Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 637- Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: January 5, 2022

Happy New Year! Tom Segura and Christina P are back with their jeans over their heads and they recap how amazing Cobra Tate was and how broken the mommies were when they first started dating, and we open the show with Daddy Lalagone. Tom realizes he might have a food sensitivity, we analyze a new YMH employee's hair, and talk about the YMH end-of-year dinner. We talk about Mystery the Pick Up Artist and the new Netflix show "Twentysomethings" and how it compares to MTV's Real World back in the day. The moms saw a Charlie Brown Christmas with annoying people in the audience, watch one of the best trash talkers from one of Barstool's Rough N' Rowdy's, and we revisit the gag couple! We get into dad culture, Little Jeans' 5th birthday party, and massage chairs for Tom. We get to see FedSmoker working a case and take a look at Christina's TikTok curations.

I appreciate you coming with me. I think I owe you now an event. Yeah I don't know what that will be, but I will come with you now if you want to watch foosball or What are you into? What are you? Pukakis Ready in Hamesh Arbaa, Shalosh, Steim Happy New Year. Happy New Year, and somebody's back to Judaism again. Yeah, I guess it didn't stick as a What in the hell? Definitely sad

It is reality Do you have any New Year's resolutions? Just you know keep my shit tight and fucking fuck shit up fuck shit up all year. Yeah Fuck people up. Fuck people up. You know So cool in a cool way in a good way turns out it's a fucking good idea Um stop being so fucking stupid there you go first of all But I don't think women can prevent that like I feel like that's just inherent to women, right? We learned that last week with Cobra. I mean

Didn't it exceed every expectation ever I mean sometimes, you know, we've we've had little run-ins Interactions with people we've featured and there's been great ones, you know, there've been great ones As far as having someone we've profiled come on the show and Like you know, obviously hanging out with Unkshine for the YMH live seven was one of the greatest treats of my life Yes, I got to meet What's his name the truck driver? Oh, yeah, Steve Kings above 18 that that was really more than I expected having Charles on Elliot on was great. Oh, don't forget the famous rubber Paul champagne. Oh my god. Yes, but I think

None of it there are None of it compares. I Mean Tate was like home. We had to wrap it up Like we he really was ready to keep going He and and and it was he was fantastic. I mean, yeah, and I think we have some Cobra take converts even Oh, yeah in this office. There's people. I mean also probably listeners are like this guy's so brash and arrogant and all that Which you know, he is yeah, but um, he's super entertaining Yeah, super funny and an intelligent guy and he's got a lot of right ideas definitely

Yeah, but super intelligent my goodness and and you know, he's not for everybody. No, but But it was cool that he let us be in his presence for as long as he did I was thankful the jet was fired up And I'm glad you were so dumb that you'd fuck it up. You know, I was so afraid if I probably had to Suppress a lot of your own instincts. Yeah, I had to zip the lip a lot Yeah, and I did I didn't bring him to coffees. They did they did I know yeah, yeah, that was pretty cool Yeah, but I'm serious. I think I think I think some of the boys are like converts now like they're gonna He made me spit on my lap. You pointed out that I've been doing this with world-class comedians Yeah, and I've never done that and with him. I did you spit coffee out of your nose laughing

I mean, I spit all over this laptop. Yeah. Yeah, you know, you practically high-fived him on some of his beliefs about women and stuff She's he earned those high fives for sure. Are you gonna be going to Romania anytime? I'm trying to I wish there was little bigger comedy presence there, but I Am gonna do Europe at some point and I will try to link up What do you think over would do if I burp like that in front of him? Oh my god, if you were like on a date or something it would be well, what do you do? He'd probably get up and get up put like Crank up some ball up some cash and just like throw it at you like that's for the drink bitch and then

Walk out and I think most of the restaurant would applaud. Wow Yeah, yeah, that's pretty cool. That's pretty cool. Yeah, that was pretty awful It was but you you've taught me over the years. That is not on me Yes, it is. I was a lady when I met you and then you converted me into a real pig. That's not true Pigotron. No, I was so demure and sweet. No, you weren't you never were I just was wearing like flower prints You never had that face. Are you talking about I met you and you were a fucking derelict. I know Yeah, that's true you couldn't you wouldn't but you wouldn't like me if I were a proper lady I don't I don't think we would ever have a rapport. We can give it a shot. Yeah, we can try. It's too late, dude

It's too late Yeah, yeah Yeah, you're pretty savage like what I met you was I pretty much. What was I like? I mean, you're like, hey I was like a female what wrestler kind of yeah, hey, hey, Tom. Yeah, not like that You literally said I know a bar. We can still smoke it Yeah, yeah I was like that guy in that documentary where he escapes from North Korea and he lives in South Korea, but he still has the ways of a northern Korean person like

Meaning like I just got out of my parents house. It was like 28 when you and I started dating and I was just like Like chain smoking drinking a lot at night and like, you know reading Bukowski and just being fucking fired up and dark I was very dark. I don't think you knew this but when you weren't around me It was like listening to dark music and reading subversive fans and writing I was fucking out of my it's probably good. I didn't know that. Yeah, I don't think I would have asked you out again If I knew that was going on I've been like, maybe take her to the fucking hospital

That's not true though. Remember that one time we went out for buffalo wings when we first started dating I was eating in my favorite buffaloing place and I was like, I'm never getting married marriage is for fucking suckers I hate it that and your dick couldn't get any harder. Let's be honest You like that a little bit that I was like, I'm not fucking getting in relationship Super loyals for idiots Marriage is for fucking posers. Look at you smiling right now. See how much you like it I just I just wanted to hear your recap Well, what was it like? No, it was kind of like that and I was like, hold on a second

Yeah, it's true. It's true. I was like that. Why did you stick around if I was so anti? I don't know. I don't know. You uh, I don't know. Maybe because it felt safe But you didn't have to maybe really put out emotionally because I was like, dude, listen, I'm fucking broken homie Yeah, and I probably would it probably speaks to how broken I was where I was like, oh, this chick's all fucked up I like her Yeah, that's true. And that was our first date the first time you asked me out You says to me you says You go you want to go hiking and run in canyon. I go no

No, I like you but yeah, I don't hike. I don't want to give you the illusion that I Hike you're gonna be very disappointed when you find out. I'm not that good. You uh, you definitely don't I've learned that But that's when I said I know a bar we can smoke in you want to go there and And back then that was rare because they were locking it down in california So I did know like the last few bars was on colorado In pasadena. Yeah, it was called the colorado. Oh the colorado. Yeah. Oh, look at you Yeah, you held the burp in. Yeah, I'm not like you interesting Yeah

It's called respect and you're right. I'm not a good hiker this morning. We did a hill You I did your hill your infamous you can do it more than one time hill. Yeah Yeah, did you it was fucking hard, bro? I'm not gonna lie and also you didn't complete the hill. Nope so what I would do is So you would go up and then I let you I'd let you I mean you would get up ahead of me and I'd follow You'd tag your thing turn around come back down and and then I'd meet you down You'd be like good to see you and then you go down

Yeah, and then I'd beat you on the way down and I'd turn around and go up and you go Hey, and I'd meet you on the way up again You stay kind of in the middle zone and can I tell you though? Yeah such a workout. I'm so fucking exhausted for that That's a good one. I'm a smaller animal than you though. I'm an ostrich. I can't run as much as a bear Yeah, by the way, we determined that I was an ostrich on the last episode Exactly. I think you guys are a hundred percent right because we were in the house and I was like It's great. I feel like I'm finally complete now that I know my animal Yeah, I am uh

I am so excited about this episode. Are you? Yeah, uh-oh. What do you got up your sleeve? Nothing just real excited lies What do you have up your sleeve? Nothing Let's start the show you ready? I'm ready. I'm terrified though No, no, it's nothing like that. Oh, okay. All right. There's just a lot of horrible things. We're gonna share with people It's just gonna be fun. Okay. Okay. All right. I just know because sometimes you have you have things like the audio of me doing Something horrible. I just want to know if it was that. No, I just mean happy new year. Okay Twerk why you want me to twerk Hey, I'm gonna tell you this look and I'm gonna say it loud and

Though I'm a man. He's never gonna catch me twerk. What is that? What kind of man twerk you ain't never seen a man that twerk stop telling me to twerk Juan R4 thank you for your follow amigo really appreciate you Oh So happy new year happy new year to you once again acknowledged corporate today. Thank you for your presence and your lessons life lessons I can't wait to see you again So something happened today Two days in a row now. Hmm. I didn't have eggs for breakfast. Okay. Now. I have been eating eggs for breakfast for about

15 years and Pretty much every time I sit down. I have my my eggs and then I have a problem, you know Yeah, sniff that one. It's not good. It's not good so And I've been on kind of a health kick for like, you know a little bit now and so I do five egg whites Two whole eggs

Sometimes I add turkey slices and then I have spinach. Anyway, it's like lean High protein, you know, not super high, but you know marginal amount of protein to get your day started So that's what I've been doing and always always always Problems so I haven't even taken it, but I have a food sensitivity test that I'm gonna take. Yeah, I don't have food allergies I've had food allergy tests. So so okay, so those are different things. So then explain to me what a food allergy is a Highly reactive

