Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 588 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: January 27, 2021

Become a paid channel member of YMH to experience an AD-FREE version of the show here : https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYIgiXwJck_Pb5Nj-wIrsqg/join SPONSORS: - Go to https://Saatva.com/theshit to save $225 on your order - Download Best Fiends FREE today on the Apple App Store or Google Play - Go to https://www.brooklinen.com and use promo code mom to get $25 off when you spend $100 or more, PLUS free shipping. - Go to https://ButcherBox.com/MOM and get 1 rack of St. Louis Ribs, 1 pack of bacon and 1 pack of pulled pork for free in the first box. - Go to https://Headspace.com/MOM for a free 1-month trial WHAT'S UP THERE CHOMO?! Tom Segura and Christina P kick off this episode of YMH by revisiting Marc Rebillet's YMH Live 3 banger "Tiddy Tiddy." They discuss the documentary "Some Kind of Heaven,"the red flags Christina saw in Tom at the beginning, Nadav's newly-whitened teeth, and Garth Brooks' hair plugs. They also watch videos of a cool swastika guy, an AEW commentator flubbing Bert Kreischer's name once again, a fan parody of Elliott - the video message cool guy, and they pay tribute to the late, great Larry King by rewatching his iconic "Saka Souffle" clips. They read follow-up emails from the paramedic-panty saleswoman a Fans Only creator, and an inquiry about Christine dating The King. This prompts a big announcement from Mommy Tina. Also, Nadav got the Main Mommies a gift - a bottle of tequila from a recent YMH star's company. Mary Lynn Rajskub is a stand-up comedian and actress. Her new stand-up special "Live From The Pandemic" premieres February 1. Mary Lynn, and the Mommies discuss dating during quarantine, the celebrity dating app Raya, deleted scenes from "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," and the pronunciation of "won." Jean and Jean show her how Ariel Helwani pronounces it, as well as a Brazilian politician who got caught sniffing panties, our favorite boot licker, and John McAfee licking his shoe. They naturally bring her up to speed on McAfee, playing for her the infamous "hammock" clips.

I feel like I just entered another, like a new reality that's higher, that's above other people. Totally. And you magically drew me into it and I didn't fail the test. You didn't fail it. You're like my Obi-Wan Kenobi. There you go.

You looked into my eyes and I was like, Juan, it's Juan. I know. Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq. Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq, Tariq,

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he's not saying that. There's no way, yeah. Yeah. And that was awesome. Mark Grebier. Grebier. God. That guy has jams.

Jam's hard, man. No, never not jamming. As the kids say around here, that song, fucks. Is that what you guys say? Are you young kids saying that a lot? That song, fucks. This song is tits and it fucks hard. Titty, titty, titty, titty, titty, titty, titty, titty.

Oh, man. We're back on the road, Jean. Thank you. I'm so excited to be doing the Addison Improv. There's only a handful of tickets left on the Late Show Thursday on the 4th of February. And then I go to Houston, aka Pustin at the Pustin Improv on February 25th through 27th.

Again, tickets are limited. And then Zany's in Nashville, March 11th through 13th. Tickets at Christina P. Online. I'm so excited and amazed. I'm excited. I'm ready. I'm going to Flo Rida and then Fartnix. Yeah.

And then, what is it called? Oh, Chomaha. Chomaha. Nebraska, I saw that suggestion. And then Sextington, Kentucky. Oh, Sextington. Those are all coming up. Brea, a bunch of these are on the books.

Just take a look. And then, yeah, I'm super excited that I'll announce a tour in the fall if everybody gets their vaccine. Oh my god. I'll be able to tour in the fall. That'll be rad. I'm so excited.

I'm so excited to get back on the road. It's been too long. We're coming up on a year. You bet I'm coming up in May. You bet I'm coming up in May. You bet I am. Show me where it spits on the road. TomSugar.com, Christina P. Online.

Oh, check out where my mom's at, too. A lot of good guests, a lot of good topics. If you're a parent, even if you're not, it's a super fun show. There you go. We're back with TomTalks. Doing it twice a month right now, we'll see. And then I want to get TomSugar in Espanol back shortly.

And you're Pooper Bowl. Yes, I'm doing the big game, they call it. The big game, February 7th, if you don't know, Bert Kreischer, myself, and Bruce Kreischer, myself, and Warren Sapp are gonna livestream a companion show to the big game. Sunday, February 7th, 3 p.m. Pacific, 6 Eastern. We're shooting content, we're watching the game,

and we're talking through it, and it's gonna be a lot of fun. He's really funny. I didn't realize how quick and funny he is, man. He's very funny. I think that's gonna be so much fun. I would just watch it just to watch you guys talk some shit. It's gonna be fun.

And you know what, me, I'm not into the Pooper Bowl. Yeah, I think a lot of people who are not into football still want to have a party, so that's what we're doing. Yes. All right, thank you guys. How you doing? I'm good. You know why you're good?

Why? Because you've been having your OT, your PT, and now you got your DT, your dick touches, because your wife resurrected your penis. And don't you feel better now that you don't have any common those balls? Yeah, thanks, I do feel better. Yeah, I think it's vital.

It's part of what a wife does. Yeah. I take care of that region. I take care of the mouth, the food, and then the dick region, and now you're back. I'm hard like 24-7. Is that right? Yeah, I'm never not hard.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Are you made of cum? I feel like I am. Still, in your 40s, even. I'm rock hard all the time. I mean, you see it. I do see it. Even when those nurses were giving you enemas,

you were like, I'm so fucking hard right now. Especially the enemas. I was like, oh, finally some anal stimulation. Yeah. It was very erotic when I couldn't shit. I was like, I'm so turned on that I can't shit right now. Very fun. That's somebody's thing.

That's definitely somebody's thing. Somebody right now is like, so hard because I can't shit right now. I love when I can't shit, I get so hard. That's somebody's sentence that they just said, somewhere in the world, so hard right now. I can't shit. I love it.

Turns me on. This is such a mood today. I think it started with Revier. He's getting us in all sexuals. Well, let me play an opening clip. Gets you in another fun mood. Ready? Here is a dollar sign, a pile of them.

Then I have peace signs. And then lastly, I have a treasure trove of swaths and teacups. Here, I'm going to show you real quick. Oh, swaths and teacups. Get your big guy. That was Randy. Don't bring anyone loving to this.

Show mom where the fuck it's there. No, no, no. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura, Tom Segura. And Christina Pajitz and Christina Pajitz. Welcome to your mom's house. Yes. Charism.

Your swas and Tika's are out. Swas and Tika's. What? What are our word? Swas and Tika's. What a retard. OK, it's not slimy and evil. It always.

That's backwards. There's a lot of them. Yeah, we're not liking them. Who needs that? Yeah, backwards. There it is. That was a dollar sign on the back of a Tika. But Tika, Tika, this fool.

But it's part of the world that we've got cool face tabs. It's super simple. So can we make it more acceptable? OK, and you put a peace sign around a Tika. And the answer is yes, even if you've cut it out and felt, you can then combine the two symbols by grabbing your peace sign and then putting your Tika parts, little tongs

that the swastika has. Oh, we know how to say it now. The holes. Yeah, swas and Tika. Yeah, I think it's interesting. I like that he has the logic of the guy who goes, why can't I just say the N word? In the exact same like thought process where he's like,

why not? Here's the thing, though. I'm a good guy. Why not? I'll put a swastika on my business that sells, you know, ice cream, and then it'll be like the cool new ice cream symbol. Yeah, I was like, yeah, that doesn't it's already established. We know what it means. That argument never works.

Why can't I? There it is. There's the beautiful Tika with the swastika. He says it right. It's contained and encompassed by peace by peace. The Tika can mean war. And the question is, can you bring peace? Does it ever Trump war? Can you actually manage to bring about victory with peace instead of

evil and violence and resentment and hatred? And I think this symbol, I think you can at least imagine a world where that happens. I feel like this argument is strong and it's going to it's going to carry you a long way. Also, did he go to the Josh Potter School of pronunciation because elementary and swastika. Swastika, but then he's like swastika. Like he knows how to say. So hold on. The original symbol, you know,

live like 365. He's just having it all the time. Will you look up Google Nadav, the original swastika? I know it's an isn't it a Native American symbol? Maybe it's called something like the Tika or something. Yeah, maybe Hindi or I don't freaking Tika, the Tika right there. The swastika, the swastika, but it's always been called the swastika. I mean, I think so.

Let's see. Ancient religious icon cultures of Eurasia. It's using Indian languages, Indian religions, including, including Hinduism, Buddhism and Jainism. As a result of World War Two in the Holocaust, many people strongly associated with Nazism and anti. That's weird, that little footnote that my man here seems to be Tom, I think he can just overcome. But Tom, why come?

He can't just say the thing. Yeah, do thing. So swastikas, conducive to well being. Yeah, OK. Yeah, that's why Hitler chose it. It's a peaceful, awesome symbol. Yeah. Hey, Hitler. Kind of a menace that really took on.

I got to tell you something. He's one of the biggest rascals of all the history. He really is. Guy is a total knucklehead. And so is Goebbels, and so is Himmler. And Osama been Rascal Laden. Yep, another. Osama been doing no-no-ladens.

You know what I call them? What? Rebel Rousers. You're such a dad. I feel like your dad would assess these guys that way. Well. You know, that Hitler, not a good guy. Tell you something to me. Just not good.

Let me tell you something. He would round up, OK, the gypsies, the Jews, blacks, mentally handicaps, and he would just gas them. Gas them. I've seen documentaries, Dad. Yeah, we've all seen the documentaries. He, how he can watch another Hitler doc

is the one that gets me, where it's like he's 73 and I'm home for, I don't know, visiting them and you walk through and you're like, Hitler, huh? He loves it. This is our 600 of Hitler Docs. Yeah, but that's all dads watch. Well, because now they've colorized some of that old, cool footage.

Yeah, yeah. And now my dad's like, you take color. Oh, well, it's got nice eyes. I didn't realize that. Yeah. Yeah. You know, all these other Docs, you never see Hitler's eyes. They really pop with the color correction.

Yeah. Well, it's like a whole new, it's like the Wizard of Oz when it switches from black and white to color. Now they're really stoked. Yeah. That and my dad would always have, like, the World War II house on Giribaldi Street and, you know, those thick like WWII books and the shitter.

Yeah. They read them for you. They really, I think it's because all that stuff happened, like, when they were born or right before they were born. Or, you know what I mean? They affected their lives. Yeah, they're like, why did my life suck? Oh, I want to read the story.

But I can't imagine revisiting this to 2020. I want to bury it. I don't want to hear the word. I don't want to hear it ever again. Yeah. You're going to hear it for the rest of your life. I know. You lived through, you know.

The Pandy. A Pandy that last one was 102 years ago. I know. I'm content never speaking of it ever again. You're going to be doing interviews about it in your 60s and 70s. People will be like, what was the Pandy like? You're like, oh, it's great.

It's the best year of our lives. You're like, I got the COVID. Yeah. My husband's body broken half. Well, the neat part was that we gained the quarantine 15 and then lost it thanks to the Pandy, the COVID Pandy that we got later. So it was like a perfect circle of a year.

Yeah, pretty cool. The COVID diet resolved the quarantine 15. My smell's not back. Mine either. Yeah, it's been a while. Now my mouth tastes like I just drank orange juice. I appreciated it the other day. What?

When Bitsy shit on the stairs. I know. She's got it. And normally I'd been like, ugh, it didn't smell a thing. It didn't faze you. 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,520 It's good for some things.

Before I forget, a big shout out to Larry King, who we learned passed away. I'm having chest pain. He passed away a couple days ago. I had such a good time with the most memorable, of course. Everybody loves him. Suck his souffle. Yeah, he was awesome.

Didn't he have a stroke as he was interviewing you? No. No. He sounded like it was suck a souffle. I remember when he said Mark. It's a really cool tribute. When he goes, Mark Wall. Yeah, I have it here.

I have it here. What are you doing? That's why we pull the clips. All right. I just get excited. Starring alongside Mark Wahlberg and Roseburn in Instant Family, Mark Wahlberg. Yeah, you got it.

I got it. Yeah. No him a long time. What was that like? That was one of the best ones. Guilty pleasure. Chocolate souffle. Suck a souffle.

Chocolate souffle. A chocolate souffle. Yeah, isn't that the best? It takes a while to make. And then if you want to see, this is the clip that my mother called me. I had done this interview a year before they posted it. So I did it.

They didn't post it. I mean, I guess they used it on their own platform. They didn't put it on YouTube for like a year. And my mom said that she was on YouTube. And because they have searched me before, it'll suggest. So she was like, oh, Tommy's on Larry King. So she pulls it up, watches it. She calls me crying.

Crying. She goes, you hurt me so bad. And I was like, what did I say? Because I thought I was like, oh, my mom's some dumb ass. I thought I said something super insulting to her. I'm like, what? She goes, whee. And this is what made her cry.

It means there's something that long believed to be true and then realized wasn't. Jesus is our Lord and Savior. You made him laugh. That made my mother bawl. That was it. And what's interesting is that you've said so many horrendous things in all of your comedy specials every week on this show.

