Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 605 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: May 26, 2021

SPONSORS: - Go to https://saatva.com/theshit for $200 off your order. - Go to https://stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in MOM to get a a 4-week trial PLUS free postage and a digital scale. - Go to https://whoop.com and use code “YOURMOM” at checkout to save yourself 15% off today. - Policygenius has saved shoppers up to $1,055 per year on their home and auto insurance. Head to https://policygenius.com to get started right now. - Visit https://expressvpn.com/YOURMOM and you can get an extra three months of ExpressVPN FREE. - Get $15 off at https://nutrafol.com with promo code YMH. - Go to https://creditkarma.com/WINMONEY to sign up for free and start winning Instant Karma - Head to https://butcherbox.com/MOM to get a FREE BBQ Bundle in your first box! KEEP FEATHERIN' IT BROTHER!! It's just Tommy, Tina, and their dog, Bitsy, this week. They start off the episode by listening to an old school YMH banger, before discussing Christina P's "ho slides," unacceptable male footwear, Nadav's conversion to Catholicism, and some brown talk. They watch a cool guy sing a song, YMH all-star Fedsmoker fighting in a McDonald's, a chimp throwing poop at an old woman, a crazy fight on an airplane, some of CP's TikTok's and more!

Hey guys, we got a bunch of new merch right now. Go to store.ymhstudios.com and get that hot new gear. So first of all, when somebody does not find you attractive, they will do this. So when you're hugging them and the hug needs to come to an end, they will give you something called the pity pat on your back. So they will pat your back like this. You know who gives me the pity pat? Who? You. Sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing,ina, fuck with my wife.

First you got to have a career, ambition. You got to spend her flowers on the Tuesdays. Nowadays, I'm a bad mother because I make crazy a$$ videos. She don't care about nothing but her fucking night. So whatever, come on little side bitch, let's go get you some self-respect and dignity and a life. No accidently, take your dick in a wrong hole, take your dick in a wrong hole, take your dick in a wrong hole. Bitch style he is sucking, bitch style he is sucking, bitch style he is sucking, bitch style he is sucking. I can't stand when somebody comment under one of my video, is she high?

No, motherfucker, I am blessed. That's a throwback. Hashtag stop Asian hate. So, that's a throwback. That's a good one. I don't know who made that. I actually don't have no idea who made that. That was such a delightful number.

I like the timing on that number, I like the message, I like everything. It's just really good. It's really cool, yeah. Take your dick in a wrong hole. Take your dick in a wrong hole. Is she meaning that stick your dick in the wrong hole, like you put it in the butt, in the stank instead of the pink? Well, yeah, I mean it's a- Or in the wrong hole, as in a different person.

I think hole. Uh oh, is this another? Oh boy. Uh oh, home here now? Or is it a homey on out? Guys, I think I heard her say hoe. Stick your dick in the wrong hoe. Well, it sounds like hoe.

Hoe, but it's hole. But she's gotta put a little swag on hole. She doesn't go stick your dick in the wrong hole. She goes stick your dick in the wrong hoe. That's what she said, you know. Stick your dick in the wrong hole. Yeah, hoes don't talk like that. You don't want to stick your dick in the wrong hole.

You've been giving me so much shit for my hoe flip flops. Your hoe slides? Yeah, the whole time I wear them. You're done shooting all your scenes. You put your fucking slides on, go home. There's three fucking BBGBs today. What? Boy girl, boy girl, boy girl.

I put these on, and man, you give me so much shit. But I gotta say, these are so comfortable. Yeah, that's why hoes wear them. Damn. Because hoes take it off their heels and they're like, I need a fucking break. Bro, like I thought I had a slide sandal before. I did not have one until I purchased this.

Adidas does it right, huh? Dude, they do everything right except for their fucking advertising with armpit chicks, fat chicks, everything else is cool. Yeah. I'm not about it. All right. Let me help you out. You're gonna be in Chomaha, Nebraska,

June 3rd, 4th, and 5th. Then you're going to Salt Lake City, June 11th, and 12th. And then you're in San Antonio, LOL, July 15th, 16th, and 17th over to Liberty Township, July 22nd through the 24th. That's in Ohio, Columbus, August 12th, 13th, and 14th. Funny bone there. Oklahoma City, Bricktown, September 23rd, 24th, and 25th. And then you're in Indianapolis in October.

All tickets are at Christina P. Online. More dates coming. I've got a big one to announce. I have my shows in Espanol. That's great. They're moving. I have to tell you, I have moved my Greensboro dates to August.

But the big, big announcement is that I will be in Las Vegas. Las Vegas is open. Oh, and Jeans. Your boy is going to be there back at the Mirage at the Terry Faye Tour Theatre. I'll be there July 2 and 3. ThompsonGirl.com for tickets, for all tickets. That's really exciting that Vegas is open. Vegas, baby.

I'm going back there. I have my, my whatever, residency contract back. So exciting. So I'll be back five more times over the next year. Now, what can we call Las Vegas? Is it Moms? We can just stick to Las Vegas. No, that's not what we do on the show.

Vegas. Vegas, baby. Vegas, baby. You're going to get faded and walk around with a three foot long. You know what hoes do in Vegas, right? They keep their slides in their purse because they get tired walking around. They're not used to walking like down the boulevard going into clubs and they're like, oh, and then you see the hoes pull their hoes slides out and they walk around with their

heels. If they're not prepared, if they're new hoes, they just walk around barefoot. Yes, I've seen that. And you're like, uh-huh. You're walking around Las Vegas boulevard barefoot. Jesus. That's how you're a real fucking hoe. Yeah.

That's a new hoe. The experience hoes have at least keep like, like petty sandals in your purse or something, you know, protect yourself. The 21 year old new hoe is the one walking around barefoot. Barefoot. Bad move. You don't want to be barefoot in Las Vegas. How do you know so much about hoes is really what I'm curious about.

I've read a lot of books. All right. Let's, uh, let's open the show. You ready? Yeah. Here we go. Well, I do math. I do it every day.

I'm doing not a fucking out of my way. Well, I do math. I do it all the time. That side yours in this side mine. I'm up on the highway holding my sign. Says I'm homeless and I'm hungry too. You bet. You can happen to you.

I don't think he's on a charter bus. What are you in right now? Bring anyone mother to this. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura and Christina Pajitza. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura and Christina Pajitza. I'm getting more range in this hands coming back slowly.

I see that you're doing so well. Yeah. You're doing really, you're doing good. Fuck. You're doing good. Starting to jerk off with this hand. Is that right? Fun things are happening.

Yep. Awesome. At least I can switch it up. I can do like the one, two. You know, I can cut my balls with this hand. It's pretty good. Would you like to introduce our guest? Yeah.

Please, I'm very excited to introduce this next guest. You've seen her doing absolutely nothing around our house. Please welcome Bitsy. It would be a little more appropriate if you would sit up and take this seriously. God. She doesn't even care. You already slept like fucking 15 hours. I get, I have the whistle on her, you know, because she runs away constantly.

And it'll tell me how many, how much she sleeps. It's pretty much all day. There's not a lot of activity. Then you take her on a walk and she's like, the fuck's going on? Bitsy, we took you on a walk yesterday and you did well. You did really well. And then you slept the rest of the day and all night. Yeah.

You think she'll talk? Ask her. Ask her a question. Hey, Schnitzel. Yeah. Bitsy. Mm-hmm. We noticed yesterday you chose, oh, that was it, huh?

What's up, bitch? God, you just, you looked at me and now I started talking and then you lay right back down again. I'm tired. Okay. Tired from what? From exercise. You don't exercise, Bitsy. You take you out for five minutes and you want to sit down.

That's 50 miles when you have a little leg. Bitsy, I noticed yesterday you, instead of going outside to poop, you decided to poop right in front of the door, even though the door was open. Mm-hmm. What was that decision all about? That was so that you have to pick up the shit. But is that what you prefer? Yeah, because then I shit near your stuff.

Why do you shit near my stuff? I hate when you do that. To keep you on your toes. Bitsy. Is that, is that the same when you get diarrhea at two in the morning? Yeah, that's to make you exercise. Yeah. Trying to help.

Remember when you were a puppy? Mm-hmm. And then you'd shit and then you'd step in your own shit every morning? Yeah, I like baths. Did you, did you do it on purpose so that your dad and I would have to bathe you? Until you'd be tired out there like me. Yeah. Yeah, that's cool.

I remember that too, Bitsy. Yeah. Hey, take a nap, okay? We'll have one more question, Bits. Mm-hmm. Remember when the Goodyear blimp was in, in front of our house and you just barked at it for like four hours straight? Yeah.

What did you think was going on? I was sending it signals. Sending it signals? Yeah. Now what? Just where to fly. Okay, coordinates. Okay.

I'm pilot, I'm pilot trained. Oh, are you Captain Marcel? I am Captain Marcel. I got to go get my sister down by the mountain. You know what's pretty amazing is that Bitsy responds to any variant of her name. We've been calling her Biscie. Biscie. See?

Yep. And then we also call her Captain Marcel. Hey, Captain Marcel. Captain. Captain Marcel. She's too tired. She knows we're fucking with her. Mega.

Mega. Mega. As in mega. She's a megatoc. She's fully tick-tocked to the max. She really is the dumbest but sweetest dog? The sweetest dumbest. Like, you know, like there's people like that where you're like, oh, they're really dumb

but they're so nice. People pretend that they're fun to have around. She literally, I mean, she shits like within just inches of where she's supposed to. All the time. She does shit on pavement, which is pretty amazing for a dog. Yeah. Very often. Very lucky in that regard.

Well, I think she's done enough for today. I think we should let her have her peace now. Good night, bitch. We'll go back to you later. Once you're ready to talk. Okay? Get your rest. Yeah.

Look what I spy with my little eye. Block watch. Somebody ask me if I'm autistic. I'm autistic as shit. I think I watched this 20 times. This dude puts out crazy content. I know. I follow him.

Yeah. I mean, this is so fucking funny. A lot of like... Autistic as shit. You know, theories that you didn't know about yet to be proven, but he... Yeah. Yeah. Diet advice, nutrition.

It's so funny. Can I hear it one more time? Geopolitical analysis. Yeah. He's out of his fucking mind. Look what I spy with my little eye. Block watch. Somebody ask me if I'm autistic.

I'm autistic as shit. You like that? Well, I like that. He's got self-awareness. Yeah. And I like that he allows us to laugh at it. Yeah. And...

I don't know that he's normally like that though. No. I think it's just kind of a moment. I don't think that he thinks it's that... He doesn't usually admit to it. I've always been like, what is up with that guy? I'm autistic as shit. Yeah.

