Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 606 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: June 2, 2021

SPONSORS: - Go to https://saatva.com/theshit for $200 off your order. - Download the 5 star-rated puzzle game, Best Fiends FREE today on the App Store or Google Play. - Get 25% off and zero delivery fees on your first order of $15 or more when you download the DoorDash app and enter code YMH. - Go to https://brooklinen.com and use promo code HOUSE to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100. - Go to https://getquip.com/MOM to get a FREE plastic dispenser with any refill plan. - Try BlueChew FREE when you go to https://bluechew.com and use our promo code MOM at checkout (just pay $5 shipping). LIVE LIFE 365!! This week, Tom Segura and Christina P discuss their move to Austin, Texas, the YMH Live show in West Palm Beach, Florida, getting excited by nature, eating scrum, and shaving pubic hair. They watch videos of a woman crashing her car while on Instagram Live, a cool guy explaining why Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is hot, Kevin Samuels being brutally honest with a larger woman, a pan flute "dad boner," YMH All-Star Robert Paul Champagne's new TikTok video, a prank call by Fart Simpson featuring Unkle Shine and more! Tom also shares a video of his mom, Charo, dancing drunk, as well as the cool heat storm he witnessed in Florida.

I don't have that so he's making a point like I don't have guns because I can't have guns Wow violation of my probation. How'd you hear that? Do you agree with my analysis? Sure. Like I said, I speak stupid real well Yeah, oh, but shallows We're here we're there. I really love the name of your new tour the I'm coming everywhere world It was a that's very inspiring. I just had a really fun experience I knew this was gonna happen I put it in the the email that went out and the post is called I'm coming everywhere and you announce a tour in you know legs of the tour

So I was like, here's the first one for like and everyone's like you're not coming everywhere. What about Chicago? I'm like, yeah, that's on the like that's on the you don't announce a tour and go. Here's 24 months of dates right well people don't know that you know what though I think you're so angry because you haven't come everywhere in a few days I know I it's we're I want to reach out to each person that said that and tell them how stupid they are You know, you know what? It's been over 72 hours since your last bagac and I sense it You know what's neat though is how you're wearing your ear your buds today I like the wires that you look like an a space alien. Oh really?

These are bright near. Yeah, these are the new ones the last week go blue out. That looks cooler It does. You know what? I'm gonna milk your D tonight and you're gonna forget all about these silly comments What oh that's such a good drop That's so good Let's make some videos. I want to see them. I want to laugh. I want to laugh. Yeah, he says. Yeah, let me see your boobs I want to laugh Oh, that makes me want to laugh. When you see boobs or like Oh that girl's tits are out

Makes my dick all Laffy funny. Yeah My dick laughs whenever I see boobs. Laffy taffy come out of my dick. Yep Take that lefty taffy. There's so much to do. There's so much to go over. So many things happening in our world Yeah, goodness gracious Open the show real proper like yeah, yeah, you sure this yeah dog volume is up dog here Here you go

It's get out the way. I'm gonna show you how to turn up on your motherfucking birthday bitch They're not just got an accident. I gotta keep going. I'm gonna call y'all a fuck back I got to go I got to go. Oh whatever cuz I'm not stopping Oh Bring anyone loving to this I I Really hope you guys were switching on his face during the song because you guys got to witness full tom and her dialogue

Did you see it? That's why I was like Because he went you went Yeah, because you know what it was about the comments. I was so mad at those people still It is it's it's aggravating because you think like you you have common sense, right? Like you know that this won't be that all the tour dates like you don't even know it says it in the thing It says it in the nm. Yeah, people don't read. I know that's what I wrote in the So I had an email blast that goes out that like says it and I goes and now I'll prepare myself for all the responses What about this city like those are coming doesn't matter people do that all every single time you post

They also have a thing where you go, you know, you'll play houston You do a fucking like eight shows and that next week people will be like, how can we never come to houston? They're like, I'm your biggest fan. You're like, no, you're not. No, you're not. I was just in houston You stupid bitch you telling that so dipshit. Yeah, how about this bitch though? She got in a car accident I know there's so many things happening in this video. Number one. I've seen a lot of women in the Airport wearing these headbags What is this? I don't know what that is. It's like you cover your hair. I think it's nice. Is it berber? It could be berber berber

Um, I see a lot of women wearing these out now in the airport. I'm gonna go ahead and go way out on a limb And tell you that I don't think she would have been an accident if she had mounted her phone up here as opposed to down on the ground Yeah, yeah, she literally is driving and talking. I know at the ground. I do like her taste in glasses though She's very stylish and she's got charisma Yeah, I think she's funny her fucking airbag goes off and she's just like I gotta keep going y'all I know but then she keeps driving too, which is the other issue Point of personal privilege. I think you're supposed to stop When you get into an accident and then exchange information with other people

What? What? Got it That was wild video wild that is something man, you know, that's a lot of laws you're breaking now I mean and I'll tell you this this is she has all the makings of a honestly a strong performer I mean, you know, like as as people that perform sometimes, you know a glass break someone falls down Oh, that's right unexpected and to keep going. She was like I got in a fucking car accident And I'm still she was still performing to the camera Friday late show a guy just vomited and you got to keep telling your jokes

It's pretty great and she did that. You're right. That is a strong performer. I thought you meant doing a porn Well, why would I mean that? So a strong performer, but I mean, well, she says that's why I was curious about Yoshi goes there's a strong performer What and then there's a strong performer That's his accent. That's how he talks. Oh, how's it? Oh, sorry. So if I talk about Yoshi, I should go He's a strong performer and then you guys would know that's Yoshi Is this really is this what we're gonna do guys? Are we are we canceling? We're gonna canceling

Fucking squares. No, we're not canceling. Don't you turn on me. This is a safe space Don't you make studio jeans like that? I'm not. Yoshi does say Strong performer. How does he say it though? Yoshi and Yoshi would not be offended if I did the accent. He would not be all people the coolest. He is he would say She's a very strong performer. Say it like Yoshi. Fuck. Say it like Yoshi. Don't do this You're such you're not doing this. Okay She's very strong performer Little bit. Yeah, that is not how he talks do it like Yoshi

Strong performer That's not his accent. I don't I'm doing all the accents. I know I don't I'm trying to get it right. Do australian now This is a very it's a very strong performer. That's italian. Oh, do australian. I said mate. Oh mate I don't I don't know how to do australian. Yes, you did it like a few episodes ago. No, that wasn't australian What are we doing? Oh, I thought it was. No, I was trying to do australian. I didn't nail australian though Um, you say it's a strong performer mate. There you go. All right Okay, there you go. You did it. I did it mate. Yeah, you did it But then do Yoshi. Yoshi. Yoshi. He's a strong performer

He's a strong performer Yeah Performer Second Very strong performer There you go. That was Yoshi Right do it again. Strong performer. Yeah, that sounds more like him. Yeah, I miss him. Yeah, there you go I went to Atlanta to see my friend

No, I don't have a big dick. I got nothing I've been following you. I ain't to ask. I ain't to post anything. I don't have a big dick. Yeah He's I miss him. I miss him. I see him posting on the gram. He's everywhere. Yeah, he's like in Florida He's in Dubai. He's doing no Pierce Paris was in Dubai. Oh, you're confusing your performers. Yeah, my strong performer Pierce Paris what a talent once again I mean out of the park grand slam so funny the cold open for the the the live from palm beach What a way to start a show especially with a live audience to see them all Like seeing it and laughing their asses off as he put things in his ass

Yeah, he's so he's so funny. That was cool that you just burped in uh, it happens. It happens. This is life Did I snore last night? Um, not that I didn't notice. Oh good. Okay. Yeah, I really like watching his work and um It was funny to watch people laugh at our sketches too because you don't know what what hits It's awesome. It's good to know that. Yeah that one killed. It was really fun fun to watch like people laughing at it You know, yeah, yeah, because when you play them here, it's still fun, but you don't know You don't know the reaction is now. Did you wear your denim jacket today because you are now in austinite? Um, no, I just I just like the jacket. Yeah

So we're officially Texans now we are texans officially. Yeah, but we're in california right now Yeah, I know and why is that? Um, because I like it like that. No, uh, It's just things it's just like building a house. We're building a studio. We got started on the studio Uh, I don't know. We found the place like last november and you know Then by like, I think january february. I was like, this is it. This is what we want to do and I I thought everything was just like Rolling along. Yeah, whoops. Yeah, then you're like, hey, where are we on that? And they're like on what you're like on the thing

We're building And they're like, oh, yeah, we let them know and you're like, wait a minute. Are we not doing this? And they're like, well, there's this Legal and then there's you know the the contractors and you got to get permits. So it just gets kicked down Well, yeah, and that whole covid pandemic slowed production down and then you broke yourself in half That didn't help matters. Yeah, you know, we're taking our time And we're just gonna do it as we do it and I have to say I mean, what are your initial impressions of of living in austin?

Shouldn't we talk about? Well, yeah, I mean, it's been very brief but so far I I mean It's a way slower pace Yeah, I feel like there's like room to breathe you feel less like you're not saying a little bit You feel less congested and like, you know less kind of Definitely So like it's just easy

It feels yeah, I feel like I have room people are I mean the few days that I was there much friendlier Sure Sure, I think so. You know what though, I'll tell you real talk. Yeah when we Oh god when we pulled in we were driving in from the horrible to watch. Yeah through the airport I had a moment of real panic You did I did and I I was you know, we were at the kids were in the car We were listening to the that kumbia song and it was like fun and then I had this moment of like, oh my god What have we done?

