Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - A YMH Fart Scandal | Your Mom's House Ep. 769

Episode Date: July 24, 2024

SPONSORS: - Head to https://www.squarespace.com/MOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code MOM - Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/mom or through my promo code MOM. This week on Your Mom's House Podcast, the Main Mommies tackle a scandal inside YMH Studios involving a rogue fart and a wave of accusations. Before that Tina talks about some dark thoughts she's been having and Tim catches her up on something she had missed when Sal Vulcano came around. They also re-live the YMH Exclusive moment from last week's episode with The Black Keys. We also get some fun videos of Alec Baldwin, some Horrible or Hilarious clips, and much more! Your Mom’s House Ep. 769 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Good and welcome to another episode of your mom's house. You're looking very British today. Thanks Mike. Thanks love I'm inspired this week by Oasis. Do you know that I just fucking remembered? I saw Oasis in 1998, but because I have so many holes in my brain and I've done so many drugs, I couldn't, you know, like your memories become dreamlike. You found them very attractive, you said. Well, hold on. So I texted my friend Shane. I'm like, did we fucking see Oasis in 1980s? Like, yes, we fucking did. I do, I think they were so cool. You don't think the Gallagher brothers were like super cool?

Yeah, they're cool. Oasis is cool. So fucking cool. I didn't know you wanted to like, you know, get in there. Well, I mean, you're just gonna go into it like this? This is crazy. I'm just saying. This is crazy, you're just gonna go.

We did mention, we should say before we got on mic, we were discussing who I would DP with, but you have to understand that. When I talk about DP's, I'm not talking about 2024 mother of two children, old ass Christina P. I'm talking like prime Christina P. Like I'm 21 years old. Maybe I'm in Australia. I'm on road rules.

I looked thin. I was so skinny. I had great perky's and listen, listen, I see Oasis, 1998, the Be Here Now tour. And maybe Noel and Liam are like, Hey, there's a good looking bird. And I go in the back and then they're like, Oh love, would like to do a little bit of the

DP little dr. Pepper and then I'm like, what's the DP and like I got show you come out here and then Each of them takes a hole the Gallagher brothers. There we go. Oh, come on. How cool are those guys? Exactly. Come on Come on Liam's got a wonky eye This is what you're into. No, 1998 Christina was into. Yeah, but the fact that you can look at this pic and be like, yeah, both at the same time. Yeah.

Yes, I'm the finger cuff in the DP. Jesus Christ. You also said it like, you're like, this is what everyone wants. And of course, Heather was like, I've never, she was like, I've never had that thought in my life Because she's 28 years old she didn't see Noel and Liam in their prime

No but she's seen other people and she's 28 So she's never had that thought You're the sick one you don't get that? The what? She hasn't had that thought and she's in her prime Because she's a young sweet girl I'm just saying that I think about everything I consider all options I think saying that I think about everything.

I consider all options. I think about aliens. I think about who I would DP with. This type of spin. Who would you DP with? Are you a litigator? Who would you DP with? Listen to her spinning.

I went to law school for two whole weeks. She's like, I think about aliens. I think about all kinds of things. It's called being an introspective person, Tom. It's called enjoying your own brain. You don't understand, I go on flights. You know what I do? What? I just sit there and I think.

Yeah. I don't need entertainment, bro. It's all fucking right here, homie. Yeah, that's cool. You don't think about who you would DP with. You've never considered, hey, hey, who am I gonna DP? I've got an arena show. I'm, girls are just lining up.

Mm-hmm. Who are you gonna? Who's gonna join me in the DP? Yes. Never thought of show. I'm girls are just lining up. Who are you gonna join me in the DP? Never thought of it. It's not Burt. He'll fuck it up. He's such a goofball. No I would definitely would not DP with him. What about Brad Pitt? No. Because he's so much better looking than you. That would be disastrous. He's like 60. He's better looking than all of us babe, not just you Who would you DP with? I've never thought of it. Well, the time is now you're the only whore in the building No one thought of this, but I'm actually technically one of the only women in the building and all of them are

Two other ones that all of them don't have your thoughts not true Well, let's talk about me is niana there Heather thought about it. She did not she made it very clear She's like I've never thought of this niana. Where's niana? Let's ask her if she's thought about DPS fine in the end Of course she thought about it. You don't tell me you've never thought about who you know DP No, and she has never thought she just you keep going back to her She said she's never thought of it. She were in the meeting She just hadn't thought about it yet She's like this thought has never occurred to me because she's very sweet. Heather's a good nice lady. I am a degenerate I

Like thinking about stuff. Yeah, we have an update from the end. Okay Says I've never thought about it in my fucking life. She popped her head in and then left immediately. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you see? Well, look, but this is, can I tell you something?

Hooker vibes. Can I tell you something? What's up? This is what makes me unique. No. And special. That is true. And it also.

I am not like everyone else, Tom. It also upholds the, about how I met you, how I thought you were a prostitute, because I was not that far off. When I met you, I was like, oh, this lady working the streets. Your honor, may I say this? What?

Yes, I may think about a Liam and Noel Gallagher DP in 1998. Have I ever done it? Go ahead, answer the question. Have I ever done it? You tell. Answer the question. Have I ever done it? You tell us. I don't know. No.

No, mate. You know why? Because I can think these dark thoughts. I don't have to act on them. Okay. All right. Here we go. I'm not upset at you are of who I would choose for the

DPA. It's so funny. Oh, shit. You fucker. You fucker. You fucking shit. You fucking asshole. And then I grabbed them and massaged them slowly, slightly, and gently.

This is big time! Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Why are you fucking playing this? It's Noel Gallagher. Welcome, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. God damn. With Tom Segura. Tom Segura.

And Christina Pazitzi. Christina Pazitzi. Welcome to your mom's house. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow You know what? I just thought of something. What?

You know what? This guy and I have in common. What? We both think about DP's a lot probably. You probably, you do. This is actually your DP partner. He's one of them. You know what I do like is that he's got little scabs on his face. He's been doing a little meth. That's okay, it's okay. Meth keeps you thin. Also, you both, like you said,

you have it going on in here. You said, I don't have to look at anything. It's all happening in here. It's all in here, dude. And guess what? That's what's happening in there too. I love it. That's not happening in real life,

but it's happening in his mind. Yep. As I touch her hips with my fingertips, and then go to her butt cheeks with my fingertips. Wait, from the hips to the butt cheeks. And then I go to the pussy lips with my fingertips. Okay. The pussy lips.

He was so respectful on the other terminology. Yeah. Well, he's got to get in there somehow. I feel nauseous. I literally want to, I want to barf now. Yeah, he's got to get in there somehow What do you not like about it it's like I feel like we can't win We can't win as men. It's like the guy's telling you like a sexy sweet bitch Yeah, it's like you don't like a minute ago. You're talking about two dicks at the same time This guy's telling like a sweet story and you're like, uh A sweet story. Yeah, this is a romantic story

This guy's like painting a picture for you. He isn't listen That's true. This is not different than a lot of uh, pornography women's read. This is way softer than this is like mom pornography Yeah, so what's your problem? Oh, you're right. Maybe I should give him a try Yeah, maybe you should just open up your heart and your arms right. Maybe I should give him a try. Yeah, maybe you should just open up your heart and your arms to him. I'll give him a try, you're right. As I touch her inner thigh next to it, I then go up and down her thigh with my fingertips.

