Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 602 - Justin Martindale - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: May 5, 2021

SPONSORS: - Download Best Fiends FREE today on the Apple App Store or Google Play - Go to https://Whoop.com and use code "Yourmom" for 15% off - Go to https://squarespace.com/MOM for a free trial and when you’re ready to launch, use the offer code MOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. - Go to https://www.expressvpn.com/YOURMOM to get an extra three months of ExpressVPN for free - Head to https://policygenius.com/ to save up to $1,055 per year on your home and auto insurance rates -Go to https://Nutrafol.com and use promo code YMH to save 20% off your first month’s subscription plus free shipping JEANS UP!! Tom Segura and Christina P start off this week's episode of YMH by discussing Orson Welles' famous Paul Masson champagne commercial, Zac Efron in 17 Again, taking pictures with fans, and Bert Kreischer's birthday present for Tom. Christina also shows off the birthday cake she had specially made for him. They watch videos of a guy showing off his dad bob, a remix of the Indian bee attack from a couple weeks ago, and a clip of Tom's early stand-up. They read listener emails from a girl who went on a date with Tony Johns, and another who cleaned up bodily fluids at Disneyland. Justin Martindale is a comedian and the host of the "Glitter and Garbage" podcast. He joins the Main Mommies to discuss TikTok, life as a gay man, the doctor who insists having sex with men doesn't make you gay, and hooking up with straight guys. Tom and Tina help Justin create a Grindr profile, and show him videos of YMH All-Star RPC, "Horrible or Hilarious" videos, and Christina's TikTok curations for this week.

Hey guys, we got a bunch of new merch right now. Go to store.ymhstudios.com and get that hot new gear. He's so fast, dude. Would you have sex with him now? No. Hard no. Hard no. No. I didn't mean to jump that far. You didn't think about it much. You know what I'm saying? Honestly? You know what I'm saying, Mike? What?

You know what I'm saying? Hard no. Hard no. Like it's normal. My mom lost. You know what I'm saying? He's fired. By that same French excellence.

You know what I'm saying, Mike? It's a mirror of no one I'm saying. Here we go. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying, Mike? You know what I'm saying? Hard no.

Hard no. Like it's normal. Do anyone understand that? Boom, boom, boom. We're back. What's up there, Chomo? We are back. That's an old school jam. I know. I love ghost crew. Ghost crew. And I loved hearing all the old drops.

I want to say I met them in Portland. In like, God, that must have been 20, maybe 14, 13 or 14. Yeah. They would kick out. They made the Isn't Greasy.

They made the Jules song. That is one of my favorite ones. They made... Wait, is it the, oh my gosh. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh. And then it goes fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart. I think somebody in music would describe it differently.

But they made a Sharkisha No song. Oh my gosh. They're dope, man. Yeah, I think they're Portland. Portland. You know what I loved hearing that home, it was a drunk guy getting arrested. Oh, yeah.

My mama. Yeah, that's on my old soundboard. And then he also made a sound that sounded like stamps. Oh. So we go stamps or spot brought to you by Yeah. My mom... And then he had one rambling thing.

And we would say that's our website. Topofsant.com He was so average. That dude is from an old episode of cops. Yeah. So, the cops come up to his van, and he's like, they're like, sir, even drinking he goes

Topofsant. Okay, we're going to need to talk to you for a second. And I think he does say my mom's house. He must, because we heard your mom's house. I don't have that drop anymore. It's on my old That's an old joke.

He's fucked up. Yeah. And then, of course, Oh! Fresh champagne has always been celebrated for its excellence. There is a California champagne by Palma. What's his name, that guy?

That's Orson Wells. And he was so... He was so ripped. It's the best. I could talk about that commercial every day of my life. It is the best thing I've ever seen. It's Orson Wells doing Palma son commercials in like, it's got to be in the

80s, in the early 80s. And like, it starts with the director going, action and then they just all sit there and he goes, he doesn't do anything? Cut! Because he's so fucked up! He doesn't do anything?

Is it pills or booze? Nah, he's on pills. He's on pills. Wow, you just changed the whole meaning of that thing for me? Oh, he's got it up. Can we play it or no? Nah, I think he's gotten into some trouble before. Will you change the screen, mommy?

It's all on us, yeah. And then he goes, Ah! Ah! I swear to God, it's what he does. He goes, the French champagne has always been celebrated for its excellence.

Google, if you're listening to this and you want to see what we're referring to, it's Orson Wells. Orson Wells' Palma son. Palma son, so champagne commercial. He's at the end of his life. And he's about three and a half bills and he's out of his fucking mind.

Fucked up. It's the best. And there's just multiple outtakes of him being completely trashed. Oh, gosh. That's pretty great. Oh, should we do our tour dates? Sure. Let's do it. All right, Jeans, I'm super pumped.

I'm in Chomahaw, Nebraska. June 3rd through 5th. And then I go to Wise Guys in Salt Lake City, Puta. We have added a show there. And then San Antonio in July, the comedy club. That was so bad.

That was so bad. And then Liberty Township, Ohio in July at the Liberty Funny Bone. Columbus in August. And then he got to go faster. Oklahoma City in Oklahoma. Indian Appletits.

And then Denver, Colorado. And then Charlie Goodnights and Raleigh. And then, Orlando Thanksgiving weekend. ChristinaPonline.com for tickets. There you go. Where am I? I'm doing some Spanish shows in Ontario

at the Improv in California here, not Ontario, Canada. Making that real clear. Brea Improv as well, Spanish show. Then back to my native and first language, English. Looks like I'm doing Atlantic City the Borgata in August. Also stay tuned

real close to announcing some big dates. I cannot wait. And I should get the spotlight to put those up real soon. If you're on my email list, you'll get the email about it. If you've bought merch or you've bought a live

show, you'll also get an email before the public does, like the general public. So you'll have first dibs on tickets if you want to see the new hour that I've been working at. And I'm real excited about it. So that's that. Why don't we open the show and get into it? You ready?

I forgot we didn't open. That was having fun already. I know. Here we go. Open and clip. Okay ladies. Dad Dad Fod. You see it. Single still looking. Putting myself out there. Ladies don't just scroll by.

Say hello. Stop. If you're within 100, 150 miles of Fort Riley, Kansas send me a message. We can hook up. We can get together. I'll find you. This shit is big time.

Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Don't burn me in the fucking stand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura. Tom Segura. Christina Pajitz.

Christina Pajitz. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house. Christina Pajitz. I'll tell you why he doesn't get the guitar riff. Okay. He doesn't get the cool guy

guitar riff. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why.

He doesn't get the cool guy guitar riff because he's sincere and he's sweet. I believe there's a kindness to him so he doesn't get the riff. You only get the riff if there's some ill intentions

or you're misleading or you're... Your ask is too great. He's actually a viable male candidate. He's a nice dad. He doesn't know it.

He's like, how else do I meet somebody? He's not like if you've got your boobs are out he's just like I'd really like to meet you. I don't detect any mental illness which is nice too. Not yet and there's a whole other clip to play on. But

I will say in cool guy fashion he kept the fan on. You see the shadow. The angle is terrible. How do people still... You know somebody asked me for a photo whatever. When I was on the road a week ago

you take a picture, sure. And then the friend takes their camera phone and gets underneath us. And I was like, what are you doing? And they're like taking a picture from down there and they're like, yeah. I was like, that's going to look terrible, man. It makes you look 500 pounds.

He goes, really? I go, well, yeah. You're going to be shooting up at us? I don't know how he doesn't. I guess for him he's like I have to be able to walk freely in talk so I'll just put the camera down. Change the angle, man. The secret is at eye level or even a little higher.

Yeah, I mean that, you know, some people they go too high, right? Yeah, but higher is more flattering but that's what I'm saying. Sometimes it's like it's a little extreme. For those people who don't know and then the light has to face you. That's another one too.

That's another one. You leave a show and people are like, can I take a picture? And I go, shouldn't we face the light and they're like, I'll miss your Hollywood here. I'm like, well, it's kind of like you want light on you, right? Not light behind us. Yeah, because then it makes you, it blackens your... Well, yeah, and then also the light will go into the camera.

Is that what you'd like? The spotlight in the camera? The one good thing about COVID is that I'm not taking pictures with audience now. That's the good thing? Well, of course, on the bright side because I don't want to see those horrible pictures of me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I know. I've seen a few.

And you're just like, fuck, I'm lit bad. They shot me fat. Terrible. Yeah, I've never basically seen a photo that I'm tagged in with someone where I'm like, that's a great picture. Never. That was awesome. The one time I saw a picture

that was flattering of myself, I was like, why does this look good? It's because I was reaching out of the door. So my face was extended. I was like, oh, yeah, that's flattering. Never looks good. Never. I do like him.

I just I wish he could offer a little more. Well, here, let me let me play it from the top. What do you have to offer me besides me? Dad. I'll give you the full thing. What's the the ad? Here we go. Yeah. Okay, ladies. Dad

Dad Fod. You see it. Single. Still looking. Still looking. Put myself out there. Ladies, don't just scroll by. Say hello. Stop. If you're within, oh, 100, 150 miles

of Fort Riley, Kansas, send me a message. We can hook up. We can get together. I'll find you. I'm just looking for love. Apparently, I'm looking for it in all the wrong places, though. So I'm single dad living in Chapman, Kansas.

Get me, ladies. He's trying. I hope that this podcast serves as an advertisement for him. Can I tell you what he did wrong? What? 150 miles is too wide. Yeah. How long of a drive? We're talking a couple hour drive.

Like, let's say you really connect and you really like her. Right? Are you both like each other? Nadav won't even go to the valley for a girl. Right. He's said it before. He's like, well, five miles too far. Exactly. 150 miles. It's a desperate move. Right. It's got to be, you got to dial it back

to like a fucking half hour radius. Like, are you within 30 miles? Yeah. Are you in the same county? Sure. Same county. Secondly, he's like, apparently, he did kind of the downer thing of like, apparently, I've been looking

in all the wrong places and you're like, that's negative, Nancy. I agree. We don't do that in the ad. I agree. We're going to get this band to record. That's what you're going to do. Couple things you're going to do, sir. First of all, you're going to hold that camera up or you're going to place it on a shelf

that's at eye level. And you're going to find a better room. We all have refrigerators. Yes. Like, find a better... Well, it's nice to know he has a home. He has a roof. That's a good thing to do. Maybe open the fridge and be like, look at all the fucking food I have in here.

That would be funny. He's like, you want some food? I got food, homie. Nice lighting. Yeah. Yeah, he's got all that. I mean, yeah, I would say a couple pluses, got a nice full head of hair. And I do like him. I don't think... That's what I'm saying. He's attractive.

He's a nice guy. He could be viable. I'm a little concerned that he's going to go negative. I just have a feeling he's a bit of a downer. Especially on that first date. Well, I've just been trying to meet someone. You know how it is out there and the person's like, oh, okay.

Is there anything worse than when you just meet somebody and they do the well... It's been a hard year. It's been hard for everybody. That reminds me of the comedians who go, I can't get a special because I'm a white guy. And you're like, okay.

You know those guys who are like, I'm white and no one wants to give me a deal. And you're like, I don't think that's why. I know a couple of white guys that it's worked out for. It's always going to work out for white guys. I'm not worried about them. They lead with that in comics. They're like, what?

Can't get a special because I'm white. Well, no, my favorite is the woman who's like, well, I mean, I can't meet a man because I'm too successful. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's my favorite. It's like, guys are just intimidated by me.

Every woman I've met who said that, I just want to go like, I'm not intimidated by you at all. I don't think anybody is. Nobody is. I think that a lot of times they're crazy. Of course. The guy who says I'm white and I can't get a special

and the woman who goes, I can't meet a guy because I'm intimidating, they're just trying to tell themselves a reason why things aren't working. Instead of trying to make it work. So they don't have to modify their behavior in any way. The woman can go, I could just stay crazy and the guy can be like, I can stay like

mediocre and that's why. I've got to be like, get better at stand up. It's I'm white. That's the burden I carry with me through this world is that I'm white. And by the way, that's not going to get you much sympathy these days, being the white guy

who gives a shit. Be undeniably good. Of course. And also too, I must say in my life, I've only had men like the fact that I was intelligent and the ones who don't like the fact that I was successful and intelligent were fucking losers.

These guys are fucking losers. Yes, and they dumped the guy who gave me grief for being smart or whatever. Yeah, you just find the winners, right Tommy? Like you, you're fucking winner, bro. Winner, bro, winner, winner, chicken dinner. Look at you, so handsome today.

