Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 633 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: December 8, 2021

Become a paid channel member of YMH to experience an AD-FREE version of the show here : https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYIgiXwJck_Pb5Nj-wIrsqg/join SPONSORS: - Visit https://ExpressVPN.com/yourmom and get an extra three months FREE. - Download the DoorDash app and enter code YMH for 25% off and zero delivery fees on your first order of $15 or more. - Go to https://Brooklinen.com and use promo code house for $20 off with a minimum purchase of $100. - Go to https://WHOOP.com and get 15% off when you use the code MOM at checkout. - Go to http://LIQUIDIV.COM and use code MOM at checkout to get 25% off ANYTHING you order! - Go to https://JoinFightCamp.com/HOUSE to get an additional pair of gloves for free and save over $200. Pull them up all the way over your head! This week Tom Segura and Christina P start off with discussing twins, if Tom actually has fun, and the differences between how the main mommies raise the boys. We open the show with a clip of a super cool guy hitting on ladies at the gym and causing a scene. Is he the son of FedSmoker? We then watch clips of a lunatic crusading for acceptance and understanding of a super stigmatized group, an enraged Uber driver, and we talk about wild bumper sticker culture. We see Patty's doppelganger give a sermon, discuss why compliments from black people are the best kind of compliment you can get, and we try to find a video of an Asian guy crushing "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston. Will Nadav find it? We have a new video from "I turn into a telescope" guy and he's got some information to share with us. We go through a few Horrible or Hilarious and a fun bunch of Christina's TikTok curations.

I mean because I mean god I know I'm not gonna say this tactfully and then you guys are gonna want to edit this out but Go for it Okay, um Oh My house it isn't breezy listening we can download it for fuck's sake Christina P. Thompson. Go look keep your pants high and white down with disinfected bath. Why that's right? Oh, I love the disgust pool. We can write in the house put the same shit you got on us and fuck you and the friendly They laugh until you get up and drop your clothes talking shit. Mom is in the fucking stands. Don't give them a story

Retarded big words. It's worth the less. It's me dick. Just disturb. You know, we probably try to disrespect me in my house And grab the fuck grab the fuck remote control. How's your mom's? She's good likes the bourbon though. How's your mom's now? Sits kiss a girl we show how's your mom's now good the fuck you think how's your mom's now pull up the seat How's your mom's now? This shit is big time Mom's house podcast Oh Yeah, my goodness great the trip down memory lane that's joe double

Wow, he made uh, he made the first Like I think fan made song. Is that right the very first I think so or at least the one that we played I think because he made another song that was like, uh, your mom's house Like the official song it was like the first time a fan had sent in um, you know like a Like a fan made song that was You know produced and he wrote like lyrics specific to the show Crazy, we would play it as I forget it's either an intro or a closing all the time. Mm-hmm. I wish I could yeah, well

That was awesome. Very double. I remember that That was a good one reminds me of pizzicato five pizzicato five drinkies I'm a da da da da Yeah, similar. Sorry. I said that wrong. I've been saying words wrong all the time. Yeah Similar similar you say that. Mm-hmm. How do you say that? Why do you say similar? Why? well What did I hear that from? I don't know I Simulars how people say it incorrectly correct. Yeah, correct that you say that

You incorrectly say that correctly. Yeah I like that one I wonder what it was that A lot of people say that though. It's very common. I don't believe how big a dick was Are you talking about your brother? No, I wasn't talking about my brother. I feel like um, what's his name says it's a truck driver My queen is above anything if you found two brothers attractive. Would you want to sleep with them? Um to compare notes. Yeah, I would identical twins would be

Ideal ideal. I would love to sleep with two identical twins and see if their dongs are identical. They are Are you sure? Yeah, we've talked about this. I know but that was the official medical verdict. Yeah Yeah, I'd like to compare notes and be like I wonder Um, they could be different Lovers right but they would be identical bodies. That would be so cool Yeah, and then I could go to each of them for different moods. I was in like like oh, he's more aggressive I'm in the mood for that that charles today or whatever and then tomorrow is tony Tony's more of a thoughtful lover, you know, and they I'm sure they both have their different specialties. Yeah

Yeah, that would be great. You know, it should be legal to marry two identical twins That's a something we could talk to congress about I mean if you see about it identical twins don't have like a special set of rights for them and they should They're being discriminated against kind of feels like it now that we're talking about it everybody's rights I mean, you know, you can now choose to be x as your gender on on the driver's license Yeah, looks like we're we're thinking of those folks before we think of identical twins. That's so true How annoying do you think it is to be an identical twin? Oh, you want to call the sclar brothers up? Oh my god I

Bet I mean, but they have a little kid. It's fun. No they embrace. Yeah, it's a little kid It's fun. You dress alike and everybody's like, oh, yeah, but then you you get older. I'm sure I mean Thing is they really are so close. Yeah, they seem to enjoy it Yeah, but I wonder if they've all they can't have always enjoyed that especially growing up when you're trying to differentiate Like who am I? Who are you? What are you like? I'm sure everybody just assumes they're the same person Yeah, in addition to looking the same and that's just not I wonder if their wives are attracted to the other one That's that's really fascinating to that's interesting because you're looking at the same person

It's just it shows you how much personality affects things because It's the same person with a different personality. You know what I mean? Yeah, I do That's only that's the only difference that they have a little different personality. Now the weird one would be the there's identical twins who Like share the same interests have the same opinions have the same voice And in that case I would ask somebody dating one. How could you how are you not into the other? Right. It's a duplicate and in that case they should be legally allowed to marry both. Yeah However, but now you've sold me on the scalar brothers scenario

Because if they're both different, it's like like I'm attracted to you physically But what if I had like a different version of you and then on days when you just like were annoyed with me Or you want to be left alone? I could just go to your other your twin. Yeah, but that's a different person though Yeah, yeah, but but like okay, but there's two times like there's one time It's like let's go have fun and like ride our jet skis and then there's there's you. You know what I mean? Just kind of no fun, you know But I still like you sometimes podcast in a row Where it's pointing out that I'm not fun

By different people well that work here different people. Yeah. Yeah You're fun in your own way though. That's not a compliment That's like saying telling someone you're beautiful in your own way. That's true That's true. Can I tell you when you are fun though? some I I sometimes when you'll you'll do a silly dance with me and you'll be like do do do do and you'll do it in the house back There are there times when you're into it Yeah

There are times like with a dog or with the kids you'll have fun the kids. I have a lot of fun with them Yeah, it was actually as much as they made me want to step in front of a bus over the last time I was with them um I have a lot of fun with them Especially because we do a lot of like throwing around and like I hold them upside down Yeah, and walk them around they love that. That's just a lot of fun. That's that is exclusively dad behaviors I cannot do that with those kids. I saw a man Traveling with his little two and a half year old daughter

And he was doing the same. He like had her over his shoulder. He was like Just and you're like, oh my god, like the mom would not yeah be approving. They love it. They love it They would wear me out. They have and that when I was at my edge. I couldn't do any more I go, I'm gonna bite your fingers off I'm gonna bite your fingers off and spit them in the trash And our little one would go no He'd cover his fingers up and then L is the older one goes. Are you kidding? and I would go

Yeah, yeah, but then sometimes I was I was like, oh, I'm gonna bite your fingers off. He goes. Are you kidding? I would go. No, he goes. You're not kidding Yeah Yeah, you're you're a little rougher with them definitely, but mom is supposed to be Yeah, sweet and soft and dad is the one that throws them around. Yeah tortures them I say that video of me throwing them. Oh my god, they're like not throw me not throw me. Yeah They love that. That's what dads do. Yeah, I loved it when my dad used to in the pool He would throw me way up in the air

You know, I felt like 40 feet high, but I'm sure as you know It's only 10 feet and then you land in the water. It's the best and as a father of two boys I have like conversations that you don't get to have with them, you know, like like I'll be like I'm looking for girls for a person. Yeah, you know, I'll tell them It's a cool thing to tell your kids That's neat. Yeah I get it I just teach them, you know, I teach them

