Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 657 - Wheeler Walker, Jr. - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: May 25, 2022

It's time to pull up those mom jeans with Tom Segura and Christina P! They discuss how important it is to look nice while you're on stage, a cool way to look for women on TikTok, and how Christina got stuck in an elevator! Tom gives the play by play how he J'd his D on his most recent flight and Christina the #MessyChamp reveals a disgusting hotel tip!Then we welcome back the best country music legend of all time: Wheeler Walker Jr! They talk about Garth Brooks, the corrupt music industry, and Wheeler announces he has beef with Bert Kreischer! ChrisJeansa propositions Natasha Leone to be her new celebrity friend, we should Wheeler some of the best clips of the late Kevin Samuels, and they run him through Christina's latest TikTok curations. Get Wheeler's new album "Sex Drugs and Country Music" and on all streaming platforms!

All right. I told you the I'm coming everywhere world tour was actually going to take place at places all over the world. And I didn't lie. I'm coming to Australia and New Zealand. The pre-sale starts Wednesday, May 25th at noon local time. The pre-sale code word is Tommy. T O M M Y. General on sale starts the next day, Thursday, the 26th at noon local time. Go to Tom's girl.com slash tour for tickets. Now he's a big fucking star again. You want to play that game? You can play that game. Props to Blake Shelton. He's cashing in, but that's not the game I want to fucking play. It's all insider fucking shit. So you want real shit? Listen to Wheeler. You want corporate

dog shit? Blake Shelton's your guy. Props to Blake. Welcome to your mom's house. And action. Act. We are back. Welcome to another episode of your mom's house. It's Jesus, Chris, James, the P. I'm Tom. You, um, you apologized, I think, as you should have last week to your fans. I'm so devastated that, that touched my camera through the fence, didn't make it as the official title of my special. It's a disappointment, but mom jeans is out now

on Netflix. Yeah. It's, you know, it's a second best title. Raver views. People love your special. They love it. And I've got the official, uh, merch out too. If you want to check that out on our website, you could say in a lot of ways that your special got the stamp on its forehead. You know, so that's pretty cool. Yeah. Tromo stamp. Yeah. Yeah. There it is. There's all my cool stuff. I got some non gender conforming infant one pieces. You guys want those? I got some sweat bands, some cool ass teas. I got all kinds of shit on there, dude. So rad.

You should get it. Get it. Get that. Don't be stingy. Don't be stingy, Mark. Yeah. Um, so yeah, there you go. And then I've got something else coming out. Um, Amy Schumer's parental advisory and on, uh, Netflix in June, you did another set on Netflix. That's right. And this outfit's even more expensive than the last. You're staying on the platform as they say, um, more expensive. Yeah. So the, the first one I invoiced Netflix was like, we've never spent this much. And I was like, wait until you see what I wear on Amy Schumer show. This one had feathers, ostrich feathers that had to be died and individually placed. I swear to God, it's a fucking fortune. How much was it? We'll bleep it. You really

want to know? Yeah, I do want to know. What? Well, think about it though, but think about it. Wait, you're serious? Yeah. It's Gucci. It was Gucci. It's a one of a kind. They paid that or did we pay that? No, they paid it. Well, because my special is doing so well, mom jeans is like a hit. So they're like, what did they say about this bill? They didn't say anything? I don't know. Seth has to tell me. I don't know. I don't know. I don't care. I don't care. Look, ostrich feathers dyed bright color. I don't want to tell the color. And then the pants were Gucci as well. And I had them perfectly tailored. And then the shoes were designer. You know what? You just gave me a challenge. You gave me a challenge.

What are you going to do? I'm going to try to find the most expensive outfit I can find for my special. I think you should, sir. And I'm going to fight tooth and nail. I'll be like, no, it has to be this. This is $75,000. So I'm a star. Yeah, pay for it. I'm a star. And let me tell you something. It looks damn good. It does look damn good. And people, they love the glamour and I'm bringing glamour back to stand up comedy. I'm bringing glamour. We should bring glamour back. Glamour. Yeah, we're fucking star comedians. There you go. I don't want to look like the woman next door. No, I want to pay to see the broad next door. Let's see it. Let's see it, Netflix. How big a load I'm going to swallow. That's going to be good.

That is an astonishing amount of money for. For seven minutes of stand up on. I mean, I'm fucking floored and they approved. Yeah. Or you said you don't know. Well, I initially I got a budget. Okay. And they know that my budget's a little higher than the average dude comic. For sure. With mom jeans, they knew when I was capable. Plus, don't forget, I have a hair and makeup team. I have everything. So they knew. So I did get a nice budget. Okay. This is insane. Well, let me let me ask you this. Let me ask you this. Can you kick my ass? Go ahead. Here's the deal. Here's the deal, man. Okay. All these comics on the platform are usually, let's face it, unattractive dudes. Yeah. So they don't even try. They don't even try. You guys,

listen, men are very limited in their fashion. I'm very. I try to tell now. And I mean, I took me a while to put it together, too. But I try to tell young comics that are going to record or shoot something for the first time. I'm like, dude, spend the money on at least something nice. Yeah, it's going to be up there for a long time. That's what you want to look at. It lasts forever on that platform. And if you look, listen, I've done enough stuff on television where I've looked like shit. And then you watch yourself and you're like, fuck, why did I wear that? Why I look like an asshole? Yeah. And I never trust. The main thing is you should try. Try. Always try. Yeah. Don't look like a piece of shit. Yeah. You know why too? Another thing is people invest their time in you.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And they want to look at something nice. Yes. I'm an entertainer, god damn it. I remember when I used to stand up just locally. This is like years before shooting anything where I was like really embracing looking shitty. Yeah. This shirt has a hole in it. I'll wear this. And one of my friends was like, you know, people are looking up at you on the stage. Yeah. Like you should try to look nicer than them. Yeah. You know, so that they enjoy looking at you. You don't have to go that far with it, but you know, you should try to look decent. You're performing. You know, and for so long, I thought because I was a, I'm a woman in this business and that if I played up my looks that I wouldn't be respected for what I was saying. So you're

pushed out against it. Well, so for so many years I dressed down because I wanted to be respected for my mind and then I realized I don't give a fuck. Yeah. No one, no one cares. No one cares about you. Yeah. In general. And so what if I had played up my looks and I could still have talent? I don't know. Yeah. I don't care. Yeah. Now I don't, I just don't give a shit. I'm bored. I'm middle age. I'm going to die. One day I'm going to die and who gives a fuck? You don't like me? Suck my tits, you know? Yeah. And in the meantime, here's something nice to look at. Yeah. Expensive outfit. Yeah. Looks good. Looks good. Hey. Oh. All right. Well, you want to start the show? Let's start the show. I'm ready. Here we go.

My name is Thomas Myron. I'm 41 and I'm looking for a woman who will be my hun. I'm looking for a woman I can love all my life. A woman who will agree to be my wife. Who? This shit is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Your mom in the fucking stand. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Meow meow meow. With Tom Segura. Talk to us soon. And Christina Pajitsi. Christina Pajitsi. Welcome to your mom's house. Meow meow meow. That is yours? Yeah. They look cool.

Yeah. It's a good look. It's not bad, actually. It's not bad. Yeah. I like that guy. I think it's a kind of interesting angle. A lot of times guys who say I'm looking for someone just like stare at the camera, at least put like some music. You know, he wrote a song. Yeah. A short song. Yeah. When I goes this way, when I goes that way, I like watch him. Yeah. But you know, he's putting it out there. Yeah. I found this dude and I was charmed by him. I was taken with him. Yeah. I like that he put that effort into it. You never know. He probably found his lady from that. I don't know. I like to have a lady and he's not gross, right? He's not like sit on my face. Oh, right, right. A lot of like grass. Yeah, yeah. I'm looking for a woman I can love all my life.

Yeah. He's looking for a woman. So that's nice. That's nice. He's like not underaged girls. Right. And he's not like I'm looking for pussy right now. Yeah. It's respectful. It's got a nice cadence. Yeah. A woman who will agree to be my wife. He wants a wife. He wants a wife. Commitment. He's looking for love. He's looking for real deal. Yeah. Yeah. I admire it. Could have been worse. Could have been worse. That's about what my review for this video is. Could have been a lot worse. Okay. Could have been worse. Yeah. I don't want to look at him though. See your tits. Yeah. Yeah. What would your raps be? Something like that. I'm gonna lay down here and watch you piss. Oh, that's nice. Break. Where that's from? No. No. Lambda, lambda,

lambda and omega moves. Red to the nerds. Red to the nerds. Yes. Which reminds me though, I don't think we've talked about on the show that not long ago you were stuck in an elevator. Yeah. Yeah. And was that terrified? It's wild. Or no. So here's the deal, man. First of all, it's a dental update. So let's, I think, can we, may I start with a dental update? Sure. The dental update rolls into this. It's kind of a neat thing. That's a very interesting way to put it. Yeah. This music is so captivating. Yeah. We haven't done these in a while. I know. Okay. So here's what happened. Tell me what happened. Yeah. As you know, I haven't had many dental updates because I get my teeth cleaned every six months like clockwork. Even during the

Pandy, I got my teeth cleaned. So I take care of my chompers. There are no cavities involved. Nice. So I went to get my cleaning and the lady goes, I mean, I get rave reviews. She's like, you clearly use an electric toothbrush. And I was like, I do. Thank you for noticing. And she's like, you clearly use flossers. Thank you. Yes. And she's like, great work, great work. No blood, they're cleaning. And then the dentist, I thought was lying to me because six months prior, she goes, oh, I took your x-rays, you've got a crack tooth in the back, it's going to need a new crown. And I was like, fuck out of here, lady. I know you're trying to scam me. This ain't my first rodeo. Yeah, you fucking bitch. You see me, you see my million dollar outfits on Netflix. I know you

bitch. So I ignore her. Yeah. Well, I came back and she's like, okay, so do you want to see the crack? And I was like, yeah, okay, show me this crack. Yo, it's a legit crack in the back, back, back molar. And the cat, the filling that I've had for like 20 years is now eroding. So it's starting to form a nice cavity. So you're going to get a crown put on it, hopefully before it turns into a root canal and crown. So I'm going to get that done, actually, well, in a few days. And then a crown, which sucks, dude, because we're always traveling. You know how that should never fit? Like they put it in and you're like, dude, I can't fucking close my teeth. Like, and then I'm gonna have to go back and it's going to be a whole thing. So that's my dental update. And then

I get into the elevator. It's only, I go from the second floor to the first floor. And it was, there was a storm that day. Oh yeah. And they're big old storms here in Texas. That's right, Tom. So I get in the elevator and I hear thunder. I mean, cabal. Right. And then I was like, oh, that's weird. And I thought, that's fine. I'm not moving anymore. I'm not moving anymore. And I was like, okay, I'll push the button. Ding, ding, ding. Nothing happens. And so I hit the emergency button. And of course, it's a Southern lady. She's like, hello. And I'm like, I'm stuck in an elevator. Okay, well, I'll call emergency services. Y'all just think, can you push all the buttons? I was like, yeah, bitch. Yeah, of course, I fucking pushed all

the buttons, you stupid whore. Can you push the open button? Yeah, you think I didn't fucking try that stupid? I didn't try the open button. I tried to keep it closed button. And she's like, I'll call emergency services. I always have that panic thought whenever I get an elevator in a hotel and I really have to piss or shit. Oh, yeah. I'm like, this stops right now. Yeah. I'm shitting in this elevator. Yeah. And that's what I had to do. I had to go pee pee. And I mistakenly thought I could hold it because I was going somewhere else after. So of course, I got to take a piss. That's like the worst part. But I was alone. Thank God. It could have been way worse or could have been with someone or taught. Yeah, talking to somebody or some guy who

you don't suspect is like, I got to shit real bad. And I got about 30 seconds. This doesn't open. Oh, Mike, imagine what would happen is the guy would shit and then everyone would puke, you know, and then you would want to not puke, but you'd see and smell all the puking and you start puking. Yeah, because what if you had to shit? Oh, my God, would you just shit in the elevator? I don't know. I mean, I think you shut it down as hard as you could. And then there's a breaking point. Yeah, you'd get diarrhea. Like I had it where you get on an elevator and you're like, you know, you're like, if this thing stops right now, I'm screwed because I just had Zanku chicken when I was in California and I ate it and I diarrheaed within minutes.