Yeah. I'm just feeling your vibes. Thanks. Just a man. I just love you. Thanks, love you too. Appreciate you. Jesus. Are you going to get some tattoos this week? I feel like, and I'm just very attracted to you.

I'm like, I feel like RPC right now. I'm looking at you and I'm like, I just want to fucking mean it, man. Come on, shit. I'm a hot white trash. Come dumb, let's go. Babe, come on. I haven't seen you. You're gone all week. I know. And then we didn't get it. Play with your cheeks.

Massage. You got that beautiful mouth. Massage. Massage. Is this it? Is this the end of this? Yeah, that's it. That's his video. I'll say this, if people know this guy and you get him

to re-record based on our direction, a new video, I will play it on the show and direct people to where he wants us to direct them. I promise you. Yes, I agree. We'll help him find love.

Come on, Mark. Don't be stingy. Oh, God. Oh, well, a few weeks ago, it was my born day. Yes. Happy 52nd. It's a bit exaggerated. And by the way, everybody believes it.

Everybody believes whenever anyone says that I'm in my 50s or older. They're like, hey, I didn't know. And then I tell them and they're like, I thought you were like 55, man. Even now, I think you look way young. You look great. Thank you. Thanks so much. Here's the cake that you had made for me,

the birthday cake. It's a steak cake. Well, I went to the big and blood and there's blood coming out. Yeah, I had them at the blood. It's super original. Thank you. When that came out, I was like, what the fuck? Well, your son,

Ellis and I were sitting down together and I go, let's go get. I like to make personal cakes. Yeah, not that expensive. I go down to Gelson's the bakery we have here local and for 70 bucks, they can make you a crazy nice personalized cake. And it's just fun. If this is the gift,

you know, so Ellis and I were sitting down and I go, what should we do for daddy's cake? What should we make? He goes, transformer. I go, I don't think he likes that. And I couldn't tell him. You're selfish. That's for you. Right. That's about you. You would like about you.

Your fucking birthday. Yeah, stupid kid. Yeah. I did. I just good. And then in my head, I was like, well, Tom really likes Lamborghini tits and I can't get a cake. We already did the boob cake and I think that scarred our children. Yeah, that was my birthday. So I know what you love.

You love Lamborghinis and you love steak. What did I tell you? You don't like Lamborghinis. You don't like Lamborghinis. Lamborghinis is a douchebag car. It's why it's pretty funny. I got home and she was like, because I know you love Lamborghinis and I go, I hate Lamborghinis. She was like, what? And I go, I have

contempt for Lamborghinis. She was like, really? And I go, how do you not pay attention at all to that part? All the cars, to me, car is a car. It just goes, it all goes vroom vroom. I don't know the difference. I can't stand them. Yeah. Yeah. But this is for you. I thought, and there's little broccoli bits

next to it, too. They're made of marzipan. It was super fun. No, I said it was still. It was super, it really made me laugh. I guess I was like, oh, cool. It's vegetables, steak. Yeah. It's me. It's you. That's what you like.

I like broccoli. Steak and pussy. I couldn't ask for a pussy cake. Do you think Gelsons would make me a pussy cake? Probably not them, no. The lady that made the tits would probably do it. I was like, my husband likes vaginas. Everybody's like, dude, everybody's husband

likes vaginas. Everybody's like, yeah, it's not that original of a cake. But this is steak and veggies is good. I'm so glad you like it. And then I know Burt is, you guys talk about how your wives give you crappy gifts and stuff.

So, what did your boyfriend Burt get you? That was so much better than what I got you a steak cake. He got me a cdu. Well, that is way better. You got me a fucking jet ski. That's rad. That's pretty cool. And it'll be there when we arrive

in Austin. It's crazy. Man, you can't be depressed on a cdu. No, it's so fun. So much fun. That is the meaning of joy right there. Somebody already hit me up and they go, hey, there's an after market kit you can put on it and it'll go 100 miles

an hour. I'm like, I think I'm good. I think I'm good on that. I don't need to go 100 on a cdu. You will definitely die. I will. If I did that. Well, because if you fall off of it, you're going to hit the water at 100 miles per hour. It's like hitting concrete.

At 45, it's concrete. So at 100, I mean, that we sent you as a guy with the train, you know, you're just fucking break apart. Yeah. What happened? You sent him another video? No, no, it's from a few weeks ago. I didn't send it to him.

Somebody I know did. Yeah, you had someone else do it so that I'd open the video. It's a real dick move, dude. So. 100 miles, that's fucking nice. Yeah. That's not even fun. Isn't that terrifying to go that fast on a water?

Yeah. I mean, I've been on a boat that goes 70 and you're like, because it's open air, you know, you're like, whoa, man, this is fucking hauling ass. Well, and it's not like you're at open sea, you're on Lake Austin. No, and if you've ever. Travis, like if you've ever run aground, like I've run aground

before. What does that mean? That's there's like a sandbar in the water and you hit it. And I've hit it like, I don't know, 25, 30 miles and you fall, it's jar, you can get hurt. But if you do that, 70 plus miles, you're probably going to die.

Somebody on board is going to die. Yeah, I don't need that. Yeah. So do you have any thoughts on your 52nd year of life? Have you like, because I'm fully having, I think I am having a midlife crisis where I

like I I'm starting to realize that I'm not going to be in this meat shell looking this good much longer. And this is the end of my window. Yeah. In this meat body. Yeah. To look rad. And then it's just like, this is it. Yeah, I'm same. I'm same. Yeah.

A couple things. I think I've never been happier. I'm super happy. Yeah, same. Yeah. And also I realize that like this thing is going downhill and not slowly. Yeah. Like this body, like just, you know, it's not going to, nothing is going to last that long. So I'm trying to enjoy things.

So I'm trying to take care, like everyone thinks that I'm taking care of myself because I got injured and I don't want to be injured, which is part of it. It's like the trigger to trying to like take better care of yourself, but it's only part of it. Like I'm also like, oh, I'm aging. I should really try to take better care of myself

because again, this absolute pile of diarrhea that is my body is, you know, it's not going to get better. So it's not getting. Yeah. So if I like really try to take care of it, it might be like somewhat sustainable. And also like I have these

absolute dog shit genetics where like I look at my dad and his brothers and I'm like, you guys look like shit. Yeah. And then I go, oh, that's me. Like that's what I'm going to be. And they looked fucking 70 at 50. So I'm like I really better and they have like

I, you know, I'm at least an entertainment. So I have been a, I have like an excuse to like really try to maintain, you know, like, you know, you have to present yourself to a public like audience. So yeah, I'm trying to take better care of myself for sure. So am I. And I'm

like that's why I'm working out a lot more. I'm trying to get, I want to get down to my weight, like my weight goals because I don't have much longer to look this rad. Yeah. Wait, and do you realize to that 40, like I'm 44, I'm going to be 45. Oh my God, kill me. That Mrs.

Robinson. In that movie, the graduate is like my age. Really? Do Google, like she's supposed to be in her 40s. I think she's supposed to be 42 or something. And he's like 20 something, right? Yeah. And that's, that's what middle aged look, look like

middle aged looked like this back. 35. She was 35. And that's what 35 was. Isn't that crazy? Like she's, she looks like a, today's 50 year old, right? Yeah, she does. Yeah, she looks way older than that.

Wait, go back because it says 30, then 35 playing a certain age. Yeah, what age is Mrs. Robinson supposed to be? A then 35 year old is playing a woman at least 10 years older. No, she's playing. So she's my age. Yeah, she's playing 45. But even look how much more sophisticated and grown up she is.

Yes. But that's that's an era too where people also dressed differently. Yeah. People, people used to get on planes in a coat and tie. I wish they would still. No shit. She looks great. Absolute fucking animals on flights. Animals, savages.

Everyone looks like shit. Oh yeah. Might suck on those. You suck on those titties? Sure. Those are hungry tits though. Yeah, but I mean, I gotta eat. Yeah, I'm so thirsty. But I'm so excited to announce as part of my midlife crisis.

I've decided to dress a lot sluttier like when you and I are not on this show, thankfully, but like for you, for your sake, for my sake, like on this, we're going to Florida and I've bought horror bathing suits like what I consider a horror bathing suits

because I've decided like it's not getting any better. Right. I've just got to show off what I have and not even think about it. I'm super down. I bought a Kardashian suit from that that brand. Damn. Not like that. Not that crazy. I'm still I got a mom

but but it's still pretty it's still pretty good. You're gonna like what you're gonna like the way I look. I guarantee. I'm excited. Yeah. I'm excited. I'm excited to go full throttle and just blow it out. Yeah. As you should. And then when Bauhaus comes back I'm going to keep torn with Bauhaus. Do it.

I don't fuck it, you know. I mean there's what we have left. Not a lot. 20 years maybe. Maybe if we're lucky. Fuck. 25. And those last few years are just going to be the worst. The worst. Yeah. I'm telling you, I'm just going to fuck. What are we

going to do when we're like 80, 70? Not going to be 80. Not in a million years. You don't think you're going to live. Fuck. No. Not a chance. I think 70 would be real fucking lucky for me. Fuck. Yeah. Baby can't die before me. I don't want that. I could

throw you off a cliff or something. Can we have a suicide pack? I don't want to do that to the kids. I know I have to stick around for our children to be a grandparent at least. Maybe a sledgehammer at your fucking skull or something and then I'll be like she fucking fell.

Anyways, I decided to dress horror for you. That's exciting to me. But I want to know like what I can do for you because I asked you and you're like I like the

way you dress already. I do. I have to say I mean when we first started dating you were wearing you know baggy horseshit jeans and like you were just a frumpy dumpers and now you're like a fashion icon. Fashion icon. I mean you're on the runways. Yeah but you look great.

By the way I got off the plane the other day and there was a rapper sitting in my first class and then I don't know who it was but he got off and in my I was like not paying attention. He was walking in front of me and I looked and the way he carried himself

what he was wearing I was like is that my husband? You dress just like a rapper. I'm just wearing a fucking tennis t-shirt. Right now but like he had the same sneaks that you have pants everything like his gear. Do you have jewelry on? Jewelry. He did have jewelry.

Are you wearing jewelry? Yeah. I was like dude I'm married to an awesome black rapper. Turns out. Turns out. Cool rapper. But here's what I want from you. Because I haven't seen your face. I don't think since we got married

I think 08 was the last time you went without a beard. I want to see your pretty face. You got such a pretty mouth. I want to massage your b-hole. I want to see your face. Okay. How long has it been? Long time. Seriously since our wedding right? Yeah.

Oh boy. That's about when we got married. We got married in 08. Yeah. There's salami. Pretty good looking face. You are so cute. Look at that baby face. Aww. That's like scruff beard. That's not like a full beard.

That's how you looked when we were dating. I'll tell you this. I'll do a deal with you. Okay. I will shave my beard. I will shave it. What are we going to do? I'll shave it in

July or August. Okay. I would love that. It gives me something to look forward to. That's another thing in middle age is that you plan to look forward to. Yeah. We'll put it on the books. Put it on the calendar. I'm on my health kick. If I get down like another

10, 12, I'll shave the beard. Okay. I'm excited. I'll immediately grow that shit right back. Why? I don't know. We'll see. I haven't seen it. It freaks me out. Last time I trimmed my beard, I was looking at myself in the mirror and I was like, ugh.

It freaked me out. I think the kids should do it in front of them because they're going to be like, who the fuck are you? I know. This is all they've known. My dad had a moustache for like 20 years and then when I was in college, he cut it off and it was like, whoa, you have an upper lip? I know.

I haven't seen that. Your teeth look different. Everything looks different. It's going to look fucking crazy. I see that pretty mouth. I can't even see it. You got that beautiful mouth. Yeah. So I was watching. Yeah, you're right though. I will look

way younger when the gray's gone because I even saw other well-known people on social media and stuff and they have a beard and they shave it. You're like, oh, this dude looks so much younger now. That's probably why people think you look 52. It doesn't help to have a beard. The wise beard.

I know. So I was watching that. One of the classics, I'm sure Nadav loves it, 17 again. I have not seen that one. What? It's no drum line. Yeah. It starts Zach Efron and

whatever the fuck happened is Zach Efron. Wasn't he like the hottest shit in the game for a minute there? I think he's still pretty relevant, isn't he? I don't know. He had a big Netflix show last year. Oh, he did? Like a travel thing. Alright, I don't keep up with the guy's career, but that's good. And the guy from Friends, Chandler.

Matthew Perry? Matthew Perry. Now, he looks like 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag in that movie. He does. I got to say, I think he's got a face for television, not for the film. Jesus Christ, take it easy on Matthew Perry.

