Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Airtight Abby | Your Mom's House Ep. 755

Episode Date: April 17, 2024

SPONSORS: - Go to https://policygenius.com/YMH and get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save - Visit https://PhalloFILL.com for more information on a location near you or TEXT 972-663-5588. Mention Your Mom’s House Podcast to receive 2 Free units on select packages. Financing Available at Select Locations. - Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/mom or through my promo code MOM. What's up, CHOMOS?! It’s another episode of YMH with Tommy Bunz and X-Tina! This week, Tom Segura and Christina P are flying solo and open the show with a clip featuring a gentleman who's all about "eating groceries". The Main Mommies aren't alone for long as they are joined by a very special guest, an airtight queen above 18 by the name of Abby. A few episodes back she sent us a story so unbelievable Tom didn't think it was accurate or even written by a woman. But he believes it now as Abby clears the air and speaks her truth on what happened on that faithful night abroad. After Abby, Tom and Christina also get into some clips about Kurt Cobain's gender, cat kisses, face tattoos, foreign accent syndrome, men's retreats, tree climbers, and a beautiful fan rendition of "Good Morning, Julia", plus so much more! Pull 'em up and strap in, y'all. https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Your Mom’s House Ep. 755 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome, welcome to your mom's house. Delicious. Try the roasted red pepper and Swiss or caramelized onion and parmesan pinwheels only at Tim's. At participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time. You're so handsome, jeans I love your shirt today And your eyes match your shirt And your arms look so fit Look at you. Thank you so much.

You're so handsome. Retarded. Thank you. Thank you so much. You're so handsome. Retarded. Thank you. Yeah, you know what? I had that clip in my mind this morning. She's retarded. She's retarded. Remember he explains that she's retarded?

Yeah, I remember that. She's retarded. Yeah. Retarded. You got a whole sheet with just that drop, huh? So many. I was going to knock her in the head one day out here. With a claw hammer? Beside the garage because she called me retarded. I was going to knock her in the head one day out here. With a claw hammer? Because she called me a retarded.

I was going to knock her in the head with a claw hammer. Remember that scandal? The R word. She called me a retard? That was a huge debate. I've already been retarded. Is it a retard or retarded, remember? That's right.

That was one of the first debates. You are completely retarded. Retarded. Retarded, retarded. Yeah, I mean, I'm looking for the one that you... Are retarded. I'm not retarded retarded yeah i mean i'm looking for the one that you are retarded i'm not retarded no i think i'm fucking retarded you're wearing reflectors you retard are you retarded retard retarded retarded quickly and fully retarded i don't know fucking retarded Quickly and fully retarded. I don't know

The one the one that you want to hear I know she's retarded it's it's on a bus Yeah, it's on a bus. I want to say it's in the San Francisco Bay Area. Yeah, and there's somebody like like a authority figure Like chastising a woman and the guy's like she's retarded. She's retarded and then another guy on the bus is like stop using that word Yeah, well she doesn't care yeah, she definitely didn't even notice and she was retarded in the way in the way that your friends are Yeah, you know That's what the guy is saying. He's like she's fucking retarded in the way that your friends are. Yeah. You know? Like, that's what the guy is saying. He's like, she's fucking retarded, man. She's retarded.

Yeah. You know what's so cool about those drops you just played is that that's 12 years worth. It's a lot of work in here. Of drops. Yes. That's like so many years of fun. Yes.

It's pretty cool. It is very cool. Quick note. First of all, Yes, it's pretty cool. It is very cool. Quick note. First of all, I can say this. Yeah. I set the attendance record in Seattle. You've probably seen it online, but I broke the record at Climate Pledge Arena.

Nice. First I jumped ahead of Bad Bunny. Okay. And then I jumped ahead of Chappelle and Chris Rock. Ooh ooh! Come on, play the sound effects. No, your boy is... This is a YMH exclusive, Teen Genes.

Your genes are so fucking high and tight. You outsold Chappelle and Chris Rock in Meat Rattle. It's pretty crazy. It's pretty crazy, yeah. Meat Rattle is a major mommy hub. I mean, I definitely did not expect that. That's pretty crazy. It's exciting.

Yeah. So it's for all concerts. That's crazy, Jeans. Yeah. Pretty wild. It's a maze. It's exciting. And then I got the heads up that it might happen a couple more times in other cities.

Oh my God. I know for this dumb fucking guy. It was just like farting your dad's mouth, yeah, no Pretty crazy and also listen, you know, we just did an interview yesterday and I think it's Worth noting that you know We started the show when we were just newlyweds little babies Yeah

At little broke-ass newlyweds and we've grown little broke ass newlyweds, and we've grown with all you mommies all these years. All your genes have been with us. Yeah, so thank you guys. We feel the denim in our hearts. Ticket information, there are limited tickets left for the show May 9th in Los Angeles at the Kia Forum during Netflix's The Joke Fest.

May 10th, I'll be in San Jose at the SAP Center. Limited tickets left for that. I should note that we've added second shows in St. Louis, Missouri. That's gonna be Saturday October 19th and we added a second show in Richmond, Virginia on October 27th. Tickets and all information is at Tom cigarette comm slash tour What could Richmond Virginia be? Fistman You're gonna be also performing in Los Angeles and on May 8th

You're gonna be at the Masonic Lodge at the Hollywood forever. This is the late show, the first show, the early show sold out. Now there's a cool guy. And what else? Orlando, Florida, August 16th and 17th, 16th and 17th, christinapeonline.com for tickets. That is exciting. There you go. You've been farting a lot at the house lately. A lot.

Well, if you want to be candid about all of this, I've been training more. You know, I've been running every day. But you think it's because of your running that's making you fart. But here's Yana, I beg to differ, because you and I both wake up, and then immediately the farts start happening. But the running. From waking up. I know, but I'm saying my digestive system is responsive to the cardio work.

I'm serious. Every time I do more cardio, I fart more, I shit more. It's cool. It's a cool thing that happens. And I've noticed that, yeah. That's really cool. It's a cool thing that happens. And I've noticed that, like, yeah. That's really cool. That's really cool. Do you wanna get into what you did this weekend? Why don't we open the show first?

Sure, and then I wanna tell the audience what you got into. Yeah, all right, here we go. Young lady pull her pants down. She say she want me to eat the groceries, you know And I was gonna do it. But the thing is she had some tissue in her butt Okay, it was tissue on both sides and surrounding the butthole and I just said, you know It didn't stink or nothing, but just just decided tissue. Let me know she ain't watch it real good So I decided to pass on the evening groceries This shit is big time!

Who is Randy? Why do you have to play that? Don't bring anyone loving to this. It's so gross. Good point. The bomb in the fucking stand! Welcome, welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Tom Segura.

And Christina Pashitin. Christina Pashitin. Welcome to your mom's house. Oh, I learned some new drum beats. It's so hard. Did you? Let me see if I can remember it. I can't even.

It's hard to do when you're hearing other drums. I know. Let me try to drum this one. It's not. It's so hard. So hard. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. I have so many questions. Why is it the grossest guys that want to eat?

Want to? it was requested. She asked me to eat the groceries, which I gotta say is a bold request. But are the groceries just the A? Yeah, that's the booty hole. What's the vag? Vag is the vag. Then what's the euphemism for vag?

Just go down on me, lap up my kitty. The groceries are assholes. Yeah. Dang. You just learned this? Yeah, I didn't know that. I'm not in prison. Well, you knew that.

I didn't. Yeah, because you remembered a song you used to, Juicy Juicy? I like it, Juicy Juicy. I eat that lunch. Eat the booty like groceries. That's what that song's about? Yeah.

Wait, well that's not the same song, is it? No, that's not the same song. But you used to say that, eat the booty like groceries? Yeah, but I never put this together anymore until now I've really never put this together. This is not in my way of thinking. This is constant. Don't worry about it. Um So this is a good point first of all first of all bold request bold Cuz I feel like you should you're gonna request that to somebody,

you request it to somebody that like, you've been with and has done that. Like that's a, I think you should reserve that for- You're so square. For special people. You're so square. Why? You know, you should do that on a first date

just to know if you like it. No way. Yeah. How do you know that you're really into that chick unless you eat her groceries on the first date? Because I would say it's always no on the first date. Nerd alert, am I right? I'm not.

Ha, fucking dork. I am not eating asshole on the first date. You would have eaten my asshole on the first date. You would. You liked me. I thought you would. Don't do that tooty face. Don't give me that rooty tooty face.

No, I don't think you do that on the first date. I really don't. I don't think you do. I think you gotta have something to yourself that is special to you. Whatever. I'm serious. Times have changed, babe. When you and I were dating, that was a million years ago,

2005, people didn't eat assholes on the first date, and now they do. No, if you do that on the first date, you're, I mean, you don't deserve happiness, is what I think. You don't deserve love. You don't. It means you're just willing to do anything on date one with anyone you just met.

And that sounds like a really nice guy that I wanna pursue a relationship with. It's not, you should reserve it. But it tells me that he's really into me. That's so stupid, you can find out that he's into you in other ways. Yeah, but you want a lasting relationship, he has to toss your groceries.

He does, but the whole thing is you want him to work up to that. Potato, potato. And you should clean your asshole more, there should be little pieces of toilet paper there. Well, that's a given, I mean, that's a given. That's just the sign, like, who's doing that? to that. Potato, potato. And you should clean your asshole more. There shouldn't be little pieces of toilet paper there. Well, that's a given. I mean, that's a given.

