Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 662 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: June 29, 2022

Tom Segura and Christina P welcome you back to the Mommy Dome! We talk about not recognizing Luke Bryan, a cool girl that teaches you how to manipulate men, and Nadav gets scolded for more mistakes! The main mommies discuss Top Gun, Christina getting non stop compliments on her pants, working casino gigs, and the grief cruise they're going to take. Then we watch some Horrible or Hilarious clips involving lions, bike tricks, dance battles and cowboys. We talk about browning abroad, disgusting pig habits,  Gene Smart bringing the cringe, and kiss greetings in different cultures.https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com/ https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast

I have to say, as a wife, you scored in that. I'm a pig too. I literally do not see water on the sink or like the dish towel is not folded, babe. Like I don't care. Honestly, the men I've lived with are cleaner than you. Thank you. Thank you.

Yeah. Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house. Oh, Sattva mattress company. Is there a mattress I love more than my Sattva? There isn't. There isn't because I've slept on all of them. I have the Lumen Leaf. I'm on the Solare right now.

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Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Yes! Have you ever seen a moose go down that quick? Holy cow. That was great.

What a boner that guy is. Yeah. Just glassing by Joseph G. Just glass. I got a moose. I got a moose. Just glass. He's so excited.

Yeah, and then Hunter, is he down? Just like Luke Bryan, the country singer. Country singer. He's like, is he down? Is he down, Hunter? So stoked to killing stuff. I didn't realize how exciting it is to kill stuff. That guy.

That guy's like the biggest country star. That's how I know. Isn't it crazy you can live in a country like this where there's 330 million people and you feel like you're dialed in on, you know, pop culture, like whatever. And then we see this guy going like, is he down? And we're just like, look at this fucking hell building.

And everyone's like, that's the most popular country artist. I know. I know. Like, we have no idea. No idea. We have no idea who that guy is. And he is a wildly successful country artist.

But you know what it speaks to is the decentralization, if you will, of the media. Because back in the day when there were just channels 247, maybe 1113, that's all people know. Now. I know there was like six radio stations. Yeah. Yeah.

You can be super famous and nobody knows who you are. Even when cable started, it wasn't that many options. But now, I mean, it's kind of cool because, you know, like we have a following and a level of fame, right? Like some people obviously know us and I'm sure most people don't. And they'd be like, you do what? I know.

You do a YouTube show? It's funny because, yeah, I'll be on an airplane and then somebody will be like, oh my god, mommy. And then everyone else is like, who the fuck is this dumb bitch? Yeah. Do they say that? They're like stupid fucking dumb cunt bitch. And I'm like, that's weird.

OK. Can I tell you a new phrase that I learned? Yeah. What are you thinking? What phrase? So I saw the guys from Zarface. They came to visit in Boston. What up?

Shout out to SO7L. Yeah. You. And did you like that? It's my raps. That was really good. And and SO told me he goes, yeah, it's called parasocial. It's a new type of relationship, a parasocial relationship.

I know that. Yeah. So like you're. I had not heard that term before. Parasocial relationship is one that like a fan has with like a celebrity or an entertainer kind of through social media, but it's not an actual. But they they get invested, right?

So something happens to this person and then they're affected by it. Well, it's a parasocial relationship that you have. You don't actually know that person on any level other than your your investment through like, yeah, social media. So so that's what I'm saying. When somebody recognizes me, it's it's it's a it's a very intimate level. Yeah. So then other people are like, whoa, does this chick like really know

this other lady? Yeah, right. And in a way they do. Which takes us back to is he is he damn. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that guy, like we should know who that guy is.

Kind of. I mean, I think if you're I think if you're top, but here's a big great example. When we I mean, obviously we live in the US, right? And you you get just you're in this bubble. You don't realize sometimes that this is not everything. Yeah. And they do like the the top earning athletes list. And it'll be so many soccer players.

Oh, right. Unless you are and there are obviously a lot of soccer fans, but it's not like the rest of the world. And you're like, who the fuck is that? And it'll be like some dude that, you know, is not in the regular conversation here and they'll be like this guy. And you go to a Spanish guy. Yeah.

Or some like fucking, you know, just like somebody in the UK. That means United Kingdom. There you go. But it'll have like 60 million Instagram fans. Followers like, I know, you know, you're like 60 million. Is this and then we're just like completely disconnected. Well, yeah, unless you are a passionate soccer fan, you know, yeah, the Americans aren't very into it's grown.

It's grown a lot. Really? In the last decade, it's become much more popular in the United States. Yeah. I mean, the broadcasts are now like prime broadcasts on NBC and and they'll report on it like Sports Center will do like full soccer coverage. They used to just do like World Cup, but they'll do like Premier League and La Liga stuff.

And and you know, it but here's the thing. You leave this country. That is the first thing that is reported on always when it comes to sports. Always, always, always. Oh, I remember when I started listening to BBC and Al Jazeera when the Ukraine thing started, right? Yeah. And it was literally like Ukraine is being bombed by Putin.

And next Chelsea's soccer league has been sold. And you're like, really? It's that important that, you know, Manchester United. Yeah. When I did when I did my semester in Madrid, oh, my God, I love that. You could not find other sports news. You couldn't. You'd have to like go online and seek out like websites.

They didn't report on anything else. Amazing. Yeah. Now, when they do soccer interviews, are they as boring as the American where they're just like a try. We tried, we got defeated. We did not win. Sometimes they're, you know, the players are usually pretty, you know, like like boring, you know, they just.

Yeah, you know, we got to keep it. Sometimes you get like real personalities. That's what you're flashing ones. Well, there's a couple. There's that. Yeah, I think he's just retired. What is his name? Ian East of it.

The guy he played for the. I think he's a Swede by birth and he went to. He played after post retirement with L.A. Galaxy. I'm freaking. I forgot that L.A. had a team. Beckham. Fucking just testing you. You know, he's the fucking.

Oh, my God, we got to find him. I know there's a million people screaming his name right now, but he. He. He's the cockiest. That dude's fun to watch, right? Like he Raphael Garcia. No, no, no. How about maybe Swedish, right?

Famous Swedish retired soccer player for L.A. Galaxy is what he did. But that could be like a million guys. There he is. Ibram Imovich. Oh, yeah, Zlatan Zoltan. Yep. That dude in an interview is hilarious.

Because he's like, there is God and there is me. I like shit like that. Like he's he's fantastic. Like that's fun to have a player that's that. Cocky. Talk some shit. Yeah, talking a lot about practice. You know, sometimes they're cocky, but they like mask it in humility.

You know, I mean, they'll be like, well, you know, the thing is someone of my level. Like, but it's still like kind of modest, but he doesn't do. He doesn't play that shit at all. So I really enjoy that. Some of the coaches are fun, you know, in soccer because they're like still smoking shit like that, like that, you know, they're in Europe. They're like, oh, that's my favorite. The South American ones are like, what are you talking about rules?

But anyway, I like that. Oh, we got away from it. But OK, I like that. This is a whole I got to find this because I cut a moose. Let's glass glass. This might be just glass. The coolest clip ever. Oh, and it's not even a dude.

Hey, girls, I want to give you girls a little bit more tips on how I manipulate men. And I told you, girls, when you first meet a guy, listen to everything they're saying because you can use their strength and their weaknesses against them. So, for example, if they're a businessman and they're constantly bragging about how good they are, their businesses are going, you can say, babe, I know that you're struggling a little bit, and I'm not too sure if you can help me out.

But A, B, and C, D, this is what I need. They are going to be triggered. Be they're going to be like, wait, what do you mean, babe? I can help you all. I'm not struggling financially. Like, what are you talking about? You are triggering a motion out of them to get something you want. Isn't that awesome?

She's rad. It's dark. Very dark. Yeah. So very exciting stuff before we get into this amazing woman that we have discovered. First of all, I want to say my apologies to Frankie Guignones, who was here recently, who's last in my mispronounced multiple times. No one called me out, including Frankie.

He was very, you know, sweet and polite and could have said something and I wish you would have, but he didn't. And the reason that I mispronounced his name is because it was written incorrectly on the profile that I had for our guests. We get little profile breakdowns and it was written that way. Do you know who prepared that profile for me? I'd like to take this time to apologize for how I misspelled his name on the on the one sheet that I gave you.

It's not my first language. It's not my second language. It's there's no excuse for it. I'd like to apologize. Apology accepted. Well, thank you. I mean, how could he write that, though? I guess it's because Guignones is like more common.

You know, but he doesn't know that. We don't have those squiggles in any language. Squiggles. OK. The accent. Yeah. You guys. Oh, my God, the accent.

I was kind of over that. Like I was. I mean, it's embarrassing, obviously. Yes, it's out there and everybody's like, why'd you say his name wrong? It's fucking idiot. Like, no. And then I come in today and I'm like, hey, can I get some water? You did not Ozarka him. He gave me a Ozarka.

Do we drink Ozarka? Never. I mean, never, never. Look what I have. Did you guys at your personal status when I say it wrong? Avion, Avion, Avion, this is my personal stash. I brought this from the airport because I won't fucking drink that. Why are we drinking Ozarka? It's toilet water.

It's toilet water. I was unfamiliar with where the the Fiji stash is. And that was cold. Yeah, no, I thought I appreciate that. And it's got minerals. No, it doesn't. It does. That's stripped. It's not purified.

It's natural spring water. OK, that's that's at least OK. Minerals is nice. And it's local. But I mean, this is Tom Segura. You know that I have my preference. Wow. Luckily. Zolo came through, which brings me to good job, Zolo.

Thank you, Zolo. Good job. Baby Zolo, the youngest member of our staff, by the way, he just graduated college and he knew where the Fiji water was. Which gets me to this. You guys went and saw Top Gun, too. Oh, my God, I'm so jealous. We did. And you enjoyed it, right?

