Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - America's Favorite Pig Rachel Feinstein | Your Mom's House Ep. 766

Episode Date: July 3, 2024

Check out Rachel Feinstein's new special "Big Guy" streaming now on Netflix! This week on Your Mom's House Podcast, we hit the ground running with a Fart Simpson banger about McDonalds, before Tom opens up the episode with a clip of a cool dudes really cool Sunday plans. Tom also tells Christina all about his insane trip to Abu Dhabi. Christina and Tom welcome comedian and vile pig Rachel Feinstein, on the pod. She talks her latest Netflix Special, "Big Guy", the godless things she does, her life married to a firefighter, and the benefits of being a comic parent. She, Tom, and Christina also chat about gassy husbands, their foul mouthed kids, spanking fetishes, Red Lobster head, succubus defense, and dive into a long curated gauntlet of Christina's TikToks! Try it out, man. https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Your Mom’s House Ep. 766 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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McDonald's, cheeseburgers. McDonald's, lay of fish. McDonald's, chicken nuggets. McDonald's, fries. Free McDonald's all the time. Free McDonald's all the time. Free McDonald's all Lay of Fish. McDonald's, Chicken Nuggets. McDonald's, Fries. Breathe McDonald's all the time. You gotta McDonald's, nigga! Burgers, Burgers, Burgers, Burgers, Burgers up with that? Why don't you pick your own pronoun? And the nuggets? I love the nuggets. Who's watching the biggest?

Many many many french fries. You got a McDonald's nigga? Burgers, burgers, burgers. Play-o-fish. Burgers, burgers, burgers. Play-o-fish. McDonald's. Still hardcore. If you're drunk, it's even better. How does 2.3 million dollars sound? Burgers, burgers, burgers. Play-o-fish. If you're drunk, it's even better. How does $2.3 million sound?

Burgers. Burgers. Burgers. Burgers. Filet-o-fish. Burgers. Burgers. Burgers.

Burgers. I like these fries. McDonald's. McDonald's. McDonald's. Filet-o-fish. Thanks. Thanks, McDonald's.

It's delicious. I can't remember the last time I had a filet-o-fish, but it's fantastic. Oh, fuck yeah. Amazing. Who made that? So me. Fart Simpson. Fart Simpson.

Legendary. Man, many, many French fries. Now, fuck yeah. Amazing. Who made that? That was so neat. Fart Simpson. Fart Simpson. Legendary. Man, many, many French fries. Now, two questions. Do they still have a Filet-O-Fish? Cause I go there a lot. I don't know.

And we only get the French fries. I haven't heard anyone talk about a Filet-O-Fish in a while. And the McRib is a seasonal item and I haven't seen it. Seasonal and I don't know why they just didn't commit to making it a permanent item. McDonald's has such great McRibs. My father gets so excited for McRibs. So would I.

I think he had like eight a week when it was McRib time. That's so good. Such a great sandwich. It really is. But I feel like you can't call it a sandwich. I always feel like that's a misnomer, a sandwich. It's also probably not rib meat. Of course not.

Just stuff. It's compressed stuff with some killer sauce. You ever find stuff and put barbecue sauce on it? That's our sandwich this week. And the bread is so preserved. Why would they limit something so popular? I have no idea. Because the nuggets were originally a test market thing.

You know that? I did not. Yeah, so nuggets were like, just like, hey, we want to see if this works, you know, when they test something out. And global demand was so like insane for it that they made it a permanent thing. It worked.

But I would think that the McRib was the same kind of thing. I don't understand why it was limited. You know. We want answers, McDonald's. And I know they're not gonna reach out because we have our history with them, but. A very, very rich history with them. Yeah, but same thing as Morton's.

Oh, that was a disaster as well. That was really scary that time. And we got contacted by their CFO and was like, who the hell gave you guys this money? They were so mad. Well, it wasn't even as much as McDonald's gave us. McDonald's gave us 2.3 million. Morton's only gave us a couple thousand.

Yeah, and they were just like, paint the set. And we're like, okay. And they were real heated. But then McDonald's made it up to me, remember? And I got to do a McDonald's event. Sponsored you. Yeah, that's right. The only paid spot, well, maybe one or two that I've ever done, do a McDonald's event. Sponsored you. Yeah. The only paid spot, well maybe one or two

that I've ever done. One for McDonald's, because I felt so passionately about them as a company and I still do. Yeah. And still do. Do you know that there's a pickle on the McRib? That's the one little onions. And I feel like it adds just a little.

I remember a little onion, there's pickles on it? There's onions and just I think one or two pickles. God. I'm really into pickles now Really? I want them on everything. Yeah, dude. You're finally Eastern European. I mean, I've always I haven't say always as an adult I really grew into liking it. But now I'm like if you make a sandwich or a burger, there's no pickles I say I don't play with you anymore. Give me the beef. Yeah, what kind though? Do you like because I like the real sour sour. Yeah, I like them to have some flavor to them, yeah. The tiny gherkins, the corny shawns.

Corny shawns are good. Corny shawns when you're doing a charcuterie are necessary. I go through, I pound a jar of corny shawns a week. A week. Well, what's the brand? Are you a Vlasic? I don't even, I don't know brands. I'm not there. Oh wow.

Well, we'll look at you there. Give me some fucking pickles, man. You know what pickle really slaps? Yaheshua, your tribe, Israeli pickle. Oh. I ordered them on Amazon because I used to get them in the valley. I used to grow up to, I used to grow up to, I'm retarded.

I used to live next door to a Jewish mart or whatever, Israeli mart. And you buy live next door to a Jewish mart or whatever is really called. A mart. And you buy them in, it was a huge Jewish store. I don't know, it was on Newcastle and Ventura Boulevard. So many there, you know? So many Jews. Yeah.

Yeah, and they come in a tin and they look like little dicks, like little dog dicks, and they're so good and just sour. You get them on Amazon. Dog dicks are. They're sour. Have you tried a dog dick? Yeah, I've had them before, of course.

You're kidding. Of course I've had them. Remember dog dick afternoon. Do I remember? I remember pitching that to every network in Los Angeles. You know, now you've got the power to make dog dick after. Yeah, I think they would listen to the pitch more

instead of cutting me off right away, being like, get the fuck out of our office. Do you know that you really could pitch that now? Like people would probably take you very seriously if you went to Netflix. You're like, Ted, listen, I've got this idea. Yeah. Wait, what was the pitch?

I forget. I just like the title a lot. Dog take after name. I mean, it was that our host takes different dogs on walks and then jerks them off. Oh my God. And you get to see what it's like for each different type of dog.

Yeah, how they behave and whether they let it happen. That's a strange pitch. It's a strange pitch, it never went well. I don't know that my current status as a comedian would really change that. I think the pitch might go the same, maybe worse. Maybe worse. Well.

Well, let's get the show started. Yeah, I was just thinking about Dog Deck Afternoon. That's a pitch we created before we had kids, clearly. Okay, here we go. That was a dark one, yeah. Well, it's time to go to church the church Meet new people and then off to the Silver Fox

for booze partying dancing good music and the stripper That's a cool Sunday Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone's mother into this. Your mom in the fucking stand! That's a cool send-off. Welcome to your mom's house. That is a cool send-off. Church first. Church first. And...

Christina Pujitsyn. Christina Pujitsyn. Welcome to your mom's house. Ugh Ugh Mommy goes to church on Sunday night. Goes with strippers. It's time to go to church. That's cool. That is cool, but a lot of people are like that.

That's why they go to church so they can do awful stuff. Well, yeah. And they feel better about themselves. Yeah. That's why there's always these preachers that do awful stuff and they feel better about themselves. That's why there's always these preachers that hate gays and then they're blowing dudes and stuff. This is a little different though. This is like, I do the right thing. I go to church.

Good for my soul, but I have my vices. Most people don't make videos about it. No. That's what makes it cool. I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I would keep that a secret. I would keep it, especially strippers and stuff.

I would be ashamed of it. It's like going to Hooters. I don't think you wanna tell people you go, you just kinda go, right? Well, he's past the shame age, I think. He's just like, fuck it. It's not gonna be real different from here. Yeah, well, he bleaches his hair.

His hair looks really good. You gotta embrace who you are at a certain age. Oh, of course. I respect it. Of course. Honest guy. He's honest, he's a good guy. Yeah, I like him.

Yeah. I like him. Dog dick afternoon. I like a guy who tells it how it is. Tells it how it is. So you and I, uh-oh, sorry, I gotta take this Dog dick afternoon. Like a guy who tells it how it is. Tells it how it is. So you, you and I, uh oh, sorry I gotta take this, this is my kid. So you've had quite a whirlwind, as they say, like 36 hours.

Why don't you tell the audience what you've been up to? So I went to Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates, for their comedy festival. I think it's their first one. Yeah, they don't allow comedy in the Middle East, do they? They do. What they did was they did a week. They did one week, and they did about a show a night. Aziz did it, Schultz did it, Chappelle,

Mazjid Abani was there. Not a lot of women on that lineup. I don't think they're allowed to speak in public. No, they didn't want any broads there. But like, so they they had the week, I think, for the festival. OK, so it came in and they were, you know, it was like it was a good offer. And then I remember that it included my airfare and hotel, but not airfare for the rest of whoever you wanna bring.

So I was like, okay, I accepted it. And I thought I was in business on Etihad, which is a really nice airline, and business is like phenomenal. So I bought business class tickets for my whole crew to travel. Cause you know, you're like, this is a long flight. But they had actually got,

the festival got me a first class ticket. And if you look at first class on Etihad, it's fucking crazy. It is crazy. So we get on this I mean this it's like for a such a quick trip that flight is a huge chunk of what you're doing. You're just yeah Yeah, it's um, yeah the eighth you have that you see that second photo there. Yeah. Yeah So like that's like the it's like a little apartment. That was like my first apartment in San Francisco

It's like a little apartment. That was like my first apartment in San Francisco. Where the guy's sitting, if he reaches down to the right there, that's a refrigerator that's stocked. It has like drinks. There's a vanity cabinet there, there's storage. And then the beige part you see in the bottom there, they press a button and that turns into a bed

and then they come and do it. And does a lady come and Yeah, yeah, but touch your stuff. They also provide You know crazy menu. I mean there's a chef on board. What? Yeah. Yeah. What did you eat? Oh my god. So and then So i'm i'm i'm up there. So It's what's funny is at the end. It's a double decker it's an A380. So we're up top, and as I'm going to the bathroom the first time, I look down the stairs, and all these like, pores are like, boarding, and they look up and they're like,

they're like, look. And then we all just look down and we were like, ugh. So I go to the bathroom and the bathroom is huge, right? And they'd given us this like leather attache that had Armani pajamas, slippers, a little pouch that had like skincare products, you know, sleep mask, all kinds of stuff. So you're like, holy cow.

