Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 669 - Johnny Pemberton - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: August 17, 2022

WE'RE BACK TONIGHT! YMH Live 8! With musical guest Danny Brown, special guest Tim Dillon and a TON of YMH Originals! Get your tickets at https://livestream.ymhstudios.com We got Johnny Pemberton entering the Mommy-dome with Tom Segura and blow up Christina P! Tom and Johnny trade early stand up stories, discuss Robert De Niro, and workout supplements! We talk about colitis, watch some horrible or hilarious clips, and an update on some cool guys! Tom teases about a fun project he filmed with Johnny, give some tax tips, and review some of their favorite shows on Netflix. https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinaponline.com/tour-dateshttps://store.ymhstudios.com/https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast

Tonight is the night. It is YMH live get your tickets right now live stream that YMH studios comm We got Danny Brown Tim Dillon incredible content We shot a super heavy segment and a whole lot more get your tickets right now You can watch for a whole week and a half you're tired. Yeah, I used to get that all No There go, you sure? Yeah, you sure a lot of people they are they don't know it Yeah, you know cuz you get really fast you might be from the north you from the north got kind of light eyes Yeah, northern Italian. No, they're Italian. These are smart ones. It's nice guy. He's northern Italian. Yeah, this guy's got the money

He took it off in the Sicilians. Yeah Yeah, welcome to your mom's house Welcome back to another episode of your mom's house as always my lovely co-host is with me Kristina P Hey, you look as beautiful as ever I'm looking forward to all your timing in this episode. All right It's a nice sweater. You're welcome All right, also

Coming back to the show We're always excited to see the very funny and the very talented Johnny Pemberton everybody. He's here. He's here. Hey, it's me Yeah, hey Tom girls for pussy. What's up Johnny? Great to be here. Yeah, that's like a steel wool sweater actually. Oh, yeah That's from one of her favorite designers. What's the name? What's that? Before I go any further I want to point out that you can see Johnny performing his solo show at the Elysian theater July 20th July 23rd, he'll be at Kroc the crocodile crocodile in Seattle and July 24th helium in Portland Those are that's exciting to be fun stuff. Hell. Yeah, very fun. Helium. That's a great club. It's great

I like it a lot. All those helium clubs are so good. They're well run. Well designed. Yeah, they look like clean and efficient and Yeah, they do a good job man. They like comedy. I feel like all those always people who work there who come in on their days off I can't imagine it's crazy going to work my day off Remember like when they started when helium was started and then I would I'd be working, you know other chains and sometimes you're like I feel like nobody here likes comedy Including the audience and then first time I did helium I think it might have it might have been like Buffalo and I was like not knowing what to expect and the shows were like fucking rock shows Yeah, they were amazing. They were great. They were great. They get excited. They get stoked. Yeah, I'm a big fan

Yeah, there's a lot I want to talk about with you, but man to start the show. I think it's always a little clip here we go But dating a woman with kids present several problems Let me explain How many of you guys have dated a woman with kids and realized you cannot go out with that woman whenever you want to go out because she Need a babysitter How many of you guys have been able to go out with a woman anytime you damn won't and she got kids because she don't care about A babysitter she'll even leave them kids at home while she go out to get her hat done and burn the house down and kill kids

I don't say no names, but it has happened Yeah, don't say names Don't bring anyone Oh That's the good part Yeah, welcome in gonna take a big old dump on Tom's head She burned on the house with the kids in it You know I'm saying

Yeah, man, it sucks when you're fucking dating a chick and then she burns the house down with her kids in it I hate that. It's happened to me so many times. I have to have had to stop dating them You know, yeah, you have to stop dating them when they burn the house down especially with the kids with the kids, man It's one thing if they just burn the house down But with the kids then it's like that's just a what you call it's a deal breaker It's a deal breaker and also like evil. I say you don't break up with her Mm-hmm. It's such like a mood killer to be out like the next time you're like just crying about it She's like, oh, we're out right now. You know this reminds me of is the last time we went out

And my kids died in the fire. Yeah, like You're like you should have a babysitter. She's like, you know, thought the dog would be fine. Yeah, she's three I thought she could do stuff by herself. You're like, yeah, I get it That's the old style the old-style babysitter is like in the like in the 20s, you know, yeah the five-year-old watching the baby Yeah, that really was that's so wild. Yeah, my parents did not leave us alone For I mean, I want to say we had babysitters Thru probably into I think my older sister had to be like in high school I had babysitters in 16 or something. Oh, well, I babysit as an older than me

They were younger than me younger than you not for me But for my little brother and sister, but I was around and like this is weird didn't like that the hell over you I don't know. I was probably like maybe 17 something like that baby said it was like 14 Definitely my age or younger. Yeah, and it was a girl, of course. Yeah, and you can't have a male watch anybody God, that's not weird. It is weird like even yeah, we got swimming lessons for the youngest our youngest kid and Christina was like, oh, I got Swimming teacher to come over and I go it's a girl, right? And she's like, yeah, obviously. Oh, yeah

Well, I had a male swimming instructor. Well, we just didn't want him to get a boner and try to touch that kid You know, I guess that's the case if you have him privately I have a group class. It's different because they're not gonna try anything. I remember in high school a Friends mother said she goes, you know, the daughter was getting tennis lessons. She goes and I noticed the The instructor had an erection. How do you do that? I don't know. I don't know. I was like come on She's like, I swear to go that was it, you know, but was how old was he teaching? Well, what kind of kids how old it was. He was giving a lesson to her daughter. I don't know how there's a daughter like Yeah, it doesn't matter. She would yeah, she would be topless. She had like a nice rack and okay

So it was like a private private club private like sexual club. I was like, oh, that's you're supposed to have an erection You know, but that's what he's paid for is not to have an erection to make it so it's a natural thing Just a natural letter to be free. Yeah, like naked yoga. Exactly. Yeah, where it's okay to get a boner naked yoga Is it? Yeah, I saw something about it. They said it's if you get a didn't say it's okay to get a boner But they're like whatever happens if he if we become aroused. It's ignore it Yeah, you just act like it's nothing because it's just the body. So bodies doing stuff you could go on there and just be full full Steam can you jack off? That's natural. I wonder if you could maybe if you were able to do with your legs

I feel able to like use your feet. Yeah, do it. I bet they would probably let it Yeah, it'd be nice God, I can't I mean wow I saw those Naked yoga, but it was just for men. I was like, this is just guys trying to fuck each other. That's all this is Yeah, that sounds like it's the gays are always sneaky. We're on to you. We know you're trying to fuck Well, they are the sneakiest always have been yeah Oh, this is just on we have a new kayaking group and like, okay, sure Then they pull the kayak up on shore and you guys but fuck we don't have this goes. Yeah

Kayaks So this guy by the way, I'm of a very big fan. I guess right here. Yeah, so his name is Tommy Sotomayor He's an American radio host internet talk show host He uses he does YouTube videos and he's a men's rights activist. Oh, there you go Every time I see his name, I see the word tits. It looks like his name is like tits mayor It should be the mayor of tits. Yeah, it does look like that This is a response to a previous video about the same topic where he received a lot of hate for it

So he's I guess doubling down but I love these personalities that do videos about You know what you should be looking for and and dating advice in general If you are a mother and I can get a hold of you at any time and see you in any time That's a problem if you are a mother and I can't get a hold of you and see you anytime that also is a problem I don't want to raise another man see Black men are the only men on the planet who are typically always raising somebody else's kid

Think about the lion kingdom and the lion kingdom if a lion comes into a pride and he sees that well the lioness has little cubs I'm gonna come in and get the lioness and guess what I'm gonna do with the lion the lion cubs Yeah, I'm an awful See a lion will go ahead and take care of him because he knows those are not his kids and they may grow up because of problem I hope you're suggesting to do the same with people Like how have the tracking shot nice and elegant very filmic Yeah, kids can grow up to be a problem, especially someone else's kids. That's yeah You gotta take care of them before they can take care of you. That's right. That's the key

That's true because once little Jimmy can pick up a hammer You can't go to sleep in that person's house. That's so true. Yeah, you got it. You got to stay on top of these things Yeah, I don't know. I mean he didn't actually say to do it But he was like that does make sense when a lion does it now. This is endorsed by Apple computers, right? That's what this is. I think this is Apple's official statement. Yeah, that children. Can we get a response from Apple on this? And then what happens? It's your job to straighten her up make her an honest woman as one woman who had kids said I'm so thankful for my husband because he took on my kids and made me an honest woman