Like everything's all green There's a lot. There's no traffic. There's no weirdos. Like, I don't know if I can do this like I'm a city cockroach Yeah to my core like I have never All right, you and I Nadav are like eight one eight till we die. Can I tell you what I think it's gonna happen? Can I tell you what's gonna happen? I think we're gonna move back here in like 16 months. Stop it Stop that Yeah

No, don't do that Don't you jinx me. We're not doing that. Okay, but then let me tell you my other thought. I had okay I had panic and then 24 hours later I was like, oh, it's so nice here and then I took the kids to eat barbecue and we ate in a beautiful It's on the water Yeah, and then we fed turtles and we fed fish carp after And I I dad bonered I sent it that video I dad bonered out so hard. I was like, oh my god, dude Those are fish and you can just feed them. That's pretty rad and I realized I've never

experienced Like a real moment of nature of like I can feed a turtle that just that doesn't live in a mall Yeah, there's there's turtles here, but you have to go to the that was small. Yeah, and this is that was cool to like I'm just saying I probably should have gone out into nature a bit more because I think I enjoy that Yeah, very much But there's also city life there too, which I like a lot too It often offers a lot and it's like It's great. I think it's great so far. I like it. Yeah, I'm excited

I mean, I also feel like I can't say that much just because I haven't experienced that much Do not say we're coming back in 16. No, that's true. No, we're not we're not but I could see it Don't you fucking say that maybe like two and a half. No Never Okay Our kids have to have a life babe. We can't keep doing this. They're just like they're dead. They don't plant roots You know, he's kind of oh my god. You're so wild party, you know They're gonna party with me. I'm gonna travel the world

With your new wife your second wife. That'd be awesome. Yeah, but I want you to be friends with her I don't want it to be like weird You gotta be cool with her last night I had a dream that I had that you and I broke up And I had a romance with another comedian and I'm not gonna say who that comedian is But it was real and I bought a wedding dress even and I was like all this guy's gonna Proposed to me and then I called you and I was like babe. I didn't say babe because we were broken up I still talked to you. You're like, you shouldn't date that guy. He's trouble

Yeah, he's um he's notable person and uh He's been in trouble Which was a weird Subconscious or whenever unconscious it was an interesting trip. He told me I was like, hey, all right. It was really sweet in the dream though. Yeah Yeah I'll look look I'll I'll be cool to you guys if you guys

If I decide to go forward with this, I think he's got a life already though, you know, he's got a family and stuff He probably wants do you feel any pangs of jealousy when I say that stuff? Yeah. Yeah It's too bad I want to see where you guys go You are unbelievable. I'll tell you I feel uh, I feel the way this guy feels AOC is hot Cause she likes to smoke meth And suck cock

Now there's a cool guy I like that guy. Yeah, AOC is hot. I didn't know she likes to smoke meth. That's what he said. I was like Is that a known thing? I did not know that but Everybody likes her because she's pretty cool. Yeah, everybody likes her. That's for sure If there's one thing about AOC is that everybody likes her. She's not polarizing AOC is hot Do you think she does smoke meth you think she's ever smoked meth? I have never heard that

But I mean heard that about her. I know she waited tables. There's no way this guy could be wrong about that No way. There's no way this guy has that wrong. She likes to smoke meth When did they meet? Uh, probably at a meth smoking thing A meth smoking convention. Yeah Suck cock That I believe that I believe she sucks cock. She's straight. Well, she's a straight woman says gender. She's a straight latin x Woman x woman. Yeah, I think says wait. Hold on. What's her category? Wait. She's she's a biracial I don't know if she's biracial. She's what what's her background? Okay. Yeah, Cortez. I think she's a latin x says gendered

I think Wow A child of immigrants. We have to we have to write down. Hey, I'm Puerto Rican Her mother was born in Puerto Rico her father Let's see. Yeah, born in Puerto Rico. Okay. All right. When you're Puerto Rican, you're just Puerto Rican When you're Puerto Rican, you're just Puerto Rican. She's Puerto Rican. Is she proud of it? You think? She thinks she's proud of herself? The way that Rosie Perez would talk about it. Well, you're Puerto Rican. You just Puerto Rican When you're Puerto Rican, you're Puerto Rican. Those Puerto Ricans are so proud so proud to be Puerto Rican

You know Puerto Ricans, they're just you know different, you know You know what I mean But they really do have I mean am I out of totally Out of left field maybe here, but I feel as though they really Take a lot of pride in being from Puerto Rico because they have the the pride Oh, for sure the Puerto Rican pride more so than other Cultures, no

Like is there is there an Italian parade? Well, yeah, yeah, and they're super proud too. Italians are super proud Yeah, a lot of people are you know for no reason proud their ethnicity I agree. So strange. I feel especially my background. We're like this I mean, I said I like okay. I said it in a in a in a Like us on a special like in an act, but it was like it's like being proud of being tall Yeah, you know, it's like you were just born. I know you didn't do anything nothing And also, what are you so proud of like hey, we make the cabbage dish

Like nobody else the pizza is the deepest dish. You're like who cares. Yeah, it's not like you but then again now, however Maybe there are things to be proud of like if they were like we cured cancer. We're the British Yeah, I mean, I guess yeah, if you if you then I'd be like that's for sure something be very proud Or I understand it too if you're very proud of your ethnicity As a group that's super oppressed Then it makes sense because you're saying that like while everyone shuns us. I'm actually proud

Oh, despite being low, right, you know, like Tom Segura like the gypsy community I would have used a different series of words, but you know Yeah, like you're Native American for instance every every, you know, it came in wiped you out You're kind of you know marginalized. There you go. And so it's like to be like no, I'm proud of that. It makes sense But if you're like, yeah, I mean we're Italian or I'm Greek and I'm proud. Well, sure. Okay, man Nobody hates you that much. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. What's the So, why are you so proud of that? Everyone's on board with you already. I'm just proud man. Yeah

Okay, we have good food and I'm proud of it. All right, but that's what I'm saying. What exactly are like However, the Greeks like they could be like we're the cradle of western civilization We invented philosophy Aristotle, then you're like, okay, that's what's up. Yeah algebra Uh, that's the Arabs, right? The Arabs. Sorry, you're right. Yeah, that's the Arabs. Yeah, but like Then I and then you know what I mean like feta cheese then it stops after You're saying that's where the philosophy that's where the Greeks stop right Suvlaki. We got spinach pie Like that's what you're I think we're gonna probably hear from a few Greek listeners after this one After you go like you just have these two things. I'm trying to think about what are the great Greek

Well, I'm sure we could look it up, right? Should I I mean, I don't think it would take much to find out No, I'm not I'm famous Greek food. Look up. We're looking Greek food achievements Yeah, like what what have Greek people contributed to society? Like my dad always famous Greek All right, let's see Uh, the watermelon milk. That's good the odometer. Damn the alarm clock damn Hytography the olympics. Oh the olympics. They did it naked though. They had the right idea the basis of geometry

You're right geometry. Okay, so I did earliest practice of medicine. Wow. Hey, so these Greeks are no joke. Hey, man They've really did some And you're like, what are they proud of these fuckers doing they were tolerant Yeah, but here's the thing here's the thing the greco-german world if you're Greek you didn't do any of that shit Yeah, you didn't you didn't do any of that. You don't even know anybody that did any of that shit Don't be like, ah, we did it. No, I know they did it. It's still them And not only that all these are old-ass achievements. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, what have you done for me lately, Greece? Pitas you guys invented fucking shormas. You can be proud of that. Those are good. Those are tasty. Those are really good

I think certain people shouldn't be allowed to be as proud as they are is what I'm saying Like the Greeks can be proud now. I take it back. What is this going down to bad slope? I will throw okay. Well, I'll just shut the fuck up right now We should be able to rank how proud you can be Based on your cultural your culture's achievement It's gotta be the pride that you want to see from a group Has a direct correlation in how little they're celebrated then you want to then that's okay. I'll take that like my mother's Peruvian Nobody boasts about Peru

So it's like if she were to say or a Peruvian person goes, you know, like we are actually, you know, this Gastro destination we have like these amazing You let them say that yeah, because you're like well, they're not like They're not on the world stage. You know what I mean? So you go like, yeah, but if like, yeah, if a french person's like, what about our food? Everyone talks about your fucking food. Yeah, you're already on top baller. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, it's like a billionaire bragging You know, cut you see. I'm of the opposite mind I'm on the hateful of side of that like, oh, that's your culture. You shouldn't you shut the fuck. Oh, I got you You're not allowed to say like I'm good. So you're saying we only want to hear from the from the top 10. Yeah. Yeah, that's cool

Just saying there's somebody's lifting people up Somebody's just punching down. Okay. All right. You know who I love This guy you guys you turn me on this guy. Kevin samuels. I'm five three That's none of your business. I told you I was fat. Okay. We don't play that shit on my channel You get your big fat ass on somewhere then I don't deal you big sassy ass broads. Yeah You just so you got in him now Also, it's one of those things this changed this evolved with time and technology is the idea of digesting

certain types of content in just little snippets and me find like discovering this guy On tiktok and the instagram like where it's just like these little moments where he's like get the fuck out of here You fat bitch Or like some lady he's like he like will break down. He'll be like he's like men want a woman who is fit FIT Fit you are not fit Top tier men do not desire you Like he just straight up and and then he'll also be like, okay. Well, let's do the math. How many kids do you have?

Yeah, oh, yeah, and she'll be like I got four kids By look three different dudes and he's like, okay, no man wants to have your full kids by two different dudes So now that brings your value down to a two. He's so like it is it's clear cut Yeah, it makes sense and also like everybody loves a degree of just honest talk. Yeah, yeah Like he's this woman was like talking about, you know, I've achieved this I've achieved that he's like and what do you look like? He's like no one's trying to marry your achievements So true, right Tom? That's what you think you can get out here and be like danny's big ass go knock yourself out But I would be remiss to try to tell you as an image consultant and as a person and a professional

And you can be five three and weigh so much that you don't even want to tell somebody how much you weigh And think you don't get a man to marry you A high value man So you go ahead and go back over and get your two piece or three piece or whatever you got coming from Chick-fil-a or Popeyes Yeah, carry your ass on over I love them. Yeah He's great and he looks great. Hey, he's he looks good. Yeah. So he can talk some shit on

People always he dresses sharp and just this beginning though. I'm five three. How much do you weigh? That's none of your business. I told you I was fat. Okay, we don't play that shit on my channel You get your big fat ass on somewhere I don't deal you big sassy ass bra It is so good And you know what? I like his his game is a little bit like tom lake is it's a similar idea where he breaks down These women and they like why would you call him just to have him insult you and then they do It's great. She knows she knows what's coming

She knows what's coming. Yeah, it's pretty fucking amazing. Oh, that's fantastic. Yeah Yeah Good times speaking of and this is the opposite. This is a different kind of guy My name is Justin and I'm looking for gal who would consent for me to having intercourse with them So if you know a gal let me know because I'm down for a really good time I'm looking for a gal. Would you I'm looking for a girl friends Um consent hold on. Let me think

I don't know what's on his face there. What that is. It's a growth. It's just like a thing. Yeah, he's actually cute I don't like that. He's so squishy and amorphous kind of Little too much beta energy for me condoms stop from getting std's Oh, I like that condoms stop getting girls pregnant. There you go. It's true. So I'm looking for a gal to have safe sex with me If you know any gal that is happy to have sex with me Make sure you let me know I mean, look, you could do it. If you wears the condom, you're not going to get an std

