Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Andy Erikson-197-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: February 14, 2014

Andy Erikson AKA Ernie AKA "Can I get a ride?" is in the building (the Mommy Dome). A former police officer, Andy is no nonsense when it comes to enforcing rules and eating snacks. If you don't know why you suck stuff are you supposed to? Maybe you're a suck puppet. That's it. That's your role in life. Why do black people say hair-on instead of heroin? We go DEEP this episode. Both ladies have had multiple men pull pud in front of them and they happily ELABORATE. Is Which Is Mike Singletary back????? Pull your jeans up and find out! What gift will Andy bring Tom in Tacoma? Check back in a month to find out. 

What up baby jeans, put your denim on, high and tight right, like J. Lennon wanna, and this will be a one that you don't like brown talk, turn the sound off, like now dawg, reviewing rated, updated weekly, doesn't smell, doesn't burn, it's greasy, it's Christina P made mommy tea nuts, you need to wipe down to try and clean up, no I'm saying, like FIFO take a walk with me, this is your mom's house. Honestly, honestly. Those were some really good raps. Yep, this was tight, Garrett Plummer. Garrett's so talented. So many of you are, and by the way, you guys continue to send in your many different forms of music, and we continue to love it, so highly encourage you to continue to do that,

and you can always send in an email, your thought, your photo, your music, whatever you want to send, your farts, your mom's podcast at gmail.com, there's no house in the email, your mom's podcast at gmail.com. We are celebrating Valentine's Day, we're in Chicago, Illinois, and we're doing the Chicago Improv in Schomburg. And enjoying tons of Asiago chicken. Asiago chicken. Order it, order it with your Valentine, you're really going to like it. Yes, we've been told that the shows have been selling very well, so if you are in the area, please go ahead and get online to the Chicago Improv and get your tickets. We're doing two shows tonight, two tomorrow, and one on the Lord's most favorite day, Sunday. What else, Jeans, where are you going next week?

Okay, your denim, pull it up. After that, February 20th through 23rd, I met the Orlando Improv in Florida, and then February 27th through March 2nd, San Jose Improv. Sorry, I screwed that up, that's not right. I'm there that week, as usual, I know, I'm sorry. But I'm only there Friday and Saturday of that week, okay? So those shows are important. Saturday, I'm taping my one hour special. There's fancy cameras, there's going to be like official stuff.

Now you should make clear, this is not taping what's going to air, but this is like what you need people to come to, right? Yeah, I need you guys to come and support me. So come to either Saturday show, Saturday night, I would prefer the eight o'clock. I just like the early show, you know what I'm saying, it's more civilized. Okay. Come to the eight o'clock Saturday show. Okay, if you can, because I really, really, really love that. Okay.

March 6th or 9th, Denver Improv, Denver, Colorado. Yeah. And then jeans. Do you want to say the next few things that we have going on together? Why would you want me to do it? Because I mess it up all the time. Okay. I just trust you over.

All right. Yes. We go, we are going to do the podcast live in Brooklyn at the Bell House March 13th. We do the, we do a standup show March 14th in Brooklyn at the knitting factory. And we highly encourage you to get your tickets now online. There's a discount for the knitting factory. If you go to TomCigarette.com, you see the March 14th date on their live shows. You can get a discount March 15th live in Columbus, Ohio at Woodlands Tavern and March 20th live

podcast at Cobbs and San Francisco. If I can back it up a minute. I will be at Charlie Goodnights and Raleigh February 27th through March 1st, March 5th. I'm in, we're doing a one night in Port Angeles, Washington. I don't know if you've ever done this. I believe the show is almost sold out next door. Gastropub. And then I'm going with my good buddy, Andy Erickson to the Tacoma Comedy Club March 6th

through the 8th. Hi, Andy. Can I talk? Yes, you can talk. We're doing that together. Yeah. I'm so excited. Are you?

Yeah. You better show that type of enthusiasm. I will. I mean, I am enthusiastic 24 seven and I expect it to be reciprocated. I'm normally so good. So yeah, that's the deal, man. We got all these live dates coming up. Live shows, live podcasts.

Follow us Twitter, please at Christina P at Tom's Grud. And at Andy Erickson. Andy Erickson. Spell Erickson for them. E-R-I-K-S-O-N and Andy spelt like a boy. A-N-D-Y. Ernie Erickson. Ernie.

Is that your name? Ernie. Thank you for stopping by, Ernie. Thanks, Ernie. Yeah, follow us on Twitter because things change a lot of times and we usually go to Twitter before anything else happens. Yep. It's a really great way to stay in touch with your mommies like immediately.

There you go, man. And you guys know you've already responded in a big way and we're very happy to announce that the jeans unit shirt is on fire. So thank you. It's a limited edition. This is not going to be something that's, you know, restocked all the time. The nevergreen shirt, if you will. It's a seasonal item.

It's a seasonal item. So if you want that jeans unit. Jeans. How proud are you? So excited. Of that ju-ju-jeans unit sound bite that you just did. So excited. I love it.

Yeah, I love it too. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. It's at yourmomshousepodcast.com and yes, it's a very lovely shirt. So we have so much to get into. All right. Ernie's here. We're going to do our thing.

All right. Let's start the show. Yo. To be honest, Facebook people and all my Facebook friends, I just wanted to do a video to let everybody know that I don't know why I sucked dick and be like, to be honest, text me if you want your dick sucked. I don't know why I do that. It's just, I really don't know.

Like all my friends tell me to stop, but like whenever I try to stop, it's like I can't. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Don't burn me in the fucking stand. Welcome, welcome, welcome to yourmomshouse with Tom Segura and Christina Pajitzi. Christina Pajitzi. Welcome to yourmomshouse. Whoa.

Whoa. Ernie. Someone's drunk already. Ernie's here all over. Ernie, do you like how my husband plays the drums during that song? Come on, Ernie. Do you like it? Wait, I'm Ernie?

Yeah. I love it. Because Tom was like, Andy's coming over. Yeah. And then a few seconds later, I'm like, wait, who is it? Is Ernie coming? When's Ernie coming? Yeah.

You have to call her. So she mistakenly asked about Ernie a few times. So then I go, you got to call her Ernie when she gets it. I can't remember your name. Because Andy and Ernie. It made me laugh so hard. Because it's Andy Ernie, but the hybrid of Andy and Ernie is Ernie. Oh, God.

