Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 646 - Jenny Pentland - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: March 9, 2022

JEANS UP!! On this week's YMH, Tom Segura and Christina P discuss husbands watching their wives give birth, the BTK killer, peener size, and "Ozark." They watch a batch of "Horrible or Hilarious" videos and new videos of Fedsmoker buying cigarettes and fighting with a church band. Then, Chris Larson faces up against the newest YMH staffer, Chad, to see who the smartest person at YMH is. The Main Mommies quiz them on basic knowledge and U.S. citizenship questions, and the victor is surprising! Jenny Pentland is a writer, childhood friend of Christina's, and Roseanne Barr's daughter. Her new memoir is called "This Will Be Funny Later." She joins Jean and Jean to discuss memories from growing up with Mommy Tina, watching her mom, Roseanne Barr, rise to fame, being babysat in the back of The Comedy Store, Tom Arnold joining her family, and her life now raising five boys. She wraps up by watching Christina's TikTok curations and Tom's "Horrible or Hilarious" clips.

Yeah, I don't laugh at these ever really I can't because all I see is oh shit my kid has a bike Yeah, my kid has a skateboard. Yeah, he's wearing a helmet. So his mom he's fine. He's fine. He's fine, but like yeah But that hurt he's totally fine, right? Hey And welcome to another episode of your mom's house Podcast she's Christine. I'm Todd and we got a lot of things to go over today very important topics we're gonna examine the intelligence of our staff and

Yeah, there's just a lot to get into there is a lot to get into you know, we've had some new additions on the staff In this year and I think we all had an idea of the hierarchy of intelligence It was pretty clear. It was very clear, but now with these new additions Yeah, it was not so sure anymore. Nope. Nope. Nope. And then yeah, and now we got a yupp So we got a yupp We'll see how that goes Uh Yeah, it's uh, it's real kind of throws you off, right? You're like, hey

It does because I'm used to a certain level of conversation during lunchtime and then now there's there's different voices in the mix and it's like Who am I dealing with? I know it's almost like could you dumb it down a little bit? Dial it back. Yeah I have to fart again. Oh Did you hear it? Did you guys hear it? Yeah. Yeah, I think it picked up. Yay Yeah, if Chad nods, it's definitely counts Oh if Chad nodded. Yeah. Yeah. He's got like real sonic ears. Does he? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think Chad is Really if we're gonna I mean if we want to get into this discussion right now, I think he's pretty bright. Yeah. No, he's pretty bright

Yeah, no, I'm doing the audiobook and they have a sound engineer And they and they make me resay things and then Chad's like I have some also And then I have to do what he hears Wait, what do you mean? I have some also some things that you might not have heard and then the whole staff There's like, we don't know what the fuck he's talking about Let make him do it. So yeah, he's right. He has he has little fucking dog ears and he hears them. Yeah Yeah Smart kid. He's reading one. You know

He's he's can I tell you what he's reading right now? What? He's reading Nietzsche right now for for some Seriously some light reading Nietzsche? Yeah, beyond good and evil Let me tell you even if someone that studied that stuff, they don't make us read that one. Let me do you want to be here? I'm actually really happy to be here. Okay. All right. Cool. Wow And he wrote us Christmas cards. Yeah, very enter. Yeah. He's a good boy Yeah, really thought no Chad is a good boy. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, well, it's good. We have the you know the one

Yeah, yeah Well, no chris larson was all right. Well, don't forget we we do have You who you're looking at me. Yes. Oh, you're good I am a fucking jewel. Yeah, and then we have uh Uh Got hot sauce go ahead. Yeah, just play it. Just play it. Just just just go ahead Keep giving it to me. You got it hot sauce is the best Yeah, now we have get staff though. They're great. No, they're all amazing

And but I'm saying like they're all amazing. I think in a general In a common knowledge Test, I wonder who would fare the best like I'm not saying I I definitely wouldn't score a very like I don't fucking know a lot of things bro. I don't know. Fuck about shit Specialized knowledge is what you have. Do I even anymore? doubtful, but like in general Current events you'd fail far zero point. I don't know. I've been reading the telegraph lately the british newspaper

I'm blown away by that And I enjoy it because I feel like I'm really learning stuff because they're there Their english language is way better than ours their english language. I have to look up I gotta look up words constantly captain seafood Seafood captain. Yeah, he's a seafood captain seafood captain. Yeah In but anyway, different different. I'm saying like in a generalized knowledge Quiz I'm wondering. I think I know who would win. You do. Yeah. All right. We'll keep it to yourself Yeah, maybe we'll come up with a little test

Um, all right. You ready to start the show? Yeah, let's do it What would you change about yourself if you could? I would like a longer dick Longer thicker dick, let's say I want that package To your mom's house And miss and I miss you Clutching the pearls over there

Oh, you're right You were you were leaning like like Leo when he jerks off How great was that re reliving them the magic with god, I really had been thinking about him a lot So it was nice to bring it back. Yeah, don't think I won't be doing that more I hope not just once a year. I'll let you do that I thought you were playing the audio. Yeah, that was so good. Yeah, I can struggle to breathe too So, um, yeah, this nice old man It's nice that I you know, I like this is that this is an older gentleman that um

That it never changes that whether you're 15 or whatever he is you're like, I want a bigger dick Makes sense though. I don't know who if anybody would you if you could change it would you change it your dick? Hell, yeah, you would yeah anybody else in there too No, same. I don't think I would same good Okay, yeah Wow, wait, sorry Chad Chad's good. Who's dick? Yeah, the dog says no Danny. How's your dick sitch? Would you would you change your dick sitch? Yeah, yeah, everybody's dick sitch. Yeah

I wouldn't want to just because I would be afraid that and then it would start to get to like hurting and shouldn't need to complain All right, I'm I'm dead serious I'm gonna braggard Sheesh, he's like I'm right on the line of pain right now. So Don't you get me anymore now that changes that's different than Your first experience with a woman, right? Yeah, that is a polar opposite of my first experience I grew up I had like four years where I thought I had like a little baby dick that I had a micro penis

That's it. And wait, I didn't realize it lasted that long. Oh, yeah, because I was afraid to have sex after that Oh my gosh Yeah, because I mean who the fuck dude any guy well for anybody who doesn't know I said it on the honeydew a long time ago But for anyone who doesn't know I uh the first chick that ever fucked was said after I was like, so how was it? She was like it was good. Um Smaller than I thought, you know, I was expecting a lot more. This is your first time I was expecting a lot more. She was saying I I expected I just expected a lot more, you know, because you're Uh

So, uh, that Filipino Yeah, that's terrible. I I have to say as a lady who I have been with so many shapes and sizes Rainbow variety colors shapes Oh I've had Tiny peonies and I've never Um, I mean, I've had one in particular that I was like this is this is abnormally small But I would never in my life

What did you I would never say that how many times were you with teeny tiny? Uh, we had we had a relationship that lasted a little bit. Okay. Oh, you know a couple months Okay, so and so but you knew after the first time Yes, and then but you were like, okay, but here's the deal man is that I liked him And I was like, maybe maybe I can be that person that can get around that And also it's like big deal right and also there is someone this is the one thing about because everybody for the people watching or listening There's every shape and size watching and listening. There is a match for you There is someone who actually goes like that's perfect for me. Perfect because she might not enjoy penetration maybe or maybe it hurts for her

Yeah, normally. So that could be a good fit. Um, and at the end of the day, I didn't break up with him because of that That's not why you broke up. No, and I'm not gonna go into why now because I don't want anyone to be identified in my past but like um Yeah, I I but I would never dream of being like, hey, you have A small and that's just why would you even say that to somebody? I think that's so cruel That's brutal. I wouldn't that would be brutal here. I can imagine that that must have been traumatizing as shit for Through you off for four years

Yeah, that that made me afraid. I just imagined I mean, I was I was already scared of sex the first time so it was like when I heard that it was like, okay So I guess I'm just not gonna do that. God. No one's gonna want that. You know what I mean? And then you said you you did eventually call her one time or talk to her one time I called her after my next like my girlfriend I guess technically like my first girlfriend Who I then fucked after her which was like, you know, four years later And she would tell me when we fucked that I had a big dick and eventually I was just like, hey

Could you not like I I get what you're doing and like I appreciate it. Yeah, like please don't don't say that And she's like, what do you fucking talk like? No, no, no, like you have a nice Dick I'm like, no, I don't like please like it just makes me feel uncomfortable. And so she ended up shunt She showed me google like Uh, uh, what is it like the average size of a male penis? Yeah. Yeah, and then we measured it together and I was like, oh My god, like wait, it's actually good. And then I called the the that one chick and she was what the Yeah, well, you were like, what are you what were you doing? Yeah, I was like, so remember when you said what you said

What were you expecting and she said 12 inches? 12 inches and and and again like you should have been like, how were you gonna be good with that? I don't think the vagina is even that a deep no comedy. No, that would be insanely painful and but that's the thing like we were young so it was Stuff that's unrealistic. You can kind of get away with I guess when you're younger You could say some real stupid shit just because you don't know yet. Yeah, for sure So I guess there was a part of me that believed it but as I kept telling the story later I realized I think she just wanted me to feel bad. Yeah when she said it because uh,