Minutes. So I was like, that would not hold in an elevator. That's why they make Zanku chicken. It's to cleanse cleanse cleanse your your GI tract. That's why it's so healthy. So I do have a minute of panic, right? Where I'm like, oh, shit, dude, I could be stuck in here forever. And this is the south. Everything moves at a fucking glacial pace because she calls me and then finally I'm like, okay. And then the and then another guy calls me goes, well, I'm gonna call the maintenance guy. I'm like, you're not the maintenance guy. Let's go, dude. Yeah. So finally, so I decided to go on Instagram live because I'm so bored. And I know I'm not going to die in there. I just thought it'd be funny. And luckily you're on the first floor. Yeah, I had made it different

than like if your elevator stuck on 60 or something. Oh my God, how are you like, um, I didn't but I didn't know how far I'd gone down. I didn't know if I was on two or one. And anyway, I you can see it. It's on my profile what happens to me the whole time. I try to pry the door open with a toothbrush they gave me that door. Oh, okay. You want to try it? Here I am. I've seen that before in movies, right? Because if I'm stuck in between floors, then I can pry the door. That didn't work. It's moving. It is moving. And so it opened like an inch. And then I got my fingers stuck in it and the door slammed on my fingers.

Oh, no, that's not working. Now I need like a crowbar to crowbar this shit open. You go you go through all kinds of see it. Oh, oh, oh, it's budging. I thought I could put my boot in there. And then they tell you we're calling what? Okay, so then finally after the third call, you know how fucking are worded and then finally they go, well, we can have somebody pry open the doors. We can call the fire department. We don't normally do that anymore, but we can. I was like, yeah, dude, call the fire department. And then you're like, firemen are coming. Exactly. And

you're like, you started to brush your hair. Yeah, these are going to be some cuties. Well, because every time we've called the fire department, they show up and they're hotties and I want to look good. I look like shit the beginning video by the end. I look really nice. You started to I started to doll up. You put lipstick. I put lipstick on. I put on my rouge. I look nice when the guy comes. And I got rescue use a cube, use a cutie. Yeah. And you're like, oh, hey, you're cute. Yeah. Yeah. And you're like, why don't we try to get back in this elevator to see if it gets stuck again? Would you have done that? No. What if you get stuck in the elevator with like, you know, hottie and you're on the 80th floor and you're going to die? Yeah. And then

do I have permission to have sex with a dude? If I'm going to die, would you be mad? No. Go for it. Don't lie. Go for it. I mean, what are they going to do? They're like, well, we found these bodies parts. It looks like, I don't know. Kind of looks like his dick was stuck in her when they died. I mean, what am I going to do? I'm not going to tell the boys. No. Hey, your whore mom died today. But you wouldn't be upset that the last thing on earth I did was have sex with another man. Listen, I give you permission. Wow. Well, I don't give you permission. You can Jay or D to hurt. Oh my God. Stand in the corner of the elevator and jack off.

Yeah, you're not going to get arrested because you're going to die. Yeah, I know. It's being of Jane or D. Oh, yeah, this is pretty cool. Your story was cool. My story is way cool. I know. What the fuck, dude? What have you been up to? I was on a flight and I don't know. Flights always give me boners. Like they always give me boners, okay? I always get worked up on flights. I don't know what it is. It's been like this for years. Is it the excitement, the adrenaline of flight? I don't know what it is, but I'm sitting there. I'm on the flight and I'm fully aroused and I'm like, man, I just go like, I've tried before and I always go like, like, you know, I'm in the bathroom. You've tried in public, like on a commercial flight to Jay or

D? Yeah. In your seat or in the bathroom? Well, I don't know. In the bathroom. Yeah, it's a bit of smelly in there usually. Yeah, and it's just like, I don't know, you just kind of like someone checks the door and you're like, yeah, you got to get in your head in a moment. This time. I went back there, cranked one out. Now, hold on. Was there anyone else on the plane with you? Yeah. Did you tell them I'm going to go crank one out? No. And did you tell them after? Yeah. And what was their reaction? What the fuck, man? Was it a lot of people, a lot of dudes? Not a lot. Okay. So let's talk logistics here. Okay. So a lot of people have not been on a private jet. Could you describe the bathroom sitch on a private jet?

This one was, you know, comfortable. It wasn't enormous, but it was a comfortable space. So but they're not dissimilar from commercial? A little dissimilar in that it is a little more comfortable. There's a window so you can look out the clouds as you're jacking off. You're like, huh. Oh, there's a mountain. Oh, there's another plane. Like that. Yeah. And so you sat on the toilet. No, I stood up. You can stand in J or D? Yeah. And what did you finish into? The toilet. You jade into the toilet on top of your brown? No, I didn't brown. Oh, okay. As you say, that was really gnarly. Yeah. Did you pee first? No. You just went in there to J or D? Yeah, that was the whole mission. And then you I got up and walked to the back was like,

I'm going to try this right now. Wow, you must have been really keyed up. I was keyed up, really keyed up. And by the way, I was elated afterwards. I was like relieved and happy. I bet. Very cool. I bet. That's cool. So is this going to be part of your repertoire? I don't think so. I think it was kind of like just an experience. Like urgent. It was urgent. Yeah, I was backed up, you know? Yeah, no, we we've been apart for a minute and we were sick and yeah, I was just like, I got to do this. It was a while ago though. It was a while ago. Yeah, it's neat. I saw it on a vlog. Yeah, it was a while ago. A second of it. You're like, hey, jade my D on this front and this fly. I was like, yeah, you hit me. You were like, what? What was that? I was like, what? You

know, that's life. I don't know what to tell you. That's life. I think Rob Eiler jade his D on a commercial flight. He talked about it once on the pajama pants. It's definitely more intense. Because there's, you know, it's potentially somebody opening the door. Yeah. Yeah. And they can force open it. You know, they can. Well, they can. Any any commercial bathroom on a flight could be opened. I didn't know that. Sure. How did you find that out? You see the flight attendants unlock it every time when a flight starts, you know, they'll lock it and then they'll unlock it. Yeah. So like, you know, jiggles and like, that's probably a rush for some people. Like, that's what they're into. That's what the whole fun is. Yeah. But to me, that's not an assist.

Yeah. You know, yeah. No, I don't, I wouldn't want to masturbate under the gun. Yeah. Someone's like, are you going to come? And you're like, I'm just, I'm trying. Hurry up. Come. Come on, man. I got to come too. Come on. But I imagine that is that bathroom. Sweating like a like a black man. You know. Yeah, I know, Tom. Yeah, I imagine. That's so cool. What a neat thing. We both had real fun experiences. Cool, fun stories. I discovered a new hotel trick, by the way. I went to Los Angeles to do shows and stuff. And I don't know, do you do this when you have hotel bed? Do you eat on your hotel bed? Like, I usually get two beds, one eating bed and then one sleeping bed. I'm not, I'm not a

big eater in. In bed? In hotels, period. Yeah. What do you eat your meals? Oh, you mean if I get room service? Yeah. No, I go to the table, the room service table. Because I. Yeah. I'm checking something. Is that okay? What? I'm just waiting for you to be done checking. I'm done checking. Okay, so I usually get two beds, like I said, an eating bed and a sleeping bed. But this hotel only gave me one bed. And for years, I would just eat the room service or whatever postmates, like where I sleep, and then just let the flavors and the juices fall into my bed. And then I would just sleep. You, I mean. On the smells? It was horrible. I gotta tell you, some, I don't, I prefer you to keep this to yourself. This is so revolting. What is wrong with you? How did you eat that in bed?

Because I wasn't raised like a person. I'm telling you, I was raised like a savage. I did not have a good upbringing, Tom. Do you notice that? Yeah. No one told me it was not okay. So, but I've come up with an excellent solution. So I ordered Korean food, which you know is my jam in LA. From a real fucking gnarly hole in the wall. Yeah. Like the kind where they put a newspaper at the bottom of the bags that the juices don't split, you know, squirt out. Do you have the picture? I got it, yeah. So I finally figured out, I have a Pijitzki effect of I don't need to just eat the food in my bed. I can put a towel down. Yeah. And then put all my dirty Korean treats on top of it. It's not authentic. Cool magazine there, too. Well, that's what they gave me. It's like a Spanish Rihanna.

That's so LA. When I was in San Francisco with you and the boys a few weeks ago, you ordered dim sum every morning for breakfast. I love my Asian flavors. Yeah. I need flavor. I need flavor. This COVID, you know, 19 virus knocked out like half my taste buds. So I really can't taste American food. I need flavor. Oh, you got it. By the way, I also found that I had the video of you getting rescued. I hear something. I hear something. Look at you. You got your glasses on. Your hair is all. I was Instagram live. No, no, this is not how the video started. I hear it. They're prying me open. Oh, fireman. The fireman. Here. You can do it. It's so tough.

You know, I should stand up. I'm getting rescued. Oh, yeah. Hi. Hi. See, he's cute. Your name's Mason. Nice to meet you. He's cute. He's cute. I was right. Hi. Thank you for rescuing me. Oh, you bet. Oh, my gosh. Mason. You guys can do it. Sorry. I'm on Instagram live. I just thought I was born. Hi. Thank you so much. Are you a firefighter? No, I'm with Elevator Company. Yeah. On your way to death, you guys can do it. That's cool. Okay. I don't really like normal white guys. Okay. Well, let's say they sent up like this really cool Dominican guy. It was like, that would have been rad. He's like, I'm on me at risk. I think we're going to die in this area. And you're like, all right, just throw it in. He's like, yeah, okay. Yeah.

No, I mean, like Mason is objectively cute. But in reality, not my jam. I know. You want to go to... I like the DR. The dirty drug dealer with the dreads and the tats. Yeah. Oh, this is new. Or the DR guy. Yeah. Dirty fucking DR guy. Yeah. It'd be great. Yeah. That's so funny. I almost dated a guy, the dirty DR guy. Really? Right after road rules. There was one swimming in my yard, like swimming hard court, hard putting on the hard moves. And I was like, I don't know, dude, like, I'm not into players, you know, like, he was totally a player. Yeah. But I was like, yeah, I'm indeed, dude. Yeah. Well, on the elevator, you don't have to worry about that because you're going to die pretty quickly, you know? Yeah. There's no commitment. Is that a porno? I heard

that's a porno thing to be stuck in an elevator. I'm sure. Yeah. Let me go ahead and think about, yeah, that probably exists. Yeah. Being stuck anywhere is a porno thing. That'd be cool. The last Dominican guy on earth. Yeah. That's the name of the porno? Yeah. Or your fantasy? My last minute's on earth. Honestly, I don't know if I spend them fucking. Like, I'm not sure. Yeah, I think it's more of a fantasy in people's mind, but in reality, you're like, I'm going to die. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I'd really do that. Most people are probably not that horny in that situation, but some probably are. Well, I remember when 9-11 happened, remember that people said they felt really horny. Yeah.