As a staff. We genuinely loved it. Yeah, good movie. Yeah, it was it was sad. It was action packed. It was funny. It was pro America, hard dicks. Yeah, beaten the Russians. Yeah, America's good.

Can you bring up dicks? So yes, because I like dicks. I'm a woman who likes dicks. I like masculine energy. You know why I like you? Because you got a nice hard one, a nice big hard dick. That's why I like you, babe. You're not a fucking limp, softy.

I like men and I miss my masculinity. I haven't seen the film yet, but I'm just saying this is the fifth time you've talked about the film, you say it's got these hard dicks in it. I don't think that I don't think that they're in the movie. I mean, metaphorically, I like that they're kicking ass and taking names and playing volleyball. And they're they're in this the locker room

and they're talking shit, Iceman, Maverick, you know, Goose. I like that. Yeah, I like that. Slap in each other, sweaty. They're always sweaty talking. I think there's another film I could show you. You might like you might like it a lot. That's right what you're looking for. So with that being said, you guys are.

Your fans of the film and then you came up with like call names for each other. Yeah, we all we all have call names now because like the fighter pilots do. Right, like there's like in the original, there's Maverick, there's Iceman, Goose, the new one, you know, there's Rooster, there's Hangman. Jester, Rooster, Hangman, that's cool.

What about Puppet? I used to I have I have call names for you guys. Oh, yeah. Oh, what is it, Tommy? Well, I mean, I guess they're going to change. But is it appropriate to say on Mike? I think so. Yeah, I think it's good. I need to edit this part out.

I think we will, but let's go for it. OK. So for you, I call you Capital J. Oh, that's a good one. That's actually a slightly better version than the one that I came up for me. What is yours? Well, hold on, hold on.

I call Zolo Baby J. Yeah. All right. I call any little bucket. Well, bucket, I like that. Honestly, I don't hate it. Buckets kind of tight. But what are your names? What do you what do you call each other?

What are your new call signs? So the one that I came up with for me was Hard K. Jesus, my God. OK, do you know that there are people listening who don't even know that slur? Like Jen Ziers have never heard. Yeah, because Chase, you know, my little baby opening act. She does not know that word.

I guarantee she does. She was raised in a loving household. Yeah. Dang. And OK, so that one's mine, Chad. Danger Bone. Oh, I like Danger Bone. That's a really good one.

We got Danger Bone with Zolo. Catch Rag. Cat drag. Cat drag. Cat. Catch Rag. Excuse me. He just graduated. He just graduated. Catch Rag.

Yeah. Like catching come in the rag. Yeah. That's cool. Very nuts. Cool. And then Annie kind of went through a couple different waves of it, but I think he settled on something. Yeah, I settled on Black Hawk. That's tight.

Yeah. Aka BBC. It's good. Black Hawk. That's tight. Yeah. I think I might change mine to what you called me. I think that might be a little bit softer. I like Big J. Capital J.

Capital J. I think that's better. See, but but in the original Top Gun, they were all one words, like Hollywood. Yeah, yeah. Jester. Yes. Maverick. Yeah.

I'd be like Blondie. Right. Or like Big Tits. Call sign. Huge Tits. I think Blondie wouldn't probably stick more. Hey, Blondie. But it would be funny. They wouldn't be like, hey, Big Tits.

You ready? Like in the cult in the tower. They're like, Big Tits are cleared for landing. Can I permission to fly by the tower, sir? That's what they do. And did he do that again? Did he do a fly by on the tower and rattle that guy's cage with a coffee?

And I mean, spoiler alert, he didn't ask for permission. Never does. Maverick never does. That's why he's the Maverick. The motherfucker is like 60. Yo. And he crushes it in this movie.

I mean, he always does. The guy knows how to make a great entertaining movie. And going into it, I thought I'm like, oh, Tom Cruise. He's going to make like a fun little cameo. Main character. It crushes it. Yeah. Is he an instructor at Top Gun?

Cause that's what he said he wanted to do at the end of the first film. I mean, I really don't want to. Okay, okay, don't tell me. Okay. I'm sorry. You do this every time. I know, I'm just so excited.

Motherfucker. Can I tell you why I like Kelly McGillis? That was the blonde, right? In the first? Sure. May I tell you why I love her? So they asked her in an interview if she was offended that she wasn't cast

in the second film. And she's like, no, that would be horribly inappropriate. I'm old and fat now. Isn't that amazing to have that self-awareness? Yeah, sure. Yeah. She's like, that would be so weird. I'm a super fat model.

You know, like what about Tom Cruise? And she's like, uh, that's Tom Cruise. Yeah. That's so cool. Okay, have you seen him? It is crazy that that man is six, I mean, it's maybe like 59, isn't that cool? It's wild.

Can we Google him? Can we look at him? Sure. Why not? I mean. 59 years old. What is he doing? He actually truly does look better now

than like when he was like, he's like 22 in that other picture, right? It's amazing. Yeah, he looks better as a man. 29, if that is 30 years exactly. He looks better now. He really does. I wonder what level shit he gets done

that like is not even accessible to the general public. He's doing all kinds of crazy shit. You know what I mean? Like when he calls his doctor and he's like, hey, I just want to, you know, the face. And they're like, we got you. We just killed these kids in the Middle East. And we're going to give you their blood.

And they're like, all right. I'll see you in the PM, my man, you know? It's all aborted fetuses. It's all like stem cells. Yep. Like he, yeah. Yeah. Yep.

That's all I brought these back for you. Oh, no, man. My eyes look bad today. I'm still sick. They're all puffy. Yeah, now they look worse. No. Linda Richmond.

Looks like. You know, like a Jewish mom, capital J. Do you need something to eat, sweetie? You know what I- You're calling names mom with J. Mom with J. I made just a matzabos soup. Ugh.

I know what you're saying. I did. I made some for us last week. You know, I'm, I want to get back to this lady because she is honestly the coolest. So just as a quick refresher, what are you doing there? Could you make more noise? What are you doing, man?

Got to take this out and clean my glasses. You know this is an audio medium, right? God. I'm sorry. Okay. Babe, you know I'm retarded. I know. I'm not farther.

Nadoff, I love how I'm like busting Nadoff's balls on the one thing I know, which is the countries in the UK. Honestly, that's like the only thing I know cause I lived in England for a year. It's the only reason I know it. Okay. Retarded. Here we go.

So just to remind you guys, this lady starts off just, she's a hustler, right? And she's like, oh, when you meet a guy. Listen to him and use what he says against him. So she's like, you know, if the guy's like, I'm very doing great with business, be like, oh, I know that, you know, you're not, you know, maybe you can't, you know, swing it,

but like I need help with this stuff. And it'll trigger him, like in his insecurity to be like, no, I can help you out. It's a good way to trick him into giving you, it's wild. Do you see where I'm coming? And you girls are like so scared. Y'all just have to be bold for this and make it sound very innocent.

You do not want to offend him. We can do this with our baby voices. If he's a doctor, you can use his strengths against him. Like he's super smart. You can say, babe, I know you're just a doctor, but do you know anything about this? He's gonna be like, yeah, just cause I'm a doctor doesn't mean I don't know.

He will give you full on details on everything. He'll probably even do research to tell you about this topic. Like use these guys' strengths or advantage to get what you want out of them. Fucking. The coolest. I mean, she basically was like, you know, you need research done.

Jesus Christ. Hit up a doctor and be like, do you know anything about it and see if he will? God damn. For example, if he used to say he used to have a really abusive dad, you can call him later on in the relationship. This is all fake.

You can make up a fake ass story and be like, baby, I just got off the phone with my dad and he was yelling at me and he told me like, he's not paying my car insurance anymore and I just don't know what to do. I don't know who to talk to. Do you have any advice? Now that he has that kind of connections with you

and the dad relationship with his, he is going to step up and he's gonna be like, well, babe, how much is it? How much, how much is it? You know, like, are you okay? Yada, yada. It's all a big ass mind game. Jesus.

She is. She's the coolest. Fucking. I mean, this is like, we gotta get a new portrait up here. I know. We have to put a special spot for her because this is other level awful. I mean, yeah.

This is kind of what mystery was saying. What worse. Negging. But that's just to get pussed. She wants to ruin this guy's life. It's just about getting him to pay for it. But can I tell you the big giveaway, actually, honestly, if you're a guy and you're like,

oh, I'm hesitant about if a woman that you're dating, like starting to date asks for anything. Like ever, ever plants the seed of like. Give me stuff. I need, I need something right now. That is the sign. It doesn't have to be manipulative and like, you know, like she's doing where like it's like fucking with your head.

It's like, nobody who goes out on a date or two should be hearing like, God, I really need new tires. Yeah. Like, you know, like that's. I know. That right there is your sign. It's so weird. And so you only fall for it

if you're just desperate for it at that point. That's a good point. That's a good point. Yeah. No, I mean, it's completely inappropriate. I could use some new tires. You know, like if when that shit is dry, like a couple, a couple of dates in, if someone's asking for stuff,

it's you couldn't, it couldn't be more clear. It's like, babe, my phone bills do, I can't pay it. But that's so evil that she's like, find out if he's got daddy issues. Yeah. And then you manipulate based on what his things are. That's really dark. I mean, if you really want to, you know,

like have fun with somebody like that, if they're like, God, you know, my car insurance, you should be like, oh yeah, you know, there's this website. Well, they'll compare all the auto rates for you and they even switch over for you. Go to that bitch. Yeah. If you should, you should tell them.

And also by the way, renter's insurance is really important if you don't have renter's insurance. Just give them all that. Just see them be like, yeah, I know. She's getting high level guys, it sounds like. Well, yeah, I mean, she's, you know, that sucks. She's a pretty girl.

