Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 574 - Cody Ko - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: October 21, 2020

SPONSORS: - Go to Saatva.com/theshit to save $225 on your order - Go to Squarespace.com/MOM for a free trial and when you’re ready to launch, use the offer code MOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! - Get $5 off and ZERO delivery fees on your first order of $15 or more when you download the DoorDash app and enter the code MOM. - Go to Brooklinen.com and use code MOM for 10% off your first order. - Go to WHOOP.com and enter “YOURMOM” at checkout to save 15%! - When you purchase a three month subscription, Babbel.com will give you 3 additional months for FREE with Promo Code "MOM - Go to LiquidIV.com and enter code "MOM" for 25% off GOOD MORNING MY 18+ QUEENS! Tom Segura and Christina P start off this episode of Your Mom's House by discussing the proper pronunciation Megan, and then watch another video of Shaggy 2 Dope from Insane Clown Posse reading some more YMH references. The main mommies also discuss foreign films, their petition to change the name of the San Francisco 49ers, and the mommy that got a very cool YMH tattoo. They watch a man who can't handle a needle, a foreign coach slap his players, a cool guy cleaning his ear with a drill, and more! Cody Ko is a YouTuber, comedian, podcaster, and rapper. He joins Tom and Christina to discuss collabing with Dhar Mann, his time on the Duke diving team, starting out on Vine, and more. He watches a South Texas slush challenge, a baboon throw a monkey at children, a kid who got in trouble for vandalizing Halloween decorations, and some of Christina's TikToks.

Good morning, my over 18 Queens. Let's see those boobs hang. And what's up there, Chomos? Hope you're having a great Wednesday or whatever day you're watching this. It is another episode of your mom's house podcast, a lot to get into, incredible videos and clips, all kinds of stuff, and a great guest coming. It's going to be a fun day, G. Big day. So many topics to cover. In fact, I have a secret topic that I haven't even discussed with you. Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm excited to get into it. Lots of personal revelations and personal development. Also, before we get going here, real quickly, remind you that we are producing a new show called The Roach Motel with our very own Josh Potter. It comes

out Tuesdays at 6am on our YouTube channel. Please rate, review and subscribe to it on iTunes Potter, as you know, the beloved member of our posse here. And it's absolutely hilarious. He's really, really funny on it. Give it a try. I think you said the word incorrectly. It's a prescribe. Prescribe and rate. And also, don't forget our bevy of other shows here at Studio Jeans. We have Two Bears, One Cave, which you guys will buy time this air. Sorry, that's no live show anymore. That's in the past. That's in the past. There's where my mom's at, if you guys want to listen to mom's stuff. And what else? Dr. Drew After Dark. Dr. Drew After Dark, which we guessed

on. Yeah. Lots of stuff going on at Studio Jeans. Very cool. YMH Live will return in November. We're going to announce that very soon. We'll give you the date and all the info about it. But it's going to be a banger. There's an incredible guest already booked that I know that's going to make you finger yourself and just have such a good time. Just holding you and loving you and just put a hickey on your thigh and you'll just remember it forever and make you feel like you're the only one. You're just it. You're just it. You know, Tom, there's so many things going on in the world today, but I would think the most important topic is how to pronounce Megan or Megan. I believe it's Megan as does Nadab

and you're under the stupid impression that it's Megan. Yeah. Megan is the way to say the name. Megan is how stupid people say the name. Yeah, I disagree. I think that Megan is for assholes and Megan is for nice girls. Megan's a dumb twat. Megan is a nice, cool, smart lady. Sure. Megan is a piece of shit, cunt face and Megan is a sweet girl I grew up going to school with. Thank you very much. Megan's a dummy. Megan's like, how about me? I beg on everybody. Everybody could finish inside of me. I disagree, Tom. First of all, Megan is not a horrors name. It is. It is. If you say it like that way, it is. Megan is a horrors name. No, it's not. Megan is a nice girl who knows math and science. Let me clear

about something. You're a woman, so you don't know shit to begin with. Okay, because women are fucking stupid. They're all stupid. Yeah. So, what's that? You don't know what you're talking about. I do know. I do know. I do know. Can the Magans write in and let us know if they prefer Megan or Megan? I'm going to do an unofficial poll and I will find out on my Instagram stories. Okay. Well, go ahead. Megan's that we respect and Megan's. Imagine that's a Megan. Okay. That's a Megan. All right. Whatever, man. Let's start the show. I'm ready. Let's get into it. Inform Juggalo says, Hey, Tom Segura, invite me on the podcast so I can try it out with you and Dr. Drew. Four strokes with my brother is my favorite. Great,

more riddles. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura and Christina. Welcome to your mom's house. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What did you do that for? I didn't like where it was placed. Oh, that's what your dad does when he sits down. Yeah, you just did that. If you move his stuff, he's like my camera through a job there. Fuck face. Yeah. Oh, God. It's it's so crazy that he's dead because I just feel like as much as we referenced. No, I'm talking about Fedsmoker. Yeah, like panic. Yeah. No,

it's just crazy that we talk about Fedsmoker like every week. I know. Like, no, he's there's no way he's dead. I know. We're in denial. Well, I just know. I think he's still I think he's using Wu Han. I think he is as the he is. He is the Tupac of what I am. And I think we're gonna see a hologram of him soon here. You know, he might be our special guest in November. I don't know. It might be. Thank God he left us with just a catalog of work every week. There's just and here's the thing he had as some math users do at 13 YouTube channels. So you don't just get to go to one and be like, I saw the videos. There's just there's new discoveries, you know, all the time. Yeah, that's interesting because on the talk, I've noticed that that people have

multiple talk accounts as well because they'll get flagged and they come back. Well, they get flagged. That wasn't that wasn't Connell's thing. It was it was just that, you know, he felt the need to separate all his properties. You don't think it's that he just forgot that he had a YouTube account every time or he couldn't remember his email address. So he would start new accounts. I don't think so, man. I'm looking for that. Is that in here? Yeah, here it is. Hendo did that feathering. He did the the don't be stingy song that everybody loved that he did a fed smoker song called feathering it. That's really good. It's really good. It.

How do you get a job here, fuckface? When your father in it, brother? Why don't you? How do you get a job here, fuckface? How do you get a job here, fuckface? Let's go, talk, talk, and return. Peterson Connell. Peterson Connell, bitch. Yeah. You're fired, okay? Involved, brutal, bitch. Yeah. You're retired, no age. There you fuck, fuckface. Let's go, you a faggot.

Make your brain on fire. You a faggot. You a faggot, bitch. Yeah. Oh, you know what? You're fired, bud. See these wire? Baby raper on your face. Hey, don't have no party on me, bitch. You a faggot. You just ruined your life. You a faggot, bitch. What's up there, Tomo? Listen here. You just lost your life. How do you get a job here, fuckface?

How do you get a job here, fuckface? Let's go. Don't be scared. Burn the fucking paint skin. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Feels good. You're done. Let's go. When you're father in it, brother.

Now that's not real, motherfuckers. The light is still on fire. Make your brain on fire. Doesn't that feel great? I'm never on the right. Hey, fuckface. How do you get a job here, fuckface? What's up there, Tomo? Listen here. You just lost your life. How do you get a job here, fuckface?

How do you get a job here, fuckface? Let's go. Incredible. Sorry, I didn't mean to fucking... You know what I did? Take it easy, fuckhead. Fuck. What I didn't realize is how many catchphrases he had. So many catchphrases.

And also, his voice was capable of changing pitch so dramatically. All the different substances that he could see. What's up there, Tomo? And then, yeah, that sounded almost... He had a baby raper stamp. Yeah, you see these wires? It's a baby raper stamp on your face. He got a job here, fuckface.

And he also was like a chameleon because he would look dramatically different in a lot of these. Yes, yes, that's so true. When he was feathering it, he looked so different than when he was, you know, when he was straight-herk newsin' it out there. It was really something, man. Ta-ta there, retard.

Yeah. Ta-ta there, retard. But hand dog, killin' it, man. That's a great song. I know there's other songs and people, because I've asked for a long time about where they can hear and listen to these songs. So I know that he's put Don't Be Stingy

in this song on iTunes and some other great, great creators, musicians, artists, Fart Simpson and Grass Kingdoms are putting their songs on iTunes. So you can search for them as artists and find the songs that they create for the show, which I think is fantastic. Deserve all the credit.

Back to Shaggy and the Creep. So I guess people sent more YMH stuff to him because that was the opening clip there and he's trying to figure this out here, which is really funny. No, I see what he's doin'. I see what he's doin' here. It's like me saying that,

hey, Tom Segour, invite me on the podcast so I can try it out with you and Dr. Drew. Four strokes with my brother is my favorite. Is that like, he wants us to have a threesome and four strokes and all? I think he's talkin' about different strokes, season four. Well, he's talkin' about fuckin'

because remember he was talkin' about Dr. Drew was like, fucks bitches like crazy? Yeah, yes. And fuckin' he's like, so I can try it out with you and Dr. Drew? Like what, like a fuckin' dude three way? That's horrible. And then four strokes with him.

So two pieces at four total are like four strokes per each of us. Or do we each get two strokes? And then... I love his analysis. I know. Kind of sharp mind on this. He actually, the way he breaks stuff down

is how a normal logical person would. Yeah, it's really smart. Yeah. And then the producer jumps in here. Do you wanna know what that means for you to keep goin' on? Uh, what does it mean? So this guy gets high on meth and he likes to jerk his dick off

and he says that he has like the hardest thing that's come that he's ever had in his life. Full of strokes. It's all tough. Man, I've been so straight not knowing that. I've been so straight not knowing that. Might be my favorite thing. That was really funny, dude.

Oh my God. You know what's great is that a guy that looks like that is like, I don't need to know that. Yeah, I know. Dude's got makeup on. He's like, I don't wanna know that shit. Yeah, he's like, I'm good. My world is normal.

Yeah, you gotta get me... I'm straight not knowing that. That's so great. Wow. God, that's funny. Four strokes with him. Four strokes with him. I love too that the rumor is now that just Dr. Drew

fucks indiscriminately. That dude said 14... He fucks a lot of bitches and that dude was like, that's right. Like he's out there just plowing chicks left and right. Four strokes with my brother is my favorite. Dr. Drew is like, fucks bitches like crazy. We are ruining his life. Oh my God, we have to.

Dr. Drew's life at this point. We have to. We have to get it to a point where like, that is a well-known thing. Everybody just talks about how Dr. Drew just fucks bitches. Fuck. Susan will pay us a visit. Excuse me.

Why? Everybody's saying that. Dr. Drew is like, fucks bitches like crazy. Fucks bitches. Oh my God, me, it's the sweetest, most loyal husband. Oh yeah, he is a gem. We were talking about, because last night we were like, hey, what are you gonna watch?

And we really realized that probably the worst part, the worst part of this pandemic, worse than the health crisis, the damage of the economy, the deaths, the illnesses, is that there's no good new shows. Yeah, TV sucks right now. TV sucks, movies suck. Movies suck. There's a couple in The Vault that they keep,

they had to delay again the Bond release. So James Bond movie was gonna come out, the shot last year, it was gonna come out in April. And they tried to push it to, I think, November. And for this is like, these are hundreds of millions of dollars in these movies. And then the marketing's another hundred and some million. So now they're pushing it into April 2021.

What? What? No, do it now, when everyone's home and desperate for entertainment. They want that theater release, that's why. Yeah, I know. I gotta tell you though, is that I'm really upset about the lack of my reality shows. Yeah.

Forget these movies, look, I understand it's hard to shoot the films, but I don't want to watch reality shows on Zoom. I don't want to see them, you know, when they do like recaps and stuff. Oh, I know, it's terrible. So we got into the 90s fiance the other way, Summit and Jenny are back, right? Summit, I don't have any warm water in the house.

So that's been like one saving grace, but it's, you know. It's terrible, but like, remember killing you was just cut off, like you're like, this is the end of the season? Yeah. And then it made sense that, oh, production must have halted because of this, because it didn't make sense the way the season ended at all.

It's upsetting, it's like we're all in reels of Instagram versus TikTok right now. It's just so fucking disappointing in the world right now of entertainment. Yeah. And like, it's a good time. Well, like I'm trying to do my curations and not, Reels is fucking garbage right now,

and I'm having such a hard time with TikTok. Because it doesn't let you share any more of your stories automatically. That sucks. The world is just collapsing around us. Yeah. I'm just bummed out though that like no new production, so like you don't get a cool new show.

Although I will say that, well. Fargo is new. That's what I'm saying, but that was, that was shot before. So like that was in the can ready to go. Yeah. So that's good. I watched an amazing French movie.

It's like 10 years old last night. Yeah, I heard you. God, it's so good. It's called a profit. Okay. And what's it about? It is about this young Arab kid that goes to prison and he basically gets in with the Corsican gang there.

It's really good. I mean, I can't do justice describing it, but it's a really phenomenal movie. All right. Really, really good. And by the way, there are subtitles. And if you're one of these fucking dummies that goes like, well, subtitles, man, I don't do that.

Okay. Then just don't enjoy things. Don't get to experience things. I mean, it's the same type of person that you're like, Hey, there's a five star sushi restaurant. Well, you got to use chopsticks. Yeah, that's right. Figure it the fuck out.

Oh my gosh. Grow up. Welcome to the real adult world. Sometimes you got to use chopsticks. Sometimes you got to read during a movie. You stupid piece of shit. Well, I have to admit that sometimes I don't feel like reading because I'm too tired.

I just want to watch. Okay. I don't like the dubbing over. I think that's way worse. The dubbing over is the worst. The way it works, sir. That's the worst. I can't even.

I learned to read. That's what my first piece of advice is. Learn to fucking read. And then, you know, maybe enjoy some foreign language film. Where is it? Okay. I got to look down. You ever hear these dumb fucks?

They're like, you got to look down to see the words. Yeah. And then I miss what's going on up there. Because you got to look down. And I'm sitting here. I'm reading. I miss the whole movie. You're so fucking stupid.

I mean, really, someone should bash your fucking head in with a hammer. You see how virile and pumped you are? Yeah. You did weightlifting this morning. And should we announce that you brought your first sperm sample in? I did. Post vasectomy.

And it's very exciting because we're getting closer to busting nuts. I walked in. I go, I have my sample. I was trying to be, you know, polite. Because it's such a weird thing. Like you have to bring in your jizz. Yeah.

I jerked off in my office. With like everybody in the house. Yeah. And I could hear like kids yelling. It was terrible. But I get that load out and. But how many people do you think jerk off in the parking lot of like their doctor's office?

Like they're probably not supposed to. And they're like, I'm just going to jerk it here. I don't know that that happens. Because I am my dumb brain. I was like, it probably has to be really fresh. I was watching. So I wanted to do it right before I go in. I was watching an adult clip.

What were you watching? It was like a frenulum compilation. Frenulum. Yeah. What's that? Is that right? What's that? Then they lick the, it's a licking thing?

Yeah, kind of. Yeah. Is that the right? I look who I'm asking here. I know. What? Go back. That can't be right.

Well, I think it's the part of the mouth. Go back. Like that part. You got the wrong thing. Maybe frenulum porn. There you go. I've never even heard of this, Tom. Wow.

How did you even find this? It was just like, let's see here. Oh my God. What's the first one? What is it? Was it wearing a mask? So I don't know. Oh yeah, it was that kind of thing.

Yeah, yeah. And then they lickies? Yeah, yeah. Like they're going like on the back side here. Oh, okay. I got you. Yeah. Okay.

I think, isn't that the frenulum? Is the frenulum part of the penis? Right? Isn't that the part of the penis? Possibly. Yes, go back. Under the head? Yes.

Yes, it is. It is. Just put like, yeah. I remember that. There you go. Spelled differently. Okay. Okay.

Well, that's exciting. Well, that's a new thing. So like, it was like, they kind of like work that side of it. Sure. And then the guy by Gox. I love it. It was like a compilation. So I was like, yeah, bitch.

Yeah. Like looking at the screen and then I filled up a cup. Yeah. And then I took it in and like. Hold on, I'm sorry. I just have to know the details because I didn't see this. Is it a discreet cup or is it just like a urine sample cup? It's like a urine sample cup.

