Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 630 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: November 17, 2021

YMH Live 7 is TOMORROW! Don't miss it! Get your tickets here: https://livestream.ymhstudios.com/ SPONSORS: - Pack your bags for the trip of a lifetime in The Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip, streaming only on Peacock. Go to https://PeacockTV.com to sign up. - Go to https://ShipStation.com, click on the microphone at the top, and enter in YMH, to get a 60-day free trial, just in time for the holidays! - Go to https://saatva.com/theshit for $200 off your order - Get 25% off, up to $10 value, and zero delivery fees on your first order of $15 or more when you download the DoorDash app and enter code YMH. - Go to https://brooklinen.com and use promo code house to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100 - Go to https://WHOOP.com and use code “MOM” at checkout to save yourself 15% off today. - Go to https://JoinFightCamp.com/HOUSE to get an additional pair of gloves for free all November - Go to https://Talkspace.com and get $100 off your first month with the promo code YMH. - Take advantage of SimpliSafe’s early Black Friday deals and get 50% off your new home security system by visiting https://SIMPLISAFE.com/yourmom. This week, Christina P and #GloveComic Tom Segura start off with a jam from the past "Greezy" by Ghost Kru and get remember how cool Chuck Woolery was/is! We see an MMA fighter give a post fight interview loaded with YMH references, the mommies share what they did for their anniversary, and Tom reveals he really wants to get into some specific drugs. We test if Christina still has an aversion to vomit, we discuss all the variables that make a good road trip, and how only family knows how to make you crazy. Tom shares stories about Charo and Top Dog, Christina shares some stories about her cool dad, and we find someone at a city council who is as concerned about #BonelessChickenWings as Christina! We then hear an INCREDIBLE Fart Simpson prank call with a Charo sound board! We watch Chris Larson's November post and learn a cool car tip and get reminded that Thanksgiving is coming up! Tom and Christina watched the new M. Night Shyamalan movie "Aged" and are pretty surprised he gave himself such a big role. We talk about actors that don't age at all like Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise and Paul Rudd. We take a look at Leonardo DiCaprio's cool dating habits, how legitimately cool Jack Nicholson is, Steve Harvey's memo to his staff, and Christina's latest batch of TikToks!

It's here YMH live 7 if you haven't got your tickets yet get them now live stream that YMH studios calm We have special guest Joe Rogan Unkshine who I spent time with some wild surprises and some heavy stuff. That's perfect for Thanksgiving I propose we as a city remove the name boneless wings from our menus and from our hearts Yeah, cuz you were I mean this was a big revelation This was three weeks of my brain that was like wait a minute boneless chicken wing I'm very literal. Yeah, the language of it implies at one time. There were bones in this meat and now there aren't He's right

It's true I'm just worry I don't like taking pills, but I have found something that works Australian dream This is crazy This is crazy, but they know I don't like taking I'm sure I don't like taking my pills But I have found something that works Australian dream

Yeah, that's fucking dude that song we used to listen to that in the car. Yeah, I like that part. We go they greasy But they know that's a ghost crew to make those they made a bunch back in the day I think they were Portland based. Yeah, they made like five just Bangers for us back then their old songs now, but I'm shocked so for those of you who don't who weren't with us at that era Chuck Woolery did an ad for Australian dream, which was a skin cream Yeah, and he goes it doesn't burn it in greasy. Yeah, and you're like wait and we were just fixated on that Right. Why is he saying greasy? Right? And then eventually like this is when

We would put Twitter on the case on everything. We'd be like hey guys tweet Chuck And so on the case. Yeah, finally he got asked so much one day. He was like, I think it's just my Kentucky twang Like yeah, like he thought it was playful. We're like, no you're saying it all stupid Yeah, stupid and wrong. Yeah, and he's a professional bra. I'm sorry a professional broadcaster professional Yeah, he takes furter. He's fur photographed a lot photographer Photographer and and you know what Chuck you get the glove. Oh Don't hit him with the glove job

Isn't it funny that he and Pat say Jack who like we grew up with are like big insane They're MAGA turds. Yeah Hardcore, yeah, like I wouldn't shut these borders Yeah, it's funny because you wouldn't assume that like a guy that just hosts a dating show Yeah, that guy. Yeah, it's like a hardcore hardcore, right right winger. Oh like far far far. Yeah Yeah tea party kind of guy. Yikes pretty neat and it's funny because you're like wow what why why you so angry like what I think Your life was good. What are you doing? It's because your life was good You're older now and things change like things will change and have changed in our lives and we'll continue to change

Yeah, and I like those changes. Yeah, I don't like changes changes. They're not cool Especially changes to what people look like in my neighborhood, right? I mean Right It's so it's so true It's like after a war and all of a sudden all these new restaurants are coming up them Vietnamese restaurants I ain't into that. That's by the way, that's one thing. My father has never changed I kind of can't blame anybody who gets back from a war and doesn't like who they thought But like it's still a fun thing to be like

Hey, what do you feel like eating for lunch? He's like, I don't know. I'm like you want to Vietnamese He's like are you fucking around right now? You think I want to eat their food? Is it because it's the food of the enemy or he tried it he had enough of it when he was overseas don't like anything from that place Yeah But and also he doesn't like red sauces. He's not a fan of Italian Yeah, but he's not like those goddamn greasy Italian fucks, but he does say a version of that about the Vietnamese

VC. Yeah, does he still refer to them as the Viet Cong or the VC sometimes he uses an acronym Yeah, gentlemen of Maybe we could stop Okay, yeah, well, he's old and yeah, and he probably likes Chuck Woolery. I don't fucking know my mother Loved Chuck Woolery. It was a handsome man. He was handsome. It was a show about dating and love It was the only time she was love connection. I loved I watched love connection. I watched it with my mother Everyone did I think that's who watched that was sad Middle-aged housewife. I mean, I'm getting right there. He's on the couch

And this guy is like put up the border walls. Yeah Oh He didn't he didn't fight the VC. No, he did great life Hosting these goofy game shows and what a game don't act like this is work No, it's a great gig you cuz you do you do none of the actual work. No show up You read the card. Hey, yeah Tammy's it says she likes snowboarding and and coffee on Sundays. That's it. Here's John. He likes the Carpentry is a big fan of the Chicago Bulls. Yeah, he doesn't even write what he's really know the writers do it's in the prom

And then he's like, how was your date? Yeah, and all he has to do is keep it kind of light and yeah Well, well, she says you're not a good kisser Steve. Is that true? He's like well, she kind of smelled like dog shit Pussy stank Don't you wish you could see that version of love connection where they could just be really honest for sure Yeah, I got down there and boy was it disgusting. What a regret I have I Shouldn't I had seafood twice that day? Yeah So speaking of war food, I mean by the way his

Experience did not rub off on his children. We all like Vietnamese love it. We're constantly getting pho. Yeah, that's how they say it Yeah, in the house We love Asian foods we get Korean barbecue. We just did yesterday I made sure to sample a few Vietnamese women in my time so I Can't believe you're telling me this now on the show Well, I wanted to see what he was so upset about and I was like feels good to me. I don't know what the issues with you

You are so gross. Yeah, you know, it's so gross is that dad joke, which one you know what the joke is Which one Asian ladies what their meows are like? I Never heard this one. They're meows are like mm-hmm. This sounds like it's gonna. It's horrible. Do you want to not tell it? Oh, yeah, I thought you'd have known it. No, I don't I really don't know so it sounds like it's supposed to be I Well, you know, you want to start the show Do you remember when my dad calls? Yeah. Yeah, I already know. Yep. I know what you're gonna say Your dad wasn't in the war either so that's kind of interesting

And he dated several Asian women Yeah over the years and then I dated a Chinese guy and he did a Chinese guy for five years I almost married could have been yeah a different podcast. You know what I mean? Yeah, it would have been one with no fucking listeners How dare you but he used to be open do you think you and him would have had a real draw. No Yeah, this is right. This is the fucking star right? Hey, I got you. Well that glove is really gone to your head this week. Yeah, what kind of powerful glove is that? It's fucking All-inclusive

Doesn't sound like it today. Do you want to see the opening clip? Sure. Okay, here we go Coach always has us, you know follow proto keep it up high and tight So, you know the car you're showing through I couldn't out there and get it right away be stingy like my buddy mark So You I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I Mean that was a thorough IMA shout-out he got keep feathering it Don't be stingy like mark. Yeah Following proto. Good job son. Come on mark. Don't be stingy. Yeah Pretty awesome. That was so fucking rad. Yeah, that was amazing And the fact that he could stay composed enough in a victory