And then just slightly and gently. Ah! It becomes soaked and ejaculates white sticky stuff. What? This guy's awesome. Oh dude. Get a hundred of these ready to go. He's ready though. He's ready to go.

He is ready. I do like that. That's what you need at a DP. You need fucking people to be ready. Yep. What show is it we were watching with the big prosthetic cock in it? A Man and Fool. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's why they is it that we were watching with the big prosthetic cock in it? A Man in Full. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's why they titled it that.

That's pretty cool. That was too prosthetic looking though. It was very fake looking. I wish they would have gotten a more authentic looking unit. And they had a budget, so that was the best they could do. Yeah, it's very disappointing.

I know. Because they could have gotten a stand in like at the end of Salt burn mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Like there's dudes with like real big ones a stand-in No, they should get a stand-in cock I was saying they could the salt burn one doesn't compare to the prosthetic if it were erect. I think you would I don't think so No, the one and now we're really having a debate here. I mean- I think the Saltburn Dick.

Would look like the one in- If it were erect? I think you're blacking out on what you saw on A Man in Full. Yeah, that's not the same thing. You think that one's way bigger than the Saltburn. Yeah, there's no comparison. Yeah.

Oh, potato potata. The Dick Detectives. I mean, Saltburn was like fine. That was so cool. That wasn't like what we were seeing in A Man and a Fool. That was a fucking rager. You didn't see the difference really? I'm just imagining, but listen, the salt burn was...

Flaccid. Correct. So I don't know, I'm only hypothesizing what it would look like. I'm just thinking about it. I don't know. I don't know, I'm postulating sweetie. That's what we do as scientists.

Yeah, but it's clear, like anybody who's seen penises before, right? Penwees understand that what you saw there would not be what you saw. Translate to that bit. Yeah. Okay, well yeah, forgive me. Shane Morgan. Are you guys friends with the Insane Clown Posse?

Never met them. Oh, well they were in here and we love to ask musicians this question. There's only two of you in the band Have you guys ever gone airtight? I don't know airtight means but I can imagine I mean you guys are close. How close have you been? I mean Pretty close

Oh, okay But on a chick you guys have gone airtight I mean pretty close On a chick you guys are gonna tie it over You know, there's no air seeping out of her, you know, I mean wow, I thought that was called a tower of power Well actually to be airtight Gabe would have to join the band Yeah, I there's three inputs. But yeah, Eiffel Tower, I guess. Is that a yes? Because you guys are kind of weird about it. Oh shit, it is. Come on.

Oh my God, it's the Navy. It wasn't a no, it wasn't a no. They've been in the band forever, they're rock stars. Of course they have. They're like, which city? What are you talking about? That's so awesome. Yeah, which time, yeah, of course they've done that're like, which city? What are you talking about? That's so awesome.

Yeah, which time? Yeah, of course they've done that. That's so exciting. Well, transitioning out of the airtight story. OK. All right. Pretty crazy. Wow.

I mean, it feels like. This is a YMH exclusive. YMH exclusive. YMH. I mean. I mean, did we just get to the black keys of DP? Yes, dude. Multiple people?

Yes, because it wasn't a denial. It wasn't a denial. And they looked really embarrassed. They did. That was the most emotion we got out of those two, that whole interview. They were like drinking the water. It's always the quiet ones.

I know. It's always the quiet ones. It's not the ones that I like know. It's always the quiet ones. It's not the ones that I, I use the term lead with sex. Yeah. The people that put out that they're into sex are never, and then the ones who are like, oh, you know, yeah, I like to read or whatever. Then they're like, yeah, I DP all the time, yeah.

And also, what other reason is there to start a band with your best friend? And to bang chicks. It's what it's all about. It's a two-guy operation. It's made for DP. Yeah. That's what it's all about. It's a two-guy operation. It's made for DP. That's all they probably did. I know.

Was touring DP. It's perfect. Yeah, it's probably the name of the next tour. It's the DP tour. Yeah, they probably didn't count. They're literally thinking about, like, have we done that? Like, that's what we've been doing. That's what we do.

That's what we do. The black keys. The black cocks. The black keys. It's not called the black key we do. The black keys. The black cocks. It's not called the black key. No. It's keys. Plural and they go in the locks.

There's two. What's up guys? Wednesday, August 7th, I will be appearing at the Asheville Comedy Festival in Asheville, North Carolina. Then the next day, Thursday, August 8th, I'm at the Berglund Center in Roanoke, Virginia. Tickets and all info is at tomscigara.com slash tour. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting

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Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. See dkng.co slash MMA for eligibility and deposit restrictions, terms, and responsible gaming resources. Yeah, and you know what's interesting though, I was thinking about. So the ICP guys, I feel like watching those two DP would be gay, but the rocker guys, not gay. Not gay. Is your, like the company you keep,

does it make it gay or not gay? Yeah. Like construction workers, they're blue collar guys. If they were to do a DP, not gay. Not gay, I thought you said blue collar is gay. It depends on the type of blue collar. Wow, this is another layer to it. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay.

I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay.

I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay.

I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay be seen as gay. Right. Right? Yeah. Okay, but I'm thinking like... Army guys? That's...

Well, it's supposed to be really prevalent in the Navy, right? Yeah. They're always doing crazy shit. We read those airtight stories, it was all Navy based. Mostly military. Okay, so that's not gay. Because they're the most hardcore alphas there are. They're fighting and defending the country.

That's right. And then like MMA guys, D.P.ing? Totally not gay. That's so masculine, right? Yeah, I guess. But rappers D.P.ing is gay shit. Just because in that world, they're just super homophobic. They're super homophobic.

But it's just, see, that doesn't even really make sense. It's like, it's either gay or it isn't that's true But for some reason in my mind like okay like surges these guys like doctors dp. Get it It's so gay like to see your doctor You're getting close you definitely have to be more comfortable around dicks and other naked guys Would you dp you probably wouldn't know no not what I'm into any definitely not no man I ain't touching my dick see the man's dick, but well you don't touch his dick. Yeah, we are though if we deep in

Well, you're not touching it balls are probably touching. It's close enough. It's pretty cool It's it's through a thing. I ain't gonna touch my man's dick through a fucking sheet neither like yeah No, so you do you think it's gay to DP? I think it's something that I would not want to do. Right, but like if two guys were like, yeah, we DP'd this shit, would you be like, that's gay? No, you're not gay. I mean, we're not friends anymore, but you're not gay.

Can I tell you something? But you're not friends. Can I tell you something now? You're gonna hate me. This whole time, I haven't been thinking about one in the pink and one in the stink. I've been thinking about airtight, one in the front, one in the back.

This whole time, I've just been thinking. One in the front was the front. That's airtight, that's almost airtight. Airtight's three. I know, but we don't have a third one in my scenario because I don't want one in my butt. This whole time, I've just been thinking about who gets the front and just who gets the other one.

What's the front to you, the mouth? The mouth, yeah, the mouth and then the vag. That's what I was thinking of, sorry, when I was thinking of the Gallagher brothers. I just wanna revive, I don't want you to think that I want one in my ass and one in my vag. That's not what I'm interested in. Understood, you want one in your mouth

and one in your vag. Yes. Got it, got it. Yeah, that's nice. Who's where, Liam in the mouth? Oh, I didn't even think about it. I haven't even gone that far. Well, you know, you're thinking about it now, so why don't you think about it.

