Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 575 - Pauly Shore - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: October 28, 2020

SPONSORS: - Go to Theragun.com/MOM RIGHT now and get your Gen 4 Theragun today! - Get 20% off and free shipping at Manscaped.com/MOM - Go to Stamps.com, click on the Microphone at the TOP of the homepage and type in MOM. - If you're a homeowner, head to Policygenius.com - Policygenius has saved their home and auto insurance customers an average of $1,127 a year! Go to Policygenius.com for more information - Go to Talkspace.com or download the app, and use the code YOURMOM to get $100 off your first month! - Try Fitbod free for one month when you sign up today at Fitbod.me/mom GOOD MORNING MY OVER 18 JEANS! Tom Segura and Christina P start this episode of YMH off by discussing damaged girls, and Tom's experiences with them. They watch a white Black Lives Matter activist explain his use of big words, a prank in which a dude lights his friend on fire, a guy that can crack his peener, The King's message to Christina, a cool women's football coach, a guy that sounds just like Leo and more! They also discuss TikTok superstar Doggface, and respond to listener emails regarding prison pen pals and familial brown smells. Pauly Shore is an actor, comedian, and filmmaker. He joins Tom and Christina to discuss traveling to Israel and Moscow, living in Las Vegas, the new Showtime documentary series about the Comedy Store, his time on MTV, and more. He watches a homeless fire hydrant shower, an Australian parking lot fight, a woman trying to get married in Target, and a record number of Christina's TikTok curations.

Good morning my over 18 jeans Shout out to mr. Clavicles for that one. Mm-hmm. I hope you are letting your boobs hang and we're gonna have a lot of fun today Send me some videos hold on. Let me get my glasses on there. She is she's getting ready to go to college That's all I do is I support college girls I see Tom you're wearing your burgundy shirt That is the color of Satan. Yep Satan's flig in baggage. You know what I'd like if you're watching this video right now and you're a girl

Go ahead. Let's have some fun. Let's have some fun. Go get a white t-shirt And don't know bra and Get a cup of warm water and then pour it all over your shirt Just have fun with it have fun you have fun with you make it fun You make it fun and you send it to me and I'll tell you how good you did That really works, you know, it's that that father dynamic. I think he's really dialing into the broken girl Yes, who was like I just want to daddy figure all that is is throwing out that that spider web to the broken girls Which is a great life. It is a good thing if you're a guy and you want and you're like I've been striking out

You got to go over the broken girls a hundred percent. You got to try well broken girls need love too Tom Of course they do and they are Easier to manipulate easier to manipulate How many damaged broken wings that you have before me, you know, I am I got frustrated by them because they're so stupid Yeah, but I prompted Yeah, they do broken girls will do that. Definitely. Yeah, my dad. And they'll also So really flog themselves for their for their flaws. Yeah, you know, they're like

Yeah, my dad my nails aren't painted and you know, they look like shit My dad had these hose cleaning his house every week different hose and you're right They're really into the physical stuff and about not being fat. I remember one time my stepmom. They'd been married for like Ten years and she gained a little weight because she hit him in a lage And my dad was like you better lose these weights. I am not sexually attracted to you and that was like At damage that's some real g-shit right? Yeah, because I don't you wouldn't say that to me respect sir respect Yeah, did you do that to damaged girls in college when you were

Did you do the whole like nagging thing where you're like you look like shit and then that makes the girl Want you more like mystery did that it doesn't it's not my you know I know I know guys that did that. I just it's not natural for me. I can't I can't really because you don't hate women Yeah, I think you really have to hate us to to do that. No, right That is so mean all my all my my broken girl interactions were always one-night stands It was never like that's more respectful. It is I I couldn't I didn't court and try to date the broken girl You know, yeah, you shouldn't I remember a cut the funny thing is two of these broken wing hose that I went out with Um, I remember hooking up with them and then within six months

Two of them. I learned later. We're pregnant. Yeah, or within a year. Let's say So that could have been you you could have had two different Yeah Baby mama stitches because those broken girls are like just fucking let it out. Just let you go inside I don't have a condom. They're like, what's a condom? You know, all right That's true. My dad paid for a lot of abortions. He did. Yeah And thank god he did. I think that was much smarter than just letting You know, let it go. I mean shit. I don't know though. I could have siblings in other countries

I'm sure I remember this one husk where I was like I uh, I busted Right and then she was kind of big She kind of looked she looked like a power lifter and uh, and then the other the next day. I was like Fuck Shouldn't have done that, you know, I was worried about it. I'm like, did I get you pregnant? I'm like 20 And then I kept like she she could tell I was real nervous about it And she was like, what are you talking about? I was like because you know, I busted all in you and she was like, no, you didn't And I was like, what?

She goes, you didn't bust inside and I go, yes, I did. She goes, that was my butt cheeks She was so big that I I thought that I was I was just in her butt cheeks. That is a neat story to hear from your husband I think this has gone too far. She's so weird. We share these funny stories of our dating lives And now I'm like, I don't really need it. I didn't know you didn't need to know I was perfectly fine 30 seconds ago big strong You were into that like a bodybuilder. No, she masculine

No, no, no, she was very feminine. She just had a broad large bot like she was six feet tall She looked like she wrestled cattle, you know, like she was like a fucking And she let you eff her butt cheeks, I guess she was like this guy's going for it. I'm not gonna stop Yeah, and then I was like, ah so nice in there. She's like in my butt cheeks You must have been really excited gosh, I guess so are you wasted? Yeah, probably Yeah, actually not probably. Yeah Yeah She was broken

She was broken She had problems. I am now too after knowing I think she's uh, god, why do I know this stuff now? I think she's probably Not in a good place these days Do you think any of these girls now like open up netflix and they're like, oh, yeah that guy came in my butt cheeks And they're like dude, tanya get over here or like rick my husband like dude that guy came in my butt cheeks You know what it is. You know, it probably is I bet you it's different. I bet what happens is they go. Oh my god

I went out with that guy and then someone's like what you went out with that guy What happened like oh, we went out to this dinner He was a nice guy and then all of a sudden the memory comes back to her and then they're like, did you hook up and we're like kind of What do you mean kind of Yeah, he we were kind of doing it. But then he really liked my butt cheeks. So they're like what? And then the rumor spreads that like tom's into butt fucking. Yeah, like, you know how dr. Drew Um, the rumor is now that he fucks all these bitches. Yeah because of shaggy. Yeah Like it's just a rumor escalates to how you gave butt stuff. I'm the butt fuck guy

That's a good rep to have though to be a butt fucker. Oh, sure. It's innocuous. I mean, it's harmless I remember in high school. It was done to shame people Yes, but sex becky's because there was this there was this two there were these two that Everybody was like, uh-huh, but I was always like, dude, you're the man. No, I wasn't like that I thought he was like rocko. I was like you're fucking assholes and everything Well, because yeah in high school like who has butt sex. That's so varsity level So yeah, there was one girl who did it but sex becky and everyone was like you talk shit about her Yeah, you talk shit about the girl that gives gives beaches too easily. There was backdoor bradley. Yeah backdoor bradley. Yeah

His last name was bradley. Yeah, I get it Yeah, that's very clever bradley, but they used it to like Put him down and the girl would cry all the time. Yeah, it was a small school So he was like backdoor bradley and she'd be like Everybody find out everybody found out how like that he must he must I don't remember But he must have been like a fucker in the ass and everybody was like, no And so everybody starts calling her like an anal whore and everything, you know So brutal

It was it's so easy to get labeled a whore and in high school They're like they're like, oh my god, and then you grow up a little bit and you're like, oh She's awesome. And yeah, he's a savage like they should be they should be plaques with them around the school You know, well, it's easy to get labeled a whore Especially when you're a girl like there was this girl who had huge cans Yeah in like sixth grade and everyone just assumed she was promiscuous because she had this huge rack And there's nothing you can do god. I remember those those girls big tatted girls I mean she had huge middle school and high school and you're just like just let me play with them for a minute

I know she was really pretty this girl So I don't I don't think she ever did anything like I think the rumor was just that she was a slut So messed up. Yeah. All right. Well, let's get into the uh Opening clip of the show. It's gonna be a fun one. We got a fun show for you. When did you finger someone for the first time? Really late Really? Really late. Yeah. Like 17. Yeah, like 16. Yeah, really late. Yeah Because I remember hearing about people getting fingered in like seventh grade and being like

Whoa, I remember one of my friends fingered a girl in either seventh or eighth grade and I was like, uh, uh, and he was like, yeah, man That's so nasty. And I was like And then I remember the uh first time I fingered a girl I I'd never done it and I did it I was like jabbing it like not in the hole and she was like the fucking find the hole stupid Yeah, yeah, it's complicated down there. Yeah, I spit on her. All right. Let's let's do the opening clip ready. Yeah, here we go So you're here for black lives matters, but you're using the n-word the fuck are you here? No, I'm just curious I'm just curious. You're using the n-word, but you're here for black lives matters. You you really honestly live in america in

2020, but you don't know the difference between a hard er on the end of the n-word and an a Welcome to your mom's house Welcome to your mom's house Ah Hey tom, where's your water? Interesting water champ again This is a really cool clip because this guy is awesome. Um, normally the er

Versus a n-word explanation is from like hardcore. I would say like conservative types You know, I mean like I have the right to say this older Like, you know, we're done. It's you don't have to be old, but you're just like what is the problem I said the a like you don't usually see a blm Activist my god being like do you not know the difference? Like it's I've I've actually never encountered this. This is like the equivalent of like a An alt comet right right I understand because I do feel as though if you are aligned with the black lives matter movement

That word's likely not in your vocabulary probably not in a white person's vocabulary And that and certainly not the explanation like wait. Was that a a on the end? Okay, we're cool Right. It's still not cool even to do the a versus. I mean your nowadays, right? Yeah nowadays not even for the last many days no Yeah, it's so it's so it is so hurt, but this guy I got I I've only seen that clip I want to see the whole thing. So okay, it's a activist. This is in portland And uh, yeah, he's he has blm Um

Like cardboard cut out, but just let's just see what he's at what he says My jurisdiction there's a cop if we go if we leave here is because we're pursuing someone that committed crime too Or one sort of property this guy. There's nothing he could say or do short of quitting his job That means anything none of this goes anywhere or means anything I'm cop, dude Put down you're a work. You're a class trader. You're working class You probably make 70 grand a year just like you do right and and yet and yet you're policing us Okay, so he's like telling the cop that he's full of shit

We should put a note that the cop I believe is black, right? Yeah, so this guy's white That's trader which is interesting, right? So he's calling him, you know, but you get it. You're like, there's a real like left-wing guy and he's Okay What did you just say would you say to him? I said to do something. No, what'd you say after that nigga with a Never heard like the Antifa activist at the blm console. Yeah, not a good idea. You're here for black lives matters But you're using the n-word the fuck are you here? No, I'm just curious I'm just curious you're using the n-word, but you're here for black lives matters

You you really honestly live in america in 2020 unbelievable You don't know the difference between a hard er on the end of the n-word and an a So you're saying white people can say that white I just did oh this guy right here Interesting and you know which white guy specifically the one who's been standing over there for hours holding a black lives matter sign So that means you can say whatever you want white cut That means whatever you say whatever you want trump supporting fool This guy is all kinds of layers Yeah, hey, you're the one holding a blm sign and using the n-word

Wrap that together. Have you never listened to rap music? There's probably I would guess that there are 320 million people in the united states Yeah, probably 319 million of them have heard rap music at some point. Have you not so that means we can say whatever you hear Rap music that means we can say whatever you heard it in your life That means we can say whatever we hear you heard rap music So then you know the difference between an a on the end of that word and an er I don't know what freaks me out more like all his scattered logic or the fact that I do feel like he looks like me I'm segura I'd love to see what people like you say oh really you say stuff like that

Yeah, you have no idea what I say or you're a liberal in fact Over here talking to a cop fuck you and everything in fact, I'm the one who had a problem with you saying it You goofy fuck that shows you fucking dumb ass that shows Trump supporter. Where the fuck you are What did you say the n-word with an a on the end? Have you honestly never heard that you've never listened to rap music? Because we're never hung out with black people. So you really don't okay Good explanation. Got it. I have a feeling he doesn't hang out with black people Cuz like you wouldn't you know what I mean? You I don't think you'd make the uh You wouldn't fight so hard. Yeah