Yeah, to give all these why I made shout-outs shows the level of mommy-hooded. His genes are the highest and tightest Yeah, congratulations, man. I'm winning and doing the right thing and plugging this show With subtle references that are not so subtle Yeah, this is me I Keep thinking about Leo You but now you are fixated on it. I love that this happens. Yeah over the history of doing this podcast is that One of us it's usually me. I feel like that gets obsessed with early early and you're like Jesus

You won't stop. Yeah, and then it finally fades away and then it'll be one that bothered you Yes, that you were not into you like ah, and now you're like, oh, I think about Leo all the time. Yeah Yeah, see some of these guys take time to simmer with me and like an onion. They unfold the layers Why am I repulsed by them and then I got that beautiful mouth, right? So I actually go through self-exploration Why does Leo repulse me? What is it about him? What's going on? What is the dynamic between he and mark? I go through And I have no problem swallowing. I envy his Freeness. Yeah, his openness. Yeah, I'm repulsed by it at the same time. Yeah Massage your little hole massage and then his mispronunciations. I

Just the whole thing is so fascinating that he's so out there with it. Yeah, it's an amazing Peak yeah into somebody's Well, and also so another time so we were at breakfast yesterday and you mentioned the disparity in looks between Mark and Leo. Yeah, Leo is an older gent Mm-hmm, and you can barely see his peanut because it's so covered in balls and fat and then mark is Younger and hotter and what's the attraction? Mark's very Attracted for sure. Yeah, you can just tell he's genuinely a daddy dynamic. It's a weird daddy thing. Yeah. Yeah

Yeah, and it was cool that we talked about it at breakfast. Yeah Who else was at breakfast? Not our kids. Was there kids there? I think they were already at school. Oh Yesterday, you're right. You're right. Yeah. Yeah. No, we don't talk about that's what I was like Banging during no But we did celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary. That's where it spits. Yeah 17 years total together Yeah, feels like a hundred and thirty does feel longer than that doesn't it? Yeah, I think I feel like we should get more but don't you feel as a couple it's unfair I don't get credit for those four years. Oh, yeah, because they weren't under God's law, you know

Yeah, it's kind of nonsense, right? It's stupid. Look, we've been together for 17. I want to celebrate 17. Oh, yeah You want the credit? I want the credit. Yeah, just because we didn't do it in a church before, you know, it's not cool We don't get the credit so anyway, we had a great sushi dinner and then You got a little faded last night. I got I got kind of fucked up. Yeah Yeah, what happened? You don't really I kept saying yes. They're one to sake He's like you want some more? I was like, yeah, he's like, this is a different one. I go fucking. Let's try it. Let's do it And then it was I mean, they were all like, you know

Considerable pours. Yeah, and then by that. I mean, I was lit for the second half of dinner Yeah, and then when I was done and I was like, oh, I'm definitely Drunk or heavily buzzed. He's like, do you want to try this whiskey? And I was like, mm-hmm And I tried it. I was like this morning was rough Yeah, I worked out just to try to knock some of the rust off, you know, and didn't yeah, it does help. Yeah Yeah, that's brutal I knew I I didn't want to and I was like if I don't I'm gonna feel worse the whole day way worser Yeah, you got to knock it out. Well, I've been sick for the last two weeks now

Yeah, I've been taking pseudofed and the good kind behind the counter You know when you have to ask for it. Yeah, and that's what they make math out of Did because usually I really want to get into drugs more. Mm-hmm. I Want to get into psychedelics more sure done them and What are you thinking Well, I definitely want to do ayahuasca. I definitely want to do that You know what that's really I would like to do that as well, but the vomiting and Shitting stuff is really not enticing doesn't bother me. You puke and shit a lot, bro

It's no joke. It doesn't bother me. You okay, you got to watch some videos of people doing it It's and then you have to have a shaman walk you through it. Yeah It's ayahuasca, this is not He's still fucking puking now. He's done now. He's not I don't lie to me. He's done. It's over. That's not ayahuasca You don't jog It's not ayahuasca. No, he was training. It was like they were pushing him too hard and he puked it happens Yeah, it's life. It's life. Okay. Sometimes you run too far. Can we talk about this ayahuasca? Yeah, I want to do I want to do it. I also want to do mushrooms. I've never done mushrooms and everybody always

tells me What a great time they've had doing them and and I want to do meth and I wanted I want to fucking You want to ride the snake? I do I want it. I want to do PCP. I want to get wet I'm gonna get crazy. Yeah, well, we talked about that last week on the show doing PCP It's a good idea by the way. It is a good idea. I talked to a couple people about it and they were like fuck Yes, you should how do you do it again? It's a powder. Yeah, I mean I would smoke it, you know I'll put it in a joint and I don't want a fucking helpline. Okay. I know why do they always do that?

We're trying to figure out Information on how to do this stuff. Yeah, not stop at you pussies and also, you know, I would do I wanted to I want to Go to a boxing class on PCP Now you're talking. Yeah, now you're fucking talking and just show people what time it is, you know That would be so rad. I fully endorse this idea. Okay. That's I'm talking about you could totally do that here. Yeah. Oh, man You'd beat the shit out of somebody. Maybe not but still no one's fucking knocking me out. I'll tell you that Wait, but let's talk about ayahuasca. I think will you go to Peru and do it there? Well, that's the thing is like

I think you should go real Go authentic. That's your roots. Here's a deal man. What do you what are you in the market for do you want to have epiphanies? Do you want to see Jesus? I want to have epiphanies on what ayahuasca. I know but I actually have a connection state side State side you said that like you were in the military. Well, I mean, I'm saying yeah, okay I have a connection that's not I don't have to leave the country for okay, and what you do it like in his apartment Well That's what that is. I know I know people in LA that do it out of their apartments. Well, specifically It's his bathtub if you have to know

No, I mean I could do it I could do it at a place that's comfortable not not his apartment. Okay. Yeah, cuz here's the deal man Yeah, my experience with psychedelics. Yeah, it's all about the environment. I agree and who you're with cuz You can that trip can go bad real quick if you're with a dud like one time I did Acid and SF and I did it with someone that didn't want to play with me I was like, whoa, let's get silly string and go in a Golden Gate Park And yeah, and I was like ba ba ba ba ba and this person was like nah people can tell we're on drugs I'm like everybody's on drugs. It's Golden Gate Park This is what you do you get high and you run in the park and you have fun and you know, they were like no

So that really killed my vibe and I got weird and then that's about the vibe sucks So you really need to be an excellent company somebody you trust and like mm-hmm. What about what about? What's that shit called cybel sub Sibylian and they and you with a shrink you do it and they put headphones on you And then they walk you through that. I don't know this. Oh, yeah Sigh cybel silo silly a billion silo Simon. Yep. That's shrooms. Oh Okay, silly Sibylin and you get silly with somebody and they walk you through it. I think you're okay Yeah, yeah, you can get like a shrink to walk you through it. Yeah All right, I'm in I'm in okay. I'm gonna be doing them and

I think it's overdue because you didn't do them in your 20s and also like I'm jones You know, yeah, I feel like a crackhead now. I really want it. You need it mark I need it you want to go on a vision quest show me where it spits man. Yeah, you know But everybody needs to go on a vision quest. I think the time is now the time is now, you know, white white It's a good time in middle-age. You're halfway dead, right? You've lived now. You're like, what's what's on the other side? What else is there? Yeah, is that all there is? Take that journey take it. I'm ready. It's helped me a lot my ketamine vision changed me It didn't yeah, and I've done a lot of LSD and that helped too

They're saying if we want to do a company team building everybody trip. Yeah Nice into it. They're all game Where do we do it in the desert? Just go to a gun range Just see who makes it out, you know, yeah Go down to Waco. Yeah, like oh wow, there's only one one person alive It's like the squid games. Yeah, it's very exciting stuff acid. I love it. Okay. We could do that It's so fun fucking love Korean fucking entertainment. I know they really know how to be dramatic

I just want to I mean that it's shit is made for me. I love it Well, it's I know I knew you would dig it because I was like it's killing its anxiety. It's like negative You love all that is Chris Larson here Chris Larson We'll be working on the studio starting tomorrow. I think he's wrapping up his move right now. Okay, and so he drove here Is this what I haven't been told with a partner

mm-hmm Who do you drive with? You know Chris has always been a family man It's he's one of the rare people here that doesn't hate his family. So no he Yeah, he drove with I believe his I think it was gonna be his mom and his dad And they were gonna do like a caravan thing and then they Condensed it down to just Chris and his mom in one car

Can you imagine homicide like his Emotional makeup is so healthy so much better than ours. Yeah, oh I would I would fucking Gabby Gabby potato her Yeah, I think minute. I'd be like what at this age now. Oh my god. I would there would be Side of the road it looked like when Fett smoker was dead

Remember and They would be like that's Charo. That's Tom's mom. I said there would be just body parts Everywhere, I know there's no way no way. I would do that with my mom but with my mom were alive to never Is there anything we're talking about? Who can you do a drive with right because the drive country a long drive like that. It's a big deal now Here's you and I have done it. We drove to Austin from LA when we were first together Yeah, what year was that before we were married? That was it. Yeah, that was oh seven We got married in a way. I featured at

Capsa Yeah, that was the first time I really did the road with you like I went on just for fun And like I don't have any memory of like a big fight or something. I mean we never did You know, no, that's the thing about a long trip like that is it brings out You know, you're you're tired. You're around the same person you You run out of things to talk about. There's you know, I mean like yeah, so Yeah, there's just like I'm trying to think who I've done long drives with and it is Friends I've done, you know long drives in college. Yeah

Yeah, I did a lot of those college back and forth home and like school if you don't like that person in the car It's bad Well, I remember doing a few drives to SF to LA over, you know, the course of those and that's a boring drive That's just the five and it's nothing but cows and manure smell And it's hot as shit because you're just in the middle of the desert, you know And I've driven with douchebags that like would get high the entire time Like smoking out of apples and stuff. Yeah, and you're just like, dude Can you fucking stop being like the driver one time was just high the entire time and listening to bad music?