It's likely that you won't get pregnant Which is probably good to avoid now because of your age You're going to have a perma drooler if you do get pregnant. So I think that This is a good option Well, here's the problem is that I think he's already a drooler

so It's like making like it goes back to the old debate we've had on the show Was jenny a piece of shit for taking advantage of for us like did she essentially rape Uh a tiktok a tiktok Yeah, I feel like would I be taking advantage of a tiktok? I got AIDS too jenny Yeah Yeah, she could have given forest AIDS. That was so rude Yeah, because I'm happy to do you 50 grand to the shade on you gal

I'm looking for a naughty slut. I'm looking for a sexy babe Let me lucky Oh I like this hand tat This kind of shifted for me. Mm-hmm. It went I was like, oh, this is like a real innocent virgin type and then in this last clip I was like, oh, no This is a really unstable aggressive possibly violent sex offender

Yeah, he shifted at the end. It definitely shifted. Yeah, he showed us his true colors I would like they condom used and then he's like I'll choke you out girl. I'm looking for a good choke. Oh Yeah, it was like There's a there's a shift in his face behavior voice look at that that's a scary expression. Yeah, I don't like that at all Then we see the neck tat the hand tat Geez, and then he was like and then he went from like a girl to have intercourse. He was like, I want a naughty slut

Which I think you should have led with be honest. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, if you're if you're putting out this type of Request, then you you are looking for a slut. You're not looking for a girl a girl Yeah, that's true because that other guy who was looking for he's a look at for gill friend Yeah, you want to go to the movies and hold hands and he did put that out there This guy wants to choke slam you sure and he you're right. He should have in terms of presentation It should have come up front. Yeah And then then those whores would be like, oh, yeah, I'm a whore. I'm listening. I heard you call my name. Yeah Got my slides on I'm ready

host slides Why am I host slides coming soon? I love mine. I've been wearing them every day. Yeah And by the way, I'd like to bring up a point that It's very disturbing Rob Eiler texted me out of the blue a few days ago and he goes You know, it's time that you ate Tom scrum And I was like, what do you do to enough like I'm I'm over this I don't want to talk about this

Such a great guy and then he says to me He goes, you know, by the way Christina that All girls now eat scrum like on the apps these These women now like scrum is just on The menu. It's not a sometimes treat. It's not a dessert. It's part of the normal repertoire. It's not a happy anniversary It's Part of the routine. Yeah, I'm hearing this from a lot of folks too. I have friends of mine

They were like, yeah, that happens to me like pretty much every week. Who's who single men are married? Um Mostly single, but yeah, a couple married people too. Stop it. Yes people. We know normal Nice girls Good girls like me. Yeah, they want to take care of their loved one. Yeah, Lee and Christ is not eating birds ass That's not what I'm talking about. He's extra gross. Yeah. Yeah. She's a southern lady. That's what I'm talking about I'm talking about

Yeah, there's I don't want to say their names on the air but write it down listen It happens and it can happen to us and it should happen to really So boys in the booth Yes Is this true that women now on the apps are just offering an ass eating Just standard standard procedure I mean like I'm not I haven't seen it in any like bios or profiles or anything

But it just happens. Yeah, it just kind of it just kind of happens Like it used to be where it's like, uh, how do I ask for this thing and now it's just kind of offered this wild Is this because of porn and like that's in porn? Yeah And then Zolo you're a young in is this what you're experiencing too? I have not had it happen yet, but uh, I'm looking forward to the day You're looking for a girl. I'm looking for gal to eat my scrum. What's gonna be we're gonna see Zolo up here next I'm looking for a girl To eat my scrum. Yeah

Well, okay, so and another thing too like How much scrum first of all number one I want that thing Waxed I want it clean. I heard I want you out of the shower and I want your beard shaved I want to see your face for the first time my beard has to be shaved. I haven't seen your face since we got married Basically, but that's that's the exchange. Yeah, so asshole And beard has to be clean. I want a face and a clean asshole. I want you right out of the shower And then how much of a lick are we talking about because that's really like I think your face is just down there for you know Like can we do like a minute?

Doesn't have to be really long And I'm my tongue goes in and around your hole or just Around the whole doesn't have to go in Just around because that's what see what I'm why I'm so reluctant is because I'm seeing this is like a long Thing where I'm going to be down there a long time And my tongue has to be in your b-hole, and I'm going to taste kaka. I don't want to taste kaka. No, what are you doing? You're not going to go in you're going to stay on the outside. What are you talking about? Okay?

That makes a little more sense. Okay So it's around. I'm so not I'm so afraid of this No, you're going to be fine It's not it's not going to be that it's not going to taste like chocolate No, it'll be fully clean and you're not going to go inside. I promise I'm scared though. Don't be scared Don't be scared, and I only have to do it for a but a minute's a long time Yeah, but that's mean that's you know, I mean we want a little payoff here. I don't want it to be three seconds

No, it's a big lick. Yeah big licks and then do I play the trombone at the same time? I think everybody wants to hear it. Yeah So I have to do more. I can't just lick your That's right. I've got to play the trombone. Sure. Then you come up the taint a little ball wait a minute ball Little ball lick and suck and then all the way up top and then we go all the way back down and then all the way back up See that's more than just a scrum lick now. I know but why why can't you do that? That's but you're selling me That's that's a lot of work. Why can't you do some work? That's a lot and then how do I even position you? Are you standing with one leg up on the bed and then I prefer how do I even get into all there's different ways? We can do it. I can spread you like the baby that I can get I can change my dye dye pull my legs up

I can get on all fours. I can stand with one leg up and hold a cheek open, you know They're all appetizing. I know it just depends on what you want Oh There's a how-to right there Yeah, you're gonna do great But here's the thing is that I've known like we've you've jokingly done those Positions. Yeah, it's a joke naked and they don't look good. I'm not gonna lie. Like when you Spread your cheeks and then you bend over and you jokingly like you do that. It's not

Sexy or appealing because it's kind of a joke tend to disagree A lot of people think it's pretty hot Oh my god, this article says the best position for rimming is to have the receiving partner on all fours There we go. I mean, could you imagine anything more disgusting than you on all fours? It's not cute as your partner that hurt my feelings Okay That hurt me

That you said can you imagine anything more disgusting? Than you in a position Well on all fours, it's very feminine It's like I can be on all fours because I'm the receiver of a doggy Right, but I'm the receiver of your mouth chowing on my bunghole So I got on all fours for you. Okay, so hold on. So you're all And then it's one minute you want you'll be happy with one whole minute of licks. I wouldn't know because it's never happened to me So I don't know I'm asking you now like what

Are you asking me like what is Robin? I were discussing like, okay, what are the parameters like how long do I have to be down there? What was a lick we discussed? It's not in the hole. You said I can lick around in the hole How long you're saying one minute total can I do like Of 10 seconds break it up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Of course break it up move it around Yeah, then you know spit and a lot more tongue and then your hands are everywhere Yeah, just been you know, I like a nasty girl Can you be nasty are you a racco? Yes It's okay. It's only smells

It's okay What I like you are nasty Yeah lick my ass Guy you sound just like him. Yes Okay, so it's only but listen so I'm willing to do it if you're saying it's under a minute Yeah, I'll try I'll play the trombone with my hand. You're asking for too much at the top I don't think I'm asking for too much. I think you're really kind of

You know making it a bigger deal than it is But I'm afraid of getting chocolate on my tongue. I don't already taste. I don't want to smell chocolate I don't want to taste there's not going to be any chocolate around We're not going to gape me. Uh Yeah, everything's super closed. There's no you're going to wax it Yes Okay Well, okay, then but you have to let me baby steps like it's got to be at first I get in there

It's an exploratory like meow and then You can't expect me to do like Asshole to taint to balls to shaft to head like we just said and back and one swoop That's like so varsity for someone who's afraid of just the b-hole Can I just tippy toe into it? Just let me eat you Yeah, okay Okay Okay, and also I learned on where my mom's at

Chase O'Donnell came on and she talked about how millennials like basically everybody Younger than me Shaves their whole meow bald Everything's bald down there and they laser. Yeah, so I tried shaving it And how did you like it? Yeah? I mean I always like it I like it in every way it's presented. Yeah I'm one of those guys. Yeah, you're like a normal guy. Yeah, I'm like a heterosexual. Oh, is this a puss? Yeah I'm in

Yeah Because you said to me you go babe. It's like asking which plate I want to eat off of I want to eat off of any plate I don't care. It's all food. It's all food. Yeah. I mean sure was it did I like it? Yeah, did I like it more than when you have hair there? No, I mean Yeah, it wasn't a big thing for you. It wasn't like oh my god. I'm like I actually My preference is actually a little bit of hair. I I agree I like a little bit and may I may I tell you why short short

Freshly shorn and then a landing strip because it adds symmetry to my body. You want vertical stripes A vertical stripe is symmetry and it like it leans me out. I feel like having just like a Bald meow. It's very it's a very infantilizing. Yeah, it doesn't I mean To me personally, it just doesn't it's not particularly exciting But it's not like I would be like, oh my god, you don't have hair. I don't think I can do this right And the guys that do care like that are fucking douchebags Yeah, come on man

Like you're a douchebag if you're like I'm not gonna fuck this girl because she doesn't have a perfect Puss meow that's like shaved or lasered. Let me tell you something. I have seen some absolute Crane wrecks of vaginas and I just got right up in there. Didn't even think twice I mean, I was like this is a card-carrying member of the penicillin society I am not gonna even slow down. Did you smell if you smelled vagines like bad smelling vagines I don't think it. Well, yeah, and not like one where you're like, oh my god, I'm gonna weep not one of those but I've um Yeah, I've had some that are a little you know little earthy or musty. Yeah a little musty a little gamey sure

Happens doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You plow right through absolutely. Cool. Yeah. Yeah, it's most straight guys who are like you They're like, I don't care. Yeah. No, we don't care. Well, this is why I'm wondering if he does care I you know, maybe he's not that straight. That's what I'm thinking. He's totally gay. Yeah, because also I'm wondering why are women giving away? Why are they doing so much? I also feel that Like you most guys are of your mentality like dude, I don't give a shit like so I don't why why are we lasering off our meow hair? and licking scrums like girls you don't have to do that now rob is saying that the competition is steep on the apps Yeah, what are you saying? Why do you mean don't do that? Of course we want people to do that