You basically call her a retard every week on this show. And that doesn't seem to faze her. I couldn't think of what I don't like to eat. He was like, what's your food? Because he doesn't like eggs. I was like, you don't like eggs? Gants down. He doesn't like eggs.

But I couldn't think of olives, which is what I hate. You hate olives. But I said oysters, which I don't mind. Yeah, you like oysters. I know, but I just felt the pressure. And I was like, ah, oysters. I hate them. What was it?

Gants down. So yeah. Anyways, Larry King really was, I mean, it was a trip for me to be on that show. Because when I grew up, he was on CNN for 25 years. So my entire childhood high school college, you put on CNN. CNN used to be like an anchor sitting at a desk,

just reading news for most of the day. And then they had programming like Larry King Live, where he would interview pop culture people, politicians. And so he really was a fixture. I remember getting the publicist call, like, do you want to do Larry King? And I was like, fuck yes. Oh my gosh.

Yeah, I was so excited. Well, you are not. I mean, you're very happy there. Again, I don't ever see you that joyful in our private life. So that's kind of neat to see you happy. And you look really good. Thanks. The blue jacket looks really nice.

It is. People have told me they really like jackets. It's a really great color. Yeah. But were you taken aback at how he was, his degeneration? No. No. Were you taken aback when he said Sokka Souffle?

Were you like, oh. No, I think they just happened in the moment. Like the Wahlberg thing, we've heard tons of people not be able to say Wahlberg. Yeah, that's true. And so that made sense. And the Sokka Souffle, he just misheard me. I mean, it was just funny that he said,

I said, Sokka Souffle, he's like, Sokka Souffle? Like it was just one of those things where he just didn't hear me well, you know? Sokka Souffle. Yeah. But anyway, he really is a legend. So big, big shout out. And the suspenders were his thing.

Yeah, the suspenders. The more suspenders. I was like, how much did you smoke? Seven packs a day at one point. He did? Yeah. And then he was rocking three packs a day for a good minute. I mean, he has that really, that voice is a smoker's voice.

But he quit like 40, 50 years ago. Good for him. Seven packs a day? Well, that's true. He's dead. But anyway, recipe is Larry King. How old was he? 80 something, 86 or something like that.

He was up there. I'm really getting nervous about age and mortality. Remember that we watched a documentary about the villages in Florida, the old people place? Yeah. It looked kind of awesome. I kind of, I want to go there. The villages?

That documentary is great. Right, it's not called the villages though. No, it's called a little piece of heaven. Some kind of heaven. Well, because I was discussing with my friend that you're going to die before me. And so what am I going to do? You're going to go to the villages.

I think I will. But the villages or the some piece of heaven is a really interesting doc because, so the villages was originally built for like 800 residents. And now there's 120,000. And it's just basically, they bill it as Disneyland for retirees. They're going to say retardities, didn't you hear him say?

Nope, retirees. And you get this sense that they're telling people, they even open the doc with, you can't say you're bored, you can't say you're not having fun, right? That's the big kind of general blanket statement about it. Then they follow four people and profile them in more depth. And the thing that I left this doc thinking about and feeling is just how sad loneliness is, especially at the end.

Because there's people that are lonely on that thing. And it's not just like a bummer doc, but you really get to dive into these people's lives. And the one playboy, man, so this guy was like a bachelor his whole life. And he's 81 now. And he's living in a van. And he's just targeting wealthy older women.

But he's like a hustler. He's hustling them. And he's really down and out at one point. And it's really sad because no one will send the money. Or you realize he's out of options. And then he goes and he, I mean, I'm giving away, sorry, like details here. But he goes and he sees like a lady

that he clearly had passed with. And he's like, are you going to let me stay with you? And she says, yes, she's 30 years younger than him or something, 20 years younger than him. He says, yes. And then you see him bummed out that his bachelor persona has the brakes put on it. You see him like the life leaving it

because he's like going along. She's like, well, I'm going to go to the grocery store. And he's like, OK. They hate the banality of that. He hates it. He hates it. So you see him. He was really sad when he was trying to find someone.

But that was his personality. To go from gig to gig. But then when he gets the gig, he's like, mm. That's so true. I'm very familiar with this personality type. Let's just say I grew up very intimately with this personality. It's like they so desperately yearn for someone

to care for them. And then when that person comes along, they hate them. They resent them. And then it's like, I want to be free. I want to be free. I got free. I'm free. I'm free.

I like being free. I hate being free. It's a prison. And then it's a prison being with somebody. Well, you can see that it's this guy's cycle. Like it's his 50 year cycle. Yeah. Devastating.

Yeah, it was really. That's what I like. Because you just see old people. And sometimes you're like, well, they're just old. They're content to have lunch and a place to stay. But when you watch this doc and they really profile these different people, you're like, oh, it's exactly the same as middle aged or 30 year old.

It's like the same complicated life. It's not necessarily simple just because the person's old. What depresses me is when they are like, well, I had a husband. He died a year and a half ago because he was like 80. And then what do you do? Do you go find another old husband who's just going to die off in another year?

Like you form these bonds of people that are just going to leave you in such a short time, which is so depressing. But what I liked about the villages is that they built that place in mind, like having the boomers in mind, meaning how they grew up, how the places looked. So they'll make the actual physical spaces look as though they're in the 1950s.

I was like, that's cool. I hope they do that for Gen X. You know what I'm saying? Like, by the time I'm there, they'll just play like MTV, like old MTV and Cindy Lauper and Prince everywhere. Yeah, they will. It'll all be different. I'd like that very much. And that's where you will retire?

Yeah. I was thinking that. And then I could just hook up with younger dudes. And that'll be fine. Where did this come from? Because they won't die on me like you're going to die. And then I'll go with my girlfriends and then we'll get a place in Miami or something

or in the villages. What the fuck? I'm planning this shit out. It's going to be dope. This has nothing to do with what we were talking about. You're banging young dudes. Yeah, I think that's the way to go. I am a young dude compared to you.

Only by three years? It doesn't count. That's a fucking lifetime. Not in middle age. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. Yeah. We're lucky to have each other, I will say.

Yeah, we are. Because you've got a lot of weird stuff. What do you mean? Well, we had this discussion in bed the other day when you were running a new sketch idea by me. It's written now. Sure. And you were like, do you think I

could get so-and-so this famous actress? And I was like, not if they want to work again. And you were like, what are you talking about? You were genuinely dumbfounded as to why an A-lister actress wouldn't want to record the sketch. Which, by the way, I think is a really good sketch. I'm not disagreeing with you. I think it's really funny.

I'm just saying you're going to have a really hard time casting A-lister people to do it. Because? It's a bit weird and violent. Like, for instance, when we did the YMH Live and we did sketches, would you like to pitch some of the ideas you had originally? Yeah.

Lindsay, OK, go ahead. Just go ahead. Well, I did have the sketch where we end up doing it together. You play the abusive girlfriend. Yeah, you're the abusive, thankless, spoiled girlfriend. And so I kind of lose it on you. Kind of lose it. Do you want to qualify?

You want to talk about that? But what do you mean originally? Originally, it was that we go on the day and you make fun of my car. And so in the car, when I snap, I take your head, I smash it on the dashboard. And then I push it through the window. And then it's an accidental, you accidentally die.

And a guy watched it. And Lindsay said it was too aggressive and too violent. And he thought that people might react poorly to it. And that nobody, no reputable casting people would even look at it. No, that's after I made it better. He still said that people said that. So then I turned it into what we shot,

which was throwing the rock from my rock collection at you. And he said that the casting people were like, we can't send this to people. And why? Why is that? They said it was too much. Too much, how? They said it was too many jokes, too funny.

Too funny. But do you understand what about that might be too much? Yeah, I think that people are scared, people are weak, and they don't want to take risks and work with real artists. Right. OK, do you think for a second that maybe it was too violent and that maybe somebody doesn't want to be associated with that kind of content?

I guess so. And then that lets me know right away that you're somebody I don't want to know either. Well, there's a reason I was cast to play the woman in that sketch. Right, because you weren't going to do it originally. Well, I'm not a great, right, and I was not, I had no idea. I'm not an actor, but I did it because I'm the only woman

we could find who is dumb enough to do something like that. This is a great point. Yeah, I'm stupid. And I don't care, because I don't want to act in Hollywood. It's fine. I don't care. I just want to be a stand-up comedian. This also, this reminds me, though.

You told me something that I didn't know. I have no recollection of. You told me that when I was a young whippersnapper, I was doing a set in the belly room. Yes, and I watched you. You watched me, and you told me a joke that I said that I don't recall. And then you told me that it put you off.

It did. And that you were like, I don't think I really like him. Dude, first of all, yeah. I don't remember this at all. You know what's funny is that I've been carrying this memory for 15 years. And every time I think, should I tell Tom this memory, I'm like, well, no, I don't want to hurt his feelings.

But I feel as though you and I are solid, that I can tell you the memory, and it's fine. Of course you can tell me. So back when we were baby comedians. I must have been. 23. Maybe you just landed in L.A. You were just at the, you were in the belly room.

So we weren't past the comedies, or we were just doing the side rooms. And I remember being in the back of the room, and I had a boyfriend at the time. I wasn't looking at you sexually, but I was like, Tom Seger is really attractive. I wonder what kind of a person this guy is. And I was just intrigued, you know?

And I'm watching you, and I'm watching you, and you're just so handsome, and the light is just really nice on you. Like you look, you look really cute. And then you go, you guys ever have a one night stand and then don't shower so that you let the stink stay on you for a few extra days. And I remember being like, I'm out of here.

Like I immediately was just like, this guy's a fucking animal. Like who, first of all, admits to that. Like that is so nasty. He's so nasty. And secondly, I didn't, I wasn't, I'm not a one night stand gal. I just, I just can't.

And so that, I was like, gosh, if I ever would want to date him, I wouldn't because. He's nasty. You're a one night stand kind of guy. And that's not, I'm not interested in that dude. Yeah. But then I was, then I thought about it. And I'm like, that's kind of cool that he shared

that thought. Like that's really creative, and really creative risk. And then I liked you because you took a risk creatively. But personally, I was like, I would never date that guy. I would never date that guy. Cause flash forward to the guy I was dating at the time, he had just, I think passed his bar exam. That's right.

And we took him to a strip club. And I was like, well, let's get my boyfriend a lap dance. Cause at the time we were on the outs and I was like, I don't give a shit. Like we'll be done soon. And I asked the guys, we were with Ryan and met full full strong. Hey, which, which stripper should I choose

to give my boyfriend a lap dance? And they go, ask Tommy. I asked Tom Segura. And so that was the strike too. I was like, oh, this guy's a fucking degenerate. Like ask Tom which stripper to get. Tom has one night stands and leaves a stink on his dingling. And I'm like, this guy's a fucking red flags.

Like in terms of some guy would never date. Yeah. And then you also made another comment. You said that, that no normal woman would tolerate me. No, no. It has to be a damaged woman. Yeah, like me. Like first of all, you got me in my twenties

when I was the wires were crossed. Let's just say mama had some damage. Like my dad is a narcissistic alcoholic. My stepfather was a sociopathic criminal. So my male guidelines were pretty loose. So a guy who just showed up, had a car, didn't drink, gamble, do drugs. You were like aces.

So I could overlook a multitude of flags. Feels good. Feels good to hear. But you've really turned into quite a great husband and father. Thank you. Wait, what was the other red flag? You said that no woman would tolerate. Oh yeah, because even now like the other day I was like,

do you even, all your nicknames for me are just terrible. It's like floppers, slobbers, tits, triple D slut, wife, pig, pig, slut, tits, come here hooker. You're always demeaning me. And I'm like in the beginning of the relationship, you used to call me like Boo Boo Chicken or Sweetheart or just anything nice and 15 years deep. And it's all insult.

And you think most normal women, if I was like, hey, come here. You know what you say to me? Come here, you big titted animal. That's literally what you say to me when you want to make marital love to me. Come here, you big titted animal. And then you fart on me all the time. You piss on me in the shower.

And you think most women would be like, no. No, it's not rockin'. Absolutely not. Put the brakes on this. Absolutely not. Call your friends that you went to college with and tell them to pitch the sketch to me that you pitched to me the other day.

What you suggested. They would be like, you need a medical assistance. You need to see a doctor because something's wrong with you. I promise you. And ask which wives put up with calling them big titted animals and demeaning them. I'll have you know, I think a lot of ladies out there

would be like, this is exactly what I'm looking for. That's because our listeners are just as troubled as I am. I'm talking like regular normal women, no way. No way. No way. No way. What do you think? But I think they would think that I'm charming and playful.

And sweet. Okay. Because I'm saying it while I'm being sweet. You know? Maybe that's why it passes. Yeah. But then I was saying that you too tolerate a lot of my disgusting habits

every boyfriend before you was not cool with my farts. I'm there now. I'm there now. I'm totally there now. Now I see what they were looking at. You're so nasty. You fart all day. All you do is fart.