That could really that killed me. Yeah, this guy was listening to fucking bullshit the whole time like bad techno And I was like, I'm gonna fucking kill myself That's bad. Yeah Yeah, I mean music because even if you're like, let's say you're like, I don't like this person in the car So what are you gonna do and put on music and then you guys don't like the same or can't tolerate that makes me crazy I'm so sensitive to bad music course. I fucking flip like I it shuts me down Emotionally course, but you and I that's how I knew we were good together because you and I did LA to SF Yep in my volks wagon. Yep. Remember my blue Jetta

Mm-hmm, and we did great and you you gave that car a great name Lackadima Lackadima. Yeah, no, why is that? Because there was a documentary an animal documentary on a leopard named Lackadima and and your Your car was so fucking slow and you drove like an old lady And when I would when I would push, you know, I remember we're going like up the It had like 95 horsepower Jetta and I would I would just gun it and it'd be like You're like careful this this girl can really purr and I was like

I was like, you want to see me go fast remember and I used to drive and parking lots and I go And you're like, are you making the sounds of your tires? We have fun though. We had good times and then we drove to Texas So so then we did the Austin Drive Mm-hmm, and we made up songs together about barbecue and It was good. Do you like barbecue like I like barbecue? I do like barbecue like you like barbecue So pinch my tits and stick your finger in my

Yeah, rip my tits off and Just inside the holes in my chest. Yeah stuff like that. And that's how I knew we were to your mommy's one gene Mm-hmm. Yeah, it was a really nice time. It was a good time You would kill your mom where in Arizona from LA. Well, I would put her head through the window And then I'd like I'd smash her head on the dashboard and then I'd push her out of a moving vehicle How long by the way, we're getting along. Yeah, it's a good phase for you guys Yeah I'm trying to think there is no fucking way you literally. I'd be like well just send me to prison now

Let's not even start. I don't want to get in the car. Just arrest me. I Know it won't last Car drips can make or break you. I mean it's something worse about your family of origin, of course. That's who you Hate the most in a way that you don't fight with anybody else, of course You know, they my mother could infuriate me within a minute. Yeah of talking with her my grandmother same Z's I mean, she just had the ability to infuriate It's like they're so invalidating. They're so they know how to push every button family does yeah Like why can't you just shut the fuck up and be chill with me?

You know, I'm saying like my mother would always be like this is nice this color, but it's too bright And you're like, what do you fuck? Why can't you just be like shut the fuck up? You know what you need a broach that would look very nice on this sweater a broach I'm like, why do you have to fucking improve me? Like just be here That's who you are, dude, and it's funny because like when people are around the people You hate in your family. Oh my god, everybody else most people can't see How yeah, they're doing it, you know, they're just like, oh, that's why your mom's such a cool. Yeah, she's funny lady Yeah, and you're like, oh, do you want to kill her for me? You know that I want to

Yeah You have a hammer in your backpack your mom has the ability to infuriate you within Five minutes of being in our home Yeah, hey, don't me Can I go to the mall today and we're like we just fucking got here But I need to go to the mall. What do you have to what do you what do you mean? It's like I have to find the right shoes. I didn't pack the day Go to see if I packed the shoes and then your dad has to go look for the shoes that she

Packed or didn't pack. Where are my glasses? You have diet coke You didn't buy diet coke like no, I'm busy. Yeah, you couldn't stop to buy a diet coke It's still not here like after every answer You couldn't find the time to go get the diet coke Your photo loves that but your dad loves you. Yeah. I'm like, do you understand that you've never been busy? Yeah No, like a veal, yeah, life is of a veal you fucking you should have picked up diet coke Yeah, you pick up the diet Yeah, I think what really annoys me the most because I I've she's not my mother. Yeah, so I can like I don't give a shit

I just walk away. I go to another room But that one time when I was super pregnant and we were at the movies. Yeah, and we I'm like wobbling I'm it's hundred degrees outside. It's the middle of July. They're visiting and We get into the car and she goes, hi, I forgot my glasses in the movie And every one of us in the car went Yeah, we all were like fucking because we were like probably two miles down the street and There's like heavy traffic by the time because it was like that and we were like, oh, she's like we have to go back and everybody's like

Oh for fuck's sake And your dad seldom is openly Consumptuous of her. Yeah, we all of us were like really dude. Do you know that I've you fuck I pulled him aside. I'm like, have you really never thought about And he's like, what's that you never considered it and he's like Yeah, how does he put up with it though, what is that? Does he just not listen? I think men have the keen ability to not hear things Thankfully, that's why you know and I have lasted for 17 years probably

You know, I'm sure he just checks out Yeah, he's just like cuz the things that infuriate their three children. My dad will just be like, yeah, what's that? So yeah, I think it's like not listening because the three kids are like Freaking out and he's like, huh? Okay, you're not Now does dear sisters get upset over the same things that upset you every kid has a thing where they're like Mom's fucking crazy Every kid. Yeah, they're three kids. Everyone's a different trigger with yeah

She has a different way with each of them, but also then there's also shared experiences. Yeah, you know, we're like Oh, she's doing that to you right now. You know, yeah, sometimes I get those calls like Mom's such a fucking bitch I never call them to say that, you know, like but I've gotten that call Yeah from them and you know immediately. Oh, yeah And it's like usually if one of them is at that state You're not at that state. So you you can like empathize you can listen. I can listen and yeah, I'm like, oh, yeah Yeah, well, you know, she was just born to be an asshole

She's born shitty Yeah, yeah, it is true. I do think some people are just born shitty. Yeah, my grandmother had this ability to Infuriate the entire family within seconds of being over. Yeah, like I would watch my dad Who wasn't normally fairly agreeable in those days. He's got firm boundaries Like no, I don't like these fuck you but for the most part like in the times that he he would allow his mother to visit Yeah, within minutes We were all of us and even me as a child were like, oh my god

This woman is a fucking asshole. Most of the time seeing my family most of the time it is almost within Hours met with deep regret. Yeah. Yeah, I'm like I Really regret. Yeah, I hate it. Yeah, and here's the deal man is that it's so simple Like knowing you know your children now like it's so simple to just hold back criticism Or don't say the thing just don't say the thing. It took me 20 years to move halfway closer across I Know yeah, but as a parent like you know, you know if you say X thing it's gonna piss the kid off

Yeah, so just don't fucking say it. I know don't don't be that guy Some people just don't have that skill set like I know what'll piss you off. Yeah, so I drive I'm very cognizant like I should say though a lot of what I'm saying about what's making me crazy about my mom is like past stuff She's good. Yeah. Yeah, I've gotten along with her Really well. Why do you think that is? part of it is my own Matureing and like growing up and learning how to deal with her. Yeah, like she's you know, she's not like a fucking We're making her sound like you know like such a demon

It's just that like she has a way about her that it can be challenging like to deal with yeah, and yeah as I got older Yeah, a little wiser. I had more life experiences. I just came up, you know, I Probably dealt with came up with a way to deal with it. I also think she's probably chilled out some over the last few years That's you know, she's gotten older. I think Some of her fire and like whatever was driving her has She can still wear you out quickly, but I'm saying she's not it's not to the point where there's a time where I felt like I couldn't really have conversations you Yeah, all right, what I would do is she would call me out on it too because it was pretty funny. She would go like

She goes, do you know what you say when I when I call you I go what she goes I ask you how what's going on you say everything is fine And I'm like, huh? She's like you don't tell me anything. I'm like, yeah, that's the tactic. That's how we get along Yeah, that's that's how it goes. That's how it goes because if I share things with you Things let him in you let him in my mother discovered that I was doing that with her when she was alive And I'd be like she's like, how are you doing like fine and my dad too figured it out Yeah, and they'd be like you're not shedding anything and I was like, yeah, well, you know, I don't want to talk about that stuff Let's talk about the weather. Let's talk about the game. Let's talk about cookies anything

