Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - A Horny Cowboy For Christina's Birthday w/ Johnny Pemberton | Your Mom's House Ep. 815

Episode Date: June 18, 2025

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: Go to http://helixsleep.com/YMH for 27% Off Sitewide. Get started at https://factormeals.com/YMH50OFF and use code YMH50OFF to get 50 percent off plus FREE shipping on your first box. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/momshouse It’s CP’s birthday and what better way to celebrate than a gals trip, some productive coughing, and watching a horny cowboy tell us how to treat a lady? Also Tom and Christina are joined by the always-delightful Johnny Pemberton! We kick things off with a mumbling cool guy with unrealistic standards, before moving on to a humble-brag video of a woman prepping her bowels for a dom session. There’s also new Pazsitzky Effect, on the table, some more of Enny's hot take on the movie "Sinners", and of course some more gay content we found on the internet. Johnny Pemberton then enters the studio to talk about his latest film "Mermaid", yo hype season 2 of "Fallout", and talk all about his animated voice rolls that's more known for these days. He also reacts to the cool guys from the top of the show, watches some horrible or hilarious clips, shares some war stories from doing prank calls, and gets into a passionate rant about Red Lobster. What can we say? Except I'm gay. Your Mom’s House Ep. 815 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:06:12 - Opening Clip: Don't Message Me 00:10:40 - The Horny Cowboy 00:18:27 - Clip: Dom Sesh Prep 00:21:38 - More Gay Stuff 00:28:16 - Sinners 00:37:13 - Johnny Pemberton's Best Work 00:49:33 - What Can I Say Except That I'm Gay 00:53:27 - Johnny Meets Mumbling Kevin 00:58:44 - Horrible Or Hilarious 01:04:51 - Pouch Leggings 01:10:31 - Johnny Reacts To Dom Sesh Prep 01:14:17 - TikToks 01:19:37 - Red Lobster 01:24:30 - Closing Song - "Erection Achieved" by Hendawg Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

New Jersey, I'll be bringing my Come Together tour to Atlantic City this weekend for two shows at Hard Rock Live at Etis Arena on Friday, June 20th and Saturday, June 21st. Get tickets now at TomSegura.com slash tour. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House. Happy birthday, Gene. Thanks, Gene. It's your born day. It's my born day. And here's what I've decided.

I am supposed to be 49. Yeah. But fuck that shit. Fuck it. I'm going to take 48 over again, cause it sucked such donkey balls with, you know, having cancer, you had your Invisalign. We've all suffered this year So the double bird to 48 as it was. Yeah, fuck that shit. I'm 48 again. You're 48 again

It's a real chick thing to say. Oh Chicks do that. Why not? Why is it a girl thing? It's a girl thing to be like I'm done. I'm done this year over again You know, let me tell you I'm tired this year over again and my friends what, let me tell you something. I'll tell you this year over again. I'm my friends, we're gonna celebrate. It's my year again. You know what, can I tell you something? You know this, the audience doesn't. I took my girlfriends, my BFFs, we went to Mexico. You did.

Fuck my stoma. Yeah. We laughed, we cried, we had the best time. That's awesome. And then I also understand why women are super annoying because I will give it to you that we just say too many words. Yeah, chicks talk a lot.

And I wasn't drinking because I don't want to drink through my meds because I ruined my meds. And there was a point when we were flying home where I was like, shut the fuck up. Yeah. Everybody just. Yeah. Yeah.

But I love them. But yeah, I get why men are like, Jesus Christ. How they, how men just go. Huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that. How much of what I say registers with you? Be honest.

I think a lot. No. Yeah. I see your eyes glaze over most of the time. Well that happens, it's a percentage. Yeah, well what's the percentage? I don't know. You don't know, cause you're not listening.

No, I'm saying to do a full analysis. I don't think you're not like that. I'm not that mouthy. No. You know why though? That's why, why? Cause my dad trained me. Yeah, good job dad.

Yeah. He was like, don't, women talk too much. Yeah. You're good. Lenovo, you don't talk too much. You don't. You know who talks the perfect amount? Heather Mills.

Heather who works here, yeah. Cause she keeps to herself and then it's like, do you want it, what do you want for lunch? Oh, you like that. Can I get you a coffee? And you're like, that's perfect. I mean, she says a little more than that, but yeah. She's very creative, she's brilliant.

Yeah. And like, I like when women connect with stories. I mean, I'm sorry, connect with feelings. Like we talk about real things. Then you guys just sit around and tell stories You don't even talk to each other properly Properly, no, I'm serious. We have a good time. Not really. Yeah, we do you guys just tell stories, but you don't connect with each other I think we do Okay. Well, how come every time you come back from being with your boyfriend?

I'll ask a basic question like how so and so's wife doing what's up with their mother or how's their health thing? And you're like, I don't know. We didn't talk about that. Yeah, cuz that's that's what I'm saying. We have a good time You don't talk about shit like that we're like what's up with your car? Yeah, it's all you guys care about your arms look good What are you been doing? Yeah Can I get your arm workout? Yeah I feel like that's you know, that's one way to communicate and I've enjoyed that in green rooms for years Yeah, I just sit around tells no, that's true. You know what you need You just need a little you need a little bit of both you need a balance

Yeah, need some chicks around. Yeah, you can open up talk about some feelings and then guys to like, you know Tell some stories. Have a laugh. Have a good time Yeah, and then and then you shut the fuck up everybody shut Yeah, and then everyone shuts up but guys intuitively shut up. That's the thing you hang out with guys So you talk and then the guys are just like Yeah, no, I see you guys do it in the green rooms. Like I know when the boys are quiet, don't talk. Yeah, yeah. Do not say a fucking word.

It fucks up with us talking. Even with you, like I see when you're thinking thoughts, cause you look at your thoughts, you'll look down and go, Yeah. And I'm like, oh, he's thinking I shouldn't. Thanks. I shouldn't hinder that, I shouldn't talk to him.

I appreciate that. I will say, I think you're really good though. I don't think you're not like a chatty chatty broad who's like, you're like, Jesus fucking shut up. You're not like that. No. I mean, obviously, cause otherwise I probably, you know, I wouldn't have.

You'd murder me long ago. No, you said I wouldn't be interested if you were like, bang, bang, bang, bang, you know, just fucking yapping all day. I'd be like, Jesus Christ. But you do like, because you told a story, do you mind if I recap at the dinner table what you said to my stepsister?

No. Where you were like, we were talking about how my stepdad, my fat Indian stepdad had lupus. We didn't know that. And he would cough a lot. Yeah. He'd be like, like that cough that I do is actually his cough.

Yeah. And then my mother would get mad and go, Dean, please! And get really mad at him. You're disgusting, stop this coughing and then You what happened tell the story. I talked about how you Get mad at a a productive cough. I don't like when it's productive You don't like a cough like yeah, and then you also don't like

Involuntary coughs. Oh, that's the worst like if someone's sick and coughing you're like knock it off. It's like I'm just I'm sick Like I'm not trying if someone's sick and coughing, you're like, knock it off. It's like, I'm just, I'm sick. Like I'm not trying to cough. My body's coughing. And you're like, well, stop. You can stop. You told me that. You were like, you can stop. I'm like, I'm sick.

I'm coughing. And you're like, yeah, but stop. But it was too much. There's, it was too much. You could have controlled it at that point. But that's, see, that's a broad thing. That's just like- You could have controlled it.

No, that's just a woman thing where like, that's when I need a guy around to be like, are you hearing this fucking chick? You know? Like seriously. Women are stupid. But then you still married me. I know.

You like, admit it that you like that I'm a little inappropriate at times. I like that you're a little inappropriate. I don't think, I don't categorize that as inappropriate. What is that? That's just dumb. Yeah. Stupid. Fuck it's stupid.. Yeah. Stupid. Yeah.

Fuckin' stupid. Yeah. But you could control your cough. Okay. Just to be fair, that was enough coughing. Here we go. Here we go. This is so good.

If you don't have a picture in your profile, then don't even bother mentioning me. If you're black, don't mention me. If you're overweight or slightly overweight, don't even bother mentioning me. If you have a boyfriend or a fiance or a husband, don't even bother mentioning me. If you have a kid or kids, even if they don't live with you,

don't even bother making me even more than that Wow. Wow. Wow. That's a good one. What a winner. Wow. Meow, meow, meow. A lot of standards. So many. I like that when we have a guest here and they go, what the fuck's up with this intro? Was it Jessica Kershaw? A lot of people said it lately.

Steph said it last. This is so last. Oh, Steph Tolop. Oh yeah, it's 15 years. No it is. It's so long and I'm so excited to talk about this. You gotta wait. Yeah, it's 20 minutes. Good. Oh Wait, what does even say don't gonna make he says if you don't know me you don't have a profile picture Don't message me don't make they mean if you're black That was his second one. Let's put down his quiet. Hey profile. Let me write If you don't have a photo check if you're black don't message me if you're overweight and then he said you're black, don't message me. If you're overweight, and then he said, or even slightly overweight, don't message me.

If you have a boyfriend, fiance, or husband, don't message me. If you have a kid, even if the kid doesn't live with you, don't message me. Yeah, I mean. You have a good memory for this. It was very, very funny. You have a really good memory. Yeah. If you don you have a good memory for this. It was very, very funny. You have a really good memory. Yeah.