He's sweet. I think he's lovely. I just... I think he's lovely. I think the face, he doesn't have the looks like against Zach Efron. Oh yeah. When you see him on the big screen. Everybody looks like shit next to Zach Efron. I mean, this Zach Efron is...

I didn't... he was never on my radar and I was like, phew. Yeah. Fuck Cobra Kai. Wait, have you seen him now? No, let's... Oh, pull him up. Let's see that smoke and smoke show. This guy, I would go full fucking gay. You'd

gay down with him? Oh, fuck yes. Oh. Oh my god. Yeah. That's real? He's a real person? Yeah. Yeah. Oh my god. That's Zach Efron. This guy? His balls stay empty.

Oh, he's never full of cum, right? No. Jesus Christ, this guy's gonna be gay. Yeah, 100%. 100% I would be like, yeah, dude. I would... we would start talking about chicks and then like after an hour I'd be like, his shoulders are really nice, man. What?

I'm like, nothing. Would you let him fill you up? I mean, I probably... I'd probably be like, what? And I'd like, pretend. I'd be like, come on, man. Fucking gay. And then like, I don't know.

20 minutes later, I'd be like, should I get on my knees or how do you want to do it? That guy's fucking super handsome. I mean, he's just perfect. Now, what'd you say? How many nameless hoes? He's dumping clips and laughing. I don't remember you. Dumping clips.

Chicks are like, do you remember when I was in Miami? He'd be like, Miami, I don't think I've even been to Miami. Look at this guy. Yeah, no, I know. He should never be married. Just like Brad Pitt in his heyday, never should get married. Now, who do you think's hotter, Brad Pitt

in his heyday or Zac Efron right now? God damn. I'm gonna go Brad Pitt. Yeah. I'm gonna go. Brad Pitt, there's something soulful about... Here's the thing. Here's what's fucked up. You know, we're talking about genetics.

Brad Pitt is almost 60 and he's still god damn gorgeous. It is fucking crazy. Like, that guy, I don't know if he just has access to a serum that nobody else does, but... Pussy. You're not supposed to look like that.

I think it's banging 20-year-old. You're not supposed to look like that at 57 or whatever he is. Oh my god. It's crazy. It's crazy. It is genetics, dude. And this Jennifer Lawrence, too. She's fucking perfect. They're all perfect. Listen, there's a reason people are movie stars.

Stars. Yes. You have to look like this, okay? Yeah. Please, please tell me he's on fucking HGH or something. He's gotta be. So it looks like this. Please tell me that's not just... No, I just see it clean. Yeah, no. But the thing is, too,

like, it's a full-time job to stay this hot. Like, you look at someone like Jennifer Lopez, who is in her... She's in her 50s. She looks amazing. And she just broke up and she posted this TikTok of her, like, dancing in a bikini and you're like, you're in your 50s?

She looks perfect. Fucking crazy. And fucking Gwen Stefani, too. You're like, dude, what are you guys doing? But you have to understand, I think they're doing a ton of stuff. This is a full-time job. Yeah, no, no, no. This is not just like, well, I kind of go for a walk every morning. Yeah, I do Botox. No, no, no, no. This is like,

fucking team. Yeah. Jennifer Lopez. She looks amazing. Incredible. Goddamn it. Can you pull up her TikTok and mute it, because there was like a song or something? I think I know which one you're referring to. She just broke up. It just became like public news.

She did the whole, I'm available now. It's letting people know. It's a... Which one? Oh, yeah, right there. The one below. That one. This one was just like, hey, everybody. Check, look at that.

That's, I just broke up. We just split up. You like? You like what you see? Yeah, look in the list. She's throwing it out. Tom, you could crush her right now. You think so? Yeah. You know, I could see it. She'd be like, oh my god, Tom Sakura,

you're funny. Like, she'd do that whole thing like, oh my god, you're like my favorite comedian. Wait, is she Rosie Perez all of a sudden? She doesn't talk like that? She has that accent? No, she doesn't talk like that. I'm still Jenny from the block, but like, I think I could love you, Tom.

Okay. No, she'd be like, oh, you speak Spanish. So do I. That would be funny. She'd be like, really? I chartered her bus one time. I know. Yeah. I don't think I didn't sniff that toilet seat. Ew, Tom, I'm your wife. Oh, my bad. Don't tell me this stuff.

What is wrong with you? You think I'm not, I'm not Burt. You know what I mean? You guys are disgusting. My bad. No, she's a... But you got to shit where... I got to shit where she shat. I got to sleep where she slept.

And did you J or D thinking about? No. Thank god. Okay, we're still married. That's good. But it got me thinking because I was watching Seventeen again. So the whole premise of the movie is he's with his high school sweetheart. He's about to...

Are you paying attention? You drink so loudly. I mean... I hear this noise all the time. Any hoodles. So, listen. I'm listening. God, get to the fucking point. I'm trying to tell you, the scout from Syracuse

is there to watch him slam dunk. Yeah. The girlfriend shows up, she goes, I'm pregnant. He blows the game, runs off with her, gets married at Seventeen. They have kids. He gets his life. He gets to go back and be Seventeen again.

And guess what? Spoiler alert. He makes the same dumb fucking decisions he did on the first go around. You like this movie? No. The point is, how stupid is he to go back to the same decisions? The point is, if you were a guy like him

in Seventeen again and you're in a 40 year old body, you go back and bang every 11th fucking grader or 12th grader. That's my high school. If I were at Seventeen right now, many, many problems would occur

on that campus. I mean, yes, I would be banging. All of a sudden, they'd be like, we have a pregnancy epidemic at this school. All these girls are pregnant and I'd be like, hmm, what happened? Dude, that's why it's so fucked up.

When you see that crazy age gap, particularly when the girls are like a college age girl and a man in his, you have such so much more power and manipulation skills. Putting

a 40 year old mind in a 17 year old boy is so dangerous. I mean, it's so dangerous. But how, if I was Seventeen and I had my mind, first of all, fucking drop the goth shit, I would be like

a cheerleader. I would be like the hottest girl in high school. I would I probably take like the easiest major in college. I don't know what I was thinking with philosophy. Stupid. Probably get started at stand up earlier. I would have started stand up immediately.

I would have played a sport in high school instead of just being goth and angry. I would have done tennis because that's a gentleman's sport. Dump the boy friends. I would have just porked all the football team. I would have gone to Crespi, which is our brother's school. I would have gone to those. Just listen.

I go to those football games and I'd be a cheerleader. I'd be like, yay, Crespi. And I jiggle my tits. And then I would fucking nail all the dudes on that team. Wait, wait. She used to be a hoe? Yeah. Why would you be a hoe? Because I had a boyfriend for like a million years. That's a hoe over there. And there's

no money in that game. Like, I should have just fucked all these dudes and then when I went to college, nobody knows you anyway, so you could just start fresh. They're not going to be like, there's Tina the whore anymore because no one fucking went to high school with me. Okay. Well, are we talking real scenario or not?

Yeah. Yeah. All right. I would have gotten emancipated from my stupid parents at 17 and been like, just fucking please let me move out. Get my own apartment. Okay. And that's it. Oh, wait. And then I would date millionaires and stuff. I would find like sugar daddy.

He's the most uninspiring story that I could possibly imagine. What's not inspiring about just describing a basic bitch like such a little thought. Yeah. Well, I'm an idiot. I did everything the hard way. I studied philosophy, which was so fucking hard.

Yeah. I wanted to stand up, which is so fucking hard. Nobody wants women in either of those things. It took 15 years to get it was terrible. I made stupid choices. I did the hard way always except marrying you. You were the best decision. Oh, thanks. I'd be looking at you.

That whole over there. Over there. Yeah. I guess I would have done. I mean, similar things. Yeah. I would have focused on basketball more. I would have. Seriously? Yeah. It's like, I mean football. I love football, but I would

have been like, oh, this is fucking so crazy. Like not that I didn't enjoy playing. I'm saying I would have been like do something that's longer lasting, you know, and like less. So you can play it for a longer. Yeah. I would have probably been like, hey, maybe watch your diet. Don't be fat.

Don't be so fat. Stop eating so much. Oh, I would have seen a shrink right away. I would have gotten into therapy immediately instead of waiting until I was fucking 34. I would have known like there was parts of me that I was like, is my family crazy? Or am I? And I would have just known it.

I'd be like, oh, they're crazy. Like you're definitely on the right path. Like ignore all the stupidity that each of them has in their mind. Yeah. And then, yeah, it would have been a massive, a pussy massacre. Yeah. That's what it would say on the walls at school. They'd be like, remember the

1997 pussy massacre that happened here? Yeah. You could have slayed my pussy. I would have drawn, driven to Vero and done that. Yeah, I would have stopped being so nice to chicks. Oh my god. You know, I would have kind of like treated them like shit more. They love it. Yeah. You know, they love it.

I would have used my looks to get by more. I think I really, I made the mistake of relying on my intelligence. We're so stupid. No one cares. Yeah. Nobody fucking cares. Yeah. Such an idiot. I should have just married some fucking dumb. There was only one kid that like, that was openly butt fucking girls. Yeah.

And I would have joined them, you know, if I could go back. Excuse me? I would have been like, let's butt fuck some chicks. Yeah. I was hanging out with the goth kids and I should have been hanging out with the party kids. Hmm. Like, why, why, why was I hanging out with those guys? I definitely

would not. I would be like, don't mix GHB and alcohol. Right. I would not trust the girls or like, it's okay to come inside me. Really? Well, I would have been like, hey, you know, what's our protection here instead of going through weeks

of anxiety? Question. Okay. I have a shortcut. The sector me at seventeen and then you could reverse it later when you want kids. So gangster move. Put your fucking teenage. Put your put your not on ice, bro. Okay. So you're seventeen. We get your not put on ice. Yeah.

And then you fucking the sector me and then you bust nuts for the rest of your life. Your parents would have to sign off. Like, what are you doing? You're a junior in high school. You want to the second? Like, I'm trying to bust nuts, dad. I actually think that if I, if I, if I, if I could get my dad just one on one, he'd be

like, I understand. All right, let's go. They wouldn't take that much to convince them. My mother would be like, what? But my dad would, he would sign off on it. I would do it. Yeah. I think you should do it. And I would have put my, my eggs on ice when I was seventeen as well. Just to

have like, primo quality the best, you know? Yeah. Instead of doing it in my fucking thirties. Okay, wait, what else would I have done? I would have started exercising. Yeah. No, taking that real serious therapy and exercise. I would not wait till I'm forty to get into it. I know.

It's so stupid. Why do we wait so long? Eating clean and exercising. I did it once. I did it at twenty the first time. And that was good. And I was like, I'll give up on twenty twenty five. But yeah, that's what I would have done. Also, I would have taken a year off to just travel the world.

I should have done that after college, but I was broke. I had no money and I was too anxious to even. Yeah. It's hard to do broke. It's hard to do broke. I wish I would have saved up money so that when I graduated from college I could take a year abroad and go live.

I do eat pray love kind of shit. I would go live in a fucking ashram in India. I would go to Asia. I would go to Japan to learn. I would try to learn Japanese. Take. Yeah. Paris. Going deep in the. I would have tried. Yeah. I got a fucking D

in French. Yeah. Because I didn't try at all. Well, I would have tried more. You're smart with languages. You could have done it. Yeah, I know. I just I didn't put a lot of effort into it. I had attention in sixth and seventh grade math that fucked me up real bad.

I quit on that too. Yeah. Everything that was hard back then I was like, yeah, I didn't know how to discipline. I had no self-discipline. No self-discipline ability. That's why I look back and I think the thing that impresses me like the most honestly are these kids in high school that are disciplined and focused. Yeah.

There was a few were like I look back and I'm like that kid's incredible. Like how do they know to be like that? Yeah. They just were like driven and motivated and yeah. I think that it mattered. Is that their parents? Well, it's a it's a there's usually one or the other kind of thing. There are self-driven people that are just

motivated. You know, you see it. Just get it. Yeah. And then there's the parents beating them into it. But I'm going to beat our children into that. Good. Good. And that usually pays off. Yeah. Like they won't they won't resent you. Really? Because I already want to make

them super resilient and my therapist was like, yeah, but they're not going to like you can't make them anything. And I was like, yeah, I can watch. My mom did it to me. No. No. Can't force them to be resilient. You really can't. I mean, you can try

but you can't really people are who they are. You know, you can hate that. You can nurture things and then it can you know, like I don't think that there's always that that cliche dad like the sports dad Yeah.

what I've seen like what I've experienced is that you know, giving them out like saying I'll send you to this camp or I'll hire this coach for you that that's like the extent of when I see positive results.