Yes. I have to get Ernie Ernie now on Twitter. So I can't have that handle. Please. Yeah, you should. Guys, let Ernie know how much you appreciate her on the show. Please on Twitter. Hey, Tom, that was a really neat clip you opened our show with.

Do you want to explain? You know, you can post your own video that you went out there to your... On the YouTubes? Well, she did it on the Facebooks. Oh, okay. She went and she posted a video of herself on the Facebooks and she had a message. Her message was, I don't know why I can't stop sucking dicks. And I also post whoever wants their dick sucked text me and I just can't stop.

Wow. Ernie, have you ever had that problem? No. Here's a clip of her. This is Ernie. I thought it was a guy. This is what... Yeah, it is.

What do you mean? You thought it was a guy? The video. No, no, no. It's a girl. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It sounds like a dude.

Really? It sounds like a lady, I thought. Oh. Facebook people and all my Facebook friends. Yeah, I hear a dude. What? I just wanted to do a video. Like a small boy.

Oh, God. That's what I thought I was going to say. Jesus. Like a 10-year-old. Oh, my God. So, if I suck dick and be like, to be honest, text me if you want just dick. So, I don't know why I do that. It's just...

I really don't know. Like all my friends tell me to stop, but like whenever I try to stop, it's like I can't. And I'm talking to everybody on Facebook and I'm just keeping it real. I'm talking to everybody on Facebook and they're calling me a fucking hoe, a threat and all. Every fucking name in the fucking book. Okay? So, if I suck dick, that's on me. Like y'all can't stop me.

Okay. But I understand that it's... I love standing up for you can't stop me. Right. Haters gonna hate. I gotta suck a dick. Yep. Can't stop me.

Yeah. Like if you do whatever... I do me. Fuck with my ass, man. All right. Here's more of the dick sucker. She's really like... It's more...

I think it's almost like she's asserting that like I'm in control of this. You know what I mean? This is my power. Right. Like when, you know, black people cross the street slowly. Okay. It's like I'm in charge. I'm not sure about that analogy.

Is that not make... Is that... It's about asserting their power. All right. We'll go back to the clip. Turnting my friends, my family and all that. I understand that. I feel y'all about that.

But that don't give y'all no right to comment on my shit and dog me out and shit. I think it does. Because I can comment on the shit but I don't because I don't let the shit bother me. It does though. It does a little now. So all y'all people that keep commenting on my shit and shit. Comments and stuff. Because I'm not fucking replying.

It's fucking old. It's petty shit. And if you want to fight me over that fucking shit, then it's up there. You know what I'm saying? Yes. I go to H&L. I live down below more about the fucking mall. You want to around and you can come get it behind the fucking mall.

And I'm not tagging nobody in here because there's really nobody that I know. Nobody hasn't been telling me anything lately. So it's nothing about that right now. But I just wanted to make a video and let y'all know that I try to stop and stuff like that but I can't. Okay? It's me. This is my nightmare.

This is my nightmare. You and I have a child one day. And we stumble across her Facebook video and it's, I'm gonna suck dick. If I want to suck a dick, you can't tell me. You're like, what are you doing? That's the worst thing ever. You're like, you failed. Yeah.

And that's, you are so foul. Oh my God, you guys are so disgusting. You're really gross. Oh my God. Here's just the end of it. Sure. Yeah. Just, if this is your daughter, we're real sorry for you.

I want to stop. I'm gonna do it by myself. And lately, I haven't been doing it that much. Yes, I do it. Sucking dick. Jesus. She's not talking about like going to the gym. I haven't done it.

Right. But I don't do it that much. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna keep it real. I'm gonna be honest. Okay. I did two people today. I'm keeping it real.

Oh my God. Why? I did two people and I'm done. I ain't doing it for another week or another month. I don't know when I'm gonna do it and when I'm gonna stop. I don't know. I'm 17 years old. I'm not fucking young.

And 10 more weeks, I'm turning 18. I'm not worried about this petty shit over fucking Facebook stupid shit. Just everybody just needs to leave me alone and let me do me and y'all do y'all. And that's all I gotta say. Thank you. Okay. That was nice. I like how she thanked you at the end of it.

Thanks for listening. And she was like, I'll do me and y'all do y'all. But she posted this on your page. Yes. Because she's like, she's saying I'll suck your dick. And I was like, hey, let me come over here and suck my dick. What? And then, no, she doesn't mind.

Oh, okay. Different area code. And then she was like, hey, you know, then she made that video. Ernie, that's not what happened. Oh my God, I believed you. You did? Oh my God. How could you think that?

Yeah, Ernie. No, this stuff just makes me really uncomfortable. What makes you uncomfortable? Sex chats? I can tell that with you. Sex stuff? She's watching the Ballerina show for God's sake. When we worked together the first time, I kept taking her phone and putting like eight

dicks in a girl's face or Hitler laughing at somebody, like all four of them on her phone. But Ernie, just know that that's normal. Yeah, I know. I know that this is your podcast and you can do whatever you want. And I just came here to maybe just learn or... Sure. You're here to learn?

What were you hoping to learn about? Yeah. Exactly. I have a list of questions. You do have questions? No, I just wrote on my phone, don't be annoying. Oh, Ernie, you're not annoying. You're not annoying.

We love you. So how did you feel when you worked with my husband? Is this the first time you worked with Ernie? Yes. And the first time... First I asked for my feature gift. When she was like, I'm featuring this week. I was like, cool.

Did you bring a feature gift? And she was like, what's that? And I was like, typically when somebody features for someone for the first time, they give them a gift, like a camera or an iPhone or something. Right. Yeah. And you kept showing me on your phone, oh, hey, look at this. And it was either going to be a weird wiener or a picture of a gift you wanted.

Yeah. I was like, good. This is an espresso maker. How much was it? Like $800. It's not that bad. No. This is what you'd make in a week and five weeks of stand-up.

It's like Japanese society honors and you give it a gift. Right. Right. And she was like, no one's ever asked for a feature gift. And I was like, welcome to the big leagues. And then... I was supposed to bring a podcast gift. Wow.

We're not... I mean, we already... I almost did too. Look, you know what? When we do Tacoma in March, you can just take the Minneapolis week, the podcast and that week and combine and make like a super gift. Yeah. There you go.

Now, how did you feel though? So you're getting to know my husband, I'm assuming, I'm kind of not sure what this guy's about. Is he normal? Is he going to assault me in the green? Yeah. Because he looks menacing, I'm assuming. And then so...

