Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 573 - Steve Byrne - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: October 14, 2020

SPONSORS: - Go to KushyDreams.com and use Promo Code YMH for 20% off your next order - Go to ForHims.com/mom - Download Best Fiends FREE today on the Apple App Store or Google Play. - Go to Stamps.com, click on the Microphone at the TOP of the homepage and type in MOM. - Go to WHOOP.com and enter “YOURMOM” at checkout to save 15%.   Tom Segura and Christina P start off this episode of YMH by discussing their dating pet peeves. They take a look at a rich Cool Guy that explains his outlook on dating. They also discuss Trisha Paytas' recent raunchy tweets. They watch videos of a garbageman Cool Guy, an Argentinian senator who got caught being inappropriate on Zoom, an elephant enema, and a Family Feud bulge. They discuss news articles about recycled rubbers and swearing parrots. Josh Potter joins the main mommies on the couch to discuss his new podcast the Roach Motel. Josh gives an update on his Cameos and discusses the possibility of the Buffalo Bills going to the Superbowl. They watch a video of a very cool singer, and a Fedsmoker video from the vault. Steve Byrne is a comedian, actor, and writer-director of the new film "The Opening Act." He joins Todd and Christine to discuss the making of the film, how him and his wife differ from Tom and CP, and Charo's famous fart. He watches some Horrible or Hilarious videos, some Cool Guys, Congressman Jerry Nadler potentially browning himself, Christina's TikToks and more!

Good morning my over 18 Queens Let's have a great day and do me a favor for your friend Tommy here let those boobs hang and You know, let's let's make a couple videos send me a couple videos. Let's all have fun today It's for everybody not just him. No, you're gonna like the developments on that guy by the way Yeah, his talks have it's it's gone to a new place. Yeah big guys I Love that that the the way that that guy starts

He's like good morning Let your boobs hang and then and then he's like let's all let's all have a great day like we're all in this together You know, it's like saying like good morning Let's meditate do some yoga and let's all have a great day Well, cuz it's in the girl's interest right right right fun for her to send her boob pics to him And then he's like see I started the fun All of us Yeah, yeah, oh man, very cool very cool guys very cool. The world is so cool right now

I feel like everything's just normal and awesome. Yeah, right? Everything's going well Everything's going well nothing to report Nothing to see here Looking forward to Halloween Tom Halloween should be a really good time Are you gonna dress up Halloween's canceled I know Halloween is canceled I know I'm gonna do something at home for the kids I think just to have a little party at the house fuck that it's Josh Zolo's 21st birthday pretty soon who? Josh Zolo, who's that? He works here. He's the young baby Zolo. Oh, hey, man. Nice to meet you

Hope you have a good birthday. What's he turning? He's turning 21. That's a big one October 18th, and I'm a big one You can jack off in public now It's not against the law anymore Pretty cool. I didn't realize what did you do for your 21st birthday? I jacked off in this lady's face It was a it was at a library. Oh a library. She was like are you 21 she wiped it off Did you get rid of just 21 right now? No, I was actually you know where I was where in Tunisia You and this Tunisian whore you bring her up she was like the the one that got away

No, she's not the one that got away. You asked me where I was at my 21st She's the one that gave you AIDS. No, I was actually putting the moves on the Spanish girl On my 21st birthday, and then her sister started to hit on me So I thought I was gonna get the old rooty-tootie fresh and From these two Spanish chicks, and then their dad was like hey You know leave my dog don't fuck my daughter You thought you were gonna hook up with sisters. I did yeah. Yeah, it was one hotter than the other. Yep Like significantly which one though a sister or the one you were talking to

The one that was more like, you know attitude was hotter. You like the attitudes though. I like attitude You do you like a shitty attitude. I like a bad attitude on a badass bitch Yeah, let me ask you something though because when I'm nice to you and I bake you pies and I'm sweet Yeah, does that turn you off? No, not at all. No, okay. No, we're in a loving Merit just totally different. I'm talking about like straight-up slut shit here. Okay But you do I do have a bad attitude from time to time and does that still make your dick hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course Yeah, that was hesitant. No, not hesitant. Yeah, I'm telling you. I'm like, yeah, of course. Yeah Yeah, all right, but I mean here's the thing. I don't want you to be an asshole that that's not excited not attractive

No, no, no in a marriage partner. It's not hell. No, I don't like that either. Yeah, that's not a turn on But you do like my Eastern blockiness When I'm like, okay, like for instance when we're driving and be like stupid fucking bitch get out of the fucking way Like that see how you smile right now. That makes me laugh. Yeah, like I feel like you like that Hostility when I get angry for no reason when I get angry at stuff. I find that you enjoy it This fucking retard look at this fucking asshole, right? And then you're like, yeah, that fucking asshole like you kind of like that Yeah, I like that. No, here's what I don't like. I don't like Like I'm talking about I have to go back to being single but like I don't like yeah, I don't know whatever you want to do

Yeah, that turns me off. I Agree, that's I like I like what I like is I like decisiveness. I like assertiveness, right? You know a personality. I like a lit. Yeah personality Kiosk What is that? That's you that is a phone my phone with these kids for lunch Hold on dad get your phone out. Hold on guys leave this in the show. You have to see this Wait, let's see what dad has as a phone though. You're gonna die. I think we should start the show first Oh, right. Yeah

You guys are really gonna enjoy this part Jesus that was terrible How angry would you have been if that were my I would have gotten really mad yeah Or like Nadav Would we go straight to chiropractic stuff today if that were the dog's phone? I would have given him an adjustment You got lucky today Sorry guys Hey guys, I sorry. I saw I so sorry so you wouldn't be able to do like You're banging your mic against the table. I like how yours looks and mine covers my beautiful face, okay?

So you want to be able to be with like a docile Asian masseuse lady, you know what they're like Like you wouldn't You wouldn't be able to be with the kind of woman my dad loves hate is like hate it Yeah, which is I went out you bring me plate of salami something nice I went out on dates with a couple girls like that who I was just like, you know I fucking want to put your head through that table right now. Yeah with how like What what do you like to do? I don't know I hate I don't know what kind of movies do you like?

Can I tell you what my pet peeve is? Where do you want to go now? I don't know I That makes me that makes my you know, yeah, you know, it makes me even angrier What kind of music do you like all kinds? No, you don't yeah, nobody likes every music all the music You can't like all music. It's not possible. Every all music Folk music do you like polka polka? Yeah, yeah all country Yeah, if it's nice if it sounds nice, then I like it. No, what kind of food do you like tastes good? Okay That's so annoying someone should chop your fucking ear lobes off

Daddy's angry. All right, you ready? I'm ready. I got a good one here. I won't touch my microphone. Touch your mic I'll be honest with you, I don't mind if a woman Uses me for money as long as she's willing to come on my face Simple Quit pro quo exactly Who is Randy don't bring anyone loving to this Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura

Christina First of all I I I First of all, I'll say it a lot of times people say it and they're completely off But in this case, I will concede this guy looks just like me and I like him This is my twin brother

You know how many people are obsessed with finding people you look like I know I notice It's a constant influx of emails and tweets and so many are so wrong so wrong But every once in a while, there's one that'll make me jump Like Robby like woof and this guy right here. I'm feeling it. You know, it is I think it's I dig his vibes so much Like the jewelry. I like this is me if I'm if I'm single, right? I'd be like, I'd be like hey ladies Yeah, I got some money. You want to piss on my balls? That I don't mind I'll take you shopping you just You just pee on me when I want but yeah, I agree

I'm trying to think and you really would go that far out I do think there's an age where you're just like, I don't give a shit like that's where Thing is like once you go like if I go I don't want to fit like I'm not gonna have a family Then I'd lean right into the you know, I mean like if you don't have kids you can do whatever you want, right? So right now, you know, let's say I was single right now I'd still be like I'm in the window I could still have a family right if I were single I could still meet someone have a family But you put another 10 years on me. I'd be like nah

No, no, I'd I'd go like what was the guy the other guy owned the bunny ranch That guy Dennis Dennis dead now, but I'm so awful. I'd be like what I run a little brothel Bonnie ranch. Yeah, he did and he loved Sunrise. There you go. That was what was her name my sunshine or something That's me if I never had kids. I know that's every guy I got my horse Absolutely I had cigars and stuff Yeah, you know, it's so I love Dennis. I love this guy so much because he's so Profoundly I like that that headline says dead brothel owner Dennis Hoff wins. No, but what is that headline?

I'm in the middle of a thought Tom. Go ahead. I'm saying that what I love about these old guys Mm-hmm is that they're so fucking unattractive. Yeah. Yeah, and They're just big fat pigs. That's that's what he's saying That's the message. Yeah, his message is use me for money. Just also put out That's all this is all I want you to do just put out and and I don't care if you take my money But it isn't even exchange it's an actual It's a good exchange. I mean he's like it is a good exchange. I'm disgusting. I'm old you're young and hot Can you make it larger use me? Yeah

Yeah So this is I don't know if this is an old story or not But it says brothel owner or television star. He died at 72. That's that's not that old On the race for Nevada's 36 assembly district on Tuesday evening. So you want an election? The late the late Dennis off a Donald Trump style Republican candidate defeated Democrat in the contest Jesus What happens when you die and win an election though? Not that that could happen in the upcoming election I know just for the sake of What could happen so this guy he won

We'll see the late Nevada brothel owner also had a presence in our entertainment world. He's there. Yeah, that's right I remember HBO's cat house. That was a great show. Yeah, we like that He took inspiration from Trump's book the art of the deal. Okay. Oh, bro. He wrote the art of the pimp Lovely, yeah, yeah good. Well, but he wasn't a straight-up like street pimp, you know, no He gave them a nice house. No, they they paid they paid rent For that room at the brothel and then they make it their own money So it's not it wasn't like, you know, street pimps are like, it's my money. You work for me

He was basically in business with them, right? So it was a mutually beneficial. Sorry and he provided alcohol. Yeah Entertainment a women's lounge. It's not completely right. That's why I'm upset with it I'm gonna put my arm here and I can't Hmm Remember sometimes in the summertime, he would let them swim in the pool in the backyard. Let them And I don't remember that, you know what I'm gonna check my Let me see here. Oh Yeah, I remember that

How embarrassing is your new phone, what is it called a phone? Booklet, I believe it's like a check booklet like my mom used to have one in the 80s If you don't mind I'm reading something I'd like to keep it private Thank you. It's just so gay. Oh My god, you don't realize how so gay That's so gay I'm gonna get you this one 20 book themed phone case the cool thing is that I accidentally bought this So I ordered us new iPhones. Yeah, I ordered us cases. Yeah, and I guess on the app

I was just like cool this color in that color. I just got blue and I got you. I don't forget what I got you and then When it arrived, I don't I'm I have that thing where I have Anxiety about opening the new phone because I fear the transfer of data Oh my god, right? So I left it in the box for like a month. Yeah, I bought a new phone I was like, I don't want to open it. I got to sink it Well, cuz you know, you're gonna end up at the iPhone store and there is no iPhone store So you're screwed. I finally open it transferred and then I'm like, all right I got to put the case on it and I get this case that I'm like, what's the fuck and it's got the

Fold on it and then I keep all my important documents Here I keep my birth certificate and my social security card because and then sometimes I'll wear a laminate around my And it says my name is Tom if you need help ask me And then I offer help to people That is this is one of the signs of your deteriorating in your almost on that store This morning we saw a woman just walking in the middle of our street and she had around her neck one of those What is it called the lanyard? Yeah, thick ribbon and then with her information on her chest like oh, you're about to die It's crazy when you see that in Europe like when you're walking you know, it's an American. Yeah, like my name is

Shannon and I'm staying at this hotel. Yeah, Rob me parlay vu on clay Someone's gonna take her thing and be like, oh, yeah, I can help you No problem. No problem Come into the back of the car take your panties off. I know I think Americans think Europe is Disneyland And it's not like it's just another country place Country place crime. I'm sorry. My brain is I woke up twice last night with our children. We live in North America a country place So tired

I woke up at 1 a.m. With one kid who pissed the bed and then 5 a.m. With the other kid crying. Yeah, I'm sorry Tom wake up Come on my face So you like this guy I like that you respect this guy's arrangement though, you know, I tell you I used to be it's not for me Right, it doesn't work for me, but I think there are some women in the world, too It's great that he's direct, right? Yes, it should be out there It should be in people's wills like, you know If there's an old billionaire and he's on his deathbed and he wants to spend the last three months of his life Getting sucked off by some hot big-titted animal. Then yeah, that's his right. That's how he spends his money

Yeah, I think prostitution should be legal No, it's a mutually beneficial arrangement and there's some women who don't have an education who can't make a living for them Or who are just fucking awesome people There's some women that are fucking right. Yeah, and then there's some women Who you don't expect to see that kind of stuff from and then you check your Twitter account And you're like, well, there's a big badge on like feed. Yeah, like that Trish. Yo, yo. Yeah, she's I mean, here's the deal man Like again, get your hustle on yes

But I think it's just weird when you see somebody one way like you see them talk on a podcast And then the next minute you see there cool. I'm good now. Thank you. Oh, right Yep Oh and here's Okay, it's so weird Why does it weird me out? I guess cuz like I feel as though I know her a little bit from social media and then and then to see Your vagina up close like that. I'm like, oh, oh

Right like I just I like I feel like I know you know, I see your vagina I'm good with this you can take this down. Thank you. Wait, can can I read the caption though? I'd like to read the tweet that goes along. It's so fucking hardcore. It says who's eating it 18 plus new pussy licking vid up now like wow bitch Wow Yeah, I mean, I'm not hating on it. I'm not hating on on the concept of doing this. I will say I'm not such a fan of What I'm seeing But I'm not mad at the idea or the concept of doing now. What are you saying? Just it's a it's a it's a I'm saying

