Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 643 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: February 16, 2022

Keep em high and tight, it's another fresh episode of #YMH with Tom Segura and Christina P! Tom is now very famous and hangs out with other very famous people like Brad Pitt. We take a look at what Glendale Gary has to offer, a cooler older guy, and the main mommies review the documentaries "The Rescue" about the Thai soccer team that got lost in the caves and "The Tinder Swindler" about a con artist. Christina gets some nice Valentines Day messages and we take a look and Chris Larson's February post! Also, Enny think hot sauce is the best! We watch a juicy confrontation at a McDonalds drive thru and we debate the pronunciation on the word "Crayon."

and then their whole thing with me is like, we wanna torture you, that's what they say. And then- Tortured any. So as I'm doing that, my face is like dug down like this and then I just feel like I feel something against my forehead. And as I feel it, because I'm huffing and puffing,

I take a deep inhale, I'm like, and I'm like, oh, and I push back and it's my three year old's asshole. He had sat right here. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. Welcome to your mom's house. The situation in Ukraine continues to escalate. We'll be going into great detail today,

what the Kremlin has to say. Of course, midterms are coming up. We don't know what that'll give a fuck. So, No, who's farting? That's really what we care about. Who's on the talk? Got some people getting really hurt today for you.

Some real crazy people. And then two outliers are kind of stopped. Well, that's actually next week, but you know, we got a lot of stuff to show you. A lot of fun stuff and great stories. You know, some amazing things happened over the last few weeks. You know what? I'm sick and tired of hearing about these amazing things.

Oh, or why? We all know what the amazing thing is. What do you mean? You've been bragging about it nonstop. It's your new best friend, Brad Pitt. First of all, to say, we've been friends. When? For a while.

When did you start being friends with him? He calls me all the time. I love his bucket hat. Is that a Kangol or Burberry? I don't know, we didn't get into it. It's really, only he looks good in a bucket hat. He could wear a fucking toilet lid on his head. Oh, right, calm down.

And he looks good. He looks fine. He looks like a normal guy. I'm so excited he is to talk to you. Yeah, he was pretty excited. Who was he saying to you right there? You're the best, no one's better. I mean, that's a look of genuine joy on your face.

Very rare. I know. The birth of our children, not that face. Wedding day, not that face. Our kids don't look like Brad, you know? That's true. Look how happy you're genuine. Oh, look at you laughing.

Yeah, yeah. Even now, your smile has kind of pointed down, like you're forcing the smile right now with me. He was like, what are you doing after the show? Like, I have another show. He was like, ah, you can't come out with us. So anyway, it was just a lot of fun. I mean, it was just like, he fucking hits me up constantly,

but... What do you guys just tell me what it's like? Like, what do you talk about? First of all, I mean... He sends me memes. He's like, is this funny? And I'm like, I guess, you know, not a real meme. Do you want to go, can we tell the whole story?

Yeah, he's like, hey, your shows are sold out. And I go, no shit. And then he was like, how can I get in? I go, you can buy a ticket. He's like, yeah, but I don't, he was like, I don't have Venmo. Like, you know, I was like, what? And he goes, well, I mean, how do I get the ticket? I go bring cash and then...

You made Brad Pitt pay for tickets to see you? Yeah, and I made him pay over the face value, too. Because I could have made some real money on these. So I was like, you got to pay for it. Dang, and he still likes you. Yeah, he invited me over. I don't even know you anymore. I feel like this friendship has gone to your head.

Oh, whatevs. We're going to go, I know we were going to do something with the kids, but he and I are going to do something spring break week. What? Yeah. What are you going to do? He's like a, he's a huge fan of like the South Pacific. So we want to do something.

Excuse me? Like Fiji, something like that. Okay, that's really far, babe. Our children miss you. They don't really see you a whole lot. Yeah, Brad misses me, too. I'm not going to not be like a good friend of my friend, you know? I thought we were going to go, we were going to go to England this summer.

I was going to celebrate the Queen's Jubilee. It's a platinum. Yeah, you can. You have to do. I'll call the, I'll call the, the Queen's office and get you in, but I mean. Excuse me? What do you mean you'll call the Queen's office? I, me or Brad will call the Queen's office.

Oh my God. And take care. You'll get set up. Who are you? I'm very famous. I mean, suddenly this new friendship has really changed you. You've changed. Well, when the biggest movie star in the world comes to your show,

you're a little different afterwards. Okay? Okay. Like you see everybody else in that picture? Yeah, I do. Are those even your friends anymore? No, I was going to tell you that. I stopped being friends with all of them.

You stopped being friends with Ryan Sickler, one of your oldest and dearest friends? He understood. He told me after he goes, I totally understand. Delete my number. That's what he said. What about Agent Jeans? Are you still going to?

He's going to go. Is that David Tell? That's Dave Oaken. That's my tour manager. Oh. He's allowed to stay on. And Agent Jeans I'm working with as he continues to play in the work. Is he still?

Yeah. Yeah. Look how close Agent Jeans is to Brad. He's never been that happy too. He's super happy. Agent Jeans is pretty contained. By the way, everybody, everybody, like, so he came to the early show. Brad.

Yeah. On Saturday. Brad did and then. B-dog as you call him, right? What are your nicknames? I call them BP and I call them. BP. Yeah.

Yeah. I call them B-pizzle. Bradley. It's too bad he's so ugly. I call him pit stop. That's a good one. That's pretty dope, actually. He's 58.

Unreal. Yeah. He is 58 years old. Unreal. It's weird when you're like this far away and you're like, you've been watching someone in movies for like 30, three decades. You know, you're like, Jesus Christ, man. I told him the story.

I told him the story of seeing Legends of the Fall. Because I told my sisters. And I was like, when we were in, we moved to Milwaukee in, I think it was 93. Maybe it was 91. Anyway, one weekend, we would always go to this one movie theater, right? And we're picking movies. And at that age, you know, you kind of, you know, what do you want to see? Let's go see this.

And you kind of agree on things. We want to go see Legends of the Fall. I was like, I don't want to see Legends of the Fall. Yeah. See this fucking homo with his shirt off and his beautiful hair. And he was fucking beautiful. Oh yeah. I mean, that was like, look at his face.

Look at him here. And that hair. Oh. And so anyway. Oh my God. Yeah. It's perfect. Yeah.

Yeah, right there. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he's, and even he's all smelly and like, I'm a stinky, you know. Like ranch hand. Yeah. And I'm like, yeah, can I lick your sweat? Can I lick your bod clean? And by the way.

I like his nuts dry. Tell him. So. We're in that movie. And I'm watching the movie with like my arms folded. I was like, this shit's gay. Yeah. Right.

And. Right. And I'm like focusing on Anthony Hopkins. I'm like, well, at least there's a fucking real man in this movie. And then. Yeah. Yeah. It's 94.

I think it's again, 94. So then. I'm like, I watch. I go, why are we watching this shit? And just because you two can flick your beans for a whole fucking hour and a half. And then. I think it's that he gets word that his brother died or something. Oh, no, I remember that.

He breaks down like. And he's a phenomenal. That's the thing that I wasn't even appreciating at the time is how good of an actor he is. So I'm watching this movie and then Maria is like, are you crying? I was like. Shut up. You fucking bitch. But what I remember is that, well, this is true.

That's the first time I cried in a movie. It was legends of the fall. And did you tell BP the story? Yeah, I told him, yeah. And did he call you? Yeah, he was like, I knew you were fucking gay dude. He was. He's like, I'm not a fan anymore.

No, he was laughing. That's what he was. Him and Alia were laughing at that. I mean. So, so I too have a Brad Pitt story, you know, a. Here we go. As a hardcore goth girl growing up, I wasn't, I didn't permit myself to like him in mainstream roles. And then he did interview with the vampire and all the goth crowds.

We were so upset that it was Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt playing vampires. Yeah. How dare they? Yeah. These posers, these weekenders, they're not even goth. Yeah. Look at him. Same.

He stole my heart. He stole your heart in the movie. Because the thing about him, here's the truth about, here's the truth about really good looking people. Oh my God. There is an overabundance of them, really. There's tons of good looking people. Sure. There's the difference.

Not like that. No, the difference is the talent. 100%. You could, you could find somebody who's gorgeous. True. You know, you can find a million. You can find them on Instagram, but like when they're really good looking and talented. Charisma.

That's really, yeah. That's the rare. I mean, even this dog chow, Tom Cruise. Next to Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise is like, minced meat, right? But like you see, I mean, how many people are at this level of like those combinations? You got Brad Pitt. No. Highest echelon of show business.

Me. I'm trying to think of other people. Okay. I don't know, but like there's not that many people, you know what I mean? Yeah. No, I know. I understand. It's cool.

To the bow thing, you know what I mean? You know what I like about him is he is so humble. I don't sense that he has a big ego whatsoever. Actually, he seems like the way he comes into a room, because you know your effect on, like I remember this story from Joey Diaz. You know this every day when you walk into a room. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Women are swooning and vomiting every day.

