Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 591 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: February 17, 2021

SPONSORS: - Get started for FREE at https://www.peacocktv.com/ and start streaming today - Go to https://www.stamps.com/ click on the Microphone at the top of the homepage and type in MOM to get a 4-week trial PLUS free postage and a digital scale. - Download Best Fiends FREE today on the Apple App Store or Google Play - Go to https://Brooklinen.com and use code HOUSE for $25 with a minimum purchase of $100 - Go to https://www.forhims.com/mom and get your first visit absolutely free! - Go to https://LiquidIV.com and enter code "MOM" for 25% off - Go to https://SoloStove.com and get 25% off plus an additional $10 off when you use promo code "house" at checkout. HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH!! Tom Segura and Christina P revisit the all-time greatest black YMH Clips including the angry NBA 2K dad, the "let me eat ya" guy, Captain Marcel, the TikTok Blood, RPC and more. They debate whether or not the Four Stroke Guy is black, and Enny plays a game of "Tom or Black?" Tom and CP also revisit some of their favorite old drops from Tom's retired soundboard, watch CP's TikToks, and discuss more of the girls Tom was with before Christina.

I think that's why I really liked you because you were just such a pig like what man and you know why I was such a pig Because I was in the cool girl club You know it's all the training from the cool girl exactly. I have them the thing you do you should be thinking Girls Going back on the road Back on the roadie roadie roadie roadie roadie roadie roadie Christina p online com for tickets I'm going to Houston Houston at the improv February 25th through 27th And then Zaini's and Nashville March 11th through 13th tickets for the Saturday shows are already sold out that one's going fast

So please get on it and then I go to the more Des Moines at the funny bone in Iowa That is April 9th through 11th again tickets at Christina p online dot com there you have it And I'm going on the road to go to Tom cigarette comm check out my tour dates a bunch of stuff's coming up a bunch will be added so just keep going back there and Yeah, you'll see you'll see a lot of dates added in the next few months, but there's some stuff up now. Just check it out. Thanks guys What's up there Cho Mo welcome to another episode of your mom's house we are very excited to be Joining you in your home or your car or wherever you live on the toilet on the FedEx truck You know a lot of FedEx drivers listen to the show they do they do up strivers up FedEx

I have a guy now You know we have packages you have a problem and it's not a problem. Yep. It's a life enhancer So there's always someone dropping off a package. I really appreciate that the Amazon ups and FedEx people Bring the package to the door. Do you know what the United States postal service worker does don't you dare insult him? He hits the bell and then just drops it like on the sidewalk I'm like, hey man, and he just already is walking away. I'm like, okay, then he'll does he ring the doorbell? No, he goes ding dong sometimes then just leaves it like in front of everything on the street I know his packages on the street like what are you doing? And by the time you're like, hey, could you bring he's just like

I'm in my car later. Bye. Well one time He did that right and I go and I went out to go I was like what I go the packages And where is it? He goes I put it in front of the house and I go it's okay You can you can put it behind the gate and he goes well, how am I supposed to do that? I go just throw it over I don't care. I'm not ordering China. You know, just throw it over the fence. Yeah He looked at me like he was he was mad and I wasn't mad at him No, I look at him like I'm mad. That's probably why he's mad at me. He thinks I'm a psycho like you are yeah, but I'm not You're so handsome even though your hair choice, you know what I say when he walks away

In so I say it into the intercom so he can hear it. I go you're good at your job as he walks away. Don't yeah You're good at your job And then he just what he stops. He's like, no, uh, I don't do that. Oh my god So no that would be You know what I like to do as a mean joke to right now in LA There are people who are so anxious about coronavirus that they're doubling up on prayer the mask mask Oh, no, I've saw I saw a guy with like a regular surgeon mask the N95 Yeah, yeah, the face shield on top of goggles and then the latex I saw a little hussy like that today when I picked up coffee

Fuck she was wearing like ho shit But then doubled up on the masks and I was like try to be consistent, you know If you're gonna double up on masks, maybe wear a little more clothes ho or use condoms, you know that bitch don't Oh Hey, you're getting a lot of motion back in that it's coming it's coming back. It's a little It takes a while though It takes a while and we did you but I started writing with my left hand That's right with it in eight weeks and we did you do PTO T and

DT's last night. Oh shit. Why are you so happy today? You're welcome world We tried a new I don't know. Can we talk about this? What you didn't like my new character last night? Oh because you you had like wife vibes for a second No, you're like did I shut the door? No, not that character. That was me being a bitch. I'm talking about I'm talking about I saw I had a nice wig on yeah, and then what was the first character I brought into the scenario? the old Whore or the old whore that was terrible

That was too. You know what? Let's open the show and then I will tell us all about the old whore. I Thought you might I hated it. I don't know what I'm never hiring an old whore again All right, let's let's start Christina P. The old whore is that the next special title you're putting it out there Can't wait to see the memes Okay, here we go Under the thing. I am a boy not a girl. I'm nothing. I'm not lesbian No, I am not

I'm a lovely boy I I Yeah, I have Before we go back to the old whore I Have shoulder pain now, which is really cool. It's weird because my shoulder wasn't injured, but it's the most painful thing now Yeah, it really hurts. So I had a PT and I was like, yeah explain the whole situation. She's like, well, you're what's happening is that you're having like

You're not fully healed. You have certain muscles that are overcompensating for the lack of other ones and So I was bench pressing and she was like you shouldn't have done that. It was like cool I was cleared to do it and then she's like, you know, so that you have deltoids and all the scapula everything is like Working harder to compensate for it. I'm like, all right. So what do I do? And she's like, we'll rest But also make those muscles stronger and then it won't hurt. I'm like, yeah, but then the lifting is what made it hurt She's like, right Okay It is a conundrum because it's the it hurts to do it hurts to do it and then they're like

But if you did do it and you did it well, then it won't hurt Okay, and then she just put tape on there. Yeah, there's tape on there and there was Stuff on there. Yeah stuff on there. Yeah. Goon there. Cool. It's smell No, was it like that stinky Chinese? I don't know. I never got my smell back. I gotta tell you either. I'm not upset about it I'm not either. I feel like 41 years of having smell. I was like, that was cool It's over. The only thing is that our dog smells right now and even the baby was like everybody says Like doesn't bother me doesn't bother me But then I got up really close to her beard last night and I go

Oh, it smells like bark. I have to bury my face in something. Yeah Anyway, it's okay though, we'll get it back. Hopefully. Oh So yeah, you were an old whore But explain it so I you said who do you want to be with tonight? Which one of my girlfriends which girlfriend experience deal? I was like, I'll take blue, you know And I forgot her name. I thought it was something like I go. It's up to you. It's your girlfriend experience name anyway So you came out you had the blue wig and I was like, yeah, and then you were like I've been doing this

65 years. I was like what? No, I was I was very very I was very like cursory like come on. Here we go. Yeah, I go in that Do you want me to pull your boxers down or should I just pull it out of the pee hole? And I was like, can we stop this role play real quick? Well, you guys don't think that's super hot like the old broken whore who's like, come on. Let's get on with it, sweetie Like it's just your day job. I just went

That's not true. It did not liar. I did not like that. Don't lie. I didn't like it. I didn't like it Well, I know that's why I switched it up. You did. That was more like nice to dumb hoe, which is my favorite player. Yeah And then you gave me a speech you gave me a speech. Are you Tom Lakers? You gave me a speech about my past. Oh I really made me laugh. Well Have you ever been with somebody nice before? Yeah Well, because I'm laying there and we're you know having a nice moment and I start thinking about What you've been sharing on the show and I promise you for years I've asked you these stories you don't tell me and instead you you first of all

I've discovered that you've lied to me for the last 15 years because every time I ask you're like, I don't know some Scallywags like I can't even tell you the number just whatever it wasn't a big deal No, I'd never cares and then on the show you're like well She put her she gave me a foot job under the table and then she said that her boyfriend puts a dildo in her ass And then there was this other girl who was like, I don't suck dicks and I Barely had to muster out an orgasm just to be with her and I'm like is there anybody? Oh, and then the famous one the Tunisian horror that you talk about on your special like I'm like all of these women are Cool girls

Is there anybody normal and you're just a nice lady that you made love with consistently that you learned stuff from? Yeah, there was a there was a few you say that okay, so then I said then he goes yeah, there was this is the best He goes yeah, there was one nice girl. I go great. Let's hear about the nice girl. I'd love to was she sweet to you? She goes he goes well. Yeah, we had a nice three months together and then you know, she ghosted me like three or four times and then We you and I started dating and then she tried sniffing in your yard again, but I'm like this doesn't sound like a nice Person she ghosted you three or four. I go. I never ghosted you. I met you. I liked you Yeah, I kept you around because I she was pretty she really was pretty nice though

Yeah, no, no, I mean like she wasn't she wasn't like some of these trash bags. I've been with she was like She was an actual a nice person, but you know, but she just ghosted you I mean she did that was that but I'm saying like she's not she wasn't like a piece of shit She was just like you know, she she's still a member of the cool girls club. Yeah, I don't think so. No She was pretty nice. There was I say there was four nice ones for Yeah Yeah, and the number changes too every time she was nice the girl in Georgia was nice the

Try to think oh, there was one New York girl. There's a few New York girls but one of them a few one of them was pretty nice and and Then yeah, there was one more. Okay, but Yeah, but all this is this is not truth because in the years. I've asked you you've been like Like and now you're like it was three in New York Roll in New York, so what happened was I got You know that Tom and I are not uptight and we're really open with each other in

Private life as on the show like I don't know why you don't tell me this stuff We're drinking together getting high like I'm telling you right now On a podcast like not in our private life. Sure. I'll tell you in private too. So Okay, so who are the normals oh wait wait you were gonna tell me about well, do I know the normals no, let's hear some more cool girls Well, you tell me what you want to tell me. I'm trying to think I've told you some stuff Like I told you about I was on a roll in New York. What happened was my sister moved to New York Okay, like out of college. She was in Boston and then she moved to New York So that became a destination because she lives there and also I have a place to stay, you know perfect

It's perfect. Every time I was going to New York for a minute. I would hook up with somebody It was so easy like you would just be like what's up bitch, and then you'd be sleeping with someone, you know So No, I really was it was wild Like at that point you because I was so used to Different places. I live in New York. You would just like walk down the street some pussy would just fly in your face It would just fly in your lap Like I tell you my st. Patty's hookup story. I don't remember you remember that one. I've told that before

I don't remember that I was in I was it was st. Patrick's Day, and I was in New York, and I was at a bar with my friend. Okay, and this is in my roommate okay, and These two girls just approached they came up to us I remember you tell you that and then we went back to their place in the separate rooms handled our business and then Slept there and then the next morning we're like peace and that was it like that was right It sounds like another cool girl experience. Yeah, she was pretty cool

But what I'm talking about is just like a nice like a woman who? You consistently had a relationship with and the sexual like not just a hooker you met in a bar or Yeah, like not these anomaly weirdos these riff raps I'm talking like I heard about this What happened was ladies that you made love to lots. Yeah, so There was the one that you know about for a couple years. Sure, then there was definitely the three month DC thing. Okay. All right, then I moved to LA. So that's actually right and then yeah She goes to me, but she goes to me like you know as I'm leaving town. Yeah, that is nice. I actually got I got I got

