Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 603 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: May 12, 2021

Do you want experience all the excitement of the Cinco De Mayo Live show?! Well you can! This Friday, May 14th, the entire show will be available to you on demand at https://ymhstudios.com/rentals SPONSORS: - Go to https://saatva.com/theshit to save $200 on your order. - Go to https://stamps.com, click on the Microphone at the TOP of the homepage and type in MOM for a 4-week trial PLUS free postage and a digital scale. - Get 25% off and zero delivery fees on your first order of $15 or more when you download the DoorDash app and enter code YMH. - Go to https://brooklinen.com and use promo code HOUSE to get $20 off with a minimum purchase of $100. - Go to https://whoop.com and use code YOURMOM at checkout to save yourself 15% off today. - Get 15% off your first order and free shipping when you go to https://meundies.com/MOM. - Head to https://headspace.com/MOM for a FREE one month trial with access to Headspace’s full library of meditations for every situation. GOOD MORNING JEANS ABOVE 18!! This week, Tom Segura and Christina P discuss why they think 4/20 is stupid, Demi Lovato's frozen yogurt controversy, the birthday gift Bert Kreischer got for Tom, Top Dog's love for Diet Coke, Tom and CP's new favorite show "Couples Therapy," and slides that hoes wear. They watch an update from our favorite drunk Irish guy, a dude who gets fired up about his Taco Bell quesadilla, an update from the "Dad Bod Cool Guy," a couple "Horrible or Hilarious" videos, a news story on some cool graffiti that's been popping up in Canada, and this week's TikTok curations. Plus, Enny got surprised by CP's stand-in doll from a few weeks ago. The Main Mommies take a look at the security camera footage of the encounter.

So what you're saying is you don't, uh, relax enough. Bless you. Bless you. Jesus Christ. Thank you. First of all, I'd like to acknowledge that I knew you were sneezing. I didn't ruin it for you. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh my God!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Ay-I-I-I yaa-ye-yaah! Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's not bad. Not bad at all. Not bad at all. Not bad at all. Yeah? What a tune! Yeah. It's a classic. Now if they play that in the club I mean I would just be so happy. Yeah, that's a really good one. Classical mama? Yeah. Oh, this is jam. I love that. Jam City, man. When the farts come in. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. Oh man, that makes me so happy. It's a really, I mean that's from one of the original master farters.

Which one? King Astro? No! That's a lady, that's a lady. That's the lady who farts like that. That's her fart and then she goes oh my God. She looks over her shoulder. Like did I do that? No, for some reason I had her confused with jewels in my head. Oh yeah, no. And her saying was you have two and you have three and you, I'm proud of myself. And that one was oh my fucking cunt. Is that jewels? No, it's a whole different lady. You're all over the place. Goodness, it all blends together. I don't remember that lady's name but she was really sweet. I don't know my fucking cunt. She had her, what's it called? She put her jeans in my cunt. She put her hands and her head through one of those, I don't know the name of the apparatus. You know what I'm talking about? Like it's like an old wooden thing. The medieval time. Yeah, like your head and your hands are through it and then a guy was behind her penetrating her. Oh, that's fun. And then she would say things like oh my f and c. Yeah. Oh, that's right. I didn't know this was a lane. Yeah, that thing. This is a whole lane in pornography. I don't know that's a lane. I just think it was a one off for that scene but it was pretty cool. It was pretty cool.

Turns out it's pretty cool thing to do. Here's a real exciting thing. We went to Flowrida and did a live show in front of an audience and now you can enjoy all the festivities, all the hilarity, all the wildness with us. Go to ymhstudios.com rentals this Friday, May 14th. That's when it drops. We're extremely excited to present it to you. We're extremely thankful for the people that came out. A lot of work went into it and it's just, it's a fun party, man. It's like a live show but it's with the audience there and we didn't want to stream it live just because you can run into the chaos of doing it at a live in front of an audience and having tech things so we figured to shoot it, turn it around, put it up. So please join us there. Duncan Trussell joined us. It's a good time. Oh my goodness. The energy is electric. Palpable. Ymhstudios.com slash rentals. Again, ymhstudios.com slash rentals. It's neat to finally be able to do that with a room full of mommies. A real room full of jeans.

Really electric and have everybody reacting at the same time. That's what it's all about because like my favorite thing about the live shows is seeing the people like sending in those videos of them watching it. So it's like, well, why don't we just shoot one? Shoot one with a live audience and the enthusiasm was palpable. It was exciting. We put those tickets on sale for the live audience. Gone within what, an hour or something? Just gone. Do you want to do my dates since I feel like you don't like the way I do them? Can I tell you something?

You do them really poorly. Yeah. I know you don't. Well, teach me. Show me. Okay. Show me. Let me show you. All right. These are my dates. Okay. Can you make it slightly larger? Yeah. See, because he also goes real slow.

Hold on. Just let him. Let me start. All right. This is for Christina. You want to see Christina live? Guess what? June 3rd through 6th. She's in Omaha at the Funny Bone. Then she heads over to Salt Lake City at Wise Guys. June 11 and 12. Then you're in San Antonio at LOL. June 15, 16, and 17.

Wow. You move on to Liberty Township in Ohio, of course, at the Funny Bone in July the 22nd, 23rd, and 24th. And the show rolls on. She'll be at Brick Town in Oklahoma City in September. All the tickets are Christina P. Online. Get tickets now before they're gone. That was really good. Little energy.

Yeah. This is you. Ready? Go ahead. I'm going to go Liberty Township. No, it's because I'm trying to read, and he's doing it slow, and I can't read. I'm trying to read, and I can't see the cameras blocking. A very hard time. Okay.

No one would help. Maybe I should write them down on a paper. Yeah. And that's better. Yeah. You know, I'm just trying to be constructive. I feel like you're just looking to drag me down. It looks like you're looking for conflict today.

If I may point that out. Yeah. We'll get into that after you do your dates. Okay. I will be on the road, and I'm very excited to be doing shows in Español. If you want to see them June 25th and 26th in Ontario, the next day, the 27th in Brea, then I go back to my first language, English. In August, I head over to the Borgata, and I hopefully soon will be announcing a big

tour with a bunch of dates. Can't wait. TomSquare.com for those tickets. Let's open the show. You ready? I'm ready. Let's do it. That's good stuff.

This keep me in there all the time. That's good stuff. I'm doing 100. Get in the big car! Who was Randy? Don't bring your mother into this. Don't burn in the fucking stand! Welcome to your mom's house.

With Tom Segura. And Christina Pajitzin. Welcome to your mom's house. Good job. Whoa! I didn't know you could play. I'm like Steve Ayala. Steve Ayala.

Yeah. What's your dad doing at the pub? Man, this fucking guy. He's legendary. He is legendary. I'm coming out of his nose. Something hanging out of his nose. He seems like it.

Those last few seconds I was like, huh. He's in great shape. He's doing well. Do you think he can achieve an erection? No. I'm trying to picture you with him in bed. Whoa! And you go, do you like these tits?

And he goes, I'm doing 100. I don't even think he's thinking of tits. No, he's way past that. He's so pickled. His whole life is that glass. Isn't this real sad? Yeah. Fucking eh.

That's good stuff. Look at the nose. See? That's good stuff. Oh yeah, there's a boogie in here. That's good that you noticed that. Thanks for pointing that out. That was pretty cool.

I almost missed it. He's got his shit together. But I missed it because I was focused on the chipmunk teeth. That was terrifying. Yeah. It's cool to see him out. Last time we saw him in a bar, now the bar comes outside, you know? Yeah, it is nice, especially because he's hanging out in like a forklift shipyard,

which is the best place to drink. Everybody knows. Yeah, yeah. You want to get sauced? Go to a forklift. You remember that your pops was like, he said he had an employee. He was like, he drank too much. We were like, wait for it.

Well, how much? Yeah. He was like, oh, he would drink like a gallon a day. Yeah, like a big two liters of vodka. And so my dad ran a forklift business. Oh, fuck. In the San Fernando Valley for like, you know, 20-some years. He's retired now.

And he would only hire Romanians and Hungarians. He loved Eastern Europeans. Now, they also come with a lot of alcohol issues. Yeah. And so it's very common in that, I guess, and I don't know if it's common, or maybe he just attracted those kind of dudes. Yeah, probably dudes who are like, I drink a lot too. Yeah.

So yeah, so this guy, he's like, this guy's got a problem. And he's like, but I want to save him. I want to work with him. So I'm like, really? But my dad paid for his rehab. Yeah, I remember. And then the guy ended up working for him again. So he like helped save his life.

But yeah. That guy's a mess, though. That guy, that's a mess. Yeah. Legit. Like your dad would be like to this guy, he'd be like, you know, it's too much. No one can understand you. It's a problem.

Well, because, because I would try to tell my parents when I was a kid, like, hey, dad, I think you drink too much. And he'd be like, come on, I'm not, no, no, this guy is a drunk. And this is what he would point to. Yeah. This guy doesn't have a job. This guy's sleeping in the street. This guy's a fucking asshole.

He's a loser. That's the only type of alcoholic. Drunk. Yeah. It's like, fall down, shit hanging out of your nose, two teeth drunk. Yeah. So I bring it up. I'd be like, I think, I think something's going on in my house.

He'd be like, no. Come on, what are you fucking, idiot? Like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's fucking amazing. It's pretty cool, man.

It's a pretty cool thing to do. His fingers are bloated. Like, how do you get, how do your hands get fat from alcohol? Is that common? Is that gout? Is that just in your food? Yeah, I'm sure. Can you imagine what his insides are like?

Like, if they just did like a fucking MRI, they'd be like, Jesus, man. Everything's gone. I know. What? What if he's like our age? 40 something. Oh my God. This looks terrible.

No, this dude's been going hard at the bottle for, I would think maybe 40, 50 years. At least. Yeah. They should study his body and then make vaccines from him because he's alive. So he has great organs. I don't know. To survive like this, it's all pickle. It's quite a legacy.

Yeah. Well, same with my dad. I mean, you go, here's a man who lived on hard alcohol, horseradish, sausage, and never drank water, only drank fresca. Yeah. And he's still alive. Dude, my dad would go when, so when I was in high school and like when I was a kid, he came from home from work.

You know, it used to be like Olympic lifting and then it kind of transitioned as he got older into jog, going for a run, right? I can't even see your dad running. Oh yeah. So he would get home and he'd throw on his little short shorts and a t-shirt and go for a run. Like, you know, I don't know, 20, 30 minute run, something like that. He'd be gone for a little while.

You come home and drink a Diet Coke. I'd be like, the fuck? He's like, I'm thirsty. You're hydrating with Diet Coke? He's like, it's mostly water. Yeah. Like that's some. That is some dad shit.