So anybody could tell what you had in your hand. But you give it a put in a bag. They gave you a bag. So she gave me the bag. I put it in there and she goes, I go, okay, here it is. And she goes, oh, you got to go see the doctor. And I go with the sample and she's like, yeah. So I go into his office.

I wait. I guess he's with a patient. He comes in. He goes, you got something for me? And I go, yeah, it's in the bag. So he reaches in. He pulls it out of the bag and he goes, oh, it's a pretty healthy amount. And I go, yeah.

Hopefully there's no sperm in it, right? Because it's just seminal fluid. Uncups it, puts it in his mouth. And I'm like, what? What? And he goes, there's no sperm in here. Oh, he can do that on taste alone. I mean, that's why they go to school.

That's why they get paid so much. Yeah. Because this is like a top tier urologist. Obviously. Yeah. I mean, how do you think they train? So he's got to taste so many guys' jizz. All day.

And then be like, there's like one or two in there. Or there's 50. Or he'll be like, there's millions of sperm in here. Yeah, he knows. But it's like a high level chef, you know. It is. The palate. Like a chef just knows.

Oh, there's cinnamon in this. And you're like, how do you fucking know? And they're like, I've been doing this a long time. Yeah, or like a sommelier. He's like a cum sommelier. Exactly. And he knows the different flavors. So he goes, come back in two weeks.

And he goes on that last one. You have to come right in my mouth. Fresh into the oven. What? And he goes, that's how I can tell. Yeah, fresh out of the oven, I mean. I got to like prepare for that, I guess. Wow.

Yeah. Well, that's exciting. At least you get your results right away. Right away. And immediately I'm going to come in his mouth and he's going to be like, you're clear. And it just drips on his chin. That's really cool.

It's pretty exciting. I'm excited. I can't wait for us to bust nuts recklessly. Because, you know, the only time we've really done that is when we were trying to make children. So this is really exciting. You don't have to have any doubt. There's no like, oh, because there's a few times

where you're like, we've done that. And you're like, hope it's all right. Well, you just don't know. You don't know. Speaking of television, by the way, I wanted to die. I talked to my dad and he's like, I got it. I had another movie recommendation.

So I tell him, I go, I saw this movie that I know you'll like. And don't worry, it's in English. You don't have to read. So he's like, great. So I tell him, I go, do you have Amazon Prime? And he goes, yeah. And I go, great. You can watch it there.

He goes, oh, yeah, I'll have to wait till your mom gets back. And I go, for what? He goes, well, I don't know how to do all that. And I go, it's right there. Just turn on your Apple TV and just go to that app. And he goes, yeah, I don't know how to do that. And I go, no, like you know how to do the Apple TV though. And he goes, no.

And I go, what do you mean? I've been there. You have the remote. It's just automatic. Just open it. He goes, Tommy, I don't know how to get it all started. Log in. I go, you're automatically logged in.

Like you stay logged in. You don't have to log in every time. I'll just wait till she gets back. And I'm like, dude, how do you watch other things? But like he thinks that Charo is going to have any kind of solutions is absurd. It's so upsetting. Why is he waiting for her? She's not going to help.

I almost was like, you know what? Like, don't call me anymore. That's how upset I got about it. I was like, wait, why can't you just do this? And he was like, I don't like that reluctance to like. To just try. But it's been fucking 20 years. You know, like, you know, like, I mean, I don't know how many years.

Seven years ago, like when, when my first special came out as a Netflix, because how do I get that? Like you go to netflix.com. And then for a year, he was like, how do I see this thing? I go, it's on netflix. He's like, I don't know how to get it. I was like, oh my God. So upsetting.

I mean, there's a there is a legit case to just wipe out all old people. And maybe that's an upside of coronavirus. Absolutely. I mean, we're so we're solving this. To lose them all. Social security crisis like that. Yeah, I mean, they said that like a lot of deaths took place in nursing homes. Good.

Yeah, I agree. It's fine. I mean, I think we should pump it into nursing homes. Like instead of oxygen, just pump COVID in there. Wipe them out. Just so that they don't annoy us with their technical problems. Exactly. You're so dumb.

Now, like fucking, how do I send the message? Don't just fucking try to eat that phone and hopefully you'll choke on it. Well, the thing is, too, is that your dad is not like a helpless old man. He knows how to send text messages. He knows how to do stuff. Dude, he was like telling me. He's not our word. I had to.

I talked to the doctor and they requested me to upload something. I don't upload. And I go, what did you do? He goes, I figure it out. I go, so you did upload it? Yeah, he figured it out. Yeah, but then I called them and told them I didn't enjoy that. I was like, you told them that you don't like uploading even though you did it?

And he's like, exactly. He didn't enjoy it. He's like, you know, who uploads? I go, everybody, all day, every day. We upload everything. He's like, yeah. And you know, there's a program written by some 29 year old. That's some super young guy, you know?

Yeah, yeah. I was like, dude, you just got to, you have to accept that this is how it is. This is life. And it's so much better with being able to upload stuff and not have to go in and do things in person. Dude, I remember the 90s. He was like, I'll tell you one thing I'm never going to do. Like he actually said, I'll never do this. I go, he goes, email.

He goes, I'm never going to do that. And I was like, oh, okay. Well, I was going to email you. He's like, well, don't. So I'll never, ever. He goes, they made me get an email account at work. And he goes, but I refuse to open it. And I was like, all right, man.

Yeah. But remember when email was new? Yeah, of course. And you were like, oh my God, I got a message for my friend. I remember when I didn't because I remember being late to emailing. Like in the night, like when I had a friend and I go, how do I go? No, he goes, what's your email? He goes, you don't have a fucking email account.

This is in the 90s. And I was like, no, he had to walk me through it. I know my teacher made us do it in college when it was super new. Like homework assignments would only be released via email. And I was so mad. I'm like, fuck. Because back then you had to go into the computer room at school. You didn't have a really computer in your dorm room.

I had a college email address that I didn't know how to access outside of that room either. I didn't know either. Maybe some ex, I met this hoe on the streets of Madrid. And I gave her that email and I didn't read it. I didn't get it until I went back to school. It's so upsetting. You could have hooked up with that slide. She was such a, her name was Megan.

Okay, Megan. Megan. Hey, do you remember texting when you had to do like one, two, three. Of course. A, B, Z. That was the first phone I had. It was a flip phone.

That's an Ari Shafir way of texting. Oh, he still does. I think so. He's like, dip shit. Hey, hey, hey. B, B, B, B, B. Yeah. That's so weird.

Why does he stick to that? I love technology though. It's so fun. So dumb. It's been good. It's been inherent. So can I tell you what happened to me? And I have not told a soul.

Not a single soul. Because I was so embarrassed that this happened. So I was eating breakfast downstairs in our house. Nobody was home except we had our cleaning lady. And I'm getting ready to leave the house. I got my brand new kicks on my gold pumas. I'm feeling good about myself. Got a fly-ass outfit.

So I'm finished eating. I go to grab my purse. I walk and the floor is wet because the cleaning lady had just moped. I fucking fell. So hard. I slid. My feet went up in the air and I landed flat on my back on our hard-ass tile. Like ceramic tile.

Was that what we have? Marble, floor, whatever. Yeah, wood. Sorry. Wood floor. And the only thing that saved my head is that I was wearing a bun that day. And my hair essentially broke the fall of my head. So I would have cracked my head on.

And you know what's crazy is that I was laying there and I was like, oh god, please don't let me see me. What part of the floor was it? Where? In our dining area. Yeah. Like I was walking to get the keys. The car keys were stolen, Valor happened.

And I was laying right there by the railing. And I was so embarrassed that the cleaning lady would see me. Because you know how she always warns you? Like he's wet floor. I'm like shut the fuck up. I know it's a wet floor. But she didn't warn me this time. And I was so embarrassed that she would see me.

That I, so listen to this, I'm on my back flat. I'm completely in shock. I fucking dog roll. Or what is that when like military roll? I roll over immediately to like the carpeted area. What does that call the military? How did you keep this a secret? Because I wanted to tell you on the show because it's so embarrassing.

So I do like a roll. I roll over to the carpeting. And I get up so quick so that nobody in the house sees that I've fallen. And no one saw? Nobody. And to this day, nobody knew except right now I'm telling the world. But I was so embarrassed. This is when I came in to tape where my mom's at.

And I was wearing a bun that day. Like right before I came in. So how long ago was that? Well, two days ago. Three days ago. Oh, so this week? Last week. Two days, two days.

Wow. Yeah. And I can't, and I was like in shock. And I just got in the car. And I was like, whoa, I could have really just hurt myself. Yeah. I, I ate shit. I severely hurt my elbow.

I ate shit. I told, but I said it like, I don't know, six months ago or something in the house wearing socks on the floor. I was wearing socks and underwear and Julian like grabbed something. And I was like, no. And I went to chase him. And I just went right up. Cause I went like full force to chase after him.

Oh, fuck man. And I just went up in the air and boom. You let on your butt or your tailbone? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, oh, fuck.

He just kept running. Yeah. Of course. See, but I got lucky because my, I broke my hand, broke my phone, my hair, my bun. It was so weird. I smushed my thumb. I smushed my elbow. Dude, what if you were like.

I could have really fucked myself. I know. What if you were in the hospital right now? I don't know. I was like, well, show goes on. All right, guys. I know. Dude, speaking of, I have, I have another thing of, I followed another lady home.

So this is. Why are you telling me that? Like that's good news because he's like, speaking of good news. I, this is pretty funny. So remember the other night I was like, I wanted to have stuff for breakfast the next day. And so I go to the grocery store and it's, it's not late, but it's the evening, right? So I go in, I get a couple things when you left the house and it was like, it was like right around dinner time.

So this is like on, I think Friday. So anyways, I'm there. I see a lady in the grocery store and I was like, I'm going to follow her home. Right. So I get in my car. I follow her home, but this time that's just pretty crazy. I go inside her house. Oh my God.

All right. So here's. I hope the FBI is listening to this. This is awesome. This is awesome. Listen to what I did. So I see her. I'm watching her.

She lays out different clothes on her bed. And I see her like looking at the different clothes. Okay. So she, she leaves, she leaves them on the bed and she gets in the shower. I don't follow her in the shower. I stay in the bedroom. Here's what I do. I put two of the outfits away and I leave one and I put a note and I go, wear this one.

And I put that on the bed. So now, and I even got a pair of shoes out that I thought looked good with it. Like these wedges. I was like, and I put them all. So I coordinated the choice for her and I left the note that said wear this one. So, so this doesn't have to like. Hold on. Let me, Yana, you know how I know the story is false?

How? No man likes a woman in wedges. There's no fucking way you put out wedges. Wedges are nice. What do you mean? You like a wedge? Sure. Yeah.

The wedge and a kitten heel or garbage. What are you talking about? You like a wedge? Well, for this particular, it was a dress. It was a green dress. So I thought they looked good with them. I really don't think you should be sharing this out loud on the show. Why?

It's just not a smart idea, babe. What's going to happen? Really? You don't, you need me to tell you why? Tell me. Babe, you're stalking people now. I'm dealing with the pandemic in my own way. Okay.

Well, this is what happens when I don't get to do stand-up. This is, but is it helping you? Do you feel better? Yeah, I feel way better. I got an adrenaline rush. Oh, well, that's, that's all that is. That's fine then. Yeah, you got to get a rush.

Yeah, I agree. Go ahead, continue doing it then. No problems. So back to some YMH official news. I want to thank everybody. We had the official fudge packer petition that came around. That was to officially change the name of the Green Bay Packers to the fudge packers and the San Francisco 49ers to the San Francisco

69ers. And good work guys. Mommies, you were on that lickety split. Change.org, I believe. It was on change.org. And, you know, I posted it, we all posted it, and it got some real traction. It took off like wildfire and it was taken down within hours.

So, but thank you guys for trying. Yeah. You know, sometimes people are not ready for real change. Yeah. Sometimes people need to process these things. Yeah, think of the civil rights movement. That's right, Tom. Yeah, it took time.

It took time. So let's keep trying. Let's be persistent. This is just the first try, you guys. We're going to get there. We're going to get there. We will prevail. Black Lives Matter.

Black Lives Matter. And fudge packers, two very important things from this year. This is, I haven't seen this, but just from the description on the folder, I want to see this. Oh, okay. Oh, wow. This guy's getting a shot. Is this Philippines? Sounds like it.

They're fucking with him. Let's see here. Come on, don't look, bro. Let's get your shot. Yeah, don't look, bitch. Here we go. Ah! See?

It's funny to watch. It's funny, yeah. I mean, to be fair, this is a shot in the Philippines, which I would probably be reacting the same way. Why? It's not America, babe, or Europe. You know what I mean? I wouldn't win a shot.

I wouldn't fucking let them do that. No way. I wouldn't let them pull a hangnail. Okay. It's America, Jack. I only trust America. Okay. All right.

This is another. Last night on 90 Day Fiance before the 90 Days. Yeah. I mean, I read that this girl wants to have her baby in Ethiopia. In Ethiopia, yeah. Yeah, she's like six months pregnant. She's like, I'm going to go have the baby there. And then her mother's like, uh-huh.

Dude. And then the doctor's like, the doctor, he's like, you're going to, have you checked out the hospital there? And do they have a NICU unit? And like, are they able to have, and she's like, yeah, they don't always have the medicine. He's like, right. Right.

So maybe stay here. They have a rooster that comes and guesses the gender of the baby. And then a witch doctor comes to check the, the heart rate. Guys, I can say this. I've been to Ethiopia. I've been to Ateez. That's a good one.

That's like, I have a black friend. I can tell you. I can tell you. I can tell you. With certainty. You checked out, you, you checked out all the, the medical communities, staff. I wouldn't, I wouldn't dare. I wouldn't even go there.

I wouldn't even get a manicure. Okay. In Ethiopia. 00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:56,200 The whole fucking way. Hey, it's clear now. You can, you can press pause. So.

Nope. America. Here's another Western Europe, not even my party Europe. Another foreign clip right here. This is how foreign coaches take care of business. This is really something you don't see a lot in the States anymore. I don't know where that is. I love it.

But I would love if one of our listeners could tell me what he said. Because yeah, that was some real Durga, Durga shit. We have one language. Turkey, Turkey, Durga, Turkey, Durga. Have you been to Turkey? Did you go to Istanbul? No, never been. I heard Istanbul is amazing.

I heard too. Yeah. My cousin's been there. I have a friend that went there. I said it was like one of the most amazing cities he's ever been to. Yeah. But there's a lot of hot chicks you can bang there too. What do you mean?

A lot of dirty chicks in leather bathing suits maybe. In Turkey? Why? You like those dirty chicks on. In Turkey? You haven't even been to Turkey though. Where did you meet your other girlfriend? Tunisia.

Tunisia. You're so, you're so like obsessed with her. You always bring her up. I was trying to think of other horrors. I'm jealous. I love you. You're mine bitch. I know.

I was thinking of other sluts. I love you. Trying to think of other sluts stories you don't know. You know what I like about you now? I like that scar you have from your hanging operation now. You look like a badass. It's like sexy. It's a prison shank.

Yeah. I like that. Like now like there's something different on you. Yeah. I mean I've been looking at you for 15 years naked and now there's something new there. Oh no. It's very sexy.

I like that. From jail. Trying to remember. One time I banged this check. I didn't know her name. All right. I was in New York. New York you could just walk down the street and just walk back.

You want to? That is not even true. It is true. You cannot because there's really good looking women in New York City like models everywhere. Yeah. There's all kinds of people. It's New York City.

And so what kind of lady was this? This is a fucking. It was nighttime. So it was a you know kind of a street walker type. She was she was bandaged up. So you had gauze wrapped around her shins and uh. You like that. Yeah.

She had a cast. Yeah. You found that attractive? No. No. I just was like you'll do. You know. You just threw your hot dog in there?

Yeah. Yeah. I tell you about the one who. New York it was like it was a streak for a minute. When I was like 1920-21. Every time I would go there I'd just meet some random. Have sex with them. What are you talking about?

You never told me this stuff. I'm telling you right now. I can't believe you. Why? Did you use condoms? Let's see. Yes. Yes.