The kid still has to want it. The kid has to be like I want to be a baseball player or whatever. And like if he doesn't want it, if he's not like, no, I'm going to wake up and practice before school. It's like you driving like you pushing them to do that. It's not going to work. It's not really. I guess my fear is that

I just don't want to stand up. Think about stand up. Oh, you have to be self motivated. Because there's people all these people that drop out like when you start out and you're like, like, well, I got this and that to do and you're like, oh, you just don't want it as much. And then there's people like us who go like, I'll suffer for years. I'll suffer. I'll have like

no money. I'll live in shitty places. Go into debt. Yeah. People will go on vacations and buy homes and I'll just stay in a shitty place because it's because you go, I don't care. That's how much I like doing it. Yeah. I love this so much that I will put myself in the most dangerous,

risky, horrible positions to do it. Yeah, that's true. I love stand up. I still love stand up so much I would do all over again. But one thing I would never change is A, marrying you having our kids and B, doing stand up. I think stand up comedy is my most favorite thing

in the world. And I like I'm so grateful. We discussed this. We didn't give the answers. Would you rather watch your first the season you did of road rules front to back No breaks. So I have to

watch it like fucking clockwork orange style with my eyes peeled open. You can watch it over the course of a week. You have one week to watch the season or you have to watch every set from your first year of stand up. No road rules all day. Put that shit on a fucking loop, dude.

Yeah. It's so hard. I got sent a clip from myself doing stand up just going. I was hosting in the belly room. No, Brian Irwin sent it to me because he was on stage and then I was hosting and I came back to the mic when he was done.

He showed me the clip and I was just watching five frames. I was like, it's so cringy. It's so hard to watch. It's so hard to watch. What did you notice about you? I sent it to you right now. No, no. Are you going to air it?

Are we going to watch it? It's two seconds long. Can I push first before we watch it? Okay, let's take a pee break. Repeat. Felt good. I love peeing. I stopped pushing because I heard it ruined your pelvic floor. What? Yeah, because I told him how I push hard

and he's like, it'll ruin your pelvic floor. So I now relax and I let myself urinate that way. Fantastic. Okay, so this is the clip that, okay, so this is the belly room. I am probably

one year into stand up. Oh my god. I have hair. I'm way thinner. So right now when the clip starts, you'll see Brian Irwin, who's a friend of mine, comedian, great guy, very funny guy.

He is finishing his set and I'm hosting this belly room show that there's probably 30 people at the show. The belly room is the first place I ever did stand up. Yeah, if you don't know the... No, it's not the first place I did stand up, but if you don't know the layout of the comedy store, there's three rooms. The original room,

the OR, the main room, and the belly room. The belly room is the smallest room. It's upstairs at full capacity. It's like 88, something like that, you know? Under 100. It's a great room. I love those small intimate rooms. It's the most like... Small rooms keep you honest.

It's one of the... It's definitely the first room I played at the store. The audio is not very good, so you might want to turn... Just don't go full volume because it's kind of distorted audio. But you can... Look at Brian Irwin. He used to book this room with Peter Sprite.

Is this the Peter Sprite? Every week at the belly room, and I love these two guys. They were so cool. They put me up a lot. I'm guessing this is 03 or 04. Let me see you! There's your boy!

There's Tommy! Tommy! There you go, that's the quick. Baby, look at you! What a guy. That's what you look like when we started banging, dude. That's why I got in there. Just looking like that.

Look at that widow's peak. God, look at that jawline. So masculine. Oh my God, that's what you look like when we started banging, dude. That's what I got into, homie. Shit was hot. Look at that widow's peak.

Aren't you glad I'm going through this midlife crisis right now? You look amazing! Dude, you look better now when you're here. But I do love your widow's peak. I fell in love with that. Really? Yeah, you know why I love widow's peaks?

Because they're so Dracula. They're so gothy, you know? And part of me, I imagine that you were secretly goth. That's why you had it. That's how I, I don't know. I just keep, you know, when I see my stuff like that, I'm like, God, how little control

of my emotional eating did I have? After. You know what I mean? We all do something. Yeah, I know. I wasn't the fucking booze guy. I was the fucking booze. I'm like Orson Wells. So this came in, do you remember

the, you saw the week that Rob Eiler sat in? It was such a funny episode. Can I just say how funny he is when we were together? You know, the best podcasts, doesn't matter which

podcast you're talking about, are ones where it's effortless. You don't have to try to make it work with someone. That's what it feels like to podcast with Rob. Yeah, he really gets our world. He's very similar to us. He loves to cultivate things that he hates.

He's great at it. He sees the world, I think, in a very similar way. Yeah, it's very natural. It's very easy to keep going. By the way, can I make a push for Tom Talks real quick? If you have not watched it or listened to it, I'm having the absolute best time

just having one-on-one conversations. A few weeks ago, I had Jose Andreson. He's one of the best chefs in the entire world, who's also one of the most charitable, like, giving people that I've ever met in my life. He has World Central Kitchen, which goes to places and

you know, feeds like when there's an earthquake or a hurricane, feeds the people of that community. Just an amazing guy, an amazing conversation with him, and I've had, you know, Deon Sanders on, and Tony Ethan Supleon, which was a crazy, like, amazing conversation about

weight loss and, like, you know, body image stuff. It was great. So, I'm having, I'm doing those podcasts. You can subscribe anywhere you listen to podcasts, but if you want to watch them, they're on my YouTube channel, not the YMA's You just go to YouTube and Tom Segura

and you'll see Tom Talks. I'm doing it twice a month right now. Every other Thursday I do it, and then I do the Spanish ones on the other weeks. But please, give it a shot, check it out. It really is one of the most fun things that I'm doing. Oh, hold on, I just remember saying Brian Irwin had this joke about, he goes

I look like Sigourney Weaver and he totally does. That was the thing that everybody had like, when you started out, was I look like? I look like my name is this, but I'm this, I'm ethnically I'm this, I'm that. Everyone's like first few years they have one of those. I never had one.

I never had one. You never did? Sigourney or Tom? But I remember so many people having that. Of course. Cause it's a great opener. I say, Christina Fajieski, I'm Hungarian so I'm European, but not the good kind. Like, you know. Yeah, everybody had it's like a, it's a table setter. Yeah.

So they know they can see who you are. It's actually a good strategy. It is. I was just not. Oh, you know a good joke in that room too. Pat Keane, where he goes. I just got my head shots back. Turns out I'm going to be a writer. Yeah. So that's a good job.

He had so many funny jokes. So many good jokes. Alright, so this is from 599. If you missed it, I'll just refresh you here. So great. So great. So great. Spit bars, son.

Uh oh. A fucking swarm of bees attack these guys. You know that sucks. That sucks. Yeah, I don't know what it is, but it looks like a bee attack. And then

you know, as a rapper myself, the mom song is out with Cray Sean. You can go ahead and download that anywhere. As a rapper, I will say that his bar, his flow was pretty great too, as an experienced rapper. But yeah, go ahead, Tom.

So we Cray Sean, it's called the mom song. I kind of need to regroup myself after that. The album is world's biggest idiot. And then the remix is on there too, the mom song. Cool. So I played that clip of the bee attack with

Rob Eiler when he sat in and during that clip, I'm going to play it here. He says that somebody should make music to it. And so Jesse Lucas, I watches that clip and obliges the request.

That's a little shit. They should make a beat with the screams and then do the rap over the beat. Love it. That's amazing. Way to go. Jesse Lucas.

I thank you for that. Oh, Jesse Lucas. I might want to work with you on my next joint. That was really good. Wow. On your next joint. It's a good producer right there.

Um, this is a, this is a pretty cool email. We got a couple of them. This one. Oh man. We got this email. It says, hey, James, I recently brought my

girlfriend into the mommy world and I was bringing her up to speed with all the different cool guys. Eventually we got to the sexiest man in the state of Utah. The one and only Tommy Johns. We were watching YouTube clips and she blew my dick off when she informed me that she

in fact went on a date with Tony. I said Tommy, right? Tony Johns. Went on a date with Tony back in the summer of 2018. She met him for lunch, which he showed up a couple six packs deep into. Throughout the date, she was not able

to get in a single word due to his constant rambling about how he is the best looking man in the state and how he has never met a better looking Italian young buck. After lunch, he made an attempt to get in them jeans which she promptly shut down. She's been keeping them extra high and tight

ever since. Huge mommies over here in Utah, erection achieved chase. So pretty interesting. That's shocking. I mean, we should reach out about this. I'd love to hear more. Yeah, I'd like to get more of an in-depth account of that

encounter because I can't imagine that Tony Johns would show up and just ramble about himself like that. Hard to believe. Okay. Oh. The guy's so fast. He's unbelievable. He's one of my absolute favorite

cool guys. So this email is just tremendous. It says, hello, I was listening last week's episode about if people come on rides at Disneyland as a custodian that has worked there for 20 years. That is a

career. And by the way, Disneyland custodian is no small potatoes. Disneyland, if you've ever been there, they take their very seriously. Yeah. I mean, you won't even see so much as a piece of litter on the ground. So this is a real job, man. Yeah.

I have cleaned up every body fluid you can think of including cum. Are you ready? The cum was in the elevator room at the beginning of the Haunted Mansion. Remember the elevator room?

Yeah. It was called originally for a urine cleanup. Of course, it is dark as fuck in there and had my co-worker shine a light on the spot. Right away, I saw a spot on top of the carpet that at first glance I was like, uh, that's

not pee. Pee soaks into the carpet and doesn't just hang out on top. That's for sure. That is 100% accurate as we know from our children who urinate on everything. Yes. I thought it was spit and then I bent down and saw it was white. I looked at my co-worker and was like,

dude, this is jizz. When working in custodial, you are pretty desensitized to grow shit and I was just more amazed this dude had jizzed in such a short period of time. Pretty impressive. Which is so true because, you know, you don't have them very long in that first room. You got to be ready to go, locked and loaded.

Which is what we discussed. Yeah. They must have been working their way up in line. Yeah. And then the final way off was there. Oh yeah, she's like rubbing it on the outside of that. Well, you're assuming this is two women? I'm sorry, that guy is like rubbing it on the outside. Yeah, I'm going to calm him.

This always boggled my mind until listening to your mom's house. I'm convinced now it may be either a four stroke guy or someone on myth. Having all this experience, I think Tina's messiness is so tame. You hear her? I would take the dirty floss over the shit blood skin tissue

ripped from a leg caught in the bumper from an Indiana Jones ride vehicle and any other bodily fluid cleaned up. If you need a mommy custodian, I am your yelp. Well, thank you so much. Thanks for letting us know. Oh my gosh. That's very, very interesting and totally disgusting. Who comes

at Disney Land? Well, and also proves my point that the haunted mansion is where you come. Okay. That's what I said. If you're going to pick a ride at Disney, it's the haunted mansion. That is the sexiest place in the world. The sexiest place on earth. Isn't that the tagline for Disneyland?

All right, we will take a short break and we'll be back with our guest in a moment. Oh my jeans. I'm so excited to have this guest on. Justin Martindale is with us. Finally, finally. You might know him from the Glitter and

Garbage podcast with Justine Marino or on the E channel, What the Fashion. You're so great at that stuff and lights out with David Spade. And most importantly you and Frank Castillo had a podcast devoted to my tiktok curations. Is that accurate? Yes. Yes. And there was

so much hate for it because they were like, you can't curate. Only mommy can curate. I was like, Jesus, sorry. No, yeah, yeah. But you actually got me. First of all, thank you both for having me. Yes. Happy birthday. Thank you very much. Um, you got me into

tiktok because I remember when it first started and we were like in the main room, green room and I was like, what is what are these clips you're putting up and you were like, Justin, you got to get into it. And I was like, dude, I had a similar experience. I was in bed like, the fuck are you listening to? Oh, I'm sure it's

even weirder in bed. Oh, yeah. And she was like, you got to get on the talk. And all I saw at first were like these teeny boppers doing dances and I was like, I'm interested in this bullshit. That's not the real. And then she showed me the dark lane of tiktok and I was like, I'm in. Oh. You have introduced me to so many people

that I didn't know I needed my lives. Yeah. For instance, I don't know exactly their names, but there's like the hot dude with the mallet with tattoos all over his body who like smokes and just looks at the camera. Oh my God, I love him. No, he's in Pennsylvania. He actually makes really what are you

geo tracking these guys now? Oh, I know this because he bought a church. He's kind of got the body. Of course he did. And he's Mikey, Mikey Hanger. Yes, Mikey Hanger. And he's got the best talks. Oh, he's so good. And he's so handsome and he's in great shape.