And I too felt horny, but I didn't bang my boyfriend at the time because we were on the outs, but I too felt that urge. That day? Yeah. I don't remember. It was like so traumatic when we were stimulating. I remember. Yeah. I think because I was in one of the cities, I did not feel horny at all. I cried a lot. Oh, you cried? I was in D.C. Yeah. I was a real puss. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. God, I didn't cry. What's there to cry about? Yeah. Who's that? That's you. Is that my DR guy? Yeah. I told you, I did it bang because my boyfriend at the time and I, we were on the outs. Yeah, you mentioned that. And we weren't actually having intercourse that much, I think, at that point. Yeah. So. Trying to think. And like, he was weird. He wouldn't

have fucked. He would have been like, what? You're so messed up. Yeah. He wouldn't let me, probably. But I think that I fucked. I probably fucked like two weeks later. You'd grieved enough? Yeah. I went out and then it was like, it's like being in a war zone where like you saw the sunshine again. Yeah. So you're like, you know. Like spring time. Yeah. Exactly. Well, how did you fuck? Did you find, did you pick up chicks in bars? Like? I did. I did a couple of times. How did you do it? What was your? I was introduced to somebody at a bar, but it was at a bar. You're cute. You are such a handsome 20-some. Man, I snapped you up just in time. You're the one. You were really adorable. You know, I kind of, you were very

confident for your age and also like, but still like a puppy, you know, like still clumsy and kind of dopey, but very mature. Like it was very endearing. So quite the comfort. You got it. Slumsy, dopey. Yeah, like, Danny Brown. He was so funny last week on the show. God damn it. And my face hurt. No, you were like, you were very mature, but then still young. So you had that useful. I mean, I met you when I was 23. I know. And I was dating you at 25. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. Dude, bro, bro, I'm gonna be 46 this year. I know. It's fucking, it's too old for me. Is it time to move on? Are you breaking up with me? Well, I mean, are we talking second life? It's normal. This is part of life. Babe. This is part of life.

Okay. Who's your, let's talk about it. Because last time we've discussed this, I thought you'd go with the Dalmatian wife, the yoga instructor. Well, who are you gonna, who's the second wife? I don't know yet. I gotta go out there and meet people. What? How old is she going to be? Age appropriate. Well, then fuck off. Why are we divorcing? Just, I don't mean my age. I mean, appropriate. Oh, Jesus. So she's over 18, 18. Definitely over 18. Are you out of your mind? She might even be like 27, 28. That's so old. Could you imagine fucking an 18-year-old right now? I would fucking ruin that.

You would traumatize an 18-year-old. Yeah. Like think about putting your grown man skills on like a fucking 18-year-old. I'm not saying that I'm like some super skilled guy, but I'm a pig enough where she'd be like, what's happening? Yeah. That's why I love you. My high school boyfriend didn't do this. See, that's the best part is that high school boys don't do any of that. Of course. Although they might now because of pornography, they might know, but they're not doing it. They're not going to do it right.

Correctly. Yeah. Or with confidence, you know. Like I'll be like, trust me, this feels good. She would just leave there like kind of lost. I'm like, I forgot. I forgot my shoes. You would traumatize an 18-year-old. She wouldn't need therapy. Yeah. Because like when you think about, there's a reason you stay age-appropriate because you're at skill set level. Yeah, right. It's junior varsity, junior varsity, JB, JB, JB. And then you kind of grow into varsity. Sure. Yeah.

That's so fucking crazy. Well, I know. Because if I were, if I put myself in my 18-year-old self, you put me like a 40-year-old woman, same thing. I'd be like, what the fuck is happening? You know, those skills are something else. Well, on that note, let's take a quick break. Oh, let me tell you this. Let me tell you this. This show is sponsored by... I will be in Columbus this Sunday, the 29th. We added a show in Columbus. So get tickets to that, TomSugarra.com slash tour. Also, I've mentioned July 24th. I added a show at Ball Arena in Denver, Colorado. Again, TomSugarra.com slash tour.

Don't go to third-party sites. Don't pay the fucking scalper fucking price. Get the regular tickets. Thank you. I love you. All right. We are back and we are elated to welcome back our guest. The new album, Sex, Drugs, and Country Music is available now. It's Wheeler Walker, Jr. I love you guys. So happy to be back here. Thank you. Thank you for coming, man. Happy to visit you guys in Texas. This is cool, man. I was there from the... I remember you guys in a little, little dumpy studio and some in some back alley and fucking where was that? Redondo. Didn't you... Did he come to Redondo?

I think I did. I think I did go like our home. No, it was probably that office. Yes. I don't know. I wouldn't believe in something before that, but to see you guys build this fucking empire, see Danny Brown in the hall, like celebrities. It's like the old studio system. Yeah, yeah. Except instead of like, you know... Sony being in charge. Instead of like, you know, Wizard of Oz characters. It's like Danny Brown. It's Danny Brown. Yeah, yeah. No, it's pretty cool, man. I, by the way, just I was shooting this thing a couple of weeks ago. Oh, I didn't even talk about that. That's the thing.

Oh, yeah. But just, just during that conversation, I was talking to somebody on... They were like, you never listened to... You like country at all? And I was like, not really. And I go, well, I like real country. And they were like, like who? And I was like, Wheeler Walker, Jr. And they were like, who's that? And I pulled up on your videos and they were like, hold on, who's this motherfucker? I don't know who I am. Oh, well, clearly they didn't know a real country. Danny Brown knew the fuck I was. Of course Danny Brown knew who you were. No, but I'm happy to see you guys in this big giant... It's pretty cool. In this new studio. It's awesome. Yeah. It's a garth-sized.

Yeah, this is garth. Well, actually, it's crazy that you guys have this and Garth still got what his little... He's still in the fucking redot and no shack. Yeah, he's in inside Studio G. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's not impressed. He just played two nights at Nissan Stadium back in Nashville. Oh, wow. That's where the Titans play, right? Yeah. Wow. That's wild. He had an earthquake, a garthquake. There was a garthquake in Baton Rouge that it measured on the Richter scale. I didn't know about the garth... What's it? He had a concert and the noise was so loud that it registered as an earthquake. God, I've never been in a garthquake before. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty cool, man. Yeah. I want to... When do we get to the

wheelerquake? How soon do I get there? I feel like you already have the... You have the goods to make it happen, you know? Yeah. The problem is they just don't let... They don't put the songs about eating pussy on the fucking radio. I know. Thanks to the fucking cancel culture, right? Yeah, it fucking is, man. And I tell you what, those are the songs that I want to hear. That's why I showed this part. I was like, well, this is the kind of music that I want to listen to. I don't want to hear about another... My heart broke and my truck. It's like, I want to hear about some real shit, like getting fucked up and eating pussy. This is my new album. It's got two songs with the first ever album with two songs

with the word beaver in it. Wow. That's pretty awesome. Beaver Fever and Beaver Town are both on the... Wow. That's cool. And really, what could be more American and in line with Christian values than drinking and fucking? You guys heard my new single, God told me to fuck you? Wow. No. Oh, it's great. It's really good. God told me to fuck you? Yeah. Can you play a clip? Am I allowed to just order things? Sure. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. God told me to fuck you. This is fantastic. Oh, yeah. That's pretty. That's fucking right. See, you've got your finger on the pulse. Oh, yeah, I do. Wow. Oh, there's a video out on it.

And this is my favorite song I ever wrote. Really? The prettiest one, I think. That's really pretty. Do you play that piano? No, I don't. There you are. There you are. It's weird how into an iron, I mean, yeah, but it's a beautiful song. Thank you. That's, uh, thank you so much. That's really fucking awesome.

I like that I can just name it, just yell a tune and then you start fucking playing. They're fucking on top of it. It's good that Nadav's not here. Oh my God. Yeah, you, you did that quick. He's still at the whaling wall in, uh, Israel, by the way. So I got my people said, before you get here, text this guy, Nadav, text, I, Nadav, I'm here, text back, I'm not.

Okay. Thanks. Thanks for, but good talking to you. Yeah, yeah, good. Yeah, that's, uh, that's right on, that's on par. He was, uh, yeah, he's on some mission trip and he's like growing fucking cucumbers in Israel. He's in Israel.

Yeah. Well, I want to, so what that text calls me. Probably about 75 bucks if he's in charge of it. I heard he's gotten, I heard he's gained weight back and what we should have done is weighed him before his trip. We definitely should have. Is he seriously in Israel? Yeah.

Fighting. No. No. He's on a fucking, uh, hummus tasting adventure. Hummus. Oh shit, man. That sounds like fun. Yeah, that'd be pretty good.

Yeah. Yeah, no, he's, uh, he's wrapping up his celebration of the crucifixion and he'll be back soon. And now that he got the studio, you should sell that movie. Yeah, I know, right? Nadav is hummus tasting across Israel. Yeah, exactly. That's Tyler Perry presents.

Yeah. But he converted to Christianity before he went. So his family's going to find out that he's no longer a Jew. Is he really, he's, well, he's, he's embraced Christianity more. Now that we live in Texas, so he got here and people were like, you're a what? And then I don't, do you think he embraced it? Or just like, I think it got kind of freaked out. He kind of, yeah.

He's got the freak die when I'm here. So he, now he tells people his name is Patty. Instead of. Yeah, but I'll tell you what, no, I didn't text no Patty. Yeah. Yeah, no, I know. You texted Nadav. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I liked that his reply was, I'm not, instead of like, here's what you should do. Can I help you? Actually, that's not his exact words was, I'm not here. Shalom, yummy hummus. Yeah. Yeah.

Sounds right. Yeah. That's definitely a tough way of handling things. Yeah, you should have been like, Zolo can help you out or, you know, would have been like. Yeah, I'm not. Click later. Not my job. Not my job.

Yeah. I've never, I've never seen hummus on a text. Yeah. He got it all over the fucking text. It's fucking unbelievable. That guy. So this is just the fourth album. It's the fourth album.

That's yeah. Yeah. I know your shit, man. That is fucking. I want to say I've been here on your show for every album. I want to say so, too. And I want to say it because I think it's true. I think you're right.

Pussy King was on. Let's see. That was because there's all wheeler. First one's Redneck shit. Redneck shit. Then all wheeler. Then W W three about my son. Yep.

And then this. Yeah, how you can have awesome. Thank you. Can't wait. And I really love the artwork on this last album. It's a very strong message. Thank you so much. I try to keep up with the big boys.

I don't know if you if you guys you were just in Nashville, but God, it's got so fucking corporate. You know, yeah, the way that the country. I mean, like they're serious. I mean, you know, that guy got in trouble with the racial slur. But to me, the real people should begin in trouble is like this. Have you heard that guy with the fucking who is the cultural appropriation? This fucking dude is like rapping about Applebee's.

You seen that song? Yeah, the Applebee's rap. That's the worst. That's the worst song ever. But isn't that just isn't that more racist than anything? You could just rip it off black culture. Yeah, sounds pretty terrible. Yeah, who is the guy who does that?

I just I thought his name was Applebee's guy. Yeah, and they're using it, right? Probably. And it's probably why he wrote it. Yeah, they're using it. I mean, Applebee's is good, but not good enough to write a fucking song about. Yeah. Fancy like from Walker Hayes.

Yeah, Walker Hayes. That's his name. Yeah, it sucks to share a name with him. Yeah, I piss me off. Well, maybe they'll buy my album by mistake. Yeah, I mean, by the way, the new album has your right beaver fever fucked by a country boy. She's a country music fan, pussy and beer fucked by a country boy. It's can I tell you a story about that song?