I don't I think girls are suckers and they should not have to do the ass eating They don't have to do it. No, I think I think what rob's point was was that They might feel the pressure to do that stuff because all the other girls are right on which is what we want them to do So right so but they're being suckers because I'm here to tell you ladies that As a woman who in her mid 40s like we didn't do that shit and they're fine and they love it You don't have to do that. You don't have to fucking it's cool how you solidified yourself as the least popular person ever on the podcast Jesus you think anyone wants you to put that message out there? What the women don't have to lick assholes and yeah, but like laser their pussies, but they're enjoying

Pleasuring who they're with Oh, is that why yeah, I genuinely Thought it was like the pressure like maybe they felt the pressure to do it because all the other girls are doing it Well, that might be an aspect, but don't you think they also like that it's Putting their partner in you a state of euphoria Well, if that is the rather doing it then totes. Yeah, if they're legit doing it for that reason Yeah, well, don't you think that people are doing no not when it comes to younger women? Because sometimes young women do other they think everyone else is doing and as someone that's been a younger woman

I can attest to that like remember for instance in the 90s kissing your girlfriend at a bar Was was like the cool thing to do now was that necessarily for The girl's pleasure or was it to arouse the dudes around them? You know what I mean, so yeah, but the the the second part of that is you go you feel the pressure But it also might lead to in that in that scenario someone finding that they actually enjoy it Of course and then the same thing for this ass-eating thing. It's like, of course Maybe they're doing it because like all my friends are doing it, but then they're like, oh, I enjoy and I enjoy how Pleasurable it is to the person. Yes, of course. Yeah, of course

But then you you know, then you look at like girls gone wild remember that that It's one of the greatest series and you're like, how many of those You know like what how much of that is like a peer thing and how much of that a lot of that was pressure and and well Pressure but also the excitement. This is when even cameras were like Cameras aren't new but the idea of like cameras being around and you can be on a thing that's on tv That was new that was big so people were like you mean that they're gonna see me in commercials and yes Yeah, so I also think it's some of it is informed by pornography like you have a generation

This generation is totally different raised on porn and and so they see eyes on porn in their pocket Yeah, like you can just pull up your phone and if in every scene a guy is getting his ass licked So a girl grows up going like oh, I'm supposed to lick ass So there's probably some of that going on too and like and that brings up the whole point of was I born 20 years too early? And I think so Yes, yeah Yes, I'm just saying there's more than just like The but now you don't really enjoy the ass eating, huh? Not really. I I'm very I'll tell you I'm very

Um phobic of the brown that comes out of there. I'm very I'm there's a reason I think kaka is really funny It's because I'm really weird about it And I think it's kaka's dirty and like probably don't put your mouth in there. You're like, you know what I mean? Like I'm okay with you not messing with that region Because like diarrhea hurts when it comes out. It's all hot and like grody and this is turning me on though It's just not a reason. It's not an erogenous zone for me. I just don't I don't equate my shithole with that because I'm you know bad smells hot things

I kimchi those extra spicy before I got on the plane. It's cool. I don't want to fuck. I shit so much I definitely don't want to do it. That's cool Well, I mean are you hankering for anal like are you like hankering for anal? Yeah Are you just like man, I wish my wife would let me get into that ass No No Yeah, so then No harm no foul

You know I'm saying like we're both fine with it because if you were like, babe, I really want to get in there I'm just jones and for an anal sesh. I'd be like God, okay. I mean I'm terrified, but I'll I'll like I'll try. All right, let's do it. Are you really into it? Yeah, I'd like to try it You're hankering for for anal That's the name of my new tour. It's called I'm hankering for anal Okay This is the gay brotherhood and you are not welcome. No, that's why I need to be here

Thanks, Tom You need jesus, ma'am That's sf, right? This Makes me want to join the nra every time I see Somebody like this person and I hear them speak. I'm like, oh, I get it. Yeah I get it

Go vote for Ted Cruz. I get it Jesus christ, what an insufferable human being she just doesn't like that this guy is Talking about jesus or whatever signing is and she just goes This screams like a toddler. Oh my god, but you know what's really positive about her Is that every a hole that acts like this dress is similar? Yeah, the same uniform. Yeah She'd be a blast at a comedy show. I'll tell you she's the one that's going no That is wrong. No, she's offended four people You shouldn't say that to him and he's like I can speak. I'm good

Right now. Yeah. Yeah, I would say that the the rainbow tie-dye Tights are a giveaway and the hair and the you know the scream. Yeah, what an asshole. Oh my god This is the gay brotherhood and you are not welcome The gay brotherhood Yeah, okay All right. I mean shit. She's she's protective free country, ma'am free country Listen, I would like to give a shout out or just bring up our buddy czar face

Yes, just did another song with ewan burt. Well, he has a new album him and mf doom rest in peace had a an album come out and Um, what is it? What is the name of it? Uh, the track is name to the face. Yeah, but super wet is the name of the album Yeah, and uh, man It's it's all these people saying czar face and It's like this with like a music bed underneath it and yeah, he And it's burt. Well, I know he pulled from when burt and I were talking and and

burt was like czar face um And then he used the moment when I say I go czar face. Yeah means our face and he's like, yeah, it's our face Well, all these people are you know saying the name, but it's um, yeah another honor to be oh my gosh And can I tell you okay? So I've officially become obsessed with czar face now I started like really doing a deep dive on his stuff And um, you know the the odds are against us that album that he did bizarro. Yeah shout out to tom sagura What's up tom sagura? Yeah, and I I love every song and now I work out and I listen to czar face

How great is call me call? Yeah. Yeah, he's like no, I don't want to face time Yeah, I want to face that your text like your fucking hands broke Call me. Call me is like Really a thing and like in this era right because we all just call each other and now you call someone They're like, what are you calling for? But it is a total separation. It's so funny He's like oh and then I like that song when he talks about he's like I live sucka free. What's that one? I'm on the table with me. He's talking about being alone. Oh, I don't know

I can't even fucking remember burrito is great. My favorite is dog dog Yeah, it's it's like he's very humorous too. So funny a lot of like comedy a lot of funny metaphors and lines and is He has really complicated wordplay that he's his samples are so funny He has that couch song where he's and like the opening is like you're gonna love this couch It makes me laugh so hard and I'm always DMing him now 7l on production. That's the fact that he Also just generates so much so prolific. Yeah

Yeah, I'm always I I feel like DMing him every time I'm I listen to his music now and being like you're amazing It's so good. Yeah, it's so funny and clever That's I'm really into it man. Yeah and 7l shout out 7l on production shout out homie But you were listening to a very similar artist to czar face, which is funny You and I are doing a kind of flip here. I'm listening to the the real rap and then I'm a rapper too shout out Shout out to myself. Shout out to myself. Christiaan. What's up girl mom song? You are listening to mariah Carey on the way in Which I would never picture you

Jammin out. We were in the car on the way here and you were just fully like Like doing your your thing. I made a playlist called a path down Mimi's lane and It has all the Mimi hits that I love They're mostly collaborations Oh, yeah, you like the ones with you. I like jz too. She did one with jz. She did with odb. She did one with Jada kiss I think she did one with you love jada kiss. I remember yeah So I I listened to them all weekend driving to my shows and back and it's still going Damn. Oh, so she was your inspiration. Yeah, the whole week

So you spent the weekend with her me and Mimi just drove Right, that's how it's our face and I aren't oh cool. Cool. That's how we we rocked in florida together And then give me a love. Give me a go ahead Wait, let me what do you feel okay? So Because I what where are you when you're head because when you're listening to Mimi? I do see you are you in a good space because these are all jams. So they're like it's yeah, it's uh, it's like It's dance. It's feel good stuff. It's like stuff you would be dancing in a club too So you're in a happy zone very happy when you're putting on your Mimi. I know that you're in a good place. Yeah

Yeah, it's a good because you know when you go into shows till you want to be in like that I like to be in that upbeat mindset same. Yeah to do a show. I like to be feeling good happy happy times. Yeah Yeah positive energy positive energy. Yes 818 till I die. Yeah, I like to listen to the beastie boys to get me pumped There you go. Now it's our face. He's my new my new positive energy. Uh jam. Yeah, he's funny I love it. Um, so we were in florida a while ago and we did not talk about this, but oh my god This is one of those rare. I mean, I have never seen this in my entire life on the planet earth And uh, do you want to say it? Do you want to so we go to this? Uh, we're staying at a nice resort and We um, we're laying by they have a pool

For families and then an adult pool. So we're like, you know, my my parents come down Watching the kids and we go let's go to the adult pool and just drink Sit sit in the uh, yeah, we get actually get in the pool and See this guy come down and like a lot of people in a resort kind of that that scenario He pulls a book out and he's gonna lay on his chair. You know, I just kind of notice him And I noticed that he

Said of laying down he he's sitting in the in the you know, the lounge chair that you would normally lay in He's sitting on it And then he reaches into a bag And he pulls something out of his bag and he starts um buffing His foot Bro, it's not just buffing. He's scraping dead skin off his feet with a foot scrubber. It's like a pumice stone

Yeah, and I was like And he's doing it for a while. He's fully working down those toes, bro Fully working with one of those stones, dude. He had like a fucking rock Yep, and he's like he's making fucking grated cheese with it sitting there right and uh Oh my mouth's hanging up Then he would lay down and then he would sit back up and grab it again and buff some more Keep buffing scraping Which is not the best way to do that now you should do that. That's wild. I mean, I have seen

I have seen someone cut their toenails at the gate at an airport Which is crazy. That's amazing. I've seen on passenger shaming, you know on on her page. Yeah, she's great I've seen her show people doing that on flights, which is oh, I've seen nail clipping I've lost on a flight so I really can't talk shit That's so insane I had meat teeth real bad Come back from Austin. I had barbecue in the in the in your seat doing it. Yeah, I had meat teeth man I had rid why not go to the bathroom. I don't remember

I think because we were with our kids or something and I just got flustered. I tried the window and I was like big and oh Um, I've seen one. I've seen someone cut their fingernails on a flight, which is crazy, too but Buffing your feet at the pool Do you know what that what he's doing though? He's scraping the dead skin. I understand It's so gnarly. I know you should only really be doing that. By the way, it's not the best way to do it I'm saying you need to be in the shower. Of course. It's not the best way to do it To soften the skin first and then take off the dead skin. He kept going back to it

He kept and then as if this is another aspect his feet were so fucked up, too Remember? Yeah, like crazy fucking shit growing off of his feet So gnarly I I was I want your feet, too I was shocked to see that sort of behavior in the united states of america because you'll see that in eastern european places Like people will do that like The spa, you know, you're like, what are you doing? This guy's like shaving his feet down. Oh my god If you see that like in this dude, I mean, let's be like this guy is at the pool

