Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 631 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: November 24, 2021

YMH Live 7 is now available! Watch the stream this Thanksgiving Weekend while you still can! Get your tickets here: https://livestream.ymhstudios.com/ CHICAGO! Come see Tom live on his birthday, April 16! Presale starts this Wednesday at 10am local time. Get tickets at https://www.ticketmaster.com/event/04005AE7FAE32A7B and use code EVERYWHERE SPONSORS: - Head on over to https://Stance.com and pick out whatever styles you like. Enjoy the color and comfort of a life less ordinary… with Stance - Go to https://saatva.com/theshit for $200 off your order - Go to https://Squarespace.com/MOM for a free trial and when you’re ready to launch, and use the offer code MOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain - Get your first refill FREE at https://GETQUIP.com/MOM. - Go to https://WHOOP.com and use code “MOM” at checkout to save yourself 15% off today. - Get 20% off and free shipping by going to https://manscaped.com/MOM. - Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app now, use promo code MOM, bet just ONE DOLLAR on any Thanksgiving NFL game and win ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS IN FREE BETS if either team scores a point. - Get 25% off your membership at https://Fitbod.me/MOM We start off this week of Your Mom's House Podcast with Tom Segura and Christina P jamming to a classic #YMH banger, "Vocal Fry" by Gaping Dad! With all this vocal fry talk, we start talking about the family that made it popular, the Kardashians, and how insane of transformation Kylie Jenner has had over the years. That leads us to discussing the Travis Scott fiasco as Astro World. Tom then talks about going to sporting events with his dad, Top Dog, who has a real problem with parking/traffic anxiety. We open on a grandpa who gives an update on his brown situation, and we get another sneak peak at the primo googling skills Nadav has to offer as well as an update on airport codes! The mommies discuss how miserable Thanksgiving can be and give tips on the little things you can to make it slightly more bearable. We see the newest British rendition of our favorite garage worker and wonder what kind of revenge you can participate in legally. Eye for an eye? We then unveil a new FedSmoker video (to us) where he seems to be falling head over heels for lady he met at the district attorney's office of a town he's passing through. How would you react if FedSmoker started making a pass at you? We talk about Top Dog saying words wrong for almost no reason, like concierge, Joe Pesci, and Washington. We watch some cool clips of the guy with the pet liger and an old lady who claims to not have a stinky meow. Christina makes the claim that if Tom was single he'd be a "weird alone guy." The Apple store has one of the absolute worst in-store experiences of any company in the world, we see a cool guy withstanding quite a bit of horsepower, and we wrap with Christina's TikTok curations! Happy Thanksgiving and make sure you give thanks to those you're thankful for and try not to eat too much but also make sure you eat enough. Okay have a great week!

Hey guys, if you didn't know it's Thanksgiving weekend What better time than to get your family together and go to live streamed at YMH studios comm and enjoy YMH live seven with Your whole family and eat some turkey with the heavy segment. Hey jeans big announcement I'm doing another show at credit union one arena. This one's on April 16th my birthday I'm having a big huge comedy bash You can get tickets starting today Wednesday starting at 10 a.m. Local time use the code word everywhere for access the general on sale is Friday, it's gonna be a wild night go to tomseger.com slash tour for tickets and we do know that Austin is a US for the airport code

A lot of people like it's not ATX. I'm like, yeah, I know we fly into it every week Wait, what's the airport code? A US. That's our airport code. It is. Yes I Knew that I just so knew that Oh Oh Speech pathologist call it a disorder Oh

She's a little vocal fryer Oh Hey That's a gaping dad made that gaping dad. Yeah, who can forget and and very iconic vocal fries in there Yeah, your voice even seagull You know You don't hear vocal fry as much as you used to it was more popular a few years ago. Yeah

Like everybody like then they credited the Kardashians with making that popular. I believe it thing to make popular You know what I was doing the other day I was going down a Kylie Jenner Rabbit hole and I was like I just googled her old face and her old appearance and her new face Mm-hmm, and I was like I wonder what she had done because she was a regular-looking person Kylie Jenner. Mm-hmm. She says the cosmetics. Oh, right. Yes It's dramatic. They're all dramatically different-looking all of them, but I think Kylie really went through the most Transformation very young too right very young

She was like 17 or 18 when they they got her under the knife and they gave her boobs they gave her a butt They're saying Fit lip lot a lip filler that family is all about the lip filler. Yeah a nose job Because her face was she was just a regular girl. Yeah, and now she's Kardashian fight Mm-hmm really amazing look at her before and after it's it's very drastic Yeah, first one. Yes, she just took a regular girl. Oh, I know what it was on Instagram. It was like You know something like if you feel like you're just a regular person. You just don't have money Like you can just buy your face, which she's gorgeous. She looks good. She does look good

Yeah Wow, she the one dramatic drastic change Who's who does she date? Do you know me no? Like I don't know if it's those guys guys Travis Scott. Yeah. Yeah, he might be going to motherfucking jail No, uh, what do you do? You didn't follow that story astrofest. Oh I did. Yeah, some people got hurt eight people died And apparently he I mean the accusation is that like

He sees people like Being trampled and just is like whatever kept performing doesn't stop his performance doesn't like have people Back out. I mean 23 people were hospitalized. I think oh my god is a disaster and he has a history of like of not really given a fuck what happens at his Shows like people getting hurt. So what's the charge that he Did he incite the violence or he just sat by and like he so he it's just like a ill-prepared Venues security. Yeah, or just limit like not enough and people were like I said like Rushing the stage being trampled and they were like screaming and he's standing there looking at them and just keeps doing his show

Yikes, and because I think of his history of this kind of happening I mean, I don't know but you know, it's his festival. So you just don't know what could what could end up happening But they're saying that like he might be charged with something. He's a young dude, right? Yeah I mean, I don't know how old he is but he's definitely goodness gracious. Yeah, I I mean shit I see someone just like a drunk person fall down during my show and I'm like is this person okay? Yeah, so why yeah, that's like and I controlled That happens. I don't know man. It sounded like really terrifying People just being trampled to death. That's terrible. Yeah, that's some scary stuff Tom

Yeah, I don't like that at all. That's why I don't go to the concerts anymore. That was strange Well, you know what I'm actually You know what I actually because I just had a flashback to being a teenager and seeing skinny puppy And like I Stupidly got into the mosh pit of a skinny show as a teen. I was a very aggressive Punker. Yeah, these guys and I was so terrifying to be in the mosh pit as a girl It was it was tiny I shouldn't have been in there and someone a friend of mine pulled me out and it was really scary

And then I started to think that I would never go to a festival now No, cuz I'm you know middle-aged and I don't want people touching me Yeah, and sweating on me and get trampling me. This was a great band. I would never go to this I would never go to a show. I would go to Certain concerts, but like not like a hardcore show Never. No skinny puppies is pretty hardcore and ministry. I saw them and that was terrifying Yeah, I wouldn't go to any type of show like that. I also like you know

Sporting events like I like sports. Yeah, like I went to that Austin FC game Which is the soccer game. That was awesome, but it was like, you know Nice facility like even the in there was a lot of fucking intense Excitement there, but I never felt like oh shit like I got an NFL games where I'm like Jesus Christ these fucking animals You know like I just people spilling beers on you not that that can't happen at a soccer game It can obviously but there's just environments that I don't want to be in anymore. Yeah, too aggressive. That's why I went Oh, that's not fun anymore I think I used to enjoy the excitement of possibly getting murdered or killed or trampled at a show and now I'm like, I don't I

Gotta raise these convenience. I asked my dad Time so your dad now. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I got invited to So usually it's every Thanksgiving week We're on so happy Thanksgiving Don't forget go to Livestream.ymh studios.com and you can still see YMH live seven which is For your family for Thanksgiving weekend But anyway

Every week usually it's this week. Yeah, where Florida Florida State plays your favorite team for the state the semen holes And it's always like and if you're if you live in Florida, and you know, you have some yeah allegiance whatever It's always just like and it's it's a obviously it's a family weekend. It's Thanksgiving weekend So I got invited to go a few years ago And this is you know going back to high school days for me where like that game was like a huge game Right had it had national championship implications every year like if you lost that game You probably won't be playing for the title. This is when both teams were were really good But anyway, it always brings out, you know excitement and emotions and

I got invited to go and I go dad. Do you want to go see Florida Florida State like at I think it was in Gainesville and he was like Where are we gonna park? Yeah, and I was like no I hear you that's because I'm thinking that way too, man Yeah, I go I got hooked up because it was like Like to into a sweet sure and he's like how close can we park though? I was like all right like We got a sweet like I'm sure there's decent parking for for that and he was like And I go well, here's the thing I

