Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 647 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: March 16, 2022

IS HE DOWN?!?! Tom Segura knows he said "okay" to Charo, but that doesn't mean he accepted the bet, and Hot Ones's Sean Evans agrees with Enny: Hot sauce is the best! Tom and Tina weigh in on the Russia-Ukraine war, and watch a video of a Texan who has decided to join the Russian forces. Then, they take a look at a guy who browns his pants while driving, which leads to a conversation about F'ing when you need to brown. Also, we have another video of Luke Bryan hunting and it is just as good as the first one. The Main Mommies also discuss CP's favorite show "Euphoria" and the new Victoria's Secret model who has Down syndrome.

I really do hope it gets resolved. I hope by the time this episode comes out, it's resolved because it is really, really sad. It's hard, I, yeah, my heart goes out to the, it's so, it's like, I've been so upset about this story. I don't like it at all. You quit being a knucklehead, Poutine, stop it. Yeah, you goofball, let people play outside.

Goofy guy. Yeah. Here we are, welcome. That was so nice, thank you for doing it. To your mom's house podcast. I wanna laugh. Me too. Hopefully we get some good laughs.

Now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now. I wanna laugh really hard. We have a lot of good stuff to get into today. So many good things to get into. Yeah, there's a lot of cool things going on in the world. It's fine, what are you talking about? Everything's great. It's only World War III, it's not a big deal, guys.

Also, just to address it, just get it out of the way. I'm fucking, you know, I know I said, okay. Oh, you're talking about the controversy between you and Charo and the bet. Some people, we'll call them the intelligent people. Yeah. Traders. No, we understand that they understood that the okay was okay.

You're fucking out of your mind. It's an acknowledgement that you're saying crazy shit again. Yes. And then other people are like, yeah, but you said okay. No. As if it were affirmation of the bet, which is like, it's such nonsense. She's getting the fucking, not only is she getting money,

I just talked her on the way in today, and I'm getting her a car. What? Yeah. Yeah. What? A car. A car, yeah.

Okay, you know. But to your point, Your Honor, you know, it is a tonal. It's okay, it's not okay. The people who don't understand. Yeah, it's so fucking stupid, huh? The ones who actually literally don't understand what is happening in that exchange who go like, no, no, you're saying okay,

I really wonder what your everyday life is like, because I mean, it's so clearly her going, this is the bet, and me going, okay. Which is like, here you go again, like the pact that they don't go, there's different intentions and tones for the use of it. And that's lost on them? They're like, no, you said it, I'm like,

oh, those are our dumbest people. Those are our worded listeners, and also they probably gaslight their spouses as well. They're probably sharing Charo's logic. On accent, they're too dumb to know what's actually happening. Like those are the dumbest people. Oh, I know. I don't read comments for that reason,

because it's just like, you realize, Dr. Drew explained it to me one time that, are you listening? Yeah. Yeah. This is my whole life with, are you listening, how many times a day do I ask you if you're listening?

Did you hear that? I hear it all the time though. I know, not just for me? No, no, I hear what you're saying every time. Oh, okay. But the way that Dr. Drew explained it, Tommy, is that there's an IQ and then there's an average, right? Yeah.

The middle is the average. So you have the middle and then all those mofuckers. Yeah, below. And that's a lot of people. Yeah, it's a lot. And then the above average. It's the one who said, you said okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Stupid. So dumb. So dumb. Yeah, the dumbest. Yeah. And the stupidest and the fucking. Okay.

Yeah. Anyway, she's getting a car. Like what kind? I don't even want to get it. Lamborghini. No, but it's fucking. Okay. It's pretty nice.

Even if you think I should. It's not a Civic. It's not a Civic? No. No, she won't go for a Civic. No, she'll tell you. This is my mom's move. She goes, what car is that?

To whoever's pulling up in there and they go, oh, it's a Honda Civic. She goes, this is really cool. I like it. And then I go, do you want one? And she's like, I like Lexus. Yeah. Okay.

No, she's out of her marbles with that stuff. Okay. All right, cool. I don't want to talk about this. It's gonna make me mad again. I know, I know, I know. I feel like I have to start drinking already. It's so funny how like, yeah, she has that,

I get that way. I'm like, should I start drinking now? To deal with this? So much. Should we open the show? Let's open the show. Let's start the show. Yeah.

Yeah. Here you go. Hey, what's going on everybody? For first week feast, I'm Sean Evans and you're watching Hot Ones. And you're right, Eni. Hot Sauce is the best. Honey

Oh, shit. I can't believe you. I can't believe how far. Holy shit, Gene. It's amazing. Hot Sauce is the best. I just want to know what I did to you. I just want to know how did I wrong you.

Sean Evans from Hot Ones giving you a shout out. That's fucking great. It's got to feel good. What do you see what's next? Why? What gives you such joy? I didn't even say it to you. I hate you.

Why do you like people? People hurt so bad. You're hurting me, Tom. Let's hear Eni say it again. No, I refuse. He also gave me a... Can you play the drop again? I need to hear Eni saying it.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. Hot Sauce is the best. He gave me another version with a little ding here on the end. Sean Evans, what a good announcer. He did such a great job with it. He's fantastic. You're right, Eni.

You're right. Hey, what's going on, everybody? For First We Feast, I'm Sean Evans, and you're watching Hot Ones. And you're right, Eni. Hot Sauce is the best. That's so great. I can't believe it.

I thought you were going to Photoshop some shit and have it just kind of in there. He literally did it. Oh, this is the other one. Hey, what's going on, everybody? For First We Feast, I'm Sean Evans, and you're watching Hot Ones. And you're right, Eni.

Hot Sauce is the best. So good. That's so good. Gosh. Wow. Thank you, Sean Evans. Yeah, Sean. So great.

Getting in on the joke. A lot of Instagram memes made about Eni. He's on the, he's as the chalula lady. Yep. On the thing of Hot Sauce. People really are getting into this. Yeah. And it's a worldwide craze.

Oh, yeah. And all the garth comments are like all about Hot Sauce. Thank God. You have like an inside joke for like a couple shows. Yeah. I'm like, oh, this will pass. It'll pass. It will pass.

But it'll be like 2024. Got a pass. All right. Let's see. Hot Sauce. It's the best. Is he down? That's where it spits different.

God damn. He's like he a comedian. Oh, man. He's coming up in May. Oh, yeah. It's not that big. Man. Well, I mean, people are just so excited that Leo is back.

He, he went away like the Hot Sauce thing will go away and then it'll come back. Yeah. But Leo. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry, Bar. You know, Eni does say that a lot. It's the best.

Oh, yeah. It's the best. I mean, if somebody were to put together a compilation. Oh. Of anything. All saying something's the best. Something's the best. Yeah.

Not to say that just might be a fun thing to do. If anybody out there. I mean, they would have to go through a number of episodes and really flag what's the best. He does it a lot on where my mom's at too. So. And then maybe as a tag to the video, they could pray any. He's the best. You know?

Maybe. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. We love you. We're just throwing out there. Yeah. You know, I save parking spots for you, man.

Dude, I appreciate you. Yeah. I do. Yeah. Very much. Sleep one night. Amen. Live show.

I. Love you. We love you. We love you. It hurts. No, it doesn't. It does not. He loves it.

Also, you know, the YMH family is now officially packed together again. Baby Solo is now in Tejas. Hey. Baby Solo's here. He's here. He graduated from college. Yeah. I am a fucking Jewel.

Hey, buddy. Hey. Yay. Now there's two of you in Austin. Yup. How's it feel to be in Texas? Feels great. I love it here.

It was time to get out of LA, I thought for sure. Yeah. Feels good to be back with the team. You stayed a while after us. Was it like so lame with all your, the coolest people in LA gone? Absolutely. Yeah. I really missed all you guys.

Yeah. We missed you too. You were in a fraternity. Did you ever get to join your frat brothers and party in person? I did. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, we kept doing that stuff low key kind of through COVID and stuff.

Yeah, good for you. Yeah. Did you guys do kickstands? Did you beat up nerds? What did you do? All of the above. Yeah. We had a really good time.

Yeah. Good. That's what frat guys do. Is that what they do? Absolutely. Yeah, sometimes. They make each other hard until I'm ready to. Yeah.