I'm like, oh, it doesn't even taste good. And then we're talking about Florida heat, like 100% humidity when you're seriously dehydrated. He's like Diet Coke. I know. I know. He's like, I hate water. And then my mom, she was like, ah, water. She was watering my mouth.

Yes. It makes me nauseous. What? I don't think I've ever seen my dad drink a glass of water. You should see their face when I drink, because I'll drink like a gallon and they're like, what are you doing? It's water. It's the foundation of life.

I know the earth is made of water. We're mostly water. And they're like, yeah, but it doesn't taste good. It's not supposed. It's not a fucking birthday cake. It doesn't taste. It's water. Or when you look at Diet Coke, especially the kind they were drinking, it's got like

that fennel, fennel, amylin. Have you ever had Diet Coke when you're thirsty? Because it doesn't satiate you. It's so bad. If you're thirsty and you have it, you're like, oh. And fresca too. Like, what is it in fresca? It's all chemical.

It's so bad. I'd rather drink vegetable oil than drink a Diet Coke. I think it's healthier than a Diet Coke. When I'm thirsty, it's fucking so disgusting. Yeah. I think we've talked about this before, that he would go play tennis and drink with his friends. Out of his mind.

And win the tournament. Yeah. He was a fantastic player. But I mean, those two things are not compatible in my mind, like exercise and drinking. It's terrible. Terrible. Yeah. I just fucking pass out.

I just want to sit down. Like, I wouldn't want to play. Yeah. Like, day drinking makes me, if I have a glass of anything in the middle of the day, I'll be like, all right, I'm going to go take a nap. Can't do it. I know. Can't imagine getting into a fucking activity at that time.

I drink. Sometimes I have brunch with a friend and they'll have a glass of wine. Yeah. My day is ruined. Yeah. Fucking ruined. But that's why I do it on a Sunday, because I can come home and take a nap. And then I wake up feeling like shit, my day is ruined.

Horrible. So anyways, you are so funny to me. You are, you're in some kind of social media thing again. What are you doing? Like, and I, it's funny because I know when you're doing this, because he gets real, you get really withdrawn. You start to, secrets. And then I see you doing a lot of this shit.

Like, looking at your phone. You seem excited though. No, no. And then this smile, you get your, your Jack Nicholson. And go, the eyebrows raised. I can't raise my eyebrows. I just had Botox. And you're a, yeah, that, that, there it is.

And that's how I know you've just pissed somebody off on the internet and you're very pleased with yourself. You're very pleased. So what's, what's going on? No, nothing. I just, sometimes I just love to, you know, there's like stupid things that people do that I feel like deserve mockery. The people that go all out on Valentine's Day or something.

And they're like, this is the, this is the day I've designated. Like they told me to express my love. Like what? You can do that any day, man. You don't have to have a special day for it. Nothing makes me roll my eyes harder and laugh more than 420 though. 420 to me has always been that, the day. And especially when people, because I remember this even in like high school and college,

people would look at the time, hey, it's 420. It's light up. Oh, okay. You have a special permission now. What happens if it's 421? Did we miss the fucking window to, to spark this thing up? Yeah, it's like a drinking game too. Like it's like every time.

I thought it was, I thought it was dumb at 16. I was like, what are you talking about? I felt it was dumb too. Like one time I played the Roxanne drinking game. Oh, it's 420. Hold on. You fucking loser. So like, I just like to point out to people that you're a fucking loser.

Well, I'll tell you, it is a loser-ish holiday. It's a loser behavior. Of course it is. It's not attractive to me personally. I'd be like, what are you doing with your life? What are you doing? Now, if you're, if you're in college, today's fine. It's fine.

Hey, it's a 420 day. I mean, it's fine. It's 1025. Guess what? You can smoke weed right now. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Yeah.

It doesn't have to be a special time. Yeah. It's just silly. I think it's fucking, and I, it's, it's sillier when it's an adult. I know a fucking 50 year old. It's like it's 420 and I'm like, holy shit, man. Fucking delete my number. You're a grown man.

I know. It's special time to smoke. What? Well, that's, that's one of the privileges of being an adult. Yeah. You can do that. You can eat anything you want. Yeah.

Get high anytime you want. You can sit down for dinner and eat a donut if you want to. And smoke a joint. All the time. And it could be 715 and no one can tell you you can't do it. Well, even this morning I said to you, you know, was it last night? I was taking a shower. Yeah.

And I had a glass of wine. I said, guess what? I'm going to fucking drink this in the shower. In the shower. Yeah. Because I can do what I want. I'm an adult. That was pretty cool.

Yeah. I don't need a special holiday to tell me I can do stuff. Yeah. And there you were. You were in the shower and you were like, I'm drinking in the shower. Yeah. I always felt the need to mock people celebrating because they're told to celebrate. Well, can I tell you what I like about you and what I like about your behavior?

Yeah. Is that we should be shaming mocking stupid things. Yeah. But in this era now, you get called, I mean, you're a bully and we should be accepting of everything everybody does all the time. No. And that's inherently stupid. It is silly.

Because there are things that are just bad for society and just bad. Okay. Like Demi Lovato, I don't know if you saw this a few weeks ago. No. There's some yogurt shop she frequents. She tweeted, we should cancel this yogurt shop because I'm here for some healthy fro yo and they have unhealthy sugary things as well. Really?

Yes. I swear to God. And so I was like, she did it in her Instagram stories. It came and it went and the LA Times published this article that came out a while back saying that people are pushing against Demi Lovato. It's stupid. This says misconstrued criticism. I'm not sure.

No, she was like, you guys should do better. You shouldn't have unhealthy items in the healthy frozen yogurt store. Demi Lovato has cooled off after her fro yo controversy. The singer apologized to fans on Instagram after she criticized one Los Angeles frozen yogurt shop, the big chill for allegedly perpetuating diet culture with its messaging. During the saga, she took aim at the shop for advertising guilt free cookies and cakes with her writing, this screams diet culture and I won't be gaslit. Oh my God.

Happy 420. Fuck face. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Get your fucking shit together, man. Thank you. Yeah. I mean, that deserves absolute mockery.

Thank you. But I'm saying that it's time for us to push back on this horseshit. When people are acting crazy, like she's obviously projecting her own issues on this poor business. That's just what I'm saying. But she also has the power to destroy that. That's what I'm saying. And it's time for people. I'm glad you exist.

I'm actually really proud that you're like, hey guys, this is dumb. We should be pushing back on this because this is now it's jumped the shark, okay? The social justice warriors have officially jumped the shark when we're fucking getting into the fro-yo place not being dietary enough. Yeah. It's so silly. I mean, this, you know, I bring up Valentine's because that's also to me like, it's such a like.

It's so problematic. Is that the one day of the year that you buy flowers or something? It's Valentine's Day and you're like, you know, you can buy flowers all year. I think we should. You can get a gift. All fucking year. At any time. Yeah.

You can take your wife out for a nice meal. All times. Nope. February 14th. That's the fucking day. You can fuck all year. Yeah. You can also like, you don't need Mother's Day to call your mother and tell her you

love her and send her a fucking gift. Here's what I don't give a fuck for. Mother's Day or my birthday. Guess what? I'm working both of those this year. I, I could give a fuck because you know what happens on Mother's Day? Yeah. I'm still a fucking mom.

Dude, on my birthday, I worked and I fucked Jeff Tate and that was it. There you go. Yeah. How was he? He was great. He's a good lay. Yeah. He's got that full beard, that sweet mouth.

Got that beautiful mouth. Yeah. But I'm telling you is that Mother's, Mother's Day means nothing to me because I wake up and I still have to do the same shit I do every fucking day because I have two little kids who like me so much more than they like you and that's not their fault. It's totally true. It's totally true. They will not give me the day off.

There's no such thing as a mother. I do this thing every morning. Stop with this shit. Every morning to our two-year-old, I go, hey, buddy, and he's like, hi, and I go, what did you dream about? He'll always tell me like I dreamed about, like he'll say like you and then a lot of times he goes, not you. He lets me know that he didn't dream about me.

He's not interested. Yeah. I'm like, oh, that's nice. Whit mom. He's like, with mommy. Yeah. Yeah. He'll say with cars.

He'll be like, I dream with my clarin and I'm like, oh, that's nice. They love you. They do. They do. They do, but you're just not as important as mom. I get it. Sorry. I totally get it.

They like me a lot and they won't leave me alone. So there is no such thing as Mother's Day. There is no day off for mother. And as well as my birthday, like, do you have people that come to your shows and I am so happy that they're there, don't get me wrong, but that they have to like, I'll be on stage telling a joke. And then I had this woman in some town go, it's his birthday. And I was like, what is he fucking 10?

Are we at Chuck E. Cheese? Yeah. I don't care. I'm a 40-year-old man. Yeah. Did you get him a transformer? Yeah. What do you care?

You're a grownup. I know. Shut the fuck up and go to work. The fact that you're announcing to a room full of adults, like, I didn't even say it. Like I was on stage on my birthday and people said it. They're like, it's your birthday. And I was like, yeah. And then they all clap.

And I was like, anyway. So, and then back to the, you know... Who cares? Yeah. What are you talking about, man? I know. We didn't take the day off and... Birthdays.

It's like, wait, they're 16, 18, 21. Yeah. Go 15 if you're Latin, Quinceañera. Sure. Sure. 13. Once you're 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, that's it. Yeah.

The big decades, right? That's it. Yeah. And then you hit 100 and you're like, somebody put a bullet in my head. Please. Please. Fucking kill me. Right through the temple.

Mm-hmm. No, you don't get to celebrate in your, once you're an adult, it doesn't work. Jesus Christ. You're a fucking idiot, man. Yeah. Stop with the fake celebrate. No. Fuck you.

Hold on. It just goes how stupid they are. Hold on. Two more minutes and I'll light it up. Just fucking light it up, man. Yeah. What are you doing? I'd like to show the audience a video that I took.

This is the video I was telling you about Nadav. If you could go ahead and play this. I got it. Oh, this is for you, Tom. Oh, it is? Sure. Okay. I just want to bring this to your attention.

Okay. This is my makeup counter. Right? Jeans gets ready here. Mm-hmm. And then what the fuck? What is this? This is not my hair.

And why is it covering the entire... The entire... All of it. How did you get it? This is insane. How did you get it? I didn't know that... What are you trimming on my makeup area?

No, I'll tell you what I did. That's this morning. Oh, shit. That's great. And I'm putting my makeup on and then I'm finding shrapnel. It's in my hands and I'm like, now there's shrapnel on my face. You want to know what happened? God, please.

Is it pubes? No, it's not. Because I rubbed it on my face. Why did you rub it on your face? Because it ended up in my makeup. It's all over. Here's my... Here's what happened.

