Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 598 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: April 7, 2021

Did you miss the 4th episode of YMH LIVE?! You still have a chance to watch it for a limited time only! Just go to https://livestream.ymhstudios.com now to get access to the craziest YMH LIVE yet! SPONSORS: - Go to https://Watchgang.com/YMH and use code YMH for 20% off your first purchase - Visit https://mudwtr.com/ymh to support the show and use code YMH at check out for $5 off. - Go to https://hellotushy.com/YOURMOM get 10% off your order and FREE shipping - Get 20% off and free shipping at https://Manscaped.com/MOM - Go to https://www.expressvpn.com/YOURMOM to get an extra three months of ExpressVPN for free - Go to https://Whoop.com and use code "Yourmom" for 15% off - Head over to https://Revtown.com/YMH to upgrade your denim game today! - Go to https://keeps.com/MOM to receive your first month of treatment for free. WELCOME TO LUCIFER'S LAIR!! This week, Tom Segura and Christina P recap YMH Live 4, watch audience reactions to the heavy segment, discusses public defecation and Disneyland debauchery, and take a look at guys in tight biker shorts. They watch videos of Fedsmoker talking to an extremely patient cop, a PSA about weight bias, an insane Russian marriage proposal, some "Horrible or Hilarious" videos, and, of course, Christina's TikTok curations.

Hey guys, if you missed it live, you can still watch YMH live for right now head to livestream.ymhstudios.com to see the wildest and funniest show we have done yet. I just like to see dicks. If somebody showed you outlines of boobs, don't you just like any boobs? I guess, I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying, but I thought you would want like a fucking hog in one, you know? Of course, that's what I'm looking for, I'm hog hunting. Maybe I'll...

Welcome to Lucifer's Glare, your host Robin Paul Champagne here. You all know my juice by now, but I guess I guess the new ones want to call and come over and fuck the shit out of me. 917-353-2913 I bought something out they wanted to be bought out, but didn't want to board it out. It's falling apart because they don't want to fix it, they're lazy and they don't want to do it. Oh, come now. I didn't care for a new game until they did. 2, 2, 2, 2, let me double it.

Yeah, ready for the hog quiz. Da, da, da, da, red flagged it. Da, da, da, da, da, da, red flagged it. Stroke it like dick, man. Fucking Nick, man. Yeah, they call it phone. Okay, let me smoke some cars. Okay, my mother when I was a teen used to sit and read important books to me.

We had fun. Way to go RPC, we're proud of you man. That was awesome, please put up more videos like that. I mean, look, I have to tell you though, his videos have gotten better. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, baby, oh, oh, I can't hold. The horniness is at a fever point and he can't take it anymore. Now he's resorted to just ejaculating in front of people because he can't take his horniness anymore. Yeah, I totally get it.

He's pleaded, he's begged, he's put it out there and now he's just going to masturbate in front of you. Yeah, that's a whole mood right there. You've been saying the phrase all morning. I bought something out to want to be brought up but they didn't brought it out. RPC is always inspiring us. For years. The man, I love him. The most iconic person on YMH to date, I would argue.

I would say that that is definitely champagne. Definitely. Come check it out. Go to Cody Island. Cody Island. Such a great man. I've been riding a high since Friday. Friday, same here.

I think that was arguably the best YMH live we've had. No, it was. These things are always subjective so people will agree, disagree, but what I've seen, most people feel the same way. It was. It was awesome. I'll tell you, it felt electric. Let me just say that I think I speak for all of us here and everybody probably at home that it's a real disappointment to see you today. I imagine that you would be disappointed and the staff and the energy is different now that Tina's gone.

Yeah. She was here. I've been bummed out. Yeah. I've noticed that. Your penis has been much limper and you don't look at me as much. What's the point? We'll get into it all here in a moment.

If you miss the live show, you can still watch it through this coming weekend. I'm going to have it extended so through the weekend, go to livestream.ymhstudios.com. Watch YMH live four. We'll go through a whole bunch of stuff that happened on the show here in a moment. Let's get into this here. Oh, the opening clip. Yeah, there's always. This guy's one of my faves.

This is a different guy. Different guy. I think you're really going to like this guy though. He seems cool. Yeah. Well, I don't know about you lad, but I'm sleeping with the fan on tonight, baby. Fucking beaming. Yeah, seems pretty cool.

This shit is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Don't burn when the fuck is there. Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Welcome to your mom's house. That's what I'm talking about. This is just like a chill new kind of cool lane, I thought.

Yeah, we've met him before. Have we? Well, I've seen him on the talk then. Maybe you guys aren't familiar? Oh. He's an alcoholic and he's on TikTok. What? No, I'm serious because he's always like, I went to the pool but strapped went on and

I got to go to work tomorrow. He's a hot mess. He's great. I just thought like it was kind of one of those things that would be fun to go like, you know, it's kind of a throwback to like, what are we seeing here? Are we seeing like a manic episode? Are we seeing maybe someone pop some Adderall just to wake up, you know, just like, what's going on?

Yeah. He definitely has a cool look in his eye. Yep. But he's using his fan, which is what you like to do too, so. Yeah, I don't usually make videos like this. I'm sleeping with the fan on tonight, baby. Okay. Because he actually made this and was like, oh, like people.

Discontent. This is a feeling. This is a cool thing to show people, you know. There's a fan on in my face. The thing is, Tom, I like to see this stuff. You do. Like I follow him and I want to see it too. Well, I don't know about you lad, but I'm sleeping with the fan on tonight, baby.

Fucking beam it. You think he's hammered? Yeah. Really? Because I've seen his other talks and he's always like, I'm hungover. Yeah. I'm going to the pub. That's what you guys do.

I got this point. I got this point. Work hard. Play hard. Live life 365. You know what it is. That's what we do here. That is what we do here, man.

We are riding a hive from Friday. I have been smiling. Me too. All weekend. You and I have just been in the best mood. Well, here's the thing. It was so fun. It was just so fun.

And I think, you know, we work really hard on putting the live shows together. It really is a huge like group effort and from like production, you know, reaching out to people. People know now, but you, you know, if they don't know, you went on a date with the king. Oh my God. It was pretty amazing. You guys? That's on the live show.

We did. Oh, it was wild. I mean, we had Marcus King. They did like such an incredible performance. They did an original song. They did a cover of Warpigs. It was just like, and Krista Stefano, who was just like made for this show. Oh my God.

Some people, I was thinking about it. You know, we've had a lot of funny people as guests on our show. Some people are funny. And then there's people who are funny and it works like it's a perfect marriage on the show. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. So he, his personality, the way.

Sensibility of vibe. Yeah. Yeah. Do you zone in on the stuff that we kind of do. And he was so, so funny. And then, you know, the real, the showstopper, of course, was that you finally did the right thing. And you, you looked respectable for once.

For once. It was my transformation into Tina. Yes. Your new love of your life. And that transformation was over the course of two days. I, it was wild. It was like four hours. I'm still out of cum.

Prosthetics. It's been like a few days and I'm just fully empty. Well, we had to bang in the studio. You guys didn't know this, but when we stopped down and we were all done, Tom and I fucked on the set. Yeah. It's pretty cool. And the couch.

It was pretty cool. It was pretty hot, right? Yeah. You know what? It felt like, if sometimes like when you disrespect a woman, it doesn't feel right. But like, it felt like the right thing to do. Yeah. Because Tina liked that abuse.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I loved it. That's what she leads. I'm like, yeah, I'll go take a shower. But like with Tina, I was like, the fuck are you talking about? Like this is what you earned.

This is what you're all about. She doesn't deserve a shower. No. She doesn't deserve anything. No. And like, you know, I'd never spit in your face, but when you're with Tina, you know, I knew that that would, that's like, that's like blowing you a kiss. Yeah.

You really like that. And did you like finally getting rid of these pathetic hungry tits and getting some real tits on me? Real fucking tits on you. Yeah. You really like those, huh? Mm-hmm. What about the tits on the tits?

Oh, God. You know what's great is that when Chris DiStefano walked in and I was since getting it all done to me and he was like, he didn't recognize me at first and he's like, oh, I love it. He could be, he's like, you're my next baby mama. Yeah, everybody. He's like, this is what I like, Chrissy. I'm like, are you serious? Yeah.

I'm talking like I had knuckle tits that said Tom forever. I had above the eyebrows. Oh, it was perfect. I had everything. You were perfect. Perfect. Yeah. And I have to say that it, like, it was cool that I got the experience to, to be basically

like a crazy looking porno chick for a few hours. There's a, there's, I know I, now I, I know why girls do it. There's a lot of power in it. Yeah. This was, you know, it's really interesting. There's the, there's the initial kind of like, you know, wow of, of seeing it, right? It's Tom forever. You react in the moment.

Yeah. But then it's kind of, it's kind of interesting to like break it down as a, like a social experiment. Yeah. You actually got to do it. Yes. Because I've seen social experiments like this where they go, they put a thin person in a fat suit and they walk around and they're like, oh my God, I was treated so differently.

Yeah. Yeah. Right. Like they were shamed and people had disdain for the, but they got to experience what it's like. Yeah. It's like a famous SNL sketch from, you know, 30 years ago where Eddie Murphy put on like a white, I mean it was a sketch, but he walked around and like walked into a bank and they're

like, would you like a loan? Like, you know, it's a joke, but it's an experiment, but you got to go from like, you know, normal woman to like super slut. Right. But we're sexes, you're super power. Yeah. And I have to say, you guys are always like so cool to me. And I felt the energy shift, it changed.

Do the head thing that you did to me this morning where you're like a normal guy looks at you like this. Oh yeah. Yeah. This is for real. This is the switch. And this is like, I've felt it before. It's not even conscious.

It's like primal biological DNA wiring where like you look at a normal woman, you know, like this and then like a whore like that, you go like, yes. Yes. And then the brain going, you should fuck that. Yeah. You need to impregnate that. Yeah. Yeah.

And I felt it from like, I would say except for Chris Larson, who's legit, I mean, Chris is quiet. I think he got... Well, Chris was also like, that's a disgusting woman. Like, he wasn't like, oh, that's appealing. He was like, that's a broken woman that needs therapy and help and she probably needs a shelter to live in, you know. How did you feel, Chris?

Because you were the quietest of all the boys. I mean, yeah, like it was a traumatizing look, but it still made my dick hard for sure. Yes. I can't believe he said that. Yes. I cannot believe he said that. That was not bad. You know, we've been trying to get Chris to say something inappropriate for years.

