Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 597 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: March 31, 2021

YMH LIVE IS BACK! Friday, April 2nd at 6pm PT/9pm ET! Get your tickets now at https://livestream.ymhstudios.com SPONSORS: - Go to https://stamps.com/ click on the Microphone at the top of the homepage and type in MOM to get a 4-week trial PLUS free postage and a digital scale. - Go to https://Brooklinen.com and use code HOUSE for $25 with a minimum purchase of $100 - Head over to https://Revtown.com/YMH to upgrade your denim game today! - Go to https://squarespace.com/MOM for a free trial and when you’re ready to launch, use the offer code MOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. - Go to https://Whoop.com and use code "Yourmom" for 15% off - Go to https://brightcellars.com/YMH for 50% off your first 6 bottle order. - Go to https://BlueChew.com and get your first order free with code YMH. Just pay $5 shipping. HIGH AND TIGHT!! This week, Tom Segura and Christina P discuss the cool videos Tom surprises Nadav with, their upcoming move to Austin, Texas, the various weird and annoying neighbors they've had over the years, and their son's playdate with Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's son. They watch this week's BTA submissions, a super cool white dude's song, some "Horrible or Hilarious" videos, some new pup play, and a Fedsmoker video from the vault. Of course, we also watch Christina's TikTok curations.

YMH Live is back, ChoMos. April 2nd, 6pm. Go to livestream.ymhstudios.com. Get your tickets now, now, now, right now. Isn't this like nerd culture? Isn't this a reference to some hentai-y or something? What is this shit called? The anime that he watches? Yeah, isn't this like a, you go through me, you go through all of us in the wolf pack. No, this is just stupid people's shit. Are you a hot black Latina guy looking for a place to live? College 2395, Wagner House in Pompantissi, 124th and 1st Avenue, East Harlem, 798, 930, 9723. You don't have to pay any rent, I'll give you a clean, give you things I can't, and it will be the boards that I have.

And it goes from Wild to Wild to King. So if you're a top and you're a black Latina, or you're a homeless wax con, come check it out on this 798, 9723. Black guy homeless or some men from jail. A hot black Latina guy is a hot black top. This forever creep to king. Hey, this forever Porsche and pay, definitely not insane. He knows what he wants, black Latina thugs, give him all you got. Hey, hey, this forever Porsche and pay, he don't gotta hide his face.

Just give him what he wants, if you were black Latina thugs, give him all you got. Rubber they gonna take you on a damn plane. All you expensive things and all the champagne. Homeless guys they wanna give you damn brain. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Rubber we gotta start up on your campaign. Tell all the boys to eat you like some chow mein. Hundred nobody's down in the lobby.

Ready to party. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. This forever Porsche and pay, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Definitely not insane. He knows what he wants, black Latina thugs, give him all you got. He knows what he wants. If you're black Latina thugs, give him all you got. He knows what he wants, black Latina thugs, give him all you got.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. He knows what he wants, black Latina thugs, give him all you got. Oh man. Wow. I mean, Brendon Yurie. The most talented. I forgot how insane the original ad was with Robert Poulicyampatti. Oh yeah that's not even the original ad.

He just discovered that he had made that request multiple times. The original is the, you know. You got black guys who like to fuck good. If you're a black guy at a jail, this is good. How much is that you want? Yeah. Pretty sneaky man. Try it out.

Try it out. Piss me. Try it out. It was in my building. Yeah. And he was so frenzy. And every, like the most alarming thing is especially today in today's world everybody is all about, you know, even if you're letting your freak flag fly some degree of privacy.

He's like, here's my address. Here's my phone number. I'm home all the time. Just come over. It is wild. It's wild. It's like those people on TikTok who don't know that they're not sending a personal message to somebody.

Yeah. They don't know that the whole world. Check it out. It's in my building. Try it out. We have to check on Robert Paul. It's been a while. It's a while to King.

From a while to a while to King. He's got it all. It's mad. Yeah. We should check on him. Yeah. Speaking of amazing YMH related material content, if you will, a huge epic live show is happening this Friday.

It's YMH studios. Go to live stream.YMH studios.com. It is this Friday, April 2nd, starts at 6 p.m. Pacific Standard Time, 9 Eastern. We have the great Chris DiStefano, Chrissy Chaos, sitting on the couch with us. We have original music by the Marcus King band. We have incredible special guests and special content and a real, real, real heavy, real heavy, heavy segment. I mean heavy.

I'm about to throw up. I can't imagine what clips. I don't see them in advance. Yeah, you don't. No, you don't. This is new to me. And if you guys can one up last episode, I can't even imagine how horrible it's going to be.

Hey, what's up with the tits? I thought you were going to get new tits. Babe. All right. We'll work on it. There's so, by the way, so many fun surprises we have planned for you guys. Yes. And even within the heavy segment, it's not the same heavy stuff.

It's not. New heavy stuff. New heavy stuff. Yeah. Damn. I mean, we had prolapsed anuses, doggy-mashing. Oh, yeah. That's all amateur hour now.

Shut up. That's warm up. That's just lubing up your b-hole. That was JV. Yep. Now we're going varsity. Yeah. Now I'm scared.

I have to start drinking during that. But no murders. We decided to not have any murders and no cartel torturing people because people were sending that in. No thanks. Yeah. Okay. Try to keep it fun.

That was a lane on. Fun and light in the heavy segment. Tick tock for a while. Yeah, it's fucking crazy. I was finding there was one talk. There was a dead body in it. Yeah. Should I send this to the police?

I don't want those. I don't want to do gore, like straight up suffering gore. I just like to see someone, you know. Put shit on fries and eat them. Yeah. Yeah. Well, because that's more fun. Yeah.

Like ultimately that's a lighthearted gag. Hey, I think I can do this skateboard trick. Oh no, there goes my collarbone. Yeah. Like that. That's fun. Yeah. But not like, hey, this guy didn't pay us.

Let's disembowel him in front of his family. Right. I don't want to watch that. I'm not interested either. No. Well, I'm glad that you drew the line there. Yeah. No, I don't because I don't get anything out of it.

Does it make your penis hard at all? No. No. Those are for group texts. That's true. Oh, you send that to the guys? Well, I know how much Nadav doesn't like them. So whenever I get sent those, I immediately either send them to Nadav or I send them

to somebody else when I go send this to Nadav. The gory ones? Yeah. The gross, the really bad stuff. Like I sent him one or I had my friend, Sean, send Nadav a guy. You had Sean do it so that he would open it to trick him? Yeah. Yeah.

And it was a guy who got hit by a train. Oh my gosh. Yeah. I was like, oh, I haven't heard from Sean in a while. I wonder what he's sending me. I was like, oh, okay. I see what this is. That was fun.

And how long did that scar you for? Did it sit with you? He didn't even finish the video. You did it? He missed the best part. It was the train one? Yeah. I saw the part that I think you think is the best.

The end? Mm-hmm. That was wild. Yeah. Well, now you have to tell everybody because now you're talking about it. Tell him. Yeah. He got fucking hit by a train and splattered all over the rest of the station.

And you saw the blood in the guts and stuff? Mm-hmm. It was a lot like the Lath video. You saw a lot of mist and stuff. And like what country was this in? I have to know for context. I can't tell. One with a lot less safety precautions.

That was nuts. Eastern Europe somewhere? Yeah. He said it to me and I was like, oh my, and my, literally after I was like, oh my God, I go, you got to send it to Nadav. He was like, okay. How come you don't share those with me? I don't think you would really do well with any of this.

Yeah. Yeah. I know. I know. I feel like left out though. It's like a, what about Chris Larson and Josh Zolo and any? You know what? I'll start spreading out the group text.

Yeah. It's kind of, I'm, Chris probably feels left out too. I'm sure Chris is really bummed out that he didn't get that. Chris, are you super bummed? I am a little jealous. I got to admit. You know, this is one of those things that I'm okay missing out on. Whatever.

Okay. Whatever. Well, let's start the show. Okay. There's a lot to go over. Lots. Lots. Yeah.

Here we go. Let's start the show. Mushroom? Mushroom. Mushroom? Mushroom is, uh, feedback from, uh, God who was the cat? Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Thank's. Welcome to your mom's house with 텅스,

яют Our $10 living room, Welcome to your mom's house with Tom. Christina Pajit. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom. Meow. Meow. Yeah.

It's gonna be a fun week, man. It's not a white man's world anymore. No, and he's singing from a laundromat, which I don't know if you've... When's the last time you went to a laundromat, but it is a bummer to do your laundry at the laundromat. It can be, it can be, but usually it's cool if someone's singing like a white hymnal, you know? Then it kind of brightens your day. Wait, I think he's saying that the white man's day is over. He is.

Yeah. You know, he definitely is saying that, yeah. So it's against the white man. Yeah, yeah. I was being facetious. Oh, sorry. But yeah, he's singing a cool song, and it would certainly be fun to be, you know, taking your clothes out of the dryer. And here...

He's reading the lyrics. He's reading his lyrics. Yeah. Okay. Okay. It's really interesting lyrics. Yeah. He was bringing about the reality that depending on where you get your source, you know...

It's so true. Tells a different story. It's so true. Tells a different narrative. But then I don't know, I was like, oh, that's interesting. And then he kind of hooks you with this ain't a white man's world again. And I'm like, oh yeah. Right.

Like I'm on board. Yeah. And then I'm like, I said bold statement, but okay. The news thing was interesting. Oh, wow. There you go. It ain't a white man's world anymore. It does have a good hook.

He's got some pipes. Yeah. He's got pipes and a strong message. I got very specific there for a minute. I didn't understand what he was talking about. And back to the message, which is good. Hmm. Yeah.

Interesting. Yeah. I like that he wrote out those lyrics. He's been working on this song. For a while. He's like, you know where I should rehearse it at the laundromat? The laundromat. Make sure I record it.

Did he post this like online? On YouTube. Yeah. He put this on YouTube himself? Mm-hmm. Jesus. Well, he's, you know, good for him, the hustle. Yes.

That's how Justin Bieber got famous, you guys. Don't forget. Yes, this could be the next Justin Bieber. YouTube. If you put it out there, who knows, this could be the next, what's that song, the kind, I won't take my hopes to the something real. Yeah. Lil Nas X.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. This ain't a Mad Max work. Yeah. For sure. If it got remixed and produced.

What if like some huge artists got on it, they're like, we love your song. I mean, I bet like Toby Keith would be into it. You know? Toby Keith. Yeah. All those guys. I bet G could sing this. Fuck out of this.

Oh, G with JSD to sing this song. Yeah. He'd be like, you know, I really actually feel like it's a unifying song when you think about it. Yeah. Yeah. He'd find a way to make it about love and humanity and stuff. Yeah.

Him singing the white man. You know, do you realize that if G was like, I'm going to start singing this ain't a white man's world, that they'd be like, hey, you're moving from arenas to stadiums in the, in the Southern United States. He would work his career. Uh, Bryant Denny Stadium this week. Oh, really? Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. Six shows. Six shows at the stadium for white man's world. Okay. Where's the queen? What's his queen's name again? Trish.

Oh, Trish. Yeah. Yearwood. She comes out. She's super. Back up on it. White man's world. Oh, my God.

