Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 581 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: December 9, 2020

Become a paid channel member of YMH to experience an AD-FREE version of the show here : https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYIgiXwJck_Pb5Nj-wIrsqg/join SPONSORS: - Go to https://Saatva.com/theshit to save $225 on your order - Go to https://ForHims.com/mom and get your first visit absolutely free - Go to https://Headspace.com/MOM for a free one-month trial with access to Headspace’s full library of meditations for every situation - Go to https://Brooklinen.com and use code MOM for 10% off your first order. - Get 20% off and free shipping at https:/Manscaped.com/MOM - Go to https:// LiquidIV.com and enter code "MOM" for 25% off - Go to https://Whoop.com/house and get your first month free when you sign up for a 6-month membership YOU'RE JUST IT! Tom Segura and Christina P start off this episode of Your Mom's House by discussing the masseuse that struggled to pronounce the name "Segura." They move on to talk about Paulina Porizkova, ugly shoes, Jeff Bezos's girlfriend, the recent YMH Studios photoshoot, and Tom announces that he's running for president. Jean and Jean watch videos of a cool brick challenge, a dude who is furious about an orange lighter, a guy on TikTok who is mad at Joe Rogan, a phallic trophy ceremony, a mommy's impression of Christina, some of CP's TikTok curations, and much more!

Hi, mommies and chomos and my queens above 18. This episode was recorded a few weeks ago before we had an incident where my husband was playing basketball against Burke Kreischer. And well, you'll hear the whole story eventually, but basically he's in the hospital right now. He's doing okay, he is recovering, but this episode was recorded a while back.

So you'll notice we don't address the fact that Tommy is in the hospital. Okay, enjoy it and we'll see you soon. Tom, you had a really neat idea for the waiting room. Yes. What if there was a lady they hired to rub your genitals over your pants in the waiting rooms, like the dentist's office?

Yeah. So when you're waiting, you just, and she's old, okay? She's really old, but she knows how to do it. What's up there, chomos? Welcome to another episode of your mom's house podcast. She's Christina P. I'm Tom Segura. You are in. You made it, you're here.

You're just it. You're just it. I want to make you feel like you're the only one. You're the only one for me, viewer or listener. Tommy, can I tell you that I was at the spa, I got a massage and the lady had a hard time pronouncing Segura. What'd she say?

Sag, sag. People get overwhelmed sometimes by the collection of letters. It's silly though. I know, but they see, I think they see like B, G, and then there's a U and they're like, oh, there's something foreign going on here. Yeah, that's the foreign.

Sometimes on the phone, once I'm on the phone, and I think it's a pretty easy last name, but the lady was like, hi, mister. And then she goes, mister, like that. And I was like, um, I go, Segura, she goes, Segura, and she was like, you know, I'm just going to say Mr. Tom. And I was like, okay.

I didn't think it was, you know, but it happens, yours is much more intimidating. That's why I changed it to just one letter, because it is intimidating. I understand why people can't. Pajitsky, P-A-Z-S-I-T-Z-K-Y. That's when I knew I loved you. When I, I knew I loved you when I learned to spell it.

When you can spell my last name, it means we're really friends. And I was like, oh, yeah, no, no, no, no. And we're really lovers. Yeah, I like when I, you know, like a comedy club will spell your last name wrong. You're like, you couldn't like verify that. It's just a Google search.

That's it. And they're like, we're busy. Yeah. Or they use the headshot that's 15 years old from when we first started in comedy. And then they think you did it. People will be like, Christina, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That headshot. And you're like, I didn't do that. We know you're not that young. You're like, yeah, I didn't send that in. I know. This club is so lazy that they just fucking typed my name and pulled the picture. I knew a comedian, a female comedian

who had headshots taken of herself when she was like way young, skinny, and like in a bikini. And that was her headshot for comedy clubs for the longest time. And then, you know, she turned 38, 40. And it was still up. And the club owner would get mad at her like, you need to show up looking like this girl in the headshot.

I'm sorry. I'm not as hot. Show me that you like me. Sure, I don't feel like you. That's the only, see, when you're not hot, you don't have to worry about not being hot anymore. So I've never had this worry. That's so true.

People that are so hot and they have to like just ride that. Oh, it's terrible, I imagine. I mean, yeah, when you're a model, that sucks because you age out of modeling at like 30. That's it. That's retirement age. Oh, 30. Yeah, they're already like, you're a vet.

You know, it was good having you around. You're like, what, I'm done. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. I think it's good to be just good looking enough. I feel as though you and I are at that level where you're just attractive enough that people aren't repulsed by your presence. Mostly.

But you're not. I'm sure I do it too. It's not your whole existence. Yeah. Your looks, like people aren't always noting how great you look. I know, I kind of, I mean, I know that this sounds, but I even sometimes will go,

oh, I think it's kind of a curse for these like really, you ever see somebody and they're so good looking. We have, we just did the other day. You're like, dude. And then you realize, well, that's all anybody's set, like thinks when they see them. Like this person is like a genetic freak. Marvel.

Yeah, they're a marvel. And then basically the people who I think engage that person don't ever care, like the person thinks or says or encourages it or anything, they're just like, look at you. I know. And so those people usually respond the best to people that don't acknowledge their looks.

It's so true. We were having lunch the other day. Do you remember? And that gorgeous family walked in and there was this man and I was just tall, as can be, chiseled features, beautiful skin. And I just turn to Tom and I go, this guy is like beyond even desirable.

Like he is like a cardboard cut out of a person. And the wife and the children are just so gorgeous. They were perfect. I don't even want to fuck this guy because he's too perfect. You know what I mean? Give me a little flaw. Just like, let me see a little weird sweatpants.

I just see the outline of your dog and it's a little too big. Do you think his is a little too big? Yeah. It was a lot. He was not wearing sweatpants. I wish he would have. I wish all men would.

How would you know it's too big then? I just imagined because he's very big man. And he's just perfect. He's just it. Okay, are we done talking about him? He was at the era one and I used with his children as well. No, I know that that's why that negging thing worked

because I have gone up to a beautiful woman before and been like, what's up you fucking dog? Oh my God. That's not true. You did not just say that. I have. What's up you fucking dog? She was like, oh my God.

Yeah, because it was so outrageous to say to her. Like you couldn't say that to anybody unless they are so perfect looking that it becomes a joke. There was this comedian I toured with in the Middle East, Chris. I don't remember his last name now. He was so funny.

At the time I was much thinner than I am now and he's like, look at you Anna Nicole. Like he was like, I'm like, am I that fatty? He's like, oh, you barely fit on the boat. And I'm like, oh, you're kidding. That's a good, that's a good line. But it was really funny. It's funny, yeah.

It's funny, you can only say that to really good looking people, you know? Well, yeah. Like just like I've walked up to like UFC fighters and been like, I'll fuck you up right now, you know? And they laugh because it's the only, if you say that to like a normal person, they'll be like, oh, are you trying to fight me?

You know? Yeah. You say it to somebody that can kick your ass, you know? I agree that the pressure of being hot and then maintaining your hot. Cause I follow Paulina Poroskova on Instagram. And she's doing this thing, which I understand the motivation behind

and it seems noble where she's like, this is me when I wake up in the morning with no makeup on. I'm, you know, 50, whatever, years old. Look at my, I love my written. It's like, well, if it weren't such a problem for you, probably wouldn't make a big deal out of it. She was with the guy from the cars.

Who disowned her essentially. That was awesome. Yeah. Yeah. No, she left him and in the will, in the will, he left her nothing. He was like, and because you abandoned me, you get nothing.

Rick O'Caseyck. That's right. That's how you say it. I don't know how to say his last name. Rick O'Caseyck. Yeah, they were together for so many years that two children together. And also what I found is that if a model makes a child

with just like an unattractive rock star, their offspring is not as pretty as like too, too mildly attractive people. Sure. Oh, she made a public debut. Go to the one before. With the new guy? Yeah, so let's see who it is.

Oh, you know what I want to talk about, dude? Jeff Bezos, you mentioned that. Oh, she's 54. So you mentioned that Jeff Bezos' second wife is 50. Yeah, she's 50. And I was like, that's so rad. Well, she's not his second wife. That's his, it's his-

Slam piece. No, no, no. It's who he divorced his, you know, his longtime wife for, he's got, he's like in a relationship with this other lady now. But I'm so impressed that he went for a 50-year-old lady. Yeah, but she's quite- She's a banger.

Put together. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Good for him. Oh, you know another fun one that I've done? Like the joke to somebody. Like I met a couple of people in wheelchairs after shows.

And I'll be like, they'll say something. I'll be like, hey man, if you're trying to, why don't you stand up if you're gonna talk to me, you know? And they'll be like, okay. Canceled. Or I'll challenge them to a race. You know, it'll be like, you wanna race? It's fun, you know?

They can't run. It's a fun joke. That's fun. Can you make this bigger? Look at Paulina. I mean, she's gorgeous still. Stop it. Do this guy, he's an older guy, right?

Genetic freaks, yeah. And- He looks cute. I don't know who this is, but I like him. He looks like he has money. He looks like, yeah. You know what's funny? He looks like a wealthy guy.

A vibe to him. Like, you know those linen pants? She's walking down the street barefoot? Or $1,000 pants. Holding her shoes, it's strange. Yeah. In Miami, I guess it's Miami. Screenwriter Ed Solomon.

Okay, he's a screenwriter, all right. He looks like Larry David a little in the attire. Oh, yeah. He's a little more blessed in the face though, I would say. Sure, and hair, he's got a lot of hair, sheesh. Yeah, he's so happy to be there. So happy. He's just like, use me as a toilet, I know.

Yeah. She still looks great, sheesh. Use me as a toilet. I'm sure it's what he's saying. You think he wants her to pee on his face and stuff? Of course, every guy does. What? Every guy does, they see Paulina, they go,

put your pee-pee there. You're in? Yes. It is sterile, you can drink it. And everybody wants it. Paulina's pee-pee, she's so gorgeous. Remember back in the day in the 80s, 90s, she was so gorgeous.

Yes, look, she's maintained incredibly well, don't you think? Oh, yeah, that's genetics, homie. But you don't want to be that attractive. I argue that it's too much, because I need the pressure to maintain it. That's the thing, only the ones where it's really natural, like where they really are genetic. I mean, she's starting.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, go back, not that one. Genetics are just wild. Ugh, I mean, she's just perfection. You know, the other one who didn't age at all? I think I've said it before, Christy Turlington. Christy Turlington looks 30. I remember Christy Turlington being a kid,

and it's like, oh, all these years later, right? It's genetic. But if you look at her now, she looks exactly like her heyday, her prime. Stunning. Crying out loud, I mean, gorgeous. Yeah, she doesn't look right. She doesn't, I mean, it's wild.

And Cindy Crawford too, and her kid's actually really cute. Well, no, he got a face tattoo. But before that, he was modeling for Gucci or some shit. I mean, she's stunning too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. No, they're like, they are freaks, man.

They're freaks. But, you know, everybody's beautiful now, right? Nope. That's one thing I love pushing back against. Everybody's beautiful. Especially the modeling lane. I know. There's some people who are like, I model,

and you're like, do you, do you? Where do you model for the fucking vet? Because you don't look like a human model, you know? I agree. And I look, Instagram model is legit, and you can make a lot of money. Sure. But unless a company hires you.

That's the thing. If you post a picture that someone took a picture, someone took a picture. I'm a model. Yeah, I mean, then everybody's a model, you know? Yeah. I'm into modeling, are you? Are you a six feet tall?

Right, are you five, six? I think your modeling career's over. Like, let's be realistic here. I know, it's not fair. Especially, you know, the models that really piss me off? Marginally attractive models. I agree. You have no clear, like, real gifts, you know?

Like, you're like, okay, you have a somewhat symmetrical face. You're not fucking model material. No. Get out of here, man. But now you can't say that. Now you have to say that everybody's beautiful, and you can be weird looking. I mean, I don't mind.

All these people are interesting, right? This is like... But this is interesting to look at, right? It's not beautiful. This is not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about people who are... You would be like, yeah, that person's attractive, but like the audacity of you to be like, I'm a model.

Because you're marginally attractive, you know? I know you're talking about, in LA, it's like the LA seven? Yeah, exactly. And you're like, you're in LA. You're a seven. But it's still good for LA? Right, like, I'm not gonna spit on you if it's a blind date and you show up.

But let's not act like you're a fucking 10. You're not in LA or a New York 10. I'm gonna go even bigger, because I would argue that New York City has even more... The women are like, stunning. Look, there's the fashion industry's there, yeah, yeah. LA, we've got people that are like personal trainers who also are very attractive, but they're not.

Exactly. A lot of personal trainers sweat themselves. You know why? They got the bod, not so much in the face. You know, you got a great body. You should pray a little more. Maybe the man upstairs will bless you with a gift. That's so true.