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. Well, do you consider one of those more of a prize? I think I'd rather hang out socially with Noel than Liam. Okay. Well, what I'm saying is, when you're thinking of this DP scenario. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm thinking of airtight scenario.

Just let me finish the fricking sentence. When you're thinking of this scenario, one in the mouth, one in the badge, if it's two men, whoever it is, do you go, whoever's more attractive, you prefer? Ooh, that's interesting. Yeah, where does that person go? Where does the more desirable of the two go?

Here's what's interesting. I'm thinking of who's smaller goes in my mouth. What if they're the same size? You don't have an attract, it's not attraction based? Okay, the null gets the vag. Is that the prize? Yeah, he's better. So I'll be like, you get the badge. Yeah.

I think I just, you just ruined your chance of doing this. Why? Because I mean, you could have gotten them together maybe, but now you're like, you're better. You think Liam's better? They haven't talked for years. My offer of airtight is not gonna bring the Gallagher brothers back.

It's not gonna bring Oasis back. No one will know now. No one will know, cause you just ruined it. I Can't bring Oasis back. Nobody can't so Noel is the badge guy. Yeah Yeah, cuz then I'd be like did you like that? Yeah, this is but also this is me 1998 and he'll be like, yeah Cool, so I'll be like, well, let's hang out. Do you want to like talk? It's a date again Whereas if I just gave him a BJ, there's no hope no, no, but Liam's in your mouth Yeah, but I don't want to date Liam. I want to know I BJ, there's no hope of the future. No, no, but Liam's in your mouth. Yeah, but I don't want to date Liam, I want to date Noel.

I know, but Noel's going to be like, well, yeah, but you blew my brother too. So like, how serious can this be? I don't know if I want to hang out. You were blowing my brother a second ago. But there's a lot of drugs happening too. Oh, okay. The reason and the logic are off. You have a lot of trauma to talk about.

You got a lot of problems. You got a lot of problems. Here, let's switch this up to this. A lot of problems. You got a lot of problems here. Let's switch this up to this. Wait, free Palestine. Fuck Israel. Fuck Zionism. Please say it. One time.

That's how I feel whenever I see somebody post that shit on their Instagram. That was just some random cornering Alec Baldwin being like, free Palestine, say it. It's fucking crazy. What the fuck, man? I don't know.

Going up to notable people and just being like, say the thing I want you to say. It's very bizarre behavior. That poor man's already beaten up enough. Yeah. With all the kids and the wife and then- The murder trial. I mean, he's on his last... Look at him. Yeah, man's already beaten up enough. Yeah. All the kids and the wife and then murder trial. I mean, he's on his last. Look at him. Yeah, he's beat up. I know. He used to be so handsome too. Oh my gosh. He's just. Yeah. I've had people message me, are you never going to

comment? Oh, on like Palestine, Israel. Really? You want a comedian? You don't want to say that. So if I can weigh in on this, on a war, like finally, stand up comics have made it clear what we should do in the Middle East. Not qualified in the least. That's, but that's today's climate. They don't just let you have your opinion. Now you have to have, you have to state what you believe in or what they want you to believe in. It's so weird That's why like we're not and then nothing happens when you say what to think You who you stand with like nothing actually you don't get no one gets anything out of that No, that person just goes. Oh cool. You said the thing I want you to say Great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's a weird time. You know whose side I'm on I'm on the side of just war baby. I just love Wars happening all over the place. Yeah, me too. Yeah Employed, you know what I mean? It's like I want I want that fucking Halliburton to keep building. Yes Yeah

More more machines built more planes, fighter jets. Yep. And also this anti-colonialism, like America's bad, we kinda like, yeah dude, that's how you became number one. Don't you like being number one? Fucking just start a new war today. That's what I wanna hear. And then we can build McDonald's

after we bombed your shit up. That's the best part is that now there's a McDonald's in all these cool countries. Are we gonna open a McDonald's or what? I would love to. I really wanna become a franchise owner. I do too. I just wanna have a Mickey D's to go to.

Then roll up and they're like, how you doing Tom? Like you're the man. Do you put your picture up in the McDonald's so everybody knows you own it, so your fans can go there? Of course. Do one of these in the picture. Oh yeah, MacDowell's.

Yeah. So I went to, I go to the one by our house all the time with the boys. And you know how we say I love you mommy, I love you, thank you love. So I've been doing that still. And I go there like once a week. And so I go to the drive through and I'm like,

thank you love, I love you. I was just goofing, the kids were laughing. And then we get the fries and the Coke and then I drive away and he goes, thank you love. He says, oh, like you sweet little idiot. I was like, oh, he fucking caught me, dude. They always, whenever I take them to a drive-thru, as soon as I order, we pull up to the next,

they go, you didn't say I love you. And I go, okay, I'll do it here. And then they like look at me and I go, thank you, I love you. And I go, okay, I'll do it here. And then they like look at me and I go, thank you, I love you. And then they're like, yeah. This morning, the best thing happened, Julian goes, do you know who has the best music? And I go, who?

He goes, D-A-D, you do. I go, thanks man. He goes, I don't like mom's music. And I go, nobody does. It is lame. And I go, nobody does. It is lame. And I go, you gotta tell her that, okay? Tell her her music is lame. He does now, thank you for doing that.

Every time I play my stuff in the car, he's like, this is not good music. Dad's music is better. I like dad's music. I'm like, what is he making me listen to? And then he sings, what's that song you played for me the other day? Express yourself.

I played them NWA, Express Yourself. Oh, Express, yeah. I played them NWA, Express Yourself, yeah. And I thought it was the original Express. I'm like, oh, that's a good one, Express Yourself. And then you're like, no, no, it's this version. I'm like, really, dude? You're gonna let our kid have NWA at the age of five? It's cool.

It is cool. But here's the thing, you don't want your kids to be lame. So either way, we're not playing gay shit for our kids. Maybe he'll go into school and be like, have you heard NWA's express yourself? And then we'll get a call from the teacher. For sure. For sure, but our kids aren't dorks.

And that's like, A number one, dude. My parents didn't listen to gay ass shit. No, gay ass shit sucks, bro. It fucking sucks, homie. My dad listened to like The Stones, The Beatles. Hendrix. Fucking Hendrix, homie, all day. Sit in the dark and listen to it too. He would sit in the dark, get drunk, The Beatles, Hendrix, fucking Hendrix, homie, all day. Sit in the dark and listen to it too.

He would sit in the dark, get drunk, and listen to Hendrix full volume, which is so scary as a little girl. For a kid, yeah, I'm sure you're like, oh, are you upset, dad? And he's like, shut up and listen. We'd sit in the dark together and just zone out on Hendrix. The road to getting engaged can be long and full of memories

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He loved Motown. Yes, which is always good. Always on, and he had every compilation, always Diana Ross, The Supremes, Temptations, Jackson, all of it. So that was my introduction to that, which was great. Motown's great. And then he would get into, oh my God,

like a fucking savant type. He would get, listen to a song. Like when, remember when Seal had those two hits? Kiss from a Rose? Yeah, was he never gonna survive? So he would get that on CD in the car, Kiss from a Rose. Oh God, that song.