No. Oh my god. A couple of yeses and a no. Babe. I knew one of them. I knew one of them. Like I actually was like oh I know your name. And she got and here's the thing.

I wore a condom with the person I did know. And then I didn't with somebody that I didn't know. Okay. You are so gross. Anyways I wanted to share with you as well another piece of vital information. Okay. I want to make a formal announcement. Oh okay.

It is comes to my attention I've done some scientific testing. Yeah. Cream of wheat does in fact give me diarrhea. Oh. I. This is very important. Well here's what I did. I conducted an experiment where I ate nothing that morning.

Nothing out of like just coffee normal normal. I took my normal coffee shit after. I made cream of wheat and I shit about an hour later like violent water hose diarrhea. So it is apparent and I don't react that way to foods. This is the one thing that's like a trigger food for me. So are we done with cream of wheat. That's the thing is that I like it so much. You're just going to power through it.

Deal with it. Like you know how you do that with sushi and you're like oh this one's going to make me sick. Yeah. And then you eat it and I think I may have to just eat it. You like that. You like it that much. I like it. It tastes like paste like glue from kindergarten.

You know. Yeah. There's something so wonderful about it and comforting. Yeah. I may every now and then indulge and then just take. Sometimes you've got to do what feels good. You know like. Look at this guy.

Is he a touch. He looks different. Real watch. But he doesn't talk like he's touched. Oh my god. It's so dangerous. He has a drill. Ear wax.

Ear wax. I don't know. He said that part like a certain type of person would. Well and also the medical community any doctors listening. I'm pretty sure that's a bad idea to put a drill and a q-tip in your ear. 00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:20,840 Dangerous. No.

Yeah. Can you rupture your eardrum at the least. I don't think they would recommend doing that. Can you take that off. I don't like to see his ear wax really gross. Okay. Okay. Do you remember not too long ago this clip really got people talking and debating.

That easy. At 33 inches you do all that digging. You don't want to get on pussy. You don't want to keep running the house parking the car. I don't want to see where the fuck you at. Are you serious. So that gives you an excuse to fucking just cheat on me. I ain't cheat.

A dick suck ain't cheating. That is. That's right. Is a dick suck cheat. Right. A dick suck ain't cheating. That's right. And I think the audience overwhelmingly agreed that it is not.

But we have a super fan that check this out tattoo by Kilroy tattoo where he did this. She got this. This is a lady. They got this on her. Dick sucks ain't cheating. Wow. How dope is that. That is amazing.

Dude. Can you if you by the way. I would be like oh shit. If you're like hooking up with this girl and you see that you're like whoa this girl's an animal. It's pretty. Savage. And here you want to see her. I would love to see her.

Yeah. Oh she's like super pretty. She's super pretty. Yeah. Dude. And so you'd be like. Are you sure that's real and she got dick sucks ain't she. Yes.

And she's like I'm going to get another white mate tattoo. But yeah she's super pretty and she got this on her. That's why you'd be like oh yeah let me buy you a drink. And then you'd be like dick sucks ain't cheating. You're like whoa fuck. Or would you be like this chick's cute. Dick sucks ain't cheating. Let's get married.

This is the way for me. Oh yeah no this is this is a good sign. White material. Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah. She's awesome. Yeah yeah that's amazing. Yeah and she loves YMH so yeah I don't know if she is married but you could find the man of your dreams. If you appreciate that tattoo.

Absolutely it's a great tattoo. Great job. Oh it's so rad. Great work. Another fire truck. Wow guys. This is my favorite. Number 42 responding guys.

Oh. Which one? Number 42 responding guys. I like when they narrate what you can totally see in front of you. I love for these. Active scene with two fire trucks involved guys. Wow. Lots of horn guys.

Lots of horn guys. Wow. Something tells me. That's going to a different scene no wonder why. The guy making this video is the same guy putting Q-tips on a drill you know what I mean. I feel like it's the same guy. I think you're right Tom. Yeah.

Hey but we don't know that it could be a dad boner. Like sometimes they get excited about trains. There's lots of horns and then like put the Q-tip in my ear. Maybe this is just an ambulance or I'm sorry a fired truck enthusiast. Yeah. We don't know. That's true. I mean listen they are pretty exciting when they go by and the lights are flashing and the

horn is going our kids get real stoked. It's pretty exciting. It is exciting. Do you remember last week we brought this gentleman to the audience's attention. Put a leash and call on you and a pair of handcuffs I got sitting here in your RV and I'll fuck the living shit out of you. Fuck your ass and your cut and your tits.

Yeah. Make you swallow my 10 inch. Yeah. Pretty cool. And he'll get you pregnant over and over. That's pretty cool. I remember that. He's posted again.

Oh goody. In the recording right now I'm not labor-unlimited out here in self-raise awake and I'm letting you all fucking know. Any fucker tries to put that test on me for COVID. Shove fucking crap out my nose. I can fuck right off. I'll kick their heads in and fucking beat them to a pulp. Yeah.

I agree those COVID tests are no fun. You think this is a good way to handle it? Well it sounds like this is the way the country's going. And if you're a fucking female who wants to get fucked up the ass, screw, pump to death and fucking treat it like a dog and be whipped and chained and wear a fucking mask because of this COVID-19 crap. Well my question would be like what if I was a woman interested in this but I don't want all the items on the menu.

Yeah I think you could probably order what you want. I'll look hard. Yeah because I don't know if I want to get butt fucked or treat it like a dog. But I'd like some other stuff that might be nice. I don't know. Hey I mean we have his info if you want to reach out. Like I said I want women who want to get fucked and screwed up the ass. Well I don't want that.

They're kind of sucked and fucked. I don't want that. Treat it like a dog. I'm not going to take that COVID-19 thing and I'm going to stick it up in your fucking ass. Okay. It feels very... So any bitch who wants to get fucked come and see me and... Now he's meshing the COVID stuff.

Yeah the cohesive quality of his thoughts that I really appreciate. Hey I don't want anybody sticking things up my nose. I'm not interested in this type of test. Say if you want to get fucked up the ass. Right right right right. And all meats in the middle. Kind of neat. Well it seems to me that I bet the women who are answering or the one woman who's

answering is like will you get a COVID test before I come over. Yeah. And he's probably like no bitch I've already told you I have a tent that I can put you in is not enough. Yeah. You know what's upsetting too is that he doesn't offer any alcohol or weed. Yeah I mean I think he needs to he needs to work on his like his game a little bit.

The pitch. The pitch is a little rough. It's really aggressive. You want to get fucked and sucked a bit. Like it's like you know how about like do you like you said like do you want to come smoke a joint have a few drinks and then you could show I got this here like you know a little bit of courting it's all it's really aggressive. I agree Tom.

I mean look even our hero Robert Paul Champagne was like you get a lease in a key. Yeah free food free food. I've got all the booze. And that works. That worked once for him in like seven years. So you know what I mean. Can work for you too. But look where he is now.

He's a famous porn actor. He's doing great. He's talking about hosting a television show. I know. It's pretty cool. So you know this will make you laugh. Dream on. I think ready.

Watch this one. Why that makes me laugh so much. I could watch that like that over and over. Let's see it again. I like it too. She's got like those hostess cupcakes in her hands. Yeah. She dropped everything she jumped out of her seat.

And then she goes darn it. I know how do people not really curse when they're that upset. I know. That takes that for me would take an extra 10 mental steps. Oh yeah. To be like darn it instead of motherfucker. Oh yeah of course. I can't control that.

Yeah no it would be it would be all bad words. All at once. She's so fat in her face but the rest of her isn't as fat. Have you noticed that. I don't know if I can see the rest of her. But I mean her arms don't look as fat as her face. It's weird. Is that possible that her fat distribution.

Yes everybody's fat distribution is different and some people yeah they go to one area. It's like significant in the under chin and then everywhere else she could be like kind of normal. Well you know I was trying to have a good laugh at a horn jump. Just a lady getting scared by a horn and now we're picking her apart and how her body distributes her weight.

Well I mean. Well let's read a couple of messages. Okay first of all. Chicks need to have good asses. Chicks better have one type of good ass. So somebody messaged here. Hey Hitler's just listened to your fed smoker vault episode. How do you get a job here in their fuck face.

And I need to clear up a few things about meth sex for Tommy Buns. Yes. When I was a dumb Dalmatian in my twenties I dated this meth head for a while because I was an FGT RTD and not stingy. I didn't notice all those meth-y red flags. Anyways to specifically clear up the meth dick question I can share that meth dick cannot drill for two and a half hours

or any hours for that matter. More than once I'd be awoken to my tweaker boyfriend trying to mush his sweaty twinkie in a toddler sock into my love tunnel while grinding his teeth and glassing into the middle distance. It wasn't all bad. My apartment was never cleaner than when he was on a bender. Meth dicks are sad dicks.

Love you mommies. Megan from Vancouver. No it's Megan not Megan. Yeah yeah. You fucking retard. Well that's uh that's really interesting. Thank you Megan. Yeah thanks Megan.

Megan you have one you want to read? That they're mush dicks is what she's saying. That's what she's saying. Meth guys don't fuck. So how is fed smoker fucking? Maybe he lied? Wait a minute. What?

What are you saying? Do you have make believe in any of your stories fed smoker? There you go. Okay this one's interesting. There was a discussion in the past about the proper time to brush your teeth in the morning. Should it be first thing when you wake up to get the bad breath out of your mouth or after a little while?

I spoke to my wife who was a hygienist of seven years to get the correct timing. She informed me that it is okay to brush right away to get the bacteria that grew through the night. However this will be surprising to you Tom. It is best to brush after you have eaten breakfast. Her reasoning is that breakfast will be on your teeth until the next time you brush and would be worse

than the stuff that grew during the night. Keep it high and tight Alex. And what do you think of that? I wish I had a drop ready to go because it's not a nice one. Really? Yep yep. Well here's what I suggest. Why not brush your teeth right when you wake up?

Because I brush my teeth, I do a cursory brush, and then I do an after coffee and breakfast brush. Yeah you can do both. A thorough. I just don't understand dealing like you wake up with morning mouth. I mean like just going to go go downstairs and get my day started.

Nope. So gross. I think it's so disgusting. You can't just get mouthwash at least just to get that. And they're like but then it's the same people. It's the same people who are like you gotta look down to read. They're the same people who are like but then the coffee in the mint don't go well.

Just rinse your mouth out you fucking idiot. Yeah fuck vice. Okay this is Tom, this is your lookalike. I found this in a bar in Houston. This is in the drops folder. It is? Okay. Drops folder.

This guy looks just like you. Let's see. You know we get a lot of these submissions. Dude. They got the cock sizing right? I gotta work out harder because that looks good. It does look like you. That does look good.

I like that guy's body. There you go. I want to be just like him. Here I got one for you that's pretty great. So last week we also played this hilarious video. Man. Incredible. So a painter plunged 30 feet to the ground

after a pensioner in a wheelchair shook his ladder because it was blocking the pavement. Decorator Fernandez Sanchez 46 was painting the outside of a house on Boxing Day in San Martín de Porres Lima, Peru. CCTV shows the ladder propped up against a three-story house which was tied to a rope, which tied to a door with rope for extra stability. The video sees the pensioner in the wheelchair grab hold

of the ladder and shake it furiously with both hands, sending Mr. Chances crashing to the concrete. Suddenly a pedestrian rushes over with his dog as the elderly man known locally for being brood. Waves his hands in the air to justify his actions. Mr. Sanchez miraculously stumbles to his feet before propping himself up against the car. He was later taken to a hospital.

However, he did not suffer serious injuries. He always speaks with rudeness when there is something on the pavement. One local said, police have now launched an investigation or attempted to identify the man after the incident was captured on CCTV. So that's where it happened. That's the full story. A number of people, by the way, messaged me and they were like, so the video is what you just saw.

And they go, dude, how did you not know that that was Lima? It looks like Silver Lake. That could be a part of Santa Monica. Why would I know from this footage? And then they're like, how are you missing that? I'm like, what are you talking about? Why would I know that? Guys, come on.

Somebody, by the way, needs to blow COVID right into that old, fucking homeless guy's mouth. I know. What are you so rude? He shook that guy's ladder. Yeah, they call him a pensioner. Blow COVID. Here's an interesting one.

You want to give some advice? Yeah? Sure. Okay. Hi, mommies. I need your advice about a smelly coworker. We are still working in our offices, full PPE, of course, with masks, gloves, and sanitizer,

even with my mask on and cheap smells of hand sanitizer. I can smell the coworker who is a cubicle away from me. He smells like old food, garbage, and sweat. All mixed into one noxious fume. Every day for nine hours, he brings in super fragrant foods to eat and eats in our open office space. We're not allowed to bring in smell goods,

but I am dying a little bit every day, having to tolerate his stink. My boss a few weeks ago even made a comment out loud about an odor in the air while I stared at him with saucer eyes to shut the fuck up. Do you have any advice on how I can address the problem without bringing in smell goods or hurting stinky boys' feelings?

I tried vapor rub under my mask, but it's not something I can sustain long term from. That is unacceptable, man. That's unacceptable. Don't you guys have an HR department? Isn't that what human resources is for? Because it's all his food that's coming in? In him personally, his body and his food stinks.

That is fucking unforgivable, dude, especially to bring in stinky food in the office. It sounds like we got a foreigner on our hands. It sounds like it. That's right, Tom. And I'll put these fucking stink. Yeah, I mean, I think there's gonna be no way to deal with it unless you actually have somebody tell the guy. You have to tell the person.

There's no other way in this situation. There's no other way. Because HR will call that person in and be like, you need to wear... There's complaints about your smells. I mean, I don't know how HR... I don't know if HR does it like that, though, right? They're like, your pussy stinks

and your armpits smell like a dick. What would we do here? What would we do here? If... Oh, we would just tell people. I think YMH, right? Like, we're so open. We'd be like, phew, you're fucking banging, bro. There would be talks. There would be a work up to it, though.

Like, if somebody would be like, hey, have you noticed? Ha ha ha ha! Solo. Solo's kicking. I'd be like, Nadav, he's one of yours. You handle it, okay? He's one of yours? You make Nadav tell him in Jewish code?

What would you do? Yeah, I would just start speaking to him in Hebrew. I'm like, ey, makul e, and then he kind of gets it from there, you know? You really? You'd be like, hey, man, dial back the fucking... Well, yeah, because, I mean, like, Hebrew is so aggressive

that we could get out that idea in, like, three syllables. Really? Mm-hmm. Like, what would it translate to? You smell. It would just be, it'd be direct. Or actually, yeah, three syllables. Muscle up.

You know the thing about smelly people, though? I find that a lot of times, they're not aware that they're smelly. They don't know. Never. Yeah. Like, if they were aware, they'd take care of it. Right.

Because they're not trying, I mean, there are people that are, you know, like real psychos that are trying to piss people off with that. But I think most people like that aren't aware. They don't know. I mean, you see people come onto planes all the time. It's not so, you don't have the B.O. factor as much as, like, when people bring food from their house.

Oh, my God. And they open up, like, Tupperware, and you're like, what are you doing, man? We're in an enclosed, pressurized cabin. Oh, I had a woman. And you got your fucking raw eggs and shit. That woman brought a bag of hard-boiled eggs, a Ziploc bag of hard-boiled eggs on a plane.

Of course. It's crazy. Are you insane? It's crazy. It smells like farts. Yeah. You know, there was a girl in seventh grade who was gorgeous and she had braces,

and her gums were really red and bleedy, and her breath was so bad. But it's one of the bad breaths that I still think about. Like, it's, since seventh grade, I think about this chick's breath. You see rotten mouth on people. You go like, ugh, it never leaves you. Never leaves you. You know, you got to do dental hygiene.

It's so, especially as a dad, you know, that you can have dad mouth. I know. You can have dad mouth. And then, you know, then it's over. Her mom mouth. Yeah. Okay, we have a great guest.

Oh. It'll be here in a moment. So let's take a quick break. We're going to go eat some ass. We'll be back in a little bit to talk about it. Our next guest is a brilliant man, a phenomenal athlete. He went to Duke. He's so smart.