But now I know what's up with that guy. You know? There's more than, I think, than that. It's up with him. Yeah. There's a lot that's up with him. Yeah. But speaking of being talked, I have something so amazing.

You told me you're like, I'm not going to tell you ahead of time. Yeah. I have something to tell you. Something that you're going to love making fun of me for. Okay. And I'm so... I'm like embarrassed to share it, but I'm going to for the service, the quality of our show.

Okay. And I think I owe it to... I just owe it to you guys. I'm going to stand up live in Fartnix. Great shows. Great club. They have really good food. One of the few clubs I would argue in the country I ever order anything remotely dicey from.

Right? Dicey meaning seafood or a steak or whatever. Like it's so good. So Chase O'Donnell, my very funny opener, she's there and she's pescatarian. So she doesn't eat anything. Right. So she goes, I'll have the surf and turf, but no turf. And so the guy goes, oh, so you want the, you know, the shrimp and not the steak.

And my head exploded. Danny, the waiter, shout out to Danny, the waiter at stand up live. He goes, yeah, that's what surf and turf, the turf is, is the steak. And I was like, wow, 44 years. And I did not put this together. What did you think it was? What did you think it was? I don't know.

I was like, like I understand. You know, it's surf is water. Again, so I understood surf. I was like surf, but then turf, I always thought turf is grass. I didn't know that that's what that word meant. I thought the turf meant dirt. So in my head, I was like, why, why, what do you mean surf and dirt? So I was just ignore the second part of it.

And I'd be like, I get the surf part. Yeah, I'm smart, but also those are final. I was like, oh my God. To me, by the way, that one is not as crazy as we have a cabinet that has the magnetic unlock. Oh my God. You're not going to bring this up. So they put a, they put a cabinet in my office and they're like,

it auto locks and then it gives you like a little magnet to, because like you put it over the area on the outside and then it opens it. Right. So there was something in there and then Christina has it in her hand. So I'm like, oh, okay. She opened it and then I go and I noticed that the magnet is like really far back and I'm like, that's weird that she would use it and put it like behind everything instead of like in the front.

So I just asked her, I'm like, hey, how did you open this? And she goes like this and she puts her hands on the door and she goes and she yanks it open. And I was like, have you been doing that this whole time? And she's like, yeah. And I go, why don't you use the magnet? And she's like, what magnet? More, longer, for nine or nine, 10 months.

No, I've been doing it for a year. A year. We lived in a house for a year and I hide. And I was like, I hide toys in there for the kids. You yank this open every time? Every single time. I rip it open and you watch me do it. The best part is I go, and then you go, brute force.

I'm like, you just go like this and I put the magnet. It opens. I'm like, just like that. She's like, oh, I didn't know that. I've never, have you ever seen a magnet open bra? Like, I'm straight Euro trash. We didn't have anything like that. Oh my God.

But I felt so fucking stupid. I don't know how safe that thing is too, you know. Just rip it open. Yank it open. Yeah. But shout out to Danny, stand up live for explaining surf and turf. Two big things happened in the last couple of weeks. You understand what turf is and how magnets work.

I did not know turf meant grass. I did not. That's what turf is? No, turf. Never heard like astroturf? I did, but I know that's artificial. Artificial what? Turf, grass.

Right. I thought it was like the whole thing meant fake, fake. Fake grass. Fake grass. Right. Turf. What do you think is dumber? Me not knowing smart and final or the surf and turf?

Turf and turf. Turf and turf? Yeah. But why won't they just call it stake or tramp? It rhymes. Right. It's just a marketing thing. What about?

You want some surf and turf? Oh boy. So fucking stupid. Oh God, it was so much fun. Not as bad as the smart and final. I was like, that one really blew my mind too. Because I was like, what are they selling there? I thought it was all like last, last, last books, items.

Yeah, you're smart, but all sales are final. Yeah. That's the motto at the final. That they sell. You know what's that word I'm looking for? Like last time. Clearance items? Yeah, like it was both clearance and that's smart and final.

That's it. Yeah, you're smart for shopping here. But you got to keep everything you buy. That is exactly what I thought smart and final meant. No returns. Yeah, you're smart, but all sales are final. Yeah, you're smart. And that's why I never went in there.

Because I was like, God, it's final. What if I wanted to return for me? And you know when you have a thought so stupid, but it's not even conscious. That was such an unconscious dumb thought that when I brought it to the foreground of my mind, I was like, oh, that's what I think about that? Same with surf and turf.

I was like, I don't know. Surf and something else. I just kind of, I stopped the thought. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Oh, and like El Torrito, did you know it's the little bull? Yeah, you taught me that. Spanish for the, see, any El Torrito.

Is the little bull. The little bull. That's what El Torrito is. It's an actual Spanish word. Did you know that? Like, did you think about? Yeah. I got a real.

Jesus Christ. I got a, I got a good one for you. Yeah. Yeah, I'm autistic as shit. Yeah. All right. All right. All right.

I got a good one for you. Yeah. Yeah, I'm autistic as shit. Yeah. It's never not a good time to discover a new. This is America, right? Oh, no. I fucking can't get enough.

He just lost your life. Such an asshole. Such an asshole. We catch him on a date. He's on a date. No. And this video has it all. No.

It has confrontation. It has racism. It has the threat of police. It has foot fetish. It has everything. Ready? Here we go. You want to get wet?

You want to step outside? Step out. There's some stupid shit. I'm going to go to prison there, brother. He's a service analyst. He's paperwork right here, ma'am. Okay. I don't even need to see that.

Okay. He's trying to fight. I like to get the cops called on here. It's Mexican ass. Is he even Mexican? That guy might be. So just out of the gate, the guy said something. He's like, you want to step outside?

These are papers. For sure, those are not the papers. He's just like, here's some papers. Well, he goes, my animal is a service animal. No, it's not. There's no way. It's not a service animal. Those aren't papers.

No. He's smart that he has papers. Because the lady's like, I don't even need to see it. Because she came to request. You can't just say, show me your papers. Your paper. Federal law. At least at the time.

So then he's like, Mexican ass. So here we go. And legally, I wouldn't mind getting the cops down here and having a talk with these guys. Trying to pick a fight. So they put those people in prison down here. Okay. Especially around me. So I'm sorry.

I'm legal. I have no papers. Yeah? Okay. Good. Good. I don't want to talk to you. Okay.

Do you understand that? You're on record there. Do you understand that? Huh? Beat it. You're not going to have any problems. No, we're not. He's going to go to prison though.

Real quick. He screws around. Thank you very much. You're welcome. Thank you very much. Okay. I thought the guy made a joke. Like I have my papers.

I'm not illegal. That's what he said, right? And then. Yeah. That's what we're going to call the police. Prison. Yeah. That real fucking fire.

But what's to call the cops? What's this to get escalated? That's the way to go. What was it? Yeah. What was Dr. Drew's thing? People on cocaine. Run from the cops.

Run from the cops. People on meth. Run towards them. So he's like, get those police here now. And that's a handy way for you when you're watching your vids to gauge what's going on there. Just to keep that in your pocket. I mean, because if you think about the way that someone like this lives and how many probably open warrants he has and to always be like, let's get the cops involved.

You know? Oh my God. It's like, why? Well, that's my question now is like, was there no recourse to just have him locked up longer? Yeah. I think he probably was a persistent nuisance to society. That's the thing though.

Was he breaking laws constantly? Well, he was. He was a nuisance. He was a real knucklehead. But did he break laws? I think they were probably like, I wish we had something to throw this guy away for. Meth? They can't catch drugs on him?

I mean, I'm sure he got arrested a few times for that, but wasn't enough. Check the car. There's drugs. See ya. Me na na na na. Me na na na na. See ya na na. I think that's Hispanic.

Me na na na na. Me na na na na. Beiner. Wow. You want to take it all the way to home base here? The final step? Is that funny? God, I love your toenails.

Let me see your toenails. I should step out and be deserves anyways. There was a lady with that. You didn't know the whole time? So he was like, hold on. We were watching in NatureDoc. Let's process this whole thing. Yeah, it's like we were watching in NatureDocumentary explaining that peacocks, male peacocks, show

their plumage, they fan the tail to show the mate. This is his plumage. He's showing. He's showing. What's up? Yeah. He's presenting. Yeah?

Yeah. God, I love your toenails. Yeah. Beiner. So, yeah. It's got it all. I mean, does that, that's a minute 45 and it has so much. I mean really, confrontation, escalation, request the police are here.

I have a service dog. These are his papers. I should beat his ass. You've got nice toes. So much in that clip. Beiner. I haven't heard that word in a long time. That's an old school slur.

Yeah, it really is. I like to get the cops called on here, it's Mexican ass. There you go. And it's the McDonald's. Yeah. He's on a date. I mean, what the fuck? I was on a date at McDonald's.

He was on a date. And he's always like, you're on record, you know? I love that he tells people that, like, like he's a federal agent. You're on record there, do you understand that? Grinding through the teeth, you understand that? What do you think the woman's got to be like to be with him? She's got to be even crazier. I'll tell you this.

It's pretty crazy that she has a pedicure. I would not expect that fed smoker would like bag a lady who's like, I got my nails done today. Yeah. I know. I don't think that that's God damn. I wouldn't mix. You're right.

Like the wherewithal to have a pedicure. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's one of those slides on, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of.

Sorry. I'm still in shock. That was really. Yeah. It was something. Amazing. Okay. Go ahead.

Well, just speaking of footwear, you have pointed out that you have some unacceptable footwear. Oh my God. So in my travels, you know, the world is coming back and I'm so thrilled. I've been noticing an unacceptable male footwear, especially as it's heated up now in LA. So here's some bangers. Oh my God. You saw the, is this from the wild?

Oh, this is in the wild. This is, I was boarding an airplane. This man, those look like the spikes from, not Louis Vuitton, what's that brand? Come on. The famous brand that incorporates the spikes. I don't know. I don't know. It's a very designer brand.

Okay. Anyway, those are designer. Designer. And those are spikes. Spiky slides. Also on a man. Jesus. That's what I'm saying.

Now guys, is it, is that fashionable or is it unacceptable? I'm going to go with any on this. Any? I mean, usually I'm like, just do what, what you feel, but I mean, only the spikes, bro. Yeah. That's, that's a little much. I'm going to have to say unacceptable. Yeah.

Unacceptable. Unacceptable. Gross. Unacceptable. I mean, that's, and not, I have never. Is it because it's like, it's too fashionable for you? Yes. And I'll tell you, those are expensive.

Those are like $1,000 at least to get these, this fancy. What's the fucking brand? Now I'm going crazy. Now that's it. Christian. It's Lubiton. Okay. Christian.