Well, you was a liar before you met him. You was a cheat Explain this honest woman thing and I can't make you that I want a woman as honest when I first meet it Okay, fair enough. Where is this guy? I don't know It's like he's in like Chatsworth or something in the high desert up there. Is that a water slide? That's a water slide This looks like a house. It's not quite finished Like we're gonna We got a deal and he's like thrilled at the waterfall Oh, yeah, somebody couldn't convince him like hey man audio wise. It's not gonna be the best

He's like, I don't give a shit. It's a nice waterfall the production Information that I would give to my kid not information. I would give you whores You have to do whatever you want to do But I give good advice because it's good advice and the best way for us to start a black community a strong one It's for men to be with the women who they have kids by Am I with them? Nope. Is that the point? Yes. Look at me. I ain't shit either That's the point only dudes that ain't shit will sit around and sleep with women who got kids by other people What I don't follow any of this now any dudes who ain't shit would only I lost

That was like a logic problem. Yeah, but I actually say something. I really appreciate it. That was kind of fun Only how about me? Nope, but if only a dudes that ain't shit was sleep with someone who ain't got those what? This guy's from a different era. I Fucking love it. Mm-hmm. I really love how terrible that logo is in the bottom right, too That is such garbage and like to test so it just It's bad just so do one more here on maybe we could all just be more responsible without reproductive systems and say Unless I plan on being with him slash her I'll protect myself

Irresponsible a woman is because she got like 31 damn flavors of birth control Baskin Robbins is in this a lot of ways that a woman can get can stop having a baby Then even if they don't do that they can do stuff after us You have no excuse to have a baby by dude. You ain't with or don't plan on being with come on now This feels very open mic Like that joke the uh, the Baskin Robbins 31 flavors. Yeah, that's one that probably killed once But you know what this um gets keeper There's always those dudes at open mics who are like wildly confident and you're like god

Like how does he feel so good about this stuff? You can just tell he's so confident Now want to see how much hate I get on this and for any woman who has a problem with this idea of men Who don't have kids shouldn't they when I got them and I still don't want Anybody who has a problem with that Please give me a real good reason not because I'm black as hell and ashy and crispy not because I'm gay No, give me a good reason why you would encourage a man To date a woman who has kids by somebody else. All right. Thank you very much. Um Um

Confidence he's so confident. I saw a guy one time open mic in New Orleans. This is years ago We're shooting 21 Jump Street. This guy comes on You know, he's bombs like totally bombs But then he had he had an iPad early days of iPad and he said um, that's okay. I'm just gonna leave here with my iPad brand new iPad Fuck y'all. I'm leave got my iPad here. It's like he had the iPad. So Yeah, it doesn't matter if you guys ain't shit. I got an iPad Just carrying around and brought it onto the stage and even use it just had the iPad there

To talk about those are so those were could be so rough the uh, I actually I think I have a very low Um tolerance I had it too for like, you know, like hey, let's sit around and watch. Yeah bad shit I was like, I can't really do it man I never really did it because of that reason because I felt like it wasn't a good way to find out if something's funny Yeah, because if it does really well It's just it's not normal people laughing and if it doesn't it's also the same thing. I called it Doing only meaningful sets. I was like, is this is it meaningful meaning like if you go here

Are you getting truly something out of it? Because if it's like Fucking whack jobs, you're like this is a point. It's just the exercise of walking up there I guess some of this is nice to uh To watch people who are crazy. Yeah, that could be fun. But again like get your mic tech I also want them to be doing real short sets. Yeah, I don't want to watch that show for like eight minutes I want it to be two three three is the best three or four Yeah, that's true. So fucking insane So crazy, I forgot about some of those guys. They're just they're still out there probably all of them

Right all the guys who are super crazy. Yeah, my dudes The wildest ones would be I remember like doing just like some mics and some real entry level bringer shows and You'd see a guy and they're like, he's been doing this 15 years. Like he's been those 15 years. Yeah, and then Now he's doing it like 30 or something. He's still around. He's still doing it Sometimes it's the same set. You're like, oh, that's why this person is crazy. Remember that lady Francesca Hilton She used to hang out at the Conway store big lady big blonde lady, um

She's I don't know. She's alive anymore, but she claimed to be the other Aunt of this the Hilton sisters and she would do the same set when I first started I was doing weird little bringer shows in the belly room at the comedy store And she would go up. I go up, you know, three hours after everybody I'm sitting around like I just didn't know any better You know, yeah, but she would go up and she would do the same thing every time She would just talk about she was so crazy though. So what would she talk about? She would just talk about herself like I like so on the on the other Hilton sister on the the one who you know about and She was she had that kind of look in her eyes, you know the crazy look

Where you you're not really looking at somebody. Yeah that kind of thing and so She was interesting to watch but it was also felt like you were in like a weird David Lynch like fever dream because It's super late. You're in the belly room and feel this lady keeps saying the same thing over and over again I gave her the light and she just ignores it. That's good. Yeah Yeah She was funny

in a Observable way. Yeah, there was a there was a regular crew of crazies that you would see at a lot of those in LA if you were LA Same kind of wacky dudes. They come out just to hear themselves talk a lot of times. They have like a thing where Like the tires wire tires the price they are it's ridiculous. They just complain about something every week There was that italian duo of two guys. Oh wait. Yeah, uh Is it not jimmy and joey or something like that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, they're like those guys. Um the meatballs of comedy. Yeah

I the first character I ever did was a character based on those guys And I didn't know that one of those guys owned like That ip the meatballs of comedy and the jimmy and joey. So right There was like one of them would be it was like I I created this and he would like Swap out of joey. He's like just not working with you and he's serious. Yeah That's so funny. I didn't know that. Yeah, those guys. I forgot about those guys the meat the meatballs of comedy tour Yeah, they talk about doing cruise ships and stuff. Yeah, I fucking I just remember seeing them It's so is this still a thing? Are they white shoes? They were white shoes, right? I'm trying to remember. There he is, right?

So the guy yeah the guy on the right It was it's his thing and he would he would Try different people in the other role like his sportsman's lodge. I think they would do stuff with the sportsman's, right? Yes, those guys the meatballs of comedy tour I think I would say I was in meatballs. I would do this character where I'd go up and say I'm joey spilacone Part of the meatballs of comedy. Yeah, I would do like all these terrible cruise jokes and stuff like that Yep. Yeah, I mean you should see those guys everywhere, man. I'm surprised they didn't come try to kick my ass

Probably well, I didn't hear about it. So you don't own the ip. You know what that is It's scary. You claim to be the freaking meatballs of comedy here Get your balls get your meatballs out. We're gonna cut them off Cut those meatballs off a lot of attitude That's the thing you gotta have a lot of to you gotta have now you gotta go in there. You gotta tell me you gotta walk in there Okay, you're walking and be like, okay. I own this place. Okay. Yeah, I own the walk in there You don't you don't take no crap from nobody. There's number one number one. Don't take no crap Nobody number two you got to have white shoes white shoes are nice white shoes three sizes too big

Okay, you want that so it looks like you got a big old dingaling going on down there, you know Big old fucking white shoes. You gotta talk about how Italian you are. You gotta talk about mom I gotta go There's no better food than Italian food everywhere. I go I go everywhere They say to me joey the best foods Italian food. How do you do it? How did you guys do it? I tell you it's Italian secret if I told you I'd have to Kill you kill you the whole crowd a whole crowd have to kill you. All right. All right, this next guy. You're gonna love him

This next I come up. You're gonna love him. This guy is tom sagura. Yeah, he's a great guy You Italian? Yeah, I used to get that all the time No, all right. Ah There you go. You sure? Yeah You sure a lot of people they are they don't know it. They don't know it. Yeah, you know because you're getting really Plust you might be from the north. You're from the north. You got the kind of light eyes. Yeah Northern Italian. Northern Italian. These are the smart ones. Hey, it's next guy. He's northern Italian. Yeah, this guy's got the money He took it off from the Sicilians. You know what I'm saying? Yeah

That was fucking dudes God damn. I've thought about that forever Yeah, and then oh man Then there was people I remember the other guys who would just do sets hammered Hammered. Yeah, that was so they would go there You'd sign up. Everyone would be so nervous. You're just trying to do well. I was so nervous. I was so nervous too, man I mean, I would I would have that thing early on if we had A show tomorrow, right? And it was like it starts. Well, I'm saying like tonight

