Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 614 - George Perez - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: July 28, 2021

SPONSORS: - Go to https://saatva.com/theshit to get $200 off your next order - Try BlueChew FREE when you go to https://BlueChew.com and use our promo code MOM at checkout, just pay $5 shipping. - Go to https://Squarespace.com/MOM for a free trial and when you’re ready to launch, and use the offer code MOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain - Policygenius has saved customers an average of $1,250 per year on their home and auto insurance. Head to https://policygenius.com to get started right now. - Save up to 65% off your subscription when you go to https://BABBEL.com/MOM.  - Go to https://WHOOP.com and use code “Yourmom” at checkout to save yourself 15% off today. - Get 20% off and free shipping by going to https://manscaped.com/MOM.  JEANS UP!! Tom Segura and Christina P discuss their favorite cool guys, "Halston" on Netflix, the girl Tom saw on a plane wearing only a bikini, and Austin, Texas weather talk. They watch videos of some cool road rage, CP's TikToks, and take a look at photos of Christina's scoot scoot and her injury. George Perez is a comedian and host of the George Perez Stories podcast. He joins Tom Segura to discuss taking a break from stand-up because of prison, strip clubs in different cities, getting gang tattoos, and more. They watch videos of a cool lady singing on the subway, Adriana Chechik describing her weekend schedule, a dude who breaks bad news to people, and some "Horrible or Hilarious" videos.

How can they do like high like proficiency tattooing inside? Usually you don't ask your celly, your celly is gonna be like, hey, I'd be like, you know what, Tom, you're fucking down, homie. We love how you broke your wife's leg. Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! I might get my first tattoo because of this. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, whatever time you're watching, welcome to your mom's house. You chomo.

I'm here, of course, with my beautiful co-host. And zooming in from Austin Tejas is her fill-in, Christina P. Hi, Christina, hi, Christina. Oh, Root, am I on now? You are on, yep. So it's so disrespectful how you've been referring to my blow-up doll there.

Don't think I haven't been watching the episodes and you guys are like, this is how that bitch should be, blah, blah, blah. Hey, Christina! It's good to see you. You got some mail, God. Yeah, you do. I miss you guys.

It was so nice, thank you. Oh, you changed my shirt. Yeah, we changed your shirt to the breakable shirt. You can find it. Am I wearing pants? Did you guys even give me bottoms or am I naked? Am I Donald Duckin' it down there? Unfortunately, they are, they're our pants,

but your mouth is just how we want it, so. Yeah, you know, you know what I mean? Thanks. You know? Your nose is a banana split. Yeah, my tongue is yes. You're really feeling him today. Yeah, Unkshine.

Him and, I think him and Ed as, you know, Leo, those are my two favorite guys of the past year. I was thinking about that the other day. If you had to rank the Cool Guys Club, who you're number one, I'd say for you, the number one is Ed Asner. Yeah, he's the best. He's my favorite.

It just, it doesn't, I don't know, it doesn't stop becoming, you know, it doesn't stop like entertaining me. It doesn't stop like, you know. Let me see how that comes. It's the innocence, it's the way he is so honest. He's so matter of fact, and it's so not hot. So it's so off from flirting.

I have no problem in swallowing. It's so just direct, and I love that it, I love that it upsets people, I think, you know? I love that people go like, oh, like that really always gets to me, you know? That's what makes your dick hard. Yeah. Is when other people's dicks get soft.

There's never been a truer sentence spoken. Come on, Mark, don't be stingy. Yeah, yeah. You know, I was just trying to think who my favorites are, and I think top of my list is going to be Tony Johns. Yeah. Always. He's pretty great. For so many reasons. He's charismatic.

He likes to have fun. He's given us so many good phrases. Yeah. Yes. But I also really have a fondness for cobertate. Really? Yes, just because he gave us a new way of speaking, like women should clean up unprompted.

Yeah. And then I like when he goes, I always put down my credit card. It never gets declined. Yeah, yeah. Because of overdraft protection. That was best. That was great. Yeah, Cobra's great.

I mean, you know, all these guys have an open invite, by the way, to come on the show, you know, just so it's clear. Cobra, Leo, unfortunately, has passed right now. God is telling him. That's where it spits. So, but... Do you think he's doing that with God right now?

Probably. Yeah. I think he's like, hey, God. That's my hole. And then they're just seeing where it goes. But Unkshine, I think it would be difficult to get him here. Why is that, Tom? He hates flying. I'm just assuming.

I think he's got a fear of flying. I don't know if he's got a fear of it, but I think it would be hard to coordinate. But I still, I am still open to the idea of visiting Unkshine. You know? I think you should. You've been talking about this for a long time. And I'd like to bring him a banana split, you know?

You mean two ladies named Banana and Split? Yes. I would love to bring Hose to Unkshine. Like, who know? Like, hey, here's the, here's what's going to happen. It's going to be weird. But just to see him just so geeked out, I think it would be the best.

Because, listen, one thing I always wonder about the cool guys that we feature is, do they ever really get laid? Is it, do they walk the walk? Mm, sometimes. Or are they just talking that talk? Like, do you think Unkshine gets to get in there? I don't think regularly, but I mean, I know it's happened before.

I'm sure it happens sometimes. We're going to use your booty. Yeah. Yeah. There's somebody out there that finds that really charming. That makes my pussy so dry. Like, when I hear that, it's like, it's like I feel my vagina becoming sandpaper

and then closing itself shut. Can I tell you something? You're not helping right now. Okay? There's somebody I'm looking forward to spending time with and feels like what you're saying is kind of disrespectful. It's not. It's just how I feel, babe.

Okay. Well, you don't like him? He doesn't do it for me. But you still like him. You're still a fan. I like him. I like him. You know what I always think about? Is his smelly glove.

Mm-hmm. When he wears a stinky glove. You know why it smells though? Because he rubbed it all over your kuchi and then he smells it after that. That's what he's like to do. Yeah. Can I tell you my favorite scene from the show Halston

that I've been watching? Yeah. So there's a part where he has to create a perfume, Halston. And the woman is like, you have to bring me the scents that you like the most. Oh, boy. So he brings in a cigar, tobacco, like tobacco, which is beautiful, a beautiful smell, tobacco.

And then like Friesia, which is a flower. And then his gay lover's jockstrap in a bag. And he's like, he hands it to the fragrance lady, expecting her to like, whoa. And instead it's the best scene ever. You guys have to watch the scene. She takes out the jockstrap, puts it deeply into her face

and gives it like a closed eye. Like she gets the essence. And then she's like, Halston, you're a genius. Oh, fuck. And out. God, I thought you were gonna be like, and then she just vomited all over the fucking table. I don't know if that, honestly, we go,

there are hot people and I don't know that a worn jock would ever smell good, right? But maybe if you're a gay guy, that's like the best smell on earth. Okay, fine. I think it probably still smells like old nuts. I mean, everybody knows what their nuts smell like. And you're never like, this is probably appetite.

Yeah, it's never good. But you're right. You're right. I'm being such a cis-gendered fucking straight guy. Sorry. Sorry. What, but what if, can you wear a jockstrap and then I, like you wear it, you exercise all day.

Can I say something? And then you can't, can you hands me a hold on and then I give a soul sniff? You can, you can. Can I tell you something? You're not gonna like it. You're not gonna like it. You're not gonna like the way I like it.

But maybe you're right. Maybe that is actually just the male, because as a man, you're right. Like a stinky, like a stinky part on a woman can still be arousing, because it's a one. So yeah, I'm just being, I'm being super hetero and I apologize. Now, but do you think the smells are that different

from male to female smells in there? Yes. Yeah. I do, yeah. Well, that's true. I've got a uterus making all kinds of stuff. There you go. All right, let's do the opening clip.

Ready? There you go. This that motherfucker almost run us over off of an accident over a dumb son of a bitch. I'm gonna let you son of a bitch is know right now. I'm gonna buy that son of a bitch. Don't you ever pull your goddamn car out in front of me like that again, boy.

That's who I am. You almost run over my goddamn car, boy. This is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Yo, mama in the fucking stand. Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura, Tom Segura,

and Christina Pajitz and Christina Pajitz. Welcome to your mom's house. Yeah, so that was a pretty cool guy, huh? What? I can't really tell what happened. Oh, I can tell you. So it looks like there's some traffic. It's like an on ramp or an exit or something.

And somebody clearly had cut this guy off. And then he documents himself, himself yelling. And he's missing quite a few teeth. And it's just full rage about you almost hit me. And he's yelling, even though for sure the person who did it is not aware that he's yelling at him, because he's just kind of yelling into the sky.

But he's recording himself. It's pretty cool. He's a pretty cool guy. Hey, I'll show you again. There's a part two also. This that motherfucker almost run us over off of an exit over a dumb son of a bitch. I'm gonna let you son of a bitch is know right now.

I'm gonna buy a son of a bitch. Don't you ever pull your goddamn car out in front of me like that again, boy. That's who I am. You almost run over my goddamn car, boy. You almost run over my goddamn car, boy. Which also I don't think is a thing. I don't think you can run over a car in another car.

I don't think you can either. Do you have a monster truck? How are you running over the car? And the reason this would never happen in Texas is because you can carry guns. I feel like people drive nice. They say people drive nice in Austin. And I do believe it's because you can just carry a gun

with you. I haven't seen anybody do this kind of shit here. Okay. Good to know. I don't know. Is that retarded? Am I being R worded? I'm just trying to enjoy my adult soda.

Ta-ta, they're retarded. Okay, here's part two of his thing. That's who I am. I'm a bad son of a bitch. I don't fuck around even in traffic. That motherfucker, he just come real close to touching us on purpose. The cool thing is that he's got all the bottoms.

Yeah. It kind of begs the question. Do you need the top teeth? Do you need them? You need all of them. No, that's not true. You don't need all of them. Yeah.

But that is a strange aesthetic. How do you just keep the bottom row? How do you keep them? I don't know. Well, which one would you prefer to keep though? The top row or the bottom? I prefer, hmm, I think for smiles, the top. The top, aesthetics, yeah.

But I mean, if you just have tops or bottoms, you're gonna have problems, you know? Yeah, because this isn't good for smiles. But neither one's gonna help you eat if you just have one. You need, can I get one on the bottom so I can just eat like that? But this guy, whoof, yeah, he's a bad ass. Don't mess with him, Tom. He's a bad son of a bitch.

You know, done on purpose, try to run over my car. Jesus Christ, what is wrong with people? No, there's a lot, there's a lot wrong. By the way, you're an awesome, you're an awesome right now. Is it hot? How are you liking how hot it is? Oh my God, I cannot have one more conversation about how hot it is.

Dude, bros, look, it's fucking the middle of summer. It's hot everywhere. Right, that's what happens in summer. It's hot. Like everywhere you go right now, do you think it's hot out? Yeah, it's been said to me, they're like, how are you dealing with this heat?

I don't know the way I deal with it every summer. I stay indoors most of the day and then when I go outside, I'm like, damn, it's hot. And they're like, you ever felt heat like this before? Yeah, yes. Every summer. Every summer. In fact, I grew up in the San Fernando Valley

of Los Angeles, which is the hottest part of Los Angeles County. It's so hot. Yeah, I do, I do, I've done this before. I've been wooded in the hills for three years. It was super fucking hot. It was like 110 in the summer. This guy the other day, he comes to work on the house

and all of a sudden he goes, you think it's hot? And I go, yeah. And he goes, you think it's hot now? It'll get hotter. And I was like, got it. And he goes, you know what, you know what we say in Texas? I go, what? He goes, you know, like the weather right now,

wait a few minutes. I swear to God. And what will happen? It'll change. Yep. And I'm like, yeah, you mean the way weather does? Everywhere? How it's not the same every day.

