Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 571 - Marcus King - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: September 30, 2020

SPONSORS: - Get $5 off and ZERO delivery fees on your first order of $15 or more when you download the DoorDash app and enter the code MOM. - Get a 4-week trial PLUS free postage AND a digital scale by going to Stamps.com, clicking the microphone at the top of the homepage and typing in MOM - Go to Brooklinen.com and use code MOM for 10% off your first order. - Policygenius has saved their home and auto insurance customers an average of $1,127 a year! Go to Policygenius.com for more information. JEANS UP! Tom Segura and Christina P start off this episode of Your Mom's House by discussing the passing of Ruth Bader Ginsburg. This prompts a discussion about who the hottest presidential and vice presidential candidates are. They play an opening clip of a cool guy who has a friendly reminder for his friends, then watch the full news segment on antimaskers that they played a clip from last week. They also take a look at a cool girl who discovered a new "pocket" trick, a strong performer who got brown hole surgery, a tutorial on gluing hair to your fingernails, and the trailer for an Ed Asner short film "Get Ed Laid." Jean and Jean read listener feedback from YMH Live 2 as well as some follow-up emails regarding white people smells, and more! Eric Ekholm's YMH Data Analysis: https://www.ericekholm.com/blog/ymh-explore/ Marcus King is a singer, songwriter, and the frontman of The Marcus King Band. He joins Todd and Crystal to discuss tour bus brown proto, Aretha Franklin's sloppers, the music industry, performing growing up, how hard the Cool Guy riff is to play, and his recent album with Dan Auerbach. He watches Joe Biden's recent fart, a white kid with an Asian accent, a dude smoking a Carolina Reaper, Christina's TikTok curations, and more!

Oh snap, there's hot gear, merchmethod.com slash Tom Cigura. Check out all our new stuff. And we're back for Christine. I'm Tom, welcome to your mom's house podcast. This is where you get all the important news out there. You can turn off Fox, you can turn off CNN, you can turn off BBC. For especially BBC, we're so much smarter than them, Tom.

We know exactly what's going on in all the aspects of all the news. Coronavirus is down. It's gone. Almost, not yet. Are we at orange? I think we're at orange level risks. You can go back outside now.

Stock market, it's doing better. Make more money with your stocks. Toilet paper is back in abundance now, you can buy that more. Very true. The fires, they're still bad, but they're going, they're less of them now. And back to sports.

Vote. Vote for the Supreme Court Justice, and also NFL is going. Some of the teams are not as good this year. I listened to the, I watched the game with you and they make crowd noises even though there's no crowd. Yeah, that's not, okay. Or retarded.

Is it gay and retarded, maybe. I don't know, it might be. I didn't make the rules. What was the weather, Tom? Well, yeah, it's still hot, some parts of the country, then some places is already getting cooler. And that's it for the news. You know what, I think that Master Bayden Ginsburg

lady died, and they mentioned, no one talked about that she wasn't hot. You know what I mean? Like, she's smart, but she wasn't very hot. I never thought about that, you're totally right that that has been left out of the, yeah. I mean, she's very elderly, and so usually when they cover the elderly,

they don't discuss their hotness level. Well, I'm just thinking you're good. She's a lovely lady in her youth. You're gonna be in the spotlight, you should be hot. That's true. You know what I mean? I hope that whoever becomes the next Supreme Court justice, and I'm talking about whomever they choose.

I hope they are very, very attractive. So do I. Because that is. It's the most important thing in the world. I mean, we're gonna be seeing them on the news all the time. Don't show me some ugly fuck. That's what I'm saying. Show me someone hot.

And I will say to Trump's credit, you know, first of all, he doesn't get enough credit for all the good stuff he does. Like? Like, he picks hot ladies to work in his cabinet, right? His speaker is super hot. His speaker. She had a titty job, and when they did a package on her, remember, she was like, I had my breasts cut off,

and then they zoomed in to show us her new titties. Who, Kaylee? Mm-hmm, yeah, Kaylee. Yeah, she's super hot. So I'm saying like the next Supreme Court. She had implants? She, so President Trump was like, no hungry tits allowed. Yeah.

And no, what happened was is that Kaylee had, she got diagnosed for the, she carried the gene for breast cancer because her mother passed away, so she had her breasts voluntarily removed, and then she had big fakers put on. And then they did a package on her, and like she was crying, like she was like,

then I found out that I tested positive, and I had a breast job. And right as they said that, that she had a breast job, the camera was like meow, like so everybody could see. And myself included, I was like, well, let's see him, Kaylee. And it was so fortunate that we got to see it. Okay. But to my point, isn't so hard to be hot and smart.

That's a good point. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Well, it's a real, it's a real nice kind of like, a little side story you shared. Tom, much like, this is our news program, and I like to give my commentary. This is like, Christina's Corner, or whatever, Christina's Corner, I do think.

More, I'm the morally safer at the end of the show. Whomever should occupy the White House next, whether it's four more wonderful years, or whether there's a new regime, I think they should stack the house with hot people. There's some holes in this house. Is that so bad? Is it so hard?

Is it so hard to just be like, we got a hot secretary of state. We got a hot defense secretary. Thank you. You know what I mean? Like, is there, there's a hot labor secretary, hot secretary of education. Thank you.

Where every time in the news we're like, what's going on with these charter schools, and they're just like, I don't know, but I just, I fucking did so much Pilates, and you're like, that's pretty cool. Yeah, you don't want all these bow owls telling you what's up in the world. What's up with this defense budget,

and this guy's like, what's up with these fucking biceps, you know, and this flexes for you, and you're like, it's a nice body on that guy. That's what I'm saying. I want to be distracted by a good stuff. You said, or like the press secretary in a bikini, you know, walks out there, and she's like, That's what I'm saying.

That's what Trump would do. Oh, for sure he would. Look how fucking hot these chicks are that work for me now. That's who he hires, his hot chicks. He only works, no dogs allowed. Hey, President Trump, all right. They give him a little, uh.

Yep. Well, Kamala Harris is hot. I'm sorry, Kamala? Kamala? She's pretty. She's very pretty. Maybe she could do sports also. What if Trump's like last move,

like let's say he loses the election, he's like, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna jack my dick in the fucking Oval Office. I'm gonna leave a little something here for Biden. I bet he would, just out of spite. Yeah, fart and then shit and then. I think Pence is attractive. He's hot.

Let's look out, go ahead and look at Mike Pence, please. He's hotter than Trump. If you had to have a beauty contest. Okay. Okay, here's, let's rank the looks of all the candidates. Oh, he's definitely the hottest of the, well, I'd say Kamala is the hottest of them all. He looks like a shamed bottom.

Like he looks like, Pence looks like he's like, I don't want anybody to know that it feels good. I totally, totally, he looks so closeted. You know what he looks like? He looks. So good. He looks like I get my fiber in my diet.

He looks like the guy who does all the dick stuff, the Denver airport, like all of those dick videos. Yeah, it looks like somebody just came inside of him and he goes. I do like him. I mean, he's cute. Make daddy squirt. That's him.

Okay, but now, okay. You would require to make daddy come. Obviously Kamala is number one. Number two, hotness. She's definitely the, of the four, oh my God. There's no, yeah. Okay, so now it becomes who's gonna be third and fourth in the hot contest.

Is it gonna be Trumpy or Biden? Look, he's maintained, okay. Biden looks like he's been through the ringer next to Trump. Like Trump is so weird with the orange. That's the only thing. Yeah, and he's obese, but he's like, he's, no, but I'm saying he's 74. I mean, like, he's not like a falling apart.

Like if you look at him, you're like, you're fat, you're orange, it looks weird, your hair's weird, but you still are like, you know, Biden looks more like- Pick up Trump and Biden makes each other so we can compare side by side. I mean, if we're going just solely on hotness. That's what I'm saying.

Try to put aside your opinions of these two men and I want you to rank their hotness. Okay, hold on. I think if you go back a few years, Biden could make the case that he looks better, but not now. I think, can we look up a young Biden? I want to see what he looked like in his prime.

Cause Trump, he wasn't that bad. Like in the eighties, he was cute when he wasn't orange. Yeah. Okay, there he is. Oh, he's cute. Yeah, good looking guy. Wow. Handsome.

And then look up young Trumpy. Look at him there. Oh, he's cute. He aged well. Yeah. And then let's see young Trump. Aw, look at that baby face. Aw.

Just drowning and puss back in those days. I know. But the hair was still stupid back in the eighties. You see, he was doing the clouds thing. He always had dumb hair. Yeah, why? But he did that before he needed to, I'm assuming. I don't know.

I really don't know. Well, I'm going to vote for Biden for the hottest candidate. I'm going to go Biden Kamala for the hottest ticket. Yeah, I think if you're going to vote this year, vote based on who's hot. That's good advice. All right, let's play this opening clip.

Oh, we haven't even opened the show yet. We got all that news. We got all the news out of the way. Okay. And I like that that's our placeholder thing right here. All right, here we go. And a reminder, some of y'all have forgotten that if you are my friend, that means I want to fuck you.

I don't hang out with people I don't want to bang. I never have. This shit is big time. It's nice. Oh, it's randy. Very nice. Don't bring anyone loving to this. Yo mama in the fucking stand.

Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura, Tom Segura, and Christina Pajitz and Christina Pajitz. Welcome to your mom's house. Friendly reminder, if you did not get a chance to check out the YMH live two during the week period that it was on our virtual site, you can head on over to tomsegura.com

and hit the rentals page and you can check it out there. You can also check out episode one. They were both a lot of fun. The second one was pretty wild for us. So much work went into it. We mentioned it last week, but that was actually before we had done the show. Now it's in our rear view mirror.

It was a really, honestly, it was a huge undertaking for us and our team. And we had, you know, a sketches shot. We zoomed in people. We had our PC wrangled to be on the show. Obviously Diaz, Drew is here, insane clips. And yeah, we just appreciate everybody for watching and people have been continuously being like,

are there gonna be more, there gonna be more? Yes, there are. So for October, we're doing something a little different. We're doing a Tom and Bert double XL event that is gonna be at ymhvirtual.com and that's going to be October 15th, a Thursday, where I'm trying to get Bert to drink a half a gallon of vodka.

We're gonna see how many milligrams I can eat. Oh wow. And then we have a surprise yet to be announced, celebrity guest and maybe a dominatrix. Oh wow, that sounds like a jam packed app. To punish us. But ymh live will return in November and we're just picking a date for that

and we will also be doing one in December. Well, might I just point out the Herculean undertaking, undertaking, the task that really was putting together this live show. I don't think the listeners, the watchers, realized that we are essentially pioneering this medium of putting out these specials live and I just wanna shout out to the boys in the booth.

Thank you, Annie, Nadav, Josh, Zolo, Chris, Larson, Lindsay and Ashon who filled into helping us so much. Yeah, Chris, did I mention Chris too? I did. You did, Zolo got, he had, Zolo had, I think he had made love to a goat or something and he got sick for like a day. So he wasn't able to join us.

But thank you all. Religious ritual, I don't know what they do. Do you want, oh, for Rosh Hashan? I don't know, I wouldn't say that. Do you wanna hear some feedback from the live show? I would love to, yes. You know what's so funny is that we didn't want it to only be the, what's the section we're calling it now,

the intense section? The heavy section. The heavy section, you know, we did want a rounded show but you guys seem to really enjoy. It was, it's wild. The heavy section. Well, I will say that there is, there is the full spectrum of reactions.

Most people, most people fall into the category that heavy is heavy for them and they're like, wow. Well, let me read you. This is from Dan. He writes, Jesus fucking Christ. I watched the second edition of the live show and I was fine. I even laughed at the insane Apple lady. By the way, the Apple lady was a huge hit.

If you have not seen her, you better download and get your life. I was beginning to question myself, how is nothing grossing me out? Am I a cool guy in disguise? But then we hit the anal prolapse guys. I thought at first, oh, it's just some guy double fisting. Not too bad.

I've seen worse. And then it hit me. My jaw didn't leave the floor. I couldn't believe what I was witnessing. When the guy on the left with the deep purple prolapse gets it fondled and then moans in enjoyment, I literally heaved about six times. I didn't even know assholes to do that.

My eyes wider than a motherfucker. I thought it couldn't get any worse. And then they dock the prolapses. I am traumatized for life. I had a nightmare that same night about it. I can't stop thinking about it. I may need therapy. Absolutely, he finishes absolutely great fucking show.

Can't wait for number three. Well done, Jeans. Well, I'll tell you, yeah, Nadav told me that a doctor friend of his said that the guy with the deep purple prolapse could have died within an hour or two of that. Easily. Yeah, I'll tell you another thing that kind of shocked me.

So we were bombarded. Like when you put out a Netflix special, you know, your stories and your comments just explode. So that was Instagram. I was like that, that hashtag YMH Live. You can look up hashtag YMH Live and it's wild on Twitter. But I got so many, so many comments and tagged in so many things.

And the one thing that shocked me the most is there was a small faction of, I would say a handful, maybe six, maybe around there, women who were like, oh, you need to step up to these heavy, like I didn't think that was that bad at all. I'm like, what? So girl, let me tell you, women deal

with blood every month. My tour manager from Australia, Charney. I like Charney. Yeah, she was like, oh, I didn't think that was that. Yeah. I was like, what? Because women see nasty shit on the regs, bro. Yeah.

Birthing, periods. Okay. Well, this Liam Jeans. I just want you to know, I take it as a personal challenge. Oh, wow. These messages and I have, I'll tell you right now that I will break you.

I don't know if it's gonna be in November, December, but I have found things in just in the last week on my own that if they don't make you sick, you need to see a doctor. These are really bad. I looked up really, really bad stuff that made me really physically ill and questioned my own sanity.

Okay? I just wanna make that point that the fuck you if you don't think I can fuck with you. Okey-dokey. This is from Liam Jeans. I don't know if I'll ever get those heavy images out of my skull. The only other time I felt like this was when I was 11

and saw my dog get hit by a car, which is also something I've never quite gotten over. Oh my God. But they always finished like this. Anyway, thank you for the hours of laughs. I couldn't ask for a better place to call my mom's home. Yeah, and that's what we do is we unify people. We're bringing together in the darkest year

we've ever had and just trying to bring joy. He might as well replace Christina P's chair with a toilet, Tom. Clearly, she tried to put on a show chugging water amateur move by the second rate of water champ, which then led to her 20 potty breaks, typical Yorkie. Tom, I crown you the IP champion. Let the golden showers rain down upon you.

