Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - A Hamburglar Halloween w/ Ryan Sickler | Your Mom's House Ep. 834

Episode Date: October 29, 2025

Tom will be filming his new stand-up special in Milwaukee at The Riverside Theater on November 14th & 15th! Tickets are still available in Milwaukee for the November 14th show. Go get your tickets now at https://tomsegura.com/tour. SPONSORS: - Head to https://Mood.com and use code YOURMOM to find the functional gummy that matches exactly what you're looking for, and let Mood help you discover YOUR perfect mood. - Get organized, refreshed, and ready for the holidays for way less. Head to https://Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. - Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/YMH. Application times may vary. Rates may vary. Happy Hallow Jeans! Welcome to a very spooky and very fashionable episode of Your Mom’s House! 🎃 This week, Tom Segura and Christina P get into the Halloween spirit—well, Christina does—by showing up as Karl Lagerfeld, complete with fingerless gloves and antisocial energy, while Tom is dressed as a Tom Segura who totally forgets his costume. The jeans dive into Karl’s insane quotes, fashion snobbery, and hatred of sweatpants, before somehow landing on Florida’s trashiest white people, Santa-denying parents, and why Jewish holidays can’t compete with Christmas. Then, the Hamburglar aka Ryan Sickler joins the show to talk about his new stand-up special Live and Alive, why his brow lift left him without a Halloween costume, and how bullying might actually build character. Plus, the Main Mommies also show Ryan some horrible or hilarious clips and everything insane they've been watching this week. ROBBLE ROBBLE! Your Mom’s House Ep. 834 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:04:57 - Opening Clip: Ryan Needs Some Action 00:06:28 - Halloween On Christmas 00:14:14 - Florida Trash 00:22:50 - Fart Eyes Responds 00:25:40 - Some Gay Stuff 00:34:37 - Clip: Exploding Horny Dude 00:37:48 - Bert 00:40:59 - The Hamburglar Roasts Karl Lagerfeld 00:47:17 - Pudding Unc 00:54:08 - Clip: One Eyed Lady 00:56:12 - Clip: Picky Eater 01:02:09 - Sickler's New Special 01:07:28 - Horrible Or Hilarious 01:22:31 - I'm Ryan 01:27:07 - Cafe Bich Nga 01:30:22 - Lars Van Trier Loves H Dog 01:32:18 - Austin's Poop Problem 01:41:38 - Clip: Earl Changes 01:47:19 - Closing Song - "Fuk Me Tonite" by Matt Mercer Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, everyone. I'm filming my new stand-up special in Milwaukee at the Riverside Theater on November 14th and 15th. Tickets are available in Milwaukee for the November 14th show only. Get your tickets now at tomscorea.com slash tour. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. That's annoying. What? You're a muffler. You don't hear it? Oh, I don't even know. Notice it. I usually drown it out with the radio. How's this? Oh, yeah. Way better.

Save on insurance by switching to Bel Air Direct and use the money to fix your car. Bel Air Direct, insurance, simplified. Conditions apply. Ready in Chamesh. One, two, three, four, five. All right, welcome to a very spooky episode of your mom's house. I forgot that today was a thing, but someone else didn't. What's you're laughing at? You're very fat.

Okay, cool. How dare you laugh. It's me in your obesity. I don't mean to. I'm in character and just know that I don't really think you're fat. I'm a carolog or no. I understand. So, um,

yes. Sitting here today with me is a legend in the world of fashion. Thank you, Tom, for acknowledging my brilliance. A kind of an asexual fashion god. Thank you. I am, I wouldn't say, I'm homosexual, but yeah, I did not have irrelations. Otherwise, I would have died of AIDS.

Right, because of the gays. That's right. Yeah. I don't have AIDS, Tom. You really, I mean, you went all out. This is, this is, you nailed it. Thank you. I got the, the fingerless gloves, which were, surprisingly, you can find this all on

Carl Lagerfeld.com and he sells the tie. I was going to say, did you, did you just get like a Mozart wig? Yeah, this is for me. Amazon. Yeah. Yeah, the hairline's not perfect, but you know, hey. Yeah. And you got the tie from his site? Yeah, he sells them. Like, well, he's not, he's dead, but you can buy the oversized thing, and this is from his website, as are the sparkly gloves. And I know you're interested. Oh, there is the TV show. I got inspired by him. He also, he rarely smiled, right? Wasn't he always? Yeah, he was, they called him Kaiser Carl, because he was just very into work. And he

lives in a very sterile environment and he's just fully about fashion and the importance of fashion and that's it okay that is all what happened to your time you're very lazy you did not have a costume why did you not i honestly totally forgot you forgot i forgot to be guessing has to forget i don't even know how to say that shit anymore yeah yeah um he hated i think he hated jews right he was like Anti-Semitic, he was. That's quite an accusation. Anti-fat.

For someone to say, go right, like you're not sure, you're just going to label someone? I think he was. Can we say crazy stuff? So that we could apologize if it's not true? To who? He's dead. Well, I'm just saying it's, you don't want someone's legacy to be that if it's not true. They all know.

He was very polar-o-oiding. He was a very polarizing guy. Okay. He made a lot of really cool comments. Hold on. Let's, let's, okay. He was condemned in making comments 2017 that were described as anti-Semitic and Islamophobic.

It's good when you hit all the fucking marks. It was made during a televised rant against German Chancellor Angela Merkel's immigration policy. Here's what he said. One cannot, even if there are decades between them, kill millions of Jews so you can bring millions of their worst enemies in their place.

Okay? He also recounted a fabricated story. I know someone in Germany who took a young Syrian and after four days said the greatest thing Germany invented was the Holocaust. Jesus, that's pretty aggrove. I didn't read that one before I bought the costume. His statements were immediately condemned by German media, French anti-racism groups, and Jewish organizations.

They quickly claimed, okay. What you cannot even say, what's in your heart anymore? You can't make a joke. Well, yeah, or just... What's wrong with you? You can't have opinions? You can't just say. Yeah.

There's a free country. Anyway, what's up with your new collection? I've been drawing very ferociously. I've been selling these lipsticks. I've been selling them on my website, ChristinaP.com. All kinds of new colors in the fall. And I'm very inspired.

There they are. I just did a new photo shoot with some very skinny, thin, beautiful models. None of them are fat. Nobody is fat. Yes. Bitch, you fat. Deal with it.

I'll deal with it. Yeah. There we go. That's what I'm up to. Nice. I didn't see- You have to be fucking retarded as fuck to not lose weight. Yeah, that's true. That's true.

Speaking of, oh, should we get into the update that I had for you? I don't want to get into it too early into the show. Okay. Well, here, let's open the show. Let's open it. Yeah. You ready? I'm ready, man.

Let's fucking go, buddy. Let's go. Happy hollow jeans. Happy hollow jeans. I'm Ryan, and I was thinking to myself, damn, I have a high sex drive like a bunny rabbit. Only problem is, I got no. the fuck you know

this shit is big guys holy holy don't bring anyone mother into this your mom

in the fucking back I know what you're saying dude welcome to your mom's house with

Tom Sigura and Christina Pichits and welcome to your mom's house

welcome to your mom's house feel the beat feel the beat let it sing in your heart make it yours you can make this song part of your soul festival um um run um wrong he's like you know the problem is he needs to channel this energy and to work yes our bite us yes makes you free that's true okay so um what's what's the word uh carlagerfeld are you excited for um you know the Halloween walking around getting candy are you a fan of that i don't eat much candy is no

on a specific diet to fit into Dior's size six. I eat specific things. But not like you, I can tell you eat all the candies. Oh, right. Just gobbles them up. Gobble, gobble, gobble. And steals them from the children. I, um,

so stupid. So I took our kids to the dentist a little while ago and they're like, hey, you can bring back your Halloween candy and exchange it for toys. We have a program where you can exchange the candy for toys. I was like, what kind of fucking satanic, demonic, anti-Christian, anti-American communist shit is that? Can you even imagine? Turn your candy in. Your Halloween candy. Your hard-earned candy you went door to door for it. Yeah, it's once a year too. It's not like you're doing it every week. Yeah, I mean, how square of a parent do you have to be to be like, not even on the holiday?

No candy for you That sucks Yeah, that's a mega bummer We know people that would Yeah Yeah, we know them quite well No fun Yeah, they're in the no fun zone

No fun zone Got 13 more bites What? Wow, that was Or like, yeah, like it's vacation More bites Of healthy stuff Nine?

I know, counting the bites. Jesus. Yeah, I feel like if you make a big deal out of it, look, I have a relative who was denied all the sweets growing up, and then what happened. She grew up, and she got... You know. What to find a big old bitch. She's a fatty now. She turned into a horse because the minute she could buy her own groceries, she was making all the wrong choices.

You can't restrict too much. It's not good. No, it's a holiday, you fucking animals. And then there are people, there are parents who don't do Santa Claus. That's fucking so sad. That one's actually more sad. Because you know that all the other kids are like, the wonder that you see, the true wonder and innocence of they're like, a magic man is coming down. And then there's a kid whose parents are like, no, that's not happening.

It's just not real. It's not real, guys. I don't want to lie to my children. It's not happening, and there's nothing, no one's coming. There's no magic in the world, children. Don't put any cookies out, no one's going to fucking eat them. Yeah, there's no magic, there's no joy, there's nothing special. And you know what they say, this parents, they go, yeah, but I don't want to lie to my kids and they're going to be disappointed.

I'm like, if your kids haven't figured out that you lie to them about stuff by now, they're fucking stupid. You can't lie to them about a cool surprise? Yeah. Like, you're not lying to them to hurt them. I lie to our kids all the time, and now they know it. And they're like, you're lying to me. I'm like, no. Yeah, of course.

And then I'm like, I'm sorry, I totally lied to you just now. But that's a good one. Lie to kids. It's a good one to do. It's called fun lies, fun surprise lies. Like, you like to surprise me and you always lie to me. And you're a good actor, and it's kind of scary because I wonder what other things you're lying about. Cool.

How many families you have in other towns. So, yeah. Do you know that we played this video? But also, just to park at this, denied. a child Christmas is the greatest crime of all. I think so. Even if you're, you don't have to be Christian to do it.

You realize this is a cultural holiday. It's not about, you know, they'll tell you, oh, it's the birth. No one gives it, come on. No, he uses a shit about that. No. It's about having, it's about blowing a kid's mind with fun. Did you know there's an online cannabis company that combines federally legal THC and functional ingredients to target every mood and health.

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Thank you. You understand that Christmas is. Hanukkah doesn't have shit on Christmas. No. Not even close. Everybody knows that. No, because you get like one crappy gift a day. Yeah.