It's really interesting right any If I was like listen, it's really important that I say this word. There's the er. There's the a it's like I don't think you'd bring that up I mean my logic behind the word has always been if you feel comfortable saying it Then it's more than likely a word that you should continue saying until you find out you shouldn't Oh, yeah, I feel like he should keep that's smart. He should keep using it Right because you're you do notice his surroundings right, right like the

The there's nobody that doesn't look like him confronting him that that might be it. Yeah I don't know if like if a black dude was there was like what he'd be like. Do you not listen to rap? If that argument would go far He's saying it not only to another white guy, but to what appears to be clearly a smaller guy too Yeah, I mean he's got problems like when you lecture somebody you can tell that he's looking down So the stature of the person is small. I have a theory You know, I have a theory. I think it's because A lot of men are making white alone these days and they're not because of covet

They're not partnering with other people when they're Ejaculating and I think people are pent up and angry. That's your theory on this guy Yeah, I think he was getting laid on the regs. He might not be such an angry cunt, you know, yeah Don't you think the world would just be better if we were all just getting laid making white with other people? Yeah, and even in their butt cheeks Especially in their butt cheeks, you don't have to get all the way in, you know Yeah, that's safer to do it in the butt cheeks for sure. Absolutely. How come you never try to do my butt cheeks? I'll do it this week. I promise

Do you remember were you on top of her? You were obviously were you missionary or you were laying on? She was face down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and then you thought you were in the the dog kind of yeah sort of pretty fucked up. I remember now Yeah Yeah, you're like you're amazing No No, I didn't think she was amazing. I mean, I thought she was kind of a scallywagon, but she was like You know, you could tell too that she wasn't exactly New to the whole idea of butt sexy. No of like

Like new people busting loads in her Cool She was like what? Yeah, go ahead Yeah, cool cool hooker all right Okay, let's do something. Oh, there's something fun. Okay. This is fine. We'll switch it out. This was pretty serious. Sorry guys Open on the n-word town. I don't know. I mean, you know, it's pretty cool. It's pretty cool explanation. I just thought we should share it Oh

Asshole Again I said something fun that was fun So these guys are like it looks like kind of getting a camping trip or something One dude is like asleep or passed out and his friend lights his pants on fire And then he wakes up to his pants on fire and he shoves his friend over and freaks him out Yeah, you have a funny one in there Lighthearted silly. I sent a good tick talking. Oh really? I mean

Okay, can you look at the video I want you to see? Um, all right, hold on a second. I don't know which one Dr. Drew and I covered it. What is it called? It's called dick Dic. All right. Here we go Look at it again. Look at it more. Do you know what's happening? What is happening? He's cracking his day. What do you mean? Like I don't know. That's Dr. Drew explaining. It's a ligament. Could you give me some explanation? It's like when you crack your knuckles That's cracking your dick. It's the equivalent of knuckle cracking on your dick. So what is happening?

Like the ligament gets hardened and you there's like pressure in there and a guy can do it when he's hard This is what you this is you're like, let's switch it over to something cool This is what your suggestion. It's called payback. I just wanted you to see something horrible, too Dude, you know, it was really cool. We watched the strange thing about the johnsons. That was cool. Have you guys seen that? It's pretty neat. Yeah, go ahead and you tell them Awesome. We watched it last night. We watched it on youtube. I hate it. There it is The strange thing about the johnsons. I don't want to give away too much if the audience hasn't seen it If you have seen it, you know, it's great. It's a it's a really it's a short film

that uh Volves around this family. Um That has an unusual relationship between The father and the son And so it starts at like The adolescent level and then it fast forwards to when the son is now a young man And he has like a very very interesting Relationship with the dad that there's like so many twists and turns. Have you seen it?

No, no what I mean, can we just give away one theme? Sure the starts with an i and ends with an s the father and the son are having sex Yeah, yeah Yeah, so okay, fucking good, right? So tom and I You know, we schedule our marital relations because of our schedules and the children And we're you know, we're waiting for it our time to make sweet love and he goes let's watch this movie before We do it and and two seconds in the opening scene. I'm like, no

Are you trying to get me to not want to have sex ever again? And then the we're finished was nice and then he's like, let's go back to the johnson's again. I'm like, oh my god And I watched it and I felt like I felt like I wanted to die Inside like I wanted to die and he's just ear to ear just like so happy. It was awesome. Yeah It was awesome. I still feel sick like it's not a good movie. I laughed so hard. I thought that was really funny and really good No It was really good it's really well made and it was cool to see the dad and the and the sun fuck. Okay Why don't we do fan mail? I mean maybe that'll

Will that bring us into a nicer place god? I wish the fart mic was hooked up. I really have some Bangers, that's really cool. Okay. This is a neat follow-up. Uh, holy shit, mommies I'm currently watching episode 573 and I nearly shit my jeans when I saw the prison talks I work at the prison that those I farted pen pals are from There was a big issue a few months ago over the inmates sending out tiktoks There were also many many more that got posted prior to these before their page got taken down I'm an absolute shock that those turd nuggets made it to your mom's house These this is the person who works at the prison that these prison pen pals are writing from a long time fan

I owe you jeans tremendous. Thanks and that most respect for keeping me alive Anyways, I thought that was pretty funny to have someone write in from the actual prison that these talks are coming Yeah, that's pretty amazing that these guys got get that out there Um, also, this is an interesting ymh question Oh first speaking of tiktok. I would like to address the whole success of dog face now as you know, um The dream song that steve neck song is really blown up because of dog face who on he's writing a skateboard

And he's drinking the cranberry juice and it's a great song It's a great talk and people have been reaching out to me. How can you not bring this up? How can you not I fucking just brought it up and everyone's like christina? You blew him up. You gave him I would say no that his talent was always there. And then I merely gave him a platform The guy's just singing his own song, you know, and they he's finally got the recognition He deserves and I couldn't be happier for dog face. The guy's a real real tiktok. There you go dog face He really is the sweetest. I got a bunch of ocean spray and they gave him a truck He bought him a truck. Good for him. He's so red. Um

Here's a really interesting question. Tom. Maybe you can have some insight here. Okay. Hey, jeans I'm 23 year old male from poston tejas. I'm here to propose a very serious question Does the brown of kids smell like the brown of their parents? Oh, I sharded in my pooper the other day then later that day I walked in the bathroom after my mommy brown and smelled exactly the same and today I smelled my dad's shits after he let one loose and then my sister's brown tonight. It's identical I don't think so. I think this person might be fully talked. No. Yeah, you know Yeah, I knew you'd be so dismissive of such an important such as stupid theory. Yeah, it's not a stupid theory

Let me tell you why the other day with dumb dumb says go ahead the other day Ellis farted on the couch and it smelled identical to your fart. Come on. So I do think That yes, some of the smells are identical. I'll tell you this a four-year-old shit just smells like shit. Okay My wife's ass. I'm like poof because they're gnarly. They're fucking gnarly like yours. They're just shit. It's just shit Yeah, but they smell like yours and I know this because I smell your shit all the time Let's do something exciting because this is very cool. So The king who likes to talk to his queens above 18. Yeah, put a very special message out And I really want to study it for a moment

This goes out to a very special queen of mine Above 18 her name is Christina I hear that you like my videos and I thank you for following my page. I try to do one again to help you guys See what you're saving private ryan. What's he watching? And I let you know that I am very proud of you guys to king loves my queen's above 18. You should turn down the tv Christina I love you. I love you too, king Above 18 you have a good night and I will talk to you in the morning. Here's a problem with the king

Thank you The problem with queens above 18 guy and the king is that he rambles It's too rambly he by the way of all the coolest guys we've ever played on here To to have a war film on in the background like sometimes there's the news on or a show But to have gunshots people be like Like that as your background Video is it's the new standard You want to get on this show that

Because I want to see some bombs going on. I want to hear it In the background the I'll make it come by at least he turns rachel man out down This goes out to a very special queen of mine above 18 her name is christina m16s I hear that you like my videos and I thank you for following my page. It's so loud Jesus christ man, this is how I fall asleep every night listening to you murder the annoying thing is uh, You're talked like for me call my dad and that's the conversation where I'm like, hey man. He's like, hey, you hear like I'm like, can you uh

Like we're 15 seconds and I'm like, are you gonna turn that down? What's that? Are you gonna turn down the volume? On the television. Oh, yeah, hold on a second. Let me like what how does it not occur to you? That there's a war film going on and I can't like and then he'll be like I just gotta find the remote I'm like, okay, and you wait like another minute and a half. I don't know where it is like All right, man. Yeah, let's just talk. Yeah, dad. Why are dad something happens to a dad's brain the older they get I remember my dad used to sit and watch television with a tv on mute And then the stereo full volume. That's a real interesting dad moves. What are you doing?

Yeah, but that's I think because you had a party dad He was also halfway into the 12th. Yeah nightly 12. So he had the tv on but muted. Yeah music He wants to hear I kind of get that blaring. I'm not talking like low-key. I mean, I would be upstairs It's a high schooler. You hear Hendricks just ripping it up Hendricks, bro What is going on and I go down and he's just like You know watching jeopardy on mute and or a movie and listening to Hendricks It was like the trippiest thing, you know, he's like come sit down with me And I'm like, can you turn that down some dad like do I need to get high first like to jam with you?

Yeah, yeah, and I I can only tolerate it for a few minutes and I'm like, I gotta get out of here This house is fucked up. That's pretty intense. You gotta get emancipated at 13 Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Your dad partied man. He partied. He's definitely he would be like Well, let's part remember the dance party at the dance party. Yeah with the hungos came over and it was just like We're just gonna go into the night, man. That's right. That's well Well, were you there that Christmas eve where he finished dinner and he had decided it was time to listen to prodigy. Yes. Yeah Do you remember? Yeah, and also that marley remix

Of the reckoning speed, you know, I'm trying to remember the song. It was a marley like remix And it sure was crank. I was like, this is a nice song. I like this song, man Christmas Eve Like we'd all finished eating. I had to yell it to him. What's that? Yeah, like it's a good song In your house. Yeah. Yeah, Christmas jamming. What is going on prodigy smack my bitch up. He put it. Yeah. Yeah That was gnarly. He really partied. He partied, bro. Hey Never soft if you go like what are your best memories? I bet you for him Some of them will be parties. All of them are parties. Yeah, he'd be like, there's a good party. That was a good party

Yeah, yeah Well, I told you his famous like 75 beers in Miami for in one day with his friend Willie That was like his claim to fame Wasn't that that marley song ammo rainbow too? Wasn't that like a remix? Right. He played that. That was so corny. He would play that jam it out loud, man Yeah, and he would be like In the living room. Yeah Smack my bitch up

bitch up Christmas Eve. Dude, I got fucked up Uh doing two bears live. Yo, that was yo, that was um, so I got I got 40 deep You know, I get criticized. That's my favorite is when people are like, that's it I always start with 200 like good for you Yeah, um, no, I did because I'm 10 milli tom loser 20 and 30 and then I had 40 I was fucked up and did you have alcohol too? Yes, but I had like I had actually I'll tell you I was fucked up. It was a good good buzz. Like it was it wasn't

It it was just before you're too deep You know what I mean? Like it was the most you'd want to be before you're like my night's ruined All I had all the only thing that I tell you is like I didn't know what was happening at the end and I didn't know how things went So normally, you know, I I could tell you exactly and stand up and I got like that was a good podcast That was a good show I was like, I have no idea if that was good because I was too fucked up to that

I kept asking them. I was like, how was that and they were like, it was good. And I was like, are you sure? That was real fucked up. I do remember that uh, even when we were even more fucked up, we all arm wrestled Now did that make it to the show? Uh, no, it wasn't on the show, but the but there was cameras people were recording it. Um any beat everybody any strong What any beat everybody any I didn't know that And then uh, I also the dove beat Burt You did twice two times arm wrestling arm wrestling dude. How good did that feel? Felt great. Yeah, it must have felt great

And then and then any also challenged me to tennis I remember that that's crazy talk That is not what happened. No, no, no the dove challenged you for me because he made a bet a long time ago It was like if we did I bet I'll do well against him and he was like I would bet you so much money that you wouldn't and I'm like, no You don't want to do that, man. I talked to somebody and they we have courts if you want to do it. No No, I'll do it. Okay. I'll do it. We'll do it Any you tell me when whenever you're ready

