Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Chad Daniels-263-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: October 24, 2014

Ba Booey Cha Say-O Muh B-hole!! Rejoice, we have THE B-hole of all holes with us, it's Chad Daniels, mommy! The same way a serial killer knows that he will kill after he locks in and stalks his victim, sometimes for months, we knew that it would be a blast hangin' with the Chad Man! We listen to a woman transform into a man or is it the other way? Who cares. Someone else out there is having a lot of orgasms and this time it isn't a man! Want some? Plus there are plenty of big words and tales of slander and redemption. Chad Daniels is your step mom whether you like it or not. Jeans are Forever

So it's Friday. Yeah, where are you? I'm in Minneapolis. I'm sorry, I don't know where that is. I'm in Minnesota. How long are you there for, Tom? Well, it's just tonight and tomorrow. That's it. What are the dates? The dates are October 24th and 25th. And I'm sorry, October 24th and October 25th. Thank you. The early show is sold out. So you might want to do the late show Saturday. And I heard that the early show Friday is close to. So get your tickets now. Stop fucking around. So after that, we are going to do the podcast live in Seattle at the High Line November the 6th and then Analog Cafe November 7th in Portland and then

the empty bottle in Chicago November 8th Chicago. Excuse me. Then I'm taking some stand up shows on the road. New Orleans. I'm almost sold out at the House of Blues November 14th. So if you were in New Orleans, get your tickets November 15th Houston at the warehouse November 16th hyenas in Dallas and November 17th performing Arts Center in Oklahoma City. All tickets Tom Cigarette.com please get tickets now for that. And then I'm going to Fartnix. You're going to come stand up live December 4th. I'm going to come to every single show. You're going to sit in the green room every show. And I'm going to

yep. And I'm going to take copious notes on all of your sets. And like even the jokes that are working. I'm going to offer you tags on those. Yeah. Even your great stuff can be improved. That's great. I'm looking forward to that. That should be a lot of fun, man. You know, I love when people give you tags for jokes at work. Yeah, that's a great idea. And then where else can people see you? Jeans? Well, mommy's November 20th, November 21st, November 22nd, November 23rd. I'm in Toledo, Iowa at the Toledo funny bone. And okay. And then Fartford, Connecticut, December 10th, December 11th, December

12th, December 13th. I'm in Fartford, Connecticut, the Fartford funny bone. And then guys, if you're in Austin, Tejas, Tom and I are doing Cap City Comedy Club together. New year's jeans. All right. Yes. We're co-headlining in Austin. So come New Year's Eve and then January 2nd and 3rd. We're also doing shows. Oh, yeah. In Austin. In Mom's Den. All right. Now's a very special time. We have to introduce our guest. Our guest. You may recognize him. Well, this clip probably will explain who he is. I have not actually heard my voice in the conversation for nearly three years now. I went to

Hong Kong and then Singapore and Macau with him. And he is the boy to sail in my beehive. It's Chad Daniels, everybody. Thank you so much. Welcome. Thank you. Thank you for coming here, Chad. My pleasure. Right out of the way, as you could tell, we do our plugs at the top. So even we do, I guess, it may be as weirder for some people, but where can anybody see you coming up soon? Nowhere. Nowhere. Not a single thing. Good answer. Not one. Nobody told me this would be a question. So I'm not prepared. What about your website and your Twitter handle? Yeah, sure. Twitter at Chad Daniels 34 Instagram that

Chad Daniels website, ChadDaniels.com. All my dates are on there. All your dates are on there. And then is that you put up a special once? Is it on Vimeo? I did. It's on you just go to YouTube Chad Daniels as is. And that's the name of it. It's an hour special. Yep. Dude, free. Nice. Just type it in. You can watch them do an hour special. That's awesome. On YouTube. Perfect. Oh, do our Twitter's at Tom Segura at Christina P. Please follow us on Twitter, guys, because we do announce stuff that we normally may forget on the show. And this just reminded me now. We've been telling people to set their DVRs for

October 28th for True TV's How to Be a Grown-Up, but they just posted the first episode online. Yes. You can watch it on YouTube. So it's on our site. Go to yourmomshousepodcast.com and you can watch episode one of How to Be a Grown-Up on True TV. Episode one is up. Also, check out our cruise pictures. Tom and I put our professional cruise photos up. And we took some really nice shots together. Was he wearing a suit? No. I brought a suit, though. I wore a suit. One night, yeah. But he preferred to wear the t-shirt that he slept in the day before. Sure. And then that was like a dinner shirt slash, like

leisure shirt, you know, like just around the boat. This is just like Hong Kong. He wore a suit one night in Hong Kong, too. Yeah. Actually, in Macau. Yeah. He went up on stage to two live crews, hey, I want some pussy. That sounds like with sneakers and a suit and just this little shuffle up to stage. And I couldn't stop laughing. And then almost had a heart attack when he did Pete Lee's opener. What was the opener? Well, I don't want to give away his opener. Can I give away his opener? I don't know. Why not? Okay. I don't know. The opening joke, Pete Lee's opening joke was, oh yeah. I'm American. I think is how it