Like fucking feels like 15 years. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. And it's still made his dick hard. I'm telling you, it's not even, you're not even thinking about it. It's just automatically. We're still animals at our core.

Yeah. So what it is, is the hypersexuality. It's the extra big tits, the extra big lips, the extra, everything's so extra. Now, does that make your dick hard too, or is that too big to Craig, right? Well, that's such an extreme, like, I'm not soft. Right. You know what I mean? It's still there.

There's a little blood flow, Chris. It's so extreme. Your dick still get hard when you see that one? That's a yes. Okay. That's a yes. Yeah. Wow.

Your mom's house is alive, you'll feel it in your mouth. That's such a sad look on her face. That doesn't make my dick hard. That was a good clip too. You guys really found some bangers in the heavy. That's amazing. I think Clavicles made this. Gosh.

This is a piece of art, man. This is Rad. He took a photo, I think, and he took this photo? I don't know, or if Lindsay took it. I don't remember who took this photo. I think it might have been any. He threw the pulp fiction artwork on it. So cool.

Also, my favorite, the tats, is your head, and then there's horns coming out of your head, which is just the best. Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh my God. This is a meme breaking down what YMH Live 4 was. Oh my God. It was amazing, guys.

It was. It really was. It was so fun. It's not YMH Live 4, but it's so, the live shows to me are, feel like when I'm on tour, and you have a show one night where you're like, that was. That was a banger. Yeah. So the next morning, you're walking through the hotel, and you're like, oh man, that was

so fun. It was all on. Everything was on. Yeah, it was on. Well, just a few more words about being a tattoo. Yeah, yeah. So I was surprised at how much I enjoyed wearing the tattoos. Yeah.

I actually really, really liked them. So you kept an arm sleeve. I kept, I asked them to keep one of the sleeves on, not daddy with the double horns, because I didn't want our kids to completely cry when they saw me. What happened to dad? I kept the left sleeve with the anvil. It actually looked rad. It looked so cool.

It was dope. And then I kept here. I still have, I kept her because I like 13 Lucky 13, but the knuckle tats were awesome, and I really still want to get those, and I think I want a sleeve. Yeah. So we were just walking around our neighborhood with it the next day. I wore like our suburban mom outfit with the sleeve, and it was rad. Those face tats look good.

I don't know what the face, the face one's really aggressive. But you know, what I was thinking was, because I, I knew what you were talking about, and you said, you know, you could feel, you feel the shift yourself. It's a total different energy. You feel the, like the, the power. I was like, I kind of wish everyone could jump, like could try this, like every woman. To get hyper sexualized. And then men with the equivalent, whatever the equivalent is.

You know, it's kind of different to, to dress a man. I wish you would do that. Well, what do you want me to do? Can we hyper sexualize? I mean, I'm pretty fucking hardcore sexy. I don't know what you would do to me, you know. I was thinking though, I would rather have you be more softer. Yeah, that's what you said.

Because, you know, with this hyper sexual lady, you were jizzing on me all weekend, and I was like, okay, enough, enough. I kind of, I wouldn't mind you moving into a different direction a little. Like now with your health kick, you're fucking juicing all the time. You're making your shakes, you're eating spinach, spinach, everything. Maybe, maybe could we like snuggle a little bit more? Yeah. I mean, I just like, I know that you can come.

Can you, can you cuddle? Is what I'm asking for. Hey, I see what you mean. Can you just be a little? Yeah. I mean, you're very masculine. I really like that about you, but it's always like, ah, fuck it. Yeah.

You know, like just a little. Softer. Yeah. Okay. That'll be my experiment. Okay. I'll try to get softer. Let's get you softened.

Oh, I was going to say the one thing I didn't like about being hyper sex girl. Yeah. Is that when you're this identity, like the tats and the tits and the hair and the door knocker and the lips, there's no down time. Right. I think what's the problem with this identity is that it's always, you're always that person. And in regular life, like one night, I like to look like her. Like maybe I'll wear a trampy dress out for dinner with Tom and I'm like this girl for

one night and then you take off the makeup. Yeah. I think when you're always this way, that's when it gets sad. Well, I noticed that when, you know, when we finally left, you put on what strippers wear when they're done stripping, which is baggy sweats. Yeah. Baggy sweats tell the world, hey, don't sexualize me. Every human being has the right to go, I'm wearing baggy sweats.

And that means I want to relax. Like I don't want to be approached or put your dick in me. Yeah. Pull your dick away. Put your dick away, everybody. And that's the porn girl and strippers like announcement to the world. I'm not working right now. Like, please, let me just, let me just get a fucking bag of chips and a fucking soda.

I just want to relax. Yeah. But Tina, she could get anything she wanted in this world. Yeah. Yeah. That bitch could ruin countries and ruin lives. Oh, ruin, yeah. Ruin marriages.

Ruin. She's a home record, that one. Oh, yeah. But also like. Country record. I also feel like, you know, it wouldn't even register. She'd be like, what? Yeah.

Yeah, I blew those six guys. So what? So that's your girls? Right. Right. And then the guy's like, so hot, baby. The guy that marries, because that girl has a husband. Like, you have a husband?

He's like, I love what you fucks like eight guys. Those guys. Yeah. Who's the guy that's like, who's the guy that really. He's in Vegas. Yeah, he's in Vegas. Guy. Definitely in Vegas.

He loves, he's got a lot of shiny shit. Yeah. Shiny suits. Always with partying. Got a lot. He wears a lot of rings. Yeah. You know, he's got a lot of wristbands.

He's a party guy. He's a party guy. For sure a party guy. And he's like, you want to fuck? You want to fuck her? I love it. I love it, babe. Speaking of the live show, we asked and we have, because it was so fun.

I got tagged in fucking hundreds of stories on Instagram. And I think people also emailed in, they're reacting to heavy clips. Oh my God. And it's kind of one of my favorite things to watch are people reacting, because it's just, it's fun. It makes you feel like you're alive, like part of the show. And so I haven't seen these yet, but they're in my folder. Oh my God.

So here's some, some people watching the heavy segment and it's, it's really, it's really fun to see these. That's in people. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God. That's Julia J. Here's Alex K. Oh my God. What are you doing? Oh God. Oh God, not puke. Oh, pukes. Please stop. Please stop. Please stop. Please stop. Please stop. Please stop. Please stop. Please stop. Please stop.

Oh my God. Oh, that's so great. Yeah. Andrew B. No. No. At the same time. No, look what he's doing now.

Look what he's doing now. Look what he's doing now. Why? So there's so much anxiety. No, no, no, no, Tom. Oh, oh, no. What are you doing? What are you doing?

He's rocking. No. No. He's got this. The anxiety one is the best. Oh my God. These are making me laugh all weekend. Here's Danielle B.

This is why we have to go to Rome with these people. Oh my God. The cat is like, what's happening? Oh, yeah. Oh no. Oh my God. What are you doing? No, Tom.

Oh my God. What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? She looks really traumatized by it. But everybody, you can hear us in the studio and we're in the same way. It was so horrible. That was a crazy closer deal.

But the whole heavy segment had like such... It was like a symphony. It was. It built beautifully. I mean it really was something special. And I love that there was a... kind of a soft opening. So people were like, this is not so bad.

It kind of progresses. It's exactly what a heavy segment should be. Right, it starts with a little amuse-bouche. Yeah, they were like, oh they're fucking on a mountain? Yeah, that's cool. And then you get your appetizer and the soup. And then, wait a minute.

This is different. And then you're like, you want to drink some fucking gasoline to close this thing out? It's crazy, man. It was so fun. I mean, thank everybody. Thank you to everybody that joined us. Thank you to everybody that works here.

It was a great job. Phew. That was so much fun, Jean. It was fun. I love the amount of... I just love how much people care about our show and how much we care and everyone cares. It's nice.

It's so much fun. It was so fun. I mean, good morning, my queen above 18. It was wild. Yeah, it's time to wake up. You went on a date with this guy. Yeah, bro, and you'll see it on the live show. I don't want to give too much away

about our courtship, but we learned a lot about him. Yeah. We got to learn about how to order merch. And everything. And he's got a new business enterprise that you guys are going to hear all about. It's pretty wild. He's really expanding.

It's the wildest shit I've ever heard. And good for him. I think he's a millionaire now with his new business model. Okay. If you could only figure out how to order. Yeah, you know what it is. Livestream.ymhstudios.com. Link in the description. Check it out if you haven't yet.

It was really a blast. So, god damn it. God damn it is right. So we descended from Friday and then into Easter Sunday. We had relatives over. And we also had a relative that we FaceTimed with

who was home, home with his family wearing a mask. Oh, we're going to talk about this? Sure, why not? I'm so excited that you're bringing this up. I didn't say it because I was like, hey, he was like, hey man. And he had a mask on.

We were like, what are you doing? Yeah, so hold on. Back it up. This person was in his own home wearing a mask. It was so wild. It was the craziest and I saw it and I immediately was so upset by it that I was like, no. No.

And I like ignored him. Everyone else was talking and I was like, I can't. It was really strange. And he's been vaccinated. Bruh. So like, are we done? He was like, are we serious out here? I was like, okay.

I didn't bring it up. Christ, man. I mean, you know, this whole year, it has affected people differently. Everyone's going in different directions. I mean, I know people that are still, oh, we got, oh my God. What?

We're on an email chain with parents. First of all, may I back up? So Saturday morning, we're all tired and hung over and Tom comes into the kitchen at 6.30 in the morning. We're up with our kids. He's ear to ear smiling. And I go, uh,

what are you so happy about? No, you literally said it. Let me see it. I can't. You said you look happy this morning. You look happy this morning. Did you see something horrible on the internet? That's what you said to me. Because nothing, and I know

when it's that, nothing makes you as happy as like a Twitter war or a fucking nasty email chain or a crazy face. Well, yeah, I mean, have you guys been watching this show? Yeah, I know. But like, I see the Twitter war and I'm like, ugh, that is cancer.

You, on the other hand, are like, what's going on? What's going on? Can I see it? Can I tag in? Yeah. Who's getting, who's getting in fights? True. You love it. Okay. So let's, let's go through the So you're talking about the email chain between the parents of our school,

which is fucking scary. This really made me sit up straight. I was like, oh, this could be interesting. So basically, I don't want to quote it because, you know, exactly, but essentially a parent. So it's parents that, you know, they share

when you, when you're kids in a school, they'll give every parent the email of all the parents. Not anymore, but yeah. And then their guy Not after this episode. No. It's just all, it's just parents. So no, no school administrators, no teachers. It's just a way for parents to talk to.