Okay Just know I'm gonna have to talk shit against you like Everybody everybody's invited from the from our camp here to watch we can all everybody can come Damn sounds good to me. Let's get it. Let's get it. I can't even see and wait wait Just for people because like this is the part that I was what is your tennis experience? Yeah, tell us that So I played in a high school like After class sometimes. Okay, just like, you know, just hitting the ball And then with my ex

Me her and her brother used to play like Maybe for like a couple months or something and that's it. It was it was just like, you know, novice stuff though No, no lessons or anything. Right and then have you played since? No and then Okay, and what do you you just think you'll win that's what that's what you're betting, right? Yeah, I just I'm just I just win You're gonna challenge me to something. I'm gonna win at it. I don't know why I just I just will there's no reason to it

I just will no boy. He's gotta trust me All right, I can't even see any running. Can you like to chase something? There's no sense of urgency in his demeanor. Yeah chills, you know, yeah, I just Yeah, well, usually if I'm running it's away from something that not toys Okay, well, hey, look the um, then again, I can't see Nadav running either To be fair. Yeah. Um, I can't beat Tom at at tennis or probably anything. No, no, it's I mean like I'm not saying I all I All I I'm not the one that said like I'll play people in tennis here You told me you're like he said he could beat you. So I was like, okay, we'll play then

We'll play and I'll and I will accept uh bats if you want to do that I don't I mean I said last time. I don't think I could afford your bed. No, no, you set the bat standard You set the bat All right, I'll I'll think about it. All right, and he you're about to get crushed, bro You don't even know no, no, no, no. No, they saw the footage. They know they know It's all good Um, I'm gonna bring my coach. This is I have a clip of him right here You're gonna let that motherfucker mush you down out like that and you ain't breaking that bitch's face right now

You mean to tell me you're gonna allow that motherfucker to do what she done And you didn't come out here and try to break off fucking that and even you can't find her Find her teammate and break up fucking that for what the fuck she's done to you down now You mean to tell me you ain't got that kind of evil streak in you I would be I would I would literally hike the ball and punch that bitch in the goddamn face. Are you crazy? Don't ever let anybody do you like that. I love fucking football so much this If you want to know why I love football, it's because of like coaches like that. That is the best That guy you end up if you play football, you end up you want to die for that guy

You know, I mean, of course because that's that's the truth Yeah, that is like the coach. Those are the coaches that I loved. Yeah that they were like Why did you even do your assignment instead of trying to kill that person? Yep for trying to fuck you over like that. I love that so much. This is women's like lingerie football lingerie football Yeah, yeah, they have like these silly Things where like it's like I mean they do it for the tv viewer where they put like hot chicks in pads And a helmet and they play football

but the funny thing is You put people in like a contact situation and even though they're not great football players You'll see some savagery done in it like you'll see it because it you know, it's just natural If someone's going to hit you you're going to hit back And this guy this guy is coaching this like this is NFL I love it. I like it. I love it. That's my coach You're gonna let that motherfucker mush you down out like that and you ain't breaking that bitch's face right now

I love it Yeah, I love it. I agree. I'm all about telling the truth like that. Yeah, that's how I talk to our children too about shit Like go fuck them up bra. What are you doing? I'm serious. I motivate. I don't fuck around You want to be a fucking pussy cry? Yeah, that's what I'll do with our kids are playing sports. I'll be like listen Fuck this game. Just go over there and break that kid's neck. Okay. Yeah, dude Yeah, yeah Listen, you can't raise fucking the scaredy cats

Kids that are afraid of the world. That's what this generation wants a bunch of scared pussies By the way, I'm raising scared pussies, bro. Tonight. We're on stage. Listen to where my mom's at every week We're um, we're on stage tonight here. I know it's the two bears one bowl show At the pasadena rose bowl drive-in show I don't know if there's any tickets left. Um, but if there are You try to get them two bears one bowl dot com. Very excited. I'm so excited I've I've always wanted to do the rose bowl. It's an honor to to be there with you guys

I've I've always wanted to do like the parking lot of the rose bowl Some people prefer the stage I keep coughing. Do I have the rona? Probably. I don't know what's going on. Probably got a serious question Wait, what do you think about the corona virus? The corona virus Who? The corona? No, the corona virus The vibrator Nah, the corona virus the disease that's going around you know about it Know anybody? No, do you know about the corona virus?

Corona virus virus corona virus. Yeah, you don't know what that is. What happened? Is that a disease that's going around that's killing everyone? It's a disease. Yeah, it's killing everyone. What does it do? It like if someone coughs or shakes your hand around you, it could kill you It can? Yeah, you have it. You need to wash I don't got it, but you have to wash your hand every 20 seconds. You have to wash your hands? Yeah What's it called corona disease? Corona virus corona virus. Yeah, it's a disease. Yeah That I got it behind you

Dude, it looks like a face swap. It does. It does. It looks like a Dr. Olawaji was a face swapped Like my Saudi friends dad I'm like, who's Dr. Alawaji? Shamanama. That is a crazy video. That's a crazy face. That's not a face swap I don't know. We're honestly not sure. How did this was just sent in? It's alarming. Yeah. No, it there's There's something about it that just doesn't register normal. Yeah, maybe she's been in a coma or like Well, she has like I mean this is not like she has a completely like It looks like a separate person's face. I can't believe this is not a face swap. That's just like a nice mustache and like

You know the whole face is like it's like a middle-aged Saudi man's face No, and it doesn't look like it's a transitioning person. No either it legit is like Saudi guys face Lady body. Yeah, and she's also like the vibrator. Is it what the disease? Do you think maybe it's a language barrier? No. No, it's an intelligence barrier Yeah Whoopsie not good. Oh boy. Wow. That's pretty gnarly. Yeah

God Oh, this is kind of fun. You want to see this? I would love to. So watch this and and and just the main thing is watch it But I want you to actually listen to this voice and tell me what it does. It reminds you of anything. Okay Now come over on this end Okay, hold it now. Don't get nervous Hit the hole Bill Oh my god, is that Leo? Right

Is that him? That's him when he was alive. Isn't that crazy? Now come over on this end Bill Okay, hold it now Don't get nervous Hit the hole Bill Hit the hole Bill and he's even sexual shaking around a little bit Release the suction All right, bring it down Bill

Slow Your best bet is the I.C. station. These are all locked in man. Coming down Shit Whoops They sound so similar Leo and Bob. So I have various drops and you can compare them That's great. You want to hear? I'd love to. Okay. Don't get nervous Okay, you come wow, right? Hit the hole

They're twins. It's right there. These they're twins. It's I mean, it's literally it's right there. Yeah. Hit the hole That's my hole. Oh my gosh. Wow. They're so similar Hold it now That's where it spits. That's where it spits. Yep. Damn. Now come over on this end. Oh my god I have no problem swallowing Wow Yeah, the okay there. Let's see. Wow Release the suction. Wow. Okay. You come

It's really good man. Shake it around a little bit. Is this just like midwestern old? Old white guy? I don't know Oh my god. Would you call your dad? No No, no But I would watch any father and son do it just to see like just to see how crazy it could be Wait, what any father and son or any doing an any person. Oh, okay, father and son. I would watch them do it. Yeah I just think it'd be great entertainment. Yeah, what part's the most exciting for you just to be like, that's your dad, dude Yeah

The problem with being into your dad is that they're so old and gross like you're really into a guy who's like 30 years Older than you I mean, some people are Some people are I guess they'd have to look really good for their age though. Some people are homophobic and can't tolerate it Like this guy, you know, I keep getting these trolls. I'm gonna call them trolls. They're not doing this gay ass shit Let me tell you something you son of a bitch, dude If you leave one more comment on my down videos, I wish you don't subscribe to me motherfucker. If you're a gay motherfucker

Fuck you motherfucker. Yeah You gay bitch I think he's drunk No, I think so No No That's a blood ice On to the pile

You must love sucking dicks what you might well do That's what they do, but you ain't sucking my dick motherfucker. Oh, I'm sure they want to You ain't sucking your dick, bitch. Yeah Sure every gay man's super turned on by you, sir Wow Because I guarantee you I'll beat your motherfucking ass or you suck my dick or I suck your motherfucking This guy, that bitch is so He's great

Whoa Yeah By the way, he's dying to suck a dick Dying to suck a dick. They're so delicious He's got the teeth out right in position to fit it in. Yeah, nice nice gummy d-suck Do you think the brown staining on either side of his mouth is from eating SpaghettiOs for dinner on the can or I don't know. What do you think's going on the discoloration around the mouth region? It's it was pretty alarming. I don't know. I don't want to know also. Is that fair?

You guys are sucking my dick And then uh You're gonna want to suck my dick What do you think it's like to not have those teeth those pesky teeth getting in the way of talking and chewing? I don't know But do you really need all your teeth to function? You don't know you don't need them all you don't you don't need them all if you want to chew chicken I mean steak you're gonna need a lot, but if you're just you need some molars for steak

That's it. That's all you need. You need a cup I think if your minimal amount of teeth you need two up front to get some shit started You know and like sometimes you just need to get something started You gotta start it and then if you have a few molars you're set. I think so too I think like most people have like 30 teeth and the truth is you need like eight You don't need them all you don't need them all You really don't because if you've ever had a cavity or like something hurts you and you'll compensate by chewing on the other side Like you can get by you can on chewing on one side of your mouth or not having as many teeth as you think you need true

Yeah, yeah, well I wonder I wonder if we Are there any dentists listening like what can you Feasibly get by on let me know shoot me an email Also, if you get down to that few though, you should just get Some fakies put in I think that's what they're gonna tell you they're gonna be like you can get by with four But you might as well just get dentures, you know, or you can get the perfect smile perfect smile. Well, well Makes you look really good, but they recommend that you don't eat or talk with them in

It's literally just a smile and then they're like take them out unless you're smiling You know, they disappeared and I oh wow. I wonder which is there's sneaky fucking fingers of the staff took our perfect smile Uh-huh. Yeah, you can let me see that you accidentally take our perfect smile home Yeah, you can literally only smile with the perfect god damn it and then that's all Hold on. Look up here. You didn't know I'm the seeker. I find I know I know go go find Nadav's apartment All right, you think he stole it course. Why Nadav? What would I do? Oh just walk around the perfect fucking smile all day But I'd like to know exactly how many teeth you can get by with I think it's less than we imagine I'm really excited to show something

I think these are important aren't they the k9 just one or two though. You don't need too many You don't need too many. Oh, I I didn't realize you have a cool. Well, okay. It's a halloween finger It's hollow jeans this week. So we have a horrible or hilarious that I haven't seen it. Sure. Oh, oh, is this funny to you? Fucking fuck Look how much you like that You're gonna murder me in my sleep All right, here we go building that you guys I'm really excited to see it ready. Oh, here we go I don't like it

Holy shit, I mean no, thanks Wow, that was something let me see it again So he's spraying it with a chemical right and then this guy puts his foot there there Why is he to hold the tire in place? And then it like explodes Wow, his co-workers seem to think it's hilarious. Everyone thought it was funny there. Yeah, I guess he's okay That shit flew and sent his ass up in the air almost did a full flip. Yeah Damn, that's really funny. Tom. I would love to do that to other people

Do you have another one or What do you mean you want to do to other people? I would love to to to see people. I know in that position That's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's cool You know what I really like that you and bird are talking about is the movie pitch for fat astronauts. Fat astronauts. Yeah, fat astronauts I Really like this pitch idea and then you can be really funny. Yeah, but I know you guys have a different angle in I think it's that America Needs a victory and we want to be number one again

I like that pitch And then the way we build morale in America is to send two of our most average Americans up It's a good. It's a good pitch and they find like just the slobbiest pieces of shit they can find And then it's you guys and you go to space. I think it's really funny. I would watch that movie Okay, it's like spies like us, but yeah with the space program. Yeah two fat talks. Yeah, I like it All right, um There's still a lot more and we will return momentarily with the guests. Okay. All right We're gonna go eat some ass. We'll be back in a little bit to talk about it

And We are back with a friend of ours a comedian an actor Maybe you saw his new movie guest house. Maybe you're gonna learn about his other 15 projects And we're super happy to have polyshore back Thank you for having me. Thank you for coming. Fantastic. We're here next to it. It's like we're next to a fucking dentist's office. Yes Well, we get our teeth cleaned on break. Well, usually, you know I mean, I've had my teeth cleaned like 35 times during a show. Yeah, you guys are in a cul-de-sac now Yeah, it's before it was like, you know, right in the house. Yeah, but this is good. Yeah. Have you had your teeth clean lately?

