Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 667 - Bobby Lee & Khalyla Kuhn- Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: August 3, 2022

WE'RE BACK! YMH Live 8! With musical guest Danny Brown and special guest Tim Dillon! Get your tickets at https://livestream.ymhstudios.com JEANS UP!! This week, the Main Mommies discuss RPC’s charity, serial killers, being broke in college, and surviving the heat as a goth. Also, Christina’s keeping the goth look. They watch a shocking new video from Unk Shine, a clip of a dude’s broken arm that never healed, a cool guy with a satanic puppet, and play a round of “Drugs or Mental Illness?” Bobby Lee and Khalyla Kuhn join Todd and Christine to discuss their recent break up, the future of TigerBelly, CP’s birthday party, life in Austin, Texas, Trash Tuesday, Bobby’s resemblance to the BTK killer, and much more! Bobby and Khalyla watch some “Horrible or Hillarious” videos, the “Ball Kick Master,” some cool mukbangs, and the classic pup play clips. https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinaponline.com/tour-dateshttps://store.ymhstudios.com/https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast

And we're back. Oh, shit. Wild Maze Live 8 on August 17th. You motherfuckers already know we coming back. Your mom's house live. Go to livestream.ymaestudios.com. Join us. And a girl goes, oh, like, did you perform tonight?

And he was like, yeah, I bombed. Real bad. Really bad. And she goes, oh, I just went to go see Tom Segura. And he crushed. Oh, OK. Well, here's the thing. You can't get mad at her for telling the truth.

Like, I fucking murdered, dude. It was ACL. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Hello there. My name is John McAfee. John McAfee. John McAfee.

It's just the jib们s on one boat. It's the jibोn on one boat. John McAfee. The ACL is just shittin' his mouth. Shittin' his mouth. Shittin' his mouth. The ACL is just shittin' his mouth. Shittin' his mouth.

Shittin' his mouth. That was the only thing I did. Poop in someone's mouth. That was the only thing I did. Shittin' his mouth. Shittin' his mouth. It's the poopoo. It's the poopoo.

John McAfee. It's the poopoo. It's the poopoo. John McAfee. Poopoo. Poopoo. Poopoo. Poopoo.

Poopoo. Poopoo. It's the poopoo. Shittin' his mouth. Shittin' his mouth. Shittin' his mouth. Shittin' his mouth. John McAfee.

John McAfee. The ACL is just shittin' his mouth. Shittin' his mouth. Shittin' his mouth. John McAfee. It's a poo poo. John McAfee. It's a poo poo.

John McAfee. It's a poo poo. It's a poo poo. It's a poo poo. John McAfee. It's a poo poo. Oh, wow. Go to the gym.

That was by Gaping Dad. It's called Poop on John McAfee. Rest in peace. Great John McAfee. Oh, wow, that's right. Yeah, McAfee antivirus and, of course, the hammock guy. He made you sit in a hammock and shit through it. Might as he laid there and collected it himself.

And a potential presidential candidate at one point. Not even a potential candidate in Canada. Yeah, yeah, right here. What an accomplished man. Yeah, I don't think he got many votes. No. But of all the things he's done, he did. I think shitting in the hammock was the coolest.

It's really a cool thing to do. Yeah, it is. I mean, I'm very much, you know, I'm not a kink shamer, but very cool choice. Yeah. Very cool. Super splash. Whew, that's shit right in the mouth. Mm-hmm, go poo poo.

Go poo poo. Go eat that poo poo. You're not going to say anything about my cool new look? Well, here's the thing, you know, last week was episode 666. Yeah. And I was, yeah, you've decided to stick with it. Mm-hmm.

Well, it gave me so much joy to dress up last week. I figured, why not keep it? Yeah, you got the fishnets on the, yeah, full goth. But I still, I'm just incorporating it into my, in today's look, you know? So, yeah, like I'm a mom, but I'm still a goth mom. I'm a goth mom. You're a goth mom.

I don't mind. You don't mind? So far, it's been pretty rad. It's a little, it's been difficult because it is summertime to keep this makeup on, especially when I go to the beach. It's sweaty, but so far, so good. I mean, do people do stare at me like they used to, and I'm...

But isn't that kind of the thrill? It was as a teenager, but now I... Was it more like, the fuck are you looking at? Yeah, it was just a way for me to get mad at people. Yeah. And now I'm, but more and now I do this for me because I really do like the look. Yeah.

And now it's just for me. Yeah. And the kids don't like it. You don't seem to like it. No. But fuck all y'all, I'm off now. Yeah, there you go. Now you're back to being a teen.

Yeah. Fuck you guys. Fuck you guys. Yeah. Fuck and don't look at me like that. Yeah. I like it. So, again, it takes hours to get ready.

Yeah. Nowadays, it's kind of a bummer. I can't just like put on jeans and a shirt and run out. Like I have to put on black and then put the white makeup on, get my eyebrows. How long is this prep? It's a while. Hour, hour and a half.

Nice. Simple. But I wake up at 6.30 and I do this. Actually, sorry. I woke up at 5.30 so that I could do this before the kids wake up. And I don't like to have them bothering me while I'm doing my makeup.

Well. Yep. Very cool. Goth mom summer, guys. Goth mom summer, yeah. You know, I was thrilled that last week we were able to reconnect with one Robert Paul Champagne. Yeah.

It was nice to know that, you know, also, it takes a level of self-awareness to say, I was lashing out, I was angry. When I'm angry, I say things. True. He didn't go like, he didn't do denial. Yeah. He didn't try to spin it.

He was really actually very on point with it. I agree. I said things that I said because I was angry. Yeah. Did he apologize or he just was like, I don't remember hearing, I'm sorry. He just said, when I'm angry, I, you know. I lash out.

I do that, yeah. But I was impressed with that actually. Yeah. I'm not that easy to come to Jesus. Yeah, sometimes I, you know, I would need longer than that to be like, you know what, I was just really upset. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, he's a deep guy. I think that's what we like about him is that he just unwraps, like it's an onion and we get to know more and more about him. Yeah. And he's talented, you know. He's a singer, he's also an artist.

Yeah. A performer. He does everything. He does porn. Yeah. It's pretty cool. And he's running a charity. Robert Paul, I think, saves the children

or something like that. Do you get the name of it? Mm-hmm. You remember the name? Yeah, something like that. Yeah. It's on Debbie's Instagram page. Yeah.

And then you pay Debbie and Debbie gives the money to Jennifer. Well, I think Debbie gives it to Robert first and he gives it to Jenny. Right, sorry. But also, just put it in an envelope. Put it in an envelope. That's how they do it nowadays.

You put money in an envelope and then you hand it to two people. That's the modern way to donate to charity. I've been doing these stupid wires. Yeah, Venmo, we type of stuff. Petui. Yeah, credit cards. What the fuck are you doing?

Writing a check. Put some cash in an envelope and write it to Debbie. Remember how horrible it was? Yeah. To write a check. Just to have to carry a checkbook around. Always, yeah. And then go to the grocery store

and be like, oh, fuck it. Also, the fact that you realize that you could, at least once, write a check that you didn't have the amount for it. Oh, I have, like, accidentally, obviously. Right, but like, people could write checks. All right, here's the check. You're like, all right.

And then it's like, oh, this thing doesn't work? Yeah, what a flood. This account doesn't exist. Yeah. What an interesting thing we all did, right? Now it's like. It was honor systems. Send that thing through the phone.

Yeah. And I'll give it to you when I get that. Right, now. Yeah, yeah. And then remember, like, I never knew how much money I had in my bank account. Remember when you could just call your bank and it automated, it would tell you the number.

You have. Like, fuck, yeah, I do have, like, $11.26. I know. I have so many times, and the anxiety of calling that number, I'd be like, please God, just $200, please, at least something. And the, it was terrible.

In college, you're just like, I'm just trying to pull a 20. I just want to pull a 20. I was, I know I was thinking the other day, like, how did we live in college? I mean, I worked a part-time work-study job. Department of Public Safety, shout-out, USF. But other than that, like, it was grants, loans,

and then, you know, your tuition money or whatever, like, how the fuck did we live? I don't think I bought clothes for, like, four years. Or you, you know, I, because I worked, I started, I had a job starting the summer after freshman year, and then I worked through just the rest of the time in college. Full-time or part-time?

Well, summer was full-time, school year was part-time. But, you know, you feel like, oh, I have income, right? Like, you're like, I have money, I make money. But just sometimes, you know, those things, you know, it would deposit, you'd deposit on a Thursday, and then you're like, fuck, it hasn't posted yet. Oh, God, yeah. So then you realize, oh, like,

I guess I'm not going out tonight. Or, you know, you have to be like, hey, buddy, will you spot me? Like, you know, then you owe somebody money. Yeah. Or you just rely on like, hey, will you guys hook me up tonight, will you bring booze and weed over to my place? And, you know.

Who's gonna buy the sixer? Yeah. You remember, or you did get paid for your part-time gig, and you're like, $250, shit. You're like, yeah. I might go to London this weekend. Yeah. Yeah, such no concept of like, what the actual real world

costs at that point in your life. No idea. All you needed was like, beer, money, and cigarettes, really. And every now and then, you bought, I don't even remember buying a pair of shoes, like maybe once in college. Like, it was so poor.

Yeah, no, shopping really wasn't a thing. No, that's why you would like, you would, you know, your parents come to town. Your parents would, yeah. And they'd be like, why don't you tell my dad, my dad would be like, oh, let's go out and take, get you something. Yeah.

And I'd be like, oh, cool, can we get a TV? Yeah, okay. Buy me a TV. Yeah, my furniture was those milk crates. Remember, you just stack crates, and if I can put a blanket over them or whatever, you're like, there's my coffee table. So poor.

God. Speaking of RPC, he was really vocal about his contempt for Aung Shain. I know. And I might, I don't know if I'm trying to connect dots here, but this might be a two-way street. No.

Although it might be a little more thinly veiled from Aung Shain. Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear.

Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear. There's been a two-man kissin'

on Good Morning America. Do you think that's right. That's not right man. That's not what's happening man! Geez, that strikes it at RPC. I think it might be... Wait was... Who was Randy.

Don't bring anyone mupin' to this. Go m cogn the fuckin' stair! WELCOME. Welcome to your Mom's house. With Tom Segura. Tom Segura. And Christina Pajitz and Christina Pajitz. Welcome to your Mom's house.

Well, what I'm saying is, Unksha is not calling him by name. But he just, I mean, RPC is a proud gay man. And he just said, I saw two men kissing. That ain't right, you know? It's a dig. Yeah, I mean, two men kissing on TV. That ain't right, he just said it.

Two men kissing on TV. Yeah. Does that happen on regular TV yet? Yeah, I think that happens much more now. Did it happen on Good Morning America? Don't know. I'm also surprised to learn that Unksha is a Good Morning America viewer, you know?

Right, most importantly, who the fuck is watching Good Morning America? You know, I was trying to get on Good Morning America to promote my book. They refused you? They turned me down, yeah. Yeah, they refused me as well. Right, look who's watching.

So the most avid book readers in the world watch Good Morning America. That's right, the most literate man in America. Yeah, yeah, like here's how much he is not into two men kissing, okay? Oh dear. Listen, Facebook, they got two men kissing on Good Morning America.

Yeah, I'd rather kiss that woman ass. True. I'd rather eat her ass before I kiss that fucking man. Straight up. Straight up, and that is exactly what RPC likes to do. That's true. So, you know, could there be? Beef.

Right? We gotta set these two up and they gotta duke it out. Also, like, you know, they've both taken, you know, I mean, this has obviously more than a homophobic undertone, it's direct. Yeah. And then RPC, you know, mentioned that, you know, blacks aren't like this anymore.

So, it's going both ways is what it feels like. That's true, that's what I remember, he says that blacks don't do this anymore. That's what I guess. That's another time. We're like, what? So, yeah, I mean, ugh. In God's eyes.

In God's eyes. Two men kissing on TV. Yeah. On national TV. That's right, uncle. Now you know. That's not the right, that's not the right puzzle. Mm.

Yeah. To put together. Right. All right. And then it just cuts off right there. Mouth open. Yeah. It's that kind of story.

He's not, I would say, he's not technologically savvy. They never are. That's what makes them charming, you know. They are cool guys. They're cool guys. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's so funny.