And then it would end, and then he would just go, click, and repeat it, and you'd keep driving. You'd hear the song again, and then he'd go, boop. And then you'd end and then he would just go click and repeat it and you draw and keep driving You hear the song again, and then he'd go boop and then you go hey, man Like how many times we can listen he goes I like the song like all right, and it would be like eight listens in a row He does that and then he got into he got into Beyonce that was always funny to me that he was really into Beyonce. Yeah. Yeah. What was his jam? I don't know It was but it would always just repeat the song repeat repeat. All right. Yeah

Kind of a lot man. Yeah our kid likes He likes like pop music like Justin Timberlake. He loves Latin music He loves Latin stuff, but I really hate pop music. But he likes to dance, he likes dance songs. Dance, dance, dance. He likes Michael Jackson. I like MJ, I always loved MJ, because I grew up on that.

Your music, yeah, you like, so like I learned in drums, you know, the different types of beats, like a lot of your music is disco based beats. But so is New Wave, an alternative. A lot of that's like disco beat turned dark. Oh wow, it's like I'm talking to a real drummer right now. I kind of am.

But yeah, but after driving with you, we drove to, where was it, Houston or Dallas? I forget now. Houston. And after like fucking four hours of that shit dude, I felt like. I know, you're like, bro I wanna listen to some goth shit. Something dark. I mean, your level of joy, do you feel this joy in your heart?

Do you know what I'm saying, like are you this happy all the time when you listen to this music? Is this a reflection of what's going on inside? No, I like sad music the most. I listen to sad songs all the time. But I used to, your shit's gay. I used to like sad. Fine, well what's sad? What do you like? You like Radiohead, I like sad music the most. I listen to sad songs all the time. But I just don't, yours just gay. I just like sad. Fine. What's that? What do you like? You like Radiohead? That's so

depressing. It's depressing. I like listening to it. See, I like dark, but not depressing. Oh, I like depressing. I want to cry when I'm listening to those songs. Oh, I don't actually like to feel sadness. I just like to be in the sadness. Oh, okay. I don't like to feel stuff. Wait, so you like, so what makes you cry, Radiohead? Sometimes, yeah. That is like suicide music. Holy shit, those guys, yeah. Fuck.

Anything with strings or just like, feels like it was made with heroin. Yeah, you do like heroin jams. Yeah. You like soundtracks. I do, I love scores of films. I listen to those a lot. Yeah, right I like it to be dark and either Terrifying or sad. Yeah. Yeah, that's cool. I see I like that. I respect that more than my juju doesn't like he's five

He doesn't like that. He doesn't get no he's like this is scary. Yeah, I put on the Cape Fear soundtrack He was like this is scary I put on the Kate Pierre soundtrack, he was like, this is scary. Yeah, he'll get there. Give him a few more years. Check this out, cause you dated a Chinese guy. You're getting an argument with him and it goes like this.

They're just spitting in each other's face. In a weird way, it's kind of the most civilized confrontation. I gotta tell you something. Because they're not throwing hands, they're just spitting in each other's face. But this is also of the most civilized confrontation. I gotta tell you something about- Because they're not throwing hands, they're just spitting in each other's faces. But this is also why the Chinese are savages, fuck! Like, they're colder than ice, bro.

To have a man spit in your face and you just, you're fucking right in his grill. And he spits right back. They're covered in spit. Those guys are covered in spit. Ice cold. Ha ha ha ha covered in spit. I school. So really insane. Would you do that with a man? I mean, how do you, how do you, would I do that with a man? Like who could you do that with?

I do with a cool chick. Like how do you break that cycle? Like what stops that fight? You just gotta throw hands, right? To stop that. Yeah, it should. That should elicit a punch. The first one should. The first one.

But they're both like, I will restrain myself. I'm not gonna get sued. They're just thinking about their finances. So it just goes on indefinitely until one guy's like, all right, I'm thirsty pretty cool. Yeah, that's pretty crazy, dude How's the Osempies? Oh, I got my dose. I took a bumped a little bit like last night I gave myself a full bumper. So I woke up without Any that's what I saw. So I saw a nurse told me to do she's like you feel a little bumper

Yeah, like if you feel hungry, yeah, you should just do like a five or ten bump Yeah, and I did that last night and I woke up wasn't hungry nice Cuz I've been eating a lot like I've been eating through it feeling hunger pangs and I'm like You're not even supposed to feel that shit. No, but the problem is is I've been eating like donuts Yeah, and like Cheetos dude, I was like I bought it for the kids party They had a party and now I've been eating the cheesy puffs and so that's. Puffs are really dangerous. They're so good.

I forgot about cheesy. I saw an open bag and I tried one and I was like, man. It's a crack dude. This is why we're all, this is why we're a fat nation. Oh for sure. And you can buy a bag this fucking way. Honestly, this is why it's hard to find purses. We need more fat people modeling purses

because all bags don't look the same on all bodies. I just got the viral beaded $30 TJ Maxx bag. So cute. Love to see it. But look how big this strap is. And look how big my arm is. Is she going to stay up? Is she going to fit comfortably?

No, like look, it's already like falling off right here. It's just not going to stay up no matter how many times I adjust. And right now, it's empty. There's nothing in it. If you put stuff in it, it stays up even less, okay? I saw all the TikTok girlies get it and I was so excited, but yeah, this is definitely not fat girl friendly. Sorry to break to you guys.

Such a good point. You know, the purse industry like Prada Louis Vuitton all these houses for hundreds of years have been making standard size purses, right? Yeah, and they should really change all of that for her. Mm-hmm because it makes sense, you know, maybe That's it. Maybe just instead of thinking as that purse as just, you know, they should make it for everyone. It's just like, that's just a purse for a certain body type and you should get.

No, Tom, they should conform to my needs. Don't you get it? Don't you get it? She should complain to the company to make this travel. It's so cool. You missed, by the way, my favorite new video because you weren't here.

What? Yeah, my favorite new video. Let's see. I think I was with Sal. And there's this guy who's at a tool, he's at a tool shop and he just bought tools and the owner's like, oh, tell us what you got. His name is Manny. And just you realize you're like, something's not right about this.

Like something's going on with Manny. Okay, hold on. Congratulations to Manny for the purchase of these new snap on wrenches. What kind of wrenches are those Manny? The ratchet wrenches. What kind of wrenches are those Manny? The ratcheting wrenches and the front end, front arm, and now show me the other side. What does it show how it works? Great purchase Manny. What are we laughing at? Well, it just kind of feels like maybe he's disabled or?

No, I don't know, I feel like he's held hostage or something. Like, it doesn't seem like he wants to be there and he gets all flustered. He's not excited about the wrenches. And he's disappointed in his purchase. He's disappointed in his performance too. He's like, I I didn't say it right I forgot the name of the thing also seems like he might not even really know how tools work Like I don't know what's going on, but it's just Congratulations to Manny for the purchase of this 18 volt monster lithium blower Manny. What you gonna do with a blower? track cars and when I do the

I'm gonna try cars and when I do the Do the lawn in my house, right? I'm gonna leave it too. You want to demonstrate it for us? Sure put it on high Yeah, man, he doesn't seem excited and i'd be pretty excited I also just feel like I don't know that Manny does any of the things. He doesn't come across as authentically a tool guy. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, I think you're right. I don't think Manny works in this area.