Highly when you see someone's face. Oh, right, right. See food people use allergy Like colloquially basically and they don't know what they're actually, you know, like it's it's uh It's it's not the correct term. Yes, because people say I have a gluten allergy. So I don't an allergy is very different okay, so and I've been to the the doctors about this like the the Sensitivity is what most was what most people mean when they say food allergy. So anyway I go ahead. I do the food allergy test nothing So I'm like, man, this is so weird, right? So yesterday I get this idea. I'm like, hmm. It's been 15 years I think something's up

15 years of you eating eggs your favorite morning. I made it pretty much and then Violent diarrhea or even like me not even like it's just not healthy, right? Okay, so that's the thing you're always like it's not good. So what do you mean if it's not diarrhea? What's the number we're looking at on the bristol? It just depends on Depends because a lot of times you have eggs over the years with different editions, right? I mean think about the breakfast veggies, right or you can might you might have Two eggs over easy with toast and hash browns and so that's a different Combination of foods in your belly and then sometimes you have it real clean like I've been eating lately

That's a different combination. Sometimes you might have pancakes and eggs scrambled, you know, so all the different variables lead to some type of issue where Yeah, the stool chart is going from like five six seven You know, I mean it's gonna bring it back up because I need to refresh my memory. It's not a seven I'm not that's not true seven means you're fucking sick dire water. It's just water That's what bristol stool seven is So hard sevens. Yeah, let's see. Okay. So let's go back seven is just open a faucet. Okay but like

Fives and six are not good So I imagine okay when I hear what's happening through the door. You don't hear what I have for the last 17 years And if you think I haven't you're crazy. So I'm I hear a six I hear a six with it says mushy consistency with ragged edges. Here's what that's what I Feel a lot of breakfast just live in the five and six zone. It's just fives and sixes You know Soft blobs with clear cut edges. Yeah, and what you want are threes and fours Oh, I have a four all the time. Yeah, that's what you want. I live by four

Well, here's what I did today. Yeah, I says to myself. I says self Yeah, yeah yesterday as well. Yeah, I go. I'm just gonna have Something besides eggs. Okay. So I had a yogurt yesterday. I had a protein shake first today I had a yogurt first probiotic very good to regulate your gut And I had one of those non fat or I mean non sugary one like zero sugar. That's fat, but no sugar I ate it had a coffee I had a fucking four today see See and then I had a protein shake

And then I had a little bit of what you had the the rice and chicken thing, you know Now you feel good Can't believe I have to say goodbye to eggs. Yeah Yeah, I think so it's irritating you and the yogurt is so good for your gut That's and not that sugary. We don't have that bullshit that yo play with loaded with You know, it's candy and also we get the the swedish kind of whatever that shit is finished kind I kind of want to commend myself for solving this mystery I did it. Thank you. Yeah, Nadav is giving you the approval you deserve. Yeah, thanks very much. Yeah

12 years 15 15 years probably more. Yeah, maybe eating eggs since high school. So it's probably like 30 years. Yeah But what a bummer it's your favorite meal breakfast is your favorite thing you love eggs So maybe what I'll do is just shift to like pancakes and waffles only Just carbohydrates. Yeah, sure That's good for you Yeah, super good for you. Yeah Ugh, you could do fake eggs I don't know

No, dude, it's nasty. I try vegan meat. That's kind of stupid. Yeah, that's gay as fuck I try gay and retarded and I tried vegan cheese just to see first of all It's just as fatty as regular cheese meaning the calories are the same So why am I fucking going to eat the fake ass cheese and still get fat? There's no point in it. Get the real cheese Yeah, we should get real cheese, you know, absolutely full fat milk if you're gonna do milk Yeah, let's get milk sucks sucks a dog dick. It's the worst. Yeah, I agree. It's the worst. So, um Yeah, so oh so Nothing some of you guys may have noticed

Maybe on one of the live shows or here on these shows a new face I don't know if we did a proper introduction to Danny joining the team, right? So Danny's been here for a few months, um working with us and When I met him I met him over zoom met him over zoom and You know, we had a couple conversations Offered him a job and he moved here And very smart guy, you know great work ethic really very happy, right with with the hire lovely guy

But when I met him now, he's a young guy in his 20s. He had this beard, you know put together and like a little while after He got here. I would not see him for a minute. You know, I'd be like I go touring or something got back And there was a period where I remember I got home and I think you were like, hey, uh Have you seen Danny's hair? and I go Yeah, and you're like, what's going on there and I really I remember I saw it and I was like, oh fuck this guy's depressed, you know Um, yeah, and it like it was like more like it was like it looked like he had put like a hat on

And he was like disheveled and yeah, I remember thinking like, uh, he's really going through something, you know Well, because even these photographs here Yeah, don't really do it justice to how bad it was. It was worse than this. Sure. And I remember I remember thinking like There was the guy that I hired right And then this guy I was like I thought like if I saw this guy in a mug shop, you're like, yeah, this is the kind of guy that gets arrested or something You know, like it wouldn't be and then all of a sudden I think what did you guys bring it up?

So so one day Danny shows up and he has a haircut now because Danny is so new I don't have the heart to tell him. Hey, your hair is wack. You need to you need I need we need to help you here because we're very good at studio jeans If someone's got something going on that's wack, we'll we'll help them. Sure But we didn't I didn't know him well enough So he comes to work and his hair looks fantastic and we all collectively have a sigh of relief And go, oh my god, thank god, Danny. You fixed your hair. It was so bad. I take something quietly I was really relieved too. Yeah, like I was like

Yeah, uh, there was nothing quiet about it. You looked me in the eye Yeah, it looked like shit. It looked like shit I told you that after you got a cut. Yeah, you guys didn't say shit while it looked like that Right, right. And then I came to work and you went thank god. That's all you said. I did say that Christina went, hey, your haircut looks nice and you go, you know what? You needed it really bad He remembers you scarred Danny And then you just got it cut again Yeah, I just got it cut again. Well, it looks great. I was looking like a low-value man

And then it went awesome War room But smoking cigars. Yeah, testosterone. I got the beard coming in dude If you showed up in the war room with your old haircut They'd be like the first thing you need to fucking do is go get a haircut, you know Like if you showed up like in those pictures, they'd be like you cannot you're not welcome in the war room Yeah, no, they would have kicked they wouldn't let me in no, but right now you show up high and tight Yeah, all of a sudden cobertates like this guy. This guy makes some money. You look like you look like you make money right now

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the first step. I haven't made a dime. The first step You make a lot of money. You gotta look like it. Yeah Well, because I think people too like they're gonna see these photographs and they're gonna go guys You're being too hard on Danny But these are actually flattering because what it was it was way fluffier. So he yes, he had kind of a Like an afro It was it was you know, it looks like it looks like you're the kind of person who's like, oh, I don't have seven dollars You know

Like when you meet somebody who's like, yeah, but that costs seven dollars and you're like, oh, okay Yeah, you gotta get you gotta get that done. Yeah, and yeah, yeah, look everyone's happier I moved out to texas and I started watching friday night lights and I was like this guy tim rigging And I was like that could be me in a couple months And then I went home and I like, you know, I look at myself in the mirror and then I leave and I don't know what happens And then I I went home and I saw photographs of myself And I was like this needs to change right now. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. Did you look at yourself? Did you look deeply so nobody close to you?

I looked at myself deep in my eyes and I went off of that And thank god he said yeah Nobody close to you called out your your hair when it was longer. I don't know anybody in texas No, but I mean like you guys when you went home when you went home. Did anybody? Oh, yeah, they're all like you actually They're like, why'd you shave your beard man? You're looking puffy like you have a drink Maybe it was the lack of the beard And then the big puffy hair. Yeah, because you really have to think about the symmetry of one's face

You gotta balance things out right look man. It's good now. No, we're so happy for and all we know is like we hope you're on a schedule Yeah, I've got my guy now. I go in there uh twice a week. They still don't know my name Twice a week is good twice a week. Yeah, I gotta keep it fresh. Yeah Well, good happy to hear it. Yeah, I'm so much happier everybody's happier in the world when Danny's hair looks better Yeah, it was a bummer to have him on the crew at that point. Um I didn't know if I could get close to him or not right because I was like this guy doesn't have good sense We don't know if he has good judgment. Yeah, I don't trust his judgment all my deepest darkest secrets. Oh my god We don't we don't know let's so good if you haven't listened to the episode with chase out donnell and where my mom's at

Danny makes the most amazing confession. I don't want to spoil it, but We discussed i'm just gonna put the question when did you lose your virginity was the question and danie's story Shocked the hell out of everybody. So it's probably the it's probably the best story of it's the best I've never heard it so before in my life. Yeah, where my mom's out episode chase out donnell recent. Um, yeah So yeah nothing that um, we did recently again To celebrate the end of last year And coming into this year

Is that we? Had an employee Outing yes, we did I mean we took them to a fine steak house And the waitress comes out and she's like do you want what basically what prime aged beef? Would you like with your lobster tails everybody? Yeah prime or dry aged? Yes And the wagyu level and yeah drinks. We had appetizers desserts the whole shebang. Yeah, it was a it was a First-rate dinner first-rate dinner. Yes. Did you like the dinner?