Sure, about how fucking and then tell me about Sluts and heaven. How does it go? Fucked by a country boy got real big. But here's the thing. So the big thing on music streaming services is the playlist is they refuse the major labels refused to play have banded together because I'm destroying all the fucking they're they're stars because I sell and stream more than them. So they made sure that the streaming services can't playlist me because

playlisting makes you bigger. That's the new way that they they shadow ban you basically that they ban you. So fucked by country boy got so big. It was on some Spotify's got this thing called the the top viral songs in America. It's so the record companies can't do nothing about that. That playlist is just how many people are listening. Sure. And fucked by country boy was number seven.

And I have a buddy who works at a label. I go, so they can't ban me from this. The real what people are listening to the viral charts and the guy go, wait till tomorrow. They called this they called the fucking streaming services gone erased it really. Because usually it goes your number seven on the viral charts to go down five to twelve. Yeah, you go up five or whatever it is. It was just gone. It was just gone.

Well, let me tell you if it's a song I think it is. I've been singing on Tiktok. Relent. No, it's all over the fuck. It's relentless on the Tiktok. You've really dialed into America right now. It's one that goes, have you ever been fucked? Yeah, fuck, fuck, but the audience at the show.

I know it. Yeah, it's a great song. We all clap and sing and then, you know, people in the audience do it. It's a really the suits at these big streamers that are like, uh-uh. Well, the labels or the labels own the labels own the streaming companies. Such a good song. I mean, not some of them literally, but some of them literally do. But some of them also just say that space is, you know, no one's going to listen

to the fucking apathy song unless we shove it down their fucking throat. Right. So we got to put it on the fucking playlist because that's what people just people because people like me and you guys, we go to our streaming service and we go type in Stevie Wonder. We just want to listen to a song. Right. But most people, most people are fucking idiots.

So they just go, tell me what to listen to. And they just go, oh, Applebee's. Yeah, fucking. Yeah. Although Gart, I was gonna say Gart, but Gart ain't on it because he's Amazon exclusive. Still, right. Wow. Yeah.

You got to have Amazon. You want to listen to G, you got to get Amazon. Can I, can I make a weird admission? Yeah. I got, I wanted to hear Gart so bad. I signed up for that Amazon. You did? Yeah.

Yeah. What's your favorite Gart song? I don't know what song I wanted to hear that day, but I just felt like sometimes I don't feel, are you with me on this? I don't feel like Gart has songs. It's just Gart. Yeah. Like you just want to hear Gart.

It's just like all his songs are just part of like the Gart universe. It's a, I wanted to experience the Gart universe. It's called the Gartiverse. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I did this. He's, he's doing like some pretty positive stuff. Hey, everybody, Gart Brooks.

Entrush of year one. And we're proud to say we stand with Ukraine, especially the refugees. There's a global initiative and of course supplies and aid is already spread then. And this is where you come in. We need your help. We need you to donate. Yeah. I mean, we always ask for love and prayers.

Please keep doing that. We're also going to ask you, dig in your pockets, be part of the greatest global relief plan mankind has ever seen. Everybody deserves dignity. Everybody deserves a roof over their head to feel safe. You can be a part of that. Yeah. Amen.

So join us, won't you? Stand up for love. Stand up for mankind. Stand up for Ukraine. What was the laugh about at the end? Why did he laugh? I don't know. People are just getting their heads blown off and he's fucking laughing.

He looked at her and then goes, Stand up for Ukraine. Why the laugh? Why did what prompted him to laugh? I think I think in the prompter, it said laugh from another video. And so he did it and then it was like, fuck it, print it. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

And there's no reason to laugh. We're talking about Ukraine. The script in there, he's like, which emotion do you want here? And they're like, laugh. He was like, OK. People are like, oh, shit, it's Ukraine. Who put laugh in the prompter? And then they're like, shit.

But that's what OJ does. Notice that? Like last week, we were watching his Twitter's with tweets with Danny Brown. He does the same thing. He's like, I just got a call for today. You're like, why are you laughing? Yeah, because he got away with Mark. Yeah, no shit, homie.

Yeah, I'd be I'd be laughing every fucking day. Right. Got Tom and I are starting to look like Trisha and Garth, aren't we? I think like a better looking version. And you also don't need to show. The number of billions on your hat, either that you have. Yeah. I got seven now.

Give me a hat. Yeah. Can you imagine if they like switched out to an eight during the. Oh, right. They said, just hand him another hat. He's like, I hit it. Oh, great. Hey, y'all.

I'm just a regular guy, just like y'all. Where does Garth live? I think he lives outside. He has an outside Nashville. Yeah, he's got a place in Oklahoma. And I already just bought a place on the moon. Oh, that's pretty cool. Yeah, I heard some I heard some pretty cool stories about him that I can't share.

Oh, shit. Yeah, from somebody who's very close. Was it like sex? No, no, not at all. Just about like. Wackenall. Persona. No, just like personality, like.

Like cool verification. Like very full personality. It was like verified about. How crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, thank you. Thank you so much for not sharing. Yeah. Well, I don't want to. I can I can share off mic. You know, okay. Yeah, that's always good. That's that's what people like on.

They love, yeah, yeah. Well, I just can't. I mean, I should just say anything, but yeah. Who told it to you? Kid Rock. Yeah, I was I went to his place in Nashville in Franklin. I guess it was outside of Nashville. He's fun.

He has a White House replica. He built a replica of the White House as his new home. That's a nice idea. Kid Rock. I went as patriotic. You know, I toured with Kid Rock. No. Yeah.

And it was fun. He was couldn't be nicer. I thought you couldn't have been nicer to us. Can I tell you one thing too? Food on the road. You guys know it fucking sucks. Yeah. They had fucking catered everything.

I've never eaten so well in my fucking home. Oh, yeah, he seems cool as shit. Like I don't agree with everything Kid Rock thinks or says. You don't agree with what everyone. Yeah, but I like his personality. I think he has zero fucks. And I love that. He couldn't he couldn't he couldn't he couldn't he couldn't

have been nicer to me. Yeah, he's cool as shit. Yeah, he was nice. That's why I met Jimmy John from J.A. John's subs. Is there actually a Jimmy John? Yeah. I didn't know that.

Yeah, yeah. That's his real name. That's his real name. Yeah, he makes good subs. Yeah. How do you go from being Jimmy John making subs at home to just like having that empire? It's a real empire.

It's a lot. That's a real empire. My manager eats Jimmy John's every fucking day. Really? I love that sub. He's out of the very heavy. He's a heavy, heavy set person. He's not a heavy set person, but my guess is I probably need

to up it on the album streams if he's eating Jimmy John. If he's making if that's what his percentage buys. Yeah, I couldn't have been cooler. I can't believe this is your song. The Have You Ever Been Fuck. I mean, that is like. You know what's funny? So I got an uncle who's like, I want to say 82 who watches

TikTok all day. Yeah, me too. And he'll call me and he'll call me up like, Oh, I saw another dude. He's like, he sent me a video of something. He's like, this guy is like built. He's got big muscles and he's singing your song. We learn that cool.

Because he's built? No, but I'm like, it's not cool that my 82 year old uncle is watching TikTok all day. Yeah. And that kind of weird. A little bit, but I mean. But he's like, he's entertained. But he keeps swiping because I think old people like it

because he's an old dude. They keep swiping until they see the boobs. Yeah, sure. I'm looking for tits. Yeah. Now, do you, because I think we've talked before that your mother has come to a show and she's like, Jesus, like, I wish your language was like, you sing nicely.

Why do you have to sing these kinds of songs? Yeah, she doesn't love it, but you know, I just did. One of my goals when I started was, and you probably, I'm sure you played there and sold out, but was to sell out the Ryman. Yeah. And we just did a sold out show at the Ryman just a few weeks ago and it was fucking crazy.

My whole family came out to that. So it was cool. But like when I sing, drop them out and a couple titties came out and I was like, trying not to look. In case my mom got two into it, I didn't want to, you know. That's my old drinking station. I don't need to see it. Now, after a show like that, though, it's like, okay,

you say nasty things, but this is pretty awesome, right? Yeah, that was kind of, that was one of the few times she was just like, I see 3,000 other people getting it. So I'll give you a pass. And your dad? He was there. Yeah, he loved it too. Are they like traditional?

Are they religious or anything? They're conservative. They're pretty conservative, but they're not, they would rather me sing clean. But like I said, I was just talking to Danny Brown. I got my own lane. Danny Brown got his own lane. I don't want to be.

Yeah. I don't want to sing the fucking boring ass fucking shit. I would be so fucking depressed if I have, hey, you hear the New Wheeler album and then it was like, you know what? Yeah, this one's all about Applebee's. Yeah. Yeah.

This was actually all about Chili's. He found his own kind of competition. No, I like doing my- Your thing, man. I like doing my thing and I don't like, that's why I didn't sign these fucking labels. They want to buy me out to throw me this money. I was like, nope.

Yeah. I want to stay fucking independent. I want to be able to say what I want to fucking say. That's why I get so pissed about these guys. You know, man, I got fucking canceled. Well, don't sign the fucking Universal. Yeah. You know?

Right. You want all the fame. You want all this fucking- My new hero is this guy. I've been watching his videos nonstop. You know, UGK hip hop group? Yeah, sure. Bun B.

Yeah. I just saw some interviews with him. He was just like, he broke down the music business. Go check out those videos you've watched. He broke down the music business like that. It was just like, this guy fucking knows this shit. He gets it. He goes, he was saying, if you signed a major label,

you're a fucking idiot. He didn't say those turn-based like, you know, you want to, he goes, do you want to, you want to make money or you want to be famous? You got to choose. You want to make money, you got to own your shit. You want to be famous, sign your life away to a big fucking corporate label.

You got to, I mean, you guys do that. No one owns your touring. No. No one owns any of your- No one owns podcasts. No, exactly. You guys have your own thing. No one can come in here and tell you what the fuck to say.

No, that's great. And in this country, you can do that. You just got to build it up. It takes a little more work and you can't, you know. Takes more risk. And you can't, you know, muscle like, you know, like, I'll give you my favorite example is like, man, Blake Shelton's album sales go down.

Man, he's on the voice now. He's big again. Well, look, let's look a little deeper. Okay, Blake Shelton. He's on Warner Brothers records. Okay. An accident, he got on the voice. Right.

So you look through the credits of the voice. Who makes the voice? Does Warner Brothers have anything to do with the voice? Oh shit, they do. Like they're under the table, like shaking each other hand. Can you help our boy out? Sell some fucking records. Now he's a big fucking star again.

You want to play that game, you can play that game. Props to Blake Shelton, he's cashing in, but that's not the game I want to fucking play, you know. It's all insider fucking shit. So you want real shit, listen to Wheeler. You want corporate dog shit. Blake Shelton's your guy. Props to Blake.

Yeah, I mean, it's so funny too, when you hear, before you know, when you see publicity, like you're growing up, you walk through the airport or some grocery store and you see people on magazines. You're like, I guess this person is just famous. Yeah, you don't know they fucking, yeah. Exactly, Time Magazine, but it's Time Warner. And then you're like, that person's on another show

that Time Warner owns and so they're plugged in. I always do that trick with my friends. Like when that guy, Morgan Wallin, who's whatever, I think he's fine, but he got two shots. He screwed up Sentinel Live once, right? And then got a second shot. Remember that? He had like a COVID protocol thing.

Like who gets two shots, especially coming up, who gets two shots at SNL? And I go, dude, I know the answer, look it up right now. I was with my buddy and he had his phone. I go, what label is he on? They go, look it up, Universal. Yep, NBC Universal. NBC Universal, Sentinel Live.