He's come in here. He came in with books. He is also a very, very funny creator. Cody Cola Justin. Thank you. Nailed it. I will just revert to as Cody Cola moving forward. Yeah, so you don't know how to say your own last name.

No. So the guy said, yeah, he said you're pronouncing it wrong. This is the customs guy. Customs agent in Germany or something like that. He said, how do you, he's like, I'm Polish. How do you pronounce your last name? And I said, call it Jessica. And he said, no way.

It's called a G chick. Okay, how do you spell it? Do it. K O L O D Z I E J Z Y K and then the number three. That is so fucked. This is completely fucked. Yeah, imagine being trying to spell that.

Like, do you remember being a little kid and people are like, S M I T H. And then they're like, how's yours? Cola Z chick. Cola Z chick or something. I don't know. I'm reading it Hungarian. Yeah, you know what's fucked is I have family members

that are that were born and raised here that are educated people that don't know how to say my last name. And it has been, there have been arguments. And one of my relatives is very upset with me for having a public profile that has, that I have hijacked the pronunciation of the last name and that people are saying it in mass incorrectly.

So it's Segara, right? So the correct, like, here's the thing. I argued with them because I'm like, there is no debate. There is no either or. I go, it's a, it's a word in Spanish. So there's only one way to say it. And then you can anglicize that a little bit. Like, so in Spanish, the word is Segura, right?

That's, that's actually not just a last name, but a word. So if you were going to say it like an English speaking person, you would just say Segura. Yeah. Well, these dumb fucks that I'm related to say Segura. That's completely wrong. And I'm like, yeah, but that's, I go, you're just saying it like a cracker who doesn't like.

Yeah, it's not only wrong. It's racist. Yeah, exactly. Wow, you're right. You're offending our whole hair. And like, here's the thing. These, these crackers were at like the family reunion where they hired a genealogist to trace

and show you that it comes from Spain. Okay. So I'm like, so you, you know, the guy didn't say Segura. Like he said Segura for sure. Yeah. And they still will say it wrong. What's it mean? It means secure, safe.

Oh, yeah. That's why I love him. Sure. I mean, sure. You can say sure. Do you know my therapist pointed that out when we first started being together? Yeah.

I was like, same as Tom Segura. And she's like, you know, that means safe in Spanish. That's what I need, lady. Yeah. But she was homeless lady. So, but most importantly, is the name pronounced Megan or Megan? Yeah. Well, how do you say that?

How do you say that? Megan. Megan. Megan. What do you say? Megan. Megan. Yeah.

But that's, that's a Canadian thing. Is it Canadian or is it just the right thing? Is it what it like? Is it a, is that a Canadian thing or just how people with like an inferiority complex would say something? See, I'm a big Megan advocate. I can't even hear the difference. Megan or Megan? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. And I think it's kind of stupid that we say Megan. I think Megan's kind of sluttier. And like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm, I'm a dumb. As you're like in Vegas, I'm like somebody who says Vegas, Las Vegas. Well, hold on, it is the Vegas, Vegas debate.

It's a similar debate. Now Vegas, it's not Vegas, it's Vegas. Oh, right. Megan. B-A-G. How do you say that? B-A-G.

01:04:11,560 --> 01:04:12,280 All right. Bag or bag? Bag. I say, I used to say bag. Okay. What do you say for F-L-A-G? F-L-A-G. Flag.

That's pretty dumb. Yeah. This guy went to fucking Duke and he's in LA. I told you I'm dumb. Yeah. I told you. Well, let's go, let's go into how dumb you are. So.

Sure. Yeah. Because it's actually, we're very, very impressed with you. And I, you know, the first time, like it is, it is really a thing. I think when you are not of the YouTube world and you hear of like somebody, I've always had this bias right here. Like somebody has a big following on YouTube. Like, oh, what do they do?

Talk about how they went to fucking the grocery store that day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you see. Or unpackage thing. Yeah, yeah, they're like on a phone. Grocery store run. But then you see like, I mean, I guess for like, if you're in comedy, you see like, really funny, like really funny videos.

And you're one of those people where your shit is legit funny, man. Like. Thank you, man. I mean, that means so much coming from you guys because I'm a huge fan of you guys. Well, that's very nice. And you're thoughtful. I mean, you're Darman video. Like we I think we've all been entranced by Darman.

But the way that you approached it was so thoughtful and your vulnerability made it I like that you tried to like do what he does. It was so awesome. But it was it came at the origin of it is great because you the origin of it is that you went at it the same with the same venom that we did with originally, which was you were like, the fuck is this? Yeah, because because so I posted. I think I maybe I posted the third one, like the one where I met up with them.

And then I got a lot of DMs from people or I guess they were tagging you or something and talking about how you were talking about on the podcast. Yes. And so you guys did the same thing. Did you bring up his videos? So yeah, we're always playing we're always playing videos that people send in. Right. And you know, a few times people have been like, oh, you know, like we did the Good Morning Julia

guy and they were like, oh, Dan Soder and J. O'Korson were doing this. And I was like, I don't know who's playing stuff at the same time or before us or anything because like you just get bombarded with stuff. You know. Yeah, right. And so we were playing the first time we see this. I'm like, what is this? Because it's it's like so on the nose and it was so direct and it was, you know,

like the the word choices, the language and everything. And also so so earnest. It was so sincere. You know, you don't really see that kind of. Yeah. And it was and it and it gets like a lot of love. And it was that was like every single video is, you know, hundreds of thousands of likes, which you don't see.

No. Especially on short like short form four minute content like that. And the millions of you millions. Yeah. Yeah. Like billions. He's got on Facebook now. He's got like three billion views or some some crazy.

We were we were absolutely amazed with you. And then somebody goes, oh, you know, Cody Ko has has found this guy. And I watched your first time watching it, which I I laughed so hard because you were you were just basically like doing, you know, what I thought is like a normal reaction to this stuff, which it was like, what the fuck is this? And then so many so many layers of what the fuck. Yeah. And then and then you you did this thing where you actually did you reach out to him or did

he reach out to you? How did how did the actual connection? He he DM'd me after every single one actually after after everyone after every single video he reached out. And I think the first two I didn't reply because I'm an asshole and I'm just a dick. And I was like, I don't really I'm also like just a pussy. I'm like, I don't really want to confront this guy. Like he was really nice in the DMs, but like maybe he's just doing that just so he can

then tear me a new one later or something like that. And then after and then and then I was sitting there thinking about like, how can I do how can I turn this into I was going to do another one. And I was like three just seems like too many. How can I turn this into something different? Like a little bit bigger. And so then I looked at my DM conversation with him and he had like just DM'd me for some reason.

And so I reached out to him and we jumped on a zoom call and he didn't really get it. At first I was like, I want to do one. I want to write one for you and star in it and we'll do it together. And he was kind of like, I don't really get it. And then I wrote it and he hated he hated. Eventually he was like, yeah, I want to do more collabs. So this will be good. Like dip my toes into the YouTube collab.

Sure. Show me the toe dip again. Yeah, that's the diver. That's the diver. I saw that. Yeah, that's a diving move. Good footwork. Yeah.

Thank you. And so I wrote the first one and he hated it. He was like, he was basically like, this isn't this isn't going to work. And these are the reasons why. And he was right. And he was definitely right. Yeah. I mean, this whole process was me being like, like learning,

peeling back to what the fuck layers and learning why each one was there and why he was doing what he was doing. But how humble of you to be able to do that? I think that takes a big person to put yourself out there like that. Because I was watching that. Yeah. Because he said like, there's three things you need to raise the stakes. Right.

Like every emotion has to be really big. 01:09:15,560 --> 01:09:20,120 And the language has to be really simple because there are non-English speakers. And you realize like, oh gosh, there is an art form to what this person's doing. It may not be your art form, but I think your girlfriend said that. She's like, look at you learning a lesson. I know. Yeah.

The whole thing was like this weird. It was a circular. Here's the thing. I had a similar experience. I think I was telling you that. Yeah. So we had started playing his videos and mocking him relentlessly. All right.

Right. Like just, I mean, like playing them and stopping me. What the fuck is this? We devoted like half an hour. Like his little monologues at the end. Yeah. It's like, what's up, dar man? Man.

And it seems like he's playing a character. It always seems like he's just put it like that every, the way he like over annunciates his words. It's like, what's up, dar man? Yes. You're like, this is just, he's just putting this on for the camera. And then when I met him, it was like, oh no, this is actually him. This is him.

He's really this genuine. Well, we FaceTimed for a while. And I thought it was going to be like five minutes. It was like 30 minutes. And I was asking him, you know, like, how did you get in? And it was very sincere. And like, here's the thing too is that when you, because we've had a few times where we play videos of people, we mock them.

And you realize that if you're one of the person getting the videos being played of you, there's basically three ways you can handle it. You can ignore, right? That you're being made fun of. You can push back, like, fuck you and try to do something. Or you can, you embrace the people and the thing. And it, I feel like that's the most disarming where it then changes the whole dynamic, right? Because then Nelson, I'm talking to Dar and I'm like, I can't believe I'm talking to you.

And asking you these questions. And then I ask him, I go, hey, we want to do, like, our own versions of your videos. And he was like, okay. And he goes, how can I help? Like, right away. He was like, how can I help? He's like, do you need like, like staff to me to read over the script? I was like, I don't think you'd like it.

But, but he was like, he was very, he was extremely willing to help. Yes, it's very surprising that he has that approach. But it's so, it's so charismatic when people do that. Like, remember Charles? Exactly. What's going on? It's Charles. And Charles embraced us making fun of him.

Yeah, we found a video that this guy had put up that he had put like on, he had used for like match.com. Okay. And it was just an embarrassing video because he didn't post it. It was like, he had sent it to a girl that he'd met on match. And then she sent the people and she got, you know, and it was like, we just, yeah. And we just made fun of him so hard. That's rough.

Yeah, it was really rough. And he, he was a total sport. Like he got on a call with us on the podcast. He started making fun of his own video. And I was like, man, that is how to handle this. That's, that's, that's definitely big of that guy. Yes. Because there's one thing if you post something publicly, but it's another.

If it's like, oh, it was never supposed to get out anyways. Yes. But you're like, fuck it. It's out there. So embarrassing. It was, it was humiliating, I would say. I mean, I, I was trying to find one of his things. What's going on?

It's Charles. That's just his audio. Just wanted to do a video instead of a text or a phone call. This is to one girl? Yeah. 01:12:36,920 --> 01:12:37,960 Yeah. Why don't you do a YouTube intro?

I mean, what's up you guys? It's Charles. Say run, eat o'clock, eat 15. Yeah, he did that. We made fun of that, you know. Say run, eat o'clock, eat 15. I'm going to get Lily's. I'm thinking Lily's.

Well, we made fun of him so hard. And then, you know, the way that Dar handled it was, reminded me of that. He was like, I know that you're not saying nice things about me. Yeah. But, you know, this is what I'm doing. He's a killin' with kindness. He is. He's a guy like.

I mean, and he's got to be so used to people shitting on him. Because what he's doing is so out of the norm on YouTube. No, no. But you're saying like that the YouTube landscape. I get shit on quite a bit. Yeah. Like he is doing something that is not the norm. It is.

But his audience is intended for like, it's intended for people who don't speak English as a first language. Yeah. Children. He was also like, he said, like, when I, we talked about the English as a second language and he did. And this was again on FaceTime. So I'm looking at him and he's very sincere about how there are times when people need

like an uplifting message. And he started talking about times when he could have needed it. And I immediately just like fucking, I was like, I'm sorry. I know, I know, right? It made me feel like a piece of shit. Especially when I show up on set and he gets me this giant gift. I saw that for your five million subscribers. Yeah, he got me.

Why? It was like two boxes of like very expensive treats. Oh my gosh. And I just was like sitting there like, I'm such a, such a bad person. Yeah. He needs that to tactic. He's like, see what it's supposed to be nice guys. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. He's teaching a lesson right there. Motherfucker. Yeah. That's his tactic. We ended up making three Darman sketches. One of which we haven't played, but I wanted to show it to you. I would love to see it.

So this is our would love to see one of them. This is one that we just wrote and hired actors and everything. We tried to make it like Dar with like a spin. I'm sorry. Are you James? James Cartwright. Okay. Are you here to fix the toilet?

No, I'm, I'm here for the campaign. The fall forever fashion line. Why? I'm submitting myself. For what? For my model. No, you're not. Yes, I am.

Take a look up and down this line. You see these guys, right? Cheesle jobs, amazing physics. These are models. They're genetic freaks. They are better than us. And that's why they're here. You're fat.

You're way too fat to do this. Modeling is my dream. It's, it's what I've wanted to do my entire life. I bet my dream is to wrap my dick around my thigh, but I wasn't born with any length. You're not a model. No one wants to see you. Why can't I model?

Look at these apps. Lift your shirt. Really? Do you want to submit? Look at that. Perfect symmetry. Lean, muscular build. The kind of body most people dream of having,

but they never get there. Hence, he is a model. Now lift up yours. My, my shirt? Lift it. Ugh. God. Disgusting.

I think I'm beautiful. Good for you, man. Stay positive. No, no. Don't stay positive, fat boy. Stay realistic. You have about as good a shout out modeling as you do winning a slam dunk contest.

You're so fat, so gross. Get out of here. Go live your life and do something you're better suited for. This isn't it. You didn't have to talk to him like that. Get the heck out of here. Maybe fat boy needs a ride.

Heck you. We got the load coming down. Are we clear? Yeah, we're clear on this one. What's that? Are you eating? Sorry. Yeah, we're clear down there.

You see, even though Sergio was very direct, he was right. James would have wasted his life trying to be a model. He's just way too fat. James is better at sitting and watching trucks drive by. And that's what he does now. Do what you're meant to do. Hey, YMH fam.

It's Dar. I don't know if you like that message because I didn't. We're supposed to be helping people and changing lives. But Tom and Christina are definitely not helping change any lives with that message. Maybe destroying them. So please do not share this video. Go watch something else.

Literally, go watch anything else. I appreciate you and hopefully you'll never have to see one of these kinds of videos again. Fuck man, that was so good. Thanks, thanks. That was so good. So that's what we meant. But we want to make our own and we want you to be in it.

So what happened, I go, we're making like, we're doing our own. He's like, how can I help? And I was like, well, the only thing I could think of that you could contribute to ours would be the wrap up. Yeah. At the end and he was like, okay. And he goes, I go, well, look, I think the way to wrap up

is to be like, because you can't say the same thing you would say on yours, but it would work if you were since honest about what we did. In other words, say things like that's not a good message. I wouldn't share that. And I had to, I kind of like talked him through and he was like, okay. You know, I didn't know if he was sold on it or not.

Yeah. And I said, well, like, here's one of the sketches. I sent him this one. And then I go, you know, as long as you're not endorsing it, like endorsing the meanness and the, I think that it works for your, for your brand to be honest about it. So you're saying this basically.

And he was like, he was, yeah, he sent it to me. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Good guy, man. Very nice guy. That was hilarious though. Oh, thanks.

That was really funny. What a beautiful lesson too. It's a great lesson, right? You gotta just, sometimes you gotta realize that maybe you're not suited for things. Yeah, yeah. Kind of true. I mean, listen, we lie to children and tell them

they can do anything. That's really not the case. The modeling one is like, really, I think, speaks to our hearts that like, we like our models hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I, yeah, I agree. I, I've very much, I've been very outspoken. I don't like fat models.

I don't like models that are ugly. Neither do I. I'm not into this. Ugly models bother me more than, there's this new thing now where they're like, oh, this person's like fucking bone structures weird. Make him a model. And I'm like, no.

That's always been a thing, hasn't it? High fashion, I'm talking. High fashion. High fashion will do really thin and freaky. But then it became a thing where you see somebody who's, I mean, I think objectively unattractive and they'll be like, oh, that's a super model. Yeah, I'm like, oh, really?

Yeah, it's a trend, I guess. You ever see when Gucci releases their new fall collection and all the models are like pale and 12? Dogs. And you're like, yeah, literal canines? Yeah. And you're like, what the fuck? That's upsetting.