But they're like crummy gifts, right? They're not like blowing your mind gifts. Yeah, yeah, it's a whole different thing. It's not cool. Yeah, here's a collection of like different interest rates from around the world. It's like, okay, cool. They do kind of live up to those stereotypes. They give away the gold chocolate coins, right?

You get gild. Yep. Gelt. Yeah, yeah. No, it's not this. Christmas rules. Christmas rules. For a kid?

Christmas rules. Everything. Yeah. Fucking, it's so good, dude. Oh, yeah. I mean, look, I like getting a little gift today. Do you want to light the candle? Joshua.

Joshua, you want a coin? Amanda brought you some gelt. Don't eat it all. Not at once. You're going to burn your mouth on this soup. Oh, my God. I sat next to this Jew Broad by the pool. Yeah.

And she was like, I, she's on the phone. She goes, I had to give him $100,000. And I'm sitting there like, what the fuck, lady? Like, we're just relaxing by the pool. She goes, can you believe it all? I'd be homeless right now. I'd be homeless. He made, I didn't know he made $14 million.

in 2018 who knows what he did to make that is it even legal and i was like lady we're fucking relaxing by the pool then you get in the pool and the guys were going back and forth about millions being stored here it was all money talk it was so bizarre it's almost like the stereotype was true yeah you know maybe it's coming out because carl's here maybe it is i'm not sure but I grew up in San Fernando Valley very J heavy meant to many Bar Mitzvahs Bat Mitzvahs growing up

I'm a friend of the Jays I'm a friend of the Muslims but man that money chat we were in Florida we took a little holiday Mommy needed to clear her head and man it really was they were talking about money

every fucking conversation Yeah what's up with that Josh Yeah what is is that true You guys just talk about money all day long Yeah I mean I think about it all day long too like it's just kind of in you. It's just kind of in you. I've never seen somebody more afraid to gamble

it in my life. Really? It's not fun. It's not fun. I agree with you. It's stupid. It's stupid. It's stupid. It's stupid. But that is like a very, you know... I'm not saying he's not smart. Right, right. That's a he's educated about it. It's an evolved kind of stance. Like, why would I play

with this money of money? Yes. It hurts so much more for me to lose it than it does like any joy from winning it. What's the What's the biggest gamble you've ever taken in that world? I did like 200 bucks on craps the other day in a casino and I lost it. Yeah, it just sucked. Just ruined your night.

Yeah, it was a bummer. What do you do when you lose the money? Just cry. Do you put on a hair shirt? And he's got the right answer. You go to the ATM. That's what you crushed. And they tell you, oh, your fucking limit today is too much.

No, no, no, no. Then you call the bank. You get more to work. And then you win it back. There you go. And you always win it back. That's what people don't know. You always win it back.

The gambler always wins. Isn't that the same? That's the expression. It's the minute that you quit, that you would have won. That's how you lose. Never give up, loser. That's what they tell you. You're always about to hit big.

You know what they tell you too when you play blackjack? When you reduce your bet, so they go, oh, so you want blackjack? Meaning, like, you take your bet down, that's when you're going to hit it big. So you got to keep pushing. keep pushing yeah yeah wow yeah yeah big and you're like bick nya please big bick yeah big yeah oh I see what you're doing is that in here do I have bick yeah please I don't think I have it in here rap rap rah it's so gross yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah huh Well, I didn't know that.

I didn't know that they really did talk about money all the time. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. It's crazy, dude. A lot of people talk about money, though. But they're cool. You know, it's cool. It's good. But I did, I did, uh, there was a white guy who looked like just like a white guy,

but he was talking with like a Latin accent. And to you, I was like, what's going on? And you go, babe, babe, babe, it's Florida. This is Florida. This is Florida. They're just, and I think what's special about Florida, is that they have the best garbage white people. The garbious, trashiest whites in America live in Florida.

The garbageest whites. We're talking about non-J whites. Yes. These are just like gentile trash humans. And they do congregate in the state of Florida. And there's theories as to why. Yeah. Well, okay, warm weather is always going to attract somebody that's like,

well, where's it going to be easier to live? Vegas attracts Warm weather Yeah Arizona Trash bags Trash bags Florida

Massive trash bags Yeah So you got warm weather And so they're like All right It'll be nice Even if I can't Have a nice place

It'll be nice outside True Right No state income tax Always draws in Same with Arizona Yeah Texas Nevada Texas

Yeah What was it Montana No Washington Tennessee Maine But still, I feel like Florida has the garbageiest whites. Right. So it's like, but I'm saying it's another thing.

It's like it's warm out. Yeah, check. No state of income tax. Fireworks are legal. Fireworks. Easy to get guns. Stand your ground, which is a law that's basically like, that black guy is making me uncomfortable. Can I kill him?

That's what staying your ground basically is? They're like, what happened? This black guy walked up and I was like, you're black. And so I shot him. And then they're like, oh, they're. That makes sense. Is that true? I mean, I'm obviously, you know, exaggerating.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The stand-your-ground law, since it has been enacted and been a law there, there's a disproportionate amount of black people dying. Oh, geez. And the defense is staying your ground. Great, great. Yeah, it's like you can use deadly force if you feel like your life is in danger. And, yeah, it's definitely. And you said that's here in Texas, too?

Stany Your Grounds of Florida. I don't know if it's in Texas. It's definitely in Florida. Because I was at the, I was at the sporting goods store with Julian looking for binoculars to look at UFOs. And we were looking at the guns because our kids love guns. And I was like, hey, can I just buy a gun right now? Yeah, we don't have Stan Your Ground, by the way. That's not here.

Oh, okay. I go to the guy, I'm like, can I just like buy one of these? He's like, yeah, you got to pass the background check. That'll take like a day or something like that. And then that's it. I just walk out and he's like, well, what would help to take a class or something just to know the laws? Yeah. I was like, that's it?

Like, yes. Suggesting? Bro, when I first got here, it took a week. I went to a pawn shop and I didn't, I barely showed him my ID and I got a gun. I didn't, there was no day wait. It was just ID. I went to a gun store. It's a gun.

I bought a gun where I was like, I was asking the same questions. Like, how long is this going to take? And they're like, well, do you have your. ID and I'll go yeah and they go okay so let me go through here and he goes you know technically I can get back to you in like 24 hours he's like but hold on a second he just like da-da-da he goes you're approved you can get it

he just gave it to me right there you're tombsaker he was like right now he's like yeah yeah so there was no weight no weight he's like yeah it went through the system you're fine wild and you can carry you can just carry you can open carry without anything or you can take a test online that takes about, I don't know, eight minutes, and you can get a concealed carry permit, yeah, yeah. It's so crazy.

There's a lot of guns in this state, a lot. A lot, but I will say, for some reason, I mean, you don't see people being shot dead all the time in the streets. I mean, no, not, I mean, it happens, but it's not like a regular daily thing here, no. I think it works as a deterrent, yeah? I think we just broke through on something here. Everybody should have guns. Everybody should have guns.

Go buy yourself a gun. Can you imagine listening to this in the UK where they're like, it's not even possible? There's a lot of people around the world that have a hard time grasping our guns stuff. Yeah, Europe is like, why? Why do you need it? I get it too.

I get like the perspective on it being like, what the fuck? Everyone has guns? But then the other thing is like you don't understand how ingrained that is in the society here. It's hard to really grasp that it's a big thing people you know people really are adamant that they want their guns it's it's never going to be like oh we're taking you know your gut people sometimes go like they're going to take our guns

like no they're not that's never going to happen not in america that would be in there would be the biggest bloodbath ever oh my god it's not happening it's so yeah no it's not going to happen your shit ain't happening man mm-mm all right so this one want to show you a few weeks ago i had shown you i think this guy the thing about fighting me is that you're not going to beat my ass you're not going to beat my ass you're not going to be i'm going to be your you're going to beat this put i'm going to beat you'll pussy ass up oh okay and i guess i don't remember exactly i guess i commented that i would beat the fuck out of this guy oh wow i was like i'll beat your fucking ass i wouldn't have done that i think that's what i said and anyways it got back to

him they got back to him damn yeah so hold on to your seat carl oh my God. Mr. Sigoura, I apologize, but you are not allowed to be my ass. As I said in that video, you would not be able to. So please keep your comments to yourself and do not threaten me, or I will have to seek counsel. Thank you. First of all, how the hell does he know that term?

I agree. This is a guy that can barely put a sentence together, and he knows to say counsel. That's true. He doesn't know what that means. He thinks it's a milkshake. He's been watching tons of law and order. He's like, I'm going to, I mean, I think, counsel. All right, I'm not going to, I'm not threatening you, dude.

I thought you were threatening us with the first video. Yes, right. But I'm not threatening you. And I don't see counsel. I don't want to issue with you. No, let's not get the law. Certainly don't want to go to litigation. No, let's not get the law involved.

It's very costly, sir. Yeah. You want to hire an attorney? Good luck. Good fucking. That costs a goddamn fortune, man. Look, I'm an adult. And that means I deal with.

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So you can feel a little fear. What's this? Or a little more fear. I see dead people Or a lot of fear Mom Or you can get completely terrified Who said that?

Choose wisely With Halloween On Disney Plus Do you remember God dare This, let's see Video I'm looking at Peter Murphy behind you

He's enchanting me You remember this video from the very beginning like when well a few years ago i think but it really blew our minds for reference this is how hairy my butt is right now all right so step one is to squeeze and he gave tutorials on like hair like removing hair from your asshole your balls and these all have like 80 million views on youtube we're like what the fuck is going on and it just turned out that he fell into the category of like um education when he was clearly like here's how to fuck more okay it was all about fucking well

this dude I guess people are still discovering obviously this video all the time you know it's not like it's everyone's seen it but this is for reference this is how hairy my butt is right now whoa

what the fuck what what what what what yeah YouTube

yeah what Why did I pause it It's stuck on my screen I can't even look at my screen Yeah I'm gonna just say one thing Yeah

Bro turned around again He saw it again He did I'm gonna just say that Little suss Little suss Little suss Little suss

Little suss I'll just say that There you go You think he liked the hairy butt Is what you're trying to say Motherfucker paused it On the asshole He could have just

closed it, right? Yeah. I also think, though, he was in real shock. He was in real shock. He didn't know. Good shock or bad shock? I don't know. Yeah, because he did set up the camera.

I am a top that likes to get his ass eaten. Oh, great. Okay. So it's a recent thing for me. Discovery? Yeah. It really is. It's a wonderful thing.

Like, I don't know. Like, it's something I feel like I've been missing out of for a lot of years. Yeah. Big Boys Club. Yeah. What you're missing out on, man? dick that's what you've been missing out on

okay life is life so much better now that's what he said life is better now yeah I bet yeah still smiling oh smiling and shit it's so important if you don't want to admit it that's fine

but you do got to accept the fact that I'm gayer than you dude I fuck more butt than you do I suck more dick than you do I kiss more dudes than you do I dress better. I wash my ass more than you do. I oil up and bust it down more than you do.

