Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 600 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: April 21, 2021

SPONSORS: - Go to https://watchgang.com/YMH and use code YMH for 20% off your first purchase. - Visit https://mudwtr.com/YMH to support the show and use code YMH at check out for $5 off. - Go to https://brooklinen.com and use promo code HOUSE to get $20 off any purchase of $100 or more. - Go to https://babbel.com and use promo code MOM for an extra 3 months free. - Go to https://theragun.com/MOM right now and get your Gen 4 Theragun today. - Go to https://getquip.com/MOM to get a FREE plastic dispenser with any refill plan. - Visit https://fiverr.com and receive 10% off your first order by using my code MOM. On today's Your Mom's House, Tom and Christina start off by celebrating the 600th episode of YMH. Then, Christina tells a story about her latest show in Des Moines, and the consequence of leaving Tom without milking the bear first. Next, Tom and Christina discuss marital loves, their favorite cool videos to watch and the ones that turn them off. After that, Christina and Tom talk about their gross behavior during tours, comedy club bathrooms and Tom shows off his Australian accent. Lastly, Tom and Christina try to persuade Nadav to convert to Catholicism.

last week my stand-in yeah was she's in the lobby and she startled me God she was fucking perfect yeah she had all your best features and none of the you know baggage words words yeah welcome welcome to your mom's house good morning my queen's above 18 a lot of you are asking about the King challenge get up and start today come on come on put the feet on the ground it's a nice hot breakfast very lovely take that cover and put it in shower take that cover and put it off yourself take that cover and put it in shower get up and start today

Queen's above 18 Queen's above 18 Queen's above 18 please if you're below the age of 18 don't do this challenge I trust you guys won't become 18 you can you can do anything on the front on the back you know the King likes the no problem and give me a dance Queen's above 18 Queen's above 18 Queen's above 18 please if you're below the age of 18 what we can do is have fun with this take an old white t-shirt King on the front King on the back King loves you King loves you King loves you King loves you and do a video very lovely have fun with it Queen's above 18 Queen's above 18 Queen's above 18 please if you're below the age of 18 enjoy I love you all let's make some videos I want to see them I want to laugh and come King on the front King on the back King on the front King on the back oh man that's a mood that doesn't make you feel like a king what's been a good mood me too that's a hen dog with Queen's above 18 by of course I mean featuring of course the great King

I like that he says you have to wait until you're 18 yeah and then you can do whatever you want him to imply that there are so many minors waiting to take that challenge I'm only 17 I can't wait to turn 18 well you're gonna have to wait and I'm not gonna watch it until it's confirmed I want to see a photo of your driver's license he likes to laugh that's the thing show me your boobs I like a good laugh and dance so most guys react when they see titties yeah they're just like ah look at your big stupid tit yeah I know that's not true because when I was Tina and I had big fakers on boy oh boy this the energy changed in this place it did huh yeah and also hey last week my stand-in yeah was she's in the lobby and she startled me when she was fucking perfect yeah well I looked at her I took a double take I go is that is that me she had all your best features and none of the you know baggage words words yeah yeah it was great yeah yeah

hey happy 600 episodes happy 600 episodes holy shit 600 episodes thank you everybody that has been with us for the long haul this uh this is a long time man 600 episodes I know Jesus Christ so 600 I know I know well we celebrated well we'll tell them about how later but okay just put it this way I wrote a song about it yeah my name is Tom Tom Tom I like to come come come all over my wife wife wife find on her bum bum bum we like it catchy maybe you and the king can write a song together catchy wait what does he say about his his merge she goes it's different different so why is the K backwards he goes different what I slept good

what we do your role play show me how you do it good morning what I slept good yeah wow I mean but think about it I was pretty good acting I mean that was fuck it that you you can't teach that no they could show that they would show that in an acting class because most people can't do it that way I mean he was literally in his mind reacting to a question being asked that you thought you you didn't hear the person who's in the room like did that turn the volume I know did somebody ask something I know that's good acting I know do you think he studied formally no I think he's just gifted like that wow yeah I was like watching wake up I got the coffee going showers running what

I know I was thinking is this Al Pacino yeah is this Robert De Niro Al would watch that and be like god damn that guy's good yep yeah and you know what's really neat too is he knows how his body looks on camera he knows how to cheat the angles yeah you want to open the show yeah okay I'm just excited to be back let's open the show yeah here we go if I just had the chance oh but the girls they never want to dance oh they don't want to be seen with a double denim man who is Randy he's the new star don't bring anyone loving to this don't burn when the fuck is there welcome welcome welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura

Tom Segura and Christina Pajitz and Christina Pajitz welcome to your mom's house yeah double denim man double denim man yeah he's a true YMH fan huge fan and also I gotta say I um I I dig it I dig the outfit I dig the song I like the four VCR stacked on each other I'm a double denim man I like it he's right though a lot of ladies don't appreciate the Canadian tuxedo yeah and they should they should it shows that he can match and I like his shirtless look yeah yeah that's cool and he's passion and as a musician myself I appreciate his talents yes you know my rap song is now officially out it is pretty crazy that you have a rap song with cray Sean with cray Sean um I it's out right now you can get it everywhere

songs are sold she's rad when you're rad she's amazing and the mom's called the mom's song and there's there's a remix too there's two versions there's a remix I didn't even know that I think young skirt did it okay I didn't know I didn't know you were knee deep in the game like I am you know am I do I call it a rap song I feel I would just nah how do you say it just I gotta track out I got a record out I got a hot track out yeah but I don't have a whole record I just have no no that's what individual songs are called a record shut up yeah when did that happen about 30 years ago oh I got a record out y'all yeah check it out yeah like the artists don't say I have a song they say we made a record we made a record cray Sean my hero I can't believe it I feel like I can

die happy now yeah that and last night something special happened to me too when you got back from Des Moines Des Moines Des Moines Iowa yeah how did they get that beautiful French name I'm not sure I don't seem much French what's the history of Des Moines you're gonna ask him no I'm just curious because I mean there's gotta be obviously a reason some French right it was incorporated as Fort Des Moines which was shortened to Des Moines yeah French oh after the Des Moines River which was likely was adapted from the early French name Riviera Des Moines meaning river of the monks yeah there you go again I saw no French influence well that was super fast good job Nadov yeah I'm surprised I think it was the other Nadov that did it oh my bad

oh good job good job here's what I did notice in Des Moines and I thought it was really funny and silly they're they have like a 7-eleven but it's not called the 7-eleven it's called the come and go the come and go k-u-m and go well yeah if you wrote c-u-m right that's because they have to be 18 I think you know right like they had an awareness that that is absurd right yeah you know that they were like well we can't call it the c-u-m and go let's pick up some smoke to come and go jeez what happened when you got back well hold on so there's the come and go and then they have a spin-off called the get and go the g-i-t and go get and go the get and go and it's also in Des Moines it's still in it's Des Moines yeah get and go and the come and go

what the fuck I know man I feel like that's a dirty little secret that no one knows about I've exposed them now oh now they're in trouble yeah so okay so I came home and listen it was a two-plane day yeah I woke up at pretty early I had showed the night before I'm filthy I've been sitting in other people's yuck on air two airplanes my ass is swampy when I get home first thing I do is I shit and I shower immediately you were so fired up yeah now here's why I usually I have you on a 72 hour milking schedule I neglected to milk my bear before I went on my journey that's on me that's my bad so when I came back it was like an overdue invoice was on my desk and you're like it's it's overdue lady it's past due like collections was coming for me

and I came in yeah and the kid said hello to me and it was like come on come on let's go let's go I'm like are you fucking serious and I was I had PT in like 10 minutes when you needed your DT before you could get your PT yeah so I go okay but I have to shit I still have to shit I didn't shit that day yet it was two in the afternoon I've been up all day flying I took a quick hurry dump it was disgusting and I go I'm I'm so gross right now yeah and you're like I don't care and you force yourself on me yeah it was it was it was a little kinky out we can just say that it was a little kinky it was it was kinky and then gosh I don't it mean I oh I can feel it oh that's gonna be good and did I deliver or not because I was on Rogan last week talking about how