I honest to god like anybody's like, no, you don't Prove it. I do honest to god honest to god. No, we have we have a lot of fun. You know, we talk we look at chicks I told I told them how to rate chicks, you know, yeah, that's cool. Yeah, it's fun So like when they walk by like Julie don't go like thumbs down fatty. Yeah, and then I'll be like here you get a lollipop Yeah, it's fun. It's good. I think it's good. Yeah, you should yeah, you know, teach them real stuff Not bullshit stuff real stuff like I was telling Tommy, um, ellis if some guy fucks with you, you should kick him in the nuts But then by the way, yeah, see The difference is that I was joking with these

And he brought that up the other day He's like, you ever get kicked in the nuts and I was like, uh, yeah, it's terrible. He's like, yeah, sometimes you got to do it I was like, what? I was like, sometimes you got to kick someone and I go don't do that, man It's gonna really hurt somebody. It's not okay to do that But only I told him over and over only if someone's trying to mess with you. No, no That's someone's trying to mess with you. Oh Someone physically harms. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a last resort. I don't think he understands that concept

He thinks he can just be like, well that guy deserves a kick in the nuts Yeah, yeah It's different. Um, we should hope we haven't even done the opening. Oh goodness. You want to you want to see it? Yeah It's fucking rad this week. Are you ready? I'm ready. Okay Hey, excuse me. Yo Hey, you got a nice body. You want to give him a massage after this? What Come on, man, fucking bullshit

Oh is randy don't bring anyone loving to this Yo mama in the fucking stand Welcome to your mom's house With Tom Segura Welcome to your mom's house Oh Guy's pretty cool. Well, she's being a frigid bitch dumb bitch, right? Why doesn't she want a massage? It's free stupid. He said this is bullshit. You know, he's right. It was bullshit

He's like, you got a nice body. You want to massage? It's like, here's the thing. It's a very direct Yeah, I like it pick up line You know, I like it. You know before um, I would say early 2000s when I worked in an office It was extremely normal for your boss to come up behind you and give you a little shoulder rub shoulder rubs It's just like You look tense and like guys in the office would just do that. Yeah, you know, I worked at MTV You look tense and I'm like, I don't feel I don't like that. But you know, whatever. It's fucking crazy. Gary You know, yeah

Guy that gives girls shoulder rubs. The shoulder rub guy is born in high school, by the way Because his name was john and ours shoulder rub guy That's the guy's whole thing. That's his whole that's like his way of getting women Yeah, this guy would go. I remember you'd have this patio that like it was a covered patio and And like you'd be sitting there. Yeah, like on these benches and this motherfucker would always go up to like some pretty girl And just start working her shoulder. Yeah Working and they'd be like, oh Jesus and then in classes he would do it too and I'd always be like

I know what you're fucking doing, man Because he gets to put off that like I'm just a good guy. I'm just a sweet guy. I just want to give people shoulder rubs What's wrong with that? Doesn't it feel good when I do this? Yeah, it does. Yeah, okay. Yep. We see what you're doing, john I know You know, I don't want to speak ill of the dead, but um, jesus On sunset jesus who used to hang out at the comedy store. Oh jesus christ Oh, I thought you were talking about the guy upstairs. We have the guy that dressed like jesus christ. Yeah, he's also upstairs But yeah, yeah, so there was a guy that dressed as jesus christ for many years on the sunset jesus trip

Yeah, and he would come to the comedy store and he's like the nicest guy. He was super sweet But he was a massage guy. Yeah, but he would massage girls and guys. That's cool. So I don't know Maybe he really was like jesus then Yeah, no, but he gave very hard ones and the thing is massage guy is usually too hard The people that give them and you're always like, okay massage guy. Thanks done. Yeah, it's never great Yeah, he was too hard too hard. Yeah, too much too much massage massage. So I'm saying that wrong Well, this cool guy um, he asked her if she wanted to get a massage because she had a nice body Then he's like this fucking bullshit and he starts

Walking away. He's got by the way, great hair. So nice. Good looking guy, right? I mean He's doing his thing and stuff like that. Um, and then uh Some happens right Fuck do we have here, huh? What are you trying to talk to me for? I'm asking you to leave right now. Nah, fuck you for what dude For fucking what? Huh? You could kiss my ass bitch. What I do Yeah, I am working out silently

Asshole go fuck off You see me working out bitch. What am I doing wrong? Huh? Answer dude, I'm gonna work out right now What are you harassing me for? I'm not harassing. Yes, you are. You just told me to leave a mid-workout Disrespect Someone is fucking feathering it right down here again

We prayed we prayed him And connell said i'll give you one boom. Is this the son of fed smoker? It feels like he is reborn reincarnated. Yeah He's got all the same bones to pick. He's so much ahead of feather. Yeah, he's cool with the ladies He's got a really approachable style with the public. He's cool with authority. Yeah The guy just asked me to leave bitch. I'm fucking working out mid-workout bitch Hey bitch, hey why you asked me to leave on mid-workout buddy? The fuck is wrong with you? Who the fuck did I do bro? You can't even tell me Record this too. You're kicked out of the gym. You don't log in here for what?

What did I do? Huh? Tell me all you fuckers The fuck You cannot work out in this big. Look at you. Look at me funny You just asked me to leave for what buddy For what he has a funny accent though for what buddy? Possibly it sounds like a Canadian accent. Well, this chain whether it is a place is called easy fitness You look it up. I don't know where easy fitness is located Easy is it letters e and z? I think I saw easy fitness. Hmm. Let's see

um But I do like this guy's I like him more like watching him. You cannot work out All right, I was trying to late. Yeah, you like watching him. I like his physicality more. It's more enticing than fed smokers E No, it looks like it's spelled out Yeah, but it looks like it's an eos fitness eos and there's like a

Eos and a line over the oh Right. Yeah There's a way to Say that that I can't Well, it looks like it's a chain. They're they're all over the place in america or all over where uh, there's some in the states There's some in canada. There are some in canada though. Uh, and I'd say the way you're saying buddy definitely sounds canadian. It definitely sounds canadian strong North american vibes with this one. Interesting. Yeah, I do like his hair. I like his whole presentation

I like that he's a younger fresher take on menacing. Yeah He's a whole new generation. It's kind of like we were having this conversation I think a week or so ago about when hollywood starlets age out, you know And then they are replaced by a younger version. Yep. It's kind of like this is the new fed smoker If they're always looking for new meat new talent. Yeah in the machine Fuck look at this guy too. He's all fucking mad. I bet you're on this side, huh? Don't record me. There's cameras above you dumb fucking being recorded right now I don't give a shit

I didn't do shit wrong if I was a female you wouldn't treat me like this If I was a hot bitch, you wouldn't treat me like this, huh? You only like hot horse, huh? You fucking perv Yeah, yeah, I know who you are. You're the guy who goes around touching children and grabbing girls titties. Fuck you Look at you Oh, but there's palm trees. There's always it's interesting. Oh, wow. First of all I like them secondly When you're um in the wrong Yeah, and you resort to

Using like the most The worst insult you can say to someone Do you usually know that something is Off you know Like he went from being thrown out of gender to be like you touch kids you touch kid Yeah, well, what's interesting is that who else was obsessed with chomos who? Oh, yeah fed smoker. Yeah So it's kind of nice that he's caring the tradition the same traditions tradition is interesting. Yeah. Yeah How do you get a job here?

Very similar vibes face. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's concerned about child molesters. Fuck did I do bro? Fuck did I do bro? Yeah, I mean compare the two you can kiss my ass bitch Ta ta they're retarded Ta ta they're retarded You only like hot horse. How you fucking purr Touching my camera through the fence you faggot. Yeah Like father like son. Yeah, what's interesting Is the generational differences in language, right? Yeah, so fed smoker still uses the words that are forbidden

Yeah, our guy doesn't cross that line. He really didn't. Yeah, he doesn't say the r-word. He doesn't say the f-word Yep, but he does still hit the same points chomo girls titties Yeah They're very two peas in a pod. Yep, but you're right the language differences are generational So fed smokers. I don't give a shit. I don't know what you're talking about forbidden. This guy's like I look there's a line Yeah, uh, I saw saw palm trees I did too. I know it made me think canada. I know it made me think that we were in like so Cal Possibly he could be a bro. He could be a dude, bro a dude bro all the way