But my life please cuz like if you do this with you, I can't do this I had a show Recently, I'll just say that I was like that shows suck But do you know what I tell my parents? Huh? It was great. It was amazing. Everything's great. I think it's fine because if you go It's suck. They're like what happened. Yeah, and you're like, uh, it sucked did you Did you do something to make and you're like, okay, I don't want to do this with you Right because I think to Comedians understand like when you tell me hey that show sucked. It was XYZ. I go. Oh, I get it because because we both share

You tell like most people and they're like, what do you mean? It was great. Oh my god. I told the promoter. It sucked Because I was in the in the headspace. Yeah, he was like, how'd you like it? And I was like fucking sucked and he was like I'm so sorry. Yeah It's okay. He was like Well, I I just want you to be happy. I was like I'm happy. He's like, I just I I'm sorry. I'm like, oh my god. I regret telling you that so Then they get the big a bum the club get they take it personally. It's not their fault. Yeah, I know everything, right? I'm like, bro, it's just it's just how it goes. Um, but back to your mother

So I figured out a pretty great plan When chic visits us, you know what I do? I get the Diet Coke caffeine free for your dad Yeah, I go get Ponyton even though that is a seasonal item. I find a fucking way to get that Christmas What is it like a it's a Christmas loaf that she's Italian sweet bread. It's disgusting. It's got like gummy bears in it or Cummy bears Yeah, I find her brand. I ordered on this nasty shit Yeah, I don't know I this stuff makes one of vomit, but your mother my mother I know, do you know what my mother's diet is? I know I think about it a lot. Wait, my mother weighs 110

Okay, she's 70 crazy town. Yeah 110 pounds. Yeah, sometimes she's gone goes down. She eats toast Mm-hmm with butter and jelly mm-hmm panitone, which is Italian sweet bread Starburst at bedtime. She'll have wrappers around her bedside table prune bear claws So she's like, are you going to the grocery? I'm like, yeah, she's like, can you get me a prune bear claw? That sounds like the grossest fucking thing in the world or if like they don't have that it's something it pays sweet It pays to do you bring her like an elephant ear, you know, like some sugar something just coated in sugar she's that a coffee and then You're like, hey, can we eat some real fucking food today? She's like a

Chicken and a French fries and french fries. Yeah, and then 110 110 oh and we go to nice restaurants. We'll take them them out a Michelin star restaurant Do you have a French fries and a chicken like a nice and I'm like like a toddler You mean like chicken fingers chicken fingers juice like this is a goddamn French restaurant that has amazing food here She's like won't eat it. Do they have a fries? It's a French. Yeah, like But how is she so skinny and she's not unhealthy, I don't know. We're always like, what are you gonna say? So fine, so here's what I've been doing the last which is kind of is the argument by the way for just like Just fucking do whatever you want. It's genetics. It's one of my friends from high school

grandfather Eight red meat. Mm-hmm. Drank. Mm-hmm smoke cigarettes. Mm-hmm smoke cigars whiskey beer Red meat like five days a week died at 96 I know 96. I know listen my father Drinks a ton eats sausage drinks fresca never seen him drink regular water same like your dad Oh my god, it's horseradish and ham and Colbas salamis and

Fine live live in the dream. It'll be like I'm taking a shit in two days I'm like you that's not good. He's like, yeah I'm like, have you drank any water? He's like all right. I'm gonna go like he's so Upset at the suggestion idea water. Yeah, I know we've talked about this. Yeah Dads don't drink water. I don't know. I don't know why one time I was with him recently And I was like, how about some fucking water like drink some water and you know what he did? I swear to God. He had like a bottle like this and he went like

Like that like the the top sip and I was like, hey, so how about the water? He goes I'm drink it. I drank it. I go. No. No, you started Drinking that bottle half an hour ago and I saw you take one sip. He goes. Yeah, I drank water No, that's a sippy sip. Listen, he thinks the sip meant I I'm done drinking unreal It is now something that I've accomplished unreal done checked quota So so listen so I have a plan with your mother. I don't know if you've noticed that I've been doing this for the last five or six years Well, you don't have to notice when I do stuff, but Uh, so no, this is this is true. So every time she comes around I make sure to get the panettone

I get the DCs for your dad caffeine freeze, right? We stock that so we don't have to hear those complaints And I get her drunk on white wine because she likes her pino grige with ice cubes The best way to handle her is just get her drunk get her. Yeah, and which takes like a glass That's what I'm saying. So remember when we had them all over for Christmas and I was she was lit the whole time I just kept filling that wine glass and she'll protest like oh no, I can't drink and the next thing, you know, she's ripped And I let her listen to her music like she likes Maria What's the name Yeah, yeah, so one night you guys left you went to dinner with you and your dad and you left me alone with her

And I was like, okay, I have a strategy You just get someone to talk about the shit they want to talk about and it gets you out of any conversation So I got her hammered And I was like, what do you like to listen to? Let's listen to this and we spent two hours listening to Maria Dolores. Yeah, Prado, I think's my name Yeah, and she's like, I better this song listen to the lyrics. You're like, I don't speak Spanish Yeah, but she explained it to me and then she taught me lyrics and She taught me as a poem in Spanish

Yeah, we had a good time because she was just listening to this lady sing about love. Yeah, she loves that lady Yeah, she uh, you know a couple times. I've got my mom really drunk. Yeah, like really it's fun She's a good drunk. No, but like a couple times. I got her like super emotional She can't handle alcohol and we were like drink drink drink drink And she was like crying What was she upset about? I don't know

Hahaha She was fucking shipy Yeah, she is funny. I'll tell you that she's very very funny very funny Very charismatic excellent storyteller. Yes excellent sense of humor She's great. Look again. I like her The funniest thing is that you know, we've had a combative relationship. I'm sorry. I think you mean combattative. You're losing a syllable Um Well, we've had that relationship and it's in a good place now. Yeah, and I have we have two small children

Instinctively Ellis whenever I faced my mom was like he's like, ah, I don't want to talk to you And every time I do that I put the phone back by myself. She's like She's like, I know you told him I go. I didn't tell him anything. Nobody. He just knows vibes And he'll also do the thing where like it'll be the two of them and he'll be like Hi grandpa Hi, yeah, and then I'm like shows he you know phone turns to my mom and he's like He's like, I don't want to talk to you

Yeah, push. Yeah, and she's like, why is he like this? I'm like, I don't know. He just instinctively doesn't like you Yeah, yeah Gosh, you know, it's funny my father at my grandma's funeral didn't even cry That's how much he hated her We weren't we flew back to Hungary to you know, do the funeral or anything And even I started crying in like her a whole lot, but you know, I still it's so when someone passes And um, I remember at the funeral my dad was just like, I was like, you're not gonna cry. He's like for what? I'm like, okay

You have to do like the greeting Wait, you know you greet everybody that came to the funeral and people I remember people saying things like you're Your Nana was a lovely person. I was like She was not Nobody liked her. Nobody liked her. I mean, how what are you talking about? Yeah It was like such it was so funny when someone shitty dies too because you're like, that's not true She was not beloved. Nobody liked her. She had enemies everywhere. Yeah Nobody liked her not even the dog

Get the fuck out of here, you know Sucks. Yeah. Um, well speaking of Charo Oh, take this guy off I can't really you're just playing people vomiting now to fuck with me. Is this what the new I didn't I'm sorry I didn't know how to you're not sorry. I am sorry. I didn't Well here this this you'll like no we have been casually ignoring a problem That has gotten so out of control that our children are casually throwing around names and words Without even understanding their true meaning and treating things as though they're normal

I go into nice family restaurants and I see people Throwing this name around and pretending as though everything is just fine I'm talking about boneless chicken wings Finally somebody's taken up my cause I propose that we as a city remove the excuse me. I'm trying to yeah, excuse me. Come on I propose that we as a city remove the name boneless wings from our menus and from our hearts Thank you views are our reasons why number one Nothing about boneless chicken wings actually come from the wing of a chicken

Thank you. You're disgusted if a butcher was mislabeling their cuts of meats But then we go around and pretending as though the breast of the chicken is its wing Thank you. Finally. Who is this young man? Number two boneless chicken wings are just chicken tenders, which are already boneless I don't go to order boneless tacos. I don't go and order boneless club sandwiches. I don't ask for boneless auto repair It's just what's expected And then number three we need to raise our children better Our children are raised being afraid of having bones attached to their meat. That's where meat comes from it grows on bones