Fuck with my ass, man. So when do you see your first dick pic? Oh, I still have. I saved it. Okay. Not just to look, not to look at when I'm alone or whatever, but it was the... I don't even know how it happened or why you did it, but it was this big... Will you show me first before you show her so I can see?

Yeah, I'll show you. It's... Welcome to my world. I know that. I feel... Why wouldn't she... I feel like this is... You show her stuff like this all the time.

Well, now. It's like it was a slow process. It's not even that weird. Oh, God. There's so many. There's so... I can't even look. Oh, God.

Oh, God. Here, let's see. Oh, I remember this. And Christina knows this one too. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Because I would try to send him one.

And I sent her that. That's really menacing. Yeah. Oh, God. So just so you guys know what I'm looking at... Oh, I don't like that one at all. I don't like those gaping shots. Oh, God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So the first one that looked like Rick Ross sitting naked on the bed. With a gargantuan horse hog between his legs. Second one. Oh, I love that one. That's an oldie but goodie. Oh, God.

He's got a peener inside of a gas pipe. Oh, that guy's great. Oh, and a gas pipe one? Yeah. That's a good one. Did you send that to me? No, maybe you sent it. He's wearing women's lingerie and he's got a peener and a gas pipe.

I remember I've sent it to you. Oh, God. Oh, you did this one. You did that one. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. How dare you, Ernie. Ernie.

That's my poster in a club and she put a black peener up against it. That's really, really clever though. How dare you. The caption was, your wife's hot. And then I don't know, who sent, did you send me this? Oh, God. I thought we know it. Oh, that's gay black dudes.

Yes. I don't think that was me. I think that was from you, Tommy. You put that on Twitter, I'm pretty sure. I don't like that. I don't like that. No. Women with nipple clamps and ballgags.

That was you. Ernie, how does that make you feel? How did it make you feel? It was like, you know how you feel really scared sometimes? Because some people actually like this kind of stuff. And then at your podcast, you told everyone, I enjoy eating poop. Yeah, that's, I go, remember when we were talking. But no one knew it was me.

Well, now they do. Right. But when we did the last live one, we were talking about, there was something about shit fetish or something like that. Right. That German thing was so funny. The German thing, yes. Exactly.

Yes. And we're talking about that. And then about, oh yeah, we talked about the video where the girl eats the guy's butt and he shits. Yes. And then I was like, yeah, my friend, Andy, because I knew she was there. I got my friend, Andy does that, but nobody knew who I was talking about. But now you know, it's my friend, Andy, aka Ernie.

Do you have the whole nipple clip? Yeah. Can I just hear that again? I feel like I need a refresher. Are you thirsty? I want to breastfeed you. Hear these big nips. And watch how you suck me dry.

Oh my God. Look here. All for you. All for you. More. Yes. Wow. Come on, if you're thirsty.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. Whoa. Whoa. Wow. No. No. Yeah.

Okay. 00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:18,360 No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. I don't feel like I need, you know, is there anyone who I don't know? I'm so bad on this big map. Yeah. It's pretty, um, pretty intense. Yeah. So Ernie, how did you feel listening to the nip clip just now?

I thought it was, I just kind of, it was like art. You know, I just kind of look at it like art. Yeah. So did you think, I agree. That's how I was disturbed. Then after I first did that to your phone where you're like, whoa, what the fuck? I, I felt like secretly think all guys are like that, but they, so you're just not holding it in.

All right. So all guys are just animals? Yeah. Really? Yeah. I think a lot of people feel that way. You feel that way? It's a fair assessment.

Yeah. But I'm just not restraining. I think you just like making people look at weird things. I don't know what that's about. You explain that. Why do you like that? Yeah. That's interesting.

This whole podcast is about that. It is. Oh, you're right. It is about. So this is an extension of my, you can tell. But I think Tom and I both enjoy the awful and the horrible. Yeah. But why do, why do you like to see people's reactions?

I'll tell you why. I think it's rooted in this. Yeah. I like reactions because I like upsetting my mother. Yeah. I can see that. I like showing her something or saying something that gets a horrible reaction out of her. Yeah.

And this, it just manifests itself this way. That makes sense. You know what? I think I like mental illness a little bit because my mom's mentally ill. And it gives me joy to make fun of the mentally a little bit. Oh my God. It's like a form of revenge. No, I'm serious.

Like I, for some reason it's all. Mentally ill is funny. A mom loss. Really? Yeah. It tickles me in a way that nothing else does. That's so true. Yeah.

Yeah. It is. And I have a, I have a bit of that as well. Yeah. We're going to rot in hell. I know, but you know. Like what kind of mentally ill? Well, my mom is a borderline and a paranoid schizophrenic.

Okay. So, and the irony is that she used to work for a psychiatrist when I was a little girl. And so I was always around crazy people in the waiting rooms when I would go to work with her. And I always, we would laugh at them. Like she'd be like, Oh, so and so came in and she ate two spoonfuls of dirt today. And I just, as a little girl that tickled me so much. But the odd thing is that I really enjoy it now.

It's interesting is that your mom's, it doesn't, you don't find really humor in your mom. Right? No, it's too painful. It's not too sad. So it makes sense then that you try to find humor in something like her, but that isn't her. Absolutely. Yeah.

It's a way to, I guess, transfer the awfulness. Right. Yeah. There you go. There you go. Look at that. So what, what tickles you? Like I haven't seen your act, but I can only imagine.

I bet you're kind of goofy and silly and sweet. That's my prediction. Yeah. It's super, it's super clean and I can't, I can't, I can't talk about like, like poop or party. Okay. Which is so, it doesn't make any sense. But I don't know why I've never been able to do that.

But so like my boyfriend, I'll have like a joke and I won't even laugh at it even if I know it's family. You don't, you don't like poop? What don't you do? You don't like the sounds of it? I know you guys love it. You guys love it so much. That's not true.

All my friends were like, you're not going to have fun. They're going to talk about poop the whole time. You're going to have to tell a poop story, they said. That's horrible. Which of your friends said that? Well, my friend, Tom McNaughton, like they're not, no, he's a comedian, but my friend James is not a comedian. Just my friends who listen to your podcast are like, because they know how much I don't

like pooper or sex, but I do, I do like being funny though. So I do get that it's fun to like be. So I do have a Twitter account that's like super separate where I'm just like racist and what? And I don't, I talk about weeners and stuff all the time, but I don't think I see Ernie. What? It's a secret. I don't want people to know it's me.

