Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 590 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: February 10, 2021

SPONSORS: - Get started for FREE at https://www.peacocktv.com/ and start streaming today - Go to https://www.expressvpn.com/YOURMOM to get an extra three months of ExpressVPN for free - Get 25% off and zero delivery fees on your first order of $15 or more when you download the DoorDash app and enter code YMH - Start buying and selling when you download Mercari today from the App Stores or at https://www.mercari.com/ - Get 50% off one item, and 10 FREE items by using offer code YMH at http://adamandeve.com/ - Head to https://www.policygenius.com/ to save up to $1,055 per year on your home and auto insurance rates WOULD YOU DATE YOUR MOM?? Tom Segura and Christina P start off this episode of Your Mom's House by discussing Tom's hair transplant, the five love languages, girls Tom was with in college, and how somebody died in the old YMH studio. They watch videos of a a big word anthem, people pointing out personal privilege in socialist convention, a Scottish Fedsmoker, The King's response to CP accepting his date offer, the Live Life 365 guy's flossing tutorial, a golf cart accident, a round of CP's TikToks, and more! They also revisit classic Salome voicemails, and play a new one!

If you missed the live show you can still watch it go to livestream.ymhstudios.com and watch the most fun that I've had in a while with Burr Kreischer and Warren Sapp. We partied, we laughed, check it out. But you had a buzzed head, yeah but I grew some out in the back that I wasn't telling people about. They took that, they did chest hair, you know, there's arm hair, there's all different hairs from my body. That's why the color is so unique. You're my son, I'm your mom, you're my son, I'm your mom, ask them will you, ask, ask, ask them will you, you get your mom. Yes, I would. You're my son, I'm your mom, it's just like the gaze. It's just like, just, just, just, just, it's just like the gaze. I looked at her and she looked at me.

It's just like the gaze. Once in a while he calls me mom, you know what I mean? We're both consenting adults. Ask them will you, ask, ask, ask them will you. I looked at her and she looked at me. You're my son, I'm your mom, it's just like the gaze. It's just like, just, just, just, it's just like the gaze. Ask them will you, ask, ask, ask them will you, you, it's just like the gaze. What's up there Chomo? Hey, that's one of my all-time favorite songs by DJ Boy Butter. I forgot how alarming that sketch was, that video. Sketch. Yeah, it's not a sketch. No, it's true. The news. It's wild. That's someone's reality. Yeah, especially now having two sons, it hits

different, as the kids say. Yeah, it sure does. Now that I hear this, the song just hits different. Shout out to Uncle Murder. And not in a good way. No, I know. I don't mean that in a good way. I know, I know. So weird now. Yes, we have a few weeks off. We're gonna get into that. I think it might be obvious if you're watching, but we'll get into that in a moment before we get into some differences. Some of the way that I'm feeling and healing and looking. Let's do some dates. Thank you to, this is a good jam, by Odd Track Numbers. Thank you very much for sending in your instrumental. This jam. You're going on the road. Yep, I'll be in Pustin at the Pustin Improv February 25th through 27th, and then I go to Zaneys in Gashville, Tennessee, March 11th through

13th, and then the Des Moines, Funny Bone, April 9th through 11th. Tickets at ChristinaPeeOnline.com. I'm sorry, I said that wrong. www.ChristinaPeeOnline.com. Thank you. That's the correct way to give out a website. I'm on the road. Go to tomscure.com. Check out my tour page. I know that all the stuff sold out, so you can look at that. I have some stuff coming up I think in the summer that you can get tickets to where you can wait and then tell me that you waited too long. That's fun too. That's fun when they're like, I waited. And why would you wait? I told you fool. So you can do that. But thank you to everybody that got tickets. I really appreciate it. We're very excited to get back out

there on the road. Now, I think we should probably do the opening clip and then address everything. You know what I mean? Did you want to mention the two bears rental? Oh yeah. If you missed it live, you can still go to the same site, livestream.ymhstudios.com. It's available for a week. It's Bert Kreischer, myself, and Hall of Famer, Warren Sapp. Yes, we watched the game and we talked an incredible amount of shit. We had a lot of fun, a lot of laughs, and there's a lot of extra content that we shot in there. Some stuff that is not allowed on the interwebs. Anyway. Let me get this hair off your shoulder. There's so many. Oh, thank you. It's kind of a new burden I have, making me crazy. Anyway, let's do the opening clip and then we'll get into all the details.

Sure. I can't wait to tell people and share with them. You look so young. I feel like it. I feel like it. I really got my mojo back. Were you born in the 90s? Yeah, a long time ago. So, without further ado, I am on N-word. Oh. I am on F-word 2. I am on N-word F-word Tardis C-word, and I'm coming for you, so you're not lonely. This is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone over there. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Good job. I love. Tom is so sweet. Such a team player. He bobs to the song every time. Yeah. He really gets into it though. I feel it's sincere. I feel like it too. He loves it. Could be the song,

could be the Black History Month. I don't know. He always gets excited. I feel like I've had the same level of excitement this month and all other months. Racist. Do better. You're supposed to say this month makes you happier. You said that this month makes you feel worse because it's Black History Month. Didn't you hear him saying that? I mean, look to the right. Why are you being an asshole? Geez. I'm not. That was super disrespectful. So disrespectful. You're talking to HR. I'm offended. Now, welcome to, a lot of people are probably like, uh, are you 25? No. So we did take a few weeks off in order to organize. This is recorded. There's a gap. That's why we weren't sure when things happened. You know, let's just get out of the way. I had hair transplant procedure

done. Um, I've never felt better. I feel like it looks so good. Reclaimed my spirit, my energy, my mojo, my juju, my vitality. Even sexually so active with me. Your erections are even harder now with the hair. I didn't think they could get harder and now they're even better. And I gotta say something. People are noticing my erections on the street. I went to the grocery store, you know, just pick up some stuff and I had a bunch of people go like that. Yeah. And then I was like, what? And they go, are you hard right now? And I was like, I guess so. But you're not even noticing? I'm not even noticing because you're so youthful and vital. Yeah. Wow. And for those wondering, yes, it's my own hair. Yes, I can shampoo with it. I can swim with it. You can

style it. I can run my fingers through it. You can pull it. It's mine and I feel alive. So it looks so good. It feels right. As the woman who's looked at you for the last 15 years, I can honestly say this is the best you've ever looked. Thank you. And I'm so much more attracted to you. Thank you. And I love the color you chose. I gotta tell you too, people are like, is it economical? No. Was it expensive? Yeah. Do you want to tell them how much? I mean, I don't want to make people uncomfortable. It was $42,000. But when you think about the joy it's going to bring you. Yeah. And the joy it brought me. It's worth every penny. You only live once, Tom. You really do. You really do. And they took hair from everywhere. They're like,

but you had a buzzed head. Yeah, but I grew some out in the back that I wasn't telling people about. They took that. They did chest hair. There's pubic hair in here. There's leg hair. You know, there's arm hair. There's all different hairs from my body. That's why the color is so unique. And I feel like a million bucks. And I'm getting attention from everywhere. Men and women are looking at me like, you look good, man. And I gotta tell you, my confidence is through the roof. My self-esteem, I just, I didn't even think it was low. Now I realize it was. Yeah. Because now it's fucking sky high. You know what's neat though? You said they took the hair from all the different regions and then did they dye it one color? That was a personal choice. That was a choice

where I told them, you know, I'd like to do something a little different to introduce new Tom to the world. Right. Because in a lot of ways you could be like, oh, your hair, it's just, I was like, yeah, but there's a new me. It's like, I kind of feel like when Stella got her groove back. You are Stella. You are Stella. Well, what's cool about them using your real pubic hair, your real leg hair is that it has a natural curl in it. And they maintain that curl on the head. Most importantly, there's a story because one of the things that Dr. Morrison said to me was you're going to have to come up with your own narrative. And I really took that to heart. And I was like, who am I? And what's the story? You know? I feel like we're doing red table talk.

Mmm. Tell me, Tom, what was your story? I am my own man. I am in charge of my life. That is so deep. I make my decisions. I decide when to buy a yacht and live on it for the rest of my life. Wait, what? I'm just going to... I didn't say anything about that. I think $42,000 was a lot to spend on the hair. I thought we were stopping there. I leased a helicopter. What? I'm leasing a helicopter. For what? I'm learning to fly one. Oh Christ, not this again. Yep. What are you doing? I'm taking over my life again. Is this your midlife crisis? It certainly would be if I wasn't so young. My hair. What are you doing? Can we just stop at the hair? If we want to defeat capitalism,

we are going to need a party that will organize working people to fight for the demands that we want and to win socialism. Thank you so much. Quick point of privilege. Quick point of personal privilege. Guys, first of all, James Jackson Sacramento, he, him. I just want to say, can we please keep the chatter to a minimum? I'm one of the people who's very, very prone to sensory overload. There's a lot of whispering and chatter going on. It's making it very difficult for me to focus. Please, can we just, I know it's, we're all fresh and ready to go, but can we please just keep the chatter to a minimum? It's affecting my ability to focus. Thank you. Thank you, Comrade. Hi, Tom. She, her. Do you know that when they're doing this, this, it's instead of clapping so

that they're not offending people because clapping is an act of violence. What awful camp that you must present medical evidence that you can go to is this. It's horrible. So this was sent by an honorary producer, Rob Eiler, friend of the show, host of pajama pants podcast. Shout out. This doesn't even seem real. And he said that Joe Rogan played this as well on his podcast. It was just howling and how absurd this is. Well, this is absurd. It's absurd. It's absurd. This, this is why I understand buying lots of guns. Like if you're like, if you're like a mom, don't take my gun, and then I'm like, all right, but then I watch this, I'm like, you should get a couple guns. You should get a couple. I know what you mean. You should drive with them. You should keep them

in your car. You should get a permit, but if they don't give you one, it's still your right, man. Yeah. Yeah. That was parody. This is a humorous podcast. We're trying to keep this episode up and available. We want you to be able to watch this beyond the first hour that it's released. Tom, Tom point of privilege. Yeah. I believe that your new hair confidence is giving you entitlement and not only did you have white

male privilege before, but your hair privilege. Hair privilege is real. It is real. Because I am walking around with a swagger that I can't even describe to you guys. I mean, everyone here has been pointing it out. Yeah. Well, wait a minute. You have too many privileges. First of all, your white, your male, you've got resources, and now you have hair privilege on top of that. I think you need to undo your invisible knapsack of privilege and check it. Check it at the door. Is there a speaker against me? I'm sorry, there's more. Point of personal privilege. Yes. Please do not use gendered language to address everyone. Point of personal privilege, please do not use gendered language. Can you imagine,

can you imagine interrupting someone that's speaking to like a thousand people to be like, just real quick so that I can tolerate this? Point of privilege. Jesus Christ. This is happening. Happening. I know. What if this is what college is like when our kids go, I feel like you're not going to know. It's what it's like now, apparently, when our kids go. This is National Convention 2019. I'm assuming this is for like the socialism people, people that are into socialism. Oh, she did say comrade. Yeah, they're heavy into this horseshit, which we all know that has worked time and time again. If you want to go to a system that works, it is socialism. I can't believe she was like, don't interrupt me with that dumb shit.