On a night everyone there's on vacation. I know everyone's just like Hey, this is the week of the year I know I came to this really nice place. I'm spending a fortune and I'm gonna watch you shave you shave your foot skin At the pool side you're gross nasty Yeah, it's so crazy But my favorite part about spending time with you in the pool the pool is when um, we play the game of which one of these pigs Are you gonna Yeah, and I like to find we go hog hunting together. Yeah

Yeah, so you always find a couple of hogs and then You make me pick who I would who you're gonna Go down on and love and Makes we love to yeah Here you go No, take that but it does not just necessarily be an overweight woman. I also go for yeah. No, it's mostly not It's not about the weight. No, it's not weight. It's um It's just undesirable

Like you you had these four hogs. They weren't unless they weren't like Fat, they were just not attractive Right because what I look for Is asexuality. I look for neglect. I look for a woman who's like nope all done with that I'm shutting it down. Yeah Because I always I always sense that the man Has to feel sad that his wife has like super short hair and is wearing Birkenstocks and koolots And has totally stopped with makeup and stopped being a woman like you know that guy

We would see them we would see them at dinner. You're like wow she quit, huh? She tapped out and then you see him go like He shuts down she shut it down and he shuts down. Yeah, it's you know, it's connected It is connected. Yeah, you're you're you're a sexuality and you're vitality if you don't keep that up There was a table next to us. So these four pigs were sitting there and Uh Christina goes all right. So which one? You have to you have to go and I looked at one by one. I was like this is a real

Shit litter. Yeah. This is like Yeah, oh man. So so one one was just Built like an offensive tackle and then you know, I was like well, she's like out then one of them Just clearly, you know Her fate like look at someone's face first one of them was just you know Had the misfortune of her own gene pool and so her face was like took her out

So then it was between two of them It was really there's four, but it was between but here's why I liked those two. I liked her Sandals that were just so a just so unsexual. I like the outfit That was like I went with the one the one that I chose. She had like the most sass to her That's why you liked it and she seemed like she was kind of like The alpha of the of the four. Yeah, they were all kind of like, what do you want to do sandra? You know, she she was calling the shots. She was kind of gone. I was like, yeah, I'll take her home

What did you what was enticing about her? Well, that's the thing is I had to override my system's own natural default of no stay away from this But because we were playing this important game I was like, yeah, all right. If I have to I like the fact that You know, she was confident. That's what it is. Everyone's all you know that you hear that when you're a kid But she was the confident one of the group and the confidence is attractive. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, I agree But then can you really be confident if you've turned off your

She hadn't turned it off. She hadn't turned off her sexual energy But when you when a woman does that When they shut it down, that's harder to be done. Does it like I don't you think that It's directly related to it. Yeah. Yeah a confident man like a truly confident man Is sexually viable. I think yeah, you've got lead in your pencil and you're Yeah, that that's true. It makes me sad when I see couples and they they're sitting in silence and oh my god They both shut it down. Yeah, and the the woman does the I don't want to maintain hair. That's number one is the I don't want

It's they've just like I'm just gonna go gray and then I'm gonna do like the second grade teacher from the 80s haircut remember like Mrs. Coonders it was just like feathered kind of like a lady Diana, but shorter feathered Like my dad's hair, you know, but short and then Just like a sad Just so sad. Yeah, it's sad. No makeup. Yeah Yeah, that's even more stylish than what I'm thinking of. Yeah, that is like some of those are actually with style

There's some where they just go. No, no, no, just Just cut it and Just above the ears Yeah, just short and above the ears shutting it down is sad. It is sad. Yeah It's it is sad. I mean then you look at Jane Fonda. She's like in her 70s and she looks amazing She still fucks you got to stay fucking God of fuck. That's the secret man You got to keep those juices flowing dude. Yeah

It's a need. It's a human need and to shut that need down these and peas These and peas Forever homie. That's what's up. Yeah If you don't do it, you're gonna have a real problem. You could end up Like these old ladies Hello, we're best friends and we're here eating at olive party and the retard kindly left There was a tard stalking us very man. I think he's behind us in the bushes now. I'm not sure I love it more more more more more more the retard kindly left

Do you think it was a real? I don't know our word or But there was a tard stalking us I've never heard somebody say that. I haven't heard tard in a long time. I know A tard stalking us. This is uh, I'm reading this. This is who is this a woman named Joyce She explained in another video the guy was staring at them in the restaurant. Okay And he was retarded. I it doesn't say that

I'm just reading what it says I mean, she said our worded. Yeah But I'm wondering because I didn't know that those that generally they were stalkers. I thought they were pretty happy to look at Yeah I guess I could play with this these two if you want me to play the game I would love you to let's go. Which one of these two are you getting? I think I decided See this is what's fun about the game

Yeah, and the other one just has makeup and blonde hair and you're like, that's the one Well of the two. Yeah, and she's got earrings and she's oh, yeah makeup. It's clear Yeah, and also the first one was like there was a guy in the He was stalking us. It's like okay Yeah, I'll take the other option. Yeah Yeah, okay. Yeah, she's she seems like she still wants to get railed, you know, and I like to I like to Play the game with you and suggest like highly undesirable guys with like real hard who she's like big circular big bellies big hard ones like the one and then the big nose like they're definitely

Man, do you have that? Oh, we can't show the guy's face though. There was a man sleeping. Holy shit There's always this guy at the pool Some guy that's just got the yeah the hardest booze belly and you're like this is his last vacation This is this guy's last time. Oh, yeah, we saw a guy whose last vacation. He was like 400 pounds But there was a guy that fell asleep in the Florida sun Out on the lawn there And we took pictures of him. We're like this guy's gonna end up in the hospital. Oh, yeah, I have his picture still We can't put yeah, I wish you could

But uh, we were like pass out and that's he was a white guy. Yeah. Yeah, that's your first time here homie There's no way anybody from Florida on the water. No way. That's on a strong man Florida sun is like Caribbean sun. It's right there. So yeah, you can't fucking play with that. No that guy's good Oh man, even your mom was like, oh, he's going to be in the hospital. Should we wake him? I'm like, no Take a picture of him instead But instead of waking him and and helping him out, we did get to deal with my mother breaking her arm Did she break it fully? Babe, I know. I know. I know. Yeah. What do you mean? I I just thought she was is that what a fracture is?

Yeah, it's broken. Yeah, I'm sorry. I just didn't understand the diagnosis. Yeah Um, so does she have a full cast on now? Yeah How is she not in much more pain that I'm like that? She's so ridiculous. So this is what she did They're staying we got them a room in our in the hotel and they're like four doors down So in the morning because they get up super early, right? I was like, I'll just I'll call you. I'll wake up kind of early because we're still like, you know, we're doing shows and So I call them. I think like eight in the morning and I'm like, hey and my dad goes, wow Your mother broke her arm. I go what?

She fell and she broke her arm. I'm like, okay. He goes She doesn't think it's open or broken. She doesn't want to go to the hospital. I'm like, well, you should go And she I can hear talk. Give me the phone. Oh my god. I'm like, hey mom. She goes. I didn't break it. It hurts And I go, well, how do you know it's not broken because it's still it's fine. And I'm like Okay, what happened? So I was going to help your father And I tripped and I fell and I landed on the arm I'm like, I really think you should go get it. Yeah, at least get it checked out. Go get an x-ray. No, I don't want to do it I'm like, okay

So I go down the hall and she answers the door like this And she's like she's like I'm like, um I think you broke it and she's like, no She's it hurts if I turn it like this or if I go like these it hurts. I'm like, mom So so annoying. Yeah, I'm like, what do you I mean? You're just going to be like this all day Like just get if it if it's not broken you should know that it's not broken

I just go into the ER I don't want to I don't want to I'm like, oh my god Like how'd this happen again? So then she shows me that she'd gone from the bedroom and there's like this little You know living room whatever area right from from the bedroom to this hotel room She goes I saw him carrying things I went to help him I tripped here and I fell onto the uh the cart like the room service cart Oh my god, and I and then she goes and I broke my arm or I hit my arm there

And I'm like, okay, and then I turn and I see That the room service cart Is now in front of a table like a desk that they like a lot of hotel rooms have like a desk, right? You can And I noticed that that desk is covered In a like a fluid like I'm like What is that? I'm like is that coffee? And they're like what I go What's on the desk? Is this coffee?

Oh, I guess oh and then I look and the cart that had the shit fallen on had a coffee pot And so it had knocked over And then I looked down and the floor is covered in coffee and the chair is covered in coffee And I was like, hey, um, did you guys notice? The coffee and my dad's like what coffee? I'm like that is everywhere No, I'm he's like, what are we sure you do? I go. I mean get a towel we can start there So then I'm it's like it's weird because as your parents get older they become like kids Like yeah, that's the same thing I would tell Ellis like did you knock this over?

Can you get a towel so we can clean it up? So we start cleaning it up They order I called room service to come to their room for me So that guy comes in And he comes in and my mom goes, you know, I broke my arm But my son only cares about the coffee that is spilled everywhere and I'm like What And she goes, yeah, my arm is broken But he wants to make sure that your chair is clean and you're and I'm like

First of all, all we've talked about is your arm like from the moment I woke up I've been telling you to go to the emergency room now She's like all he cares about is the coffee that's I was like This is what and then yeah furiating and this is how It's yeah, it's total it's it's total more foreign mom Yeah, gas lighting. Yeah gas lighting and then and then doing a performance for strangers And also flipping the story instead of being like actually my son's been telling me to go to the hospital for 30 minutes Yeah, so so there was that that's when I was just like, you know what? I hope it is broken and then

Then yeah, they finally went to the hospital later hours later and I got the call. Yeah, it's fractured and uh She's in a cast now She was in a temporary cast and then she got back and got in another cast And she's like it really hurts. I'm like, right because it's broken. That's why it really hurts You broke your arm. So terrible. It's so scary to think that that happens I mean happened to you, but you were playing basketball She was just like I was helping her father and then I fell down and broke my oh my

Oh, it's so annoying so exhausting. I know We took a lot of xanax I took xanax I drank almost every night. You know, I don't oh I drink every night. I drank almost every night I was smoking cigars. I was eating like two and three times the amount of edibles I was doing them all together too You were you were out on the balcony just wilding out. Yeah, I got out the next morning I went

On the balcony and I just see these like cups with like jalapeños in them. I'm like, oh, that's just cocktail from last night Like he just leaves them on the balcony. There's a stogie out there I'm like you poor man. You just needed to be alone. That really was coping I didn't like, you know, like I was as soon as we like got uh back from there out You know, totally fine. Totally relaxed. Yeah Well, it's interesting. It's funny that family can really stress you out. Oh really ruin you and I I really uh, I really felt empathy for you after like now is I know I've known them for years I love them

But seeing what it's like from your perspective and just really understanding that now. I'm like, uh, I mean No wonder you're a maniac really. Yeah Oh, I should be way crazier way crazy. I should be Talked about this a bunch, but like, you know, with your upbringing, you're like, I should be a heroin addict I should do porn. I should like right like at least that's the at least and I feel like I should be Like I channeled it into the only positive outlet that I see Comedy, right. I'm saying if I hadn't done that it would have Man

Oh, it would have been I mean, I just would have been The negative way to channel what I have going on in me would have been I don't know Fighting anger. Yeah. Yeah. Well, because you and I are both very I think I dealt with a lot of anger My whole life and I channeled that into stand-up and rebelling and you know Um, I forgot what I was going to say Oh, I saw this great quote from Henry Rollins. Yeah, that said, you know getting drunk

Taking drugs and getting arrested isn't getting back at your shitty parents Doing the opposite becoming very successful. Ah, yeah Learning more reading more and being better than them is the best way to get back at your parents So it really is a choice of am I going to go down this road of those are wise words. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'm obviously misquoting it It was a grass on Instagram, but like the idea of yeah, well, what are you going to do? Are you going to destroy yourself? Are you going to drink every day? And a lot of people do and they do and that's their whole life And it's like fuck you mom and dad, but who is that really hurting?