If you don't have a picture in your profile, you don't have a picture in your profile. And don't even bother making me. Is he retarded? Your black don't even make me. Don't make me. If you're overweight or slightly overweight, don't even bother making me.

What about speech impediments, dickhead? If you have a boyfriend or a fiance or husband, don't even bother making me. If you have kids or kids, even if they don't live with you, don't even bother making me either. Other than that. Other than that. I would love to watch this guy shoot you down so hard. Me? Yeah, yeah.

You'd be like, first of all, you're slightly overweight. I'd be like, you have kids. He sounds like Yoshi though. Husband. Is this Yoshi? A white Yoshi? Yeah. You have kids, you're slightly overweight.

I mean, to watch this guy shut people down would be my next favorite thing. Yeah, bring him in. We should do a dating show. A chick. We should do like we did with Tony. Like, but just have all women who either have a kid, but like make them all hot. He'd be like, nope.

No. Not increasing. So basically, the only person he could date is a non-black, fit, young, Yeah. single, childless woman.

Yeah, he wants, well, he's basically saying, are you 21 and hot? Message me. Are you 21 year old white hottie? Are you 21? He's old. But I will say, I saw this woman, we covered her on this show where she was like,

men are so slimy that you have to specify are you currently married to a person right now right now right are you separated how separated does that just mean in your mind you're separated or actually are you like because people will come up with apparently yes reasons if you're black If you're black, don't you be messing me. Messing me? Messing me. If you're black, don't mess me. If you're black. Don't bother messing me.

Messing me. Messing me. Don't bother messing me. Don't bother. Don't bother. I'm sure the black women don't even fucking want his ass. How about like some good Stupid.

advice? Cause this guy needs it. I think this guy needs advice. Don't mess me. Next time you're out on a drive and you know when exit is coming up Each other I know rub up and down her leg fucking pew rotate around and just squeeze just a little bit up and down Just kind of massage the area a little bit

We hate his breathing over give her a little smile. Maybe a little wink and As you're approaching that exit and she can see the sign. I'm gonna puke just point at the sign and say You interested in going pulling off? Have a little adventure Having a little adventure. He's so winded from walking two steps and the rocks Pull over he gives all sexy time advice. Oh, I know the heavy jib the other ones I said, the rocks. He gives all sexy time advice. Oh, I know. Have you jibbed the other ones?

I've seen a bunch of his stuff. It's always in my algo. The puke. Yeah. Totally wrong. They want to start I want to start jabbing totally wrong totally wrong you have a tool for that and she'll ask No use your fingers the way they are used I can't Stop breathing It's such an interesting lane for this guy to choose

Like his his whole thing is love making advice for men. Okay, so this is not, and I like that it's always in nature. Like he doesn't have a house, he can, you know why? Cause his fucking wife is there. Yeah, he's like, I'm doing my videos. Out of the forest. Were you telling them how to touch me? Dean, please make your videos outside.

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and use code YMH50OFF to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. That's code YMH50OFF at factormeals.com slash YMH50OFF for 50% off plus free shipping. factormeals.com slash YMH 50 off for 50% off plus free shipping factormeals.com slash YMH 50 off. I think, okay, so there is a lane of this age of guy with blue eyes and they're usually bald, but they wear like hats and scarves and they lip sync poorly to romantic songs.

Oh, that's a big thing. There's that. The other one that is such, the cringiest of all is the one who's like. Yeah, he's the best. He's like, is that all right? He's my favorite. Is it okay if I look at you like this?

And then they get shot and they're like. I'll koi after it and you're like, okay, dude. And it's a fucking 50 year old guy. I know. So there's one guy on the gram who does those sexy koi after it and you're like, okay dude, and it's a fucking 50 year old guy I know so there's one guy on the gram who does those sexy. Yeah koi videos. Sexy stare Yeah, but then so then he makes this video. He's like guys Women stop DMing me. I'm married. Okay, I make these videos for myself. Yeah I'm getting bombarded. Yeah, he got busted apparently probably, you know some ho in his DMs His wife was like, what is this? He's like nothing. I'm just doing my stare video. Do more vids. This is like this pig I'm sure he's married

Some poor woman. Next time you're on a date. He's got a lisp too. Stare right in her eyes. Right in her eyes. I ask. What would you do if I asked you to go take your underwear off? Oh boy hand them to me? What would you say if I asked her to take off her underwear? Look at that it feels like that's the face he makes when he asks he's like Will you take your underwear off please? Fucking dork I can't wow, they're pretty soiled. Oh. Hmm.

Yeah, it's always guys that look like this that think they can. Well, he's giving advice. He's giving advice and people are, he's the, what is he? He's cowboy, he's cowboy. Oh, he's been married 25 years. Yeah. You're right.

I knew it. That's why he's never doing this shit in his own house. How you can move. His video's about making a move. Oh, okay and it's causing excitement in your life He is trying to be a relationship coach Okay, that's pretty cool. Horny cowboy. Oh That's his name. No, no, no, no, it's just what we call him. Yeah, he's totally so horned up. He's very horned up Hold on before I forget speaking of horny by my lipsticks you him. Yeah, he's totally so horned up. He's very horned up. Hold on, before I forget, speaking of horny,

buy my lipsticks, you guys. ChristinaP.com. Buy all four, buy the perfect four. Make your lady horny when she puts them on. These lipsticks make ladies so horny. Next time you're out with your lady, I want you to just reach over and take her by the hand put it between your legs and say do you feel that?

I hate him. You hate him? Yeah. Yeah Just like nobody wants that nobody not needs and the guys that he's telling this shit to they're not it's not good advice guys Don't do this. Don't do this Don't do any of it. No, I mean like if the lady likes you she likes you dude. Yeah, there's nothing you can do We're not it's just there's nothing you can change about yourself. Either we're into it or we're not all right She's just not that into you. She's not she's not that into you. Yeah, or she is where she is. Yeah Just like you want to have a little adventure on the next exit? Stop.

There's one, I'm gonna throw up, there's one where. There's one where he's like, push her up against the wall. Gently. And then stare into her eyes. Yeah. Hold the stare. Yeah. And then say, do you want me to kiss you?

Just like something stupid like that. Like, ugh, dude, stop. This is more your speed, I think. Prepare for my Dom session with me. So the prep for this session starts the night before because this man likes to be on. If you are new here, yes, we do this every single month. LOL.

I wanted Jamaican food, so we got to making food this time of course I have to try to eat a lot of you know about Jamaican food this was so much food but I did my best and they everything I could next I drink my ginger root tea before taking some probiotics some digestive pills to keep everything moving the next morning I wake up take a laxative and then I wait an hour before heading to the hotel once I'm at the hotel It's a real quick session about 20 minutes in and out. I do my thing and Make a game bag

Always a bag since y'all were saying that I was capping in the last video. I decided to provide the receipts So there's the deposit the food receipt receipt, the food return, and the remainder of the bag. Yeah. So cool. Easiest way to make money. Taking dumps. That's rad. So easy.

And she's got the chair set up. Yeah. And she puts down the The The puppy pads. The wee wee pads. Yeah. For your house training, your little pup.

She just takes a dump and this guy's like, here's a thousand dollars or whatever. That's awesome. Easy whatever. That's awesome. That's rad. Now if you could really get away with shitting in a bag and leaving the bag there or shitting and then bringing it to him. Like not having to do it in real time would be preferable.

Cause for me, it's the pressure of the performance in society. He wants this now. How do I know when the laxative you're gonna kick in? But man, it's man, it's wild. That's somebody's favorite thing. And then you found somebody that'll provide it. That's so cool, you know?

That girl is like, yeah, I could shit for you. I could shit on you. And he's like, fantastic. We eat a bunch of Jamaican food. It's very specific. Yeah, well maybe that's just what she wanted, but he was like, I want it spicy. Ah!

I wanna see it sting a little bit. Ew! She ate it, that was a lot of food. That was a gnarly dump she took. For sure. With a laxative too? Yeah. Cause it could've just been her normal movement,

now it's gonna be extra pushed out. Extra spices. Yeah. Yeah, I would've gone, you know, if he wanted spicy, I might go Korean. I knew you would. Yeah. I knew you would. Yeah. I knew you would. Soon do boo.

We gotta get you this guy's info. Yeah. Kalbi, some kimchi. Kimchi's really what brings the brown down. And lots of garlic there too. Ooh. Garlic dumps and parts. Is there a woman alive that wants this done to her,

I wonder? Somewhere, yeah. But she's deeply, deeply troubled. She's not, she's not like just functioning going to a job Could you imagine if you showed up on her doorstep and you're like, I got it Yep, you do a sketch like that if you do season two of bad Can I be the woman that you shit on sure? Yeah, it's too much. I'll always tell me don't need props my wife wants

the real thing yeah I love the bad thoughts where you you've diarrhea on your butt it's so funny hell yeah it's so good I love taking dumps I love that scene um oh shit here we go no No. Yeah, I got it. Such a horny. These are horny clips for you today. Well, you don't like this guy? Nope. I think this is kind of your style. Kind of looks like me. No. No. This is gay. This guy's gay. I don't like this guy? Nope. I think this is kind of your style. It kind of looks like me. No. This is gay. This guy's gay. I don't think so. Gay! Don't see it. Not interested. I love guys, name's Peyton, still gay. Still from Alabama. Like 33 and a half. Still have my land, still have my pond, still have my big day. Still gay. All to myself and nobody to

share it with. I'm gonna share all this with. I need somebody to share it with. Yeah, babe. That's so interesting though, the Southern gay. That's very rare. Well, it's not rare. They don't exist here. No, I'm just saying that to put that out there, like you see a gay guy, whatever, LA, New York,

it's just like, oh, just part of, but you don't think like, oh yeah, Alabama, there's like an Alabama dude that's like this guy. I know. And he's just like, what's up? It's lonely out here, man. Yeah, he's putting it out there well. I got a lot of shit to fucking cool shit here, man.