Especially with this year, they'll be like, like when school was closed, they'll say, we're taking our kid to this park. If you want to bring your kid, we'll be there tomorrow at nine. We're all going to wear our masks. We'll all be sanitized. So everything in this thing has been like that,

like play date, blah, blah, blah, you know, and you read it and you're like, okay. And then that morning, somebody writes, hey, you know, I didn't, I didn't know whether or not to send this to the group or not, but I've decided to announce when I was like, what's this?

Oh, juicy. And it says, you know, we've done so well so far and we're almost out of this thing. So let's not screw it up for everybody this weekend. And basically the kids had a week off from school. Spring break.

And the school made it so that to come back to school, you have to get the kid tested, COVID tested again regardless of where you live or what the kid did or anything. Which we complied. Yeah, of course, we complied. Here's the test.

But then the person in this email said, if you got your kid tested on Friday and Sunday was Easter, they go and you plan on having like a Easter extravaganza in which you'll see new people and extended family, you're not doing anybody any favors. And that's not fair.

So please keep your kid out of school next week. But this was a parent saying it to the group of parents. And I just smiled because I was like, I was a crazy person. Funny that you're going to try to dictate that. So I just smiled and I was like, part of my brain was like,

I wonder if someone's going to throw a jab back. You know? I'm so happy you are. To me, I see that email. I'm like, this person's sad. They're full of anxiety. And Tom is like... Well, it was awesome.

Part of me gets like, it's funny. These parent threads are always insane. So I don't, by the way, I've never responded to any of them. I've never engaged anybody on these. They're just to read and laugh at. Honestly, I'm a little offended

that they would give my email out. I feel like I'm a little too important of a person to be on. So... So anyways, I was like, okay, I guess we're... Are we swiping bank accounts in this? I just laugh, right?

I laugh. And then I'm just waiting. I'm waiting. And then yesterday, or was it this morning? This morning, a mom goes, I was debating whether or not to send this. But here it goes, and it's to the group.

So I was like, oh, man. Chew step. And this mom goes, listen, everything has been fine. We've done... And I'll tell you what I did this weekend. We went somewhere with our family. And we wore masks

when we were around people and we didn't when we didn't have to. And I'm coming to school tomorrow, whether you like it or not. And it was like, what now, bitch? And I got so chewed up. I was like, oh, have you read this email yet?

Mom drama. Yeah, and now I'm just like, I want to finish this show just so I can read it and see if there's a response. Well, I was thinking... And she called out the mom, but to a group of like 20... To all the moms in the class. These are all the

parents in... I think I'm going to jump in and be like, look, as the only celebrity in this chain. Keep this going. But listen to what I had. I had a feeling because I like the principal. I stand behind her. I think she's bright. I think that she's protected everybody thus far.

Not one case of COVID at her school. She's done a good job. I was thinking, because I forwarded her our son's negative COVID test as I was told to do. Being like, hey principal, just a heads up. The parents are fired up about...

You told her? Well, that's what I'm debating. Should I do it or not? No, no, no, no. Then I thought better of it. No, don't. But think about the kerosene on that fire, Tom. Wait, let's just see if someone does. What if I gave the principal a heads up? So then she got in on the drama and then you could read that chain.

We're leaving soon anyways. It'll be so much fun. I know. Where is it? I forwarded it to you this morning. The last response. And I like that mom who responded. They're all cool actually. I wasn't aware there were such

nervous Nellies in the bunch. It's funny with parents too because you can tell who the nervous Nellies are because they're the ones who send out the most emails and respond them. Is it there? No response yet. But I bet she's cooking something up.

You think she's preparing like you are? Putting some thought into it, you psycho. Well, I mean, I'm not going to jump in, but I'm just going to watch that show. Do you just enjoy as a spectator or will you jump in? No, it's a spectator thing for me. In private life.

If somebody says something directly to me, if I did, you're going to get the full fucking wrath of evil that exists inside of me. But if you just want to engage each other, I'm going to watch. What about Twitter? You do get involved in Twitter battles.

Rarely. Rarely. What about the gram? Do you instigate on the gram anymore? No. Totally done. I grew up. I really don't. I see stuff all the time. I mean, I don't even...

I don't look as much as I used to, but I'll see something. I don't respond, you know. So now in hindsight, that one time you had the incident at the sushi restaurant when you were traveling and then you encouraged our listeners to get on their Yelp

and write them a negative Yelp review. Do you think that was a good thing? That was immature. That was immature and emotional. I'm not proud that I did that, honestly. I mean, I realized that... It's pretty funny, though. I realized that they were wrong, too.

But the way that I handled it was a very emotional, immature thing to do. You really have grown. Yeah, I mean, you know... This is the softer side I was looking for. Oh, fuck that shit. No, I shouldn't have done that. I like this, Tom.

I like evolved... You're very alpha, you could go a little beta. I'm not saying you have to wear crystal rocks around your neck. But I like this guy. Just don't turn vegan, because I don't think I can... Oh, yeah, that's right around the corner for me. Could you imagine?

You would die if you were a meat eater. Yeah, no. I haven't eaten really any red meat in a while. That's probably good for you, though. Yeah, it's good to mix it up, you know. Adelaide chicken. How's your browns? Have your browns been better? Yeah, somewhat, yeah.

I haven't heard you be like, oh, that was a slopper. No, no, yeah. I've been eating so clean that, yeah, it's good. They haven't been diarrhea as much. Yeah, I'm down a whole, like, shirt size and pants size. Crazy town. I love it. I want to do, like,

Christian Bale shit, you know? Yeah. Like, look like a fucking AIDS patient. Yeah, you're on your way to AIDS. You're HIV skinny right now. Yeah. What was that? The machinist or something? Oh, my gosh. I want to do that.

I just want to see what it's like. It's like, you wore your horse suit? I want to do that. Did he really, is that real? Yeah. He really got that thin. That's wild. Christian Bale's the best actor in the world. He's so great, I know. He's one of my favorites. And he got yoked for that, for the other, for Batman and for Maddie.

How did he get that? Couldn't they just CGI? He starved himself. He starved himself. He definitely shouldn't do this. He's a gifted actor. I want to eat Christian Bale's skinny. You want me like that? Like the machinist? I got big tits. You can do that.

Okay. If that's what turns you on. Here's what I want you to be. I want you to be, like, guy in our neighborhood jogger skinny. And he wears, like, the biker shorts and he's shirtless. That's about 180, 185. I want to see you jogging

in your biker shorts and shirtless around town. That could be a good goal. And then making noises. And then when people are like, hey man, how much weight are you going to lose? I'll be like, wife wants to see me shirtless jogging. That'll just be my answer. Like that. Yeah. Check this out.

This has made me laugh for weeks. I haven't played it. Tell me if you know what's happening. Keep going. Keep going. You got it. You got it. Keep going. There we go. What was that part? That's the part. You get it?

I don't get it. Keep going. Keep going. You got it. You got it. Keep going. Keep going. There we go. Now do you get it? Kind of. Did his airbag go off? Yes.

Okay, but his head didn't come out the window. No, that's his hat. I got really scared. I thought we were into decapitation stuff now. No, no, no. So if you're listening or if you don't you're listening,

somehow this Silverado you know, pretty big pickup truck was up on three wheels, the one suspended in the air and had run into a light post, like a big cement light post.

We don't know how he got there, but then he backs up off of it with the guy filming and when the car lands down off of it and his hat goes flying out the window. But it's like, it's super, you don't usually get to see something like this.

No, it is very special. Thank you for sharing. Almost. How did he end up like this? Two wheels on it. Keep going. Keep going. You got it, man. That dude, by the way, is probably unconscious in the car.

100%. Did your airbags kill you more than like accidentally? I know a couple of people that had airbags go off and black and blue, you know, eyes know, oh yeah, because they come out so, it's supposed to keep you, you know. From the impact.

Yeah, of like a major act of speed, so they come out really fast. They can lead to cervical spine injuries, fractures, strains, blunt force trauma, fractures to the skull, rib cage face, arms and wrists, concussions, brain swelling, brain bruising and loss of consciousness.

They might have all happened on this one. Because that guy, his other thing is like in an accident, it's not like you're expecting it, but this guy definitely was not expecting that, you know. He might not have had his seatbelt on. He's just like, what's that? Oh, I got it off the light bulb. Pow! He just got fucking punched in the face.

You know, because you're just casually sitting there relaxed and that comes at you and it's different. Not bracing for impact at all. Wow, thanks for sharing that. It was really special. Here's another thing that's kind of special, I think, because you've seen this before. You're seeing somebody like...

Yeah, I've seen this in Venice Beach. Like panhandling, but he's laying on a thing and then... Oh yeah, it's trading places. Yeah, and what this guy is doing, he's taking this guy's pants off. Who's asking for money. Which you're like, oh my god,

that's so abusive. Right? Like leave this poor, legless man alone. You come up. And then you see that he has legs. Oh, no. I have no legs. That's a good racket though.

It's a good scam. I admire that, because I think he probably does make a killing as a legless guy. That's a really good racket. Well, sure, because he just... Yeah, I would give him money. Swims on his board all day. On his wheel board.

And people are like, oh, that's poor man. Well, let's talk about it. What do you think is a better racket? Is it the sympathy play, or is it the entertaining play? Well, it's much easier to get sympathy. Entertainment takes skill. That's true.

I mean, you see these guys, if you're in New York, you get on the subway and sometimes you'll see break dancers. I love that shit. These are the real performance. Yeah, exactly. You're tired after a day of sympathy. Yeah.

But these guys doing this shit, you're just fucking with people, essentially. You're messing with their emotions. You are. But I'm more apt to give the entertainer money. For sure. Because you go, oh, that was clever. Even if this was legit, I'd be like,

I'm not giving you any money. Just grow some legs, man. But if it's a break dancer or something, I'm like, that's cool. It's entertaining. And when they get you, I love when they get you in New York City. They're like, hey, pretty lady.

They get you on the gag or whatever. You ever see the bucket drummers? I love that one. That is a musician. He's playing for you. I've given money for that. Back in Venice Beach, back in the 80s, they had so many of those entertainers.

Used to just be a row of them. There was a guy who would juggle chainsaws. He was really famous. The break dancing was huge when I was a little kid. That was so fun, yeah. They practiced that for, like, thousands of hours. I know. But these legless fucks on skateboards, no way, right, Tom?