If you want to know I'm trying to understand. I got good lies all whole Relationship telling you the truth. Okay, go ahead. I got dissed hard because I was trying to be slick my last night in DC This that she dissed me, but I dissed somebody else and I ended up alone Okay, so I was dating like three girls in DC, right? And I was like, I'll see you on Monday. See you on Wednesday. I'll see you on Friday Make sure that shit is cleaned up and ready to go. So, you know, were you banging all of them? Of course I was slaying in that 22 year old dick around. Oh my god. You are so nasty. I didn't give a fuck about these hoes, right? So

This is so troubling There's that bit. All right, so Trying to remember their names So anyways, there's the Do you remember their names? I remember To there's actually four girls I went out with there, but I remember two of their names. I'm not gonna say their names. No, of course So anyway, one girl We had gone out with screwed around a little bit and

I was just like, you know, like she's like a Placeholder, you know, like a bookmark, but I don't really I'm not that interested So and then there was the girl who I really liked who who ended up dissing me. Mm-hmm Dude, she dissed me so hard the last night. So what I do is I had to pack up my stuff. I'm leaving. I'm leaving DC I'm gonna go to Florida for a couple For like six weeks and then come to LA so I'm gonna go to my parents house for like six weeks Like just regroup and then move out to LA So it's my last night in DC. Everybody knows about it

You know, uh, they had a party for me at work. I fucked my friends a hand at the party Oh my god, that's another one on the cool girl club. I forgot about the Yeah, so gross. Yeah, so that's another Amazing, they're all dare Alex and degenerate when you try to be too slick. This is what happened So it's my last night in DC. I had seen friends, you know, you have like your goodbye dinners and blah blah blah So I'm seeing a couple girls. I really like we got to come up with names for them. I really like Sandy All right, I really like Sandy. Okay, and I had also Gone out with

Carly Carly. Okay. Okay So Carly, I'm just like whatever right? She's your throw-around. Yeah, Sandy. I really like okay So what I do is I get all my stuff. I pack up. I'm gonna do a long drive in the morning. I get a hotel in like Outskirts of DC like a decent place and of course I tell Sandy Hey, I got this hotel. We've already been going out I've been banging on it. Yeah, and she's like great. I will I'll come by and I'm like, all right, like when because I get to the hotel

I don't know. It's like mid-afternoon and she says I got this and that so later like maybe nine or ten I'm like, okay. All right, rub my hands together. I'm so excited to see Sandy. Yeah Carly calls me and she's like, where are you? I'm like, I Left She's like you left where I'm like I left DC. I'm lying to her, right? Yeah, and she's like, what are you talking about? Like it's your last night. I'm I went and I got my hair done. I'm all dressed up I got like I wanted to spend the night with you So I was like, uh, I mean, I just

She's like, how could you leave without saying goodbye because we've gone out a few yeah No, that's reasonable. Yeah, and I was like, I just you know, I don't plant roots, you know, I just can't Tommy was a rolling stone and Stupid You're like 12 at the time. Yeah, you're like, what's up, babe? And I was like, but then here's the thing part of my Brain is going. Well, maybe you can have her come over get your de-est Yeah, and then throw her out and then have said the second one. Yeah, two for get a two for a six-hour That's a great idea

But I was like this bitch isn't gonna leave if I let her come over. That's for sure because she's expecting night cuddles Carly thinks like there's love, you know, yeah, so I was like Debating like do I just do I go? Okay? You know, I'm still in town. I do so hard to say goodbye to you So like that kind of thing. So I Feel sick already I don't even know I Have the debate in my mind about what to do. Mm-hmm. And I just tell myself it's all about Sandy

Let Carly go, right? Well because it is a player's debate Like if you it's like the bird in the hand or two stinky bushes, isn't that what they say? That's what they say. So what I'm really concerned about though is if I bring Carly over who I know I don't really know you could bust nuts But but that that would fuck up my later Because you could you I know I'm trying to think of ways out. You can there's no way out. There's no like once she's over She's not gonna be like I'm gonna leave. She'll be like I'll spend the night with you Of course, and then she'll want to cry the next day

And I knew it she was so mad she was so so mad of course and she's cute and stuff She ten she told other people about it who I know Furious wasted makeup too. Yeah, and she just out. You got her hair. Yeah Takes hours. So I was like, you know, I mean, I was like I didn't want to Like ruin her day or like have the the conflict, but I ultimately I was like, you know, I really like Sandy so I got a So I go I make my decision. I'm not gonna see her and I'm like, that's just I'm gone I really let I told her I was in like South Carolina by then or something. Right. Right. So she's like fine You're an asshole and just you know, she was upset

But I'm like ups. I'm upset for a minute about it. And then I'm like, yeah, but at least Sandy's coming over Yeah, you're still gonna get your so it's like you're seven eight nine. I'm getting like nervous 10 And then I'm like, where are you blah blah never comes over never says anything. I had to jay my D Self what a fucking whore Sandy is she left me high and dry and she never texted you back or anything No, I mean no excuse. It was like Way like, you know, what did she say later? I don't remember. I don't remember. It was it was some bullshit. And I was like, all right Then we started seeing each other. We started talking long distance again. And then we finally saw each other I don't know a year later. And when I saw her a year later, I had I didn't have any feelings for her anymore

It's like they just went away. Yeah, so I saw her and I was like Whatever and then that's when she started like writing letters. That is always what happens whenever So I write me a lot whenever. Yeah, whenever you give those bitches no attention That that kind of are like aloof to you. That's like the aphrodisiac Really want to be up in your shit. And then you're like, what's your name again? You pretty little bitch And then they're like, I think I love you Stupid now, what would you guys have done that night? Like any what would you have done in Tom's situation? I mean, so you were playing this Carly girl, right? Yeah. Yeah, I just wanted to get like, you know a little

Yeah a little on the side, but I didn't I didn't have any feelings for her, you know, I would have I would have made that the Fairy tale moment and I would have been like would have called her back I mean, so it was what 10 by 10. You're like, all right, she's definitely not no But that's the thing is that I kept I didn't know I didn't like I kept having that thing thinking like that And I was like, all right call Carly, but I was like she's gonna come over now and Sandy's gonna show up and that I couldn't risk risk that because I liked Sandy too much And I was like there's no way out of that like if if she's here and then and all of a sudden she goes. Sorry. I'm late That's true. I should have gone to Carly. That's the

All right, I'll come see you and then I And and you could have gone later be like I drove here all the way I drove I was in Greenville, South Carolina, and I drove here to see you that is so evil and I love it That is sinister. I mean if you're gonna play the game win it, you know what I mean? Yeah, so and you would you pull up with the U-Haul like put with all your stuff in it like oh god I'm so tired. I'm out here. I love you What a long journey you do and then I come and I'm like no

Later bitch, and then you kick her to the curb you throw a dead body in the U-Haul and No, no one's dead She's totally alive Damn see if I don't you wish we could time travel and you could have gotten that of course information that any gave you and then I Wish I could find her right now. Just give her a little you know give her a little Just hook her up give her a treat. I know what she likes so Anyway, so that was another asshole. So that's why so car Just Sandy and my mind is a good girl, right?

Right just to recap and then Carly actually sounded like a nice girl. I wanted nothing to do with her You wanted to go with Sandy who was a ghost or she was aloof and mysterious and and not not here's the thing I need a little disdain. Yeah, I know that's why you and I work I need someone who's after like hot top good to see I'm like I need someone who's like whatev and I'm like But that's why you and I worked in the beginning. Oh, yeah, that's how you got me because you were like men suck I was like, all right. I just gotten out of a gnarly Relationship though, and I was like I'm never getting married. I hate men. This is all bullshit. I was like, oh, do we and then I was like

I love you That's so true. But do you still but every now and then I still give you a little disdain. Yeah, you do and you still like that, right? Sure That's not that's not a little a little now. You're okay with me liking you. Yeah, of course Well, it's a little further along now. I don't know if you know that I don't know if it is Tom now that this whole double life We just found out double life So give me another example of who you think a nice girl is. Oh, I'll tell you So this this one little bitch. I saw her

So fun to talk so recklessly, okay, but how long give me a like no this okay? All right. Oh my god Just for the record John. Yeah, like I have I have long-term boyfriend. I didn't do that I didn't do that. No, I know it's all it's all cool girls on your path Just a string of cool chicks, but then I met you I met you young you keep forgetting that that's true I met you really young and we started dating. I was pretty I was 25 when we started. That's crazy Yeah, so that wild everything before then it's like it's really only five years of being single I mean I was dating someone till I was 20 nerd and then I'd only had five years

That's when did you bust your first nut then 17? Damn you fucking old and shit. I mean in someone's mouth you're talking about. Oh my god Because I feel like I had a lot of sex, but with fewer people and people who I cared for Pretty deeply and I didn't give a shit about that. Yeah, so it's a difference between you and me You had a lot of sex. That's so much fucking but with like fewer dudes and like nice guys Can you rank them guys rank them how sexually? Well, I don't know. I can't use names and so Come up with alternative. I will say and I will say yeah Your honor. Yeah, you are the nastiest by far. Come on the nastiest

Just like alpha male, but I think that's why I really liked you because you were just such a pig Like what man and you know why I was such a pig because I was in the cool girl club Yeah, it was all the training from the cool girl exactly You do you should be thanking the cool girls. They made you into the savage that you are now So you're with all just gentlemen before well Because you the other day we were in the kitchen and you're like like what's like the craziest thing or what have you done? I was like really truly you were the one that I was like, whoa, this guy is fucking a pig off the chain Yeah, like you cuz cuz you guys forget like I was goth and kind of emo for so many years

So the guys I were dating were dating guys. I was dating the guys If I can speak English, right the guys was dating we're dating They were more feminine like beta Dudes, do you know what I mean? I put it this way. I never dated a guy who watched football Like that just was not a thing. They wore like velvet skirts and makeup and they were more Into feelings and stuff. So when you came along and you were like football farts Just crazy shit. I was like in your head wild. Yeah Stable my tits to the desk

But it was I had to get used to it because I I took it as like red flags I was like, hey fucking messed up. So wait. So was all the sex before just like very You know, it's whatever love-making. I mean For the most part of their boyfriends. Yeah, so it wasn't like The girl who gave me a foot job under the table and then told the finger my ass the first night like we weren't Like, you know what I mean? No, it was more like it was just like normal like, you know, not like you and I are super I know kink or whatever

But yeah, it was way tamer. Yeah, yeah It's really weird now. I think about it. What's weird just like cuz I was so young too. I think that's another thing too Is you're so young. Yeah Like you're my first boyfriend of four years. It was just like learning to fuck. Yeah, like, oh my god. We put that in there Yeah, oh my god, the first girl that I yeah, it's a nightmare fingered. Yeah, she was like hey, uh, that's not the whole Did you put in her be hold no, I was just like jamming the front of it She was like go back, I was like, ah Right but that takes a few years just even get comfortable with like

Thing a goes in slot B like that takes a while Yeah, and like you're not I wasn't comfortable at 20 years old Yeah, or even until I was older dude one time this pig came up to me Jesus and She just handed me a condom as her. Hello. Oh, I swear. I mean who really lives this life. I swear. I swear on our children Where Madrid, oh my god, this is what I'm talking like I didn't have experiences I mean, I gotta say it was peak time. I was fucking I'll send you a fucking Madrid photo and you'll start flicking your bean So she saw me and she was like god damn. You're and I was like, what's up?