Her titties out, at least one of them is. I don't know if the hair is covering the other one or if it's missing, but she has a nice left breast and a pretty face. And there are people, you know, these are pariahs. Like there's psychos in the world. They really, they really are. This is a person who is just out.

And actually I think this kind of person cannot be fixed. Oh no, she's a sociopath. Yeah, you cannot get this girl to change this behavior. You can like isolate, you can put her in an environment where she could do less damage, you know, but this person will always be out to get to get to take and will not and will never feel guilt about that. But what kind of thing you could do is,

if someone like that, and you could just fucking throw them off that balcony. She's pretty high up right there. I hate her. But what kind of guy falls for this? This is, remember, cause we had a friend, we had a guy friend who was falling for that kind of stuff. Do you remember?

Yeah, of course I remember. You don't have to go into any more detail. This is like you being like, spoiler alert. Yeah, of course I remember. You know, it's clear, of course. Like it's, she is the same as a wild animal, a cat. A toddler or something, yeah. No, no, I mean, like a lion or a cheetah.

Everybody assumes that those animals attack other strong animals. They don't. They look for the weak ones. That's true. They look for the old and the ones that are falling apart. Somebody like this seeks out a guy who has a job. You know, there's guys that have like good jobs,

but they're insecure, you know, like she could just tell by their appearance or in a quick conversation. Guy who's really savvy and on it, she's going to walk away for a second. She wants the guy who's like, sweet, you know, sweet guy and she'll just be like, yeah, you know, I'm just like, give her a little attention.

Oh, attention, yeah. Show up with, yeah, with that kind of outfit. And the guy's going to be like, yeah, because he just wants the affection, the attention. I know. To me, it always seemed like this is so much more work than just getting a job and paying your own bills. I know, but you know what it is though?

It's about the win. That's what's creepy. That's what drives her. That's what's scary. What really fuels her is that she got the guy to do it. She got, she planted her seed, she does her game because the thrill is in the game for her. Ooh, that's dirty.

You know, finding the guy, talking to the guy, planting that seed, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then all of a sudden your insurance is paid and she's just like. That's what she likes. Yeah, it's the thrill of the win. This bitch is a real psycho. She's a real psycho.

Yeah, she really is. There's more. Use their strengths against them, their weaknesses against them. And even when I was telling you girls like in the beginning, just listen to everything they're saying. So you have an idea on who you're really talking to, how the way you can talk to them.

Cause it's just like a very like first psychology. Think about it. You tell somebody they're not going to do something, they're going to do something to prove to you that they can, especially if they can do it. You know what I mean? She's really cool. Yeah.

Remember I told you girls, oh, boost the fuck out of their ego. The reason why I tell you girls to do that is because I want you girls to break their ego before you ask for something. So let's say before you ask for a phone or something to get paid, you can be like, babe, back then did they have phones?

So you can remind them that you're the prize and he's older than you. He's going to be like, oh, yeah, does this that? And then you can ask him for something. Cause now he's reminded, oh, I'm, she's the pretty girl here. I'm the one that, you know, she's the prize. Gotta put these guys in check sometimes. She don't pack nobody's lunche.

Yeah. No, no, no. Never. Not one lunche. She no packing. I mean, she crazy. She think she all that. Dude, she ain't that cute.

I'm sorry. I said, you like her? Do I like him? Yeah. Fuck this shit. Fuck this shit. Fuck this shit. I would do some damage to this shit if we fucking,

if we, if we hooked up, it would just be a battle of that shit. But the reality is she's playing games that don't exist. It's like she's saying, use their strengths against them, use their weaknesses against them. What do you got to put these guys in check? What is she even saying? It was like.

Well, she's, she's playing the, she likes to play mind games and she's kind of trying to break down that she is a real manipulator. So she's might not be like communicating it the best way, but I understand what she's, she's implying, you know, she would, she would get to know you. She wouldn't be like this. She'd be sweet and like sexy and fun.

She'd be laughing, smiling. She'd be, she'd be trying to seduce you. And as she's seducing you and being like, what do you do? She's collecting information, you know? And then she'd be like, oh, you got, oh, I like your car and I like this, I like your clothes. Damn, you always have like cool clothes on. I wish I could get some cool clothes.

You know, like she would. No, she would be like, you dressed like shit. No. Right? No, no, no. Well, I thought she has to put you down first. No, no, no. I think she would, she would definitely. Oh, first she builds you up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She would do the, it would be full seduction, you know? You know what though? And then she would flip things on you when she needs the thing. When she needs the thing. She would also listen, like if she would try to get you to speak.

So try to get you to share information. And she's retaining all the information so that she can pick the thing to push at, you know? She's a cool girl. She's very cool. You want to bring her home to mom? Yeah. But you know what I'm thinking is if,

if her motivation is money, like why not just wife up some sweet nerd who's like, you know what I mean? Like then they can nerd. He'd have to be a whale for her to want to do that. A whale. A big baller. Oh, okay.

You know what I mean? There's not that many people out there that like, first of all, like you have to have access to somebody like that. To nerds, yeah. Yeah, and then the nerd has, if he's that successful, he has tons of options. Got you.

Oh, so she's going for like the outliers, like the older guys. She's just going, she's like a, you know, she's your typical gold digger basically. But she's like, instead of keeping it to herself, she's making posts about it. But yeah, she's a, I mean, she's savvy. This is an intelligent person for sure, you know?

She knows, she is like clearly going after older men who have money to pay for things. That's like in complete MO. But yeah, to answer your question, if it was a guy who was like, you know, fucking multi, multi, multi-millionaire, she probably would want to like latch on to him, but she probably doesn't meet those men, you know?

Well, yeah, like just make like, make some nerds life better, you know, like put your titties in one guy's face and like make his life fun. I think it's not, that's not the thrill though. She's not a sweet lady. She doesn't have good motivations, like I want to love. It's also, that's not exciting.

Cause somebody like this, they want the excitement. Yeah, of fucking people over. Of like, yeah. Which is cruel. That's cool, right? Who doesn't love to fuck people over? Unless she lands that whale, you know? Which is probably...

Shit, her titties ain't even all that. You know what I'm saying? They're a little hangy and shit. Like she got them dog titties already. She looked like she'd been breastfeeding. My titties look like that. Okay. What I can say, I'm a girl.

I'll just want to say this right away. I think you're a bad person, but I like your tits. They're a little flat for her age. I think she's already breastfed. So, anyway, cool chick, a big fan. You traveled recently this weekend, you had big shows. And one thing you pointed out is that your pants were a big hit

with a certain demographic. That's right, Tom. So I wear these. You can go try Google, Burberry. They're like Burberry check pants. Check pants? Mm-hmm. Okay.

And I've been wearing these on the road. I like to, yeah, there they are. The one on the far left kind of, those, yeah. So they're just like, you know, those basically. And so I wear them on planes. I like to look a little nice. Man, I got like, on this trip alone, five black people complimented me on my pants.

Like I was walking through the airport and like a black dude stopped me. I was like, excuse me, excuse me. I love these pants, these pants are fire. Where'd you get them? And then I had to like have a discussion about the pants. I mean, my black approval rating is so fucking high right now because of these pants.

Really, no better compliment in the world, you know? When a black person compliments your fashion. It's really. It's the best. It's really up there. Yeah. Yeah, you know you're doing something right that day. Yeah.

Yeah, it's a major boost to your ego. Yeah. Yeah, it feels good. It does feel good. Yeah, so I've just noticed it. It's happened before in other cities, but predominantly on this trip. So that was kind of cool.

And then when I wear those off white shoes that you gave me, those get a lot of black approval as well. So I take those out on special occasions. Come on, we're here fucking talking to you. Yeah. Yeah. Please, please. So on my travels this week,

I got to go to Atlantic City. I mean, come on. Oh, there they are. Please, get out of here. Yeah, fire. Get the fuck out of here. Do you black people stop you in the airport? Well, you don't fly commercially.

Yeah, what's an airport? I know. You mean do the guys loading my bags onto the plane say something? Jesus. Actually, they do. No, I do. I fly commercial sometimes.

Really? Yeah, last year I did a couple of times. But yeah, I did. So anyway, I heard a few good things on my travels this time around. The flight attendant on this flight, she was giving the pitch about the credit card, and then she was like.

No, Jesus, the credit card. The fucking credit card, dude, nobody wants your credit card. The whole plane shuts down during the credit card pitch. Remember, it used to be a thing when they started with that. Some people were like, I'll do it. They'll do that fucking like, and with the Visa reward card from American Express,

the American Airlines, you can, this is good for 60,000 miles. That's two round trip tickets. And then they like, anybody and everyone's like. Nobody wants it. We don't want your credit. Well, especially because they do it while you're landing. So like the flight's already been four hours.

I don't want to get the pitch for the credit card right now. Like it's the last thing on my mind. I just want to get my bag, take a shit, go home, see my kids, like, you know, fuck your credit card, lady. So she goes, she goes, and if you're not familiar with the program, and I was like, oh, familiar, dude, I forgot that one. So I texted you and Ryan Sickler immediately.

I was like, I heard, familiar. Firmiliar. That's a good one. Photographer, familiar. Photographer's great. Photographer, I hear a lot, yeah. But familiar was pretty radical. Yeah, my photographer, he takes photographs.

Photographs. Stupid bitch. If you're not familiar, I'm like, familiar. Yeah, so another cool thing I got to do on this journey is like I went to Atlantic City at the Borgata, right? Yeah. And dude, it's like you step back in time because people can smoke cigarettes indoors still.

Yeah. And I got to go eat at a buffet. For the first time in three years, I got to be like elbow to elbow with nasty people and like get diarrhea the old fashioned way. Yeah, yeah. And I didn't realize how exciting the buffet is. It's so overstimulating.