much I come and I got tagged in a bunch of like memes and stuff and then I wanted to take a photo and be like see show people yeah I will say it was an extraordinary amount of cum like that YMH sign could have been painted in your car I think that is your cum yeah it was so much it was so much that you could see how that invoice had built up right yeah it was like collections were like we're coming to the house not paying this bill yeah it was so much I don't think I could have done PT I had like rage in me I mean I would have been like all right I'll you know I'll be back in a minute you were so fired up now why couldn't you empty your chambers I could have but then I knew you were coming home so I was like why not give her a gift you know as soon as she gets here

because I thought about it I was like gosh you just crank it out yeah why didn't you take care of yourself then you're like oh I landed I was like hmm maybe I'll save it for you know but why hadn't you cranked one out I was gone for three days and I know sometimes I mean you were gone okay well I was exhausted because I drove every day in Texas when I was doing the Spanish show so I drove you know San Antonio to Houston Houston to Dallas Dallas to Austin like kind of worn out like you you weren't jerking off and driving is what you're saying that's right right I had people in the car yeah so what if you were like guys hey guys this is just something I do when I drive hope you don't mind uh no and then I had the um then I had the super early flight to come back okay so that day

I'm just wiped Saturday we overlapped right so Saturday morning I mean you know that whole day I was wiped and then I crashed that night at like I don't know what time it was you know I mean like eight o'clock and I was so tired so I could have um you know I don't know but dude don't you feel like do you ever crank them out before you go to sleep so that you sometimes sometimes yeah but you were so I was so tired that it wasn't like necessary or even in the hotel I figure in Austin like that would have been such a romantic nice setting you're at the nice hotel you're romantic alone like oh Tom how are you looking in the mirror you know what I mean it's clean it's inviting no one's gonna scream at you no kids are gonna run in and just look at myself in the mirror and I'm just like

don't be stingy give it to myself do you think people do that look in the mirror when they masturbate some people I'm sure do I don't I know this is not an appetizing thing to look at for me neither same do you but do you think that's a thing like there's people a hundred percent I love if you can picture it it's a thing yeah you guys watch yourself ever I mean I try not to I've caught a glimpse I don't particularly enjoy it but yeah right I'm saying like I like to watch enjoy it I like to watch what happens but I don't like to look at myself like as you're doing like making eye contact with yourself no no no no that's what I'm talking about like what's sicko is like I'm sure people super narcissists they're just like I'm hot jerking off to themselves

yeah like Christian Bale and yeah that's a perfect person American Psycho yeah a narcissist psychopath yeah he's like I look so good right now yeah by the way he does he did I'd watch Christian Bale jerk off in American Psycho I'd be like you look good man yeah yeah but that was that was crazy Tom I know I mean I looked I really thought about grabbing my phone being like just let's just get a pig no it's bad enough we're talking about it now whatever it's it was a like how can I okay okay if you've ever made homemade Cinnabon's like you know the kind that you get in the tube and then you crack them and then it comes with like that container yeah of of the it's frosting yeah maybe like somebody dropped four of them

so much frosting yeah yeah that's that's what it might yeah on the right so we look like yesterday after yeah Tom and then you go I'm just gonna get right in the shower yeah and I was like well let me untie you first you know oh god and then the worst part is you interrupted my shit so then I had to go back and finish my dump I'm telling you it was a level fucking five threat emergency yeah a common emergency how many husbands do you think exist like that but they don't say it to their spouses a lot and then there's probably another huge percentage that say it and the wife's like get the fuck out of here you know like I don't care that was me I was like no I know but I was like you know you want to

live yeah how do you like your life you like your house Jenny huh one of those because I I but here's the thing on in real talk I'm so appreciative that you you feel like you can come to me for your cum needs yeah I can be your cum dog like that's that's the job as a wife is to be your cum dog at the cum and go I'm your cum and go you are my cum and go come and go yeah yeah we should make t-shirts for me okay I don't know if you want to I don't know who wants to walk around with I'm a cum and go can I tell you though as crazy as my mom was she did tell me that about marriage she's like this is your job is a wife the woman you have sex with your husband you have to have sex with your husband otherwise he has sex with

somebody else and I was like oh it's like thank god my mom taught me that yeah and she did teach me to cook too she was like men like when you cook you have to cook for I'll tell you it is a super bummer too I have friends that have the full spectrum of relationships with their wives you know yeah like and then like some that regularly just have a healthy sex life with their spouse thank god and I know which friends those are and then then I have the friends who are like yeah you know I get sex like a few times a year and I'm like what what are you talking about and they're like yeah it's just she doesn't want to and I'm like well why don't you kill her you know well there are times I don't want to I'm not well I'm not saying I'm not going to pretend like

I'm all horned up after spending a day with our two kids like I'm not saying that somebody Jesus Christ never can be like I don't want I'm saying when someone's like oh it's four times a year I'm like oh that's terrible but I do even when I don't want to what do I say to you this one's for you this one's for you yeah yeah and then you weep into the pillow no but then I go what else do I make you do head scratches nah you don't even give me head scratches which I'm gonna work on that with you I want you to take a head scratchy class a cuddle class I want cuddles and scratches and affection not just come and go that's all you know is come and go I make you get me a glass

of wine I said oh yeah some wine Cindy because then I'll that'll switch me into out of mom mode and that's right you go let me get fucked up enough to lay you yeah and then and I don't care you don't care don't care because it does put me it puts me in a better place in a better place I get you a glass of wine put some music on yeah yeah and then I then I'm like I knock on their neighbor's window I go watch this and then they come out they watch could you imagine yeah how disgusting do we look when we do it oh it can't be good I wouldn't want to see it there aren't many couples that look good banging right no I mean basically it's like fitness couples they're the ones who would that's it I mean that's what porn stars are they're basically

fitness models who are having sex you know that's so true and it's upsetting this I I get upset seeing even a guy a little out of shape yeah I'm like get him the fuck out of here me too yeah like when they say milk porn are like natural people I'm like why I don't want to see people that look like me I want to see exceptionally attractive yeah yeah fit people really fit yeah lot of trauma in their youth yeah yeah no I want to see hot bodies okay which okay which category of PO are in yeah I'm still spelling it because we have kids so I don't know why I spell it but I'm I thought our kids were in here for a minute okay when you see which category of porn do you immediately like like you can't even imagine clicking on like I'll start you off with mine

milk is like I don't want to see somebody that looks like me or has kids in my porn yeah but you realize in the porn milk means like she's 28 right like she's not an actually retirement age yeah they're not actually I know but but in my head because it's a mom in the title I'm like I don't want anything to do with like my life milk um I don't know let's just go to a site here um oh butt stuff I don't want to see anal stuff well I don't mind seeing anal stuff I don't want to see gaping I don't know that doesn't do it for me not interested not cool or not for me I should say gaping is definitely not for me yeah that's not I don't know it just doesn't do anything for me it looks more medical than yeah see when I see a dick in a butt I'm like

no dude I don't want to see butt stuffs I don't want to see squirts when I see squirts I click off do you like squirts it's it's not something I seek out I mean I don't want I'm not like oh I gotta go see some squirting right now I won't click on squirts oh I won't click on super old guy and I'm not interested in that you'll watch that I've watched it yeah it's not but I don't seek it out it's not like a like oh this is gonna be doesn't do it I'm trying to see here I don't like to see exceptionally heavy people like when like the whatever big anything I'm like no no now are you into specs appeal you like the glasses thing it's not I don't know it's not a thing I'm looking at these right now the dog has them up here if you want to I know but I can't like all I'm seeing are