These icon level people. It's like Joey Diaz told me that he did that movie. It wasn't a, it didn't turn out to be like a big box office, but it was, he was with Robert De Niro. Right? It's just boxing. It's like this one. De Niro started to make these fucking weird movies, but he's doing him.

He's like, you know, so the first day he's like, Joey's supposed to be reading the paper and then he's sitting on set in the chair in the gym, right? In the boxing gym. De Niro's going to come and do this thing. So they're just doing like the walkthrough, you know, like blocking everything. And at first they have like a stand in guy for De Niro, you know, like they do for those actors. And that guy leaves and De Niro shows up.

And, you know, you're about to shoot a scene with Robert De Niro. And he said that De Niro's first thing is that he put his hand on like Joey's shoulder and said, it's okay. It's okay. I know I'm fabulous. I know you're shitting your pants right now. Yeah. But he did it in a way that was like, like, don't, like this is going to be all right.

Everything's going to be all right. You know, I was like, well, he goes, because he knew that I was like, ah, like, how do I do this with you? He's like, it's all right. And now you have that effect. No. Anyway, and now you have the Brad Pitt effect. I've been having it.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I noticed it. So now I tell people, like when they meet them a lot of times, they go, it's going to be all right. It's okay. It's okay. I'm not good looking.

They're like, what's okay? You're going to be fine. But he came in like a normal guy. Yeah. He came in like he was the fan. Let me tell you, I think what was so sweet, because you came home and you told me the story and the way you described it was like he was a little kid meeting his. He was, but he did that.

His idol. But he was still, he do, do him. He came in. You did that. You did it just like here. He walks. So like I see Dave Oak and because he goes, he's 20 out. He's two minutes out.

We were all like, what are we supposed to do? Just stand here? Well, there's security too. Like his security team comes. And then I see Dave walk in. He goes like this. And then he comes in. He goes, I can't believe I'm meeting you, man.

I'm such a huge fan. I was like, yeah, me too. And then he was like, no, it wasn't eating, but he's like, this is just what you do. Because we had the Laker game was on. We're in LA and I had music playing. I have a Bluetooth speaker. He's like, you just listen to music and watch Laker games to prepare. I go, yeah, I'm prepared.

He's like, you don't have to do anything. He's been on tour for five months. It's all the preparation shows ready to go. And he was like, oh, man. And then we just like shot the shit. Like, you know, talked about. Pussy. Pussy.

Were you like, were you like, how many chicks have you been with? Well, you know what? I asked him, I was like, what's the fucking, what's really going on? What's the body? How do you look like this at 50 fucking eight? And he goes, you want to know the truth? So yeah, he goes, my body never has come in it. Yeah.

It always has gone. And we've had this theory. Yeah. So he goes, the problem, he goes, you're looking, you're aging because your body's holding on to all this cum. And he goes, mine is always out. It's a constant cum free environment. Yeah.

The free radicals and cum. The cum wrinkles you. Yeah. I believe that. And he's like, look at me. I was like, you look like you're 30. He goes, yeah, there's no cum in me. Oh my gosh.

He is. He goes, how many times do you come a day? And I was like, I don't know, maybe once or something. He was like, I come six, seven times a day. And it's not from his doing, like six or seven. No, he goes, I've never touched my penis. So he is 58. Yeah.

What if he's never masturbated? Like since he's just his first time with Oregon. It was another person. The last time I masturbated was the last time I took a commercial flight. It was 1987. Oh my gosh. I mean, he is 58. Yeah.

Look at him. He looks fucking crazy. He's ridiculous. Like you said too, this star quality, it's funny because before I was in this business, you grow up watching movies with people and you think to yourself, I could do that. Oh, I could act. I could fake cry. No, you can't.

No, you fucking can't. And there's a reason that guys like him sustain their careers over decades and decades and he looks that way. That is a genetic marvel. He is. And he's not from show business, right? No. Like he's a normal.

From Missouri. Yeah. And I think that's also rad is that his stopping by, you know, he probably, so he came like 15 or 20 minutes before the show, something like that. Yeah. Like 20 minutes before. And we hung out, you know, in the dressing room and I took some pictures and we just kind of shot the shit.

And then I walked him backstage and I did the I introduced Ryan and then Ryan, by the way. Oh my God. Let me remind me of the Ryan thing. Yeah. So. So I introduced Ryan, you know, and then the house goes dark and then they I go, you know, they're going to walk you to the seat and I had my security guy walk him to, you

know, take care of him. And he watched the show and then after the show, a lot of times celebrities, I've had celebrities that shows they leave. They're like, oh, they took off, you know, you're like, oh, okay. He stayed for the whole show, came back after the show, said, you know, like rave reviews was super generous. And then he was like, all right, we're going to we're going to go. And so we walked them out to the to the garage.

That was the early show after the late show. We were all I'm talking about like my crew, right? It's me, Sean, Ryan, Dave, Keer, Mark, like that's who I roll with on tour. We were all like, I'm not just still have like kind of like a buzz going from that. And everybody did. Everybody was like, isn't that cool that like the world's biggest movie star was here tonight? Huge. Hanging out and in it like the next day we did Long Beach and we were still like, isn't

that great? Like everybody loved it. I didn't even get to be there for it. And I'm so excited just hearing the best part. This is actually the best part. My cousin Jeanette came to the same show and I didn't let her know that Brad was there. So this was the best. Brad comes back.

Well, first hanging out, you know, and then after the show, I walk him through this tunnel and we just say goodbye. And here's the garage. As I turn around, they go, hey, you have a like, is your cousin Jeanette? She's upstairs. I'm like, oh, yeah, bring her down. She comes down. I go, guess who just left when she's like who?

And I go, Brad Pitt, shut the fuck up. And I'm like, no. And then everybody starts going like, yep. And she's like, shut up. And then Sean breaks out his camera. She's like, why wouldn't you let me know? And I go, I did let him know. I let him know he didn't want to meet you.

That's such a shitty man. Yeah. And then I sent her pictures the next day of Brad and I. And she was like, honestly, you're mean. I was like, oh, you really didn't want to meet you. No. So Ryan, let me tell you this before. So Ryan, I at one point when we're about to start the show, I go, how can you go anywhere?

To Brad, right? I'm like, how can you go anywhere? And he goes, check this out. So he has that the bucket hat. His hair is tucked into it, right? Because his hair is actually longer. He tucks it in, got the jacket. And then he has like one of those full face masks.

So the mask when he goes, check this out. He puts it on and it covers from here, but also his entire face. Like it covers. Beautiful face. Yeah, it's completely. All you see is this. You just see this. And then he goes, he goes like that.

I'm like, yeah, man. Actually, I have no idea. And then Ryan goes, looks like Chad Pitt. He said it to him. Did he laugh? He goes, that looks like Chad Pitt. Yeah, he laughed. The bucket hat.

Like the super famous, the masks are the best thing ever. Oh, I bet. This guy's going to shows and like. He's free now. Yeah, he can't go anywhere. He doesn't want this handy to end. No. No.

Wow. And how upset is Burt about your new best friend? He texted me first, Brad fucking Pitt with like eight question marks. And he goes, why was Brad Pitt at the show? What happened there? I'm so jealous. He's like, why didn't you call me? I go, dude, that's all we talked about you the whole time.

It was really like, no. But that would make it okay if you did talk about Burt the whole time. Oh yeah. Burt would feel so much better. Did you see what he did? This is the first time he reposted all my photos and he added audio. It's like this photo he's like, wait you're friends with birth. Christ for.

Aren't you. And then the next photo, he was like, man that machine story is the best story and then he goes to the one with the girl, you know, and she goes, I've never heard the machine story. He's like, tell it, Tom, tell it. And I'm like, yeah. And then I said, this is Russia, bitch. And then they're like, oh, that is the best story.

I love the machine. That girl is on Arrested Development. Yeah. She's like a child. Yeah, she's a great, really, really good actress. I fuck up her name. It's Alia Shaw. What is it?

What is it? She's tagged in the previous photo. Yeah. She's super funny. Yeah, hit that. And can I tell you what I like is that Brad Pitt hangs out with like a funny movie. Alia Shaw Cat. Shaw Cat.

I always fuck up her last night. I love it. I love that he hangs out with funny girls. Yeah. Maybe he'll hang out with like funny middle aged married girls with two kids. Thank you. You can do it. I don't care.

Do I have a past for Brad Pitt? Yes. I want fucking details. Yeah. Yeah. I would let you have gay sex with Brad Pitt. Yeah, I don't think he would be into that. I don't think he would.

But if you want to if you want to like keep him drained because he's like, I got to stay drained. Do you like good movies? Do you like my actings? Yeah. I'd be like, if he's like, you want me to keep making movies, then let me fuck your way. I'm like, okay.

All right. Let's start this. Okay. Let's keep it keep the theme going with another super hot guy ready. And here you go. Hello. Excuse me. Can I talk to you please girl?

Life feels like hell without a girlfriend. Someone to talk to always think about to make me a better person and to bring the best out of me and to enjoy the best for every young years together. Go on adventures. Yeah. Drink. Have passion and hardcore sex every day and every night. Who is Randy?