Oh my God. I get it. Do you think it's hot? If I have to have. It's gonna get hotter. Okay. If I have to have one more chit chat about the weather, I'm gonna blow my brains out.

Jesus. I mean, you know, I got cooler yesterday and then today, it's hotter, but the clouds are coming. So I think it might rain. You're like, yeah, that is that. It's a wild story. But it's interesting how regionally people like to discuss the phenomenon of weather.

Yeah, they do. Even though it happens the same way every year. It's hot. We get it. And it happens everywhere the same way. And the weather always changes. There's this one thing that you can count on and is that it won't be the same weather every day

wherever you live all year. It'll change all the time. It's weather. Like, what the fuck, man? Do you remember how it rained yesterday? It ain't raining today. Yeah. Yep.

I picked up on that. They say it might rain tomorrow, but it might not. Cool, man. That is pretty cool. Oh my God. And in the Midwest, when you go to like, I remember like every time I go to some radio station in the Midwest, they would always start,

they lead you into the joke too. They're like, well, you know, if you talk about weather and then they go, you know what they say, right? And then they go, what? You know what they say? If you don't like the weather in the Midwest, just wait till tomorrow, it'll be something totally different.

And you're like, and everybody tells you the same dumb joke. Yeah. I bet you couldn't believe that today it was cool and tomorrow is going to be warm. Yeah. It's hot. Man, this is hot, but you never felt hot.

And when we moved here, it was like, what's going to happen in the summer because the Texans were like, they kept warning us. People were like, where are you going to spend summer? And I was like, what? What do you mean? They're like, where are you going to go for the summer? I was like, I live here now.

They're like, but you're not staying for the summer, are you? And I was like, fuck you, I'm staying here for the summer. And they're like, well, it's going to be real hot. I was like, okay, but I'll definitely be here. And they're like, that's on you. A lot of us get out of here in the summer. I'm like, all right, man. Well, here I am in fear.

I'm like, what is the summer going to be? What's going to happen? Will I be set on fire if I step outside? And every day I'm like, yeah, it's humid, summer. It's good, it's fine. I gotta tell you, so I got on a flight the other day and I have been a touring comedian on planes every week since 2006.

So we're going on what, 15 years? And even before then, I've traveled all over the world. I've been on, I don't know how many flights, thousands of flights and it just never stops. I saw something I have never seen before. I saw a woman board a flight in a bikini. Not just a bikini, but a bikini top that barely, and I mean barely covered her nipples.

And I was like, like, if I hadn't had a mask on, she would've seen me go. Wait, and you saw our boobs, did it make you laugh? I was like, I'm ready to laugh, show me your boobs. Yeah, so, I mean, as soon as I saw them, I was like, What? But wait, hold on, so were they hungry tits? No, they were big fakers, she had big fakers.

Oh, yeah. She had like that type of this fabric, this size fabric over her nipples, you know? Like where it was just covering, which were hard. You could see that they were hard. And I was just like, what? And then, you know, she had like beads, like sexy beads around her neck.

And then she had a waist cover, but with one side completely open, and it went up and you saw that she was just wearing the bikini bottom, you know what I mean? So a cut, like a wrap, but exposed on one side. And I was like, I mean, I thought they were gonna say something on the plane, like, hey lady. They should, why are they letting people

wearing bathing suits on airplane? They let people dressed in and nothing now. Everyone's dick was hard, so everybody was like, yeah. Could you imagine if your dad was on the plane with you, you know how he can't keep anything cool? He would, the whole flight had been like, you see that lady? Where's she sitting, where's she sitting?

Where's she sitting, Tommy, is she sitting back there? Yeah, dad, we saw her board together. And was she flying coach, or she should be in first class, did she have like a sugar daddy with her? No, she was in coach. Oh, she a nasty hoe. I mean, I just, I... Wow, how are they letting people on airplanes

dressed like that? It would have been fun. I would have been so happy to be seated next to her because I just would have had to have been like, you look great. I love your outfit. You look beautiful today. Oh, thank you.

And it's cold. You think she'd be cold. It's freezing. Yeah. Man, they let people on the plane. Now, I mean, people wear their pajamas. People wear the crazy shit. House slippers, like no respect anymore.

They treat it like it's a fucking, what, like a local bus or something now. The tank top, like dudes, like in their arm, they reach out, you see their armpits. Oh, my God. And they're wearing flip flops and you're like, dude, for the flight?

Fucking people are walking around naked. Well, even in Austin, we were coming out from lunch the other day. There were so many people, like those shirtless hot guys jogging around. All over Austin. Yeah, it's the theme of the city. We saw a chick wearing a bikini top

and jeans shorts on her bike. Yeah. Now, she wasn't on a bike. She was walking. Oh, she was just walking. Yeah, she was just walking. So we're leaving the garage and she's walking down the garage,

you know, the ramp. Yeah. She's walking down in her bikini top and her jeans shorts. And I was like, and she had a small bikini on. And so as we drove up, I go like this to her, I go. And she was like. She did.

She gave you a nod. And Christina's next to me, she was like, yeah. You know what's happening. She's like, fucking hot. That was well, but she had a little hungry tits. She didn't have big fakers. Yeah, no. She had like Austin tiny tits.

Cause, well, cause the Austin girls are more natural. They're natural. They're like whole food titties. They don't get those big fakers here. Yeah. It's not like LA big old fake titties. Is that where you saw her board the plane in LA? Where was I? Where did I see her board that flight?

I don't know. I've been on so many planes. I don't remember. Was she coming from the Vegas pool? I don't know where she was. I don't know. It was not on my Vegas trip. No, it may, could it have been to Vegas?

I don't know. It was a while ago. I don't remember, but it was like, I just remember that I just could not. No, it wasn't on the flight to Vegas. It was leaving LA. It was leaving LA on a flight. So what was she hot? Was her face attractive?

She was like, fine. You weren't like, oh my God, what a smoke show. It was more like, I cannot believe that this is what you're wearing. I mean, and you have to understand that rap thing was like a barely rap. And it was only for the waist. Her top is fully exposed.

Everything. It's wild. It's wild. It was one of the coolest, best things I ever saw in my whole life. It was really cool. That sounds really cool. I'm jealous that you got to see that.

You know, I don't, we don't really have that much time with you. So I thought maybe if you were open to it. Before we get into that, can I show pictures of my Scoot Scoot? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me show you this real quick. So you haven't.

You know, it's hot outside, but if you wait till tomorrow, it's gonna be hot again. So this is your Scoot Scoot that you're scooting around in right here. There it is. I wanted to show you guys, because I talked about it before.

I've decorated the basket with some flowers. Yes, flowers in the basket. And you have a license plate on the handles. Yep. I had this one custom made on Amazon. Nadav, do you have the close-up photo of it? I have it, yeah. Well, I had it made on Amazon in Texas font.

It says FGTRTD. Got you my camera. Do the tricks you faggot. Okay. Four girls that ride till death. And I've had to explain that license plate a few times. Yeah, people are asking.

I was with you. I was with you once when somebody goes, what's that all about? And you guys just an inside thing joke. And they were like, okay. Yeah, my doctor asked. And I was like, oh, it's just a podcast joke. And then I was at the mall with you.

And they're like, what's that stand for? I'm like, it's four girls that ride till death. And they give that answer. And they're like, yeah. Oh, okay. There's Miss Scoot Scoot. It's that it is, it does stand for that. And of course it does.

Yeah, because you're... First good tongue ruins that dick. Replaces, right? Replaces that dick. Sorry. Yeah. Sorry. And also I want to show some cool injury x-ray photos.

I don't think I share those with you guys. Those are flowers, by the way. You have very nice flowers there. Those are my flowers are closed up there. I spent many hours decorating the basket. And I might have to start a small Scoot Scoot decorating enterprise here. Yeah.

If you've recently been in an accident, you want me to cheer you up, decorate your Scoot Scoot. Hit me up. Okay, so you want to show the photo of the bone out of the joint? Or what do you want to show? Yeah, I think that'd be fun, the x-rays. Because there are people on the internet who don't believe me.

Well, there's that. So it popped out there. That's the dislocated ankle. Yeah. And then I broke two bones down there. And then I broke the upper. Oh, there you go. So there's the, you can see that,

you can see the fibula broken on the right side of the screen. And then you can see that the dislocation, see the big bone that's out of the socket there. So they had to put that back into the socket. And then they had to surgically repair the fractured fibula there at the bottom. And then at the top too, they put it back. Yeah, well, at the top, you were lucky

in that they didn't have to adjust the, you had a second fracture. It was smaller, but the bone never moved. So they were like, we're just going to let it sit and it'll just fuse back together. At the top of your fibula. Hmm. I thought I broke it in two places down below.

No, so your, your bone was out of the socket, right? So they had to re, like they had to put that back in, right? So that's not a break, but that's a dislocation. Then your fibula broke in two spots, same bone, but a more, the lower break was more significant. So that's where they had the screws in the plates. The upper fracture was small, but the bone never shifted there.

So they just let it, they let it set as is. They didn't put anything on it and they go, it's just going to fuse back together. Nice. So there's screws. Yeah. That's what you're, that's what's going on. It's the hardware on the inside now. Yeah.

Pretty cool. Yeah. I thought these are cool photos. Just wanted to share. Yeah, of course. They're interesting. I think it's interesting. And now I can feel the, the metal here. Oh, and that's my meat stick

when it first came out a week after. Yeah. You can see the stitches and, and then how meaty it was. And there's the back. Yup. So gnarly. But now it's totally, you know, almost totally sealed up the wound. And then two weeks I should be able to walk.

Wow. Hopefully swimming by the end of this week. Yeah. Pretty crazy. Can I tell you though, because this has happened to me, I was, I was watching the episode with Ian Bagg and horrible or hilarious. And I find that segment so much funnier now

because I've been injured. I think that now I realized like, oh, fucking pussies. Like, so what? You broke your hips. Like, you know, because I was watching the video, the guy jumping off the roof in those boots and how his legs locked. That guy had, that guy has

super traumatic injuries from that. I mean, it might be complete and total reconstruction of his lower body. I know I laughed so hard. I would say that his knees, possibly ankles, hips, maybe his femur, like he is fucked. And it is one of the craziest things to think you can do. I can't, I can't, I can't.

By the way, and then to plead right down that I need you to text me that video because I want to send it to my doctor. I want to be like, hey, man, you think this guy's all right? Yeah. Or what are the possible injuries? But I did laugh harder now, having, now when I watch injury videos, I laugh.

Because I, I don't know, I relate now. I'm like, oh, it's fine. Yeah, I feel the same way about COVID, you know, 19 virus. Because I had it and I'm like, it's not that big a deal. All right, so. Okay, let's do this. Let's do your talks. Ready?

So excited. Yeah. Here we go. I miss these. I don't know, these are all, of course, if you don't know Christina's curations. I don't know any of these. I haven't seen them yet.

Here we go. Well, my two dark friends, how are y'all doing? Is there any women out there that need a good man? Is there any little scrimmage over? Man, I'm gonna be singing the rest of my life, I guess. If I know a good woman, everybody's gonna use you. My money's in the car, it's in the nation. Okay.

This is the singles ad. Yeah, the singles ad is one of my favorite things. And yeah, he wants a woman that's not gonna screw him over, which is always a, it's a good way to like meet somebody. Are you gonna screw me over? Okay. Yeah. You think you're better than me?