Let's see. Can we see any license plates down there? Oh, yeah, those are palm trees. Someone's thinking like a serial killer now Because generally Yeah, that that could be florida that could be california, right? Yeah, I can't really see the plates Good work detective. Thanks. She's lazy Yeah, I'm on the case you are I'm sure somebody watching this knows that that eos fitness Yeah, somebody knows and it's like I used to work there. I know that guy that's chad chad's a real asshole I'm going on his uh on on his youtube page. Yeah, and he said I am now banned from every club on the las vegas strip Located to film in a new area, but he doesn't disclose the area Vegas. His whole thing is to get banned. I'm guessing

That's so cool. You ready? Yeah, I'm guessing go ahead. We have some schizophrenia Yeah, go ahead mix kind of put into a dish With some stimulant That's a really good guess. I'm going to second that motion. Yeah Do you think yeah, it's like okay? Oh, I'm sorry math move to file the motion your honor. Um, yeah, he could be on that Yeah, but definitely some form of psychotic. Well, there is some paranoia. Yeah paranoia. That's the right word totally And there's any super confrontational

So there might have been a psychotic break somewhere in the recent past What's neat too about he and fed smoker is the need to document the menace Yeah, like the need to video it and then upload it He also has a sense of pride with it. Yeah That's also what's interesting is like a lot of people as in the majority of the population would be deeply ashamed of the interaction Right, you'd be like that was one of the worst moments that I've had Right because we've all lost our cool with clerks like sometimes you're just a dick and you regret it You say something like man, that was embarrassing. Yeah, I shouldn't have been like and he'd upload this immediately

So, um patty does he Does he label videos correctly or is he one of those guys? It's like x y l l z z z 1 2 3 Well, that's a very good question That's going to tell us a lot about his sanity. Yeah, boy. These video titles are pretty interesting. Oh, well, let's go through them But they're actual words. They're not just code. They're actual words Examples of miss andree miss andree is woman hating right? Uh, miss andree is the opposite. It's man. Hey man hating So everyone's just hating him. This couple. Let me smash with another random girl. We met and that's a cool title That's interesting. Oh my god

combative handicapped boyfriend subdued by girlfriend. These are all really crazy titles. Wait combat combative combative handicapped boyfriend subdued by girlfriend Okay, and these are these are some pretty good titles after getting triggered by jay's persistence I mean what I would do here just so you know We're gonna keep talking I think you should take a look at one or two of these and let us know if we should bring it up Because it sounds like a real cool title

All right Wow, how do we find this one? Was it sent in? um Yeah, I think so I got something here that I bet you can't even guess. Okay, but this was a diamond by the way. This was fantastic Good one. Yeah, that was really cool. This guy's very very cool Yeah This episode of your mom's house is brought to you by Express VPN using the internet without Express VPN is like

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They've been an absolute Lifesaver for me. I've got you know the two little kiddos And the husband and I I don't always feel like cooking so door dash is great Because you get what you want to eat right now and right to your door and the kiddos You know, they like to get pizzas and pastas, but maybe Tommy and I we like to get something a little healthier So we everybody gets what they want and it's an absolute dream. Here we go. Here's the action For a limited time our listeners can get 25 off and zero delivery fees on their first order of $15 or more When you download the door dash app and enter code ymh

That's 25 off up to a ten dollar value and zero delivery fees on your first order when you download the door dash app In the app store and enter code ymh. Don't forget that's code ymh for 25 off your first order with door dash subject to change terms apply so A lot of groups Particularly marginalized groups in the last Especially the last decade. That was a nice verb particularly the last decade have had

Basically felt empowered to speak up for themselves And let people know how they prefer to be referred to And rights that they feel that they have especially if they feel if they're underrepresented and maybe the fact that they have been Stigmatized or mislabeled Um stereotype by the general public But I bet you can't guess Which group also feels this way? Would you like to see I was I'm dying now Dying for that question

I use the term minor attracted person or map in the title and throughout the book for multiple reasons First of all Because I think it's important to use terminology for groups that members of that group want others to use for them And math advocacy groups like before you act Have advocated for use of the term map They've advocated for it primarily because it's less stigmatizing than other terms like pedophile. Oh, oh Oh minor attracted person. Oh Fuck off. What do you mean? Why are you being? No?

You can go fuck himself right off. No Hey Listen, no, you say a pedophile everybody goes to the bad guy You say minor attracted person People even know what the fuck you're talking about see this this is the logical extension of this is what we were waiting for Yeah, this is fucking No, bro. It's just no. I don't give a fuck what you think you should be called dude I'm gonna put a fucking boot in your face is what I'm gonna do. Hey, okay come to texas

When they hear the term pedophile, they automatically assume that it means automatic under and that isn't true And it leads to a lot of misconceptions Attractions to minors. Yeah I've definitely heard the idea that you brought up though that the use of the term minor attracted person Suggest that it's okay to be attracted to children But using a term that communicates who someone is attracted to That doesn't indicate anything about the morality of that attraction Yeah, I mean he's making a lot of good points

And there's one area that I feel like we just don't understand completely And they deserve to be heard. It's maps, you know minor attracted peoples You know, I mean, yeah, they need our sympathy and our love just like every other stigma They have to deal with all the time. Well, you know, this leads me to believe should we be renaming? Murders. Yeah, um or rapists. Yeah Exactly. We should be calling rapists, you know Uh

Well, I was thinking you need like more like an acronym, you know, like g w h n You know guys who hate no like sit like that Correct it makes sense correct or those who can't withhold urges. Yeah You know knife holdingly challenged for people sure or or stabby challenged stabby Instead of murderer. Yeah, we need to soften mean and mean and my girlfriend. Uh-oh

What happened here? Did we find a good one? Yeah, so we have a couple of action jam packed ones that are like 15 20 seconds long. Oh This guy is fucking he is making videos for the show This is home run alley. They're 15 to 20 seconds long. This is called nympho cell too ugly for any girl Jim maxing won't save him neither will high IQ. What in the fuck? Give it to me. Give it to me mark No, I want you to make girlfriend. Are you down? Stupid bitch again

Yeah, I like when he's perplexed. Mm-hmm. He did the same thing when he was like, do you want a massage? He's like the fuck's going on here You know what this reminds me of though a younger fed smoker Like that could have been a chapter out of a 25 year old fed smoker It totally could have like his relationships with women as they evolved combative handicap boyfriends subdued by girlfriend after getting Triggered by jay's persistence. That is persistence a wonderful title j Give it to me something do something

Do something Hey, I like you I like Arabs You guys gonna fuck tonight. I want to watch your porno. You got any porn on your phone? Let your girls pussy look like That was amazing This guy and he is looking for confrontation. Yeah, it really is like fed smokers reborn Yeah, the fucking criticism and you could make of a fed smoker video is how fucking long they are that's so Get some right to it and I got to give him credit. I think it's because of his age

I think so. He's familiar with tiktok He knows attention span. Yeah. Yeah fed smokers like I just parked And now we're gonna walk in the building and see who's here and you watch them walk all the way up And they're like, come on man. I want to see you yell at somebody Yeah, this guy cuts right to the chase like we need him to by the way, I thought of a name Um for violent offenders. Yeah people murders rapists. Yeah um violence Violence impulse challenged. Okay vic's. Yeah instead of murders and rapists. Yeah vic is good vic

That's cool. We need to advocate for those douchebags too. You know vices and maps together vices and maps. Yeah vixen maps Vixen maps fucking fuck this guy put me on mars. When when can I leave for mars? I'm ready to live there I can't do this anymore I think I'm all done with humans tom making me the fact that he's just like give them a chance You need to understand where they're coming from like nobody wants to understand nobody cares Like you're actually you're literally the only group of people think about being in a group Where a lot of people feel like it's okay to kill you. Yeah Everyone agrees and not only that

The worst people in the world agree that it's okay to kill and they do Like when you go to prison They're like are there child molesters here and they're like if you kill them you can that's fine You free reign and the guards will look the other way. The guards are like there's a child molester. They killed them That's so true. Yeah, let's put them in protective custody because other murderers and rapists will be like i'll kill that guy that touches children That's true. The most violent of the violent. They still are like no, there's a consensus on who sucks the most and it's child It's maps. It's maps

Sorry maps Maps are the worst. Yeah, and everybody knows if you change the acronym it softens the blow. Yeah, of course it does Yeah, they're not child molesters. They're maps. Let's soften reframe Everyone knows that he's like everybody always throws their hands up at pedophiles So we're gonna try to call them minor attracted people now Go for it. Well, listen if he wants to deal with them and help them deal with their proclivities great You do it. I'm not working with those fucking and here's a deal, man I think we should research them to figure out what's wrong. Why are the wires crossed?

