Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 625 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: October 13, 2021

SPONSORS: - Go to https://ShipStation.com, click on the microphone at the top, and enter in YMH, to get a 60-day free trial, just in time for the holidays! - Go to https://saatva.com/theshit for $200 off your order - Go to https://Squarespace.com/MOM for a free trial and when you’re ready to launch, and use the offer code MOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain - Go to https://LiquidIV.com and enter code "MOM" for 25% off - Download Best Fiends FREE today on the Apple App Store or Google Play - Try Theragun for THIRTY-DAYS starting at only $199 by going to https://Therabody.com/MOM and get your Gen 4 Theragun today! - Save up to 65% off your subscription when you go to https://BABBEL.com/MOM. - Go to https://ForHims.com/mom and get your first visit absolutely free! Your Mom's House Podcast officially makes its transition to Austin and debuts the first episode from the brand new studio! Tom Segura and Christina P also debut "The One Glove Comic," and we ask to please not comment "Daddy" under this post, for real. We then check out Chris Larson's newest social media post welcoming you to October with some birthday shout outs, giving some Halloween tips, and explaining what the weekend is. Christina then gives an update that she thinks her fear of vomit is over! So we try it out and put it to the test! We get an update from one of the all time classics Machines Within guy, someone stole Christina's name for her special, and Tom has a funny story from the road with Matt Fulchiron. Christina brings up an interesting development about the ol' poo pile story Tom's been telling for YEARS... Is he lying? We try and get to the bottom of how boneless chicken wings are made, and talk about some of the sweet Austin food the boys are trying out. Tom and Christina share what it was like when Brad Kreishler stayed with them a week ago... he drank a lot. Then we wrap up this show with some TikToks and debuting Christina's rap video with Kreayshawn!

So what happens is I like when you have like a severe phobia you go crazy like you dissociate Yeah, I was starting to dissociate and get like Yeah Hey Welcome to the new digs. You know what? We're here live Sort of recorded from austin's another episode of your mom's house. I'm tom segura. She's christina christine p 15p

This is uh, we're really proud We waited a long time to debut this and um, here we are That kind of back to our roots looks good. It looks real good And you know a lot of people I was looking at the comments from the old studio back in Los los angeles and people are like christina looks like you've had Plastic surgery. Yeah, and I can assure you with these lights You can see I need it and that I have in fact not had I also saw a lot of people who said, you know

You need to humble yourself. You know who me. No, just like us in general like They're like, you know, oh you got a million subscribers and you got a big podcast and you got all this equipment and You got a fucking Beautiful studio like who do you think you are? You know and I took that to heart same which is why we prefer to broadcast out of any's house Or as we call it guantanamo bay It's pretty cool We spent a lot of money on this design and on that poster

It took a long time to dove had to color that by hand You will be happy to know though if you're like, I don't know if I could get used to this um We actually have the studio's act. We're past the permit process. Oh, wow It only took seven or eight months Every when I heard when I heard that they're actually building the studio. I saw pictures I turned it to a telescope. I got excited. I did. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's exciting I mean, I am going to miss these this lighting and this is um

This is the meat section of the grocery store lighting. Yeah, and they take some of the best photographs there Imagine a pig with tits. Yeah, that's why I do all my headshots is the meat department I've had headshots that look like that A lot of them actually and most of them up until a few years ago But here we are we're in uh gitmo and we're gonna do our show here for a minute And um, you'll you'll still get the same cool stuff Meat stuff that you're used to Absolutely, and you know what this brings us back to our roots

I feel like our jeans are higher and tighter than ever. This is back to you and me gene. Yeah the original This is it. Yeah, that's where it spits. You're just it. You're just it Just us man. Yeah, there's a lot to get into. I mean before we even open this show I should probably address that I've been wearing one glove. Yes Yeah A lot of people are like, oh, you know I ran into somebody yesterday and they go like I heard you moved to austin. What's up with the glove when I go I just it's part of my identity. Yeah

Well, Nick Cannon wore a turban. Yeah Jada pink it Dresses like she's in islam too. So this is your Version of that is what this is also. I think it helps people like because this is smaller than LA Yeah, helps people go like is that tom like oh that guy's got one glove on so that I can they can kind of identify me That's tom I like that too plus that's your your waving hand. Yeah, so when you give a wave to the fans They really see it. I don't think it's just one. I I have

A whole lot of these. Yeah, like I got these are receiver gloves I have a yard like gardening gardening gloves driving gloves winter gloves that you're gonna need those Yeah, I have all different types. Um, and I take the left one and I just throw it in the trash But I kept the right glove. Why why would you throw the other one in the trash because I want to be just the one glove guy Oh, I see, you know, yeah Well, here's the thing though is that you're anorexic and you have use of both your hands So what will you do on days when you're leaning into the other hand? You're just gonna let that hand be naked even you know, it's a really good question

And it's something that I feel like we've got to cross that bridge when we come to it, you know I do also find that um They have gloves that you can you can still like you touch equipment with you know And this isn't one of them So I'm gonna have to take it off today But I don't want people to think that I'm taking it off all day. It's just during this I got you. So you're the clear message is You're the glove comic. Yeah

Just at times when you need that hand for the the keyboard Yeah, this is well, and then when I get that that I ordered one already like a touchscreen glove Yeah, then I'll be able to do the show with the glove on great and they're super stoked. I can hear it. The audience is cheering Yeah This is a wonderful new lane for you and I can already I can already hear like where's the glove like when if I don't have it On people are gonna be like, where's the glove? Yeah, you know, it's like a calling card like burt going shirtless Everybody was like, where's your thing? Yeah, exactly. Where's your thing? And I felt like I don't really have one Yeah, I feel like one glove is pretty cool. That's really cool. Yeah, gosh. I feel like I need a thing now too. You probably do

It's my thing gonna be I don't know this one took me a while to come up with yeah That's a really good one by the way now. Well you go fingerless gloves because hey that maybe that's a solution Why don't we just cut the fingers off of that today and then you can wear your glove? I don't know. I'd rather just get Fingerless gloves because I don't want this is a really nice Glove, you know, oh plus you're gonna be catching footballs left and right probably with at least with one hand. Yeah, yeah I don't think any has scissors. So Probably best we just leave it. Well, let's ask one of the prison guards

You know, I was here Taping where my mom's at last week and I brought some chili for myself to eat And I couldn't eat the chili because and he doesn't have bowls. Yeah I don't I don't really blame them. I mean, I didn't have silverware bowls towels Soap your shower the mattress is on the floor. Yeah when I met you you were just a feral dog You were a wild animal and and now you're still a wild animal, but I I think I keep you at a level It's acceptable for our society. Yeah pretty true. Um

Also, uh native made it across halfway across the country. I know 100 culture So that's exciting that he's here. Yeah, um, I should get in the practice of calling him Patty, of course because well, we're in Texas now. So, uh, I'm sorry. Patty O'Callaghan made it here Thank you devout christian All right, are you ready to uh Start the show. I'm ready. Wait. Do you think he felt his skin burning when he drove into texas? Do you think from the heat or from the christianity the christianity?

Do you think he was like like he drove like over the state line? He was like Like a vampire in the sun Yeah, I'm going to hell. Yeah Do you think you felt that probably yeah, probably yeah, you know, he knows you gotta leave that bullshit behind We don't play that shit here Got it 10-4 All right All right, you ready to start the show. Oh my god. We have so much. Yeah, here we go so many things

Hey, it was good everybody. It's a lot. Look, I'm crazy here. But look, I just came on here real fast to say something to all of you guys All of you guys really disrespected me yesterday by commenting in my comment section daddy Not gone and daddy chill bro. I already told you guys that is real disrespectful when you guys tell me that bro Don't be commenting. No daddy chill. Don't call me. No, not gone Stop telling me daddy chill. Stop commenting all that stuff under my post you guys. I like women Please stop trying to make me look bad on this platform on you guys stop commenting daddy under my post you guys, please That's all I asked for you guys's respect But but like you guys go crazy, bro. I had almost 400 comments last night. All of you guys calling me daddy, bro

Come on, bro. Please Please stop commenting that stuff under my post by asking guys, please bro. Appreciate it. Have a good rest of your day I I That's hilarious that is so fucking funny. I like his earnest plea like don't call me daddy, bro He got choked up at the end. Did you hear him get choked up? He his voice started to crack You Daddy bro, come on, bro. Please

Please stop commenting that stuff under my post by I asked you guys, please bro. Appreciate it. Have a good rest of your day everybody What is going on so like what do you what do you think that is the genesis of I don't know I also didn't understand the other thing he was saying. You know call me daddy and something else I was like, huh, what like wait again. Let's take a deeper listen here Hey, it was good everybody. It's a lot. Look how I'm facing here But look I just came on here real fast to say something to all of you guys all of you guys really disrespect to me Yesterday by commenting in my comment section daddy not a gond and daddy not a gond not a gond What's that not a gond again daddy

Yesterday by commenting in my comment section daddy not a gond and daddy chill, bro Daddy not a gond and daddy chill daddy not a gond daddy not a gond daddy not a gond Do you guys know what he's saying? Maybe Daddy maricone He would say he would say that correctly though. Yeah, he would say daddy mighty gong Or he was he said daddy not a gong. Yeah, so there's no there's no slang word. That's not a gond That's not a thing like an ART when you guys really disrespected me yesterday by commenting in my comment section daddy

Not a gond and daddy chill daddy daddy Not a gond daddy not a gond. Well, can we look at the comments? Can we pull this guy's can we find this video and like see what he's referring to? I'm dying to know now What are you so upset bro? I already told you guys that is real disrespectful when you guys tell me that bro Don't be commenting. No daddy chill. Don't comment. No, not a gond Stop telling me daddy chill. Stop commenting all that stuff under my post you guys. I like women Please stop trying to make me look bad on this platform on you guys stop commenting daddy under my post you guys Please that's all I asked for you guys's respect

But but like you guys go crazy, bro. I had almost 400 comments last night. All of you guys calling me daddy, bro Come on, bro please Please stop commenting that stuff under my post. Well, I asked you guys, please, bro Appreciate it. Have a good rest of your day everybody. But then the Have a good day after the plea. Yeah He said that shit was yesterday I'm just laughing at how many people garth is going to see call him daddy now. He was like, oh, I guess I'm looking pretty hot