Dude, Google the Borgata buffet. It's like legendary. It's like $80. There it is, dude. And I was, first of all, you stand in line like it's a fucking ride at Disneyland. It took us a half hour just to get in, Chase and I. You know, in Vegas, the equivalent base of the one

people everybody talks about is the Wynn buffet. Yeah, that one's good. Same thing. And here's the deal, man. Here's the fucking deal. Here's the deal, man. You got to have a high price point. I think it's what makes it high quality.

And obviously it doesn't like keep people out. Like there's a line there too, but it raises the bar on everything and it's top quality stuff. I haven't been in a while, but I did go to that. That was when I used to work member of Vegas Weeks where I'd be like, I'm in Vegas for seven nights. Our thing is that the group you would roll with

would be like, we're gonna go to the Wynn buffet one day just to like make this week worth it because we all want to die and kill ourselves while we're here. I remember. Because we're spending seven days and nights in Las Vegas. And little do you, you don't know this, but when you work a casino, you don't get to eat the same food

that the casino goers do. You eat with the staff if you're really broke, like what we were. And that is underground. You have to go underground. And then it's like a horrible employee buffet. Yeah, it's terrible. It's like.

It's terrible. It's like cafeteria food. It's so awful. And it's so funny how depressing those weeks are because you're in the place that excites everyone to go to. Like they're like, oh my God, like, you know, this one I'm doing this year,

I'm going to Vegas with my friends. And it's the thing they look forward to the most. And you're like, I'm working in Vegas for a week. I'm like, for a week? That's so cool. And you're like, it's not cool. Because you don't see daylight. You're inside.

You have shows, generally. You have one show a night for about five of the nights. And the show is usually like a 10. So you have all fucking day to sit in a Vegas casino. And it's probably like one of the mid, it's not like a super night. It's like a mid tier one where you're like, you know, you don't mind it,

but it's not like, it's not great. And it's a place that just wants you to gamble or buy things. You're like, I can't do this. So you got to find something to occupy your head while you're, and you get to like day three and day four and day five and you're like, Jesus Christ. It's so awful. Was it Harrah's you worked right after we got married?

I worked every one of them. I worked all of them. Old Orleans, remember that piece of shit? I did the Orleans. I did the Riv. I did the Sands. I did the Trop. I did, I did Harrah's.

Yep. Yeah, I did so many of them. What's that? The old part of Vegas, too. The old strip. Downtown Vegas. I did a few Nuggets. I did those gnarly ones, too.

Talk about oxygen tanks and like scooters. And the way they get you, by the way, because like most times when you're working as like an upcoming comedian, most of your weeks are like Thursday through Saturday or Thursday through Sunday, right? So it's like three nights, four nights. They have you work Monday through Sunday

on the Vegas weeks. And the way they get you is they pay you just like marginally more. So you think you're like, oh, that's more money than I normally make. But by like the third day, you're like, I shouldn't have done this. I want to die.

That's so boring. I would just always take it because it was work. Of course. I can go and work. We took all the gigs we could. Every gig. I took gigs. Every gig.

In Afghanistan just to have a gig that week. I actually did take a cruise ship. Like there's always this thing about cruise ships, the comedians. I accepted the offer and something happened. Like I forget what happened, but something like threw it off, you know? Yeah, I do remember.

This is like when we lived in downtown. Yeah, why didn't you do that gig? I don't remember. It wasn't because I was like, I'm not going to do it. Like I forget. I think maybe they canceled the cruise or something. You know, something happened. But I remember he was like, I was taking it.

And it was like, you have to do the meet and greet. Like the welcome aboard. I was like, just talk about the ship and make those. That'll be like 15, 20 minutes. And then you'll do, I think they wanted me to do three shows or four shows. And then there was like not heavy demand. It was like 30, 30.

And then like maybe that, but like two of the shows you had to do no cursing. And then two of the shows you could. No, at the time I saw it as a challenge and I knew I could do it. I was like, I can do these 30, like this material and just keep it clean. And then he's like,

and you can do the dirty shows after. And I was like, yeah, I'll do it. And it was a, you know, it was a decent offer. Like it was not, it was more than I normally would make in a club. But I forget why it came up. But yeah, I mean, I would have done that gig. Crewships are rough because you're held hostage

with the same people. So, you know, you're going to eat your breakfast. And that's like, hey, funny guy. And you're like, oh God, I'm gonna die. Or like, hey. And you're just like, I'm not funny all the time. I'm sad right now. Yeah, yeah.

Crewship, I'd like to be left alone. But, so I forgot like the sheer giddiness of a buffet. Dude, like I was so, I had adrenaline pumping through me. Like, like, cause I haven't seen that much different cuisines of the world in one area. Like it was, I went to Italy. I went to China. I went to the Caribbean.

I went to Japan. All in one thing. It was so gross. Like at one point, I would take a bite of orange chicken and then like cut into a ravioli with like cheese and meat. And then- You're excited. It was fucking amazing.

Imagine the thrill of being like a 400 pound person. And going somewhere like that. And you're like, this is why we play the game. I know, I know. This is what it's all about, you know. And I see that. The capacity they have. And they're just like, this is everything.

This is everything. Well, I mean, that's why I'm so like, look, my inclination is to be 400 pounds. I would love to be 400 pounds and just give up. But I'm fighting the fight. I'm fighting the fucking middle age fight. And it's so hard to not go to the buffet and eat three plates. I eat three plates worth of shit.

I was so stoked. At what age do you think you'll sign the fuck it like form? If I make it to 80. Oh, 80? What? That's old. I thought you were gonna do it before then. So you'll work until then?

Oh, I'm sorry, work? Like fight the fight? No, put in the effort to like try to maintain. You think of 80? 80s when you just fucking throw in the towel? I meet McDonald's every day smoking. I'm gonna pick up smoking cigarettes again at 80. I'm gonna start taking oxys.

I really like oxys. I'm gonna start that up again. And then, right? Cause like who fucking cares if IOD? Yeah. I don't give a shit. My kids are fine. I'm gonna do something like real crazy when I'm 80.

I think I'll make it. Like, you know, by that time the boys will be like, what's up with this will, you know? I'm just gonna get like a crazy boat. And they'll be like, what the fuck is this? And I'm like, it's my money. Fuck you, you know? I'm gonna be like, how much was this?

I'm like pretty much the whole fucking thing. It's not much left. What kind of grades did you get? Yeah. I hope you have a good job. And they'll be like, well I thought you were leaving it to me. No.

No. I'm like- This is our money. This boat is fucking rad. I'm gonna go out to sea and die now. Bye. Yeah, I probably will die with a drug overdose. I feel like that would be the way to go.

Especially you're gonna die before me, cause men do. No, I mean, statistically speaking, the guy goes first. No, that's true. Statistically it's true. So once you die, I think that's when I'll start to be like, fuck it, I'm weighing 500. I'm going to the Borgata buffet every weekend.

I'm just chartering out. That is fucking, one of the coolest things is like eating through like a real, you know, like a death, like grievance eating is like- It's real. Not only is it real, I'm saying, it's a fucking rad way to go, you know? Like if people are like, what are you eating?

You're like, my husband died. And then you're just like, I'm just eating like crazy of 5,000 calorie meals. See, we always come up with great business ideas on the show. Yeah. Grief cruise. Grief cruise.

You get on, they hand you an oxy or heroin. It's like a tray of whatever you want. You start your drug use on the thing. But it's only a week. So you have to, you have to, you have like a week to really go crazy. It'd be crazy if you could make someone's heart stop in a week just with food though.

Like not the drugs, but like they board and you're like, open your mouth. And you just shovel like Fugra. And they're like, oh God. Like they feel their system slowing down. They're like, woof. And you're like, there's going to be a lot more of that. And it's just like every meal,

it's like cheese and bacon and pork and, you know what I mean? Wagyu A5, Wagyu B for them just like, oh God. It's the artery clog or buffet. And we do scans every day like, oh, you're like 60% clogged. Oh, it's your suicide. It's your last cruise. It's your last cruise, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. But I do like the idea of like a fuck it cruise. Like literally it's any vice you want. So there's obviously gambling, eating. But then we add prostitutes. By the way. Cookers. Honestly, nothing better.

And the fact that we like, you know, stigmatize this in our society is so silly. It's so stupid. Like people want to fucking bust a nut and let them do it with like, let them pay for it. What is a fucking problem? I agree. What is the problem?

Really. I don't know what the problem is. Especially for consenting. Regulate it, test it, keep it safe, let people fuck. Let people fuck. Especially on a cruise. Yeah, on a cruise. And then, cause you're on an open sea.

So the rules don't apply. That's why they can gamble. So why can't they do prostitution cruise? I'd love to get milked on a cruise. Of course. Everybody wants that. And then they hand you an AK-47. Oh my gosh.

And you just shoot it off the fucking time. As you get in a BJ, you're like do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Right? It's the best cruise of your life. And they hand you fireworks. And then you're like, these are illegal in most countries. Not here.

And then you just throw fucking fireworks. And you pass like this and they hit the button. And it slingshots you out in the ocean. Right? No, this is just grief cruise. This is like a week of just like debauchery. But then at the end of the cruise, you have to go back to life.

You have to clean it up. Well, there's gotta be something on the way in that kind of calms you, right? Like you have to have debauchery for like six days. And on the seventh day, there's like a prayer circle or something to be like, all right. Yeah, like a meditation. Yeah, you need to like regulate.

Yeah, that's a good point. But your system's going through, you know? Okay, so like a detox. Yeah, like detox day. Yeah. And on the seventh, it's like steam, sauna, you know. The hooker's still because you should still come. But like, they're like, do you want,

but maybe like day seven, you're like, I'm done coming. I don't have any. There's something a lot of come. Yeah. There's no come in these bulls. It happens. Sometimes you're like, I don't even want to come. How about on day seven, we cry.