Well, he wants a country boy like him. He needs a good country boy who's gonna ride, you know, go on the lake, fish and butt fuck. That's what he wants. Yeah, and Calvin Klein underwear. Oh, dude, he's an anomaly. The fuck. That's what yeah in Calvin Klein underwear He's an anomaly. The problem is he's he's a diamond in that community Yeah, I would say I would think this guy has no problem finding a guy. I know maybe it's just

Environmentally right like the neighborhood. He's in the wrong part of the world. But he's but here's the thing He's like I don't fucking leave it. I love fishing. I love that's right Yeah, so he wants that hot guy to come to him. So you're basically, sir, you're going to have to get a lad from California or New York who's willing to revoke him. This is his version of waving a hanky. He's like, hello, anybody out there? Anybody out there? Y'all like to fish and shit?

Get your dick sucked after you catch a big old fish? Hell yeah, dude. There's definitely guys for him. Yeah, but they don't look like him where he's from I mean, he's very put together. Yeah. Yeah, that's tough. He's it's a tall order when he's looking for Well, I'm glad you know, but I think this is a smart. This is like one of the great things of social media Yeah, this guy can put that out there. I'm sure he's getting bombarded with messages at least because of us now What part of well, I'm saying even even on his own like yeah, I don't know. Let's see. Let's help him out Check this out. You've seen this

That was cool what any That was cool. What, Enny? You put that in there? Enny, did you see the thing? What, what, what the fuck was that? They're both wearing the gas fishing hat. Oh, they are both. They're for each other.

Maybe we found a love match. It might be a... Still gay. Yeah. Yep, we found his match. He did. Still gay. Is that me playing Minecraft in the

background yeah take a break from Minecraft yeah this is why you don't play minecraft okay what's he doing exactly what is he doing exactly what is he doing push-ups but he's just laying there he's not like what's he doing? Push ups. But he's just laying there. He's not, like, what's he doing? Eddie, what's he doing? I don't understand what he's actually doing. He's fucking playing Minecraft, bro. There's... There's someone back there. Is there?

Yeah. Oh, like, eating his ass out or something? I can't tell if you don't see, like, are you just fucking, what, are you playing with me? No. Yes, there's someone back there, bro, what the fuck? Well, cause it's so fast and I can't really see it. Yeah Like I don't see the other person. Oh

Yeah, now I see it now I see it now I see it. Yep. I see it still gay I see it. You gotta play it a few more times. Yeah, I'm not sure. Yeah, that was interesting I didn't I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it and now I see it. Got it? Got it. When we started this podcast, it felt like we had to figure out absolutely everything from production, branding and marketing.

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Yeah, please. I finally figured out after being alive all this time that you don't have to sit in a wet bathing suit. Like you can bring another bathing suit with you to the pool or the beach. Beats? The Beats? The Beats? Yeah. Where there's sands. Sands? And then you can change into that nice dry one. Yeah. You don't have to sit and like be uncomfortable all day in the same way. You just got that? Yeah. That's awesome. Hey you know what you can do? You can even bring underwear and a

change of clothing with you to the beach or the pool. A lot of people do that. I just started to. I just thought you had to suffer in your wet clothing all day. Did you know you could do that any? Oh you don't swim. Yeah see I don't make that mistake. You don't swim ever? Ever? Like when you're in a pool? Nah. Like at a house party with the pool you wouldn't get in a little bit. I'll be in the house Okay Blacks, whites, Puerto Ricans. Yeah, nobody. Ain't nobody. I don't think he's getting a lot. Any I have to say that I was laughing so hard at sinners when we brought that up. Oh my god. Yeah.

Ridiculous. Please do the soulful singing again. See? See? You see why I'm tired of this shit? Yeah. It's because y'all niggas like it too much. Yeah.

It's y'all niggas like it too much. Fucking picking cotton in the fields. Fucking ridiculous, bro. Anyone who's ever been toall niggas like it too much. Fucking. Picking cotton in the fields. Fucking ridiculous, bro. Anyone who likes that movie is a fucking racist and they just might not know it. They just might not know it. That might be what's going on. Now I have to watch it to test to see if I'm a racist.

You should go see it. And it's so annoying because you're going to think, you're going to think, like Michael B. Jordan, you're like, as soon as he pops on screen you're like damn you know he look kind of dope though like smoke and stack that was like a cool yeah cool characters yeah that was a cool character I like how they fucking dressed and sure that was tight I'm like yo I might be these things for Halloween and then the rest of the movie play I'm like well there goes that I can't do that

It's horrible. God, I laughed so hard at that. It's the worst movie ever. Days I've been laughing at you doing that. I really enjoyed it. I didn't realize it was my deep, deep racism. But I liked it. Well, well, well. Yeah, real well, well, well moment.

I was like, yeah, these blacks are doing it like I like. God. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. They had the bitch bring her big old titties out.

That was ridiculous. Wait, a black lady brought her titties out? The big old titties, man. Big titties. Big old titties. Let me tell you the biggest titties I've ever seen. That's big like bus driver titties. Oh yeah, bus driver titties.

For sure. Black lady bus driver titties are the biggest. Yeah, bus driver plus for sure. Is there a tab on Pornhub for that? I don't think so. There should be. I mean I'm sure there's big black tits but I don't think it says. Will you look if there's like black lady bus driver tits? No it doesn't say it like that. It's not gonna be bus driver. It's just gonna say big black tits. Yeah. You know what I talk shit though honestly. There's probably something.

There's probably something. Somewhat. Oh yeah, porn's blocked here, so. Oh, use that VPN, sucker. ExpressVPN? Well, well, well. Those aren't the tits you're talking about. Those are like normal tits. Just do big black tits.

BBW tits. Yeah. Look at that shit, man. Yeah, those tits were huge. Crazy. I thought she was a cool character. I like that lady that shit, man. Yeah, those tits were huge. Crazy. I thought she was a cool character. I like that lady.

She was cool. Yeah. But it was racist. There you go. I gotta look at the back like that. Great big black tits right there. Yeah. Top right.

Holy shit, there's some huge black tits here. Holy shit. Bang. Clock that shit. Listen, I wish I could make fun of them, but my tots were just that big before I had them removed, man. Yeah, you had some munch lady tits. I had some big black lady tits myself.

Yeah. I wish I could cast stones, my friend, but. I actually think you're really going to like this movie. I really do. You're going to like the way I look? I think you're going to like the way you look. Do you guarantee it? I guarantee it, yeah. I'm gonna watch it.

Do I have to go to a theater? Well, it's got like, no, you can order it now. Is it now? Yeah, and it has like your favorite things. Vampires. It has vampires, it has white people subjugating black people into horrible conditions. No! I don't like that!

Wumpiers? Wumpiers. So Interview with the Vampire, the series on Netflix, I think. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's gotten less gay less gay remember I told you yeah Yeah, like they put the homosexuality like front and center for that show and I was like, all right, I'm enough I get it. They're gay. They're gay. I thought about this though. I thought about the vampire thing Sure, it's like but doesn't if Dracula's gonna change the nigga into a vampire, doesn't he gotta suck on the dude's neck? Yeah, so let me, allow me to elaborate.

It's always been homoerotic. Yes, it was always homoerotic. Like the Anne Rice vampires were always, you knew they were homosexuals. However, it didn't go into like detail and you didn't see them Frenching. What the fuck is that? That's the gayish, that's what I'm talking about.

That's when he becomes a wumpier. And watch this, watch this shit when they ascend into the air. Oh man. The scene right after this, the two gay guys with their butts showing in the air. It wasn't like this in the books, you guys. So what you're saying though, is that you always knew yeah, this was the thing you just never saw it So well, and this is kind of but it was interesting. They play it down when you look at something first movie They play it down generally. So what like what is this from? This is the amc one. Yeah, look who directed this

You why you want him for your next movie? No, it's just an interesting Thing a gay guy. That's what I'm saying So I Don't know that we know that that's oh I'm saying yeah you seem to be really into this gay shit. Oh he's super gay. So I don't know who that guy is. Wait no that's the movie. Oh he did the crying game. Okay this is my point a lot of times when you just find out who the director is you can see why certain decisions are made. That was the director for the movie. The creator of the show is Rowan Jones. Okay. Kiosk. I can't tell. I don't know what it is. On a Tuesday. Hot outside. Look, that being said, it's a great series.

The head vampires, the guy who plays Louis and Lestat, they're gorgeous. It's totally well done. Okay. It's great. But well done. Okay, it's great But I was a little too like all right Is rolin? uh homosexual come on homosexual I mean, it's usually like it's pretty You know, this is how this works. That's why

It's true because you see the world through your gay lens. That could be his ex-wife before he... You don't know. We don't know. I don't know, dude. It could be the EP on the show. Yeah, it could be. I know. My point was just that, like, you...