I'm Robert Manson with the Reverse Plurie Magnet Helmet. This helmet will heal and help with CTE, Alzheimer's dementia. Alzheimer's? As well as help you to pull out of any kind of weirdness and it goes in your head. This is my helmet, it's made of brass bronze and silver. This one's a connection to the divine, the enlightened.

You know, I mean, my third eye opened and my chakras are lying, that's why we're armor. The only way to, the only way to free your chakras from what the construct brings, it throws you out of balance so you never can use your full alignment all up to your crown,

is you got a shield that you got to armor and then it's full power. Okay. So thank you for flagging that. It's a really interesting guy. He's got all his chakras are aligned and all the weirdness in his head has gone away because he's got his cool helmet on.

So that's good. Jesus Christ, babe. You know, you're not excited that this guy knows these secrets to the world and to existence and stuff. Give it a shot. Is it burning or just by hand? Just feel it.

Think it's Jesus? Yeah. Boom. Finish it, Lord. If Jesus really did that to me, I would be in church every Sunday, I promise. Yeah. You know?

Wouldn't you? Yeah. If you could get that? Yeah, if I could experience that for sure. For sure. But instead, you know. It looks like, was Jesus making her come? It looked like she was.

Could you? I'm looking for girls for plus eight. That's Jesus right there. It's an audio clip of Jesus. Here we go. Hey, what are all you guys doing, living with these chicks that you're not married to? This is a bad idea.

This is brought up in a comment, couple comments on the last video, and I would have to agree. This is a real quick way to fuck up your life for all you young dudes. If you're not going to marry her, don't live with her. What do you think of that? Well, I'd like to ask you,

what do you think of that and the dudes in the booth? I mean, I think he's got a nice tan. I thought we were going to talk about his tan, but. Oh, he's handsome. He's a good looking guy. He's got that nice bungalow style house behind him. I mean, I think he's speaking from experience. I don't think it's like a philosophy on the world

that he's always carried. I think this reads to me like, I lived with some chicks that fucked shit up for me. So that's why it's a bad idea now. Because I don't think you have to subscribe to that notion that you can never live with someone you're not going to marry. You know. Yeah, you can live with somebody.

When I die, will you just live with somebody? Yeah. Or will you get married again? You know, I don't know. I don't know if I would get married again. I mean, I figure you've got a couple of years, but I feel like I think I might just, you know, what's that face for?

A couple of years. I feel like you're going to live a couple more years. Yeah. And then. At least, I hope. Right. So let's say tops five years. You think Betsy's going to outlive me?

Jesus Christ, Tom. It's possible. So five years from now, you're long gone. It's like, what am I going to do? I figure, I figured I would see somebody, but yeah, I don't think I'm not going to be like, hey, move in, you know? So yeah, I mean, maybe later.

Like maybe I'll do that old person marriage thing, you know? Like you've been gone. You've been gone, you know, 25, 30 years. And then I go, I'd really like to marry someone right before I die or something, you know? Yeah, but you might be so grouchy by then. Because you get real weird when you're alone and you get into like a lone guy vibes, grouchy bear vibes.

I kind of feel like the older you get. Yeah, the grouchier. That chick doesn't get in in your positive years. Yeah. Not going to be good. You're not going to want it. Yeah, you know why you leave me alone. What do you think you would do?

You think you're going to remarry or just live? Would you live with somebody else? I might live with like a girlfriend, like a friend, like golden girls. I might live with just like. Oh, yeah. A lot of ladies do that. Yeah.

Yeah. I might live with female friends and have dogs. Be one of those ladies. Bang dudes on the weekends and stuff like, you know, because I really didn't get to try out these apps and stuff because I was married. So like maybe in my second life, I can just live with a bunch of other older hoes and then, you know, go on Cougar Life

or whatever, whatever there is. And just bang dudes on apps. That's who you are. You're a dude banging app chick. I'll become one in my older years because, A, there's no pregnancy threat. I'm not going to get pregnant anymore. And B, if I get AIDS, who cares?

I'm going to die soon anyways. OK, let's go to the next clip. Since I became a Baltituba, people always ask me how I swim in the pool as an orthodox Jewish woman. And it's actually pretty easy. I make sure to wear a swimsuit that covers my collarbone, my elbows and my knees. And I make sure that I swim in a pool that's just for myself

or only for females. Pretty easy. OK. It's actually pretty easy. I just have to find a suit that covers my collarbone, my elbows, and then I wear some of the lemon pants that I've modified to go to the shin. And then I wear a skirt over that.

And I have to find a pool with just other orthodox women. But it's super easy. It's chill. It seems fun. I can see Nadav nodding along. He's into it. He likes it. Well, Nadav, would you bang her?

No. There you go. Wow. Yep. OK. Tom, would you bang her? You're not married to me. You bang the orthodox?

No, I'm not interested. Thank you. An orthodox, anything is not of interest to me. Yeah, I want someone who's like, hey, I have these crotchless bikini bottoms on. That's more my speed, you know? Not like I covered my collarbone. Like this chick's definitely not munchin' scrum,

if you know what I mean. No. But why don't you like to make her cry, Trine? Yeah. Yeah. I could see you enjoying that, but eat my scrum. Come here, come here, come here. Yeah.

Go to Isaiah 47 sometime, look at verse one through three, and see how God defines nakedness. So make him bear the thigh, the thigh. Pants or jeans that hug the buttocks, the thighs, and the crotch. By the way, that's not a coarse word. It's the seam or the place with the legs of a pair of pants meet.

That is a magnet to men's eyes. A bear midriff and back. So we go from the J's to the C's, and we, two really cool examples. Well, I thought it was interesting that he went to. If you go to this type of church, can you imagine how fucked your brain is? Like, do you hear this shit, and you have to be like,

oh, so no more looking at girls in pants? I know. So crazy. But specifically, jeans, which I thought was interesting because he's hugging your buttocks. Yeah, he's a fan of your mom's house, and I feel like he wanted to get ahead of that. Yeah.

Yeah, we should definitely explore this more. Let's pull this clip. Yeah. Well, Jean, that's it. Really fun batch of talks. Thanks for pulling those for today. We got it. We miss you here.

You may be, you're going to be doing the remote thing for a minute, but then maybe pretty soon, you'll be on one of these trips out here, and then hopefully we'll have our Austin studio up and ready in a couple, I don't know, a month or two or something. I don't know. Every time I ask, they're like,

yeah, no, they're working on it. Okay. But you're like, you're right, it's super hot. And you don't know tomorrow it is going to be hot, but. It might be too hot to fucking fix it right now. Okay. That's it, Jean. I love you.

Love you too. We'll see you guys. You're gorgeous. Bye. Bye, Jean. Bye. And we're back, and so is our guest for the second time. Super happy to welcome back this guest who,

you can check out his podcast every Monday, George Perez Stories. I'm happy to welcome back George Perez. Thank you for coming, man. Very happy to see you. Thank you. Thank you. It was an awesome appearance last time that you were here.

You had amazing stories. And I assume that on the podcast, you share all types of wild shit that you've done and. Yeah. The wildlife you've lived. You got cholo fans. I do. Yeah, they were hitting me up.

A-homes, tell Tom to bring you back. Nice. What's up, cholos? What's up, cholos? What's up, cholos? What's up, cholos? What's up, cholos? What's up, cholos?

What's up, cholos? What's up, cholos? What's up, cholos? What's up, cholos? What's up, cholos? The last thing you got here was we were talking about how, you know, with COVID and the pandemic, everybody had to take time off.

Yeah. It's that weird thing. Like, if you don't know this about stand-ups, basically, you know, you can take like five days off a week and you're fine. Usually, like, if you haven't done a show in a couple weeks, that first time, it feels a little weird, you know, like a little weird.

Like, maybe you fuck up a setup or something because you haven't done stand-up in a few weeks. Yeah. If you get to, like, for me personally, or something, that was, like, the longest I'd ever taken off before. Now, with the pandemic, you know, I had months off and that first time back, it feels weird. After a few days, though, after a few shows,

you're like, oh, yeah, like, it just comes, it kind of comes back, but it takes a second. And you mentioned you actually had a real long break. Yeah, I took three years off because of prison. Yeah. And that had to be, do you remember that first show back? I remember it, like, I'll never forget it. Joey Diaz.

You did it with him? Yeah, he was like, look, I know you don't got no money. Stop having pride. I was scared to do comedy, Tom. I bet. No, that, I would feel the same fear. Yeah. Because it is scary when you have, when you feel like,

do I even know how to do this anymore? No. Well, it's like reprogramming. I was put into another world. I was like, I wasn't, I didn't want no one around. I was like, how many people are going to be there? He's like, 500. I was like, what the fuck?

Where was it? It was at the Brea Improv. Okay. And I ain't going to lie, like, prison fucked me up as far as, like, I haven't even talked to a black person in three years. Right. And then I was still, like, tripping.

Like, if these fools don't laugh, I'll stab them. Yep. Yeah. Then, like, it was weird because, like, no timing. Nothing. Right. Nothing. How did it go?

Like, did it go, did it go better than, like, it didn't go as bad as it could have gone, right? It did. It did? Yeah. How bad? Because, like, I was bombing for the first, like, six minutes. Uh-huh.

And then I was just looking at the clock and it was like, 24 more minutes. No. He put you on for that long? Yeah. He was like, you got to do 30 if you're going to get the 500. That's such a joey thing to do. And I'm bombing, but he's laughing. Oh, he's loving it.

Yeah. And, like, how you said something came upon me and I was just like, you know what? You don't have material. Make fun of the crowd. And I just started making fun of the crowd and then a joke came that I made fun of the crowd. Like, there's, like, a little, I have, like, a little autistic fool that lives in my head. He's like, try this one.

Try that one. Try that one. And, like, it was like, oh, shit, I finally read the one and boom, it went. And then it just, like, opened everything up. Like, how you said it just. Yeah. Everything changes. It's like sometimes somebody, people ask me, they're like, are you nervous?

Like, when you go up there and I kind of go like, well, nervous, I don't think I'm nervous. I do think the bigger the show, naturally, your nerves grow. And sometimes you're like, all right, I got some, like, some butterflies. You know, this is like some really big venue or something. And it's always that thing where as soon as you get that first laugh, it's like, it's like, yeah, everything dissipates and you're like ready to do it. But until that, or like, if you're nervous, if you feel those butterflies and you say something and it doesn't get a laugh, those nerves grow a little bit and you're like,

oh, fuck. Yeah. You're looking for that first. It's like a stripper when she's trying to get a dance and the guy's like, nah. Oh. Like, there's a fifth dude. No, but you know. Have you seen girls break down trying to get.

Hold me. I've seen girls cry. Because no one wants them. And yeah. And, like, I have to explain to them, like, you got to understand, these are weird dudes. Guys who come to strip clubs on the regular ain't fools that get pussy. Right. It's fools that stink.

Yeah. Or they're like weird or they have like an eye that don't work or something. Yeah. Yeah. And that's where they're at every week. I have a customer that goes and I know this for more than my own family. Really? For the last eight years, he comes in three days a week.

And this dude, he definitely doesn't get laid on his own. Never. I think he's married. Oh, really? It's just the vibe that's in there. The, how can I say it? A stripper has a better act than all of us. They can put a front on you.

Yes. Oh, vicious. Vicious. They know how to do the game. It's a game. It's basically. Straight up. Yeah.

Like when I go to strip clubs, I have to lie to other strippers because if I tell them I'm a DJ, they're like, oh, fuck this fool. He knows. He knows. I'm like, oh, I work at doltalk old drive through. Yeah. Oh, you tell them a whole other story. Hell.