And how we can lobotomize them systematically to get them out of society I don't think many shrinks want to work with pedophiles No, yeah, then no one's like signing up sign me up to go research that one of my dad's big ones You know, we're always saying things he mispronounces He's like, you see that guy in the news Yeah, pedophile. Yeah, I'm like, you mean pedophile. He's like, yeah Pedio and then he's two seconds later Got that pedophile. I'm like pedophile. Yeah

How come how do you not say these words? I don't know how he heard pedophile, but he yeah That's so strange Yeah, but who wants to work with them? Nobody. This guy wants to work with maps. Yeah maps maps Yeah, you'll like this one. It's a nice change of space really change of speed. I mean I'll just try to ask him to go to speed limit as long as I'm staying I'm gonna go Okay Hey, you're gonna have to you're gonna have to open that trunk

What I don't know. Okay, so that's the lift driver Uh-huh and this guy was recording and said can you go to speed limit because she was flying She turned around Saw that she was being recorded pulled over on the highway And then started fucking freaking out right there Like really freaking out. Look at her He's gonna open the trunk because he's got his bags in there. Do you know why I was confused? Why? I didn't know that driver was a lady Oh, I can't tell

She gets her hair cut it, you know the dog groomer. I didn't know that was a lady You know, I mean she looks like she looks like you more than she looked like me. Yeah, but you know it's common for them, right? A lot of them look like that I know I wasn't but my brain wasn't like I couldn't put the two together like where's the woman screaming I Thought she was in the back. I mean that's happening Okay I love lesbians

Jesus oh, she's got a cool american flaxing on the steering wheel She's barefoot Arkansas What happened? That was wild. She threw the bag Went over to his section where he was or went over to like the rear passenger seat Which he screamed this is so nutty Oh, okay, you think I'm gonna deal with that I got it all on camera to everything. Yeah

But I don't know what did he do It seemed like well, he only saw part of the video that part's true But it seemed like he was just saying could you slow down right and it and judging by the driver not wearing shoes I don't think and with that haircut. Yeah, the haircut was really the telltale Like you're not with us here saying life And then the america the flag on the car The steering wheel right does not always like tip you off to mental illness or like you're not doing that, right? A lot of flags. Yeah or flags in places where you you don't need a flag. You don't need like on your steering wheel

Yeah, I mean, I actually enjoy the really large flags here in texas. I like them But I don't need it on the steering wheel. That's true. That is a leap Yeah, like how did she even get that there? Did she make it herself? So many questions and then she doesn't have a c in the car because the windows are rolled down like dude Come on. Yeah, it's not tight her shitting together and she's got fucking stickers on her car Which is my pet peeve. I fucking hate people that have stickers on their car. Well, let me show you. Okay. What does that say? Salt life. Okay, so I'm driving home Last week and I'm I'm behind a pickup truck that has this sticker

But I can't really read it because I'm few cars behind and I think it says slut life And I was like What what woman has slut life on her car? I'm like, I got to see this bitch, right? So I speed up just so I can get a look at her in the pickup and I look and I go that's a man It's a man man living that sloth living slut life. I go. This is crazy So I was so curious as to the nature of the sticker So I googled it in its salt life and it's a fishing company. It's a fishing thing

But isn't that funny? I thought I read slut life. Yeah, I could see that. I could see how you're lying. Well, yeah Slut life and then I thought why are you promoting your loving your love of fishing? Yeah You know like you you need people to know you love to fish so much you got to put the sticker on your car It just seems weird to me Like what's that personality that needs to advertise their interests in the form of the sticker the amount of fucking stickers that I see It's usually a certain type too like There's the person who lets you know every band they've ever listened to that was me at 16

Real talk like 16. It's right. But there's also by the way that person in their 40s There's that there's that person where you see them too and you're like, oh cool. I get it, man You've seen all these bands. That's great. It's great that you that you like music And then there's the person that does advocacy With stickers and it's usually like a super liberal where it's like You know, it'll be it'll say like fucking save the trees and then Bernie Sanders and then you know Don't drink so much water and conserve this Okay, that's their entire trunk and rear bumpers just covered in this shit

I guess you feel like you're doing something. I don't know you're you're you're definitely putting an identity out This is who I am. Yeah, I don't know that it's wise To announce your identity no matter what it is on the road period I agree because you're always going to be able to find someone who doesn't like your identity I agree So I don't know that you're going to advertise your identity when you drive That's what I think it's kind of more of a a safety issue And also I always had admiration for people in california, particularly los angeles when they would have like trump 2020 stickers

It's insane. Yeah, I was like, yo, you got some balls homie It's the it's the equivalent of doing The opposite like biden or obama in like a real red state. Yeah, you're still you're standing out And you're trying it's like, do you want to start some shit you want to talk some shit? I mean in it feels like here doesn't feel obviously like the asthmatic in los angeles That feels like some wild shit. Yeah, like you're you're looking for fights, bro. Yeah, there was that one trump Rally or a truck rally with with the trucks and the flags on ventura. I was like everybody here is

Likes to risk that life, you know, I mean, yeah, it just feels like such a hostile place to do it Yeah, it's not location-wise that wouldn't be a good spot to come out as a trump supporter was in other states Yeah, totally go do your thing But I was thinking to myself too like why is this why is she advertising that she's into the slut life? Like I was like, I guess that's good if you are a slut and you're just like I want to fuck dude and then like just letting dudes know Hey, I'm about that slut life. Yeah, because I was really like that's kind of cool Like the guys just beep beep like slut life. I'm here for it. You know

I'm like, that's how they do it now. Yeah, like I genuinely thought it through and I was like, that's kind of neat Slut life is pretty cool. Yeah, like she's just she's into that life. What do you do? Yeah Yeah, I mean I'm trying to think how I would react to the slut life to slut life right like it because I was thinking to myself Well, who's her who's her match on the road? Yeah, but I feel like slut life Is also I don't know that you want slut life, you know I think I'd be like I'm good, but that's what I'm thinking. That's why I was like, well, who's signing up for to be with slut life

Like what guy fucking Jay who makes the videos the Like you have a nice body. You want to miss out that guy? That guy's like, are you slut life? Yeah Slut life Jay Rockefeller. Is that was was that the name Rockefeller? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I thought you were talking about me You You said Jay Patty you're not a jewish anymore. We've discussed this. Thank god Yep

You see this video that that um Patty put out my video In Matthew Hebrews and revelation it says that those who have been saved must maintain and endure with their faith intact Until the end the earth might be saying to yourself Well, I have faith. I know that Jesus sacrificed himself to save us all but here's the thing is That's not the version of faith the bible talks about Oh, good point patty. I fall asleep when I hear it

Like don't you just fall right to sleep when they start talking about this stuff? Oh my god. I cannot imagine caring about this I mean, I cannot imagine spending time. I'd be like you realize we're wasting our life right now I know There's no the man in the sky doesn't care about anything My parents won't do it as much as they used to and they both do it differently But it would always my eyes would just glass over and I would just be like Like my dad would be like, well, you know, I mean if you want, you know, it's important Pray and I'll be like, okay

So, uh, I just like He didn't know that my mom would do a much more emphatic sales thing You look at all the things in your life. Oh my god. They are all because of god I'm like, yeah, that's cool. She's like, do you thank him? I'm like, yeah every day. She's like, you do like, yeah You wake up and you offer your day to god. I'm like, yes, of course first thing I do. I'm like, of course for you, man Yeah Well, I think it's like that the cadence And like the the they all use the same key words and they all use the same cadence

Like you think you're blessing the lord, but the salvation comes from proselytize get down on your knees and pray and you're like Dude, you guys all say it the same fucking way Like I don't even hear it Because it's so overdone. I don't want it. I don't want to be a part of this. I don't want to learn What you're teaching like if some guy was preaching to us and he was like, listen God doesn't want you to fuck your shit up Don't be shitty to people Like there is that guy. Okay, but like rewrite the 10 commandments like come on guys update that shit