You talk about farts. You shit. Yeah. You talk about shits. I'm over it. I'm good. Stop it. You're so nasty.

You're saying you're over it. Is this the end of the road with us? Yeah. No. You're not gonna make me be a lady, are you? I think it's time. I think it's time. No.

You can't do this to me. Yeah. Are you being serious? Mm-hmm. I want you to be very ladylike. Oh, fuck yourself. That wasn't a good start. That's not a good start.

I asked you for a ladylike behavior and you told me to go fuck myself. Yeah. It's not. That's not nice. Babe, I can't. Could you realize how much I had to stop being myself when I was with those guys, though?

They did not let me fart and stuff and talk about my shits. I hated it. I'm with them. I'm on their side. But you know why you tolerate it? Why? Because you have two pig sisters and pig cousins

and there's a lot of girls in your family that are pigs and savages. Yeah. So you're used to it. True. Because ultimately I think women are bigger pigs. Yeah. The big, you know, the mainstream media

will have you believe that men are pigs but if you go on a cue site, you'll find out that it's actually women. A cue site. The challenge. Juan by Steve Amecha. A lot of people saying these days that I say Juan incorrectly, like they say I should be saying one.

I think it's Juan. They say one. How about that? Who is that? That's Ariel Hauwani, the big MMA journalist. Oh, wow. Yeah. Guy does, he interviews all the big fighters

and everybody in, you know, notable in MMA and he's on my side. Juan. Yeah. Juan. Yeah. Juan. Juan.

Juan. So now I was working on converting to the one side and now I'm going back to Juan. I like Juan. Yeah. I want, I believe Juan, Sua Santica. Sua Santica is definitely correct. Juan.

Definitely correct. Native, what's the, am I supposed to open this? Yeah. So I, you know, it's just been such a rough and tumble year. It's been hard on all of us. I think we're all real thankful that things have been going as well as they have over here. And, you know, what I wanted to do

was show a little appreciation and first, I'd like to ask you if the name Jorge Casillas means anything to you. Jorge Casillas? Yeah, maybe if you play, before you open that, maybe if you play the video that's in that folder that says a gift, maybe it'll remind you who Jorge is. Oh, Jesus man.

Is this his head? That's the head injury. Yeah. This is his severed head. And if you remember, he was the CEO of a company. Yes. That made Tequila. Yes, I remember that.

So as a thank you to you guys, I want to get you guys a bottle of some of his top notch Tequila. Oh, thank you, maiden. Really nice of you. I don't want to see him die again. That's surprising to me here. Thank you for the alcohol.

Yeah. I will be pushing past my inability to smell and taste to drink this. All right, this is probably going to sound really cool. It sounds good on audio. Everyone listening right now is really proud. Thank you for opening that on the air. Okay, I'm getting there.

That's really what really wrapped. All right. Thank you, native. That's really nice of you. That's a sweet of you. Yeah, no problem. You guys are really good bosses and that's just a little thank you.

That's really nice. Also, I'm so proud of you. Should we do a big YMH debut? Oh, that's lovely. What brand is this called? It's called Galindo. Galindo. Galindo Blanco.

Thank you. I love Tequila. That makes me crazy. Rest in peace. Jorge, was it? Jorge Casillas. Rest in peace, Jorge. Before we get into dates,

I would love to give Nadav proper credit. Should we debut his new chompers? Of course. I am so excited for you. This is big. Yeah. Nadav, you did it. You did do it.

Tell us about the experience. Yeah, it's been a long time in the making. Well, I mean, yeah, I mean, I was trying to, I actually tried to get my teeth went like right when coronavirus started. And then, you know, a whole bunch of shit got in the way and closed down and I couldn't really do it anymore. Yeah.

And then in December, when we had like staff on the couch, the number one comment I heard was like, Jesus Christ, Nadav, your teeth are fucking disgusting. I was like, all right, well, you know what? Let's do something about it. So, good for you, man. You know, a lot of people don't go, let's do something about it.

Well, yeah, I mean, like, don't get me wrong. I love flogging myself. Yeah, of course. Like, oh yeah, well, this is good ammo. Like, you're a piece of shit in a dot. You know, it all helps me, you know? Yes. And people wonder why celebrities go nuts

with the facial stuff, with surgeries. It's because you constantly get that kind of feedback and you're always looking at yourself and it's really easy to go down a rabbit hole. But this was such a needed thing for you. Look at those chompers. They look beautiful. You've got really nice teeth.

And they were just buried under shades of yellow and now they're so much nicer. Yeah, they're a lot nicer. It's, I got it all done in one session. You feel like you're gonna go revisit again? Yeah, I'm not letting this get away from me again. Like, I'm going back to go get some trays, which is, I mean, I think that's kind of bullshit.

I didn't realize that getting your teeth away and came with homework. So I'm a little bummed about that. But it's like, yeah, I gotta keep this up, you know? I don't want to get the yellow teeth comment again. Yeah. Good for you, man. Good for you.

Thank you. So last week, we played for you this cool video. Hey, Natalia, it's Elliot. So I finally got my video studio up and running. I couldn't help myself. I wanted to shoot this video to invite you to Curio this Wednesday at 7 p.m. We could do six or eight, depending on the schedule.

But my schedule's just pretty tight. When I'm not bartending, I'm shooting videos like this. Outreach to the dentist, get on my phone, selling them, taking care of their ads, all that stuff. So it's intense. It's so embarrassing. I feel so bad for him. I really like him.

And I like him. I like him. Well, you're gonna really like this. Hey, Christina. It's Elliot. So I finally got my video studio up and running. Couldn't help myself. I wanted to shoot this video and invite you to Disneyland

this Wednesday at 7 p.m. for Jedi training camp. Listen, man, I could do six, 45 or 75, depending on the schedule, but my schedule's pretty tight. When I'm not bartending, I'm shooting videos like this. Outreach to the dentist, getting them on the phone, taking care of their ads, part-time DJ, yoga instructor, self-defense guru. So look, brother, Disneyland, awesome spot in Anaheim.

You've obviously never heard of it. It is literally the best kept hidden gem secret in the city. But I mean, you've got to go just your own self-education about what is awesome in the OC. Oh my God. This is amazing. Look, obviously I'm attracted to you. You're attracted to me.

You're obviously a smart girl because you're attracted to me. We're obviously two catches that, you know, actually came together. I think we should definitely hang out, mister. Let's not let ourselves get too busy on break, because I know I'll probably get super busy. You'll probably get super busy there, Mr. Guy, because whilst beauty is very common,

beauty, brains, and big wet sloppers is not. Whoa! See, I'm not only telling stories, I'm changing lives. I mean, look at me, I got a green screen. Come on, so yeah, man, let's chill, have a conversation. Green lights, I like that. See ya, fella. Text me back if you're interested.

Bye. Holy shit. So this was sent in by Anthony, what is it, Missiano? His IG is HowdyAnthony. Anthony, that was really funny. It was really funny. He keeps calling her mister. Her, you.

Well, you know what I mean, mister, fella, that is brilliant. Elmbray. Elmbray. And he got the same exact background. Yeah, it's great. As Elliot did, which means it's a stock background. Of course, yeah, it's a green screen, yeah.

Oh man. Like default background. That was so good. It's great, really funny stuff, Anthony. Man. Yeah. That's really funny. Yes.

Oh my God. Oh man. So on the 20th. Mister. On inauguration day, I happened to open my Instagram. Oh yeah. And I was tagged like I had just put out a special. Me too, I was nervous.

Like it was 99 plus, I was like, what? And all these stories, and it was like hundreds of stories, right? Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. And it was all of you notifying me that Garth was singing at the inauguration it really was. I thought for a minute that I had insulted somebody

and I was going, I'd gone viral in a bad way. You know, when you get notified that much, you're like, uh-oh, what did I say? And then I was like, oh, it's just Garth. They're just shitting on Garth, thank God, thank God. It was a relief. I was like, what's happening? Yeah.

Before he did the inauguration song where he sang Amazing Grace, I believe, he did pre-inauguration interview about it. Here's some of the stuff from that. I think she said it best. Unity, love them one another, man. That's kind of what you spent your time doing. And as a singer, that's what you get to sing about.

So this is a great day in our household. This is not a political statement. This is a statement of unity. He had to say that over and over and over again because his fans were like, why are you singing at the stolen inauguration? And if you went to his page that day, there was, it was the first time you saw even more people,

like usually it's just YMH comments. And it was people that were like, I'm done with you. You lost a fan for like, because he was singing at the inauguration of these stolen collection. This is kind of how I get to serve this country. Our father served as a United States Marine and the Korean War had brothers that served

in the Air Force and the Army. This is my chance to get to serve. You know what it is, Tom? I think it's that he has to be so deeply connected to every statement he makes. He can't just be like, yeah, I just wanna perform it, you know, at the inauguration. And he's like, my daddy, my brother,

my uncle, dad, and Nagasaki. We're like, nobody, what are you doing? Just to fucking sing the song and shut up. That's your job. Because he's deeper than that. Oh my God. It was disturbing, it was sad. I try to remember though, we are the human race.

So I'm always gonna find sunny sides in there. This is a longer conversation probably between me and you, Jimmy, but the fact that we do make choices very much on the spur of the moment. Ideal in music, ideal in raw emotion. That's what it is. It's because he's wearing a lot of shine.

Now people were talking about, he's got some great hair plugs apparently. Oh, lovely. So on the left, on the left, he might just have the sprinkle juice in there. Cause they'll, you know, that looks kind of like, like, yeah. So this happened to me the first time,

like, I don't know, six, seven years ago, it was like a TV show or something I was doing. They're like, oh, you want us to, and it's like a pepper shaker. And like when you're like, now I'm bald here, but when it was like thinning and you still have darker hair, they just put it in, it's like a pepper shaker

and it fills in the gaps, you know? So you can see him on the right there, 2016. So it's either he got some fresh pepper or he's had the hair restoration, which, you know, they do a great job now. Well, like people, hair restoration, I've seen amazing stuff. Look at Elon Musk.

Elon. His hair looks amazing. Brian Erlacher, Dion, like they have incredible hair. So there he is. Oh, it's a little dark. I wouldn't. No, that's before you. Oh, oh, sorry, okay.

It's still too dark, whoever dyed it there. It's real thin. Because the beard is super light. You gotta match the beard a bit if you're gonna cheat up top. Oh, oh. That's at the inauguration. He's got a lot of, you know what he looks like.

Remember, was it at baseball games, people would wear those obnoxious wigs, remember? With like the visor, it's like a hat piece with the hair, spiky hair. It looks a little like that, obnoxious. Look how full that is. It's really full. I'm not sure.

Yeah, that's what it looks like. It does kind of look like that. I'm not so sure. What do you think? I wonder if I should hit him up, like through back channels to find out who did his hair. Because we have a similar build and a similar face and similar hair.

Why not? Yeah, you can try. G and I got the same hair restoration. Ask Agent Jeans to hit him up. But do you like how it looks? Now look. I'm trying to, here's the thing, instinctively, I don't think it looks great.

Really? Yeah, because if you look at Elon Musk's hair, it looks really good compared to what he looked like before. That is, that you can't even detect. I wonder who did his. You look at him before and after. He looks awesome now. That's amazing.

Fuck. He lost his hair prematurely. It looks like he was very young. Does this say how, where he did his? Let me Google that. Did I click that link? That right there. Great.

How he did it. Yeah. So, let's see. Elon Musk, extraordinary accomplishments. Let's see his balding scalp. Okay. Elon used the changes here. Okay.

Scroll down. Wow. Yep. Okay. I'm wondering. I think it was just a speculation. What kind of hair did Elon use? Okay.

The big question has to do with what exactly, to bring that back, like many magnets. Let's bring this to the analysis. Hair loss medication. Okay, so there's, and then. Finasteride and Mininonoxide. Hair transplant. It's gotta be.

It's gotta be a transplant. There's no way. Hair plugs. You know who I heard talking about? Like, and I don't know who he referred to in it, but the owner of the 76ers. He was in, did an interview that I saw, and he was talking about all kinds of stuff,

and then they mentioned his, sorry, is it not the 70, the guy below there, with Meek Mill, right there. That dude. That guy. What are we? What's his name? Mike Rupa.

Yeah. Yeah, that's him. So dude, his name, hair, yeah. Where's the song? I know, he's so fucking terrible at this. There's so much dead air, it's like painful. Where's Zolo? Let Zolo fucking look.

He's younger. This dude was on, yeah, see? He was on an interview show. Oh, he's bald there. Right. And now he has that. Nice guy. That looks better.

Yeah, yeah. That looks much better. So that's kind of what, that looks like that's what Garth went for. But he said that in this interview, that he was like, oh, I saw the guy everybody's seeing, like the best guy. Oh, there's a guy.

Yeah, I think he said it was a guy in Chicago. Yeah, and Deon's is crazy too. Deon Sanders, he, you'll see it here. He was, I mean, he would just, he rocked the full, big bald head, and now he has a full fucking head of hair. Wow. Look at that. That looks great too.