If you want to experience the fun. Tell me. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Some of them got game. Yeah. And even your brain is telling you this person is basically in a way fucking with me, but

it's enjoyable. This is an enjoyable way that you're fucking with me. Like when those fools were listening to Hitler, they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, those fucking fools. I mean, Nazi Germany were like, yo, this dude can spit games. That might be the best thing I've ever heard on the show. Oh man. Fuck.

Yeah. I guess you're right. It is like, if someone's, if sometimes you know that somebody is like, like you ever have the like a street, like a dude on the street like spit and like you want to buy this wine. He's hustling. Uh-huh. Sometimes your brain goes like, nah, get the fuck away from me.

But if it's like a charming, like a funny guy or something, you know someone's fucking with you. Yeah. And you're like, all right. Like you're, something happens where I think your brain just goes like, this is, there's a, there's a pleasurable experience happening at the same time, you know, like it's like a salesman thing. Yeah.

Sometimes someone's trying to sell you. And that's, that's what a stripper essentially is. She's a saleswoman. Yeah. She's a saleswoman, you know. The last club in this girl was like, fine, fine. Yeah. She was like, look, full, I'm real.

Lay, I don't do all this other shit. And I go, look, look, I don't want real when I, I want fake. Yeah. I want you to tell me my shoes are dope. Yeah. You like my tattoos. Yeah. Because real is when I fucking leave this shit and my girlfriend's wondering why I didn't

answer it. That's real. Right. I'm paying for you to entertain me. Yes. Thank you. And how did she respond? She was just like, half hours, two fifty.

You're like, that's too real. I don't want that because I know you're not going to do nothing if you're real. Yeah. I'm cool. Yeah. Put the fucking, put the game on me, man. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I've had some chicks like, oh, I watch all your comedy, George Lopez. I'm like, George Perez, bitch. What's that? This stripper coming, George Lopez. Lopez. She's like, it's halfway there, man. Yeah.

But it's all good. Man, kind of all this talk of strip clubs makes me want to go. You guys want to go to strip club after this? When? Sure. Yeah. Oh, he's, he was right on this. Were you ever like a strip club dude?

I've gone, the most fun I ever had a strip club was with a group, like a group outing. You know, so I did a bachelor party. I took one of my good friends for his, it wasn't a, the most fun was like with a group of college friends and it was for somebody's bachelor party. Where was this at? We did it twice. One, one of the guys in North Carolina, one of the guys in South Florida, South Florida ones are wild.

Wild. Wild. But I want to hear about this North Carolina, like what's the race, is it just like white and black girls? Yeah. And that shit was not good, but that's what made it hilarious is that the guy that was getting married, we got the brocus most busted, tore ass, like just nobody would ever want to see this person.

You wouldn't even want to see her in a dress, let alone naked. Yeah, in the dark. We were like, put it on him. We gave her like five hundred, we're like, fucking sit him down and work him out. And she was like, okay. I mean, she was just a disaster. So the whole time he had this like defeated look on his face and we were just dying laughing. Because we kept giving her money, like go back to him and he was like, fuck, stop.

He's like, I got skin work. Yeah, it was terrible. That shit was the most fun. I didn't ever go, I went once alone on the road and I felt so depressed being there alone. Kind of does. When I go alone sometimes, I just go alone sometimes to look the way the clubs ran. Like, oh, shit. I like the way they run this.

Then sometimes I'm just like, what the fuck are you doing there? Yeah, yeah. As soon as I was like, what am I doing? It's not like, I think at this age now that the fun still would be in the group out. If you get like a group of your friends together and do something like that, that'd be cool. Right now is the best time to go. Your wife has a broken leg. Bro.

She can't barge in there and do shit. No the fuck out. We'll record this, just wait till we're done. Yeah, take the dove. He'll go. Hey, I've been there where the wives come in. Really? Dude.

It's fucking crazy. One time sisters came in and so the parents died and they left the trust fund in all their names and this fool was drawing like $15,000 every month. And the sisters came in and they jumped the girl and they were like, hey, you owe us $30,000. I don't know you shit. And it's wild. Wow.

Yeah. Yeah, if you get to the point, well, with anything that it's so out of balance for you that you're just spending, I mean, you got a problem, like things are, you're fucked. You know what I mean? If you're doing that with cocaine, with strippers, you're ruined, man, but I don't know. I still think it'd be fun to do the group out. I also don't feel like the strip clubs are that big a deal though. I get that some wives would do that.

I don't think my wife would be like, I'm going to storm into the club. I'd be like, what are you doing? Yeah, like what dude? I'd be like, do you like your fucking car? Get back in it. Get out of here. Thank you. Thank you.

She's going to hate this episode. I'm going to have a broken leg next. Man. Jesus Christ. Where do you, where's the, like, have you been to a South Florida one? No. People, because I tour so much, they always ask that and I go, in my experience, really the only ones I really know are a couple LA ones I've been to in South Florida.

The South Florida ones are way crazy. I make it a point to every time I tour in the city, I go into, to go to that strip club. Really? Yeah. Just to see, and they're all weird. Like in Denver, it's bring your own beer. That's weird. Yeah.

In Texas, you can walk in with a cooler. Really? Full of everything. Hey, guys. I feel like the thing that got me, I told somebody that when I first got to LA, I'm like 22, and I had friends from college. We moved here together. And so we're like, let's go to this strip club, I think on Sunset.

That's called the Body Shop. Yeah. Sorry. No, no. And we walked in there and I was like, let's get a drink. And they're like, oh, you can't. And I was like, what do you mean? And they go, it's full nude here.

Yeah. And I was like, so? Yeah. If you want to drink, you have to go to a partial. I was like, what? Because I was used to those Miami, Lauderdale ones that are insane. And it's alcohol. Everyone's fully naked.

And they're crazy. They're crazy. And they're open to seven. You walk out of those places as the sun comes up. Yeah. I've only done that in TJ. Those are the next. We got jumped.

You got jumped? Yeah. We went to TJ. I was like 20. And there was another gang there from America that we didn't get along with. Oh, fuck. And I took my shirt was off and I'm all tattooed up. And that's what was like.

What the fuck? And I was like, oh, shit, where I had a nut on me and shit. I got socked the fuck up. I got socked up with a nut on me. What do you mean with nut on you? What? The strip clubs in TJ are like whorehouses. So she was righting me and then I was going to nut and she came off and then the condom

came off and it just smeared all over me, dude. It was like a cholo glazed donut. I have come all over my face. Okay. And I don't want to put my shirt on. Right. Because you got nut all over you. So I was like, yo, let me get a thwaya.

Let me get a thwaya. The knifel was like, what? And I was just like, I just seen it come. And I mean, you saw all kinds of kinds of this fool socked me and I was just like, you guys are going to get nut on yourselves as well. How many guys jumped you? Three of them. So then you're just laying on the ground.

No, like they broke it up and then my friends came and then, but you don't want to start shit in TJ bro. Fuck no. So we just, we paid the federal, here's a hundred bucks misunderstanding. Yeah. And then just got the fuck out of there. Got out of there. Crossed right over, came back.

That's, yeah. And those fools were also from the US though, right? Yeah, they were from Santana. And yeah, it was, it was, it was funny to like, we did crazier shit on the way home that I didn't want to talk about, but like, I'll never forget this trip. My baby's mom, I seen her with another dude out there. On this trip? Yeah.

It was in TJ. In TJ. What? It was wild. It was a wild thing. So you're just like having a drink, walking around and you just spot her? Uh-huh. And that's why I was like, fuck this shit.

I'm going to go bowing a chick tonight. Oh, I got you. And then we went in there and I was like, damn, I, she probably told those fools to follow me in there. Now that I think about it. You're just putting that together right now? Yeah. Duke, she's a, my first baby's mom, fucking wild.

She has eight kids from like six dudes. What? Yeah. She knows more Cholos than the Raiders. For real. Eight kids? Yeah. Damn.

Yeah. I have custody. I'm the first one. And it's weird. Like, yeah. It's weird. That's rare. Yeah.

You have full custody? Yeah. I've had full custody of him since he was four. That's rare. Yeah. He still lives with me 25. He's 25. Fucking bastard.

Damn, dude. You know what's crazier about that is some of his friends, I strip at the clubs I've worked at. Some of his friends? Yeah. They're like, hey, you're Georgie's dad. I was like, you know my son? And they're like, yeah, I was with him.

No shit. Yeah. How many times have you had, like, so you know how you were in TJ and those dudes right, they're like, see what you're shirt off and they're like, hey, who are you or whatever, it starts shit. Uh huh. Has that happened a bunch of times to you? Yeah.

It has. I've done it in response too. And now that I think about it, like, it's kind of like, yo, like we know, like when I go somewhere and I'm gonna wear a long sleeve, hey, these fools, I'm gonna, I'm 44 now. Yeah. You know, but like back then they'd be like, we're in a fucking tank top, what's so, this is who I am, what's so, ah, shit.

And right away they would see what kind of tats they were and know, damn. Yeah. That's why I trip out that tattoos are the thing now, like to me. Tattoos are so, you know, did I tell you the story about the dude that I worked with that had like cholo, like gangbanger tattoos, but he wasn't in a gang. Oh, that's a no, no. And you know what happened to him though? He got his karma back at him.

He got a DUI, right? Which you think, okay. Oh, shit. So we got, when he got his DUI, he got, he got taken to the towers downtown. That's no joke. That's no joke. And the sheriff there, when they're like, you know, processing them, they're like, because so he's half Mexican and he's half Irish, but he looks like a, like a, whatever it looks

like a Mexican dude looks like skin Mexican dude. Just like genetically, he's got all these crazy tats because he's trying to look hard, you know. So they're processing them and they're like, are you a Soreño or Daniel? He just says one of them, you know, like, you know, Soreño or whatever. And they're like, all right. Get over there. You fucking being like, right.

He's like, they're super racist, right? Like the, the. Sheriff's. Yeah. Call me a pecker with just like everyone's broken down by race and they send them to the gymnasium, which is loaded. It's over. It's overrun.

So they got bunks where you should have a gym, right? And it's all like, whatever. So Daniels and they're telling him that he gets in and the guy's like, I fool, like this is like, this is how you walk this line and go to the bathroom and I've been there. I've been there. Yeah. You know, I'm telling the audience. So, so like, you know, they're telling them like.

You're like the shot color. I like how you're doing it. They hones. That's all right. You know, these black fools don't fuck with it. So he's the town of everything. He's of course in a full panic for a number of reasons. One of which is that he has lied and said that he's like running with this, this group

of people, basically, and he's got a DUI. He thinks he's going to be in a holding for like a few hours and release. He is a day while he just got in one of the inmates in that gymnasium goes up to a female guard and punches her in the face. It's on full on riot followed by full on lockdown of the entire twin tower. He's like absolute mayhem, right? The worst possible thing that could happen to you on date, especially if you're not cut out for this shit.

Right. So he's like, oh, so he's still thinking, well, I'm in here for DUI. So I'll be released here in a few hours or something. But I mean, it's an investigation going on now. Full investigation. He thinks he can just go up to like, you know, like you're at fucking Starbucks. I talked to the manager, so he's like, hey, he goes up to a guard and he's like, hey, guard. And he goes, hey, you fucking bean, like writes, like tells him he's like, fuck off, you fucking

beaner. He's like, what the fuck? Like he's trying to say, like, I think I shouldn't and they're like, shut the fuck up, beaner. Like I just keep walking. He's like, guess how long he stays in jail? Two weeks. Wow.

Two weeks. Did they get him with the riot? They didn't get him with that. What happened was he would, he would try to talk to people, like to guards and everyone he said would just be like, shut the fuck up, like, and just be like fully racist to him, like the guards just spit at him. Then he goes, I haven't shit now in those two weeks, not one shit. And I'm like, what are you talking about?