Who's doing that? That's just the sign, like, you're sending the sign. Because even though you know that's where she shits from, the toilet paper remnants are a sign, oh, hey, I just shit a little while ago. So you know what I mean? Like you can't just eat anyone's ass. You gotta save some things. Okay, whatever. Also, I mean, we use washlets, Toto,

so we don't have this issue of morsels in there. Yeah, but we're not always home. Yeah, but even I know- I'm answering a dump in public the other day. Wow, let's go. You just threw yourself in the ring. Yeah. You just threw yourself under the bus.

You're gonna talk about it? If a nice young lady had met me back there right afterwards, she would have been like, hey, what is this stuff? Before we get into this discussion. Wait, let me get into this, ask this though, to the booth. Will you just eat a booty on the first date? No, no chance. I think it depends on where you think the relationship is going because if it's just

a wild lady that you're kind of hooking up with and you can do it kind of early Yeah, but if you're gonna if you think there's a future you want to hold that back, right? Yeah Yeah, I think you guys are dorks and nerds and squares and Tanner raises Hannah He's also Tanner lived in a shipping container. Yeah, it's the booty tight the booty, right? You any are you a first-aid booty? No, no fucking chance, no. And oh man, especially the fucking toilet paper. Toilet paper back there. That's gnarly.

Bro. What would you do though? Do you actually sit, no, you don't say something, but you just kinda just move away from it? Like just kinda casually flip her back on her back and just, I mean. I'm into this baby. Like if she's like requesting that,

she's like, no I need you, like you gotta, you know. I would definitely find a way to get us in the shower. I bet we're gonna shower. Oh, yeah Yeah, but here's the deal man is that this is a crevice that needs to be washed with soap and water So even if the water just kind of trickles you've got to find a way to get your soap hand in the asshole I'll do it. Okay, if it's got to be me that does it I'll do it But that ass is getting cleaned if my tongue's going there. I'll give it. Okay. If it's gotta be me that does it, I'll do it, but that ass is getting cleaned if my tongue's going there. I don't give a damn. For sure. We ain't doing that.

I just think that like, no matter who you are, you gotta save some things. Yeah, I agree with that. Whatever. Like you're some fucking, who are we talking to here? This is like fucking Sister Mary Nancy. I know, I'm a total square by today's standards,

my goodness, but Yana, first of all, have you ever, and to be completely honest here, have you ever wiped and then left shards behind of toilet paper and then discovered the shards hours later? I think this has happened to me a handful of times in my life. Yeah, where you find- A handful, it's very rare occurrence because I'm very thorough. It's usually like where you shit and then later on you're in the shower and you're cleaning yourself and you're like oh

There's a remnant find something you're like oh fuck yeah, it's never been like sitting on some chicks face been like hey What is that? Sitting on some chicks way some chick which chick is this you animal? You've never sat on my face. I've tried to. Ugh, that is so vulgar and awful. Why is it awful? Can you imagine? Just let me sit on your face once. Dude, your ass is so fucking gnarly.

What if we go straight from the shower? You want me to? Stop, we're not doing this again. I'm not discussing this with you. Why? I'm not getting into scrum licks because people start licking, start licking, start yelling at me in airports. Good.

Look, Tom Scrum. Look, Tom Scrum. So you want to do it straight from the shower? No. What? Listen, I'm not doing this with you. It's disgusting. It's hot. It's too hot in there and it's too hairy and I don't like it. It scares me. The heat scares me. I don't like it. And I know what comes out of there. I hear you shitting in the morning and it's so awful. I've listened to your shits and farts for 20 years. Stop. Stop.

So even if I clean myself? I don't buy your fucking crocodile. Don't even pretend. Can we tell the audience what you did? What on a shopping trip? Yeah, what I think this is so vulgar and so rude why? Today's episode of your mom's house is sponsored by fallow fill fallow fill is the top nonsurgical male girth enhancement treatment using naturally occurring hyaluronic acid

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That's policygenius.com slash y-m-h. Okay, so we're going at the malls. How long are we at the mall, Eni? I mean all day, I hope, all day. One would hope. One would hope, all day. One would hope, all day. I'm at the mall, all day.

One would hope. Yeah. One would hope, all day. One would hope. Yeah, go ahead. So we're at the malls and Tom is doing his shoppings and you feel a tug, like it's time to go around. Well, here's the thing.

I had tried on a couple clothing items and I was like, huh, yeah, I should probably ship pretty soon. And then I made my selection and I handed it to the employee and they said, oh, okay, you know, they scanned it and they said, you want this like in a box or a bag? I go, you just throw it in a bag.

And they go, okay, I'll be right back. And they left to put it in a bag, I guess in the back. And as they did that, I'm standing there, another employee came by who knew me. And he was like, hey, how's it going? And I said, oh, it's going well. And you know, we just chatted for a little bit and then I go, yeah, I'm gonna leave here and shit for sure.

So I said, hey, where's the nearest restroom? Is there one like right outside this, like down around here? And he said, oh, you can use ours in the back. And I go, oh, great. So I followed him in the back where the employees go and then he showed me the restroom and then I went in there. I had a jacket on and so I had to take the jacket off

and I realized they didn't have a hook in that room so I just kind of laid it on top of the counter area and then I took a power shit pretty quick. I was like, don't take too long. Luckily, it was pretty healthy. It wasn't a disaster. That's luckily. Yeah. Lucky.

No, of course, no washlet. No. So I had to spit on paper. Oh, you spit? Yeah. Why don't you just use the, you said there's a sink. Why didn't you wet the- I had to get up to the, you know, so,

I cleaned myself as well as I could until I didn't see any more chocolate on the paper. And flushed a few times, Cleaned myself as well as I could until I didn't see any more chocolate Flushed a few times and Worshed my hands both of them are just one both hands and then I made my way back into the Shopping area. Yeah. Hello everybody Okay Can I tell you what's wrong by the way, I will say there was probably a hint of a scent

That's what I'm gonna tell you Yana So I've worked in a few retail clothing stores and normally you do not let the customers Take a shit in your employee bathroom because it's usually small right? It's a small one toilet one sink option where you just go to make number ones And I think it's completely wrong and vile and selfish to take a shit in the employee toilet Because you totally blew it up I know you did it smells bad because I I shit after you all the time and it smells horrible This is how I walked back into the store. Oh my god. Oh my god

That has everybody doing yeah, and you know, they were talking about it. You know. Oh my God, oh my God. Said how's everybody doing? Yeah, and you know they were talking about it. What do you think they said? You know they were like, oh you know Tom Segarro the comedian? Yeah, yeah, yeah, he took a shit at our store. You know they're talking about it. And then you know what the rest of the people said

who heard that? He's a man of the people. That's what real people do, they take shits. I just think it's improper. Honestly, I would have gone to the department store because this was like in a mall with many options. I don't know if I could have the audacity and by the way historically you hold on to your shits for I had to go 20 minutes at a time I don't know why you did solve the mystery pretty well because you asked me if I had drank coffee

Yeah, and I told you I brought coffee into the store with me. I was drinking coffee. You were asking for it Yeah, I was basically going hey Asshole, I dare you not to shit. Dare you not to shit. Yeah. Yeah, you dared yourself. I did. That's crazy, dude.

I think that's rude. Do you guys agree with me? Who's on team Christina here? It's not rude. I would just be a little embarrassed about it. They kind of asked for it. No, because he was a nice guy. He knows Tom and he likes Tom, but...

Yeah, but if you really know Tom... Then you know he shits. Yeah, you know he takes some power shits. That's your fault. I think he wanted it, Loki. He might be like our aviator friend. You know, our aviation friend. If you don't mind next time, if you could leave the door open

when you go in there, if you don't mind, so I can hear and smell what's happening in the moment. You are so nasty. You're so proud of us all. I'm proud of us all. Um. You look handsome in this blue. Thank you.

I think you need to wear this color all the times. Thank you. Thank you. Thank y'all. So this is very exciting. I want all to come. You know how we have been getting- Stop, I know what you're going into.

She's getting- Here's the original. Oh yeah. It's all I can think about. We've been getting emails constantly about people going airtight. Men and women who have participated in airtight experiences.

And you know why? Because now they eat each other's assholes on the first date. It's 2024, get with the times, Tom. It's wrong. You save that. You save that for somebody you care about. No, just save it for somebody you give a shit about. Don't just give that away.

All right, we got this email. We've had a series of the, just to remind people, this one is from a lady named Abby and she Emailed us that while she was traveling Europe And at the peak of her slut time she met a professional soccer player from Africa and decided to meet up with him and other players who said they wanted to fuck him, her at the club.

Um, she got in a cab with these three large athletic men, went back to an apartment at three in the morning and, and she said it was huge dicks and she had to entertain them and there was another person waiting there. She switched positions and called upon all the women who had embraced interracial gangbanks before her. was another person waiting there. She switched positions and called upon all the women who had embraced interracial gangbags before her. She was in doggy, one in the ass, one below her, one in the mouth, one in her hand. And anyways, she was really, really,

and I think I voiced some doubt as to the authenticity of the email. Well, you felt the phrasing was real masculine. I did, and it was like real jokey, which is usually the way men write things in these situations. It didn't feel horny enough, is what you're saying. And also didn't feel like,

it felt like almost like too much, too much, you know when they go like the detail is like sort of specific in a way that you go, I feel like this is just somebody fabricating a story. It doesn't feel like- It didn't feel real. Yeah, it didn't feel real, it didn't feel genuine. She didn't color a picture enough for us.

And men usually joke in these stories, which is why you go, that's a guy, because they like, it's just joke, joke, joke, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, the fellows followed up and found out that it's indeed a real girl. She wants to talk to us about it. I'm so fucking stoked.

Real hero of the people, Abby. So we are going to stop down here for a second. Holy shit, dude. And then we are going to give her a call. So just give us one moment. So nervous to talk to her. So are we ready? Babe, we're gonna talk to a a call. So just give us one moment. So nervous talk to her So are we ready? We're gonna talk to a living legend. I'm so scared. This is gonna be I've never talked to somebody That's been airtight. Have you go?