Specifically, I probably wouldn't sign up for this. Oh She's not she's not your jam. There you go. That's what those are the words. I was looking for. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you You can remove it now vagina was so Big and meaty. Yeah Like I I guess I I have the perfect guy for her though. You want to see them many I found the perfect guy. Like I said, I'm working at EG L

garbage dump here in Abbotsford and I'm there from Monday to Friday from make about a hundred bucks a day and Basically, if you're a female who wants to hook up you have to see me after work We and I won't be in my RV because I'm gonna get it done Friday The brakes on it. You'll have to come and see me in my tent and I'll fuck the living shit out of you And make you a fucking duck Put a leash and call on you and a pair of handcuffs I got sitting here in the RV and I'll fuck the living shit out of you up your ass in your cut in your tits Oh, wow, make you swallow my ten inch

And basically fuck the shit out of you and tell your dad get die. Okay, and so you get pregnant Pregnant over and over Well, he's gonna make me get die. Yeah on his ten inch. Yep. This guy's got ten inches bullshit He does not Do you think he's lying about that? I think he's lying about a lot of things except for the fact that he'll probably put you in cuffs and And put it up your ass and things like that. Yeah, you meet him in his tent when he gets off of garbage dump Work not there's anything wrong with that, but it's just it is a cool I think a call an appeal to most ladies is like by the way, I might smell like garbage during this

Well, when I worked at Starbucks, I would often smell like coffee Right and milk our work our work goes with us. Yeah, if you if you paint houses all day You'll probably smell like paint if you work at a fish market But I think that like if you go like hey, I work at a garbage dump. Maybe you leave it off of your dating You can do it, but maybe don't you sound like a selling point but Tom No, but I think it is because he's trying to say look I am gainfully employed Normally you could come to my trailer, but I'm fixing the brakes the RV. I'm sorry the RV Yeah, which is why I'm offering you a tent. Yeah, and I'll put a collar on you

Yeah, he's a dog put your leash in a collar. Oh, wow and fuck you until I give you dye I'll make you the dyes. The dyes. Yeah, give you all the dye dyes I think um, I think the brazenness of offering a woman a tent. Yeah Basically, fuck the shit out of you until you're done until you died until you died Yeah, I mean the tent offer is really insane. Yeah, it's pretty cool. This guy's rad How the coolest of guys Wait, is this is she shadow band? Is that what you're saying there? Yes Yeah, because uh, you guys told me that it's still up on twitter. So I searched for her

Yeah, and her name doesn't come up So you have to manually put in her user and I don't know if she was shadow band beforehand I feel I have a feeling this is like a pattern of behavior Um, but yeah, she's uh, she's shadow bound current shadow band currently Yeah, just um because I didn't want you to like forget it. It's wanted to recap Put a leash and collar on you and her handcuffs I got sitting here in the RV You're fucking the living shit out of your up your ass and your cut and your tits

Make you swallow my ten inch Basically fuck the shit out of you and tell your doc get die. Okay, and get pregnant. Okay over and over Over and over you get die and get pregnant over and over again. He'll get you pregnant twice three times It's a cool video. It's a cool video Do you want to see another cool video? You're always This is so insane. This is in argentina. This is on the news there. Okay. So the guy that you'll see with a woman on His like sitting on his lap in the in frame. There's like zoom squares

Is a legislator. I think he's a senator. Okay, but look what he does during the zoom Insólito Insólito lo que van a ver en pantalla Un legislador. Oh my god, manosea a una mujer en cámara Se trata de juan emilio ameri del frente de todos What That's pretty great. Yeah, and that that uh news lady was saying like basically you're this is a such a scandal You're not gonna believe that he did this in front of everybody. Oh my god. What is wrong with this guy?

Is he on drugs? I don't know. Hey, he sucked her tits pretty rad It's like the equivalent of like Lindsey Graham just being like all suck the girl's tits on a zoom. Jesus. Christ Heterosexual. Oh my god. Yep. Can I read you this disgusting article? Yeah, please Police in vietnam said they found about 320 000 recycled used condoms that were being repackaged as new Local media reported on thursday market inspectors in the ben duang province Rated a factory near ho chi men city. Hey, your dad knows where that is, right? Where they discovered used condoms being repackaged to be sold at the market and inspector said the factory's

34 year old owner a woman Confessed they purchased the condoms from someone else Ah After buying the condoms from a man, they were washed and reshaped then packed in plastic Bags it is unclear how many used condoms were already sold The condoms were an extreme health risk to users. Of course Oh Oh

So gross so gross that is disgusting. Yeah, that is so disgusting. Yeah Do you want to hear this funny article? Sure. This was sent into our friend of the show eric londi Who also draws weekly posters for us at hollow leg comics on instagram underpants Oh my gosh, this is hilarious. Okay. Are you ready? Yeah A group of parrots had to be removed from an english wildlife park for swearing at the guests The five parrots were adopted and brought to the lincoln shire wildlife park on august 15th and had quarantine together in the Same room where they had apparently taught each other curse words Steve nickles the park chief executive said every now and then you'll get one that swears and it's always funny

We always find it very comical when they do swear at you Staff couldn't help but smile at the cursing and they're laughing encouraged the birds to continue swearing That's very funny. Actually the the parrots basically taught each other how to swear, which is amazing Within 20 minutes of being on display the parrots had sworn at a guest And had directed obscene language at a group of people. That's so fucking great I mean, I would pay for this experience I would pay a premium to go to a hotel where they had like a bunch of swearing birds It'd be fantastic at an atrium or something. That would be so rad

fantastic Some dumb country bitch Yeah, also I have an update on mark's tits. I don't know if you want to hear this Um, sorry I watched a recent podcast where you asked whether men like to suck each other's tits like ed asner offered to mark That's not for an asner As a bisexual man, I can confirm that this is indeed common among gay and bisexual men I'm a top and I personally don't enjoy it being done to me

But every bottom that I've been with loves having his nipples sucked and played with They're they're also dry a lot of tops who like it, but I find that less common I try not to be stingy with it. Keep them high and tight rowing. Thank you rowing for this very important update That is an important update So you heard it here first on ymh news men some of them like having their tits sucked Well, I had no idea. Yep I knew I didn't know that was a big thing in other news some men like having things put up their ass Breaking news

Yeah, yeah, that's pretty cool. That's pretty cool. How big a load. I'm gonna swallow. Oh, right. Okay Um, yeah, where's this thing? So, oh, did you see this? This was pretty cool. This was like kind of trending a little while ago This elephant Okay, I don't know how is this cool, but it's just seen all this shit come out of this elephant's ass Why is this why is the liquid coming out too? They had an enema Oh, look at this big smile right here. Yeah, why is he so happy? She's like, ah, so messy What is she like

First time I see running water in months They don't have shower in my cup. Hey, do you see Do you see anything? Do you see anything weird here in this in this clip? Just watch, okay? I'm scared. No, just see if you see anything that stands out to you Does he notice his own car? Yes Yes, let me see it again. Let me see that moment when he sees the benches on dick Whoa, look at that moose knuckle. Dude, this that's right up the he's splitting the testis

You realize that? Like those are splitting the testis. There's one ball on each side. It's so tight But because normally you put your balls on one side of the seam You don't want the seam to split your nuts. No That's too tight But is that when they say you do dress to the left or dress the right? Well, I mean like your your balls go to one side or the other you would yeah You would either pull it like above the seam or just you don't want like the seam

Run it like it's they're clearly running right If there's one ball on each side of that He feels it too because he's like of course he does and I think somebody somebody was like I can see your balls on And then he was like or he saw himself in the monitor and was like, oh my god. Yeah Yeah Whoever said this Yeah, that's pretty great. Let's make my day. I love stuff like that Um, well, let's take a quick break because we got to bring our good buddy

Josh Potter in here to talk about the roach motel. So we will be right back in one moment And we are back with our very own host of the roach motel With josh potter you can find the video of it right here on your mom's house podcast YouTube page you can also go on itunes rate review and subscribe Listen wherever you listen to podcasts So great to have josh. How are you buddy? Hey, how are you? Good to see you? Congrats on your buffalo bills Ah, yeah, right? Yeah, man killing him so pumped. I bet you are sad that we can't go watch them I feel like I should have been in Las Vegas yesterday

Rooting them on I had that plan if they go to the super bowl and things are better by then will you go? I mean, I would love to go. That's like asking like Would you win the lottery if you could win the I mean, how would I get to go to the super bowl? I mean Like financially, I wouldn't be oh, no, I'll send you the super bowl. Oh, well, then fuck y'all go I mean, what am I gonna say no to that? I mean, obviously I would have to be there I would want to be there in some capacity even if it was like A circumstance where I was unfortunate enough to know you and you were gonna send me there I would go and just like be outside of it and like sure be around it

And I'm definitely gonna go to Buffalo for the parade 100% No, and I would hope they would want me. How is your sex work going? Are you still doing cameo? I've I've abandoned sex work for the time being wow Um, but what a shame it is a shame, but you know like every artist's rocko Um So many of them, you know, I just became I don't want to use the word board Right, but it is it's just a lack of passion. You weren't challenged Creatively not anymore. No, and I just I hear that some adult performers will say like

Oh, yeah, I'm shooting to see I'm thinking about bills. I gotta pay and I'm like, oh, I gotta go to the grocery store after this I'm like, oh, I don't want to hear that from my sex stars. Right. It was a concerning element when I was just doing it to pay the bills And it is a financial sacrifice I will say, you know, because the demand was high and I turned that down out of need for my own pride In my own not pride, but uh, just creative satisfaction. Yeah, got you. Well, you're an artist

Definitely, you're an artist. I will say also that If um, if I will send you to Super Bowl if they make it, but you the caveat is you have to take this guy with you Okay, basically fuck the shit out of you and tell you dot get die. Okay, and uh, get pregnant. Okay over and over That's Anthony DeVito. He's a comedian in New York. Oh, there you go. Okay. Well, you and Tony are going to the game Oh, okay. Cool. Yeah. So wait, what was his uh, his pitch there? Oh, his pitch is that he worked at a garbage dump And he you could go to his RV. It does look like Anthony DeVito Whoa That's poor man, right? But he's getting the brakes fixed on his RV

So he's sending you to it. He said you can come to his tent And I won't be in my RV because I'm gonna get it done Friday The brakes on it. You'll have to come and see me in my tent And I'll fuck the living shit out of you and make you a fucking dump Cool. At least some color on you and a pair of handcuffs I got sitting here in the RV and I'll fuck the living shit out of you Up your ass in your cut in your tits Make you swallow my 10 inch. Sounds like he's really making up for lack of RV. You know, he's like, sorry about that

Sorry about the tent circumstance. But hey, just because of that, I'm gonna throw in fucking your cunt in your tits And getting you pregnant over and over again. Oh Will you do that to me? I think he can impregnate your b-hole. Yeah. Oh my god. Make some butt babies I mean, I guess that's a nice offer. I mean, I'd hope I'm gonna I'm just gonna say, you know what man? I'll call you when the RV's ready. How's that sound? You know what I mean? This would be a crazy Like a contest that they'll never get thrown But it would be great that if they could line up fans of like a team like a like a super fan

Like you want to go see your favorite team playing. They're like, yeah, it's like, okay. You got to meet this guy in his tent and He's gonna put a dog collar on you and cuff you and fuck you in your ass and then you go to the super bowl I see how many people are like, I'm in. I had so many radio contest ideas like that back in the day. I mean We did uh, there was a station in town that used to do a thing called the bogeo And it was like a geo tracker that they made like seven people sit in during the county fair for like two weeks and the last person To exit the bogeo Would win it. Do you know what I mean? So meaning they'd have to stay at the county fair for two weeks inside of the

The geo they could come out like on breaks and stuff like that So people from the people from all over would come to the fair to see the bogeo And look at the people in the geo and see who's gonna win it and things like that and I always pitch the idea Let's do a bogeo But let's put a plant in the in the in the contest where they're a real maniac Like they're just jerking off all the time And they're fucking they're like a homeless. They're like, do you guys like crack? You know like that kind of thing and then that will get people to leave more

Expeditiously, I would imagine oh for sure and then we give this hobo a fucking geo. I think that would be nice It would be like I like that idea a lot humanitarian and also but they turned it down What did you win if you survived you won the car the car? Okay, right a bogeo you win the geo tracker in the car Yeah, and then they really cool thing if you give it to a guy like that And and then you're like now you have this asset They're like, well, I need money. Well, and then you can be like I'll give you $500. He'd be like, all right the little the little dark side of radio contests is

oftentimes our words would win things like that and They would then be confronted with the position you owe taxes on this And they would no longer be able to accept the prize. Oh my god happen all the time. It would happen a lot. Yeah And even if like the taxes were like minimal I mean and some of those prizes you'd have to really start putting a ceiling on the prizes because you knew people weren't going to be able to pay Taxes on something that you couldn't give away a fucking

Coontage or some shit like that because you know what? I mean, you're giving away a civic You know what? I mean, that's why it's and what would they how much would the taxes work out to I don't know I mean, I don't know anything about finances or taxes, but I know it's a hefty amount of change a few thousands Dollars, you know, yeah, and then we like I thought I wanted though. Yeah. Yeah, but I won this Yeah, it's free, right? You said free even on trips and shit. You know, you got to pay some prize tax. Yeah Nah, bro. Nah, but I don't pay those anyway. And you're like, well, we can't give it to you Um, isn't it weird to listen to traditional radio now? Yeah, it's sad now because it's all like it's not really happening when you're listening to it