He goes, every time I would go to the bathroom, I would drop my pants and sit down. And if anybody walked in, I would think that they might be trying to like kill me or something. Yeah. And I would put my pants up and he's like, my body just shut it down. Like I just didn't go. And then after two weeks, they actually didn't release him. They transferred him to Wayside to the, the one in the valley. Yeah.

Wayside. The Wayside, that's where they call it. They call it like the Hyatt or the Hilton, like jokingly. Oh, I don't know that one. He said that he said they call it the, like the Hilton because compared to the downtown He's gangster now. He knows the term. Oh yeah.

Yeah. He's like, he goes, then I was out there. We were playing cars and shit was cool. And then at one point, one of the guards was like, what are you in here for? He's like, I got a DUI and they're like, what the fuck? He shouldn't even be here, man. And, and then they released him. And then his dad, who he, his dad is not his mom's Mexican, the, the dad's not.

Dad was like, where the fuck have you been? He's like, I was on vacation and I didn't tell you. And I'll be, and all this is basically because he has crazy tats that he shouldn't have. He's lucky, man. Cause like if I would have seen him, I would have been like, where'd you get that? Yeah. Who gave you that? How didn't he?

Yeah. He was like, yeah. I was like, no, that's Kavon D minus homie, come here. Come over here, dude. Yeah. No, I've been called out on tattoos before where someone's like, who gave you that? And I get told them and they're like, all right, you're good. You're good.

Where did you get that? So you like, you have like all of those are like earned a tats for you. Yeah. Or like, yeah, like, yeah, I don't want to put too much out. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And it's, and it's all by somebody that somebody knows.

Well, see the thing now, Tom is like, there's so many dropouts and like there's so many, what I mean by dropout is gang members that I've dropped out and their PC protective custody snitches, rapists, all that bullshit. Yeah. I only get tattooed by people that I know are mainline, like real solid. Like I only get tattooed by three dudes, two dudes and I was locked up with them. Okay. Yeah.

Can you get those inside too? I'm always amazed when people. 80% of my tattoos are inside. How can they do like high like proficiency tattooing inside? It's how it's done. Like it's better than the shop. I wouldn't say that, but yeah, look, so say you're my celly. Yeah.

All right. And then I'm a tattoo artist. I'm like, yo man, get down on me. So usually you don't ask your celly, your cell is going to be like, Hey, I'd be like, you know what, Tom, you're fucking down homie. We love how you broke your wife's leg. I might get my first tattoo because of this. And you know, we heard you're the Starbucks killer.

So like, we would like, it would be something that you're like, we drew this for your homes. Where do you want it? It'd be like, or some fools, it's their hustle and like they have a portfolio. Fools have been in there for 15, 20 years. They just like, Oh, I got this one. Oh, shit. Yeah. It's fine.

And then you get the deodorant, put it on, slap it on. You make ink with like, so you get like a, if you want blue ink, you get the, the razors rather blue razors. Yeah. And you burn them in a paper bag and you let the suck rise up and then you scrape it. You put it like in a little medicine thing, put a rock in there with a little water and you shake it for like two weeks and now you made ink. Whoa.

Yeah. You guys are, it's always the most resourceful shit. Like it's crazy that. Cholamagaivers everywhere. Cholamagaivers, but like, it's also amazing how adaptive human beings are. Oh yeah. You put them in and you're like, there's nothing here and people come out fully inked up. Like the fuck?

How'd you get all inked up? It's great. You know what I mean? Like if you think that it can't happen and those look like, you know, like you got them in a shop, man. Yeah. No, people would be like, who did that? I was like, Oh, that's sleepy.

He's dead. Sleepy. He went to sleep. Yeah. Yeah. It's all like, that's crazy, man. That's wild. That's wild.

Yeah. It's a trip. One time I got one. So I was living in, like when you're in prison, you're, it's all by a point system. The more violent the crime, the more violent people you're going to be around. So I had a very violent crime. So I ended off in a three yard. That's like people doing 15 to 20 years murderers and all like gangster ass fools.

Yeah. And then there it was like, you know, it's, I came in as a comedian and I was in there and I was like, fuck that. No jokes. Cause people are going to get offended by like any sarcasm. Yeah. So I went to a two yard after that, my points dropped. And in a two yard, it's a huge dormitory, a hundred, I would say a hundred inmates living

in a dorm, probably from this wall to the beginning of your office. And we were making tattoo guns and I was getting tattooed, I was getting the one on my leg. It's a big grim reaper. And then one of the guys goes, they're raiding the dorms. So this fucking fool gets the tattoo gun and puts it up his ass. Whoa. But not, not all the way up, like, like cheat, like right there. And like, he was like, hey, homie, if you want this ink, what do you want to do right

now? And I was like, fuck, the tattoo is halfway done. I need this. I can't change. I just fucking put it in a little like, we have like little stuff right there, a little thing. Put it in. And I just remember they ended up catching my homie with the fucking tattoo gun.

They did. Yeah, I was, it's not finished yet. Is it still not done? No, it's halfway done. Well, I can't find them. And it's kind of disrespect to have someone else, but I'm going to give it like a year or two. Okay.

Yeah. It's right here. Oh, I see. Okay. I'm going to go inside. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. That's crazy, man.

Yeah. I don't, you have to have like a look at the whole time you're doing that too, right? Yeah. I mean, you can't get busted. Well, we're in a dorm and you're in a bunk in the bunk's face like this. Yeah. So you have a homie out there and he'll just go, or like, what? Yeah.

Cholo whistle. I don't know how. Yeah. Everyone makes up the new cholo whistle. Have you heard it? No. That's it? I don't know.

Okay. For us, it was. That means. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, yo, the one time's here.

Yeah. Yeah. So I was, yeah, it was weird. So that's crazy, dude. That's wild. And then, but also some of those guards probably, I mean, some of them don't give a fuck. That's what I'm saying. They probably, I don't want to fuck with.

But it wasn't the guards. They have this thing called gooners. Gooners like, what's that shit called when the cops are basically the other cops? Internal affairs? Yeah, internal affairs. It's internal affairs, cops for prison. And they search cops too and all that shit. Oh, so they're making sure that cop is doing his rounds and everything.

Oh, not even rounds, bringing in dope, gun, whatever, all that crap. You had guards that would do that. I don't know. Right. Okay. You must have heard stories. That's too crazy. Do you know who Adriana Chechek is?

No. Who's that? That's a really, really cool porn star. Oh, I think I do now. Yeah, you do. Yeah. She's pretty great. And we played a clip of her talking about her work coming up one week.

Do you know what that clip is called so I can show it first? It's in the folder that you have. Oh, it is. You're right. So we played this and we were just like laughing about it. Okay. I'm doing a DP on Friday, a DP on Saturday before my dunk tank, so I'm going to get home at two.

I have a hard out at my two because I didn't want to fuck up my, the dunk tank and carnival thing I'm doing for tWish. So DP Friday, DP Saturday, Sunday, DP, and Monday, boy, girl, anal, see that. I'm like, oh my God, this is going to be a funness weekend and at least I'll be like stretched out. So that's good. So pretty cool. Right.

Hold on. What the fuck's a DP? Double penetration. Two dicks. Two dicks. Yes. So we were going stage with two mics and she's taking two dicks. Yeah.

So we played this and we were like, this is amazing. You know, that's just funny that that's, that's her weekend, right? DP Friday, DP Saturday, DP Sunday, boy, girl, ain't like, God damn, we were just laughing about it and thought it was a funny clip. And then somebody sent us in this. Did you see you appeared on YMH podcast, doomers? Yes. Between him and Bert, Tom Segura and Bert Chrysler, I'm just wondering if they want to

get a DP going or if they want to, you know, hit me up for, for any double action. Dude, imagine a fucking threesome with Bert, he'd be all giggly. Yeah. Yeah. You would. I'd be like, stop laughing, dude. I'm trying to come. Yeah.

He'd be like, give me cool later. I'm thirsty. If both of those two men want to put their podcast where their dick is, then find me. They know where I am. You guys got called out, tried to try to reach out to Bert a few times and nothing ever followed through. Hey, Bert, you fucking idiot. I fucked a porn star once.

You did a couple of times because we have feature night at the strip club where a porn star comes. Some fools fly in just to, oh, wow, because they've never seen her in person. Right. And they're like, oh, I got to see her. I was like a 10 minute show on stage and they charge like 300 bucks for a lap dance. Wow. And yeah, the craziest one we had was Bridget the Midget.

Yeah. Dude, we got her so coked out and fuck, we had to carry her. We almost fought. It was fucking crazy. And you hooked up with one? Yeah. But it was weird. It was like fucking a catcher's mitt.

Really? Yeah, because it was like, no, I was like, was it like end of the night? Like everything's kind of over? No. It was in the middle. And she knew you were working there or no? Yeah. Well, like, so they go on stage and then they get like a rest period and she was like, what's

so, where's the coke at? And I was like, I got it right here. And then she was like, all right, we were doing something. She's like, do some off my pussy. And I was like, I'm fucking, I'm down. And then, you know, like I kind of slipped and then she's like, oh, you want, you want this? And I was like, you don't say no.

Yeah. And I was like, all right, fuck it. And then like, it was weird though, because like, I thought I was going to put work in, you know? And she looked at me with like, oh, this is so fucked up. Like you ever seen the movie Precious? Yeah. Yeah.

The girl's getting raped by her dad and she just looking at them all weird. I saw this chick, I just remember her. That's how sex was and like, fuck the part is I nutted super fast. You did. Because I was scared too. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, but it was consensual, bro.

I was just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was, and then afterwards it was like treating me like nothing never happened, nothing gave me money for the coke carry. And I was like, oh, she, she well known, like you don't have to say her, but she, she well known really. Yeah. She ended up boning everybody that night, I think. Cool.

She does sound cool. Yeah. Yeah. So Adriana, I want to say that if Christina breaks her other leg, I'm down. We just need something to happen to her first. You just fucked yourself. What's up? Something's gonna happen.

Oh, shit. Oh, man. But she's lovely. Isn't she? Dude, she's cool. I love porn stars. They have like a comedic to them. They are.

They are. A lot of them are really funny. I would say we've actually, I pointed out like this is a person, her and I, we've actually talked about the fact that everyone that we've met, at least on this show from the adult business, they've been absolutely super cool, nice, front, like probably outside of what people's thought, you know, would be opinion would be on somebody from that industry. Just outgoing, gracious, like really cool, really nice. They've always been really, really friendly.

Yeah. With me, they're, I don't know, I've had some fucking crazy ones too. Well, you, but you've also been more deep in it. Yeah. They come as guests. Like, I'm like, yeah, we hire them and stuff. We've had some crazy shit happen before. Yeah.

Yeah. Or it's like they do drugs and like one of them almost OD'd. I think that's the part that really takes it to another level is when people start doing drugs. They're partying all the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Coming here is like, let's have fun. Let's talk. You know, everyone's. Yeah. Like if you're in that party atmosphere, that's a different thing because that's when everyone's demons come out. You go like, you know, the roof's dark, the music, I've partied a couple of times, but long time ago.

All right. I would love to do coke with you one day, Tom. Yeah. That's, I would love to do coke with you, George. Two bumps, one straw. New podcast. Hey, we'll just be all yeet out at real people. You know, I haven't done that.