Do you think he's into the girls or the guys? I don't know anymore. It's been a it's been a long pandemic. Who knows? So who knows? There's Mikey Hanger right here. This guy's the king. He looks like a dirty lifeguard, right? Yeah.

Oh, shit. Yeah. He's amazingly cool as fuck. He's really cool. And then there's the lady with the wide set eyes who like lip syncs. Yes, I can't air her on this show because she sings a copy written song. Yeah, I know. Yeah, that's one reason. Yeah.

It's the songs that get you in trouble. You know, you know somebody that we became absolutely fascinated by from Tik Tok and it would be great to have you weigh in on some of this. Please. Oh my god. It's happening. It's Dr. Joe Court. I don't know if you remember who this is. Who is it?

Hi there. My name is Dr. Joe Court and I'm going to give you reasons why straight men have sex with men because they're not gay. They're not bisexual. My whole specialty is with male sexual fluidity and what I always say is that when women have

a non-heterosexual thought, we give her wiggle room but we fetishize her. It's true. When men have a non-heterosexual thought, we stigmatize him and we tell him he's not straight. False, wrong. I really want to get rid of this myth. I really want to get rid of this. Yeah, you do. And if

you stay with my Tik Tok, you're going to hear all the reasons why straight men have sex with men. I'll see you later. We've been waiting for you forever. We have spent a lot of time with the good doctor. Well, he's clearly gay. No, he is. Yeah, he's very openly gay.

Yeah, he looks like the 8th dwarf from Snow White. He's got that like, drunky red nose. What would he call it? Faggy? I don't know. Oh my god. This is why you're here, Jesse. Does he

identify as gay? Yes. He's openly gay. He has a partner. He's a partner. He's been with somebody for a while and he does look like a dwarf. See? Can't even see it. Dude, his

feet is always of this subject matter and also he will constantly just reinforce the fact that his practice, because he's an actual therapist, he's like, I basically, the majority of my practice are straight guys coming in with their spouse or without and being like, yeah, I'm

fucking guys. And he's like, yeah, you're not gay. So he has like this criteria about whether or not he should be. He says it's very common. I'm like, how common is this? And, you know, he said that it's very common. I have a question. Are him and his partner in an open relationship?

We don't know that information. Because I want to know if these guys are like, hey, I'm hooking up with guys and he's like, oh, yeah, you're not gay. Let's play one of my favorite games. I've never done this before. That's what Tom says. Yeah. Is that we, we think it might be a ploy because I, when I lived in San Francisco,

there were gay guys whose specialty was the whole thing of like. Straight guys. Yes. Yes, the fetish. Your boyfriend, I could turn your boyfriend is what I had a friend. This reminds me of a straight, a straight male relationship coach

for women, like the guy, but he's single and he's like, I just coach women to, you know, to get and then you're like, do you happen to bang them sometimes? I mean, have we connected? I don't know, I'm not trying to. We call it a connection. Yeah. I think you're just doing this whole thing to get late. I think it's a different type

of grooming. I don't know. I feel like he can be like, no, bro, you can be straight, but let's get each other's dicks. He's also an author. Well, this is the book. Is my husband gay, straight or bi? A guide for women concerned about their men. Okay. If you buy

this book, you already have your answer. I think so, too. One woman is like, you know what? I need this. It's like I've got, you know. What's going on with you, sweetie? Are you? Well, okay. Let me, Yana. What if that was in your stocking on Christmas? Oh my God.

It's over. Yeah. It's over. Well, Yana, allow me to defend Dr. Joe Court's position because he does have a point that, you know, when women kiss their friends, their girlfriends in college or whatever, it's just spectromy. And then why do we have the same double

standard for men? Like, couldn't men have an experience in college and just go, not for me or that was weird. I was drunk. Well, I think that's toxic masculinity at work because I feel like women, it's like more like, oh, we can, we've

normalized that behavior, but I feel like guys can be, I feel like guys have hooked. I know I've hooked up with straight guys and they now have families and wives. Yeah. Hey, dude, she's right here. Chill the fuck out. I'm sorry. So... Wait, tell me about that. It was one time. Okay, five. Tell me about the straight

guys you've hooked up with and how does that go down? I mean, I was in school and I remember we were like, oh God, we were in his car and, you know, we're hooking up in his car. Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, you need more.

No, you gotta go back. Christine, definitely once more. Yeah, like you can't just go and then one thing led to another. You have to go. Okay, so you're, first of all, are you out at this point? Are you the guy on campus? So he knows. Yeah, he's your friend. No, we met on a chat site. Remember? Oh, good old guy. So he's good old gay.com

right to the point. Oh, so he's looking though. He's searching. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you get chatting and in the chat, do you say, hey, I'm a gay guy? Are you straight? Like, you find out that he's straight? Is he telling you I'm curious? Well, it's like yeah, I think it's at that point

it was like, I'm curious let's try some shit out. Okay. And did you know him in real life? No, no, no, no, no. It was just at that point it was like a spontaneous like hookup. And then where did you meet? I don't remember exactly where we met. I think he picked me up

in his car, which, you know, safety first kids. Clearly. I mean, so he picks you up in his car and he's like and he's like sup and then watch the football game. Yeah, it was kind of like that. He was like hot Latino kind of like thick

football player. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, Tom. It's all good. Is this in North Carolina? I had a gay boss in Texas. This is where you're going. I had a gay boss who tried to pitch me on hooking up. Well, let's talk about that.

How did that one go? I want to hear more about this hookup. Oh, okay. Well, we parked across from the theater apartment. Was he nervous? I a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. I think there was some like, oh, we're going to get

caught because I mean, my God, this was kind of like, you know, in Texas, you can't it's not really. Yeah. Normalized at the time and kind of still isn't, I guess. I don't know. It's not San Francisco. No, no, right, right. And, you know, we could get in trouble,

you know, so there was kind of like that excitement about it to adrenaline surge. Yeah. Is this daytime or nighttime? This is nighttime. Oh, my God. Yeah. And then in his car and now you guys drinking. No, no drinking. Straight, just fucking. Yeah. Like old fashioned.

So you're like, hi, I'm Justin and he's like, oh, I'm well, I think that's racist. No, I'm just kidding. I can do it. He did not say, oh, yeah, it was not. No, he wasn't selling flowers on the highway. Okay. Well, well, well,

the tables have turned. Did you want a rose? Our bag of orange. But we we started like making out and, you know, so who initially, so you start Frenching him or he Frenches you. I mean, this is like a detective. Well, because I'm

so curious, like he must be nervous as hell and you're like experienced. You've already been with men. This is also like 19, 20 years old. So we're like, yeah, new newbies at it. But I remember we, you know,

there were some we were dicks came out and there was a moment where he was like, yeah, I'm not gay. I remember this. He was like, I'm not gay. One day I want to have a wife and kids and I was like, okay. He said that.

Yeah. She bought me. Wow. I'm very bilingual. You got all the important ones down for sure. Shut up and suck it. You knew he knew them right off the bat. So did you suck his ween and then did he did he reciprocate

with seatbelts on, I think. Okay. Was he good at it? Yeah. Wow. There was like another moment too. Like, I gotta tell you, I think you're gay. Yeah. What was very, very weird because it was like there was one

we were both heading down to like Padre Island for spring break. Oh, yeah. And we were driving down to Padre Island and he had picked up like his girlfriend, like one of his girlfriends, not the girlfriend. I got your girlfriend. Yeah. And she had like passed out in the back seat

and we were like like while she was asleep, that was really hot. Wow. After that, it was like we never talked again. But in your professional opinion, would you assess that he was gay? Or is this, was this is it possible to truly just be on the spectrum

and go on off? Yeah. I think he was literally trying it. I think he was just selling his oats. I think I think he's hit me up a couple of times like on the Facebook or something like I heard you on Rogan or something like that.

Yeah. Maybe he listens to this. Well, if he does, you know exactly who you are. But but like you know, I don't judge anybody for like what they want to do. I just feel like the you know, it's the honesty to yourself

is the most important thing. And if you're with somebody to be honest about that, like you can be bisexual, you can be curious, but like when it when it it does suck though, if if like what he wants to do is be gay and he's not right. I mean, that sucks. Well, that's

the stigma of like, oh, I'm in Texas and I got it. I went to school with a guy who was not comfortable like being out or anything. Would like see girls, but like there was just a bunch of stories around about him

with guys and you know, everybody's talking about it. Yeah. It's kind of like scandalous at the time. And then he went on to another school and I met friends of his at the other school who were like, oh, yeah. And they just had more stories about him. I was like, oh, so he's gay. He's like getting into being comfortable

with it. Didn't see him for like a decade. And then he's like, yeah, me and my wife, my kids and all this stuff. And I was like, what? Your wife and kids. Yeah. Like that to me. I was like, oh, it's kind of because I feel like I feel like, you know, well, I feel like there's there you can also

there's so many ways you can hide. You can hide in religion. Yeah. I mean, that's what Colton just did and the bachelor this past week. I saw that. So yeah, he he just recently came out, you know, very dramatically on Good Morning America. Mine was not so much that. But like, you know,

he was like, I was raised to be a Catholic and it was looked down upon. And I did three seasons of the bachelor and knew I was gay in sixth grade. I'm like, I get that. But at the same time, I'm like, you did put a tracker on your ex-girlfriend's car. So that's a little extreme.

But, you know, now he's like comfortable with who he is and, you know, has a Netflix deal in the works. Oh, really? Good for him. New show. Good for a new series coming. Do you think then that bisexual men exist?

To be honest. Yeah. Really? They can go back and forth by by guys. By guys, especially because I'm telling you that I in SF, at least the gay dudes I knew, very rare, forgot to be by, like, truly. Well, that's San Francisco. That's like

the Mecca of the day. Yeah. I feel like like if you're by in San Francisco, they shun you out into the streets. Oh, so it's. Yeah, exactly. It was shameful to be a by man. That was like, dude, you're not pure.

Like at the fuck. Yeah, you're right. But I mean, also it's I feel everyone's at this point kids and I say kids, I mean, young adults have more courage and they're more fluid, which is something that's kind of educated

me a little bit. And also you have to be this that or that. But also society is way different. Yeah. I mean, you know, 25 years ago or something, somebody says they're gay. Everybody like Jesus. Yeah. Like now they're like, oh, that's pretty cool. Well, yeah, the fucking you should put that like

on your bio. Yeah. And you have like five year olds being like, I'm gay. Yeah. Yeah. It's awesome. Wait, so you got your boss, you hooked up with your boss. I didn't hook up with my boss. What? It's fine. This is a safe space. It's a safe space. Okay, here it goes. Point of personal privilege.

No, so I first of all, this is like peak time. I'm like 21. Hot. Yeah, I'm looking all right. And he was dude, he was so transparent. Like, first of all, he's very flamboyant and he hears me talking to somebody as I'm an intern

and at this production company and he goes, you know, I'm actually looking for an intern. I was like, oh, really? And then he goes, he kept referring to me as a hot Cuban. He was like, you're this hot Cuban. I'm not Cuban. Didn't matter how many times I told him. He'd be like, I got this

cute hot Cuban guy that I was like, all right, man. Oh my God. And then one time I had gone on a date and I was like, I brought up like, that this chick was annoying. He was like, that's why you got to get with guys. I was like, what? Wow. Was he out? Was he out? Oh, yeah. Okay. He said flamboyant. Yeah. I mean,

like, I mean, yeah, like we would have production meetings and we used to laugh about how we're talking about like shots. You know, how we're going to shoot this scene, right? His production stuff. And he'd be like, you know, we want like a sexy shot of like a door shutting and we would always

be like, how's it sexy? It's just a door. Everything had to be sexy. So he's like, and then we'll have like a sexy swoop in and then like a sexy call up and by we're like, is there anything not sexy? Well, he's directing porn at this point. Yeah. It feels like it is. But then one time he was like, he goes, that's what I'm telling you, man. Like if you

if you're with a guy, it's like, you know, I'll watch the game and suck your dick while you drink a beer. Oh, he was gay baiting you. Oh, yeah. And I was like, cool, man. That's very cool. And you never tried it? No, I didn't. Not once? No. But it sounds perfect. Well, first of all, was he like a six?

Like a five? I mean, first of all, I'm 21 and he's like 45. Oh, yeah. He wanted to do you a favor. Now, earlier before you came in before we came in, I was talking about if I was going to go I'm going like Zach Efron. Like that level.

That's your number one. I mean, that's what I'm saying. Like if you want to talk me into it, that's what I'm that's what I want to be talked into is like we were looking at. I mean, he's fucking flawless. Zach Efron. I mean, look at him. He's flawless. He's shirtless. I mean. Yeah, dude.