I wasn't attracted to her at the time and she knew And so I tried I tried my best to like get with her and and be into her I asked my mom how to be into someone that's unattractive Oh my god She was like you can't No Was she like objectively unattractive or you just weren't into her? No, it was because uh, so I met her online We were we were playing games and then I met her and she kind of catfished me in a way

Like not like she was completely different, but she was definitely this was before Sending videos and shit. Yeah, so she had some real nice photoshopped She was misleading you yeah, and then she was like well I'll make you feel bad because I can tell you don't like me Right and and it's like I don't know what I have been objectively unattractive to her If she just showed me who she was at the beginning. I don't know. I can't but definitely Definitely when you when I think it's something and then you're not that I mean, of course, I'm not gonna like you know She's a jerk. Yeah, she's a jerk. See you later lady. Ta ta there return. Yeah

You should never say that to somebody. I don't think you should ever say that No, I never I fucking never heard that I had I actually got misled the other I had I slept I slept with a lot of chicks Yeah, yeah, yeah I had a couple that were like that were like you got a fucking You know knock a few off of this thing Make them take shorter knock a few inches off I had one girl who I mean it was almost like theatrics, you know Where she was like stop, you know, like it's hurting and I was like shut up, you know, shut up, bitch. Yeah

Yeah But it was great. It was great. I didn't I didn't actually go like oh, it must be I knew what I had but she was just like, you know petite and like Just so tight, you know, I mean Yeah It is a bummer though, I mean Honestly, because I've delivered to kids. Yeah, like it's just your body gets split in half twice I mean, is it just the worst situation for you down there? No, no, it still works just fine

God, it's so depressing. Why? Oh, no What do you think like oh, I don't know. I don't kind of don't care enough. I think have you seen me struggle to uh Accomplish my goals No Doesn't seem to slow you down one bit. That's funny. I'm where my mom's at. We had a guy right in who was like I am terrified of how I'm gonna I'm not attracted to my pregnant wife right now And I'm terrified of the delivery. I don't want to see it because what if I can't get back in there after

I guess that's legit for some people. Of course it is and I was like, well try watching some videos online of birth And if you're really that freaked out, then you know not to look. Yeah, but you looked At me. Did I poo poo? Tell me the truth. No, you're lying Did I shit tell me because we were talking about that? I told you no and you keep going Because it sounds like everybody shits when they give birth you didn't You swear on our children's eyes. Now a bunch of shit came out of your cooch But it wasn't fecal matter blood and a child placenta and a kid

But I and I don't care if I did I wouldn't mind either if I browned I would tell you the truth Yeah, okay, you really would. Yes. If I brown, okay, why would I keep that from me? I don't know. Because some girls are embarrassed of browning. I personally am not you think at this point I would still be like, I gotta keep that from her. I don't know. I don't know I mean, maybe you maybe you thought that I would be embarrassed, but I'm I really am not I just wanted genuinely know like did I brown when I pushed not that I if you browned I honestly didn't see it I mean, I was also In quite a zone, you know watching your

Children be boring. Yeah boring. Yeah, I was like wrap it up Yeah, it was intense. It's an intense experience to watch. Yeah. Yeah I'm the second one. I pushed a part of my bladder out of me. Did you know that? Nope. I didn't see that Yeah, because after I gave birth I was like, um, what's that part hanging out of me, sir? Doctor and he's like, oh, yeah, that's your bladder and I was like, what? He's like, yeah, that'll go back in a few days I'm like, what? He's like, yeah, sometimes you push really hard and you push your

Bladder out through your uterus and I was like, I didn't see that Yeah, I was thinking of all the coochies I'd seen in my life and I was that wasn't thinking Yeah, and so that but that didn't slow you down sexually I I didn't notice that you were even remotely phased by didn't faze me and even during my pregnancies you were never like I liked pregnant. You wanted to get in there. Yeah. Yeah, even when I meet pregnant women now I always ask if they're down, you know Do you remember when I was pregnant with Ellis? Um, I got hit on at the public pool When we used to live in the south bay and I would go swimming with Ellen was pregnant with my first kid

Our first kid and I remember I was like huge I was so and I was like 60 pounds overweight because I'd been eating cheeseburgers three times a week In and out Carlos jr. Alternating, you know And the doctor was like you cannot gain another pound like he's like you're so fucking fat right now You're gonna get diabetes and I was like, all right, I'll go swim I remember like this guy I was like standing just like uh like so fat and pregnant And this guy swam up to me or something. He's like I forgot what he said. He was like he talked to you for a second. He's like

Yeah He goes like I think pregnant women are sexy Now I was like get the fuck out of here, bro. Like You also had the mailman tell you about his sexy legs. That's right. So I was pregnant with Ellis And yoga outside. I was inside. I was doing my put my yoga and he comes up and I go Hey, dude, you know, we've seen the guy and he's like, yeah a lot of women around this neighborhood They like me in my shorts. They think I got sexy legs I was like you should also make clear that this guy was 60

Yeah, definitely not in my kind of look like this guy right here. Yeah, I kind of did. Yeah He was a sweet guy, but They like when I wear my shorts so they can see my sexy legs. Yeah Very cool, very cool. Yeah, but you get I got hit on quite a lot when I was pregnant It's a definitely a thing. Some people are really attracted to it. Some dudes are really into it. Yeah, I liked it I like when you're pregnant. Yeah, I liked I liked being second trimester pregnant I think I've said that to you on occasion. I've been like, oh, I wish I were like five months pregnant just today Yeah, I love the feeling of being five or six months pregnant. It's the best

How come because you look adorable. Oh, yeah, it's right. It's like the cutest time You're not nauseous anymore. You got the cute bump and you can start to feel the baby Moving like fluttering. So it's like it's just a sweet little time and then it just goes south Yeah, and then it gets bigger and bigger and you're like, oh fuck it out of me. Yeah, I was never like, oh, you're pregnant No, you you're not that guy So a lot of dudes are I think right now one thing I don't like that exists though is pregnancy porn I think that's really like sad. I'm like Like she has to do that. Yeah, she has to do that right now. Oh, no

You can await it a month or two. You're doing your pregnant gang bang really? Think about that kid being like, come on mom. Oh god I don't want to talk about this even Yeah I didn't think about you're gonna find it one day and be like of all the times you could have shot scenes I know I gotta be in one I even think about like women that cheat when they're pregnant Which is so crazy to me like you've already got one dudes jizz that you're growing

Yeah in you his baby and then you're like, I'm gonna go get jizzed in By a different guy like it's so counterintuitive to me. Yeah Yeah, because when I was pregnant with your babies, I feel so close to you. Yeah, it's normal It's a bonding experience. Yeah, we're a bonded pair. Yeah, as they say in the dog world We're bonded pair and some girls uh can't help themselves. You know They're just uh what babe What? They meet the right guy, you know, just let me eat you

Things take off Anyway, yeah So anyway, I sorry I got zoned out. I was just like thinking about It's like and also too just like like when I hear about pregnant women cheating on their spouses or whatever It's like dude. It's like the least attractive timing or like for me personally. I didn't ever feel maybe that's what it feels it Oh Feeling not attractive, you know, sure Maybe I don't know but then I wouldn't want to be naked in front of someone that wasn't my husband. Good point. Yeah

I mean what you need is a real A real love at that point something like a bond You and me We met on the bus became friends Then talked for a while And eventually

I asked you out Out of the text messages I said I had feelings for you And that was so sweet of you and we fell in love At that first time Yeah, it was adorable and cute Yeah We need to talk about the artwork

That was really a neat song Sharing that you like it. No, I didn't it made me very uncomfortable You and me we met at a comedy club Yeah And he doesn't match her at all. He's like, I was very sweet Now we have two kids Okay, so I was talking about speaking of the artwork Yeah, what

What So anyway, I was thinking about In terms of the staff like who would know the most stuff. Oh, yeah, let's talk about this because I think like we're obviously all Intelligent people, but I'm talking about people that just know stuff in life. Well, there's always going to be there's general knowledge There's specialized knowledge like, you know, we're going to be things that because of your life experiences You know some specific things Yeah, you know, I mean like

You know like native here is going to know more about no really about israel, right? Like if we were to you have specialized knowledge in that J stuff You know any any the jackson five or things like that that are like more in like your wheelhouse, you know And then apparently dicks dick sizes, you know, there's a lot about dicks. Gosh big dick sizes And hot sauce hot sauce Cholula and tapatio all And technology and he's the tech guy. He knows all that stuff

Danny grew up in Chicago. He's going to know things that we don't know about that like pizza He knows a lot about deep dish pizza. He knows a lot about mike dick. Yeah, he knows all those things and then You know, so there's going to be that but then it's like who knows the most Of the combination of the two specialized and specific Yeah, I don't know. I mean It's tough to say you really don't know it's like who wins It's like who would win jeopardy, you know, I know I see he hears the deal man

Is that I used to think that person was chris larson Because I feel like chris larson. He does know I think he's he's extremely well versed in things and he's pretty He's a pretty emotionally intelligent guy Which I would argue that a lot of us aren't as emotionally intelligent as chris larson. I think that's a fair assessment between Few less on the staff. There's always been a divide like the where the site goes and then chris was like the normal guy Oh chris was always the moral compass. Yeah, he was going like that's not appropriate That's not a good idea to do that. Yeah. So for instance, like we always talk about like How do you fall asleep? Do you drink or take pills?