Pretty cool. Don't bring anyone loving to this. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura and Christina Pajit. Welcome to your mom's house. How's that? Good job. Good job, mommy. This guy is so hot.

How fucking ran is that? He's everything I wanted you to say. Yeah. Do you think you could do this? I could definitely do this because I'm trying to sweat girl. I want to lose some face fat so I can look sexy. There's nothing wrong with being horny girl. It's part of life.

Everyone's different. I get horny fast girl. Yeah. He's very direct. I like it. I like that. Dude, I'm telling you. What's he into?

What's he all about? You know. But I like the sense of urgency. It looks like he had to pull over on the side of the road and make this video immediately. He's like, I need to get this message. Oh yeah. There's cars driving by. Yeah.

And it's intense eye contact. Real intense. I like intense. Yeah. I got a thick and pink dick. It gets hard like a rock girl. I want you to jack it off baby. And kiss my neck area girl.

And I'll kiss your neck area too girl. And play with your hair girl. Okay. And grip my hands on your thighs baby. And rub it up and down. I think he lost me here. Oh. Yeah.

A little too much. Yeah. Glendale Gary. He's definitely from Glendale. I was going to say this guy's, he's Armenian I'm guessing. Yeah. If I know my Glendale tribes. Right.

Definitely. Glendale Armo. Right. It starts sweet. Can I talk to you please girl. Please girl. Can I talk to you for a minute. That's your homeless guy voice.

Can I talk to you for a second man. That's a hundred percent how they approach you. Can I talk to you for a second man. You're like no. Please don't fucking talk to me bro. Do it again. Do it again. It's so much fun.

Can I talk to you for a second man. Can I talk to you for a second. Yeah. He starts off sweet and then I like his necklace. I like it. The Mercedes. Yeah. You know, I don't know.

I'm not against mixing brand. You know, if you want to wear Adidas and Nike's like that's fine. I think it's a little curious maybe that he wears his Mercedes medallion. But he drives a BMW. How do you know that? Because I've seen I've watched some videos. He's done a deep dive on him. I mean I've watched.

He's very puts out very cool. Can you pull up his page? Because like that's a, you know, he does. He has a lot of videos, you know. Yeah. Well, I don't like when he talks about his thick, his thick pink dick. Yeah. I don't like that.

That only gets you a certain, I think you should keep, you know, you don't want to go totally blue. Right. Right. When you're. Well, the thing is, is that girls are generally, we don't want to hear like my thick pink dick, my big fat balls or whatever. Like we're not, we're not.

That's why I like the stuff at the top. Like if you pay attention to me, show me you love me, then I don't want to hear the details. Right. He could have just been like, we can take a magical trip girl. Metaphors. That's why the Beatles were so successful. I want to hold your hand. It's code for when you eat your asshole.

But Jack might take while you're, yeah. Wet ass pussy. Like it's too much. Too far. Too much. Too far. Yeah. Because how many songs I know you like, you listen to music that I don't, I'm not as familiar

with. A lot of the female singers will be like sex with me is so amazing. Like my pussy up and down. Look at your tongue turn. Do-do-brown. Like that's for the men. Your tongue should not turn do-do-brown from like. Do-do-brown.

But are there male singers that sing like this for women, this graphically that are successful? Because they're always metaphorical. Like R. Kelly was more metaphorical. No. He evolved or devolved. Yeah. He was always pretty direct, you know. But it wasn't I want to eat like your pussy and.

I mean it got into. My big dick and all that. He got into like fucking straight up fucking songs, you know. Cool. Yeah. But yeah, you're right. There's a little, it started a little bit of metaphor. Your body's talking to me, you know, that stuff was like, that's not as direct, it still

has a little bit of a layer of imagination. But it got, it got, he got pretty racy later. Yeah. And there's definitely more. I mean. A lot of the guys that are kind of like sing rap. You know what I mean? Like it was, they used to be separate.

There was rappers and singers and now they like kind of, a lot of them do both. Yeah. They'll get super, today's music is way more vulgar, you know. Yeah. Is Drake, does he sing about pussies? He sings about pussy a lot. But I mean, I don't think he's like, he's not as X rated with his lyrics usually, you know. Wow.

He usually kind of. It's romance. Yeah. Or, you know, even if it's about sex, there's some metaphor there. Look how smooth his skin is though. Is that a filter? I don't know. He looks very smooth.

It's really smooth, actually. Like almost seems like how could you look like that? I know. I don't think it's a filter though. Makeup. Yeah. Maybe he's wearing makeup. Yeah.

Some dudes. Hey girl. He looks like he's like on Topeka Canyon, like he pulled over or Malibu or something. Yeah. This guy's been, he's been posting stuff for a while and it always has a similar, like he has his length. Like, you know, Unkshine does this thing. Yeah, I love these guys.

He does this thing. You know what I mean? This guy, he does his thing too. It's like, his look changes a little bit more. But if you go to the top there, that top row, like just start with like that three, that one in from the left, you know? No. Fuck.

Yeah. Yo, his beard gets darker and darker. Life feels like fucking hell without a girlfriend. The past forever young years of my life are wasting without a girlfriend. No one to give the love in my heart to. I only want to think about her every day and every night girl. You're going to be the most important person in my life, baby. Still very loving.

I like it. Uh-oh. I get horny fast, girl. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Let's get every day and every night girl in my car so I can lose face fat. I said that again. So I can look sexy.

So this is serious. We're going to be lovers at first sight and love forever. All we need in this world is each other, girl. Yeah. Fuck what others think of us because life's just a fantasy. You know what I like about him? Nobody in this world is. No blinking.

Yeah. He just did that, like that fucking bitch from. Yeah. What's her name? The criminal one, the centuron with the blood, drawing blood on the dot. You know that crazy bitch, Elizabeth. What's her name? She just got convicted.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ethereum or. Yeah. Thanos. Thanos. Yeah. Elizabeth Holmes.

Elizabeth Holmes. I think we have another cool guy. Oh, this. This guy's. Yes. Where's his guitar? This is the room for him on the wall. This guy's outstanding.

Yeah. All right. Let's hear it. Talk to you, please, girl. Yeah. I'm alone in this world without love. Yeah. You saved the love in my heart for 30 years for your girl.

Where he goes from sweet. Yep. Hello. Excuse me. Hello. Excuse me. It's nice. Hey.

Can I talk to you for a minute? Can I talk to you, please, girl? Can I holler at you for a second, man? I'm alone in this world without love. Yeah. We all are. For you, girl. Okay.

Next one. And then it goes different. Yeah. Oh. Oh. No. No. Switch.

It's the Godfather. Okay. Okay. We're getting a listening. Here we go. Excuse me. Yep. Excuse me.

Oh. Can I talk to you, please, Mamacita? Oh. What all do we say? I'm alone in this world without love. Without a girlfriend. Again. I deserve a girlfriend.

He's got to pull over on the side of the road. So we can do the best for every young years to gather. Freeway vids. Make memories. Go on adventures. Yes. Have passion and hardcore sex. Hardcore sex.

Every day and every night. I love sex, baby. Okay. And kiss my neck area, baby. While you're jacking out. And I'll kiss your neck area too, girl. Okay. And play with your hair, girl.

Okay. I'm a freeway. Yeah. That's so loud. Hello. Excuse me. Now, if you go. Excuse me.

Go back to the wide angle. I want to see where he shaves here in the middle. Second row. I have to like take him in. I can't. Oh, it's a lot. It's like, it's so good, babe. It's pretty great.

I'm alone in this world without love. Without a girlfriend. I'll tell you this. Someone to talk to. He looks better with a goatee. He looks better with a goatee. Can I tell you something? Yeah.

Can I talk to you for a minute? Yeah. The goatee is an identity. It's a whole. It's a whole identity. You hear me? Yeah. It's a whole identity.

It's a whole identity. It's a whole identity. You hear me? Yeah. This guy doesn't have any personality. You put that goatee on him and now he's got swag. Like he's got a thing. Yeah, it's a thing.

There's no thing here. Here's what's really remarkable. Oh, this is a good one. I like this one. I didn't realize that like Unkshine, if you go to Unkshine, Unkshine every day posts like 45 videos a day and a still or two, but he has a rotation. I'm gonna bite your ass.

I'm gonna eat your drawers. I'm gonna suck your titties. I'm gonna suck your feet. I'm gonna get I'm gonna meet you. I'm a how you doing girl? I'm gonna suck your ass. I'm gonna bite your ass. I'm gonna eat your drawers.

I'm gonna like he has his like cycle. This guy is this world is lonely without love. That's the premise. The world is a lonely place. Yeah. And it just goes and then he's just like, we're gonna have hardcore sex. Yeah.

I want to lose face fat. Yeah. He has his go to lines. I like it. The premise is the world sucks without you. I'm miserable without a girlfriend. Let's be our forever young years together. Let's see what I'm trying posted today.

What did he what did he do? Yeah. He's up to 26k followers. Taylor, you don't think I might eat your ass? There you go. Well, you got another thing coming. I'm gonna jump on your ass. Straight up.