Wait, you have a secret Twitter account where you're racist and I can talk about whatever I want because I still know that that stuff's funny, but I don't like people thinking. So you do it jokingly? Like, are you doing a joke? Are you letting out your racist feelings? You're saying? Oh, well, maybe I haven't really thought about it. I'm not racist.

I just sometimes, uh-oh, but you like, but you like to make those blue jokes and like sex jokes. Like really? And then you do it under eight and anonymous. Do you? Is it with a photo of somebody? Or is it a photo of a fat woman who can't button her pants? This is hysterical.

Now, but why don't you think you could do this in your real act? I just don't think, I don't like, I just don't like being associated with like dirtiness. I like being fun and happy and no one's going to die. Wow. This is deep, Ernie. I like being positive. Being positive. But I do, I can tell your, I do, I started telling people, but as long as, well, I could

say what it is. Yeah. It's Marie's Fat Jeans, M-A-R-I-E-S Fat Jeans, and it's because I started making fun of my friend. I call her fat all the time. She's not, but as I made an account where I just made fun of her for a while, so she didn't know it was me for like a year. I was like, oh, you're so fat.

You should rub whale lotion on your nuts and just like, just super random. And then eventually I was like, this is great. I can just say whatever I want and people won't like go to my Twitter feed. Like if someone's like- And see this. And see it. And see if it's with her handle. Yeah.

Marie's Fat Jeans. So I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you're from the Midwest. Yeah. Okay. Where? Minnesota. I knew it. I fucking knew it.

So I'm going to guess Minnesota nice. I know that. Yeah. That's what I was saying. So Minnesotans are notoriously sweet and kind and it's a nice culture. Yeah. So I'm sure like growing up there, it's not, it's really found upon to be dirty, I think. Yeah.

It's encourage comedians to start clean and to work clean and all that. Okay. So your family, are they very like straight laced? Oh yeah. My mom is super funny, but she's like, I wouldn't ever want to make her uncomfortable by showing her anything creepy. Yeah. Cause I really like my mom.

What do you think of this show? I don't know. My mom used to come to all my comedy shows. My mom and my grandma went to all the, cause I couldn't drive. So for the first like two years, they were always in the audience until like midnight, like six, seven shows a week. Wait. You couldn't drive when you were like, cause you were younger?

I was, I just, I still can't drive. No, I can't. I have my license, but I cheated on the vision test. What's going on? We got to address that cause you live in LA now. I know. And I don't drive. So what happened?

Why don't you drive? Well, I got into a car accident when I was like 16, where I just went through a red light cause I thought it was green and I, I have terrible judgment too, where I'm just like, who cares? Bam, hit a car. And I was just, you know, I still drove after that, but then eventually I was like, I shouldn't be driving. Like, how you can't see things.

Okay. What do you mean? Wait. So you say you have terrible judgment. Logic. Yeah. I'll be with my boyfriend. I'm like, take a left here.

Take left here. He'll be just like, there's cars coming. But I'm like, oh, but my GPS said take a left. I just would have gone. What? What? I don't remember this cause I tried to remember the driving thing and I go, I can't remember the details.

That mean not driving? Yeah. Yeah. I'm just scared. I have terrible vision. Oh really? But you are, is it vision where you, you're not allowed to drive or you could? Well, I can now, I lost the cornea in my eye or the lens, the lens in my eye.

So now that I don't have it, now I actually have better vision. Okay. But before I didn't, I just haven't driven in years. So now it's become a thing. I haven't just learned, but I do want to learn again. My friends have offered to teach me. Are you going to? Maybe.

I mean, it's so expensive to have a Ford car. Hold on a second. Do you not have a burning desire to be able to drive? Freedom? Yeah. I love, I do love driving. I love sitting in my car at like a gas station and just sitting in my car at a gas station eating food in the parking lot.

You're bringing up the food thing again. I know. I love sitting and eating. With. That's why my boyfriend gets so mad. We'll just get home from grocery shopping and let's just sit in the car and eat before we get out. He's like, no, we have to go inside and eat.

And let's just sit in here and eat. So that is the best. That is the best. I like to eat in the car. I do it. I leave like bags and nuts and stuff. Yeah. The good is to find the one.

Like if you go grocery shopping and they have you bag it up and you go like, just leave that on the side. Yeah. I'm going to eat that. I just did that in our car. I ate chips and salsa. I just said. That's not an item that most people sit in the car.

I do it all the time. Chips and salsa? Because I get a real hankering for it. Yeah. Like I got to have it now. I can't wait until I get home. Do you not feel at all handy handcuffed by like not driving on your own? Like with saying, you know, in LA right now, like something comes up, you have to arrange

a ride. Well, I'm just, my boyfriend's unemployed, so I'm just going to keep him not employed for a while. Very nice. Good idea. So that he can drive. Healthy. It's a healthy thing.

Very good relationship. I know. I know. So if he just never gets a job, he can just drive me wherever I want. What? Sounds like a really healthy plan. So. Okay.

So how long have you guys been in LA now? A month. So he's unemployed and you're not driving? Yeah. He's a mechanical engineer. Oh. He's smart. Yeah.

He's looking and he wants a job too, but he also just likes, he's been working for so long. He's like, he just wants to relax. Sure. He does comedy too and has like a podcast and stuff. What? He does comedy? Yeah.

I didn't know that. Yeah. Yeah. He's doing comedy for maybe a year or two. Stand up. What other comedy? I don't know. Sketch or improv or something.

Oh yeah. We did that too. We did a poop joke movie. Well, it was going to be a poop joke sketch. Yeah. But in the end, I changed it into losing instead of pooping. Oh, okay. I can see the connection.

If he gets a gig though, let's say mechanical engineering, you have to be able to drive. Yeah. Well, then I'll just probably take the bus. So you don't want to drive? Bad idea. I do want to drive, but I'm so scared. What are you scared of? Yeah.

Let's go through that one. I wanted to tell you the truth. Yes. Please God. Oh God. I was in a car accident a few years ago too, and it's just so scary because it's like the chances of you dying on accident without like a drug overdose or whatever, I was driving. Yeah.

So that's the main thing then? Yeah. I don't understand that. So you get in a car when you're 16. Yeah. That was scary. And I still drove after that. Right.

And I was like fine. And then when my dad died, it was just like that was like three years ago. It's very recent. Yeah. And I was just like, you know, just driving so fast and anything can happen at any time. You have to like, and it's not. You shouldn't do this on your own. Yeah.