No, but I um, I definitely I um I have a good dentist and Beverly here. Should I put these on it? Sure No, no, no, you guys don't have them on my earbuds and yeah Yeah, yeah Now, do you did you have many dental issues? Uh, we're landing in about three minutes. We'll be landing in about three minutes in the 747 play Um, I had used to have it. I used to I don't like the kit. No, I don't like it. You don't want to hear your voice. I had the uh, no, I hate my fucking voice

Everyone does. Yeah. Yeah. No, I used to have an underbite. My mom got me a fucking one of those I I literally woke up like, you know my deadly do right? Yeah, remember home? Don't they do right? You walk around like that. Yeah, I had an underbite like that and then my mom got me One of those guards. Yeah classic guards. So when I bite down, then my teeth went over So I went over and I also had a fucking gap between my tooth and I used to have a fucking mall right here, bro Did you cut it off? What do you mean? Why is the fucking Jew laughing in the back? You have a fucking mall in your ass all Right

Yeah, good yentaf to you good yentaf to you by the way, dude. He is give him some shit. Give him some shit Dude, I looked at him. I'm like, dude. I fucking recognize you from the holy fucking city, bro Yeah, I was there last year. I saw him like with the with his little greedy hands on the wall You know trying to go up You know what I mean, dude, it's crazy. Israel's why Jerusalem is wild the wailing wall. Is that what you're referring to? Have you done that? Do you pray? I went with dean zooker or no, excuse me. That's some other child Dean gilbert. Yeah, I went there. Yeah What did you feel like more connected to you?

Absolutely Well, I did it after my mom passed because my my my mom had never been to israel Oh, you know and my dad had never been to israel both jewish. Yeah jewish. You just found out sorry to hear Yeah, sorry to hear that but um, but you know, um So my mom my mom and dad never been never been to jerusalem And I went over then it was fucking amazing. I've always heard really beautiful I want to go I've heard I've heard a lot of visit like people who have taken the trip and always have amazing things to say Actually always israel's fucking wild dude

Yeah, because you're literally in the middle right here and you got all these kind of arabic fucking countries around you Yeah, sudan you got jordan you got all these things and literally you got like really pissed off bitter saudi Fucking like uh people that are leasing leasing like they're a little uh, you know corner stores and stuff and they get pissed off because The jews took their land. Yeah, that's what they say and it's just like but I kind of think they did If jerusalem is right in the middle and you got all these persiany fucking places around it, right? How did that happen? I mean, right? I mean, am I right or I would love to hear this on like meet the press

I mean like a sunday morning Hilarious all these jays are here and these fucking persians are all around us after we went to the dead sea Me and my friend dean after we went to the dead sea we told the taxi driver We want a falafel and he's like oh, I got the best falafel falafel place. I'm like awesome So we start driving and all of a sudden it looked weird And I saw this fucking guy and he had like this mickey mouse hat on In a gun and then it got like tumbleweedy and I'm like, where are we he goes? We're in palestine I'm like dude. I didn't want to go to fucking palestine to get a fucking falafel, bro

Turn around you know what I mean? I'm thinking I'm going to be beheaded on cnn everyone's going to be happy Yeah, that would get a lot of views that would get a lot of views always sure is in You know Did you end up having a falafel? No, I got fucking scared. That's the saddest part of the whole story It is how long were you in israel? Mmm, probably like 10 days. Yeah, but what's interesting? I'll see you fly into televieve Televieve, which is like miami la new york kind of hip kind of cool and then you drive 40 minutes And that takes you to jerusalem. It's only 40 minutes

I didn't realize they were that close only for and the thing that is so wild about Jerusalem and the holy in the the old city and as I didn't know this I thought it was just jews I thought it's gonna be just jew heaven everywhere just jews jews jews, but it's not it's actually It's it's it's the the the old city is like it's kind of like the disneyland for prayer Yeah, so people from all over the world, you know blacks asians catholics everyone because I didn't know this that That jesus was crucified in jerusalem. I didn't know I didn't fucking know that either suburb somewhere outside the city I didn't even know that and it's like tom's looking for an oaks But ask ask ask flenta ask flenta. What does he say?

flenta is that true or what? What's his name? schmooly schmooly schmooly Yep, is that true? Are you talking? Can you hear him? You can hear? Yeah, yeah, isn't that true? Is that's true, right? Yeah, pauli you nailed it, man. Yeah, he was I'm being serious and just for the record And the jays did it no you guys fucking did it no the jews did not kill jesus The romans did the romans did

for the record I didn't I I don't know but all I'm saying is I saw a long line Kind of like trying to get on the teacup ride at disneyland A people trying to fucking get a picture in front of where jesus was crucified And they still have the cross up and you can be like no it's just this fucking cement thing And it was uncovered with glass and it was just this is where he got crucified and also that is Don't they have a thing there, too, right? The persiany people Wait, wait, where did they go in a circle?

Where do they have there in uh, drusla? That's land of what folks. How you they have a mosque over there. They have a big one though, right? It's the big one when they go in the circle No, not mecca, but my point that's that's out of your radio But my point is is if you ever get a chance to go to israel the old city, it's fucking beautiful And your heart is open and you just feel like and I think there's this one point on on it Where in the old city where it's the oldest? Area ever in the world like built in the 1700s or 17 bc or some shit like that

So it was pretty cool. What kind of food offerings do they have? Amazing McDonald's No, no, no, no, it's all israel is all self-contained so that all the vegetables all the hummus all the chickens No, wait, let's talk turkey here for a second. How about those israeli chicks? Yeah, dog. Oh, yeah, nice. Yes Yes, let's talk it, but they all went to the military. They're all strong. Yes. Yes, of course Well, let's talk about it. Did you get some j trim? No No I did not what about in the dead sea where you're like, what's up, bitch? Like the dead sea was pretty interesting. Yeah

Yeah, it's because it's so salty. So salty. I know you float when you float Now do you get nude and and get in the mud there? It's not that exciting the dead sea You're like go there and you check it out. You're like, all right. It's kind of cool What's weird though is jordan is literally a mile away And so you're in the dead sea and then you're like fuck like that There could be some terrorists that just come and just take all these tourists in a boat and just behead them Yeah, like I'm thinking non-stop. I'm gonna get beheaded on this trip. Really? And then I went to moscow after No, what? What kind of fucking tour is this? This is all the scariest. Because I'm russian jew

They don't find it right on my grandparents or from Kiev. The one place I would say that you can You could be sure that people don't fuck around is moscow. Yeah, don't you know, moscow? Believe it or not was the most prettiest, pristine, cleanest city I've ever seen in my life And the thing that was so crazy about it and I I didn't know this is that moscow Is four times the size of new york city. Damn. That's how big moscow is and what about the population How I don't think there is as many no, no, no, but it and the buildings are massive and and it was pretty cool But you have to have a visa to go you can't just say I want to go to fuck a moscow Are you tailed the whole time you're in moscow when you're an american? That's my thought

Yeah, you're afraid that someone's going to be like, oh my god, he's polysor No, not me just an american and then they'll get they're gonna hold you ransom. Oh, they will the the russian mafia. They don't Schmelto, how we doing? Holy shit. Look at your fucking your whole stance is so jewy He's got it changed this right. He's got this little right. He's the best. Are you also like what else you do besides this? He just does this. This is the fault you're hilarious. Yeah He's awesome. He's he's our main j. He's great. Yeah, he's great. Schmelty. Schmelty. What's up? Let's get some crepe luck later

Now do you celebrate the holidays your rasha shana shana tova? Are you making your apple pies when I was a kid and my parents were alive and there was some, you know Unity happening in my family. Yeah, you know now it's no no So, you know, my parents aren't here. I you know I I live in vegas the big goi city of the world the biggest goi city now I heard that vegas is kind of like what's covet like they're kind of not as restrictive as we are here Um, it's you know, it's yeah, you're right 100 percent. I mean the gyms are open

um All the restaurants and bars are open. Uh, the clubs are just starting to open Uh, but it's it's weird because I want to start doing guest spots there. Yeah Because there's so many comedy clubs there and you can and they are open They're just starting to become open. Nice. So yeah, so but the problem is is it's 25 feet distance from the stage Okay, so for instance, they take like a a ruler or some shit And they take it all the way from The stage and then they go all the way there. So you're really performing in front of an empty room and just boosts in the back

Oh, and that's oh, that's tough. It's like a 1am spot So but I think you know, I think once our president is is gone I think then all of a sudden they'll find the vaccine and everything will be open Like, you know, I mean, they're really pushing us on them. It's hilarious. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Then they'll suddenly be like, uh, it's all cured Yeah, oh, maybe oh my gosh Maybe do you so how is vegas? Do you are you dating? Are you it's hard to date in vegas? And I realized that once I got there. I mean, it's prostitutes. It's escorts. It's bottle service girls And then there's chubby accountant lesbian chicks

Pretty much that's the full spectrum, bro And the what's funny is I say to myself, hey, wait a minute. I like kind of those kind of loose women But you know, like, oh, maybe I could go have sex with them and I'm like, you know what? I'm 52 now So I'm kind of just like to stay home and watch cnn fox and msn and go into my sauna You know what I mean? Because I got I got one of those barrel saunas. It took me three months to get it How do you like it? It's dope. Are you in it every day? Yeah Really? Yeah, I got a barrel sauna. I love it. $3,800. Can I tell you? As little as I've known you over the years

I sense a shift in you and correct me if I'm wrong that you seem to have become a little more connected to like To your inner world and you seem to be working out a genuine happiness. Why is he masturbating as you're saying this? Underneath the fuck is so horny. What the fuck have you ever accidentally ejaculated? He's like, oh god, he seems to relax Have you ever thought you were inside a woman, but you were only in their butt cheeks and you ejaculated and you thought you were in her vagina No, I'm pretty pretty pretty accurate actually You've never thought you were in and you were in the butt cheeks ever Maybe

You have maybe like a 3% No, but correctly Assholes a little tighter than the vagina, but I mean but cheeks. Oh the cheeks. Yeah, just the cheeks Maybe inside the cheeks. Think back to high school. Think of big like she's like 225. You know, I mean Stop No No But I'm being serious. Am I am I off here? No, you're you know, the covid thing for me has been good

Yeah, because it stopped me from the road I was a road All the time. Yeah, me too. I lost weight, you know, I just kind of like and like You know, I was in Maui for three months out there. I was hiking And and you know just stopped me from everything, you know, we're used to hopping on planes and touring and and um, and then you know, uh, you know the mom thing and you know and You know the dad thing and my sister and all that stuff. So You know, they don't you know when when someone dies in your life, whether it's a parent or you know, they don't want you to mourn

You know, my parents don't want me to be sad. You know, they just don't I know they don't so you know On that is like, you know what I how can I how more can I beat myself up about them being dead? You know what I mean? Like enough. I gotta like kind of move forward So I moved to vegas and um, and I feel free, you know, I feel like my old self I feel like how I was in my 20s You know, just poly the one that america fell in love with the the guy from the movies and and you know all this The store is a heavy place for me, you know, just to talk about and watch the documentary and it's like it's not easy

Sure, you know what I mean? It's not a different thing for you. To me. It's my mom. Yeah, so it's not the comedy store It's my mom So I see the store and I go there and I just see my mom everywhere and it's like a reminder of my mom So, yeah, it's just like the house you grew up in. Yes. It's very sensitive for me. Yeah to be there So but I feel kind of fitting for you in a way that Like, you know, you associate with your mom your mom's gone and then the store is shut down Essentially, yeah, that's kind of an interesting Yeah, we were there. I was with jeff ross and tony and hinge cliff and everyone two nights ago

And we're watching the the documentary from the parking lot, you know, and it's just kind of sad You know, but at least everyone's going through it That's true. At least the whole world is going through this But I think comedians in particular. We're all mourning the loss of the store right now. I think we're all so I It has been the center of the universe at least for West coast or los angeles based comedians for I mean, it's always been obviously this very but particularly like the Last I would say like five years It has