Incredible. Yeah. Yeah, it was incredible you guys And then you had to split after dinner. Well, yes, our nanny had to go home. I had to go really no take care of the kids Sure And then I gave out the gifts. Yes, I recorded them for you. I love those videos of you guys opening your gifts So funny and really high quality items. They were blown away. I got a pepperoni blanket for nadav Loved it pepperoni pizza. I've already slept with it. Yeah, and he had got his very own portable urinal Yeah, you you completed the the set you gave me a toilet light last year now. You gave me the portable urinal I can tell what you want me to do

I really would like the portable urinal. Yeah, I've been pissing in my car a lot. So Done sometimes with the kids. Really? Yeah, wait, why? Just I'll be like, ah, it's gonna be a real fucking thing to get them out of the car to go pee So I'll just piss here in this bottle. You're teaching them to piss in bottles in the car You know, that's what you're doing, right? No, they don't know it's happening. They know it's happening They don't you don't hear the sound of the no because I'll I'll do it when I'm like, what do you guys want to listen to? And they'll be like sitting there distracted and then I'm pissing this bottle Gg sees you pulling your dick out in the public

You're pulling your dick out in the car in public and urinating into a can. What are you peeing into? Just fucking whatever's around. I'm gonna barf. Are you leaving it in there? I know you're not I leave it in there for the drive. But then I yeah, when I soon as I park I empty it Yeah, of course and people see you emptying a piss cup sometimes Yeah, you know, he's a like a big thing of yellow just like this. Yeah, and you're like And then everybody's like, isn't that Tom's a girl? You know people recognize you constantly now. Well, I say it's a it's lemon lime Gatorade I just pour it into a different bottle, you know, that's so good. What a good lesson to teach our sons. Thank you for that

That's pretty cool. Yeah Um, oh, hey, did you notice anything else in your gift bag? Uh, a nice holiday card And and a nice bonus So you did get it, uh-huh Okay Did you have one any Uh, I I did I did it was very nice. I was actually gonna, uh, give you a big thanks after today's

today's show But uh, I feel like maybe it was too late now You know who did thank me? Who chris larson? Wow chris larson's a good boy. Who else dany? Oh Danny's a good boy too. I I send a text to christina saying thank you Which phone? The one that you texted me on asking me if I had the thing in my back. Oh, I was a little drunk. Sorry I did say thank you. I said pass it on to tom, please. Okay. Well, we can you want to check the record your honor?

I was drunk. I'm not gonna lie. Let's see I don't know Okay You read it read the exchange. Okay, because he didn't initiate He didn't initiate. Thank you What did I text to him first? I I prompted the exchange didn't I? um Oh, you did you said you guys know your bonus checks were in the bags, right?

Just to make sure because I'm like, you know, I didn't just get you a fucking pepperoni blanket like an asshole He said I figured it out I think you guys so much very generous. Oh, you did thank okay. Appreciate both of you a lot. Okay, and wouldn't I write back? I didn't see that one Okay, so good. Okay. Wow. You mean you really threw at me for a loop here Not sharing that I was drunk. I was drunk I mean, I drank a lot of wine and then I came home and I was like, that was really looking forward to shaming him, but he Sorry, I'm sorry

Well, he could have texted you. I mean He could have texted you directly You know, you guys live together. So I imagined That's right. He could have texted you directly That's true And also you pulled up this morning to the office and there was no space for you Yeah, that's another thing I pulled up and there's all these like front of the door spaces And they were all taken

So I have to walk further And then I get here and their fucking Control room is enormous What are we gonna do for Danny and Chris for thanking us? Good boys. Good boys get thanks Good good boys. You ever remember highlights magazine goofus and gallant Pull it up. Go ahead And goofus and gallant gallant teaches you what not to do in the world

I mean gallant teaches you the good thing and goofus teaches you what not to do See So read it if you can see what what goofus and gallant do hit that one Is that which one? No, the right one. That's the one I grew up on that old school right there Let's see Oh boy Oh dear, it's not great resolution. Well, read it out loud to us. Read it. No, I mean, I can't read it either Yeah, I'll find a better one. It's just it's just low res

But the whole point of them is to those are new I like the old school what goof is showing to show you Good behavior. Uh, that one's legible right legible Goofus runs with the scissors pointing up Gallant walks with the scissors pointing down. Yeah Right, so who are you going to be or a goofus or a gallant? Are you going to be Nadab and any or chris and dany? That's right That's a good point This is a fun game. I think

But chris and dany are good boys. Yeah, so how do we reward good boys? Uh, I think we should send them on a trip That's a great idea Yeah, where should we send them? I don't know somewhere fun Mexico, okay Now we have to see if they have their passports I wish we can get it done. Yeah, great idea. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They go to romania Go to

I don't know if they'll come back. So we I don't know Once chris got a taste of the strippers live show Kind of shifted his you know Well, I suggest that we send chris to hedonism That'd be great in jamaica. I think that'd be really fun. Yeah. He's just knee deep in jamaican pussy for a weekend Well, dany single too. Yeah, they could go have some fun. That's what i'm saying Maybe we should send them to like a singles place like that. Yeah

Like I don't know club mad or something. Let's figure it out. Yeah, they deserve a trip good boys Good boys say thank you good boys get a trip. Yep I agree And I I take it the next time I pull up here, there'll probably be a space out front, you know, yeah There'll probably be a normal thing And I hope the control room is a fucking hell of a lot smaller all right Yeah, I agree tom

Speaking of i'm the good one today. You guys are the bad ones I'm just glad to be on the good team today. I'm on tom's good side I It's nice to not be the target of your ass And someone else is someone else You have to stop commenting Daddy on all of my posts I ain't your daddy

Hate to break it to you, but I ain't your daddy and your real daddy's probably getting his feelings hurt I appreciate the support. It's a little weird, but I do appreciate the support Now you like that I liked it. I don't think he understands the daddy. I don't think he does either. Yeah, it's a good thing They're calling you daddy Zaddy We didn't even comment on daddy la lagone. I know he's still fired up and then he still gives time for his shout outs Which is so cool takes it back to uh Being reasonable. Thank you for supporting me. Yeah, like thank you for the bonus like he says it

So look obviously see you're not gonna listen to my orders that I command to you. Okay, so you hear me So look bro, you're not gonna listen to me when I tell you to stop commenting daddy Stop calling me lalo stop doing this and bro you keep you keep my comment section telling me do I like men? I like women I like women don't ever say that again You hear me? I like women don't ever say that again in my comments that you hear me Don't ever say that again in my comment section, bro. Now have a good rest of your day It's the best god, I wish we could see I would it's the I would love it But he wouldn't deliver not like in a tate way. No, you know, I do think I think cobra has a

an awareness a spark a spark a chutzpah if you will very rare Um that he needs to oh, that's a jew word. Yeah, he knows the eddish words confirmed. Yeah. Yeah It's very rare. He's very charismatic. Yeah, very very Unique person definitely. Yeah, it's it's funny because we were talking at dinner There was one point in the interview where I was like, you know cobra 10 years ago Yeah, and then all of you thought I was gonna say I would have banged you. Yeah Everybody at the table was like, you know, I'm like, no, dude. I was with him

I'm like 10 years ago I would have argued with him about his viewpoints and then you get older and you're like, I'm not gonna Anybody's fine about anything. No, I totally I think everybody did you were like, you know what? No, some man. Yeah 10 years ago. Oh, okay No, but also I thought and then you said, you know, I would uh Argue with you then and I said I bet you that's actually how he gets laid a lot Yeah, because I've been around guys like him like socially Yeah, and they always engage that woman who wants to argue and then all of a sudden they leave together and you're like

Oh, it's like she's like you're such an asshole. Yeah. Let's fuck. Why am I? Yeah. Yeah. It's almost like that negative Yes, it's it's negging as the as mystery would say he'd be like, you're not that pretty. What what do you mean? I'm not that pretty. Yeah. I think your hair probably looks better if it's pulled back. Yeah, like what? Oh, this is our dumb bitches podcast. Yeah, those girls would have there he is with mystery. Yeah, Eric von Markovic Yeah, yeah Great. This is a great show. God. I can't I can't get enough of mystery. Does it have like a does it say in his wikipedia? What he um Like what how does he make money? Well, just like is this like current like is he still?

Because I remember that thing was that was a while ago, man. Yeah. Yeah, the last thing says 2004 10 of 2000. That's it Right. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, that's when that was that's when it was on tv, right? Was it vh1 or something? Yeah, yeah, oh, he's 50 now Yeah, I remember he was wearing that ridiculous fucking outfit the steam pump goggles and the he looked like um He looked like the singer from uh, uh, was it virtual insane like that song? Jameriqua I can't believe I knew that. Yeah, I don't know anything and I knew jameriqua. He looks like he's fucking in jameriqua

Yeah, he does do that totally What happened to jameriqua? He was good too. He's probably a pickup artist now, you know, virtual insanity That was a jam though. It was jam. I thought he was black jameriqua. I don't know. He doesn't look black there Yeah, he probably you know stayed out of the sun Oh god, is that him now? No, no, he didn't raid the capital. Okay. Thank you. Everybody kind of looks like that too Yeah Well, that that song was a hit. But yeah, that that mystery guy looks so ridiculous I remember watching that show because that was what was it early 2000s early 2000s great show and you're like, what?