I went to high school with a girl who claimed she was a model, too. But the face was like, not... Do you have Bell's palsy, or is this your face every day? Oh, no, I don't. Because you're a fucking basset hound. Oh, my goodness, do you know how to? Yeah, I know you're talking, I mean...

No, but she, so her face was a six. The body was like an eight or not. And those are amazing, but you don't have it. It's not a model, it's not a model. And I remember back then they made, they're called Zed cards, and they have like your shots, and she was showing them like, I don't know. I would love to be the person

that they hand their portfolio to, and you just go like, God, look at your body. Look at your body. Don't you just wish you had a different face? Look at this great body. It's too bad. You still have the face. Well, because I'll tell you, even, okay, philosophy, right?

They discuss what is beauty, and symmetry is beauty, aesthetics, right? When you look at somebody's face, they say that symmetry is what creates beauty. And that's just a genetic throw of the dice, dude. So to say that everybody is a model, everyone is beautiful. We all have to deal with this, you know.

It's like, no, dude, there are some people born who are especially born in the era before plastic surgery. You look at a bitch like Farrah Fawcett or Sophia Loren. Oh, yeah. I'm saying Brigitte Bardot, these women were stunning. Even Sean Connery, who just passed away recently, that's natural, brah, brah. That's untouched, okay?

Right. This is real, this bitch was born looking gorgeous. Yeah, that's true. This is the same, you see the same parallel in athletics, actually. You remember when Krista Stefano was here? Yes, Chrissy. He went to that basketball camp,

and Jim Beheim was like, you got a Division I shot and a D3 body. It's just what it is. It is what it is, I know. Same, I couldn't play D1 football. I wish I could, I don't have it. I don't have the physique, I don't have the body. And then you see that in sports all the time.

You see it if you watch Hard Knocks, the HBO show, where these guys are like top tier college players and they go to the NFL and they're just like, you just don't have it, man. It's so true. You don't have great lateral movement in your hips. It's just not, it's nothing you can do. And then you can do, yeah.

But that's, you know, life is competitive. Life is about finding what you're good at. There's so much shit I can't do. I cannot play an instrument. I can't move well. I can't do math. I can barely do anything. I barely can do.

I can do this. I can talk. I can do this sitting down or standing up, that's it. I can do it too. I have such a small skill set. So incredibly narrow. Let's open the show. We haven't even done it yet.

Oh yeah, we fucking suck at this too. I know. God damn it. There's something light and fun to get us started. Ready? Ready to go. Oh! Oh!

Two, three. Oh! Oh! Oh! No, no, no! Ah! This is big time! Who is Randy?

Don't bring anyone's mother into this. Your mama in the fucking stands! Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Don Segura. Don Segura. And? Christina Pashitsky. Christina Pashitsky.

Welcome to your mom's house. Wow. Josh Potter a cappella intro. That was my favorite thing. Really good. I love it. Check out The Roach Motel. The Roach Motel.

Studio Jeans. Check out where my mom's at. Every Tuesday, Tuesday it comes out here on the Your Moms House podcast channel at 6 a.m. and please rate, review and subscribe on iTunes. Let's make Josh's show a big show. Yes. So two bears, one cave.

Every Monday, 6 a.m. And where my mom's at on Monday morning's drops. There you go. There you go. At Dr. Giraffe Dark. Of course, every Friday. Freedy. Friday's 6 a.m.

We do the early release now on all the channels. Early release! Ugh! So that you guys have something to listen to early in the day. Yeah, it's better, you know? It's better that way. It's better to have it early in the day.

Ugh! Cool. Yeah. Tom, you had a really neat idea for the waiting room. Yes, yes. So this is what happened. Laying in bed and you came over, you're being affectionate,

you start kind of like giving me the over the pants. You're really gonna share all this. I didn't know we were gonna get that far. I thought you were just gonna share the idea. Here's the thing. I was like this. I didn't know we were gonna do the genesis of the idea. The genesis is important.

I was like this and I was like, yeah, that feels nice. And then I had a great idea. Yeah. What if there was a lady they hired to rub your genitals over your pants in the waiting rooms like the dentist's office. Yeah. So when you're waiting, you just, and she's old, okay?

She's really old but she knows how to do it. Now that's interesting is that why do you choose the old? Because this way there's no like overly sexualizing. If she's like a young hottie, then it's like, no, no, no. It's an old lady. You don't want her to touch you. But the thing is she's a rub master. So she rubbed and you're like,

oh, and you're kind of grossed out by her. But then you're like, well, you're really good at this. And she's like, I've been doing these 50 years. And you're like, oh. Wait, what's her accent? I've been doing 50 years. She has no teeth. She's missing a few.

And so what happens is you don't come in your pants. You don't come in your pants. What happens is it gives you just a nice sensation and then you're like, I feel more relaxed. And then she's like, are you ready to feed the dentist? And you go, yeah. And then you sit in the dentistry. He starts drilling your teeth

and you're like, can I get that old lady in here again? And he's like, sure. So he goes, and she comes in and then she rubs your lingam a little more through your pants. Like it's not even. Well, that's funny. I see this as not sexual oddly enough.

It's just, it relax. It's like a nice sedative. Yeah. It's soothing. See, I would want my lady or man to. No, it's the same lady. It's the same lady. She knows how to finger and rub.

Well, I don't want her to finger me. No, it's like. I just want. She does nice like outside rubs. That's what I want, outside rubs. And but I want her to be soothing and Latin because I feel Latins are much nicer. I want her to be like, Miss Christina,

thank you for coming to the doctor today. I rub the outside of your cunt. And you're like, oh my gosh. She wouldn't say cunt. No, I know. Well, she would. And then you correct her. You're like, that's a little.

Could you just say my kitty cat or something? My meow. Yeah. And she's like, I saw the English heart. Yeah. Right. And then she just, all she does is, she just rubs the outside a little and you're like.

Yeah. Because it is relaxing. It's like a nice sensation. Yeah. Well, yeah, I would just want it as a relaxing. It's like, oh, and she does. No, here's how it goes. Your tents are in the doctor's office.

You're waiting for blood work or whatever. And she starts with a scalp massage. There you go. And then your neck and your shoulders, your arms, like they do at the manicure salon. And then the final closer is a genital rub. But it's not, it's not like, it's not to completion, like you said.

You're not like getting worked up. Yeah. You're just. That would be cool on Shark Tank. Yeah. Hey, Sharks, we're here. No, it's hot. Hey, Sharks, you guys look tense.

You know what you mean? You want to relax? An old lady comes out of the back and she's like. Or we bring her in a box. And they're like, OK, and like, this is called, just relax. And we brought these old ladies from over the pond. And they're mostly gypsies. They don't speak great English.

But if the one thing they're good at, it's helping you relax. With their patented three approach technique. And they're like, great. Would you like to try? Yeah. Yeah. Damon, you look like you could use a genital rub. Hey, just lay back and close your eyes.

And he's like, OK. Mark Cuban, you look extra tense. And then they come over and the old lady's like. And he's like, hey, what are you doing? Hey, you need to relax. Stop being a fucking asshole, OK? Barbara. Barbara's like, wow, my clam feels real relaxed right now.

We're like, yeah. That's do you want to give us $15 million for 3% of our company? Oh my god, never make a deal on Shark Tank. Because they're always like, we want half your company. And we'll give you $500. Like, don't ever. But you can tell when they really like an idea.

When they start bidding, when they really do it. I like that. I like that part too. It's just rare. It's rare. And I like when Mark Cuban goes, my daughter likes dogs, so I like it. Like, he always, I like what he brings up

his daughter and what she likes and stuff. Do you know that he has more money than all the other sharks combined? Really? Is it because of owning the teams and such? No, I mean, he's just very successful and very wealthy. I think he's in it. Holy shnuckin' east.

$4.2 billion US dollars. Yeah, he's got a lot of money. That's not, I think the other people on the show are wealthy, they're just not billionaires. How much is Barbara worth? I don't know. I'm a fan of Babs. I like both the women and Lori.

I like Barbara because she's such a hard ass. You know, Lori's nicer, but Barbara is like, a hundred million, holy sh. Look at her, she looks great too. She would not rub your genitals though. No, no. Barbara would be too aggressive. This guy, $400 million.

Damn. You could combine them, take it away from work and he'd be like, that's all right. Yeah. I'm still good. Yeah, they still need their genitals rubbed. They still do, and that's why, are you out? Well, then we're, hey, stop touching this kind.

He's out. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Naiman's out, that's fine, Barbara. Well, I'm just not sure. I don't see women wanting to buy this product. Oh, really? Hmm, check this out. Turn over and get on all fours.

I can sell this at the checkout line at Bed Bath and Beyond. Exactly, and we can even do an anal relax. Oh my gosh, wouldn't that be the best to have these genital massagers in like the bank lines? Why don't we use these seniors? Trader Joe's lines. We use seniors who like, they want to feel valued, you know? They do, they want to feel important,

and you're like, you know what? You've been touching people's genitals for 60 years. Why don't you touch mine? And you just have a- What if like, the best, the best fuck of your life is from a guy who's in his 80s right now? You are so weird with that. No, you know what I mean?

Like, you're like, no, I'm saying, you're in line, this guy's like, you're very beautiful to me, my queen of love, 18. Oh my gosh. Okay, and then he just starts kissing you, and you're like, how are you so good at this? He's like, I've been doing it 60 years. You know?

And he's like- I don't like it. And he goes, he's spitting his fingers. Oh, stop. See, the problem is, Tom, is that I am so unattracted to people older than me, or younger than me, that I, it wouldn't even happen. Put on a blindfold.

Put on a blindfold. Yeah, but I still feel his soggy body. Let Hal do his thing, you put on a blindfold. Isn't Hal dead? Yeah, of course. We used to know Hal, he's definitely dead. No, he died back then. Yeah.

Yeah, he had a stroke. Remember? He was our old landlord in the ghetto when we lived in the Rampart division, and you would always be like, why don't you give Hal a handjob? Why don't you blow Hal? I'm like, Hal is almost dead.

And then one time it was raining and leaking into the apartment, and I called Hal because the smoke alarm was going off, because the water was leaking. And they had high ceilings. They had very high ceilings. So I couldn't reach it. And the smoke alarm was going off and beeping.

I was gone, and you told me that, so he comes up and he goes, well, and he puts the ladder and he goes, you do it. He tells you what to do. Because he's old as shit. No, no, he goes, okay, here's the ladder, and he goes, here's some pliers. I want you to cut the wire.

But he's standing there watching you right now. He's standing there at the base of the ladder, and he gives me the pliers, and he goes, go up the ladder and just cut the wire. It'll stop the sound. And I go, all right, cool, man. And I go up, and I cut the wire, and it sparks, and I almost fly off the ladder,

and he's like, well, he's just working again. And then a few days later, he goes, sorry about that, I had a few before I came over that day. Yeah, he said I had a liquid lunch. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I remember that. I almost died that day. And he was like, yeah, I took a sixer down

before I came up to see you. Yeah. And I was a little loopy, a little off. Yeah, I'm like, how? He could have killed me. He's like, yeah, but you're not dead, are you? Well, lesson learned, guys. If your electric thing is wet,

don't use pliers to cut the wires when it's wet, or maybe dry. I don't know, I'm not. Very, very insightful. Yeah. Thank you for sharing. You got it, I almost died. Yeah, very, very exciting stuff.

Hell, why don't you just blow hell? And then we had another landlord who would always eat whatever I was cooking. I was baking spana copa da from Trader Joe's. Oh, yeah. Oh, spana copa da, it's my favorite. And then you want one, and then she would eat half the tray of our spana copa da, remember that?

And we were broke. I didn't have money for no more spana copa da. We get the Trader Joe treat, so you warm up in the oven or the microwave. And she would be like, what's this? I'm like, you want to try it? She's like, sure. I'm like, okay.

Jose, her husband Jose. Yes. He had a big donkey dick. He goes, he goes, come buy your soup bag. Your soup bag. Yeah, he asked me that one time. Come buy your soup bag. And I go, what's that?

He goes, soup bag. And I go, I don't know what that is. And he goes, yeah, you do? And I go, no, I don't. Yeah. And he goes, soup bag, you put suits in it. I go, oh, a bag for suits. I go, yeah, it's just that your, you know,

your initiation is not. They were East Coasters. Yeah. He was a. Your soup bag. Yeah. Soup bag. I'm pissed the fuck off right now, man.

This lighter was not orange when I bought it. It was not orange when I bought this motherfucker. If this was the real lighter thing, it was right here, man. Silver, a silver lighter. Then I take off the motherfucker paper and this popped up. The orange fucking lighter.

What the fuck? He's got a point. He's really upset. Nobody likes orange. You know what he's upset about? They're selling lighters with wrapping on it that you can just peel off. So he's like, it's not, it's just a,

it's just like a wrapper on it. Misrepresentation. Look here, man. Take it for me, man. Look here. They trust me $2 for this big, right? So when I got home, the papers are coming off. So I took off the paper.