Like it used to and that was always the most fun part about it Was that you just like would come across something and you'd be like, wow, this guy sounds like a fucking maniac And you know, he's somewhere in a room doing it in that moment And you could call in and and you'd hear people calling in and interacting and that's something that's like Gone essentially, you know, like that pure listening as it's happening or stumbling across something We don't do that anymore. Everything Netflix and everything else is destination Watching and listening and we choose and pick and click what we listen to now. So including the roach motel Including the roach motel. Yeah, there's no stumbling upon that. I suppose I laughed so hard at the

Uh at the promos that you've been putting out So like what what's going like tell people about what you're doing. I don't know. Uh, no No, I'm doing uh, I'm just doing a show. I mean, yeah, like I would normally I mean, there's news There's I think the most important news that doesn't necessarily get covered by the msm Out there the lamestream media the fake news media Uh, and also, I mean some people don't like the fact that I talk about sports I talk about them because it's a piece of fabric in my life But I talk about it in a way that I don't think if you don't watch any sports at all

You'll still I think it's not like a sports show. I mean like X's and O's for instance like in the recent promo You had um any Guess which nfl quarterback raped or was accused of rape and then yes, and you had images of of people and he picked Russell I left so Like the most christian Goody-dooshoes guy in the nfl I've uh, I've now uh now Russell Wilson. I think I've just been noticing people have been coming across his new nickname is now Sussell wilson because any considered him looking sus

That was his accusation of him, but yeah any any the great part about having any Produced the show is that any doesn't know about anything for the record He's he knows about a lot of stuff that you know happens and conducts I say this he's like a genius if you need him to google about parts of a camera Or like a computer or something all can do all of that But if you ask him who like opera is he's like i've dude i'd ever He doesn't know anybody I had him google matlock Yeah, he googled a man named mat space l o c k

Well, that's before it's time to well sure. I know I know I just turned 19. I had to uh, Yeah, so I have to remember that when I'm you know asking for googling and things like that But that makes a part of the fun too, so any doesn't know anything about sports either And so I don't think it hinders your ability to listen to the show. No, it's not sports center though. No, um I wish I was like maybe you'll find cool things like this Every day I wake up to the same craving And it feels just like I am enslaving Myself

And everybody tells me don't And I would if I could but I can't so I won't And I would if I could but I can't so I won't Dumented By all the love I gave won't be your love slave though it's you I crave I am renegade I'm gonna be the first person ever to break away from you Wow, that was really good Well, you guys know what to do

Guys, we even have to say it. Oh, I didn't even get to the end of the song. Oh And I would if I could but I can't so I won't And I would if I could but I can't so I won't break away break away from you break away break away

from you Yeah Well, first of all, I'm not uncomfortable. I want to start with that And secondly, I was like lulled to sleep. I was I like to spin the pause. I like to find the positive You do that's what I know about you. So sir. I would like to tell you Got a nice body Dude, he does right? That's all I was thinking about. I'm like I can sing whatever he wants. Yeah, look at chest I mean he'll after he does this embarrassing bullshit. He's like, all right, I'm gonna do 10 lats now or whatever the fuck

You guys want to see 300 push-ups in a row? Yeah. Yeah, okay I'm wondering what around his neck. Is that for a masturbation? It is a it is a collar of sorts Yeah, I think it's just part of his frontman look. Yeah whip. Oh, you know very rob helford. Oh, it's a it's a whip Yeah, yeah He looks like he could be A slave or a dom. Yeah, right Right, that's very versatile of him that you don't it's kind of a hidden meaning

Right, or or just a cool singer. I think he's just I think he might be a relic of the 80s metal like the Judas priest type lane a relic or is he restarting? He's trying to revive it Now, what do you think like he puts this out? Let's say on the talk or something Like do you think it's an influx of like baby you can sing and I want to come and meet you Like do you think he's getting fan comments and if it's on the talk, but he's getting a certain demo Yeah, let's see this. I think we've gotten I'd like to see the rest of his work because I feel like there was a lot of He did get a little hard there for a second. It was this was his Love ballad. I want to see real frontman energy, right? You can tell he's worked on his body

So he's definitely just out there in front of the mic like holding it like fucking Yeah, you know what? I mean, I want to see him really rock out with a band And get a full breath of his talents. Guys, you know what you guys I feel like right now We're starting our own America's Got Talent. It is right. This is the voice. I would have turned my chair around Actually, I probably in the if this were the voice I wouldn't have turned my chair around and then I would have regretted I've been like, well, you didn't tell me about your abs, bro. Yeah I didn't hear those abs when I was what would this show be called though because uh Tech talk rock. Uh, tech talk rock. Um, the internet's got talent

I like this idea of us finding the next Sitar the next singing the next star singer. Yeah, because we know had acupuncture no more that guy came from here Machines within you know, it would be Battle of the talks It would actually be more beneficial if we were to look at them before we heard them sing and judge them based off They're like the opposite of the voice where it's like now, you know what? I'll turn the chair around and listen to you How about that? That'll be that's like the choice to make the sanity test. Yeah. Yeah. Do you look crazy?

Yeah, how's your camera angle? You do all the tech the checks and then you go, all right I'm gonna turn my chair around and give this guy a listen. Do you remember, um fed smoker trying to get a uh A car dealership to sponsor him It's easy to do. I've seen a lot of morons get a car dealership to sponsor him He I actually so a zolo put this in the phone. I was like, I remember doing a dive on fed smoker

And he walked into a car dealership. It was like, do you guys want to sponsor me? And they were like, you need to leave like immediately. Oh, man I was hoping he shot a commercial where he's like, are you a chomo? Do you need all wheel traction? Are you a scurvy bitch? Uh Well that pretty well put a little ding in that deal. Thanks a lot And then he goes right to the sales manager

No, sir Do you know who that might be? I do but he's busy. Can I speak with you just for a moment? No Is there something you can help you with? Well, I was wanting to see if you guys would like the opportunity to sponsor my car. No, sir He said his hand gesture and he goes, no sir. Sponsor my car not a car I bought here Sponsor my car My frankenstein piece of shit outside. You see that you want to throw your dealership name on it?

Pretend I bought it here vaccination for lap after lap And gas and parts and and that kind of stuff. Nope. I'm a race car driver That's fantastic Okay You know What's really interesting is the date on here is from 2016. I mean fed smoker was dealing his jams For so long so long before god took him down this guy's reaction is so correct His instincts were like get out leave. No everything. No, no, no, but also you gotta wonder that guy's busy. Everyone's busy

100% the correct. Yeah, no, but you've been a brinky dink car dealerships. You know that guy's not at all that busy He is so pretending. No one's busy. No one's busy. They're all like in the coffee room hiding His internal alarms of like have this man leave very instinctually correct. Correct. No sponsors from ford. No, sir How do you get sponsored by ford? You know, you should probably find a public library go to google and ask them Okay, okay Well, thank you. What was your name? My name is bill. Thanks bill. No problem. Yeah That guy is a oh that you should be employee of the fucking year for that dealership Yeah, I mean he even was like go to that was a quick little jab go to the public library and do google. He didn't even

Consider that he'd have a computer at his home right He knows Isn't it wild to watch people shake hands now? Yeah, don't you instinctually go like whoa, especially to shake his hand I mean we've seen it in video. It's not a hand you want to shake I still have a hard time with it. I go in for the handshake and I forget Yeah, I did that out the other day on friday when I was like, hey, how are you doing? And then everyone was like Yeah, oh, yeah, might be watch watch how they get him to leave though

Who's the main guy here? Oh, okay, I appreciate it. All right. Well, thank you. Um, no, I was gonna see if I could talk to the main guy about You're gonna have to leave. Okay Doesn't matter. Thank you. You're welcome Man, where's your name again? My name's david. Thanks david. He changed his name. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you That guy's low-key hilarious. Yeah. Yeah You guys can I see the magic doesn't matter for all your questions? I'm gonna go ahead and try to you guys to have no connections on stomach right now

I don't know. They don't privy me with that. Can you? Oh, she's not lying Okay, we'll have a nice day Yes, I bet they would get along famously if they spoke for a few days. Well, thank you. You're welcome. Are you upset or something? No, not at all. Don't touch me brother. Okay. Just get off my property Get off your property for what reason? Because this is a private place. Yeah, well, okay. Okay. Well, I was just And I have the right to reserve service to anyone. I was just trying to find another crown Vic and you have to go somewhere else We don't have any Just a mental visit was just to try to get another crown Vic

And I understand that and I asked you to leave and then you started talking to someone else. Oh, I'm sorry I just want you to leave. All right. Thank you. Well, that's why you treat your customers here for it, huh? Yes, sir Nice. Yeah All right. Well, I I've been here when I hadn't had a good time these days. I appreciate it. We'll see the whole thing on the internet soon Awesome. Yeah, fantastic. These are cam shades. That's what I give them They're very friendly Very friendly, very friendly until I got more than once a week. Well, I don't know why you even have to ask me to leave I was just asking for information. You're kind of a smart ass, okay? You stupid baby raper. Fuck

Oh, I really took a turn. That's how I did. Yeah He made sure to really turn the turn the worm there at the end, huh? The very end. He calls him a stupid baby raper. Fuck Yeah, he was smoking the whole time you pointed that out or you just have a cigarette He was just chewing on like a psychopath. Yeah. Yeah. He had it in his hand. He was like, can I get some into one crab? I like how he had his right there. He like, you don't want to trade this in Can't get a good trading deal right there. What did he think that guy was gonna look at as it grounded like, hmm I could take about uh, 2000 off the price with this trade in this. Yeah, we have we we have a need for parts So we just stripped this down

Yeah, I want to put our dealership on the side of that Chomobile If you're not a baby raper get down to Gabriel Ford So has has the um recent, you know pandemic evolution led to or restricted Um, your sex capades, uh, it has indeed restricted. I'm not able to travel obviously and I've been cooped up in my house and Some ladies caught wind of what that looks like

Not necessarily knocking down the door come on over there so, uh We had to make a few arrangements outside of Outside of that on occasion and uh, yeah, so I mean I'm doing all right I've kept I've kept up with a few ladies and uh, that's always nice. I think you've done really well since you moved Oh my god. Oh my god. Well, there was 2018 was Virtually like I reverted back to virginity. Um, when I was working in that office and just doing open mics or whatever And then boy, oh boy, I'll tell you the start once you had me on here. Oh boy

I mean really made up for lost time. So I think both of you of course. Yeah, happy to hear it It's our priority you both as well. I want it all I want to every night. I go help josh comes tonight Yeah, we've come close a few times and uh, I'm uh looking forward to further research as the pandemic subsides or subsides and uh We can go back out on the road again. It's gonna happen. I have dates. Um, All so so where where are your dates now? Are they uh, I have they are public. They're on sale I don't think phoenix is on sale quite yet, but it will be this week or next week. But um, November 15th phoenix arizona stand-up live

November 17th huntsville alabama stand-up live and then november 18th zany's and nashville. That's a great run. Oh, yes Well You heard it go see potter those are on your website. Uh, those will be on my twitter. Yeah on your twitter. Okay Yeah, they posted about that posted right at the top get tickets to see josh And don't forget the roach motel with josh potter every week on our youtube page your mom's house podcast youtube page Tuesdays 6 a.m. It gets released pacific standard time and of course rate review and subscribe to the roach motel on itunes And wherever else you listen to podcast josh. Thank you so much for coming by Hey, thank you for having me and thanks for the podcast by the way. We're so exciting man. You're gonna kill it

It's awesome. Thank you. Good to see you buddy We'll be back to talking about farts and dicks after this quick break We're back. I might shit my pants also Big news joining us now The writer and director of the opening act which you can see in theaters video and demand everywhere movies are available Steve burns here See you and there was actually in the original script a scene that was cut out where

I recalled a scene where I shit my pants on the road. Oh really? So it was it was originally in there and you couldn't have offered me that part You're in character today. I am uh, I am uh In the movie I'll start by telling our listeners and viewers that yes, you gave me a part. Thank you very much Thanks for doing it. Of course And I remember he was filming it just about I was about to go into labor any minute with our second child And so it was just like oh my god, please come back home and yeah, I was like I was I was on set Getting a blowjob in a field

My wife's about to give birth Yeah, that was the first thing you said to me like by the way she could give birth at any moment So just letting you know it's like yeah Okay, please like this. I know I was like I want to be a team player But you gotta do what you're like you just gotta come and then you can go. I was like, all right. Let's go Yeah, literally No, it was it was so fun. It was really fun, man. That was such a good time. I've told the story about how because um

Since I play I can say what I play right? I play a police officer and then um, you guys had the Like the movie la pd vehicle, which is exactly like an la pd like I mean it looks and it has the the monitor's computer and everything So one of the pa's was like are you're gonna pull up to this Set in this vehicle because I'm playing a cop And I was like do all the buttons work and he was like, yeah, I think so. So I was like When I was doing it Yeah, and hadn't last go in there like you are right next to a freeway right now

If somebody reacts to what you're doing right and ends up like in an accident and I think you're gonna shut down this entire I was like, okay, so where can I do this? And they're like, well, just drive away from the I was like, okay that because that's dude playing in everybody's dream Yeah, and you you had all the bells and whistles going you were improving over the speaker Which we didn't have in there. Yeah, and you were coming up with a lot of crazy Yeah, somewhat vulgar at times but that incident that occurred in the film Because it's we didn't put anything in the trailer because obviously it's a reveal to you know Who you are right right towards the end of it and there's major repercussions, but that incident