Here we go like a regular person on an adult film star Hello, hello Abby Hey, it's Tom Segura, I'm here with Christina Hello. Hello, Abby. Hi. Hey, it's Tom Segura. I'm here with Christina. How are you? Hi, Abby. I am absolutely great.

How are you guys? We're doing well. We're recording, just so you know, you're on your mom's house podcast. Thank you so much for taking the call. Oh, absolutely happy to. Abby, this is the most exciting interview we've done in ages, so thank you so much for taking the call. Oh, absolutely happy to. Abby, this is the most exciting interview we've done in ages, so thank you so much.

Well, this is the most exciting interview I've ever done in my life, so thank you. We are the country, the audience, everyone has been captivated by the story. And yes, I did voice some disbelief when I read the initial email, so I apologize. I heard. And the reason is also sort of a compliment.

It's that it was written in such a funny way that I was like, this is written by a guy. So I apologize because I'm so used to reading stuff that guys write that are usually just filled with jokes. And yours was very, very funny. So I was like, this can't be serious, but you are serious. So- I'm totally serious. Walk us through. Do you mind if we all together jump back to that evening

and go through some of the details? Absolutely, I will hold your hand through that journey. Yes. So you are at the time you're visiting Europe, you are in college or you're out of college? I'm in college. You're in college. As you mentioned in your initial email, this is your peak slut time, is that correct?

Mm-hmm, that is correct. So you're just, you're like figuring things out, you're trying things, you're sexually somewhat promiscuous? I'm doing everything, anything and everything. Okay, and you're trying things and so you're out, what country or what city or if you can say, what area are you in in Europe when you have this encounter? I am in the north of-

Oh, oh, oh. Okay. Okay. And you had gone out with your sorority sisters, right? Are you, are you. Yep. So it's like a, it's a weekend kind of night, like a fun night out. Every night's a fun night out. Gotcha.

They party every night till 6 a.m., it's crazy. Okay, so you're out, you're partying, and then are, when do you get the the Idea to go ahead on get on tinder and see if someone wants to meet up Like right at the beginning of the trip. I have been a school had been out for like a month I had been doing nothing but tinder at home. So I figured I might as well make it an international Affair gotcha. So hold on was the tinder um, a lot of dudes at once or just one dude? No, it was just a very normal Tinder profile.

Okay. So you see this guy, handsome guy, and do you know that he's a soccer player? And like, is it in his profile? You can kind of tell he's got like athletic pictures with some like really professional type photos, but he doesn't outright say it. Gotcha. But you at least know you're getting-

But it came up pretty quickly. You know you're getting an athletic person, so. Definitely, yeah. Okay, so when you finally connect and you're like, okay, we're leaving the club, are you leaving alone to meet this guy? Like, how do you actually- No.

Okay. So what happened was we talked for like a day or two and we made plans. Oh wow. Yeah, we made plans to meet up at the club. I had some little bit of safety in mind in there, a little bit. And so we decided I would like meet up with him

at the club and see how the vibe was If I was into it, I would go back with him. If not, fuck it, you know Yeah, so how was he like was he pretty cool when you met him? Yeah, he was super sweet I'm really like fun and vibrant interesting kind of person and he had brought His friends with to the club two of them. So he broke. Okay, so he has his friends, you're with your friends. The night goes on, and then how about when it's time to like, let's get out of here? What is that like?

Well, basically he asked me, he was like, you know, they're all here. I know you think they're cute, you know, what do you wanna do? Do you wanna come back and maybe we could all have fun? Wow, that is a bold, bold request. Yeah. Hold on. He's African. Yeah, he's African.

So he's got like a cute African accent. I don't know if I would call it cute. I would call it very heavy and hard to understand. OK, so he's like, he's like, my friends are a good. And do you want to have fun? All of us together? Yeah. So wait, hold on. Can I also paint a picture? So what do you look like if we just, you know? Yeah. So, um, at the time I was like, I'm, I'm definitely like slim, thick kind of body, you know, and so I have like long or no, actually at the time I had like a bob, a brown bob, but really good

with makeup, really like cute tight skirt, like heels, you know, black like lingerie top, all good stuff. Nice. So, so the, okay, so he's like, would you come back? And then you were like, okay, so you were down. Yeah, so wait a minute. So you're down, like you hear that offer. How do you feel about it in the moment when he says, how about all of us go have fun? He had like hinted at it, but not outright said it earlier.

So I was kind of expecting it. Wow. And honestly, it was on my bucket list. So I was like, fuck it. Let's go was kind of expecting it. Wow. And honestly, it was on my bucket list, so I was like, oop, bucket, let's do it. So now, do you separate from your friends? Do you go ladies and, okay, and are they worried? Because a lot of times- They are absolutely out of their mind terrified.

Okay, now I believe your story. So, your friends are like, Yarlayvay with three black eyes. Yep. There was one of my friends was so drunk. She was just like, are you sure? Are you sure? You're sure?

You're sure? Are you sure? And my other friend was like straight up trying to talk me out of it. And I was like, no, I'm doing this. Here's one other question I have. How inebriated are you when you, when this is like,

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void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuanceance see dkng.co slash bball for eligibility and deposit restrictions terms and responsible gaming resources. No, I'm not should face I very much because I kind of had a feeling where the night was going to go. So I didn't want to be way too drunk, you know? Yeah, sure. So so okay, so what you get into a car cab or whatever, and you're driving home, it's you and like three African guys? Yep me and three African guys in this guys cab. So wait is it getting frisky in the cab already? Oh absolutely. Oh it is so you're like you guys are like hands on each other you guys are getting?

Yeah some hands a little bit of kissing nothing too crazy the cab driver was definitely freaked out. Okay and and you're and the kissing, the little bit of kissing is going between different guys, right? Yep. Okay. So it's obviously setting the mood for what's going, like it's being suggestive of what's going to happen. Oh, at that point, I fully understand what's gonna happen. Okay, so Abby, may I ask you woman to woman,

were you ranking these gentlemen on like, who gets first position? Meaning the, yeah. So she's already determined. Yeah, who's gonna be in my vag, who's gonna be in my A, who's gonna be in the mouth? Are you thinking this far ahead? Yeah.

Wow. And so, can I ask you this? What's the primo spot for you? Like what's your fave? What's number one going to? I mean, I need to make sure everyone looks, smells, and is clean before final decisions are made. But honestly, it was about, you know,

a lot of it was the face. You know, one of the guys just didn't have a great face, but his body was really nice. So where would you put him? It was like he's in the back, where I don't have to see his face. Got you. And then the other two,

I kind of let them decide a little bit more what they wanted. Okay. So wait, when we get to the place, does the physical, does it just kind of start right away? There's no need to waste any more time, right? Pretty much, yeah.

I mean, we're like chit chatting, you know, basic information, kind of like surface level shit, you know? But it pretty much starts right away. And then that's when the fourth guy comes out of nowhere. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Right, oh my God. So the fourth guy, he had been, he was there. Now what's your impression of this fourth gentleman?

He definitely isn't on the team because he's way shorter than them and he's not as cute. And he tells me his name is Billy. He tried to tell me his real name but I couldn't pronounce it so we went with Billy. Okay, and what did you have in mind for Billy then since he's not hot?

He can be a sideline addition. So he was mostly just like hands. We fucked a little bit, but it just wasn't as good. So he was like off to the side. I mean, the nice thing was you didn't go, hey man, get back in that room. Yeah, no, I was really inviting. Yeah, that's very nice.

Cause I can picture what it's like to be the Billy. Oh my God, me too. You walk out and you're like, hello. She's like to be the Billy. Oh my god Get the fuck out of here so So when things start have you like oh so these guys they all use condoms yeah, and Do you do you kind of like, you know, you're they're all naked now You're you're kissing you know, you're like, your guys are warming it up to it. And then do you kind of like, you know,

do you tell the guy, okay, like you get over here? Like do you direct them? Yeah, do you conduct traffic? The guy I had met initially definitely had like, alpha energy, so he was directing a lot, but I was also directing. But I would say like at the beginning, it was more him than me.

And then once I got a little more comfortable, it was mostly me. Yeah, let me ask you another question, woman to woman. Had you had anal before this? No. Wow. So this is your first time. Wow.

Yes. Okay, so let's talk about that. I was absolutely terrified because I didn't do any like prep work. I'm not, I'm new. Oh, shit. Were you afraid that you would doodoo all over them and stuff?

I was afraid of everything. Anything you could think of that could go wrong was absolutely running through my head. Tearing, doodoo. All of the, everything. So, okay, so how did it go? Like, so what goes in where first? Yeah, what's first?

Yeah. I'm trying to remember what exactly was first. This is five years ago, so I'm trying to be as accurate as possible. Probably BJ's, right? Probably BJ's to warm up? Yeah, definitely BJ's first. It was my first experience having a condom blowjob.

I've never done that before. They wanted that or that was just kinda- They wanted that, yeah. And I was like, sure. Oh, and these are, I mean, we can say it. There's a stereotype that black men have big dongs and according to you- Huge. These were huge.

Huge. All of them, all four of them, huge. All four huge. Good job, Abby. Even the ugly one. Yep. Even Billy. Old Billy had a big dong. Mm-hmm, Billy big one. Yep. Even Billy. Old Billy had a big gong.

Mm-hmm. Billy big boy. Yeah. So they all, and so you're blowing the four guys. Yep. And they're all huge. And then I think we started, and then we started like vaginally. It was first, and we just kind of did like a little Eiffel Tower moment, you know?