Yeah. That's a rice and gravy. All. And you go to the next one. Taylor. Feet, right? Probably. Probably downward feet.

Gabriel. Gabriel. And you're friend. You and your friend. Yeah. And Taylor and her friend. Oh. Y'all come to Miami moon.

Yeah. That's what I meant. Yeah. Let me tell you something. No. But Glendale Gary, is that his name? Yeah. I mess with her calling.

Here's my prediction. Yeah. This guy is going to unfold like an onion, like the layers to him. This is a guy. I am fascinated. I am enraptured. I have to know more.

Yeah. What else is he posting? I'm going to do a little bit of a deeper. I think it's mostly that kind of stuff. I can't imagine that he really scroll down like, what about that? The one you were just on there. Yeah.

What's he saying there? Oh. The music. Okay. Damn it. Okay. This guy is, and he's real. He's a real guy.

Yeah. Love girl, lovers at first sight, forever souls in this universe. And make Armenian babies one day. He told you, I know. I have my Armenian babies, baby girl. I think. I want a horny girl, baby girl, so we can enjoy life together. Now he ruins it for me.

Forever young. I was on board. Can I tell you what ruins it? There's nothing wrong with being horny, baby girl. It's part of his speech. Baby. I don't like the horny and the kissing. And he doesn't kiss right.

He goes. Yeah. He doesn't go. That's how you make a kiss. I bet being locked in a car with him would be kind of scary. So scary. I would not want to be with him. I would not want to be with him.

I'll tell you what, you have a pass for him too. He's not sweet. Oh, thanks. He's there's nothing. He's not sweet. This this guy is. Yeah. How far down does it go?

Criminal vibes. Is this one of the. Oh. Oh. Wow. Fucking hell. Can you pick a random? See like third in from the left.

Right there. Yeah. What's going on there? Girl, baby girl, so we can enjoy life together. Same. Same. Same message. Same.

That's the first one. It's amazing. Yeah. Please. We all do respect. It's my. Oh. I'll make you happy.

Baby girl. You're going to be the most important person in my life. Baby girl. Winning. We all do respect. He's got to do right on. He knows how to like. Smooth you up first.

He's like with all the respect that respects you. I want love in my life. Yeah. I know. I know. I know. I respect you. I want love in my life.

Yeah. And I buy it and I'm in. And then it's like I know you're horny. I'm horny. Yeah. I want to get. I want to put my dick in like. What's going on with that Asian girl in that post?

Is that like just a photo of someone. Talking to my fans. Say it. Say it. We all do respect. Oh. So they. They're fans.

They are. He's got fans. Go over the top. Hey baby girl. Hey baby girl. Yeah. Hey baby girl. Yeah.

Hey baby girl. They recognize him. Hey baby girl. Yeah. Who's that guy? Remember he was like that teenage boy. He was like hey baby girl. I just want to love you baby girl.

You're my everything baby girl. Remember he was like it was so hard to watch. Remember. It's a good look for him by the way. No that one's a good one. He should have kept his hair. Yeah. And the beard.

And I like the slicked back. The close beard for him. It's a good look. Because here's the deal man. He's a very typical Glendale Armenian guy. Yeah. This is like the stereotypically Armenian look. Yeah.

Go with this bro. Like full Adidas. Tracksuits. Tracksuit homie and like keep this Armo look and you're going to meet your Armenian queen dude. There you go bro. Like Kim Kardashian bro. Like that's the girl.

What's he say here the same thing right? I don't want to know dude. I don't know. Baby girl. He's falling in love. Okay. All right. Just making sure.

But that's the secret to the cool guy. We've decided there's a cool guy. Is you can never digress from the message. Don't you ever stop. Isn't it impressive though. How much they stick to the message. $23.95. Apartment to see.

Yeah. It's the same repetitive. I'm horny. I want it. I'm horny. I want it. I eat you. I eat you.

I eat you. I eat you. I eat you. Yeah. I don't want to make up for you. Yeah. I think I would. I like that he stays with his message.

Good morning Julia. Yeah. Yeah. It's the same. Me Joe. It's me. You got a guy you're getting. Then there's different kind of guys.

Any lady out there that can stand with honor. We're going about sex. Get to know somebody first. Quit flashing your shit. Oh yeah. He hates that. You're showing your ass that your shit. You're showing your maybe whatever.

And you're showing your milkies. He likes that though. We all know what the anatomy is. Well at least I do because I'm old enough. I don't rightly give a fuck. I want to know what's up here and what's in here. And that is what makes the other stuff. Okay.

Okay. So what's the racket? I just want one. It'll stand by my side like a guy. Be a friend. Be loyal. I will be to you. But other than that don't fucking hit me up thinking I want sex.

Fuck that. I'm done. I haven't had sex in five fucking years. All right guys. And I don't care. I can do it my fucking self. Very cool. It's kind of a mixed message here.

It's like. It is. It is. I thought at first that's how he gets laid on TikTok. He's the guy that's like I care about you girl what's inside of you. I tell you what I think this message is. I think it's the lonely guy who is just trying something impulsive. This is the message.

As is always. That's always a thing like I'm super fucking fired up. Horny as shit. I'm going to try this. I believe that he's not horny. I think he's more desperate and frustrated. I haven't been with forget actually sex with someone. I think he's just.

I think it's not about the act of sex with someone. He hasn't been with someone. You know what I mean? Could you imagine not busting in that with someone for five years? No. You can't even go like five hours, five days for you would be like tragic. He bodies just torn up. Yeah.

It's such a maniac. Dead women all over the country. You are a come hound. It's not the right way to say that. You are a cum blasting. You're not into cum. You're a cum blaster. Yeah.

A cum hound is searching for you. A cum dog. Remember our cum dog? Yeah. I wanted to keep one. Backyard one. Backyard cum dog. But I mean like tied up.

You know. Yeah. You don't take care of like a person. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. Yeah. stray away from cum. Oh the Hamsters? Yeah. Yeah. That would be so.

Oh my god. We can do it. Do you think someone could live on cum. No. You don't think all your nutrients are in cum. I don't think so. I mean, again, we could probably there was someone that try that.

I don't think we should. Right now, somebody out there. You know that guy? Someone at Watchword. I was like yes you can. Well because there's that guy that's like, I eat raw meat. I eat curdled milk.

Yeah. And there's somebody out there right now that's like, all you need is semen. All you have to do is live on cum. Come shakes. Come omelets. It's always like the, you know. Can you live on cum?

Here we go. There's about five to seven calories and the average teaspoon of jizz. It only contains zinc, fructose sugar, protein and a couple of other bits and pieces. The average amount requires between two to three thousand calories per day. That's a lot of cum. You'd have to drink your semen around 286 men per day. You'd have to milk like 286 dudes. Easy.

Easy. We're in a city. Yeah. You could do it. You could do it. You know the type of person who says there's a, you can live on all the cum you need. You want to know who does that?

It's this type of person. My name is Alice and I am a barefoot crunchy mom. Well I have yet to step in anything sharp. I know that one day I inevitably will step in glass. And it will hurt, yes, but not as bad as the severe foot pain wearing feet prisons has caused me. I am on a mission to live the one life that I have been given to the fullest. Are we not wearing feet prisons?

We would experience the world mostly through our feet. Wearing shoes is like wearing a blindfold or noise cancelling headphones. Think about everything you're missing out on when you wear shoes, especially right after it rains. I choose not to wear shoes for the same reason I choose not to have epidurals or take Tylenol. They want us disconnected from our mind, body, soul, and the earth, so that they can sell us products. If you think this video is weird, I would like to ask you a question.

Who are you living for? Yourself or to appease advertisers and make other people more comfortable? She for sure is like, you can live on semen. She's doing it right now. Not everything is a capitalist conspiracy. You know what I'm saying? Who they, sweetie? The people that manufacture feet prisons.

Not everything in capitalism is inherently the devil. Have you tried Ultra Boosts? They're pretty nice. I mean, foot prisons, Tom. I mean, I don't know. Shoes feel good. I love shoes. I get it.

It's nice to walk barefoot in the sand and the grass sometimes. In stores, I'm like, no, I want shoes on. Bathrooms, especially. How about like a real nice comfy pair of sandals she couldn't get behind those? Yeah, those would be half foot prisons. But they're open. Open berks. Yeah.

Some smelly open berks for her. Yeah, she could do that. Yeah. And I mean, it does worry me that she's letting her one-year-old walk on gravel. Oh, she's going to raise that kid, too, yeah. Because in parks, there's all kinds of shit in the sand and they grab the heroin needles and crazy shit. Of course.

That's okay. Well, I hope she gets jabbed by one of those needles. You hope, huh? Gets AIDS. It's a nice hope. Yeah, I do. I kind of do. She's like, I know one day I will inevitably step into a sunsharp glass and not just the

glass, sweetie. It will hurt, but not as much as foot prisons hurt me. Okay. Jesus Christ. Yeah. You know what it kills me, too, about these people is like they're poo-pooing everything that's awesome in the Western world until they need it. Until they need it.