That's how it is. Okay. Well, we're super pumped to have you. It didn't feel right without you here. I know. I missed you guys. I missed you so much. I'm so glad you're here.

You look great. You lost some weight. I did. Yeah. Yeah. You got skinny. Maybe you grew. How'd you do it, Zolo?

A lot of working out. A lot of eating better. You cleaned up your diet? Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Smart guy. Thank you. To do it at 21.

I know. Yeah. Thank you. He kind of realized, like, let's make this change early. I saw it catching up and I was like, well, just keep going. I guess I'm growing. Yeah. So, but I remember Zolo could eat copious amounts of food.

He and Nadav were kind of head to head for him there with those laffas. Remember when he would get the baby size laffa and Zolo, you were in the lead. So have you cut back? I tried to cut back a little bit. You always encouraged me so much. I did. It might be kind of to blame. You're like, Zolo, eat more.

How much can you eat? How much can you eat? And then it's like, oh wait, I gained 20 pounds. Maybe let's scale back on that. Yeah, it was a bad time. Because all of us but Eni have a slow metabolism. Yeah, of course. Yeah.

And he's like, I'll have seven cheeseburgers today. Yeah. And one sitting, and he never shits. So, like, I miss a dump one day and I can see it. Like, I'm bloated. I don't feel good. And I don't know where he hides all of it. Yeah.

Yeah. Crazy. Well, thank you. Thank you so much. We love you. I'm glad you're here, Zolo. We love you. 100% culture.

No. So sorry. I interrupted you, though. You were going about Leo. Yeah. So, you know, he kind of snuck into my mind like a couple weeks ago. Yeah. I really wanted to revisit him.

I got so excited. Yeah. When I revisited him, then we had Jeff Taton and he got to discover him for the first time, which was such a joy. Right. It's like seeing the world through your child's eyes. Yes, it really is. And then I got, it reminded me that, like, when it came out, I started to see comments

from people who were like, yeah, I'm going to have to tap out of this one. And I'm like, what? And they're like, yeah, just can't watch this old guy jerk off for a whole episode. What? And I'm like, why not? Yeah. Are you even a mommy? Well, I mean, like...

You call yourself a YMH fan. Yeah. And then they're like, is this what you call comedy? Yeah. And I'm like, yeah, this is one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life, so I guess I'd call it comedy. Yeah. I mean, I've rewatched it this morning and I was laughing so hard.

Me too. I couldn't do, I couldn't continue my elliptical. It was so... So great. It was so funny. It was great. That's so gay. That's so gay.

It was. It was so, so fun. My favorite part is when he goes, I had Oriental warts. Oh, yeah. Jeff's like, they don't call that. Yeah. Because he says they call it, they say I have Oriental warts, that's not what they say. The doctor's saying for sure.

But maybe in the fifties or something they did. Yeah, back in the day. So, you know, I feel like we can't go on unless we address what's happening with that knucklehead poutine. Oh, yeah. Vlad. He's being a real pain in the neck. Yeah.

He's been goofing around for a while out there. And he did some really rascally stuff. Really rascally stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I mean... Oh my gosh. I would go as far as to say that he's a bad neighbor.

Yeah. He's a troubling character sort. Yeah. And he's been doing this for a minute and everybody warns you about him. But then, you know, now you see it and you're like, you know what? Bad guy. Bad guy. Even Seagal doing and all of this.

People, you know, there was that like a meme, like a screen grab going on about a CNN article. Mm-hmm. It said he's on the front lines. It turns out it's parody. It's not... I like that CNN reported it. Like they didn't even check. No, they didn't.

I'm saying it's all made up. Like it's a made up. Oh, that's CNN. Okay. It was made up that... No, Steven Seagal is not fighting with Russian special forces. Yeah. But he is pro-Russia.

He loves poutine. I think, I think I saw a comment that said that, you know, he hopes that there can be a peaceful resolution, but I don't know. I'm surprised that he didn't just go like, yeah, 100 percent, we should be fucking bomb understood. I know. I mean, I know even when Steven Seagal goes against his favorite leader, you know, talking about America's best actor and the best actor and then this great world leader and the

bros. Yeah. Broskis. What do you think about Hitler? Well, he was also a goofy guy. Yeah. Yeah. So there's so many great stories that are coming out from Ukrainian fighters, you know, women,

women on the front lines being like, you want your son, your Russian son, have your mom come and get him. It's so fucking badass. So what happens when mom shows up? Will they give him away, you think? Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty, from what I've, the stories I've seen, civilized, you know.

It's crazy that we're seeing it get bombed. I know. It's really insane. It's devastating. Yeah. It's so crazy because my parents went through the exact same story line. And it's a full on. It's like, oh, we're doing this again.

Invasion. Full on. An attack. That's what these knuckleheads do, these broskis, they come in, they destroy, and then everyone speaks Russian. That's what they do. Take away all your stuff, and then they replace it with their shitty food. Tonight, guys, what my parents' kids?

It would be completely inexcusable if Russian women weren't so hot, though, you know, like this. This is true. Fuck. I know. There's a reason they make the best porn, right? These bruskis. God, if I were a citizen, I'd be like, get out, get out of here.

Oh, it's so terrible. Face and your. What a knucklehead. Did you hear that this Texan joined? Yeah, I heard about this. I haven't seen it yet. I haven't seen it either. Let's see it.

Stand up. This is Teyos on the front line with the denauty fires and liberators of Ukraine. These guys are tough. These guys are ready. And there's plenty of them. So far, Russia has used about 10% of its military power, and we're getting ready to bring the hammer down. These guys are going to liberate all the good people in Ukraine, and the bad people, kick

their ass. Very cool. What news? Very cool guy. What news source is he watching? Like, is this the Kremlin's news? State-run media? Yeah, I was going to say.

I mean, that's what's broadcast in Russia. Oh, I know. Yeah. I mean, but usually you hear this out of older Russians, people who remember the Soviet Union, and they're like, well, yeah, Ukraine belonged to us. Well, I think it's pretty clear what happened here. This guy killed it in America. Crushed it.

And it was like, I wonder if I can conquer another continent. You know what I mean? So he was like, North America, won that battle. So let's go see where else he could be. He's on the right side of history. I mean, he looks very good. Very good. He's in shape.

Yeah. The whole outfit is really working, the scarf thing and the strap over the, it's the hat, the hair. It's fucking solid. Well, it looks like he could be Leo. He could be Leo. Yeah. And it's good that he's prepared for that harsh Ukrainian winter and he's got a sweater

and the leather jacket. Nice leather jacket. Yeah. Yeah, that's going to keep you warm. Solid. Minus five Celsius. Yeah. Got your cool leather on.

And the hat too. He looks, he's dressed like a Russian newspaper boy with that stupid fucking hat. Get out there and we're going to drop a hammer on him. Okay. Okay. This guy has been misinformed. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Pretty cool. Bring the hammer down. What a fucking weird out. I feel like he has to say this in order to like keep living there. Like they're like, you're allowed to live as long as you keep. Same as nonsense. Pump out this shit.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't like explain it to him. He's like, what? Oh, shit. You know, like. There's a what? You're on the wrong side.

Now, you know what the thing is people do now though? If you tell them something that is a truth they don't like to go, that's made up. Yeah. Fake news. Nah, you just, you're watching mainstream shit. I didn't like that. Well, Poutine doesn't listen to the internets. Right.

He only gets information from his inside circle, which is probably really good, right? It's like all our news coming from these guys and we took the quiz. We know there's only one or two that should be telling us stuff. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, it's true. I knew he'd like that comment. I was like, how happy I just made him by saying that, right, Tom? Yeah.

Fully retarded. Yeah. Yes, I'm piece of shit. You were pointing at me. Yes, I'm piece of shit. Yeah. Yes, I'm piece of shit. Oh, well.

So. Oh, well. Yeah. Well, yeah. You know, I really do hope it gets resolved. I hope by the time this episode comes out it's resolved because it is really, really sad to watch. It's hard.

Yeah. My heart goes out to that. It's so, it's like. I know. I've been so upset about this story. I know. I know. I don't like it.