It is upsetting. Bring back the fucking 90s. Hot models. Hot models. Well, you know, Victoria's Secret, aren't they going under? They went under. And I was with Tommy in the mall. And their thing was T&A for a long time.

Yeah, but I was saying, you know how they could have saved that brand is if they put crazy, non-binary fat tits. And you know what I mean? And a dick. On Victoria's Secret? Yeah, they should have put like, it should have been like all fat trends. Dude, I think Victoria's Secret could have done crotchless,

like leg-open, like they should have gone hardcore. Now you're thinking. You know what I mean? Yeah. Girls in. But chicks with dicks. They all had dicks. Yahan, that would have kept their doors open, bro.

They just didn't, they didn't go with the times. He's wearing like Gucci's next door and they're open and they're selling their crazy shit. They got weird models. Yeah, Victoria's Secret should have weird as models. They should have. Wait, I want to go back to you, though. So you grew up in Calgary and you're into diving.

So I imagine you're just, this is all indoor diving, pretty much, right? All indoor, yes. All indoor diving. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're obviously. I don't think there is outdoor. I mean, would cliff diving?

Cliff diving, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not a lot of cliff diving in Canada. But you go to Duke for diving? Yeah. I mean. Jesus. You.

Well, it was like the only way I was going to get in. But that's an impressive school to go to. That's not true. It's true. What was her as a T? Not good. You broke a thousand. I didn't even break a thousand.

Oh, yeah. I broke it easily. Yeah, come on. He's like, I'm not that stupid. No one's that stupid. No, one of my favorite things is I know two rich people that tried to go one to Duke and tried to get their family to donate enough for them to go.

Oh. And Duke did not accept it. Really? Because that's usually that works. I know. Yeah. Another kid, he was another level of rich and he was not a good student.

And he got in what he wanted to go. Did they donate a building or something? They did. They donated a new library. Yep. But you're parents. We're talking like a nine-figure donated. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's the only. I think if you donate for your whole life, a lot of people graduate from there and then they start donating right away. And then once they have kids, then Duke's like, well, you're clearly in this for the long haul. But I think some rich people try to donate like. Late in the game.

Hey, here's a. Yeah. Here's one check. Here's one lump sum. Yeah, and they're like. When you just go easy on them. Yeah, yeah. Now at Duke, did you like it there?

I loved it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I was. I was in incredible school. Yeah. I mean, I went from Canadian, you know, I was like a skateboarder, snowboarder, diver, you know, wore like, I don't know,

just ski jackets all the time. And then I moved to Durham, North Carolina. When on the first day of school, I called my dad. I said, everyone's wearing boat shoes. I don't understand. I've never seen these in my entire life. Never seen a pair of boat shoes ever. And Kroge's on the sunglasses and pastel shirts and stuff.

What are Kroge's? I like those. Those cozies, the coozies for your sunglasses. So you can wear them. It's a very Carolina thing. Yeah. I went to school in Carolina, too. Oh, you did.

A little dumber school in Duke. OK. Where'd you go? I don't know if you could have gotten in. It's called Lenore Ryan College. OK. Hickory. OK.

There's an hour north of Charlotte. OK. So a few hours west of Durham. Gotcha. I never was allowed to step foot on the Duke campus. But you weren't even allowed to step foot on it? You can't. It's public.

They're like, your IQ is too low. Oh, I didn't. 01:24:12,920 --> 01:24:13,560 Where do you go? Please. Please. I got to walk around Chapel Hill, but they didn't let me down at Duke's.

But I'm so stupid. I didn't even know where Duke was. Yeah? No, I knew that. No clue. I thought that he's coast. I didn't either when I first found out it existed. Did you know how good of a school it was?

No. I was in a meet in Montreal. And my coach at the time said, hey, the coach from, I was a senior in high school, or a junior, maybe. I don't know, one of the two. And my coach at that time said, the coach from Duke is here. Yeah. You should perform well, because then Duke might recruit you,

and they're a really good school. And so I was like, cool. Word. And I went back to my hotel room in Wikipedia, Duke. No way. And it was like, you know, it was like 8th. Largely considered the 8th best ranked school in the state. And I was like, oh, this is the real deal.

This is the shit. And they have a basketball team? Holy shit. No, you don't know. I had no idea. Had no idea. How fun did you go to the games? Is the camera crazy?

How fun was that? It must have been insane. It was crazy. I mean, watching those specifically, there was a time where I was really into college ball. And watching the Duke Carolina games were always the high point. I mean, it was always the best when the schools were having great seasons and playing each other.

I mean, those were amazing games. I've never been. But I can imagine that to be a student and standing in that arena, that's got to be nuts. Yeah. It's just super loud. Super loud. But the energy is so much fun.

Yeah. But it's really hard to get in the arena. Oh, it is? Yeah. It's like this whole thing about the ticketing process. And that's the whole where the term Cameron Crazies came from. It's like every year students would line up outside the arena for like three months.

Yeah. And then they would tent. And they're just homeless for three months. And everyone gets just to get tickets to the Duke Carolina game. It's absurd. Every year ramp is like the flu spread like crazy because it's just that turns me off. That I don't want to go to.

It's the same thing as like when you're in Nashville and they're like, go get this hot chicken. You just have to wait like an hour and a half. Fucking haddies or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, thank you. No, I'm not doing it. Yeah.

Can I call ahead? Can I order for pickup and then? You know what? Is there another chicken place? Can we just go somewhere else? I don't even like hot chicken that much. It burns. It burns.

It's too hot. I agree. Hot chicken is very painful. It sucks. It does kind of suck. I mean, I'm not a spicy food fan myself, but that we had to try it because we were in Nashville doing a show.

And sitting in the green room before the show, I've never had that painful of a poop in my entire life. Yeah. This is right before going. Like I'm supposed to, you know, I'm nervous. I'm supposed to be feeling good. And I'm in the bathroom just shitting flames. And I'm just like, ugh.

If you had cream of wheat, that'll make you shit, too. What? This is it. Cream of wheat. It's like oatmeal. I know, but it gives me raging hot diarrhea. I was like, Cody, this is a. You've been having spicy cream of wheat.

She just verified, did research, and has found that cream of wheat definitely causes diarrhea for her. Yeah. What do you mean? Like you did like an AB test? You didn't have it, and then you had it? Correct, Cody.

What I did is I had my morning like I normally do, coffee, and then dump. And then I had my breakfast, cream of wheat, versus what I normally have, eggs. And then an hour later, I had violent diarrhea. So the only conclusion is that it gives me diarrhea. Yeah, see? Yeah.

That was a great experiment. Thank you. That was a great experiment. Yeah. You sound like you just had a morning. Yeah, that's true. Since you played, since you were a collegiate athlete, I found I love an aggressive coach.

OK. Either a coach is cursing or just being way too over the top. Yeah. And I found this one, which I believe we've been told is in Turkey. It'll be right here. OK. Yep.

Shit. Step it up, guys. What is that? I don't know. That's all we got. I am. Hey, who knows? They could have done something real bad.

I know. Like losing? Yeah, like that. We're losing right now. Slap this shit out of you guys. Did you ever get slapped like that for not diving right? I never got physically harmed by my coach. But I had a Russian coach who was really mean.

He used to verbally abuse us for shit. Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. What kind of shit would he say? Just like, you are bad. Do they call you like fucking donkey fucking pig, like stuff like that?

Yeah. Yeah. Not really. No. Not that. Not like the gymnast coach. Oh, yeah. I have a few friends who played college football that said,

like, everything changed so much. Like the biggest change is high school football to college football because high school football is still, like, you know, come on and try harder. Don't give up. And he's like, in college, they're just like, you know, you guys, I guess you're fucking around because you're with your fat girlfriends all day and shit

like that. And they're like, um, just telling them they're like, you're fucking worthless, man. Like, you know, you'll never play at the next level. You can't be shit like just completely degrading. Did you hear that from your Russian coach? He never, never that intense. But he was, he was definitely mean.

But he would do shit like he would make us stay really late and just keep doing our, the hard dives were called the optionals. That's, that's like, you know. That's when you see, like, the twists and the flips. Yes, which are like exhausting to do. And he would just make us do them over and over and over again until we were like just physically.

Did you have a, like, diving is to, I think to me, well, to me and to maybe most people is terrifying. Yeah. Did you have a natural, like when, when, before you're doing the complicated stuff, just the simple dive, were you naturally good at that? Just like when people are learning to dive, you know what I mean?

Like when you first jump in the pool and they're like, dive and you see kids that we could go like, like arms and then the head and it kind of like no splash. Yeah. And the rest of us were like, Yeah. And you like, I still can't dive like even a little dive. Okay.

Did you naturally do that well? No. No, I didn't. Wow. Yeah. Diving, it's weird. Some people have it, like are gifted. And some people just have to just, you know, Grind it out.

Do the work and grind it out. And I was one of those people. But you, I was never really that great. Did you like it though? Like when you saw diving though, I loved it. You're like, I want to, I want to do it.

Yeah. I mean, I never like, I didn't know it existed before I started doing it. And when I was 10, my friend was like, you want to do this, learn to dive class. And I was like, sounds kind of whack honestly, Speedos. Like, yeah, no way. That's gay. Yeah.

And then I tried it with him. And I was like, oh, this is just like the trampoline. But it's, you know, going into water, this is way better. And then I just kept doing it. And he quit like a year after it because it was gay. Yeah. Yeah.

That's so gay. Have you ever hit your head on the diving board? Like you go up for a jump and then bang. I'd never done it. Never happened to me. But I knew, I've seen it happen. I knew people who did it. Yeah.

I've seen some gnarly wipeouts. Like one of the girls on my team from Calgary, we were at Nationals one year and she did a, she was on the, she was a tower or a platform diver. So she was on the 10 meter. This is so crazy to watch that shit. Yeah. She was doing a front three and a half or something like that

in the middle of it. Cause you know, we use those little chamois, those little towels to dry off. That's so that you can keep your skin like slightly damp so that it's sticky, so that you don't slip out. So she slipped out of her tuck and just lost where she was in the air and she landed, she face planted after three flips.

So she's like moving forward, face planted on the water and she got on her hairline was bleeding. Her eyelids were bleeding. She had two giant black eyes for like two months. She had to go to the hospital. She had a concussion. It was a whole while shit. Yeah. Cause they're famously in,

it was at the 88 Olympics and he put AIDS in the water. The, uh, was it the gayness? Yeah. Yeah. He did a, he hit his head, right? Yeah. Yep. And have you seen that video of him doing that?

No. It's wild. Can we see it? He's doing a gainer. So he's facing forward, moving backwards. So, and then you have to move your body away from the board. Right. So that has to be the most, like he just, boom.

It's pretty wild. And then did he not metal or did he still metal? I forgot that. I forgot. I remember that he was like, He kept going, right? He was here at least in the States. I mean, so famous, but we all knew a diver's name.

Yeah. It was, it was insane. Yeah. Uh, yeah. Soul, that's right. 88, sorry. It's on the other screen. Did he metal?

I don't remember. Cause that's like, you get zero points for that dive. If you don't, Right. If you don't like, Is this the one? They should give you extra points for hurting yourself. Oh, fuck, bitch.

Oh, fuck. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, God. Damn. Oh. Oh, fuck.

Oh. They're like, oh no. They're like their saints. All those guys you fucked are in the pool now. 35. Oh, to become a legend. Okay. He could get back 35 minutes later.

Damn, bro. And he does a gainer. That's another gainer to end it. That's amazing. He's a, And he won gold. No. He won gold by a record 25 points.

After smacking his head like that. That's incredible. Wow, that's nuts. That is nuts. Look at this. The boo boo on his head. Yeah. It's more than a boo boo even.

He's got a hand-missing. It's more than a boo boo. Yeah. That's a big-ass boo boo, huh? Yeah, that's wild. Damn, bro. He must have grinded so many dicks after that. Or do you think that?

Imagine like how fucking, how high on the total gold he went. Like in the bars. Crushed the Ds. He walked in and they were like. So was he really that famous? Oh, yeah. And I remember,

I'm nine years old during that, that like this guy, because also there's less competition, meaning entertainment-wise. And you go back to like 88. The Olympics, I'm sure, numbers-wise, you know, that's summer Olympics, right? Yeah, so that was dominant, man.

We knew like the names of so many Olympians back then. Florence Griffith Joiner and Jackie Joiner Curse. I remember like, you know, Ben Johnson and, but I remember knowing, you know, Greg Luganis, which is like, it's rare, right? It's a big super, yeah. It's super rare. Plus like commodify, like you do your Wheaties ad and stuff.

Yeah, they really, and it was huge. And I really think part of that is that they're, you know, there's the network channels at that time. There's HBO and Showtime and ESPN and like, that's it, man. There's no streaming stuff. Everyone was watching the Olympics. Everybody was watching that. I mean, it's still like every four years

we give a shit about a handful of people that we just forget exists. Yeah. Two weeks later after the Olympics. Absolutely, like who the fuck? Yeah. Why is it in the cereal box? I know and everyone's watching Darman videos.

Yeah, we go back to our... Dude, we don't care, no one cares about anything. I think stuff that's good year round. All year, every year, Darman videos, baby. As an adult, though, I've definitely took less, taken less of an interest in it. In the Olympics? In the Olympics?

I think so, yeah. But it may be also because it's just way more things to care about now. That's right, I think that's part of the thing, yeah. I've started to enjoy the Winter Olympics more. Oh, yeah? What's your favorite? You like curling?

What are you into? Curling. Curling is great. That's you guys as well, yeah. Our tribe. My high school, my high school, my ninth and 10th grade high school that had a curling rink in it.

And we curled for gym class, I swear to God. Wow. I don't know the most Canadian shit ever. That's so Canadian. The thing I like about curling is that you can also look like a bowler and be an old man curling. I love sports like that. I like the snowboarding.

I think that's really fun. Snowboarding's dope, yeah. And really hard and cool. And I like watching girls who can snowboard. Yeah. I love it when the girls kick ass. When the girls kick ass. Kick ass, now.

Yeah, bro. Yeah. Yeah, bros. So wait, so Duke, you're diving, you're having fun. Getting laid. Deep graduate, you're getting laid. You're getting laid. I was a frat boy.

You were? Oh yeah, so I was. I mean, yeah, we want to talk about how scary like diving was in general. Like doing it at 6.30 AM when I had been up since four drinking at a fret mixer or whatever. I did that so many times. Would they know?

Would coaches know? They had to. And just reeking like alcohol, like bags under our eyes. Like how long is diving practice? Like an hour and a half, two hours. But that's the first one. Let me have another one. No.

That same day. Really? And then strength training afterwards sometimes. Bro. Yeah, it was crazy. How'd you do your homework? I didn't. I almost failed out my first couple of years.

I got, I took biology of dinosaurs, which was a class made for athletes. The whole fucking class was football and basketball players, and all you had to do. That doesn't seem like a real name. Biology of dinosaurs. Freshman class. All you had to do is memorize the names of dinosaurs.

That is so funny. It's like some. For sure that was recommended by like a defensive coordinator on the football team to somebody like, let's get a class going where I can send you some of these fucking dum-dums. Yeah. And then just keep them in the program.

Yep. And I got a D. You got a D in that. For a dinosaur. But I was one of the lowest grades of the whole thing. Like I, everyone else got an A. Everyone else in the class. I mean, we had like study groups where we had to like memorize the dinosaurs names.

Is this kindergarten or college? I don't know. And I was one of the only people that got a D in that class. So I'm serious when I said I really almost failed out. You really did. But you didn't have time to study. You were exercising all day long. It sounds terrible.

Yeah, and partying. Yeah. So when you graduate though, is it immediately that you get into this app? Because I know you had app success, which is really crazy. And I feel like every guy that I know basically is like has floated the idea that they're going to start an app.

Yeah. I know. Right? So it's very dude-centric. We're guys who like- It used to be. Used to be. Yeah, now it's more- Now it's like we want the least amount of apps on our phone.

But every dude is like, I have an idea for an app. Every guy you meet's like, I'm building. I know guys who have been building this app right now. And you're like, OK. Yeah. But you actually did. Yeah. Well, tell me what the app was.