I'll make sure the parking is great, but we're gonna stay for the whole game And he was like Why? Because he would do this thing. He's so annoying to go to a game with Where he would be like it's fourth quarter and he'd be like Let's go and you're like this fucking tied up with With seven minutes left. Yeah, we got to get to the car though the crowds. I'm like This is why everyone's here right now. There's last few minutes

Wins the game. He's like and you just see him. He's like Let's go let's go let's go and you're like You're taking me away at that. This is like leaving a movie Yeah, in the last ten minutes when they go here's who saw who's here's the killer and then you're like we got to go Yeah, there's gonna be traffic on the way home. That's what it's like to get But can I say I I relate a hundred percent because when you and I would go to Laker games in LA Yeah, I got so much anxiety about everybody leaving the venue at one time and how am I gonna find the uber if it's not a good game I get it if you see if you had a Laker game and there's

Whatever 20 point difference in the fourth quarter like between the two teams like all right It's clear who's gonna win this game, but if it's like a back-and-forth Nailbiter, yeah, you're gonna leave during that part. I mean my anxiety tells me to leave Yeah, but then here's what you can do to yeah You can stay longer and hang out until the crowd files out and then you can you know I mean you can also just wait 15 minutes when everybody's gone and then that Absolutely can but you don't think that way when your brain is in I know crazy I'm telling you I mean he would take me to

NFL games when we lived in the cities with NFL teams and it was every time he like let's go I'm like it's fucking there's 12 minutes left in the game, man. Yeah, they're gonna win. We should just go My gosh, but I tell you know, I've ditched entire plans because of no parking. Yeah, I went sucks Yeah, I went to go see I wanted to see an IMAX movie with the kids Yeah, and I didn't realize Austin was playing their football game. Yeah, what's the name of the team this the Longhorns the Longhorns? Yeah, and I Mean if there was no parking and I drove around. Is that really the name of the team? Yeah the Texas Longhorns University of Texas Longhorns. Yeah college team. Okay, and so I say at least people walk I go

Oh forget about it and I was like, sorry kids. We're not seeing the movie today. Sorry. I'm looking. I'm not gonna do it I'm with you. They were so mad at me. I'm like, we'll just go to the shitty mall That's something that when you're like when you're 22 you're like, I don't give a shit. Yeah walk fucking 15 Yeah, and we did remember you're like, I got to go to the thing God, I remember doing the dumbest shit Like oh my god, I would go to see like nine-inch nails. I took a train Across to fucking where is it San Jose or wherever and then you got to take the bus and then get to the thing And there's no cell phones or uber back then. No, and I was like, I got to go see nine-inch nails play like I would never

Never if it's not convenient. I ain't doing it That's the name of the game. All right opening clip. You ready? Yeah, what's it? Oh My bonza I had diarrhea all morning The cock up all over the place all over the toilet and I missed a toilet seat doing cock all over the floor Oh Cock on my pants. Oh My butt hurts

Oh What's that dog, I like this video for a lot of reasons I like diarrhea updates, you know me There's a kid next to him. That's pretty cool. Like I had diarrhea Morning Who's who's the video intended for is it just for the world to know or is it for a specific person? Yeah, it's really it's interesting and like the most of the seems like a grandkid maybe Clearly it's not his Five-year-old son could be did it he has he produces good sperm like Vincent Gallo?

I don't think so he could be in that Leonardo DiCaprio camp where he's just banging young chicks, you know No, you don't think so I see him and Leo having a lot of similarities There's part two ready Oh, there's more you got a ranch So much cock are coming out. It's like Chocolate milk shake milk shake. Oh my god Oh

I'm trying to drink some water. I can't drink a half a cup and boom. I blew up In two seconds. Oh my bonza Oh My diarrhea again, I gotta kick off bye. Bye. I'll call you talk to you later. Oh It's a face time. Uh sure doesn't seem like it does it well. Where did he post this? I don't know where was it posted? Maybe he's like, you know how like some people don't realize that tiktok is public Yeah, maybe he thought a face time is like you record yourself and then you send it to somebody and then you send it to youtube You're like here you go. Here's the message

And then I'll FaceTime you back like no, no, no, it's actually a phone call. This is clearly a video Oh He says a milk shake a milk shake Pansa my language is panza his asshole All over the place Me panza. Oh Is it spanish? I mean panza I always thought was like a belly, you know, but maybe he's saying that my belly Oh me panza. Yeah

Yeah Me panzón is fatso, right? Don't know panzón Not pants. What? Just typing panza. No, panza I'm just trying to help. How do you say retarded in spanish? Let that out. See In hungarian it's jeepish. Yeah, and the dove is jeepish. Yeah. I'm what? Look up retard in other languages. Look up retard in german I'm a verver zogern. No this

The zogern play the uh the sound there's a good vision He can't play the sound The zogern, okay. Hmm There's a gun gun. Yeah All right something on the other end. Something there Yeah, there is something he can't play the sound for retarded. Yeah retard Oh, wow, can you please just play it don't be retarded

Oh, I got it guys. Okay. Oh fatsogan. Oh, fatsogan. Yeah, that's good. Yep Oh jeepish. I know it is Mentally retarded. Let's see what it says. Maybe it's a new word. My parents just said jeepish like down syndrome, but Maybe there's a let's see Mentally retarded No, the hungarian one Uh, I don't see the uh translation. No mentally retarded. No. Oh, here we go Ertemi fogyatikus

That's meaning not under mental ertem is to understand. Yeah. Are you retarded? What about in peruvian? Spanish dude. Oh my god Yeah, yeah He is yeah, remember the airport code discussion Oh, yeah, guys, I got answers on what the x stands for. Oh my god. That was like a month ago. Yeah, what was it? Yeah, what'd you get? It so sit there's some cities That are only two letters Okay, and so

For the airport for a city that only has two letters. They're like, oh, well, it's only two letters But it needs three letters. Let's just put an x where the extra blank is. Oh my god Are you okay? Is that true? Yes. Does that sound logical to you? It is the it is it's got to be a three letter code It has to be. Yeah, all airport codes have become three letter codes. Okay. Yeah So those that needed a letter were just given the x That's the explanation for wow And we do know that austin is a us for the airport code A lot of people are like, it's not atx. We're like, yeah, I know we fly into it every week

Wait, what's the airport code for us? A us. That's our airport code. It is Yes I knew that I just so knew that you thought it was I thought it was atx. I didn't pay attention this whole time Atx is just what they people call austin, right Now makes no sense to me. I thought atx was the airport code this whole time. No, it's it makes sense that you could think that I'm saying yeah Like you see it in every time you

Yeah, I'm retarded Can I tell you something that I had a pageski effect about did you know that? Okay? I love stuffing That's my favorite Thanksgiving item. Okay. I love stuffing and I like the crappy kind out of the box The stover's shit You can eat stuffing any time of the year. I know it fucking I know I know you don't have to wait for things. I mean my thing has always been you don't have to eat What someone tells you to eat on Thanksgiving that that was my big. Yeah, like We've done that. I know but I

I think beginning in 2012. I think that's the first year that I did it where I bought steaks and lobster and no, I was we did it I was with you remember you always say I do it. Yeah, I have kids. No, we have kids. Well, I have them too But we together have a life, you know We make Thanksgiving I I got my stuff. I have two children We had steak I Cooked steaks. So what are we gonna do for this tg? Do you want to do two dish?