Does she sing backup for Garth? No, no. She does her own thing for sure. Yeah. She, they don't, they don't perform together. I don't know. In the studio G they will. Studio G.

Yeah. But yeah. They're great tours separately. In studio G. Oh, man. Very cool, man. Thanks for putting that song out there. It's a cool message.

It is. Yeah. I was in Chomaha over the weekend. You were and did you enjoy it? It's kind of a white man's world there, if you know what I mean. It really is. Yeah. It wasn't real mixed in the audience, but I actually had a great time.

It was, it was fun shows. People are very sweet there. Very nice. And yeah. Very nice. I like Chomaha as well. It's really nice actually. They're downtown.

They have a little. Yeah. I'm walking around there. There's a health food store. I go to every now and then. It was good. It was good. I had a good time.

What did you eat? It was, you know, I wouldn't say I had the most exciting cuisine, but breakfast was breakfast, you know. Oh, you did breakfast. Yeah. You liked your breakfast. Yeah. And then nothing really too exciting.

I didn't, you know, didn't go crazy with lunch. Oh, yeah. Dinner was at the club. Oh, yeah. So you're, you're eating club food, which is like always kind of. As for chicken breasts and shit like that. Chicken tits. Chicken tits.

Oh, we added a second Spanish show in Addison. That's Dallas Tejas. The night, 10 o'clock at night. I'm going to, it's my first late show in Spanish. That's going to be fucking wild. Your brain. You have to focus on. And then are those Spanish?

Yep. I got some new Spanish shows on sale. It's amazing, Tom. Ontario improv, uh, Brea show in Spanish. And looks like I'm going to be doing the Borgata August 28th. Is it? But not in Spanish. No, no, no.

That's in English. God damn it. No. April 9th through 11th, Des Moines. The only show that is available is the Sunday show. So scoop those tickets up now. April 23rd through 24th, Fartnick's Arizona. Fartnick.

Fartnick's one night only. Breastballs Beach, West Palm Beach, Florida. June 11th through 12th. Lies, guys. It's in Shark Lake, titties. And then the LOL in San Antonio. LOL. Libita Township.

Sounds like it is. In July. July, Libita Township. Oh, wow. And then Ego Columbus. And then we go to where, I don't even know where the Bricktown, Oklahoma City. Yeah. Damn, you're doing the road, homie.

Denver. I'm gearing up, you guys. You know what I'm saying? I'm just going to get a prov. And that's the gear. Dad, you got a job here to fuck face. He's so fired up. He goes, yeah, I got a fuck face.

Yeah. You know, I got a little treat. What's that? I'll cut you my camera through the fence, you faggot. We got a really awesome Facebooker video we found. Oh. You wanna see it? Yes.

Pretty rad. So you might cry cause you can't have my talk, ladies. I'm sorry. You may fucking hate me for it. I've been hated for more than once. I am fucking one. It fucks you hard. Wicked.

Tears and twat lips to pieces. Wow. Red and ravenous. Fucking crazy shit. I am father talk bitches. You must be 120 or less. You must be solid minded. You must be fucking sexy.

You must be dressed fucking sweet. I'm not going to go for it unless you're not. I strive for fucking perfection. Sorry. Perfection. You must be under 120 pounds for starters. Period. You were over 120 pounds.

You were drunk on top of that. Let's just suck on my chocolate a little bit just because I'm a good sport. I am an elite fucking force. Look at this neck. I do not want to get on somebody that's not fucking solid. It is fairly solid. So much happening. My shoulders.

I don't want to fucking hurt my shoulders fucking you bitches anymore. Giving such high repetitious poundings. It fucks me up. I love them. Not lately since I got rid of boogie. That motherfucker was tearing my arms out of the socket. I'm done. You must be fucking strikingly beautiful all the time.

It's awesome. Every fucking stitch of clothing must be perfect. Oh. I want you wearing perfume. I want you 120 pounds or less. You got that. Geez. And I don't want you drunk or fucked up.

I'm sorry. That's it. I mean. That's surprising. Let's go through the want list here. It's amazing. Is this his Raya profile that he's putting on? It's a tyrant.

So first of all we got 120 pounds. You must be an impeccable dresser. Sober. Sober. Which is surprising. That's the most surprising of all. He's like you need to have a solid head on your shoulders. Yeah.

If you want to mess with me. Not drinking nothing like that. What? What? I am father cock bitches. Father cock? Father cock. Oh father cock.

Like father time. Sure, sure, sure. I noticed his tats on his shoulders. That's kind of cool. We got to see that. Oh man. Wait. There was one more.

If you're over 120. I'll just suck on my cock a little bit just because I'm a good sport. I'll let you suck on my cock. Right. And that's kind of neat to know up front that he's really into that. So like you need to be into that. No. That's a treat for you if you're over 120.

Right. That's what I'm saying. So this is another check. Yes. I'm on 120. Yeah. I get to suck your D. Good. There's him twat lips to pieces.

Who even talks? Fed smoker is one of the greatest American here. I'm going to tear your twat lips to pieces. Yeah. Who is so romantic? Yeah. What? Do you think a lot of women want their twat lips torn to pieces?

That's a very vivid. There's a few out there, but I think some of them might not meet his requirement for being sober. You know, I think the girl who's like, I do think that sounds appealing. It's probably not level headed. Not well. Yeah. I want my twat lips torn to pieces.

Yeah. I think she might be tweaking like him. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. But I'd still choose him over who was the other guy that we had between Fed smoker and... No.

The Fed smoker, would you rather, was that or watch your parents have orgasms? I'd still have sex with him. Yeah. Same the dove. Yeah. You're so, so crazy. Yeah. Give me this entire repetitious pounding.

It's fine. I can handle it. I've had two kids. Sounds fun. Yeah. My twat lips are strong. They've already been torn open. I don't mind.

God. I am fucking one. Fuck you hard. Yeah. He's fit. Look, let's talk about the positives of Fed smoker. Okay. He's in great shape.

He's showing you. He's got a strong neck and chest. He's got his own car. We know that at times he is employed at Falcon car wash. Dentistry school. He likes to travel. Yeah. He can remove his own teeth.

He's resourceful. Yeah. Yeah. He's got a lot of cool stuff going on. Lots of cool stuff. Yeah. He's got good shades. Great shades.

He has a collection of shades. Yeah. Yeah. So that was... That was really cool, man. Thanks. That was really cool. Turns out...

Turns out... There's a cool guy. He's a pretty cool dude. Just fucking lick that pussy to pieces. Fed smoker. Yeah. Different clip. Yeah.

But he's also going to lick the pussy to pieces. That's what it says. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Wow. You guys are really into it. Yeah.

He's pretty cool. Just beat her. Yeah. Fuck it too, man. Okay. Oh, yeah. Fuck him. Austin update for people.

Momston. I believe we're renaming that place. Hey, Haas. We are moving. I want you to know that this show, of course, continues. People have asked if that's the end of Two Bears. Absolutely not. Absolutely not.

So, just so you know, two days after we moved to Austin, I fly back here and then four days after that you fly back here and we do your mom's house here because our studio won't be ready in time. So, you'll still see this studio for a while on the channel and Two Bears stuff will continue. And you know, like whenever one of us isn't around, we'll have a guest bear, but we will continue to do that show. Cup. I think it was Bobby Lee.

Oh, Bobby and Santino broke in here when we weren't here and the show is super rude. But yeah, so anyway, that stuff will all continue. The shows will still come to the channel. Same time. Same dates. And where my mom's at. Yeah. We'll continue as well.

And can we fucking talk about how amazing Tom Talks is for fuck's sake. I've been having one-on-one conversations with like just, I mean, incredible guests, man. I've had Derek Delgato, the guy who did In-N-Out of Itself, Dion Sanders, Tony Gonzalez. I got incredible guests coming up and we're putting them out twice a week on my personal YouTube channel. If you want to listen, just down, you know, just subscribe on iTunes or wherever. So twice, sorry, I said twice a week, twice a month, every other Thursday.

But it's on my personal YouTube channel if you want to watch it. If you want to listen, it's wherever podcasts are available. I'm trying to just reach out and talk to people I find really interesting and want to have one-on-one conversations with. So that's something that we'll continue to do too. Of course, where my mom's at, we'll continue to come out. But anyway, that's a very exciting, I can't wait. So far, everybody's been really cool to us in Texas and reaching out and everyone's

very welcoming and I'm looking forward to it and looking forward to the change. And we have a lot of love, we should say, for Los Angeles. I mean, you've been here. Oh my gosh, always. As long as I've ever lived anywhere, I've lived here 19 years and you've been here your whole life and, you know, we'll still be here a lot. Like, I already have two tickets back here within a month of moving. So we'll be here.

But anyway, now that that's out of the way. Just so you know, Studio Jeans will stay. You guys, don't worry. Nothing's ever going to change. Yeah, yeah. We're going to be here. It's still happening. We're still your jeans.

Two of these, one jeans. Two of these, one jeans. You told me, because you've noticed this, like, if you walk out of our house and you go to get a coffee, because we always go to the same coffee place, you walk out. There is this one neighbor, because you pointed out, you mentioned it and I was like, wait a minute, is it if you go to the right and then you go, yep, there's a guy who does driveway workouts and front yard workouts. And he also restores dirt bikes in his front yard.

Well, and let's be clear, like, we don't live in a very rural neighborhood. We live in Los Angeles. Yeah, so restoring dirt bikes in certain neighborhoods is probably normal fare, but not where we live. It's LA. Strange. And not only that, so he works out in front of his house, which is odd, because I'm pretty sure he has a backyard, too, that he could work out in.

But the part that strikes me as interesting is that he's a loud worker out here. And I'll walk by and I'll hear him, yeah, he'll literally go, when he's doing pull-up and you can hear it as you're walking across the street and down, I'm like, that is so embarrassing. Yeah. Yeah. Come on, dude. First of all, aren't you mortified to work out in public anyways?

That's what he's doing. Workout. I mean, it's crazy in the gym, you know. That's what I'm hearing. And these are just pull-ups? It is so insane. It is. It's insane.

That's what he sounds like. Yeah. Yeah. Pull-ups. You see it in gyms, too. I thought you'd go to, like, a gym. I haven't been in a community gym in a while now, but there's always that guy and you're like, okay, man.

Really? Yeah, chill. Yeah, it's like, are you squatting, like, 500? No. No, he's just, like, curling 25 and you're like, you scream for that? What's going on with you, man? Right. And I've been around you when you lift weights.

You're quiet as a mouse. Yeah. I mean, unless you're going for, like, heavy, heavy, that where you, oh, you know, it's like you're pulling everything you got, but, like, for just going, if you're doing sets of 12, you don't need to go, like, with every rep. You just don't. You don't. That's theatrical.

Yeah. The sound effects are for who's benefit. Like, you know you're being loud. Some people, I'm sure, I do. I know, of course. I've been working out for years and that's part of, like, it's how I breathe correctly. I always go, ah, with every rep. You don't need to make a sound.

You don't need to make a sound every time. You don't, but you know, there's just tennis players that say, remember, we grew up watching Monica Stella's every time, right? Every time. That's her right there. Well, it's funny to remember when we are doing tennis with our old, our co-chair and his sound is, and I would make fun of him. I go, I got, Mike was his name.