Well, I was studying computer science. That was my major. And all my friends were getting internships. And I didn't get a single internship, like the whole college. I would just go home for the summer and go to the lake and stuff like that. And it was just like lazy. Yeah.

So senior year came. And they all had jobs lined up, and I didn't. And I was like, well, the way I can get a job is because everyone wants an app right now and everyone's working on their own apps or whatever. I'll just make my own app, and I'll make it a really simple idea just so I could teach myself how to do it.

Because computer science in college is a lot of just- I mean, the guy fails the dinosaur class. And he's like, oh, and I basically built my own app. I mean, in what world could you or- But this is like real entrepreneurship. Who the fuck can build an app? Because entrepreneurs don't always- Do you know what it did, though?

What? It just put random captions on pictures. So it's not like I was making Facebook or anything like that. I just- it would take a picture of someone, or you'd upload one from your camera roll, and it would just put like dildo, or like- It would just make it a meme. That's great.

Yeah, but that's so smart. I mean- And then you sold it? Yeah. Yeah. So you got paid for your dumb app idea? Yeah. It was really lucky.

I bet you did better than a lot of the people who got jobs. I definitely did. Because the job was great, and I got to move to California, which is like what I always wanted. So you took your money from that? Yeah, I made like 120 grand, 60 grand cash, 60 grand in stock in the startup that I was working for, because they hired me in the process.

And I spent all the money on like, you know, well, most of it on like, I don't know, just like living my first year at Shakespeare's. Yeah. Strip clubs and stuff. Yeah, yeah. All the strip clubs in Palo Alto. Yeah, so high.

Best strippers in the country. And then I worked for the startup for two years, and then eventually quit, and then they went under, so the equity didn't turn into anything. So it's not like I'm here. But here's the thing, when do you realize, OK, so I'm always fascinated by like the YouTube making videos. Do you know how to edit, or do you

figure that out when you start doing videos? Yeah, I didn't know how. You didn't know how? No. Because that's another thing that I would say is the consistent thing I've seen amongst the YouTubers that I think are actually funny, like really funny, is the editing is superior, right?

Like you did that. I feel like Ethan Klein, like the edits are, it's not just like making a fun, like I'm a funny personality. It's that moment when you cut. Like it's the same thing when you watch, you know, a great sketch or something. It's like the edit has to work, like in a movie, you watch a good movie, the edit can ruin or make the movie.

But your editing is, you know how to make it funny. It's funnier because you edit well. Thank you, man. I appreciate it. I, for a long time, pride in myself on that and would edit every single one of my videos. Now I have a guy that I work with, but he got the job because I posted a tweet that was like,

hey, I'm really looking for an editor, and send your whatever you're, whatever it's called. Your real? Your real, yeah, your real, thanks. Send your real to my email address, and he basically took it upon himself to make a video exactly in my style and edited it exactly as I would have edited it,

and sent it to me, and I was like, this is perfect. And I hired him on the spot, and he's been just nailing it ever since. But it took me a long time to really find someone that could do that. How long did it take before you realized that what you were doing on YouTube wasn't like just, like, you know, everyone can open an account,

start posting things, where like, when did it, how long did it take before you like, this is a real following building, people are, you know, this is really growing? I mean, it was a while before it was substantial enough where I could like, actually make it a full-time job. Uh-huh. Like, I had a lot of followers on Vine.

That's how I started doing digital stuff. You were at Vine? Yeah, you were at Vine there, okay. And that's important too, the editing, the timing of things, that short form. Yeah, that's why it was cool for me, because there was no editing. It was just, you know, you put,

touch your thumb down on the screen, and that was the whole creation process. And so like, the, making videos was a lot less daunting and stuff. At that point, it was like, I'm not gonna buy a DSLR and teach myself this when I'm trying to be a programmer. And so, this was like an easy way

to start making comedy videos. And then eventually I built an audience on there, and then that went under. And so I had to start from scratch on YouTube. You started from scratch? Pretty much, like, I was like, vlogging in the start of my videos were getting, I don't know, like 10,000 views,

which is not enough to make it a full-time thing. Right. And so I really had to like, learn what style suited me. You know, like what style of editing and the length of content, like it's a whole different ball game. Fine was like six seconds every time, and you just make one punchline. But you've done it really well, man.

Really well. On YouTube, it's incredible, right? And it's long, I mean, long form. Like it's 21 minutes, I noticed, right? 20 minutes. Sometimes, yeah. Yeah, the Darman one was like around 20, wasn't it? Yeah.

Yeah, it's so fascinating. Tom and I talk about this. We're fascinated with YouTubers because it's such a different world than like the stand-up comedy world. Everybody gets into our own world. You know what I mean? So we're like so, we had such blinders on

to just our stand-up world. No, but you guys were like, I mean, pioneers in like the video podcast world. That's just as much YouTubing as what we do. I think we've discovered that. Yeah. Like over time. Yeah.

You know? But like. Oh yeah, that's true, I forgot about that. Yeah. Like Joe Rogan and you know, people that have been on doing video podcasts for a long time. That's like one of the main. A lot of people have slept on them.

Great things with the platform. It was this long. Long form podcast. Long form podcast. Yeah. Yeah. But we didn't realize like, I remember I was telling somebody that I think Bert Kreischer first told me,

he was like, oh, you know, H3. Like he, and I was like, what's that? And he was like, they're these YouTubers and they're really funny. And I was like, okay. Yeah. Like that's just like, I think stand-up cynicism. Right?

We think we're the best. That's just the truth. Well, I used to think that like, whenever when somebody says like someone's really funny and they're not a comic, I'm like, bullshit. Yeah. But then I watched one of the videos and I was like, oh, this is actually really funny.

Yeah. Those really funny. I thought the same thing about your video. But it has like opened my eyes, I think to like, just like, you know, there's so much more out there. Yeah. And it's almost back. This all goes back to Greg Lugain

is hitting his head on the dime. Yeah. Yeah. There's just so much out there. Yeah. It definitely is a lot. It's easier to do a YouTube video than it is to do an open mic.

Right. So you just get a lot more, you know. Is it though? Or to do it well. What's daunting about the YouTube world from what I see as an outsider, it's like you have to take into consideration what people are commenting.

And then there's like this other YouTuber that you've got beef with. And then you guys go through that. Like there's so much going on in the YouTube world. Yeah. But I just mean like the barrier of the barrier to entry. Oh. Oh, right.

Yeah. You know, that's why you get so much like, here's what I got from Trader Joe's. Yeah. Yeah. And you're not gonna go through an open mic and say your grocery list. Yeah.

You will get it. You will on open mic. You'll see some pretty interesting things. Yeah. I think I've probably done that before. There's people who have gone to open mics and you're like, I hope you don't do this anymore. Yeah.

That's true. Because in our world like you will get shit on so hard that you will not want to do it again. Yeah. Did you deal with that? Because this is something I think that happens. No matter what like your content is, where when you started to build a real following,

did you have the moment where you had your first, I don't know if it's even happened like backlash video where you get heavily critiqued about something and you're like, like it's an emotional ride. You're like, Jesus, everyone's shitting out. Like, has that happened to you? Yes. Yeah, that's happened to me.

I've also like, I kind of feel like now I've been on the internet for so long that it's like people just start to not like you anymore and they start to like the old you. Right. It's like, and I'm getting a lot of that now. Especially like with the Darman video and stuff. It's like people that like the first two versions

are very vocal about the fact that this one is not me. It's like, dude, you've changed, man. You've changed. It's like, but I'm almost 30. Like I'm not gonna fucking just. You should be exactly as you were at 18 though, man. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

It's so lame that you've been evolving. Yeah. That's true because people will critique your mom's house for that very thing. Like I liked it better when you guys were just to broke, you know, childless people in Silver Lake. And it's like, yeah. Sorry.

We have kids and we have a mortgage and like we just, we evolved and we try to still be fun, but you know. Yeah, things. You have to change. People changes. People changes, but we're still stupid, right, Tom? That's right. It's still seventh grade.

I still went to Lenore Ryan College. That'll never change. It'll never change. Never change. You're comfortable in the water. Would you ever do something like this? We're in neutral. We're in reverse.

Okay. Oh shit. Is that a shark? Yes. Yeah, dude. Watch this. What the fuck? Get on the boat, right here.

Wait, now wait. It's like, wait till you see. Oh, it touched it. Oh, fuck. Get on the boat. Dude. Oh, look. Dude, that's a.

Look. That's not a basking shark, dude. Did he not know? Did he not know? I think he thought it was like a nurse shark or something. And he jumps out there. I think it was like a fucking great white man. I was pretty chill about that too.

Bro, that's not a basking shark, dude. We're not in cages anymore, dude. Oh yeah. Yeah. A basking shark doesn't attack humans, but that fucking thing does. I'd be like. Oh my God.

Get on the boat. Dude, he's like, I touched it, bro. Would you isolate that? That's not a basking shark. So great. Yeah, he did. He absolutely, by the way, I think to keep his friend from panicking and diaring

immediately stopped himself from saying great white. He's like, that's a. Get in the boat. Like what was this again? He's like. Yeah, we're in neutral. Look at how big the fucking fin is. It's huge.

It's huge. Oh, shit. Rider. I don't know. Lawlin. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. Lawlin. Oh, I touched it. Oh, fuck. Dude, that's a. Yeah. That's a basking shark, dude.

Not a basking shark. I'm gonna show him the video and be like, look at this fucking thing. He almost died. Dude, that's a get in the boat, dude. Get in the boat, bro. Get in the boat. Oh my God.

Yes, I would do that. I would do that. You would do that. I would do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you would dive beautifully in. Yeah, that's for sure. My dive would be a lot better than he did.

Guys, check out Cody's dive on this. Oh my God. And you get mangled. We're like, yeah, but did you see the beginning when he jumped in? Front, two and a half, two, two and a half. Perfect dive. Do you ever flex on people when you're at a resort

and you're walking by the pool and you're like, check this shit out. You just dive in. Back triple. I, the thing about diving is if you stop doing it, you lose it. Yeah. Because it's so unnatural that you'd lose that muscle memory

like right away, because your whole intuition is for your body to protect your head. You're never supposed to like, you know, your body is like anti-land this way. You have to train yourself to do that. Oh, right. And then if you don't do that, then you lose that. That's amazing.

And it goes quickly. Yeah, oh yeah. Would it be a kind of thing where if you took, I don't know, during the year, maybe summer or something, you go home, like you get back diving, you're like, wow, I'm super sloppy right now. Like if you had a few weeks off from.

Oh yeah, yeah. I mean, totally. Yeah, yeah. That would happen every single year. Are you a surfer? Yeah. Yeah, no. Are you?

Oh yeah, I'm a professional. I've attempted. Okay. I'm terrible, but you know, it's so cool. It's so nice being out there. Oh, I love it. I love it. It's such a pure, like I started probably

four years ago now and only really started taking it seriously, like probably two years ago. Like, and I'll do it like every single day. Oh, every day? Yeah, because like, you kind of have to, if you want to get better as a 30 year old, it's like. See, I mastered it early and I got bored with it. And then I just kind of moved on.

Yeah, I know you man. I'm not into surfing anymore. Oh my God. Cause I just did it like the summer. I took a lesson with my friend and I was so exhausted. I was like, I'm too old to get into this again. Like you can do it at 30, 44. I'm like, but it's still fun.

It's still nice to be out there. Yeah. Oh yeah. It's like very soothing. Yeah. And it's also like the only thing in my life that I'm slowly getting better at that has no other, there's no social aspect to it. It's just so, that's what I mean by pure.

It's like, I go out, I get a little bit better every single time. Yeah. And you just don't, you don't do that anymore, you know? You don't have a hobby that you just do it for the joy of doing it. Yeah, exactly. It's like, no money involved, no nothing.

I just go out there, I just do it because I love it. Yeah. That's actually very cool. We were just talking about that. And then you can do that for the rest of your life really, you know? Yeah. And taking, we go into Costa Rica when you're 70,

shredding. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. How's your pop up, bro? It's getting better, I think. That's the hardest part. Yeah. Hurray.

This one you'll like though, Jean. Hi, baboon. Look soon. Oh does he, oh yeah. He's being aggressive. Oh shit. When they open their mouths like that, it's not good.

He doesn't like you already. Oh. It's like, oh fuck you. Fuck. Uh oh, Galloway bitch. Oh shit. Oh, that's a poop. He threw shit at them, yeah.

Oh fuck. Yeah. It's on her face. Oh no. Hey, can I tell you something though? Yeah. I learned this from listening to Joe Rogan. Yeah.

When a monkey shows their teeth, it's a sign of aggression. Major aggression. And you need to teach your kids, hey man, back the fuck up. This animal wants to attack you. So I think this is a great lesson to teach your kids. When you see monkeys in the wild.

What up? Ah, doing that shit to you. Oh like it's not a smile. It's not a smile. It's not a smile. It is aggression. And really the interesting thing about champs too is that they will show you their teeth

and then as if you're a man, they'll bite your fingers off, they'll rip your testicles off. Oh nice, charming. They'll rip your teeth, your jaw out of your face and they'll peel strips of your skin off your back like they're pieces of bacon. Kind of cool.

I think we learned this when we were on Joe's show. No. We're talking about this with him. I watched this in a documentary where a chimp trainer was like, you have no idea how much these animals will fuck you up. Jesus Christ. Yeah.

Yeah, don't fuck with animals. Why are you fucking with the animal? It doesn't want anything to do with you and then you throw fucking kibbles at it or whatever. Yeah, they were like, I mean, you know, she doesn't know. No, but the parents need to know. Teach your kids, you dumb shit. You're okay.

Is there anything funnier than gagging? I know. Like someone almost throwing out the funniest thing in the entire world. I hate it. Wipe your kid off, dude, stop filming. Yeah. What are you doing?

There's like rabies in the fucking poop problem. Her face is like, there's shit on my face. Yeah, tend to your kid. Yeah, well, it was a good video. I'm glad you recorded actually. Yeah, so am I. It was important. It was important.

It was more fun for us. You know, Halloween's coming up. I love hallowed jeans. I was on your platform, The Talk. Oh, cool. And I found this talk by random. I randomly scrolling. Are we gonna do talks now?

Should we go into the segment? We can, we can. Are you on The Talk? Take it, yeah. Tiktok o'clock? Tiktok o'clock, let's do it. Oh, shit. You bitches were looking for me.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bitch, here I go. That's our TikTok segment intro. Is this a video I'm supposed to be watching? No. So this one though, by random, I'm watching this video. I'll tell you about this after.

First, just watch the video, okay? Thinking. Dude, I work fucking 60 hours of goddamn weight to pay for my shit. What the fuck are you doing? What's your name? Mine, I'm not telling you my name, but I really do apologize.

I want you to know that. Well, you're fucking getting blasted, motherfucker. Me and my brother do shit, like we're actually like down syndrome or something, you know what I mean? You're down syndrome? Not down syndrome, but you know what I mean? Like we're just retarded, like we're sure the fuck are. I can get the money, I'm going to a job.

So what? That's the talk, but here's the thing. I see this video, I'm scrolling, and then I'm reading the description, and it says, hashtag YMH, hashtag your mom's house podcast, and I'm like, what? And then I go to this guy's profile, and he's like, your mom's house brought me here,

the madness kept me here. So this guy joined TikTok, and this has a million plates on TikTok, this video. Hold on, this kid joined? Or the guy filming it? No, the guy filming, the guy filming joined, he said, because of this podcast, and then tagged our, even though, you know,

I just saw it afterwards, and I was like, what? But he was like, this, I'm tagging them in. And then the rest of these here are from Christina's curations. Yeah, all right, so here we go. Let's see, Christina finds what she likes to call, just so you know, Cody, dark talks. The TikToks that TikTok doesn't want you to see. Okay.

This is it. I go off the algorithm. Yeah, right, it's like the darkness. Yeah, it's like, you know, regular TikToks, like, oh, I'm doing a fun dance, I made cupcakes and stuff, and that's not what Christina pulls. Because people will be like,

have you heard of so-and-so? And I'm like, nope, that's not my feed, bro, I do independent talks. You ever come across weird drug ones, where people are like super high on heroin? All the time. And they have like three likes? Yeah, yes, that's what I like.