starts. Yeah, I'm an American. I'm an American. You probably couldn't tell because I'm so thin because I'm skinny. And I forget if there's something comes after that. And then I rolled into your opening joke. Yep. I did both of their opening jokes. And here's how jet lagged I was. I was halfway into my opening joke. I realized it was my opening joke. Like I didn't know right away. I was like, this sounds familiar. Oh, you're like, ah, what is this? I wonder, this must be another of the Pete's jokes. The game is up. Yep. That was a lot of fun. We had a lot of fun on that show. Well, I want to hear your

stories. There's one story in particular, actually two I need to get from Chad. But before that, guys, if you're doing your shopping through Amazon. Amazon. Amazon. Go through our banner on their homepage of your momshousepodcast.com. There's two links. There's one that's a normal time link and one that's a banner. So if you can't see the banner, you can now see the link. Do your shopping as you normally would. And then we get some money for that. So thank you for doing your shopping already. And now you can buy like your Halloween stuff, you know. You can get like costumes for your dogs and cats, candies. Cutouts of like pumpkins,

jack-o-lanterns, spider fake spider stuff. Yes. I do want them to click on your link to shop on Mama's on. But if you're not making your own Halloween costumes, fuck you. Wow. Whoa. And that's straight from me. Wow. He's confrontational. A little bit. He'll tell you exactly what he thinks. Tell me. Is your special? Does it have like caution tape over your mouth? Like, you don't know what this guy's going to say. And also your hands? Like, is that my straight jacket? Just an old lady as I finger your mic. Clang, clang, clang. What are they doing in there? Chad's not used to this. There's just an old woman with her

fingers over my lips. Oh, yeah. Like this is not for old people. I really like the caution tape and the danger thing when it's like danger. You don't know what's going to come out of this mouth. Yeah. You need a comedy shirt. Have you considered like a button down with flames on it or something? I have. I saw a guy, I saw a guy in an airport wearing one of those and I took a picture of them and then I Instagram it like always good to see another comic out on the road. It was that shirt that I'd seen on like every like bad bar gig I ever did had a guy on the lineup with that shirt. Where was the China man going? Words, wow. Big words. And racist. No, no, no. You're on your own. Do you know what I'm talking about?

There's a comedian called the Chinaman. Chinaman. Yeah. Okay. Oh, no, I didn't know that. But he wore like button down. It would be like what you'd see from the coolest bowler at the bowling alley. He was like Spider-Man shirts, but they were buttoned down. I know there's a few guys that rock pretty awesome gear for their shows. All right. Here we go. Opening clip and we're doing the show. Chad Daniels is here. Let's fucking do this. I just saw this and I just put I put it up right away. The clip that we played because it said like a transfer. I think the woman or man or both was saying watch me transform. Oh, cool. So

It's the same person. The first person you hear is saying the second thing too. What's happening in the world? It's like the opposite of the guy I saw at Chipotle. The white guy. The white guy. Yeah. Nobody punk me. You know that shit. You don't pump me once. You don't pump me twice, motherfucker. And then the lady goes, what can I get you? And he goes, I'll take a burrito like immediately switched it. It's the opposite of that clip. Wow. That is it. It is pretty much the complete opposite. Yeah. Yeah. Opposite black dog. Hey, hey, don't. Don't fucking go there. Please. Was that person of color? No, they were of not color. Wow. That's the whole thing is they

were uncolored. Okay. They were uncolored. I'm sorry. Fuck me. Yeah. Fuck you in your ass. Speaking of fucking my ass, Chad Daniels, I love the story Tom came back with about Pabou to say, oh, my behole. Can you elaborate a little bit on what happened with my ass, man? Yeah. What happened was we're on the, the, uh, you know, no, no, no, listen, everyone stop. Listen, listen, no, no, it's our thing. It's my thing. No, no, I want you to be comfortable. Sit back. Sit back. Everyone's on. Everyone's on. Yeah, it's fair like that, huh? Yeah. And then you can be comfortable. You don't, you don't want me to grab it right where it rattles. Right where it rattles and then people think they need new struts on their car when they're listening to this. You don't

want that? Hey, what are you guys going over railroad tracks? You guys okay? You don't want me to do that? Wow. That was a whole new noise. Fucking train horn coming at you. So tell the story though. We're on the, we're on the, we're on the ferry. The ferry. From Pong Pong to Macau. Yep. And Pong Pong. Our sweet, sweet guy, Esther, who was down for some chat if you wanted to give it up, but he wasn't. Really? Was she Asian persuasion? I don't give it up. Oh yeah. I don't give it up. Yeah, she was like, yeah, very sexy. She was. She had long nails. She talked about taking an enormous penis in her vagina. Oh yeah. I think we do have a clip of Esther. I forgot about that. Esther did a little recording for us of the dreams that she had with, with Chad.