Crying would be good. Grief cruise. And then you finally, they break you down enough that you're ready to like actually feel your feelings. And the hookers take off their makeup and you're like, oh no. And that's when you start crying more. There's that guy, he wrote ayahuasca.

That's a great idea. Yeah, day seven's your ayahuasca trip. He wrote ayahuasca. Yeah, it's, you guys should see how he types these. That's hilarious. Yeah, but that would be dope. But I think it would be, yeah, you want that like type of experience to, you know, reflect.

Yeah. And be like, okay. There should just be a place you can go, like when you're just at a fucked up point in your life. Yeah. Where you're just like, I don't know what, like everything's so crazy. Yeah.

Let's just take this cruise and just do what the fuck we want. Yeah. And those are therapists. But there's also shrinks on board so you can talk and stuff. Yeah. Like therapy.

If you want to deal with your feelings. I think I want to stick to the buffet and the guns. The no feelings cruise. Yeah, no feelings. Yeah, I think you're talking about a place in Jamaica. I think so. Keedinism? Keedinism.

Yeah. Keedinism is so gross, so gross. Anyway, anyways. I'm not kidding. What in the fucking world is this? Holy shit. What are you seeing there, Gene? There's holding up traffic, towing a boat.

This guy's towing a boat in a rascal. He went to the buffet before. He's trying to get over. Oh shit. This fool, this has got to be Florida. Feels real Florida. Well, it looks like he's actually in a motorized wheelchair. It's not just a rascal.

It is a wheelchair. And he's pulling a boat. Which is actually not to make this about this, but that is a great advertisement for that wheelchair. Because it's a wheelchair with a towing capacity of a few thousand pounds. Yeah. It's impressive.

That is impressive. Goodness gracious. Yeah, I mean, do you think he sold it? And he was like, all right, I'll bring it to you. Hold on, I'll bring it to you. And he shows it. He's like, dude, you should have let me come to you, really. You didn't need to do that.

I mean, any policeman sees this. It's a wrap for that dude. They're going to be like, detach yourself from the boat. I mean, I'd be worried about him stopping suddenly. That boat, can't that hurt you the momentum if you break suddenly? I'm sure that could hurt quite a bit, yeah. There's a lot of things that could hurt.

Then again, he might not have a lot of feeling left. He might need our cruise. Yeah, yeah. Physically, I'm saying. Oh, oh, sure. There might be a below the waist loss of feeling. I heard, yeah, I got you. You know what I mean?

Mm-hmm. I'll tell you what I want to do right now. And I hope you feel the same way I don't laugh. Ha ha, no laugh. Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, Charles, what's up? It's. Oh.

Good. He's going to use hand, babe. I wouldn't. Well. That was bad. If you're listening, a man was toying with a lion on the other side of a fence. He was touching the lion through the fence.

Touching the lion. Yeah, yeah. He really was. Yeah, yeah. And the lion was clearly showing signs of aggression. Yeah. This is a grown, full-sized lion, male lion. And then his finger got stuck in the lion's mouth.

And it looks like he may have lost one of his digits, I think, when he pulled free there, I think. Well, can we start, can we see it again? Because he senses the lion's anger and he's still like messing with it. He absolutely is. He's like, ah. He was being cocky.

Yeah, what a dick. See, he's like, he's like, tickle, tickle the teeth. Those are clear, clear signs of aggression. There he goes. Fuck. I look at their videoing, these bitches. They don't even help him. Nobody's helping him, hilarious.

That is. I think that finger is, I think it's gone. That lion got a snack. Yeah, I think that finger is gone. Gone, daddy gone. If it's not gone, it ain't gonna work the same. That was terrible. There's no more.

I know. Pointing. I know. Can you believe that he taunted it? Yeah. And that thing was like, I don't know. I mean, it's kind of a thing where I think most of the world would be like, nope, I don't want any piece of this.

Nope. Anyway, verified, hilarious. I do like this new lane of us, like finding people getting attacked by lions and tigers. This is so cool. It's fun. When your lion and tiger attack videos, they do make me laugh.

Like, you're so fucking dumb if you're messing with a lion. Your mom's podcast at gmail.com for lion vids. There's no, there's no, a reminder, there's no house in the email. It's just your mom's podcast at gmail.com. That's because when I registered that email, like a million years ago,

it was a retake in your mom's house. All right, number two. Oh. Oh, my leg snapped in half. Fuck. Fuck. Oh, my god. Fuck.

Fuck. Number one. Oh, fuck, bro. I did not. That's a good one. You usually don't like leg stuff. It's very true, I don't. But here's what's the different about this one,

is that you don't actually see it snap, but he does have a fun yell. He does have a fun yell. Oh, I like that one. How did it break? I was trying to figure it out here. Oh, I see it. You see it.

You see if it slowed down. You definitely see it. Oh, my god. You can see it's broken right there. The left one? Yeah, because it hits the pavement. Yeah. Like it. Yeah.

Bro, bro, he snapped that shit in half. Hold me. Fuck. Oh, fuck. His leg lands on it straight. Look, his leg is locked. Yep. And then.

Ba-bow, ba-bow. Right there. I don't like this one anymore. Bam. Right there, his foot is completely on another level right there, huh? Hey, shout out. Shout out to, this is a year ago, I had my injury.

It was a year ago that you were injured. Yeah. But I didn't know I had snapped it. Took you by your shirt and I hate it. Then you fell on your own. But he knew that his leg snapped. I didn't even know mine snapped. Oh, yeah.

He really knew. Yeah, he knew. Yeah. I didn't know. I thought I just twisted my ankle. Oh. Good call. Thank you, Nadov.

Oh, my leg snapped in half. Great, come see me do stand-up comedy live. Oh, one more time. Oh, fuck, bro. July 15th and 16th, Washington, D.C. at the D.C. improv. July 29th and 30th, Manfrindisco at Cobb's Comedy Club. One night only, July 31st in Meat Rattle.

Washington at the Neptune Theater. Cleveland August 12th and 13th. Many Apple tits, August 26th and 27th. I'm doing one night in Brooklyn at the Bell House September 7th, the night before Bell House. Obviously, September 8th. Nashville, October 8th. And yeah, and then Jewdork titties

at Caroline's November 4th and 5th. Tickets at christinapeonline.com. Brad. Check out my new special, Mom Jeans, if you haven't seen it yet. Yes. And by my merch, I got some dope ass mom jeans merch. The shit's fucking off the chain, yo.

Yeah, it is. Thanks to everybody that has purchased in any form, hardcover, e-book or audio book. I'd like to play alone, please. My book, I appreciate all the messages and I am very, very thrilled that so many people have gotten it. I appreciate it.

Please, if you haven't yet purchased it, please consider doing so. Recommend it to a friend. I really appreciate it. Such a good book, Jean. I'm really proud of you. Thanks. Your writing is impeccable.

It's so funny. It's very nice of you. I laughed, I cried. Yeah. I threw up. I ate it. What? Well, it's super gross.

I know. Um, I was a laugh. Ooh. Yeah. You did shit to me, you little nigga. What? You're gonna stop talking back to me. That's not what I'm talking about.

You know. You can't do it or you can't do bitch or concrete. I don't even know what I fucking saw, honestly. I think I put it together. So they were having a dance battle in a mall. Yeah. And the one guy was doing like, well, he was doing, well, there's only one guy

whose turn it was. And it was pretty aggressive robot stuff, but it kind of dated. You know, they're like dated moves. And still impressive. And then the other dude said something to the effect of like, you're gonna have to come up with some new shit. We're getting tired of this old shit.

And that guy who knew his shit was old, was like, well, fuck you, you can't do it anyway. You can't do these. And he was double burdening them, giving them the double burden. And then he was like, and check this shit out. And he tried to do something a little more advanced. And I think he landed on his head

and possibly knocked himself out, at which point a onlooker just ran away. I think I described it correctly. Am I wrong? Yeah, you nailed that. Yeah. Yeah, that part was pretty amazing. Like this dude's like, man, you need some new shit.

That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. That move you know. Yeah, you got it. You can't do it. The more you can't do this, the more concrete. He did a forward, he ran, he ran. He's like, uh-oh.

He was just like, you know what? Authorities are coming. I'm out of here. Dude, he did a front flip and then just landed flat on his back. He did, he's fucking, he knocked himself out. Why did he think he could do that? That's a silly thing.

Ego. Yeah. That's why. Right then he was like, fuck you. I'm gonna do some wild shit right now. Oh, you did? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now he's paralyzed.

Yeah. Well, I don't know if he's fucking paralyzed. Oh, sorry, you don't know. Yeah. All right. And finally, the final horrible hilarious of today. Because so far we have three hilarious ones. That one's hilarious.

Here we go. Hold him, hold him, hold him, hold him, hold him. Stay with him. Hold him, hold him, hold him, hold him, hold him. Close the gate, close the gate, close the gate, close the gate. Get out, get out. Close the gate. Just close the gate.

What'd you think? I'm not LOL-ing. What did you see? It's a guy on a horse and the horse is bucking. Yeah. He's riding that Bronco and then he gets slammed into the sidewall and probably knocked unconscious. Probably more than that, but yeah.

I mean, look, I think riding horses is crazy to begin with. It's just not for me. They're beasts. They're fucking insane. And they're always like, you gotta tame that thing. Like, no, I don't. It doesn't want me on its back. There's a reason it's telling me not to do that.

I don't need to do that. Yeah, and this guy got fucked up by a horse because that's what they fucking do. I fucking hate horses. Do you still hate horses like I hate horses? Yeah, but these might be life-altering injuries. I hate horses. Shit, dude, because he's strapped in.