That's where she pulls. All the comments are like, been there, bro, been there. And you're like, how did I end up on this? Who has been here? Who has been there? There's a crazy one, there's like a meth lady with like holes in her face right now, and I don't want to bring it on to this, man.

I'm seeing what's in the folder, and it's... It's disturbing, I hope you're ready, ready? Yeah, I'm strapped in, let's do it. Okay, here we go. Hi there, Barry Helman here. Message to our followers, the people who are treating men and women, treat her right. Stop disrespecting women, men and women,

out there and the other people, because women make the world go round. Show love towards women. There you go. Barry Helman here. He likes to say his name before every... Again, Barry Helman. This is Christina's algorithm.

I mean, he's right though, you know? You should, you should. You should, yeah, you should. Men and women, men and women with this bag. Men and women, everybody should be nice people. Yeah. Hey, y'all. Oh, no.

I've been drinking Sprite for the past couple of days, in Jim's rail, because I don't drink my undue when I'm sick, so hopefully when I'm done being sick, I'm gonna go back to drinking my my undue, but I just don't drink it when I'm sick. What the fuck? How the fuck? Well, she's saying, guys, if you understand,

is that she's not drinking her Mountain Dew now because she's sick, and then she'll go back to drinking Mountain Dew when she's done. I think we all put it together. Oh, I didn't know you guys were asking you if you looked befuddled by that. I didn't understand a single word that she said. So when she's not feeling well,

she's more of a Sprite gal. Right, I got it. And then when she's done with this illness, she will resume drinking Mountain Dew. Do we know what the illness is? I'm sorry? Do we know her illness? I don't know.

I think, I don't wanna guess. But it's the one that goes with Sprite, is there an illness or does she just have no teeth? Oh, well, that's prerequisite for these talks, is no teeth. Oh, this is one by the way that is not in the, but I just wanted to show Cody this one too, because I don't know, it's stuck with me.

Oh, no. No. Shoot it. Grill, watch. There you go. I thought he was gonna hit his brain or something. I was really waiting for something crazy to happen. He just shorts out.

But he's so proud of his earwax. I was just made aware of the followers that I had, that they have been unfollowed, and the majority of mine that I follow are usually the ones that I follow. I'm not sure if they're the ones that I follow, but they're the ones that I follow. And the majority of mine that I follow

are usually musicians, that I support upcoming artists on every media that I have. But if you send me a message and want to be followed, I will definitely follow everyone that lets me know, because majority does not wanna be followed by me. What? So send me a message and you are instantly followed.

Innocently? That was one of the most confusing statements. That was like a complete figure eight. Yeah. What's going on? How do I decipher what had just happened? So Alice is a lady who, she's 63, and she's really in good shape,

she's really skinny, and she's got these huge tits. She's got some milkers. Big dumpy flap wagons, and I was curious about them, so I put it on my stories, and then she made a response on TikTok, like these are my breasts, blah, blah, blah, but what I like about her is that she's 63

and doesn't understand how social media works. She's treating her followers like they're just like, do you know what I mean? Like she has to address every single one of them. I'm fascinated by old people on social media. Can I show you one? Yeah. Okay, hold on.

Love that. Let me, can I just play it into the mic? Sure. This is one of my favorite ones. Is it your favorite talk? She, it's like this 95 year old grandma, and she's like, I'm so bored. I just want a boyfriend.

Oh, I know her. Yeah, oh yeah. I just want someone to dance with. I just want to get someone to dance with. No, we cannot go dancing. Yeah, because of COVID. She's like, yeah. Is that what it is?

Yeah, okay. I know what you're talking about. I thought that she like brain farted or something and just immediately like went back on what she just said. It was because it was early in the pandemic, and she was like, I like to go dancing. Wait, no, I can't go dancing. No, no dancing.

Yeah, she's great. I don't know where she's been though. She may be dead. I'll tell you where she's been. Yeah, she's done around. Yeah. To your next talk, here we go. Yeah, go ahead.

Welcome to our butt stuff video part two. Nice. This is crucial information. Again, if you're not over 18 or you're just not into butt stuff, please keep scrolling. Okay, guys, here's the good part. The anus is a circular muscle. At normal resting state, that muscle is super clenched

to make it relax, take some nice deep breaths in and out. And release all that tension. Now gently lubricate a finger. I can feel it. Insert it about an inch in, slide the finger over, up or down, and feel that circular muscle just release and relax. Is this your app that you created?

It's actually a desired relaxation point. It is hip and you're ready to go. Make sure you're slow on entry, but with all this preparation. Why are you talking like this? If you're gonna be engaged. Dude, doctors on TikTok freak me out. Cause they all try to educate,

but in a trendy way to people that are having sex all the time. It's so weird. Right away, though, if you see this guy's video and you walk into a doctor's office and you see this guy, I'm like, nah, this guy's posting how to finger myself. I don't want him checking me out. I went to a doctor who's off of TikTok all the time.

Doesn't even know it exists. Yeah, there's plastic surgeons that post the surgeons. I know. I'm so against it. Yeah, I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I actually feel like I love watching chiropractic videos.

I like them. On YouTube, there's a bunch of them, and they're very soothing, but I told myself, if I saw one of these guys, I wouldn't want them to be like, I have my video taped. I'd be like, no, dude, just fucking adjust me. I'm not here for the content.

I want you to fix my back. He's like, come on, this is LA. Come on, man. Come on, let's shoot it, we'll put it up. It'll be great. No, no. It's like the attorneys that advertise on television, you know, I'm back, like, I'm Larry H. Parker.

Yeah, yeah. You're shady. Now, you want, here's the way, you want a lawyer who somebody wealthier than you refers you to, like this guy. You can kill someone, this guy, that's who you want. And someone who's like, you can't afford me, like, okay, give me his number.

That's the one. That's the guy, he never advertises. No. You know, he's just, he's got people that'll break into your house and steal your shit, like that kind of stuff. Yeah, that's the lawyer you want. Oh, there she is.

I carry telepathy. I'm clairvoyant. It is true. It is psychiatric certified that it's true. And so if I tell you something, please take that series. There it is. That's the end of the video. That's how it ends.

She's on drugs. Remember we were talking earlier about the drug people? Yeah, you were serious when you said dark TikTok. That's wild. She's clairvoyant though. That is pretty neat. But you're right. She's got like the three likes and then the comments

that are like, I've been there, I hear voices too. It's like, yeah, exactly, the comments. Amen, sister. Yeah. Like, why don't we see this on Instagram or Twitter? Or is it, are they just better at like hiding it? Thank you. Why is TikTok the one platform

that literally everybody uses? I agree. I don't know. Reels is fucking dog shit. I can't access anything as pure as this on Reels. I think it's because the algorithm's designed to show you aspirational behaviors, money, beauty, things. This is more of an equal platform.

Everybody's welcome. But it does feel like, I don't know, like from my perspective, if you go get an unsophisticated, technologically speaking, you know, person onto a platform, I would think they would be drawn to the other ones first. Like for some, TikTok seems, you know, from the outside like, oh, that, you know,

there's music and duets. It's too complicated. Yeah, I think it would be more complicated for people, but it seems to be like the easy one to go to. Oh, I see what you're saying. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, like it's harder to interpret what the fuck is. I mean, I don't know, Instagram is like a behemoth now.

Yeah. Trying to use Instagram for the first time now with all the different forms of posting there is. Too much shit. At least there's like one feed of videos. They flagged us a lot. Maybe? Instagram. Yeah. They fucking suck.

Instagram. They flagged us? Yeah, they flagged me all the time. Oh, really? Yeah, I get messages like from my agent. They're like, hey, they hit us up. Like, you gotta take the shit down. You gotta take your full frontal nudity.

You should know by now it's not allowed. Yeah, you're posting like Pierce Paris shitting out his balls. That's on Twitter. That's for Twitter. I don't know how it's anything, but Instagram, because Facebook owns them, they'll just like,

because Facebook is so like a confusing platform where they allow politicians to make false claims. They're like, we're not gonna supervise or call any of that. You can make any claim you want, post about it, and that's good. On Twitter? No, Facebook. Oh, Facebook, Facebook, okay.

Facebook, like they, you know, Zuckerberg testified, like we're not. Right, right, right, right, right. We don't care. Like, people are believing all this misinformation. He's like, well, but then like you post a photo they don't like, and they're like, we'll delete your account.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't even have a nudity, man. Just my friend's face covered and cum. Like, just silly stuff, you know. Yeah. It's just silly stuff. Listen, you tick-tock fucking losers. And I mean, you're fucking losers.

Most of you are liars, cheats, and thieves. And as an older person, I fucking know this. So eat, shit, and die. This is how we all feel, but yeah, he's just saying it, like, good, good on him. Yeah, I like how it ends. I love it. He should die.

Don't know that the time limit. Yeah, that's great. You can't see the giant bar across the screen going like this. Just wanna say hi to everyone. Hope everybody's having a blessed day. Babe. And I'll let everyone get down on the flip-flop.

Yep. What does it say at the end? I don't know. Can we move on? Get down on the flip-flop. Yeah. God. I mean, what?

It's funny that the tick-tock algorithm is, like, so, like, intelligent. Like, it'll show you exactly what you want to see. And then it'll sprinkle in a little this. It tried. It's like, hey, you might like this. Have you tried foie gras? Yeah.

Because it tries to give me, like, white girls like doing cute dances. And I'm like, nah, but fuck that shit. So this guy, just so you know, I've really taken a liking to this guy. He's an entrepreneur. Yeah, yeah. Well, he's an entrepreneur, started a business.

He is also, he does the thing where he always says hello to, like, women, his above-18 crowd. OK, OK. Like, he makes the distinction. OK. Good morning, above-18. OK. And then he's like, let's see those boobs.

OK. So he's, that's what I know he's into so far. Hold on. Let me get my glasses on. Is he wearing a collar? He's got a choker on. I couldn't see what it is. Oh, OK.

Oh, it's one of my beautiful queens above-18. Well, good morning, dear. You look so beautiful today. You on your way to work or on your way to college? Is he on a phone call? Oh, OK. You have a beautiful day. You enjoy your time out.

And remember, the king loves you above-18. You look very beautiful today. I love the outfit. You are going to find a king someday, very special man, that's going to treat you like a queen. He talks like Trump. Very beautiful today, my queen. You enjoy your day.

OK. Have a good day. All right. Jesus. I know. He's repetitive. This is like, this is the same thing. He doesn't know how it works.

Yeah, he doesn't know how it works. That's so bizarre watching this. He's like, what's the goal? Is he sending a DM? Or how do you accidentally post that publicly? Yeah, why would you post that? I think as soon as I start, I'd be like, oh, don't post this. This is like, we've always seen the ones where the guys are

like, I miss you. I want you to come back to me. And you're like, you don't need to post that. You can just send that to someone. I don't think they know, though. Yeah, I get this. He thinks that this went right to the beautiful above-18. This is a full conversation.

Yeah. But you guys don't get it. Is his shirt business in here? It's coming, yeah. But you don't understand that, like, to the queens who are above-18. Like, he's talking to us. You know what I mean?

I'm on my way to college. I send him a snapshot of what I'm wearing. And by the way, somebody who is now, and that I've seen a number of his videos, who is so careful to constantly point out that he's talking to you if you're above-18, has made such an error before. Like, he has accidentally had deep,

like, deep encounters with somebody who wasn't 18. Of course. Who is this? This guy. That's why he's doing it. Like, you don't make, you're not always, like, again. Oh, I see what you're saying.

If you're 18 or over, I'm saying hi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, unless you fuck that up horrifically. Yeah. I don't think he's, I don't think it's because he accidentally commented on his 17-year-olds. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Somebody was like, way younger. He's like, hey! Making the point. Gotta be 18. When I block your cotton box, and then I go for a half-sorting strike to your face, I'll wait. Well, I mean, I'll be honest.

The flow of combat, it's never that simple, just a one-two move combo. However, if I were to see it in actual combat, it would be locked in high guard, switched to half-sorting. So I'd half-sort myself. Oh, you're holding the blade right now. Blocked, you're holding the blade.

You're holding the blade. Dude, just engage. Give myself this engage. This meaty fist around the globe. Yeah, we need it. Beautiful underbelly. Yeah, man. So these are guys that just give lessons on combat.

These are nerds who play video games and think they can do sword play in real life. And they're like, this is how I would kill the hobbit or whatever stupid shit they're doing. But he was trying to own the first guy. I think so. The first guy did his video and then he stitched in and was like, actually dude!

Really, that's how the move goes, what about this? Yeah, right where I'm blocking like this. Yeah, he definitely got that right. Try to school the other nerd. Horse riding is not vegan. Oh boy. Horses' bodies don't exist for humans to put cords around their mouths, sit on their backs,

and take over their bodies just for our pleasure. Important. We can care and love for horses without using their bodies as objects. Go vegan. Wow. Well, it's official. Everybody's a victim to some regard.

Even the horse community is now in need of advocacy. Everyone's got a cause, you guys. Even the horses. I fucking hate horses. Do you like horses? No. I'm severely allergic. You are?

I go walk near horses and I'm just a mess. Yeah, they're just, could never do it. It's even better that you're here because we're very anti-horse here. That's amazing. That's why I came on, actually. Yeah, thank you. No, I was in summer camp, it was probably like 10

or something like that and I went horse riding because that was part of summer camp and my horse was in the one in the back and it stayed to eat some shit and I'm like, go, go, fucking go. And then it like lifted its head and saw the rest of the group was way past the field and it just went full gallop.

Oh no. And I almost got bucked off and I cried for like two days. Yeah, that's scary. And now that, yeah. That's terrifying. That's why I don't like them either. It's crazy how strong they are.

They're just such powerful animals. Yeah, I didn't like riding them either. Yeah. It's too much. I hated it. It's scary and it hurts your butt. And I'm gonna try something. I'm gonna put the chicken on pineapples.

If you guys are looking for your new recipe. Babe. What is this? Brown sugar. This is the fat retard. Babe. Yeah, some of this. Thank you.

This is fat retard. I got, I know, you don't have to. Look what she's cooking. She's putting brown sugar in barbecue sauce. I don't want to make this. And then pineapple. I mean, it's so much sugar. This is what it looks like.

I'm gonna take the chicken and put it over some rice. I'm gonna cook a little rice and eat rice with this. That looks fine. I'm gonna put it over rice. Yeah, I got it. This is what it looks like. But what is she gonna eat it with? Rice.

I got it. Put it over rice. I got it. This is what it looks like. She said like six times. Jesus. No, she is not holding me as captage. Oh yes sir, I am holding him as captage.

See this motherfucker, I'm holding him as captage. As captage? As cabbage? I'm holding him as captage. As cat piss? Hi everyone. All the haters out there. Look at this.

Cabbage. And I can't smile if he can smile too. He's my son-in-law. Fuck all the haters. That kid has is, he got kidnapped I feel like. Being held cabbage. God. What?

I got it. Are you talked out? No. If you're a talked out, you can tap out. It's a lot. My feet is not for everyone. Today I'm beginning to discuss a fun topic. Satanism and evil.

So to start this off, I need to define what evil means. He's reading off a script. In short, evil as an adjective is when something's profoundly evil or good or absent of good. In the following videos, I'll compare ideas, present, and say. The high school paper of Satan with this definition. Why is he reading?

If you like my videos, check out the comments for the link to a Discord server I've created. Thanks for watching. Hail yourself and Hail Satan. That's the new dark web is like Satan Discord servers. Hail Satan. Now, would you say you're a professional YouTuber and, you know, Viner?

Like reading off a prompter or a script is not the way to go, right? Like the way I do my videos, most of them now, like individually on my channel, is I'll write, I'll like loosely script it. And then I'll just, I'll keep looking at the screen, but if I'm like reacting to something, it just looks like I'm watching whatever it is.

Right. Or it looks like I'm glancing away for a second. But you're not like. No, I'm not like, you can't see my eyes moving like this. Yeah, it's ridiculous. All right, old fashioned nerd. I am also of the green lantern core. I am ready for battle.

I may not be able to uniform as well as you, but I have my own uniform. My own look, and I'm ready for battle just as well as you are. Okay. Thank you. Oh, fuck. What happens to boys that they want to fight and battle?