Or get high and chris would be like, I don't do any of that I just do like a crossword puzzle and go to sleep and we're like, oh Put on a sound machine and I go to bed I don't consume drugs and he was like, no Oh, that's weird. I read an article. Yeah So I assume that he's more intelligent. What have you set up to test them? Okay. Well, here's the deal man So I was going to say that in light of our new hire chad I think chad's pretty fucking smart and normal too. I do I think so as well. Yeah, I think he wasn't he a teacher?

Oh my god. Yeah Now I'm editing dick and queef videos So maybe he's not so intelligent now that I'm thinking about hear from any former students lately his life away Okay, maybe can we get chris larson and chad to go head to head? But would you have the questions? I sure do Okay, let me I'll tell you what I have to peachy. Why don't we use that time to bring in? Uh, what's his name chris larson and um Do you want to do it? You do the quiz. Okay. Okay. Let me take a leak and then we'll do that. Okay. Go set them up. Thanks All right ready and uh, hebrew for five hebrew for four hebrew for three

hebrew for two All right, we're back. Um great great pee by the way. I'm so happy. It's a really good empty. Oh everybody wants to know more God, let me tell you. Okay. Anyway, so when you were gone chris, we sat him down in the booth And he immediately started talking shit to chad. Wow He's like, I'm gonna kick your ass. Do are you ready to get your ass kicked? How are we are we doing this by the way? Do they need to write down their answers first so that you you know I mean or blurt them out. It's a really good question. I think it's probably better Have them write it down. Yeah. Yeah, that's the way to do it

You know, okay. Yeah, because they're gonna both know at the same time some of them How would you know who got it right wrong? Because they write it down they write it down. Okay, and then we find out the answer after each question Not at the very end that way we can keep going forward. Okay. Okay. Someone keeps score Danny keeps score. Can they each do they each have pen and paper? And then we got any you have to verify if he's saying the answer that he in fact wrote down like jeopardy We'll do it that way. Okay. Okay. All right. Um What's this quiz by the way? I don't even know what's it's just I think it's just a general knowledge quiz

Okay, we're ready. We're all ready. Okay. Uh chad. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, see see I think I think chris is like I was the normal guy I was a smart guy on staff and now you hired. It's like we had a second child Well, the first thing he said to me when I met him was I'm the lead editor. Don't ever fucking forget it is what he said to me I mean Yeah, I did say that but that's not the point. You should remember your place. Did you really say that? No, of course Oh No, I'm a psychopath. I have a whole other personality. I don't know but he is being more forceful with chad

I love it. It's great. It's what I've been hearing. So choco chris. What is your beef with chad? Let's let's just a little bit like what's the dynamic? I don't know. I just think it's uh, I don't know Maybe he's like a little bitch or something Needs to know that there's a pecking order in that he is below me I Told you Chris is just kidding. You know, he's actually a really nice guy and I'm gonna feel really bad when I take his job Oh my god

And you wonder where this tension comes from Okay, let's get started. Yeah, this is good. So this is for the win. All right. Here we go. Who's smarter? Here we go chad. What color is the eight ball in pool? Just write it down Are you do you both have your answers I've got mine. Yep. Okay. Go ahead. The correct answer is black. Yes I also had black. Okay. Okay, go verify Which of the following is a primary color orange purple green or blue?

Write it down And Blue blue. Correct. Okay, correct. These are easy. So easy All right, we're gonna Maybe skip ahead. Is there a next one? This is natural progress. It is. Okay What is the smallest country between these four? San Marino, Fiji Vanitou or Vatican City?

I tapped out already No fucking idea. I don't even know. I've not even heard of some of them. Yeah, where's Zanadu? Vanitou, San Marino, Fiji, or Vatican City. Do you have your answers written? Is it still working? It's between two for me. I'm well because the other ones I don't fucking know. Yeah, not with the chit chat. Whoa Okay, okay Are you ready? Pencil's down. Go ahead. What is it? The answer is? Well, let's see what they wrote. Okay. What are you writing? I wrote Fiji

I almost won't Fiji, but I chose Vatican City chat's correct Forget about it. Oh So far Ready to go, Chris? And yes, I'm a loser. Okay Yes All right Next question. How many degrees are in a circle? 90, 180, 270, or 360? And your answers are? 360, 360.

Correct. Yeah, I knew that one. I knew that one. Yeah, it's pretty easy. These are still pretty easy. Skateboard tricks. Am I right? Yeah, yeah, that's the only reason I know. Let's go All right, 180 360. Oh, you have to do this. Sorry Um, in which direction does the sun rise north south east or west? There we go And what are your answers? East east. Correct. Correct. Okay. Here we go. Now it's going to get more interesting Ann

Bolian was the wife of Bolin and Bolin. Bolin was the wife of which famous english king Louis the what is that? I don't even know 14. Don't Henry the Eighth Richard the first or Charlemagne The rapper? Yes Not the god And Our answers are? Yep. I put Henry the Eighth. Sad.

That's right. Both correct. Yeah, I knew that one though. In what year did man first walk on the moon? 1950 1969 1971 For 1982. Any? What do you think? I don't want to have him jump in It's going to influence it. Yeah, I don't want to ruin this. I would of course. No Do you have your answers? Yeah, I got 1969. So do I you are correct? 69

I can thank even stevens for remembering that one. These are too easy. Well, you I asked you for the test. I know. Yeah um Okay Which of these car brands is japanese? Audi, fiat, Nissan, Chrysler Let's go Okay, so that's harder. This one. I know let's go. I don't know this car boys Gentlemen Okay, what are your answers? I put Nissan I put Nissan

Yeah, this guy's are too smart. I feel like we're a little evenly matched. Yeah. What is the most common eye color? Is that how you feel with negative one? Yeah, well shut the fuck up anyhow, but that yeah Let him know chris. You like that? You like how he's down? I feel like we're even. Yeah What is the most common eye color blue brown green or hazel? This could get you back this could get you back chris Give me those answers I put brown Chad brown

Correct Okay, the painter of the last supper Also painted witch famous painting Starry night water lilies mona lisa or the night watch Chad knows smart stuff like cultural stuff. Okay. What'd you would you chose? Put the mona lisa Chad mona lisa Yeah, that's uh, Leonardo

Son of a bitch. Yeah, well, I wouldn't have known that Okay The tv show Everybody loves raiment follows the barone family While the main character ray barone and comedian playing him share a first name What is raiment's real first name? Smith excuse me Correct real rat last name smith romano lewis or schmitt

I Can't spell for shit, okay What do you guys have romano romano? Yeah, this test is too easy. That was really easy May I see I thought you were gonna pick up? Well, I mean I I'm looking at these next ones. It's ryan said it was getting harder Well blame ryan he's not the smart one either All right, I've got a question name six of the original 13 colonies Okay Here tell me give me this

I did this with the boys on where my mom's at really. Yeah, because this is the test you take to become an american I did this in high school Are there any questions on there they get hard? Um, no, these are not hard. I'm paging through them. Give it to me. Fucking ryan See You did think they were stupider Okay, hold on Okay, are you fucking ready for this bro? Yeah, no now we're gonna see some shit Okay, these are the questions. They ask you to become a u.s. Citizen. This is what you take to to go

Okay, do you guys have some answers? Yeah, they're still writing. You're still writing. I need six of the 13 original colonies And uh, you ready or what chris? Right in the last one chill out This is so great Okay, go ahead Um, why don't you go first? Delaware, massachusetts, pennsylvania. Hold on. Delaware, mass of new hampshire, the carolina's virginia, new york. Yeah, he crashed it

Okay, go ahead. Virginia, rhoda island, new york, georgia, delaware, north carolina. Okay. He's still smart. All right. Fuck off. All right When was the constitution written? written It's not like I like this lane I see these guys can even become citizens. Yeah, this is the kind of shit they ask idiots like me. Yeah You have to study for this You ready? What are the answers here? Hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait

chris is Putting his answer down. When was the constitution written? Do they have same answers or different answers? Oh good. There we go. All right. larson. Go ahead. What do you think it is? 1781 and chat put 1787 chat is right 1787 New that I never know that larson wrong dude Chris larson. Yes. I'm piece of shit

Okay, okay Okay, this is good. Why did you know that? Why? Because I'm a patriot Who knows the year the constitution was written That's that's some real fucking losers. Okay. Are you ready? I'm ready What are two rights of everyone living in the united states? Name two rights of everyone living in the united states

Hmm Oh, wow Are you ready? Hold on. Hold on I guess I didn't need to write freedom of Yep, he's written stuff. Okay Go ahead put speech and religion. Although those are technically the same, right? Aren't they? No, I guess the first amendment. Okay. Go ahead. So say freedom of give me one. Okay Religion free. That's right. He got it. So those are two. That's right