So I change right away because I've done these international flights and I know that the pajamas are the move. You want to get- If you can do it. Get out of your clothes and get into pajamas. Absolutely. You can even, you just change in the bathroom.

Yeah, right away. I've done it. Before we even, like, well, the bathroom. Yeah, right away. I've done it. Before we even, like, well, we're still boarding the flight. You just change right away. They have a closet, so I put my stuff in a closet there. Jesus. Yeah. And then sit down and I'm waiting,

and then I see Chris Tucker board, right? Cause, oh yeah, he's another one who's on the festival. He had the, in that first class, there's another thing called the residence. So if you put in Etihad first class, the residence, yeah. So it has a bedroom in it. What? And so I walked over to his and I go, what the fuck?

And he goes, I paid more, man. Wow. I paid more, man! I paid more! So he had a full fucking, he had the same setup as we do, private bathroom, private shower, private bedroom. Shower, I was gonna ask you about the toilet. I feel like you deserved your own toilet. Well, there's two huge ones up there for the,

I think there's only 10 people in the first class. And there's two full bathrooms in there. So we're on the flight and as the lady is doing, what would you like to drink? Have you thought about what you want to eat? She says, can I book you a shower? What? While you're on here?

And I go, no, I'm good. And then I kind of stop and I go. How? I go, should I? And she goes, have you ever showered on a plane before? And I go, no. She goes, maybe you should try the experience. And I go, oh, okay.

I go, yeah, I guess book me. So what we do is you book your slot and then you have half an hour dedicated for that bathroom. And so what I did was I booked it for closer to arrival. So I was like, I'll sleep, eat. So then by the... You take your shit and then you shower. I have to make sure I tell you about the shower in a little bit.

So I'm really tired. This is like three or four days where I know I'm not getting enough sleep like at home I'm going to things then I have to get on a flight to go to New York so that I'm not as my insurance for this Flight and I get to I arrive late. I get up early. I just I know I'm dragging and The more exhausted I am the more I'm gonna fall into like a super deep slumber and I know I'm gonna snore in any time. So this plane has a lounge between first and business class where it's around leather seats with a table and then the attendants will serve you there.

So at one point... It's wild. I can't even imagine how many can they, sorry Dana, but how many units can they have like this? It takes up a ton of space. Well, so there's 11, I think, first class seats. There's 70 business class seats, 70. That's full beds too. And then downstairs, there's 405 seats.

What? Yeah. That's basic and basic plus, yeah. So there's a lounge, sorry. So you guys meet in the lounge. Oh yeah, you see that circular. Yes. I've never even seen anything like this in my life. So I get up and I can tell, I've fallen,

I knew I was sleeping real crazy, okay? Like I wake up and I've been asleep for three hours, but I feel I'm like, I get up, I'm like, I can feel it in my throat and my head that it was like, it wasn't nice sleep, it was exhaustion sleep. Yeah. You know, and I kind of gather myself. I walk over to that lounge and my friends are there. They're like, hey, you're sleeping.

I go, yeah. And the flight attendant goes, she goes, I think they heard you in the back of the plane. And I was like, what? I was like, I didn't snore. And she goes, so I must have ripped so hard that everybody in that section was like you ruined first class.

Yeah, I ruined it. Chris Tucker's not covered, you know, Chris Tucker's sweet. I had this. I was just like, oh, what's up, guys? Friday, August 9th. I will be in Ottawa Saturday, August 10th in Halifax, Friday August 23rd in Spokane, Washington, and Saturday August 24th in Calgary for two shows on that night. Jessica Curzon and Bobby Lee will be coming with me. Woo! Tickets and all info are at tomscigara.com

slash tour. What's up guys? The store is full of some hot new fresh products. Go to store.ymhstudios.com to see what we've got. This episode is brought to you by PC Optimum. If you like a curated playlist why not try a curated grocery list? With swap and save the new feature in the PC Optimum app you'll get PC Optimum's best price for your grocery items. Simply add products to your shopping list in the app and it'll show you similar items at a lower cost. Add coffee to your list, then swap it for one that's cheaper. Craving chips? The app will suggest some on sale. To get started, just open the app. It's as easy as that. See the PC Optimum app for details. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with

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That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash ymx. Benefits vary by card, terms apply. You've been ruined in my life too. I mean, I've had to go sleep in the kids' room. I sleep with Julian, cause I'm just so miserable. They, you know, they brought us drinks. They brought us snacks.

I had lamb shank. Ugh, I hate lamb. It was amazing. You like lamb shank? It was amazing. It was amazing. It was very baby. A bur. It was very gamey. A burrata salad with fresh tomatoes.

That's from Italy. That's not Middle Eastern. Caviar. Oh. I had bordeaux, this great bordeaux. Oh my gosh. I had an omelet when it was breakfast. It was all incredible.

It was really incredible. The service was like impeccable. Everything was just amazing. And we get there, we get off in this airport, it's also like state of the art incredible. Yeah, there was hardly any people there. We were like, what is happening? No, it's just time of year.

It's the fact that we're getting in summer now. So in summer, people start leaving the desert. You know? So, and then if you go next month, it'll be even less people. So then we go hotel, relax. You know, it's kind of an acclimate day because it's, we arrive at 11.30 in the morning.

Everybody's kind of dragging. Don't do much. And then, you know, we have a meal, whatever. The next day at 9.45 they pick us up and they take us to Yas Marina Circuit, which is the F1 track in Abu Dhabi. That's where they do the F1 there. And I was like, oh, we're gonna drive,

first they told us we're gonna drive sports cars, like exotic cars, I was like, oh great, so fun, I'd love to do this. And then we get there and they're like, oh no, we pulled out Formula 3 cars for you. So that's like basically a dialed down F1 car, right? So like F1 is like the top top. Formula 3 is the same kind of structure of the car,

less power obviously, but the same type of experience. It was so much fun, so we all, and they were like, okay, here's the tutorial. Here's how you start the car, here's how you do it. Obviously, it's a single seater. So, you know, just don't try to push your limits. And yeah, you know, if you feel scared, just slow down. Everybody's like, okay.

They're like, yeah, so. They don't care. No, they were just like, don't, you know, don't crash. That would really suck if you crash. These are expensive and that would suck. Anyway, any questions? Everybody was like, no, yeah. So we were like, it knows, you know.

That's wild. Like it was really, really so much fun. Did you lay down? Like do you lean back kind of the way you do? Yeah, you know? That's wild. Like it was really, really so much fun. Did you lay down? Like do you lean back kind of the way you're Yeah, you kind of lean back and your legs are straightforward. Yeah, so. How fast did you go?

I got that thing up to, the fastest I hit in that was 206 kilometers. So I think that's around 130 miles an hour. Not that crazy, but for your first time out in something like that, it was very, very fun. It's crazy how much money they have. They have so much money. In Babu Dabulina.

Now, I was there so fast. So that was, that day that I'm in the race car is the same day of my show. So we do that, then we went to the mall to walk around. The malls are rad there. Yeah, it was an incredible mall, actually. We didn't have time to do more excursions, because our show was also early.

And then we went to the airport and flew back. Right after, you went, no, your airplane took off at three in the morning from bubble bubble bubble. Yeah, but the show was at six. Crazy. We are done at, I don't know, eight something. We go to the hotel, which is right there. We changed.

I took a shower, changed clothes, and then we went to the airport. That's amazing. You basically spend like 12 hours. And I was like, yeah. So like if I were to do that again, I would wanna do more days just so that I can see Dubai, just so I can do a desert excursion

But I mean the people there were so nice Royals came to my show also shake I was so intimidated. I've never yeah, what do you how do you meet a how do you meet? Oh, she's a shake right? That's what they call them. The men are I think shake I don't think of the females are they want to present you with a plaque The men are, I think, shake. I don't think the females are. They want to present you with a plaque for performing here. And I said, okay, you ready to do it? And I go, yeah.

So we walked down the hallway. This is like in the back tunnels. And they have that, you know, they had like the backdrop that you do photos in front of. And so it was like, oh, here's this person, that person. You hold the plaque, photo. And then I was like, okay. And then I do see like a few women in the traditional,

I don't know what it's called. Hizhab. Hizhab. But it's very colorful. Like they're not like, you see all the whole time we're there, women were always in black and the men were the white ones. And these women had like a pink one, a purple one. I was like, but I just kind of,

I just noticed it from over there, because there's a bunch of people over here. And this guy comes up and he goes, some of the royal family would like to meet you. And I go, okay. And by the way, one of our restrictions was you're not allowed to talk about the royal families on stage.

So you can't talk about the royals and you can't talk about religion. And I was like, okay. Like that was fine. But then they're like, they'd like to meet you. And I was like, okay, like that was fine. But then they're like, they'd like to meet you. And I was like, I don't know, you just, kind of go, oh, okay, like am I in trouble? You know?

And there were three young women, beautiful women. And I was just like, I go, hello. And you could tell that I was nervous. I was like, I was just like, I go, hello. And you could tell that I was nervous. I was just like, I go, I'm sorry for anything that I said that wasn't nice. And they're like, no, we love and blah. And so we took photos. Normally you take photos like this.

I kept my hands right here. And I just went like. And then they walked away and I was like, who was it? And they're like, those are some of the King's daughters. I was like, oh my God? And they're like, those are some of the king's daughters. I was like, oh my God. Yeah, it was so intimidating. Is there any protocol when you meet them? No one gave me anything.

So I just did, I'll just be extra polite. Were you allowed to shake hands or is rude in there? We didn't shake hands. Yeah, you just say hello. Yeah, I just was like, hello. Yeah, of course. I don't think you're allowed to. I have enjoyed your country very much.

Thank you for letting me stay here. Yeah, yeah, you probably can't touch them. That's really cool. Very cool. Yeah, you came home, you were wrecked. Fuck man. That was a crazy trip for you, mommy. Yeah, that family, the family that runs shit there

has, they're worth like $350 billion. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. The amount of wealth. It's really extraordinary. It is extraordinary. And they're building that. Apparently the-

Right, aren't they doing that? And that's in Saudi. That's Saudi, yeah. Not UAE. The Lion City, yeah, that's Saudi. Wow. They have a, I guess the palace, we didn't see it, is the palace is supposed to be bigger than the Pentagon.