Close the gate, close the gate, close the gate. Yeah, close the gate, just close the gate. So what happened was he slid off the horse, but then it looked like his leg was still stuck in the stirrup. He slid off the right side, but his left or his right leg foot was probably still in, so he's dangling. And the horse ran alongside a wall

and just slammed him full horsepower into it. Yeah, yeah. These horses don't give a shit about you. No. You love them and they don't care. They will fucking kill you. No animals. Remember when we watched that lion

drag the old, sweet grandpa by his neck? He raised that lion because it was a cub. The lion grabbed him by his fucking throat and was like, argh! Yeah. Yeah, guess what? Yeah. Animals aren't people.

They don't have compassion, memory, the way we do. They don't think about us the way we think about them. Definitely not. You know why? This is insane. They're fucking animals. Yeah, they're animals, bro. Stop giving them human traits.

They don't give a fuck about you, bro. This horse does not give a fuck about him. Not at all. He's not gonna like, is he all right? Doesn't care. Look at him, he's like, la, la, la, la, la. He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like. He good?

You wanna get on again? You wanna try again? Yeah, and these dummies do. Can you imagine doing that rodeo stuff? I know. And the fucking lion guy. That's wild. The saddest part of his injury

is that they had to put down that lion. I know, I think so too. Yeah, that's what he said. That was the saddest part that they had to put down that lion that I loved. And I'm back at it, I'm back at my cat park. Pet and cheetahs and jags and spotted leopards. You know, I think there's an argument to be made

about learning from your mistakes. Like, for instance, that movie Soul Surfer where she's like, oh, the shark bit my arm off, but I'm back in the ocean. Like, maybe you shouldn't go back. How about you learn from your misfortune and just don't do it again? How about you save your other arm?

She's an impressive, impressive girl. I know that, but like, listen, if I got chomped by a lion or a shark, my days of swimming in the ocean are over. My days of petting lions are done. I've changed my life completely. Well, yeah, I mean, I wouldn't be swimming again. No, are you done?

Why are you going back? And it's like this noble thing, like, well, she gets back on the thing. Like, you don't have to do that, sweetie. I'll still shoot hoops, but I ain't jumping. No, that's right. Right, and I'll never run down the stairs again in the dark. I learned that lesson the hard way.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, what are you guys doing? Stoops. It's okay. It's okay to give up the thing that mauled you, you know? Of course. I think they think they're doing something like that deserves applause by doing that, you know?

And I'm all about resilience and fighting through stuff, but sometimes you just go like, I'm not gonna go back to that hobby. I'm done. I'm done riding horses, fuck horses. Done. Done. I'm gonna pee real quick.

Took a little breather. Yeah. Took my dong and went like that. You squeeze it out on the toilet. Get that last drop, yeah. You know what's weird is that we don't all share one toilet anymore, and I do feel less connected to all of you.

We all used to pee and shit in one toilet at the old office. There's a lot of piss and shit in there. It was pretty cool, I think. And we had those cool neighbors. Well, what are they doing? It was funny because one time the toilet got clogged, and so the building maintenance sent out, like said, you know, called the plumber.

They came out and they're like, oh, this pipeline is like stuffed with whatever, paper, wipes or something. And then the neighbor was like, well, it could have been you guys. And the plumber was like, no, no, it's on your side. It's from you guys. And we were like.

Yeah, you fucks. Yeah, you fucks. Let's be clear, they weren't Americans. Okay? So. Do you think there are foreigners that they shoved everything down those pipes? Which is strange for them.

A lot of the foreigners throw it in the trash cans. I know. Trash can full of shit. I know. Remember, one time we went to Tulum, Mexico, and you got sick. You had a cold. So sick.

And then I. And I got stomach. I didn't get a cold. I had like wild, wild diarrhea. Stomach shit was fucking terrible. Did you? I got what you get when you go to Mexico. I know.

And we stayed at a nice place. There was nothing to do with that. Yeah. I know. And like, it's so. So we trusted these fools that were like, go out and eat in this restaurant in Tulum. And like, dude, I remember I was just like a mole.

I got mole. It was so good. And then I was like, oh dude, that mole is coming out now. And like, you know how nasty it is when you have diarrhea in Mexico and then you have to wipe and then put that shitty napkin next to you.

It's the worst. It's the worst. It's terrible. Yeah. It is. Mexican diarrhea. There's nothing like it. It's very unique.

It is. One time I, in Vera Cruz, back in 1998, I drank a Marg with ice in it, not even thinking like a fucking idiot. And I came home. I had diarrhea for two months. Two months. Two months.

And I lost a lot of weight. I looked great. And, but I was poor. I was a college kid. It was like, we did it for like road rules or whatever, we went to Vera Cruz to challenge some other cast. And I was like, do something's up.

And then by the time I got like Cipro, it just went away. I'm pretty sure I had like some kind of tape or a rumor. Yeah. Mexican diarrhea. And it smells different. It's like, it's got its own jam. When I would go to Peru a lot as a kid,

man, first thing like every, like, you know, they always take care of the gringos. They're, you know, it's like family. They're like, do not drink. Do not touch the water. Don't touch the ice. And then, you know, if we, if they were cooking something that was prepared

with like, they're like, that's fish. You can't eat the fish. The fish was from the water. You'll die. Like, it'll be like such sensitive systems, you know? And then down there, it's just fucking like they eat rocks or something or just like, it's fine. But yeah, inevitably at some point in your trip,

you'd eat something, you were like, uh-oh. And it would just take you down for a couple of days. Same in Hungary. Every time I go back to Budapest, I like to eat the same few dishes, but by day four. Yeah. Fuck, dude. You know that I fucking, when I went to,

I went to Budapest on my last tour. Yeah. And I escaped the house. Everyone had a stomach virus and I board the plane and I'm like, I'm fine. This is crazy. Good, yeah. And I land, I go out to dinner,

I have chicken paprikash. And the next morning I'm like, ugh. And it wasn't the paprikash. It was not, I caught that bug. But it didn't hit until I got there. Fucked me up. So only time I've done stand-up where I was throwing up during the day,

I got to the venue and I threw up at the venue. And I was like, I think I might throw up on stage. Oh my God. Like, I don't know how I should do this show. And it was just like, and they were like, do you want it? I mean, I'm sweating. I looked, I was a wreck. Terrible.

And I finally, I was like, no, no, let's do it. And it was because I was sick that I didn't check my messages and didn't get to meet Rocco. He was going to come to the show. And that's the biggest tragedy. Greatest tragedy of all time? Rocco, you could have met Rocco Sifredi.

Yeah, and he was going to be like. Oh, we met him on LA one time. Yeah, but this would have been different though. He was going to be like hanging out there. Go fuck some girls or something. I know, I know, I know. I want to watch you work. Let me show you, let me see what you do.

He's like, my pleasure, my pleasure. Yeah. You know what? You see this, you put up your hair like this. Yeah. By the Danube. My favorite story that I saw him tell. Cause he is known for his aggression, you know?

Like his, he's like, but there is a affection and there is a care about them, you know? Yeah. And he's like, I'm shooting this movie with a Russian actor. And the first thing he does, he takes the girl and he punches her in the stomach. And I go, what are you doing?

What are you doing? And he goes, I watch you, I'm doing what you do. And he's like, not like that, not like that. And I had to talk to him about that this guy was like, who fuck her? Okay, hold on. I just watch your movies. And he's like, no, no, no, I love them.

Yeah, I really wish. Did I talk about this? Forgive me if I've mentioned this. Yeah. It just occurred to me recently how wild it was that my parents sent Shauna, my best friend Shauna and I to Hungary in the summer of 1993. Did I talk about this on the show?

I mean, you've probably mentioned this before, but not recently. But you know what? Like, but now looking back contextually, how fucking insane that was, like my dad, our parents were all like, go to Eastern Europe, spend a month there, whatever. We were like 17, just turned 18.

Communism had just fallen, which means like the economy is unstable, the government is unstable. The Russian mafia had just come into Budapest. And literally my friend, we were girls, 17, 18 year old girls run in the streets of Hungary. And there's no telephone in the apartment that we were staying at.

Do you realize that? Like, if I wanted to call home, Shauna and I had to walk out of the building, down the street to a phone booth and be like, hey dad, I'm still alive. Meanwhile, the Russian mafia, literally they ran a strip club just down the street from where our apartment was.

Like, there was crazy shit. We could have been snatched up like that, dude. I could have gone worse. Could have been. It was crazy. I thought it was crazier. The government had just fallen. I think it's crazier that when I was 14,

first of all, my parents sent me to Peru unaccompanied at 11. Okay. Just get on that plane. They're like, he's a savvy kid. He's, you know, like he's adult-like. And I was just at Miami International Airport, the fucking, Miami, by the way,

might as well be goddamn Baghdad. I don't know what the fuck is going on or happened going on in my, but they're just put me on a plane. Like I'm at the airport, flying just like, I hope my uncle's here when I get to Lima. No cell phones, no pagers in another country. Crazy.

And then at 14, when I'm there, 13 turning 14, the, is the big summer of the shining path, just blowing shit up in Lima. And one night they packed 2000 pounds into a taxi of dynamite and drove it into a building. And that fucking shock wave was so immense that like we felt it in the house that I was in a window crashed open.

I called my parents that next day. I was like, yo, there was a crazy terrorist attack here last night. And they were like, yeah. So you having a good time, buddy? But I'm like, what? I was like, do I need to come home? They're like, nah, you're fine.

I'm like, why aren't you worried? They weren't worried at all. I know. And then I went with my uncle to, there's a city called Ayacucho in Peru, which is like a more rural, indigenous, and it was the headquarters where the shining path would congregate.

He brought me there and we had armed escorts, but I don't mean like a bodyguard. I mean, a vehicle with soldiers with guns in the front, a vehicle with soldiers gun in the back, multiple police in front and back. And I'm like, this feels real crazy. And they're like, yeah, your uncle's a target. And I'm like, why am I here with him?