And then she's like we'll be using this later just gave me a condom and I was like and I'll be calling you in about 15 minutes And did you? Yep. And Oh nasty nasty gross So anyway, there's this nice girl in Georgia We hung out I'm so like I'm sad like I'm actually sad right now really It's fun reminiscing. Yeah for you. Maybe I'm thinking about

It's all these these night moves. You've been making for me night All right, we can move on. No, what tell me about the Georgia. She was she was really sweet really sweet What happened there? We didn't live in the same city and I was like I was insecure because I was like, oh, you know I I just I liked her. I really liked her and I was I should have like when I looked back at it at the time I was like, I should have like reached out to her more and tried to see what you fucking call her now I mean, I don't have her number. Hmm. I Miss her so much. I don't miss her She's nice. Oh, yeah, I told you she she helps people. Oh

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is a nice for her. She's a really nice person. Wow. Yeah, and she knew how to King Tom Stop it Gobble gobble gobble. Well, you're not with her now. So obviously she wasn't that great That's true No way. No, I know I said that's true

And I wonder if she's seen your mini Netflix specials for sure. There's a guy that fucking comes on curtains That's my old boyfriend Tom She remembers Okay You know, I liked about her we really got She got right to it. You know, I mean she didn't fuck around with like hey, let's talk for a while All right, let's go back to this Opening clip. It's pretty cool guy. I'm another thing. I am a boy not a girl

I'm not lesbian No, I am not I'm a lovely boy He's a Australian lovely boy could be from Liverpool. Oh I'm not sure I couldn't make the accent out. I think you're right. He is he is Yeah, he's just an odd it could be the camera angle sometimes and cameras make you look Worse than you are You know, I think it's interesting that he said I'm not a girl and also I'm not a lesbian

Yeah, it was confusing for me as well because you could just say I'm not a girl period and that would cover Wait a minute, not necessarily You're really thinking like a binary cisgendered white male right now because you could be non-binary and be a lesbian I'm a boy not a girl. Okay. That's established All right, we already got that down that you you are a boy. I'm not lesbian. Well, yeah Of course, but boys can be lesbians now Tom because they transition or they could be non-binary non-binary boy I don't know. You know what I'm saying? I'm a lovely boy

You're just thinking like so 2013 right now, it's just not what it is Yeah, all right. Well, look man. I hope that your non lesbian ass Has a really great life and I hope that I think it's a good. He has nice hair He's got great hair. He put a great message out there And I hope people see this and they reach out to you with whatever you're into not a boy You know what? I liked my favorite is how upset the boys in the booth were seeing that guy. Oh, yeah Like we've had people fist themselves dock with their I know I just saw a head shaking and they were like, oh god No

So upset We got to dip into the vaults here for a second. This is really important. Oh, okay. Listen to this watch this here I don't know if you remember The quite famous former anchor of NBC nightly news Tom Broca Pretty highly respected journalists never heard of a convicted killer Ted Bundy won a 24-hour stay One man. He was so hot. So Tom Broca The voice of NBC news for almost three decades Well, he sure says it pretty clearly one. One. Yeah, one

Convicted killer Ted Bundy won a 24-hour stay. Okay, so then I have to go Well, who do I take? my pronunciation lessons from Nadav or Tom Broca, right case closed So Look, maybe that's how they talked in the 70s the 50s the sale or whatever this clip is from, you know 60s Look, man, this isn't that's not how you say it. Oh, okay

you put a folder a Video file of you in here, huh? There's a video of you This is you There's me. It says that Nadav Me is doing music Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm thunderblitz. I'm not your average ordinary rapper. Hell nah I I made this song Thunder Strike because that's gonna be my first song. Yeah first song brother No

No, I am not like 20 something years old. I'm 17. That's right. I'm just a 17 year old rapper So I'm one of the youngest rappers to ever be confirmed Good job, man. That was you cool. I know for a fact. That's not what the folder was called Or the clip I appreciate Yeah, dude, you could smoke this Thunder Strike is as exclusively for me. That's right. They call it Thunder Blitz because you know it was and why do gangs fight? All the time. Why do y'all just shoot each other in the freaking head? Why not just got a lot for once come on now?

Yeah 2021 it's time to get along if you don't get along them and something bad's about to happen Yeah, that's tight. That was a nice positive message for 2021. I appreciate it that I know for a fact File You look genuinely stunned when you said it too. Yeah, I was like what I Thought I was about to get side-blinded and I was correct blindsided Side-blinded. Yeah, no, you're right blindsided. Yeah Talking stupid

Yeah But you did you there is an interesting name for the folder that you guys did come up with yeah, yeah Well, I'd like to say that most of the naming rights have been going to Zola. Okay, good What is it? It says our warded rapper Love the safe space we live in don't you know, it's so nice to be here Well, look, it's we should get right to it. You're aficionado of Hip-hop and raps. Yeah, how good is his flow? Oh, this guy's I mean, he's got it He's got it working on the wraps. It reminds me of my flow. Yeah. Yeah

Yeah, like he's like a Kendrick slash most f kind of vibe. Yeah, it's cool. Yeah, really good Good really good. It is February. Yep, February black history month That's right, and it makes you think how can a show as ridiculous as ours a comedy show With insane clips and absurd conversations. How can you honor? Black history month in an appropriate way. I don't know but I do know that We've had amazing Black people clips on the show and we thought it'd be fun to revisit

some of the best Hall of Fame clips on the show involving black history and involving black people for black history months And we're calling this segment the best of the blacks. All right, so I'll try to I'll try to tell you What I remember about each clip. Yeah, I'm excited but let's let's not first let's stress the importance and the value of these black people on our show, okay, and They have brought so much joy and so much love. Yeah Look, some of these if you've been listening for a long time, you're gonna be like, oh my like you're gonna remember

Hearing some of these are gonna be from the audio only days. Yes, that's right. Some of them are that old So we went through we we you know figured out which ones are like. Yes. Oh my god. They're such great Contributors. Yes, of course. Well the clips, you know, we've played clips from all over the world and all types of people and every race and religion, but trying to focus exclusively here on Clips I can't wait. I cannot wait. They've just Right here is one of the very first clip. This is an audio only clip Before our video days, but now you'll see the video and the way I got this clip The reason this came to my attention was I wrote on a pilot for Comedy Central

That was starring Jonah Ray. Oh my god Jonah Ray and Kumail Nanjiani and I were writers with a couple other people and His Jonah's show was about like video games. So it was all video game centered and this clip We saw it in a production meeting I laughed so fucking hard and we shot a pilot that they didn't pick up But I was like, give me that clip. I need that for my podcast and that was like the start of Stuff like this because I love this guy. It's the NBA 2k dad Yeah There's a there's like an entire I think I we probably played there

I got so obsessed with this clip that I was playing it every episode for like a month And then breaking down the audio because this guy, I mean this is like a performance, you know And he's so passionate and you know that he means every word Oh, yeah, so in the moment and he's playing with his son and I believe nephew and he is just going to town Who hasn't seen their dad get super fired up over? I know my dad Fired up over games when he had watched it. Yeah. Oh, there's a reason our two-year-old says God fucking Yes, our two-year-old son will go God fucking damn it God fucking damn it Because he's seen me be like God fucking damn it

He does say it now. Yeah, he'll do it as a joke until you laugh But but more more than just a black eye clip. This is a dad clip, I would say Which is why I would say it's a black but it's a black dad. Yeah, it's a black dad's there's white American Yeah, and he's got that like He has that that That cadence and delivery of like a comic. Yeah, you know like he knows like how to Finesse the cursing and the aggression. He like performs it. It's entertaining. It's entertaining to watch him lose Fuck our test

So fired up Chilly round this one get that fucking bullshit out of here get that fucking shit out of here Fucking shit out of here And the best is that it's so aggressive and his kid is just like like, you know, they hear this enough They hear it all the time. Yeah, it sounds crazy, but you know That's the best part. Okay, dad. He goes a little crazy So that clip is 11 years old. No Gosh that that ending really really cinches it, huh? Yeah puts it off

I remember the music in the background goes to do to do set it off like you hear. Oh, yeah Now we're fast-forwarding many years, but of course many of you are familiar with this good memories young African-American man For all y'all beautiful women you feel me this let me eat you one time This let me eat you one time and you're gonna I guarantee you you're gonna you're gonna ask me to stay to your house You go you're gonna sleep for three days my baby. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yep. Okay. Yeah, he's unforgettable Oh, this guy's amazing. Guess what you what I can show you what time it is sure never tell you got a man up above I could cook for you. Okay, clean up your house Listen when you come home, baby, you just gotta jump in jump jump in the tub with all them bubbles

And guess what? What's gonna happen with your hundred percent? Get with that ball. I'm gonna show you I'm gonna make you cry So many good sayings. Yes, I'm gonna make you cry for three days and then the finale is the ay-ay-ay Just got so many good catchphrases Just so many bangers in that one. Yeah, so many great drops were pulled out of this I'm gonna play with your booty. Yeah, and your kitty cat. Well, I'm gonna put my hand in it He's gonna smell it The catchphrase Who you gonna vote? Well, it's interesting. He does it with a glove, too

Is that to actually preserve the smells more so that they're on the fabric? I wondered if that was a deliberate creative choice or just in the moment sure feels like it. Yeah Perhaps Maybe my favorite one of my favorites wait a minute one of my favorites ever. Okay. Is it my favorite? It's up there It's definitely up there. Hello. This is captain myself. My sister went down. I'm going down into the mountain They say my sister said everybody I be back. I need a backup. I see you later. Bye I gotta go to say my sister. Bye. This is captain Marcel. Bye. Bye. So She had to go save her sister. Yeah, I know everybody may name me. I'm in trouble. I'm going down my ship going down

Help me. Anybody help me. Help me. Help me. My shit went down. I tell my family. I love you all see you later Bye. Bye. Oh, and then she died. Oh my god, you know was great about that captain Marcel It was like drama it built up and then she died at the end. Was there beginning middle and end? Yeah That was really good. That was a good one. I love captain Marcel. Yeah This one was also a Banger on this show and it stayed in the lexicon for I would say like half a year. Okay, okay? Half a year. This was a massive clip for us Pussy

She was in a Wells Fargo. She was in a Wells Fargo There's people in line and like you can just put it together. She's just like I mean, she's definitely not stable But she was like What are you talking about? I have a million dollars. She goes kiss my pussy kiss it. Yeah Yeah, that was the best part the reiteration of the wish kiss it. Oh, it was most importantly that she's like I got a million dollars. Yeah, and then she's like B of a you Bank of America you Chinese motherfuckers You never hear someone say kiss my pussy. No, that's why this clip really stood out because it was a unique phrase We'd never heard kiss my pussy kiss my pussy was huge

America Who hasn't been this angry at the bank though, like, you know, yeah, I mean any customer service line But the banks terrible. It's infuriating especially pre-pandy when you'd stand in line for hours so unique because it's like You know you go to a bank like this and you can feel like is it am I oh is am I allowed to be here and they have your money? I know it's like it's your money and you're like is everything okay, and they tell you now you owe this these are your fees I know you're so powerless. Thank you for letting me give my money here I know it's so powerless just like being on an airplane. I think that's why people freak out on airplanes