Daddy not a gond and this is hashtag deserve tuition contest like what what is going daddy lala lala Oh, it's daddy lala gond because his his ad is lala gond. Oh that the crazy I can't read it Here's some shit. Oh, it's lala gond brassy 480. That's his name. So daddy lala gond. Well, that's his name I wonder if there's a don't call me daddy. I wonder if there's any follow-up to this Okay, it was good to talk lala gond brassy. So look I had some time to sit back and think last night, bro I don't know if you guys are doing this to phone or if you guys are doing it on purpose But you guys really need to stop just comment to daddy on my post you guys Me personally, I do not go that way you guys. I am straight. I like women

Okay, so I'm trying to make me look bad on this platform you guys. I asked you guys the last time nicely and respectfully, please That's amazing. This is one of my favorite videos ever me too Me too. What do you like about it? Like let's well first of all that he just assumes But that by calling him daddy that that means he's gay. Yeah, I mean it's not it's definitely not No, in fact women would be like I daddy. I poppy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you know sexual Sure, they could be you know, so he did okay. He did the deserve tuition contest. I guess Maybe that's where his initial video. Have you seen that those no Well, there's like some contest

Yeah, they recorded have you seen the bit? I think it's like I don't know if it's mocked, but I laugh so hard Where somebody takes their mother and they start like they're doing it and they're like We we overcame so much like my mother started the prostitute and the mom was like what? Have you seen those they're so great That's regular tiktok. You're talking about I don't I don't get that feed very often People are always like, do you know this new dance? I'm like, you know, I did it's not what I look at Daddy yours By the way, your algorithm has taken a dark. It's good, right?

They're all wacky now. There's not one normal thing wacky is a kind way of putting it It is a Yeah, it's it's It's so beautiful because now it's finally it's finally tuned To a weird alone guy the wag A weird alone guy lane and they're all like shirtless and dancing or pleading for love It's good. You're gonna like the way you look when you look at my tiktok folder Do it

I'm like There's some really rough shit in there Nothing but joy for me when I go through them. I love them I mean the fact that you've normalized that to yourself is troubling Yeah, it's not okay. It's not no It's deeply disturbing a lot of it is deeply deeply troubling Like you can ruin someone's day just by going through your stories and I do a lot and people often DM me I

I've had I just read one dm Where this guy was like tina. I love you. I love tom. I love everything studio jeans does I can't take this tiktok. I hate it. I hate your stories right now. I just tapped out I'm like, listen, this is what I give to the world. Yeah, you're either in or out, bro This is me. This is who I am being vulnerable with you guys Yeah, you're also being a real artist by doing it. Of course I am and I'm empowering the marginalized community Of tiktokers. Hey, yo, check this out Stop calling the daddy for real. I like women dog

So daddy lala gong. Okay. Have a nice day. Peace out. Okay. So that's what it was lala gong was his handle Which yeah, but but but it's also good that he still tells him to have a nice day. Yeah It's so important because he's trying to stay positive. Yeah I wonder if it's be negative like but you got to stop commenting You know I'm saying the best thing to do when you want people to stop Some behavior is to tell them hey knock it off. Yeah, that'll definitely not encourage It was good I just got back from doing a yard today. I just have one yard to get done

But look, I'm gonna tell you guys for the last time but stop commenting that bs under my post Well, all that daddy stuff and all that vote and I'm talking to mostly of you guys for the guys It's mostly guys. I comment that under my post Commenting that boy you guys are mad weird. Take that somewhere else, but we'll comment that under somebody else's post, bro You hear me? I'm telling you, bro. I'm talking to you for the last time but stop doing that under my post, bro It's a matter of knowing bro stop doing it But all the other people that are cool have a good rest of your day

So consider it that way. Oh my god, so consider it He's always making sure that you're having a good day. He is always making sure like women I like women Stop commenting daddy under my post He is really cute. I mean if it is guys It must be because he is like a really cute kid, you know But I somehow I love that I found traction that a bunch of guys were like, yes daddy

I'm looking for tuition for school. Go get it daddy But I like that he thinks it's gonna really mess up his game Like you really think that your comment section is is it gonna ruin your life? No But at that age you think it is that's the thing because this is your whole world. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's true He's I mean he's a teenager, you know Stop with the la la gone shit, man So many of you are the rest of you take care They're queering up his game

He can't be hitting chicks. So they're queering queering him up I know No Mommies, I'm coming to your town. So first of all, I'm doing a weekly show in momston here every wednesday at the velvita room Every wednesday I'm in town that is so make sure to check to see if I'm around october 20th Uh, that's sorry. That's the one in austin. I'm doing that room october 21st through 23rd I met denver comedy awards tickets are moving super fast. So get those now one night in raleigh one night

Good nights charlie. Good nights. And then, um, atlanta november 19th through 21st At the punchline and then salt lake city utah has been rescheduled november 26th that weekend And then the list goes on san Antonio tejas in december or lando florida at the improv And that's the year isn't that bananas tickets at christina p online now get them now Ah speaking of um amazing videos amazing shout outs really good work chris larson The boys harangued him again into releasing his monthly social media post. I know And boy if if this team isn't going to deliver. Yeah

Yeah, he really delivered if you guys haven't seen it. I think we can pull it up for you Really something special really good work. This is his latest one here. Yeah Hey everyone they wanted the post a little differently this month. So here it is Happy friday everyone. It's the weekend. So get ready for that weekend time because it's gonna be good Looking forward to the weekend because the weather looks nice So i'm gonna have fun. You should have fun too. Um, because today's friday and that means tomorrow's saturday But yeah, because it's the weekend Birthday shout out to alina who turns 26 on halloween. Happy birthday alina

That's a special birthday because it's a holiday birthday. So stay safe Um and eat lots of candy. That's what you do on halloween and that goes for everyone else But don't eat too much candy because then you'll get sick and the trick or treating is not your thing Well go out and have fun anyway because it's a holiday. Um, anyway That's it. Have a good weekend. Have a happy friday again and um Be blessed Bye amazing

Really good Really good I mean that had all the elements we like a dropping of the weather A birthday shout out explaining what a weekend is. Um Yeah doing yeah knowing, uh, to be careful um Staying birthday shout outs, which are just phenomenal. My one of my favorite things that's been happening. Um pretty regularly Is i'll get messages before I go on stage

Um at some, you know pretty sizable venues and people are like hey, we're coming to your show. Uh It's my boyfriend's birthday today If you want to give him a shout out. Yeah, because it's chucky cheese, right? Yeah, this arena. I'm performing, you know I'm at the straws center right now At the performing arts. I'm gonna be like hey, thanks for coming out. I heard that michael has a birthday Happy birthday mike Hope you're having a good birthday mike. I'm gonna go on with the rest of the show now, but I wanted to stop down To acknowledge that it's your birthday or as people will be like. Oh my god. We're big fans. We're gonna be

In this bow at the balcony um Trevor he's never been to your show. So if you want to make fun of him, that'd be cool I'm sure trevor would love that too. He's never from he's never seen you He's never seen me and then they're like not a fan probably he's wearing he's wearing a green shirt if you want to Like, okay. What's up? Hey guys, can you turn the house lights on for a second? Is there a trevor here? Where are that stupid shirt?

I You like you fucking you like green what do you Irish? All right, let's kill the lights Yeah, the fuck is wrong with that's the expectation like they're toddlers like a three-year-old. It's my birthday. Okay Yeah, I mean or the I But one thing I would like to improve on with chris larson. I really liked his message about not eating too much candy It's very important. It's so important. It's it you know, I that's another facet

We're forgetting here in these videos is like the informational stuff The cautionary like hey, don't do that otherwise. I would have liked to have heard like um Also, don't forget to brush your teeth after he didn't address cavities, which is a huge huge problem Yeah, yeah, you don't want to get cavities because those are bad Then let's elaborate more on the safety measures do better chris is what I'm trying to say Well, I mean, I would I think I would just look I would encourage him more than crit You know, I mean chris just needs encourage. No, but I'm saying I can see the comments already. Oh, you're saying they're gonna say that Yeah, it's like do better. What about the cavity?

Yeah, the awareness you're not bringing awareness to dental hygiene and dental decay You're promoting eating sugars without without brushing your teeth, you know, you're a bad person I'm just trying to save his social. Oh, I see. Okay. Yeah. Oh, it's a good point. Good point. Yeah um You also had a um pretty eventful weekend with the children. Listen so much is going on in my world First of all First of all, I was out of town last weekend with chase And in my usual fashion what we've been doing for the last what five or six years now every time I address

Anybody in public. It's hey mommy. Thanks james. I do it. I do it to anybody. Yeah First time in years somebody called me out on it It was a waitress At a restaurant we were dining at it never happened never happens and I go Thanks, mommy And she goes did you just call me mommy? And I was like, yeah, yeah, I call everybody mommy and I was like, oh, I've never been called out You know, I was a little embarrassed like I was put off that someone actually questioned. Yeah, you feel that rush. Yeah

You catch me being a child Yeah, I got kind of hot in the face and I was like, whatever it's what I do Yeah, like I'm the love guy. Yeah My identity and um, she's like, you just call me mommy and I was like, yeah, that's my thing I just call everybody mommy and she was like, okay She's like mommy and then she got something and she came back and she's like, yeah, because one time I was at a I was at a gay bar And somebody called me a mommy mommy there too and I was with chase and so I think and we weren't not looking good

I mean, we were looking like we just rolled out of bed and got breakfast together, which is what you did We did so I think she thought maybe chase and I were partners I like women. Yeah Perfect. Yeah, perfect. Don't call me daddy. Yeah Perfect. That was a great drop by that. It was such good timing If only you could do it with the glove on your hand. Oh, it's gonna happen. Believe me when I get that touch glove next week Yeah, yeah, we hear

So she started saying like, oh, I thought that was a lesbian thing and then she's And then I don't think I think she was gay because then she kind of parked at the table and talked to chase Yeah, the entire time and I was like Okay, now. Bye. Bye now. She's like, uh, mommy like she kept laughing. She's never heard of the podcast brought it back But but she was really nice about it. So, uh, there you go. I finally got caught and then number two My worst nightmare come true came true this weekend nightmare my nightmare Mm-hmm