Reignited into probably what it was, you know, when prior and that yeah Because like right, you know, it has been like such a hot spot. You're there on tuesday night wednesday night all three Sold out having fun. We're all just having up on stage Even when somebody passes away when we lost brody all of us coming together in the main room was really really I don't know. It was it was beautiful that we all could get here. I know i'm crying Yeah, can I tell you every time i'm in the main room and I leave and there's a sweet picture of you Pauly is a child and you're sitting and you're In the booth and you're watching stand-ups and like I don't know even how old you are

Do you know you know the picture i'm talking about? Yeah, yeah, how old are you in that photograph? I was probably 10 Yeah, yeah, and I was like I can't even imagine what that is like to be 10 and watching all this stuff and growing up in this Surreal it's a nighttime environment Yeah, you know, um, it was very special, you know, but the 70s were you know the 70s were You know at the store where it was like, you know it was um It was popping. Yeah, you know what I mean? It was fucking popping you know and the acts and it's like You know you look at the documentary and you look at the guys

You know you look at the eddie murphy's and the sam's and the dices and and you know the priors and stuff and then you look at the guys now And it's like for me. It's different You know what I mean? And I assume that it's probably different for most people, you know as far as The style of comic You know, you guys got like steve right. I mean this guy was fucking hilarious You remember steve right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean how fucking funny was he still funny? Yeah, you know, but just yeah the style back there Yeah, yeah, you know you got all these guys and And i'm not saying that the guys now

Aren't as good or not as good because I don't know but it's just different Yeah, it's totally different. But also it's like you got you you go like bruno mars. Oh, da da da. I'm like, mm michael jackson Yeah, you know, um, uh, Madonna or you know, uh, or lady gaga madonna. Yeah, you know Yeah, I mean it's also timber like uh, george michaels. Sure. Yeah I think that you know, it's who you grew up with it's who you grew up with too But it's also like it's the the art form evolves, you know Like in stand-up and stand-up goes through this thing. I think like every five years

Where you kind of there's usually some type of shift that happens, right? Like storytelling became More popular and then another shift. Well, we're probably in the middle of a shift right now Right because like the the climate shifts and then the comedy has to shift with it So it'll always be changing and evolving. Um, yeah, but we all miss it like desperately I'm saying like that we're probably gonna get out of this godforsaken city But uh, the thing that I'll I'll definitely feel like I'll definitely miss is the just the ability To on any night of the week, you know in regular times be able to go down there I'll miss that. We're just hanging out in the parking lot. Just seeing it'll you know guys

The store's not going anywhere And we're just gonna you know, I'm in vegas you guys will travel joes where he's at everyone's kind of going But we'll be back. Yeah, you know, it's like it's not going anywhere. Okay. Just tell me that I need that. Yeah. No, it's not going anywhere. The store's got to stay there. Okay, and and and you know, it should be a hollywood landmark It should you know, and I think it is I'm not exactly sure but I think we're trying to make it You should a hollywood landmark so it can never Go anywhere. Yeah, and I just think that um It's a place we all love, you know, it's every level of comic whether you're bigger medium

You know, it's the it's you know, I call it the emerald city for comedians It is because that's where we all go and and my binder has done a Magnificent job, you know with the doc and there's no one else that could have really directed Yeah, besides him because he's got the credibility and the respect from all the comics that he reached out to Yep So like if he reached out to Leno if he reached out to Letterman and whoopee and all these people they grew up with Mike, you know, Mike babysat me. He was there from the 70s. He was the youngest Youngest comic besides myself that started at the store. I mean, I remember when Mike binder started

Crazy. Yeah, he started. He was like the young comic. He was on the tonight show And for people that don't know a lot of people will recognize him From a minority report actually. Oh, is that right? Yeah, he's he's leo gets he's the He's the guy like if you're trying to put a face to him. I'm saying now um He's he's the guy that that crews You know confronts right there. That's him. That's Mike. There he is. Yeah. Yeah, so he's you know, he's um You know everything happens for a reason in life, you know, like all the sounds corny

But you know, he was gone from the store for many years. Yeah You know and he went and directed and rode and did his thing and then he's done very well and then um, uh, And then I got I got him and my mom back together Okay, I'm the one that brought that back together because my mom and him had some sort of a falling out I'm gonna have them on my podcast this tomorrow and I'm gonna talk more about that But um, they had some sort of a falling out It was I think my mom wanted to produce one of his specials and And and and I think Mike wanted someone else to produce it and it got weird and and Mike acknowledges now that he he fucked up

And he should have had my mom more involved Um With the stuff but when when Mike had the uh the show mind of a married man. Yes, which was on hbo. He created right? He created it. He started it. He did the whole thing Um, it was on hbo and this is when my mom started to slowly get sick. It was it was probably about 15 20 years Something like that. I don't know exactly yanta. What year was mind of the married man? Uh, tell us it's a tv show. Yeah, it was on hbo. I have to um Yeah, I have to I have to go to the bathroom yet the pee no

Oh, yeah, the poop we had zanku chicken for lunch. Oh, so let's take a break I didn't want to stop out while you were talking, but it's really bad. Yeah, and then we're gonna go Okay, and then we're gonna go. Okay. Tom's got diarrhea everybody. We're gonna stop down for diarrhea We're back. I just had you look a lot lighter Let's talk about it. Well, you think prompted it. Here's the thing. I'm sitting here like Ooh, and there's the adjustment where I'm like, oh, yeah, that's gonna be a problem And then Paulie's just like, you know, when I lost my mother and I'm like, uh, you gotta hold that You better hold your cheeks together for a minute. That's I'm not gonna be like, yeah, yeah, you can't sit and yeah

Yeah, and then and then we were like talking talking. I was like, this is not getting better um, so I just tried to get to a window where I could excuse myself and uh, that was that was like a top five Explosion in my life. Was it painful or just liquidy? No, it wasn't painful at all See, so when you telling me that I need to go, what are you feeling? It's not a cramping. No, it was it was This is like a real comfortable relationship. Yeah Like I've never seen a relationship like you guys are literally talking about shitting Yeah, and it's like looking at each other like you're talking about. Oh, uh, look at that tree

Well, welcome to That's hilarious. Well, I've squirted out two of his children. So I don't feel like there's much There's no mysteries left. Yeah, you know what I mean? What about I mean sex is it still? Hey Really? We just f'd last night, bro. Yeah, big load. So what about what about the viagra sialis thing? Never tried it. Really? Never done it. Let me tell you something. His erections are firm And solid and they last a long time. He does not have a problem getting erect I have friends who say they have no problem and they're still like you should try it meaning you should try Yeah, it's like a helpful. It's like a fun thing like a vitamin for your d. Yeah, I don't know though

I don't have any vitamin problems there. Well, if you take just this like cost 20 bucks You know like a viagra pill you just take a sliver of it. You don't take the whole thing. Oh really? Yeah, you like a fourth and then you're just hard all night. It's just it's cool It's like a little extra helper. Yeah, you know what I mean? You don't need it Do you ever have a little sliver and then put like a cock ring on so that you're like about to Explode or no? No. No Can I give you one? Can I give you one? Yes, you can. Okay

I'll get you one Are you fucking any hoes in? I thought we were talking about Mike binder and my mom stuff. Oh, yeah, so they got uh, so Yeah, so so I got my mom and Mike binder back together through the mind of the married man because It was on hbo and we were watching it And and I said I said, you know, they need to get back together So I call Mike up and I'm like, you know, you got to come and watch the show with my mom And they'd seen each other in years

So then I brought them back together and that was really cool. And then, you know, that was like the first intro and then um, and then when she passed I invited him to the funeral To mom's funeral and then that's when I think, you know, he got locked in as the director for the doc and you know Got more, you know to do that and and um, and I just like his approach with it So I thought he did a good job. Yeah, if somebody wants to see it, right? It's on showtime right now. You could probably watch it on demand Yeah, it's all over showtime. I mean people have seen it and they're talking about it. Yeah. Yeah, it's um You're doing other stuff right now too. Yeah, we're doing a whole bunch of stuff. You're doing so many things. Oh, here it is

Yeah, the comedy store Yeah, yeah, Sandra Bernhardt. I did her podcast that was cool because she was a girl that was there at the store For many years. She was a girl that was there at the store. Yeah, I know I like her I because I Yes, I grew up watching her. She's fantastic. She's like, I always want to be a serious actress and I'm Yeah, I like and Roseanne. I loved Roseanne. I'm obviously growing up Yeah, and there's a girl that you guys might not a female comic that you guys might not know of that was actually like one of the Funniest female comics at the store. Her name was Lois Bromfield. Oh, look it up. Lois Bromfield was my babysitter Who she was married to she was a lesbian Bromfield. She was a lesbian total

Can you say D? I'm not gonna say it. Can you say? Yeah, I'm not gonna say it. Sure So she was a full lesbian and she was married to a gay comedian a guy named Steve Moore And the reason why and he was like totally gay gay, you know, and the reason why they got married Is because Lois? Yes Yes, she was great She's in the documentary too. Wait, the reason they got married was because she was from canada Oh, and she needed a green card

But they were my legal guardians When I was in fifth sixth seventh and eighth grade Oh my gosh, because I went to Beverly Hills high school, but we didn't live in Beverly Hills So my mom got a house in Beverly Hills. Just so me and my brother peter can go to a Beverly Hills school Otherwise we would went to Fairfax or Hollywood High at the time it was gangs and you know and rough it was rough like that. So Lois Um was my my legal guardian and she used to take me to school She was always fucked up. Did you actually because I remember you were on mtv

So young so did you graduate high school and then write to mtv? No, that was like about four years later. Oh, it was so you were like 21 or 22 when you started doing that 22 23 Okay, did you go to college after high school? No, no, but mtv was like my college So those years that everyone else was in college. Yeah, those, you know years from like what? You know 2020 to 20 to 25. Yeah, I was on on on mtv Wow and what a cool. I mean look at this I mean this is basically the result of you watching The greatest comic since you're a little kid and then you become this huge comic too

And you were it's like you you just you tapped into this moment in time. It was so perfect Well, that's the thing but you guys did too. So it's like that's the thing. It's like people are like Even my mom like oh your mom, you know, she and she did she was the right person at the right time With the right club and the right era So you guys as well like if you guys would have came up 20 years ago Trying to do this thing. Yeah what you're doing. It might not have this might not and also joe and everyone That's successful doing what you're doing now. So I came in at a time where mtv needed me. Yeah, you know perfect timing Yeah, so like that's how it is, you know and and

I also remember that yeah life is like that. I just remember also that watching, you know People now will never like a young person now Can't wrap their head around What mtv meant to us Like what when we were watching you, you know, that was the equivalent of Like it's there's almost no equivalent, you know, I mean it's like now like it's it was the spot the one place

And I don't think there is it's like lady gaga level. Yeah, there's not like that one thing now But like if you're a young You know and you're like, what are you watching? Like what's cool? It was mtv. MTV was it the shit. It's just it mark That's just it and it was so famous. Why is the jews laughing in the other room? What's he doing? You want some shmere? What's going on? What's he doing? Yeah, he wants some jews shit. Oh, yeah. No, it was uh, it was it was you know I mean all the way from trl to you know headbangers ball to You know to yo mtv wraps a spring break spring break was you know, it was oh my god

That's where the kids you would fucking watch and you'd be like, I want to go to fucking spring break How many times did you get your ds on spring break? I didn't get any girls. I was just working the whole time No No, I have a lot of stories at spring break. Yeah, I know it was um It was uh, it was interesting I one of my my great stories at spring break was when rodney dangerfield was down there And he was promoting like one of his films and anytime again actor would promote one of their films. They would like Make them go on your show. So I got to film with him. It was pretty dope. And when we were rehearsing

Um, we went up to his room and he opens a door. It's not not that original of a rodney dangerfield story But he had it he had his like, you know, his robe on and his dick was hanging out and he was smoking weed You know what I mean? Yeah And that's how it was back then, you know the man. Yeah, and uh, you had lenny kravitz there with his loincloth You know and you had like, you know, uh Uh, I don't quarry felman was down there. That was like a big deal This was when he was going through his like his his michael jackson phase. Yes So he had like his glasses on and his white makeup and his glove

