Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 583 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: December 23, 2020

Become a paid channel member of YMH to experience an AD-FREE version of the show here : https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYIgiXwJck_Pb5Nj-wIrsqg/join SPONSORS: - Go to https://Saatva.com/theshit to save $225 on your order - Go to https://Brooklinen.com and use code MOM for 10% off your first order. - Go to https://Talkspace.com or download the app, and use the code YOURMOM to get $100 off your first month! - When you purchase a three month subscription, https://Babbel.com will give you 3 additional months for FREE with Promo Code "MOM - Go to https://Truff.com and use code "MOM" for 10% off your order site-wide. - Go to https://ButcherBox.com/MOM and get 6 steaks for free in your first box - Go to https://SoloStove.com and get $10 off when you use promo code "mom" at checkout. - Go to https://ForHims.com/mom and get your first visit absolutely free PULL YOUR JEANS UP! Tom Segura is out of the studio for this episode, but Zooms in to chat with Christina P about his injury, peeing in jars, and CP's dental accident. They watch recent videos from TikTok all-star The King, as well as a helicopter "horrible or hilarious" video. They also answer listener-submitted "Ask Mommy Anything" questions. Nadav joins Christina on the couch to discuss personal hygiene, leg injuries, The Crown, and more! Zollo joins her to watch TikToks, discuss Pazsitzky Effects, and settle an ongoing studio argument.

Mean have you showed people what your arm looks like right now? Have you put that on Instagram? I don't know if you want to yet or what just right now, you know Right now right now See how the podcast keeps going Let's stop down, you know. Oh Welcome to YMH my jeans above 18 my vegan vaginas We are here on the trans canada highway I am only one mommy with one gene as you can see my the genes of my life

Though the the the the loins of my fire my loins. He is still he's in the And a recovery center right now and will be joining us shortly after he's done doing his PT physical Therapy and OT which is I don't know overtime is what they do right you bill it Anyways, we're gonna catch up on some YMH stuff. Nadav is here with me on the couch. Thank you for joining gene We are here we're queer I'm non-binary and it's been a while I don't know when did when did the accident happen now? It's been December 1st We've had I mean this is being recorded on December 14th. So it's been 14 straight days of craziness It's wild right? It's what you know because it's already so crazy all the things that happen here and like oh

We could do this and oh now now we can't do this and yeah I mean with this so with with this injury is pretty wild all the things that we're able to do So now instead of Tom being right next to you We're gonna have him zoom in a little bit later as soon as he's done with physical therapy because that's the show So yeah, Tom is at a recovery place and we're gonna prop him up with pillows and we set him up on zoom And he'll be able to watch clips and chime in on this stuff But you know it's Tom's on a lot of drugs right now guys He sure is but but I'll tell you what I have done tech checks for zoom with the entire cigar family so far

There's been Maria Char. Oh, I'm dog Tom Best tech check we've ever done of course in and out. He was so breezy. He knew everything. Oh this button I know what you're talking about. Of course. Well, this husband's the best. That's why I made babies with him he's a champ and he's a goddamn fighter and You know, it's been an it's been a nutty two weeks. I'm not gonna lie I did by the time this airs they will have seen the episode I did with a Burt for two bears Right and cameras rolled and I just started crying immediately because I hadn't seen Burt Since the accident happened and it was so emotional to go through it. I mean right. I mean how have you guys been?

I haven't even talked to you really. Yeah, I mean like even just seeing both of you to talk about I'm like this guy this traumatized Both of you guys equally Not as much as the guy in the hospital But like Bert like Bert got like I remember I remember getting the phone call when it happened and It's like I know that they're filming this happened on December 1st And I get a phone call like first I get a text from Lindsay being like hey guys this thing that we had an argument on Now's the time to like place bets on whether or not someone could do it or not And I was like oh place and bets on this place and bets on that and then I didn't hear anything for about an hour

and then Burt calls me and I'm like, okay. This is probably for camera like oh, what's up Burt? He's like Tom broke half his body. He broke his leg in his arm and yeah, buddy. We got a rescheduled two bears tomorrow I'm like, uh-huh. Okay, buddy. Yeah, I still think it's a bit Yeah, and I had to ask two or three times before he's like no no no legit the shoot's not happening tomorrow Like this is getting called off and we need to figure some stuff out See I didn't realize that you got the lead up to what was happening like I didn't I was just putting down the babies I was alone with the kids. It's the evening. I knew they were shooting something together

And I I see that Bert is calling and immediately I go Oh, he wants me to chime in on some horseshit like right hush Tom said that you're giving him blowjobs away. Leanne gives me blowjobs. I want to see you You know and I was like I'm not answering this horse shit I thought it was an on-camera phone. Yeah And then of course I go to take a pee and I'm holding my phone and then Tom calls in just as I'm peeing and I thank God I was on the toilet for some reason because it was like oddly soothing that I was doing something else at the same time like Oh, I'm pissing. I'm and he's like babe. Everything's okay

I'm in an ambulance like those two sentences do not go together I Can I imagine how? Terrified you yeah, that you went from like I'm not dealing with their bullshit to immediately. Yeah ambulance talk Well, because I wasn't sure well, they'll talk about it all on two bears live right on New Year's Eve You guys will get to hear the full story and you'll get to see because we were they were filming So the injury is going to premiere on two bears live on YMH studios Com slash live stream get your tickets now great

That's the stupidest part of all of this is my husband is broken in half and you guys like all but the footage is awesome They're gonna love seeing this. I'm like, are you kidding me? But I guess like you have to turn tragedy into comedy, which is what we've done here at YMH, you know you We got fired from McDonald's. We lost two and a half million dollars. We turn around. We fucking made it into comedy gold And you know, it's funny Morton's fire The person who put up The first YMH live fires we came back and this is how we prevail at YMH studios We turn tragedies into fucking you try and fire us. We just get fired up

You know what I'll tell you what man because people are like Christina. How are you doing? You're gonna be okay? I'm like, you know what you know what 2020's been such a cock-sock. Yeah And I am strong Eastern European woman. This shit does not fucking phase me. Okay. I take care of everything You see I'm here now. I take care of fucking everything. Fuck you. Okay, so let's get to it though before Tommy gets here Hmm. Oh, yeah, we should probably open the show. Oh Tom usually does that I Know I never get to open the show Tom. Oh, that's his responsibility Historically Tom has always had the laptop

Okay, so I get to fucking say it. Let's go ahead and get into the show if your money say hell, yeah Oh Oh It's just not the same without him though I know it's weird like it felt like I didn't want to air guitar. I'm like, that's not my thing That's not your thing. You can't do it without time even doing the meows felt weird to me. No, it's two mommies one jeans Anyways, it has been weird without him in the house now for the last two weeks. I'll tell you that I've been sleeping really well

I mean not in the beginning because I was traumatized But now like I I fall asleep and I'm not listening to sounds of people being murdered or like drug cartel Shows, so what are you feeling that void with well? I've been watching the crown And like really gained down on it So the crown oh my god, Queens gambit. I mean yeah, so I mean Female empowerment all the way shows are is your murder I guess so I think there's something I like about royalty But the crab you have you watched the crown? I know you're a boy I tried watching an episode of it. I'm like good

The first episode is not so good, and then it gets way better confirmed But I like because it's the pilot. I know it's supposed to really suck But I'll tell you what I do enjoy is I can watch the gay shit now without any judgment Like I'm doing below decks. I'm doing all the Bravo. I'm watching all the Hallmark Channel I think that's bad for you. You think so. Yeah, so you go anyone going unchecked is bad for that And I think that's what you're missing right now. I know I don't have anybody there to tell me how ridiculous that is right Don't watch below deck your you have a functioning. I know but I need him there But I've been yeah, I go to bed at like nine, which has been nice, too

Yeah, and also I have a very important dental update for the audience I know this is very important in the YMH world if we could go ahead and get the music. Thank you Yes breaking news you guys So in the midst of all this drama some of you may have seen on my Instagram account at the Christina P that so I'm in the hospital with Tom and It's the day he's going to check out and go to this recovery center and of course Ordered us a beautiful sushi lunch very expensive one I was like, you know, we should treat ourselves right today Tom and I'm biting into a perfect spicy tuna hand roll like a

Beautiful one and you know when you can hear your teeth breaking in your head. You ever have like a feeling. Oh, you've never I've never had You can like you feel it in your skull when your your veneer lifts Like the glue was coming out off and I could feel it and I was like like I immediately felt it moving And that was fine. And then I took another bite And I was like Tom and I looked up and this is what I look like and Tom was like, oh, it's off. You know, it's crazy. It's horrible It's not as shaved down as I thought it was underneath the boy. Can you zoom in on that solo it? It's way yellower than the rest. Yeah, it looks like a corn a piece of corn

See, I don't think you look bad if all of your mouth looked like that little one. What are you talking about? I think that look be a pretty cool. Look. I think a lot of rappers are doing that They're just actually I am seeing that some body mod modification where they're just sharpening all their teeth Yeah, I've seen that too. And it's just like they just look like like Pixar sharks like they look great You think I should do that Rebrand of grade 2020 I know so I had to get my tooth glued back in Thankfully the doctor agreed to do it right away And then I went back to the hospital and helped Tom get out of that it was it was wild. What a way what a way

What a way to end 2020? I mean, there's still at this point. There's still two weeks left Yeah, a whole bunch left could still I know it's such a bummer I mean, I've been kind of waiting for this to happen my whole life with veneers for the veneer to pop out because I've heard stories Yeah, yeah, her story went to the Steve Harvey was somewhere on the road And he bit into a chicken wing and it popped off and he got on a plane immediately and went home to have a fix Like this is my worst nightmare is that I'm in some small town. Oh, yeah getting your Steve Harvey's all fuck Yeah, when Steve Harvey gets a Steve Harvey's fuck You can't do that but that's what I'm saying like what what would I have done

I mean I I shoved the tooth right back in when it happened and believe it or not It stayed in on its own pretty well like I could I couldn't really talk But I don't know man. What I mean, what's your worst fear? Is it is it knocking at a tooth? Is it falling down and cracking your head open? My I mean my worst fear is another knee injury because that's the type of like I know that pain very well like So much where like I can't watch people jump another one. What when did it happen? I had a freak trampoline accident. What? Yeah, when? when I was I think

23-24 oh my god, and I tore my meniscus and ACL and I had it like a cadaver ACL put in my knee and It was a whole thing So now I can't watch people jump on trampolines without like wincing every time they jump and when I have to like drop from a ledge Where it's like, oh, yeah Hey, just drop this like one foot like jump from this thing to like one foot distance like that scares the shit out of me I'm like, I'm gonna fucking fuck it up again. I tell you those trampolines are just death toys They really are so fucking dangerous. I'm never getting one for my kids. No way But actually, you know what reminds me and seeing your veneer pop out is my own dental update

You have one. I I have a lack of one Well, I mean the last time I was gonna take I was gonna take care of my and I was gonna do the whole fucking thing I was gonna do a full teeth. Tell me tell me what you're gonna do first Well, when's the last time okay before this appointment when's the last time you had your teeth looked at x-rays the full Ever in your life. You're you're a 30 year old now X-rays. Oh my god, seriously. I mean, I probably had some baby teeth Probably wouldn't when I got my last x-ray in I mean, that's kid shit though. Okay. Okay dental x-rays is kid shit No, it's not I'm an adult right. Well, you do that. You're supposed to do that every like when the dynasty's fit

Maybe every year Wait, what you supposed to get x-rays every year. Well, you're supposed to get cleanings every year every six months You're supposed to get Okay, so see but they say I have really good salivary glands that that's disgusting No, no, no because it adds a layer protect They're like what the fuck are you even talking like all your teeth should have fallen out But you salivate so much that it kind of protects it a little bit Wow You are you're making so many girls wet right now with this kind of stuff as wet as my mouth

But but here's actually what's crazy here's what's crazy So I like the last time I went to the dentist Was cuz I went to I think a really shitty Chinese buffet and I got one of those saltwater eel rolls I fucking love those and they didn't debone it so I had a bone go straight into a gum and like Like like one of those tiny bones that are like kind of malleable Yeah, and it stayed there for like a day and I'm like it's starting to feel hot It feels hot in my mouth right now like that means infection, right?