So these things aren't accidents. You don't get two shots at SNL after you screw up the first one unless your label and the network are shaking hands under the table. Sure. So it's all corporate handshakes. Thank God for the internet being the great equalizer. Because, I mean, I remember-

Because then you can go on TikTok and then Christina sees it. Oh, and that's, I just love that. I can't, I still am blown away because I've seen so many people doing that. Isn't that cool for me to be here that your favorite song and I'm just right here? I can't, and I was like, this song's so funny and ridiculous. Like what is this?

And I can't believe it. I can't believe I'm here with the artist. Like- Yeah, it's weird. It's blowing my fucking mind right now. And it's crazy too, is that why am I making videos if all these- Kids are doing it.

If all these people are making my videos. Let me just stop making videos. No, videos are awesome. Yours are fantastic. And it is still, you forget how easy it is to can like, you know, we always talk about like Netflix, Hulu, and like all these streaming platform, and then you forget that everyone can watch YouTube.

And so like the probability that something catches on is so much higher when there's a something to watch on YouTube. YouTube is phenomenal. Yeah, that's kind of, that is why I do it because I, you can still make a, now with these cameras nowadays, you can make a pretty video for the fucking, what I thought was a lot of money,

but same check shit compared to what these other guys make videos. Sure. But like, you can make a killer video for 5,000 bucks, which 10 years ago sounded like a lot of money, but nowadays, 5,000 bucks, I don't even think you can buy a house in Austin for 5,000 bucks. Not anymore. Yeah.

Not with the new influx. No, we screwed that up. This is a, came to me, this is on a plane. Let me see what this says. Sorry. passenger was aggressive towards staff over babies crying on the flight. I don't know if I agree with what she did or not.

I haven't seen this. By the way, can I add something? Today was my, I flew into Austin, my first flight without having to wear a mask in like how many years. So good. Is that great? Fucking, it was weird being able to, it was weird being able to breathe on a fucking plane.

Yes. Yeah. And also kind of, I kind of remembered why I don't, I have mixed feelings because I'm not sure I loved all the smells. Yeah, that's fine. That too. I never like, like I didn't argue with anybody who was like wearing a mask on anything,

but the silliest always felt so silly on a plane. They're like, you know, wear your mask. You're like, all right. And they're like, you can take it off if you want to eat or drink. Yeah. And you're like, well then. Just eat the whole time. Yeah.

Well, you see people doing that. My favorite. Yeah. Yeah, you can pull down the mask to take a sip and then put a thing in your mouth. Well, that COVID, you usually think COVID respects like hunger. Of course. You know, and first COVID's like, oh.

They don't really care. And COVID understands when there's like a plastic barrier between you and so COVID knows to stop. It doesn't go over the plastic. Yeah, it's cool. It's cool that COVID can't get through plastic. I had a rule. I want to do this rule at the rhyme,

and they wouldn't let me do it though. I want to demand masks for butterfaces, but they found an offense. They said they, because the state has, Tennessee has their COVID rule. That's a badass rule. I love that. But I want to start doing it in other venues, but then they get fucking, because then you gotta, like who decides.

Yeah. You need someone, you have to hire the staff to decide. Yeah, exactly. That's going to cost money. Or is it you? Well, I'll decide. Well, what have I done? I'm so sad.

Well, tell me. Don't touch me. Don't touch people around me. You come fuck off me, you little. Bitchy, bitchy spice. Yeah, bitchy spice. She, uh, you think that's booze or mental illness? Touch me, booze.

Yeah. Booze or what? Mental illness. I think it's booze. Yeah. I also think, like, who decides? I gotta, I gotta flight today. That's what I'm gonna, I gotta get my outfit.

That's what you wanted to wear. Yo, I know. Well, all you see is absolute psychos on flights, as far as clothing goes. People, I mean, the craziest is the cutoff shirt. You see, like, not even, like, they cut it back to, like, here. So full armpit is exposed. It's so insane.

I'll tell you what, the Nashville to Austin fight is, is, yeah, there's some, there's some characters on there. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's like, it's like, they're leaving a party to go to a party. Yeah. It's like, we're going from a bachelorette party to a bachelorette party. It's un-fucking-real, man.

Is that happening in Austin, too? Man, Nashville has just turned into, like, it's just bachelorette town. Yeah, I mean, it's definitely here. It's definitely here. I think Nashville's more. God, it's fucking crazy. I want to smash through one of those pedal taverns. Oh, those are the worst.

We don't have those in Texas. Do we have those? Pedal taverns here? That's a Nashville thing. Yeah, they're a thing here. They're here, too. Are they in downtown? I don't think we can.

Yeah. I hate those things. I mean, why would you want to exercise and get drunk at the same time? Well, the thing is that most of them, because the women just start drinking, things just sit in there. Yeah. They stop. Like, oh, shit, I can't drink.

And these women don't, these are not the kind of women who do. Do not cyclists? They can't do two things at once. Yeah. Yeah, I can. These are not Olympic cyclists. No. No, yeah.

That's a fact, man. Nah, I'm fucking drunk. So wait, when you were in Austin, you said, what happened in Austin? You were supposed to, didn't you say you were going to see my boy? Oh, no, no, I had, I wanted to, can I start a beef on this show? Do whatever you want. Okay. I want to start a beef with your, with your boy.

Oh. With Bert. Oh, yeah. Okay. So here's the thing. I'm in, I'm in Nashville. My, one of my people on my team called me up. My boy, my old buddy, Bert, is in Nashville.

He's doing, he does a podcast from his tour bus. And he, and he wants you to do it. Oh, I'd love, I love Bert. I'd love to come do the podcast. Yeah. Brett, uh, Kershow or Kirchitsch, whatever. Yeah, exactly. And I go, and I'm like, I set out my time.

I had rehearsal that day. I canceled my rehearsal. Then I get a call, like something came up for Bert. He can't do it. You know, shit happens. What are you going to do? Yeah. So then like a week later, so before that, I, have you ever heard of the

bussing with the boys podcast? Yeah. So I did that podcast. It's like these two NFL guys sit on a bus anyway. So Buck and Bert cancel, and I get it. He's got, he's got to do promotion too. I'm not, I get it. I still want, but my point is I still got beef.

He canceled my podcast because he went to, to do bussing with the boys. And he talked so long, they had turned into a two-part bussing with the boys. That sounds like Bert. He showed up at the bus because they kept calling me like, you know, maybe Bert's going to, he's got to do this little thing. It won't take too long. He sat in that fucking bus for four fucking hours. What?

He went to, he talked to two former NFL, or actually current NFL players for four hours. They had to break it up into two podcasts. And he canceled my podcast. He sat on a bus with those fucking dudes. Yeah. And canceled on me. Never heard from him. Never followed up.

And the other thing too was so I had an episode of bussing with the boys that's been, keeps getting delayed because like Bert part eight keeps coming out. They got to break it up into like, it's, it's turning into a fucking, you know. He never stops talking. It turned into a fucking miniseries. Yeah. Yeah. So that's my beef, Bert.

I love you, but I'm fucking pissed. I'm sure there's a very good reason though. Oh. No, I'm not. That's the reason. I'm sure. Well, I mean, you know, I'm trying to defend Bert. Why?

I'm trying to, I don't know. I'm just trying to. Christ your- Tom told him before to bring up, to bring up what? What'd you tell me to bring up? His weight. I don't know, shirt Chrysler. Uh, I forget.

I don't even remember what I said. Instead of bringing up his weight, but I'm not going to do that. Okay. I like Bert. First Chrysler. Um, yeah. He did four hours with Buss and with the boys. But he, but he canceled on me for a bus.

Yeah. For a bus. And he was going to do your podcast on his bus. Yeah. I mean, I was going to do his podcast. I know, but I'm saying it was going to be on his bus, you know. Yeah. I mean.

He left a bus to go sell on a bus. Yeah. I mean, I think the respectful thing would have been to tell those guys, hey, I got to wrap this up soon. I got this thing with Wheeler. Yeah. It would have been cool. But you know, sometimes you get four hours of shit to get off your chest.

Yeah. Like what did, what kind of NFL shit did they talk about? I think I don't think they talk about NFL shit. Yeah, exactly. Training. Yeah. Yeah. Bert, you're on my fucking shit list, Bert.

Hey, Bert. I second that. Christina's staying out of it. I'm trying to, you know, trying to defend my boy. 01:03:58,680 --> 01:03:59,720 I mean, our boy. But no, listen, I do get it. He's got, why is my promotion more important than his promotion?

It don't matter. Yeah. But sometimes you just got to start beef to start beef. Yeah. I think it's a good idea. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's a good idea.

Oh, man. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Shit, man. Yeah. I hope he really comes. I'm wondering, he's going to be, oh, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. You know, I'm so sorry. First of all, I love real workers like my absolute favorite. He's like my favorite, my favorite, my favorite. I think it's like my favorite country guy is Wheeler. And I was drinking and it got out of hand. And I fucking forgot, I love you. I will fly out to see you, Wheeler.

It's exactly what Bert would say. And then that says, so to make it up to me, I'm going to have to fucking fly to Redondo to do a podcast. Make him come to you. I'll come to you. Man, I don't want to be that guy. He'll play, he'll play Nashville again soon. Maybe.

Yeah. Yeah. Doesn't like to go home. So yeah, probably. He's not allowed to go home. I always think about that with people who tour. Is that why people tour so much? Yes.

Yeah. Stop. He hates us. Tom, come on. No. You got a wife and kids you got to take care of. I know. Yeah.

Maybe if you stop going, I'll fucking bar so much. Crystal, I've heard about that. Yeah. I haven't got a real problem. Always out. But I take the baby monitor with me to the bar. I can still keep an eye on the kids. Yeah, of course you can see.

They start crying. I can drive home. You got that little nest camera on there? Hell yeah, dude. I just put that on the bar and I can see them. By the way, you didn't tell me who you said, who's your celebrity best friend going to be? Oh my gosh.

So we all have. So your celebrity best friend is Brad Pitt. Hold on. Wait, what's going on here? We want to decide who we want as a celebrity best friend. I saw something about what? No. Brad came to my show.

That's what Brad. I saw, I heard the thing about you. BP. Pitt Stop came to my show and yeah, we hung out. Where was this? In LA. I was in LA. And he's a fan?

He's a fan. You going to put your any movies? I don't know. Probably not. Do you think he'd come to my birthday party in LA? I want to ask him. Yeah, I really want him to go. Do you have an honest question you guys know?

Yes. You guys know? Do you ever text him? Sometimes. Is it blue or green? He can't be Android. That's such a good point. There's no way.

Because the green is like you're a little anti-social. That tells me a lot, right? Like you're not a conformist. Yeah, the other thing too is when you, I didn't know this till recently is if you, a buddy of yours, if you start texting his green, it means they changed their number. That happens.

Also, it's like, I think it's kind of like, you kind of know which of your friends is kind of a loser. You know? It's their green? Oh yeah. I know. I'm like, this person has like real shit going on in their life right now.

Do you think they're cheap or something? No, they're just kind of a loser. Yeah, I told them. I'm like, hit me back when it's blue. Oh my god, babe, you're on a text chain with anyone who's green. Yeah. And then it comes up like a text like, so and so, I don't need a text saying you liked it.

Yeah. Shut the fuck up. Grow up. Get a job. Make some fucking money. Make some money, man. So I decided I know who my celebrity best friend will be because it's so hard for me to choose.

I don't want to hang out with the Kardashians. I don't think I'd have much in common. Like, it's kind of rare. And I, okay, are you ready? Yeah. So I don't know if you've seen Russian doll. Season two is impeccable. Okay.