And then me and christian slater were sharing a room. Uh, uh, yeah, we shared a hotel room. I loved him. Wow. Yeah The best gleaming the cube. Are you fucking kidding me? What about pump up the volume pump up the volume? Shit, he's getting jealous. Still a hotty. He got so jealous. So how much cost between you and christian slater like You guys got a double team. Yeah. Were you just passing like no deep and got all the babes really? Yeah I mean christian got nothing. No, that's a lot. No, at first even in that michael jackson get up No, that was weird when we that was my first spring break. It was uh 1989 And it was we were down there and sandler was there with remote control. Oh my god And um, yeah and can over and all that shit and uh

And um, you know, you had donald trump over with the hawaiian tropic girls Yep with fabio and fucking john love it and there's trump and trump is there grabbing vagina The guy the guy that used to run run, uh, the guy that used to run spring break Was a guy named ron rice Ron rice ran hawaiian tropic. Remember the hawaiian tropics? Yeah, yes He used to do contests with these hawaiian tropic girls was fucking awesome, dude And then you had like, you know after he'd have like, uh, you know, hawaiian tropic parties And then that's where like lorenzo llamas was there and you know, that whole like cheese fest usa

Yeah, but it was awesome. So you're saying there was a lot of contests for chicks because you've got lorenzo llamas You've got christian slater cori felman And poly short. So there's a lot There's a lot of dudes a lot of high guys. Yeah, but there was more girls than guys Yeah, so you still found a way. Yeah. No, it was it was uh, it was um But it was you know, you felt you know as a as a as a as a vj, you know video jockey You felt really cool if you had a microphone like this and it said it had an empty Immediately you were like the cool guy. I thought you were so cool when I was watching you and I was like

One day I'm gonna have a boyfriend who wears those socks And the high tops and a bandana. Like you were just wild man. You were so fucking cool We were having fun and you know what I liked about it too is like You weren't too cool for school. Do you know what I mean? Like you are still you're silly and I love silly too That's so refreshing when someone's all like they allow themselves to be silly What's this guy doing? This guy's being silly stealing my moves He's douching. What the fuck's he doing? I think it's a lady. It's disgusting. Is that a lady? Is it not? God, it's a lady. It's a lady. It's an old Asian lady. She's she's a ding

No, she's erin or kucha. She's wearing right now. I wish I had a bidet like that. Yeah, so powerful That's fucking strong That's a really strong bidet. Yeah, I get it. I could use one right now Can you guys talk about each other's shits some more? Yeah, please just like you know, do you smell each other's shits? You know what? He did just take a shit in there. You might want to go and smell that. I've already I got it all Wait, but we didn't get back. So how do you know you have to dump? You don't feel pain. It wasn't pain I just how do you know that it's going to be messy? You just feel like Internally, you're like this is a loose one. Is it gurgling? Is it? Well, it's like it's like you just like you feel like I could feel that it was

It was a water show. I knew it. You're still not being specific. Is it watery? It's like cramping It's a tell you it's the little fingers in your butthole going like this is gonna be real bad They just tell you I don't but I don't have that warning I mean, it's not a cramp. It wasn't pain. You don't know what I'm talking about. No. Yeah, it's like. Oh, is this a fart? And you're like nope. Nope, but you just know how do you explain it? You just I don't know It's like there's a signal to your brain But what's that? There's really not a better feeling than letting it out. Oh my god. It's the best a horror show

That was fucking saw too. I mean that was just So bad what so it didn't feel but you know, it was really. Oh, I was like, oh god. Yeah. Yeah, it was very relieving Yeah, have you ever gotten a colonic before never have you gotten a colonic? No, I'm afraid you'll put the spot out here No, that's great. I'll do it. It's legitimately great. It's really good. They fill you up, right? Yeah, it's basically you go in there In tell me tell me I talk you guys want to do it together. He's fucking jerking off as I'm talking about pulling shit out of your ass Tell me tell me. He's like, oh god that shit pulling out motherfucker No, so so you go in there you take off all your clothes you get in a robe And then you lie on the on the the table and you lean your cheek to the lady that's doing it

And she gets some uh, she's got this like kind of like this tube thing Not the tube tube part, but the plastic part and she puts some ky around it And then and then puts ky in your asshole and then you're the one like you're the one tom You're the one you're in control that takes it and then puts it in your ass like this and you get it So it's not like scrap. So it's not scratchy, you know what I mean? Yeah, so it's right there like how thick is the tube It's like, you know, it's like a little is it like a finger? Is it like having a finger in your bum tubes? You know a little thicker, but then the thing that put in your in your butt is not how far up do you put it up there? Well, let me let me finish so you put I got a burp once. I think I have to shit

You all right What are you doing? That was like watching it that was so weird That was like a that was a special needs kids kind of like I got a walk in a circle to make it come out like all right, buddy Why did you have to walk in a circle to get up and shit? I can't get up and burp. I mean it was a little okay. All right fine I'm not I'm not against it. It was just it was special So it was so well because I'm sitting on this couch. You guys are talking about shit. Okay, okay

Wait, let's go back to what's okay. So yeah, so So, uh, so you put the ky in there and then you're the one that sticks it in you you put it in and you go like this The way you put it in as you go And then as you go you stick it in your asshole Okay, right and then she takes the plastic tube and she connects it And then you and then you and then you go from a fetal position To this position and you just relax and you're on your phone Okay, and then you're emailing and texting and stuff and then and then she she I like coffee colonics

So there's like a bag of water or whatever and they pour coffee in it because that's it cleans you out more You know, yeah, it makes sure you're asked through your shit kind of like loosen up more And then what happens is what happens is she she turns it on She turns it on the coffee or the water No, because the the coffee is inside the water because it's water and then she pours, you know what I mean Is it a latte? Is there cream and sugar? In the coffee you could probably get cream and sugar if you ask for it, but it's usually just coffee So look he's getting mad. He's about to come. He's like go on

Go on how much of it fills you up? So yeah, so so she turns it on And and until you say stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop and then she stops Because obviously it starts to get uncomfortable because your stomach fills up and then she undone like stops the water Slash coffee and then all of a sudden, you know, it kind of you and then you know All the the the fluid that she put in you and then it starts to come out And then slowly you can see your shit Come out and then you get excited. You're like, oh my god It's so much been in there for so long

How much is it so much stuff that's because you know, you take it I don't want to do this. I'm telling you. It looks so painful. Everyone goes to this. I'm gonna name drop some celebrities I don't want to I don't I take enough shits that I don't think there's anything left. No, there's stuff left That's the whole thing is you think you got stuff you got stuff that's left over from like your child a boot a shoe A bicycle, you know, are you hard through this? Do you get what do you get hard? Are you like hard your shit hard or your penis hard penis? No, no Wait, but I explain this to me then you do it. So it lasts about 45 minutes

She's on and off on and off on and off and you leave and you feel great Hold on though the brown so the water goes up in you and then the shit comes out of you through the same tubing No, yeah, you take out the tube it goes into a different into but then how come the kaka goes through a little narrow The narrow part that you've inserted like how does the brown you understand her question? Yeah, you brown comes out fit brown's like this big and then how does it go small? I feel like i'm in a fucking special needs class right now Because what you insert in your butt hole is tiny like this. Yes And so you're telling me that the shit that's like this big

gets sucked into that tiny tube and then into the tubing. Yeah, that's what i'm telling you. Yeah, it does It just goes through. I don't I don't understand. Okay But it's great. Are you gonna do it? I'll give you the phone. You should do it. It's really good I think you and birch do it and then compare who's got more brown Okay What's a good contest Well, i'm glad I can assist you guys in a Do you know any only takes a shit once a month who what any the other guy at the non-j in there

He only shits once a month. What if we give you a colonic? Oh wait, you can't hear him though. You don't have headphones on yo Once a month. Yeah once a month, man I mean the once a month was a challenge specifically for myself, but generally it's like twice a month. That's not good, bro Hey, man. Take him there. I mean I heard doctors tell me it's all right. Can we take you to colonics? Uh, what does that mean? So I do the thing up the what you guys? But you fill your guts with water and then you brown it and brown it down I'm good. You wouldn't even do it for pay

How much we're gonna pay him It's not bad what's his name any any any yeah any it's not bad you actually feel a lot better afterwards You know, it's a little uncomfortable obviously during the process of it But afterward you feel a lot lighter and cleaner and more alert actually I believe that every time you've done it a bunch a lot. Yeah for years. Oh for years. Yeah It doesn't hurt no It's uncomfortable when the water goes in your stomach

But then you just go stop stop stop stop stop and then they stop and then they they sometimes get like a like a Not a vibrator, but like a massage massage tool to rub on your stomach to break it up even more Annie come on. Are you down? Dude, it would it would be an unreasonable amount. I I couldn't really it'll be really unreasonable What did he say? He said he would only do it for an unreasonable amount. No, dude. It's not that big of a deal. Just do it I'll pay you Whatever

I'm just different, man. I'm just different Okay, it'd be unreasonable. Okay. Wait, what be realistic. What is your price to go do the colonics? You know that a go fund me is being created right now The fans are already why don't we get yantiff to do it first? Huh, come on yantiff. I have yantiff has no problem. Yeah, of course. I know because he knows What's in all that guilt out of his asshole? What is your number? Like like 20,000. Oh god. Oh Stop

Well, hopefully his colon will be you know, okay. Have you gotten the colonoscopy thing? No How do you 41? Yeah, you should do it. Yeah, I did it. How was it? um It's you know, uh, it's fine I mean invasive I mean kind of a little bit, but I mean you have to check for your asshole. You don't have cancer Yeah, yeah, were you out? You're out, right? Yeah

Did they show you cool video when you're done? They give you a popsicle. They do. No, no No, um, it's just one of those things. We're not here forever, you know and And even when my friend my friend died of brain cancer a while like two years ago, you know people You know, you probably have friends like all of a sudden blah blah blah just got cancer. You're like, what the fuck? Yes, it it's it's so random cancer. Just like it's so fucked up. You just don't know it's alarming. I know It's a fucking nightmare, right? And so I got my brain scanned after my friend had brain cancer

I'm like, fuck. What the fuck? You don't know you ever get little headaches like yeah, like you're like, oh shit. You're like, oh shit. That's a tumor Yeah, immediately like that's a tumor So I wanted to get my brain checked because if I'm if it's a wrap I want to know it's a wrap I don't want to all of a sudden pass out and then they oh, you have a tumor. You have to cut it out of your head Yeah, like I want to know everything and everything was fine though. Yeah, everything was fine Whether you're new to the gym or you've been lifting weights for years It is hard to find the right workout program and stick to it

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Yeah, um, have you ever have you ever been in confrontations with people? I mean family members family. Yeah, but not strangers when I was a kid You would get in like little when I was a kid when I was in high school Yeah, when I was in high school. I was a kind of a bully. You were yeah, that's hard to picture. Yeah Yeah, I used to fight really throw your cans on I'll show you one right here Show me a fight. Yeah. Well, this is a confrontation. Okay. We got a video of a confrontation in australia Step away from your fucking karma. Your bag's hitting it All right, you can back up. It's more personal space than you expect

Yeah, fucking moron. What's with your fucking look, man? What's with this shit, man? Look at this shit. Look at your fucking park. Then you're pushing your fucking bag on me. Come on. That's what's with it You're rude. Fuck. Get some respect. You're reaching for something, aren't you? Aye, aye. Don't touch my fucking car, Conor. I'll start touching your fucking bike All right, you're fucking digging You're a fuckwit, man. Fuckwit, Con. Fuckwit. Don't touch the fucking car with your bad car You're lucky you got a fuck down, man. You keep punching the fucking head

What the fuck is wrong with these guys? You're a fuckwit, Con. You want to fucking do something, man? He's got a little ice cream, little baby ice cream That's hilarious. He's yelling with his little ice cream. That's adorable And their accents are so friendly What was that? What was fucking that? Yeah, you're a fuckwit, Con. Aye, you have to hold this. Hold this. Oh, hold my cone.

That's hilarious. Why did they want to fight the guy? Because his bike was there. What did he do? Conor, you'll fucking get it And the guy has one arm The guy in the motorcycle has one arm. Yeah, he's an amputee. Oh, my god. What'd you say, Con? Hold this What'd you fucking say? I didn't say nothing. Yeah, I fucking hate not, mate. Now, fuck off. Don't touch our fucking car again, Con. Got it? You little fuckwit, Con. Don't touch the fucking car again or you'll get fucking dead.