I said, what the fuck? It's an orange lighter. So they're cheating you out, out your money, y'all. They're cheating you out your money. You know what I mean? Hard times for everybody. You know, with everything going on this year. I would hate to have an orange lighter, man.

I would fucking hate it. Let me tell you, orange is my least favorite color. I do like it in certain cars. Seriously? Yeah, I do. Like Lamborghinis, nice orange, Ferrari orange. I think there's like, there's certain porches,

I think that look hot and orange. You're black. I think you're colorblind, bro. I am, but I still like it. Would you rather have an orange or a yellow porch? Orange. Orange. G-A-Y.

I think orange. Now look here, I got a Playboy one, white. It's a Playboy lighter, right? No, it's not a Playboy lighter. It's a black bit. Watch what I say. I'm gonna rip this motherfucker off. What?

Now with your teeth. I always tell the kids, now with your teeth. It's a black fucking lighter. See this shit? This is not the real lighter, man. Playboy, it's not a Playboy lighter. It's a black fucking lighter. He's over the shit.

Canceled. Everybody has their own thing to go after. And in 2021, you know, pick your own agenda, but maybe it's letting the big company know. Let them know, guys. Either you know what to do. Be honest about these wrappings or stop making lighters. I mean, this is a moral problem.

Misrepresenting the colors of lighters. Yep. A lot of people have different issues. I mean, look at this guy. This guy has an issue with our boy Joe. No. Yeah. Let me inform you something.

If Joe Rogan is that fucking good and his podcast, then why has he got me on it? Joe Rogan, you can't handle God. What you can handle is a bunch of bullshit people like Keanu West. There's some motherfucking pussy fucking fucker that ripped God off. All that money he made on Jesus's king,

he owes it to the children of the world to give it back. Any money made on God? Yep. Your caste building cursed with Moses's plagues of truth and dare. And I hope to God, your wife cuts your dick off. Keanu West. You understand?

Keanu West. The son of a bitch will never get on out there. They banned my shit bigger than anything you can imagine. How many fucking violations do I have? You ain't got no Joe Rogan. You ain't shit in my book because, see, you ain't talked to me. I gave you my phone number many a times. Get a hold of me.

Should we tell Joe to beef up his security? No, but I will text this to Joe later. Got your next guest. Could you imagine this guy actually getting on Joe's podcast and being like, I got some shit, man. Just being a lunatic. I would love it. I would love it.

I'll tell Joe that I did give this guy his number. Yeah, give him Joe's personal cell number. Yeah. That guy seems very cool. Keanu West. Keanu. Did he say Keanu? Yeah, Keanu West.

You're going to fucking try? Like, Kean? Yeah, everybody knows that guy's name. Don't pretend like he's Keanu West. He's stupid as hell. Come on, bro. You know what I'm going to try? Keanu West.

Stupid idiot. So many years ago, we were introduced to this style of training video. And it has been a while, and it has intensified to a degree that you are not ready for. What I'm talking about is cock and ball trauma training. Yes, that's my favorite. Here we go.

Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Look at that guy's face. Oh, fuck. Oh, damn.

Oh, a brick to the bones. Get it. Oh, ow. Oh, fuck. God damn it. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, boy.

Oh, fuck. How was he? How are these guys OK? I don't know. My question is, what are they training for? Is there an Olympics I'm unaware of? Just to be a better athlete. Like, why?

Why are you doing this? I want to send this to my urologist. That's my favorite, the kicks. Is this like North Korea's propaganda film? I don't know. The strongest nation. Where's that from? This is amazing.

Do you know? Native? No. We don't know. God damn. It's pretty great. I don't know though if this is going to get men to enroll. In the program?

Yeah. In the training program? Like, come here, get your nuts kicked. These are full kicks, bricks, punches, a fucking tree log just like rammed into it and the guys are like, no emotion. Yeah. When are you going to start your training? The Shaolin and the Wu Tang could be dangerous.

That's why they are so lethal, Tom. Oh my God. These guys are real deal. You've seen these guys, they punch the one inch punch, punch right through wood and stuff, man. This is real shit. These monks can do it. There's one thing I've learned from you over all these years.

I know now when a woman isn't wearing a supportive bra. I notice it all the time. Yes. I see it and I go, that woman's not wearing a supportive bra. Thank you. Because you pointed out to me so often. I do because it's such a big problem. She's wearing the wrong bra, Tom.

You tell me that. It's an easy problem to remedy. You just have to go to Nordstrom somewhere nice. They measure you. The woman brings you the bra and fits you. And then your whole life changes. Your whole life changes, right? Your back pain goes away.

Yes. So? Changes your outfits. This lady is wearing the wrong bra. Go that way. Go that way. You like that? Go that way.

Hell no. Go on. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go.

Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go.

Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go.

Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Okay. Go.

Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go.

Go. Go. Go. Then you live just have to look out at the wrong place and it doesn't work. I am not. That's it. That's what you are talking about close off. If you get into this, your tits get so big like you're like, fuck bras.

Right. It's the same point. When you are like, I don't care if men find me attractive. Right. I don't care if I cut my hair. It's like when guys start wearing the Velcro傍 at, Go, Forget it. At the TiVos or whatever it's called.

Teavas, Boat shoes. Whenever you see a guy in that, I am like, oh, that guy doesn't fuck. He doesn't fuck. That's wild. He doesn't care anymore. Doesn't care. Birkenstocks are also the official footwear of, I don't. That's right there.

I don't fuck. Disgusting. I don't like chicks. The way they smell. And I don't like touching them. Oh, that's it. Right there. Look at the cross-legged.

Oh, my God. Do you want to never have an orgasm again? Buy these. If you really don't want to fuck, get the, the tribal pattern. I saw a lady in Birkenstocks at the grocery store, and she had net socks on the front half of her feet. I missed this. What the fuck are those?

What do you mean? Net socks. I looked down and I was like, what is, what is that on? And they were like net, like see-through, but only covering like the front half of her foot. I don't understand that. I mean, I, I'd never seen anything like, and they were see-through, but like, that's the thing.

They were very thin. Disgusting. May I tell you what makes me want to vomit the most about Birkenstocks is that over time, the foot makes a black imprint in the birk. Yeah. Dirty Birkenstock, please. Yeah, that's true. And I mean, can you imagine?

It's like the material is meant to be, yeah. Yeah. I mean, what is that smell like? Look at this chick right here. Yeah. She's cute. She shouldn't be wearing that. Right.

But look at the, like, can you make that bigger? Mm-mm. Oh, oh, she made a video of it. Hey, look how dirty my shit is. Yeah. I mean, what do your feet smell like, Tom? Hi. Dirty.

Oh, is she going to tell you how to clean them? She better. That's what it's about, right? Ugh. So look here. So then is she showing them? What is she doing? I mean, can't they find a way to make those Birkenstocks not get black on the bottom there?

It's so nasty. So it is. Okay, now she's pointing to how dark they are. Does she actually remedy that? No. She's just like, so anyway, I made them super dark. That's the fucking video. See how dirty these are?

They're still dirty. Bye. My feet smell really bad. Yeah. Yeah, like that one there where you can see the one below. Yeah. You see, like, that's what they look like. That just looks like filthy, right?

Filth. Sweat. Foot sweat. Is it not? It is sweat. And it has to be that the material is absorbing it. Yeah. And that's why.

And it's leather. So your oils and everything leave a mark on it. So is it leather? Yeah. That's why they're actually like quality shoes. And I understand that they're comfortable. It is weird that, like, I can see that and immediately go like, oh, that person's not a sexually viable person.

Right. Don't don't you feel your penis shrinking? Yeah. Like if a woman walks up and doesn't like, she plays softball. Yeah. Like immediately. That's my first thing. She hikes.

It makes my pussy dry. As does boat shoes. We talked about this somewhere my mom's out a while ago. What are they called? Boat shoes. Top-siders. Top-siders. I mean, does anything say, dickless, like boat shoes.

I don't have a dick. I mean, look at that. Yeah. Without socks and then like some gay shorts. Oh my God. I mean, that look alone is like, I don't fuck. I don't have pubic hair. Yeah.

Oh my God. That's so gay. That is so gay. I don't like that. That look makes, and the smell, can you imagine? Those smell. Those definitely smell. Yes.

Those come off and you're like, whew. Oh my God. Yeah. Okay. Can I tell you another look that just, I don't even understand how men do this. Maybe it's because I'm a West coaster, but when a man wears a polo shirt, Tom, and then he ties the sweater around his neck and then my, like my daddy, my daddy put the sweater on me and made it into a nice knot around my neck.

Yeah. It's like, it's very yuppie. Yeah. Yeah. There it is. It's like, it's the Ted, what's that guy that played all the villains and like the revenge of the nerds, movies, Ted McKnight? Yeah.

Yeah. It's like, that's the universal look of I'm a douchebag. That's an article that says, why do people, shirts, I sweat or something. Yeah. Like that's an actual article. Yeah. Right? Is that what that is?

Yeah. Because either you're just a, it's like the official look of the douchebag. It's such a bad, I know. It's so bad. Every asshole does this. Yeah. The official look. Yeah.

It's like, if you want to be an asshole for Halloween, that's how you would dress. Yeah. It really is. It's such douche. And I don't know why it immediately means that, but it does. I think because of the eight. There it is. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah. What I was referring to. Yeah. This is from revenge of the nerds. It's preppies. Preps. Yeah. That's what it is.

It's prepsters. And immediately, like if you're a guy and you see a guy walk up to you like that, you're like, this guy's a fucking dick. Like right away. He's a dick. Right away. Yeah. There's Alfonso Riviera.

Yeah. And it's not. He might not be. That's the thing. He might not be. Yeah. But he looks like he is. You know.

It's like the male Karen. Yeah. It signifies douche. Yeah. Exactly. He's like, you know, it is. It's a guy that can plant. He's a he's a male.

Karen. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. He's the guy who's like, oh, there's a snowboarder. This is a skiing mountain. Right. The chads.

Is that what? Is that what they're called? Yeah. Chads. Yeah. He's the guy who's like, who looks at you and he's like zip up, huh? Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. I guess it's casual out here today and you're like, okay, dude. Right. Cackies. Yeah. Yeah. Boat shoes. Get the fuck out of here.

Boat shoes. Fuck out of here, man. Fuck out of here, man. This is so funny. Okay. This is a video. It captured inside a van, like a bus in Asia and there are some wild turns on it. Okay.

The driver clearly is used to driving this and is taking turns way too fast. I mean, way too fast and they are screaming on the bus like there's any, you know, no one dies. Yeah. But the panic you can tell is genuine. He's going way too fast. They do this when you're in other countries. I think also he does this path, you know.

Every day. Yeah. So he's like, I don't slow. I don't do it slow. Sure. That's so fast. Oh my God. I mean, he should be going way slower.

Way slower. Oh. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay hey.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Well, my mom is a fucking panic person and one time we went on a cruise and we got off on the cruise

in somewhere in the Caribbean and somebody was like, oh, do you want to go on whatever, see something in this beautiful, let's say waterfall. So you know, we gave the driver was like a hundred bucks and they put you in a private small minivan and they're going up a hill and it starts to get windy and she starts screaming. And we were all like, no. And she was like, and she lays down and she's like, nah, it was a narrow, shitty road and we had to turn around.

Oh my God. She was having such a panic attack. I don't think she would remember it. This is like, when we, when we go to DR one time and there was like a one road through the whole fucking village or whatever and the guy too was like, they don't care. They don't care. That was terrible. Yeah.

Well, no, you're not a fast, like reckless driver. I just worry that like you're not seeing things, you know, this morning when we drove, you drove today. I drove today because he had a messy brown, you're chilling and he was holding on to the strap, you know, like, it's a wild ride. Well, cause she'll do it. She'll like pull up to a light and she's like getting ready to turn right. I'm like, Hey, there's two people here by the cross the street.

She goes, Oh, I know. And I'm like, okay. Well, you just kind of like look like you're about to go and she's like, I see them. But it just, yeah, it kind of freaks me out. I've, I've been, I'm very safe driver. I've been driving since I was 16. I'm 44. What's the math on that?

Chris Larson. Can you do that in your head, please? 44 minus 16. How many years is that? It's 38. 38 years driving. No. That's 28.

It's, I have 57 years driving and I've never, I've never hit anybody. I've never had an accident. Ever. Nope. I've been rear-ended twice in all these years and I've never had an accident. I swear to God, clean record, knock on wood. Wow. Yeah.

So you don't have to worry. Awesome. But I do feel like you want to scream like that. I don't want to scream like that. I just, I'm like, I just don't want to be in an accident right now with you being like, where did that guy come from? I'd never have said that. I see all, you know what?

I'm like, I'm like Jason Bourne, you know, when they go into the diner and he's like, I see that exit. That's the one I'm going to get out of. That's how you drive? Two men. I see everything. I'm like a fucking FBI, KGB woman. Do you notice anything about this?

I'm going to, I'm going to, I just want to know if you notice anything. What are you doing? What are they doing? They're touching the glass dick for good luck. The glass dildo. Good luck. I touched the dildo. Thank you.