You're not in control of much in that environment Understand her frustration Now this I know is this the one yes, is it the one yes, this is your favorite This came to us. I Forget how we landed on it, but the title was amazing Everything about this clip is amazing. This was a staple of the show if you've been listening for the entire duration This is going to you might need a tissue to wipe some tears away because this is that beautiful of a clip It's really gonna

Oh Right that horse Oh Can I just go over what I love about this please do say the title first of all the time So and this is this is why I want to show it to you first now that you've seen the clip The title of the of the video when we found it was homeless man fucked by a gay ghost, which is like What could this be about? I mean, but it's also perfect. It's exactly. It's a guy Getting fucked by a gay ghost. I mean, it's it's perfect titling and

He's in broad if you're listening broad daylight. I mean it is high noon The Sun's out. It's a beautiful day. Yeah, but he's in an alley He's in an alley his pants are around his ankle and and he is either to his chest He's got his pulling him back and he's just Just yelling it and he's and he's having the scene. It's like building he's that's well Here's what I love about it. Hey, it's the mentally. It's like always makes me laugh. Oh good crazy guy is like Be the passion the passion of this imaginary encounter. Yeah, your real sex isn't as good as his No way

He's like, oh God, I mean he's really it's like Like I said, it's like Billy's like, ah, that feels good. He's really into it. I wish I had yeah It makes you wonder like is what is he on is he on drugs? Is he just psychotically hallucinating like who is fucking him this well and can I have his number? Well, it's obviously a great memory. I mean, he's not like just making this up. That's happened before. Oh, yeah Oh, you think it's a yeah, it's a memory. Definitely. Yeah, I mean he keeps talking about how good it is to fuck his asshole It's not like he's like, I bet it feels good. He knows You're right that you know what Tom? Hmm. That's an interesting point. Yeah. Well, here's a reason. They call me

This is my favorite, I would argue that one of my absolute favorite YMH clips is homeless guy gets fucked by gay Absolutely, I also love that he's spreading his cheeks apart as if to let the ghost in more So we go the person laughing who's recording it. I mean that guy should get an award. Yeah, this is this is what the pillow surprises really So we go back in the past and now we come to the present time. Oh, okay another Great great clip that we played on this show Be my dick and being backed up the bitch want to suck my dick Yeah, yes, what am I supposed to do? Right now, I will not cheer me to breathe

You already cheated we're supposed to wait till we get married to do what we do when you get my brain But you walk the work and you like a bitch is you like suck your dick. Yeah, they're easy You do all that digging You only get on pussy you won't keep running the house parking the car. I don't see where the fuck you at Are you serious? So that gives you an excuse to fucking just cheat on me. I ain't cheat a dick suck ain't cheating That's what's up to a dick suck ain't cheating and the good thing is it reminded all of us of that like a lot of us forgot well The neat the neat part to between Cherie and this is named J. J. R. J. R. Something that they live streamed this like well

She did she was streaming. I think he was like you could turn that off. Yeah I love people's like the smiley faces emojis the skulls emojis people getting to participate in their fight in real time Was really nice to So what is the dick suck to dick suck fucking the bitch is not fucking there and lay in the side Okay, it is different. Well, I agree you agree with him. I do all the All the cool girls in your past. Yeah, they're not you don't lay with them after and like them. No, they're just hose Wow You throw like a I don't know like a half-wrapped

Fucking jolly rancher. Hey dinner for you. Oh my god Are we going to address that your hair transplant is so so here's what happened I had a hair transplant operation and I debuted my hair last week and then I realized long hair doesn't define me and So this is the hair transplant hair. I just took it down and I realized I'm I'm happy and I'm myself with short hair Yeah, okay So it feels silly that I spent 42 grand

But I learned something about myself. You prefer short hair. Yep. I mean, I kind of missed the long hair Maybe I'll grow it out. That's the thing is now I have the option. There's a freedom You can style it. I hope you like take shower. You tie it down. Guess what just grows back grows back. No problem Well, I'm gonna miss that long-haired fella. Yeah Yeah Okay, more more more more. Okay. There's some debate here and I don't know I can't believe that there's actually a debate So this is one of the all-time classic clips and I learned when I came in today that there is a debate as to whether

This person's race is what? What I think it is I think this is a You know black guy or mixed guy You know Half black whatever I got a lot of pushback when I got in Yeah, you're the only one you've had any kind of erectile

Disorder problems. I'm here to tell you forget that bag or forget about salads forget that dick and plants and all that stuff Okay, so I don't know if you believe me or not But if you like to see me smoke cement with a small limp dick I would and get harder in the way and watch a harder and harder I'd like to watch that harder my dick gets it's unbelievable Now we're saying that that I had no idea there was any debate other ways or as to whether or not this man was Either light-skinned black or just mixed I think he might be biracial. I'm not sure what what it is

However, I have a friend that looks like this guy who's latin Half latin half white and you're saying that he's what I don't know. I can't guess 100 white trailer trash Maybe some j in there, but like no, I don't think I don't think there's any b in there I trust your eyes as much as I trust your google searches So what about which is that they're better than you think? No Stupid what is what does anything? Yeah any it's your month Uh I think uh, I'm with tom. I think he's uh, I think he's I think he's mixed. Yeah, I don't think he's full

black, but um I mean, he's got to have something look at look at his nose is is the thing like his no He's got that black slash filipino Nose. Yeah, that's why this guy's not like I don't have that nose, you know Yeah Jays, I I think he's latino and white. I'm gonna go like You're gay you won't believe how good it feels if you're straight you won't believe how much though I want him to be black. Your dick head becomes so sensitive. Yeah that you don't need lube. You don't need spik

What do you just stroke that dick head this up and down four times? It's this whole family do barely do it and you'll shoot an enormous amount of very thick Thick hot white come. God. Wow more come than I've ever did in my life. Oh, I know I'm gay. I love to get blowjobs and I'll tell you what I cannot wait when I'm so fucked up and hot and horny on myth I let anybody suck and get me a blowjob. That's pretty cool That is a cool thing I I just think

Guys, I don't know. I think the lighting and the the angle. It's really hard to see what his face genuinely looks like That's true. That's true. It could be just like the angle and the light. Mm-hmm. My brother didn't believe me When he smoked with me he put at his dick. I can't believe how big his dick was. He jacked off Strokes and shot the most come he could ever shot in his life. What a story He's fine. He has no neuropathy problems at all. Yeah, but his dick gets even harder and thicker and even more come He believes me now. I bet he does but see here's the deal man. How many black guys talk like that I feel like he is just white trash. I think you're right in it off I think so too. Well, why when my thick hot black come you don't believe me?

Actually, do you know where you You'll meet a lot of black guys that talk like that the south. Yeah But it still sounds like a white guy twang. I don't know but that happens there. I live there Yeah, I know. I worked with black guys who were like, hey, Tom Hey, man, you want to help us unload these boxes? Like that's how they talked thick hot black come. Yeah Hey now. Hey guys, get ahold of this here. Now Tom here thinks that's a black guy. I guess. I don't know hickory north carolina What about his facial hair? It doesn't look like black eye facial hair facial hair. He's got facial hair. It's short It's really short. So you can't really tell the like the properties. Well, I wish we could just get him to tell us what his racial

Do you know how hard we tried to fucking find this guy? I tried to get him to send me the video of him smoking meth in his dick at no heart and he wouldn't do it Yeah, wait a minute. We want to see the video of him jacking off. There's no way he's alive There's not a chance he's alive. You know what I love about this clip is how many times he reiterates the offer So if you want to see my dick go from just a limp dick, he's like, I'm not gonna force you to watch it If you want to see it hit my ass

Your dick will get hard. So if you want to see me go from a limp dick to a hard dick Again, he would reiterate. I will do it this weekend and I'll be able to tape it From this is a small dick. You get it very limp. Very limp. Watch it get harder and harder That's a proven factor. Right. Let me know that bother me a bit if you say yes, I'll show it to you. Okay Just to reiterate it starts off limp and then it gets really hard now. Wait You'll smoke some meth and then I can watch you get hard Man, that's a really nice offer Thanks for the offer. Yeah

um more More Um, oh here we go This is another one. There's nothing Harder to be in a female Our pussies itch 24 seven. They stink. They have these huge words that grow on them Daily 24 seven we're scratching we're itching and our pussies fucking stink like they smell like fish

Honestly, it's hard being a female. That's why men need to learn to respect us because we go through a hell of a lot of stuff Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. This is peaches, right? Is that her name? That's peaches. Yeah He want to eat my pussy. I say you gonna catch AIDS. He said I don't care. We don't go die anyway It sounds like it could be a prince song. Yep. That was a good good song another Classic clip. This is again one of my favorites. It's also pretty wholesome. I think yeah Good rising Hi, babe on this great Saturday. Love this guy. I've been looking at your picture so long, babe And they mac and they magnify my eyes, babe

Yeah, what happens? I turn it to a telescope when I see your page. I love it You feel so good to me, babe. He's sweet. That would not meet you and you talk to me I want you to melt me like hot chocolate candy dude And not with hot bro, but we're cool I love you, babe You've melt me every day. Oh He's sweet. Yeah, it's wholesome, but I wonder here's what I wonder was that a post where it's like come and get it whoever

Whoever whoever's watching responding this or did he send it to someone? I'd like to think that it's for his special lady Yeah, I turn into a telescope is like Yeah, it's such a good line. It's a great line. You can't just make that one for a hottie Hey girl I love it. I see you. I wish you'd make me some romantic videos like that. I'll do that for you. Yeah Who could ever forget this? Classic black clip from your mom's house while we out here boy on the future highway boy I swat you lord boy this baby anybody to look at look a full baby now

It's a baby out here in the middle of the road, bro Oh, I never seen no shit like this, bro He on the future highway, bro. It's a baby out here, bro on everything in the middle of the road A baby, bro in the middle of the fucking road. No pants on those shoes on bro in the middle of the highway, bro That dude, uh putting the sweatshirt on him. It's has kids or is around kids. Yeah, you know, yeah You know, it's a baby's cold. Baby doesn't have any clothes on. It was really sweet of these guys to even We done called one time, bro The baby in the middle of the future highway

No, no nothing on it. Her parents still ain't showed up. Yeah I love this guy. His report is fantastic Uh, the future highway is the Fitzgerald highway. All right, right And he is right though and the here's the craziest part You're seeing a baby on the highway You're seeing these dudes Take care and talk about it. And then at the end the mom comes down and she's like, oh, there he is That part is crazy. She just walks up and she's like that part is so fucking look if this happened to us even in a road

Oh my god. It was in a row, man. We've been at about 30 minutes 30 minutes I'll be out of my mind. Where is she? Oh, is that my kid? Look how chill Oh, that's the baby. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, man What are you doing out here? That's it. See you later. Thanks guys. Straight to you. That's it. Don't care. I mean, I would be People are more more like I've been more worked up getting our dog back. No, I know Like, ah, there she is and she's like that's my kid and like And also on the highway, why don't you invite those guys in and be like, thank you so much