I go, Mike, is that your tennis sound? He's like, what? I go, that's your sound. And I go, Tom needs to come up with his tennis. You should have seen him, though, because that was like, once I got into doing three times a week and he would start to, like, rip them, like rip his fucking high level. Oh, yeah. When he was really.

He's really talented. Super talented. Yeah. I mean, you would see that thing just 100, whatever miles an hour coming at you, you know. And what was his sound? Would they go? It would become, it would just louder.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So he would turn up the volume on the sound, depending on how big he got. Yeah. Of course, he's playing.

Yeah. Yeah. Look, I don't know. Maybe is it just me that when I exercise, I don't want other people to see me. I'm so embarrassed of how I look. Some people. I'm awkward. I'm sweaty and middle-aged, like, don't, I don't want, I don't want, I don't need the

audience. The audience. Yeah. No, I'm with you on that. Yeah. So he must want the audience is what I'm saying. That guy, maybe. Yeah.

I think it's a little theatrical that he's doing that, like the workout with the garage open in the driveway and he's, yeah, it's so that you walk by, what's going on there? Yeah. And he sometimes. Oh, you're working out while you restore a dirt bike? That's cool. He's got, and he has the trainer sometimes with him, and then you hear the two of them going back and forth.

Yeah. Yeah. It's so weird, man. Yeah. They go back and forth. I guess because I'm so, I'm very self-conscious as, as are you. I think in our core. I saw in Shomaha that we were, so I was walking through the mall with Jeff Tate, we went to

the mall one afternoon just fucking around and we walked by a Chinese massage like mall set up. So, but it's just, it's, it looks like a store, I mean, it's just glass, you know, windows and there's just like people laid out on tables as people was like, I don't think there's anything worse than getting massage in front of people, you know, like I did that once at the airport. I don't, that's what I was thinking. I don't like that.

And I was sitting there, I was like, yeah, but I'm on display and like they're just grinding, you know, your, your shoulders and you're like, ah, I don't know, man. Is there a door? And the guy, the guy's grinding you and he's like, you want one next? Yeah. And then he's like, he's doing this too. Like he's like on his phone, he's like, you know, like reading messages. It's horrible.

I can't think of anything so more. I even feel embarrassed getting a shoe shine in public. I've done that once and I was like, it's just like too many people looking. It is. I know, especially like if it's not a white person, then you're like, look, man, I don't feel comfortable with this. Check your point of personal privilege, Tom. I really don't like it.

I'm like, is there a white guy you could have to do this? What? A personal privilege? It just doesn't feel right. Yeah. I don't care how much I tip you. I can't. I don't like it.

I've been watching the point of personal privilege video all weekend. It makes me laugh all the time. Point of personal privilege. Can you watch? Please? Your volume? I'm over-simulating. I think we put an answer.

I mean, again, like what you expect, you expect people in public to conform to what you want. It's absurd. It's absurd. Quick point of privilege once again. Hi, James Jackson, Sacramento DSA, he him. I have already asked people to be mindful of the chatter of their comrades who are sensitive to sensory overload. And that goes double for the heckling and the hissing.

It is also triggering to my anxiety, like the B-com rarely isn't just for like, you know, let's keep things simple or whatever. It's so that people aren't going to get triggered and so that it doesn't affect their performance as a delegate. Okay? That guy. Imagine being friends with that guy. Point of personal privilege.

How long do you think it would take before you're like, hey, man, not only can we not hang out, I want you to get assaulted. Seriously, I can't even hang out with people that take too long to order off a menu. Yeah, this guy. That bothers me. Like, and I don't know which one to take. Do you realize you'd sit down at a restaurant and he'd be like, just so you know, I'm super triggered right now.

People are ordering and like, there's drinkers. I can hear glasses clanging. Yeah, you're in a restaurant. Fuck, Ed. There's noise in here. Eat on the fucking sidewalk. That's where you're going to end up anyway. I would bludgeon him and I would bludgeon him for his weakness, like his weakness

would anger me. Definitely. You're a weak fucking person. Yeah, I agree. It's the, ugh. Yeah, I hope bad things happen to that guy. The audacity to that everyone conform to what he wants. It's just absurd.

Guys, you know, many people are like, do not use gendered language. Get out of here, man. You can't say guys. That's a point of personal privilege. That's right. You're not supposed to use gendered language. Okay, cool. Speaking of where genders are really up in the air still.

You lived in San Francisco for a while. I did. We were, by the way, in polar opposite place. I never really thought about that for our college experience. You lived in San Francisco, one of the most cosmopolitan, like diverse, liberal, and I went to school in Hickory, North Carolina, where that shit, none of that shit, none of it. Nothing.

Nothing that you saw on a regular basis even happened in Hickory ever. No. Really, the minute I landed in SF, and I grew up in LA, which is very liberal, too, but SF is the epicenter of liberal, and I mean, I remember landing and like going and seeing dudes holding hands at the movie theater or billboards of like gay people. Yeah. And that's their norm. So now you are the odd man out in their world.

So you have to respect like their, but it was, so there's so much nutty stuff going on there. We had a neighbor one time. Now, yeah, the first house I lived in who felt that his circumcision was unfair. And so he would post signs of protest against people circumcising their children in front of his house. Like he wanted to reclaim his foreskin, and that was this guy's whole MO. Yeah.

And he would always with the billboards and like the signs in front of, it was like our neighbor too. So he'd be like, oh, there's a circumcision guy, like he's still mad about his dick. There's so many people that are on that circumcision thing, you know? I mean, I understand. I guess I understand that. Yeah. No, but it's, what's funny is like that, that lane of like, of writing a sign and painting

it red, like this is the blood of every penis that's been circumcised and you're mutilating babies. Like, whoa. Yeah. I had somebody lecture me one time about it. They go, you know, I think it was, yeah, it was, you weren't yet pregnant with Julian, but Ellis was born and somebody, we're talking about, you know, kids and then this, a lady goes, did you circumcise them?

And I was like, yeah. And they go, like started to like voice their disapproval. And I was like, I don't care that you don't like it though. And then, and then she goes, she went on and I go, do you have kids? And she goes, no, I go, how are you even a part of this? Like, you don't have anything to say. No say. What do you, who gives a fuck what you think?

So, well, I, yeah, I agree. It's nobody's business. What you do with your own kid. Yeah. You know what? Why don't you shit out a boy and then you can leave his dick alone. Okay. Wow.

And by the way, you'd have to find someone to fuck you first and I don't think it's going to happen. So. But it would be like, well, yeah, I mean, I don't want to get into his topic, a debate on circumcision, but it is like, if it's the norm, then you just kind of want the norm. But this. Do whatever you want. I mean, like, here's the thing.

I don't care. If you don't want to circumcise your kid or you don't want to. I don't care. I don't care. And if you want to fucking cut the actual head of your dick off, go ahead and do that too. I don't care. I agree. But this guy did this thing where he re-grew his foreskin and he pulled it up with weights

and it was like, I swear to God, it was a whole thing. So much you could do in this world and to, to, for that to be your focus, like for that to be your contribution is, yeah. So he re-grew his foreskin and then he would tell everybody about re-growing their foreskin and like, ask me how. That was another billboard. Ask me how. Another sign in front of our, in front of my neighbor's house.

Yeah. And, uh, yeah. Yeah. He was also really militant about recycling. Like he would shoot on you. You know what I want to tell someone like that, hey dude, why don't you grow a garden? Like, you know what I mean? Do anything productive, productive.

Yeah. Why don't you plant some tomatoes? I know. Do something else. I know. I know. These angry, I don't, I feel bad for him. Obviously, it's, you know, he's not well.

I had, so I had, I had a neighbor's, or a couple that lived next to us in Hickory at one of my apartments that hated each other, so we would hear them fight through walls. That's always fun. Intense screaming and stuff like that. Yeah. With a cisgendered, what, normal, yeah. Then I lived in a, I lived in an apartment in College Park, Maryland. You did?

Yeah. Maryland? And I lived in Maryland, yeah. When? So. Do I need to do a background check on you? I mean, I'm giving you the check right now, you know? Maryland.

Yeah, I lived in Maryland. When? Well, I'm about to tell you. I mean, I, I'm sorry, I'm a little floored. I've known you for 20, I've known you for 20 years. You've never brought up Maryland. Yeah. I had a family there.

That's what I was going to ask next. I had three kids. They're, they're in their 20s right now. So. Okay. Maryland. I mean. When I was in college, when I was in college, the summer after my junior year, I lived in

Georgetown in DC, right? Yeah, I remember. I lived there. You've told me that. Okay. I lived with, I lived with family there and it was the fucking best. I lived in a, an incredible house in Georgetown. Just remarkable.

Okay. And I was like, you know what, you, you get so used to it, you're like, yeah, I could totally live here because it's their amazing house. Oh, because they live just in a point of personal privilege in like a nice. Really nice. Neighborhood. Really nice neighborhood. Like the best neighborhood in DC.

Oh, wow. And then. I, that was for an internship. So I lived there for the summer. I go back to school for my senior year. I finished school. I first moved to Boston and I live with my friend, Steve in Boston. Him and his wife, I, at the time, no, at the time it was his girlfriend, but they ended

up getting married. I lived with them on their couch, you know, which is terrible, but I lived there for like eight weeks. Then I got an offer from the same place in DC, America's Most Wanted. That's right. So that's where I worked. And so I was like, oh, I'll just go live in Georgetown again with my, my aunt and my dad was like, you can't do that.

They hooked you up. That was a summer, dude. Yeah. You can't move in. I was like, why? She's lonely. Like let me. So I ended up getting hoodwinked because I told somebody at the AMW where I was going

to work and they're like, oh, you can live in my, like I'm moving out of this place. You can move into it. Fuck. So it was a, it was a house in college park with like six people. Oh no. And I think I've said this before, like I got the bedroom that has a bathroom in it, which is great. One of the other roommates has to use my bathroom.

Oh God. So he would come in, take a shower, take shits. That's the worst. Dude, it was a fucking, I mean, it definitely contributed to me not wanting to stay there. Of course. Not wanting the job. And he had to go through my room to go to the bathroom. Yeah.

So he would like, you'd hear a knock and I'm like, what's up? It's going to take a shower. I'm like. Great. Okay. Cool. At any time he can come into your room. What if you take a piss in the middle of the night?

He's going to your fucking room. Fucking nightmare. This is the worst roommate, especially multiples. I had at one point, one, two, three, four roommates in San Francisco at the same place next door to the circumcision house. And we lived with two boys. Yeah. And it was, the toilet was in a room separate from the shower room, thank God.

But getting ready in the morning for school, like four fucking five people showering, there was no hot water ever. And then if you took a shit, it was like someone's always in the bathroom and five people house, you know? Yeah. It's terrible. God, I hated being poor like that. And they all sucked.

Like all those people. That's the worst. Yeah. They sucked, you know? So definitely when they, when they offered, I got the job offer to extend because I started with a three month contract. So as it came up, they're like, hey, we want to offer you, I was like, no, I moved here. Good.