No, no. I'm serious. Yeah. You shouldn't, you shouldn't just like pop. Start driving. No, I think you need to like work it out, but I don't think you should work it out on your own. I think you should work it out with somebody.

Yeah. Someone you trust. That's the key. Because here's the thing. You know, you can get killed anytime. That's true. Right after my dad died, I researched how to build a time machine, so I researched that for like hardcore.

I learned, I was starting physics, I was studying chemistry, and I started that for a long time. I was having dreams about it. And I was like, this is going to happen. And then I started studying probability and I just, I read tons of books about probability and space time and all that. And I just was reading like on probability and there was just statistics with driving worth like probability of driving.

Right. People think, yes, you can die. You can totally die anyway, but driving is one of the ones where it's, it actually is more risky, but it's not that risky. It's not that risky. Yeah. There's tens of thousands of accidents and deaths every day, you know, around the world. But it's like, you know, are you going to go through life just with that guy?

Well, yeah. And also look, we all take calculated risks. I got a real phobia of street meats and eating outside of my home. I don't like getting food poisoning. I don't like vomiting. Okay. But then I go, you know what, sometimes the joy of eating is worth a street dog every now and then.

Like you got it. And so it is kind of a cost-benefit analysis of you get the freedom to go wherever you want whenever you want. But yeah, there's, there's always going to be a risk. I think I could. I think I really think I could drive again. You can. I think you should.

I think you should. No, but we say this out of just, maybe if I wasn't so poor, I would consider it. I just can't afford it. Well, you guys have one car now between the two of you. That's okay. Now's the time to learn. And listen, your boyfriend's got plenty at free time. It sounds like.

Is he, is he a patient man? I think so. I mean, maybe, maybe just go to a parking lot and start off, start off slow. Oh my, I have driven before my friend's car was parked and it was going to get towed and I drove it around the corner. I meant for you to put your cup on that. I'm so sorry. Jesus Christ.

Oh my God. That makes him so crazy. He gets mad at me so hard. I'm, I'm terrified. I'm terrified to take a drink. Who puts that? Okay. Oh, here's some post-it notes with math on it.

Why was there supposed to know to put it on? Oh my God. You just really broke one down. We can start over. No, seriously though, you should really try just, just, just consider maybe just doing donuts in the parking lot. You know what I mean? Slow ones.

It's so funny to me how every person I've ever told I can't drive, they can't get it out of their head that I can't because it's so, it's where it is. Imagine their own lives, I think. But it's for, it's for more than one reason. It's like, honestly, you'll be, I think, you know, you have more freedom that way. I think you'll be happier with the freedom. He'll have more freedom. He will.

Yeah. Right? It's nice for him. He wouldn't have to be on the street right now. Yeah. He could be at home. Yeah. How about that?

Right. And that's on you. Don't put that on me. But also, too, it is a thing, you know, it's obviously attached to some very sad event in your life. But that's the part that needs healing, maybe, and then you can go forward. Do you see anybody? Do you go to a therapist or anything?

I did, but she was religious, so I was just the entire time, she just would like, part of the solution was God being in my life. Oh my God. Let's get out. I mean, okay. So I need to see another one. Can we put you in touch with somebody? Seriously.

And then they're cheap. They're on a sliding scale, so there's no reason. We're going to put you in touch with somebody. Yeah. For real. That is devastating. Put me in touch and then I'll just drive you guys around. Oh, I'd love that.

You know, because look, if you're Woody Allen or Howard Stern, you don't have to drive if you live in New York City. But LA, you know. Just those two guys? That I know of. I know of them. Like, they're notorious non-drivers, those two. That's true.

Yeah, well, New Yorkers, right? Yeah. Most New Yorkers can get away with it, right? But here in LA, it is a necessity. Yeah. I don't want to ride the bus, man. I mean, I grew up here and if you don't like sex, forget it because you're going to see so many guys masturbating on buses.

Oh, my God. Yeah. I was sitting on a bus in Minneapolis and I was on the inside seat and a guy was jerking off underneath a newspaper right next to me. Right next to you? Right exactly next to me. And he was like looking over at me and at first I was like, oh, this guy's rubbing his leg and then he looked up and made me look at it.

I looked over at him and like, it was so, I didn't know what to do. I was like, do I tell someone? But I just got off the bus and walked a mile. Oh, my God. That was so scary. I don't want you to get scared. You know what you should do because they're getting off on me or being horrified. What you should do is laugh.

Yeah. No, seriously, if you point and go, oh, my God, look at that one. And then that ruins their buzz. That's a good idea. If there's one thing my wife has experience with, it's dicks, lots of dicks. I've been jerked off in front of many times of homeless guys, guys on buses for pay, Facebooks, homeless. Oh, my God.

It's fucking huge. Yep. You've been there a lot. So you lived in Minnesota. Anywhere else in your life? Just Minnesota? Oh, we didn't tell her why we, I wanted, we were talking about this, why we have the no guest policy.

Yeah. Let's discuss. Yes. You deserve an explanation. I wasn't going to text it to you. We've had guests of our show. We invite someone to come on, usually a comedian, and they bring somebody with them and it has always been a huge hindrance in the show.

The person who we're trying to focus on starts focusing on the person they brought. Sometimes the people try to sit in the room and then they try to talk or they don't have a mic. The whole thing just is not conducive to making the show go well. And then they're, you know, they're in the room and then they're listening about like, you know, the people sometimes feel like, I don't know if I can say this in front with the person there. That's the worst.

We got a zero. Oh my God. Someone brings a spouse. The spouse is suddenly judging. And they go like, you asked me something, they go like, can I say that out on permission? And this way it's a nice bubble. It's just. But this is why we wanted to tell you.

It's not personal. I'm glad that he's not in here too. Fuck that. How long have you been with that guy? Four and a half years. Aren't you guys financiers now? Yeah, he engaged me on the day before we moved here. He gave me the ring and then we moved out here.

And now I'm actually, I asked, I, I don't know, I asked for like a second engagement ring. Okay. What's that? Excuse me. Consider it. What'd you do? Is that weird?

I don't know. I don't know. That sounds. Tell us that your logic. Well, I want one for when I'm on stage and one for when I'm at like a fancy thing. I want one that doesn't look expensive. Let me see. It does.

It's really not. It's not expensive. I can't imagine. That's gorgeous. Yeah. It's like classical. Very nice. The snitch.

Yeah. I like that. It's got the wings. That's lovely. I like it, but I want one that's like $30 that I can just like, who cares if I lose it? Right? Really?