That guy was like, I'll stay at the base. I didn't touch the head at all. Thank you. I touched the dildo. That's so strange. Is this in Russia or like Ukraine? Yes. Yes.

So this is teacher of the year contestants in Russia. Oh, what? We're made to rub a phallic crystal trophy during a bizarre ceremony. This is a tradition in the event which is sponsored by leading international oil companies for contenders to touch the annual trophy before the winner is announced. But this year, the specially cut object had an ambiguous shape. It's not ambiguous to me. It looks like a big glass cock.

It looks delicious. With wings on it too. You could tell who was like, thought it was funny and wanted to touch it. People were like, I'll touch the outside of it. Just give it a rub. Just give it a rub. Rub the head. Yeah.

Give it a good one. Come on. Don't be uptight. Girl. So nasty. Like y'all don't gobble it. God. Bitch.

I wish we had that here. I want a statue. A glass cock statue? Good luck. You rub it before you come on the show. What about our bushes? I thought we were going to do some kind of bushes when we move. Oh, we will.

Do I know? I kind of want to secretly. Yeah. I think it would be really funny if we did have. I want to do a bush that the cock points to the front door. Here's the door. Fountains. I want fountains.

The Dick Fountains. Yeah. They go off. If they're fountains with dicks on it and they just shoot all day. You're so fucking great. You know, a fountain show? Yeah. Yeah.

I would do it. Let's see any Dick Fountain. Yeah, dude. That's a Dick Fountain. This would be fucking amazing. Those are. Yeah. I like that one.

A temple fountain penis water. So it looks like it's like a normal thing. There are phallic symbols everywhere. If you look at Biden's flag. The flag. The three letters that are supposed to be E are clearly satanic flags. I like when he goes. The two streaks of blood and the three streaks of blood.

Two times three, six, six, six. You're like, you're on top of it, dude. You just got it. You just got it. You just get it. This guy just gets it. I don't know what to tell you. Some people just see it.

They just see it. He knows. Yeah. Goodness gracious. This is something I've heard you wonder aloud many times. Are you ready? Why can't dogs talk? How do how do blind people know when they wake up?

I don't know that I'm awake until the first stop pops into my head every day. And that thought is always fuck. That's pretty funny. No. That's a good sense of humor. Yes, it is. Resilience. Resilience children.

Yep. That's very funny. That is a. What is it? Shamee. Shamee Supreme on tiktok. Shamee Supreme. Oh, sweet.

Yeah. It's very funny. My first thought is fuck. I think that's most people's thought this year for sure. Yeah, but it's also probably when how come these lights aren't going on? Oh, Tom. Oh, geez. Fuck.

Okay. Goodness gracious. So we modeled. We're models. We modeled yesterday. We are models. I'm a model. We had two sets of modeling shots.

I know. I can't wait to see how they turn out, especially the pictures of cockroach. Yes. We had forgot that we were taking photos. The whole team had photos taken just because we haven't had photos taken in a while. So. Well, interestingly enough, do you know the last time you and I took photos together, I think was in the basement of Sears.

When we did the famous back to back. No. Mary News team. We've done photos. Oh, Robin Von Swank did our second round. But the very first round of pictures you ever see of Tom and I back to back with our jeans up, we went to Sears. That's by the way, the photo shoot that turned into the meme.

You know, there's a meme of the two of us. Yeah. There's a meme of us like, Hey, when, when you've been hunting all weekend and then she wants you to do something. I'm like. Like that. That was at Sears. Yes.

I highly recommend them. We took a few fun photos. They've got all those silly backgrounds and stuff and really reasonably priced. Good. Good. I don't know if they still don't. That's it. We did that at Sears.

And that was the clouds and sky back. That has been. That's gotten the full meme treatment photo. Every time I see it to somebody. We're like, do you know you're in this? I'm like, yeah, of course. Because it'll be shared in the future. Yeah.

Of course. Because it'll be shared in like fishing circles. Like when you're trying to just fish and she wants you to do something else. It's like all these redneck things. You know. I know. Yeah. I know.

Did you, can we play the impression of the girl did of me? Yeah. I think so. Can we bring that up? Sure. Sure. Yeah. It's really good.

It's real. Yeah. C-H-A-E-L-E. Yeah. This is back in October. This is like, she did this in Halloween time. Yeah. So this is the, her impression of you.

Yeah. Speaking of memes. Really funny. This was really funny. Yeah. I did not steal Valor, Tom. The keys were right there on the curtains of the table. She's got hungry titties.

But Tom, Tom likes big old milk. She likes big sloppie titties. That's what I got. Big old sloppie titties. Do you even think of me as a woman anymore? Am I a woman to you? Do you have the fart mine cooked up? Cream and wheat makes me shit.

I don't know what to tell you. Every time right here, just shit, shit, shit. Liquid shit. I don't know. Cream and wheat. What's happening? No, no, no. Is that vomit?

No, I don't do vomit, Tom. No. I don't do it. I don't do vomit, Tom. I don't do it. I don't know. I'm getting mania with this one. Maybe a little bit of schizophrenia.

Let's see this one for Drew. See this one for Dr. Drew. I've been in therapy for 10 years, but let's see this one for Drew. That must be the Eastern blocker in me. Okay, Tom. Okay, Tom. She nailed it. Yeah, that was fantastic.

This is Chela Ferrier. F-A-R-I-O-R. Chela. Very funny. TikTok. Thank you so much. She got all your stuff. She got all the stuff.

I feel seen. I feel heard and validated. I feel like you've been watching. That was really good. Yeah. She's cool. That was really cool. Let's stay in the Christina.

She even has my jacket. This is Teddy Fresh. Yeah. This is a Elos jacket. I feel like let's stay in the Christina Lane and go for this. I'm afraid. Hungarian. I'm Hungarian.

Immigration video. Keep those Serbians up. He's like, we welcome people that cross into our country the right way at the crossing point. Those who try to cross illegally may end up in prison easily. You may easily end up in prison means you're going to prison here. Easily. That's not a debate.

Oh, shit. This is a video of somebody maybe trying to cross. Yeah, dude. This is real deal. They got a real problem with Serbians coming in. Here we go. Hey, guys, we found a gypsy. Here we go.

Here they go. They're finding gypsies. Yep. They're looking for them. Any Italians want to cross? Cockroaches of Europe. Not on my watch. Here we go.

Look how serious. They put a lot of money into this. For them, yeah. It's a million dollar production. I don't think so. Look at them patrolling the border. Out in the outskirts of Hungary. Here's the gypsy on the motorcycle.

Somewhere. Here he is. Look at those cool jeans, dude. These are so Eastern Blacky. Those are. Those are super. There you go. They're going to kill you and throw you behind bars.

Yeah. That is real, bro. If you're illegal and you want to get to Germany. The shortest journey from Syria is through Croatia. He's telling you, avoid us. Yeah. Do not trust the lying human traffickers. Hungary is a bad choice.

Ashutolom is the worst. And that's where he lives. That's where they are. That's the mayor. My city is the worst option for you to come to. Do not fuck with me. That is hilarious. Holy shit.

We are blatantly, brazenly, like don't fuck with us, bro. We're basically the Texas of. Of Europe. Don't mess with us, bro. Yeah. That would be like Texas being like you're trying to get to Oklahoma. Well, shortest routes through New Mexico. So don't even fucking think about coming through here.

Don't mess with Texas, bro. Yeah. That's something, man. Yeah. He means it. We have an update from a few months ago. So do you remember that we couldn't figure out if what was going on with this person? I got a serious question.

What do you think about the coronavirus? What happened? The coronavirus. Who? The coronavirus? No, the coronavirus. The vibrator? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, this is the, it's the new update, right? Stop it. Here you go. Huh? What happened? Oh, that is. What happened?

You just want the soda? I just want you to say how much you love Stop and Shop. How much you love Stop and Shop? How much do I love Stop and Shop? Yep. A whole bunch. How much is a whole bunch? A lot.

Like from your whole heart, you love Stop and Shop? Yeah. And your fans? Yeah. Yeah? We're going to have a barbecue fun? We're going to have a barbecue fun? Hey, when are we going to have a barbecue?

When? When. When? When are you free? Are we going to have a barbecue next week at your house? No, no. I said when are you free to have a barbecue? When are we going to have a barbecue?

Yeah. Well, we're not going to have one? No, no when we you're free so we could have one. You're going to have one? No, when are you free so we could have one? When are we going to have one? We're not. No.

Where are we? When are you free so we could have one? When are you going to have one? No, when are you free so we could have one? I think I understand now. When are you free so we could have one? I understand. When are you free so we could have one?

When can we have one? Yes. Oh my God. Okay. I want you to have one. Just like talking to your parents. Jesus. They can't hear you.

The connection. Okay, so she's a local celebrity in Riverside. Oh, hey, I've got a family there. Yeah. I'm going to see if they know her. Her name is Julie. That's my cousin's name. And there's the stop and shop that she loves to frequent and people get real excited to

see her. Yeah, I don't blame them. She really is a treasure. Some people thought it was a face swap. I thought it was. Including everybody that works here. Yeah, I did too. Or I thought she might be transitioning because she does have facial hair and her body seems

a little in between something, but you know, hey, I don't know. There's a lot of slim gyms in that fucking place. Jesus Christ. They're very popular. She's special. She is really sweet. She seems really sweet. Yeah.

Yeah. Nice. Nice touch. Touch. She's nice. Nice. Ah. Oh, yeah.

I tried to get when we did our photo shoot, I tried to get Drew to pull his dick out. Yes. Why didn't you? So upsetting. I was like, come on, dude. He was like, no. And I was like, come on. He goes, wait, are you serious?

And I go, yeah, everybody wants to see it. Just do it. I mean, imagine if you started out with your fans. Oh, that's a really good idea. He and Susan should do that. And they just fuck on camera. That's a really good idea. And then right away, he's on the news.

He's like, so here's the thing about this type of addiction. And he just switches and they're like, hey, aren't you that guy that fucks? Well, Nadav did get him to do some guns out. Yes. Picks. How were those? They're even bigger than you think they are. It's really impressive.

Yeah. Now, my question is, what do we do with that? There's a lot of Photoshopping that can happen there. Oh, yeah. I cannot wait. Just send me some files when they come in and we'll start work on ideas. Yeah. Maybe a billboard or something.

Yeah. Oh, billboard. Yeah. It's a good idea. Yep. Yeah. He's very fit, dude. He's very fit.

Remember we saw? He likes to get his de-est. Oh, yeah. I know. We were on a talking on Dr. Drew After Dark and he's, you know, we're just going back and forth joking and he's like, you know, so many personal things have come out about, you know, my life on the show and I'm like, oh boo-hoo that you have a huge hog and your wife sucks it.

Yeah. Three to five times a week. Like poor Dr. Drew. Yeah. You're fucking all the time. Yeah. Sounds like a dream. Well, you never find out.

He's, there's a reason why he's so relaxed. So relaxed. He's so chill. I know. Everybody you meet is not like him. Oh, he's so easy to be around. I think that's the key to it. I think everybody who's like really chill, you're like, are you coming a lot?

And they're like, actually I am. Well, I think so many of the world's problems could be solved by just jizzing. Sure. When you see like those incel guys and you realize, oh, somebody just was like, I like this guy and he'd be done with his craziness. Oh my God. We're full circle. This is our shark tank idea of just having old ladies that you can send to people's houses

and just rub their crotches. Asala la la la la la la. What's that? She's from a different region. Asala la la da da da da. Asala la la la la. Rub your dick. They don't do that in those countries.

You don't know where I'm talking about. I do know. No, you don't. You don't know the history of Nicaragua. But all those poor guys in those countries who can't have girlfriends and get laid. They're so fucking fired up and they smell. No, I didn't say that. Oh, it's hot.

I didn't say they smell. It's hot. I didn't say that. I'm just saying that I think those boys would benefit from normal sexual activity. I think it's good for them. That's a good point is that the ladies, the old ladies that are sent and they're just there. They're just there.

They're just yet. No, they're volunteers. You know what I mean? They're doing this for the community. The Lord's work. Yeah. Yeah. And so are the old guys and the rubbing pussies and dicks.

But they're old. But the main thing is these old ladies that are kind of helping these guys out who are backed up and don't have any affection. They go and they rub their dicks and they have a slogan. We won't make you come. But we'll make you hard. That's perfect for Josh Potter. Yeah.

Yeah, we won't make you come. But we'll get you hard. But we'll get you hard. Yeah. That's a great idea. Those are for people who can't afford. Imagine if you saw an old, like a bunch of old ladies together and they have walkers and they all have these shirts on that says we won't make you come, but we'll get you

hard. We'll see. Can I get one right now? OK. And they come over and they do their little rub magic. Oh, my God. Oh, there they are. There they are.

Here's a team of dick harders. Here's the dick tuggers. Right here. The dick tuggers. There they are. What are you doing? I'm going to rub some dicks at the dentist's office. You know what I can use.