Point your fucking finger at me, Con. I fucking do, Con. Do something, Con. What are you gonna fucking do, Con? Whoa. That's terrifying. You can knock you cleaner out, Con. Do something. Your little fuck, Con. You can see what happens, Con. It's win-win for me, mate. Oh, yeah.

Can you get your ass kicked by me or you kick my ass? He's gonna drop those ice cream. You're gonna get your fucking ass kicked, mate. He's still holding the ice cream, the friend. He's not holding it right. It's gonna drop. Make me, Con. Oh, my god. Jesus Christ. Isn't that great? No.

This is my friend, Jim. Jim's filming it. But their accents are so cute and funny, it still sounds like sweet, doesn't it? But it's funny. They say, Con, like, it's nothing. Con's way more chill. That's one gnarly word. It is, especially here.

I like that. Good, Con. I've got to fight in my TikTok batch if you want to see that one. Yeah? You guys know where it is. Do these guys actually fight or no? No. Is it the last one in the talk batches? Look at this one. It's apropos this discussion.

I eat my sperm. Look at this guy. It contains healthy ingredients and some people eat animal sperm, too. Good females eat their menstrual blood. Good luck. I don't even remember submitting this. Well, this is in Norway.

They're so progressive and they have so much going on. You want to see your top? Yeah, I want to see the one that I sent to Zola. The very last one? Yeah, I'll try that one. It's a fighting one. Okay, here we go. Look at how fat I look.

Look at you. You look like a cookie white I did. I am white. Don't film. I'm not going to fight her. I'm not making the first movie retard. So cute. Adorable. Sounds like a boy.

I'm not making the first movie retard. Movie retard. This is what our world has become. All these fucking hand care. I did that show. What was it? The ridiculousness. It's the same thing. It's like crazy.

People like to capture other people doing crazy shit, right? It's like America's... It started off with America's funniest videos. Right, but these are America's funniest videos. I bet you've dated some girls who are like are we ever going to get married? You've definitely dated girls like that.

Some girls have pressured you and they're like when are we going to tie the knot? For sure. You're Pauly Shore. How are you even pausing on this? I know. Come on. Never in the last 30 years Nug Chick has been like are we going to get married?

Yes, I did get engaged once. But I was like 26. Check out what this girl does. This girl wants her man to commit. He works at Target. He works there. This is what she does. That's hilarious.

And it's time to do it or get out. We're getting married right now or I'm leaving. That's hilarious. If you don't marry me... She brought a pastor. Like an aficionate. And the best woman. Bridesmaids.

I'm just finally making him commit. She's hot. Or like it's over. He's like I'm going to fucking shift right now. Not work. Yes, we can talk about this outside. Shaking. Oh my god.

Crazy. That just shows you right there by the way. If you're at home watching this and you're like what about me? This guy works at Target. I'm not putting them down. But if he can find a chick that's demanding to marry him.

On the job. So can you. You probably did that with him when he was on stage. Of course. And I was like are we going to do this or what? And you're like yo babe I'm trying to finish my fucking act. Yeah. Hello. I'm in the middle of a set up. Locked him in.

How did you guys... I know you dated for a while but how did you get... Because I remember you did my podcast. Right? You were talking about my mattress on the floor. That's what Tommy had when I met him. Yeah.

We met when he was 23 and I was 26 and when we started dating he had a mattress on the floor and he didn't even have soap in his shower. He just used shampoo on his crotch and his hair. That's how much of a bachelor kid he was. I was like I'll go if the shampoo does make soap.

Yeah. And then where did you guys first connect? Where was it? I mean you're from the valley so... We met doing open mics at the... Well actually it was a bringer show at the cat club on the sunset. I don't remember the cat club.

So the guy, the player from... Straight cats owned it. They used to do shows there. Kathy Kinicky would book the show and she was just... We were in the same circle of people that were doing those shows. Yeah. So you guys were open micers.

Yes. Same time. Now we're babies when we met each other and then we just grew up together in the same comedy circles. But you guys haven't... That's a long time ago. That's 20 years ago. Yeah 20 years. So you guys have been together 20 years?

Well we started dating in 05. Started dating in 05. This is like a fucking newlywed game here. You guys got cards and shit like what did you say? I would love to do that game. Do you think we would do well? I think I would do well.

You guys would be hilarious. I know him like I know like my kids. Like right now he's uncomfortable. He's like I don't want to talk about this. I know what all this means. I don't think he knows me as well as I know him. I observe.

You don't think I observe? Not as much as I observe you. I'm very familiar with all of your stuff. I would love to do a newlywed game with Tom. If they bring it back. Ask her a newlywed question. Let's see if she gets it right. You have to write down the answer.

What do you think your partner would say? This will be good. We're making whoopee. That's how they start it. We're making whoopee. What position do you guys do in the morning? Morning whoops.

Let me see. I mean I know. Let's see what he says. We have to write it down. Is it what I think he's going to say? Yes. What he's going to say is... But don't say it.

Because he's got to say it. Let me see what you wrote. Dude. This is morning sex. Ask her a couple more. Ask her a couple more. No. We're going to figure this out right here.

When having sex in the morning what position do you guys have when you're making whoopee? I think it's side meet show. In the morning? That's how the show goes. And then the person does that.

Just do the show and stop saying that's how the show goes. No I'm saying that's what happens on the show. Not in the mornings. You always want me on top in the morning. So you're on top. Ask me another one. Here we go. Another one.

Go ahead. Who comes? At dinner. Maybe pre-COVID. Pre-COVID and the check comes. Because I know financially you guys have your own thing. Who picks up the check? No.

Come on dog. Easy one. Who touches it? It's definitely me. It's time. Last one. Go ahead. Moral sex more.

You or Tom? When it comes to giving it and getting it. Those are two different. Who likes to receive it more? First receive it. Who likes to receive it? And then who likes to give it more? Do the first one.

Who likes to receive it more? So you like getting head more than she likes getting her vagina eaten out? Let me see. I think I'm the answer to both questions. Copy. So you're the one on both.

I like that. So do you give her oral sex though? As long as she lets me. She's usually like, did you pay the bills? And then I'm like, all right. I checked the bank statements first. I'm like, you can go down on me.

Exciting. She's like, lap it up. We should do this segment. Let's do a newlywed game with Pauli. Throw those cans on real quick. You want to do a segment? Let's do a show with Pauli. Let's show him some of your talks.

Are you wanting me to talk? He should be. You're going to love it. If you like depraved videos and the mentally ill, you're going to like this. All right, Garrett. Put your forehead right here. Not.

I said forehead. Okay. Oof. Oh, God. You like her hair? Do you like the hair on her chin? It's like she's from the Ding Dong show. Oh, yeah.

There's more. There's a lot more coming. Wait a minute. Let me explain this lane. This is a whole new lane to talk. This is the horny older person who thinks they're being funny. That's it. She has a cool beard. Oh, God, dude.

What the fuck, bro? I don't need to see that shit. Did you hear it? He didn't hear it. He didn't hear it. Listen. He was cracking the ligament in his dick. I don't need to see this. How do you not like to see that?

I don't like to see that. Are you even a comedian? This is so much fun. You're a sick son of a bitch. Look. There's Pauly in high school right there. I love this guy. That's hilarious.

It looks like Rick Ingram. This is for Tom. I just like the confrontation ones for you. Let me see that one again. Good. You're a sick son of a bitch. I watched this guy put his greasy finger up his shitty ass

and rub it in the wall. That's hilarious. It's so funny to say that as you're getting kicked out of the post. He put his finger in his ass and touched all the food and just ruined everybody's night. His sweaty ass cracked.

Everyone's done that. A good friend of mine has got her green chin in the mail from a different website. So, I decided to use Wish and hopefully it looks like what the picture shows

and it comes on time. I don't know, but I got a pretty good deal on it so I can't do much. The fuck is wrong with this guy? This is what he looks like when he arrives. Let's see. One, two, three behind me.

That's what he's supposed to look like. I think he's gonna have polymer clay or some type of clay. He's not silicone. The fuck is wrong with this person? He's a different character. I don't know who that is. He's absolutely cute.

So, hopefully when I get him, it might be the best reaction ever to a TikTok ever. Don't ask me. I'm excited for Christmas. Bye. Wait. That's terrible. Isn't that bad?

You'll like this one. Oh, fuck. Oh, Jesus. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. Wow. Wow. I did not put that in the mix. That's just Tom.

Wow. My queen's above 18. There's a special request going on to a very special queen above 18. Her name is Sarah. She is absolutely beautiful. Very stunning queen

above 18. Sarah, would you be my queen for the day? You know the king loves his queens above 18. You have a good night, my queen. Sweet dreams. I will talk to you in the morning.

Kisses my queen above 18. What the fuck is he talking about? You could adopt this persona. Polly Shore could be like, hello, my queen's above 18. What's he trying to say? He's trying to talk to women who are for sure not minors.

Okay. So he just says queen's above 18. And then send me your boob pics and then he makes you queen for a day. He's just making it real clear that I'm talking to adults. Well, I like his showlessness. By the way, we haven't given him credit for being a real good cool guy. The lighting is shit.

He's laying down to make the video. It's out of focus. I mean, it's too bad. It looks like Tom when Tom talks about shitting. Yes, it does. I feel a connection to this man. The king. Should we go to the next one?

Of course we should go to the next one. This guy's got like Rappaport fucking headphone stuff. I know, what's going on with you? Oh no, it's Bobby Lee. I'm going to advocate for and allow for the acceptance of top front, you know, top the top being

off on all people. Shirtlessness. What do you call it? Blouseness. And I think that there's nothing wrong with it and we should it should be accepted and legal because it does no harm to anybody.

And I think that we need to free the top part of person's body that that way, you know, there's nothing to hide and that Yes, on prop 27 of people

regardless of what they're if someone doesn't deep fake Bert onto this, you're really missing out on the whole point of having this shit. The angel with Bert's wings is waving you own

it's Halloween so the spookies above 18 I'm sorry that I took a couple days off I was okay and a bad I was mourning my

best friend, my six I was missing him so I kind of took a break but I I'm back and he's still horny so you guys have a beautiful day you guys are beautiful you guys are looking amazing

I love the videos I thank you for the support I really do he's in a better place I put a grade marker up for him and I talk to him every morning his six toe if you need some shout outs

my six toe I thought his first name was Mike and his last name was six toe that's what I understood he's just he's back so that's the horny jokie talk

where people think they're being really funny and horny I don't know did it work for you what it enticed you to DM her to slide into her DM what if she didn't look like her but it was the same thing

what if she was like a really hot chick it depends on where you're at in the day or night mentally you know there's a certain time of day where you'd be like I'm gonna DM her but not her

we got that but also you gotta be careful these days you can't just be like hey I don't know how you would do it this seems like a dangerous world you gotta just keep it very PC hey how's it going

you look fantastic you can't go into the old days you wanna come over would you like to meet at a public location no you can't you can't say that you can't be like hey

maybe have dinner let's go get coffee it's anything worse than a coffee date gross would that work for you the funny jokie horny lady no not really you know why though

I'll tell you the other thing this is why chicks that really spit on your dicks sit on your face you think it's gonna happen from the girl that's forward sexually joking about it she's not like that

that girl who's quiet on the ground she's the one you wanna take home and tie up she's the real savage so what you're saying is the ones that really throw it out there hey it's unattractive

I think anybody being horny on tiktok is unattractive you know who sometimes is like the real put out the girl who like when everyone's hanging out and like some girls making like sexy jokes and there's one girl who's not and you think she's timid are they offending you

you think she's maybe offended and she's not she's just like this is child's play these jokes would you agree with that I don't know you can't really do or say anything anymore so I can't comment no comments

it's interesting because you know you go out you're in line at a coffee shop you see a pretty girl you talk to her but you can't you can say hi but you can't be like hey

da da da da da like when I hang it in her main you just gotta keep it super is that what you do so will you say hi you'll be like hi that's lame so how do you get a date yeah it's just this guy

you know it's just kind of a natural like she's gotta kind of be putting it out more so you need her to lead a little bit be forward a little bit you know there's gotta be and then also if you just come across nice and you're not trying

and you just keep it friendly then that's kind of like the direction I think and then at the end of the day it's interesting a lot of times you'll meet girls or all meet girls and they'll say they have a boyfriend and instead of getting like

but heard about it you're like cool let's be friends the old days you'd be like oh I don't want to be your friend but the new days it's like yo I could be friends with a hot girl because if you go out with her then what other girls

and then you just become friend in Vegas I'm friends with a lot of pretty girls totally friends yeah just they have boyfriends and I'm like cool how'd you meet them though through friends

you know or an Instagram like oh follow my friends Instagram and you know Instagram is like a great place to meet people as long as it's done in a way that is not gross so here's the thing though guys is that I think with these horny talks is that