I didn't realize he was such a cultural critic, I'm sure. He's really watching stuff. But I think you're right. I think this is a direct dig at RPC. Yes. And these two are now going to go for each other's throats. I left here stunned.

I saw this and I was stunned. Shocked, dismayed, and stunned. I would, you know, I'm not encouraging either, but I would like to see them post more about each other. Encouraging it. This would be a great battle of wits. Oh, yes. Yeah.

He's such a, he's such a sloppy man. Yeah, that's what the movie is, complete. So this is the perfect thing I respect. Kissing a man. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Einstein does have to get with the times. I'll say that right, right out of the gate.

Well, yeah, I think gayness has been pretty universally. It's accepted and, you know, you're really, you know, you're really not, you're dating yourself, you're just separating yourself from society by saying that you can't support or handle that. Yeah. That's true. I mean, look, it took us how many years

to accept gay people, gosh. Yeah, I mean, as a society, yeah, I mean. The gay rights movement. I mean, when did that even start? Maybe in the 70s, 80s? 60s, maybe? Gosh, it took a long time. So, yeah.

Yeah. He's got a lot. It's a long time for humans to change. It is a long time. Yeah, a long time. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Ankh.

Keep doing the Lord's work. Just keep sharing your thoughts. I wonder what Ankh would say about your look. I'm sure he doesn't see a lot of goths in Lafayette. Yeah, you know, it's harder to be goth in those hot weather states. Oh, yeah. It's definitely less popular.

But when I traveled as a goth. Layers of black. Yeah, it's tough to do. But I would see goths all over the world. I would go to Hungary to visit my family and I'd see other goths there, obviously. And you know, Europe, it's pretty big. But, you know, East and West Coast, mostly.

There it is. Also, I think this is supposed to be, and this is a folder that I see labeled. I'm assuming it's to take a dig at me. Oh. And my injury. Oh. What do we got?

Oh! If you were curious, what happens to a broken bone when it never heals, this is what you get. Oh, my God. Wild. I did always wonder that. Yeah, me too. You have that thought.

You know, after you have an injury, you're like, oh, what would happen if this wasn't taken care of? Well, remember I asked the guy in the ER, the doctor in the ER, I'm like, what would they do to me in the olden times? He's like, I'm gonna probably just cut your leg off. Yeah. Or just like, yeah, what did you do

before they had medicine? It would just wither. Isn't that crazy? We're just gonna cut it off. It's wild, dude. You're like, well, it's broken. What are we supposed to do? I know.

Yeah. I can't save this. Yeah. Fuck. Is that guys? It just goes all the way around and then it's totally atrophied. Bun it around.

But he can use his hand, it looks like. That's incredible. Yeah. How is he using his hand if that part is... Maybe, and I'm no doctor, but maybe he didn't have radial nerve damage. So the nerves intact, but the bone and everything else. You know what I mean?

So. Pretty miraculous. He can do a windmill and he can still work that stick shift. Remember when you did your windmill? Yeah. Do you remember when Bert put your hand right? Do you remember it?

I remember the moment, sure. Do you remember the moment when you fell? Yeah. Yeah. You didn't block any of it out? I guess at times you do, but I can access the memory. I mean, I can, you know. The funny is not funny,

but I guess the thing that stands out is that the, you know, I just, I felt the pop and I lost, you lose power, right? Because you're pushing off. I mean, it's just been doing all this jumping. And I just remember that I didn't know, like when you watch the video, you're like, you're an inch off the ground,

but in your head, you're like, I don't know if I'm falling from, you know, up by the rim. Like you just don't realize it. So the fall felt like, how far am I falling? Oh my God. You know? It just feels like stories and stories. It feels like a bigger drop than it is, you know?

Oh. Can I tell you a horrible story? Yeah. My PT guy said that he was treating at the same time as I was being treated. A firefighter who fell two stories, like he missed the pole and he just fell two stories

and just shattered everything and was so traumatized. I was asked by our PT to talk to somebody after, we were still living in LA. So it wasn't that long after, but I mean, I was, you know, recovering, somebody that she was treating who got hit by a car and launched like 30, 40 feet and had shattered, like shattered limbs, you know?

And I talked to her and I was like, holy shit. I remember and she was a mother. Yeah. She had like two or three children, small children. Small kids, she was just jogging and a drunk driver hit her. Slide to the road.

Jogging. Yeah, jogging. Just living your life. Going for an afternoon jog, drunk, hit her. Oh God, life is so unfair, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, things just, you know. It's crazy. Fuck man.

Well, I'm glad you're okay. I'm actually looking at a picture of you in the hospital. Oh, really? Oh. It's on your mug. Oh yeah. God, that sucks so bad. So bad.

Yeah. So depressing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was pretty depressing. It's horrible. Yeah. Don't do that again, please. Okay. Do you think, well, that this is drugs or mental illness?

No. I've done my research. Nice. You visited me many a day, a night, an hour, a moment. I saw you. You're a dumbass. Okay. You're wearing reflectors, you retard.

Yeah. You're wearing reflectors, you idiot. So the thing is, apparently he's talking to Satan. Oh, okay. That's what's going on. So hold on, drugs or mental illness, let's go down the, so he's talking into the devil. Now I'm gonna go, I lean towards drugs

because he's got the lighter. Yeah, the lighter's, yeah. Right? It's like, what else is he lighting up? And also it's dark in there, usually drugs or... May I say something? Maybe the lighter is to see better. Oh, right.

Because it is very dark in there. Okay. Also there's a TV on. Oh, that's mental illness. That seems well sometimes. Here, here's another clue. Nice job wearing all black. You sneakers, I could see 10 freaking miles away.

Hey, retard. You're lucky I'm only me. I'm serious. I've got magnification powers, the likes of which you would not believe. What powers does he have? I don't know, I can miss that whole part. Did you catch that?

Magnification powers. Ah. Ah. Not believe the likes of which magnification powers. I've got magnification powers, the likes of which you would not believe. Yeah. Satan the retard.

Yeah. Yeah. You're wearing reflectors, you retard. Yeah. Well, you know, that's the whole clip and it really does make you wonder. Is this drugs or mental illness? Yeah, what do you feel, I mean, intuitively?

After watching the whole thing, you know, there's paranoia. Yeah. But paranoia can be a result of a mental illness and it can also be a result of drugs. The lighter, definitely has me leaning more drugs. Yeah. You know, if,

if I gotta guess, I'm going drugs, I think. Interesting. Tom, I'm gonna do something new here. I'm gonna go with both drugs and mental illness. Didn't know that was an option. Didn't know that was an option and I'd like to step back for a moment. It's an either or scenario.

It has to be either or not both. Well, I thought that's how the game was played. I know we're changing the rules of the game. Yeah. But I'm the creator of the game, I can do it. That's right, you're like the god of sex. We learn this. Right.

It's from the apocalypse. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Also known as. AKA. AKA. I'm gonna lean more towards,

more towards drugs on this one, or maybe, I mean, it's the dark, usually we don't see the mentally ill in the dark. They like to be out there and doing their crazy stuff, but he's doing darkness, so it's a different look. Yeah. I'm gonna lean towards drugs on this. Okay.

Um, yeah, final answer. Drugs? And what is the answer? Do we know? I think mental illness, but probably a mixture of both. Yeah. I mean, it's both. Let's be real, but.

Yeah. Okay, I guess we'll just start playing a new game then. Huh! Guys, it's drugs or mental illness, not both. You know, it's like tic-tac-toe. You don't get to be like, well, it's an X and a no, you know? You pick one. God, you're so binary.

Yeah. The world isn't binary anymore. Yeah. You can be both, you can be all at once. Keeping it in the vein. Duh. Ah. Sure, oh, we heard the, the five.

You must be the devil. Yes. I am Satan. Oh boy. And why do you do that? And neither. So here's my question.

Yeah. Would this be your like biggest nightmare to wake up? Like in a room where this guy's standing over you? Yeah. I mean, absolutely. Isn't that the guy from kiss? Like, isn't that just the kiss makeup? It is that makeup. I don't think it's actually him.

I don't think that's Gene Simmons. I'd be like, holy shit. Gene Simmons is in my house or whatever, yeah. Look, yeah. This is probably the most terrifying thing I've ever seen on tic-tac. That's saying something. Yeah. And I legitimately, as I was watching this,

had to stop myself from going into the abyss of sadness and scariness, you know? Like I watch it and I was like, don't go, don't be afraid. It's just tic-tac. Talk me through it. Well, I had to, I had to like, so the beginning I was like,

oh, look, it's the guy from kiss, ha-ha, L-O-L. And then there's Duncan Trussell's old puppet, L-O-L. But then it got real dark. Oh, hobo, right? His hobo puppet? Yeah, little hobo. Little hobo. But then now I, and then I got,

and then I got really scared because his voice got deepened and it got slower. It was really good. Yeah. Let's see if it gets scarier. Fuck, yeah, dude. You've been sinning. Uh-oh.

Sinning? Oh boy, I kinda like it. Yes. Master-baby. Oh. Oh. Oh. He's scary as fuck, though, this guy.

When it comes to dick joke, you know, that could also be like the, you know, playing the role of like an overseer, like a priest, you've been masturbating. Oh yeah, yeah, it's good. You shouldn't touch yourself. Yeah. Does he post stuff like this all the time

or is this like his one-off? He does. Not all of them are in the mask, though. Usually it's maskless. Is it always scary? Not always. Oh, okay. I'm not, I'm not, I'm gonna, I'm not a fan.

I mean, I like goth things, obviously, but this really scared me. I felt scared inside. I didn't like it. I see like this, if you were weighing the two, is mental illness. If this were like a real thing. And not the fun kind.

Not the fun kind that we saw in the video before, where he's like, oh, Satan's a retard. This one's real. I just saw a mentally ill person on the street. You did? Yeah. Sweet, it's good to be back in Cali, huh? Yeah, she was kicking the pole,

screaming racial slurs. That was pretty cool. Cool. Hey, turns out it's a pretty cool neighborhood. It turns out, this is a pretty cool place to live. Then she's spit in the direction, like it was, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, welcome back. It does make you, yeah, reminisce. Sure does. It's cool. Yeah, very nice. Very nice things in this neighborhood. Master billion. Oh, I don't like it.

Yeah, see, it's kind of scary. I don't like it. I don't like these ventriloquist dummies either. They're so spooky. They are spooky. Yeah, it really, it makes. Most people don't like clowns either. That's like a big phobia.

They're just spooky. John Wayne Gacy. Yeah, but he chose to play a clown because it gives you access to children, right? Well, he was jovial. He's just like, had a good time. He liked, he like, he did like spreading, like you can't just label the guy as one thing, you know?

I know. He was a fun guy. So you're saying that John Wayne Gacy dressed up as a clown for fun times? Yeah, he liked. Make his laugh. Yeah, and he threw parties a lot. He liked to have a good time.

He just had, you know, he had a door, let's say, in his head that wasn't so nice, you know? I got you. Yeah. I mean, I think when you watch the documentary, you're like, all right, not the worst guy, but, you know. He is a really good clown though. I mean, I thought it was just a bullshit.

So was he, he would play a clown at children's parties? Like you got to hire this guy? Is that the story? Yeah, I feel like I'm forgetting that part of it, that he would just do this a lot for fun, you know? Just for like the name of the kids. Yeah, it wasn't like you have to pay him to do it. It's wild, dude.

Yeah. Yeah. Who knew the clown was a murderer? Yeah. The sad clown. He had bodies. Okay. Like really a lot of bodies, 33 confirmed.

In his house, right? Well, no. Like in his basement. 29 or 30 were in the house. How did he stash him in the house without it stinking up the whole neighborhood? Well, that is the giveaway of how, this is like the fun thing about narcissism.

He, okay. So he had a crawl space under the house, right? And he would put bodies down there, okay? Sure. He'd stuff him in, like cram him in, okay? The cops suspected him after the last kid went missing. Kid meaning is like a 16, 17 year old kid. So everything was like tied him,

but they didn't have physical evidence. Well, they did do a search at one point of his house that didn't reveal anything. So by the law standards, warrants already been executed. They've searched the house and they're like, we didn't find anything. Nothing at least to tie him to these murders.