They caught me down on Highway 72 banging 70 dudes. You ain't pulling these kind of numbers. You ain't doing this. You can't power scale my gayness. Power scale my gayness. That was pretty dope. Yeah, good for him. Yeah, that was awesome.

Dude, the gays are just fucking... Trying to get my ass even. I love it. I agree with that whole message. He is correct. He is gayer. uh i don't know about the dressing part yeah i was gonna say like niggas wearing a t-shirt yeah what you i thought it was like a church's chicken shirt or something yeah that's what it

looks like like bro you just got that for free i agree your fashion is atrocious yeah if you're gonna say that you got to you know step it up but he does have clean face i think it's i think it's a bit yeah it's a bit yeah you sing it's a fun bit yeah let me look at him you want to see him again um okay it's delicious a little boy yeah he's delectable What is that, Logan's? Barbecue, probably. Roadhouse? Yeah.

But then again, why would you claim to be super gay? He's just having fun. He's just being silly. He's a thing that white people do. Yeah, I've never understood it since I was a kid, man. White niggas in fucking school always. Oh, ho, ho, I'm fucking gay. Oh, slap my ass, man.

Fucking Reed tried to slap my ass. Wow. The other day at a bar, and I was, I'm like, nigga, never do that. again i was not playing he tried to slap it he did oh he did slap he did he was like go get him i was in the motherfucking bathroom like dog dog in the bathroom stuff like yeah we homies but if we weren't homies that's hands it's you cannot do that what if he what if he'd given you like a front tickle dog dog i just said what i'm not these like i did that to a co-worker once Really?

You see? You see? This is what white people do. This is what white men do. They do. They're very homo erotic. I don't understand. And they love jiu-jitsu.

They love wrestling each other on the floor. It's just the culture, Annie. It's crazy, man. Well, sometimes you go, you wrestle, you get all your, you know, tension and rage out, and then you give, like, the winner's kiss. You know, you go, like, I beat you, you know. Right. At the end of jihitsu, they teach the kids.

A little kiss. Just give you. each other pecks on the... Yeah, it's cute. It's fun. I mean, I like, listen, any? I'm kind of with you here because I'm watching season two of interview with a vampire, which I love the show.

But once I see gay kissing stuff, I get very like, oh, come on, man, dude. I have to fucking... Oh, wow, you're getting like this? I mean, look. That's so gay. I just don't... I don't need to fucking see it. You know, and I like them.

I like the story. Thank you, sir. then maybe I'm homophobic maybe you are homophobic that's not something to be proud of yeah it's not something to be proud of but I don't dislike them

I just don't like watching them court or French or I don't like watching them French yeah I don't like love I don't like affection between people no it's just like because I like them independently so right now it's season two it's with Armand and Louis and there he is from Dubai

to the right one more to the right that guy and I like the guy who plays Armand and I like the guy that plays Louis and I like to imagine them as being ready for me oh heterosexual and then they start French and each other and then I get upset because I'm like oh man like I the fantasy was that the vampires would come and make me into a vampire but they're not even interested in sexually yeah yeah such a bummer do they ever do a thing where they bite the pussy lips I mean, there's so much blood down there anyway. They never just go for the source. That's great.

There's got to be a vampire out there that exclusively does that. Yeah. Right? Yeah, I mean, you guys are just blood gushers. We are blood. I didn't even think about that. Why go for the neck? You've got an open wound.

Can I tell you something? Real talk? Yeah. I get nervous when I'm on my period and we go on vacation. Like, what if I'm in the ocean and, like, the animals? The animals? sharks and stuff they can tell and they'll come and meet me yeah they can sense that from a mile away that's what i'm saying like can you google that if a woman's on her period even though she has

a tampon in will she get eaten by a shark on vacation it's specifically on vacation like does the shark recognize that she's having leisure time i'm trying to relax and have a marg that that can't be that can't be it says no there's no scientific evidence to to support the claim that sharks are attracted to period blood, as opposed to every other kind of blood? Oh, bullshit. Well, I mean, they're saying it's just not there. They're attracted primarily to fish, blood, and other menstrual blood

does not contain the same chemical signals that attract sharks. There you go. There's your answer. Thank God, dude. It is safe to swim on vacation. You're good to go now. Ugh. Dog, what, like, what is this? show, bro.

What is the show? This is our folder called for any. No. And it's been a long time. Just watching gay soft porn, like you can't just do that. You can. You can.

It's fun. You should ban us. We should be banned. God, I'm reaching out to our YouTube contact. I'm like, check this shit out. You know, the timestamps and everything. But any, I'm with you. It makes me uncomfortable, too.

Oh, right. It's your show. But everything makes me uncomfortable on this show, to be fair. God damn it. Most of the shit we watch is terrible to me. Yeah. Unless it's TikTok stuff, and then I really like it. Then you like it.

I don't like fucking horny guys, licking the air and stuff. You don't like this guy here? I like women who make me explode in my pants. There are only about 13 of you in the Pittsburgh area. Nice. So most of you Have nothing to worry about You got a lot of flakes on your shirt

He does a blink He's very still He's laying down Yeah He's got You're not it I'm seeing Know what I'm seeing

I don't like it You don't like him Babe He's some chicks I don't like it I'm gonna fucking puke There's no way this works There's no fucking way

There's a woman that's like yeah There is a woman There might be 13. There's not 13 in the Pittsburgh area yet. You don't think he closes deals? Never. Never. Not a deal closed.

Oh, I think you're not a deal. I'm telling you. Here's the thing. They don't look the way he thinks they do, but he closes deals. So he could be a Florida white garbage. Oh, 100%. Yeah. And I know guys like this and the guys that like talk like this and they put up numbers and shit,

But it is astonishing what they will claim is attractive. But they do get it. He gets it. Well, because if he had like a small boat, like a fishing boat, and then he's like, come out on my boat. He's worked a lot of angles in his life. That's the big angle for him, is come out on my boat. Yeah, yeah.

And then he gives her six-pack zemas or whatever. I don't know, trash drinks. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's what Florida trash love that. They love to be on a boat. Playing loud, shitty music. Well, that's another thing.

You have the ocean. So if you're kind of a fuck up, you know, you don't like things work on ground, you can just kind of go, you know, I'm meant to be out there. You can kind of fuck up out there. Oh, yeah. You don't really fuck with anybody, you know, get your dog and you get your hot stove and, you know, some fishing lines. A dog on your boat. Yeah, of course. That's so cool for them.

Dogs love to be on the boats. A lot of guys like that down there. Yeah. You got to have the full neck beard, bad blotchy skin. And do they live? They live on the boat, right? Yeah, fuck yeah. That's it. You know, I've got to pay rent to nobody. And sometimes they come ashore and they interact with people and everything starts to go sideways pretty quickly. So they go, I'm going back on the boat. They're just not good. No. It's crazy because I actually, I know somebody whose brother is exactly what you're saying.

Yeah, he's not doing well, is he? A piece of shit. Yeah, of course. He's such a piece of shit. shit, scumbag. Yeah. That's how it is, man. A bunch of fuck-ups. How did you know that?

I grew up there. I know this world. It's amazing that you can tell. That show, Bloodline, really nails it. If you've never seen Bloodline, it's on Netflix. I think they got three seasons. Dude, they really nail the Florida pieces of shit so well on this show. Everything.

The looks, the way that they interact, they just nail it. Well, what I've noticed is the shirtlessness. It's always cut off shorts. Yeah. And flip flops. And you can wear that anywhere in Florida. Bertrand wears flip flops almost every day. Everywhere.

That's his Florida upbringing. Yeah. There's a clip of him with Sebastian who wears Sebastian. He's like, Sebastian's like, I have makeup on. And Bert's like, what? I fucking told you guys. He should wear makeup. And then Sebastian explains.

He's like, well, I mean, you know, if you do Kimmel, you do Conan, right? You're on television. and they put some on you. He's like, and then this is cameras and it's being broadcast and, like, he kind of explains the logic. And then Burke goes, yeah, like, I told you I should do it.

He's like, you don't have to wear it. You're not wearing shoes. It's the least of your concerns is what your face looks like. Oh, yeah, here it is. Go on. Are you serious? Yeah.

I told you I should have fucking makeup on. God, you look amazing. Well, thank you. give me a take on the makeup like this seems to be the form of entertainment that a lot of people are watching right yeah so when you go on a Jimmy Kimmel or you go on a

Conan O'Brien whatever this show is you wear any makeup yeah okay so nothing really different here we have cameras this is being to be broadcast to the world right I feel like you know little

little powder little foundation would have been smart I said should I get a fucking hair and makeup and everyone's like It's a podcast. I should have gotten hair. I should have gotten makeup. No, you shouldn't have gotten anything. You have no shoes on.

So why would we even start with makeup? I didn't even use soap in the shower. I have makeup. Yeah. The red, it's blotchy now. Is he out in the sun? Yeah, he's in the sun. He goes outside a lot.

I don't think he's a sunblock guy. Because it's true. Look how healthy Sebastian looks. Yeah. And then you cut to Burt. You think it's different lifestyles or no? It's like a sausage. and a vegetable

Yeah It's like a healthy green salad Somebody that's taking care And then oh And there's a Pene alavadca A meatball sub right there He looks like a meatball sub

Yeah Well he's out there He's doing it He's on tour, get tickets Last tour All right, let's take a quick break And we'll be right back And we are back, and our guest is one of our all-time favorites.

You can see his new special, Live and Alive. It's out now on his YouTube channel. It's Ryan Sickler, everybody. Yeah, thank you guys. Listen, I want to first apologize that I was unable to get a costume. I just had a brow lift. And they hit me up and said, hey, you got to get a costume. And I was like, I just had this browlift.

I don't have time. I'm going to New York, the awesome. banging these out. I don't have time to get a costume. So I do apologize that you're the only one wearing a costume at the table, Christina. But good for you. You still look gray. Your brow left. I hope it turned out well. I hope it looks half as good as yours. Thank you. When I saw you the last time and I was like, that's something I definitely want to do, right? I want to willfully put myself through that. You got to. Listen, if you, if you're anybody, you need to get plastic surgery. That's right. So your inspiration for this was just

simply your browlift. Yeah. Well, your wife's browlift. I mean, that was the inspiration. And I was like, Jesus Christ, look what she's doing over there. I was like, what do you think of her carologgerfeld? Do you like this? Well, at first, when I came in, I'm ignorant. I didn't even know who the fuck you were. What's fucking wrong with you? Because you're classless, you don't like fashion.