We need to teach them that the wing of a chicken is from a chicken and it's delicious I couldn't love this more rename boneless wings in the city of Lincoln We can call them Buffalo style chicken tenders. Thank you. We can call them wet tenders. We can call them saucy nugs or trash We can take these steps and show the country That where we stand and that we understand that we've been living a lie for far too long And we know it because we feel it in our bones Thank you

That was the greatest thing i've ever seen. He's he's totally on your side. He gets it finally. Yeah guys I knew it. I knew that somebody would recognize my struggle Yeah, I knew it because it's logically inconsistent and boneless chicken wing by definition is a wing without bones He's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I love this guy. It's pretty good. I mean Thank you, sir. Finally for taking up the most important cause this nation is so divided Because of this issue Yeah, because you were I mean this was a big revelation This was three weeks of my brain that was like wait a minute boneless chicken wing. I'm very literal

The language of it implies At one time there were bones in this meat and now there aren't He's right It's true Speaking of charro I received I was put a Normally when fart simpson does a prank call. Yeah, the great fart simpson. He sends them to me I listen to them and then they're great. They're all you know, they're always fantastic. Yeah, and I send them over to

navad This morning I got here and he said I have a prank call for you That fart simpson sent to me and asked me To not let you play it until the show I was like what this isn't proto and it's not proto and he also said that this is Supposed to be A great one. I can't wait. So I'm gonna I haven't heard it. This is my mom charro On a prank call by fart simpson. Okay, here we go

Hey, is this marty? Yeah, who's this? Hey, this is zolo. Yeah, I was calling in regards to the guitar For sale on craigslist for my mom Which one I got I got several guitars on there. Hmm. Let me put my mom on the phone. She knows best and uh, Yeah, she can maybe tell you she's from peru. So, you know, her english is not so great This is charro. How are you doing? What's up there chomo? Chomo. What's up there chomo? Chomo. No, I don't speak that language. Yeah, I don't know what it means Yeah, it just means like friend. What's that there? Chomo? Like they are like they are season english made. Yeah

Yeah, that's exactly right. You got it. Yeah. Yeah, little language difference. Is that uh, spanish or portuguese and peru? It's spanish So what guitar do you think is best marty for an old peruvian woman? What is her ability playing? I mean that determines what you want to buy and how much you want to spend You know kind of mom. Why don't you show marty what you got kickback call your nuts and listen to this real ass new shit Shit What do you think I guess she has a basic understanding You know

That's the key. Yeah, totally Uh, I was thinking maybe you and my mom could jam like over the phone. Do you have a guitar amp with you there? Oh, yeah, I have my line 60. I'm sitting right here in the living room in front of me. Nice That's what i'm saying. Turn that shit on you guys can shred together All right, mom. Well, what come on mom. Uh, hold on a second. Okay. All right This guitar isn't too loud. I'm playing A carbon with uh, two single coils and a humbucker. Nice There you go

Yeah, you're not too I'm soon down a half step Man, I can't play this Why? Oh Mom you fucking shred. Yeah No, that sounds pretty good marty Mom, why don't you bust out the acoustic guitar? Yeah, we got the shitty acoustic guitar. She uses a loop pedal go ahead mom. Okay. Oh nice

Yeah Mom you're so good. I'm so proud of you. Yeah, really fucking good at guitar mom Yeah, that's interesting. Oh, oh it is cheating, but I guess everyone does it now. Fuck that. You don't like it Yeah, dude. Yeah All right, mom. Maybe play something that's not heavy metal Okay Yeah That's not a good

terrible I don't sound good It's not like garbage you're going to take me to a mall now. Yes. Yeah, but I have to Fuck that Please stop. Come on. Please mom. Come on. No, mom. Please stop. No. No more metal. No Mom, please stop mom. No, please stop. Jesus. No, no, no Mom please no Okay, thank you

Well, she's been playing apparently, you know, I gotta spend more time playing than uh fiddling with guitars, you know Yeah, yeah, anyways She's not feeling well. She's just ate a bunch of food. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she really loves her macaroni and cheese dish Yeah, everyone everyone likes that Shit The heck was that this is so embarrassing I was like something went through the process of that. Fuck. I have big tits, man Yes, you do mom. They're really beautiful. Oh

You're crazy. You're crazy. Marty, you want to check these puppies out? Yes, I guess Please you guys are not sure You don't like it. I didn't say I don't like I'm just saying no, you know Oh Here's me. Whoops. Sorry about that. I just threw a dish and written it a phone Uh, all right, I'll put you in the contact and whenever you guys want to check that out You're welcome. And it was interesting. Okay. All right, Marty

All right, Zolo, take it easy. Dada there retard. See ya. Charo, right? Yeah, Charo. Charo. Okay. Take it easy now. Keep playing Okay, bye. See you then Wow She's I tell you she's pretty funny and she's really good at guitar That was hilarious. I liked her a little like uh The sounds are so funny. That was such a great call. Thank you farts and oh my god. Amazing fart. That was so funny What is chichenon? Chichenon?

Chichenon, she said what kind of music do you like? She was like chichenon. I don't remember Holy shit, that was so fucking funny Man poor marty poor marty. Yeah That was amazing. She could really shred. She shreds. Yeah Do you like the tips? She was playing like flamenco and then metal acoustics. Like, oh, that's kind of shitty. She's like, fuck you I like when she's like, what's up chomo? Yeah, he's like chomo And he's like, I'm not familiar. He's like, oh, that's like friend Amazing. I wish I want her to do more prank calls now. It's so funny. That was really great. I'm gonna take a piss, man

Yeah, yeah, it's pretty funny. Okay. Fuck today's episode is brought to you by whoop the personalized digital fitness and health coach monitor Your recovery sleep training and health with personalized recommendations and coaching feedback with whoop trained smarter recover faster sleep better And now feel healthier with whoop and they're all new whoop four dot Oh the latest most advanced fitness wearable on the market the all new four dot Oh is a smaller smarter and designed with new biometric tracking including skin temperature blood oxygen and more I am in love with my whoop. You guys see it on me every day. I know what kind of sleep I need to get I know how I'm recovered. I know what I can do with workouts all because of the incredible insight and data Provided by whoop. I'm just I'm in love with this thing. I wish I I'm trying to get this four dot

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A wasp is yeah, well, how is the texas weather been for you tom? You know, what's really interesting right now about the weather here is in the mornings. It's quite cool very cold some might even say cold and then And then during the day it'll get warm. Yeah, but then at night it'll get cool again Yeah, it's like in the in the nighttime in the morning. It's winter time and then you get summer again at the end of the day It's kind of cool. Like you need something in the morning. Like you need like a sweater or something outside It is definitely, but then all of a sudden

like Two in the afternoon you're like, I gotta take the sweater off. I can't do the sweater on for a t-shirt now too hot out Yeah So that's what's going on with the weather Speaking of um exciting stuff like that chris larson. Um, who's we found out drove across country with his mother Um Unbelievable. We'll be asking him about that when he returns for a long time. Yeah, um He did his november post. I'm so excited. I have not seen it

Well, I I you know, I got this live as it dropped on the gram. Okay, and I love it. Okay. I'm exciting shit Let's uh, let's see. Here we go Hey everybody, it's a monthly post here again Just want to wish everyone a happy tuesday. Um, I hope you're having a good day and the weather's Pretty rainy here, but you know, it's not too bad um tomorrow hopefully it'll be better because I'm gonna be driving across country soon and That's why I got my car details So I got my car detail because you'll you'll say some gas money, but also your car will look nice

So if you're thinking about driving across country, you should think about that too because you know, I'll make the drive a lot nicer um shout outs to chloe from Idaho And Dustin's dog carver. Hope. Uh, hope you're both having a great day. Hope uh tomorrow's gonna be a good day for you guys too And uh, happy Thanksgiving everybody. It's coming up. Uh Hope hope your Thanksgiving's good Bye

It's good stuff really good. He hits so many good He makes a great point. Hope you have a good Thanksgiving too. Yeah By the way, if it's Thanksgiving weekend, you can still watch ymh live seven perfect time We're extending we extended the Period that you can watch it with uh through the weekend. So it's it's a really cool thing to watch with your family You know, it's a good thing to watch to get away from your family for sure for sure. Yeah Um, wow, he's just hitting home runs. He really is He really is he looks exactly the same in every post

It's amazing What does he do that? It's uh, if you if you're not following the most exciting Uh account on instagram. It's c e e underscore lars l a r s and that's our very own chris larson So, uh, he's following no one I My favorite social media user is the reluctant one like this or they're like, I'm not following anybody Do you ever see the person who like I don't know they comment or send you something and you go to their page and their last post is like Three years ago. Yes