Yeah. And then after that, things started to get a little bit more intense because we wanted to incorporate all four guys at once, you know? That's wild. Wow. It is wild to like, this really is like movie, like porno stuff. Like you don't normally see, or most people don't have a story like this.

That's the truth. Yeah. So, but hold on, are you able to relax and enjoy any of this or is it just so overwhelming and over stimulating? You know what I mean? Like when you're in something usually you don't have time to like, oh, this is great Like are you relaxed enough? it was Somewhere in the middle. There was a huge part of me that was really enjoying it I was like I'm knocking something off my bucket list. This is gonna be a great story

I knew to tell my friends. I was like this does it felt okay. I wouldn't say it was the most like elating Physical experience because it was just so intense Yeah, but the intensity itself was kind of something I was after you you know? Sure. How did the guys finish? I mean, did they all finish in their condoms? They all finished in their condoms, yeah. Except for, no, no, no, except for one of them who wanted to like full on cum shot everywhere. So we did that for him.

Nice. But that was it. Yeah, otherwise it was finishing in the condoms. Made my life easier. I have to ask this, because we might be jumping at it, but when you tell your friends, I imagine they're like, what the fuck? Like, what do your friends say when you tell them the story?

So the one who was like way too drunk when I got back in the morning, she was passed out asleep in our Airbnb. But the other one had stayed up the whole night waiting for me. Oh, that's sweet. She loves me. That's a friend.

Yes, true love. She's my best friend. And she was like, all right, what the fuck happened? And I told her and she was proud. She was proud. Yeah. She was like, way to go, girl. She was like, you know what? You're here. You're alive. Yeah, no harm. You made it back to tell the tale. But let's walk through the tale again.

So what happens when a dog goes in your A and your V at the same time? So we tried Anil by itself first with like the first guy that I had been talking to and we tried it in like missionary and it hurt so bad. I was like, absolutely not. No red flags everywhere, absolutely not. So I switched to doggy, which I found out later is like I made such a rookie mistake by starting in missionary apparently,

and doggy's where it's at. And it was way easier. Yeah, all the professionals and the gays would say that. Yeah, so I switched to doggy and it made it a lot easier. Yeah, all the professionals and the gays say that. Yeah, so I switched to body and it made it a lot easier. And did you do the thing where you're sitting on one guy like cowgirl and then a guy is is anally in you as well? Behind me, yeah. Hey, that's a fucking advanced move. Yeah, Abby, congrats.

And for being 19 without porn experience, I think I did a pretty good job. Amazing. Did you have that and then one in your mouth also? Yep, and one in the hand. And one in the hand. I mean, she got airtight and then it had a bonus dog. I know, that's so hard.

That's such good work. That's so crazy. Wow. Was Billy the hand work? He was. Yeah. Hey Billy, you still got a hand. I'd still be like, ah, yeah, it's cool.

I'll just, I'll take some hand work. So did you- We did fuck for a little bit. So he got a little something. Okay, so then I'm so obsessed with this anal stuff. So when you guys are done, did you, were you afraid like, oh God, did I brown everywhere? No, cause like during, I kind of felt like I would have felt it.

Yeah. And I didn't feel anything, which, you know, is risky, but it felt good. No one was saying anything. Nobody smelled it. I got to ask you this. That is a, that's a crazy, like if you were to meet like new girlfriends and you guys are all having a glass of wine and you go, I got a pretty cut.

It's like a crazy story. I'm telling you like so many women would be like, oh my God, this chick is such a savage. So did you have any more comparable stories like this since then? Like did you? Yeah. Wow.

Not as, not to that level. Yeah. I think that's probably the peak, but I have a few that are pretty damn close. Like what? Threesomes? Well, I had a threesome with twins. Conjoined or regular? Identical, but regular. You had a thre you had identical twins. I did Was way better than the other one I thought was hilarious Oh, and let's talk about their dogs where their dogs identical as well They are one of them was like slightly bigger the one that was better Maybe it was my own bias perception because I thought he was better than maybe I thought he was bigger But I think this is a little bit bigger.

Wow. And how did you meet the identical twins? Tinder. Wow. And were they weirded out by each other? Yeah. No, it was their idea. Wow.

That is insane. That was another bucket list thing they asked me and I was like, no one else is gonna have a story like this. Absolutely. I will do that. And so both at the same time and like, so the, they did like vag and mouth and everything. Yeah. Wow. And they're looking at each other. It's like looking in a mirror. Basically. Yeah. Wow. Weird for them, but not my problem. Yeah. But then, but you,

definitely not my problem. Yeah, but then, but you. Yeah. Yeah. It's definitely not your problem. Not your problem. But you liked one of them more. That's interesting. Yeah, definitely. But was it, what was the excitement having like, cause with Tom, I would love to have double the Toms. Hmm.

You know? Yeah. Was there that, like they were, were they hot? They were hot, yeah. And they were both studying to be neurosurgeons. Oh, hell yeah, dude. By the way way we just outed them there's not that many fucking identical twins that are neurosurgeons right now. Yeah so congratulations doctor and doctor. So but you said you think one was slightly bigger but like

usually identical twins down to the shapes of their fingers are exactly the same. Right. Yeah. It could have been my bias because one of them was better. Better in that his movement, the way that he touched you. Yeah, the movement, the rhythm, the touch, the skill, all of it was better. He just seemed way more experienced.

I want to ask you this, Abby. What's Abby up to today? Today. You survived. Today I am semi-retired. Okay. From what? Slet operations? From being a slut. From slut operations. I still come out of my shell once in a while for something really worth it. But most of all, I kind of just like stick to myself. I got a dog I still come out of my shell once in a while for something really worth it. Sure. But most of all, I kind of just like stick to myself.

I got a dog. Okay. And it just helped center me. Are you in pursuit of a long-term relationship? You know, I am. I'm looking to bring my skills to a singular partner. One person. And let them enjoy the fruits of my labor.

Yeah. That's awesome. I think that would be great. But it's fun that you think that would be great. But it's fun that you've lived such a life. You've had so many fun experiences. And not only that, that your escapades got you all the way to YMH. Yeah. I'm so glad you shared your story.

What compelled you to share your story? You know, I love you guys so much and I was always hoping a story of mine would come to some kind of delightful fruition to serve me one day. And I was listening to the airtight stories and I was like, you know what, fuck it. They might not read it, they might, but at least it'll be out there.

And at least I told my story. Well, this is an incredible story, Abby. So thank you so much for messaging and for talking to us. We thought this was gonna be a five minute chat. It's at 25 minutes. So thank you so much for messaging and for talking to us we thought this was gonna be a five minute chat it's at 25 minutes so thank you so much. Write a book Abby. Well big hug big hug and I hope we get to meet you in person someday and maybe if you have six or seven African gentlemen with you they can all come to the show. Deal. Okay. Big hug. Thanks, Abby. Big hug. Thank you, Abby.

Thanks, you guys. Bye. Well, I'm glad Abby's okay. I'm glad she shared the story. That was really incredible stuff. I know. What's wrong? No, I just burped. Yeah. Feel good? Yeah. I think we need to take a break. Everyone needs to decompress. Yeah, we need to. That was a lot. I feel like I had three guys and then a fourth guy named Billy in my hand.

So I'm gonna take a quick second to gather myself. Billy big dick over here. Okay, we'll be right back. And we're back. I'm just reeling from Abby's fantastic story. Do you wish you would have gone airtight before we got married? I do.

I wish I could go back with like a couple of my good friends and just Plugged up some sweet little girl like that. Yeah, some college sophomore. You've got great male friends I do have some good friends I think it only strengthened your relationship to see all of them come the bond the bond Well, they say there's no bond like when you work with a group, you know Yeah, well you can have drinks with someone and you go, we're bonding.

No, no, if you go on an adventure, if you actually put in work together, that is where bonds are really formed. That's why platoons and people that are like partaking these really hard challenges. So I think that group of guys that plugged up Sweet Old Abby, I mean, they're probably to this day, you know. Thick as thieves.

Thick as thieves. Well and also for her, she has the memories to cherish for a lifetime. I mean, you must have been daydreaming about that during the call right? Oh, I was licking my chops the whole time. She was telling the story. It was like penthouse forum. Yeah, it was pretty cool. They were really nice guys.

I would have imagined rougher types doing it, telling the story, it was like Penthouse Forum. Yeah, it was pretty cool. They were really nice guys. Really nice. I would have imagined rougher types doing it, but these guys were like, I don't think it was covered in the call, but she wrote in that they were like, can we feed you, can we cook you something? Well, Tom, you catch more flies with honey. Yeah.

It's easier to lure women into it. You catch more honeys being fly. Hey, Matt Fulcher. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one. Do you think, Tom, I was watching this movie a long time ago called Wings of the Dove, Wings of the Dove, Helena Bonham Carter,

one of my gay English movies. Yeah. Picture this, Tom. Picture this shit, go ahead. It's the 1800s. I'm from a wealthy home. I've got money. Okay. But I'm in love with you and you're just a poor journalist. Okay.

We can't marry unless you have money. Okay. Okay. Now there's this friend of mine who's really, really rich and she's dying. Okay. Now. I'm seeing this coming together.

Right? All you have to do is bang her out as she's like on her way out. Like give her a nice time. Like the last month or two of her life. Okay. And she will likely leave you her fortune. Okay.

And then we can get married. Okay. Do you think you can do it without falling in love with that other lady? Well, she's dying. So what does that matter? What if she's an exceptionally cool person? I mean, I think you go into it with knowing that you're not going to fall in love because the person's about to die.

But then what if she's... How terminal are they? But then what if... But hold on. What if because she's dying, she does stuff with you that I never do? Like, what if she's like, I'm going to lick your scrum all day every day because I'm dying already. I know, but that's the thing is like, who cares, she's gonna die. You really think you can divorce your feelings?