Oh, you quit being a knucklehead, Poutine. Stop it. Yeah. You goofball. Let people play outside. Goofy guy. Yeah. Here, let's do something that's a completely different from this.

Okay. You'll like this. Are you ready? Yeah. This is going to make you laugh. Okay. Oh, my god. Oh, come on.

Come on. Get back in there. Oh, this is going to be wet and I'm going to have a mess. Oh, bring anyone coming. You've got to shit. Oh, I thought it was someone else. Come on. I'm going to shit my pants right at the doorstep.

I know it. I've done that. Who hasn't had this? Who hasn't not had, who hasn't lived this exact moment? That's very relatable. It's the fucking worst. It's the worst. And she's enjoying it so much.

Right. And then. Oh. No. Oh, I just shit. Oh, my god. It's coming down my leg. I don't want to get out of this.

We might have to do a rain check. Oh. That happened to me. Do you remember in Santa Barbara, like in 2007 or something, we were just dating. Uh-huh. And we were driving around Santa Barbara. I don't like that. Okay.

Looking at houses and stuff. Yeah. And I go, babe, I got to take a dump. And you're like, okay. La, la, la. And then you're like, oh, look, I think that's Oprah's house or whatever. And I'm like, babe, I have to go. You've got to pull over.

Yeah. I was like, I will take you to shit when we're done doing this. I was like, but the time is now. Because I understood I have to shit as like, it's something I'd like to do in the next couple hours, which is so crazy to me. Yeah. Because when I have to shit, I have to shit now. Like that's, yeah, that's me.

That guy. I was like, oh, I could shit. And then you're just like, you know, sometimes I could be like, I could shit and I'll do it later. That's so fucking crazy to me. I know. So the other day, I hope you don't mind me sharing the story about you. But we went on an overnight romantic getaway to Fredericksburg.

Are you listening to me? I am. And anyway, we're there and we're in the bed in our lovely little cabin. And I heard your guts gurgling a little. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I asked you. You did. I asked him, I said, do you have to go poopy?

You did. And what did you say? I said no. You lied? Yeah. And then we made sweet marital love. Yeah. And then what's the, as I recall, something very magic happened for you that day.

I don't recall. You remember? Yeah, I wouldn't call it sweet marital love. It was sweet marital love. Okay. Any hoodles. I want to lick them gross. Anyway, after we finished making marital love, a second later, you're like, I got to take

a shit now. And I was like, yeah, I know. You lied to me. Yes. I lied to you because I realized that what was on the table, the offer. Right. And then I was like, oh, I can suppress the shit and then just shit after this. Which is amazing to me because if I have to shit, I can't fuck.

But you, when you have to shit, you still fuck. Yeah. I don't think this is universal, gentlemen. It depends on, hold on. You have to be fair to the scale. Sure. Let's go. To the scale of how bad you have to shit.

Yeah. Okay. Let's talk about how bad you had to shit. For me, it wasn't like, oh my God, I have, there's, I have to shit now. Like that guy. Right. You couldn't fuck if you had to shit like that. No, no, no, no.

Okay. And then there's a degree below that that you still can't fuck. So let's say on a scale of one to 10, that's 10. That's a 10. Oh my God, I have to shit. There's no way I can fuck. And I couldn't fuck at 10, nine or eight. That's.

But I think I might be able to do a seven. I think I could do a seven. You can still fuck before shitting at a seven. I think so. Seven would make me go, should I shit right now? And then, and I might, I might take the shit. I might be like, yeah, just go for it and shower and, you know, but I also might be like, you know, I think I can suppress this just for this, this nut.

It's so amazing. I'm really, I'm really amazed at your ability. Thank you. But you don't feel the need to shit while you're fucking. No, that once you, if you sign up for it, you tell the body we're doing this instead. It does shut it down. And it doesn't shut it down for that long, but it shuts it down for the time that you're doing it.

The duration that you need a nut. The body prioritizes needs. Yeah. So gentlemen in the booth, Nadav, can you suppress your need to shit for your need to fuck? Like, like Tom said, eight, nine or 10, definitely not. I mean, seven, I can't, like I would probably just end things early if I needed to shit before we, I would be like, I'm not feeling well. I think you should go home.

So you're saying, no, you could not suppress your need to shit in order to fuck. No, I don't think so. No. I mean, I can either. I'd hate to shit during fucking. Yeah. Yeah. But I feel like that's very unlikely.

If it's, if it's like a four or a five kind of flag inside, you're like, oh, I'm not going to shit myself. If I had like a seven, it would occur to me. I would be like, ooh, I could maybe shit during this. So sorry. Where were you at in Fredericksburg? We were at a, what number? Oh, like, um.

Oh, look at him reminiscing. Like a five. You were at a five. Yeah. Five were like, if I had walked to the toilet and sat down, I would have shit. Right. But it wasn't like, it wasn't like, hey, hey, hey, hey, go, go, go, go. So it wasn't painful.

No. And then you were, then I wanted, I didn't want to be like, all right, I'll go shit now. And then you'll be like, you know what? You, you don't want to risk the lay. Right. A bird in the hand. Like you had the, you had my bird in your hand and you're like, don't you dare?

Don't you dare. No, you don't think that I would have let you shit. Yeah, you would have. But I would, I wait a minute. I just would have been, I just was like, this is the priority right now. Yeah. Yeah. Any other boys in the booth would like to give their, we know Annie doesn't really

brown that often. So I'm assuming fucking is a priority over shitting. Seven sounds like a reasonable level of, of having to suppress. Yeah. Seven. So it, wow. Seven's kind of the max though, right? I mean.

Seven's about the max. Yeah. This is fascinating. Guys, right in. Let me know. I feel like this is a hot topic. I mean, Nadav, you and I are on the same page here. Yeah.

I can't fathom having to shit and fuck at the same time. As surprising as it is to hear, I try to avoid embarrassment at all costs. Or just the, I don't, I don't feel sexual if I have to shit. Yeah. I mean, I still regret. Wow. Maybe this is why I still regret to this day. I was in sophomore in college.

Uh-oh. No. It's not. Uh-oh. And this girl. Mary. Fuck. Mary, Mary.

She was like kind of. I hate Mary's, by the way. Really? I had a lot of bad Mary's in my life. She was kind of a hippie-ish. Yeah. You know, a smelly. You know, free spirit type.

Smoked weed where the, you know, the cut off, like the crop top with the, you know, I mean that look. She wear patchouli. Like the hippie girl kind of thing. I remember having patchouli. That's the smell of dirty pussy. It is. I don't, I don't like patchouli.

It's disgusting. Birkenstocks? No. No. But you know, like multiple rings, like just like a free spirit type. And we were flirting and stuff. And then one night she's like, come over. Right?

We had, we had kissed on a, on a previous night. And she's like, come over. And I'm like, I go, I can't. I think, no, I think maybe I go over and then I go, I gotta go back. I have to study for this test in the morning, which was bullshit. I had like a nine inside of me. And I went back and I shit so much. That my sweet mates, like not my roommates, the guys on the other side, they go,

what the fuck is that? And it was just like a black pool of death. And it was a fucking disaster. And she was like, you don't want to come over. I was like, oh, I got this test. I got to study because I didn't want to, you know, be embarrassed or how that happened. And then it fucking didn't happen again.

Oh, no. You know, it ruined it. And so now I think I go, like, suppress that shit, get that nut. That's what's important. Lesson learned. You learn the hard way. Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. Wow. Oh, I'll make you come. Also, I'd like to tell Bert officially, please never use the women's bathroom again. Yeah. It was so fucking foul. He said he only is going to use it. No, no, no.

He's not allowed to use it. He's forbidden. Well, how are you going to enforce that? You guys have forced it. I have someone standing on it. We could put a lock on it. You could put a lock on it. It's so disgusting.

There's shit caked on the back of the bowl. It was really gross. Yeah. I've never seen it that bad. Even your caca marks are, I mean, he literally has like a whole turd caked on them. We have different diets. Definitely.

Yeah. He was drinking quite a bit. Ugh. I can't believe Leanne has to deal with that. We started at 7.30 in the morning. He was drinking quite a bit. Holy shit, dude. Yeah.