All right chat. Maybe I misunderstood the question because I wrote life liberty and the pursuit of happiness. No So sorry You're only up by one now I think I do think that those three are also rights of everyone living in the united states I think you're allowed to it's the pursuit of life liberty Right, you're given the No, that's uh that we are endowed by our creator with certain inalienable rights And those rights being their right to

What is it life liberty and the pursuit of happiness? All right two more. Great. Here we go Here we go guys if both the president and the vice president can no longer serve who becomes president Oh, I know this You think you know it? I think I do know it. I thought I knew it You said if the president so if the both both the president and the vice president can no longer serve Who becomes president? Um, all right. Tell me when they have their answers down Yep And also chad. Yep. So is it speaker of the house? Yes. You guys got that and did you both get it? Yeah

Okay And you'll just learn something new Okay, I've got one for you fuckers Get this one. Okay, the house of representatives has how many voting members No fucking way, right? There's no fuck. Do you know this time? Was chad a fucking civics teacher like how does he know? Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Do they they have same answers or different answers? Uh different Yes

Okay, this is the final so this is either going to even the score Because right now chads up by one so this could even the score or he could just pull away Or it ties it up. Oh Even the score that's what I said. We're too stupid to even officiate this. Yep. No, I said it could either even the score Or he pulls away. He pulls away. Yeah. No, you're right. Yeah, okay Um, what are your answers? I put 438 435 You guys ready for this? Yeah

Chad, you're right. It is Wow Chad's the smart champion and we have to we have to say it uh chris larson is officially fully retarded. All right Welcome to our club. Welcome chris Ha ha ha Say goodbye to questions. We're not going to ask you anything. Oh, wow We will all be running through chad from now on. Thank you. Thank you chris. He's got a double fucking shit Key believers

Wait, so chad, what what did you teach because I he knows stuff he does I taught uh documentary filmmaking and um But also my undergrad I took international studies. So maybe that has something to do with it But I bet you know a lot about a lot of little things, don't you? Yeah, kind of. Yeah But I mean just because I'm a little bit smart doesn't mean I don't like the farts and the dicks and the Well, we know that. Well, that's been established. Okay. Good. Yeah. Um, wow. That was really something I mean, yeah, he put uh, I mean chris came in talking his shit. I mean That was that was rough pretty great though Okay, I'm gonna put together another test if you guys want to have a rematch chris larson. Yeah

Someday That was pretty funny. Yeah chris larson. Have you heard that? Okay, no, I'm just angry. Yeah How do you feel chris? Yeah, I'm angry Yeah, I should have won. Yeah, I'm glad you all get to see this side of chris that I see you every day Chris is dark side. Chris is abusive when we're not around. I love it. Yeah. Yeah, he did. He's giving some shit Just learned it from watching you. That's all

From me or tom, who do you think? Tom Me that I'm what? I'm not abusive Who do I abuse chris larson, I've never abused chris larson The silence in this I've abused you. No, I'm kidding. No No, it's gonna start now

But you'll see I'm gonna shift my my rage Not to me, please. Oh, I don't like taking it. I'm not gonna shift it to you I'm gonna shift it to me is always on press to see larson. Yeah, that's where it's going. Why not shift it to chad Because I won Well, it's just gonna get shifted to you by proxy. I'm gonna shift more blame

He's gonna be so much more angry with chad now. I love it Now we're gonna hear all kinds of stories about the two of them. Great. I love a new rivalry in the office. Yeah Well, thank you boys for participating. Yeah, thank you. That was great. Really and congratulations chad. You're the new smart one Wow, thanks. Those smart. Congratulations chad No That was fucking unreal. That was too much smart. Let's uh, yeah, let's bring it back down. Let's dial it back Let's go back to our level. Can you believe they ask you that shit when you become a u.s citizen? That's a lot It's really hard. I had to study for that crap. You have to what do you have to get on it?

Like, you know, I mean how I forget how many you have to get right? Yeah. Well, can you google that? You have to know stuff like How many questions you have to get right to become a u.s citizen on the time your citizenship test? Yeah You have to they ask you stuff basic like the first five are super basic like who's the president? Who's the vice president? Who's who's your people have the fat who's in who's the governor or something like like they ask basic shit What are the two parties? Yeah, like what are the basic the two political parties? That's a lot of basic shit, but then they'll ask you those hard ones. Those are 20 out of 128 So you really possible ones Right, right. I'm saying out of a list

You have to study the 128. You do. You do. It's not that crazy actually You just study it and then you take your test and you never remember this shit ever again Just like with anything else and then they're gonna give you some easy ones. That's what I mean like who's the press Who's the vice president? Just gotta be people that just miss it by one two I know And they ask you to write a sentence in english. You have to be you have to be able to write out one sentence that they give you Oh, did they give you? Yeah, they'll be like write this sentence. I ate a good salad today You have to be able to write. Yeah

Well, there's definitely people that have really poor english that become citizens. So they must yeah That's gotta be a struggle too Yeah, if you come over here at 50 or something, you know, you know what? You know what I've seen a lot tom. What's that in texas here? I was at the dnv a couple of times Um people are getting pulled over in tejas a lot for being on their phones Really? Yeah, and they make you take Like a class on dangerous driving. I'm like, you know, not being reckless and stuff and people get real mad The car accidents. That's what they did in the 50s. Yeah, what are they doing now?

They did in the 90s when I became they did. Yeah, they showed you a blew out. I'm not blessful red-ass fault Wow, and like, yeah, so people are getting really mad at these classes. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, like I've seen people show up at the dnv and they're like Apparently I gotta take some fucking class because I got pulled over and they're like, yeah, you have to take this thing You reeducate you on not being a piece of shit driver Yeah, I mean, honestly, we've all fucked up with the phone thing But it's the best thing that can happen to get people to get off of them. I know it's such a noose. I mean, it's so dangerous It is so you catch yourself, right? You look down. You're like, what's that?

Oh my god. Oh my god. Yeah You're just lucky at that point that you haven't had an accident because of it I hope I don't You know when I watched when you were going to sleep last night was catching killers on netflix It was a new season And uh, uh, the first episode was btk He was a real goofball What is btk stand for again bind torture kill? Oh, fuck off. I mean, why do you want to know this stuff?

I remember how big of a story that was um, he was uh John Goodman's the btk. He was not a nice guy The crazy thing is he was dormant for 25 years Isn't that wild and then what awoken him something something was maybe the lack of attention for so long and They had assumed because he was uh gone for so long. It's a good-looking guy. Yeah, there's denis Um, they assumed fuck that because he was dormant for so long that he was either in prison on another charge

Right or dead, right, right and then Yeah, he sent a letter one day to the uh Wichita police got things cooked up again. Um And then he started playing the game and then he he told him he was eyeballing somebody He was like, oh, I think I found my next one and they got Really fired up and you know how he um, he got caught It's a well-known story. So it's I don't know

So after they had been interacting for about 10 11 months He goes Can I be identified by using a if I send you a floppy disk And they decided to tell him they knew that they could and they were like no and he asked for them to put a Respond in the paper and the Wichita eagle the local paper And and and address him in like the classifieds as rex

So they wrote like rex everything's okay. Like no, it'll be fine. Like no They just lied to him. So he sent a test a test Um floppy disk. Yeah, and he When you use a floppy disk or even a usb drive It has data from the computer That most people don't Think like they are not aware So if somebody like as a forensic, you know, a computer person

Can pull it so they put the floppy disk in They're able to see where it was created and who the user was Idiot. Yeah, and then they were like, oh, this is the guy. What an idiot. Yeah Technology will get you every time you got to go analog Now he's got an unusual hairstyle Do you think that his head would look smaller if he shaved off the koala bear sides or Do you think because it's got he's got a big dome? I think the side the side hair makes it look bigger I don't know. You know what he did

You don't even care about the discussion The good you're still thinking about his sides His head is big on top. Look how unusually large that is. Don't you think he's Mid hunt mind hunter season two this picture with the guy in the Scarf and then next to him that doesn't look like an unusually large head Okay, so that's him on the left and the actor on the right. Yeah Okay, so him on the left that doesn't usually look like a normal guy's head. No, to me It looks abnormally large. Does it look abnormally large to you?