From a dying lady? Yes. Yeah, yeah I do. Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and do it. Where do I sign? Okay, but here's the deal, man. Spoiler alert, the movie's been out since 1988, so. Okay. He falls in love with the dying lady. With the dying lady? But then what?

Doesn't she die? So then, she dies, but then, so Helena Bonham Carter, there's this great scene. She goes to see him, because he comes back to England, right? From Italy where they were romancing the dead lady. And he doesn't call her. And she's like, she shows up at his office

and she knocks on the door and he doesn't answer right away. And she's like, oh, did you not hear me knocking? And he's like, no, I guess not. And then they start to get, she tries to seduce him. She gets naked. She gets on top of him. And she's like, and he's like not into it. And she's like, well, you know, tell me,

do you think, can we still get married? And he's like, yeah. And she's like, but are you in love with her? And he's like, quiet. And she's like, are you in love love with her? And he's like quiet. And she's like, are you in love with the memory of her? And he was. And he was. And that was the end of the movie.

They couldn't be together because it had destroyed them. It destroyed them. The money. So did she leave him everything? Yeah. She did. The dead lady left him everything. How so she was very sick. Yeah. She was like terminal.

She was real pretty too and young. And so what did they do with their time together? I mean, isn't that in the movie? Yeah, they go to Italy, because she wanted to die in Venice as opposed to like being sad and stuff. And they went out at night and he was very reluctant. He was like, I'm in love with Helena Bonham Carter,

not you. He told her that? No, they trick her because she does it like, no, it's a trick, it's a ruse. But he fell for her anyway. He fell for her anyway, Cause she does it like, no, it's a trick. It's a ruse. But he fell for her anyway. He fell for her anyway. Cause she was so pure and sincere and loving and stuff.

And she probably licked his ass the way Helena Bonham Carter never did. I doubt it. But it sounds like Helena was the, was the real Lucy Goosey in that relationship. Yeah. Yeah, she was very open. She couldn't woo him with that though.

It was all about the pure love that he felt Yeah, and then he was just in love with this because she was such a pure soul. She really was like a nice lady Well, let's give it a shot. Let's see what happens Let's see. I mean, what if it's this lady? I would make sure she was ugly So good lately. I've been working so hard eating so much and it's really starting to pay off. Do you think? and it's really starting to pay off, do you think? Love it. I will say her foundation's too dark on her face. It doesn't match the body.

It is, because you see the contrast, yeah. That's the biggest problem for me. I don't know that that's the biggest problem, but it's certainly one of the issues. I like that she says, and I've heard this in other videos like this, I've been working really hard. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, it's hard to eat every hour. She drinks, weight gain shakes constantly to become fatter, calls herself a happy, healthy queen. Cool. Yeah. And she's like, I'm getting bigger. Don't you think it's awesome? It's cool how a body dysmorphia can work in different ways.

You know? How she's like, don't I look great? Listen, it's hard for me because I- She's got a fucking burnt belly. If I didn't care at all how I looked, this is exactly who I would be because I can eat all the time. I literally have to like up my dose of ozempic

not to eat through it all the time. Burt Kreischer's fat. Oh my God, he's so fat. Is he still super fat? No, he's definitely. Is he this fat? He was pretty big. He was this big before,

but I think he's probably down to, he's probably at least 25 pounds less than her. 25. That's true. That's not a lot for dudes. Like a girl loses five pounds and it's like noticeable. You wouldn't notice five on her. No, I know.

She would just have to stop drinking soda and she would lose like 10 pounds at this point. Yeah. That's how I looked pregnant was our first kid when I gained like 200 pounds. Yeah, it's definitely And like why wear the thong she's got a thong on she should just wear full flavors. Yeah, why are you trying to jazz that up? But Chrysler do it so yeah, I'll be fat do it me if I turn Tom It's just talking about

Oh, is that? He's just talking about how funny he is. If it's a tongue thing, the language is that tongue thing. But yeah, this is, this is a, this is the whole, it's crazy that this, the human mind is just so fascinating. This is totally arousing to some people. Yeah. Watching a woman gain tons and tons of weight

and they're just like, ugh, they just worked up over it. By some people you mean men, just like a small group of men. Well, I'm saying that some men are like very, like women you'll see, they go, I like a bigger guy. That's like, you know, they're like, I just, I like, yeah. Men, there's men who are like, I love, I'm aroused by a woman gaining a few hundred pounds. It's just, it's so fascinating to me.

So hot. How it works, like how the mind works like that. I don't get it. No, it's connected to their schmeckle. But our brains are just so cool. I bet you didn't know that Kurt Cobain was probably trans. Here's why. First off, Kurt wore a lot of women's clothing.

And when asked about this, they replied that they wore dresses all the time because they felt comfortable and free. Just look at Kurt in these pictures. They look so happy. It was the 90s, you stupid bitch. And in an interview about their childhood, Kurt said that they mostly hung out around girls and that at one point they thought they might be gay.

Many trans people who don't have the vocabulary yet to express their gender identity will describe what they're feeling as being gay. That's exactly what I did in middle school. I think it's also interesting that this person chooses to give Kurt Cobain they them pronouns. I know. They said they were like their.

No, it's so gay. And like, okay, so then is David Bowie trans? Robert Smith trans? Kurt is also quoted as saying that they identify more with the feminine than with the masculine. So did Prince. This is clear quoted as saying that they identify more with the feminine than with the masculine. This is clear proof that Kurt did not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. And the most convincing evidence that Kurt was trans was in an early version of Nirvana's All Apologies lyrics where Kurt wrote, let me grow some ****. That is clear-cut gender dysphoria. And

of course Kurt will never be able to tell us themselves but the evidence makes it pretty obvious they were trans that might be why Kurt's no longer with us maybe Kurt knew that we weren't ready bitch you weren't even alive like this person is not even alive when Kurt was alive look what are you talking about? You didn't even fucking get out of here. Wait, is this person trans? Yeah. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. I know I know and all they do is wait for like the sweet bus boy to misgender them and then Righteously indignant you mean this Sheer Yeah, it's okay. It's all good. It was not all good. Oh boy. Hi, are you she her pronouns? I'm not sir

Yeah, like it's like a knife in the heart Okay Hey, man, it's like a knife in the heart. Okay. Hey man, it's like a knife in the heart. Yeah. Fucking look at me and you say he like you're a fucking asshole. You know that? You gotta try a little bit better. Yeah, you gotta make some more. I don't look very good without makeup on, but I still put, I put the makeup on so I don't get called sir.

I push these little hairs in my face every day just to make it look like I have beard. I take hormones to stay a lady, you know? No, you know what really does bother me is that this person gets mad at the sweet immigrant who doesn't even think in terms of like, you know what I mean? They don't have pronouns in that person's country.

Right, it's like Rudy. They don't have pronouns in that person's country. Right, it's like Rudy the Salvadorian busboy, like the guy who gets paid the least in the restaurant, but he works the hardest and he's always got a good attitude. And this cunt is like, it's her, it's she, it's she her. Like it's not that clear to Rudy. There's a lot of people who don't, honestly who don't know what a pronoun is.

No, of course. A lot of people. This is not, this is first world stuff, man. It's not even. This is silly. There's a lot of, I No, of course. This is first world stuff, man. It's not even. This is silly. There's a lot of, I mean, I've seen videos where they go, what's your pronoun? And the guys like, I mean, I like fish. People don't all operate on this bandwidth.

No, this is silly. And I think, at least my sources in England tell me that. My English friends are like, yeah, we're not having this pronoun stuff. Really? They're not into it either This is this is not not happening. Yeah only America Bananas It's just silly I have so much to say but I won't okay well

Maybe I'll say the live shows maybe what you need is to Kind of reevaluate how you're traveling these days. Oh, okay. If you guys didn't know about this amazing hack. It's a hack. You can bring coconuts on the airplane. It's a hack. I don't like to drink water in airports.

Yeah. You can't get water through security. Sure. But you can bring coconut water on the airplane. It's easier. Get a coconut. Coconut water is a great source of magnesium, manganese, all kinds of good stuff. So hold on, 10 coconuts in there.

Do you have clothes? I'm gonna have to drink on this plane. You know how heavy that bag is? And I've got meat. So I got some burgers. The empty bag with coconuts. Hot burgers, regular burgers. How do you travel?

And I'm bringing it on the plane. So that's how I travel. What a dumb cut. What a fucking psycho this guy is. And not only that, do you know what we, you know how hard it is to poke a coconut? You need a knife. Yeah, what are you doing? How the fuck are you puncturing that do you know we you know how hard is to poke a coconut you need a knife Yeah, what are you doing?

Flat sense like excuse me. He's like I'm just getting my coconut ready wait He needs a knife to put to put a hole in it So how the fuck is he gonna bring his knife on his eye? I feel like that's what he'd say right before he puts a fucking straw through his throat. I hate this so much Well and only to like bitch you can't survive like a two hour thing of drinking. Also, I don't like to drink water in airports. What do you mean? What are you talking about?

You can buy like Avion at the airport. You can't? He's like, I don't like to do that. It's not good enough. It's easier to bring 10 coconuts on the plane. Fucking moron. God. What a crazy person. I hate him so much.

And I hate his stupid shoes. I hate him. I hate this. I hate it. I'm so angry. Yeah, just bring, it's more practical, a bag full of coconuts on it. But it should be illegal.

He should be thrown in a mental hospital. A mental institution. There you go. Wait, who's worse, this guy or the last guy? Or girls, right? Oh, the's worse, this guy or the last guy? Or girl, sorry. Oh, the last they them. You know why? I'll tell you why.