Update the language because listen if you look at them, they're not bad commandments, right? Don't steal. Don't fuck your neighbor's wife Yeah, don't murder. Don't murder Believe in the one god the christian god. Okay, that's kind of obvious. Oh, yeah. Well, let's take us through this See, yeah, but just take out that thou stuff and just remix it and put it on tick tock and the kids will fucking listen to you Uh, thou shall have no other gods before me. Yeah. So the christian god is the one on the dude. Yeah Though shall not make Unto the any graven image so no graven images meaning what like false idols Okay, thou shall not take the name of the lord. That's some fucking bullshit. That's stupid

Yeah, you can't you can't say god fucking shit. Yeah, and god damn it That's the one of the best expressions ever. It's the best remember the Sabbath day. Oh, fuck you. And what day is that patty? What's the Sabbath? That is sunday. It's right Saturday is for Uh College football. Oh honor thy father and mother again. Come on. Yeah, but that one's good Like hey, don't be a total piece of shit to your mom and dad. Don't murder your mom and dad It's a weird placement that thou shall not kill is six. I know that should be like top

You see how egotistical god is he's like number one I'm the number two. Don't worship anybody else. Number three. I said it. I'm the shit and don't say nothing about it Like you just reiterated that three times at least kill should be four I'd say I get me out of the way and then stop killing Thou shall not commit adultery given thou shall not steal of course good Thou shall not bear fault witness against thy neighbor. What's that snitches get stitches kind of thing Sounds good to me

Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's house. So don't be don't be jealous. Don't be jealous others That's a weird commandment. It's that's something you should be able to reach On your own if you get there to command somebody to not be envious But I think he's they're getting ahead of the game like listen It's pointless for you to be envious of what this guy has it doesn't it doesn't fucking apply to you Keep keeping your own lane. It's a self-help. This is the first self-help book is the bible right if you look at it that way Yeah, well, it's true. These are all principles that lead you to lead leading a pretty good

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Go to whoop W-h-o-o-p dot com and enter m-o-m at checkout to save 15% This guy looks so much like patty. I know this is crazy, but patty you're more attractive than this guy Oh, thanks gene. Yeah, he's not. That's that's really nice to hear someone say I don't like his moustache It's barely grown in. Hey, are you allowed to have a mustache if you can't grow one? No, it looks terrible. It's all spotty That looks like shit How do you go ahead? Some guys you shouldn't grow facial hair. They can't listen. You get what you get in this world Yeah, right. I truth. I mean seriously. I know there's features. I wish I had me too. There's things that I just

Like you don't get to grow a fucking But mustache and beard because you know why you can't You fucking can't you redheaded prick You fair hair doesn't matter how much you pray. He's not gonna grow in Jesus, okay So It's true. Yeah, you have to accept what God gave you. Yeah, and he didn't give you fucking hair in your face Look, this is the great by the way that quite by the way. He's got a great head of hair

No, his head his hair is meant. He says why would we be able to loose Our salvation if we are saved by grace through faith not ourselves So this idiot can't even write properly. Well, that's somebody else's question to him. I know. Yeah, so his audience isn't that bright either I'm trying to well, it's true Now you had I got it. I got to bring this up. You had one of the probably the greatest Things that can happen to somebody. I know I know what you're gonna talk about and that is That a black person gave you a compliment not just any compliment. Yeah the compliment. Yeah, you know what he said to me there is a There's like a a 10 commandments

Of black compliments and they are all amazing. Go ahead. What did he say to you? Okay, so this this made my day. It was in the morning after shows I was wearing and that might I add it was a great outfit. May I run you through it? Yeah, okay My burberry slacks that I travel in. Okay, so I got that cool check A cool black top a beautiful black Jacket and then a nice cap gray. All right. I look fucking on fleek and my glasses on I look like a million bucks The guy comes the door guy and black door guy. He goes girl. You got some swag I was like, that's what's up. I know. Thank you. And he's like, that's a good thing. That's what the kids say

I'm like, oh, I know it's a good thing, but it made my day Like I thought about that compliment for hours Even a black person tells you you've got swag Yeah, I mean black compliments are so much better so much better And there's definitely there's things that you can get complimented in from a black person that just are It doesn't compare. I mean black compliment on your fashion is huge. It's the best you leave that day. You're like, I'm doing everything right I'm doing everything right because here's why generally I will say

I mean if I may make the observation black people are very fashionable well, yeah, yeah, I mean certainly like the sense of fashion that is unique and that Um That stands out and you know, they're style setters like black cultures set style standards and a thousand percent all of us Kind of go like, okay. Yeah, that's what is that cool. Okay. Cool. You know, so like the list of the write these down, okay Let's end commandments. Yeah, these are like the coolest black compliments One is for sure. I'm this is not in the right order yet, but I'm saying are we gonna order them later

We'll order them later. Okay. One is your your fashion. Okay. You're dressed. Let's talk about your shoes if you get Oh my god, that is another level though. What you're wearing is one thing your shoes being complimented by a black person Is above your clothes ridiculous for sure. Yeah shoes Another one like for us it happens and it let me tell you something It never gets old and that is a black person telling you that you're funny But that's that's the best compliment in the world. It's pretty much like the apex. It's I still remember some black compliments after shows That have that are burned into my memory really tell me them one was I was leaving the Miami improv

Which is a notoriously tough club to work. Yes in coconut grove And it was tough. It really was but meaning like, you know, they papered the room It was uh, they didn't police the room. There wasn't like, oh, we're gonna listen to your show It was why you had to wrangle that audience and and it was like columbians and Haitians Just like a mix of people and not and not only that sorry to interrupt but a language barrier A lot of them often didn't speak English as a first language. So you're dealing with that. Yeah, it was wild and I remember I had this set Where's a wild set and you know, it just it went well. I killed And I'm out there selling something I'm hawking something at the time. I think it was my first CD

thrilled and this dude came Came out and he was eating A like a Caesar like a chicken wrap and as he was eating He's a black dude probably like in his 40s And uh, he's eating Some of it was falling out of his mouth. He was like, hey, man

I was like, hey He had a guy with him who was younger and his arm was around him He clearly been drinking the guy that was eating. Sure. He's like, you funny motherfucker, man and I was like I Filled your food. Yeah food came out of his mouth and the guy was like, all right, man I was like, no, he's like, you're gonna be something man. You're gonna be a star and I was like A hundred white people could give me a similar compliment. I'd be like doesn't matter. Get out here. Get the fuck out of here

The black guy compliment was like a thousand percent the other one Is um a thousand percent This might be the can I say? Sorry. Sorry, but also a black approval When I when I see black people in the audience And I and I totally jokes and I see the black people laughing. It warms me hard. It's different That one is like I'm working for them. You can feel like the rest of the room is like don't care. You don't care Yeah, and then you see a black face and you're like, okay. They're laughing. This is doing good. Yeah

Uh black person's approval of your musical choices. That's huge. I never happens to be big one ever happens to me Very rare very rare black person telling you you dance. You have a good dance move. That's impossible for me to incredible Have you have you had black approval on your dance moves everything? I'm listening here. I've had yeah What yeah, but I mean some of it's been a long time. But yeah, it's like it's now Here's the ultimate one for me as a kid that grew up doing these things. Yeah, nothing Nothing compares To black approval of your athletic prowess. I bet yeah when you're picking teams in like

Middle school and high school. Oh, that's right. And like a black kid picks you for your team. You're like I remember See the bell of the ball. Oh my god, like I'm the top pick of the litter. Oh, yeah, you feel like so true. Absolutely Yeah, you're like, I guess I'm homecoming king So true. I remember I can I can remember this so I played this will make people laugh They just play a lot of basketball and I remember playing in college Pick up game at the gym. They got like it was a pretty competitive game because it was a lot of Football players playing basketball. So it was like offseason stuff football players. Okay, right?