And then they said who you were. And I was like, why do assholes like this always are in charge of fashion? You know what I mean? You look like George Washington and Abling. Do you have, or R. and Ray Charles. All at one time. Great Carl Lagerfeld quotes. And he was a real peach of a personality.

Oh, yeah. Wait, have him pull up and you can read the Lagerfeld quotes because they're pretty great. And I have a friend who was a runway model for him in the early 2000s. Did you ever meet him? And he called her fat. How did she weigh? She's gorgeous. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, have you go. She's a little too fat, but she has a beautiful face and a divine voice. Okay, I know who he is now that I see the melted face. Yeah. No one wants to see curvy women on the runway. That's kind of true. There are nearly 30% of young people who are too fat. So let's take care of the zillions of the too fat

before we talk about the percentage that's left. Can I tell you there? I don't understand the fuck he's talking about. But everybody in my family basically talks like that. Where's his sweatpants? Yeah. Europeans are like brutal like this. I mean, at least my child. What about this?

Yes, some people say to me, you're too skinny. But never a skinny person says that to me. Only people who could, you lose a few pounds say that. Someone who's in shape never says that to me. It's just fat. This is a great one. Sweatpants are a sign of defeat. You lost control of your life, so you bought some sweatpants.

It's true. That one's true. That's fucking true. I don't buy that. That's a bullshit right there. It's not defeat. It's comfort. But what happened during COVID?

He's saying somebody who prioritizes comfort over appearance, your life is a mess. You're a loser. You can simply look at me and tell that that's not the case of it. Look at me. What do you think of this, though? The fingerless gloves. I've always been a fan of fingerless gloves, though, forever. I mean, everybody had.

What is the utility? Because he was an artist, so he would draw all day. But the gloves, this is counterproductive because when I go to the bathroom, I can't wash my hands. Oh, and they're fishnet, too. Didn't Madonna have those, too? Yes, of course. No, Lagerfeld is the one. But you know what I mean? I'm not sure what his sexual preference was. He was an asexual, homosexual. Thank you for asking. Okay. Yeah. And I'm imagining we're keeping the palms for the glop-glot, you know. Fingers are doing the magic and the palms are. I love his running across, you know, skinny bodies. His disdain for the fat is really great. It's really great. It's really

great. It's my favorite. It's like so gross as it. He's like. He can't even And like his version What he calls fat Is not what we call fat Does he have a textbook Like blood pressure Should be 120 over 80?

Does he have a height weight For a woman that's ideal Like publicly As he said The perfect female specimen is this Has he ever gone on record With a barometer here The guy did Chanel

For you know 10 years or more And he designed for many houses Clearly like diverse women too Look at the Chanel line up. Very diverse. I see. Yeah, lots, right?

I'm sure he has a preference. He has to have. Because he's old school, too. This guy was like, you know, from the 70s. Yeah. This is the beginning. I wish he would have had like a closeted, like big, like chubby black wife. That would be awesome.

I mean, off to the side. Like, you know how all the religious people were like, yeah, don't don't do this and that. And then they're all the ones. Of course. Yeah. What if he just had some, you know, like... He did, like, food. So that was his thing is that he was always eating sweets.

And he always had a weight problem. So I think that's why he deflected it out to everyone. The world. Yeah. Put it in the women, little girl's heads and fucked them up for good. Because I didn't like, yeah. Yeah. I should look like those Chanel models.

Why don't I look like a Chanel model? I hate me, so fuck you. Yeah. So you know what? You're going to hate yourself worse. Yeah. Yeah. So then, so he literally did want to be a Diorior.

size something like 38 or 40 so he did have them he had a chef put him on a special diet just so he could fit into Dior size 38 or something Lagerfeld was quite open about his disdain for women larger than a typical runway model size which is considered zero to two there you go good god anything higher to two my mom shopped at 16 plus that was a store but a size four he would be like something to trim down maybe They're disgusting. A four would be, like, double what he prefers. The Carl Lagerfeld diet, so he had, like, an actual...

Yeah. Yeah, so this is how he ate to get slimmed down. You know what I do? Very strict. Hamburgers, man. It's hamburger, right. It was a hamburger diet. You look great.

You look perfect. Yeah. How about this? Cool guy. This reminds me of her. Mm, yeah, baby. Oh, yeah. He's going back for more.

You think he has sweatpants on it? You think he's wearing sweat? He's giving up. Who won it? Who won it? Who want it? Anybody in there? Some of the girls I saw them earlier

are getting kind of worked up over this. Who does want it? I got to know. After all these years, I got to know. I got to know who wants this. You don't feel anything when you see that? Not a fight. It's dry and it went inside.

God, I just don't get it. But you can agree that there's someone on this rock and outer space. Of quell. That's for that guy. Yeah. But who is it? That's what I want to know, too. But there's somebody.

There's somebody. Yeah. How is it? Not Lagerfeld approved. Mm-mm. Definitely not. That ain't going to be a zero to two. Not on, not there.

Apparently, he posts videos of himself. This guy? Doing this a lot, food eating in a sexual way. Please don't. I don't want to be sick. It's his go-to content. And I love pudding. Does anybody eat hamburgers like this?

Tim, Tim and Ryan, may I ask you this? You guys are always, well, specifically you, you're always asking me, oh, that doesn't turn you on at all, his skills. So if you were to see a woman licking a pudding like that. and saying this could be your butthole, would you be turned on regardless of... It's interesting, because if you would have said, Dick, I would have been like, nah, but you went butthole and now I'm thinking... Yeah. That could be right. Robble.

Get back there, robble. Look what he's got right there. Oh, there you go. No comments yet. Oh, he's losing sprinkles. He's eating that butt hole. Outside. Outside.

Outside. He's probably on his lunch break. Is he wearing an apron? Yeah, he's working. This guy's cut the deli. He works at the donut shop. You imagine you're an employer and you see that. You're like, damn?

You're like, is that a Christmas? Damn! Damn! Fuck you do it, man. I'm on lunch, man. It says good, baby. Yeah, we got it. Yeah.

No, no, please not again. Give me a dozen old. Yeah. Give me a dozen classes, man. This guy's whole thing is tongue fucking food on the internet He's got a following. How many followers is yet?

Oh my God. 122. I mean, that's solid for this content. Are there tons of posts like this? Yeah. Looks like it. Wow, it's all... They're always one-note ponies, these guys.

Yeah. They got one thing on their ring. That's kind of cute. Oh, wow. He's still... Oh, man. What is that? A peach or is that?

No, it's an orange, people. You ever seen your kids? No. My daughter's never done that. You good, Unk? Hell no. People are like, what the fuck? It's halftime at the soccer game.

This guy's over not doing his videos off to the side and shit, out in public. All right, kids, let's go. Who was that? Because that's always the question. grapes like what are you doing man I'm making my content he's consistent like that's the other thing

he's consistent that's all it takes is consistency it's consistency over time yeah but they there's another homeless guy oh boy there's a few he keeps hitting up right those are oh there's a bunch oh my god they're all knotted off on oh he's sentinel

you guys turned on by my shit he's like y'all hey there's someone like finger in own ass, who's that? What's that guy's doing? He's reaching down, grabbing his ass. He's reaching down, grabbing his ass. Who put this donut back here?

Yeah, what's that? What? What? Why is he? That person is just out. You're dead. Jesus. Look at this, though.

He's like sort of documenting these heroin, the plight of everything going on in the city, and then all the a sudden it switches to just tongue fucking food. Like one day he's like, you know, enough of this bullshit. Yeah. Where is the different? Where is the switch? This could be you. Oh, okay.

Mm, cinnamon waffle. But he had the lid on. You got the lid on. He had the little. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, baby. Oh, mm.

Oh, God. Can you turn this one? Remind me who I used to do this too. Someone wrote, this just gave me a yeast infection. Jesus Christ, brush your tongue. Yes, I had that thought, too. It's dirty, bro. God damn, dude.

Oh, you're nasty. No. Stop. But you're right. He goes from, like, recording the plight of huge. humanity to like, girl, I'm going to lick you like a wobble. You're like, this is terrible. This guy's bent in half, dead asleep here, addicted to heroin, man.

Next one's like, a la, la, la, la, la. His first one is somebody nodded out. Oh, fuck, you, boy, you want to. Oh, fuck. Oh, no likes on that, no comments. Mary had a little lamb who snorted, a lot of coke. everywhere that Mary went He's got an apron

The cocaine was sent to go Okay, so so far there's no food there That's the second post Third Oh shit It's a rubber bag It's a banana pepper Wait but what's third?

I think it's a banana pepper Yep He just went right to it You know what bug Oh his tongue is disgusting Okay, all right Got it, next Next, next

Well, it's just cool to see how artists evolve Like what are they like? Yeah, you know, artists like yourself Yeah, yes, thank you. You've noticed my work. You want to even and out with a lady, so here's a lady. Please, please. Do you fucking Ken and Barbie

Eat my fucking shit as you die? Deceitful ugly Ken and Barbie Eat my shit as you die there you go i like her eyes like well she's missing an eye is that slam poetry what was i don't know i feel like she's ramping up for a big night tonight here's another thing i'm realizing i know from living in los angeles that they give the homeless phones you know this no i didn't know oh yeah homeless all all the homeless that used to live right out back of my old building they all have cell phones i'm like what the fuck

they get a cell phone why who are they calling who provides the phone the city i guess i really don't look into it, but I know that they all get phones because they all have phones and they're working phones. And I don't know if it's so they can do their programs or whatever. You can look it up. These people need to stop getting fucking phones. That's what this is.

I'm sure that guy, does that guy before look like he's a normal fucking guy? That guy's not paying a bill. How is he paying a bill? He's getting pudding cups and fruit. That's all shit you can get free somewhere. There's nothing I saw him make

There's no steak No There's not even any hand There's no Where's the McDonald's Yeah Where's the McDonald's He don't have money

He's getting free shit Here we go Look Oh no Federal Lifeline program What's it say? Provides free or discounted phone And internet service

To eligible low income households Including those experiencing Homelessness Isn't that awesome? Yeah The Federal Lifeline program But why So they could do

videos like this corny videos I want to make a video of me eating an orange this lady's scary yeah that voice too the eye the tea shit no she's cool

don't you guys talk shit about she's a witch dude you know you I believe that you brought up steak have you seen this like you know there's all these different

phobias that there's one where like people have this fear of like how foods might feel or taste to them this guy is doing

shit like this I have an extreme fear of trying new foods, and today I'm trying steak. This guy's in his 30s. I don't know why, but this freaks me out. My biggest concern is that... You're a Phillies fan? This is going to be very chewy. I think I've said before that I don't do well with chewy.