And then you go, I value my seniors. They take care of them. I want them around. But no work. Yeah. You know what I could also use to, and I'm a little jealous of our children is when I wipe their butts. Yeah.

And Juju does it as a, he'll come up to me and I kind of wipe you and he'll pretend to wipe my butt. Yeah. I'm like, how nice would that be to have someone to professionally wipe you? Seniors. We should do it for, seniors should do it too. They should sit next to the toilets because they're sitting most of the time anyway. Wait a minute.

This is a great idea. Like, you know those people that give away candy in the bathroom and they hand you the towel. Why don't they wipe you too? And then I would really want to tip them. They should do, listen, seniors should be rubbing dicks, rubbing clits, wiping asses. They should be tying our shoes, cleaning our ears, trimming our necks. Trimming our necks.

Because I don't like doing that every so often. That would be great to have a senior come over clipping your toenails too. Absolutely. And look, I'll lay down. You're already seated. And then they just, yeah, they file them down, they clip them, and they maybe, maybe you put a little moisturizer on them. That would be nice.

Yeah. And shaving my legs. I would love to have someone do that for me and a senior. Get my ass waxed. Yeah. Senior. Opening cans. Oh, senior.

I don't have any grip strength. They can't open cans. You can't do it. No, with a can opener. Oh, okay. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I like this idea.

You ever see that granny porn? No. Dude, it is wild. Let's see it. It's like really old ladies. I've never seen old people fuck, actually. I've never looked at this. How have I lived on this planet?

It's weirder to see the old ladies for some reason. The old guy ones are like, whatever, but you got to find a real old lady. You're like, what in the fuck? Babe, this is going to be us. Right? Old lady. I don't like it. This is how she's able to keep her home.

That's the crazy part. She's not new to this. She's rubbing her tits on his balls. That's not like a first scene kind of move. It's a varsity level. Yeah. Man, I'd like to find a more fragile one. Oh my God.

Yeah, she's too sturdy and her hips won't break. Old as fuck. Yeah. That lady looks pretty old. He's going to break her neck with that one. Yeah. No, the one that, yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh.

Look how, she looks old, man. But I'm glad that she's with a nice young stallion. That's kind of neat. This chick looks cool right here in the ad. She's got a lot of tats. Whoa. I mean. Yeah, he's going to break her with that thing.

Oh, oh, Granny, oh, not the grandma. She's used to this. But she's so good at it. You see how resilient she is? Oh, yeah. She's not giving a blowjob. She's getting face fucked. Yeah.

Like. But that's a veteran face fuck. Of course. I mean, she's like, oh, yeah, this is what I used to do. Yeah, she knows how to do that. Oh, that one's really old. Granny is suck. Granny is suck grandson's dick.

Oh my God. I don't like the grammar on that one. Now, that's a big hug. Is there like a black granny gang bang? Oh, interesting. You know. The dog give me black granny gang bang. God damn.

No, she's not that old. No, some of these bitches. I want to see someone on their last fucking. Same. You know what I mean? Like Walker old. Like the kind of old we're talking about. I think we're too specific.

Let me just take out the race. OK. Well, that's always a funny one. Oh, that's fine. They're like. What do you mean funny? Like when they when they when they do like facelabs, I don't like a face fuck. No, she's like my age.

Get me like really old. I know. Oh, God. That is so nasty. This is good. Leave this up. Look at that haircut. Oh my God.

Yeah. She looks like she was in a fire. Do you think she's has grandchildren? You would have to tell her to look away. Yeah, go down there, but don't face me. No way. This is what old people look like when they do it. It's disgusting.

This is what we're going to look like. Oh my God, dude. She's like. Is she fingering his be hold? No. She's just like. Yeah. She's just like.

But what is she doing right there? I don't know. She's stopped on her edge. She's like, this is the kill bus. Yeah. She's done this for a long time. What the fuck is she doing? She.

Oh. Oh, fuck. No, I don't want to see this. And like she's grimacing. She's like, my hips are breaking. This guy's like 40 years. Yeah, that's what you're going to see, Tom. I probably won't even be able to shave my be look.

He can barely be hard, right? Of course. He's like half. Oh, he just spit on it. Yeah. Dude, look at that. Oh my God. Dude.

He's like, do you have any natural lubricant? No. She's like, went for the last 15 years. Babe, you're going to have to do this to me. You know what though? The craziest part? Oh my God. She's like.

Is that this guy did this and they're like, here's $200. I know. That is like. Yeah. But on the upside, she doesn't need birth control. She definitely doesn't. You can just cream pie. I mean, he could break her.

I know. Oh, no. What? Old grandma looks bald too. Oh, no. Oh, no. Shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, fuck, bros. I don't like this. This is someone's favorite thing, you know. It's all old. Oh, shit. I'm going to throw up.

I know Chris is jacking off in there. Oh, shit. Oh, God. Nature is savage. Okay. Dude, I'm going to look this way. Not too long, Tom. It's pretty exciting.

Wait, how old is she? This lady? I hate watching. She's in her 60s. Stop. That's it? Yeah. Dude, I don't have much longer until I look like this.

I wish there was like. He's fingering her old fucking. You know what I mean? A really just barely hanging on lady. Okay. I think I've gotten enough. Well, what the fuck is she? Not elderly.

I'm talking about someone who they're like, we got to pause and take her fucking blood pressure real quick. Why don't these people take care of their nana? Send your nana check. I'll take care of your nana. Send your nana $200. She doesn't have to. She doesn't have to.

She doesn't have to. She doesn't have to. She doesn't have to. She doesn't have to. Send your nana $200. Yeah. What y'all motherfuckers taking care of your nanas? That's exciting.

Send that bitch a check. I want to know if you're out there. Send us an email. No, no. If you're out there and you're like, that's my favorite genre. I want to know. Send us. Look at her and looking at.

Stop talking, please, everybody. So send an email to your mom's podcast at gmail.com And the subject line, Granny porn. And I want to know what about it gets you excited. Because that's a rough one, I think. To really, like if you're like, no, no, no. I really, I search for that. I want a woman 50 years older than me.

I mean, you wouldn't jerk off for that, would you? No, but here's what I'm thinking. What about old guys? Let me think about it. I don't like old. I don't want to see old guys. Here's the thing though. Here's why I think it bums me out.

It's not, it's not the physical. Okay. Because yes, it's just atrophied and old. I think for me, it's more like that's death. Like I start thinking about my own mortality. Of course. So it's hard to get excited when I'm like, that's going to be me pretty soon. Like I'll be on death's door.

I have a question for you. Yeah. What's harder to watch the old lady having sex in the porn or the old man having sex in the porn? The old lady. Because I'm putting myself in her shoes. Because I find it harder to watch the old lady, not the old man. Yeah, same. No, no.

But we're different genders and we both have the same problem. With a woman. Yeah. Is it because I think, I don't like to see her vagina. I don't like to see it spread and old looking. That scares me. Our whole thing is, yeah. Like look at this guy.

That guy's fucked up too. Not the Santa porn. This poor girl, she's like, I mean look at the guy too. He's going to die soon. He's going to die and he's probably in his 60s. He's 325 pounds. She's 22. Yeah.

There's at least a 40 year gap here. You know. Yeah. Like. And he does not deserve any of this. None of it. Oh. Oh my God.

He can't see his dick. Where's his dick? It's in her mouth but he can't see it. So tiny. He's looking around the side. Licking a vagina because it's so, look at him. Yeah. I mean, let me ask you, Tom.

His family just found out about this by the way. His family is like, what is that group you go to every Thursday? Is he hard? No. How is he not hard? Oh my God. Look at his body. It's disgusting.

And she's like, yeah, I got 600 bucks for this. Awesome. Oh no. I wonder if he performs a lot. Tom, let me ask you this. Oh my God. Let me ask you this. Okay.

Yeah. Imagine you're him. Don't you feel? Because here's the thing. I always. Wait, wait. Go to the end of that. Where does it go?

I'm trying to run a scenario. Where does it go? No, no. Where do you think it goes? Oh, I didn't think they would shoot this. How's he going to do this to her? I didn't think they would shoot this. I mean, he's so fat.

Because he can crush her. Yeah. He's going to kill. He's going to walrus her. He's on top of her with those big titties and big belly and everything. There's no way he can. The camera can't capture. She doesn't look super turned on.

No. She's like this. Nightmare. What is she thinking about? She's like, $600. She's like, I'm going to buy an iPhone. $600. I'm going to buy an iPhone right after he comes.

Is he going to be back in her? Oh my God. The ultimate disrespect. I know. From the old man. He's like, I didn't know it was coming out. God, he's revolting. He's pretty bad.

I got to say. No. I'm going to ask you. He's kissing her too. Okay. I'm this man. You told me I'm this man. Okay.

So here's the thing. Okay. When I think about this scenario, don't you feel bad? Find an older man. Go ahead. No. Don't you feel bad as the older? He's still a camp bagach in her.

Don't you feel bad for the younger, hotter person? Yes. So I'm just saying to you. Say, for instance, I'm dead. I'm gone and you're free in the wild. Okay. And like, yeah, you mean a 20 year old who's into you. Don't you feel on some level like revolted at her seeing you naked?

Yeah. Yeah. Like it's not exciting because you'll be like, yeah, but I look like this and you're 20 and you're so much better looking than me naked. Yeah. And what happens is the girl who, if you end up sleeping with that girl, it's only the two of you. For me, that I probably expressed that too.

And it was like, I don't care. I think you look, you know what I mean? Yeah. I wouldn't be able to hide my shame. Yeah. I would be like, I want to sit you down and tell you something. And she would be like, what? I go, I'm disgusting.

You're going to throw up. And she would be like, no. You know what ends up happening? That girl. Oh my God. No. This is the guy. No.

This is the guy. What guy? The guy from the piss party. Cool. You think so? That's him. I'm so glad we found him again. You don't remember that?

No, I know the piss party, but I don't think this is the same guy. That's the same guy. That's definitely the same guy. Tom seems locked in. Well, if this is in English, then it might not be. Let's see. This guy has an accent at a minimum. It's definitely him.

My face hurts from scowling right now. Yeah. Yeah. I can't watch this much longer. Good acting. He went. Oh, okay. I'm a Théa.

Anna. I'm staying here. Who are you? I'm a Théa. What's your name? That's Hungarian. I didn't know that you would come here. Can I stay here one more night?

I promise. Yeah. What was it called? It was called Uncle Something's Pool Party. Remember? Yeah. Uncle Charlie or something. Yes.

Yeah. Albert. Uncle Albert. There you go. That's what it was. That's what it was. There you go. That's Uncle Albert right there.

I'm so glad we can remember. He's not old enough. I want to see a real old guy. Like a bag of bones. You know? Wait, but back to my scenario. I'm dead. You're hooking up with a 20-year-old.

Mm-hmm. And she would try to be like, it's okay. You're just, I love you. Yeah. But I'm saying that. Would you even be able to do the sex act and feel good about it? I probably would. And then I, like, so this, I'm picturing that I'm, what, in my 60s or 70s or something.

Yeah. So I'd be like, nah, I'm really gross. And she'd be like, no, you're not. And then, you know, she's like blowing me and pissing in my mouth or whatever. She's really into pissing today. I don't know. I'm just like, you know, then what would happen is I would look at myself like, you're so disgusting, like to myself.

Yeah. And then I would, out of, because I'm all guilt wired, I would be like, here's a handbag. She'd be like, what's this for? I would say, I just thought I liked you. But really I'd be like, it's an apology for looking the way I look. That's what would happen. Yeah. Because I was like.

She'd be like, you don't have to get me this. I'm like, no. No, I do. I really do. I was pretty bad. Yeah. And I also got your Lexus. It's out front.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to think of like, if you're dead and some like cutie, patootie. Oh, no. He's always doing this. Albert loves this stuff. Like if I could do it and I would apologize too. And I'd be like, I've had two children.

My body is just. Yeah. The guy's 22. Wrecked. Yeah. And if you're fucking a 22 year old and you're 60 something. It's disgusting. Yeah.

It'd be bad. Yeah. You'd have to give him. You'd be like, you know. What do we do? What do we give him? Give him some tennis balls or something. Tennis balls.

Yeah. I'd be like, these are new. They're fresh. Tennis balls. Yeah. No, I'd have to bribe him too. What does a 20 year old want? Pop.

He likes that. He plays that. Yeah. Pop's good. I'd be like, I got you this bag of weed. Yeah. He'd be like, oh, that's fucking awesome. Yeah.

20 year old boys are a lot easier. He'd be like, he'd be like, can we eat you out again? Yeah. He'd be like, it's awesome. Yeah. That's what I would do. I don't. I mean, you in a 20, you wouldn't.

You'd be like, I'm his mother. Your kids would be younger than the boy. That's the thing I'm not sure. Like that's what I'm saying in these scenarios. Most people have that thing most where they go, I can't be with somebody. I'm talking about like grown adults. They go, I can't be with somebody younger than my grown children. No way.