the images I can't really see what I don't like choking I don't like gagging I want harming this is like actual old women I don't like that at all nobody does like granny they call it mature but like that's an old-ass bitch that's what it is old-ass how mature Jesus let's see chubby no thanks cream pie yeah um let's see casting I don't like too many storylines pregnant I don't like oh fuck that no no way anything with too much of a storyline I don't want to see that either like I don't need a story I don't care I'm not watching a movie yeah the squirting thing is more like a it's kind of like what's it called like a spectacle oh I know what you don't like what small tits yeah you can keep those small tits are out cosplay any nerds doing cosplay that doesn't

do anything for me the gang bang thing like I'm not it's not doesn't really do anything I mean I've seen them I'm not I mean I've seen it but I it's not something I go like oh I want to rub one out let me watch a gang bang right I don't really it's not your fisting not into fisting I could do without that category entirely solo male no thanks I don't need to watch a guy jay's d I live with one that does that British is fun I like British just porn in Spanish is good because I feel like it kind of knocks out two things I'm working on yeah see like I feel like an orgy is a spectacle yeah like you go like holy shit yeah but to me it's not as as you know why I can't it's not masturbation like for me it's like watching a fireworks show it's too much there's too much

and I don't know what to focus on like I'm like what oh oh who's this oh she's now he's fucking her too like it's just it's too crazy it's too much action it's a lot and also I don't like when they have orgy scenes in horrible places I saw one it was like a picnic scene and the girls were all on the grass and and the dudes were on the grass and I'm like this can't feel good because I can tell how uncomfortable that is for everybody yeah what's 60 fps what 60 fps 60 frames per second what does that mean um it's a faster frame rate I don't know why it would be good and porn though yeah is that that higher quality oh no thanks come shot compilation I'll check it out verified models no way nothing animated that animated shit fuck that this is a kind of this is a this is one

called mom and anal all right what about smoking that's kind of cool smoking oh this is a woman fisting another woman I'm not into it I don't like fisting at all pissing also doesn't do it for me I'm pretty vanilla hey tattooed women Tom that's me that is you all right well yeah we get it most of these are acceptable you know not hard passes but you had your hard passes fisting was a yeah no no no anime hard pass hard pass on those the other one the orgy thing it's just that it's not that I'm like oh I can't it's just I don't feel aroused by it just there's too much over overstimulation yeah yeah yeah even like I don't know I just rather watch a couple right you can really get into their

the details of their lives like did he take out the trash is she rewarding him for getting her car detailed do you think those kind of thoughts is he a good father and husband absolutely yeah I'm like he earned this this is good for him I bet he paid all the mortgage on time yeah yeah did he mow the lawn oh boy is that how you watch porn yeah did he deserve those or not I'm glad we've never talked about this before I don't I don't I don't think those thoughts I do like to see that they're enjoying themselves I get really upset if I feel like they're not enjoying you like I don't care about the guy's expression but on a woman's face it is so clear when like they're doing it and you see like her go like like a look in her eye where you're like oh she

doesn't want to be doing this by the way total turn off though total turn I'd rather just sell it sell that you want to be there because I don't like it's the same thing as like in real life the whole thrill of sex is that you're having sex with somebody that wants to have sex with you and I want to watch somebody have sex with people like I want them to want to have sex like yeah yeah I know like it's so it's so weird when not weird but it's just like oh when you see her like oh fuck I gotta I gotta pay this fucking car bill yeah shoot the scene yeah I don't like it or if I see that her vag is dry I can tell I'm like oh that looks like it hurts you can tell I can tell when a woman's vag is dry I'm like oh poor girl she's just fucking forcing that thing in there

I don't mind if she does this like oh wow like that that works but I don't want her to be like you know bored yeah staring off like what happened and you know what I get hung up on too is bad hygiene like if he goes into the stink and then back into the pink I go nuts I'm like that's not that those are not by the way speaking of hygiene everything you're a big Adidas fan obviously you rock Adidas all the time have you thought about getting their new tank top can I tell you yeah they are so woke with their campaign so they have plus size models and now it's armpit hair I mean it's so ridiculous obviously the funny thing about this is that it's it's so deliberate we're like they had to go like yeah hey we chose you you want you got the campaign you're gonna model for Adidas don't

fucking shave your armpits though because we need to show consumers that we're woke yeah lift lift your arms up it's not it's not like she could just have hair and then if it happens to show yeah yeah for some reason every girl who has armpit hair they have to show it off right like Madonna's daughter Lola has armpit hair and like every photo of her on Instagram she's got her arms up to show you the armpit hair yeah and you have to have a lot of you have to have like lordess people I know the women who have armpit hair have to have pride yeah it's not just that they have it it's that I you know what we all have hair yeah I know we do but you're gross yeah see like that one she just posted with her mom and yeah it's like you know you know what you're doing like if you're into

that good for you you know me this is worse than a fucking fisting scene arms up let me show you I don't shave yeah Adidas has been they've been doing this and I I'm always on their website and I don't like it I don't want to see it I want to see people that are fitter than me better looking than me and who shave and who shave and who are who are women that are compliant with western standards and see to me to me this is the equivalent of me being a fitness model it's like it's fucking gross you are on adidas's website well yeah adidas might be like yeah this guy is a he's a model too nobody's a model no no I'm not well that so there's a Sephora by our house and they have a this campaign app too where it's like you know everyone's beautiful and all the models and Sephora are not

beautiful now and I'm like dude nobody fucking is like I don't want to buy the makeup so I look regular you buy the makeup because you buy the fantasy the illusion that you're going to look better right I want to buy that so I get better shape and you know man this is what they're selling they're selling you hope yeah that's what you're buying you buy hope it's capitalism yes it's a false promise everybody fucking knows that I buy reality I buy the the gear that I see like super yoke jack dudes wearing being like oh I that'll be me that's what's going on in your brain you'll be sexier yeah the opposite sex will love you more yeah like this to me says like if I buy that hey you want to be a pig yeah I'll be a hairy pig yeah do you do you are you not gross enough

and that seriously and I love adidas this is my this is my brand throw up jean I wouldn't buy this because I don't like the photo unconsciously adidas if you're listening on a subconscious level I will go no thank you because I don't want to look like this hairy pits I don't want it how hard is it it's not fucking hard to shave it's really it takes a second let's cleanse the palette okay something a little more like uh like you know chill and heartwarming this is America last time oh my god food fight do we have any context for this it's pretty rad no we don't know if like the server brought the wrong thing out or something I don't think so that is an all out

brawl man and someone took a hot steam boiling pot of water and throw it chairs yeah but and the person filming still eating that's the best part of the whole thing you see them you see the chopsticks go down this is the only thing I know for sure is that it's it's too like there's two groups fighting right this is this isn't like one or two people this is yeah it's almost like two families got into a fight does it say something um I'm not sure if this is it I'm finding a couple about fights at Korean restaurants but I'll do some more digging yeah what is that what does that top one say there the the orange the orange town link yeah two people stabbed during a large fight at Korean restaurant

this could be it let's just see if the the footage plays on this um mint party room okay wow so this that is wild I mean they're all wearing winter coats and that's in jersey right holy shit man but to capture the video you're right I I'm always amazed that people keep the camera rolling do you think that soup was was too spicy maybe that could have been it and they're like I don't want it that fucking orange do I get diarrhea dude or maybe like nothing worse than when uh you order like Calbee and they bring you bulgogi and you're like all right let's just fucking start a fight what are we doing that must be why yeah do you think the kimchi wasn't uh spicy or yeah or what didn't have like the flavor I tell you right

there I know that sundubu in the front there's like no orange in it that means it's not no flavor at all I mean and the sides all really good hypotheses for this those sides are delicious and that guy he he toppled over like a shabu shabu thing I don't know what's going on here that was intense man yeah I really enjoyed it yeah well I didn't I'm glad you did I don't like fights or people getting harmed you'd like this you'd like this you know that's my top my cup of tea you'd like this because this is this is silly this is the Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison just talking about the health minister named Hunt okay on the 19th of February Minister Hunt called the EU Health Minister to advocate for release again again Minister Hunt