Hey, Lubiton or spikes? I don't know. Those kind of look like them underneath there. Slide down. Down, down, down, down. Isn't that them right there? Kind of looks like them. Yeah.

Those are them. Those are them. Sort of them. Well, no, those are flatter. These have a bigger cushion. You know, the sole is bigger on these. But anyway, it's so fucking gross. What is there?

There's Prada? No, no, it's not Lubitons. Those kind of look like them right there. To the right? Yeah. Those are Steve Madden's. Yeah. Those right there are very similar looking.

What are those? Who made those? Do me a favor, Nadov. Google spiky designer handbag. Oh, okay. You'll know who this is. This is the way to find out. I'm going insane.

You're going insane. Oh, those look like them. Nam, down, down, down. That's it. Valentino. There you go. There, I'm going crazy. Valentino.

Okay. Valentino. So that means this fool spent at least $1,000. Look him up. Sandals. So this is, and I'm going to preface this by saying, this is an LA guy. This flight was out of LA. These are Valentinos.

Yeah. Don't do spiky. Just do Valentino sandals. Men's, men's, men's. So like the LA mail is a little different than the rest of the world. The LA mail. Yeah. This is an inexcusable.

I just, I thought it was disgusting. I don't know. Yeah. Okay. Next one. I also saw this one in the wild this morning. Getting in line for coffee. So this isn't the expensive unacceptable.

I mean. I know. I think those are always gross, no matter who, no matter where, no matter what. The Birks. So those of you just listening, the Birks. I mean, how do you think? I get it when you're going, like, I get it in college. There's like college people.

You're like, oh, this is the easiest way to go to walk out. But like we're not friends. No, we're not friends. Like I would see people walking around like that on my college campus. And I'd be like, check them off the social list. Absolutely. Yeah. First of all, I would never have sexual relations with anybody.

Oh my God. Because look at the cork bottom. I wouldn't even fucking spit food at this. Forget hooking up. And the bottom of the Birk gets all black and dirty. It's all oily. Yeah, I know. From your foot.

This is so unfuckable. I mean, don't you, any, would you wear these? I would. No, never. Never. Never. No. And again, it's mainly what you said about the fact that they get dirty.

They get fast. It's like you would have to clean your feet all day. I don't understand. You have to clean your feet three times a day. What is it about them? Like why do they turn colors that other sandals don't? Something porous in the material? I guess.

Yeah. It's got to be that because it is like kind of like a cork board. Yeah. So it does have to be like that porous absorbance. Just absorbable oils and sweat. It turns the material black with filth. You buy them in their beige. Yeah.

And then they turn black. So don't you think Birkenstock could amend the design so that your shoes- They're clearly very popular. But your shoes look filthy all the time. Now, I got to say, when the back, when it has the back strap. Oh my God. Very, very hot. That, when I see a lady that has like not just the over strap but the back strap around

so you feel secure and safe. Yeah. Now that, that's a nice looking sandal. Wrap up your badge. That's the look that says all done. I feel like a guy who wears those is like, and then I put these on and then I tuck my dick between my legs and I go out and I win the day. Well, because you're sending a message, which is my feet smell, my feet fucking reek.

Look at that. It's just stinky. Are people selling those? Yeah. They sell used Birks and you can buy used Birkenstocks because they're expensive shoes. Okay. It's the most disgusting- How much are Birkenstocks?

I don't know. I would never buy them. But I know that they're expensive. But let's look, let's look them up. I'd rather die than wear Birkenstocks. What's your guess? I'd rather go barefoot like a hoe. Yeah.

A Vegas hoe. Yeah. Right there. Click buy online. How much are they? The range. It looks like they're close to between a hundred and two hundredish. Get the fuck out of here for that.

That is expensive. I didn't think they were that expensive. Ugh. To look like nobody, to look dirty. I'm kind of sad that I know that now. I know. That I know how much they, that these are expensive is fucking mind blowing and people are obsessive over their Birkenstocks.

Oh, I know. People, you know what I mean? Like they're like, oh man, I've had these since fucking 2006. I love them. They look great. They look like you've had them since 2006. Yeah. The tar bottom.

Did you fucking hike Jerusalem in those? Like what the fuck happened then? Ugh. And you know what too? As I've had friends try to convince me like, oh get those. I heard you don't like Birkenstocks. Have you seen that guy? Oh yeah.

That's one thing that everybody does that when you go like, I despise this thing. They're like, you haven't done the right one. Yeah. Get the right thing. Shit birds. Yeah. Europeans love them. But it's like Europeans that hike.

Not the ones you want to fuck. Not the good smelling ones. It's the ones that are like, yeah. You know what I mean? It's like the person that like vacations like with their mom wears Birkenstocks. And definitely doesn't. And then my mom and I went to Lisbon. And then my mom and I went to Paris.

Yeah. And we had Birkenstocks. We were so comfortable. And they have armpit hair too. Yeah. Gross. So gross. It's definitely a Berkeley, California look as well.

Those chicks up there. It's all hippies. Santa Cruz. In Carolina. Like if you go, if you went to Boone, North Carolina or Asheville. It's like the official shoe of Asheville. It's, I guess it's the official shoe of hippies. Yeah, it is.

It is. It's like, I don't shower that much. You know, it's patchouli oil. It's a lot of bracelets, a lot of rings. Bracelets, jewelry crystals around the neck. Birkenstocks. Yeah. It's not a fucking hygienic thing.

It's not one hygienic. Yeah. You fucking stink. Stink. I hate Birks with everything inside of me. I had a roommate that wore these. I think that's why I'm so turned off because he, I would see him. He takes them off and then they're in the hallway and you're like, dude, these smell.

Oh. Your feet stink. God. Fucking smelly birds. Yeah. This will, let's cleanse the palate. I'm going to get this out of my head. Okay.

Uh-oh. Shit. Oh. It's like you threw shit on grandma's nose. Right under her nose. That's probably the best thing I've ever seen. Pretty great. Besides autistic shit.

Yeah. I really like this. I really like this. Today I'm all about these clips, guys. Good clips. Good clips. Wow. Yeah.

So you get, I mean, you get shit thrown at your face by an animal. You've been to the zoo and, and like, and you think about how it feels like this could go sideways. Yeah. Like what? Like you had to, I mean, I went to the LA Zoo and I remember you see like the elephants and you're like, is it just this little. Yeah.

And they're like, yeah, they just don't get out. Uh-huh. I mean, they could. Dude. You could just step over that. I mean, it has happened where, you know, toddlers fall into. Oh, that's going in. But I'm saying those guys coming out.

That too. That seems like that's very possible. Well, one of them gets an idea in their head and spreads the ideas to the other elephants and then there's an elephant revolt. Most definitely. Yeah. I mean, tigers escape from people's private collections all the time. I heard Joe Rogan talking about it on his podcast.

He said in Texas that people have like tigers. Exotic animals. Yeah. And they escape all the time. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, what? Well, I imagine that North like not the zoo people, regular people would probably not

shelter their animals properly. Well, people smuggle. Yeah. They smuggle in wild cats and then they're like, hey, I have a leopard at home. At home. At home. Yeah. No, no, I built this fence.

The thing is they do like they will bond, you know, you can bond with these animals when you get them as cubs. And then you go like, no, it's not like a wild animal because I've had it since I was a cub. And you're like, yeah, you don't override its DNA. No. Like at a certain point, it's just like, I want to hunt and eat shit. But I mean, the only one that's had their DNA overridden is this dog here.

Yeah. I mean, this one is so inbred and inbred. I mean. There's no wolf left. Inside her skull is just a box of sand. There's nothing going on in there. No, barks at nothing. Never growled.

I don't even think she knows how to growl. There's no survival instinct. She does bark at the air. Yeah. This one would die. At least Fifo, our other doggy Fifo, he could have survived in the wild. I think Fif would have dug and found trash or something like this one's so dumb. No, she would die immediately.

Immediately. Yeah. Yeah. If we left her in the backyard for one night, she would just die. A fucking owl would just grab her. Yeah. She'd try to talk to them. Can you please let me live?

But that zoo thing, you're spot on. Or think about. The thing that actually the most, I think you feel it, because you see the elephant and the wild cats, they're sort of at a distance. The one that you go, holy shit, is the chimps. Chimps will bite each of your fingers off, rip your testicles off, pull your jaw out of your mouth. They'll peel skin off your back like it's strips of bacon. And they're just like, they're just over that thing right there.

And they're just looking at you fucking going back and forth. And you're like, what's the safety protocol here? And they're like, oh, they're over there. They're used to being over there. And you're like, okay. Oh, and they're being antagonized by strangers all day. Chimps can tear your arm out of its socket and off of you. Yeah.

They're so fucking strong. Now, how did we not get that strength? Because we're descendants, aren't we? We are descendants. I don't think it would be good for human beings to have that strength. They can pull a fucking car door off its hinges. That's amazing. Yeah.

That's amazing. Also, I was saw this thing on TikTok about alpacas and how their teeth are. They have like a soft palate thing on the top and then they've got vicious teeth. And they too, and they'll rip nuts off the other alpaca. Jesus. Yeah. They're vicious as fuck too. Yeah.

They look stupid, but they're pretty vicious. I thought you were about to tell me that alpaca are strong as fuck. What? They're just kind of dumb. Look at those teeth right there. Yeah. Yeah. Those can rip nuts off too.

And they do it. They'll rip off other alpacas nuts. That'd be so upsetting to have your nuts bit off by an alpaca. Dude. Worst day ever, huh? God. What are they doing? Are they filing it down right there?

Yeah. So sometimes their teeth get too long and then they file them down. How to trim an alpaca's teeth. Yeah. And their claws, obviously too. Yeah, hard pass on that. Dude, people have these as pets. You're like, why?

That's another crazy thing. Why the fuck would you have an alpaca, a monkey, a snake, like a big, stupid snake? They run wild in Peyru. I've been down there. Did you ride one of these in Machu Picchu? Fuck no. Never touch this. Look at that.

He looks like he's in the middle of saying something. Hold on. It looks like he's drunk. That's like if Bert was an animal. That's him right there. I'm a machine. Oh, 100% tongue. Oh, drink Kool-Aid.

It looks like he's saying it right there. Oh, drink Kool-Aid. Oh, my God. Do you miss Bert? It's been a while. He's been in Siberia for a while. We facetime the other day. Dead?

Yeah. How's he doing? He's doing well. Yeah. He likes it there? I think so. He's doing a lot of rehearsals right now. Sweet.