Look at her look on her face. She was like, uh, yeah, good point. Well, her face says it all. She's like, really? Imagine if you just bust them to a comedy show, like this whole, they got on, they got on buses and they just drove them to like the beacon theater. Point of privilege. Go get your seat. There would be riots. What happened? He was make, there was noise that chatter was in there and he said he one time and said, you guys, I fucking melt it down. Jesus Christ. Who are these fragile beings? These are the worst people in society. But don't they all sound totally crazy? Both of the objectors, the point of privileges sounded completely unstable. Dude, imagine if they worked anywhere. Like, how could they? I think, how could you survive in society?

The first time you're like, everything bothers you. You're in the break room and one of them was like, can I just ask you real quick? And you're like, what's up, man? Um, notice that you just said man. Feels like real gender label. Like the fuck are you talking about? You work here? Like, what the fuck? I noticed there was only two, they're two bathrooms, male and female. Yes, true. It's like they worked here. They would be like, quick point, personal privilege. What's up? Don't make me watch this guy eat shit while I'm eating lunch. Oh, they went at last a minute at your mom's house studios. Are you kidding me? Literally, these guys know, leave your fucking dumb thoughts at all. Leave it at home. Because you and I walk in here and we're literally like, what's up,

chomos? What's up, fucking heads? Yeah. Pretty cool, right? Yeah. What's up there, chomo? Yeah, that's how we greed each other. That's the vibe here. Point of privilege. Point of privilege. Quick point of personal privilege. You've just ruined your life. See, this is this is why I wish Fed Smoker was still alive. He could go here to this convention and ruin their stuff. Why couldn't he ruin that? That would be the best piece of tape ever. If he has walked up, cigarette, and then here's the thing, they would walk, they would be like, let him speak, let him speak. All right. You fucking chomos. Take a seat, twink. I'm going to talk. What's your name? Twang, sorry, twang. Take a seat, twang.

My name's not twang. Shut up, twang. It's like an hour of him talking and hogging the mic, letting himself on fire. Are you done talking? No. Thank you, Conrad. I'm going to light myself on fire, Conrad. Conrad Conold is here, everybody. It's an unscheduled visit from Conrad Conold. I mean, here's the deal, man. I will say that. I think the intent is really, it's a noble intent to try to be super inclusive, but at some point, it's an infinite, there's so many people to include. That guy doesn't like loud sounds. Don't clap. That guy's sensitive. No, if you don't like loud sounds, don't go to a big conference. But their whole way of thinking is we're going to try and include

everybody and be equal and socialist. It's just really... Here's what you should do. It'll be infinite. You can't include everybody that wants to be at your thing. That's what you include. That's included. Everybody's welcome to come here who wants to be here. That's true. If you start complaining about the way we're doing things, then you don't belong here. Get out of my club. Get out. Get out of here. You know why? I'm a fucking American, you fuck. That's why. Comrade. Anyway, sorry that I'm so swaggy. I think it's the new hair. It's your point of personal privilege, your hair privilege,

and your brunette privilege. Nobody talks about that. So have you shown your parents yet? No. I'm taking my time. It's a reintroduction. I'm just taking my time with it. You're being honest with it, which is really really smart. I was just going to show up to places and be like, what? Oh yeah, I just buzzed it and now I grew it out. But I felt like it was important to tell people that it's from a transplant. I think you're smart because you can't really fool people. Like when I just say I had it and I really appreciate that, that you're so brave. Thank you. And I really don't think it's cool to shame people.

You get hair transplants. By the way, they pointed out that they think they found the British Fed smoker. No. It's almost equivalent to the first, I think it was the first video we ever saw Fed smoker was him walking up on the security guard. Remember the guy's working and then puts up their chomo and he says that to a man doing his job at security. And he tries to walk into it. He's like, how do I fucking get a job here? And the guy's like, the fuck out of here, man. So this is a Brit here. Same kind of setup though. If you have video, just stop it now. Yeah, who are the events you love? Where do I live? Yeah, he's not, he says British here.

No. You better keep your distance pal. Don't come any closer because I'll defend myself. Right, keep your distance. Who are you? Where do you live? Who are you? Where do you live? Who are you? Where do you live? Touch me, go on, I dare you. Fun, fun vibes. I dig this. This is Scotland though. That's the Scottish accent, right? Go on, get away from me first and there's COVID going away around. Yeah. Are you thick? I don't need to wear a mask. I'm not approaching people like you, you muppet. Can't the police see what they say? They'll tell you to muppet and I'm allowed to be here.

It's not government property. That barrier is government property. This isn't buddy. It's not. You shut up, you absolute tool. Love it. God. Tool. What's up, tough guy? You're the one that's got that tough. You thought I was an easy target, didn't you? You come out, bossing me about. What a tool. That was a big fail. He turned the word tool into a two syllable word. Yeah, two vowel. Two vowel. I love it. I love it too. And that's what you should do. You ever see a security guy just doing his job, kind of minding his own business, be like, what's up? How do you get a job here? What are you guys doing here? I want to film on your property. Parody. It's all a joke. I'm not serious.

Yeah, you see that? That hair has also made you aggressive. Didn't they put you on testosterone? Well, they had to like jumpstart the hair. Yeah. And you're pretty high. You're pretty high in testosterone to begin with. Yeah. Yeah, I feel pretty good. This is amazing. I wish we could see him. What does he look like? The Scottish fud smoker too bad? Yeah. They call him the puff smoker. Tommy, do your best Scottish accent. What you doing here? What you doing here, Mike? Muppet or tool? Muppet, tool. Can't do it. No, it's Scottish. It's tough. It's terrible. What's a muppet? Again, it's like a, I thought muppet is like an endearing term for little kids. No, it means good stuff.

No. Person who is ignorant and generally has no idea about anything. Yeah, the muppets. I thought a muppet, a muppet, a muppet. Yeah, well, let's switch vibes, something I think that might turn you on a little bit. Sure. Sure. I know your eyes are wandering. Not anymore, not with you and your new hair. Oh, thanks. You know what? I do a girl. I toss her boobies. Oh, wow. I lick them. Oh, yeah. I lick that boobies. That's my favorite part. Tossing them too. Tossing them. Tossing them. That's cool. I like how I can see his eyes under his shade. Yeah, well, they sit on his eyes awkwardly. Why is that? Well, because of his nose? I don't know. Is he too fat? I think he's too fat and they don't. I like how sex, back, the, the, back, the butt. I like how sex, the back, the butt. Oh,

yeah. Is he drunk? That's my favorite part. I think he's permanently drunk. Yeah, yeah. I think he's just had a couple morning beers. You know what it is. I did it. Oh, yeah. That's my favorite part. That's pretty rad. That was awesome. You know what I liked about him is just his straight out there approach. It's, it is straight out there. Somebody. My dick. I like that it's slow and with purpose. He knows what he wants. It wasn't suck my dick. It was suck my dick. That's so cool. Yeah. Do you think he, do you think he, this guy bags chicks? He's telling you about it. I like kind of sex. Yeah, he, he gets it. He got it. This guy fucks, huh? Yeah. He fucks hard. Yeah. Yeah. This dude fucks a lot for sure. I date him. Do you think he loves me? Oh yeah, he's cool. Do you think after

my date with the king I could swing on over this guy? I'm glad you asked. You accepted a few weeks ago, you accepted the offer to go on a date with the king. I did. You were very excited. I caught you masturbating at the show. Whoa. Whoa. What? You saw that? I did. I saw you were in the car and you had a little pocket rocket and you're like, wow. I didn't, I'm so embarrassed. I didn't think you saw that. That's why I didn't say anything. I just turned around and walked back in. You just, oh wow. I walked back out and you were like, oh, sorry. I spilled a gallon of water in the seat and I was like, okay. You got me. But anyway, he got word that you accepted. Yeah. Come on, Christina from your mom's house.

I said the name right. I just watched the show and you accepted my offer for dinner. Can't wait till the snow melts. I would love to take you to dinner. If you like, I would take you to the Olive Garden. We can sit and have dinner, nothing fancy. And you can ask anything you'd like. We can have a nice dinner and a nice conversation. You get to know what the king's like and if the night's still young, if you would like, we can go do something else. Whatever you want to do. There's a lot of nice parks around the area or we can just sit outside and talk. I love it. You have a beautiful day, my queen. I can't wait till the snow melts. I love you, my queen. He loves me already. Thank you, Tom. And no,

she don't have to show her boobs. That was very nice. I'm glad he clarified that. I was a little nervous. Me too. If he wanted to see them boobs, but I'm super excited and I think that I haven't been to an Olive Garden in a while. I think that'll be really nice. You know, they have those endless breadsticks and salad. Yeah, they do a lot of cool stuff there. Maybe we can go for a walk. I like that idea, you know, that's the snow melts. They'll be outside and talk. The spring, the flowers will be blooming. What if you don't come back? What are you talking about? Do you not want me to come back now that you're this new hair guy? I'm just saying. What if you're like, you know what? I'm just going to stay in Ohio for a little

while. I'm like, oh, okay. And I'm like, you mean you come home Sunday and you're like, next Sunday? I'm like, you're going to stay there a week? You're like, I don't know. I might go with the king on one of his runs. Going to drive? I've never been in a Mack truck. I've never done a delivery. Maybe only good things happen in the cabin of an 18-wheeler. That's what I've heard. That's what I've heard, too. That's what I've heard, too. It might be fun. He and I could go across the country. We could stop at all the different liquor stores. I could check out the lot lizards and every different stop. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. What if you could like help him up his game, like a three-way style,

you and him and a lot of it could be. Stop it. What's wrong with that? I'm not into three ways. I don't like to share my men. Well, seems pretty cool. Do you guys remember if you're hardcore jeans? Super high and tight. You remember that for a long time, when Christina switched numbers, she would get random voicemails. She got calls from a lady thinking that Christina was a woman named Salome, who spoke Farsi. These messages were coming nonstop. Awesome thing is, of course, with so many listeners, we had some of you reach out and you were like, this lady is an animal. Because you were translating that she was like, she's using really colorful language for what is clearly an older lady.