It does and so I thought was the last time I had it cleaned and that was maybe three years ago And I was like it's too long my my teeth are gross my teeth are you know off not they're not white No, so I was going to I finally was proud of myself. I took care of it I'm like I'm scheduling a full teeth cleaning. I'm scheduling a two-part tooth whitening. Hey good for you Yeah, and then and then coronavirus happening guys kept on changing the schedule on now when we did that doctor Alexis Fox coming in okay to do that special one and ever since then it's just been like well This is what happens when I try and take care of myself I'm not doing that. This is ridiculous. You need to rebook this. Let's

Yeah, I've been saying that for like a year since I know we've been doing that But it's like all this crazy stuff happens. It's like yeah, you know, they're not open on the weekends It's like what am I gonna do fucking wake up at 4 a.m. So I could get there at 6. Tell you what we we will Find a time for you in studio The studio will go dark for a day or five Well, and we're gonna have Lindsay follow you and make it into a documentary well Yeah, because there's no way first of all, how did you even find out that your salad? Salivary glands were overactive because we were all really surprised. I had no cavities and they're like that's why

I'm surprised. You don't have cavities. I'm shocked. I don't have cavities. Yeah, your mouth is disgusting I might I know and my man my numbers like They're getting close to the border where it's just like well What's the good is it good to have a one or is it good to have a four? What are you talking about when they check your guys when they stab your shit? And they're like, yeah, well is the low number bad or is the high number bad? The high number is bad because it means you're in gum disease. So like four four is red alert five is like right You're you're gonna die. So look, I don't have ones. I'll tell you that. No, no not in that mouth

Yeah, not in this mouth. I think I might have one or two twos mostly threes Oh, you're so gross. So lucky and lucky and I got a wet mouth You're so beautiful wet man Just want to suck it dry. It's a holy shit. Yeah, so so this is so gnarly and you smoke cigarettes. Yeah, that mouth is And I drink I like I use coffee as a meal replacement sometimes too. So it's like everything. I'm doing to my yeah I'm doing the opposite. I'm Blackening my teeth. Oh, yeah, cough caffeinating my teeth. Oh and your breath must I haven't smelled it But I imagine it's just I mean once I put the mask on it's a smell you're just like this is what it's been like

It's not it's not that bad like I've never gotten any complaints I have straight-up asked like ladies that I have you have I'm just like hey is this fucked up You're fine. You're fine. I will say that when I smoked cigarettes Mm-hmm. I actually enjoyed the smell of another person's cigarette breath Oh, but here's I liked it But here's the thing though like I'm super conscious about not having anyone absorb that second-hand taste from my mouth So if I'm hanging out with anyone like if I'm going on a date, I look just like don't smoke that day. Oh, wow Yeah, that's really that's a lot of restraint. Yeah, and what's your other body regimens?

Like do you are you showering every day and stuff? If I'm coming into work. Yeah, if you're coming into Thank you. I appreciate it. Yeah, and then what's your weekend? Like is it just off the rails? Are you not brushing? It's just I just hit the off button Until Monday morning and then I turn the on button back on and I take care of myself again So by that you mean are so you wake up and it's no teeth rush. It's straight to coffee. Yeah, okay Yeah, straight to coffee sometimes food straight to food straight to food and you haven't brushed yet, right? Okay, and then it's on and then what you watched you're watching TV. Are you playing video games? To tell you the truth. It's all kind of a blurks. I've been in the stock game

So I'm like trying to like pick up on all these all this stock info from all these gambling addicts online You're stock you're buying stock. I'm big in the stocks. I'm big in the stocks. I'll look at you Yeah, cuz I suck at gambling. Oh my god, that totally reminds me Sorry, yeah, that that when you're like, I'm in the stocks. I'm like that's so jewey of you Yeah, and we were sitting around having a great lunch time. I'm sorry to cut you off I just imagine it's disgusting and like I get it It is you just probably don't wash your cock and balls or your asshole for two days, right? Here's the thing and then you shit a lot if someone else is coming in to encounter it. It's getting clean, right?

Yeah, but if you're alone, it's like I'm gonna suck myself Christina I don't need to make my dick nice Did you hear that any guys cut all this out I'm not gonna suck myself Wow any I believe that you're hygienic even if there's no girl present is that accurate Yeah, man, that's that shit cakes up, bro. You don't let it you let it sit for two days That's that's why they talk about that white people smell that's what that's from homie. That's right That's white people smell Christina. You smell like that too. Don't get too excited. I smell like that too every white person smells

No, any you've smelled me No, no, no, you don't smell like that and actually wait, but I do smell like white people. Yeah, I don't why haven't smelled you wet yet That's it. We haven't gone to a pool yet when we go to the pool. Trust me. I'm gonna smell you real close and I'll let you know That's my good. Yeah, I definitely I look at my son. Is there a juice now? Just do you smell any? You just white people or just blanket just just why people you But so I had this we were discussing it. We have these great lunchtime discussions. What's up? I'm getting the text from Tom saying

He's getting it. Okay. Let's let's bring him in. Let's get him in Tom wants to come in. How are we gonna do this guys? He's just gonna pop up on the side. Let's stop down real quick. Okay. Here he comes. We'll get him in here He comes you come you come Mike Mark OMG jeans the moment is finally here my beloved Your mommy the two mommies that make up one jeans Tom Segura is finally with us via zoom I'm here. I'm here. It's not gonna get hard till I'm ready to come so I Yeah, I'm joining you from the recovery center that I'm at

One of the things that's been so hilarious. I'm very happy to be podcasting by the way Oh, we missed you. It's not the same without you Jean the number of people that have been like hey So what really happened? What and they're like this didn't happen during basketball and I'm like, yeah, dude, and they're like come on What did you really do? I'm like you think my cover story is just basketball like I like that's what I would That's what I would make up because I'm ashamed of what really happened if I happen playing basketball Well, I think people don't believe you because the extent of the damage done It's it's freakish. It's gnarly. It's gnarly damage. I just did PT. I just wrapped up about 30 minutes ago

I do it six days a week and my Physical therapist was like she's like this is probably One of the gnarliest injuries I've seen in a while really. Yeah. Oh my god. That's terrible So are we allowed to say what the prognosis is like how long before you'll be? Well, I mean some of it just takes time to heal. I think the first time I'll be in Studio will be for the New Year's Eve live show great, but yeah, that'll be the first time that I walk in the building And then I should be able to go in. I don't know if like I'll have to I Might have to sit on like the guest couch to do your mom's house for like a couple weeks or something

Oh my god. Well because of my left my left. I'd like to say what the damage is, right? I mean, that's not if you want to So I tore my left patella tendon So they had to reattach it and that's a that's um It's something that they tell you they go you have to generate tremendous force to do it and I was like well, I'm pretty strong So there's that and then like I'm an athlete the Snapped my left humorous because the upper arm and half Will you be showing and then I also have a

Radial nerve damage not damage. It's I shouldn't say it's not damaged. It's not severed It's just like traumatized by the injury. So it just takes a while to For it to kind of kick back on so right now you have limited Hand abilities what you're saying? I have limited mobility I have limited mobility for like I'm gonna have to walk with assistants like I don't need a person I see an apparatus now. How will you masturbate? Everybody's wondering the first thing the surgeon so the surgeon came in and he goes What hand do you jack off it and I go what?

And he goes this is the most important thing every patient and I go um I Go, you know, I'm ambidextrous, but like I prefer my right and he goes Oh Okay, good Yeah, well, that's that is I'm so glad to hear that so you will be able and have you been masturbating a lot since the accident Not one time. Oh, I gotta tell you these balls are full They're ready to go. Yeah. Well, you haven't exactly been horny. I mean, it's oh, I wonder why I don't I don't know why Yeah, by the way, I'm not gonna get into it cuz we're gonna show it on the New Year's show

I just want you guys to know Burt sucks He is Terrible, yeah, so don't be misled by any of his comments or posts or jokes. He fucking Sucks, I love him But he sucks. Yeah Is he he's the worst basketball players have been around a long time and what is he go? I didn't I didn't read his tweets. He's going around saying that he's amazing or something

He He had the fucking audacity to say that he he's like, I'm to know I want he is such garb listen I'm immobile right now. I could beat him one-on-one right now. Oh, wow That's how bad that's quite a claim Tom. Well, what's that blue fluid you're drinking now? This what is that it's come from the North Pole Now and his elves sent it down You also since the accident happened We've come a long way with your ability to pee into containers since you've pretty much been bedridden

The thing all you do I have for it. I'm a little more mobile now all you do Is lay down You know like now I'm moving and all you do is like drink water, you know, sometimes Gatorade I introduced coffee a couple days ago, but So all day you have to piss. I mean all day I've had I've had the nurses here. They're like you're like a peeing machine And I'm like, yeah, I'm drinking fucking two gallons of fluid a day. Yeah, and so yeah, you just have these You know, these are everywhere

Yeah, show us your pee your piss balls these bad boys and you just You just whip your dick out and piss And I gotta tell you I'm in I'm not stopping this once What are you saying that you will continue to piss into plastic containers at home? Do you know how annoying it is when we're doing the show right there to be like I gotta get up and go to the bathroom? Yeah, I'm gonna do it right there at the seat I've also I've lost