Well, now I understand your story. You know, it's like when you know somebody's reasons, you have more empathy for them. Yeah. You know, now I see Tom. I get you. Oh, Mary. I get you. You know, I learned about Mary, too.

She's a fuck. She's a fuck. She's a fuck. She's a fuck. She's a fuck. She's a fuck. She's a fuck. She's a fuck.

Yeah. You know, I learned about Mary, too. She's a fucking cunt. This happened to me twice with these, uh, these hoes. Um, I learned, because I was really bummed out about that not happening again. You know, I liked her. Yeah. She, uh, she was pregnant with a kid like a year later.

Oh. Also happened with a friend of one of my sisters that I was messing around with. Uh-oh. I couldn't go all the way and then, and I would have, and then, uh, like a year later, she's pregnant. This is like when I was like 20, you know. That could have been your nut. Could have been me.

That ho over there. Yeah. Now, when you were 20, were you using condoms? Uh, yes and no. That's no. No, I, I would, I would always think like you got to use a condom and then anytime a girl was like, you don't have to use a condom, then you're like, oh, okay. Of course.

I would just tell the guys, you don't need to worry about it. Yeah. I don't care. Just blow loads inside of it. That's, those were the best. The best. Those chicks who were like, you're like, I'm going to pull out and then they're like, just go inside.

You're like, uh. Uh. God, I want to die when you say stuff like that. Your face is terrible and you just stop. God, that's what you think you look like. You look worse. Trust me. That's flattering for what you look like.

That's flattering? What do I look like? I might tell you. Tell me. You don't want to know. I want to know. That's bad. I want to know.

No. You fucking retard. Is that what I look like? You look like a fucking retard. Really? Do I? Yeah. It's more like that.

Really? Really? No, no, no, no, no. That's what I look like. Yeah. You don't know you do that? No. I don't want to talk about your come face.

Why? Because it's private. It's my, you're my come face. Okay. You just said it looks fully R worded. Yeah. Everybody looks R worded when they black. Uh.

That's not flattering. No. No, it's usually not. No. No. Yeah. No. Okay.

I got it. I look like a rabbit. Oh, that's more like it. Yeah. Yeah. That's more what you look like. That's your sneeze face. That's your, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what it is. There you go. It's horrible. Oh my God. That looks terrible. Uh. Uh. Uh.

Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh.

Uh. Uh. Uh. Oh God. I don't like it. I don't want it. Uh. Uh.

Okay. Yeah. Please. Uh. Hmm. Yeah. Shbert took a fucking gnarly dump. He's nasty.

In my toilet. Yeah, he's nasty. I don't like that. Very nasty guy. This is why I had a women's bathroom separate from you animals so that I don't have to deal with you guys pooping anymore. Yeah. In my area.

You know how gnarly it was in the old studio? You know, I would go in after all of you took dumps. It was horrible. Especially after lunchtime when everybody took their after lunch dumps. Yeah. I mean, not any, obviously, but it's disgusting. That's true. It's gross.

Dudes using the same bathroom as a dude. I know. It's the worst. We would all shit in that one. I know. LA, that was gnarly. It was so gross. And then somebody was like, I can tell who shit there.

I was in the dot. He was like, oh, I know everybody's shit pattern. Yeah. I mean, when you said that Bert shit in your toilet. I was just like, oh, is there some under the seat? Yeah. Yeah. There is.

Fully. Go look in there. It's fully smeared. It's literally smeared. What are the shit patterns? So Tom gets under the seat a little bit. Yes. Bert gets under the seat a lot.

A lot. And he doesn't do anything. Chris, it comes out fast. Yeah. So there's skid marks like right at the bottom. Skids at the bottom. Oh, OK. Like right at the bottom of it, but it cleans out fast.

That's healthy. I think that's like healthy. Yeah. Me, you don't really see a sign from me. And then I don't know how Chad shits. Who else? Zolo. I don't think I know how Zolo shits either.

Really? But I think Jay's probably shit alike. That's. OK. Silly. You think he shits like you? Yeah. You know, tomato, tomato.

Sure. Silly. All Jay's shit alike. That is just silly. So you remember. Obviously you remember this, right? Is he down? Oh my God.

I love Hunter Izzy down. Yeah. Did you see him go down? So that is Luke Bryant. Greatest teeth. He's a famous country singer. I know. We're such dopes.

We didn't even know that. Well, it's Luke Bryant. I thought it was Bryant. Anyway, I didn't know how immensely famous this guy is. Yeah. It says it's a follow up. So I don't know. What?

I don't know. That's what it says here. Let's see. Izzy down. Oh. Smoked. Smoked baby. Oh.

Smoked. Smoked baby. He's hammered. He's hammered, right? Woo. Man. He's hammered. He's hammered, right?

Man. He's hammered it. Oh, great. This dude. Wow. Fully nuts. Fully nuts. When he shoots shit.

Yeah. When he kills an animal, that's his come face. Yeah. We just saw it. That's his wife. I feel like you should try hunting because you're, you know, you always talk about wanting to hurt things and kill stuff. I think killing stuff might do this for you.

I gotta tell you though, I'd rather do it to a person than an animal. Yeah. Yeah. I understand that. I mean, that deer was super cute. Yeah. I felt bad for the deer. I would rather bash somebody's hand with a hammer than shoot a deer.

Because don't you think there is a population of people you should be allowed to murder? Yes. Like, who goes in there? I know. We already know. Oh. No. What?

You know. Let's um. I'm not sure I do, but like they're just sucky people that you should be able to kill. Of course. But like pedos. Pedophiles should definitely. Yeah. That should be free reign.

You can just, is it free reign or free range? Free reign. Free reign. Free reign. To do it as you please. Yeah. Yeah. You should just be able to hunt those down.

You should be able to. Yeah. Pedophiles, that should be open season. Anytime. Like if this guy could just hunt pedophiles. That just happened. It would be so much happening. It would be so much happening.

Can Velazquez. What? The UFC fighter just got arrested for attempted murder. Because somebody of, you know, all these things are sound terrible to say. But if the worst thing you could probably do is fuck with a killer's child. And somebody like, the story is, and probably by the time this comes out, it might be further along that somebody molested his daughter. Nope.

And he shot him. I would too. Or went to shoot him. And yeah, I got arrested. And everybody's kind of like, yeah. Yeah. Where is he being tried? Where'd he get arrested?

Do you know? Can you pull that up? Did he get arrested here in Texas? Where's the court case? Because if it happened in Texas, I'm pretty sure they'd be like, yep, that's fine. See you later. Where is he? Oh, in Bay Area.

Oh, good luck. That's not where you want to get arrested. Yeah. Look at this guy. Yeah. Can you imagine fucking with that guy's kid? Why would you? You're fucking insane.

Fucking hey. Well, fuck, good for him. I saw him fight in person one time and knock somebody out. I forget who he knocked out. Maybe Junior Dos Santos or something. He's terrifying. Yeah. He's like a heavyweight champ.

Yeah. Yeah. And he was a NCAA champ wrestler and then a UFC heavyweight champ. Scary dude. What does it make it bigger there? So the guy's going to live. Trying to see if there's anything here that I didn't know about. Keep going.

Yeah. There's not really a lot in here, right? In this story. He's from Salinas. Yeah. And he trains. Is there any like, if you, if you put came to Alaska as news, is there anything like up to the minute?

Like, is there anything current for like right now? One day ago, 19 hours ago. Yeah. Because I think I saw a Dana White reaction. And he was like, oh, I think we all would have done that too. Yeah. So, oh wait, scroll down the post one. Oh yeah.

Cable attempted to shoot me an accuse of molesting his relative. Okay. So maybe it wasn't his daughter. Is it somebody else? He looks totally at peace in that fucking mugshot. He's like, yeah, I made a good decision. Yeah. I don't blame him.

Yeah. One of the close relatives. Jesus Christ. So, okay. Aiming to shoot Harry Eugene Galartey when he opened fire in a car occupied by Galartey and two others. The bullet allegedly struck Galartey's stepfather instead. Oh, so he ended up hitting the wrong.

That's what I heard. Okay. I've a lude. Okay. So he had been arraigned Friday on a felony count of basically assaulting a minor. And Galartey's accuser is a relative of Alaska's Jesus Christ. The child was abused by Galartey at his mother's daycare center. See these fucking.