And there was one time, I don't know if this is on here, where she left English and Farsi together. She was like that fucking mother fucker. And then she'd go right into Farsi. All right, little English there. And there was one point where Salome had a squirrel problem. That one was great. This lady said, you need to put plastic bags in the trees and then the squirrels won't eat the fruit. But then I remember, I think it was the same voicemail where this guy who was translating all of them was like, you know, she said the equivalent in Farsi of like those little fuckers and like, fuck that. He's like, no, he's like, you do not hear like an older lady talk like that. And it was so fun because it was in Farsi. So it was such a mystery. Who is

Salome? Where? You're Salome. I'm Salome. I'm saying like, who really is she and what is she about? And then they stopped. And then it just stopped. We got a dozen of these. A lot. And it was getting really regular, really fun. Over the course of, I feel like three to six months, like that was the kind of the window. The Salome times. And then it stopped. And then this weekend. This weekend. A gift. Hi, good morning. This message is for Salome. This is Pharmaca calling regarding to your special order. I think you ordered. I mean, I don't want to put her out, but you know, someone's still looking for Salome. Well, she's still alive, which is good news. Yeah. She's taking care of herself. Getting those meds. Going to Pharmaca. Good idea. So she's still kicking.

And it's pretty exciting. I'm hoping that there will be more Salome voicemails in the future. And you know, another one that happened is someone else was a nurse and she would always get nursing job offers on my line as well. Those aren't as fun as the Salome's. I know. These were just. Yeah, because they were like, yeah, you can get like a nurse. It was a nursing job, right? This one pays pretty well. It's down in Long Beach. And then there was another man that had my number two, apparently, and he had a drug problem, remember? And his family, he went missing one time and they kept calling me. And then the drug dealer would call too. Like, got those bars, man. If you want somebody to. I would get text that the. Sticks on deck. Sticks on deck. Yeah.

And then the. It was a wild phone number that I have, apparently. And then the gambling was up. The game is at this weekend. If you want to place your bets, I still get those some real pieces of shit about your number. I'm gonna have to switch that up when we go to Teja. So maybe it's time to change my number. I wanted to know what that Farsi lady's been saying. The most amazing part of these messages that Christina keeps getting nonstop on her phone to me are that the person who's leaving them never hears back from whoever she's contacting, whoever you're contacting, hates you. Like, how about you just stop? You guys aren't friends. There's no love there. Selome. Selome. I assume you heard my message. I called today.

A different number than you texted from. Got your text. That sounds good. Selome. Selome. Selome. Selome. Selome. Selome. Selome. Selome. Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, does me fucking like anything? Selome. Selome. Selome. Selome. Selome. Tell me, tell me, tell me does me fucking like anything? Jason, our rich muscles. That's the laziest. That's the laziest person. Yeah. Selome. Selome. It's a joke, but they give you a hard time. Selome. Selome.

Selome. Fish and spinach, they've been on my mind. This is gonna be my vicious finish. Hold on, wait. Mom, I forgot to add blood pressure, dude. Mother needs her medication. You're gonna hear that blood pressure, listen. I'll have to call you back. She forgot her blood pressure, bitch. That's a serious situation. Yeah. Selome. Selome, Selome, Selome, Selome, Selome, Selome, Selome, Selome, Selome. Selome. Selome. Selome. Selome. Selome. Selome. Selome. The fuck about anything? Selome. Selome. Selome. The fuck about anything? Selome. Selome. I miss it. I know. I assume you heard my message.

You know what, um, that's Brian Daze with the Selome song. It's amazing. You know what I realized too because he's pointing out what we were talking about which like we texted earlier and now you're calling the wrong number and you're like how the fuck does somebody do that? And then I realize that is what old people do like because you know what they don't do? Save numbers. Like I've sat next to my dad and he pulls out his phone and he'll have my phone number typed into the phone and then you look through his list and it's all digits, no names saved. You know what I mean? Oh yeah. And I'm like do you not save the numbers? And he's like what's that? Like you can just create contact and he's

like oh no I just I know your number. I'm like okay so I think it makes sense. You know like it's basically that texting and then when she calls she's just doing it from memory. Could be. You know? Like or sometimes you know when your friend you have the old number and the new number and they're on the same contact and like sometimes you'll text back to the old one. But I've seen a lot of older people with just the numbers not saving it. Does your dad know our numbers? That's how he knows it's me calling it. Oh I guarantee it yeah. He might have a few saved but I bet you most of it picks it up and is you know one three one. That's horrible. Yeah horrible. Jesus. But that's probably better for your memory. I don't even know your number. Like if I were to lose my phone and try

to get what done. I barely know this address. I don't know where I am. I know. Well that is that is like indicative of the time though right? Oh yeah. A kid now probably doesn't memorize any numbers. I don't know. Do you know your phone number even? I know my phone number. I know my home number from growing up and that's pretty much it. Yeah I know like yeah some childhood numbers that are still in my head. Yeah me too. Phone numbers and then we had a number one time. I can give it out. It's so old. I mean it was a phone number. No. I wouldn't. It's probably someone else's number now. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's a pretty good number sequence though. At least the prefix. Fuck it go for it. I'll tell you the prefix. No like the first like there's the area code and then it was. It was the first one.

That's exciting. And then it was. Then the banger. It was. I shouldn't give it out. No don't do it. Now the last four digits of my number growing up was. And I really like that as well. Yeah yeah. How interesting we both had it. I'll just tell you it and then. Oh my god. No cut it out. Blank it out. The number was. How great a number is that. That's so awesome. Your number. Do you like. That's a pretty great number right. No yeah that's all like one that's easy to remember is just like I remember I used to have a friend that was just like oh yeah you got like in your number. That one's easy. I call I got a number from somebody one time and it was his number was like you know it starts like eight to eight or something and then the

last four he was like zero zero zero one. I was like how do you get that. He was like I just yeah because he knows some phone people. Yeah he's talking a big phone. Big phone. I'm upset because my current number the one that's the Salome it's such an easy number too it's the sequences of sequences. That was the emphasis on the wrong syllable right there. It sure was. It too has good. I I found out that I said something else wrong last week. No I didn't realize it and no one corrected me here. I said rebel rouser and it's rabble rabble I knew that. Yeah no one. Rebel rouser. I mean I'd like to think we get you on the on the important ones. That's a pretty big one big one. How often I don't think you don't on a scale of one

to ten. How many times do you hear that in a day. Not a lot. How many times do you hear one. I hear one the correct pronunciation all the time now. One one. I say one. Yeah I saw a clip from Tom Broca saying it someone sent me a clip of Tom Broca NBC's nightly news anchor for about three decades. He said one. So I was like that's right. I'm just going to keep that on my phone. Yeah yeah start sending it to people. Yeah they're shaking their head in there. Obi-Wan Obi-Wan Obi-Wan Kenobi. Yeah. Yeah. Stupid. Look in further away from it. That's people are doing. They're asking me oh how do you say T. O. N. ton ton. There's a ton of bricks over here. Yeah they're so stupid. So that's what we're doing now. We're leaning. S. O. N.

This is my son. I have two sons. Makes sense. What about Tucson Arizona. Duh. Easy. Tucson. You guys are just you're not connecting the dots. T. U. C. S. O. N. Problem out there is there's no dot connectors. No dot connectors. It's not like you. Nope. So now how often do you have to maintain your hair? Do you have to go back. I just live life. I live life 365 like I was doing in my 20s you know. Live life 365. Nothing different going on there. It's just living life and I'm being myself and enjoying myself and there's really nothing else to say. I can't add anything to that. Live life 365. So you after we had this conversation last time every time we come

in the studio I realized lately you have a new memory of whores that you've slept with and you're past like I swear you guys when we're alone together the last 15 years I'm like how many women have you been with and he just goes I don't know it's like I don't know I don't remember but it's kind of sad when you think about it's kind of honestly it's kind of sad because the it sounds like I was out there just being a savage you know and like I wasn't though I had like huge I didn't I had these these are like one night most these are one night stands and they're not they're not that memorable they're not good you know I'll tell you really I'll tell you the worst I'll tell you the worst one let me hear the bad stories all the your stories

are hot this is the worst this chick was giving me a foot job I put my finger in her ass and then I had chocolate on my finger and then this other girl gave me AIDS in Africa and all these are exciting my stories are not this exciting yeah those were a couple good ones but I'll tell you I told that one on to bear I'll tell you this other one see this I'm saying like how many stories are there because you're like oh I told that one on the other podcast well that one was that my black history month one because she's black and then that was just a tip that was my tip story and then I mean I don't even know you anymore first the hair and now this

the funny thing was different person you know what sucked is like I had it in and she was like do you have a condom and I was like I'm not a fucking child you know and so I took it out as she complained but anyway so here's the uh only because she complained you would have raw-dogged her had she not 100% of course it was in her and she was like what about protection yeah dipshit you could you fucking jump off the balcony okay so so anyway it turns out by the way that she was thinking smartly and I wasn't I found out later that I should have worn two with her now every girl that you've been with ends up having HIV well yeah this girl just jumped in a shower

with me like I was taking a shower she was like can I come in the shower you know special type of lady that does that now here's the here's the bad sex are you ready yeah okay so I meet this girl in college I'm single she's been single for a little while and we start like hanging out just like we get along like she's laughing you know it's cute um then we start you know we may we kiss a few times make out she gets really mad one time she comes and hangs out in my dorm room and we had you know made out a little bit and then we're on my bed and she's facing to the right and I have I'm like in the spoon position and then I hear I just I'm starting wait a minute you spoon this how hold on hold on hold on you don't even spoon your wife hold on who made your two sons wait