No, I think there's just a lot more real estate. You're like, I just I'm I'm trying to have the conversation. So what does he do to people? I mean he was Major league asshole He would tie them up with ropes and then Abuse them and kill them. He did it to a whole family And a lot of women, you know, why do you why do you enjoy knowing this stuff? I don't I don't enjoy knowing it I just you know Trying to feed that devil within

You do but you there's something about you that enjoys knowing these horrible awful Things but what what is the joy? What is the pleasure that you derive from? Watching this I just um I don't know. I think it's that you can't believe That human beings are capable and I do like knowing how they get caught. I think it's like it's an interesting story, you know, like How does somebody

This terrible do what they do why they do it and then how they get caught? I mean, I like that they get caught. I like that they get caught. Yeah, I don't like knowing that Yeah, just real hot head this guy major league knucklehead major league knucklehead. Yeah, he um What'd he do? Oh, he was he worked as a compliance officer for the city And years ago back in his killing days He was an alarm tech installing alarm systems

Isn't that the fucking spookiest shit so he comes to your house to install. Yeah, you'll be safe now and he knows how to You know install and checks out your house and he's like now you're safe Pretty crazy He's got some weird wrinkles. He's got some crazy eyebrows Cool tom and this is what you watched as I was asleep and then I fell right asleep afterwards That's good tommy. This is horrible, babe. Yeah Geez, it's either drugs or serial killers with you lately Ozark Ozark was great that latest season

Is great. I guess it's considered the last but they're doing it in two halves. I think But that final episode Holy shit and that actress that plays Ruth. What is her name? Julia Garner a lot fucking fantastic, man Yeah, she's great. She's always saying fuck. Yeah, she is but she is really what the fuck do you want me to do? She's a great actress. They sound like her Yeah, because I lay in bed and I listen to the dialogue. She's like, I'll give a fucking shit about fuck, man. Yeah Yeah, yeah, she's great. I don't know Yeah, bring him the fuck over here. You got it. That's good. Yeah. Hey fucking OD

She's always talking about that. I saw the guy od and yeah, yeah, cool Yeah, she's great. Really really tremendous. Yeah, it's it's hard to play Trashy without going overboard, you know, like she genuinely looks like she's like a she's got gorgeous looks So to even dress her down like that to make her look trash. She's free great And she's also at the same time on another mini series they have on netflix right now About catching this con artist. I want to see that woman who's like it's rare that you see the the woman conning everybody. It is rare. Yeah

Usually it's just cool guys that want to ruin people's lives and stuff. Oh inventing Anna. There you go That's what I want to see that one. This is based on a true story. Yeah. Oh, how cool. So she pretends to be like an heiress Yes, and she was hosin everybody and these con artists just like that one the um tender slindler Yeah, they you know it because when they say con artists con artists is a confidence You know because they they make you feel like this is the right thing to do and they get You know this lady too got people to like Oh, hey, I've got things tied up. Can you just put this on your card and you're like well that person

Is so wealthy that you don't you're like, yeah, no problem You start paying for their lifestyle and then you're like, hey, uh, I have a hundred and sixty thousand dollars and you credit card that I know and I just read on um There was some story they They about the twint the tender swindler. They're doing a go fund me for the women who he ripped off For I don't know how's that going hundreds of thousands. I'm not sure. I don't know Is there a tender swindler a go fund me? That's hilarious

Help the victims of the tender swindler. It's right there first one. How do we know they're not swindling us? I don't know. How do we know this isn't their new racket? So they got 127,000 pounds so far. That's a lot of money. That is That's a lot of people. That's like pathetic. Somebody gave 300 anonymous there 2000 or more Jesus God, that's nice. That is really nice Now do they have to hit the full amount to actually Do you know what I mean go fund me? I think they might go fuck me. Yeah, doesn't sound like go fuck me

It sure does Christina Hey, go fuck me Okay, it's a seafood captain go fuck me You don't think go fuck me would be an outstanding website. Well, yeah, I think it's a different website. It's like What's that shit called the they have their private pages Only fans. Yeah, go fuck me. Go fuck me. Send me money. I show you pictures. Go fuck me It's a good business idea There is

The tender swindler I need to pack your cheapest cigarettes here full flavors Usually like eagles or something like that Yeah, eagles Hi there Yeah, how much are they? Yeah, I'll do it Hey, I like your jacket man

Oh, I think I got it. Yeah, let's see. Let's just take what you need here. Oh my god. There's a lot of money here Oh no, what a jerk He did not do this For those of you listening he dumped out a pouch of like sticks and soil and coins and screws And leaves and he's like just take what you need from here What a dildo. I mean she looked down like

I don't even know if he has it. I see a lot of pennies. I don't even well, what are the Those big coins. I don't think those are even American Currency, I don't even those Chuck E cheese coins. Did you hear Brian Simpson's joke? On his new half hour special on on Netflix. He goes America Treats black people the way cashiers treat pennies Legally, you have to accept us But if there's more four or five, you're like the fuck is going on here Hahaha

That's good. Oh, man. Oh, Brian's so funny. This is You don't know how to count chains How does this count the change out? It's real easy Okay Sorry about the mess here, but it's good. It still spins one two three four. What? 77 There we go, girl. I can't believe it come that easy. I can't believe I had that much Hahaha

There you go, sweetie. Yeah. Well, you know what it's it's a change that just brings throwing in a bag He's such a menace He is such a menace. This video almost makes me not like him That this is rude This is it for you. This draws the line. Yeah Touch my camera through the fence It doesn't bother you showing up in court harassing those people doesn't bother you showing up at a police station It doesn't bother you. Fantastic. This right here. There's no need to

you know Show up with filthy change filthy change. Yeah, it's disgusting It might as well. I think it might be covered in shit Probably yeah And then he's holding up the line You know, there's people behind him that are fucking furious and you know, no one's gonna say a fucking if you see that guy You're like go right ahead weird beard take your time It's just that he's

My whole uh Please you're honest, man You're honest. I'm gonna wipe your counter off for you too, sweetie. I can I'm good You sure? Yeah. Well, thanks for being a good sport about that. I'm a nicotine freak. There's no shame in my game Yeah, thank you, sweetie. You're a beautiful thing. Yeah, you too, man Hey, which way is the church is at? That's the closer which way are the churches at Jesus christ

and like I just get mad too when you're messing with Like the girl that's working the register like you don't think how day sucks enough. I know She has to deal with normal assholes and you come in with shit covered coins and you're like, you don't know how to count I mean Fucking like the security guard that deals with him. You know the guy that's like touch my camera through Prince Jomo. I'm sorry. I'm not supposed to say that. Bleed that out. Okay. Um Um

But that guy expects to deal with high level Insanity that's his security. Yeah, she's just selling cigarettes. Yeah, dude She's selling you sticks of gun and shit like don't ruin her day. Well, tell him he's up there To tell him fed smoker. You're such an asshole. Yeah, herk herk Herk Dick Another Jomo There's a chance together, buddy

I'll kill you. Now I'm back on the scene. Yeah I'll tell you the story Myself and all Distribute and please He looks good there I thought it was myself with that hand I think I'm gonna have to go baby rip or stamp these guys. You're not playing them correctly He's kind of fucked with church people now. Well, he said they're getting the stamp because they don't know how to play correctly

It makes sense to me This is when I'm on his side but That cashier shit was not cool The life Well, you know, you don't have to get every single one of those notes. Can we keep the music rolling then? Are you gonna play a whole song? I want to hear a rehearsal. Oh, I thought you were gonna play a whole song. I'm sorry. Are you gonna play a whole song?

Okay, yeah, okay What? Oh, I'm sorry. I was just asking you to play a song I Such an asshole. Yeah. Yeah, don't mess with churchy people. They're just rehearsing choir. Yeah, I do getting ready for church this week Please leave me alone in church Give them a stamp Oh

Irritating fucking morons I don't know why that's what I pictured and I was like at church now now that he converted Yeah, I picture him going in like that with that attitude. He's like come on. Come on get entertaining Sing a fucking song You think that's what I'm like. I think so. Yeah Yeah, I'm just there on my third time in church and I'm taking over the place Yeah, and you're like sing a fucking song. You want the stamp? Yeah I see it. I can see it. It wants a stamp

Yep, babe. Like how many he has so much to show us this guy. It never ends. It never fucking ends. Yeah Such a menace. All right. That was it's a little dark. We went from bck to fed smoker Yeah, you're really bumming me out. Like what is in your brain today? Let me give you one. That's a little more fun and And lose this okay? This this makes me laugh. Okay, next victim you got your car done? No, my No, he's unlocking the lia da ope. He's opening unlock cars Why you thought you were safe and then he moves us to the safe Next victim gay davis your car don't let you

Oh, shit Bingo, so you get back Now here's where I thought this was very funny This is where he fucked up though Was he put his face on? Yeah, I wouldn't do that. But but I have a question. Y'all know. Yeah Is this actually an illegal act? I think so. Is it? I think you could probably he's not stealing. He's not defacing I know, but yeah, but he's not doing anything. Well, he is doing something He is he's just moving a chair up. Is that a crime?

