Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 567 - Fortune Feimster - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: September 2, 2020

NEW LIVE SHOW - Friday, September 18th @ 5PM Pacific! Go to https://ymhvirtual.com and get tickets now! SPONSORS: - Go to EstablishedTitles.com and get 10% off Lordship/Ladyship Title packs with code MOM - Go to forhims.com and get your first visit absolutely free - Go to Stamps.com, click on the Microphone at the top and type in MOM - Policygenius has saved their home and auto insurance customers an average of $1,127 a year! Go to Policygenius.com for more information - Go to Whoop.com and enter "YOURMOM" at checkout to save 15% JEANS UP!! The main mommies start this episode off with a classic YMH fan song from the Orson Welles champagne commercial. They watch a new clip from Dan Pena, discuss Tom's post-vasectomy loads, as well as his writing ritual, and cool old guys that hit on Christina. CP then surprises Tom with a super cool Cameo! Charo then joins them to take a look at some clips of her from the live show that she has no recollection of. She gets to rewatch the garage video and is reintroduced to "Ed." Will she like them as much the second time? They also show her a cool video from Cardi B. Fortune Feimster is a comedian, actress and host of the "Sincerely Fortune Podcast" and "What a Joke With Papa and Fortune". She joins the main mommies to discuss playing tennis, her character Brenda, the Showtime series "Gigolos" and her positive outlook on life. Tom and Tina show her rounds of Cool Guys, Dads, Horrible or Hilarious videos, and, of course, Christina's TikTok curations.

You know what I'm sayin'? Honestly? You know what I'm sayin'? You know what I'm sayin'? Life is normal now My mom lost You know what I'm sayin'? You know what I'm sayin'?

You know what I'm sayin'? Life is normal now You know what I'm sayin'? You know what I'm sayin'? Life is normal now You know what I'm sayin'? Life is normal now Do anyone understand that?

Oh man, a throwback from the folder there You know what I'm sayin'? Ghost crew doin' the... You know what I'm sayin'? Request. There was a lot in there that was all French. The French champagne has always been known for its excellence. There is a new champagne by Paul Masson. And they're like, cut, Orson!

Remember when he goes, is he supposed to say anything? That's the first one. You know, action. And then he goes, he doesn't do anything? Like, cut. He's so huge and drugged out of his mind. Drunk! He's sedated.

He's on pills. So then there's action. Maha! The French champagne has always been known for its excellence. There is a new California champagne by Paul Masson. Cut! So fucked up. Maha!

Maha! But that's him trying to be enthusiastic. Ah! The French champagne. That's the whole thing. Ah! The French champagne. And then Orson actually goes, Maha!

The French champagne. How fucked up do you have to be to get like that? A lot. That's a lot of pills, bro. But then also... If you're confused right now, just look it up on YouTube. It's Orson Welles, Paul Masson, commercial bloopers, outtakes. It's an old school jam.

We used to play on YMH. We used to play it a lot. And then my favorite was Homeless Guy Gets Rape by Gay Ghost. Yeah, that was good. Which is the fuck me in my ass, man! It shit feels good when you're fucking me. Look at his face. He doesn't like it.

He's just thinking that you should have said it right now. Sorry. Right? That's exactly what I was thinking. This is why we do uncensored live shows. Yeah. Guess what? What?

Next Wednesday, we can announce it. We can announce it. That we're... That we have a new live show. Yep. They tried to cancel us. They tried to say that we're too hot for the web. But we're back.

It's true. Yeah, we are too hot for the interwebs and we got fired. We got fired. From the service. We have a new place. You can get tickets. The new show will be Friday, September 18th. We're going to go with the same time as last time.

I think that was 6... No? 5 p.m. 5 Pacific 8 Eastern Friday, September 18th. You can get tickets right now at ymhvirtual.com. Tickets are on sale now. And yeah, you can get tickets. And it's going to be no rules, but we have to up the ante.

We got to raise the stakes. So we're going to have crazier clips. We're going to have guests. We're shooting original content, YMH originals. It's going to be bananas. Bananas. They're going to wish they could cancel it, but they can't. Because we have our own site now.

So... And we're also adding... We're going to be adding the library of videos to a different site. So if you want to watch episode one, you can get that. I'll put that information out shortly. Just go to our Instagrams or our Twitter feeds and we'll put all the information there. But for right now, ymhvirtual.com, tickets for the September 18th live show. It's going to be bonkers.

You'll see all the promos and we'll get into the details. Promos for the chomos. It's really going to be something. I'm so excited for these live shows because we really are restricted in terms of what we can play on the YouTubes. And this is really a chance to just go buck wild and do the show we want to do. Exactly. Do the show we want to do. And also, like, actually, I'm really excited about shooting the content.

Like, actually doing... Not just showing you the crazy clips, but, you know, putting something into shooting stuff. So I'm really feeling it. My favorite is getting, you know, special guests like Paris, Pierce, last time, to put stuff in his butt. And we play horseshoes on the ring coming out of his butt, the stick coming out of his butt. Stuff like that you can't do on YouTube. You can't do it on a regular show. And, yeah, I mean, there's all types of who knows what will be on this new show, you know?

Frank, Randy, Galeeson, okay. Fuck me. Yeah, could be anybody. So, yeah, there's all kinds of stuff to get into. What do you say we actually open the show now? You want to do it? I would love to. And I'm feeling like I need some motivation.

You want motivation? Yeah. Want to be inspired? Yes. Okay. Here we go. Here we go. Personal development.

You can't measure personal development. The morons will eat it up like ice cream. You can't fucking measure it. How do you measure personal development? You don't, you fucking retard. You cannot measure personal development. And here you are. Now think about that.

I don't think too hard because you don't have any of that many brain cells. This is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Don't move out of the fucking stand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura.

Tom Segura. And Christina Pajitz and Christina Pajitz. Welcome to your mom's house. Oh, that was the most fabulous Dan Pena. Yeah. He lives over in England. Otherwise we would socialize with him more. He's absolutely the best.

He's my favorite. And I have to say that, I mean, he talks the way that my parents did to me. And I really appreciate it. I feel like this generation needs a big dose of Dan Pena. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's like, there's nobody like him. I mean, this is what first got us attracted to Dan. It was the initial, this is why you're fucking poor.

Yeah. And then he did that. And then the guy's like, I'm not a cunt. You're a cunt, Brian. Somebody did that thing. Don't change a fucking comma. Yeah. A fucking monkey could do this.

He was real fired up. I mean, by the way, this is at a seminar that you would pay to attend. You pay for this. Personal development. You can't measure personal development. The morons will eat it up like ice cream. You can't fucking measure it. How do you measure personal development?

You don't, you fucking reach hard. Love it. You need to talk about the R word. He does have a point though, because how do you measure personal development? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, apparently you don't. You have frigging R word. You don't.

But he's right. But you know what? You can measure money and success. I mean, maybe it's leading to that. I don't know. That's what his whole QLA. Oh, okay. Listen, I've studied Dan Peña through and through.

I'm a huge fan. Yeah. The guy's got a lot of great ideas. He lives in a castle in England. He has done stuff right. Yeah. So listen to him. I loved it.

Tata, their return. Yeah. And I love his use of old school language. I think he makes a very strong point. That was definitely a very strong point. You use the old one. Now, oh, I wanted to give a quick plug to there are a lot of funny comics out there. Oh, my life.

I've heard a lot of people, you know, talk about the specifics of like who's great at certain things. For me in my book, nobody is better at crowd work. Nobody. Nobody. And nobody gets a crowd laughing like our friend Ian Bag. He has a new album available now called Everybody Wants Some, iTunes, Pandora, Spotify. It's all there.

Stream it. Buy it. Staple it to your asshole. It is absolutely. He is so fucking funny. So amazing. I've done a million shows with him. And yeah, it's it's available for yeah, it's on sale.

It's on Pandora, iTunes, Spotify. And here's a deal man, Ian Bag is one of those comedians that he's right on the bubble of bursting. And you guys have to discover him now is he's so fucking talented. He's so talented. He's so great. So like that if we wanted to plug it just to point that out, just how you know what I love about baggles as we like to call him because we did a tour with him in South Africa

is that he says the thing that everybody wants to say but doesn't have the balls to say level though. It's like it's his observations are just so spot on. You can't do it justice. Enjoy the album. He's really funny man. He's the best. I remember when we arrived in Africa and we went to the mall just to pick up some odds

and ends and he just decided to go barefoot in the mall in Durban. It was like so random. He's like, no, you can do that here. It's Africa. It's Africa. They don't care. Okay. It's all right man.

And no one cared. He was right. I was like, damn. What are they going to say? We're in Africa. Yeah. I don't know. You don't wear shoes.

He's like, why? Yeah. And he's Canadian which just gives him a special little flavor. He's just delightful. Yeah. He's a lot of fun. So I busted out a couple more loads. That's exciting.

Yeah. Where's your load count? It's in my phone. Let's see it. Yeah. It's privet. You're not going to share it with the audience. Oh my gosh.

Oh man. That's me. Yeah. No. May I talk? Oh man. Yeah. No.

May I talk? No. Yeah. May I tell them a little bit? Go ahead. Yeah. Go ahead. Okay.

Just going to stop talking. Go ahead. Go ahead. Are there any more comes you want to make before I tell the story? Now I've helped you with the last load that I know of that came out of you. And I was a little nervous because I'm like, what's this new system going to look like? Will there be blood? Yeah.

Will there be candy that comes out of your dog? I've already had a few that came out before you helped and you're like, we finished and you're like, oh, there's no blood. And I was like, yeah, I know. I know. Well, I'd hope that you'd had them pump in like syrup or something sweet or good flavoring for me so that every time you begot, there would be like... It is good flavoring.

It's always been good flavoring. Yeah. What's it taste like? Terrible bleach. Really? I'll come. I've had these. Terrible.

What? It just seems gross. So many loads in my mouth. Do you see that load thing I sent you? Didn't I send you a load thing? No? Oh, yeah. I think we have that prepped.

Is it prepped for this show? Mm-hmm. Is that going to fly here? Yeah. I think technically just don't say what the liquid might be. Oh, okay. It's just water. It's just murky water.

Okay. It's murky water. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, I... But just to... Just the audience knows your begot was totally normal. It was just as it always was.

It didn't taste different. It was... It was good, Tom. Yeah. Yeah. It was all right, right? I was like, oh, wow. This load is like any other.

It wasn't qualitatively any different or quantity was the same too. Yeah. And I was nervous. I'm not going to lie. I was like, oh, shit. My first one was very nerve wracking. That was the one that I was the most terrified of. I was like, who was happening?

That one was not cool. But after that, I feel all right. Yeah. You were very calm and that calmed me down. Yeah. I'm glad you're back. You know, because you're always afraid of what could go wrong. And I was like, oh, man, like what if he doesn't...

Can't get boner or something after this? Yeah. It could be really bad. It could be really bad. I mean, there are guys that, you know, maybe some weird thing happens where your nuts ache for the rest of your life or something like that. I think that happened too. And then I'd feel very sad and responsible for that.

Yeah. You would be so butchered into a million little pieces, but it's not a problem anymore. I think you're angrier than usual these days. Do you sense it enough? What is going on? Just a little bit. Yeah. Is it because you're not doing stand up and releasing the venom and the masses?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe... Is there an outlet that you could... Stand up. I know. Yeah.

I looked into two more places. Oh. Yeah. Cool. I'm getting to the point where I'm just going to have to go do it. I know. The anger... Because here's the truth.

At least in our case, anger is the fuel for stand up, for me, for... That's the one thing that compelled me to do with that for 15 years to be good and to try is anger and rage. And now that there's no outlet for it, I'm just having to swallow it and eat it. I was thinking that I could go do it and then you know how people might be like, uh, well, if people get sick here, just go there and fucking hit them on the head with a hammer on the way out of the showroom, you know? Now you don't have to worry about your little cough.

Yeah. You know, um, I don't know if I'm not going to share too many details, but Tom wrote a neat sketch and it's funny because like in the house, you know, we take our turns, we disappear, we do our things in the house and Tom disappears into his office and he comes out and I know when you've done something good in your heart because you're a little defensive when I, hey Tommy, what's up buddy? And you're like, nothing. I'm just fucking writing.

And I'm like, okay. He's... He's in it. He is in it. Right? Am I right though? I'm right. And I'm not attacking you.

It's generally like, oh, I'm glad to see you again. Did you have a good time writing? And you're like, it's the first is defensiveness. And then I show you like, hey, I made you a plate of food and then I put the food in front of you. I make you some chicken and rice like, here you go, babe. And then you eat and you calm yourself down. And then I, I don't talk about it again because I don't want to anger you.

And then I just quietly just kind of, you know, hang out, you know, and you go, I wrote something really good, babe. And I go, yeah, what did you write? And you're like, it's really good. It is really funny. So here's the scenario. Okay. There's this girl in the sky.

Yeah. Yeah. Don't tell me. I'm not going to tell you everything, but basically there's a lot of blood. And I'm like, that's good. Lots of blood. And that's good. But you're happy.

So that's, that's good. Yeah. We've been playing tennis. That was quite a shift. I'm sorry. Look, I'm just trying to help you. I just want you to be happy. Yeah.

Now the tennis helps because you get to hit the balls and get that rage out because you hit the balls very hard. I've noticed too that they've been very hard. But accurate. Try to be accurate. You're very good at tennis. You've got quite a talent for it. Do you think if you could compete against another man, maybe you would feel good in

tennis or something? Maybe we could pair you up with some angry Russian guy or something? Maybe. I mean, I like taking the lessons. They're very helpful. You know, you've got a really good teacher. He's great. I like it.

It's really good. Yeah. I like doing it. We, yeah, we, we went out the other day actually. We had our first outing in a while. We had a total mommy day, which, you know, if you've listened to the show for years, we used to have total mommy days a lot before we had children. And we did it for the first time.

We had a spontaneous day of events and we did stuff that we normally don't do. You got hit on quite a bit. Well, here's the neat thing. I want to share this with everybody. There's a whole new demographic of dudes that are into me lately. It's very encouraging. The over 65s. Yeah.

Now I was walking around our neighborhood alone in my little summer frock, just enjoying the sunshine. And I met the crosswalk and this guy stops, he lets me walk and then he yells after me. He goes, I always stop for cute girls. And I was like, thanks, dude, and he was old as fuck. Like that was his last drive. Yeah. And then when we were at brunchies the other day, I was wearing kind of a titty dress.

You know, I always wear my two necklaces, my nameplate and stuff, but my tits were out. It was for you. I do it for my husband. I don't fucking do it for you animals, but for my husband. Sure. We're walking. It was a really, really nice dress.

It was a great dress. Your tits were spelling out of it. It was nice. Great, but it was for you. It was for my husband's benefit. But we're walking to get seated and then an old as fuck guy. He goes, he goes, I like your necklaces. She's like, I like your necklaces.

And at first I thought maybe cause I don't have my mask up or something. I thought that's what he was trying to warn me and I was like, oh, and then I realized that the necklace was just sitting on your open tits. Yeah. And he was saying necklace instead of being like, I like your tits, you know, so he's like, I like your necklace. Yeah. Cause your necklace hangs right on your tits.

Yeah. Yeah. And he was like, it's making my dick real hard. Yeah. Yeah. Just like we're always pregnant. Yeah. He did it.

He did it. He liked the way your necklace hangs. Makes my dick all hard. Yeah. How you doing? I'm Roy. Yeah. But then I got to thinking, should you die, should you spontaneously pass away?

And I've got these two little kids to raise that now I know what demographic I will be appealing to. And it's the over 65 on death's door kind of there. That's where you would go. A hundred percent. Cause they're so stoked to have me. Oh, right. Like, I mean, I don't know this new thing where like really older guys are really into

me. But to them, I'm like a spring chicken. Right. Like a 44 year old is prime meat to them. I wish my dick could get hard for like an old lady. Like I wish it could. Cause I would go to, I would just be like, yeah, this works. It just doesn't, you know what I mean?