It is chewy, you're right. The smell is really strong. Steak. Where the fuck have you been on here? You never smell the steak? you've been to a cookout motherfucker that appealing I feel like that's a big piece but

but it doesn't look good I will say in all fairness like yeah you're going to do it's gagging for steak steak dude he's like oh my why is it anger at me so much

but it looks like it was boiled it doesn't look good you're right you're right nasty it's bothering you because you're a father this is unacceptable This is unacceptable. I want to punch this man. Where is this man's father?

That's fine, where the phobia came from. Yeah, for sure. You're 100% right. Well, well. The homeless guy? He had a dad. He had a dad. He definitely had a dad.

He smelled steak before. My dad loved me. I did it. You like it. You like it? I did it. I did it. I can't believe I swallowed that.

That's awesome. Wow, that's a big victory. I swallowed it. I swallowed it. That's awesome. What is he eating? I don't. I swallowed it.

I did it. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. No, steak, bro. Please put this in a gay porn. That was scary. Please put this under a gay porn. A six out of ten. Six out of ten.

Steak! You're right, though. It does. It looks like one of those people that used to broil a steak back. throw it in the bottom of the oven and shit yeah that doesn't look like a good one this is avoidant restrictive food intake disorder i've dealt with this you have my daughter is a picky eater and she's she's not like this is ridiculous yeah she's not scared of of food but she's like if she wants mac and cheese it's got to be annie's white mac and cheese she ain't fucking around

craver so it's i'll eat it but it's i want this particular one and it's a comfort thing so we i went to we talked to a doctor about it and stuff and her brother was the same way okay he's a very picky eater but he but then he would eat like salmon and things but he was just these things that he liked he's like an oCD yeah sounds like a control thing what could we do and they were like this is the best part they're like nothing they're going to grow out of it they said they said most times what happens and this is the beauty of life still is like your kids are going to get the high school they're going to be hanging out with all their friends and their friends are going to look at and be like that's what the fuck you eat

and start clowning them like you don't eat hot dogs you know what I mean and they're gonna be oh my and then they're either gonna fucking start eating hot dogs or gonna be this fucking guy

yeah okay so this guy just never had this guy never had friends or a dad right here this guy's raised probably by three women and a grandma

I'm saying over here and no one could cook no one bullied this motherfucker no brothers to fuck them up not even a sister to be like listen you pussy

I feel like you'd have been a great sister for this guy you know like listen you little fucking pussy eat the We're grilling the steak tonight, okay? You'll like it.

Unreal. I know. It's so good to bully just a little. You need it. Like, there's this great. Listen, also, it's not bully. Bullying is a relentless thing. Tough love has been turned into bully.

You need a little swift kick in the air. We all need it. There's not one of us that can look back on that and go, I didn't need that. Of course. You know. Have you seen that video where it's a bunch of cholo's and they're just giggling, laughing in their car as they drive past a bunch of nerds in their furry outfits.

It's like the most simple. It was just like old school shit like, they're not saying anything. They're just like Cholo's laughing at a fucking nerd. At furries. At furries, dude. And it was like, oh God. It feels so good.

Whatever, guys. Fuck you guys. Fun coyote running over there. But it's like, yeah, you should be a little ashamed. Like you should try to conceal your weirdness. a little, right? Don't go walking in certain neighborhoods. Also, you know, you know.

If you have this, it's also, it's okay. Yeah. Keep it off the fucking internet. What are you doing? Don't tell you. You have a mental illness on top of it. You know what I mean? You have a mental illness on top of it.

Like, guy, I'm scared of potato chips, but I'm going to sit down and eat these guys. Say, oh, guy, what the fuck are you doing? Just eat them scared in your house. Yeah. I know. It's like the people who are having a nervous breakdown and then they stop and get a phone to cry in front of the phone and then post the video that's insane like what the

crying what are you guys guys and it's guys i can't believe what's happening right now yeah they're here taking my child right now my child's being taking i'm doing these food videos and they're taking my children yeah the most vulnerable moment down to help the fucking kids i'm going lot guys i'm going live i can get some good engagement off of these tears yeah literally can you even the last time i cried that's the last thing in my my heart like i should reach for my phone i mean in the last six months it's been every other day probably i ain't fucking streaming it you know what i'm saying i was having a little power cry and i'm done you know i mean we keep that for us why aren't you using it for likes you know yeah why are you

i use it for hate stuff i feel like so hey first of all congrats on the special we haven't even said that. Thank you guys. Congratulations. Thank you very much. It's on your YouTube channel right now. Streaming right now. Go watch it now. Live and alive on my YouTube. Shot in LA? Nope. Self-produced again and shot at Comedy on State in Madison. Oh, in Massachusetts. You know one of the greatest clubs in the country comedy on state. Yes, the best. So yeah, I did two shows there and it was awesome. I was worried because I had never been there. I didn't get there until November the year before. And then I started talking. Jesse and all the guys working there, and they're like, you know, we're doing this.

And I was like, I want to do it. I want to do it here then. And I was worried I wouldn't sell tickets. And the fans fucking came through, man. It was Tom Papa next door that night. They had Stavros, Trevor Wallace, and Samarillo coming in at the theater all in that same week. Wow. And you still comedy on State Madison, Wisconsin still showed up and showed out, sold out two shows. We shot it. Very different from my last special. And it's all about, you know, everything that happened and then the aftermath and I thank you in there by the way I talked about our conversation in the hospital um I also um told our meeting Brad Pitt story my version of what happened and um I also want to thank you all jokes aside for real because listen I'm going to

get emotional no no it's okay can't believe I'm crying let me get my phone out somebody Like, it's some ice street. We got cameras. Guys, you got everything rolling. I'm crying at a hamburger costume. No. When I got out of the hospital, I'm on a walker. I can't do a lap around my pool.

I can't do anything. I'm high on fucking drugs the whole time in there. And I'm Amazon and like a motherfucker. Yeah. I'm just, I'm PayPal and people I didn't know. And they didn't send it back. I'm just sending money. I'm like, who?

No. And I get home and there's so much shit in my apartment and I'm in the single dad place at the time. I don't have AC. I got to go outside to do laundry and quarters. I'm a very clean person. Yeah. I've always been a clean person. I like my place clean.

I like it orderly. And I couldn't get up to help myself. And you sent me cleaning ladies who came over and cleaned my place and were so sweet. And thank you. I can't tell you how much. Like, I'm just laying on a couch feeling like a fucking loser watching these people clean. I can't go out. I can't, you know what I mean?

Like, I would have loved to have been like, I'll let you ladies clean and I'll go out and do something. I'm just laying around. They're just cleaning around me and shit. I'm like, oh, God, this is terrible. So thank you. I'm sad that I couldn't be there in person. But I'm glad we could help from Texas. And I'm so happy that you're back and that you're with us today.

I've got a new special. you've resurrected yourself the phoenix has risen from the ashes ral lifting everything i'm feeling yeah hamburger rises you went through it man you really went through it we both did christina i did till i got misaline hold on man i'm sorry yeah man that's gonna talk about it that's got hurt your three of us yeah we did the three of us yeah you know we went through it you had your spinal issue you had cancer but i my teeth were fucking that shit sucked no yeah yeah well listen you guys you guys have the best fans they they always treat me well i want to say thank you to the mom he's out there because i know you're going to go watch i know you're going to fucking support like you always do but

i want to thank them too because i see sometimes you guys put polls up and you're like who's your favorite guest and everything and i fucking go look because i'm competitive and wow these motherfuckers throw ryan sickler up okay way more than i thought yeah and i'm like oh damn all right so thank you Thank you all. Check out the special. You got to watch the special live and alive on my YouTube streaming now. Honeydew, way back,

Ryan Sickler.com, Ryan Sickler and all your social media. Ravel, robble. We do have the best fans, though. We're so hashtag blessed. There's nobody better than a mommy. Nope. They're always fucking cool.

We went to, when we were in Florida, shout out to Harrison, our guy that hooked us up in our hotel. Like the coolest. Yes. Like we ended up hanging out with them. The end of the trip.

Because there's a mommy. That's how you know right away. You're like, oh, you're fucking cool. Because you like guys that lick pudding cups and you like to laugh at people that have severe mental illnesses. We walked in and he's like, oh, this is, you know, the lobby. You can get your coffees over here. He goes, burnt pretty fat, huh? Hell yeah.

He slipped in it like that. Yeah. I love it too because I'll go to like, I'll go to a club and somebody will come up to me or I'll have my daughter out with me at the mall. And somebody come up. I'm like, love you and YMH man. That guy tongue. fucking those pudding cups. I'm like, thanks, guys.

Appreciate that, mom. And she's like, thank you. Last time my daughter came with me to promote the last special and you guys had her screening calls for Dr. Drew. She's like, dad, this same guy kept calling using different voices trying to trick us. I was like, Jesus Christ. The Drew calls. That's what we're screening.

She's hip. I got some horrible hilarious to show you. you tell me what you think oh shit oh he's gonna be in the hospital like I was for three-bo-b-b-bong

oh shit oh that back's done his back is he in a clan outfit he has a space man he's the grand wizard it kind of looks like it or is he a beekeeper

he broke two stick us all massive. Two vertebrain his back. Fuck. Broke. Yeah. Once you start breaking back bits, too, it's not good. Here's the other thing.

Don't break your back. Shit. No one love that guy enough to say, okay, let's say you hit the ball perfectly. Where are you going after that? Like, what's the plan then? Are you going to try to just, you think you're just going to casually, like, jump off and walk out of that? Are you going to flip? Like, there's no good ending to that.

There's no pad for him to land on. Can we see it again, please? Yeah. He didn't even touch the ball. He didn't do. No, he fucking missed it, brew. Okay, you ready? This guy walking in the back.

She walks away. She's like, I got to get out of here. I got to get out of here. I'm a space invader. And this is where you lay that. I swallowed it. It wasn't that bad. I swallowed it.

Right after that sound of it. Six out of ten. okay it's kind of hilarious if you do it like that here's the thing though he's wearing like a kid's costume yeah he was doing a bit he was doing it as a bit because that man oh yeah that's yeah that's here yeah deserve it just go it holy shit that was horrible weight anyway your outfit's terrible and you're fat that's what he's telling you guy right here over top of you fat man carologherville you fat you fat Carl Lagerfeld comes to hell

And your outfit sucks Your fat, your outfit is terrible You deserve everything you get It's kind of making sense to me Now knowing you all these years This has sort of been your inner voice Kind of huh Of course

Really putting it all to go Oh my God Oh my God listen When I was recovering from my top surgery You know my last procedure Not the browlift No this is after my brawlift I had my tits redone

You know from cancer And then I got deep into him And I was like What is it about a German Self-loathing All's everybody fat, workaholic, OCD, asexual, homosexual. He's just a freak show. And at the time, I totally connected.