Minister Hunt how much do you love that accent it's great Aussie accent it's so cool Minister Hunt uh the Aussies have a great accent yeah yeah I like them as a people so much I like I like them as a people yeah how do you do it do the accent so when I did did I tell you about I told you the story right do the accent mate I got uh I forget how this came about but I they asked me to do a table read for uh a part the lead part but just because people wanted to see the part red in front you know it's like the script myself a couple other people so I forget how I get contacted for it and they're paying me like a couple hundred dollars to read this and this is this is quite a while ago this is like close to 10 years ago so and they're like um can you do an

Australian accent and I was like yeah so so what I do is I go I rent Choppa Choppa Choppa are you in the movie with that Eric Eric Banna I think that's his name oh yeah which is a great movie and he has an amazing performance in it I watch that movie like over and over and oh yeah I remember yeah and I'm like recording parts of it and I keep like saying the lines in the script I'm reading to you know with his accent from the movie in mind yeah it's great movie if you haven't seen Choppa and so then I go to the table read and I'm like on page seven I'm the lead I'm like in every scene reading this thing for his people and at one point one of the producers just goes you don't have to do the accent and then I go it's no problem and I realized that at this point I'm basically

like I think I've switched from what I what was Australian probably for like the first page because it was so in my head from to now I'm like yeah so what are you talking about I'm like doing like a Brooklyn guy and they're like this please stop and I'm like no no no it's no problem I got it so you kept going I kept going I kept going okay well can we have some can we have a taste of it yeah I don't remember the um I mean can you give us some dialogue like yeah google the chopper yeah yeah do it in Australia might but first of all can we hear some Australian do you want to hear it yeah I want to hear some let's hear some Australian first let's hear let's hear Eric Banna and Chopper yeah are we can we can't play it I don't think we play that

well can we play more is this clip longer can we hear Australian so that he can he can tune this instrument a little bit I need to tune my instrument or let's do this let's do this I got a P I got a P too let's take a P break yeah pull it up anyway get it in my head oh there we go speaking in Australian accent all right okay we'll be right back it's so exciting right right might okay I don't want you to start talking so you don't lose it we brought up a script for you and Tom's going to play the lead character in this movie and I'll do the other parts is he's doing an Australian accent go right right I'm going to show you a little maneuver my mother taught me when I was a junior high fucking in my experience it has a 98

percent success rate in getting a man's attention and when used appropriately an 83 fucking rate of return on a dinner invitation it's called the fucking bend and snap oh look there's something on the fucking floor that I need to pick up you can't bend and snap now you fucking try you can't bend and snap that's right can't good at this time put a little arch in your back and maybe get your fucking foot more solid wow there you go wow Tom's a girl everybody that was good hey perfect like that good but cock the knee you know I mean more snap a little less bend hey come on everybody give it a fucking try that's how I did you did so good thanks a lot yeah that was really good I'm really impressed with your Aussie accent thanks so much good day mate that was really I'm sure the

reviews will all agree our Aussie listeners appreciated that yeah that was a little scene legally blonde love those of you who didn't pick up the the iconic fucking cut yes the iconic bend and snap scene what's the bend and snap scene you never know Paulette she teaches her manicurist how to get a man's attention you pretend to drop something and then you bend over and then you snap up one of the greatest movies of all time okay you did really well thanks I'm so proud of you thanks mate thank you oh oh Aussie Aussie Aussie oi oi oi they love it they love that shit oh yeah you'll get you just do that from the the wings of the theater use it Aussie Aussie Aussie and then fucking all at once 3,000 people I love that I wish we had that pride in America oh we do it's

white pride white pride do we have anything like that maybe a car USA USA yeah USA but it feels like someone's going to get hurt I know it does yeah like when you start chanting USA you're like oh shit yeah I know yeah you're right it doesn't feel good it feels like white white like who are we gonna fuck up are we bombing someone today oh lord well I'll tell you that was real good Tom thank you can I tell you I had a um are you gonna set up a clip or yeah no go ahead um I had a Pejitzky effect of my own by the way Rob Eiler did a fantastic job Jesus he's so good he's do better than me you said that like he's so much better than you different different put the K backwards because it's different I can't believe this well I can't say that he was great

no you can say but I thought you were gonna go like better than you well I mean you were great that day too don't take that I mean it's not like you weren't good you had the perfect attitude that day let's just watch a clip okay so do you remember the um the Russian wedding proposal I do yeah we found another crazy marriage proposal okay because we were like oh only the Ruskies would do something that crazy yeah you know but check this shit out oh god hi I guess you're not as white as this chick that was terrible

Jesus Christ that is so so insane if you're listening cops pull up to a gas station and they have their guns drawn and they tell a guy get on the fucking ground and he lays face down and the woman is like I'm his wife but she's you know I'm with him basically and it sounds like she's like I'll you know she stands in front of them like I'll get help them get yeah they ask him if he has a weapon on him and then he reaches into his coat and he pulls out a ring to propose and then she starts bawling probably because of the shock to her system of what just happened but um yeah that's very memorable yeah I don't yeah I don't know I don't like it yeah at all I would be so I'd be so upset with you if you did this to me I was like what

this was in Mobile Alabama oh my uh 2016 yeah wow wow different strokes you put a lot of thought into it he did and you know he'll be able to show this video forever forever yeah family friends holidays you want to see some cool shit yeah I really uh yeah wait but I have a poshitski effect I was going to what's your position you said play a video so I did it I know because I was I didn't like our exchange but Rob Eiler's fantastic I just want to say I really like him okay um so okay I had this epiphany today I've been doing the elliptical every day and I've been wearing the same sneakers you bought me when I was pregnant with Ellis so that's six years old my sneakers are six years old and I sweat in them every day and I had the epiphany

I can buy myself a new pair of running shoes you've bought a hundred shoes since then I know but never utility like actual running shoes yeah because I'm like I don't need to rebuy those those are like my work shoes my working horse shoes yeah they're not for fashion but then today I was like oh I can do it I use them so much I should probably I should probably replace these did you order some new ones I did immediately yeah good for you proud of you well and also the second thought was because you got those from me when I was pregnant and I was like oh this is like our first child oh right emotional and they're so good what kind are they they're like those boat shoes the wide the wide ones remember when I was super

big yeah with the wings on them I don't remember they're uh I don't know what the fuck they are maybe azidas okay with the boats on the bottom and I just loved them and I ordered myself some new running shoes for the first time in six years well if the model has hairy legs I think you should get them it sounds pretty cool only only if she's yeah severely overweight and Jesus has armpit hair oh my god so there you go well good that's a good Pajitzki effect man they're very people are writing in about them all the time well that that came up uh Rob Isler coined that term just reminded me yeah reminded me of him yeah it's pretty cool you can get you can get all the workout shoes you want I know I deserve them because I use them so frequently but I I just

never I never occurred to me I'm glad you're doing that and I left my phone charger in the hotel and I ordered you already yeah I'm not going to go without a phone now all right do you think you'll be switching your clock to the right time anytime soon no because it was daylight savings what was it a month ago something like that and it I still have to do the math on Tom's clock it's been if I put my phone on the clock it'll automatically update to the right time I just I haven't done it so every time I look at it I just go yeah add an hour me too it's been a while since daylight savings I don't care and it's not even exactly an hour it's like an hour and 15 or something so then I have to go I don't look at it though I don't look at it I look at it and then I do the