Now, if that guy had been like, you want to watch the game and I'll suck your dick while you drink a beer, I'd be like, all right, man. Wow. I'd be like. Like now, Zach Efron, not high school musical right now. This one right here, I'd be like, you know, you know, you might not know this act, but a lot of straight guys, there's a stigma

and I don't fucking understand why turn the pages. Where's the chapter on Zach Efron? I mean, I mean, yeah, Zach Efron is definitely that's up there. I mean, he's he's up there. He hikes. He does retreats or even 57 year old Brad Pitt.

He could get it too. Oh, really? I mean, come on. The guy still looks fucking. I know. What about a young? OK, we're having this debate. Jesus Christ, man. No, he's so stunningly handsome. It's so funny because I've just had like crushes on these guys for like so many years that I'm just kind of like, uh-huh. Yeah.

I'm like numb. So but would you take Brad Pitt or Zach Efron? Oh my God. Look how good looking that guy is. See, I would take Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall as I think the majority of the world would. Yeah.

I think a lot of people would take him now. Tristan just fly fishing. Yeah. Or even interview with a vampire. Or interview the vampire. Look at that. Yeah. God. Now, have you seen Cobra Kai? So I'm like, oh my God. Are you really back on this bullshit?

We're having girl talk. G-U-R-L talk. You and Burt talk about tits all day. Yeah, that's true. You guys do talk about Burt's tits a lot. Yeah. Oh shit, he's going to come back from this fucking movie like 275.

Where is he at Serbia or something? Good. Keep him there. Oh, man. Do you think he's going to get so much fatter of drinking and partying? Yeah, dude. He's FaceTiming me twice. Completely shit-faced. Oh wow. What's Serbia? He's like, are you all right? He's like, I'm having a couple bottles of wine.

He's going to be working out. He's going to be shooting like 16-hour days. Well, you got to get bigger to stay warm. It's like that. It's like walrus. That's a good excuse. It's like that insulation. I hope he comes back enormous. So what was the Cobra Kai? Oh, I'm just in love with

a couple of characters. No big deal. They're 22 in real life. But they're playing teens. They always have been like that though. I know, but I'm like Robby. Do you like Robby or the other guy who's in... I mean, he's 20. Tanner Buchanan.

That's a poor name. That is. That's a poor name. These look like fucking children. Well, I mean, you guys like... At least I'm out there fucking real men, all right? That's true. Christina, you're the one with the problem. No. Let's see what Dr. Court has to say about that.

Another reason straight men will engage in having sex with other men is fraternity initiations so well described in the book, Not Gay, Sex Between Straight White Men by Jane Ward. She basically tries to talk about from a sociological point of view

why do these straight men in fraternities put fingers in each other's butts, urinate at each other, get naked, engage in what we would call homosexual sex acts, but they're left alone. Nobody's ever saying these dudes are really gay

and are they closeted and what's going on with them. She talks very eloquently about what she thinks is going on. For these men, it's required sex and so based on that they engage in it, but then they have a disgust response and the more disgusted they are, the more it reinforces

their heterosexuality. The part of being white, they go unnoticed. Nobody ever accuses them of being gay or bisexual. These are straight boys having fun. Are you seeing yet that none of this is about being gay or bisexual? No. Okay. What fraternity is this? Kappa Omega Kappa?

Is this cock? What's going on? The Trilams. I don't know. I think he just likes to hear himself talk, honestly. I don't know. But you know what's interesting, so we were talking about how, yeah, okay, there's a double standard, but there is this masculine culture that we

live in. So to go outside of that culture and try even being gay, I mean the risk is so heavy there. What in a man have to really, I don't know, like really want it, like really be inclined in that direction versus like a casual

casual jaunt in homosexualities. I mean, I feel like a casual jaunt is really wanting it. Once you like step into that territory, you know, I feel like it's one thing to be like, oh, I'm going to search on my computer, like maybe watch a porn or... Are you doing that?

Or rent a film if that's still a thing, but I feel like once this whole thing seems hilarious to me because I can tell you like if you're straight and you are so aroused by women, you never are like I wonder if guys will do it

for me too. It just never occurs to you. If you're going to a gay bar by yourself without your girlfriends or your wife, like... I did go with Burt once. To a gay bar? Yes. With our trainer who was gay. That's fine. So if you're like having that, having that, what's it

called, that... I'm not going to lie to being held. I'm not going to lie to you. There are parts where I was holding on to Burt like, hey, mistake close to me. Dude, I went to one with Jim, Jeffries. We were doing a show in, I think we're in Minnesota and it was

epic. Oh, so the theater we were at, it was like right there and then a couple doors down was this gay bar called the barn door. Yeah. The bar or the saloon. Something Minnesota. And we go in there

because it's right there and it's open and where a lot of the crowd from the show is at this bar and everyone's just cool and we're just having drinks and I'm like, yeah, it's a gay bar, I guess. And all of a sudden there's like this plexiglass this dude comes out just

butt ass naked. Butt ass naked. Turns on a shower that's in there and just starts taking a shower. My back's to the plexiglass. I just look at Jim just like he's like, mate, you got to turn around

right now and I'm like, what? And there's this guy that's soap all over him and then there's a little slit in the plexiglass for the dollars and he's like go put a dollar in and I'm like, oh god. So I put the dollar in, he slaps it with his dick and drags it up the plexiglass. I was like, abadi abadi abadi.

Like I had never seen anything like that. Yeah, and like I gotta tell you the straights are not doing it right. Cause that sounds like a fucking party. That's fun. A shower? Yeah, but also what's it like going home? Does he just ring in his money out? He's like, what a night.

It's all wet dollars. Every night he has his whole routine. Oh, what was funny cause the women in the bar like I was looking around at the girls and they're like what? And I'm like, is this okay? And they're like, oh yeah it's shower Saturday and I was like, my bad. Shower Saturday.

I like shower Saturday. We should do that here. DJ, hit the music. Where are we going to put the shower? In the new studio, we should build a shower and then every guy has to shower for me on shower Tuesday. There's some porn dudes

There's some porn dudes in Austin. There's a porn studio in Austin called Chaos Men and they're based out of Austin. Get some go-go boys in there. I love it. KT Game. Men are so beautiful. Yeah, thanks.

It's like, yeah, it's like it's like the genetic. Yeah, you guys take care of yourself. Oh my god. No, really. That's the thing is that because they're so vain because they're like pursuing other guys, you know they take care of themselves, whereas like

straight guys are like... Well, I don't know. It's because women tolerate straight guy behavior. Whereas the gay guys are like, fuck off. Get your shit. Women... I had a game at Rios Patel was on where my mom's at and he was like, let me tell you I used to do these makeover shows

for women and I produced them and he goes, I was expecting to feel sad for these women because society tells you to do this, and he's like women are fucking doing it to themselves. Like they're accepting the low standards and they're accepting all

the shit that straight guys are doing. We can just be like, no, you can't do that. Yeah. It's like, come on. Yeah. Like clip your toenails brush your teeth you know. Look at this point you get what you get. Yeah. Wash your balls. There's so many conversations

where I still hear straight guys being like, I don't wash my nuts. Disgusting. And I'm like, oh my god. And women put up with it. And women are like, I love him so much. Yeah. Have you dated a guy with stinky nuts with a bear or bear? Every pair of nuts gets stinky.

Every pair of nuts gets stinky. That needs to be a shirt. Yeah. Write that down. Yes. Yes. There have definitely been smells. We're human. Yeah. There's been moments. But I mean have you dated a guy that's a bear that grows his musk?

We used to work out at the gay gym the bodybuilder gym. Oh yeah. And there's a lot of bears. Yeah. There was a guy at that gym, one guy in particular who put it together after a while that part of his letting you know he was there was his musk

which bro, you could walk up the stairs because there was downstairs. And as you go up the stairs, you're like that kind of stinks. Yeah. And then you get there and you're like, oh, he's here again. He's here. He had a big door knocker. Oh yeah. He had like these crazy tats. Did he grunt

and... You're walking in the gym and like a dude is just like he would stare you down. You're like, all right, man. Just fucking come in here to do squats. Is he elongated nipple? Yeah. Yeah, they love that. We love that.

No, I was actually at the gym the other day and I was like, who's eating sauerkraut? And I was like, that's me. Yeah. I was like, oh god, I'm stinky. Yeah. But you're used to it. It sounds like you're used to the man's soup. Well, yeah. Gay guy man's soup.

I'm not having woman's soup, so... Yeah. I've had woman's soup and it's, you know... You're just like, ugh. It's just like a, like putting your dick in a wet hamburger. Yeah. Gross. And do you hate the way women smell, like vagina smells? I did have a girl

in school who had the worst B.O. I've ever encountered in my life. Yeah. It's unexplainable. It was almost like it was like dry vomit. Oh. But covered up with like a Britney Spears perfume.

In her vag or all over? All over. Oh, that's not good. Yeah. Jesus. What's your category in the gay scene right now? Like there are bears, there are cubs, there are otters, there are... Good for you. She really knows. I'm so proud of you.

San Francisco, there was the bandana game. The bandana game is very vintage, yeah. Yeah, that's old school. That's not a thing anymore. So... I suppose we don't know what the bandana game... You can see why she's asking all the questions. It's the code, yeah, no. Because in San Francisco, I remember

there's a code, yeah, if you wore a brown hanky... You were into shit. Out of your pocket. I know. I gotta tell you, I'll tell you this. I pretty much have, and I swear to you, a non-judgment point of view on kinks across the board. You tell me what you're into, I'm like,

whatever man, does that make you happy? Not at shit. I'm like, you're fucked up, man. You are fucked up. See, I... Shit? I don't get... No, no, no, I'm not into shit. Come on. I'm not into shit. But I can get... There's one that I can't get into.

Ugh. I can't get into fisting. No! No! I don't get it. I don't get it, yeah. It terrifies me. It should. I don't know what... Especially when it's like... I have long arms. Yeah. And like...

I'm not on Pornhub, and I've seen just like shoulder deep, and I'm like... It's not good for you. Are we tickling rib cages? Are we playing in the xylophone with the ribs? What are we doing? It's not good for you. It's very bad. And then I've seen the...

The... I don't like that either, man. I don't like gaping either. Fisting, I just go... I understand that. I'm with you. That might be pleasurable to some, and you're... What am I in my community? Yeah. I don't... I think I...

I've... questioned this a lot. Because I'm not a bear. No. I'm not an otter, because I'm very... I have no chest hair. But explain what an otter is. An otter is like a tall slender guy with body hair. There's a lot of those in the gay community.

I'm not a twink. A twink is like a young... like Zac Efron in high school musical. He's a twink. Bears are hairy. I think I'm a... a twunk. I think I'm an old twink.

An older... Like a hunky twink. You want to see some wild shit? I mean, I'm here, aren't I? I've been waiting. Yes. Yes. Oh, God! Oh!

I'm not looking. I looked! Oh, wow! How does that even work? How does that even work? And why did it look like... like... I don't even know what it looked like. It looked like a...

Like a bag. Describe what you just saw. I saw darkness is what I saw. Oh, I can't. We're watching fisting videos. Oh, my God. I can't even look. And someone's grinding the sausage.

Yeah. And that's what it looked like. And to think that someone's like, you know what? I'm into this. This is what turns me on the most. And what happens? Do you wear diapers? And what happens? Let's say you're going out with a guy and you're like, man, this guy's fucking awesome. You love everything about... And then he's like, all I need you to do

is put both of your arms in my pants. Both of your arms. Just like a casual both of your arms. And pull my insides out. And then we'll be set. Get the fuck out of here. Can you rearrange my guts with your bare hands? Did you ever get...

Did it ever come on your radar when we played RPC? Robert Paul Champagne. Like, he's our number one top tier gang. Maybe? Here's what he was... What did you date? Came on the scene for this video. Black guys who love to fuck and fuck good.

If you're a hot black guy and you want to fuck me at 23.95. If you want to move in, you can move in, but you got to fuck me. I need to be fucked a lot, man. Get rid of free food, free rent and everything else, man. He has a deal, man.

Men from jail, homo-zorum. If you want to come and then a friend can move too, man. Free rent, you get a lease and a key. Fuck me. Piss off me. Beat me. I'm home now. You see me when I come over today and try it out, try it out, man. If in my building, try it out.

You want to fuck a piss, let me try it out. Seriously, it's probably only this fuck, man. I'm looking for hardcore guys that want to do it and I want to deliver it. I'm a hot fuck. I trash. Come to the fuck. I mean... I mean...

That is the bio. That's it. I mean, that's also very... That's like old school. Yeah, yeah. We were talking about old school. We love old school guys. He's been on the show multiple times now.