Wow. Huge. I know. We didn't see it is the palace is supposed to be bigger than the Pentagon Wow Huge Yeah, I can't imagine what their day-to-day life is like no, it's really I can't either. It's so crazy. It's so opulent That's their palace, but even the malls are like ridiculously nice when you go shopping like the UAE. You need like an aerial shot, right? Like... It's gorgeous. Holy shit.

A lot of scratch. That's really crazy. Yeah, very pretty. They are nice people and the food's delish. Very tasty. Wow. Well, I'm glad you... That was a quick trip to Abu Dhabi.

Yeah, it was cool. It was cool to see that part of the world and learn a little bit about, I guess it's six families that are the Emirates, you know? That each have like ruling areas. Oh, that's cool, I didn't realize that. I know when I was there, they have pictures of the guys. Yeah, they have pictures of them.

In the hotels and you're like, who's that guy? You're like, he runs this place. Yeah, those are the Royals. And it's like, just so you know. Did you get to watch their TV? That's my favorite one and go to foreign countries. Oh, I liked why, I remember liking their soap operas. I have no idea what's happening.

And in Korea too, I liked watching their TV. They did have a huge Ikea. Well, that's important. And most importantly, did you visit McDonald's while you were there? Did not. No. There was a Texas Roadhouse in the mall too.

We were all very excited about that. I hope you ate there every day. There was a Texas Roadhouse here? Texas Roadhouse. Yeah. Oh my goodness. It was very exciting. It's cool.

The mall was such a flex too. Like we were just killing an hour and the Apple store had 50 foot windows, 50 feet high. You know what I mean? Like from floor to ceiling just glass and you're like Jesus, like everything was oh my god, like level. Did the bidets, you used the old school bidet, they do old school, they don't do washlet. I did, yeah. You wash out the cacao when you're done. Yeah, I liked that.

That's what I liked about the Middle East is there's bidets everywhere. It's hot too. Hot. Hot water, yeah. Hot water. That's how you wash cacao off. Yeah, you can't do it cold.

Kid me. That was very impressive. Very exciting, Tommy. Yeah, it was great. And you got to shower on an airplane, which I can't even fathom how they carry the water, the weight of water on a plane. Also, yeah.

It's a crazy town. It's a lot. The shower, I mean, it was a remarkable experience. Cause I was laughing because I was like, you're on an airliner. You're like, I'm taking a shower right now. It's surreal. It's not even possible.

Yeah. A huge, How are you doing this? Huge, amazing props to Etihad for just that experience. It's an even possible. Yeah a huge. How are you doing this huge amazing? Like props to at the odd for just that experience an amazing experience. Yeah, yeah, that's awesome. Yeah All right, let's see here you as a nigga and what you didn't know I am a sad nigga Make sense, right? Oh He's's got a, he's Christian. Oh, that's cool.

He's got a cross around his neck. It says cool sand guy. That's the name of this fulver. Yeah. Okay. He works as a cashier at Taco Bell. Oh, I love Taco Bell. And he's in Minnesota and he posts reels on Instagram.

Shout out to Cameron. Thanks for that, sir. Yeah, that was really nice. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah. Hey, I have a dental update I've been dying to share with you guys. It's been a minute. Yeah. Play the music. OK. OK. Are you ready? It's been a minute. Yeah, play the music. Okay. Okay. Are you ready?

Yeah, of course. Everybody's on. Yeah, tender hooks, I know. So listen, dude, I'm gonna be honest with you. I've been eating a lot of sour belts in the last six months. I was not six months with my cleaning. I let it lapse.

Cause I just had a root canal and I was over it. I don't want to go to the dentist for a minute. So I go to our dentist. I get a cleaning and the same woman who does me does you. So I asked her, I was like, hey, just let me know who's got cleaner teeth. Who does a better job of flossing and brushing? My husband or me? And she goes, actually, your husband is like really good.

He's really, really good. And I go, oh, bullshit. You're just saying that to be nice. Give me, I want scores, like A plus A. And she's like, nope, he's an A. And I'm like, what about me? Am I an A plus? And she's like, well, I say you're an A, except, are you ready for this?

I'm so upset. You have three cavities. ["The Last Post"] I'm so disappointed in myself as a person. It does feel like a personal failure. I'm so fucking mad, but she said it was because I have old fillings. These are like old ass Russian fillings

that my doctor in LA did when I was like, you know what I mean, 20 and broke. And they do it for fucking cash money and there's no air conditioning in Santa Monica. That's how I had these done. And so she had to replace them. But here's the good news is she's like, do you wanna do nitrous oxide?

And I'd never done it before. Yeah, you texted me. Because I'm always so, I'm such a tough guy. I'm like, this is full of pussies. Why do I need any kind of nothing? I can handle it. And then I says to myself, I said, self, why not enjoy the nitrous?

Give yourself a fucking break. When are you gonna start enjoying your life, Pajitski? You're almost 50. Relax. Get high. Try it. So I got fucking, I got super weird on this nitrous and I had so many downloads.

Like no one tells you this, but you really get some important information when you're on nitrous. So if you're at the dentist and you're getting your fillings done, get the nitrous, but bring a pen and a paper because you're gonna have all kinds of realizations and stuff It was pretty deep bro is good. That's awesome But yeah, I'm definitely I'm gonna get high every time now You should always do there's no reason or just even take a Xanax before you have these things done to you

Yeah, it's just like why suffer I've been suffering Did you know that any that you can make yourself comfortable while you do awful things? Like you can be nice to yourself You can? Like in when you do what? Like when you get fillings you can get the nitrous instead of being a tough guy and like white knuckling stuff Yeah, but like are you gonna feel good about yourself? That's that's my problem. Yeah. Yeah, you're gonna what flog yourself for having done it? Yes, why would you do that? That's my problem too. You're gonna what? Flog yourself for having done it? Yes.

Why would you do that? It's just like you could have manned up, you know? Do you need that? Do you need the nitrous? What? Really? It's not as cool of an experience. It's way cooler if you have nitrous. I know, but there's videos of Hungarians, if you Google it,

pulling out their teeth with pliers. Yeah, after they did vodka though. Right, you just drink some vodka and you pull your teeth out. That's the norm for me, so I was like. That's real man shit. Right. That's real man shit. I don't like that.

You know what I'm saying? It's gay and it's retarded. But I had a really good time. But the problem with the nitrous is, I mean, I don't know if you've done it in college where you used to get it and you put it in crackers. Did you do nitrous in college? I did a long time ago, yeah.

It kills so many brain cells. I was brain dead for like the next day or two, but well worth it, because I was high for like an hour and a half on that stuff. It was really cool. Anyway, I'm disappointed in myself. I feel like a fucking failure that I got three cavities. And, yeah, you know what I'm saying?

Like, well, can you give me some words of encouragement? You're not a failure. No, it just happened. You're not. Just help me out. This happens in life. You can also be somebody who has great dental care and you have enamel naturally strips away.

It kind of fades away with life and products you drink and eat. Everybody's teeth rot. Every single person's teeth. Everybody rots. Yeah. And also she told me, cause she's like, what kind of toothpaste are you using?

And I'm like, I like the peroxide, like strip it, like really burns. And she's like, you gotta stop doing that. Yeah, that's why I have that prescription one. Cause it strips, that shit strips it away. Yeah. She's like, you're stripping, you're like ripping, you're burning your enamel. Yeah, you are. your enamel feels good feels clean that's why I like it

by the way so I've been wanting to show you this so Pauly yeah Pauly sure was on first date yeah and he he's a big you you know what I meaner. No, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yes. So we have the super cut to him. Oh, fantastic. It's so great. So here we go. You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying? Right. You know what I mean?

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Yeah, you know what I mean? You know, you know, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? I do. You know what I'm saying? know, you know, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? We know you know what I'm saying Just like I do

Yeah, sweet Lauren Compton. Yeah. Yeah great. You know I'm saying, you know, I mean no the hell we don't You ain't say anything yet. Man. He really drops those a lot. I didn't realize it You know what I mean? It's interesting. We don't really have white people in the you know, I mean crowd. know what I mean, man? And it's interesting, we don't really have white people. In the you know what I mean crowd. Yeah. But he's a leader in that field, yeah. Cause you know what I'm saying was insane clown posse. They were the first white guys really to drop.

Well, I mean, other people say it. Yeah, no, no, other people say it, but I'm saying this is Elaine. This is the whole thing. It's like the beach LA vibe dude who's like, you know what I mean, man? Like that's him, it's different than, you know what I'm saying, you know what I mean man like that's him. It's different than you know, I'm saying, you know

I mean, it's just it's a different right. Yeah speaking Cali vibes. It's Cali. You know what I mean? Hey, I've got this great email I got its email that came in for you. Okay. Hey Hitler's I'm a 27 year old dude, and I've been eating boogers my whole life fuck If a bathroom or napkins are around I'll use those instead but in private and without those options I just put them in my mouth. Oh It's quick convenient mess free and it really doesn't taste bad Quick, convenient, mess-free, and it really doesn't taste bad. Do you want to know what it tastes like, Tom? No.

It kind of tastes like those tiny crumbs at the end of a bag of chips. He's not wrong. Now that I think about it, when I used to eat my boogers as a kid, that's... Shut up. That's the... It can be crunchy at the end. All right, we gotta take a break and... I'm well-groomed. And would consider myself an honest seven out of 10 on a good day.

Nobody would look at me and assume I eat boogers and I don't think it's a self-soothing thing. It's just something I do. P.S. the best tasting ones are the ones that are solid at the bottom and slide out of your nostril in one long blob. The ones you can kind of feel behind your eyes when they come out.

Thanks. I'm gonna throw up. We're gonna go take a dump. We'll be back in a little bit to talk about it. We're back and you can see her new special, Big Guy, it's on Netflix. Give it up for Rachel Feinside, everybody. Rachel!

Thanks, you guys. Thank you, thanks for coming. Thanks for having me. You're so funny, I'm so impressed. You know what I've really been getting into is your Uber rides. Were you over share. I'm so impressed. You know what I've really been getting into is your Uber rides where you overshare. I did a lot of that this weekend. So funny.