Yeah, I mean so like they're on the collegiate football team They're playing pick up basketball. Okay, so they're big guys and they're athletic guys. They're just not Basketball players on the basketball team. Gotcha, right? So but I mean it's a competitive game and so I would play in these games a lot And I remember one time like I have a decent jump shot, you know So I remember one time I was just you get in the zone sometimes you play basketball. You're just hitting things Like shot after shot. Yeah, I remember this kid. He played corner a position in football And they and somebody they left me unguarded and he yelled at the other guy. He's like you can't leave tom unguarded and I was just like

I Like I started crying, you know, because I was just but it felt it felt so good Isn't that nice it's 20 years later and I'm still like I remember that still basking in that That glory sometimes when I'm driving. I'll be like you can't leave tom unguarded It is the best it's the best. Yeah, I will say um I do like to see Like a diverse like when I was in when I was in Atlanta. I saw like Muslim women in hijab

Out of comedy. I was like, I've never seen a woman in hijab to see the diversity It's cool as shit and in the same room It was like the woman in hijab and then like the black couple The tatted couple and then like the older couple like why are you guys here? And then everybody's having a good time. You're like, oh, this is what By the way, this is awesome. Sometimes I don't know if you ever get this. I'll do shows where Somebody will be like you need more um

Like diversity at your show. I'm like, yeah, I don't pick who comes you yeah, like You can spread that around Yeah, you're not making rules. Yeah, man or the venue. They're not like not sorry We looked at the list and you're not allowed in it's It's just what whoever bought the tickets, man. Yeah, yeah That's so it is fun when it's it's more mixed up for sure Well, and I've never had and I had two women Muslim women wearing the full stuff and I was like, that's very rare Yeah, I've never seen I haven't seen that before in all these years unless I just haven't noticed it

But I like it too in Salt Lake City When when the Mormons come out and one time I asked like who's Mormon and they cheer and I'm like, oh, yeah Yeah, are you supposed to be here? I gotta love that First show I ever did in Salt Lake City Uh, there was a woman breastfeeding at the show cool at the club and I was like, is this supposed to happen? And they're like, oh, yeah, she's just you know, I'm like, she's breastfeeding in the show room. Oh, wow It's fine. Yeah, they're very family oriented. Oh, I forgot the other one when uh, when black eyes tell you have a big dick That happens a lot

Yeah, sometimes I'll be in a urinal in the black eye, but that's a big ass dick you got Thank you I do love black people so much Um Another black compliment Well, I feel like a black woman telling me I'm attractive Just hits different too. Really? Yeah. Wow. What are the how do they tell you? No, just like what if you like just just the compliment or being like hit on

feels different than Then some old boring fucking white white bag of bones. Yeah some white broad. Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of cool I did have him the first um, so you say black guys approve of your music. Well, very seldom do they By the way, I remember being at flappers with you. Yeah, and the black guy walked up to him was like, what's up? And you're like, oh, I'm married. He's like, that's cool. And he had his phone out He's like, let me get your number. I remember that Yeah, that's right. I was like, oh, I'm I'm kids and stuff. Oh, yeah, and I was like, I have two children with this man Yeah, I'm not really

That's right. Oh, that's right. Yeah, he had a great velour jumpsuit on see again fashion forward And I was like, yo, where'd you get that jumpsuit? Oh, there you go. And then I left that part of the story out No, no, I told you that He's like, oh, um, I designed these and I was like, that's fucking rad And he's like, well, can I get your number? And I was like, no, I'm married. My husband kids, blah, blah, blah Yeah, but he did have a great jumpsuit on Okay Yeah, yeah

Um, any made a good point. What's that? Go ahead any Uh, I was saying that I mean, I got cat called one time by a gay black dude in San Francisco I remember it feeling super good But it was because I just knew like he wouldn't bullshit me, you know, like I know that that's what it is That's what it is. So he's got time to talk shit. It's not like tokenism It's not like oh the oh a black person is it it's that As a you know, somebody that lives in this society You feel like when any of those things are told to you that it's

That it would only be told to you by a black person who means it. Yeah You know what I mean? Like you feel like you feel like The person's only gonna be like you're funny as shit because they really think that Or they're only gonna be like your outfit's super dumb like because it's not like just to be nice That's true because uh, yeah, right? Yeah, because it's like when you kill Doing stand-up when you killed at a black where a black audience you feel like you really earned it. You're like They gave it to they give it up when you put on the show. Yeah, and I feel like all those compliments fall into that No, they all fall into like someone's only gonna say it to you because they really legit mean it. It's not bullshit. Not flattery. Yeah

Yeah, yeah Yeah, we don't like play ball. You know, it's like If if we say it we mean it and it's the opposite too on a lot of other people They'll come up to you fucking Ashley will come up to you and say it's such a nice outfit. Right and it's like no, it's not Exactly trash. Why'd they say that? Yeah, is that what it is that's also there's a there's also It's the honesty. It's also credibility Because uh, Ashley is saying like, you know, you look really good, right? You have those are nice shoes

You're like, yeah, but you're not a fucking shoe expert. Yeah. Where's your fashion? Yeah, Ashley? That's true. You don't know what you're talking about. Yeah You know Somebody like Ashley being like you're good at basketball. You're like, you don't fucking know what basketball you don't even know what you're talking about I mean because I mean, god, I know I'm not I'm not gonna say this tactfully and then you guys are gonna want to edit this out but Go for it

Okay, um, so Well, I mean culturally Isn't it black people who are known to keep it real? That's part of A cultural thing of like, hey, we don't bullshit. We keep it real. You keep it 100. That's the thing I think that's what I personally love About black culture is there's no bullshit there. So I think that that's why this stuff matters more. That's how I see This whole thing, right? Like then they keep it real if you suck. That's why we respect black audiences A lot if you suck, you're gonna fucking hear sand man is gonna come and get you off the stage. Yeah, the sand man

Sweep your ass off That's real and then if you do well, they'll stand up and give you their heart and give you their life See, that's what's really interesting, right? I remember this black. That's cool. I like that Cleveland one time When like at a like a moment of like transition where it's quiet. He goes Motherfuckers put me to sleep Like that like everybody could hear I was like, thank you. Thank you Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like it too when you talk some shit. Yeah, and you hear someone go Oh, yeah, they'll be like, oh, that's that was a good sound. Yeah

Yeah Look at the Apollo the sand the sand man. Let's see. That's where he fucks you up and he sweeps you off Yeah, he sweeps you off stage Fuck yeah, are they still doing that? I mean when the show if they do the show, I don't know they Who's hosting the Apollo these days? I'm curious I think the show's on right now The sand man Shit, you saw that guy your shit was over dude

Done Yeah Done skis your shit sucks. There's the hook Fuck and you got to rub the log before you go up. You don't even want to Shit was who was hosting this before I'm trying to remember was it Steve Harvey? He may have hosted one of the iterations of it, but yeah, oh sin bad I don't know gosh I used to watch this show all the time. I hope it comes back if it's not still on that show. Is that on

Has that been on during the pandemic? I don't think so. I mean, I don't think it was on before the pandemic either was it? Yeah, really? Oh, I think so. Let's look up the Apollo. See how long it was 22 seasons Yeah, there's Steve Marys see yeah, he was hosting it last time uh But did that version Stay on the air 22 seasons. No, it's it ended in 2018. Oh, that was a good show. They got to bring this back

Yeah, this is a classic. This is a part of american culture. Did you ever see that fat asian dude who sang Whitney Houston there? No, that was wild There was this young chubby asian boy He comes out in a tuxedo I think he was in a tuxedo and he I think he said and I was saying I will always love you Wow, that's a hard one too and people were like the the great was the pre singing facial shots for people Yeah, there you go. That taiwanese boy sings like Whitney Houston. Yeah, we might need a Oh, that is not the Apollo

But that's also not the No, because he did it. He did it at the Apollo. So it might be the same boy. You should look for it at the Apollo Okay Anyway, I wish I could do the Apollo now. You think you could do it now. Could you kill it only give you like a minute? I mean, man, I could work on it and probably I think I could figure out a set to do it in. Yeah You did Jesus But hey, hey, this is a competition show, but he does it at the Apollo

I'll find that one up right now But doesn't it go to show That talent always transcends of course race shape age whatever the fuck you are people know it when they see it Yeah, it's undeniable. It doesn't matter what shape you're in greatness is undeniable 100 doesn't matter the the form in which it's presented Yeah, you sense it. Yeah, humans know it instinctively no matter what here's your cousin in the meantime He's on a bear he is riding a bear Whose claws are not trimmed. No, and I don't think is tamed. No, this is not even a domesticated bear No, no, those claws are huge. It's not a claw. It's not a cloud. What's it called a fucking circus bear?