After we saw it, we're like, well, this guy's dead. But then after... After like a year, we ended up connecting with him. He's been on the show multiple times. And one of the things he said is he's like, these new gigs fucking suck. He's like, I miss the old days.

He's like, when guys... He said, today's guys are too mushy and lovey-dovey. He's like, where are those guys that just come over and fuck the shit out of you? Well, they're still around. Well, I mean... I'll give you his phone number. It's also very... It's different because now we have

smartphones and dating apps and hookup apps. Oh yeah, and he's not on those, though. Of course he's not. He better not be. No, he like leaves a number on a wall. You know, he's old school. He totally does. He's got a landline with a voicemail.

He has an OnlyFans. He started one recently and he puts up... Is this it? Watch, pay attention. I'm coming. Where is it? I know, where is it? Quite a performance.

I got a new ringtone. I actually already isolated it for you. I'll let it to you after this. That ringtone would be priceless. Just having to go off in church or something. Like, fuck. See, this is a classic gay. This is the gay guy I grew up with.

Like, this to me is like gold standard for gay dudes. Gold? Yeah, dude, this is like... Top tier? This is the fucking best. This is his character, Officer Cumdump. Wild, dirty and filthy. That's right, Officer Cumdump.

Take it like a man. I will bend down and you could bang me as you can. He's too fast, dude. Would you have sex with him, though? No. Hard no. Hard no, no. I didn't mean to jump that far.

You didn't think about it much. He was very vocal. But he's so into it. I would be his friend. I would support him in his decisions. I don't even know him that I'm doing it. This is the lane I've chosen. I'd like to be his friend.

I'd want to be his friend. Whatever gets you off, whatever. Some of my best friends are... My good guy friends make fun of me because I can talk the talk. But when something actually happens, I turn into Blanche Devereux and I'm just like, oh, my...

I turn into this weird Southern bell where I just get very shy and bashful about sex. Really? I do, yeah. Yeah, so you talk the talk. I can be like, yeah, I want it. And then someone's like, all right, let's go. And I'm like, ah, I would never...

So you need an aggressor. You would need somebody who was like, you do this. You suck it. And then you're like, okay, like that. Yeah, I can do that. But it's not... When it's like, hey, you want to, you know,

shove a Ouija board at my ass. I'm like, no, we're not going to do that. Maybe you need a police officer. That's right. Officer, come dump here. That's right, waiting for you. Did I do? You need reaction, you need things. Let me take off my glasses and let me see who I'm talking to.

Oh, let me see who I'm talking to. Okay. Wow. Wow. Oh, God, he's the best. He seems like a good guy. So now from what I've understood in the gay community, this pandemic has just been horrendous, because, you know, the bars are closed.

Yeah. And this is where you socialize, you see your friends, and that's devastating. So are you back in the scene? Um, dating had to be horrible for everybody. Oh, I didn't date anybody for a whole year. Yeah. I did not do anything with anybody for a whole year.

I know. I feel like we did that drive-in show a couple of times. It was horrible. And you were like, are you okay, Justin? I'm like, hell, it's a dry spell, mommy. But I mean, the gay bars are just also a place to congregate and catch up, right? Well, it's not just, like, courting.

One of my favorite, favorite, favorite bars closed down this year, which was sad. Which one? It was called The Gold Coast, which is legendary. It's been around for, like, 39 years. Oh, no. It was right on Santa Monica Boulevard,

like, past the strip, like, east of, you know, the main bars, like, the Abbey and shit. But it was just this divey, like, pictures of beer, had a jukebox, there was a pool table, you could play darts. And every time, like, I would go to the store,

or after my set, I'd be like, I'm gonna go have a beer, I'd meet up with some of my friends and be like, hey, let's go get a beer at Gold Coast. And then it closed down, and it was just so, like, dirty and, like, older guys. It was, like, a small town gay bar vibe. Oh, I like that. It wasn't this, like, skew the fog.

You know, it was, like... Intimidated. Yeah, well, and everyone's walking around just, like, you know, with their cheeks and their lips and their whole faces done. Yeah. And who are you? Who do you know? Like, it was just, like... Regular hang. Yeah, we could just sit at the bar and, like, catch up and...

And that's done. And it's gone. And I know. So many places, man. Yeah. I mean, I've been seeing it, like, because I've been doing a little bit of the road more. It's like, you go to these, and they're like, this is closed, that restaurant, everything's closed. Yeah. They closed down. We lost Flaming Saddles, which was, like, a cool, um...

bar. Yeah. Do you think they'll ever name gay bar's normal thing? No. No. It has to... It has to have, like, rage closed down, too, which has been around rage closed. It was, like, in the 80s. I know rage, yes. I think Lance Bass bought it, so he's our patron saint now. Oh. We actually saw that...

Look, we talked about it, that he claims it's gonna be the biggest... No? That's true? Well, do we want the biggest gay bar after a pandemic? Like, do we? It's gonna restart the pandemic. I know. I know. We still have AIDS. Let's just take baby steps, you know?

Oh, God. Now, when you said... What was it called? Suncoast? Gold Coast? Gold Coast, yeah. Did you ever play Tic-Tac-Toe when you were there? Tic-Tac-Toe? Yeah, because... What is this? What are you doing? Oh, God. Tic-Tac-Toe. Tic-Tac-Toe.

Then you put X. X. Oh, yeah. You want to put... You want to put pig on me, man? Yeah. Pig. Yeah, let me know, man. Pig.

Is that painter or is it his shit? Pig. Good question. It's a good game. Not sure. I was always taken by the fact that he didn't win Tic-Tac-Toe playing alone. And he played himself? Yes. He did X, X, O. Like, hey, you lost, man.

Even O was an X. Not in order. Hey, man, what are you doing? You can't play with yourself. You can't play with yourself. You can't play Tic-Tac-Toe by yourself. To answer your question about getting back into it,

I feel like now people are kind of getting vaxed more and good. Putting their toes back in. It's funny because I've been on a couple dating apps just to kind of just test the waters and see.

But like, that's like the first question that comes up and that's actually in someone's bio now. It's like fully vaxed. Well, I was going to ask you about gay profiles. It must be so awesome. Are you guys like, I'm vaxed. I'm a power bottom.

I like pissing. Do you just put it all out there? Some people do, yeah. It must be great. I wish, let me see if I have what is my bio say on something. What do you want?

A grinder? Do you want a grinder? Let's see who's around town right now. Let's see. Here, I'll turn the volume on too to see if anyone chimes in and how long it takes. Oh, is this going like live? This is exciting. Did you ever go to those ButtFuck

clubs? Like in San Francisco there were like clubs where a guy would just... I swear you are really fired up about this. Well, I love gay culture. It's the best. It's fascinating. Let's see, I want to see... Gay men are the best. Kid me? They're like Uber humans.

It doesn't say, oh, maybe I don't have a... I love the case. Oh, about me. Oh, nope. I don't have anything in my... Oh, we got to change that. Yeah, what are you doing? Oh, do you want to help me? Yeah, let's write a bio for you. Okay, edit profile about me. Okay, so what are we going to say?

Um... What are you? Are you a power top? Are you a power bottom? Let me help you out here. Okay, let's lead with height. You have good height. Yeah, so you're 6... 3... Wow, Justin. Dang.

Hung cut. That's what they say on there. Hung cut, okay. They say that on their profiles. The gay community. Keep going. 6-3, hung cut. Good shape. Give me an adjective and a noun. Okay. Grinder mad libs. Oh, gratitude.

6-foot-3, hung cut. Athletic. Fit. No, funny, fit. And then dash dash. No one wants funny. You're not coming over to be like, hey. Okay, okay. The pandemic, am I right? Suck puppet.

Suck puppet? And then dash dash, tic-tac-toe. Suck puppet, dash, tic. You guys are dudes. You guys know. Let me know if this works out for you. Tic-tac-toe. L-O-L. You know what I mean. There you go.

Okay, you know what I mean. And if someone's, you know everyone's going to be like, tic-tac-toe, and I'm like, no. You're coming over. Dude, I want a full report on this bio. Wait, so is it going to go live, and then dudes in the area will, like, hit you up? And do they see your face?

Yeah. Do you want to see my profile? See, this is where, because I'm never on... Oh, my God. You look amazing. Dude, that's fucking killer. That's huge. That's your Grinder profile?

Yeah, I like the outdoors. That's me at the beach. You're adorable. What a catch. That's me outside. Dude, come on. We're just going to have that play. Let's see if anybody hits you. Can you leave it open so that people can hit you up?

Let's get you laid today, bro. Oh, see, I don't know if I... Well, no. I'm ready. Believe that. I'm ready. All right, let's take a look at... So we play this game sometimes called Horrible or Hilarious. Okay.

And we just show you a video, and you tell us whether it's... Very straight guy game. Oh, let's go. The majority of my friends are straight, by the way. Just fucking comedians. All right, so is this horrible or hilarious? I'm going to hit him back. I'm going to hit him back on the road.

Ambulance. What happened? It ran over the guy. It's going to help the ambulance. I'm going to hit him back on the road. Oh, I mean, that's hilarious. I'm going to hit him back on the road. I'm going to hit him back on the road. And run over him.

Oh, yeah. I don't hear you loling. I mean, it's not... It's like it's dark hilarious. Yeah. Like, he was wanting to help and they ran him over? They ran him over, yeah. It's kind of like... To be clear, Tom was the only one who laughed.

Well, I mean, if you put a Benny Hill track behind that... That's different, yeah. Cut out the screaming and everything's funny. I haven't seen this one. This is another Horrible or Hilarious. Let's see. This is a guy walking, carrying something in a backyard. Oh, I got a notification. Let's see it.

Hold on. I don't know what happens. He's walking up to like a shed. Oh! Oh, God! What big guys fall, man? Tell me about it. I mean...

Sorry, too soon. Oh, he broke something. He broke something. Yeah, because you don't have to fall that far. Yeah, I know. I'll tell you. That gravity, man. 3-4 inches will do it. Again?

It's a really small fall. He's definitely... That's a big guy, though. He's too big to fall. He knows he's shuffling here. And what did he hit? Oh! That's a shoulder break.

Collarbone, maybe? Yeah, it's something up here. That's a great scream, though. That's a Horrible. And that's what sucks, too. He just slid right off the incline. Can we see who your grinder matches? She's like, shut up!

This is David. Let's check out what's his story. What's his profile? Oh, see, here's the thing. Anonymous. I don't have time for that. No, that's creepy. Who trusts that? And then bottom host now,

26. That's a good one. But also, there was the face. No, that's another guy. That's whack, though, right? To cut your face out? Well, it's like a... I don't know what... Do you respect that? There's a whole thing of torso culture,

where it's like... You gotta see the face. Oh, I thought you meant the D. No, the face. If you're coming over or I'm coming over, what do you look like? But there's people who are like, I don't care what you look like, doors unlocked.

Dungeon. That guy asked me to come over to his dungeon like last week, and I was like, God, right after Easter? It was like... Okay. Well, because you mentioned, as soon as you got here,

that you pay homage to the Church of Christina and TikToks, we thought we would play some TikToks for you. Oh, God, okay, yes. I was looking for me. Bitch, here I go. She's the best, dude. She got fired from her job at McDonald's.

Did she? From making TikToks, yeah. She got really famous on TikTok, and then they fired her from McDonald's. That's haters. There's a big time, Mickey D haters. As always, I don't know what's in this. These are just from Christina's curations.

I must say, it's been a different rabbit hole than I've been going down, but I'll let them speak for themselves. Go ahead, go ahead. That's hard to do. Oh, God, that was it? I was waiting. I was like, if there's a broken bone.

I thought we were going to see a fucking leg snap 100%. Full femur snap. I was like... Oh, man, this leg's going to snap in half. I was waiting for it. He's a big guy jumping around. He's a sweet, happy guy.

A new homeowner with joy in his body. I have to say, my favorite part of that whole thing is you saying, that's hard to do. To jump seven times in an empty bedroom. That's impressive. I can't do that. Can you do that?

Justin can do it. I'm still rehabbing, but Justin can do it. I can't, because after having two kids, my hips are like... I couldn't jump like that, so I was really taken. The physical feet of 2021 everybody. I can't do that. You can do that.

He's also incorporating that dolphin move that the kids do. And that's... He doesn't have trampoline or anything. That's good. I can't do that. He was really proud of himself. He was. He was like...