Why though? Cause which, but she'd have to be wealthy. Yeah. Yeah. I'm saying though, if like, if I could get it up for like a 78 year old woman, you know, well, cause then you could swap out wives every few years cause then she would die and then you'd have to get another 70 something. You're all there.

You go. No, she could get it. Cause I'm talking about like old, I don't think I could do it with old, but I was thinking that the over 65s, here's the only downside for me. Okay. If they take Viagra, then sex gets drawn out, right? Cause then doesn't that make you hard for a lot longer than you want them to be? I have a feeling that with the old guys and the Viagra, I don't think they're fucking

all the time. I just think when you do those sessions, it lasts a while. You earn your money. Yeah. You earn it. There's like, Hey, it's the third Saturday of the month. You know what's going on tonight. And then you got to like stretch out, bring a lot of lube, you know, like he's going to

get his boner around 1030 in the morning and he's probably going to come around 6 PM. You think so? Yeah. Really? Well, here's the thing. Just for the sensations, you got to do more. Like you got to, you got to, like he's not as sensitive down there. It doesn't get erect just looking at titties.

You got to suck on his balls for a while. You know, it's going to take a while to make the thing pop. Yeah. That I don't like. Yeah. But that's what happens as an old guy. But don't you think that most of my money would be earned? Like that old old guy who liked my necklaces, like he just wants to look at my tits.

He does. He does. All he wants is for me to sit on his lap. Yeah. He's pleased easily. Yeah. But I'm saying orgasm, I think takes a, it's an achievement. For that guy, that old, he was really.

To wake up all those valves and vessels, it's like, it's not like a 16-year-old where you could like tap his thigh and he'd be like, oh, you know, it's different. I get it. Yeah. Because he was so old that he had like flaky white skin, like you know when they get like skin dandruff and you can see the white scales. He's about to die. Yeah.

I know. I don't think he can get an erection anymore. But I would do that. Like if you, like I said, if you were gone and I had to find a way to smile. You sure you bring it up a lot? I'll tell you that. You definitely bring it up a lot. What happens when I die?

I mean, every other day, she's like, yeah, you know, if you die, I'm like, Jesus Christ. It's all you think about is if I die. It's like six times a week. I know. Yeah. I don't know why I've been so concerned with your mortality lately. Maybe it's because of your operation. When you were put under, it really scared me because you were under for like two and a

half, three hours. It's scary. They could walk out and be like, yeah, we fucked up. They could. They could be like, it was a routine vasectomy, but. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah.

And then you're like, what? And they're like, oh, he's gone. Shut up. Go find yourself another husband, blondie. Yeah. Well, yeah, it got me to thinking, you know, what would I do with life? Am I supposed to open the surprise link? Well, yeah, it's kind of a special surprise I got for you.

You want me to save it or do it now? I think you're always in the mood for this. It's so special. Listen, the guys here. Yeah. They, I want to give them proper credit. They arranged for something really neat for you. Okay.

And just our way of saying we love you and we appreciate you and that's it. Just go ahead and watch it. Let's do it. Okay. It's so good. I'm really happy to show this to you. Here we go. Mark purchased my time and I don't come cheaply.

I come very expensively. And you will come the same way now because the hole is a normal hole and you'll be able to experiment and dangle and dangle to your life's joy. So you're in good shape and you are all to Mark. It's a pleasure talking to you. I wish you great health and you know what I mean by great health. Don't be stingy. What?

Don't be stingy, Tom. Oh. Hell yeah. One last thing. I don't know why. What's wrong? Don't be stingy. You know, it takes a little effort, a little money to get the choo choo going.

So don't be stingy. Who knew that Ed Asner is really indie? Wow. That is really something. Thank you, Ed Asner. Thank you, guys, for... He's a huge fan. Apparently, he's a huge fan of yours and had no problem saying all the stuff to you.

It's so weird, right? It's so weird that he just volunteered that. Looks good. Thanks, Ed. Thank you. That's really beautiful. How does that make you feel? It makes me feel great.

It makes me feel amazing. He's in good shape, too. Yeah. That is really, really nice. Who laid out the instructions for him? Oh, funny you should mention that. If you look in the folder there... No, no, no, it's not in the folder.

But we have what we... Do you want to see? It's hilarious what these guys sent him to say. Don't be stingy. Yeah, that's really amazing. I come very expensively. Yeah, okay. Tell me what you guys said.

The hole is a normal hole. It was Ed Asner. Tom just had a hernia repaired. Please wish him a speedy recovery. He's self-conscious about the hole. Assure him that it's normal size and that he shouldn't massage it. Tell him to look forward to coming up in May

and by saying, don't be stingy, Tom. Fantastic. Really good work. And he was really close to that. Yeah, really good. He also put a little of his own stink on it. A little interpretive stink on there. He did.

This man's 90. Sure. Yeah. Really. Do you want to hear... It's a perfect transition. Yeah. So Fart Simpson reached out.

My life. And Fart... Thank you guys and thank you, Ed, for doing that. Fart went ahead and did a, you know, Ed, Leo, call that is absolutely incredible. So are you ready for this? This is Leo, our own Ed from the very famous Don't Be Stingy video,

calling about buying a kayak. Hey, Mark. Can I help you? Hey, how's it going? My name's Norman. I actually was calling in regards to the kayak that you have on Craigslist. Yes.

So this is actually for my cousin. It's his wife's birthday coming up. He is really excited to get her this kayak. So I'm actually going to put him on real quick. His name's Leo. He's a little hard of hearing, so bear with him. Okay. Thanks.

Hello. Hello. Mark. Yes. Yeah, go ahead. I guess you're interested in my kayak? Yeah. Okay.

I don't know much about kayak I bought it. And it's like $3,800 or $4,000 kayak. Okay. But I bought it just because it was from a charity and I bought it in auction. Okay. And it's a cutie, but I'm not making anything. I'm losing a little bit of money.

And I just thought I'd give somebody a good deal and what I'm going to do with the money is go buy myself a single kayak. That's going to be good. I just need to use the money in the right way. This would be the right way, give somebody a good deal and go on and do something positive with my life, too. Of course, yeah.

And it's got sails and oars and all that stuff, too. Let me see how... I mean, do you know kayaks and stuff? No. Okay. Yeah, it's a very expensive kayak. It just needs a lot of cleaning and stuff because it's... I turn it upside down and it's been sitting on a truck rack.

Okay. You know, it would be a wonderful present. I'm losing money, actually, but... Mark, I need it. I need it. I need it right now. Okay. Good.

It's a birthday present, I guess? Yeah. Okay. Okay, give it to me now. I need it right now. Okay. How do you need it? Do you want to buy it?

Yeah. Come on. Come on, Mark. Come on, what? Give it to me now. I need it. Give it to me. Okay.

Come on, show me that you like me. Show me that you like me. What are you talking about? Come on, don't be stingy. Which what? Don't be stingy. I don't understand when you say don't be stingy. Give it to me.

Come on, Mark, don't be stingy. You mean give it to you? If you want me to. No, I'm not going to give it to you. I need it. I need it right now. I'm not going to give it to you. Okay, well...

Okay. Damn. Come on, Mark. I'm going to go. It's going to be quick with me because it's been a long time. Okay, call me back. Hello? You are terrific.

That's all I can say. I don't even know you. Cuddling up to you and kissing you and holding you and caressing you and... Should I ask more? Playing with your titties and sucking on them and... Okay. Put your balls in my mouth. Hold them and suck and suck and suck and maybe even massage your little hole.

I don't even know you. I'm going to put this in your mouth and you're going to have to suck it dry. You're going to just suck it dry, Mark. Okay, I got to go. Come on, Mark. Come on. Don't be stingy. It's okay.

Man. Fart Simpson. Fart is so talented. My favorite is just like the little things or it's like... Yeah. Yeah, okay. All right. Okay, yeah.

He gets like every possible thing. I would love to... Give it to me, Mark. Watch him do one of these calls. I know. I want to see how he does this. It's too advanced. It's so great.

Yeah, maybe we should do a follow with him and figure it out. Yeah, we should. It's pretty interesting stuff, man. This guy's a real talent. Consistently, home runs, Fart Simpson. Yeah. Good life. There's, by the way, of cool guys.

There's a lane of cool guy that we haven't had in a while. The subdued, super cool dad boner who's really into one thing really specifically. Welcome to Revelation Unraveled. This program is a continuation of my series on the Denver International Airport and especially the murals and the art contained therein. Oh, my God. Because they are evil, they are signs of Satanism, and on this program I will point out that many of them are phallic symbols.

Oh, dad. This is great. I'm a boy. One thing we like, it's a dad that's obsessed with dicks. So, here we go. In one previous video, I have pointed out that this is actually the figure of a naked woman and the crotch is formed by a bird form. This sign on the penguin's cage constitutes a phallic symbol

and in fact represents the male genitalia. Okay. Please notice that the Latin name for this bird includes the word impenis. Now, that is not accidental. The artist chose this bird for a reason. That's because the bird standing upright is phallic, the shape of the sign is phallic, and even the name is phallic.

This is when you really, really are into dicks everywhere. Yeah. As you approach the Denver Airport right here, you are immediately struck by this gigantic statue of a blue fiberglass horse. Many of the shapes on the horse's tail and mane are phallic shapes and of course it is a masculine horse. Okay. Is he going to mention the big dick on the horse too?

I mean, he's saying there's dicks hidden in the muscles. Okay. Next, let's take a look at the layout of the Denver Airport. Wow. Many of the videos on YouTube have shown that this is in the shape of a swastika, but there's one video that also points out that the outdoor baggage hailing area is in the shape of a phallus. Let's take a closer look.

Oh, my God. This is amazing. This dude's beard trimming makes me think of Nazi officers for some reason. Yes. I feel like he's one of the reasons that I know about Nazi symbols is because I collect it. It's for historical value. Yeah. This guy.

Well, the mustache trim. This is a terrifying dude. It's crazy as fuck. This guy in an enclosed space. I wouldn't want to be on an elevator with this guy. No. Wait. His care maintenance is facial hair.

It's just too crisp, right? Is that what the problem is? Okay. So it's like thinned out here. Right. I don't know why. Then it's thicker here. Then he spends a lot of time shaping here and here, like unnaturally.

It seems rigid. It's too manicured. It's like two dicks over his mouth. Yes. It's exactly. There's a dick here. A dick here. And then like 12 dicks hidden in here.

And they're all pointing at his mouth. What do you think this is? Do you think he's just not. He's bored. He's not expressing his love of penises? He needs a mission. You know? I mean, look.

Like first of all, there's so much time and attention put into his presentation. Oh my goodness. And then what's the end result? You just go, oh. Great. Yeah. You're right. There's dicks everywhere, man.

There's satanism at the airport. What are you talking about? Well, you know what I find so interesting is how controversial that horse statue is at the Denver airport. They actually, some people do think it's a satanic horse. Yeah. A lot of people are get really fired up because the eyes turn red or something. Yeah.

People get, it's a controversial horse. I just like to say go Broncos. Okay. Here we go. Now this photograph was taken on a snowy day, which makes this area actually a little clearer. Up here, we see the testicle area. Stop.

Down here in the phallus. He's right. I found out that the designers of this airport had something other in mind than making an efficient baggage area. Although this image is upside down, I think you can see what they are getting at. Yeah. And then the snow. The bags are fucking you.

And the snow is come. Yeah, of course. And that's done intentionally. Of course, as Christians, we need to understand. Oh. The phallic symbol is a powerful symbol and many pagan religions worship the phallus because it's a symbol of life, but we know there is a more powerful symbol which negates the phallic symbol.

Which is? And that is the cross. Oh, I was hoping the vagina. I was hoping the vagina. Actually, now that I look at him, I feel like you could make a case that his mustache is a result of Dick's being wiped off over his lip. Yeah. I mean, if you wiped your dick above his lip, you could actually leave that mustache.

Dick? Does a dick come mustache? Yeah. It could be. Those of us who have been washed in the blood of the lamb, understand that phallic worship is satanic and evil and the designers of the Denver airport are going to have an answer to our Lord for what they have perpetrated in the public in this monstrosity. Wait a minute.

Are we going to... That's incredible. Are we canceling the Denver airport now? I wish I just saw the sign off. That's it for me. We'll be back next week. It's such an intense way to wrap up your video. Answer to Christ for the monstrosity that is the Denver airport.

I'm Bob Higgins and I'll see you next week. Until next time, stay Christian. Jesus Christ. I wonder, I wish he would uncover a new satanic thing every week. Wouldn't that be the best? Yeah. Man. He really needs his own show.

I really like this guy. Maybe he does have his own show. Can you do a deeper dive on his content? Sure thing. This guy's rad. He's really cool. It's so interesting when people get upset about this stuff, but well, whatever. You want to see another differently in a cool guy?

Yeah, always. Okay. This dude... This guy is gold, by the way. Whoever found this one, poof. This dude is... High fives. For real.

For real. Running for mayor. Okay. In Prichard, Alabama. Okay. Let's check him out. Okay. Stand behind him.

I'm going to slap this shit out of you, bitch-ass, tonight. Point blank period. Drop the killers, motherfucking ass. Damn what? Q-A is gone. You know what I'm saying? And yesterday, just the other day, I said, we got to stop killing each other. We got to stop doing that shit, because somebody asked me how you're going to bring the crime

and the gun control down. Shit. It ain't my responsibility to bring that shit down, but it is my responsibility to defend myself and take care of me and not let a fuck nigga like you to goddamn ruin my opportunity to be a fucking mayor to make a difference from this piece of shit. He's got my vote. What's up, dude? Hey, that's the mayor over there.

Hey, the mayor's on TV, guys. If you was going to do a QB of man and say, hey, look what kind of videos Mr. Audubon made, I stand behind my shit, Q, but I can't stand with you and I can't agree with you for being a whole ass nigga who want to go send out some shit. So I'm going to be this nigga you want me to see, Q. I'm going to slap your bitch ass when I see you. Hello, mayor. Wait, what is his platform?

So he's saying that he's going to, well, I'm not sure what he's saying. Can you find the mayor's name so we can address him correctly? I'd like to know what he stands for. Well, you're seeing part of what he stands for. Just slapping. For Q, not being a bitch. If this is who you want to see, then he's going to come out and beat that dude, you know? That's cool.

That's... Yeah. Well, I'm on board. No, no. Where's the song? I mean, no. He's a candidate, right? It's the guy running for mayor.

Oh, I don't know if you met the current... Oh, for Christ. I want to know this guy's name. You got it. Oh, boy. Jesus. This is the guy's name I want to know. The guy that we're watching.

I didn't find it by the end of the song. I'm so lightheaded. I can't... I can't even look at the screen right now. I don't... I haven't found it yet. I want to see if I can... Jesus Christ.

I want to see if in like under 10 seconds I can find this guy's name. I think my 4-year-old could in under... Look, he looks nice there. Look, look, look. Mr. Audobon. He's got his suit on. Yeah. Okay, well, what's his name on the Twitter?

His real name. Reginald Davis. That's his name. Okay, so let's say I did go to his Twitter, look at his real name, and then copy and paste that shit into Google. Reginald Davis is his name. I found it. Definitely.

I mean, what was he googling? Mayor of Pritchard? I don't... Yeah. It's like... The Audobon... Pull up the screen that you had up there where you saw him in the car looking all nice. But he's listening to a song there.

That's what it is, right? That's right. That's right. He looks good there. Yeah, he does look good there. Here, let's see. He's cute, I like that. Let it be known the mayor gonna slap cute bitch ass for trying to goddamn ruin my campaign.

So, see, y'all see me be professional, talk without cursing, and be a stand-up guy to prove that I can lead this city. Yeah. I like it. That's true. I got a plan. I wrote it down on paper. I did so many interviews with positive information about this fucked up ass city Pritchard.

My favorite, I was talking to Brian Simpson about this, that one of the things he's pointing out is that he wrote his plan down on paper. As if, like, that is credibility, like, I wrote the shit down. You trying to say that and write it down? Like, he actually signed, like, that's something that you should give him credit for, you know? I got a plan. I got a plan. I wrote it down on paper.