Like they're like, well, you know, I want you to see what's going on. Yeah, yeah. But that's how they used to do it. They just send you to the old country, put you on a plane at 13 or 14. Don't worry about that. Andika's going to pick you up.

And you're like, I don't know where I am. And you have fucking foreign aunts and uncles feeding you crazy shit. Yeah. Yeah. They just threw you out there in the wild. Pretty crazy. That is crazy.

Yeah. It's wild to think of it. And then what happens is like 30 years later, you know, bring that up to my parents and they're like, yeah, yeah. Probably, probably could have done that better. What are you talking about, man? Yeah, we couldn't even call home. I used to have to go and think about that.

It was a pay phone. And I had to go down to the quiche abece is the name of the supermarket and get like a calling card, international calling card, figure out the fucking country code. And you know how you figure out the number? You're like, I don't even know how to call. I would call my dad like once every.

You guys were probably once a week. You probably have the time of your life there. We were nocturnal. It was amazing. We would, here's what we did at 17. So we had this dope ass apartment on a gale arpeggio. This is the gale arpeggio. How'd you have the apartment?

So my stepmother and my father decided to buy an apartment there in Hungary because my stepmother was from there and she liked going back frequently. So they're like, let's just get a property there. So we had a place. She's hot by the way. She was very pretty.

Very mean, cold, hearted inside, dead inside. She looked like Rocco would have taken to her. But she was very pretty. So we go there. So here's our routine. We would go out all night, partying, drinking, getting ripped, come home on the Vilomus, like the public transportation

when the sun was coming up, go to sleep, wake up, go eat at, not shakey's pizza. There's one in the Váciutza round table pizza. Okay. Eat a pizza, a deep dish. At what time? One a piece. We wake up around 3.34.

In the afternoon? In the afternoon, go to fucking shakey's. I'm sorry, it's Pizza Hut. It's Pizza Hut on the Váciutza. Shout out to the Váciutza Pizza Hut. And this is like when communism just fell. So they did not even have tomato sauce on the pizza. It was ketchup on the pizza.

That's how like horrible Hungary still was. It was still Russian communist. It was not cool. And then go and party. And it was a dangerous time. This is not like, this is an unstable country. Yeah, but you haven't tell me your life. Having the time of our lives,

homey like mafia, Russian mafia everywhere. So what's the problem? Why are you complaining about it? I was so scary looking back. You're like, so dangerous. You're fine. So dangerous for two little American girls bouncing around Eastern Europe.

I mean, you could have been cut up and thrown in a trash can somewhere, but you weren't. Shawna, one time, swam in the Danube. You're not supposed to do that. No? No, you can't just swim in the Duna. Well, all this is bringing me to this point. It's finally, we have an update.

Yeah. Oh God. One more day till the magic happens. One more day till Friday. We all know what happens on Friday. Tiktoks go off. That's when TikTok gets heated up. I wonder what the master manipulator girl

would say about him, you know? He ain't got nothing to take. Peanut butter? Just that peanut butter jar. How would she get that? I don't think he's giving it up. Thank you. Even for all the pussy in the world.

And he's like, nah, not my peanut butter. I get it. There's days like that. Yeah, there are days like that. Don't you take that jar? Yeah. That's all I have. Bagels for breakfast this morning.

But you know what else I do? I put cucumbers on top of my bagels. So I'll put this jalapeno cream cheese on. Sorry. And then jalapeno cream cheese on cucumbers. I'm telling you, it's a great topping. It's crunchy, it's spicy, and it's just yummy. She's out of her fucking mind.

No, that's not great. So amazing. There's so much going on. Well, I mean, first of all, you just, this is a real misdirect, you know? Real curve ball. Because you don't think that she is the type to do this. You know what I mean?

Like she just looks like it's gonna be, it looks like it's like some nice kid's mom who's like, I like to make this crazy sandwich and thinks that that's content, you know? I like to put cream cheese on my, yeah, a lot of people do. And then she's like, I got a crazy fart right here. And then it goes right back into her fucking video. That's why it's so good.

And then she goes, can I tell you something? She's insane. Interesting. She's insane. Sorry. And then, jalapeno cream cheese on cucumbers. Yeah.

Is that really good? So good. I'm telling you, it's a great topping. It's crunchy, it's spicy, and it's just yummy. She's so crazy. She's real crazy. And may I point out? Yeah. None of that looks appetizing.

I mean, to you. Like her bagel looks all nasty and like picked out and it doesn't look appetizing. And then her cream cheese looks nasty. Like everything looks, it's not a fucking bad. I can tell you right now that dating this woman is a fucking nightmare. What?

You don't think she'd be fun? No, because you know what it is? She is a real rules, like she doesn't let you live and do what you do. Oh, that is annoying, yeah. She's like, oh no, you gotta do it like this. Oh, you should eat your, you should have cucumbers and spicy cream cheese on your bagel.

And you should, that bagel is just like, you know what I mean? Like where it's just like rule after rule after rule. Rules, rules. Yeah, and it's like, you know, oh, you know when you do that, you gotta put that in the sink and make sure you put it over here.

You dry it with this towel, you don't want to dry it with that towel. You put it in like, that's how it, so you just be like, I gotta fucking go. Like there's, there's chicks. I think it's a real chicks thing where you're like, man, you go out one day and you're like, holy fuck. Because they like tell you,

it's like the equivalent of when you're in Europe and you have an American go, you know in America what we like to do. And you're like, stop saying that. I don't care what you like to do. Like just, they just tell you how they do. Like this one would just tell you how you should do things. Over and over and over.

That's so true. That is such a girl type who is very clean and everything has to be folded. Like the napkin has to be. You should fold it like this. You should fold your shirts like, I don't want to fold my shirts like that. Why didn't you wipe the sink after you brushed your teeth?

There's water everywhere. Like that, that woman. The sink is where water goes. Yeah. I have to say, I have to say as a wife, you scored in that I'm a pig too. And that I don't see, I literally do not see water on the sink

or like the dish towel is not folded, babe. Like I don't see underwear on the floor. I don't see any of that stuff. You got, you're definitely not hard to be around in that regard. Thank you. I mean, you will trim your beard in my sink and leave it looking like a bunch of pubes.

And I'll take a picture and laugh and put it on Instagram. But I don't get mad at you. Well, you know, there's no way I would live with someone who would give me a speech about how I do think. Oh, I wouldn't either. I can't. I'm a pig.

That's just who I am. No, you are. Yeah. I don't see stuff. I don't care. Honestly. The men I've lived with are cleaner than you. Thank you.

Yeah. It's not close. What's the grossest thing I do? Probably the flossing on the ground. So, because like even before the show picked up on that, it was like a thing. You know, I used to be like, oh, there's a, there's actual floss, like dental floss.

I'd see like dental floss and you're like, why is it always on the ground? And then it took me a while to put together you were just like flossing, just being like that. That's fucking insane, you know. But the flip side is I also am not somebody. I don't lecture. No.

You know, I don't like lecturing people. Like when you're visiting someone, even if you're like guests at someone's house and they're like, start telling you how they do things. I'm like, I gotta get the fuck out of here. Like, I just let people do what they do. Like, you know, there's basics obviously. You're like, don't fucking put your feet on the table.

Shit like that. But like, you know, other than that, like I don't really care. I don't really care either. I think it's cause I was raised in part by a single dad. You know, like I spent so much time with my dad, my dad's house and like- Do you have a lot of rules?

Nah. No, I was like, pippy longstocking there. I can do what the fuck I want. I was a feral dog. But he's not very, you know, well, you have to fold the thing. Like we ate off paper plates, paper towels. I don't think I used a napkin in his house my whole life.

Really? He's a bachelor. So I was very aware of what bachelor life was like. It wasn't a shock to me when I met you and I was like, oh yeah, this guy's a fucking animal. Like, there's no soap in your shower. You sleep on a mattress on the floor. Well, that stuff's normal to me.

I'd seen it with my dad, you know. Hi everyone, happy Sunday. This is my new favorite shirt, Oasis. Came in the mail two weeks ago. I want to see Liam and Noel bear the hatchet and reunite the band. Have a good day and a great week, everyone. Bye for now.

Like the audacity, first of all, like this is the guy that put out that he was at the S&M conference. He got the award for like best slave pig or whatever. Yeah. And now he's writing that cloud. Like he's writing that high of like, oh, I'm S&M champion, 2022.

And now he's like making demands on Oasis to get back together again. Like, who are you? I like this shirt. It came in the mail two weeks. People give you those details. I bought this at a mall in the valley. It was about 17 days ago.

And I like it. There's a dating show you should be on. Jesus Christ, weirdo. But to make demands on the Gallagher brothers, like who the fuck are you? And are they watching your TikTok and Noel and Liam? I'd like to see them marry the hatchet. Okay, shithead, we all do.

We all love Oasis. You don't think everybody wants that? Yeah. You think you're fucking special because you have the shirt on right now on TikTok? It's an absurd, the narcissism is just absurd to me. And also. I want to see them bury the hatchet.

What the fuck are you doing? Wearing a shirt and no collar. Where's your dog collar? No, you're the champ. Yeah, no one even knows what you are when you don't wear that collar. Yeah, where are you staying this weekend? I read poetry and sonnets,

and he plays the upright bass. Yame kipiebo, sedere fecibo, wind on a latin, he quotes. Eugé, sabre serré. Well, he bit all the heedogs and winked at all the sheedogs.

The town never knew such a hullabaloo as that little dog raised till the end of that day. We just have a good rhythm together, you know? He sort of feels me out, I feel him out. And we go for it. What if? What if? What if?