Even though he had just murdered that guy upstairs, the body was like in the house. Oh. Well, they started to tail him 24 seven, but they did a type of tail where they let him know. Like there's a surveillance where we're trying to not let you know we're following you. And there's surveillance where like we let you know

all the time. So the pressure of that can get to you. Well, he's such a narcissist that he would at times like hang out with them. So if he was at a diner, he'd be like, hey, come here and sit down and talk. So one time they follow him home, right? And he invites them in.

This is just for his own game and amusement of like, I can, here's how advanced I'm at this. I'll bring the cops in the house. Oh boy. Well, while they're in the house, one of the cops wants to get away to look for things. And so the other one's keeping them occupied. Well, that cop to try to cover the fact

that he's looking for things at one point dips into the bathroom. When he dips into the bathroom without any plan for this, obviously, it's Chicago. It's winter. The heat kicks on. No. When the heat kicks on through the vent,

that cop in the bathroom goes, that is a, that's a decomposing body. He's familiar with the smell. Yeah. The smell you only know if you've been around it. So then they have to convince the judge to do a second search warrant, which like the judge is against.

You've already, we've already executed a search warrant, but they're able to convince them to do that second search warrant. And that's when they go into the crawl space and they start just pulling out bodies. Pretty cool stuff. I love how you recall that story in great detail. Like, do you remember the birth

of your two children with that much detail? Which one? Any of them. Or like our wedding date, or how we met. Ellis was born in December. December what? I don't know. The Christmas month.

And then the other one, I think in the summer. Oh my God. I mean, watching you recall the John Wayne Gacy story of how they found the bodies. It was like, first of all, you've never been so engaged and so lit up from the inside. Did you not feel like you learned something from what I just said?

Definitely, yeah. What was weird about it? I told you a story. Yeah, it's just not a very pleasant one, babe. It's like, I don't know, I don't really, I don't, like at stuff I don't want to know. You know what, you brought up clowns. I mean, I don't fucking know.

You know? Cool, thanks for sharing, Tom. Thanks for playing this clip. Here's the thing about, I'll tell you about Bundy. Bundy. Oh my God. He did things backwards. What do you mean?

Well, most killers that rape like to rape and then kill. Right. But Bundy was different. He would kill and then rape. Okay, thanks, Tom. Can we like watch a clip, or is there somebody that's getting injured? We can go to that.

You know what, let's take a quick break and we'll be back in a moment with our guests. Okay. Bobby, who hasn't had stuff in their lives? Drama. We've all been there. Yeah. So no judgment, nothing, you just want to be respectful.

And in honor of you, we ordered Korean food for lunch before you got here. And in honor of your podcast, we had tuna belly also. Oh, nice. Total, as it's known in your community. It's a Japanese thing, but it's fine. It's adjacent and I respect that and thank you so much. Oh, you're welcome.

You're welcome, yeah. You came to the party that Christina had. My birthday party. Do you remember that? Had a blast. Happy birthday. Do you remember how out of my way I went to try to introduce you to somebody

and how you reacted? Okay, all right. Can I just ask you this something, right? Yeah, sure. I come to the party and I'm with an Asian guy. So I bring my own Asian. Right. Who happens to be big time?

A producer. I didn't authorize that on the guest list, by the way. I don't know how you got that in. But do I get a plus one or no? Well, you were my plus one. Oh, so I didn't get a plus one? You didn't even get an official invite. You were my plus one to the party.

So like, I don't know how you got in and this other Asian. I didn't authorize it. But I had a Jew too. I had a Jew too. So the Jew can't come? Well, I didn't authorize it. Let's go back. So you and two other undesirable sneak in

and then what happens? Oh, really undesirable. Really, I have a Korean, right? Who's an executive producer on a real Chinese show. And David King. I know, it's legit. They're legit. Legit minorities.

Jew, legit Korean. I remember. Ugly, both of them. But I didn't know that it was a fashion contest or a good looking contest. It was not. You had that big muscle head there. So that's like that you brought your own thing.

Okay. Joe Rogan. Right. He was there. Yeah. Right. And he gave me a bruise on my face and went after, he kissed me. Anyway, my point is, so what was the question? I was just saying that I went out of my way to introduce you to somebody.

Okay. So I go to your fucking party, right? It was her party. It's my party. It was her party. To be clear, I organized it. I invited Kalayla and Tom and then you showed up. All right. Can I be honest with you?

When I went to the door, when I went to the door of the party, right? They go, whoa, whoa, whoa. You know how they do it? Yeah. And I go, we mean, whoa, whoa, whoa, dude. I know the lady. Yeah. Right.

And you're also like, here's my pass. I'm Bobby Lee. Well, that's what, you know what I mean? He was like, ah, shit, dog. Yeah, you. Yeah. And I got an ugly Jew and ugly Korean with me too. And like, I don't know.

Yeah. And then right. And I go, they said, okay. Yeah. And so they let me in. I lied. Okay. I apologize.

Hey, fuck you. Happy birthday. He's all over the map. Happy birthday. Is this an emotional Bobby? Is this emotional Bobby? Oh, is this Bobby medicated? Yeah.

Yeah. He's on meds now. I thought that, you know, today's showing might be more positive than it's turning out to be. Sorry, babe. So I'm sorry. You're right. Cause he comes confrontational. I did not come confrontational.

Cause I go to the party and he goes, so I'm with my friends and he goes, I want you to introduce to somebody. And I think, oh, he's going to introduce me to like a producer or someone important. Right. And he starts introducing me to just people that work that happen to be Asian.

Just try to start a friendship. I did? Well, yeah. I mean, like the bus boy, he's like, come here, come here. And he goes to the bus boy and goes, this is my Asian friend. I want you guys to meet. And I'm standing there going, hi.

Cause you know, I'm like, hi. And they're like, and the guy's like, I'm Toco. And I'm like, hi, Toco. And then Tom's like, see, isn't it good? And it's like, you didn't introduce me to anybody else. And then we went around the corner and there was a group of Asians, like maybe two or three. And you kind of pushed me toward them

and just, just hang out with them. I brought my own. But you're acting like I didn't invite any other Asian, Ali Wong. You didn't see Ali Wong. She was there. But she really Asian. I mean, I mean,

Is she not Asian? You're doubting her Asian? No, no, no, no. I'm just saying though, she's a fancy Asian. And you know what I mean? I don't hang out with fancy Asians. She's a top tier Asian. Top tier Asian.

She's the top, the very top. Yeah. Yeah, I don't do that. But I just wanted you to... Her, Ronnie Chen, if they were there, I don't even look at them. Really? No, I'm bottom.

I don't see that at all. I don't think you're bottom. No, I'm a dirty though. Why are you a dirty? I'm a dirty bottom. For you. I'm a dirty bottom. Why are you dirty?

Because of my nature of how I do my comedy. It's nasty. Yeah. You know what I mean? The way I dress. That's why I love it though. Yeah, me too, you're fine. Thank you.

I'm not cleanliness, no cleanliness. I don't eat good. These are people that go to like, Sakara, is that the brand that we sponsor on? Oh, right, right. The wellness. The wellness, yeah. You know what I mean?

They get nice food inside them. They do. But will you acknowledge that it was thoughtful that I was introducing you to these people? Yeah. Okay, thanks. It's thoughtful. And by the way.

Racist but thoughtful. It was not racist. So hold on, I'm on the dance floor. We're all dancing. They're gonna be having a great time. And the manager walks up to me with a box of greasy Chinese food and goes, oh, Christina, did you order this?

And I go, I certainly did not. And I'm like, did anybody order Chinese food? Anybody order Chinese food? I don't know. And then it's like, oh, it's Bobby Lee's. He orders Chinese food. To be delivered. To be delivered to my party.

I swear to fuck it. That you are a bottom, dirty bottom. How are you eating? It was like a, it was a cool club. There was like break dancers and everybody's dressed cool and you're eating dirty Chinese food there. No, that's impossible.

That would be absolutely impossible. So you're saying that's not, that didn't happen? Yeah, I'm telling you, I'm refuting that because I want to tell you why. And just think about this. Okay. In your little minds. Okay.

I'm sorry for attacking you in that way, but right now you're acting like you have little minds. Okay. Wow, cause we're white. Yeah. Our little white brains. Your little white brains. You guys are good though.

Invented electricity. Thank you. Thank you. I wouldn't be able to turn on my PlayStation without. That's true. All right. So what I'm saying is that listen to your little mind, listen to the logic.

Okay. I'm going to ask you guys a question. Okay. How long do you think I was there for? Are you doing an accent? Yeah. That's something. How long?

How long do you think I was, what was that? I don't know. It's so unbelievable what you're doing. And I'm really going to stay in it. She heard it. I don't know what she's doing, right? You know what she does? When you get sort of fancy whites,

she sides with the whites every time. Here's what you just did. And she's one of those minorities. I'm not. I'm against that. You said, does this make any sense to you? Fancy whites. How long was I there for?

That's what you just did. Can I say this again? Just try to play the take back. How long? Yeah. That's right. Okay. How long?

Yeah. How long? How long have I been there for? Okay. Not long. Which is what I thought, what made sense is you were like, I'm going to this thing. I'm hungry.

I have food delivered when I get there. It was an insane thing, but I still thought that checks out. Okay. It's so also insane. I have proof of this. Right? Yeah.

You ding dong. Okay. I love you though. Is is that I was there really shortly. Because I saw the fancy. Briefly. Yes. Briefly, I mean.

Yes. I saw the fancy Asian there with the glasses. The Netflix. Yeah. The Netflix one. Yes. Right? Yeah.

And then I saw thick head. Yeah. You know. God. And I introduce you to that dancer. The captain of the ship. I introduce you. Yeah.

Yeah. Introduce you to the Japanese dancer. That was cool. Then you did the Japanese tour where I would meet all the Asians that happened to be there. Yeah. Right?

I did that. Like here's new friends. Yeah. Right. And then I fucking left, right? Yeah. So when did I have time to order fucking Chinese food? You left before it arrived.

I think you got impatient because you were hungry and we were in Koreatown anyway. Yeah. So you're like. All your tangles went off like Koreatown. Yeah. All these places are open.

Sundubu. Sundubu. Open. Oh yeah. Yeah. Used to Chinese food. We're in Koreatown. Ah.

He got you. So what Chinese restaurant is in Koreatown that I ordered from? There's like tons dude. Name one. It was close to downtown. The one in Olympic. I know but they don't know that.

Damn. But they don't know. They don't know. Okay. Amporus Pavilion in downtown. All right. Okay. I didn't do that.

But you know what? If you think that was me, I apologize. That's cool. All right. So the party was great. Thanks for inviting me. You came for five seconds. Technically weren't invited though.

Just to be clear. I was invited. I would have invited you. That's why I don't go. Did you go to Christchurch? That's why I don't go to parties. Did you go to Christchurch July 4th party? It was barbecue?

No, he didn't get invited, that one either. He didn't get invited. Don't look at me like that. That's who you are, man. That's not even funny, dude. I wasn't invited either. I wasn't invited either. Yeah, I wasn't invited either.

What the fuck? Have you been invited? I was not invited. Ever to any of his parties. Be honest. Okay, in years. No. But you have at one time.

I mean, we're talking, the last time that guy invited, and I'm talking about when I lived here, the last time he invited me to a party was probably like five years ago or six years ago or something. But you had been. I mean, like I said, it's been years.

I've never been invited. Not one fucking time. To a art crystal party? I wasn't invited to your birthday party. I wasn't invited to any of his parties. I like Kalyla. Thank you. Well, Leanne invites me

to her ornament exchange party over here, and that's neat. I'm always upset when I can't make it to that. Well, that's girls only. Yeah. Yeah, he doesn't invite us to anything. This is so messed up. So why don't you guys admit

that you were wrong for moving to Austin? And I want to hear that. I want to hear, because I know, let me just say something, okay? I know you regret the decision. I know it was a foolish mistake, right? Yeah. You guys keep coming back

to your little parties and like, oh, no, we're just here in town. We're catching up, you know what I mean? Whatever, whatever, right? But basically what at the end of the day is you fucked up. And I would love to hear an open, you know what I mean, acknowledgement.

And it's okay. You know what, guys, you too. I love you guys, your family. It's okay to make a mistake. I made a funny, you know what I mean? I bought a ticket for that Jurassic Park when Dominion. No good. No good.