Well, I'm glad. Yeah. Well, so that wasn't so sinister. No, no, no. I was worried. It was just like, no, it was just like a weird. Now, I'll make a confession. Yeah.

I had so many roommates. There's like five of us in San Francisco and I would never do my chores. Big shocker. And there was a chore wheel. One of my, so Shauna, my BFF, Bronwyn, my other, and then like another, whatever, two people, whatever. And I would never do my chores. I would never.

I'm not surprised. Yeah. At all. But you would say you did. Yeah. Yeah. I cleaned the toilet. Yeah.

You're still so messy and nasty. I've gotten so much love and support. Thank you, everybody, sharing your stories on Instagram. Don't let Tom's to grow shame you on your positive oral hygiene habits. Us flossers out there, we have to stick together and unite. Anyway, back in SF2, I also had neighbors that fucked. So we were on the second floor and I looked out my, it was the best. I look out my kitchen, like kitchen window as I was cooking something and they were fucking

right there and they didn't have any drapery, anything on their windows and I just watched them fuck. That's cool. And then I'd call over the other roomies like, dude, they're fucking everybody. They never would like wave at you guys. They caught on eventually by the fourth time. We were like, what's up, dude? Oh, shit.

Like, oh, one time they finished and we all clapped and that's when obviously they figured out. They were ashamed or were they smiling? They were upset. They were upset. They were shamed. Yeah. What'd they look like?

Just like, I just remember like, okay. So here's what I saw. Like, so they're just like a white couple of white people, you know, point of personal privilege and the, they were too mission, sorry, she would be on top and I would see his head, just his head like this because the windows are there and then like her on top of him kind of, and they didn't have drapes or curtains. Well, here's the deal. A lot of people didn't because it was like a slumlord Victorian house and like the fucking

asshole that owned it didn't put curtains on. When you applauded, they got mad. Yeah. They were like, like the woman was like, what the fuck? And I'm like, you don't have curtains, shit bird. I love like neighbor sex. You know where at home because we lived in a house where the neighbor, the divorcee was getting railed for the first time in a while and she was really putting on a show with

orgasms. But in a hotel, it's kind of fun. That's fun. Like I've had, you know, I stay in hotels so much, I've had the Walt where you start hearing something and then you go right to the right spot and you hear them doing it. I'll jerk off like immediately. Okay. Don't you do that?

No. You didn't get turned on a finger yourself when that was happening? God. No? Finger yourself. Wait, if you heard your neighbor like in a hotel banging, you don't get turned on by that? Well, yeah, it's exciting, but I don't need to, I don't need to finger myself.

Well, you know what I mean. I just like, oh, that's nice. You don't masturbate? Wow. Not immediately. What about in the booth? I'll probably be like, oh, I wonder what that sound is. But once you know what it is, you wouldn't masturbate?

Furiously masturbate. I don't know about jerk off to it, but I'd be like, oh, I should look at some porn. Right. Like it might. It leads to masturbation. Yeah, I'd be like, oh, I should jerk off. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I tried to time it where I came with the guy. I was like, come on, dude. Come on, come on. And then when he went, I was like, here we go. You're getting two loaves. Oh, like that. Fun.

That's great, Tom. That's really something else. Now, when I lived in the valley, like my first one here, I've told that story. I had a nightmare scenario where the wall of my bed, like in my bedroom, was the living room of the neighbor's apartment. Right, the wall. Oh, I remember that house. I would go there.

So she had a routine where she would wake up at like six and put on the today show. Watch TV. Oh, God. But full volume. So it was like her way to wake up. So it was full volume. Like, welcome to the today show. Yeah.

And like, you know, all the commercials would be full blast. Yeah. 6 a.m., and I would just hit the wall, like hit it until she got the clue like, hey, I'm sleeping in here. You fucking asshole. That's why I hated spending the night at your house because of her. It was a nightmare. She would wake us up super early.

And then upstairs, the guy would shoot porn. So now, you know, this would probably offend people, but he would shoot a transsexual porn. So he, not that, you know, it could be any porn, but that's just what he was shooting. And it would also be like, do you get home at like 11 o'clock at night? You're like, wow, it's really lit up. It would be lights like here. Oh my God. You know?

And then you would see a trans lady park, a walk up the stairs, and then, you know, you just, just pounding, pounding, and they're just, but I didn't jerk off to that. Really? Yeah. That's interesting. I wonder why. I think I was just upset that it wasn't the porn that I would watch. Like you, you knew.

What's that? Yeah. As I saw, I was like, oh, this isn't what I'm into. That's interesting. So even the same, the same sounds and the same, everything. And also, you know what? It was manufactured. It wasn't real sex.

Oh, that's true. That's different. That's true. Performative. You know what is universally the worst thing to have, though, when you live in an apartment complex. I think anybody who's experienced it, when you live on the bottom floor and the fucker on top of you walks around in like clogs or heavy shoes, yeah, that will fuck that

ruined. I lived in Silver Lake for like two and a half years and the nicest lady I lived in the basement of her house. She wore like those wooden shoes. Oh, and it was like kong, kong, kong, kong, kong, kong, kong, kong, and she would walk around late at night and then fucking up early. She walked into your placement time when I was still there. Yeah.

Yeah. So I left, I went to work and this is when Tom and I were just dating and you were asleep in the nude. And then she came in to do something landlady and then she saw you naked. And then she was like, he's got nice shoulders. Yeah. That's what she said to me later. He's like, I saw Tom in there.

I mean, it's okay. But he does have nice shoulders. I was like, he didn't see his dog, lady. He did. He was DICK. I gave it to her. Yeah. You know what's so fucked up?

I didn't realize how rude I was living in that place, though, is that she was not a smoker and at the time I was. And so I had a little patio area, remember? Yeah. Off to the side and I would just sit there and smoke off every night, after work, every night, and then we'd just go right up into her window. I felt like now, looking back, I'm like, that was kind of a shit bird move. That's life.

Yeah. She didn't want that. No, I know. She was a nice lady. Then we had the, we had that old guy who was dying. Yeah. He was in his 90s. He was.

Marty. Marty. And he lived like at the apartment and I would see him and be like, oh, you're about to die. You know, he was in his 90s and it was summertime in Silver Lake. It was so hot and he didn't have air conditioning. And like we didn't have that, you know, the kind of money that I was like. Wall units we have.

Yeah. I was like, we should get one for him. Like a wall unit. Yeah. Like $200 at least. Because he was so old. I went to his apartment and I go, hey, you know, it's really hot, man. Do you want me to, like can I get you one?

He was like, no. I don't want it. Yeah. He didn't want it. Didn't want it. Oh, there is Marty. Yeah. And he would actually, that's what he looks like there.

That was more Marty. And we wanted to take him out for dinner. He refused. He wanted to go to Sizzler. Oh, I love Sizzler. I got that Malibu chicken. He wanted Sizzler and he also, he would get picked up for dialysis twice a week. And one time I was like, oh, because he's an alone, you know, he's alone in this shitty

apartment that's a hundred degrees and I'm like asking him some questions like, do you have kids? And he's like, yeah, like you do. Yeah. Do you ever see them? He's like, no. And I was like, how could your kids not and then it occurred to me was the first time I was like, oh, you see a sweet old person, but you don't know that they might have been

a piece of shit. Yes. Maybe because I couldn't imagine the guy that I knew is a sweet old man, but maybe he wasn't a sweet man. Yeah, you don't know. You really don't know. The old kind of is camo, you know, where it's probably helpful because you need compassion as you get older.

You need people to care for you. But you know, knowing that he had multiple kids and that they didn't look after him at all. I was like, whoa. That is so true because I think you assume that old people are good. You do. I'll hold the door for this old person. Yeah.

I'll be kind. I'll be extra, you know, soft and sweet to them. You don't realize that they can be Satan. Like they can be the worst. Yeah. It's so weird. Well, he looked like a sweet old man. He did.

But you know what I noticed too? He always had horrible lighting in his apartment like when you go down there, he would have the overheads on like that neon and I was like, God, just take care. His life was not cool at all. No. Terrible. But I'll tell you what that fool did. You know, we had this weird driveway, everything in Silver Lake is hills.

It was like a perfect incline. This fool, though, could go down in that old ass car memory had long ass car. And he could back up like perfectly at his age. Well, he'd been driving for 70 years. Yeah. And I always admired his his going down and up the drive. I'm like, I don't even do it that well, bro. That was after MacArthur Park, though, that wait.

Yeah. Yeah. Terrible. The rampart. Yeah. That's where there was a washer dryer on every other floor of an apartment complex, right? So you put your clothes in the washer and it could be that two floors of people want to also wash their clothes.

Yeah. And a lot of times people would leave their clothes, you know, because they weren't on top of like sometimes you learn, oh, this clothes is here. Maybe someone's going to come put it in the dryer the next few minutes. So you go back to your apartment and you go, maybe you set a timer, 30 minutes. You go back in the same clothes as still in the washer. You're like, well, this is going in the dryer now, dude. So that's what I did in one time.

The guy caught me doing it. That's the worst. Yeah. You gotta move quickly when you do that. Yeah. And I remember like you could feel, you feel the adrenaline surge of like, it's about to be a fight. Yeah.

Because they really hate when you touch their clothes. Everybody does. But hey, come fucking move your clothes, man. I know. The washing one is on like a Sunday and everybody's home and you know that that that is a competitive washer dryer situation. That was the the guy worked at BET and he's the one. Yeah.

He got real pissed. And I was like, I tried to like deflect. I was like, no, because what happened was like, I didn't have a, but he, I did BET. I did stand up on the show there and I asked him like, so, and he was working the show. But I, in other words, I show up to tape stand up and I see him. I'm like, you're my neighbor. He's like, what's up? Like, this is like, he's working at it.

He's working on the, on the actual production I'm on. So then like a week or two later, I see him at the apartment and I go, hey man, like, how can I get a tape of that? And he was like, yeah, I don't know, man. I was like, but you work there. He's like, I don't know. He's like, you could email this person, he gave me like the email of the receptionist. You know, I was like, you can't know.

You sweet though. At least he was nice. But you remember those fucking nerds who parked, okay, who parked right next to us was that we had two spaces and then those fucking nerds parked next to us that were like Disney fanatics. The pixie dusted. Yeah. We've talked about them. Their license plate said pixie dusted and they wore like Mickey Mouse shit every day.

No, that's how I feel. And also when I brought up, when I brought up Disneyland to them, their demeanor, like they would, they would sit in the elevator like this and then I'd be like, what'd you guys do? And they're like, we went to Disneyland. And I was like, yeah, how was that? And they're like, but we go every week. I was like, you go every week to Disneyland.

They're like, yeah, we have a pass and it's the most magical place. I'm like, you're like 36, man. That's the thing is that they weren't, and by the way, they weren't in their twenties, which I can kind of even get like, hey, when you're in your twenties, let's go to Disney. That's fun. Like 30. They should have, they should have just been like saving for a house. I did the fuck out of this neighborhood.

That guy one time got in the elevator. Disney every fucking weekend. And he goes, I'm gonna be joking. He goes, he's barefoot in the elevator. Oh, no. He's like, hey, yeah, I'm just going to check my mail. Could you hold the elevator for me? And I go, yeah.