It is true that you're just always like, I got a pee, I got a pee. I think just, you know, my bladder's been wrecked over the years. Anyway, overwhelmingly positive responses from this live show. I couldn't be prouder of all of us here. My mom sounds really, really great stuff.

It was really awesome. And like I said, you know, the live show allows us to do like those sketches and set up, send someone to grab our PC and take them to it. Oh my gosh. That's not his place. Like people were like, wow, that place. Yeah, I know, we paid for it.

Yeah, guys. So, but that's all because of the live show. So thank you so much. Well, and also shout out to Nadav's friend who wrangled. Yeah, yeah, no, we did. Yeah, we paid for that too. Goodness gracious. Yeah, it's all, it's all an effort, you guys.

It's all an effort. To get these maniacs in front of a camera. And we got some, I'm telling you, we got some real cool stuff planned for the next one. I want to go back to this opening clip because the dude is legit. I like him. Friendly reminder.

Reminder. Friendly reminder. I've gotten that if you are my friend, that means I want to fuck you. I don't hang out with people I don't want to bang. I never have. He said that, like I've always done the right thing. You know?

That's the way he said that. You know, I treat people based on their character. I always have, you know? I'm not racist. That's the way he said that. I'm friends with people I want to fuck. I've always been like that. I don't mistreat people, okay?

I fuck people. Don't get butt hurt when I bring it up every six or seven months. I ain't gonna fucking bother you about it. But I might give you a friendly reminder every now and then. Like now. Doesn't he remind you, I hate that phrase butt hurt. I think, can I tell you what butt hurt is?

It's so dumb. It's such a dumb person phrase. Y'all got butt hurt and also hella. When people say hella makes you crazy. That's just shitting on Northern California. So what? I can hella do that. That's not nice.

Well, hella and butt hurt are too dumb fucking. I remember when I was working the San Jose Improv and I stopped at like a sandwich place and I go, is there, you know, I think I needed to buy like batteries or something. And I was, I go, can I get, is there a place about batteries? And she goes, she goes, get to go to the Best Buy. And I go, where is she?

She goes, hella close. And I go, what does that mean? She was like, it's hella close. It's like right, right over there. That was like 10 plus years ago and I was like. It's hella. Yeah. It's hella.

It's NorCal. It's hella San Francisco too. Yeah. Oh yeah. But doesn't this guy remind you of the I'll make you come guy? I'm taking, I'm talking about his attitude. I'm talking about his nose, his features,

something about his energy vibes or I'll make you come guy. I mean, and he's like, I want to fuck you guy. I'm your friend and it's only cause I want to fuck you. Geez. Every friendship I have, I go into it without any expectations, zero. And that's the only way to go into a friendship

is to have zero expectations. That way you don't wind up breaking your own heart. Oh boy, somebody's been hurt before. Yeah. This is like, man. Yeah. Who needs a friend, Tom? Will you be his friend?

Who needs a friend? He needs a dentist. He needs a barber. He needs a new hat. There's all kinds of shit he needs. Nice guy, wants to fuck you, that's all I can tell you. So what do you want? Yeah.

Oh, we got this from last week. So last week we only had the one thing that people couldn't believe. The news clip when the lady was like, George Floyd couldn't breathe and now I can't breathe. So that story, we have the full story. It's not an SNL parody. It's real.

Now hundreds have gathered here in front of the Washington County administration building, calling for the end of a mask mandate saying they are tired of not living their normal lives. Did she talk funny? No more masks, no more masks. Not on the backs of my kids,

are you gonna get more federal funds? That's how I feel about it. Uh-huh, more better. A passionate call for action Friday morning in St. George, several police officers on standby as many locals called concerns about coronavirus spikes overblown. The flu kills more than coronavirus.

He knows that on his own. No one fed him that. A lot of times he's just like, he's up and he's, you know, he's walking around the house. He's like, Mom, Dad, the flu kills more than the coronavirus. Or he's like, the Jews control all the... Yep.

That's how kids learn. Right in the dump, yeah, teach them young. What, it's true. Historically, they controlled the bay. Okay, next clip. I was calling the virus a hoax or stating that asymptomatic carriers simply do not exist. They cannot be forced to wear masks anywhere

as citizens of the United States. This is unknowable. If we want to wear a mask, that's fine. We can take care of ourselves. Some rally attendees say they shouldn't ever wear masks if they have any medical issues or mental health concerns, or if they feel they simply can't breathe.

When George Floyd was saying, I can't breathe, and then he died, and now we're wearing a mask, and we say, I can't breathe, but we're being forced to wear it anyway. And I, I'm in front of it, but anyways. Excellent. What does she sound like? Excellent.

In that, I went to Whole Foods, and they were out of my vegan chicken salad. It is now. It's very much. It's the same voice. It's Upspeak. Yeah. I thought, I was like...

Yeah, it's your sister's voice. How come there's nothing gluten-free here? I was like, nah. And then like, how come you did it to George Floyd, you did it to me? Why? Why come, why come I don't wear a mask? That's the type of voice that says all lives matter.

Like. How is this a real fucking thing? This is a joke, right? What? What? I'd swear, this is a joke, right? No. They blocked off the front entrance to the school building,

and we went out to ask them to move, and they attempted to storm the school building. They must fill out a form, including a doctor's note. So the district can review it. And St. George, Katie Crowellists, ABC Four News. Oh boy. So that's one thing, I didn't even know that, by the way, that most child molesters love them.

A child molester loves a mask? Did they take a poll? Why do they love the mask? Did they do a study? Well, because they can hide their identity, I'm sure. They can, you can skulk around and just rape kids, and no one's gonna be like, who's that guy? I don't know, he's masked.

It doesn't matter. Get away with the crime. You know what is fun to imagine? Like a year from now, when they're like, oh, we have the virus under control, but you want to wear a mask in a bank. Because right now, you're allowed to, but they change their rules for that.

And then there's gonna be people like, take your mask off in the bank. Oh my God. Oh, right. It's gonna be such a no. I don't feel safe. And they're like, you're freaking everybody out here. Yeah.

I'm gonna be like, no. This is why America is. The virus is back, and they're like, we think you're a bank robber, and then you'll be like, I am. Didn't you have a really good idea for these kinds of people? You had a great idea on what you were driving in.

Well, because here's what, you've been watching Away on Netflix. Such a great show, if you guys haven't seen it. And here's the thing that I think we're fucking up on in the United States, specifically, is that we keep sending our brightest and our best into outer space. That's dumb.

We should send our stupidest people into outer space. Agreed. And what you do is, you just make the interface easier to navigate. So that's where all the work is done. And then you put a real dumb-dumb. You put, I thought it was a flood. You put her in there, and then you just go,

okay, you're out, press the green button. And then all the data transfers, and then they're like, oh, there's an engine malfunction. Press the blue button, and then the blue button runs it. And then when all the research is done, and they're like, okay, she's halfway to Mars, but we don't think this trip's gonna go, then they go, press the white button.

And the white button just catapults them out into space, and then they're like, we're done with her. And then we just bring it back. And then we've navigated that route to Mars now. Now we know all, we got all the data, all the research is done, and then you have one less dumb-dumb on Earth. Hey.

You know? I like that. And then we just have like this colony of floating dead dumb people. All floating around. Don't they disintegrate eventually in space, or maybe not? I don't think so.

No, there's not like any atmospheric, you know, elements. There's nothing that can compose you in space. No, you just have a dead look. Now if you, I think if you were to like, what is it like, is if you open the portal, maybe like the air, the compression, right? Like with the head compressed?

Yeah, I think you'd explode. Your head would probably explode like a grape, and then you'd be shot out 32,000 miles per hour. That'd be fun. That's how fast a vessel travels. Now, I learned that from that show. Because they used to send the cosmonauts, the Russians would send monkeys into space.

And I'm saying, why hurt the monkeys? Vacuum of space will pull the air from your body. Oh, this is pretty cool. So if there's air in your lungs, they will rupture. Yeah, the vacuum of space will pull the air from your body. So, okay, so you'll balloon up to twice your normal size, but you won't explode. I wonder why.

I wonder why you won't actually explode. I don't know. If there's air, if there's air in your lungs, your lungs will rupture. Oxygen, the rest of your body will also expand. The balloon up to twice your normal size, but you won't explode. I mean, how do they know that?

Are we testing people doing that all the time? Well, maybe we should test it. Is that an experiment we could fund? Well, you think it'd be the best, though, just to like, who are the astronauts? And you have all these like... Like a bunch of birds sitting on the tarmac, and they're like, let's be so fucking fun up there.

And then they're like, Houston, Apollo, 14. He's like, fucking so beautiful up here, man. See the moon and shit? So many fucking stars. They're way closer. And they're like, yeah, you're up in space. It's fucking awesome. How do we entice these idiots?

Do you want me to take a picture? A picture? Take some pictures with the camera, you guys. No, we got that handled. Get a photographer. Now, how do we entice these dum-dums to get up there, though? Just be like, it's cool trip, free trip.

Everyone loves free trip. It's free, yeah, it's gotta be free stuff. And like, when you get back, you get to go to Vegas. That's it, you just say, you get back, we send you to Vegas, I don't fucking go. Then you have to give them those long tube drinks that they walk around on the strip with, you know, those long tubes of sugar drinks.

But it hangs off the necklace. So you don't have to hold your drink the whole time. It just hangs off my neck. This way I can get so fucked up, walking down the strip. It's 115. Oh, no, wait, that's how we position this. It's a space party cruise. There you go.

There it is, you just get a bunch of those on the spaceship. Dude, I'm so ripped right now. Yeah, they can get faded the whole way to space, bro. Look at you, I'm telling you, we should be sending bodies into space. Every idiot that buys one of these, you get an automatic trip to Mars. Yeah, and they're like, so fucking cool.

And then what would happen was, we would never make it to Mars or set up life there, but we would end up reducing our population by like a billion after a while. Yeah, and then the Earth would replenish its resources. That's right. And we wouldn't need to recreate life on Mars. Yeah, you'd lose that gene pool, basically.

Like, it'd keep going away, going away, going away. Dude, this is a great idea. Yeah, thought about it on the drive-in today. It's really smart. Well, the whole point is that we're trying to bring life to Mars so that we can colonize Mars. But what you're saying is, simply get rid of all the dum-dums

that are giving us the most problems, and then Earth can repopulate with nothing but the best genetics, and we can repair all the damage we've done to the climate stuff. That is correct. So growing up, I hated my body because I was fat. I never realized, like, oh my gosh, you're so fat.

But being an adult, I've learned some cool things about my body, and I'm gonna show you. So some of you might know what the term a fupa is, and it's a fat, upper, Passat area. Well, I have a new name for it, okay. So I wanna change the terminology of a fupa from a fat, upper, Passat area

to a fat, upper, pocket area. And I'm gonna show you, because I can keep things in that bitch. Like I'm a fucking kangaroo or some shit. Watch this. Now, let's say I'm going to the store, and I'm like, okay, I need my phone and my mask. It's a pocket.

I can even use it as a purse. Like, let's say I have to go to the grocery store. I'm like, I need my money, my sanitizer. So look, I got it. Get a bucket and a mop. That's a wet ass pocket. Boarding the flight to Mars now. We're gonna need another shirt.

Four more shirts, man. Yep. You know, I am so sick and tired of everybody getting to feel good about themselves all the time. This new body positivity. Everybody gets to like themselves. It is so far gone. It's not okay to be this big.

It's just not okay. That's sweet, okay. I'm gonna go with it, and I'm gonna go with any sane, rational person listening to me would agree. You think so, huh? I absolutely think so. It's lunacy.

Well, I hear you. Can't just give up. Here, do you have that video last week of the guy getting kicked in the face? Yeah. This is a feedback. Hi, mommy, Tina, and water personality and Valor Champ Tom.

Oh, wow. And, oh, do you wanna play the video first to set this up? This happened last week. Oh! That's good. In regards to the kick to the face video, as a coach of combat sports,

I have gone through the scenarios of possibly holding pads like that and being kicked in the face. But because I follow Proto and know what I'm doing, it's never happened. If you watch the video again, as the guy goes to kick a second before the kick, his thrown,

kick has thrown the pad holder lowers slightly. It does. And that's what leads him to getting kicked in the face. He didn't follow Proto and keep it high and tight. And now he's got no front teeth, like the man who uses a lung infection as an instrument, and now that's where it spits.

Keep making us laugh every week. Don't be stingy. Thanks, Jimmy. He's quite notable, actually. I mean, you can see he lowers the pads and he kind of dips his hips a little bit back too. Yeah, because he's estimating that maybe the guy can keep it lower.

No, no, it's like a fear response. He just went like this. Right. But when he did this, he lowered the pad. So instead of the foot kicking the pad, kicks him right in the face. Yeah. That's pretty cool, man.

Speaking, by the way, we talked a lot about buttholes and anal and whatnot. Fuck with my ass, man. We got a pretty cool video here that I'm very excited about. I can't wait to send these idiots to Mars. The key is to have... It's a really good idea.

Stupid bad music and then drinks. They gotta be drunk the whole time. Yeah. Okay, oh yeah, here it is. It's like eight months to get to Mars, too. It's a long time. Long booze cruise. Yeah.

Hello. I am just kind of moving around a little bit today. I've been laying down for like the last two days. My butt is like super sore. I got a spink direct to me, which is... So you have the outer muscle, which is like your butt hole. And then you have the inner muscle. They cut that muscle because it was really tight.

So it's having a lot of discomfort when I was doing like anal and stuff. I would always like have issues with like tearing and stuff. So they cut my inner muscle to kind of relieve the tightness. So hopefully that works, but yeah. So just wanted to give you guys a little rundown of what happened to me. But the good news is that I should be recovered completely

within like the next month. I can't do like any, obviously, any butt stuff till then. But the good news is that I will be doing a lot more butt stuff after everything is healed. Congrats. Good news. This is just such a wonderful video. I don't know how this landed in your lap.

But I mean, just talking about somebody who's so dedicated to the cause. And yeah, congratulations. Congrats. Jenna Marie. Good for her. And I want her to keep going back. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Ariana Marie. Thank you very much. Ariana Marie. My favorite with Ariana is she really knows a lot about the operation. She's like, well, there is the outer muscle. Oh, the butthole.