I did so many interviews with positive information about this fucked up ass city Pritchard. It would be pretty cool for Reginald to win. I'd like that. Why not? I don't know shit about Pritchard, Alabama. Is it, like, what is, can you pull up just the, well, he could pull this off. Can you just put up Pritchard, Alabama and just see, like, what's the demo? What's the story?

You know what I like though? Where is it located? I like this guy's passion and I feel like passionate people make things happen. It's close to Mobile? Mobile, okay. Yeah. Right? Is that correct?

Yeah. Mobile County? Yes. How far is it for Mobile? Our side of Mobile. Population 22,659. Okay. Okay, so yeah, it's part of the Mobile metropolitan area.

Okay, so it's like a city outside of Mobile. All right. Well, look, he's got some chutzpah, he can make shit happen. Oh, he's definitely got flavor. I mean, no. He wrote it down on a paper. He's got a fucking thing, man. The thing about this too, like, I don't know how good of a go.

Oh, who is the current go? Is that the new mayor? Is that the current mayor right there? Jimmy Gardner. That's the current, yep, elected mayor in 2016. In the municipal elections, defeating the incumbent mayor, Troy Ephraim. Ephraim. So that's a mayor on the left?

I can't really see. Yeah, like which one's which? With U.S. Representative Bradley. I guess mayor on the left is Jimmy. Is that right? Yeah. With U.S. Representative Brayden, I can't read that far. Okay.

I mean, like that's the thing is like, I wonder, I wonder if this kind of publicity alone for Reggie here is enough to make him win. I hope so. You know how like when people get like a little bit of traction from just celebrity. Yep. That push you over the top. I hope so. Look, at this point, I mean, I just want someone that gives a shit, like really gives a shit.

About Prichard? Yeah. Yeah. I'm serious other than like. You really care about Prichard, Alabama a lot. I don't give a fuck. This guy does. Yeah.

Right, right. Oh, you're saying you want people who care. I feel like in our, in our city of LA, like they don't give a fuck about us. I want someone who loves where they live and they're like, dude, I want to see some shit change and I can do it. I don't even care anymore if they can write a plan, like just fucking do it. You know? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, good luck, sir. I mean. Handsome. I like his eyes. We will be watching closely. Yeah. I mean, you got, you have a lot of positives.

I'll say that. I dig them. And who's the lady in the background? Or is that just a doll? No, she's in his video. She's in his rap video. Oh, cool. He has a really, can you pull up the rap video and mute it?

So this is also Reggie Davis, Reginald Davis, the guy running for mayor and Prichard, Alabama. This is a music video that he put out. I like it. It's very sensual. Yeah. And that's the girl who's in the background of that. I see. Yeah.

Oh, she's cute. Yeah. She really admires him, you know? I know. She's such, she's so down for him. I would have gone with like a different concept for the video, maybe execution. She's playing with his nipples right there, which I dig. Yeah.

Yeah. That's pretty cool. What's he drinking too? What is that blue liquid? I don't know. It's in a champagne glass, but it's not champagne. Yeah. She's going for his nips.

Oh. Yeah. She's backing it on up. He's so dope. He is kind of rad. For this to be at your inaugural event playing in the background when you've been elected mayor, he's so sick. He's like, to celebrate me being.

Oh. Damn. Like I like these two. I like them together. I like that she's not like a fake ass hoe. Like she's really his bae. Yeah. She loves him.

Yeah. She does. She's so devoted to him. Yeah. He did a really poor job of lip syncing this. Do you watch the actual video? Yeah. What is this?

Is this married to the game? Is that what the name of it is? If you put your mouse over that. Yeah. Married to the game. Married to the game. Mr. Autobahn. That's him.

That's cool. That's really cool. I like her actually. She looks good. I think she's an older lady, but she looks great. Yeah. Damn. It's like.

Her ass looks better than mine. Yeah. Well, good for these two. Okay. Well, yeah. So the video continues like this. It's a really cool video if you want to check it out on YouTube. You have to sign in.

But it's really. She's really into those nipples. Yeah. She keeps pulling and pulling on that right one. Yeah. That's pretty cool. That's a sensitive one. We're going to break here in a moment because we're going to set up a call with Charo.

And the reason is that she, as many of you who watched the first live show might recall, she had a little bit too much to drink and actually has no recollection of the show. So we're going to show her some clips of her and get the full recap of what she thinks of that experience, the show, what we do, et cetera, et cetera. Okay. Can't wait. Let's take a quick break, stop down, and we'll be back shortly with Charo. Our all-time favorite guest, the original mommy herself, my mom, Charo.

Yay. Charo, you're joining us under different circumstances than last time. Last time it was for the live show, which was a big success. And a lot of people made note of you really standing out during that show. And then later on, when I spoke to you about it, you had zero recollection. So can we recap that evening in your mind? Yeah, but at one point, can I give you my thoughts too? Yeah, you can give me your thoughts whenever you want.

Okay. Okay. So just to give you a little recap, you joined us. You had a little bit to drink, and we were talking about all types of things. One of the first things I showed you was one of my all-time favorite clips, a man who is in working in a garage and then a car hits him. Do you remember this? No.

Okay. She never showed me that, Tommy. You're making that up. You're laughing? Oh, I am there. You're right there. I am there. You're right there.

And you're laughing. You smile. And you laugh. You're ear to ear. Yeah. Oh my God. Do you remember that you were having... Somebody...

Go ahead. Somebody dressed like me and act like that. I don't... Any recollection. Really? Zero. Do you remember that there were some things you didn't want to see, so you decided to leave frame, but do you know where you left frame to?

No, I remember that I don't want to see your show. Right. Because you... Yes, I remember that. Do you remember where you went, though, so that you wouldn't see it? Do you remember where you went? No. When I left, no.

You went to the floor. You laid on the floor. Look. Ah, come on, Tommy. What? Come on, Tommy. Did you just lay on the ground? Oh.

You showed that? You showed that? What are you talking about? That's during the show. It's live. That's live on the show. We couldn't edit it. Your fight inject me with some symptoms.

That wouldn't be me. There's no way. No. This is so embarrassing. Mom, you were having a really good time. You don't remember what kind of a good time you were having? You were having the best time. I don't remember anything.

Oh, really? Oh, watch this. Do you remember this? Have you seen this new dance move? Maybe you and Tom can practice this. Oh, my God. What if you and Dad... Okay, Mom.

What's going on? Mom? Say that. I'm buzzing. What? I'm going to show you something. What? A good top dog smile.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is scary, Tommy. Yeah. Well, how much did you drink that night? Yeah, how much did you drink that night? A glass of white wine.

And then because the other one fell. No, because I was drunk. It was moving computers. Then I got a glass of red wine. And I think that makes sense. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is scary, Tommy.

Yeah. How much did you drink that night? A glass of white wine. And then because the other one fell. No, because I was drunk. A glass of red wine. And I think that makes sense. That's it.

I swear, Tommy. Unbelievable. I showed you one of our favorite swimming videos. I can't believe. That you did not like. I can't believe. Would you like to review it? Here we go.

This guy is swimming in a sewage tank. Ah. Ah. Oh, my God, Tommy. Same reaction. Yeah. Same lady. Okay.

It's not a double. Okay. Ah. How can you show us that? But what did you think of that? What's going on there? I think that don't even ask me. What are you drinking now?

Wait, what are you drinking now? Water. It looks a little different. Hesitated. It has been blessed. Okay. Do you remember? Oh, excuse me.

Excuse me that I interrupt. Yeah. Yes. We sent that to the house. We are so thankful. Yeah, I sent that. All of a sudden a package came in my name. Yeah.

And we went crazy. Why? I never ordered anything from Walmart. So we decided maybe I got 10 pesos. Yeah. And to fake it was from Walmart. Okay. And I found this with no name.

Put it down. You ordered them toilet paper? Yeah, yeah. So here's what happened. I have two very different parents. After the show, my dad called. He goes, you know what I would like as a gift for coming on your show? And I go, no, what?

And he goes, Charmin, double ply. You know what? He said, I sure as for me, he says I'm sure as for you. Oh, that's for dad. It's for dad. You got to tell him. Hey, wait a minute. It's 11.30 our time.

Isn't this bridge a clock for you? Are you missing out on a bridge? I cancel it. I cancel my bridge with my favorite partner. To do this. With my favorite partner. Just to do this. Well, thank you, mom.

Thank you. I love you for that. I'd like to finish the distinction I was pointing out between my parents though, because my father asked for toilet paper, which I gladly sent my mother a little bit different. My mother requested a designer fanny pack. I sent it to the house and she said, I changed my mind. I said, okay. So she returned it.

Yeah. She requested a different one, which was double the price. So guess what I did? I bought it and I sent it to her and then she returned that one. Stop it. So that's two bags. That's two bags. And since that day, about six to 12 times a day, I get different texts about, I think

I want this back. I think I want that back. Oh my God. I mean, it is comical. A psychiatrist would be like, this is somebody who's going through an episode. Dying. Dying. Dying.

Dying. I see now. Yes. I never own a designer purse. Okay. So when he's offered me to make it up for inviting me as a guest of honor with my husband to a show that I understand was amazing. Amazing.

Amazing. But not to my level. I said well, to make it up, you save me a pair. So this is the story. I never had a person that was a designer purse. So I went so crazy with the first one. But then I said, oh my gosh. He said, are you sure that's not too small?

So he gave me the thought, look again. Oh. Wait, so you're saying that it's top dog's fault that you change. A hundred percent. Yeah. No. Your husband. Oh, it's my fault.

My fault. Tom, this Tom said it was too small. A hundred percent. It was. I was afraid of that. Are you sure it's not too small? So then. Yeah.

I picked a different one. Yeah. And I said, okay, Tommy, this is perfect. And he said, isn't that too big? You better be sure. And I said, oh, here we go again. Let me be sure. So that's what led me to all this stuff is that every time I was a hundred percent sure,

he gave me the possibilities of keep sinking. And you know, I told Tommy, I said, if you set a kid to a candy store for first time and you tell him you can pick one candy, obviously the kid is going to go crazy. Yeah. And he said, well, make up your mind. Make up your mind. And when the kid says it, are you sure? Are you sure?

The poor kid is spending days and nights. Oh, she's a victim in there. I know. It's so interesting. And that's what it leads me to a week of no sleeping. Yeah. Not doing it. Seeing in my house, sitting in the, and my iPad died.

My phone died. Oh, my God. I'm different in iPad until I keep. Are you decided now? Is that the, is the last one, the one actually have two in mind to you sent me in the last week, in the last 48 hours, multiple texts that said, I've decided this is it. I'm not changing. Yes.

But I'm not changing. I'm thinking, adding another one because the tone for, I was thinking like this, Tommy, that one is my everyday. But Christina, you back me up in this. That's an everyday purse, right? An everyday purse. Okay. And I'm going to use it every single day.

But let's say I go to a casino. Let's say, let's say I go, you know, to church, I go to the dentist and then I need a smaller one. Well, hold on. Here's your problem. Charito. Every purse, one purse can't be for all occasions. That's the same.

You need a casino purse, a church purse. You have to pretend like you don't like material stuff at the church. So you need to get like a target bag for church and then it's fine. Like a Fendi or something for the casino. Oh my God. Do it. Can I hug you, please? Finally, a woman, a woman.

I'm not. I didn't sign up for multiple bags. You don't sign up. You have the heart, which is different than signing up, signing up, leave it for the politics. They sign up. But I do love here, but you should get all your most of your bags at like Target and then a good one. No, for the casino.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Christina, I am, I'm just focusing on you. Okay. Can I, can I tell you something? Charles, but I saw your choices. They're a little boring. I feel like you need to stretch a little. Have fun. Get the bag that inspires you.

Don't go for beige or black or get, get an exciting bag of Valentino with studs on it. Okay. Don't you think? Oh, shit. Yes. Yes. Let me cut you off right there.

Do you remember almost trying to end our call on the live podcast that many people were watching? You almost cut off the signal. Oh my gosh. On purpose. She almost ruined the show. Yeah. Like two or three times.

Here, watch. Watch. Yeah. Put your glasses on. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I don't like it. Yeah.

You almost turned a computer off. You're like, I'm cutting this off now. And you just almost ended. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't touch anything. Don't touch anything. Yeah. And do you remember that you cut off. You cut off dad over and over.

Do you remember that? No, I love who you need to. Shut up. And you would stick your hand in his face and make him shut up. You are just kidding, man. Here's a here's a montage of you doing it. You shut up. No, no.

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. I am talking. What do you mean? Some women... Yeah, I am talking. Yeah, why?

I am talking. I don't think so, face. It's rainy, there. Some women are making a... Oh. I pour you a pade. Oh yeah! That's what everybody said!

I pour you a pade. I pour daddy. We should do that. We should do that. I pour daddy. I pour daddy. I pour daddy. We should do that.

I pour daddy. We should invite him to this. Oh, no. He's going to have his own... He's going to have his own segment. Oh, yes. Yeah. Oh, he deserves it.

I am the horrible human being. Yeah. I can't believe I did that to that. Tell me something. Maybe I mixed drugs or something that I didn't know. Did you do cocaine then? Molly? Maybe coke, but not cocaine.

I drink coke. You drink coke? Hmm. Makes sense. I'm not into drugs. Can you mind if I am into drugs? That would be the best. If this is without drugs, and I have no recollection.

I think it would be fun to smoke weed with you. Oh, yeah. Have you taken pot? Marijuana? No, never. What if we sent you some, would you take some? With Tom? With Tom?

With the purse? It can. It can. She does need one for church and one for the casino, Tom. One handbag is not enough. One for every day and one for Mary. Why not? You can keep your weed in there.

You don't have to say the word. Okay. We know. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh.

Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh.

Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. I don't remember anything. Oh, okay. Watch this one.

I don't know if you think I was there. Here. Enjoy this. You'll like this. Ah, no. No. I'm changing this up. No, no.

Everybody got the right word. That's water from the grit from the.. Oh, you're true. Hey, look. I can't believe this is happening in real life. I swear. I can't believe this is happening in real life. I cannot believe you do not recall this.

It's embarrassing. Yeah. This is what scares me, because if all this is happening, I don't remember. Really? People really enjoy it. It's embarrassing. Wow. I don't think people can enjoy that, Christina.

If I see a show in which a woman has no recollection of doing a stupidity like that, what is my friend? Your friend? Nadav? Nadav. Yeah. He's here. Hi, Charo.

Promise me. Hi, Nadav. How are you? You and I have a deal. I am fine. How are you? I'm great. Hold on.

Didn't you get everything that you were supposed to get? I haven't got anything yet except toilet paper for my husband. Excuse me. You've been sent multiple bags that you've returned. Fanny packs, too. Yeah. Don't say you haven't.. Nadav, let me talk to Nadav for a minute, please.

Yes, Charo. Okay. He sent me two fanny bags. I'm fanny as.. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Nothing. Fanny bags.

Fanny ones. Good one. No. He sent me something that I can put. Now, hold on. I can put. Yep. I would like to say that, you know, I promised you that you'd get two gifts, which you did.

You returning them. I mean, that's up to you. So, I don't know. No, that's not returning them. I want to exchange them. I said very clear. I would like an exchange, please. That's not returning.

Okay. In order to get my exchange, I have to send those back. Otherwise, I'm abusing. Okay. So, what are you getting to? Oh. Like we were talking before, I went officially here to promise me the one that we talked last night, the Chloe, and it could be either the..

Wait, there was no deal for me to get it. We've been talking about one bag. Well, we just officially, with your wife approval, we decided, we approve with Cristina that one is not enough for a woman. What? We agree. Who's we? Cristina?

I mean, the lovely wife. Hold on, Charo. Charo, but the deal was one of those bags contains weed. One of those bags is whatever. That was the third one. Remember? I don't recall a third. No, no, no.

Cristina! A third! When you watch it, you're.. Oh! Cristina, you told me one is not enough. You need one for the church. One for church. You need one for the casino.

One for casino. And one for every day. Well.. How many makes that? But just your every day.. Mom, do you want to see this old guy masturbate? Tommy, get out of here. That's not even funny.