So last night, late, I decided to shave my head and trim my hair. And I did it at my sink, right? And it was late. I had already showered. I didn't want to get in the shower again. Yeah, okay. Sure. So I went over to your area.

Thank you. And used the hairdryer to blow hair off on my hair. So that I wouldn't have it in bed, you know? Yeah. So that's all the trimming is below. I didn't know that happened. That's really sweet. Hey, 420.

Wait, so, hold on. I'm sleeping. Right. You thought it would be a better option to turn on the hairdryer, which is loud as fuck, in our bathroom. Did it wake you up? Next... Did it wake you up?

You're thinking, no. Did you wake up? No. And get my makeup counter all fucked up. I didn't think about that. I didn't think about that. I just thought about not bringing those hairs into bed. I didn't realize that they would coat your counter.

I'm sorry. That's okay. It's fine. I just can't believe how much. I mean, it's strewn everywhere. I know. I didn't, you know, I didn't see that, obviously. Well, thank God it's not your pubes, because I literally...

That'd be a weird thing to do. Like, I'm going to get her fucking back. Yeah, I don't think you would. Or just do it, because like I said, I had my makeup. I was rubbing on my foundation today, and those little hairs ended up on my face. And I'm like, oh God, I hope these aren't pubes on my face. Yeah. Not that I care, actually.

What do you think is... What do you think is grosser? Boogers flicked in your car, or hair trimmings on your counter? Oh, fuck. Hair trimmings on my makeup counter. Because all this shit that you see, all these products go on my face. You didn't say anything to me today. That's why I secretly...

You were downstairs making fitness, burguelicious. Yeah. And I made this video secret-like, and I just sent it to Zolo. I go, we're going to get him, Zolo. We're going to fucking get him. You got me. Just kidding, I didn't say anything. You got me.

I just wanted to surprise you, because it was funny. Yeah, that's funny. I did not know. Can I tell you what happened? So, there's a box there. I'm so excited to finally wear earrings again. Yeah. I pierced my ears.

I ordered a set from Nordstrom. They sent me one earring. What? One earring, and I called them, and I go, hey, dude, I think you guys forgot an earring. He goes, no, no, that's how we sell them. One? I'm like, that is the most absurd thing I've ever heard. I've never heard of that.

I thought it was always a pair of earrings. Of course. I mean, unless you go, no, no, no, I only want one. No. It was absurd. I thought, who the fuck is selling? It was just so bizarre. So, on principle, I'm going to return that fucking thing.

I'm so mad that some company has the audacity to fucking sell me one earring. Look at that. And he says it's common with who? Guys? Well, no. Men? I mean, no, I definitely don't buy earrings, but I'm just saying, that's a normal. They do the asymmetric look, you know what I mean?

So, it's like, because there's some earrings that wouldn't look good if you did both. It's just better if it kind of separates the face. It's like, it's a stylistic choice, but I mean, did it look good? Did it pop? No, it was too small. I made my ear lobe look like fat. It's hard to explain. It was a hook.

It wasn't good. But I felt very gypped. I felt very betrayed. That's another PC term, just so you know. Oh, gypsied? Should I say the full word? Incredibly disrespectful. Let me, I'd like to apologize to the gypsy community who's listening to this podcast.

Yeah. No. There's a horrible history behind that expression. What the fuck fancy water cup is this? Claudia gave it to me. Oh, that's so sweet. Is there coming? Is there coming here?

Yeah, what? You're just drinking gum right now? Somebody's doing that right now. They're like, this gives me all the vitamins I need. Lovely gift. Thank you. Do you think, hold on, do you think you're famous enough that you could sell your cum? I mean to someone.

I'm sure someone would be like, I'm in. And I don't think it would be a cool chick. It's definitely a guy. It's definitely a guy. I was like, I'm here for it. Yeah. Guys, if you're interested in purchasing my cum. No, I'm not going to send you my cum.

But what if we made it proprietary and you put it in there? It is proprietary. Protein shake. Oh. What? No. No, like that rapper, he put a drop of blood. Who's the guy that put a drop of blood?

Oh, Lil Nas X in the shoe. Yeah. What if you just have a drop of Tom's Cigarette's cum? In what? In a protein shake. No, that's going to fucking make people sick. But you're always talking about how much you load. How big your load is.

I mean, you can verify that. Stop. Don't even. What happened? Stop it. You know, that's why I'm a little confused as to why you wanted to like rile people up today. Like we had a pretty spectacular night last night, you and me.

Okay. And then it just seems like an odd choice. Like we had this fun night, positive energy, kids are happy, everyone's happy. And then you're like, I'm going to fuck someone's day up. That's how I feel alive. Yeah. It's interesting. But there's certain things I have to do to feel alive.

Okay, go ahead. I mean, I have to eat food to feel alive. I have to express love to feel alive. I have to have sex to feel alive. And then I have to fuck somebody up to feel alive. You know? And I have to do some form of exercise to feel alive. Yeah.

I think that's a very mat male thing, the need to fuck someone up, as you say. Because I see it in our boys. I see the, I need to provoke at some, I need to just be like, hey. Man, I, hey, they say gender doesn't exist bullshit until you have kids. You see that from day one of the difference. Well, as a Latinx, I can tell you, you know that one of the most fun things about touring in Spanish is making a mockery of Latinx or Latinx to Latinos, because that's what we are.

And having them all celebrate with laughter at how stupid that, that term is. Like I get to do it in Spanish. It's amazing. Two Latino people. And they're like, that's a fucking stupid shit. Like we're doing it in our language. And they were, they totally get it. It's great.

It's so fun. Good for you. I bet that feels real nice. Oh, if I fucking open with it. Yeah. So I take it back because I, I also love pushing back on. Yeah. All comedians.

My tour is called the pushback tour tickets at christinapeonline.com right now. And I think there's, there's a few meanings to that. Yeah. The, the nonsense that's going on right now in society. Yeah. It's fun to shit on it a little bit. Of course it is. It's good fun.

Yeah. Excuse me. I feel really, really guilty about that. It's fucking amazing. So I should say, because we talked about birthdays that, you know, back on Bert's birthday, I got him a really nice e-bike. Yeah. That was a fortune.

And he flipped for it. Like he loved it. And, and then he brought out how we're just going to do it for each other, but always one up at least. Oh my God. You guys are going to go. With the price. So my birthday, he got me a fucking seadoo, which is like, you know, like a jet ski.

I saw the memes. They're great. And I mean, it's just so cool. I'm so thankful. Like I, you know, I never would have expected that that's what he got. It's so crazy. Can I ask you a stupid question? Yeah.

Why is it called a seadoo deal? You know, somebody said, and I don't know if this is true or not. Somebody said that it was supposed to be called a seadog. I like that better. And that they misspelled, somebody misspelled it or misheard it and then it stuck. No. Yeah. Branding wise, I don't know if that's a true story or not.

I mean, we always called them like kind of blanket labeled them jet skis, but, but seadoo is specific to this brand and type. Right. I actually had a kid in my school. Is that correct? Oh, you're right. Seadog. Pretty close.

Oh, a ski dog. Dang, homie. It used to be meant to be called ski. Okay. Well, there you go. Yeah, you did. All right. It's always stories like that that are true.

The weird thing. That was ski do. Ski do. That's a snowmobile. Oh, okay. Ski do. Ski do. Yeah, those things rip.

So I had a world champion racer in high school, seadoo racer. You had one? In my class. Wow. So he would race these like he was one of the best in the world at this. Did he modify it to go 100 miles per hour? I mean, he was like a maverick on this thing. Like you think you know what you're doing on that, and then you see someone like that

do it, and you're like, oh, shit. It's like with a car. Crazy. Like you think you can drive, and then you go to a track with like a pro racer, and you're like, oh. Now, are there seadoo competitions? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Are you kidding me?

Yeah. Is this like Ultimate Frisbee where people frisbee? It seems stupid to me that people... It's a race. They're just racing. Oh, okay. Like a car race. Sorry, I've never heard of this.

Look, I'm not... Nobody does this. I don't know. Yeah, these guys are like... In the valley growing up, nobody fucking seadoo. Look at these maniacs. They're probably going fucking 80 miles an hour. That is wild, dude.

Yeah. Wow. That's a world record. Didn't even know this existed. Oh, yeah. My entire life. Got the helmet on. I got a helmet.

That looks like so much fun. I got to get a helmet. You know I'm gonna fuck myself up if I don't get a helmet. Yeah, please. Sorry, so you had the world-class guy? Yeah, yeah, no. It was just something I didn't know about until I was like, what do you mean? They're like, no, this guy's like legit champion at this.

I went out on one of these in the Canary Islands. I'd only done them on lakes and stuff. In the Canary Islands, they did it on the ocean. And there's waves. Yeah. And you're like, oh, I'll take this. And you go up off a wave and just fly. And then I just went flying off of it.

And I was like, oh my god. And then because there's waves, you're trying to make sure people see you. You're like, don't fucking kill me when you get me. Yeah. They'll run right over you. Oh yeah, some people get killed on these. I did this in Mexico in Veracruz years ago. And it was terrifying because I'm like, dude, I'm in Mexico.

If I get fucked up here, I'm just gonna die in Veracruz. Yeah. You don't want to go to a fucking hospital there. Yeah, no. What? What? You want to go to a hospital in Veracruz, Mexico? We're gonna hear from some Veracruz residents.

You know that, right? Like our hospitals are fine, Christina. Come down here and get sick and why don't you find out? I don't want to get sick. Actually, I drank a margarita there and I had diarrhea for fucking three weeks after that. I should have gone to the hospital. I know. Damn, that shit was bad.

So what are you going to do for him? Because now you guys... That's the thing. So he spent 14 on the seadoo. Oh my god. He had a lot of money. It's a lot of scratch. So I'm thinking I got to go like 30 plus for his gift.

What a minute. You had a... That's a lot, babe. Yeah, I know. So I was thinking of a couple things. $30,000 for a gift? I was thinking about it. So I was thinking about getting him like a...

A Honda? You know, like a buggy? Like a hunting buggy thing, but have it mounted with like an M50, like some type of automatic weapon, you know? Or... Where's he going to use that? I'll just... I'll keep in Texas.

An LA? I mean... Yeah, something like that. So stupid. See? So I can only... All right. There you go.

See? Okay. So open that one. Yeah, yeah. The one you're on. Get that for him, right? Oh boy. So this is a 15 grand and then I'll put like guns all around the outsides of it so that

he can just pick a point and go shoot shit, you know? Okay. Does he hunt? He's gonna. I think... I think Joe would like this. All right, then I'll do it for Joe and I'll do something else for Bert. I mean, I just don't see Bert hunting.