You don't post like nothing. Nothing. Why are you even on here? Well, that and the private accounts are always odd to me too. I refuse. Why go private? I don't want to acknowledge your account. No, I don't either Especially because they'll say something crummy to you and then you know go back and then they're private. They're private. They're private Yeah, it's like you're just being shitty Uh, we um, you're a shit bird. We watched old from m night shamalama ding dong. Yeah Shamali on them. Yeah, who um You know, I really respect it like that lane is my favorite lane the thriller the thriller lane is my favorite lane of film

Yeah, it is hard To get it right like to make sure is like, you know, most these guys like the high level people like him One or two for the whole career. That's a banger. Yeah Because the whole thing is like you got to build The mystery and then it's how you the solving the reveal. Yeah, and if it's like Implausible you're like, mm. If it's too, uh Easy to solve what? Yeah, it's gotta it's like to actually dance that line. It really is

The sixth same thing like reading a thriller like a book, you know, yeah, I I read the um The silent patient for my lady's book club and that that one really got me. I was surprised I did not know what the reveal was. It was it was good. That's yeah And reading them is much different like and it also a challenge But I'm saying reading a thriller is different. Well, I I cheated. I did the audiobook too. Okay. I'm on the airplane But um, yeah, I'm night. I'm night Shimano young and my shaman shaman shaman Um, so the sixth sense that was his the one where everybody was like, I forget

What was the big reveal again? Remember? I see dead people and he really did see them. Yeah, but then the the reveal Was that I forget now. You do so long. Yeah, the reveal was that uh, bruce willis who he'd been having conversations with the whole time. He's dead. Yeah, he's dead. That was cool. And like it shook people that I remember that movie was like That was a surprise Banger phenomenal. Yeah, and a big phenomenon Very cool movie. Um, he's made up. He's made a bunch of movies. Um And they're all you know, like a so there's some

Surprise the twist. Yeah the big reveal like basically You know in a way like the modern Like hitchcock kind of right like some similar. Yeah, he's trying to do that. Yeah. Now. What did you think of old? We watched it. I'll say this. I was intrigued. I liked the setup Yeah, I liked wondering like, you know when when when you start to go like what's going on And then finding out what was actually happening. I don't want to give it away of people who might want to see it But when you're finding out like what's happening, you're like, oh, it's cool. That's a cool. That's a cool premise

Um There's a couple things that I bang up on the you know, so I wouldn't give it like I don't say it's like a 10 out of 10 But I I give it a good like seven out of 10 Interesting. Yeah, I the ending bothered me. Yeah. Well, that's the thing ruined it these movies thrillers Can be like every like you can be like, oh my god Yeah, for if it's a 90 minute film for like 85 minutes and if those last five minutes Like that's the hardest thing to solve. It's like solving the puzzle if they're not. Oh my god, too you're like

It kind of it kind of damaged it for me because I love and by the way this movie is super stressful So the whole time I'm like It's getting you so much anxiety watching this fucking thing. The reveal is like it's kind of like, okay It's not the best. It's not the worst. It's not the worst. No, it's not the worst There are definitely I've seen movies where you're like the fuck was this Yeah, I passed off but this thing because you got to buy into the premise which is an Implausible kind of premise, but he does it in a in a cool way There's a couple that

He's one of these directors Who has to be in every one of his own films. That's so weird to me which I get it if your cameo is meaningless meaning Like you're a bartender or something and that's cool. And then you go. Hey, that's that's m night. Yeah He gave himself a I think too big of a part. It was it was absurd, you know It was a big part. I mean it Ultimately to the story ultimately like the it's a significant It's not like it's a huge role

but it's significant character that I think The acting chops of a great actor could have given more to that part, right? Yeah, it feels a little selfish to cast yourself in that part. It's like Any actor would do it like any top tier actor would take the part I know because this guy's like he's a he's a huge name. I mean people will do his films, but Yeah, you're watching it and you're like what why are you giving yourself this part?

It feels narcissistic. It I don't know. I mean, I didn't like it. Maybe it's just like I don't know like most these guys that are great directors are not great actors. I mean, I love Tarantino Yeah, he's great, but like he's not a great actor. No, but it's but I oddly I find him endearing Sometimes when he's in his own movies because you're like, oh there he is. He sucks Like he's a he's a crappy actor like I you know, yeah, you're like, oh, he's a person and he's just trying to have fun Yeah, I just I don't know. Yeah, I mean What ebbs, but it was entertaining enough. Yeah, and he's got he's not he doesn't have a good face for camera either that guy Tarantino. Yeah next to cloney. You're like, no, none of us look good next to cloney though. No

Yeah, he's got that creepy face. You can just picture yourself next to somebody Who like Stan so much better looking. Yeah, you're like fuck. What am I doing here? That's got it. That's everyone who stood next to George Clooney in that Do you know I saw these I you know one of those dumb Memes where you're like you go down the rabbit hole like those clickbait things and it's like actors male actors 50 and over That still look amazing. It was like Clooney Brad Pitt and then they went Johnny Depp not so much. You're like, oh Look at Johnny Depp now compared to it's it's amazing. That guy's a genetic he's a genetic anomaly. Yeah him and I think he's close to 60 Bro, it's right. It's almost 60 ridiculous and you look at him. You're like, yeah, what 57 years old man

Oh my god Him and then uh, uh, what? Yeah, what it's stunning. What the fuck 40 maybe he looks 40 maybe And then who's the guy Paul Rudd? He doesn't age either That's also, uh, I think he comes from Really good stock. He must yeah and then he's For him, it's just that like you're like, wait, why aren't you aging though?

What's going on? Yeah, like there's a picture. I saw a picture of him in Clueless and then a picture of him now and it's same He's yeah him and then the guy in the um, who's in the all the movies to The hangover. What's his name the comedic actor five years? He's adorable. Yeah Wait, who's the guy in the hangover the that guy who was in everything? He was at Brody's. Yeah, Bradley Cooper. Yeah He's another one where you're like does this guy ever fucking Yeah, I mean But he's aged. He's aging. He's not aging poorly. No, but he's aging. Yes, you know

The other guys some of those guys don't even look like they're putting on years. No tom cruise Yeah, but I think They're harvesting Babies Yeah Vampire he's bathing in the blood of virgins. Yeah So here's something's going on. So here's the deal. Yeah, they must do botox and fillers too I'm sure the male actors do it. Look at this point when when your career is like do people want to buy tickets to see you on the screen

Yeah, plus the camera on this big screen if it's right there. Everybody sees every flaw. Oh forget about it. He's like actually one of the world's Uh last I would say real movie stars like a person who the name and the trailer people go I will go. Yeah, I'll leave my house. Oh him Leonardo DiCaprio Oh, I love you know like they're like they still have like that power that feels like it's over old school, hollywood. Yeah Yeah, it's like the what's that guy? Yeah. Yeah, the guy that does the spaghetti sauce Well, I'll tell you what's going on this guy. Look at him. It's young pussy. It is young pussy power. Yeah Yeah, he just dumped another 25 year old. I think she turned 25 and he was like get the fuck out of here I love Leonardo. He has I just read a thing that said he's not dated a girl over 25 ever like that's the age

I think that's his cutoff age. Wow Yeah Wow, I've watched average age of Leo's girlfriend Here we go. Yeah, let's see. What's he gonna put in there? Of Leonardo DiCaprio graph No, you have to put the girlfriend in the search. Oh, yeah, you haven't you haven't seen this graph Oh, okay. There's something you know. Yeah, what am I looking at? I know what I'm looking for Um, so it's uh pretty much this shows you Leo's age as it progresses

And then it shows you which girlfriend her age and then as soon as he dumps you go on to the next one Oh At what age are they? Yep, not a single one above 25 as soon as they hit 25 he gets a new one I'm telling you. Wow. He's just dumping clips. Yeah, when he was 43, he was dating a 20 year old Pretty cool. It is cool He doesn't want to talk to them at all. No, this is literally this is just dumping clips and then Yeah This is the uh, this is the way that Nicholson did it. Yeah

For millions years. Now. Do you think if he did a Vincent Gallo page and was like a million dollars for a night with me It would happen takers. Absolutely Yeah, he's one of those like he's beloved and and like Yeah, oh, I love I grew up adoring this guy But they love him and they people love him they lust it like he's he's Everything desired by by the masses for sure. Yeah, he's a real star. He's like a real fucking movie star. He's an excellent actor Excellent actor. Yeah, amazing actor. Yeah So yeah, yeah, his balls are just empty and walks around all this way. So fucking happy

It's like that's why I'm aging. Well, I don't have any coming with balls. Yeah No stress. Yeah, there's no stress in him at all same with cloney. No stress And he always looks kind of doughy Like yeah, a little soft a little dad boddish. Yep, and I think that I think also he's like, yeah, I don't care Doesn't care. Well, his build was always small. He was he was skinny Lanky but back in the 90s. You could be yeah, he was real lanky and skinny as a yeah like a teen And then yeah There on the beach. Hey, he's got like a regular guy body. Yeah, he's not like it's not bad. No, he's just a regular guy