There's gonna be people that see this that go there's no way that fucking like that fucking happened to me I was in Raleigh, North Carolina, Charlie Goodnights And you know it was back when that club was the shit. Yeah, so you'd do the show everybody would talk about that club Before I ever played it. I'd hear stories deja vu was the other one In like Missouri that was so fun because it was like the the shows upstairs And everybody goes downstairs to the party And there was a bar and dance floor like like that deja vu. Yeah, and then you're like a big fish in a little pond if you're single

It's the greatest so I went downstairs. Fuck so many guys that weekend It was my tinesia I fucked one girl in tinesia. You talk about it. I don't talk about it. I don't talk about it I don't bring her up ever. I just bring up. You're like, where were you? I wasn't in you're like that fucking whore Is that like the ace up the sleeve that you Did you really bang a girl in tinesia? Yeah Really? Yeah, isn't that like a third world country? Yeah. Oh, and he didn't use a condom and she did heroin She told me she did excuse me. Yeah

Yeah, she was like, I like she was open about it and I was like, I don't give a shit and you raw dog. Yep A woman in tinesia twice a heroin at wow twice. Yep You deserve to shoot a pants. Yeah, maybe three times try to remember now Oh my god, babe All right, I'm sorry She looked like a drug addict too. You saw a picture of her remember Did you see the picture you did in the in the memory? There's that book. She's dirty dreads. She had no Dredged no, no

That is a different girl. This is this girl did not have another drug addict different whore. Yes There's no dreads on this girl and she smelled like patchouli and she didn't smell good And she had armpit hair. Oh Really, you were hungry You were hungry man. Yeah, you had to be hungry like the wool. It was a chained up jyd Someone let him look someone unjuck up that leash. He just went after the first thing you saw. That's true Really armpit hair. I mean, I wasn't into it, but I noticed it Yeah, she was sitting by the pool in a leather bathing suit. Excuse me. Yeah

So you're not at sandals in Tunisia Like a leather thong and leather top and I was like you were in leather In Africa by the pool It's insane. It's not very poor. Yeah. How did you strike it up? Yeah, and it didn't her box smell because leather's not very porous. Well, we didn't it wasn't like right there by the pool I was like, let me lap it up She she sounds stinky. She probably didn't shower before you guys hooked up. I'm yes. No, she was clean She was clean. She got mad when I didn't come inside of her. Oh, Jesus Christ, dude

I think that's why we that's why we did it a second time. I had to give her what she wanted Am I even a woman? Do you even see me? It was a long time ago. It was a long time ago. My god That was jerry jerry jerry I can't tell you something steve is that I've known him for a million years And just now this year all these stories are coming out and he's been very secretive for the last 15 years as you should be Yeah, and now it's like I don't give a fuck. We're two babies deep in the game. Fort Knox is open Yeah, there's a global pandemic. All right. Is that what is is that what it is? Your mortality is facing you

I want to tell you That's I appreciate the openness you both have because my wife I've never I don't think I've ever posted a picture of her because I want to protect her in case some dirt bags like He's a fucking anti-semitic. He hates women. He hates, you know, and I just don't want her to get that shit And then you guys like nope. It's just like, oh, you think my axe bad? What's some of this shit? Yeah Send a link. Yeah, either of you Yeah

I know I I yeah, that's true But that's fun, isn't it? That's when you had the best promo poster I remember I was in San Diego and you know, they always make those promo posters Yeah, and yours was the one the only promo poster that made me laugh Really? You had the black like v-neck t-shirt and you were just sticking your your stomach out. Yeah, you were not pregnant at the time No, my no, I was just fat because I'd gained weight on the road. Yeah, and she looked gorgeous and then Thank you. Thank you. By the way, and I I was a fat model before

Other other people did it. Do you know what I mean? Like I I put it out there. It was it was early. You were the first. That was the first I was the pioneer and then it became heck and then other people did it. I'm not gonna say who but yeah, Bert Yeah, I was the first one there. Yeah I stole Bert's act. What am I talking about? He followed your lead. He followed my lead So your wife is she is she vulgar though, or she's a nice lady. She's normal. She's Minnesota nice Yeah, you know midwest. Yeah super sweet. How does she react to like, you know, the darkest parts of your mind? Oh

Oh, she like do you really think that? Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah The the time like my last hour I did I talked about her ass She's got a big ass, you know, she's not like yeah, yeah teeter anything and I just made this joke about her harass and then at the end of the joke It was like a joke on me, but I talked about it and the first The first few times I did it she said Do we really have to do that? Like do we need to talk about my ass? I'm like

Look, I got 60 minutes. I got a fill here. You know And this one does well. So please let me keep it and it was one of those where I know she was like cool with it But she wasn't cool with it. Yeah But that's when you can be like, do you like your life? Debbie like this house. Yeah, like the fucking car you drive, huh? Believe me that was that was in the that you know, you go over the light switch off on off on you like that Yeah, this guy this guy right here dick jokes. Goodbye. Can I tell you something to Cleveland? I know him so well I know what's happening. That shit that he was referring to earlier. It's brewing. Am I right?

What's brewing the caca? Yeah I can like a time bomb. I can read him like a baby. How do you know this because I Yeah, it was in my periphery. I didn't even have to look Did you guys notice that in the booth? I haven't looked at him I listened to Steve the whole time in my periphery. You feel it. I saw the movement It's like twins when I gotta know something or shit. Yeah, we had a sandwich. We ate some hoagies. God damn it Never order that again. Never a lot amount again. Do you want to go take a shit? No, I'm okay right now

Um Are you sure we can like my wife would never like that's one thing my wife and I we don't have that like you don't caca Not like no, you know, we don't like we don't I yeah, we do but it's not like Uh, I'm gonna take a shit. Yeah Like it's never like that. You just you just go there and make a call I just disappear. You just disappear. Yeah, but here's the thing about it If I ever if I ever fart in my house, yeah, I'll I'll go to the kitchen, right? Yeah, I'll just fart She'll instantly come over she needs something in the kitchen every fucking time. Yeah every time

And do you tell her say anything or yeah? No, she doesn't say a thing. Oh, you guys ignore you ignore them I guess we ignore you ever walk into her farts. Never Never I would say it if it if it happened, but I I think what are these relations? She respects me. Yeah I don't have any idea what this is like. I'm serious civility Like would you ever walk down a hallway in a hotel and fart crop dust and then let her walk in the wake Of that fart. No. Oh, he did that to me last week Oh, that was tuesday. Yeah. Yeah, okay. It was a bad one. It was it was like, you know a post Restaurant rich meal like where you're like this was like heavy. Yeah, and you were like this was quite a this was like a

King's buffet. Yeah kind of thing and I walked down the hall and I was like, oh you had a creamy dish Yes, and it just and it was creamy. It was creamy on the way out And she was like, oh my god We were at a nice hotel. Steve. It was a nice five star. What are you doing? I'm gonna fucking throw up not in the fourth season's asshole. You do that shit at the holiday end Exactly super eight you fuck. That's exactly what it was. So what if you did that to your wife? Would she say anything if you cropped sounds like I think she would probably she's like a mob wife She'd keep it to herself. Wow. She wouldn't say anything. Yeah, but later on she'd be like, what the fuck was that?

No, it's never happened. I I can't say we ever talked about it. Like I even when I when I rock a deuce It's just like I just disappear. Yeah, wait And I'm a shower guy too. I like I do it. I got a shower. Oh, yeah, obviously Now so you're watching a movie. Let's say you're watching a movie and you have to shit. How do you handle that? I I just I don't know. I I'm not that kind like it it was Look, I've been a comic for 23 years. I think I took my first I I took my first shit in an airport. Maybe like a year ago. Wow. Wow. I don't know your morning early morning flight I don't drink coffee. I don't you know, I don't get anything to get the engines going. So I just you never drink coffee

Never drink coffee in my life. Why I'm gonna drink alcohol. Love whiskey You never smoke a cigarette Never smoked a cigarette my my junior high school hockey coach chain smoked a pound of coffee And you get in your face and you yell at you and it was like the worst combination. I was like It smells so well, hold on. What about when you get diarrhea? What about it? Like Like you don't you don't feel guys. I have a movie coming out, right? Yeah Let's talk

Wait, this is where We're bored to me The opening act For his asshole There will be a sequel but I am as tom is generally curious. How do you have a marriage where For me, it just it feels like a big lie. If I like like like for instance, you have diarrhea You don't feel the need to be like, oh my god. I just have the biggest By eight and then you guys come here. How do you got to see this?

I'm proud of myself. Not that but you don't you don't talk through it You don't feel the need to do like an autopsy and or to backtrack and see what happens. What did we eat together? Yeah, yeah, I just clam chowder and flapjacks are not a good combination with ice cream Yeah, like you don't what do you do when you have diarrhea? Do you hide it from her? I guess I just disappear and it's a longer shower. You know, I I always I always crank the tunes when I listen I always listen to music everywhere So I always listen to music and maybe I'm just in there for for a lot longer. I don't know but I just drove across the country with her and my kids and

Yeah, there were there were a few times where I was like, oh god. I I I should just be honest about this but I just kind of like Keep you modeled up and kids, right? Two kids. Yeah girl and boy girl and boy. Yeah, wonderful with two boys By the way, they're all just like fart and like my Like to ask for it and my your sea lion and sea world. Yeah, he all of a sudden he goes kind of poop on you Excuse me. Yeah, he goes kind of poop in your eyes No, and he goes kind of poop in your head And I go no

They poop on your back and I go no, he's like can I fart on you? This is like all he talks about. I'm like, I don't think you're gonna be a doctor That's how he woke you up the other day as he sat on top of you and he farted on your butt And he goes I and the other thing he did was he'll now he used to pretend fart He actually got up. I'm like on the couch Puts like strad like puts his legs over my Shoulders so he's like sitting like he's gonna get a you know, sit on my shoulders. Yeah farted. He goes. I just farted on you Thanks, man. My my kids

Like if I'm taking a shit, that's the only time they need to come back and then the fingers underneath like it's a zombie apocalypse It's like what the fuck get your fingers out like what are you doing now? Oh, I have a full audience. It's the dog It's the two kids the door is open. It's there's no shitting in peace when you're yeah the ups guys here Fingers go hand. Why now I know These two minutes my two-year-old. He'll be like I want to see your car. I'm like, I'm taking a shit He's like I want to see it. I'm like, we'll see it after I shit He's like I want to see it. I want to drive the car But we teach in the word dump, which is way fun in your two-year-old thing. I have to dump

So so fun. Um, so you know jerry nadler I do not know you see you've seen him on the news I believe is he a senator or is he a senator? I think he's a senator right jerry nadler is a senator from Or is he oh? Sorry congressman. I'm sorry. Okay. So you've seen him on tv A million times. You know, I've never seen him standing And he looks like he may fart and shit his pants

And like on this screen here. Yeah So you're proud to join my colleagues in introducing the protecting us. How you walk away so that we may Store these and other checks and balances that are so fundamental to our democracy and then right here. He looks like he's like And then he scoots over I've never seen what he actually well Congresswoman meloni. I want to he's purcing his lips The single chairman in acknowledging He bent in when he was talking and he stumbled this dude definitely shit his pants and the chairman's

Absolutely unequivocally a hundred percent shit his pants and there's a big dookie. I think And he's like I gotta get the fuck out of here because I just shit all over myself No, you say thank god that guy's got his mask on he moves like this No, he must have some kind of hip problem. Does he? Yeah, you guys are just in front of a guy that has a handicap when you shit your pants. You walk differently You definitely walk differently when you absolutely a hundred percent He's not he just has some hip dysplasia or something. He could or he could have shit his pants or he could have both Is he handicap?

I'm not seeing anything but we did see a whole bunch of articles come up that he shit his pants that people did ask if he did Shit his pants in there. I shit my pants On the road. This is this is the worst way to shit your pants. I I met a girl Brought her back to my room after a nice Cuisine at Denny's yes Leave her and in the morning go to do morning radio Go do morning radio. I get back to the hotel and I think oh

I wonder if she's still in my room I hit the elevator button as the elevator goes up sweat beads instantly permeate my forehead And then boom Yard sale on my pants. Yeah, absolutely shit. My pants have moons over my hammy. I had I had I remember I had soup and then like a burger and I had dessert. I had a milkshake Which probably kicked off the party with the Jameson. So it was like It was whiskey bad whiskey soup burger And this was the first time I shit my pants too. So when what happened like the formula you would give someone you want to show

Some whiskey have some soup Top it off with a milk. Here's your jackass. Here's your yeah So you wait you just feel the sweat coming I feel the sweat and I just go what was and then just boom And it wasn't even a question of like did I just it was like I 100% shit my pants And then all of a sudden the door is open. You realize oh god There's a world out there Then I'm walking

As the congressman or senator did I was walking back to my room slide the key in the key card Open the door. She's in the fucking room still sleeping. I go. Oh, fuck So I look down the hall I take my pants down and I throw it out by the trash can by the pepsi machine I run back into my room jump in take a shower Mission accomplished nobody knows I shit my pants. Hold on you took off your pants and your undies and so you were everything in everything Must go in the hallway. Everything must go. Yeah, everything's gone. I know I pull my shirt down like a fifth grader Then no, I take a shower. Yeah rinse off

Crawl into the bed and then she wakes up and she goes. Oh my god I go what she goes. Oh my god. I go. What what what what she goes? I'm so sorry. I go. What happened? She goes Sometimes when I drink too much, I pissed the bed and I was like, it's cool It's cool, baby She's like you're so cool about it. I was like, yeah, you know, we're all humans. We make mistakes She's like she's like, well, thanks for being cool because sometimes guys get pissed. I'm like not this guy You want to see how cool I am? You want to follow me the pepsi machine go to the machine how cool I am Smell that hallway right now