Hey, sweetie. After your badge gets a yeasty, you'll want to have that antibiotic. You know what I mean? Sure. Or like... Wait until you're trapped in a cave in Thailand. Then who are you going to call? Don't talk about this.

Huh? You're going to call a couple of cool Western guys. Thank you, by the way. I didn't even thank you for last night at 9.30. Usually is my bedtime and you go, oh, no, no, wait, I've got this great documentary I want to show you. It's on... It's the National Geographic and I look and the cover is like undersea diving, I think.

And I was like, oh, cool. I love the ocean. I want to learn about diving. And a few minutes in, it's like... And then the Thai children were swept into the cave and they were there for 18 days and I was like, what are you doing to me? You totally bamboozled me. I was so fucking fired up from this.

I had to take Xanax to chill out because I had the horrible images of these poor children in a cave. Yeah. It is fucking crazy. Remember the Thai soccer team story from a few years back where these boys and their coach had gone into the caves, which was normal to do in this part of Thailand? And they shut the caves down in July because that's when the rainy season begins, right? Right.

Right. And they fill up with water. Well, they were in in June, so they hadn't closed off the caves yet. Early grain came and these poor people were missing for over a week. I mean, they're missing obviously immediately, but a week before anybody actually found them, these divers. What happened was, I mean, I don't want to give away the whole story. It's a well-known story, so you know they were rescued.

But the Thai Navy Seals and like all these like military divers, they're not cave divers. They're divers. Let's be honest. The Thai military? Yeah. Thai Navy Seals. There's no Thai military. That's American.

I know, but they really deal with those guys, you know what I mean? The whole point is that these guys that are Navy Seals in from any country, while they're specialists and they're special forces and they know how to dive and they're great swimmers, they're not cave divers. So the people that actually are like the most important to this entire rescue operation are private citizens. They're hobbyists. They're people who dive in caves for fun.

And we're talking about like the openings in some of these caves, they have to slide their bodies. I think that they would send most people into, you know, like an anxiety like episode, right? Yeah, it's horrible. And these guys are like, this is what I do for fun. So the military has to end up tapping private citizens to go like, how would you do this? And those guys become instrumental to actually rescuing these, but it's a fascinating story and how far these guys have to swim.

This is not just like dive down the cave and there it is. We're talking about two and a half hours out and two and a half hours back and you have to rescue children one by one. That's the one part I don't want to give away. I mean, I'm sure you can read about it if you know, but it's so fascinating. It's on Disney Plus. It's a really good doc. I mean, it's really, really well done.

Yeah. And you watch them. They're like, I started cave diving. They're all like weirdos, which is, yeah, they're all introverts, super introverts. And there were bullies, but I blocked them out. Yeah, they're so cute. And yeah, and this one guy goes, he goes, well, I was so afraid of losing my precious cargo, meaning the child he was carrying, he's like, what if, what if he didn't survive?

I'd just have to start drinking. And then when he say he goes drinking and what was the second part? Yeah, like going off. Also, I was drinking and going off the rails and I thought, well, that is a very specific worry. And I totally, I love the nerds, by the way. Me too. They're great.

No, they were so. They were all great. Courageous. And can you imagine you have this weird hobby that you think nobody cares about? And I love that they're all socially awkward. They're like, I didn't have any friends. I was never picked for, I was all, they all said they were a horrible team. Team player jam.

Like on there, like I was the worst football player or cricket player, yeah. And then they get the call. Good at diving though. Yeah. And they, you got to see, there's this great footage of one of the guys and you just, he sets up a camera, like a GoPro, I guess, whatever, as he's going. Remember that one scene? And he's through like a slimy narrow and he's just like, how the fuck?

And you're underwater. It's, it's bananas with these guys are capable of it. You realize that most of them are just like, and you're just like, panic and die. I know. I can't do it. And these guys are like, this is fun. Yeah. I enjoyed this.

It was a great story. I do appreciate that. But whenever there's children involved, I immediately like, I can't take it. Yeah, there it is. Cave diving. But I mean, seriously, though, but be honest with me, Tom. Oh, yeah, that's what these fools are doing. There he is.

The there he is. Is not one of them. And imagine that's not underwater. No, that guy's just so imagine with a mask and they're like, and then if you're like, if I do get stuck, I'll just drown here. Well, and not only that, they were saying that the. Holy shit. The diving equipment.

Take it down. I want to see this. It's horrible. The diving equipment isn't just like a regular scuba dive equipment. No, this guy would like handcraft the tube of the thing that needs to. And then he's he they say that he shows up in Thailand. The first guy, the best diver in the world. And he shows up with a homemade oxygen.

Yeah, tank. And they're just like, this guy is going to save the day. And he's got like, old, like old wetsuits. And they're like, what's going on? He's like, I'm the world's best cave diver. Yeah. But how cool is it that your odd hobby, which is what they said are like, I have the weirdest hobby.

Nobody cares. Nobody likes that saves and is like the biggest thing ever. It was so sweet to. It was really a gut wrenching emotional story. Like I said, really cool before bedtime to traumatize me. Now, but please be honest with me. What? Just hear me out.

What? You're in a cave. Stop. Who do you want to save? And here we go. So Valentine's Day. We just passed. We just passed it.

Happy Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day. I hate Valentine's Day. I know. I actually greatly resent it. I do, too. Yeah. We have a long history of not giving a fuck about Valentine's Day.

But you know, it's nice for you. What? You're with somebody who's not a big fan of Valentine's Day, but because you have a public presence, other people find it in their hearts to want to share a Valentine's message with you. So you have a couple admirers of the Brad Pitt type who sent messages to you. Oh, good. Let's see.

Let's see what we got here. Okay. God. Good morning, Christina P. How are we doing this morning? I love you, my queen. Time to get up. Time to put them feet on the ground.

Let's take off running. The message repeats. It is going to be a beautiful Wednesday morning. I hope you're having a wonderful day. And just remember that King loves you. King will always love my queen. My big breasted animal queen. I love you, my queen.

I'll take care of that queen. I'm counting on you. Thanks, man. I'm counting on the king's army to rise and take care of that Christina P. All right. She is the number one queen. I love you guys. Lovely message.

Thank you, Steve. Um, I like that you, how you film this looks good. Let's make some videos. I want to see them. I want to laugh. Yeah. Well, I'm always flattered to be the object of his affection. I know that there are many women vying for his attention.

And the fact that he chose me to make a video. Makes you feel good. Makes me feel really special. Guess what? He's not the only one thinking about it. What? Yep. Check out old big dog law here.

Oh. And, uh, yeah. Very nice. Christina P, if you'll be my valentine and show me how those big tits fart. I'd like to ask Christina P. Is that nice? That was really nice. Will you be his valentine?

I would be his valentine. That's big dog law. He puts out some funny stuff. Yes. I'm familiar with his work on the talk. I've showcased him a few times. He has an interesting, um, physique. What are you trying to say, Tom?

Just, it's interesting. It's curious, sort of like the Thai military. Yeah. Yeah. Let's be honest, you're in the kitty. Okay, so. Who do you want? What?

Now, what about Chris Larson? Has he, um, done a monthly post? I'd really like to see what's coming on in, uh, what's the February post for people who have not missed an old C Lars does a monthly post and that we always look forward to them because he has such great insight. Wow. Exactly the same. That is a great, yeah, he's got a similar thing going on to, uh, Glendale Gary.

Okay, let's see what C Lars has to say. Hey everyone, happy Friday. Um, hope your Friday's good. The weekend's coming up, so hope your weekend's good too. Um, the weather's getting a bit cold down here in Texas. We're having a bit of a winter storm, so make sure you stay warm. Yep. If it's cold where you are.

True. Um, yeah. So anyway, a quick shout out to Jade's friend Brandon, Brandon had COVID last month and so he's just recovering and I hope, hope you're doing better Brandon. Hope, uh, hope COVID wasn't too bad for you. Um, yeah. Anyway, it's February, so Valentine's Day is right around the corner, so make sure you plan something special for your significant other and if you're single, um, just make

plans with like your friends or something because it's nice to see your friends no matter what day of the year it is. Um, yeah, so hope everyone's weekend's good, hope everyone's Friday's good and I'll talk to you later. Thank you so much for this Chris. Bye. Good job. He always blesses the timeline, um, once a month.

Once a month. What I like is he offers advice for those who are single for Valentine's Day. Maybe you don't have somebody you should see your friends, always good to see your friends. That's true. Have a good weekend. Have a good weekend. Seeing your friends is important. It's very important to see your friends.

Report. Yeah. Well, he's gotten really good at these and he had a fan going in the background. That's pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah. It's up to his game. Showed me that he put some thought into this when I liked it.

Sure did, babe. Yeah. Sure did. Stay warm guys. Everybody out there. If it's cold, especially if it's cold where you are, stay warm. Stay warm. Yeah.

Sound advice, babe. It is. We did another viewing, another doc. We saw the Tinder swindler. Oh, it's so good. It's really fantastic. It's really good. The thing I like about it is you know there's a hustle going on early.