It features many things that are very similar to my life. Okay. Natasha Lyon, I'd like to invite you to be my best friend. Wow. Oh, let me see your picture. Let me see you. That is. I really think.

Oh my god, if he can hang out with, if he's with Brad Pitt, you can, you could be hanging out with her any day. She's really cool. She was with Fred Armisen for a long time. Yeah. It says Fred Armisen broke up over swimming pool. I don't know if that means over a swimming pool incident

or at the pool. Hey, I don't want to see anymore. I don't want to see anymore. Said, what does it say? That's a very funny headline. Hold on. Yeah. What's it say?

Oh, broke up. I want to know what that means. Yeah. Make that larger if you don't mind. Told Harvard that she didn't call it a question. Eight years together because it's about buying a pool and they live together in Los Angeles. Man, these are not.

No, these are not. These are not Texas, Tennessee. I think we broke up because I wanted a swimming pool. We love each other. Again, love each other. And we're still throwing all that, but Fred doesn't like a swimming pool. That's the fucking.

That's a joke. It's got to be a joke. Oh, yeah. That sounds. Yeah. That's why I like her because like she's like, she's been in showbiz or whole life. She just saw.

Yeah. She knows how press works. She's like, this will be the. This will be funny. It'll be a great headline. Also sounds like maybe something really bad happened and like you're trying to you're trying to cover for it. Yeah.

Smart move. It's like, it's just because you wanted a pool. I didn't. Yeah. Anyway, you can't say like, well, he cracked my occipital plate. Can I tell you why I really like her? It's like season two.

She fucking learned just spoiler earlier. I know I was supposed to do this before. I ain't ever watched it in that manner. She learns how to speak Hungarian. Oh, so you have a yeah. It's rad. Hold on. What's your connection to home?

I'm my parents were from Hungary. Oh, no way. So I just love her whole story. Anyway, she's also recovering. She's got some problems in her past. Yeah. That one picture right there with the guardian. I like that.

That's when she was on the drugs. She's not on the drugs anymore. Isn't that crazy? That's what I'm the most attracted to. That's why you like me, baby. That's gettable. Yeah. Yeah.

She ain't getting that swimming pool on that page. You like trouble and see she's got she's troubled like me. She's got a little stuff. I like how you're like, so the person I like is just someone who reminds me the most of me. A hundred percent. But here's the thing, because you have to be able to relate.

Like I'm not going to relate to a bitch that's like, true. Oh, I'm all normal. I had a normal upbringing. I bet she's actually really funny and a lot of fun to hang with. A big fun hang. So that's a good choice for your celebrity. Like you're more together.

So maybe you and be here together. But do you want a pool? I do. Okay. So you demand a pool. Yeah, it would be cool. It's too hot in that pool. I'm still kind of blown away by the Brad Pitt thing.

Because I saw I heard it on the podcast. I thought it was a bit. No, yeah. Wait. So what do you like about BP? The pit stain. He's actually really out. Like he is an outgoing, fun to.

And I mean, it's kind of weird. I think because I'm a comedian, he's always like, he does shit that like my uncle does. He'll be like, how funny is this? And it'll be like an email chain with like some, you know. Or trying to give you ideas. Well, it'll just be like, isn't that he'll be like, can you use this in your act?

And like, it's not how like this is just a fucking. And it's like a like a fat chick pic or something. Yeah. Or it'll be like a, like a parody video, but like a cheaply made one. I'm like, yeah, you know. He's got like dad boner. He sends memes and stuff.

That's too bad. But he's a genuine dude. He's like a really, like for as iconically famous as he is. It's wild. Well, wouldn't you say you're a genuine dude? Is he probably the most, one of the most famous dudes in the world? For sure.

Is, I got a question for you. So when he comes, holy shit. There he is. Yeah. Man, they're getting so good at Photoshop. But you're genuine too, Gene. But here's my quite an honest question for you. Honest question for you.

He comes to the show, does he sit in the audience? Yeah. Just like a regular dude. It was masks though. What? Masks. Oh, that's celebrities were probably loving the mask. He tucked his hair into that bucket hat.

Put the mask on. Fucking imagine having a billion bucks and buying a bucket hat. I know. I think it's from this. I think it's from his movie. I think it's the clothes he wore in the new movie that I saw the trailer for. I'm like, I think he was like, can I keep this? And they're like, sure.

Do we guess that you know? Yeah. Yeah. He still looks pretty cool though. Fuck yeah, dude. You know, he looks amazing. But isn't that what you like about? He's like almost 60, man.

But wait, I'm not a total narcissist. I mean, isn't that what you like in other people is kind of like what you vibe on? Well, yeah. Like vibes? Yeah. I'd love to be able to wear that. God, I'm normal in my head. Like you make me sound like I'm a total psycho.

No, I'm just teasing you. Yeah, you're right. See? My god, he's wearing that. He's wearing the hat. I want to see that. That looks pretty good. Bullet train?

It looks fun. Yeah. How about that for fucking promotion? Hey, man, there's Brad Pitt on the street. He's wearing the bucket hat from the movie. What does it say in that thing? It says sent home. What is that?

To the left? Brad Pitt sent home. Yeah. What does that mean? Bullet train. Oh. Oh, someone on set. It's like somebody else went to it.

Hey, did you guys get COVID? Yeah, I got it twice. Twice. Oh my god, I got it. So all my friends got like mild cases. I got it fucking bad. I had the OG strain. Yeah.

December 2020. Oh, yeah. But can I tell you what happened? Here's a dumb thing to do. My wife got really sick. And I was like, she's like, I think I got COVID. It's like, babe, you don't got COVID. I go, I'm going to prove to you you ain't got COVID.

Open my mouth. I go cough into my mouth. She coughed into my mouth like 10 times. I woke up. I couldn't. My throat was fucking hurt. And I had rehearsal. I was going to the studio.

I couldn't fucking sing for like a week. Lost my fucking voice. Because you made her cough into your mouth. Because I had to prove to her that she didn't have COVID. Yeah. Then we both got tested fucking positive, positive. And you got really sick? You really got it twice?

Yeah, I got so fucking sick. Yeah, I got the Delta variant. I thought it was so, I thought it was fucking made up. Yeah, really? Yeah. Why'd you think it was made up? Because I thought my wife was talking shit. Talking some shit.

Yeah, I mean, we had the OG strain. That was hard. And then the second time. But you got pretty sick though. Because I don't buy the people who were just like, because after what I got through with the sniffles. I got sick. Yeah, I got so fucking sick.

We got tired. I remember just getting real tired. Mine was, I think, worse. Way worse, sir? Well, yeah, you had already been kicked out. I'm psyched for some of these new variants. I think I'm going to get one of those. Yeah.

They're super easier. I mean. Well, someone tell me there's two like, there's like a Delta Chron. That's like a combination. Oh, wow. It's like the sequel. I'm psyched to get that one, I think.

That's what I want next. I'll tell you what. How many people do you think on the flight from Nashville to Austin had COVID? So many. 16. So many. Probably, I would say, 70% of the flight.

Right, COVID. I think, have we just given up on COVID? Like, oh, it's a cold now. Everyone's got it. Well, that's kind of the thing. They know more mass and just take this together. Can you imagine when a real crazy pandemic, like a flesh eating thing,

what the fuck would really happen? Yeah. I mean, we handle this like dog shit. Yeah. I thought we fucking, I thought we killed it. I think we're just going to live with the fact that it's a thing now for us. It's a thing.

We only, how many people died? I think only like a couple million. A couple million, Jesus. Yeah, we fucking killed it. So it was a big deal. It was a cleansing that this kind of, this world needed, honestly. Crushed it.

Yeah. Nailed it. All right, I'm going to take a leak real quick. We got it. Oh, okay, right now. Immunocompromised, fuck them. We are back. I peed.

We have Wheeler Walker Jr. I peed next to you. You peed right next to me. Yeah. That was rad. How'd it look? Pretty good. Fucking yeah.

It's a nice piece, man. So what's the, what's the song you're going to do? So what I want to do, and I've never done this on your show, I've never done this on a podcast period. I want to get, I know it's going to be weird for me, but I want to get kind of serious here for a second. Okay. Because we have a mutual friend, Adam Egan.

Well, I met through Billy Joe Shaper, who's a great country musician. Through Billy Joe Shaper, I met Norm MacDonald. And Norm MacDonald and I got really close. And Adam was really close to him too. And I texted Adam last night that I was coming here, and he's not in town, so we couldn't hang out. He said, why don't you play,

because Norm and I used to, Norm loved country music. He loved outlaw shit. And Adam goes, how about as a tribute to Norm? Why don't you play that Waylon song out, Waylon has a song called Outlaw Shit that I sometimes play on my shows. As a tribute to Norm, it would mean a lot to me

if you played outlaw shit. Okay. So I know it's kind of weird for me to play a serious song, but there's serious people looking at us. Let's just do it. Yeah, yeah. That's great, man. You care?

No, I'm glad. Okay. And we love Norm. And Norm was such a good buddy to all of us and loved country. He was, like I said, real close with Billy Joe Shaper, who's a country hero of mine. If people listening, go look up Billy Joe Shaper

an amazing country artist. Obviously, you all know Norm, watch Norm, but this is Outlaw Shit. It's a Waylon tune. This is for Norm. Order a way that it should be. Songs about the night they spent protecting you from a heat. Someone called us outlawed in some old magazine.

New York sent a posse down like I never sang. Don't you think this Outlaw Shit has gotten out of hand? Started out being a joke, a lot on understand. I was singing through my nose, got me busted by the man. This ain't it, this Outlaw Shit has gotten out of hand, out of hand. We're wrapped up in the music. It's why we never saw cars pulled up, cops get out. And a room filled up with law hall, came pounding through the back door.

In the middle of my song, got me for possession of something that was long gone. Don't you think this Outlaw Shit has gotten out of hand? Started out being a joke, a lot on understand. I was singing through my nose, got me busted by the man. This ain't it, this Outlaw Shit has gotten out of hand, out of hand. It's why we never saw cars pulled up, got me for possession of something that was long gone. That was beautiful, what a nice song. Hey guys in the back, how was it?

Beautiful. I loved it. Why the middle finger? That was a thumbs up. That was absolutely beautiful. You're playing and you're singing. This is how my brain still goes, I was washing your left hand and I'm like, how do you fucking do that and sing? Not that well.

What's weird for me is when I do it and I'm not singing about fucking being fucked by a country boy. My hands don't want to do it. You're amazing. That was incredible. What a talent, thank you. I didn't realize that you were so close to Norm. Yeah, and he was a fan. Having someone you're a fan of be a fan of yours is a pretty big fucking deal.

That's pretty cool. It was awesome that he loved all the people I loved and he got what I was doing, meant a lot. I discovered this through Twitter because when he joined, I remember when he joined. I'd been on Twitter for a while and he would go on these tweet rants about classic literature. The first one you're like, is this a bit? Then you're 100 tweets and you're like, Jesus Christ. He had read every piece of classic literature and would go so deeply into it that he ended up, I want to say, starting another Twitter page.

He's like, all right, I won't fucking bore the rest of you with this. He would text me late at night like, hey, Wheeler, who's your favorite Russian author? I've read two books and neither were Russian. They both came with crayons. I don't fucking know. I'm not surprised. You're saying he's this great fan of country music. I imagine the poetry of it is probably what captivated him.

His book starts with a, which book is great. That's actually a book I did read. It opens up with a Billy Joe Shaver quote. His book? I've never read his book. I should read his book. It's like a fake autobiography, but he opens it up with a Billy Joe Shaver quote and a Bob Dylan quote. So it's pretty cool. He loved the good shit.