You have to be just wanting. Tommy, don't do that to me. I'm not really mad too. Tommy, don't do that to me. Tommy, in your arm. Why do you need to insult me? Tommy, if you do that, I'm really, really, really, really going to be so upset. But this guy is just..

Cristina, save the guy for Tommy when he can get you. So then he can get the guy and just watch it and be happy. But this guy, he's Christian, right? Isn't he? Yeah, big time. I don't care what Christian he is. Okay, we're not doing multiple backs. This is insane now.

Well, I'm saying.. No. No. But once should be fun. One should be like.. You're going out.. One is it. Stop saying one should be.

But.. Tommy, don't get into my conversations with Cristina. This is a two-way conversation. No, no, no. She'll respect you when you talk. No. She'll respect you when you talk. Tell me, Cristina.

I'm just saying, here's what we should do. Listen, my love. My favorite mother-in-law is that.. We'll give you the one. And then we can.. Let's think about a second bag. But we need to think about how we can earn that second bag, too. You know what I mean?

Don't you feel like we have.. Don't you feel like we have earned it? No. No. No. You get your one nice bag. You get your one nice bag. But let's keep in mind for the future what we can do for that second bag.

You know? I mean, how much more can we do? Mom, excuse me. The people are getting sick and tired of seeing me. I would like to make something clear, just so you understand something. The first bag that you were sent, the fanny pack, which is what you requested. And like, you had your choice and I sent it to you and it was beautiful and you were like, I think I want the other one.

So, that first bag, that really is a designer bag. And now, your latest selection, just to be clear, your latest selection is four times the cost of the first bag. Four. It's like getting four of those fanny packs. Jesus, how much are we talking to? It's quite a bit. Jesus.

Christina, that would mean your... Christina is equivalent of you going out to dinner with Tommy and Dressa. It is not equivalent to dinner. It is not equivalent to dinner. Wow. Andressa. No. Christina, don't start supporting your husband, okay?

What's the plan? Don't turn... You're turning your back on me and that's not friendship. I'm just... Women, women stick together. Because your pH balance is off. It's not because you're born with it. It's because you keep fucking these dirty ass niggas.

And your bitches are shy to tell these niggas that their dick is hot. You gotta tell babe, yo, your dick's more like mustard, my nigga. You wanna throw my pH balance off. Hey, my mom likes Cardi B. Yeah. There you go. There you go. There you go.

That's your lady. That's Cardi B. Yeah. This is it. We appreciate it. I appreciate your time. I wanted you to see yourself on the live show. You were a homerun.

I'm sorry that you don't remember. So embarrassed. Any of it. I am sorry. I'm sorry that... But thank you for inviting your father and me to your live show in which what I understand, thanks to you, Christina. You know what he did?

What? They request me to don't watch the very half hour. So I'm leaving after this. Yeah. And so I didn't watch anything. The next day he called me to have some fun and told me in details what did he show in the first show. Yeah.

And I mean, it was... I'm not going to give my opinion about that. You can give your opinion. Yeah. Tell us how you feel. I feel disgusted. Yeah. I feel embarrassed.

I feel degraded. I feel happy here making him. I feel that he doesn't love me because to dare to do stuff like that and put his parents. I don't know if your father, you know, he support anything that Tony does. But to do that to us. Right. Without us watching it. So we're invited to his live show.

And I love my friend Tony. You're just going to watch the show. It's... What do you say? It's kids. Yeah. Kids. Clips.

Clips. Yeah. And it's just fun. Yeah. So back up, Tony. And then he told me, no. But we're not... We're not going to come here until nine o'clock.

So I saw it was our show just to find out later that was really, really, really, really, really, really. I can make really some of... Know something that I would ever get into. The only thing that was... I thought that was kind of crazy was the lady shit on her McDonald's. And then she ate her fries. Tony, you stop telling me all the stuff that you did because it was...

But thank you so much for inviting me today. Yes. Thank you so much for my two bucks. Uh-uh. I love you. It's enough. No. Listen to that.

But don't you think we're... You know, these people need to be showcased in show business. We're just giving these people a platform, the people that are in the margins, you know? That's right. And... They deserve a voice. You're giving a voice to people that otherwise wouldn't have one, Charles. You're kind of a hero.

People love you. Maybe you need to reframe your thinking. I reframe my thinking many times and I couldn't sleep for a couple of nights, as she told me. There is no way to reframe what is already very frame in my mind. Yeah. Okay. All right. Thank you so much.

I love you guys. I love you so much. Thank you for joining us today, recapping some of the best moments of the live show. And we cannot wait to do it again soon, okay? Love you. Love you, Charles. I hope your people are not... I love you, Christina.

Christina, don't forget to work into the second one. You got it. Okay. I'll send you some options. Bye, mom. Okay. Love you. I love you.

Bye. Happy birthday, Jane. Jane. Bye. It left. Bye. All right. So that was the great and powerful Charo.

Wow. Who joined us recapping the live show. And now we will take a quick break before we are back with another guest. And we're back with a very funny comedian. Oh, thank you. An actor. A lady. A lady.

A lady comic. All the guys right now are like, what? What? That's a lady. But you can kiss her dick. It hurts special. Kiss my dick. Sweet and salty.

You can watch on Netflix. Absolutely hilarious. Fortune Feudster. Thank you so much for coming. Yay. That was a line. I remember from the special though, right? Was it kiss or suck?

Ow my dick. Ow my dick. Sorry, ow my dick. I came out to my brothers. Yeah. And they were like, duh. Because when I was seven. That's right.

And they were like, oh, the soccer ball and yelled, ow my dick. I'm such a fan of you. And I have been for so long. You're so funny. And I just admire you because you're so different. Like when we're at the comedy store and Fortune's on stage, you're like this. The minute I saw you years ago, I was like, she's going to be a huge star. Oh, thank you.

Because there's something so unique and your energy is great. And you are from the south, which in LA is such an anomaly. Right. Where exactly from the south are you from? North Carolina. What part? Outside of Charlotte. Oh, okay.

It's called Belmont. It's really tiny. I know. Yeah. You know Belmont? I mean, I went to college just outside of Charlotte in Hickory. Oh, yeah. That's right.

Lenora. My brother went there for like a year and a half. Well, how do you say it? Furniture Capital, man. Lenora. Lenora. Lenora. Lenora.

But that's how you say it. Lot of furniture out in Hickory. It's Furniture Capital. I mean, I went to Furniture Fest. Yeah. You did? Yeah. Catawba County.

I was not... Where are you from, Tom? I love it. Well, originally from Cincinnati, but I went to high school in Florida. Yeah. And then my guidance... This is true. My guidance counselor, I went to a very small school in Florida and he brought me in and

we were discussing like, you know, the plan, the senior year. Yeah. This guy... I love this guy. Your guidance counselor? Yeah. He was great. I love this guy.

This guy was awesome, man. He was a brilliant man. Yeah. Really smart guy. He had a lot of sass to him. He had a 1600 on SATs, but brilliant dude. He passed away. But he's giving me...

He's giving me... He's like, so, looking at your grades, he's like, what do you... I mean, are you going to go to college? I was like, yes. Of course. And he's like, where are you thinking? And I was like... You know, I forget what I was suggesting and he was like, mm-mm.

And I was like, well, I mean, I don't know where to go. He's like, have you checked out Lenore Ryan? And I go, what do you... What is that? Yeah. That's so specific. He goes, I think you should check it out. And I go, why?

And he's like, you know, it's a liberal arts school that has this, this, and that, and you know, maybe they would take you because I don't think a lot of players will. And I was like, the fuck? He gets up and he walks out of the office for something. And I look on his desk and it has everybody's GPA for my class, which is a small class. It's a small school. And I'm looking from, and it's, it's in order. So like the, the 4.0.

Oh no, where were you? I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm going all the way second to last. Congratulations. Second to last. Wow. That should be the name of your next special, second to last. Second to last.

Damn. And then I take the trip and I go up and I visit and I'm like, yeah, this is a nice school. Yeah. And like, I mean, it's a very small school and it's a nice community, but I'm like, it's so foreign to me when I'm visiting. I'm like, I mean, what would I do? I don't know.

I go back, I just add it onto the list of schools that I apply to, only school I get into. Of course. That when people are like, why'd you pick a little more? I'm like, because they accept it. Because they pick me. Yeah. Sometimes that's, that's how it works.

Yeah. Where did you go to school? I went to a small women's college in Morale, peace college. I know you would think it would be like swimming with lesbians, but it wasn't. Really? No, because it was a, it's five minutes from NC state, which is a big engineering school. Yes. So dudes, lots of dudes.

Oh, lots of dudes. And they, so there are two women's colleges like right nearby and they were just like, who's going to be my wife? Oh, yeah. It was like that. So growing up in this Southern place and you knew you were gay very early, did you have to hide it? I didn't know.

I didn't come until I was 25. It seems like. That's not very early. I would know as soon as I was born, but somehow I was just like, I just have not found the right dude. Mr. Right. Yeah. I just, we haven't connected yet, but I'm going to meet him.

I feel real in my head was like, oh, he's cute. Like, yeah, I was trying. You were still trying and did you find anybody like attractive that you would date? I find men attractive still. I mean, I'm not like, you're welcome. Tom, you're gorgeous. Thank you. Is Tom your type?

But seriously, we would go on a date for sure. He's very alpha. He's very alpha. Would you? What's your energy? Like what, what celebrity would you go out with? Gosh, I'm a celebrity. Honestly, I've never thought about men wise.

Yeah. Like, are you, are you? Hmm. Well, we speak the same language. Talk about chicks. Yeah. Who's your celebrity? I have the biggest crush on Sandra Bullock girl.

Oh, yeah. I like the girl next door, like the pretty nice, like I was into that. I remember, I mean, didn't, I feel like half of America had a crush on her. Yeah. She's gorgeous. Like while you were sleeping that movie back in the day, I was like, man, I would love to be in that hospital bed right now and have her coming to visit and make a psycho pretending to be someone she's not.

And she's somebody, and again, you never know anything with Hollywood and spin, but she's somebody who, like, there's so many secondhand stories about her being cool and normal. Yeah. So the point where you're like, she can't be a piece of shit. Like everybody. Yeah, I think she is. Yeah, there are too many nice stories about her. There's too many good stories about her.

Yeah. Yeah. Cause usually people talk. Yeah. Usually they're like. Kind of know who sucks. Yeah. It was, it was never a secret when the story comes out.

You're like, yeah. You're like, everyone knew. This guy's an animal, man. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. So Sandra Bullock. You did.

You've talked about this, that you go in like your prom and shit with like dudes. Yeah, I went to prom, but like my prom date a couple times was like, he's gay, like he didn't know it back then either, but the, the gays always find each other. Even though you don't know you're gay, uh, men and women, you, you tend to like go to prom together and stuff. Cause there's just like this unspoken, like I don't want to touch you. You don't want to touch me. Let's go to prom.

This is perfect. Yeah. Oh, I love it. I didn't really date much. I had, I went out on some dates here and there, but I just kind of, I like was a nerd. I was an overachiever. I was into school and played three sports year round. You did.

What were your other sports? Uh, I played, uh, basketball, tennis and, um, uh, softball. Yeah. Obviously. Uh, randomly. I grew up playing soccer and so I played tennis in college all four years. You played tennis in college? Yeah.

You played tennis? She's a really good player. You guys should play. Oh, nice. We should play. I'm okay. Um, I, I hurt my shoulder. So we might be matched.

Well, I have a great spouse because like we're taking a, we took a lesson together and she's like, isn't Tom awesome to the, to the, to the professional instructor. He's like, yeah, he's doing great. She's like, no, like he could fuck somebody up in tennis and I'm like, no, no, I can't. Yeah. But I want him to compete against like an angry Russian guy in the neighborhood because we play on the public courts. Right.

We're not members of an audience. And I was like, there's got to be some maniac out there that we could put Tom up against because our, here's the deal. I'll tell our tennis coach is like this nice young guy. So sweet. And he was like, does anybody ever say mean shit to you? And he's like, all the time. He's like, I get these old guys that are like good feed, way to go asshole.

Like they yell at him. They yell at him for like his shots and like the way that. So mean. So she was like, Tom, you should put Tom up one of those guys and Tom will fuck him up. I'm like, Hey, I'm not like some high level player. Yes, you are. You're very good.

As long as you don't do that in like a bar fight. No, my husband will shut up. Yeah. No, no, I know better than that. But so like when Tom hits the ball, the coach will give him critiques like, okay, Tom, if you angle this, you can give him more spin. I don't get those critiques. Mine's like, hold the racket.

Right. I don't even get that. Is it over the net? Yeah. Like it's hopeless for me. Yeah. So for him, I love tennis. Yeah.

It's a great sport. I played a lot as a kid. I'm a gentleman. I played a lot as a kid. Yeah. Same. I gave it up for a long time. I mean, I played my whole life.

I played in a league out here. It was all men and me and I played in tournaments. My first like seven years in LA, I was playing in tournaments like all the time. Really? Yeah. And I would play mixed doubles. And they didn't have, because they didn't have many women, I would have to play in the A, the A level mixed doubles.

So these guys were like semi-pro and that they'd hit the ball and like scare the shit out of you. But you just got to put your racket in. Oh, yeah. They hit so fucking fast. Yeah. But it was, it's fun. I haven't, I haven't actually played in two years because it hurt my shoulder, but

Really? I think it's like. Well, if you're injured, we could be a perfect match. I think so. I think so. And then my senior year of college, I grew up playing soccer and then quit for in junior high and high school because we didn't have a girls team. And my senior year of college, I just randomly decided I was going to play on my college

soccer team. So I did that too. You did? Yeah. Can I tell you why I love you so much? Because Dan Pena, personal, play her Dan Pena. Okay. Do you know Dan Pena?

He's a motivational business coach. Okay. This is why I love you. I'll tell you. Personal development. You can't measure personal development. The morons will eat it up like ice cream. You can't fucking measure it.

How do you measure personal development? You don't, you fucking recharge. You cannot measure personal development. Yeah. Wow. He's one of our life coaches. Yeah. Wow.

Whose dad is that? That's mine. But here's why I love you fortune because you're sitting here and you're saying, I want it to play on this team. There was no girls team. Right. So I joined the boys team. There was no, I've heard you say this now three or four times.

There's nothing for women. So I do what the guys are doing. But in today's society, you would have to get a group of Twitter assholes together and then cancel the men's team. Right, right. You know, and I, I love your chutzpah that you were like, fuck you. She brought him up because Dan would be like, yeah, that's what you're supposed to do. You play anyway.

You fucking pussy. Like that. That's what you would say. Yes. Yeah. You got to work around shit. Yeah. A hundred percent.

People can't bend to you. But see, this is also the trade. No, you fucking show them what's up. And eventually society comes. And then you get better as you're playing. I think this is a trade also that you find in comedians, because the idea, the preposterous idea that one would become a successful comedian is nonsense. Somebody's saying like, I'm going to go talk on a mic and make people, like that whole

thing is silly. And all the things you do to get to that point are ridiculous. Right. And you're doing, driving to do a bar show is insane. You know, doing a, spending, spending two weeks in a car to, to net $400 is crazy. It's crazy. So, but you're like, yeah, but I'm doing it because I'm trying to do it like, I find that trait.

You see it a lot in comics. You have to have an unwavering sense of like, I'm going to figure it out. Yeah. I'm going to figure it out. Whatever happens, I'm going to figure it out. How easy would it have been for you to be like, well, I'm a lesbian in the South. There's nobody, or maybe not even knowing that, like I'm this weird girl and I'm not a girly girl.

And all the shit I want to do, I don't fit in doing, you could have just cried and gotten on TikTok and say that you're a victim and, and you know, the world hates me and da-da-da. But you did. It was a different time too. You know, when we came up, I think there was less of that entitlement, like we're owed something. Right. And I'm more of a like, oh shit, like I got to figure this out.