Or... By the time you find the person who's... No, I know what the fuck it is. What? I know what it is. What? It's 2025. We can't make anybody trans. We, we can't make it too multicultural

Cuz well, we have like one black vampire one. Yeah French vampire. Mm-hmm So they added that gay stuff in to make it 2025 Do you know what I mean when they shoehorn in the diversity and all this stuff? Maybe that's what I'm thinking But what you're saying is that it's always been gay. They just didn't show it before no no no they Yes, but in the books it was like insinuated you knew but you didn't know kind of thing They didn't French or anything They just like intimated that these two were lovers in love with one. It was romanticized. It wasn't like they yeah In love with one it was romanticized. It wasn't like they yeah, but pounded Yeah, yeah, yeah, you got it never did in the bus stroking his hog. No, it wasn't like that

You never let in this thing to suck it. Yeah, I wasn't like that. Yeah Whatever I don't want to talk about I'm sick of talking about this. Okay I just remember by the way the most annoying part of centers the dumbest Scene ever was like everyone's favorite fucking moment was which the the music part you remember that shit Tom Yeah, yeah when it went from like rap There fucking whatever blues to like rap to a DJ. It was like what what do what do niggas do hmm? Let's see African drums. Let's throw that shit in there the fucking music didn't even it didn't blend right The rhythm was off and then they threw like Asian niggas randomly at the end because there was like an Asian couple that walked by and they're like

What do Asians do come on? Oh the gates to make let's put that shit It was like full that fucking it was all just racist, but the whole scene was just racist. It didn't sound good Speaking of Wow speaking of Asian ends Jackie Chan was so good in Karate Kid. And I can't stop thinking about what a fantastic movie star that guy is. Yeah, he's fantastic. You know, he's on par with like Tom Cruise in terms of being an amazing movie star. He made that film. He stole the show.

He was great. He's so good. So talented. Love Jackie Chan. Have you seen Foreigner with him? No. Fire. Really? Fire. It's new. He's kind new he's kind of older and fire. He's great. Oh Is he fighting people and shit in this? It's like born, but did you see the new the spinoff for wick? Did you see that one the ballerina thing?

I have not has anyone seen that a spinoff. Yeah. Yeah this ballerina thing. This is like, it's the WIC world. Ooh, I like that. Yeah. Is it a Slavic queen? I have no idea. Dark Slavic beauty? You know I like that. From the world.

Russians. Did you watch it? Oh, it's Ana de Armas. Kiosk. Kiosk? She's Spanish. Oh. Spanish Cuban girl?

They went your tribe. OK. Did you watch it? I have not seen it. I have not seen it. Oh, OK. That's cool. I'll check that. I'll do that.

Yeah, very cool. All right, let's take a quick break. We'll be right back. Taking a break. Hope the master don't see me. And we are back and joining us one of our all time favorite guests. You can see him on tour by going to johnnypemberton.dog for tour dates. It's Johnny Pemberton everybody. Hey, hey, hey, hey. It's so good to see you. Great to be here.

I haven't seen you in a while. It's been a minute. Yeah. We saw you at South By. We did, but that was so, that was you. Great to be here. I haven't seen you in a while. It's been a minute. Yeah. We saw you at South By.

We did, but that was so, that was like a kind of a whirlwind, I feel like. You know what I mean? It was so fast. Yeah, it was. That was such an amazing movie. It's called Mermaid. It debuted here at South By in Austin. And then very recently, the news came that it was acquired, so it's going to be distributed

next year. I know. very exciting. It's really cool. We've known for a little while now, but it's just so cool to actually have it be like official. Because that means it's like, it's real. It's such a good movie. It really is. I love the movie.

No, I love the movie. You're fantastic in it. I love it a lot. It's a fun movie. It's super cool. You know what's great about Mermaid 2 is that it's actually surprising. It's original. It's interesting. It's a fun movie. It's super cool. You know what's great about Mermaid 2 is that it's actually surprising. It's original. It's interesting.

It's a great story. You haven't seen it before and you do a great job in it. That's what movies are supposed to be. Yeah, yeah. I mean, isn't that funny that we're talking about things? Like that's what a movie for forever. That's what a movie was. Exactly.

But now it's like, if you do anything slightly original, it's like, oh my God. Yeah, people freak out. And this is like not the movie that a studio wants to make. You have to like really kick and scratch. And you know what I mean? Yeah, maybe not. But I'm saying like that's what you would want

from your big studios. And they're like, we don't wanna do that. Yeah, they won't. I mean, everything's in such flux right now. Shout out to Tyler, Tyler Korneck. Tyler Korneck, yeah. He made it. The director. You guys are working together now, right? Yeah, we're working on something

together. Yeah, I'm very excited. Yeah. Good job. Yeah. I saw that movie. I was like, hey, what's up? Yeah, I predicted that. Yeah. You did? Yeah, I did. Because I just, you know, you're savvy. You see sensibilities that people like. Yeah, I just feel like it's like it makes sense, you know? Yeah. Maybe you guys wanna work together. Yeah. He's like a, he's just so talented, you know? He's like so incredibly, what he does is just, I mean, yeah, I can't believe it.

Yeah, I thought so too. It was like, as soon as I saw that, I was like, I gotta talk to this guy. Yeah. This was great, yeah. And you got him on the payroll. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was great, man. Roommate's amazing, and I'm excited for Fallout.

Yeah, season two is going to be cool. Season two. Comes out, I think, in December. I don't know what date exactly yet, but it'll probably be right before Christmas, so everybody can binge. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Fallout. Anyway, so aren't you also in the smash Netflix hit Bad

Thoughts? Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Yes. You're so good in that. That's such a great show, man. Aren't you also in the smash Netflix hit Bad Thoughts? Yes! Yes! Yes! You're so good in that. That's such a great show, man. It was a lot of fun.

I spaced out my watching of it and I just, every episode I successively watched, I was like, oh my fucking God. I mean, God, the Steven Seagal one, man, it fucking kills me so much. Like I just was, I had to pause it. You know what I mean? Oh really? That's awesome, man. Yeah, I was so thrilled. You know, it, I had to pause it. You know what I mean? Oh really? That's awesome, man. Yeah, I was so thrilled.

You know, it's very- That was such a fun character. People like, when you write for a movie or a show, when it comes to, sometimes when you write, you write with someone in mind, right? So I wrote this story in particular with you in mind to play this. Oh, you did? Okay.

Yeah. That's why it was called Johnny. We switched the... Oh, that's why you did. Yeah. Yeah. I think I asked for that. Yeah, you did. You're like, we changed the name and I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's better, always better to play a character than to be... Your name, yes. Yeah, I don't want to be me.

No, I agree. I totally agree. And when you said that, I was like, oh, yeah, absolutely. But we wrote it for you in mind and then you go, then you get to the casting process and they're like, well, who do you want? I'm like, well, I want Johnny. And then you have to have your backups because they're like, what if this person doesn't? And you're like, all right, so you start making this list, but you're the bolded name at the top of the casting list.

So I was just so, so thankful that you did it, man. Yeah, it was so much fun. I mean, just that, just the haircut alone, I feel like is something that's so, it's just so stupid. Oh, yeah. So good. It's that hair, man. I just see the hair, I'm like, this guy,

look at that, man. It looks like somebody who just is flying coach and like has a bag that's taped together. But he's like super, I don't know. I feel like I could spend weeks as that guy. My favorite part, like there's like super and I don't know I thought I spent weeks as that guy my favorite part Like there's a lot in this This particular story that I love but my favorite thing in it that makes me laugh every time Is something like you can't you don't teach like someone just does it or not is when the other guy played by chase

Is giving the speech? He's like, he's right. Is you just going like, yeah. Like you do this like nod smile, like that's it. That's what I was saying. And so it's real, it's subtle, but you're like, it's like you're relieved and you're like, that's it. Like you're basically saying that's it. But it's really great. Don't remember that, but.

It's really funny. Yeah, it's really funny. Yeah, it's a great show. It's yeah,. Don't remember that, but. It's really funny. Yeah, it's really funny. Yeah, it's a great show. It's funny, yeah. All this cool stuff. Well, and of course, our household's favorite, Pickle and Peanut. Right.

Still the biggest. Gotta bring it back. Yeah, the boys have a different opinion on what your best work is. And it's definitely Pickle and Peanut. I think it's my best work. I don't even think it's like, well, I mean, I don't think it's my best work so much

as it is the best work that I happen to be in. You know what I mean? I used to get high and watch that show I would forget that I'm in it because I just had so much fun Yeah, watching it. Yeah, because there's those guys who created that are just so oh So ahead of their time, you know, we still do in the house. We just did a friendship tunnel friendship Yeah, they get they go ahead. It's kind of head. It's kinda weird, it's kinda weird. It's kinda like a thing where Disney was like, hey, we bought this, huh? But you know what's great though

is that in a sea of bullshit, like in a sea of Coco Melons and Miss Rachel's and just these banal boring cartoons, there's just a little pickle and peanut. There's something weird out there for your kids. You want them to grow up a little weird. I think so. We had the Muppet Show, which was just Jim Henson

getting high and creating puppets, and that was fucking amazing. It was awesome. The Great Space Coaster, like all these weird shows. And I'm glad that that exists. Yeah, I mean, it's definitely not for children, right? Not for like babies. What, pickle and peanut? I don't think it is.