And he was good. Yeah, he was really good. It's funny because there's not many comics who you watch where you're like, that guy doesn't care if he gets this audience's approval. Well, I was going to say there's not other than you, sometimes Bert and a couple other dudes. There's not many comics who I give a shit if they dug my music. And he was on that list and it was cool that he dug it. No, that's fucking rad, dude.

That's so cool. That's a nice tribute too, man. It's very nice. It was weird not, like I said, making it a little, I wanted to do it. Thank you for letting me do it. Of course. We're stupid at them today. He just said he's not in town. Yeah, he goes to see concerts and stuff. I think he leaves town when I'm coming.

Probably. I'll send him some hate texts. I saw a concert with him once. I saw the replacements reunion. I used to love the replacements and he loves the replacements too. Yeah, I'm sure he has a pen of theirs. Yeah, he's another guy. Man, the replacements are awesome, huh?

I'm in my parents' house. We're kind of in the middle of something. Cool. Adam has tattoos of his favorite music artist. He's somebody who enjoys Bauhaus. We went to Bauhaus together at the Wiltern. He was one of my guests. He told me he got all the...

So the comedy story had like... There was like a kitchen, right? Yeah. He said he got all the Mexicans back there in the Wheeler. Nice. That was cool. You shout out to the Mexican kitchen at the store. Thank you, Mexican kitchen.

He sent me a picture once of the kitchen back there. It was like my vinyl was all over the wall. Yeah, dog. Adam's a good guy. That's really cool. He's here. We took a lot of Angelinos came here. Austin Nashville are the new LA's, I guess.

Shit. I don't know. Do you still dig Nashville? Is it still like... Can I give you the short answer? No. It's too fucking LA. It's just pedal taverns.

It's trying to be... I just saw a thing that they're turning... Speaking of which, they're turning Blake Shelton's bar into a fucking Carson Daly TV fucking show. What? Fucking choke me. Get the fuck out of town, man. I don't want Carson Daly where I live.

I moved there because Carson Daly didn't live there. And now Carson Daly is going to be shooting a... Have you ever heard of a worse idea for a show, Carson Daly Live from Blake Shelton's bar in Nashville? Shut the fuck up. NBC Universal. Probably, yeah.

Warner Brothers. Get the fuck out of Nashville, man. Used to be a cool fucking small town, and now it's fucking... A town dies when Carson Daly shows up. I didn't know Carson Daly was still a thing. I saw in the paper

someone told me about it. He's doing his new show from Blake Shelton's bar. I'm saying if you're doing your new show from Blake Shelton's bar, I don't know. I remember when Carson Daly first came out on MTV, remember? And at the time, there was like personalities.

The VJs on MTV were like, you know, Pauly Shore in the 80s. Downtown Julie Brown. Well, they had personality. Carson Daly was just a piece of cardboard. That's what I'm saying. And then it was like Carson Daly.

Everybody was like, who's this fucking wooden guy? But then it's been around. I know. Because people, everyone knew his name. Well, it's about to stop working. I'm going to go down heck with him for that. Because he did that TRL. Total Request Live.

And it was like the top 40. Like what the teeny boppers are fucking to. But you know what's really funny? His gig was like just being like, being cute and then being like, the new album is fantastic. And like so rich.

Yeah. And then you associated Carson with, you know, the biggest acts. Like cool things. That was like the place people would stop by. And it was right in Times Square. Could you imagine that? Yeah. And then he was just like, oh, cool. Fucking Nirvana could be on there. I got to tune in. What's Carson Daly going to ask Nirvana?

He's like, you guys rock. Pretty cool, huh? And they're like, yeah. Oh shit, Sound Gardens on. And then he asked Sound Garden how's it like to rock? How's it like to rock? And here with the Wu-Tang Clan and the ODB

and some of your raps are wild, man. Where'd you get that name? Yeah, it's so funny. Like who at MTV okayed Carson? They're like, we need somebody very wooden. Well, Kurt Loder was very boring too. So maybe that's something that had worked for them. But Kurt had. What do you think he's doing now?

He was like a legit journalist though. Probably. And that was like the early days of MTV. That was a weird move to put him on. I remember being a kid like, why is this old dude hanging out with us? The coolest people like Madonna Isn't Kurt Loder way older than you even think he is?

Yeah, well you Google Kurt Loder because he was old as shit, you're right. How old is he now? He looks good, there he is. He's 77. Dude. He's my dad's age. Bro, that means he was like 40 something.

So when I was watching Kurt Loder on MTV he was my parent's age. He was my parent's age. Literally, yeah. That's wild. Crazy. I think he kept it together pretty well. He sure did.

I mean, look at that guy. What do you think they paid him for that? Back then? Bullshit. Absolutely bullshit. Nothing. And then I remember the grind with Eric Niece. Remember from the real world, Eric got a gig. I was so jealous.

The first real world cast. He aged really well, I want to say. I remember that. He was cute. He was very handsome. He's the model. Wait a second. I'm going to throw you some history. Was his dad an NBA ref?

Don't remember that. I swear I saw on the real world. Look up his dad. I used to watch that show all the fucking time. Me too. Did you see the reboot they did on Netflix? He's like a basketball photo. Yeah, because he went on an episode. Oh, you're out.

They watched his dad officiate an NBA game. Oh, that's cool. Oh, really? Wow. Dang. It looks like he's got another notable child who's John Niece. That's another kid. A 16-year-old NFL player.

Oh, sure. So they're like hot and athletic, the family. Yeah, I hate those fuckers. That's got to suck. They're like busting with the boys. They're all models. The John and Eric are models. Can you imagine being...

That's why I hate Tom Brady. Sure. You're a friend of Brad Pitt. You probably love him. But this guy to be... To be drafted and then be like, this didn't work out. I'm going to be a fashion model.

That's so fucking crazy. I know. Oh, yeah. Let's see how hot the bro is. Oh, yeah. Look at that picture right there with the shirt. What is going on? Looks like the guy who made the Fuck My Country Boy video on TikTok.

Yeah. Dang. Someone tells me that guy right to the right is not related. That's not him. He sells real estate. For sure, he's definitely had phone calls where someone's like, you're John Niece. Yeah.

Imagine that date where you show up and that guy shows up. And they're like, oh, fuck. What round were you drafted? Holy shit. Wait, so what's on MTV now? Show. I'll tell you what's on... I'll tell you what's on MTV because I just...

I shot an episode of Ridiculousness and I was like, is this a waste of my time? They aired it about 47 times a day. Wow. No, it's Ridiculousness all day. Good for him. Well, that's good. At least that's entertaining.

Remember True Life? That was a good one. True Life was great. True Life, I eat phone. Yeah, that was great. Catfish was awesome. Oh, yeah, that was good. I understand why when you're making TikTok, but they just draw it out too long.

How about, again, I'm just starting out a wild card for music television. Anything music? No? Yeah, wait, that doesn't... No, is that Canadian? Much music, you're thinking of? Well, is it MTV? It's still called music television, right? Because they would do a girl code guy...

Jersey Shore. Best show. Where they talk shit, you know, slam each other. Wild and Out. That was a big MTV show. I remember trying out for that, remember, and they were auditioning comedians. They needed a white girl at one point.

They would even say that shit back in the day, you're white. Yeah, I tried out, didn't make it. I can talk some shit though, I'm surprised. I don't know whether white bitch got it. I need to show this to Wheeler here, because if you didn't see, we're still mourning Kevin Samuels.

Aw, man. I'm 5'3". How much do you weigh? That's none of your business. I told you I was fat. Oh, okay. We don't play that shit on my channel. You get your big fat ass on somewhere then. I don't deal with you big sassy ass bros. You think you can get out here

and be like Danny's big ass, go knock yourself out. But I would be remiss to try to tell you as an image consultant and as a person and a professional that you can be 5'3". And weigh so much that you don't even want to tell somebody how much you weigh.

And think you don't get a man to marry you. A high value man. So you go ahead and go back over and get your two piece or three piece or whatever you got coming from, you know, Chick-fil-A to Popeye's. Chick-fil-A all day. Your ass on over.

This guy ain't fucking around. It was this guy? Kevin Samuels, he died. He seemed like a good dude. He was great. Telling people to have realistic expectations. Telling a large woman that they're going to be alone for the rest of their life.

It was great. Let me guess, he died alone? No, he actually died fucking. Yeah. In Atlanta, he was fucking somebody. And then had what, heart attack? Yeah. Well, sirs him right. You shouldn't be talking about women like that.

This is the soft version. I'm trying to get more female fans. Yeah, okay. Yeah. You want to see some of your talks that you've known? Oh, I'd love to. Doing this gracious. Wheeler, I don't know if you're familiar with this or not,

but Christina works really hard in this segment for the show where she flags TikToks. Oh, I loved it. And I really wish I could have pulled the many dances I've seen to your song, but we can't air it as a good write. As a TikTok star, I'd love to see all your talks. Yeah, it's so good.

I would not even watch a TIG. What would you do if I broke into your house? What would you do? Give you lots of cuddles. Does some people watch? To some people do, and some people watch. People just like, that's fun to watch? Yeah.

Furries. I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like the good color. I don't like that at all. You're not going to cuddle a stranger that breaks into your house wearing a furry outfit. You're not going to. Oh, this fucking psycho. I've seen him.

More. It's caviar. More. Of course you got it. Salmon roe. That guy is always eating like raw livers. He just eats shit? Always raw.

And he probably makes like five million. Eating the inside animals raw. He's super jacked and he's like liver. So what are we doing here? We're fucking around. We're being idiots. But why are we not doing this? The liver king. That's him. The liver king.

I've seen it all. That's her prom arrival. So this girl showed up to prom in a coffin. In an open casket. And that was her arrival. Which, hey, she did cause a stir. She all lies on her. You know what? We deserved COVID.

It should have been harsher. It should have affected the young. That is one way to arrive. Jesus Christ. Pretty cool. Prom. I seen it all. And that's grammatically incorrect. It's not I seen it all. I know what you're saying. I seen it all.

Yeah. I seen it. I seen it all. I seen it all. Yeah. You like that? That's actually very funny and entertaining. Yeah. She's smiling. She should play dead. She's not playing dead. I think the ruckus was more than she expected.

You know? You think you run a call for not expecting a ruckus? I mean, but I think that it's more than she could handle it live. Like the way to play it for sure would be to play completely like that. How to do the show. And then music starts. And then you like rise up and there's lights.

But what did people think? She thought like, oh, people are thinking that this is my funeral. And then I come out and dance. Holy shit. It's awesome. What is this? What's the call? Is it on like a flatbed truck or something? Yeah, it is, right?

It's on. I think it's on a skateboard. People are flipping. It's rad though. It is a good night. Guys, it's hard to shock these days. She did it. She did do it. Please just take a minute out of your day to listen to this.

I dig farts. It was perfect, right? Yeah, that was great. I mean, the timing, the setup. Yeah, it's good too. He hooked you up because he was like, I thought he was going to talk about life underwater. Sure.

Yeah. The timing was perfect. Can you play that one again? Hi everyone, I'm Marina. This is Grace. Hi, I'm Grace. We just want to do a quick video. Since I can't go live because I don't have no followers yet. If you're texting our men

or in botanism on any social media, you better bat the fuck off. And we will fuck your asses up. You don't want to play with us. Go find out where you live. We don't care how far our drive we have to go. Our men have no problem texting us because they're loyal and so are we.

I have been with mine since middle school and I am now 20. Oh wow. Starting tomorrow. She has been with her man a long time and we are not praying when we come to Starman.