I think these women think that by putting it out there like hey I'm really into sex that it's going to attract men so but what you're saying is this does not that one's really great you're not going to it's not going to attract men

it's dick repellent no I think what happens is it ends up being the okie doke because like the girl that goes like the girl who goes like I like my man like in me you go like the natural thing is to be like okay either she's funny or you're like oh she's horny

I'm saying that you're going to be misled you're going to be fooled thinking that she's like overtly sexual and I think she isn't I think it's just joke so it doesn't work this tactic doesn't work I don't think it works well no does this work you know if for giants weren't meant to be kissed

they wouldn't have came with lips just saying yeah that's another horny jokie talk okay this is maybe turned everything on its head I think she's a bonafide certified A1 slut right can I see the beginning part and miss the beginning part

you know if for giants weren't meant to be kissed they wouldn't have came with lips just saying she fucks see yeah she fucks alright yeah right away and I'll give her I'll find her and I'll reach out to her with Paulie's info

she fucks no doubt about it and she's probably got a 27 year old kid boobs the proof that men can focus on two things at once I can't roll my eyes hard enough there's our big melons

the problem with bite veganism is that it's rooted in self ego and about being better and above from others that is settler colonialism you can't talk about healthy food without addressing colonialism in our own food systems and it's really embedded in what we eat

okay I don't know what the fuck that guy said yeah yeah it's a fun guy to hang out with for sure he's a good time ladies have you ever been with a man who's like super vocal in bed and you're on top and he's like staring at you and is like

oh my god you're so beautiful and you're staring at him like this yeah okay so that worked for Paulie I think she's funny I thought that was pretty funny I think she's funny and I also think that she fucks I don't think she fucks

yeah she's not full of it so you're saying you've changed your mind on the whole morning I'm not changing my mind I'm going on an individual basis and I think like certain people that make the sex jokes, certain women that make the sex joke are

false advertising there's a difference between those can I take a piss real quick let's do a prediction before we play the talk I want to go on looks alone do you think she fucks or not yeah absolutely

she sucks dick more though she sucks dick go ahead Tom 100% she fucks okay let's hear the talk okay this is a really good game those are big tits but I think the angle makes it look bigger

make them look bigger most girls blush at dirty scenes in the movies I laugh because I know I can do better she's true she's probably really good at it yeah I think so too she sucks a lot of d's

I think you're right about the dick sucks more than sex she puts out that way more it's also like when she's done you'd be like hey that was really impressive she probably does it really good for sure and she's never not swallowed yeah

she's never like come on my tits she's like I'm taking it all she's taking big loads and little loads and like if she gets up and as she's getting up she notices there's like a drop on your thigh it comes back down licks it up

she's from the midwest or the south probably from Michigan that's where they teach it she's sophisticated enough to do the cat eye makeup which leads me to believe it's a big city those are big tits they're good big milkers

and then and then and then out you gotta you gotta really feel it in your diaphragm this guy's hilarious this guy's hilarious this is the smart way, this is how porn

is figured out how to make its way to tiktok so this is also new is porn this is her page? so this is a real porno? yeah and they've managed to splice it into this little segment well you have to go to petunia primrose's page but usually tiktok will flag

pornography or take it down so they've found a nice loophole in the system so I'm congratulating them and maybe they have the link to the scene in their body but it's smart that pornographers are using this medium

it's about time because it caught me off guard I was like what's this this is porn and it was kind of neat this hairstyle is so cute but it might be disrespectful for you to wear it here's what to ask yourself before trying your new hairstyle

is this style important to a culture or tradition? oh my god I can't I just can't I don't know what that hole is it offensive to do your hair a certain way? yeah it is okay

this next generation oh shh that's hilarious that was real you can tell that was pretty authentic yeah that was fantastic that was funny oopsie

she made a oopsie the bomb is furious that was great here we go another horny funny oh y'all have a good day now does she fuck

does she fuck this one I'm on the fence about yeah probably I'd say she gets gang bang more I don't think she just one guy is not going to be able to handle that she's a lot she needs a team of fucking guys

she's like more dicks the better did you joke about this but I would legit be I could definitely see being with her her being like where's your dick? I don't know I went back inside you because you were so turned on I went back inside of me

but then even if it were hard there was just so much of her I could see her being like what are you doing? I'm just looking for a spot I don't see anything yet I am 100% without a doubt a top

unless there's pegging involved I am totally willing to be bottom bitch for a girl with a strap this guy is confused with cats or whatever what's that show? don't fuck with cats this looks like the guy

that's the sitcom version everybody hates everybody hates cats you mean don't fuck with cats everybody hates cats that's why I'm talking about this what's his name? Luca Luca Montagna this guy is very cute

this guy is very cute I'm not a dog I don't know this guy is like this guy is like he's a dog he's like this guy is like

that's dope that's what I'm saying this was rad cool ass tribal guy he knows exactly what had his teeth that was cool somebody ripped that shit apart

where in the world is this oh that's Cleveland it's right by the river I was so taken by the absolute randomness that's a good talk that's a good talk the best thing you could do for somebody is make them smile

or go down on them Christina what do you think I think it's time I don't think she fucks though or does she she's like the accountant lady she blows

the best way to start a day the best way to start a day is to give a hand I got pretty bad diarrhea that doesn't stop you hey yo this is a wellness check did you take your medicine today

or did you forget again take it right now did you drink water no fucking drink some I see you dehydrated did you eat eat

even if it's a little bit you gotta eat and have a great day wow who is that for whoever needs to hear it it was upsetting the whole way around do you need to eat before my haircut

this is me after my haircut I look so much prettier she's so rad so this is grandma deroniak and she makes pretty bangin' talks I'm milling into her feed right now that seems like a very advanced like concept to

execute for a senior like that that's what I mean she's a firm grasp of how this works and I really appreciate that oh are these what the hell are these are these the Reese's ones though these are the scare people in public if you don't know how

they will be at maybe you should not do that in public it's true it's a good warning don't scare people in public don't so this is what happens

if you refuse to wear a mask in the italian senate how great is that madonna they're also fans of madonna that is so insane that's so different that laying out here

in the states there there's just like a whole theatrical scene took place they carried them out like a child and they're you know the italians amazing

now do you remember who this is Tom I don't know what that is do you remember what tiktok star this is yeah who is it it's a lady she washed her hands

I got it the fuck is this she's got a lot of fans paranormal activity or some shit she's got a lot of fans people make t-shirts they send her her own shirts she is huge on the talk right now

it's really nice tiktok they taste refreshing because I'm clean I think shower that's how yaguro's needs to be this one I'd like to thank Ethan Klein

he sent this to us let's give Ethan full credit he says I shower I'm clean I shower I'm clean he does have a point that if you shower you should be able to lick your armpits like that

it's all discolored I don't even think it's about that I think just physically about him oh you think he's gnarly yeah he's gnarly yeah he's super gnarly he's got enough fucked up things in my head I don't need to get more

insert more fucking gnarly no disrespect to him as a human being but I don't want to see him naked you're a nasty ass motherfucker you know that shit sweating with the wheeze why don't you play that video play sweating with the wheeze

it's my workout video aww yeah it's cool I do it in my backyard I have a dance partner it's called because I got a lot of comments that I look like Richard Simmons so I'm like fuck

this isn't the one you do look exactly like Richard Simmons go to the other one go to the one in Vegas sweat with the wheeze yeah there you go that's good right there we just put that

this is your pad? and who's your partner here this is uh I don't know I've had so many okay I think her name's Karen you don't even know her name? no because I had four girls

probably look at those legs Jesus Christ well the wheeze is in better shape you lost weight did you do these workouts? did you change your diet? I hiked a lot this is amazing look at you

it's so silly I love it and is she just imitating whatever you do? yeah and then she does it too she does her own thing she's a professional dancer and then she dances

in like a real show in Vegas not stripper and then she does she does her own thing wow I like that shirt do you sell that shirt? yeah do you like the what about the wood floor?

I love it it's so good so this is your bag oh look at you man very impressed we do this every Monday we have like a workout thing and people can work out with you

and it's always a different girl that comes? do you ever do a post workout cleanse? no no we just do it it's kind of like a motivational it's kind of like a motivational

comedic kind of thing and polyokey? polyokey is my Friday night show that's where I have my band and where is that? band? yeah we have a band tell them to go to polyokey go to the youtube check it out

I do songs I have a band there you go that's polyokey right there oh is this in the house? yeah in my house so I have a band oh you really do

yeah we're good and I sing where did you meet the band? through my friend Sal you got a whole set up here this is Pete Townsend my love opened the door I feel like you gave me the jacket too

this is 80's we're going back to the 80's this is great look at you you got your confidence you're on you're singing? yeah it's fun you look great and then we got the Polly Rance which is my podcast

that's on on Thursdays and then we got classic scenes from classic movies and don't forget guest house yeah that's out right now people can rent that it'll be on Blu-ray and DVD it'll be on middle of November and right now it's on digital

and then it'll be on Netflix December 18th oh it's going on Netflix congratulations yeah it's cool and everyone's in it all the comics are in it I talked to you guys about it I think I just had a baby or was about to have a baby

so it wasn't the title about you guys being the couple that would have been hilarious imagine me in the back of your guest house that would have been funny who ended up playing it her name is Amy Teagarden and Mike Castle

really great great comedic actors really great comedic actors and it turned out great it's fun Bobby's in it and you got Eric Griffin and Steve Oh and a lot of people are in it it's cool it turned out really good

that's great man and from here do you go back to Vegas yeah I'm going to be here for while I'm doing Tiger Belly this afternoon and then I got my podcast at all things comedy with Bill Burr doing it tomorrow and then Mike Binder

so I'm just promoting the documentary for the store right now I'm trying to get all those people on there and I had Jeff Ross on last night and I got Annie Letterman was on just here for about 5-6 days

I'm glad to hear I'm glad to hear you say that the store is not going anywhere that's very comforting to hear from you it can't it can't go anywhere just give it I think 6 months I think after Biden gets in there

and I think after they find a vaccine and you know they just I think we just have another more I don't know 3-4 months of this I think that's my feeling and then when do you guys leave I don't know

we have to square so many things away lots of moving parts did you see how we said that at the same time because it's like we're a married team why don't you give me some head I do but I mean it's the morning already Holly did you see the witch just created

I mean you just I've been hanging out with the wheeze you're sweating with the wheeze bro this is it let's start talking to chicks what's up with that head there you go it's been cool

this whole coronavirus thing's been pretty interesting never in my life if we experience something like this where we can't be next to people you know it's so weird but you just gotta do your part yeah

wear your mask and wash your hands thumb your ass put your asshole your ass juice put it in people's foods that's hilarious oh my god I think you gotta take another shit now

I think I do you have time to take a shit no I took a shit this morning I shit once a day he hasn't shitten in two months your friend any who wants 20 grand that's ridiculous

cleaning your asshole out any yeah can not believe that shit 20 grand come on Mark don't be stingy yeah come on the Jews call it a mitzvah a mitzvah

this would have been a mitzvah for your colon and the whole thing but you should do it I'm gonna do it always great to see you Paulie again you know check out his youtube channel check out

guesthouse exercise videos yeah I'm in Vegas I'm living in downtown Vegas that's great it reminds me of silver like meets like Williamsburg it's kind of like young murals everywhere it's cool

glad people think Vegas they think the strip but there's a whole community there people are really nice it's one of the entertainment capitals of the world definitely stages everywhere and it's cool you're making the best of it too that's great man

and also watch the comedy store on showtime if you have not yet big celebration of the store what it means to so many people and of course to Paulie and his family so you should definitely check it out and random rants my podcast she was on it

I would love to closing song is Leatherman by Chug we will see you guys next week music music music music

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