And he got out and I pressed close. You maniac. Barefoot. Yeah. Well, that's the thing about Carondale that what this house was is that people assume that the public areas were the same as their apartment areas. And like, yeah, like you can't go to the lobby barefoot ass wipe and you can't leave your laundry either, man.

No, so gnarly. Yeah. But the thing about this too, here's what enrages me about pixie dusted is that here's this young couple. They were married. They were in their mid 30s. We were all living in a really rough neighborhood. So clearly we were all like hoping to move on up.

Everybody was. Yeah, like, bro, this was a transitional set. She didn't want to be here too long. How much fucking money do you think they poured into Disneyland? Just tens of thousands of dollars. Did we go to Disneyland when we lived in a shit bag place? We just shopped at TJ's. Yeah.

A frozen food. Yeah. And then the landlady would come and eat it. Yeah, yeah. We literally would go to Trader Joe's house. Like Trader Joe's is amazing and it is the place to shop, especially when you're like, I have 20 dollars a week and you can get so much stuff. So they would have like, you know, you try to treat yourself, right?

Like, you don't have like, so we would buy like appetizer stuff. You know, like it would be like, yeah. Like frozen, you know, like or derp kind of puff pastries and I put them in and it's like, you know, let's say it's 12 and she would be like, do you need conditioning fixed, you know, she'd come in and I go and they would just be coming out. And I'd be like, oh, do you want to try a puff pastry? She'd be like, yeah. All of a sudden I turned and she'd eaten nine.

I was like, she'd eat all of our treats and she was super skinny. No, no, she had a New York. They were both from New York. The guy was he had a long hair down to the middle of his back. Long black. This guy, they were nice. They were wonderful people and mustache. He'd be like a Tom.

Yeah. He's like, one time he was a Tom. Good boy. So bag. And I go, what? He goes, so bag. And I go, I don't think I have that. Yeah, you got one.

I go, no, I don't a suit bag. And he goes bag. You put a suit and I go, oh, a suit bag. So bag. I mean, a garment bag. He's like, yeah, sure, man. Yeah, but did you even have a suit bag? I think I did.

I think he's seen it or something. So he mentioned it. And I go, yeah, sure. He was going on a trip somewhere. Tommy, when I think back, we had so little back then. Yeah, those were crazy times. And you and I were like, we're going to become comedians. And I remember being so anxious those years, just like not being able to

sleep at night because we didn't know if you're going to get feature work. We were just trying to be feature acts. Remember that shit? And you I remember just like the crippling anxiety and also the drive to get the hell out of that neighborhood and get the hell out of that. Crazy thing is like you get out. We get the hell out of that. Oh, man.

We go from there to Silver Lake and then from Silver Lake to Redondo, which is like fucking 30 miles from Los Angeles. We've made a big change. And then we're living in that guest house. And we have, you know, we've talked about a crazy neighbor over here, crazy neighbor over there, a retired cop across the street, who if you parked, which you can, you can, it's on a public street in front of his house. He would then pull his car and park one millimeter from your car.

Is he was a psycho, a psycho. But that one time I left my car in front of his house. Oh, look, he left a crazy note on it about how the street can't get clean like a, you know, and I had a ticket on the car and I was like, I don't care. Yeah. He left an insane note on the car. And I had such crazy visions of revenge because of what I wanted to do. You know what I wanted to do for real?

No, I'm serious. If I had the money, I would have done this. I wanted to pay people to park multiple cars in front of his house. Oh, it would have been great. We should do it now. Like I'll pay for your tickets and I'll pay you money every day to leave your car parked in front of his house. And just, just to fuck with him.

You know, he, because he was so, he was passive aggressive and crazy and crazy. And this was the, this neighborhood had that policy. It was an unspoken policy in front of all of them. You could not park in front of somebody, even though it's all public property. And I get it, by the way, I get it. Like I have a house. I get it. You don't want someone to park in front of your house, but people park in

front of my house all the time. I don't fucking care. You know, and I don't go like, I'm going to leave a note on this. I know that that car is going to move. It's absurd that you would care. Tommy, I can't remember in that house, were we able to park up our driveway? Yeah, we could, right? Like if we drove past the get, like the front house.

In Redondo, you could park one car, one in the driveway and one on the street. So they wanted, they were like, we'll park the one on the street in front of your place only. But it's, we live in a guest house. So there was actually two other cars. There's the main residence parking. There wasn't, there wasn't a lot of options. And they were like, just don't park here.

And you're like, but I need, I need a place to park the car. But that was a great neighborhood. I, besides that, I loved living in. And here's what's crazy. We go from that, from a scary MacArthur park to that, to the next neighborhood where our six month old son's first play date is with Kim and Kanye's son. Like, so, but let's, let's give a little more context. So Tom and I are living in this guest house in Redondo.

We, at the time, what do we, we've established your mom's house a bit more because we started in Silver Lake and we're starting to get an audience on YMH. And then I don't know if people know this, but so your first hour is ready to be taped and you get passed. Comedy Central passes on that hour, right? HBO, I think it doesn't work. They all pass, except for this little platform called Netflix. Which at the time, at the time they said they were about to cross 40 million

subscribers, which is like really significant, but it's still, it's not like it is today where everyone's like, that's the leader in. It wasn't like that. So at the time we were like Netflix, I guess so. They said like it almost has as many subscribers as HBO. That's what they were saying. Because they were starting to get steam and Burr had a special on there and he was like, it's really good, man.

Like he was like, you should, it's good that you're going to be there. I was like, really? Yeah, we, but we were disappointed because we, at the time it was like Comedy Central or HBO. There was no, it wasn't like this. And so I'm pregnant. My mother passes away. So I'm dealing with that.

Like my head's just down for nine months, essentially being pregnant. And then we have our son and it's you, me, two dogs in this tiny guest house. And we're going crazy with them. I'm working, I'm doing the road like crazy. You're working like crazy and we're going nuts. And you go, we got, we got to move. You got to get the fuck out of here. And I go, but we don't, we can't move.

We don't have any money. And you go, no, we do now. Remember that was the first time. And I go, we do. And, and we're like, yeah, let's get the fuck out of here. We're like, oh, it was like a Pejitzky effect, you know, where you're like, we only have one phone charger. We have to stay in the guest house and we're down to like, oh, we have choices now.

We have options. And then we move to this crazy. Yes. It was a gated community and, and it was a, it was a rental. We rented the house. I was like, yeah, we were trying to buy a house, but like it's so hard to be on the road so much and try to like drive up to LA to see how it's just like, there was no time newborn.

And it was, there's so much going on. We rented a house in this neighborhood. And I don't know who lives in this neighborhood. I really don't get to, I know that there's like a dry, like a guard gate. And after like, I don't know, a few days in the neighborhood, one of the neighbors, I don't know, I think I saw like a crazy car. I was like, that's crazy as car. He's like, yeah, it's probably, and he says like a celebrity.

And I go, oh, they live here. He goes, do you know who lives in this neighborhood? We're like, no. He goes, oh, and he starts naming like athletes, actors. Then he goes, Kim and Kanye. I go, they live here? He was like, yeah. And he goes, yeah, you'll see her walking around.

I go, that's wild. And then whatever a week to go by, there's a, there's a public, there's a playground within the gated community. And I go up there and I remember I took Ellis, he's like five, six months old. And I sit him down and a nanny, she's wearing like scrubs, comes over and she was like, oh, how old is he? And I go, he's six months. And she goes, so is he.

And I go, oh, she goes, what's his name? And I go, it's Ellis. What's his name? She goes, Saint. And I immediately, I was like, nah, I didn't react though. You know, yeah, big old cheeks on this cute little baby. And then they would play. Yeah.

And then I'd know, I was like, oh, and then I see a guy standing there in black with the security security. Well, that came later. So they had had that horrible robbery happen in Paris. That was after. And then the security guard would show up at the playground. The first time I took him to Paris robbery was way after that. But I don't remember the guy with the earpiece until I thought that was a newer

thing, because I think originally it was the nanny in him. And I would see Saint with different nannies. Well, I only saw him with one and she was very. So old school, like she was was she Caribbean? She had this great accent. Yeah, St. T. So St. T. Come here.

There was a Jamaican one. Yeah. There was a Jamaican. And she was always feeding them, you want your baby, mom, mom. And then Ellis, she introduced us to baby, mom, mom. Also, uh, Tyga Tyga was up there all the time. Yeah, yeah, Tyga. Yeah, that was such a crazy change from being like, hey, can you take your clothes

out of the washer? So like, oh, Kanye is going to come. It was crazy, but I also remember a point where Ellis was playing with St. And there was the guy with the earpiece and he was really nice. I'm not saying the guard was nice, but I thought to myself like, they always looked at me like, why are you here? Like the dad, the moms and the dads. Yeah.

Well, because like I said, I, yeah, anyway, there was a point where I thought, oh, this is weird. Like I, I don't want Ellis growing up thinking it's normal to have like security guards watching you play. And so I'm glad we left. Yeah, try to be more normal. Yeah. So that was that crazy thing.

And then we moved to another house with neighbors with, uh, well, there was just the shirtless, that's not that crazy. No, there was a guy that would check his mail shirtless every morning. And there was a lady who put notes through the. Always with the notes. There's always crazy people. That was kind of like, what's this? Like, is there a piece of paper in the bushes and you pick it up and it's like,

hey, and it's a letter from a neighbor. And it was like, I can't get mail if you park where you park. And like, I park in my driveway. Where I live, like real crazy notes. Now it was wild. Yeah. You know, it was kind of fun about our old house, the, the, the one we just moved from is, um, cause all the, we had fruit trees in the backyard and it would attract

rats and then getting to kill those rats was kind of cool. Like I had the rat trap guy come out. No, no, no, no, not like that, but like, um, I remember one time, like, like Feef would come running up with like a dead rat in his mouth and I'd be like, yeah, dog. Like I liked finding them in the backyard, dead and all stiff. And then I found a lot of them. And now we're moving again.

I know what's wrong with us. I don't want to move anymore, Tommy. This is it, right? This is it. No, no, babe. I can't move the kids again. Oh, we're moving again. Oh, yes we are.

Where are we going to go after? In a couple of years, we'll move to Miami and then we'll move to New York. And then we're going to move back to LA. And then we finally will settle down in Hong Kong. Where am I going to get my plastic surgery and stuff? Oh, we'll come back here for that. Yeah, I don't do that anywhere else. This is where they do it best.

What a stroll down memory lane, Jeans. I know. We've been through a lot of places and phases together, man. And now this new Austin, this whole new Tejas. I can't tell you though, as much as Angelino, as I am in my heart for real though, I'm feeling ready. I'm ready to embrace Tejas. I'm ready to embrace barbecue.

I'm ready to say y'all. Are you going to say y'all? It's going to be, yeah, but I say y'all already. Oh, yeah, because you're from Hickory. You've been there. I've been saying y'all. I've been saying y'all. Well, you say y'all.

Like when I move there. Do you think you will? Probably not. You're not going to say how y'all doing? I don't think so. Like, I mean, I was raised by two Israeli parents. So I already say like some English words a little weird. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah. Like you say one instead of one. So let's go into here's the big titted challenge. These every week they keep, they keep pouring in. These are fun. It's your turn to take the dog out, you big titted animal. OK, no. It's a cute dog.