There are a lot of our kids. Well, I have kids. She doesn't yet. And we don't appreciate you guys sending pictures of your body parts to our guys and asking them if they're single. Because obviously, they're fucking not. You see that

my name is with his name for a reason. They're not single. And they're not single. So bat the fuck off. We'll find out where you live and fuck your world up. Maybe stay in Starman when we're done with your asses. Have a great day. Bye.

Holy shit. That was pretty crazy. Also, I think that these girls should include photos and handles of their men so we know who not to include. Yeah, we got to know. What a photo, what if I'm doing it. But also, what do you think that guy,

the guy who farted? Oh, Kevin Sam. Oh, he would. First of all, there are men who date you. You have men. I'm assuming these men make $25,000 to $35,000 a year.

You on the left, you play for the Titans or who you play for? Would he say shit like that? Well, he wouldn't rag on someone who's not. He was giving solicited, someone solicited to the the greater masses. But the people he would talk to

were asking him. So they'd be like, I'm single and he's like, and you want a man who makes like $304,000 a year? And he'd be like, what do you weigh? That was his first question. What do you think you are? Rank yourself on a scale of 1 to 10.

They'd be like, I'm a 10. He'd be like, I'm sorry. You're what? He'd be like, no, he's like, you're not a 10. We both know that. So what do you be honest? They'd be like, hey, he's like, no. He would just basically give them

a reality check. He would have a scale of other things. How many children do you have? What kind of baggage are you coming into this relationship? And to dudes, there's not as many clips of them out, but you can find them of him, like a guy. Oh, it's great.

He would be like... You'd make what? And you think you deserve like a... You think a woman who's like a 10 is going to fuck with you? So he'd rip on men too? Oh, yeah. He started as a consultant for men.

And then he moved to women. Please just take a minute out of your day to listen to this. Thank you. You know how some people fart I know exactly what his butt holds. You do? Especially those little flaps at the end.

Yeah. It was snappy. He has a good diet. I don't think that's like... Yeah, that was like... But he's trying to hold it in there at the end. Because he knew it was TikTok, it was short. So we had to get it out. Oh, that's not nice.

Jesus Christ. No wonder you left LA. You can't do this shit in fucking California. It's a crazy thing. Is there some context here? Well, she's singing. She's singing. Oh, I know that song.

Jesus Christ. I will always love you. Is that the Dolly version or the Whitney version? I think that's the Whitney version. That's really, really good. That's really good. It's a cool app.

Oh, man. I'm not seeing a lot of faces in the booth. Everyone's hiding. Is it hot in here that I'm wearing a fucking muffin? Someone sent him soccer. LOL, look at this. He's seen the artistry in it.

Is that DJ Nails? Basically, just... What is happening? Oh, he's got the tool belt on, too. What is this? I think he's a rapper? I'm not sure who I know. Eddie, who is that?

Cool. That ain't my tribe. Where are you from? Is that... West Coast or East Coast? I think this is Midwest. I feel like it. Can you look up at Tee's toes, Zolo,

and get some context? I'm pretty sure it's a rapper. This is not a bit, really? Oh, no. Are his raps hard as nails? I mean, nails around your face? It's not a smart decision. You could poke your eyes out.

That's a tough shower. That's a different one. What's it like to wash your hair? Tick-tock. Tee's o-toes. T-E-E-Z-O-T-O-E-Z. T-O-E-Z. T-O-E-Z.

Tick-tock, yeah. It's like you didn't know. Discover Tee's o-toes. 59.8 million views. What? Damn, dude. I can't be it, right? It could be it. Hey, you guys got like eight billion nails I can borrow?

This guy's making it. So he's got them on all the time? Oh, my God. Nail origin part one. How about that video? You see that in the second row? Second row, second to the right? Heavy metal only. That's a good slide. I know you caused some damage.

I know you cut yourself by accident. It makes you appreciate it. You see everything in detail. So I just started looking around my crib, seeing like tools and nails and stuff. So first I put nails in my boots. Then we start putting... Talk about the first line you put in his hair because I know you caused... And if you scroll down back in that last page, is it all...

Like he's always got them on? Yeah. But does he do anything? Like does he do... Is there music? I think he raps, yeah. I mean, we think he does, but we haven't... Okay. Well, that's not good.

He raps about how tired he is. He can't go to fucking sleep. That's fucking incredible. Jesus Christ. How does he sleep? We're right. He can't take all the nails. Is it a wig? I don't know. It seems like a real commitment.

So a lot of people have asked to see videos of Betty feeding, and this is an example of that. Up towards the top where that little pink bow is, that is her head. And what they do is they create a suction on the person's skin. And then they inject the herudin, which is the anticoagulant that they have, along with some numbing agents in their saliva,

that help you not feel the rest of the feeding process. And they'll be on there anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour. Yeah. As they start to get full, they will make this really strange movement with their body that you can see in the video, where they kind of contort back and forth.

And it's kind of like a digestive dance. And they usually do it right towards the end when they're preparing to detach. But yeah, and then when they're done, they just sort of drop off. So this is a whole leech vibe I found

where people have pet leeches. That's how they used to cure shit, right? Yeah, but it didn't really work. They didn't cure anything. I want you to know that I didn't like that video. Anyway, she's got a friend, and the two of them will show you how they feed their leeches.

That's pretty cool. That's a New York subway. Wild. He went to the Boiling Crab. You know that place? It looks like it's super good. Oh man, it's so messy. Oh my God. He didn't crab on the subway.

Your hands get so filthy. On the subway, bro? These fucking Chinese apps, man. It's crazy. I don't have TikTok. I know that shit was going on. Jesus Christ. I kind of hate the Boiling Crab for their presentation.

Here's a bag of barf, and we're going to throw it on newspaper. I'm not a dog. Why can't you put this shit on plates, dude? He's eating out of just a garbage bag like a dog. It's horrible. Gross. This is also New York City.

That's tight. So this is an account where this guy can work. That I can get behind though. This is cool as fuck. He was washing his ass before. Yeah. Will a city worker come and grab you out of there?

It doesn't look like it. It doesn't look like it. Let it finish. I don't know, because it seems like LA and New York are similar in that the people don't do much. That shit would not fly in Tennessee. No way, right? No way.

Here, somebody would fuck. Thank you, write the fuck out. Our founds are not for washing your balls. No. Hey folks, don't scroll. I've been off here for a while. I made a mistake and drank some battery acid

that one of my workers put in a water jug. Didn't do much good from my mouth. Anyway, I thought I'd pop on here. Say hello and talk to you later.

Hey. He drank battery acid. Can I tell you something? Is that what they tell you what to do if you drink battery acid? Get on TikTok and make a video. I like that he started with don't scroll. Don't scroll. I accidentally drank a bottle of pool water

that my kids had refilled. We had this by the pool the other day and they refilled it with pool water. I opened it and took a swig. What the fuck is this? I could see how that could happen. If some idiot puts battery acid in it. I don't know.

I was drinking stray water. We talked about this somewhere my mom said that I'll just drink any water that's left out. I'm going to stop doing that. You think he looked like Brad Pitt before? Probably. How about he looks exactly the same? How cool is that?

That's pretty cool. How strong they are is unbelievable. Isn't that amazing? Yes. It's like a full size antelope. Just carrying it up a tree with his mouth. So rad. Is that a cheetah?

That's a leopard. Can we get a leopard? Yeah, they're easy to have around. In the backyard? They would not kill Betsy for sure. I'll bet Danny Brown's got a leopard. I bet he could get one. He could just hear me out.

You know what I mean? It's just a security. At night we could just let the leopard patrol the backyard. We'll be like, where are your friends? Don't hurt us. But during the day we keep it in a cage. But at night it's just patrols.

This is a great plan. I do love this. This will work out for sure. That's for Pat Monkey. Are we having two small sons? Yeah, except that one could probably rip your fucking eyelids off if it wants to. I know.

But isn't this exactly what it's like having a six-year-old boy? We want to hurt you. Stop hurting me. Your kid into physical torture? To you? Not like that. Not in fucking Wuhan.

Is this patient zero here? I don't know. Oh, shit. Isn't this how it started? Yeah, pretty much. So we're just playing around with one. Yeah. Whoa, that was a video?

That was a video. Tell our listeners what they just missed. It's a really cool guy. He's a gentleman wearing just some cool gold shades and then he just licked his lips over and over and over and let you know that he's down. This is part of my horny Thursday

compilation. So Thursday night, TikTok gets turned fucking up. Is that what happened? It starts on Thursday and then ends on Sunday like clockwork. Dudes get so fucking horny and ladies. And they get drunk alone and make the hornyest talks. It's too fast.

Is that what happened from this? Yeah, somebody. Yeah, somebody's into that. Yeah, somebody's like, oh my god, I love your lips. You're so hot. And then he gives them a lot of attention. Somebody's got like a fetish for like unattractive dudes with licked lips.

Yeah. It is crazy that only dudes like, well, not only because I've seen some crazy chicks. This could have been what, horny Thursday or horny Saturday? Or it could be at his job because he looks like he's in a corporate

lit environment. This doesn't look like his house. So I don't know. He could be waiting to get off work. And then that was his thing. Very cool. It's cool that he's got a job where he's allowed to lick his lips. You're doing your job. You're fine.

You're doing your job. You're doing good. Shit! Any upcoming dates anywhere people can see you live? I hate naming dates, but it's all on my website. We're touring right now. Like I said, sold out the rhyming,

playing big shows, finally playing theaters. Moved up a notch. I don't want to brag, but we're making the kind of money where I can come home, I can pay for the bus, we're at break even. I don't want to brag, but I come home with nothing finally.

Instead of negative. That is one of the tears. The whole crowd is singing along. You're like, oh shit, this is break even money. You know, people say there's levels to this shit, and one of those levels is break even. Oh man, I never thought I'd get to break even. But it's cool. It's cool.

I don't know how they fucking these fuckers figured it out, but they're like, yeah, you sold 2,000 tickets. Break even. I'm like, what? Can I see the numbers on that? Well, we're just so thrilled to be a part of your ascent. You've been with us since the beginning. I never had to tell you the big news.

We set the alcohol record at the Ryman. You did? Wow. I don't know who keeps those records, but they called and told us. It's amazing. They broke the record. Most beer at the Ryman, that's gotta been some crazy nights. That has to be... You should have asked for the details on that. No one would know. It's gotta be insane.

If you set the record there at the... A buddy of mine who was out there said it was just continuous. They didn't have to turn the tap off. It was just on the whole time. It's amazing. If I was at your shop, I'd be drinking beers, too. What else do you have to do? Getting ripped.

The new album Sex, Drugs, and Country Music, you can listen to it anywhere that you can stream and listen to. Stream and buy? I don't care how you listen. No, just listen to it. Just listen to it. Tell your friend. Do what I did. Steal off the internet. Send the music videos to your friends.

Can you text an old BP about it? Yeah, for sure. And you'll let Natasha Leon know about it? No. Really nice. Can we let the Irishman know about it, too? Yeah, we'll definitely let him know. As always, thank you for coming in, man.

It's my pleasure. I love what you guys built here. I love that you guys are in Texas. I love you guys, period. I love everyone. It was so nice to me except Nadav, who fucking big-time me. Yeah. But other than that, it was really cool to be here. Well, you heard it.

Check out all his stuff. There's four albums. They're all fucking killer. There's great music videos. And, yeah, it's always a pleasure to see you. And we'll see you guys next time. Hi, mommy. See you guys. Hi. Okay.

So this is truly a conversation. Tonight, say, let the conversation begin. Okay. Okay. Home stuff. Snake stuff. Meat stuff.

Okay. Home stuff. Snake stuff. Meat stuff. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Yes. Yeah.