With two gentlemen, especially what is amazed is I was able to take a really, really hard long penis into my vagina as well as my. How do you say? What do you call that? Rectum. Rectum is right. Yeah. Oh, who is that? Is that me? Oh shit. Oh, NG. All right. So unprofesh. So, there you go. There you go. There you go. Settle in. Nice. That was good work. Thank you. Esther speaks fluent English, fluent Cantonese, fluent Japanese, and just a little bit of Korean and a couple other languages. Enough. Enough. There were some Korean girls that were taking the ferry over and one of our cameramen, Ryan, had a birthday that day. It was his birthday. And then you take it from there. What happened? Well, we wanted these girls to kiss Ryan.

And birthday kiss. We didn't know how to do that. So I was, I had their attention. I was kissing Ryan on the cheek, trying to say, now your turn, gesturing with my hands. Now you do it. And they were like, Tee hee hee, we cannot. No, no, no. Okay. It was very like, I cannot do this. They're very shy. They're, yeah. Oh, I kind of bereave it. So Esther came over and she goes, Hey, do you know how you say that is bubuay jeseo? Can I have a kiss? Yeah. So I kissed Ryan again. I was like bubuay jeseo and pointed to Ryan. And they're like, Hey, no, no, no, thank you. And then so then I wondered, Ryan had a beard and I wondered if that might be the problem. So I presented my smooth asshole. And I said, bubuay jeseo mabijo, which sounds to me like that could be part of

the language. Mabijo sounds like it could be. It's shut them down. All of their smiles and joy and expectations of the day went right down the tube. They immediately turn around and drop their heads. And we're like, in shame, like, not only that, but Esther had talked them into signing the release for the documentary that we were filming. And then after that, they said, no, they gave them back without signing. Well, yeah. Really? No, you shamed them. They're going to get camed. So that's out. That sucks. That was so funny. Maybe they could just blur out the pixelate the faces. Yeah. Now when you say you showed them your clean a-hole. Not really. Okay. Not really. Nobody got up on the seat and lifted his leg and then gestured. The best part was that he didn't just point at his butt

cheek. He gestured to be spreading the cheeks. That's the best part. So it was really for the inside. What's going on in that hole right there? It's a real distinction. I don't work out a lot. So there's going to be some shifting and moving to get to mabijo to bubuay jeseo. It's really nice. Yeah, but they turned it down. They did. They did not. They definitely turned it down. But it did become the theme of the day. There's a video online that made me laugh so hard after I ate a pile of shit. He's exaggerating. Not even close. I played piano and then he started singing Tom, started singing bubuay jeseo mabijo and then Pete Lee comes in like a goddamn angel and sings the words my asshole. Yeah. I'd like to see this video. Yeah, we saw it on Facebook at

least. I don't know if it's on YouTube or anything. Now also Chad, you were witness to my husband's five powerful bowel movements on an airplane? I was witness to him exiting the bathroom five times. Was that embarrassing for you too, kind of? Not really. The first time he came out, I thought that he had been invited up into the cockpit because he'd been gone so long. I thought he was maybe flying the plane. Sure. Oh, damn. When he came out, I just gave him a look like, okay. Yeah, he did. We had just met five minutes prior and I walked out. First of all, no, we had met 45 minutes prior because you were in the bathroom for about that long. Wow. Okay. I walked out and then when I walked back to my seat,

I see Chad like, you all right? I go, yeah. I'd let him know that there's more coming, you know? So I was saying, let's give it a few minutes. But it is kind of a nice introduction for you, Chad, to my husband at that point because that's really who he is. My essence? He keeps a 100. Yeah, it's who I am. I agree. I appreciate you letting me get to know you on such an intimate level so immediately. Then when we did our all-nighter on the way back, which was ended up being the most difficult morning of my life when we got to Hong Kong airport and I was like, I think I'm going to die and I was sweating so much. Yeah, it was off. And I was broken down and the hardest thing was lugging stuff. But pulling the luggage, hadn't slept, hung over,

sweating, hungry, and not being able to find the check-in terminal like I couldn't find where, and we went to the wrong terminal at first. Oh man, that was the longest morning of my life. But we ended up going, we had just enough time to go to the lounge and dump and shower. Thank God for that though. Greatest shower of my life still. I think about showers like the best one ever is Hong Kong airport. And then had just a bite to eat and boarded that plane. I boarded my plane in my pajama shorts with my balls hanging out of the bottom of them. That's how I flew back here. And then he got off that plane in Delta slippers and walked around the airport in the Delta slippers. Now, my favorite thing to watch used to be women that don't normally wear heels,

walking in heels. I could do it 24 hours a day. My new favorite thing is watching Tom try to pull a suitcase onto an escalator without the whole fucking world coming to them. Oh my God, there were a couple of times. It really amused him. Oh my God, it was trouble. It was trouble. Because here's what I was trying to do. The backpack, which I have so much, it's that big like jujitsu. He has control. Yeah, he takes a lot. So I brought a lot and then it had more than usual. So it's Datsura. That's the company. And then I stuffed it. It must have weighed 60 pounds. It was like a fucking Marine Corps backpack with the gear to hump it out in the wilderness for a few weeks. So when I was done, I couldn't take it anymore,

what I did was I took it off and I just put it on my four-wheeler. Well, that four-wheeler, instead of just flowing, the weight now is being pushed around by the backpack. So when I would try to wheel the four-wheel carry-on with the backpack on it, as soon as I get on the escalator, it would fall one way. It was too much weight to fall on. But I wouldn't, it was still easier than wearing it at the time. It was just too beat down. Every time I pulled it on to the escalator, I would have to like scramble to make it stand up. And he'd be like, you're right. Are you okay with that back? You got that back? You okay? I was just waiting for a sprained ankle or broken Wow, he likes you. Theo's here. Geez, Theo. Give away your love like that to anybody.