God, it's such a difference, isn't it? That's bananas. Yeah. I would want to hit up his guy, but I'd be like, do you do white hair? You know, I don't know, like if it's just. Just for black guys? There's Erlacher right there.

He's got a full head of hair now too. Looks good. Look, they can. What if I just show up on an episode here with like a full fucking head of hair? Try it, try it out. Yeah. Try it out.

Okay. I mean, look, you've got the resources. You may as well. If you, do you have the will though? It's probably intensive. You've always been kind of like, yeah, I just shave it. I don't care.

Yeah, I am. I know, I'm kind of, that's what I kind of feel like. Different. Unless you really are motivated, it's going to take sessions. Lots of sessions. I need to talk to one of them about it. You need to talk to Garth.

She won't get on the phone with me, but I think I can get one of the football players to. Try it out. Yeah. What do you think of Garth's hair? Yeah, I think, I mean, first of all, you know, same thing, he's got the time, he's got the resources. Like he did what made him feel good, you know?

You know what he's doing too is the fat guy beard trim. Yeah. He's cutting it right there where the chin should be. Yeah. It's a tough move. You got to go lower, right? Yeah, also, there's no excuse if you're that wealthy. I know.

To not get it together. I know. You know? I understand he's got to maintain the every man persona, but you can also just clean yourself up and have the right people doing your hair, you know? Yeah, well, I just mean like, you know, why isn't there just like a nutritionist

that lives on campus? And he's got the hot dog neck too. I see how he puts his head back. That's what I'm saying. He's got the fat roll. Spend the money. On the back of the neck. Spend the money, dude.

Spend the money. Yeah, get the trainer in there. Get the trainer over there. The chef. What's the problem? Yeah, it's time. Why are you drawing a fucking beard on? I don't know.

I think he looks better natural. I'm not digging the dark hair on top. I'm just not. I don't like it. I don't know. I just feel like if you thin out, you just got to keep it short like mine. Yeah, I know.

I think, but you're lucky you have a handsome face and head. Like you look great. Mm-hmm. You look great. Thank you. Thank you. But this, I don't know. Okay, so here's another one I want to ask.

You finally came around. I wasn't expecting this. Yeah. But you came around and told me the other day that you like murder now. Yes. This is a huge revelation. Because for many years, I've been avoiding the dark side

of humanity, that darkness, because I'm afraid someone's going to hurt me if I listen to those things. But then I listened to this podcast, The Apology Line. I am hooked, because it goes into the darkness of people that commit bad crimes and stuff. I started listening to it, and it's captivating. Woo!

The Apology Line podcast, produced by Wondry. So, I guess it was the 80s? Yeah, it started in the 80s. Like really early 80s. This guy set up, put up flyers, and started The Apology Line, which was a way for people in New York, because it was just like in the city,

could see this flyer, and you could essentially confess your crime, or whatever you wanted to apologize for. You can apologize for whatever you want. For anything. I wronged this person. I stole something. I, you know, I mistreated somebody.

Whatever you want, and then it would be, they asked you not to leave identifying characteristics. Like, don't say your name. Right. Don't be too clear about who you are, because this will be publicly played. But it was just like this cathartic experience of saying, I'm sorry, getting it out there.

And this thing became wildly popular. Well, it became really popular, and there's a bunch of ramifications to putting up something like that. You might hear things, you don't want to hear that the police might have to get involved in. And he was like, I'm not going to call the police, so, but it will be publicly played.

Right, stuff like that. And then you also find out how it affected him. Hearing these people confess things, and what his role becomes as this line evolves and changes. I'm not going to give away too much, but. Yeah, it's a captivating lesson. One point, he gets really engaged with a man who says he's really killing people.

And I start, when you start to really listen to how these guys think, it becomes an interesting psychology experiment. I'm always interested in humans. Yeah. And when you get to really, the reason I don't like those TV shows is because it's just the gratuitous stuff of like,

and then he kills three bodies, and then there's like the bloody photo, but I want to hear why they think like that. What's wrong with them? I'm always like, why, why, why? I want to know why. Yeah. So if there are shows like that,

where they get to the whys of it, and I want to hear the killer talking, that's what's interesting. It's like the Night Sucker talk. Man, that was really scary. That jag off. That knucklehead. It was absolutely.

Yeah. But I don't like to stir in the pot the whole time. I don't want to know the actual killings. Yeah. The killings are pretty brutal. Yikes. But now I'm into the dark side of the forest. So what shows are we going to be watching?

Got a lot of things ready for you. But what can we watch that profiles the mind of the killer? Oh, I have one for you. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, I like that stuff now. I'm into the mind stuff. I got a good one for you.

Like what makes people that dark? It's so fucking crazy. Just looking for fun. Looking for fun. Trying to have fun. Time parties. Yeah. Anyway, speaking of darkness and interesting things

in the human psyche, we got some feedback from the paramedic from the last episode who sells her panties. We asked her to write this. So thank you so much. From, this is, her name is Candy. Come now. So if you recall, this paramedic was selling her panties. Yes.

Dick's heart again. Yep. In April, my hours were cut due to COVID. Because people were so terrified of catching it, they stopped calling us for minor things that they shouldn't be calling an ambulance for anyway. I needed a side hustle, so I Googled how to make extra money online.

I came across an article about selling panties and decided to make an account on one of the many panty selling sites. You pay a monthly fee to set up an online shop using their platform. If you sell one pair, the membership has paid for itself. I didn't realize how common it is for men to want these used WAP panties.

I also started selling face masks. Slap a face mask between your legs for a few hours and you've got a very happy perverted man somewhere. Oh my God. Who is smelling your hoo-ha all day and only you and him know. So you put a face mask on that. I'm assuming like the kind that you peel

that women are always putting on and then it takes like a mold of you. No, she's talking about the mask that we're all wearing. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you meant a face mask like a collagen one. I'm like, oh, that's interesting. I didn't know it would peel off perfectly in the smell. Oh.

So that he's sniffing as he's walking around with his mask, he's sniffing your box. Yeah. Let's do that. That is wild. Man, that's a whole other business I should be doing. I have also fulfilled requests for the following. Okay, are you guys ready?

This is what else you can buy online from Candy the Paramedic. Here we go. Let's hear it. Euron sold. Oh, oh my gosh. Euron sold by the ounce. Saliva sold by the ounce.

Sold by the ounce. Female ejaculate feces. Now that's just money in the bank, yeah. Used pillowcase. I mean, easy socks, of course. Sweaty workout clothing and bras. Now the workout clothing, I suspect is a premium because Lululemon pants are very expensive.

Yeah, maybe she doesn't give them those. Maybe it's the target brand ones that I have, yeah. The not wiping thing comes last if you're smart. If you're smart, she writes in parentheses. If they want skid marks or no wipe after peeing, I do that right before I take them off and vacuum seal them. Vacuum seal them. I love that.

I make 40K, sorry, I made it 40K in 2020 on this alone. My husband thinks it's funny, weird, gross, all of the things a normal, rational human being would feel about this particular line of kinks. I'll send you something for your bookshelf, unopened, of course, but I'm not gonna send anything without your consent.

Love from Nashville, Candy. That's okay, Candy, we don't need a sample. We believe you. I believe you, thank you, Candy. I think her husband thought it was funny and weird and then he was like, that 40K is pretty cool. That's pretty good, money in my pocket. I keep setting those panties out.

You wanna read this one? Oh, okay. Fascinating. Kinks, I've seen as an, oh, okay. Hi, Christina and Ted. I was listening to your most recent episode and wanted to share my favorite and weirdest kink requests I've had as a creator on OnlyFans.

Giantist kink. This is, I get about two of these a month, but people request videos or pictures where I look like a giant, thrown on the ground, me standing over it. They want me to talk about how tiny and pathetic they are and user requests that look like I'm stepping on them.

The sneezing kink. I've only had one request, multiple sneezing videos from me. They literally just get off on sneezes. I just sniff pepper for a few minutes and sneeze as many times as I can and cha-ching. Easy, this is all easy money, girls. Chastity kink. This is usually a request for videos pretending

I found a key to a man's chastity cage. Then I proceed to tease them about how I won't unlock it even though I know they want me to. Dick rates. This one isn't the weirdest, but it is 100% the most popular among OnlyFans creators. I get like 10 of these a day. Guys just send a dick pic and ask you to rate their dick.

Sometimes it turns into small penis humiliation session, et cetera. And this last one is a one-time request a friend of mine got that still kills me to this day. The person requested that she give him a list of foods and he would eat, that he would get those foods, shove them up his ass, take them out and then eat them. He wanted to record that and then have her

record a video of her watching it. Love the show. I'll send any other crazy kinks that come my way to expand your knowledge, sincerely a queen over 18. I mean, if this isn't money left on the table here. I mean, I don't know, I don't want to hear anybody complaining that the job situation isn't good. Unemployment says who?

You ladies are just lazy at this point. I mean, I've told you many times, you know, stop sitting around and start hustling. You know, you have a box, huh? At the very least. You got an asshole, you got a pair of tits. A used pillow case. I mean, that's like not even,

we could be selling ours right now. Yeah, I like that you're like, we need to get on this too. Yeah, socks, I got a ton of those. Not a big deal. Bra's, those are harder to come by, you know, a good bra. I don't want a part with a good bra. I hear you.

Right. Saliva? No. You got a lot of that. Who wants that? You're in. Just put a mask down on your couch for a couple hours. Vacuum seal it.

That's what I'm talking about. 30 bucks, boom. That is so easy to do. Yeah, you can get that box of like, you know, 100 of the ones that, like the sterile ones. Yeah. You start walking around with like stuff like six of those in your crotch, go for a run.

Doesn't that make you wonder how many guys right now are walking around in masks that have crotch juice on them? Now I am. Yeah. Like how many dirt bags out there? So you just got to look at the mask and look at their crotch and be like, oh, you're Dixard. You got a pussy mask on.

Oh man, that is great. So now this also email came in. I think you should read it because it's your line of reasoning here. Oh, Crystal's date with the king. Okay. Hey, there is Christine's apprehension to go on a date with the king is completely R worded.

This is the potential for possibly the greatest content ever. And she's just going to piss it away, not even sell those piss soaked panties. It is incredibly hypocritical for Crystal to call herself ride or die, but then get all wishy-washy when the king wants to take her out. Yet another case of stolen valor.

How can she stand next to a true rider die like sweet, sweet Josh Potter who literally went into the lion's den, got the full frontal RPC treatment and through the obvious agony of tit cups. Also the case of the dove, everyone's favorite J who at your request shaved his head and looked completely talked for months.

So I say either let the king take you to a nice dinner, most likely at the Olive Garden, adjacent to the Ohio Park or be stamped the stolen valor champ for all of eternity. Piss on me, beat me, you're huge fan, John. Well, John, listen. I agree that we've all made sacrifices for this show. Nadab shaving his head, whitening his teeth,

Potter going to RPC's den, Dr. Drew going to RPC's den. Absolutely. You getting that cool injury just for the video. Just to do a show. Josh Zola who goes through all the shit and docking of inner parts and he makes a strong point. King, I accept your date.

And I look forward to our time in Ohio. I think that's where he lives, right? It is, yeah. I will come to you because I don't think you should come out here because of- Work hard, play hard. COVID. Living hard.

COVID. Live life 365. That's what you're doing right now. King, I would love to go out to dinner with you, treat me like the queen I am. I want to know what we're going to do though. Can you give me an itinerary, an idea of how you're going to treat me like a lady beforehand

before I really commit? You guys got it. No, I'm not going to fucking marry. But King, I have to warn you, I'm married woman. I don't shoot on my husband, so. But it's cool if you want to second base his cool. What's second base again? Is that boobs?

Oh, because he likes to see boobs. Come on. Yeah? Babe, you would let me show him. Show him? Let him play with him. No, Tom. Anyway, King, I do want to go on a date with you,

so let's hook it up. Suck it dry. Okay, you come. Take it easy, fuck it. All right, so she'll see you soon, and yeah, we just got to make the arrangements. We have to make the arrangements. I like to wait until it stops snowing in Ohio before I go.

Yeah, so let's, you know. April? Yeah. Before we go here, this is pretty exciting. Gosh. Wrestling, you know, show, the AEW show, that Cody Rhodes wrestles on, and he does the Go Big show,

where they fucked up Bert's name twice last week. They tried to get it right this week. No. Go Big show, Thursday night on TBS, Cody Rhodes, of course, Snoop Dogg, Jennifer Nettles, Rosario Dawson, and Bert Krishna. Bert Krishna. So now there's.

Bert Krishna. Bruce Kreitzer. Bert Krishna. Three. Three times. Bert Krishna. Bert Krishna. Bruce Kreitzer.

Bruce Krishna. Bert Krishna. Bert Krishna. Krishna is my favorite. Yeah, it's a good one. Bruce Krishna would be a good stage name. Bruce Krishna. Yeah.

Oh. It's pretty cool. Yeah, he's upset about that, right? Don't you bring this up on two bears? Yeah. It's pretty exciting. Does he really get upset? No, no, I think he realized that you just have to accept it

and roll with it. Yeah. Because there's no point in getting upset. Wow. All right, let's take a break and we'll be back in a moment. Hi, Jeans, you're back. We're here, we're queer, get used to us. With us today is one of my favorite people.