All sense of modesty every nurse every staffer has seen my dick my balls they've seen Touched fingered and wiped my asshole. That's crazy. Like I don't I don't even I just I'm like, oh, yeah This is what this is what God gave me and I just everybody sees it Well, Anna, I was a little upset in the beginning when I saw the nurses at this facility because they are all stunning and I specifically Here's the thing. Well, I requested ugly nurses when I checked you in there I said yes, he can come here, but I want the least attractive people helping my husband and they didn't do that They're all hot Russian babes. They're all babes some some funny things have happened with my dick. So

So I'm at the hospital, right? I'm in the hospital They they give I I'm there on a Wednesday. They're doing surgery Friday and Like I remember Saturday. I was like Hey, how come my dick's not small like usually when I'm in like medical situations My dick will like creep up inside of me and I'll be like, where's my dick? I'm sitting there like pulling and holding on to it sticking it in the urinal and every time I reach down It's kind of like it's not hard. It's just like fluffy and full and I'm like, hmm. What's going on? You know So anyways that I come over here and my dick has been more like

You know, like checking out the situation And if he's going a little more like like a little more retracting So Now it's it's back to what I am used to in medical situations, which is like you're like, hey man Like we're about to do something could you show up like wake up a little bit because it's been like really But why did he retract you think when you I?

think the reason it was full and fluffy was because of all the heroin I was on and I Would like to ask any Opiate addicts if their dicks are nice and full listen to the show Yeah, so you're saying me because you've been on a just a huge I was on so many drugs and now I'm not now I I'm not on dilauded. I'm not on oxy. I'm on these fucking Just bullshit pain and then they're like you're getting Tylenol in a couple. I'm like great

So but the pain is also a lot less than it was, you know Mm-hmm. So wait, but the so the the the heavy stuff made your dick fluffier and harder and this is my theory Yeah, but then here's here's the okay, but what about the hot nurses to is that helping? No, no the the prettier people are here. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, this is where it's smaller. Oh Got you. Okay. Sorry. I'm just fucking Carlos washing my dick at the hospital. So The first time I go to shit here, oh my god, this is what I'm in I'm still in severe pain And I'm using this walker and like I'm three-quarters of the way there And they have to get a wheelchair because my tricep starts cramping and

I'm like, oh my god I don't want it to like cramp so hard because you know, when you really cramp you can kind of overreact And I fall I don't want to fall. So I always get the chair put me in a chair that wheeled me a few more feet. I Get back up. They had put a commode With handles over the toilet and this is so you don't have to sit all the way down the toilet The commode seat is for like a normal sized person Like let's just say a hundred and sixty pound male or something. I don't know So when you're a man and you sit on a toilet your junk sits inside the seat, right?

This seat is so small That it's not even an option. My junk is outside of it but when you're seated you're seated and like your Your butts down and your junk's up your dick will naturally just start sinking to your body So I look like that guy from the live show. Remember the big fat guy that ran You just saw his balls. So my dick is now inside my body, right? Because I'm because I'm seated in such a way That my dick has nowhere to go and one of the nurses one of your nurses that you're so

Impressed with looks over and I see her look at my junk and she goes. Oh my god, like she reacts. She's like, oh Like that like she's like, I've never seen someone without a penis before So then I have to hold a urinal over my dick Because when you shit and and the other day when I went to do that, I couldn't find the urinal So I just pissed into my hand and pissed all over the place In my hand, but just it just went everywhere And

So I got done shitting I Was able to I was able to wipe my ass like I scoot I couldn't wet my ass for like 10 days Oh my god, that's horrible. I was able to wipe my ass and the nurses like is everything good. I was like There's P everywhere. She's like what I go. I couldn't I've peed in my hand And they're just like it's okay like it's okay It's just we'll just get you back to bed And then I go well here's the thing I tried to clean up because there's I just pissed all over the place and I get back here and

I Pissed someone on my shorts. I take my shorts off. So now I'm naked and the nurse is like well Let me clean you and she's like there's little pieces of paper all over your genitals I'm like, yeah, I tried to clean the pee up and she's like here. Let me get that for you. She takes a rag Like has to clean. Yeah, it was pretty hot. I was real turned on And she was turned on she was like this is fucking hot man Well, you've also because of the crazy amount of opiates you've been on have had trouble browning So they were packing you full I

Know and that was a nightmare This is day three of taking a natural shit. Thank you God At first you don't understand I was getting I Was getting the good shit like on the hour They were like are you in pen? I was like yep ten full ten hot most most pain I've ever felt and they were just be like Give them another jab. Well jabbing me in the arm fucking pill after pill Delaudin is what they were giving him when I was Lauded I lauded. I don't know how to fucking say and I was going to visit you

I don't know if you remember this. Well, I told what by the way, I told one of the nurses I was like What do you have this stronger and they're like nothing? Well, I remember when I was in the hospital with you We were chatting about the kids or whatever and you would be like how's Ellis and then they'd give you the Delotted and then you just nod off And then you'd come back like so anyway, how's Ellis doing is he okay? Like you would continue the conversation that we had five minutes. It was it was a lot. Yeah, it was a lot. It was a lot

He um Yeah, so you can't shit For those narcotics really, you know, they stop you up so the first time I Got injured on a Tuesday So I didn't shit Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday And then I was like, hey, I'm getting worried cuz I heard like Stories by people that don't go like for you know, long time like any other people

so I Got I got nervous So they're like they're giving me pills. Nothing's working. So like we're gonna give you a suppository and I was like, okay So I they get me to stand up bend over Put it in there and they're like, you know, they're like let it sit there for a while to work Dude, I sat there for like, I don't know 30 45 minutes an hour I was like, when does it work and they're like, it's not working

And I finally went It was such a disaster I mean, it was just you know, it looked like you know those like those videos that I think Duncan brought where the guy's swimming in sewage Yeah, the sewage is coming over him. Yeah, that's what was coming. It wasn't like turds. It was just like a sewage line opened Yeah It was so bad. It was so well I was there for one of those dumps and the smell was horrific It's pretty nice. It's smelled and I didn't want to say anything at the time

But it really did smell like a sewer. You're right. It was. Oh, yeah One of the nurses was like, hey, thank God. We have to wear these COVID masks I was like, yeah, lucky you So then I then there was a second time I'm here twice here twice here nurses Had to put suppositories in the and they put their fingers all the way up your Yeah Wow, so that really breaks down that hot stuff, huh?

I mean breaks down the hot stuff and it also makes you go fuck these pain pills. I just want to shit again. Yeah Yeah Yeah, wow, I mean you've been through so much in the last two weeks and we're still I mean thankfully Where there's some light at the end of this tunnel now all his life broke all his life. I just love to play ball That's what athletes that's what happened to athletes Anyway, we have all these pros and I'm like I get it dog. Yeah, we get it. I Don't want to see the video of you falling Lindsay tried to show it to the cool thing about the video Here's the cool thing. Have you seen it? You watched it? Yes. Yeah. Yeah, a few times

It's really rare that somebody has video themselves getting hurt. What's more rare is that you have multiple angles My shit is like ESPN I see it from this angle Is that weird for you, I mean, what does it feel like to yeah, it's kind of weird, but I also remember everything so so Specifically that when I see it, I'm like, oh, yeah, like I remember I remember I remember every detail, you know So yeah, it's just it was just it was it's the one thing I can just tell you is that it is a Freak accident, you know, yes, most definitely And it wasn't from fucking Bart being good at basketball. It wasn't from him being good at back. No, that dude is trash Okay, well, I'm glad about about that Tom

But I'm glad that you're recovering and I miss you something else though. Yeah, some shit on his basketball. Yeah, oh Let me just tell you though. Yeah, I love I love that guy. He's the best guy Yes, and and when this all happened, I have to give the Christchers the utmost credit the best. They're the best So helpful, I mean Bert and Leanne are angels. I love them to death first the best friend in the world you're the best you're the best wife I could ever ask for and You know the Yeah, when you have something like this happen, you really I Mean you appreciate a whole bunch of things, you know, like in your life

But like I'm so grateful to the medical medical community like Those first responders that the paramedics the nurses the doctors. They're just they're unbelievable. They're unbelievable Such kind people we were just talking about this yesterday that yeah, and now the PT people. Oh my god. They're like angels They're just amazing. I mean, these are people that just want to help you people who go into nursing into medicine and stuff They're not like us where we just want to horrify people and yeah, especially you you like to ruin people's day That gives you the joy. I'll give you a little I'll give you a little teaser about the injury though I should I should I told the surgeon I go. I have it on video. He was like what give it on video And I tell him look, you know what we were doing. I go. Yeah, and so he comes to check on me one day in the hospital

I go I got a little something for you, man And I show it to him and he goes oh He goes, I never want to see that again. I'm sure you don't I go wait a minute. You're jumping at that You you're a trauma surgeon. He's like that was terrible I don't want to see that. I mean have you showed people what your arm looks like right now? Have you put that on instagram? I don't know if I have or not. I don't know if you want to yet or what what you just right now, you know He just did that right now right now right now. Yeah

See how the podcast keeps going. It's not like hey, let's stop down, you know That was amazing tommy I am so proud of you right now That was so perfect. I wish I could do this Yeah, I'm just gonna have to wear a diaper. I guess Um, well, I also yeah, but but but but I want to emphasize again Bert I mean, I'll get into it more, you know when I'm back doing two bears in the live show

Absolutely greatest Lindsay Who works with us now? absolutely Just the greatest guy to help me so much and I just I just really appreciate them and everybody here Thank you guys. I mean, we've all been keeping studio jeans a float and a dog any chris Zolo all these dudes. Uh, it's just been a collective effort to keep the ship moving But yeah, do you feel like do you feel like you guys were the bulls and jordan has decided to go play baseball for like a season or something? But yeah, it was great to have the chrisher's over at the house the first night when things were going down because I was just out of my head

I couldn't even believe what had happened and I was not equipped emotionally. So thank god for those two, man yeah, um, but in um I've had my own interesting developments too. Um, I had a recent dental tragedy, which we discussed earlier The funniest is the setting in which it happened in the hospital. You mean? was just that like You're my wife your husband's had this traumatic freak thing happen You're just like I'm coming to check on you. You're spending time with me You brought me. I don't know something to eat or something and sushi. We ordered it from the best

Fucking LA and I'm like, you know, I just had surgery. I'm going to a rehab center And you're just like we'll get through this babe. And then you're like did my tooth just break? I'm like what? And then and then I check and I'm like, no, you're fine. Like oh and then a Second lady, you're like, are you sure and I see a black gap and I was like, um Yeah, man this week is really Not so horrible I was really at my wits on that day. I would say I was stretched to the max