That's, yeah. Yeah, fuck those guys. Yeah, fuck you. Well, this guy's pretending to be legless. I mean, really fuck him, you know? Yeah. That's a piece of shit. Calling up an old lady.

And being like, oh, have you changed your banking information? And she's like, I'll send it. Where should I send it? I wish I could see their tax returns and know who makes more money. The legless beggar or the talented beggar. I don't know. I saw a news, like a local news piece one time that staked out

and followed a bullshit person like on, you know, like at the end of an off-ramp. I like that. And they were like, this person made like $600 today doing this. And then they just stay in dirty clothes and, you know, go back to their place

and they come back the next, they're like making thousands of dollars. Damn. Not to say that there aren't legitimately, you know, people begging that need it. I'm just saying that that is it. That can be a big scam. For sure. But I respect the entertainer much more.

Yeah, I like when you earn your living, even if it's just like our magic show, there was a guy doing a magic show a while back and that kind of stuff. Look, even if your skill is you drop your pants and you take a shit on the sidewalk. I like that. But that's a show, you know?

That's a cool show. I'm willing to pay for it. Yeah. Well, that was a nice video. Is it a federal crime to shit in public? Federal. Come on, that's a little far. Public defecation.

Public defecation is a federal crime? It's a misdemeanor. It's a California code violation. Yeah, public defecation. I mean, people are doing it right now in California a lot. Yeah. No one's tagging them. Oh.

It's unlawful, but it's a California thing. You realize that in like really... You think it's in the Constitution? It's, you know, it's like in really crowded places, places like in India, and you see people just going to the bathroom all the time. Well, I know, and I learned about it on our show

when we did a segment a while ago, a few years ago, on public defecation in India. It was a huge thing. Do you remember? Did you remember Nidov, what was that? Yeah, there was just a news report of just massive public defecation in like one of the

like lakes or something in India. What about in China? Didn't you say people were pooping in the streets a lot in China? In China, they poop indoors, like in the mall and stuff. When I was in Hong Kong even, or in Macau, they had some like don't shit in here signs,

like don't shit on the floor. But that's because like in China, in mainlanders who don't live in cities that live like in rural parts, they defecate openly. So then when they go to Beijing or something, they're just like, oh, just shit here. No, no, no, you can't just shit in the ground here.

Yeah. It kind of makes sense when you think about, you know, why they do it. It makes sense. Just shit where you want. For some reason reminded me of when we went to Disneyland and we went on the haunted mansion ride. And I was talking about

giving hand jobs or something and people would write in, remember? And they were like, oh yeah, I totally gave hand jobs. Oh yeah. People want to scatter ashes on the rides. We have to stop people from doing stuff. They're like, what is wrong with you guys? The hand jobs on small world.

There's kids everywhere, man. You're going to come on this thing? So fucked up. I'd rather you scatter your ashes than come on the small world. Yeah. Even I can't understand the allure of when not Pirates of the Caribbean.

Oh, I can feel it. Oh, that's going to be good. It's a small world. So fucked up, man. The haunted mansion, now that's a good ride to get a handy on. Yeah, yeah. It's dark, you're in the dark for a long time.

I don't know, but there's all these jarring movements. And then you turn the other way. I was about to come, but I got scared by the... Do you think you could come on Space Mountain? It's dark. He has a thing though. How close am I to coming before we get up?

Are we going from full soft? That's a lot of work. What if I work you up in the line? Oh, my God. As we're getting on, and then by the time you're sitting down, you're already ready to begot. And then, you know what I'm saying?

I still feel like the employees are like, you got to stop doing that, man. Are they watching so much on Space Mountain? We've seen her play with your dick the whole time you've been in line. And we're going to call security here in a second. Look at all the families here, man. What about Splash Mountain or Thunder Mountain?

Splash Mountain, I could be like, that's water. That's the nice part about coming on Splash Mountain is that you can clean your pants off by the end of the ride so nobody will be any wiser. I got to say, it's one of the less appealing things I've heard in a while. I'm not really into it.

Let me just run this by you. You have to get a hand job on a ride. Which ride will it be? I have to get a hand job on a ride. A Disney... Is it Dumbo? Because... Little kids, really little kids,

but you're in your own private little Dumbo. Elephant. Is it going to be hard to come with all the people screaming? Yes. Also, I'm going into this scenario assuming I haven't come in like two weeks, right? Because I can't imagine being like,

I can't wait until we leave Disneyland. I have to come now. You're so worked up. Is it Mr. Toad's Wild Ride? Which is also nice and dark. Ugh. I'm looking at Minnie Mouse like this. You've got the head down.

Fully predatory. She's the prey. Yeah, is it Mr. Toad's Wild Ride? Which is also dark, but kind of herky-jerky. Minnie. Peter Pan, nice and dark too. Yeah. But that one's got, you can fly, you can fly. It's going to be hard to come with all the kids

songs around you. I just feel like I would still be like, I don't want to come here. I want to leave. You have to, is it Jungle Cruise? I don't even know half these fucking things. We just wrote these when Skeetal turned four. I checked out. You think I was paying attention? You have to pick.

Okay, Pirates of the Caribbean. Now you run the- What's this one right here? Peter Pan's Flight? Yeah, that's Euro Disney, so I don't know if it's going to- Yeah, that's what I'll do. Let's go to Paris. I'll fucking come anywhere there. All the little French kids are like, Mama, mama.

Yay. Come, come. How do you say that man is coming on the ride in French? Oh, I don't fucking know. I don't know. Oh. That man is ejaculating

in French. In French. In French. Dude, now scratch that out. Okay, put English to French. Should I just sing the song?

No, no, no, no. Just that. Looking for you. And then you text it. You put the type in there, yeah. This will be interesting. And then you can hit the voice there. There you go. Mama, mama.

Mama, mama. Mama, mama. Mama, mama. Mama, mama. I'll hit that. He picked an English criminal. Okay, Mama. He pushed out along the ride,

They always live life 365. Yeah, and I bet they have alcohol everywhere at their Euro Disney. You know how we're lame and only in Orlando? You can get drunk in Orlando. I've heard that. That there are bars in the Disney in Orlando. Really? Dude, I heard one time someone was like,

Dude, we go to the Orlando Disney just to get faded at their bars. I'm like, that sounds terrible. Why would you go to Disneyland to get fucking ripped? Just go to a bar. Yeah, like it's so expensive. Just go to a regular bar, dummy. Bar, six best night clubs at Disney World Florida. Florida is just feral.

They are crazy. But you can only drink in one place in Disney America, I'm sorry, California, at the Club 33, they serve alcohol. Which you need a membership for. It's a private club. You have to ask secret, secret. But I'm sure Euro Disney, you can do heroin, you can do blow, ejaculate on all these rides.

It's good to teach kids how to have fun. It's good to teach kids that your life's about fucking. All right, rarely we do this, but I got to go peachy. You're kidding. Good. I always have to pee. Wow, what a pee break. That was something.

That felt real good. Did you push? Yeah, no, I just let it flow. You relax. Do you sit down ever? No. Do you ever sit down to pee? No.

Like not even when you're sick? Maybe. Really sick? Sure. Yeah. I pissed and jugged for a while. Yeah. It was something fun.

You got really good at that, too. You know who used to do that a lot, actually? One of my favorite people ever. How you doing, buddy? Hey, Sheriff Danker available. Oh, my God. I don't know. What is schedule this morning?

What do you stop me from going into check? What's your name? Woodberry. They're all just going open for three more minutes. Well, I can wait three minutes, can I? Yeah, you'll have to turn the camera off if you go inside. Oh, inside? Yeah, inside.

All right. Okay. Is there a problem with being here, Woodberry? No, sir. I didn't think there was. This is America, right? Oh, my God. Have we ever been on record before?

Yes, sir. We haven't met before. Are you trying to block me? I'm trying to walk in the building. Okay. I think it was the first one I seen last time I tried to talk to Danker. It's so aggressive. Here we go.

Yeah. It's like discovering the Ark of the Covenant or something. Like every, you know what I mean? You're like, how much more to this story is there? And he's such a menace. And I'm still so drunk. I'm so glad I never met him in a way. But when I see these, I'm like, God, you're so, like it's so aggressive.

You love it because it's like 10 mom email chains. Yeah. Exactly. Like what's going to happen? But even though I disapprove, I'm like, that's not cool. This guy's just going to work. Like he's definitely being a dick to this guy. And he comes in hot.

He comes in like, you're trying to block me? Like, oh, my God. And you could tell it's funny because what's saving this guy right now is his uniform. You know, it's also what's attracting it. So Fedsmokers approaching him because he's a cop. But the only reason Fedsmokers not like assaulting him is because he's a cop. Yeah. You know, and the guy, you can tell that that guy's thrown by him.

He's like, oh, God. Damn. Holy shit. Yeah. He registered. He's not. I don't know what his schedule is. All right.

Well, I'll shut the camera off. I guess when I go in there. I appreciate that. All right. I hope you're not breaking any certain rules by blocking. You do block. It could cost you a job, imagine. I was going to get one of them white signs.

I'm going to try to support Danker. You guys have those here? I'll shut up Danker. All right. I'll wait three minutes. All right. I appreciate that. Thank you, Woodbury.

Woodbury Americans coming in for the block. He's got a nose ring. See how dirty this country is, Obama, on your watch. Cock, suck, and fuck. He didn't follow Proto, buddy. You're done. This is early Fed smoker. His hair looks good.

He looks healthier there. This might be. Cock, suck, and fuck. He said Obama. So this is. Yeah. So this is, yeah, during the Obama presidency. What a cool.

Yeah. Maybe we should inform Obama that this exists. I think so. Yeah. He's next. I love that he's always talking about where we are like that. This is America, right? Like, that's, like, he's a constitutional guy.

He's like, are we following the Constitution? Well, he's a CI double agent, Tom. Yeah, that's true. That's what they do. Oh, he does. Okay. Yeah, there is a shout out. Yeah, dirty this country is, Obama.

Put the train in the background. Yeah, it's all perfect. It's all, it's just, it's perfect Fed smoker clip. This is like how Soleil Moonfry captured every moment of her childhood and adolescence and made a documentary. Yeah. He captured so much of his life and his missions and now we're finding all of this. Yeah.

So his go-tos are, because I'm, you know, you start to see the patterns. I want to talk to somebody. This is America. You could lose your job. Yes. You could get fired. The threats. And then something vulgar always.

Yeah. Always. Fuck face and fuck head, you know. Yeah, you love it. Take it easy. Fuck head. God. Yeah.