We were in Charlotte with my husband. I just kept making him tape me doing that. And he's like, sometimes I feel a little uncomfortable during these. And I'm like, yeah, you're supposed to. Everyone does. You overshare in front of the driver or to the driver? I get into an Uber and I just tell them,

I just worked through my childhood trauma. It's so good. It is nothing, like it is nothing infuriates my husband more than when I do it. He's holding the camera just, I can feel his love for me fading as I'm doing this, but it's just, it makes me laugh so much. But I'll just be like,

I guess I've never felt seen by my father. You know? And sometimes they answer like a little bit. They do. And I've done some role play with them, too. I'll be like, can you play my dad in the situation which was really crucial where I really needed him? This is got to be this is the new place to go is like

people aren't doing enough on social media. You know, it makes me so fun. By the way, there's a real supply and demand issue for my Uber over sharing. Like the boobs are pretty, they speak for themselves, but I can't stop doing it. I do it with Jessica sometimes and she really makes me laugh. We'll just go into businesses and like, we'll be like in a 7-Eleven like about to go on at the cellar

and she'll be like, I think like what was hard when my dad had his second marriage was that I just walked into the room and I was like, he's got this other family and they were kind of comfortable in a way that I could never feel with him. And it'll just be some guy selling her gum, just looking at her like, you dumb bitch. And it's so fun. Nothing makes me happier. I wish I lived in New York so I could hang out with you and Jessica Kirshon. You guys

make me laugh. Nobody makes me laugh as much. She's hilarious. She'll be like, whenever we talk to each other about being on the road forever, she'll be like, I can't do this anymore. I'm 70 years old. Like, we always get older every time we talk to each other. I'm like, I am in the winter of my life.

How long can I keep up this sham anymore? The way that she's like, oh, I'm like, yeah, I feel tired too. She's like, oh, do you want to die like I want to die? I guess. I like when she's like, I don't masturbate because I don't deserve pleasure. When she talks to the wall, nothing makes me laugh. That's my favorite. Get the fuck out.

Yeah, you're so great because you have great impressions. You can do your you do your mother. You do. Oh, and your husband's like a firefighter. Like he's a normal person, which is so endearing and so nice, because you have like a life, you know what I mean? And it's so important, I think, as a comic, to have a life so that you can report to the audience. Yeah, he is like, and it's a whole world,

like the FDNY, like all of it. So he is an emotional desert, but. Are all of them? Of course, come on. Yes, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But he's entertaining. Yeah. And he and strangely enough, like he just gets this life and he doesn't give a shit because he likes his job.

So of all the guys I used to do this when I was like dating, I'd be like, I like have some list in my head. I'm like, I need a guy that's like a producer, but he can't do it. Just some dumb twat like grocery lists. Meanwhile, speaking of supply and demand, it's like there's not not everybody's like swimming around looking for a female comic. I should be happy with what I get. Like that's not the top of most men's lists.

But I'd be like, I want to go out there, but I can't do that. And then it just turned out to be a fireman in terms of my job, because I used to date guys that and like, you know, they think it was cute for a month and then they'd be like, this is infuriating and you're not available on Christmas. And he's not, you know, he's working on Christmas and they love their jobs. I didn't even think about that connection.

The, cause that's what we've all done is you give up this normal schedule. Like you just said, you don't do New Year's Eve with your family. You do travel over Thanksgiving. It's a lot of sacrifices to be made. You get so used to it though, too. Yeah.

After a while, you're like, yeah, of course I'm not going to be around. Yeah. Why would I be? Well, like, even saying, like, family of origin. Like, maybe, like, are you coming? I'm like, no, I'm working. No.

Yes, they do get used to it. Like, my parents. My mom is very, like, you know, liberal and just kind of, she just likes it all, you know. But they, his family, they are, they're definitely pretty, My mom is very liberal and she just likes it all. His family, they're pretty disgusted with me. A lot of them. Is he a New Yorker too?

He's a New Yorker. My mother-in-law, she is frantic often if I'm on the road for two days. By the way, he's at the firehouse half the week. I'm home much more than he is. But I go away for two days and she'll be like, what will he eat? Like, what will Peter have when he comes home? Like my mother thinks my husband is at home right now

just banging a sweet potato on his forehead. Like he's too dumb to feed himself. So she's pretty disgusting. She thinks I'm a godless whore. My mother-in-law is Colombian. Your mother-in-law is Colombian, okay. Yeah, and she, she like, for my daughter's birthday,

she just was cleaning the entire time, like during the birthday party. Yeah. And there was a comic over, this guy, James Jessica, and he just started asking her to clean certain things. He's like, just want to get behind the couch and just hit the corner there. Because whenever she's over, she's just sort of cleaning

and just muttering about what a deep pig I am. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm a pig. Yeah, I'm a pig, too. But I think most female comics are like you kind of have to be. I actually I was when I was editing the special, I was screaming, you pig, so much of myself. Because when I watch myself on stage, I'm like, for the love of God, shut up. Like, no one needs this really. So I just kept screaming, you pig, you're a little piglet, you know.

Yeah. And I was sitting with the editor and I he was like a lovely guy. Jason Katz, really sweet guy. And I call myself Pig so much I don't even realize how much I do it. And I was like making pig noises and stuff that at a certain point I thought like, Oh, I'll call the special vile pig because I call myself. That's so great. That's a great title. I do. But you mostly say deep pig, which I think is so funny. Even if called Pig or America's Favorite Pig, which I really think would be fun.

At least that's got to be a show, America's Favorite Pig. Just in next week on America's Favorite Pig, and it's just like me with a you do the math expression, just being caught mid-picking, just doing something foul. God, that's so true. I was listening to music this morning and the lyrics were so eloquent and not vulgar. And I was like, what's that like to not be vulgar, to be elegant, to be a lady? Like, it's just not for me in this lifetime, you know? And I've accepted that. And thank God, my husband's, I think, accepted it. I don't know. Are you okay? Yeah, yeah, I'm here.

No, it took me a while. I used to try to be a woman, or whatever cocktail of things that I believed men wanted on my list, and then you just give up, and you're like, oh, the jig is up. Everybody knows, you're a foul beast. Like we used to do boxing with, it was like Keith Robinson, me, like Marina Franklin, a bunch of comedians. And we would go to this boxing coach. I know I love Marina. She's

so funny. So we would go to this boxing coach together. And while we boxed, we would just say, you know, unspeakable things to each other. And Keith, whenever I was boxing, he would just sit there and insult me. He's like, you know what the thing is with Rachel? She's dumb. She's just plain dumb. Rachel runs, he would just like trash me. And so we would scream stuff. And then at a certain point, Keith would pretend to sort of jerk off and like hurl it over to me.

And I would kind of lap it up and be like, thanks, you know. I'm all better now. Thanks, I'll give some to the rest of the team. Yes. And then one time the boxing coach came in with his brother who was like from his country. I can't remember where he was from, Guyana or something. Anyway, the brother was like calmly observing the course.

Yeah. And you could tell like he was just watching me. Like he went home and like he hugged his wife a little tighter than that. Like he was like, I have a lady at home. Like I don't rub her knee enough. Like he watched me just like, and I totally forgot. I was like mid laughing, imagine it, hypothetical commas.

I was like, yeah, thanks, thanks for the last load. And he was just like, I could see him. Yeah, like I feel like I make couples closer together. That's what I feel like. It's beautiful. Yeah, you guys are donkeys, you know, female comics. Yeah, donkeys. Donkeys is a great thing.

That's mine. You're a pig and I'm a donkey. Why donkey? Donkey's a fun word. It's a fun word. I don't know. It's such a good word. It's just, you know, making noise. Well, you know, it's funny. So we had we had Duncan Trussell over this weekend with his lovely wife and children. And I was like, you know, it's so important to have comics, be your friends and have babies. Yes. You know what I mean?

Because like I was like Duncan was you guys were so fun with the kids yesterday. And I'm like, that's so that's such a good influence to have comics around your kids. I still feel like that even when I became a mom, I was like, you know, I realized first of all, that this bond my brothers had had when they were, they'd become parents, and I had no idea that I was like outside of this thing. But I really feel like I really need to be around comic moms and comic parents because I just say stuff

that people would find is just jarring. And it's very satisfying to just be around other comic parents because I just say stuff that people would find is just jarring. And it's very satisfying to just be around other comic parents and have our kids play. And it's such a delightful feeling when that actually can happen. Yes. Literally, our sons were sliding. I constructed a white trash water slide in our backyard.

I just bought a big ass tarp on Amazon. And we put it on the hill and we baby oiled it and put the hose and just invited the trestles over like, hey kids. It was awesome. That's an awesome idea. Oh my God. How did you think to do that? I saw it on TikTok.

All her ideas are from TikTok. Everything in the world is from TikTok. I had a question in the lobby about something and they were like, no, that's whatever it's telling. Oh, that's right. That's true. Yeah. I was like, how did she know that guy?

And they're like, no, it's TikTok. That's great that you came up with that. It was fun and Duncan did it. And Duncan was like, oh, that's whatever's telling, oh, that's right, that's true, yeah. I'm always like, how did she know that guy? And they're like, no, it's TikTok, yeah. That's great that you came up with that. It was fun and Duncan did it, and we all did it. And I was like, oh, it's just so liberating, like you said, to be able to say things,

and to be able to discipline your children, like you're gonna die, stop doing that, this will make dying happen. This will make dying happen, it's a perfect thing to say. No one flinches. Nobody's like, oh my God. Boys especially don't fucking think about it. Oh my God.

Yeah, and I went to Frankie's school to do open centers that are preschool. It's torture, isn't it? The boys were just, yeah, yeah. They can also tell him, I'm such a mess when I go there. I always leave a passport and a fucking USB cord or something, and they're always like, what? I'm always, they can just, again, they can tell.

Like you're kind of gross. But I was in our school and the boys just kept slamming into us. Like the girls were playing these lovely creative games in the kitchen and the boys were just slamming. I was like, is this the whole game? We just slam and that's a wrap? They're violent by nature.

It's fascinating to me. They just hit each other with foam tubes. that's a wrap. They're so violent. They're violent by nature. Yeah. It's fascinating to me. They just hit each other with foam tubes. That's the fun. That's all it is. And putting holes in our walls. Now, do you like wrestling? Cause like, I'm not a wrestler. I have to wrestle the boys.

Cause they demand it. They call it torture time. They go, it's torture time. They call it torture time. Torture time, yeah. That's very funny that they call it torture time. And then they're just like, we're gonna fuck you up. You know, yeah.

And they jump on me, like knees, elbows. And they start to like, they get close to breaking, you know, fingers and things. And then as soon as I grab them and like pin them down, they're like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, easy, easy, easy. You almost broke my fucking finger, man. Yeah. Oh yeah. Are they funny?

Are they okay? Yeah. They're both very funny. Yeah, who was it? Johnny Pemberton left our house the other night I broke my fucking finger, man. Are they funny? Are they okay? Are they both very funny? They're very funny. Yeah, who was it? Johnny Pemberton left our house the other night and Ellis goes, rest in peace. He says rest in peace. That's really, I'm, she's at four.