I hate turkey. It is a dry pussy meat. It's gross I don't even like good turkey. Yeah, I tried my turkey. I've had that. I've had I've had your deep fried turkey. Don't tell me Have you had a turducken? Yeah, I've had it all. I don't like it. It's dry. I just prefer a rib eye I don't know why it's so crazy. You know what I like honey baked ham I fucking hate ham. You do even the honey baked with the glaze on it hate Okay, the way google hates nadav is not much I hate fucking ham I don't like it. So what are you gonna have for I want to have a steak and we're gonna see family

Yeah, and the pressure is going to be on for us to have a traditional tg. You know what I'm gonna do If they don't Give me a steak. What walk out Make it like really dramatic. Yeah and take the kids table. I'll be like the kids are leaving If you didn't you don't fucking respect that we want steak. Yeah, and just leave. Yeah, that's a nice memory to make for your kids and for your Family, what a great way to break the cycle of generational trauma. I fuck you and fuck you Fuck you. Fuck your turkey. Remember when I made Thanksgiving dinner. I'd be like, does that want a turkey? And then flip over. Yeah, I fucking hate this dry pussy meat. Yeah, remember when I made Thanksgiving dinner in Silver Lake and then um

What Do you remember this cool thing when your dad came over? Late how late very late well after dinners after dinner. We had actually had we had guests come over Maria matt fulschram Yeah, that's right, and then He was invited and he was like, yeah, I'm coming over but then we were like, I guess we should start and then Dinner was over and then a few hours after that. So this is probably Six hours or seven hours after you Said to come over

He brought over a woman. He was seeing right She was Asian Maybe columbian that year. Nope knows asian lady. Yeah Actually from china. She was chinese. Oh, that's right and had like She was nice, but she was like, why don't I don't celebrate Thanksgiving. This isn't my only way But don't forget what he contributed to the Thanksgiving Splendor

His own six pack a breath six pack. Yeah to drink his not for everybody just his six pack and he hung out a little bit He was like, all right See you later. Yeah, I'm like, do you want to eat dinner? Like there's left up. No, I don't like Thanksgiving dinner. I'm like, okay Yeah I don't like it like I need it. Yeah I respect it. Yeah. Yeah, I think my father always hated the holidays and he felt it was imposed upon him Um, so I get it, you know, it was pretty cool. That was that was cool pretty cool guy. He's a pretty cool guy Yeah, I'm trying to think of other things. Giveings my mother would refuse to cook

American Thanksgiving so she would make like hungarian sausages polish sausages Chicken paprikash stuff like that. Yeah, and I was like, why can't you just be normal? I just make make the stuff make the stuffing dude. It's a box. Yeah, it's not hard Once you learn how to do the dinner one time you do it again You can buy all that shit instant at the grocery store. Yeah instant gravy instant box shit Instant mashies. Yeah, I never really macaroni and cheese. You can't make fucking mac and cheese The the sweet potatoes with the marshmallows. That's a good one sweet potato casserole. That's a jam. That's a jam for me

Yeah, I'll I'll get down with that. Yeah, because I always felt like you were having dessert Right and it is the kids love it. I made it last year pecan. I love pecan pecan Hi, I love my I mail this last year Thanksgiving. I like those Remember last year I had uh, we all had covid um on christmas And I made fucking christmas dinner sick with covid. Yeah, remember that shit. I was like, I'm not letting this pandemic Can I tell you the truth? I don't remember that. You don't remember? No, I was um, oh, you were banished. Yeah No, no, no, you were upstairs. Yeah, but I don't remember. Yeah. Yeah

No, I did though. I made christmas dinner and I said fuck you covid One week from today If you're watching this is the anniversary of my injury your kid. What a what we need to have a special episode for that Yeah, it's pretty exciting walk down memory lane. It's a fun time That's been a year already december 1st Yeah, that was the day. That was a bad day. I got a bad bite that day kid Definitely got a bad bite. I'll never forget getting that phone call. Yeah, I just put the babies down Yeah, and bird

I was going to take a piss Bert called me and he goes push Don't don't no you call me first, right? I thought I texted you first Or did I call you? No, you call me. I called you if I called you was from the From the ambulance you go Don't worry Don't worry. I just um, I'm in an ambulance. I'm going to the emergency room I just had an accident. I'm I just broke my arm and my leg and I was like, what?

Yeah, you were like what? I'm like what it was a horrible 24 hours I know. I'm the horrible. I want to laugh a month after that's how I felt It was probably the worst month of our lives. I would say it's pretty terrible. Yeah Yep Merry christmas. Hey, but you know something. Here's my vow to you Peggy sue this Thanksgiving this christmas are gonna be fucking stellar. Yeah. Yeah, no sports We're not gonna play any sports. We're not gonna play any sports. No dunking

Um, it's gonna be fucking awesome and joy and we're not gonna let anything ruin it Yeah, like last year was we had covid on christmas eve last year sucked Yeah, and I sold me dinner and we fucking opened gifts and we were good parents. Mm-hmm We told those kids this is because of fucking jesus What's because of jesus the presence? Yeah You know jesus is do you love him? um

You love jesus did you I told uh Something about so I don't know ellis said god that I tell you this I go well, who's god? He goes who's god? I go yeah, he goes he controls the weather dude That's good, I don't know where you heard that but I like that that works Yeah, he's like he controls the weather dude that kid man So we got his stuffed iguana from uh somewhere we were visiting like a toy iguana puppet And um, and I go what are we gonna name the iguana? Yeah, and he goes what about trap remix?

And I was like that's the fucking illest name I have ever heard in my life dude. Yeah trap remix. Yeah For an iguana and then and then that we found a turtle shell Not a turtle like an again a bent like just a shell it was a dead turtle that had been there for a long time Right, so the body decomposed but then there's just a shell So we put it in some water like and some bleach and cleaned it up And then you're like where are we gonna name the uh this turtle shell? He was like pixel Still it's a good name trap remix and pixel. That's our new band, bro. Yeah Yeah, your trap remix and I'll be pixel. I'm the hype man

It brought me back to uh, remember the last episode we were talking about that movie old at m night shamala mading dong made He um, uh, he has a rapper character in that movie. Yeah That is named mid-sized sedan Which is funny It's a funny name For a rapper But it doesn't go with the movie at all like didn't fit It feels like the name of a character in like a sandler movie for sure

I would have been right there in the movie. It's like The tone everything and they're like the kids like that's mid-sized sedan And then when they ask him his name, he's like a mid-sized sedan and it's at like the height of tension and it felt like Uh, I don't know. It took it totally took me out. I'm like, why are you giving him this funny name in this film? You know, I agree. It was it was completely not the time for Humor. Yeah, it was the there's no laughs. No ha ha at all in that movie. Not funny. No, and then and the name is funny

It's funny name. Yeah, but he's also a very serious looking guy his demeanor He's like mid-sized sedan like he would not choose that rap name now pixel. Yeah, if he was like i'm pixel Yeah, like that's kind of tight or i'm trap remix. Yeah, I would have believed it. That's your fucking. I know It was like he couldn't resist You ever get like he couldn't resist being funny. I know what in the opportunity It's like saying something at a dinner That like is not appropriate. You know, like like that is funny. Like it was funny. Like, yeah, but you don't say it there, bro Oh, I do that a lot. Well, everyone does i'm saying every comedian does my saying my point is like that's what he did

With that character in that movie like he should have just given him a more banal, you know, like not Yeah, yeah, like a real rapper name Like yeah, because every time you're like, why are you giving him this funny name? It's a damn stupid nothing's funny in that movie. No, you're still upset about old No, that character. It's just a character name. Yeah. Yeah, but it's stuck in your craw. You thought about it. I did Yeah, how often do I embarrass you by saying things? out of out of turd It's like, I mean, it's not every week. No, but I mean, it's every season

You say something wrong like this is not when you would say that Season yeah, what's this like a quarter when it's a quarter. Yeah, I would say four times a year. I'm like Why would you don't say that? And you're like, I don't know You you've taught me how to be around people. You're like, I found you in the fucking amazon You did But that's a thing too is I also feel as though as a comedian I I'm exempt from a lot of societal rules. Look at me right now. I'm wearing a mr. T shirt

I have a elacline's Pat on everybody can do this Not at their jobs This is my job bro to wear a mr. T shirt and A cool jacket and talk about diarrhea That's my job That image is still God

Yeah, and you know what else I do. Yeah every email that I send whether it be to our children's teachers school Medical professionals anything says sent from your mom's house. That's pretty cool, too. That's pretty fun. That's fun I feel like it I can be a little more fun. Yeah, that's fun. I'm a comic You know, you need to have fun being a comedian. I think that's really what I'm trying to say. You're right You're right. Where's your glove? Two gloves shit Why two let's look at something funny. You don't watch a funny clip. I'm not strong enough to do this Ah

Yeah, actually cheese. Really? Yeah Oh, you're so strong. Is that your that was a good hand. Thanks Okay, I'm asking him. I love you Oh, shit, fuck Oh Shit Oh my god