So awful, babe. So our youngest boy had croup, which is an upper respiratory infection and it narrows their You know breathing passage. Anyway, every time so bad He was at breakfast and he would get into coughing fits so bad that it triggered his gag reflex and he would vomit And cough so this happened once and I was like Like I tried not to freak. I I was like, it's okay. It's okay. You know, meanwhile inside I'm fucking losing my mind. You really you really it's not like you're like, I don't like puke. You really have like a Yeah, I got mental problems. There's a real phobia. I've had I've seen therapists for it

I've gone to hypnotherapy to try to get over my fear my phobia. You really really have a phobia. It's just it's a fuck It's my thing. It's my weird thing. Okay. I'm about to throw up. Yeah, I don't like it And then he pukes again. He starts coughing and vomiting again And then you vom okay like four more times and he's standing there crying And I have to hold it together and not panic so that I don't Make him panic and don't give him a phobia the way my mother gave it to me So I have to say like when it was our baby's vomit. Yeah It's it's not the same as like some dude's vomit, you know, yeah

Because it's your baby and you're like, I love you. It's just a part of you And I think I may have gotten over my thing of my fear of vomiting because I dealt with so much vomit this weekend Well, just so you know, he's totally fine. I called the doctor immediately and they gave him a steroid and he opened him up and he didn't vomit anymore, but I think I'm over it dude. I literally cleaned up like four five six rounds of blah, blah, blah, blah He threw up on me. We were watching tv and he started coughing. He's sitting on my lap

He fucking started coughing and then he vomited on me on him on our couch So I stood up I took off my clothes. I took his because he was freaking out that it was on him I took it off him. I cleaned up the couch with the vomit on it It's a lot And I'd fed him a lot of macaroni and cheese and pizza like he ate a lot, dude Oh, not only that I made popcorn with m&m's in it like we just had a feast, bro With m&m's in it. It's my trick. It's my white trash treat dude

Like he was eating like a horse and he fucking barf all that out, bro So wait, close your eyes. Okay. Hold on. Let me see if I can do this. So I think I think I'm over it. Okay. All right. Ready? Yeah I don't like it. Oh, I don't like it. I don't like that part. I still don't like no. No Still bothers you I think when it's a grown man like it's a knot my Okay, I think I'm done I'm glad you guys like this

That was horrible. That doesn't bother you. Not at all. No, not at all. No That made me feel sick a lot. Really? I see that I didn't like that gurgling. Yeah, it was a lot I had I had to take I had to take so much Xanax to deal with the vomiting. Yeah when he was doing it. Really? Yeah How much dude I like well, I'm I take gabapentin. I was popping how many were you taking bro like two every fucking few hours what Well, because like

I'm supposed to okay So So what happens is like like when you have like a severe phobia you go crazy like you dissociate Yeah, I was starting to dissociate and get Yeah So the gabapentin it calms me down and then eventually I had to take xanax because oh because then what happened was Do every few hours because what happened was his croup is getting so bad They gave him the steroid, but it wasn't taking effect and they got the doctor goes

Well, if he still this his breathing was really labored and it was really scary And I was in there like well if it his breathing doesn't improve in two hours take him to the er So I'm alone with the kids I'm like so what do I do I take my fucking five year old and the two year old or three year old to the The er like my whole you know it was a lot. It wasn't just the vomiting It was the prospect of going to the emergency room And him him not being able to breathe and all this shit. So yeah, man I fucking did what I had to do to get through it and you know, I got through it and I took xanax

I'm not going to put these back in I'll I'll change it. I'll change it. I'll change it. So so so I changed it. I changed lies. I promise I promise I promise I won't do it again. It was fun. Now. It'll be too much. I won't do it again. I promise I won't do it again I swear Because then you won't put them in again for the rest of the show. Yeah, so I won't do it again. I just never stopped you Lies, I won't Yeah, see well, he said my name around doesn't he always call me christine. No, he says christina. I block it out

I dissociate when he comes on. Let me put my tongue in your hand We're back We're here. We're queer get used to it. We're gay. We're fucking you like it Um, you got our moffies Got those. I actually Um, have a little challenge going for the month. Yes. Tell me about that. I am lots of big changes for you First the glove and I don't know if I should say the challenge. Should I say it's up to you? You know what? I'm not gonna say the challenge. No, no cut that part out

Yep, I actually leave it in let him fucking wonder what it is. Oh Okay That's an interesting choice you made. Yeah, okay Well, I have an announcement to make I I offered up my scoot scoot Yeah as part of the last ymh live I offered to to give my scoot scoot to somebody who bought a ticket to that show. Yeah, how'd that go? Who'd you get it to so there's a there's a few candidates I thought would be really good and I I gave it to a girl named ali

In arizona she unfortunately was injured by a drunk driver a few years ago and had to have repeated surgeries So she's up for her next surgery and could really use that scoot scoot. So congratulations ali in arizona I hope you use it. Well, I even sent along the contents of the basket Wow, some used popsicle sticks and all your design features of the design features are on there. How are you shipping that? How does that go? That's more of an hps is problem What if I wrote it to her like I scooted all the way from texas to arizona work anymore when I got there Um, what could you imagine someone doing that like forest gump instead of running? I scoot scooted across america. Yeah, it'd be pretty cool

It'll be really stupid and hot so hot. Thanks everybody that that joined us for the live show It was really fun to do it. Yeah, that was awesome Live audience. We're talking about doing another one Not too long from now in a In a studio Yeah, studio jeans. I don't know if it'll be like a high tech studio like this or another studio But we'll do it in a studio I do have to say though props to any for setting this and he set it up

I mean he set that up too, you know that whole team there. Yeah, the whole team Everybody worked really hard on that but I'm just saying I think you mean the glamor Of the nothing can rival this Well set deck. Yeah Oh, there's a plant That's kind of nice. I mean that's a nice little bachelor pad touch. Yeah, and it's already browning too So no one's been watering you think he's bringing a hose in this room. He's like you want you want to see the set Don't call me daddy

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, he's bringing hose. He's banging hose all over this set. He's like you listen to your mom's house Oh You remember one of the og best Like like this is an evergreen all-time classic top 10 video right top 10. Oh my I'm excited Trying to see my song trying to see my song Um, okay, here we go. Here we go I'm another beat down for you. I try to practice practice my own song. This is my introduction to my song

Coming at you. Here we go. I'll sing it. That's a long intro I forgot how long that intro He's ripping up machines with thin machines with thin. They got a gun and got a gun. Yeah, I got a gun terminator gun Yeah, machines with thin machines with thin t 16 t 16 t 16 100% t 16 machines with thin machines with thin I I just mark it on my flow. I just fucked up the lyrics. I just uh, it's been a while

Trying to rake my rap trying to make my rap trying to practice on my flow trying to practice on my flow Machines with thin machines with thin machines with thin Am I on the street? I don't give a f If the haters if all the haters much love no hate machines with thin Wow, I forgot how good that song is at what point Do you think his parents were like this is gonna he's not gonna do a lot? You think it was great school I think you can tell pretty early. Yeah and children like this one's touched as they say

special Spatial Call me a chomo So it's been a while and that is one of the all-time best. I mean best Videos I think ever ever um on this show. I mean we we played machines with thin there was machines within remakes That was the best part people put it to electronic beats hip-hop death metal like

Remade machines with an over and over acoustic versions of machines with an acoustic versions We partnered with him on merch. We had a machine It was it took over the nation the world really it was we were like I forget who the time was reaching out. It might have been the dove and he was like Yeah I spoke to him he's cool We're trying to get him to sign this release And he was like no, that's cool. He's like no you gotta sign it

Um anyway, yeah, you ready you mean he he didn't have a legal Okay So are you ready for the update? I'm I'm I'm pins and needles. I'm fucking he's back Oh, yes Yo, yo blah blah blah blah blah blah. Ha ha ha. I'm cutter. Yeah, you can call me cutter Yeah, I've got it right got it cut cut a smile upon your face enemy my enemy enemy my enemy I mean you can say those things you can say those things Do I give a fly an f u c k f u c k f u c k?

I don't give a fly an f u c k enemy of my enemy. I'm trying to make friends and family Much love no hate. Who's got my back? Who's riding with me till a day? I die Who's riding with me till a day? I die. I ride with the four horsemen Four horsemen of the apocalypse. I wrapped the hatchet too for life. Yo Yeah, you can say those things you can say those things ride with the gala dead. I ride till I die till I die till I die till I die Wow amazing powerful work Pretty cool machine with in guy Um, well, you can tell that his craft has evolved quite a bit

I mean first of all as far as a showman goes Look at the face. Well, he already gave homage to icp. We saw that. Yeah. Yeah, of course He put his own twist on it and made it more of like the joker joker with the cutter face cutter I'll put cutter on your face and the lyrics are just all over. It was like what a ride that was Yeah, um, well, I think you know, we've all suffered through this last year and a half with the pandemic and he's taken on a darker tone Yeah, the four horsemen another interesting choice. Sure. It's a like this is a music But he's giving you a song but you hear the television at full volume in the back you know

And so you kind of have to tune your ear to like, what do I want to hear? Do I want to hear what you're watching or do I want to hear your song? Well, Tom, as we know one of the hallmarks of a great ymh video is the inability to listen for sound To turn down that tv great angle great angle Maybe wait for the train to stop before you record your videos stuff like that. Yeah, it's pretty cool Hey, but he did a great job on his makeup That's really good. It's very terrifying actually. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I would actually Not approach this guy

I would never approach that guy and also He used to just say f F all now it's f you see he spelled it out. He spelled it out So he's now really showing that aggression. Yeah, really getting out there. Yeah, I'm excited for this in the real It's always interesting when there's a guy who will like spell a swear word But you also don't doubt that he would disembowel somebody In his yard

You know Yeah, why hold back? I wonder whole white baby, bro. Yeah Yeah Well, I'm really excited for this chapter of his work and and the remixes and I'm sure will come Oh, I hope there's some really good versions of Uh, what do we call this song the four horsemen four horsemen or the cutter song the cutter And also a lot of talking again The theme being against the haters if you're not with me or against me sort of thing

Another apocalypse. I read the hatchet too, bro. I feel Yeah, you can say those things you can say those things ride with the dela dare die right till i die till i die till i die till i die till i die till i die till i die till i die till i die Till i die maybe yeah death darkness a lot in this why can't we get this clip over to shaggy see what he thinks of it This is a great idea Tom this isn't we have to do that. Can we can we facilitate that guys? Sure. I would like a reaction video From shaggy. Yeah Yeah, this is amazing work I wonder if shaggy feels that you know the little style suck here, but also