So she's just starting to say funny shit. It's very satisfying. I can't wait for like, does he have regular bits? Like, no, they have bits, but like, you know, they love their iPad. Like any kid that has access to an iPad. So, but we regulate it, you know? And so he had told her and she was like, that's it You know, you're done for the day and he's like come on I can hear him in the other room. Come on

And she's like no he walks he goes. Hey dad. He goes you talk to your woman Yeah, and I was like, well, I just talked to your woman tell her to give me a few more minutes I was like nobody Woman that is fucking hilarious. He said, can you talk to your woman? Now when he says something like that, can you ask him where the origin? You do, but you never get really. They don't know. They don't know. They just pick up stuff and yeah.

Yeah, it's very interesting with Frankie now. She also says a lot of things. She reveals already just my bad habits. She says whenever I'm in a relationship with a now, she also says a lot of things. She reveals like already like just my bad habits. You know, like she says whenever I give people an out cause I just over apologize and I'm like a people pleaser. And now she goes around and whenever she talks to her friends, like when I went visited school,

she's like, do you want to come to my birthday party or no? And I'm like, oh, she always offers them or no. She'd be like, oh, she offers them time or no. But the absolute opposite thing I want to infuse in like a little girl. And she's like, or just, you know, block me, whatever. If you don't think I'm cool, I understand.

Yeah, I got it. I'm like, oh, I got to work harder on that. But yeah, she definitely reveals my like nonsense already. Like I definitely like see, I'm like, ugh, I just see my own like foul impulses. Oh, of course. I mean, our five year old drops F bombs and I'm like, uh, it's definitely our fault.

Like, just terrible. At least we teach them how to have fun. I do feel like that's a very, very crucial skill. Learning to have fun, yes. Yeah, and the other day she didn't wanna, she doesn't wanna brush her hair and she doesn't wanna walk to school lately. So that's kind of like, it's a tough 20 minutes.

And I told her, look, you can go to school, you can hate it, you can do all these different things during the day, they're gonna infuriate you. I was just like, I told her, just make fun of it in your head. Oh, that's a good one. I was like, or just be silly with it. Like just like joke around about it, you know? That's really good.

That's a good one. And she said to herself, and it was like the first time I was like, okay, I'm doing something. Yeah. Yeah. And she's like, you know what? I'm just the first time I was like, okay, I'm doing something. Yeah. Yeah, and she's like, you know what? I'm just gonna be funny about it. I'll just make fun of it like in my head. Like I heard kind of say the phrase I used.

It was very satisfying. That's very cute. Yeah, the one thing I like to do is like when they're like school sucks and I'm like, you're right, it does, it sucks. Like instead of our parents being like, no, it doesn't. You're like, yeah, it does, but just do it anyway being like, no, it doesn't. You're like, I feel like, yeah, it does. But just do it anyway.

Like, yeah, it's like, but that's a lot. Apropos what you're saying of like, yeah, just tell the truth to them. Just do it. And then let's make it not so terrible. That's a huge lesson. Gosh. I feel like I like I just learned how to do that. Like a decade. I think that way that you talk like I've heard you talk about how you talk to your kids like normally and don't bullshit them. Right. Right. Right. I do really want to do that because I watch

some of these parenting things like on Instagram and they don't fucking work. Like long-winded paragraphs like yeah. One of the tips I saw on Instagram was like oh if you're if your kid is throwing a wild tantrum you just want to tell her you really wish and like mirror back what she wants. So I tried that with Frankie to tell her you really wish and like mirror back what she wants. So I tried that with Frankie. I was like, you really wish you could go. And she's just like, yes, bitch. Like that's what I want and you have it.

It's actually rude. Like she's just like, yeah, yeah, I do. And can I, it made it 10 times worse. All those long winded, like it's just complete horse shit. Right? It is because they're not processing what you're saying cause their brain is in a storm. You literally just have to wait. Yeah. And it is because they're not processing what you're saying, because their brain is in a storm. You literally just have to wait.

And then be like, all right, what's up? We're not gonna do it. Fucking moron. Yeah, crying, you pussy. You fucking moron. You're like, dude, come on, man, you can't say that. Fucking nervous bitch. You call Tommy a nervous bitch. You called Tom a nervous bitch.

He called me a nervous bitch. Nervous bitch is so funny though. It's hard to not appreciate the writing immediately. No, I grabbed my mouth. I was like, I didn't want to laugh too hard because I knew he would lock it in. I was like, oh, that's a good one. So I just was like, that's not a nice way to talk.

He's like, fucking shit head. Five years old. Well the problem, so the dichotomy of this kid is that he's like the sweetest. Yeah, he is. Mommy, I love you. I just want to snuggle and I love you fucking bitch. I'll fucking kill you.

The next minute he's, you know, he's that guy. Yeah. And I'm like, is this a borderline? Like what is he? Is he okay? Is he gonna be okay? He's fine. He's a sensitive, sweet kid.

That's Frankie, absolutely the same. I think it's pretty common because they don't have as much gray area or language for it, but she's the same. Any frustration, he just vocalizes and he doesn't regulate his way through a frustration. He's frustrated and right away he's like, the fuck is this?

And you're like, okay. It's okay. The fuck is this? This is crazy. Yeah. Is a kid with a middle-aged burden He's like the fuck is this you're like Is a kid with like a middle-aged burden makes Boy have four years of this relax Yeah, Frankie definitely has that attitude with me sometimes like she's like I can't deal with another god damn I'm like you felt with shit, please She also kind of works me like she comes into my room in the middle of the night.

Every night she comes in and let her in the bed. It's like this weird thing. Of course. Switch beds, do you guys see this? It's like a lot of, and I can, her bed, or he, no. And no one's, yeah, there's no, it's just, she knows she's coming and she cries all the way down the hallway right before she stops.

Cause she's just like, she's like, ah, ah, ah, and then she comes in. She's like cocky at that point. And then she kind of like works me and she's getting in the bed. She'll be like, oh, she's like, uh huh, uh huh. And then she comes in, she's like cocky at that point. And then she kind of like works me, and she's getting in the bed. She'll be like, oh that's cute. I'm like, it's like a black scrunchie on my wrist. Like don't try to, but she tries to kind of

compliment her weight and she gets on. Yeah, she'll be like, where'd you get that? I'm like, you don't know what stores are which. Like yeah. See that's what a- They're master manipulators, they learn. And especially girls, because they can get into's what I'm. They're master manipulators, they learn. And especially girls, because they can get into your soul immediately.

Like, they're very clever, because we don't have the power of physicality the way boys do. And I see it, like, in our nieces and people, like, they just dial in and they get inside. But the boys are not that clever. They just, like, they'll elbow your tit or they'll punch you.

They'll use brute force more, which yeah, I can kind of control more. But that element of a girl would make me nuts. It's not easy. She's very emotionally manipulated, my daughter already. Yeah, they're so smart. We had the, cause Duncan was there. So we got to do like, he'll just, you know,

with another comic, they just pick up the bit right away. You don't have to explain it. So I was saying stuff to both of my boys, and I was like, hey, and they weren't responding. So I was like, oh, okay, so we're gonna do the, we're gonna get you that cochlear implant. And they were like, what? And then Duncan, he'd be like, oh yeah,

it's in your brain, it's like brain surgery. And this way, like, it just never leaves, and you can hear everything. And they're like, what are you talking about? And I was like, well, we can set you guys to all go together. You have the surgery at the same time. And they're like, we don't want brain surgery. And I was like, but this way you'll hear.

And they're like, my hearing's excellent. I go, oh, it doesn't feel like it is because I keep talking to you and you're not responding. He goes, I'm ignoring you. And I go, oh, you're ignoring me. Oh, okay. Well, do you want the surgery? He's like, no, I don't want surgery.

I'm like, okay, well then respond to me when I talk to you. Those kinds of skits with comics are my favorite thing in the whole world. Yeah, it's really fun. Keith used to do a thing where he would call somebody and then you ask them a bunch of questions about like a big night in their life. Like, he'd call like Billy Bart, like,

Billy would be like, so how was that? The garden, like that's gotta be crazy feeling, right? You know, and then he waits for the comic to start talking about it and get comfortable. You know, like, you know, it was like, if a room like that and then they just all hang up. It just, just, just such deep dicks. And I always fall for it.

Like I always start opening up my body language and Keith will call me. It'll be like, he'll have three people on the phone, like him and dumb DeRosa will be on the phone or something. And he'll call me and I'll be like, so having an hour on Netflix, like that's, is that like, do you think it's like a game changer or something? And I'm like, well, it's a night, I'm getting wet

and then they're already gone. And I'm just there with my dumb fucking, I'm like, as a woman, you know, I'm like my influences, I guess the Marx brothers. I'm always in the middle of the dumbest sentences. So they're just, they're gone. And you know, they're so happy. They're so happy.

Yeah. We got her to be sincere. Yeah. It's so funny though. Have you seen this guy by the way, who's that red lobster? No, these two. He goes to red lobster? No, these two.

He goes to red lobster. Aww. And he just gets head of red lobster. Isn't that cool? It was like a box. Oh my, oh my. Stars. Isn't that cool? Why the red lobster?

His expression is ludicrous. Sneaking into the mall. Wait, is he giving? Yeah, that's not the time to give a middle finger. Yeah. It's the time for gratefulness. Grateful. Yeah. Aw, what a prince. He's just flexing on all of us, letting us know, you know. Yeah, he is. He's time for gratefulness. Grateful. Yeah. Aw, what a prince. He's just like, he's just flecked on all of us,

letting us know, you know. Yeah, he is. He's getting some, yeah. That's really cool. Thanks, Tom. Thanks, that was a really cool subject change. From our children to a guy getting public glow jobs or red lobster in the mall.

Perfect. Where did your brain go, dude? I just thought, I was just so excited to show it. God. Oh my God. All right, here's the thing. Look how moist- Are you getting attacked by incubus and succubus spirits

in the night? Sure am. They're demonic spirits that come to defile you in the night. It's true. How do you get rid of them? Break agreement with them. Put up a hedge of protection around your bedroom.

Get out your anointing oil and anoint your bed and say, in the name of Jesus I command there will be no demonic visitation, no unclean call of evil spirits and I bind every incubus and succubus demon from attacking me my spouse in the night. Friends speak out scriptures of peace say I'm gonna lie down and my sleep is gonna be sweet. Bind the demonic realm, wake up refreshed and renewed. So this woman does all these for anything, for any ailment. She's terrific.

If you have gum pain, I banish gum pain from your life. Jesus, take away your knee pain, take away your rheumatoid arthritis. She does a different one every day. Yeah. She is tremendous. That is marvelous. These kind of women I do love. Like, I'm kind of halfway in. Like, I'll get a reading. I kind of love all of it. I had a friend that used to always be like, you're in the middle of a miracle, you know, and then I'd catch her saying it to other people. Yeah know where he kind of believes they're in the middle of, it kind of worked for me.