Yeah, that's a bitch. Yeah, so I definitely, but overall in Asia, were your shits out of control? No, I think they were fine. They were fine? Yeah, I just, I kind of, I got to feed him real quick. You got to feed him? I can hear him. Okay. I'll be right back guys. You continue this talk. I'll be I food in my pockets. That's probably why your dog likes me. Yeah. Oh, I know my shits were good. They were good. I mean, for someone who just couldn't sleep and then swallowed a bunch of contaminated rainwater and was drinking 12 lattes a day, I think my shit was normal. Dude, it really, the only part that sucks about that trip really is that is not long enough to adjust to being that far away. No way because it's complete opposite. I mean, you're looking at

five in the afternoon to five in the morning. Yeah. And you're just up. At least I was. Yeah, but it was it was rough. You signed my bang and tie. Big time. What? How many hookers did my husband sleep with? Chad, like ballpark? We didn't sleep with any of them. Oh, if we're being technical, let's, sorry, the distinction. I used to have a girlfriend that was that technical. What a dick. Yeah. The worst person. The worst. Is she a lawyer or something? Just an asshole. Yeah. There you go. Did she have sex with lots of dudes? Is that what happened? I don't know. But not sleep with them? Yeah, one of those things. Everything was technical. Everything was, you know, just a loophole. A loophole. Yeah. What are you, the law?

Well, we have, I haven't even had a chance to watch this, but this came in and I thought, what could be more appropriate considering one of the big clips that came in about a week or two ago than this? So let's give this a listen just to see what you think. Okay. All right. Sure. Amanda Grace's life was being ruined by a rare medical condition. We saw her uncontrollably orgasm up to 50 times a day. Can you believe it? A woman now is having 50 orgasms a day. I can believe it. I'm so excited. 50 a day and then just a week ago. Father of two, Dale Decker suffers from a rare and seemingly incurable condition. Shouldn't they get together though? I think they should. I think, hey, just quick question,

how many times did you orgasm your dad's funeral? Jesus. Probably inside the body. Let me ask this. Inside the body or just like it with other people? Just other people around. Is your father still alive? No one knows. No. This is what we see. So here's the thing. No one knows. He took off. No one really knows what happened. Last check that cleared was for a methadone clinic. So my sister and I decided, instead of saying guessing where he's at, we just pinky swore that he was dead now. And so that's what we tell people because no one ever has a follow-up question. That's a good point. That's a good one. If he were alive and you knew,

he's having a funeral, would you go to it? No. No? Do you think if... That seemed like a trick question. Well, I was actually going to say, I'm sorry, if you had a funeral and you did go to it, do you think you would orgasm over and over? Here, this will make more sense. When you're on your knees at your father's funeral at his casket and you're saying goodbye to him and then you have nine orgasms right there while your whole family is standing behind you. This makes you never want to have another orgasm as long as you live. You know what? Just keep on coming. The only family member that can make me have an orgasm while standing behind me is my uncle. And that's just been like from childhood.

But no big deal. It is pretty remarkable though, right? I just picture somebody at a funeral of their father just coming over and over nine times as they're saying goodbye. You know how some people stick a letter in their suit? This is for you, Dad. He just fucking money shot him all over his face. Dad, just on your way to heaven. Remember this. Speaking of, on Instagram, it's Danielson created an artistic interpretation of this very moment. If you want to check out my Instagram, it's Christina P.A.Z. I've posted. Oh, can you show Chad? Yeah. It's Danielson, ITZ Danielson made this piece of art. If you could describe it to the listeners, that would be really neat.

I'd love to. It's a closed casket. Something must have happened pretty bad with Dad. He either got shot in the face or something. But there's a man in a suit. His left hand is on the casket. It appears he's bracing himself so he doesn't fall. His other hand is out of the picture because he's the caskets in front of him in this picture. And he must be trying to hold his boner against his leg. And then it says goodbye, Dad. Oh, oh, oh, Dad. Bye, Dad. Oh, God. Yes, that's exactly what it says. And then there seems to be some spilled milk. Or he came on the casket. I think that's what happened. Okay, one of those two things.