You know you you take what you like and then you build on it. So maybe that's what he's doing Maybe here. Yeah, we'll see how that goes. Wow. Well, I'm just excited. He's back in our lives It's been a few years since his last hit. Yeah machines within it's gonna be hard to top machines within Because that that actually had a really good hook and i'm not sure what's the hook on this one again. Let's Let's not let's not listen to it again. Oh, okay. Yeah, I mean i'm willing to help but yeah Because that first hit, you know, it's it hit it says come on eileen. It's like a one hit I worry that we're gonna You know what I mean? Mm-hmm machines within machines within

T16 working on my flows. I know. Yeah, the the machines with him was very catchy. He's gonna have a hard time topping that It's uh, yeah, I mean here's like yeah, you got a couple uh Selects of the uh song here. I can pull this out. These are just some of the lyrics Um enemy of my enemy enemy of my enemy Pretty good. Wow That's interesting. Yeah Yeah, it's like I I know that a lot of people Um were disturbed when they saw the joker the last one, you know, I didn't like that. Yeah

I you know what really disturbed me is how many people really resonated with that movie and how many talks I saw of guys dressed up like that joker and people really Loving That I mean I saw he portrayed he portrayed mental illness so well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I laughed so hard. Yeah When remember when he killed that guy at the end In his apartment and the little guy was like, uh Yeah, that was a funny part though. I like that Yeah, I like that part too though

I don't think I've laughed that hard since that went in henry portrait of a serial killer The next snapping when he snaps the hooker his friend's like, um Yeah, yeah, you got to watch the new soprano's movie. It's so good. Yeah, it's so good the saints of the many saints of new Yeah, there's a lot of great moments like that and jose's in it I Love joey coco Diaz is in it. Yeah, he makes the movie obviously I mean he looks like one of those guys for real and he's just he's fantastic. Yeah, he's just joey diaz

Great job. My love so great. Yeah, and then james kennel finney's son michael plays a young Uh, tony soprano, I didn't know that so that was a nice surprise And I was watching it and I'm like, wow this kid really has james kennel finney's Manorisms down and movements. This kid is really good. He even looks like him and I googled him like an idiot That's when I learned that Makes a lot of sense So fucking stupid, um But you know what's really sucked about that movie the only thing I didn't like

But no a j no meadow Those are our friends. Well, yeah, because they weren't born yet. Whatever they can't you know I know have they seen it you talked to them. Uh, yeah rob As I believe and jamey has not yet. She's planning on watching it. Rob like it. Yeah. Yeah, it's good um You're gonna be a little upset about this Was it barfing? No, no, no not like that You had a really original idea

For the name of your new special. Yeah my struggle Oh Yeah Hey, wait a minute Bougie bougie badass just stole this little boozy boozy. Yeah, are you kidding me? Yeah, he did it What the fuck it's out now What the fuck man? So I think it is It's over

You're gonna go with the other title I have gt rtd. No touch my camera with my camera to keep you faggot. I don't know if netflix is gonna approve They'll just let me talk to them You what if babe, babe, what if you rally like all your clout like you are really like listen It needs to be touch my camera through the fence you And they're like wait what? You can't do that and you're like i'm tom segura. Do you want my next hour or not? I don't think I would like to have that

conversation But I want you to use all your power to make it I just think it should be called touch my camera through the fence You know, hold on To be clear But you you wouldn't prefer to watch a special title touch my camera through the fence comma You don't think that's more of an eye grabber I

Mean are we marketing here or what? And the best part is my hour is like not related to that at all. You're like what I got you the press play didn't I? Touching my camera through the fence you faggot. I mean that's a title. Yeah, that is a good title. It's so long too It is a really long title And there's a there's those marketing meetings where you explain the title And they're like, so what's this all about? Be like, you know, like if you walk up to like a private business And you're recording them

And then you know, I mean the guy tries to touch your camera through the fence and they're like, holy shit This person is out of their fucking mind I know but that's why I want you to go to bat for it Like I really want you to get get agent jeans and you know what we could do because I don't think I have the juice I think you do. I think you do. I don't think I do but I do think If I called some friends I go, could you join me? We get rogan. Yeah, I've done a few shows with chappelle. He'd be the old I was like, could you please? Get involved

He's like, I man Little bird I heard that uh tom's lady wants to touch the camera through the fence I Was your problem with that Joe Joe be like, why are they trying to silence you? And I could play the the woman card like clearly it's because I'm a woman, isn't it and then Schumer Schumer will call Why are they doing this to a woman?

Is it because I'm aged out of hollywood? And then they're like, all right, it's touch my fucking camera through the fence you touch my camera through the fence I can't believe he named it my struggle. I mean, has he been listening to the show? Is that I mean, I think it's kind of obvious You know, it's so it's oh, there it is. Well, that that was the original artwork that maybe we were thinking no I don't think that's good artwork. Oh, well, I thought that was kind of neat because it's like it's recognizable people don't know exactly where from but you know Familiarity with something new right is what I was thinking. That's marketing. Oh man. That made me laugh. Yeah

You know, it's so great about our agent Shout out to agent jeans. Yeah is that he's so he is willing to make your dreams come true He will go to bat if you're like, I want this. I'm like, all right. I'll I'll see what they say My tour manager is like that. All right, Dave. Oh my god. This is the best thing that's happened on tour It was night three officially of the tour. We were in Hampton Beach And where is Hampton Beach, New Hampshire? So we're at Hampton Beach. I'm standing in the wings

Full charge is on stage. Did I tell this story already? No Um, we're on stage. He's on stage. I'm waiting to go up. I'm just staying there. There's like a couple minutes left Full charge. I don't want to give away any material, but he is doing uh, like material about the catholic church Let's just say that and like he's killing and he's he's roasting him So Dave looks at me and at one point I go No

He's like what I go. I don't like this shit like that. I don't like this. Yeah, he's like no No And he's like, okay And then he get full charge is like another joke and I go Hey For real He goes What should I tell him? I go knock this shit off

And then he's like, okay, and I go I want pro christian jokes up there And Dave Dave has a headphone because he's like talking to all the stage hands and everything and he just takes a thing and he goes Okay And I think I think we're doing a bit together. He doesn't think so he doesn't think so shut up So I go up. So matt comes off and I go up and I'm up there an hour I come off stage and I get in the green room and matt who I've known almost 20 years goes like really? I'm like what he goes He goes you don't like that stuff and I go what he goes

My the catholic jokes and I go what are you talking? He goes Dave pull me aside And I go Oh my god, I start laughing. So I go no, I was I was joking. He goes I thought so he goes he pulled me This but this when you know, someone's like got your back, right? Yeah, he goes. They pull me aside I got off stage he goes matt. Sorry. I have to tell you this but uh, we're not gonna be doing any of that like Those catholic things or any of that material. All right tom doesn't like it And matt's like you're fucking with me. He goes. I'm not fucking with you

But the the best part is he goes he wants Pro christian stuff So matt goes not only was I told that not to do jokes but to write new material For the next show I wish you would have stuck to it and make him make a christian joke. I laughed. You know what I love jesus jesus, huh? You know, it really gets me steamed. You know who gets it the most right catholics Is this good? Are you happy now tom? We have your fucking mind counts in the background. Yeah, we could take that down Jesus christ

I would love matt to do christian material But the best thing though because we're talking about like age and genes and davis that they're they're like that They have your back. They're like if you said that i'm doing it But but can't you see now how famous people go crazy totally because they're not we're joke. We're comedians Yeah, we don't I'm I pull I'm like i'm joking But then like some crazy singer some diva singers like no, I really want this. Yeah, I really want only white flowers Yeah, okay Look, and then they get to the thing. There's no they're like are you out of your fucking mind

She's supposed to sing. There's no white flowers in here She's crazy. I know because I don't have a writer Every club I go to they're like you don't want anything. I'm like no, it's a comedy club. What are you gonna fucking get me? some dirty nachos Don't there's nothing here and i'm not gonna waste your time Bringing me the only thing I ask for when I get off stage is a glass of wine. That's my one thing That's a reasonable and I always think give me the most expensive bottle the club has because that's a $10 bottle Like let's be honest at a comedy club. It's not good

The thing is when you do like when you put things on writers, um, you know really crazy things Yeah, some artists go like oh look what I got and they're like yeah, yeah, yeah And you need someone to tell you like you bought that. Oh, right. It wasn't a gift Like you can go to green rooms you're like wow and they're like yeah, they put this out here Yeah, because you told them to and they bought it with your money with your money. You bought it. Yeah, it's coming out of your Pay it totally of course. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't have a crazy writer at all What what do you need? You're only at the fucking venue for four hours. I don't like strong overhead lights So I might turn light put lamps on instead of lights. Oh, yeah, I'm the same way

I always make it dark a bluetooth speaker so I can listen to music whatever you don't want It's a little one that we bought so it's portable and they're like it's yours. Actually you bought it Yeah, um, and then like but you bring that with you bring it to every venue I don't bring it but somebody you know brings it and then um, uh Now I have like meat and veggie trays. That's nice water tea Yeah, you know, sometimes we have drinks after a show, you know, but usually nothing crazy See, I've asked for the the veggie tray and then it's comedy club veggie. Yeah. Yeah, it's like the gross shit

And I'm like that's all right. I'd rather just not get diarrhea. I don't want to eat it You should see I postmates now. I get stuff. We had a meal bar on the thing and One of the venues they're like we went to six different grocery stores. Yeah, I need you to do that I'm like, oh, yeah, we're I'm not even gonna have one. No, don't waste your time Yeah I was like, I'm sorry. Well, that's what so I so when I go I go, what do people ask for? What should I be asking for and they'll say things like Uh, so and so requested

Papst blue ribbon. That's the last one I heard papst blue ribbon But that we don't that that they don't sell that in this region So somebody had to drive an hour and a half outside town to find papst blue ribbon And then when the person when they gave it to the person the person was like, oh, no, thanks I don't want that anymore. It's like so you're just wasting people's time totally nonsense. You know what uh, the Foo Fighters had it. I think Foo Fighters or Green Day had fresh white socks. That's a nice one I've heard of comedians doing well because of that but they heard about from those guys and I heard I don't have it But I I did go like oh, there's nothing better than putting on a fresh pair of socks, right?