Made a mistake, right? You went to Austin. So just admit it. It was a pretty big ticket. No, I think we're fully invested in Austin, man. Like, we really are. We have a home. We have our whole staff move there.

We have a studio. You know, we really are committed to Austin. I really like it. Okay. I do like it there. Okay. You have to come visit. But you can still,

I was just there last, I called you. Oh, we're here. Fuck you for that too, by the way. Excuse me. I said you're in Austin. No, no, fuck you for that. Right now I'm gonna tell you. Fuck you for that.

For what? I just remember, fuck you. Wow. Okay, can I tell you what happened? Yeah. I go, you're in Austin? Cause I saw him post like, I'm sorry I had a bad show or some crazy shit like that.

And so I go, you're in Austin? And he goes, yeah, dinner tonight. And I go, I have two shows tonight. Like that would be the dinner window, right? The first shows at seven and 10. I have two shows tonight. And he's like, okay. All right.

I can tell you why he's real salty about this whole thing. Okay, go ahead. Cause he feels like he bombed was it Saturday night or Friday night at a show. And then he runs into this girl right afterwards who's like, oh, how'd you do? And he was like, oh, I bombed. No, so I'm at CVS and I have epsom salt.

Like bags of epsom salt. To soothe the bombing. Yeah. That's what I do. And I'm walking around and I'm, I look upset. Sure. I'm on the verge of tears. It's a horrible feeling.

It was terrible. Go ahead. Wait, no, finish your story. No, no, no. I just wanted to correct you on that. Okay. So he was carrying epsom salt. Yeah.

Epsom salt. And a girl goes, oh, like, did you perform tonight? He was like, yeah, I bombed. Real bad. Really bad. And she goes, oh, I just went to go see Tom Segura and he crushed. Oh, okay.

Well, here's the thing. You can't get mad at her for telling the truth. Like I fucking murdered dude. It was ACL fucking Austin city limits. 2600 people wrap around theater. I did four shows there. Here's the thing. We all bomb and it's the fucking worst.

So nobody empathizes more with another comedian than another comedian. And firstly, I don't believe when you say that you bombed. I really don't believe that. Where did you perform? At a theater. Yeah, I don't. You bombed at the theater or it's a Bobby

like you're getting in your head about a moment that went sideways. You know, it's so funny life. Life is a funny thing because it's like, you see reality and you live reality and you feel things as a human being, right? And you experience life in the moment as it is, right? And then you have some people telling you otherwise.

Who's telling you otherwise? Everyone in this room right now. I believe you bombed. Thank you. You do? Thank you so much. I've seen you go up at the store. I've seen you for many, many years

and you're a skilled enough comedian. You've been doing this for how many years? You can put your fist down. 20s plus years. I highly doubt that you ate a shit burger. The whole time. You mean the whole hour you just ate shit. Let me explain myself.

Can't beat you. Can't beat you. May I explain myself? And also I have to get off the thing why I'm mad at you. Okay. Okay. So here's the deal. Okay.

I don't call you. So the girl at CVS goes, oh, Tom Segura, he just fucking killed it. Which is not the response when I say that I bombed. I just, I'm sorry. That's just not an organic response. Nobody wants to hear that. Right.

Which shows you why people who don't work, like who don't do what we do always say the wrong thing. They don't get it. They don't understand. My favorite is like, you'll sell out a venue and then the club manager, the theater, whatever manager will be like, but you know who sold out two of these?

I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just sold out this big thing and now you're telling me I'm not, like I'm not going in? I know. I know. It's always with Joe Coy with me.

It's like I'll sell out like, oh, but he did 19 in a row like this. And now you're like, oh, I should kill myself. So let me just go back to you because I just, I want to get this off my chest. Okay. So the lady says that, right? And I go, okay, you know what?

She doesn't know any better. I'm just going to just go to my hotel room, right? And then you called me. Text. Oh, that's right. Yeah. You called me, right? You're in Austin, this and that, right?

And then I called you, right? No. And we never called each other? No, you just texted me back. It was for your text, right? But here's the thing you're like, I go, well, what are you doing, right? And you go, oh, I got shows.

And you know what that means to me? I have sold out gigantic shows that I'm very busy. Just let me finish what I'm about to say. Okay, okay, okay. All right. So I'm a friend who's in your town. Right, right, right, right. Hurting, right?

And you're performing in Austin. I know that, right? Yes. You could have done this. You know what, dude? Uber here and we'll just hang out in the green room. Something like that. Why are you tomorrow?

You know what I mean? What are you doing for lunch? Let me tell you. Let me finish. I'm not done. Also, how does he know you're hurting? Yeah. Because he read on the fucking tweet, I tweeted,

that I had the worst set. Oh, okay. But it's a lot of responsibility on Tom to take care of your house. Let me just jump ahead. Let me jump ahead. Problem. Let me jump ahead to something though.

Why are you rolling your eyes? Therapy. Hello. All right. Let me jump ahead to something. Okay. I guess, I mean, sometimes you just don't connect the dots. I remember that I was in the car.

So I'm driving, which I shouldn't be. I look down and you're like, dinner. I write back the thing that is natural for me, which is like, I have two tonight. Like I have shows tonight. And I'm thinking that because you're in Austin, you have a show too. Like I don't go, do you have a show tonight?

I'm just thinking, if you're in Austin the next day after your show, you have another show. That was my thinking that you actually had another show even though- Did you see any advertisement that Bobby who was performing? Also, you did have a show the next night. He's not wrong.

I didn't have a show the next night. Yeah, but you had the whole gaming thing that where you had to play video games and all of that. So technically you have- First of all, I didn't bomb. Oh my God. All right. Just listen, listen.

How many people is that in your body? I don't know, I don't just listen. How many voices are in this fucking video? No, what happened was, so, I'm sorry. I need a nap. I'm just like- I'm so sorry. How are you?

I know. Well, that's why she broke up with me. Anyone that's moved on, I'm kidding. Anyway, let me just say this, okay? The poor girls exhausted. I had a candle for me. I thought that I bombed. This is the last I'm gonna say for the rest of the podcast

but I'm talking a lot up there. So let me just defend myself real quick. So after I was done, what I did was I performed after 20 other comics in a theater. So it was like a showcasing thing. And it was a guest star, right? And so there were more Altie, the great comics, but more Altie, the atmosphere.

And I'm more meat and potatoes like punchline, rape joke, punchline. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, queef, queef, you know what I mean? And I have like three queef jokes and they were just kind of like taking it back but they still enjoyed it. And the next day, everyone, you know,

cause I would walk around there like, you killed it last night. So in an alt room, right? Maybe what I did was good, but I see since I had club ears. Yes. You know how we have club ears? I have 100%. You have club ears.

So my bad, I didn't bomb. Okay. Right, so I overreacted. Yes, you did. And I didn't want to be intrusive and I love you guys. I love you. Can I ask you a favor? Okay.

Can I ask you a favor? Did you eat the epsom salt or did you put it? Can I ask you a favor? Yeah. Will you do a weekend with me? Oh, I would love to. Will you for real? 100%.

Are you kidding me? And you'll answer the phone like you'll answer trash. Dude, I will promote. And you don't have to pay me that much. Just give me opening fee. Because that would be a blast. What do I have to pay you? Per show.

All right, so how many seats is it? I mean, they're different. I don't know, they're all different, you know? All right, so I mean, I probably, if I did how many shows do you think I would do in a weekend? With me? I think we might end up doing like.

It's a lot, Bobby. Six, seven shows. Listen, he goes on a bus. It's like different city every night, airplane bus, airplane, but he is a rough, it's not easy. I mean, I have Bobby Lee. It's one weekend. I think you could use that.

I would love to do it for fun. But I can't do it for free. No, I'm not. I would probably, I don't know what you're gonna offer, but I'm gonna just, I think the fair price. If I'm thinking that you're doing theaters and stuff like that, I would probably ask for at least two grand. Per show?

Yeah. Okay. Is that a lot? I mean, I think it's reasonable. For an opener? I mean, it's reasonable. For an opener, it's reasonable. It's pretty reasonable.

How much time is he doing, Tom? You're doing 20, so. Yeah, 20, yeah. So I think 2,500 bucks, probably. Oh, you just raised it. I know, I just thought about it. But 2,500, I had two grand. Okay.

You're right. You know, I would do it for two grand and everyone heard it first. And I would do 20 minutes. And it'd be a good time for me to kind of try new stuff too as well. No. No.

What do you mean? It means you swing the fucking hammer on these shows. You don't try new stuff. Yeah, these are big venues. Like he's really successful. I want people to get the full Bobby Lee experience. I'll kill. No fucking Asian shit.

Just go out. No, just. Yeah, yeah. It'll be fun. It'll be fun. Yeah, yeah. But you know, Bert offered me a bunch of stuff. Okay.

And he never did it. What do you mean? How does it sense to me? He goes, I'm gonna make this happen. I make this happen. And I called my agents and they go, he never called. So what I'm saying to you is that, is this something that's coming out of your butthole?

Hold on. Or is it real? I'm texting my tour manager right now. Wow. Hold on. Wow. I don't know if there's a hole or not. There's follow through.

There it goes. He's doing it. Yeah. And when is it? That's gonna be another big thing. That's what I'm asking. Because I'm doing, I'm busy too.

Koala, I would like to discuss Trash Tuesday with you. Yeah. Another show I've yet to, we're scheduling that one too. And it seems like you guys are doing really well. It's very successful. Congratulations. Thank you. It's tough to get a new podcast.

Like just hitting. I think it's like, we were able to sort of capture lightning in a bottle a little bit. It's amazing. We're three very, very different girls. And I think it works out. You, Esther and Annie. Yeah.

Two normal ones, one not so normal. Anyway, go ahead. Who's not normal? I'm the not normal one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not the one. Go ahead. Yeah.

Puppy. Yeah. All right, here, let's switch it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen this one. Stop. Stop, man. Stop.

This is my most favorite video. I've watched this probably 50 times. Yes. What happened? I like that he. I think he's just trying to lift that TV. But he had so much belief in himself. That's what I really like about it.

I got this. All right. Oh, stop, man. Stop, dude. That means he's been saying like, I got this shit, you know? Well, he went to go do it again. He did. And his buddy had to go, stop.

You didn't do it the first time. What if it closed? I don't even think that was the first time. I think he was like, I got this shit. He did it like the fifth time. Well, it just folded in half. It really did. That last attempt.

What's this? I don't know yet. Oh, this guy's robbing that person over there. See? Right there? That's a robbery. Yeah, yeah. I see it.

He's robbing and then he's going to run away with whatever he just stole. Uh-huh. Oh. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. And then they get their stuff back. I am nice.

Now, you know what I would do? I would take his shit. Yeah. Yeah, because they hit wasn't enough for me. I was recently robbed. You were robbed? Yeah. All of my dive stuff was stolen.

No wallet, no money, no nothing. They broke the back windshield and they took all the dive stuff. But then I found it all. Well, I didn't. My friends of mine found it all on Craigslist. What? Yeah, these idiots didn't. Like they put all my dive stuff together.

Thousands of dollars of gear. Yeah. And the cops didn't want to get involved. And even though I had all this proof that, hey, this is mine, like we filed a police report in very like full detail. And so I just bought it back for like 250 for everything. No. You bought your own shit back?

Yeah, but it was still cheaper than the free ground I would have paid. Yeah, that's a lot. So anyway, Austin's pretty great. Where did it happen? In Hawaii. What is that? That happened in Hawaii. That happened in Hawaii.

Yeah. Now let me ask you this. Yeah. Was it locals? I don't know. I'm not sure. It was. Locals.

I'm not sure. Brown browns. Was that racist? That seems racist. What are we called again there? Chronics. Howling. Howling.

Chronics. They call them chronics there. Like the. The high ones? Yeah. When they're, when they use or they're in the experiments, they call them the, they call them chronics. I was robbed once in South Africa.

That, yeah. So I was during two o'clock in the afternoon. Were you there for the festival? Yeah. I walked out of my hotel room. Two guys tackle me. Geez. One guy has his knee on my back and the other guy is stealing my wallet and my blackberry,

right? Jayberg. Yeah. Yeah. And I look to my left and I see Ian Bag and Ori Adams just watching it. And I'm literally like this. Help. And they're just watching it like that.

He's like him running. They're smiling. They have a smile on their face. To me, in my, in my memory, it was like this. It was like this. It was like. Yeah. And that was so infuriated.