Oh, wait, wait, wait. What if his dad just loved milk and cookies and he was pouring one out for just for all the homies out there? Milk and cookies. I want to hear a little bit of Amanda's story. Do you mind? I'd like, I'd love to. I mean, she has 50 a day. Oh, shit. Well, this guy had a hundred. You know who Amanda looks just like? Somebody used to work with professionally. Me? Yeah. I'm just saying she looks a lot like her. Like a comedian? No, no. Somebody used to work with like that was on the other side of the business. Okay. Now the 24 year old is turning her life around after finding love and medical help to tackle her condition. But as part of her treatment, Amanda has been banned from having sex, testing

her new relationship. Amanda. A year ago, Amanda's life was very different, leaving it the mercy of her condition. PGAD stands for persistent gentle arousal disorder. What about PSAS? That was persistent sexual arousal situation. What about TIFA? This is fucking awesome. What about that? I agree. Thank you. Yeah. Pretty much what it is, is meaning the genital area is constantly in a state of arousal. And it's something that I've been living with since I was about six years old. While seeking a cure. Amanda met boyfriend. Wait, living with that's it. We keep talking about, are you, I mean, you're not just an adult man with a brain, you have children. If your children were like, this is happening,

wouldn't you be like, one of the things we're going to do this year is see a doctor? Like when they're like, I've had this since I was six. Absolutely. Then a director. Because you're going to go to college. Because your pussy is awesome. We actually, we know somebody who had the PSAS. Give me my reward. I want to see all the come on my face. I can lick it up. Oh, yeah. It's a, it's a comfreakler. Uh-huh. Chad gets it. I got, I was best picturing it. She's such a voracious eater. I need some more. I don't get how she's talking with her mouth is full of foam. Yeah. This seems fake.

Can we get back to the real videos? This one seems fake. Okay. Thank you. I like Chad's detective work on these. He put it together. That was made up. Yeah. Like the CSI of porno clothes. I really like that. Yeah. Stuart on a dating website and the pair fell in love. And when we met in person, it was love at first sight, I guess you could say. Shut up. Oh my God. It was difficult at first to come out about my disorder with him. I didn't know exactly when with the right time was going to be to do that. How about after Amanda's story, a paid dual life of the world. So furious.

Just how upset are you? I'm just like, it was so difficult to tell him that he was going to look like a fucking stud. Every time he looked at me, I came. Come on. Every guy wants that. From sure. Now, if your daughter had this at the age of six, would you leave the state of Wisconsin to go look? He doesn't live in Wisconsin. Let's say you live in Wisconsin. I would fucking leave the state of Wisconsin. I know that. Would you? My Dan Soder all of a sudden doesn't like Wisconsin. Geez, that's her. Yeah. Damn. How many people jerked off to this documentary? A few million have watched this one. Here's the thing. Over double the amount that watched

the 100 orgasm man that watched the 50 orgasm girl. Why does it sound so much better when a woman does? The guys are like... It doesn't sound appealing at all. It sounds like he's trying to stop his orgasm by using a cheese grater on his dick. Where's my daddy? She makes it alluring. Let's see. The guys are sound different. Oh, my gosh. Oh, man. Oh, my gosh. Let's keep this porn Christian, could we? I'd hate to use the Lord's name in vain while I'm getting this dicks up. What? Oh, my God. Where'd she go? The girl? Yeah, she just went away. I'm trying to figure it out.

50 orgasms? Yeah, 50 orgasms. Yeah, you'd figure. I mean, you would go to specialists, right? I would go to specialists. I'd get this resolved. Of course. Yeah, 50 is too many. Yeah, it's debilitating, I'm sure. Like, I have a bad hip and I've osteoarthritis in my hip. Do you really? And this doctor, he said, we can't do a hip scope, but once it starts affecting your life, then you need to just get a new hip. And so I would think it would be the same advice. How old are you now? 65? 51. 51 years young. Jesus. You got the whole guy problems on. Oh, my God. I almost fucking clubbed a lady in Macau. This guy goes,

he goes, so how old are you? And I go, listen, man, you won't even get it within six years. I look tons older than I am. And he goes, 45. And I go, see, you're six years off. And the lady goes, 51. I get it. And then the flight attendant also thought when we landed. Yeah, he was just such a good actor. I'm surprised he's not acting. Do you know how this is how it went? Tell her exactly how it went. You were asleep, and you had just woken up. And he goes, hey, welcome to Seattle. Glad you got some sleep. You look 51. Like very just no pause. I told him to say it. Oh, really? It's weird. It's not like you, Tom, to make other people feel. No, he said, I have pictures of him. Because they know your

name, right? They know your name in first. So we use our miles for first. So that he goes, oh, you got some sleep, Chad. Welcome to Seattle. You like some chocolate? Are you 51? So then this girl keeps coming. Robert Eckenberg, a specialist in chronic pelvic pain. Hi, Dr. Eckenberg. How are you? Good afternoon. How are you doing? In an effort to cure Amanda, Dr. Eckenberg has recommended she abstain from sexual contact while her treatment runs its course. We have to still be very careful. I'll keep you from coming. You do need to avoid sexual contact until all of these things are kind of better under control for a longer period of time. Fortunately for Amanda, Stuart is fully prepared to support her.