math just fix it for me fix it for you update it but I got that big fucking mom box on take the box order box it's too hard I can't once I take it off I can't put it back okay yeah all right okay pal okay buddy just so you know in the hotel yeah I left my toothpicks everywhere my flossers all over the fucking floor dude and I would like drop shit and just not pick it up because I don't give a shit I don't fucking care I drop water bottles on the floors left in there how gross are you how much gross are you when you're in a hotel I can be kind of gross I mean the room turns into a mess pretty quickly yeah I drop at like you know underwear like also I'll be like I should like at least put these underwear in a pile you know like clothes I've been wearing

um yeah I mean I don't know I'm kind of gross in it I'm so gross yeah I'm better than I used to just jerk off like on the walls and stuff I don't do that anymore where do you jerk off now into a towel into the hotel towel and then the cleaning lady gets to find that no I throw it out in the hallway so I figure someone will pick it up out there I eat my food in my bed I order room service oh yeah I eat it in my bed and then sometimes I'll drop juice from my food on my sheets and I'll still sleep in them I had a really personable um room service guy when I was in Texas one of these places like I ordered late because we had got back and I never had dinner so I just ordered I ordered something healthy and then the the guy showed up and he was like how's it going

today brother and I was like good and he gave me elbows and he was like yeah life's treating you well and I was like yeah he was I was like how about you he was like you know I'm just happy to be alive blessed to be and I was like okay all right and he just had that super upbeat attitude it was nice and you jerk you threw your jerk off towel on him yeah I was like you know what clean this I go uh I got something for you and he was like oh and he put out his hand like I guess you're gonna give me a tip and I go I am this isn't totally dry yet and I put it in his hand like that you're like still having a good day asshole and then he took it above his mouth and he went like oh wait dude scoop and score that's scoop and score as I only got some up here

that's my favorite thing you do you know what I did so I went to a Walgreens in Zamoie and I think my the lady behind the register was a little talked yeah okay because listen so I walk in and I'm always like I always greet people I look up in the eye I said I said to her I walked and I go hi how's it going and she just stared back at me dead eyed yeah and I was like hmm that's that's a zombie like that's weird yeah and then I got my items my makeup and everything and then I went to the register and I noticed I had to make a brown um so I asked her I said I go I go do you do you have a bathroom she goes yeah boop boop keeps ringing up my items like just yeah head down I'm like that's fucking weird right and then I was like

well um I go can I use it and she goes yep I go and then boop boop I go and then I was like does it have like a code like a nope she's like no I have to ask my manager to open and I was like get the fuck so finally I just couldn't take it anymore because I was like three questions you drop your pants and shit right there I shit my hand I threw it right in her fucking dumb face and I was like get smarter no I I ran back to the hotel and I shit so fiercely and there was no bidet and it's so awful to I had to go straight to shower yeah I had to do shit to shower and then as a bonus the the funny bone in Des Moines I got I got to shit with the audience it's fun they don't have a bathroom all the clubs all the clubs that don't have a bathroom for the

economics really cool clubs god damn it well I know you get there and you're like hey where's the bathroom and they're like right out there and you're like I I'm gonna shit with the audience and they're like yeah and you're like okay just make sure you mark down that I'll never come back okay well I'll tell you why it's it's it's okay because like I have to you have to hold your piss in between seedings I can't walk out into the lobby also when you're performing a lot of times like if you're if you're doing a show you are you know like personally I don't drink alcohol before I ever perform but I do drink a lot of water it's kind of like the anxiety of performing so I'll pee five times before I go on stage so it's like every time you got to be like okay

and you go out and you see the audience you're like hi and they're like oh hey we're about to what are you doing here you're like they don't have a bathroom for me that's what I'm doing here the worst it's the worst and at one point and I drink coffee before my spots because I'm you know up later than I really am so I have to take these like rocket shits because I I bring my own coffee the Starbucks instant ones because you know club coffee is terrible and I that shit is like white lightning like I got a shit man yeah and I took a dump in Des Moines and their fourth audience member right next to me and I'm doing like the multi wipe cleanup or like it's just not getting clean it's not getting clean it's not getting clean and I got to go up and perform dude I eat

there it's fucking do you mind you know what happened to me in Texas we went out for sushi after one of the shows and so I'm sitting with the two other comics and not the server but the food runner comes out and he puts a plate of like sashimi and a couple pieces of sushi in front of me what I ordered and he places it in front of me and I go oh can I get um soy sauce and chopsticks because there's nothing and he just looks at me and it gets to like three four five and I'm like he goes anything else and I go nope just the stuff you eat sushi with and he goes okay and he walks behind me and I was like I look at thank god there's other people there and they're like yeah what was that and he walks over to this table that's over here

and just starts busting the table like a table that people had left he's like picking up their plates and I was like so I was like I guess he's not bringing it right so I sat down I was like that's strange then the server comes by the guy who we took the order what he goes how is everything I go good I just I need a soy sauce and chopsticks and he goes oh okay okay and then he walks next to us over here and he just starts taking the order of the table here of like four or five people and I was like is this for real is this happening yeah and then only because there's one of those things that like you go looking at the other people and they were like what's happening I was gonna ask you I just watched him take and then the other guy stays busting the table he's like

so what happened 10 minutes later with your hands no 10 minutes I just sat there I mean you know just wait and then 10 minutes later the guy came back and he was like I got something for you I was like is it chopsticks and soy sauce he's like yep like thanks man you know I just think sometimes out of big cities people don't have the same sense of urgency for things and they have like you there's you live in LA New York might you get used to a certain like pace and like also just so people know who are listening I don't mind taking a shit next to somebody but when I'm performing performing is different it's it's what it is is like you want that surprise the first time they see you you're the

you're the headliner so you want that element of mystery surprise yeah you sit next to people in public all the time oh yeah it's fine at your show you don't want to you know like here's a game on the on the marquee hey you're taking it it's like going to see you know Beyonce and then she comes to take a shit I gotta take a shit wow you're here in the bathroom you get to take a shit next to Beyonce that's fun right like that's that's all it is you know come on I take you right I shit next to people all the time of course this is my new favorite lane of video here oh Jesus Christ yeah like she's on the shoot that reaction was like can I still walk

let me see it again yeah that was fun god damn and now she's smiling but she was like she was like should I smile do I still can I still move my arms god damn that was a good crack yeah I'm telling you I lose myself sometimes after shows now I just sit in my room and I watch chiropractic videos can you post them on your stories the chiropractor videos yeah I watch them on YouTube okay because like I would love to see what you're seeing I think I'm starting to like them too oh yeah it's it's like a total I guess I kind of understand more some people love ASMR you know and I that doesn't ASMR but I'm saying the effect

the effect of the the this has like a soothing effect to me for sure you you get them done do you like watching them too uh yeah I mean it's like the the way I got into getting adjusted was I went down a YouTube rabbit hole see where I saw life changing adjustments and nothing was wrong with my back but it's like I want a life changing adjustment yeah and then I fucked up my back forever and now I need to go there for function you'd like to be back for not from the chiropractic though from the first chiropractic that I went to really yeah he fucked you up it was a lady and she put me on some table that just kept on like decompressing and she went away for like 30 minutes and then I went on a flight to Israel for like 16 hours the next day I didn't

know that you can time that like that wow and then she was like all right so why don't you come back tomorrow and we'll fix the rest of you up I'm like I'm gonna be on a plane for 18 hours tomorrow she's like why the hell did you do this today I was like I didn't know why can't you do that I don't understand um if it's your first time getting adjusted uh they're just like especially with the new chiropractic they're like you know this might take like one or two sessions to figure out the problem area um and so she's like yeah come back and then whatever else is hurting then we'll take care of the rest of it and I was like I'll see you in like four weeks oh wow and then I found the new one uh which I really like and that's the one that was uh that we did the the live show segment