Yeah. But even now, like I, like even these knuckleheads in the booth, you go like, you guys are babies. They do seem like, yeah. But they're only like 20, 30 years old and you're like, ugh, even a 30 year old sounds. Okay. Let's see. Let's see what's going on. This guy looks old, man.

He looks old. Oh, he's not that old. God damn it. You know what I mean? Like someone is trouble getting around. That guy's not old. That guy's in too good a shape. Oh God, look at those two.

Well, you have your homework. Oh my God. That guy looks bad, Tom. Grandpa fucks a beautiful teen pussy. Okay. Let's see. Let's see. Oh my God.

He looks like shit. But I don't know how old he is. I think he just has bad, you know, genetics. I always think about- He's 50. Yeah. I always think about the girl in these- Always.

Man, how did she, he looks so old. Well, he also has a terrible look, you know? He's not so old, but he has a terrible look to him. Yeah. Like that stupid facial hair. Oh God. Yeah, the stupid facial. He's mouth kissing her.

Yeah, sticking his tongue in her mouth. Could you even imagine having to French this pig? And she, you know, she walked out of there like, oh God. I know. How do you wash this off? They were like, what was the worst part? She was like, definitely his tongue in my fucking mouth. She was like, I'd rather eat that guy's ass again than have his tongue in my mouth.

Ugh. Look at his deep thrusts too. It's so gaudy. Well, he's taking his time. He's like, this isn't going to happen again. Oh no. Not the backing. This is the best shot.

He's got his socks on too. He's got his socks on like an asshole. Oh man. Take your- This poor girl. She's like, maybe I can just push him away. Well, here we go. He's like, don't try and-

Think I'm in. Oh God. Yeah. That's a bad, that's bad thrusting right there. Yeah. She's just like- She's like, it's nice to have a day off. This feels like to her.

Without a guy, it's going to break me in half. No man. But look, you know, don't these girls have a choice as to what kind of gigs they take? Yeah, I guess. Yeah, sure. Maybe she's like, this is an easy thing. I think it probably would be to show up a fucking old guy. If you're used to fucking stallions every week and they're like, this guy's 60.

He's going to barely hang in there. You're like, all right. Same rate? Yeah. Seven dollars, four dollars for- And then I keep all the extra money because it came in me. Okay. All right.

Moving on. What a nightmare. Yeah. God. This guy apparently is on meth. Happy New Year, bitches. Guess what I've been doing? Yes, I've been working hard for three days.

I've been getting higher and higher and higher. I'm about six feet into it. And you can tell I'm working off my body some ways. I've been off my body for days. I'm not even kidding. When we were in school, they should have played us videos like this. And they're like, you want to do drugs? And you're like, yes.

And they played this. You're like, oh, shit. What? You really should have. This guy's on drugs right now. I agree. They make the approach too sterile. And they try to be like-

Yeah, be honest. Only bad kids take drugs and you're like, sounds fun to me. I know. And you see this guy and you're like, ooh, okay. This guy is a fucking mess. His life's over. I'll pass on drugs. Well, too.

I mean, it's not like he's just going to sleep this off and be normal in two days. That looks like irreparable damage. And here's the interesting thing. No, his brain's fucked. Gone. Gone, Daddy Go. This guy I'm going to show you is not on drugs. But can you describe what you're seeing when you see it?

Okay, sure. It's a gentleman maybe in a Walmart. Wearing very tight jeans. He's wearing tight jeans and he's got his camera on himself in the mirror. And he looks to be pissing in his tight G. And he's just pissing and pissing. And the spot is getting bigger and bigger and running down his legs. And he seems perfectly happy with himself.

Oh, he's thrilled with it. He's into this. And he's got his moustache and- Yeah, he looks cool. He's a cool guy. They're very tight and they're very, like they're the whitewash. Look, everybody, I made a sissy in my pants. Where did we find this one?

This one's a weird- Mommy would be so upset if she was still around. Yeah. And, like, he's showing you all the angles of his pissy jeans. Oh, my God. It makes me have to go potty, too. I'm a naughty boy. He's showing you all the angles.

Yeah. Who is this appealing to? Is there, like, a piss-jean finish? For sure. Obviously. For sure. Where did you get that? Yeah.

I read it. I read it. It's fucking amazing. You know how many people are like, you did it, Craig. This is so hot. Thank you for posting this. Craig nailed it today, guys. Yep.

He went there. He went to fucking Ross and he put on those real tight whitewash jeans. You gotta do the light color jeans so that the pee darkens the light color. If you wear dark jeans, you fuck up completely. That's what I'm glad I remembered. And then he did all his poses. I know. And I'm surprised-

So it's where all the pee went. You walk by. Oh, and there's piss on the- Yeah, yeah, you pee too. There's nobody walking by. I mean, he found a nice quiet corner of the store. There's a security camera in that store for sure. A number of them.

That probably later they were like, oh, that's why there's piss on the ground. Yeah, you dick. People can slide on that. This guy stood there and recorded himself pissing. Fucking dick. This has been, I tell you, I've been avoiding this clip. I've seen it in my bank for weeks. And I keep-

And why? Because it is. I think it just weirds me out. I don't know. We kicked the National Guard and the cops out of the precinct. Not this part. So if you got anything better than that, you should have sent it before we got trenched in.

Yeah, nothing political. Anyways, I want to show you guys something way more exciting than any occupational protest. Yeah. What is it? And that is the plant I'm growing out of my leg. This part. What? No.

Yeah, dude. I have a giant abscess down there. And I planted these weeds in the abscess. And I got a little drip line of blood to keep the hemoglobic iron content high in the soil. I'm going to add a little magnesium and zirconium to it later. I know. There's the plant, the long plant itself. Jesus Christ, man.

It's got so much infrastructure on it. It's kind of hard to see. This guy planted a plant in an abscess in his leg. Has blood drip going into it? It's so intricate. He's like, this is hemoglobin. How does he know all that? Here's the whole side thing I got going on during this occupation right now of the streets

is I'm growing a plant out of my leg. I don't know. This has to be New York City. No, I don't think so. Dude, this is crazy. This has Pacific Northwest vibes to me. Oh, I don't know. It's pretty weird.

It's to me, New York City weird. I'm going New York City on this one. I'm going Pacific Northwest. It's Seattle. Oh, you nailed it. Wow. My power is a weirdo perception. What's up, Northwest brothers?

Yeah. Wow, good work, Tom. I'm proud of you. Can I take a piss real quick? Sure. I'm going to burst here. Hold on. And we're back and you peed and you wiped.

And you know what's neat is I had one of those machine gun farts. I like those so much when you don't know what's coming and it's like. Okay, that's good. Also, this is one of those videos that's going to haunt me for years to come. There's a few on the show that have always had a special place in my heart. The vegan vagina guy. I just fucking hate him. Guys like this, by the way, could make me fucking join the NRA.

Yeah. Like these guys. Oh, I know. He's hardcore. What are you talking about? Yeah, I mean like fucking anarchy bro. Plants growing out of my leg. I'm like, yeah, no, I don't want anything to do with you.

I don't like this guy. I know. I don't like his energy. This dude is. Because it's chaos. Like he's out in the streets growing plants in his leg. He needs help. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's messed up. Go away. Go away. Yeah, this is the guy, too, that he's like, you should give me your house. Yeah. That's his philosophy, you know. Yeah, man. Come on.

Fuck, no. It's organic, Tom. Why don't you want to eat what's growing out of his leg? Goodbye. Bye, sir. What if he sold that? Oh, fuck, man. I could see Fedsmoker doing something like this.

If he had the brain capacity, because this seems like it takes a lot of work. Did you see the Fedsmoker video I sent you? I sent you one, and I found another one. The huge compilation that you found? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll be pulling from that over the next few weeks. You know what's wild about drugs, too?

Because they should just show the Fedsmoker story to the kids. His looks. The story. Very, very, like the very video to video so dramatically. Yeah. That if you didn't hear his voice, you'd be like, oh, that's a new guy. He's like 40 pounds heavier in one. Next one, way lighter.

The hair, full, like lion's mane and then buzzed. You know, face, everything changes. He's just completely different looks. Isn't that wild? It's just how you treat your body is how you're going to look. It's so, so crazy, dude. Yeah, I know. He's the opposite of a wellness person.

I know. I know. Yeah. When I talk to Tony Gonzalez, you know, like he's 44, I think, and he's like, you know, I watch, like he's like super health conscious and you see it, right? Oh, yeah. He's like, what he consumes, he watches everything he eats and vitamins and, you know, these MCT or like all the shit that he takes care of.

And then the dramatic polar opposite is like Fedsmoker. No. He's like, brother, what you got to do? I smoke two, three packs a day. You know, I just eat when I can off the floor and pretty good, right? Pretty good Fedsmoker impression. I know. You got to be careful.

But then again, you know, there are these people. Americans. Oh my God. There are people who jog every day and do everything right. And they still fucking die early in the, but then there are people, then you see vegans that look terrible too. You do. A relative who hasn't gained a pound since he got married.

An uncle, like 40 some years ago. Damn. Just same waistline and he's a big runner, real active dude. And he couldn't believe that he needed a stint put in. Wow. Despite being like super thin. Yeah, man. It's just all the dice.

Genetic dice, homie. Genetics are a motherfucker. Mine suck balls. Yeah. I'm going to be dead soon. Don't say that. I'm going to be dead next week, but like, you know. How long do I have?

Like how long? I think you have a good, I think you have a good 30 years left with me. Oh, that's plenty. Yeah. That's too much even. Yeah. Don't even think about that. Like what are we going to do in 30 years?

We're going to be done talking. That's for sure. For sure. I mean, I'm going to see you and be like, I already know what you're thinking. I know. Don't say it. Yeah. Like we've, we just celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary.

Yeah. We've been together for 16 years, right? Mm-hmm. Total. Mm-hmm. And I do feel like I know you pretty well. I mean, there are deep dark rage issues inside of you that I don't think I'll ever understand like that.

I don't feel like I totally know you, know you, know you because I can't, how do you really know somebody? But I know your mannerisms. I know what you like. I know your habits. That side I don't know as well. The darkness. I know you pretty well too.

Really? Of course. Tell my mannerisms like when I'm upset, when I'm happy. Yes. Yeah. I sense you too. It's all sense. It becomes second nature.

I can, I know if I go, hey babe, the response, whether to ask you the next thing, you know, you could be in another room and if you're, if you're like, you could just say one word and I'll just turn around and be like, yeah, I'll just let her. For sure. But that's what marriages are. That's what marriage is. Yeah. You know, it's funny.

It's not, it's not so much about what you say. It's about what you don't say. I think the more you're married to somebody, at least what I found with us, it's like just accepting that other person and being like, I'm not even gonna, why am I going to try to change this? You know what it is? It's like, you, I think a mature marriage, if you've been with someone, you also just go, oh, this is a moment right now that they need space or they're frustrated or they're

overwhelmed or she's like, you automatically register it. Yeah. Right? I see you, you say something, I'll be like, in my head, I'll be like, she's tired. Same way, honestly, like the same way you do with your own kids, right? Yeah. They're tired. Just let it go.

If I'm in a good place, then I can process that, go, she's tired. Yeah. And then I'll be like, you know what, all these things I was gonna ask, I'm just gonna do them. You know what I mean? You go, I'll just do them. Yes. And then your spouse sleeps and later on, you're like, you're tired, huh?

And then you're like, how'd you know? I put it together pretty quickly. That's true. And sometimes. There's things that you figure out about your, like, I know when we leave here on like a podcast day, you're done. Cooked. You're done.

Cooked. And I don't fight that. Don't want to talk. I don't want to do anything. I want to go home. I need an hour to decompress and then I'll come down and deal with you guys and the kids. And I actually, I'm like, I'm ready to do stuff now. Oh, is that right?

Of course. You're charged up. I leave here and I'm like, I can phone calls, emails, I'm going, I work out when I get home from this. Complete opposite. It's this show and like performing and podcasting. It takes my soul from me. So when I'm done, I feel like my soul is just gone.

I think this is a good moment to tell the audience my announcement. Go ahead. I'm happy to announce right here right now that in 2024, I'll be running for president right. Don't laugh at me. No, I'm fully behind you, Tom. Who's your who's your VP? Oh, that's going to be a long time down the line.

Most of the things that I'm going to do. Well, who's your VP? I'd like to be your VP. Well, I have to interview you have to vet you the fucking time out. Well, you have to talk to some people in my camp, you know, you can't just get the VP nomination like that. You have to prove yourself. You have to tell me like some of your background.

We're a team. Yeah. We're a team. Well, I know, but I can't I can't just hand it to you like that. Yes, you can. It's called nepotism. It happens all the time. That's what happens, bro.

Look at what Trump, he did as a whole family works for him. Well, I'm running for president and my platform is crotch rubs for everyone. No, it's everything. Everyone gets their own personal old person. Everything has cheese on it. That's the whole thing. Everything has cheese. And that's good.