Well, my feet are so sweaty and I and I You don't realize how sweaty they are until I get home from from life and I take off those sneakers and I'm like I should change my socks and they're so much fresher I don't realize how sweaty and gross I am Maybe add it to the rider. Yeah Uh, horrible hilarious. We'll see. Oh gosh. Okay. I'm scared. Oh, I don't like it Fuck dude. Oh, not on his nuts No, no, nope. That was his leg though. I don't know

I don't like watching young men get hurt Because I have two young ones that I'm raising and I don't like that Yeah, that one was neither horrible or hilarious Neither. Oh, that's interesting. That's a new category. Right. Neither nor neither. Neither nor. Here's another one Hey, there I am That's the same one I had Yeah, you better be careful, dude Oh

Fuck see That's what I'm talking about, dude. He was hauling ass. That's you can't go that fast on a scoot scoop And I think he was hauling ass because there's media there. He was trying to look cool or just trying to get away from them You know, like didn't want to deal with them. Like let's fucking that guy's got his, uh, crutch Crutchy, yeah, and he's like, let's just fucking get through this hall. See and that's the indoor outdoor scoot scoot That's the same one I had it's rugged. It can take that kind of abuse normally But on a slippery floor like that We watch the tape here. I'm just curious to see where he went wrong because you can do you can go fast

But it's really the surface. You have to be careful. Yeah Yeah, it's the slipperiness There he goes. He's got the boot too Did he go for a turn? Yeah, so he lost control it turned But because he's going too fast going too fast and then it's slid. Yeah. Yeah, that's that's terrible And you could have re-injured his injury there for sure. That's what I they always warned me about They're like, you don't want to respray in the ankle. So because of that, I'm going to go ahead and say hilarious I

Don't know why but I thought this is like a prime minister. Is this yeah, it's not your dough, but I think it is uh Somebody in politics. Yeah, you can fuck up if you're trying to go too fast You can't go too fast on that scoot scoot alley. I'm just letting you know in Arizona. Be careful. Don't book ass in that thing don't Now you got to take your turn especially especially around the turn But you know what? There's a mechanism on there when you turn it slows you down automatically Yeah, so that you can't go too fast and spin out of control cheers cheers cheer up listen, I don't uh

I don't know if now is a good time, but The truth must come out okay For years Years you and your friends have been perpetrating a lie known as the poop aisle

Not a lie now hold on Yana this started I would say what 16 years ago when 17 years ago when you and I first started dating That wasn't 17 years ago. Well, when how long we've been together It's um, you might be right 16. You're right. It's 16. Okay. Sorry yana lying already interesting This lie started 16 years ago You told me when you lived with your friends your boy friends and was it north carolina Yes That you guys started what was known as a poo pile and that when you had to go brown

You guys would go in the backyard And then you would shit and then the other guy would come and shit on top of only the shit only junior year Only your junior year of college. Yeah. Oh, okay And that the poo pile got so high you had to build a ladder and then What was it again? a ladder up a tree and then we had like a A toilet seat that was drilled into the to the tree and you'd sit there and you just shit

But people in the neighborhood would do it too Okay So I did not believe you initially and then you would call your friends on speakerphone and have them Corroborate is that the right word the story? Yeah, you're getting better at words now. Thank you The other day we were in the living room and I We were talking about shitting outside because my friend of mine was going camping And I casually and I remembered the poo pile and I was setting you up. I'm not gonna lie Yeah, and I casually said to you tom. Oh tom

love of my life father of my two sons Have you ever taken a dump outdoors? Mm-hmm. You thought about it. Yeah, I do you went you went When you look in the sky and you think and you look in the sky and you think and you said no, correct But I rest my case. I meant outside of the home What's a poo pile? Well, it was in my backyard. So that was like shitting outdoors Yeah, but I thought you meant like on a camping trip, you know, I mean like Like what you were talking about was like those people are digging a hole and taking care of it

We were just shitting into the yard Which is outdoors outside in our backyard Which is outside last time I checked. So Yana Okay, so I'll say this. Yeah outside of that. I've never shit outdoors You didn't qualify the statement Then I caught you red-handed the look on your face when I said, oh, what about the poo pile? You hadn't heard that phrase in a long time and I got you

I got you It took me 16 years to catch you in a line. I did it. You did. Yes. I did brown lock caught you I got you Poo pile my ass You want to go we can probably visit the area. No, thanks. I think I'm going to north carolina Where are you going? Raleigh For uh one night in raleigh one night only one night only it's uh, November fourth I said it faster November November fourth

Like good nights. Yeah. Yeah, November fourth. Uh, I know you've been there before. Yeah, I have Pooh, you know what's exciting about that is that two nights in a row before that date. Yeah, I'm going to see bow house No, wow that that is exciting Two nights of bow house What the one night you're gonna see them November second and November third and I've got a spare ticket and I'm waiting for you to join I'm working both nights. Thanks. Okay I thought you finally wanted to see what bow house is all about really enjoy the goth flavors

You don't like bella ghost. He's dead You know, you you like any other music you like tones on tail. I did I did like that Yeah, and I actually enjoyed a couple bow house songs. I'm not gonna lie. Which ones I don't remember their names. She's retarded That one Says the man Do you know what fans have made cover songs of bow house like in ymh? It's amazing. Oh really she's in parties. That's a song all right Um, very cool. I can't believe I caught you in the pooh pile

It's not a lie. You're still not gonna own up to it. This is ridiculous. It's not a lie 16 years. You're still gonna lie I'm not lying, man If you want to move in you can move in you move into my house and go to the pooh pile in my backyard So many people did it Who else did it? Well, everybody that lived there people that come over friends. Let's go ahead. Who lived there? me case Justin and then me case Justin, right? And then we had visitors all the time. Chuck went there Jimmy red all those guys pooped there

Uh, sometimes girls would do it neighborhood kids. Yeah Now you're just now you're lying No, maybe like that's pretty crazy. I want to try it, you know, you mean to tell me that women joined in on This is north carolina What is that southern women are way more civilized you don't know the fucking animals that I went to school with These bits would go up there and just take beer diarrhea shits, you know No woman would take a shit in front of 20 year old boys. Sure. It's silly. Yeah You shit in front of everybody outside. There's no way

Okay, you don't even poo poo with the door open in in our house. How could you shit in front of all your friends outside? It's silly. There's a traumatizing time. You won't even talk through the door I try to have these conversations with you and you won't even talk to me through the door Yeah, well that should be the name of the special talk to me through the door. Fuck face My wife my husband won't talk to me through the door Don't show off now like you drink water. Oh out of here with that, please Please you please. Why don't you talk to me through the door? I just want to have conversations the fuck you want to talk about Stuff like schedule. Hey, babe. The the exterminator's come and take care of the are you going to be home?

You just have to say yes or no. It's real simple. Are you are you home on the 6th? I'm gonna I like being left alone in there So just answer a question. I like being left alone in there. Are you? Is that so insane to ask? Yeah, well, yeah, no, you can't do it. You can't leave me alone in there I need to know stuff sometimes Okay But I miss you when you're in there. You miss me when I'm pooping. Yeah, I like you. I like being around you

Huh? Huh stupid shit All you dumb cunt, don't you know I love you? Yeah, fuck face. Okay What are you looking for? Oh, just something to Play I got this for you. How do you get a job here there fuck face? There you go What else you got for me some horrible shit Um, let me see. Do I have this is kind of was she something horrible? Yeah always Um, you know some talks we do some fucking talks. We will in a moment. Move in. You can move in. This is horrible

horrible who fucking Cartes is negative. These is the biggest motherfucking roaches I ever seen in a fucking open my god. Yes. I am recording a beach car at the walmart because bitch. I am blow Do y'all see this? How the fuck do they sit down? Look on the back of the thing Shit. Oh, I thought it was coming out of the car lord jesus They all in the dashboard. Oh fuck that dude. What in the world? What tech did you put on there? These girls got gotta be pets. Ain't no way to be driving. This is all committing suicide. She's right

So if you're listening she's recording a parked card in a walmart parking lot And it is just in she's walking around but inside there's just dozens of roaches Oh, I thought it was coming out of the car lord jesus That's that's all in the dashboard. What the fuck is wrong with you? That's gotta be These bitches is huge Do you think this is an abandoned car it's gotta be an abandoned car. I mean Nah, if it's in a walmart What people abandoned cars in parking lots. Is that right? I mean, I would burn that fucking thing

Me too. I was just like dude. I'm getting a new car. Oh, yeah, I wouldn't even no no don't exterminate Take the car take it away. Your car now burn that shit. Yeah Ugh, that is gnarly. What is wrong with people? Oh my god I didn't even know that it was possible that the roaches could live and sustain That means that they're eating something. There's a food supply in there. Well, maybe there's a bunch of food in there Oh I've seen people would like food trash in their car

I like when I see those it's like a special sighting. You know, you're like, oh, there's a crazy person The trash came on wheels car to the windows. You're like, what the fuck's going on in here? But I do. Yeah, I like when I see them because I'm like, oh, you're so mentally ill That's right. Let's see. No, no, I got I got a pee. It's like a pee bottle. Oh, that's what you're looking at I can tell you're agitated. My baby's agitated We're back. We made peas Now I made the great mistake of ordering boneless

Chicken wings. Have you done that before? Yeah and I mean, it's what it says it is. Yeah, but they're fucking terrible because it's not The same meat. It's not that they take the tiny little morsel wings and then just debone them Which is what I thought it would be. It's that it's the breast. Wait, you thought they deboned Wings in there like now mash that together Yes And and get some glue or something make it

And it not until you wait you graduated college And wait and not until now that you just point out how absurd the thought is Like just now you illustrated that just made me realize how stupid that was this whole time my 45 years of life Yeah, I literally I thought boneless chicken wings meant that somebody painstakingly took out the tiny bones The two tiny in the wing and then the big one and then mashed it together and then did all the saucing and stuff cool Man See the problem is is that I think I was studying

Useless things for so many years that useful things. I just didn't pay attention to like boneless chicken wings. That's super Super important to talk about Well, it kind of is because they fucking suck. I just want to know I've never seen somebody get upset about boneless chicken wings They're terrible. What's the upsetting part? I'll tell you what I don't like the the distribution of sauce and like friedness is different because It's like a disgusting part of the chicken. It's the driest part of the chicken It's the breast and then it's not as good The salt you need the sauce and like the crunchy of the skin and the bone

See nadov is a wing expert, right nadov explain to my husband why it fucking sucks. All right, so look normal wings See, I know like red dissertation. You could see what part of the chicken it comes from when it's just boneless chicken It's just like all the scraps. So you get in the gizzard You're getting like you're getting mystery meat in your nuggets. You don't want that This is coming from a guy that goes to wingstop six times a week, right? Six times a day sometimes. Yeah, okay all right, yeah nadov How do you feel about your like your type like you like orange spicy orange, right?