The opening acts available Video on demand iTunes and theaters. Um, but that reminds me of what happened. Wait. Did you guys still do it after that? No, she went home. She went home. She went home. She pissed the bed. Fuck that bitch. Yeah Yeah, I was at good nights and I went downstairs and that girl there was a girl. She was fucking rocking up on the bar Daisy Dukes cowboy boots like every guy was like, oh my god and She points to me and she goes you come here. I go. Yes, ma'am and we had some drinks and we get in a cab and

We're on a freeway We're on a highway. We're on a main road A side road then went a fucking dirt road It is gravel and we end up in a trailer and then all that shit that went down went down, but it was with the marine And did he find you? He didn't find I had to stay underneath the but he showed up. He showed up. You must have been are you terrified? I was fucking scared. How did you get him out of there? Here's what I did so

What what actually happened is the marine came home She's like you got to go and I jumped out the window I crawled under the thing because we're in the woods and if I start walking Branches are snapping. Yep. So I had to lay there. I heard them fucking above me Yeah, after you just banged her. I didn't bang her. I we got inside and we started making out She literally pulls down my pants. I go. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Like we just walked in and then all of a sudden she goes Oh my god, my My boyfriend's here. I'm like, oh Jesus. Are you she's like? Yeah, he's a marine. He's gonna kill you because I saw the guns

Displaying the thing. I'm like, oh fuck Pull out my pants jump out the window crawl underneath and I'm just sitting there And then I hear them play in music and within seconds, they're banging and then they're I heard the microwave ding and they cooked. I I thought it was hot pockets That's why I put in the thing, you know, and so I wait for them to pass out. This is in the Early 2000s. I didn't have a cell phone yet because they didn't exist. They just came on the market So I sat there. I think for probably three or four hours until they passed out and then I had to run From the dirt road wherever it took me and I took me I think another two hours to get to a gas station to call a cab

Two hours. Yeah, it was I was in the fucking middle of nowhere That's incredible. It's terrifying. It was so scary. So it was like And the shit the pants thing I I had put in so it was just taking all these crazy stories By the way any in the booth there. Yeah, the uh, the tanner guy. Yeah It's in the sun the diversity hire. Yeah. Yeah, he's in the sun all the time. He When he saw he's been to your show. He was on stage with you. Oh really? Yes sausage party Uh, yeah, you have me on when you were doing like a role reversal bit and you had a bunch of dudes on stage Dancing with a dancing for a girl like doing like a strip tease type of thing. Yeah, we're only a horse cock

Wow Name and he Chrysler was when I filmed my second hour special. He was supposed to be Uh, the guy that comes out is running a horse cock to dance. Oh, wow for the girl and he didn't he didn't make it Oh, why did he not make it? Here's the thing like he never I'll ask him for things and he just he doesn't call me back He did yeah, I'll be there for you. He didn't show up and we've taped on a sundae by the way And he couldn't he just didn't show up

He told me I think two days beforehand. So I got bobby-leaded. We have the last second. We have a very like, you know A strict not strict but we we stick to a schedule here because there's a lot of things being Shot and recorded and produced here in this office. Yeah, one of them being The podcast I do with him two bears one cave right and like like hey, man We're doing it this time and it's all on a calendar that everybody has and you know, we have to stick to it There's ad sales on them and then you have to insert those and it has to be on the release schedule. Well What and plus he's doing the road a lot during this thing, right? The only guy that like is constantly touring. Sure. He's like we have like a wednesday

Recording date and on monday. He's like, can we record? tomorrow And I was like, no We do your mom's house tomorrow. We'll do our show wednesday. Yeah, he's like, uh, well, I'm going on vacation and I go I'm sorry when He was like the day after tomorrow. I go. Oh, what about like our recordings good? He's like, yeah I just kind of came up with it now. All right. I'll see you when I get back and I was like, hey, man We'll have to like make up for that. Like this will lose multiple weeks. He's like, all right when I get back

We'll do it. I'm like, how long are you going for? He's like, I don't know Jesus an open-ended vacation. Yeah, you know, he's He's okay. I don't know how to describe the r-word He you know, we had done this jameson tour together, okay yourself Do this jameson tour and it was so fucking fun and he was so fun to tour with and I remember before we go out They sent us a case of jameson. I remember this tour. This was ages ago. Ages ago They sent us a case And before we went on the tour, this is two weeks before we're going on the tour. They sent us a case

I I was a beer drink at that time. So I never drank it And we show up the first day and Christ is like, did you guys uh, you guys get a case too? I'm like, yeah He's like, I finished mine already. I'm like, you fucking finished a case of jameson in two weeks. Are you fucking kidding me? He was dead serious It's crazy. Yeah, and then The first time my wife meets him My wife, we just start dating She comes she comes to I gotta tell you this other story. Okay, so

So we go to lunch. We go to lunch billy gardell burkreich or myself and my wife And this is the first time she's like on the road with me meeting other comics So Gardell is like, yeah, I'm gonna have you guys over for dinner when this tour is over and stuff It's gonna be a great time and uh And he goes to birdie goes now burt when you come over to my house I don't want you getting naked or doing any of that crazy shit you do And burt burt goes

Billy why the fuck would you think I'd I'd get naked? Why the fuck do you because you're fucking do it cuz because you do that shit And burt what you could see he was really like hurt by it and And then later later after that thing my wife goes does he just get naked? I'm like he's sometimes get naked You know at times We finished the show that night My wife's there her little sister who's like 19 comes up to visit because she's going to school there or something

And the show's over we're all gonna drink and christia comes out of the green room Butt naked and cowboy boots and a cowboy hat and and my wife goes. Oh, so this is what gardell was talking about. I go Yup, it's exactly it and I remember my sister comes out of the bathroom and she goes what the fuck I was like, oh, that's that's burt because she was in the show. She didn't meet him beforehand. So yeah I saw him naked within a few months of meeting him same Yeah, we all did and then we went on a trip together. Yeah, and he came to our room Yeah, it took all he's got naked in our room and now we were in bed and we were like, what's up, man?

He was like his thing is that he's actually Like you see him and you're like, I think he's fine and he goes i'm fucking hammered right now And I was like, are you he was like, yeah, I haven't I've drank so much And I was like you seem like you're holding it together. He's like I'm really fucked up He's what you would never know it you would never never know it when I first moved to la We used to go play home on derby at the at the grove So get a bunch of guys together And christ used to come like rent is easy and you know bread Ernst and everybody and it was right by the grove so we'd get

You know baseballs we pitched together and we just spent our days doing that and then we would time it out So like at three o'clock we knew the prices right got out So we'd wrap up go through the grove see girls with the name tags on to go you girls are from our house state That's correct. I went to kent state or whatever. Yeah, we're doing shows at the comedy store tonight It was it was the greatest summer. Yeah, so these girls would come and stuff and krasher Was the one like rent is easy played baseball. I dabbled with it. I mean that guy straight up fucking bombs krasher moon shots Absolutely, and that was the first time I was exposed to like how athletic burt is dude. We were just talking about this and he I think I can say can I say that I could say the archery thing right? Yeah, because that's it's on the right

Yeah, I mean that's coming out in a couple weeks though. Yeah, but it's fine, right? I mean he was saying how He grabbed a bow and arrow Recently and somebody was like are you sure? You know how to handle that and he was like I think so and they're like dude No, no, no and and and he was he started to play with them. He was like, I mean do you pull it back and they're like Just put it down and then boom. He shot a bullseye. Did he really? Wow God bless him. I mean he is the sweetest human being in the world. Yeah flaky though Yeah, and that's that's the static that I've gotten from him because because you I mean I'm sure he's brought it up but

I had initially called him And I was like, oh, there's this role and I like His voicemail still to this day. I'm out of the country. I assumed he was out of the country Oh, that's from fucking four years. Yeah, and I just I was like, oh, I guess he's out of the country And I never heard back from him and I just assumed I guess he's in Europe I guess he's in Tunisia fucking a strange girl from in leather bikini Leather bikini you left out that detail It didn't look good. It didn't look good. And you still banged her. It must have looked okay. It wasn't that great

Stop It wasn't she was she must have been cute. You were cute. You're you were a hot Well, she was like she was like hot white trash. She was like heroin hot. You know, I mean like you could see like the uh The the cheekbones like protruding like You know, I mean like you knew she needed help but There's the thing like the only way I knew how to give it to her You could go down a deep dive right and want to see what this girl looks like and it's always unfair to compare the girl today As opposed to the story from years ago because Roy Wood jr. Has this

Oh god, he had this girl he hooked up with in Tampa and we called her Tampa Tony when he told us this story And when Roy was on Sullivan's son, he she was telling everybody in Tampa, you know, I used to bang Roy Wood Roy Wood jr. So so it got back to Roy And Roy was upset because he's like, yeah, but when I banged Tampa Tony, she was like a buck 20. Yeah And now she's like 250. Yeah. So everybody would see Tampa Tony now going Roy. How could you do? Yeah, but it wasn't the same. Well, first of all, there is not a chance this girl's alive today. Not even a chance Definitely dead, but um Wait, you've been tested for hiv, right? I mean, we would know by now you know, you would know by now

Right, it's been 15 years together. You've had blood drawn and stuff and yeah, it surely would have come up Right Or he would be losing weight at some point right or hepatitis at least would have shown something there'd be a sore There'd be something you see me next month and that way like 180 What happened tinesia tinesia immune systems Shutting down on me. Like if you fucked a heroin addict in Miami, it'd be like, I guess she was kind of cute But tinesia that's like, oh, that's that's rock bottom. Well, she was german She was visiting alone

Traveling alone. Some of the locals were that's ours a lot. Jesus Christ. Yeah, a girl backpacking travel in the world Yeah, the locals the locals were putting an honor the move on her and they're very aggressive the local Arab men and she was kind of scared, you know So you how did you get her then? I didn't I don't know. I just You know put her on a camel. I was like shut up That was the first time he bought heroin. I know I know we bought drugs there, which was so dumb What are you? Crazy, I know so 21 so dumb you could put in present for life. Oh, yeah, those those Arab countries don't play

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, what did you buy? I thought it was weed. It was just some type of hash I don't know. It was something it was they gave me so much of it. And then I just gave it to her. I was like, you're drug addict God damn I have to say I am glad we hooked up in our 20s when we were both young because I don't know how many more of these Stories I can handle. What do you mean? It's the same story. Yeah, but you know, I'm kind of the same story just different people right just the story gets richer and more Textured every time I hear it like you mean worse. Yeah worse. These stories are getting worse like oh, leather bikini She's backpacking across Europe just begging strangers

Yeah, I mean I'm trying to think of like that's the worst one harry arm pits. I know your worst one Your friend's mom. Oh, oh, Jesus. What now my friend's aunt. Yeah Oh, wow, I mean like picture your friend's aunts No, that's what you look like Yeah, in Pittsburgh. I'm yeah I'm trying to go off Away from porn. Yeah aunts. No, you're not a real life. Yeah, this is oh man. You bang your friends aunt. Yeah How did that even happen party? Uh, a lot of whiskey. I got real drunk real drunk. How old were you? Uh,

22 or something and did your friend like I thought I thought he didn't know so I was like, oh, I was so glad That he didn't know and then the next day. I was like, you know, like when I finally got Back to my place and you're like that was deeply shameful, but it's a secret and no one knows. Yeah, so then you're like And then he called me. I was like, hey, what's up? He's like, what's up like that much? He's like How was your night? And I was like, oh, I'm hungover. He was like, he's like, yeah, dude, uh, you fucked my And I'm like, what? I go, you play dumb. I go, how did you know that?