Which is called your butthole. Yeah. Yeah. Is that what the surgeon told her? Here's your butthole. Here's your butthole. I'm going to make your butthole less tight. Yeah.

I got a sphincterectomy. A sphincterectomy meaning removal. My butt is like super sore. I wonder, though, if a repercussion of a sphincterectomy is that the brown no longer is contained. I'll tell you one thing I wouldn't do is just loosen the muscles in the butthole. I think your body was telling you, just

don't do so much butthole stuff. No. Don't be a quitter, Tom. Work that other hole you got. Just use that all the time. What's the problem with that hole? You're thinking like a quitter. She's thinking like a winner.

I mean, she's like, I just want you guys to know, I will be back very soon. I mean, just letting the fans know, like, do not think that I'm stopping. Nor should you. Just because your body constantly rejects what you're doing. Can you pull up like her work over here? Oh.

Let's see what, you know, is that what she's known for? I'm guessing so, if she had to get a sphincterectomy. Hold on one second here. OK. Maybe go to like one of the sites, you know, one of the adult sites. That should cat or butthole take an open. That's her wild, cat or butthole.

That's her only thing. Why don't you go to like Pornhub or something? Yeah, we want to see the work. Show them, just show us. Yeah. Let's see her craft in action. There we go. There we go.

Ariana Marie. And oh, she's on her. Is it all anal stuff? Is that what she's? No, it looks like there's some normal stuff. Yeah. Too bad. OK.

Oh, that guy's asleep. And all of a sudden she woke him up. He's like, hey, I was just taking a nap. And that's her right there? OK. See, why don't you just keep doing these? You don't have to surgery your butthole. I know.

She's given the guy a bead right now. We're just pretty vanilla. Boring. Oh, you're disappointed. Well, there you go. See? Massacre that ass. Yeah, that's her vag, no?

I know, but. Or is that her butt? I can't tell. I can't tell either, but. I don't know the way she's sitting. No, that's her vag. Now he's going to go in the butt. Think.

I can't really tell. Well, that's the thing. I'll tell you what. I'll do some research later and let you know. If it's not exclusively your bread and butter, like, why get this? I don't know, man. She must really.

Maybe she saw like a direct data relation to that. By the way, we got to talk about that. The data that the guy did. That's her butthole. That's her butthole. Yeah. Yeah. Ouch.

I could do a scene with her. That's a big greasy dong going into that view. I can see why it loosens things up. Yeah, she's like, my butthole keeps being sore. Yeah. That would make my butthole sore. Wow, people just get to see this for free. Pull up that thing I sent you.

Why bother with the only fans when people can just see that kind of thing? Because you get more exclusive. No, really. And you know what they're doing now? They're putting their good stuff only on their only fans. Oh, what's the good stuff? Like, they're shooting their scenes for that.

So you're getting it like, if you want, if you are following a performer, you get that immediately. And it might not even make it to those sites anymore. Oh, that's kind of neat. Everybody is taking control of their content. As they should. Musicians, comedians, adult stars.

Especially these sex girls, these sex worker girls, they should 100% have their own money and make their own money. If you're doing this stuff, you should make the lion's share. Absolutely. She's the one getting a but act to me or whatever. Yeah. Hello, it's a sphincter act to me. A sphincter act to me.

She should absolutely profit off of it. She's a good looking girl. She's doing good work. I got to talk about this for a second. Sure, go ahead. So I saw this on Twitter the other day. Do you remember the guy's name? Can you find it from the tweet?

I think it's Eric something, right? Yeah, Eric Holm. Oh, my God. So he goes, he put up this post. What's going on? I've been a big fan of your mom's house for a long time. So I figured why not combine my two favorite things, which is like analyze transcripts, text analysis, and YMH.

So he pulled transcripts from the YouTube episodes and then ran it through whatever program to get some data on it, right? Yeah. And so if you scroll down here, he went through 169 episodes, beginning with episode 394, ending with 567. And then so then scroll further down. Here's the length of episodes.

So it gives you the, so you're like, oh, OK, figured out like that's how long the episodes are. Great, that's interesting. Then it looks like he put up the number of guests that people have been multiple guest appearances. Then most common words, and this is where it starts to get like, it's just silly and fun for no reason, you know? But like, I like to, so the most used words,

and then here's the count. People guy, fucking is the third most popular word used on here all the way down. Look at that, shit, love, feel, fuck, day, God, stuff. So he's like, there's a lot we can unpack here. Yeah, and then he goes, look how many times the word fucking appears per episode. So if you scroll down further from here,

fuckings per minute, look at all those, look at episode 494 with Joey Diaz has the most fuckings per minute and per episode. I mean, by a mile, way, way, way more. In that episode, the highest rate of fuckings per minute, 1.76 per minute. Wow. Basically a whole extra fucking per minute there.

Then he breaks down, it's just an, what is the URL so someone can look at it if they wanna see it? That's amazing. It is Eric, oh, Eric Ekholm. So E-R-I-C-E-K-H-O-L-M dot com slash blog slash Y-M-H dash explore. I'll put a link in the description.

Put the link in the description, yeah, I'm sure you misspelled that. Now I want to look at the evolution of some of the more popular mommy-isms over time. I know. Names and vocabulary. It's a fun read, I just thought it was like an incredible amount of time to put into something

that is not needed, but very funny and very dedicated. So thank you so much, Eric, for that. Wow, I gotta tell you, you guys, just the dedication of the mommies, really our show is so special in that regard. Oh yeah. Our listeners are the best. It's a super fan, look at this,

she's sending this right here. That's right. Why is it so funny? I don't know, I saw this and I sent it in. It's so silly. Oh my gosh, that's terrible. That can't feel good at all. God, I just feel like she's such a rag doll.

You could just do anything to her, you know? Yeah. That's not what I was thinking. She's just a spender and a half, fuck it, ah, yeah. I wasn't thinking that. I was just thinking she's pretty stretchy, pretty good. Yeah, that's what I was thinking too. Oh no, lidocaine, oh dear.

Yeah, it sounded like man's hurting my face right here. Oh. Yeah. Something bad's gonna happen. He's ramping up. That's numbing his face. Uh-huh, oh my. For the satellites.

That's what he said, the satellite, yeah. They're hurting his face, so he's gonna numb it. Okay, so the frequencies can't affect him. Now you're thinking, now you're starting to get it. But send him to Mars, it's even better. Yeah. In Mars. Yeah, yep, yep, yep.

Check this out, you jive motherfuckers. Real talk, because y'all ain't got on my motherfucking land's nerve. You bitches out here talking about some, you got an only fan page, that, I'm letting you know what only fan page is for. It's not for niggas who lay there and spend their fucking money with your funk ass

to be showing your feet. Oh. It's not for niggas be spending their fucking money for your funk ass to be eating some hot dogs. Bitch is not for that. Bitch, only fan page, we gonna see pussy. That's true. We gonna see it come.

Yeah. We wanna see it, and we do not. I swear to God, y'all better stop, or bitch y'all gonna get banded off that shit because y'all jacking us. The niggas who gonna log in on you and support y'all, we wanna see that bitch do what it do. And we tired of logging in on you

and you just showing your ass. Bitch, you see that on Instagram. Right. Bitch, straight up, and y'all finna stop it today. Yeah. And that's real shit, bitch. Okay, that's what is real shit.

That's the truth right there. But that's what I'm saying with the porn hub. You know, you can see her clip there and what's the bonus is what he's saying. Why am I gonna spend the money if I'm not gonna see? You know what bummed me out on that scene? Your bitch, come. That clip we watched?

Yeah. Her complete lack of any emotion while getting like pounded in the ass. You know what I mean? Like she was just like, are we rolling? Like that? It was kind of like Leo and Mark.

I want more performance. I do too. You're getting a big D in your B-hole. You better ramp it up a little. Give me a little emotion. Sell me on something. Yeah, I agree. And I'm not saying that Miss Marie is not capable.

I'm just saying in the few moments that we watched, she was like, is it in? Not into it. Well, maybe she was trying to, maybe she was in pain. You know, you're thinking like. Oh, for her super tight sphincter, I forgot. This guy though.

Oops. Hold on guys. Having a little malfunction. I just twist this one, right? I don't know why I've failed. Failed. Oh, this want me. Yeah.

Yeah, is it good? Is it tilting down or anything? No, I think we're good, Jean. All right, cool. I have a follow-up email. Member when Kevin Nealon came in and he told that horrible story about the cast member wearing the mask.

Yeah, Jeff Daniels. And they got stuck into it. Oh, Jeff Daniels. Aw. I'm a specialist hair and makeup artist from Melbourne. It's pronounced Melbourne. Those of you who are in the now, I'm Australia.

I'm writing in regard to your recent podcast. Okay. To create a life cast safely, you are supposed to prime the skin and hairs with Vaseline. Then use a couple of layers of skin safe slash self-releasing silicone or dental grade alginate. Then create a hard shelf reinforcement of the mold

using plaster bandages, which hardens before removal. Of course, leaving the nostrils clear at all times. Plaster slash concrete heats up. Let's skip this one. Oh. I thought it was interesting that there's a whole process, like you, you know, okay.

I thought it was interesting that you should put a layer, essentially a protective stuff before you even put plaster on the, you could rip out someone's eyelashes. Yeah, they almost did. Yeah, which is strange that that person didn't even do that. Yeah, let's talk about blacks.

Sure. Oh, that's funny. I don't like that. The follow up about black, what people smell like. Yeah. Hi, Jeans. I was listening to the latest podcast talking about how white people smell like wet dogs.

I feel like this is more than likely true, but home, but home aren't able to smell it ourselves. I think you're saying like when you're a white person, you often can't. But we aren't able to smell it ourselves, maybe? Right, like when you're a white person, you have a hard time smelling your own self. Right, that is what she's saying, but this is but home.

But home. However, I spent a lot of time on public transportation. I can guarantee multiple people will agree that black people have a certain smell too. Ooh, this feels like it's going in a nice direction. Oh, no. The smell is crayons. Oh, black people or white people?

I think what she's implying is black people. Black, okay, interesting. I don't smell that. It is not a bad smell, but when you realize what it is, you can never not think of a fresh box of crayons when you smell it. I have had multiple people agree with this assessment. Keep it high and tight.

Eli. So so far, that's one vote for black people smelling like crayons. Yeah, and then also that was a real misdirected. I thought we were going down a keep our Confederate monuments path, so that's, that was nice. You know, I will say I had a Volkswagen Jetta and it smelled like crayons, remember?

That's true, but wasn't it from crayons? Wasn't it, weren't there crayons in the trunk at one point? And they melted. That's right. Yeah, there was no black people in the trunk. There were no black people. That's right. Yeah.

Good, sorry. Good thought, Tom. I have, I did give a few black people rides in that part. You did. Let's be clear, but you're saying it's not a direct correlation. Okay, watching episode 569,

when the talk of race smells up on the pot, I'm glad this is brought up. I mixed mutt myself, who has an all white family and a few black relatives to answer both questions. White people absolutely have a specific wet smell, but not specifically like a dog. It likens more of a wet towel. The same goes for black people in other races as well,

Indians, Hispanics, Asians, except black people, especially darker skinned smell like shay or cocoa butter since the product is a must for our ashy body. So hope this helps. Keep feathering it. Falcon car wash. Cam. All right.

So Cam is suggesting that all races except black people smell like wet towel. I heard an explanation about wet white people smelling like shit is that it's because a wet white person, a lot of times you might be encountering them in the summer months, like people would, and that we have tons of sunblock on, which gives off a certain smell.

That's a good theory. If you're covered in sunblock, there's chemicals, you're sweating, you're wet, there's a smell that's gonna come from you because we don't have enough melanin to protect us. It's a good theory. From the sun. You know what?

There should be a scientific study done on this exact subject. I don't know why there hasn't been more research done. I know. Hey Chalmos, I had to chime in about the race smells. It is something that my sister and I have talked about our whole lives. Oh, wow.

We are both Hispanics, so I can't distinguish our smell, but white people definitely have a distinct smell. I've always thought they smell like wet coins, specifically wet pennies, and black people have a sweet sweat scent. Don't be stingy. I'm curious to hear if other people think the same. Stay high and tight, Hitler.

Kim, Jesus Christ. Okay. Wet coins. I mean, look, I will say some white people are very smelly because they don't shower enough. And I think that might be the wet dog smell. Tippies. I have family members who don't shower on the works.

Doesn't that just smell like wet shit though? Like wouldn't you just be like, hey, you smell like shit? Cause you're not showering. It smells moldy and wet dog smells moldy. I've smelled all different races who don't shower, and they all smell the same. Like shit.

When they don't shower, they just smell awful. Yeah. Well, now this is true. When I was in Hungary in the summer of 94, I took public transportation a lot, the Vilomosh, and it was the middle of summer, and Hungarians, they did not wear deodorant a lot, and it just smelled like armpits.

So I don't know. Right. Armpits. But that's just not showering. That's not their race. That's just being dirty. Good point, Tom. Most public transportation smells just like armpits.

I've been in public transportation in big cities, and yeah. Yeah. Armpit. Yeah, I have one that's pretty racist. When I worked at this realtor place in Boston, there was a lot of foreigners that would come in, and when they would leave,

we would just have to aerosol the whole office. Oh, you're kidding. Yeah. Yeah. I bet I can guess what kind. The whole country they came from. Correct. So, oh yeah.

One last one. Should we read the last one? That's interesting, though. My stepdad never smelled, though. No? I think you're talking about that country. No, no, no. I'm not.

Yo, mommies. I'm a black guy from Jersey. I wanna shed some light on the wet white people smelling like dog phenomena. I have dated, slept with, and befriended a few whites over the years, and my theory is the dog smell is a combination of two factors, dry skin and sweat.

The solution is simple. Shower and use in all caps a fucking washcloth. Oh, no. Very few whites use washcloths. Well, don't use them. That's very true. Sweating over a dead, dry skin repeatedly causes strange odors.

Showering with a washcloth and moisturizing the skin will knock it right out. Not all white folk smell like damp canines, but the ones who properly cleanse in moisture regularly definitely don't have that scent. Most white people I've encountered in the Tri-State area do not smell of a wet dog anymore. And Tom is right.

Black people usually smell of cocoa butter and whatever African oil or cream they put in their hair. P.S., I guess, luffas are fine too. Sue you, Zen from Jersey City. So there you go. Yeah, I mean, look, you and I are vehemently opposed to the use of a washcloth. Well, yeah, we're not poor.