So we started doing a drunk thing where we just go to party, you're in the middle of, you don't see it. Everybody else is the prices. You don't see it, you're in the middle of a miracle right now. Just the guy that just goes from one person to the next. But I kind of like this. Like I'm kind of, I like, I like this kind of insanity. I do.

It's like what people like tarot card readers or palm readers. I'll pay for that stuff too. Even though I kind of know it's complete horseshit. Do you go to anything like that ever? No, I don't. But I enjoy it when it happens. I've done it before.

I've done it a couple of times. I like it. Do you believe it? If this person was, the thing is you go into it as like, this is some bullshit. And then as soon as they say something that you wanna hear, you're like, this is pretty cool. I know. Yeah, that's true. It takes one compliment for me to be like. Exactly.

She's like you're gonna get a lot of phone calls. I'm like mmm. I'm such a fucking dumb bitch. That's all it takes for me. Of course. I like her reading. I had a friend that's anything. Yeah. I had a reading with my friend and she, I just burped, and she does some sort of like wanding over the body and she does like a clearing. And Pete came back from the firehouse and I was just like laying on the couch and he was just like, oh, for Christ's sake. Like he got angry at both of us.

He's like, not now, it's fucking ridiculous. Like he was so disgusted. She did a clearing and then she kind of stopped over, not now. It's fucking ridiculous. Like he was so disgusted. She did a clearing and then she kind of stopped over my vag area. And then she was like, oh, it's a little clogged here. And I was like clogged. It's such a disgusting word. I was like, oh, wow. Why? And she said that in a past life, um, when I was a surf that I was. Yeah, but she cleared it right out for me. Oh, good. Oh, good. All I had to do was spend like 60, but she cleared it right out for me. Oh good. Oh good.

All I had to do was spend like 60 bucks. And then it cleared out. Oh thank God. Would you be into like a group activity like this? It's primal play. Four. Now tap into the abduction out of seven. Ah they're all gonna linger around. They're gonna stay in there. And they're gonna be like, let it go, let it go. You're not letting go enough, you know? You gotta really roar if you're gonna be here.

And I also think I'm very in touch with my rage. This would make me angry. Like why? You know what I mean? Like don't force me to get in touch with my rage. I'm there, dude. It's always there. You don't need to put me in a fucking room full of idiots. Yeah.

Do you have any background information about this? Yeah, this is, what is it? It's a tantric teacher who wrote the book Beyond the Cuddle, Beyond the Cuddle Party. Disgusting. One on one sex and relationship codes. Is it a man? Well, Monique Darling and Thomas Daly the second.

Monique is the tantric teacher. Thomas Daly, or Major Tom, he is one on one sex and relationship coach. He is also a facilitator who helps lead in retreats. Facilitator's disgusting, how dare he? That's such a gross word, a facilitator. He's one of the leading voices in group primal play. No!

How many are there? Six. Yeah. I also hate the word tantric, I think that's disgusting Especially when it gets to play with majors Play party that's gross too that way play is disgusting I hate it a cat up play I also feel like those men like that either they just either just like wild and this is obviously I must be with this man Particularly either they're just like wild

Or they're just as gay as the day is long Yeah, they're worse nightmare would be to be inside a woman any man was like planned cuddling. Oh, don't want to be what was that word with cuddling what did they say cuddle what did he say something cuddle therapy what is it big oh cuddle party especially disgusting and I feel like it's worth looping beyond the cuddle party beyond the cuddle like that is not as I don't feel like that's a collection of words that a straight guy or you get a guy there who's like they're like that's a collection of words that a straight guy reaches for. Or you get a guy there who's like, he's like beyond, so he's like, oh, do I get to hit them?

This thing's pretty cool. I had a friend that did that. He was really into spanking and he would go to like conferences to spank and just they lay across your lap, these girls, and he would just, just go right to town on them. And I like, when I was was living with this guy years ago, I had a friend come over

and she taught me how to look at a man's internet history. This was like, I was in my 20s. I was like, here's what you do. She's very organized. She was like, I used to spy on a man. She went and she explained it to me and I looked through my boyfriend's internet history. That's what we called it at the time.

And it was like all spanking, spanking, spanking, right? And I was like, oh, no shit, he's never spanked me. So I just kept like, whenever we were hanging out, like just leaning over and making jokes about it, but I couldn't tell him how I knew. I'm like, oh, you wanna punish me? You think it's my fucking naughty little idea to be a woman? And like, he was like, no, not at all.

Not my thing. He wasn't into it. He was like, no, not into it. Not, it's not my, and I just kept just re-looping around it. And I'm just like, come on, what? It's not also of all the compulsions. It's weird to travel to Spank, but that's another. But just to, that's like pretty normal.

And then I found out years later that it was my friend who had been spending the night at our apartment and just Googling like spank porn. So it wasn't your boyfriend at all? It wasn't my boyfriend. And he was probably like, what the fuck? So you're like, why do you feel so much shame about this? Just let it go.

And I just kept like putting my dumb butt in his face. Like, come on, just get it over with. You know, like, and he was just like, yeah. I don't wanna. And I didn't realize till like years after we broke up, my friend was like, I have something to tell you. And that was me all along. And I was like, also how badly do you want to spank

that you go over to your friend's house and crash on her couch a lot? And just, yeah, and just you need to see a woman be brutalized that bad. Yeah, where is he jerking off in your house? I believe he was jerking off at our home, Christie. Yeah, like where, on your couch? When he was crashing?

I guess, because it was all of his. That's the most disturbing part of the story. It is the most disturbing part. I jerked off on our home, Christy. Yeah, like where? On your couch? When he was crashing? I guess, because it was all of his. That's the most disturbing part of the story. It is the most disturbing part. I jerked off on a friend's couch before. Really? Yeah. Isn't that dicey territory? It kind of was, because I was staying at their place.

It was a couple. And I would stay in the living room. Oh, Jesus. And I would watch porn on the television. Oh my God. And then one time she definitely was like coming out of the bedroom and I was like, oh shit. And I could hear porn on the television. Oh my God. And then one time she definitely was like coming out of the bedroom and I was like, oh shit. And I could hear her stop like, oh God,

she must be like mortified right now. Wait, you were watching porn on the television? That's just insane, that's reckless as shit. And I was using the keyboard to like, pull it up and everything, you know? And what was your thought process that they wouldn't come out, like you were just kind of banking them? It was just too late in that, yeah.

And when they did, were you like mortified? He never did. Any discussion? She did, no, she did and I was like, I think I brought up to him and he was like, oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. Brought it up is great. How did that conversation go?

She wasn't thrilled or whatever. Yeah. I don't know how much longer you can stay here. Brought it up as great. How do you two men bring up that conversation as the dumbest, like that's the dumbest thing. It was dumb and dumber for sure. I was like, hey, did you say anything?

Oh yeah, not happy. All right, man. Yeah. I wasn't jerking anything. He's like, I don't jerking it. He's like, I don't know. I think she thought you were. Could you imagine a woman doing that?

I would never pull up on somebody's living room television. I will say, whenever you find out about anything a guy does, and I'm always like, oh, like I'm like, oh, sometimes I'm a little more lenient with certain things. But then if you imagine a woman doing any of it, it's completely insane. It's so weird. Crazy. Yeah. Like a woman doing any of it, it's completely insane. It's so weird. Crazy. Yeah, like a woman just blasting herself. In the middle.

To me, the blasting, but the putting the pornography on the family television is really amazing to me. No, I mean, it wasn't well thought out for sure. No, no. I mean, just even the visual of like on a train, like I've had just so many guys just beat off on the train to the point that I barely blink at it now.

But just even imagining just one time, just some broad pulling her dumb pants and underwear down and just thinking of yourself and glaring, it's ludicrous. Like if you tell any of these stories, it's so true. It's so true. The woman, it's insane.

That's totally. That means she's so mentally gone. Well yeah, cause also even you describing that, it's you as a guy go, this is a crazy bitch. You're not like, this is sexy. No. Yeah. Yeah.

I should be institutionalized. Just eyeing, looking at you, ha. It's so strange. Right, you would assume she's homeless and deranged. Well that's who does that. Yeah. A mentally ill, like high, one. Yes, homeless at best.

Like that's a gray guarded situation. Yeah. It is not just like some sexual insane shit. It's also like, yeah, you're, yeah, you're so much crazier than the guy. So much crazier. I'm not saying the guy beating off a train. You see guys just sitting there, beating off? Just sitting? One time I saw a guy take his guy beating off a train. You see guys just sitting there beating off, just sitting?

One time I saw a guy take his stick out on the train. It was like two in the morning. I was exhausted. I was just exhausted by it, you know? But there was a few other people on the train and he took his stick off and just started. Yeah, you see a lot. I said to him loudly, I was like, stop doing that.

Or like, that's gross or whatever. And other people on the train just kind of looked over, didn't care. Then he gets off, I get off after him because it's my stop. And everybody looked at me like this was this weird sexual game the two of us play every night. That looks like I wanted it.

And I'm following him. But I've had that happen a couple of times. I've had that happen where it's my stop. I've had a guy glaring at me once, kind of like drunken glaring, trying to sort of swipe at me, and then he gets off of my stop. See, in LA, it's cars.

So when we were in LA, the guy would jerk off in his car. But the subway, it's like, you're right there. That person's right in front of you. Yeah. I mean, you can get, the trains are kind of long, so you can kind of get, you know, ice scooted away, but it's not good.

I've seen it on buses a lot too, and like in Hungary and Budapest, there's a guy jerking off there, and then one time in LA. He's still there. He's still there. He's still jerking off. He's still doing it, yeah.

And then in LA, the buses, there's always some guy jerking off on the bus. Like what the fuck, dude? Even if you think of like, you know like a comic that'll like, you'll hear about a comic just like hitting on grossly young girls or whatever. If you even one time, like what if I came here today and there was just like some kid

with like a trapper keeper with me or something. Just some like fucking guy named Jeremy with like a shoulder bag, like some, even a 20 year old. Or like Tanner. That's so alarming. A 20 year old boy. Yeah, alarming. A 20 year old boy. Yeah, I had a 20 year old boy with me when I came today. That would be, everyone would know immediately,

like I was insane. Yeah, you have real problems. So weird. Like deeply deranged. Like throbbing with mental illness. Yeah, to the point where we'd probably be like, you know, we should probably reschedule this for another time.