This doesn't ruin people's lives. Like, that person going to restaurants and actively getting like hardworking immigrant people fired because of your mental fucking dysphoria, that's on another level of inconsideration. This is just annoying and silly. Yeah. But imagine you're next to him on the plane. Oh, and he's fucking popping coconuts. fucking dysphoria, that's on another level of inconsideration. This is just annoying and silly. But imagine you're next to him on the plane.

Oh, and he's fucking popping coconuts. And he's eating meat that he reheated and brought from home, heart. And he's telling you about it. He's definitely telling you about it. Oh, he's telling you about it. Because there's no way you don't, you can't not engage.

Because even with your headphones on, you're like, what the fuck is that? And he's like, I make my own beef heart at the house. And you're like, oh, great. And then try to cover back up. And then he's like, I was like, what the fuck's going on? Oh, I brought these coconuts.

Do you want one? So do you think he does it so that people talk to him and ask him? I mean, he definitely likes that. He does it for the attention. I think he's a super healthy guy. He looks great. He looks great. Yeah, he's very healthy.

Because I had the crazy idea to bring a heating pad on my last flight because I get so cold in the morning. And I was like, what if I just... But I'll tell you what I did. I put it in my carry-on and it was right in front of me. And there was a plug. I could have done it. Holy shit. But I was so mortified at the me being the idiot

that pulled out my heating pad and plugging it in and being that guy, that I didn't do it. You gotta do that, because that's a new level of crazy. You gotta start doing that. It really is. You should, you should do that.

That's what I thought. I was like, oh, I should stop myself. It's totally insane. Someone's gonna see and tell people and Christina's out of her fucking mind using- Okay. But I'm so cold on these flights. I already am wearing my zip-up fucking jackets,

my parkas, I'm cold. So we've made fun of Disney adults, the ones who spend their times at the park, but this is such a funny clip, I had to show you this. This is, this has one of the actresses who was in, her name is Miriam Margolis, This is, this has one of the actresses who was in, her name is Miriam Margolis. She was known as Professor Sprout from the Harry Potter series.

Is that a Harry Potter scarf? Yes. Yes indeed it is. Well I wouldn't have known. I didn't know that. You're in the film. I'm not unhappy about it. I just think that it's for children. And if your balls have dropped,

then it's time to forget about it. You know, that it's for children. And if your balls have dropped, then it's time to forget about it. You know, go on to other things. Oh, Mary and Margulies. Seriously, it's a great series. It's a wonderful set of films. I'm proud I was in it. But it was 25 years ago, you know grow up He's like I'm fucking guys like And or I wore my Griffin doors. I'm team Griffin door You know what's probably happened in this poor woman is that people have written her letters like please officiate my wedding Oh everything how do I make a spell walks down the street and they're like I'm slathering How do I make a spell to make? And she walks down the street and they're like,

I'm slithering out. She's like, okay. Yeah, what's the spell to make my cock grow bigger? You know that she's getting just so much shit. Yeah, so she's like, have your balls dropped? I mean, that's pretty aggressive, you know. Oh my God. Yeah, she's had enough.

She's had enough. That's too much. She's like, is that why you brought me on here to talk about fucking Harry Potter again? She's so over it. And I always like how the female host of these chat shows gets super embarrassed. And she's like, oh, balls.

I've never heard that before. I'm married. Oh. Feigning like she didn't have balls in her mouth this morning with her husband. Or, you know, like these people have never given birth or taken a shit, and they're like, they're just so above it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It makes me, it's crazy. The feigning of like, oh, I'm so embarrassed. Yes. Don't you hate that shit? Of course, but all morning shows, it's a blueprint and they just plug people in to do, they all do the same thing.

There's nothing. Who can watch these fucking morning shows? It's somebody who, they like it because it's just, it's manufactured, right? Those people don't all feel like that. They're like, good morning. It's another great day out here. And we have such a great program for you today.

We're gonna learn how to make the strawberry shortcake. Yeah, and they all come in with that, like it's manufactured energy. But I think some people see that and they go, this is the bright spot of my day. Like seeing these people be this happy. Be phony. Yeah, because they see it as just happy.

I just, to me, it makes me so angry because I know how fake and disingenuous. Also, you've been on those shows and they're like, eh, and cut and they're like, all right, so we're gonna come back and they talk to you normal. Yeah, they're normal people, but then they put. You're gonna be at the improv this week. Yeah, they turn around and you're like, uh-huh.

Yeah. Yeah, and they weird so weird it out if you joke about anything it's terrible it's like this phony puritanical shit well she is right yes if your balls have dropped which is funny our kids are not remotely interested in Harry Potter and we have tried we've tried a lot so many times and they're like is there blood knives yeah this is stabbing yeah I don't see it but they also went through for there blood knives? Yeah. Is this a stabbing? Yeah. I don't wanna see it. But they also went through for the period

where they were just like, this seems scary cause it was like witches and spells. It's too scary maybe still. There's all types of- Oh, have I mentioned, is it cake yet? Have I? Oh, I have. Okay, well in case I, sorry I forgot.

I'm on is it cake this season. It's episode five. Mikey Day, thank you so much for letting me come on the show. He's a great host. He did great. Finally, my kids are remotely impressed with my show business career because I was on Is It Cake? Yeah.

It was a fun show to do and I love it. Anyway. You did great. If you have kids, watch it. It's fun. And Tom, you played with us during the episode and it's hard, right? It is hard. Yeah. I've never watched it before. It's fun though. I like how stupid it is.

I like how silly. It's a though. I like how stupid it is. I like how silly. It's a great formula for a show. I know. And God damn. So silly. Are they talented, these bakers? I know. Unreal.

I know. Unbelievable. And I can tell you that the cakes really tasted amazing. Especially the snake cake. That was my favorite. I think they should get one non-baker to participate and try to do the same thing. That would be hilarious.

It's just you. Snake is like. I can, and was just like, snake with like. I can, and I make it out of the box. Like, I like that she cake, that white trash. And you're like, that's just a yellow cake with tried to frost it. Yeah, but I shaped it. And you're like, yeah, it was just a snake. Bomb made into a snake.

It's a turd cake. Just a friendly reminder to look up in the trees every now and then. Wow. That is terrifying. Holy shit. By the way, she's gone airtight. Oh, for sure. For sure.

She just showed up. I was like, oh, for sure. Allison Wonderland is a forest therapy guide who hosts events for adults to reconnect with nature through natural movement. Oh, this is in Austin. Yeah, it looks like Lady Bird. Well, we could reconnect with her.

I wouldn't mind having her in studio. She seems very nice. Do you really need a 20 year old to show you how to, like, do you need help? I'm lost. You just go for a walk. I don't know where to go. You do you need help? I'm lost. I don't know. You just go for a walk. I don't know where to go. You need help from that?

I don't know where to go. I don't know how to reconnect with nature. You know what I mean? She knows how, she was barefoot too, right? In that tree? She was, I think it's probably better for gripping. Yeah. Do you use your toe strength?

I mean, she's got to feel out what's there, yeah. These are all questions we don't have answers to until we talk to her. We need her, yeah. Good point. Touche. Yeah. These are all questions we don't have answers to until we talk to her. We need her. Yeah. Good point. Touche. Yeah. So true.

All right, Allison. Well, we're looking forward to... I mean, I imagine you'd cut your little tootsies up getting up those trees. She would have the answers. And also it's like, she does, I think adult groups, maybe the whole YMH team could do a... Oh my gosh, she's local.

Yeah. Get in touch. Cause I do want to send you guys to a men's retreat. And then... Yes.H. team could do a... Oh my gosh, she's local, yeah. Get in touch. Cause I do wanna send you guys to a men's retreat. And then... Yes. Yes, you don't have to masturbate. It's an option. You don't have to do it. Ball cupping.

Yeah. I feel like Tanner would do it. Yeah. Can we send them on a men's retreat? I think we can. We make it mandatory. Not with the piss shaman, right? Not with the piss shaman.

No. Okay. Yeah, I would do that. All right I thought that's definitely we were talking about. Yeah, he's in Canada. You'd have to go local So I think he'll make the trip if you do the men's retreat. Oh, here we go. This is perfect men's intensive retreat in Austin connection embodiment brotherhood Masculinity expression so far. I'm digging this. I'm just not it lined up, huh? Yeah.

Yeah. Huh. Yes, I want in. Eddie, this men's retreat takes you on an intense journey back to yourself. Yep. Who are the facilitators? Let's see.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Alex and Erin. They look sweet though. They do look sweet. These guys don't look. This could be a genuine thing where bros are just hugging. Is your penis cut?

They're going to open with that. They have clothing on. That is a positive. Because the other guy, clothing optional. They just look like sweet guys. I think you guys do need to get connected to your feelings a little bit more. Oh there's more, scroll down. Oh yeah.

Just doing some bath with your bros one picture shirts off It's all included. Okay, let's go down. What is included in this lodging? Ranch outside of Austin couple days meals Aaron is known for ensuring the meals are always on point nourishing and delicious. That's really cool Activities what kind of activities deep within and get to know yourself activities breath work. Yes sweat lodge ice Absolutely and a lot more. Well, that's kind of broad and vague. It is vague and the lodging as well It's just at the ranch like what kind ofging? Are we all in one room together? Do secrets stay at the ranch? Here's a trailer of the experience. Wanna watch the trailer?

Hell yeah. I wanna watch the trailer. You guys are going. Men's intensive retreat. Okay, a little stretching. That's normal. You have to have a ponytail. That was breathing. Beads. Dog beads. Oh, there's patinails. Listening to this guy talk. Gazing. Staring into each other's eyes. That's gazing into each other's eyes. More gazing. Breathwork. There we go. Breathwork. Naked shaman work. I feel like it's stepping back to another time. Ice baths.