Is this the way you get chicks? It is apparently the dumb ones, you know, the ones was severe. That's the thing though It works. It works on the broken girl broken Listen, if you want to get laid, that's your that's the demo the girl, you know I would still here's the thing I would still watch his show if this was like a current show If he's doing it nothing more fun than watching Guys try to get laid. It's the best. Yeah, and I would like to see a reboot of him at 50 And how does because he can't you can't do all this nonsense at 50

So maybe he's got a suit on maybe he's trying to be the baller Yeah, but here's the thing though. You can't that's a bad. Oh, that's a bad. Oh, yeah hit his twitter. That's his twitter there So he's still got bad advice is is um because people some people try to do this appear to try to be a baller You don't want to ever try To do something that you have to fully pretend to be You know what I mean, right? It's like for for getting laid. So if someone's like If I can pretend that you're Uh rich or something

It's not you know, it's not who you like it's better to have game something to say Then to be like create an illusion of like Wealth, you know, I mean that's dangerous to lie about well, of course because then I mean Yeah, even if it does work, you know, he looks good. It's gonna work once. No, he looks he looks fine. Yeah But I wonder what he's what he's doing for like for if he's still

Last tweet is 2019 last 2019. What does it say? Uh Having fun in vegas It does say pickup artists. So he's probably still teaching I mean, he's still probably that guy that like teaches people how to pick up right, you know what the thing is It's that pickup artist has is has a stigma And really what you want from this guy is teach you how to engage Conversation that's really what talk to women. He's helping people who like I don't know how to talk

Let me tell you something. So I started watching the netflix Reboot of of the real world basically. It's the same premise. They take, you know, six or eight young people They put them in a house. They have it on netflix. Yes. So netflix redid it in austin here And they took kids from everywhere in fall of 2021 put them in a you know, two different houses Now they do it the boys and the girls are separated And it's the same thing over and over now. Here's the best part the hot Black chick where she's a gorgeous girl. There she is. She's into the fucking nerd The one who wants to be a stand-up comic

That guy He has zero game and she's so taken in the first episode anyway. I don't know where it goes But she's so taken by him the shirtless guy. Yes. Yes. He's he is not he's like brand new stand-up comedian And she's a Bert fan. Yeah I think what she's taken by is that he is like Not self-conscious. Yeah, like he's so who he is. He's so grounded in who he is. That's attractive. That's attractive You don't need money. You don't need a car. Right, but if you're grounded, you know, who the fuck you are Or at least you're honest about or it reads as honest. Yeah

I think that's very attractive. I think you're totally right. Ultimately what works is authenticity, right? Yeah, and and You actually find that you're attracted to people that are you know, you can get You can get Whatever swindled by somebody that's not but what really attracts you is when somebody's genuine Calm energy and they're just like look. This is what it is. So I started watching this because you know, I love I love the real world I'm I love reality shows and it's so funny because I thought oh It's going to be so different in 2021 compared to the real different toilet same shit different toilet 20 years later These dumb motherfuckers are doing the same shit. We were okay

So episode one guess what they're doing hooking up in the pool You dumb fuck. Don't you know, you're gonna live with these people for two months in two weeks from now You're gonna be taking his shit with the door open in front of that guy. You're not gonna want to fuck him So this is rule not this is like reality shown 101 of the real world and road rules Never hook up with your roommates because they're gonna be your bros for the next two months So I waited to hook up until the camera stopped rolling at least and I made out with the Puerto Rican Oscar on the rap when we wrapped up, but Didn't fuck any any cast members. It's a real nice story. Thank you

And I let them get me on camera doing anything that that's stupid that is smart. Yeah, I probably would I was so self-conscious at that age I probably would have been like you I've been like no way wait wait and then cameras off and you know, what's so funny too is they're all like I'm just so excited to get a trip to Austin and like a chance to start my life And it's like you can You can move to Austin without a camera crew following Like you just need to most of us have you can just get together some money save your money And you can move to Austin and not have to but I was so stupid when I was at age

I was like because I just come back from studying abroad and I was like I just want to travel again and then the road rules thing. I was like I get to travel. Okay. Yeah, here's my life Yeah Fucking idiot. Yeah, but I saw the blonde girl say it. She's really cute. She's also bisexual So that's a new addition to this generation big deal. Yeah, she's a bisexual I think we had a bisexual in the real world too. How you doing? Not on my season, but like the later one What season were you? I know that I wrote six Australia six There was five before you. Mm-hmm damn

And then like 20 million after me like people that they just took off the internet to do their show They didn't even cast them. It was so weird Anyway, it's it. They're so dumb they're all they all want the same things every dumb person wants to hook up I just want to find myself. We'll follow what I'm doing. Tom, do the 20 year old girl voice. I love it. I love the of 20 something so Um, definitely I find out who I am That's all I yeah And there's this one scene where they're like poppa and I came up. Let's suck this dick in the bad guy

There is one scene where they just go to a bar in Austin just a bar It's not anything like it's a bar and they're just like We're in a bar and I'm like, can you even remember being that excited about being in a fucking bar? Not really. Who cares? I don't think I ever was that excited. I don't think I ever was about just a bar I always hated woors, you know, whoo like all those The fucking worst we went to a live event here in Austin. I dragged you to a charlie brown christmas. Yeah Yeah And

Charlie brown christmas kind of a sub dude crowd. Okay. It's kind of a lot of middle ages Older people if you like the music of charlie brown, you have a certain age certain type, okay But next to us was a younger chick And she was all about letting people know that she was into vince gore all these music do her do her whistle She was just like Whoo, whoo, whoo, there she would go Yeah, like the cops

Yeah, yeah, like we we get it you've got a special she sat right next to us right next to us Yeah, you like this music more than anyone like yeah Because you make a special sound that no one else is making yeah It felt like she needed to be heard and seen and that was someone to be like have you noticed this fan A more valuable fan than everybody else here Right. It was it was it was an attention seeking behavior. Yeah, and I I resent loud wooers people that do the whistle like Events you're like, what do you do get your fingers out of your mouth? I can't do it the like that whistle That makes you like you're like is your dog here? Why would you fucking do that man? We're indoors

Yeah, I don't know how people can do that sound. I don't know aggressive. I know and people love doing it I'm sure at football games. You've been to a million. Yeah, but they're kind of bleeds into everything else, right? But like you're like because you're also outside Yeah, if you're an indoor place and someone does that whistle at a charlie brown christmas whistle that would make a golden retriever stop running It's fucking scary. I'm like shut the fuck up That's the sound of the police That's the sound

Yeah Absolutely You know, how does it go anything? That's the sound of the police Yeah, it wasn't that concert any it was It was not the buggy down Bronx And the peppermint patty theme Yeah

That chick was crazy Yeah, she and she you know what I noticed too is that so her bow was sitting behind her. I don't know if you caught this Maybe yeah, yeah, I did I did and they were using Really like flowery language to joke with one another Like well, that's a regular inconsistency in my plan or like they were bantering in a way that was like dorky Yeah, well, they were dorks. You didn't pick up on that There were super fucking dorks like the majority of the people there. Hey I was definitely an outsider in that group. I appreciate you coming with me. It was fucking dork central

I appreciated you coming. I was crying so much during Christmas time is here Yeah Happiness it's the saddest christmas song and I love it. Yeah, it's it was beautiful music. I also was completely Confused. I thought we were going to see like an orchestra perform. So did I and it's a three-piece band There was a guy on drums a guy on cello and a piano player. Yeah, and I was like, oh I really thought we were going to see like the you know, like the la philharmonic like the a whole elaborate thing Well, so did I when I bought the tickets. It was at the paramount

And I thought oh gosh this many people want to see Vince Guaraldi's music This is going to be a big event and we get there and we get in the line And oh the line's all the way back there all the way back there We're like gee I had no ideas and people are wearing, you know, they're christmas outfits And I was like, this is gonna be rad and then um We hear them behind us some drunk girl walks by and goes, what are you guys on the line for And then this guy's like pretty good. Did you like that one? Yeah, remember her and then this guy's like, it's lakazha fallies

It's a it's a christmas drag show and I was like what we're not in line for yeah And then somebody asked me and they were like, what are you going to see and I was like, it's charlie brown christmas That's not what this is And so our line was significantly smaller and it was in the smaller theater of of the venue so state Yeah, I had no idea Yeah, that's where they that's one of the places where they go grab a mask Yeah, and you had to grab a mask to walk through the lobby and then it's a small theater

It's a couple hundred seat theater. Yeah, and then when you sit down you could take your mask off I was like, what's the point of living? Yeah, this doesn't make a lot of sense. Well That's what that is bros But I appreciate you coming with me. I think I owe you now an event Yeah, I don't know what that will be but I will come with you now if you want to watch foosball or Or what are you into? What are you? Bukakis? No, uh No, I'll I'll I'll think of something. You know what I would like to see