So he was going to his mom's place as like his breeding ground. He was granted supervised release despite objections from the prosecutors. Yeah. And then imagine that guy on the left there coming at you. Yeah. Like. I think if this happened in Texas, they'd give him a medal of honor. I wish I know.

I wish he had not shot him and just fucking pummeled him. Sames. You know. It's the use of the weapon that probably will. Yeah. Imagine if like he just grabbed him and just started beating the fuck up. And started like we talked about with ribs. Just started just breaking ribs first.

Yeah. It wouldn't have been attempted murder at that point. Yeah. True. He would have done it. He would have done it. Yeah. Yeah.

Keep it to the ribs. Keep it to the ribs. Oh my God. Yeah. Well it is. I mean it is kind of like everybody. Yeah. MMA fighter looking smug and satisfied.

He does look like he's like. It is every like parents you know I won't say fantasy but like in that situation people always say that like if you do something to a kid. I feel like it's it's it should just be legal. Yeah. To retaliate against that crime. Yeah. That's terrible.

I actually agree that I think we should put a medal around his neck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah dog. For sure. Yeah. I would actually look into do they have bail yet set for him. I bet you.

I think I read it earlier that at this point there isn't a bail set. There's not a bail set. I bet you he gets bailed out by like citizens. Yeah. Yeah. People are gonna be like yeah I'll take care of that. Yeah. Yeah.

Fuck dude. Unreal. Well. Anyway. Well. Hunter Izzy down guy. Yeah. Comes pretty hard after killing that deer.

I know. Just. Oh I wanted to give a quick update on my Zimzr person that we were going to ask and they weren't there that day. Just so you know I was like asking about it. Well I keep I keep going there and I don't know if they don't work there anymore. I may have lost my window of opportunity. I don't know that they're not working anymore.

I mean just happened to be the hour and day you were there. Gosh I hope I haven't lost it. We were walking in we were getting pumped. Yeah. My heart was what were you going to say? Because you're going to be like oh hey did you see the movie what's your pronoun? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I wanted to ask. Hey what's your what's your pronoun? What's your pronoun? You want to see something cool? Always. Hey y'all so I'm going to make two videos that's two videos in one day because I've been stacking.

I've been stacking. I call the girls stackers. I'm sorry y'all. I'm very sorry. You girls aren't stackers. I'm the stacking one. I ain't made a video in a while. How's people going to know that I'm free and I'm single.

Oh. They have a fucking valentine if I ain't made a video in a while. So I had to make two videos to let you know that I'm single. I'm free and I'm an awesome person. Sounds like. I'm just out here doing my shit. Trying to do the best I can. That's all I could do is the best I can.

I can't do any better than the best I can. That's true. So everybody have a good day. Oh. Hopefully I'll see you soon. Everybody keep telling and spread some love around. The world needs some love. So if you got some love, spread it around.

Spread some love around. Spread the wealth. Spread the love. Spread the magic. Peace. I always like when they wish people a good day. Very important word. I mean, it's an interesting video for a number of reasons.

Number one, the choice to do it in the bathroom. Always. Always a solid choice. The choice to do it in the bathroom. The choice to be shirtless. Another choice. And not a bad physique. No, he looks good.

It looks like he works out or is naturally in shape. He doesn't look bad at all. The choice to shoot the mirror as opposed to flipping the camera on oneself so that you get to see the hand holding the camera for the duration of the video. Interesting. The choice to not wipe down the mirror, you know. And then some of the freedom he took with the camera work. Interesting.

To move the camera in and out was also really, I mean, the message itself was the letting people know I'm single, which is important. That's good to know. Spread love. But, you know, I think you could get some bites. I think you could get some bites. And also because he's like, I'm an amazing person. Yeah.

And how do you let people know you're amazing? By telling them. You tell them. I'm an amazing person. Yeah. I'm dynamic. Dynamic. Charismatic.

I'm fit. Like usually you don't have to tell people you're amazing. Yes, you do. You got to be like, I'm funny. I'm great. I'm smart. That's how people go like, oh, that's what that guy's all about. But I do think in the order of our cool guy club, like he hasn't crossed the line here.

He's very put together. And you're right. That some woman is like, oh, he fine, you know, cute. It'd be interesting. Here's what I'd be interested to see. What comes next? That's what I want to see. Where does this go?

What direction do we go in from here? Yeah. Do we remain shirtless? Do we keep going to the bathroom to film? Does the message change at all? That's what I want to see. How does this evolve? True.

True. Or devolve? True. True. True. True. True. True.

True. True. Because we found too with cool guys, they like to stay on message. We generally don't digress. It's interesting that you say that. And I'll tell you why. Somebody is very consistent with their message. Mm.

Gabriel. Hey, my baby. How you doing, baby? I'm all right. Yeah. I like them drawers. Good. You're wearing good.

Consistent. Yeah, put it in my face. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh. I mean, to the camera. Yeah.

Always here. Yeah. Always talking to somebody who's not hearing what he's saying. And it's always the same message. Yeah. You don't believe me? I'm gonna make you come. We got it.

Yeah. I'm gonna lay down on the floor. Yeah. Yeah. I just want you to put your pussy in my face. Mm-hmm. Very consistent. Yeah, that's true.

He's always been like that. Yeah, pussy smell good. Yeah. It's like some homemade soup. Yeah. Oh, yeah, man. That's gonna help your eye. That homemade soup.

That pussy. Yeah. Yeah. I've never heard that before. No. The pussy was like some homemade soup. I kind of like that analogy. I like it a lot.

That it cures you. Yeah, it's nice. It makes you feel good. He really likes it, which is alluring. I think if I could find one attractive thing about him, I'd do appreciate his enthusiasm. Mm-hmm. And I like that he's into pussy. Yeah.

He's very into it. Yeah. This is when he got his new camera, you can tell. Yeah. Much better quality for you. Cool. Well, thanks for sharing. Yeah.

I'm so happy to have an update. Well, you were saying you cool guys are consistent and I was trying to back up. So consistent. Yeah. They don't really deviate from the message ever. Such a great. So anyway, I want to bring up, you know, this came out a while ago, so it's, you know, but I got so many people sending me the new Victoria's Secret model.

Did you happen to catch that one? Yeah. I did catch it. Yeah. Yeah. Now, here's my favorite. So Sofia Giraud becomes Victoria's Secret first model with Down syndrome quote, dream come true.

So not only is she Puerto Rican, which is their, their touting that she's, you know, she's Puerto Rican. She's 24 years old and she's also a model with Down, Down syndrome. She shared the exciting news on social media joining the fashion brand for a new underwear lighting campaign. One day I dreamed of it. I worked for it and today it's a dream come true. I can finally tell you my big secret.

Giraud wrote in Victoria's Secret's first model with Down syndrome. Well, here's a couple of things that I'll tell you. I understand. Like, I don't think she's the first Down's model, right? For Victoria's Secret? Those bras are kind of not bright. Oh, sorry. Go ahead.

So, so what I was saying is that while I get that inclusion, I really do get it. It is important. It's very important. You understand that it's important more actually, I think when you have children because you realize that children see things and they go, Oh, I can do that because they see themselves represented there. You know, like our boys see it everywhere so they like they never doubt that they can do anything.

Right. Right. Cause they're just like, yeah, that guy looks like me. He does that. You know, so I get, I get that it's important. The, the, not the problem, it's not a problem, but the thing that jumps out at me is that inherently we sexualize lingerie models. That's the gig.

The gig is you're so hot that everybody wants to fuck you or J. They're D to you or J. They're D to you. And like, and look, you're, you're a genetic freak. You're gifted, right? Yeah. That's your gift. Men and women. You see male underwear models.

You look at them. They're like, who the fuck looks like this? They look perfect. Yeah. Perfect physiques. And then you go, I want to, I want to suck on this guy's balls, you know, yeah. That's exactly what all women are thinking. I want to suck his balls.