And he's always until strain. Yeah. Right. Because this, this time he says, This is America, right? Yeah, we got it. And then on that initial clip, the very first one. I'm a fucking American.

You'll fuck. Yeah. He likes to be American. That's true. Very easy America, you know. Very patriotic this. He tells, he tells this guy, let me see if it's not, yeah. Because, you know.

It costs your job, imagine. It costs your job. And then. You're fired, bud. You're fired. Okay. You didn't follow Proto. It's showing threats and then being the executor of the threat too.

Then he fires people, even though he has no authority to fire. Yes. But in his mind, he's out there doing the Lord's work, you know. What's up there? Chomo. Chomo. Oh, Connell, rest in Proto, buddy. Rest in Proto, buddy.

God. Such a, such a fun guy. We need vigilantes like that, don't we? Yeah. You need people out there enforcing the rules, the guardian angels of the world. Yeah. You want to see one of the wildest fucking things up in the wild? Okay.

So, we, everybody knows that one country that always delivers with like fucking crazy shit is Russia, right? Oh, yeah. Of course. They just fucking, they don't fuck around. No. They don't fuck around at all. With anything.

They never have. No. Just so you know, growing up, I would hear Russian jokes, like, you know how we make fun of whatever ethnic, I don't forget what American we make fun of, but Hungarians historically make fun of Russians for- Right. Because the Russians occupied them. How stupid or crazy they are.

Yeah. So, this is not a new legacy. Yeah. Yeah. But create like- Or savages. Yeah. Yeah.

And tough. And tough. And wild. Yeah. I've heard that before. And Hitler, that's the big saying. That there's a, like if you, their version of cops, you'll see, like the cops, there's not like, I'm calling internal affairs.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Like you hit me with your elbow. Like they'll kick you in the fucking face. They don't give a fuck. Are you just disappear? Yeah.

You're just gone. You just disappear. Anyway. You're just a pussy riot. Aren't they in a gulag somewhere? Probably. Because they spoke out against the government. Probably.

Here we go. Check this out. Ready? Yeah. Oh, look over here. You're right. Yeah. Sorry.

I'm like- Oh, shit. Right. Two people pinned down. Fucking machine guns drawn. What is this? What is this? What's in your fucking bag here?

Yeah. I mean, who knows what? Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. What's up?

Fuck it. Fuck it. Yeah? Like super aggressive. KGV. Yes, cocaine? Yeah. Watch.

00:56:58,440 --> 00:56:59,440 Hey, hey, hey, hey! Come on. Come on. Go, go a'. Forward up nuestro vendo. comedarayunkaray banks 3 That's the best thing I've ever seen.

These two psychos deserve each other. If she thinks that's romantic. She was like, that was awesome. Yeah. So this ended up being a proposal, if you're listening. This guy is pinned to the hood of his car with his lady with, you know, masked armed men holding them down. Yeah.

They pull a bag out and they're like, what the fuck is this? And then they give him a bag and he opens it and it's the ring and he's like, gets down on one knee like, I love you. She's like, I'm so traumatized right now. Shit, my pants, but I love you. This is terrible. I would be so panicked. God.

This is the worst proposal I've ever seen. Yeah. That's pretty bad. But it's memorable at least. It's super memorable. This is terrible. Yeah. How do you even recap, like 10 years from now?

See your kids? Yeah. Or 20 years, 30 years. Like, hey, what was your proposal like? It was pretty cool. It was traumatic. We got pulled over. I thought I was going to die.

And he coordinate, he must be a cop too or something. Something like that. Or he's got obviously, you know, friends on the force. And then he was just like, hey, do me a favor and put the safety on. Okay. But it does go to show how tough Russian women are. Yeah, exactly. She's not phased at all.

If you'd, yeah, you do this to an American woman, she'd be like, fuck yeah, you fuck her. Like, don't you think she'd be paid? Oh, she'd be still screaming, of course. She's like, oh my God, thank you so romantic. Of course. I love you, Gorky. Yeah.

I mean, American is, you know, beach. Yeah. The baseball game. Yeah. Don't they put it up on the. Or, you know, you go to the restaurant and they, they put it in the cake, right? And so they're like, what's in the cake? This was like guns drawn to your head.

So romantic. And pinned down to a car. That's crazy. And he's like, hey, surprise. It's crazy. I love you. That's crazy. It's crazy.

It's not on there, but I mentioned it on the live show on Netflix, F1 Drive to Survive. Speaking of Europe, right? The show is unbelievable and I'm only mentioning it here because I realize on the live show it's not hitting the full audience. It's one of the best docu-series I've ever seen and I didn't go into it like, yes, I do like cars. I'm a car fan enthusiast, whatever you want to call it. I've never been into motorsports like following racing.

The show is so good. It really, it makes you emotionally invest in drivers and teams, storylines. It's one of the best shows of this type I've seen and it's so well done that you literally will watch it and be like, I guess I'm a Formula One fan because it just draws you in. It's so well done. Anyways, just kudos to that show and if you're looking for something to watch, I'm telling you Formula One, Drive to Survive, start with season one, obviously just go through it. It's super.

Well, I heard you watching it last night because I was drifting out to sleep and all I hear is meow, meow, meow. Here's the thing, a Formula One race on average is about 90 minutes, but in the show, the way they cut it, you're just watching a couple minutes of the actual race but they cut it in such a dramatic way that you're super invested in the race, in the drama and I didn't realize like Formula One's actually really small. It's like 10 teams, each team has two drivers and they're so close to each other that it's like family drama and a driver can get cut or quit a team and sign with another team.

There's a bunch of that going on. They just do it really well. They really do it well. It is an intimate. So explain this to me. So Formula One is like Ferrari has a car. Ferrari, McLaren, cars. Lamborghini.

No, Lamborghini doesn't have a team. There's Mercedes. Mercedes. Good car. Renault. Renault. Yeah. Renault.

There's a few other teams. So these car companies will manufacture like one race car? Yeah. Some of them are independent racing teams like the Williams racing team and like the Haas team there. Those are not like, probably manufacturers or people you're aware with but then there's like that BWT was just bought by this billionaire Canadian guy trying to think, yeah, there's the Red Bull Racing.

But anyway, the most famous team for sure is Ferrari. And then the most dominant as of late is Mercedes. But you learn this and you get to know like the personalities and the team managed. The money that goes into maintaining and competing at this level is extraordinary. It's so much fun for the money. I can't imagine. Even like, don't they have to change out the tires? Oh, yeah.

The tires are a million dollars. Well, these cars are multi-million dollar cars. This is not, you can't get in this car if you know how to drive a regular car. Like, I guess I could drive this car. No, no way. Well, I've seen like documentaries on race car drivers. They have to actually be in great shape. These guys are all in pretty good shape and, you know, in F1, they sometimes they're hitting

215 miles an hour in this car, like on certain streets. I think it means kilometers. No. Kilometers. Miles an hour. Oh. They are, it didn't turn, they're taking turns at 180. I mean, it's fucking insane.

And the crashes are holy shit, man. Yeah. Look at that. That's wild, dude. Grand Prix, the fastest time is 230 miles an hour. It's 372 kilometers an hour. It's fucking, it's crazy. I mean, you end up having like so much respect for their skills and, but it's, what you invested

in the show is not, I don't want to, it's not a racing show. You're investing in like actual people and you're emotionally investing in the characters and the drama. It's not, it's not like you're like, oh, but it's a car. It's not about cars. I agree. And that's how I feel about Love Island Australia. Yeah.

It's pretty good. It's not just about the hotbots. Yes. Your, will they end up together? I can't believe, like, by the way, you started that and I was like, I don't watch this bullshit. And then you're going to bed. I was like, I'm going to keep watching. Love Island Australia.

That's on Hulu. It's on Hulu. We're in it. I like to have a little glass of wine and watch that one. It's so dumb. They're in bikinis. It's so dumb and you end up caring. Again, this is, shout out to Rob Eiler for this recommendation.

He got us hooked into this. This is like trash TV. Oh, that's the best. But you end up actually being like, man, if he breaks up with her, it's going to be a real interesting. Because they're, they, so here's why it works because it's Australian. So they're not as savvy. These people are not experienced reality stars yet.

So they do get emotionally invested in one another. They get emotionally invested. They run. Yeah. So that one's like the hottest chick. What's her name? Taylor. Taylor.

Taylor. It sounds like Taylor, but it's Tyler. It's the AYL. No, but she spells it that way. Tyler. Yeah. But when they said her name, I thought, oh, Taylor. And they're just saying it with an Australian accent.

No, it's Tyler. It's good trash. And here's my favorite too. Oh, there's your girl. There's your girl on the far right. That's Tina. That's like our. Really?

Well, she's got the tats and she's the one that's got the makeup on. She's your favorite one. The far right? Is she my favorite one? I can't see her. Because it's covered. Yeah. No, she's the one with the makeup and the hair and she's always like, I'll fucking cut

that girl. Oh, yeah. If she tries to take my boy. I'll say I'm drawn to her. That's true. Yeah. She's the trashier. She's fun.

But if they're not in their swimsuits, they're working out. Which is like. Yeah, the whole show. They're like on the lot of going push-ups and yoga and. Talking to each other flexing. They're just staying hot. Yeah. They're just staying hot.

It's wild. Like. And everyone's drinking water. All day. Like on American shows, they drink booze on reality shows. On this show, they're like, you're hot. Fucking drink some water. Yeah.

Yeah. They just pound water the whole day. They pound water and they do sit-ups and shit and talk about each other. It's really funny. I don't like it. And they just. They're like a, you know, decent sized backyard and like the girls are hanging out on one side and then the boys on the other and they're all just being like, she's hot, right?

But then one dumb dumb tries to play two girls at once. Oh yeah. And it doesn't work in a house full. But that's just like, that's also like real life. That is like real life. Like you, you try to be slick and then it fucking blows up on you. Yeah. So.

He was trying, he's hooked up with one girl and then he fancies another girl. I want to give you a snog. Yeah. He wants to snog the other one and she's low like, I don't think I can't snog here. And then. I want to kiss you too. And then she tells the other girl like, did you know, by the way, that's a real fucking cunt move.

Can I just tell you? You think so? Yes. Because it's not a real relationship that they're in. And she was like, he saw that, hey, well, I like has mental. It's like, stop being a fucking, you know, it's like. I disagree, Tom. I think.