Yeah. It's so exciting. Yeah, it's exciting. What a life. I know. What a fun life we lead. This is ridiculous. He has such FOMO though.

Well, we should definitely be milking that. He's definitely the type too. He's just like, he's always like, what's going on? I'll be like so much fun stuff. Dude, sorry. Really? I'm like, yeah, man. I just had this meeting.

It's fucking tight, dude. What happened? I'll tell you about it later. He's like, I'm talking to you right now. That's great. That's really sweet. That's very endearing. Yeah.

I wonder if I'd, I think I have no fear of missing out anymore. I'm kind of glad to miss out on shit. Little babies make that happen. Yeah, you're like, I have no will to live. What are you talking about? Cares. Cares eat, sleep, shit in doors. Not Burt.

No. Kids didn't slow him down one beat. No, no, no. So funny. I so want to do what this lady did in this video here. Wouldn't that be fun? That'd be so much fun. She already tries that.

Wow. Good job. She's big. She's a big bitch. Yeah. Look at that guy. He's trying to like, he can't even get her to budge. She's got chimp strength, Tom.

Yeah, she does. She's built like a silverback. So yeah, I guess I could see why he's having a rough time. He's trying to, I mean, he's basically pulling her shirt off. She's not moving. Good. You know what really bothers me? I think this is a best buy if I'm not mistaken.

And the amount of tchachkies and candy and shit that they sell you in line at the best buy has always annoyed me. A lot of bullshit. You don't need that much fucking bullshit. Don't try to sell me everything. So I like that she's like, fuck you too much stuff available. Let's tear it down, start over. I don't think that's what happened here.

I don't think she was just like, why so many last minute items to purchase? I don't think that's what happened. I think we're missing what led to this. And also she's probably severely mentally ill. Now, why would they call the store best buy if it's an electronics store? Best buy implies nothing, right? It's the best buy. The best purchase you can make.

Best buy. Yeah, but all they sell is electronics. So shouldn't the store have an electronics name in there like Circuit City? That was a good name for a store. You knew what was inside of it. Best buy. I don't know what the fuck they're selling in there. Again, had I not ever been in one, I would have been like, I don't know what's in there.

The best stuff you can buy. It's all the good stuff. Is it home goods? Is it bed bath and beyond? It sounds like good stuff's in there. Soft things. I mean, have you been thinking about this? I don't know.

What? Fries also a stupid name for a store. Why would you name it fries? Fries had had the actual legit tech people. If you wanted to buy real hardware and you had like in depth question, you go in there and they're guys, they were like, you know, like a sommelier with wine. You're like, all right, man. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

The region and the year and the notes of cinnamon. What the fuck? That's them like for electronics. Fries that you would be like, hey, I'm looking for a cable and they would just start like, what kind of, they would just know like, you can hook this up to this and you could have, and they'd have products that you didn't find at Best Buy. You know, like you'd be like, I'm looking for this Sony camera and they're like, that's some bullshit. I'll show you some real cameras and then you get in.

Yeah. Fries was the legit, it's out of business now. Maybe because nobody knew what the fuck they sold inside. I know. They're probably like, I already ate today so I don't want to go fries. Exactly. Dummy's like me. Yeah.

I'm like, what's the fries? French fries? What kind of fries? Are all those sales final fries? What if I want season fries? Are these curly fries available today? Fucking dumb name, man. That's a dumb name.

Well, that's what I'm saying. So dipshits like me, then I'm like, well, I'm never going to go in there. I don't know what the fuck you're selling, dummy. You dumb fuck. Name it something apparent, like the come and go. We know what happens there. You come and you go, I get it. Yeah, you come and go.

You jizz in the aisle and then you leave. Shit, I went to the come and go last night. Stop it. You're very proud lately of your ejaculations. You've been bragging on this show constantly. I'm the best. I will say I milked you twice in the last 24 hours. And look how calm he is.

Exhibit A, Yana. Look what a happy bear we have. That's double milked in 24 hours. Calm. Serene like a fucking Hindu cow. Like a Buddhist. Looks like the Dalai Lama. You know why Dalai Lama had his nuts milked all the time?

If I had a wife. Yeah. Good stuff. Let's take it up a notch. I mean, that lady was kind of crazy. Yeah, I like it. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

This is a delayed flight to Lebanon now. Oh snap, girl fight. No, not the lady with her. Don't pull her head. Is that you in the background? Right there? Are you coming up? Hey guys.

What are they saying? That's not my language. Oh, it's not? Uh-uh. It's from the region, I think. It's from the region. She almost pulled off that lady's headscarf. That's messed up.

We aren't supposed to do that. Super disrespectful. Yeah. That's like pulling off your headscarf. Do we have any context on this? We know we're not going to be here at all. Just a fight, just people getting mushed off. Pine fights are fucking scary.

Because you know, you have such a limited ability to move. Like to get away from it. Oh my God. There's a fight like right in your row or something. You're just in it. You're just in it. You're just in it. You have nothing you can do, man.

You're just it. You're just it. I would hate to do that. I would hate to be in a plane fight. Oh my God. That would be terrible, man. Terrible. What would you do in this chaos?

Well, there's not much you can do. Just video it. I mean, I can't believe the people that are just sitting there, like I'll just, I would at least try to stand up and kind of back away from it. I mean, I guess it's ladies. So you're kind of kids, one step up from kids. Well, I don't know.

I mean, I've seen some chola fights that would rival any dude fight any goddamn day. Yeah, that's a different breed. You know what I'm saying? Well, you see gangbanger girls fight. What the fuck, man? Hey, Nadav, back me up. Any chola fights?

They should just have a chola fights website where you can watch that. I'm sure that exists. Oh. You don't think there's an at Chola Fights IG? Go ahead and send those in, guys. For sure there is. There's probably a YouTube channel. There's probably a brand right now who's like,

oh, thanks for the shout out. Yeah, I could watch Cholas fight all fucking day, homie. Yeah, you saw it in school. All the time, shout out to Portola Junior High and the San Fernando Valley in the late 80s. Every single lunch period, lunchtime, always a fight. Cholas ripping each other's hair out, fucking getting crazy. Horrible, horrible, horrible.

By the way, I've had, so we just got found out that the context is they're fighting over overhead space. Yeah, I can see that. And I've... I can see that. I've had a couple run-ins in my time. Oh, boy. I bet you've started a couple of run-ins.

A couple times. Tunisia to Turkey. Oh, yeah. That looks right. Look how he spelled Tunisia. I know. I mean... T-E-N.

Yeah, that's not it either. But that's okay. We get it. I get it. Tunisia. Tunisia. Tunisia. Tunisia.

Is that how you read everything that I type out? Yes. Tunisia. Tunisia. Tunisia. Tunisia. They were going from Tennessee. From Knoxville to Turkey.

So I was... I've had a lady one time. Yeah. A couple times. So I've had... First of all, I had a lady go, could you put this up there? Like...

Okay, how did she ask? Real talk. So... Okay. So one time a lady goes, hey, can you... She goes, bag like this. And I was like looking around.

No. And she was like, bag. And I'm like, do you need help with it? And she goes, yeah. Like, okay. She was short. I was like... Bitch, I ain't your husband.

I know. It's a weird way to ask. Yeah. Entitled. I don't like that at all. I've had a real thing with overhead space though. Wait, did you should have fucking thrown that in that shrimp's face?

No. I helped her out. Stupid bitch. I helped her out. Did you say... Did you say thank? Thank. No.

She didn't thank. She just went in the... Then there was one time where I saw somebody... What a bitch. Disabled who came to the seat and I go, let me put that up there for you. And she goes, thanks. And a lady behind me, like a cute chick goes,

hello. Like, I'm trying to walk down the aisle. And I'm like, hey, I'm helping her put her bag up top. And she was like... This was like immediate boarding too. I was like, what the fuck? So that's how confrontations start. She made a big thing that I volunteered to do this.

And she was like, I'm trying to walk through here. Sounds like you're sitting around a lot of cunts. Well, this is over the course of a thousand flights. Yeah, that's really rude. Then I had the time where I was in a pretty heated mood. I'm scared. I saw somebody... I told you this.

I saw somebody put their bag in the first class overhead and then they walked back. So I took their bag out and I threw it in the aisle. And a flight attendant saw me and was like... And she picked it up and put it in the... So I did that once. And then... No, no, no.

Don't just... And then, next story. You... I was... I was heated. What? Yes. And I've seen people get kicked off multiple flights.

Yeah, I've seen it. Drunks. The most, like, electric one where, like, my dick was hard was on a regional flight, like a small plane. And we were in Colorado and we were heading back to L.A. And we pulled away from the gate. And then, all of a sudden, we're going back... And I hear commotion.

It's a small plane. And I hear this lady, oh, yeah, that's really fucking great. Look what you're doing. And I was like, what is happening? And what happened was... Tom's all excited. Oh, yeah, I was like...

And me, I'd be like, I'm not looking. Now, my problem. Here's what happened. A lady. I thought I told the story. A lady was going to breastfeed in the back of the plane. And she...

And it was like, it's a small regional jet. The flight attendant asked her to do or say, like, do something. And the lady dismissed her and was like, just do this and, like, do your job. And the lady was like, oh, I can't have this passenger on the plane because we're not even in the air. And she's like, you know,

ignoring what I asked her to do it. So came back and then we pull up to the gate. There's police on the jet bridge. And then the lady had, like, a young kid, another kid, and her husband was like... You could tell, like, he's always like, this bitch never shuts the fuck up, you know? Like, she's one of the real mouthy broads, you know?

So he was completely silent. And the pilot came back and was like, nope, got to go. And then she was like, I'm going to sue you. I'm going to sue you. The lady went, you know, totally crazy. No, she's not. She's not going to sue that. No, of course she's not.

It's like, no, you're not. She's like, you're going to get lawsuit. You know how much money it takes to sue somebody? And then the pilot talked to us. Like, because the plane was so small, he was like, well, got her out of here. Got ready to fly to LA today. We were like, yeah.

So there was that. But I've also had one where this is the one that said, this is one that I feel like could lead to fights, was when somebody, another passenger, decides they're going to rearrange bags. I hate that. So, you know what I mean? I don't like that.

It fills up, the overhead fills up, and then someone will come on and they'll be like, hmm, we'll start looking at the bags. So like, one time a guy starts, I go, what are you doing? And he's like, what? I go, that's my bag. What are you doing? He's like, I'm putting it over here.

I go, I didn't say to touch my bag. Can't do that. Like, you're not in charge of the fucking plane. You're not the boss of me. Yeah. And so then the flight attendant will let me help you. I'm like, yeah, but why are you moving my stuff? I didn't ask you to move my stuff.