What if? What if? What if? What if? What if? What if? Hold on. Just hear me out.

We've been together for 17 years. Yeah. What if I'm like, you know what? I saw this Kim Cattrell thing. He plays the bass. She scats. I really want to do this with you. Please just play the upright bass

and let me scat and read poetry over your bass. You already know how it go. You wouldn't do it just once for me? No. I tell you to go find someone else. It's so, that was so embarrassing. This is real? Uh-huh.

Is this current or old? No, it's old as shit because she's younger here. But she's like, we just have a rhythm. It was very sincere. I think when people are very earnest like that, it's very, A, it's very Canadian. She's Canadian. She is?

It's very Canadian to me, that earnestness, like that lack of self-awareness that like this is not cool. Canadians just don't know how to be cool. I don't think. Americans are cool. No, I'm telling you, I've picked this up. You're Canadian, buddy. I am.

I can say this, hello, proud Windsor native. We're just a little dorkier, okay? Yeah. I agree. I'm not cool either. Our pussies itch. Right. And our pussies itch.

Yeah. Yeah. But I don't forget even what I was going to say. You were just saying that she's so, since like when- It's so embarrassing when someone's that earnest and sincere. You know what this muscle might be? This might be like some real NRE. Like maybe it's, you know, they're a year in, they're just like-

NRE. Yeah, they're feeling it, you know? Yeah. And that's like they just- NRE. Just like play the bass and I'll scat. Oh. Though the real thing, here's the thing, it's not that crazy.

Hear me out. To do really anything with another person that you enjoy, it's crazy to let it get filmed. Yeah. That's what's crazy. That's true. Oh my God. You got that in your fucking house with your significant other.

You nailed it. And you guys love it. Who cares? You nailed it. To broadcast it? Oh God. Like that's the thing is that she doesn't know how uncool it is to broadcast. I think she thinks it's cool to be like, this is who I am.

I think it's actually- Oh man. I think it's not even what you're saying. I don't think it's that she doesn't know what cool is. I think it's when you drink too much of like your Kool-Aid. Yeah. Of like, oh, I'm a, I'm a fucking- Yeah.

You know, sexy actress. Yeah. And things like, like, this is cool. She's probably realizing that it's not cool as she's doing the interview. She's like, fuck, should I have let them shoot that? Like, you know what I mean? That's when she's putting it together. This is going to be embarrassing.

It's coming about a bit off the dog's head and the little dog goes- You know how I feel about Scat. You know how I feel about Scat. You actually, were you wish on it when someone was like, do you guys know about Scat? Yeah. No, it was- Was it that trip? My step-sister Cindy and I, we were goth.

And so we were 15 years old on a carnival cruise and we did the entire cruise nocturnally, which meant that we slept during the day because we thought we were vampires and then at night we'd go out onto the ship. And we met a crew member who would give us marijuana and he goes, you guys like Scat? And Cindy and I were like, what, bro? Like we're from LA. And he's like, you know, Scat. And we were like, like, I was 15 years old and I still think about it.

Like I still think about it. How old was he? Dude, he was like 22 or 23 and he fully scatted for us. I'll never forget. We were all getting high and we were out on the deck and it was like two in the morning and he was scatting for us. And Cindy and I had to do everything in our power to hold it together. Oh yeah.

I know what I would have done too. What? I would just been like, can you do that again? Every night. I'm such an asshole. I'd be like, I gotta bring someone else. I'm like, you gotta see this. And I'd be like, don't fucking fuck it up.

Okay. Hey man. I'll tell everybody about that cool thing you showed me yesterday. Can you do that again? Yeah. And then you have a nickname for him. And I'm like, hey Scat man. Yeah.

Like that's his call sign. And he's like, hey Scat man. What's up there? Yeah. Hard K. And he just no. And I'd be like, good to see you. What's up up?

Oh my Christ. Like what's more embarrassing in that scenario? The fact that I was goth and I wouldn't go out in the sunshine. I only got at night or the fact that this guy was into scat. Definitely the scat. Do you think scatting is worse than being goth? Yeah. I was a teenager.

I was 15. Yeah. Of course. Excusable. Completely. Taking on any persona in those teen years is completely forgivable. Yeah. But the scat persona.

That one's fucking rough. Ski-booty-booty-boop-bop. Do you have moments like that where you just like ruminate? Like I. About cringe stuff? Yeah. Yeah. Of course.

He just goes over and over in your head for like a million years. You think about things you said or did or wore or, you know, like. Oh fuck. Oh my God. Yeah. He's just like, he's like overcome. Like you feel blood rushing. He starts to sweat.

Oh my God. Oh my God. I was in sixth grade. One thing you go is like, thank God that wasn't broadcast. Oh my God. Thank God there's no social media. Yeah. I was in drill team in sixth grade and like looking back on drill team, like just embarrassing.

I was such a dork and everything. I had so many moments. Yeah. One time my stepdad and I went to kiss. Like I went to go kiss his cheek. Oh. And then he turned his head and I kissed his lips. Like I think about that.

That was 1996. Did you see that thing that was like trending about Gary V kissing his dad? No. But I know that he and his dad are very close. Sasha. Yeah. But they, they had like a very, it was like talked about. It was like people were really talking about this because it's like a real.

Yeah. But like he grabbed him by the head and like they, you know, it's like a real. Yeah. Is that video there? Like, it looks like it's Ethan's thing. Yeah. Ethan's fucking with him. Okay.

Hold on. You leave it, leave the volume down. Oh yeah. And then. This is like a half hour thing described. Oh it is? I bet you it's going to be at the end. There he is.

He's with his dad right now. They're chatting. Yeah. He's probably kissing him at the end. Yeah. It's probably going to be like thanks for doing this or whatever. You're the best. Dude, I never mouth kissed my parents.

Did you ever mouth kiss your mom? No. It's not there. Hard to find the exact moment. You'd think it's a, or goodbye, but. You could probably just Google the moment too. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Instead of the whole interview. So they are. Yeah. How about the one below there? There you go. Wow. That looks like it could have been accidental. No.

It doesn't. Like the moment that my stepdad accidentally overcorrected. Yeah. No, that's deliberate. It's quick. It is a thing amongst like, yeah. They're Russians. Russians don't do that.

No. I mean, I don't, I know Hungarians do cheek, cheek, cheek. It's funny because there's a dude commenting on it and I feel like I can, I don't have to even hear him and know what he's saying. I know. This black guy. He's like, the fuck is he doing, man? He did say that and I got you matched it perfectly.

You just matched it perfectly. Are you going to kiss your dad like that, son? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's really into his dad, Gary Vee. I think that's great. Do you ever kiss?

Tom Brady is another one. Yeah, I remember that. And they fucking lit him up and he also does it with his son. So it's definitely, it's a family. Like you either in a family like that. Oh yeah. You're not. There's a, I have a joke about that in my, my new special.

But, oh, Vee. See, there's a son and then there's the father underneath it. Oh yeah. Right there. They kiss on the mouth. Yeah. Yeah. I don't, yeah.

I grew up with a boy, a boy who they, they mouth kissed the whole family. Mouth kissed each other. Good night. The boy would mouth kiss his sister. Good night. Yeah. Good night. Mouth kissed mom.

Personally, I would rather die. Sames. Yeah. Sames. It's not for me. It's just not for me. It's not for me. But like, I also grew up in a house where there's just like an emphasis on cheek kissing.

Like I feel, you know what I mean? Yeah. Like half of my family is Peruvian and it's all like, it's how you greet. It's how you say goodbye. Like you just always do cheek to cheek and like my dad's side, which American, they're big like cheek kissers. Well, hold on. Maybe I'm incorrect.

Could you Google like Russian kissing when you, Russian greets like, because Hungarians, they do cheek, cheek, cheek. Yeah. Like, do they kiss? I don't think they kiss on the mouth. That's their very macho culture. The Swiss go three, I think. One, two, three.

Yeah. Like, do they kiss greetings, kisses maybe. Russian greeting kiss. Yo. Russian greeting kiss on the lips. Maybe it is a risky thing. It's not for me to grab your hand and kiss him on the cheek. Three times on the cheek.

Oh, some Russian men eating on the lips. So it could be. So that could very well be cultural there. Not in Hungary. That shit is gay as fuck. That shit's against the law. Many England believe that kissing is unique to France. The practice is common in a wide range of European and Latin countries as well as Russian,

certain Arabic, it's sub. So here are nations, it is unknown. It's origin is unknown though there are many theories. You know where they were men kiss on the cheeks? The only time that ever happened to me, I was like, the fuck? It was Argentina. Oh. Yeah, it was in Argentina.

And my cousin introduced me to someone. I was like, oh, what's up, man? He grabbed me. He was like, I was like, what is happening? He didn't prep me at all for it. I mean, I was like 21. So I was just like. Yeah.

And they're like, this is custom. Is that you, Ro? Yeah. The men held hands. Yeah. In the streets. That's common in the Saudi. In Arabic world too.

Yeah. Probably butt fucking too, right? Maybe. I don't know. Do Israelis? No way. Do any kiss greetings or no? Like cheek kisses.

They do that. Yeah, there's no like mouth kisses. But it's also like not like, you also do handshakes and hugs. It's not too great. Like it's not customary where it's every time you kiss each other. Yeah. Black eyes kiss. Yeah.

On the lips? Yeah. I kiss all my niggas. Nice job. For sure. That's true. Yeah. The harder, the harder you are, the deeper the kiss, you know?

That's how you know. That's how you know it's real. It makes a lot of sense. It makes a lot of sense. That does make sense. It's why I always had such an affection for their culture. You know? Yeah.

I was always wanting those black lips. Well, Africans are very open with homosexuality. They love it. They love gay people in Africa. Most of the... Want to be gay? Go to Africa. Go to Africa.

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