Like I don't fit in here, I don't fit in there. So what am I going to do? You know? So you just sort of find your place. And for me, it was sports. And I would watch SNL a lot and like, I'd learn all the sketches. Yeah. So at the, at practice, I would do like Molly Shannon's character or sing like Adam Sandler's

like Lunge Lady's song. Yeah. So I would like make people laugh. And that's kind of where I film my, my place. Yeah. You're fantastic. My favorite thing that you do on your gram is the gram brand brand, I swear to God, team. I do a character named Brenda, who's like a housewife and it's so great though.

It's so authentic. Yeah. Like, you know who this person is. It's like five. I'm trying to think. There's me and a hot tub. Yeah. The last one.

I don't know. She's like, based on like five ladies I grew up with. Please find this one in the hot tub. It's on your gram feed. Yeah. It's on my Instagram. It's on the gram. But, but she's just always talking about her husband's team and she, is it see all there

at the bottom? No. Oh God. It's off. Like, do keep going. Keep going. Keep going. There's Brenda.

There's Brenda right there. Where? In the middle? No. That's, that's my mom. That's not that one. She's so funny, dude. Wait, where's Brenda?

Well, there's one of her in the hot tub. Yeah. That was my family. She's always, she's always exasperated with her husband, DM. DM. And then he buys her some turquoise. And so she gives them a BJ. Oh, nice.

Yeah. Yeah. And so I basically take like the, the most asinine things of being a straight housewife. That's why I love it. Give advice. You know what I would, what I found in Carolina, Carolina when I was like spent four years there. And you'd, you know, hang out with people that I'd never been around before.

Yeah. Like Carolina authentic. They would tell you like what they were like as a kid. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Like some of the, like, they're like, well, I was a kid and I was like, I don't care. And I was knee hot or grasshopper.

Yeah. Mom, I want to say I used to, I used to throw a Fiat. If I didn't, I'm like, I don't, this is not something you tell people, you know, it's interesting. Keep this to yourself. Is that Dolly Parton, as God bless her, she's a Santa lover, but she does that thing where she needs to retell her story growing, growing up in whatever. I was in Westford, no, was she Tennessee?

Yeah. Tennessee in the hills. She whispered talks. Yeah. Yeah. Let's stay true. And let me tell you, and I'm reading her book now. Her fucking upbringing is the most depressing thing you've ever heard.

No, like electricity, right? No. And a shack, 11 brothers and sisters, one baby dies when she's, it's a nightmare. They had no food. And the whole time she's like, those were the best years of my life. Like, no. Yeah. There is that.

Keep going. Keep going. The other constant that I find or found in the South, is no one says like, my dad or my mom, they'll be like, no, they'll be like, dad, yeah, like dad said, I'm like, who's that? My dad. Oh, there's one right there. There she is.

There she is. And the turquoise. There. You're on it. This one's my favorite because it's so fucking accurate. Okay. Y'all, there has been a new development. Look at that old fashioned and look at those crocs.

That's right. Tim has joined me in the hot tub. Tim, stop it. He just touched my foot with his foot. I think that's not the only thing he wants to touch. If you know what I mean, Tim, you just, I'm doing a video. You are being just a little horned dog. He's been driving me crazy all week, but looking at him over there in his tidy whiteies in the

hot tub. He's looking real good. You are. Okay. Get off the video right now. Okay. You guys, I got to go do my duties as a wife. Yeah.

And somebody's going to get a little, I can't believe I just did that. That's totally how they are. Yeah. I can't believe I just did that. That's how you got to keep a husband. There was such a lane of Carolina lady, like so many in my little school. So many were like, you know, it's senior year and you're like, what are you doing now? Well, we're going to, you know, do this, take a trip and then Sheila and I are going to

get married. I'm like, you're getting married? And they're like, yeah. Like a bunch of kids. Yeah. I was like, dude, we're 22. Oh yeah. I had a bunch of, I know a bunch of people I went to college with got married as soon as

graduation. Yeah. And then are they still together? Some of divorce. Yeah. And I knew a lot that like immediately started the family. Yeah. Oh yeah.

I'm like, I'm like, I'm five years into stand up here. It's like, I'm 27 or something. Yeah. And then you're like, how's it going? Well, you know, we just had our third. You had your third. Yeah. I mean, it was like, and then, you know, mama said, who's mama?

Your mama? Like always. And they're in like a two story house in North Carolina. Yeah. And you know, we're all like broke as shit when we're in our late 20s and we're like, man, they made it. They are, they are rich. Yeah.

Like some of them by the time I turned 30, I remember we're talking about these retirement plans, selling that first house, getting a second house. Yeah. I mean, and like just, we're like, I'm like, I got two roommates. I know. Well, yeah. Cause Tom and I were at our poorest and we just got married. I was 32.

And how old are you? 28 or 29? 29. Yeah. And his friends from the South were calling us and telling us they were doing all these things. And I was like, really? Cause all my guys, I grew up with an LA.

Wow. We had douche bags in our 30s. You're right. It was foreign to me. Are you, uh, one guy came and he goes, are you going to keep doing this? I'm like doing what? This comedy. Yeah.

I mean, you're not on TV or nothing. I'm like, is this your fucking encouragement? No. It's so depressing. They're all like, give up. Yeah. They're like, why are you doing this? Oh my gosh.

You screwed them wrong. You screwed them wrong. Second to last. Second to last. First best. Second to last. First best. Do you know what I love about your Instagram feed too?

Is that it's just positive energy? Like, I don't think I've ever gone to your feed and been bummed out. I'm always like, oh, there's fortune because you always do your ice cream dance. Yeah. Or you're just like, it's just positive energy. I love it. Oh, thank you. I'm a clown.

I don't know. I just feel like social media is so negative. Everything's so negative. And I do feel like a genuine, I genuinely have a positive like outlook. I don't, I'm lucky because I know not everybody, do you feel like you have an authentic positive outlook or like an Ellen positive? No, it's not. I genuinely wake up pretty happy.

I believe it. I believe it. I mean, of course I can be an asshole. I can be moody. I mean, who can't? That's just normal human stuff. But for the most, because I mean, I think, you know, I had a childhood where there was plenty of hardships as you overcome.

And I think I've, getting through that and just getting into a place of like, I moved to LA, it was hard, but I finally started working. I bought a little house. I was like, oh, I made a life for myself. Like what is there to be bummed out about? And so I just sort of filter that. That's how I view the world. And it filters out into my comedy too.

It doesn't come, my comedy doesn't come from darkness. There's pain there for sure. But I've never even talked about that in stand up. I've never even talked like gone into that stuff. It's all just like, you know, this is life. These are funny stories that have happened to me. And people can get negative shit wherever you turn on the news, you turn on the social media.

It's there. Yeah. There's not lack of negative stuff. Yeah. So it's like, why not? I like it. Why not put out happier stuff? I agree.

That's how we always felt too. Yeah. Make people happy, especially nowadays. Jesus Christ. What does it feel as two ladies sitting here knowing that pretty much the hottest song out right now is wet ass pussy? Can I tell you, it's been in my head for a week and I don't even play it. You can't play it.

Thank God. But. I just got the dab dry ass pussy. Because your pH balance is off. It's not that you balance. It's because y'all keep fucking these dirty ass niggas. And your bitches are shy to tell these niggas that a dick is hot. You gotta tell babe, yo, your dick's more like mustard, my nigga.

Mustard. Y'all bitches be fucking these little dirty ass niggas. Y'all be sucking their dick and shit. Y'all be gagging on it. Y'all think y'all gagging on it because the dick is big. But no bitch, it's because it stinks. There's where, I was wondering where all my bandanas went. Because y'all bitches need to fucking brush your teeth before you suck dick.

Y'all eating barbecue ribs the whole day. Bacon, niggas, cheese. Then you suck your niggas dick. And right after, he directly put it inside your pussy. Now you got bacon, niggas, cheese, grease inside your pussy. That smells great. That smells great to me. I'd rather smell like bacon, niggas, cheese than some of the other options.

Seriously. That is a BSA right there. Really? Nobody can do it like... Nobody can do it like Cardi B. I got that whip ass pussy. Because she is very authentic. That is totally who she is.

That's who she is. And I think that's what draws us to certain people. And if she were sitting here right now, she'd be like, Yeah, I wake up in this kind of mood and I like to talk about my whip pussy. Yeah, I love sucking dick. And I'd be like, I believe it. She does because in that whop song, I don't know if you've heard it. I've heard like snippets.

She says that she wants to suck it until it hits that thing in the back, your throat, the ball in the back. She really likes sucking dicks. That's real. Good for her. Have you ever tried sucking a dick? I've never sucked a dick. It's all just skin.

It's all skin. I gave one hand job. I talked about that in the stand-ups. Yeah, I grabbed it like it was a hot clear net. I just kept doing this. Doing this. Because I didn't want to touch it for too long. Yeah.

And yeah, it was not great. It was not pleasurable for me. Did he give you a good review? No, I got a one star on Yelp. Oh, really? Not great. He was like, ow. And then when you touched a Fijine for the first time,

you must have been nervous then too. How old are you when you finally did touch a Fijine? 40. No. God, I don't know. That would have been like mid-20s. Oh, wow. It came out at 25.

Yeah. So it would have been soon after that. But you probably felt more comfortable. It just, see, it just, yeah. I mean, I was also like young when I touched the wainer for the first time. I was like 15. Yeah.

So when you're 15, everything's weird. Yeah. You're just like, this is not great for you or me. Why are we doing this? I remember when I first touched a Fijine, I did not know where the hole was. Yeah, I'm sure. I just tried to jab it.

And she was like, that's not the entrance. I was like, I've seen plenty of movies. I think it is. Yeah. You're like, they just lay on top of you and boom. There he goes. I was like, oh, that's it. Yeah.

Feels some rubbery. That's true. Rubbery. Yeah. Yeah. What? She had a wop. She had a wop?

Yeah. That's right. Because she was dealing with you. Yeah. She was pretty pumped about it. She was like, wait, aren't you that tennis star that I saw? There you go. On the court.

I got a wop. There you go. There you go like this. Wow. That's awesome. What was he even trying to do, stick his tongue out? I think so. I think he was feeling that guitar riff so much that it just kind of.

He forgot about his teeth. Jesus. That's gnarly. Did you grow up with a lot of people that had those kind of teeth? I'm sure they did, but I didn't really examine it very much. My grandma had them. I saw her once without them and it's jarring. It's jarring, right?

It's like when you see your, also when you see your grandma with no shirt on for the first time. That's jarring. That is scary. And then right here, you get skin against skin. Yeah. And you go, wow, that's what happens to babies. Dude, that's what happens to all of it.

Did you know that your labia is going to hang like that? It's going to hang. Really? Yeah. One time I changed a hundred year old lady for her birthday party when I. Wait, what? I volunteered. This is great.

At a retirement home for high school and high school for Christian service hours. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. And it was Mabel's 100th birthday and they had my friend Shauna and I change her for her 100th birthday party. And her tit was out of the bra and loose. And then her vagina lip, her labia was hanging out of her undies and we just put the dress on over it.

Like I wasn't going to tuck her tit in her badge. You can't tuck that. But it's crazy. It all gets all loosey down there. Wow. I didn't know that. I never examined my grandmother's bottom part. So I don't know why her situation was there.

Ask around the fam. See if someone else did, you know? I'll call up my mom. Hey, how's your labia situation? Yeah. Is it getting droopy? Oh. Oh.

Wow. You're going to see mine. And our nuts, guys, our nuts, just gravity just keeps, you know, they really end up hanging. Really? I've seen my dad from behind. It looks like he has pig nuts. I love when dudes sit and they have like tight khakis on. And it's just a big ol'.

Yeah. See the bulge. They just sit on the couch. Yeah. And guys can sit on their balls. Yeah. Yeah. And it hurts real bad.

And it didn't like it at all. Okay. So I know that you love ladies. Yes. But I think this might get you to switch sides. All right. Let's see. Greetings, Instagram.

Oh. I am Michael Kaposha. I have a proposition. I am one of a select few who has been chosen to participate in a special hunt for a special prey. When I succeed, the reward will be in the amount of 5,000 American dollars and capture an attractive girlfriend. Capture.

Capture. And you also said prey. The cool guy club. Pretty cool guy, right? I wanted you to capture. I mean, five grand is pretty cheap to capture. Yeah. To kidnap someone?

I'll add that I like that he has a poster of what appears to be like a porn star over his shoulder. He did dress up for the video. I'll give him that credit. True. He wore both his hoop earrings. Yeah. He could just like hire like a prostitute for five grand.

He wants a girlfriend. That's true. Or a cam model. He could at least spend an hour in her chat room. Right. Like a few. Five grand will get you a good show, I'm guessing. Yeah.

Yeah. That's true. Is that like his vision board? I'm sure. That's who he hopes they capture for him. Yeah. I mean, you got to step up that payout, man. Yeah.

Five is nothing. Thank you. I don't know. I can't tell if like Corona Toms has made people crazy or if this is always this guy's situation. No. It's always this guy. I think this guy's probably like this regularly.

Yeah. Yeah. We've been doing the show for a while. Yeah. We found another really, really interesting cool guy who he works at a gym and the security camera caught him being extra cool. Wow. That's the first one.

Look. Oh, did he just? He just sniffed. Sniffed the booty hole. And he works at the gym. He's security. Oh my God. Wow.

Wow. He went back for seconds. He had the audacity to do the first and the third. Oh. Whoa. Whoa. He stayed there for a minute. How many arms?

I don't even know what exercises are called. How many arm crunches did she do? Arm pulls. I know, right? And don't you sense when somebody's sniffing your asshole? I usually know. I think you do sense it. Okay?

Like you... I'm always nosing your nose there. Well, yeah. Like when you're... I think someone's sniffing my asshole. In your space? Like I'm just saying... Oh, this is the final fourth.

Fourth time. I really want that. Oh, he went further down. Oh, he got busted. Oh, he dropped something. Oh, what's on there? She felt it on her couch that time. He got bold.

He did. He got too bold because he went further down. Yeah. Yeah. He was trying to get tanked. But what? He was arrogant. Yeah.

So arrogant. Yeah. But like to even... Like to give that a shot, you got to be so crazy. You're not seeing his cover. See? Do you see what he did? He was like...

Aw, thank you. Aw, thank you. So he had a plan. Yeah. And he wrote it down on paper. Yeah. This is a private... This is a rooftop private gym.

Yeah. Busted. She's like, what the fuck? And he goes... He goes, oh, I fell down. There it is. There's the pen. I was like a four the whole time.

It was right there. What? I'm just trying to imagine like a sweaty smelly... Yeah. What? What is it? I know what it smells like after I do Pilates. Yeah.

And those leggings, they're not very porous. No. It doesn't smell good. Exactly what it smells like. It smells like my dick's all hard right now. Oh my God. So I was into it. Yeah.

You're not into sweaty smells down there? No. I don't go sniffing around anything. Dave, but do you like your own smells? Because Tom and I were discussing that. We enjoyed our own. Okay. I feel like I haven't convinced you yet to date a man.

So here's another guy. I can't believe you haven't convinced me. Well, I'm just trying to dig through our portfolio. We're going to texture that. Do you like this guy? Let's see. Sometimes in life, you just feel like spitting. What?

No. See? He's got a hoarder house. Got you. 100%. Yes, he does. Hoarder house. Yes.

Get away. No. What? That doesn't turn you on? No. Okay. You dirty rat. You turk.

You littering bug. Yeah. But reality isn't those seeds. Aren't those seeds biodegradable for all you tree-hugging? Maastrixes. Aren't they made from natural products? It's a master. And aren't they going to degrade and biodegrade in about three, four months anyway?

So next time I come around here, you're not going to be there. Okay. Fair enough. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Littering. Spitting.

Who gives a smeg? A smeg? A smeg. Even if it doesn't biodegrade, won't somebody sweep it up anyway? Somebody else will. Definitely. That's why you get minimum wage and all that stuff. And he's an alias.

He's an alias. Yeah. I could see this guy. A real snob. Yeah. 100% justifying keeping someone in his basement. Yeah. Totally.