I think Manny's kept in the back and they go, when we have products to show, you fucking, and he's like, but I don't want to do it, it's not my thing. It's not my thing. I don't think Manny does this It's not my thing. It's not my thing. I don't think many does this stuff Poor Manny now, I feel like he's being held hostage. Do you know how that works? No, he's about to electrocute himself Manny's got he just wants to stay in the back and listen to Christian death

Those are wire cutters He's got they shouldn't be. Those aren't good wire cutters either. He needs heavier duty, heavier duty-er ones. Manny, this guy's in the wrong industry. I think he's also, he's buying way too many things. Yeah. It's like Manny, how much debt do you have

from all these tools you're getting? That's a good point. It just doesn't seem like. I don't think this is environment, you're right. I know. Doesn't that air dryer shit look so fun though? So fun. The leaf blower? Oh yeah.

Yeah. We should get one. We should get a leaf blower, yeah. Let's get a leaf blower. How fun would it be to just blow the kids around? It'd be fun to get a better one than the gardeners use and just show it to them like, no, this is a toy for us. And then like, can we use it? Please? Actually, no, we play with this one.

This is just for fun. This is for fun. Your, your, the tool that you use for your work is just a toy for us. Oh, shit, dude. but how funny would this be to threaten the kids when they act up, be like, I'm getting a leaf blower, dude. No, please don't get the leaf blower, please. Why do our kids aren't laughing?

Please, daddy. Hey, Mr. Tom, can I use your leaf blower, please? Nope, it's just to discipline the children. It was just for the kids when they act up. We put little rocks in there and then we point towards them. Oh, shit. We could put gravel in there. Yeah, dude.

Fire it at the boys. Pelt those little fuckers with that. You know how scary that would be if your dad ran after you with that? With a leaf blower like that? Oh my God. Especially when you're yelling at them with your voice. You scare the shit out of them when you're yelling at them with your voice. You scare the shit out of them when you get mad

and you scream and stuff. And you're like, I'm gonna get a fucking leaf blower, dude. I know, I tell them I'm gonna bite your fingers off. You tell them all kinds of shit and they believe you. They're like, oh, dad's gonna bite my fingers and give me brain surgery. Yeah, those are, but I wonder how loud that is. I don't like them when they're loud.

But I would like to blow stuff around. I think that would be super fun. Yeah, it'd be fun. Yeah, but I want one with the pack. You know how they wear the backpack too and the leaf blower, that's pretty rad. We can do it, man. We can do whatever we want.

Sure, let's do it. 200 bones, we can get a leaf blower. I have to pee really bad. All right, let's do it. Sorry. And we're ready, and we're back, and we peed. And we peed. My pee was much clearer this time. It was really brown the first time All right, let's do it. Sorry. And we're ready, and we're back, and we peed. And we peed. My pee was much clearer this time.

It was really brown the first time. Good, that's so good. Yeah, I got hydrate. Chad told me something really crazy. What? Chad. Smart Chad. Yep.

The other day, we were in the lobby, and he farted in front of me and Tanner. Bro, I cannot stand yo What is up with this bit bro? What are you trying to do with this bit? It's not a I don't understand this look I've worked here for nearly three years I've been holding in my farts this whole time because I thought if I let one out and he would never speak to me Yeah, it's disrespectful and then okay, so you were just disrespecting me and Tanner in the lobby. I'd yo I don't know what this is man. Wait is this part of the recess shit? Is that what this is?

No, what are we doing? Does that not happen? No that not happen? Swear this happened. He lifted he was on his computer. He lifted his leg and let one out. This is crazy Show me the tapes. I looked over so confused. We have cameras. That's right, we do have cameras. Audio on the cameras? We don't have audio. But you said I lifted my leg and let one out, like I'm an old grandpa and I was just letting y'all have, go ahead. It was a subtle cheek lift, you know how you do it.

But was it audible? Oh yeah, that's why I was so shocked, it like turned my head, I'm like, who did that? And then I realized it was any and I'm like, what the fuck? This is crazy, man Hold it so you're you're fully saying this didn't have this did not have I'm telling you I I would not just lie about Tom do I ever bring anything to you that you know randomly that's not true I mean you don't have a history of lying I would say for sure

But I also also like this is a adamant denial to the point. This is the huge start. This is fartgate We're gonna have to I don't think any I don't see any reason for him to lie about it either to be fair I do I do but look at him. He's being but I do but I'll tell you why what because he's got a reputation to protect Oh, you think he's protecting and I'm just saying any doing this in my niggas. I Do I think you are doing this for them? You could say it. I'm not going to. I think he's doing it to maintain his rep.

So he had one kind of slip up. I think he... listen, it's almost impossible, any, to be around us for how long have you been with us now? And not fart? Fucking like 17 years now. 17 years. And to not blow ass and to not brown at Studio Jeans. Cause he doesn't like farts. No he doesn't like farts.

I've tried to fart in front of him and wink and everything and he's just like don't do that. I don't like that. If I had one right now I would do it but I just don't have one. I don't know. I think it may have come out. He's just saying this is crazy. Accidentally. I can't stand y'all man. I don't understand this shit man. Why y'all fucking why y'all always doing this shit man? I didn't I didn't do it. Nah man nah this was probably in the pre-show meeting. No it was not. Oh you know what we're gonna do today? No! We're gonna talk about how. It was when you walked in remember when you walked in you go what?

Because he had just told me. Nah. Yes! Nah what have you probably like chat chat chat let's do the thing. Let's do the thing. No! Tanner was there Tanner Tanner can corroborate the story. Let's bring in Tanner The Tanner Tanner is not a totally reliable source. No lived in a shipping container He's not a person. He always fucks with me Like he does to me what I did to Chris when I first got here Tanner does he's going to Chad definitely started it That started the war Tanner. Just be Tanner. I gotta ask you something Can you can you be completely honest on this please be honest?

I'll be honest be honest. Yes in the lobby the other day did any fart in front of you guys Yeah, yeah Wow, did you hear it? Oh, yeah, I heard it. It was loud. It was loud It was a big ripper. Yeah, and it was for you guys like it was like hey I think that any thought he could slip one out quietly and I think He just wasn't he didn't he didn't realize that I was gonna be that loud because he didn't move afterwards like he was like He stayed still like a deer in headlights and what did you guys do I looked at him and then he kind of just like gave me a little side I like quick and I called him out Chad called

him out and what happened was that but he instantly denied it okay I think he forgot he was here I think it was heavy was at home yeah I don't know how my farts are gonna come out I don't know how my farts were gonna come out. I don't know where I am Yeah, I'm just a fucking I'm insane. It was it was loud. I'm a body really loud Anything I know more yeah in this world. Yeah, it's what's coming in and out of my booty Why don't I ask you this though going on is it did I really just learned about this? What why do you think they're conspiring against you for with this story? I mean because I'm schizophrenic and I always think people are conspiring against me. So that's probably what's

It's his mental illness. I understand this I used to have this too. He doesn't trust Hmm, oh hold on we have two more people to corroborate this is crazy Tanner and Chad's story We have Heather and Neyana they heard it as well this is the fart heard around studio they were in the they weren't in the room they weren't in the room they came out and they're like oh I heard that where how loud was it was loud it was like it was like you ruffled through a phone book and I just thought it was gonna be quiet and then you just let out a fucking letok. Hold on. Let me defend any Hold on. Let me defend any here. Is it possible that what you heard was not a fart? That's what I'm asking to maybe it was a

Chair, there's there's a lots of sound in studio James. There's a lot of sounds but this is a clear It was a clear it was like it was like a it had some bass to it, it had the ruffling, you know. I would like to see the footage. I wish we had audio. Yeah, I wish we had audio too. I would like to see said footage of him lifting his ass. I don't know. Who's in here? Me too, Christina, me too. Oh wow.