I'd be nervous and then tomorrow at like 5 a.m. I would shoot up out of bed Like feel panic. Oh, I didn't have that. Oh, yeah. I would feel real panic Yeah, I mean it faded like Yeah, as time goes on when you do And then I would book a weekend Opening at the in one of the improv's man. That would all day. I would just be like Kenny writing down the yeah, can he writing down the order of the set being like second to work and you know just trying to

Trying to get to that 20 minute mark and just oh my god I remember having the first time I was supposed to do a headlining set was a floor estate for this like alumni show That's right. It was me Like four other guys with Alan Havy included. This was a long time ago And uh, they're like everyone does 40 minutes And I thought this was normal and I'm you know trying to get I don't have 40 minutes, but I can I can stretch it Yeah, so I'm standing in the hotel over like the fucking washing machine for a couple hours Because you know what Brits in the room. I'm pacing around. I think I got it then we get to the venue

And Alan is like, oh, no, no, we're not. No, that's not how it's gonna work. Okay. You do 20 You do 15 and I'll do like 30 and they're like, okay, I'm sure Was that a huge relief then? Hey, I was incredible. Yeah, and he's totally right. They're not gonna have fucking four guys 40 minutes too much That's great. Yeah, I mean I though the time that I almost fucking shit was I got booked To be the warm-up audience warm-up Oh man

That last comic standing I think oh Okay, and this is one of this is like I could I wish I could bottle up this panic and sell it to people. Okay Just make deer run away and stuff like that. I'm I'm a couple years into stand-up. I'm like, um, I started listening. I'm three years in So I have I can do at this point because I'm working a bit I can do Like 20 of like A decent stuff, you know So I get there

And this is I forget if this was the first taping or not that part I don't remember it may have it may have been But I get out there and they're like, all right, um, just go out there and I'm like, okay How long are they like? I think we'll be ready in like 15 minutes. I'm like great. Perfect. So I go out there I run my set And you know, it goes fine like it gets laughs and then they're like ready to go. I'm like ready. Yep. They're like come on back start taping the show They're like cut they're like, all right

Can you go back out there? I'm like, sure like what do I need to do? They go, well, we need to reset the cameras. So something was like not aligned, right? Yeah So, you know, just go out there and um We'll be ready, you know when we're ready I go, well, how long you think it'll be and they're like probably like 40 minutes 40 minutes Yeah, and I'm like what what the fuck and I go a long time Well, what am I supposed to do for 40 minutes and the guy goes, hey, man, we I don't know We hired you. I don't know because I'm like a kid basically, you know, yeah, and I go, uh

So I start scrambling. I I like grab one of the producers. I go, hey, man I just did like Basically what I have, you know, I don't have 40 more minutes of stand-up. Right. What do you want me to do? He's like, well, I don't know. I go t-shirts. Yeah Do you have anything I can give away? I go about music. Can you play music? And they're like, yeah, we can do that. So then I do t-shirts And then I have a dance contest on stage. That's pretty good dance contest Yeah, and I bring up audience members and I make them dance and it was the only I mean

And but the panic I felt when I was going to go back out was Other level like I can't imagine 40. He's like do 40 more minutes. I'm like that doesn't exist, man I don't I don't want to do 40 minutes now. Yeah Yeah, I mean I was like first of all the only thing I have left is completely vulgar Because at the time they're like you have to work this clean, you know, you had this audience going it was terrifying Because that's all it was it was terrifying That sounds like the first time I ever did stand up the first time in LA I ever did stand up was doing warm-up for like a web talk show. Yeah, and I thought

It was it was a paid audience Because it was for this promotional thing, right? Yeah, I'm thinking oh, they're gonna be a paid audience Oh, that means they're gonna be extra good And it was so it was so incredibly it was such a hard incredible bomb I did like made not even 10 minutes probably like seven minutes of material I worked on a bunch I bombed so hard that no one will make eye contact with me the rest of the day. It was bad Oh, yeah, I told another comic about this like a much older guy that I did that he was like Are you kidding me? Why would you ever think you can do warm-up?

He worked for mad tv He was like we have people come out and do like prank phone calls and like shoot t-shirt cannons and stuff We don't have comedians. We have like psychos come around stuff So that made me feel better, but I was so terrible I bombed so hard at um, you remember Carson Palmer. He was the quarterback for the bangles He had a private event in orange. Oh, shit, and they go They like a few days before I get a call from the improv one of the people that works there was like Hey, you know, you're from Cincinnati and Carson Palmer's having this event in orange county

Um, they are interested in having you maybe host the event and I'm like, oh, okay They go they're gonna come out to the show tonight. So a couple of them Like his reps at the improv they came to the Irvine improv and they watched me and they were like, yeah, great Like because they just saw me at a stand-up show, right? So they go, yeah, the event's like, you know Friday and it's at this restaurant like a like a cool OC kind of swanky restaurant. I'm like, I'm like, okay I'm like, is there a stage like oh, yeah stage and

so I get there and There's like 200 and some people packed into this room bingles It's a lot of football players, but it's also just like people that You know kind of high like high well to do like front office front office money people And like like ritzy OC people And they're all just mingling. So like when you walk in the room, you're like, oh, there's a party Everyone's like all you can hear is like

The noise of a bunch of people talking I'm like, all right And we're just kind of waiting around waiting around and I plan out in my head what I'm gonna do So then I go, hey, uh, they go, you ready to do it? I go, yeah and I get ready to go up and I go, how are we um How are we gonna get them to like oh Can I stop talking? There's no mic. There's a mic. Okay. There's a mic

I go, how do we get them to stop talking? He goes, isn't that up to you? And I go, well, no, I'm gonna perform but like They're all just mingling mingling And the guy's like he's basically like, I don't know man So I'm like, all right So the guy in like the booth goes give it up for your host When I'm not exaggerating when I tell you Nobody stopped talking like no nobody and I actually

Thought when I got up there, I was like, oh, this will just like take a minute like yeah as they figure it out nothing To the point where at one point I go I'm like, hey guys, are you serious right now? Like I was actually like yeah kind of like upset. I was like guys This has started Hello, it's like doing a bar show or something. Dude. It was wild and finally there was like three people here That were like standing looking at and one was a kid

So I started to perform to them Yeah, and then I told the kid that I was Brett farve and he was like, oh really like he had no idea what was going on Um, but I remember getting off. Oh, then like I go, how long did you do? I had to I had to have gone short. Yeah, but Probably like around 15 So that's the kind of thing where you got to send in a drunk Yeah, you know someone's drunk uncle who like me gets everyone's name in 10 minutes. Yeah, that's what they need It's like a it was such a disaster and the funny thing was I go, all right. Um, well, thanks for not listening

You guys are terrible. I got I said all that stuff and I go let's um, let's bring up karson and As he walked to the stage everybody shut up and just turned and look at the stage and I was like, are you fucking serious? And then he went up there and said just like thanks for coming out to my event. Yeah Um, before I went on stage. This is the part I left out before I went on stage one of his reps was like Hey, um, you know, thanks for doing this. Um karson

wants to uh Invite you to play golf in the uh golf outing tomorrow too And I go, oh really and he goes well unless something fucking horribly wrong happens And I was like, uh, all right. She didn't go golfing next day. I didn't go golfing the next day. Yeah They didn't nobody hit me up about it. It was such it was such a bomb It was a real fucking bomb. You know calling Quinn's story about doing uh, I guess deniro's birthday party I think I heard oh that is so good Because it's calling Quinn too and it's he wasn't like a young guy. No, he was a veteran and

That's the kind of stuff. I don't know if I could ever do a private function unless they were to say Hey, just do whatever you want and I would come in there like light some fucking fireworks off. Yeah, like act like a psychopath and then maybe I don't know not talk and then you heard that like robin williams part of it No Of the calling Quinn story of the calling Quinn story calling Quinn is doing is doing uh, stand-up right deniro's thing and Bombing right it's bombing front of deniro

front of deniro and all the guests and robin williams one of the guests And robin's at the time wife is like get up there. Go help him I don't remember that part and he can he's she's like go and he's like no no no So so like in front he's seeing robin williams wife be like go help him. He's dying up there Oh, I don't know. Hmm. Huh. Hmm. Go on. Huh. Yeah, my name can give me a kiss God deniro too is like gonna show no emotion. I mean, I wouldn't want to even look at him Yeah, can you imagine like going in an elevator? He's just like Like oh no next take stairs. Take stairs mr. Nero