I think he's too sensitive and tender. And also, this is really, really expensive for a gift for a bro. Like... Yeah. The other thing I wanted to get him is a jet pack. Oh, that'd be pretty cool. That'd be pretty cool. That's better.

Yeah? I mean, it's super dangerous and he's really heavy. Do you think he can fly? Really? There's gotta be like... How much are these? Oh, there's one for $44 on Amazon. Perfect.

What's jet pack aviation? Is that the place to go? I'm talking about the ones that they do on the water. Whoa. Like that fucking thing. What is that? He can't do that. Yeah.

I'm sure there's a weight limit. Is that for... Can you buy these? Is that... What is jet pack? Oh my God. Hit that one. B11 there on the right.

You cannot, babe. The other one. Babe. Jesus, the other one. It's unclickable. Unclickable. Oh my... It's so expensive it says price upon private request.

Oh. That's what I'm talking about. What about a flamethrower? The Elon Musk flamethrower? Yeah. That's dangerous though. He's not... They're not, they're sold.

I mean, they don't make them anymore. I mean, sure, Tom, this is cool. When is this gonna end with you guys? I think never. Are we gonna cap it? Because eventually you guys are gonna be like six figure gifts. That's tight. That's what I'm talking about.

You're gonna be getting each other Lamborghinis. What? What'd we say about Lamborghinis? Fed Adi. Sorry. Only Ferraris. Ferraris. Bro's only.

Bro gifts only. You guys are... But you're right. I don't give good gifts. I don't... I don't know. You guys are fucking insane. What is Leanne gonna do?

Let's call her. I don't have my phone. Let me see if she'll answer. Is Leanne upset about the C-Doo? Because that's expensive. How much? He spent 13K? 14.

$14,000 on a fucking C-Doo? I didn't even know they were that expensive. Let's see if she answers. Fuck. She's gotta hate this. Hi, Tom. Hi, Leanne. I'm doing the podcast right now.

I just wanted to ask you how you felt about my C-Doo that Burt got me. That's pretty awesome. I'm so excited for it. I'm so excited. Was it... Are you really excited? Of course. Yeah.

That makes me really happy. Oh, cool. And I'm super excited. Honestly, I'm super excited for his birthday because I'm already shopping. Oh, my God. Leanne. Please give me a favor. Nothing that requires garage space or storage.

Please. Okay. Please, the bicycle. I've been working on that bicycle. Oh, my God. Well, can I tell you two things I was thinking of? Oh, fuck. Leanne, I'm sorry.

I'm trying to stop it. I was gonna get him a hunting buggy with guns modified on the sides so that he could drive. Where do we do that? What would we do with that? Thank you. Where do we live? Well, I mean, just like keep it outside the city, have some fun, you know? And then I also...

Keep it outside the city. Hey, we had to rename our dog because his name was Shooter when we got him. That's where we live. I don't know if I'm gun-toting ATV. Oh, my God, Tom. Well, the other thing I'm looking at is a jet pack that, like, he straps on and then you could... No.

No. No, please don't do that. Because you know why? He'll hurt himself and then I have to take care of him. Yeah, that's true. Okay. If he gets injured, then I have to take care of him. Let's think.

Hmm. What about him? You know what he would like? What? Here's something he would like. What? He would like...this sounds really stupid. But he would like a table that has, like, a cooktop in the middle.

So, like, eight people can sit around it and cook their own food. Kind of like Korean barbecue. Oh. Yeah, like a Benihana type of table? Yes. Like a Benihana is like a flat top or like a Korean barbecue is like a flame. I don't know. But, I mean, that's something you can't hurt himself with.

No. Can I put guns in drawers in the table? Maybe. God. Because I was also thinking, I have a connection to a special ops guy about getting, like, some type of rocket launcher. Oh, my God. What would we do with that?

Keep it in the man cave and if some shit goes down, you know you win. You know what I mean? He's also looking for a bunker. A bunker? Oh, cool. That would be cool. A bunker would be kind of dope. He wants to bury a bunker in our backyard.

Oh, yeah. That's actually good. Okay, here's what we do. You start with, like, the actual construction plans, but then I'll start putting, like, I'll get the gadgets for it. Oh, well, I didn't say I wanted a bunker. I said he wanted a bunker. Lynn, this is about Bert.

This is about Bert's happiness. You know how much I do for Bert's happiness? I haven't heard much. That's because he's not here. Okay. All right. Well, look, we love you. We'll call you soon.

Love you. And just don't be mad when that hunting buggy shows up. All right. Talk to you later. Tom, he's the most docile man on the planet. He doesn't hunt. Yeah, no, he's going to get into it. It's LA.

He can't hunt in LA. When he sees what a 50 caliber does to, like, not a person, obviously. Coyotes and shit. There you go. Yeah. And they're like, where'd that thing go? I think it's gone. Dude, what if he started rolling around the valley in that thing and, like, shooting coyotes

and shit? Pretty cool. Can't you get arrested for that? I don't think so. Yeah, you can't just shoot shit. Like, cougars and stuff, mountain lions in LA. I think you're fine. I think you're allowed to.

Yeah, it's totally fine. It's totally fine. I read an article. Said it's OK. All right, I got a pee. OK. Could pee break? So good.

And I stopped pushing. Yeah. So now I just relax and I let the pee come down because I was told it weakens your pelvic floor. So I've been practicing just relaxing and pee. You used to push? Uh-huh. Because I just wanted to get it over with fast.

And then Drew was like, that's really bad. That's crazy. You shouldn't push. But I also push out browns. I have no time for these body functions. It bothers me. That's why I didn't dry myself off for fucking a million years, too. I mean, some of the things are.

And he gets it. It's a time waste. I got shit to do, bro. You can just poop? Push it out. First of all, I want to thank Nadav. He brought it up on where my mom's at. He goes, well, you tell.

You tell. I mean, sometimes when I'm getting ready for the day, I'm like, I'd really like to blast one out before I go, but I don't really feel it. Sometimes I do things that my body takes signals for browning. So sometimes just sitting on the toilet will make my body need to go. Or turning on the bidet, give it a little splash. That usually kind of coaxes it out. So basically you can induce a brown just because you know you should make a brown.

And I did not believe him at first. I was like, this is so dumb. Yeah. And then I found myself doing it the other day unconsciously. And I was like, I just did what Nadav said because I felt farts coming. And I was like, I just want to shit right now. Like I don't want to fart all day. You know what I just saw?

What? I saw a video of a girl. They put Mentos into a girl's butt and then and then Coke, you know? So you dig that Mentos. The Freshman. Yeah. Yeah. And so you know, you see it usually like people put it in the bottle and it sprays everywhere.

And then her face when it was over was like, that wasn't cool. Where is this video? Why don't you share with us? Somebody sent it to me and I just watched it. Send it and let's watch it. Well, we'll see it for the live show. Save it for the live show. The next one rather.

But what I'm saying is Nadav is not right a lot. But I was like, that was valid. Like I can make myself brown and I can also induce it by putting on the bidet and then tickling my B-hole. You know, like it just gives it stimulates it and then you shit. Yeah. Can you do that? Have you done it?

I've done it. Yeah. Yeah. Seriously? You already know about the superpower? Stimulating the butthole. Yeah. But to shit when you know, like I don't have to brown, but I want to brown right now.

I mean, I've had that before where I'm like, and then I've run the bidet and it'll basically open you up. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes. Why haven't we discussed this? This is breaking news. So why am I exclusive?

I didn't think so. I thought it was exciting. The worst is when you go like, all right, I'm ready. And you sit down and you're like, damn, I had more there. That is so disappointing. I agree. It's like you're ready emotionally, physically, and then you're not ready. What happens there, Nadav?

Does that happen to you? Or you're like, I sit down and ready around and then it's just a fart. Yeah. I mean, it happens to the best of us. You know, there's, you know, sometimes you've got an empty chamber, but you know, if you do have a bidet, you just keep on going until something does come out because it's something that will come. Something will come.

Yeah. Something's going to happen. Yeah. The man to your right doesn't do that though. No. No. Oh, no. No, no, no.

When it's time for me to go, it's fucking time. There ain't no blanks. You know what I'm saying? When you do go though, is there a tug? Are you like, oh, today's the day, like right now is the moment? Well, there's like a billion tugs until that point. A billion. That day is when it's like, it's time.

This will happen now. Oh my gosh. You are resisting all the time. Well, it's automatic. Like I'm basically right now and the rest of the day, I'm flexing at all times. I'm pretty sure that's why my core has always been strong as shit. Like I have a six pack and I don't work out and my, and my, because of that, my asshole can just, it's just that shit is tight as shit.

You know what I'm saying? I can just. Yeah. At all times. So what you're saying is you don't relax enough. Bless you. Bless you. Jesus Christ.

Thank you. First of all, I'd like to acknowledge that I knew you were sneezing. I didn't ruin it for you. Thank you. Thank you. And you sneeze tagged me. Don't think I didn't fucking notice that. Yeah.

I would only do it to somebody I really care about. Oh, I know. I live in your beard pubes. I get sneeze tagged. Oh, that was a good sneeze too. So I did, did I do the, I did the right thing. Yeah. I feel like I just just.

You love sneezing more than any human being I know. Who enjoys sneezing like that? Do you enjoy sneezing that much? Okay. Whatever. Especially like a reckless open sneeze. You know when you're outside and you don't even think about covering up and you're like, you just like really violently sneeze.

God, it feels good. I feel as though I'm indifferent to sneezing. Wow. It feels so good. I like, I prefer a fart or a burp. I'm not. I don't. Sneezing is like, it makes my eyes run, my makeup runs.

When it comes with like substance too and you see it fly across the room. It's so exciting. Euphoric. Anyway. You can do whatever you want to me now. Feels so good. Where are you sneezing? Where is sneezing on your hierarchy of good feels?

That's where it spits. Give me your good, your good feels hierarchy. Like number one is, is it eating or jizzing or shitting? Or sneezing. Number one is jizzing. Go ahead. What's number two? I feel good.

Yeah. Shitting, farting, eating when you're really hungry, burping. Sneezing. Sneezing. It's number two. Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

Then like a really good fart would be three. Then having like a good scratch. Oh yeah. Like when something, like you have like your back itches and you get like someone scratches it or even if you find like a, you know something to rub up against like a bear. You do that every day. Yeah. I feel good.

I like that sensation. Back scratch in the morning is the shit. Wow. I'm totally opposite for you. I'm going to go number one. Well orgasm is always number one, right? Yeah. But then tight second is browning.

I fucking love shitting. And then I love eating. Number three is like eating. And then I make the brown because I've eaten. I like the whole circle of life there. That's kind of cool. Well, as like a super thin guy, I just, I've never really been into eating. But nothing feels better when you're so hungry and then you eat a lot.