Oh yeah. Yeah. You're like, she didn't even have a job. Free room and board. Yeah. But he's like, oh, and then you clean it up for minimum wage. Yeah, that's why you have that job. Such a dick.

He's the guy that's taking that $5,000 bounty finding that girl for an old freak show. Oh yeah. Yeah. For the circus guy. And then what he does is he finds the girl and he's like, so this guy's willing to pay you $1,000. Do you want to go? I'll split it with you.

I saw what you did there, Sneaky. And then he pockets them. He pockets the rest. What a jerk face. He's at the car wash. I'm here at the pump. Somebody's going to have cleaned that up. Yeah.

It's not me. Yeah. It's going to be you. Yeah. You're probably some kind of tree hugging. Brush your mouth off. I know. You can't see that.

They go freeway with my thing on your lip. I'm thinking sunflower seeds so I don't have an accident. Okay. Yeah. I feel it. It's a selfie. You can see your dirty ass face. You know, it's also, you can see, even though he has those super cool glasses on, you can

see that there's not a lot going on in his eyes. Right. You know, like not a lot of... Not very animated. Yeah. Not a lot of emotion. Not a lot of feelings in there. Yeah.

Now there's a cool guy. Yeah. He's very cool. It's disgusting. It's like those people when they get the white things in the corners of their mouths and they don't wipe it. Like, don't feel that. Oh, yeah.

It makes me... Check my mouth. Oh, fuck. Yeah. So what's your order? Like, who are you most interested in? Oh, I have to pick. So, I mean, there's not a real front runner.

Oh, there's not? Right now. But you have... I like guns and everything. But every now and again, I wish I could go out with the sword strapped to my side. Why? Because I have the perfect sword. It actually comes from an anime called Rurouni Kenshin.

The blade is reversed. So the front side is beveled. Oh. So that is a big, big, big bone without actually deliming... Deliming. Just numbering, rather, or killing someone. Oh, that's nice. Wow.

The glasses are too small for his face. Yeah. Well, this guy... Other side, however. And he's a nerd. I must get serious. Serious. Your side will be the one to remove your arms.

That will be the deliming. Don't fuck with the camera family because we are always prepared. Okay. Note to self. I think there's a front runner now. I mean, this guy's... He's at least a protector. Yes.

I like that. Yeah. Nerds that's into Kanaki and Jonti or whatever, the Japanimation stuff, did you hear him at the top? What? What's it called? I don't know. Harajuku?

I don't know. What's it called? Anime? Well, he's like... I'm into... I like my hands and everything, but every now and again, I wish I could go out with a sword strapped to my side. Why?

Because I have the perfect sword. It actually comes from an anime called Rurouni Kenshin. Marouni Kenshin or whatever. Oh, I see. Yeah. He does have beautiful property. I know. See, you do find the positive in everything.

You did. You did. Look at that. It's a beautiful place. The green grass, the flowers. I never would have thought of that. No. I just would have thought of how much I hate him.

So this guy would be, you'd consider, of all the cool guys he'd be on him. So far, at least I like his property. So if I'm being held captive, I have a gorgeous view. There you go. He won't ever touch you because he's afraid of girls. Totally. He's never really going to. No.

We will just sit on that port swing right there that's almost fallen apart and we'll just sit there until it does rust in half. Did you follow the Jerry Falwell Jr. news? I saw some of the headlines. I know that he and his wife was boinking the pool guy for seven years. And he was involved. He was watching. He was in the corner watching it allegedly.

I didn't know this. It's my favorite type of story is when the religious person who makes really strong statements about morality and how you should live your life. Family tradition. The traditional family they were big into because the university that they're associated with is very conservative. Liberty. Liberty University.

I don't even know if gay people are allowed to go there. Well, that's true. I think you couldn't openly. Yeah, openly be gay. But they were very, they were very much against gay marriage. They were very much for the traditional family. Yeah. And so the story came out a couple of years ago that they had befriended a pool boy when

he was 20 years old in Miami and they go, he's a, we just wanted to help him out. He's a business. He's now a business partner with us. We were like, the pool boy is now a business partner. That doesn't make sense. But nothing like the story kind of died. Well the guy, I guess, fell out with them and now is telling everyone. Telling everybody.

And so Jerry Falwell Jr. had to resign as a president of Liberty University and the young man released a recording he made of a phone call. Oh, I never heard the phone call. Oh, allow me to be the one to play it for you. Thank you. So in this recording from 2018, Giancarlo Grande said he and the Falwells discussed Becky Falwell's jealousy about him dating other women. So and this was like, they'd have open discussions like with Jerry and her like, Jerry was fine

with her getting railed by him and they get freaky. Yeah. So Rhonda says his sexual relationship with the Falwells began when he was 20. He says he had sex with Becky Falwell while Jerry Falwell Jr. head of Liberty University and a staunch supporter, President Trump looked on. So here's some of the audio of that. It's pretty cool. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So his new thing is like telling me every time he hugs up with people like I don't have feelings or something. He's gonna make himself. Yeah. Not trying to do that.

Like a week ago I was in tears for a whole freaking day. He's like, I'm gonna go with this girl, Tanner, and then I got her a date for her and I'm like, it's just lately in front. So I don't know if it's clear to you. So that's her saying like, oh, his new thing is telling me about her. What do we hooks up with? So hard. And then Jerry pipes in.

He's like, oh, you're gonna make her jealous and he's like, oh, I'm not trying to do that. Right. And then she says I was in tears like a week ago. You're surprised. Yeah. You don't care about me. Maybe the more you tell me, the more I'll get used to it. You don't care about me anymore, Becky.

You don't care about me anymore. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Obviously. Yeah. That's fine. I just saw you because you're my best friend.

I'm trying to be okay. Except in my position. What? My position? I've taken a lot. I've moved on. I've matured. I'm not as crazy as I used to be.

I don't think. I don't think. So yeah, this is just, huh? No, you're, you're perfect. You're perfect. Yeah. You little slut. Fucking slut.

Yeah. This is just new. I don't know. You know, even before when you weren't dating somebody, it just kind of threw me for a life. So Jerry's just on the phone. He's on the phone just stroking his dick, I guess. I don't know what he's doing.

That's so hot. That drives me bonkers too. What? When people are so verbal about like, like just take gay people where they're like, they're sinners for just existing. For existing, yeah. They shouldn't have gay marriage. Marriage should not be allowed to them because they will, the sanctity of it.

And then you hear shit like that and you're just like, go screw yourself. Like, yeah. A man making love to another man's anus is unnatural. Yeah. Yeah. But it's always the loudest one. It's always the loudest one. It bothers to the point where they want to get in front of a podium.

Yeah. That you have to go like, I cannot wait. You always know that the clock is ticking. Oh, 100%. Whoever like makes it their platform, you know, to rail against just any type of, you know, when they put their moral guideline, like as the forefront to what their whole message is and like telling people how to live, you go, I know this person's going to have some creepy shit come out.

Yeah. Because they think that it will detract from them. Yeah. And it's happened so many times. Oh, that's so true. They're so loud against whatever that people won't even think to look at my own life to see if I'm following the traditional family values. God, I wish I remembered there was, I mean, there's been, there's been a few like pastors

that have been in that, you know, it's always like the loud pastor. There's been a couple lawmakers, you know. Oh yeah. There's been a lot of stories that are like different Republican lawmakers in the past who did, you know, or always against homosexuality. They're like, yeah, that dude was tapping his foot in the bathroom. Oh yeah. I remember the foot tapper.

Yeah. That was Ted Haggard. Yeah. Was that? I think so, wasn't he? No. He was doing meth. Oh yeah.

And he was tapping his foot in the bathroom, right? To get the attention. No, that was Senator Clark, I think. Who's the foot tapper? Tag the foot tapper. I don't remember. Homosexual? The story kind of died.

Yes, the Idaho. Lindsey Graham just had that story come along where he allegedly, you know, was hiring male escort. Which would be the best. And they called up, they say they referred to him as Lady Craig. Lady Craig. Oh yeah. That's the Idaho Senator.

Haggard is a different story, but Craig was the one. He was doing meth and banging dudes, Ted. Craig was at the Minneapolis St. Paul International Airport. Yeah. And that's where he got busted by the cops. And he was like, oh, he was out of toilet paper. And I wanted you to give me some. Yeah.

And that guy was like. I know some people from back home that were very homophobic and they got caught doing stuff. And he was like, why would it bother you? Yeah. Live your life. I don't give a shit what you do. Yeah.

What do you care what I do? Why do you not? But would you be okay with me sleeping with a 20 year old pool boy and then we talk about it and stuff? Yeah. Yeah. That sounds cool. Yeah.

And then I'll watch. No, because Jerry watches. At the right. That's the whole fun. Yeah. He's in the corner. He's like. He's like.

Get him there. Give it to her. I can't do what you do. He's like. He's like. I need a rat leg up. She likes that. Don't you like that?

I hope he did give her give directions. What's going on there? I mean that would not infuriate you as a. It must feel like a. I mean, yeah, of course, but for them, it must be the rush of the public persona versus what they're doing. I feel like that's the rush. Maybe.

You realize, we're given religious speeches and people look to us for how to live their life and then we're having this young guy come fuck you and that would give me so much anxiety to be like, I'm this public person and then behind closed doors were told up here. It's too much. Yeah, it's not not even worth it when you wouldn't like it if someone was like banging your. I don't want to.

I don't want to walk. I don't like even want the lights on now. You think I want the spectator? No, that's a thing. Is that too? Like Tom and I were talking about this like after a certain age, like you don't want to see yourself on video first of all because we're what were we watching that they were recording themselves having sex or something and we're like, you have to be so good looking

to do that. You're real attractive. Yeah. And then especially over 40. You're like, I don't want anyone else in this room. This would be my video would be like on one of like the the the real hardcore like fucked up sites. Yeah.

Yeah. Be like on heavy R or E fucked. They'd be like, you want to see some gross shit? Look at this guy. I used to love that show Jigalos. Oh, so did we. Oh man. I love to see.

I mean, I don't know if it was like all fake or whatever, but I love seeing those ladies just paying for that stuff and who and all the different ladies they had to bang. We had Brace on the show. Brace was on a few times. Oh, really? Yeah. He used to come on a lot. Like really into like conspiracy theories.

Oh, really? Yeah. I guess that's not surprising. Yeah. And then I always always do this thing. I'll be like, because you know, you're a hoe. He's like, I'm not a back alley hoe. I'm like, there you are.

You were the trip, man. I loved all those jeans with that were bedazzled. Yeah. The Brace philosophy. The Brace philosophy. The Brace philosophy. Yeah. He's great.

And one of the things about that show is that they had the website. It was called Cowboys for Angel. Yes. And you could choose what kind of a guy, like did you want the yoga guy with the long hair? Were you sensitive? Did you want Brace who was kind of like a, you know, on the guy with the tats? Yeah. You want the bad boy?

Like all the flavors were there. I love that show. They need to bring it back. Post Corona. I know. Let's see Jigalos. Brace philosophy. That's right.

The Brace philosophy. Oh yeah, Vin. The Brace philosophy. Vin, I like Vin. I would have chosen him. I would have chosen Vin too. Because Vin was the only normal one. Yeah.

He was like kind of a sensitive, nicer one. That's who I would have, if I had, if you were like fortunate, you got a bang one dude. Vin. It would have been Vin. Yeah. Yeah, Brace just does as my type. Brace was too. Brace was.

I'm not into blonde dudes. It's not my thing. See, he's a good looking man. No, Vin was perfect. And he was nice. And I would have. He was nice. I would have not minded chatting with him.

Yeah, because he seemed sweet and he was empathetic. Nick's a little too aggressive for me. A little bit. Yeah. I don't like that. I'm not into tattoos. I like the nipple rings. Yeah.

There you go. He's working on his raps. He's doing well. He was a rapper. We got a follow up on these Jigalos. See how life is doing. Call him up. What's up, ho?

Stop calling me a ho. That show and there was another show about polyamory. I think. Hello. All our hits. Yes. And they were the weirdest people because it's never like it. There was one good looking couple in LA.

And then the rest were like. By the way, he's the one that says the Pule. He goes, let's go swimming in the Pule. Yeah. I know you're talking about. The rest are like such dorks. You're like, no, you guys can't. But I love that show.

It's a bad show. Well, we were hooked on that. Yes, polyamory. Polyamory. Yeah. So what's going on about the show polyamory? Is there supposed to give like, it's supposed to be this insight into this world, right? Yeah.

And you're like, well, these are the people that know how to do it. And then like the lead lady was like, I'm feeling insecure. And you're like, wait a minute. Right. They got jealous. That's the main fucking. These are the people that are experts in it. I forgot about that.

Yeah. They were getting jealous. And the whole point is, you don't get jealous. Yeah. You talk about your feeling so much that there's no feelings left. I mean, the talking would make me crazy. That's why we don't do polyamory. Oh, God.

Just talking about your fucking feelings. Yeah. But my favorite is when she would ask permission to fluid bond with Jesse. Do you remember that? For God. Where she was like, I'm going to have fluid bond with Jesse. And then she had to, basically it's that she could raw dog. Yeah.

With her boyfriend. And if her husband was okay, raw dog. He's like, I think it's pretty hot. The best were when they would have the like, we have a special orgy night with everyone. And then just like, it was like, this is the Saturday night on the 22nd. Everyone. I mean, bring cheese. Could you imagine a more disgusting thing?

Like getting like all those different genitals, like different smells and different assholes and different. Yeah. Yeah. It's too many smells. Fucking awesome. Because I think in theory it sounds exciting. Like, yeah, I want to do an orgy.

And then the reality is probably not as exciting. There's the good looking couple up there with the, the guys. That's him. That's the pool. He said, let's go to the pool. The girls. Wait. Is that our Dr. Drew with the cast of polyamory?

It is. It is. Oh my gosh. Yeah. And then one guy with the long, the bank, the long banks. He was always bummed out that his wife was taught. I wanted to talk about feelings. He's like, yeah, yeah.

I gotta go fuck my girlfriend. Yeah. God, this was such a good show. Man, I gotta, I might have to, I wonder if it's on Hulu or something. That's the one. That's the attractive. And that's the, we're going to go swimming in the pool. Yeah.

And he had this. I need to look this show up. But these two girls hated each other. They were jealous and didn't get into all kinds of fights. It doesn't work. It doesn't work. You gotta all get along. And like, I want to watch those shows about the Utah, the Mormons, but they're not attractive

enough. No, yeah. And they don't bone. They don't bone like this. You gotta, you gotta see some action here and there. Why don't you have kids? You're not fucking like you used to. Yeah.

It's not going to happen. Oh, they really had a, they're, time to shine. They're on like red carpets and stuff. Geez. That show was from a while ago. Isn't it just the most amazing feeling when your partner finds a new girlfriend or a new partner and you get to just soak up all that NRE. Energy.

New relationship energy. The other half as much as you do. And waking up, they're still asleep and seeing their phone going off, knowing that that's their new love, just sending the messages and waiting for them to get up in the morning. My husband found himself a girlfriend. It's one of our best friends. And I am so incredibly happy. I can't share this on Facebook.

Cause my family's on there. Yeah. Cause I just can't hold it in. She's still amazing and we're so great together. I love seeing them holding hands. That's the best part. My Polly people. What's been your favorite thing?

Polly people. Yeah. Hey Polly people. I mean, listen, if it works for them, she's so happy. You think so? Or do you think that she's putting that on? Yeah. This is great.

This is my best friend. Yeah. Her holding hands. I think you got it. I think you got it. That's the first person that sends them a text in the morning. It's great. He hasn't made breakfast in a month.

Nothing better than your spouse getting a new boyfriend or girlfriend. It feels so good. Even hearing her talk makes my stomach ill. I felt my visceral nausea. I would feel so sick inside if my husband had a new girlfriend. I don't know what she feels. Sorry bud. It's not happening.

You might just kind of ease her into it. This is my road girlfriend. Oh, we talk about that. Road beef. Road beef. Road beef is there just to fill a need. Road beef doesn't get gifts. Road beef doesn't eat on the bus.