It's just you or you could be positive like you did and I'll channel this thing into stand-up and I'll develop a skill And I'll use these negative emotions and make something really good. So yeah, thank god. Jeez christ Dude, if I didn't have commie, I probably I probably just do uh, I didn't like drugs a whole lot I just probably I just like bang dudes. I'd be like one of those sad There's a lot of those girls sex like love sex girls. Those those are sad girls too where they go Not like having a lot of sex, but I'm saying when it gets to like this You know extreme amount where they

They're always looking for that connection. Yeah, they can't seem to find it anywhere. So yeah, you have like Dozens of relationships that don't end up anywhere Yeah, that's the same type of thing. I mean, thank god. I people are always like, how do you and tom? How do you and I like, you know what? I think the secret to you and I in many regards is that our unconscious Stuff meshes really well probably like our issues are just oh, it's so great Yeah, like when you get upset The the codependent in me wants to fix it right away. It's just a great balance. We have it is a good dance Like when you're upset, I want to stop it

Ah when I get upset you just avoid me. It's really perfect. You know, you just let me smile. I was raised Oh my gosh, look what came I've been waiting six months for this thing. What is it? What is it? Yay? What is it? What is it? Look how light it is it weighs practically nothing dudes Beautiful beautiful beautiful dudes Oh

What should I play first? Oh god, how about this? Oh my gosh, it smells so good. I think you should break that on your porch. It smells so good Oh my god Oh Oh, yeah This is a this is a good dad boner. You know why it's so genuine and authentic. Yep. This dude is so happy to have his flute Like that's me watching the thunderstorm right there. I know I want to send the video of me feeding turtles and fish. I bonered out dude. I'm so hard

I bonered on those thunderstorms And then when we were in florida, I went out and there was a we called them heat storms like electric storms So it's basically you just see lightning in the clouds. They happen in florida more That's where I saw them all the time growing up and there was one one night when we were there So I put it on my um Instagram stories and everybody was like major dad boner So I saved it to my highlights and I and I started a highlight called weather vids So I'm gonna start putting all my weather boner stuff on my instagram there

Yeah, well, we had a storm in tejas the other night and it was so exciting I opened up all the windows and I just listened to the rain and the thunder. Look at this. I bonered out too. Wow see Come on how great is this? It's the best. Yeah Those are awesome, man. It's awesome. Those are amazing. So exciting I feel like I just got a new flute in the mail How fucking magical is this? I know

God damn it And to be fair, you might be high on xanx and alcohol too. That was pretty high when that happened. Yeah Oh, yeah, that was you can't play the audio, but she's dancing This is one glass of champagne. Yeah Yeah, she was really on one. I mean look at her She was happy. Oh, yeah, we got some a nice room there was she was really on it. Yeah Yeah She looked at her teta's up to she was we were having fun even I have to say

Even after she hurt her arm. She was still in a good mood. We had dinner with her that night and she was still I'm surprised she made it out. I would probably be crying in my room if that happened It was unbelievable that she pushed through. Yeah, she pushed through she was in a good mood Yeah Kind of but I get more excited now by nature too like there's two birds building a nest outside of our window And every morning I wake up and I watch them and I'm like boys come over here. Look at the birds Like I'm so excited because I've never really seen that stuff. It's real nature stuff. Yeah I like it our our homeboy

Uh rpc is on tiktok. Is that what I'm hearing? Uh, rpc And from jail homeless or um, you're a thug. So here's uh tiktok Hi, look at that. Welcome to lucifer's lair at the Wait, did he change his address? No, he just gave his phone number first Oh Um, but he's the same message the message is consistent. That is literally the same message from three years ago But brand new hat new necklace the hat and the necklace are

Amazing Robert. They look really good. Yeah, those are really good. It brightens his whole face up Yep, but then and he's got like some cool filters going on there And if you at least and then he's like black lat and he's right back at it See, I saw him on tiktok as well, but I wasn't sure if it was him or an imposter Correct because I'm surprised if he knows how to do this. Yeah, I'm very shocked. It's um, it's impressive We got uh, some horrible or hilarious. We like to see nice always. Let's see What is he falling into Looks like a lego waterfall. That's how far did he fall?

Well, it looks like he was caught by the by the side safety net thing. So he's probably not hurt Hmm Going with horrible on this one. I didn't lol. Yeah, let's see it one more time Is that russian sounds like it That was really sad and you didn't like that at all. Thanks for sharing But he didn't get hurt. So what part of it was sad? It feels like he got hurt. Yeah, I think he's hurt. Thanks, Nadav Yeah, you ruined today. Let's see. All right. Sorry guys. You ruined today How could he think that that was gonna turn out like any other way? That's fucking crazy

He jumped off like he's spider-man Did his knees just break? Yes Yes, that guy has two broken legs for sure. Wait, but what happens What happens, so why is that one funny? Because it just is What happens is it does it snap backwards this guy's out of his fucking mind He jumped like he was jumping off of fucking a two-foot platform Wait, let's see it again. Okay Holy

Shit, I've never think I mean the fact that he thought you could do this is what's crazy His I mean everything I'm sure his his patella his acl menisca everything just broke I mean his knee his knee just went like that. Yeah, he did it like he like hyper extended him and they just yeah popped He's not walking out of this I liked that it was funny and I liked how people laughed when you did it Like it was like these stunts where people are purposely doing shit. That's dumb But it's so crazy that he was like, I'll just jump like I just don't even understand that part of it This might be the first roof that he's ever jumped off of I don't think the four

But I mean didn't he live a life before this like you you start to gauge It's also I don't think he's got the right shoes on it. He's got rain boots that don't really allow a lot of movement in the ankles Yeah, so let's see. Here's the one here that says this happened outside the Emirates stadium in Highbury is it England the guys are arsenal fans protesting against arsenal owner Stan, uh, I don't know this is last night in wake of the european super league fiasco Okay Fuck

I didn't like that he landed on his face and grabbing. I'm assuming he's hammered. Is that's why he or no Uh, I think so. I mean it looks like it's at the end of a of a soccer game and Other police is like don't do that. Don't do that There's no even attempt to try and catch him. Yeah, it's happens right It's almost like it's almost like he thought that someone was gonna help him at some point He's drunk. Maybe yeah, I think you got to be drunk for that. Yeah, I would say thumbs up Yeah, I liked it. Okay. I didn't hear you lol. I didn't yeah, I didn't it's not like the leg one. That was fucking

Let's see what this is our last one. I think for today I don't like skateboarding. Oh, no not the kids Oh Fuck I hate when skateboarders get hurt. I don't like that I love skateboarders. I don't want them to get hurt. I throw the best. Yeah, I hate when kids get hurt doing shit like this Way to go out of doubt So like one for four is that what i'm doing? Yeah

I'll give you two All right, I'll try and do better next time. Yeah Yeah That was gnarly like that's some little teenage kid Who's knocked out right now. Yeah, dude. It's somebody's son. Oh, they're all somebody's son. Well, the older ones are like Yeah, who cares kids Do you can solve this uh master of accent here? Oh Wow, I can't even find what region we're in like what is the accent? Let's start there. Oh, that's new york city

That's um french. I feel it's kind of cool that we get to Finally our uk listeners can go like oh is this what you experience? When you hear our drunks. Yes, exactly. Yeah, I'm able to make out a good bit of it though Seriously, okay. First of all, what what dialect like what is this? What accent is this? Well, I mean, he's somewhere in the south I'm not sure exactly. Yeah Oh, I'm sorry. I heard uk. I I really thought english This is an american southern guy. No Absolutely. Okay. Sorry. I got a turn up. You don't think so

No, I'm shocked that christina thinks that it's uk. Yes, I hear british. I hear like welsh or something What? That's how unintelligible this man is So if I got caught if I had a gun I'd be going back to What are you doing motherfucker? I ain't got no gun Where's the gun weird again? Yeah, I hear the thing british It's the queen's english. I hear it Dude, you got a surprise. I can't believe you understood the majority of that. I'm honestly shocked

Well, yeah, go go don't forget. I live with these dumb dumps for a while. So I did go to school in north carolina Did you go to school with this guy? I mean people like that. I'm gonna here's the thing. I'm gonna just go out I don't know if I'm right. I think he drinks too much I'm gonna even go with the truck driver because one side of his face is rinklier than the maybe former Right, not a current driver. No, no one lets him behind any type of machinery This guy drinks like this all day for sure all day. Wait one more time. I want you to You're doing really well at this by the way. You're killing it

So he might actually saying about going back to the joint if I got caught with a gun I'd be headed back to jail Wow Yeah, Tom. That's so it might be like why he can't even get a gun. So amazing that you I don't know. I've been in the joint. I've been in the joint If I got caught with a gun I'd be going back. Wow Because like what he's trying to say possession of a weapon, you know, he can't have yeah, he doesn't he doesn't have to form the sentence I don't have that. So he's making a point like I don't have guns because I can't have guns That'd be a violation of my probation. This is just yeah