wait wait she goes she goes God I'm like what she goes you're snoring she thought I was just like like holding her I went to sleep you know so I was like oh no I'm not and then I did it again she's like I'm going and I was like okay so then I remember that end of the school year came and she was like I'm gonna be spending time I think in like Virginia this summer like you know let's try to hang out and like exchange you know exchange like let's stay in touch I never called her completely completely wow ignore because I didn't I wasn't into her you know which is why you fell asleep spooning her you should have been trying to stick your D in her I didn't really care so I was like and then you know summer's over you're back for school and she was like thanks for

like never staying in touch and I was like I don't care you know oh my god I don't like you did not say it like that no of course not I was like I thought you were gonna call me like I just you know I did one of those so we start talking a little bit again you're such a shit and then I remember we're we're in on my bed and she volunteers like as like things are start she goes I don't suck dick and I was like okay nerd get out exactly like I was like well I think your shoes are over there why don't you put them on and you know go for a run or something so now I actually I thought I was kind of offended by that like the fact that she had to come out and say it meant it was to me it was like I'm not going to do that to you you know I was like

so I was like well then I'm not going to say anything but I'm definitely not going to do it to you like you know when I would have obviously but I was like yeah you're gonna like go out of your way and I was like okay well you know do something with it so do something with it this is terrible I hope you don't teach our sons to make love to women like this you don't suck dick bear do something with it so anyways sex I swear it was it was we didn't have sex and it was like it wasn't what'd she do just handed yeah just like we just kind of yeah it was just like mess around you know like finger butt and like you did not finger her asshole the second so so anyway it doesn't really progress from there I'm told I'm not interested yeah and you know

it was kind of person like we had like some type of like I guess flirty rapport but I wasn't interested in her so I graduate you know it's one of those things where like every once in a while you hear from somebody and now I'm in LA she reaches out and she was like we're gonna I'm gonna come out to LA and we have some unfinished business to take care of oh oh shit so I'm living in LA in Hollywood and she comes out hangs out we go you know you do the thing like when you're young in your 20s you show people it's Hollywood Boulevard and all that shit yes and then she was like I think it's like the night before she leaves and she's like don't we have something to do oh gosh and if it hasn't happened by then it's like and it's taken not really

shit it's taken like three years for this to happen you know I'm like all right bitch so stupid she uh so dumb we we start doing it and I'm telling you like there was just the point where she was like like it starts and then she was like you know going back and forth and she goes so uh you're gonna come no I was like um not yet and it was like total detached like there was no excitement in it at all and I was and then I was like I don't even I feel like I had to constant I remember I had to be like pretend she is someone else you know to to get your begot because I was like I gotta begot you have to otherwise what's the point well also she's gonna be like what the you know I mean oh god I'm like hold on I'll pretend I'm attracted to

you hold on close my eyes oh she just didn't I don't it doesn't sound like she enjoys sex I don't I don't know she's like I mean usually a woman doesn't go into it going here's what I don't do I know you might just go like you know I'm I don't know I don't really know you maybe here's my preferences but not like I don't do that it's uh not very sexual I wrote down some other horror stories but I figured I figured we should spread them out you know I mean yeah they're kind of special that way you don't want to blow your load at one episode you want to bread crumb them huh geez yeah stop it just reading over the list wait are you going to now

I mean are you now that you're this new hair guy yeah you're gonna put these pictures up on Instagram and hope that these whores see you now with my new hair yeah I can't avoid my new look what am I supposed to do act like I don't have hair I have a full head of hair now that's true I'm supposed to just wear a hat in every photo yeah I can't help it if all of a sudden everyone comes calling you're so young looking now so jealous I know um god real exciting the uh live life 365 guy put up a pretty cool video oh we haven't seen them in a while figured we'd share the details I'm going to show you how to flush your teeth in one minute so you can do it every single day one minute a day how to flush your teeth in one

minute ready did you say flush your teeth you pull it out to this about you see how long that was and you cut it off you take it wrap it around here uh-huh wrap it around here this is gonna be already until their level watch okay then you go up here oh stop stop it hurt oh stop see what I'm saying that's a really all right then you come down here see you keep opening man and you pull up and it's fresh imagine if this video didn't exist you go up and down up and down up and down up and down I'm getting it now I'm starting to settle in you can do it real fast so it hurts make it real fast and uncomfortable I'm pretty sure any dental hygienist will tell you

this is not your teeth every day you don't have a minute for oral hygiene that's a minute that you're gonna regret everybody floss you can do it in a minute a day do it right up and down up and down keep rotating it so that you have fresh clean floss okay okay and the hard to reach spots that you can't get with the floss what do you do get a nice plastic tooth tooth pick your dentist we'll show you exactly and get in there and get deep in those gums work hard play hard he actually was like this is a good idea to film this I can't imagine what's Tony Robbins doing I'm gonna do a flossing tutorial today do you think he got many requests to make this video hey man you know I waste all day flossing is there any way you can summarize it

in a minute something like that how do I floss I don't know what to do even when up and down oh okay it's a really aggressive approach he does to that you're actually probably doing more damage he's definitely damaging and also probably not getting what's in between no and you're damaging your gums because you're shoving that floss in there you're just making him bleed yeah dude you can take your time if you're gonna floss I mean how much time does it take maybe like you do while you're watching tv or something yeah it's not a big time commitment yeah it's really not by the way I want to ask you this are you gonna go crazy yeah and like really get bigger tits absolutely well that's obvious you need that but are you gonna go crazy and like change your face entirely

yeah as you get older of course well now that you're doing this I have to keep up with you you're on this younger guy kick here's what I'm thinking like maybe a facelift right now you know well it was brought to our attention recently that one of the most beautiful movie stars that we grew up with absolutely gorgeous woman to me more as a completely new look and I can take you through the years because I gotta tell you man it actually I know you're like Tom but you just changed your look and it's like yeah but it kind of bums me out when I'm not even saying because this is a movie when just when women do this when they go like why are you being so sexist because I feel like you see this kind of dysmorphia and more with women and it's a bummer but hey let's

be fair with actresses and women that have been in the public eye for many years so Demi Moore has been famous since she was what 18 there's two others that you just when you just said that brought came to mind Meg Ryan yo and what's the Bridget Jones's diary actress Renee Zellweger both of them but show them real quick but but hold on Renee Zellweger Renee Zellweger she did she reversed I think I saw something that she made it look more normal because people were like dude you don't even look like yourself she was so cute yeah she was so cute she had those squinty you know kind of cherubic little cheeks and her eyes were so squinty and then she widened her eyes oh yeah it doesn't even it didn't even now I gotta say this she looks dramatically different but it doesn't

look tear it doesn't look like what the fuck did you do but it doesn't get a different person doesn't look like her and the eye of the squinty look is gone she doesn't look squinty which was kind of like the branding of her face right that was her like she had like the little squint to her eyes she's adorable she is and she's great and now Meg Ryan Meg Ryan is wild kind of dramatic too she fucked her face up pretty bad here she didn't need to do all that to the north let's see what she did she did a nose job she injected her lips which is I think a big no no and then maybe got cheek implants as well which is the thing about this stuff is that it's not bad it's just you gotta do it subtly subtle it's gotta be subtle if you go to your mat it

doesn't matter if you're famous or not you gotta go subtle with this stuff yeah because you don't look younger you just look like you've had crazy work though the best work on someone's face is when you're just like did you just get back from vacation or yes you know like subtle subtle and you find out that they did like a little eye lift or something yes but if you go like this and then the nose and the mouth and then and then implant and you're like what did you do this is what I like about what you've done yeah it's so subtle right nobody can tell well it's also it's hair like sure you're gonna go like you look like god you know on your head yeah but your face it's not like my face becomes unrecognizable right it's just like an awesome head of hair but

you are going to start doing filler under the eye and you're going to do a face lift now right I'm doing face nose lips teeth and I'm doing a cheek implant cheekbone implants you need cheekbone implants but I mean this will be a process you won't even know that I did it and calf implants too I think well that's part of this oh sorry but bring up Demi more I got it I got it yeah so here's where we start this is basically when the world starts to get to know her it's 1982 look at that gorgeous baby face what is she 18 19 probably something like that there yeah beautiful here is um let's see 87 yeah still stunning oh yeah oh she's gonna get hotter here in a second wait till you see come on 30 is gorgeous that's like indecent proposal era smoking GI Jane this one she got

yoked for GI Jane when I think she does GI Jane but she's beautiful look at that face her her cheeks everything bone structure gorgeous like it's just great skin yeah she looks great aging well beautiful still there but hold on she's looking a little thinner so you she's very thin there yeah I see that the skinniness is going a little little much that's leaving the fit oh okay 2009 she's had a little work done here this looks like injections I'm gonna say she's had a lot of uh Botox and filler yeah I don't know if we done understandable surgery it's understandable she's a movie star you have to getting a little bit older brow lift maybe yeah okay she looks great still looks great but it doesn't look like her so I think something's that's 2011 changing a little

yeah but also shape she's got what she's probably like she looks great 50 here or something doesn't matter yeah she's hot that's 2016 where clearly like it's you know you've been doing stuff going on the cheekbones are moving that's 2019 okay okay so she's messing with the cheekbones but I will say that at this point I would be like oh that's to me like it doesn't jump out to me that it's to I only know it is no it's still her something's still off now yeah we're kind of moving into but she's also just it you know she's aging it's normal yep it's not that dramatic that's last year that's nice I think she still looks pretty great there looks it doesn't look like her though so there's something else there's something that's been done but then the eyes she had an eye job

this current one is that's oh no man so she had the cheekbones done way too much it looks like and then the eye lift is way crazy but the cheekbones I wish I had a better angle I swear to you I'm not even trying to I mean it seems like we're trying to shame her and I'm not I really am not I just feel like I wish people especially women would recognize that you don't have to do this I know like you don't have to do this to yourself I know and when you do this to yourself everybody goes what are you doing you don't it doesn't look better but you know what I think it is it's that when you're a woman whose identity is being beautiful and then yeah oh sorry I'm sorry

let me pay that when your point of privilege personal privilege is beauty privilege and then you lose that privilege over time it's probably really hard to come to grips with when everybody personal privilege yeah when everybody knows you as the smoke show and then that nature will take that from you you know I think it's 58 right now I mean she's she looks she looks like a personal privilege yeah yeah that's that's a bomber man yeah but that's also showbiz that's Hollywood that's not regular people you know she and other ladies wouldn't do that please do not use gendered language sorry I agree well will you stop it will you pump the brakes if I start doing stuff will you be like dude you don't need this yes you're crazy yes don't let me I'm not gonna