She has such an impressive resume. You might have seen her on the movie Julia and Julia, which I love, Legally Blonde 2, Sweet Home Alabama. You might know her from such iconic programs as 24. Hello, Mr. Show, The Larry Sander Show, Mary Lynn Rice Cub, everybody. Oh my goodness. Thank you.

What an impressive resume. I can't clap. I know. That is, yeah, it is an impressive resume. You can't clap because you're too impressed. No, he broke his hand. That is exactly right. Yeah, I didn't break my hand.

I broke my arm, and now my hand doesn't work. So good to see you. But what are you working on this? Where are you at with it? Yeah, I can do like that kind of stuff, you know, but I can't, my extenders don't work all the way. Yeah. Okay, so interesting.

We do my credits and then you make it about you. I didn't make it about me. And what a victim you are. Can I have a moment? Sorry. Can I have a moment? Heard you have a stand-up special coming up. Could you look down a little bit more?

It's a February 2nd. Find a speck of dust on the floor. February 2nd. Channel that energy. Mary Lynn Rice Cup's new stand-up special. What's it called? It's called Live at the Pandemic. Yes.

Garage, it was filmed in your garage. It was filmed in my garage. That's bold. Thank you. That is bold. Multiple cameras. And by bold, do you mean? No.

Crazy. Yeah, but I mean. I'm not very smart. No, that's not what I mean. I think it's actually a very, it's a risky, creative choice. That's what I mean. I think it's exciting when people do stuff like this.

It is exciting. I have to tell you, I am excited about it. You should. It's like half foundational standby pieces, you know, that I can count on. And then with the real stuff that just happened to me, like about my neighbor and the pandemic, my dating, pandemic.

That's exciting. Let's talk about that. How great is it to be dating? Isn't dating what it's all about? Well, because I've been telling Tom like, what am I gonna do when he dies? And I'm gonna move to the villages in Florida. But tell me what, so how long were you married for?

Almost 10 years. My divorce started when my husband left me. He was so quiet that I didn't notice that he left though. And then I'm so spaced out. I forgot that I'm the one that told him to get the F out. And it took me a while to notice. I just kept passing the bathroom and I was like, something's different.

And then I realized one of the electric toothbrushes was gone. And he was just gone. That was him. Yeah. That was him. That's a while. I mean, almost 10 years. That's a good run.

That's a good run. No, I'm very proud of us. Cause we didn't know each other very well when we got married. So we did a good job. Yeah. You have a kid. But do you recommend like dating's where it's at?

It's awesome. It is so cool. And it's nothing but good things out there. It's so freaking cool. Tell me about it. First of all, I went on, someone talked me into, of course, going on Raya. That's a celebrity.

Yeah. That's where you have to be like verified, right? If I, can I do the I-roll as far as I can? The Tom Segura. Who had to verify that you really married in Rice Club? And like, you know what I mean? Oh my gosh. How does that work?

Let me tell you how long it took for them to get back to me. Oh, that's insulting. I'm sorry. What? Like number one insulting, number two, I'm in a tender position. Yeah. I'm about to start yelling like you,

you're gonna make me wait to see if you can let me pay you to help you find, help me. Yep. It's all there. It's so rude. Yeah. Wait, how long do they make you wait? It was, I wanna say it was a couple months.

A couple months. They're like, we're reviewing your. What do you submit when you're trying to get on? Like what do you have to get on? Well, first of all, my photos were really sad, even though I'm an international superstar. I just took the shots in my kitchen, you know, with the same shirt, like this androgynous like 49 year old.

Yeah. Like just light from the window. You're not the sexy character. Like whenever you're casting. Thank you, Christina. And neither am I, which is why I get along with you. I think you do better as like quirky best friend. So what's your sexy photo?

You don't have sexiness. Just in case you forgot, Christina's here to remind you, never feel sexy cause you're not. Well, that's the thing, you don't lead with that. That's not your lead. No. And also. God, how do you survive without her?

I'm jumping around, but it's all under the same umbrella. Like me in the 90s, I don't know how to, like, I don't know how to meet people. You know what I mean? Like I had a backpack on. It's like books I'll never read. Like what's up with you? You want to be Jay?

Like not even in the club, just in the alley. Like you want to be Jay? And then we're boyfriend, girlfriend. That's how I rolled it out with the gentleman. I don't, you know, I'm like, I got Ann Rian in my, I got some David Foster wallets, I'll never read, but I feel like I should be flowing guys and alleys back then. I had a lot of boyfriends.

I'm not, don't feel bad for me. I didn't know that. I always got the men's. Really? Yes. I believe it. How many? I did all kinds of comedians.

Oh yeah, we know that. That's what I'm saying. You're like, you weren't counting that. Well, comedians are, yeah, I don't count male comics because they're people. Yeah. Hello. They're just weirdos.

Uh-oh, forgot about that one. Anyway, yeah, because so, so what's your game? So you're on Raya and you're, now did you change your profile pic so that it's more suggestible? Okay, I got off there because I couldn't be, and other people, they put music to it. No.

Their photos are gorgeous. I'm like, I can't. But you already know who these fools are because theoretically it's all famous people. So like, if it's Jennifer Henson. Oh, here's the other thing. You know she's pretty, like, I don't know. They put you through like cycles.

You can't just keep looking. They'll cut you off. They say, we want you to enjoy our community or we want you to invest, you know what I mean? I don't know the little word. We want you to take your time. So you can't just seek, seek, seek, like search or whatever? Right.

Take this grouping and put a shout out. Send him a rocket. Say hello. Are you seeing nothing but people you recognize like when you're on there? Well, that's what I was gonna say is like the first couple rounds, I'm like, come on, let's get to the reason why we're here.

And then they wait until the third or fourth round and then they roll it out. And it's like Owen Wilson. Oh, I like Owen Wilson. I know, right? But I like Owen Wilson. So any chick on there can message him though? Is this like alcoholic synonymous?

I'm not allowed to tell him that Raya's gonna come back and be like, you signed our thing. No. But can anyone message like Owen Wilson if you're on there? Yeah, but they're not gonna message you back. And then it's... Right. Who's the guy from Friends was on there?

Chandler? Matthew Perry? Yes. Matthew Perry's on there? Now it's exciting, huh? Wow. Now you wanna get on? Are you okay?

Oh, you got it. Knocked my thing out. So is it one of those... So would you hit up Perry and give him a beach? Or like what's, you know what I mean? Or Owen? She doesn't like it. If I could find him in the 90s in the alley.

Oh yeah. But now... Now. They click on this and they're like, who's that lady trying to act like she's in different... Like people have, they're on a mountain. They're at events. Why don't you just change your bio?

I'll blow you in the alley. That's true. I should have talked to you sooner about this. I could have gone a whole different way for me. Let me take over your profile just for a day. Okay. Okay. That's a deal.

That would be worth the 40 bucks. So now hold on. Is it one of those sites where the woman has to initiate contact? You're thinking a bumble. Oh, that's where the girl has to say hi first? Or can anybody initiate? I think either one can say hi.

Yeah, because that's why I got off because nobody said hi to me. I had one guy. That's not true. Was he super famous? He was actually really cute and really nice, but he's in IT. I had one phone conversation with him.

I know, right away, IT. I know. They're usually awkward. And he talked... It was refreshing because he talked and he was friendly and self-aware, but like I couldn't... It was like too much information, you know?

He told you too much about his past or was he too downloady? Yeah, too. Am I at my childhoods? No, it was like... Just too many words. Too fast. Too fast.

And I was like, slow down, man. I'm just like, I need a musician or someone, you know? Like let's find a vibe. Someone less available to share. Yes, someone less available. You know, it reminds me, check out this guy on this screen here. I can't go from zero to...

He's available. Oh. What do you think is going on? Do you think he's just hungry or you think his death's hard? Honestly, at the very first seconds, I thought he was slow and that it was self-soothing. And then at the four or five second mark,

it became sexual. Yeah. Who's filming him? Just a cool, lucky person. His cool friend. His friend. Like me and Julie and Julia. It will be me in this.

You are the BFF filming. Well, you know what this, so... Yeah, we know. We debated. We debated, like there was a debate here about what's going on. Like a couple of people, like your friend Christina here was like, I think he just liked dirt.

I thought he had pica, which was a disorder where you eat, you know, inanimate, like plaster or soil, things of that nature. Yeah. Right. I mean, I guess if you're eating, I was going to say, why would you eat soil?

Off a boot? But why not just have a bowl? In a subway. Yeah, why not have a bowl? I like soil. I'm having a breakfast full. He's going to JSD as soon as he gets off the train. So that's why it's on the boot.

See, that's the thing is I didn't put the sexual connection to this. Because it's a performative. Right. It's a show-off-y. Mm-hmm. The performative of that. Debased.

It's a... Right, like the real backstory here. Is he met you on Raya and you were like, take this boot on the subway, eat it while you're on your way home, you know, and then that's what's going on. Is... Pretty much. Would you be into that?

I have a, no, I have a problem, which is two things. One, I could almost see myself loving, just telling someone what to do. Really? And then the other part of me is it kind of reminds me of one of my credits. It reminds me of a character I played, Gail the snail.

Yes. In some, on the cutting room floor, there was a scene where I was humping a pillow and the cameraman was behind me near my butt crack and he was like, can you pull your pants down a little to like get a funny somewhat ass shot? Cause Gail is like, she's looking for pot nubs in the carpet and she's humping a pillow

and without hesitation because it was for comedy. I'm like, yeah, I'm humping that pillow. But that was the closest in my mind. I got to like the beginning when you see him and it's just that like that kind of glazed over. Yeah. He's already walked into that, he's in a shame position. Yeah.

But it's like a show off shame position. You know what's really interesting about you? Cause you're both a stand up and an actor. Is that you're really good at reading emotions and like you just told the whole story. You know, I don't see all that. I just see. She just sees like, oh, like I like dirt.

Yeah. It's really neat how you read all that. By the way, speaking of, I don't know if you want to make some extra cash, but you can sell with your panties online. I do need some extra cash for $40 a pop. That's not bad. I'm on cameo, why not just sell the panties?

Absolutely. Pantios. That's a great idea. You can also sell your urine, your saliva. No, not the urine. Why was I like, okay panties, but urine. Here's another thing you can do. You know how everybody has masks on?

Sure. Okay. You take a mask, you put it in your panties. Oh. You go for like a jog. A mix and match. Match, yeah. You go for a jog.

You get the saliva from up here and the juice from down there. Down there. The two for double the price. You put it in a vacuum still bag, then a guy pays so that he can wear the mask that you had in your crotch. Wow.

This lady does that. It's a whole new world, guys. It's a lot of money. Modern world, huh? It's a lot of money. Hashtag rich people problem. It's not connected, but. You can also sell your feces, your used pillowcases,

your socks, your sweaty workout clothing, or your bras, just so you know. Used pillowcase is so innocent compared to feces. Yeah. So easy. It's easy money. I mean, I don't know why you're being such squares about it. Just fucking sell them.

Some guy, poor guy, he just wants to smell your pillowcase. What's wrong with that? I said, I was saying, I know. You're a fucking poor guy out there. I just want to smell your pillowcase. I'd let him. The only problem is the workout clothes, because you and I both know how pricey those can get.

Yeah. And I don't want to part with them if I'm not making a real scratch. Just upcharge. It's a fucking $70 pair of tights. It's fucking $250. Yeah. Yeah.

You can go buy another pair. You can get the panty pack from a, you know, like a Haines. There you go. Rainbow pack. Now you're thinking, I feel like you guys need to come around. You're just being total squares. Are you our pimp? What are you doing?

I'm just, I am a business advisor. You're really? He really is going for it. It was a shift. Yeah. For sure. Well, we found another video that's pretty cool. Uh-oh.

You see, some people just cannot believe that I am who I am. Claiming, for example, that I disinfected a shoe before I fucking licked it. Well, here is the shoe I'm wearing. I hope you can see that. This is, unfortunately, I'm in a construction zone with, hello, with a bunch of workers nasty for cleaning supplies. Hello.

Oh, that was to them. I thought it was to us. And my shoes. I've walked through grease, mud, dirt, everything, and sweaty, sweatful laborers. Come on. You know, get, have more laces. Fuck how much time do you have?

This is really different. Hang on. No. I don't know why. And you can see the bottom of the shoe is not clean. People, I'm John fucking McAfee. Thank you. Is that really John McAfee?

Yeah. I like how he did a slate at the end. Yeah, he did. Based in Los Angeles. Maryland Rice Cub, 5'6", based in Los Angeles. Hire me. Here's what's different about this. He did his own, like the other guy in the subway is clearly,

he's licking someone else's boot. He's like, yeah, I'll lick my own fucking shoe that I disinfected before I walk through this place. So what's going on here? You have the analysis. Do you know, do you know who John McAfee is? Pressure's on. First of all, yes.