There's again, you're the tarred whisperer How'd you get that? How'd you hear that? Do you agree with my analysis or no? Sure After hearing you say that I'm hearing every single word that you heard. Yeah, but before that I just like I couldn't A hundred percent nailed down. It was unintelligible. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like I said, I speak stupid real well Yeah, he seems cool. He's a cool guy. Jesus Christ. Yep. That's somebody's son. That's somebody's son There you go At one point this guy was a sweet little boy. I know isn't that crazy? That's what that's what you think about when you see these folks

Yeah, you're like, oh, what happened? Yeah, who didn't love you? It's true It is true, man. Oh my god. I gotta play this for you Um So fart simpson. Oh my goodness always makes incredible Incredible prank calls He

He got Unk shine. Okay. I'ma make you cry. I know who that is just for the listeners so they know, okay To call a pet sitter Here we go, I like it already Hello, hey, is this the pet sitter? Yes. Hi Hey, um, do you work with cats? I do actually. Oh, great My brother and I were planning a trip to dubai for a week in august Oh fun. Uh, you'll actually be taking care of my brother's cat. George. I'll put him on the phone real quick

He's a little hard of hearing Hey, my baby. How you doing? Hi, listen to me. I love my kitty cat. He really loves his kitty cat He actually only feeds her fresh fish Okay, um, she doesn't eat canned food or anything. No, my kitty cat wants some fish Um, I know that cats don't naturally have a primarily fish diet Um, like in the wild and in like when they're feral they have a primarily rodent diet What's my kitty cat eat that food? My kitty go sleep for full day

Wow Um, but they there can be some sort of reaction if they have too much fish So I would be careful with the fish that poultry is a great alternative for fish Yeah, it might be maybe the small bones or something like that Yeah, so I don't know. Maybe it could be a reaction to the to the fish Yeah Oh, it's funny But you'd be amazed how much they love like if you get a whole chicken from the grocery store or get chicken liver from the grocery store

Your cat will love that. So it'd be just as good as giving a piece of uh, fish Oh, yeah, I'ma dig all over in your booty I hear that meow Let me scratch your booty They always love their butt scratches and like the I'm sure chin scratches if you get it just right Look, I love my kitty cat. Oh, he loves his little mare mare Meow Miny little thing

Yeah, because it's better baby Yeah, that's the truth So since the cat's a sphinx We use our own oils to get the dry spots on her skin And we found out that actually the oils on george's face Are great for the cat's skin That works Oh, yeah, right george. Yay

That is so interesting That like makes so much sense, but like something I never think of would this be something that you can do Yeah, I have no problem with that. We'll leave a jar george's face oils on the bathroom sink with some cute tips Well, I mean if that's what you guys need me to do I mean, listen, this is there was actually the way that the smallpox Vaccine was invented was from people scraping glisters And huffing them. Yeah, totally You want to get on my niffle instagram? Yes or no?

Uh, sure. Yeah, you guys can add me. Um, it's Dot Okay, yeah, I know You know, yeah, I'm scanning Uh, if I play with your booty, it's gonna be like some witch your wife. Oh, yeah Um, all right Oh I'ma make you cry girl

Just let me eat you one term. Oh, yeah, I'm from left yet What's happening right now? You're gonna try to get away from it. But again, what chuck it chuck it gonna be right there Yeah She talking to the cat. Yeah, mama. I want to eat that booty Um, yeah What? Yeah Um, it's number love my baby All right, talk to you soon. Check it out, baby. I'm leaving with you girl

Oh, man Every time every time the great fart simpson She was really uh, she stayed on for a long time. She did and she's you could tell that she really cares about animals Knows how to take care of them even putting his face oil on the hot spots. I'll leave in a jar with q-tips God Jesus, that's great. That's a nice cat sitter. I you know, yeah, if I had a cat I might call that lady Exactly. Jeez. Oh, it's really something Yeah, he she got all the great Um

Unkshine drops in there and I got yeah. Yeah play with your booty. Yeah. Can I go pitch real quick? Okay? And We're back. How was your pee? It was so good. I made a lot of pee. Yeah, I just so much comes down to me Oh There Okay, uh, we got a So we got a message from a listener of ours. Yeah Who I guess um

Saw the similarity of um Of what he received and what we've played before which is this guy sent a message Or was talking to somebody on grinder And then the guy instead Of replying back sent a

Video message good idea. You know great choice. Yeah, so the video message is as you know can be Um alarming, you know, so this is the type of guy you get So Here is what our fan received Uh via video message Hey, ball. How's it going? Just figured I sent a little video message saying hi So, yeah tomorrow I'm working until 2 30 in the first part of the day And then I got another student 7 30 at night. So anytime between then basically from 3 p.m. To 7 p.m

We can meet up. I could take you out to eat. I live right next to columbus circle in central park We could go there. It was going to be incredible. So yeah, let me know what you think. All right. See you Just wanted to do a video instead of a text or a phone call So, let me get this straight this man making the video is not a ymh fan right the person who received it is Yes, that is amazing I mean, this is so I'll say this this guy. This guy seems very sweet Oh, it's so very very sincere. Yeah, and you know, he it wasn't like I don't know. It's not cringy

It's just like what you know, what just you could text that Oh say run eat o'clock at 15. It's just here's the deal He's got great energy. He's got I'm gonna I'm gonna change my opinion now on the video response I can't believe it. I've had so many epiphanies Uh, yeah I think this is really sweet and endearing I like I like seeing his face and if I were an exchange with him in an exchange I think I might find it sweet because

He's sweet Yeah, I mean it's a little too much information where he's like That so that means between three o'clock and that it like we get that he is real sweet this guy. I like this. Yeah I mean also that's the thing is that for a video You might go like this is You you see too much too too quickly you make assumptions too quickly. Yeah, you need you need a little bit of like that Vale of you know a mystery of mystery that a text, you know, because like someone being like I'll see you then

It's like it's too much. It's too much. He's too excited, but But he is very nice, but I like him. Yeah I think I think why Charles's video didn't work is that he was doing too much to impress the girl. He was trying to impress her too much Like this one. He's not trying to impress anybody. Yeah It's just like Hey Yeah, but it's still it's still yeah, I don't know

Yeah, I don't know Would you fuck this video doesn't scare you Um But it is reminiscent of the charles Video response. Yes. Yeah Yeah, the other guy too feels familiar, right? Yeah It's never good Although this time I might like it

I don't know I'm deciding I would not personally I would I would want to keep the veil of mystery as long as possible I wonder what why you send the video is it maybe it's just because he goes I don't feel like typing this out like he goes. Well, I have he doesn't want to say he doesn't want to text I have a client until three. I have another one at 7 30 So between three and seven I could possibly went up to you I need I live near columbic like it seems like his thoughts are a lot to write out And I think that's why you go I'll send the video because in a video the information is conveyed easier

Right as opposed to writing that all out and maybe that's why So you're saying just for it's just like for communication purposes a lot of info Yes, does he say why at the top of the video doesn't say why he just he but he says all that He's like I have something at three then I have something at 7 30 So I have this amount of time in between and I live near columbus circle so I could take you out to eat there like yeah Interesting, which you know begs the question. Why not just pick up the phone and then call Call me or instead of telling all that information just be like I have from four to seven Right near columbus circle. You want to go there? Right? I'm free. Yeah, I'm free between four and seven

You just do that you want to meet a but it all comes from like innocence with this guy My worry and sincerity. I don't there's nothing like manipulative or anything. No, no But my worry like my red flag then goes This guy's giving me too much too information. Yeah, and is that going to annoy me because you can't just well If it's you personally then yes, I'd be like I'm not interested in that much information. Yeah I'm like the call me so you are call me. Yeah, I don't want to call you bro telling you a lot Here's an emoji. You're so rude You'll be like I don't want to know all this

Jesus, can I tell you where I learned this from I'll tell you where Oh, there's bits. Um, I learned this when I was in law school for two weeks Yeah, they they Assigned so much reading that you you learn to read in a manner where you just get the information required of you So when I hear people giving superfluous information My brain goes no filter filter filter filter I like you were in law school for two weeks and I learned the skill there Jesus and now I only listen for pertinent facts. I don't want the filler. I don't need it. I got time for that, man

That's a good lesson that those two weeks taught you kind is worth of the $14,000. Yeah That's true worth every penny All right, oh my gosh Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, you want to do your um, I heard you bitches was looking for me Here we go And also, sorry one more if I may add another thought if you're going to do the video response You better look killer. Oh, right like it's not just against the white coming from the gym and You know, you know what you should do is like, hey, I'm in this suit right now

Because I met this great event and I'm wearing a dope outfit. I just want you to see me in it and like just That's when you yeah Okay, but go ahead tiktoks. Oh, I'm so fucking stoked. I'm working in the supermarket. I'm just coming back from work right now with a good mind everything was cool today at work and For the people that tell me Hey, how can you look like that? You are fucking mess. I don't give a damn fuck. I don't even read the comments I just look at it. I scroll down because I don't have nothing to say

Yeah, it's my life. I got three beautiful kids I'm almost 34 years old I live in Germany. I got my own apartment. I got three beautiful kids. My oldest one is 14 They're proud of me like shit and I'm proud of them because they're my angels. They're my everything. They're all I got and for the people that commenting like, um Oh My god, what a mess You don't have to give a damn. You don't even have to put a comment, but I mean

Okay, what are your general feelings? Uh overall, I just I'm a little Sad Yeah, yeah There's so many tattoos on her face Like her whole face. Well, you know what it is. It's um, it's a general sense of chaos Like what her face looks like to me is actually just chaotic what the insides are like It's chaotic. It's like when you walk into a room. That's a mess. You're like, you know I don't feel like calling her like you're a fucking mess, but I'm saying like it's

It's uh, almost like nerve wracking or you're like, oh my god, like there's You know, I mean like I don't even know what's on there. It just seems like there's Like uh, schizophrenic scribbles, you know, like I don't you know, it's just yeah, that's interesting I don't think she's unattractive though. No, no, and I think she's fine. Like she's lovely I do wonder what all these different what's going on drawings. What are you doing? Yeah What are you doing? It looks like um, if you knew that person, that's exactly what are you doing? What's going on? Why are you doing this? And also you're right

They look like scribbles that used to scribble on your notebook back in like junior high when you could write on your notebook You know, yeah or your peachy folder like lightning bolts and diamonds and then Just random shit. I was more blown away by the the chaos. It's so much. It's so much. Yeah, I'm hoping that this uh Oh, man, this ride goes in a different place. I can't believe you're not loling. No, it doesn't make me laugh though Also, because I know that she's hurt people are riding crazy shit to her, you know, sure Going to church helps to strengthen one's faith in Jesus Christ And also fellow shipping with other Christians. If you're not going to church And you're not in your bible and you're not praying. How are you supposed to have faith? You can't have faith