That's interesting. So you're afraid. So do I. Yeah. I don't have much jewelry around because I'm terrified. But the thing is, is that you, you deserve to have a nice engagement ring. I want a nice one. And then I want one.

You have the nice one. We should make that clear. You're not like, this is bullshit. Give me a nice one. Yeah. No. Oh God. You're like, wow, fucking Ernie's a real asshole.

Yeah. But Ernie, I think you deserve to have a nice ring all the time. Even if you were to lose that, don't you think he would, he wouldn't, you know, if you lost it, he would replace it with a nice one. Yeah. I think Burt would. Is that his name? Yeah.

Oh, that's so perfect. Yeah. It's perfect. Burt. Little Burt. Congratulations. That's so cute. And did he do something special?

He was so nervous about it that he, he didn't do, he was planning, he was like, I planned so many special things, but he just was too nervous and excited. So he just put it on my finger when I was sleeping. What? And then I will, he was like, wake up. And then I was like, oh, he's like so, and I was like, oh, okay. And he's like, oh yeah, do you want to get married? I was like, yeah.

So it was cute. You guys are wacky. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. What happened? But it was cute, but he was like, I just didn't want to wait. This is for you because you guys are newly engaged. Congratulations, Andy Eric.

Here comes the bride. Oh, dressed in white. Sing along, Andy. Oh my God. Congratulations. Damn. Yeah. That's nice.

That was for Andy. So sweet of you. And Alex, right? And Alex. Yeah. That's his name. He's thinking of changing his name though. Wait, what do you mean?

Cause there's two more Alex Stein's new comedy that he's already seen on bills for shows. So what is he doing? He's changing it up. He wants me to be Campbell Stein or Alex Campbell. Well, his bill name is Campbell. How about Alex the mechanical engineer? Yeah. That might be a better future for that guy.

Doctor. When did he, he started doing it a year ago because he's been around it a lot. Yeah. He loves comedy. That's great. He came to a few year shows too. Oh, back in many, right? And you guys were at the live podcast in Pasadena.

Yeah. All right. When I worked as an immigration paralegal, I brought over many mechanical engineers from India. Very competitive and very specialized knowledge, by the way. That's a pretty sweet gig and they make decent scratch. I wouldn't know if I, I mean, you shouldn't piss that away for a career at Stag, you know. Oh my God.

He's going for it though. He wants to just stand up now. Yeah. Yeah. He's standing up for comedy or acting. Support this Ernie. Oh, she's totally. Why are you, why are you being negative Nellie about this?

Because here's what, mechanical engineering is so smart. Yeah. They make so much good money and there's pretty great job security. But he doesn't want to do it. I know. But why are you, why are you being, why aren't you telling him to ride the rainbow? Because I look back in my life and I'm like, ah, fuck your dreams. You know what I'm saying?

Like just go with what's easy and is going to be consistent. Okay. What do you mean? There you go. Could you pass along this advice? Yes. How old is he? He's 27.

Oh yeah. No, it's too late. You got to tell him to fucking get it back to mechanical engineering. Retirement age. Oh man. I feel like you could if you want, he could do both. Probably. You can.

Yeah. You could do spots at night and then mechanical engineer all day. There you go. That sounds like a fun life. And then on weekends. Yeah. That's really nice. He knows how to fix our old arcade machines.

No. That's cool. Or you should do that. That's fantastic. Here's how dumb I am. I don't even know like what did he do when he had his last mechanical engineering job. That sounds just so beyond my capabilities. He did mostly working with air filters and testing them inside like vehicles to make

like big rig like vehicles. No, I can do that. Yeah. I know what that is. That was he like put the air filter. Now this one doesn't work. All the way. This one does work.

All right. Like that. There's a good one. It's just like with jokes. That one didn't work. This one doesn't work. Okay. Do this one.

You're so sweet. You're very supportive. That's very nice. You should marry somebody. I think that's a good way. It's unique that the person, the partner is getting into stand up after the other one had done. Yeah.

That is weird. They were already did stand up. Yes. They did stand up and the girl is the one with like the stable job. Exactly. Now how long have you been doing it now? Six years. So you were at like five years when he started.

Yeah. And were you encouraging to him? Or were you like? Totally. You were. Oh yeah. The only thing I kind of, and maybe you guys know this too when like they'll both be like joking about something like who gets the joke.

All right. And also sex around his family. His family is hilarious. His dad will say something funny and I'll be like, he won't even acknowledge that that's a joke. I'm like premise. I'm like I have to give it to him. No, but the good thing is eventually you'll develop your voice so much that it won't.

You know what I mean? First of all, I think if it's a really good joke, you should be like, look man, you don't have the tools for that. You can't. Yeah. For sure. You've got the seniority. Yeah.

Totally. I mean you're fucking five years back. Six years back. Open my style. Because this is a little too much for you. I think right now. I would say it like that. Yeah.

Yeah. Everyone shows where the girlfriend does the boyfriend's joke. Take my wife and said re-swap. So we each totally do it. No. Where was that? In Minneapolis there's a show. You swap jokes?

Just for one show. Everyone does it. Communions. Wow. So how's his stand-up going? Well. It's going good. He's really funny.

He's just like smart one-liners and stuff like that. And he's really silly. And he's still trying to find his voice and he has this really cool German character too. Look at you guys. Sweet. You little wacky kids. We're just like you guys. Except the clean version.

Except the clean version. What do you think of this? Tell me what about this stands out to you. Okay? Okay. Just listen closely. In marijuana in Vietnam I started with that and then I started to use opiates back when I got home morphine and then that's turned into heroin.

And I soon have found myself with a habit. What's turned into what? Heron. It's a bird. Heron. Oh. Blue band. Heron.

Heron. Heron. You've said it like that before as a joke, right? Yes. Heron. Heron. Then it worked its way up to. Heron.

Does that sound right to you? Yes. That's a proper pronunciation. It is. Heron. I want to get home morphine and then that's turned into heron. That's not how you say it. I don't think so.

Why do you change it to heron? I don't know. Is that a common way of slang in it? Like is that a common pronunciation? I've heard Nas say it. Interesting. So it's a particular community, a segment of the community. And I saw this man and he's from that community.

Mary's fat jeans might know what I'm talking about. I'm just singing the song. You say heroin. I say heron. Heron. Heron. Heron. Heron.

Tomato. Tomato. There you go. That's good. There you go. Yeah. Heron. Heron.

Marijuana. You say tomato. I say tomato. You say heron because you're black. Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. We didn't say that. Yeah. Man.