Do you remember the very first episode of jimmy fallon hosting the tonight show? No, was he the guest? He was the guest. Was he just giving him nothing? It was horrific Oh, god, and then you had to go like yeah, but why would you do this to hit to jimmy? Yeah, like it's his first night and he's like you are such a great actor and he's like And you know he's just trying like he's trying to like trying to get something going. Yeah, and it's it's it's so bad I don't know. I haven't seen that. That's weird. I remember it. I haven't seen it in forever I just remember I remember at the time being like, oh my god. This is so painful Deniro and like they clearly were like well book a huge name. Yeah first night

And it was just should have looked like what's his name the guy The weirdo guy that whatever he used to have it all the time actor Crispin Glover Oh, yeah, Crispin Glover honored some shit. Yeah, he'll be all fucking Weird as shit. Yeah, just keyed up and doing some high kicks. Yeah, dude. I gotta get some cratum going today Um, have you taken that yet? I have taken it. What do you think? I don't love it. Um, I don't know. I find it when I take it. It makes me sleep so hard What do you mean right away? No, no, it's not right away like later. Isn't that good? No, because I don't want to sleep like so hard that when I wake up

I feel like I'm just woke up after flying to France or something You know what I mean describing a fucking perfect night to me really you like waking up where You feel like you're jet lagged or something. No, no, I guess it doesn't have that effect on me I just take it for just before workouts. Okay, you do like how much though a vial Oh god, what does that mean a vial like how much is that? A fucking vial think of the amount it looks kind of like this like the Like this size you take it every time. No, not every time. How do you decide when to take it? I just feel like getting geeked out today and so you feel like getting some extra set in you know

Extra pump going there with like a little juice. Yeah, okay. Ah, so you have like what a half hour before Uh, that's about right something I don't take like that the workout supplements the stuff. It's like white flood, you know Or the stuff. It's like deer ant like deer face It's got like the fucking deer. It's like bleeding on the front 10 point buck 10 point buck make your fucking sack ripped. Yeah I don't know man. I uh, how did you even learn to take that stuff? I just met a guy He met a guy what by a bridge. Yeah. Hey man, I'm ripped. I don't have a home, but I'm ripped You're not that far off. No, he uh, he has a home. Um Yeah, no, I just I tried it and I was like, okay, and I had a great workout on it. So it's a painkiller essentially

I don't know what it is. It's a painkiller because I know that it's definitely a painkiller And it's it's what people take who are trying to stop taking oxy. Oh really? Yeah, if you can't have access to regular withdrawal meds, you take Uh, it isn't just a Tylenol. It just fucks me up too much to take it regularly to oh, it has opioid properties Yeah, stimulant like effect. That's what I'm talking about. Here's the thing. You know what? I really like it I just feel so confident on it. Um I just walk around that I'm like around the gym Yeah, well, I guess if it works if it doesn't make you tired then no, I didn't really notice that

Yeah, I I mean I've I've got a bunch of addictive. It is addictive, right? Isn't everything though kind of Maybe it's not metabolically addictive Or it doesn't make you like crash like hard But it probably changes something Definitely doesn't taste good Oh, it's not supposed bitter. I mean, it's like I think it's good when stuff doesn't taste bad tastes good You know because that way it's like like did you like the taste of red bull?

It's kind of medicinal taste. I kind of love the taste of red really I I only drank that for you Can I tell you what I I also had for the very What does it say here? Um It's creative addictive It's just from the kratom.com site. No by kratom. It's creative addictive. Well, not really transition may develop In as little as six months Oh causing some some comparable to opioid withdrawal

Comparable just comparable. No worry about it. It just got me if you're comparing You could compare if you want to we don't compare it At buy kratom.com. We don't compare it to that We say that it's sort of like imagine if you were to eat a bunch of food then stop eating food Wait scroll scroll down scroll down scroll down down down down other way Uh, make it big again And scroll a little more Uh

Pause that's a cute word for post to cute withdrawal syndrome Oh, he has pause anxiety depression insomnia experience Those are withdrawal symptoms for everything. Yeah, that's true for any kind of drug That's the same thing irritability insomnia. Yeah, it's that anxiety and it's like it's not I'm doing eight vials a day It's not that crazy eight a day What how many a week you think Twice three times Probably like two or three times. Yeah, okay. Maybe I'll try it actually dude

I got the plug if you want the good stuff. I got the plug. Yeah Maybe like a website or like a guy See You shouldn't not be getting it from a guy You should get it from try this shit guy with a website. This guy's a site Does it give you diarrhea? No Not at all No diarrhea. What about if you have like a green juice? Do you get like, you know

Not diarrhea, but you have like loose bowels. I believe the word I always look out for and anything is um Detox Oh detox is a code for diarrhea. I've really been In this last year. It took me about 43 years to go like I should figure out what's going on What do you mean by digestive system? I'm going on. Well, I mean like about like what like what I should avoid what irritates me and actually Following this stuff. What did you figure out irritates egg yolks egg yolks? Yeah, yeah

You know, I try to like I try to stick to the things now that don't give me any irritation at all So, you know, like egg whites are fine for me. It seems like I do yogurts in the morning Yeah, yogurts big because you got the probiotics. Yeah Yeah, I do blueberries or strawberries. You can't go wrong blueberries. Fantastic. I think blueberries are the only food It's part of every single diet Really? It's almost no diet. It's like, oh, you can't eat blueberries. That's true. It's like, oh, why? It's like, oh, they have Um, too much. Look, they're too low in sugar They have too much pectin. Yeah

You must avoid all kinds of stuff. I avoid all kinds of stuff But also a lot of times I'm just like, well, I'm gonna feel bad later. You do do that Yeah, because sometimes, uh, you've ever had hot wings Sure, when you have them it's a thing where these are just really good They're worth the pain later later for the pleasure now You do you have that once in a while I have hot wings and beer And if I stack it with some pretzels front and back, you know, if I bookend it with something fibrous Yeah, I can kind of be okay. What's the thing that you stay away from for the longest until you finally go? All right, like

I'll um, I'll deal. I'll try probably Well, um, I pretty much don't eat any raw onions or raw Raw onions big time. I don't eat any like raw tons of raw broccoli. Yeah, but those aren't like fun Is there something that you're like, this is actually not something I want to have I mean onions taste good. Yeah, that's true Uh, this look for me It's like my brain has changed the stuff that tastes It doesn't even taste good to me anymore because I'm thinking about the ramification so much

So the only thing I think about are the exceptions hot wings I guess eating a lot of one time I ate like five bagels in one day five bagels. Yeah in the pandemic They're really good bagels. So fucking good. I ate five of them with with uh, Something I did everything. I ate one in the car on the way home I ate cream cheese cream cheese cream cheese makes me shit like crazy. It does. You know what I eat It's bad is uh, locks and cream cheese. Oh, yeah, come on. What but that shouldn't give you diarrhea, but it gives me every time I remember going to like god

I think I was in boston and there was a place across the street from when I was working there and like in the summer after I graduated college And you know just being I hadn't lived in a city And you walk into like one of these delis And having like the bagel toasts of cream cheese and and then they'd put egg and bacon on it too and you're like Man, it's like so high fat and rich. Yeah, you wouldn't you wouldn't want to eat for like 12 hours after it You know, I think it's the fat for me that kicks my ass. Yeah, like if I go to like a barbecue place and have like a A beef rib. Oh man. How about high sugar? Does that do anything to you? Sugar is uh, I'm better with it

I think that's because I'm just so active. I burn it off. Yeah, but the high fat It's bad. Yeah Yeah, that makes you hurt Now your uh, your solo show is going to have a bunch of stories about Yeah, your bowels, right? It's actually called minnesota reggae colostomy bag. That's what it's called. Yeah, it's named the show It's a it's a weird title, but it's kind of what I talk about for the most part Uh, because I grew up minnesota and that's where I started having colitis. I got diagnosed at age 10 That's so young. I know I just learned that recently actually that's very young

That's that's very young to get it. I think I've ever heard of uh Colitis no, I guess I'd never never heard it even referenced for a child I think it's pretty rare I guess to have all sort of colitis when you're that young but I talk about Getting it and like all the stuff that happens and like the treatments and stuff and just um Obviously having a colostomy bag for had it for a period of time just for Think about 10 weeks. Yeah, but that's so scary. Oh my god It's the it's the kind of thing where the older I get I'm like, oh my god

That I'm so lucky not to have that anymore. Yeah, and When you had it I met this is a guess, right? I bet you're eating way less than you normally did right opposite actually Eating more. Yeah, because I you get the colostomy bag. There's two surgeries, right? Your colon removed at least for me. There's two surgeries the first surgery You are squeamishing out right now a little bit. Wow. That's cool. Yeah first surgery they take your colon out completely and they um Uh, that's when they have the colostomy because you have it rerouted, you know And they have to they set something up inside of you called the j-pouch, which is basically