I don't think there's anything more stressful than a tooth falling out of your head and your husband being in pieces and Yeah, that was terrible and I'm mad that I didn't get to finish that lunch Because I'll tell you what I did. I wait. Oh my god Yeah, yeah, that's that those are the stitches. It can you can you show them the underbelly? Can you underarm if it doesn't hurt? Yeah guys And this is recovered a little bit. I mean a little bit. This is a lot recovered. Yeah Yeah, it's pretty horrible. I broke it on the first december 1st and we're recording this

On the 14th. So it's two weeks Yeah This month can't go by fast enough Yeah But um, also I had another interesting thing happen just to lighten Everybody's mood. I know so many of you listening Were deeply engrossed in my cream of wheat story and how I ate cream of wheat and then shortly Had explosive diarrhea after and a lot of you thought that it was the fact that it was a warm bowl of cream of wheat

This is an interesting story. Thank you. I mean, I know your story is cool, but I've got a good one too Yeah, yeah, no, please keep going. Yeah. Yeah. So the other day, um, juju Hey, he had a bowl of cream of wheat. He had he let it didn't finish it. It was cold and I thought oh, maybe it is the temperature Let me you went Aha You had a breakthrough thought. I had a scientific experimental breakthrough thought and I yeah So I ate the cream of wheat cold and I thought surely surely this won't affect me and then guess what Tom half hour later

Explosive diarrhea. What is going on? I don't know I don't know I don't know I mean, I guess cream of wheat just gives me diarrhea So if I'm ever in the situation you are in where I'm taking opiates for a week straight and I can't shit Give me a bowl of cream of wheat That's a good theory You might you might want to try it

I actually had one time I during this whole ordeal. I was sitting bed and I was like, thank god this happened to me I was like if this had happened to my wife Or one of my kids. Oh my god I was like, oh man. Thank god it happened to me. Wait. What would you be sad if if I was hurt? Well, yeah, but I also don't think that you would you know Handle it as well I What what part I don't know you're talking about all of it

Yeah, well, I can I say I can deal with a lot of pain. Okay. I've had two children come out of me I've been pregnant. I'm gonna break your fucking arm when I get home and you tell me what hurts worse. Okay But I I will say not not the front the the humerus the big arm. Yeah I will say that the worst part from as an outsider of this whole debacle for you Seriously, and I'm being 100 serious the thing that gives me the most anxiety Would be having to take a shit the way you did the other day and you couldn't get out of bed And there and then the nurses were like, can you go in the bed pan? I'm like, no He hasn't shit the bed since he was two you can't make an adult shit in their bed. It's so to me

That part gives me anxiety. I just like I go no just knowing where I was and we tried They put it in there and I was like It's just not happening man horrible That part gives me the most I have the I have the double whammy because it's both on the left side So that was I had this fucking guy at the hospital. A lot of people were great. This one guy was like They had given me and I was like, oh, I'm gonna go. Oh, he's like, all right, cool Like here's the wipes and uh, let me know when you're done. I was like, oh, no, no Like you're gonna wipe me

And he was like what and I go I can't wipe myself And he's like He looked at me. He was like, what I go. Yeah, dude. I don't have like at the time I couldn't like lean, you know, like I how am I supposed to lean to the left and I I couldn't reach underneath and like You know, I need you and you're a fucking nurse. So how about you help out and he was like All right Begrudgingly. Yeah. Yeah, I guess so And I gave him I gave him a nasty one too

That's the best part I'm so happy to hear that Well, you're in a lovely facility now and You look so much better than you did a week ago even three days ago, right? And I'm the dog was shaking his head Yeah, you've seen him this whole time. Yeah, man. You sound you sound and look so good And I mean, I remember my biggest thought after hearing about this is Oh, I hope he's gonna stop sending me videos of people dying And Almost immediately tom you sent me quite a helicopter accident

I remember your reaction was like you want this prepped I remember you said you go can we please get out of this lane? Right, which to you responded, uh, this isn't for the show. This is just for you, man And then that made me feel good. And then yeah, I was like, it's no I just want you to see I remember just like distinctly. I was like, hey, you know, there's blood mist in this one, too He's like actually there isn't because it's not the propeller blade that's hitting the guy's head It's something else that's getting hit. Look, man, it's not the blade that's doing it Like like that was supposed to ease me. Yeah. Yeah, I was like, I'm not showing you

Somebody's head getting cut off. It was just a high velocity impact that knocked a guy out That dude's dead, man. That dude's dead. He is not dead He is not dead. I have it on Very reliable authority that he is fine something at the speed of a helicopter blade hit him in the head video Should we show this to have it? Let's watch it. Oh, I have to dig. I have to dig. I did it. You told me not to prep it. So I did I love me. I just thought it was when I see

Cool things like that. I send them to you. Well, tom I mean, I think the audience and a lot of emails have come into the effect of the irony here Being that you are the most and you love violent videos and now this has happened Has this changed the love of violence in video the irony has completely been lost to me. I haven't thought about it once It was literally The fur I'm in the ambulance and I was like, oh, they're all gonna be like, this is karma Yeah, no, I know I know and I by the way, I am the I will never discourage people from Mocking it laughing at it and whatever you feel about it. I have zero

Feelings about, you know restricting that like have fun with it It you know, some people won't even be able to tolerate it to be honest I I've I've showed it to a trauma surgeon who was like, I can't watch that Oh, I can I have found the helicopter Lindsay tried to show it to me the night it happened. He was over at our house and I I started crying. I had to stop that might have been a little poor timing on Lindsay's part He's like, do you want to see your husband get fucking almost killed? I'm like, no, that's cool, bro

Okay, a little bit and then I stopped Yeah, that's pretty is this the video the helicopter video. Yeah, so christina Why don't you weigh in on if you think this guy is okay or not? Sure. He can you make it big? Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna I'm blowing it up tom and um You tell me I know it's gonna happen already This guy's an idiot already they're walking So it's funny because he's alive

Or what first of all the name of that video is he's fine Now the second thing is that you can tell that something looks like snow You know snow ice particles are what hit the blade And sent him down and I think he's a hundred percent fine Oh, because I thought his head got hit by the propeller. That's what I thought Oh, yeah, because it because whenever they usually tell you to duck your head down when you're walking No, no, if that propeller had hit you would see his head go flying off

That would have been a better video. Well, I mean, I think the most important takeaway from this video is that it makes tom happy So I think I think it's great that we get that tom could still lie, but You know what makes me happier Are you gonna go out with the king or not? Oh my god, are you going to actually Are you gonna go out or not? I mean, man, can I tell you something tommy? For people listening tom and I have been so and just enthralled with the king This whole week literally every text every morning I wake up and I go good morning my king above 18 And then tom replies. Have you had your hot breakfast?

Are you gonna study for your midterms like we are now in the king's world? We're so enmeshed into it. We're really like you really are hydrating like a mania. Are you okay? That's like the third beverage you've finished. You did the blue drink. You had a purple Straw drink. This is your third beverage. What are you drinking now? Water. Wow, you really are the the hydration champ on this episode. Is that okay? Yeah, I'm just pointing it out. You really are thirsty today No, I'm telling you this is what I do all day. I love it. This is what I do all day. Good for you Okay, here's the king

Man Good evening my kings and queens above 18. This video goes out to christine from your mom's house A lot of your followers would like you to order a shirt And wear a shirt and a hat and have a coffee mug on your show Come on tim Order some merchandise from me go to my web Kings and queens above 18 at gmail.com Leave me what you want

What size of shirt And how many then go to my venmo and ad Shirts are 25 plus $10 shipping and handling The hats are 20 plus shipping and handling $10 And the mugs are 20 plus $10 shipping and handling They want to see christine in one of them shirts Yeah, you have a good day my kings and queens above 18. I love you all It's just simple. All you gotta do is go to his personal email. I gotta say I just gotta say

as somebody in Entertainment and also in a merchandising business. That's a wonderful marketing video. That is like That is top of the line Like if you want to promote something Way to do it Is in your big rig loud it's gotta be on with the engine fucking wailing And

Oh my god, yeah and then Plus shipping and handling and the hats are that and then venmo me add me on venmo Send me the credit card info type in the ad. I mean, it's just all the info is there so much Well, it's it is so the process is not easy for somebody because like first of all you have to email him personally at gmail.com Whatever and then specify what you want the sizes and then find him on venmo, right? I don't have fucking venmo. I gotta set up a venmo account. It's like Bitch, I want the shirt, but you're making it a little hard. What size shirt do you want type it in?

Type that let me know I didn't get the venmo. Just go ahead and give me your credit card info sure So this talk is of the king and what what tom and ii i think both really enjoy about this is the pov style to it Where he's imagining Imagine so close your eyes if you're listening imagine that you're laying in bed You've just had a wild night of love making with the king And or just a great night's sleep, you know, just a great night's sleep

And you're just opening your eyes And you see this Good morning my queens above 18 Come on open them eyes up. I got your breakfast ready Coffee's on breakfast is on Come on You got to go to work

There you go You are so beautiful. Thank you. I just love my queens above 18. You are gorgeous All right I will see you downstairs. Oh Downstairs and you get up and Get yourself together and Come on down I love you my queen above 18

Thank you I got to imagine that we just made so many panties wet across the world I mean look I like the I like that one better than the challenge videos In a way Yeah, when he challenges Yeah Uh, yeah, sure. Sorry guys, and then I got one of these. Yeah

Thanks. Thank you Um in in a few. Yeah, thank you so much. That's really nice of her. That was I think she definitely heard me say Hell yeah, bunch of panties are wet They know you by now you've been saying wild shit all all week dude. They know what's up Yeah, um, but what I was saying is that I I like that pov video because it shows a more tender side to the king and I like that he's He takes it a step further in the talk world like he's acting now. We get to see

Him at his best when he's that Pog pov one Man that had I mean you could go to the tish school of the arts in new york That's right. They would be like this is how you do it because he's like He goes good morning, and then he goes what? Wait, wait do it What

You interrupted him. He's like, hey, yeah Good morning Can you play that one? Yeah, it's on tom's instagram. That's the Wait, but you put the original one of him doing that So the one where I did an impression if you swipe It's it's his and at the 13th second mark. He goes what? It's my favorite Yeah, it's just time to wake up

Come on Yes, you are my queen What How did you sleep? That one is amazing. That's because her mouth is bound and my plans about 18 Which looks so beautiful today Yeah

Get your feet on the ground Take a shower Get you a nice hot breakfast Yeah, I got some coffee going for you Oh What you look beautiful The king loves you Well

Just get up I'll meet you down the stairs You have yourself a wonderful day Good morning. Oh my god. Yeah, what he does gets me. It's the bet. Well the reason he goes what? How did I sleep? It's because she's bound and gagged and she's like What So many people were like I've only listened to your podcast