Yeah. You're not exactly sure what it is. Like they keep the tension in it. It's a documentary that follows a guy who you, it's established very, very quickly that this guy is hustling, conning women in some way, but you're not, you're just not entirely sure what the hustle exactly is. Part of it means it's because of how it unravels on the show. That's the guy.

Simon, he changed his name to LeViv. His real name was Shimon Hayut, but then it went to Simon LeViv and a very cool guy. Very, very cool. He is worthy of a, oh, he's banned from dating apps. Oh, wow. Oh, well, that's one positive because he's exactly, Simon, he's not in jail. You deserve it. He only got went to prison for like five months too.

Yeah, it's pretty cool. He's out and he's out and dating. I think con men are really, they are fascinating to study a con, you know, like how it's effective. Like a really effective one. You're like, wow, like you really are so capable of tricking somebody like this. Yeah, and you think like, what is it in the women? What is the human need that the con addresses? Because all good cons, right, like they're meeting a human need and that's why you go

against your better judgment and you act in ways any rational sane person would not because of the emotional need there. I mean, this type is the type that his con involves getting you emotionally attached first. Yeah. It doesn't work without that. So it's like, I love you, here's, you know, like, I'll show you how much I love you emotionally connecting.

Yes. Then the person is like in and then you go, now I need favors, you know. That's true. Even like when you think of a Bernie Madoff, right? Yeah. His con was competence. Right. I will take care of you.

Maybe he was like, I will do. And then he became so in demand that he would turn people down and they would make them want him to accept him more. Exclusivity. Yeah. So it's like, I'm kind of like, we're full and he's like, please, I beg you, please take my money. So with the perception of him being the hot shit, being competent, and then you think

of, I had another one too in my head and I forgot it. Madoff. No, somebody else. No. What are some famous cons? Madoff is definitely the most famous. He's the one that did the biggest one ever. Ponzi schemes, you know.

Well, I just think the love one is fascinating because you trust somebody and they toy with them. That's the thing he said. It's particularly cruel. You can tell like when this documentary starts, you know, there's this one girl who like, you can tell she's sweet, you know? Yeah. Like vulnerable and really wants love.

That's her want is to be loved as everybody, but I think she was really, and really adept at these apps. Like she was, this wasn't her first time on the app. So. They're not like totally naive. No. They're falling for the bait. That's the thing is the bait hooks them.

You know, in his case, he was showing his lifestyle, which was like out of this world, you know? He was. Right. Because he had his basis covered where if you researched him, you Google him, he had pictures. Yeah. There he is on the yacht.

There is. On the website, on the jet. Yeah. He's with his dad. He's famous rich dad. This checks out, but is it that it's not even that hard, I guess, to Photoshop and create a whole identity? It's, yeah.

I mean, you got to be really committed to your account. That's the one thing is like they always say is with criminals, the ones who really put this effort. You're like, you're smart. Yeah. You know, you're, you're an intelligent person and you put a lot of effort. I know. But and I remember they, I forget who it was.

They're like, why didn't you do it like do the straight way? Like put all this effort and then smarts into something legal. Yeah. I'm like, there's no thrill in that though. That's the sick part is that the difference between these guys and like a CEO of a corporation. Like you're pretty intelligent. You know how to motivate people to do things that are against their better judgment. A lot of times, you know, you know how to organize people and come like you've got really

good skills. Yeah. The secondest is this guy is, he likes the game of like, I don't know, I guess he has no conscience. All right. These guys have no, no conscience. Yeah. Have you ever thought about like hustling someone, you know, any, yeah, of course, but me.

Yeah. I mean, I hustle like corporations, not people. Also corporations. Yeah. I don't steal from fucking people. I didn't think you steal from them, but I mean, like, you know, how do you build confidence? How do I build confidence in them? You know what I mean?

Like, do you like get them to, to, you know? I mean, to do what? To buy that you're somebody they should trust. To buy that there's somebody that they should trust, I mean, this guy would, you know, he would take them on his jet, he'd take them on his yacht, you know, would you like go out there and just be like, meet someone and just be like, hot sauce is the best. You know what I mean? Bro.

Listen, man. I don't know what I did, you know, I feel like I worked real hard here, you know, I fixed the laptop today before we shot, you know, we got a squashes, man. It's keeping me up at night. I think about it. I'm like, is it? Does he not like hot sauce? My enemy, my enemy, my enemy.

You know what I was thinking? Can we do a hot sauce tasting where you, you actually rank best hot sauce? Yeah, yeah, we can do that. I'd be down. I like hot sauce. It is legitimately the best. You have to tell people what this is from because we, we did an episode of two bears and there and Bert loves hot sauce and at one point, I guess he was talking about how

much he and then he said something and Bert didn't hear it because he didn't have the headphones in. So when he plugged him in, he goes, I couldn't hear you. And he just goes, I was just saying, you know, I was just saying hot sauce is the best. And so, so then I just said, exactly, and what? And then I said, hot sauce is the best. So now it's my favorite thing that he's ever said. You think it was like stupid the way he said it?

It wasn't stupid. It wasn't stupid the way he said it. It was just, you know, it's just one of those things that I've latched on to and now I'll never let it go. You know, this is what it's like to be friends with me. So now it's just this. Hot sauce is the best. What is your favorite hot sauce?

I really hate this. I'm being serious. This is serious discussion. I'll tell you mine. I like Cholula and you got me to try Cholula Green. I like the green. I like the green. That's good.

I don't like Tabasco. I think it's dog shit. Yeah. Tabasco sucks. I mean, I like, I keep forgetting the name, but Bert said it and I said I never had it because I don't remember the name. Oh, Yucateca? Yes, that one is.

That's your favorite. Is it super strong? It is. You like really hot, hot sauce. Yes. Yes. Well, just so you know, this whole thing is just starting. This is going to really grow.

Great. Bro, I was, I was having like a nice weekend and then you texted me as I was just chilling in my bed of voice messages. I'm like, I swear to God, there's no way that he's still holding on to this. And what was it? And I played it and I just sat there looking at my face. What? What could I have done to this man?

Someone lied to him about me that I wronged him in some way. Oh, I'm so excited to tell you what I have planned. Yeah. Yeah. It's for any. Oh, OK, good. It's good. Look at the look of terror.

He doesn't like it at all. He doesn't want to be surprised. You're going to like it. All right. I'm still going to work here. Yes. Yeah. And he has the same fear of abandonment that I do.

We go to catastrophe. See, he thinks you're going to fire him. What? Yeah. He always does. You know, you guys know that, man. You guys saved that fucking the spot. Or what is it?

The damn serious reveal? Yeah. You saved that for me when I was alone. You're like, guess what? And you just sat there and looked at me like just really drawing it out. And I'm like, and I said it. It was like in front of everybody. I'm like really in front of everybody right now.

You're just going to do this? Yeah. Like here's a display. Public execution. Yeah. That was the whole joke because he has a severe fear of that. No, no, no, no. Every time Nadal will come into a room and shut the door behind him.

I'm like, whatever it is. Like, here we go. I know. I got something to tell you. I want to laugh. I want to laugh. Yeah. Hot sauce is the best.

Okay. So. I love working here. So it just depends. I don't know what you mean. Hey, man, you know, we know, we never, we never did that tennis match. That's what we need to do. You're right.

You're right. We did a tennis match. That's true. No, please. Please. No, he will break. Yeah. Don't not please.

No more physical matches, guys. You told me I have to watch. I have not seen this confrontation at a drive through. So I think you're going to love it. It's it's multiple parts. Yeah. It's pretty cool. It's pretty cool.

Yeah. It's three parts boiled down into all those clips. Okay. Here we go. Freaking out over at cheeseburger at McDonald's at three in the morning, making everyone fucking wait. You're being a dick, bro. They're not letting me pay with card.

They're not letting me pay with card either. Shit happens. So then wait in the fucking wait, wait in the fucking parking lot. Holy fuck you. You're a bitch. Okay. I'm a bitch. Yeah.

You've got to record everything you do. What about your life? No, because you're just being a fucking awesome. Look at the fucking line behind you. That's one. I ordered food. I waited 40 minutes. So did all of us.

Now no one can order food. Now everyone's fucking sitting in the fucking waiting because. What did you say? Now everyone's fucking sitting and waiting because of you. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I waited 40 minutes. I'm not leaving until I get my food. Just because you recorded on your phone doesn't make you cool.

I need this. Until they take my legal cash payment. You're fucking the EDD card? Yeah, exactly. I'm not leaving. You think you're cool. You think you're cool. I get it.

You were picked on your whole life. You're bullied. You just can't talk to me. I'm not moving. I'm not moving until you give me the food. I'm not moving until you give me the food. I'm not moving until you give me the food. I'm not moving until you give me the food.

I'm not moving until you give me the food that I ordered. I gotta say, so far, I'm on its side. I'll pay with card. I have money. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm not leaving until you pay me my food. I'm sorry. I waited 40 minutes.