yeah yeah yeah he was great geez but it is weird to watch like when you watch them right because I don't know it's like sad the other thing is so they even have they have compilations of just cracks like if you just want to watch crack crack crack but most of the time you watch the session so there's a buildup to the big crack so you're like watching and you're like come on crack it come on you know and they're like they're like you know whatever like kind of tenderizing the area must like rear I'd let your shoulders drop it's like a whole thing and then it's like crack you're like oh yeah now do you like getting adjusted I've only done it a few times I did like it I did like it but I it's not a regular part of my routine I wonder do you like the relief it does it look like relief

yeah it is really it is relieving it's like the build up and it's like coming but yeah it's the coming it's like your joints are coming all over the place yeah yeah it's true now um I wanted to talk to you about something because kind of in this springtime new beginnings the Lord has risen do you feel like we can get you to consider converting to Catholicism and finally get on board with our Lord and Savior that's a really interesting proposition I mean Lord knows I'm not a fan of this J shit and I don't know if the C stuff is what I'm into but maybe you should go to you know just like a have a one-on-one with a priest and and discuss one-on-one isn't that what you see is called confession well that's what you'll be doing

later to kind of cleanse yourself for all the wrong things you've done well I mean you think you'll have to do a major cleansing because he's been a J this long oh yeah yeah yeah how are they gonna cleanse the J off of your penance is going to be days and days but I mean what's a penance you know your our fathers and your Hail Mary's to be forgiven you know it's just saying a poem yeah yeah yeah it's like it's like a meditative thing you know I could do that but I want them to you know just kind of pitch you on what what this sea life's all about you know I mean yeah can you guys give me the a bridged version like well what's what's a normal sea day I am a fucking jewel well well first of all do you feel guilty around sex like when you masturbate do you feel

guilty after sure but I mean I don't think that has anything to do with religion no that's that's key though that means that you're already kind of a natural fit yeah yeah if you deal with guilt on a regular basis you might be a good see oh see but I mean I think a J mothers know how to instill guilt to good good that means they're training you for both teams sick can you sit down for long periods of time look at me I got the body of a sitter you can sit yeah you feel guilty you like red wine I actually hate it yeah that's the blood of the guy well hmm wait what what other booze what other booze can I drink to be a good see no just wine is and the body of you don't like red wine any type it gives me a headache it makes me sleepy like I go into a hangover like

immediately like really like a sugar like a like you're coming off a sugar high yeah you like crackers like crackers it tastes like styrofoam they're not salty do I need to have a whole bag of it no no just one oh yeah I can do a cracker okay what about you guys eat crackers yeah sometimes it's the body of Christ now do you guys pray a lot do I need to go somewhere to pray yeah I mean look you don't have to pray all the time I mean if you're a real dedicated see what you're not gonna be definitely not you know some sees pray before meals um some pray when they wake up or go to bed like that kind of like ritual stuff you know pray when you really need help in the world that kind of thing or really need like hold on when I need help or like when you need a parking

spot you pray to st. Anthony yeah exactly for parking spaces that's the same of parking or lost keys if you lose keys yeah and I know you jays like to put that shit in your doorway what is that a mizuzela a mizuza mizuza take that shit down you're gonna have to replace them with a crucified Jesus do you mind looking at a guy on the cross with bloody hands and feet I mean yeah that's what gets me heart so I think I'd be okay with that yeah wait but is that a problem no I'm sick so what we'll do is I'm gonna call you guys have stuff in the doorway also no just crosses everywhere crosses in your house just everywhere that's not a doorway like on walls it's like walls yeah but you gotta take that mizuza down yeah the one that exists in your house that you can't do

both it's one another and uh virgin mary don't forget you know the virgin virgin she was uh Jesus his mom yeah yeah okay all right I got it but she didn't have sex to have him he would he was just placed in her and that was just put in there by god it's called the immaculate conception right by that but he put he put his d and mary well they don't say that in the bible specifically but that's an interesting way to it's implied it's implied that the baby was yeah now you jays believe that jesus existed but that that he's not the mishiah you think the mishiah is still gonna come that's right you gotta wipe that shit out of your head oh yeah jesus isn't even like a main character for us yeah I don't think he's in in I don't think he's in our books he's he is the star

of the show he is the star he is not old testament I know he's in the new test yeah don't yeah that that's some c-shit right there yeah yeah yeah well you're gonna have to accept you this is the new he's like the rock he's everywhere the rock yeah so this is like I need to like so if you like the original star wars it's like hey I hope you like this new this new shit that's right I gotta learn a new franchise and stuff that's right it's a new franchise but it's it's it's not fun it's not fun cool oh and you've had premarital sex he's gonna have to atone for that well yeah you're gonna have a lot of sins that you're gonna have to confess but you know it'll be fine you'll get a clean slate after he tells you what to pray about how how long am I gonna need to be reciting poems for before

I'm like back to square one well honestly he'll probably just be like 10 and 10 something like that it's not that big 10 and 10 oh so I could get that done in like a couple minutes oh yeah and he'll be like you're a clean slate if you died right now you go to heaven that's how it works for all C stuff yeah yeah I could fucking do the worst thing and then it's just say three and a half poems and you're good yep what about jays can you go to hell if you're bad even if you repent for jays once a year you say sorry and then and then you ask the person three times and if they say no three times like they don't forgive you three times it's now on them so we have a cool that's a good system we have a really good forgiveness system and what's the one time a year you asked for forgiveness

yumkipur and and do you literally hit people up about things you're sorry for I mean I have some jay friends that text me and like you could tell it's like a like a bcc type text where they just copy and paste it to everyone they're like hey if I did anything throughout the entire year that offended you let me know like I'm really sorry really yeah and then you just don't respond to those and then you just keep on going wow that's kind of cool now good news you get to experience Christmas with trees and presents and things what does that feel like that's the best that's the whole point of being a c yeah Christmas is the shit it's your Christmas morning it's the best it's the best it makes all the other

shit that I don't do anyway worth it yeah you're really missing out jays really miss out on and Easter's pretty dope yeah from what I've heard from my jay friends growing up yeah Easter's so much fun there's candy and you hide stuff and all my jay friends growing up said that in December they wish they were more yeah category but you know what that's also something that I'm going to miss out on I mean granted I don't take any of those here but I remember in school the jay holidays is like a you could have like most of the fall off yeah we don't do that yeah wait a minute no but didn't you say in Spain like the Catholics like European Catholics take off every other freaking they just do festivals and shit yeah there's so many Catholic holidays if you really went

real Catholic you'd have a lot of free time yeah a lot of downtime oh I'm going wait I'm going Catholic or like a Christian I want the no cat we're going Catholic dude that's the that's the hardest yeah but you don't have to go in the fucking sixth gear with it just kind of coast along neutral I mean do you want to go to heaven or not it doesn't sound like you could coast along what are you talking about you're looking at two fucking neutral seas right here do I look like a real religious guy to you I can't see what emblems on that chain nothing okay then no then there's not one iota you know what though I think at his level at his age don't we do a full body baptism like they're gonna have to dunk you oh that actually sounds kind of

dope you don't you don't have to like recut my dick or anything no no no no because we do that to you guys if you come to us what yeah but I'm cut I'm already cut I don't know we'd recut you recut no what do you mean recut there's nothing to cut it's like it's a it would be like a metaphorical like prick like they're like we gotta draw blood homie if you want to join what what wow you gotta really want it homie they cut your dick we don't cut your dicks see how much nicer seas are about that damn man I'm gonna get hard till I'm ready to come what's getting the dog baptized I think that'd be so funny it's a fun bit look at this crazy content we made we converted somebody we took a jay out of the world I had

to do my first communion when Tom and I got married because I didn't do my first communion and I had to do it on a Sunday at this point the funny thing is it feels so silly now it is silly yeah I mean more silly the ritual because we're such bad seas we do nothing I wouldn't say nothing hey yana hear me out we believe in Judeo-Christian ethics but we don't morals yeah yeah moral people we do not we but we're not practicing okay so we don't eat fish on Friday we don't ever go to church ever not even on the big days we never go to church I know but yeah we I believe and by the way you couldn't get me to go I will not go I will go for us but but I'll tell you though don't you think we abide by morals Christian values we are very moral people I mean come on we're not