I don't think I will I know if you're like I'm there if you do something like if you're like they're doing something to my face I'd be like no I don't know change your face you don't know you're not 58 I know you might turn 60 and be like dude I need to get just a mini lift just a mini lift yeah but a mini lift is not this no I want a mini lift that's not a mini lift yeah my plastic surgeon keeps trying to convince me to do lip filler and I'm like nope I don't want to look like those Ukrainian hussies on 90 Day Fiancé they're always look itchy itchy cookie looks too crazy can we buy a couch today um if mommy lets it happen gotta talk to mom about buying stuff for the house yeah this is sad okay let's do something funny here we go tell Demi you love her working on the

golf cart I don't like it that's pretty funny he doesn't seem face at all he's like well it's broken well well no that's awesome that is a fantastic wholesome horrible or hilarious and it's certified hilarious yeah yeah and the sad part is I can see myself doing the exact same thing oh yeah I think a lot of people I mean he smashed the fuck out of that door and then he did it the other way that was so hard that he did oh my god that is so hard oh Jesus Christ he's like oh man he's like ah fuck put that in and he doesn't he just does like the old hat removed like well nope I need some new doors ah shit well shit yeah well how about if I do this way

amazing amazing oh boy oh boy oh check out this one you're gonna laugh at this this picks his butt show smells I mean did he hand him a turd was it a turd it looks like he's holding something grabbed something I think he just pocketed the stink right there oh that was hot you've never done that to your friends your man friends um I have done that but it's been a long time like like scratch your nuts be like you smell this or something yeah but I mean oh really like 20 years yeah yeah you guys are grody yeah we are yeah pretty we're pretty awesome guys yeah will you pull up the five love languages because this is kind of interesting well we're talking about this you and I have been talking about our relationship lately

past lovers that you have had and then there's this famous book the five love languages take out books and then you'll get the actual song oh Jesus there you go okay and I was discussing this with my friend Dr. Jessica and so these are the five love languages that you know you could do words of affirmation basically the the breakdown is that all of us essentially are drawn to one of these languages yeah like this is what you respond to this is what you need to feel loved right so there are words of affirmation that could be sending an unexpected note text or card encourage genuinely and often so I would like that I think I need words of affirmation physical touch hug kiss hold hands show physical affection regularly make intimacy and thoughtful make intimacy a thoughtful

priority receiving gifts give thoughtful gifts and gestures small things matter in a big way express gratitude when receiving a gift quality time create special moments together take walks and do small things with your spouse weekend getaways are huge and then acts of service can you read the bottom one the way yeah use action phrases like I'll help I want to know you're with them they're partnered with them do chores together and make them breakfast in bed go out of your way to help alleviate their daily I like I'd like that so me I need acts of service and I would like the top one words of affirmation however we were discussing that there are no there's no box for just dick touches because I think that dick touches are really like guys don't need any of that it's

just dick no no no physical touches does intimacy a thoughtful priority but that's not the same as saying you need to touch your spouse's dick every 72 hours to have a happy marriage and I think 72 hours is the natural natural algorithm there well you're you're kind of over time I'm overdue I know so yeah I realized because I was thinking I was telling you that I was like oh but you don't like super intimate conversations and you're like yes I do it I was like no you don't because if like I stare into your eyes and tell you something super meaningful you're like did I tell you I'd diarrhea today I'm like what and you're like I don't know I don't know what to say it makes me uncomfortable okay you've

done that a dozen times but that's not that's not true if you're if you're really upset and you're really telling me something meaningful I do that when there's something no no no I'm really upset I'm saying if I'm telling you something sincere and meaningful like oh my god I can't tell you how much you know you mean to me or like I really feel that you're like I mean your body you start to go like um like a gangbanger I go bro what the fuck are you doing right now so yeah you don't like that is not true that is a hundred percent okay here's the thing Bert a hundred percent it's true why are you saying it's not you know I feel like with other people I get very uncomfortable emotionally with emotional exchanges with other women I would say

especially women I get very like what does that have to do with this but with you I enjoy I enjoy your emotional exchanges I'm giving you the example of me I'm not talking about other people I'm telling you when I've done this I know but I feel as though with you I make an exception and that look yeah I agree sorry did I not say that I agree I have a very hard time with emotional thank you overly I don't like them thank they make me very nervous this is what I have been scared okay I'm like I don't I don't want it to overtake me exactly I know that but here's the deal man is that when you do say nice things to me I really do like it I just have a hard time showing you that I like it I'm embarrassed to be like I really thank you for saying that like

what do I say let's do let's do play acting like what's a normal person let's say you're trying to tell me how what a good mother I am and how great I take care of the kids go ahead go ahead I just wanted to let you know that I so appreciate what a great mother you are yeah I'm already uncomfortable I haven't even said anything yet oh my asshole's puckering yeah okay go ahead don't you think that that's indicative of something yeah I work on it in therapy I've been working on it for fucking a day don't you think it should make some progress I'm I have made progress okay but I'm sorry so sorry continue go ahead go ahead I think you're just the most amazing mother and from where I sit I gotta tell you that it's it's just the most beautiful thing to see

somebody care for their children the way that you do it warms my heart that you're their mother how uncomfortable are you I'm on the scale of 10 I'm a 20 I mean then how can you say that you enjoy that I like it because I need to hear it from you and then I don't like actually hearing it does that make sense I don't kind of get it yeah I kind of get it I like to know that you feel that way so but then the way to let you know that I feel that way is not telling you that but then that makes me feel like you don't appreciate do you see the dilemma I know I know it's a dilemma but I love you so what should I say when you say stuff like that what do I say well you like first of all you're not supposed to shift in your seat start looking around sweating being like

where's this going what are you about to say I'm like I'm just telling you that I appreciate what you do that's totally what I do I panic inside yeah you're like okay well what though are you leaving drop yeah no are you so are we divorcing now what's happening okay so sorry so what should I say so tell me what the normal responses because I don't fucking know what's the normal response what a normal he will say thanks for noticing Jean I love you too good one okay thanks for noticing Jean I love you too are you a space dog or something do we want to review who raised me I was raised by two fucking okay psychos I'm learning to be human every year more and more all right um but wait what are your languages

oh you like well I like to express love I know this I like to express love with gifts yes I like if you know me well and I like you I get you gifts if you if you're around me and I'm trying to express it can be like you know it could be a romantic love but it could just be like friendship appreciation gratitude I I've always been a gift giver even like I didn't have any money I would still get people gifts so that's a big one for me and you're a great gift giver by the way thank you thank you I like you see that exchange I compliment you and you said thank you that was normal yeah I'm normal I'm learning I'm learning I'm learning I'm trying to be human every year I'm getting more I need physical touch and not just dick touches I do like I like physical touch

and I I like words of affirmation too words of affirmation I don't have to get gifts all the time but I do for me I I go how do I I don't know why it's ever since I was I think because my maybe I modeled it after my dad my dad does that I got you a nice gift gift giver so I've always been like that I give gifts so you like dick touches and other other touches and then words of affirmation words of affirmation yeah I don't need I mean you know that they're all good but the other ones not quality time you're not a big QT guy I'm not a QT guy I don't need acts of service you know it's obviously you appreciate it but I don't need it to feel loved I don't have to receive gifts to feel love but I do have to give them yeah you're a giver yeah I know and that's how I know you love

me give me stuff and then I like but I'm a quality time lady you are yes if we don't hang out I get really grumpy and really upset it's like when I withhold dick touches you get very grumpy hmm yeah yeah that was exciting I'm gonna listen I'm gonna work on it I'm gonna work on my ability to hear the words of affirmation how about that yeah I'm excited about that see where that goes I'll work on it in therapy this week okay um some emails that came in there's the the big titted animal challenge is out there now wow it says hello I watched a recent podcast where Christina made the outrageous statement that no normal woman could put up with Tom's behavior needless to say I strongly disagree so I thought why don't we put it out there to the test what

I put it out to the test or you know try it out hashtag big titted animal challenge and this is really important because it has to be authentic to really be part of the challenge men need to record themselves calling their significant others a big titted animal to see their reaction I'm single so I tried paying my friend a hundred dollars to film himself saying this to his wife as a pilot trial but he refused and acted like a real Kurt Preicher anyway food for thought love the show can't wait for the next special I think thank you very much John for the message I think it's a great idea but again amazing what's gonna be what's gonna make this awesome is that if it's authentic no bits don't do the scripted one do the meaning meaning don't give your wife a heads up yeah yeah

I'm gonna say this and then look at me like this like try to get the real candid response we can tell yeah most of most of the time when those responses are fake yeah they're just not as good the real the like the real especially if you don't normally say anything like that it's gonna be amazing like hey you big titted animal did you make dinner and just to see her go like what what did you call me yeah man I'm real excited what's your prediction here do you think a lot of women will be cool with this big titted animal I think you're gonna see the full spectrum of responses you're gonna see laughing giggling would you say someone's gonna get upset for sure very upset the fuck did you call me yeah it's so funny like I forget that not everybody speaks to each other the way we really

that doesn't occur to you it's not usually until stuff like this I'm like oh yeah a lot of people aren't cool with this I think that um yeah disrespectfully yeah it is disrespect I think to a lot of regular guys out there and I would consider you I mean in the nicest possible way I think I just mean like alpha normal guys guys guys I think I think they say crass shit to their wives they do I see it all the time but there's another lane right next to that of the guy who doesn't talk like that that's right and and there's a lot of those there's a lot of those and those are the best ones yeah like there's a few couples in mind right now could you imagine them saying oh I imagine it yeah you don't have to say the names you know exactly like Bert could

say it till he oh yeah she doesn't even register like what like it doesn't even he's he said something to her last weekend when we were filming he was like hey can we uh see your tits for this thing and she was like nope it just it just she just takes it in stride he's like come on you go great tits thanks Bert and then you know ignores him completely she's used to it I'm curious I wonder what what the average outcome is out there like what the average level of communication is between married couples that aren't comedians yeah you know because you and I do we have to give each other a lot of license to ill because we're comics yep and that's our job to be shitheads yeah and we've over time built a rapport of like I'm gonna say reckless crazy shit you're gonna say