Disagree. I did too. If you're coming, you should have sex so it feels normal, right? If my arm is burning, I'd like there to be a fire underneath it so it makes sense to my brain. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I need things to make sense. Which Braxton do you feel like today, by the way? Tony. You feel like Tony? Oh, wow. Because like you must feel like I've been there and I've done that and I'm in control and I'm going to live my day brighter and I'm not going to listen to any of the nonsense. He's a diva today. You're a star. I didn't hear Tony. It's good. We play which Braxton are you today and then we just kind of talk about how we're feeling that day. Who are you feeling like right now? I kind of feel like

Tawanda. Oh, kind of Tawanda. I might just kind of feel like, I mean, maybe you could pay a little more attention to me. I don't want to fall, you know, like just all to the side and but like, I miss my kids. That's funny. I feel like Mrs. E, like the mom. Yeah. I feel like you two are like my children. Really? I think you guys today. I could see that. I could see that. Yeah. Kind of an older sassy lady. Okay. I mean, I feel like Tony gets all the attention. Tony does. That's why I have to love all my Braxton girls equally. That's what pisses me off more than anything. Yeah. I'm the one bringing money into this family. Right. But Alexa attention wouldn't get any money. And you feel like, you know, Tony, you guys got this show. Who do you think

people are watching this show? Why do you think you got this show? It didn't for you guys. I'm the one that got this show. That's what you feel like. Yeah. I feel that I understand what you're saying. I really do. We are not like an ordinary family. Is that how they say it? Is that right? We are. We are not like an ordinary family. That's her. Tony Braxton. That was me when I was crying when my fiance died in a motorcycle accident in that video. Now, God damn it. Do you think I wanted that attention? You think that's the attention I was looking for? Sorry, Tony. Don't break my foot. What about, that's her damn. Yeah. So she can't even have like a normal day job.

Yeah. I don't think so. She's gonna do that in the office. You cannot walk around the office like that. Distracting. That's crazy to walk around the office like that. I might just get an office. You can't. That's so weird. You cannot do that in the office. As far as the sex ban goes from her doctor, it was kind of hard to cope with. Yeah, was it? Then I mean, I realize it's important to her health. How old is this kid? So I've been able to abstain as well as her. Yeah. No, you haven't. Every time she starts coming, you run to a room and jerk off. Of course you do. Don't even start with me. That's what he's thinking. He wants that vegan vagina. By the way, we haven't talked about this in a while, but I figured I'd bring it up

while Chad is here. Chad, have you ever been with a lady that orgasmed that way? I'd rather not talk about it. Okay. Oh yeah, here we go. Why are you bringing this up? I hate this song. UB 51? I hate this song. I'm taking my headphones off. Wait, wait, wait. I want it. All right, cool. I'm just gonna listen. How do you not like when Simply Red decided to do reggae? This is the worst. This is UB 40. I know. This is the worst song on the planet. Do you hate the song? I don't. Thank you. What? She hates the song. Who's better? UB 40 or the Beatles? Of course, UB 40. What's wrong with that? That seems like a trick question. Yeah.

So today, our listeners know how much Christina hates UB 40 and Red Red Wine. So they came in today with an email about some little known facts about the song. Some details. So here we go. First written and recorded by Neil Diamond. It appeared on his 1967 album. Still hate it. Just for you. And it peaked at number 62, three-week run. Let's see. So they recorded this as a cover of the Tony Tribe 1969 reggae version. Thank you. Which reached number 46 in the UK charts. They did not realize until after it topped the charts that Neil Diamond wrote and recorded originally. The lead singer recalls that he said, the funny thing about the song is we only knew it as a reggae song. We had no idea that Neil Diamond wrote it. Another member confirmed,

even when we saw the writing credit which said N Diamond, we thought it was a Jamaican artist called like Negus Diamond or something. Or like Decker Diamond or whatever. Hold on. Negus? Uh-oh. From Jamaica? Negus. Cracklin Rose, Red Red Wine. Negus? Negus. God blesses a nigga. Okay. You know what though? Yeah, he does. He sure does. No, he doesn't. God would never use the N word. He should. Did you get permission from Cat Williams to use it special? That's his closing bit. This is something that actually was interesting. I thought like how this song became a hit for

you before. It wasn't that original release. It was reissued after a DJ at KZZP in Phoenix, Arizona included the song on his would have been, should have been feature. There was such a positive response that he urged the record company to reissue the single and within weeks the song climbed the top of the charts. UB40 reached number 34 in the U.S. in 84 when it was originally released, but in 88 when it was re-released, it went to number one. I'm so happy. Thank you to that Phoenix DJ for ruining my life. And thank you to whoever sent in one of the great songs of all time. Don't you love it? It sounds just like Negus. It's like Negus Diamond wrote this. I hate it so much. I hate it so much.

You know what part I hate the most? What part do you hate? Where they break it down real reggae style. Oh yeah. Is it coming up? Yes. Yes. I hate it. I hate it. All of the time. You know what I hate the most? The part I hate most? The ending. I just want to keep going. It's so good. It's what I'm talking about. It's such a good song. It's like fake. It's such fake reggae. It's just nerdy white guys. Having fun. Stealing from the black man once a day. They actually played the song in my dad's funeral. I came three times during the song. During the bridge alone. I think it's a good song. I hate everything about this. You're sitting somewhere having a glass of wine.