Well, and not only that, let's say you have a bag that has something delicate inside of it. I put it there and now it's. Now you're smushing it because you're trying to fit your bullshit on top of my bag. When I paid first class, I'm in first class so that my bag doesn't get fucked with, right? Yeah.

I mean, you're really upset too. People moving your shit really. Not cool. But let's go back to this bag throwing incident. And I remember one other thing. Hold on. One other thing. You're trying to avoid this.

No, no, we'll do that. We'll do that in a second. I remember one other thing. I would have laughed so hard. I one time walked. Yeah. I walked one time behind a guy who was, I'm not kidding you, like six five, like two fifty five.

And from the gate down to the jet bridge was barking at people. And staff. And I was like, this dude might overthrow this plane. Like he was like, they're like, you know, line up and like he goes, let's go. Move up, move over to your left. If you're going to walk that slow. And I was like, oh my God.

And he was enormous, you know. And just like, come on, guys, pay attention. That's not going to fit in the overhead. Let's go. Like he was talking like that on the way down the jet bridge. And I was behind him like this dude, it's going to kill. Did he get kicked off? No.

Wow. And he, he just had like no time for anything. I like him. I wish he was on all my flights. Yeah, I know. Keep all these fucking dum-dums going. Okay. So hold on.

What preceded the event of I'm going to pull. I understand. I understand your irritation. I'll tell you, I'll tell you why. And if I'd seen that, I would have laughed really hard. It's always a series of things. So I don't remember every little thing. What I remember is that I was super irritated when I got on the plane.

Immediately. And this guy, cause there's always, you know, that, um, that game, that fucking game that people play at the gate when you're doing, when you're boarding, like, they'll be like, all right. Uh, so zone and then someone will jump in front and you're like, all right, we're all, you know what I mean? Like they, they have to scoot. They have to be in front of you.

So it's one of these guys who, he was playing the game where he doesn't know his zone. You know, so he's like, he gets in front of me and I'm like, okay. Like they're still pre-boarding. Are you pre-boarding? No, you're not. Oh, okay. So then you're just waiting, but he like shoehorned his way in. Right.

Then you get, you get to, to swipe your, your ticket and the, the gate agent is like, oh, you're basically acknowledging this guy's boarding too early and then goes like, so sometimes the gate agent will be like, go back. Right. Those are the ones that you like, it feels good when you see it. And then sometimes they'll go, oh, just, yeah, just board now. And they'll let, they'll basically let the person. Yeah.

Cheat. Like, you know, like jumping, jump ahead. She let the guy in. I was like, it's a fucking guy. So now I'm behind him. We walk on and he has like, I remember he had jeans and a belt that was tight and a white tucked in collared shirt. Right.

And he was like, and he was like smug. Like he had a fucking smug walk to him. And so he, he walked up and it's a, it says, you know, first class reserve. He puts his bag and he was like, and then he walks and I go, oh, he's sitting in the back of the plane. So I took his bag and I threw it into the aisle and I, and I did it like super aggressively. And it probably, I mean, it was all emotion, you know, and then I put my bag exactly where his was and his is laying there and the flight attendant went, and I go, he's sitting back

there and she was like, I know. And then she put his bag in the coach. Another time, another time a guy, a guy walks on, he goes, hang, can you hang my coat? Fuck you to the flight attendant and she goes, where are you seated? And he was like, 28 C or something and she was like, no, no, he was like, you can't hang my coat. She was like, well, the, we hang the coats for first class passengers. We're not going to hang your coat.

And I was sitting there with the jacket on and she was like, do you want your jacket hung? And I go, yeah, just to show him, yeah, I was like, I can take a hike. Can I tell you though, I like the story of you throwing that guy's bag so much because I have wanted to do that probably every flight of my life. The best part of that is the part I didn't get to see, which was him walking up at the end of the flight and thinking that his bag is in the front and then he opened it and there were probably people behind him and he's like, where's my bag?

And now he's got to go against traffic. Yeah, that would have been nice. If they had a fucking, if that was on camera, I'd have it on my phone and play it every morning. I woke up. Don't you wish you had a time machine to go back and do that moment again? I've wanted to throw people's bags too. I'm so jealous almost that you got to do that.

I'll do it again. Yeah. I'll do it for me. And there was no negative repercussions though. Not normally the flight attendant might give you a talking to, Tom. I think the flight attendant had every right to give me a talking to and just saw me and saw what was going on in my face and was like, I'll let this one slide. Yeah.

Like this guy is dynamite, there's like a dynamite in his tushy. When I mean, I also immediately followed it up with, he's sitting back, he's sitting back there. Yeah. I was like, okay. But he did try and break proto. He did. I've seen that before, by the way.

That move, that's supposed to be, it's a slick frequent flyer move, which is if you're in the back, put your bag in the front so that you can have it easily accessible when you leave. Mm-hmm. Meanwhile, you're taking up overhead space for people that are seated in that row, you know? I've done that move. When I was a feature act and I was so broke and I bored fucking last, you know what I

mean? I couldn't afford privilege, point of personal privilege, Tom, first class privilege. And yeah. And so on the walk to my sad ass seat, I 100%, I'd be like, oh, I'm going to look at the fucking middle and I'll be all boop. And then I'd walk a little bit. The other fun one that I've seen, I've never, I got to participate, but I've witnessed this before, is like a really full flight and the flight attendant will be like looking

around. And this is in the first class cabin. Hold on a minute. I defend my side before I go. I would never put it in the first classes cabin though. That's rude as fuck. Yeah. Well, this is what I saw.

They, the flight attendant was like, because people were boarding and they're like, there's no room. And she starts like going and she's like, who is this yours? And then she pulled out a bag and she was like, is this yours? And everybody was like, no. And then she goes, who's bag is this? Like that onto the whole plane. And somebody like midway in the back was like, that's my bag.

They're like, you can't put that up here. She shamed him in front of the entire, entire flight. And that got me like. Hard as rocks. Yeah. Hard as rocks. I felt good that time. Did you have a Dutch J.R.D. in the bathroom?

Yeah. I turned around and I was like. Might have to gate check that, huh? That sucks. Gate check is the worst. Oh, yeah. When you're like. Fuck that.

He's coming with me and they're like, no. You're going to pick it up a baggage plane. And they're like, oh, fuck. This is the worst. Can I tell you, you, you have a disagreement with me. Fuck out of here with this. Yeah. So I have a friend of mine and I were text messaging back and forth and back and forth

and back and forth. And then she sends me an audio message to listen to of her talking. And I was so as fucking aggravated. I was like, I'm not even going to listen. I didn't even listen to it. I was like, fuck you. I was like, if you want to talk to me, fucking call me and talk to me. What is this arrogance of the audio message like, no, no, no, you listen to the monologue.

I love it. I love it. I've been using it. I've received it a few times. It's just, here's the thing. It lets you get out. If it's a somewhat complicated, you know, message thought idea, you're like, I'm going to text out that while what I, well, you should probably go over to Jake's house first.

And then when you're done, if you don't see the bags there, come over here. It's like, you want to text that whole thing or just go, hey, let me just tell you real quick what we're going to do today. It lets you send the message in an easy to process, understand way. There's no nuance to like looking, like figuring out the text. Can I tell you what? You hit keep. You hit keep.

But now you got all these audio messages. All. How many do you have? I mean, from you, I have a couple. So delete them. But don't you feel demeaned? I felt. Okay.

Let me talk. I felt diminished and demeaned at receiving an audio. It's like, you're not worth talking to. Yeah. You're worth talking at. That's right. And I'm like, I don't want to fucking be talked at. Oh, I want to talk at people.

Man, you're a real psycho. I want to talk at you for sure. Talk at you. And then here's the thing. You understand completely what I wanted to, like there's no. It's not like I say the thing and you have another question. I'll go, here's all, here's all the information available. Like, do you want to, do you want to read this message or do you just want to listen to

me? I love you pussy. You want to hear it, right? I'm just going to tell you. I prefer reading because I'm not very good at getting information audio to auditorily. I need to read it and then read it again and then read it. I'm looking for girls for pussy. Yeah.

I'd like to read that message. No. Cause then you're like, wait, how does he mean it? And now you hear it. You're like, oh, he's really looking for pussy. Yeah. You think the tone of your voice, Ndav, when he sends you these messages, how hostile is the tone?

Is it angry? No, it's usually not hostile. It's usually like, the tone is what Tom just explained, which is just like he's got a lot of things to get out in an order. Yeah. Yeah. See, I think it would be like, if it was about work, right? If I was like, all right, I'm going to send Ndav a text, but then I go, Ndav, here's the

thing. In the morning, why don't we do that call? We can record the thing. And afterwards, if you could set up the second set and we'll do the other show. And after that, I'm going to run over to the other office. It's like, you know, other than like text, text, text, it just feels like it's a lot, you know? Yeah.

No, yeah. And when I get like an audio message from you, I just know to always have a pen and paper next to me. So that if there's important stuff to. See, this is different though. This is a work context. I'm talking about two people that are friends. Okay.

Christina. It's so weird. I want you to get in all them bubbles and then make sure you sit in them and then get some pecans and corn chips and ice cream and we'll make a banana split and I'll see when I get home. Boom. There's a voice. But you never send me charming messages like that.

Sure I do. You never, not never. By the way, I am so excited. I just want to commend you on your cuddling abilities. Thank you. Now, since the live show, you, man, he put this cuddle move on me and I was like, this is what I've been missing for 15, I'm sorry, 17 years of our relationship, whatever. I mean, I was like, it was so great.

She was a good teacher. And then you had to come right away, but before you came, you did cuddle and that was very nice. She taught me that. She did. Yeah. She taught me that. Did she talk to you about that?

Like. Yeah. She said it's very common and that, you know, well, you know, you saw the clip and I know she was like, it's not all. It's natural. People get aroused, but maybe you can work on not going towards like what that arousal leads to. In other words, resisted a bit.

Yeah. You know? Right. And I was like, your nose was a banana split. She was like, yeah, I know. Well, you're doing. She's a good cuddler. You're doing good.

Yeah. Yeah. She'll teach you. Not too good, I hope. I have been seeing her regularly. Don't send me audio messages. I changed my mind. Okay.

I don't want to listen to somebody. Just talk at me. I just. No. Send me a fucking funny meme. That's what you want? All day. Send me like a dumb tech talk or a funny meme.