Like that's spicy buffalo meaning like it should just be are you a purist and then it's but oh you mean but you mean buffalo? Yeah, yeah I like spicy orange But do you think I don't I think also like the honey glazing is a little unacceptable There's I mean, there's a couple, you know, it's uh, I got a little routine if I'm in keto Then like yeah, buffalo is good. Buffalo is good if you're trying to treat yourself You get a little barbecue, you know, yeah, I like barbecue. Are you doing keto now? I'm gonna be getting into it a little Okay

Yeah, yeah first week in Austin might not be your best time to try it. Yeah, I'm just trying to get around It's uh, I've learned that you know Jay boys is is a pretty meat. It's pretty calorically dense as well. So I'm just trying to you went to Jay boys. Yeah They have they have a sub shop too. I'm gonna try the burger spot next So I weren't going in reverse. I tried the burger spot. Everyone's like you got to try the sub shop Ooh, what'd you get at the burger shop? I got an old school just a classic Jay burger Did you like it excellent actually Yeah, hell yeah. Well, I really liked uh, what'd they do? It was like a filly hot cheese pastrami or something

Something like that. It was good. It was tasted very Jay and uh in a way that I liked it did taste Jay But that's that's what I'm wondering is what makes it a chewy taste. Is it that it's strawberry? It's the pastrami There's no juice sauce that they put on there Juice sauce. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we call it. We call it brown mustard. Oh, I like brown mustard. Yeah Yeah, that's what the jays like I know what jays like Stop commenting daddy under my post you guys, please Please women won't like me anymore

Like that's holding up his whole game. Yeah, so great. It's fantastic. Please He had like cool hand moves though. I do like when he was like, yeah You know, and I like that tat. Yeah, it's funny. He's like yesterday. That shit was no I That's everybody commenting daddy Hey, have you thought of any good tattoos for your scars for my scars? Yeah No, not really. I think I'm gonna stay just tattooless So I had one idea, but then I was like, oh, this is kind of stupid

So my scar looks like okay, you know the tube station map In england you get in london you get on the tube and it's got the the line with the dots dot dot Those are the destinations. That's what my scar looks like And so maybe it's like their tube stops and then the last one is like the staircase that I fell down Pretty good You're gonna do that But then I'd have to tattoo over the scar and I was like, oh, that would hurt, right? Like does it hurt more to get? I don't know Maybe it's just a thought. It's a stupid thought I had when I was high on xanax. Yeah, you were eating two every hour

So, yeah, let's see how that would happen That's gabapentin. You have a pen The one milder than xanax All right Yeah, what does it say tattoo over scar? Um, what are you reading? I'm reading this screen. Oh Can you get a tattoo over a scar? What's it say? If I can't read it, in some way scars are like tattoos. They're permanent body. Um, in some cases

Scars like tattoos might carry. Okay, hold on. If you have surgery done on a tattooed area of your body There's a chance the procedure could disfigure the tattoo. No shit. However, surgeons coming I don't know It's important to use an experienced tattoo or just kind of touching over your scar or incorporating the scar into the design So you can yeah, maybe tattoo around the scar and use it Mine's kind of keloid. What does it say about raised? Yeah, everybody's body is different So everyone's level of pain tolerance is different. Blah blah blah scar tissue is generally more painful to tattoo So there you go. That's the answer

Experts say that scar pain is common especially for people whose scars have caused nerve damage or compression like amputee Yeah, definitely my scars are definitely more sensitive. It is. Mm-hmm. They are yours Um, I guess mine's like chunky like kind of keloid II I have a keloid II part at the top on the bicep. Yeah, but the uh, none of the forearm. How's your recovery? It's getting there. I'm gonna go see him soon. The guy that did your surgery See him on seeing him on monday. Nice Monday morning. He's gonna see how how far you've come Assess it or whatever. Yeah Nice, I think he's supposed to tell me whether I have clearance to just go

Go hand jet skiing jet skiing pick up weights. Yeah, man. I've been waiting for you to get on the cd Listen, listen, I went 58 on our cd. I could not believe this. Yeah That is flying on that thing But doesn't it only go to 50? I think you told me no It can hit it can hit 62 the one that yeah that one. Yeah, dude. I was I was right there I mean that is mobbing And here's the thing man is that I started really gentle right slow like 22 the first time I ever went out I went 22 and then gradually like the next time 30

Is that like 32 38 smart to gauge like kind of get ready and then it was like glass last week, dude And it was just so chill and I was like, oh Because I want to go out with my friend who also Is down the down the lake, but I'm like, I don't want to be that guy. That's like I just started doing this It's only go 20. Yeah, like I want to I want to stunt and show her like what's up, bitch? Like I've been here too I can do this, you know Yeah Like I just I just want to show that I'm I'm not afraid

Yeah, well 58 just so you know if you and you should and I mean, you know, it's a see-do They're meant to do that, but it's good to do it when it's glass. Yeah Open make sure you see who's in front of you. What's around you. There's nobody there. Yeah. Yeah If there are people there if the water is choppy at all or if you did any like you will fuck yourself up at 58 You'll be unconscious first of all so you won't know that you did but you will be wrecked So you're saying if I were to get thrown off that it would just be like hitting pavement. Yeah, basically Yeah, definitely. Yeah, definitely because I was going so there was a time I was going so fast that my cheeks were like

Like the wind was in my cheeks And then and then I felt the bugs hitting my face and I was like The other one goes faster. That's what that's what I'm I'm gonna ask you is that may I try the other one? Of course Really? You think I'm ready? Oh, yeah Okay, and what I would say is like aim for a building like try to Do you see that I think Now you should be able to get that one close to you should get that one close to 70

58 was pretty scary. I'm not I mean I did kind of panic a little when I saw the number I was like, I should decelerate. No, you know, let's see You want me to head into a building? No a dock. I meant to say a dock I already hit the dock you did I did but I didn't fuck it up and I didn't fuck up the jet ski I swear I was so slow. I was going to it's just stuff. It's just stuff I'm not mad. I was so afraid of damaging your stuff Because I remember one time you backed up into something. Oh, yeah Yeah, I was like, how'd you back up into that and you're like because it was there and I didn't see it

I'll tell you what I did in our old neighborhood because that was a narrow fucking street And there's always motherfuckers parked both sides and then trucks and construction And I shit man. I remember I backed up and I just wham. I thought it was your car I thought it was your car because it was identical to your car. It looked identical So I go I look over and the gardener sees me doing it and he just looks at me and I'm like, it's all right It's my husband's car and I took off It wasn't your car And it basically looks like I did it looked like I did a hit and run and I was like, dude

I really legit it was identical to the best is that you did that to a car I then met the The owner of the car, which is a lady. Yeah, and I guess it was her. I think it was her Son-in-law's car or something. I don't know. I don't know if it was actually it was a dude-ish car Right, it was a rare for woman. She was an older lady and it was a like a matte gray Yeah, how many people have that fucking paint job? I know. So anyways, I go I go. Yeah, of course, we'll take care of it so she Takes it to someplace and they send me an estimate

So many ridiculous. I was like, no We're not doing that and she was like, well, what do I do? I go. We'll go somewhere else. That's a ridiculous price and and She made it. Oh my gosh. She was so annoying Like I gave her the place and she was like I need to get it from him in writing That it'll be I'm like, no, you don't Drop off your car dummy and it'll get fixed and I'll pay for it

I know Well, he didn't tell he didn't He didn't write it out for me. I'm like, I don't care. Do you want it fixed? This is how we do it. So I thought you hate everybody. Oh, she was the worst. It's the people are so fucking dumb. Yeah, and I got it done for A fraction of what of course because let her friend's estimate. Here's the deal man La is nothing but killer body shops. Well, that's all it is. It's all fucking is homie and they're like burgers and body shots, man Like you can't you can fucking do this for nothing, bro

There's a guy that'll come to your house suck out the fucking dent with the Plugger and then get the fuck out of here. This was done. It was done. Well, but she was she was out of her mind Why she's out of her fucking mind. Oh, here's the best part. I didn't tell you the best part The best part wasn't how ridiculous it was that she this woman in her 60s was driving this car. It's that she drove it Uh from a house around the corner. Why instead of walking She was like i'm walking over here, but she just she drove around the corner and parked there I was like, why would you do that? I was like, what? She goes. Yeah, I just drove from over there. I'm like Cool idiot. So you what instead of walking?