You fucking rat. No. Hose before bros. You wouldn't tell your bro if he was being too time by some hussy. Maybe I guess. Yeah. That girl's really invested the, I'm saying like, she's so into him, it would devastate her.

Dude, you're watching this show and you're like, I guess they've been dating for what? Six months? Like, no, they met Monday. It's fucking Thursday. And she's like, are we together? Or like, she's so and you're like, all right, just chill the fuck out a little bit here. Yeah. But that's, that's why you end up getting hooked is because they care.

They care. Then you care. You know what? What you like is confrontation and drama. What I like is mental illness. And that's why your mom's house works so well because it's, I'm fascinated by mental illness and you're fascinated by confrontation. That's true.

And when two great tastes, tastes great together, fudge and caramel, peanut butter and chocolate. It's what fed smoker is and Robert Paul, Robert Paul, she's not violent, he's not violent. What's the thing I don't want to be brought up and didn't brought it up? Very funny is if you and I showed up on Love Island and then they're like, he's a next single person and it's from middle-aged mom. Yeah. Then I walk out. I'm the only guy without abs and they're like, um, and then this PSA just plays as I'm

talking. We don't want you on our team. You slow and fat. What? Millions of people are impacted by obesity. Uh-oh. Don't you care what other people think? You need to do something about your weight.

They face unfair weight bias every day. Oh. You're not the right fit for this job. Weight bias is harmful, not helpful. I see you haven't lost weight. You must not be trying hard enough. I am. Everyone keeps judging me.

I'm eating right. I'm exercising. I'm trying to lose weight. But it's just too much. What's too much? Power words and actions matter. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Except for you, Fatso.

More about weight bias and how to help end it. Visit stopweightbiased.com. Be a part of the solution. Let's stop weight bias. Let's work together to stop weight bias today. Jesus Christ. This is real? Yes, it's real.

Stop weight bias. This is real? And you know what? If this gets me on Love Island Australia, I'm down. I'm going to send this to the producers and be like, stop keeping me off the show. I deserve to be on the show and celebrated as hot, even with my excess weight. So do you think we should do Love Island Huskies? Love Island not hot?

But you're not fat. You're perfect. Yes, that's how I feel. I think we should have, well, this is a good point, you know, we should stop the weight bias and give them their own version of everything. So I want to see Fat Love Island. By the way, it's very manipulative to throw a kid with a list of fat adults. It's like, okay.

And then the kid's like, what about me? No, he goes, what about me? I'm so fat and fat. I don't like that. Well, he's got a lift to a fat kid with a lisp. All right. It's not fair. I'm a mom.

I'm my heart strings. Yeah, you sound like it. You sound real effective. No, I'm mad that they made me feel something. I'm mad because I do feel bad for them. Yeah. But I don't want to stop making fun of fat people and I don't want to stop shaming them because I don't think you should be fat.

I don't think it's good for you. The more you know. Okay. Very cool. Cool message. Tom. What? Nadav, how's your fat going?

Are you on your diet yet? How's my fat going? It's an interesting way to ask the question. I agree with you on that. Yeah, it's going great. Are you dieting? I don't know why, but I have a mental blockage that I... Yeah, you said you were going to start a couple of weeks ago.

Yeah. You're supposed to be like, I'm tying one on this weekend and then it's on Monday. But then I was just like, yeah, but what if they ask questions right before my second dose? They're like, oh, I don't think you fit the criteria anymore. This is why? I don't know why. I have some sort of mental blockage like, nah, just one more day and then I'll get back

on it. I'm just, I'm trying to find the motivation. When's your next shot? It's Sunday. It's the Sunday. Okay. So how about Monday? Why don't you give yourself the rest of the week?

Oh, I see. So that's the rest of this week? No. Well, you don't have to. I'm just saying like... Like give myself the rest of this week and then... Well, or whatever. Do it tomorrow.

I'm just asking you if you... I mean... No, yeah. I'd love to get it down. It feels much better to be lighter than what I'm at right now. Yeah. Do what I'm doing. What are you...

So yeah, give me your routine. How'd you get... I need to break half my body and then... Yeah, I'll do that first. First, you need COVID. That's going to slim you down the first 10 or 20. But I'm already too healthy for COVID. Don't do that.

Just do it like I'll write out what I'm eating. Okay. And then just do that. Oh, yeah. All right. I'll go on the cigar plan. Why not? Sure.

I'm down. I like that. Yeah. It'll be good. It'll be good for you. Stop the wait. Plus, I mean, you know, it'd be fun to have like just like another super thin friend. You know, we'll just eat.

Eat right. Eat right. But don't gain more weight. Work out right? Work hard. Play hard. Okay. Why would I gain more weight?

I thought you said that you were going to use this week to like blow it out before you start. Okay. No, just maintain. Okay. Okay. Because you sound like one of those junkies in rehab. All right.

I'm going to party extra hard before I go into rehab. Which is a good idea if you're going to go to rehab. Right. Straighten out. Get all fucked up right before you go. Yeah. Just don't die right before. Yeah.

Okay. Ready? No, I'm ready. I'm ready. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Did you break your leg?

Oh my God. Why are you laughing? I'm not sure why we're laughing. Is anyone else laughing in the booth? I'm not sure. Because I know she's going to get in shape now. That's why. Yeah.

That was a loud, loud. And look at that comment underneath it. She went full cigarette. Yes, she did. Yeah. That was great. Oh my God. I like the sweetness with which the question was asked.

Did you break your leg? Like the way your kid says it? Did you break your leg? Yes. Oh, that was great, man. Oh my God. You want to see it again? No, I really don't.

I'm not. All right. It looks like you guys voted more horrible than hilarious on that one, but I gave a strong, hilarious reaction. I'm not sure why anybody's laughing. I mean, we got more laughs, and then Chris is smiling big. He just fucking busted his head open. Yeah, but he's alive.

He's fine. All right. One more. You ready? This one, you're going to be like, oh, he deserves it. Okay. Oh, I'm cool. I'm hanging out the window on the bus.

Oh! I'd say, yeah. Yeah. That was good. That's cool. What is that? I don't know. Turkish?

Turkish? Yeah. All right. You know Shambri? Yeah. Wow! Oh! Okay.

I like that one. That was cool. Because he was trying to be cool. He was trying to be cool. That always happens in life. Always. You try to be cool, you know? That's one of the reasons I can't get a sleeve tattooed in real life.

I can't live up to those tats, you know? That's what you think. You looked so cool the next day when we were out. You just had the sleeve on. You looked rad. Oh, thanks. But I don't know. I feel like you have to really...

That's in your head. That's in your head. Really? Yeah. Well... You looked super cool. I don't think I'm cool all the time, you know? I think...

Can I say this picture? I'll send you this picture. Yeah. Okay. Because those people look so cool. They're all tatted up and stuff. But they're always cool. Tommy Lee, when he was in here, he's got all those tats.

I'm such a... I'm not that cool. I don't know. I don't mind that I'm not that cool. I'm not like a rock star. I'm a dopey comedian. You know what I mean? I'm not cool.

We went out to brunch or whatever. I think it says it went through, right? I mean, put that on the screen. But you don't think you have to be that person who's like a rock star? Yeah, but look how cool you look here. Or like a... You look rad. I'm like a cool mom.

You look cool. That's me at brunch the next day. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, I really dig it. I think you do look really cool. I like it. I love the way the sleeve looked.

You look cool. I loved it. You don't think you're cool enough for that? Skulls and stuff? You don't think... I think it looks great. I think it looks really great. I think you pulled off every single tattoo that was on you.

Really? And I'm not even joking. The face tats looked good on you. The arm tats. Face tats. The neck tats. No joke. You could pull it off if you wanted to.

Here's what I want to do is I want to do sleeves every now and then for fun. Just stick-ons. Can I order these? Yeah. I'll get you some Ed Hardy shirts. No. Just go get fucking inked up. Maybe.

Yeah. You know you've been saying this for a while, right? I know. Yeah. But like for a few years. I know. I know. Can I tell you though?

I have nightmares that I'm covered in tattoos. That's one of my recurring nightmares. You know you could do it, right? Nightmares. You could start like upper... Knuckles. No, no. Upper sleeve.

Upper arm. And then hide it. Well, I'm saying that and get comfortable with it and see if you like it. And then you could just extend it. Well, you know what our mutual, our buddy said who it does have lots of tattoos and sleeves. She was like, you can just get them. You can get tattoos where no one can see them. Right.

That's what I'm saying. Like maybe my back more. No. Or you could do your upper arm. Like no one's going to see that. I know. But if we go on vacation with like the family or I'm in a bathing suit. So what?

I don't know. Why would that even matter? Weirdo. Someone would be like, oh my god that lady has a tattoo on her arm. Like you see tattoos all the time. But then can you see me at 80 with like skulls? You think you're going to live to 80? That's true.

I won't live to 50. Here we go. That's the right attitude. Okay. Okay. You got to be kidding me. Anyway. I do look cool though.

I do think you look cool. Would you get a tattoo? I don't know. I don't have the same. Like you've mentioned it a lot. Okay. You've mentioned it quite a bit. I don't have the same thing where I'm like constantly talking.

But if I was talking about it as much as you were, I think I would do it. I did like singing on my hand. I thought that was really cool. Yeah, you did. You liked it a lot. You liked it quite a bit. I really think you should consider. I suppose a weird laugh.

You imagined it a bit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's on Instagram. I shared this in my stories. So, this is an artist.

No he's not. Yeah. And he does these things that create chaos and anxiety in people. Okay. Yeah. He's had a few great things that I've posted on my stories. That does create chaos. Yeah.

That made me anxious right away. He'll do stuff like drop heavy nails and hammers and it's meant to disturb you. Okay. That really worked. So, for those of you just listening, it's a guy who took a paint roller and rolled his face. It looks like the peanut butter and then rolls it on the wall. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. It looks kind of fun. Would you do this? No. No. I don't think I'd do it with peanut butter. I mean, I think it would be fun to do some type of, I can get the fun of some type of gel.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. Like a paint. Yeah. That seems what peanut butter just doesn't appeal to me to have. Mm-hmm. You want to do peanut butter?

I think it would be fun. I would do it. Yeah. It's fun. It's a weird substance. I'd like to eat it as I'm doing this. You know what we should get? What?

Get one of those blow up kitty pools. Yeah. Put it in that. That's fun. Yeah. Yeah. I'd rather do something edible and. Honey.