That's true. That is true. Like I love overeating when I'm super hungry. There's nothing better than over eating. I'm still enjoying my sneeze right now. Just so you know. Really. Wait, my favorite is overeating in the day and then napping.

That's how I feel on my sneeze. Napping. Oh my God. A nap that you need. On a full stomach. Or going to sleep in a cold fucking room with a good blanket. That's my favorite. Like the room is like 55.

Oh my God. You have a big blanket. See you later. See you in a couple of days. Yeah. It's good. Yeah. Love it.

Yeah. I like to lay in the sunshine and sun my feathers. Oh, and then go into church. Yeah. That's my number two. Yeah. You know what I would eat all. Like hearing a good sermon.

You know what I mean? Like receiving prayer and blessings when you need it. It feels so good. What would you eat every day if you could, if you'd not have to think about. Every day? Like what could you eat every day? I mean, I'm pretty, I'm into the real taste goods. Sugar and fat, you know.

Oh yeah. I would have a bacon, egg and cheese croissant. For brekkie. Oh yeah. Like a real, like so, you know what I mean? So fat. That's like 3000 calories right there. Oh, it's so fat.

At your whole day. And then sugar wise. Yeah. Like, you know, like donut, like a good donut, sugar donut. Yeah. That's like sugar. Yeah. I'm more cheese oriented.

And like, okay, like I do the croissant thing, like you said. Yeah. Oh, but then a side of like pancakes, like sweet side. Oh my God. Waffles. Waffles are the best. French toast. And then McDonald's and then I would go and get a chili dog at Cupid's.

Yeah. I fucking love chili. I will stay away from that for like so long and then reward myself with like waffles or something that like as the meal, as I finished taking a bite, my stomach's like, you have massive diarrhea. Like it's immediate. This sugar gives you diarrhea. It's so funny.

I never, that's interesting. Are you done? It took me away. What is a burping now? It's because the sneeze was so powerful, it like created gas in me. It's interesting. Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. Okay. He's the worst. It's my favorite of all time. Who's grosser though coming? Robert Paul Champagne or Ed Asner? No. You can go side by side.

Get all. It's up to you. I actually like it when RPC has an orgasm because I feel like he needs it so bad, badly, bad or badly? I don't know. Needs it so badly? Yeah. Where's Chris Larson?

I don't know. But like Ed Asner is forever the most disgusting because he's so unaware of how to be cool. And he's like, you know, when my kids were little, I used to, and he's telling stories as he's like cyber jerking with someone. Yeah. I have always found that to be so repulsive. At least RPC stays on theme. Yeah.

On character. Mm-hmm. Like I'm just this gross guy who's fucking horny. That's it. That's the right mode to be in. And the other guy? That guy? I don't like that he switches back and forth.

We're like, well, back when I was in the military, we used to butt fuck each other behind the barracks. And you're like, shut up. I don't want to hear anything about your life. Oh. Back when my grandchildren were little. And they're like, ugh. I love that guy.

That guy's absolutely, that's my favorite guy. Let me see all that gum. I hate it. I don't like how he talks. I don't like how genuine he is. I'm a big load. I'm going to swallow. I could listen to him every day.

Oh. Oh, I can feel it. Oh, that's going to be good. I don't like it at all. I don't like him at all. Oh. But is there nothing creepy about that, how literal and how just uncool he is? I think it, to me, it just makes me laugh.

Like, it really immediately makes me laugh. Is he like on the spectrum or something? Like, why don't you know? No, he's just not savvy. He's not savvy. He's not sexually sophisticated. He doesn't, you know, he hasn't hooked up with someone in like 30 years. So that's why he's like, let me see all that gum.

Okay. You come. I mean, that's not somebody who, you know, does that often. Okay. You, you come. Like, come on. Yeah. Yeah.

So for people that don't know, I'm going to switch this up here. We, we had a sit-in for you a couple of weeks ago, a beautiful lady and she has remained in our lobby and it's, it's one of those things, you know, that even when she was in your seat, every time I would walk in and be like, Jesus, because it looks like a person for a second. Yeah. It just kind of strikes you. And he came in the other day to do some work at night and it's, here, watch, he's walking

in. Holy. Cool. Okay. Someone was out to die. Someone was out to die. She is creepy as shit. He got startled.

Well, she, I didn't like the, at one point she wasn't wearing enough clothing. So I had to put on the shirt I was wearing the other day and give her like sweats. Zola and I had dressed her because it was so demeaning. You know what that hoe should be wearing? Slides. She should have slides on because hoes wear slides. That would have totally completed her outfit. You're so cute and he fully talks to himself.

He's like, not today. Not today, motherfucker. Not today. Someone was about to die. Let me see it again. How sweet. Is this another angle? I love this.

Fuck you. Oh, he's still fired up. God damn it. That's on the way out. It's not cool. It's not cool. It's not cool. It's not cool.

I'm gonna put this plate in the top. I didn't see this clip. That is so much like, I mean, I would be talking to myself too. Same. Yeah. How'd you feel Annie? How does it feel now watching that? I fucking hate that shit, man.

It's like, it never gets normal. Still, to this day, I walk out and I'm like, fuck God. It spooked the fuck out of you when you walked in though, right? Like that. Yeah. I thought first, I thought 100% I was about to get kidnapped. I was like, this is a Russian mafia. Yeah.

You know, the way that they're sitting, it's too comfortable. They're not even like. Like that's someone who's real chill about fucking being in your building. To sit on the chair and be like. Yeah. In my head. That's a professional. Exactly.

And I was thinking maybe they were like sleeping or something. So I was like, I tried to be quiet. Like I put my hand, like I was about to. I was like waiting for them to come out. And then I realized it was fucking fake. And I was mad as shit. I was mad as shit the whole time. I stayed there transferring files for like an hour.

And I was mad the whole fucking time. You got to start. Yeah, I was so fucking mad. I sent them a text. I was like, you motherfuckers. I was about to get fucking amber alerted and shit. You got me fucked up. That's so funny, man.

God. That is so funny. I'm just too reactive to that shit. I'm bad with like pranks and like Halloween trick-or-treat. And they're like, wow. I was that kid that would like cry. Because I fucking, I react so fast. For whatever reason, it's instant.

Yeah. I don't like. I'm not into the prank shit either. I don't like it either. But seeing somebody, seeing you be like. The way you talk to yourself is my favorite. Because I would so talk to myself. Holy.

Cool. He's got his. Look at his shoes. Okay. Oh, that was great. I love it. Yeah. He had his host slides on too.

I can't believe you called them host slides, but they're not. No, because Christina started wearing these host slides the other day. As them whole slides. This is why I say they're host slides. Because like hoes, what they'll do is they'll hoe it up, right? They'll hoe it up to go out. And then even hoes need a break. So what hoes will do is they'll go complete polar opposite.

They're either in stilettos, like they're in heels. Yes. Or they're like, my feet need a break. They're either in short skirts with their pussy lips hanging out. Or they're like, I'm gonna put some sweats on. Jesus. I need a break. Right there.

She fucks for sure. I'm telling you, 100% of the time, I see slides and I see a hoe. That's what I see. Unreal. Unreal. Wait till these hoes are gonna start writing in the, I'm a hoe and I wear my slides when I need a break. Sundays, I wear slides.

I recharge for the week with my slides on and then I put the heels back on Monday. Because after I was Tina on the last live show, immediately I put on those dumpy sweats and the dumpy sweatshirt and you're like, oh, that's what real hoes do. That's what hoes do. Yeah. They decompress and they get. Like strippers and shit. They'll be like, put my fucking sweats and my slides on.

Let me go home. But any, you were saying that these are not hoe slides. Oh, so I must have got, I think I was confused because I was like, what do you mean hoe? Because hoe could mean all kinds of things. Right. Sounds like you're saying hoe in a good way where it's like, they just fuck. They're cool and they go out. You know what I'm saying?

They party. Like a party chick has her, she has her going out outfit and she has, I'm fucking, time for coffee. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. And that fine ass hoe wears slides.

No, yeah, yeah. What I thought, what she, what I thought you meant by hoe was ratchet. And so it's like, you know what I'm saying? You're doing too much. And, and the difference with those is that's when you start adding the fucking, the sequins. Oh, right, right. And the fur and shit. That's when it's, now you're getting ratchet.

Right now. Yeah. It could be ratchet. It could be a ratchet ass hoe slide too, but that's, that wouldn't be probably those three stripe adidas. Like he's saying, they probably have a little fur, little sequins on. I hate the fur slides. The fur ones I think are, I don't know, they're kind of.

They're disgusting. Yeah. Gucci, first of all, these are, I believe Gucci. Nam, nam, nam. Os, nam, differ. Yeah, yeah. Oh, Oz. No.

Yeah, these are ghettos. Fuck, but I'm saying the, the, the Gucci ones where you see people like the fur on the side of it. I see people wearing those. And I'm like, dude, you spent like that first one there, like those. Yeah. Like you spent a thousand dollars to have your feet smell bad all day, every day. Right.

Because the fur has to make them sweat and probably hold them sweat. Yeah. Yeah. So are you, are you supposed to wear socks with those out in the world? No. Fuck no. Or you, you wear a barefoot and then your feet stink. I mean, it can't be good.

Yeah. Those, those definitely would hold your sweat. Yeah. Right. I don't understand, I don't understand those shoes. I mean, it's a fashion choice. Like you wear those in public. That's for stinky hoes.

Yeah. Different hoes have different slides. Yeah. Stinky ass hoes. Stinky ass hoes. Yeah. Yeah. But I love my hoe slides.

Those, uh, any had them first, you have the black with the white stripes. And then I got the pink with the red bottoms. Yeah. You got those red bottoms. Those Louboutin, I told Tom, I spent $3,000 on them. You're like, what? Yeah. Like, yeah, they're Louboutin.

That's, that's the thing about those slides though, especially the ones with the fur is like, that's the point is, is like, yeah, this looks stupid as fuck, but guess how much I spent? Yeah. Your whole paycheck nigga, like, relax. He's right. It's like the signal of, of I, I spent a lot of money on these stupid ass things. I guess.

Stupid. I think hoes just need a break. You know, walk around, give him a little break. Those are great slides. Yeah. Look at, he closed all the windows. It's like going down memory lane. Oh yeah.

It's exciting. Let's, let's get a little, let's get a little excitement going on this app. You ready? Okay. Yeah. My chicken case there. I'm driving around. Come on bitch.

Yeah. I asked you about my chicken case there. Oh. Right here. Shut up. Shut up. Nice. Fuck you bitch.