Yeah, no, no, not having it. I love it. Yeah, I almost done ordering the food, you big titted animal. What the fuck are you doing? Can I tell you why I love these so much? Is that the stakes are so high for the men doing these challenges? You feel the gravity. You can really piss off.

Yeah, this can go really wrong for a guy. Yeah. And it looks like this was on the verge of going really wrong. Yeah. Yeah, she was not having that. Those are my favorite ones. Yeah, coming big titted animal. Sorry.

He's going to be a big titted animal. Yeah. Are you filming with it? What did she say? I don't know. I'm coming big to them. Sorry. Sorry.

He's going to be a big titted animal. Yeah. Are you filming with it? Are you filming with that? I don't know. Are you filming me? Oh, filming me. Wow, I love when the Brits do it.

It's so much better. I know. That accent is fantastic. I'm going to take you far to go get dinner. All right. Big titted animal. What? Big titted animal. Where'd you just go?

A big titted animal. A big titted animal? Yeah. I'm a big tits. I think they're fine. They're not big. I think they're big enough. OK, well then big enough titted animal.

She's got big slops. Those are good. Those are nice. Yeah. She had a good personality. She had a good personality. This one, you're going to list the special one for you. You ready?

OK. Oh, another galeen. The like melly are a lot. Hungarian. I couldn't hear it because there's music. Yeah. Oh, another galeen. The like melly are a lot.

Where's my breakfast, you big titted animal? Hold on, another galeen. I can't understand what she's saying. Yeah. He says, where's my breakfast, you big titted animal? I can't understand what she's mumbling. Yeah. What are you doing, you big titted animal?

Hi, Tom. Hi, Christina. Here's your snack. I watched the show too, fuckface. Fuckface. Oh, shit. That is so great. That is Art and Amanda, the other one.

The Hungarians are Oliver and Leela. I wish I understood. Leela said back. There was Brody and Brittany, Miles and Naomi, Ronnie in the car and Bailey and Shane. I can't believe, so Bailey knew who we were. No, no, no. The last one.

No, that's Art and Amanda. Amanda knew. Amanda knew. She's like, I listened to the show too, you fuckface. Yeah. What are you doing there? Fuckface. God, that was funny.

You're seeing this? We're both hilarious. You are. Right in your Mormon riding his bike down the stairs? Stupid. Shoot. Shoot. Fucking nerds.

Just say shit. Shit. Oh, my God. Babe, I was watching the clip of the woman getting her back cracked from last week. I was dying. She's so brutalized in that. Guess what?

We have an update. Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. Yep. We got one more to go right here. You okay right there, Lorraine? Okay. There it is.

Beautiful. So what's up, everybody? This is No Pain Lorraine. You remember her? She's alive. You well? You healthy? You happy?

Yes. They think my adjustment killed you. Really? Yeah? Isn't that crazy? Yeah. Because he got so much traction. And I'm not saying from the internet.

It went viral, you know? Oh, okay. Like even on his TikTok, that video had like 11 million views after a couple of days. I think his Lorraine's tongue habit. Oh, yeah. I think so too. I think if she was like, ah, yeah.

A little more movement here, you know, a little less resistance from the right trap and tissue. Old people, stop. They're so frail. They're so frail. She looks so scared when it happens. Man, why is it so funny to hear old people getting adjusted? Oh, oh, it's so funny.

Poor lady. Ow! Feels good? You good? Just like Amazon Prime. Good, good, huh? Good movement there, huh? Yeah.

Man, what's his line? He's like, all healing takes time and this ain't Amazon Prime. She's like... He's like, you're good? Yeah. Is that good? You're better? God.

Wait, what do you think of the bike ride? Well, that's hilarious because that guy's an idiot. He should have known better. That's fine. Yeah. It's not like a kid. That guy was old and he's obese. Here's another one.

He shouldn't be doing that. No, the bike guy? Wasn't he obese? No, no. Oh, he just looks fat. Okay. Well, maybe he could suck Fed Smoker's cock. All right.

120 pounds. You gotta be. You know how hard it is personally? I was 120 pounds when I was 18 years old. Maybe. You know how fucking hard it was for me? Yeah. I was 120 in fifth grade.

Here we go. Ready? You gotta watch, man. Hold on. I'm gonna end up. Well, if you did it for me, I wouldn't have to fucking do it. God, how do you like your life? Tom and I, just so you know, Tom and I have been doing this thing where we snap at each

other. Yeah. It's a joke between us, so don't get scared, okay? Sometimes. Here we go. God. Fuck. I don't like that.

I don't like that. I don't like skateboarders getting high. God damn. I'm gonna watch that again. Fuck. No. And they're not wearing any pads or anything. That reminds me of the guy in the train, the guy hit by the train, because he goes flying

too. Remember that? Yep. He's flying just as far as each other. His body. A lot less blood in this one, though. You gotta see this video. No, thank you.

I changed my mind. I don't want to be on the text. You don't want to be on it? I don't. I changed my mind. I don't need to see it. It sticks with me. No, you need to see it.

I can't even handle that Jessica Beale show. What's going on here? Oh. Hey, Parker, you're gonna watch Danny's vacuum? Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Yeah, dogs don't like vacuum cleaners. I don't like this at all.

I don't like it. Okay, can I ask you something? Honestly, how are you not turned on? You're not turned on by that at all? I mean, we have a dog that does the same thing. It's just like... Yeah, so you can do it with your friends. Do you want me to do this, too?

Do I have to get cat ears and dog ears and paws put on now? I mean... Are we doing pup play? It's not sexual. That's kind of cool. I kind of like it. How about you be the dog and I vacuum? I'm doing all this other stuff for you.

I'm the one getting my tits done. I'm the one getting my tats. Can you at least pretend to be a dog for me? It requires no surgery. Hello? Nope. No. You don't even love me.

You be the dog. Hey, do you remember this video from a few weeks ago? Oh, you little bastard. You want to challenge my pack? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why hate to say this, but I'm not the alpha that you want to challenge. Uh-oh. Because my true alpha is right there.

So if you want to challenge one of us, you have to go through all of us. Oh, God. Very cool. It's like these nerds watch these nerd cartoons. Is this like a nerd superhero thing? Go through us. You got to go through us.

Chris, you watch this nerd stuff. Isn't this like nerd culture? Isn't this a reference to some Hentai or something? What is this shit called? The anime that he watches? Yeah. Isn't this like a you go through me, you go through all of us in the wolf pack?

No. This is just stupid people. Yeah, this is not. Oh, I mean, okay. So do you want to see an update from that? Of course. I live for this. Okay.

Here's the update from the same guy. One thing I'm going to say right now is that these dress comments need to stop. Oh. Immediately. Because my Hentai wardrobe involves work shirts, work pants, and military issued stature boots.

So I suggest you knock it all off about me wearing dresses and having them in my wardrobe because I don't. Nor I have any plans to buy more because I only have one dress in my house that I keep locked up because it's my wife's wedding dress.

And that is it. Enough is enough. I am tired of seeing my comments being blown up every day. He is. Try owning your dress like this color of a dress. Enough.

There's a lane that we've seen a few times where it's the person who, like, how can you think that you can dictate comments? It is the craziest thing. I automatically go like, oh, you're going to see a lot more of those comments. Yeah, it's going to elicit more.

And not only that, like, let's say someone does leave you a shitty comment. You threatening them is not going to change their decision on you. Yeah. Like, it's not going to help. No, of course. And also, hold on.

Is this Stollen Valor? He's like, I wear... Military issued stature boots. Yeah, I'm pretty clear he's not. My thought was like, oh, fuck, this guy was in the military? I don't think so. He totally could have been.

You don't know. I think he thinks he is or was. He thinks he's G.I. Joe. He's not. You never know. I don't know what he's doing. You really never know. This guy's on his own.

Yeah. He's doing his own thing and stuff like that. He's doing his own thing. I don't think... I don't think the military would take him. I don't know. People are saying that this... What's on his neck?

Is it a dragon or a lizard or something? It's just a cool fucking pendant. What's wrong with you? It's a cool chain. Would you wear a cool amulet? I mean, I had a fucking black onyx necklace with black diamonds, so yeah. Not that. I want you to wear like a nerd thing like that.

With like a... Please, like a dragon claw holding a... Remember, like I used to go to the psychic eye bookshop with a teenager and you buy like the dragon claw and it holds like... I've been offered crystals and people are like, you need to come get some crystals. You need to get... Why aren't you getting your crystals? You got to sort out your energy.

And I'm like, I don't think you know who you're talking to. Do you not want to balance your energy? Yeah. Do you need to wear... Okay, will you wear a crystal necklace? Really? Yeah, yeah, those right there.

Those are pretty cool. You can get a crystal necklace subscription and then every month you're different birth stones. But first of all, if you wear those, Please. You can never wear a shirt. Those are for shirtless guys only, you know? Yeah. Now you're talking.

Yes. If I start wearing crystals, you'll know that I can make a fire from nothing. I don't wear shirts anymore. And I think I've gotten deeply into, you know... Tantra. The tantra of the spiritual life. You're into... Hold on.

If you're wearing... Reflexology. Reflexology. With strangers. Or how are you feeling right now? You're definitely into men's groups where you orgasm together. Yeah. You're not sexual.

You're breathing. You're breathing. You're breath work. Breath work. And allow the crystals to open your chakras. Yeah. Yeah, you start saying things about chakras. Do you think a lady ever...

What kind of lady's drawn to a guy who's like, How my breath work is really... Yeah. Okay. I think women who... Who bathe in their menstrual blood. Yeah. No, here's the deal.

I think that those guys, there's a lot that are really sensitive. Yeah. Like in San Francisco, there's a lot of breath work guys and crystal magic guys. Yeah. Oh, and you have to have a lot of bracelets too. Yeah. They love string bracelets. They do love it.

And they're sensitive. They're, you know... Sure. So that's what you want. But so the woman that's into that is definitely more natural. She probably wears recyclable, reusable menstrual pads. She uses a menstrual cup. She washes her hair with sandalwood shampoo.

She's definitely vegan. And you're going to have to go vegan too to be with her. She definitely has armpit hair. Definitely doesn't shave her pits. No. No. Gross. Yeah.

So chicks with the hairy pits, they love to take pictures with their arms up. She leads with a point of personal privilege. Always. Yeah. Hair, armpit hair privilege. Do you think this looks like... What about people that can't grow armpit hair? God, be mindful.

Do better. Do you think this looks like me? Welcome to Russia by Tvashi. I love it. That's me and Bert. I love this. Welcome to Russia, you fucking pussy. Ten below.

I know. Jesus. Celsius. Yeah. That's even more than Fahrenheit. He didn't give a fuck. He just sat in the snow. Oh yeah.

With a bear. They jump in the fucking ice water. Yeah. Oh yeah, with a bear. The Russians are crazy. Amazing. Russians are fucking crazy. Yeah.

Fucking crazy. Crazy. Well, you know, we haven't had like a real crazy guy in a while. Oh. A new? Yeah. You don't mind if I film you, do you? All right.