This is bonding. So far it looks really positive. Oh yeah, some aggression is getting out. You need that, yeah you need that. Now the clothes are coming off. Did you notice that shirtless? There's ice baths. Nude ice baths. Stretching, boxing, underwear. We got more underwear now.

More boxing, more breathing, more movement, some laughing, some hugging. Hugging. Clapping. And at the very end, Abby walks out and she's like, all right, boys, which one of you wants to put your cock in here oh you can eat salad and bread I'm gonna wear a crying anchored chip tears emotions there's a lot of nose rings in this type of world I like sound baths yeah more hugging this great. I saw a lot of hugging. I got to tell you, I've never come that hard before in my life.

Yeah, that seems pretty cool. So if you guys go, then we book the tree climbing experience for you afterwards. You have to do one before you go to the other. Austin does have such lovely healing things. Yeah, it does. You should really, we should really put them through a rigorous healing thing.

Yeah. I think that's a great idea. I actually did do a sound bath. That was a good point. Just a friendly reminder to look up in the trees every now and then. That's so high. That's really high, bro.

Holy Mackerel. I mean. And she had the wherewithal to bring her phone out. Yeah one arm turn it Wow, she's daring. She's that she's been doing those trees for a while. She's been doing a lot of stuff. Yeah Yeah, she's a very open type of gal She's very cool open to danger. Yeah fucking a Tom. All right, I cannot do that. I'd be so scared It seems a little scary. Here we go. Here you go, Jean.

It's your turn to shine. Here you go. Okay, all right. So here's the thing. I went to the doctor and turns out I have a parasite. He was like, do you have animals? I was like, yes. I French kiss my cat 24 seven.

Do you have a problem, doctor? And he said, well, you have a worm, you have a parasite. You shouldn't kiss him in the mouth. And I said, well, we're you have a problem doctor and he said well you have a worm you have a parasite you shouldn't kiss him in the mouth and I said well we're gonna have a problem because I prefer to die and rot tomorrow in a dark hole so I can keep kissing my cat so then he told me take these pills it's just one pill actually you take a pill and then you dewormworm. So I was like, okay, so can I continue breastfeeding my cat? He said, yes, you can. So that's it.

So I have a worm inside of me and it's fine. I can still kiss my cat. This is a primo tic tac. Yeah, this is good. Well, cause here's the deal, man, is that I am conflicted cause I am an animal lover as well. I don't have a cat, but I mean, I is good. Well, cause here's the deal, man, is that I am conflicted, cause I am an animal lover as well. I don't have a cat, but I mean, I get it.

This is a real love. And if you're really into it. She'd rather die than rot. Yeah, but is it worth the intestinal parasites? Because from what I hear, it's not as simple as, hey, I take a pill and the parasite leaves. Like you're shitting and shitting and shitting. This woman would rather seriously go to the fucking ICU

than stop kissing that cat. I believe it. I believe it. I believe it. I believe it too, but pet lovers, I mean, we do crazy shit. Some people are full, I mean, open mouth. There are animals in their mouth.

And let the dog, now I tell you, that is kind of where I draw the boundary with our dogs. In past two, I don't let them lick my, I don't really like it when they're in my mouth. Some people like it. I used to have them clean my beard out for me. That was funny. Food in here and then they're like.

Yeah, we put cheese on your beard and Bitsy would lick it out. That was fun. Yeah. Well, I hope your parasite heals. I hope it goes away. It's so hard to get, it's not easy. Good luck with that, Miss.

There is a woman. I would rather die. There was a woman on TikTok who didn't want to take the medicine to get rid of her parasites. And she was doing it naturally. And then was like, that's not gonna work. I love when people just decide that modern medicine is not the way.

That's good. Take the medicine. Figure it out yourself. Okay, two days after my treatment, I'm still a little swollen here, but you really couldn't tell until I take off my glasses. Oh fuck. When I take off my treatment, I'm still a little swollen here, but you really couldn't tell until I take off my glasses Fuck when I take off my glasses, you can really see how swollen That I still is so

Usually by today that I is a bit better than it is right now, but that's why we waited these I'm checking again later. Yeah, it makes you look more normal with the glass doing a Tattoo removal. Yeah, eight makes you look more normal with the glasses on. She's doing a tattoo removal. Yeah. She's just eight treatments in. I mean, I just wonder, how much can you really get off with the treatments? It's not guaranteed. No.

It's not gonna be. Fuck. This is a drug, by the way, I think this girl did a lot of drugs and did these tattoos when she was really, you know, mental on that. Oh, I think so too, yeah. Yeah.

That's usually what happens with this is they get off the drugs and they're like, this isn't working for me. This won't help. But I will admit, the one facial tattoo I would get is the Dia de los Muertos skull, remember? That girl had the full- You would do that to yourself?

Like if I had to choose, okay. Okay, ready? You have to choose. A facial tattoo. A crazy meth facial tattoo. What are you gonna do? What's the theme? Are you going jugalow, like the guy?

Are you going Dia de los Muertos face? Which I like the skull, I'm gonna go there. I mean. You could do Mickey Mouse. You could go funny, you could go scary. You gotta go kinda scary and then, I mean you could do tears. You could go reptile. Can you do tears? No, it's gotta be like around the face.

Then I do the one eye thing, you know? Go around one eye. Like a Dalmatian? Like a star. Like little rascals. Around the eye. Like Tyson. Like Tyson or something, yeah.

No, but you gotta go full, you gotta cover your face, babe. You gotta cover your whole face? It's not just one. Then you gotta go like Crazy Reuben. Kiosk. You know Crazy Reuben? Did you type that in? You don't know Crazy Reuben?

I don't know this guy, who's this fella? This is Crazy Reuben, right here. Oh, that's dope, yeah. Oh yeah, this guy crushes, I like him. Yeah, I go with. Yeah, that looks dope. Crazy Reuben does it. Yeah, but that's a little stepping on my idea

of Dia De Los Martes, that's like the skull. Okay, Crazy Ruben keeps getting locked up. Dog, I don't know what's happening, but he's been posting from the inside too. This is rad. Yeah. Actually, it looks really dope. Hit his IG because he has posted from prison all the time. I've met him before. You have?

Yeah, I met him at the airport one time. What? Yeah, those are, see, he's locked up, dude. He's like, fucking got me back in this bullshit Well, it looks great and then you have like I mean that's if you're gonna do it you do it like Ruben does it Look at him. Look at him before he got tatted. Oh shit with John McCain We're not talking John McCain way, dude. What it's a round You know that if he was fully tatted up they've been like hey get up

You know sitting here. I Will say great tattoos for prison though. That's exactly how you want to look when you're in prison look at handsome Ruben with his kid No, he's adorable and then look at him right there. He's like I don't fuck around the way look at him right here Yeah, then something happened. Yeah but 2017 he was full facial. That's how you do it, I think. If you're gonna do it, look at the eyes, bro. Go hard.

Look at that one. You sit down for lunch, you're like, holy shit! Did you see the next table? You're fucking scared. So good. And then everyone's like, he's actually a great guy. And you're like, okay. He's sweet.

Okay. Goes to my church Yeah, yeah, I like him. He might actually have a photo of us together on there. Wait, is he a model? I think he's modeled before yeah, like what's his story? I don't know the whole story But we ran into each other in an airport when I knew who he was Want to say we took a picture and you knew him from what the interwebs? Yeah, I knew him from from this There he is with Conan. Oh cool Yeah

Well, so that's the start of the facial stuff. He started with the chin. Oh, yeah And then oh he's got LA. Oh, the fucking foot has the crazy pattern on it, too. Yeah Look at that shit. Whoa Dude that hurts so bad the toes I bet because there's no meat on your toes. It's just bone Yeah Yeah, that's when you're really all about that life. You've got to be committed. Yeah, you're not getting that shit removed Uh-uh. Let's go to the next one. That's lifelong homie. Nine months ago today. I woke up speaking with a Welsh accent Nine months ago today. I lost my identity. I lost part of who I am.

And how have I coped? Not very well. I'm not gonna lie. It's been the longest, hardest nine months ever. I mean no one knows how long I'm gonna have this accent for. It could go, it could stay, it could change. This was one of the things that YMH actually, I would say we covered foreign accent syndrome well before other people did. For sure we did. It was years and years ago. I have not actually heard my voice in a conversation for nearly three years now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is a real phenomenon, people, where people wake up with totally foreign accents that they didn't even know.

Remember, like, she probably doesn't even know where a Welsh accent is, but she can do it. Yeah, it's wild. And like Australia. Anything can happen. That's foreign accent syndrome for you. Like, yeah, I hope I get this. It's always like, so if people know,

foreign accent syndrome is, it's a result, I hope I get this. It's always like, so people know foreign accent syndrome is, it's a result of head trauma. So you have head trauma, you get a neurological, like episode happens within you, and then people end up speaking with an accent foreign to their own. The thing that was always curious though about, like when the lady had the Asian accent,

is that her grammar changed. She said, I have not actually had my voice in conversation, not in a conversation, in conversation. For nearly a year now. Yeah, like she can't speak English properly. Yeah, her actual ability to speak the English language was changed. That's crazy. But do you think it's like your brain

just goes to some file? Like, oh, maybe she knew this person that spoke that way 10 years ago and it's there. There's been multiple, um, examples of this through over the last, especially over the last decade that I've seen every time it's reported in the news, I get hit with those messages. They're like, Oh, look, this is another case. So cool. Yeah. It seems pretty mild to me though, right?

Well, and I like Welsh. I mean, it's within reason. It's like a white lady like me would speak with an Asian accent. That'd be pretty crazy. That would ruin my life. It would be very. People are like, are you fucking with me?