You do. He is famous. Yes. In the boot-licking genre. Do you wait? Millieu. That's why he knows the suspense of that unloosing. He knows to show the world.

He knows to say hello to other people. This is John fucking McAfee. Thank you. So, but he also wants to be real. He wants to show you that he's down. But you're totally aware of him, though. Yes, very famous. Did you know that, oh, you know,

like the McAfee antivirus software and everything, right? He is the third cousin. And he is bitter. Here, this is about him. Because there was a documentary made about him. And this part is about him, right here. This was my first time. I was ashamed.

But then I got used to it. What did he have you do? Sit on this hammock. The hammock has a hole. He put in the hammock. And after that, he lays down on the hammock. Then he, you know, he would cut a little hole. And he would sit there.

That's what he used it for. Because he wanted to have, like, Scott's sex. And then I didn't agree with that. What is Scott's sex? And when you poop in someone's mouth, he used to make you shit in his mouth like that. She likes it that way. I never had done that before.

And it was an experience for me. He puts his hand under your butt. And he asks you to shit in his mouth. And so. That's pretty cool. So that's the guy. That's the guy that they're talking about. That's John.

And so. He's so famous and cool. And he's on Raya. So that's why we wanted to talk to you about him today. Oh, I got off too soon. Hit him up, the guy. Let me ask you, Marylin. He could clean up the house.

Absolutely. Let me put the scenario by you. You meet your dream guy. He's a musician in a band, whatever. He's mysterious, yet still available. He doesn't talk too much. He doesn't talk too much. He cleans.

He cooks healthy vegan meals. You like that? Yeah. That'd be great. But his one thing is that every now and then he brings out the hammock. And you got to sit in the hammock and take a freshie in his mouth. But that's it. Otherwise, everything is perfect.

Let's point something out here. You're not a fucking child. So don't be a baby about it. Just fucking take a dump in his mouth. And it's over, you know? But then everything else is like he's a millionaire. He's supportive. How often does he want that?

Just once every three, four times a year. Quarterly. Quarterly. Quarterly. Right when he gets his numbers for his company, what the earnings are. Earnings report. Yeah. Exactly.

It's time. Got my earnings report. We got a great quarter. You got a dump. Ready to go? Yeah. And then you got a brown in his mouth. And that's it.

Well, that puts a pressure on me to be more regular than I am, you know? That's fair. I think it's a really fair actual response. You got to get more greens in the diet. That's right. But you would know when that quarterly report comes out so you could prepare. You could have some fiber crackers. But what if it comes too soon?

It happens too soon. What? The brown or the report? Oh. Well, you call him in a day early. Okay. He'd be open to that? I think so.

Okay. But you're not going to like, you know, baby out of this thing, right? Like, oh, that's dirty. Yeah. What's the big deal? Four times a year is not a big deal. I mean, I got to go anyway. That's right.

Exactly. Big whoop. Yeah. I mean, you're making someone so happy by just taking it up in their mouth. Like... Yeah. It's a victimless crime. You ever think about that?

I never think about that. Now you are. I don't think about that. Now I am. Yeah. It's neat. Have you met any guys that have interesting proclivities? Oh, I thank you for saying that because I was going to say earlier before the Scott

and the hammock and the poop. Hammock. Oh, and the poop. Well, the girl before her was so adorable about it. She was so sweet. But that's also creepy because it's like a dissociative sweetness. Right. Trying to make it okay, right?

That's true. She's laughing. That's how I do it. The poop. Am I going to poop on my mom? That's true. Not a bad way to be. I did date a guy with the foot and he did like it when my feet were dirty.

Nice. I don't go for it. Yeah. Why not? That's harmless. It is harmless and also. It's fucking hot. Honestly, it feels good.

Yeah. The foot is since you all. Yeah. I was surprised at how it's kind of like, oh, the back of your knee or somewhere that you discover is like more sensitive than you thought. Yeah. And it was like, good for you. Getting off down there.

There you go. On your own. Put that in your bio. I will put that on my Wikipedia for sure. Yeah. Now, we're talking about dating. Do you have a site that you like? Raya sounds like it was not what you thought it would be.

Are any of the other ones good? I do. I will not do it. You will not do it. Again. What? You say that now, but what if you were to get an amazing dating message sent to you? Oh.

Hey, Natalia. It's Elliot. So I finally got my video studio up and running. I couldn't help myself. I wanted to shoot this video to invite you to Curio this Wednesday at 7 p.m. We could do six or eight, depending on the schedule, but my schedule is pretty tight when I'm not bartending. I'm shooting videos like this.

I'll reach the dentist, get on the phone, selling them, taking care of their ads, all that stuff. So look, man, Curio on German Village, you've obviously heard of it before. It is literally the best hidden kept gem in the city. I mean, you got to go just for your own self-education of what's awesome in Columbus. You know what I'm saying? Fucking moron. We're going to need like a semester to get into this one because this guy is a goddamn

mess. Do you want more? Why is he like obviously? Oh, it's so good. Well, and I like you and I, this Wednesday, 7 p.m. Look, obviously I'm attracted to you. You're attracted to me. You're obviously a smart girl.

You're about to be a dentist. You know, I'm a recovering attorney with an MBA who's about to be a millionaire in the next 18 months, building a digital marketing agency. Will's bartending. Will's bartending. Let's not let our fucking busy schedules get us out of this shit. We are obviously two catches that have actually come together and I think we should definitely hang out, man.

Let's not let, let's not let ourselves get busy because I know I'll probably get super busy. And life will just take us to our next course. I don't want that to happen without us at least sitting down having a little chat. Okay. Yeah. Just articulate like in a confident way. Is he holding a vape pen?

I wish he would vape at the end of it and then it's a pointer. It's also a laser. I think it's his green screen, you know, thing because while beauty is very common, beauty in brains is not. And that's what always has intrigued me and then sure enough, that's what's intriguing me about you. So yeah, man. Let's chill.

Let's hang out. Let's have a conversation. Both of us. Chill. Be a good time. Chill, bro. Dude. Text me back if you're interested.

Bye. Bitch. I mean, why doesn't he just dig a grave because he just buried himself in the grave? It's a lot. It's a lot. But I actually feel really bad because I think this reminds me of other videos like this where we've watched them and you go like, oh, I like everybody, everybody can have an instinct to say something.

And then usually the part of your brain that goes like, don't send that or don't like, you're excited. You're excited to express. And I was wondering if there were points where that was his weird attempt at humor or like he is trying to be cool. He thinks he's like being easygoing and then I'll go global and say the world we live in maybe videos like this. Like he feels like that's what you have to do.

What would a video invite to a date freak you out? I think it's a little. It's the worst. Yeah. Yeah. You want a phone call, right? I mean, a phone call. A phone call for asking out on the date.

That's a good segue into my, I don't know if I'm going to get into it. The, uh, I may, okay, the, I want to, I kind of want to tell you about two COVID dates. I went on one, one was at a laundromat and it was a black man in a really nice car. The second one was like a friend of a friend. What do you look like? Cute, funny, humble, no, white, first one, black, second one, white, but overall as a general, I realized it should have started as text. It should have went to phone call.

It should have went to freaking goddamn zoom. Right. But I was talking to my friend about this and she goes, you know what? I admire that you just kind of went for it. I was like, I don't like that's how I've lived my life is just throwing myself into stuff. It's like, I don't have the time to, I mean, I do have new comedy bits from throwing myself.

We're both dates. Bad dates. Um, well, they were feet up on the thing. The first one I was at a laundromat, it was a hundred degrees out. I got my, uh, expensive, you know, leggings on Hawaiian print. I mentioned this important detail. That's what I think it was. Cause I had a mask on.

I had no makeup on. I was at the laundromat, like not. And he drove his car by and said hi. And I was like, hi. And then he came back a few hours later and he's like, you're still doing laundry. And then pull over. You're like, you're still black. Something like that.

He's like banter. He's like, yeah, he would still be black. Yeah. Yeah. That's what's not going to change. That's right. Right. In this lifetime.

And it is laundry. It takes a few hours. It takes a few hours. So dipshit. Yeah. I'm still fucking here. Cause he's being flirty. 45 minutes.

I was into it. Okay. I wasn't like dipshit right out of the, that's my problem though. I have a double personality because I'm like, make myself open to it. And then it's not till later that my, I'm like either the smoother or I'm just a liar cause I'm just like, or maybe I just am so impressed that I'm getting attention or something. You know what I mean? Like he pulled up.

He started talking and he's. He's like, check this shit out. Uh, I see you still doing laundry like that. Okay. No. Go on. Okay. Yeah.

Do the date with Mary Lynn. Go ahead. What's up girl? What's up? You know what I'm saying? I see you still need some time. So much lip licking along with the hand wringing. You know what I'm saying?

Okay. Then he licked his own boot. He goes, watch this. Watch this. I'm going to take a shit in this hammock. No. Okay. Car was clean.

Car was new. Hold on. You got in the car right away? You got in the street. No, no, no, no. No, I'm just saying. Oh, you just see it. Okay.

The impression of a black person and the lip licking. I'm sorry. So, but the, is his stuff in the laundromat or he just happened to have. Yeah. Why is he circling the laundry? Okay. He was at the Ralph's and this was part of his pickup line. I'm telling you this.

I noticed because I was talking to him in the parking lot. His car is nice. He is not, he's good looking. He looks responsible, clean, well spoken. And he said he was at the Ralph's and he goes, I got my DMV. You can register your car at the Ralph's. Oh, that's kind of smart. So that shows you he's got.

And I was like, impressive because he doesn't know I'm an international superstar. You know, he thinks I'm a lady at a laundromat and that's a good, I'm doing laundry. You're getting your car registered. Maybe we can do our things together. Are you my second husband? You know? Yeah. So he says also that he's retired military.

And so I was like, I likey. Thank you. And then in a final move, which I kind of liked, but I also was like, take your mask down. Let me see your face. No. Yes. He says that to you? Yes.

And you had seen his face that he wasn't wearing a mask? Yes. Because he's in his car. He rolled the window down and we're standing apart. And I kind of laughed and then I fucking did it. And I was like, I'm a live again. I'm a woman. This man wants me.

Yeah. No makeup. Yeah. But you know what he saw first is that ba bingo. Badonga. Badonga. So wait, did you guys go out after that? Yes.

So then this is a whole side story I was staying in an Airbnb because I stole my house. So I think I was in this headspace of like in between anything goes. I don't know what my excuse was, but he texted me and I thought he was asking me in general, what are you doing? But he meant like right that second. Oh, wow. And he and he was like, do you want to go working on a script and just kind of he's like, like nothing.

I think I indicated like nothing. And then he was like, whatever, it was right out of the bat off the bat. There's there's it. So I went to have tea with him at a Starbucks outside. That's a nice COVID date. Right. Yes. It's fine.

He's fine. He's a lovely guy, but I'm not there's no big buildup to like, well, okay. So he we're talking. He's like showing me pictures of his kid. He's kids. He's like, do you like red wine? Do you like Italian food? He's making plans for when COVID's over and he's like, I want to be close to somebody.

Do you like watching movies? I'm like, yeah, who doesn't like all of those things? Yeah. Do you want to go to Santa Barbara? And then I made the mistake because, you know, he's going to be my second husband. I was like, let me be honest with him. I made the mistake of telling him I do comedy. And then he goes, I'm pretty funny.

What's the other one that he could say? Yes. And he used to be like promote comedy rooms. So he has like an end. Tell me a joke. You're like, and I go, yeah, I tried that a couple of times. Don't go. Tell me a joke.

I'm going to bring me out of my shell and like tell me something funny. And I finally, I was like, it doesn't work like that. I go, the more you ask me that, the more unnatural it gets. There's nothing funny about that. And I said, I don't really need you to like help me be funny. That's just that's not really how funny works. Oh, OK, OK, well, you know, and then we have like a little rift. But then and in my mind, I'm like, I got to get the fuck out of here like clearly this

is done. But in his mind, he's like, we're married. And so he keeps on with the, you know, do you want to do this? I'm really looking for a commitment. I'm I don't want to be messing around. First date. Yes. Geez.

It's almost as if it didn't matter what kind of person I was. It didn't matter to get to know me. I just was like, good enough. He sensed that I was like, it's almost as if it's the kind of guy that circles a laundromat next to the house looking for chicks and leggings next one. So but that that's really creepy. But I have to tell you physically, like I was attracted to him. He was an attractive man.

So we go to leave and he's like trying to. And this is like I have I have issues of I would rather we fucked in the parking lot is what I'm saying. Oh, shit. But now I would rather get through the my my issue is I don't just go bye bye. I'll act it out until it's over. So we didn't like kiss or anything like that. But it was like a physical.

You know what I mean? In the parking lot. Real quick. No, no, no. Not at all. No, not at all. Not at all. He just like I know I would want to make the story go somewhere.

It doesn't go anywhere. He just like tried to touch my like waist. You know what I mean? Like a yeah, like a friendly. And then I went and like pulled away. Oh, really? I'm like reaching for my car door and he's like trying to let it linger as if we have like some magic going on.