Don't take a shit. Yeah, well, I just got out of the shower. I got you. Okay. Now, I just called the police. Listen to me. Listen to me first. No, let me talk first.

Let Anderson Anderson. I'm famous. I'm famous. I'm YouTube famous. I'm YouTube famous. Let me see the pretty girl. The pretty girl cop. I don't want to see an ugly man cop.

The pretty. That's a dude. Oh my God. You look like a woman. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Crazy.

Where did you guys find this? YouTube. It was submitted. I get, I get so nervous talking back to law enforcement. Like that? Yeah. I'm talking first. Crazy.

Can't they just know? I didn't mean that. No, I didn't. Are you accusing me of being homosexual? No. But if I am homosexual, is there anything wrong with that? Are you sure about that? There's a kill all the Jews and you remember Ralph Fiennes in that movie, the Steven Spielberg

movie? Which one? You know what I'm talking about. You know. Schindler's List. You look like the guy who shoots the Jews. He wakes up in the morning and he shoots the Jews who aren't working hard enough on the constant.

I'm Johnny Bravo, man. Johnny Bravo. Where are you from again? Germany? Johnny Bravo, man. You know, fucking. Berlin? It is, it is wild to start, to start talking to cops like that.

And they're outside your door. Fuck. That is actually point of personal privilege here. Oh my gosh. Only a white guy could get away with this shit, man. I'm talking to you. All right. You fucking Nazi?

It is crazy. Crazy town. Crazy, dude. I just called the police and told you on a check because they'd been threatening to kill each other through the ceiling and yelling at me and banging on the door and I could just earlier, there were two police officers that came here and they said by law, they do not have to identify their name and badge number. No, I have to.

Well, then how come on the internet, huh? He is exhausting. It's almost like, you know, the great thing about the Fedsmoker clips is that they're so short. Yeah. Like you can't watch him for minutes. I know. You need like 30 seconds.

I want to see the cops mace this guy. I know. I actually kind of want to see it kind of go further than that. Same. Well, and they're being really nice to him and like they're actually humoring him because the camera's on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like just fucking, just how is this?

Here's the best though, right? You have a fake dick. Shut the door. He just shut the door in my face and tried to hurt me. You just tried to push the door in my face. He just shut the door in my face and tried to bust it in my nose. Look, they're running from me again. Are you running from me?

Are you running from me, Mr. Nazi? Bye bye, Nazi. Have fun thinking about killing Jews while you jack off. We at YMH have found a new hero. They come along every now and then. This guy's going to be so entertaining. Do we have more? I hope not.

I don't want to watch him ever again. Oh, I'm excited. I'm intrigued. I want to know what other trouble he's going to get himself into. This is just the beginning of something really good. I don't think so. Dude, you don't get it. I don't get it.

Is he on meth? I don't like him at all. Because what is it? Dr. Drew says meth goes to the police. Cocaine runs away. That's exactly right. But this guy, I'm thinking mental. I'm thinking this is mania.

Oh. I think that this is... I mean, it could be drugs too, but I think he's... Drugs are mental illness. Yeah. I'm going to go drugs. It's real crazy too when you see something. Because this usually ends actually with someone getting hurt by the police.

You're trying to provoke and say shit like that. That's not going to end well for you usually. He's lucky. Here's why I'm going to go drugs and not mental illness. Usually with mental illness, you hear a lot of stuff like... And the number 99 and there's dragons in the walls. And the red... The white chariots.

He's just doing like, yeah, you want to fucking fight me? Which is meth talk. Maybe. Like he's fucking bitch. Yeah, he's fucking Nazi. I feel like he's super lucky to be alive. Oh my God. That guy's really...

And I really hate him. I really, really hate him. So do I. Yeah. God. Can I take a pitch before we go any further? Sure. And you peed.

I did. I pushed really hard. Are you supposed to push hard every time you go? Doctors recommend that you do whenever you pee or poop. I swear I do. They always say to grab onto the side of the bowl. Pretend like you have moments to live and push as hard as you can. I do every time I pee and I know it's not good for me.

That's probably why you're doing well. You're doing good. Yeah. Well, fuck. I don't care. Do you push when you pee? Is that just a girl thing? No, I usually just let it kind of...

Do it your thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. With your penis privilege. With my penis privilege, yeah. Yeah. So much spur on it.

All right. You got some more crazies? Um... What you got for me? Cigarette? Oh. I haven't seen this one. Let's see what this guy's all about.

COVID, COVID out here. Everybody's died. You know what? This is too crazy. Let's... Oh, wow. I want to cleanse the palate with something fine. You want to do TikToks?

Okay. This is something sweet right here. You ready? I think this is... Maybe this does come from a TikTok. This is a French dad with an English-speaking daughter and she's having him say English words that he can't pronounce. Oh, I love that.

It's sweet. Foreign stuff. It's a nice cleanse... Survey. ...from crazy, okay? Sure. Sure. Words, my friends.

That's going to pronounce. Okay. This camera. Car. Water. Full. Purple. This is going to pronounce.

French name. Really? Particular routine. Eighty. Puckers. Crocodiles. Turbulates. That's it.

It's sweet. That's a door. You can't say those words. My dad could never say, he would say biscuit instead of biscuit. My mom would say alufoilia for aluminum foil. It's crispy outside. Oh, and she would say fuck ass. So you'd say fuck ass, which is not even a word.

No one really says fuck ass. I like fuck ass. What do your Israeli parents say? There was, let's see. I mean, I said mango wrong for the longest time. I'd call it mango. Oh, because you're... Yeah.

Yeah. And I wouldn't realize. I extra pronounce like G at the end of words, end in I and G. I didn't even realize that was wrong until like two years ago. You would pronounce what? The G at the end of like say like, oh, I'm walking to the store. Walking. I've been called out multiple times for pronouncing that last G.

You mean as opposed to... As opposed to just saying walking. Walking. Walking. Walking. Walking. I really pronounce it. Oh, you really hit the G?

Yeah, multiple people have hit me up. They're like, you're saying it weird. I'm like, I'm from Los Angeles. This is how we say it. Yeah. And then other Angelinas are like, that's not how we say it. Because people called me out for making that G sound like a K. I'll say walking.

Yeah, that is weird. No, yeah, that's a foreign parent thing. Yeah, that's weird. Great. But how are you supposed to say it? Walking. Walking. Walking.

Walking. What are you going to sneeze? Don't say anything to everybody. You did it. You just did it. Thanks. What the fuck is wrong with you? Why would you do that if you know it upsets me?

What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm going to do something that I hope pisses you off. I love you. You already did. No, I'm going to do something to try to ruin your day today. Was I supposed to do ignore it? Yes. This is what your face looks like though.

I look over and you go. Right, because I want to sneeze and you just fucked it up. So what should I have done? Nothing. What should I have done? Just keep talking and stop and watch it. Yes. You already know this.

You already know this. Should I stop and just watch you like that? No, just fucking keep talking. God damn it. Did you fucking fart? No. God. I didn't fart.

Did you fucking fart? You ruined my day. I hope you have a bad day today and the rest of this week. Okay. Are you going to see her shrink this week or what's going on? I heard you bitches were looking for me. I have to fart. I wish I had a fart mic.

So I guess this needs to be said too. All you people that think Biden is the president, you guys cannot get no stupider. Okay. He's not in the White House. It's closed down. He is on a movie set. You guys are so freaking ignorant that I just have to laugh, laugh, laugh because you're not hurting my feelings.

Never one time did Trump ever have to fake anything he's done, not one time. He don't fake shit. Why is Biden faking he's in the White House? Oh, because he's not your president. Wake the fuck up. How dumb can you be? You're so dumb. You realize?

You're the dumbest people I've ever met in my life. God, she just changed my life. Wow. I didn't realize Biden was fake. This country is full of people like this. I know. It's mostly full of people like this. It's really insane.

There's like, this is not like five people like this. No. There's a few million people who are like, yeah, definitely. Just you know, I did fart. Sorry, I wanted to clarify that before we go. I just full disclosure, to be honest with you. How are you getting home? I don't know.

I forgot my phone today, so I can't even call an Uber. I'll call you one. Because you're not riding with me. Hold on. I've got a large fry and a sweet and sour sauce. I'm linking. I got a large fry and a sweet and sour sauce. Hi, I'm Ian.

I've got a poor diet and sweet and sour cum. I just went. I guess that's a thing now. The kids are getting their French fries and their sweet and sour sauce. I like his response to that. He's duetting the stupidity of these French fry and sour sauce things. So I was thinking tonight, and I'm angry. And the issue is that women are fucking stupid.

Like literally, if you think about it, we could have just kept our mouths shut, and we wouldn't have to work 40 hours a week. 40 plus hours a week. When I was a single mom, I wasn't on salary. I wasn't making that much. Honey, I was working in fucking 80 hours a week. I don't want to do that shit. I'd rather have the man working eight hours a week.

I'll stay at home, raise my kids, maintain a homestead. This is ridiculous, women. This is our own fault. If you could have just kept your damn mouth shut from talking about the right to work, we'd be fine. Unless I'm talking about the right to work. That is a big ass responsibility, women. I don't want that responsibility.

I want to stay home. I don't want to work out. I want to watch my baby. I want to take care of the house. I will cook. I will clean. Honey, I will be on my knees every night blowing you up. I don't understand why everyone was a fucking stupid idiot.

She's right. She's a cool girl club. She is super cool. We need a riff for the cool girl club. Yeah, she's pretty rad. That was a really cool check. She's super cool. She took it to voting, too.

I was like, damn. Voting, and she's like, oh man. She doesn't want to work, which I don't blame her. Oh, blame her. She's grinding out 80-hour weeks. I mean, goddamn. It's a lot. It is a lot.

She's like, why do we have to fucking work? You can also find a guy who will let you just stay home. Oh, yeah. Like you have a choice to do. Of course. You just need to fucking level up. Find someone. Yeah.

Level up. Hello, everyone. I want to know what is your favorite cereal? Your favorite cereal. Minor corn flakes. So let me know what your favorite cereal is. This is terrifying. I didn't think that that question could scare me, but it did.

This is Disco Bob, and he's got some other interesting videos, too, where he highlights the special Oreos he bought from Walmart. What a boring choice, too. He's like, minor corn flakes. It's so boring. That's so fucking boring. But he's really this nice, and I've done a deep dive on his posts, and they're all very innocent.

They're like, he guys want to see me dance in my garage. He's really sweet. I don't like him. Yeah, I know. Those of you who are watching this TikTok video, I must have something serious to say. You are not allowed to meet up with any user who you may meet on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter, or even on YouTube. This is against the social media rules.

I may tend to get some of that, but I don't have to meet up if I don't want to. The choice is mine. I am an adult, and I can choose to stay at home and obey the rules or go out and disobey the rules, because if I do, my parents will be very disappointed in me. And this is the number one serious video that I'm making on TikTok, just to inform everybody to stay clear of anybody who you may think is trying to trick you. Oh. Wow, he's got some Potter lenses on his face, huh?

Yeah. Those things are... Wait, but did you know... Magnifying those eyes. Did you know it was against the rules to meet people from TikTok, Facebook, Instagram? Yeah. I didn't know it was against the rules. I didn't know that either.