You're not allowed to... You're not allowed to move because I waited... I can't move is what I can't do. No, because I waited so long. Everyone is punished now. Yeah, everybody is punished. Oh. What do you do there?

What was that? You try to hit his camera through the car window. Oh, touch my camera through the car window. Everybody is punished. Yeah. Oh, wow. Okay, listen, I know your life is sad. I know you probably were hurt growing up.

I can see it in your eyes. I know. And it's okay like I accept you. But today, on this day, I wanted to eat and waited 40 minutes. I'll follow you. And waited 40 minutes in that line. I waited just as long as you did.

I know you did. I'm behind you. But guess what? Are you paying card? I can't pay card. We're all in the same boat. Yeah, but guess what? They won't take long.

Yeah, they won't take long. But I get it, you're sad. And you don't really have anything to live for. Okay. All you have is to record McDonald's drive-through lines. I think it's just funny. I think it's just a fantastic experience. It's pretty funny, but your life is sad.

Okay. See like my life is great. And I just wanted McDonald's tonight. But you're sad and you're an encey-encey tiny little man. This makes you happy to watch this. I like this. Yeah. I'm gonna join this.

I feel horrible watching it. I'm really excited about where it's going. You know? Thank you for the feedback. I appreciate it. You're really like, what do you do like tech stuff? No. Because your car is shitty and it's like from what?

Like 1990? You have a 94 sob. Yeah, that's a collector's item. Here's what happens. Because he's a dick, this guy. But the guy recording really is keeping his composure in an impressive way. Yeah. Like the fact that he's so calm is actually, it's pretty impressive.

Yeah. And you love this, right? I'm really into this. Hell yeah. I know you love confrontation. This was like a primo. Yeah. And this is cool.

And I'm sure you're gonna put it on. We're gonna go viral. I really hope I do. I do. Please, God, for the love of God, make me viral. This would be tight. McDonald's guy freaks out. It'll bring cash back, you know, the cash people out there.

Listen, anybody who's watching this, cash is king. I just wanted to pay with my card. And that's okay. But they don't take the EBT card. I don't think he's gonna actually, I don't think he actually really heard that. You know, like say your EBT, he was like, yeah, credit card. Oh, okay. I thought he really did have.

No. Okay. But you don't, you're not as cool as you think you are. What do you play? World of Warcraft? No, I don't play games. What do you play? What do you do?

Not play games. You just drive like a... It's a O3 Ford Expedition. O3 Ford Expedition. Because I don't want to fuck this car up. Because you don't want to fuck my other car up. It's not a car. This is a piece of shit.

It's a big-ass SUV. It's a piece of shit. Don't lie. Yeah, it's a $10,000. You're a coward of a person. Okay. You really are. Do something.

Like, I really wish you would, but you won't. I know you won't. You're a little bitch. And like, listen, here's the bottom line. I want my food. I deserve my food. It is my... I fucking ordered it.

Okay? I waited in line 40 minutes. I'm not going to leave. So until they give me that food, I'm not leaving. Alrighty. Wow. I feel like... God, exhausted.

Yeah, I am kind of tired. Just watching that guy. I also feel like this... You know, it's kind... Everyone's... It's kind of relatable, though. You know? Meaning...

Which part? You don't always hold up. You don't hold up the line like this. No. But the thought has occurred to you. Like, if I don't... I've waited. If I don't get my food, fuck everybody.

Like, everybody relates to that emotion. They don't always act on it. No. No? No. You've never been like, frustrated to the point where you're like, fuck all this? No. No.

No. I've never been like, frustrated to the point where you're like, fuck all this? I go the opposite. I go to... Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed. I'm going to leave and just go die right now. No. I'm saying you've never related to the emotion of being so frustrated that you're like, fuck

everybody. I'm not saying you actually hold up the line. But yeah. Yeah. Yes. I know. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, but my personal go to in this moment would be like, oh my God, I'm so embarrassed.

I got to run away. I got to run away and die right now. Yeah, but that's not what I'm saying. You're saying you understand his emotion of fuck all y'all. If I don't get what I want. He's acting on it. I'm saying the emotion is relatable. Yeah.

Acting on it is not. Yeah. I'm going to burn down the whole building. Exactly. Oh, I know. Yeah. Now that you're friends with Brad. No, they won't do it.

They won't do it. Well, do you have the cash? Well, bro, I'll cash out of you. If you give me the cash, I just want to eat up. Is that so fucked up? I don't want to eat. I really take it. Bro, but that's the principle of it.

I waited 40 minutes in line to try to eat. And you know how this feels. I'm not trying to disrespect you guys. I'm just trying to respect myself. You just like came and disrespected. He was being a bitch and according to that. There's a lot. It's about to get, it feels like it's about to get violent.

I miss California. This makes me miss LA. Because they're so, they're so. Bro, this guy right here is just trying to fucking do it. It gets so. You just disrespected him, doc. Yeah, I love, I love hearing this shit. It reminds me of home.

If they really wanted to move someone would have spotted me the eight bucks and I could have cash out them. So then the McDonald's starts ignoring me and I get out of my car and I'm like knocking. And mind you, I'm drunk, nicotine, all this shit. I'm waiting in line to, you know, he was being a complete fucking bitch. So I called him a bitch and a nerd. He was just working.

And she probably is supporting some people in her life. She doesn't deserve that. So I do feel bad about that. I feel bad about drunk driving. But bro, I do not feel bad about the way I talked to that guy because he was a bitch and a nerd. That was a fucking straight up bitch ass nerd. Point taken to Shea.

He was drunk. That's what, but of course I would have, if that were me, I'd be like, bro, how much is your fucking McDonald's? Okay. That's the other thing. That's the other thing. If you're one of those people behind them, you're like, this guy's an asshole and he's drunk.

But I also want this line to fucking move. At a certain point, I'd be like, yeah, here's fucking 40 bucks. I know. Buy McDonald's tomorrow too. Get the fuck out of here. No, just to make him go away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bro, it's eight dollars.

That guy recording was a bitch ass nerd. Yeah, he was a bitch ass nerd. He was a bitch ass nerd. Fucking dork. Fucking asshole. Yeah, don't video it, you fucking bitch. Yeah, man. Snitches get stitches right now.

What is this thing that I'm supposed to pronounce? Because you haven't told me anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, ready? What word is this? C-R-A-Y-O-N. Crayon? Boom, fuck your mom.

What do you mean? How do they say it? Go ahead and say it. I've always grown up calling it crayons. What? Thank you. Crayons. Annie, go ahead.

Crayons. I used to say it before we discovered the correct way to say it. I used to say crayons, but what is that? What is crayons? It's the queen's way of saying it. It's not American. Go ahead and Google. We did this.

Crayons. Thank you. Crayon. A crayon. I've never heard another pronunciation. Thank you. And I said it that way on where my mom's at and they were like, what is new crayon?

Crayon. Okay. Crayon. Yeah, crayon. Okay, now go to the British. British pronunciation. Crayon. And that's what they're saying?

Yeah. Crayons. No, I did not say crayon. Yes, you did. No, I said crayon. Crayon. Crayon. Like C-R-A-N is essentially how I used to say it.

Crayon. Crayon. Crayon. And you said crayons. Crayons. Crayons. Crayons. Crayons.

Crayons. Crayons. Crayons. I can't even try to pronounce it like that. Crayons. Crayon. Crayon? Crayon.

Oh my God. What? It's none of those things. It's crayon. I know. Why are you saying it that way? I was born and raised in L.A., that's how Angelino say it. Nah, bro.

Come on, man. Crayon. Crayon. It's very clearly crayon. Wait, and do you want to know the worst part of their call? It's literally phonetic. Sure. Some words are phonetic.

So is crayon. Crayon. To some people. Crayon. You saw the pronunciation, though. Do you think it's not? I think, you know, some people say you all. Some people say y'all.

No, it's not the same. I would just like to vocalize, I am now on your team. You're alone, homie. Tommy. Yeah, go have some hot sauce. Tommy. Oh, okay. Cool.

Can I tell you the best part, though? Yeah. Is that, we were talking about this somewhere my mom's at. And speaking of conning, they convinced me that I was wrong. Because they're like, no, it's crayon. It's crayon. We're from LA. Everybody says crayon.

And I was like, okay. And then I started saying crayon. And I'm like, wait a minute. Let's Google pronounce pronunciation. I'm not exaggerating this. I've never heard a other version of crayon, ever. I've never heard it said the way that you guys are even. Crayon.

But that's not how we're saying it. You're saying crayon. Crayon. Crayon. Wait, now you're saying crayon. Crayon. Crayon. Crayon.

I'm getting lost a little bit in my own head. Yeah. Crayon. Do the other people in there? Crayon. That's how I say it. Do they say? Crayon.

Yeah, how do you say it, Chad? Who's that? Crayon. Crayon. That's how Chad says it. Chad's normal. Chad's normal. I know it's wrong.

Didn't you just say crayon? Crayon. Crayon. He says crayon. Crayon. Crayon. He said crayon. Yeah, that's like the British way, right?