I'll punch myself in the face. Really? You can't relax to that? Nope. I totally don't like it. I feel like they're stealing from the black man. Yes, I know it's stealing originally from Neil Diamond, but I just feel like it's white people co-opting something good and suckifying it, but really a lot. And then having the fake reggae breakdown part even infuriates me. Well, how about a different song then? Yes. Now this is a song chat. Butthole. Butthole. Butthole. But wait. Just say Oma. Butthole.

Why do my ice cubes smell like a butthole? The smell. The smell. The smell. It was like really powerful. Butthole. Butthole. Butthole. 90% of the time it's something that's actually kept in the freezer that's gone bad. Butthole. Butthole. But boy, just say Oma. Butthole. Butthole. But we don't eat anything that smells like buttholes. That last part is so Tommy. Is that a song more to your liking? No. Listen, Chad Daniels, what's the song that makes you see red? Like when you hear it? You just fucking annoys you and it can't rationalize it. It just does.

I don't think there is one. No, everybody has a trigger song. Like you hear it and you have to turn it off. Chombu Wamba. Fucking. That's a pretty good song. You like it? Absolutely. So good. I just, I don't know why, but I feel like bowing right now. Tom, what's your trigger song? I guess anything by the Beatles. Okay. Who do you think is a better band? Biggie Smalls? That's not the way we ask the question. It's a very simple question. You don't say who's a better band. Who's a better band? Here's the question. Okay. This is the question.

If you had a gathering of all your favorite people in the world, your best friends, whoever you want to invite. We're all right here. It's Chad's throw down party. Drinks are flowing. You're in the best mood. It's a great night. You have the choice to have, on that stage, is set up beautifully for you. One of these two can entertain for your party. The Beatles or Biggie Smalls, and they play all the hits from each of their catalogs. Who would you choose? Don't look at me. I don't want to lead the witness here. Well, hold on. Do whatever you want. There's no wrong answer. There's an empirically incorrect answer. I will tell you. I will ask you this.

Original members? They're all alive. Everyone's alive? Everyone's alive. Yeah. I go Beatles. There you go. There you go. There's nothing wrong with it. Well, there can't be. I mean, yeah. I just said that I wouldn't because I just, you know, what doesn't mean as much to me. I grew up listening to that life. You're 51. I'd sit in my car seat. I'd sit in my car seat and have big headphones on. You saw them live. No, I know. But then I listened to them in my car seat. Okay. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Thank you, Chad. The overwhelming response has been Biggie Smalls, which I think is ludicrous. Well, listen, before I came on my dad at his funeral,

he played in a band that covered a lot of Beatles. And so this was before, right? Before you came on him. Yes, this is way before, well before. Yeah. Okay. I understand. Oh, man. That's, they'll just break your heart? No, not at all. Because I was going to say, unbreakable. Oh, Tony. Don't put that down loud. Don't put that down loud. Oh, shit. Did that go on there? Okay. Trying to figure it out. Okay. Here we go. I ruined this whole podcast when I sat down. Somebody threw in this other wood you rather, which I figure I could bring up right now.

Okay. Leigh Ann sent in, would you rather have unlimited sex for a week with the person of your choice and die right afterwards? Oh boy. And you can pick different people. Okay. Does that mean throughout the week? I think so. Unlimited sex with whomever. Yeah. For one whole week. And you choose. But you die. But you die. Or you get $20 billion, but are forbidden to have sex or masturbate for the rest of your life? I know what I pick. What do you pick? The money. Obviously, I'm a woman. You know, we're sensible. You guys are like, oh, my boners, like my balls are full. I got to think with my cock. I'll take the money too. Yeah. For real though? Would you, would you, at that point, go to Washington and I would lobby them to change the rule. I'd still have 10 billion

and I'm fucking whoever I want. You can have no external emissions. That's against the rules. I don't know. I think you can lobby as long as you want. You'd say like, can you please change this? Would you rather that was read on your mom's house podcast? Please. Did you guys not hear about this? I have $20 billion. I can't trick off. I want to have sex. Please. Help me. I'm going to do a funeral. Dad, I need to be able to ejaculate. I haven't not come at a funeral in the years to be the first funeral I don't come at if you don't change this rule. You know, I'm scared to say this my whole family's dead. I'm going to come. I would absolutely have the sex for one week. You changed and die. No, I would. That's my answer from the beginning. Oh, really? I just want to

see if I could throw the lobbying in and you guys would take it. But also we're going back to the sex. There's some resistance. Why would you take us through your thinking? Why, why the sex as opposed to the money? Just because it doesn't seem like it's 20 billion with not fun. I mean, you want $20 billion so you can have sex. Yeah, lots of people stuff in five sections. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good time. Well, let's ask you the like, oh, I should answer too. Yeah, I am. He's not going to say the real answer because his wife's here. Who me? Okay. Am I going to say the real answer? He's not going to say the real answer not because you're here because I pick the Beatles. So that's true. Yeah, against me no matter what. No. Yeah, of course I would choose sexual whoever