dickheads we don't do anything dicky no I mean like we abide by a Judeo-Christian morality yeah but we're good people I know in our private lives like we don't we we're very loyal we we're good people okay but I don't think you got to be a C to do that I think you can just be I think you can be a I think most people are non-religious good people so should I start going to church a church on Sunday no don't you fucking start with that shit father Abraham had many sons so many sons had father Abraham and I am one of them and so are you I should I do a Jewish have a new shalom

before you're not from here wait Pennsylvania Ohio go back asshole too bad you don't have insurance come on put that down too the assholes are driving to her car the wreck can get a fix you got no fucking insurance do you probably why you got ball tires do asshole stupid faggot grin on your face telling you man they don't play this in church and that's the real bummer I've wanted to do this so many times so if I I relate to this oh yeah I think everybody everybody wants to say this to somebody fuck boy he knew fuck boy he knew everything yeah everything down put that on your Facebook

fuck boy it's a weird place like you're like where are they at a stoplight looks like it's a parking lot you know I could like a dirt yeah gravel driveway those bushes with the fence next to it I'm like I don't understand the context of this but I enjoyed it it's pretty good yeah that was really fun put that on your Facebook Jesus I saw this this made me laugh my ass off he's so scared yeah that's funny I don't think I share that sensibility I like the cruelty I like mental illness I don't like people being in terror terror terror okay let me say that word right terror yeah

terror there's some words that we've both mispronounced we've learned that there's other words that other people mispronounced that really enrage me yeah what's what's your number one and then I and I'm hearing it more and more now is people saying especially you know people are like yeah especially and I'm like especially you mean especially yeah why are you getting X out of it and it's it's directly correlated to people all like so many people say expresso well you're like what are you doing to me that's even more unforgivable given that we have a huge coffee culture now huge coffee culture and also it's written everywhere everywhere everywhere yes yes not expresso but why do they hear expresso I think the I think expresso

is more almost more forgivable because so many people are mispronouncing it that I think it's leading to other people mispronouncing it I see I mean like it's so widely used especially I my fucking I almost have a fucking seizure every time I know oh especially like what especially it's especially especially ESP especially yeah I mean I guess same way right ESP is expresso but people are mis saying it so much where are you hearing this espresso you you hear mispronounced or you can stand in line at any coffee shop oh expresso I hear first of all it's written on there and the person in front of you will say I'll have an expresso and the barista will be like double expresso oh my god and you're just like okay oh my god and moron I don't like it but especially

I'm like hey dumb fuck oh it's a horrible it's people are so stupid and and you know my dad used to say it all the time when I was a little girl and I didn't believe him but he said everybody is on drugs yeah or they're fucking stupid yeah and I'm like the older again I'm like do my dad was right everybody's fucking stupid or on drugs man yeah you know what I hear a lot um the addict it's in the addict at the addict for an addict oh adding the D yeah go look in the addict like that's not the that's not the word that's all kinds of stupid it's all and I there's a song I like like Christian death it's a god man and he says he says addict and it makes me crazy and it's made me crazy since I was 15 years old I hate it addict addict yeah yeah yeah I would I would stop at that

too I but you tell me if I say stuff wrong right like you've been telling me yeah yeah you don't let me say things wrong well I started to we talked about how your your ing is all wrong I'm like every word what do I say I go you say like something something yeah this is Hungarian this is a problem yeah something yeah that's so fucked up it's a fucked up I'm trying I'm trying guys I caught myself on Rogan when I said I won I go won won yeah I won hey you saw his new studio yeah it looks great it's awesome I can't wait to see it yeah it's great he has a cool really cool setup young Jamie's there oh yeah it felt like it felt like old times it was great I'm so excited I'm so I'm starting to get nervous it's getting real this move I know but what our audience doesn't

know is that after we move you'll still be seeing us here because our studio won't be ready for a minute you know there's a lot of work that goes into like and the funny thing is we got the ball rolling in November especially yeah say especially because we got the ball especially because we got the ball rolling in November we that's how they're like like hey how long till the studio I'm like well you know the lawyers need to look at this document and then approval on this thing and then the permits and you're like is it not really going to be ready and they're like oh no no not till it was a lot plus with your accident I think we were like dude we're just not going to hurry anything this year's been so traumatic yeah I think it just it was like

you know what let's just fucking go just whatever we'll figure it out yeah we can't you can't plan everything you know you're still recovering you just recovering did I say it right yeah not recovering recovering you're still recovering and you know we'll take our time yeah we'll take our time people ask me about you all the time really so how are you doing will you tell people how are you feeling you're physically oh I mean I physically feel amazing I feel great yeah yeah I just you know it's it's healing still my leg actually I thought I would struggle more with it and it's basically now I mean I can do 60 minutes on the elliptical wow without any discomfort or anything um building up the quad back to where it was they said think of it as a year project you know so I just gotta

strike put a load on it like have you know I mean to build the most yeah I come all over my leg and then it's a calm episode today so that muscle has you know deteriorated quite a bit and then also rotator cuff area delts everything this is much weaker so yesterday PT she gave me like isolated movements just for like building up strength in the air in this area so everything you know but you know the hand it gets a little better it's so much every week it gets better and better yeah it's a weird thing it's weird it's weird to feel like oh you know the sliding glass door you go do it you're like like oh wow my strength that I just completely took for granted and I used to lift I never was like a really strong lifter but I would lift like fairly heavy weight

you know and um yeah it's like it's back it's like completely starting like a child I mean I was doing maxing out with 15 pounds in this hand for months I just got clearance to go above it so yeah I mean you just have to start over but it's it's I'm not bummed out about it like it's I have a good attitude I think about it and you know I eat super clean and healthy now and I'm working out pretty much six days a week yeah you've been really dedicated yeah very dedicated I know it's crazy when your body like fails you or changes on you like after having kids my body's not it's not the same you're just never yeah never the same I mean little things this according according to the doctors I should be able to be back completely fine

back to where I was over time but just you have to do the work you have to keep working out and everything you know it's so crazy when it happened I didn't think it I didn't even think about this process of rehab yeah I just thought people like broke their arms and then you put it in a cast and then you're fine I had no idea that you had to go through this much rehab this was like it wasn't just an arm break you know like it was I mean it was but I mean I broke my humerus a lot of people break you know like their forearms and broken the humerus completely in half and then the that nerve getting kind of bruised and bumped around so it's a it's a major break it's considered a trauma injury and then the nerve is the thing that you go like like I still have numbness here you know

you haven't worn a watch or a ring or anything because everything feels weird on my hand still you know so uh yeah it's it's it's strange it's a strange feeling but I don't know I um I've also gotten you get you know we're so adaptable I've gotten so used to it like I've gotten used to the fact that like oh yeah this hand doesn't work as well this arm isn't as strong you just kind of keep going and just keep going I mean I love honestly like what my main it's funny my one of my main main concerns getting out of the recovery and everything was just can I still do stand-up yeah oh my god I know that was like really my main concern like I was like will it be to the point that I can stand on stage and do and do stand-up yeah and now that I've done in a few

times and feel great I'm like oh okay like if I got no better if this was the best I could ever be I would be fine really yeah I mean I wouldn't be thrilled that this is the best I could be but the fact that I can do my job and I can function in the world like I can drive I can I can hold my kids probably not two at a time but like I can still pick them up and you know come all over you like as long as those things are I was kind of sad your first worry wasn't can I jerk off with my left well I knew I knew that my right hand would do that really sure yeah yeah you weren't worried about that I thought about it I was like you know I'm not really a lefty when it comes to that so it's not a not a big concern gosh what a bizarro I'm still in like I think I I think