Um MMA fight. You want to go to a fight? You go see joe Commentate. I'd love to come. Okay. That'll be cool. That would be cool. Those are really fun Yeah, those are really fun. The atmosphere is like it's unlike anything else. How long do they go for? How long do they kick each other? It's hours long, but I mean, you know, it's a different fight every time So what happens is you you get there, um, you know, the event kind of starts I would say it's probably I don't know three hour plus event, but You know, you're watching the lower Draw lower tier kind of fighters in the beginning and then

The later the show goes you move to the main card, which is uh, but there's also, you know, you can walk out get something to eat something to drink You have access to kind of walk back and forth and if you're with him you have these incredible Seats. Mm. Good. You sit right there the cage. I want to see the sweat Yeah, you'll see it. You see people's fucking face. Yeah, it is insane. Well, you know, because fights are inherently exciting Yeah, and you're watching top level fighters. It's funny because I saw the highlights From um, what does barstool do? They do the uh backyard rough and rowdy rough and rowdy and like how poorly those guys fight Because they're the regular guys. Yeah, and it's it's a great concept

It's like a brilliant concept, but it's like a couple guys like Challenge each other talk mad shit, but they're not pro fighters. I like this idea. So it's a great concept But when as soon as you watch like the first frame, you're like, oh my god these guys Do not know what they're doing Um, and they end up hurting each other. They end up, you know, still having the the Result you want to see from a fight, but you're just watching You know, not professionals and you watch fucking like a UFC fight

That's what I want to see fighters in the world. I want to see you know, I think you just gave me the best idea for a reality show Hear me out We've it's called beef Not the strip club that you love In london, Ontario Um the beef baron. Yeah, but um, okay It's two guys who fucking hate each other, right? And you just like I hate sam because he stole my girlfriend in fucking seventh grade I've been thinking about this motherfucker. Yeah for 20 years. I want to fight his ass

And then the other guy's like, I hate tony this piece of shit thinks I stole his girlfriend She's my wife. We have five kids now. Fuck you tony And then they meet and then we just watch them fight in a parking lot and then at the end I'm like, I love you man Like because you know how guys. Yeah. Yeah, sometimes make up There was a real I guess one that made the rounds of that because I don't know if that's how these the origins of these rough and rowdy ones like if it starts with Personal vendetta kind of challenge like this But great show

There was one where the guy knocked somebody out. I think one of the more recent ones And then like continued to say the Wildest shit like as he was leaving the ring and it was It was pretty nutty. I mean he was super disrespectful. Still mad. Oh, yeah, like Super disrespectful. It's on their instagram and he's saying the craziest shit if you pull up the Their instagram You'll

Yeah, you I don't know if it's that one or the rough and rowdy instagram But why is it that physical confrontation is what works with men? It generally tends to get get it out and then you guys are bros because we're well sometimes sometimes um It you see uh We see that a second one there That could be it That could be it

It was very good Yeah, that's the guy he called out bobby lang He called somebody out Disrespectful I like the announcer. Can you scroll on this? Is oh, yeah, go to the far right there. Is that post fight? Okay, fight's over. You win, right? So it's like you said. Yeah, he's like, fuck you, dude I'm looking so I he's still giving him the fight. But wait, wait, hold on

So it's super disrespectful because you you already you went in the fight Let it play right here Before during or after what you just did fuck all these fucking inbred trash in this fucking arena That can suck my fucking dick and bobby lang you small dick spineless fuck You're afraid of saw I told you to fuck your wife. I'm gonna eat her fucking push you like a hungry hungry hippo Where the fuck are you bobby? You're nowhere to be found you cowardly fuck and the CEO of fucking business insider Henry blow dick You're a fucking coward. I'm a fucking murder you in this motherfucking ring

Bring you bring anybody use this dirty detail. It's only a black glass 32 seats. Fuck. I don't give a fuck anybody I just support any of them you guys anybody support men for vaccinations You ain't fucked you you ugly fuck All right, that's what I'm talking about. I don't even know who See what I mean That was I could watch that forever So but it could also kind of negates what you're like after the fight. I guess yeah, he's still fired up But did he fight the guy long enough? Maybe he wanted to do more damage. I don't know

Obviously, there's a history leading up to that because you know, you said I like this. That's what I'm saying I don't know the setup. I don't know if the setup is similar to beef or how it got there I like beef setup better You really get to highlight what it is that the two guys hate about each other I will say bad strategy on the other guy's side to show up and like Cacky dark pant or dickies or whatever like he wore full pants, bro You can't move they're not real fighters in pants But you should have worn shorts like the other guy at least look the part right the way you can't fight in slacks

No, you cannot you shouldn't be fighting in slacks. Do you remember the um the gag? A couple where the guy makes it and then the lady can't I don't like this couple. Why they're hilarious Yeah, for you, but for me, it's I don't like the bar I'm gonna get you again. I know let's do it again That's why do this All right, well we played them a bunch and then they watched ymh shut the front door So this is them, uh watching Why makes is she gonna barf watching herself? I don't know

Or are you watching the ymh podcast or we are out today It's the guy eating the raw meat is that if she can't That is they're my favorite couple ever. I wonder if she ever actually throws up or if she's just dry heaps I don't know dude. There's got to be a point where sometimes she pukes, right? Yeah, I imagine so because that is so strong reflex. Yeah I mean me dry you watching her dry I don't like that. Yeah. Well, she's sweet though. They're sweet. They're very sweet. Yeah. I really like it. Yeah, Jesus uh, so

Yeah, I took you on the uh the hill climb today that you that you did half these on And we ran into a neighbor. Oh my gosh A couple actually. Well, let me let me tell you why okay, so we you we tried out for we walk around our neighborhood We seldom do And you are the bell of the ball. No, they all come out No we've gotten We've gotten invited to their how everyone's home for dinner four different dinner invitations

Just this week alone And when you tried out there all the dads come out and they're like, well, it's not thompson gritt and they all come out With their weights walking and they're crazy hats And they want to talk shop with you. I got a funny joke for you and they want to tell you the jokes That's true. Yeah, huh? So well, no, they're like he's the bell of the ball. Stop. So we We have very nice neighbors like the bachelor We have to give somebody a rose. Who are you going to give your rose to but aren't they the nicest for real though? I've never had neighbors like this. I've never experienced the kindness that we've received in austin

It really has been great really sweet people And uh, I've no actual neighbors like I've never known before But this one neighbor today. He's like, hey, uh, he goes I'm gonna ask you something and I go, okay. What's up? He goes, you know, I was watching one of your specials and I was like, uh, oh That's never a good start to the convo because you don't know where that's gonna go I don't know if it's gonna be like, you know, my mother Yeah, i'm christian. Yeah, so he goes, uh, you know, you were going on on this motherfucker thing I was like, what?

And he goes, oh, you probably don't remember because you I go, it's true. I do forget. I do forget bits, you know Because you do them You shoot it you shelve it and you start working on new stuff. So I obviously read like I can remember it But he's like, you know that motherfucker thing you do and I was like, mm-hmm He goes You know, like Talking about the word motherfucker. I'm like, I do a bit about that. I don't even remember this

So he's like, but that kind of begs the question, you know, how that term came about and I was like Yeah, he's like, so how many how many guys you think do it and I go Do what he's like, what he's like fuck their mothers and I go, oh I go He goes can't be many right? I go can't be many But it's more than you want it to be, you know, and literally this is Tom and I like Walking up the hill like I don't know. No, and then motherfucker. Yeah, I don't know I go down the hill because what I do because I learned from Sean that you can go up more than once

Yeah, um, so I go down the hill with him and he's like, I mean, how many guys you think do it? I go I don't know man, but definitely more than you want it to be and he goes Yeah, and then I turn around and go up the hill and he's gonna go the other way. He goes, I'll keep walking with you so We turn around and we start going up the hill and he's like, I mean it has to be right it has to be He's like, what gets you to fuck your mother? He's like, I go it's gotta be trauma He goes trauma. I'm like, yeah, like a personality disorder abuse

You know or like your mom's real hot and you just can't wait to fuck her And he's like, yeah, he goes now. Anyway, we keep talking. He's like now there's There's like there and then there's daughter fuckers because that's probably a higher number I go. Yeah, but no one says you daughter fucker. You know, they say motherfucker. And then we kept talking Go down the hill again. I turn around and go back up the hill and he goes, well, I'm gonna go this way now Okay, I'll see you and then at the end of the walk He comes up to me and he goes, no, that's not what it is Like he had thought about this

Right And I go He thought about it. He revised his opinion. What's not he goes. It's not people Who fuck their mothers? And I go Okay, he goes It's it's supposed to describe a mean person. Yeah, it's somebody who would fuck your mother That's what it comes from and I was like, you're right You're right like the like the etymology has to be

Right that like this guy's a motherfucker because what's a The ultimate disrespect is disrespecting someone's mother someone's mom So the way to describe someone who's mean or a real asshole is like he'll fuck your mom. He'll fuck your mom That's a motherfucker. Bro. You just blew my mind. He blew my mind. Yeah Wow Shout out to the neighbor for blowing our minds. I go, you know, I never really thought about it And when he planted the seed of like someone who fucks their mother, I was like, uh, yeah I guess I never really thought about it. It was a hot topic. And then I I heard you guys like I we crossed paths and I got in