I don't know. That's who you connect to, huh? Self-loathing. I don't know. It really tickled me. You healed me. Lagerfeld's healed me. I can't explain it.

Why do you resonate? Why do you think I resonated with Lagerfeld in that time? Maybe because he was a freak and I felt like a freak, having just had surgery, you know? Well, yeah, you're definitely not. your normal self. I mean, if we're going to talk about it for real for a second, like parts of you that came into this world are no longer here. Yeah, I'm an amputee. You're a different, I never even looked at it like that. That's what you are. You, you're, you're an amputee. Are ladies who go through, uh, mastectomy? Yeah. That's an amputee. I mean, you, I never looked at. I always

thought of amputee would be just, just limbs. Just leg or limb, yeah. No, well, my therapy. Titties are limbs? Yeah, it's a part of your body that's no longer with you. I never thought of that either. Never even knew that. What if you get one? Are you jealous? Are you jealous? now? I mean, it's just kind of like, ugh. You don't think it's hot? I mean, it's gone. Yeah, but then I had my stomach fat made into my tits.

So I have tits again. And I'm hot again. And I got a tummy tie. You look great. You look great. And I told you those mommy makeovers are killer. They're great. Can I tell you?

I used to be not against plastic surgery, but I wouldn't understand it. And now I'm like, go get it fixed. Go fucking go get surgery. Fix it. You don't like your fat stomach? Make it nice. There's a lot of men that are now doing it. I know, but not good.

A lot of them are not good. You got to pay for the good stuff. Notable actors are getting it and you're like... It's going to be a while before somebody finds the Demi Moore, Chris Jenner plastic surgeon in the mail field. You know what I mean? It's going to be a minute before they do that. Well, whoever's did Brad Pitt's face is good. You guys are friends with him.

Just texting them. I love you, him all. He looks great. But there's other actors. We don't have to name them. No, he don't look great. No, and it's fucked because if you have so much. money you should just pay for the best. I used to write promos for Dr. 90210. I was telling you this back in the

day and I hated it. I would cover my eyes and I'd be screaming with headphones on, just at my desk going, no, no! And they're like, watch a Dr. 902101. I'm like, yeah, I hated it. Yeah. The nose jobs were the brute. I had no, I didn't know how violent they are when you're out. The, the, the, the, the, the, that's aggressive. God, I had no idea, but. Yeah, I can't wait for that. And I saw, and Most of those guys were working, they were trying to fix a botch job. So they're coming in and they're like, I'm going to do the best I can for you. It was a lot of what I was seeing. But the mommy makeovers, every one of them, were so fucking well done.

Even back then that I even told you when I was like, good for you. Because that's the one surgery I saw again and again where I was like, this consistently looks good. Yeah. So good for you. Yeah. My stomach is flat for the first time. and I have got boobs again because I put that fat into my chest

and then now I have to go back for a revision and then I can probably light bow my thighs too So yeah that's why you're fucking That's why you resonate with them Because you're like look man I'm not the same person And all you can fuck yourself It's two middle fingers from here on out

You're fat You're not fat anymore You know I'm like eastbound and down What's his fucking name? That's why I feel like Kenny Powers Kenny Powers yeah I don't give a shit I'm so broken Oh.

Oh, God, no. Poor horse. This is back-to-back paralyzations. That is fucking. That is a horse, right? Do you know what the aftermath says? What? They're stating that man is still alive.

That's just it, alive. With, you know, sucking on a straw. Holy shit. Holy shit. What is a horse way? What's an average horse way? A ton. Is it 2,000 pounds?

No. 10 tons? 10 tons? A ton is 2,000 pounds. What's the average weight of a grown-ass horse? A thousand pounds. Half a ton. Okay.

Yeah. Because they're evil. But all it's, like that horse went up. That's all its weight. It's like, I'm going to go. Oh, man. I used to do that to my brother when he jumped on my back. Oh, yeah.

Oh, man. That horse did that before. That horse is a fun. Because that horse wants to kill people. Horses are killers. That horse looked like it was geared. up. Like, let me get a good foot. Holy shit. The horse knew that the mud was slippery too. The horse knew. The horse knew and that's why I wanted to kill that man. He's like some

slippery mud hair. Oh, the horses are. Let me see it one more time. Wait, does it get, does that where it ends? Does he get up? No, it just ends right there. Oh, we don't see how pushed down in the mud he is. Dude, that guy's got to have, he's got to be covered. Everything, everything. He's still alive, everybody. He's alive. How's he doing? I said he's alive. He's alive. He's alive. He's alive. Last day, he's alive. Still breathing. Above ground, that bullshit. Still above ground. Like, he's in the ground.

We had to pull him out of the ground. He's above it. Half a ton of horse. And it slams on him. It's like, with force. Not just like, oh, a horse tipped over. He jumped on.

He jumped up. So that's even like a WW. Yeah, for real. That is 100% of wrestling moves. So all the bones are probably his ribs are shattered. He's probably collapsed. Powder bones. That's what they call him now.

Like your wig, a powder wig. Yeah, well, fuck him. That is fucking stupid horse. All right, let me help you out. Oh, no. Is it solder? Oh, shit. That thing's going.

Oh, Jesus. What's he doing? He's trying to hold a tree. Oh, shit. What the fuck? Did the chainsaw cut her? No. Was it a chainsaw moving?

That's what it looked like. No, because when it swung, it has a emergency cut off. Yeah, cut off. God, that's what I was worried. That guy does not look like he'd have a chainsaw with an emergency control. You know what I mean? This guy looked like, I got a vest in the car.

I can cut this day. Holy shit. No one got hurt in this one. Oh, please. That's what it says. No injuries. No electricity. I was waiting for that thing. I know. I was really waiting for like everyone to die. I thought that's what we were going to see. That was like a fake out. I saw one the other day. I saw a torture video the other day

on Instagram. Bro. You're watching this? Listen, your husband sends me my fucking Twitter feed my excuse me Instagram feed is literally people getting murdered Yeah I don't day to day Somebody walking up like this YN shooting out this cop And I'm like what the fuck This old lady in the grocery store

Shooting this guy with a fucking flare gun in the face I'm like Jesus It's every day Babe what do you think my life is with this psychopath I'm drifting off to sleep the other night And I wake up a little bit to this part of the Ed Gein news story on Netflix where I'm sure it's the spoiler alert all you fucking sickos

that are watching this show where he's wearing his mommy's lingerie and masturbating and I'm like this is what you're putting in your head before you go sleep by. Just as you drift a lot of land he's in the bra and panties he's like choking himself and he's laughing look at him L-O-L. Yeah

it's so fucking dark I can't why do you like this I just can't get it man and always before bed right and then during the day he sending you things of people being murdered. So it's 24-7. Dying on carnival rides, murders.

It's not just nighttime. Now it's now it's clicking for me. I'm worried. I've seen some of this already, but I haven't. These are all good. These are all good. Honestly, no offense. Tom would have never sent me this one right here. Nothing happened. This is one he would never send him. Let me tell you so, clear, it could be worse.

He could send you worse shit. He does. No. He does. And he's talking about stuff that gets him fired up. And it's not. So you have different categories. He's a whole different category. Do you remember the time I was featuring for you in Indianapolis? Do you remember this?

I thought you were going to say India. I was like, you guys went to India. Crackers. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. And we shared a condo together. And you were like, hey, check this out. Do you remember this?

What was it? And we sat down on a couch side by side and you put a laptop in front of me. And it starts with just a glass. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just watching it like, what the fun? And then this. guy comes in and you know what yeah and he sits on it you think i didn't live with this guy and then it breaks yeah and he's the pulling pieces audio is on yeah he's pulling shards out casually yeah he and if

you look he's got scars everywhere it's not his first rodeo and i'm just screaming so much blood like if that was me i'm calling 911 not this guy you hear the glass hitting the floor and the whole time what i don't know is he's recording a reaction video and I didn't know that that was big that was remember two girls one cup but then the reaction videos got super popular and I'm just screaming like I did that I did that same video to my dad

when I was at visiting them I had my dad watching and he was like oh shit he's like you don't know oh no damn what the hell's wrong with this guy and then I did it to I did it to my sisters that they all they both flipped out I don't think I did it it to Charo though you did it to Charo

did I do it to Sharro You did it, Tacharo. You did it in Florida. I remember we were in Florida. That's not a good one for her. Ryan, he shows me that when we were living in our, like, shitty one-bedroom apartment.

We were newlyweds. And I was like, did I, yeah. I'm like, did I just marry the fucking craziest person? I'm tied to you for life now. And then you go in and the juxtaposition is John Goodman's over the shitter. So great. This is why you guys are meant to be together right there.

That's why you're meant to be together. Oh, thanks. How about this one? I got one more for you. Uh-oh Uh-oh Oh shit Oh shit

Oh my Oh that fell on Just too fat obviously She's hurt The girl under Got hurt She's concussed And her

Like her neck Let's see that again She hit She hit hard As fuck on that girl The one underneath broke her leg She broke her leg

Yeah Yeah Let's see it again Let's see it again Let's see it again Just dropping on you bro That's a lot of worse again.

Yeah, I was going to say. So she gets smacked into her. There's the leg break. Oh, I saw it that time. It was the angle. What was the prize for this game that this lady got fucked up so bad?

She also, like, clearly you didn't get the chair. Like, she straight up just fucking knocks somebody out of the chair. I think if it was just these two ladies left, she ain't getting on that chair. You know what I'm saying? Like, why are you fighting for it you weren't fitting on it if you go back and watch again watch she hits the

blue lady first and that lady's like oh see if go back to the beginning of it again right here I think she tries to get on this chair watch the lady in the blue looks like she gets like squeezed oh see looks like she leaned into her oh god that leg is gone you hear the scream there that scream is her leg breaking

how yeah pissed are you how fucking mad are you at this fat bitch fucking do you know what I mean oh yeah if there's any time to channel that fucking inner voice. My God. Could you imagine if she just switched that voice like,

you fat piece of shit? You fat piece of shit. Bro, I don't think I could be friends with somebody that broke my leg like that. I would have to be like, we're done. We're done, homie. Well, like, you fucked up my, you broke my leg, like for a fucking musical chair?

You could be friends with somebody that was in regular shape that took any game like that, that aggressively that. broke your fucking leg, let alone 400 pounds coming down on that. My little kids take this game this seriously. Like three adult women?

Does she get up after that? I don't know. No way. This just, yeah. This looks like a church hallway and shit too. Like, what is? These people are nerds. They deserve it. These chicks should know not to play with her too. You don't play games like that with someone that big.