Yeah, normal Yeah No, there's something very alluring about him. His his face is good And he's got a relaxed way about who's that? Who's What teen Is his arm around Jesus Camila I'm around 25 she's 22

Amazing I'm amazing. Can you imagine how awful it is to talk to her? Yeah, he but maybe he has that like Stunted, you know because he's a child star. Oh, you're right. You know, I mean, so Like he not he probably didn't go through the he definitely didn't go through the normal No going to college and me like he's just been a star since he was like a kid Oh, he was on like growing pains and shit. Yeah, it's like the healthier version of like a michael jackson You know, that's so true

Yeah, because he's michael jackson's like I want to look at little boys buttholes, which is not good. That was weird Yeah, but then you know, leo was just like no 24 that that's my emotional age is about 24 I was like some 24 year old post and then I'll just do that forever. Yeah, he'll be doing that in his 70s And he can yeah, and he'll be like They'll be like whatever your legend Yeah Yeah, yeah You know, I used to look down on men for doing that

And then um, now I'm like, you know what if you're a man of means Why not spend the last few years of your life with some hot chicks sitting on your lap? That's my guy, right? Yeah, he's the best I mean, it doesn't get better than that. Yeah, this is every basically This is like every guy's hero. Of course I mean He's the fucking best actor my favorite guy to watch in a movie. It's just phenomenal And he's just like I like young trim. Mm-hmm. Yeah Yeah

There's just it's great. Yeah Listen, he he he wrote the book. He that's the blueprint that leo's following. Yeah. Oh like do interesting films Yeah, make a fortune And just you know Stay healthy with young puss get laid. Yeah. Yeah get laid, man Look at this guy. Yeah, he's the best He was at a laker game one time when we were there, right? I think we got to see him. Yeah, he was there Oh, I love him too

Shirts open and I love I hate when they do this to celebrities like come on So there when you go to the floor seats, you know, like in new york and in la like staples or garden When you're like those vip's they take you at halftime to like a vip lounge And so if you get that access as a regular person You're in that lounge With jack Nicholson. Oh, wow Somebody told me that their friend they were there with a friend. I forget who told me this. I wish I knew or which I remembered And they they see jack Nicholson. He was like eating a sandwich and they were like

Hey jack and he's like, yeah and they're like, uh You know, I love uh I love this movie. He goes whoop the fucking do I mean When you're internationally famous for like 50 years Yeah, I you can't even pretend to be like, oh, you like my film like you can't I guess it's just over And he's got the fucking money right at this point like he doesn't have to be nice to anybody gosh

You know, it's so funny. I was I was talking to somebody About this too. Remember like those old was at the tonight show where karson had a rule that when he walked down the hall everybody had to turn and face the walls And nobody can look at me like that's a rule. That was steve harvey recently No, yeah, don't look at me is a rule. That was the whole thing that was I was trending about him Tell me tell me about it. The the thing was that he There was like a memo or something that went out that like steve har I swear to god Steve harvey was like when I'm going from here to there

I don't want it was I don't know if it was eye contact, but I don't have time for any conversation But here's the thing everybody goes like oh my god You know it is that is that the thing there memo to staffers. Yeah Okay, so this is it. Can you make it larger? Take a deep breath. All right. Okay um Does it where does it start? Harvey confirmed the memo. Where's the memo though? Yeah, I'm looking for it. Yeah, this all right. Get back to us. Get the theme on it

but Essentially what it was is that he's doing a lot what I'm saying is that I actually as much as you go like oh That's the fucking balls on this guy, but he does like 10 tv shows. He has a nationally syndicated radio show He's on the radio show. He's doing like all these things And like when everybody knows you like when you're steve harvey, everybody knows you they see you hosting family feud Yes, you're super famous. You can't talk to every person. It just takes it's gonna drain your energy. Yeah But but so I understand I respect that like I understand the request of Hey, please, uh, you know, just don't try not to make conversely. I'm working right now. Maybe later. Yeah, but don't look at me

Yeah, is a fucking insane request. That's true. That's true. Don't look at me That's crazy. How can you tell people is that what it said? Well, that's that's been a writer request in a lot of celebrity things. I've heard I've heard uh, well that that was one like I said in the old tonight show. I believe did you find it? I think so. Did you type in steve harvey memo to staff? It says uh, do not open my dressing room if you open my door expect to be removed All my security team will stop everyone from standing at my door who have the intent to see or speak to me I'm a black dude with a bald head. All right

We Can't actually find the memo Like steve harvey memo to staff That's what I typed in it just this looks like people I could find it on my phone probably. I mean, I'm sure I could find it. Let's see it. Let's see how long it takes me Should we get the timer up guys? Here we go. Nadav you've already been looking for two minutes Steve harvey memo to staff Literally literally the first fucking thing that comes up is the memo to staff

You want to read it tom? I found it for fuck's sake God, okay. Are you ready? Do you want to read it tom? Sure Good morning, everyone. Welcome back. I'd like y'all to review and adhere to the following notes and rules for season five of my talk show There will be no meetings in my dressing room. No stopping by or popping in No one do not come to my dressing room unless invited Do not open my dressing room door if you're if you open my door expect to be removed My security team will stop everyone from standing at my door who have the intent to see or speak to me I want all the ambushing to stop now that includes tv staff. You must schedule an appointment

I have been taken advantage of On my lenient policy in the past this ends now no more Do not approach me while i'm in the makeup chair unless I ask you to speak with you directly either knock or use the doorbell I'm seeking more free time for me throughout the day. Do not wait In any hallway to speak to me. I hate being ambushed. Please make an appointment I promise you I will not entertain you in the hallway and do not attempt to walk with me If you're reading this, yes, I mean you everyone do not take offense to the new way of doing business It is for the good of my personal life and enjoyment. Thank you all Steve harvey

I I I feel like I understand Yeah, that this is a poorly executed Yes, it's it sounds very upset. It's at the end of what happened was like The day before or the week before yeah, this is all he was talking about about like people came in and then like He's talking about it with his wife or like with his staff somebody on like his executive producer I think they were like let people know man You need to be and then he writes this thing all emotionally. Yeah, and then people are like this reads terribly

Well, I understand it because these are energy vampires. Yeah, right? So let's say it is a performer You're giving you're all your soul to the audience Two shows a night these people have paid to come see you your duty is to them. Yeah, the audience So when people come into your green room and they want to bullshit and sit down and then their friend It's like it zaps you of your focus and your energy And it robs the people that have paid to see you of you giving a good show Yeah, so I understand that Um, yeah poorly executed, but I get the sentiment completely like making appointment

You shouldn't have wrote that was written in your feelings. Yeah. Yeah, you should have that good right there But there are people who do have don't look at me in their um, that's insane contracts and their writers Yeah, I've heard of that one Literally Johnny Carson, I believe when you when he walked down the hall everybody had to turn and face the wall face the way I've heard Ellen does that Don't look at me thing Yeah, like nobody can look at me. That was the one though Ellen one's funny because it like shocked people because everyone's like Ellen's my best friend. Yeah

I watch her dance and then I dance too And she would love me and you're like Ellen would hate you. She would hate you. Yeah But I think it is always that sacchariney sweet personality. Like everyone's got a dark side folks. Hey Yeah, like music 50s everything was great like I don't know bullshit bullshit my asshole right little update for you. Stop calling me daddy. Oh um Only the best

All right, ready. I'm so ready for him. I haven't seen this but this is a new video What's up everybody? I'm out here taking this shit My whole family is having a good night. Um Everybody stay blessed. I'm gonna take a shower right now Um, yeah, I know what I mean. I'm here for y'all. I love you all and everybody have a good night What kind of update is that? What's up? I'm taking this shit It's like he stay blessed. So hold on so he It's like he wants to get laid, right? That was the whole issue with daddy lalagon is like don't I'm not gay, bro

I like girls, but then you're taking a dump and you're taking this shit Girls don't want to see you doing that either. They sure don't so what is it? Do you want to get later? Don't you daddy lalagon? We try to reach out to daddy lalagon and Okay, let me tell you my intel. Yeah now. I have a fan that I've been friends with shout out to mozica And her uh boo boo her husband and I I known her for years. She's been an early stand-up fan. Anyway Hit her boo boo drives fedex Okay, and delivered a parcel a package to another none other than daddy lalagon Really?