I'll beat the fuck out of you. That's not a Taco Bell. Yeah. And he's barefoot too. He is. He doesn't even have slides. No slides. No.

Totally different. Those chicken case ideas are very good. They're very good. Yes. I'd be mad too. Southern gentlemen should be able to get in. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. He's drunk and he wants his quesadilla. Yeah. He's like, I'll bust your ass out of you. Yeah. Pretty cool man. Uh. This um.

That's good. This will make, this will you'll enjoy it. This is out of. Did you fart? Did I fart? No. Nope. I didn't.

This is out of Canada. Victoria. It's my motherland. British Columbia to be specific. There has been an explosion. There has been an explosion. There has been an explosion. There has been an explosion.

There has been an explosion. There has been an explosion. There has been an explosion. There has been an explosion of taggers putting up some pretty gross graffiti around Victoria. It's the choice of words that's notable, making some laugh. Others, well, not so much. Corey Sidway has more.

Yeah. Tell us the story. They're painted in locations across Victoria. Words some may find too crude for a capital city. Pretty gross. I mean, it's kind of disrespectful. Others find it amusing. I think it's a bit funny, but I also don't care.

I think it's kind of funny. These kind of tags are popping up all over greater Victoria. Cubes and anus. Count Anus living up to its name at this location. Big Texas Cumber. That's one nail bit. The men behind the tag say it started out as an inside joke back in 2018.

There's really no meaning behind the word as far as, like, it was just something we both thought was funny. And if any of us had a marker or spray paint, we would just write it on that building. And eventually the city or some local hero would come and paint it over and come back the next day and do it even bigger. A joke to some, a frustration to others. I mean, Canada's the best.

I'm in full support of these guys. This is art, you guys. That was fantastic. I hope my children. Shout out to BC. Shout out to Victoria. Big Texas Cumber. I hope our children do this kind of stuff.

That would be a big Texas Cumber. First of all, Anus is a medical term. So if you're offended by Anus, you need to get your entire life. I think they were more like, why is Anus written on the side of this building? Because it can be. It's fun. It's a good time.

Shit birds. Gosh, just enjoy the fun. That's true. I would pay them to continue this. Yeah, I would, too. I also, nothing makes me happier when I see dicks drawn on billboards and stuff. A tag.

A tag. We tag this. Yeah, they're so Canadian. Yeah. So cute. Do you remember a few weeks ago, we featured a dad who wanted to date ladies. Yeah. And we just said, you just need like a kind of a better video out.

Yeah. He released another video. It doesn't mention us or anything, but it's just, I think he's getting a little better. Okay. And he's sweet. He just wants to date. You know, like... He wants to be a big Texas Cumber like you.

Yeah. He wants to be a big Texas Cumber. Let me see. Can I find the... Big Texas Cumber. Oh, yeah. Here's his original, I think, here. Okay, ladies.

This is him. Dad. Dad Fod. Right. You see it. Single. Still looking. Putting myself out there.

Ladies, don't just scroll by. Say hello. Stop. We're within, oh, 150 miles. So long. Before Raleigh, Kansas. Send me a message. Okay.

We can hook up. We can get together. I'll find you. Yeah. Okay. He'll find you. 150 mile radius. And is that too long to go for a hoe?

Is that too long to go for a hoe? 150 miles. Oh, 150 miles. That's a few hours of driving, man. Yeah. I mean, it depends on the hoe, I guess. You know what I'm saying? Agreed.

The slide hoe? I mean, if she got that bomb pee, you know what I mean? Then maybe you want to drive. You drove all the way to Pasadena for me. I sure did. Here's a, here he is with his new video. You ready? Okay.

Okay, ladies. I'm back again. Listen, I got homemade meatballs in the oven. I had just finished making my spaghetti sauce. Takes eight to ten hours to make. Amen. I'm making spaghetti meatballs for dinner tomorrow and I have two bottles of wine. So, actually three.

So, if any of you ladies are interested, give me a holler. Bye-bye now. He's it. This is the kind of shit I want. Seriously, real talk. You're dead. Let's say you die. I'm a single woman.

I'm on the scrolling. This is the offer I want. This is 100% who I'm looking for. Yeah. I'm making fucking spaghetti sauce, eight to ten hours. I got wine. This is perfect. Yeah.

I mean, a couple things we'll say. First of all, I like that you went to me being dead. You have to be dead in order for me to date. That's how I see it. We're not divorcing. So, you have to die first and then I get, I did. Wait, why are we not divorcing? We're never divorcing.

Because? Because no fucking hoes gonna raise my kids or take my stuff. I loved you when you were fucking broke. Okay. I was real love. Second ho is not real. She's just in when everything's great. I loved you in the beginning.

I loved you in the beginning. Okay. So, I'm dead in your head. All right. So, first of all, better angle. I love that we didn't know if he had a ceiling fan and now we do. That's pretty cool. Confirmation.

Confirm the ceiling fan. Better angle, horrible setup. I mean, I just feel like I wouldn't feature the bedroom with the mirror. Behind you. Bad setup. Great message. Great message. By the way, anyone that takes eight to ten hours to make a sauce, I respect and I want

to hang out with. Commitment. If you're dividing me, like I'm coming over. Yeah. For fucking ten hour sauce. Bro, I'll bring the garlic bread home. Yeah. I'll bring the shaky cheese.

He's had two balls of wine. Actually, I got three balls of wine. Boom. He's gonna get fucked up and eat some spaghetti with me. You can get faded. Yeah. That's what's up. That's pretty cool.

Now, here's what I would have done stylistically. Yeah. I would have done the video in my kitchen over my sauce and been like, what's up ladies? And I would open it and I'd be like, you see that? That's a great note. You see that? That is a great. That's your fucking sauce.

I'm going to put this sauce all over you. Posse. Okay, ladies. I'm back again. Yeah. He's really trying. I just think also, where is he posting these? Where are we getting these from?

YouTube. They're just being sent in. But we don't know what this like, is it just an MP4 or is it? You know what I mean? Yeah. It's just an attachment of a movie file. We got to find out where he's posted. Yeah.

We'll see if we can dig up some background. I love him. Good. And he's good looking enough. You know what I mean? I'd fix the glasses. I actually feel like you're pretty into this guy. I mean, if I have to choose from the Midwest, where is he in Kansas?

Like, yeah, dude, he's pick of the litter. Wow. I mean. Do you have any idea how quick this guy would put a hit on me hearing you say this shit? No, I don't want that to happen. Oh, shit. I mean, he said, you know, you said, I got to be dead. Well, no, I know.

I take it back. I feel like you really like him. No, I mean, if I lived in the Midwest, I said, if I was living in Kansas or whatever. You're about to be pretty close. No, I live in Tejas. It's different. And this is my option, this guy. Yeah.

Because you have to understand in the Midwest, everybody gets married at, like, young. Yes. And they have kids and everything. He's a single dad. He's said it before. So it's very rare. Yeah. It's tough.

Yeah, you're right. It's pretty cool. He's a pretty cool guy. He's a pretty cool guy. He's got his hair. He's got hair. Yeah. I mean.

I don't. It's okay. You super bummed out about that. Don't. He's looking at him. He's looking at how far Austin is from Kansas. Yeah. No, I'm not that into him.

It's 10 hour drive. It's easy. 10 hours. 10 hour drive. I'll drive you. You want to go? I'll pull up. Hey, buddy.

Doot, doot, doot. Where's that spaghetti sauce, bro? Can I eat and then I'll leave you guys? I just want that spaghetti he's talking about. I'm down with that. Yeah. Why don't you make me some fucking spaghetti? You know what?

This really boils down to you. I want you to make me spaghetti. Could you cook for me? Hey, my birthday's coming up. My smurf day? Yes, what do you want? I want you to cook some dope shit for me, bro. Some bomb ass spaghetti?

Bro. Yeah. Okay. You used to cook before we got married. That's true. Yeah. What was it that you used to make me? I made you the penne alla vodka.

Yeah, do that. You want that? And you cook chicken really well. You know that? Yeah. Usually chicken breasts taste like a dry pussy. But the way you make it, it's so good and juicy. I wish everybody could try your chicken tits.

Good chicken tits. How about a little game we call horrible or hilarious? Okie doke, I'm ready. Let's see what happens. I haven't seen any of these. Let's go. Uh-oh. Yeah, I'm too kidding.

No fuck with animals. Nope. This ain't going well. This is going to get real funny real quick. I liked it. That was amazing and he deserved it. You know, that could kill you. It sure can.

Sure can. The trunk really? 100%. Yes. I didn't know how strong are elephants. Now usually, like actually elephants kill way more people than like wild cats. You know, big cats. Uh-huh, really?

Yeah, but the way they normally do it is with the top of their head. So what they'll do is they'll charge you and then they'll just crush you with their head. Kill you like that. Damn. Yeah, but that trunk could definitely fuck up your whole world. Let me see it again. I want to see him get fucked up again.

So for those of you just listening, this guy's getting swatted by an elephant's trunk. Yeah. And he's like, I'm going to pet him. You see the guy's move? Like he's the elephant. Fuck out of there, idiot. And that was a headshot. Stupid.

What a fucking, you know what? TikTok. Yeah. Dude, he was looking down too. He was like, oh, that's fine. He doesn't know what happened. He doesn't know what happened. Damn.

Holy shit. And that knocked him a few feet, man. That's not like a guy who can throw a punch. That's a fucking elephant. Jesus Christ. But I don't like when people mess with animals. Yeah, me neither. I know.

Don't fuck with them animals. Speaking of. That's my idea. Oh, yeah. Oh, thank you very much. Woo! Oh! Oh!

Stupid. Jump in, jump in, jump in. You dipshit. So he put, he had a fish in his mouth and he was bending down in a tank. And what was he trying to feed? I don't know what that, what was that? What is that? He was trying to feed one of those bigger fish.

Was that an eel? What is that? No, it's just one of those big fish. And then it knocked them out. That's your, that's your, that's your description of the fish, a big fish? Well, it's a bit, I don't know if it's an eel. It's just one of those big fish. Let's see it again.

Maybe we can figure it out. Hey, uh, Jose Andres, can you make hummus? Okay. Oh, I heard about that. He asked a world-class chef like, can you make a Caesar salad? In Adobe's defense, he was mortified that he did it and he told me about it. Oh, he did? Yeah.

He said, what happened? I came in after you did your Tom talk with Jose Andres. And he's like, dude, I'm such an idiot. Yeah. I felt dumb for like three days. Oh, that was the best. You want to see this again? Yeah.

I'm curious. Oh, it's one of those big fish. Oh, fuck. Unconscious and in the tank. Dude, pull him out, bro. He died. No, he didn't die. He was fucking around.