That was pretty funny. He does like the Reagan chain of command too. It's like, well, first it was just marijuana. It's the gateway drug buddy. Gateway drug pal. Do you think your dad's ever tried heron? Absolutely not. Absolutely not.

I had when the guys found marijuana in Vietnam. I had my platoon piss all over it. We said that's what I think of marijuana. Ernie, do you smoke marijuana? I bet a lot. Yeah. I get stuck when I do it. My hand will get stuck in my bag of chips,

or I'll get stuck. Are we talking about food again? Sorry. Yeah. Well, chips, a bag of poker chips. Or we'll be playing Settlers of Catan. Do you guys know that game? No.

It's the coolest game in the whole world. What? Settlers of Catan. It's made in Germany, so that guy would like it. And you play, it's kind of like risk. I like risk. I like risk. And we were all like, hi, we are all of us.

There's at least three. And we were playing, but we didn't know whose turn it was for a long time. This is so funny. It does sound like a lot of things. It does sound one part I don't like about pot is the crippling confusion when you're trying to do stuff. I don't like being confused.

Crippling. Yeah. I like to watch movies and I like to eat a lot. Those are my two favorite things in life. You know, I'm reading that four hour work weekbook. Cool. Have you read that? I've heard, I've thought about it.

Yeah. It's quite good. And he's like, his whole premise is like, you should take these mini retirements. Like just take two months off and go learn to samba dance in Brazil or maybe goal, tango dancing. And my whole thing I realized, like if I took that time down, I would just want to do nothing.

I don't really want to do shit. Like I feel like I've done enough. I've lived 37 years. I've done a lot already. Like my whole goal is really just to lay on the couch and not in a depressing way. Like I just like to chill the fuck out. You know what I'm saying?

So do you like, you know? Like I want to retire now. But like on the road, don't you get lots of time to just hang out? Sometimes. Yeah. If you don't have to do a lot of press or something like that. Yeah.

I never thought press would suck so much. If I had known how much I would hate, I'd hate press. That's so harsh. I might rethink this whole thing. We just got lucky. I was got canceled for Chicago. Yeah. We had like five thing.

Oh, God damn it. And they're like all canceled. And I was like, yes. It all feels like a waste. The thing is it never, here's my theory on press. If it's somebody who the public already knows, then press is simply an advertisement for the thing. So then they go, oh, the person who I know is here, the TV guy,

the movie guy. If you're not, if they don't know who you are, even if you're, if you kill, you kill on radio, you kill on a morning TV show, they still go like that guy was funny or that girl was funny. And then they're not like, I got to go see them. I've done press a hundred times. I've had really good times doing press where, you know, after the show, a couple people like I saw you on press and you're like,

so all that shit was for like a few tickets. And then the podcast is like a hundred times more effective to getting people to the show. And, you know, and it's people who already know it's so much better. My favorite is the morning, the local morning TV people. Oh yeah, like the good morning Chicago. God damn it. And they're always like, tell us about Afghanistan.

You're like, well, it's not burning bodies. And people stepped on IEDs. I tried to get one to ask me about my jeans one time. Yeah, I remember that. And I go, just ask you about my jeans. And she was like, what? I go, just ask me like how tight I wear my jeans. And she was like, all right.

And then she walked in the stick. She's like, what? Now you said you went shopping. What? She goes, didn't you just say you went shopping? Nope. I just left her like, she was like, so you're going to be doing shows tonight and blah, blah, blah.

Well, I always say to like who the fuck if you're watching some nerdy ass morning show, chances are you're not going to the comedy show that you're awake in the morning. So yeah, I am tempted. I so want to do this on the next one I do is be like, look, anybody that's seen me on this morning TV show, if you come to my show this weekend, I will personally blow you. Come up to me and tell me you saw me on Good Morning Iowa

and I will fucking give you a blow job. Just like that lady at the beginning of our show. I'm 100% on board with this idea. Why? I just don't feel like. You want to sell tickets, don't you? I'll tell you why. You ain't my bitch, nigga.

Buy your own damn fries. Now you know that guy ain't shit. Sorry ass motherfucker got nothing on me, right? Nothing. People's jokes. And then they're ignorant motherfuckers like you. Chicago were coming. Ernie likes that.

Her alter ego would like that. Chicago's own right there. Oh, is he from Shaitan? I forgot about that. Bow? Barrick? Barrick? Barrick?

I mean, he's from Hawaii, but he claims Chicago in Hawaii. So, Ernie, have you ever dated a black man? No, my boyfriend thought I did once because there's pictures of me next to a black guy in my old Facebook pictures. And he was like, what's this? We're breaking up? Yeah. Well, before, no, we started dating and then he looked back through my history.

Really? I was like, there's a ton of pictures of you like hanging out with this black guy. Like a lot of them. Because we were on vacation together. Like a five of comedians all over. And there's just tons of pictures. And so he's like, did you ever date a black guy? And I had to be like, what?

No. And what, did he press you on it? Yeah, he was, yeah. He was like, you can tell me. That was nice. Was that what he sounded like? That's what my boyfriend sounds like. Okay.

That's a white guy. Can you believe that? Yeah. Because anyone can do it, whatever they set their mind to. That's true. That's very true. What a great way of looking at that. I believe everything.

I just, everything's possible. Great. Actually, this is too positive. You are positive. No, we're positive. I'm positive energy. I do positive affirmations. Oh, you meditation and stuff.

I love meditation. I love, oh, there's my dog here. No, I love positive energy. Hi, poopie. That's cute. So this is your first marriage? It will be. How old are you, by the way?

26, 27. Oh my gosh. Oh, happy birthday. Thank you. Is it today? It was on last week. Oh, happy smurf day. Thank you.

I feel so old. You texted me. We were going to do it last week. My, my, my, my, my birthday. And you were like, wait, you just said, you said like, hey, do you want to do the podcast next week? And I was like, yes, that week is my birthday and the Olympics start.

And you're like, I didn't need to know that extra stuff. Did you watch the Olympics? Every day, every day, every day, every day, every day. Right now I'm missing it. Uh-oh. Did you record it? I don't have a DVR, but they replay it again at, they replay it again at 2 a.m.

So I watch it again. So you're going to stay up and watch that? Oh yeah, I stay up till 4. I watch it twice. I watch it when it comes on at 7. And then I want you to do it when it comes on at 2. In case I missed anything. And then it's so good.