He's like, how did I know? She fucking called my uncle and told him that that you fucked her and I was like, oh my god. Wait. She was still married No, she was divorced. She had two children that are Older than your children are now and then I saw their report cards on the Here's the thing that you had to sign a permission slip for them to go on a field trip the next day The thing that I'll I'll just never remember it was like that that face like her face She she looked like a dock worker, you know, she had like a oh she had like christ She like a deadliest catch third. Yeah. Yeah off shoreman. I like like a shoreman with just a wig

Like I've said before she looked like Jill Belichick more chowder. Yeah more chowder Anybody want some jotty you got those fish biscuits? Oh my god, exactly what she looked like What was her name? Don't remember and also probably dead. She was Another one. How old was she at the time at the time? Okay, so I was 22 I think you're so cute too. You kind of hooked up was Apparently I made out with somebody else at that party that worked at the office there I don't even remember her and somebody else to me. They're like you were making out with some other lady

Like some lady in accounting and I was like, oh um, I do remember I do remember that it was it was not I did not finish remember that you may be drunk and and super drunk Yeah, she wasn't very hot very not see this is when this is like I I feel like I'm I'm Outside looking in okay, and when you say you don't fart in front of your wife. It's like that's the gateway drug to this No No, I don't

Okay, this is the mozzarella sticks to the t-bone tomahawk So true And you know, we don't even see it anymore, you know, this is just how we operate. So but that's the comfortability That's I I do respect it. I wish I had it You can do it But then you can do it Steve. You just got a pot. You just got to push through you can do it But you can do it. Can you do this a lot of it was just uh trying to mimic our horses as best as we could Six seven years ago. I started riding actual horses and from there

I was involved in a lot of community with um like my barn friends And we discovered that we all had this cool talent where we could all jump over obstacles Just like a horse and all four legs. So good. She's really hot to be doing this. She's pretty hot But I remember Christopher reeve So i'm definitely not doing that No, and by the way, this is a huge meme on the talk. There are these horse girls who are Literally people who jump around I thought it was a pretty like um universal talent. I thought it was pretty much anybody could

It's important these videos online in about 2016. I realized that I was kind of one of a kind I was able to jump pretty high And from there I'm going to see how high I assume they're all white girls, right? Yeah, they've got to be white chicks That was really impressive. That was really amazing and you can do so much with this That's one of the things that's so great about this is that this talent will carry you to so open doors You can do there's so many contests for this. I think it'll always be some kind of like cool party trick I can say and I can do hopefully

Honestly, it really has helped my I was pretty shy as a kid and I think coaching myself online, especially in this kind of like weird and unique way I'd always show me that it's okay. Hold on. How many twitter followers does she she's pretty bad? I'm There's like 51,000. Well, well She deserves this is a community of uh, these girls are usually not wealthy like she is because she looks like she has a Nice house usually the girls that are out in the forest like these weirdo Fairy type girls that like to pretend to be horses. She's like the hottest normalist looking. She's cute. I've seen yeah In the future, I think it'll always be some kind of like cool party trick

I can say and I can do Honestly, it really has helped my confidence Shy as a kid and I think posting myself online, especially in this kind of like weird and unique way You're right because you want okay to be different. It's more than me 51,000. That's more than me I had like a movie. I had a movie. I had a tv show and I got 50. I got 50 That's fucking humiliating. I have to say show business after this. You should you should drop like a horse This is the most useless talent. I mean besides hold on. Let's think about it. Remember the guy we used to get so mad at Was it the spoons guy? Oh god. I know he'd be like

And people are sitting in an arena Like watching this guy in an arena like like a like a half theater, you know, and they're like I gotta quit Everyone's sitting there. That's really fucking cool Right this talent definitely beats that stupid. Yeah, that guy's a piece of shit Yeah, this chick needs to make like a dinner theater where you come It's like medieval times and you eat dinner and you sit in an arena and you watch her jump I would go to hooters. I would watch this like I go to hooters and get six of these chicks to race

Around the fucking restaurant. I'd fucking put money down. Yeah, I would love that. That's like a marital children episode Here's a cool trick too. You've seen this one. This is a cool little party trick Oh god, so he's like boom He had to know that was coming he got knocked. Yeah Wouldn't that be crazy like how'd you drown? Well, I was standing at the bottom of a water slide. Wow. I mean come on dipshit so fast, right? Yeah, he's stupid This one another party trick Oh, Jesus

His teeth have gotta be gone. Oh god. All right. Oh Jesus. That's really funny one year later Conquer that which conquered you right? That's what they say. No, he's back. He's back Oh, no dipshit nails it watch this guy. This is persevering man. It's how you got to persevere in life It's amazing Oh, you set that up. I was like, oh good for him. Good for him. Nope. Fuck face Yeah, tom is the master of setting up these clips. Oh god Oh, shit. That was really funny. Pretty cool. By the way, I've never seen a vending machine with candy I know you just an m&m machine. I've never seen that. Are they that popular? I guess so

How much would you love that vending machine in that hotel that you stayed at? That you shit on that you threw your diarrhea pants at You need some m&m's while you're at it Yeah, well, actually I heard that the diarrhea pants if you raise it up a flagpole. It's the official flag of tenetia Do you want to be do you want to be slightly uncomfortable? Do you want a shit dump place? Do you want a nightmare? God have you been to these places? Have you done like gigs in parts of Africa?

Well, I mean, I've done us so tours where you're in the Middle East and you're just like Fighting for Oil stuff. Yeah, it's really bad. I know but the um I always feel bad for female entertainers Oh, yeah over there because there is no like self-awareness like like if we see an attractive woman you you kind of respectful and you know You try not to be a construction worker, but them over there. They don't give a shit They will ogle you and talk shit about you and yeah, you're a pork chop You're just a walking pork chop

But here's the deal is that I went with two girls that like to dress girly and feminine and wear perfume so they were The decoys and they go out and like they would smell nice and pretty and then I would dress like a bull dike and I was just there to do stand up and be nice And that's how you got them Um, you want to you want to feel weird always Do you want to feel weird? I've gotten a couple of requests to make a demonstration video of

My shoelace trick for buttoning up tight jeans. You guys out there. We like to wear your jeans tight like I do Oh, yeah, I like very tight guys and girls. There's but mostly guys a lot of women wearing their jeans pretty tight Yeah, these days too. Um, you'll know that it can be a pain in the finger to Button up and zip up a pair of tight jeans. Right. So anyway, my trick yeah resolves that issue Okay, thank god. Okay, we're waiting for something like this Oh my god This man does this

It's real. Oh god. Yeah, this is real How tight are these fucking jeans? They're so he's a ymh fan. Yeah Whoa, he did it all it is Is you're taking shoelace. This is just a regular Shoelace putting it through the button hole and wrapping it around. Oh, come on. Oh, I don't need that you pull

Really tight like you're so tight. Oh That's actually very clever that though. I don't like to see the the new jersey border Yeah, you know, I mean where he trims. I don't need to see that. I don't like that I should do this video just like he did and you see my gut like spilling Over the button and they're like, where's the button? You're like, hold on. I gotta lift this up in here This is for all the mommies watching what those are pliers. Oh Where's his dick and balls? They're under the jeans

Oh My god, how do you do that with dick and balls? So if you like this video and it helped you, yeah hit the like button And if there's enough response, maybe I'll make a part two. Oh, please don't some more tight jean tips and tricks. I mean Did his shirt have to be off? I don't know He totally could have done that with a shirt off. Here's the good news Enough people did like and respond and comment really so we lucked out Oh, come on

Come on Come on One wonderful video, sir. Thank you. Oh I'm gonna lie down and point my toes. Well, I watch this again, please replay Just jeans in the shower Jeans in the shower. Hey, some people love your mom's house and some people love love. This is a real fan This guy wears a high and tighten wet. That's what we're all about. High tighten wet. Jesus christ Let me ask you because I mean, I'm fortunate enough to have been a part of the film

But I mean, obviously, I know it's based on your story. I know I know but I really am curious How did you it's such people don't realize how improbable it is to get a movie made sure so like Did you have the script and you just send it to Somebody to read it. So here's what this my show got canceled And my my phone was never ringing off the hook even when I was on the air So it was just like, all right Well, I guess the only way anything's gonna happen is if I write something and I was on the road Just kind of like, you know back in the clubs and I was like, well, what's the one thing I'd want to see?

And I never saw a great film about stand-up. I've never seen one I've seen films that have stand-up in it. Yep, but not just about stand-up So I thought, all right, that's what I'll try to write and I wrote it And I gave it to Vince Vaughn good friend and I said, could you read this and just tell me I did this as an exercise To just see if I could write something and he called me like a month or two later He's like, there's good bones here. I think we can do something with this and I'd go on the road and then Monday I'd meet with Peter and Vince They'd give me notes and then Wednesday through

Saturday I'd be on the road working and I just work on the script and I did that for eight months And then we got in a good enough shape where they thought eight months Eight months. Yeah, and I think if I lived here and I wasn't traveling Oh, right a little sooner, but But then they they were like, all right, I think we can get this done and then Within like a month they got financed and then Vince goes, all right, we're gonna make this What do you want to do? Do you want to be in it? I said, well, I'm too old to be The emceeing feature and I'm too young to be the headliner like visually

So I said, I'm just I'm happy it's being made man. I'm fucking like this is great He goes, well, why don't you direct it? I was like, well, I never directed anything before he goes. It's your story. You'll direct it I go, I'll direct it and so just like that just like that. So I read I read directing for dummies, ilaya kazan. I read all the books. I could I took the master classes and It will never ever Get you prepared for an actual. Oh, I I said, you know

In over my head, but But the cast and crew were great and I the first thing I told everybody the first day I go Look, it's my first time. I'm gonna be completely honest with you. I don't know everything about the lights I don't know everything about the cameras, but I know everything about this story So just be patient with me and I'll do my best and I think that won me A little sympathy different than being like, I fucking know what I'm doing dickheads. Yeah Action It wasn't anything like but Eva I even forgot to say action

the very first take we're sitting there and Peter Billingsley's here the monitors there Jimmy and Alex are there to do the first scene in diner that takes place after Jimmy does radio for the very first time as a comic and And my assistant director already is there and he goes you good. I'm like, yeah, I'm good I put on my headset. I'm looking at the monitor. He's like you ready. I'm like, yeah, I'm ready and I'm taking it all in I'm like, holy shit. I can't really have this is really cool And he looks at me again. He goes you got to say action Jesus Christ go action

So they play out the scene And and Jimmy and Alex the scene ends and they keep improving and Alex is on SNL and Jimmy obviously great comic and I'm I'm like, this is great. They're just improving now. Let's see what happens with the scene and Artie goes they're gonna improv. I go. Yeah, he goes. Yeah, they're gonna keep doing it I go. Yeah. Yeah, let him he goes. You got to say cut. Oh, Jesus Christ Yeah, the the the two things they don't tell you what you're kind of an eight-year-old would know how to do that Shit. No, I fucking you were in the moment, man. Yeah, totally in the moment By the way, it's super like I I don't know you probably got it past it

But like seeing Peter Billingsley and like yeah, like it's so right because he's the kid From a Christmas story and like so every time he was talking I was like Yeah, I was like that's that's Ralphie. I go Shoot your eye out Just wanted to say it like a hundred times and yeah, he's he actually looks Like still a little kid like a man who still has like the the baby face, you know Yeah, I I was friends with Peter for two months before I realized it was Peter from what

I had no fucking clue and I always heard a med was friends I met a Peter through a meta med and I always heard a med was friends with Peter Billingsley from christian story Man, and I was like, oh gee. Oh, that's Peter This is fucking crazy because he kind of yeah. Oh, he looks great when he has his little But he had glasses on too. All right, like on he had glasses on set But he said he's a handsome dude and um, and he goes call me Ralphie like when you mean He loves that. Yeah, but he's one of the he's done so much Yeah, like you wouldn't he produced the original iron man

What so I remember going to the set meeting Robert Downey and he's got two busts of the original iron man mask and He's so associated obviously with christmas story, but you you look at his resume like holy You've got a lot of shit man ton of shit. Yeah. Yeah, and thank god. He was on the set Um, because he was he was a godsend because again, you know, I'm still learning on the fly But I think I figured it out the last day the last day. You're like, yeah, this one. Yeah, I'm ready to do it Yeah, well, here's a clip from the film. Let's check it out This is me, um I had shit my pants in the hallway and then you're and I kept them on in the movie

Because we didn't have a good budget. What's the setup? Like, what is he saying that he's doing? Oh, that's nice right there Yeah, a little cock rub. What is he doing? What is he justifying like babe? This is just more gene footage. What's your problem? Can we always have him to cut too? Like I feel like I need someone's jeans. I need wet jeans Like I want this always on deck. Uh, I need to see some like another Um uncomfortable thing to watch. So do you remember do you remember this guy? Oh good, oh good, but do you remember this guy? I love the reminder Of course, some of y'all have forgotten

If you are my friend that means I want to fuck you I never have Yeah, I never have yeah, you are my friend. I want to fuck you. Yeah, and he goes I don't hang out people. I don't want to fuck I never have so he says it like it's an actual like a real quality You're looking for in someone. Yeah, you know like when you get a friend request from him. You you got to take it seriously Friend request? You know the gene guy did jeans, but this dude Did another article clothing you want to see what he wants to talk about? Sure

I have a question about leggings Or I should just say penis owners So I buy these and they look great. They do look great. They look amazing but My bear's to say I I got a Junk There's just there's the seam the seam is going right through my junk and it hurts. Yeah

A lot of junk There's a lot of junk. So does anybody know of a way to modify leggings that are designed for vagina owners And then put a cock pocket on it Yep I need somebody to tell me some wizardry magic About stitching and sewing stuff because the thing is drop your info in there if you don't me or whatever Yeah, drop it Help him out

He's so earnest. Yeah, but the problem is if you don't have Somebody make that pocket if you just have that seam Then you could you know, you could accidentally end up like this guy Oh, no. Oh, Jesus Christ. No Oh He just saw it on the monitor My balls my cock Ben pulled a chris christy there. Yeah. Yeah Opening pitch. Is he dead chris christy? Yeah, I will be no not yet. No, okay

Well, I mean, you know, they did the contact tracing I guess because he's one of the super and and it was it was just all these baskin robins in northern jersey Well, it's like Oh I mean, that's bad. That's just that is at least Ben's in shape. But man, it just yeah, wouldn't you though if you were him Just be like, you know what? I'm not gonna wear it Right like you put it on. Yeah, just give me like a shirt that says nypd. I would just go. I'm not playing. Yeah How about no wait?