Yeah. But I still think that most of, I have some. I don't like a wash, here's why I don't like it. I was always raised to just touch my own body part with my hand. I don't need a barrier. I'm not ashamed of touching my body part. I'd never encountered a washcloth

until I was like in college and it was crackers. It was like country boys and they were like, I got, you know, because we had the freshman hall, you'd go like in, there was like a freshman, whatever, like a tower of showers and all like the country boys had washcloths. What are you doing? What's the point though?

I'm not sure I understand. You don't shower with a washcloth? I don't. I was like, no, I don't. I think they're actually less sanitary because what happens after the washcloth is used, you just put it in a pile on the tub and then it gets cold and damp and then re-use it again.

But somebody's gonna realize what someone's gonna say to you for that. You think fresh one is, you think, oh stop, who's got that fucking time to do a laundry? I just don't understand the utility of a washcloth when I've got these hands that can do the same job. You can just put soap in your hand. And clean your own asshole, it's your asshole.

Am I missing something here guys? Are we using washcloths? Tell me the logic. Annie, are you a washclother? I use a luffa because it scrapes off the dead skin. Luffa is nice though. That I have tried. That's right because I think you bought a luffa.

I like luffas, it's very European. But you know what, I gotta be honest, like it's really gotta be standing out for me to grab it. Like I would say like nine out of 10 times, I don't grab a luffa. I don't grab, I don't grab a luffa either. You bought the luffa. Again, but they get moldy too in the shower.

Over time you have to keep re-upping the luffa. Buy a new one. Oh my gosh. Jesus Christ. I know, I know. What about you? You wouldn't use a luffa? I mean, I think I've used one before,

but yeah, it just kind of, I don't know, like it just kind of like irritates my skin. Yeah, I don't like scraping my skin, it kind of hurts. We have hot water and then you have like red marks all over you for like scrubbing and stuff and I don't. All right, check it out. There's new hoodies available. There's a new jean hoodie, a new YMH hoodie.

And if you're a two bears fan, there's a new thick boys hoodie. They're all at merchmethod.com slash Tom Segura. Head over there now. Hoodie season is my absolute favorite and it is here. So get yourself a new hoodie. Let's see, there's, is there another clip I'm supposed to play before we break here? I don't remember.

Um, there's this guy. Oh yeah, this is the one to show you this because you could do this. You could do this and I think. I'm afraid. No, no, don't be afraid. I think it's pretty cool and I think you could. Okay.

It's very attractive. That is cool. Dude, that's so dope, right? That looks great. Oh wow. Yeah, it's like you make the nail real nice, beautiful. And then. Oh, that's for brunette nail.

Right, but then you grow hair out of your nails. So if you're listening right now, this person is putting like studs, diamond studs and hair from their fingernails. So you have nice long hair hanging from your fingernails. I mean, it looks cool and it's practical and like nothing bad will get on your nail hairs. Well, the only question I have is, how do you eat a juicy taco?

Cause all the juices come out. You just go like this. And you grab it like that and you go. I have to eat it with my palms if I get hair. Yeah. It's tricky. Hey, you got some guac in your hair and you're like my finger hairs or my head hair.

That would be a little challenging as they say. Yeah. Or like wiping my kids ass. Yeah. That's not really good. That's the only thing I'm opposed to is like. Wiping your, this is not good for a new mother. I don't think that a new mother should get finger hairs.

I'm gonna do finger hairs though. It is beautiful though. So nice. Absolutely gorgeous. So you know our boy, Ed. Mm-hmm. Obviously. Of course.

He, he's taken over the whole show. Okay, you come. Here's a trailer from one of his mainstream movies. Wow. And Randall for Dr. Yamamoto. Randall. Randall. Oh, London.

Yeah, Atlanta. I had a hooker. I had some Viagra. Oragla. And I, Viagra. And I don't know if it'll kill me. Come on. There's even a bra.

I need a little assistant score. He looks great. What? Am I too old? I can assure you my years of experience will pay off for you. Yeah. Nothing like I expected.

No shit. Sit over there. Well, I, I got a great tongue, but it doesn't cross the room. I mean, isn't that kind of what lasts about it, you know? Uh-oh. Bend in the truth a little bit so people feel better. Sure. Oh, no.

It's not going to get hard until I'm ready to come. You know, just like, seriously? Oh, my god! Oh, my god! What? I may love your saggy, you know, junk. Say yes. Say yes!

What? Your lubricant, sir. Oh, thank you. Well, it's normal size. Yeah. This looks great. I know. Is this on the independent film festival?

Sure. Where did you find this? It's a trailer for a short film that he submitted to some festivals. Oh, see? Yeah. We need to go out and see this ASAP. I'd like to see that. You're a celebrity.

Can't we get a screener? Copy time? Let me see all that dumb. Well, that's really cool that he's, we got the private life videos, and then we get the mainstream video. That's really neat stuff. Do you think this morning we were having a debate

as to whether or not you think Leo, I think Leo had a full life before he made these videos with Mark, and that he may have been married at one point and has kids, which is probably why he wanted those videos released after his death. I don't think so. I think that, I think he did probably masquerade as straight. Definitely. He was straight away from having a family.

You think so? Yeah, I think he probably lived more of that recluse bachelor life. He was like the cool uncle. Yeah, I don't think he was cool. I think he would travel to do gay stuff, that he was probably weirded out about being in the city he lived in doing, you know? Yeah.

And that he, you know, when he told that guy, when he told Mark that it's been a long time, I think he probably went a long time without, you know. That's a totally different scenario. I think so, because he went to the military. We know that because he said that he got genital warts from a hooker. So he was living as a straight man for a minute, right? In the military for sure.

In the military, because back in Ed's time, you couldn't just be gay. So I think he was married for sure. I bet he had to have had kids. It would be very rare for a man in that generation. The dove is a burning with information. What do you have, native? Zolo here tells me that he was married.

Yeah. Kids? Zolo? I don't think so. I didn't read anything about that. What did you read? Here, why don't you get over here? I would love to contact his children and show them these videos if they haven't seen them.

I don't want to. Have you seen your dad come? No, I don't want to show them that. No, I don't want to show it to the kids either. What's up, Z? What's up? I did kind of a deep dive on Mark. I read all the comments and everything on that page that these were originally posted on.

Mark was talking about how Leo had a wife and he was in the closet and trying to hide it from his wife. I think she passed away first and then that's kind of when he went into seeing Mark more often. But yeah, he was married. He was. He had to have been. I'm thinking no child. I hope not. I think my sense of that is not dad vibes.

But I could be wrong, obviously. I think the opposite. I feel that Ed has nothing but dad vibes, which is why his porno game, his sex chat game is so weak because he's like, all right, Mark, he's almost, he is paternal. Yeah. All right. Yeah, because it is how my dad would do it if my dad was doing it. He's got like nice guy vibes.

Show me your boobs. Yeah. Show me your boobs. Yeah. And I'd love to suck on your boobs if I was there right now. Yeah. He's almost sweet. Ed's sweet.

Yeah. That nice bush. Yeah. Nice full bush. You know, I like that. That's how my dad would do it. And then I'll tell you when I come up there, we're going to have sex. That's how he was wooing Mark.

Yeah. You know, you come now, Mark. Like there's no. Okay. You know, there's no errors about, about Ed. He's just very straightforward. Well, let's take a break. Yeah.

Let's take a break and we'll be back. You come now, Mark. Just a moment. We'll be back to talking about farts and dicks after this quick break. Oh, let's, let's shout a tova, by the way. There you go. Thank you, Mark. Of course.

Thank you. Are you a member of the tribe as well? I'm not, but. We're fucking well. Most of my team is. Cultured man. He knows what's up. We're back.

We have the great pleasure of welcoming for the first time here, a very, very, very talented guy, a good, fun guy to be around. Mr. Marcus King. Thank you very much for. Wow. Coming. Thanks for having me. And, and joining us.

You're in town working on an album. You already put out an album this year. So, right? Yeah. Because that K. Eldorado came out earlier this year. It came out in January. Yeah. So beginning just, just in time for people to stay home and listen to it.

Yeah. But now you're, you're making more music, man. So congratulations on that. Thank you. Good to have you in, in Cali. So now you would be touring normally, right? Like you drop your album and then is it like comedians where you tour right after the album comes out or?

Yeah. So yeah. Generally we just, we put out the record and we just stay on the road pretty constantly. And last year I think we were on the road like 218 days. Oh, wow. And I know that because I made all my guys for Christmas. I made them like plaques, like employee of the month plaques. That's nice.

Sweet. And you know, we were really worn out. So this, this kind of break, it was kind of needed. It's interesting how it worked out like that, right? Cause I had the, my special came out during the beginning of like the lockdown, the quarantine. So then you're like, oh, I can kind of like take a breather for a minute, right? And then after a few months you're like, all right. Yeah.

It was after a few months, I think we all started getting that same itch, you know? Yeah. Now do you take a tour bus? Yeah. We, we tour on a bus now and that's been a recent development. It had been the last couple of years we've been on a bus. But before that we were all crammed in a van. Oh my God.

Do you take dumps on your tour bus? No. That's the only rule. That's usually a rule. That's the big one. That's the only rule. But some of the new ones, they're like, oh, you can shit on here. No shit.

Oh yeah. I remember I went by someone's bus when I was younger and it smelled like shit. So I imagine, I imagine that that happens. I mean, like that's the thing is I remember when I first got on a bus, I was like, what's up with shitting? Well, he goes, you can shit on here, but the whole bus is going to smell like shit. And I was like, yeah, that's not, that's not permission to do it then. Yeah, no.

He's like, it's going to get in all the vents. And then I had a bus that one of the biggest, I'll just say without giving it away, one of the biggest pop stars on earth used and it was brand new. It was amazing. And it came to me from this artist and I was like, well, I got on and I looked at the driver. I was like, you can shit on here. Oh, yeah.

He's like, so and so did a lot. And I go, it won't smell. He's like, no, this is like state of the art. Wow. Is it that they can't? Why? Why is it? I think so.

The old way, right? Where they were like, this is a piss only bus. It's that it would just, your shit would just slop down into that tank and then it just, the air, they would just circulate it. Now they have like an actual grinder system in there, you know? Yeah. And it actually like mulches it up for you. I think they actually have like coffee grinds down there to mask the smell.

Yeah. Well, they should do what I suggested, which is you flush and then it just throws a shit on the highway and out into the desert. Why not? That's a big thing that they're trying to push now is like, why not make the shit hit the highway? Yeah. You just flush it and then it goes everywhere.

It was a popular artist that did that many years ago, right in Chicago. Oh, yeah? Yeah. It was this particular artist. I think it was the crew bus, but I remember the Kaka and everything going over the Chicago River. Oh, really? But there was a ferry boat going underneath.

Perfect. I don't remember that story. I know. Yeah, it was a pretty big deal because they were pretty environmentally conscious artists. Oh, really? Yeah. That's a pretty like, it'd be a cool thing if all touring artists were like, if you get behind my bus, you risk hitting a wall of shit at some point.

Exactly. Yeah. But it makes it like a game where you're like, I wonder if I could drive behind them for a while. You could watch out for children on the school bus, but watch out for shit. Yeah. Flying shit. It's a great idea.

It is a great idea. You're a real fan. You won't mind. Yeah. It's really something. Yeah. How's the band, by the way? I met all the guys.

We did Conan together for people that are watching or listening. We did Conan together and I remember you were coming out and I hadn't heard your band before. And one of the, it was either Conan or Andy that they were like, have you heard these guys? And I was like, no. And they're like, this kid fucking rips, dude. Wow.

You came out and I was like, what? Because like every, like the way you play and your voice, it's like your voice should not come out of here. No. You sold it to them. Yeah. Yeah. Your voice is amazing.

And like, yeah. Hearing you, I was like, holy shit. I know. And what are you? I mean, how old are you? You turned 15 earlier this year? You're a baby. No, I'm 24.

Jesus. You're going to turn 25 next year. Yeah. I mean, when did you discover this voice? I was a kid. My folks are, or my dad, rather, is a guitar player and a singer. And your grandfather was, too. My grandfather, too.

So I grew up around it. And Piedmont? Yeah. Piedmont. That's where I went to high school. I don't claim that spot. Yeah. I grew up in Greenville primarily.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. We've been to Greenville. Yeah. I did Greenville last year. Where'd you play in Greenville? I did this beautiful theater. Oh, the Peace Center, probably.

The Peace Center. Yeah. That was awesome, man. And the show was, you always remember the show? A lot of times they're like, you know, yeah, there's certain venues. Where, like, it'll be historic, and you'll be like, oh, like the Fox in Detroit. You're like, Jesus. But what I remember specifically is sometimes you'll do certain regional runs where you're

like, I don't know how this is going to go. And I was, and I did the Peace Center in Greenville, and it was like, it was one of, like, these shows that stand out to me from that part of the tour. Right. A really good show. Now, that theater is insane, and I remember from being a kid, and when we finally got to play there, I remember when I saw BB King there as a kid, I was on the last seat in the top balcony.

Yeah. Had my head leaned against the brick wall. I saw Crosby Stills and Nash there a little bit closer. I saw Steve Miller there, and when we finally got to play there, they just replaced all the seats. Uh-huh. I don't know when you played there. I don't know if it had like the, like the old pink upholstery.

I don't think so. Yeah. But they said, they asked me if there's anything that we could do, because we sold the place out, and so they wanted to do something nice. I said, I just, I want a chair. I know you have some chairs left. And they gave you one. They gave me a chair.

Yeah. Which, that was the coolest thing anybody's ever given me. That's pretty cool. I get that. Yeah. Especially because you got to enjoy that. Especially. You got to go there as a kid, right?

Or growing up, you got to see artists there. And you got to sell it out, which is even, like, so cool. Man, it's crazy. Yeah. What a wonderful thing. But trying to find a place for that in the house. Yeah. My girlfriend's not happy about the theater seat.

Yeah. What's this fucking bucket seat doing? What is this? Yeah. How did you know you were, like, when did you know you were dope as you are? Like, when did you know that your skills were not, because I always ask this to, like, to musicians, right? Like, to our untrained, like, we like music.

I could hear somebody just, like, shred and I'll be like, wow, you're, you're fucking really good, huh? And then they'll be like, I'm not that good. No, I mean, I was going to say I still have my doubts. I just, I just like doing it. It's something that, it's like a compulsion. Yeah. You know?