I think you could probably find a police officer and a district attorney who'd be like, yeah, let's fucking That's enough. Sure. What's the charge? I don't know He didn't ruin it but he didn't do anything but he's opening He didn't break and enter. He opened the door breaking would imply that he had to somehow use a tool We'll get a lawyer to respond. Okay. I'm telling you. I'm telling you don't encourage people to do this I'm not encouraged. You're like, this is not a problem It is do not do this. It's funny. That's about it. I don't encourage it. Okay Good god. All right. Oh, we have oh great. Look at these. Uh, these are new

Horrible or hilarious. Oh, yeah. Oh great. I want to watch this. Let's have a little laugh Yeah, this is I thought we're gonna have fun. Oh Jesus Christ Oh What was that you didn't find that funny, I mean it was more stunning like it that looked like it could have I mean that could I imagine I wish there's a little more So how is this one different than the video that you sent me today at 8 a.m Got 8 a.m. What did I say? This is terrible. The guy trying to jump the car, but not doing it. So he just got

Hit really slammed into a windshield and flipped over his neck That's funny. That's funny. Yeah, so why is this one not funny? Um, I mean, there's little things that happen in it, you know, I feel bad for the bike For the bike. Yeah, it's probably an expensive bike and now he's gotta get a new one windshields are expensive to replace Yeah, I don't know this one. Did this make you laugh? No And I'm I'm back to feeling like we're talking about btk again. This is not fun for anybody, but you I don't know All right, I don't know Oh

Holy Shit, what did he so did he his leg is straight and he like no break his kneecaps Yeah, he broke his left leg completely Fuck yeah, look at his left. Look at it. See that left leg there. Yeah, watch that leg Yeah, they're all stoked about it. Yeah Yeah That was pretty wild. That was very funny for you. No, it wasn't funny, but it was cool and then here's One more

Oh, no You okay, right Shit Shit It's cool that that little kid gets to stand there and watch all that too The four-year-old gets to watch this traumatic. Oh, that's burned into his memory. Yeah My kid's gonna he's gonna be like, I don't like trains. I don't like trains at all. Yeah, no more to choose for you Ah, all right. Well, I feel good now. Let's uh

You feel refreshed. Yeah energized. I'm ready. Let's take a quick break and we'll be back with more Om jeans. I know tom usually does the intros but today it's mommy's turn because With us is childhood friend. Uh, one of my favorite human beings and author jenny pentland Welcome She's just published uh her first book, right? This is your first one. Yeah, this will be funny later It's available as an audiobook which you did the voice for as well. I mean you read it. I did read it and Look, I've we've known each other since I was we were 12. Yeah, which is a long fucking time And very few people I think have

The right to write a memoir Your life has been So I I think the life you've led has been so rare and unique that I'm so glad you wrote this because I was reading it And I was like, first of all, I didn't know you could write like that. I mean, you're fucking so talent You're always been funny and talented, but I was blown away And what a fucking story Yeah, it's a good story. Yeah. So for those of you who don't know So you your mother is rosanne bar. Yes, my mother is rosanne bar and living in that

I mean, let's just a briefly. Let's I mean, yeah to say it briefly It was fucking weird. Like it was a weird upbringing and existence and like we were poor suburban Kids in in denver when I was growing up until I was like eight and then She got famous like slowly over a couple years became famous a couple years Which is it was in show business time really fast. Well, it was really overnight We just moved like she got famous in the stand-up circuit and then after that it was like she got a Ralph like some kind of pizza commercial. I think on it was I remember it was Ralph's She got a Ralph's commercial and like a pizza commercial and then pizza hat

So people would yes and people would reckon that was a really good impression I felt like I was gonna get nailed out for a second Um and people would recognize her and stuff, but then the show Premiered and then it was like that part was like overnight. So to go from like, you know, being kind of popular in her little Area to being um full blown famously everywhere we went that was overnight. Um, yeah, because that's like, you know, it's not really Something that can happen now where like you always, you know, new shows come out all the time But it was a it was a different time when there is no streaming Like these shows like a hit sitcom would regularly pull

You know 10 15 20 million plus viewers. I mean you have like a huge Chunk of the population here watching those shows. Yeah, it was like it was it's not something that really happens now No, it doesn't happen at all now. And if it does it's like brief like you might be famous for a year and then everybody's sick of you Yeah, and that show appeal to so like because it was a really funny show like, you know Great writing great cast obviously your mom. John Goodman. I mean it was like top tier actors, but funny, but also appealed to like a huge Like segment of the population, which is like working class. Yes, you know blue collar types Yeah, like where it represented them, you know, yeah, I did and I think it also managed to represent like feminist

Like yes, burgeoning feminists and all those movements. You have a female star Like the woman and the first lesbian kiss on tv was my mom that was later like in the I think seventh or eighth year, but You know, they pushed a lot a lot of boundaries for being a show about like, uh, you know, just common people Yeah, and how what was that run? How many seasons was nine nine season the first one was nine seasons and then That's the only real one. Just there is no other So but but your story in it is what's unique I think people saw the show and they're you know, as we know the the the characters are based on You guys the story lines and stuff. Yeah, so to read the book and you go like, oh, shit. That's what happened

Like that's It's wild and I knew you So I remember we met like in junior high school And I don't know if your mom was just like a popular stand-up, but I feel like I watched your family go from Like not even normal like your mom was just gone a lot working and your dad took care of you guys more so And then the shit hit the fan. It was just like this explosion Yeah, you were definitely there right for the beginning of it because the year that I met you Was the last like year that I finished in public school the next year I ended up

I think we weren't in sixth grade. We weren't in sixth grade. Yeah, pentland and pejitski So yeah, we were each other in homeroom. We were in the same homeroom because our names were Like they did it alphabetically. So we ended up in the same homeroom. You're right next to me You were very quiet. I remember that you were very quiet And you had like your little earrings that they had given you at birth or like right away You always had those and I was like, are we gonna like go get some like other earrings But you always had those but then you started getting slightly more and more punk rock But you kept those earrings and I always thought forever

But it was because your sister was the first goth I had ever seen. Yeah, and we decided well, I decided I was going to be your sister Yeah, basically. Yeah, she was she was cool every in the book too. I'm like, I had to get a release like to uh, like Whatever absolved me of any responsibility of or anybody being mad at me. So I had to get a release I had to get jessica my sister to sign a release and um And uh, the publishers were really nervous. She's not going to want to do this Like you're talking about like her drug use and like I'm like, oh no, she's gonna want to do it

And I gave it to her and she's like god, I sound cool. I'm like you are cool You are so cool I'm hearing cool stories about you guys for a long time. The cool ones were about jessica the funny ones were about me Yeah, the ones that make you go A little cringe and a little sad and you kind of feel sorry for me But Jessica was really she was super cool and your house was a place that I didn't we didn't know I think I think we were so young like I didn't really realize what the grown-ups were doing But I did love that I would go to your house. It was an escape from my house, which I fucking hated me at

I like being at your house. You did but they left us alone. I think they left us alone and there was like good porn In the closet. It's my dad. There was like, yeah of your dad's house and your mom's house like she left us alone too But then we could walk to the warehouse and get and buy CDs and shit from your mom's cigarettes at the time Buy a liquor store. Yeah, or because we peed in the uh lawn at the church down the street and we crashed a party there Really cool couple of churches. I like it. We were 13 My importance voted cigarettes, pissing and yonkers. But what I loved about going to your home It was a listen and uh, well, we'll tell you it was different on those We're giving a lot of free 90s. Yeah, but also what I loved about your home and your father specifically

Bill Petland who I think is just one of the funniest kindest I mean, he was he was I think a pretty fucking great dad. Yeah Um, was that I didn't know that there were grown-ups that could still have fun And and your house was like I remember I'll never forget the first time I went over and there was like a plastic fake spaghetti It was like remember the fork with the fork suspended in the air plastic And I thought to myself well, you can still be fun and and be an adult and you guys had like a wacky You know kitchen booth with like tiling that was you know black and white and I was like, oh my god, like people are Happy like what what the fuck is this and you guys joked

And your father would let us drive around the valley and he put like a fake car a leg hanging out of the car And all these things were really formative to me as a 12 year old I really yeah, and and just took to your guys's humor and was like Wow, you can you can just be fun Yeah, most people were horrified by that shit. So anytime anybody was like, oh, I'm kind of into this We're like, yeah, come on in come hang out with us. Yeah Because you grew up guiding to watch like what didn't kinesin just come over Yeah, like we always had somebody over and like alan stephen was over all the time

And I had a crush on him when I was like eight and would get all dressed up every time he came over um, but like all the old outlaws of comedy and all the And we we were in the green room like when I was eight or or yeah about eight when we moved out to LA we came with my mom for a summer for her to decide if she wanted to Move out full-time and pursue comedy whole time and or full-time and mitzy shore was running the comedy store at the time and um And we would go sit in the green room while You guys have I'm sure been in the green room at the comedy store and you know how you can look over

Yeah, and yeah the coke room. Um, but I was the babysitting room when we were there. It was like the baby gone. It was like Um, we Who whoever came off the stage would watch us when my mom is on stage and we would just kind of watch her over the little window and um So we kind of like spent time there those were our babysitters like lois bromfeld one time She was babysitting us and She was amazing because she was like a seven foot tall blonde just gorgeous But just total command of herself and we walked into a 7-eleven one time. She was watching me and jessica. I think we were like eight and nine

And um, and some guy was like hey babe, and she's like fuck you And we're like, oh god. She's so cool I want to be exact. I want to tell people to fuck off just for looking at me She was amazing and like those were the kind of people that were like Taking care of us was your was your mom and mitzy. Were they close? Close is weird because I don't know if you know mitzy very well, but she um, she was a really interesting person very from what I remember very layered and um

Complex and uh, they had major respect for each other But I don't they weren't like they weren't they didn't hang out right? It was like mitzy's whole life was that that store. Yeah Yeah So crazy it was a crazy upbringing. So the shit hitting the fan. I think happens when your parents divorce yeah and New dad