Bro, bro They just fucked the feds just crashed into the other feds blood blood I like this accent more than see what happens. I did but I was too taken by his accent. Yeah Blood fam. Do you know what they titled this this clip? cop gets the asian garage treatment That's accurate. Yeah, good job He fucking smashed another officer with a police. He's he's a cop

into another car in sanity. I wonder how often that happens I mean, I don't think that often I'd be so pissed if someone fucking did that to me. Uh, yeah She is she's like, what the fuck? Here's a good question for you. What's more upsetting? Having an accident that you're responsible for like you're doing the the basketball challenge or me falling down the stairs because I'm fucking tired Or having someone else fuck you up What's more upsetting like what's more upsetting the self-flagellation or fucking hating somebody else for messing you up I think you'd be more upset at somebody else, right? Yeah

Well, like you know the stairs like you know, you really that how I beat myself up the minute after it happened And I was there and I was like babe help me up my I've slipped on my ankle And you're like, oh no, that's broken and I looked down and I saw it dislocated. I could have fucking Yeah, I was upset too. I was upset too But I mean dummy if if it had been because of somebody else's negligence or something You'd be more upset I think I would be that someone just did that to me and I'm just standing there doing nothing and then Oh, I'd be so pissed it would eat me alive the revenge

Like I would want to fucking run over that dumb person's foot so hard Yeah, you should be allowed to don't you think if somebody fucks you up like this You should be allowed to take your car and do the same thing to them Yeah Right I don't know I think in england, that's how their legal system works It's um, well, that's not how the english legal system works

Yes, it is I studied the law there What happens is because their their laws were made during the medieval period and so they still allow you to get revenge So that's what you do an eye for an eye revenge might Not true. Yeah, absolutely. You didn't know that Okay, what does this say? I was looking up homo robbie's code. I thought that was the eye for an eye guy. Is it? Looks like I might be wrong. I've not heard of that. What are the two? There's a drop down there. What does that say? if anyone

And snare another putting a band upon him, but he cannot prove it then he that and snared him shall what? Yeah, I think I'm way off way off It's not hannah barbera code What that's just in the bible the bi bl e an eye for an eye a tooth for a tooth I'm just reading what was put up on the screen. I know but I'm castizing him not you Just google an eye for an eye. Why would you google hum hannah barbera's code? God damn it Okay. Oh, look at that. Oh, it is. Well, you were right. I guess someone isn't a

Yeah, we get it Yeah, that's literally mentally retarded not just retard He's so pleased with himself that he got it right for once. That was the first time he's ever done that. Yeah Oh, man, but I would be obsessed with getting revenge You know what really would bum me out is if like a drunk driver fucked with me. Well, yeah, I would be so mad You should be allowed to exact your revenge on A drunk driver, of course Fucking assholes that actually is not a bad idea if they allowed that they should well

There's no reason to drive drunk anymore with like uber and lift and and those cool Motorized scoot scoots that people Use downtown By yeah, exactly. Yeah, no, it's true Um, I wanted to play for you. There's something I had Lined up. Oh homeboy if we never really get to see

anything but kind of aggression from fed smoker clips and This is him actually like having a nice conversation flirting even I like when he gets horny. Yeah Yeah, but this is like not just because sometimes he gets horny and it's like pretty charged up sexual energy but sometimes he's just like Flirting he's a flirty flirty. Do you know what the district attorney's office is? Yeah, it's just downstairs. Okay. Yeah And there's a lady sitting there behind the window. Yeah, and that's how you need to cut your head beautiful. I love it Yeah, uh, I just passed him through town. I thought I would introduce myself because I drive such a crazy car My car gets targeted and everyone's to kill me because I drive such a cool car

That crazy Can you wait? Can you imagine? Being like I'm passing through town and I'd like to meet the district attorney To introduce myself just so they know who the fuck is in town right now It's so bananas Oh, you don't do that when you travel and this actually is all I think about when I when like when this Clip plays Isn't what dr. Drew that thing always plays my head goes to it cocaine runs from uniforms and meth goes towards it

Towards the light. Yeah, and like this guy is passing through town. It was like, where's the district attorney's office? I gotta go to ground zero the guy that would sign off on arresting me I want to go meet that guy and let him know not to target my car because it's fucking crazy car But I like her reaction. She's like oh Yeah, well, she knows she knows she's dealing with crazy right now. Oh, this is this is a way of diffusing There's different tactics because here's a deal. I can see that it started as flattery and she was like, yeah Oh, that's nice. And then he was like when he talked. Yeah, and then she's like, oh Yeah

It just sucks them in like camera All the time They hate my car. It's really It's really quite a Interesting life with everybody hating my car, but you ladies love my car. You know, what is it? That's just a beautiful crown pick. All right. Yeah, it's beautiful. It's a Good memories in it. Uh, heart you live out here. I live here. Uh-huh. That's great. Well, thank you. What's your name? Stephanie

I think you're wonderful, man. I'm so glad we're not in Texas. I see Texas county out there. Oh my god Am I doing in Texas? I got it. I mean, yeah, it is something he uh Also, you forget she's not Acknowledging it, but she certainly sees that he's recording this he's turning the camera But she doesn't look at it, which I think It's also a tactic where you're like, I know that I'm on camera right now, but I'm just not gonna

Don't exaggerate. Yeah. Yeah, because looking at it to him You know when you're whistling when you look at it, they'll be like, are you got a problem with this? Like that's what he's gonna do next. So she's been abused before she knows how to handle it. Well, she's also She's in the you know, some type of legal field. So she's she's dealt with Crazies God, I hate it. God. I feel so it's so he's so awful To deal with you're like You want to tell him?

You know You might go talk to her because I'm she's right behind you are just extremely beautiful. Thank you for being so beautiful I'm sorry. I'm such a wreck today. I'm asking on a date, but I'm sorry I'm tore up in the road. Oh, are you married? No, good There's hope once I get rich from my movie. I'll make I'm gonna come back and marry I'm gonna pick you up in a purple limo Thank you

Oh That's nice to see that side of him. Yeah He was making if he was a filmmaker. We did we know that about well, there's certainly a lot of footage out there. Yeah Maybe it's just a matter of pacing it together Yeah Because he did record his when he would go into like county hall meetings or would have town hall meetings He sure did he would record those and he recorded a lot of records a lot This is so he had the intent of making a documentary at some point

I don't know what it was He did say however mantic and he said when I make my money I'm gonna come back in a purple limo with fire And I'm gonna pick you up. Yeah, that's a nice thing to say to a lady. It sure is she's being courted She's being wooed. He liked her a lot. He liked her. Yeah It's interesting because I wouldn't Suspect that because she doesn't weigh under what is it 120 pounds Right. She looked like a normal billed woman. She was pretty maybe in her 30s. Yeah a brunette

And he didn't he like no scurvy bitches blond 120 pounds He's if you're over 120 he'll be a good sport and let you suck it. He said, right That's so cool. Yeah Yeah, those are his words words. Yeah Nice. Well, thanks for sharing this. It's always fun to bring him back into my my mind made me think of this guy Why you guys want to come on my channel and start stuff calling my names mess mouth

Fuck these teeth put your hands up Yeah Yeah, wow Why does meth do that again? It's like the saliva grinding Grind them down Do they pick up their faces and everything too? Yeah, maybe it tears away at the enamel You know, I think it causes your mouth to be so dry or something and Let's see. Let's look up meth mouth

Okay. Oh gosh Okay Okay Uh characterized by a severe tooth decay and gum disease which often causes teeth to break or fall out. Okay. Well, why? The teeth of people addicted to the methamphetamine are characterized by being black stained rotting crumbling and falling apart The teeth cannot be salvaged. But why? Doesn't say why says the extensive tooth decay is likely caused by a combination of drug induced Psychological and physiological changes resulting in dry mouth and long periods of poor oral hygiene. Yeah, they never it's not like when you're on meth

You're like, I got a floss today. You know, it also says lost yet. It also says meth is insanely acidic Oh What you're meaning to tell me that when they're super tweaked and geeked out they're not like hold on wait a second We can go there if I got a brush and I gotta use mouthwash. Yeah, I don't think it's But that's really interesting. But why not other drug addicts like crack people do crack smokers have people Bad teeth. They they a lot of times have poor dental hygiene. Yeah Never seen a crack head. Yeah, they never like oh, you got nice teeth, man. You got a great smile Yeah, the maintenance issue. I guess it is hard to remember your priorities shift

When you're into math and They crack cocaine. Yeah Um, this is not drug related, but you remember that we met a um an older gentleman with a dog Uh-huh. We were out with the kids and um, we had had lunch somewhere and then we're walking and this guy has a cute little French bulldog, which I love frenchies. Mm-hmm. And so the kids are playing and really happy and He's just like talking to us and then at one point you go. Yeah, we have a uh, a Brussels He's like, oh, what's that? You show him a picture. Mm-hmm. And he's like, oh, that's really cute And he goes, what's your dog's name?