Like 35 yards Well, then I think what you're trying to say is she deserved it that day Yeah, I'm glad I did that teaching our lesson. I'm glad she had a little bit of panic in her day Yeah, me too. Just fuck it up a little bit. I like that she thought I like that everyone thought it was a hit and run Yeah, I felt so bad too. And is it bad or badly? I felt so bad I think you felt bad I felt bad And um because she caught she's like, um, are you the lady that hit my car and drove away? I was like, no

I'm so sorry. I didn't do that. I'm so I'm I'm kind of bummed that the gardener was a snitch So am I Yeah You know, I mean like keep your fucking mouth shut dude. Yeah this one. Yeah, I know I saw someone do it shut up Snitches get stitches, bitch. Let her fucking wonder for a minute, you know I know have you ever snitched? I don't think I I've never I don't I yeah The minute I see a crime I turn my head. I go the other way. Yeah, I don't give a shit Especially if it's like a damaged a property to a person in my business. Yeah

I don't want to be involved. I don't want to talk to anybody Not interested bro. That's your problem. It's a yp not an mp. This is funny. I always like this Right of him robbing a train on a class trip to russia Will it be as good as instant family? I'm not gonna lie to you. I don't know who Bert The sound is I mean, obviously you must have some success because if he's in a movie with marcamel But still this sounds like a small little straight to tbs movie. I mean, that's just that's what it sounds like Who robs a train on a trip? Are you familiar with this Bert? No, I'm no no another mine

Poor Bert Well, it's it's not a it's not a small straight to tbs not it's a major motion picture He uh budget. Yeah, it's a huge and who are you john campia I don't know why people can't say it. There was the one. Um The guy gave him a shout out because I want to give a shout to bert schreifer And he tagged him correctly in the thing Well, we didn't even talk about the fact that bert stayed with us for a couple days I think we talked about it on two bears. What did we talk about on two bears? Um, just that

Oh, you saw we talked about two bears for like night night one. Yeah night two This guy, I mean it's a wild that he's alive And I don't we're not exaggerating We're not exaggerating here. I would be beginning to recover today same I took him with a neighbor to the austin fc to the soccer game, which was amazing Well, I should I should back that up he arrives having had drinks At the house in the morning what time in the morning. Okay. I go. Do you want less on the drink? He was like I was like, all right, I got beers. We had a couple beers

I took a nap That I woke him up From the nap because I was like, we got to go over to my neighbor's house to go to this game and he wasn't answering I opened the door And and then he sat up and he goes And he looked he looked at me like he was terrified and he was like, I thought I was dead Like he because he was in a deep deep which because he needs sleep obviously Like you have to sleep sometimes

So he was in a deep like I go when did you fall asleep? He's like when you walked out That was like almost three hours before so he slept that entire time. He was like like totally out of it Jesus then we go over to the neighbor's house have a couple drinks there What's he drinking at the neighbors at the neighbors? I think he's having I think it was beer beer wine one of the two I forget Then at the game he drinks a few beers Then we go to Come back

Hang out We uh, we smoke a cigar together and I opened a bottle of wine. So I poured us each a glass of wine We smoke our cigar we talk I feel sick just hearing this like the beer all day This is the best part I give them So we I think we finish our our glass and then I go I'm going to bed Then I go here you want the rest of this bottle? He was like can I get another one? So I was like another he goes

bottle Oh my god, so I gave him that I gave him the bottle He goes to bed The next morning I'm exhausted because it's also after a week of touring Yeah, we went to the game. This is like I think this is me starting to get sick or something. I forget Yeah, so I was like, all right, man We got to come in and do podcast so we podcast here for a few hours. Oh my god, right. So you're doing two

Yeah, you're doing hours. This is four hours of talking. Don't forget just to like give you that I come home and You were in our bedroom I laid down and you said like within two minutes like you're snoring and you never day nap. Yeah, I just passed out And I slept for like an hour He went From here. I took him. I dropped him off at Rogan's

He then did a five hour podcast With joe and drank the whole time drank the whole he said we got completely shit-faced And then And then I by the way, I got in bed. I didn't go to sleep But I got I was laying in bed that night at nine o'clock I Get a FaceTime call. Yeah, it's Burton Joe and they're like hey and they're shit-faced, right? And they're like meet us meet us at like Vulcan. I was like, no

And they were like meet us and I was like and they said it so many times. I go, I'll see you there. All right, I'll see you there And they were shit-faced placating the toddler yet. Totally shit-faced Oh my god, he then went to Vulcan for I think Tony's show My gosh, I think I fell asleep. But I don't know 10 10 30 or something that night um Then he had an early fight the next morning. I never saw Bert again So I had no idea when he got home The next day

He calls me true because we have a thing in our house if you hear the door opens. There's a little chime. Yeah So he calls me and I'm like I'm like, what's up? He goes Oh, uh Try to talk to you this morning, but you didn't wake up. I go what he goes. Yeah, I came in your room and I was like What? Yeah What are you talking about? He goes, I couldn't find my wallet

So I was like tom tom. I was like you're just standing in my bedroom. He was like, yeah You mean in my bedroom too. Yeah. Yeah with my kooch hanging out. I wasn't wearing any Bottoms that I could have my kooch out Yeah, I'm sure your kooch was out and then oh my god He's like, yeah, so I then this is that this is such a Bert thing He goes I couldn't put my wallet. So I was like fuck it I'll just leave without my wallet And how would you get on the plane? Right? So the car picked him up

He started to go. He's like no turn around. I gotta get my wallet So then they came back to the house And I was like, how'd you find your wallet? He goes it was in your car So he had he went through my car Found his wallet And then then he went home. No, no The best part is there's a drive to the airport and what happens on that ride. Oh, yeah drinking for sure in the morning Oh, yeah, he had drinks on the yeah, and he had drinks in the air. No, he took our he took beers

In the car and drank our beers Which those beers that he got he had to go downstairs In our basement basically to pull them out of that cooler because no one drinks them And he that's where he took them from. Yeah It's amazing. I mean, I'm exhausted just hearing the story. Yeah How is he not sick and and exhausted? That's what I'm telling you. I would I got sick from not sleeping a lot the week of the ymh live Just like doing shows too much going on

He's I don't know how he stays alive make your male gene. It is It's so fascinating. That's one way of saying it. Um, all right, whatever I've decided uh to take a break from social media when I'm bored and instead learn a new language I mean wouldn't that be so much better for me? Yeah as a human especially because my husband speaks spanish We speak spanish around the house will not me which is why I'm into babble dude. I love babble It's helped me seriously improve my spanish skills and now they're offering live classes With teachers, which is just amazing Babble live is a subscription based live online class with top certified language teachers

Classes are limited to six students to create a comfortable and judgment-free learning environment There are hundreds of classes offered each week select the ones that work best for your schedule I mean, isn't that amazing? You'll be able to interact with other students at your level and get instant Feedback. This is amazing and I really wish I would have had this sooner in life now You can learn a language on your own time So here's what you're going to do try it out start your new language learning journey today with babble right now Get up to 65 off unlimited babble live classes when you go to babble.com slash mom That's b a bbl.com slash mom for up to 65 off your unlimited babble live plan

Look at my fucking head Think I wanted to look like this 66 percent of men start to lose their hair by age 35 And once you've noticed sitting here, it can be too late And this is your only option and I've got a good shaped head You probably do not have a head that's shaped like mine. You probably look stupid Once it's gone it's gone So you got to act as soon as you notice you got it

You got to go to forehims.com the one stop shop for hair loss skin care and sexual wellness for men It's time to write a new chapter one in which you have hair. These are not snake oil pills Or gas station counter supplements. These are prescription solutions backed by science. No awkward in-person visit. You just do it online You're going to be all set Today hymns is giving you their best offer yet If you're not happy with your results after 90 days hymns will give you a full refund Right now our listeners can get their first visit absolutely free go to forehims.com slash mom That's forehims.com slash mom prescription products require an online consultation with a health care provider who will determine

If a prescription is appropriate restrictions apply see websites for full details and important safety information. Remember that's forehims.com slash mom It's amazing All right, we're gonna do about half of these okay, there's a lot there's a lot because I've got a lot going on And I look my curations have been so good. Okay. Go ahead. Go ahead. Here we go. Yeah Hi, this is joe. It's august 19th. How are you guys doing today? Good. Thanks. Joe looking for people for dating and relationship So leave a comment or like. Thank you. Have a good week. Bye I Do like his personality. Thank you for it. Thanks sweet. Okay, but

The angle is not very flattering is no, it's not Okay, moving on. He could use some more teeth. Maybe one or two in the front What? Okay, he's ready to find out if i'm a good kisser or not. Oh man free of charge Free of charge Babe, you see that movie kissing booth on Netflix. This is the guy. This is the guy that looks like me Dead ringer dead ringer. We have the same. I'll do my glasses. Where are my glasses? And I do this too. I do a kissing stuff

Where's his peanut butter, you know That's the guy I think he doesn't have as many teeth as you though because it's kind of gummy like that like that That's what he did. Yeah, you guys you two are just the same But he's giving away free kisses, babe. It's just like kissing booth. Oh and Netflix movie. Would you kiss him? What's at stake my children's lives No, just like for fun. No. Well, how would you know how will he find out if he's a good kisser? You fucking bitch

You're such a fucking bitch. He's gotta find out. He's trying to find out if he's a good kisser. You're not gonna help him Why don't you help him? I have a feeling he'd take it from anybody at this point He'll kiss you. He wants to kiss a lady. He wants to kiss you too. You know, he wants to kiss a fucking lady What could he do better with his beard trimming? I like women What could he do with his beard? Yeah, it's a mess. That's yeah, yeah The line is okay, right? Okay Oh I love these

Uh, I'm scared my asshole. Oh my god, dude Isn't that amazing? Uh This is so not fucking around with this. It's so fucking crazy. So this is like some rich shake, obviously And he's like look at my musty tiger. It looks like it's a liger. Dude. I don't know what it just don't fucking I think it's a liger. Do you know what those are a lion tiger? Yeah, I learned that from the polian dynamite It's real because it's enormous They're huge. They get so so big I'm serious and it has like a different color to it like a little blonder look

Fuck crazy looking at lagers now These things are so goddamn big Oh my god, dude, they're like bears Damn Dude, why do people fuck with these animals, bro? Stop fucking with I just I imagine if they're making this and it just rips his I wish that's all we want That's all I want Oh, look at this look at the size of that fucking that's like how the poop pile was it was like that

It was We would sit up like that and there was like a makeshift chair and then everybody could just shit in the yard That might be where they that might be what she's gonna do next I don't believe you anymore, tom Oh, he's stealing clothes. That's awesome. Oh, is that what it is? Yeah, right? Oh I just thought he wanted to see how many panties he could put on That's a good way to steal Damn just put on like everything

Everything you find I guess Yeah, that one I was intriguing. I'm like, what's going on? That's hilarious. Yeah, it looks like there's a person down there Tiny person. Yeah Little tiny little morning tiktok. Chris larson monday. Hope everyone had a great weekend. We're ready for a great week today Well a little tired this morning, but hey, you got to get it. You got to get up Stay motivated and stay driven. There you go Stay positive. Be blessed. Make an exciting day. Whatever you do today You're going to school if you're working if you're off

Just make it exciting And be blessed Have a good one. Bye He literally has chris larson's delivery and energy Like he has the same essence. Yeah Well, that's why it's working so well for chris larson this paradigm And I've been following this gentleman on his fitness journey. He's been very consistent He gets at it every day and he posts himself jogging and you see he's got his equipment in the in the

Garage here. Yeah, he he's been using it. He's been working every day. He's been doing a really good job So I like that. He's motivating people. It's good Okay guys, I need your help I'm only gonna find a girlfriend So everybody's 18 and older. Can you please send my link to your ex-girlfriend? Okay That's an that's I've never heard that approach neither of I what a neat thing I need a girlfriend send a link of me to your ex-girlfriend because she obviously likes guys

All the guys so she'll like me Wait a minute. Since you two are doppelgangers. I mean you guys are practically twinsies Yeah, do you think you could send his link to your ex-girlfriend? You know what? This is actually a really good idea. Yeah, I send his link and I go you liked me You'll like this guy. Yeah Exactly he also has an indoors place where he lives like I do Do you like going inside Yeah, he's got indoors

I also would I think I would trim up the hair in the back a little bit. I'm starting to see some of it A little bit. Yeah, he's got file boxes. He's got stuff Desperate times calls for desperate measures desperate times call call for right I mean, I wouldn't but it's not good marketing to you don't want to say. I'm super desperate. Yeah I wouldn't I'd leave that out, but I can send this link to someone Which one of your hussies well, you know, which one of your hose There's a few some ratchet bitches What like, you know the ones you talk about on the show where you're like, did she give me a hand job in the parking lot?