I've never done coke, actually. No way. Never. Because I OD'd when I was 19 on GHB and I took a bunch of it, I drank a bunch and took pills. I ended up in a coma and what I always say is that I was on the natural path of like trying things, like experimenting more. But because it's such a traumatizing thing to OD, you kind of go, you know what, like

I'm good. Yeah. I'll just stop with that. You know what I mean? So. I don't drink so much GHB. Because it's a fucking. Depressed and shit?

No. I was partying. Like, like I was having fun with it. I'd started it. I started doing it as a senior in high school because it started to get big in Florida. You do it in caps, huh? Bottle cap. Okay.

Yep. Exactly. Just literally, you'd tell, it would, this would be the GHB and you go like this and you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's too much. Tastes like ocean water and you're like, ooh. And then what's the, what does it do? It's like, it's pretty immediate. Whole body high and you're like.

Tingle or relaxation? Yeah. Feel good. Like, yeah. Tingling throughout your body and you're high. You're just high, feeling good, high. Your eyes, you know, they don't turn red. You don't, your breath doesn't smell like, it's like, you felt like it was a cheat code,

especially if you're in high school because you're like kids would smoke weed during lunch, but then you could tell. Okay. Or if they drank, you could tell because, you know, you smell or you're starting to act, or you're in or something. So it was like this like cheat code thing. I felt like a friend of mine was the first one to bring it to school and I was like, I don't know.

I tried it and I was like, oh, this is great, man. At school? At school. We did it at school and then we would do it during the lunch break and come back for that next period and you'd be like. How'd you OD? Do you like a two liter of it? I drank way too.

So it's the stupidest thing. I've told the story, but I. My bad. No, no, no. I'm telling you. It's my freshman year in college, right? And Thanksgiving, most, most of the time, if you're a freshman, especially all college kids or most college kids, but especially freshmen, you're going home for the first

time probably from like, if you go away to college, you know, because it's Thanksgiving weekend, right? And so, and it's also you're seeing everybody who you graduated with coming back to and everyone's, you know, becoming an adult like they're, so it's this big like reunion weekend. So you have Thanksgiving with your, with your family and then Friday and Saturday are like parties. So you go out, I go to this party and I remember that the guy who would always have drugs, I was like, hey, you got a GHB because I couldn't find it really in Carolina.

I got some, but it was, it was terrible. Yeah. And the Florida stuff was like the Primo stuff. Because it's the coast. That's where it's. Yeah. And that's also like where it was big, like Georgia and Florida is where GHB was really popular.

So he's like, I'll have some later, but I have ecstasy, you know, and I was like, okay, and I take a pill and like 10 minutes later, I'm like, yeah, I don't feel it. And he's like, yeah, dude, chill out. Like you guys, it's going to take a minute to kick in. So then I start drinking and I start just knocking. I was drinking screwdrivers. I remember. I remember those.

Sucking them down, you know, and I've had, you know, three or four and I get to the net because we left one party. We go to the next party. I drink a few more. I'm starting to get buzzed, but I don't have that like high feeling. And so I hit him up. I was like, hey, what's up with that GHB? And he goes, yeah, meet me by the car in a few minutes.

So I go out there and I sit in his car and I'm thinking like, oh, great. I'm going to do a hit. I'm going to be fine. First of all, I should tell you this. They tell you from the very first time you do GHB, they're like, do not drink on this because it's a fatal combination of alcohol and because it's basically like an, like an anesthetic. Okay.

So you really should not drink alcohol on it. So I get in the car with him and he hands me a gallon milk drug, a gallon. And he's going to use that and disperse it into water bottles, but he hands me the gallon. I'm like holding it, you know, like a gallon's heavy. So I'm like, well, I'm not going to put it in the milk cap. So I don't, so I just put it to my mouth and I go like that. And I realize that I have like a mouthful. So I'm like, what am I going to do?

Like in the moment, you're like, what am I going to spit it out? It's a lot of money. So I just swallow it. And I realized I've just taken like, I don't know, seven bottle caps worth or something. And so that's really was when you're on ecstasy and I'm on ecstasy and I've now, I'm up to like, I don't know, 10 drinks or something. So I have like a great 20 minutes, you know, where I'm like walking around the park. I'm like, what's up, man.

And people are like, you're always in a good mood. I'm like, you know it. So, you know, I go through the party and then I just, I still remember I sit down in this patio. I have a girlfriend, she sits on my lap and I just remember passing out. That's all I remember. And then when I wake up, I've got tubes in my throat. I'm restrained, you know.

And I found out later that the only reason that I made that I lived is because my sister was at that party because other people were like, hey, he's fucking out. And like the guys were like, oh, yeah, they left you, but well, they were like, they didn't know they're like, let him sleep it off. Like he's all right. My sister was like, uh-uh. So she's the one that called the ambulance. But like, if she hadn't, I'd definitely be dead.

Damn. Yeah, all from like, all because I didn't want to be rude with too much GHB in my mouth. Like I should have been like, you know, but. I've, yeah, I've never overdosed. But I also feel like if that hadn't happened to me, like let's say I just got caught, I'm sure I would have gone back to school and like, you know, college is one of those things. You want to try this? All right.

Yeah. But what happened was I went back to school and I was like, I'm good. Did you're scared? They know. At first, most people didn't know at first because we didn't want the school to know and like, I don't know, discipline me or something. So we told them, we told them I had an allergic reaction to something. And they were like, all right.

Cause I was, you know, I had to, I was, I wasn't there for a couple of weeks. And then eventually I started telling like my friends and then, you know, people found out. Yeah. And then recently one of my buddies, side dick Eddie, that's his name site, it's on his ID area. He's like Mcglay. On his, on his ID.

Yeah. Side dick Eddie. How'd he get that name? He always hooks up with a girl that has a boyfriend. All right. Yeah. Cause he's like, I don't want responsibility. Yeah.

And he, he was doing Coke, shrooms, acid. Whatever. This food on fat and all, all that shit. And I was buying a car from Honda. And then this fall started having like a stroke and convolches in the, like, you know how you go buy a car and they're like, wait for the loan. You have to do the paperwork. Yeah.

Try to sell you the insurance. Sure. They always try to mark. And then they're like, do you want coverage on your tires? Yeah. Do you want to pay for oil changes? And you're like, all right. They just do it.

All of a sudden it's like a thousand dollars more a month. Like the fuck just happened, man. Yeah. And then they're waiting and this will just starts having convulsions and they kind of know I'm in a comedian. So they're like, oh, you guys, you guys being silly. And I'm like, I don't know CPR and shit. I'm just pounding this guy's like 380 Cuban and I'm pounding on his chest and then like,

I remember people looking at us this little full port out of phone and I was like, help people. I'm not lying. So like I threw water on him and then like, and then he just snaps out of it. And then I guess when you lose oxygen to your brain, like, like he was red and like he, oh, it was crazy, dude. This is right in front of you. Obviously this is happening right now.

And I still haven't signed fucking paperwork for the car yet. And like, I remember him just going A-full. I got a warrant. Do not call the ambulance. Do not call. He's telling you this? Yeah. And I was just like, I was kind of pissed too, Tom, because like they still made me

wait 10 more fucking minutes to sign for the car and the lady's like, well, so do you want this insurance? I was like, dude, my friend almost died in the showroom. Yeah. I gotta go. Like, what's wrong with you? And you still took the car though? They gave you the car.

Yeah, they hooked me up. They did? That's pretty cool. I needed a car. Yeah. Because my kids, I gave them my other cars and I was like, I need a car, dude. I need a car that I won't get pulled over in. Yeah.

Like that's when I buy a car. I bet when a cop sees you, they're immediately like, all right, put your fucking, like, all their red flags go off, right? They see tats. They're like, oh, this dude. Ball. Fucking bumping. Yeah.

But I'm American. I should have the fucking freedom to do whatever the fuck I want. God bless America, man. I'm not drinking beer in my car. Yeah. I'm doing coke sometimes. Yeah, but that's fine. It's a long drive.

Yeah. Are you supposed to make it on that drive? You know what? Cocaine has saved me from never getting a DUI. Really? Yeah, because you're all bowing and you do a bump. Yeah. Boom.

Have you been pulled over on coke? Yeah. It's the scariest shit ever. And do they ever suspect? Well, they can feel your heart. Just... But you're like, I'm nervous. And I'm like, I don't have teeth on this side and I'm just like, you try to feel your

gums because it feels so good. I don't know. But then, you know, I'm a pro. I just like straight up, it goes, hey, man, what's wrong? I'm like, you're biting yourself. I'm like, you know what, man, I was at a party, junior high friends were there and they were like, let's do a bump like old times. I wasn't drinking.

I did a bump and he's like, see you later. Really? Yeah. My friends told me they got caught with sacks and the cops were like, oh, I see you later. As long as you're not a dealer, as long as it's not fentanyl. Yeah. Don't give a fuck. I did know a cop who told me one time he goes...

He said that what irritated him the most on like a pullover, like a simple traffic stop, is being lied to. Yeah. And he goes like, if I go, you got weed and you're like, yeah, I'll be like, all right. He goes, but if you say no and I find weed, then I get pissed. That's happened to me before. They find a gun in my car. That's different than weed, but go ahead.

Well, in the early 90s in California, a gun possession was a misdemeanor. So I really didn't care and in that generation, everybody was like, I've been shot at a lot in the 90s. Really? Yeah. It was active. So I carried a gun. I was like, fuck it.

And... What'd you carry? I had a 44, 357, 380 and 9mm and then my... That's major hardware, dude. 357 is not like... My nickname shotgun. Okay. So I used to have a sawed off sometimes and I put it in my little trench coat and dude,

it was active. Yeah. There's no real like... I didn't know where my future was going and shit like that. Like now I'm like, nah, I'm not doing shit. And I remember it was a gun. There was two guns in the car. You only found one and I was scared because it was a stolen gun.

So we had to shave the serial numbers off. Oh, Jesus Christ. But he found the one that was like, you know, I was a stupid kid, man. I stole a gun from my uncle because I knew it was registered and like I wouldn't get in trouble and that's the one they found. And like the cop was just like, I thought you said there was no guns in the car. I was like, you know what, man? I lied.

Sorry, man. Like I didn't want to get caught. And he was just like, I got to take you in, homie. And then I had to pay my uncle like 400 bucks. So you got taken in, you got taken in for gun possession? Yeah. See, they take you in on a gun possession and then like since I'm a gang member, they try to throw all this street terrorism, gang enhancement, bullshit on you.

And then like my family has money, so they were like, got a lawyer and then get this full out. Okay. Yeah. And then. You know, when you said you said your friend who was convulsing, he's like, hey, don't call. I have a warrant.

Do warrants ever expire or do they just stay forever? I don't know because I've never had a warrant. I've always been caught. Okay. Yeah. Do warrants expire? Yeah. I mean, I think they do like on tickets.

Let's see. And like a bench warrant does not expire. Okay. All right. Well, that's good to know. So your friend definitely should not call an ambulance. Yeah. If a law enforcement officer takes you into custody without an arrest warrant, you probably

committed a crime that was observed by the officer. Okay. If you know, I'm trying to see if it an arrest warrant. Okay. Scroll down a little bit here. There's a thing on the right if you can. In California, arrest warrant has been issued for you, consult a criminal defense attorney. You will need an attorney's help if you are named in a bench warrant, so-called because

it comes from the bench, meaning it has come from a California judge. Unlike a warrant for someone's arrest, a bench warrant is not necessarily linked to a criminal activity. Bench warrants may be issued for failing to appear as scheduled in court, failing to pay a court, ordered fine, or a failure to complete classes, counseling, treatment, etc. Okay. That's side dick, Eddie. He failed all that shit.