Did you guys talk about it? No, I, I have, I mean, I just, I think I talked to Ian Bag last night for the first time in like 12 years. Oh wow. Really? Sometimes I see him at the improv and I'll just kind of, hi. Right. But they did really betrayed me.

No, they're really nice guys, but I really was, I'm still kind of, I think angry about it. Yeah. It sounds like you are. Yeah. Would you do that if I was being robbed across the field? I would leave it alone. I would let you get robbed.

Johannesburg. All right, right, right. It's a super violent city. I mean, it also, I would be like, can we size up how many, like, what do they look like? How big are they? Are their weapons drawn? Like, you know, a lot of things going on through your head. Like if I saw a couple of little dudes, I get involved.

But if they were like big fucking guys, I'd be like, yeah, you know, he's got other stuff in his front pocket. Oh, so how do you describe it to the police? It's like, what do they look like? I was like, two black guys. Yeah. You know what I mean? And there's like, you're in Africa.

There's no, I mean, I didn't know the details. Did you do a sketch drawing? No, no, no. No, no, no. Well, they can be tall or short or fat. Have you guys seen the sketch drawing of the BTK killer? Of BTK? Can we get a picture of that side by side with a picture of us?

You always fucking bring this up, man. That is perfect. Wow. Yeah. That is perfect. And then you're comfortable with Dennis Rader just rotting away in a prison somewhere. What are you implying? That maybe it's time to just spill it all out.

Why did you do it? I didn't do anything. And that guy had it coming. He did all that. He did all that. Yeah. Murdering. Well, no, he got caught.

No, thanks. What? He's been talking about murders before you guys got here. I got a full dissertation on fucking John Wayne Gacy before you got here. Isn't there a new documentary? The girl in the picture. The documentary, I don't know if it's called. Not the John Wayne Gacy one, but there's a new one that everyone's talking about.

It's called The Girl in the Picture. The Girl in the Picture. And that everyone's sort of like really spooked by. I'll be watching this evening. Is it a doc or is it like a scripted film? It's a documentary. It is? Yeah, and it's apparently very horrific.

I've had enough of the murder stuff. I mean, I get obsessed with it. But do you know how BTK was caught? It was really, really startling. I mean, it just shows how checked out this guy was. Wait, which one is BTK? The one that looks like you. I know, but what did he do, though?

Because I get it mixed up. He killed 10, 11 people in Kansas, I think in Topeka. Oh, so this is the whole storyline of Mindhunter. Is it Mindhunter? Mindhunter does, yes. Like follows because like that program was started. I mean, before he actually got started. But the way that he got caught is that he had been silent,

didn't do anything for like over a decade. And then he started reaching out to the police again with like a taunting letter that let them know that this was definitely the guy. And then he asked them, he said, if I send you a floppy disk, will you be able to trace it? And answer me in the public paper, call me like Rod and let me know in the classifieds.

So they just were like, well, they knew that they could trace it. Yeah. But what they did was they go, nope, we're all good. Like go ahead. He believed it. So he sent a floppy disk as a test, just wrote like a test. And when they opened it, they traced it back to this church. And in the church, they were able to look at the people

who would profile match it and like the vehicle and all this stuff. And that's how they got him. He just sent them a fucking floppy disk. So he got sloppy with a floppy, basically. Sloppy with a floppy. What a dummy. Sloppy with the floppy. The technology.

Yeah. Maybe he wishes ready, you know, to be found out about. Well, he also told them that he was going to do it again in like the fall. He was giving them like a little like, I'm ready. What was his MO, only women? No. No, he killed a whole family.

Wow. Yeah. Yeah. That's incredible. Good stuff. Good stuff. Do you have any other videos? Yeah.

So here's another one. Horrible. It is a terrible thing. I don't like hearing these things. Like I don't need it. I don't need it. Two little boys. You think I want to hear about a serial killers abducting

children and raping? I don't need it. I don't want to hear it. Okay. We're going to just say this, but the odds of it, but the odds of it happening to you is pretty slim. No. I don't know.

You never know. Fuck, dude. But still, if you look at it, the odds are, you know, no, the odds are very like, like last night there was, there was like 12, 7, 11 in the LA area. Three people died and there was robberies, right? Yeah. And I go to 7, 11 late at night, late at night all the time,

but still not going to be that guy. I don't think, you know. Yeah. I don't know. The odds? Yeah. Sketch wise, it's up there. The probability of you.

But I don't think you're going to do it. Sketch wise. That's pretty amazing. How'd you discover that? Oh, look at that. Skateboarding with a beer. Nice. Uh-oh.

Oh. He saved the beer. Hey. Hey. Good man. That's called alcoholism. Yeah. Yeah.

Like he cared everything about the beer and not his body. Yeah. This is how I almost lost both my nipples, actually. Skateboarding? Bombing a hill just like that. Really? Yeah, in San Diego. It almost took out both of my nipples.

I was camping. You didn't know this about me? I got like road rest from like here to my toes. I had like gravel in my hands. Is that why your nipples are purple? My nipples aren't purple. They're perfectly like pink. Purplish.

You have not seen my body in a long time. Jesus Christ, Bobby. That's true. Yeah. But this was a, it looked exactly like that except I didn't drink a beer right after. When you guys found out that we broke up, how did you feel? Oh, it makes me sad. I hate when like comedy couples break up.

I hate like when anything happens in the comedy community. That's a bummer. I take it very personally. Yeah. And I love you guys together. And I'm glad that you guys are still keeping the podcast going. I can't imagine. I can't.

I mean, I imagine that's really hard. You're trying to kiss me? Yeah. Yeah. Do you, so how do you, how are you working together? And are you living together? When we how? Are you still living together?

Yeah. Not only just living together, but nothing has changed. And every night we still watch the same shows together. We still sleep on the same bed. I don't know when that'll change, but I think that I'm. I mean, for, for me, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be, I was trying to be nice and, and not so, you know, my ampie and stuff.

Yeah. I mean, so let me just get back into it in a casual way. You mean for me, I'll just let you know that nothing's changed. Like her and I, for the last three years, and I'll just be honest with you. We, you know, we've been sleeping on the same bed together and watching the same shows and giggling. We do tickle fests and, you know, we tickle each other. You know what I mean?

And we play little games. Like when I yawn, she puts her finger in my mouth. Different fun games that we play like that. Right. We know fuck though. Yeah. And I think it's my fault because I just, I don't know what it is. I just kind of lost interest, you know, and, you know, and also a

woman wants intimacy and then we, you know, I stopped wanting to get to know who she was and her dreams and her inside stuff. And that's the stuff that she lives for. That's who that's her love language, you know, right? I think that, you know, they say like five love languages. There's this lady on Tik Tok. It's like my only reference at this point. It's everything Tik Tok, but she was basically like, I think there's a

sixth love language and hers matches mine. Like I like feeling like someone knows me that I feel known or heard. And I'm still fully obsessed with who he is, but I don't think that in the last couple of years, like he's. That's me listening. Yeah. That's my love. I like that's how I feel loved.

I think is to feel known. If that makes any sense. Absolutely. Yeah. And I think that's a very basic human thing to be seen and understood and known and that's my fault too, though. Like I've wrapped my entire life around like his existence and I've been very like I'm obsessed with him, you know, so it's very exciting to put all of

my eggs on the Bobby Lee basket and to always put my energy there that I think I just forgot about myself. And in turn, he forgot about me because how can he, you know, I didn't forget about you. No, I mean, like, you know, in a romantic way, all in all other regards, it works. Right. We're best friends.

We have a great time together. There's still like a deep love there, but in a romantic way, like I think that's what happened. Like I wasn't taking care of myself. So yeah, like that we made a relationship into public father and it was like, yeah, we revealed too much of ourselves and everyone knows, you know, I mean, about our intricacies and the little little things and why did you reveal so much?

You think I don't know why I know because I've never been in a situation like honestly, when we started doing the podcast together, we I didn't we had no one listening. No one liked it. Right. I had 10 views or whatever. So I'm just like, we'll just say whatever. Yeah.

You know what I mean? I said, I made up stories. I in podcasts, I just, what do I do? And we would come up. I would just talk about our lives in the most intimate way. And then over the time, people just started listening. You know what I mean? And then we became, we had fans and stuff.

And then all of a sudden it was like the genie was out of the bomb. We just, it was just kind of too late to become a different kind of podcast. So I just constantly just did it. Shared it. Yeah. And it was just hard. I mean, I know how you guys do it, but you guys probably don't reveal intimate things about you guys and, and personal things.

It's probably, it's probably, it's more calculate. Yeah. So yeah, not as much for sure. Not as much. Yeah. I mean, do you guys still cuddle and all that stuff? I mean, when's the last time you had a cuddle session? So you ever see this?

No, no, no. I want to know for myself. I want to know what's going on here. Oh. Oh. Yep. Oh. Can you do that, Bobby?

Did they teach you that? Asian guys, no, Asian guys do this. I can probably do that. Yeah. Yeah. Let's try it out. All right. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. No. Good. People are walking by and shit. Oh. What are you guys doing here?

I know what it is and you're not going to believe me. Okay. We're trying to perpetuate a stereotype because the stereotype that we have small penises isn't true. But these guys are trying to perpetuate it. Oh. They're trying to lower smaller their penises. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Because it's just like easier to become in a box. You know what I mean? Sure. My dick is like, I have like, you know, medium dick energy, you know what I mean? It's like, sure. You know, it's average. Right.

You know, if we got a wreck, not that I've ever seen your penis, but if we did, we had a contest or something like that. You might give me, you may have an inch. You think an inch? Maybe an inch, inch and a half more. I mean, but it wouldn't be like, you wouldn't be shocked. Like, yeah. Like, whoa, your cigar is killing it or whatever.

Yeah. He's got a pretty good one. Mine's okay too though. That's what I'm saying. I'm like, I'm not even, I'm just going to go on a limb and say, mine's legit. Okay. Yeah. I mean, mine's like, like it would test better than his, I think, in a TV show.

For TV shows? Oh yeah. If they had like a, you know, a focus group. Yeah. And they compared our erect penises. I would believe that mine would test better. Why would it test better? Yeah, why?

But look, I'm cuter. I'm just, I'm cuter than you are, bro. You are cute. Yeah. You think, you're cute too. I'm not saying that you're not cute. Yeah. I'm just saying that you really think you're cuter than I am.

I just didn't, I didn't even say that. I just, you know, I just gave you that you're cute. I think you're cute too. I think he's domineering. I think Tom looks scarier than you. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So I just think that your dick maybe looks a little scarier than mine, but still cute. So it would test as a scary, but somewhat cute dick. It depends on what show it was in. Yeah. You know what I mean? If it was on like an NCIS. Yeah. Any of those, it would probably test pretty good.

But if yours was in like Malcolm in the middle, it would just be like, oh no, whatever. Yeah. You know what I mean? Or any like sitcom. Mine's just very, it's just average. It's just an average penis. You know, mine too. Yeah.

Could you stop? Just give yourself credit. It's a great average. Yeah. It's average is great. It's husband. It's pretty good. Yeah.

You've never complained. Oh, you do? Really? Yeah, it is. Oh, cool. It's normal. No, that's pretty cool. It meets the American Medical Association recommended.

It does. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool, dude. Yeah. What do you think is going on there? Well, this is not what I wanted to show you. It really is that I wanted to show you this.

Okay. Is it another Asian thing? Yeah. Oh, man. Oh. Man. Look at him LOL-ing. My husband thinks it's hilarious.

Oh, these guys aren't moving fast enough. Do you think he cares a lot? Not at all. I think he's happy. Oh, bro. Is this your tribe of Asian? Definitely. What kind of Asian is this?

Don't get me in trouble. Do you know where this is? Can you guess? Yeah, I can probably guess. I'll tell you. I know exactly where this is. All right. So, baby, you...

Okay, we're both Asian. Yeah. Push pause for a second. Okay. Let's do an introduction of this game. What Asian tribe is this? I'm going between Vietnamese and Chinese, but I'm going to go with Vietnamese.

Okay. Okay. I'm going to go with Philippines. Oh, stupid. It's not. No. Are you stupid? Also, there is a dead kind of a pretty big hint.

What? Well... Can I get another shot? Yeah. Just listen to his... Just listen. That's a word. I know what it is.