Okay, I see Heather and Neonna. Can one of you guys have a mic, please? This is crazy. This is crazy, bro. The whole fucking studio up against me. Okay. Okay. What, what? Hi, Niana. Hi, Heather. What did you hear? Hey, remember when I showed you all that stuff? Sorry. Remember when I showed you how to produce? Remember that?

That was actually the second time, but any time I'm not. Wait, that's the second time? Yeah. What was the first time? Um, I don't remember who was in the lobby. I just remember he did it and I was like, I'm sorry. And then I just kept working. Hold on, you're sure it was any, it wasn't somebody else. It was absolutely any.

And this is, but you're talking about the first time. Yeah. But how about this incident that we're speaking of? That was the second time that it had happened. And then was it very audible? Yeah. Yeah, I was in a different room. And you as well, Heather?

Is this unmuted? Yeah, I was in my office, and we can hear all the way in the lobby sometimes, and I heard it, it was super loud, and I was like, who the heck was that? And I came out, and I don't remember who said it was Eni, but I was like, that was Eni? We could hear that so close. It's strange that he would do that.

But hold on, Heather, here's some holes in Heather's story it was Eni, but I was like, that was Eni? Like, we could hear that from Hades. It's strange that he would do that. But hold on, Heather. Here's some holes in Heather's story, in Eni's defense. You did not see the source. You only think you heard the source. I know I heard. Here's the one thing I wanna ask. Maybe someone else farted and blamed it on Eni. But this is what I wanna ask.

Cause at this point, it's undeniable that something was heard. You must have heard what everybody heard this moment too, right? I mean, I don't remember hearing anything at that specific time that Chad said that I did something, but I don't know what the fuck they're even talking about. So you didn't hear anything else?

Like, you didn't go like, what was that? I mean, it's tough for me to pinpoint the exact time, because it didn't happen. So I don't even know what the fuck they're talking about. But I'm not saying you. I'm saying the fact, see, like, they didn't see anything, but they heard something. You didn't happen, so I don't even know what the fuck they're talking about. But I'm not saying you I'm saying the fact see like they didn't see anything But they heard something you didn't hear anything, but it's like you'd have that you'd have to I'd have to be like oh the day That they said I did something yeah, I remember hearing a sound that day. Oh at what time?

Did you guys come out and comment? I came out and I was like who did that and any you don't do you remember this instance? Do you remember this event of Heather saying who did this and the Anna you didn't see it either, right? No, I heard Chad immediately go. Did you just fart? And You're still in full denial of this 100% This is why the first 48 is the best show because they will break We got to bring them all separately into an interrogation room and break them all and he's just like I wasn't there This is why the first 48's the best show, because they will break.

We gotta bring them all separately into an interrogation room and break them all. He's just like, I wasn't there. Here's what is a little suspicious, is that any didn't hear or recall That's what I'm saying. this incident at all. Your honor, may I present the who ever smelt a delta defense.

Chad. Did Chad, is this a big cover up for Chad farting? Yes, I could be. He is a smart guy. He is a smart guy. He is a smart guy. I wouldn't do that. I mean, I record my farts and send them to my brothers. I have really.

To brothers, but not to your coworkers. Well, that's because I thought any would never speak to me again. I thought I'd have to change jobs if I did that. Yeah, it's disrespectful. Yeah, exactly. And then you did it. I'll tell you something.

I one time in high school farted in class. And I blamed it on this girl sitting in front of me, Michelle, and it worked. Steve did that to me in high school. Yeah. Also. It is a common tactic. I'm not gonna rule it out.

This is an incredible mystery. I really hope we can get the, can we go, can the next thing be that we pull this footage out? Do we know the date and time that this happened? I'll try to remember, it was probably like, it was like maybe four or five days ago, could've been last Friday, we'll look into it.

You're gonna figure out the day. You got it. Unbelievable. I mean, cause here's the deal, man. Yeah. Is that any, okay, so there's two sides to any. There's the proud side that will be like, no, fuck you, I'm not farting.

The second take on any could be that he goes, yeah, fart is so what? The shit was the best fart y'all ever fucking hurt. Fuck you. Because that's another way he could come. But there's another side that's possible. As somebody like, he could be so zoned out into whatever he was doing,

that maybe this escaped him and he really was kind of unaware of it. Crazy. It's the one thing that I would ever lose sight of. Was on his laptop. And that's what I think happened is he just forgot himself for a second. Yeah, he's watching his pornos, he's on the laptop.

A fart seeps out and then he doesn't realize it. I don't know though, it's very hard for a fart to come out and you'd be completely unaware Have you ever been unaware especially one that they're saying was fucking? Explosive that that everyone Heather's office is like halfway across the whole fucking student nobody else was there Zola you weren't there No, what about Ryan is there no impartial adult here was Ryan all around? He would be right right outside of that area. I don't think he was here when that happened.

We need like an adult to land it. He wasn't unaware that it happened. Once it happened, he was very aware. He looked kind of scared. Oh, oh, any you mean? He realized what happened. So you think this is just a trauma response, that he did it and then he's just like,

Oh, I've done that. Yeah, I've done that. I'm starting to lean towards that too. That feels like the most. This is crazy. This is crazy. As the recessed team leader, you have to be willing to own when you have your faults, you know?

Hmm. I don't know. Listen, I think Eni is the type of guy too that would be like, who would take credit and then be like, it was the greatest fart you've ever heard. That's why I did it. I wanted you to know. You know what I mean? If he did do it, he might take credit and be like, that was awesome.

It's possible. You're welcome. I flirted for you. It's possible. We're not gonna just shut down this investigation. No, this is going to be Supreme Court. Well, this is, yeah, we're raising up a level of this investigation Of course here Department of Justice is on We'll get to the bottom of this. What about um, what about Tyler did Tyler hear it? Let me go ask him I feel like Tyler is well, I think he would have weighed in if impartial at this point

We'll just know but we'll continue this Yeah, I'm not gonna let this one go. This is They either breaking news super unemotional He's sticking to it. Here we go. All right, what do you think of this change? This is premium chocolate premium fucking chocolate What the fuck oh My god

So they're like having fun and well, I think a cyclist hit oh we've got more you were there Yeah, how nice am I to you Caitlin you are very nice I'm so nice of you, Kaylin. You are very nice. I'm so nice to you. You should unmute the mic so they can hear you. Oh, how do I unmute? I hear you. I hear you. Just get closer.

Yeah, I was in the office with Heather and I heard it and I thought it was fake. And so I came out to the lobby and I was like, was that real? And Tanner was like, yeah. And then Tanner started doing farts with his armpit. So I remember it clearly. You know what? I think it was Tanner. Wait, yeah, and then Tanner started doing farts with his armpit. So I remember it clearly. You know what? I think it was Tanner. Wait, did Tanner have done it?