Automatically. No extra charge. No extra charge for extra cheese. And that's my platform and and no new taxes. No more taxes. Extra cheese is free. Toilet paper is free because everybody get every winter. We'll get fresh socks that you can pull up and they fit nice and they keep you warm.

We're going to kick some minorities out of the country. Oh, but of course. Yeah. What? I saw your face change. You not want to vote for me anymore? I think I'm on the fence now. You better be on the right side of that fence.

Yeah. Well, guess what? You're on the first boat out. Oh, why? As long as it's a boat. Huh? As long as it's a boat. No, of course not.

Tom, as president. Yes. Will you make public masturbation legal finally? Absolutely. Yeah. 100% and I rest my case. Chris Wallace. Yeah.

I have two minutes. I only need 10 seconds. Yes, you can jerk off wherever you want. It's America. Okay. I would stand back and be like, try to argue with that. Yeah. Good idea.

Third degree murder is now legal. Oh, third. That means like it wasn't premeditated. I agree. Well, how can... Yeah, I like that idea, Tom. I'm behind you on that. You can graffiti things if it looks cool.

That's a good point. That's a new rule. You want to graffiti something? Does it look badass? Here's the thing. The punishment is severe if it's shitty artwork. If it's... Yeah, I like that idea.

So you graffiti something and it looks like shit. If it's lame. You get a 25-year prison sentence. I like that. Yeah. We should... Make sure you bring out your best, you know? We should definitely give out free birth control.

Like dispensers. Yeah. And those old ladies, the old crotch rubbers, they're in everywhere. You can't get away from them. So everyone's hard or worked up all day. Everybody's make America horny again. And then because you can masturbate, then everyone's jacking off in public. Oh, and you know what's a good idea is they play porn when you go into Best Buy.

You're allowed to play porn in public. If you want to see what those TVs can do, put something really cool on them. Yeah. But not for where children are. No kids. No kids allowed in the Best Buy. Best Buy is now 18 plus only. No one under 18 can go to Best Buy.

It's true. That's just the thing. Actually, most businesses are going to convert to 18 only. Oh, I know. As president, will you make all seats on planes lay down beds? That's a fucking great idea. Not charge any more than a regular economy seat. That is a great way to bankrupt an airline company.

So yes, I'm in. You guys have to reduce the number of seats, make them all lay flats, and they cost the same as an economy seat. But you can make the plane a double-decker plane. Which is also free. Everything is free. There's my plan. Okay.

Also, will you make whistling in public illegal? 100%. What can happen is this. You're allowed to whistle in public. But a police officer that is trained is given the green light to hit you in the head with a baton or night stick. Okay. Once.

Full swing. Okay. Because you whistled. And if you recover or live, then you can keep whistling. But I think you're going to be like after that. So. What about speakerphone conversations, Tom? Immediately they take your phone and they set it on fire in front of you.

Yeah. I like that idea. These are all good ideas. And I want to, I changed the position already. All the minorities are welcome back in our country. Yeah. Even Nadav. Welcome back, Nadav.

Welcome back, Nadav. Great to be here. Thank you. Yeah. It was really weird without you there for a second. Mm-hmm. All right. Oh, I found my secretary of state.

Oh, who is it? It's right here. Hi, beauties. There's a different look for me. Silver sparkling fuzzy sweater. Silver fox fur coat. Purple fluffy gown. And purple wig.

A few more accessories. It looks like Mike D. Kind of got those. So beautiful and amazing. Yeah. I am here sparkle like a queen. Yeah. Okay.

I appreciate all the love and support. Imagine if you sent that person around and you're like, I'm the Fabulous Nicole Princess Taylor. This is my Fabulous Nicole Princess Taylor, Secretary of State of the United States of America. I think in today's world, they'd be like, that's so wonderful, Tom. That's fine.

You're so inclusive, putting the craziest person you can on your cabinet. It's pretty wild. That's pretty nutty, dude. Oh, so you know this thing, this guy has like four million views on different platforms. The mommy challenge. Drive through, right?

Hey mommy, how much was it? Double today was two dollars and seventy cents. Hey mommy, I have a stress paper. Sorry? I have a stress paper. Yeah. Oh. You don't have paper stress, mommy?

No, we don't. Okay, no worries. Thank you. Oh shit. Wait, mommy. That's the coke, right? Large coke, yeah. Okay, thanks mommy.

Thank you. That was five. So mommy challenge, but I said, you know, no one gave us credit. That's definitely our challenge. That's our challenge. 100%. I mean, we've been doing it for, I don't know, years.

Years. Hi, what can we get for you? Hi mommy, I'll do a venti iced coffee with cold milk and sugar. Come on. Okay. And a venti mocha. Anything else? Nope, that's it.

All right, A51. Okay, thanks, James. Thanks, James. Thanks, James. It was so many of these. So many. What a great era. Hello, James.

Sorry about that. Okay. That's okay, mommy. Could I just get a number six? Hi, mommy. Can I get a large fry? Hey, hey, mommy. Can I get a chicken fries?

Yeah. And so. International. International. And a ice cream cone. So chicken fries and ice cream cone? Yup, and a large coke. Ring, ring, ding, dong, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,

ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. It's gotta do. It's gotta do. It's gotta do. That's an old school jam. That's my ring time. Welcome over, how can I get fresh for you today? Salome, how you doing today?

Good, how are you? You know, same shit, different toilet. I've got, oh, I'm sorry, can you hold on one second? I'm sorry. Hey, Kase, when are you gonna bring back my staple gun, man? I'm trying to finish a gazebo. God damn. I'm so sorry about that.

It's a cut, man. Don't call there. I've got orders for a couple different people. So, you know, we're the, I mean, it's just crazy that people wouldn't, you know. Didn't give us credit. I mean. They tried to stole credit from Double Pipe Classic. They didn't credit us on that.

Nope. Show me how those big tits fart. What? That was stolen? Oh, yeah. People were crediting, you know, somebody on Tinder. No. I was like, yeah, I really heard it.

Here. Here. You know, we invent so many things on this show. That help people. That aren't giving credit. That give the world something. Of course, Tom. Double Pipe Classic.

That was yours. Do you want to hear, this is really funny, before we do our talks. We have talks. We have talks, yeah. This is a Israeli, like, game show, and it has people with weird laughs on it. Oh, cool. I hate it. Yeah.

I know it. Nadav hates it, but for different reasons. Nadav, those are your people? Unfortunately, yeah. Jesus. What do you not like about this? I hate the Jews. What are you so hateful for?

Just everything about it. Just the way they talk, the way they sound. Yeah. The way they laugh. You are traumatized. I really feel like you're traumatized. I don't even know how I got hurt or who hurt me. I just know that.

You're hurt. Sure. I'd like you to talk to a shrink about this. Will you talk to a therapist about it? Sure. I'll bring it up with my therapist. Yeah. Well, you'd be like, oh, hey, I would like to address my unwavering anti-Semitism.

And then they'll be like, um. Well, it's not technically anti-Semitism. Self-hating. Yeah. You're self-hating, Jew. I'm in the clear on that. Got you. Okay.

But yeah, I'll try and get to the bottom. Cool. Give us some info here. I don't like the laugh. Yeah, I love dad boners. Let's do dad boners. Hey, guys. Good afternoon.

This is Big D from Hot Ass Wood. And guess what we got? What? Certified kiln dried firewood. What? 55 or 53 footer tri-axle on the truck in the back. Three axles on the front. Look at this.

Look at all this wood. Look at that. That is going to supply a lot, a lot of fuel to a lot of happy people. Yeah. Look at this. Walking floor trailer. It just pushes itself off. Oh my God.

A lot of wood. Look at the splits. Look at the quality. I'm so innocent. Look at this. Cherry, ash, hickory, locust. This is about wood, firewood. Oh my God.

This dude's enthusiasm. Oh my God. He doesn't have sacks anymore though. Incredible. All right, guys. This is why we're number one. Because of you guys. We love you.

Look at this. It feels this way about wood. Oh my God. He's so excited. Look at this. It is kind of fun to watch. Holy moly. It's not.

600 horsepower. God knows how many pounds feet of torque. Look at how it's just pushing it out. That is a tremendous amount of wood, guys. We got it. Holy moly. He doesn't even curse. Macarole.

Aw. It's very innocent. He's like my four year old. I like the picture that the guy filming that, getting that excited about wood, is the same guy we saw in the old guy porn, Uncle Albert. It is not. He has two different lives. He's like, look at all this firewood.

Then he's like, I'm pissing my mouth for this video. No. There isn't asexual quality to the dad boner. There is. Right? It's a guy who's like sweet and innocent, and they don't do piss porn and stuff. I know. And they don't watch piss porn because they get stoked on wood.

I know, but if they get introduced to piss porn, all of a sudden they're starring in movies. I heard you, but you're looking for me. Bitch, here I go. Bitch. Oh my God. Here I go. Now, you know what's interesting?

I've been checking in on Captain Marcel down the mountain. She was one of the original TikToks we fell in love with, and she's just been doing a lot of music videos lately, like duetting and such. So I can't bring her on the show. Maybe live show. Live show. Maybe. Yes.

Good idea. Great idea, Tom. I'm going to start covering some misconceptions about Satanism. Okay. And this is going to be a fun one. Eating babies. Satanists do not eat babies. That's all there is.

We don't do it. Thanks for watching. Oh, how was it? Hail Satan. Hail yourself. Hail Satan. Really poked some holes in that theory. Thanks, man.

I mean, and it doesn't seem like Satanists have any more fun than we do. I was hoping since they're bad, they would have more fun, but they don't. They don't. Congratulations on getting on the show. I would work on the eye line a little bit. Maybe hold the camera up and look at the lens. You little fucking cut. You think you can talk to people like that and get away with it?

You little bitches. I have severe nerve pain and I hope it happens to you someday, you little bitches. I could fucking cream all of you even with all my nerve pain. You fat fucking bitch. Where's that? You. You're fucking fat and you're a fucking ugly little fucking mutt and you have a big fucking nose. Holy shit.

I mean, you like that. I mean, that's intense, man. I was just for you. I mean, they must have done something to her though, right? You know, just that's not unprovoked. Yeah, they maybe were messing with her. She's like, I have nerve damage. So maybe she was.

What did they do? I mean, that really makes me curious to the back story because I really, I feel that woman's anger, you know, like I can, I can. I feel like she felt so slighted by them that she had to unleash that on them, you know. Wow. See, I don't feel sympathetic for her at all. I do. I feel like they are a little fucking cunts in that car.

I do. I feel like it. And I feel like they did something. Well, that's the neat part about TikTok is that you don't get the whole story. I know. You just get a snippet of the absurd and then you fill in the blanks. The only thing that would be better is right now this keeps playing and they all go forward because she just crashes into them.

And that would be funny. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right.

We're fine. Everybody's fine. Oh my goodness. No, no, no. That's not... That was a little old lady fight. Old lady fight club. between shooting their scenes.

Yeah. Yeah. If you want to, you may want to replay that because it happens at the very top there is that one old lady in her walker is like putting her hand out to punch the other old lady in the walker. I think the old lady on the left is not using a walker. Oh, let me see it again. It's such a...

Hits. Hits. And then the lady on the right tries to hit her with the walker. It's pretty amazing. I've never... So she's punching her. Yeah. Okay, okay, okay.

Oh shit, bitch. We're fine. Everybody's fine. Talking some shit. Yeah. No, no, no. That poor nurse is like, let's not... We're fine.

You guys are going to die soon anyway. Yeah. So let's not accelerate it. Yeah. And I like the laughter in the background of the workers were like, that's fucking wild. It's wild. Did you see Rose push Gertrude in the lunch? Because that shit never goes away.

That, you know... No. Fire is working to the end, man. And especially at that age, you don't give a rip anymore. You're just letting it fly, dude. I'm just such a small fat. Oh. Oh.

See, I'm creating gas. Yeah, we get it. I've just been fooled. Oh. Oh my God. Now there's a few points. Yeah. How is his face that dark next to his body?

Because I don't know. I mean, this is an African-American man and his body looks light skinned and his face looks so dark. Like, that's like a health issue, right? Like, this isn't his pigmentation. This guy's... I don't know. I feel like his face is like, we're about to die.

Like blood pressures through the roof. It's definitely odd. I don't know. I don't know. But I like when he's like, I'm such a little thing. Oh. And then he's like, I'm making farts and you see I'm doing it by digesting food. Like, yeah, no shit.

But that color thing is really wild, right? It's off-putting. The difference? I don't know what the deal is. I don't know. It is off-putting. I'm serious. I think it's health-related.

It's a wild guess. Could be. He's so much darker in the face. It's crazy. Are there any women out there looking for a leader and a mate? Oh boy. Yeah. What the fuck?

Are there any women out there looking for a leader? He gives you the hair shot? Yeah. No, sorry. Yes, I'm here. I need a leader. I don't know. He's just putting it out there, Tom.