And you go bitsy and he goes, oh biffy And you go no bitsy. He's like biffy's a good name and we're like It's yeah, it's funny because a lot of people don't hear bitsy. Yeah, she's been called bisky A lot of times I hear people go, oh betsy betsy. That's a logical. I'm like, no, no bitsy and they're like, what? I'm like, like a bit like bacon bit bitsy. Yeah, because she looks like a little bacon bit. Yeah. So we call her bitsy Yeah, but bisky was my all-time favorite and actually a year ago is when this lady called our dog bisky And bisky stuck and even the three-year-old goes bisky like we've trained

But now the dog responds to bisky bitsy captain marcel and fuckhead and fuck Yeah, and captain our word And also the president of our words. Oh president president retard. Yeah Yeah She's the sweetest dumbest dog i've ever had but she's really kind sweet little girl. She is but biffy I mean, how the how do you think he even heard biffy and who names a dog biffy and bisky too? That's a dumb one bisky and biffy

I don't even I've never even heard of such a stupid. It just reminds me honestly of my uh father Yeah, who misses says every fucking word. Yeah, like can you read or something? What's going on? Yeah, he but he's he's a native english speaker. Do you think his hearing is bad? No I don't know what's going on the guy that said biffy. I think his hearing wasn't great. Did you go to the buffet? The buffet Don't they have a buffet there? I'm like a buffet He says a lot of stuff

He can't you know, we cannot say it. I guess you could say this is not technically an english word But he can't say concierge. What does he say concierge? concierge Yeah, I mean he says that word a lot to me Maybe he's thinking consiglieri like from the mafia movies or something consiglieri like where um, where are you? Like i'm in chicago Where are you staying at the fucking? The hiat or something whatever

He's like, all right, you should ask the concierge if they have i'm like what you mean the concierge. He's like, yeah And a moment later, he'll be like Have you talked to the concierge yet? I'm like the concierge Yeah, he's so weird with that He's like, yeah, I'm like Yeah, and then the next week with city. I'm in Toronto. Where are you? I'm here. He's like um If you ask the concierge, he could tell you where i'm like dad the word is concierge

There's a like you don't you don't see the g or what are you doing? There's a lot of words that he does tons of words properly jo pesky jo pesky was crazy Now it's nuts jo pesky was fucked up because everybody says jo peshy jo peshy jo peshy You never hear i've never heard never heard. Where did you get this from? He's like jo pesky. He's a good actor. I'm like jo pesky jo pesky Because i've seen I've heard jo peshy more than i've heard jo pes than rid read his name. You know i'm saying like i've heard the name Pesci pesci pesci and then to see it written out. I'm like, oh, okay. What are some other ones he mispronounces

Oh, I know. I think I had a list at one point. I know it's so upsetting He says washington. Yeah, a lot of people do. Yeah, but he actually missed Like pronounces a lot of names Names are one name like people's names As what he gets wrong a lot. Yeah Today's episode is brought to you by whoop the personalized digital fitness and health coach Monitor your recovery sleep training and health with personalized recommendations and coaching

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I've never been disappointed by anything from manscape Get 20 off and free shipping by going to manscape.com slash mom That's 20 off with free shipping at manscape.com slash mom clean up your candy cane this year with manscape Can I tell you what happened to me? Yeah, I went to the fart messy To get my subscription filled Yeah, and the fucking pharmacist, bro The pharmacist walks up to the you know, there's that stupid plastic whatever plexiglass Shit and I noticed she's got a mask on

But her mouth there's a whole cut In the there's a fucking hole cut out like it's a cloth mask And there's a hole where her mouth is And I'm like doesn't like are you protesting the mask? What is that? What are you doing like then just don't wear it She had to have known right. She's a medical person and you don't know That was the fucking most bizarro thing I've ever seen that is definitely I mean, that's obviously deliberate. You know what you're doing. You know what you're doing You think she's better like what I have a mask on

Yeah, you think it's like the employer telling her that she has to wear a mask and she's like I will but fuck you. I'm gonna do it my way. You know like yeah That was so fucking weird. I've never seen that before I know It's I mean, I've seen people Have you seen anyone get berated on a plane yet for not wearing it? Yeah, no, I'd like to though I've seen somebody they've just aggressively reminded What do you mean because flights they still take it pretty seriously sure

No, just somebody um being like mask you need to wear your like I've heard of the flight attendant Be like, yeah, you're not eating right now. So you need to put your mouth like that. Oh, gosh Yeah, I don't like that. Um, I don't know I kind of like them on planes because you're like that's where you get sick all the time is inhaling people's disgusting cold All the juices. So I'm not so opposed, but it's so gross after hours of sitting on a plane like Your mouth already tastes like dog shit. Yeah, I know and then you get off and you're just been breathing in your own You got to have on in the airport like that. That's the best thing is getting outside. I know No, you want to see some wild shit always we've been

Visiting the steam time and again the name of the show wild shit Oh I've seen this guy that we've pulled these videos. I know I know the fucking thing smacks that milkshake He's like the liger nuts, dude. That thing looks so strong. It is It's not just an illusion. No Yeah, it's all muscle dude. It's just muscle with fur. It's such an insane thing to Fuck I'd hate to have this thing as a pet. Oh my god. What is this thing sleeping shitting? Look at those eyes, too

Just death death daggers. Do you think he sleeps with this thing on his bed? I don't know It definitely protects him night night lager. That's his daddy. Yeah. Yeah, I mean that's swat If that would have been the guy's arm Let me see it again. Bye-bye arm Jesus christ You can't Listen Oh

Dude, look at the paw the paw is bigger than that guy's like leg. Yeah. Yeah That's really insane. Fucking idiot. That is gnarly shit Fucking amen. Does it this thing shit in his backyard? I don't know. I don't know how I get maintained this Shitting. I don't know how you maintain this. Does he put down newspaper? Is there a crate? Like what is he doing? I don't know. This looks like I'm sure it's probably like a fucking dupai or something, you know They just shit out in the desert. Well, he's just like I have eight Ferraris. I don't know what else to do That's what Mike Tyson did. You know, he was like, yeah tiger

I have it in my car. Is that what it is? You so much money. You just don't know what to spend it on anymore What's what I get the dopamine rush from now. Yeah, I think you're a wild animal. Yeah I have to say that's the last thing I would ever bring into the house. I am not interested in wild animals. That's good That's good My pussy does not ever stink. Oh my god Well, I don't I mean really? Oh, we're not real gonna have this time Well good for her. Yeah, and she's old. She's been around a lot. Yeah She says that's cool. Pussy doesn't stink. There are stinky ones. There are stinky ones. Yeah, my pussy doesn't stink. No

Only if I'm working out and you know, there are just like these Stinky posies that are out there Is that true? Yes. Just some women just have a natural I mean, it's all like you're in interior, you know internal chemical Balance, but like, yeah, and then there's ones where you're like, you know, I've been putting my nose in this thing for a while And I don't smell a thing Do you think that vaginas are like dad mouths where when they get older Like, you know, dad mouths just stink over time. You're rotting in there and it's only men

I've noticed that their mouths get real stinky. How come women I've not smelled a dad a mom mouth I think it's more neglect Yeah, I think it's more neglect Like they just like meth heads. They don't just in general it goes. You know what it goes to It goes to like little things like sometimes you'll be like You've said to me Oh, like you you haven't uh Look at the look at your eyebrow hairs or like look at that thing on your

Face, I'm like, what and you go, don't you look at your face? I'm like, no Not really like I passed by a mirror. Sure. But like So I think what my point is that like a woman Women Most women really spend time like examining themselves What no that the examine yourself Leads into hygiene men's level of even looking at ourselves. Like we don't put on makeup That's why

Like I don't shave, you know, I shave like just like little parts of my face. You shave your eyes out of your head Yeah, that's it. The beard doesn't grow as dry balls. So when you're when you're at that level of like Neglect. Yeah. So you miss things, you know, and then I think if we actually paid attention to our I bet you guys that like really maintain their looks Also have great dental hygiene Definitely, you know, my dental hygiene is fair. Like I I floss I brush You do brush, but I don't go like I'm not like super