Cocoa Melon's for babies, right? That's oxy. Yeah, I think so It's also like doesn't like I check your brains pickle and peanut you do. I'll show my babies. Yeah. Well, that's all that's more right There's like there's a few videos when your kids really Sit there and watch the video and it's just a lady going you're cutie pie. All right Just so basic like And you see kids drooling. Yeah It is crazy. You see how they lock into sometimes it's just yeah feels like oh this this can't be that great

No, cuz why they're just sort of yeah Like they're jacked in but that's why it's good when it's creative and actually funny Yeah, okay. That's good comedy vibes going in your brain By the way, do you know that both of our boys are like they're like I don't like stuff that's for chicks I know, I wonder why I think I was that way as a kid. Really? Yeah. Yeah like super you don't want to have anything to do with girls Yeah, yeah. Oh like oh dude pink Absolutely not the best is never pink at dinner I go, so do you have a girlfriend?

And my older one will go, no. I'm like, girlfriend? I'm nine. I'm like, okay. And he just kind of gets over it. And then I turn to the six real, I go, do you have a girlfriend? He goes, fuck you.

Oh, he's the one who's like really spicy, right? Oh yeah. He's the one who says stuff. I don't know where so Like it's so up. I did it the other day to him again. I go you're you dating someone yet He goes stop fucking saying that shit. What do you say to that though when he says that I go hey, hey, hey calm down Okay, he goes. I would have a girlfriend fucking ridiculous, but like the cursing. Do you just have to not acknowledge it? It's you listen. So who did he get it from?

The problem is- It's you, right? Yeah. I can't stop- You're a clean comic, I know that. I can't stop cursing. And I mean, listen, they pick up stuff. We try to sensitize our children, right?

Like don't call people names. The interesting thing though- And they still come home with knowing stuff that we did not teach. The older one doesn't curse even a fraction as much as the younger one. No, the six year old's a cursing machine. Yeah, that's kind of cool.

That's like a Pete to Pete sort of thing. It is, it is kind of cool. He'll be like, he's saying MF and all this stuff. He's saying MF? Yeah, he says that, yeah. But they don't curse at school, so I know that he knows the line. He's not at school being like, mother fucker, fuck you.'t curse at school. So I know that he knows the line He's not he's not at school being like that's smart though. Yeah, he knows he knows that

He's doing it to get a rise out of us at home You didn't tell him you ignore a lot of it You have to ignore a lot of use ignoring you or you laugh because this morning we were like good morning Do you and he's like shut the fuck up? I want to fucking sleep Do you laugh at this? Oh, yes. I mean I would fucking sleep. You're like. Do you laugh at this? Yes. I mean I would be laughing so much. Yes, we laugh so hard. God, I wanna, sometimes he gets mad and he's like shut up.

Yeah, if you laugh too hard, but he gets real. Are you as mad as you laugh? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sometimes. Because he's serious. Is this like an advanced being you have? It feels like you have like an old man.

He does this thing where he's like, he comes in and he goes, hey, he goes, I'm sick of this fucking shit fucking shit fucking crazy, and I start to laugh What's he talking about like a push pop or something like that? Yeah, he goes why you fucking laughing man, and then I and then his face is like this And I start to laugh and then he'll kind of be like What and I go why are you so fired up man? He goes cuz the fucking my fucking brother is doing doing the shit and he's fucking with me.

Go fucking punish him. Okay, okay. Calm down, man. Oh my God. Just calm down. It's funny how that's probably funnier than any comedian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's like.

Yeah. Well, sorry. Well, I don't know, my niece is that, is super funny. Like she's only two years old, but she does stuff. I'm like, this is like, she's literally doing a bit right now. Yeah. That's good.

It's a good one. They learn bits. Or they're, they don't know. Oh no, no. Ellis knows now what's funny to us. And so he'll come in and he'll be like, we're at the dinner table. But like, why did you do that? And he's like, what can I say?

Except that I'm gay. And I'm like, that's funny. He likes that one. That's a T-shirt. What can I say? Except that I'm gay. But we can change to, what can I say? Except, that's fun. Yeah, he likes that one. That's a T-shirt. What can I say except that I'm gay? But we can change to, what can I say except your dad's gay? They started that one, by the way. Except you're gay.

Oh, cool. Last night at dinner, it was dad's gay. Just out of nowhere? Just out of nowhere. It's like, what can I say? Dad's gay. I'm like, OK. That's good.

But I like that these things sustain, even though we try to beat them out of it. It's never going to happen. When they're in their teens, it's going gonna happen when they're on there like in their teens. It's gonna be they're gonna just destroy you I know they're gonna come in there like this high-five and and just be like berating you in ways Yeah, didn't know existed. I know like a prison gang or something like it is gonna be like that But I also feel like that instant inside Us will be like that one day that I'll go back so hard on them

as is like what's inside of me, you know? Like in all the years of doing it. And then they're going to be like, hey, what the fuck, man? I'll be like, well, don't fuck with me, dude. I'll fucking rip you apart. Like, yeah. You gotta teach them how. Will you start laughing then? Like that thing where it's like you see if they're going to do it. And then you start laughing and everyone's like, Oh, shit. Okay. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. That was really harsh, man.

Yeah. Yeah. I taught them how to do your mother too. Some kid insults them at school like, oh, your mother's stupid. Well, your mother's hair is stupid. We think of that Yeah, but I'll get in trouble from that. I'm like not really it's not dirty You know it's not your mother's pussy or something right really want to get Some kid fucks with your kid you want to teach them how to fight back you know verbally at least not physically

I think my aunt taught me something like that years ago. She told me to say They call someone ugly or something like that. It's like, at least I'm not ugly. And you say that to someone's face, and I'm like, that's really fucking mean. Yeah. To call someone ugly. Especially like little kids, that breaks them down. Yeah, that's a good one.

10 year old. I'll tell my kids that. That's good, that's good. Yeah, at least I'm not ugly. Cause I was, my argument to her was, I should say, well, at least I'm not ugly like you. And she's like, no, they'll know. They'll know. Ah. Cause it's like no they'll know don't know She taught them to bark at cyclists. Yeah, they bark at people on but that's that's a that's a joke, right?

Isn't it? No, no, no, I thought was like one of your jokes. No, just a bark like a dog. Yeah Yeah, so they roll down the window and there's like there's someone on a bike and then they go They bite bark and then if someone's standing on the corner smoking, they go, look at this fucking moron. Wow. Yeah. Well, I want to train them that riding your bikes in the street is stupid and smoking is bad. And that's how you do it.

You go, this guy's an idiot. This guy's a dummy. What if you see a guy who's smoking on a bike? Well then that's a double whammy. Yeah. You fucking idiot. Roo roo roo roo roo. That is pretty cool. You never see that anymore. Apparently there's a couple, not even a pair, it really is, there's a couple of ultra marathoners

right now that openly smoke. Really? Yes. Guys that do a hundred miles. That actually makes me feel good because I will have a cigarette once in a while, you know, every, maybe once a week or sometimes less or more, you know, even if I'm golfing,

I'll have a cigarette, right? Yeah. Because my friend who had golf, he smokes a lot. But it's like, I don't feel like it's hurting me. No, once in a while. I don't know, you know? But to hear that though, that's like inspiring. Yeah.

Why do you two just one? Because I had to quit all of it when I was 30, but. I just have a thing. I can't get addicted. I just can't. Oh, you're lucky. Look at this psycho. Nice.

But that's different. Chain smoking. Oh, he's trying to. No, no, but there's a, I'm no, but there's a guy who's a photographer. He's a photographer and ultra runner and he smokes. Smokes like he's a smoker? He's a smoker. That's awesome.

See, that to me doesn't make any sense. That's crazy. That seems like you're just waiting to, you're trying to say, how can I die? Yeah. You know, there's some guy who was like an adventuring dude who, I don't know, one of those mega guys who breaks records and stuff, he was snowshoeing across Antarctica.

And he kept trying to do, he kept upping the level he would do, like how much he'd be by himself, all this, just the metrics kept increasing. And eventually one day, he died. And I feel like the whole thing was, he was just seeing what it would take to kill him. To kill him, yeah. Because at one point I think he's eating these

like protein bars, right, but they were frozen. And he chipped a tooth while eating it. And somehow like perforated his bowel. He had to get flown to Chile for some, you know, because from a bowel perforation, from beam malnourished. Oh my Godished all this stuff He's in the hospital, but he's like super happy because he found a limb. He found the limit. Yeah, but also then he did die Cool, but it's definitely it was something a case where the guy was like he's trying to see how like what will it take to kill me?

Yeah, well, it's just like that's a certain segment of the population though Yeah, they all want like there's a segment that wants to know how far they can push like those cave divers that you hate Oh my god, those guys are fucking insane. They hate themselves them and the um, oh my god What's it called? The parkour people? Yeah, but the ones that do it on high rises. Yeah, they'll do a flip on a high rise and you're like Just they're just waiting to die the wingsuit guys. Yeah, those wings. Yeah. But those wingsuit guys, they all know. They're like, yes, I will die doing this. Fuck yeah. Yeah.

Like I can't wait to die doing this. It's so fun. They kinda got a point. Yeah. Like if I could do that. 200 miles an hour, yeah. God, I would be like, yeah, this would be a great way to go.