And he's like, you have so many walls up. Oh boy. And then I finally was like, I like my walls. Good bye. Good bye. So there was that one. I'll be doing laundry again on Friday. See you there.

Yeah, that's how we're going to build it. Yeah. Oh, that would be a good tension build. So that was that. See you there. And I'm not going to talk to you. There's no way he didn't message you again. Correct.

Yeah. And then I just fizzled out of that. Did you ghost him? Like stop answering. No, I think I just said. I don't have the time. That's nice. That's nice.

Now, you can't go back to the laundromat. You know that, right? You have to choose a new one now. Or at least a different day. I don't need to go to the laundromat anymore. That was when I was at my Airbnb. Oh, yeah. And I was going to the Petco across the way.

It's a pretty sweet spot, though, deep in the valley. I know which one you're discussing. Can I ask you a sidebar question? Yes. How do you pronounce the word W-O-N? Juan. Oh, Juan, you got me. Juan.

That's what we say, Juan. We say Juan. These donkeys say Juan. They say Juan. Juan. It's Juan. They're like, oh, it's a homophone. I feel like I was tricked because it obviously is the word Juan.

Right. But you said Juan. Well, when you said it like that, I was transfixed. It's Juan by Steve and me at Chichulai. People saying these days that I say Juan incorrectly, like they say I should be saying Juan. It's Juan. I think it's Juan. So I say Juan also.

I say Juan. And then these fucking dopes are like, it's Juan, it's Juan. I feel like I just entered another, like a new reality that's higher, that's above other people. Totally. Juan is. And you magically drew me into it, and I didn't fail the test. You didn't fail it.

I feel like my Obi-Wan Kenobi. There you go. You looked into my eyes and I was like, Juan, it's Juan. I know. Juan. She knows. I feel different now. Thank you for that.

You're absolutely so welcome. What about the Nazi symbol? That is called a. Swastika. Swastinka. Right. Swastinka. Here's how you're supposed to say it.

Swastinki. Swastintikas. Swastintikas. I like that. That's cute. Swastintikas. Yeah. Swastintika.

Can I hear it again? Sure. One second here. Let's see. Swastintikas. Swastintika. God, I like his tone, too. You might not like it if you see him.

No. The tikka. May I ask? Here is a dollar sign, a pile of them. Then I have peace signs. This guy. Is he on Raya? Then last.

Not the doot-doot-doot. Treasure trove of swastintikas. Here, I'm going to show you real quick. Does it make sense? Here you go. All different colors, too. Swastintikas. Such a hate when you only.

Adorable crafting for scrapbooking. When you only have swastikas in one color and you're like, the fuck am I doing? Yeah. There's so many other colors. Especially when you're feeling creative and you want to reach for it. You want to put some glitter. Exactly. You don't want to.

Different sizes. Yeah. What kind of shit my kid would bring home from school, you know, if they were into that kind of thing. You want to know something cool if you ladies start selling your panties, which I hope you both do, is you never know who will get ahold of them and where they'll start sniffing them. For instance.

Oh, shit. In this video, this is a meeting where a Brazilian politician is in a Zoom meeting and doesn't realize that his video's on. So, top left. Oh. So. So. So.

So. So. So. Okay. That guy's like, not face. That's Brazil. Yeah. And nobody says anything.

Everyone let that go. They're so used to this degenerate stuff. Who's that guy that Jada's D on Jeffrey Tambor? CNN. Yeah. Not Jeffrey Tambor. Not Tambor. Tubin.

Tubin. Same shit. He did some other creepy shit. But he fucked somebody on set. But Tubin. I made out with Jeffrey Tambor on the Larry Sander show. How was it? For so long.

And then when they cut it together it was like 20 seconds. You know what I'm saying? In real life it was like three to four hours. Dad. Dad mouth. He's older. Yeah. Making out with your dad.

Yeah. Yeah. He's sweet. Did he put his tongue in your mouth? Kind of. Yeah. That's like why dude. Did you feel a boner?

No. No. He didn't have a boner. Bullshit. I'm a failure as a woman. He had a boner. I don't know. No.

I know. I'm telling you. Oh really? Yes. He talks about it. Absolutely. He talked to you about it? Is that why he brought me here today?

Yes. He's right here. Jeff come on in. Hey. I'm sorry you got canceled. We want to bring you back. Bring you back. He's great.

I mean he was. He's great. So funny. So funny. So funny. Some of my favorite scenes with him. May I ask you a personal post divorce question? Yes please.

Have you broken off that first D? That's a no. Okay. There. No. You're not there yet? No. Well it's COVID.

I imagine it's hard to. It's COVID. Okay. Did you imagine you're like once I get out of this I'm going to. I actually I'm spilling it off. Three my two dates the other one that I didn't tell you about yet. I kind of re not got together with sexually but re saw two different X's. Wow.

Which was and I think maybe the COVID brings it out because you want someone who's familiar and it was they're both like it was really enjoyable. And I did have like a kind of a make out sesh but then not going to go there with either of them. I know. Was it weird to go back to someone you hadn't been with in like a decade? Yes. Why not go there?

Why not go there? Why not go there? I tried to. Oh you did try. I couldn't. Yeah. See that's. I tried to.

Women do that. They're like. My feelings. But like us. I know. We just go like feelings are dumb. And then you know. I think you're right.

I think you're right. I was like oh my feelings. I want to actually know you and hang out with you. But when you made out with your exes it's been like over like a decade where was it exactly the same as it was like did you go oh yeah that's the. That's how that's his move. That's the move. Because I.

That's his style. Did you remember. That is interesting question. Yes and no. I think the memory of it was there but there was a little bit like oh like re oh. It was like a mashup of both sensations of mentally emotionally and then like oh this is what it was like because there's that great David tell jokes you ever wish you could go back and have sex with your exes and no you ever wish you could go back and have sex

with the first person you had sex with so you could show him how much better you got yeah like that's the phrase and he goes hey look who's not crying so funny I always think of that joke and you essentially got to kind of experience yeah but I couldn't fully take it there you couldn't get in the tease yeah but that's I'm wondering if I am just shut down no it's a process you're going through a process yeah you're going through a process buddy yeah am I gonna I won listen after I got my water I got divorced it was a thing for me too it took a while and you know you're still married what I'm saying is I can only imagine how hard it must be for you here's the thing you're gonna die before me I am not dying

before yeah look you're not in great shape already you're half apart my husband broke the left side of his body a month ago so yeah but you're like a bodybuilder right you come back you bounce back quick Kevin Hart you're like broke my back big whoop I'm fine I can lift a truck yeah I'm already moving I'm in such better health than you know we both got COVID my COVID broken leg and I can fucking beat you in a race wow how dare you run like a TikTok well here's the deal I'm gonna outlive you because women outlive men I don't think you're gonna fall into that category why because I think you're gonna check out way sooner what you're gonna kill me no I just don't see you making it what are you talking about I see you

may be getting to like 52 or something oh my god that's coming soon I know that's why you've got to live every day like it's your last you know sell those panties I know I'm calling back there yeah so why um there's so many things you could be selling yeah the only live once like that would be the first go to that's exactly that's what they say on the panties let's let someone shit live baby I'm Betty white is 90 not just turned 99 that's not gonna be you and you know it I don't want to be in my 90s but I think I'm going to outlive you definitely 80s I've got cockroach eastern blocker DNA you say it yourself she's when I get sick I barely get sick I know but I don't think that's you have diarrhea all the time you got you're all yeah you got that high blood

pressure I don't have high blood pressure mesothelioma I don't have mesothelioma I don't Jesus I don't have anything I'm perfect you have that irregular heartbeat huh I don't have a yes you do your heart beats once every 50 seconds it's not an irregular heartbeat it's like he's practically dead already there's no way you're gonna make it why don't you pitch Mary Lynn on your cool sketch idea you wanted to shoot I've already pitched on it what did she say I pitched on it a few years no we can't say it right now oh top secrets I pitched you on an idea I can talk to you about my whole goddamn dating life I'm gonna nobody knows about it and you can't I'm gonna pitch it to you off camera

but I actually did pitch it to you like three years I remember yeah and you're like um okay I was I will do it I will not refuse but don't you think it's because the content it I can't remember what the content is that's a good place to be and but you also have to factor in that I don't want to do stuff ever okay like I don't I don't I don't want to do things yeah I'm like where's the money yeah you're Canadian it's not like I have enough freelance creative jobs this is not for free you're gonna get paid fucking real money thank you I'm in would you be open to my husband pretending to murder you and then have sex with your dead body oh do I get a body double no yeah but listen that's not the idea no that's the last idea and we couldn't cast it so I had to

be the lady because I don't care if I work in show business or not look at it it's a truth it's he kills me in the sketch and they have sex with my dead body I kind of want to see it it's funny he's like wait pooped she pooped in the how much funny she did she went to the pool in the adorable yeah but I have listen I she was mean so I kill her and then the guy that helps me get rid of the body he's like hey do you mind if I have sex with her and I was like yeah where's the joke that he he's uh he's good at it they don't actually show him banging me but it's implied it's more than implied it's you it's understood yeah do you think doing a sketch like that would ruin your career or maybe narrow your prospects of working again no at this point no I had a lady

tweet me the other day she goes do you miss acting I didn't stop bitch I didn't know that I was done oh you tweeted me that thank you thank you for that yeah it's a great tweet do you miss acting god you mean like I'm going off for pilot season shits so you recommend getting into the dating pool that's what we're at right now yeah yeah what am I gonna do I I do like being alone but that's that's scary because then it's like do I like it too much and then I'll just be alone you know well I would like to have a partner like to have a life partner eventually right you should take a yeah you need a breather right gosh yeah I know I went into like a weird COVID I mean they were all you know outdoor

do you want to hear about the second one okay oh yeah all right friend of a friend okay because I was like let me get with somebody more in my yeah genre this will be easier how does this setup come at the laundromat does the friend not a random guy at the laundromat which I also convinced myself I should be open to this your friend does he call you and go I got someone for you or how does it actually come no I met him we were doing an outdoor sketch like for a friend and I thought I like his vibe and I've never done this before I said give him my number or I don't know I asked for his number I texted him and then it was real disjointed and he didn't text back which of course I was I was like he ignored me I was like oh he's into me that must mean he's into me if he ignores me

and then I was like I just saw the social dilemma so I thought well I'm trying to stay off my phone too he's a genius he has better things to do than be on his phone right he's going to be my next husband he says why don't we go in a picnic it great let's do it great idea I'll stop at the grocery store and get some fancy groceries or fancy salads yeah great I love it hold on is he in front of the camera or behind the camera and showbiz behind the camera okay okay good right it helps in context because wack you know we're wacky those of us that are performers so you give a little more a little more leash a longer leash to that kind of weird stuff to be wackier or yeah to be weirder like Tom I was talking to Tori yeah like I saw him do stand up very early and he was saying vulgar

horrible horrible stuff and I was like yeah but you give them a little leeway okay I get that sorry go ahead I'm this is this is what I'm doing I'm giving him leeway okay well first I like it I go oh the great idea yeah he's going to bring fancy salads I love it I get there the dates at three I'm pulling into the parking lot to the park at three on the dot texts me at three my ETA is 317 I was like the date has already started so you if you're gonna be late you gotta tell somebody before yeah I'm looking for him you know but but again I don't take it as a red flag I'm like hey maybe yeah he has a different concept of time maybe that's a good thing you know chill out ML chill out so I'm looking for him I'm hyped I see him he's got one a single cooler

like over the shoulder little mini cooler I was like oh intriguing again not a red flag but I was like it's interesting what have you gotten there we walk around we're walking on a very low grade and he's limping he's like oh I have a torn meniscus I was like oh my god well he goes yeah I'm in a lot of pain I've been icing it and heating and I was like oh my gosh he goes yeah I'm waiting I have a doctor friend who says the technology will be better in 10 years for this and I was like waiting so you're gonna ignore that you're gonna keep walking on that okay for a decade but you can't take like a noted don't go up any hills uh with this guy so I'm feeling very protective of him make sure he's okay and then we go to sit down no blanket it's

blasting sun there's nowhere to sit oh and then I in my prep for the date I was like I'm gonna what should I bring you know I'm getting pumped and I'm and then I go don't bring a blanket don't over like emasculate like let him have his mojo so don't bring a blanket but I go I'm gonna add some items to the picnic so I get uh you know some sriracha chicken wings I get uh pan fried I stop at the gelsons you know I get a pan fried squash uh just for a mystery item you know like who picks that and then watermelon you can't go wrong with some fruit we get there we're sitting under a tree on some dirt with the knobby roots and I'm like okay I am a fully grown woman but you know hey it takes me back we're creative we're fun we're artists I'm pulling out my items and I see

he's like it's not really registering with him like how great my items are he's like is this lunch you bite me lunch he opens up his pack out comes one diet coke one water I was like so one of us gets cancer one of us hydrates okay got it uh then pulls out a subway and says the reason why he was late is because there's lines at the grocery store now this is where I'm like a double personality because in the moment I'm like like it's funny you know what I mean it's like yeah there's fucking lines we're in a pandemic why do you say this time if you're not going to be here at that time yeah and then but during I was like you know getting through it and and again I make it like it that's this great day and it's this wonderful like I don't