Give you something to eat or do you want like can I like thank you like I mean or how about like what happened? Yeah, how did my kid yeah, how did you how did this happen? This is horrible. Why do you have a whole white baby on your hands? Yeah, I know it's so great. The weather obviously is checked out here a little bit What are you even doing? Yeah, what are you even fucking doing out there? Yeah, exactly Yeah He was doing his commentary as the wife. Yeah, it's the best. Oh look

Yeah, that's so sad Um Another amazing this is actually I think via you because I think this came from a talk Oh, that's exciting But it's one of the ones that really really impacted the trajectory Of this show and also the safety of the people that work here This public announcement goes out to all you bitch ass niggas that mother fuck claim that i'm a false blood Bitch call me out and see if i'm a wild fucking false blood. You niggas don't work. No wreck

Sue woo bitch ass niggas. All right. Yeah, it was a great clip. We learned about sue woo We learned we had a whole debate about whether it was You big words don't want no wreck rep. Everybody had different theories, you know Was it wreck or rep that was the big debate you niggas don't work. No wreck Don't want no rent There you go, and then he opens up and he goes this baba ghanoush goes out to that's my favorite part the baba ghanoush goes out to Any what was he saying any Final answer. I mean, I think uh consensus is you niggas don't want no wreck wreck right no wreck. Yeah, I'm gonna fuck you up

Yeah, yeah, I mean it happens. You know Fuck around. I mean call him out. See what happens. Absolutely not I believe I believe that you're a real blood 100% 100% and I don't want no wreck or rep for any problems sir sue woo now I believe la pd told us we're not allowed to say it. It was actually the los angeles police department's gang unit sue woo That advised me

Um in a very friendly way to not sell sue woo gear Probably smart decision. It was I landed in Des Moines. I think it was Des Moines and uh, yeah I had a message on my phone Damn, somebody said he was like a You know listener and and then I called back and it was la pd. Damn and they're like he was like I listened to the podcast He was like just so you know um

There's there's some guys that won't won't laugh at this one. Yeah Yeah Yeah, I can see that and also the shirts were I made shirts. Yeah, we made them and that was not a smart idea I had to call our merchandise people. I was like, hey, just uh cancel all those orders And then we had the Asian lady named sue woo and uh people were fine with that. That was a good one. Yeah. Yeah, that was a great save Whoops Sometimes we get fired sometimes we have to fire ourselves. Yep. That was a not a good one. Um, Let's see potato potato another

Oh probably the greatest black guy clip of all time on the show Black guys who love to fuck Look, you know, I mean if you're a hot black guy, you want to fuck me at 23 95 If you want to move in you can move in but you got to fuck me I need I need to be fucked a lot man. Get rid free food free rent and everything else man. Here's a deal man God who can forget this offer? And the best part was all the videos we got

Parodying this, you know, I especially like the women that did these there were some really good lady ones Did you guys find by the way? I sent you guys a clip of the female rpc Did you see that? It got taken down it got taken down. Oh shit wonder why? Um So we didn't get to rip it in time. Okay. Yeah, damn That's too bad Fuck that one was so good There's a lady out there who looked

Not good And she put out like a very similar message. Oh Yeah Oh, he has it. Oh, that's cool. Possibly Oh, it's so great. There she is the first one. Yeah, this is on mr. Clavicles page Hey, this is brook. If you're a hot black man, you change it over the age of 35 In the new york state area Buffalo Rochester circuit, please like me and follow me And I'll follow you right back

I brought you my mr. Clavicle. There you go. She's so mr. Clavicle is always on top of it. He was able to snag it Yeah, I got sent that clip and I got tagged in it like a hundred times You know, she really even nails like the angles The offer is pretty close. It's very it's a tantalizing offer. I don't know how you feel anyway But if you follow her she'll follow you right back. Oh, wow But you're not in the new york area. So I guess you're bummed out right now That was amazing and she almost gave out like her dates the way that rpc was Yeah, who know? I mean, I wish we all had like the story and the origin

Of the clip, but she's I mean, it's the same type of message. Yeah You know, I think I saw you and burt talking about mr. Clavicles on two bears And burt was like that guy scares me his thing. He's like logo. Yeah, me too. He changed it. Mr. Clavicles I've always been like that guy's He changed it. I know he just saw that Happy and Yeah, because uh, but the first one was so ominous

Yeah, me too. Mr. Clavicles. Like what's he gonna do to us? Oh dear I love him um Back to rpc Men from jail homeless or um your thug want to come Move in a friend can move to man free rent to get a lease on a key. Fuck me piss on you beat me I'm home now. You see me when I come over today and try it out. Try it out, man Yeah, and then

Sorry, no, we're done with him if in my building try it out. You want to fuck a piss on me try it out So you have to apply it only just fuck man. I'm looking for hardcore guys and mean it and want to do it And I want to deliver it. I'm a hot fuck white trash come down. Let's fuck hey This there you go. This has to be one of the most unifying clips in all of ymh iconic history Remember the day that we figured out it was home here now And well, then there was still a debate. There's still people who say that it isn't oh those people are flat earthers in my world But I mean there was so much joy the day that we found him spoke to him got clarification

Yeah, it was one of the great moments in human history. I'd say human history. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so cool So nadov is typing now. He debuted on episode 4 20. That's over two years ago And that's how long rpc has been in our lives Yeah, and brought so much joy to so many and I also Brought my old soundboard with me See if I can oh my god, please. Let's I never had a job before in my life until I started working for sure You know in and out of jail. You know what I'm saying did a little bit everything. You know what I'm saying now I'm

That's the best, you know, I'm saying that's the best year. I'm saying we used to have so many, you know, I'm saying counts But this guy actually goes now You know I'm saying That's the best, you know, I'm saying Because because he didn't say he didn't say anything. I don't want you know, he said man You know, I'm saying uh remember when I called the black barbershop. Yeah This is a good one What's up, what's happening?

Excuse me. I said, what's happening? Who's this? It's teddy loom Who teddy loom Who are you looking for? I left my wallet there Excuse me. I left a wallet there You left a what a wallet A wallet. Yeah swayed wallet Did somebody leave a wallet up here?

It said get some on the side Who did your hair? Uh kind of a short big girl You left a wallet. When did you leave the wallet? I think it was yesterday. It says get some it's a swayed wallet Hold on I'm just trying to find my wallet right now Yeah There you go, you hear him if you lost it yesterday where you coming today

They're starting to put it together there fraud. Well, do you know the person who did your hair? Because I don't know who who you who did your hair so I can't ask them. I'm asking don't nobody know Ain't nobody knows kind of a shorter fat one there Excuse me kind of a short fat one You are you calling the right shop? I think so. Ain't nobody fat there Excuse me. Ain't nobody fat there I called her back May help you. Yeah, I think we lost a connection

We didn't lose a connection. I hung up because I don't know who did your hair And I'm I I wasn't here yesterday So I can't tell you you can come back up here and see who did your hair and you can ask them because I don't know I don't feel wallet. Okay. I mean, I didn't want you to be so hostile. You know what I'm saying I'm just want I just want to highlight you for a second You don't what you want to highlight me for you got a pretty voice Excuse me. You got a pretty voice I got a pretty voice. Yeah

Man Come on Are you gonna have to come up here? Can I take you out? You can't take me out There you go All right, man. That was the best part man You go just kind of a short short fat one short fat All the soundboard sound where how much how many great things I've got time for that. Oh my life

No Tom or black tom or black that was great. Yeah, that was a big game for us Did you play tom or black any No, I was definitely not around. Mm-hmm. Do you know the game is I I could take a guess But I've never done I've never seen it now You want to play? Yeah, why not? All right All right

It's time for tom or black All right, so We still play this with our black guests. Yes, right back in the day and just so you know any Uh, it's been a challenging game. We had sydney castillo play back in the day. He went 0 for 10 So Tom is a very impressive he does a very good black voice. Yeah, no, I mean that I do know Yeah, but you also definitely hang out with too many black people You know these niggas way too well

It's weird the the terminology that you say and you bring out when you bring this voice out. Um, yeah so Uh But the thing is you also know my voice very well. You've heard it hundreds of hours of it. So I think you could probably go 10 No, so I will Uh Play a clip for you and then you just tell me if it's me

Or a black guy That's it Ready? All right. I'm ready. Okay. It's going on here That's a black guy. It's a black guy. Yeah, you write it down. Oh sure. Yeah Okay, hold on number one you say black guy Yeah Okay

Oh, come on. I know that one. We'll skip that one. I know that one. Okay. Well, we're skipping. We're striking it That hmm, you hear it again sure one more time As you that's me. Yeah, okay He says Tom All right ready That's for sure you that's me. That's a hundred percent of you. All right, it's me again Had to be someone else I think that's a black dude. Okay Yeah, yeah, it's a black dude

I got all these wrong, huh? No, I'm just fucking out left and right You want to talk some shit? One more time you want to talk some shit There's gotta be a black dude, uh, actually, I mean It was wild. I don't even sound you want to talk some shit. Oh, never mind. That's a black dude. That's a black dude Gotta be man. I feel stupid right now. Why do you feel stupid because I feel like I gotta be wrong on all these Okay, you're you're too happy right now. That means I'm wrong Oh, oh, okay

One more time Damn That's you All right, it's it's a black dude. It's someone else. I changed my mind. Okay two more I See you Didn't take any mess what was that didn't take any mess Didn't take any mess didn't take any mess

I don't know who that is. It ain't you though Me or a black guy. It's gotta be a black guy. I guess I can't be you, right? What are we on? That's the last one. That was number 10. Oh, shit. Yeah. Okay. How'd I do? Okay? Do you want to know how you did? Yeah Well, you almost won unanimously Which one was I wrong? Number eight. I thought it was oh number eight. You're right. Number eight. Number eight. I'm here. Number eight Cry he can't do. You said that was a black guy. Uh, However, his first answer was tom and then you second guessed yourself. So that's right initially you were correct in it And also I I tom struggled

Coming up on the top top. No, this one That That's me. That's you. Yeah, he got that right and he got that right. He got a bunch, right? So he got this right on him. That is not me That's the first one. You said black. Yeah, we skip. Oh, we skipped the the laugh that he knew That's me. He said tom you got that. Hey, yo, that's me. That one's the classic black voice of yours. Yeah That's a black porn star He just came

That guy's I love him. Yeah Hey, yo, you're out to say don't touch my man. That's a black guy. You got it, right? Got that, right? Then you want to talk some shit? You thought about this one a lot. Yeah, and it is a black guy Well walk us through your process. Who is that? So that is from Brent Winebox sketch, um, the gangster party line That's the gangster party line sketch. Oh, yeah, I see. Yeah. You want to talk some shit? Yeah, call me. Yep So you got that right you said black for that then this is the one you got wrong

And then you got this right And then this right here this last one didn't take any mess I always drop that in there because it's tony gwin The baseball player and he talked like this So I would throw it in there to kind of sigh like I try to throw people off You know didn't take any mess because the people were like, wait a minute What I'm gonna be like, who is it like I can't even believe you just did that voice You just we just

Became a completely different person just by saying that one thing that you just did didn't take any mess. Yeah How do you like you you know the Argument that people have for why it was a poo in Simpsons. They're like not even the people Like that talk like that. Yeah, you talk like black people like black people don't even talk like black people That's that's what I'm saying Let me tell you right now It's a true honor Wait, he said that you talk so much like a black person like you talk blacker than a black person. Is that what you're saying?