I throw the sandwich out on the side of the road. He bought me a nice purse on Sunday. That's what you get the wife, the number one. Road beef doesn't get shit like that. No, she gets a fanny pack. At best. At best. No, plastic bag from fucking CBS.

Here you go. That's right. You're road beef. You're still special. I'm number one. I bore two sons, by the way. Strapping sons. Two boys.

That's a handful. Yes. Look how tired we are. We've aged in dog years. With two sons. You guys look beautiful. Two sons. Is that it?

Do you want more? No. I don't want another one. No. I would take another dog. I've been eyeballing Frenchies. Are you guys bummed you didn't have a girl? Or you were like boys?

First of all, gender doesn't exist. So I'm a little upset. That's a good point. My bad. How dare you. We have two children. We don't know that they're boys. They might be.

They're going to tell us what they are later. We ask them every day from the time they're six months old. That's LA parents. LA parents. We ask their consent for everything. Is it okay to change your diaper? Is it okay to eat right now? Is it okay to turn the air conditioning on?

You decide. You decide. You're the child. These are going to be very well rounded. And they're vegan. Is there anything that gives you what we like to call a dad boner? Meaning like some people like, you know, they put on a train set and they're like, and they get so excited by the seemingly, you know, like mundane thing.

Right. But you get over excited by something that somebody else might not even look at twice. I mean, I feel like a lot of people might say this. It sounds so lame. I love coffee. Yeah. I get a big dad boner. Yeah.

For that. Like I get excited at night knowing that in the morning. Yes. I'm going to have coffee. Yes. What's your coffee? Like what are you getting? I like espresso on ice.

Wow. With a little bit of oat milk because I'm a bushy LA asshole now. No, you're a woman after my own heart. This is perfect. But because I don't like the big iced coffees because it tastes very watery to me. I like it. The espresso is strong and then a little bit of milk. And so you're really, it doesn't overpower the taste of the espresso.

Are you making your own espresso at home with a machine or are you going somewhere? I usually like to go somewhere. It's my one splurge I usually buy. Where do you go? Groundworks. Oh, that's like a fancy independent. Yeah. It's a LA based, I think it's just LA maybe.

But they have really good espresso and they either do oat milk or they make their own cashew milk and it's really good, but it has some sugar in it. Cold brews is my shit. Yeah. Cold brews good. Yeah. I've been into Gibraltar's. My friend got me into Alfred's coffee.

I like Alfred's too. And I ordered double Gibraltar. That's two espressos. Yeah. Just a little bit of whole milk. And I am on fire. It is lightening. I haven't had a Gibraltar.

White lightning. Yeah. Alfred's is really good. Cold lanes good, because these people, these coffee places are really perfected. Yeah. The beans. I love that coffee became like a huge industry in the States. It wasn't, you know, like when we were kids it was just like, your parents just put the

filter in, brewed their coffee, but like it exploded into an industry here. Wait, what's the thing you get stoked about? Coffee? I mean, I get stoked about cars. I get like a dad boner. He gets total dad boners. I especially like going to like, to a track and driving like a high performance car. That makes me get a real dad boner.

Yeah. But this guy. I get it. Can I tell you right now? Please. When I go into like a Michael's arts and crafts or any sort and there's glitter or like glittery sticker things or stuff to craft, I don't know what to do with any of it. I get so excited and I buy it and I don't know what to do or stickers like glitter stickers.

There's something fun about glitter. Yeah. Check out how excited this dad gets just about shooting a gun is like he's shooting on like a private range. Sure. Look how excited he gets. Man, this is cool. You can have all kinds of fun with a 22 because you're not going to hurt the gun and you're

not going to hurt your wallet. Nice. Nice. This thing is so much fun. You know this little Ruger Wrangler just might be what the doctor ordered. Doctor who? Doctor Pepper. Oh.

Oh. Miss. It did. From the hip to the top of the can. No blow up. Doctor Pepper is flat. It's the Doctor Pepper's fault. One of the cool things about cowboy guns and for some reason they just they make you want

to shoot from the hip. Yeah. You're missing it. So much fun. Simple pleasure. Pretty cool. Pretty cool. I love it.

That's a dad boner for sure. Yeah. That's so much fun. And I went I went to this charity thing at Luke Brown's house that you know the country singer and he had a shooting ranges as part of it was like a day of outdoor activities in my partner. She just picked up a rifle and there was like five of those like metal things to hit and she went and hit all five.

Damn. And it was a skill of hers. I didn't know she had. Wow. And where did she grow up? She grew up in Michigan. Did she shoot growing up? No.

She just picked up a shotgun and just the first time she picked up. Wow. She should start shooting shit. She should. And we should not get in fights. I don't know. Jesus. Wow.

Yeah. There's so many different types like of dad boner like look at this. Okay. Wow. Oh shit. It's a fire truck. We're not a fucking tiller. There's real excited about it.

Oh shit. My two year old reacts the same way. Oh my gosh. I mean that dude just felt that from seeing that truck. Yeah. In a way I'm kind of jealous of people that get to feel that emotion. Yeah. Seeing a fire truck.

I don't have that. No. Let's go. The bulldozer in action towing. I still don't even know what the hell this thing is. He's going to the ocean. Another crazy what the fuck is that piece of machinery out there. This dude's just excited about equipment.

He can't even identify. He's like that's a big metal thing on wheels. Nothing beats the trans-Canada highway though. No. It's an original class. It's a classic. You see anybody get so excited. Okay.

Okay. Well here we are. Whoa. This is the trans-Canada highway baby. And we are standing in beautiful sunny British Columbia. I need water marker. 7128. And this is where I believe with a 90 percent.

No make that 95 percent chance that this is in fact the very place where the trans-Canada paved its last section. A boat. Yeah. This is a boat. Where are the paved it? Oh yeah. Right here.

This is where the West Canada has an asphalt belt. And this is the buckle. Whoo. I want to see if I can't. I got to be careful here. But I am. This is a trans-Canada. He's riding on the road.

A highway. This would only be good if. He got. Here. The land. The land. Yeah. Whoo.

Oh I'm winded. Oh that's. Whoo. I wish we could see what it looks like. One more time down the middle. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Is he jerking off right now? It sounds like he's running and jerking off.

It did. It did. Which is what you should do if you're on the trans-Canada highway. If you're that excited. It's exceptional. Wow. Can you run and jerk off at the same time? It's tough.

Tom try it. I can do it. I can do it. Next tennis lesson. Yeah. That would be great. And you could be my coach. You could be like watch him.

Watch Tom. Watch him hit that back stroke and also jerk off on you guys. I get excited when I meet dogs in public. If I meet like a really cute dog. Yeah. I get really excited. Okay. I have a cute dog.

What do you have? What do you have? I have two dogs. One's a Pomeranian. Little white fluffy guy. And the other one's a mutt. She's like Terrier Chihuahua mix. Oh.

I love doggies. Yeah. Do you see a woman run over by a bull or an old guy jerk off? Oh God. This is a real Sophie's choice. Let's see the old guy. All right. Let's give people what they want.

I think so too. That's so cool that you chose that. All right. So we have, let's see, it's in, it's considered. Have you seen a guy jerk off in public ever? No. In front of you? I haven't.

It's terrible in public. Like I've stumbled upon it, like homeless guys, one time in a church. This is the new one. The guy was jerking off. I've seen like hands, like hands going up. Just wanting. Yeah. I want real bad too.

Sure. You know who that is? Oh no. Who is this? You ever see Elf? Yeah. The guy that played Santa Claus? That's him?

That's him. No. Yeah, they found a stream. You know what I love, Tom, by the way, is when you have to have a headset for your masturbation on the computer. It's really much better. Yeah. That's when you know you've had a real level in life.

Yeah. When you buy a masturbation headset. I'd love to be in your arms, laying either under you or on top of you or just standing there holding each other. I don't care. I can't see the bottom part yet. No. You don't have to walk back.

There you go. Oh no. I asked for this. Now I can see it. But now I have to move mine. Unsolicited, I should add. You just sat here and requested it. Oh no.

What's he doing now? No. I want to get you too. No. I think we each have a good mouthful and we can have some good fun. Who did he do this for? Mark. You're not hard on the eyes and I like your personality.

Let me put it this way. Is he talking to somebody? Mark. Especially now for me. I thought mine was going to be easier this time. You got black nails. I remember my grandmother whenever something like this happens. When I was growing up and I had plans and then they changed for no cause that I caused.

And I'd complain about it. What's he rubbing? My grandma used to tell me, well, son, she'd say, man proposes and God disposes. So don't worry about it. He's bringing up God and his man. And his grandma. Okay, grandma. I won't worry about it.

And he said, I always think of grandma in this kind of situation. Like when I'm a five minutes before coming, I always think about my grandma. He didn't know where the lens was. Yeah, they're there. But like I say, I'm built in such a way that they hang very far back. They don't, they don't, they don't hang down. Mark was asking you about it. Very close to the top.

They're not back. You know when it's hot. It doesn't matter how warm it gets. I can be sweating like a black man and they don't go down. What? But there was no metaphor, just like a black guy. Sweating like a, you know how blacks are always like pouring sweat? Yeah.

That's what he's saying. Okay. None of that makes sense. Yeah. He didn't use it like, like a black man digging a ditch. Right. He just said, you know, sweating like a black man. You ever heard that one, any?

I haven't heard that one. How many shook his head? Yeah, I haven't heard. I didn't know that black people were sweaty. It just happened. He said we're not. Yeah, you're not. I've never seen him sweat.

Yeah, I don't think that's a thing. Sweating like a goddamn Asian over here. I've heard like a horrid church. Yeah. Yeah. Think that itself. Even that, it's not just, you can't be like, I'm just sweating like a whore. Right.

A whore's got to be somewhere doing something. Doing something. Yeah. A mate or sweat. If I satisfy that nice mouth of yours. I know yours will be tasty and good. No. Is it, is there?

That's, that's my hole. That's where it spits. Well, I'll have to check that later, but I can't see Mike and already feel that warm mouth. God, it's been a long time. I'm trying. I'm trying to imagine. It's just the worst.

I have to feel your mouth. I didn't know it was going to be this long. Yeah. So long. No. Okay. God. I'm already.

Oh my God. I'm so uncomfortable. I know. Aren't you glad women don't do this shit? I'm so glad. What else? This is why I'm a lesbian. I know.

I think I'm gay now too. You should be. You should be. What else do you want to watch? I think of anything. You didn't, you didn't cross me over, Tom. Cross Christina. I know.

I think I'm going to go home with fortune. Probably. You should. All right. Now, fortune. Women, maybe women don't do this kind of shit, right? I don't think so. No.

No. That was a little, that was uncomfortable. Yeah. What part did you like the least? The last part. Yeah. The coming part. Because why?

It was a lot. It was a lot. It was too long. Too long. Like it was a bit dramatic. Yeah. I think he was really holding out for dramatic. Yeah.

It was flair. He was doing that for Mark. He was doing that for Mark. Yeah. He was like, look how. He's like, Mark's going to like this. Here. How hot I am.

Let's cleanse our palate. Yes, please. Oh, shit. Thank you. No. Ah. Ah. What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? It's so horrible. Look how concerned this guy is. It's coming up though. That's the part I like. Oh. That's okay.

Hey, man. You okay? Hey. Paralyzed? Where's the cigarette? Is he smoking? He's not concerned. He's just like, oh, wow.

No. Look what he checks on next here because he leaves. But look what he goes to check on like immediately when he comes back. He's like, I got to go to my lunch here in a second. He's like, oh, oh, the car. Oh, yeah. Fuck. It's a car.

I hope my car's all right. No. All right. We'll clean this mess up. Fuck. Man, this car is brand new. Yeah. They're going to leave us a bad yelp review.

Yeah. That's no good. Yeah. That's no good. Well, thanks for sharing, Tom. That was a treat. You know what I really hate about Ed Asner's masturbation video is I just don't like how he talks to Mark.

Yeah. It's too descriptive. It's too flowery. Yeah. Like in the original one, it's different. Right before you come, yeah. Oh, no. God.

I have no problem swallowing. No. I'd stop for a minute and I'd put a big hickey on your inner thigh there and just suck on that. No. Make it nice and red and let you remember me after I'm gone. Remember. Turn over and then I would play with your cheeks, maybe even massage your little hole.

No. Do you like all that talk? No. All right. I'll take it down. If your lady was like fortune, I'm going to give you a little hickey. I'm going to leave you with a love mark. I just want you to remember me.

Whatever it is I do tonight, I just want it to be memorable. That's it. I don't know. Spread your cheeks. All right. Let's go to the bowl. All right. Oh.

Why? What is this? Is this spade? Wow. He's just like, he's just chewing it out. Get at it. I hope she's okay. I don't think so.

She's screaming. I don't think so. I think she's not okay. She's not okay. What was it? Was this spade? I don't think so. I don't think so.

I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. Was this spade? What are there just bulls? It could be. I thought it was more like an Eastern European place.

Somewhere in the Ukraine. Gotcha. Maybe. Thanks, Tom. Good. You were going to play all those videos no matter what I chose. I see. I see.

You're catching on. Well, that was something. Now we're going to start playing some real fucked up stuff. Are you ready? Oh, God. You're so messed up in the head. Why? Oh, no.

You okay? Pumpkin spice. Pumpkin spice. Bros like it too. What was the tag? Get bit, bro. Get bit, bro. That's rad.

It's so good. I love it. It's good. We found, oh, the guy who smokes his own dandruff. Yeah. He's been, he's the dry dab king. And he's been like just smoking all kinds of crazy shit. Like last week, let me see if I can pull it.

Pull it. This is what we had last week. What was it called? Was it called something else last week? Because I don't see it in the folder. Remember what you call it last time? Try and search for dandruff. Hmm.

Dandruff. Dandruff. Hmm. Dandruff. Okay. You ever smoked your own dandruff? Never. Shocking.

This too. Oh. Oh, gosh. I'm worried for our country. Hot and dry. No. Yeah, that's not good. He just smokes it.

But it doesn't look like it affects him well. With a mason jar. I know. Take it easy. When you go, take it easy. That's real. Part plus right there. Yeah, so this is something else this week.

But it's going to be a dry dab. Check this out. Whoa. Hot, hot, hot. Dry, dry, dry. Is it mud? Looks like it. Oh.

Is it kaka? Is it poop? I thought it was shit for a second. Oh. So he'll smoke it. Oh. Oh. Do we know if it's poo for mud?

Do we know? Just bigger. I think it might be poo. It was mud. Take it easy guys. Take it easy. Hey, he thinks it's real. Take it easy.

So he just smokes everything. I think so. I mean, you guys are the one. I don't know how you found him. I think someone originally sent him in. Oh, man. Oh, man. Yeah, he's got a pretty neat profile.

He's got a neat profile. He looks like a neat guy. I can't. All right, let's do something real nice. I really can't. Before we get out of here. Please. Cleanse the palette.

We'll do a master of accents. That's fun, right? Sure, yeah. Accents. Try to decipher. Usually, if somebody has a strong accent, what they're saying. Yeah. And there's no one gets hurt in this.

Okay. Let's play. There's no masturbating. Let's see it, baby. Yeah, is there no jerking off or smoking dandruff or getting your legs crushed? I'm being that. Here we go. Jesus.

How you doing? How you getting off? That's some day. Good for nothing. Good for nothing. I'm getting off. I'm gonna make a tear now. It's gone.

It is. That's a rooster. I like that one. Yeah. Yeah. The dried up hair. The light. I like it.

I like it. I say that's some day. It's a lovely day. Excuse me. It's a good day. I'm gonna give a gobble so I won't take a bite. It's not gonna bite you. Crap.

Gibble gobble, son. Yeah. I mean, there's some English in there. Gibble gobble. Gibble gobble. It's Thanksgiving going on. Yeah. Because he actually was like, what'd you say?

Yeah. To the guy that speaks English. The guy was like, have a good day. What? The dried up hair. The light. I said that's some day. It's a lovely day.