What could he have done better in that video? Let's help the guy. You want to start at the top? I mean, I like this. It's like a reveal thing, right? Yeah. Are there any women out there looking for a leader and a mate? And a mate.

And downy. He's just cinematic. This is a dramatic thing he's doing. I would cut it off a little second sooner. Yeah. Maybe look for a little more in your message. I mean, he's casting a net there. Do you want a leader?

Seeing what comes back. Right. I mean, much like you running for president. Yeah. What's your platform? I mean, I gave you plenty. So if you don't want to vote for me, you're fucking stupid. But I'm saying this man, he didn't present anything.

Well, I want to know what are his leadership qualities. Yeah, I agree. He just said you want a leader and then turns it off. Yeah. That's a good point. Like, how will you lead me? Lead me. What are your skills to pay the bills?

Come on, man. This will be the most important question of your fucking life. Whenever you start a conversation with your significant other, say this. Do you want me to listen or do you want me to fix? Look how tight those pants are. I know. You can see that bulge. Goddamn.

You can see the... Got the belt buckle. I mean, it's all tight. The shirt's tight, too. Oh, he's ridiculous. Yeah. And that's why I liked him because he's like so yoked and he's like, this is the most important question you kind of...

I feel like if you work out this hard, you should wear tight clothing. Yeah, he should show it off. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, I'm kind of like, tight clothing is for you. Yeah. You know? It's for that body.

Or even if it's naturally given to you, let everybody take it. I agree. I'm not hating. I'm not hating. But I was just thinking about this talk in relation to us, like before you have a conversation, do you want me to listen or do you want me to fix it? I think if you asked me that, I would punch you in your fucking face. Because when someone's upset, is that you really...

That's kind of like... No, I know. It's kind of... I know. Every time you say something. Annoying. Like, shut up. Right.

But imagine you're upset. Yeah. Like, you're genuinely upset. Okay. And I go, Tom, do you want me to listen or do you want me to fix? Shut the fuck up. Right. Yeah.

That's how I would feel if somebody said that shit to me when I was in the middle of something. Like, fuck you. Fuck your mother. Why don't you go fix your fucking mom? Why don't you wear a fucking tighter jeans, asshole? Yeah. That's how I'd feel.

Yeah. I'm with you. I mean, I get the sentiment and I think that he's correct in his thinking. But in execution, probably not a good thing to really try on your spouse. Oh, here's another one for him. That girl almost, almost caught me staring at her ass. Almost. This is the perfect ass guy.

Just quite. Just quite. I was walking by this black girl, probably 22, 23, very cute, nice big ass. So I kind of looked down like this and she just locked the ice with me, right? And I immediately averted my eyes back away. You know, she was looking at my eyes because they're beautiful, you know what I mean? I get complimented sometimes on my beautiful green eyes or blue eyes, whatever fucking color they change on a daily basis.

But no, she was really cute. She had nice hair, she had like the waves going on. I should go holler, but you know, I'm open enough to be your dad. She's like 20, 21, but it's good times, good times, baby, it's good times. This is the, it's the strangest just library of information to keep, you know, like this is his diary. I know. The ass report.

Yeah. And like to be like, I got a report. I got to let people know what just happened. I was just looking at a girl's ass and she almost caught me. I know. And why don't you want to keep that on like, you don't want this out. First of all, everybody has this story, but you just don't go like, oh, I should broadcast this story.

You know, everybody has been caught looking at somebody before. Right. And that's his thing. He's like, I'm the ass guy. And I want it, I want there to be records of this. I want you to be able to pull up the day I stared at someone's ass and they saw me. I know. What?

But remember, he's the ass master. That's right. When he was the, when critiquing. I don't like a boxy ass. I don't like this kind of square ass and flat ass and then there's great asses. And I'm here to tell you about it. He's the expert. Yeah.

The ass. He's fired up his phone. I just saw a great ass and ran the risk of getting caught talking about it. So like, I mean, imagine you recording that just after it happened, that girl could be right behind you. Bananas. Yeah. The guy's bananas.

Oh God. The snow glows white on the mountain tonight, not a footprint can be seen, a kingdom of isolation and it looks like I'm a queen the winds are howling swirling store like a swirling store inside gotta keep it in but heaven knows I try don't let them in don't let them see the girl that I ought to be don't let them see don't let them know now they know let it go let it go God. You really think that this is man's alive right now. This is a this is a note.

That's what this is. This guy's beyond depressed. I know I'm depressed after watching it. No, it's the song from frozen. It's about it's about letting the past go and embracing embracing the future next world you're gonna live in. Frozen is about hope Tom. It's about.

Yeah, he's hopeful that heaven lets him into the gates. This is not this guy's not alive. We just watched somebody's last message. That was so depressing. Well, Tom, you know, I potato potato. I thought this was beautiful and engaging and you felt depressed. So I'll show you. I'll show you a fun time.

I don't know what to tell you. This is a fun talk right here. You've seen this this on a zipline. Oh, I don't like this. Oh, my God. Look how fucking high up. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, my God. I got the job.

Fuck that. Wow. Wow. Oh, look at that hand. Look at that hand. Oh, what the fuck are you doing? Oh, destroyed. This guy didn't prepare for this.

Oh, look how high up he is. Dude, this guy's out of his mind. That is the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life. Fuck. That was the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life. No, that's not funny to me. Then I'm confused on what makes you laugh. I don't understand why you.

Is this just like cool? No, I just felt that genuine panic, you know, like something getting away from you that you can't control, like the speed of that. And then you know intellectually not to put your hand there. Oh, my God. He definitely knows that. Yeah, but survival.

But he did it. And then his hand is completely fucking destroyed on the inside. I don't even know how he got it to stop. By the way, also that sound, I was trying to figure out whether it was the sound of that or his actual going. Same. Because it sounded like it was kind of a mix of those. Can we see it again?

So he's trying to get his bearings. So he's on a zipline. Right. And I guess he was going to take his time going across that. And it feels like it just took off on him. Wow. Like the way that the line is. And also, whatever, however, his apparatus is set up,

it just took off. He was flying and he's several hundred feet up in the air. It's crazy. And then as he's trying to slow down, I mean, you could tell it is fucking hauling at. That's what I'm talking about when you go like, oh, my God, I'm not in control. Yeah.

You can have that, you know, in anything. It's terrifying. There's like a speed factor. I know. It's terrifying. You've all been there. You know, you're in traffic. Like one time, you know, I slid on the ice.

Yeah, exactly. That's a great one for it. This is fucking beyond, like if I live, I'm cool if I don't. But this one, also, he's so far from the mountain that even the perspective of distance. Yes. You can tell that he's so fucking far. And you also know the panic also is like,

you also know there is no like, hey, can you help me out? No, he's fucked. You're alone. He's alone. And he's going to die alone. Yeah. So he's trying to get, he's trying to like inch out. Oh, and then it just goes.

Yeah. One time. Go put your hand there. That's the sound of rope. That's the rope. That's the rope. What is that? That's a rope.

That's the rope. This is just breaking it. So he gets hooked on that. He's just trusting that clip or whatever. He's just caught his breath. Imagine the adrenaline surge. He's like, oh my God. It's an experience probably.

He's got all his gear and everything. Your life depends on that hook that he's on. Your gear. That's wild. That is wild. Oh, thanks, Tom. We were having a good time. We were enjoying that Man's Suicide song.

And then you had to play this. Oh, this place, that was pretty funny. Ow, fuck. Ow, daddy, my pussy ears. This is just one of those, like, trying to be funny. Making that. That looks like it hurt every time. Yeah, I liked it though.

I just like making fun of people. It's good. It's fun. Once your full moon water has charged out in the full moon, bring it inside. You can use it for drinking. You can use it for pets, children, plants. What?

To do spells with or to clear your house. Do you ever have full moon water? Full moon water? You got it. So here's the thing. You only put the jar of water outside in a full moon. And leave it open so that the moon vibes can get in. That's what she's telling you.

Positive moon vibes. And also any other animals that want to pee. Spit or lick or shit in it. And then you drink it and the moon heals you. Good bugs in there. God, this is insane. This is insane. Fuckin' prison mate right here.

Girl. Ready? There you go. Alright, hope you had a good time. Enjoy the rest of your day on the Cribs. So I've been following so many prison talks. The accounts have been coming up and up and up. And I followed them immediately.

And of course they disappear quite quickly. So it's a hot commodity when I get my hands on a prison talk. It's really exciting. It is. And I have to say the phenomenon I've been finding is a lot of bragging about their Cribs. So one guy will show you how many bags of Fritos he has. Clean and neat. Clean.

And also how fit they are. Check out how yoked I am, dog. Yeah, it's really fascinating. 500 push-ups a day, dog. Never miss a day. And I have to say I give them mad props because their diets are not great. No. But they are still in such good shape.

They look good, I'm saying. But I know I imagine the food is terrible in prison. It's gotta be terrible and you gotta be dedicated to that. You know that's a good way to motivate yourself to get in shape, I think, is to go to prison. Yeah. Like if you're looking for a place where you can just focus on your physique, I think it's prison. And I think you should run on this platform.

That's another thing. I'm gonna get fat people to go to prison. If you vote for me, I'll send every fat ass you know to prison. Get you in shape, homie. Dog, you're gonna come back in such good shape. You're gonna get ripped full. You and Joker are gonna come back all fucking shredded, dog. Prince Charles and Camilla struggle to hold back laughter while listening to a traditional

performance in Canada. So this is real. So what they're doing, it's an Inuit thing. Yeah, it's a tribal person thing that they called in Canada. First nation. First nation, sorry. Yeah. So these two have been on TikTok, just the two of them.

I've seen them before, and they do this breathing thing where one goes, and the other one breathes in, they breathe rhythmically together. And apparently, Camilla Parker bowels. Bowels. And Prince Charles were laughing during this native performance. Indigenous people performance. And they were very disappointed by it. And I thought it was hilarious because I'm like, uh-huh, that's exactly what we would

be doing. Yeah. Prince Charles and Camilla struggle to hold back laughter while listening to a traditional performance in Canada. Yeah. It's ridiculous because it does sound funny. You're gonna get upset by that? It does sound funny.

Somebody for sure is like, I was disrespected as they laughed during my breathing song. Okay. Yeah. It does sound funny. Like, I understand this is a traditional. It sounds like staying alive. Stay alive. Stay alive.

Stay alive. Stay alive. Stay alive. Hey, that's cultural appropriation, Tom. It is. That guy was just doing that. See, a great question to ask all of you. Does your dog ever act like a not head like my dog does at times?

If yes, raise your hand. He's just putting out a fun topic, Tom. What was the question? Does your dog ever act like a nut bag like my dog does? Raise your hand. Duh. Yeah. He's just trying to relate to the ladies, Tom.

I like his approach better than the Queen's above 18. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Well, this was a lot of fun. Thank you. I had a lot of fun with you today. Me too.

You're the one for me, Rudy. Rudy. I love you. I love you too. Thank you guys for listening. Our closing song is, You're Fired by Alex B. Enjoy it and we'll see you. Don't forget to go to ymhstudios.com. My jeans above 18.

You're fired, buddy. You know, you're talking to your manager ruined your fucking life. Okay. What's in here? What do you guys do? How do you get a job here in that fuck face? You don't have nothing for me, buddy. Oh, you don't have no authority over me, bitch.

Enjoy your life on the unemployment line now, okay? You didn't fault Proto, but you're done. What's your name anyways? Peterson Connell. You didn't fault Proto, but you're done. You don't have nothing for me, buddy. Take it easy, fuck it. You didn't fault Proto, but you're done.

You know what you're talking to? Peterson Connell. God, God, that retard. You didn't fault Proto, but you're done. Take it easy, fuck it. You act like a manager ruined your fucking life. Oh, you don't have no authority over me, bitch. God, God, that retard.

You didn't fault Proto, but you're done. You know what you're talking to? Put your name in theates, Peterson Connell. God, God, that retard. You didn't fault Proto, but you're done. God, God, that retard. You know what you're talking to? You know what you're talking to?

You know what you're talking to? You know what you're talking to? Put your name in theates, Peterson Connell. You didn't fault Proto, but you're done. You know what you're talking to? Put your name in theates, Peterson Connell. What's up there, Joe Moe? What's up?

What's up there, Joe Moe? But he just lost his life. What's up there, Joe Moe? What's up? What's up, Tommy Turner? You know what you're talking to? What's up there, Joe Moe? What's up?

What's up there, Joe Moe? But you know what you're talking to? What's up there, Joe Moe? What's up? What's up there, Joe Moe? What's up there, Joe Moe? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up there, Joe Moe?

Well, you know what you're talking to? You know what you're talking to? You know what you're talking to? What's up there, Joe Moe? What's up there, Joe Moe? Yeah, you know what you're talking to? What's up there, Joe Moe? What's up there, Joe Moe?

What's up there, Joe Moe?