Yeah. Like what a great way. You won't just coast down and land gently on them? Well, they do for a while. And if you make a mistake or some sort of weird air pattern hits you Here's the thing some of them they get they get tired of like the or bored by open This is open terrain. So then they start go I'm gonna fly between buildings Yeah, it was the guy that did it like between the the like the pillars on a bridge

He was going like 200. Okay, he went like right through them on one of those wingsuits. No, he made it. But I'm saying that's how you die, right? If he miscalculated that, it's immediate death. There's a lot of opportunities to die. There's a lot of ways to die. Free climbing, like those idiots.

The free climbing thing, man, that's just insane. I gotta show you, because you missed our first one today. I gotta show it to you. Oh boy. If you don't have a picture in your profile then don't even bother mentioning me. If you're black, don't mention me. If you're overweight or slightly overweight, don't even bother mentioning me. If you have a boyfriend or a fiance or husband, don't even bother making me.

If you have kids or kids, even if they don't live with you, don't even bother making me either. Other than that. Other than that, we're good. Other than that, if you want to come in my house and have sandwich with what I have to give you, you got to not have big shoes. I don't want to have girls little feet. If you come in here, if you want it, if you you better not have glasses

or have problems with your hearing, you can't be covered if I have. If you want to, I won't make you dinner, but if you want to be fatty, you can't be covered in it if I have. I won't make you dinner, but if you wanna be fatty, you can't be covered in it. The standards that he has are just unbelievable, right? Yeah. Yeah. You gotta be thin. Can't be black.

Thin. Yeah, I love that he's just like right away, no blacks. Yeah. Just racist out the gate. Out of the gate. Out of the top. It was after profile photos, so it settles you in. You're like, oh, no photo.

I get it. And he's like, black, problem. Just immediately. Overweight or slightly overweight. You can't be both. Yeah. You can have one thing, but you can't have it all. You can't have it all.

Well, look at him. He has it all. Does this guy have more stuff? I don't know. If you're black, don't. Mm-mm. He can't even speak. His name is Kevin Curtis White. Is this guy have more stuff? I don't know Name is Kevin Curtis white you think he has maybe like Maybe he's copying someone

Interesting maybe it's not his I didn't originate the the plan. This is a really interesting. I didn't see this. Oh Okay tester Tester master what's going on that second video with that one? Hello What what are you here looking for what are you looking for on here, okay? All right, there's a possibility this isn't real right I don't know here's the description. I got that the single female fans Read it as hemorrhages any single female in the Morris County One hey, don't be shy me must live, New Jersey

Disabilities or disabled oh, that's nice. Whoa, hold on. Maybe he's a, wow, I just turned off by that. Straight no case, you're bisexual, never been married no case, no black, no... Still no black. I can't believe that. Throw three black in there again. Yep.

But not just the way he says it. No black. No black. Yeah. No overweight. No black he says it no black no black yeah, no over weight or slightly Yeah, no black right he says like an Indian like to go to the movies he works at shop, right? Which is a supermarket chain in New Jersey? He actually posts his phone number Well, it's got a call

Rico I want to just say hi He has deleted the comments. He really does not like black women, but disabled is fine Well, someone's got a call. Are we calling? I want to just say hi. Hi. He has deleted the comments. He really does not like black women, but disabled is fine. So yeah, that is... You can be severely disabled, just not black. I feel like this is a guy who works with a guy who's slightly more... This guy's 80s.

He works with a guy who's like 90s in IQ. And that guy is like, oh, yeah, he's's 80s. He works for the guy who's like 90s and IQ. Yeah. Yeah, and that guy is like, oh Yeah, he's all like this said I tell you what I don't like I don't like this I don't like that if you want to date me you cannot be one of these things and he's like I want to be like don't be like Jim I might do that like Jim. Yeah Jim's got it together I'm gonna do that like Jim. Yeah, Jim's got it together in here. Yeah Jim is like you can do magic tricks on Jim. Yeah. Yeah, you can test out like do finger tricks He's oh what the hell Jim?

Speech impediment. Yeah He's like fucking black broads. No, thanks and he's like got it. No blank. No black Yeah, it's definitely the copying thing. Yeah. I want to be cool like Jim Jason. Can we call him? I don't think it would go well. I just saw your ad. Yeah, but if you're like, I'm black.

If you call him and say, you just be real sweet, you know, hey, I want to meet you. Hi. Hi. Is this Kevin. Hi, is this? Kevin? Hi, is this Kevin? Oh my God, I saw your ad. Can you call him real quick? Here we go.

Let's see. I'm so scared. The wireless customer you are calling is not available. Please try again later. Of course, of course. The customer of Novel Service who you are calling is not available. No voicemail?

Please try later. No, we'll move on. Mas tarde. Mas tarde. Bummer man. Such a bummer. Mas tarde. It's like fishing, you just gotta keep going. Yeah, yeah. I got some stuff to show you.

Oh, for me? For me? For me? Oh. Yeah. This was the uh. This New York City? This is in Brooklyn I think yeah. Oh my fucking god. Mistakes, mistakes. There's people up there.

It is crashing. Yeah, I know. I love when people state the obvious. Holy shit. That was like a month ago. Yeah, I remember this happened. Was it a boat from Mexico? Is that what it was? What's that flag? Yeah, Mexican Navy training, yeah. Whoa. Mexican Navy training? That's what it said, yeah. What kind of training is that? Training to do a reenactment or something like that?

Collided with the Brooklyn Bridge. Two deaths, injuries at least 19 others. The ship, which had been open to the public for four days, was in the process of leaving its pier when the incident occurred. Hit more, show more. Damn.. Damn. Collided with a... How do you say that? Kwa-he-te-mok? No wait, kwa-te-mok. Yeah. I have to pee so hard. I'm so sorry. Pardon me. I'll be right back. No problem. Don't say anything, okay?

Okay. Oh, okay. Just sit here quietly. Sit here quietly. Go to the contributing factors. I think it was the bridge was the main factor. I think that was the contributing factor. That was. The ship was backing out of its pier with the help of a tugboat when it began to

accelerate and drift north, possibly due to the combination of wind and current. Okay. And the bridge. That was the other huge factor. I think the bridge being lower than the height of the boat was probably the main thing. Yep. That'd be great if the report comes out. Turns out the bridge is too low for this boat, and that's what the problem was. Also, I bet it's a thing like they don't know how to sail

those because it's such an old boat you know. Yeah. Like they don't people don't know how to sail. Do you know how to sail? I don't even know how to sail. I have sailed. Yeah. But I don't feel like I couldn't like sail a boat though. No I couldn't either. I've been on a few and I feel like every time the people who know what they're doing start doing it I go yeah I'll just sit over here. Yeah. You guys do. it's so cool though It is cool. I mean, that's the best thing there is I sailing. Yeah, if I could that's what I would do I would just disappear how long you think it would take to actually learn how to do it Well, I think years really especially to have like the knowledge, you know, you know, you don't die

Don't die you can deal with you can deal with like situations that are there's that guy. I was following him for a while I just kind of forgot about him that I think he started it on TikTok where he, he was sailing. Solo sale. It was a solo sale. I saw that guy. Yeah. He was going first to Hawaii maybe. Or I don't know if it was like around the globe.

There's a couple guys. There's a guy I talked to years ago named Sam and he's a sailor. He's a lot of these guys who do solo sailing, but this guy. This one, this guy with the TikTok was like, I think it was like his first time, right? Like he. Wow. Oh yeah, he just learned to do it. He just was like, oh yeah.

Which seems insane to me. 2400 mile sailing voyage from Oregon to Hawaii. With, yeah, with his cat. He quit his job, used his retirement savings to fund the trip, documenting it on social media, lasted 25... It was his first time sailing outside of a river. Is he dead? No, I don't think so.

Because I follow him on the talk. Yeah. But he probably made a bunch of money from this, I bet. You think so? Yeah, you know, everybody got like a bottle of... Because he's filming so much of it, he's probably got some endorsements or something like that. I hope so. Or maybe he has a Patreon or something like that. Yeah.

Or donating to his cause. That's very cool though. I hope so. That's really cool. Do you think the cat likes being on a tiny boat? I think cats do like boats. They love water. Cats love to swim.

Cats do? Yeah, you didn't know that? No. Duh. Cats are always like that. I heard they'd hate water. No. Though they're sea cats.

Sea cats. Yeah, they love it out there it out there. It's like a sea do Exactly, and you can ride them the same way. That's really nice. He cat. Yeah, I didn't know that Learn something every day This is terrible. Did she just walk away? Yeah. That's so nuts. And then this person just got so lucky that they were up enough high on the hood. Yeah.

Because if they had been lower down, they would have just felt the impact. This is terrible. That is so crazy. Wait, is that what happened? Yeah, they're like... By tripping, dog. See? Oh, yeah, she's very lucky. Yeah This is a Honda commercial

Yeah, you're gonna treat I ran into a dollar tree yeah, you're going to jail for sure maybe Might get away good. Yeah, that car is fine. Yeah, I mean not fine, but working It's running still Jesus can't bust it there's Tanner Show this is that you Tanner? I thought that was me for a second. That looks just like him. I didn't know that was there. Ah! This is terrible.

This is like, that's like fucking, Fucking. Budapest's got talent. Yeah, that's just in Europe, for sure. What's that Miami quarterback? This is Tua. This is like Tua with the helmet off, you know what I mean?