Like send me the autistic as shit guy. You just want that to be sent to you? Yeah. I don't want to have to do work. Just fucking text me or call me then. Don't do an audio message. I don't understand this in between. Hedav, would you rather have a voice note sent to you or a cool video like the ones

that I sometimes send you? Wow. This is the hardest would you rather I think I've ever had an answer because I don't like either of them, but you know what, I'll take an audio message over death videos. Okay. Have you started your conversion to Christianity or Catholicism yet? I've been like googling images of the rosary beads every now and then just because you need to wrap that around your hand, right?

I think you'll burn. Wouldn't that burn your skin to put them on right now before you've converted? You think Jews can't hold the rosaries? That's what it's for. To tell. To keep Jews away? Of course. Jews.

That's what I've read this to. I've read this as well. Yeah, it's true. Well, I ordered it on Amazon, so I haven't touched it yet, but I'll keep you updated if it burns. Bitsy knows. Yeah. Bitsy, are you Catholic?

Bitsy, do you think Madhav should convert to Christianity or Catholicism? What do you think Bits? Your blood is not what's stinking, bitch. She knows. She knows. She knows. She whooped at that. She was like, Jew.

This made the rounds online like a month ago, and we didn't play it, but it's so fucking foul. I just, I don't know what's going on. And everybody said the same thing. Everybody was like, there's just some white people. 100%. Wow. One more.

One more of these. Oh, this is going to be soda. There's ice and ice cream in a toilet. So this woman has a toilet, and she's putting two gallons of sherbet, gummy worms, and then soda, and they're filling up the tank. Well, now they take out the bag. Have you already emptied this part? Yeah, I emptied that part.

Jerry Salt's posted this. So some of these in here? A lot of people posted this. Oh my goodness. Yeah. She puts more gummies and stuff in the tank and sour patches, and then they put soda in the tank. That looks pretty good.

That does look good. Yeah, that looks really good. I'm going to get the cups ready. Mix that all around. Oh my gosh. That looks so good. Wow. That's one of these.

Looks so good. Mm-hmm. So you mix it up a little bit, and then when you flush. And then you flush, and then we get to scoop it out. Mm-hmm. Okay. I want to make sure it's nice and mixed, okay? Okay.

It really mixes in there. You nasty bitch. It's going to be great. Ready? Yeah. There's your guess. Yeah, they're going to love it. Yeah.

Because they don't know what the fuck you're doing. We're going to flush it. Should we take off the lid so we can see? Yeah. Are you good? Yeah, let's do it. Let me see it. Do it.

This, you know, it could overflow, so we're not really sure. Oh, here we go. Wow. So it starts. Oh, look. It is. It's filling up. Wow.

It's filling up. Wow. Mm-hmm. That's incredible. Okay. So now it's all mixed in. That's great. You can go ahead and just get that.

And by the way, this is a functioning toilet because there's a toilet brush next to it. No, and it worked, too. Like, she flushed it. Right, but meaning this is a toilet they've been using as a toilet. And they're like, what? We cleaned it. Not a new toilet. Let's say, for argument's sake, they could have gone to Home Depot.

Right, and got a new toilet. Which is an excellent name for a store, by the way. It's the Home Depot. I know what to expect. A depot. A stop. Is that what a depot is? For home things.

Okay. Do you like that better than Lowe's? What the fuck is a Lowe's? Yeah. It's for short people. The Lowe's. Okay. So the point is, for the sake of my brain, this is not a brand new toilet.

I don't think it is because it looks like it's been used. There's a toilet brush next to it. This is her toilet. Ooh, that's some gush, gush. That's nasty. This is so fucking nasty. This is so fucking nasty. And she's so pleased with herself.

They're both pleased. They're gonna love that. They're gonna love that. It's so disgusting. Ugh. How upset would you get to if you're like, took a sip. You're like, it's pretty good. And then you walk by and you're like, did you get this out of the toilet?

And they're like, yeah, we made toilet sorbet. Right? Wouldn't you be like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Yeah, I'd be like, this is the last time I'm talking to this person. I would never hang out again. No, yeah. I'd break up with that friend. Yeah.

Well, and you can make this in a large punch bowl. It doesn't need to be in the toilet. No reason this has to be made in a toilet. It's not the same. It's not in the toilet. It's not the same. You've got to eat it in the toilet. Like, why do we have to put it in the toilet?

I don't understand when they couldn't just make this in a bowl. And ice cream. First of all, let's walk through what she put in there. Sherbert, ice cubes, sour gummy worms, and then like, Fanta orange soda. You know what I would do this lady? Put her head in the toilet and flesh it until she dies. I would walk past that toilet. And then afterwards, when I saw her with a cup, I'd be like, are you eating that?

And she's like, yeah, we made it in the toilet. I'd be like, I jerked off in the toilet like a minute ago. And she'd be like, what? I'd be like, yeah, I jerked off and then I pissed in it because I saw a bunch of ice in there. Are you drinking it? I can't drink it now. She's like, well, yeah, I didn't think you would serve us in the toilet. So I pissed in it and I jacked off in it.

Everyone's drinking that now. It's on you. It's your fault. You put food in the toilet that I thought was just for decoration. Food in the toilet. And not even good food. Oh, yeah, look at that floater. See, that's my juice right there in your cup.

But I wouldn't drink this under normal circumstances when I'm trying to say, let alone mixed in a toilet. Why would you even as an adult want to drink that so fucking gross? Yeah, it's a disgusting thing. And I'll go out. I'll just say it now. White people. It's white people.

Yeah. Point of personal privilege. Fuck white people. Definitely. Let's watch this right here. White people. Oh, shit. In a wheelchair.

He's got one leg. Put my window down, bro. Come here. Fucking that guy up. One lion man is fucking that guy up. All you put in the sleeve. Wow. Do you know how demoralizing that has to be?

They're like, you get knocked out and you're like, yeah, by that dude in that wheelchair. One-legged dude. He fucked me up today. But don't you think the guy in the white outfit was drunk or something? I would say so, yeah. I still think you don't think your day is going to go that way. I still think if you're like, I got drunk today, you don't think it'll end with a guy in a wheelchair with one leg absolutely fucking me up.

You're right. In your wildest dreams, you would be like, today's the day I got beaten up by a one-legged guy in a wheelchair. Put my window down, bro. Damn. Put my window down, bro. Fucked up. Look at him.

He sticks his chin out like, go ahead. Hit me. Watch. Ooh. Fuck. That woman's not happy with me. That's it. That's all she wrote right there.

See you later. He wheels off. He's like, eat my rubber. You wouldn't forget that, dude. If that guy in the white shirt would be like, don't even look at that dude in the wheelchair. He'll fuck you up. He'll fuck you up. But that guy in a wheelchair has had to fuck people up his whole life.

That's a good point. Because they've been like, fuck you one-legged bitch. And he's like, oh, I'm a fucking one-legged bitch. Can a one-legged bitch do this? Pull your ass down and beat the shit out of you like that? Or he seems like so good at this. Maybe he just lost his leg. He's been fucking people up with two legs.

He's lost that two-legged energy? A stamina? Yeah. What he's doing right now, he's like, I'm reminding this whole neighborhood that I could still fuck you up. I might have lost his leg on my rough rider bike this week. But yeah, I can still fight, man. Yeah.

That's wild, dude. That's wild. Yeah. You don't want any piece of that. No way. No fucking way. This is this video I had pulled for the staff, for the boys. Just to let them know what's out there.

I'm scared. I'm always worried about their health and their well-being. And they know there's a bunch of flusies out there. And they don't consider what these chicks are up to. I'm here to make a few confessions to the people that I did fuck around with. I have herpes, chlamydia, and gonorrhea. Sorry that I didn't tell you from the beginning. I shut up.

Yeah. But I was the victim at one point. And now everybody that I fucked with is also now the victim. At the end of the day. And for you cheaters out there, it's why you don't cheat and fucking bang them, because now you're passing out to other people. There you go. Well, look, two out of three are bacterial.

No big whoop. Nice spin on the whole message. That's a shot at the dock. Herpes is a little more annoying. You got to take your valetrex to suppress it. But, you know, it's not HIV. Now that one's a little more troublesome to deal with. I still want the boys to wrap it up.

And that's never going to happen. These guys are fucking animals. It doesn't feel good. It don't feel good. It don't feel the same. Yeah. Now it burns when I pee. Yeah.

She's a cool chick, though. She's rad. Yeah. I like her. I definitely would, you know. Give it to her. Well, I mean, I'm sure. Wrapped.

Wait. Would you, though, and let's be real. Be real with me, Tom. Yeah. Let's say you're into her. Yeah. And she does tell you, look, I've got these three. As a 20-year, would it deter you?

Yes. It would. Even in your 20s. She wouldn't announce it. She's making her announcement afterwards. What would happen is I'd be at a party with her and she'd be like, you want to fuck? And you're like, yeah.

And then I would be like, let me, I have a condom. And she'd be like, what are you, gay or something? And I'd be like, what? And then she'd go, you don't need a condom. And because she said I don't need a condom, I wouldn't wear a condom. Right. And then she'd be like, oh, yeah, I got these diseases. I'm like, what?

That's how it was done. So, but okay, that's how, and that's how that would happen. But let's say, and it's 21-year-old Tom, you're at your horniest. Right. She does tell, you see this video. Oh, it would deter me. You'd be like, nah. Yeah.

If somebody's announcing that, I'd be like, no. Yeah. Again, the herpes would be the big deterrent because the other two are bacterial. I don't think it's the cocktail of the three. Big whoop. You can treat the other two. It doesn't matter. They're just fucking savages walking around with all three.

Why haven't you treated the other two? What do you mean? I'm just trying to defend her. Why? The fuck? She was a victim. She said at one point. I'm trying to defend hoes.

Guys, come on. Someone's got to defend these hoes. For sure. She's got slides on it. If they fucking pan down, she definitely has them on. You want to defend hoes? Defend this. Do the queefing thing.

It's amazing. You like the queefs? Yeah, I can literally queef on command. You guys want to hear this shit? Yeah. You want to hear this shit? Hold up. Let me just put the microphone right here.

Did you guys hear it going into my vagina? Now let me push the air out. Did you guys hear the air going in? Yeah, we did. I'm going out. She's fucking crazy. She's the best. Tell me about it.

This is the mascot for YMH. This is the new fucking queen. She's a good kind of crazy. Yeah, she's awesome. You put a 21-year-old tom in that room? Yeah. Done. Which I will say.

I like two in my mouth. Oh my god. The one thing that's alarming is how juvenile her bedroom is. That's a little alarming. I don't like the My Little Ponies. And these are my bears. Puppets and shit. I'm a narwhal.

Yeah, this looks like my fucking two-year-old's bed. Yeah. And she's doing pussyqueeps in there. Can we hear this pussy pop next to my teddy bear? What? I have to say too, I didn't like hearing the air go into her vagina. I didn't like the... I could hear it and I didn't enjoy that.