Yeah, the picture. Yeah, let's just say toms in the picture Let's not call him dad. No Yeah, he was uh, I mean the shit hit the fan a little bit before that And then my dad tried to like manage the shit hitting the fan I think and my mom was just on the roller coaster ride people were pulling her everywhere we went at you know Anything we did she was being pulled in a in a direction and my dad was like kind of trying to like You know be her bodyguard and um and also like communicate her desires to staff or like uh Executives and stuff because they didn't want to hear anything a woman had to say

So he would be the token man So my mom would like just say tell them this and he would tell them they're like, oh It's a great idea that she just said five seconds before that But um, I think like that that dynamic changed so much with them How my dad being in that um situation and position and then there was just contempt and conflict between them trying to Keep everything together and us kids at home too Like we were always the priority And I think people kind of got pissed off that we were the priority

And that's why we got sent away because they were like you are costing a lot of people a lot of money By having your mother and father care about you. We need them over here. So I mean that really Was a part of it and then when my parents did get divorced then my mom started to Well, my mom started to date tom arnold and then my parents got divorced. So um But they were on that path like people don't get divorced out of the blue for no reason and uh, that was fun Yeah, that was a fun Five years went him around

I mean Well, it's in the book. Yeah, you have to read it in the book. I was so fucking nice I go back and look at it and I'm like, oh, jenny you did a good job of just being fucking nice And there's also my I was Told there's a chapter or a story about you too in this book. Maybe I did talk about you and did I I left your name Yeah, of course everybody else's name. I had to change and I'm like, I can't change her name people know her I don't care. Well, I'll tell you I'll tease it a little bit You're gonna have to buy the book to read the story. Yeah, but jenny and I did something illegal

Well, we did a lot of illegal shit, but we got we got caught You're gonna have to read the book to figure to to hear what you can get it anywhere. You can buy books Uh, this will be funny later. Of course amazon barns and noble. There's an audible. There's uh As you know any bookstore you want to go through this will be funny later a memoir by jenny pentland Make sure you check it out if you want to find out what christina almost got arrested for yeah Super funny. It's such a good book jenny and i'm so proud of you. Thank you. I'm so glad you did it You have five kids. I know sometimes i'm like what you just had a fifth Yeah, boy oldest and youngest are 20 years apart. That's and I think the second one I planned

It's bananas. So how did number five pop out? What the fuck? Um, I was writing a book And uh, yeah, and my husband was stressed out. He was having all kinds of issues of his own And then I was like let's go out and like you need to let loose you're gonna You know, you got too much stress You gotta let loose have some drinks and so we did And then I had some plan b and I was like, you know, I could take this It makes me really sick and I'm like googly and one of the chances that a 43 year old woman is gonna get pregnant. It's been 12 years Uh chances were like 2%

I know better because three of my kids I had like a zero percent chance because I was on the pill and the bunch of other shit I was like, I really should just take this plan b and then jeff my husband comes in He's like you really should just take that and I'm like, yeah, I don't want to be sick for a week. It's fine. It's fine We don't live in Texas. It's fun. I can manage this. It's fine. And then like That my husband I adopted a dog and my husband was like you got to give that dog back because I can't handle one more thing on my plate And then somebody walked in my work and stunk like perfume and I was like, ah And nobody else thought they stunk and I was like, oh fuck. So I made my oldest kid go buy me a pregnancy test At work and bring it to me and then the rest of history didn't tell jeff for a few weeks because

He couldn't even handle a dog. Yeah, how did he react? Uh, he just like you think he went into shock blood left his body I made a couple jokes pretending I wasn't pregnant and I was and wasn't and was just you know, you guess slowly And then I was just feeling them out because I'm like if it's too much then, you know I'll just have to go to Planned Parenthood by myself and get my kid to drive me That's so ironic. I wonder how many people do that have their oldest drive them to probably not many like yeah I'm I think I'm like, you know, there's a special level of trash to me Five boys

Yeah, it's a lot you have to you have to I have two and it's constant wiping shit and piss and That part doesn't stop But then it's like socks like picking up socks and so I've taught them like you know what? You've got to like just go outside for the majority of shit Whatever else you can't do outside. You can because we live in hawaii or dead. So yeah Yeah Now did you have the thing because your last one was 12 years before is what you said? Where because this happened for us within between the two years apart where when you have the second kid, you're like

Oh, yeah, I forgot about yeah, right. So you had a huge gap. Oh, yeah Oh, shit. Yeah. Yeah. I thank god. Yeah. Yeah I think you need that like there's they really say you have amnesia whether it's 13 months apart or 12 years apart. Like if you remembered what your day was like you'd kill yourself and all your kids Yeah, yeah, I get why people drive into the ocean. I get it. Yeah I can't I can't even manage it how you're standing like how old is the baby now like a year Year and a half and then the three that are living with me are 16 14 and 12 We're living in a like 32 foot travel trailer right now all of us

Um and trying to do press and work my husband's an online school. Uh, so he's doing that while we're doing that Holy, yeah. No, it's the I'm the stupidest fucking person on the planet and I'm okay with that Like I know that so then I just go okay Like you when you're stupid your whole life. You just learned a lot of coping mechanisms around your own stupidity and I have done that. That's a great actual motivation. Like can we snip that? There's a problem When you're stupid, you're just stupid. I know I'm stupid and so I just I have Collected coping mechanisms in order to deal with that but can I say that knowing you since we were so little

You know what you always wanted to be? Mommy, yes, I know so she would carry around a baby doll even when we were 12 years old I want to be a mother. I want to be a mother. So she knew this is this is what you were meant to be That baby doll we just put pentagrams on Yeah, I was telling them about that. Yeah, you couldn't just carry around a baby doll at 12 In your goth outfit. So we had to make the baby had to be goth too. That's very cool Very cool. Anyway, read the book. You guys are gonna love it. You need to take it out of her. She's great This is it. This is my are you ready? Yeah, I'm ready. All right. These are my talks. These are my curations

You're familiar with tick tock um because of my children. Yes. Oh, yeah. Well, these are the these are the outliers I like to find if you look at this I am familiar with your obsession with the outliers It'll be right there for you. Okay. There you go. All right. Does that kid get hurt? Oh, no, it won't be this. Yeah That's tom's favorite. It hurts my uterus. I can't look I don't want to see a kid getting hurt. No, but you didn't mind the kid watching the guy getting Watching the guy that guy. He's done already. Yeah, I can hit. He's he's finished Right up my alley, right? I'm into that one. You like that one? See I have to sometimes

Cleanse the palette with just cute stuff. Yeah, I like it and Tommy approves you like I like the cute stuff And I like I also she says sometimes she'll put educational talks where like they teach you about something Yeah throw Tommy a bone you guys. Yeah, because a lot of times they're just really depressing. Yeah I get impressed by him too. I you know Well, she has a real special skill though. You do well as the john waters movies that we watched at my house Yeah, I like those too. Yeah But I think it's because my mom was crazy. I like watching crazy people do crazy shit. That's what we're trying to figure out Yeah, yeah, how do we not get there? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not gonna have today. I'm gonna tell you what it is

This is the actual foot Of a woman from china And she had her feet bound Now this is a practice that took place between the 10th and the 20th century. It's good, right? Yeah And what you can see here is that the foot is extremely small This is because they wrapped the feet very early in age And they kept them from growing and they also deformed the feet as well. So you can see That the toes are actually curled under. It's a foot and the arch is extremely high

Now what this would result in Is a foot that would look Something like this Now this is the actual size of one adult. It's prettier though, right? Yeah Foot would look like a Chinese woman and they would often dress the feet in these elaborate silk shoes So the bound foot of a Chinese woman. See that's more disturbing than the corpse foot Yeah, but they look hotter when they're smaller, right babe. No, I'm good I think you look like a goat. I have goats and that like that

I'm like, oh, I can put that cute little booty on my goat. It's really really upsetting You like that one, babe? That's worse than horrible or hilarious. Yeah, this disturbed you more than people getting hurt Especially this last it means the living one with blood flowing through it. Yeah. Yeah, that one's right I found it to be enlightening. Let's go. I don't know Yo, did you even see that motherfucker in the brush? That was dope. Did you see that? Did you even fucking see that thing? That's wild. That's it. They cut it there They cut it there. Oh, the person's recording probably shit all over themselves Bro, start it again and see if you can see that motherfucker in the grass. You can't even see him

That's not good. That animal. Look, where is it? I know Watch that motherfucker. There he goes What dude? Look how fast those pigs are Yeah Well, I have a feeling that the next frame is not going to be so cute Because it's going to go for one of the babies. We know that, right? It's not going. The mom already was like, fuck these kids. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yep That's just it. That's it. That was awesome. I mean, yeah. Is this page called only farts?