Creating like a new rectum of sorts not an anus or rectum Which rectums like sort of like the loading dock for your shit in a way Yeah, and that has to heal up before the shit can pass through it So the that's why you have the colostomy bag for about 10 weeks or so while it heals up So it reroutes the shit and you have it coming out And uh, the thing is after that first surgery obviously the surgery is gnarly as hell And I was in a lot of pain and it was something where I mean, you can't be prepared for that kind of pain. You just don't know how are you

I was 18 Fucking so young But it's better to do it young because your body's you know, so resilient. Yeah, that's why they that's why I did it then because The younger you are Did they say you didn't have to like you could do this later? Well, it's definitely elective but their whole thing was that first you're in college and um, a lot of people don't realize this but You don't have to go to college. I mean you can like miss a semester and nothing happens How much did you miss I miss a semester? Yeah

And uh, so that's a big thing because it's hard as an adult to schedule anything for Like you'd have to take two months off. How do you do that? Yeah That that's a factor and also the resiliency of the the younger you are the quicker you bounce back from a surgery So that was part of the thing too. Yeah Have it done then and when you had your colon taken out because my colon was so you know, it's sick It's it's disease. Yeah, and um, it brings down the rest of the body. So that's why you that's why colitis becomes such a Or any kind of digestive disease becomes bad because it's not just the doesn't just affect your Digestion effects. It has a systemic effect on the rest of the body

Due to just general inflammation. Yeah, so it makes you tired. It makes you absorb minerals last all kinds of stuff So when you get it out And once you recover from the surgery once I went home from the hospital, I felt a lot better even though I have a Fucking bag of shit taped to my stomach. Yeah, I actually was eating a lot more And I was hungrier than I normally would be because uh, you don't have this thing inside of you That's causing so many problems. Wow. Yeah, so it's it's weird to be Just sitting there chowing down watching tv What that cost me back? I mean

Yeah, the fact that you went through that so young too. It's like I don't know. I think I think it terrifies most people. I think it does But I really think it's a product of when you're young enough. You just don't know what you don't know and also I think with most medical stuff It affects people's family a lot more than the person you think so. Yeah, because You see someone suffering or supposedly suffering. You can't do anything for them So you feel you feel you have this guilt or whatever it is

But if it's me, I have an active involvement in it So I can sure I feel bad, but I'm not dying and you're getting better every day But your family it weighed on your family. I think probably yeah, I think parents probably the most yeah for sure But it was something where Yeah, I mean, I didn't feel terrible about or anything. I Had a little button I could push to help me feel a lot better. Yeah, so that's that's kind of nice Let's get that cratum dog. That's what yeah, there was 100% legitimate hospital cratum piping in fucking so good It's probably what ends up making you do this

Oh Oh my god, yeah, yes, dude Man at first I thought that guy was dead That seems like a street performer It kind of does the way he did the movements. Yeah If you're listening there was a guy asleep on a park bench And another guy approached him with a cane and just tapped him and he didn't move for like four seconds

And then he just did this like you said almost like Almost like dance movement thing kind of like one of those knockdown windy car. Yeah guys. Yeah. Yeah He just he's on break from his clown class. Yeah Pretty cool. I wouldn't mind doing that No, I mean I would like to be able to do stuff like that to be on go in public and act like a An idiot like that. Yeah I could see you embracing a character like that. Oh, yeah I really love that kind of stuff

There you go, but you kind of I can't do it so much sometimes because when you get recognized and it's like Oh I mean you feel like a real fool. Do you get recognized a lot for Like in the trucks and everything I get recognized mostly for superstore. Yeah It's weird kind of comes and goes when I was in Philadelphia a few weeks ago. Oh my god It was it was weird how many people just everywhere every single place I would go to Well, maybe the show's like particularly popular. I don't know why it was I get uncomfortable though because it feels like I just had I just for the first time

Had to go a recognized thing go like this. So I'm in New York I'm in a store and I see a guy go Like, you know the face of like, oh, yeah, and I I read right away. Yeah, right away. I'm like, uh, that guy's gonna say something to me Yeah, so I keep walking over here and of course he goes like out of his way But where are you gonna store a store in New York? We'll kind of store the container store like a department store department store like Macy's something like that and he um He walks around he goes, hey Are you the guy because I thought he was gonna be like I know you yeah

He goes, are you the guy that broke his arm dunking? and I go Yeah And then he goes, why did you do that? And I go, why did I break my arm? He goes. Yeah, I go because I fell on it He's like dude It's fucking crazy. I'm like This is a very New York way of was like a New York guy. Yeah. It was like, hey, are you Italian?

Basically, yeah, you Italian, right? Right. Why'd you break your arm fucking stupid? So he's like come over here. I got no no no no no no That's such a New York guy. I love that. He's like get over here. I got no no no no no I gotta go this way. He goes you're going the wrong way the escalators over here. I go. Oh, okay I I gotta go man I do like those New York guys like that the guys who are like They'll talk to the president the same as they talked like a kindergartner. Yeah, it's like, hey, hey, you like the beach boys

Yeah, yeah, listen to this. Yeah to the press listen to that It's true 9 11. God damn. Yeah That was rough. I was so crazy surfs up They are the most just like regular dudes. Yeah Yeah, well the guys I had one guy this is years ago the first time I was in New York I asked that guy for directions and he starts another guy overhears him. They start arguing Yeah, about the directions on my behalf That's looks like the greatest it's like a gift

Yeah, just to see those guys Like you guys aren't this isn't like a improv everywhere thing. You guys aren't cartoons in life The New York I always we talk about it like why that personality is like so I I think it's because You're constantly around people. Yeah, you have to be honest all the time. Yeah, because you can't yeah, you just can't isolate really Right, that makes sense. Yeah. Oh my god. Are we boring you you're gonna Hey, sweetheart sit up. Hey sweetheart. Come on. Take the L train. All right Oh my god, you fault sweetheart you fall asleep on the train. Okay. What's your stop?

Sweetheart sweetheart. Okay, sweetheart There you go. Do you need a ride? At least get on mic Do you need a ride sweetheart? Come on, baby. Hey girl. Hey girl Hey Hey, hey girl. You need I'm sorry about these gentlemen, but you need someone to take you home and have sex with you It could be me I'm sorry about the I'm so sorry about these men harassing you if you want I can harass you

That is that is exactly what that is Let let me stop these men and be the guy. These guys are fucking animals I'm sorry about these animals. Uh, would you like a gentleman to uh put on a condom and treat you correctly? I'll go deep don't worry You seeing this right here? I'm about to Oh, I don't like this already really Fucking shit What is this? I got

Uh, guess what? I'm okay now Now the uh That level of panic. He's like just let me find him. He's alive. Yeah, he's alive. Yeah But it could have been very not alive. I'm guessing. What is that? I think uh, so It looks like it's some type of machine that sucks in I don't know if that's like a whole being or Or paper or something, but I imagine what it does is compresses and or shreds it, you know

Something like that And his leg got tangled in a bunch of it and he got pulled into the machine and then it was just like oh, he's gone But the guy that's out of frame clearly turned it off, you know, so Hey, this is all about teamwork. And that's why we're showing you this video right now This is why the markup is so good. Yeah I'm whatever product they have man the markup. He is his heart rate probably like 190 right now God So fucking heartbreaking that shit scares me so much. It's fucking terrifying getting sucked into a thing

Oh, dude, how did he not pass? Oh You know that's suburb of chicago or something like that Uh, you that was so loud Oh, so he's on a A scooter. Was that a scooter or what do you call it? Yeah And uh, you're trying to do like a little trick like off a ledge Landed and then just fell onto his face. That was his that's his teeth hitting the concrete, you know

Like that's that sound Oh I'm the best the age age comes out right away. Yeah. Yeah, that is someone who's about to go Yep, it sure is. Let's see I don't think dad's around in this case I think dad's so this guy ended up, uh, he passed out broke his tooth and got a hole in his lip Okay. Yeah, still funny still funny, but Pretty good one. I never had anything like that happen to me. Thank fucking god

Uh, oh man Let's see. Oh, this might be gnarly. I don't know if this can be That hurt that probably hurt what hit I think it was just his legs, right? Seems like it was very close to being really fucking bad. Yeah. Yeah. It was like it's one of those massive It's a scissor lift, right? Or what do you call it a cherry picker? It's just like one of those huge trampolines, you know, and he's flying up like 30 feet in the air. It looks like that's kind of tramp You can't buy in America. Yeah, you cannot and then