And guys, pink eye is my favorite day in the whole world. Have you guys seen any of it? I've, to the pink eye? Yes. I've seen the photographs of it. Bob Costas. Bob Costas, it's so fun. I look at him and I just smile.

I'm like, this was, this is like, you must be so sad right now that your face looks like that. Like imagine if you were like, imagine if you were like, oh, I have to record a TV special. Oh, I have pink eye. But I have to do it anyways. Like how sad would you be? And it's like the whole world.

Like 3 billion people watch the inaugural address. That's different. That's definitely not it. Yeah, that's different. The opening ceremony? Opening ceremony. When I start talking, I don't censor myself. I just say what comes out.

So wait a minute. You watch it when it first airs. Yeah, then I watch it again at 2 a.m. 2 a.m. And then again. The next day it starts again at 3 p.m. Cover starts again. Okay.

Without cable. You know what I do? Whenever I tell jokes, I have a premise. I go, pretend you have Asperger's and write this joke. So you have to look at it like. Okay. See. And you have to be.

Is that your Michael J. Fox? Right there. What are you doing? Oh my God. You know, you would love it. You lost yourself in it. I really believed it.

I believed it. This is just for Annie. Come on. Let's do it. They were playing Which is Mike Singletary. You're going to hear two clips. You tell us Which is Mike Singletary. Let's go.

Hey, baby. We're going to be here all day. We're going to be here all day, baby. I like this kind of party. That was clip number 1. Okay. We're going to be here all day. We're going to be here all day, baby.

I want to say this. Number 1 is I apologize for the start. What do you got? Which is Mike Singletary? Please don't play the clips again. Was it? What do you think? No, this is all you.

This is your game. It's your world. What do I win? Can I have that candle? This Reese's Cup that I have taken a bite out of. Thank you. There you go. There's the prize.

We have to play. What if I just didn't guess? That's terrible. Come on. You have to guess. Come on, Ernie. Come on, Ernie. The first one.

Handy. Don't play. They're both Mike Singletary. No! All right. We got to go. I have one thing I wanted to do. Please.

Okay. I have a joke I've never tried. Okay. Here we go. Ready? Go. Okay. I muted your mic.

I was like, oh, it sounds better now. Okay. Go. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. For real. Hold on a second. Okay. Okay.

Go ahead. Okay. I don't know. I just wanted to, I didn't get to try this joke on stage yesterday. Okay. And I don't know if it's funny or not, but I thought maybe you guys could let me know when we could work on it and you could tell me what I should do. It's a one-liner.

Okay. So, did you guys see, I was going to segue one more time. Well, Bob's segue. Okay. If I mean Bob Castis. Bob's segue. Bob Castis. Okay.

Do you guys see Bob Castis's eye? How do you think Bob Castis's got pink eye? Did Vladimir Putin his eye? Hey, oh, that is a good joke. That's very, that's very. You brought that to your mom's house. That was perfect. Thank you.

I figured it had poop and it kind of poot. That was perfect. That was really good. That was a really good joke. I really enjoyed it. I really enjoyed it. What's your favorite category in the Olympics or sport? I like moguls.

Moguls? Because that's the last one I saw, so it's my favorite. What do you mean? What? That's the last one I watched. Sorry, the Olympics? They're all my favorite. The event?

Every event, curling. What's the mogul event? That's when you jump over big bumps, but you're skiing and you go bump, bump, bump. Oh, it's skiing. I hate all of them. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Snowboarding too.

Halfway. That's pretty cool stuff. I don't want to ruin it for anybody, but it was really sad. Yeah. I like the figure skating. I like the cobbles. I like the gay men that aren't out gay. Do they do that?

Well, there's that cute little Japanese guy who had like the flames on his uniform. I remember on the feathers. I'm like, oh, this guy's totally good. Yeah. Yeah. So sweet. Well, we hope if you're like Andy, like Ernie, that you are into the Olympics, I'm not personally into it.

We get to ruin it for her. She's positive energy. She's eating the chocolate that I bit into a week ago. Winner. You know what? I really bit into that a week ago. It's been sitting here a week. It's okay.

We have more snacks. You want some snacks? Yeah. So much candy for you. We got a Halloween candy left over. Are you homeless right now? Do you live? I live in a car.

I can't drive. That's right. We're going to be having fun into coma. Make sure you come to see us. We're in Chicago tonight for Valentine's Day. Oh, make love to your best friend. Holy dog. Shit.

I didn't even bring this up. What? The Valentine's that were made by Megan and Megan. Oh my God. Oh my God. Thank you, ladies. So much. I showed them to my husband.

I got them in Kansas City. And you posted a few of them on Instagram. So ridiculous. These girls made like handmade Valentine's for us girls. Those were really amazing. Yeah. Thank you so much. Really, really from the bottom of my heart.

So ridiculous. Thank you. Yes. Thank you for the Valentine's cards. There's one with Webster. There's only one. There's Webster. It's the dog's tits with Theo.

It's fucking awesome. Let me make sure they're Megan's. Hold on. Okay. Can I tell them what I saw when I first got here? Sure. Well, I didn't know which house it was. And I looked into the sliding glass mirror.

Yeah, it's Megan and Megan. And there were two people making out. And I was like, oh no. Is this the house? Because I didn't want to like knock and people be like, hey, we're trying to make out here. Why are you watching us? So I just walked away. But then I came back again and then they were still making out.

And then I walked away for a little bit. And then they were like, Andy, what are you doing out there? So I think they saw me. You're a peeping Ernie. Yeah. So if you guys listened, you didn't know, but they're adorable and they kiss each other too much. They're kissing right now.

Thank you. No. I love my husband. He doesn't love me as much, but I love him. Oh, bullshit. And I kiss a smelly cheese beard every day. Sometimes it smells like pizza a lot. No, it does not smell like pizza.

It does a lot. I don't eat pizza. I haven't had pizza. Just smell the beard on your way out and tell me. No. Andy, you have to smell my beard. No. Smell his beard.

No. Just smell his beard. Is this happening? Will you smell my fingers? No. Oh, God. That's really propane. Okay.

We got to go. We love you guys. Thank you. Thank you. I loved your pooch. Butthole. Butthole. Butthole.

Butthole. Why do my ice cubes smell like a butthole? The smell. The smell. The smell. It was like really powerful. Butthole. Butthole.

Butthole. 90% of the time it's something that's actually kept in the freezer. It's gone bad. Butthole. Butthole. Butthole. Butthole. But we don't eat anything that smells like buttholes.

Butthole.