Yeah, this guy's a wild it this is so funny because this is they're like machissimo Yeah, like this is how they show you like i'm fucking real man. Yeah, this is a joke, but this is really them flexing Yeah, this is like them showing you how fit and strong they are so fit so funny so strong Yeah, they look what the man I am What I want to see something I really like our version of the 10 commandments if somebody could put those on Um, do you want to sell our 10 commandments? It's a people top. Yeah on a tablet

Put that in your house let your grandma see that We could do a list of our Our our would you find it? I found them on ellen, but not on the apollo ellen. He made it to ellen even doing that Let's see Because I found it you found it at the apollo yep Hmm He's also doing it on other shows. I have him on low pass tonight doing it

Nope, I have him everywhere except for the apollo america's got talent Everywhere but huh In jesus name I pray I I I am trying I am trying On the dog Is this what hell feels like? I do love that all the videos are called asian fat kids That poor kid that's all he's had to deal with I know and his haircuts silly. They should have really hooked him up with a better haircut. He's got the bowl

I know they should have What's that We talking to me or not? I don't know. I thought I said something. Okay. No, I'm just trying my hardest out here He doesn't want to cry So many things you got to do is a middle-aged lady to stay in good shape You know what I'm saying? I work out twice a week. I do the pilates I stretch I do yoga I meditate and you know what really helps jump start my day clear my head and give me energy

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Thanks, babe How are you enjoying this usually hates not I hate it. Just let me eat you. I like it Thanks You remember, um, well, tell me if you know who this is All right. Hello. Hello. Hi, baby But I just learned how high baby I just learned some new shit called pegging Oh my god

y'all dudes into getting pegged That's bad. I turned to a telescope. Yeah, how can I forget? Yeah Oh, you some nasty that dude and you wondering why I see why y'all wearing them tight pants You want them girls to see that breath where they can peg you in it? Thanks You undercover sucker Not go get pegged Because

Boy, y'all getting pegged boy. That's some new Can I tell you something I just realized though? I wouldn't feel that great about a compliment from him. No, you know what I mean Well, I think he's just he's kind of he's got other stuff happening No, he's got a lot happening. He's not there, but I mean if he was like, I like your shoes I'd be like, I got to go man Yeah, he's yeah, he's not the good judge on stuff He's not the authority on much. He was like funny. Shit. I've got to rewrite this stuff All right, you're like, I don't like what I'm appealing to

Y'all I actually get pegged by these damn girls. Yeah, but y'all they saying y'all laying down with the lgbt crew Yes, you will you try to make excuse because it was dead by a girl if it was dead by a girl Boy a man did it first kicking peg my dude keep getting pegged So he's his argument is that if you're gonna be down pegging you should be down with the lgbtq you should be gay Right. Oh, oh, I thought you might just support. He's like you are gay. Oh, oh, I thought meant just be be supportive being An ally. I don't think that's what he was saying Like on your social media, you should be like I support and put rainbow flags on stuff Yeah, I don't know. I um

I don't think that was his angle, but I'm no, I thought that's what I heard. Yeah I was trying to help out This is one of the coolest things I've seen in a while. All right. I'm running through some stuff. I want to show you Okay, uh, this is on I wouldn't even call it rollercoaster. It's a ride, but like at a fair check this out. This is so red Uh, she's gonna pee. No I love it. Oh, I love it. Oh, I want to have an orgasm Oh, yeah

Oh He's like Wow, you think she really did I mean it sure seemed like it didn't it do you think the belt was like Situated on her vag. You tell me clam. I don't know I mean it looks like that bar is right in her clam. Maybe I don't know. I like his uh, are you serious? Are you serious? He's like you're crazy, bitch. Yeah, she was with me. It sounded like she was having a great time Wow, where is this roller coaster exactly? That's what I'm saying. Let's go. Where is this? If I take it I'm here to help my lady come

Boy, they show this commercial you kidding me. Yeah, be lines out the door. Yeah, they should Oh, man Jesus christ. I know I believe our producer Nadov has uh some information for you. Yeah, uh-oh No, I mean, I'm just I'm just terrified to say I really don't think this kid performed at the apollo But I you know, I'm just I'm just still googling over here looking Looking for it Okay

Would you like to see him perform on ellen? No All right, I'll keep looking Oh dear Hey, let's watch something funny while he looks Keep provoking that animal That flip was crazy, can we see it again? Yeah She's old too, dude. She can't flip like that. No, she cannot flip like that Oh

Yeah, she got up there that remix was That dude I'm trying to see how the bull did it like he picked up by her stomach one horn and then flipped her up that is just She's I wonder if she what happened what the injuries are. Fuck. He must have gore. Oh Yeah, that could have gone through her Fuck dude. It could have gone through her Cain flying in the air Damn, if she was just standing still and did this she'd be like in the fucking crouching tiger head and dragon, you know

Yeah, he took her head scarf off and everything that bull was like give me that scarf, bitch Flipped her over. Yeah, fuck Funked her up Damn, dude All right This works Oh, that's the wrong thing Okay

I want to spoil it. I wanted to show you something funny Bye, happy birthday Oh my god, that is the scariest thing ever. Oh my god, a fucking bird. Yeah, what are the odds of that happening? Not that high Holy shit, you're like, what is that in my face? You don't even know what that is. There's a bird in your mouth Jesus How often do birds fly into airplane engines you think that's kind of common that happens, right? Yeah, it's just a matter of like it's it's rare when you Like that sully thing, you know when they landed that that was like birds hit both engines or all four engines or whatever he had all

Immediately after departure, that's more rare that you would look but like he flew through like a flock of birds or whatever But they are they yeah, they they hit planes and and go through engines all the time Crazy that was horrible that poor girl And it's just takes it throws it The fuck is that? I'm sure she doesn't even know what that is at first Oh, so good. She didn't have a orgasm on this ride She didn't She did not

Poor girl Happy birthday. Happy birthday. That's the worst part. She'll never forget that birthday That's like when oj was getting chased. I was on my um 18th birthday Oh, yeah, yeah, and I remember being at the red robin in calabasas 94 Yeah turned 18 my 18th birthday at red robin my friends and I were watching oj get chased Down the freeway I was at basketball camp at university of south florida Okay in tampa All right, and you remember watching that chase. I remember that that it was happening. I remember in the morning

like we were all It was a summer after freshman year going into sophomore year And they were like oj simpson and we were all like athletes and like we all know him from football and the movies and stuff Yeah, yeah, yeah You know, he did something and they chased him and they gave us like a summary. We were like, okay He did something. Yeah, he did this thing and uh, wasn't good And he should he should listen to the police when you guys practice hard today. What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, yeah, she'll remember that

who All right, where's the uh, I got get this for you. Here you go. Oh Now I'm ready I don't know what you curated for me this week. We'll see very excited. It's got to be good. I think it'll be good Oh, it's always good. All right. Here we go Even Wait, so what did she think was happening? She just thought he was like ha ha my fun pet crocodiles wrestling me

And then she's like, oh he peed all over me too. Lol's like what can you find while we're doing this the The crocodile the gator That bites the woman at the party At the kid's birthday party. Yeah, I'll look for that. It's it's this is the wildest shit This gator this is like I can't believe like This lady's an expert and she you know what she does the gator bites her arm And he goes to roll And the roll is going to rip it off, you know

she is So this is like how they say training takes over. She so knows What a gator is going to do she rolls with it. No, wow Wow, so she just go. Yeah. Does he was sorry does he pull the her down into the swamp? Well, it's like it's an it's an enclosure Inventors fucking kids and everything watching And then this guy runs in who is not an animal guy and she's like sit on his back pin him Like she's telling him what to do

And then she gets out of it. Oh my god, and then he's like, hey, how do I get out of this? He gets sucked under. Yeah, he was just like a dad that was at this thing And it's one of the wildest things but it always makes me like You watch that thing and you're like, why would you fuck with these guys? I know Why are you fucking with this guy? Why are they attracted to me? He just pissed on you right now But if he was hungry right now, I know or just agitated. There's a wild animals Well, like that guy we talked about last week that used the cobra to kill his wife Um, he had a proclivity for like snakes that bite you like some people are drawn to animals that fucking hate them

It's just the weirdest thing. Yeah, I don't know why you want to why you want a pet that's going to fuck you up? Oh, here we go. This is it dude I think this has music on it. So we have to play it muted. Okay, play it muted See they're all watching this thing and she's like la la la Right and then she That's her arm Now she knows she knows and roll with him. Oh, yeah Watch

Now he's rolling See how she rolls with him. She goes with him smart Then that guy is not an animal guy Right, she's like pin his shoulders. She's telling him what to do Right now she's coaching this guy. She's like do this Right And then pry open the they have to pry open those Well, he just keeps doing what