I want to suck his balls and lick the come off his abs after he nuts, you know. Okay. So, so weird. But here's what I, what I think. You inherently sexualize the Victoria's secret model and now to be inclusive, you've hired this girl and I, you know, you applaud her that, that has Down syndrome as a Victoria's secret model. And then I guess you're trying to tell me like, in this case, you shouldn't sexualize

this one, right? Because if you do, that feels kind of wrong. Right. I see what you're saying. You're saying that Victoria's secret is making you J your D to a girl with Down syndrome. And is that acceptable? And they're telling, is it acceptable? Is that cool?

Or are they saying like, tell your boner to go down on this one. You know what I mean? Like she's not worth being J. Well, it's not that she's not worth it, but is it even right? Is it ethical for you to J your D? Because I'm looking at this, I'm looking at this girl and I'm thinking, can't nut. You know? Right.

Like I just don't feel like I can. Well, that's the thing is, okay, it's our great Jenny and, what's his name, Forest Gump debate. Was Jenny taking advantage of forest? Yes. Because of his diminished mental capacity. Same with her. Like.

She looks good. And by the way, she looks great. Let's be honest. Yeah, she looks great. Yeah, she looks great. Look at this body. It's beautiful. But I'm saying like, she is of diminished capacity.

Does she, how do we know she can make these type of decision to be sexualized? Like you're saying. You're being sexualized. Yeah. It's an innocent person. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. She's an innocent.

So it's like, is that really okay? Fully capable male. Is it ethical for him to be like, I want to fuck this girl. Right. Which is the gig. Let's be honest. And also like Victoria's Secret is trying to rebrand itself as like a pro woman thing. Like remember, instead of models, they had accomplished women.

Oh, I thought they had angels. No, they, so that's how it used to be. It used to be like the hottest of the hot models were Victoria's Secret angels. And they were stunning, gorgeous. Yeah. Supermodels. Everybody wanted to be an angel growing up. Okay.

And then it changed to women who are accomplished are now Victoria's Secret models. And those chicks have impressive brains, not impressive figures or faces compared. This was like the Victoria's Secret show. That's the golden age. Yeah. Yeah. This makes sense. This is a lingerie company.

Yeah. And they walk out in the show and then they send you the catalog and you sit at home and you fucking. Yeah. You know. But even if not like as a, as a teenage girl growing up, we would get the catalog Victoria's Secret and you just looked at the photos and admired them and you admired for their beauty.

And then as a teenage girl, I was like, oh, I'm not, I'm not fucking with this model, but it's gorgeous. Right. Same Z, by the way, on an underwear. Calvin Klein underwear. Yeah. Calvin Klein underwear models are the gold standard for male models. Correct.

The 90s. And you see them and you're like, who the fuck looks like this guy? Wish I was that. But I'm not. Yeah. Now you look at this girl and this girl right here, this angel, I don't know her name. She is an angel. She is an angel.

She is an angel. She inherently knows, oh, it's Devin Windsor. She knows that every guy goes, I want to put my D all up in your P. That's the job. That's the job. And she knows it. She knows it's been her whole life. And then she got into modeling and it went up times 10.

And now she's a Victoria's Secret wearing lingerie for a, for a living. And every guy's just like, let me violate every hole in your body. Just put loads in her. Yeah. She gets it. And she is, oh, like she can be like, no thanks. Sure. Like she.

And you don't feel like you, like as a man, you having that thought doesn't feel wrong. It just feels like you're biology taking over, right? You're like, that's an attractive woman. You know, yes, I'd like to see her naked. Yeah. And you look at Sophia, is that her name? Yeah. Sophia.

And you're like, she's an attractive woman. Oh, I just should just applaud her. Right. Because we don't know that she's capable of, of saying, hey, I know what this job is. I know what this fun, what I'm doing here. Yeah. I don't, I think she's. And we're front and we're showing her like the rest and probably her ass and some of

it. Of course. And she's going and like, look at this body. Check out this, this gorgeous body and you're supposed to go like, it is a nice body. Good for you. Yeah. That's the one model you're supposed to go. Good job.

I want to J my D to you. What's really funny to me is they chose to go not only the Down syndrome way, but like, and she's Puerto Rican. Like we're multicultural and it's like, what the fuck? But you know what this reminds me of? This is how I feel about euphoria, that teen show that I'm really into. It's like, I'm very, I'm very, what's the word I'm looking for, confused, because the kids, they're 17, 16 year olds and they're so hot and there's tons of dicks everywhere.

And I'm like, I'm attracted to it, but then I'm like, oh, but they're supposed to be like teenagers. Yeah. But then the reality is they're like 25 year olds playing. So I'm like fucked up. So I'm, but it's not my fault. It's euphoria is fault for casting 25 year olds who are playing teenagers. Look at the fucking cast of euphoria.

Show me the cast of euphoria. Look at this boy. He's not fucking 17. What'd you fuck him? No, I'm, I'm married, babe. No, I'm asking you. Come on. I mean, if I were 20, if I were in my 20s, yeah, not now, he doesn't want to see my

fucking middle-aged mom body. I'd be too embarrassed. Okay. Look at that boy. Which one? Him. He's British. Which one's him?

He's Nate. His character is Nate. Okay. And. Oh, you would date him. I mean, look how gorgeous this kid is. Yeah. And they show his dong and it's as big as an Avion bottle is what they say.

I mean, I don't know if it's really his. Oh. That's what the whole bit is. Oh, in the show. They're like, he sends his dick pic to a character and then anyway, I mean. You get to see it go like erect and everything. Yeah. You just see the like a dick shot of him with the Avion bow, but it's like, they want me

to want me like obviously guys, who's watching this middle-aged moms, not teenagers, teenagers are too busy going. Be honest. Did you, did you lick your lips when you watched it? Of course. He's gorgeous. And they show him in the shower all the time and he's always fucking Cassie, who's like super hot.

She's hot. You want to see hot? Okay. You want to feel conflicted? Yeah. Cassie Euphoria. This girl's body is like so beautiful and fucking perfect. She's got huge cans and they show them all the time on the show.

This trick. Look at her. But Google like Cassie Euphoria naked or something because there's naked shots of her on the show. This is like Selfie's nude and you're like, oh my God, I don't know how old she is in real life, but I mean, look at her big naturals and those are naturals. This is the kind of shit they're showing on this teen show is what I'm saying. So like-

And you're asking me if I'm conflicted? Right. This is her naked Sydney sweet. That's her body on the far right. See, here's- She's ecstatic. She's perfect. Here's what I understand about you.

Like I'm in a syndrome. Can you still feel this way? No. Right. No. But I also want to go back to something you said. What? I talked to about the guy and you're like, he doesn't want to see-

He doesn't want to see my middle aged mom bob. But I don't think that about her. You don't worry like, what if she looks at you and is like, oh my God, that doesn't bother you? I mean, if she does, but I also don't go, she doesn't want my middle aged dad bod. You don't think about how you're affecting her? No. You're also the guy that can hold into shit, dad sex.

I can't do that. Yeah. If you go like, hey, what about her? I'd be like, yeah, I'll fucking slam it in her and just, you know, she'll be lucky to get it. Yeah. I don't think that way. I'm a little more self-conscious.

Take her to fucking Poundtown. Okay. Yeah. I don't think that way. Because I'm like- And I'll be like, you've been fucking some 20-year-olds? Check this out. And then just do like-

Okay, but Google Nate naked euphoria and look at, so Cassie bangs Nate, season two spoiler alert. And I know I'm supposed to say that before I reveal something. Sorry, I learned that. I don't wear my mom's hat. Okay. Like this guy is perfect. He's a football player.

He's like the captain of the football team or whatever. And there he is. I mean, he's like perfect. And they bang all the time. And it's like, I can't have sex with him. This guy? Yeah. Dude, look at that guy's abs.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. I feel bad. I don't- Why would you feel bad? I'd be like, you don't want to see this. Compared to that? Well, don't do that, though.

What do you mean? You think I should just be like, yeah, you want this mom bod? Yeah. Come on, Jacob. Yeah, I guess. You're right. You've been fucking girls your whole life. You're a fucking woman.

I'm fucking mom. But now you've got to pull out. You can't be like, oh, whatever you want. You've got to put it on him. Well, that's the trade-off. You've got to do it. Yeah, you've got to put on a show. That's the trade-off.