He comes out and he goes, hey, I swear. You swear to me? I swear. Why didn't you guys put the end of the video on there? I don't believe you. I sent in this video. Why didn't you put the end of it? Oh, I thought that was the end of it.

No, he comes out. No, you're a lion. The kid comes out. I sent in the video. You're being serious? Yes. I swear to God. Oh, well, I guess Zola didn't see the end of it.

How could you not see the end of it? It's a fucking like 10 second video. Here, I caught them in this lie. Make that big. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Somebody get him.

What a dick. See? And then they lie and set the tires in there. Oh. Fucking liars. So, there's that one. You all right, Tom? I just, I don't like, I don't like.

I don't think they lied to you. That's what happens when you lie. So, here's the third one. Oh, my gosh. What is going on today? You know, you were thoroughly milked last night. I don't know why you're fired up. I'm not fired up.

You're not? You're okay? Totally. I just, you know. So, here's the... Here's the third one. Going off the rails. Okay.

No. Oh, fuck. I am out on. Can I tell you, when I was a little kid, I did something very similar. Yeah. I was jumping off a diving board, and I was, I used to do back,

and would say that. I went up, back, hit my head on the dive board, and I was like, I went up, back, hit my head on the diving board, and then into the water. I did a thing where I jumped, turned. Jumped, turned. I was off the diving board or off the side?

No, off the side. So, I was facing the pool. Oh, I just got chills. I was facing the pool, and I jumped this way, and when I landed in the water, I hit my chin on this side. Oh, I just got chills. Cut open.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This shit's so dangerous, dude. Yeah. That was horrible. Thank you for showing us that. Horrible. That one actually freaked me out. I don't like kids.

I'm sure he's young. Yeah, and that's real head trauma. Yeah. That's neat. Thank you for sharing. I feel like the elephant could be more head trauma. Oh, I don't know. Nothing to dub is too afraid to say anything.

Why? I don't know. I'm afraid I'm going to be called a liar or something. They hid the end of that other video. Okay. I thought that was ridiculous. You know what? We're under a lot of stress.

We're moving to Texas right now, and Tom and I have just been trying to hope we've been living in hotels and with the kids, and I've been taking San X every night. Have you? Drinking alcohol. Well, I'm severely stressed out. Yeah.

I'm moving is probably the worst thing you can do. Right? It's horrible. Texas, it's a very different culture from I don't know what to expect. I'm very much a... I'm a small dog. I like my small dog life.

Let me ask you this. What happens if we move there and like... I hate it. Yeah, like it's like around New Year, and you're like, we've got to go back to California. Then we go to California. No. No, sorry.

We've been in Texas for another 10 years, 18 years, until our kids are grown. What? We can't ruin their lives and these people's lives. We summer in LA. Summer in LA. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. Just I'm full of anxiety. Yeah. What do we do? I don't know. I know. You just have to, you know, go through it. I think it's going to be great.

Of course it's going to be great. I really do. I really do. These girls do too. We shout out for Jimmy Lee. We're who's up in the news. Jimmy Lee, say hello to everyone. Hello everybody.

We're going to get blocked in there. Yeah. Oh, sorry. We're Jimmy Lee. I don't understand what the fuck. It's English. What the fuck was happening? That's in Belfast.

I like it though. I like it. It sounds like they were having fun. Yeah. They're having a good time. I don't understand a fucking word. Yeah. I don't get it.

Jimmy Lee and hello. Jimmy Lee. I don't like her haircut. Hello everybody. We're going to get blocked in there. I heard hello everybody. That's what she says at the beginning of that. Right?

I don't hear it. Hello everybody. We're going to get blocked in there. We're going to get blocked in there. I don't know. We're going to get a block in there. I can't make out most of it. All right, my friends.

I'll do it. We shout out for Jimmy Lee. We're who's up in the news. Jimmy Lee, say hello to everyone. Hello everybody. We're going to get blocked in there. Yeah. Hello.

How are we Jimmy Lee? Wow. It's crazy that that's English. That's what you speak. That's the language that you speak. You speak fluent what they're saying. English. Oh, I thought you meant comment our word.

No. That's English. That's wild. And I don't like that girl's haircut. It's bad. She's got the Lloyd Christmas. She's sweet, but that's not a good hair. She looks like she got the haircut.

My mom got it a few years ago. Yeah. See? It's a hundred percent. Lloyd Christmas. Lloyd Christmas. I like Jamie Lee. Jamie Lee?

Yes. I mean, it sounded like she said that. Because she looks like they're having fun. Like they're going to go drinking or something. They're having a great time. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I burped again.

Yeah. It's still from that. I think it's still from that earlier sneeze bit. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Lena's off terrified of you. Why?

You called him a liar. Because the end of the fucking clip wasn't there. I'm sure it's just a mistake. Accident, babe. You think he deliberately concealed the second half of the clip? Why would he do that? I don't know. Everyone has their own motives.

I don't know. Okay. No. Okay. Yeah. I'm fully behind you. Yeah. He fucking concealed the clip.

Nadab. Yeah. Sorry about that. What's wrong with you? Yeah. I'm just a sneaky Jay. And I'm just doing sneaky Jay stuff. Yeah.

We didn't even think of that. Are we blaming Judaism for this one? All this will end once I convert to Christianity. Yeah. That's a good way to look. That's a good spin. I like it. You think it's Jewishness?

No. I don't think that has anything to do with it. Oh. I just, you know, I just don't know why you would deliberately cut out the end of that clip. I'm so uncomfortable when you do this, Tom. Like, I'm so uncomfortable right now. Everyone is?

You two? You guys are upset? Yeah. Just a teensy bit. God. Okay. It's like, I don't know what to do. Really?

Yeah. The codependent in me is like, I have to fix this. I have to ameliorate relationships here. Does it remind you of your new favorite TV show, Couples Therapy? That, by the way, I didn't expect that I would enjoy it. Like when I started, I was like, because I thought it would be, I don't know. I didn't think it would get into, like into the weeds with the couples where you got to like really, really hear issues.

Yeah. I thought it would be TV version, which would be kind of lighter. That's good. Can I tell you? It goes deep. I want to watch the full hour session. I know. Every one of them.

I know. I would just watch a therapy channel. And then you see the therapist going to her therapist or her whatever, her mentor. Can I tell you? Like I said, there needs to be a dedicated channel to just people in therapy. And there's this really interesting thing because there's a couple and it shows you that whatever context you see somebody and what you're shown will inform your opinion. So like the guy and like the man and the woman that first start episode one, this guy is

like, I don't really think I'm that needy. I want zero responsibilities and I want sex whenever I want. I just don't want to ever. And I want to be taken care of without having to ask. And you're like, Jesus Christ, man. So like you go like, this guy's a fucking just an aloof douchebag. Yeah. And then by the second session, you hear him saying something totally different.

So then your opinion of him changes. Yeah. Because you hear him talking about like how crazy he is about her. And then she comes around is like, I thought he was a sex addicted asshole, but really he's just like so crazy. He has an insane sex drive, but he wants sex every day. They've been together 23 years. I know 23 years is nothing to to piss on.

No. So they have been holding it together, but every day he's like, I need it. I need it. Come on, Mark. I need it. Like I need to eat. I need to exercise. I need to come every day with you.

Yeah. And he said that he said that he's like, we had sex yesterday. He's like, that was great yesterday. Today is a new day. She's like, I can't keep up with this fucking guy. And I was like, do they have kids? No way. They haven't.

That hasn't come up yet. We don't know. Dude, if it has, there's no way every day when you have like children and life, they must be childless. Every day to fuck. I don't know. But it's true. Once you hear people's reasonings for things, you go like, oh, that's not so crazy when

you really start to listen to their reasons for shit. You know, you go like, OK, I get that. I don't think that way. No. But I can get it. But the show is good. It's so good. And I want to watch.

And we saw it on Amazon Prime, but I think it was a showtime show. It's a showtime show that's on Amazon Prime. It's called couples therapy. It's fucking good. And you can see real couples. Really, really in it. And like, you see, I mean, you see ones that are really bickering. You see ones where you go like, I don't think this is resolvable.

Yeah. There was one couple. So the woman. Yeah. This is the best. There's the guy in that blue shirt in the top. That's the dude who's like, I don't want to fuck every day. And like, she planned his birthday and he was, see, they don't have kids if she's

planning his fucking birthday and shit. Come on. And she's like, I arranged a threesome and all that stuff. And he's like, I'm not in. I don't want to do that. That was your fantasy of a birthday. Yeah. I went and he went to Italy.

Alone. Without her. He's like, give me my passport. And he went to a strange. That's how it starts. You're like, what? Yeah. So who knows what the world will find out more.

So there's this other couple. They've been together for 11 years and the woman wants constant communication with the husband, even when he goes to work. And she's upset because she wants to call him like 11 times a day. And to connect on something. To check. Yeah. I'm thinking about this.

And like, oh my God, I got this new Tupperware. Do you want to hear about that? And he's like, dude, I'm at work. I have a don't call me policy because otherwise you will. So then she texts me instead and that's infuriating. And then when the time I get home, she won't tell me anything because by then she's so resentful. Yeah.

She's like, I don't have anything to share. And I'm so funny because I understand because women are very like, we text all day. We're chit-chatting my female friends and I. Yeah. If women understood that men are not women, I think their lives would be a lot easier. Your man is not your girlfriend. Right. Men see work as like the fucking priority.

Yeah. It is the most important thing. It's crazy. That woman, I mean, I totally identify with the guy. He's like, I'm at work. Why are you bothering me? Yeah. I'll talk to you when he's like, then I come home and she doesn't want to engage.

Because she's resentful that he's not been privy to every conversation. She told me 20 times a day at work. That's way too much. And then he's like, when I told her none of that is just texting. And she wants to keep the conversation going. He's like, what the fuck? So the therapist was like, she needs to feel connected that way through constant contact. And he's just like, I'm a guy.

I have to dial in, focus on my work. And just let me go to work. Let me go. And then when I come back, we can talk about. And like he said, he goes, is there an emergency? No. I just was thinking this right now. He's like, what the fuck?

Yeah. I'm at work. I don't know. The show's good. I liked it. I got wrapped into it. You guys, any ladies, do you talk to your lady throughout the day? Does she text you all day?

No, not throughout the day. But I mean, my girl's different. Like she works just as hard as I do. And it's just as important to her. So I mean, it's different. But most, I like my exes. Yeah, they try to. But it's the same.

It's like, this is business. But then I get mad about it. I've never had a girl who's like, you didn't talk to me for work all day. It's like, what? We're done. If that was a genuine complaint, it's over because you obviously don't understand. Yeah. That's a grown-up thing.