You guys are so passionate about comedy. Right. And it comes through in your, your specials, like, we're, me and my girlfriend are huge fans. That's awesome. By the way. But we're full of doubt, too. So that's a, no, really.

We were just saying that at lunchtime, how, like, we, at least I don't know how you feel, but I hate everything I've done prior to right now, even right now. I hated what I said a minute ago. I don't think I like anything. That's very, I think that that's, for comedians, I think it's a very healthy, like, a comedian who is progressing and working and doing well. You should go through days where you're like, I'm like, you should have days where you're like, I'm super fucking funny.

I'm the shit. And then you should have days also where you're like, I don't know what I'm doing. And I don't know if I'm good at this. And that's okay. And that's okay. Yeah. And that's, that's musicians, too. Okay.

There's some nights, but it's the same with the crowd. Yeah. Like for us, we have the luxury of like amplifiers. Yeah. And there's six of us up there. Yeah. You know, you guys are all alone and that's always, that's freaked the shit out of me. It's terrifying.

And there's no music happening. I know. To offset what's happening. That's why we tell them, turn these fucking monitors up, man. Yeah. I always see you with the huge monitors. And I was like, respect. Yeah.

It's amazing. Well, and I learned this trick from Louis C.K. He said, always have your mic turned up. You are louder than the audience and even louder on late show Friday when these fuckers are drunk. We always tell them to crank it. Crank it up, dude. Even louder.

Don't let them talk. Because they'll talk anyway. You're not going to get them to completely not talk. The peace center is not going to all shut down. So you just be like, make it loud so that like if they are talking, we're going to talk louder than them. Yeah. And that's what we learned playing in bars early on.

Right. That's how I developed like my kind of singing voice was just to scream really loud. How did you get that? I mean, so talk about the first time you're singing. You can't train to have like someone can't like hear you be like, I'll sing like that. Like your voice is God given voice. Oh man. Thank you.

I mean, it's incredible. It's an incredible voice. I appreciate it. You have like this. I mean, it's funny because I got into what I would, I don't know if this is like everyone's very doesn't like being labeled or boxed in, but like to me, it's like a southern rock vibe. Right.

Like that. I mean that I, I got into it when I, when I went to Carolina, I went to college in North Carolina. Oh yeah. And so that's when I got into almond brothers, government mule, black crows, like that was like that for me, that kind of school and like there's a, like a vibe to what I should say, right? Right.

Like, you know, the guitar, the soulful singing and stuff. And like that's when I first heard you. I was like, it took me back to that feeling. It's a special thing. And those, those people are very passionate about that music. Yeah. And I have family like that and it's, it's a beautiful art form. I mean, it's such a, it's what I grew up.

I was spoon fed that music growing up, but you know, to be lumped into that, it's, it's always an honor, but it's always something that I'm kind of trying to work past as well without like, without pissing that demographic off in a way. But after you do a couple of blues cruises, you know, you kind of get worn out on it. I got you. What's a blues cruise? A blues cruise is exactly what it sounds like. It's just a cruise with a lot of blues fans.

Oh, got you. A lot of blues for about a week. Oh, and you're like, that's enough of that. A lot of Tommy Bahama, a lot of Jazzy scooters. Because your, your, your music has like elements of it, but also other elements too. Right. So it's not just this one thing. Well, those are, those are the purists, you know, right?

And I always get in trouble with the purists because I'm not a blues artist. Right. And I never said I was, but they're, they're always asking me like, what do you think the purists are going to think about this? Yeah. I don't really care. I don't know. What is a blues purist?

But that seems to be what's tough about your audience, right? Is there, I mean, I'm, I'm very ignorant of it. So forgive me. I will say stupid shit to you as you know. I love it. Yeah. Um, but well, for instance, like the country audience, you have to be a certain way, right? For them to accept you.

You have to be able to sleep in Dully Parton's backyard. Otherwise she's a cunt. Um, right? So is that what you're, they're, they're purists. Yeah. They're very tough. I mean, it is like, we went out with Chris Stavilton and his crew and like he came up kind of in the same way we did with the Southern rock.

So we go out with them and we realize that every audience is similar in some ways and in some ways they're, like you said, they're very purists. Yeah. But we're playing for the people that just came to have a good time. Yes. And you can find those in any crowd. Well, when those labels come, like, like, you know, I hope I didn't, um, insult you with that vibe of that.

But like, so do you go like, I just prefer not to have the label. Like I'm just a musician and I make music or is it, or, or does it, is there's something that you prefer like your music to be described as? Man, it's like the only time it gets hard to explain what I do is like if someone asked me in the airport, because I have a guitar with me. What kind of music do you play, man? It takes me like five minutes just to explain it because I have to unpack it. So it is easier just to say like we play rock music and we're from the South.

So the Southern rock moniker doesn't, doesn't bother me, you know, at all. And they're just like, roll Todd, brother. Roll Todd. How about them taggers, brother? So you're a little kid and you, what you discover. How old are you when you figure out you have this talent? Man, I, when I was about 13, that's when I started singing. And that's when your voice changes, right?

That's when my voice was, yeah, it was in a weird transitional phase. Yeah. But I got really into Aretha Franklin and Tina Turner. I saw her in concert. Aretha? In concert in South Carolina. Really? Yes.

No, sure. Did she have those big titties then? My date, Casey, and we went, oh, she had a big old titties. Her tits were enormous at the time. She had, she actually had two crew guys hold her tits for her. Google Aretha Franklin's titties, because those were so big before she died. I want to say, I want to say we tweeted about that. And Dolly Parton had, has big tits too.

Yeah. You got to Google Aretha Franklin's tits. They're being caged in right there. Yeah. You can't even see them. Yeah. They're full. Yeah.

Look at that. Look at that. Oh my God. Look at her. Fucking titties. She was probably selling tickets just for the tits. Oh, look at those tits. Jesus Christ.

Yeah. Back in the day with Don Cornelius. Don Cornelius. That's right. Oh, look at her. And Tina Turner. I mean, that's just. There's a couple of things you just don't forget in life.

And Aretha Franklin's titties are two of them, yes. You know who was at the concert too? This was just like a weird thing I remember. It was in South Carolina. It was near, the show was somewhere near Myrtle Beach. And we went to the show and Danny Glover was at the show. Really? Yeah.

And she shouted them out. I don't want to. Yeah. Because it wasn't that. Like it was a theater, but it wasn't like, you know, too, too big. Yeah. And the other thing that we would, we were kind of laughing about, she was, she was big. I mean, she was big when, when the show was there.

She would do like two songs and then take like a 30 minute break. And then come back in a new outfit and be like, oh shit. And then she would do a couple of songs. And she'd be like, I'll be back. You know, she'd walk off and you'd just wait. And no, no, people would just, you know, we were like, she'd been gone a while. Right. And then she'd come back.

Another two songs. No, I did hear, because I was such a big fan of hers, I heard that she was not the nicest person. No, it doesn't happen to me out. But you know, that's speculative on my part. But that's true. I did watch, I love that there was a clip, an interview where she did. Somebody asked her, you know, how about this?

Something like we invest in something. It was in an interview. And she was like, are you going to write the check to the interviewer? And they're like, no, she was like, that's what I thought. Yep. I've avoided so many artists just because I don't want to ruin what they are to me. Don't talk to them. I one time got to meet Kim Deal on the streets of Silver Lake and she offered me her email

address. And I was like, no, because I don't, I didn't want to know her. Not to say, I don't know if Kim deals a shithead or not, but I don't want to know. Don't tell me. I want to keep the illusion that you're awesome. Exactly. Did you go to Myrtle Beach a lot growing up? Man, not really.

Myrtle Beach, just, we were more of a Charleston family. Okay. It's way nicer. Yeah. Way nicer. What he's trying to say is we had some money. Okay. We had some money.

Well, I mean, we were sharing a room, but we still didn't want to, you know. He's like, what are you thinking? What piece of shit? What are you thinking? Myrtle Beach. No, Myrtle Beach. That was, by the way, we went to Myrtle Beach because it was, I think, senior week. Yeah.

We went to a motel and like 25 of us and we put, I think, 50 blunts in the room refrigerator like to keep them cool and we would smoke in the room and the cleaning staff would just be like, just, okay, like they just give up and we're like, I don't know, man. Yeah. It was just a place to get wrecked. Right. Myrtle Beach is like the first place. Myrtle Beach is kind of where it all kind of flushes out of the state.

I had a... Charleston's nice though, man. Charleston's great. It's a beautiful place. Yeah. And so where do you perform when you're a 13 year old kid, churches and stuff? Yeah. Well, I played in church growing up, but I think you realize pretty soon these are not

my people. Yeah. Yeah. I can't imagine doing that church. You're doing this new gospel album. They're not. Tell us a little bit about it. They're not there for the music.

So I mean, I grew up in church and I'm glad that I did. You learn a lot of morals there and great players in church too. So that was positive, but I started playing like in the bars and I had like older musicians kind of take me under their wing. You're playing those bars young? Like as it's... Yeah. Wow.

I mean... How are you able to get in? Because the comedy scene seems similar. Because he can rip. Right. Because they heard him play and they're like, fuck. All right. They don't let you...

They just like they let you in to perform and then you kick you out right away? Right. Pretty much, man. Like it was kind of... Like I mean now I get carted. Yeah. And I got a floppy South Carolina ID so they still think it's fake and they try to break it out here, but you know, like this seems fake.

Sounds cool. So I mean I'm still babyface so me at 13, like it was just apparent, it was very apparent. So I mean, they didn't even have to ask my hands what they did, but it was just kind of an understood thing in Greenville. I would just play all these bars and they kicked me out as soon as the gig was over, but I could get in there and kind of cut my teeth and play with older musicians and they just kind of showed me the ropes. So you're like what, 15, 16 when you're starting to perform?

How old are you? So when I was about 13 when I started doing it with my own band and when I'm 15 or 16 I started like realizing that these club owners will take advantage as you know if you don't stand your ground. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know. Show business is great. I mean music specifically always has had up and up business venue owners, record deals

are always really in the artist's favor. What was your favorite? So yeah, that's when I started sneaking drinks. So you know, and I remember particularly this one club they'd say you know it's a 300 guarantee and we were four piece band, but one of the members couldn't make it so we were carrying on as a three piece. He said well, we're going to have to dock your pay. Holy shit.

And he said because it's 75 a person and you had four people. I said but it was a 300 guarantee. And that was four people man. Yeah, four people. We don't pay 75. I thought you were bringing in dogs but I got to dock a little more. So you know, that's the first time that I just got like obliterated in this club at 16 and the club owner was like I can't have a drunk 16-year-old in here causing shit so

just don't come back and yeah, that's kind of how my experience was. Got in a couple of bar brawls that didn't want to, I mean I would not instigate that them, but if you didn't want to pay me, I mean I'd say you know, my grandfather's wisdom was to just start stealing their shit if they didn't want to pay you. Things like man, just take the bar stools, take the PA equipment, whatever you can get your hands on. Start taking it out of there. And they'll pay you.

Yeah. They want to get their shit back. And did that work? It worked. We got paid but we were playing for like our base player's girlfriend and the science said we played 9 to 12 and we got done at 12 for nobody and they said well you played to one and we said no, no that's not what's happening. So I said look, you're going to pay us and we're going to leave and they didn't want

to pay us so I said we're going to take your shit and then it turned into this whole thing and then this filling drummer I had at the time, they jumped on his back like these huge dudes out of nowhere. I was like where were these guys when we were playing a set? Yeah. It's like they came out of the walls, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was huge.

And they just started really going at it and I did not get hit which was good. That's good. But the back of that venue that you could only find if you know how to get there. So the backside of it was a police like dispatch unit like where they answer the phones so the cops were there real quick. It was an interesting way to grow up. Yeah. And there's really interesting entertainment live venues, live shows like the type of shit

you run into. I mean it's unlike people who don't do it don't realize that you know all these especially like the start amount places they'll fuck you so hard. Yeah. Same thing with like I don't know how you feel now about record deals but it's like it's so different from when you know the music you grew up listening to was in an era where that music was made and recorded with this industry controlled everything and it was designed basically to fuck the artist.

And then now because you know comedy is kind of the same thing where you know the specials are the bigger thing now but they're still like you know streaming there's there's albums that are for sale and but one of the things is weird like when you're when you're comedian now like sometimes you talk to someone they're like oh you know the so and so notable comedy name offered me a record deal I'm like what do you what do you why do you need that like you just record it yourself right spend like a thousand dollars yeah and invest in yourself and like what are they going to do put on iTunes you can put on iTunes right so I don't know for musicians if it's the like if they feel like you know you that the record company

still holds weight I think I think it's kind of you know obviously they had to shift gears a bit with like the streaming and everything but you know for me I've always I've always kind of played into the idea like all right yeah sure I own my masters my publishing what am I gonna fucking do with it I don't know what to do with it right you know I'd rather have somebody own a piece of it for X amount of years and know how to push it sure but I mean that's just my experience yeah you know I can't obviously tell people that's the way to do it yeah but I mean I like having a label that knows how to push the music and you know that's the thing too is like for going into the studio and recording

something for you know a few weeks it's gonna it's gonna add up yeah you know so it helps with that with it helps to have that financial back you did the thing that like so many people I mean I don't even know how it works but I've seen so many stories about artists musicians specifically being like I want to own my masters I want like and having to fight and pay you know huge sums of money to get like them the music they wrote that's crazy yeah I mean you gotta you gotta have good lawyers in this business but you know in my experience the people that have taken me under their wings labels I've signed to I've had I've had good experiences that's awesome you know I've been taking good taking care of really good so it's uh it's been

positive but that's great we'll talk in a few years and yeah when I'm living on the streets in Malibu there you go well I heard a little nugget I was listening to I think it was Miley Cyrus and she was saying that the record labels find a way to get the music on tiktok now like it's there's like all these little insidious ways of getting your music into the world they're sneaky man they're sneaky it's cool yeah it's cool and I uh we need you to get on the talk are you making your talks on the talk yeah you need help yeah I need you to curate some yes but we'll put your music to them let me help you my sister actually found my my music on tiktok she did she was like freaking out she hit me up about it people are doing it what is it called