On top of it. I'm gonna go to the dentist, you know, if you and I weren't together Yeah, you probably would neglect your dental hygiene a lot more. I'd probably neglect a lot of things Yeah, you would just be a dog We talked about this. Yeah, like on our anniversary. Like you would just probably Be a weird alone guy. You wag. Yeah, definitely. You think so? Yeah Yeah, I do like I I'd like to think that you would date A lot, but I don't think so. I don't You don't seem like the type to put out energy

at getting girls mm No, I'm serious. No, I think you're probably probably right because do you remember when we were courting we're dating and I was like Hey, Tom, are you gonna go to this party? I'm gonna be there and that was kind of like a hey I like you should you know shithead come To this party and then you didn't show up to the party and I was like, hey, why weren't you there? And you're like, oh, I fell asleep on my couch The night didn't go and I believed you I was like, well, that sounds like you

Yeah, like you'd rather sleep than go and get laid that night. I remember one time this girl came uh, she saw me perform somewhere and uh Man, I mean I was so new but afterwards she was like Do you want to come over? And I was like, man, I'm fucking hungry right now and

Uh, I was like, um, maybe later Yeah, and then the next day she was like, do you do you not find me attractive? And I was like, what? She was like, you don't find me attractive. I go. Oh, no, I do. It was actually that night. Sorry. It was later that night She goes, oh like I was offering you to come over and I was like, oh, but I was just like super hungry So I went and I got a burger. Yeah She was like, oh, yeah, I was like, but I still think you're pretty hot Yeah, I sensed that about you which is why I kept encouraging you

to You know, come on Let's go out. Let's have some fun. Yeah, I probably would be like a weird guy, right? Yeah Yeah Like I think a girl would really have to Make it abundantly clear like, hey, I'm interested. I like you and then you'll be like, yeah But you're also very selective I don't see you just no, I wouldn't be a hoe. I wouldn't be hoeing. Yeah, I really wouldn't no

I don't see that joke about it, but I really I don't think I would I also just don't see you liking many People in the world You're very, um Particular I'm serious like you're especially with women. I think you You and I work because there's a particular a particular alchemy. Yeah at hand. Mm-hmm. Yeah Yeah, it doesn't work without any people. No I mean, I can only think of a few people that I really liked

I know and I'm saying like over the course of my life like went like found of course women attractive But I'm saying that I go like I really really like this person. I know I think that it's like three I I that's what I'm telling you maybe four And then maybe seven maybe no, no That's like who you stick it in. I'm talking about who you really Like like really like connect, you know, it's a very low number Well, I think because um, you're a very bright guy And you need somebody who's a little mentally challenging not mentally challenged, which is what I am too, but

somebody who's a little You know A little like hello. This is Captain Marcel. My sister went down. I'm going down into the mountain. Yeah God, I miss her. No, there has to be you're right. There has to be intellectual stimulation Sure You have to be able to have lots of conversations long time for a lifetime. Yeah Yeah, it'd be emotionally stimulated physically. It's a lot of things it is. It's crazy when somebody like is like, oh No, I don't think about this stuff. I'm like, what?

Yeah, it's just some Dayton now for just hot. Yeah. That's it. It's like Leo Leonardo. They can't really requires Minimal connection. Maybe he thinks like maybe guys like that think of it as like I don't want anything but Like but the physical stuff. Yeah And yeah And maybe that's why it only like he's just on a rotation because that gets boring like after a while So he's like, oh, he's gotta get a new one

Yeah, the physical stuff. Yeah, and you just need physical is is exciting and then the beginning and then it tapers Off unless you're us. Yeah, and then We'll get better better looking naked every year That's the good thing about being in a dog shit shape when you're young See all of my skinny friends like my high school friends are all skinny. They're all fat fucking sure like they just like look like shit But I looked like shit early So I can keep getting better. Yeah, that's pretty exciting. So lucky. Yeah. Yeah, I'm on a decline Oh, what can you do? I had a good run on decline. Yeah. I mean, I'm not 20 anymore. It's okay though. I'm fine. I've had two kids

Fuck shit up down there Well, I'll tell you because I weigh the same as that I did when we lived in Silver Lake But it doesn't carry the same. It doesn't look the same. Yeah, you know, right? You're just like That's weird. I like it. But I like I like how I look naked. It's just you can't compare yourself to your younger self No, you just can't you have to forget That's just life. Yeah, man Damn Yeah

What was that? No, I just I mean all of us um It's weird to not accept aging too. I heard that this thing one time was that basically you should try To the to look the best you can for your age. Yeah, and that's like a reasonable thought right, so you go like You shouldn't try to look 21. Yeah at 41. Yeah, because it's fucking you'll you'll never reach it But you can try to be the best 41 you can be you know for sure Like and then and you should and those standards will at 51 will change again. Oh for sure Yeah, you just got to fight the fight you got to stay in the fight

You can't just throw in the towel and be like fuck it You have to try to look decent That's yeah care care. Give a shit. Just give a shit dude start getting better clothes better clothes It really does the older you get like now you can like when you're in your 40s and you're getting your 50s You can like dress like a distinguished person. Mm-hmm. Yeah It's so true It's so true now that I buy like nicer things. It's just they fit better They last longer

And they make your body look better. Yeah, because when you're 20 you can just put on a fucking You know pillowcase and you look hot. Yeah, not It was a reason like men too, especially like an older man Every guy looks good in a suit every guy. Yeah, that's true suits fix a lot They really do fitted suits suits that fit you properly get a tailor get a fucking tailor Tailor also for jeans. Yeah, that's so true People think that like you you don't have to have them custom made but you can have a A tailor just tapered the pants

The hem that whatever and all of a sudden it looks like they were made for you. I know so important No, it doesn't cost a lot. No, it's 10 bucks. You can go down to the dry cleaner and they can just pin something for you Pretty good. I know just fit make your clothes fit make it fit um Make your jeans fit like the jeans they are Did I tell you this story? I don't think I told you this I was trick-or-treating with the boys on hollow jeans And I was Cruella Deville

And we go up to the neighbors You know trick-or-treat yard, whatever the fuck And the guy goes, oh, I like your costume and I go, oh, thanks. I just got on amazon and he goes no amazon No amazon and I was like, okay um Target I got it at target. Is that okay? And he was like, yeah, target's fine. No amazon they're evil. I was like, all right, dude That's always interesting to meet that person. I know the person who's gonna take down

You know bezos The whatever is the most popular thing in the world. It's like I don't support mcdonald's. Okay They go for it. They don't care. They don't care that you don't don't worry about I don't do apple products It's good It's your thing. I get it. Yeah, I would go. I would go to the apple store But I don't want to deal with the fucking hour wait I know Well and like the disorganized chaos of like, oh, yeah, somebody will just come for you whenever they're ready

It's like just give me a line. Can is there a line? Yeah, there's no there's no order their store is terrible Terrible. It's terrible. It's a horrible experience. It's a horrible experience And it's always crowded. I love their products. I've been a loyal customer. Same's it is the worst experience Is to go into an apple store. Yeah, it is absolutely chaos It's worse than the dmv. It is. I mean, it is just a fucking the the arrogance the smug fucking arrogance Of that company and their employees the way they're the shitty little fucking grins I know when you ask them any

I had did you make an appointment to ask me a question? Hey fuckhead. I know Just answer the goddamn quit. Well, stand at this table and someone will come over. Maybe. Yeah, when will someone come over? Whenever it's like, no, no, no, don't I have anxiety. Don't do that. Just stand here and wait for somebody. What are you doing? What are you doing? What and what a horrible Fucking policy It's like you can only do it because you're that popular which I get it and like maybe one day They will not I don't know. Maybe I don't know if it's in our lifetime, but like you have to have Such demand for you or that flip it. Yeah, the public. They're just the worst. They don't care

I agree. Their customer service is absolute dog. But I still go like, yeah, I bought the fucking laptop the phone But you know what I do? I won't go into the store Sometimes you just feel like you have to or like you just that's the worst is when there's like somebody Like stand there like hey, can I help you and you're like, yeah, like um, I'm having trouble with uh Like connecting like a basic thing like these um Airpods don't connect. Yeah, so, um, let me get your name. Like, well, do you know how it works? Yeah, just help me a thing I can do and they're like you I don't work it Someone will come over and you're like you're just drawing this out. Like, you know the answer

Just fucking say the answer man. I know like there should just be a line like a service line Can I get a charger for this thing and they're like, um So I'm gonna uh, uh raven will come over. Yeah a little while talk to you You know what too is I'll tell you what I do with my phone I put this ugly Otter box on there. It's like a super mom thing. So if I drop it burn water Yeah, and then and then I buy on amazon my sorry target on my own thing