Like, no, no, no, you're the champ. That's what you tell her. This is a champ right here. We don't ever even play with it. You know what the other problem is with these fingerless gloves? that your palms sweat but the tips stay dry i'm not sure if he liked that maybe he liked that that might be the the luke yeah i mean it's the fucking miagi yeah because it's creating moisture in places i don't i'm not used to all right and i'm just thinking to myself damn i have a high sex drive like a bunny rabbit yeah only problem is i got no one the fuck that's the only problem

that's it that's the only problem everything else is awesome everything else is great Yeah, everything's cool, except for that. I'm Ryan, and I want to be recognized by some of the hottest women here on Instagram. Oh, cool. So spread the word. You got it. I wouldn't turn the volume down on the TV if you're doing the videos. Yeah.

Yeah, but Ryan's doing his thing, man. He's doing all right. I mean, it's, listen, last time I was here, he loved black chicks, right? Yeah. That's right. And these are two back-to-back videos where he doesn't mention it, so has he moved on? I don't know. If you get burned enough, maybe sometimes you go, I have a new reference.

I don't know, though. Hey, hot take, men generally like what they like. They don't deviate, do they? I thought your boner is just programmed for what it likes. True. Can you switch what your boner wants? I don't think you could switch what your boner wants, but I don't think everyone's boners the same forever.

Yeah. Yeah. Your boner can evolve. Well, it needs to, because if you're a teenager. Well, I mean... Oh, right. You better evolve. But I'm saying, like, can you go from liking black women your whole life?

And then one day you wake up and you're like, you know what? It's Asians. I'm actually into Asians. I mean, I guess you could. But is that what I... It's not like that for me. What if he starts getting some attention from a group? Then he goes, oh, maybe I am into it.

Just because he's getting the attention, you know? Oh, so it's just whatever's available. I never understood any man that was like, I'm not really in the black girl. or Asians or whatever, I'm like, look at yourself. Why are you eliminating the pool for yourself? You know what I mean? Like, nah, I just need a blonde lady

that's, you know, five, six. Size zero to two, orally. Why are we doing that? I don't know. I think for me, it's, I don't know, personality is a huge thing, obviously. Yeah. That's the best part.

And then, you know, I don't know. I've been with different ladies that, for different types. Different types. You don't have, like, one aesthetic type. I'm just saying personality aside like one aesthetic type a look no that your boner just goes yep no that's my look no like uh like all dominicans are my thing yeah no no what about you boner killer no i mean boners you know they're they're just like different treats in the night you know you

different treats in the night you just pick up a treat and you like oh i got a boner yeah yeah we'll get your dick hard car yeah what about you car about you car i like dandies he had a little dandy boyfriend, this cute little French kid. Do you think you'd be into that? No, you know, no, too fay. Yeah. I like whatever Tom is. Like I like kind of

beefy. Can I bring this up? You can cut this out if you want to. You say that though, but prior to Tom, I believe you dated an Asian guy. Did you not? For five years. Oh, see, I didn't know it was that long. So, so. Bickna. But did you date Tom's type prior

to the Asian guy? Like, what was your high school type. Were you goth guys then? Yes, goth guys. Was that it though? You know, like I got to have a goth boyfriend or would you have gone with a jock even though you were a goth? I would never go with a jock. Never. So. A bad bitch, nigga.

Yeah. My aesthetic type, here's what I like, blue eyes. I always liked blue eyes. That was always what I was a sucker for. Dark hair. I don't like fucking blondes. Well, that's different. Yeah. Aesthetically. And then, but the personality, I'm like you,

personality trumps all so i don't i didn't it's not the package it's it's not the case it's the whole thing for me yeah i'm way over being like oh that that that lady's hot that lady's a fucking asshole yeah you know what i mean like i don't even give a shit yeah because i think as a woman too your your your hat you're blessed to be selective right especially if you're somewhat attractive woman you've got your you pick and i knew the boys that were really really like traditionally good looking were players like the guys that had the game and everything I just didn't trust them

personality does trump everything though for sure because every beauty fades I probably shouldn't say this sure being the hamburger but I do prefer cheeseburgers if I'm being honest I probably shouldn't say it ruin my whole brand but robble that's my sight

so I have just arrived at cafe bitch nigga is that real needs And I'm very excited for what's to come. So when you first walk in, you know, it's actually very clean. Like it doesn't give, you know, cafe bitch niggias. It doesn't give. Hi.

Hi, how are you? Can I ask you, how do you pronounce the name of the cafe? A cafe bitchen. Um, are these like the little pants? Yes I can get you that for free This is our name Cafe Bikn

There you go Have you seen the college kids With the last name Oh yeah Noah Have you seen that? No Beckner That guy's gonna have

He's gonna have some merch and dice Oh yeah He has merch already He does? Yeah Oh yeah Well what is it It's a

His last name is K-N-I-G-G-A There he is There he is. He's a white guy. He's a white guy. Apparently, he balls out, too. He's a linebacker.

He's decent. Yeah. There he is. You'd think you'd change the last. You'd think you would. I'm sure you don't pronounce it like that. You're supposed to say the k. This is one of the versions where the K is not silent.

You know what I mean? This is not night. But he's definitely. K-N-I-G-H-T. I'm going to take a rep, like a guess, just say he's in the South, which is why no one. Where's the school? That wouldn't happen in California. I think so.

Where is he from? What's a college? Eastern Michigan. There was a kind of a popular meme when he was getting recruited that people would say like, you know, we need to beef up our defense. And then they would tag him and they'd go, I think I know a nigger. And then they would post that on. Yeah. Is that right?

Yeah, I know what. It's kind of perfect. Yeah. Yeah, he's at Eastern Michigan Oh, he's a Spartan Yeah, Spartan That's pretty wild, dude Yeah, brooch

I don't know, dude Yeah, he's from Lawrenceburg, Indiana Yeah Everybody knows him in college ball, man Everybody knows him That's amazing It's pronounced I don't even want to say it

Okay Ney Ney Isnam Kanan Canega? I don't see the A. The athlete his family have clarified, despite the parent, is not pronounced like that. It is hard K, Knaiga.

Nah. This is a lie. What in what fucking language? Well, yeah, it's that, it's that so that you can get through life. Yeah, that's why they changed it. Canega. His dad has gone through this his whole life. Could you imagine meeting Tom and that's his last day?

No. Couldn't date. Wouldn't date. God, I've got to fucking marry this guy. I wouldn't. He's got blue eyes and dark hair, though. I know. I know.

Caney? Fuck, dude. Just call him Noah. Noa. Yeah. I'm Noah. Noa, yeah. A big gna?

Noa. What can I say? I understand Hitler. Oh. But I'm, I think he did some wrong things. Yes, absolutely. But I can see him sitting in his bunker in the end. He's like, what?

There will come a point at the end of this. Oh, I really wanted to be a Jew and I, and then I found out that I was really a Nazi. Nice. It's Lars von Trier, everybody. Wow. Oh, I didn't realize. What the hell is that? Is that a film?

Yeah, he's at a can. Melancholia, yeah. That's an old movie. Yeah. That's an old one. What can I say? I bet I understand Hitler. She's like, she's like, please stop.

Yeah, she's like, I'm in this movie. I'm sitting right next. to you. This is Mike Myers with Kanye when he's like, George Bush hates people. I promise there's a point at the end. Nobody needs it. What's that point? You don't have to share your thoughts. What's the point? But this movie

came out. The point is I found out I'm a Nazi. Oh, it's Kirsten Dunst. He's sitting next to him. Poor girl. She's like, could you shut the fuck up? And she's German. Yeah, his latest announcement. I'm a Nazi and I understand Hitler. He also jokingly claimed he was writing a four-hour long hardcore porn film um it would be said contain a lot of very very unpleasant sex

the nods remarks were jestingly made in response to a question about his german roots would probably spell career suicide if uttered outside the rarefied atmosphere of the can film festival and indeed may yet okay just also go fuck yourself with the rarefied so so the canned film festivals where we can say whatever the fuck we went now all of a sudden not comedy clubs or internet or anywhere else now we got to go there to fucking be racist and fucking garbage. You know what the French are though. They're all so open about to

everything. The French. They let all the sex offenders go live there. I don't know. How long are you in Austin for? I'm leaving tonight. Well, you know, you still have time to go by the dollar tree if you want to check that out. There's a good one here. There's a good one here. Yeah, it's right on the ground.

Because I put the button that made me shit. He caused my tracks. I have diabetes. I'm calling the police. Where's the shit? It's on the walkway there. Oh. Right near a footlocker there. Shut the phone up your nasty ass too.

Yeah. Did she say I pushed the button and it made me shit? I have diabetes. I'm calling the police. That's a hell of a run right there. Bitcha caca Bitch, go inside and get some dollar toilet paper and wipe your fucking ass. I work for the government. Right there by subway.

She said I work for that. Yeah. Unreal. These the people. I push the button. It made me. I don't, what's the logic there? Which button makes her shit? What's the shit button? Oh, man.

I don't know. The door button? I don't understand. Which button makes her shit, huh? Smelling like fricking like ficka caca. Have you ever really gotten close to one in public? Yeah. Dangerously close to a shit?

Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Wait, shitting myself? I mean like where you got to do like a lady like that. Close. Wait, what do you mean? Like where you took a shit and someone caught you?

Like you're almost about to shit. Yeah. Or you shit in public. Have you ever had to you? Oh, I mean, I've sharded. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

On a plane. I sharded on a plane on, plane to Africa because I had tacos at the Atlantic airport. How long is a flight? It's like, 80 hours. How early into it did you shop? It was right after the dinner service and we were going to take a nap. And now I just, yeah, I just sharded. And then I was like, fuck, dude, I went in the bathroom.

But thankfully, I had an extra pair of underwear and my carry on because I was a season traveler. And you never. just check it all in. So I had an extra underwear, and I was okay on the way to Africa. But don't eat tacos on an international flight. If I could suggest one thing to you today. She went to the International Terminal,

pre, about to board a 15-hour flight from Atlanta, Johannesburg. And she's like, do you want to get tacos? I'm good. I'm pretty good right now. She was like, those tacos, hmm. An hour later, she's like, I shit, myself. I ship myself on the plane, yeah But that's why you should always take an extra pair of chums

And sweatpants on the plane You actually, that's a really good thing It's true And they don't fly like that? Shout out to Jeff Tate, I travel with wet wipes all the time now Oh, that's huge The first wet wipe person I really encountered in life was actually you

You were the one who taught me back in like in Sherman Oaks I was like, oh yeah you think you're clean This is how you fucking know you're clean And then I was just like, okay, but then every time I was on the road with Tate, if I was like, I got to the venue, I was like, I think I got a shit. He'd reach in his back. He'd go, here you go. And I go, what? He's like, don't you want wipes?