Remember when we did that bear sketch with Brent Weimock? A million. How did you get, you just took a shower and came off easily? I would do that. I would do a thing full of, I'm sorry, peanut butter. That'd be fun. Yeah. Because the boys look like they love doing it with shaving cream.

Yeah. That's right. It would be fun to do that way. Yeah. So we saw, this morning we saw a guy walking his dog with a waist leash around his body. You know, he tied it around his waist. Yeah. But like he made, so he made like a belt out of his leash and was walking.

And I just had so much disdain for that guy. Same. And I love his dog, you know, the dog, I always love dogs. I was like, I hope your dog abandons you. Me too. You know, just finds a better owner. Or I hope. Just because I think you're a fucking smug asshole.

Or I hope that the dog like takes off chasing something it likes. And pulls you down. And you die. And you trip over a manhole or you fall into a hole like in New York City and then you just die. Yeah. I was going more just like have a bad moment. Oh.

Not, I didn't wish death on him. I didn't like that he was so tethered to the dog. It doesn't seem smart. I didn't like that he was proud of himself. Yeah. Like he invented that. Oh, I'm walking around. Yeah.

Fuck you, man. I agree. It also felt so dickless. I think when people go totally dickless and asexual, I have no respect for them. Like when I see a man wearing socks and sandals, I'm like, oh, you don't care about your dick getting touched at all. Like you're totally out of humanity. That's a move where you're like, I don't care.

And it's the same like when a woman wears crazy sun visors. You know, like the extra long sun visor like, oh, you look like a fucking tool bag. And she also, that is another sign of like the vagus shot. Yeah. Don't, don't put anything in here. Yep. It's all dried up. No pleasure.

And then I've also been seeing people on, so I walk around the neighborhood. I saw a lady listening to her podcast or something on her phone full volume and just like, hey, everybody, I'm listening to this. What are you doing? What are you fucking doing? That's a big one now. And now we're seeing the more that it's become part of the, of regular life or the public zooms.

That's crazy. It's crazy. People are zooming at restaurants. Yeah. Hey, guys, who's joining? Yeah. All right. And you're like, what the fuck?

Without earbuds. Yeah. Just talking. So your cousin told me that they were at a hotel pool and it's a quiet pool. It was for adults only. So it was meant for just quiet time. And they're laying, there's an old guy and next to him, a man opens up his computer and starts zooming with all of his coworkers and like, hey, guys, what you're just doing?

Yeah. And like at a quiet pool and the guy next to him, the old man was trying to nap and he's like, dude, what the fuck are you doing? And like, so what's the, what's the proto now? Are we going to let these people do this or do you say something? I was in line the other day for coffee. It's not the exact same thing, but a notable person. So I'm in line, Kurt Russell is in front of me.

Oh my gosh. And behind me is a young girl, like 22. Face time, no earbuds. And I, you know, at first I was like, and it was so fun to see Kurt Russell go. And then he would look forward and then she was like, yeah, where are South Carolina? Is it hot there? And then you'd hear the guy be like, yeah, it's hot. And just having a full, full fucking conversation.

I've heard that. I've seen it so many times, people in the grocery stores. I'm name dropping Kurt Russell because Kurt Russell is fucking mad. But I've seen people in grocery stores fully FaceTime and like, hey, you're inside or at the fucking terminal at the airport. Yeah. It's, it's that part. It's all, you know, it was speakerphone and now it's, it's FaceTime and Zoom calls in

public. It's just have, it's a, it's a lack of respect for your fellow citizens, you know what I mean? Yeah. It's, it's saying like, I don't care about people around me. They don't care. They don't think, and do you want everybody to hear your conversation? I certainly don't.

I don't want people to hear my conversation. You're very private. You don't like it. Anybody. No. No, I would not like, even if it's a conversation about bullshit, it's still private, right? Oh my God. That's so terrible.

Yeah. It's totally the worst. And then we saw a lot of hoes and they're, they're Lululemon panties. That I don't mind. Yeah. That's pretty good. But then there are some asses that shouldn't be in the Lululemon. Yes.

That is true. There's, there's a number of asses that don't belong in Lululemon pants. Would you wear Lululemon pants around? If you want me to. If that'll really turn you on. Why don't you wear men's biker shorts? I saw a guy running in men's biker shorts and shirtless, which is crazy. Yeah.

Ugh. Real crazy. Look at that big old bulge in his pants though. You like that? I don't like it seeing it like that. No. It doesn't look good. It seems like you can kind of hide it if you're wearing black ones, but any other color,

you're going to see the full out like, that guy's second to the right there. Oh my God. You can see the entire shape of his dick. Can we go bigger on that? Yeah. It's up. It's up into the right there. Mm-hmm.

Jesus. Oh my God. You can totally see there. All their dongs. Oh my God. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Now you can see them all.

Holy shit. Yeah. This is just dick pics. That guy's dong is like up on his belly, babe. Yeah. Whoa. And that guy's on the left. I'd be so mad if I wasn't hanging well for the photo, you know?

I know. Like right for the photo. They snap and you're like, oh wait, just let me adjust myself, man. I take it back. Now I want guys to wear biker shorts all the time. Yeah. You can see dongs. Only if they're red like this.

The Americans, don't they wear underwear under theirs? I don't know. How come I'm not seeing this when I see guys in my life? So now you're on board with biker shorts? Well now, yeah, European ones. This is a Euro one. That's definitely European. Yeah.

Those are European guys. Oh, like the Polish flag or something. What is that? Yeah. Yeah. Those are Polish guys. Oh yeah. Polskos.

Yeah. They got their kill bosses in their pants. Hey. Hey, our dicks are out, guys. Hey. That looks good. See? Like kids, you can see it too.

You can see it. Now you're really nodding yourself. Damn. Look at that. You can see that guy's full dong. Right here in the blue. White biker shorts. No, the white ones on the far right.

Where? Him. Look at his dong. You can see everything. Hmm. Damn. Homie. Oh yeah.

Damn. Yeah, that doesn't. Whoa. You can see his whole thing. That looks appealing. I mean, yeah, I love it. What can you see? You see everything.

You see the shape up into the right. Can you not see? Yeah, but I mean, that doesn't look pretty subtle to you. Subtle. Yeah. I guess it's more than what I'm used to seeing of dudes in the world, so that's exciting. Jesus Christ. Well, I mean, I don't get to see outlines of everybody's dicks every day.

This is a neat thing. You came in here saying you didn't like biker shorts. Well, I thought they looked feminine and silly, and now I see that they can be really fun and cool. I'll tell you what I'm into is that guy's quads. Holy shit. Yeah. Look at those quads.

He shaves his legs too. Well, he's a real cyclist. Yeah. They shave it off to make themselves go faster. Yeah. For time. Less limb resistance. Yeah.

Is that true? Yeah. Swimmers and cyclists, I'll do that. It hinders your. Yeah. It's just, it's talking at the highest level, you're talking about any edge. So even if it's a fraction of a fraction of a second, you know, you want to do anything to get that edge.

Well, all right. I guess biker shorts are in for you again. I'm back on board. Yeah. Oh. Let's go. That was a real 180 you did, just so you know. Well, I'll tell you why, because the guy I saw.

As soon as you saw Dick, she was like, these are not bad. They're not that bad. Because the guy jogging in our neighborhood was not cute like that. I didn't see any kind of hang. I didn't see any kind of outline. I didn't see a bulge. I think because he was wearing like the colorful, multi-colored, and I didn't realize what I was missing out on.

But. And now I like. What I wanted to say about like, I got to say, all everything I saw was unimpressive. I just like to see dicks. I mean, like would you, if somebody showed you outlines of boobs, don't you just like any boobs? I guess. I see what you're saying.

I see what you're saying. But I thought you would want like a fucking hog in one, you know? Of course. That's what I'm looking for. I'm hog hunting. Maybe I'll get lucky and see a real bigger, a little biggie. Let's see the Nigerian cycling thing. Yeah.

Nigerian cycling team. Yeah. Okay. Those are images here. I hope this works so badly. Oh, man. See. Those are dark shorts.

They wear dark shorts because they know. Well, that could stop the whole race. If they had white shorts on, they'd be like, all right, guys, nobody can pay attention over here. Yeah. That's. Oh, I see a bulge on the left. Yeah.

The other ones are covered by those stupid bicycles that get in the way. You mean they're whole purpose in life? Well, boring. Yeah. They should just have men's biker short gangs and then they walk around and show me. True. True. Let's see.

Yeah. Yeah, they're smart. They're not photographed without those bikes in front of them for a reason, guys. I bet. Oh, man. If they moved those bikes, you'd see some swinging right now. That guy right there. Oh, man.

Oh, man. He's zooming on him. Oh, yeah. He's got to have something. I think they're pointing to it. Like, look at his dick, guys. They're all laughing and happy. All right.

I remember something today. I hate moving and everything that goes along with it. I say, damn it. I hate it. I hate moving, too. Well, that's why I brought it up. You know, it's getting closer for us and I figured you could really relate to this talk. It's hanging from a ceiling.

I don't know, but he definitely is fitting all the cool criteria. Check, check, check, check. I like to give a shout out to Shanti's Convenience Store Grants Mill with Virginia. What is going on in his mouth? That's the real question. What is going on with his mouth? Are things coming out of him? Isn't there dark coloration on his lips?

Play it one more time for clarification. I like to give a shout out to Shanti's Convenience Store Grants Mill with Virginia. He's doing a shout out to a convenience store? Hold on. I'm thinking, and you've done this before, is that dip? It could be dip. Yeah. And it's just all over his lips.

Yeah. Usually you try to keep it in a pocket, you know, like one area, but maybe he just talks with it everywhere. And the dip is everywhere and his lips and tongue and I can't be good. Fuck my life, man. Good morning, everyone. Hope you're doing good. Thanks.

Don't forget to take your medicine. I forgot mine. But I'm still in a good mood at least. That's good. So give me a holler back if you're bored. God damn it. Yeah. Well, it is a good reminder.

Don't forget to take your medicines. I'm getting ready to go to Philippines for a while. Guys, something that I understand is food, so keep there. I'll probably come back five hundred fucking pounds till I love seafood. What do you like about this talk? Let's start from the top. Yeah, let's start with the shirt. The shirt's the best part.

Holy shit. He's got a cholo, I'm sorry, a chola ghost walking up an aggressive pit bull. That's the shirt. And then he's like, I'm going to the Philippines for the food. I'm like, I don't think so. I don't think anybody really goes for the cholo food. Well, no, that's not like, you know, let's not. Shit on Philippine cuisine, it is delicious, but he's not going for that.