No, it's the simplest don't tuck the shirt in right you could leave it out baseball It's kind of hard with the if you're wearing the uniform you got to wear the uniform But I just be like, hey, man, I'm just gonna keep my regular shit on and just give me like an oversized jersey or something You know I like that the headline for this is let's all take a second to laugh Somebody wrote that for him. Thank god. Well, thank god. We should make fun now. Hold on back back You would expect them to catch the baseball and try to bite it He's like was not edible

Back to the guy with the the beard who wants advice on the leggings if we may go to his image very quickly here Um, okay Because it looks as though on his eyes. He's wearing black Makeup or eye shadow Oh, you mean there's there is a almost like I need somebody. Yeah It almost looks like he was assaulted recently right Like there's for wearing those pants, but here's the deal man It's weird to think of someone with his personality kind of rubbing up on someone the wrong way

But with eye shadow the goal is to keep it on the lid not to smear it So he took his fist and went up with it into the forehead. That's not normal Are you saying that he throws the rules out the window? Because I feel like he does too he pulled a mad max charlie's there on Spreading it. Well, the reason he's asking Anybody strangers for advice in such a vulnerable position is because he has no friends. Yeah Because he's only friends with people he wants to fuck and they've all they've all left they've deserted it They all found out and were like, oh, no, no, I don't want to do this. Yeah, that's not part of the social contract

How did he get the string around the guitar pick? I don't know. That's the interesting thing. That's a really good question By the way, one of your own your old so this whore was a goth slut back in the day Were you like gothie makeup? Were you really blowing guys for so many years from the time I was 13 to like 20 So it's just robert smith. Oh Every guy she did a blow bang at the She what she what she blew the cure I blew the whole the whole band the whole band the whole band even old fat robert not when he was hot and young

Old fat robert smith, but you were super gothie. Super. I would not have purple hair Blue hair pink hair all of that all white makeup Trench coat trench coat mafia velvet cloaks in the middle of summertime smoking through her cooch putting a cigarette I just saw that house twice that's out of denny's. Yeah, shit on everybody. Yeah, that was me. That was the god So there's a goth lady in a restaurant of sorts of and the

owner of the place feels like Her goth attire and appearance and persona Bump up against who he is as a christian and a man Hey ball you want god bless you you fucking moron. Yeah, there's your tape away girl Tape away. Yeah. Yeah. God bless you and fucking satan lady. Yeah god bless jesus christ Your fucking demonic bitch get out of my fucking building. Yeah Daren told me who you really were and I talked to

Oh, yeah, yeah, and so did I So did I Fuck out of my building Don't give her a shit. Get out of here And don't you fucking step forward around my fucking business in the name of jesus christ your demonic fucking bitch I would have learned this Why am I demonic bitch?

Boston's baddest burgers numbers I look good. She looks great. That's actually really good makeup in here. I like that with the black lipstick and everything Oh, for sure. I did that a hundred percent. Here's the deal. By the way, I think that's pretty hot. Yeah, it is hot It looks cool as fuck. She looks dope. The thing is is that when I was goth I would have dreamed of a reaction like that This is why your goth is to get people to freak out and call you the devil. It's so rad And that's a thrill. It's the best. Did you ever have anyone come like have any type of you know, yeah all the time That's why you that's why you do it. No, but I mean you would remember someone yelling

Oh, not like that. I've you just had people be like hey beatlejuice Or like who's Halloween like you are satan. No, nothing cool like that. That was really cool Why am I demonic bitch Boston's baddest burgers numbers I look goddamn good. She does look goddamn good. Yeah, that's very susie in the banshees. Yes. That's I that's my face She had the yeah, I did that make up to it 15 I would have effed her I did a lot of that. No s that is susie. You're lucky you spelled it right

God poser weekender. Yeah, she had the That was the best one then with the fishnet arms and I used to cut my tights my fishnets to to get them over my Head like that and make the fishnet arms that susie had Yeah, what was a dream in high school? Would it be like? The goth girl dating the homecoming king. Ew. No, dude. That's that's like a nerdy That's like one of those those 90s movies 90s 90s movies He would have to change the goth girl into a normal girl before he would fuck her That's the key like alley sheety had to be made hot before the jock hood banger. That's right

But they secretly do you want to fuck you the all those jocks? Yeah, like tom was a jock you you were a football player You would have secretly fucked me In high school not so secretly. Yeah I love you tommy I would have taken you out to the dumpsters and given you the best Steve burn. Are you ready to talk? Let me tell you the talk is clamped down on me sharing them on my instagram stories They did uh, uh, they've disabled it for the most part

So it's become quite difficult for me to curate and to keep up the work I'm trying to do Christina is a big big tick doctor and she likes to find the best talks Not the talks They want you to see the mainstream media the real talks the real talks the dark lane the dark talks So these are some that she has pulled and uh, we just watch them and talk about them Look, i'm trying to do something on my phone. You tick talk lose your motherfuckers I hate you with such great hatred. You want a box with me? Let's do it punk ass bitches Leave me the fuck

Okay, please vote Please register to vote This guy's actually running for congress Um, what what motive that you just like his message? So I just thought that you would appreciate his anger And his whole account is dedicated to threatening people like this on the talk. Just that's it. That's his whole account I love a guy that lives within threats. That's pretty great. Okay, why but If you're a woman with greater personality, then hit me up on instagram. It's aunt flech

31 It's the same as my username on tiktok But I would take everything in the bank right now and take him to you want to go go fucking nuts. It's on me pal Yeah, yeah, he seems like such a sweet guy and he needs to get laid He does but he's such a virgin and he doesn't know how how poorly constructed this message is He just doesn't know he's just naive, you know, he doesn't know doesn't so tom. What would you tell him? First of all, I would say delete this post Yeah

It's so embarrassing, right? Yeah, good lighting. Nice eyes. He's cute. I'll tell you that sweet. That's that's right. He's adorable He's got a dick nose. He does have a dick nose. That's that should be his lead message. I'll fuck you with my nose Ladies, yeah, but it's too desperate Bars and sneeze and go sorry just premature ejaculated. I'm all right. Come on. Who wants to do a shot with me? I'm a party guy the funny thing about guys who go like ladies if you want to meet up All they have to do Is stop doing that and be themselves and be somewhat like if he was like I love You know furniture and he was like just did posts about it somebody would go

Oh, I see what your real personality is like right and be attracted to him It's too. But him being like just hit me up if you're if you have a nice personality reach out to me That's never gonna. It puts the ball it puts the onus on the other person and also like I don't know what your personality So what am I being attracted to exactly? The guy that either that says if you got a good puss no hit up trevor. No and there's plenty of those guys We have them. Yeah, yeah, I mean there's um There's actually like a guy who literally did that to the guy I don't mind if a woman

Uses me for money as long as she's willing to come on my face Whenever I'm here too Simple The minute I saw him start the video Like this looking down. I was like give me a fork a knife. I mean This is a buffet of delicious Like the reflective Sunglasses on very cool. Tom thinks that this guy looks like him. Yeah, I was like, I can see myself

Here's the thing. I don't I don't meet Christina. I don't have two kids. Yeah, I'm putting out videos like this every week I'm like, I'm on the road. I'm in Philly. What's up whores hit me up I would love for you. Yeah, you'd have to start wearing those flame button down t-shirts. I mean that guy's right there You really look at that. He's got two rings on. Yeah, he's right there By the way, that's a guy a girl in her 20s would go out with but would be surprised that when they go to chili's He says you can only order from the left side of the matter I don't mind you using me for my money and she fucking would freak out when she was like I set a picture of you to my parents and they're really upset with me

Okay, here we go boy. Good. He's back. All right All right There's good morning my queens above 18. You guys are beautiful this morning very lovely Take that cover and pull it off yourself and get up and Start the day. Come on. Put the feet on the ground Go get your shower Get you a nice hot breakfast

And start your day. Okay. No days work. You guys have a wonderful day. It's supposed to be nice out The king loves you. You guys are beautiful. You can do anything Queens above 18 You guys have a good day and I will talk to you later. Who is his harem like who is doing the bidding This is a a lane of dude. So is the guy who Like shouts out just all like women. Yeah, and he's like, you know, and the try and it is like i'm positive I'm inspirational. He makes the distinction of above 18 queens as in I've slipped before so

I want to make it clear. I'm talking to adults. You know legally I have to say this My lawyer's insistent. Yeah, but he's saying everything my mom said to me when I was like an eighth grade But in a very sweet way put your feet on the ground start the day get a nice breakfast and get the fuck out of this house You can live your life. You can live your dreams. Just get off That's my mom in eighth grade waking me up with the vacuum cleaner hitting me saying all those same things But not as lovingly is not he's saying it from a truck stop. So, you know, he's trying to bang some He's a truck driver. Yeah. Yeah Without the my queens above 18

Let's have fun Please if you're below the age of 18 Respect my wishes. Please don't do this challenge When you become 18 you can I trust you guys won't I love you all Okay, what we can do is have fun with this. Okay. Take an old white t-shirt Write king on the front or the back And do a video

Have fun with it Enjoy let's make some videos. I want to see them. I want to laugh You know the king likes the no bra look Let's have fun You guys have a beautiful night and I will be looking for the videos. Thank you king That's what he hears in his head. Yeah, it's like, thank you. I also like that. He thinks he came up with like something Interesting to try it's even more. You're just ramping up here. I know but he's like I got I got a whole thing for us to do

Just take your tits out and show them to me That's his challenge show me your tits And then let's have fun with it. Yeah Wait, who's having the fun to show me your tits challenge Here's the challenge. You know how you have tits show me Let's have some fun. Yeah, that's the kind of guy that would hear that his video was on this and then write you and go How do I start writing for tv? Yeah. Yeah. Oh Well, the first thing you do is you shout out the uh the adults

On television Oh my god. Hey, I'm gonna tell you a little bit about this, baby I've had her stored away for quite a while now and she is a bear just Hope I pronounce that right She apparently she was from the 90s before it became barrencher so That's exciting. I actually have original which is it's exciting And she's absolutely adorable

And I'm gonna add another one to my bearager collection. Um, okay. Thank you for pulling this christina bearager It's most of them. I put away in a rubber band My special one. So I am gonna order a new one. She should be here. Okay. I did order And she should be here by monday and I'll show you what what she looks like. Hold on Hold on. Hold on. So This is what she looks like You can see here. Oh, yeah I appreciate it. All right

So i'm excited To add to my collection. Yeah, tom. Why aren't you excited for him? Just be excited for someone else's happiness The way you were responding. Yeah, okay. That's me on the phone with my parents. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah That's like a conversation. Exactly. Yeah. Okay. You got the doll. Do you? Do you face time with them? Fuck no no because they never know how to work Of course ever and then never like can I see you and they're like, what are you talking about? You're like Fuck it You're or then they'll show me like like my dad'll show me his ear

I'm like lean more into the frame though. So I can see you you can see it on your fucking screw You don't see your ear or it's their ceiling always wait. Don't you understand how this works like plants you face? Yeah, exactly It's not and then she'll do that she'll be like, um, I'm not seeing you and I'm like, uh, right here But you're out of frame. Can you hear me? Yeah, can you hear I can hear you that's when I go to hell Yeah, that's what it's going to be a tablet and my mom and dad trying to FaceTime me Eternity of that Totally one bar. Do you say one yell at them? Do you like yell at them? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, me too. The rage comes out I can't do it. I can't do it. I have such a short fuse with I say the word

I'll be like you're the oldest dumbest people And then my dad will be like And then my mom will be like, well, it's very nice talking to you too I That fart video. Yeah You know, you see things all the time posted That's the hardest I've ever laughed at anything I've seen online and I'm talking fat girl on a motorbike like That kind of like where you you watch it three times and you're still like crying like there's no way

It's incredible. There's no it just goes on and then just do we Like it was Oh, yeah, there it is Oh That's like when you shouldn't turn a shark upside down they're in that perpetual state of shock That's what it was. I mean just her reaction. Oh god just amazing. It was perfect It was a slow draw. I actually here's the thing the you know, she's farted like this my whole life Yeah, and so she had farted once before that and I go

Jokingly, I'm like you think you got a good one in there. You think you can really cook one up and she goes She goes like let me see and she turns and I see her hands I see your hands brace the counter. Yeah, and I reach in my pocket, you know I'm all the powers of I hit the uh The camera button like we're ready. Here we go. Boom and like right away. I was like, let's see come on come on come on And it was like it was perfect. It was from the gods. I mean It was amazing. Dude, I I had companies hit me up

Right because we um, we threw all that like TMZ shit on there. Yeah, I knew people would like just I go I don't want anyone throwing their their labels on here. So I put my shit over I had companies being like, hey, can we License that video Yeah, are you serious? Yeah, and they're like can you send us the original? I was like, no No, wow Yeah, because your mother's fart is just for you. Yeah, it's not nice I was like, I'm not trying to monetize my mom's farts unless it's for my own benefit Yeah, you don't have to spend your gifts and see the t-shirt farting mom

I know. Yeah, you don't want that. Yeah, we did set up the website fartmistress.com that uh Where we told people to please like Plea for her to fart more and then I would send her the messages like look at all your fans They're sending you messages fans and I try to get one head. Yeah, I go. Were you fart more for us? Yeah And I and I was like for for money. She was like, I am not a prostitute And I go what about but it's real money and she's like how much? And I was like thousands of dollars um

Hello, this is brandy. You friendly neighborhood bogan I'm gonna start picturing up some more videos soon And get the bogan report going. Uh, here's a big shout out to mr. Trey Lee brown All the way out there in kareong and how you going son. Jesus christ. Love you, mate Uh, yeah, check out. I'll have the blog report. I'll have uh, Dave's ass report Uh, I'll have a lot more so keep looking out for my videos All right, and check out my youtube channels because my youtube channels will be coming through very soon So folks look out

Take it easy and look out for your friendly neighborhood bogan video All right, this is brownie your friendly neighborhood bogan signing off I just wanted the master of accents. Maybe he could translate. You know what? I'm so upset Looking at his mouth that I don't even want to replay it. It was like the rancor pit from Return of the Jedi with a rat tail Yeah, yeah, it was Oh my god I don't I don't understand how you can neglect your mouth to that degree. Well, it's called alcoholism I don't know if that is drunk. He's a drunker

You think so? He says Okay, what would you like a light trash or and what would you do if if his next but he's like I've never had a sip of alcohol my entire life Christina He makes it to you. He's a christine. To me. I've never had a sip of alcohol I'm gonna take a drink Join yourself tonight I am