How many likes did that have? It's like 8,000 likes for this guy jumping around. I put something up and it's like four. I'm like, Jesus Christ. Tonight in Omaha, Nebraska, the temperature is 51 degrees outside. I am in the emergency room

hospital because I don't feel real good. If you guys would like to pray for me, then it's fine and okay. What is the temperature? Will you guys live that? And what are you guys doing tonight? Have a wonderful and God bless at night. Bye. That is a queen.

This is why you asked for face pics on Grindr. Yeah. That looks like the gay doctors like mom. Well, and didn't it take you on a roller coaster? First it was the weather is 57.

I thought, well, that's chilly and then I'm in the hospital. I'm not feeling well. What's the weather like in York? Wow, then she brought it back to the weather again. See, I didn't even hear the weather. I was thinking, who cut her hair? Then there's that. Can I get their number?

Exactly. How do you feel about it? I haven't heard you chime in. That's a really good one. She gets her hair cut at fan tragic Sam's. Dude, it is a thing too. And I think I observe it maybe because

I hear her all the time. I hear her just all the time making observations more about women. But I'm almost stunned when I see women with particularly bad haircuts. Has no one fucking said something to you? Here's the thing, they don't have gay friends

or they don't believe in it. So if you don't believe in gay stuff, you get the bowl. Thank you, Justin. Let me tell you. How many Republican women have bad haircuts? Bad chunky highlights. You know, because they're like,

marriage is between a man and a woman. It's like, really, Brenda? That's right, we need a gay man to teach you all of this stuff. A hundred percent, man. Gay men make straight women look beautiful. Like, just have somebody who knows fucking style and trends.

Can I tell you something that happened in Silver Lake? Please. Do you remember this? My parents came to visit. Oh, God. This is the best story. This involves her. So my dad was like, you know, such a middle America white guy

and he's married to this Latina lunatic. And they come over where it's like 2012, I think. In Silver Lake. And we live on Hyperion. So you can walk down like MJs, say cheese, TJs.

I know. Do you remember was it Fisting Tuesdays there? No, RIM job. RIM job, I remember that. So they had, yeah, and there's the Trader Joe's and so my mom comes up, she's like, I need to get the haircut. And I think you say like, I know

where to take you. Well, no, first I say you got to go to Alan. But he's not available. Alan Martinez, shout out, he wasn't available. He was last minute. And I said, against my better judgment, I warned her, I go, look, Alan Martinez is the only guy I trust.

He's in Beverly Hills. Let me take you. Because even when I had no money, I spent my money on good hair. And she refused me. So I just want to go here. So he walks down Hyperion and she gets her hair cut by a

butchie lesbian woman who puts her aesthetic on my mother. So in other words, the woman's like, this is what I like. Like this butchie woman cuts my mom's hair to please herself,

the hairdresser. Does that make sense? You know what I mean? She's like, this is what I'm into. This is my project. This is my canvas. I'll tell you what's a good looking cut is like this. Oh, God. So, am I waiting for a picture?

Is that there's going to be a... No, it's not. So we're just at home with my dad and then, I don't know, hour and a half later two hours later, we see them walking up the driveway. I don't even see it. I'm just sitting there and my dad all of a sudden he goes, oh, shit.

And I go, what? He's like, your mom. She looks like a gay guy. I go, what? It turns out because the lady had given her a spiky... It was like... Kind of like your hair now. I was shorter.

No, no. It was a spike. It was a spike. And it was like almost mohawk-y. Like Kate Goslin? It was like mohawk-y. It looked like she was going to go to lead a softball team on a championship run. Hold on. It was like what boys do when it's like

they mash down this part and there was like the front. So TikTok. A TikTok kid. I love how you're like, what's it look like? I'm like, a TikTok kid? That's the whole thing. Now they swoop it down. Wow. There was something done.

She didn't do color. And here's the best part is that as your mother was getting the haircut, I was holding this, the haircutter's chihuahua. I'll never forget. And your mother was looking at me because she could see in the mirror what this woman was doing to her. What did she say?

Nothing. Your mother was just like, I was laughing the whole time. The best is that my dad was more upset than my mom. He was like, God damn it. It was like a man. But I wonder if she didn't say anything

because if she didn't, it'd be like a hate crime or something. She was like, I don't want to offend her. No. It was just too intimidating because it was such a lesbian. It was a lesbian owned, lesbian run salon. It was an alpha female. Alpha female. Silverback. Yeah. It was understood if you're in there,

you're likely down with what they're going to give you. And I wonder, I was like, dude, this is like a hate neighborhood. She got it because she couldn't wait for out. She could have waited for the guy who knows what's up. Beverly Hills. Yes. But she was like, no, I got to go now.

How many inches did they take off? Girl. Girl. Let me tell you. It was like this hot. It was so bad. I'm surprised she wasn't late. Later that week, my dad was like, can't believe I have to look at your mother like this. Oh.

All right. There's so good. Oh. Head on the highway. Looking for adventure. We know how it goes. For whatever comes our way. Yeah.

Wow. This guy loves karaoke at Applebee's. He sure does. Yeah. He usually reviews food. Like fucking popcorn. I got popcorn today. Well, he likes to review the new Oreos that are out. These are vanilla instead of chocolate. I'm jumping to the next one.

Disco Bob. I took a Viagra. Yes. Now you got stuck in my throat. Now I got a stiff neck. Son of a... You know. Um...

I feel like this is that worm from Labrith that grew up. I did it. I did it. It looks like him. You know what I'm talking about? Yes. I do exactly. And also, if you're going to tell a Viagra joke, like you're going to tell a dick joke.

You got to say it with a little more confidence. Yeah. That could have actually been like a somewhat amusing dad joke. Yeah. It got stuck and I got a stiff throat. Yeah. But then he chooses not to curse at the end. Son of a...

Son of a... And it's like you're telling a dick joke. And then he went... I took a Viagra. It's like, dude, project a little bit. Tell the joke how he should have. Go ahead. I took a Viagra.

You started alright. Now you got stuck in my throat. Now I got a stiff neck. Oh! Son of a bitch. Beat son of a bitch. There you go. It's almost like the three of us have done this before.

Alright, let's go to the next one. Now what is that? This is what the night looks like. Find a bullfrog. Bunch of crawfish. What the fuck? This is Theo Vaughn's bathtub. Room.

Yep. I like it. I'm not mad at it. I love a good crawdad tadpole swamp bathtub. It's interesting. I mean, I've never seen something like this. I've never seen either. It's like a biosphere. Why are they keeping bullfrogs and crawfish in their bathtub?

I don't understand. Maybe it's a science experiment. For school. Or maybe he's just like, you know, dogs and cats are played out. Yeah. I want them tadpoles and crowdads. Bullfrogs and shit like that. It's definitely interesting.

Yeah, it is pretty dark and weird. You're not the first who would have asked me, but you are the first that I will deny. I love sorcery TikTok. Yeah. It's a good line. Like loves a renfair.

For those listening, he is answering the question, can you sleep with my wife? Yeah. And he said, you are not the first to ask me, that I will deny. Like you are not worthy. Yeah, you're not worthy. Meanwhile, wearing like a jeweled pentagram

around his neck. Very, very, very high forehead. That's like an eight head. Extremely high. Very high forehead. And very, you know, angular alien-esque frame. There is no way this guy doesn't wake up

and practice at least 12 minutes of breathing techniques. Like the stomach. So he's a devil worship. Loves incense. Yeah, he worships Satan. Oh, he really does. You know how exhausting this man would be?

Oh, he's an energy vampire. Yeah. That's what that is. You know what I do like is his softer look. As we were talking about what you could do. The eyes are. Listen, I like his long hair. Do you think you could grow a ponytail for me?

Or a pentagram around your neck? See, I have a gay friend and he's telling me what to do. I'm so feminine. It's nice. Now my friend told me. Should he get implants? For what? Well, look at his hair. Hair implants?

Let's see. No. I usually keep it like super trim. No, because then you're like, that's like pivot territory. Should he shave his beard? No, keep the beard. Beards are in.

Yeah, beards are in. Okay. I mean, if you want to and this is not pressure to do that, you could trim it a little bit, but just a little bit. But it's fine. What about butt implants? What about him? I think he might need butt cheeks.

No. Do you want to get butt implants? No, because then if you're a guy, you're just setting him up for, you know, on that one. She's out of her fucking mind. Are there guys with butt implants? Yes, I mean, yes.

Straight guys? That's what I'm wondering. No, I think I could probably just do more squats. Just do some glutes, do some squats, bro. Okay. Don't threaten me. Oh, okay. I don't like it.

What happened? Did I hit a nerve about TJ and Judy and them? I don't know about Tammy. I ain't said nothing about no Tammy. Wow. This is one of my favorite types of talks, which is I have personal things to handle on a public platform.

Yes, yes, yes. But it's also like how people get so... Yeah, that's a good pounded out. It's like you can make shit up to spark someone, just to set them off, let them snap. She's like, I don't know who you're talking about

and you're accusing me of things that I don't know about and I won't get angry. Well, what's great about her, if you want to look at it, it says KV1 that stands alone. That's her TikTok.

And there's a series of these where she's just going back and forth with this person and she's fully threatening people It's great. Where does she live? Florida? Oh, this is Brooklyn, actually. Brooklyn native. When they're like, what's that?

And she did a dramatic pause. This is from acting class. Yeah, very absent. Oh, like it. It's Tyler Adler. Jesus. Alright, one more. Let's see what we round this up with.

Hey, who you paying for? Wow. Wow. Wow. I can't even, I don't even know where to begin. Like, she had full of like penguin mouth

from Batman Returns when he has that like, my face coming out. Yeah, that was like juggalo shit. This is, okay. I posted a couple videos. I think I posted a couple TikToks, actually. With people doing

drugs or, you know, they're clearly fucked up and non-shit and people are like, this isn't funny. And I'm like, well, it's kind of, I mean, if you're... It's hilarious. It's not funny. If I saw that in a restaurant, I'm still waiting.

Like, I see all these like Karen explosions on TikTok and I'm like, ready? I'm like, I'm waiting for the what would you do guy to come out? Because I'm waiting for that like in public scene to happen and I'm like, ready? Wow, I know you're holding your phone

like something happened. Something has to happen. This is like, you know, this might be like day six of a binge. Of a binge or withdrawal maybe? I don't think she's withdrawn. I think she's going all in on that. And the weird thing is like... The weird thing?

Well, to me, is it like you see the look, the makeup, the behavior and I'm still completely attracted to her. Oh, wow. I want to be with her. I'm super checked on. What's her name? Do you know her name? I would love if you could get her name.

We know nothing. Is it Penny Wise? I don't know. But you know what? It's just funny. She works at a haunted house when it's not Halloween. I mean, look at her. She's the right weight. Yes, the right weight.

Cool tats. Cool jeans. Oh, man. You know what I love too is... A corn maze employee. You got a cigarette in the right. Is she smoking? I think so. That's the least of her concern. Oh, you can't smoke in here.

You know what I love is the caption. The person that clowned her. She started shooting and then it's the crying smile faces. I love when people clown. Fuck that behavior. It makes me so happy. I didn't caption that. She started shooting.

I'm just trying to figure out what's on the menu. I see like onion rings. I get a burger there. That's a good burger joint. Yeah, that's a good place. Reminds me of Tommy's burgers or something like that. That full chest tattoo and that tank tan. Man, she's so cool.

I would so date her. She's so cool. I love her. To wear a bandeau top or whatever the shit's called bandeau, bandeau top. You got to have hungry tits. You cannot wear that top with titties. Did you get a peek at it before?

Yeah, because if you got big tits, you got to keep pulling it up, right? You won't do it. It's not going to work. You got to have some hungry tits. It looks like Zolo says it either says delusions or delicious. We can't tell for sure. That's the name of the place.

It's called delusions. The restaurant is delusions. Oh, shit. It's where you go to have them. Come on in for our delusional special. Justin Martindale. Listen to Glitter and Garbage. You can rate, review and subscribe.

Anywhere you're going to be coming up. Anytime coming up soon. Where do people find you? You can find me on Instagram at Justin Martindale and you can find me on Twitter at Just Martindale. Perfect. And when the comedy store returns. Oh, yeah. When the comedy store returns.

We'll definitely see Justin there. Thank you for coming today. If I don't see y'all, good luck. We'll be back a lot. We're going to go out on Mary Had a Little M by Dipstick. Thank you and we'll see you next time. Hey, my own bills.

Yup, I'm that bitch. So what do I need you for? Not a damn thing. Now go somewhere with all that. And that's on who? That's on Mary Had a Little M. Mary Had a Little M. Big, Mary Had a Little M.

Mary Had a Little M. Yup, Mary Had a Little M. Big, Mary Had a Little M. Mary Had a Little M. Yup. Thank you.