And this absolutely ruined this for me You have to watch it because they're like that's what a woman that's tied to a radiator seat. Yeah Yeah So I do like that better than The disingenuous patch of like hey, we're gonna have some fun here. I want you to put a challenge It's just a fun challenge. It's a challenge And I think what you and I were discussing this yesterday in the hotel that it bothers us It's funny because it's like it's not a direct thing. It's not he's not saying what he really wants

Right tongue. That guy needs to do is exactly this Hey, how's it going? Yeah, there's nothing I like more than big fucking tits and I like when women show them to me particularly In a t-shirt with no bra If you're game and you want to show me your big old tits Watch you send a message and I don't care what you do if you want to dance or make it funny make it sexy. The whole point is i'm trying to get off here

Okay, yeah Don't not under the guise of like, you know what I love The dance competitions, you know Can you can you tap dance? Make me a video. No, I like tits. That's what I like to say and like the above 18. We look we understand That you're saying it's above 18. That's not what makes it creepy even though 18 year olds are still technically teenagers. So wait, it is them. They are they are nearly infants. Yeah 18 year old is so young to him

It is it is it is it's creepy because It's they're 18 like they're 19 or 20 I want him to make like my my wish is that he goes. Hey, I just scratched all that ship before I just want to be direct with you. I'm trying to fuck Yeah, and And I and my favorite thing are big tits and I would really like you to send me some pictures of them And here's the thing it's going to yield better better results. I agree not this whole thing of Do you got some breakfast open your eyes, sweetie? Like he pretending that he's your boyfriend and your husband

You're getting it's called the bfe, babe. The what the bfe It's the boyfriend experience That's what this is. Yes, of course wait a minute Explain more. I don't I don't understand. He's playing the role of a boyfriend. He's like that's what he's doing Oh, and this is like a whole genre and then like if you're a woman you're watching this you're like God, I wish my boyfriend was And here's the thing that's a perfect segue into

Another video of his I don't know if you have it queued up But he would like to Take somebody out on a date. Yeah This video of your mom's house I watched the show. Thank you I love the show So when are you gonna let me take you out? Let me show you a good time

Treat you like a queen With respect And have a good time. I would never disrespect you my queen Tom You can trust me. I would never disrespect christine in any way You guys have a beautiful day. You know how to get a hold of me Kings and queens above okay. I know gmail.com How about if you guys go on my web page and order a shirt?

I would love for you to wear a shirt christine. I would love that Order a shirt and a hat Kings and queens above 18. I love you all you guys have a good day Especially you my queen christine. Thank you the king loves you. Thank you king Is that a baby crying in the background? I thought I heard it Here's a thing king. I would love to take you up on this date offer Why don't you be more specific? I want to hear what we're gonna do on our date. Where was the queen?

I think that's reasonable. I also think just as a natural precaution You might want to put it out till after the vaccines have been distributed Uh, they're on their way. I don't think I don't think you should go let's rush this date And uh and during this covid surge, you know, that's true Well, let's say this and yeah in a in a covid free world king. Let's say it's you know summer of 2021 Where will we go? Will you take me to the olive garden? I like the salad and and the what if he's like? well, the date begins in my shed and I got a bunch of cool ropes and I want to show you what I can do with him. No, he's a gentleman. He won't do that

No, I know no, I think actually I'll tell you this. Yeah, I think the king would be very nice to have He'd be sweet I think he would too. Yeah, I don't I don't think What he's a great actor. Do you think when you have a good actor? Do you think when you get a role in a movie that you will ask him for coaching? I actually think he would I think he might be able to play natural I think so too like like not act. I think he can do it I think so too and that's a skill set. That's a skill set

So tom I ask the audience to submit their AMA ask mommy's anything questions. Are you up for answering a few of these? Yeah, I'll do a couple before I split. Yeah. Yeah, let's just do a couple and then if you're up for it some talks too Sure, go ahead. Okay. I'm excited Um, the first question is how did you two find out you were so collectively fucked up? crazy, man Yeah, that's exactly what I was going to say. Yeah, when we saw grizzly man in theater and um In the theater we saw it and there was a we've told the story before

But the guy what is his name? Timothy Treadwell. Treadwell. Werner Herzog. Yeah, well Werner Herzog Made the documentary when Treadwell would go he get dropped off in Alaska to live with bears for like seasons like an entire season And he got to know the bears so it's a fantastic documentary, but there's this one scene where they Timothy's already dead obviously when they make it And they're playing all his footage and they talked to a Helicopter pilot, I think yeah who said um, he's like, yeah, he asked me to Drop him off in this reserve that is just full of bears

and We're in the theater It's it's a you know, there's a serious tone to the documentary And the guy goes, I mean, I told him I go well, that's just that's bear country And he's like, yeah, that's where I want you to drop me off and the guy goes. I mean, I thought he was retarded and You and I laughed so hard Together and nobody else in the theater

And that's what I was like. She's a special person special lady Yeah, and when we didn't we go see that movie something like blue water and it was like shark attack Where people die and I think you and I were laughing out loud at that one too and people were getting eaten Yeah, yeah Yeah, when we started to laugh at like The same wrong stuff. I was like, this is what you look for in a partner for sure for sure I think tom and I have a real shared love of stuff that sucks like we we we acknowledge what sucks

Similarly, if that makes sense Similarly, similarly. Yes. Yeah Okay, how about this one? What was the biggest obstacle or hardest time in ymh's lifetime? I think we're kind of in it now. This is definitely one of the This is one of them. I mean, I'll tell you it was hard When red band was producing the show for us to take it over yourself It's it's a little overwhelming because I realized that like I felt like the tech was on me and I didn't have that background So I was like, I hope we can pull this off

Yeah, I mean like I'd buy the soundboard and Mike do the recordings and I was like, you know, that felt like an obstacle And every time we've moved you always feel that kind of weight as well That's tough I think one of the harder times for me performing on the show during hard times um, you know, like my mom died in 2015 and that that's hard too when like you have personal stuff going on Much like you right now when my dad got sick. Yeah, that was that was tough Yeah, we didn't even talk about that on the show

But that that was definitely tough and um and then like career wise it was really tough to every time we do something Outside of that like, you know, I'm going on tour to Europe or I'm shooting a movie in Atlanta You start to go like like you start pre-planning Like all the the booked show like the you know banked episodes. That's always a struggle too Yeah, but we've always made this show a priority That's true. We have I mean barring like Medical I mean even look in the midst of a medical drama, we still found a way to do the show

It's always been a priority I remember one time I was working on a tbs show and I had to live in a hotel for like a month and a half and you Brought the soundboard over to our hotel room and we recorded ymh from my hotel room And I was working 12 hour days on the show and we would still Find time to do ymh. The show's always been our priority. Yeah, we've never done the thing where you go Well, like we're gonna do this thing for a few weeks. Please do the show we get back. No No Never we've always covered our asses on the show front and been consistent definitely

Um, Christina, when will you eat tom scrum? I mean this teaches you that life is so fragile To do it as soon as you get out of here. Yeah This is an interesting one Please explain the jeans I mean the jeans is everything right Do we have that clip from yeah, let's let's show this sort of like asking what's the purpose of life, right? Yeah, we actually have a sizzle package. Uh, oh to explain it entirely. What is the force? Is that that's like what you're asking? Yeah, yeah

I Need some explain to me. What's that? What's with the jeans? Oh, your jeans up. Oh and jeans. What's up, jean? What's that jean? Baby jeans big jeans are happening jeans up Jeans is what the show is based on jeans is like the premise of star wars It's the force when we're living in an apartment. It's like you're leaving for the day I feel like I'm leaving. I'll be back later. Mommy that evolved into mommy jeans And then that evolved into dropping mommy and just saying jeans How tight are your jeans and then it became like do you live a high and tight lifestyle?

So we started to say basically That that person's got it going on like that that guy is living life the right way when you do something Stupid or embarrassing is because your genes are low in this. Is there any medical risk to wearing your jeans too high and tight? I keep them high and tight. I keep them high and tight. I gotta keep your jeans high and tight Can I get a grande iced coffee high and tight with soy milk unsweetened, please? Thanks, jeans Great, thanks jeans. We are in studio jean

Studio jean? jean jean, jean, jean, jean, jean studio jean studio jean jean Do you even wear denim anymore? That was awesome. That's great. I'm just doing that right there another one. Oh my god Piss spots episode two

That's a lot of piss tom. What if that piss spots guy reaches out? He's like, this is my fucking Tom I actually think that the camera missed it. Can you show us again what you just did during that? Sure So proud of himself Wow, good job, buddy. Thanks. We got it. It's very light colored. That means you're hydrating a lot Yeah, can I show you some talks? I would love to before yeah, let's jump to talks. I want to see some time. Yeah, you okay? You good? Yeah, yeah, I want to see some though. I missed the talks. I know You sent me you sent me a personal batch the other day

You had a couple that had me in tears Good talks are life you guys. Okay, this one I have to say really captured my heart and my imagination Go ahead and just let it roll Hello, my name is Steven Shelton. I joy getting along with people My cell phone number is airy cold Thank you very much. Are you out of your fucking mind? Are you out of your fucking mind? This guy's so out of his mind to put his phone number on on the web. I mean

That tiktok is a meet people app like Tell me about I I long I enjoy Getting along with people. Here's my phone That that that is fantastic You can tell his thing you can tell he's a sweet guy. He's a sweet guy You can totally tell that guy's a sweet guy. He has no idea what tiktok is for and He literally was like I I like people

Here's my phone number. There's no way that dude's phone number even works anymore. No, it's destroyed Yeah, I mean I took mercy on him and I did not put it in my my stories on the gram just because right there You you just edited it too right there. I noticed that Yeah, of course Because I didn't want to I mean I wanted to protect that individual. I felt so bad for him. Yeah, I mean that is He needed protection the day he posted it. That's over now over Yeah, it's over. I mean look if you're putting your phone number on the web

You've got some some screws loose, right? I mean our pc doing his superfuck 2395 Apartment 2c Wagner house. I mean that was like that's you and he was like come over here and beat the shit out of me He did that for years Years, bro Crazy, but apparently it's no biggie because that guy's been putting his address out Robert Paul champagne for years and pesami beat me and and he's been fine. So gosh, I don't know Okay, which one's this one? This one's for you tom Oh

What's he saying he said we're gonna find these people to fuck them up Whoever did this like I don't know what they did in the like he's not really showing But he keeps saying we're gonna find these sons of bitches these dog pieces of shit. We're gonna rip them apart We're gonna fuck them up. I'm pretty sure that was a cartel talk Yeah, good sure felt like it. Yeah, I've been finding these drug cartel talks lately. It's a whole new lane for me It's been pretty wild and I I hope I ask you to translate a lot of them because I don't understand what's going on That was pretty cool Okay, so a lot