I dissociated in December when it happened yeah and I'm still like no everything's fine in terms of your yeah getting injured because if I really think about how vulnerable we all are and if I lost you I would just be like I think that's why I keep having these recurring dreams that I'm losing you yeah yeah I think it's why I'm afraid of losing you what would I do jeans oh my gosh it'd have been like a super serious like yeah yeah it would be fucked up I know who would well thank God we have Rob Eiler he would just right sit right one of us dies yeah no I would keep that blow up doll there for how long just out of respect forever every day I'd be like hey I love you to the doll yeah and I'd like you know like when in certain countries they pay respect to like the

paintings and stuff and they leave gifts I would put flowers on it and your off render yeah offering yeah they are the Los Muertos that's right you would put you put me on your off render yeah that'd be cool it'd be rad yeah yeah no I'm glad you're okay that was horrible it was truly awful by the way I see that you painted your nails which is lovely yeah somebody else is not going to be painting their nails the way they used to I don't know if you know this yeah we've seen this lady before yes we've made fun of her before yeah we have the world's longest fingernail she clips them after 29 years does it say in the article why this woman did yes can you make that larger for out they said for obvious reasons like well it's been obvious for

decades ruining her life so a little bit bigger sorry scroll back up to the top here we'll see the woman who's been taken care of her keratin for nearly three decades said no said so long to her world record fingernails but she needed a power tool to do it Ayanna Williams had been the Guinness world record holder for the longest fingernails on a pair of female hands 2017 when they merely measured a combined 19 feet she turned in her title for a much needed manicure and it's pretty insane to see look at those oh I think she wanted to put them in the Guinness Museum right they're going to be in they are in the museum now I think it said that she was just sick of it like I can see why yeah I can see why they're absolutely revolting scroll a little bit

more please scroll down Williams went to Dr. Allison Reddinger of Trinity Vista Dermatology in Texas earlier this month to get her fingernails sawed off with an electric rotary tool after revealing she'd been growing them for about 29 years she told the doc she had mixed emotions about my babies going but said the time had come but she'd because she'd grown tired of them for obvious reasons we think oh look and now she has like still quite long fingernails but not nearly as long as they were they were so disgusting those nails are still longer than the average woman with long nails yeah you can't by the way you can't stick that what her hand was behind your ass into a toilet no dude like they never talk about like how do you wipe your ass well when I had when

I was Tina and I just had those little fakers I ripped them off after the first 15 minutes because I'm like I can't wipe my ass I can't pull down my pants to go pee I don't know I never had long nails like that yeah and you see how gross they grew over they looked like like car bunkers you know yeah so they're they're in Ripley's believe it or not museum in Orlando yeah hey I'm gonna do Orlando I might stop and make a pilgrimage to see these disgusting nails okay but you know how they they look all cruddy and like crusted over for 29 years yeah she can't wipe her ass you can't how do you pick your nose most importantly can't pick her nose can't wipe her ass it'd be a horrible hand job I'm sure horrible yeah how was she sexually active I mean I do

like a little nail action you know yeah okay how did she even do dishes or drive or it's a good way out of all those tasks yeah maybe that's why she did it how much was drive I can't how much was cleaning dishes yeah how much was wiped my ass yeah what kind of gig can you have doing yeah those all right I heard you bitches looking for me all right right a few talks today okay okay just a few you don't want to oversaturate yeah just a couple here we go these are all curated by the great Christina P tiktok's queen of content here we go got it pro tip save every picture of every girl in her late teens and early 20s that you are sleeping with from now till the end of time catalog them by name

and make sure you can access these pictures quickly they will become incredibly useful later in life when the same girls try to return to your rotation in your 30s and 40s and try to make fun of you for sleeping with a younger woman having this information at your fingertips you can then bust out a picture of what they used to look like and go there this is why I'm sleeping with her this is what you used to look like it no longer exists but I caught it in its fleeting moment of beauty you gave it to me 10 years ago and now I'm giving it back to you please cherish it forever never lose it and I will catch you in the next lifetime don't forget to follow like comment and share god now there's a cool guy he's really fucked up this guy first of all you know what

it registers to me is this dude's so hurt so hurt he is so fucking hurt god damn I know because I thought it was just going to be hey keep naked pictures of the people you bang so that yeah one day when you're married yeah you can jerk off or something that's what yeah that's what I thought he was like and to tell that bitch she's no longer worth your time geez and what about him though he doesn't look great either oh really everybody yeah I know fucking cunt geez such a dick you fuck nut what is the best smell and clone that I could buy from a store let me know because I plan on buying some clones and I want the best smelling one all right what do you think the best smelling cologne is I don't know babe

I don't know most women don't like hey pup spiky here you walk the path that takes you where you want to go because the only one you need to make happy is yourself hail satan this I thought was neat because not only is he into pup plate he's a satanic pup player who gives life advice yeah it was a good one I had a little bit of everything a little bit everything you know I'm saying one of the scariest things to see in prison yeah how did he do that noise I don't know probably his soul that is broken from the horrific conditions that he lives in is this a fun talk I love it I mean your injury videos and my mental illness talks that potato potato babe I get tickled by this stuff I love it I could watch these

imagine the horror that is this person's reality you know your chiropractic videos where you get relief like I scroll through tiktoks to feel comfortable and happy inside but this one this didn't freak you out yeah that's the point I felt weird I was like whoa I've never seen that this looks like a kid yeah it's a kid in a third world prison yeah don't go to prison don't go to jail it's bad don't go to jail that's a good one that's a good one that guy is fighting the enemy yeah by the way what's great is when you see an adult doing what literally what your five-year-old does but your five-year-old son is like beating the bad guys and you're like okay and this guy's 36 I don't know yeah he's playing Power Rangers in his backyard like yeah it's not that hard what he's

doing too he really thinks he coordinated some John Wick shit right there you see that shit I liked it too I like the spirit of that one yeah it is like why yes I collect Garfields am I ashamed of it no actually this is the first Garfield I had ever gotten got it Christmas from my mom it was the first thing me and I really bonded it was love a Garfield so uh yeah I know okay well here's the thing I just like I know we're in an era where we're supposed to support what everybody does all the time and like congratulate them for being weirdos and like I think we should start shaming people a little bit just to put them in line like this is super lame you know he's not gonna get laid showing his Garfield I'm doing it for his own good I don't

think it's gonna get through to him you don't think he's gonna understand no no like if I told him dude no one's gonna touch your dick if you show them he'll be like oh you mean everything will stay the same it's not his priority it doesn't affect him the same way you don't think so no what okay just Garfield yeah an air pressure of just 4.5 psi is generally sufficient to rupture the human colon there you go what do you think of that didn't know that do you like her chest hat it's very pretty okay what god you're such a stick in the mud I can't believe we don't enjoy this as much

this was um a lot of fun I really enjoyed it we're gonna close on uh just let me eat you by flour socks um I really enjoyed it I love you I love you too flour socks production when you come home baby you just gotta jump jump jump in the tub with all them bubbles for all your beautiful women just let me eat you one time just let me eat you one time just let me eat you one time I guarantee you you want to ask me to stay to your house just let me eat you one time just let me eat you one time I guarantee you I'm with you 100% you gonna sleep for three days my baby I'm telling you I ain't nothing nice I'm federal once I touch your booty I'm gonna show you get what they're both you are going to sleep for 3 days

my baby I'm gonna make you cry girl lay down boy I'm gonna show you I'm gonna make you cry I'm gonna give a damn where are you from I'm gonna give a damn where are you from , I wanna dig in your booty I'm gonna give a damn where you from let me put my tongue in your ass come use that bow huh or guess what I'm coming at your fat ass it doesn't matter if you got a big booty or a flat booty

or guess what I'm coming at that coming at booty I'm coming to get that new noon and I want to push your feet too ooh that's some kush kush I got a lie y'all know what's a banana split I'm gonna show you we're gonna use your booty