Nailed it. No, he nailed it because then I started asking I was like, well, are there some societies that Don't fucking your mom for sure. Yeah, or is it desirable? We've been to war with them Yeah, he uh, but he nailed which country's that you know Uh But uh, yeah, what an interesting chat. Yeah for a morning stroll That was a morning stroll this morning and he came out guns blazing. He did. That was pretty great I like he was doing Fucking wait. He was carrying weights and doing lunges. I know

He's a powerhouse and he's 20 years older than me. I like I like these people in our neighborhood. They're all very very bright Criven good people. Sweet people. Well, what cool. I'm glad. I you know, I'm looking forward to making better friends with them Yeah, so we also had our son's sixth birthday Um, a while back and listen bros. It was 20 kids And I I outsourced it. I learned the lesson don't have 20 kids in your house. So I set it up at this local You know game place and it was rad. We did pac-man cake glow in the dark party. It was wild um, one thing I noticed culturally

Is that dads really do their own thing? Um For for instance, I saw so the moms all you know, especially in the south. I think it's a little more segregated Socially the women showed up mom only a lot and that happens a lot at the kinder parties because the moms will go Oh, my husband's golfing today or she's getting a massage. She's no interest in the in coming to a kinder party Like who the fuck wants to go to a kinder party? Of course, obviously but yes, so But some yeah, so it was a lot of moms with their kid

Or kids and then you saw couples come mom and dad. I don't think we had any dad solo It was moms and dads. It's mom all day Moms and dads and the dads at one point. I saw Like three in the hallway. Yeah, that was awesome. That was the best So their kids are in like the little party room and the dads are just congregating like what's up, man? Like just just shooting the shit total avoidant dads that are like i'm in the hallway. I'm not another dad I'm not even a dad brought a book That's the best dad. He brought a book. I didn't see that. That was awesome. I saw him. I was like, oh

He had a fucking big ass book. He's i'm just gonna sit over here read this Well, while these kids fuck around And then reading dads Now here's the thing. I I was engaged for a while. You did great I I welcomed I welcomed the parents and the kids. I gave out Like cards these little cards were game cards game cards games with I went into the game place I took our son. You played with juju and the analyst and I I but I'm saying Alice's birthday

So I would take him and he asked me to play again. I played every game. He wanted me to play I watched him. He's like watch me do this again. I would watch him do it 15 times But it also it ran into being like it was like hour three. Yeah, where I noticed That this place Had a massage chair And you know who I noticed in that chair Another dad Another dad was in it as soon as he popped up. Yeah, there's a there's a dad area

I popped in there's my husband at our six year old's birthday party I think you'd put a half hour worth of time In your massage chair because I was like I was with juju and I was like, where's Tommy? Has anyone seen my husband? Yeah, and then someone just points and I see this and I'm like I have to get a picture This is absurd. Yeah But brilliant move on this place they know exactly the parents needs let me tell you why this place is great They've got all these massage chairs. Yeah, and then just the loungy chairs. They serve beer wine snacks sugar

Everything they do everything. It's all they need is a nap lounge for the parents and it would be like complete But I just I was fully cooked at that point fully cooked. Yeah fully cooked um This is so funny, dude. Look at you. It really does make me one of those chairs I know can I say I've wanted not even though I want to get like I want to find out what the best fucking chair is I'm serious make burt get you one for your next gift. It's not expensive enough Oh my god, this is so we'll have him get us two one for each of us. No, we're like seven. Oh my god, huh? Yeah, that looks pretty. What it's a pod. What can we can we click on that one? Let's see what the most elaborate

Look at the massage chair. Hold on. I want one that makes it fully dark Google um best massage chair reviews and we'll see It's gotta be what about one that that cranks your dick too. Like a hand comes out and just jays your d for you I would sign up for that as well And he likes that one Oh, this is like, okay Let's see it. That's what I'm talking about. I know has some weight to it. You know, I know

Really wraps you in you put it in the bedroom In the bedroom the bedroom. Yeah, so you can just go right to sleep. I mean, uh, yeah, I would be The kids would fuck it up so fast. Yeah, those two little guys. Maybe we just have it in the studio It's not a bad idea that fucking chance well, if there's Any massage chair companies listening that would like to sponsor one Actually, we could we could keep it here in the studio, but we would have it in a room with a door lock that only I have But it'd be a glass door so you could look at it

That's it could watch you smiling What is how about this best massage chair or most expensive massage chair? Well, I'm curious. Okay. How much do you think you could spend on a massage chair? Um I mean that one looks pretty crazy the inata robo massage chair with facial recognition. Yes, we could put it So it's only my face So stupid And I was like, how does this thing turn on when tom sits in it? Yeah

How about that? Yeah, let's see. What is the most expensive massage chair? That's another interesting one. Maybe it's gotta be Maybe good boys get massage chairs for christmas. Oh my god Chris and danny. Yep the two good boys Oh, let's see that Oh my god, it tells you you can't afford it Wow I don't know. Does that like come with the car? Yeah, I don't understand why the ferrari's this one's 30,000 30,000 dollars

What does it say about it? I can't read it Uh vital signs measurement fingerprint authentication. That's what's up lamborghini licensed design But that's why you're paying it's really because it's the lamborghini designed it Scroll to the next is there another one or is it just a list of one? See this one was in the other that that thing is looks insane A hybrid massage mechanism automatic shiatsu point search system five finger massage technique Oh, see because like cheaper ones just have like one thing. This makes it feel like there's a hand. I bet it says five finger Heating function facial recognition voice adjustment. That is and that's fucking 14 grand 14,000

I will order one today. Oh my god. Scroll to the next one And that was the other one the dyowa I like that that feels like like a pod but you can really you could really Get dark in them. You know, I need to do go try these Yeah, where I don't know The sharper image remember they used to have these they don't have that sharp not though not that level Babe, you have your eyes shut At the arcade place like you're fully I was done your hands folded

Hands folded on your chest. Yeah eyes shut. I mean cooked. I was fully done cooked That was exhausting as pocket You're so funny and you're velour dad. Oh man jacket. All right. Well, this is good. Send me that link I might get me a treat I've always wondered would you really use it though if you hadn't you know That's I think a big thing is where that thing is it's huge. Like no, I'm saying in the house in your house Yeah, like you have to put it somewhere where kids can't get to you while you're using it Like for instance this morning

You know julian's crying. I could take that one chair out of my office The like the chair that someone else sits in Oh, yeah, I make that a massage you massage your little asshole in that chair Yeah, yeah, what if it had what if okay, what if you could custom Your massage chair and you're like I also want your little hole Yeah, and you're like, but I want my asshole massage like what you're like fucking make it. I'm like, you know where my prostate is, right? Okay, you come Yeah, come chair. Yeah, that's pretty cool. It cleans you up too. I like it like wipes you down hot towel comes out

It cleans you all off. No, you forgot it right up here Um, all right, like the Jetsons. Let me show you this the future the future fine cars and just call it the cum chair In chairs that'll jack you off You gotta get it going buddy. Oh This is so awesome. Uh, oh, we actually get to see I didn't know we had this Fed smoker work in a case. No, I've never seen him work a case And it actually looks like like a student film Like it looks like a shitty student film of like, all right, you're a detective and you're down and out

And you sleep in your car And you drink and you smoke too much, but you gotta solve this case, you know, yeah What's your name, ma'am? How do you look so young? What's your operator number 29 what's so hard about that what'd you pause for she's just scared about Look when's the chief gonna be in Ding ding motherfucker I asked you when the fucking chief's gonna be in

Come fuck it play little games with me motherfucker. Okay. He's on the case on the case Yeah, and it's like a bad script like I could have written this script in college like ding ding motherfucker And he's got his magnum pi shirt on and he shades like he is on the flames all over his shirt He's rad. What's in his hand that it's like a pipe. I don't know lead pipe. I think it might be a recorder. That's good Yeah, he always he would always collect multiple recordings So he's got the camera going the audio only recording. Yeah, but he does have don't you fucking kick me under the table He's got all his um Teeth

Yeah, this is early. I mean his his hair looks better. His skin looks better. This is yeah before things changed Yeah, he's got good hair, but he's definitely super aggressive. Yeah, super. But this is kind of what dany's hair was like before the cut When you say it does have a real dany Maybe that's why I was so unsettled by it. I was like is that fed smoker? Yeah How you doing sheriff? What's your name, buddy? Ding ding I asked you what your fucking name is motherfucker

Oh, yeah, you gonna do this, huh? You going on the net as a baby raper after I get your name now, buddy. Okay I mean I'm like, can't you see this playing At like a first year films dude like yeah, they're like, okay. I see what you're doing. Yeah, I have friends that made Movies like this in college. I made shit like this. Yeah. No, this is good. I actually like this And I'll be sitting there in the corner like Do you like my film?

It's called herk the true fed smoker. Yeah He's got a guy who's on a plight for justice. Yeah He's putting away bad cops. He's putting away bad guys. Especially the ones that molest children. Yeah. Oh my god I think the language is pretty aggressive Ding ding motherfucker. That's really funny. I like that. That's like his like his yippie-ki-yay motherfucker You know, that's his catchphrase Are you gonna give me your name, buddy? This is connell peterson, okay, huh?