Oh, that's not so bad not so bad at all, but that's like tailbone, right? But imagine if his head went through there. Oh, yeah, and then that's it next thing you know, body comes down. Yeah And then it goes back up again It would go right back up and just spraying everywhere Not just yeah, a bunch of blood everywhere. Oh, that would have been a good shot too. God damn I heard some ER doctors say that There's like the three three things he just finished his ER rotation. Yeah, so the three things he will not be doing anymore in life is um

Using a trampoline and now he's a trampoline ever again. Yep Never honk at someone. Yep on the road and he said what's the most obvious thing some shit about God, it's the most obvious one. It's something that no one does I forgot I'll remember Maybe it's being in a redneck. No Honking honking can lead to yeah, because like people get in the You know, why you why you lost your leg? Oh, it's because I honked at some psycho who decided to

Follow me for two hours. Yeah, and try to kill me. It's so crazy too that um Honking is so normal in so many cities and parts of the world Yeah, it's just like a part of everything and it's a thing in the states. It is different here I don't know. It's really sure you can only give like a dunk, but if you go like honked somebody. They're just like Oh Yeah, it's time to kill someone. I heard like Chicago is a really super honky Like people don't give a shit about honking there. New york New york honking all the time all time. Yeah, people don't honk here that much. No

I've seen I've dude. I made a A I was turning left from laurel canyon onto magnolia in the valley right and not well, okay, there's a There's a guy in a convertible in front of me A heavy set dude in a small convertible in front of him Is a car but not particularly memorable But like there's two people in there the guys in the intersection

The big guy in the convertible honks like go right like there's is it like a yellow light or just I think it was still green Yeah, and he's like go When The car in front the car that got honked at turns he pulls over And he lets that convertible pass him And that convertible turns into the first parking lot Which I also turned into because I happened to be going to the same place, which is the bank and

So I pull in and I see I see it all happening like I see the story playing out so I park I get out and I just notice what I had seen And then the big guy has parked and then that car comes behind and parks next to him And then the guy gets out. It's this big black dude His lady is the passenger and she's just sitting there like And he goes

The fuck do you honk at me for? And the guy's like what and you can tell now. He's like like kind of like what you're saying. He's like Um, well, he goes and he doesn't really say anything Oh, and then that guy that makes it worse. I think comes around to the driver's side stands over him He's like, yeah, you honk at me because you're a miserable fat fuck I'll beat your fucking ass like that and I was like You know, it's just and I'm just like at the ATM like Like

Show. Yeah, this is a real show. Yeah and that guy The big dude just sat in that car. He didn't he didn't get out Waited and eventually the other dude got his car and left And you know that guy's heart was just yeah, I mean pounding compounding I have a new technique if that ever happens to me Which is new technique if somehow ever fuck up and honk or whatever

Someone tries to confront me because of a road rage incident. Yeah I when they come around to talk to me Um, if everybody try to talk to me. I'm like, oh, hey, how are you? Oh, hey, that's car. That's a great car. You got god. I can't figure out how to drive I'm just trying to get over is it is mcdonald's over here or something I just want I'm so god dang hungry. Yeah Oh I was me. Oh crap. I hit it when my elbow was trying to get a tape out of the back seat. All right, man

The whole thing can't ask you a question. So look at this. I got this paper printed out, but you can't what number is this? Is this a nine? Just do that. Yeah, and it goes from rage to mercy. I know this guy's fucking This guy needs some help a lot of help not a little bit a whole lot. I think it would work though. Yeah, probably would It'd be fun to find out to test it um You Describe this this is a uh, this is a level up of a barber clip. It's got a it's a woman

I think it's a hope it's a woman with a trimmer taped to her Leg and she's doing a guy's she's taping up a guy's sideburns He's got a hole on that side now Man How did he stay so serious that he's that's what he gets paid for and then does he have himself on his shirt?

I just noticed that There's something about that the only some people do There's something about the name on your this self on your shirt, which is like Wow, yeah This barbership man. It's out of control There's some stuff I see on instagram and tiktok where it's unnatural the amount of barbering they're doing Yeah It's like it comes down to like uh

That they're using like tape and all kinds of shit It's it's really crazy and this dude is like this is some serious shit right here you know Like that stare Is like this is not a joke. This is real. This is real life. This is fucking real and if you come to my barber shop This will be your life, you know, that's what this really is. He should launch and do a commercial right now. Hi. Yeah I'm jimmy jason. This is this is butt cut This is but you come on a butt cut barbers. It's just fresh clean fucking holes

I washed a freshly washed ass a freshly washed ass the cleanest ass in america will trim you up Get you looking fresh tight clean Did you ever see um Uh, what's it called horn batman. Yeah Actually, I haven't seen the new one all the way through but yeah, did you ever see machines within? What? the song

the song I'm trying to see my song trying to see my song Um, okay. Here we go. Here we go. I haven't seen it. I'm another beat down for you. I try to practice Practice my song. This is my introduction to my song Coming at you. Here we go. I'll sing it Machines within machines within they got a gun and got a gun. Yeah, I got a gun terminator gun Yeah, machines within machines within t16 t16 t16 100 t16 machines within machines within Trying to rig my rap trying to make my rap trying to practice on my flow trying to practice on my flow

Machines within machines within machines within On the street. I don't care for f F the haters Much love. No hate machines within you get it. Oh This is the kind of guy you could uh practice some magic tricks on He's got two hats on what is that second hat? Yeah Machines within machines within it's really it's a machine. It's gonna go Do you have any of the songs that they made from that?

People made songs with that. Yeah, because we realized all he needed was the producer. Oh, yeah, call out to Beat makers No We don't have the server here. Yeah, but what about youtube? Yeah, we'll look for it Yeah, so yeah machines within so we said like hey, do you want to um, you reached out? Well, no, well we did actually we contacted him. Did he reply? He did reply. Okay. Um, he was into it. I will say. Um Did you find uh, yeah machines within this is our highlight showing off some of the remixes back in the day

Oh, yeah, so maybe we can hear some of them here. Is this the only uh Version of his machines with energy have like although well, this is like this is the bones of it and then the people started to Take the audio and remix songs, you know, but he hasn't practiced and done a better version of it like a few more lyrics I don't think he well. He has new songs. Okay, so that's what I've actually asked before. Yeah, he does have new songs. Um Maybe we can machines with the stuff in the shower. I always thinking a real produce. Okay, really do. Yeah, see some of them This is like Yeah, yeah, this is dark

Yeah, I want to do a version of this So you can take this to make this a refrain and do a verse over top of it. Yeah It's a different approach. Got a bunch of machines inside. Yeah I got a bunch of machines inside. Look back because I'm never gonna die Got a big old terminator gun. No fun. Watch out spray you with a bunch of cum Stop by if you want to die Come to me with a terminate. Yeah, just send me that beat and I'll I'll send I'll send you something back. It's slick I think we know one of the next moves here. Um

Yeah, so he's one of the he just uh, he just dropped a new one on us. Um Here we go Blah blah blah blip dee blip dee blah blah blah blip dee blip dee blah blah blah Yeah, yeah, yeah What's up everyone in the dark the blah blah blah blah blah blah blah I'm that vampire one. I'm the lonesome one. You got that go shop. You got that go shop So he really believes in like simple lyrics You know, yeah, he believes in it. Yeah, he's it's something he believes in it's part of his uh part of his style

Yeah, it's it's a choice and then he's like it's a choice and then it's like hey, let me layer this later So that's kind of what's happening there. I don't know if I would have the tv at full volume in the background if I was laying my lyrics down But it is a choice. I don't know about having that Tit light in the back whatever that piece. It's like a breast on the wall. What is that? I've been practicing on my music but I practice on my music blah blah blah This is the kind of thing where I feel like there's an older woman on the phone the background She's like Jeff be I'm on the stop it be quiet. He's doing his blah blah keep it down. I'm on the phone Go practice your song in the garage

Yeah, yeah go to subway and practice your grow your rap. Yeah, he actually we we partnered with him actually on a Shirt you did. Yeah, he was a partner. That's where to go I haven't caught up with a lot of your people. Yeah, well, this was his originally appeared a while back Yeah, you gotta have what is that and say it's ICP or is that yeah, it's not crow not the crow I think it's ICP because he's a big ICP guy. Yeah, what is the definitive difference between the crow and ICP then? It is I want to know this seems like a co-lab, you know co-ex ICP That's true Yeah, seems like a bit of a co-lab mm-hmm