That's the thing that's weird about that one. It's weird that that lady is an adult. She's in her 40s. Yeah, you don't know. And she's like, yeah, I'm just trying to talk. Like he's at an insurance shop. What are you talking about? Yeah, he's hustling.

He can't socialize. And then she's like, what really got me is she goes, because he's an insurance broker. Broker. Broker. Yeah. And she goes, yeah, but there are guys with bigger positions than you. Like the CEO who will take calls from their wives. And I was like, is that a slight on his position?

Yeah, it kind of feels like it, right? Yeah, I was like, why are you shitting on what your man does? Like be proud that he fucking works. And then he's like, well, yeah, when I become a CEO, I'll take your call. Like, you know. Yeah, like he's hustling, bitch, to try to, I don't know. She seemed kind of awkward. Yeah, that really didn't make sense to me.

Boomer got the facts. What? Boomer's got the facts. Boomer's got the facts. Boomer's got the facts. Boomer's got the facts. Well, Boomer's got the vaccine, but I don't know who Boomer is. I don't either.

Are y'all not? Boomer. Are y'all not Boomers? Oh, baby. Baby Boomer. I'm sorry. It's a little slow this morning. Mic is not a baby Boomer.

Bob and I are baby Boomer. I'm a baby Boomer. Anybody born from 1946 to 1965 is a baby Boomer. Look at that bod. Look at the bod on that guy. No. Yes. So this is my new favorite TikTok account.

It's at Old Gays, and it's a group of old gay men who live together, and then this one younger person TikToks them. It's great. And it's so great. That's great. They're so funny. Yeah. Boomer.

Boomer got the facts. Boomer. Boomer got the facts. Throw it. Holy shit. Oh, my God. So for those of you just listening, that's a toddler, I would say a two-year-old, throwing a live mouse at a huge boa constrictor to feed it.

And it says her first feeding, like babies first. That's like a fucking rat, right? A rat rat. Yeah. Yeah, sorry, not a mouse. A rat. Yeah, and that little kid was carrying it. Holding it live and then throwing it.

That fucking snake is on a carpet. Like, is that where snakes like to be on carpeting? I don't know. I don't know. That's a good one, though. It's wild, right? It's a really good time. Good.

I mean, that was like, you see, that's like a fucking, it looked like an 18-month-old kid. Yeah. Like with the toddler waddle, you know? Yeah. A bowlegged and shit. Fuck. Dude, I would not let my kid do that. That kid's used to seeing that.

That's why I was so used to being so able to do it. Yeah. I mean, most little kids would scream. If you're like, hold this rat and throw it at the snake. Yeah, because they're cool parents. Yeah. Let them be near boa constrictors. Boomer.

Boomer got the vax. Boomer got the vax. Hey, man. You know what? If I met a foreign person, I'd love to get that person a handshake and God bless them, no matter what. Am I right or wrong? And they say Americans are xenophobic and hateful.

This guy would give you a hug and welcome you to Alabama. Do you think, is that where he is? I don't know, dude. I'm just making assumptions here. He drinks a lot? Oh, he's the ghost of future is the opening clip. Yeah. His eyes are all wonky.

Yeah. He's got wonky eyes, which is fun. Yeah. He's got a ceiling fan, but it's not on. It's not on. It's a cool stain. Yep. Good video.

Now. So this is a guy on vacation in Latin America. Oh, what's he doing down there? Just enjoying the culture, enjoying the food, you know, stuff. He looks like it. Looks like a guy. My dad would do when he went to. Yeah.

Just like the way they are. I like the people. Nice people. Yeah. Cool. Barefoot in the streets with a dog leash on. Probably a pretty cool guy. Hey, Sunday fun day, baby.

Fuck. Sunday time is family time, baby. There's nothing important in Sunday. Sunday time, baby. Family time, baby. It's important. Forget your business or your work or whatever you do. You got to spend time with your family.

It's fucking Sunday, baby. Fuck. Sunday time is family time. Fuck, baby. Yeah. Yeah. Church. Brunch.

You know, shopping, whatever, the beach. It's fucking Sunday. Do the hell you want. It's Sunday. Forget your business or whatever. Or your work. Family time is important. Sunday time is family time, baby.

Fuck, baby. Fuck. That was, that was good. That was amazing. Yeah, yeah. I know people that know this guy. Crazy looks? No.

Who was this guy? I don't, I don't forget his name. I know people that know him. You know people that know him. Yeah. We've played him before and people have hit me up. Like, I know who, I know who that is. No way.

Yeah. Does he do, does he go to church? Does he go shopping? Fuck. Whatever. Beach. Fuck. Fuck.

Yeah. Yo, where are the goth girls that hit me up on Facebook? Why ain't any goth girls fucking hit me up on Facebook? That's what I like. Okay. I'm goth. Farmer goth, recovering goth. Well, no.

Are you gonna hit him up? Well, here's the thing. Is that, you know, nobody puts the call out for goth chicks anymore. Yeah. So I like the throwback. It's like give me some fucking respect. Yeah. It could be like, what if you like got back into goth if you hit him up?

Yeah. You would? Would I hit him up? Yeah. I'd have to see more lighting. I'd have to see what's happening with those teeth. And I just need to know more about Satan's child. 66666666.

420. But he's into 420. Super cool, man. Hi. I wanna sing a song. I'm gonna sing it for you. Yeah, but it's another request. And the request is from Jamie.

She wants me to sing about COVID-19. So the name of the song is Jamie COVID-19. And here we go. Jamie wants to go get a shot. Jamie wants to go get a shot. Jamie wants to go get a COVID-19 shot. What have you seen anything like that before? I really didn't like that.

Well, that's part of the roller coaster of the talks. Some you love, some you don't. Let's put that in the don't for me. Okay, potato-potato. I enjoyed it. Really? Well, it's different. He's got a nice bed.

So this is why this is unusual, right? Yeah, yeah. It doesn't fit because he's of a good socioeconomic status. Seems like it. He's not homeless. Like what's going on? Laying down is always an interesting choice to make videos. You know, we talk about holding the camp,

but like when you lay down. Yeah, it's the most interesting choice to lay down. Shirtless, too, is always prime. Harley Quinn. You think you're down, Harley Quinn? You think you're down? I just love seeing you so upset over the time. Nothing makes me happier when you go.

Have you seen the Harley Quinn movie, though? No. It's very good. Is it good? I liked it. I like her character. Margot Robbie. Oh, she's fantastic.

She's a great actress. She's really, really pretty, too. So there's actually a difference between cuckolding and hotwifing. And I'm here to explain the two. Welcome to this unique side of TikTok that you never thought you'd probably stumble on. So in a hotwif relationship, you have a woman who has sexual relationships with other men with the husband's full consent. A husband enjoys seeing his wife pleasure by other guys

because he can't fulfill a certain need for her. Out in public, she enjoys attracting men's attention with her husband and around. And there's a few ways you can spot her. She usually has the sluttiest outfit on and at the bar, and she's flirting outrageously with everybody. She'll usually have a charm bracelet on with pineapples or a queen of hearts. That lets you know she's in the black eyes. In a cuckold relationship, the woman is the dominant.

She usually humiliates the husband by sleeping with other men, and he has no say so. Like hotwifing, the cuck sees himself as the inferior lover. He can't fully pleasure his wife, so she seeks out alpha male. They call them bulls. Hit that like and follow button if you want to hear more. Cool, man. Have you ever heard of this lane?

I did not hear of this lane, but it's really fascinating. I wish I could know more. I think you just need to hit that follow button and you can. Asking for a friend. What? Well, let's just get some pineapple charms. Pineapple charms. Or queen of hearts.

How specific? It seems very specific. How much would it arouse you for us to start hotwifing? Not at all. I'd be so fucking out. I'd be out. What do you mean? That does not interest me in the least.

Why? I mean, I don't know. Do you want to see me just plow chicks? No. Why not? I might have to be institutionalized. I would be. I think if you wanted to break me, that's how you would break my spirit.

Really? It's like having sex with other people in front of me. Just tie you up and make you watch it. Oh my God. Yeah. I mean, I don't think there's coming. I would never come back. I'd just be like.

I kind of want to see this. God, Tom is definitely on one today. Have you strapped down in one of those things like that? Oh my God. What is that clockwork orange? Clockwork orange style. And you're just like, I love this chick. I just bring this chick on a leash.

I'm like, watch this shit. Oh God. Oh. And then I see you. Here it is. That's me watching you have sex with other women. Ultra violence. Yeah.

Oh God. Do you want to try it? I'd like to. Yeah. What is it? Is there an opposite? There must be a hot husband name. I'm sure.

Yeah. There's a term for it. Yeah. There's a term for it. Guys are so cool about this stuff. Interesting. You want to do it? I'd rather kill myself than hot wife.

I really can't think of anything that would be less appealing. No, I can. Sex clubbing. You know, couples go to sex clubs and then they have sex with strangers in public. I feel like. That's crazy town too. Pretty much everybody that does this is gross though. Yeah.

I mean like physically unappealing. It's like the lady who was like, don't you just love when your boyfriend gets a text and you know he's got somebody new and you're like, ugh. Like they're so unattractive. You know what? And that's like when you watch like, when you see a swinger thing and a porn, you're like, ooh, that's pretty hot. And then you watch real sex and you're like, who's this pig?

They're always grody. Yeah, it's always like the grossest people. Well, I wonder like, because that's a really sweeping generalization to make in the NRE polyamory community. That they're gross. They're all gross. Yeah, that's true. They're not all gross.

They can't all be gross. No, they're not all gross. But the vast majority we've seen are disgusting. That's the name of the club. Most gross. The name of the sex club. It has to be. Yeah.

I mean, yeah, because well, when you think about just the general population of humans in the first place, like very few people have the point of personal privilege of just being attractive, right? Yeah. Like that in and of itself. Is rare. Is rare. So then you even narrow that pull down.

Yeah. Into like super hot bod, super hot face. It's tough. It's tough. It's just a numbers game. Yeah. It's a numbers game. It totally is.

All right. I guess we won't do it. You're not into hotwifing. I guess not. I wanted to try it, but now you're being total fucking. Fucking bitch. You're supposed to be mad at me. Oh, come on.

Stop. All right. Don't forget. Check out the. What is happening today? We're just on another dimension. Check out the show that we shot. Great.

In West Palm Beach, Florida. It is at wyimagestudios.com slash rentals. A lot of work went into this live audience. A whole lot of fun. And yeah, please check it out. Super fun. It's available this starting this Friday, May 14th. So give it a look.

Give it a look. You Lou. And don't forget to if you want to see us live. Christina's touring Christina P online. Com check out her tour page. Tom's to grow.com for mine and hit the store. If you would store that wyimage.com. If you want to check out the new hot merch, we're going to

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