Yeah, that is. Does Danny say that too? No. I don't think so. I think he said that he said it the wrong way, the way that you and Christina say it. Crayon. Yeah. The way that everybody I've ever known in my life says the word.

You know what I'm saying? Bernstein Bear is the wrong way for a really long time. Oh my God. Wait, what is it again? It's Bernstein. Bernstein. Bernstein Bear. I was calling the Bernstein Bears.

It's Bernstein, right? Bernstein. Bernstein Bears. Kranz. Kranz. And yes, I'm a loser. Yeah. Okay.

Baby, what's up ladies? Yeah. My beautiful girl. What's up girls? Jesus Christ. Fucking. Yeah, our words. Talk English.

Jesus Christ. No. It's infuriating that they also brainwashed me into thinking I was, because I was trying to be open-minded. I was like, you know what? I was raised by foreigners. I say things wrong all the time. Yeah.

Maybe this is combative. Maybe this is one of those. Combative. Chewing gum. Sun visor. Moments for me. And I'm open to learning. Yeah.

It wasn't. I was right. You definitely were saying that right. Thank you, Tom. Yeah. I appreciate your support. Yeah. It's actually, this is like as like somebody's telling me that, you know, oh, did you know

you've been saying house? You know what? I always, I always say who's. Yeah. What the fuck are you even talking about? Never anybody. Yeah. It's never been a debate about how to say crayon.

No, that's what I thought too. I thought everybody knew how to say our basic word. Actually, I don't ever want to hear this argument again. I know. It's very upsetting. Yeah. It's very upsetting. I'm glad you agree with me.

Yeah. It's really dumb. Fucking crayon. Fucking stupid. Do you like hot sauce? Hot sauce is the best, dude. Okay. I smell a t-shirt.

Hot sauce is the best. Hot sauce is the best. Not the prove it, huh? You're going to leave me with the hot sauce one. That's the job. Can I hear it again? May I hear it? Yeah, of course.

What is it? Let's play the clip and like what, it's the goofiness. Like he's so enthusiastic. Like is it, is it because he's so genuinely, he's pretty enthused in any, he's very enthused when he does get there. It's really sweet. No, it was, he was genuine. And you know, he was like, Bert was just in one of his dumb fucking diatribes, you know?

Sure. And then he just jumped in like, no, I agree. It is best. So then I was like, oh fuck off. Yeah. Hot sauce is the best. Hot sauce is the best. Wait till I show you why.

Yeah. I can't believe you cropped that. I can't believe you took that bite. Oh my God. There's a longer one coming. Oh shit, really. I'm so excited. And he's so cool.

He's the coolest. It's good to see any in an uncool moment. You know, we have on video. No, not like you're trying to be. I'm just saying that you are. And we're all fucking. Yeah. The word isn't good around here, right?

No, you're genuinely like, you are like, you know, you're cool. No, you're not a cool guy. Stop commenting daddy under my post, you guys, please. Please, please. So we were home before I left. Yeah. And I was wrestling with our boys on the couch. You actually have this on video.

We can't share it because there's pediophiles. True. But it was right before they bathe. So they fucking ripped their clothes off. They run around naked like psychos. And then their whole thing with me is like, we want to torture you. That's what they say. Torture daddy.

So they jump, they kick, scratch, bite, fucking hit me. They're like, throw me. They're like, it's all like super aggressive. And so, you know, Ellis, who's bigger and stronger, he'll like hurt me. So I'll pick him up and I'll put him, you know, hold him like in a grip. And I just start like squeezing him, you know, like doing pressure point stuff. And he's like, ah, so as I'm doing that, my face is like dug down like this. And I'm huffing and puffing because I've been throwing them and chasing them.

I'm like, like breathing hard. And my head is down. I can't really see, you know, like because I'm, I'm squeezing them on the couch and I'm buried down like this. And then I just feel like I feel something against my forehead. I'm like, what the fuck? And as I feel it, because I'm huffing and puffing, I take a deep inhale. I'm like, and I'm like, oh, and I push back and it's my three year old's asshole.

He had sat right here. And I didn't see it. And I go, oh, and it smelled like a musky, like a full day asshole. He had farted and sweat and shit. And I was like, oh, and it burned. It singed the hairs in my nose. I was like, oh my God. Like 10 minutes later, I'm getting ready to just jump in the shower.

And I'm like, I smell it. Like I can smell it still in my nose. And I've never seen him so happy. He was thrilled. He was laughing so hard. He's like, I rubbed my ass on you. Yeah, I know you did. Yeah, they love to rub there because the dog does it, Bitsy.

And they learn so they'll imitate Bitsy. They get naked and they rub their assholes on our carpets. They'll rub their assholes on my legs as a joke. They're like, my ass is on your leg. You're like, thank you. Yeah, he was so proud of himself. He loved that. I laughed so fucking hard.

And it just so happened that I was recording. I know. And I was like, oh yeah. The video. Dude, it's so funny. It's epic. But there's pedia files. So I can't share it.

No, not even the audio? No. Yeah. It's pretty funny though. Because you're like, oh, what's that? Oh, and you freak out. It's so great. Yeah.

That was really funny. Yeah. I thought about it for days. Yeah. Good time. Too bad there's so many creeps out there and we can't share a family moment like that. No, right. Did you send that video to Brad?

Scumbags. Yes, I'm piece of shit. Did you send the video to Brad? Yeah. Of course, we watched it together. Yeah. He's like, air drop it. I was like, all right.

Wow. And the pit stop. So cool, dude. Yeah. Me and pit stop. Dang. Yeah. You think he'll stay in our guest house?

I don't know. He's probably used to bigger accommodations. Yeah. But whatever, come over for dinner. Yeah. Well, he's a big fan of yours. I thought maybe he'd like to stay at the house, you know. Yeah.

Believe me. I keep hearing that. Big fan of yours, baby. I know. He's just all over you, huh? Yeah. Too much. I don't know.

What are you going to do? It's just how it is, man. I'm just one of those guys. You know what I am? Different. Yeah. Becoming the fame champ now. You're famous friends.

He's coming. Done been. Jeez. How did you talk to you for a second, Matt? We talked to you for a second. Yeah. Well, I think we should wrap this up. Okay.

Because we have some things we got to do. Yeah. Stuff like that. We will be back in a week with more. Thank you for listening. Thank you for watching. And don't forget, my book is on presale. TomScare.com slash brook.

It's brook. No. Slash book. Audible is now up. The audible thing. A lot of people asked about audible, but you can order it anywhere. You can pre-order books. We've been doing the audio book.

It's been a lot of fun. We've been recording it here at the studio. And I'm on tour. TomScare.com slash tour. I would like to do my dates too. Yeah. Do some dates. Let's do those dates.

Jeans. I'm so excited and amazed. ChristinaPeeOnline.com for my upcoming tour dates. Did you want to plug some days before I do my tour? I mean, I would just say go to my tour page. I have literally hundreds of shows. And we're going to be announcing more. If you want the first come, first serve thing about my tickets for the next leg that we're

going to announce, sign up on the website for the mailing list because we'll send them the link first, the presale link first. Nice. Go ahead. All right. February 25th and 26th, the Miami improv. March 4th. Right now.

Right now. Right now. March 4th and 5th. I'm going to be at the Tampa, Florida. And then I go to Charlotte, North Carolina. I do some local spots here in Austin. It's hot today. So make sure you drink water.

April 13th. I'm at the state side at Paramount as part of the Moontower Comedy Festival here in Austin. Much love. May 3rd. One night only at the Regent Theater as part of the Netflix as a joke comedy festival. And then I go to mini-Apple tits. Like women.

May 6th and 7th at Act Me Comedy Club. The Irvine improv May 20th and 22nd. I am your mother. Oh, yeah. The Borgata in Atlantic City, New Jersey, the Wilbur, Boston, Cleveland, Ohio, and on and on it goes. How's that for the best? There you go.

There you go. Christina, be online. Now come for tickets. All right. There you go. Nice. Thank you for watching and listening. We'll see you guys next week.

Bye. Yeah, I take cops badges all the time doing it. Well, we're changing it to job because you're taking it out of context there. What do you, how do you get a job here? What do you, how do you get a job here? What's up there, Joe Moe? Listen here. You get a job here there.

Fuck face. What do you, how do you- What do you call it? What do you, how do you- You don't call it? What's up there, Joe Moe? Listen here. You get a job here there.

Fuck face. You know what? What can I ask you anything I want? What is this place? You know what? That's not what you- Ta ta there, retard. What do you, how do you get a job here?

What do you, how do you get a job here? Oh, I'm the only doctor, man. I don't care. Retired, retard. I'm a private person. Retired, retard. You don't need a film. Retired double agent.

You're a fucking retard. What do you, how do you get a job here? What do you, how do you get a job here? What's up there, chomo? Listen, here, you get a job here. Fucking loose- Retired, retard. I'm a private person.

Retired, retard. You don't need a film. Retired double agent there. You're a fucking retard. What do you, how do you get a job here? What do you, how do you get a job here? You know what? You're fired, okay.

You didn't fall for a criminal. What do you, how do you get a job here?