Huge burgeoning of tiktok lane is in the prison talk world I mean I have added so many new prison talk accounts And I'm sure the authorities are not happy about this because the prisoners were not supposed to be making talks And most of them frankly are kind of boring. I don't think these guys Know yet what a good talk is. So when you find a good one, it's pretty rare. So go ahead This is how you customize your prison gear Hey, look, you gotta let him check it out. You gotta let him check it out. Yeah, who made it? The light was good

The eyes were good So this gentleman it looks like he's incorporated white and khaki into his uniform, which is that's dope I mean he's got style. That's that's expressing yourself. That's flavor. Yeah, I mean Yeah, he uh Sounds like he got a little white folks in him too Yeah, yeah, I thought that was pretty creative. Um, it's good that when a thug can sell I kudos man. Here's another prison talk. This gentleman's rigged up his whole kitchen system here He's boiling his coffee in his toilet

Unreal isn't that amazing? Uh, it's unreal when they do this shit. Yeah Amazing a human beings are like even I'll tell you like even myself in the last Two weeks you find how adaptable you are. Oh, yeah to like do things and You know, like the way that you you know, I figured out a way that I need to sit up and stand and how I need to do just any number of things and you realize that like these guys are in a confined space limited resources and you just find a way Oh, yeah, he had a bag of folgers boiling. It looked like he's sink in his toilet He took the trash bin put the water in that put the folgers back in and then somehow got a wire

Can you show it again? I'm curious to see the apparatus. How did he How does he not electrocute himself? And then there it is it's in the sink and then there's some kind of wire Going up to the light fixture and that's the electrical source. I mean, it's just so crazy Amazing. Yeah, amazing. That was a good one and he's making ramen later too. I see the ramen noodles down there Well, I'm so glad we got to watch some talks together. I feel like that was great. I feel like the family is all together again Yeah All right, wait to get back there. I know we miss you so much jeans and I'm just so happy to see you even if it's just on zoom And uh, I hope you have a have a great day. Have your breakfast a great on your midterms and stay well my king above 18

Thank you. It was fun to do this with you guys Hope you guys are well. Uh, thank everybody for I got literally, you know, thousands of messages Of people from people wishing me well, so I appreciate that from all the fans that listen in support And uh, yeah, I can't wait to get back. Love you guys and I'll see you soon. You're gorgeous Bye jeans. Bye guys. See you later. Tom. See you buddy Oh That was so good to talk to Tommy. Wasn't it? It feels like we're all together again Even though he's in his little rehab hotel and pissing in jugs as he's talking to us

It's nice to see him and how proficient he was. I didn't even know that he was Pissing and talking to us. Did you notice that? I did not Was really able to keep it on the dl. I know this is baby. Josh Zolo. I'm sure you guys know who he is But not you are you like you're 21 now, which is amazing 21. Yeah, you're so cute. What year were you born? 1999 wild. That's so funny. Oh my god Anyways, I'm glad you're here. It's just great. Like I was a fully formed person I want to talk about my pejitski effect the wonderful rob eiler coin that the pejitski effect where you realize you're doing something Wrong or just neglected to do something for so many years and then you are like, oh my god

I can do this like a regular person. I talk about these on where my mom's at a lot. So Okay, I I like everybody in the winter time. My legs get very dry and very ashy Like I get like leg dandruff I'm so gross. Like I'll get out of the shower. I'll barely wipe myself down as you guys know But the other day I got out of the shower and I was like, oh my god I can put lotion on my skin So that might oh my god, my legs don't get white and flaky

And it was like Like I fucking I can't believe it took 44 years for me to realize I can put lotion on my legs Not just on my face. Yeah That's so stupid and like I know girls do that. So Yeah, yeah, I I had a similar one. You said face. You're kidding. I I often neglect skincare and um Recently I just kind of discovered like facial moisturizer Like I'd realize especially like this time of year get out of the shower and my face would be super dry and like kind of

Painful. Yeah, and I'm like, oh, I could just put like a little A little bit of that on there and we're all set Yeah, uh life changing my life changing and especially with boys. I feel as though nobody educates Boys on hey wash your face Like did anyone tell you that that there are products for facial cleansing? Not really. I mean, I think like we're all kind of ashamed of it a little bit. Why is that it's it's gay Yeah, it's so clear that you're It's it's it's gay to wash your face

Oh, yeah, and these guys that are using like face masks and stuff. That's that's gay fuck Even get me started. I don't like it either and can I tell you it annoys me as a woman where I get on the gram And then I see these girls like I'm wearing a face mask. I'm so ugly right now And you're like, no, you're not you're just wearing a face mask fucking relax. Yeah, it's an it's obnoxious It really is. Yeah, I don't know why people like to capture it so much I don't like everyone feels like okay. I got my face mask on I need to do an instagram post with it No, yeah, I don't like it I don't like it either

But I do agree with you that a man doing a face mask, especially if it's like a colored one like a green or blue It's queer as fuck and I'm not I'm not having it. Yeah. Yeah, like if tom started to do that I would seriously question if he was blowing guys in the parking lot. Yeah, right Uh, what about you nadab? You mentioned you had a pijitzki effect Yeah, I realized when you asked me what I did this week and I was like, oh, you know I just kind of like passed out and didn't like I did absolutely nothing and put out some tires over here But then I realized I had a pijitzki effect Um, whenever something in my apartment breaks that's bigger than can fit in a trash can

I'm optimistic that I'll be able to fix it later Okay, so I just set it aside and I put it somewhere and then I've accumulated now like one like one or two gaming chairs like A gaming chair. What's that? It's just it's just a chair that looks like it belongs in a race car But it's real it's real stupid, but like I broke it like I mean I got the cheapest one I could get and it broke immediately. I'm like, no, no, no, no, it just needs new wheels or something I'll just put it aside till I get new wheels

And then you you never go back to doing and I accumulate like a couple of those different things like I have a broken iMac that's been broken for three weeks like three years just on my desk So this week I was just like wait a second. Yeah, I could just throw this shit out I know and Christina I have so much room in my apartment Because you threw shit out because I threw out things that are broken that I'll never use again. Yeah, I was like That's what that's what having space is. I was literally to get to my kitchen. Christina. Yeah, I'd have to like High step over something. Oh, you were you were getting into like 40. Yeah, I was getting in a 40 territory But now I'm just like, oh, yeah, I could just throw out shit

I don't because I think that is a level of hoarding when you have to make pathways. They call it or where you have to Um walk do walk around Certain objects that that is considered man. I feel like I'm giving away way too much shit this episode We're gonna need to cut out so much shit about me No, we're not This was a fantastic episode Form it up Um, yeah, because tom made me realize that I can throw things away as well

My mother trained me to hold on to everything growing up same here. Yeah, I really struggle with that. Yeah It's so hard. I have so much useless shit that's broken or there's just no reason to keep Yeah, I'll just put it in the closet or something like throw it away. Yeah, donate it rather donate it It's hard for me Dude, the worst incidence is when my I grew up on a couch about this size one of the couches we had and it was different colored patches of valour It was like a very late 70s 80s couch And my mother it was like her pride and joy and she would cover it with a sheet

You had in the summertime actually always I never actually sat on the fabric, right? You have to cover everything you save it use and she would tell me I'm saving it for when you go to college And I'm like, this is fucking crazy And I never laid on furniture and I would lay on the sheets all the time And then by the time I went to college She'd kept the couch in the garage and the garage flooded and it ruined the couch And I remember at the time being like, yeah, you can't keep a couch for like 25 years And you don't do that with furniture anymore. Maybe back in the olden days

You know, you had stuff handmade and you could pass things down But not now not because what's the point? Yeah Like you're using the couch for that whole time. Why is it covered because you're gonna use it in the future You're using it now use it just use it now But here's the sad part is that when I started dating tom I would cover my couch With I covered it with blankets not the sheets And he come over and he's like, why is this covered in blankets?

I'm like because you have to save your couch for another day and he's like, no, dude, you can just use the couch Yeah, I think tom for showing me how to live like a human being and not like a girl. Yeah, that's an important life lesson I know your couch just fucking use all of your stuff all your stuff Who cares if it gets fucked up by a new one. I know just buy a new one Are like shoes nice shoes or nice things that I own. I'm like, I can't wear that today Like well, yeah, you can because when are you gonna fucking wear it? Yeah, you may as well just do it totally All right, let's do some more talks I've got so many in the bank and zolo thankful

I'm so thankful to you because you're the one that gets all these videos and you see everything Oh, there's so many goodies. I love it. Okay. Let's get to it I Open up the bond or kick out the hay with the girls from the USA Hey, do you hear everybody have a happy thing? Open up the bond or kick out there with the girls from USA Why are you shaking your head in a dog? Dude, what the fuck? What song are we learning? Well, I remember this is a little kid open the barnyard kick out the hay

Used to sing this on the schoolyard. That must be what they did at sea school. We did not do this at jay school at sea school Oh catholic school Yeah, I mean, it's a nice rhyme. You don't like music. You don't like joy I could do with that music Have you heard this song before zolo? I haven't I think it might be a little before my time or maybe it's uh wouldn't it off's alluding to too Also, uh, the jewish faith. Oh, jews don't sing any you've heard that song before you grew up in so cal No, we didn't sing that either. We sang the we sang the star spangled banner though

I said it a lot different than people say it now. What do you say? Do they even say it now? I used to do the I pledge allegiance to the flag Of the united states of america A to the republic for riches Yeah, we used to do the whole thing. I like that at school you did it like that all fun Yeah, I mean, you know because we didn't want to so they needed to find a way to make it fun So we would do it and you know, that is so cool. I don't think they make kids do the pledge allegiance pledge of allegiance Oh my god, I've been saying it pledge allegiance

My whole life until Pledge allegiance. It's pledge of allegiance Pledge allegiance you say I pledge allegiance to the flag. Michael Jackson is a fag Pepsi cola burned him up now. He's drinking seven out Have you heard that one? There you go. That's not the jay school version You never heard that one. No, but I like it How about another tick tock Skyler um, do you know your donor like it's your friend or something?