Connell c o n a l d peterson, what's your name? I'm a sheriff here. Well, what's your name, buddy? Don't be scared to give your name I'm calling about murder, buddy. Okay, possible murder. I want to know what happened to that retarded kid I definitely wrote the script Yeah, is this yours? Yeah, I could definitely see me being like and then he just wants to know what happened to the return Oh my god, give you do you know anything about a kid that was mentally challenged and retarded that got murdered? Look at me, sir Pardon

Why don't you stick the phone up to your ear and try to listen? Okay Okay, we're doing do what because the whole world's gonna hear this. What's your name anyways? You don't need to know my name. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna get your name in about three seconds. Okay after I call the state patrol We're gonna track your name Okay Okay, and I think you talked square enough to where I'm not gonna put you on the net as a baby raper for your blog You can build a youtube site around your name. Okay I mean you would at least have to commend

Some of these filmmaking skills. I think this is the one of the most compelling videos. Yes. I I prefer this era of his work the early years This is when he still had some sense to him. It deteriorated rapidly. He has a sense of drama. I love it. Yeah, I love it And there's a storyline. I'm looking for the retarded kid Who was murdered who was murdered he never had that through line like a sense of justice It was always this Vague baby raping story, but this is a specific kid we're looking for and he definitely Has this sheriff

scared This guy is is scaring a law enforcement person a sheriff and did not get it. He's like, uh, you don't need to know my name He's like, yeah, I'll fucking put you on youtube Baby raper and the guy's like, um scare. He's scared. Yeah. Yeah, he's running for his life He is yeah got him on the run. Good job fed smoker. Yeah, this is connell peterson Yeah, I mean he sound it sounds like An actor in like a in a movie, right? It sounds like he's going yeah Yeah, he's going for that

Which is interesting to see his creative choices early on like i'm gonna he's got kind of like a bruce willis Quality and diehard you would see this guy, you know, he could have been The bad guy in a movie. Yeah, I think he could have been yeah Interesting and we saw him, you know sing before and play piano I bet you had a pretty good artistic side to him. Yeah, he's creative. He could deliver a line I asked you what your fucking name is motherfucker, right? Yeah Yeah, no, I bet you wish you could cast him in something. I know that'd be awesome I want to know what happened to that retarded kid

Wouldn't it be great if we could write a movie with all the cool guys? Yeah, and cast them all I mean the ones that are still alive. That's the thing is that number keeps going down There's not a lot left. I know. Hey, I'm gonna take a leak and then we'll do sure a leak out of where Best part of the day Yeah Yeah, I still love tiktok. I It's been a different vibe on there lately, but I'm I've found some like silly bangers for you I found some why is the vibe changing it always is in flux creatively like what's going on

Um, a lot of people are reposting their best video of the year that got the most hits Oh, yeah, and the year stuff is happening, right? So I'm seeing a lot of really quality talks Being that I maybe have missed the first time around so that was pretty cool. Yeah But I'm excited to see which ones we're gonna look at today. Let's see where this should go So this one I thought you liked because it's educational Um, I don't know if you remember as a kid growing up you would see those guys in national geographic with the lip plates It's an aesthetic choice and some african tribes But I is that one of those guys it's a lip plate guy and you often wonder like well

How do they drink water and I my whole life? I've like how do they eat? How do they drink? And this is one of those neat talks that shows you how so they they have to put a second Thing in there. Let's watch the footage again because I've watched it four or five times that I'm not sure either So there's two plates upper and that's the lower And he fills that with water. It looks like Yeah, I gotta tell you something. I fucking Hate this video I

Yeah, you know, you're just culturally insensitive I didn't like that at all. I know remember like when you would see as a kid those women with the rings around their necks You know like in tribes too. It's like sign of great beauty. How many rings the woman has. Yeah. Yeah, those are kind of like Cooler though, like I mean it definitely throws you you're like holy shit, but it's like those Eight rings around her neck and she has this long crazy neck. It's gorgeous. Yeah, they're beautiful. It's like and it's it's uh unnatural Yeah, but you know the lip thing is like there they are even that but that's a moderate one like yeah They're like that woman. Yeah, holy mackerel. So

When they take those rings off the women's neck sometimes they break because they've been I don't know what I said that was amusing for you, but I was just picturing it Oh That part made you lol. Yeah, that's kind of funny Yeah, like if you were to take that woman's rings off Especially the older one because you put them on when you're a young woman and you get them the older yet Like her neck would just not be able to support itself. Yeah, and her should just go But that's cool. You think that's funny

The lip play no way more than a half of our listenership didn't think that was funny No, I'm just kidding. Look at that one. Look how tall that is that neck is breaking when you take those off for sure But like I guess they can they're pushing your shoulders down and stretching. Yeah, it's not that's too much That's too much. Well, how about I click that link neck elongation rare facts and stories like I want to know what actually happens there because that is quite fascinating um Let's see scroll down a little more

The origins have been used by cultures in african asia for thousands of years Oh back to the 11th century. I do not know that. Oh, there's a little girl Doesn't know her neck's not going to work one day. I know she looks pretty, right? Um It's used to elongate the other legend claims that the neck rings were used to make the women of the village less attractive So that the name men or the neighboring tribes would be less likely to kidnap them Wow, if the goal was to make the women look ugly then the neck rings had the opposite effect. Yeah, it's true It gave them that elegant beautiful appearance a long neck is just yeah, like me on ostrich

Very ostrich-like Symbolized wealth so she's got gold, right? Yeah greens for the moneys golds for the most aren't rings at all Here we go There are coils of brass Gold out all as the neck is extended the old coil is removed and a new longer one is added the neck rings can weigh as much as 20 pounds The neck rings don't make Necks longer. Oh, there looks like contrary to popular belief the use of neck rings doesn't really make the wearer's neck longer But it does give the illusion of length the rings actually push the collarbone and ribs down

Making the neck look longer if attempts are made to truly lengthen the neck by stretching Serious damage can be done to result in paralysis and can be fatal the use of neck rings And however it does call the cause the wearer's neck muscles to weaken of course Because you're never engaging your own Holy shit. Yeah, so it pushes down into your collarbone Essentially mushes everything there I'm good. Goof. But the lip plate. What's the utility that that just a purely aesthetic reason because obviously It's not very practical. He can't even drink water without putting in a disc there

All right, let's see what's going on I really don't like this Why I just don't like it. You don't want a lip play. I don't like it. Can I get you? I don't like the way that looks I'll give you a hundred dollars to get a lip plate. Yeah I'm trying to get massage chair I Like I could use that money. I mean, I guess it's cool because you always have a plate to put your snacks on You know like you walk around and you're like you go like this

I might fall right in your mouth. Yeah. Yeah, you're like, I wish I had somewhere. You know what you convinced me I wish I had somewhere to put these almonds and then you just take it off man Jesus Fuck Something that you may not know about amazon is that when you purchase an item from them Sometimes they will send you an item that has been previously returned. So keep an eye out for this label If you see this on a product, it means it's been returned That was an educational one. I thought you would like that. I like that one. They're trying to pull a fast one on you

Yeah, that's good something that's been returned. You don't want that shit. Don't compliment that amazon, bitch. Yeah Lpn if it says lpn and then the numbers and stuff That's you getting somebody else's shit. Yeah, you call amazon you go. Hey, what's the fuck? What's your fucking name? You get their fucking name you tell them you're gonna Fucking put them on a list But isn't that the worst when you you know go to a retail store and you pick up the box and you can tell it's been clearly repatched up and you're like i'm not buying someone's nasty secondhand shit It could just be that it was just the box was open but still you feel like you want a freshy

You go buy boxers and always dry fucking crusty stuff's on the front. You're like, yeah somebody already came in these Yeah, somebody already came It's like when you buy your massage shirt for $20,000. So we already came in this shirt I wanted a brand new one brand new new new new new that new new never marry a useless woman Looks like you wouldn't hire a useless employee Marriage isn't about love guys My mom told me and love isn't what we've been told it is love is nothing to do with emotions And marriage has nothing to do with emotions

But if you get emotionally involved emotionally invested Lustful and attached with your sex god goes on you're not gonna see That this woman is a bad hire This dude knows what's up. I like this guy I just like how he puts stuff too like yeah, she's fucking bitch dumb bitch. I like these direct guys same Zs A lot of us do they speak in this like, you know, like what we trying to say the soft language pussy love languages This guy's like that bitch is a bad hire Yeah

Yeah, but he's right because when you're you got your pussy goggles on like let's say you're getting late on the regs I do think guys like this though have had have had Really hurtful things happened. I think so and I think it started before their dating life. I think it happened with mommy Could be or it could be like a devastating thing happened in a in a relationship. You know, yes And they got really hurt. Yeah, and now all those bitches all fucking women are Don't don't don't marry a useless one Well, I mean look, that's a that's a term I haven't heard a useless one of it this bitch is useless God