So he knows where he lives and he asked for a picture with him and she sent me the picture on dm He gave he did the picture. Yeah Yeah, so he's like dude your fucking daddy lalagon Yeah, I'm sure he didn't like that. No, but he took a picture with him. I thought that was pretty cool. That is pretty cool Yeah, um, so he's taking his shit. Good for him We're super happy for you, bro. Good job homie. Um don't fucking call me daddy, bro. I heard you bitches was looking for me. All right Now we're cooking with now you're ready gas. Here we go. Oh, man My eye is like retarded and old

I have the old dumb eyes Let's see him This one I'm like blind Oh chicken bitch, you know this one He can do the clicking. Yeah, isn't that cool pretty cool. They're doing tiktok's there. That's what I'm saying Is that a human skull in the tree? Yeah, it's cool He's uh, I mean, but that's pretty wild that tiktok has made it to wherever part of the world. This is Uh phoenix. Yeah

You like this one And mom's got a screen So this is um an account that deals with just Scaly feet and getting the skin off of people's feet and changing this jumping to the next one It's a it's a disorder where you get crusted over like the This guy's pretty cool Yeah, so for those of you just listening he wiggles his tongue to the beep sounds and then he writes look what I can do Yeah, that dude's fucking rad. His name is kool-aid kid eight thirties. Will you let him? Nope

Would I let him what stop it with this? You don't think he'd be good at that? No, why baby? No, I'm I get why you always ask me stop calling me daddy. I don't want to fucking say this I get that you can say that you're not attracted to him. No, I understand that but you don't think he's good at that Look a guy just wagging his tongue in the air isn't Is no indicator You're good at that No You should make these videos look what I can do videos. Yeah

If you're trying to fall in love with me hit me the fuck up because I'm looking tired of playing games dog I'm just trying to fall in love that real hit me the fuck up Serial I like her if I were single that'd be my first fucking message. I'll be like what's up. I'm trying to fall in love too I love your face tats 82. Yeah, I like her honest approach. She looks good. She's got good lighting Yeah, any why do you why are you fucking around man? Yeah, just fucking fall in love dog Send her a message. You talking you think I should I should fuck with this one. Yeah Yeah, I mean she's tired playing games, man. Hey, I'm fucking down. Serio. Come on

Tell you what I love about um any lately his fashion. He's gotten into goth any If you look at him today, he's got a dagger around his neck and he wears black a lot full fire Yeah, it's a good and he's got the leather cuff on he's going to attract A whole new lane of crazy goth checks. Yeah, I just I just realized that what I usually wear out here doesn't really uh It doesn't translate. It translates as I'm a girl. So, you know, I'm kind of just trying to switch it up a little bit Will you normally wear? Yeah, what do you normally wear? Like I normally wear all that colorful shit Fucking, you know pink sweatshirt with a fucking gray pants. It looks good on you, man Yeah, I know I know it looks good, but it ain't texas though. Texas it reads as something else. You know what I'm saying?

All right. Yeah, I'm very not welcome a little extra sugar in the tank Okay, I got you So this is how we make tuna at subway if you want to see the ingredients you should pause it from the beginning because I didn't really show the pack, but This is one pack For every one pack of tuna You need A half a pack of mayo

You're supposed to crunch it up before you add the mayo like make it like Not clumpy like that, but like I don't really do that because You're gonna make it not clumpy. Anyway, so like Yeah, it's easier this way. Honestly It smells horrible like god awful like way worse than the regular can tuna at your house It's fucking disgusting And like you got to get in there with your hands and it's just disgusting and like the whole

Store smells like it So you just gotta mix it and then serve it I love it. So this is secrets of subway on tiktok. I live for these fast food restaurant Like tiktoks when the employees tell you what's up. I have officially I am put off of a lot of different not chick-fil-a Thank you for sponsoring the new studio But fuck subway dude. I'm done. This is nasty as shit and I like their tuna fish. I'm the asshole eating their tuna I feel just worse. That's so terrible

Hello, everyone. I'm back. I've had my hymen replaced and it's super strength. You can use it as a trampoline I Don't get it. I don't get it, but I liked it. I like the tv. It's so loud That's one of the loudest I've ever heard. It's a full volume. I know I know And you know his hymen this arm over when it's under I could push And now at this point it's literally how it started at this point. See And then after you know at this point, you know, if you want to add a variety Get the inner thigh

But first thing first you can just start with that that main thing So as you get the arm under now, you just flow over here. Now you turn back literally it's a start point you grip I just like the movement of this one. I thought it was kind of Before I start adding the variation That's when you kind of get the main gist of it. I love that it's a like under the guise of this is instructions Yeah, this is a real class. Looks like the beginning to a different kind of video Now you give it a shot man. Yeah. Yeah And flowing from to the feet to the glute

Good now we flow up Good good. I'm okay. I'm good Oh, you like the instructional videos you said I do like it's nice for you to learn how to do that for me My glutes get tight. Okay I'm the type of man that likes the women Around age 30 at 39. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Did you hear the the oxygen machine in the background beep? Yeah, it doesn't sound like do you know what? He has a uh

A kind of a striking You don't see it. What similarity to Leonardo DiCaprio You don't see it. No, you know what he looks like Um, remember that movie cocoon. He likes older women than leo does but yeah, that's your oldest shit 30 30 to 39 Grows But doesn't he look like the creatures from cocoon the old The old aliens that they pull out. I think he looks very handsome Yeah, 30 to 39. He looks ancient

Look No Yeah The dying alien. He looks like that guy. This guy looks great. What are you talking about? Mr. Oh his handle is mr. Junk food king. Oh Makes sense It's a good one to get checks with tuna fish Oh

Ha y'all take y'all can hi y'all think I can run over me. I don't think I can run over me. Ha Sticks and stones don't break my back but words don't ever hurt Sticks and stones don't never break my don't break my back words never hurts Thank you. Thank you. What's the saying it's it's ticks and stones don't break my back but words will never hurt Yeah, that's right. She got it right I thought it was ticks and stones may break my bones. It's actually really pretty Yeah, um, and then Yeah

Her nick at autumn fall pumpkin spice. Oh, that's who's talking smack. That's who's talking smack. So this is evil hot wolf 35 is like um six six and I think evil hot wolf is kind of pretty. No, she is. Yeah But she doesn't know the expression Yeah, so you may want to edit like I would start over and then Record it knowing the saying You want to tell her the correct expression? I think it's ticks and stones may break my bones But words will never hurt me. You got it right. Is that right? That's correct. Okay. Yeah

Do I look like her when I say that is that why you did that you did look a lot like her Yeah And there's a real sad one to go. Oh, there's one more. Okay. What do you mean? Sad you It may surprise you to learn that you are probably shelving your books incorrectly and you'd be doing damage to them the way you're shelving them Everybody wants their spines all lined up nice and everybody for that beautiful aesthetic that it gives However, this is likely actually damaging your books. Uh, there is a form of warp which is called splay

These eastern press books are pretty notorious for them in my opinion. There's a subtle example Where This board this book has boards which splay out. It's no longer a rectangle This is from the book being compressed against other books over time on a shelf And the fore edge is not compressed and therefore the boards splay out away from each other And that is a form of warp An extreme example vellum loves to do this as well as right here

Where this book now has boards splaying out and this will never fully go back So that is permanent damage to that book the way to avoid this is not to line up Your spines but to line up your fore edges and shelve your books as so They will look uneven at the front They will be lined up evenly at the back and this will prevent splay from happening This guy's the shit He's so into the Patrick's underscore rare books. He's really into this. He really knows his shit and I must admit I prefer the uneven look. I think it's more natural

I love an expert in something that fucking you know, I mean like most of us have Some general knowledge of a lot of things just some And we're only experts like really an expert in like one or two things one or two things Like I'm only an expert in one thing basically. I mean, I just understand completely What how to be a stand-up comedian? Yeah How like the creative part of it works and how the business so it works I could I could sit with anybody on earth and give them a fucking lesson Like that's the only thing that I'm a high level expert and farts

You're kind of I would say above me on that fart mistress But I have general knowledge of a bunch of things but not at expertise. No, it's very it's a lifetime This guy's been jay and his dita books his whole life. Yeah, that's what I'm saying like finally tick tock This is something that I have You know little to no knowledge of but you're like, yeah, I mean I have books I've seen books on show and you're like, I never think about that and then he gives you These fucking lessons. I love it. I love it. I would love to never see the foot scale thing again So what so what happens is that's a disorder where I understand that there's a there's all these diseases that I don't want to be a part of

Okay You didn't like that it did feel gratifying to watch it get ripped off. No, no didn't do it for me I like it didn't do it for me didn't do it for me didn't do it for me Come on, that's what you get You're the fucking worst. Okay All right, uh, we gotta go uh our closing song For the week. Let's see. It's I know i'm white by bruce christner bruce christner. All right, we'll see you guys next week. Bye gene

Oh Why I know i'm white White Hi, thank you for watching that episode of your mom's house Please continue to watch more you can see all these were my hands gesturing you click on those And please subscribe if you have not yet and subscribe button and then we'll get your money Thanks