Go ahead. Go ahead. I already gave my guess. What was it? I said Vietnamese or Chinese, but I'm going to go with Vietnamese. Okay. Can I say something?

Yeah, yeah. Thailand. You're... No, but the right letter. Oh, Taiwan. That's correct. Yeah. That's correct.

That's correct. That's correct. That's correct. Oh, Taiwan. That's correct. Yeah. Do I get better? Do I win that or not?

I mean, no, you lost. But you did give her a good hint. Da, da, da. Thanks for playing. That Asian drive. Is there more Asian stuff? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. This is fun doing the Asian tribe thing. Yeah, yeah. This is a... We're kind of Asian. This folder is called For Bobby. Okay. There you go.

Can I just say... Before you go... Oh, okay. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love these. Me too. I'm always impressed. I know what these chicks can do.

I don't see that. That looks just like mine. Yeah. Okay, okay. That's a prawn. It's a prawn. Was it alive? No, no, no, no, no.

No, but I'm built like a prawn. Like if we're just going to... Oh, that's what you're... It's like a prawn? Yeah. Okay. You know what I always think though is how bomb that sauce is on that dish. Like it's always the sauce that makes these seafood mukbangs or whatever looping.

How do I say it? But it's always in the sauce. It's got to be killer. That's probably a pretty good sauce. I love the Joduck videos. The ones that look like the clam. The ones that look like penises. Yes, I've seen those.

Yeah, I like those too. Yeah, what is that? It's a clam. It's a Joduck, yeah. And they do look like penises. Yeah, and they're delicious. Yeah, they're really good. That's Vietnamese, right?

Actually... A lot of people don't know this. Her nails are too long for those chopsticks, huh? What is it? Do you want to know something crazy? Boston. That's what this is. What is that she's eating?

It's a clam chowder in a bread bowl. No, it's alive. Those are definitely alive. Those are silkworms? Yeah. Is that what that is? No. Some type of worm.

I know in China, they eat silkworms. I'm sorry. Korea. When I was in Korea, they did. The sauce, again, I bet you you could fucking put sauce on anything and make it taste good. I think so. I absolutely... You know what?

I'd probably try that. Yeah. You would try that? Yeah, there's a few things I wouldn't eat. I'd try... I'd eat everything. Really? And everything, even if something's alive, it doesn't throw you off at all?

Maybe like... Insects? Yeah, the only thing I will need is probably like a live cockroach. Yeah, that'd be gross. Not a can do. I heard that in Inuit culture that the seals eyeballs are like... But it's considered an honor to be given them. I think eyeballs or anything brain matter is very creamy and delicious.

Oh, okay. All right. Way to go. Bobby's not agreeing with you, but... I'm like a Morton's kind of a guy. You know what I mean? Yeah. I like to do the boa.

Yeah. I go to boa. I go to Michelinie kind of places. Yeah, but Morton is not Michelinie. I'm just saying that's the bottom of it. The bottom of the steakhouse. I know, but that's the bottom. You know what I mean?

What I'm just saying is that... That's slum in it for you, Morton. Yeah, like I couldn't... Is that made me fancy or... No. Kind of fancy? Yeah, but I can't... Would you eat that?

You wouldn't eat that. I try it. I take a bite. Yeah. Because again, it's these Asian sauces are so goddamn good that they would mask... Or the sauce. That's what I'm saying. I put that on everything.

Yeah. Like you can put a hoisin or a fucking... Point for Bobby. Or the fucking sauce. Just order the sauce. Like a gallon of the sauce? I would try it. It's gotta be good.

What about the wormy thing? Fuck the wormy thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if all these people are eating it in this other country, it's gotta... There's something to it. I know, but there's a restaurant in China that only serves animal penis. Yeah, that's lunch show. Lunch show's delicious.

See? What about the lunch show? That's animal penis? It's like a bull dick. No, but they have a variety. You can get donkey. You can get marsupial. I mean, there's all kinds of varieties of...

It's just... Isn't it a muscle? You know, it's just flesh. It's just a... No, you're right. It's just a... Would you eat the dick? If they told me what it...

Well, I don't know, man. It would have to... I think the environment would have to encourage it. In other words, like, if we're all sitting around and you're like, it's good, and then you're like, come on, take it... But if you're just like, hey, you showed up, they're like, do you want to eat some dicks? Okay, let me answer this. We're in China.

We're in China, right? And I go, there's two options. There's... We have the animal penis restaurant. But I know a good animal pussy restaurant. Would you go to the animal pussy or animal dick? I don't know. It'd be awesome.

It'd be awesome. And it's not being sexist. I'm just asking you, which one would you eat at? You know, I'm going to munch that box with you all the time. Thank you so much. Yeah, I'll make reservations because I'm not doing the animal dick. I don't like tripe. I don't like the consistency.

I like deep ass. I like all entrails, I think. Really? I like chicken hearts. And I like chicken feet. Chicken feet. They call it Adidas in the Philippines. Adidas?

Adidas, yeah. And then they call that chicken head Walkman. Yeah. Ooh. I got a response. From who? From the tour manager. Okay, what did they say?

Okay, so the first like good string of dates would be in October. It's difficult. It is difficult. But let's see. It would be a Canada run. I love Canada. We would do Kitchener, London, Ottawa and Halifax. Are we doing a gig in Canada?

What? When? You and I are. What are you talking about? Are we doing an outdoor Winnipeg something? No, Edmonton. What is that? That's a festival.

That's like, you know. It's a comedy festival. Yeah, but that's like one show. I'll see you there. I know. Okay. I'm asking you if you want to come on this one. All right.

Sorry about that. So are the outdoor events? No, no, these are all. Okay, I'll do it. Indoor? Yeah. And what are the dates? October 13th through the 16th.

Yes. Can we lock it in now? I'll lock it in now. Because that's when I shoot. And just like that. I can't wait. You were the brightest spot in just like that. And I have to say that you were the, every time you came on, it was like, oh my God,

Bobby Lee, and you were so bright and so good. Thank you. Really, it was such a train wreck of a fucking series. What they did with my beloved character. But that being said, I'm hopeful for season two and I'm thankful for season two, but you absolutely killed it and you were a joy to watch. Thank you. You did a great job.

I have no idea what the hell is going on there. I don't know what I'm playing. I don't know what's going on. I've never seen the show. So my point is, is that I like doing it because I just know that everyone's nice and stuff and I just do it. I have a theory on this. So years ago when Bobby was still an up and coming comic, he was on set with Kim Cattrall

who basically hurt his feelings really badly and who told him straight to his face, you're never going to make it. What? Basically, I think my theory as Bobby is the new Samantha. That would be awesome. Is this a version of you saying you bombed in Austin and then you're like, oh. No, because I had backup. This really happened.

I had backup. Can you tell me the story? Yeah, I'll tell you the story and I have backup. So I don't even like the accusations. That's not it. The direction you're going. I don't like it. Okay.

I think it's offensive and I think that it's aggressive and I don't like it. Okay. I'm sorry for everything that I did. Yeah, yeah. But let me ask you. God, don't you believe Bobby? Okay. Let me ask you.

Years ago. Years ago. Okay. Just quick, quick the story. Right. So years ago. I am in the nineties. Right.

I auditioned for a Pepsi commercial. Like as you do as a young guy, you probably auditioned for a bunch of shit. Dozens of them. Right. So in this particular one, they were looking for a towel boy for this commercial. It was a Super Bowl commercial. Yeah. And I go and I auditioned and then they couldn't choose between me or Eric Stone Street.

To be towel boy. You know Eric Stone Street? He plays Cam on Modern Family. The big gay guy. Big gay guy. Super funny. Kind of popular too. Yeah.

But at that time. So weird that Christina doesn't know a pop culture reference. He's pretty huge. He's won a couple of Emmys. He's won a couple of Emmys. Hold on. Hold on. I'm sorry.

I've only been raising Archie. Oh man, this is always the thing. I don't know anything. Six years of changing diapers and wiping tushies. Don't have time to watch the Super Bowl. Okay. Anyway. Keep going.

Thank you. Back to story. Yeah. Right. So I, you know, who's directing it? Yeah. Is Michael Bay. He's directing the commercial.

I know. I know who that is. It's a famous film director. Very good. Yes. I was a huge Michael Bay fan. And anyway, this is the first I've ever had really. Like one of the first ones.

So I didn't know how to be on a set. I was so scared. You know how scared I get? Sure. I'm just a scared guy. You know what I mean? I was so nervous. And you're just being towel boy, right?

Yeah. And it was just me and Eric Stonesford being towel boys for Kim Cottrell and she was in a bathtub. So there was a scene where I had to carry these 15 towels. It's a makeshift towel. It's a gag where I walk into a room and you know what I mean? I'm trying to balance these towels, right? And as I walked in the room, Kim Cottrell is off to my right.

And there was a light and the towels were blocking the light. So I had to be walking in a specific angle. For the light to hit my face, right? And as every time I would walk in, Michael Bay would be like, No. Nope. I can't see your face. Right?

And I go, oh, sorry. I'll start over. Another Asian accent when I get nervous. Right? So I would go back. Action. I would go, what the fuck? What the fuck, dude?

Right? Like traumatic, right? And I'm sweating. My face is sweating now. The eighth time in, this is what he does. Action. I do it right. God damn it!

And he comes up to me, right? I don't know why I'm standing. Yeah. Sit back down because I can hear it better. Why'd I do that? I don't know. But he comes up to you. Because I get so animated.

Yeah, yeah. I apologize. I'm so sorry for standing. That was ridiculous. He comes up to me. He grabs my face. Right? And he goes, here!

Here! Like that. Right? I'm trembling because my dad used to beat me. So, and it was like all that stuff was coming up. You know what I mean? And it just couldn't function. Like everything I did on the thing was wrong.

Right? Yeah. And then on top of that. So now Kim controls in a bathtub. Just like, she's just sitting there just watching this kid just not be good. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so at the end of the night, I was just standing there with Eric.

You know, Eric and I are very good friends. And he's, I just love the guy. And we're just standing there. And you know, he's one of those guys that's just like, come on, man, you're fine. Everything's fine. And I don't know, dude, I'm out of the business. You know, whatever your internal dialogue is. And I can see Kim control walk up to us.

And we're just standing there and she goes up to Eric and goes, you can be a very big star. Just don't straight. And she walks up to me and she goes, and she walks away. That's unnecessary. Yeah. Like she walks away. Big way.

It's like very shaming. It's like shaming someone for not knowing pop culture references after they've been raising children for six years. Exactly, dude. It's ridiculous. That was heavy. That was heavy. So it was.

Bobby, you're going to be successful in this business. And Christina, let me tell you something. That was wrong that I did that. I shouldn't have shamed you for not knowing. And also kind of just say something. You should. Thank you, Tom, for educating me. You're supposed to say that.

You should. You should cuddle or more and stuff and be more intimate and just just hold her. Thanks. The cuddles is too hot for him in the summertime. I get wintertime cuddles. But don't you think that's life picking up on that traumatic moment for him and then making him, putting him on a show where she's no longer a part of but now she's a part of.

It's show business karma works, my man. You think so? It's called. Definitely. 100%. It's show biz karma. It's the person. I always loved the saying is be nice to everybody on your way up because you will see them again

on your way down. Yeah. Because everybody's star inevitably wanes a little bit. And so this Kim Cattrell, this Kim Cattrell got her come up. It's because now you're going to take her place. And, you know, separate from your story, I mean, obviously that character, it was fantastic on Sex and the City. Her character.

Some man. Right? Was that a name of her character? Yeah. Yeah. She's fantastic. I mean, it's a great iconic character. But everybody for a while now that has worked on that show says negative things about her.

Like she's not a beloved person. Maybe. I don't know. No, it's well documented. Like they. Well, I know some things that I can't discuss. Of course. By being there and talking to some people, but it's like, I do have to admit that it is,

I do kind of giggle to myself when I'm there on set and stuff with all the girls and stuff. And these are so iconic and they're so nice. Like Sarah Jessica Parker is like one of the nicest people. She's like, she'll text me and she's just like, how are you? I mean, she's like, I have three lines and I thought, why would you even care? I should enter. I should invite her to my party next time. You should.

Yeah. Could she be your plus one? You know, I'll be honest with you. I probably will never go to your party again. Why not? It was so fun. It's just too many mistakes and too many things. And yeah.