Fuck, yeah. That was bad. Tua the, Yeah, the uh Dolphins quarterback How did he landed on his face or something? Oh yes Nicky Sniz Nick yeah This is literally hungry Polak talent I don't know No replica

No problem he is fine That sucks Yeah thanks for sharing That was great Alright here this will get you feeling better. Today was such a confidence boost for me. I'm so nervous to wear my pouch leggings outside of the house. And today I wore them on Camelback Mountain Hiking, okay? And I passed two groups of people and they actually complimented me. So, pouch leggings for the win.

Nice. Is there a link in the bio? Can we get these pouch leggings? I wouldn't mind some of those. I was gonna say, this feels like something I could see you doing. Yeah, if they make a no bull version. No bull?

No bull. Oh wow, yeah. No bull, dude. No bull. Uh-uh. God. Dude, take it out on a hike, that'd be great. Yeah, I mean it kinda would be fun if you,

I don't know. He met two groups of people that complimented him. I mean, were they gay, gay guy groups? Cause women are not gonna. Say, hey, nice pouch. No, no women. They're not, why not? Don't women like penises? They love penises.

I last saw her, women like penises. Yeah, why wouldn't women tell him, great job. Why wouldn't they say that to you? If you're a straight woman, I think you like a penis. That's true. There's certain types, maybe some gals would like. So you're telling me that's not sort of sexy? That's sort of weird and kind of like, what's going on here? I'm scared of this guy because he's basically naked, but he's the worst part of naked with the...

Like somehow you combine the worst part of naked with the worst part of clothing. Yeah. Right? That's so true. There's nothing worse than a legging, especially on a man. And then a penis pouch. A penis pouch. Please buy this and wear this on like Runyon Canyon and make a video of you terrifying girls.

Terrifying? A little 20 year old girl. Hi ladies. Hi ladies. Oh, God, I have to, I get in trouble. Tip of the cap? Yeah, well you have to have a fedora on too. And stop and go like, oh, my ladies, please pass by.

I don't know if you notice my pouch leggings. Please don't notice I'm at three quarters mass right now. Please don't mind me. You're making, you're taking me from half to three quarters. There you go. Oh, Rukia. Men's thermal underwear pants, thermal bottoms, long john bottoms with separate pouch.

Now let me ask you guys honestly, do you wish you could separate out your junk from the rest of you? Because it does get sweaty and sticky. Would this not help that problem? You mean like separate it, like detach it? No, like this. Always have a pouch.

Like I'm saying like- All pants have pouches. Would that be a nice thing? Right. Yeah. I bet this is more uncomfortable. To separate your stuff from your stuff. Yeah, I bet it feels really weird.

Unless you like it, I don't think it's, I bet it feels so weird that you would be like, constant, every step, you know if you have shoes that are too tight, every step is like, ah! Yeah, yeah. You're thinking about it. Can you clip on the other images? Cause look how they're poses.

So they have other, oh! Yeah. Wow. A lot of room for activities. No rolling down. So many activities. To the right, yeah. Special crotch design. What?

Is there different colors at least? Cause the black is like, you know, it's so, you can't see the penis that well. I'm gonna get a pair. Please do. I'm getting a pair. Yeah. Pouchwear. Pouchwear.

Pouchwear. Maybe I'll start a pouchwear line. That's a great idea. Just pouch stuff. Yeah. What if it also has a pouch in the back so you can shit in them and it just, you can shit in the pouch and it fills it

so it separates the shit from the rest of the thing so you can, you don't have to take your pants off, you just keep walking. Such a good idea. Keep walking, yeah. And then does the thing. So you can, you don't have to take your pants off. You just keep walking. Keep walking, yeah. And then does it, does the pouch open so you can leave it? It has option. Yeah. You can, if you want, if you want to evacuate and go,

you can, or you can vac and stack. Vac and stack, yeah. Vac and stack. Vac and stash. Yeah. The shit stash. That's fucking awesome. That's a great idea.

That is really good. I have always wanted that. Or you could contain it in a bag, like the diaper genie, like you shit into the bag and just kinda keep it there for later, I don't know, until you're ready to dump the bag. I used to think that was for real when I was a kid, like that's how astronauts did it.

So I was like, if you're in a space suit, what if you have to go to the bathroom? I was like, oh, there's probably like a special thing that like takes your shit. Yeah. What isn't there? How do they dump out there? They just don't shit.

What? What? No. If you're in a spacesuit. Oh, while you have it on. But I'm saying when you're on the space station, they have to have like. They have a special bathroom, but it's not like that special. You know what I mean?

It's kind of like, like, you're not like shooting into like a special machine. It's just like a, honestly, you know what? I don't know. Uh. Is it like a funnel? I think it's not. Let's do, let's do toilets on the space station. I thought I knew, but I was really like,

wait, it's been so long since I've seen it. I don't remember. Is it like when you go to the dentist and you spit into that? See, I don't think it is that. That funnel? That's what it'd be. See, that's not that, it's not that special. Right, but what did it is that. That funnel? That's what it be.

See, that's not that special. Right, but what does it say? You're right, it's not. It does look like a turlet, but like. It says, is equipped with specially designed toilets to accommodate the unique conditions of space. These toilets use a vacuum system to collect waste, preventing it from floating around.

System uses a fan-driven suction to pull urine and feces away from the body into the collection containers. But it's gotta be just right. And then do you get to shoot it out into space? Oh, I hope so. Because that'd suck to bring it back. I bet they'd bring it back.

Oh, it is burned up in Earth. Oh, wait. It's collected in bags and eventually burned up in Earth's atmosphere when the cargo ship returns to Earth. Sure. Yeah, I bet it does. And I bet you gotta have a turd on deck when you sit down. Like there's no leisurely. Yeah, but what if you don't have a turd? What if you don't have, what if you're loose? Like get your magazines and just start reading.

Like those people that were just trapped in space for months and months and months, like maybe they could take leisurely dumps because they weren't working. Like this lady. Prepare for my Dom session with me. So the prep for this session starts the night before because this man likes to be on. If you are new here. Yes, we do this every single month. We lol. I wanted Jamaican food. So we got Jamaican food this time. Of course, I have to try to eat it all. If you know about Jamaican food, this was so much food, but I did my, Once I'm at the hotel, it's a real quick session, about 20 minutes in and out I do my thing

and then I make a f***ing bag. Always a bag. Since y'all were saying that I was capping in the last video, I decided to provide the receipts so there's the deposit, the food receipt, the food return, and the remainder of the bag. Yeah obviously she can't have possibly falsified this. Those are all, that's all proof. That's all proof that that happened. of the bag. Yeah, obviously she can't have possibly falsified this. Those are all, that's all proof.

That's all proof that that happened. 100%. I want to make a video that says like, all right, it's time again. It's time when I go and shit on this guy for 500 bucks. Dude, do that video. I'm gonna make it, I'm gonna make it. It's like, you guys didn't believe me.

You thought I was capping, but here we go. Here we go. Look, this is money. How could I have got this money other than shitting on a man? Here's receipts. You guys didn't believe me. You thought I was capping, but here we go. Here we go. Look, this is money. Yep. How could I have got this money other than shitting on a man? Here's receipts. These are receipts.

Also, when you pay somebody, it's all in like 2020, 2020, and then, I don't know. I don't pay people. There's a literally, no. I mean, it's like. Oh, but also too, as somebody that's taken laxatives for like colonoscopy or whatever. Oh, you've got-

I just got one last week. Oh. But it takes more than an hour. Like she drank that laxative, she's like, and then an hour later I shit. I'm like, not really, unless you're taking like the high-powered colonoscopy. Well, she's a professional. You know what this lady needs to hear? She needs to hear from this fucking guy. Stop being afraid to tell a bitch no. No. Fuck no.

I ain't having it. Jesus Christ. Stop being afraid to tell a bitch no Is this the marathon runner who smokes Yeah, he always goes pretty cool Oh All these downloads that's all the fuck he did Just showing me when his tits is he doing on purpose? Yes Of course, he's did you do that when you talk? I don't know That's a line. That's a line is very very clear Filthy that damn fucking industry is that damn our fucking industry is. That's all that shit is. Motherfuckers are getting exposed.

No, you don't flex that much when you talk. All the fucking fetishes they got is shit. DLs and downloads. DLs. Y'all need to let that man go. Let that man go. Go home to his fucking family. PDD?

Yeah. She didn't get back to poppin' and doing his thing. Nobody give a party like fucking diddy. Stop playing with me. There you go. Yeah, he was at the parties. Yeah. He knows about those parties.

Yeah, it's one of the few people who's out there being like, come on, man, let him go. Let diddy go. Diddy did it. Who's the, oh, is this the guy I was looking for? I think so, yeah. Is this guy South African? I just feel like he's South African, he's gotta be.

I know. I think he's from Colorado. From fucking Colorado. He's from Colorado. And he's a smoker? He's a smoker and a photographer. See, look at that chest though. He's got that ultra marathon runner chest, super wide.

Like he's like, that's like a future human, like a Martian. Incredible, man. No, it's just genetics. Hit images. Oh, it's definitely that. My oncologist was telling me, like there are people who have lung cancer

or didn't smoke a day in their lives, and then people like that smoke forever fine fine running ultra marathons yeah it's incredible yeah here's some of your faves for Johnnie right here this is my uncle Steve with his pet that's a cougar right? Yeah, listen to that thing. Jesus Christ. Is it blot? Portuguese? Blot. No.