the same kind of thing like it's the language we speak yeah so you know what I mean mm-hmm a lot of people don't do that no you're so handsome with this new hair I know so send an email of your video your mom's podcast at gmail.com there's no house in that email your mom's podcast at gmail.com in the subject line please put big titted animal challenge and please send authentic videos you know please make it real we want the real ones we have the real real jean can we please do talks pretty soon uh yes and then did we talk about the hats did I give that update oh no you didn't so let me say this the the two bears hats which I've never I love the merch game everybody knows that like it's I always felt like it's you know

kind of like joke writing and there's a bunch of new gear in the store if you go to store.ymh2dos.com there's the air cigar stuff uh Christina you got some new stuff yeah mine I mentioned I did not approve this shirt by the way I know but it's great nobody showed it to me and then you're you were like you want to see what's in the store and then you don't like it no I I do I just I you know would have been nice to have a heads up that we're doing that you know what I mean that's I get carried away sometimes sure sure forgive me please new jean stuff all kinds of new gear it's all in the store the two bears official stuff um here's the point so that hat you know the two bears hat it's it's uh we've never had anything quite like that where in minutes like everything is

just gone what is that show me it's the one that I think I I think it's not in there it's not even up well because it's sold out in a few minutes it's wild so we were gonna just let it go because I was like you know it's an exclusive thing and it's a whole procedure to bring in new era and they you know it's a partnership with minor league baseball you got to get re-approved so while it was still up the numbers were outrageous of people being like let me I mean really crazy I was like I cannot believe it's like this for this hat so they told me I play I was like I'll place this order but I cannot wait nine months for it they said we would have it in April wow so it's eight weeks that's awesome and there and we we ordered way more to try to like you know meet the

demand meet the demand don't buy it on ebay you guys there's no need just be patient get notified get get hit that notification button right so yeah it comes in but store.ymhstudios.com is where all the merches all the new stuff and the hats will be there I gotta pitch okay okay um I know that you want to get into it so I'm so excited I'm so good I pushed really hard that's what the doctor says to do always push as hard as you can I heard you bitches was looking for me so it's such a ridiculous uh yeah it's awesome ready to get into it yeah I'm really excited about this batch I'm always excited to see the batch what you've been cooking let's see where you're at this week you got it uh uh bro yeah I wasn't even sure what gasoline looked like until

I saw it in the container never seen anything like that before neither have I I'm not sure that's gasoline wait I don't know it just seems like he's like this works just like that it's like from his house I know so for those of you just listening this man has an extremely large glass extremely large jar see through jar I mean the jug but that's I mean that's gotta be like three gallons or something that is not a normal size just gasoline and he's pouring it into a car as it's parked he's like what he's got his own shit you know funnel system very interesting yeah all right I appreciate it I love these talks that catch me off guard I don't know where you're going well and when I what's that I like about this talk too is it appears to be somewhere exotic this is not like your lips are

dry oh I have some lip gloss can I have some sure it's really it's really bothering me oh I hate that isn't that the worst yeah they're never like they're so dry what are you looking at me like that for you're gonna put on some lip gloss right well I like I mean I'm just gonna it's really bothering me cool no complete the look okay complete the look oh this is like you don't have the clear stuff no no I don't use chapstick anymore what about that that gel you know like you squeeze it in the oh that's at night time I only put that on for night moves sorry I'll just sit here with my dry lips yeah sorry kid really bothers me when it happens it's the worst dry lips are fucking torture especially because you don't even need to have them

you can just fucking put it on just put on a little oh I like her once a car wash this is Alice do you need a car wash I'm available well you think she does a good job um who wants a car wash that's it wants a car wash yeah she did say a wash keep it in the Midwest so this is Alice we've featured her before she's usually in lingerie or something that's right so she's in her I think 70s she's got rockin hot bod and her husband usually takes photographs and videos of her loves showing her body and he loves probably when guys are like god you're hot he's like that's right that makes

his dick hard I think that's what's happening here yeah he's like why don't you wash the car yeah she's doing the car wash any would you hit it she wants to know anyone hit it would I hit it uh she's like 70 I ain't gonna hit it but I'd pay for that car wash though yeah respect bro respect you think she does a good an adequate job yeah she looks hot up there come on she looks great give her some credit give her some credit I like that and she's smoking hot she knows what she likes okay next video all right and we don't care what your political religious or social ideology or identification none of that don't mean nothing I'm in this here to above it here

I love I love that yeah I really prefer the direct I'm not fucking around flight attendant to the here's a bunch of jokes I hate the joke you know because who used to do the real joke southwest yeah it was all jokes right and you're like okay but this guy is like I don't give a fuck who you are listen to the rules I like that because there's always some dipshit on a flight who can't fucking follow rules yes now this is also on spirit airlines which as we know it's dog shit airlines I know the bottom of the barrel yeah I think only sun it's like are you between jobs spirit airlines yeah and you have to pay extra for like your bag for everything for everything you want to sip of water 25 dollars how do they why so let me ask you why are they so cheap is it

that the I mean it's you know it's just it's like any business that you have your kind of flagship right like the franchise on and then you have people who are going to provide the same service at a discount so it's just discount shit right right so they're just trying to be like you know you pay less but we have no frills you have to lower the quality of service no frills probably safe so I mean I'm not saying that they do I'm saying some people might feel like that not me personally I think this is a all parody is everything's a joke I love we love spirit air and many times not ever yes these are nun pranks nun pranks yeah I didn't know nuns had this much fun yeah I had no idea

because the nuns that I went to Catholic school with were never this far she almost browned her shorts and she was able to just say hail Mary full of grace the Lord's with the she even go like you fucking cunt to her friend the fuck right I just shit out of my twat right scared me so bad that means that nuns don't even curse when they're caught off guard yeah from when they're right to hail Mary yeah hail Mary mother of God full of grace I'm so scared yeah she's had rice that was really wholesome yeah and that's what I like to do I do that you do like to mix it up I'm looking forward to the next one which probably won't be wholesome are we going to see someone dismembered here we go I don't know for all you oldies up there just getting out of the penitentiary I mean

tatted back looking fine looking for somebody to wine and dine holla holla holla that's what's up I mean it's amazing right it is amazing what's amazing there's so much it's amazing go let's go through it well first there's the visuals you're seeing a lady in her car she has she's well endowed her she's got big old slip-sloppers as you like to say big big mountainous big dumpy flap wagons yeah it looks like somebody went in there with like one of those frosting tubes that you see you know on like a baking show and they're like put some more on there and they just push they just ready to go those tits are just full man they look like yeah yeah I think she has her teeth out I'm not entirely sure or at least one set of them wow because there's

unnatural that movement also she has a type you know when people go like do you have a type she has a type and this type is are you just getting out of prison like I know you've been there and now you're out and you might be looking for someone to wine and dine hit me up crazy what's uh you know like a lot of people are like well what's he like does he have his shit together does he have a job does he you know she's just like have you served significant time for a crime probably a violent one hit me up give me a shout now tom I don't know if you recall love after lock up yeah remember that was a thing on love after lock up where when the men knew they were getting out they wanted that first date and I think she might be suggesting more than just

food consumption if you know what I'm saying if you know what I'm getting at I think it's like wine me dine me I will make you come I'll make you come oh she will yeah I believe it she's the guys first I'll make you come she I bet you she has an incredible skill set yeah these guys are not soft with her they probably pound prison pound her yeah of course she's like that's how they express love that's the six language of love the convict got you bitch yeah and hold on there's more you're not yeah notice the faded chest tattoos the eyebrows are burgundy and drawn what's amazing of human beings are just fascinating that most interesting she is most comfortable with convicts like that's you know I mean that's your that's that's some people are like you know I'm drawn

like I like doctors athletes she's like I kind of like convicts you know but hey somebody's got to date those guys of course and everybody deserves love and needs love and this woman and she's smitten by the way with the idea of are you getting out because look at that look she's got a glow to her I mean stoked for all you oldies up there just right out of the teeth are out no teeth I mean cat it back looking fine looking for somebody to wine and dine holla holla holla you're right she has no teeth confirmation I knew it because she's a teeth head

holla holla well I don't know if they can wine and dine her you know they can't drink wine I mean you do get like 60 bucks when you leave so they don't get maybe there's a one off but well they're on parole so they can't wine if you put some money in my account I'll get some shit from the commissary dog and then I'll send it to you so it's like you paid for it but I gave you my heart you know I mean for real though oh shit yeah all right go the fuck inside excuse me I told you what I said look at this dumb bitch you're gonna go viral on tiktok oh yeah hi tiktok hi say hi to all my

followers to idiots yes on my property okay go inside you dumb cunt whoa excuse me whoa that was pretty intense it's well I thought you would like it because it's conflict I do like it but it makes you comfortable but here's the thing I like when like if you get to that point you got to show why it seems irrational that he's calling her that you know yeah maybe he's a fed smoker type maybe yeah I mean she seemed like reasonable I mean well here's your thing you don't know if she's been being crazy on this to call somebody a cunt in America really has to be top of the line usually it is like you're just like I like you know what I know that we call Adolf Hitler a knucklehead he might also be a bit of a cunt