I think Tanner farts. Yeah, Tanner farts. Hold on. Here's a new theory, Your Honor. Tanner farts a lot and openly and recklessly, and he burps a lot too. He does. It's very disrespectful.

And I think it was Tanner who supplied it, and he's denied. Hold on, hold on, Kaylin. Did the fart noise that Tanner made sound like the fart that you heard? It was Tanner who supplied it and he's denied. Hold on, hold on, hold on, Caitlin. It was Tanner. He blamed Eddie. Did the fart noise that Tanner made sound like the fart that you heard? No. No, it was like an armpit fart.

Tanner really farted and then was like, it's not me. No, cause he was like, oh no, this is a fake fart. And then he started doing that. But the any fart was real because I thought it was like, I thought it was fake. And me and Heather like came out there like, whoa, like what just happened?

Was it an epic, like it was a crazy fart? Yeah, it was just really loud. Like I thought it was someone did it with their mouth. Wow. But it wasn't a mouth done fart. No, it was real. Cause then I asked. And did you know right away who had done it?

No, they just, I came out and so I didn't see it. I will say I didn't see it happen, but I heard it with my ears. Super loud. Yeah. And was it implied that it was any? Like when you got out there? Yeah, Chad said it was any. Chad said. Because it was. How do you know Chad? Because I saw it, I heard it, I was like five feet. Yeah, you saw the fart release from my asshole, huh? Yeah, you know how you can tell when like your body does the thing when you fart, you kind of moved a little bit. Chad, for sure it wasn't Tanner?

Yeah, for sure it wasn't Tanner, because me and Tanner were like, what just happened? We were very shocked. OK. This is crazy. Chad. So Chad is so Chad claims to have seen it visually happen and hear it. He's the firsthand witness to this.

So it all hinges on do we believe? Well, we got to get this footage Well, we gotta get this footage. We gotta get this footage. The security footage is gonna tell quite a story, even without the audio. It's gonna tell a story. This is true. Yeah.

Because you can see reactions. Yeah, and body, you can see a lean, yeah. I don't know. No, I do know. I wouldn't lie. Thank you. Thank you very much. Hmm, not looking good, any. Not looking good. Yeah you. Thank you very much Hmm not looking good any not looking good

Yeah, you know what I feel unsafe Unsafe Offended yeah, I need a Okay, Tyler wasn't here Zolo saying but I feel like this is premium chocolate premium fucking chocolate Oh my god, man, that's pretty cool. Yikes. All right. I wish we could have seen the actual contact but I hate these shop ones so dangerous. Oh don't do that! We just saw that guy die. Oh no, I think he's okay. Dude, let's watch it again. because there are so many questions if you see the cars leaning. Oh, he's trying to counterweight it. Yeah

You'd get the fuck out of the way lower You think he's hurt I Think he's a little bruised think he's a little bruised It's a little bruised. Maybe a rib cracked or something Wow, dude, can I tell you yeah, it's like I talked to you for a second Yeah, like as my dad had that forklift shot growing up. There is really no time more dangerous when a car is up Yeah, or something is up in the air, like you should not be under. No, of course, of course.

Don't grab it. Let it fucking fall, dude. Get away. It's a reaction though. It's just like an instinct reaction. They should have taught them that's like basic safety. But sometimes your instincts take over. You know how dangerous shops are?

It's so scary. Equipment and machinery. Yeah. Of course. Manny works in one every day. Oh yeah, Manny knows. Yeah, he knows. Do you know one time my dad fixed a forklift

and some guy was standing behind it after he fixed it and it didn't put it in park and it was left in reverse and it just ran over a dude. My dad got sued for that for a year. It was just terrible, it's really scary. Scary stuff, man. Heavy stuff. Why did he do it? Like it sounds like he was tricked into doing that. Clearly he knows. That's like a 200 foot palm tree

and he cuts the top of it and then the tree just goes swaying back and forth. That would be terrifying. Wait, let's see it again. That scream sounds like real terror. Oh It seems like he would know how it goes You know so scary could you imagine sliding if you fall off that too? It's just it's just game over yeah But just could you imagine the terror you would feel sliding down that thing,

like when you're finally calmed down enough and then you're like. I think the terror would be more if you go flying off of it though, you know. Jesus. Fuck, that's terrible. That's great. What a job.

Thank you guys for finding that. Yeah, that was really good. I'm sweating watching that. This has been making the rounds. They're always doing wild shit in Russia and Romania in the fight game. And now they're having a man fight two women. Nice, that seems about right.

He's walking out of the check out. I've been watching him. He's in the middle of the night. He's in the middle of the night. I'm sorry. He's a coward. He's a coward. He's a coward.

He seems like he's the parking lot attendant. And the girls have head gear. One out of shape guy versus two women that probably train and wear head gear. Yeah, that's pretty cool. We gotta get that going in the States. I don't know why we fuck around here. That's true, I mean, beating your wife in like central European countries and Slavic, it's still kinda cool there.

It's kinda standard, yeah. Yeah, so this is probably like, this guy practices more than they do. I would buy a ticket to this. Oh, are you kidding me? Yeah, this is awesome. A man versus a human. But I like that he's an out of shape guy.

Yeah, he's a fucking mess. That's the key. And he's barefoot, no-shape guy. Yeah, he's that's the key No, I gear it's amazing. Yeah belly is Huge this guy's totally a mess. I love it. Yeah Alright, here we go. It's pretty funny This is just a forewarning for all the ladies out there if we're doing it and you tell me not to stop And keep going I will take you literally and bust right up inside you, whatever hole I'm in.

Yeah, this cool message. He's got a good angle. He's in the toilet. He's forewarning if they're doing it and you tell me to stop, I'll just bust whatever hole I'm in. Yeah. Thanks for that.

Let me show you my most advanced long-range, floating- that. I'll show you my latest invention, the long-distance And who ever has a chance to sing the song, it's so easy to understand. It's Chinese made. It's in a toilet. It's these like six prongs that go up and expand into your anus and stretch you out if you have trouble making poo poo. Have you ever been constipated enough where that sounds like a good idea? That I need the booty stretcher? No, no, I don't need the booty stretcher. There have been times I wish I had this toilet.

Yuck. If you're still eating your boogers, this video is for you. Thanks. Since there's cicadas everywhere right now, we made cicada cookies. We gathered fresh cicadas from the trees, boiled them in water, roasted them in the oven, then chopped them up. Looking pretty good, right?

Looking good. We made our favorite chocolate chip cookie dough, then added the chopped cicadas. Why? Stirred it up, dropped onto the cookie sheet, and? Looking good. We made our favorite chocolate chip cookie dough, then added the chopped cicadas. Why? Stirred it up, dropped onto the cookie sheet, and into the oven. They looked good and smelled even better. It smelled even better. Time for the big test.

How did they taste? Watch this Chris Larson response. It's fine. Yeah, that's Chris Larson. Yeah, that's Larson. It's fine. So defiant, so angry. So I talk about cicadas a lot with my iPhone around and then this video popped up.

And I was like, why are you- Where's my Larson cam by the way? Oh it's out of commission right now. Oh shit. Okay. This is fucking disgusting. Yeah, it's so dumb. Oh this is cool.