Basically, yeah, like like you talk You talk blacker than a black person regularly talks, you know Like we we have to bring out our blackness when we do the black voice that you do And you're just a me. They're just I So this right here That I remember I was at I was at the University of Miami Uh on the field and the guys were walking out of the tunnel and this guy stood like above me That and he was yelling to players that were about to run out of the tunnel and I was like, oh my god

Like he was I was like 17. He was like, hey, yeah, like that like and I was like, oh fuck I was like, I can't play here Pretty wild. Yeah That is like, yeah, it's basically this Yeah, yeah, there it is Yeah, well, there's the classic game. That's that's a good game. You are uh, you went in nine and one You scored really well on this one. Oh, yeah. So there's only I think miss pat went nine and one also and she was so pissed that she got one wrong. Yes

Yeah, do you remember which one she got? I don't remember. I don't remember But she probably does but give her You know, let's call this pat. She's like, I'm still fired up about it. And then every time I say she's like, you're still doing your black shit Oh She's so funny. Yeah, yeah Yeah, that's so funny That's the greatest, you know, that was so great. Yeah So many man, there's so many I'm saying well the other great, you know, I'm saying, you know, I'm saying, you know

I'm saying, yeah, you know, I'm saying that's kenyon martin. Uh, it's a super cut of his, you know, I'm saying, you know, I'm saying Oh sharkisha. No That's a big time classic. That was a good one too. What was the the whatever she was getting in a fight for us There's some song we used to play sharkish and yeah, they made a song. They made a song I don't know if it was ghost crew that did it. It was it was a sharkisha. No song. Yeah So many good memories on that soundboard gene. I know this was the this was the redondo era for us The sharkisha and do you remember the black dude that dressed up as donald trump and would do videos? Yeah, that guy was great We're gonna keep the motherfuckers out. He was he wore

Goldwig blue suit red tie We'd run into industry now And did like speeches like he was trump and we're gonna keep the motherfuckers out was what he said about the wall Little trump. Yeah, little trump. He's like, we're building the wall. We're gonna keep the motherfuckers out He would just do a trump speech. We're gonna keep the motherfuckers out We take it over. We run into industry now. Some of y'all is nasty as hell. I don't know where that one is Okay, um, I'm going through here just trying to like See if I can find any other

amazing old-school drops Let's see. What about is the one there that's um Do you have a good motherfucking night? You have a good motherfucking night. That's the one that's like have a good night He's like, no, you have a good motherfucking night. It reminds me. It's my mother. Yeah, right now. I don't know what you're saying I don't know what you mean. That was a good one the judge mathist, you know what I'm saying. Yeah Right now. I don't know what you're saying That one was great. Don't know what you mean It's cold outside. I came up here to get my car. Carla. I'm coming with me. I got a problem

This is burger king, man. Whatever the fuck this is. Wendy, burger king, whatever you want to call it. Every time I come in, anyone in these stores will be here. You bitch, accept them and down. You bitch, you got a problem. I'm sorry ma'am. You can go in and step out. I'm not ma'am. My name is Carla. Okay, Ms. Carla. That's ma'am, but you know damn well it's not ma'am. Well, I don't know your name till you just told me. Take a good look. You know my name. It's Carla. Fuck what you heard. Fuck what you heard. There you go. It's Carla. All day. Didn't she say all day at some point? Yeah. Fuck what you heard. Fuck what you heard. Gosh. I know. There's pages. Is the Tourette's girl. Remember that? That was back in the Silver Lake day.

Remember when we made fun of that documentary? Yes. Put some respect on my name. There we go. Bird. Oil, oil, oil on the road. Oil, oil, oil. I mean so many great clips. Duck tape. Duck tape. Duck tape. That was a good one. Yep. Duck tape. Duck tape. Duck tape. Duck tape. Your ass the day. Yeah, that guy was nice. These are all great clips, you guys. There's just nowhere. I mean, I don't even know what else to. Yeah. What's this bullshit? That's Dennis Rodman. That was such a good clip. Drunk out of his mind in North Korea. That's right. What's this bullshit?

He does that at a state dinner that they're throwing for him. And like all the other guys are like, hey man, chill the fuck out. And he was always stammering, wow, wow, wow, watch this shit. Oh yeah. This guy's ripped. Super fucked up on that. Amazing doc, if you want to see that. Is it on Netflix? I don't know. It's somewhere. It's somewhere. Oh yeah. She's a porn star. No. And she's having sex with a guy with a big D. Yeah. And she queefs. And what she said, like, we were talking about professionals, right? And like staying in the she goes, oh yeah, you got my pussy talking to you now from queefing. I mean, that's a brilliant move. What a great impromptu. And we tried to have her on the show and she blocked me. So I reached out and I was like, hit her up. And she was like, nah.

Oh man, that's one of my favorite improv lines. Yeah. Oh, this is another. She's not black, but she's Indian. Remember this? And then, uh, came in. Remember came in. Of course. With a large gentleman. Do you know which drop fucked up my head to the point where it still affects me to this day because of the wrong way, like pronouncing things? Let me tell you that same. I still stand. So we got, we were making fun of this guy on a clip and he said, you got to have and I played it and I played it and I'm joking about it. And then I was out in the world and I was like trying to say it. And I was like, wait a minute.

Is it Stanima or stamina? And I couldn't figure it out. You know, I have to ask, um, Nadab every now and then. If you listen to that enough times, you'll say Stanima. I know this show messes up your grammar because we make, we make fun of everything. Yeah. It really is. What is this? Um, I'm just, I'm quickly going through, it's like dozens of pages here. So I'm just trying to see what we have that is, if any of it's, let me see. Okay. I think we're good. Okay. I'm full up. I gave him the grease. Yeah, that's a good one. I tell him to put some on his finger. Stick it in his ass. And you know, I'm kind of like, fuck yourself. So loosen yourself up

because I know he had never been penetrated before. You know, I mean, people used to get really mad at that clip. They're like, I was having fun listening to your show and then you played a prison rape clip and I was like, I thought it was funny. Oops. Oopsie daisy. Um, I found something I wanted to play for you earlier. But now I already lost it. Damn. Uh, there's too many. There's too many. Oh yeah. I found, uh, I found a clip of one of my exes, um, from the cool girl club. Oh, yeah, you nasty fuck. Oh, yeah, you nasty fuck coming inside me.

Yeah. It's good to know how much we've been together over the years, what we've been through, huh? Yeah. These sound boards are all periods of our lives. Isn't that wild? Watch out for family. That's before we had children. I think we were just living in Redondo. Yeah. And then tiny little back house.

There were so many. This is before, this is like the FIFO era. I remember the, remember half ounce? Of course. Half ounce. Hey, I'm talking about, you feel me at me? Yeah, you feel me. I'm talking about, he would say. God bless him, nigga.

Oh, we're not going to say that. You want to talk some shit? What? God blesses the n-word. What's him saying? I don't like that one. What? Yeah, I know, but I never liked the logic in that.

That God blesses him? Well, God wouldn't call. Well, God didn't call him anything. He's saying God blesses, you know. No, I understand. I just don't think it's right to say God and then we're in the same time. Okay, okay. Now, now we've got boundaries. Yeah. I just didn't feel right. Okay.

Put your dick between your legs. That was a good one. And she would suck the guy's dick. She was on our show, by the way. She was on the show. She did a phone in, right? Yeah. Yeah.

That was amazing. What was her name? Angel. It was a long time ago. Yeah. She had Angel's Blowjob Secrets. That's right. It was on YouTube.

This was another clip, an audio drop that was amazing from that era. You, you make my pussy drop. That was a good one. You make my pussy dry. Which, by the way, you can still say to this day to anybody. You make my pussy dry. It didn't greasy. Do that one.

You see it? Yeah, it's in the middle of the page. Oh, it didn't greasy. Yeah. You can't do that one anymore? You can do that. It didn't greasy. That was the best.

That was Chuck Woolery doing a commercial read for what was it called again? 01:33:43,400 --> 01:33:44,440 Australian Dream. Yeah. Yeah. And he goes, and burn. It didn't greasy. Like, how is this guy professional?

Oh, remember this call? This was a guy. Oh, this is amazing. This guy is real aggressive. Somebody had been pranking him and recorded him like many times and then called him with his voice. Oh, my God. That's brilliant. And, and yet, like yells.

Like he gets so mad and he's talking to himself. I love it. Hello? Hello? That's him. Who's speaking? Who's speaking? You got a problem with pumpkin song, bitch.

Ha ha. Oh, here we go with that shit again. Who was this man? What's your fucking name? Give me address. I'm gonna put a bullet in your bitch head. Meet me some other fucking way, bitch. That sound like me.

You got a problem with pumpkin song, bitch. All you got to do is give me address motherfucker. What the fuck you talking about? All that yack on the phone don't mean shit. All that yack on the phone don't mean shit. It's your clip and your job and you come get some. You want to address motherfucker? Give me one.

You meet me somewhere. Give me a address and I'm gonna put a bullet in your bitch head. Hey, what, you know what? We can do this. Give me a fucking address. All right, next to my pizza zone, boy. With a bag full of bulletin and some clips. Now, how the fuck do you want to do this shit?

You fucking shit on the phone. Meet me somewhere. And I'm in the- No, you meet me somewhere. Never fucking I'll fuck your ass. Bitch ass, nigga. You keep calling my crowd and they're calling shit. I will fuck you.

You're right. I'll fuck your- Meet me somewhere. I'm fucking where? It'll find the hole. I will smoke. I will meet me somewhere. I got your hole right here, dick sucker.

Shit, you fucking ass. Bitch ass, nigga. Meet me somewhere, fucking where? You calling my crowd and they're calling shit. Meet me somewhere. I ain't never fucking- Give me two minutes. I'm gonna put this clip in this motherfucker.

It goes on and on. It's so long. And he yells at himself. You don't think- Yeah, I don't know. Oh my god. One of the best ones ever, I just realized. This was an all-time clip.

Remember this? P.O.P. Of course, that was huge. Huge. Mama, I love you. P.O.P. squad, baby. P.O.P. squad, baby, for life. P.O.P. squad.

P.O.P. squad, when she's getting arrested. Yes. Yeah. I wonder if she's out by now. Yeah, I bet she's out by now. I hope so. Yeah. But then she got-

I'm legally blind, remember? Yeah. Good dough. I couldn't have been- I'm legally blind. Yeah. Girl, good dough? No, that's the actress.

Something good dough was her name this one. Oh, you're right. It was like a French-sounding kind of name, I guess. What in the fuck are we doing here? I love that one. Here's what's it called? Rick Ross? Shout out to all the pair.

The pair. That's when he was losing weight, I remember. And he was like bragging about his diet and he's like, shut up. I eat pear now. Shout out to all the pair. Is this- Shut up, Tom.

This is- That's Big Daddy Kane. Yeah. So this is a- I did a special in 2013. It came out in 2014. I have a bit about Big Daddy Kane. And then one day, I just opened-

Like, I walk out to my car. We're in the South Bay. And this voicemail just pops. Like, it's just there. You know when you have like, oh, the voicemail's there, but the phone didn't ring? Shut up, Tom. This is Big Daddy Kane.