Mussolini cunt Stalin cunt Putin's a cunt I don't really like talking like that about those people no those rascals well I kind of thought about it and I think that I kind of mislabeled Hitler what do you mean I mean I was just I was home and I was just thinking about it and I realized that I think to give him an appropriate label I think he's a goofball more of a goofball yeah yeah Hitler his team they're just a bunch of goofballs you know they didn't know what they were up to goofy guys let me see this again go the fuck inside excuse me I told you what I said look at this dumb bitch you're gonna go viral on tiktok oh hi tiktok hi say hi to all my followers two idiots yes on my property okay go inside you dumb cunt excuse me she I think

she seems kind of cute she's hot this Karen's hot but I don't know these guys seem a little wacky yeah and you can hear his voice trembling like he's really emotional his tremble in his voice yeah who knows what's going on there but I know that you like you like yeah but I just like I like that felt like abuse didn't feel like it wasn't the fun kind of no conflict that you dig not really no well I mean I don't know if it's my hair talking or what but I don't that's your hair privilege I didn't want to see her just get verbally okay attacked like this look at this shit I saw this this is not did let's see oh damn I don't believe that that mile per hour is accurate at all but that's still impressive

she's not going 17 what do you think she's going maybe like 12 or 13 maybe that's I mean I'm it's impressive but 17 is very misleading I think having having watched a lot of you know sports and seeing like what they they have miles per hour that when they attribute it I'm like that's not 17 miles now you're seeing you're like this chick ain't shit no that's not what I'm saying I'm saying that's a misleading caption I don't believe it but I do think that girl's very impressive as is the man's penis training her I can see his penis through his none of us were talking about that but now that you mentioned it let's give it another spin look at his penis right there I like the bone there's the bone see it

it's a good grudge let's see oh my when he picks her back up again it shows he couldn't take her mask off all the way there's his dick right there heart is a rock make me sick now so you're telling me right okay yeah I am right whatever you you better go do some self exam go talk to pastor carry history open and want to be out in front go talk to someone else who has wisdom instead of your immature stupid little worldly friends you disgust me that's good advice my gosh have you thought of that so for those of you just listening that was a boy coming out to his parents as demisexual

which is what again I can't keep up we google demisexual shit I forget okay I totally forget to yeah there's just so many sexualities demisexual people only feel sexually attracted to someone when they have an emotional bond with the person oh yeah it's me they can be gay straight bisexual or pansexual and may have any gender identity the prefix demi means half which can refer to being halfway between sexual and asexual now I don't understand what the fuck that even means okay I don't know okay um so he just came out like that she reacted it sounds like they're religious yeah I'm not interested but that seems like I mean doesn't wouldn't that definition almost comfort somebody more than it would like

that seems like they're saying like hey I won't be sleep with anyone unless I'm really emotionally bonded to that's what I would assume it sounds really healthy and then it goes on to say they can be pan fluid blah blah asexual or sexual that's scared mama mama didn't like that that's the part she was like are you having sex with dogs yeah I have a feeling he's bi or gay and demi I don't think it's just that he sleeps with ladies he likes yeah well you need to talk to pastor Richardson oh oh yes dude is that rad I really really hope nobody lives here oh they do the day I just accidentally discovered a riding corp so this woman is just putting this outside of a building window and is filming the window and you can see covered in flies and

yeah and there's like a thousand flies that's definitely dead body right yeah it's not just filth right probably because they're living off of something remember when that happened to one of our studios oh yeah was it the flies that took people off no it was the smell so when we we met blue band here native yeah we were working out of an office in the south bay and we rented an office in a small building you know there was probably six offices and it was just a standard office suite small and it was just a place to go and we can also stop having guests come over to our play we had a small place we just had our baby we just had a house we wanted out we wanted a space because we needed to make where we were recording at home his nursery yeah

so we got this small office sign like the three-year lease or whatever it is and we're like we're sure we're gonna be like yeah we're never leaving here and then like three months later we're like we gotta get the fuck out of here so we we moved now we got this office it's like 45 minutes away so I I call the guy that this is my favorite that got us the office that ridiculous guy he brought a briefcase with him to every meeting and you don't really see that and then one day he showed me it was just sunglasses he had like eight pairs of sunglasses in there and I was like the fuck is this all about he's like just depends the type of meeting I'm going to hey you've got your shades there put them on show him what he's what he said he's like these ones to say oh yeah

he had like and they're like designer shades he goes these are the uh don't fuck with me shades all right so I throw these on you're gonna fuck with me I don't fucking think so this is the guy telling me in the middle he looked great by the way I look good those are the Gucci's yeah wow those look so good on you so anyway I tell him I tell him we're moving you look insane and is there any way is there and this is the best is there any way to find somebody to sublease it right and I he goes I can see what I can do and like a week goes by and he goes you know if there's any way you could uh you know kick me a little scratch I could probably find somebody fast yeah yeah which was a way to be like just give me money to do this so I was like sure I write

check make it go away yeah I write him a check and the next day he's like hey I found someone I'm like wow that really worked huh so just gave him like a thousand dollars to do that and then he finds the guy the guy rents the apartment the way that it works is I had to still write the monthly check to the lease you know leasing office and he wrote me a check every month we didn't really stay in contact that much and then one day the building owner hit me up and he goes hey man your office stinks I'm gonna smell it in the hallway we gotta you know we gotta address that I go I don't I haven't been in that office in like a year and a half he's like what I go yeah man we sublease it so this is another guy he's like oh he's like well

we're gonna be going in there tomorrow and I have to let you know that you know like by law because we're gonna go in I go sure I mean go ahead I'm just letting you know I haven't been there in a long time and this is our this is our arrangement he's like okay and then the next day he's like yeah that guy was dead in there he's been in there for a while I was like oh he's like the smell is unbelievable and it was summer yeah and he was like hey uh he he hit me up he goes are you gonna send like the cleaning crew down here and I was like no no it was yp not an amp yeah it's your problem I'm not doing that why would you do and he's like do you have insurance for it I go for dead body removal no then LAPD talked to me detectives yeah detective chelacy

yeah LAPD homicide detective were you so stoked to talk to a little bit until he was like how'd you know he died in there I was like what I thought I thought you guys told me that he's like I didn't say that I go no the other guy shit am I in trouble did they interview you more than once no it was one time but I was like am I being questioned for a homicide right now this is pretty exciting yeah yeah we had no connection to that guy he was like well we saw a guy in here with no hair and I was like couldn't be me I got a full head of hair bro no way yeah they're also like it was an older guy you're clearly a younger guy 27 yeah look at my hair you look amazing god that's such a good look I know so cute thank you yeah poor guy died in there

I don't it's stank yeah yeah and I think you leak fluids pretty quickly too so it probably messed up the carpet it didn't they had to remove all the carpet they had to do like they had to do a full and they also emptied the other offices like people were not allowed to go to the building for a week he's like we're shutting this building down whoops that was like I can't believe that's what you get for dying in our fucking office dickhead and then I had to cover like three months of his rent because he fucking died well yeah he died close to the our timeline this was up thank god thank god thanks for holding on yeah gave me a break on that for at least it was close she's like it all those poor guy I don't even know his name I do oh let's not say it yeah

but look at all those flea flues I wonder if the flea flues came to eat him like that and maggots you decompose fast I remember also one of his nephew hit me up I'm like tell me about like what he's been doing and all this stuff and I was had to write back like oh he just rented an office from me no I don't know him or anything about him and he was like oh thanks yeah yeah how fast does a human body decompose you please look that up Tommy you should know this off the top of your dome well decomp starts right away I mean in the first few minutes your body begins decomposing really yeah sure but I mean you know it doesn't get bad until when does the smell the smells begin okay the internal organs decompose three to five

days after death the body starts to bloat and the blood containing foam leaks from the mouth and nose eight to ten days after death the body turns from green to red as the blood decomposes and the organs in the abdomen accumulate gas well he was definitely at that two week mark when they found him you know damn so he was he was in the gaseous yeah he was in a really gooey phase damn that means nobody was looking for that fool yeah poor guy a straight man calling me bud or buddy is a slur that is a slur it is a homophobic slur I'm not your bud I'm not your buddy I'm not gonna play hockey with you and you know why I look at me that's a good talk I like that guy I like that one too it's pretty funny it's good

and he's not wrong it's a slur a slur it's a little aggressive it hey bud hey fuck you don't call me that all right well he knows that you know okay say I'm gonna call you do you want to hear me talk in Minion? no she is on the same painkillers you were given when you were in the amber lamps and I thought you could relate what's that drug call they gave you immediately fentanyl fentanyl this is her on fentanyl yeah didn't do that to me beep bop boop bop I was like just get to the fucking hospital man I did not do that at all I had no I was on heavy drugs oh I know you weren't like that but you were definitely like not you had enough coherency

to leave that hospital I was pretty amazed I'm pretty surprised after a shitload of drugs yeah so many drugs yeah they gave me fentanyl oxys I lauded and I still was like I'd like to go home now yeah that's how bad it must have been yeah sheesh yeah and I was when they when they got me out of the bed I started to sweat poor sweat and they were like are you okay and I was like yeah I feel right I did not feel okay that was it hit me how fucked up it was when I got out of bed I was like oh I don't know if they're gonna let me get out of here now oh that first I lauded does fuck hard yeah yeah like warm warm rush into your chest and then you go oh gosh yeah that's great you gotta try it you gotta try it I gotta get some I gotta get some parody all jokes

don't actually do it see unless you're in the hospital and they let you try it this is why we have to do another YMH live soon because we can't we're gonna be back with the YMH rip I feel like I haven't announced the date yet I know it's coming we got a rip man this is like I like that one it's a guy faking a seizure in a McDonald's yeah it's pretty funny it's pretty good yeah the lady getting really upset that is not funny I enjoyed that me too good one yeah I thought you like it hey everybody on tiktok I just wanted to make this hey everybody you know this is me this is my life drugs pretty much taking it all but this is the first day I'm taking it back I live in my truck but that's gonna change I thought that was nice because there's a positive

message and you can show your kids like this is what drugs do to you you live in your truck you look like that guy it doesn't look bad well it doesn't look good either I mean and he lives in his truck he looks like a normal guy I would not be like that's probably a drug addict that's true he just looks like a guy who likes to party like beer he just looks like he loves his truck he loves his truck you know I don't see just a truck loving dude is it so bad it's not so bad to love your truck I don't think so especially if it comes with a bunch of drugs hey mom I heard about a new gender term what cool is it a term you identify with I prefer not to label myself but it means um feeling disconnected from the idea of gender in general well what's

the word it's called new choice oh I've heard of that term it's like having a null gender or like gender doesn't exist yep exactly and I think it differs from a gender in that you also want your body to reflect that null gender so to me both of those sound like how you describe your gender why is it you don't identify with either even the word new choice connotates some sort of like gender standard or gender role when really I don't want any of that I guess I shouldn't assume just because a word sounds like it describes you that it's a word you will identify with okay it's like it's such nonsense they're like so that is a word that's not a word and you can't use that word to represent yeah I got it please do not use gendered language okay it's not even like it's just a

it's nonsense sounds like it point of personal privilege it's nonsense so but there's no way to say something is not without referring to the is do you know what I'm saying yeah there's no way for you to be a gender or neuter or whatever unless you're referring to that which is it it it just it's not logical it makes me crazy this stuff yeah I see it it bothers you a lot because it is it is antithetical to reason don't look at me with your full head of hair and judge hey with your fucking beautiful hair privilege your what privilege what you got people think that I have this swag just because I know how to say one correctly and not you know one but there's a lot of people out there on my team my husband and I wanted to try the four course challenge but make