duets yeah are they duetting you I don't know maybe Carolina I have to say that your lyrics we're listening to you and your lyrics are so adult like and now it makes sense like you have a soul of a middle-aged man inside of you yeah but you are growing up in why are you so grown man but but don't you think there is like you're saying you're sitting in the back of a theater watching these wonderful acts growing up as a little kid and then nothing is an education like doing bar shows I think you see you see real humanity working in nighttime places like for instance when I cocktail waitress out of college like that was more of an education to me like watching people when they drink and how they act and what happens at night is really what the

fuck is up with humanity man absolutely man and I see it to be like you kind of see the underbelly of society and you start to see that we shouldn't take ourselves so seriously and between playing bars and seeing grown adults act like assholes and get dragged out of these places and then see them at church or whatever the next day or to see fraternity brothers that was a big one for me I had this realization they're always cool they're always so great for the best they were always really nice to me but they they'd be like having a nice conversation with me and then like see this younger like pledge with a girl and just like knock him down just on the gravel be like planks on the gravel and like pour a beer on his head like while they're talking to me about like

nice stuff Jesus and I'm like this guy's gonna be someone's doctor yeah or someone's lawyer this guy's gonna be the senator of the state that's douchebag that's what I was like it's all it's all rigged well let me ask you this because like now okay you're you know you're putting out albums you're you're working on more you're putting out great music you're touring your star is rising and here you are with a fucking girlfriend why not go out there and throw that thing about first thing see what kind of numbers you can notch man man I I just uh I love I like the stability you know 24 24 you're gonna look back on these days with so much regret let's talk about um what's this guy doing why are you wearing your why are you wearing your mask like

that that's not how you wear a mask john john put that shit on right oh oh shit be real doesn't that kind of look like me you're not wrong kind of looks like my grandpa Pete um yeah this guy's what's up Pete this life is a game that's what you were saying I did not find this one I don't well this is not my original it's just in here and it's just a pleasure to have it yeah this is great yeah anyway the point I was making with your bar life I think is that you figure out that people essentially are all the same and when you see them at their lowest when they're drunk and fucked up and we see it in comedy clubs too everybody loves everybody loses everybody dies everybody has that so it's the human condition

and nothing is clear at night when people drink and let their guard down and they let it all hang out yeah I like that grit and that's why I like stand-up comedy and I like doing it in clubs when you see these drunk fuckers and their girls with their tits hanging and you're just like yeah this is the slime of the earth right here it's great to have it like in the resume so gritty but it's real nice to be at the peace center and not at the bar and not have these drunk old beddies coming up on stage yeah man where you just get to go like did you do like I did all I had that experience I'll take the peace center yeah yeah what was funny is like that club I was talking about where I got kicked out when I was 16 that that whole staff the owner and his wife they were

all in the front row and they're very sweet folks though now they you know they're they're sweet but they were in the front row and it was kind of a weird full circle moment for me yeah like you uh kick me out of your bar yeah and they were front row at your show yeah but they're so they're such sweetheart so honestly I mean I'm sure I was being a a shit that night did they did they did you interact with them at the at the show or no no you know it is hometown shows man we had to designate a whole room just for extended family you do like finish your song that's for you Kevin your piece of shit exactly yeah it makes you play harder it does right yeah when you see x's and whatever in the crowd it feels good they see they see the ovation yeah I didn't even notice you were

there that's true we were talking about wow you came to my shows in Nashville which is so sweet and I had so many people camped out in my in the green room that I was like I'm so sorry I literally got and what did you what was your calling them oh they called uh wear me out wear me out yeah I have a real low tolerance for wearing out oh yeah like real low yeah yeah I mean I remember one time I got to a city I won't say um so the promoter picked me up from the hotel and like drives me to the gig like and I was like okay cool thanks pulls up to the back and you know we're just making small talk yeah you know cool everything's cool the hotel and we walk in the green room in the green room's full but I just got there and I was like I go what's going on here he's like

oh these are like uh like that's my girl and these are some of my friends and I was like why are they in here nope he was like what I go why are they in my green room yeah before the show and he was like um just hanging out I'm like yeah but it's my room yeah I don't want to hang out with them he was like oh okay like he was stunned he was shocked yeah and I don't get them out man it's cultural I guess because like in the south I think they want they want to make you feel at home I think is the idea and I'm like get the fuck away from me like I need quiet I need quiet we're not um I want to hang out let's hang out after the show after the show after the show yeah but not before do you keep a mellow pre-show backstage thing like is it pretty low-key

man I try to you know it's it's funny like how rock and roll is now like compared to like back in the day yeah like you guys had Tommy Lee on here yeah my experience is hardly he's like he's like heroin's pretty yeah yeah and we're like you know we just kind of check our Instagram accounts for a few hours yeah I know but don't you feel like you need that to put on a good show like just heroin heroin and like just like I'm sitting on the couch some people bugging me yeah yeah like to kind of center yourself to put on the big show you know no I mean yeah absolutely I'll get in my bunk and just kind of vibe out yeah and those bunks are like sensory uh what a deprivation deprivation you just kind of lay in there for you know a solid 20 minutes it's the perfect nap

and then come out just ready to go yeah you know yeah those energy zappers oh man I can't fucking talk where I've had people tell me like dark shit before I go up like yeah and my mom died this year yeah that's really positive to go on to yeah anyway yeah I know like do you stand for the flag you're like I just I just want to do the show you stand for the flag please stop talking to me you told us that the cool guy riff is actually really hard to do I was working on it last night my engineer and I do we kind of bond there it is there it is I love it so much and yeah my engineer and I kind of bonded on the fact that uh we're both big fans of the show and he was like you're gonna be on what tomorrow so uh you know shout out to Taylor but he was like

I can put it into Ableton and we could slow it down you can figure it out so we slowed it down and I was trying to figure it out and I got there yeah but it's a pretty tough riff actually that's actually me a lot of people don't know that one day I came in here I was like I think we should give it a theme you know I'll show you know if you want I'll show you after the show I got a guitar in the front yeah I saw it yeah yeah I tried pretty hard man so we had a little bit of a good turn around oh this guy I'm gonna rebuild my guitar I'm gonna rebuild that one oh hey just leave it with yay oh my god we're gonna make it better bigger faster stronger run out the six million dollar record that's uh he might be and it's also he's sitting on um it looks like this it's concrete

that is like at a work site yeah like there's a lot of like paint chips nails yeah and now I'm gonna go and uh I think I might get all sweaty and he'll eat up with the women's lady football team on Sunday after the fucking game whoa whoa I love this good a lot of good stuff going on baby oh it's hard being me some days but someone's got to do it oh Jesus I like him oh no the tongue did it now there's a cool guy there it is there it is by the way he is very cool he is pretty cool I like him and I like him better than the sissy of freemont I choose you're out of your mind who do you choose him or the sissy of freemont oh between these well here's the thing really okay I'll tell you the truth the sissy of freemont I don't think can hurt me and I do think this guy can't yeah this

guy seems pretty tall this guy has violent tendencies he's you know he breaks down his broken guitar he's hanging out on concrete just sitting on the floor like this is like that's a good point how did that guitar get broken in such a way I think he may have had something to do with it and also I don't see a lot of regret in these eyes I don't know if you feel badly I don't see a lot of life in those eyes that's a good point pretty dark there's not a lot of life life is the right word my man yeah yeah there's that's pretty cool he's cool by the way did you see that but um biden fart that was um he's farted twice now on on camera since he's been running wait a minute have we confirmed both farts yeah we've confirmed one with our auto forensics team both really here's the first

one wow you know I have to cut those teachers and firefighters police officers and cut critical health care programs or stop work on roads and bridges so what does the human cost of lack of state yeah local fiscal relief look like but then this is the more recent one why in god's name don't we teach mike is boosted history in history classes a black man in men at the light bulb not a white guy named Edison okay I heard that yeah and this was we've verified this is from the feed on c span and then we boosted it not a white guy named Edison I mean that's wow I like a guy going into a possible presidency is like I openly fart yeah I agree and I think that's the swag that the US needs again

we're gonna fucking fart we just we just yeah we need a boring guy a boring guy a boring guy but which one's hotter so we were talking about this today in terms of hotness like rank the four people okay trump what's his name the mike pence Kamala Harris and Joe Biden like rank them in hot terms of hotness please yeah take politics out of it take politics are all the way out of it yeah I just like who's the best looking I think it's pretty obvious right yeah where you at with I mean I think Kamala Harris is definitely the best looking of the best looking of the four right then number then it gets interesting yeah because there's three older white guys who are not genetically gifted yeah and it's kind of it's up to you personally I think uh pence has a power bottom has like uh uh

we have that smoldering intensity yeah he does pretty where daddy said it was not nice to do this but I'm doing it anyway well pence has a traditional white oppressor look to him he does he's what you would call a classic white guy he's got the white guy hair he's got the white guy an og whitey and I like him he makes by the way that's the same phase he makes when he sends an order back right there he's like these are actually cold eggs this man smiles yeah so but I think he's of the three guys he's the best looking guy I would argue yeah where where do you stand I I'd had to be in a grants with you on that yeah and then it comes down to the real interesting debate which is biden versus trump strictly based on aesthetics yeah who's hotter I would argue that if you could

rewind five years Joe might have a leg up on trump but I think now even with trump's orange face um to pay or comb over um an obesity and just overall lack of character that shines through his personality I still think he might be better looking than biden really well all right you're crazy I think biden appears more more fragile more elderly he does you know here's a deal man trump does get his teeth whitened they're nice and that's really good yeah and yes he may go a little too harsh on the self tanner but at least he's trying he's trying and the hair is fucked up but he's he's been doing that since the 80s this stupid comb over it's not good it's a look but biden was cuter in his youth in his youth yeah I think we're going off of youth I think biden's

got him all day yeah my father and I actually talked about it last night he was like man I just think your dad actually reminds me a lot of my dad oh really and he's a man you know I just I think biden's just too old for the white house no really he's like a year or two older yeah in our current president that's true that's it yeah just one uses self tanner yeah exactly I just think uh and he's wow wow he's just rolling with his blemish it's not caring yeah yeah I gotta tell you something buddy I think biden's too old yeah exactly well we need to glamify biden why is nobody giving him a spray tan and filling in those gaps he needs some help he needs a little help he needs that spray for the bald spots they just need to prop him up a little bit for his last run I mean what's he

gonna look like in four years oh shit he won't be alive in four years I don't think I don't know how either of them are gonna look no he gets if he gets sworn in but they're just gonna turn to heresy like you're on in 15 minutes let's give you a tour of the white house real quick because you're gonna be living here okay well he's doing his speech and farting and shit we'll show you yeah well look how they could move him back to the VP house and he'd be like this is the white house and then they put him in the governor's mansion I think oh yeah he would know yeah he was a good looking dude he was a hot little dude yeah yeah you're looking guy but I'm my money's on bernie all day looks apartment yeah oh yeah yeah I like that look I like that look that look it'll eat your butt

so so check out this guy this is a guy this is so rare there's probably like a handful of people this is a legit dude who was raised in Asia but is a Caucasian man but he was raised in Asia since being since a little boy right so he's the rare exception of seeing completely blonde white looking dude who speaks English with an Asian accent oh cool Tyler how long have you lived in Singapore Singapore nine years already nine years and then before that two years in china then summer got five years in the states in local schools are only blonde person hard to do anything always stand out one uh china same thing they call me jing pa jing pa golden hair golden hair I love it wow right he's so wild can you speak mandarin yeah okay you're still using these days to get stuff

wrong damn holy yeah he's raised like from birth so that's so rad he's not marking somebody when he's doing no which is probably the one and only time yeah there's no other white guy on earth who's going i need their fire he's not making it i have another hood in my own way from three years don't you feel like don't you oh dude that reminds me me and me and my girlfriend look at each other like every day i'm like you fat you had the baby yet we said that like every day to each other i had the baby yet are you fat yeah she told me you look a fat was that a nail lady yeah no yeah yeah i went to get my nails done the same bitch she always did my nails she you had the baby yet and i did i just fucking had him like i look four months postpartum she said oh you're so fat

yeah i'm like yeah you stupid cunt that's nice i had that your place remember your place it's over like you had your place uh massage i went to the barai no the bride but this is a different place i am foce i am i think this is a different place right there's one that you used to go to maybe it was brian i walked in and and i think you had already walked in and and later go you're too big nobody big for you everybody smile you will you too big and i was like what are you talking about they'll straight up tell you you're fucking fat and then they caught me with like hey don't and they said he comes out of the back and they look at you and she was like no just shut you down don't want to oh my god well i tried buying jeans in korea and south korea

like a decade ago yeah same thing she's so tiny you're too big you're too big oh my god you need the extra lot extra lot i was going to say don't you feel like the term caucasian is racist as fuck it feels it feels like i already did something wrong yeah it feels like like somebody goes he's caucasian there everybody caucasian just sounds like yeah like you're a criminal right only police call you yeah please don't talk so much about my mother the more you talk the more you don't like aqua wow they're role playing there so that's clearly about line cutting like they were like reenacting line cutting is a big thing in asia you know and so he was like playing the part of what had happened to him is it a big thing

yeah hey a boy you've got my calling thank you uh you can i go better us i met you boy she knew that she was authentic she was like uh he must have been like hey fuckhead like to the guy in front of him yeah he went into it he went into it man yeah she knows that he's doing the real deal that's crazy hey bye well it is such an anomaly to see a caucasian speaking fluent it is or speaking english with that accent so i met you boy i remember i i told the story on here but my sister was at the language institute for the navy and they and she was trained in mandarin so we went out to a uh a restaurant dude and the it was one of those we know the places where like the benihana where they chop up on you so much fun so it's supposed to be japanese but they're

just like you're asian right you can work here so they get the guy to cook for us and he's chinese yeah so my sister greets him like i think she like she's like where are you from and he speaks english with a heavy accent yeah she starts speaking mandarin to him and this dude was like cooking and he was like he dropped like he was like what yeah and then she starts she kept talking and he was struggling to keep cooking he kept telling us he was like he was like i never meet why person who can and he was like sweet yeah he was like it's so hard to speak our language i was like it's your own language and you're like it's so hard to speak our language wow yeah and then um and then she gave up she moved on with her life yeah why did she she was really fun she gave up on