Thank you. That's the woman you never tell a secret to that. You know She can't whisper. She's the fat retard that who the one over there Yeah, that don't don't point christ don't Right there that lady. Yeah, don't please Please kandace. What is that you think when you're you know people like that or you're like, what are you doing? Do I just told you to keep it down? Yeah, don't share that don't touch that. Yeah. Oh this this there we go always My kids good afternoon. My queen's above 18. Oh jesus christ. This is the king

I have a young lady here that is going to be part of our team That is going to do the computer work. Her name is Cheryl And she is going to be another one with jasmine That you are going to be talking to okay Hi, Cheryl Buddy She's gonna be doing the computer work. I get it and Taking you guys as orders. This is the one that is going to be ordering the product

So you need to get on my website and tell her how pretty she is And how much that you're going to appreciate her doing a good job on the computer work And ordering and orders have a wonderful night, and I love my queens above 18 Queens Good night So he has this lady convinced. He's like I got a pretty big presence on social media I got a lot of fans. I got this whole thing going and she's like and she doesn't know what the fuck's up So she's like, you know, I can do like html. He's like, you know, you could come work for me

My site take over a lot of people order things, you know, I have a whole I have a slogan above 18 queens and so she's just like I feel like I'm working with a celebrity right now Exactly because maybe in their town. He is a big celebrity. Yeah. Hey, that's that guy. It's always asking us. He's tits Honey grab that trapper keeper your dreams are about to come true Yeah, can you imagine she's like I work for that guy. I'm lucky enough to get the job I don't get paid, but I'm around him all the time and it's pretty cool She went in for the job interview like I gotta make sure I have two double a batteries because I'm gonna wear the good Shirt for this one and really impress this guy. I'm really impressed Jesus Christ tell her how pretty why would you tell the

Because hey, oh, no, I'm here. Fuck about lowest line. She ain't had a shit when I swing. Fuck this big. Fuck them all I don't need nobody here. I am Okay, he just raps. Oh, so here's the did you see the business patch? There it is. You've got it up That's the that's the product No, no one mark. Yeah Can I can this be the last one? Sure This is I can't believe this

I know I know I told you it gets better and better I mean how much of a blessing in the skies was queens above 18 And now I just keeps giving and giving and giving this guy's account is so amazing I know it's so good. It's good afternoon queen. Oh, no. Oh, no We got a mock-up shirt that we done with a marker just to show you what it's going to look like These are the muscle shirts And it's going to say queens above 18 when the printer prints them We just took a marker and marked on them

It's going to say queens above 18, but We're just having fun with it. So we threw a smiling face You have a wonderful night and enjoy the video And she's going to start laughing here in a minute. There she goes You guys have a wonderful night. This is what the muscle shirts gonna look like. I got it. I got the fucking concept Professionally done. We're just having fun tonight. Okay. You guys have a lovely night. Okay king loves his queens above 18 Good night queens So she's now on board with this whole enterprise. Oh my god

Oh My of the shirt business now. He's in the merch business. Her body looks like kermit the frog Like her tits look like the eyes and then the mouth. It looks like a big muppet underneath the shirt. Yeah Good evening there Wow So, I mean, hey at least he's capitalizing off this moment that he's having The shirt's time. I mean, yeah, I know I love that he explained he goes It'll it'll look professional when we get it done

But we just wanted to show you how it could look not professional So we drew it and with not a model, right? Oh, no. No, I I wouldn't use her as a Could you let your boobs hang for the promo? Oh, it's to sell product. Yeah Mission accomplished. Oh Jesus. Okay. I'm done looking at these. Um, what about the last three? You saw the cool ones Please all right. Have you ever had a pen pal? Steve

Maybe like in fourth grade. Oh really? Yeah. I think we were sign one. Do you remember where the other? Oh, was it was a kid in Mexico or something? Oh, this is kind of like that My name is Zachary R. Bezu a RBI z you my number is 115462. Um, I'm looking for some Um Pen pals maybe something extra. I've been a musician for 13 years. You can find me on jpay.com. That's jpay.com And I look forward to hearing from anybody who hits me up All right later Well, these are prison talks

See he That's the kind of guy like an interview like that. That's the last five minutes of dateline Right because you spend the whole rest of the time in dateline going is this guy in jail? Yeah And then you're like, oh fuck. He did it and then you cut to him and he's in jail. Yeah, that's what that reminded me of Yep. Oh, yeah, my name is keen st. Louis. I'm 21 I'm looking for people I could talk to you in past time with and get to know I get out of march of 2021 And I would like to have some good friendships for when I get out hit me up and show me some love

My idlc number is 128306. Why don't you tell us what you did? Yeah, yeah, and then I can decide whether to write to you or not You know, let's start my name is keen st. Louis arm robbery. I'm here fucking. Yeah Yeah That's a good job. My name is Jason. Definitely not 84925 Hit me up on jpeg. Nope. I'm single I'm a gentleman. Nope for pen pals new friends Or that beautiful someone Um, I'm a tattoo artist. No shit. I like trucks dirt bikes animals

I like spending time with my family So, uh, I don't email me on jpeg. I have some stamps. So, uh, I'll be impatiently waiting for you Oh, he's got a personality. I think he's the sexiest of the three if we were playing a dating game I might have to go for a bad boy. Yeah, if we're going for prison You don't want the mit romney fundraiser you kid in the middle that clean cut all american He's probably way dicier than jason. I feel like the ones that are you don't think are dark and weird Jason's like, what's up? What's up, doc? I'm going to do this shit right now. What's what? I fucking slashed his tires

He's fucking coming after me right now. We got a fucking goat. I want to see jason on america round I always want to see like a thug on america round. Yeah, if you could still be thug I'm having a good time on america round. Yeah And he lets his guard down just for a moment. Yeah, he smiles. She's fun, right? Just for a second he's like Yeah, you're like that was fun. He's like we looking at bag it. All right, man. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just you look like you're having fun Dude before we go do you want to see We played this earlier. This is a senator in argentina. It's on a zoom. I just I can't stop

It's so preposterous This person is like an elected official. All right, and he's on a zoom with other like Officials, right? And he's got a girl sitting on his lap and look what he does Right in the middle there. All these are all Oh I would love it if all the if the girls like oh my god and all the guys are like You just see them going like Um, I thought I thought he said putana puttado. I thought I heard this puttado

I don't think it's not like she's like end this fucking puttana. She's basically like you are not going to fucking believe Yeah, you know that guy the guy translating on the right or doing sign language Doesn't it look like the denver airport dick guy who sees the dicks every way? It does it does He puts out by the way. I asked nada for his info. He puts out like 16 videos a week. No, they're each like an hour. He's like praying the rosary for trump today Or like praying the rosary for this legislation to pass and he talks for an hour. He does more of the studio jeans He does he does and every video has like You know 131 views and shit like that still going still pushing for it still still do you ever done a deep dive on denver airport?

Well, this guy this guy we saw has a real Theory on it. Yeah, what have you found about just all the artwork is like satanic And then that horse as you go into it As you go into the airport the you know that that bronco or whatever. I thought it was like denver broncos No, and then you look and the they're like eyes light up at night It's fucking evil looking and then I heard that the artist that curated that it fell on him and killed him and then they Put the horse back up and kept it there. I mean, hold on You just know this stuff. I had heard about it from

another comic or two and then there was something on like on like history channel about how There's supposedly like underground tunnels and stuff. Was it this show on the history channel? Welcome to revelation unraveled This program is a continuation of my series on the denver international airport and especially the murals and the art Contained therein because they are evil. They are signs of satanism and on this program I will point out that many of them are phallic symbols I'm listening now in previous videos

I have pointed out that this is actually the figure of a naked woman and the crotch is formed by a bird form That's not true. That was chris christie Doing the opening pitch. That's what that constitutes a phallic symbol and in fact represents the male genitalia Please notice that the latin name for this bird includes the word in panace. Now that is not accidental The artist chose this bird for a reason And that's because the bird standing upright is phallic the shape of the sign is phallic And even the name is phallic. He's really into it, man. Wait, but this is what you're saying steve. This is yeah You're selling me on this now

I had heard it and then I saw something on the history channel about it And they went they went through and showed the different artwork and different art pieces And they said satanic too They were selling that that some of them had satanic symbols inside as you approach the denver airport by car You are immediately struck by this gigantic statue of a blue fiberglass horse Many of the shapes on the horse's tail and mane are phallic shapes and of course it is a masculine horse Next let's take a look at the layout of the denver airport It looks like a dick videos on youtube have shown that this is in the shape of a swastika

But there's one video that also points out that the outdoor baggage hailing area Is in the shape of a phallus. Let's take a closer look. You're you called it Now this photograph was taken on a snowy day, which makes this area actually a little clearer Up here. We see the testicle area Here's phallus There's no doubt that the designers of this airport had something other in mind than making an efficient baggage area Although this image is upside down. Who's just engineers. They were all queens Yep, he has a lot of theories on a lot of things. This is just a brief commentary on a new flag

Created for the obama campaign now up here on the left. We have the Official logo of the obama campaign and that's a big O which of course stands for him and below that there are several stripes Which indicate the homosexual movement in other words the rainbow flag And below obama's logo. We have two stripes and three stripes Which look much more like streaks of blood now Some people don't like this kind of perversion of the american flag because it is very satanic I guarantee he's banned in thailand. Oh, yeah, I guarantee it two stripes over three equals represent the antichrist There you go because two over three

Is the number point six six six Dude, wow, okay. Well, I mean and you came in now you get it now. You're starting to see things. Yeah, but I'm awake now I'm awake. Yeah, but you came in here just knowing this stuff Yeah, you did you confirmed everything this guy has been saying to us. Are you this guy in disguise? That's right him. Okay. That's right. That's me and I want anybody that affiliates with him. Please see me talk to me I'm making t-shirts tonight. Actually I'll be selling them. I just hired a woman. Oh, okay, great And I have a black sharpie. I have some prototypes that I'm gonna share. Yeah, and you're your queen's above 18

You're ditching the film just to focus on this. Is that correct? I'm going all in, baby. That's great. My wife is adamantly against it, but uh, I told her fuck hollywood. Yeah, it's time to pivot So to remind folks though, this is a huge it is so massive to to get a film You know written produced and actually now it's coming out. Um, I know it's like I took a lot of work So congratulations. Congratulations. Thank you both huge. Thank you for the part in it. I really thank you for doing it A lot of fun. I watched it. It's hilarious. It's it's entertaining. It's uh, everybody did a great job You have an incredible cast. I mean incredible jimmy, of course Kills it um as the the lead, but you know cedric bill burrs in it. Um, uh,

alex moffitt alex moffitt Roy, roi wood jr. Ken john russel peters. It's an incredible lineup Eliza Schlesinger, kathleen moffitt and jones london Chris porter. Yeah, there's a ton of comics. Uh, I'm just glad it's it's like finally coming out. It's been just, you know Just a satellite in orbit with all the craziness coming out. But yeah, but it's funny you You had sent me a text after you watched it and after that text It was like the blueprint of all the text I would see afterwards of the comics that were into like Loved it. It brought back all the awful memories that I thought it was over and uh,

Yeah, it was who played um, who plays that other comic part the alex moffitt. He plays the the feature the feature act God damn it. Oh, you really really Reminded me of so many People you meet on the road who you're like god, I hope I never meet you again Yeah, he did a great job at being the feature that wants to party that wants to meet girls that isn't necessarily He's like the guy the first day in prison. It's like I'm gonna show you the ropes Yeah, I'm gonna show you around but he's the guy. He's still kind of want to say but alex Played him in such a way. He was so endearing. Yeah fun and sweet and nice that it was written

To be like a red herring He was like he was like the nice guy that you meet and then 48 hours in you realize Oh, this guy's just out to clock s. Yeah, and he's not really here to work And then Narratively the story was to pivot for jimmy to start hanging out with sedrick more And what happened was in the edit we learned that the audiences were just like we love this guy We're so invested and we don't want to not like him now So we had to recalibrate some of the things in the edit to maintain

you know Who he was in the tone of of his character throughout the whole course of it. So Oh It was great. Um, it will be available in theaters. I know there's limited like theater availability in a lot of places right now Yeah, if you I guess if you live in a red state, yeah, basically you can be playing So, uh, so weird, but yeah, California. Yeah, VOD. It's all out. VOD itunes everywhere. You can write movies Congratulations. Thank you and thanks again for doing that scene because that's a scene where like you could send it to somebody and go Just read it first, you know, and you were totally game and it was it's such a fun reveal

It really is and it's uh, the repercussions jimmy endures It was a lot of fun to do man. Thank you for doing it again. Uh, our closing song feathering it Oh, once again by hen dog hen dogs and another mix. Okay, prolific. Um, thanks so much. Thank you, Steve Thank you guys. Thanks for having me. I really appreciate it You dumb son of a bitch You're fired, okay, you didn't follow pro no bitch Retired double agent there you buck buck face You a faggot

Hey, you're bringing on fire You a faggot You you you a faggot bitch. Yeah, oh, you know what you're fired, bud See these wire baby raper on your face You a faggot You just ruined your life You a faggot bitch. What's up there? Go mo listen here. He just lost your life. How do you get a job here? Fuck face. How do you get a job here?

Fuck face. Let's go. Don't be scared Burn the fucking head skin. Just a little bit Just a little bit Let's go when you're covering it brother What a rush Now that's a thrill motherfuckers. You like yourself on fire like you're bringing on fire Doesn't that feel great when you're feathering it brother? What a rush

How do you get a job here? You a fuck face. How do you get a job here? You a fuck face What's up there? Go mo listen here. He just lost your life. How do you get a job here? You a fuck face How do you get a job here? You a fuck face Take it easy. Fuck head. Fucking asshole That's how they're returned