want him to fucking feel bad so I gotta act like I'm having the time of my life like I maybe the story is I'm an asshole then I wake up that night at two in the morning and I was like like rage train just remembering not only did he bring subway sandwich one sandwich right I got my lunch I locked it out what you brought one sandwich you know he didn't go like hey light mayo because you know they're back there like think of a lady you're gonna end up a subway which who goes to subway you don't let your last three three dollars is the reason why you go to subway you don't have any other options is usually like I'll tell you from a man's perspective usually when you go oh I'm gonna go on a first date I'm gonna try to get two subs to impress you

yeah um yeah I'm gonna I'm gonna bring like an extra thing oh little chocolate something to be like and the chips you're gonna get two bags of chips this fucking guy an apple slices one chips one cookie exactly I was like I'm a queen you bring me all the chip choices yeah you know like let's have fun with it you right maybe have another sandwich choice there you go why do we have to split one sandwich what does this say about your mindset how did the this is how you're kicking off our life together I got one subway sandwich to share like how did uh how did the goodbye go on this wait well before we get there on make out what kind of sandwich was it was a please don't say tuna I don't even know I think it was turkey I'm guessing he didn't eat it though you know I

didn't eat it I ate my things he ate his things and then weird he had the time of his life I acted like I had the time of my life okay I don't know why so he was having a great time yeah and so wait do you say goodbye do you guys hug yeah and then any like if he had a time he's obviously thinking it went well yeah so is he like hey what are you doing tomorrow or yes and then do you like we're gonna see each other very soon almost immediately and we both know it how do you handle it I went along with it because I'm an asshole then later I was like hey I rethought this I didn't say any of the stuff that I was thinking that's what I think I have issues why don't I just say in the moment why don't I just say it's just like not a natural thing for you well it's so hard because

you're so vulnerable with a new person and you want to make you want it to work yeah you're right it's like it's so harsh you're right it's so why don't you tell someone you don't want them to feel bad yeah you guys you get it yeah well it's not his fault he's a dope you know he's kind of right all in back yeah no don't call him and sleep with him tonight oh male in my panties there you go there you go give him a little bit of piss easy breezy send some urine what's wrong with you wait did you french him did he try to french you um he did you frenched him yeah that pause gave it all away you kissed him well in the heat I can't really say Jesus what do you mean you can't say you fucked him real quick in the bathroom at the park that's what's up dude that's so hot

just to see if I still had it yeah you do see if I can climb back on the old are you drinking tequila yeah I want to try are you gonna try this home sure I don't know why I just had the urge why not this is when a dog gave it to us oh my gosh did my story give you the urge to drink tequila I'm excited I don't know why I just thought you know you know what it is I'm so happy to see you and I feel happy to see you this feels like old times this is like oh we could actually hang out and have a drink it's sad I miss you I miss you too anyway I'm sad to hear about your dates so what's gonna happen now are you gonna do it again I don't see it happening wait did you tell this guy a long time did you tell the second guy the

picnic guy eventually like this not gonna work yeah how did he respond he must have been floored kind of yeah he was well it was that thing of where you're he's still in the energy of it so he keeps texting like kind of wanting to talk about it so I had to keep like shutting it down and I got you and I never came out and said you fucking brought one sandwich the funny thing about a guy like that is he really just I think there's just because you know your friend like when you're a guy you have your like oblivious friend where you're like yeah how does this not register yes right and then they're like what you're like how do you not bring something for the other person they're like oh yeah like that person you know like where you go what's wrong with you and they're

like I didn't think you know what's so interesting is I wanted to say this story in my stand-up and the the the crescendo is like I'm a queen bring me all the stuff and you guys pour me one I'm good I'll have the tiniest momiest tiny mom shot um but you guys really went to the heart of it because this is the real stuff that it is hard to tell somebody and I did want it to work and of course we don't want to reject somebody to their face and it's not a bad guy it's um somebody who she's coming she's coming yeah I knocked my cord out like three times who it's like dopey thank you my darling yeah doesn't doesn't know to do better but for me where I'm at in my life and that reflects back to I'm with the backpack like you want I'm like I don't know who I am now because I used to be

just like I don't know well you know I didn't I was like social socially awkward how do I now be and clearly I'm not doing well with it well here's the other thing you can't come like you cannot say that the social world you live in right now is even remotely normal or indicative of what it's going to be like you know like this is not you mean pandemic or yeah like you know in the regular first of all the way you're going to meet somebody probably is by being out in the world hold that thought this is incredible it's really good because you smell it and you're like whoa but you get all the different things and then when it goes in your mouth it's smooth as silk with a flavor I've got covid can't really taste or smell I can smell it a little it tastes great drink the whole bottle

go on with what you're saying because that's a very so it's uh pandemic we don't know what it's like yeah what I'm saying is like you go like I'm not I'm not there I'm not ready but you you're throwing yourself into like a social like analyzing your social life in a non-social world right now so you got to kind of wait you know nice but how is the rest of the date because here's the thing I could I could forgive the obliviousness because we know boys who just don't think of the other I can think of one person in particular in our world who would probably show up and do that exact same thing but maybe on everything else is pretty cool like how was the conversation did you connect there was some laughter but then some of the yeah we had a pretty good time do you

feel attracted to him or was the sandwich such a deal breaker or like he couldn't get over it I guess I kind of was attracted in the moment because I was telling myself to be and then but it really even the types of jokes I couldn't like hang with it just because I'm in a different place in my life gotcha so I wasn't uh good good I I don't know no so yeah I'm like I'm mature I'm like I am like a fully formed professional badass do everything all the time yeah and it's a big deal yeah like I'm kind of a big deal yeah and I can't I can't reach I can't have a child that I need to yes I need somebody that came across like they were not grown up enough basically yeah so that was that's probably it in a nutshell like enjoyable in some ways but ultimately not

grown up enough gotcha so there's your answer there it is cheers to that cheers to that sandwich guy a subway too no less I mean what are you doing that is bottom of the barrel that I don't even I don't even know how that bread like what are you doing dude you gotta be so checked out you gotta be so and hadn't that and the little hint of like oh there's lines at the grocery store like have you not gone to the actual store this during this whole pandem and here's the deal too is I know some people listening go whoa well hold on money bags what you're too good for subway and it's not that because you could go to traders Joe and for the same amount of money for this piece of shit sandwich you can get like a cheese and charcuterie fucking thing thank you thank you yeah

it does not a money thing because you can you can have a nice spread at a reasonable cost it's the it's the thought chick talk I'm gonna also say when I went to that I just got a friend of Joe give me a charcuterie plate let me tell you there's a chick talk if you want to weigh in on this hashtag it's like when you're watching big brother but first hashtag but first like that's not a hashtag but first but first put in the but but first but I mean there's a lot of men who listen to this show and there's guys listening I guarantee you right now going what's the big deal he brought

a fucking suit yeah let's tell what the big imagination projecting where the relationship is going to go nourishment that's really what it is it's what this is the type of guy you're getting yes yes yes yeah that's what it is it's not I want to put a judgment what I am but it but it's because it's a reflection of your mental yes emotional I agree what about I want to dip back into the Trader Joe's I when I went to that laundromat at another laundromat in Van Nuys I really am into laundromats when I stayed at the Airbnb I was by a Vallarta the best chips salsa guacamole yeah would be a wonderful it's a great thing to bring to a picnic even pirates booty a bag of pirates booty yeah like that something a couple of sodas some topo chicos yes come on man jazz it up

jazz it up goes in LA there you don't you don't just spend a lot of money to show that you give a yes on a date that's the thing is that guy didn't put any thought into it no thought one sandwich one chip one cookie yeah he didn't think I want to have a picnic you bring your stuff I'll bring mine we'll see if this is a good good match like it's fucking there is a basic even if he had done that like even if he had just got his subway his trip but he was like I got you like one like I had a flourless chocolate cake I got like just one thing I'm not thinking about the other person yeah I think I mean yeah because I think of the same person I know who it is of course can I write the name down hold on listen you're right yes I read yep of course

that's 15 years bro pin number at the gas station where of course that's who it is that's who it is who's gonna see that over there this guy oh these people these people say everything the thing is is that he's a good guy yeah he's a great guy every great guard in every regard and then you're like but he would show up with one sandwich yeah he's like what you're like what about us he's like okay great guy in every regard like what else would he bring to the top well I think he would not have done this he's a romantic total romantic so this is true like it wouldn't in in this actual scenario he would never have done that but he's you know he is the type where it's like I don't know we all sat down somewhere and they're like you know coffee's over there and you know we

all went and then he just come back and sit down with his coffee you'd be like did you think about bringing other people coffees or something he'd be like what like he just yeah he's oblivious in that way you know he just doesn't but however is that a male thing is that a the way you're raised I mean that was that was my I think with with this individual we're talking about it's that he he is somewhat oblivious just naturally and then he gets like hyper focused on his what he's doing or little on the scale a little bit a little bit yeah yeah winner winner chicken dinner I think at that point stuff out and you see it slowly making sense to me like you know when you left us hanging it really made us feel like we're we are thirsty too yeah I'll be like yeah I didn't

think about that okay is he married yes oh what's the wife like um does she pick up the slack and do all the stuff and she recognizes that he's a little talked and then you know has made adjustments accordingly is he in the creative field yeah okay comedian got it not a comic but creative type for sure okay yeah yeah I don't know what's gonna happen to me how it's gonna happen it's gonna happen when I'm not thinking about it 100% and when it's not pandemic and I'm gonna be in some situation because I'm gonna keep working and it'll be I don't know what it'll be it'll be great I have a good feeling I think I think number second one's gonna be the best one of my neighbors they're all 75 years old that'd be great it'll be a real that's ideal and wealthy and then he dies and then you

get all the money ooh it'll be a cool guy sorry what did you say I said it'll be a cool guy every time you say it'll be a cool guy I'll make you come it's underneath that it'll be a cool guy I'll make you it'll be a cool guy I'll make it'll be a cool guy what if it is a cool guy that can do that I I wish for both of them for from your lips to God's ears to my vagina let's play a trifecta it's perfect I said it God heard it coming to your house yeah I want again remind people about the special because this is important live at the pandemic on Vimeo you can get the link at maryland maryland.com that's two the words maryland maryland twice M-A-R-Y-L-Y-N-N I mean it's on all my socials in the link it's link it's link in bio

you're on the tick talk oh my gosh I'm enjoying it look how great this looks and you said the music is done by Avery Pearson okay you know him from the comedy store that's right yeah he's fantastic that's a really good image you look great thank you so you shot this live in your garage yes what a great idea what a great idea oh yeah because I was saying that's where we started full circle of like some stuff I knew so well from the club so I would just pace and then some stuff was like fresh it's awesome you know what I mean this was just me the washer dryer the dog I'm gonna get it the cat thank you for sure gotten oh and it also accentuates my weirdness which is perfect which you know the first time I watched it without the score I was like yeah that's my style stand

up I like it and then he put the score and I was like whoa like it really takes it to a new because it accentuates the score play throughout or come and go plays throughout I love it yeah but comes in and out it's like it's kind of reactive but he's really good at that because he that's what he does that's a cool concept that is cool February 2nd it's available on Vimeo for purchase you guys buy it she's a mommy I had to rent it buy it go for it go for it do it enjoy it all right so great Mary I'm so I'm so happy for you and you know it's a it's new beginnings you're gonna bark on the whole new chapter of your life I think I'm excited for you I think you're gonna you're gonna enjoy it it's fucking ripped I got it all right that is so good I got

a couple guys for you to take for a spin you know see what they're like I'm ready for it now okay one tiny shot I mean that's really good yeah it is really good Jesus getting the DUI baby I like that you're slipping out of COVID with with the yeah that's a good medicinal I haven't drank in a month COVID you know 19 virus yeah it's out there I got a DUI baby yeah you can get one I've got one you got one no I never do you're gonna drive home today I am now oh yeah shit you're fucking ripped in half my driver is here so it's no worries oh perfect my limousine stretch limo um all right gene yeah I'm gonna sign us off all right all right thank you so much for tuning in you guys we love you Mary Lynn Rice Cub so good to see

you I'm so glad you're doing well and download see rent live at the pandemic live in Mary Lynn's garage you can get that on Vimeo starting February 2nd go to marylandmaryland.com that's right I love you gene I love you thank you Mary Lynn for coming thank you I love you guys so fun guys we'll see you to your health in a week ta ta they're returned we can do six or eight you're obviously smart girl you're attracted to me we are obviously two catches that have actually uh come together we are two catches that have come together we are two catches that have come together we are obviously two catches that have actually uh come together we are two catches that have come together we can do six or eight we

can do six or eight we are obviously two catches that have actually uh come together we are two catches that have come together we literally mean that's hidden kept jamb in the city we are obviously two catches that have actually uh come together we are two catches that have come together we can do six or eight we can do six or eight we are two catches that have come together we are two catches that have come together we are two catches that have come together