He told us that, though. Because his parents will be very upset if you... How old is he? I don't know, maybe 17. Doesn't he seem old enough to choose to go out if he wants to? Yeah. This just found its way into your... Yeah.

Jesus. Well, he usually makes funny talks, but this is his one serious talk, and I thought the people listening could really... What are his funny ones like? There's just impressions of stuff and songs and things, stuff like that. I cannot believe you fucking sit through this shit. Hi. How is everybody's day doing?

Good. I would like to have some more followers, especially all you single-latents. Comment, follow, especially comment and more followers. Definitely. Okay. That's where it cuts off? That's where it cuts off, but go to the next one and you'll notice something really neat. Oh, that's not him.

No. It's not there. You guys distilled it. Okay. Because they're all... This guy literally did about 20 of the same exact message, but in different locations. Same thing. The same thing.

He goes, he goes, hi, how are you guys doing? Good. I just want to know, I want some more followers. If you could like and comment, that would be great, especially the lady. And he does it exactly the same, but in different places. I thought that was unique. Shut the fuck up when cops ask questions. Look, see, that's the rear view mirror.

If you hang shit from it, like air freshener or anything, that's a vehicle code violation. Cop will pull you over. Stop. I didn't know that. Did you know that? I did not know that. So he's an attorney. And I usually have like 40 air fresheners hanging from my room.

You've seen those people. So he's telling you how not to get pulled over. Yeah, he's always like, shut the fuck up. That's his shirt. Yeah. Hashtag shut the fuck up. I didn't know that you could get pulled over just for that. I didn't know either.

Do you still have your high school graduation tassels? Yeah, of course. It's one of my biggest accomplishments. 96. I think it's so funny when people are like, I graduated high school. Yeah. No shit. Everybody's stupid.

The fuck, man. Do you get a water bill too? That's pretty impressive. Do you not wear your high school ring anymore? Yeah, no. I took it off. I'm having diamonds added to it. What if I insist that I'm trying to?

By the way, I realized the privilege involved with saying that graduating high school is no big deal. And that some people are like, I come from a community where, you know, a lot of people and I'd like to stop right now and address this, that that was very insensitive. And that, you know, if you are the first high school graduate in your family, that it's certainly commendable and, you know, maybe time to grow the fuck up and realize that it's not a big deal. Point of personal privilege, Tom.

Okay. Let's move on to the next thing. Hello there. Stop. Drop and roll. I love, I love him. So this guy is such a joy on TikTok. He's got a million followers now.

And I'd like to congratulate myself for discovering him when he was very new. His whole thing is dressing in different outfits and saying hello bitch and doing these different scenarios, act amounts. I love his fashion. I love his attitude. I love everything about him. What? What?

I don't understand. What could you not like about hello bitch? What's the, what's his handle? I have to, I can't remember offhand. You have to look at it at Brandon. Brandon. I don't know. He's fantastic.

Fantastic. Like really just a good talent. Bringing joy. My prediction on the TikTok world, much like dog face 420, the cranberry juice drinking guy on the skateboard. Hello bitch is going to blow up next. He's got that kind of potential to completely transform. Oh, it's Aaron Techner.

At Aaron Technor. A-A-R-O-N-T-I-C-H-E-N-O-R. I think he's talented as shit. He's going to blow up next. Congratulations Aaron on your million followers. Yeah. He's doing the Lord's work on there. Don't compliment that bitch.

You giving her value. Don't compliment that bitch. Yeah. Don't tell her nothing. Don't open on, don't do nothing. Yeah. You think the arrogant asshole, the pookie and Ray Ray give her compliments? Fuck that bitch.

They don't give her compliments. That's why she's going fucking to seek their validation. The second you give a girl a compliment, her pussy get dried in the motherfucker. Stop complimenting them bitches. You fucking nice guys. Damn. This shit is simple. This is not rocket science, fellas.

This is not rocket science. Stop calling a girl all the time. Stop texting a girl all the time. Act like you got 100 goddamn women at your back and call. They have dated enough guys, every woman has dated enough guys with options to know how they fucking act. I am telling you, any woman who dating me would know that this guy obviously got a lot of options. That's why they sit here. I wish I could show you my text messages.

Text messages. They just pursue me, pursue me, pursue me. Are we seeing each other this weekend? They don't know. This guy's the shit. Yeah. Do you agree? Yeah.

It's a good tactic. Well, here's the thing. It's one of those things where I go, he's right, but it is kind of toxic advice. You know what I mean? He's right. He's right. But he's also right for a certain type of woman. Right?

Yeah. It's not for a really good long lasting relationship. If you're talking about a girl that exactly where you go, like, I want to be like somebody who you go. She's, you know, whatever. Interesting and smart and funny and witty and like the full package. I don't think that you want to like not, you know, but if you're talking about hookup stuff, then his tactic is correct. Yeah.

I think you're right. Absolutely. The guy that's just out to get his D. Trying to get laid. His advice is spot on. It is. Yeah. This is just player stuff.

It's player stuff. You're just playing. This is how you play. Right. Because you're always way more attractive in the dating world when you're, when you're aloof and mysterious like Jackie O'Nassis. It's true. I think that's what he's saying.

But I don't know. There's, there's also a lot like there's a line of like when it becomes not worth it. Right? What do you mean? If someone's too aloof. Oh, it's the nuts. Yeah. They don't like you.

Yeah. Yeah. So I mean. But I just remember back when I was single. I mean. Do you feel like that? Eat them off with a stick. Yeah.

But do you feel that working as a woman? How do you feel about the compliment part? Because there is like a line for that, right? You want to compliment. Yeah. Here's the deal. Here's what, here's how it goes. You don't want him complimenting you until you've decided.

That you like him. That you like him. Yeah. The guy who leads with the compliment, it immediately you're kind of like, mmm, that's kind of a pussy dryer. Yeah. Just because it's, it is kind of a beta move. Yeah.

Gosh, you're so. You're so pretty. Oh shit. That's why you came to talk to me because you obviously are attracted to me. You don't need to tell me that. And not only that, it's kind of not, it's a weak thing. I'm not responsible for how I look. It's not something I did.

Right. So it's like a stupid compliment. Well. Women are fucking stupid. Yeah. You got to remember that. Like I would rather a guy come up to me and compliment something that is an intrinsic value that I actually.

Yes. Don't compliment that bitch. Yeah. That I actually have. You know? Right. Oh, I heard that thing you said on that podcast or I like how you think. I like how you speak.

That's exciting. I like how you write. Yeah. Yeah. But if someone just being like, your eyes. You're hot. You're like, so what? Yeah.

I didn't do that. That's not mine. Right. Right. Interesting. Yeah. It is fucking crazy. I mean, he is.

He's right. He's spot on. He's right. It's so negative. It does work. When I was a younger girl, there were guys that would pull this aloof shit on you and it is hot. It is.

It's immediately alluring because you're like, oh, he doesn't give a fuck about me. Every other guy on the planet is telling me how cute I am. Right. Why is he not interested in me? And then it makes you interested in them. Right. So he's right. Again, I say this.

But how would the guy do it? When I was 20, that was exciting. Right. And then you grow up and you're like, oh, that guy's damaged. How would he be aloof to you, though? So when all the other guys are giving you so much attention, like saying how pretty you are, you're right. Like maybe you're at a party and he's going to ignore you in the beginning.

Yeah. Yeah. Not coming up to you. He does not come up to you. Maybe yeah. Like he'll walk away as you're talking to him and not be like super interested. And then you're like, oh, right. And then you're like, wow.

And he's not trying to like get your number or like be all up in your fucking shit. Yeah. Like he might not call right away. That's another thing. He might give it a minute. Now I say call because the last time I was single was a million years ago. I mean, now it's like text. He won't just right away.

Yeah. You know what made my dick soft one time is that I went on a date with this girl and it was a good day and I liked her and she as I left was texting me. Eager beaver. I was like, it's gross. We just made out and now you're like, I got to see you again. Huh? Too much.

It was too soon for too much. That's the other thing. Too much. Once you've got the wheels going, it's fine. It's different. You guys are going. You're in love. The courting stuff?

The courting stuff? Yeah. It needs to be a little. You need to be a little like. Little finesse to it. Little bit of finesse. Yeah. Also, you can tell when a girl likes you.

You know, I think can't men tell? Can you tell when a girl? Sometimes we're dumb. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes you think you, you know, I mean like, because it can be subtle. Here's the thing though. These guys that are player.

Okay. So I'm trying to think of the guys in my million years ago who I thought were cute. Okay. The guy that's a player that can do this usually has tons of girls in his rotation. Yes. And then you know that he's a player and he has a lot of girls. So you know you're trying to get his attention because he fucks a lot. Yeah.

That's that's that dynamic has to be there first. Yeah. Like this guy. He definitely fucks. He's like, I wish I could show you my text messages, man. Yeah. Don't compliment that bitch. Yeah.

So if he's that guy who's got all these rotation, the girl that's attracted that knows already. Yeah. So you're you're into being ignored. But he is definitely giving good. Oh, his handle is alpha male something. Alpha male strategies. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Okay. Strategies. I love that there's a lane of this. Yeah. That there's a bunch of guys like, let me tell you how to talk to a bitch, man. Yeah. So aggressive. Not wrong.

It's not wrong. It's not wrong. Yeah. I wish this would have been my big brother, you know, when I was in middle school. Hey, man. Stop feeling sorry for that bitch. It's true. You know the best way is at least what happened to me back in the day is to make friends with

the girl that that friends is with like in those circles so that when you socialize like on his Friday night, there's a party that you're in her vicinity, but you're not like up her twat. And then eventually you get introduced normally. Yeah. That's true. You don't want to tear apart her pussy lips. What did you say?

Oh, God. You tear her twat apart. God. I had smoker, man. That was so cool that we got that gift today. I know. Yeah. There's him twat lips to pieces.

Gee, he sounds like a pirate. So cool. Yeah. He should have done cartoons. You might cry because you can't have my talk, ladies. Yeah. He, oh, this was the best one. I just suck on my chocolate a little bit just because I'm a good sport.

He's a good sport. He's a good sport. That's if you're over 120. 120. He's the man. Love you, fed smoker. Rest in peace. Connell.

All right. We got to wrap it up. Hopefully we'll see you on Friday at the live show. OMG. We're super excited about the live show. livestream.ymhstudios.com to get your tickets. I highly recommend, listen, everybody goes there at showtime. A lot of people.

You have a chance if you plan on watching it, get your ticket beforehand. You won't have to deal with any of the traffic of people arriving all at the same time. And yes, you can see it for an entire week. So if you want to watch after the live stream, you give it like a couple hours to reprocess. They upload it again and you can watch it for a whole week. But if you want to see it live, like I said, goes down on Friday. 6pm Pacific time. Great guests.

It's going to be a great show. Anything else, Jean? No, I love you. Love you too. I'm sorry I ruined your sneeze. That's okay. Do you forgive me? Yeah, I forgive you.

You put out later. All right. Here's a, you think you're tough? In parentheses, I deserve a stake by odd track numbers. See you next week.