Useless it's so aggressive. But I wouldn't marry a quote useless. Well, none of us. Nobody should should marry a useless person Yeah, it's unattractive. Of course. Who you dating this is useless guy Totally useless fucking good for nothing Hi, I'm tom from minnesota and I want to know who wants to play reindeer games Maybe it's you Why I didn't really understand it I was hoping you could explain I can't explain. What's going on? Say exactly what's happening

Exactly This guy Yeah In some way Knows those whip like he doesn't necessarily know their names But somebody who he knows maybe had like an office party And then that you know, he was looking at that person's pictures and he sees these three young beautiful women

And they're wearing antlers and he's like, he's he's excited He laughed and he also is like they're cute and they're fun And they're fun And men go how can I get a cute girl's attention? Oh, he thinks it's fun to say Reindeer games Because they have antlers And then he filmed himself and he's showing them like I'm me and you you know, aren't I fine Okay, so I that's the male perspective now as a as the female

I go, why are you showing me pictures of other women? I'm not attract. I'm not attracted to you now In his brain Somewhere He thinks that those girls will see this picture this video He thinks there's a possibility That they'll see it Wow, and that they'll be like that was funny Yeah, hey hey thomas

Knudsen from 763 Yeah, I saw your tiktok. Isn't that wasn't that like a facebook thing or something? Yeah, what are you guys on there that he's looking at? Feels like I have it here at my bed Like when he actually sees them I think it's like It looks like a real person's picture. You know, I mean like it's not an office party. Yeah, it's like an office party thing And I bet you

He ended up on that not from like searching Reindeer games, but literally it's like oh my My cousin's son Has a you know a facebook account and he ended up here and was like Reindeer games So bizarre Do you feel the same or no? Yeah, uh similar

Very similar and I think any has a really good uh Guess on what's happening. Okay. Tell me Uh, I I think it could be an email perhaps because the the picture Is a full screen. That's a full screen picture. He's not like on a Profile or something that was a full picture. Okay, so it's either email or potentially on his hard drive You know, but yes, and if it's an email it further it's further in the lane of what I'm saying in that like He is either somebody who he knows sent that maybe you know, I mean like he doesn't know them But somehow somebody sent it and it's like there's some might be his nieces

That's a dark twist And then okay, so let's add that with someone who doesn't understand that tiktok goes To millions and millions of strangers. I think he kind of knows that I think he's hoping that they'd be like that was so funny Because even like as a as a guy I swear to god as a guy you kind of feel like every time you've done You haven't done this You're your version of this in your brain is that you hope that the girl goes like anything odd That was so funny when you were like who wants to play reindeer games my pussy got so wet

Is that what he's hoping will happen kind of I mean he actually you know that that's Uh, not gonna happen like yeah literally like that, but you kind of hope that the girl will be like So funny Oh my god, tell him you're so funny. Yeah, and then like oh my god that dopamine drip. Yeah, you're like, yeah, yeah Wow This is how this old guy Is doing like the basically what every guy

Kind of tries to he's just doing it poorly. You know what I mean, right? Yeah, it's yeah He's out of practice and he doesn't he's like, how do you make a tiktok? Yeah Oh god so embarrassing Keep stay with it tom. Don't look away. It's kind of cool Oh That's impressive. I mean that's a skill dude. Yeah, I mean You don't see any some similarities to another skill she might possess a girl gives good neck. You know, I mean, yeah

Yeah, you think she does I mean, yeah, you think she is like yeah, she's not afraid of much I think she's pretty fucking in it. Yeah, she's fearless dude You know But again with these mukbangs It's the sauce. I I I mean that should looks tasty. I'm always interested in it. I love seafood Oh Like he's back at it again, they know This dude is hilarious. He's wearing loafers

What looks like either tight jeans and like a fucking Button down and he's you see this in gym sometimes not this is hilarious and there's always there's that There's a bunch of those instagram accounts that like just are dedicated to these people filming. Oh, is there really? Oh, yeah, yeah, like gym fails and all these like psychos Who are not working out like that that didn't do anything. He did There's he had no he went from here to he was like Like he is he didn't go back and he didn't extend he can't handle that weight at all But his ego is so fucking out of proportion

That he's gonna tell people he's like, yeah, when I do the hammer press you like fucking five plates And they're like, oh wow And he goes in a suit and his That was hilarious He's getting nothing out of that nothing He's gonna have a heart attack. Absolutely nothing. He needs to stop. He's just hurting his joints. Yeah, he's hurting himself Here he goes again lunatic. Yeah This is good

I could see you dating that guy no This is too Here's the deal man. Here's the deal man. I like that bracelet that he's wearing kind of I get the arm tights I dated guys who wore arm tights and kind of goth But he is a fucking nerd, baby. He's a dork. Okay. All right. This is too nerdy too nerdy Oh, you're gonna like this one Come on

All right, guys, don't forget we're still operating into the wet Now that's a croc mate because that's Australia That is Yeah, there's the real part of that whole video Fuck me Yeah, and that's how Aussies are by the way. That is so nuts. I wish if you're not oh, they're not watching this And you're just listening that is a like 12 to 15 foot croc easily and like it looks like it weighs I don't know over 600 pounds. I don't know what it weighs. It's fucking huge. Well, can we watch it again? Yeah, it's amazing

So he's slapping It looks like a leg of a pig or something slapping on the water. So the croc knows here comes dinner And he knows exactly where he is Whoa, all right guys, don't forget we're still operating into the wet From the top ends of Ferry Camp Day. So come out of here. See this big fella named Fordo I mean three bite three chews Oh, right. Listen to that. Listen to that chest As he's feisty this time of year wow

Fuck me came out hard and the rest of the crew He is one big lizard You're right. It was negative I would Fuck and shit my pants. Oh my god And it was chomp chomp chomp gone Yeah, a leg of some animal if if you if fucking That dude had just like slipped backwards when he was back

Jesus christ dude. So when I was on road rules In Australia, we stayed on a crocodile farm This guy in the middle of nowhere owned a crocodile farm. He and his two sons. Okay. No, listen to this So one night he was out on his territory, right? It's a huge many many acres And he got stuck in a fucking trap somewhere on his in his property and Overnight stayed in this trap his leg was stuck in the trap and overnight all these fucking snakes were crawling a little over him Everything in the world bit this guy in the night and they finally found him the next day. Of course. He had contracted malaria

So so I mean and you know, you don't get ever get rid of malaria You just have flare-ups and attacks and yeah, that was this guy and they totally like this This guy's like, yeah, my I go like 50 crocs. I don't feed them this and that I would be so pissed at this guy if he was like, you want to see a croc and I was like Yeah, right? And this is the experience. What the fuck are you doing, man? I'd be so upset so upsetting. I know that thing is Beast one time I got fucking wasted. I drank a whole bottle of fucking vegetable oil

I beer funneled it and it lined all my fucking liver and kidneys and stomach dude And I swear to god my belly filled up with urine But I couldn't fucking pee dude Because the water would beat up and it would get stuck in my fucking urethra, dude. I had to go to the ER This is literally if Bert didn't find comedy like If Bert didn't find comedy he would be putting Brad is fire toxin Hey, Billy, I went to the he'd have like a so many er stories. I know Yeah, stupid idiot. Oh my god. Yeah

Damn, yeah, this one's pretty cute Look, I'm chilling. It's another Bert post. Yeah. Look at that fucking shooting that thing So cute They love watching Tanda's eat. Of course. It's the best. Yeah That was a sweet one. Cooking food on the weekend and the joint. I already know what the fuck going on Saturday vibes Saturday vibes Pick your selection

And get you an ice cold one. Yeah, you know what's going on. This was going on I wouldn't tell you come fuck without grill, but it's surreal Straight up These guys man, that is that's unbelievable. That looks like an actual cookout. It looks amazing I would want to attend this he got his chips. He got his cold drinks. It looks like he's making breeds I mean, obviously they have help Obviously there's a guard who's like, yeah, it's cool Because they have a fucking open fire going. Yeah and an ice bucket. Yeah, and what is that 25 burritos? What am I looking at? Dude?

He's feeding the whole block. Yeah I'm guessing these are buns and reeds. Yeah, these look like burritos Yeah, I'll know what it is And and he would let you use our grill, but it's too real. It's not a grill. That's somebody's bed Yeah, I know he's using a bed and then he's burning toilet paper to light the grill It's genius. These guys are fucking brilliant. Yeah, I don't know if I would ever come up with this in a million years All those prison cooking things are and also the prison makeup tutorials that the women would do. I love that stuff, man I live for this stuff. Yeah, that looks like a blast. Dude. I want to get invited go to jail

Could you imagine if I showed up? You could send me some cool videos from there If I show up, I guess what we cooked today at the prison party. What's that? And like they they let me in. What's that Christina? I was like, oh hi guys, and they teach you how to make this stuff. That'd be great Um, all right, we got a run. Thank you guys for listening. Hope you have this gene. Come on. We just started by the way 2022. This is um Man, this would be at the end of this year. October later this year will be year 12 of your mom's house Unbelievable. We owe it all to you guys for watching for listening Thank you for your support. We have so much fun doing the show And uh, hopefully there's many more years to come. Yes genes. All right. We'll see you next time. This is pegged

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