Your stand up would take a whole new turn. Oh boy, oh boy. He's a go to be here. Yeah. I have two children. Don't curse me watch I'm gonna get this shit Okay, stitch this with your best. Why the fuck did I retain every single word to this? Good morning, Julia. It's me Joe Just want to say hi

Wish you a great day Like that meeting you yesterday and getting to look at you was probably one of the greatest moments of my life. You were so beautiful. You don't know how beautiful you are to me. You're gorgeous, you're precious. But it's been sitting in my mind, you said to me, you want to go back with your ex boyfriend? Please erase him from your memory.

Don't ever go back in the past. I know, because I've been there. The fan on. And I understand when you're trying to find somebody and going on dates. And nothing compares to your ex. There is that better person out there. And Julia, I promise you, it it is me I will love you like

Cherish you I'll make you feel like a woman Believe you experienced me you want to know your ex-boyfriend is so Open up your heart to me in your arms Let's go full throttle I Can see me fall in love with you? There's a sad. I just looked in your eyes. I just melt Anyhow headed off to work. This is my little home everything you see behind me I built everything she's got square

everything you see behind me. I built everything. She's got these square ridges from crowns, boulders, and chair rails, from floors, to lighting, to plumbing, doors, windows. So this is the type of guy I get. I'm a very handy guy. And I'd love to build you whatever you want. You're a sweetheart. So I hope this video doesn't scare you. But that's how I feel. I just want you to know that. Okay. So I hope this video doesn't scare you, but that's how I feel. I just want you to know that. Okay. And I look forward to going out to dinner with you. So let's make it happen. Mwah. Ciao baby. Oh, unbelievable. She crushed it. At Red Wine House. Thank you. At Red Wine House on TikTok, that was absolutely phenomenal.

Dude, she got everything, the expressions, the emotional through line, the hesitation, the everything. Some of these stick with people, man. They really do. Well, Joe was a special, he was a special guy. I mean, the other day, I quoted Joe, just the two of us in the house. Like I left something in the toilet for you and you called me out on it. And I was like, this is the two of us in the house. Like I left something in the toilet for you

and you called me out on it and I was like, this is the type of girl you're getting. Yeah, it's true. So you know. I know and yeah, I mean like somebody came up to me the other day and told me that they were sending me buckets of hate from right next to them. Like these things, they just stick with you, man.

They do. Oh my God. Oh yeah, that's not good. What the fuck Yeah, I forgot why I wanted to send this in. Thank you. What did I send that in? That's very cool I think it's just there was there's nothing before this. This is just an image Christina curiosity interesting. I'm not sure why I sent this a serious Christina doesn't know why she sent this He's like shouting in Arabic, it's just terrible pressure like that on your calves hurts He's like shouting in Arabic. It's just terrible pressure like that on your calves hurts

Damn tiny with this is the whole account dedicated to this guy stripping muscles in Arabic It's so funny cuz they're all screaming This is so Russian. I know. This is American. Goddamn. You're just getting hit in the shins. In the shins while he's fucking holding weight over his head? Like a barbell over his head? Yeah. That shit hurts so bad. The shit people do for these videos. I know. That's why I love it. Please keep doing it. We love it. Thank you. Good luck with your shins. This is wild. So this is, this is just a sinkhole or whatever.

This guy is just walking in the department store. Oh, is a lady. Looks like a lady. Just collapses. This is the accident happened due to construction on the ground floor. Could you imagine? That's not really a technically. Sorry, not a single.

I didn't. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. You're just walking along and the ground falls. Could you imagine? So that's not really a technically a sinkhole. Sorry, not a sinkhole. I didn't, yeah. Fuck. Yeah, you're just walking along and the ground falls. How's that person doing? Departments, they're fine. Still a sprained ankle, it's good. Okay.

Fine. Yeah, that was crazy. All right, that was a cool one to transition to. Just disappearing in the ground. Yeah. Oh, what's the, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Whoa! And also because it's a foreign sounding scream. Yeah. I like the sound of that. Foreign screams are fun.

I agree. Cause you're like, they're not really, they're having fun. Yeah. All right. Yeah. What a fun show today. Yeah, we covered so much ground. This was great.

Yeah. Thank you, Abby. Thanks Abby. You really made it special. And thank you all for watching, for listening. This is the type of show you, Abby. Thanks Abby. You really made it special and thank you all for watching for listening This is a type of show you're getting We'll be back in a week. We'll see you out on the road Go to Christina P online. Yeah calm Tom's girl calm for tickets and

Hate from Australia buckets of hate from Austin. We'll see you soon. Thanks guys. Bye bye. Ver, Sachi Kalachi speaking. Who the fuck is this? It's me, purple hair girl from the chair. I was the one who f****** myself on cam that time, remember? Oh hell yeah man, what up sis? I remember you, you were flicking your bean on the couch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember you, what the? I don't have time to talk.

Listen, where are you at? I'm just home here now. Hold up though, where are you calling from? I'm stuck way down in the mountain up though, where are you calling from? I'm stuck way down in the mountain. I need you to come get me. Yeah, I could do that. I'm looking at, mm-hmm, say eight o'clock, 8.15.

Fuck, you're doing good. Thank you so much. You're literally saving my life. Bam, say no more. I am on the way, bitch. Awesome, piss on me, beat me. You're the coolest for this. No, you are. You are the coolest. Cool Girls for Life!

We about a year. Woo-hoo! This is Captain Marcel. I went down into the mountain, we're rollin' And Bess and Koopa took my sister, now we gotta expose him If you're a Hufflepuff, do not piss me off Just keep on scrollin' I ain't impressed by crown moldin'

Show me that dick that you holdin' Tick tock tock, I'm a fucking walking mermaid, bitch Just keep on scrollin' I ain't impressed by crown molding Show me that dick that you holdin' T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t Fuck, I shout out mistress Kawhi when I'm sniffing parts out of butts Tattoo my brown eyes, scream some big words and I married my son Spit in them tongues and shit cause I'm a fucking blessing blood Cuts in a hoonan off in a booger doobla that's what we do You do you do, do not do you and yes my eyes are tattooed Funny story, like Perry in the jail Tick tock what he do Do you ever worry that you're all worded and no one's telling you?

I'm a reckless eyeballing hoes Just how I was made up Selling a necklace made of moose turds out the back of my trunk Alright assholes listen up You'll never make Potter cum If you ain't licking the scrum honey you ain't tricking no one Clown check Abracadabra bu-bu-bu-boom chock-a-day

Wanna see a Spartan kicker taste a bit of the poutine I made? You wanna fuck with my mate, huh? Twin goddesses activate Identify as a threat, a nightmare And my pronoun is your grace I would recommend a freezing semen Even though my health ain't improving But I bet you growing loose holes ain't hardcore enough to do it

Nature's brain multivitamin, why the fuck would I not use it? You busting clips in my sips, I'm literally leap on influid I know you love me I know you love me He wants to lick, get up on his ass Put it in your mouth and lick it like glass I know you love me I know you love me He wants to lick, get up on his ass

Put it in your mouth and lick? Get up on the sacks Put it in your mouth and lick it like glass Who the fuck you been lettin' sample your Energetic template A spirit working star C channeler Hybrid asshole kid Bring up a boy, take your bike You better not touch me, bitch

Motherfuckers, you need to restock the hot cocoa when you're done with it Some cacti take a hammock shit Pop the vasectomy stick, now I'm straight polyvite with vocal fry and size G tip. I keep smelling my vagina in hopes that it'll smell better, it just doesn't. Show the haters how you glass and put your perfect smile in. I'm ride or die, show me the body,

mommy we'll chop it up together, dip that shit in acid, watch it decay in a row with weather. Why did it churned up the evidence? We better, we're clever, bye bye barista bitch Cool, girls keep secrets forever FYI, he's Cherokee I'm not native at all

So I have a funny question You got any cum in those balls? How come you don't fuck your friends? Well listen to Gloria, it's the Bombie I'm Ken Manzardania, I'm the Polani Ababa I know you love me I know you love me. I know you want me. He wants to lick, get up on this ass.

Put it in your mouth and lick it like glass. I know you love me. I know you want me. He wants to lick, get up on this ass. Put it in your mouth and lick it like glass Can you follow my key? Dirty bitch! Pick your passenger!

Feel like I'm going to die What gets rid of heartburn? Fuck what you heard I'm about to have that orgasmic birth Regroup your manner Bro, Zilla might go get in there first Fuck my stoma? Don't freak no chomos or chomas

Though I'm blowing Cincinnati hearts at every goddamn place that'll go. I'm not a hoe, but I'll claim. You better follow that pro. I'm gonna make you want a shadow. Fucks my pussy. Two big day songs by Toto. We're out here smokin' and drinkin' and rockin' Adidas and peepin' on that ultra humongous

penis. Quarantin' and we're latchkeyin', we beef squeafin' and queen bein'. And I'm seein' them jeans seemin' like they be low and loose. Leanin' they'll see Zendi, see Sc see screaming, cause I hydrate like a piss deep All you up in doing their thing and stuff like that Did I stun her? If you're a bully, thief, a criminal, a god for a cutter We curing headaches with mustard for what her girl got you covered

This is the Cool Girls Club within the house of your mother I saw her momma's last night, just a visitor As Cheryl jumped over the kitchen counter at me Flying like a Hussain Bolt in a fighting suit. I don't know why the bitches always be jealous of me. So I actually run to the phone like the bitch-made cunt always does. And I said, you better call up her law in Sequoia County this time, bitch. Because you're gonna need help prosing my fingers from around your fucking dick-sucking throat.

So I ended up resting in jail. But I'm out this morning, Cheryl, and I can still see that's right, you did swell a shit bitch. And I'm coming over here today, and I'm gonna do the two-step in the cowboy boogie till there's a mud hole in your fucking ass.