He failed all that shit. They told me I had a warrant one time when I, yeah, I was calling to something, DMV, whatever, and they were like, oh, you got a ticket. I got a speeding ticket in Irvine, and they're like, you have a warrant or you're going to have something like that. And I was like, oh, what do I do? And they were like, go down there and pay that fine. Yeah.

Okay. All right. So I rushed my ass down there. You've never been arrested, huh? No, never been arrested. Never. Oh, wow. Yeah.

No, it's- You have the look of a bad boy to me, dog. Really? Yeah. I've been told that I look like military, and people have been like, oh, when I was in high school, when I would transfer schools, we moved a lot, people would be like, how old are you, Ben? And I was like, what?

I'm like 14. And they're like, you look older. And then they were like, are you a narc? People always thought I was like, I was like, what? No, I'm a fucking 14-year-old kid. We had a narc at our school. Really? I found out, too.

I bet he got fucked up. No. I only found out because when I was 19 or 20, I seen him at a club, and he had a fucking badge right here. And I was like, what? But it was a trip, though, because like, he already had monster ass chest hair and fucking in high school with us. Yeah, and you realize he was old.

And it happened my senior year, and he was all buff and shit, playing on the football team, fucking us up. And yeah, then later on, people were like, that was a fucking narc. And I was like, you're tripping, dawg, because he was playing the gangster role, too. Yeah. Yeah. We had a dude who was 20 on our high school football team, who was also fucking people up, and we were like, you're 20.

And then we found he's just dumb, so he was held back to us. Yeah, held back. But he was like a grown ass man, you know, fucking up 16, or 20 as it can fuck up a 16 year old kid, man. Yeah. My football team, we were supposed to be so good my senior year, but a lot of people from the gang I was from were on the football team, and we shot somebody. And like four of us got took it in, and they fucked the whole team up.

Yeah, that doesn't happen at every high school, man. I was like, what happened to your team? Well, they got arrested for shooting someone. We did play. I brought this up to somebody who knew the school. So we played a reform school every year. So there was a high school in Orlando that to go to that school, you had to have been kicked out of other schools.

Or a continuation school, I guess. Yeah. And we get there. First time we got off the bus, we saw these dudes and we were like, oh, shit, because these look like grown ass men, like dudes had beards and shit. You know, we were like, what? And then, you know, like just grown, but here's the thing, we beat them, and we beat them every year.

It's a structure. They didn't have any discipline, they didn't know how to run plays, and we've, you know, it made sense because, you know, they don't know who's going to be there on even Friday for the game. So it's like, some kids are there Wednesday, not there Thursday. So it was always a mess. But you saw the kids and you were like, oh my God, because they looked like grown ass men.

Some of them were like that kid on our team, held back, you know, three times and shit. Like they're big dudes. Dude, we had to play modern day. You played modern day? Yeah, that was right. They fucking beat, they used to beat the shit out of us. Yeah. Modern day for people that don't know is like a nationally celebrated team that has won.

And it's in the hood. Is it in the hood? I didn't know that. In the fucking hood. I've seen people been shot by modern day. Really? It's on a street called Bristol in Santana and everyone, it's like the Whittier Boulevard of Orange County.

Yeah. While the low riders and gang. But in my era, the 90s, it was like gang capital, it was crack. I see people get shot over chains right there. Yeah. Modern day was, I mean, that was a, if you followed high school football, it was nationally reported on you would be on USA Today. Did you guys like, you were in school in North Carolina?

No, I was in Florida. Florida. Yeah. Yeah. In high school in Florida. Did you guys know about modern day? Because I would always read that USA Today would do the top 25 high school teams in the nation every week.

And so it was cool because you would, you know, you would learn about, and then there was, sometimes, you know, there'd be Florida schools, you'd be like, oh, this is a school that's one of the best in the country right here. And then there were schools that were always in it, like year after year after year. And modern day is one of them. Modern day would be on that list every year. Everything. There's a couple of California schools that were regularly on it.

And then there's always a couple of Texas schools, and there's always like three or four at least high school or Florida high schools that had like, and you know, you would follow, if you followed those schools, you would see that they produced crazy college and NFL talent, like just ridiculous, ridiculous, man. Yeah. There was that reform school. I still remember the first, one of the first plays because I played on O line and D line. I put my, you know, my hand in the dirt and this dude, black dude, lined up across from

me. A full beard. Not like this, but like a bushy ass. We're in high school and he reached with his hand in the dirt and with the other hand, he picked up grass out of the ground and he put it in his mouth and he goes, I eat grass, white boy. And he started chewing grass and I was like, oh, fuck. What if you really said I eat ass, white boy?

And I was like, oh, this is going to be a long game, man. Yeah. We had to play a couple. We had to play Santa Ana Valley. That shit was crazy. There was fools there with their kids on the side line. Yeah. That's a trip to me.

You're like, you're in high school, dude. Yeah. Fucking nuts. This is crazy too. We don't get this in LA. That's what I miss about New York. You have got to get taking this too easy and that's just how it is. She's playing the drums with her tits.

Yep. She's playing Spice Girls, right? If you want to be my lover. That's the one cool thing about New York. You really get to see shit like that every day. I got a weird vibe in New York. Yeah? Yeah, it's like.

They're not used to seeing, like, you know. Mexicans. No. Tall ones. They were like, they thought I was Indian. I was all pissed with the fuck. All pissed. That fucking Persian homie.

For real, this guy walked by and he was like, Abu Hattah. And I was just like, Abu Hattah? What the fuck? You're like, hey dog. Yeah. That's what I said. I go, hey homie, check this out. Don't talk to me like that.

I'm from Cali, dawg. We don't. Yeah. When were you there? I'm trying to, I'd love to see a video of you meeting people who are like, what? Oh, it was a trip. I was, I was there like right before COVID, like six months before COVID. It was a trip.

First time? Was that your first time? Yeah. It's a wild city though, right? Like to get, I remember the first time you go to Manhattan and you're just like, holy, like the buildings and like the way that city is like, it's so different than like an LA city, man. It was, I fucked up.

Really? Yeah. I tried to buy Coke and they gave me wrong shit. So we went looking for these fools and I was like, you know what, man? I got a career, man. Like this will burn me for 80 bucks. Fuck it. But then like, yeah, it was, it's grimy.

Hey, no, no hate to New York. No hate. It was just weird. Yeah. Because usually there's always Mexicans everywhere I'm at. Yeah. And then it was like, wow. I remember one guy I worked with here who he had, he had run the streets for a while.

And now he was working as a post-soup, right? Post-production supervisor. He had a good thing going. They made like a soup plantation. No, no, no, no. So he had a good career going and he was like, but he's super Cali, super so Cal. Like, you know, he'd been in trouble and stuff. Yeah.

He's like, I don't know about this New York shit, man. I'm like, dude, New York's one of the greatest cities in the world. You got to go to New York. You're going to love it. He got back and he was like, yeah, shit sucked, man. And I was like, what? Like, where did you go? He was like, I stayed in Spanish Harlem and I was like, and?

Whoa. Where did you go? He's like, just there. I was like, yeah, you didn't fucking experience New York City, man. He was like, yeah, I did. And I was like, no, you stayed in one fucking neighborhood that like, why would you pick that neighbor? He's like, I knew some chick there.

I was like, all right, man, next time let me hit you. Let me help you with travel because it was like the totally wrong way to experience. Yeah. Now we did everything. We hit Brooklyn and all that, but I was burnt out. It was like, it's a lot to take on. It's a lot for three days. It was a lot.

Yeah. I feel like, I mean, New York's the kind of place where, you know, it's such, there's so much to do and so much to see that you either got to pick, you know, one area to explore or you got to spend time there and like, you know, it's best to obviously either go with or meet up with somebody who's from there and let them show you around. But it offers so much. That city offers so much. Yeah.

It's a, hey, America baby. Yeah. It's America baby. We have this segment we do called Horrible or Hilarious. So I just show you a clip. Okay. And you tell me whether this is terrible or funny. Okay.

That's fucking funny. Oh, hold on. Hilarious. Okay. That's all good. That's all good. Hilarious. You don't have to say it like a white guy.

Let's see it again. Oh. That. He did that shit on purpose. He wasn't even trying to land. He didn't even try that. I also feel like this is one of those things where you're acting like you, you're okay, but like you can taste your fucking the back of your throat and you're like, oh, yeah.

Like he's in pain for days after this. Yeah. Oh man. This is. How is that not on purpose? Unless there's a driveway right there. She's like, what the fuck is wrong with you? She's right.

That would have been a bomb ass porno if he got out the on bone. Cause he already came from the back. Yeah. Yeah. What? Like. What is he doing? Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Have you seen that clip going around? Man. I just realized I have it. I got to send you this.

That was still funny, but it was terrible. It was, right? Yeah. It's the older lady. You can't hit her with your car on the lawn dog by the planter. Yeah. That was, um, okay. I'm sending this to, uh, to Unidove.

Cool. You're emailing this? No. I sent it, I texted it to you. Cool. Uh, cool. Um, so this has been like super viral and it's perfect for this. So maybe you can pull it up on that one in a moment.

Yeah. Just give me a second. Yeah. Um, God damn. That was, that was both horrible and hilarious. Yeah. That's kind of messed up because he hit her. Yeah.

And also where, like, where is he? Like, it's like he tried to hit her. It looks like it. How do you accidentally do that? He drove up on a side, like on the grass, right to the spot that she's standing in. Yeah. But see the thing is I used to do construction. That might be like, uh, you know how, like in the corner of the quarter sack, oh, a handicap

ramp for you to come up. Uh-huh. I don't know. All right. Cause you can't really see. She went over the curb. You would have heard a bump or something. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm about trying to be the lawyer. Yeah. You're the defense attorney now. Okay. Okay. Hold on. Start it over here.

Start it over. Start it over. Uh, you're going to, can you see that screen over there? Yeah. Okay. Uh, give us volume if you can. Or no, I don't know. Check out that guy.

Can you make a full screen? No. He's doing his little video. Walking, walking. Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck me. Which one did you find funnier?

This is the funniest one. That shit is, even Jordan was screaming on the shoe. Oh my God, dude. That dude is so fucked. It's funny cause he did it to himself. Exactly. That's the funniest part, and he's also like, he's like, check this shit out man. Like walking next to his ride, spitting his, oh, that leg is toast.

Okay. You hear the snap, I think it snapped down the middle of it. It's a big snap. Damn, that's some fucked up shit right there. Very funny stuff today. Dog, that's fucked. Do you watch people, do you like watching people break their leg ever since that should happen to you?

Do you get off on it? Like, you're feel mark pain. Look, he hasn't seen the house jump. What's that? Is that last week's? What episode's that under? Let me pull that up. Cause I can put it on.

Okay, if you tell me the episode, I'll, let's see, I think I got it. Hold on. Is this it? No, that's not it. That's one of my favorite things I've ever seen. Here, I'll just play it on this screen. Okay, check this out. I've ever read it to go.

Check this out. This was, give it with the audio though, okay? Okay, that one, that screen over there. Look at this guy. Oh, shit. Dude. Dog. But also, what's he thinking being like, I'll just jump from the roof.

Fucking think he's a spider man? Yeah, man. That's like, no. With the rubber construction boots on, like no tannies, nothing. Nothing. That's, he touched his toes faster than I've seen him. All you need to do is spread his cheeks and cough. That probably ripped his ass open.

Dude, I think he has full, full reconstruction of his entire lower body. Oh yeah. Angles. Look at that. Oh. Hyper extended, knees just snapped, ankles, hips. Yeah. Let's see, cause I just texted it to my doctor that repaired me.