Watch the guy in the bright orange- I'm sorry, bright yellow shirt. He's having fun. I'm swinging my leg. Yay! Just, just keep an eye. I'm on an aeroplane. I want to say this is an Eastern Europe somewhere too. Oh. Uh-oh. Is he gonna get sick?

Or just fall and break his neck? No one else is doing that. Why is he doing that? I don't know, but it makes me laugh so hard. This makes me laugh. Would you get on that roller coaster? Never! A million years. Oh my god, he's really fucking... He's still spinning. A million years. Oh my god, he's really fucking...

He's still spinning. If you'd just eaten you'd be so fucked. And the momentum's building! Yeah. He's gonna be really sick. Holy shit, dude. Why is nobody else? He can't stop it. Yeah, you can't slow it down.

Is he going the other direction? No, it's the same direction. It makes me laugh. It's like his 200th rotation though. It keeps going. It's pretty good. Oh Jesus. Why are people making these videos, though?

Just so you know, for those people listening, I found TikToks of people eating their burgers. Cool. And that's what we're watching. Oh, Jesus. Is this your trip to Abu Dhabi? Could be. This is a shake with his, what is it?

Is this Cheetah? This Cheetah. Yeah, that just swatted at a guy. And the guy was like, hey, what the fuck to a Cheetah? He's like, calm down, bitch. I am 5'4 and I weigh 200 pounds, so I'm thick. That's not thick, that's obese. Okay. I'm 6'4 and you weigh as much as me. That's not big. It's obese

You want my measurements I don't care it's obese More than a 30 BMI is obese man five foot four two hundred pound is is larger than the average running back I is larger than the average running back. Height and weight adjusted. How does that mean running back? I said five foot four, 200 pounds, is larger than the average running back, height, weight adjusted. Okay. And calling it thick is a problem.

Okay. I'll tell you why it's a problem, because it's unhealthy. We miss him every day. Every day. Every day. Is that true? Well, he's a height weight adjust.

I mean, no, there's no five-four. But he's just like, if you were to proportionately adjust, you know. I think he just said it in the moment too. Oh, just to be, but realistically, what would it be, a guy? A running back yeah would probably be like between five eleven and

six one and probably between 215 and 230 pounds something like that yeah, then so that is a lot at five forward He's like yeah, if you adjusted the yeah to carry 200 pounds that is bad Yeah, okay Yeah, six feet 215 pounds. So yeah, she is so under six feet tall and 214 point whatever 215 pounds. Yeah, that's true. So she's only 15 pounds shy of being running back

Yeah, pretty crazy. It's crazy dude. She was my friend. Another one? She was my friend. The day I arrived in Santa Fe to start shooting I took her to dinner with Joel the director. We were a very very, excuse me, we were a very very you know well-oiled crew shooting a film together and then this horrible event happened. You met with... What are the questions that you have other than that? You met with the... I'm afraid I forgot her name at the moment, but you met with her family in the day?

Yes, I met with her... Helena, her name is Helena. If you're spending this much time waiting for us, you should know her name. You don't know her name. Her name is Helena. Helena Hutchins. I met with her husband, Matthew,

and her son, the other Israeli. And how did that meeting go? I wouldn't know how to characterize. You guys, you know what? No details. Do me a favor? I'm going to answer the question. Well, I appreciate that he was probably very upset.

The guy is overwhelmed with me. This is something that, you know, there are incidental accidents on film sets from time to time, but nothing like this. This is a one in a trillion episode. And so he is- Is this from the side of the road? He's a nine year old son. Well, they're always harassing though. We are not in contact with him.

Look at Ilaria. Would you ever work on another film set that involves firearms detonation? I couldn't answer that question. I really don't have any, I have no sense of it at all. I do know that an ongoing effort to limit the use of firearms on film sets is something I'm extremely interested in. I'm not an expert in this field. So whatever other people decide is the best way to go in terms of protecting people's safety on film sets, I'm all in favor of and I will cooperate with that in any way that

I can. Do you think production will start up again on that? No, I doubt it. Excuse me a favor, you know what? My kids are in the car crying. Because you guys are following everything we know. But all I wanna do, as a courtesy to you, I came to talk to you.

I'm not allowed to comment on the investigation. I talk to the cops every day. I talk to them every day to find out what they want. They know what you want. Look, look, look, you know, I'm cooperating with them. Of course, so my point is that, is that I'm just asking. We sat down as a courtesy and had a talk to you.

Please, would you just don't follow us for the rest of this? Just leave us alone. We gave you everything. I like how he swats Ilaria away in the beginning. Yes, please. And then she still comes back with the count. Yeah. Let the guy talk.

I'm sorry. Bye. Talk. Um. Thanks a lot for this. You're not watching. I hate- Wow. Really. Ugh. Ugh. Man. Did I tell you I watched the JLo documentary?

So I watched her piece of shit movie, which was so unwatchable. And I like dumb things, but this was just very bad. And then I watched the documentary. As I touch her nipples with my finger tips. I'm trying to tell you something cool, Tom. This is cool. And then go into a circular motion

with both my fingertips. Slowly, slightly, gently. Okay, yeah. Okay, turn it off, please, slightly, and gently. Okay, yeah. Okay, turn it off, please. Okay, go ahead. I'm trying to tell you, I know why they divorced, or they're gonna divorce Ben Affleck and J.Lo. There's a documentary that she makes about her dumb movie.

It's a story of their relationship, right? So they banged 20 years ago, and now they're banging again. That's the big story. That's the story, yeah. Okay? So this documentary, she's the big story. That's the story, yeah. Okay? So, this documentary, she's making it about herself, by the way, so it's not even an impartial documentarian. She's like, I wanted to tell a story, I love,

I wanna tell the story about Ben and I. I wanna tell the story. And the whole time, they cut to Ben, and he's like, I don't want the story to be told. This is my private relationship with my my wife I don't want I don't want people knowing and then she's in her studio and she goes this is a book that Ben made it's um all the emails over the last 20 years of us together all our private love letters pictures and she just puts it on a coffee table in

her studio so that anybody can pick it up. And read it. And read it. And there's people, they're like, yeah, it was just so cool. I got to pick up this book and read all their private emails.

I'm like, that's why he's leaving you, dummy. With no respect. It's mortifying. Oh my God. It's fascinating. I wanna show the public. I wanna show, I'm just Jenny from the black. In front of Bronx, man.

Okay, we gotta run. Oh, okay, sorry, I didn't realize. Gotta go. Thank front of Bronx man. Okay, we gotta run. Sorry, I didn't realize. Gotta go. Thank you guys for watching. Thank you for listening. And we'll see you next week. Bye, Mommy. Asking me the same damn question I thought you now look in your jeans And I always say, yeah, you look so cool But you could look more maze-railing If you just were

Keep those jeans high and tight Keep those jeans high and tight Keep those jeans high and tight Keep those jeans high and tight Keep those jeans high and so fucking tight Christina thinks Tom's a psycho But who knows? Fred was for damn sure, he's the Hydrant Master! Keep those jeans high and tight!

Keep those jeans high and tight! Keep those jeans high and tight! Keep those jeans high and tight Keep those jeans high and so fucking tight Keep those jeans high and so fucking tight Yeah!