It's a good day. Excuse me. It's a good day. I can't do that. I'm gonna give a gobble so I won't take a bite. I'm gonna give a gobble so I won't take a bite. It's a crap. It's a crap.

Crap. Crap. Crap. Yeah. It's a crap. See, no one got hurt there. No one got hurt. This is my palate.

Feel better? Yeah. All right. See. What do you think he's saying, Tom? I think he was like, oh, yeah. You gotta do the whole formula to get the answer to that. Oh, it's like quantum physics.

He was saying like, that's gross product. You gotta deduct your expenses to find that way. To get your net. Yeah. I think it was something like that. Spreadsheet talk. That makes sense. I think that's what he was saying.

Hmm. I got my boy white folks. We got a couple of clips of him. Sure. The white folks is a white dude in Memphis who, one might say, took a liking to a certain culture. Okay. And has blended in, so to speak.

See if you can, I tell you. Okay. Oh. Your life ain't telling no shit. Oh. Y'all, you on video. Hey, man, y'all know what's going on. Yeah.

Whole lot of white folks shit, man. You did. That's a lot of white. A lot of weed. It's a lot of weed. Yeah. Yeah. Y'all take a risk when I'm gonna see your bitch, man.

You did. Hey, man. Hey, y'all just spit the hole. It's them to check, man. Y'all come back with gags. Y'all come back with gags, man. You did. Because white folks bounce some gags.

Yeah. That dude looks just like me. I don't know what's going on. He has a bear on his shirt. But I feel like if they make a movie about white folks, I should definitely get one. You're gonna play him. Does he have a tattoo in between his eyes? Yeah.

It kind of does. It's like the Manson X. Yeah. Well, Manson didn't have an X there. No, he's started as an X, I believe. Yeah. Turned into another symbol. Oh, right.

Yeah. Kind of looks like an X, but it has other... Was that an X on Manson? What do you mean? Like what? A couple turns. A couple zigzigs. Yeah, a couple zigs and a couple zags.

Yeah. Added to the X. Well, I think originally it was an X. He and his followers had Xs on their foreheads. No. And then later he converted... Listen, I've read the Manson book in seventh grade. I promise you, it started as an X, and then he made it a swastika later.

See? Oh, okay. Come on. Who's a Manson enthusiast around here? Okay. Everyone knows that you know you're Charles Manson material. Helt your skelter, guys. She was a fan.

Seventh grade. Now, I have something absolutely revolting and disgusting that we have not played yet. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Okay. I can... I feel like we're at a crossroads right now. Well, let me just explain.

Sure. Boy. I wanted you to come here, have a good time, had fun. I feel like there's been already some really gross, awful things that have happened. Yeah. And we can just be like, you know what? That's it. That was a nice visit, though.

Right. I mean, we tried to like... You know, I tried to clean it up at the end here. Or... Or I can show you one of the most revolting things that I've ever seen in my life. Christina. Do you really even have a choice? It's like she's gonna say now.

I don't think we have it. You do. You do have a choice. You do have a choice. I really won't. Can we do some TikToks after this? Oh, yeah. Why don't we do TikToks instead?

And I'll save the grossest thing ever. For the latter? For the closer? No, just for some other time. Oh, boy. I'll do whatever Christina wants to do. Let's do the talk. I always want to do a talk.

But why don't we close with your gross shit so you feel seen and heard and validated? I'm okay with that. I'm okay with that. All right, let's do it. And heard. I heard you, bitches, was looking for me. No, you're on the talk, right? I am on the talk.

Yeah. Yeah. Are you a fan of it? Like, do you enjoy looking? Yeah. I like going through those videos. Yeah. Are you into reels yet on the ground?

I have not got into reels. I highly recommend it. The problem with reels is that I'm having trouble training my algorithm to get the good stuff. Right. Because it wants to show me regular shit stuff. You want the wacky, crazy stuff. Yeah.

And it's still giving me like funny dances and dogs. Let's put Tom search through there. I know, right? Here's some, by the way, all the talks you're about to see are curated entirely by yours over here. Yes. That's what I want. It's my skill.

That's what I want. Yeah. Okay. Lady to lady. It's a testament of faith. It would take a sanctuary of my deity to release me from these bonds. Please answer this cleric's call. Follow me to the Grammy Awards.

He's like the sword, yes. Yeah. Show me away from the elements. I hear you and I follow you. It's hard on this stumble. Because I was into it. I was like, oh, he's this guy. He's got it.

To me, there's just things like a guy who, if he's not doing this video, he's dressed up like Harry Potter. Yeah. You know, he's just like. Cosplaying. Yeah. He needs to, he needs to, he's got like speakers up there in the corner and the light switch up there.

He needed to clean up the background a little bit. Oh, that's why he got chosen for the feed. That's why he's perfect for the show. Now, I also don't like the stumble. I mean, and TikTok allows you the chance to re-record your video. So he should have X start over. Yeah. Do it again.

He's like, no, we got this one. It kind of bothers me because it is imperfect and like you want to put your best material out there. At least I do. I'm a perfectionist. He's sloppy. So. Sloppy guy.

Do you see how they're trying to use these women against us? Look, look, look. This is crazy. We take care of our girlfriends and wives like we take care of the women. You know, women got it made. Women got it made, buddy. This was a very cool guy. Thank you for pulling this.

He wears cool chains. Yeah. Yeah. We both do. Yeah. I know like five of these guys. I know. I was going to say, are you related to this guy somewhere?

It could be an uncle for sure. It's not here to know why I'm sharing this with my fans and everybody. Oh, fans. You know, it's pretty sad. I have never been on a date. No. I have never been in a relationship. What?

I have. Look at that diamond. Never had. But. What? Look at that. That's a blitz. But.

What? Huh? But I'm single. He's like, where am I? And put it at that. Put it at that. Whoa. I don't know where I am.

You know what? I'm at there. I don't know where I am right now. I'm going to have to replay this dude. Yeah. I'm not. I know. It took me a couple of plays.

Am I at a restaurant? Is this a booth? Or am I at home? Yeah. He just came to like in the middle of it. Right? It's so good. So.

This dude. I know all my fans out there to know a little something about me. His fans. I know. That's the best plan. And he went for it. He goes, nerve on day. And then.

Left. Came back. I think he farted and smelled it. It did seem like that. It's what I like like that. What? He just was on acid. Storytime.

Okay. He's a different guy here at Storytime. Yeah. I don't know why I'm sharing this with my fans and everybody. Yeah. You know what's pretty sad? What? I have never been on a date.

Okay. I have never been in a relationship. The list. I have never had. Fart. Smell. But. I know the same dating site again.

But. Um. Smell the fart. I'm just going to say that and put it at that. Put it at that. I'm going to put this out there and put it at that. And bye bye. Put it at that then, dude.

That was really cool. Hey, good talk. Good talk. Really good talk. Good talk. Do you think he was just too high to do the talk? He should not have done it. He had a plan.

He did have a plan. I'm glad he did it just like he did it. Yeah. It was perfect. Not one take. As a fan of his. Yes. I was into it.

As a loyal fan. As a fan. When Clay does this, I lose my mind. Play. Clay. People you all need to wake up. That's a bad angle. Hillary thinks you're stupid.

A lot of these other people think you are. That's why they're blaming Donald for everything they've done. Come on now. We had the best economy. Everything was going well. And it was a planned thing with the virus. But nobody was paying attention. The whole world planned it.

They all kept saying, oh, you're a conspiracy theorist. When the fact remains, they were planning on doing it. So you would hate him because the Russia didn't work. The impeachment didn't work. And you know what? Pelosi, bitch. The virus didn't work either. It kind of seems to be working.

Don't work now. And if you fall for what Dr. Fauci says, then you might as well have lived back during the Holocaust. Hollow. The Hollow. Fauci. He hasn't seen a patient in fucking long. The Hollow Cost.

The Hollow Cost. If you're falling for what the director of the National Health Institute is spewing out there. Our world is in on this plan to get Donald Trump out by crashing everyone's economy. They did it in these back channels where they eat and fuck kids. And they had a conversation about it. Oh, man. Like, here you go.

He doesn't like dentists either. I don't like his mouth. Oh, and by the way, you dumb motherfucker. Don't even get me started on the fact that you're using the word Indian and not native or first fucking nation. You sorry piece of shit. You're a goddamn fucking clout chaser piece of shit. Oh, I like the zooms he used.

The zooms were really good. Yeah, for special effects. Well, I've seen that too as a tutorial. If you want to keep the person's attention, you can zoom in. You can keep going closer. Yeah. Yeah. It's also he's got the little bit of the unexpected, like you wouldn't think that

he's one to defend native American people just by his presentation. But he's out there being like, you dumb fucking piece of shit. Yeah. Yeah. Defending. Defending. First nation people. Yeah.

All right. I always tried to be the fly's kid on the blog. The very popular one. Now I'm buying stocks. So that's when I had this crazy thought pot. I'm coming back on. That's Nick Carter. Yes.

Yeah, right, Nick? Nick or Aaron Carter? Aaron, Aaron Carter. That's Aaron Carter, you guys. That's the younger one. So this kid, was this the boy that was in some boy band? Like NSYNC? The older one, Nick, was the Backstreet Boy.

The Backstreet Boy. The Backstreet Boy. This is really, that's really him. That's not him. That's his brother. That's really his brother though? That's his brother. Oh, I thought you guys were like joking.

No, no. He got a bunch of face tattoos. Yeah. Okay. He used to sing back in the day. He was cute too. I mean, what's going on with him now? Well, that's the question.

That's the question. Is he living in the suburbs of Milwaukee or something? Where is this? It's a cameo. It's a talk. And why is it at cameo? So I think these, so cameo has a tech talk account. And they put.

Oh, I see. So this is, I think, just him smoking a little meth and putting out a rhyme. Gotcha, gotcha. But I thought it's crazy because I do remember this kid being pretty famous. Yeah, it was like a teeny bopper. Yeah, he was cute. And now he's doing this. You know what?

I don't think any of you fucking dipshits understand what it's like to be controlled by a fucking remote control. Whoa. Whoa. I don't even. And I'm the one it's happening to. I'm the one who built the fucking thing. Now, who's darker?

Tom or me? Like when you think about it in terms of what makes us giggle. I would say Tom. Because Tom doesn't like my sensibility. You're right. I'm not into guys getting their lights cut. You like dirtier stuff. And you probably still also have a dark sense of humor.

Well, yeah. Well, here's the thing. I like dirty stuff, which is like, you know, it is kind of more common. Like, hey, sex jokes, dirty jokes. I like that. Old guy masturbating. Somebody, somebody likes severely disturbed individuals. Is that you like to like this guy?

You're like, oh, let's check out his profile. Yeah, I like it. Yeah. Yeah. So wait, which is what's your vote? But what's your dirty stuff? You're dark. Yeah.

People need some mental health check-ins. Yeah. So who's who's who's more disturbing? Oh. I don't know. I like her. Oh, that's so awesome. Thank you.

You're welcome. I'm so proud. Yeah. It is with a very heavy heart. Please don't scroll. TikTok community, I need your help. I just found this. And that's his username.

It's. What is? That's the username and this, that very disturbing video that I did is still up with the original audio. I don't know how to get, I don't know how to remove this. What? Can I help? I'm so sorry.

So. You're not just silly. Sorry for my part in this. And I'm. I'm just sorry. I'm very, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Crazy uncle Vince.

This is the name. I like the half shirt. Yeah. I just noticed that. I think this boomer put up a video. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Crazy uncle Vince. This is the name. I like the half shirt. Yeah.

I just noticed that. I think this boomer put up a video that offended people and then like didn't realize that he could just delete it. Wait, what? What did he put up though? I don't know about that. You didn't look that up. Let's take him.

He's been taking a count. It was taken down or whatever and someone else like ripped it and put it up again. So other people were reposting. Oh, we don't know what that boomer did. Yeah. But it's pretty fun. So here's Angelica. My beach ball girlfriend, right?

Beach ball. Yesterday I was playing with her. And then I was playing with her in my room. My beach ball. Angelica wants me to hold her. Because he looks so happy. Touch her and love her. Actually, yes.

To her. My beach ball girlfriend. Okay. So this is her. My beach ball girlfriend. I bought her this. First I bought her this. The test.

No. For her. So this is for my beach ball. What did he do to his beach ball? Then I bought her this later on. A makeup brush. That's the red. I bought this for her.

It's really pretty. I love it. She loves it. So I did her makeup. Okay. Thank you. Thanks. Thanks for pulling that.

I like that one too. I mean, that's original. Not everybody's doing that. This guy's the best. Oh, man. This guy's the best. I'm so disturbed by the state of the world. What's on his head?

Oh, that's his hair. Is it melting? No. It's actually not. Good question. So this is Nate Verone on the TikTok and that is a tattooed pencil thin beard and he's got a tattoo on his head as well, which he reveals in another TikTok. Okay.

Okay. Yeah. Not like the tattoo on this, the tattooed beard at some point. How could you not? It's pretty awesome. And I think he likes it and he, all his videos are him kissing you very much. And he's hung up on his ex-girlfriend, Melissa, and he like puts tributes to her. Melissa needs to take out her restraining order.

Definitely. Just kissing. The air is a weird move. It is. Oh, no. What did she say? Did I win you back? Did I win you back?

You like that one. She said it. That was for Tom. That was for Tom. Terrified. Yeah. That was good. Oh man.

Did you like the terror? I love that she was scared. Yeah. It makes you hard right there. It makes me so happy to hear somebody that scared. Yeah. Just like when I hear somebody crazy. I love that it has to have a chute go down.

Yeah. You can't just like start from a standing position. That redeems how awful this batch has been. You like that? Awful. I thought it was hilarious. This is a horrible batch. You guys, I think the world is in a weird place.

It manifests in the talk. I see what's really going on. It's the pulse of the world. My pledge is to help people who need money and all this. He's going to help the people in Pakistan. Great. So this talk went viral on the talk. It's like some Pakistani graduation where this woman is trying to emcee something cool.

All the kids don't know what to say. It's like ridiculous. So I thought it was pretty funny. That was cute. They go hit the money with the people. Yeah. So rad. That's it.

That's it. That's just her thing. I don't know what happens. I just like it. Oh, I got to put it back. I just thought that was a fun little quick thing. Yeah. That was a good talk.

Good talk. I would want to hang out with her. Yeah. She looks like fun. Mama says it's okay to be a dirty girl. That's why I make mud pies. Didn't like that. That's disturbing.

Didn't like that at all. That's disturbing. No, thanks. Yeah. Cheers. Okay. All right. I like that one so much.

Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers.

Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. I like that one so much. Everything I make you laugh. Unfortunately, did we traumatize you today? A little bit, but that's all right.

This is honestly the most exciting thing that's happened to me in 2020. Yeah. Yeah, at least in the last six months. It was fun having you here. I'm glad you came. It was. It was fun being here. I love you.

I love you. I just am so happy to be around friends in comics. It's fun to hang with comics. Yeah, we've been hunkered down pretty hardcore. I've seen a couple of friends in the backyard here and there. Yeah. I feel normal for a minute. Even watching old dudes jerk off.

Yeah. Spend something. Yeah. Well, you're welcome back anytime. I appreciate it. Make sure you go to Netflix, watch Sweet and Salty if you haven't already. And then anywhere else you want to send people? I'm doing a virtual stand-up show, September 26th.

If people are into that with my buddy Chris Frangola from Crazy Chelsea Days, FortuneFamester.com if you want to see a virtual stand-up show. Great. Fantastic. The old Graham, Instagram too. That's FortuneFamester. The old Graham. Yep.

Check her out there. And Dabra. Thank you guys for watching. Thank you for listening. And we're going to go with that old classic to take you out. Any coming those balls? TPK. All right.

Thanks, guys. Thanks everybody. Speaking of cocks, I ain't feeling about this. Uncircumcised cocks, is that what you were talking about? Sure. Beautiful. These guys? They got to come in those balls.

You're in question. Who's coming in those balls? Yeah. Steve, let's go. Who's coming in those balls? Yeah, you like uncircumcised guys as I recall, right?