everything from scratch drinks were a tie so we picked our favorite homemade Baja blast he won the appetizer round and chose the Buffalo blasts from Cheesecake Factory then for the dinner round he won again and the choice was Chipotle chicken pasta with extra parmesan for the dessert round I finally won which is perfect because I have a huge sweet tooth so we made homemade McFlurry's one was Kinder and Nutella flavor and the other had Oreos and M&Ms cool sounds like you guys have a lot of fun together and you're cooking it seems really great he won yeah and how are they so skinny they eat like fucking pigs I finally won yeah if we ate like this we'd be like those thousand pound sisters no we look like them that's the whole thing you're not doing it right that's not how to do

it you gotta eat like them Kyle yeah you're fucking psycho you're standing here instead of going around I'm in a whopper and I'm going the wrong way to get some baby stuff thank you very much go that way and then go down the next fucking aisle the same as I do with my fucking whopper do you understand do you understand it's that easy the arrows go this way that was kind of fun um see I like see this is better conflict because you know the origin of the conflict yeah well and I think with the Pandy people are really losing their shit I think everybody's on edge and I don't know that I always adhere to the instructions of which way the arrows point an aisle but I don't really into it you know like the arrows are point the lady who's losing

her shit is walking in the correct direction but you know it's a grocery aisle it's not like a parking lot I know there's this lady's really upset but there are people that really get mad when people don't adhere to rules rules point of personal privilege point of personal privilege yeah um for instance I belong to the next door app and I see a lot of complainers like so you're not wearing they're missed properly on the corner of blah blah blah and blah blah blah I saw somebody an error one and they weren't standing in line correctly yeah like what is wrong with you fool I guess it because you it just gives you something you can talk about being too yeah you have like something to stand on you know I guess it's just like what are you what's going on in your life you know

what people are doing incorrectly yeah like something of substance to say I mean we complain about sure we do psychos but I feel like at least it's entertaining it's for the purpose of comedic complaints yeah yeah here let's see uh oh there's more to her here we go oh she has to do is walk back that way I'm asking you but she has to keep on fucking making people sick yeah yeah I have to be in front of you there you go hey but the cool thing is are you stupid are you stupid are you stupid stupid are you stupid I like that I like that one too that was really cool actually yeah yeah because you know yeah I was yeah I was on the old ladies team right for and then I switched I was

like she's being irrational but I feel like the the girl filming who's you can tell is much younger could just let it like just let it go yeah she was like I want to go this way and then the old lady was like I got something for you and coughed at her that's mean as shit that's mean and I respect it yeah good job really cool very cool I really enjoyed it very cool oh even isolated yeah you knew we would dig that that was really cool man but there are some people who have so much anxiety right now with COVID that I saw somebody in the grocery store in a hazmat suit like a full hazmat suit yeah and and you're like really if you have this much anxiety stay home just do yourself a favor don't put yourself through this an insta card that way you don't have to wear the

hazmat suit you know like if this woman has so much anxiety about going this way and that way just stay home stay home why are you torturing yourself even it's okay to be anxious we're all anxious and upset yeah you know stay home and just work on flossing in one minute and aggressive better yourself an aggressive flossing technique of course rip it up rip those gums up into a bloody frenzy stay home 365 365 yeah it's pretty good do you take a full minute to even floss I don't even think you normally do take a full minute I just go to do fast though yeah I mean not that fast he's so fast I just do it kind of fast that's just such a bad floss that was terrible his whole thing was like it was done really quick

and he's like see you can do this too bad idea talking about man yeah no he uh hey when you oh boy when you are broke uh did you ever scoop the deodorant out of the plastic you know how like it gets down to the bottom and you're like and you're raking the deodorant the plastic against your armpit broke thank you so I mean I did that last week have you ever scooped out the deodorant the remnants and then mash the remnants I have so yes we talked about that I wear my mom's I've done the thing where you know it's like hey let's get another there's another outlet let's get another phone charger yeah I've had deodorant where I'm like gotta make this last another week and then I don't know also I'm in a store I'm like oh they have deodorant here I can just buy

a few more just keep pushing plastic against my armpit like there's gotta be a little left in here get me through this day what the fuck am I doing yeah I'm bleeding down my armpits just scratching them open I know I've done the same and you're like oh I can buy like three of these at once too I can afford like three deodorants at once toothpaste same thing you're like oh what makes me crazy squeeze squeeze the worst is when you're done doing that and you open a drawer and there's like four toothpaste I know in there and you're like the squeeze squeeze squeeze I do that in the shower because I keep forgetting to replenish the shower toothpaste so I'll be like oh god there's just a little more so left in there just a little bit it hurts your fingers

now this you're gonna like oh are you ready no I'm not gonna I have a feeling no what's up it's Josh with Joe Biden signing all these executive orders that he didn't run this had nothing to do with COVID-19 but it was implied if he got elected what in your private DC New York social circle yeah it was implied if he got the American people know that that but he ran out he didn't run on anything he ran on COVID-19 I hate Donald Trump he didn't run on any of this other crap he's signing the law like I hate to break it to you 60% of the American population is white and New York DC LA Chicago you guys don't grow the food that's why there's an electoral cause whatever everybody in those states start going you know

what we're not gonna feed you anymore you guys don't create anything it's implied that's where you guys are heading he's how cruel hey so we are all very stressed out about this wow you're gonna be seen a lot more of that guy I mean he's so creative like he's got the opening clip which was two very attractive women that appeared to be making love to each other yeah kissing which was it's a real attention grabber and he knows how to get your attention and then he gives you lots of news and information of substance yeah with his opinion and then it ends with Taylor Swift well he's got a celebrity a major celebrity endorsing at the end yeah it's really cool and in the background so she gave her image to him in the background too which is like

well I we should say that we think yeah yeah we think he did he did yeah it's good it is good to have a front and back end kind of bumpers bump yeah for your rants well it's like in stand-up you strong open get him out of the gate big closer yeah and celebrity endorser it's huge Taylor Swift is on board very hot video it was like it was almost like a hot news story it's like it started hot and I got all my fill in news and then it ended hot yeah yeah and that's kind of I feel like CNN Fox News MSNBC should maybe take a little hint from somebody who's oh it was definitely most definitely you know imagine if you see like a bukkake shot and then you're like earlier today in Moscow and then you know it's just like right into the news I think Fox News did use that maybe

we'll do that on the next YMH live oh that's a great idea we can really try the experiment and send a cut to CNN and Fox and MSNBC and then you'll be like hey this works how much would you prefer it if Anderson Cooper like okay it's like CNN and then it just zooms in and he's standing at his desk and all you see is him J and his D and then he finishes and then he sits down he's like today in Russia Putin da da da and he would go on with the news like that when that be cooler yeah I'd like that that sounded pretty cool to watch him masturbate and then deliver the news yeah or or better yet he goes I'm gonna tell you the news and then at the end I'm gonna masturbate oh that people be hanging on for that news that's maybe the right move

it's like what Aaron Carter did on you just got to where they were almost done yeah Aaron Carter did that where he's like I'm gonna masturbate but first you have to listen to my song and he did and he did and then he jerked off it was like that's a good move paywall that's a good move for your for your to get your new music out there that's what I'm gonna do with my next hour I mean I'll be like I'm gonna do my hour sign up and then Tom is gonna come and masturbate um I feel like you should ask me about that first I feel like you should be like I'm gonna do my hour and then I'm gonna flick my being up here on stage nobody wants to see that I might rather see you masturbate nope there's no big finish with the woman oh there is you've got the big

closer it's different you know yeah do it oh fuck stupid so stupid every girl that I ever made love to did that oh fuck my cunt like that she's show me you like me show me that you like me what do you mean how do you show a girl you like her that everybody knows that is that how you got like you like lick it he likes me yeah that's listen I know I know how to do it live life 365 that's how women you fucking bitch you know who I was thinking about the other day mm-hmm it wasn't until he said you have two in you you have three in you that I was like oh my god this is actually happening I'm proud of myself I'm proud of myself yeah that was one of

the most iconic clips we've ever had on this she came on our podcast I know she was really she came to our house I know I know Jules went to her I came to our house we walked our dog with her after we were done recording and we're like oh we have to take beef out couldn't believe how teeny tiny she was I know so small and then she'd just gotten a Cadillac I think I can say that now it's been a long time just tell me about that talked about cars yeah she was really sweet sweetest we've always said that that everybody we've met in that business very nice the best peers so professional like they show up they're like okay where do I go what do I do Chrissy Mack did the uh the one with me for the the New Year's yeah she was great too

it's great she has seen you know professional you know what I mean yeah um yeah Owen Gray called in for that one before so nice yeah everybody's been really nice good people all right um we should wrap it up you have two in you and there's a lot of fun today that's three in her vag by the way right no no no one in her vag one in her butt you know one in her and then like two in the vag one in the butt you know they're moving around two in the vagina one in the butt right and then sometimes it was one in the mouth one in the vag one in the butt like you know rotating but she said she was proud of herself that she could take that many yeah dicks down there it was the two stretching out her vagina not just that the whole ordeal

right she could handle that man yeah that she was like you have two in you and he was like wow she was like I'm proud of myself proud of myself that I could do that and because you brought that up and it is such an iconic moment we can bring out an old classic jam oh that holy shit this song will be seven years old no this song was made by ghost crew oh ghost crew um yeah and it'll be seven years old soon wow it feels like yesterday that is wild seven years yesterday ghost crew made this for us it's uh the jewels is the name of the song thank you guys for watching and listening uh quick reminder that you can still go to live stream.ymaestudios.com if you want to watch the super show and if you that's the special two bears one sap live event

bunch of new stuff in the store store.ymaestudios.com the hat is reordered coming back in April and we're on the road so christina peonline.com thompsongirl.com you want to see us on the road I think that's all of it appreciate it here is the song honestly and this is like this goes for almost all the moments in the scene it wasn't until somebody was actually there telling me you have two in you or you have three in you that like it actually kind of clicked and I'm like oh my god this is actually happening I'm proud of myself honestly and this is like this goes for almost all the moments in the scene it wasn't until somebody was actually there telling me you have two in you or you have three in you that like it actually

kind of clicked and I'm like oh my god this actually happened you