At first he just wrote. He texted your doctor? Yeah. I said, he's going to need whole lower body reconstruction. He goes, all the terrible things. That's what he said. That's insane. I can't, I wanted to show you this video I had.

It was crazy. Yeah. It's done. Oh. Where do you come up with these? You just like, see them or people send them to you? They send them mostly to the email of the show. A lot of people send them.

I got to send you some videos then. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Send us. And the crazier the better. Oh yeah. Yeah. I don't even know.

I bet I don't with you. I bet there's some real wild shit. I'll be like, I thought I seen some crazy shit and then George sent me some stuff. Fuck man. You know I've been fucking with Garth Brooks for a while? I've seen that and I, why is he hating on you? So if you go to his Instagram page and you look at the comments, all the comments are just inside jokes from this podcast.

Oh. All of them. Like it makes no sense to anybody that doesn't listen to this show. Like I don't know if you can make that bigger. I can't really see it there. But you know, like, oh, I got to write one. But you know, it says like free cigar and it says like, I got a DUI baby and it's normal size.

Like, you know, all these things that are from our show that to anybody else literally just makes no sense. I mean, like it's normal size is. Well, it's normal size. It's just a clip from this show, you know, or like, I got a DUI baby. I got a DUI baby. It's just clips from here and people are writing on his page. And he's mad because you're causing traffic and whatever.

Yeah. I mean, like it's literally thousands of comments. So I tried to write something on his page and then it wasn't visible. So I realized that he didn't block me, but he had restricted my account. So then I started talking about that. And so people started writing about more than people started making photo shops of me as Garth Brooks. So they started like they put me on.

I honestly thought it was him. I ain't gonna lie. Like, I remember you posted he killed somebody or something. And I was like, what the fuck? And you know, like, yeah, that was just more. Cholos never looked shit up. I was like, hey, homie fucking Garth Brooks killed somebody. And they're like, what the fuck?

Yeah. And then you stupid ass, that's Tom Seguri. Yeah. There's all these different ones here that like, let's see. This guy, one was made by from Ally, it looks like. One from Casey. This one here is from the Cool Guy Club. Mr. Clavicles always makes good ones for you, dog.

He does good ones. Yeah. That's where I seen it. Mr. Clavicles. He makes good ones. Yeah. He's with the business. Yeah.

He brings it for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Who made this one? This is from Technocrat, made Tom Seguro. These are all me Photoshop. This fucking funny Tom Seguro. Yeah.

But anyways, we always have fun with Garth because, you know, he deserves it. Does he like want to fight you or anything? Like as secretly, I hope he does. But publicly, he doesn't acknowledge, even though one of our fans got to ask him a question. And they said something about your mom's house and he goes, would you say about my mom? And that's where it ended. That was what he was doing the baseball. He's big, but you're big.

Yeah. He's a big dude. He's a big dude. I heard that. Yeah. So, but I'm injured, you know, I'm still recovering. So I think in a fight right now, I would have to be like, fuck. I don't know.

I don't know. I mean, he's country dog. He probably rat horses and all that shit. Yeah. Yeah. He's got a ranch and shit. Yeah. I'll fuck him up.

Yeah. I'll fuck him up. It's from fucking. Do you know what I would love for you to do? What this guy does, I found this is a clip. So this guy's whole thing is that people tell him bad news and then he delivers it for them. And I bet I would love for you to do this. So this, check out this clip of this guy because it'd be funny or coming from you.

Hi, is this Chase? Hi, I'm John. I run a service where I break bad news to people for other people. Okay. And your girlfriend, Brianna, hired me to break some bad news to you. She's been cheating on you. All right. Yeah.

And she wants it to be over now. Okay. So, yeah, sorry. You know, there's something on my mind. What? Right. All right, well, really sorry to be the one to break this bad news to you, bud. Any more information?

No. I'm just here to break the bad news. Okay. Do you have a good one, man? Dick. Yeah, he's such a dick. I can do that shit fun. Yeah, you can make it a lot more fun.

Just broke some bad news. Yeah. I thought you need to break a sweat, Phadis. Now break a razor. Yeah, he does. Jesus can't even lift that full spirit. He's thicker than a motherfucker. Yeah, he's big boy.

I would have been like, hey, Brianna, oh, oh, no, what's his name? The dude was, uh, whatever. Fuck him. Mike? Mike? Oh, no. I would have been like, yo, homie, check it out. The lady doesn't have the balls to fucking tell you shit, so they paid me and she's boning

fools right now, dog. You'd be like, I'm sorry, what was that? I would have changed my customer service voice. Yes, this is George with, uh, bad news. George with bad news. And, um, yeah. Oh, God. That's, uh, I don't know.

That's crazy. It's such a cop out way to, like the girl, you tell them. But it is a good service. It is. It is. You know what the best service is? My friend does. He goes on offer up and he, he's a, he does speed.

He smokes speed and he stays up and he goes, I'll stand at the DMV for you. So you'll be the first person there and he's there like a 530 in the morning smoking speed in the car and then he's like, I made 600 this week. I was like, what the fuck? Yo, that's for real? Yeah. He'll, he just stands. He'll get out there that he's the guy that'll do that.

You know what I mean? Like how does he advertise that he's the guy to hit up? Uh, he goes, if you have things to do, I stand at the DMV line for you, but he only tells friends or does he have a Instagram post on, on offer up? Oh, on offer up. Yeah. That's a good business. Dude, it's, I hate that shit.

The appointments are hard. Me too, man. Who the fuck likes standing in goddamn line? It's the worst. I hate standing. Don't you hate standing in the grocery line and all of them, any line and then they're over there talking and shit and I don't want to be a dick, but I'm like, yo, I have girls to be with.

That's why I got this beer and shit. Yeah. Yeah. Like, come on. TSA is another thing too. I've ever seen them congregate and they're like in a little circle talking and you're like, this line is fucking 50 D. Yeah.

You see them just like, and then when I see one laugh, are you guys chatting it up? You're just having a little story time right now. You don't see there's 50 people waiting to go through. One time I pulled out my phone and recorded them. No way. Yeah. Yeah. And one of the ladies caught it.

She goes, please don't record us. And I was like, oh, okay. I'll put it away. Why can't you record them? I guess you legally can, but she was just like, I don't want to be recorded. And I was like, all right. Yeah. Whatever.

I have a problem with like TSA and cashier. Like I look at them like cops. Yeah. So I'm just like, I don't walk behind them. Like I don't, I keep like an arms length distance. Fuck all that shit. Yeah. I only got in trouble once with TSA.

Yeah. Yeah. This lady, I thought she spoke to me rude, you know, checking the ticket. So I was like, no. What did you say? So I had, I was flying, I think it was from Canada to the US. First class? Well, funny you say that because it was a company called WestJet.

And when I was at the counter, she said, do you want to upgrade? And I said, yeah. And how much is it? I don't know what it was. Let's say a hundred bucks or whatever. Upgrade. All right. I upgraded.

Then I got into the line for first to go through security and that they had like US agents because you're going into the US. Yeah. So the lady goes, you're in the wrong line. And I go, how's that? She's like, this is for first class. And I go, I just upgraded because that's literally the language they use. And she goes, she's like, does this look like, and she started like being like really

Yeah. Yeah. And like in front of everybody and I was like, I just paid for an upgrade. What did I upgrade to? And she was like, I don't know what you upgraded to, but you're in the wrong line. And she just was like making a scene of it. And I was like, okay. So she did this whole thing and she let me go through, but I was like, what a fucking

asshole, right? And I started saying that. And one of the guys passengers in the line, he was like, Hey, I would, I would be careful because you know, you could get in trouble. Like I can tell you're upset. And I was like, oh, and I, it registered to me that he's Canadian. I was like, oh yeah, we're not like, we're not the same. So I was like, watch this.

So I put my stuff on the thing and I see, I go, who's your supervisor? And the lady was like, oh, this lady, I go, can you send her over here? And I went, cause I wanted the guy to hear it, sends her over here. And I go, Hey, you know, you got some fucking pig working over there, right? And she goes, excuse me. I go, you're fucking pig. Just tried to like humiliate me in front of the other passengers. So maybe you should take that pig back to a trough, teach her how to eat and how to

treat people. So she was like, hold on, hold on, it made like, she like pulled me aside and was like, what happened? So I told her the whole story, but I was like super heated and aggressive cursing, yelling, you know? And this guy was like, but I was kind of doing it for him. Yeah. Like, yo, homie, we got rights.

I was like, nah, dude, that's just not going to fly here. So she, the supervisor was like, I'm going to talk to her another lot, but I would appreciate if you stopped, you know, calling her a pig, calling her a pig and using all this language. She was raised on a farm. Yeah. I was like, well, I go, if she wouldn't act like a pig, I wouldn't call her one. And she was like, okay. And so then police came down, but yeah, yeah, but he was like asking her and she was like,

we don't need you. And then they went over and talked to her and I just got on my flight. Did they send you an email or anything? No. They don't give a fuck. No, I didn't. Yeah. Fuck all that.

But I just saw that Canadian guy go like, I've been be little like that before and I almost fought one time. It was like, it was at Best Buy. And I remember just like, it was in front of my kids and he was like, why are you paying with cash? I'm like, what do you mean why am I paying with cash? The kind of question is that. Yeah.

And cause like I had like $3,000 on me, but I was only buying some for 80 bucks and then it all added up and then he was like, why don't you just get a Best Buy card? You do have a social security number, don't you? Oh, so yeah. So again, he's trying to humiliate you. Yeah. And I was like, yo homie. And I will fuck you up.

I told my son, hey, take your brothers to the car. And then yeah, they kicked me out. But then I did that whole, I sent it, I did it in my white shirt. I sent an email and they were like, gave me a little gift card, but fuck, fuck Best Buy. Yeah. I'll fuck somebody up from Best Buy. Fuck you and fuck TSA.

Yeah. Fuck that. But see, I'm scared when I, I was flying mostly when I was on parole. Cause when I got out of prison, there was no work for me in Cali. And I remember like just being a little scared little bitch, like they're rude man. They're rude. I mean, I understand they go through, like, you know, you go through a lot and you're dealing with thousands of, if you're in a busy airport, thousands of people a day.

You're getting paid. You're getting paid. I'm saying it's stressful. It's probably not the easiest gig. But whenever, I don't care what your position is. If you try to like, why are you paying with cash or like, why are you in this like, you're trying to put it on embarrassed people or front of people. I'm like, no, I'm not, you're not going to do that shit to me, dude.

Yeah. You don't have the option of telling me how you're going to receive the payment. Yeah. Fuck cash rules, everything around me, baby. Also, it's like, what? I mean, does cash not work here or something? Who cares what I'm paying with? Yeah.

What I'm paying. I have to get change. Yeah. Yes. Fuck you. You work out of business. Yeah. You gotta be a little heater in that time.

I know. I want to go to the airport. I want to go to the airport and light them up. I'll be like, I'm not even flying today. Fuck you and fuck you too. I think you're going to talk to me like that. You gotta be out of your fucking mind. Oh, shit.

All right. Let's end on that. So if you want to hear more, George Press got stories for days. Go check out George Press stories. Comes out every Monday. See George on the road. He's an absolutely hilarious comedian. And yeah, dude, I hope to hang out with you more.

We're going to set our Coke date. Yeah. No, it's on. It's on. Okay. I'm going to do Coke off of you, off your scar. Okay. Do this one?

That's a good line. That's a good line. That's a big ass line. Let's do it. Let's do it, dawg. Thanks for coming, man. Thank you, brother. Always good to see you.

We'll see you next time. Late? Yeah. I can't get you off my brain. Wish I could take away your pain, but these nuts are going to drain like motherfucking