And I was like, oh, yeah. And then it finally took a few times before I started traveling with them. It's a little travel pattern. I dated a girl from Argentina years and years. I remember that. And she was the one that told me that. And she said the same thing to me. She goes, you think your ass is clean?

Go in there and take one of these baby wipes. And I was like, oh my God. All these years? Why are we using dry fucking pants? It's disgusting. People say it all the time. If you had shit on your arm, you wouldn't take a dry napkin and just do that.

It'd be like, I'm good for the day. I'm good now. My ass is a little bit. A little bit. I'm good. So yeah, I'm baby wipes all the way, man.

Hell yeah. Well, we are our Toto Washlet household exclusively. I like the spray in my ass. I get that too, but I spray and I baby wipe after. What? Oh, there's a nice scent to it. That's crazy. Because here's a deal, man.

Because you know someone's face can be, I used to work a day. job one time a writing job and we didn't have any we had one toilet and it was a small thing and everyone knew who was going and i was like i can't sit here all day with shit my ass and we didn't have baby wipes so i swear to god i would use i think your dad used them the lysol wipes yeah yeah oh i would take those with bleach on them get back there and clean my ass bleach you're not supposed to you're definitely it tingles yeah it's a tingle you're not supposed to it's a different tingle than a shit tingle i'll tell you that it's definitely a different thing it makes you feel alive you're

It's like smelling salts. It's like a little firecracker to the ass. But don't the wipes clog your plumbing? I have a trash can. They 100% clogged. Even the ones they say aren't. Dude, you put, hold on. No, no, no.

Listen to what he just fucking said. No, you don't forget who you're talking to. Bro, you take the shit wipe. Gets wrapped in a bunch of good wipes. We're wasting wipes. So that when it goes in the can, it's not shit, right? What kind of Adam are you? Is this like Mexico, you know, when you go to Mexico and they're like, don't flush the toilet paper down the fucking sewer.

And then you got your shitty-ass toilet paper next to you. Yeah, but you have it in a can. It's in a trash can with a lid. They close it. I don't know, Ryan. What are you talking about? I'm not into this now. Listen, you're trying to reason with an unreasonable person.

You're flushing them? I would never flush it in my own plumbing. Hold on. But when I travel, I don't give a shit. Oh, yeah. I'm throwing everything in a toilet. I travel. I'll flush in match packs.

You know what I don't care. I'm just going, man, they got torque on this one. Oh, yeah. I told it could never do this. Yeah. I'm talking about at your home only. No, not at my home. Right. So what do you do with them then?

I don't use the vet vibe in my own house. Oh, you're saying the water is this. I have the washlet and then I take a dry. I see. Oh. And then, but when we travel and there's no. What do you do with the dry? Just throw it in a hamper?

No. You put it in the toilet. The dry shitty. The dry. And you flush that down. Oh, you just taking dry toilet paper. Yeah. But after your ass has been sprayed down.

For a long time. You do a full cycle. You're not taking a dry washcloth or anything like... Browling. You wouldn't... Like you're sweating. Listen, I color coordinated. This one's...

I travel with it. You travel with your washcloth? No, this one I did. You know what was a game changer for me though? You're so gross. So I would like get on the pores for washcloth use and then it became such a... Well, it became such a conversation that everyone was like, well, you know, try it, try it. Dude, on the road, every hotel that I am in now, I get into the shower with a washcloth.

I use it for the body. That's so gross, man. Because you can, the exfoliating and it feels good and you feel clean. But the main thing is you take a white washcloth, you shove it up inside of your asshole, you scrub, and then you pull it out, and you see brown, and you watch the brown come off the washcloth, and then you do it again for no color. And then you throw it on the ground and somebody picks it up for you. Yeah. Just lay it right there. It's really great.

And now you feel like you have a real clean. Here's the other thing about washcloths. This one, this is a nice one. Yeah. I don't like these. I like the cheaper. That are rougher. Yeah, it's a better, you get a better grip.

You get a better wash out of the, actually clean. Like, I'm talking about the ones that you can get on Amazon, like 30 them for $2. Yeah, yeah. That's not these fucking, this comes in like a set and shit. I've said it before. I'll say it again. You pours were on to something because I really learned. You know what else I got into now?

I get the mitts, the exfoliating. Oh, wow. Those are nice. I get out like to touch myself. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Nice. Hey, may I suggest something to you, Tom?

Yes. This is not a criticism. But I'm just saying that you can get your one cloth, you put it in your ass, the brown is there. Then you can get dispose of that dirty one and just grab a new fresh one because you're at the hotel. You don't need to rinse it out, the brown and then go up again. No, no, no, no. You can use as many as you want. No, no, no, no.

The fun is to watch the color slowly fade. If you just watch it, you're like, oh, they're still, get in there, you fucking, a little bit of brown, and then it fades off, and then you throw it on the ground. Now, some people need a reminder. If you do your ass first and then your eyes next, you can have a problem.

Who's going ass to eyes on their walk, somebody. Assed the eyes. We just enlightened somebody listening. Somebody out there went, shit, I go ass the eye. I'm putting, I'm putting shit flakes in my eyes.

Yeah. Guys got pink eye all this eye. You know, I'm friends with a gay guy, and he just had sex with a man and a woman together. And I go, yeah, like, he buffets a guy. He has badger sex with a girl. And I was like, bro, I hope you did the girl first. And then the guy.

And he's like, of course, I'm not an animal, you idiot. I was like, oh, that's so cool. That's a real, that's a nice story. Thanks for sharing that part. That was kind of neat That was cool Thank you, Christine That was cool

Now Ryan My palms are sweaty You You like a good deal Right Oh Yeah That's why I'm going

To the dollar tree You're gonna go to Picking out And get a meal But you can also For your car needs I'm doing $40

Earl changes You're in Y'all don't forget $40 That's good Yep It comes with a filter $40

$40 Earl changes Earl change. And yes, it comes with the filter. Stop going to them e-rabs. Stop going to pick $80 for Earl change. You hear me? There's no way he can charge that little.

There's no way. There's no way. Come to the black man. No, there's no way. Okay, hold on. Pause us for one second. There's a lot going on. There's a lot going on.

There's Earl. Teeth. What do you call Arabs? E-Rubs? A-Rabs. Yeah. A-Rabs. A-Rabs.

A rap? Yes, A-Rabs. But he wants, okay. Hold on, let's hear. Stop going to them E-Rabs. E-Rabs. I've never heard an E-Rab before. I'm like, use that. He, okay, in his, let's start in his defense.

We'll go positive first. I just had to take my car to like a jiffy lube because the coolant was low. Did you get an earl change too? I didn't. But I asked how much an earl change was. They just said, you only need coolant. And I was like, great, just give me the antifreeze in my radiator and we'll fucking. But what's an old earl change?

change these days. And they said it's like $160. What? What? Yeah. It's a lot of them out. A jiffy loop? At a like jiffy loop. So back in the 90s it was $40. So he's cutting them at a quarter cost. Okay. Which is great. Now, I have learned through life you get what you pay for. That's the thing. Now, play this video real quick. This guy's going to work on our call. Car, excuse me. Play this video again. Don't listen to anything he says. Listen to the pinging and knocks in his car. Listen to his car. This is a great observation. Listen to his car. I'm doing $40

$40 changes, you hear of me? Y'all don't forget $40 ear changes and yep, it comes with a filter. $40 earl changes and yes, it comes

with the filter. Stop going to them Arabs. Stop going to pay $80 for an earl change. You hear me? Stop going to pay 65 for full synthetic.

Come to the black man. You hear me? Yeah. I got the Earl change. That's a $40. Erl change. Rattling. It comes what it feels.

Nick bits, it's pinging and popping. And full synthetic. I got 5.20. I got 5.30. Come on, man. These people don't know how to drive run. You're making fucking promo video. He's holding it too.

It's not mouthed. Listen that car. Yeah. What is that? Your shocks? What is that? Your shocks? Don't pull up and walk in my backyard.

You're going to get bit. Bit by him. How do you get to Earl? How does Earl come from oil? E-A-R-L. Earl. You want to get your Earl change? I don't buy it.

$40 is what it costs to dispose of the oil. Oh, you don't think he's going through the protocol you're supposed to go through? I'm venturing. He just said, don't come in my backyard or you get bit. Yeah. My money is he's dumping out Earl right in that backyard. You're right in that backyard, right in the ground, yeah, that's no good. Cut my costs.

No good. Who also? How many followers does he have? Who is he pitching this to right now? Who is, what is the audience for this? That's fucking amazing. I mean, 40, it's a little. Go, can you pull up his, I see that it's in here.

What's his IG look like? The can of oil is 40. Is it always promos? The filter, too. It comes with a filter. The filter is 2999. he's got a connect or something he's got a stolen 114000 holy shit well there's a lot of earl changes

did he do one does that red car he's a look at the head look at the head lamp on his head on this oh shit oh he's selling them too selling cars the phone number it's a nice car this guy puts the phone number right yeah he has a service what's the lamp on his head down here he's a machin he's a machin he's a machinic I'm all the way under this call checking the suspension

transmission check that suspension on your car lower control arms upper control arms I'm draining the Earl right now there's the Earl it's crazy working out to pronounce everything else

you need some suspension work I'll let you boy I'm gonna put it in there the suspension that's what was fucked in his car 5'0404 6907 3 know the service circle

there you go this is also a guy probably is like I don't work on anything after 95 you're just too new you're too new man that's got 23 computers

on it man I can't fuck with that shit I do Earl change I do Earl owner I rotate your tie oh my God that's amazing 114,000

that's crazy crazy all right are you on tour I will be you will be yes I'm not supposed to say

yeah because they want to announce it okay there will be dates for 2026 for sure already i already have cities locked up for sure we'll announce it ryan sickler dot com is my website for all dates ryan sickler and the main thing though is check out the new special live and alive it is on your youtube channel you're one of my dearest friends one of my favorite people one of the funniest people i've ever met and uh do yourself a favor check it out go to his youtube channel watch live and alive and go see Ryan on tour. Yay. Thank you guys.

Happy Hallow jeans. Happy Hallo Jeeps. Rappel, rabble. Get your earl change. Yeah. Excuse me? I want to call me a mic, call mic, call my, call my, Mike, who are going to Mike, call me, call me,

Octo, Coddy, Coddy, Coddy, Coddy, Coddy, Cidoole mic, I'm a good, I'm a kid, so. I'm talking to him, I'm not talking to you. Yeah, yeah, now. Excuse me? Excuse me? She's through your friend, I'm your friend.

Right, right, right, right, right. She's your friend. I'm your friend. I'm your friend. Call me. Call me. Excuse me. I want to call me called my cool my co.