Yes, it is. Yes it is. Dot only farts. I bet you hear a lot of this here. I was going to say like that's the trailer bathroom's real small. It's got the same linoleum and that's you know Also with all the dudes, it's got to be fart like haven, right? They're pretty yeah, they're they've learned but we have windows and they open But I mean just like growing up like these last 20. I mean, it's just dudes, right? They're pretty they're not that disgusting. Thank god. No, like no, they're really not They're kind of like a little hyper alert of oh, yeah. Wow. Yeah, how'd you do that? That's good. I don't I'm probably just not reacting when this shit happens 24 seven like when they're babies and

One of them is just real in the dick jokes right now, but the farts not so much. Yeah They rubbed their asses on the floor Yeah, because they saw bitsy doing it so then they do it I'm rubbing my ass on you Thank you At least they're giving you a little play by play Jesus Christ I mean, okay, he's doing all right. He's alive

I mean, he's he's cognitive. He knows that the chunk of his head's missing. He's telling you about it She had it's hard to miss but here's the thing. Why don't you put a beret on there? If that were me, I don't know now. I'd be walking around poking this right just a tiny little just a beret Just a cover Just the side It's very upsetting It's very this is worse than any horrible or hilarious. I want to know if like he leans over it probably like yeah Yeah, it's got a shift. It did it when he poked it on the side

Like I want to see him laying down upside down and version table. Yeah, I agree This is brain spill and fill in like yeah, he doesn't he's not suffering. So I mean this guy could uh, he could walk by a fucking branch and it would just tears I'm upset you that I'm Lindsay and I'm polyamorous. I'm dating a married couple which makes me a unicorn But don't worry. I wasn't hunted I'm ethically sourced That is upset. This is the most upsetting thing I've seen. Yeah, this one's very upsetting to me very upsetting How do you feel about the polyamorous? Oh, that part's fine. Like I just the lighting your face and the smug fucking

I can't stand smug shit. I just can't stand it like congrats. Congrats on all the things you fuck. Congratulations There's a lot of people and animals that fuck a lot of things and it's not that fucking Special to fuck things. I like how fired up you're getting I get that I agree. I think there's there's something so it is gross. It's like it's not a good joke. It's not a good joke. It's like And and I ethically start And the pointing at the self and bouncing shit like the ticktocks where people are pointing at words they wrote and I'm just like Fuck off. Fuck right off. You can fuck right off. You can I'll look at your fucking skull damage Like I'm okay with that. You're accepting yourself and yeah, I'll watch a baby borg get eaten

I'm fine with that too. Same thing. This is not natural It feels gross and especially as as gen Xers, which we all are like this is so fucking far removed From what's okay, like you would have gotten your ass kicked putting this shit out in the world in our day Yeah, it would have been harder. I don't I don't have a problem with any of the lifestyle aspects of no It's really the smug the presentation. Yeah, it's just being smug about like just any kind of smugness bugs me. I guess Yeah, it's fucking gross. Yeah, and people lighting themselves in order to be smug pisses me off. Sorry It's because I lived in Hollywood. I have a lot of PTSD from Hollywood. Yeah Uh, just here's a little palette cleanser because that was rough

Uterine butterflies Same things. Yeah. Yeah, I don't laugh at these ever really. I can't because all I see is oh shit. My kid has a bike Oh shit. My kid has a skateboard. Yeah. He's wearing a helmet. So his mom. He's fine. He's fine. He's fine, but like, yeah Yeah, but that hurt He's totally fine, right? Yeah, he's sitting up. He's not fine. The bike's not fine. The bike's definitely not fine the bike He might need to sit on a donut pillow for a couple weeks. He's okay. Yeah, it was an archudo That's a great one. That was a good talk, right? So for people listening, the the captain said

When you're massaging your piggies and grandma falls down the stairs Because this dude's using a like the a massager a hand held one on his feet and then you hear a horrific fall Yeah, it was an archudo She's not okay at all But you wouldn't have to see it. I didn't have to see it. It just was inferred. It she could it could have been prat fall I'm wondering where the guy was filming himself putting a vibrator on his toes But then also all of tiktok. I wonder yeah, why not? I guess yeah, was he gonna send that to us? No, he's just showing you like a massaging and then that cool thing happened

And it was like now this is a viral talk. Yeah, there we go. Okay Oh Who's the person out there fucking diagnosing his Injury his meniscus. That was not a fucking meniscus first of all. No, that's completely fucked. He's full knee replacement there I do like the the ones where people are jumping off high things and then their knees buckle It kind of just makes me and I like the guy that did And he did two boots and he was like that was too broken legs dude his legs went up into his shoulder. Yeah, he's like And his friends like

Laughs at somebody in that situation. I don't know I heard the grandma fall down the stairs and I was in the house. I was yeah No, I guess that's that's god. There's a couple old people in my life that I'd love if they fell Yeah, his mother-in-law and her sister just left He spent six days in the house. It was like in your house. Uh, we were praying for a stair fault. Then I get why you Outdoor one where it's concrete. You're like renting a staircase Yeah, god All right, here's your last one. There's no ocean to drive people into out here. That's well. They asked if there was one

Okay Hi, but before we get started, I just want to make sure I took a shower today Make sure that all of my outside skin is fresh and clean But I am going to these are little kind of disposable internal showers and they come with this liquid in there It tastes like vinegar or flowers or something like that, but screw that we don't want that I rinse it out a couple of times and then just I fill it up with some regular tap water And that goes where it's supposed to go and just see the water just come out like that but inside I mean

I think she she packed her tits together for this one. Yeah Here's the thing though is that you don't need to show of water up your couch. It's a self-cleaning Yeah, sista like so even this this does nothing to put water. She probably just likes it. Does she use warm water? Oh, that could feel good. Do you know lice always originally like Invented to be a douche. I do really water. I'm like, okay. Well, you know step up your natural lady. I guess Lysol was a douche. Yeah, it was invented for uh, to basically like, yeah Put up your couch. Yeah, it was but like to um Sterilize not sterilize. It's a clean your vag. Yeah, it's funny. My um, my my extet mom was obsessed with vaginal cleanliness

I don't know if you remember that it was generational. I feel like yeah, and I just she missed the mark So I wonder what happened. Yeah, my mother too had a big orange douche bag with the big black A nozzle, you know, and I mean you've ever seen those old timey douche bags reusable. Yeah, the old school kind They were obsessed. I didn't know I knew your mother. She said you have to do vagina breathe You have to let jorda would join the brief But your stepmom my stepmom was obsessed with her vag too and she had All these douches and the different talking about it too. She would tell you smelling things. No, no, I would just go through her Stuff, you know the bathroom like you just there's the drawer. There's a whole drawer of

Vag stuff. Yeah, my mom had a douche bag That's I don't know. That's not it. But it was yeah, I like that one like the ultra douche I like that it has the the guy right there in that search and it says the biggest douche bag in every state And it's just people, you know Yeah, it's great No, that's uh, what's his name? I don't know. He's on that one's like that one all the way a vintage one But that's the ultra the ultra douche enema there Oh, that's either or

I'm gonna do that It seems awfully thick for it. I'm gonna get myself. You're gonna do I'm gonna come to my ass. I'm gonna ask douche Yeah, let's see what see what happens. Yeah, I mean You should probably do it on air. Oh, I didn't do my dates yet on this episode Okay, can we do my days really quick? Sure April 1st Charlotte, North Carolina at the comedy zone Thank you April 13th state side of the paramount

I'm doing that theater as part of moon tower comedy festival. I want to dig in your booty Thank you May 3rd the regent theater in la one night only may 6th Let me put my tongue in your ass and seventh mini apple tits at the acme comedy club and then urvine sperm vine may 20th and 21st The borgata Fifth the Boston mass of huge tits at the wilbur and then cleveland april 12th and 13 tickets at christina p online dot Cole your vagina stinks Not your blood

Yeah, good job. Yeah, thanks guys. Come see a show. Yeah. Yeah Good times good times. Anyway, thank you so much for coming in miss jenny. Good luck with your trailer living Yeah, yeah, I'll probably start a tiktok channel. You can watch Oh That'll be super fun And once again order the book this will be funny later. You can get it everywhere you buy or listen or read or just collect books That's right. Check it out. Get our secret story. Oh, yeah Yeah, that's a good one. It's a good get the secret story. Um our closing song is

TMCTTFYF by Justin Bar, well Bartol sounds good, but here we go I want I can tell you know Baby raper on your face. Okay, cock. Baby raper. You don't look like a baby raper. Baby raper. What's up there joe mo listen here How do you get a job here in your fuck face? But not by talking like that. Well, you know what you're fired, right? What's up there joe mo you're talking to me. I'm a fucking american

Touching my camera I'm gonna talk to the sheriff's department about you buddy. Okay. Go get him. Go get him Touching my camera through the fence you faggot You know what you're fired. Okay, you didn't follow the photo. What do you get a job here? You don't want to call in? Yeah, I take cops badges all the time doing it. You know what you're talking to? Retired double agent through your fucking feature Your fucking feature

Your fucking feature Okay You just lost your life. Okay as far as your job goes my life. I told you job my fucking life Job Well, we've changed it to job because you take it out of context there. What's your name anyways? Job bitch Job bitch See these wires

You just cut your job there, buddy. It's baby raper on your face clothes. Okay. That's how they're retarded You didn't follow a photo buddy. You're done Touching my camera through the fence you faggot. That's how they're retarded Your fucking feature How do you get a job here you fuckface? Touchdown every Hi, thank you for watching that episode of your mom's house Please continue to watch more you can see all these were my hands gesturing you to click on those

And please subscribe if you have not yet and subscribe button and then we'll get your money Thanks