You missed out on the karaoke. But I will do your show and I just feel like you want to have a bond right now. Yeah. I really do. I feel like you want to have a bond right now and I will do your show. I'm going to kill for you. Are you going to agree to lock it in though? I will lock.

You know what? I'm going to say something right now, dude. I will lock it at 100%. I will maverick it. You want maverick? Yeah. I'm going to maverick it. I'm going to be the hero of the show.

And you know what they're going to say? What? You know what, dude? I mean, Tom Segura in itself was just amazing. And you know, I should have paid more money to come to the show. But that probably will lead to what a magical night. That would be lovely. And I don't want to talk to you right now because right now, right now, right now,

I don't know what you're trying to do, but you're being very nasty to me. Do you want to do more? Do you want to do another weekend too? I will do whatever you want. Okay. Because I feel like you won't have a strong bond. We go to China, go to the pussy fucking restaurant. Yep.

You'll not, right? I'm going to the dick eating. I'm going to share one blue whale pussy. Blue whale pussy. Today you pussy. And in like in Asia, it's interesting that we eat a dick. Have they eaten it in Philippines or China? I don't know.

I just never heard of it. I've never heard of it either. What's there to eat? It's like a hole. Yeah. How do you eat a hole? Oh, you dumb, dumb. There's an outside.

It's just this. Flaps of meat. Bobby. It's like the artichoke. You know when you eat the artichoke? I got something for you. Cover your genitals. Okay.

Ready? Is that you, babe? No. What do you think? You'd never be into this. Oh, here we go. I like this part. Oh, no.

Not that part. Yeah. Yeah. Not that part. No. I don't think she has a good hitting technique. I don't think so either. Well, she's trying to like not hurt him.

Oh. This is WWF hitting. She's like white. You're pulling back. Oh, that I'm into. Yeah. Slap is fun. Slap is pretty good.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's pretty hard. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, you just love me once. Very lightly. Yeah, but yeah. In a sweet way. But you're a very, No, you don't. You're a very gentle, gentle lover, I would say. Very gentle.

I think I came on a little too hot. Don't put that. It's a good thing. Don't put that out there though. It's such a good thing. You see that every fucking part I'm a gentle lover. And when you put that out there, Yeah.

It makes me look like a fucking pussy. How? Like I'm just like gentle like a, the guy that sings fire, fire and rain. What's his name? Some homo. John Denver? No, fire and rain.

You got fire and rain. What's his name? James Taylor. James Taylor, yes. I feel like I fuck like him. How do you think James Taylor fucks? Gentle. Yeah.

You know what I mean? And you're in there like a beast, dude. Yeah. No, I'm not a beast, but I'm just saying, I'm not like brushing. I'm more like, you know, like, you know, sometimes like Rembrandt, maybe, you know, he brushes,

I want to be more like Pollack. Yeah. You know, like, you like that? Yeah. You don't like that. That's not your style. That's not you. Don't say that.

I know. Okay, maybe. Okay. When you, when you say it out there. Be honest. Yeah, but that's the thing. What I love about you. How do I fuck them?

Gentle. Like a very considerate. No, no, no. So considerate. Not really into eating pussy that much, but. I am. I love the pussy. But can I just put those out there?

It's my number one thing. It really is. Stop fucking saying that. Because you don't kind of just be honest with you. I've eaten so much pussy. And I've done so much good pussy work. I know. I think, okay, here, I'll give you this.

I think there, there are, I think you do a great job when you're finally down there. But I will say there are dudes who are just so hungry for eating pussy and other dudes who aren't necessarily like, you know. I'm 50. Yeah. Right.

When I was 20, I was hungry for it. Are you saying one is better than the other? No, no, no. Because he doesn't have that natural, like some, some dudes are just like, that's all they think about. I'm so El natural dude. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm so like, that's like, I was born with a gift. Really? I love pussy. I don't know what you're saying. You know what I mean? I'm not saying you don't love pussy. Some people just put it out there. That's what they want.

Yeah. I'm a dirty. I'm a shit pig. I'm a toilet. Yeah. I only deserve rape. Oh. Dehumanization.

Okay. Decredition. If you see me walking on the street, shout, hey, shit pig. Oh. And I will come to you. I would love to. I will drink your piss.

Eat your shit. Enjoy your verbal humiliation. A piss over me. You can shit over me. You can show your friends what a dirty, disgusting shit I really am. Oh. His teeth are so white.

They're so white. Yeah. Beautiful teeth. Yeah. White strips or something. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's like, there was this one porn I watched one

time. It's a series of porn. And I don't like it because it's got that kind of attitude in it. I like that either. I don't like this. The porn is called Meat Holes. Wait, no, that was a whole website.

No, but there was a DVD series called Meat Holes. Meat Holes. Yeah. And it's, and it was so, it's just like that kind of. I don't like it. All gay. I'm a piece of shit. I'm a whore spit in my face.

And I was just like, That doesn't really do it for me. It doesn't do it for me too. I just kind of like, I mean, I jerked off to it, but I just after. Yeah. Yeah. You're just looking for the moments to get you.

Yeah. Yeah. I like his little baby mustache. That's not really a mustache. Is that? Those three hairs? The three hairs. What happened to him though as a kid?

Do you think he had parents? Good things. This is a, this is a. Are you think good things happen to as a kid? Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's always interesting when they choose to make videos in the bathroom. It's such a funny choice. Cold tile. Yeah. Like really is the bathroom the best lit in most homes? I guess. But yeah.

I generally don't choose the toilet, but not everyone that had whatever is upbringing. Yeah. Right. Does that. No. People like will go to a different direction. Like.

Like her and I. Yeah. We were real fucked up trauma traumatic childhoods and we decided to like, let's just make the best of it and let's go to therapy. Like I see a therapist and a psychiatrist. That's a positive way to for it to go. Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

You don't always have to do this. No, you don't. I mean, don't do this. No. Yeah. Yeah. Like when you're thinking like this, do something out. Yeah.

Get help. That guy needs help. Yeah. But he doesn't know it probably. He does. Yeah. Somebody's got to tell him. You're not a pig.

You're not a pig. Yeah. I'm not going to say, hey, shitbag when I see you on the street. Yeah. If I saw that guy, I was just like, what's up, man? Yeah. Yeah. He needs that.

Yeah. Not like, you know what I mean? And this comes full circle. This is why I introduced you to Asians at that party. Because they could all use somebody to be like, hey, man, what's up? You know? Hey, you're not a shitbag. Yeah.

You're just Asian. Like you want me to say that to him or me? No. I wanted you to be the nice guy to the people. I mean, why don't you tell me that? You should have said this, pulled me aside and goes, hey, bud, I know this is going to sound weird, but you know, there's a bunch of Asians here. Not a lot, but there's like five.

I'm about to introduce you to all of them. Yeah. And at first I'd be like, Tom, you don't need to do that, right? Because I'm going to find me, right? Yeah. And you're like, no, but the reason why is because, you know, they're like this guy. And then they're like broken. They're all deeply traumatized.

And I want you to encourage them, right? Yeah. And I'd be like, you know what, dude, I'm going to do some service, right? Yeah. And that way. You grab my hand and go here. Here's Tangtang. Wait, but to be fair, one of them was super talented at that break.

He was amazing. He was amazing. Really talented. I thought I was introducing you to your new best friend. Yeah. He's so talented. Why don't you want to be friends with a cool break dancer? Yeah.

You think you're too good for him or something? Because oh, and Bobby Lee. No, I don't have a lot of Asian friends. You're right. He was doing you a service. I was right about to say that. I think he read Tom written to the fact that like, I think you could use more Asian friends. I have one.

That's it. That number. No. How come? One's enough. One Asian is enough. Self-hating Asian. No, not self-hating Asian.

No. Can I just say something? Yeah. Any fucker, right? That has 30 good friends. It doesn't have a single good friend. That's true. That's true.

That's true. Let me ask you something and be real and to the audience. Right. Right. How many friends do I have? Be honest. Guys, I hang out with and guys. Two.

Yeah. Because it's hard to get in my circle. I believe. I'm Bobby Lee bitch. Right. I think I'm one of them. And then. Yeah.

You are one of them. Okay. Let me just finish. All right. And when I say Bobby, I'm trying to motivate myself to be more confident in my life. And when I said I'm Bobby Lee bitch, you did an I thing. What? Yeah.

You know, it's so funny. When I see you outside of this podcast, you and I are like brother, a two long, long lives brothers and sisters that haven't seen each other. I mean, the way we hug. You're my God. And we hug. And I hear you're rolling your eyes and doing all these weird things. Because you have like non-sugar free red bull energy right now.

Yeah. Like you need an exorcism or something. Also, you're a little different with your new look. Yeah. I feel. Oh, my look. My sassy. I was going to say something.

I thought that that was her real look. Oh, no. This is something. She's taking it for a spin. Yeah. She's like, I'm going. What is my new look? That's what I'm saying.

She's going back to Goth. Goth mom. That's who I am. That is so good. Thank you. I think post break up, I think I need a new look. I'm shopping for one. Well, come on over.

It's a short hour and a half in makeup. Can we do, can we throw it back to like Chola Goth? Hell yeah, we can, dog. Okay. I would love to do a Chola Goth. Bobby, I am here for you. Why don't we go shopping together? I would love to go anywhere you want.

You know what? It's my treat. Whatever you want, daddy. What? What? No, being real. Do you want to embrace a new look? You want to go to Golden Goose?

I'll give you Golden Goose shoes. Do you want to go? Do you want to embrace a new look? I'll do anything you want me to do, baby. Okay. And I'll wear the chains and I'll walk around your house and I'll bark. I'll go, what? Go!

Go! Cigarette! And I'll do whatever you want. What draws me to human play is I like the gear. I like the... Oh, that's cool. I love these guys. It just makes me feel like I am 10 foot tall and bulletproof.

I get this so much. I love dogs so much. Not this part, but the other stuff. Oh, let's have a look at the middle hole there. I don't like this bit. Oh, good puppy. Oh, that's a good boy. Very bright.

Is he? He's putting a tail in there. I thought he was like expressing his anal glands. Oh, right. That could be done too, but it's a tail. Look at that little hole there. Oh, puppy, that's... You rest your head on the bed there.

Oh, all done. All done, puppy. Are you okay? Good puppy. This is what I want to do with you. I can close that all day. Puppy. I was just kidding.

Oh. I was just totally kidding. I could totally see you doing this though. Really? Not you. I'm sorry, Bobby. I see Bobby in this costume, the latex, and then the head. Oh, you really do see me doing that?

Yeah. Really? Yeah. You see me just randomly being on a black chair like doing that? Why would I do that? Just giving it a whirl. You know, like I could see you being this open and like, yeah, give it a try.

You're like, I try things. No, I would do it for a sketch if you taped it for a laugh, right? But I wouldn't do it for like a serious... Is that a promise? Yeah, I would do it for fun to get a laugh, but I wouldn't do it as a serious... I don't want to write that down. You don't think I would do that?

I would do it for a sketch. You wouldn't do that. You would let it get inserted for a sketch? What's it going in the butt? Yeah. What is it? It's a tail with like, you know, I mean, it's meant for the butt. So it's designed...

So it's a butt plug with a tail attached to it? Yeah, with a tail on it. It looks very... It's really cute. Will it be funny? Yes, it would be funny. Hilarious. Fuck yeah, man.

Anything for comedy? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I wear the thing. But can I be a different... Can I design my own outfit? Okay. Not that I would care.

Well, what kind of dog would you want to be? I want to be a cuter one. I don't want to be a black one. Like a pecanese. Oh, I love that. What's the Korean dog that we like? Or the Asian dog? Jindo.

Yeah, Jindo. Oh, norakida. I don't want to be Jindo. No, Shiba Inu is what you like. I love Shiba Inu. I want to be Shiba Inu. So I want a lighter color thing. Yeah.

Right in the tail. And then who's the other guy putting the thing in? That's me. That would be me. What kind of dog are you, Tom? I think I would be a pug. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But we do it for comedy, right?

A hundred percent. Right. It's not serial. No, no, no. And we'd be laughing the whole time. Right. But there's no sexual connotation or attachment. No.

Does this seem sexual? It does. Oh. Well, no. For us, it wouldn't be. So we'd be giggling. We'd be laughing. Then you have a deal.