I buy the cover the glass cover and I put it on myself just so that I don't break this and have to go to the apple store That's this is the lengths I take to not go to the apple store Fuckin nightmare hunts. Yeah, the dmv is better. Especially here in texas. I had a delightful time getting my id Small town dmv is for the shit. This is not small town, but small town ones are the shit. Yeah, for sure the best one is in Viro, we go there. I bet just walk in and someone's like help you You got a hardware store. You're like, I need my registration. They're like, all right Walk up take care of it in like 10 minutes easy peasy easy Lemon squeezy, you know, I don't like

Self check out. Oh, yeah. First of all the transaction never goes smoothly because I always trip up the thing It's like you need to ask the attendant for help. Why? Yeah, or it'll be like put the item in the baggage area. I'm like, it's fucking there. Why does it not sense that I'm not stealing I always feel like I'm being watched for being dishonest or something and I'm like, but I'm I'm not being dishonest. I just I tripped up the thing You know what I like to do in those places is you go like hey, did this thing go through and they'll be like, yeah I'm like, yeah, you know one time I was here. I took a bunch of stuff and it none of it

The code did me. So I just left with it. I just left with a bunch of stuff And they're like what I'm like, I stole a bunch of stuff Yeah, I've stolen I've stolen a bunch of things from you guys Okay, sir, you ever did you ever tell people that you stole from them? No I do that. You do? Yeah. And how does that go for you? They're like, okay Um, there's a lot of times they shut down. You know, yeah, I would yeah I'm like, why are you telling me this now? I do that to a lady one time. I was like, oh, you know, I've I've stolen a jewelry from here before And she was like, okay

She kind of looked around and I was like, yeah, I just like to steal Can you imagine stealing in this day and age? It's got to be so hard with all the cameras But it's still done in crazy amounts. I know how how I don't know. I asked this a lot of times too. I'll go to uh Like in a department store or something. I'll be like, how was I'm talking to like a salesperson? Like how prevalent is stealing? They're like Like it is a major major issue still. I know and then there's sensors on things. I know I asked that at like a designer store and they're like, yeah, it's still gets done here all the time And then you're like, but you have to like unlock things. I know when when I worked in real retail

I worked in a few retail stores. You know what a pain in the every item you have to Take off the magnet. Sometimes they have the ink ones that'll explode if you try to take them off yourself And it'll ruin the garment. Yeah, I mean it's it's I don't know One time when I worked on melrose. I worked at a retail store There was a guy that would come park his car because we're right on the corner and then he would jerk off Every single day and look at us in the cashier area. It's fucking so hot. I know And I would we call the police every day same time the guy would come and jerk off, but it was la I mean no one gives a shit. Yeah

It's also you got to applaud someone that can get an erection and perform in that kind of situation. Oh, and it was melrose and Rad redford. It was like right where the art works was. Yeah, but like Be able to perform is a big deal. Yeah In that situation a lot of stress high stress situation. Can you get an erection right now? Can you but that's what gives him the erection is the stress which doesn't make sense at all I mean, can we just take a moment to? It's pretty cool, man I know

Yeah, that's what uh, what uh, rocko when I when he was at that taping. Yeah, you're hero He was with another guy who was like a porn director And they were he was talking about how great of a performer rocko is he goes He's like, yes, you know It's it it's 10 degrees outside But we have to shoot the scene and he's like I don't take appeal nothing And the guy was like it's true He's amazing

Like it's shakespeare. Yeah, it's so important. It's too hot. It's cold. It's uncomfortable He's like rocko's always ready and we were like wow man that is really that is but he is one of the greats He's one of the greats watch watch his work and now he's what in his 60s. I don't know if he's in the 60s Well, he's close. He's probably yeah, I mean listen rocko safari is a fantastic porn star He's one of the greats 57 57 years old and this guy's still still still out there stuff in box stepping on necks choking girls out Yeah, but isn't that why I mean but look but but listen there's a parallel to stand-up comedy too Santa everybody can be funny. Yeah

Everybody is capable of being funny in the comfort of their own home office. It's the difference The difference is you're funny on command True time two hours a night in every city and you and your wife just gotten to a fight And your your dog is gonna die in a week because he has cancer And you fucking go out there and you still do it. That's the difference. It actually you make a great point It is and people ask me the most they go They'll be like, I'm funny or like my friend's funny. Yeah, everybody's friend is funny. No, but they go, you know How does he make it and we go? Well, that's the difference

Maybe he's only funny offstage. Yeah, maybe he's funny on stage too. Yeah, that's where you have to try But there's a huge difference between funny at dinner And funny on stage. Yeah, I think people don't realize that to be a professional Comedian it the word professional means you have to overcome all these obstacles And to do it on command when you don't feel like it and the sex worker. That's what essentially are. Yeah You know That's the thing is that they're they're I don't even know what they're like In their personal lives, but like professionally

It's like there's lights and there's cameras and there's a stranger and that you know, you have to have And the smells the smells and the fucking I always think about when the girls have their periods too You know, you're bloated. Maybe I won't feel like being naked and you still got to show up You have cramps and you just put something, you know, you plug up the oh you pay I would cancel like I can't work today. Yeah, you're naked on your period getting fucked. That's the worst I mean, I can barely tell jokes and tight slacks that night and this poor but bitch has to get Railed. Yeah, I always think about too. It's like these guys these porn guys where I'm like Do you ever like just not feel like it?

Yeah, I mean you're like, yeah, it's exciting if I get it But you're like you have your day where you're like, I don't well that you've had diarrhea all day like that guy Yeah, and you're like, I still have to fuck. Yeah I know what if you're just not into the person? That's a real thing Yeah, what if you're repulsed by them and you're like, I don't want to fuck that Was it I watched one of those like uh hbo things where they asked the guy that and he was like, yeah, you have to take your mind somewhere else, you know Start thinking about someone who does do it for you. Yeah That's rough because I've even you know, you just I can't I have a hard time being just in a room with somebody

Who I really really don't like. Yeah, I can't fake it. You know me. You're always like, could you just pretend? Yeah, to not hate that person. I'm like, yeah I don't fucking hate them. Yeah, so bad Okay, I'll show you something else. Yeah, that's a little more fun Like Oh That's pretty cool It's a cool sport. You know what I love about this. This is what they do in like, yeah shitty countries

Or there's nothing else going on. He's like, I'll stand between these cars And you guys just go as fast as you can towards me. Yeah, it's like, yeah See if I can take it. This is what they do like in the ukraine for fun. There's nothing going on Oh, he's back He's like, look what I did like what I did to these cars Let's get some bruises. He's a big fuck He's never cried ever this guy. He doesn't access emotions. No It's awesome. This is awesome. Yeah, big fan. Wow. Pretty cool, right? Yeah, that was really impressive. Thank you for showing that to me

It's so dumb One of the dumbest things I've seen. I like it. Yeah Oh, it's my favorite time Last week there was some Bitch here I go. Oh man, you really liked it. I thought you liked the book shelving guy I did. There were some other ones I didn't like but we'll see what you did this week Oh, women don't love you guys. I'm just let you know. This is how it works. They receive love. We give love They don't return it back. They do us favors and then guess what they're off back shopping

They all back trying to have it all they off back at their career You're just there to just feel a little bit of time and avoid and then she's on to the next dude What do you think? I think he's very hurt. Yeah I think he's had some bad relationships. Do you think you think women are capable of giving love? I think so But it's funny when when people give advice like this, you realize that they're always just talking from their experience Yeah, they're just talking into the void into their own mind I mean if if this guy kept talking if somebody was like listening and

Prompting the next question. He would end up in tears. No. Yeah Yeah, I just think it's pretty funny though. I'm like women don't have feelings. They just want to shop and you're like, that's not That's your experience. Yeah, that's who he's dated. You're dating shitty ladies. Yeah. She don't love you I don't love you That's cool. It's cool and not cool at the same time Because I oh man, they really do this stuff. I know these are Chinese monks. Fucking amen What the fuck are you doing putting weights on your junk? The fuck is wrong with you? Why what is this supposed to achieve? Zen peace that how's that peace?

I don't you you're over. Okay. The whole the point is to Okay, you're you're remaining equanimous equanimous Equanimous through suffering. That's life. You want to keep your equilibrium when life is rough He doesn't get any rougher than weights on your junk You can stay chill during this. You can handle anything in life. Good point. I think that's the point, right? I mean, I don't know, but I like the way where you went with it. I don't know. I just made it up There's another guy continuation from

Last week this guy tried it out. No Yeah It's a cool guy trend That's just the cool guys are all doing this right now on the talk Wow So you're seeing this a lot. Uh-huh one cool guys started it and now the other cool guys get on board. They all like it Whatever that was gonna hit him up. It's funny when you see uh, yeah I like lally looking at guys like this their handle, you know 1946 tony walton. Were you born in 1946?