I've never said that the fucking del taco I've never we went to acting class together and then she fingered me and the back of the class was cool See she would not like him No No, I don't think so. No, he's got blue eyes. It's like you Hi, this is joe. It's friday august 13th. What are you looking for pupil for dating and relationship? So like and comment have a good weekend. Thank you. He's just letting you know. He's still in the game in case you've forgotten This one is really I don't like it

God damn it. Are there more of these lots of wags. It's deep wag season. We're at end of summer people are getting bummed out Yeah, I'm getting go inside. I'm getting bummed out looking at your selects leaves. You're falling It's okay that you're dumb and ugly, you know, you didn't choose to be that way And look at how far you've gotten being that way, you know, I'm proud of you. Like you should be proud of yourself, too So this guy makes incredible tiktoks. Actually, he's like, it's not your fault that you're ugly. You've come a long way Like he's such the most fucked up things that they're really funny. That's funny He's like, it's not your fault. You're ugly. Your mother was ugly. Your father was ugly. They chose to have children Look how far you've come. Look how far you've come. It's a funny bit. Yeah, he's great

tiktok And my toes they look purple to me Yeah, that's edema Okay, now you got a feet video you feet breakers Look at she's got our right written on the right foot. Was she like in surgery recently? Because that's what they did to me when they did my surgery. They mark it with marker first I'm gonna pass out From being too hard

So hard right now all that blood's in your peener God Which foot are you gonna kiss first the right or the left? Which one do you like better? I don't like it at all. Why so when I was pregnant like about to give birth pregnant This is exactly what my baked potatoes look like now. They it's not exactly what they look like If you look on my wiki feet page, it's not what they looked like. They're we're moving on I'm super pregnant. So don't judge my wiki feet pay that Okay tiktok impression time. This is a five second impression of a snapping turtle coming out of a chill

I Missed on my hair Nope I mean That's a fucking amazing Tom cruise impersonator. Is that not the most amazing? He has every look doesn't really look like him though I

Mean that's do you think he looks like him? Yeah, babe His teeth are even the same and his mannerism. It's a real good job. Tom cruise Babe, who do you think that looks like? So good. I don't know like a regular guy. Oh my god. You're so r-worded right now Why did it look like tom cruise you touch your camera through the fence? This is not Yeah No, it does kind of look like him. It does kind of look like him kind of

I mean, I could see the resemblance, babe. This guy's really good This isn't this is at his impression. Yeah, it's like he combed his hair like him and he did all the douchey kind of like Like that. Yeah, it's very very good. He also did an amazing deep fake of tom cruise his face onto his own Like he used footage of tom cruise. Oh, he did. I thought he just looked like him Babe, this is another boneless chicken wing moment for me. I didn't you think that this is a guy who just looks like tom cruise that much That much I didn't think it was it looks really good. It's called deep tom cruise That's the handle

I Boneless chicken wings Surf and surf smart and final and deep fake tom cruise. I had no idea you're like, this is a really solid impression I mean you'd have to have like life altering plastic surgery to do this I was so blown away because I'm like even his teeth look just like Okay, because here but hear me out. Here's why I'm this r-worded listen Because when people do their deep fakes of us on the into instagrams They're not this perfect. You can see this guy's dedicated to one deep fake

That's it. I did not know this. He just works on the voice You thought this is an impressionist You're like, wow, he's really into it. I'm like, he's like really good like his Everything his teeth and the mole and the I mean babe, it's tom cruise. I know I'm seeing that now It doesn't like kind of look like him I'm seeing that come together. It's amazing. It's still pretty good, right? I mean, it's an excellent impression. It is Oh gosh, I like it. I like it too. I think it's probably weird for tom cruise

Uh Just for the record, I didn't turn water in the beer. I turned water and beer and the beer Oh, it was just water and beer. I didn't do anything magical Oh You want to wrap it up on that how gross is that last swig of beer? It's so warm and nasty Are you done with my talks? That's it one more I got I got some big tip to to push at the end of this episode though. I know okay Well, good morning, Katie. I hear you're turning 20 today

You have a beautiful day My big breasted beautiful mommy milkers I love you. The king loves my queen above 18 You have a beautiful day and I will talk to you soon. If you need anything you let me know I love you my queen. You know, he have a good day. He can ever just enjoy your day. You can't keep it short Never get them feet on the ground and take off running Have a good day. We got that. Bye, baby. Bye I think uh

He's also he's still gaining a little bit. I think Well, I think you're right because these pov ones are getting meatier. Yeah, they're kind of meaty. He's getting meatier. Yeah I'm not complaining. No, I'm just saying. It's great. Looks good. Yeah All right, you want to set up this? Um, I would love to set this up. So this is chips in a bowl. This is fireworks This is cats eating kibble huge massive. This is a ymh exclusive ymh exclusive Okay, I'm debuting it here A lifelong dream has come true. I haven't seen this. You haven't even seen this yet. Oh, I love this

A lifelong dream of mine had to become a rapper has come true Cray Sean my favorite rapper in the whole world besides obviously danie brown. Yes Um, and the beauty boys have come together. We've come together on this project. This is called the mom song It was directed by mike peche Oh, shit. You're gonna put your glove on for this. I think it's kind of warrants it. Yeah Wow This is a ymh exclusive moment. Yeah, it's pretty exciting We worked very hard on this video you did you put a lot of time

I saw you put time in the studio time talking and working on the video concept You and mike cray Sean everybody and you flew out to la to shoot this we spent a day shooting this This is a year and a half or so in the making and with that I give you the mom song Here it is a debut on ymh Hey Man I got hella kids and they all up in my business. I can't do shit Men it's kids. They really reckless kids always watching pop patrol on my tv

I just want to watch got some girl. Can you leave me alone? I want to stare at my phone and watch tiktok But I gotta watch shitty draws in your 30s socks. I miss sleeping in fucking anywhere I want now I'm breastfeeding in the bathroom at a restaurant Calling me to come out past 6 p.m. No, it's dinnertime cooking macaroni again Used to belong to the streets now there's piss in my sheets all my friends asking me to do ketamine I got kids man. I can't do that. No, I can't do that. No, I can't do that I got a baby. I can't do that. No, I can't do that. No, I can't do that

Bad enough freaking out bars for the field trips. I can't do that. No, I can't do that Can't even think of a fucking way to finish this one because my brain's fried I Hit and target twice a week that's starbucks. Just a tweet target cabernet lexapro just asleep So excited buying powder from my husband's feet got to record a podcast for next week Lipstick on the walls turds in the tub piss in my hydro flask just want to hit the club Used to drive on Puerto Rican's now I'm home on the weekend. Wanted to schedule it I got kids man. I can't do that. No, I can't do that. No, I can't do that

I got a baby. I can't do that. No, I can't do that. No, I can't do that Bad enough freaking out bars for the field trips. I can't do that. No, I can't do that Can't even think of a fucking way to finish this song because my brain's fried Mom tits together on this joint as they say Let's go. Oh, I gotta go to bed. It's almost eight o'clock. I got a milk those nuts Who stays up this late in the poison from my husband? Otherwise my life is a misery Did you like it? Bravo. Did you like your shout outs? Super good. So many way I made shout outs in there But mostly for you. There's a lot of impressed a lot of homage to video fantastic, too

He did a really good job. Mike. Mike Petschy, dude. Mike Petschy killed it Creson. And what is she's such a profession, man She is yeah, she wraps you did great. I'm impressed. You really did great You're a professional rapper. Look, I'm just having fun just making dreams come true as you should Pursue all the things you want to do. Yeah, well, it'll be on the YMH studios feed on youtube. You guys can watch this Watch it there and um, you know, I mean And uncle Terry made it to the cut you saw here for a minute there. Yeah, that was kind of neat pretty rad That was a fun experience. He's a pretty cool guy pretty cool guy turns out turns out. He's a pretty cool guy. Yeah Very proud of you. That was really good. Thanks. You know super fun. Yeah

Good times. You're a good rapper. Thanks. I'm working on the flow working on my rhymes But I've got a lot of good mentors, you know, like the machines within guy. I've been watching him for a few years I'd like to make a video with him Is that the next project? I think I spoke before I thought about it Okay Less we needed some safety protocols I can't believe I learned what a deep fake was for real today And the bones chicken wings aren't

Just took the bones out of the chicken wing Okay, um, let's run. Okay. I love you. Love you too. Thanks guys. We'll see you next week I Hey, baby, let me eat you one time Gonna blow your mind like one of the girl's punch lines passing the rock He got a dunk in his crunch time eat a chicken sandwich chicken sandwich for lunch time Big up to the cool mom Christina Pete the real og fgt rtd Blanchola straight out of hungary stepping in the room like

All the ladies loving Tom. He like, okay cupid not a chance. He knows Waterchamp make the panties damn till they spill turn your face into some coffee Here's a splash of milk blokes poured on the court. So girl is schooling you if not meet you in the parking lot Good morning, Julia cracked up the side of your head lick a bottle. That's what happens when you're trying to go full throttle Keep a high and tight while your mates hella dope blast off Pilling neutron want to know what i'm about take a step in my jeans, baby Try it out try it out, man. If you're in my building try it out. You want to fuck a piss on me try it out Seriously, probably only us fuck man. I'm looking for hardcore guys. I mean it want to do it and I want to deliver it

I'm a hot You