I did like the fart sound. But I don't like that. Yeah. I mean, no. I wouldn't say it's one of my favorite things of her. Did it turn you on? No. But I do like her personality that she's fun.

She's like, you like that shit? Yeah. I think she's fun. Positive. She's a fun hang. Yeah. You could definitely pull out a joint and be like, mm-hmm. Yeah, you want to party?

Yeah, yeah. And then she's like, I quiff on your back. You want to hear me quiff? I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's hear you quiff. I don't think it would be that hard to sleep with her. No. But I knew a girl in college who could quiff on command too.

Yeah. It's a rare but real talent. Mm-hmm. I mean, I literally... It took me about three years of knowing her before one day we were all drunk. It was two in the morning. She goes, I can quiff right now. I go, no way.

Show me. And she did it in front of a party full of people. Oh, wow. That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. It was really amazing. And then it was like, we were always asking her to do it.

Yeah. Well, then she was like, come on. That's when it gets annoying when people know you have that talent. Yeah. And then you got to keep doing it. I imagine, you know? Yeah. I can't do that.

I can burp. I can shit on command. Hey. So can a dog. Have you tried it? Burp on command? No. Shitting on command.

No. You're talking about that talent. No. No, I don't shit on command. Hmm. Have you tried? No. I feel like it's a talent that you're not even trying to tap into.

I don't really want to try. But it's useful for when you're like, I want to work out, but I have to shit first. Yeah. Sometimes my body will just do that for me though. You know? Dude, I had the craziest diarrhea when I came home from Arizona. No, just hear me out before we go on. It was like, so here's what I had.

I landed and then I had some salmon and it was undercooked. I had pure brown water coming out of me and I'm not exaggerating eight times. Eight bouts of brown water. It didn't even hurt. Like, you know when you get diarrhea and it just has to come out of you so fast? Yeah. And that's what happened. I ate it and my body was like, nope.

Dump it out. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh shit. Oh you s***. Nope, not funny. He got fucked up dude.

How fast was he going? Oh fuck. I mean that's a steep hill. Oh fuck. Look at that bike. Shit. Oh you s***. Oh.

Yeah, the speed wobbles. I feel that in the car when I turn off trash control you're like... I don't like that. Yeah, that was pretty good. So you're saying horrible? Yeah. I'm going hilarious. All right, this is going to go well.

That's why this one looks good. Oh boy. What an asshole, I like that one. That's fucking good. You knew he was setting himself up for that one family? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't mind? Yeah, yeah.

Idiot. It's a pretty scene. Is that in Canada somewhere? That fucking hurt twice man. His knee and his back. Jesus Christ. Yeah, those were awesome. Another one.

Ready for this one? Trance Canada. Oh. He might not be alive. You know what I mean? I'm having fun. Oh. Ooh.

That, yeah. It's the double whammy too. He at the front and the back of his head on the concrete. What do you think? No. I liked the activity. I think sliding down that hill would be so fun. How did he not see that before at the top of his slide?

I know. I feel like too, you could have veered. It didn't come out of nowhere. Yeah, when you're going down a street, you're looking out. You're like, all right, I'm going to go towards this. And we've all done some version of this, right? Like snow day, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Snow, maybe skateboarding and whatever. But like, you know to fucking veer. Dude, don't go into the car. When I was in Hong Kong, I forgot the neighborhood. But they had a like streets like like this steep sleep and they fed into like a main highway and Chad Daniels. We were out drinking, gets the lid of a trash can and sits on one and slides down like this. And at the last second veers left and cars are just flying by. Like we were like, we're going to lose Chad right now.

Wow. Like I went from like, oh my God, laughing to be like, you're going to die. And just the last second, he just turns it out. Oh my God. Panic. Genuine panic. I don't want to lose Dad Daniels. He's like, I'm good.

I'm good. He's so funny. He's so funny. Don't lose Chad Daniels. Yeah. Pretty crazy. Sheesh. Pretty cool, huh?

You titled that toilet dessert. That was a good one. What's this? Oh my God. Somebody sent me this. They were like, who is this appealing to? Your easiest outfit starts here. Shop styles for sizes 10 through 30.

These are mid-fit, super skinny jeans for size 10 through 30. Yeah, they don't look good at all. My stepdad used to look like this normally. Really? Big guys, you know, they pull it up over their hushy. That's such a strange move. Yeah. That's also what they did in like the 30s.

You know what I mean? Through the 50s is that men would put the pants over their gut. That was the acceptable way to wear pants. So strange. Yeah, it doesn't look good. Oh my God. I mean, only because the skinny jean doesn't look good on anybody except any who has the figure for it.

Yeah. It's tough. Tough look. It's not, yeah. You know, we're all models now and everyone's pretty. Everyone's perfect. You know, we got to accept that all, everything's good. All times.

Everything's defined in the same, you know. I'm autistic as shit. Yeah. Yeah. It is strange with everybody. Everyone's pretty. You got, that's the thing is like include, I understand because inclusion is a good thing. Really?

Yeah. It's representation is a good thing. Yes. Inclusion is a good thing. It's all, there's also a level that's delusional. Like you're delusional if you're trying to say that like everybody's attractive. That's not true. Or everyone's desirable.

I mean, maybe to someone, but like most of us have kind of a, there's a general consensus of what's attractive and appealing, you know. Well if you look at the word attractive, meaning pleasing to the senses, I'm assuming are pleasing to one's eye. And it is subjective. So I understand, like it can vary, right? Right. On some levels.

The thing that we do now is we go, well if there's a, if there's five people that feel this way, let's advertise to them. And you're like, but what about like the 98% like shouldn't we advertise for them? Nope. We need to cater to the 1% of people who feel on the marginal, marginalized side. So we need 500-pound models and somebody with their fucking face torn off. They should be a model too. No, that's it.

You're a model too. What the fuck are you talking about? It makes me, it's just not. Are you doing this ad so that their family feels good? Like for the rest of society? I think it started for me when Dove did the soap ad for a regular looking women, like women like me. Yeah.

On the billboard and with our disgusting fat body. You know what I'm saying? Like regular bodies. This person's got burns from a fire. Yeah. Like I don't want to see regular bodies. I mean, put them on fucking discovery, but not in an ad. Not in an ad.

Yeah. There should be a TLC show. I agree. But how gross this person is. But like, why are they advertising Dove soap? I want to see a perfect body. Well, and also too, we're redefining beauty. Okay.

So now you're going to say if everything is beautiful, then nothing is beautiful, right? There has to be a scale to rate something as beautiful. Correct? Yeah. Ugly in order for something to be beautiful. Sure. You know what? I didn't see anybody talk about at all.

I heard you bitches looking for me. I need to tell everyone a secret. I can't keep it a secret any longer. The aliens are coming June 8th, 2021. So be prepared. That's really soon. It's been confirmed. I got the insider information.

Aliens. June 8th. June 8th. Right around the corner. It's 10 days before my birthday. Yeah. It's also like 10, 12 days from now or something. Wow.

What are we going to do to prepare? I don't know. I mean, we should probably hit them up. What do we need to do? That's really like surface level information. Well, no, it's very valuable information. I know, but it's also like they're coming. Okay.

Where? What city? Should we tell Elon Musk? Yeah. Because he's building planes that go to Mars and stuff. That's true. Spaceships. Maybe Elon has something to do with this.

Good point. Good looking out. Wow. I mean. I knew you boys would like this. It's a weight lift or getting pumped. He's pumping himself up. Okay.

I was like, are we going to see the lift? No, that's just it, huh? You're just getting pumped. He's high-fiving. It says you have to live it up top, which is great. Yeah. I just think it's funny. That dude, I'd be afraid of.

Imagine that guy is in your gym. Oh man. Not that guy, but that guy. Yeah, that was intense. Okay, now I'm really pissed off. Uh-oh. Who the fuck do you think you are banning my sister's lives? Really?

Are you that fucking bored that you got to ban her live? Yeah. Really? Hmm. You guys need to get a fucking life. Yeah. And leave her the fuck alone. Bring it on, fuckers.

Bring it on. You fucked with the wrong bitch on the wrong day. I'm not kidding. I don't think you are. Gosh. I'm so serious. God, you guys make me fucking sick. Really?

She looks like she could be a model for the gap. This is it. That's what she's modeling. I mean, this looks like Adam Driver's sister. I don't know. That looks like a gap shirt, and this might be a gap ad. No. Well, and also, who is this message to?

So, it's TikTok that has banned her sister from doing lives. Yeah. So, is she addressing the TikTok administration? So, there's TikTok lives? Yeah, you can go live on the talk. Really? And, you know, I guess TikTok pulls people's things down a lot. Leads your account randomly.

Instagram's the worst, because it's Facebook, basically, you know. Yeah. Well, this is the talk. Who owns TikTok now? Does Instagram own them? I don't know. I don't know who owns it. Is the Chinese still?

Oh. Didn't they sell it, though? Yeah, I thought so. No? They did. I remember Trump put the fucking push on them. Okay. It was valued at $180 billion.

Damn. That's a lot of money. TikTok to sale to Oracle. I like how it's, yeah. Wow. So, anyway, they do ban people frequently, and this woman is obviously very upset that her sister was banned from doing her lives. Yeah.

And she's going to kick TikTok's ass. I see that. Yeah. You make me fucking sick. You like that? Yeah, I like that a lot. I like her. She has no teeth.

Yeah. Yo, it's 420. Shut up to the weed smokers, motherfucker. Fuck. Smoke that weed, baby. It's fucking 420. Yeah. Smoke that weed, motherfucker.

Yeah. Fucking 420, baby. Fuck, baby. Fuck. Yeah, it's a little late. That was for you. Yeah. Why put that for you?

I did have my thing with 420. And he was really member of the weekend. It's the weekend. Yeah. Sunday. You can go church. Fuck yeah. So now this is a smoking pot.

It really hits those letters hard when he says it. Fuck. Yeah. If you really. Well, it's contagious. His enthusiasm. Yeah, it is. It is.

I don't know. You know. It's really good. Good job. Thank you. It's really good. I'm a pro dating coach. In this hotel, who does and who does not find you attractive?

By the way, does it hug you? So first of all, when somebody does not find you attractive, they will do this. So when you're hugging them and the hug needs to come to an end, they will give you something called the pity pack on your back. So they will pat your back like this. That is such a bad sign because when somebody does give you the pity pack, it means get off me. This is getting awkward.