Let's see I mean Because he's got the mouth thing like the crow right the eyes are kind of there. That's what's his name Brandon Lee Brandon Lee. Yeah Yeah, was that a good movie I think it's yeah, it's beyond good or bad, right? Yeah, just you have to be like it's a movie Juggalo hmm Yeah, it is kind of a Mashup of the two you have a really good see I for that you can't get stuff by me I know no I tried to get machines with in guy by you and no I was like I called that out

He did call it out. I was quick to recognize. Oh, I don't think this is ICP makeup I believe this is a different subgenre Tom. Yeah, it is Tom. I believe this is an older reference Fuck I think you're right It's from my buddy is an ICP fan. We've confirmed that for sure So maybe he's both fans of both big surprise Big makeup guy hatchet guy tattoo. Oh, yeah Your tattoos I have one tattoo one. Yeah, what is it? It's hatchet guy School yeah, yeah, oh, I don't have any tattoos. No

I don't know and I've gotten to middle-aged now where I'm like, what if I I've had those days where I'm like, yeah, maybe I get You know why'd you do do a second vial of cratum and go in there get in dude if I went in there on cratum I would leave with more than one. I'll tell you that right now. I thought about honestly. I thought about getting a kiss on my neck Really? Yeah Could you imagine if I walked in here with a kiss on my neck? How big you know so you can see it. Yeah Right there I would get I would get in fights that that's heartthrob stuff for sure I think that I would have like guys want to fight me. Maybe I don't know and people would definitely make comments

What would they say the fuck's that all about And I would say would you say yeah, and that smile right there. It's kind of scary What'd you say? I didn't hear you say it again But you got my girl looking at your neck like that. Oh, what? Would you say? Nothing. Hey, don't worry. I won't hurt you. Oh, that's a good one Hey, I'm not following you. I'm just going the same way And by the way and you can go like

I'll be out of here in a few you just throw him the neck. I'll be out here. I'll be out here real quick I'll be out here right quick now I was thinking about doing the full arm sleeve, you know. Oh really no the sleeve Please not working anymore. There's the now they offer actual dissolvable tattoos What do you mean dissolvable? They they they dissolve on their own because of the type of ink they use So you get a per it's it looks like you know It's not gonna come off in the shower, but it'll dissolve like over a year. Oh my god really So it's like a it's an extended temporary

Damn, I kind of like that idea because that way you can try it on there's also the the white ones where it looks like You know, but it doesn't look good on white dudes. Yeah, I think it looks like it's nothing there You can't see anything. Well, it's like a hidden. It's like a secret. Yeah I did this character on a TV show a couple years ago named Lil Pouty. There we go Yeah, it is just like that's like that's like a chick goth stuff right kind of like it's not even goth That's like next level How to upgrade your Coachella look You know what I mean? It's like just expensive

Bullshit. Yeah. Oh That's true that snake looks pretty cool. Look I said it looks pretty cool. It does yeah That looks kind of gross in a weird way. It looks like I have this weird scar. I have yeah That's also like a darker hand, right? Am I seeing this wrong? It looks raised doesn't look raised. It does. Yeah Yeah, it is Yeah, I had a bunch of face tats on and neck tats because they take so long to come off Yeah, so they were shooting over a couple of days to keep them on

I was out in the world looking like me, but I had the tats. Yeah Get a lot of attention. You do. Yeah, what happened like just like attention like People want to talk to you really like Ladies who work at security like You know ladies who work it's like the when you check in the gate. Yeah, they're like really nice to you. Oh really? Yeah, they're like this person is volatile. Yeah. Yeah, they're into you. Well, yeah I mean the volatile is the right word for lots of tats on that face and neck for sure this person Doesn't give a fuck to a degree they want in that or it's like a thing

Also, I feel like it's a it shows you're just you're into that lifestyle. You're so committed That that's what you do. Sure. That seems to me why people get him not why but like why it works Why rappers get him cuz then it's well can't do anything else now. Yeah. Yeah, I'm committed. Wait, what's yours? Do you mind saying it or is it a little crawfish here? You do? Okay, I got a crawfish by the way I have not I've only given kind of a brief Overview of not sharing details, but like hinted at the fact that I shot a project Yeah, own

project that I wrote and Produced and was into and I said I brought in Amazing talent on it and you're one of the people that I don't think I've announced it yet Why don't you move when I said that? Why is she moving? Should have settled in by now She farting over there Come on sit up straight Sweetheart is this your stop?

Hey, sweetheart. Are you going to Brooklyn? You probably go she's probably gonna Brooklyn Probably gonna Brooklyn probably gonna Brooklyn Kuka. You want to get off at Morgan Avenue? Okay. There's a great pizza place there Tell him Jimmy told you to stop by Not Joey not Joey. Okay. Tell him the meatballs the comedy the guy who runs it and owns it Tony stop by Give you a little something. He'll let you use the bathroom. Don't worry about it. Do your makeup. You got a little something What's your project though? No, the one that you're in I'm right, but you haven't announced it at all No, just I've just told people that I have I

Had the idea to just make something that I wanted to make right with the end goal Just being that I made something I wanted to make and so I shot this thing. I funded it And you are in it. Yeah, thank you. They don't know anything yet. I can't you I don't want to tell How long until it's gonna be I think depends right if you yeah, I think that that The majority of everything will be cut by Probably late next month, okay I saw the I saw the first cut of one of the things we shot and then I have another soundstage day of like really Yeah, I have a soundstage day. You're not done. I mean take I have one day, right, but that'll be

Cut in there, too. It'll be a few months still it'll be a few months, but I'm still super stoked about it Are you gonna put it out for like like YMH live or something like that? That's one of the ideas so I told people that I work with that Obviously what I was doing and they were like, oh we want to show it to people for like streamers and all this stuff your reps Yeah, and I was like, yeah, sure But the original plan was just to go straight to Like a YMH live event straight to stream Yeah, so I guess I guess we'll show that to them and see if they are interested in it

but if there's people who watch the This it's a wrap you're interested or show it to the sales people. Yeah, I show it to like buyers Yeah, that's the goal right cuz you always want well the goal would be I mean whatever like if if doing a YMH live type event Allows me to do more of this meaning just make my own right stuff then I would say that's the goal The goal is just be able to make more. Yeah, so I don't know. I don't know that getting it on One of the big streamers is per se the goal unless it leads to more of it being done. I'd like it. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you'd like Yeah, I think a lot of people like it though. I think so. I hope so. It's always nice when more people can see something That's true. That's true. Yeah, we'll see we'll see what these Jays have to say. They usually decide

The Jays in the kitchen They're my dynamite Jays dynamite Jays. Yeah, you got a couple in there now, huh? Yeah. Wow. That's you got to worry a little bit though, huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah, they're just like contractors. You just don't know They always switch things on you at the last second. Yeah, they're complaining like my daughter. She's so tired Um, oh, I'm just doing this for cost. I'm just doing this for cost. That's the best thing. Do you have a contractor like that? Yeah, had yeah I'm not making John. I'm not making I'm not making any money off this. Yeah. Oh, really? Oh, oh, so shouldn't you not do this? Wouldn't you not want to do this build don't build a fence if you're not making any money?