Fuck and then now this guy's like, okay. Um, hi Um What do I do now? Well, you're welcome. She tells him To back off like that. Yeah Yeah, isn't that wild though and that's that's a lady who works with that gator probably every day every day for probably Years, maybe that gator's life. Yep. Yeah, you Look at look at look at this though Like when she gets in and he's gonna roll and she immediately goes. Oh roll with this fucking guy roll with him

But to maintain that like and see how she knew to like wrap her legs around her right away She's like hop on them. Hop on them right now I want to keep my hand Yeah It's that's fucking how about this guy who's watching? He's like, um, do we put my hand over you or how much should I do? Oh this poor bastard. All right, we're good Oh my god Anyway, I don't understand the allure to even get with these animals. I don't know

It's not for me Oh, yeah, I said this Oh, it's texas Did you love it? Yeah, why don't you describe what we just saw? What is it a motorized cart? Yeah in a Walmart and the ladies got I thought we were about we were seeing like a fight or something Or an accident you never get to see the silly stuff So she's sitting in a motorized like load it up load it up already her cart's full She's got a kid on her lap. She tells her other kid to lay down

Horizontally in the footrest area. Yeah, and then she's like come on. Let's go and the daughter's like yep And like yeah, and the kid like hold You ready I think you should have to be as like fatter than she is to get one of those I think so too. I think like in a store. They should be like, I think you're just being lazy Should they weigh you and then depending on how fat you are and then your height like she's a mess But they should be like you can walk You could do this you can use the exercise actually you need to walk around. Yeah

You're not past the point of walking around. Yeah, I agree. It's a good idea These scoot-scoots are for our super super fat people Or just like infirm. Yeah, like maybe you've been an issue your legs work. Do you? Yeah, you need to walk Oh You fucking love these they do It's alive No, they're dead. These are frogs, but they're like raw looking Like she's squeak like she opens them in the order. Oh, yeah, there's like a past incident

Maybe they're boiled she's just pulling out the innards showing you And I need that And here's the other frog. I don't like this showing you I got it. I think I got the whole thing again the sauce I think can camouflage a lot of the texture I think it's all sauce. Those Asian sauces are so damn good. Oh, it's like completely all the organs are there It's so it's she gonna eat fucking 25. There's so many. That's what they do. They eat the whole plate. Yeah, it's that mukbang Oh, you say it mukbang mukbang

She's little it's always the little bitches to do these So Here's the thing When I first heard that it upset me and I was like, why are you doing this? And then I started to listen to it a few more times Like for this genre, what is this called death metal? Yeah, it's kind of good for the genre and it's got to be really hard on your voice I think it's really hard on your voice. How do you do this? Try it

Is that good so it first time I've ever tried it's my first time ready Okay, ready? Should I do her? Yeah This time with no coming You're nailing it. Yeah, I feel like beavis You're doing a great job It's hard your voice you got a train for that you can't just go into that that hurt I got to train my instrument for that Try it. It's hard as fuck. But she's actually good at that. I know, but she's fucking intense, man

Yeah, well that music form is It's hard sometimes it's best not to compete with your spouse But also how did these bands sing like that then how do you do death? Is that death metal? Is that what this song is? Yes. How do you do an hour and a half show? I don't know They they must be okay everyone. I want to warn you if you don't hear from me I'll be in a car and it probably won't be internet connection when When I'm driving or when my parents are driving. What? Okay Know that

We'll be in I'll be in touch when I can Thank you Did you get what he was telling you? No, so He's going on a trip with his parents in the car and there won't be internet connection there So that's why you're not going to hear from him for a while. How do you speak this level of this fucking stupid? I'm fluent in tech talk, man This these are my jams. I love these fools

Do I know this kids work like this is not the first jam I followed and liked I like him Yeah, he just he's concerned about people on the platform missing him Like don't worry. I'm here. I'm just with my parents my parents in the car. Let's move on. Okay Are those Like maggots and stuff growing up. I mean it just looks like bloody meat or maybe that's some kind of a paste or spice There's no bugs on that Like are those bugs crawling on it? I don't think so. No, there's not movement on the No, I guess not

No, but my first question is like this clearly is a tribal community. Yeah, who's post and tech talks, bro I know how are you even getting this footage like This is like that movie amazing nightmare scenario where you're The westerner that ends up in this and they're like, I'm hungry and they're like today We are eating, you know, it's maggots and brains. Yeah, okay It's like anthony bordain going to these remote countries and you're like this poor guy has to act like this is good You would eat it though if you're hungry You absolutely would and you would not to be rude not to be rude yet and also because you need something to eat

Some tribal people cookie some shit. You better believe you're eating it. Yeah Primo What did he say he's so pissed at that dog Oh shit, oh my god, you pinchy mother son of your fucking mother. Yeah Yeah Like you're comfortable in the fucking cement asshole dog So it's kind of my voice right now. It's wet cement and the dog fully chill in the middle of it Dude knows he's gonna redo that whole thing. He's for that guy's whole day of work, dude

Fucking pinchy dog is right Um Fucking dumb dog. That's a really good talk. You like that one. It's a good talk. Yeah, I thought you might it's quick It's to the point now. Have you been lifting down your books differently since you learned? Yeah, not by the spine. I reach over I push them in you do and then yeah pull them out like that I like it. I like it a lot Yeah Oh my god, I'm glad

Is that all they're better be more I'm one more curate a lot. Yeah I use this side for my vaginal area and this side for my rectal area I typically hold it like this and then can put it in there and then get to the proper points and twist it around Try to move things around to get the poop out and as I mentioned like push my prolapse back Why does one go in your vaginal area? Well, that's the thing I was really trying to understand this talk She's like I I put this one in my vag and this one in my ass And then I put this in my vag and then the poop comes out. I'm like, wait, what the fuck I don't think she knows which hole is which it doesn't sound like she has a firm grasp

Yeah But I like that one. That is pretty cool. I like that a lot. Yeah, I just I don't understand what's happening Yeah, neither did I it sounded kind of convoluted Oh, man It's a long day. Yeah, it's a fun fun episode though. Yeah, good times We got the new fed smoker fed smokers here Oh my knee hurt All right, dad. Yeah, we're getting ready for the holidays. Yeah most um, especially

Christmas, baby. Yes, this guy was born. Yes, this guy is born today. Yeah I'm so excited. There's a hungarian store. I'm gonna check out here and mom's did actually you know what I'm doing later What's up? I'm making a house call to patty o callahan's place to see If all the proper christmas stuff is said I'm gonna help him out. I'm just gonna make sure that it fits the checklist. Okay I know he better have his shit together his christian shit together her plow Yeah, we have to do a secret santa. That's probably new for him. Oh, yeah Secret santa. Are you ready for that patty? Have you done that?

Oh, no, I have no idea what anything with santa or christmas feels like at all. Oh, tell them We'll do a secret santa in the office. We all secretly pick someone's name and then you have to buy a christmas gift for them Oh And a christmas gift like I hear this thing you guys tell people what you want for christmas. Is that how you do that? but you can also do a thing like Where you set a budget, you know So everybody who's exchanging gifts goes like hey, we don't spend more than you know Yeah, it's a limit

So that way you don't you know Right, so someone gets like, you know like a pair of flip flops or someone gets like a really cool ipad or something Yeah, we don't do that. Yeah, so we'll set a limit. We'll set a limit. I think for you guys giving me gifts Okay So I think 1500 a person is probably reasonable Uh, what's the minimum on that probably 1400 yep fair enough That sounds real right real christian. I bless you and respect you guys And I'm so glad to be a part of the jc team jc team. That's right

And it feels like a cool way to say thank you, you know To me. Yes. Yes. Thank you Great and we have it all worked out You like that? I do really cool Are you ready for the closing song? Yeah So the closing song is straight up one love by Sir sharts a lot Thanks guys for watching thanks for listening. Merry christmas. Love you. Love you. We say merry fucking christmas

Merry christmas around here. I'll fucking say happy holidays. Love you. Love you Love you guys Huh You For Hi mommy, thanks genes. Thank you for watching this episode of your mom's house And if you had a great time watch more videos here here here Don't forget to subscribe here here here so that you will know when your mom's house video comes out

Immediately. Thanks genes