The older woman trade-off is that I really have to- Skills. Yeah. Yeah. I've got to show him what 20 years of skills looks like. Exactly. So what do I do when we're doing it? I mean, things you don't like to do.

Do I put my finger in his bum-bum? Of course. Here you go, Mighty. You lick it first. You have to. I have to. If he looks like that, you're not going to fucking flex on him a little bit. No, I know.

Go the extra mile. You have to. I know, I have to. You've got to lick there, finger in there, lick around the world. You've got to ride him, tell him to finish in my mouth, swallow it, you've got to do it all. See, this is why I maybe can't do it. That's the trade-off.

There's too much pressure. Yeah, that's the trade-off. Well, what are you doing for Cassie? Just being so vile. I want her to walk away being like, that was disgusting. You want to traumatize her? Yeah, and then I'll be like, yeah, you chose a 42-year-old guy. What did you think was going to happen, baby?

You think I'm fucking 19? Like, thanks for doing this. No, no, no. That's true, because you're right, because you fuck. Right way, I'd be like, like, yeah, she's like, what's happening? You're like, I'm fucking showing you a hair down. That's true because 20-year-old boys don't get down like that. Exactly.

Exactly. And that's the trade-off. She goes, you don't have six pack. You don't have any fucking abs. I'd be like, yeah, but check this out. That's true, and you think Nate would forgive my stretch marks and mom bod if I was just more of a pig is what you're saying. Absolutely.

That's true, because guys will bang uglier chicks if they put out wildly, right? Like if they do crazy stuff. Of course. Yeah, because sometimes the hot girls from here don't put out as well. Fucking dead fish. Is that true? Every guy will tell you. Oh my God, this girl's going to go back with me to my room and then she's like, and especially

like not always, but a lot of times the girls that I would describe as leading with sex, like they put this aura of like, I'm very sexual, and then you get to the magic moment and you're like, this was boring. Really? They don't. I mean, I don't know. It's been 20 fucking years for me. But hold on.

Do they put out though? Like, do they let you fuck them? It's like a cold lay. You know what I mean? It's funny because it'll be the most beautiful girl, not always, I'm speaking in general, but will be more self-conscious, and then you're like, what are you doing, right? And then the girl who's not perfect is like, let loose, free. Yeah, she got nothing to lose.

Right? I mean, I don't know. You guys are active. Yeah. I've noticed what you're describing. Yeah, man. If she's super hot. Yeah, it's like she's never had to try it, so she doesn't even know what the fuck to

do in the first place. There you go. Wow. And that's who, by the way. Don't compliment that bitch. That's who Jacob, that's who Jacob is fucking. Jacob. And is the actor.

Oh, right. The euphoria actor is fucking that girl that he just described, who's like, I'm perfect. I'm staying in real life. And then she's just like. Well, that's why he needs to bang me, the middle-aged mom. I see what you're saying now. Now I'm on board with your logic. Sorry.

He needs a mom to fuck her. That's true, because I don't give a fuck about, like, I'm not worried about how I look. Once I'm there, I'm saying. Yeah. You know. Yeah, you shouldn't. Yeah, it's different. We've got to get this guy on the show and see what you guys think.

I would love to. Huge fan of euphoria, guys. But do you know who I'm obsessed with, actually, is the trans character Jules. He's a boy who transitioned to a girl. And it's cool because they didn't do it so, like, heavy-handed, woke crap. It's like she's just a real person, and you get to learn about her story. I could fucking fall for this one. Yeah, she's gorgeous, right?

She's rad, and she's got a great personality. And I really like her, and she's in love with Zendaya, who's amazing, too. It's a good show. You got to get into it. It's super dark. I could fucking fall for this. See, that's how they. Damn it.

What's so cool in the 40-year-olds is that all these hot, young people fucking and doing drugs. I am going on a euphoria binge this weekend. It's so good. See, right there? Yeah, she's gorgeous. I'd be like, what's up? How you doing?

Yeah, she's really cool. Oh, you're f***ing cool. I'm going to have a f*** too. We have to cut so much out of this. We have to cut so much out. What? I don't know. Okay.

I think, so she's a model, too, in real life, Jules. Really? Yeah. God. She's really cool. I'm really obsessed with Jules. I love how good some of the trans people are looking post, where you're like, oh, like I feel like sometimes you're like, I have no idea.

Yeah. I have no idea. You're lucky, man. If you can get to the, I have no idea. Yeah. Oh, she has the best outfits and the best looks, too. I love Jules. Yeah.

They're having fun on this show, too. It's not like those squeaky clean teen shows where they just hold hands and bullshit. These kids have fun. Well, yeah. You said there's dicks in the show, and that's a really good sign. Well, episode three of season one, I think, there's 35 dicks. Really? Yeah.

They counted. 35 dicks in one episode? Well, because they talk about dick pics, and there's like a scene where they discuss dick pics and what's an acceptable dick pic. Just send me that episode. It's so good. That's all I want to see. It's so funny.

Yeah. Tinti is such a good actor. Anyway, check it out. Try it out. I'm so obsessed with you. If you want to see hot teenagers and feel guilty about how hot they are, what is going to happen to Victoria's secret? What's the brand now?

I can't even imagine. First it was smart chicks. Boo. Nobody wants to see smart chicks. That's the worst is when they're like, there's a model who's also got a medical degree. I don't care. I don't give a fuck. I don't care.

Yeah. I fucking don't care. What's her name? Blossom. Myambolic. Oh, yeah, yeah. I saw an interview with her, and she's like, I have a PhD, and I was going to teach physics, and then I got cast on the Big Bang 3.

Here's what gets me is people like that that have amazing things happen always go, I didn't even want it to happen. Yeah. Oh, really? Hold on. You didn't intentionally go out on the audition, so you didn't make that happen. You did want it to happen. You auditioned for the show.

She's changing the way people think about nerds and geeks. Oh, fuck off. Who cares? Nobody cares. You fucking dork. I know. I know. Do you see this, by the way?

I just hate when people don't assume responsibility for their wants, needs, and desires. Just say it. I want it to be on television again. I got lucky. I got cast in this thing. I know I don't have to teach physics. Yeah. I don't have to use my fucking brain.

I can play make believe. I'm just thrilled. Yeah. I'm making millions of dollars on a stupid sitcom. Yeah. It's great. That was your come face right there. God, that was good.

Okay. It's so weird. Her boobies, do you think her titties are real? I fucking hope so. She could. Those could be real because she's. Is that unethical? What?

If you're a surgeon to. Give somebody with Down syndrome big fakers? Yeah. I don't know. I mean, how do we consent? How does she consent? Does she need to have her parents consent? I guess not.

It's like. She's 24. She can do it if she wants to. It feels weird. The doctor really wants us to move on. He keeps highlighting other topics that we should discuss. Yeah. Jesus.

Yeah. All right. God. Check this out. This is kind of funny. All right. I brought in one of my good friends, very, very funny comedians. Thank you for coming by me.

Yeah, of course. You know, it's always cool to meet comedians. And like, you recognize me? Yeah. You're a good looking guy. You're successful. You get to have some success and like somebody knows it or whatever. And you're like, okay, you know, yeah, I did something well.

Yeah. You're actually a pretty natural, classic archetype comedy dynamic. Right. It's wacky guy, straight guy, basically, you know? Yeah. Because you have like, you'll always kind of surprise me with like your references to like anything. I'm like, this dude has deep knowledge about things I don't expect.

Dude, I just have a big dick. I identify with what you're saying a hundred percent. I feel the same as you. I feel like a lot of people will be like, no way. I know. It's very strange. And that's the thing is when you have a like a small dick, then you look at what an extreme version of it is and you're like, that seems pretty awful.

It's really, really sad. That's why it's so great to meet lesbians. They don't care and they're not, yeah, wowed by it. They're not influenced by it. They don't have any interest in it. Right. You know what? This is a perfect time to segue.

Okay. There's so it goes on and on. Let me give the proper credit here. I uploaded to YouTube at Joke World. That's who did it at Joke World. And the world is WRLD. He cut this for over like four minutes. I love it.

And he really overlapped your reactions to like, mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. It's so good. Yeah. It always amazes me because the amount of time it must take to do this. Right. This is like a real undertaking.