How does this happen? Well, I'm glad you asked So that's really misleading. I know the name is Um, I actually didn't know my donor beforehand. Um, he and I met through a donor and recipient website Um, and we matched. Um, he works exclusively with lgbtq families and obviously that is very important to me as somebody Who is in a same-sex relationship and also is transgender Um, so we got to know each other and like set our boundaries and I got to know all about his history and it matched Really perfect with what I want

um, so That's kind of what a known donor is and while I know who my donor is. It's not a secret Um, he will not be on the person. I'm exhausted. He's not the father of my child. It's still my child Um, so yeah, that's kind of what a known donor is if you have any other questions feel free to ask Oh my god, I mean, they're my least favorite tiktok. Yeah, I hate them. Yeah And it's it's not the content sure it's more about The turn like the the way in which they presented it. It's so condescending. Why I love how fired up you are right now

This one really gets to me. Yeah, I'm so glad you asked right and it's like no, you're not like why are you doing? Yeah, I agree. It has a tone of arrogance like thank you for asking Well, let me tell you my whole fucking bullshit like Yeah, okay Yeah, it's it's a very yeah, it is condescending in in town pretty cunty. Yeah, cunty is the good word I agree and also too. I think they love to throw terms around So that you feel kind of stupid, you know what I mean like for instance, she's sorry they say I'm in a same-sex relationship and I'm also transgender like wait a minute, dude

You're yeah, okay. Hold on like I'm fucking thoroughly confused Well, you got to go back into her catalog to their catalog their catalog To get the whole backstory on how all that because They cover it and all and yeah, you go way back They answer all your questions. I think this person Is just it's like annoying. It's just like one of those people that remember when like Yeah, it's like anybody that starts a new diet like or veganism and then they have to tell you every every area and quadrant of their thing She's annoying. Yeah, I I hate it fucking fuck her. Okay, go ahead. Yeah them them. Sorry they

Yeah, so this is a whole new lane and takes out crack people people in crack. Oh, that's crack. Yeah, I thought it was alcohol Oh, could be I don't know. I thought she was just really drunk. Could be absolutely But I just thought that was a nice little cautionary tale. You know what? Yeah, she looks a little too loosey goose drunk to be on the map. Yes. Yeah, you guys are right here That was pretty rad, but I see you do have a whole bunch of ones in that theme coming up. Cool. Let's see As I'm with some police officers, it's pretty cool Pretty cool. Um, yeah, no, they think that I'm I'm quote unquote Under the influence because I'm just bold. I just know what to say. I uh, don't care

So Yes, fuck police officers Yeah, I'm just bold She's the coolest. She's the best dude. Yeah, so this girl actually is a carbon copy of any What this isn't his attitude towards everything. He's like fuck you. I'm not fucked. This is just what I'm like Wow, that's a wild see yourself in her at all. I mean, I did think she was hot That is a bold claim And chris agrees and we all know that he's the compass you're saying that she has any vibes. Yeah

But I don't think he's confrontational. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say I don't think any would be as like forthright with it. I think he would be more like little fuck you and Keep it to himself. So now that you hear the comparison. Yeah, maybe let's watch it again and see sure sure any in it As I'm with some police officers. It's pretty cool. It's pretty cool. Um, yeah, no, they think that I'm I'm quote unquote Um, under the influence because I'm just bold. I just know what to say. I uh, don't care So Yes, fuck police officers. No, and he's not that crazy. I'm just bold That doesn't sound like any to you. No, but any's got confidence. This chick is delusional. I'm starting to see it more

I could see any on his stories doing this To be fair, I do have a video on my instagram when the dude was trying to pull me over But I stole my own motorcycle. I guess I do have Oh, yeah I wasn't flipping them off, but I was being a jackass. Do you have the video? Can we see it? It you can you can see it. It's kind of hard to hear, but it's it's on my instagram Let's go get it. Let's see any being a fucking crystal meth addict But she's she's wilding out because she's she's high as fuck

She's confronting. I think she is under the influence. I think I think they're right there This whole thing when people do like the hand flip to what? And what yeah, like that is so crazy talk. Yeah, let's see what he is That's Lenny Kravitz Yeah, yeah, it autocorrects. Hold on. I know what I'm doing here guys Nadab is googling looking for shit How does it go hurry up and find that shit you fucking dude?

I think it might be this one right no way. So wait set this up again. Any hold on What happened here? So basically I was I was riding my motorcycle in sandals and so I stopped Because why the fuck not so I Yeah, because whatever I know I'm not gonna crash. It's not a big deal. So I I went to I parked in a target and Uh, they stopped me in the parking spot and there in the the dude comes out. He's like, hey, it's a Little weird that you're wearing sandals on a bike. That's it's a little unsafe and I was just like, yeah, man I mean I ride all the time. It's not a big deal. He's like, yeah, it's just a little odd

You know that your your helmet doesn't match your bike either, huh? That's weird. Do you think I could see some idea and then it just it went down from there because I was like, no You can't why I was I was doing one of those because I mean to be fair. He had no reason He was trying to say that I was stealing my motorcycle. So I kind of took it as a joke And you can't really hear what what I say, but but the the vibes and who was who was recording this This is a girl that um her name's jenna Uh, she's a friend. She's a she's a she's a friend now All right, but I she was a random girl at the time

She was just got out of look at these arms. But yeah, the arms are upset. He's upset, but there's no audio We can't hear you can hear it. It's it's a little difficult to hear what I'm saying Listen, this is my bike I didn't steal I'm gonna go to target Oh He said uh, he said uh like I just explained to you because I said I'm gonna go into target and that's when she started recording And so he said uh, hey man, I don't know. Uh, I don't know what you're talking about about. Um, feeling like you're targeted I'm not doing I'm like, whoa. Whoa. I didn't say nothing about I said, I'm going to target I was like and I didn't steal this bike. This is my bike. So I'm gonna go into target now. Is that cool?

And he was like, oh, yeah have a nice day No, so I did but it's he started out a lot more aggressive than that but as soon as the camera flipped He was just good. Nice guy. Well, I'm glad the camera was there to change his fucking tone with you Yeah, it was uh, it was uh It wasn't a big deal. I think I acted the way she acted as soon as I had a camera on because then I knew this was all being recorded. So you're safe Yeah, I had I had a sense of safety Before before that. Yeah, it was like, I mean, what if they shoot me and no one sees, you know what I mean?

Oh my gosh, as soon as as soon as that camera went on. Yeah, I was just like that's fair No, she was really confrontational though I don't think that was equivalent But uh, oh, there's my king again. All right. Well, Annie, I'm glad you didn't get arrested and I'm glad that you got someone to To video it for you That's a good safeguard. My gosh All right, a couple more talks. Yeah, we'll go have lunch Say I got a question to ask you

How do you think I'd be as a stand-up comedian? Oh boy, you think I could make it What do you think? Absolutely. Yeah, he's got the presence. He's got the material Yeah, all right next What the fuck is that another cartel talk It's definitely a lat american talk Shit goes wild in lat america, dude So for those of you just listening, there's a truck in the ocean, I think

And they're getting it out I'm telling you some of these talks that I've been curating now I wonder if I should just hand them to the police because there's a lot of shit Like there are like cock fights that I've found. I saw you post that. Yeah, that's disturbing really disturbing And there's there was one I saw where they even showed them putting like the the nails into the chickens I'm like, I can't even post that. There was one you sent me that I didn't prep for the show Maybe it'll be on a future live But I think it was the aftermath of a prison stabbing. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah

I think like a a co got stabbed and one of the like inmates but oh, I put this on the talk Yes, I remember Jesus christ. Yeah, that was a recent one. Yes. Yeah, these prison talks are getting way worse They're getting dark. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah, we'll say that for the live show. Okay, this guy's interesting Good morning tiktok. How you all doing? All right. Thanks. How do you get over a breakup? You know, I just keep going back back back. I know I gotta get away from her Can't do it. Yeah, keep going back. I gotta try to leader You guys have any advice for him how to get over a breakup?

That's the only thing I heard everything else was I'm not sure what language that was in Okay How does your how does your face I understand that age is unkind but how does your face morph into a muppet? Like he literally you know how the muppets have like just a slit and then you're like It's wild. Oh, it's the lack of teeth. Yeah, I was gonna say I think that has something to do with it Yeah, yeah, yeah, that'll do it when you're all gums. It becomes kind of just like a slit Want want want want yeah gums and then the nose is from alcoholism. I'm guessing Yeah, how's the nose from alcohol? Your nose gets bigger and redder. You get red ready and bloated

Drunk nose. Yeah If you do anything that you're about to see you might be a meth head Window watching Five hours later still looking at the people Looking for a piece of rock that you dropped two weeks ago Sunglasses inside Wear a headlamp for us Hey, dude, it's that car. Remember the white Tahoe. It's outside, dude. I told you it's outside, dude

You talk about the one we're saying at home in Mississippi, dude. We're in florida Yeah, I just thought that was informative. I mean doing meth sounds terrible Very informative and I see a lot of parallels between our friend conald and this guy He even pointed out the white chariot. Did you notice that? That's right. You're right The cars being that and the paranoia. Yep, but the cars pacifically. Mm-hmm. Yeah, but doing meth just looks horrible Like what's the party in it? Do you guys know we haven't done that before we've discussed this before? Okay, this one I thought was really neat too Hey guys, here's the snow globe content. I promised you

Um, this is my wife's snow globe. She made it in honor of her Her uncle John, he's a police officer. So yeah, if you're a blue left-wing supporter, this is the snow globe for you I made an Anna lego one I found this shark dude at a dollar store. It's really uh Oh and uh cuckoo puffs bird So yeah, these were some that were already made before I started filming Sorry about that. I didn't film the making of them. But why didn't you film the making of it redneck snow globes? God damn it. Everyone wants to see the making of the snow globe. Yeah

Is it just me or does he sound like out of breath like where did he just run from? I know he's like Snow globe. I think he's just fat. He's fat. He sounds fat fat people sometimes have fat voices You can tell just by listening and also a cool detail blue lives matter snow globe. Oh, is that right? Oh, yeah He's like and we'll cops in here if you're a blue lives matter supporter. Oh, thanks, man You really know your clientele So rad I have to say though. I thought at first these were jars full of urine

And then he just put toys in them because they don't look like snow globes at all. They just look like filthy jars full of toys I mean, that's what they are. That is what they are and some glitter He's got to put this he's got to put this on etsy. He can make a killing I swear I would buy these from him just to bring, you know, give him some income. Yeah Yeah, all right. Well next one very nice. Yeah So somebody hit my car and they wrote I'm sorry for hitting your car. It was an accident I don't have money or insurance. Well, here is snacks. So we They left me some ritz bits and some cheetos. Those are hot cheetos

Oh There you go bag of hot cheetos and some ritz does that cover that you thank you guys Probably not but Still a nice gesture better than just driving off like at least you got something out of it Why even write the note and that saw we with w's and the it's it's even more insulting than just not doing anything What a cunt. I feel like it's pretty cunty. Yeah, it's a shit bird move. Just fucking do nothing Really? Is that better bitch? Yeah, then being like saw we and then putting the saw we part Is bad like I I I get that. Yeah, just leave the snacks. You don't need like the cunty note. I guess

All right, go ahead and leave him a picture of your boobs Be nicer that would challenge. Okay. What was this one now? Oh, this one's this guy's fucking rad. This is another drug one It's a method No, what the fuck are you doing? It's your gangsta I love that one too. Yeah She doesn't seem scared at all. She's like, what are you doing? Like I would be shitting myself if I came up to me like that. I know you're so right like she's like, oh