Yeah, I would think so. Yeah, yeah. Any language, this is funny, and this is why I wanted to show you this. Yeah. That's fun though. I can't find a cap. Wait, is anybody, can I ask the dumbest question? I'm always the last at the party with these kinds of things.

I never know what's going on. And they're really farting. Yeah, I think it's really farting. It's really of things. I never know what's going on. And they're really farting. Yeah, I think it's really farting. It's really farting. I think it's the bald guy. Yeah, the bald guy I think is farting, yeah. Like, ripping big beefy farts, yeah. And his coworkers are dying.

Holy shit. Yeah. But it just, it translates everywhere. Yeah, that was serious beef. Yeah, that was a meaty fart, yeah. Oh, fuck. He had beer, probably brats. Yeah.

So many bad decisions. So many bad food decisions. What was he holding that he... I don't know. Let's see it again. This is the least important part of this video. It's a counter air phone. I mean, fuck.

He's delighted immediately. Yeah, yeah, he's like. Do you think he was holding it for them? Yeah. Every morning he comes home, this is how we wake up. He's so happy. He's so happy that like he got them. Yeah, I'm happy that he got them.

Yeah, it's fun. People fart and then just be like, and say like a phrase that makes no sense. Just the most rancid fart. And you're like, that was because of before. Every morning he'll do that. Yeah. It's like, so you still want to do that? And should we have all, like,

do you think it should be like a large party or just the four of us? And it's like, ah, that'll like gun me. Fucking, I think you and I are married to the same dude. Yeah. We're both married to dudes. I like to do the leg pump.

So I lay on my back and I take my leg and I go like this. That's so awful. Kick one straight up and do it. She's like, please don't leg pump. Wait, I can't even picture what you're talking about. Like a bicycle on your back. Yeah, almost like a bike. He kicks his leg.

I go, like I feel like I'll do it feel like I'm stretching it out and then I go, and then she's like, please don't do the leg extension. I don't like the leg kicks. No, he beefs every morning. It's 6 a.m., he wakes us up. It's not every morning. The kids are in the bed and everybody's like, ugh. Did you start out with all that

or did you come in pretty early with all of it? No, Rachel, one month into dating, we're sitting on my couch and he puts my hand in his crotch and farts and he's in boxer shorts and that was that. That was it. Was that before or after you said I love you? Oh, I was after, yeah.

Had to have been. He had me. Yeah, what about you? It wasn't one month. It was like three months. Yeah, maybe a few more months He was pretty foul very soon He just never cared like he was never trying to court me never trying to get me same Yeah, pretty much like when we go back to the beginning of a relationship and I'm like when I was doing this

Are you thinking that like he's not thinking anything and he could give a fuck? You know what I mean? Like I think he thought I was a good hang but there was no second thing running in his head. You know, like he's never thinking. Yeah. Yeah. And that's how that's how it is. Not as many thoughts going on. No, no.

He's just like, you know, like the first time we we hung out or the second or third time we hung out. Like he showed up a half an hour late, you know, like 30 minutes late, you know, and didn't really think he had to say much about it. You know? Oh yeah, Tom's not that bad, no, no. Tom would never do that, shit, no.

My favorite though, that she, cause we are, me men and women are obviously like, so different with this, but she's like, oh, I hung out with one of my friends and she's like, oh, how's his wife? And I'm like, I don't know. She's like, you's his wife? And I'm like, I don't know. She's like, you didn't ask? And I'm like, no.

That's fascinating to me. And I came home the other day from the road. He was with another fireman that he's very close with that lives in our neighborhood. They'd been together probably all day doing God knows what. I can't imagine how dumb their conversations were with these two fucking men sitting at my fucking table. Like just hours of talking.

Yeah, I talked to him for one minute. I was like, we should have your wife over for dinner. You know, they live right near us in Queens. He goes, oh, we got divorced. Asked Pete about it later. Never told him, never mentioned it. By the way, Pete was standing in the kitchen and didn't say anything.

I go, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. Like, like come over for dinner. Like I was, how are you feeling about it? He's like, oh, doing too well, actually. You know, I was like, I'm just sorry, I didn't know. Like, come over for dinner. Like, how are you feeling about it? He's like, I'm not doing too well actually, you know. I was like, I'm just starting to go to therapy, just kind of let go of some of the feelings I had. Pete was bored, by the way, at that point.

He just zooms out the back door. And I was like, did you ever follow up with him? Did you ever like check in? And he's like, nah, probably should though, huh? But like, won't do it. Won't do it. Yeah, like he doesn't know how to soothe my husband. Anything could happen in my life

and he doesn't know what his line is supposed to do to be. I just had to tell him earlier. I was like, I got these cavities. I feel really bad about myself. And he's like, yeah. I'm like, well, tell me, like, help me. That's exactly what it had to do with my husband my whole life. Like I've had to put his hand where it should go.

I'm like, your hand should be on my lower back right now. Like I am puking. Right. Yeah. I had a miscarriage and he got me a donut. Right. A donut. Right. Well I get it. A donking donut. I get it. I get it. No Tom barbecued when I had a miscarriage. I was like could you sit down with me? Why? Okay. Yeah. You barbecued. Yeah. When I was going in to give birth, I was like, you're gonna have to try to soothe, yeah. But barbecuing after miscarriages. No, during. He was barbecuing.

During the carriage, mid-carriage? Yeah, I was on the toilet and you're barbecuing. I was like, you're in the bathroom, I wanna leave you in privacy. Yeah, no, no, no. And then when I was delivering the first kid, he was eating a breakfast burrito. They're so good. In the delivery room.

From Fanny's in Redondo Beach. Please tell me that you did it. The restaurant is not helpful to the story at all. You're like, oh, but I'll put it in perspective for you. It's so good. He really thinks about this burrito a lot. Like that's what he remembers about that day. Because he uses the burrito. You did that to be funny, right?

No, no. Rachel. Don't think that Koreans would have the best breakfast burrito, but they really do. I went to Korea, they do have very good breakfast burritos. They have really good breakfast burritos, yeah. Yeah, I'm in labor and he's eating, I'm like, put the fuck a burrito down. I was so mad at him.

So that was in no way you weren't trying to make her laugh to bring a breakfast burrito to a delivery room? You pig. Yeah. You pig. As I'm in labor. He was hungry. You know why, Rachel? He needs breakfast. Like he wakes up so hungry

and I went into labor at like two in the morning. Yeah, I was like, dude, you're fucking my clock up here. Yeah. So he was really, really hungry. I get that, right? So yeah, he left, got his burrito, came back, ate the burrito and I'm in labor. Well, to be fair, I ate half the burrito

because somebody was fucking bitching about it. I didn't finish the burrito and I'm in labor. Well, to be fair, I ate half the burrito because somebody was fucking bitching about it. I didn't finish the burrito. Yeah, some rag was on your case. Jesus Christ. I was like, I guess I'll eat this later. Anyway, you want to give her a taste of what you got? Oh, you ready for my talks? Yes.

Okay, here we go. All right, these are my curations. Here we go. I heard you bitches were looking for me. Oh yeah! Curator, curator. These are Christina's curations. Here we go. I heard you bitches was looking for me. Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!

These are Christina's curations. Yeah, the outliers. You might feel different feelings throughout, and that's normal. Okay. Yeah, they're meant to be different. Oh, these are Disney adults. This is the first time she's seeing the princess castle.

Yeah, she's not 11. I don't know if she is down. She looks a little. She's not, she doesn't have downs. She's seeing the castle. She's seeing the castle for the first time. She got really emotional. That's apparently a thing now,

is adults seeing the Disney. We went to Disney. Did you break down crying? I did. It brought up a lot of stuff for me. Yeah, that's also, I think, an enormous red flag. If I were with a woman and she was like, there's the fire. I'd be like.

Well, I mean, she's dumb. I mean, she's just as dumb as the day is long. Dumb as rocks, for sure. Fucking box of sand. You're walking around with. Idiot. Good evening to that. Yeah, you're walking around with, idiot. Good evening to TikTok. Happy Taco Tuesday.

Alright. Hope you had your tacos today. We did. No tacos for me. Oh. So, uh, hey, hope you had a super day at work, school, play, whatever you did. Thank you. Hope you were awesome.

Well, it's time you got here to do some cardio. I'm gonna try to do that two and a half miles, I do, 30, 45 minutes. Okay. I'm just gonna hit the trail. I'm gonna walk to here and do some cardio. I'm gonna try to do that two and a half miles I do. 30, 45 minutes, I'm gonna stay at the trail. I'm gonna walk to the school back. Okay, I'll go to the school and back. That's a lot of information. Hey, have a great evening, stay positive, smile, make sure you're awesome, whatever you do. Just have a great evening this evening.

He doesn't know when to end it. Tell him to love, I know. I'm not sure how to sign off. I hope you have a super day. Can I keep having a good day? You just don't know what to say. Oh, wait a minute. Here's the deal. I've been tracking his progress.

He's actually lost quite a bit of weight. He started posting his cardio, his weightlifting. It's leg day. It's back day. And he works out in his garage and he tells you, you hope you have a good day. So he's doing really well, but I don't know, is he under the impression that these are private videos?

So that's one of my favorite lanes of social media is the person who posts a video and you're like, I think this was supposed to be sent to somebody and they just upload it. They just, they're like, yeah, how are you doing? And you're like, who? I was just supposed to be gonna get it. Cause he's like, I love you. One for one person. And they're like, okay are you doing? And you're like, who? Yeah, I was just supposed to be like, because he's like, I love you. One for one person.

And they're like, OK, have a great day. Are you talking to all of us, or is this just for Sharon? He does look better. He's looking good. Have a great evening this evening is the dumbest collage. How can you be finished with that? You're not finished with that video. Something in him was like, all set, got what I needed here.

No more takes. You realize when you watch things like this, you're like, oh, a savvy broadcasting personnel is a skill. Because this is like most people. Most people are like, I'm going to walk, and they're like, hope you have a good day, and I'll go to the school and back.

You're like, what the fuck are you saying right now? Like just. Yeah, like if I made that, like, I mean, yeah, that's not, yeah, you're not finished. But you're just like, I'll say here, get it out. And then, love you. Love you. Who is that?

Who? That is so true, Tom, because like radio people and morning talk show people. You think you can do it, right? It's all nothing. They talk about nothing for an hour. But like the skill, it's a real skill because most people who listen go,

I could do that, are actually this guy. And you go, no, you can't do that. Yeah, this is a disaster. Yeah, great evening. Take care. Sign up. Love you, honey, bye bye. Love you, honey.

It's for one person. This whole fucking video is for one person. Love you honey. And he uploaded it. You could survive the LA County Jail. You could survive any fucking prison in the United States. Do you agree with that? Fuck yeah.