Yeah, sounds like it Talk to me. Do you think that how many women out there would be like nice work? I'd like to see what that's like. Yeah, all of them. He's getting all the cool chicks Oh You know, maybe top dog has a point Yeah Here's a deal though that sauce looks so good. It can make anything taste good That should probably taste really good with that sauce that you couldn't get you couldn't get me though

Come on. Yeah How much how much to eat one of those? Yeah, dog Ah I'll be I'll I'll be reasonable. Yeah, don't be like a million. I'll be reasonable to take to have one of those with the sauce Right, but just one of those. What are they? What are the worms grubs? Larvae, I do for five 500. No, five thousand. Yeah, I'd do it for 1000. I think How many would you eat though? You have to eat five Oh

No, I said for one for one. Yeah, hey, but you have to eat five of them. Why and I'll give you five thousand a piece 25 grand. Okay I'll do it. All right. All right I'll do it to do Oh that monkey's grooming him It's not cute. He's a pet monkey and the monkey's grooming him That's cute. You know, I kind of wish we had a monkey just to do that Can I tell you like your tiktoks a lot of times give me so much anxiety

Um That's how much fun you're gonna have. I'm like uh and then I'm like Like I breathe after I'm like that was nice. This is a monkey because you're fucking instagram stories are a ride Like sometimes it's really sad and really fucked up. Thank you No, it's well. I've also been adding a new feature now Where I learned how to stitch the videos. Do you know what that is when you're side by side with them? No, tom. That's duetting dummy. Okay What's stitching god so stupid

What's stitching stitching is when you play a part of the video and then you have your part after Oh, okay, so I do that now I give my special reaction. You guys can see those in my stories Very cool. Come on I don't know what you're talking about Now Just What What

What About About You just put this Talking I don't know feel Now you put this This k become

You just talking talking Yeah, come on, the last one You just read what you are Of course you don't feel Now just turn it into Jewel Chinese Jewel

I'm going to add all your skills now Put it in and read it again. Let's see if it's different. Come on. One, two, three I don't know what you're talking about What Is it different? Is it good? Hey, hey, did I say that? I want to learn more English knowledge. Remember to pay attention. That's cool, right? Super rad

Fucking awesome, right awesome. I'm so excited. I could watch this Forever. I like that you because she first she says it like a total foreigner and then he he's like Yeah, for people that are just listening What it is is it's a it's a language coach instructor to somebody. I guess that's mandarin or candy. I don't know if it's mandarin but I you know, uh, I think it's I think it's mandarin and He's with a student so he speaks Perfect english and mandarin And then the student is one saying it like, you know all as it says out of whack or whack

whack But you can tell that there it's everybody does this She's saying english words with an intonation an accent that is Common if you speak mandarin, right? Just like if you were to speak Spanish You you do it americanized exactly and then he's like he's giving her tricks based on what he knows she knows To speak english properly. He said drop your teas. I don't know what she was like. She was saying like she was like

Don't uh, she was like about what uh, yeah, he's like stop it here. That's a cool. Yeah, and then jur He said instead of saying yours a jur what jur talking about that's pretty rad. Yeah, I thought that was interesting Very cool. Yeah. Yeah, these are good ones. I like that. Yeah the educational ones. Yes and then it's not some Panic inside Not so much sadness inside. You don't like guys with pulmonary failure Licking the air and stuff Yeah, well, that's what I liked for a few reasons. It's a dad. It's a dad fart

And when he laughed the fart changed. Yeah, that's cool. That's pretty cool. Yeah, I enjoyed it. Yeah I want to make love on the back of a speedboat doing a hundred miles an hour With some straps wrapped around me in there so we can't get separated But I want to do it with my face between her legs Timberland wild in these days I do love his zeal for her and his voice is awesome. Yeah, that guy's an awesome voice He needs to do voice over and this is was it on thursday? Was it horny thursday? Yeah, so this is the beginning of the weekend and the the talks get so horny by thursday

It starts and then by sunday night. We are in a horny frenzy on the talk. Yeah. Yeah That's when all the cool guys come out and do the licking the air stuff There we go, baby Just give me some sugar I don't have diabetes sugar would be just I He doesn't have diabetes. I didn't like that at all. Of course not. This is horny saturday night That's like the horniest, right? This is

Horny isn't when the wheels come off. It's like because they've had time off work They've gotten drunk on friday night saturday. They're laying around alone waiting to get drunk on saturday night. Yeah It's like I just mean this dick, you know, and then by sunday. It's just a frenzy Wow, very cool. Yeah, I got it This goes out to all the mommies out there My queen's above 18 How are we doing this morning? It is saturday morning in the ohio area and it is beautiful out I want you guys to get your feet on the ground and take off running

Go down get you a nice hot breakfast. Enjoy the day and have fun. Thank you. You guys are beautiful I love my queen's above 18. My king's above 18. You take care of them queens today I love you guys. Have a good day what What do you notice about this particular talk different But pacifically what do you notice? Um, you can't see his face I normally just yeah, that's so dark. I usually Like I don't really listen to the king's whole thing because it's the same stuff over and over

Yeah, like he'll make talks specifically for me and I'll just be like no, I don't want to hear this anymore But this one piqued my interest because it's fully black I mean, let's just say his face is yeah, you can see the light. No for somebody listening. It's not a pitch black It's just that it's so like he didn't take into account that the laying down And at this angle no light hits his face. No light. No light. No light and let's make some videos I want to see him. I want to laugh and

I mean, he's done enough of these to know that lighting and sound are important. There's a train that goes by in the bg Yeah, and I mean, baby. So do you think I mean Okay, ready Yeah, one more. Oh finale Good morning tiktok again Well, I've done a few things this morning so far as I posted earlier. Yeah, I went about five miles Run this morning. I went to walmart to buy some things hundred bucks

Uh came home Uh went to the car wash. Oh watch my truck Now I came home. I cut my tree. Wow got most of it, but not all of it. There's some pieces I can't pick up Now I'm going to go To buy me a new phone because my phone keeps reconnecting On whatsapp. I just keeps reconnecting reconnecting. I think I'm about to get a new phone Someone head out to get a new phone. So here's my outfit for today. It's cool. But you know me I love shorts Short short shorts all the time

So be blessed. Have a great day. Make it awesome. See you later. Bye That was good. Listen that guy does way too much for a saturday. I mean, yeah, relax But also such an inspiration to chris larson. I think too Most importantly, I think we know what the theme is for the next and we need chris and shorts Yeah, yeah chris larson has to wear shorts next Even if it's cool outside, I like to wear him in shorts and his loafers How much he likes and you know me. I like my shorts Oh wait, we have to have chris run down when he's done that day

Well, he's done that day and then he's like and he has to end it with like, you know me. I love wearing shorts Here's my outfit Fucking stupid outfit He bless his heart though tom. Yeah, he is so sweet and this guy is so consistent with his talks And let me tell you he does look better from when he started Because he's been working out consistently and he's been dieting and he posts all of his workouts And i'm real proud of him. I'm proud of him too. And i'm proud of how productive he is on his saturday He's like, I could try to kid up all the tree, but i'm gonna need a helper for that

Get all of it. Okay. That's a lot of shit to do and he's not young Too much shit to do on a saturday. What are you doing? Let's wrap this up. Oh geez. Okay. I love you Happy thanksgiving. Happy tgz. Do you too? It's thanksgiving tomorrow. It is. Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving What are you thankful for? Nothing and then I'm gonna give a fuck about shit Okay, man You're a real Scrooge McDuck. You know, I'm not thankful for anything and um Well, i'm thankful for you and for studio jeans

And for the booth boys and for this beautiful one ton of obey. I'm glad one of us is You I'm thankful for all that stuff too. It's um Sounds real sincere. I am I am thankful for all of it and um I'm gonna get some coffee now. Okay. I love you Love you too. Bye. Happy thanksgiving. Thanksgiving closing song is called waspises by stoner stag wasps I

Drink water drink water There you go You like me You Hi mommy, thanks jeans. Thank you for watching this episode of your mom's house And if you had a great time watch more videos here here here Don't forget to subscribe here here here so that you will know when your mom's house video comes out Immediately. Thanks jeans