Yeah, that's right. Let's be real clear about something. This guy's not like, I am all about trying the cuisines of the world to get the fuck out of here. Like he's Anthony Bourdain. Yeah. He's got a cute culant culinary, culinary gastro-traveled gastronomy. He's not doing a vlog on loopy.

I like it when I came back and they didn't have good food, but they also had some pretty cheap pussy. OK. What the fuck is this? So this is photoshopped or whatever it's called. It's fake. Like a green screen. Yeah.

But I thought that you would appreciate this woman's terror. I do like the terror a lot. Yeah. It's always exciting and funny to me to see someone like real terrified. Yeah. I don't know why. Or in pain or getting hurt. Yeah, but terrified is the best.

That's like the top one. Sure. I don't know why. I don't know why either. It doesn't tickle me as much as it tickles you. Then again, why do I like mentally ill guys who talk about, I like them before they move in? I don't know.

In your fucking bike shorts? Potato, potato. Yeah. I do like those bikes. That was just a silly talk. That's a lady falling into a full-sized toilet, a huge oversized toilet. Oversized. Yeah.

Yeah. It was kind of cool. It's kind of cool. I'd like a bathtub like that. That'd be perfect for studio jeans. That's not. That's not. OK.

Toilet bathtub. It's kind of gross. Hello. This is Jarvis Robert in California talking. Uh-huh. Protocols of Jibberish, Nietzsche's Jibberish, Plato's Jibberish, Socrates' Jibberish, and Frank Jibberish. Did you not know that?

I didn't like that one. Why not? Socrates' Jibberish, Nietzsche's Jibberish, and Frank Jibberish, because he's anti-intellectual. Let's go to the next one. Get crazy and let out a little bit of steam. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Oh, that felt good. I don't like him at all either. That's Disko Bob. We met him last week when he's like, what's your favorite cereal? Everybody share. I thought we were about to see a horrible hilarious right there with those jumps. He should not be jumping at that weight. He should not be jumping.

We all learned that lesson, didn't we? I think, you think everybody can read. So you say read the guidelines, but we can't, most of us can't. Now there's people out there that just can't read. We're illiterate. We can't read it. That's disability. OK.

This is the saddest talk folder we've had in a while. Are there any uplifters? I think it's funny. I don't know what you're not laughing at. What? I mean, have you ever known somebody who admits to being illiterate? It's pretty funny. I mean, it's funny that he said a lot of us, like he's like, most people can't read.

That part is funny. But then you're like, oh, this guy's, he's really sad. Well, he's advocating for the illiterate. We need to stop the illiterate hate or stop the illiterate bias, you know? We're doing it for other people. Why are you guys so hateful? I'm just trying to expose and shed light on the marginalized communities, Tom. That's not what you're doing.

I found these limited edition Frosted Strawberry Donut Oreos, and they have the pink colored cream with the glitter. So let's open these up and we'll give them a try. The noise is really nice. Okay. Plastic. That's fantastic. Okay.

There's the middle. Yeah. The cream. Yeah. What do you think? Hmm. They're pretty good. Low, but a strawberry.

Yeah. Flavor. Right. That's the strawberry part. Not now, we can get it all the time, but that was good, that fire is good. Some of the best from these talks are how they just end abruptly, because they're really... But... Could you imagine getting excited about buying a variant of the Oreo brand?

No. Like, is that even on your radar? Of course not, but also, I mean, you know, this guy... What? What, Tom? What? He doesn't have a mortgage? What?

He doesn't have kids? What? Yeah. He doesn't have a girlfriend? What? We need to talk about the artwork. I just... I guess I don't understand when people get so stoked about, like, oh, they made a...

Who cares? What? Okay. Can my ass say the N-word? Let's ask it. Whoa! What do you think? Did his butt say the N-word?

This is not my favorite part of what you've done. Okay, well, let's go to the next. Here is how to flirt with a girl that you, like, just offer her a chocolate or this one right here to receive him a cup or M&Ms. Well, he's not wrong about that, right? He's not wrong. Now, which one would you offer a lady you were interested in? Um...

I don't think I would offer M&Ms. I think you offer Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I think Reese's Peanut Butter Cup is... Would you like a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup? I would. Thank you. Yeah. It's the king of candies.

I think it's number one in the candy world is a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. Yana? Yep. What do you agree? Agree? Yeah. That's a good... That's a good...

You know, that's a good... I gotta say, that's not bad. What do you... Do you think there's anything better than a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup? I don't think there is. Like Snickers is pretty great, yeah, agreed. But is it better than a Reese's Cup, dude? I don't fucking think so.

Whatchma call it? Again, I really like those. Not sure if it's as good as a Reese's Cup. Any of you fucking freaks out there are like, ohmenjoy, disgusting, payday, not as good. There's nothing as good. Yeah. If you ask a lady, if you see a lady... Nestle Crunch.

Pretty good. Like, that chocolate's kind of waxy. A KitKat's a cool offer. Ooh, KitKat's good, but is it the king of the box? But you also... You know, you can split it. That's kind of a cool way to go. That is cool.

Like, hey. You can share one of your Reese's Cups. I think we know for sure. Because if you offer a lady chocolate, it's cool, but also don't forget... Don't compliment that bitch. I like that advice the most. Don't compliment that bitch. It's just slime, it's not a crime, it's just slime, it's not a crime, it's just slime,

it's not a crime. And she made a rhyme with her slime. She's got a couple tats. Yep. She looks cool. Yeah. I like her bathing suit. Me too.

That was kind of a palette cleanser. God. Look, the world is... I'll tell you something. We're definitely in between something because we're just in a different phase on TikTok. People are getting comfortable again. They're making more innocent talks. If you'll notice, it's about cookies and slime.

So it's good. Yes, sure. We're not as angry as we were a month ago or not as panicked. So we're in a nice, calm stage. And TikTok is a reflection of society, people. That's true. I believe that there's no good way to use the R word. Okay.

Let's go to the next one. I wanted to show everybody these Cheez-Its loaded popcorn, limited time only. We got the cheddar and we got the white cheddar. I actually tried these and like I said, I tried them on my YouTube channel and I'm going to give... I gave them both an eight. Oh, an eight. The cheddar in this is really, really sharp and really sharp in this.

When you first bite into them. But they're pretty good. Like I said, I gave them an eight on my YouTube video and there's the cheddar, but the cheddar popcorn is a limited time only. I said, I saw these and I figured I had to get these and then there's the white cheddar. Like I said, I gave them an eight. Really awesome. Why an eight?

And he doesn't tell you why it's an eight. I guess I'm going to have to go to his YouTube channel. Yeah, I guess you are. Find out. I can't... If somebody could maybe tell him that when you wrestle plastic bags like that, your audio is going to really sting from people listening. Well, I don't think he's thinking of audio quality, Tom.

He's filming in his garage. He's got like a disco light thing, light show happening in the background. I'm more upset that he gave Cheez-Itz an eight. I think Cheez-Itz is a superior snack, the pure kind, not the popcorn. I mean, does it get any better than a Cheez-Itz for a snack? Cheez-Itz is a nice snack. I agree. But to give the popcorn version an eight, it's disastrous.

The popcorn should be rated higher or lower? I don't know. I imagine it's pretty good. I haven't tried it, but... What are you saying, though? Which way? It should be higher. I mean, Cheez-Itz is a great brand.

It's a great brand. Yeah, I love popcorn. Could you imagine? Could you even imagine being like... I can't imagine anybody doing anything that we've seen. None. I mean, I have to buy these and then make a video educating the public on how I feel they taste.

This is crazy. Yeah. It's Thursday night, about 11.22, 11.24, of course, can't account for time, you know. The cold is right here, basically for the past 45 minutes, I've been squeezing my balls in the veins inside my balls, brutally, waking me up by that, then I go back to sleep and they do it over and over and over. These guys are here right now. I don't think there's a female with them, but they are bad people.

This is nothing compared to eye torture or anything like that. It is just brutal, a way to wake up. It's not just squeezing the balls, it's moving them around. It's doing the vein inside the ball. It is horrific. I haven't had that bad in a while, but I hope the cold is right here right now. Well, that was my palette cleanser for you. I hope you enjoyed it.

That was cool. You like that? I enjoy these so much. I like these as much as you like. You're horrible or hilarious. I know. Just, you know, that was, that felt fun for me. God damn.

Yeah. Jesus Christ. That was, ugh. What? Nothing. So, before we go, I should mention there's new stuff in the store. If you go to store.ymhstudios.com, in about a week or so, we'll have an announcement. So, oh, the, yeah, the poster sold out, the limited edition poster.

We have an I Got the Antibodies t-shirt, which is what I was dressed up for that Zarface video, big-titted animal mug, a t-shirt from the movie I was in, Flint, where I played Ed Terzian, the movie flinch that Cameron Van Noy directed, two bears mug, big-titted animal coosie, knucklehead tea, big-titted animal shirt. So, yeah, visit. There's new things there, new stuff coming. Thank you guys for your support as always. Thank you for everybody that joined us for the live show.

It'll be up, like I said, through the weekend. So go to livestream.ymhstudios.com. Christina, you're going on the road. Damn, bro. This week, I am in Des Moines. I believe Sunday is the only show there are tickets left on. Some call it Des Moines, but yes. Oh, Des Moines.

Yes. And then Fartnecks, Arizona, April 23rd. Super fun club. 24th. I can't wait. And then, sure. Oh, West, one night only. Breastballs Beach, West Palm Beach, May 6th.

Tickets are almost gone. Shartlick, Titties, June 11 and 12th, San Antonio, July 15th through 17th, Libita Township, Ohio, Columbus. You're on the road. I'm Oklahoma City. I'm doing it all, folks. Check them out. ChristinaPeeOnline.com.

This weekend, I'm doing shows during the week, I should say, in Spanish. I'm doing San Antonio, Houston, and we sold out Dallas. We added a late show. That's going to be on Thursday in Dallas at the Addison Improv. And then, yeah, on the road, more Spanish shows in June and Ontario and another Spanish show. But I also have a bunch of English shows. Get all at TomSugar.com, go to the tour page, and then, hopefully, soon enough, we'll be

able to announce more shows as people get vaccinated and things go back to normal. I know. It's coming. It's almost here. Can't wait. Can't wait. All right. Gene.

I think that's it, Gene. Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. Here is Electronic Dance Moose by Mr. Mobius to take us out. We'll see you guys next week. 01:49:10,700 --> 01:49:11,700 Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.