I do not want to hug you anymore and I do not find you attractive. So if you ever feel somebody giving you the pity pack, stop hugging them because it is a very bad sign. But if somebody finds you attractive, they do this. So when you're hugging them and that hug needs to come to an end, they slowly bring their hand down your body and slowly put it off. This is because they want to maintain physical contact with you for as long as possible. So if you ever feel somebody doing this, it means they find you attractive.

You know who gives me the pity pack? Who? You. I remember I used to make fun of you for it. I would hug him and then he'd be like, okay, and hug done. Remember? I brought this up last night with you. I haven't done that in a long time.

You used to do it a lot when we first started being together, hugging, and then, okay, bye-bye now. Like your dad. I think that's your dad's affection, isn't it? Kind of, yeah. Yeah. So you give me the pity pack. I don't do it anymore.

Not since your cuddling session. Did she teach you not to do that? Oh my God, she taught me so much. Oh, stop. No, but you do do the pity pack a lot. I think you do it to everybody you hug. The pity pack? Uh-huh.

No, I do it to family. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Do you just want to be done with the hugging or with them? I don't know. I haven't really thought about it. Yeah.

I definitely hug strangers more endearingly than I hug my family. But I've changed. Much better hugger. Yeah. Now that you've been formally educated. Yeah. Much better. You were a horrible.

Oh, the pat, how quickly does the pat come? I mean, when I was like, we first got married, I remember I was like, hey babe, like I'd hug him in the kitchen, like, one, two, three, four, okay, okay, like four seconds. Okay. Let me know. I'm like, that's it. I remember I would bust your balls. You did.

You did. I'd be like, that's it, huh? Don't give me that dog pat. I like that good boy. Yeah. All right, good boy. Okay. Bye-bye now.

Okay. Scram. I'm your wife. You don't pity pat me though, but you find me attractive, right? I do find you attractive. It's just too much contact. Yeah. Was it too intimate?

Yeah. Too much. All right. Do it with these feelings. Yeah. Get off of me. Yeah. Right?

Yeah. That's interesting. So now in retrospect, you'd always blamed your lack of affection cuddling on being hot. I'm hot. I'm hot. Tom's hot. Tom's hot.

Is it that you just don't want the intimacy? Yeah. Yeah. I think so. But I'm getting better. Much better, especially since you broke your arm and your leg and you're not able to move away as quickly. That's true.

And I come to you for a love and you're like, you can't get away. I'm overall just sweeter since my accident. I know. It's kind of been a good thing for you. I hate to say it. Yeah. You've sweetened up a lot. You've had some epiphanies.

Mm-hmm. It's just grounded you more. Yeah. You should do this every year. Okay. Every five years? No, thanks. Oh, God.

This is weird. Okay. Okay. I'm Britney. It's Britney Spears. Okay. I'm okay. I'm just letting you all know I'm okay.

Another gap model, huh? It's a free Britney. And I would talk about this normally. I can't over here. It's a free Britney. Okay. I'm okay. Another gap model, huh?

It's a free Britney. And I would talk about this normally. I can't over here. It's raining in the background. Okay. Can we get that back to this one? She can astral project Marilyn Monroe, Britney Spears, Michael Jackson. I mean, I guess you guys aren't interested in hearing what celebrities have to say.

Yeah. Yeah. It's weird that she's channeled. Yes, the job. Because she can channel their spirits and even their lives. Yeah. She can astral. Only a fucking idiot would not know that.

Dum-dum. God. How do you not know that? Get Catholic. You know that. That's true. Do you ever look at a full lady and think she's cute? Never?

Ever, ever? Why? Oh, really? She's cute. I like him. Yeah. That was awesome. Well, and also, at first I was like, geez, but then I was like, nobody looks at old

men either and thinks they're cute. Right. No, sometimes. But they go, he's cute. What a sweet old man. Yeah. But you don't want to fuck him unless you're him. No, I know.

I'm saying. But they do say, oh, he's like a nice old man. Cute. Yeah, they'll say he's cute. But I think, yeah. But it's kind of, I think about that, what if you're old as fuck, like him, he's super old. And he's just like, miserable.

I think you are at that age, no? Yeah, I know. And then she's like, so are people your age attracted to you? No. Who do you find attractive? People 40 years younger than me. Jesus. You have to go on those websites and have older man, younger woman sex.

Yeah. You have to get into porn to get late, basically, right? Pretty cool. At that age. Which is like, that's the time to do it, I think. For sure. Like, if I'm going to do porn, it's going to be in my late 70s. For sure.

You're on the way out anyways. Your kids are grown. And then like, I'll put the porn out and then people will watch it and then those people's their grandparents will be like, you know, he was a comedian I used to see. What? Yeah. He's doing what now? Yeah.

Yeah, pretty cool. My girlfriend thinks I'm a poser and I'm not a poser. I am a real emo. Emo is who I am. Yeah. I just like that. That one really spoke to you. Yeah.

Because I could have so fucking seen myself making this as a teenager, but switch the word goth for emo. Like to be called a poser goth or a poser emo is like, it's like being called a false fucking blood. Oh, man. That's very, very upset. I am not. I'm so wounded.

Yeah. I'm not a false blood dude. Like, I'm not a fucking weekender, dude. Like I ride goth air day. You goths don't want no wreck. Yeah. How dare you? I'm about that fucking life.

I would be so mad if someone dared to call me a fucking poser. Well, he's very upset. Yeah. He's very upset. That's why I liked it. Yeah. Hello, everybody. Today is Tuesday.

It's really nice out here. I went back to work like I told you and I'd be getting off pretty soon at 1.30 to go home and cook dinner. I'd like to be risked, but I know I got to cook dinner, but I'll talk to you later. Okay. Captain Marcel. Captain Marcel. She's back.

Yeah. Been a long time. So she's been experimenting in her talks more with music and such, so in duetting people with musical things, so, you know, but she hasn't been talking so much directly to the camera. So this was a rare find for Captain Marcel. Yeah. Hello.

This is Captain Marcel. My sister went down. In the mountain. They say my sister. Tell everybody I'll be back. I need to back up. I'll see you later. Bye.

Gotta go to say my sister. Bye. Yeah, say my sister. This is Captain Marcel. Bye-bye. Now, this is the talk that Danny Brown got hooked on. Yeah. This is the one he credits for getting sucked into.

And there's our own Captain Marcel right there. There she is. Yeah. Lean on the couch. Hey, Captain Marcel. Did you get your sister? Cool. Yeah.

I just like the subtitles when they subtitle them. Badly. Grape. Grape. I'll never chase a man. But if he has a beard and tattoos, a bitch might just power walk. I'm halfway there. Yeah.

I got a beard. Could have had her. Could have got some ink this weekend. Yeah. This is one of those jokes that floats around and then, you know, like all the people do them. A bitch might power walk. It's so horrible.

Yeah. It's like a ready-made joke. You think I could get her? Yeah. Are you kidding me? God, she would love you. She would eat your scrum. No problem.

First date? First date scrum. Dude, you wouldn't even have to take her out. You could just show up at her house and lift your leg up on her sink. Oh, man. Pull your pants down. Put your leg up and go eat it. And she'd be like, thank you for being here.

I'm so turned on. Look at my boyfriend, Marsha Go. Look at him kicking. Oh, yeah. Look at him go. Look at him kicking. Oh, wow. He is the best kicking, like, awesome and magnificent.

Just look at him go. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah. Look at him go. Look at him go. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Look at him go. Is that Kung Fu? I think he's a black belt. I'm just saying. It looks like he studies martial arts. It's pretty good. Yeah.

He's wearing those shorts at the right height, too. Just like those ads you got. Those high jeans. Yeah. What? I think it's great that he's athletic. Those look like that. It's a really cool display of his talent.

He did. I know. Good for him. He's athletic. Oh, boy. What? That's a real hot shaker for me. I think it's funny.

What's going on there, bud? Yeah, it's a rabbi joke. It looks like they're just respecting their elders over there. I don't think anyone can understand what that guy just said. You didn't make any of it out? I don't think so. I mean, that's not like just the same sound on repeat. These guys are all in on it, right?

These are orthodox. Yeah. They live in the life. Yeah. It's just like, listen to the oldest guy, and then as soon as he goes, then it's our turn. Wow. Yeah. And even in the background, they've got the menorah out all year long?

Well, yeah. There's a menorah that you do every week, and there's a hanakia that you do once a year on Hanukkah. Oh. With the menorah, you can do it every week. It has one less. Hanukkah has eight branches, like eight candles, and then one to light it, and then a menorah has one less than that.

Seven. Seven. Wow. And you just light it? Mm-hmm. Does that have any significance, or is it just a new day? It's just nice. Okay.

I don't know about the straight-up significance. You do this every week at home? Yeah, because I practice tradition, and I am a good Jay. Such a terrible Jay. Well, I was hoping you could translate the joke. I was wondering what a good rabbi joke. I mean, you could try and play it again. I'll see if anything clicks.

I think they started a prayer, and then they wanted the old guy like, oh, you want to take it on, and then he just kind of starts muttering, and then they're like, he can't do it. He can't do it. That's all I'm reading. He's so fucking old. Oh, sad. Yeah. And they listened to that guy?

Yeah. Well, they should stop listening to him immediately. I'm going to get to the very last bit of this here, and he's going to pass, and he's going to be like, oh, it should have been Catholic. All right, let's see this next. Okay. It's here. Oh, man.

Why are you doing this? I don't know why. What's happening? I don't know why he did that, but that has to hurt so bad. Oh, man. It's here. Good thing is to do it right away. Good thing is to do it right away.

Soon as there's no light, he's like, just right away. He's like, pull that back. His scream is pretty good. Yeah, they cut it there? They just cut it, huh? How do they not let these play out? It's TikTok, man. That's the beauty of it.

You want to know the whole story, but you can't. All sales are final. All sales are smart and final. That's why it's the talk, dude. It doesn't make fucking sense. That's why it works, dude. Yeah. All right.

Well, thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. Store.ymhstudios.com for the merch. Christina P. Online for her tickets. TomCigaro.com for mine. We hope to see you out there. We're so excited that we get to do some dates again. So fun.

It's been great. And yeah, thank you very much for watching and listening. We'll see you next week. This is What A Pig by Clarity Beats. I have no problem swallowing. Okay. You come. You come.

Let me see. Let me see how much you come. Let me see all that stuff. Okay. Well, you just let me have it right now. I need it. I need it right now. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, I can feel it. Mmm. Oh, oh. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I can feel it. Mmm.

Oh, I can feel it. Mmm. Yeah. Got things to do today, so I'm going to sit around all day sitting on this Tit cups. There's one and two cups. And there's the other one. What a pig Norm Summerton is. I am a pig.

I love my titties.