Wow. No, that's fucking insane. I mean he had to have raised that from a tiny thing. Maybe it's sedated? No. It's fucking insane. I mean, he had to have raised that from a tiny thing. Maybe it's sedated? No, I think it just knows him. Yeah. He's super comfortable with it.

No, thanks. Those things are cool though. They are beautiful. I do wanna die by a puma at some point. That's a way, I'd rather do that than extreme sporting of any kind. Yeah. Like petting a puma, sleeping with one,

and then you wake up or it wakes up in the middle of the night forgetting where it is, and then it's easy and kills you. Yeah, it'd be a fun way to go. It'd be fast. It'd be real fast. Because it'd go right through the throat. Oh yeah, those things are killer.

If it's in your sleep, you're like, great. That's how I want to die in my sleep. It's the awesome dream to go out on. But real talk, if I get like so sick again, and this time it's like stage four cancer, like just get me a pet puma. Done. I clipped this. Pet puma please. Just let it run through the house. Today could be the day. You know what a semi-dried tomato is. They've been concentrated enough that they are bitter and sweet at the same time. They

have big flavor and easy chew and you don't have to do anything to them. Nothing. You have to do anything to them. You don't have to reconstitute them. Worry about their salt content or anything like that. Okay. This is Rachel Ray, right? Yeah. Yeah. So Rachel Ray, I mean, it's all over the talk. It's just something's going on here. And this is, she looks better, like she actually has makeup on and she looks a little, but something's going on.

And I like, what is it? What do you think's happening here? Cause there's not the same person that it was. Semi-dried tomatoes, that's what's going on right now. Easy chew. What, easy chew? Like what is, what? Is this for old people?

I think so. She's nothing got something in her mouth Yeah, I Did you try a tune on a little fan? Little fan puck. Oh There's more of her. Yeah, I lived in New York as a very young woman What is I was very very poor and I didn't want to bother my mother. I didn't want her to feel very poor and I didn't want to bother my mother. I didn't want her to feel scared for me. Look how cute she was. So I would never ask for money. I didn't have any. Eventually I did a show called $40 a day and that was my budget for a whole week. I would buy a week's

food and I only had $40. I always felt so grateful that I came from people this is making me uncomfortable can I go to the next one yeah is it sickness or hi babies this is Julie follow me oh this is got her die-die on oh god is Oh God. Is this her or is this she's like servicing the people who want this? I don't know She's got her die-die on though How do you feel about adult diaper play? I mean, I don't like it. Yeah, I don't want to do it But uh, I mean, I don't know. It's probably better than buying a gun. I mean. True, yeah.

Better than buying like a gun and using it. Yeah, yeah. In public. If those are your two options, go for the gun. It seems like that might be the two options. You have to either like. It'd be funny if at the end of this video she's like, and I chose this over a gun.

Over shooting up a place that people I don't know are at. Ah. So now I wear my dye dye to the movies. I did not dig up my mother and kill her again. Now I do diaper. Instead of killing my father's remaining friends, I am doing diaper. I make a poo poo in my dye dye.

I make a poo poo with my di di. I make a poo poo. It feels good. Oh my god, why are you wearing a mask in 2025? Oh boy. We're in a pandemic. We are not in a pandemic. What is that? Are you laughing at me? No, I'm coughing. Sorry. I'm sick. Well, good one. Hard, hard life. What are you thinking?

I always think that those people are just, you know, it's like you found something, found something to be about and it's got to be hard to be that person. And you need to be about something. Yeah. Yeah, either you're an obese Disney adult trying to fit into rides, or you're like the masked person that's like, COVID's not over. I'm an identity. Getting to Legos.

Oh, yeah, Legos are good. Awesome. They're expensive. They are awesome. And you can build massively impressive things as an adult. You can make your own. You can chart your own course. Yeah. Do you remember that on the menu of Red Lobster?

Oh, chart your own course? I remember that. It was the hardest I ever laughed in my entire life. This is like forever ago with my family. My parents did not want to go to Red Lobster. My dad does not like shit like that at all. And we were like, we saw the commercials. Can we please go to Red Lobster? My dad and my mom took us to Red Lobster. My dad's like fucking hating it, right? Just hating it. We're in Red Lobster. It's my brother gets the menu.

He's probably like 12 years old, and he's looking at this section and he goes like, excuse me, I like this order from the section of chart your own course. Like that's the subheading is chart your own course. It's like, oh my God, just that like, that like, that style of writing, you know, like big time shareables or hand grabbables. Now that shit was like, ah, fucking kill me. You're surrounded by grease. Everything is so covered in butter. You can't even walk because the tiles are slick with butter.

With butter, it's true. And you're underground, like in some Minnesota, like subway, it was like an underground. I know. And your dad's just like, let's get the fuck out of here. Yeah. I like to chart my own course.

That's funny. Oh, shrivels. What was their, what was their, cheat the cheesy bread? Oh, Cheddar Bay Biscuits. Cheddar Biscuits. So good. Yeah, those are famous.

Sorry, Cheddar Bay Biscuits. Cheddar Bay Biscuits, yeah. It's from the Bay. It famous. Sorry, Cheddar Bay biscuits. Cheddar Bay biscuits, yeah. It's from the Bay. It's from the Bay, yeah. It's the classic, oh, it's that cheddar from Boston, that back home cheddar. Yeah. Do they still have a Red Lobster?

Yeah. That shit was good. There's a few. I think that Red Lobster got tanked by private equity. Yeah. I think there's a few around, right? There's a few, yeah. All those 90s restaurants really were great.

Claim jumper, you got your Sizzler, your Chili's, your Applebee's, your, well yeah, steak and all you can eat shrimp at Sizzler. Oh my God, my dad, what did he love? Fridays. Fridays, these are all good places. Friday's is good, they got the steak and shrimp. Jack Daniel's steak and shrimp. The Jack Daniel's, I remember liking the Jack Daniel's

dip, it was a lot. He was like, it's a great deal, you know? $27. Great deal? Oh my God, it's so funny. But that was so good, yeah, it was reasonably priced and it was a big night out. Where you wanna go, buddy? Fridays, Chili's? Fridays?

Yeah. Chili's. We would never get to go to those places. Applebee's. Applebee's was the big one where I grew up. Yeah, Applebee's. Applebee's was new, it was in its own building on the side of the mall, it was always packed.

It was packed like, you'd be lucky to get to Applebee's. You'd be lucky. You have to know somebody. I gotta connect at Applebee's. You have to fucking know somebody to get in Applebee's. Hey, you dialed in at Applebee's? I know a guy. I work with him at the club.

Yeah. At the club. I know this guy, yeah. I can make a call. Not Saturday, get the fuck out of here. I'll get you in on a Tuesday. I remember Black Angus or Outback Steakhouse? Outback, yeah.

When you would go to do the Brea improv from LA all the way to Brea on the 60 East, there was a Black Angus and for years, the G was unleashed. So every time. Black Angus? No, G. Yeah, the G was gone black no way yeah always always from the highway you can see black that's what you saw

for years first time I saw it I was like oh yeah it'll be black anus yeah yeah they're gonna fix it no black anus no No blacks though. There's probably someone who works there. No blacks. No, don't by message me. Don't, uh, if you're slightly overweight, if you have a, if you have a husband or boyfriend. You're enunciating way too much. If you have kids, even if they don't live with you, don't marry me. Oh, it says overweight people publicly weighed and ordered to slim down in Turkey, which I think is wonderful. Yeah, that sounds like a really cool government. I love it.

Shout out to the Turks. This is what we need to be doing in America. There you go, man. There's a lot of things we got to be doing. That's one of them. Definitely. That would be fun to be doing in America. There you go, man. There's a lot of things we got to be doing That's one of them definitely Real well in the US of a entire state of Mississippi, it's like well you guys are just all under house arrest For years. Yeah. All right. We got a wrap though

Go see Johnny Pemberton on tour. It's Johnny Pemberton dot dog for dates He's coming back to play Thaddeus in fallout. Yes Fantastic movie when as soon as you can see mermaid go see it and of course he's in bad thoughts which is streaming on Netflix right now Always great to see you man. Always. Thank you for coming. Thank you for coming. All right, bye guys. Bye. Bye. I'm whispering a little bit because my woman is sleeping. These are three day warm panties. Panties, panties, panties.

Erection achieved. Erection achieved. Erection achieved. Erection fucking achieved This nigga give me a boner This nigga give me a boner A 19 year old girl, dark hairy asshole And a dark pussy, teenage panties And I also paid extra for her not to wipe her

pussy after this Cause I'm monopolizing her vagina, right? Shit, mixed with piss, mixed with fucking teenage pussy juice Or the bungle, that's alright, let's give it a whiff Pussy juice This is giving me a boner Oh that is pungent You can smell some shit With a pussy that was not wiped After a lesson Her panties have a very similar smell Pungent and nasty

This is how it boys. This is how it boys. I paid an extra for the three days of wearing. I never tipped women. I never tipped women. Cause I felt like I was the tip. Let's give it a whiff. Oh.

I'm reaction achieved. I'm reaction achieved. Oh. I'm reaction achieved. I'm reaction f**king achieved. Oh. This is giving me a boner. Direction achieved, direction fucking achieved This nigga give me a boner This nigga give me a boner Thanks for watching guys!