Fuck yeah, bro. It's, there's, yeah bro, it's dark, the dungeon. Now sure, I have heard this before from other people that have been in county jail. Especially Twin Towers, he's talking about downtown. That's right. Twin Towers. This is a notorious LA. Really?

Oh, LA County Jail. It's really grimy. Downtown, it's called Twin Towers. You pass it on the 110 and there's little slots. You can sometimes see people standing in there. It's completely overrun. So they had to, like the gym is now all bunks. It's just like, it's jam packed and it is really, really rough.

Like what happens? People get killed there and stuff? Yeah, there's fights. So I had a friend who one time got a DUI. He's a Mexican dude and he had made the silly choice to not just get tattoos, but to get like kind of gang style tattoos, even though he was not a gang member.

So I was so done, because he just was like, these are cool. Just like a typical dude is like, these are cool. So he gets them, he gets a DUI, he gets taken to Twin Towers downtown. They immediately are like, all right, are you, what set are you in? And instead of like explaining himself, he's like, I'm Soreño.

So then they throw him in with hardcore gang bangers. And he's supposed to, he's thinking he's getting to get drunk tank like thrown out two weeks. He has two weeks. Oh my God. Every time he tries to talk to a CEO, they're like, shut the fuck up. And he's just like, and he goes the first day,

the first. He's just asking for help. He's like, I'm feeling a little bit. I don't think I'm supposed to be here. The first day he's there, he's in the gym because there's no room in cells. He gets walked to a bunk and another inmate punches a female guard in the face.

So there's a full riot. So he's there for a riot, like locked down, face on the floor, just that absolutely, he didn't shit for the full two weeks. He said, not one shit in two weeks. What do you mean the problem with this? So there's a toilet in the middle of the room of all the inmates, from what I've heard.

Well, he was in the bathroom. He was in the bathroom. But he said, you know, there's no privacy. So when you sit down, you can see out. And anytime somebody would walk in, he would just pull his pants up because he was so scared. I don't know.

So then he goes. That's awful. Then they transferred him. They transferred him from downtown to there's a county jail in the valley that they call the Hyatt because it's supposed to be how much nicer. It's like, you're going to the Hyatt.

That's so funny that it's called the Hyatt. I wonder if there's like a mid-range one, like the Howard Johnson's. He said they were just like, he's like, It's called the Hyatt is terrific. He's like, we're playing cards. He's like, I take a huge shit. Like everything's soup. And then they're like, they're like, are you getting, they're like, what are you doing here? You should have gotten out two weeks ago. He's like, yeah, I know. But you guys just kind of kept me in.

So, but he said it was the most terrifying. And he was probably never the same. No, I think he was definitely traumatized by that. He's unwell forever kind of. Forever, yeah. The Hyatt is terrific. Yeah, let's go to the Hyatt. Well, my friend got a DUI and got put in LA County

for like a night or two. And he said that he couldn't take a shit because they put like, you know, a bunch of guys in a cell and there's a toilet in the cell. And Nick, you're just terrified. Who's gonna take a shit? That in itself is just insanity. Like in this day and age, at the Hyatt, they gotta have some doors around their shitter. The Hyatt's way better.

Please. Hyatt's better. Yeah, at the very least, like there should be, even if you, I don't care what you've done to someone, you deserve just four small, you deserve some kind of barrier between you and where you're shitting. Yeah, something. Yeah, that's private time. Can you answer these hard Disney trivia questions?

Part 35. After winning tons of Disney trivia, I'm here to share my knowledge every day. Here's the question and comment with your answer. What is the name of the family dog in Honey, Shrunk the Kids? If you're confident with your answer hit that like button after commenting. I'll like all of the right answers, share this with a friend to challenge them and follow for more Disney trivia. That's a grown man. Imagine if that was the best thing that was gonna happen in your day and you said I'll like all of your answers like I wrote it and he liked it

just take your own life like that's what he's like and I got the like and I did it like somebody's gifted by that that's Keith's fucking whole life right there Disney trivia right on the inside looking out a little shout out to dangerous beauty and gizmo for the suggestion on the Snow White Dopey. So stay tuned. It's pretty tight, right? For Goofy and Jack and Charlie. He made that in jail.

Yeah, so this is, so I found this account where this guy is making art in prison and selling it on The Talk. And so Dopey, I don't know if you know this, but amongst the Latino gangbangers, there's a lot of Dopeys. Do you know that by the way? What's up Dopey, yeah.

There's a lot of Dopey. Hey Joker, Dopey, What's up dopey, yeah. There's a lot of dopey. Hey Joker, dopey, sleepy, you know what I'm saying dog? Sleepy, dopey, so this one's really popular. I thought I was really, I mean shit, to pull that off in prison, I don't know how he's doing it. Yeah, he's a savvy guy. Yeah, I've seen a lot of very good prison art work. Yeah.

Hold on, watch this one, you're gonna shit. Watch this, this is terrible. A guy in a plaid shirt and white helmet realized a second after takeoff from a 4,000 foot mountaintop and he was not attached to the hang glider. The pilot apparently forgot to hook him up. The tourist from Florida hangs onto the bar with one hand and the pilot with his other hand.

The pilot does his best to steer with one arm while grasping onto his passenger with the other. I was just trying to stay calm, just trying to hold on for dear life. The danger was real. Imagine falling from this height. Yeah, he wouldn't have been okay. And I thought to myself, this is it, I'm gonna fall to my death.

I'm a goner. Both men are struggling. The tourist, Chris Gursky, goes from cl cleaning to the pilot around his shoulders to barely hanging on. Oh my god. I didn't have much grip left to me at all. My hand was opening. I was slipping. I hit his pan. I'm sweating. That was about it. After two minutes and 14 seconds, they got close enough to earth that Gurski let go. He hit the ground hard and broke his wrist. He also tore his bicep from holding on with such a tight all that time

And eternity when you think you're going to plummet to your death the auto parts manager is now back home near Tampa But he will never forget that terrifying ride. Yeah, of course not. What a dumb way to wrap up the story And he'll never forget the day. He almost died. I know And he'll never forget the day he almost died. I know That's why you write someone's yearbook Never forget, it's not the right collection of words about almost dying I mean, it's almost like he should have been like, and he'll probably forget the day that he almost did this I'll never forget is the laziest writing though So lazy

But it also seems like isn't to hold on to something like that, like that's like, that's almost impossible, right? Like you have to be extremely strong to do that. Yeah, I mean, his grip must have just, like you say, tore his bicep from the grip. But imagine the panic, the adrenaline. It's all adrenaline, right? Right away too, right away.

And you know, if you're the pilot, you're like, fuck, I didn't strap him in. Like he's in a different type of panic, you know? Cause he's thinking like, I just, I'm gonna be culpable in killing somebody right here. What happens to that other dude, I wonder. Yeah, like that's crazy. He gets back into like-

So it's his fault for not- Yeah, I mean like- Yeah, he should have strapped to him. Yeah, the pilot I'm sure is like, you know, here's where you, he just, he had a brain lapse and then all of a sudden he's like, oh yeah, this guy's definitely gonna fall. I'm like, do you even need a license to hang glide

or can any idiot just do it? I think you can probably just do it. This is why I don't do this shit. How to do anything like this. In other countries when they're like, or anywhere really, like hey, strap yourself to another dude. Fuck you. Have you guys ever done a skydive?

I have on road rules. I don't take very many physical risks, what? I did on a television show once, but it was a TV show so I oddly felt safe doing anything, even though I'm no. But I skydived once, but that was it. But tandem, so I was on somebody's back. Were you scared? I was shitting my brains out, yeah.

Was it, what do you feel like, was it satisfying? No, I hate it, and I hate that I did it, and I wish I didn't get pressured into doing it. I'll never do it again, stupid. I was just in Abu Dhabi, and we got to drive Formula 3 cars on the track. And it was very fun. And then one of my friends, Jeff Tate, was like,

he sits through the, they give you like a briefing before, and he's like, I'm not doing this. And we're like, no, he's like, zero desire. So we're like, okay. So the rest of us are doing it. And then I see him like putting on the helmet and everything, and we're like, what are you doing? One of the drivers is gonna take him

for a ride in a two seater. And so I'm standing back, I just, I see them pull away and I'm like, he wanted to do that? And they're like, I think so. I'm like, you think so? So I see the pro driver driving him. I mean, he's just like mobbing down this track and he gets back and I'm like, I was, how was it?

He goes, I hated it. That was the worst thing I've ever fucking, it was how was it? He goes I hated it That was the worst thing ever fucking horrible. Yeah, I hated it I'm an idiot. I also got a tattoo that I didn't want to get because of peer pressure on that same show on road rules They're like we're all getting tattoos. I'm like, this'll get one Says dumb pig Now it's a fucking dumb dragon. I'm having it lasered off as I knew I would when I turned 40. Like you keep saying that, but I don't think you're having a laser.

I did. I did it once already. But you got to go like nine. I don't want to go back. Yeah, it's so painful. It feels like hot bacon grease. Like somebody poured on you and not sucks. It sucks. Get the cover up.

Can't you take something? Can't you take like a, get drunk or can't you take like, I don't know what I'm saying. This is like the dumbest thing I'm saying, I'm like, you're not gonna add anything. Well, why can't they numb, I'm like numb. Yeah, there's gotta be a way around pain in this day and age. Like you shouldn't be in violent pain to have a tattoo removed.

Like you are though. You can like buy like a brand new face now. They should figure that shit out. Rachel, believe me, and until they've mastered that technology, I will just have a dumb gay dragon on my back, because I don't fucking care. Anyway. I gotta wrap.

You gotta take a shit. You can see Big Guy, Rachel's special out on Netflix. You also get tickets to see her at rachelfinestein.com. Rachel, thank you for coming today. Thank you Rachel. Thank you Rachel. Thank you for coming Say hi you were so beautiful good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe. Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe. I will love you like you've never been loved before. Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe. Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe. Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe.

Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe. Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe. Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe. Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe. Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe. Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe. Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe. Good morning, Julia. It's me sitting in my mind when you said to me you want to go back with your ex boyfriend. After you experienced me, you won't even know who your ex boyfriend is.

Please erase them from your memory. Don't ever go back in the past. I can see me falling in love with you. Let's go full throttle. Full throttle. Full, full, full throttle. I like that. I like that.

Full, full, full, full throttle. Good morning, Julia. I really like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that.

I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho Good morning Julia, meet Joe. Good morning Julia, meet Joe.

Good morning Julia, meet Joe. Good morning Julia, meet Joe. Ciao baby.