it huh she doesn't do it anymore but sometimes i know she was very gifted it was amazing it was do you speak any other languages no i don't i regret it because you just sing amazingly it's kind of a good tell you do that bullshit i just burped off the mic and i feel so embarrassed oh yeah what are you doing in your mom's house dude i'm sorry please feel free you want a soda get him rips toppo chico we'll just go oh yeah those are the shit i quit drinking for a long time and i got really into toppo chico so good taxis right yeah it's a texas thing texas street so good it's out of mexico um but they were so kind they sent me like a fridge and like a palette of man go damn homie it's the shit it's the shit i'm huge into that one as well

the very very bubbly very bubbly more bubblier than uh perrier yeah very very more than perrier yeah it's really it really hits you that toppo chico yeah i love it that's good stuff um you were doing this before the Caucasian oh hottest chili chili pepper i'm just gonna see what happens i'm not gonna say i'm gonna be able to bong rip this whole thing yeah i'm not making any claims what kind of pepper is it he said was that chili pepper oh no he goes back for more he can die right i think that's really bad for you water ain't gonna hurt you stupid stupid way they think tom are we sending him to mars definitely oh shit we're we're using you right now halfway house

oh jesus jesus oh no oh no oh wow let's watch that again you can't do it he seems like he's really struggling yeah he might be dead he might be dead right yeah this guy my dandruff in there he's dandruff hot and dry no oh how do you have that much that's a collector's uh oh i wasn't expecting that take it easy take it easy that's my favorite

the look at his face dude that dude looks like he's anything that you've ever pulled out he's like you want to try to smoke it and then like it like it morphed his face he's just like oh i tell you what though i don't really want to hang out with a ton of these folks i would actually kick it with him because he seems pretty chill yeah he seems like a chill norcal guy i gotta tell you something you're reading people way off this is not a chill guy that is not true you want to hang out with the sissy of freemont street i wouldn't want to hang i said if i had to choose between a couple cool dudes i would choose a sissy of freemont because i feel like i know what's out

there i know that his behavior is crazy it's on the it's on the surface this guy seems like chill for all the guys that's the sissy of freemont there he is fuck all your motherfuckers and you assholes come on pump motherfuckers let's get it on come on you lousy scum suckin dogs pump motherfuckers yeah yeah christina's like yeah i'd hang out with that guy flow the flow of that guy all right he's got musical timing i like the lighting in there uh don't you feel like music musicians and comedians or kindred spirits entirely i think you guys say the things that we're not gifted enough to say what you guys say cool or stuff but we can sing it you can

sing it and the timing because music is timing it's all timing and you guys have you know comedians have amazing timing and uh when i get off the stage i listen to podcasts and listen to music it's so funny yeah we've met so many musicians through you know over the years just that are like oh yeah listen to podcasts and listen to comedy yeah and then you talk to all comedians that are like i just listen to music you know like it's a total crossover like dindale ray just getting pumped up on acdc before he goes on yes have you heard him sing by the way yeah he can sing he does that bond scott stuff dude he's crazy yeah that's the first podcast i ever did was uh let there be talk with dean with dean yeah a few years ago yeah he um he can actually like i've heard him fuck around like

up close but then i saw a video of him like on a stage singing and i was like god damn dude you really have a voice he rips yeah rips he really does do you have you met garth brooks no you haven't no i haven't are you scared yeah i'm a little a little um yeah he's uh he's a little scary a little intimidating have a thank you finally somebody a member of his community chiming in no but i mean i haven't met him but uh you know you've heard rumors though i've heard rumors yeah yeah they're not real we all have there's one community that i've heard rumors from the g-man is not to be fucked with look at his titties the sissy oh yeah he's a babe he's cute do you have any talks yeah you want to see some talks would you like to do some talks please

i'd love to get some talks let's get some talks in here all right curated by the one and only talk master and by the way let's celebrate good news tiktok is free again they were about to lock it up oh really it was really a negotiating tool that trumpie was uh using yeah and it's it worked we have the talks back talks are back however it's i can't share all of them on my stories i have to send them to any and then he processes them for me yes it's a these are all these are all approved you ready yeah here you go yeah oh yeah all right now turn it around oh hey guys hey totally burnt off our ass we are it's been like a week yep and we've been going at each other like all week it's the enre now we're not at all we're so high it's like ridiculous yep but it's calming too like imagine

two cancers that have emotional problems but the attraction is perfect with each other and then you don't you're both pot heads and you're both smoke or you do your abadol edibles oh that's what happens without edibles you freak out with each other over stupid shit over stupid shit now that we're high oh we're so much better so much calmer oh yeah wow yeah it's kind of like the first day we met kaita yeah it is this is a great pro drug commercial actually you know that was a kiss the whole time that was a long kiss wow i actually by the way at first went up when they were like we're high i was like they're not high on weed like the way that they were like looking at i was like this is something else you know and then he's like the abadols well maybe yeah but they're

like it's just like when we first met it's like we first met like that is an re in re right there is this what you and your girlfriend are like right now yeah well yeah we're like this out here we got the the recreational we got we got weed delivered to us bro which is the new thing isn't that fun great is that tenancies like the 80s man you can't do shit out there yeah it's so great here for that yeah it rolls up they're like oh we got your order yeah yeah it's great dear i was still in the air when my my weed got delivered oh unreal man incredible hi with that homeless guy it's camping out in front of your house can you talk about what you're doing out here or no uh not okay i guess i i'm writing i'm working on some stuff you think i'll just say that it's very cool

i'm very happy for you thanks yeah i'm excited another talk you have to come back you can talk about that you did uh your album that came out and you worked on that with dan right yeah with dan our back that's pretty cool that was crazy how that kind of happened how did that happen yeah how does it just just kind of rang me up his people rang my manager up at the time and and they called me and it was one of those like uh you know how traveling is we were in we were in phoenix and i was like kind of ready to go home it was the last date and we were going to go home for like four four or five days and then go to paris and then start this uh front this france tour and uh he called i said change it up i'm just going to go straight to tennessee

and we went there and we wrote together and we hung out and just kind of clicked just clicked wow that's the thing it's like it's like it seems like because of the other conversation you mentioned that there is a big thing of like is this a good match right good energy vibe good like do we click that's what it is man yeah because i'm sure you've worked with people we were like oh i uh i heal yeah just it's an energy thing it's an intention to you know yeah if your intention is just to have a good record and to have a good time doing it it can shine through yeah for sure yeah because there are some comedians who i love but you just don't have the same energy with them the same flow and you're like oh it sucks because i wish we were more compatible

that way right um it's so funny how that shit happens out of the blue too right like nowadays you'll just get a dm from somebody or a phone call it's always all the good stuff is out of the blue all the bad shit is out of left field so this year was out of left field yeah all right good morning my queen's above 18 you got the king here oh no guys get up get your day started it's going to be a beautiful day if you guys are from the Ohio area it's supposed to be gorgeous today a little chilly but you just put a blanket on the bed for the night get your coat and go out and enjoy what's that mean have a good day if you got to go to work you have a good day at work inspire somebody today tell them they look very nice tell them that you love them you guys have a good weekend keep up the good videos

send me some videos okay you have a good weekend and i will talk to you monday all right there's too many messages going on love you guys i love all my queen's above 18 only above 18 and here's the thing here he's mad this is bullshit this guy is trying to give you the illusion that he's like be positive have a nice day what he's really saying is i want to see your tits yeah i'm trying to fuck if you're over 18 send me a puss pic yeah uh what's up with those every once in a while i get a whore to send me a real nice video how about some more of those yeah i'm just gonna dress it up as it's gonna be a little cool today make sure you have a coat and tell somebody they look nice what he really is is he's the i'll make you come guy okay and he just learned to be a little more

civil about it which by the way isn't a bad thing yeah no in fact tom you hit the nail right on the head at user 270355596 he started on the talk by making these videos from his truck in the morning he's a truck driver and he's like hello my beautiful ladies it's 4 a.m go ahead and send me those booby videos i love boobies and now he's refined the message because i think you're right which is why i'll tell you this he's wow from one cool guy to another he's slightly he's slightly more evolved and more intelligent he knows that he's got to dress it up it can't be so direct get more flies you're gonna get you're gonna get better dms being like good morning my over 18 lovelies then if you're just like that was the damning part was the over 18 uh yeah he opens with that yeah that was his

opener his open line you're over 18 uh what so he's still direct yeah but he's gotten a new sometimes i don't get it right so are you of age yeah good morning my queen's above 18 yeah the foo man chew is oh yeah he's doing it right you're you had to have like been accused of not hitting 18 a few times to start making it part of your greeting yeah twice and he closes on goodbye my above 18 queens too so how many was like you know you hit up a couple 16 you're like i did i'll just be more direct about it so what's the difference between a cool guy that doesn't learn to refine the message like like i imagine the instinct is to be that show me your tits and then how do you get refined because he's actually a little more intelligent is he's a little more evolved some of those guys

are not capable of doing this they're just like well what would be the point because the thing is i'm trying to get tit picks yeah so why would i say have a nice day at work and put on a coat because those tit picks are not going to come unless i say i love tits send me pics of them yeah like they don't know another way this guy actually figured that out right but it's he's kind of wavering in the middle there though yeah he's still he's not the direct guy he's not the you know right he's somewhere in the middle i also i pull back hard from if if he was just all about hey i hope everyone's having a great day i'm all about positivity it's like red flags alarm's going off when someone's just like but that's what i'm saying so how do you as a man

because i imagine the the base instinct is i just want tits i want tits on my face i want you know because you know what works as a man what works as a man is the same thing that works for anyone is authenticity like if this guy was really telling you that he's he's into something else like you know whatever he really likes yeah he was being himself he would find people that actually like him because he's being himself you know right but i'm saying how how is the civilizing process in men i'm saying like how come you didn't end up like a cool guy like what's the process of civilizing males is that your dad who teaches you like hey buddy you can't be model no you model behavior that you see doesn't have to be direct but you definitely model i mean you see

like some guy that grew up like a guy that grows up and is super abusive a lot of times will come from like a abusive household so i think the modeling is a big thing from your dad how to talk to ladies well not just dad but like you know other males around you like friends if you have an older brother cousins yeah so you're saying that like the cool guy club they were raised by other cool guys a lot of times i came from a family of cool guys yeah yeah that's their family crest yeah it's a cool crest just that cool that riff is the family riff it happens a lot there it is this dude got sick of that riff and he was like i'm gonna start being a little bit

yeah good for him okay there he is that's him very nice boobs you guys keep it up i love the videos of the no brawl you guys have a good day oh wow very beautiful women yeah so that's the early work of user two see the early work three three five five five nine this love his early stuff this he should have been played in in another order yeah but this is like this is a good point like that's him and he learned to say hello over 18 but this this could also be you know we all know the road life and we know our home life yep these are two very different men right here it's just him on the road that's true this is a flying jay user whatever yeah loves truck stop he's being open he's being his full self you're right so this is like truck stop user two seven

zero truck stop also it's like you know this might be his one moment of joy for this whole day he's just been fucking grinding out these drives he's got those that huge five gallon coca-cola that's right it's insanity he just checked his open the back and something fell out and he's putting it back on latching it down he's had an inspection he's just like i love your boobs and then he goes like you know yeah hey guys first thing product i'm going to tell you about is organ protein i love this stuff there's what it's got in it okay there's great great review to figure that out um organ protein i am not sponsored by organ or again but if you want to sponsor me organ protein go rabbit and also this bpi best aminos here's some of the stuff it does

there you go it's a good review here's the nutrients packs for that you show us how to use it this is the guy by the way who's like i'm a trainer oh this is not is this the autistic trainer oh yeah and then he's like also i'm autistic uh he's like send me uh 20 bucks i'll send you a workout and like what's your training i don't know i just like to work out i'll send that to you these are two things that i use organ protein training and i'm not sponsored by any of these jesus christ i love to be sponsored by both of these no one thinks you're one or the other one no one thinks well here's the difference nobody was like i wonder if he's sponsored i wonder if he noticed how cool he is he's got two ceiling fans yeah very wrong most people can only afford one

he's got two yeah he's got a lot of really cool stuff going on the haircut's cool the facial hair is cool the uh the way that he showcases a product and just shows you the full 360 label but he doesn't let it sit long enough in front of the camera for you to read what it is but it's also reverse camera because yes so it's backwards as well right right but i mean you know that's not important we get the gist i think he understands and also the message i'm not sponsored which is what everybody was wondering when they saw this they're like this guy's gotta be sponsored by one of his companies right this is a paid endorser the two ceiling fans yeah i'm glad you pointed that out that's uh yeah it's extra cool it's extra cool i actually would love for you to buy a workout

my job please buy a workout i think we tried and and the the links that he's pointing out are dead ends please get please try again come on solo we need to put zone and then maybe right back be like yeah i didn't get my workout because he's like i'll sell you a workout i'm like what because i also feel like it could be somewhat insulting to the people to get certified and you know dedicate their life to fitness yeah and this guy's be like what about me i haven't done any research but do my workout and also when you look at me you'll never wonder if i work out because i don't look like i do yeah so what is it to you if i'm getting married to a mexican and technically stupid i am mexican and proud to be it i am a freaking half breed mexican white and irish because my biological father

is a fucking mexican oh my god i'm a spic and i'm getting married to a spic oh my god so tell him what am i you're a mexican because you have a mexican father if people don't like it they can go piss off and this is my lady right here wow oh my god well that's quite an aggressive kiss he gives yeah that was an open mouth cheek kiss open mouth cheek kiss that's a band name wow open mouth cheek kiss for sure welcome yeah that was um pretty special she's a real special spic yeah real special i love when people break down their nationalities and races because of someone's dumb comment yeah one person one person's like you're not mexican i'm gonna tell you something jerry oh shit oh boy i am hi there this is my room this is my room i just want to show a tour of

my room oh wow my bedroom and my movies and stuff this is my helmet here hope you enjoy that's it that's where that's off that was his name is mike hellerman he also likes to tell you that usually is that the whole thing that's the video i think it may have cut off from Charlie but he goes hello this is mike hellerman and here's a tour of my room my room but we have a lot of stuff in his room well and what's unique about it is that it's a time capsule yeah it looks like josh potter's room in that he's got a lot of tv's from the 1990s vhs tapes and a lot of cds lots of cds like what is he playing all this what is the do you remember like was there a moment where you're like i'm just going to put these cds somewhere else they just yeah it's kind of went away yeah it's