I'm over here chilling with Russell, man. We was reaching out to you. I was telling him about the shout out on Twitter the other day. Hope all is well, man. Stay blessed, peace. I remember when you got this. And then I went over to Russell's house. That was so exciting.

And you got to hang out with them. Yeah, that was amazing. That was amazing. Any, have you ever heard Obama curse? Oh my gosh, this one was so fun. I remember this one. Uh-uh. Like, seriously?

Like, for real. So what happened was- He was a potty mouth. He had a book that came out when he was a senator still. So he wasn't president yet. And he narrated his book, you know? So in the book, he has a couple stories, and we pulled all the times that he used colorful language and strung them together.

It's pretty great because you're like, this is Obama. Wait, my bitch nigga. Buy your own damn fries. Now, you know that guy ain't shit. Sorry his motherfucker got nothing on me, right? Nothing. They're white folks, and then they're ignorant motherfuckers like you. Did you think that that wasn't him, though?

There's no way that was him. That's him. Yeah, it's him. That's him. That's like a hundred percent. Hundred percent. Hundred percent. It's from the audiobook.

So all we did was- Because you read your- And he was telling stories about growing up Chicago and, you know, different racial stories. And so he's like right there. And the first thing, he's actually- It's a quote, somebody else saying it, but he's reading his own quote of it.

So he just says it, you know? Could I hear it again? Yeah, let's hear it again. Wait, my bitch nigga. Buy your own damn fries. Now, you know that guy ain't shit. Sorry his motherfucker got nothing on me, right? Nothing.

They're white folks and then they're ignorant motherfuckers like you. It's just crazy to hear him say it. Yeah. Right? Like 30% and he still don't believe you. It's him. 01:39:20,520 --> 01:39:20,520

01:39:20,520 --> 01:39:20,520 01:39:20,520 --> 01:39:21,240 It's him. It's from an audiobook. So he wrote this book before he was president. Yeah, you can pull up like put up- 01:39:25,560 --> 01:39:27,240 Pull up Obama's books. It's like his-

It's the one that came out before he was elected. So he probably wouldn't know- It's the audiobook of his own book. Yeah. Which is, I think we should put audio autobiography. Yeah, maybe it's on the Addacity of Hope. Oh yeah, was that it? Yeah, because that came out in 08, right?

That's the year he was elected. But it was recorded obviously before then. There are, what do you say? There are white people. And then there are ignorant motherfuckers like you. Yeah. Yeah. He's the coolest.

He and Michelle. I bet they talk all kinds of shit together. Don't you feel like Michelle and Barack are kind of similar to you and me? Like behind closed doors, they're like fun and stuff. You know? Yeah, sure. They party together. Oh, I gotta switch back, sorry.

They like each other. Yeah. They have two children. They like dogs. They're good people. So there you go. Worthy Obama's. Yeah.

We're career politicians too. It's nice to take that jaunt down memory lane, Gene. That was fun. I enjoyed it. You know what I would like to do one day? What? Is listen to the very first few episodes of your mom's house. Oh, that's not playing now.

Yeah, it still works. Good. Okay. All right. It's working. Did you hear what I just said? You want to watch? I would like to listen or watch if we can those first few episodes of YMH that we did.

Yeah. Just to like see what our lives were like back then and how different we are now. I would love to do like a viewing or whatever. We can do that. Because we, the very first episodes were with red band. First 40. The first 40 and then we started with 41. That'll be fun.

We can do it. And just how stupid we were and how horrible we were. Look at it. You make the case that we're still stupid. 01:41:21,800 --> 01:41:22,280 You know. Oh yeah. Early days I farted into the mic and then you hated it.

And you're like, don't do that. And then you became. And then I farted into the mic and you hated it. My, how the tables have turned. They sure have. One might even say that I've evolved. You have evolved. And I've devolved.

Dude, I have, I will say that I have definitely devolved in the last decade. Like, but I think what it is is a function of just getting older and giving less of a fuck. Right? Don't you feel like you're just like you strip stuff away and you're like, I don't fucking care. I don't care. I just, I like what I like. It's a big part of it. Yeah.

But you've gotten more mature and more dignified in some regards. I think so. Yeah. Yeah. But you're not. No, I've gotten crazier and more piggy. What do you think that is? Like I said, but once you squirt two kids out of your cooch and like, you don't give a shit.

Once you've birthed twice and your vag is blown up and your body's all fucked up. You're just like, I don't care. I don't care. It's nice. Anymore. I sure do. Yeah. You ready?

All right. For what? I hope you bitches was looking for me. God, I love this stuff. I don't know what it is about TikTok, but I can never get sick of it. I never get bored of talks. I just love them. I have so much passion for this platform.

Like I told you, your algorithm, your curations are a real ride. An emotional ride. An emotional roller coaster. Yeah. I don't like it. What? You weren't, but you were entertained the whole time. I was.

I didn't know where it was going. I just know I don't like them. Okay. I just, I liked it. It was fun. This is indicative to me of like the ride that you get on with it, just being on curation. You're just like, oh boy. What is happening?

You do mix it up. I do like to mix things up. I chose that one because it was silly and fun. It was a nice pallet cleanser for what's about to happen. It's a great opening. Yeah. Soft open. My name's Amra.

I'm the leader of the Shishak. A new tribe. A new tribe. A nomadic people. Home to all who have no home. Who wish to be nomads. Be you 1% blood or 100% blood. Because if you search your heart, you know it's true.

All people stem from one people in this land. You am I. I'm Amra Inarena Karris. Long lost son. Descended. Of the children of the wind. The Chichi Mecca. A nomadic people.

Chichi Mecca. We've been all been told to seek our elders. But we have no elders. And to reclaim our wisdom. But how can we reclaim our wisdom? Okay. The Chichi Mecca. You said nomad, fine, just wisdom.

But what do you think his racket is? I'll let me start by saying I like the first guy more. You don't find his tattoos to be interesting. I think those are white tattoos under his eyes. He's like the guy from Weird Science. You know when he's got those weird facial tattoos. Yeah. I don't like him at all.

I think this is how it gets laid. In the name of Odin, Thor, Tia, and the rest of the Norse gods. I present this Molnir to my son. May he follow the path. He's about to fall. The sun looks like he's absolutely shit-faced. Yeah. No, I just think he's a dopey little teenager.

I will say that without intention, it was kind of nice that we had all these like kind of crazy black clips. And then we got to the tox. And it's definitely very disturbed white people. It's a nice balance for the show. Well, that's what we strive for is balanced news. That's what we are.

We're unbiased and we're balanced. Yeah. Okay, let's see. I know that you like that clip because it's just all those Norse gods you like so much and he makes reference to them. Jesus Christ. I don't know if you're wondering.

Hey, it's Saturday night. Cigar night. Yeah, boy. Yeah, cigar night. Saturday night. Stick night, baby. Stick night. Stick night.

Yeah. Saturday night. I got it. Saturday night. Yeah. Yeah. Very cool talk. I have a question for you.

What? Are they nerds or are they are they talked? They're nerds. They're just nerds. You don't think they're mentally challenged? No, no, no. He doesn't drink a lot. He drank.

He drank. He's like, how do you do this again? Yeah. Oh, God. Saturday night. Cigar Saturday night. He's just drinking and drunk. You don't think it's he's diminished capacity all the time?

I don't think so. Okay, because that was just my curiosity with this talk. That's a new lane. He pays rent. Is he drunk or talked? You know? No, yeah. No, he's drunk.

He's drunk. Okay. Drunk it is. The fairy tale for a woman in life is that she gets a house, she gets a car, she gets kids, she has family around, she has a career. And her paychecks from her career go into her personal bank account and you pay for everything else.

As she wants to have a garden, she'll might happily go out there and plant petunias or whatever daisies, but you're going to pay for it. You're going to and you're going to have to go down to Home Depot or whatever and get the fucking mulch or whatever it is for her to plant the fucking garden. She'll probably want you out there on your day off of all days to do it.

You know, or any other little stupid pet project they want you to do around the house. When all you want to do on your day's off is just have a drink, get your dick sucked, watch a little TV and take a fucking nap. Maybe go out to eat and go check out a movie. You know, yes, so simple, our life is fucking boring. The cool guy club.

He seems super cool. Well, this led me down a path of talks where it was wise men giving wise marital advice and just telling you how the world is between men and women. His examples were quite vivid, almost as if that's exactly what happened to him. Some bitch wants a fucking plant a garden. You'll buy the mulch.

God damn it. Yeah, it sounded a little personal for him. Sure did. But why can't husbands just say, I don't want to do your project and just don't do it? You don't have to do it. His thing is that he paid for it. He's mad that he pays money.

The $200. Clearly, his example was she makes money and puts it into her account, but you're going to pay for shit she wants to do. That's a problem. Yeah, I mean, he's got a real problem with it. So you don't think this is great advice for young boys listening, young men?

No, I mean, it's really insight for women into how a lot of guys think though, in a way it is. My stuff is my stuff. Well, it's not that he's like, it's more like, he feels burned by having paid for stuff and he's like, all I want to do on my day off is leave me alone. Well, he wants you to SSD and then watch a movie,

eat a sandwich. I mean, it is pretty standard stuff. Standard issue. But he's pretty upset. I think he got burned. I think he got, yeah, divorced. Yeah. Oh, that's her.

Good evening. This is Brooke and I just woke up to this disgusting text message. I took a nap, I got up, I got a woman's press and somebody sent me a text of a tit picture. I don't do. Okay, that's where it ends, huh? That's where it ends.

This is our, this is our female RPC. I know, I didn't realize that. I didn't realize when she sits up, way prettier than when she was laying down. That lighting makes all the difference, huh? Well, it's interesting that she's complaining about the tit pics when she solicits dirty materials.

So you can't always, you know, beggars can't be choosers. The reason why it's important to make your man jealous is because you have to put him in a sexually competitive state in order for him to remember how valuable you are. When he doesn't see other guys around you trying to bang you, he's not going to realize how attractive you are.

That's the truth. The most beautiful girl I was with, I took her for granted because she tried her best to hide all of the guys trying to hit on her so I don't get jealous. But as soon as I saw somebody who was hitting on her, somebody who was trying to flirt with her, all of a sudden I realized that this woman is unbelievably beautiful.

So what you got to do is show home that there are guys around you trying to have sex with you. You don't have to bang the whole football team. Just insinuate it. Say that you got a new personal trainer and that he's a good trainer and that he's giving you a discount and that his name is Tyrone.

And you'll notice how he all of a sudden will start trying to impress you a lot more often. Peace. Well, well, here's the thing. There is some truth to what he's saying. Yeah. But I don't think this is like healthy advice. I mean.

What? I don't think you should like actually try if you're listening or watching to do what he like. You shouldn't be like, I got to make this guy more jealous. It's not. I'm sorry. It's jealous.

Jealous? Jealous. Jealous. Yeah. I don't think so. I mean, like he's right that there is going to be, you know, competition, but there's also you're going to breed in security.

You're going to make people Well, let me ask you this. We've been married forever. Is it good when I make you a little jealous? When I'm like, oh, I've got a new trainer or, you know, I talked to the dad today at school. That's a cute dad. No, it doesn't faze me.

You're not jealous? No, I'm not jealous. Why don't you get jealous? I'm just not. Oh, God. Well, let's try. I'll try it on you and see. Oh, great.