Jim you and your shenanigans again. Play it again. You're right because she's way too calm Oh What the fuck are you doing go over there? It sounds like an annoyed big sister talking to her little brother and like go over there. What are you doing? But it's a terrifying like fully tattooed man. It's gotta be her dad or her uncle or yeah, you're right There's a family there's some familial shit going down Yeah, that because that's it that is how you talk to someone here like oh god. He's high again. Damn it dad Yeah, yeah, he's fucking shit up. He's throwing things. What kind of store are they in? I feel like it's a medical supply or something weird

Yeah, yeah, what oh no, I don't know what what is it an outdoor like flea market or something? Yeah Also, if you were wondering what family they're a part of I think I don't know. He'll be a flores. Oh, there you go. He's probably talking to margarita right now Hey, hey is ms. 13 homie 13th street Oralee homes. This is my blood bag. I wear it as an accessory It is not a real blood bag. Please do not think that it is Well, it's not the whole point of wearing a blood bag. Yeah So people think you're cool and you're wearing blood around your neck dummy

Yeah, you could wear something else maybe. Yeah, if you're gonna do it do it Do it. I I say collect your menstrual blood and put it in your blood bag Why don't I just do real blood? Yeah, I know any would you date a girl that had a blood bag around her neck and be honest Be honest as though I would say yes to this What do you mean? no because something about

A girl crazy enough to wear a blood bag around her neck I feel like you if all people would be intrigued and be like that chicks wild Like that chick's gonna do crazy shit. I see where you're going with it But uh, I stop at the gross stuff though and I don't know where you got that blood I don't know where the camera but it's fake blood. It's fake blood Yeah, but but then that means you fake and and boring fake people are lame At least like like zolo said at least if you're gonna do it do it, you know, I still ain't I ain't into that But you know, you wouldn't okay. Okay, but she's your dream girl

She's like wife material and she's like, listen, I love you. I blow you like five times a day I do all the shit you want sexually, but I have to wear this blood bag around my neck when I meet your mom Easy easy. I would wear the blood bag. I'd wear another blood bag with her. We could we could wear matching ones? No problem. She's the best. Yeah So that wouldn't be a deal breaker the blood bag. No, it's just blood. That's not a big deal I've never got hurt by a little blood. That's okay. This seems like a complete 180 You were so against it a couple minutes ago. Now you're all for it. You're like suddenly she became super hot. I mean, what am I? Noted

Nizav super hot. I mean, she's a perfect. She's perfect. No in the blood bag Okay, what is this is exactly like this is what I know what this is leading into sure Um, and no, I think if she's Showing signs of stuff that I can't understand like if it's I need x to get off And I can't get my head around x at all That's weird. I don't want I don't want to get into it. I don't think this is a sexual thing. It's not sexual. This is aesthetic Yeah, oh, so she just needs this to not get hard. She just needs this She just likes it. But now feel nice. Yeah, she's a fashionista and she's like, I'm gonna start wearing blood bags

Everyone else is gonna do it. Are you on board? Are you gonna be in square? Yeah, let me wear my blood bag. I'm gonna be a square in 2021 and get off this fashion train Wow, you don't need to participate in the fashion. You just need to bang her every once in a while. Yeah Yeah, hard fast and you still but she you're not even involved in the blood bag Like she just she puts it on involved in the blood bag because I'm being asked about it So there is some sort of involvement And if I'm be okay with it, I mean the answer is no and I feel like you guys are trying to pressure me Uh, force me into a corner

But your standards are unreasonable. You're gonna die alone because Everybody has something Okay, here's what okay. We're having a different conversation Because that's not what we're talking about. We're not talking about this blood bag thing. We're talking about the fed What are we talking about? We're talking about this fetish conversation that we had off camera a couple days ago Okay, so to bring everybody in on the discussion So the the argument was If the uh, if a girl that is the girl of your dreams

Yes said hey before we get into it I need you to squash a bug with your barefoot. This is because we had a video of someone with a fetish for bug squashing right, okay, and Everyone around me's answer was like, yeah, no problem. I'll kill that bug with my barefoot and I was the only one That was like, no, that's a deal break. I'm not going to be with this person Like that's the last time I'm going to hang out that person and you guys called me r-worded You guys called me f-worded. You called me all the words your r-worded f-worded Your total fgt rtd because a total fgt is what you guys called me. Yeah

Because why because I don't want to kill animals She's your dream girl. No, she's not my dream girl doesn't want me to kill animals before we do stuff But sexuality sometimes is weird and it's like you're wiring dude. It's not about shaming. Yeah, you're kink shaming exactly so Might be I guess I'm not like as hip as these gen zers out here, but you're so uninclusive No, but here's the thing. What am I finding out about this squish fetish on date one? No, dude, she's your dream girl. So this is like like on my wedding night. That's what I'm finding out about Okay, okay, listen listen you're three months in uh-huh you said the I love you she sex is great She's like, you know what babe? I mean, she's great

She's everything you want a dog and she's in bed with you one night and she's like a dog I love you so much Gosh, you're just so amazing, but I have to tell you our sex life is amazing But I want to take it to the next level I want you To step on these bugs for me and if you do that in a dog our sex life is going to be at a 20 It's at a 10. I want it at a 20 and you're gonna what what do you say? I'll be like 10 out of 10 was working great for me. Oh my god, you're gonna

10 out of 10 was working great for me pack your bags. I want you to leave this is going to be the last time we talk You're insane. You guys are the weird ones. Wow, you guys are being the weird ones I can't believe that you would throw out the woman the woman of your dreams because of a sexual kink Because she's hiding this crazy thing that she likes to kill animals It is crazy. She likes to kill animals to get off and I want no part of it. She doesn't kill them. You kill them. Yeah Right, right. Yeah, I'm still out guys But bugs are not like yes, they're animals, but they're not like domestic animals Like people don't people do have like pet roaches, but those people have mental problems. It's not the same thing

Oh, but this girl of my dreams doesn't No, it's sexual. It's just purely sexual. It's like pup play. It's not sexual I don't know. I look guys. I'm not gonna fall into this hole that you're digging for me Okay, what is like you're not gonna marry her. She's not a dream girl It's just a hook-up every once in a while. It's like a once once a month thing You're not gonna partake. Everything else is amazing. The second I find out about that bug thing. That's gonna be the last time why Because I don't I mean look I can't like I said I can't wrap my head around it. I don't want to understand it

I'm out. Listen and for that and for that reason sharks. I'm out I just think that you you know, nobody's perfect and we all have these things and like I agree you can't Yeah, just you can't disqualify someone just on something so tiny like that, you know, okay, but okay If someone approaches you it's just like hey christin Hey christina every time right before we make love. I need to just cut off a sliver of your pinky Well, that's gonna harm me and that's gonna kill me in the long run. I'll bleed to death Oh, so as long as you're not the one getting hurt. All right, christina. I need you to sliver off a pinky Closest

It's silly the blood bag first of all the blood bag harms nobody it's fake blood Let's go back to blood bag because I think I think the the bug thing is an animal rights issue And we're now we're those are two different issues the blood bag is this like it's a weird aesthetic choice that she makes And that's cosmetic. It's like someone wearing lame lame jeans to a bunch of colorblind r-words that can't see a red flag when they fucking see you It's right in front of your eyes like oh, is it okay if I have this bag of fake blood around my neck? You're like, yeah, no problem. Let's go fucking the next room. Dude. No, they're not fucking anymore. Listen, let me let me tell you this Okay, I hear what you're saying when I was in high school

I was with a guy for four years who wore a fucking black velvet dress and makeup and This is before any of this was cool. Yeah And the sweetest most wonderful guy on the planet. Where does the blood come in? Did he drink? No, no, but I'm just saying like That's just an aesthetic choice. It doesn't mean But you like that back then like, okay, so you were a golf chick dating a golf dude wild christina What wild limits you have crazy boundaries, but you've never dated somebody that did something Aesthetically that you were kind of like that's that's a choice and you just let it go. You just go like, oh, okay

I just don't think it's that big of a deal. I just don't think it's a big deal. You know what? I just don't think I've been uh, Exposed to these types of obstacles in the women. You're gonna die alone. You need to You need to make some concessions because I won't because of the because of the lack of blood bags and bug squishing Yes die alone. You have to make concessions right solo. Yeah, am I right? You have to everyone's got something weird about them and you just have to embrace it Look, I agree with that too But if the thing is is that I have to kill animals before we fuck or wear a bag of your blood around my neck I'm not into it. You're so square. It's like, yeah, I'm a big old fg. Yeah, I get it. I get it

You're fgtrtv and I I I can't believe you work here Right, it's like you guys thought Chris was the moral compass, but yeah, hold on. Yeah Hey, Chris, what do you think of all this crazy fucking nerd would you kill an animal before you fuck a woman? Chris would step on some bugs. No That's hard now on the blood bags, but I'd probably get over the the bugs There you go Damn, even Chris would do it bro. This is complete horse shit. This is like he's

No, no, no, no, no even Chris would do it and Chris is the most moral and good and normal of all of us He's the healthiest of all of us. No, no, no, but here's what's happening. Christine. All right. Yeah native It's it's not that He's the moral compass and he's his compass has been skewing south ever since he started working here Okay, his up is down his down is up his east is west everything's all No, no, no, I think Chris when he started working here would have the same answer because that's what a rational person would say Yes, I'll step on some bugs. No, dude. You're both wrong. The job. You're r-worded and you're FGT chime in and let us know if the job is r-worded your mom's podcast at gmail.com go ahead and we're gonna take an official

poll in essence And Dolo you will go through these emails and let's take a poll and see if he's r-worded or not for not wanting to Squish bugs that the question is is Nadav an FGT RTD because he won't squish bugs for the the Woman of his dreams. Okay. Go ahead and submit those emails submit them and put bugs in the subject line and just put R-worded or not. Was that is that so that you don't have to go through all the email? Yes. He's r-worded. No, he's not Yeah, keep it brief get to the point is Nadav are working Okay, and then if you don't require bugs to be squished in relationships that you and you know just uh, you know Say that you're down for whatever. It's just like it's not whether i'm retarded or not

Dav this is a rough episode for you. This is the roughest. Yeah, this is the roughest episode of my life You just need help. You need tough luck. We're cutting 45 minutes on this episode. No we're not No, we're not don't you touch it. I won't fucking not let that happen. All right All right, well, let's let's wrap things up you guys Thank you so much mommies for watching for listening for being a part of our ymh family Pretty soon. I hope soon enough. We'll have our tawny buns back in studio Um, but any hoodles. Thank you so much for tuning and we love you and uh, go ahead and uh, i'm coming up in may All right high and tight. Bye

Is right here man Oh Without your money You