No, I'm not I'm not making any money off this at all. No Will you be surprising me with costs that I didn't know about at some point in this? Well, I did some I surprised him Well, I was like, oh, you got to fix this. It's not to code. You're gonna need to put some new bars in here He's like, okay, and I did that. It's like I said two layers in the top rail Sends back the guys so we had to send him back twice to fix the stuff and try to charge you though No, I was like you can't charge for that because this is part of the whole thing. Yeah, actually I hate that though I hate I don't like him to do that. I hate the contractors are just I

Know do you use the wife thing? They're like, ah, look, I think it's great my fucking wife. Okay. She every morning She wakes me up at 6 a.m. and say look, it's slanted. It's slanted. I'm like, I kind of just sleep So if you could just make it straight so I can get some sleep here. Yeah, believe me It's it's the D word coming but until then We can just get this straight, please the the fucking what was the guy he did? Oh, he at the very end we had a Bathroom remodel. This is like a while back right lived here He's not there and the last day one of his it's actually his kid goes like here's a piece of paper. It's just like

The last invoice and it was 10 grand. I was like, what is this for just like Add-on things the things that changed along the way and I'm like, that's a very round number Yeah, and then I looked through the and one of the things was like I got my eyes right itemized but it was just like The wood box that you chose 500 the thing like all these like just right go What is this one and it was like a grand or two grand and it was like change you change the original Design for the bathroom. I'm like, what are you talking about and So what I go? What is this and the guy's like, yeah, you didn't he actually said I haven't an email

Which is amazing. So you didn't have the The design for the hot and the cold water in the shower. We added that later I'm like, did you think I wouldn't want water in the shower? It's like you change I go. No, that's not some people they don't they want they won't cold some people won't cold It was so crazy popular. I got so aggressive in the emails. Oh my god. I got so aggressive I can't do it. Yeah, I have to do I told myself because I got in a screaming match with this guy This fence contractor the Israeli guy on the phone because he said he'd send someone over to fix this dumb tiny thing, right? Mm-hmm. He said he would and I'm waiting for my comic. Are they coming? It's just the smallest thing

That's what you put a little lock on there. So when the wind blows isn't swing the gate open It's like, um, what do you mean? I'm like you you said it I'm not I'm not lying that you said it and he starts getting all defensive about it And this is in the middle of Kobe when everyone's psycho, right? Yeah, I'm just holding on to this little thing is all I have my life is getting him to do this fucking fence for me and Kind of screaming match with him on the phone and he's like, oh, I do you want me to do it? I'm like good cuz your work is good. It's good work. Okay. It's good work I'm not and eventually so okay. I'll send someone over there and

I'm like, I'll pay I'll pay a hundred dollars for this just to pull a bolt on there and afterwards. I'm just shaking Because I don't want to do this. Yeah, it's not me. Yeah, I told myself after that I'm never having a confrontation with someone ever again I mean, they're gonna be like, okay, I'm paying extra just so this is enjoyable. Yeah, it's like a thing I just paid some fucking guy today to hallway, but I just don't know how much it costs like I could have got this done for a third of the price. No problem. Yeah, but what am I gonna do? I get pissed. It's like it's over. Yeah, it's kind of like it's kind of like paying taxes Yeah, you know, you just got to go like you pay taxes and you just move forward if you just sit there and like vent or think that it's

You know, like I can't believe it's like what's that you have to move forward. Yeah. Oh, I'm gonna build a tax shelter Yeah, my thing is not paying this. Have you ever had a friend tell you that like like a friend who does not work in accounting Go like, hey, you know, you don't have to pay taxes. Um, I have one of my friends do that I mean, he was like, you know, you don't have to pay taxes and I was like, what are you talking about? And he was like you don't and I go like which taxes like income tax and stuff He was like, you don't have to pay it and I go, no, you do. He's like, you really don't I go No, you don't that's called tax evasion. Yeah, you can it's a crime No, just watch this hour and a half long YouTube video. Yeah, you have to check this out and I go

Is this what you're doing? Are you doing this because this is not gonna end well for you? I hope you know, I did have a guy when I first moved to LA when I was working. I had a normal job I took advice. I got someone else's tax guy to do my taxes two years in a row He gets you a ton a ton of ton back like a ton back because I was a subcontractor, right? And a bunch of other people used him in the office. They had kids and stuff. So I think it must be fun I don't remember what happened. I think I got audited or something or I sighed a switch a different tax guy and I show the new legitimate tax guys this thing And he's sitting there with me just, you know, the dorkiest tax guy classic dorky tax guy with the glasses

He's looking at it goes on Do you so do you own a boat? I'm like, no, so okay And how about these? Where are your apartments that you own? Apartments is like, okay One second. Hey, uh Jim come come look at this and all the guys in the office come look at this thing like see this right here I'm like, I don't fucking know what this means. The guy said I owned a boat. That's how he was getting you so much

Yeah, I get tons back and I got audited one year. So It ends up end up breaking even. Yeah, but man That is like crazy shit when I got here and I mean, I'm just like you at that time like a subcontractor or whatever Yeah, so they pay you basically cash. Yeah, they don't take it out and I get and I'm like I need to do taxes so somebody refers me to this guy in Glendale and and It's so funny. I meet with him. I mean, I bring my stuff I have receipts for things and he's like

He goes so this year. Did you get a did you get a bunch of haircuts? I'm like, I go. Yeah, he goes Every few weeks and I go. Yeah, he goes probably like what 35 40 bucks a time you tip them I'm like, yeah, and he'd write down and then he goes He go, uh, do you don't need to charity this year and he go Like that he would nod and I was like Yeah, he's like, how much you think you don't need probably like 500,000 something like that. Yeah, that sounds right No, 500,000 like and then like the whole time he would just make suggestions and then he would just nod at me And I was go, okay. Yeah, I think so. Anyway, I mean, it's still it didn't amount too much because I wasn't making much

But he was just trying to like just write off everything Who's that movie the accountant with Ben Affleck? Yeah, remember he has that couple on there And he's like does your husband have a space that he would work in possibly outside the home? No, like no, it's like, are you sure he doesn't have a space that he might be working in? They're like, oh, yeah, okay. Yeah. Yeah Yeah here. God. I wish I was that guy. Oh my god. No to know all that stuff all tax code. Yeah Buy an art. Did you watch worse roommate ever? I didn't see it. No, there's that native It's really good. It's on Netflix native now. Sometimes we call him native. Yeah

Sometimes we call him Nevada or whatever, you know, as long as it has an end Vandal so There is a it profiles these horror stories of roommates, but like the the finale Is profiling a guy Who did really well in school went to law school Seems like he had some type of mental break Like like, you know, like what a guy who's smart But just something yeah really smart and one thing that he too smart

one thing that he learned was all like the state Laws about being a tenant and like all the everything all right So he became this menace roommate what he would do is You know, you would put out and looking for a roommate, right? He would show up be very pleasant

You'd be like, I think this guy's great. He went to law school. He's you know Tutors people and all that stuff and then he would become like this Totally different guy and he knew How long it would take to get evicted. Yes. And like he knew the whole legal process and He but it was it was a nightmare. It was just it reminded me of like having specialized knowledge In something that allows you to exploit it and it was it was horrible I mean he just and then as they're telling you like the big story they would flash back to other times He'd done to other people or the profiling all these people that were like this guy ruined my life

That's his whole thing is ruining people's lives as a roommate. Yeah. Oh, it's like he gets off on it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah It's almost like he's like a congressman. Yeah. Yeah, exactly That's funny. He was such a piece of shit. Um, but he's good. Yeah. Well, I think he's I hope he's dead. Um Johnny Pemberton tickets are available on your site. Yeah, should be on my site Johnny Pemberton dot dog dot dog You also should check out my youtube. I'm putting out a bunch of videos But your videos and of Wayne if I may say so we are all huge Huge fans of your t-shirts. Oh right on. Um, uh, I sent you that picture. Yeah, I've had it on at the work I've got a couple. I got a moderna one. I think you do

Yeah, moderna moderna metallica, right? Um, you know, most of them are for sale on On instagram through my shop most of them some of them are too hot for tv kind of thing You know, so they go on. I sell them at shows though. All live shows. Yeah, you got a you got a racy online Yeah, this one you can buy online. What is that one was the same or anything? This is uh, racy on technologies. Oh technologies. Okay. Recognize this logo. Uh, what logo is that? It's Costco. Oh, sorry It's a Kirkland signature Kirkland signature. Yeah. Um, have you ever gotten heat for a shirt from like a little bit heat a little bit Yeah, a little bit heat not like real heat. Yeah, just like hey, uh, stop it

Yeah, okay, we'll stop. Yeah And uh, I think it's probably from a hater. It's got to be right probably you've forgotten heat Um, because I feel like And I think about something the one I was once I did for you Yeah, um I don't think I don't talk about it Okay Uh, thanks for coming today. Yeah, it's great to be here. Always great to see you. Um, don't forget see johnny live

Uh, check out his youtube get a shirt and thank you guys for watching. We'll see you now. Uh, by the way I had a blast with you today. Great job. It's always good to see you I know uh, you're having problems, but um, it's gonna be okay and the sweater is beautiful It's great sweater. It looks uncomfortable, but you know, that's the fact the price of fashion price of fashion. Yeah, goodbye. Bye Walking down the street introduction to my song. I got a gun got a terminator gun machines with him Machines with him Practice on my rhyme practice on the flow g 16 1 0 0 machines with them Machines with him

If all the haters much love no hate, I don't know what's really what's fake I don't give enough walking down the street hatchet cruising and happy halloween Working on my rhyme working on my song. I got a gun got a terminator gun machines with them Machines with them You