So I get that opening weekend. Right. And we do this. Yep. We could. That's what's happening in Canada. I think we probably fill that face in Canada. Right.

They're from New Zealand. I think they're Kiwis, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. You're touring there too, eventually. In January, we could meet them. Oh, perfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

All right. What is what is going on? What is this guy saying? Hey, I'm at the Speedway fishing. And I ain't never seen shit like this before. Okay. Yeah. It's some black folks with goddamn serious talent.

Watch this shit. He's just a southern guy, dude. I don't know, but we, I mean, it's in the folder. It says play for Bobby. I know. Okay. Can I just say something real quick? Yeah.

I want to be really cool and it's not for comedy. I understand. And I'm not even doing a thing where I'm trying to be confrontational. I understand. But also, I know you don't understand. I want to be real, be real serious. But be real real.

If it's something about this folder prep, just look to your left. Okay. I didn't prep the folder. I know, but you're the boss. So it's like, you could go, you know, I'm not going to do this anymore. I'm comfortable. So I just want to ask you, and I want to be, I don't, I know

it's the red bull. I don't want to be, I just want to be real with you. And you cut this part out. I don't know if it's live. You can cut this part out. It's not live. All right. Good.

So let me just be real with you for a second. Okay. And you as well, because I think you're part of it. Oh my God. Okay. I want to let you know this. Look at me, Tom. Okay.

Okay. I don't know anything about being Asian. I don't think about it. Like when I wake up and I go, hmm, I'm Asian. Yeah. It's not even a thought processes. Not even when you get like to brush your teeth. You're looking in the mirror.

No, I don't, I don't look at, no, I don't look in the mirror and go, whoa, I'm a Korean guy brushing my teeth. Really? Yeah. Really? I'm, I'm myself. Like, do you say I'm half Peruvian? There's a half fat Peruvian guy with a fat skinny.

Here's a half fat skinny, but still looks fat. Peruvian guy brushing his teeth. Right. Wow. I'm a half fat, ugly Peruvian guy. Why is it so ugly? I know. It gets worse.

You know this tree, right? Do you think that? No. Actually. You just are a half Peruvian, half fat kind of fat guy. To answer your question, I do think that pretty often. Like I do think that pretty often. Oh, you do think that?

Yes. Of course. Well, then you need help. I do too. I'll be like, I'm blonde, but I'm my roots are growing and I'm not as blonde right now. Right. Right.

But what I'm saying is that, but every single video, whenever I'm out on this podcast, has something to do with Asians like, you're right, tell me about this, look at this accent. But is not your fault? Kind of. It is my fault. It is my fault. You're right.

You're right. You know what? You're right. Yeah. You're right. Hold on. I think you're right. It shouldn't just be stuff like that.

A fucking Korean guy. No, you're more than that. You can comment on more than just Asian things. You're more than just Asians. That being said though, what's she doing? Why is she doing that? God, those front teeth are so strong. Well, Chinese people have buck teeth.

Is that what you're saying? They have buck teeth? Is that what you're saying? Like if you look at any cartoon drawings. That's so true. Why did they do that? That's not true. Well, they're just true.

Look what they're doing. What's the most famous one? Breakfast at Tiffany's. Breakfast at Tiffany's. Yeah. He does. Remember what he says? Why are you laughing?

I just love it. You just love it. Yeah. There he is. Mickey Rooney. Mickey Rooney. Yeah. And he says cataract.

Yeah, how does he say? I can't even watch that because it's so offensive. Really? Yeah. But you know what the 2022 version of that is? I'll switch it up. I'll switch it up. Yeah.

That's what the 2022 version of that is. Also, let me talk to these guys. Knock it off. Yeah. Who's the one that's doing it and being real? And you don't look at the folders before we come? No. It just says, look, the thing says for Bobby.

Yeah. But Bobby, you don't see this as an incredible talent. Look, I found this on TikTok. Okay. I'm not going to be honest with you. I didn't say, oh, a Chinese lady. I went, wow, this bitch has got great front teeth. Right.

I wouldn't do that. I've got fake veneers that would crack. Let's switch it up. Let's not do any more Asian stuff. I admire her talent. Yeah. All right. Thank you to my friend on TikTok.

Tell me to read the big letters. I didn't pay attention to the big letters. I was just looking at the other ones. They are wrong what they said. I was born in September. You're fat. I'm not saying the other word. That's really funny.

They are wrong what they did. I'm not reading the other ones that you're fat. I'm not saying what the other word is. Look. Yeah. Let me point something out. Yeah. That's great.

Not Asian. But we don't know. No, I've seen her. No, she's definitely not Asian. Yeah, I don't just don't know. This is her. Oh, I see. Oh, I see.

I dated black men. Okay. Oh. Now you want more of this? She's on TikTok. I want to follow her. She is on TikTok. My mother is on the left side of the room.

01:46:18,400 --> 01:46:19,400 She's on the right side of the room. What's her role thing? What's her role thing? Well, sometimes she has no teeth. And she usually responds angrily to people's comments. She's always keyed up.

Yeah, that's my tour. I'm not this and that. I'm not the. It's usually that. Does someone like this make money? No. She's not monetized. She's not a TikTok star.

I don't want to say her names, but, you know, like, I know a couple of guys that really kind of didn't fully make it as a stand up will come up to me and go, you know, I'm doing pretty well. I got like 2 million followers on TikTok. And I just want to go. Really? That's my dream.

Really? I feel like I'd make it if I could just get 2 million. I keep getting, uh, I keep getting banned. My, I always get flagged for my content and banned. Can I ask you a real serious in the, I'm going through right now and I don't want to see the person's name and you're not going to, I don't know, forget it.

I don't want to hear about it. Well, give me a hint though. Say it. I know because I realized where I was. We can also, we can also bleep it. We can bleep it. I'm so stupid for even. Go.

I don't know what to do. What about her? Super aggressive. No, what I'm saying is this. Okay. Just hear me out. I'm hearing you out. So at the comedy store, right?

A couple of months ago, she had just come in and found people. I'm going up and she would do a long time. So I got to the point where I was just like, you know what? I don't want her to go up before me. I don't care. She's not going to bump me anymore.

Right. And I will not go up if she does that. And she did it to Andrew Santino a couple of times. Right. So they told her, they go, you can't bump. And just like to just like hates her because she does the same thing. Right.

So they just told her, you can't bump anymore. Just call in and we'll give you spots every night. Yeah. She did not. She does now. Right. And she would hang out there. And now she did at the point.

She won't even look at me or talk to me. Right. And she would just improv and try to do the same thing. And they said, no, you can't do this anymore. Right. And now she's at the lab factory doing it. Right. And she's burning all these bridges.

And she was, she thinks she's above calling in like, right. Like so much Sebastian and Ally Wong does. I think that those are two, you guys too. I mean, big comics that just call in their spots and they go up. What's the fucking big deal? Yeah. But she wants special treatment.

Well, you know that it's just something that's going on with that person has nothing to do. It's just about somebody that like, you know what I mean? Makes it. Yeah. Right. They get a good thing after struggling for years. I was there when she was struggling for years.

Maybe it's wanting more recognition. You know, Bobby wanting to be celebrated more. Do you want special treatment? No. No. Do you want to know something that I did? I did a show in New York. Yeah.

And it was in New York, people still mask up. Right. Like a lot. Once I went into the bar, like, You got a mask on? I did not. But almost everybody else did. And I was like, I'm not gay.

So I went up to the bar and the person that you are talking about. Yeah. Was next to me at the bar. Yeah. And gave me such a glowing compliment about my set that I was like, very flattered. And I was like, thank you so much. I said, I think you're amazing too.

And I think you've done like incredible things. And I think you're so funny. And they were like, really? I go, yeah. And I just, just went on and on. And then they took their mask off and it was not that person. No. Who was it?

I was fucking regular human stranger, a civilian. And I was like, that's just what happened to him last weekend. Don't bring that up again. At a party. Don't bring that. All right. Well, you can bring that up again. So I was there for the nightmare and it was so funny and sad at the same time.

All right. So we were at a, we can't say the name, but we were at a huge person's house for 4th of July. Yeah. Like, you know, like, A big time person. Bigger than Bert Kreischer. What?

Not even the same dimension. Like Bert's here. This person's here. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. A-lister. Super A-lister.

Can you say that? We'll tell you later. Okay. I'll tell you. Well, don't roll your wave through my eyes. I can tell you. I can tell you. You just bleep it.

It's unbelievable. Wow. So who's bigger? That person or Bert Kreischer? Be honest with me. That person. That person. All right.

I got a story about that person too. Oddly enough. Yeah. Yeah. So we're at that person's house. Yeah. And, you know, there's great things. You know, there's, you know, whenever you go to like somebody that's like big like that,

you just eat llamas. You hear me walking around and baby cows and the kind of food that you eat is like, oh, this is the greatest like food I've ever eaten. Anyway, and they had a bunch of musical people there, obviously. And I can say that, right? Yeah. And we're standing there and I see this lady walk up to me and she's just like, and I go, she thinks I'm a, she knows me.

I'm a comedian. And she walks in and she goes, yeah, my friends just tell me I don't do this enough. And I just, I'm just trying to, you know what I mean? Go outside my box and just say stuff that I have really feel. I go, yeah, yeah. And she goes, you know, like, you know, I had a song that you remixed and I want to say that she goes, I want to say, and I go, I, I, I, I, I, um, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I, I, I let Steve Ioki, right? Yeah. She goes, no, no, no. She had, no. Well, she, first she goes, she walks up to me. She, before she even says that, she goes, Hey, Steve, I go Bobby. She goes, Steve.

Right. And then she goes into that. So then I have to go, I just said, I'm not Steve Ioki and she didn't even believe me at first. She just kept going. Yes. So anyway, you mix the thing and I go, and then you had to jump in and go, oh, I took five steps back.

I did not want to be a part of that. Did you know who the person was? No, but she was, I could, I know that she was talented. Yeah. Right. And I go, no, seriously, I, you know, I, I get this all the time, which I don't. First of all, I don't look like Steve Ioki. Not even a little bit.

Not even a little bit. Right. But I had to make her feel because I could feel that she was embarrassed. But then you understand why I play these clips for you. Like. No, it's not even the same thing. The clips of that. Oh my God.

This guy is not even remotely. This guy is tall and thin and handsome and he's got full hair. Fuck you. You know what? I'll show you what I look like. Oh, that's how you look at the party. Yeah. And I had the beanie on, right?

Okay. So that makes a little more. Yeah. I was standing at the party like that. And you were sucking your cheeks in. Yeah. That makes more sense. Okay.

She walked up. Yeah. Hey, I give her a pass. No, I didn't give her a pass, but I did blush. I didn't really. I can't believe how long your hair is. Yeah. Yeah.

It's pretty long. Gorgeous. Thanks, man. Yeah. Yeah. So I had this hair. Yeah. But that's happened.

So same thing as the other thing. Yeah. At the bar, you know. Sure. How long does this go? We're going to wrap it up. How'd it go? I was fine.

This was so much fun. Yeah. A little hyperactive a little bit. This was great. This was absolutely great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, obviously watch and download Tiger Belly. And also. And Trash Tuesday. And Trash Tuesday. And join Bobby. What is it on Halo?

Or what are you playing these days? Just start a valley and then you can join me on that. Very good. I'm really doing your date. Because I have to lock it down tonight. Yeah. That date. You're locked in.

We have to tell production that I'm going to Canada. Okay. And then thank you so much for the opportunity. Yeah. I'm excited to hang out with you. I can't wait. Yeah. What?

And you're like. You're just so neurotic. Is it always like that in there? In my head? Yeah. You know your attitude, right? I think it's the whole look or whatever. But this is somebody I don't know.

I don't know you right now. Yeah. And I love you too. But I don't know you right now. And let's just. Tom. Yep. Canada baby.

Canada baby. Dog baby. Pussy restaurants. All right. We'll do it. Thank you guys for coming. I love you. Thank you.

Love you guys. Thanks for watching. Bye bye. There's got to be someone that knows. Got to be someone that I think. Got to be someone that I think. Got to be someone that I think. Got to be someone that I think.

Got to be someone that I think. Got to be someone that I think. Got to be someone that I think. Got it. We got to find out about that cock. That cock. That cock.