kind of went away yeah yeah my drummer probably hasn't i i think we have my drummer's room that's what it looks like yeah drummers have messy rooms right and vhs tapes vhs tapes you have like you know we have a box in the garage of cds that we're never going to touch well i'm saving them for our children they don't want them yeah they do because i'm going to show them what good music looks like and they're gonna i wish i wish i could press a button and take you through the portal to show their faces to you in like 10 years when you're like and this is for you and they'll be like yeah anyway i gotta go so just put this right in the trash right in the trash yep right in the trash and then they'll pull me and say mom gave me this dumb shit that i don't know what to do with

they don't they won't even have cd play you mean everybody here knows i'm right everybody knows i'm right didn't cherish i loved my father's record collection i thought it was so cool that it's different you should give them the vinyl you should give them the right i already have vinyl but they're not going to want i bought everything in vinyl they're going to play it okay all right trust the musician in the room okay you tell me are you going to save your music for your kids absolutely the vinyl that's my dad did give me a bunch of tapes that i i don't have anymore but i have all his records but that meant the world to me the records records are more sacred

aren't they they are because it's just this tangible thing you know and that sound the crack the pop you know yeah it is good but when you're like here's tones on tails the cd tones on tails they're gonna be like mom i don't know how to tell you i'll give a fuck about this shit you wait you wait until i take our dad just gave me e p md and public enemy i'm gonna listen to this now not your gay shit and then they'll just walk away oh yeah we share that that that hip hop love man yeah you go deep on it yeah i do i love it i love it i know you too yeah you just wait until our sons come to london with me to see bow house live they will love it let me tell you something if you put my kids in like white makeup and a trench

coat they're gonna rip your limbs off i'll rip them off that's okay when you're gone i teach them good music okay all right the Ramones yeah ellis already likes the Ramones clash he's also like the acupuncture no more song because we're gonna be honest here he likes acupuncture no more he's like no more no more no more i was like okay buddy it's true it's true here's something to think about when you drink alcohol you literally deteriorate and after that you're gonna be a dialysis damn it you know hold on what's happening what's on for their voice she's drunk sounds like she's talking to her through a ceiling fan you hear the

different it does it does i don't know if it's a lot to unpack this one it's it's there's always one of my favorite things is when somebody says alcohol yeah alcohol if you drink alcohol oh boy you're gonna have real holy shit here's something to think about you drink alcohol alcohol one two three your liver will deteriorate yeah and after that you're gonna be a dialysis damn next thing you know the doctor tells you that you're dying oh no and it slipped her none about getting her new liver oh Jesus and most people that i know okay is this is this it was dead they don't make it when they're waiting for a liver what about if they're

waiting for a haircut oh yeah to be put in them is she drunk she yeah it's a woman really that's a woman that's a good point i was wondering is it a woman you were wondering if it was i think that's clearly a woman i don't think it's clear it looks like steven king has not been taken care of totally oh my god it totally looks like imagine if this is how he started to dictate books this was his process he's like he's one of my early tapes right when i wrote it we don't want to drink because you end up on dialysis tom and then you'll need a new liver okay you got it this one that was a real roller coaster it was it took a lot of turns yeah i was like we're having a good time then i got real somber yep and the pauses and the pauses and

i liked it ultimately i'm just confused that's a sign of a good time at the end of it yeah you're right her pregnant pauses were too pregnant it was like one two three kind of a politician thing yeah right but even in the world of timing which we deal with like the timing was not may we see this one more time on her beats okay four i want to see this consistent here's something to think about when you drink alcohol you literally deteriorate it's a it's a woman and after that you're gonna be on dialysis they i'll say something i think this is a man no way it's a woman i think it's a man what do you guys think in the boat in the booth it sounds like it's splitting the room here oh shit i think it's a trick not like it matters

i think would you would you smash any thanks man why because you drink alcohol yeah i have to drink alcohol man i'll think we get along when you can be on dialysis dialysis what do you think nida if it's a dude or if i would if it's a dude or or a lady yeah i think i think it's a dude no it's a woman well because it's the mushroom cut i feel like i've never seen a mushroom cut like that this is a dude you've seen it on women they're just tick-tocked you know what i'm saying you've seen it on people but maybe they registered as dudes at the time to me too i don't know and who who else is in there so what does he think i think it's a lady right i think it's a woman i think it's a woman here's the deal man men don't put out cautionary tales men don't give

a shit about people that's a fair point that's true mothers women who give a fuck will be don't drink alcohol that's true no man would be like take care of yourself except for they're trying to fool you into sending them to you right have a great day over 18 queens how's everybody doing today there's no ulterior motive here it's just a public service yeah that's that's how women that's a we didn't know something we discovered earlier before you came that you well i'll just play it for you hello i am just kind of moving around a little bit today i've been laying down for like the last two days my butt is like super sore i got a sphincterectomy which is so you have the outer muscle which is like your butthole and then you have the inner muscle um they cut that muscle

and um because it was really tight um so it's having a lot of discomfort when i was doing like anal and stuff and i would always like have issues um with like tearing and stuff so they uh cut my inner muscle to kind of relieve the tightness so hopefully that works um but yeah so just wanted to give you guys a little rundown of what happened to me so she had a surgery done to loosen her butthole so that she could do anal more comfortably more comfortably wow yeah the lengths that some people will go just for their fans just for your for their craft you know yeah yeah imagine if it hurt every time you did this yeah i mean i'd get surgery to do that i mean she's passionate about this exactly exactly but she's referring to the pregas which is uh wow brazilian uh

portuguese portuguese word i'm a good friend of mine hysa from brazil my friend's wife she told us about this and she said what is the word in english for the rings around the butthole we're like we don't have a word for that dude yeah and they have a whole word dedicated to it what is it uh pregas pregas probably we up here like these animals that we are we say butthole rings yeah that's what we say in the stage yeah but that's what this video made me make me think yeah well we were talking about that i don't think the doctor explained to her well on the outside you know that's called the butthole and on the inside that's the muscle that's the sphincter well now here's you're an artist i worry i mean barbra strissand refused to get a nose job because it might

affect the quality of her voice maybe her having a tight sphincter was her trademark that was the thing that's what made the guys bagac right right bagac maybe she's probably what could have made her great of course this butthole's so tight how do you feel about ed he's he's very he's very sweet yeah sweet i do i do find myself at red lights with uh whether it be an rpc or an ed asner just at a red line i see a family and i have to turn my stereo down all the way yeah there's some extended clips that i yeah ed asner what a sweetie what a sweet man what a sweet man we've been getting a lot of emails to that effect of like i almost got fired for listening to your show i almost got evicted from my apartment listening to your show it's all positive we're

just spreading love it's always great when i'm when i'm watching at the house or i'm listening from the other room and my girlfriend's like what the fuck is happening in it you got every guy that i gotta send you the live show oh i gotta see your live show you're gonna like it i gotta yeah i saw there were some uh there were some sick viewers oh oh it got real it got really you're gonna like the way you look i'm gonna say i'm gonna i'm gonna say you guarantee it i'll have to i'll have to yeah i mean you might want to give the girl a heads up before i don't think i will has she come around at all to ymh or she's still oh she she loves you guys okay good she's a she's a big uh brett chrysler fan oh yeah yeah brett kessler yes brett yeah the fattest most racist working

comedian we did a we did a promo for his new show and uh he has a show coming out i'll find out if we have to not but the show coming out on netflix so their promo marketing team he it's his show yeah he's his name is on the show they zoom in with us to do a promo here yesterday after we did two bears and the marketing guy's like all right um so brett what i need you to do and he just looks at me and i was like and then we like wait and he goes brett and he goes yeah and he goes all right brett so you're gonna start and we were like and so then we were supposed to do the intro yeah where he's supposed to say i'm brett chrysler and i go and i'm thompson girl and we do the segment so we switched and i go i'll

introduce each other so i go he's brett chrysler and he goes and he's thompson and we recorded like multiple ones and the guy didn't say anything oh my god oh my god now somebody else jumped in they're like hey burt and you're like yeah oh i'll take it from here well for those of you who haven't heard the live show we had joey dias on and just guess how many times he called me christine before you watch it could be a fun drinking game that is a fun drinking game yeah christine christine christine he also said a number of words that people don't say that often anyway yeah i missed the listening to him i really missed that guy okay oh my god it was pretty amazing um oh this is uh have you seen this this is our new uh

a horrible or hilarious sure you know the superhuman kid the kid the juggalo kid you know he's like oh yeah but i hadn't seen this one this seems pretty wild to me though this is superhuman so today i'm going to get hit by a rewachter a rewachter do not turn this to home and i hope you like it oh no dude i don't like that why did he do that uh he's stupid i know he's superhuman yeah that's true i mean he jumps onto like a fucking table full of nails and through glass the uh the crazy one that the uh the fluorescent lights one where they jumped onto like a whole palette of fluorescent lights you know that breaks into like those little shards yeah he does it all but that weed wacker i mean that has to hurt that hurts so badly there's some myrtle beach shit right there

myrtle yeah myrtle well he doesn't seem i mean he doesn't seem look at this is from the live show i'll show you this from the little tecton this is uh this was a um a horrible or hilarious from the live show oh i like how that car just drives on by impaled oh he's impaled i know he's like looking for his testicles right here he's like i gotta get my shoe on that car's like you all right he's good he's good later bro he's not all right now did

his shirt rip off or did was he never wearing one that's a good question let's see that from the beginning dude he wasn't wearing a shirt even yeah i mean that those spikes tore though tore it short some i'm sure we're not like able to see there's got to be a horrific injury we're not able to spot maybe several yeah this looks like almost like one of those those moments like after like a car accident when you can still walk around yeah like you're gonna die yeah like that at days like he's just walking around like what the fuck just happened right and like in this video he's gonna go home he's gonna die yeah he's gonna take his bike home and be like i got my shoe and then die yeah there's some internal things happening yeah yeah yeah perfect yeah so

pretty funny video but um it's positive yeah do you think that car that stops and is like you okay buddy and then drives away like can you get in trouble for that for what i mean witnessing somebody get impaled and then like witness the crime and a crime but essentially someone almost dying and then driving off like a dick is that not that's fine i've done that before okay i've seen really horrible things and just been like peace yeah just leave them um so here men before we go let's uh let's get a dinner commitment on the books yeah you're in the neighborhood i'm ready yeah dinner we'd love to do that let's go yeah bro i'd like to bring the lady huh like a good personal concert from my backyard i like you agree with that yeah okay that's all we can do right now

is uh backyard backyard have you done like private events we've been on a drive-in tour well how was that it was good Bart did one Bart actually was the one that inspired me really i was like if he could go out there and not get sick i feel like you know maybe i could go out and we we took the trio out and it was fun it's fun have you ever been paid a ridiculous sum to do like a sultan's birthday backyard birthday party we uh we have played some private parties uh we played a party like in the middle east one time really it was like an after party for the grand prix out there and that one was where i was like people like us that's kind of weird they want to pay us to come to the middle east and we were scared shitless holy shit we had fun we

had fun that's gotta be dope i've heard you know you always hear about musicians like that just so and so you know the fucking guy that owns you know home depot is like a big fan right and then he's like just come play my part in my birthday party yeah and like that you it's always like that with music like he's my favorite act you know or soups birthdays bar mitzvahs you know these i only heard it with stand-up the only one that i heard was a story about seinfeld somebody was a big seinfeld fan they offered an insane amount of money to have him play a show to like 10 people wow and so he had all these like he's like well these are all the requirements and they were like fine they signed off on it and he he didn't agree to like hang out he was like i have to come on

like you have to all be seated wow come on do my show and then i leave yeah but 10 people that seems like a reasonable meet and greet i know maybe i don't want to say i don't want to say i know that he wasn't like shakes and sometimes i've done privates where they were like so you'll have dinner with the the staff before the show and i'm like what so he he was just like there's no maybe he met them you know like after the show but he was like i when they first see me it's gonna be performing yeah you know which i it's great and perfect for stand-up for sure well i mean he's also got like the money where like whatever he got paid probably went to a charity of his choice probably because he doesn't really need it no that's true yeah so the where did you go in the middle east

for this party by rain damn it was pretty cool sherry did you have to shake their hands uh did you do meet and greet i mean it was just it was just kind of open thing we got to go see the race which was cool that's fucking cool you know i don't know how much i'm supposed to be saying about it but we hit that's done you know it's already been done yeah so like big deal would you get paid a million no no wait what else do you want to get paid fifty thousand how much is it what's the currency we got one million camels ten camels what were you gonna say though you did something else uh you went to the race yeah we went to the race we just hung out like at his personal estate it was it was insane were there peacocks and animals and shit there were jet skis

and that's all that's redneck scared about yeah he's got all the jet skis but he had the the person who invited you had an estate there yeah was it michael jackson michael jackson lived in bar right not yet well before he died i'll tell you all about all this stuff come on come on now it was it was the prince actually is cool with us and he had us come and play at his party there it was it was pretty intense man he's a sweet sweet guy won't that be great if the prince was a fan of your mom's house he might be he may be listening it's likely i want you to come all the way what's his accent what's a bar rain dude that's what that's what tripped us out when we showed up he had on like a uh a redskins t-shirt and like shorts because he went to uh he went to university in dc oh oh so he

he was like what's up dog yeah what's up guys thanks for coming to my house we were like this is what we were expecting okay yeah you're like where's like the fucking white sheet bro yeah yeah it was not there white sheet you guys wear sheets here you know what they do and in the summertime one time i saw these guys going on the escalator in front of me and the sun was going through his white sheet and i could see his stuff it was so hot yeah like i've always wondered like if they weren't like you know you gotta let it breathe i think they let their nuts hang i think that's why you wear that yeah let it breathe super hot we gotta start doing that here and we gotta start holding hands too the men did you see the men holding hands in the middle east it's common

we didn't go out much yeah we were kind of i don't know yeah worried about yeah barings chill it was cool it was like the vaguest understood yeah understood all right we got to wrap it up uh marcus king thank you very much thanks for having me guys thank you so much you're so talented congrats on all your success and good luck on the new stuff you're working on and we will see you guys next week this is our closing song is uh personal development by fake potato personal development you can't measure personal development how do you measure personal development you don't you fucking reach hard personal development you can't measure personal development how do you measure personal development you don't you fucking reach hard you want these people to like you

see they have low standards these fucking we need to watch this fucking thing you're a cunt brine not me personal development you can't measure personal development how do you measure personal development you don't you fucking reach hard personal development you can't measure personal development how do you measure personal development you don't you fucking reach hard