Yeah. It's like those phony phone calls we get. Yeah. They're like, how the fuck? It takes hours, huh? Oh my God. Speaking of phone calls, that thing that I showed you, remember that, that Sean recorded? Are you writing a throw up?

Oh yeah. I'm not going to throw up. It was amazing. I'm going to, I have part of it recorded. We're going to put it on a, on a vlog sooner or upload it to, to my Instagram. But it's, it's crazy. I got a phone call from a guy who like in the mall, I thought I never answered the phone. I went on a number and I just answered and he was like, what's up, Moe?

And I was like, this is not Moe. And he was like, come on, dude. And I'm like, yeah, it's not. He goes, oh yeah. What are you calling yourself? And we talked for like six, seven minutes. What? And he would not believe that I was not who he thought I was.

Oh my gosh. And he was like, I just got a jail. And he's like, I'm sorry for everything that I did before. It went on and on. And I was, and then I was like entertaining it. I was like, oh yeah. Yeah. He's like, there you are.

See, I knew you. He's like, what are you getting into these days? And at the whole end of this conversation, I was like, yeah, I'm not the guy you think I am. He goes, what? He goes, you said you were, I go after you kept saying that you, like you didn't believe me. Cause I kept denying that I was the guy he thought I was. You have this recorded? I have it, I have a lot of it recorded.

Oh, I want to hear this. I'll play it for you. It was absolutely incredible that this guy. So fun. Was so committed. You know, I miss prank calls. I know. I used to be a really, that was a really good art form in my junior high.

Jerky boys? High school. Yeah, it was an art form. They were great. To do great prank calls. And I would have conversations with strangers all the time. Yeah. Those guys were really funny.

Yeah. I remember like chat roulette when that first came out too. Yeah. That devolved quickly into just dicks. Just dicks. The guy was just jerking off. Yeah. Purpose ruined everything.

Yeah. Snapchat too. That's just dicks, right? Yeah. It's just a way to get dicks on the internet. I don't know. To kid Snapchat anymore? I'm not on Snapchat, but I think that's just how you send nudes to each other, right?

Yeah. Everything devolves into it. Yeah. Dicks. Any noses. It's just dicks and tits. Dicks and tits? That's it.

And then they go away. Yeah. And then they go, well, I mean, you can save them, but yeah, they go away. That's the whole point. That's the whole point. Yeah. I don't want to use that in Instagram, but like, I don't want to use that shit. Vanish mode.

What's that? Tell me how that works. A vanish mode in Instagram. If you're in a DM, you can like, if you swipe up and hold it, it goes into vanish mode, and that's basically like Snapchat. So when you send something and then you get out of it, it'll unsend it. Ah. You can do that.

But no one uses it though. Every time you're in it, you're like, what the fuck is this? I didn't mean to get in here. So it's Snapchat. It's Snapchat. He's like, I didn't mean to get in here. Yeah. Whoops.

But now that we're in here, maybe you should send something. Yeah. I mean, shit. Prove it. Prove it, bitch. A lot of feedback on prove it, just so you know, Eddie. Yeah. A lot of emails I've been reading that prove it has been working for the guys out there.

Hey, where'd it go, Eddie? Yeah. I mean, I'm almost, I'm like almost mad every time I keep getting messages now. It's like, yeah, I know. I know it fucking works. Man, I'm gonna fucking, I started this shit. Yeah, I know it works. I do this shit all day.

I've been testing my theory for years. Yeah, sir. It is. It's not even my method. He's like, I'm studying. Yeah. He's like, I perfected this. I love that.

It's just like a surprise. Very proud. Wow, something you said works. Wow. Fuck you, man. Of course it fucking works. Well, it's like it was, it was supposed to be like, you know, can you give somebody, it's like basically saying, give me a pickup line or like a riddle.

And they're just surprised that you gave them a two word instruction. Yeah. They're like, oh. Yeah. So they're actually, they're actually celebrating, you know. Yeah. They're celebrating. But then he takes it, he's like, yeah, I fucking told you.

That's why I told you that line, bitch. Yeah. I get it. He's like, I fucking know how to do this. Yeah. It's like to be offended, you know. Yeah. No, I understand.

I get it, dude. He's like, I fucking told you guys this. Stupid bitch. Bitch. Okay. I'm not gonna say the next part. Jesus Christ. You're really on fire today.

You know that? Listen, we could all be speaking Russian by next week. I'm just enjoying my last few moments of freedom. Yeah. Freedom. America. Yeah. Freedom of speech.

Do you think in Ukraine right now, they're like, guys, we're gonna have kindergarteners sign an anti-racism pledge. We're asking them what their pronouns are in kindergarten. What do you prefer? Here's what's important. Yeah. Yeah. I like women's rights too.

That's my favorite. Women's rights? Well, no, like in America, we bitch about no equality. I'm like, it's pretty good compared to the rest. Not perfect, but pretty fucking good, guys. We're getting there. It is pretty solid here. We're getting there.

Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah. I think we hit all our balls today. Well, let me tell you, the one good thing about this stuff with Poutine is that, and the one good thing about the Cold War growing up is that people were so against the Russians, the Americans, that we really had a sense of what it meant to be free, and we guarded our freedom, and I hope this hopefully reenergizes our belief in the American democracy, democracy

and freedom. Yep. Quit whining about shit, bitches. There you go. We don't want to go the Rusky route. No fucking way, dude. No way. No knucklehead sandwiches.

This is bothering me. All right. Well, I think we should wrap up. Let's wrap it. We are both on the road, and we're touring, and we're doing stand-up comedy, and there's dates all over the nation. Jean, where are you going to be? Well, I am going out on a limited availability because I watch our baby jeans, so you can't,

if you want to see me, you got to come out, yo. April 1st and 2nd, Charlotte, sorry, North Carolina at the Comedy Zone. I do stateside the Paramount Theater here in Austin, Tejas, April 13th. LA, one night only at the Regent Theater as part of the Netflix as a joke comedy festival. Yeah. Mini-Apple Tits, May 6th and 7th. June, you're playing the best club. Yo, I'm stoked.

And then Irvine Sperm Vine, California, May 20th and 21st, Atlantic City. Right? That's in Juneurzies. What's that called? Borgata. Yeah. North, June 5th. Boston Massive Huge Tits at the Wilbur, Hilarities in Cleveland in August.

And then Gashville at Zanies in October. Christina P., online.com for tickets. Get them now, homies. Right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now. I have announced a bunch of new dates. They're on sale. Go to TomSquare.com slash tour and just take a look.

It's a big ass tour. I'm going all over the place. Just check that site and we are constantly adding dates. So if you haven't, I get asked about certain cities. Believe me, it's coming. It's coming. It's coming. And I'm coming.

And yes, thank you very much. Please come see us to stand up. Thank you guys for watching and listening. Hope you had a good time today. Our closing song is by Caramel Elephant. It's called Annie's Hot Saucey Ass. Oh. I love, I love hot sauce.

Annie knows what I'm talking about. Right? Hot sauce is the best. Hot sauce is the best. What's crazy is I didn't even know that it was weird until I said it here. Hot sauce is the best. What about either like a mixed fruit bowl, salad, or sauteed, you know, consas, beans.

Oh boy. It's good. Fruits are good. Then I'll eat the consas. It is legitimately the best. Annie, your dookie shoot is on its own schedule. How often are you sitting on a toilet and making a regular brown bowel movement? Possibly zero.

Do you think a diet is going to do a bit as well? No. I'm very good at that. What did you eat yesterday? Hot sauce. What was dinner? Hot sauce. No one's saying he has a winning diet.

I mean, I like. Oh, Yucatucca. Yes. Yucatucca. Hot sauce is just fucking hot diarrhea out of the ass. Do these all give you diarrhea? Yeah. Oh my God.

Is there blood in there? Yeah. It goes like this. I was having like a nice weekend and then I hit flush. I love that feeling. But man, I fucking love the taste. Annie, do you love the taste? Annie, I really ate this.

How sauce is the best? My mouth's watering. It is legitimately the best. Hi. Thank you for watching that episode of your mom's house. I really appreciate it. If you want to see more, you can click on any of these videos in this general area. And also if you haven't subscribed, please do.

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