Without works and if you don't have faith, you can't go to heaven But just because you go to church doesn't mean you're saved What And there was a video oh man, that's so cool. I put that on that's so good. Yeah What her eyes were super wide. Yeah, I thought she was gonna be like i'm at church. I can't wait to go fuck somebody like I was getting like surprise sex energy Yeah, nadov. Are you now are you still gonna convert to christianity after seeing that tiktok? Yeah, I mean that just looks like it's right up my alley. I feel like that's that's what I want to be all about

See she say she's saved And it's just cool. See stuff. It is cool. See stuff. Yeah, I hate when they tell I hate when they're like that's not enough to be saved You have to do this God said like how do you know we talk to him all the time? Oh, yeah, he told you that you wake up you guys text and stuff It's really strange I don't believe her You don't believe she has the answers you don't I don't think she knows how you how we get to heaven Well, she's definitely her make believe place in the sky. She's dialed into something. Yeah, I don't know who she's talking to

But yeah, I don't know where she got her information from son. Yeah Have you honest with y'all for a second? Yeah, white women calling black women and fems queen is Shut up Just shut up Please This one I just wanted to give like yeah Applause to like finally that lady was the first lady was going on a rant about Now don't say queen. Yes, and how it's like more appropriation. It's improper

It's this and that and then I think I'm I'm sensing a rise in the shut the fuck up culture. Yeah, that's starting to get louder Yeah, shut the fuck up With all your opinions shut up and especially don't fight other people's battles like yes Yeah, she's fighting black women will let you know if they don't want 100% like she and this is a black woman being like shut the fuck up Dude, I don't want to hear that. That was very funny. Can I just be honest about white women and fems queen? Yeah, like who are you and go fuck yourself. It's not your battle. Shut up I What the fuck is that a bobcat? Yeah

Yeah, and he is treating it like it's a kitty cat. Yeah, sure doesn't seem like one does it That thing will rip your fucking face off dude. Oh, yeah He put it in a headlock and like get out of here He played it down the ground to make it submit So that that was the submissive thing to try to put it on its back. Will you google like how does a bobcat fuck you up? Like what what how do bobcats fuck you up? They claw your eyes? Do they go for your throat? Wait, you want them to google that? Yeah, how does a bobcat fuck you up? How can a bobcat I wouldn't you?

No, that's the wrong search, you know that right? Like how does a bobcat take down to pray or attack? Yeah ATT Okay, that's what they would do to a human to bite the skull neck or throat of small prey. Yeah The throat they would absolutely destroy you. Yeah, this thing could kill you For sure and he's like get down get down on your back He's trying to make it submit and I guess in sonic regarding succeeded. Yeah, but that thing hates him Yeah, I mean, obviously he's super familiar with it though

This this guy's done that a million times the cat even knows it's like He always put me down here on the ground It's so alarming. It's so Oh, this is get off get off the couch. Oh, that's right. Let's get off the couch Get off the couch doesn't like you sleeping on the couch. Oh my god, you know the fur sticks on yeah That's what he's tell you right and also if you're thought about because we've seen a few people with like cats like this at home Do you have an I guess you have a no-guest policy, right? Because or no children. Oh my god children forget it. But like, you know, what do you do?

Hey, just so you know, I got a leopard in my kitchen right now. What? He's friendly. Yeah. No, I've had him since he was a little cub. It's fine. Okay Yeah, we I would never bring my kid over to someone that had a crazy pet like that Even if they like you they love you or whatever like, okay To answer your question. I'm not 40 years old, dude I'm in my 30s. In fact, I'm 35 You need to check your facts well

That's at delta wolf pup and he's into Painting his beard you need to check your facts like people have access to the information. Yeah, he's assuming Yeah, why would anyone know that his wiki page says I like because I look so young. Yeah, those are your facts But he likes to dye his beard and that's like his whole thing Yeah, it's normal to assume this dude is Over 40. I know he looks terrible. Yeah, he looks like shit Could be the angle Yeah

Well, it could be the banana peel and no, he doesn't I should say that he doesn't look but he definitely if he would have said like Guess what? He's he's 40 43. I'd be like, okay. Sure. I believe that Hey guys, I am looking for Justin Bieber's phone number Can you find it for me? Yeah guys, please Do you have it? Yeah, you can give it to him post it or oh, we just message him. Yeah message later. Yeah Yeah, good call, man My cousin got a warrant for ppp frog. She faked a panic attack when they came to pick her up This bitch gonna knock herself out

Is That's a really crazy story that I don't believe My cousin got a warrant for ppp fraud and then faked a panic attack when they and then I don't know just It's a lot. Hmm. I don't know if I'm buying this Well, what possible story? I mean, what would you well? I don't know. You could just be seeing that That Yeah

Now that's an interesting take she constructed a whole story She was like hanging out in the er She knows her her cousin has loose morals and then she's like, oh my cousin would do something like that What's ppp fraud? That's uh, uh, no, no, no that was the loan the government loan program for during covet Like the forgivable loan stuff now Have you been having issues with having a rude roommate?

I'm in the same situation because situation they are not being considerate The same situation They're not being considerate. This looks like he's from 1953 Like I did not believe I thought you stepped back in time for this talk. You like his haircut. It's really cool Everything's cool. But isn't it interesting that a normal haircut would just straighten a lot of this out? The haircut definitely lends itself to looking forest gumpy, you know, yeah The haircut is everything like who's that guy that owns the team and he's got the bull the bull and he goes

And oh he goes 500 miles to get that horrible Raiders owner mark davis Mark davis there he is now. Do you think he knows it looks terrible? Yes He does it because it's his thing. No, he does it because people keep telling him it sucks And he's like fuck you. I like it. It's like it's like the you're drinking and doing drugs to get back at your parents So he's like, well, fuck you. I'm gonna keep getting this stupid haircut. Like yeah, but you look stupid He looks really stupid. Of course he does and if he just got a normal haircut, he looks so much better Of course

Doesn't care haircut can just make or break you. Is that his lady? Please don't tell me that's his woman. I think it is Oh, they're so gross That is so superficial and gross. Are you serious? Oh my god. Oh my god. She's gorgeous Ugh girls are so gross Yeah, he's worth 500 million or something. Do you think she likes his scrum? And gets the balls and the shaft. I think it's part of the exchange. Yeah

Yeah, uh She has to be like babe, babe the hair. Oh, yeah, of course babe. Please just cut your hair normal Of course. Oh my god. She is stunning. Can you make it bigger? Is she a model? She must be I don't know. Great hair too. She's got great hair. That's the irony of everything. She knows where to get her hair done. Yeah She ain't sharing that info with him Wow, oh my god, look at this guy with the haircut Yeah, looking all crazy. He looks terrible looks terrible. All right. Here's another uh talk ready. Yeah

Have you ever drank from the salty sea? Salty You're not supposed to drink from the salty sea, right? You're not supposed to No, I'm not supposed to drink ocean water period. Correct. Correct Do you think it made him look like that? All right, let's go to the next one Good day everybody. I hope everybody's having a great day today Take care. Stay safe. Love y'all. Take care. Yeah, this one is so thought-provoking

Oh my god, my friends. Watch out. We have the president of the cool guy club over here Why did she get this? I found it on twitter. It's so good. I love that. Wait hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on You're not even gonna discuss with me. Get this guy. Good day everybody. I hope everybody's having a great day today Take care. Stay safe Love y'all Take care. Take care. So this is an interesting lane of tiktok At least I find it interesting where you have nothing to say except wishing others well Hope you're having a good day today. Okay. Have a good night. Good night. Like who is this top?

All right. Good morning everybody. Make sure you have a great day today. Yeah, I know And then on top of it the audacity for him to do it shirtless. Yeah, it's just everything I just thought this was a really good talk. It was just perfect and he's not attractive shirtless as tits are hanging It's he's very Hanging soggy skin and wrinkly just looks like dog. Shit. I would never put myself on the internet I don't do it now for that reason who wants to see my fucking naked ass Ah There's a good summary of everything you got it one more

Like most people I sometimes get sad over the way I look but Most days I remember that I am from good strong peasant stock I look reliable and honest and that is good for tricking my enemies I would probably survive any famine situation you could put me in for quite some time and most importantly Fame swedish painter under son would have loved me for a model. So who can be sad about that? I like her. I love her. She's very I like peasant stock I would survive any famine Yeah, I thought that was quite a bit very positive energy, you know, uh, yes, um, all right

We got to get some dates in there. Will you do it for me because I can't stand your wrath. Yes Okay You're gonna be in salt lake city At wise guys june 10 11 and 12 Then you're in san antonio at lol July 15 16 17 Over to liberty township in ohio the funny bone july 22nd through 24th then columbus in august the 12th

13th and 14th Then of course, oklahoma city in september Tickets are all at christina p online. Make sure you get tickets before they are gone Now your boy is launching a world tour. It's already On sale. It's called the i'm coming everywhere world tour and I really am coming everywhere Um, as you may have heard me mentioned before We announced dates in segments. So right now the dates from august through january are on sale

In a couple months. I'll announce the february Through may dates and so on and so forth. So go to tomscura.com Bunch of new dates shows are already being added get tickets. I'm really excited to get back out there And uh, yeah, I can't wait to do it So fun. Oh, I'm so stoked. You really are going everywhere. This tour is nuts. That's exciting amaze. Yeah, it is it is It's um, I'm so thrilled to be back And also I'll remind you this especially when you're talking about theater stuff. Don't Google your city and the name always go through the website of the artist you want to see you want to see me

Go to tomscura.com go there. Those are the actual tickets if you just google like, you know, indianapolis Tom skirt, you're gonna end up on like seek geeks or some third party person where somebody bought the ticket and is now Selling them to you for five times the price. So if you want to avoid that always go through the artist website Um, that being said, thank you again to everyone for watching and listening this week. We really appreciate it What do we have here? We have, uh The closing song jamie wants to go get a shot by missed by dr. Mo Haven't heard it. Look forward to it See you next time. Bye jean. Bye

Uh, but it's another request and your request is from jamie if you want me to sing about covet 19 So the name of the song is jamie covet 19 And now here we go Oh What have you seen anything like that before I really didn't like that Well, that's part of the roller coaster of the talks some you love some you don't Just put that in the don't for me. Okay potato potato. I enjoyed it. Really? Uh

Here we go