Later. Okay. Tyrone, my trainer. He's cute though. Here we go. All right. King cockers. I just wanted to show you just a sample of my toy bag.

This is probably about 90% of it. There are some toys that I haven't used yet that are not on the table. Every one of these toys has been used on me. That is a requirement for me to add it to my toy bag. Okay. But here's a little sample.

Like the spatula. My toys. Spatulas, wooden spoons, a tongue scraper. These are not toys necessarily meant for sexual play. Again, this is the same guy we had on. Like, nasty. All the good stuff. We saw it.

All the good stuff. We see it. You don't have to keep making the video. It's there. Incense sticks. The ones to play. Not me. Your toys look dirty.

Who jumps at that, you think? When they're like, The female RPC? Yeah. I'll be over there in a few minutes. I'll be over there soon. Are you black? Because that's kind of what I prefer, Syracuse.

But how dirty do these toys look, by the way? Like, you know he's never washed them. What do you do if you go out on a date? Right? Those are dog chews at the very end. Those are dog ropes. Well, he used them all. He used them all.

He used them all. What do you do if you go on a date? It's a good date. And the guy's like, Do you want to see my toy collection? No. Well, I've been on a date where a guy showed me his toy collection,

but it was children's toys. Yeah. And I was like, I can't date you. You told him? I didn't know. I was just like, This is a deal breaker.

There was too many catchees and shit. But you said cool. You were like, It's pretty cool. Yeah. I had to pretend like I thought it was great that he was 28 and had like a full, you know, like Star Wars toy.

And like this is so unsexual to me. Yeah. And there was like over his bed, over the toilet, everywhere. I mean, it wasn't even just a little. I know grown men now. So do I. That right now in their 30s and even 40s

that have a doll collection. Yeah. It's pretty cool, huh? They're collectibles, Tom. Yeah. How much can you make really on a fucking toy in a box, really? 200 dollars.

You could probably make real money. A thousand dollars. But is it worth your sex life? Because most women are like, No thanks, dude. You're a boy. Yeah. But you could also just find

another fucking nerd and then, you know, you go to like some nerd-a-thon, you know. Those nerd convention. Yeah. Like you go to like the Star Trek thing and you're like, I got all these Star Trek toys and some chicks like, put four fingers in my cut. Do the Vulcan finger blast.

I guess there's some dirty bitch out there that's fine with him putting a dog toy up her. Oh, yeah. Oh, there is. There's definitely. His toys are nasty. Hey, everyone. Happy Friday to you and your family.

Hope all's well with everyone. Thank you so much for the follows. Can't thank you enough. And here's my Venmo. Yeah. I want you to send a little love through Venmo for me being the creator that I am. All right.

I'll post my Venmo. Bye. Whoa. Yeah. This is like when you're like, I don't know if this person's disturbed or not. And then you see this and you're like, oh yeah. You're told, how about some love

for being a great content creator? And he's just like, you mean making TikToks like this? Well, and he's only ever made one other TikTok besides this. And we've played it on the last episode of YMH or two back. Like, he's not a creator. And there are TikTok creators. I would gladly Venmo for the amount of joy they've given us. No, you ain't one.

You're not a creator. You're going to have to step up your game, bro. He just heard about that. He heard like somebody has Venmo in that he's like, oh, I should do that. And he's just asking for money? It's crazy per se. Fucking insane.

But you know what he maybe he's like, hey, girls do it all the time. Hot chicks. Yeah, yeah. But there's a reason they get the money, buddy. They're hot. The money, buddy? Yeah, there's a reason that the hot chick gets the money.

It's because she's hot. Oh, I thought you said that. I thought that was like a website, the money. No, no, no. You J or D and then you get paid on the money. I mean, maybe that sounds like a good business. Yeah, because you're J and your D to her. She provides a service.

Right. And you can, I mean, it doesn't take much to do the math of why that equation works. Yeah. You know, like, but if you look at him, you're not like, ooh, God, I got to send this guy money. So hot. Twiddle my biscuit to him.

This is why women are so unhappy. Jesus. They spend their best fertile years getting their puneni Nagasaki Hiroshima by Chad and Tyrone. They're racking up that whether it is, whether they're traveling, whether they are taking stupid college degrees. They rack up so much debt and obviously when their post wall will over the age of 30, you know, Chad and Tyrone,

they don't want you anymore. Chad and Tyrone can get 18 year old girls. What the flying F is Chad and Tyrone going to do with your beef curtains down there. Your tits are beginning to sag. It's like, come on, man, no guy would want you. I'm 40 years old myself. Do you think I want a 35 year old woman?

Hell no. Hell no. I want a 20 year old woman. I want no post wall hag. So these women now they have, they know. See, the thing you guys need to understand is, yes, women cannot accept agency. They cannot accept responsibility.

But deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep down, women know when they ask up. They know when it's game over for them. Now there's a cool guy. That's pretty impressive. That is impressive. That's really good, huh? Well, so this man is a cab driver in Los Angeles.

I swear to God. And he's been putting out these awesome educational videos for men and women, letting them know what the world is like. By the way, he also made a very deliberate choice to choose a stereotypical white and black name. I know. As who the girls fuck. It's a very interesting choice.

He's out at the Chad and Tyrone's. Yes. So like, you're fucking everybody. Yeah. Well, I noticed that someone else used Tyrone as a stereotypical black name too. But like, when's the last time you met a Tyrone? I've fucking not since never.

What do you mean? How many Tyrones have you known in your life? A few. How many Tyrones have you guys known? Seriously. I've known one. One. Well, it's not that prevalent of a name.

Like, they're using it like it's Chad. Chad's prevalent. I think people just go, that's a black name. I know. Anyway. Yeah. So this guy gives lots of cool advice. Yeah, that was really cool advice.

The best part was he was like, I'm 40. I don't want some old ass 35 year old bitch. I know. He was like. He was like, gross. It's wild. You know what he said? No, I'm like.

He's like, you've got my mom's pants and boots on. And that guy's like, fuck off. He's like, he goes, hey man, you put my mom's pants and her boots on, huh? He goes, go fuck yourself. I love it. I knew he was busting his chops. I just didn't know. Was that good?

That's pretty funny. No, it was rad, dude. He's got like. Fucking Ugg boots, like chicks. Chick boots. And he's got like kind of like, yeah, those are pretty eccentric jeans. Those are chick jeans. Yeah.

Those Ugg boots make your feet smell horrible. There's dog fur inside of them. Okay. For the most part, when you guys get to meet any woman out there, don't talk to a woman. Okay. I'm telling you, this guy's right now. Do not under no circumstance are you to initiate anything with a woman.

The minute you open your mouth to a woman and say, hey, nice dress or how's the coffee? She automatically begs you puts in the beta male category because you're going up to her. Once you go up to her, a woman loses interest in you because she views you as you are beneath her. You're a beta male. So you never ever want to go up to a woman in public. You want a woman to come to you. You know, AMS themselves said it that for most of you, women are not going to approach you.

In that case, well, it is what it is. Go monk mode. Focus on yourself. Well, what do you guys think? I'm going to go ahead and say that that's not good advice. Never approach a woman. What the fuck? Well, he's saying that if you do, you immediately take a beta male position.

That's definitely not true. And the woman will be dominant. Wait, wait, wait. To be alpha is to be a pursuer, a hunter. Like you go up and you're like. Not in this guy's world. What do you guys think? Yeah, what do you think?

Is it good advice? You know, it's if you want to live the type of life that he's got, I think you do what he says. That's a good point. Any, do you agree with it? Yeah, man, just play the waiting game. See how long it takes. Don't come. Don't come.

Don't say anything. Never, never speak. Good luck. And then it all will land in your lap. Well, because he's like, don't bother. Go monk mode, bro. Focus on yourself. Then you'll never get laid.

Like what woman's going to pursue you? Yeah. It's not going to happen. Well, I mean, there's a special kind, I think. Yeah. That's going to be like, hey, is that guy just sitting in that cab in a park? I'm going to go talk to him. You mean like those whores you met at St. Patrick's Day?

Those hoes did approach us. And were they girlfriend material? They were pretty hot. No. They were pretty fucking hot. Stop it. They were pretty hot. Stop it.

And I lucked out because mine was like, legs open, stick it in. OK. But the one that was with my buddy was like, I don't do that, but I'll blow you three times. Is the dog getting his nails clipped? I hate it so much. Oh my god.

Fuck that. I would not be cutting those nails. Oh no. That's threatening, bro. Uh-oh. I think this is the dog. Oh no. I thought it was going to bite your face out.

There it is. Sit down. Sit down. Give me your call now. Get your face away from that face. Face right there. Dude, no way. No way, right?

I'll be out. I'll be like, I'll see you later. All right. I don't think your dog's supposed to growl at you like that ever. He's been it right here. Ever. Right in his grill.

Ever. It means the dog does not respect you. Never. They're not supposed to growl at you like that. If your butthole is darker, that's OK. And it's normal. Yes, getting it lightened is an option. Hyperpigmentation happens in high friction areas.

So if you were someone who always wears a thong, then yes, the inside of your butt will be a little darker. And for everyone who does not wear underwear, your ass cheeks are still clapping along when you're running and walking. So yes, that can cause hyperpigmentation too. That's a really actually important announcement to make, that your darker butthole is normal.

It's normal girls. You don't have to bleach. Yeah, you don't have to do that. Like you don't have to think that like, oh my god, but if my asshole's dark, then guys won't want to fuck me. Oh yes, they will. You can make it as dark as you want. And guys will still want to fuck you.

That's the thing that girls really don't understand. And they torture themselves. They get their assholes bleached. Their assholes bleached. They get their fucking faces, all this crap. When the fuck with their faces, you know, the lips and the nose and pulling it back. And then the face doesn't move.

And you're like, what the fuck are you doing? Well, I don't do this and I won't be cute. What? I know. And they stress about like, oh, my vagina is too meaty, the vulva or whatever they get, like labial, plastic. It's like, dude, guys are not even caring. Don't care.

Don't care. Don't care if your vag looks like a fucking mangled sandwich. We'll still lap it up. Yep. Yep. 02:04:12,040 --> 02:04:13,240 They did up and toss it out. No one cares, man.

No one cares. Nobody cares. Uh, don't do that to your face. Don't bleach your asshole. You really don't have to. Guys don't care. All right. This was a lot of fun.

That was super fun. It was. I feel like we took so many journeys. We did a personal journey. You and me together. We went through time. Yep. We went through some of my scallywags from the past.

Yeah. There's a few more stories to tell. I'll save those. And then we did best black moments from your mom's house clips. Yep. We went down a soundboard lane, did some great talks. Yeah. It was a lot of fun.

All right. We will see you guys next week. Thank you so much for listening and watching. Bye, Gene. Let's give it a whiff. For the pussy that was not wiped after mixing. Mixing. Mixing.

Mixing. Oh. Her panties have a very similar smell. Pumped into nasty. Nasty. Nasty. This is having boys. This is having boys.

But I paid extra for the three days of wearing. I never took appointment. I never took appointment. Because I felt like I was the tit. Tit. Let's give it a whiff. Irrection achieved. Irrection achieved.

Irrection achieved. Irrection f-ed it. To give me a boner, rain down. To do a boner, rain down. Hey kiss the hands off.