Well, this is a guy, this is your typical guy who hasn't actually done anything. Yeah. He starts living in fantasies, right? Like he's, I don't know, you know, how old is he, 30 something? And he's like, I can battle you green. It's all fantasy.

Cause he didn't actually, you know what I mean? Yeah, I do stuff. Yeah, he didn't sign up for anything real. So now he's making videos. I'm gonna fight you like green lantern. Plus I've ever held a sword. It's very heavy. It's awesome.

It's pretty awesome. Makes you feel super powerful. It does. I bet. A real sword though. Crave me something to drink. Subway, baby. Subway, baby.

Now, this one was interesting because it was like, if you want something to drink. Yeah. Subway, is Subway known for its drinks? Real good sprite, no good sprite there. Their sprite hits a little bit different at Subway. You want something to drink? Subway dog.

That's where it's at. I think the cookies are usually the thing that you eat. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, the cookies are good. There's definitely not the subs. No, it's not. What's up guys?

Trump 2020. All right. Go Trump. Very cool. Very cool. Don't like to get too political on the show. No, that was a good one. I mean, look, he's just telling you

who he's gonna vote for you. Yeah. It's a good thing to know. Okay. Hey guys, I'm looking for a new girlfriend. I don't have nobody right now. So I'm looking for a new girlfriend. That's it?

I'm here. That's good. Do you think he got a lot of response? God damn it. So we can go dancing. When you're single, do you do a post like that? Or you're like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, Yeah, that's how I met Kelsey.

Yeah. My girlfriend, yeah. Just like this. Just like this, yeah. He's a divine. Yeah, I need a girlfriend. She's like, he looks really sad. Hit him up.

Somebody please be my girlfriend. Hey guys, I'm watching Netflix. I'm watching Full House. This is my kid right here. She's watching Full House too, right? Yeah. I am watching Full House. All right.

And then I have my other kids over here. So yeah, we're watching Full House right now. Don't want to know what you're doing. Oh, that's the guy. Oh, that's the guy. Oh, that's the guy. He's single. He's showing you his interest.

Mentally not, like, you know. What? He's single. He's single. That's what we were talking about. Now he's single. He's single. Yep, you're right.

He is single. Mentally single, right? Mentally single. OK, yeah, he's mentally single. There's only one thing up there. Jesus. OK, I think we got to end this here a lot. I bet you your body's rocking.

21 years old. What's he wearing? Oh, yeah. You have a wonderful day, baby. The king loves you. OK, what a beast, man. He's like. Where's the one I sent you, the cool girl?

Is it in this folder? It's the last one in that folder. Just close on her, if you can't do much more. I understand. Sometimes these are too heavy. It's pretty exhausting. It's an emotional rollercoaster. This has been a lot.

It really has been. Lucky you, Tinder. I'm sick of your fucking bullshit. Thank you for fucking banning me. TikTok, what's up? This is now my dating app. You think I'm cute? You like fat bitches?

You're above 18? Hit me up. Doesn't matter what gender. We can work with whatever. It will go in my mouth either way. Why don't we link her with the king? Yeah, that's fucking perfect. And what a beautiful one to close out your top segment.

Thank you, Christina. Well, I just thought it's rare that you see a cool girl. We deal with a lot of cool guys on this show. Yeah, we sure do. The girls are a rare commodity. Yep, yep. Oh my god. Cody, would you answer an ad like that?

Where she's like, I don't give a shit, whatever. If you were single, I mean, obviously, you would cancel it right now. Obviously, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you know, you know what? I think TikTok is weird in how much it is a dating app. That's really, yes. Yeah, definitely.

There's DMs, yeah, right? Yeah, yeah. But, I mean, the amount of public horniness on TikTok is astronomical. I know. It's so much more than Instagram and Twitter. And Twitter, it's bad sometimes. Twitter, it's like, you get old dudes publicly.

Jack and their D. Jack, yeah, yeah, yeah, pictures of it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, do you know, yeah, you saw what you're responsible for, right? What? Did you see the WhatsApp group this morning?

No. Oh, why don't you open it? Oh, okay, sorry. Is this with the clients? Yep, and no, the other one. There should be some activity. Okay, is this Lance Smith on TikTok? Is that what you're asking me?

No, no, no, no, no, give me this. Come on, man. I hate WhatsApp. I never get notified, my notifications are always off. You guys gotta get Telegram. Is that the new thing? Yeah, it's the best. Telegram.

So, this is a wit yesterday, two cents that, right? I have at least 2,000 of these in my DMs. Oh, right, right, but then go to the conversation. Go to the conversation. Jesus Christ. What does it say? After what Ethan wrote? Yeah.

None of your fans are circumcised. My feedback will be for him to get circumcised. Go back up though, how it starts. I'm so scared. Christina asked our fans to send her dick pics. Yeah. She's swimming. Oh yeah, that's right, to send Whitney dick pics.

They did. I got it. So what, her DMs were just filled with dick pics? Yeah, she's like, I got thousands of this dick pics. Oh no. Christina, yeah. Oh no. I'm sorry, Whitney, I didn't know.

I'm sorry, I didn't think people actually did it. People will do it unprompted. Yeah, so if you tell them, you don't really like dick pics. Oh no, I'm so sorry. Send it to her. Do it, show them. She'll love it. I gotta text her.

And the best part is that you are unaware that we're all having this conversation for like an hour. And you're in the group. I know, I just don't get notified. All right, that was really horrible. Those are some big dicks. That's what we were talking about. Some huge dicks in there.

Jeez. Wow. But now is that truth or is that just scale from? Well, some people were saying scale, but you know, I think there's some real talent in there from what I could see. Those did not look like fake big dicks. Have you sent people your D?

No. Never. No, never. Never done it. You get hit up, you know? You're a good looking guy, you're successful. I mean, they know you have a girlfriend, but do you still get hit up by hoes?

No, not anymore. But you used to. Because our relationship is very public and I feel like people know that we're deeply in love. So? Third. So what? Yeah, okay.

You gotta shoot your shot, I guess. Fucking, who cares? Yeah, yeah. No, but people know, like, I don't know. It used to happen and now it doesn't happen anymore. Maybe I just got, I don't know, fatter or something like that. You used to get, like, hoe pics? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. They send their Vaj or the whole body? No, not Vaj. Just Vaj. Vaj is really aggressive. For a chick to be like, here's my puss. Yeah.

Like, that's super aggro. Like, with that caption, too. Yeah. Yeah. I'd want to see my puss. I mean, I'm trying to imagine, though, if you're a guy and someone's just like, you like this snatch, you're like, um, I think that like,

I think that like, just the fact that you sent me this means you are way too much of an animal. Right. I thought I'd hit you with my handwaller real quick before. Yeah, it's like. Well, cause like, just a floating snatch, is that attractive? Like just a disembodied vagina.

Oh, that's right. That's what, what's her name did? She did that like a couple of weeks ago. Who? Trish. Oh. She posed, but that wasn't a DM. That's what it was.

That was a public, yeah. That was a public post. Like on Twitter or what? Yeah. It's like, here's, really? Can you find, can you pull it out there? Well, it was so. I want Cody to see it.

You watching their podcast? I want Cody to enjoy. Unbelievable. Really? It's unbelievable. I love Ethan's open disdain for her, like, to her face. Yeah, I know. It's so funny.

He's like, oh God. Yeah, he's. Oh my God. Ethan dressing like that girl. That's one. Look, look, look, that's her asshole pic, but you scroll down a few more. Oh, I didn't realize it was like this, like.

Oh yeah. A little bit more. Almost there. There it is. She posted that, and she said, who's eating? Yeah. 18 plus new pussy-lickin' vid up. I can't look away.

I can't look away. That's unbelievable. Yeah. And that's what you're missing out on by being your stupid relationship. God. Oh my God, I want to just. Die.

I want to just turn. I mean, it's, it's just so open. Yeah. Like it's like everything. I'm good. It's, well, hold on. I like to dissect. Why is it so uncomfortable?

I mean, I mean, open as in like, it's so like unashamed, unabashed. Here's my whole shit. Yeah. Yeah, she doesn't give a fuck, dude. Does not give a fuck. She doesn't give a fuck the way like a senior citizen doesn't give a fuck.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, people in the locker room. Yeah. Like a guy in his 70s, 80s maybe. You're like, hey, and you're like, oh, he didn't care. It's admirable. There was a dude that you said like, we saw some shit in the locker room.

Okay. Cause our pool was at a public, or it wasn't a public gym, but it was like a membership gym or whatever. Huge gym. And so in college or in Calgary? Okay. In Calgary and high school.

So we would see some shit in the locker room. It's like 70 year old dudes, just blow dryer to the taint, right? That's pretty standard. There was always this one guy that had a giant dick. Like, you know, soft eight inch dick. And he had barbells, like piercings

all the way down the side of his dick. And then like Prince Albert in the end. In high school? Well, he wasn't in high school. Oh shit. All right. No, no, no. He was an older, an older chance.

This guy fucks. Oh, yeah. I mean, he does something with his dick. I don't know. Did you guys ever talk to him? Like, dude, we've been looking at your dick for a year. Yeah. What the fuck?

Can you just put it in? And he's like, oh, here. Hold it. Like, oh yeah. It's got some real weight to it, man. Nice, solid, very dense. Jesus. Yeah.

So Cody, do you have other, do you have a plan? What's next for Cody? What is next for Cody? I'm just going to live my truth, you know? Yeah. And try to. Keep surfing. Just keep surfing, yeah.

Keep making it. I'm going to try and keep making stuff as much as I can. We do, you know, we do music and we do a lot of shit. So I'm just going to keep trying to do as much shit as possible. And if this is known, I'm sorry, I don't know. Do you want to create like movies and television, all that stuff too? I want to do everything.

You do. Yeah. I love like a new challenge. Yeah. And I'm not the best actor or writer in the world, but I'd love to get better at those things. Yeah. You enjoy doing it.

Yeah, I would, yeah, yeah. I would like to get a role one day of auditioned for about a thousand things and never gotten a single thing. Isn't it the best? It's amazing. Yeah. Feels good. Yeah.

And auditioning is fun. It keeps you humble. I think I have auditioned, you know, whatever, 2,000 times. And off of an audition, I've booked a couple commercials, I think. I mean, it's been a long time. But everything that's like a real part, it's only been from somebody that wanted to hire me.

Yeah. Yeah. No way. It's never been from an audition. That's so funny. It's like, what, we just don't audition people? Because it's the same thing for me. Like the only real role I've ever had

is Real Bros of Simi Valley. And that's just because Jimmy, I know friends with them. Hit you up. Yeah, he hit me up. He said, you want to be in this? And I was like, absolutely. Yeah. And now it's season three just happened,

and it's been amazing. That's awesome. But it's, I don't know. I'm just, maybe I'm just bad in the room. People just don't get a good vibe. I actually got a little peek. I mean, I feel like I got a peek into how it works. When one of the directors that hired me for something,

we started talking about casting. And he was like, you know, it's essentially a miraculous to get a part in something. And B, he goes, you know, you can kill. And us or the producers or the studio can just be like, that's not like, you could do like objectively the best audition. And they'll be like, yeah, but we want black hair.

It doesn't make sense that the guy would look like that. They'll do shit that you won't even consider in choosing someone for the role. Like, yeah, but we want the guy to be like six, five. Yeah. So you're like, oh, why didn't you just only see people like that? I don't know.

Just to see what else is out there. Yeah. I did want, I think I almost got one role from an audition. And then they hit me up, the producer or something like that, and said, oh, the person we cast to be your love interest looks too young, so we can't cast you anymore. It's like, I mean, that's like one of the reasons why I started doing everything else is that I was like,

I cannot let my future rest in the hands of these people that I don't even meet. I can't even fucking see them. Exactly. You know, I agree. It's the best. The internet is the great equalizer. Yeah.

And the way to do it is like, that's what I think everyone has taken from the last few years and seeing how you can be in control of what you want to do. And in stand-up, all these guys now started self-producing specials as you should. Yes. Instead of being like, hey, all the platforms didn't give me a call to do a special.

Great. Go shoot one and put it out yourself. Totally. And then you're seeing that those are working. Those are translating into millions of views. And then that comic is selling more tickets. Like, it's exactly what you want to happen. So anyways, man, I really appreciate you coming over today.

Thank you so much for having me. A lot of fun. This is awesome. As I said, I'm a huge fan of you guys. Thank you very much. Thanks for having me. Appreciate it. You're the best, dude.

You guys are the best. Keep making cool shit. Thank you. Keep. And one day you'll be as good a surfer as me. If you make another Darman video, I want to be in it. Oh, yeah? Oh, for sure.

When we end here, I want to show you another one. OK. Our closing song is Cool Guy Mega Mix by Fart Simpson. Thank you, Fart. You're always making great, great songs. Here we go. Thank you, Fart! Oh, it's right, dude.

Don't bring anyone mother to this. No mother to fucking stay! I speak good English. I speak good English. You, dawg, do not speak. You do, you do. Do not, do you? I will be whining in my caulk.

Four steps. Hey, Hitler. Hey, Hitler. Fuck me, man, man. Really, really huge penis. OK, guys. Let's do some dancing. Will you ever hate your mom?

It's just like the gaze. You're up, up, up, up, up. All right, start it now. Just glassing. Just glassing. How do you make a personal development? You don't you fucking retard? I'm not my own mother.

I'm like, I'm my own mother. I got my, my ice latte. We go for dinner. I'll get my wall out. Pay at the end. Don't even check the price of the bill. My card always works. Hey, darn man, man.

Hey, this is Josh. Good morning, Julia. This is me, Joe. Let's go full throttle. Just let me eat you. One time. Turn into a telescope. Don't bottle.

Fuck me, be the ant. OK, I got you. Oh, you're looking in the southern part. Woo, this crazy looks right here. How me? For real, it's dope. I'm a fucking walking mermaid, bitch. Come down later, put your hands up.

You guys are doing good. You want to fuck with my money? I am a fucking jewel. Oh, fuck, yeah. You can eat my meat anytime you want, baby. This is real. Not everything in my life is a joke. You sexy, vegan woman are sitting on my face.

Live your life and fuck all the haters, dickities. Tata, they're returned. One of those cool stuff, slick stuff, neat stuff. This is just who I am. Machines left in, machines left in. Machines left in, machines left in. I take fucking 30 Benadryl once a night when I fucking want to get horny.

Let the conversation begin. I think that's what you call a ruined organism, because I didn't want to come. They call me an ant. I have never been one to stick my dick inside of a woman. If I don't, man, I'll get it all. Glad you bunch are no more. Giddy up, you bunch are no more.

Giddy up, you bunch are no more. L last. You learn to thank others. They're looking for some action. They live in Missouri. Please call me. Oh, I can tell them. I just hope that there's some women,

or women out there who really like having their pursuit. You guys are always warning us to love their Hundreds. Oh, the friends of the second men. Drop Sir, drop Sir. Yeah, we'll see you on the sub-city as you go. Oh, white baby, bruh. Diamond in the crowd, the style you're pussy. Who out there is curious about Niko's sex?

Fucking bitch, son of a- Ain't no take your room, no shame, no game, baby. I gotta be you wild, baby. Pray on some things we use for free, people. When you fuck your mom, ask your mom to shut the fuck up, OK? I promise to keep it sexy. I promise to keep it gangster. This is hard rock, Nick.

That is for you, baby, that is for you. Come on, give me a hand, Johnty. That's Canada Highway. This is yours, Canada. Woo-hoo! What a pig, Norm Summerton is. I am a pig. Wee, wee, wee, wee.

Pig with tips. Doesn't get any better than that. Someone's been a very fucking naughty fucking girl who needs a fucking spanking. I got the biggest dick of them all. I got the biggest dick of them all. What a cobbhouse. What a cobb?

OK, come on, Mark, don't be stingy. When a goose by itself is a goose, but when it's a bunch of gooses, then it's geese. Goddamn. I'm having the jack of the day. I'm swollen, and I can't get up. The Association for Retarded Citizens. Music playing

A cool guy club. Music playing Music playing Music playing Ha! Ha! What the hell?