so I can die right away at the end of the week. I want to be dead. I want to be dead every day. Is that not the greatest suicide ever? That's the point I was making. Yeah. Yeah. Great question. Thank you, Leanne. And I can't wait to be dead soon. I hope this is really exciting. I hope it happens real soon. So now let's take you to a would you rather classic Chad? And this is really to get the understanding what type of person we're dealing with here. This is one of the OG questions. Can I ask you one? Absolutely, you can ask us one and we'll give you a little something to get you going. Okay. That's the theme song of would you rather. So Okay, go ahead. Would you rather have a suicide pact with me this week or not have one?

Excellent. Well, here's why it's a great question. Stakes are high on both sides. I would rather let's do it. Okay. Christina, you guys are in suicide pact. Awesome. Just started. We just signed it. Are you joining in? No, I'm out. Hello. It's a packed group thing. All right. Sorry. Yes, I agree. How do we get to kill ourselves? Oh, yeah, it's however I don't care. I don't care about that. Can I can I suggest something? Yeah, we because you know I like helicopters. Yeah. Charter. We take a flight around in a helicopter. See a bunch of beautiful things. And then we have them go up as high as they'll probably go, which maybe is like, I don't know, not much more than 1500 2000 feet. And we jump out from there into the ocean from that height.

It's like hitting concrete. And can we dress like Magnum PI? Yeah, when we're going around. Okay, for sure. I'm into that. You like it? Yeah. Jump. Now, you know, wait, can I take a bunch of drugs beforehand? Of course. That's the whole point. It's like our last trip ever. Yeah, you shoot up, you take pills. Yeah. Yeah. There's people listening, thinking, Oh, they're making fun of suicide. And that's a real problem. I'm not making fun of it. No, I'm ready to jump out of a helicopter right now. You want to do it? I jumped out of an airplane a couple of weeks ago. A couple of weeks ago. Yeah. Where in, uh, in somewhere. Okay. And, uh, you're supposed to go but like reach behind the guy that you're attached to pull this tennis ball.

So the shoot opens. And then I just didn't do it. You didn't. And then he finally was like, giving me the signal to do it and really aggressively. And then finally had to do it himself. Cause I'm like, let's do it. Let's see. Wow. Let's see what happened. You ready? Yeah. You look like Richard gear and you would give that up. Yeah. I know. No. It's tough. You think it's easy being the most handsome person in the earth? It's not. You are the Richard gear of comedy. It's not the best part of this trip was, uh, one of the things was, um, you know, I complimented him on being a handsome guy and then other people did and one woman did after a show. She's like, you're very handsome. And he goes, okay. And he

just shoved her over to me like, continue your thing that you had going. I had never met the woman. I had never spoken to her. So he was like, like, here's the one that you tried to get to say it to me. And I had never spoken to her. Shut it down. Couldn't believe that somebody would be attracted to him. Well, not this. Like I come to LA. I just not, uh, good looking. Then you go, but I'm from Northern Minnesota, where I have to ask ladies to stop rubbing their vaginas on. Yes. It's a weird dynamic. I'd never been to Hong Kong. I didn't know if it was going to be the LA or the Fergus Falls of Asia. So I just assumed you were fucking with me. See? So handsome. You're a solid LA number. You're good. It's tough. You can be in the ranks here. Yeah,

man. I mean, I walk around and it's like, they're like Tom Barringer. Oh my God. That's so funny. Looks like Tom Barringer a little, right? Which one's Tom Barringer? You see, you haven't heard, he, I told him a story when I was much younger and had curlier hair and thinner. I was driving forever and ever to Missouri to get to this gig and I stopped at a gas station and it must have just been the way I looked that day. Cause this lady goes, you know, he kind of looked like the catcher for major league. Oh, that guy. I'm like, oh, okay. Then another one. Same thing. Catcher for major league. And then not the third one, but the fourth one. A lady goes, you know, he looked like like shot up the catcher for major league. And she goes,

no, the principle and I go, oh my God. Oh, oh, this guy. He's kind of a bloated mess, huh? Now. Hey, listen, now, not before. Well, both were aging together in the same direction. Yeah, I could see a little bit in the mouth, little pouty mouth. No powder. Yeah. Maybe in his prime. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Nose, same pouty mouth, shape of your eyes. Absolutely. But now he's just bloated carcass. He looks terrible. Jesus Christ. You're describing Tom Bairinger, right? You're having, so you're having sex with whoever you want. You are, you have a suicide pass. Now it's time for the classic. Would you rather? No, timeless classic. The timeless classic. This establishes, I probably should have shown you. Yeah. But I mean, like, right. You sent me one

picture where it was from. What's the movie with the dreams? Inception? Yeah. I mean, this guy right here. This is a good looking man. Back in his prime, he looked fantastic. Yeah. But he's a real, I think he's a boozebag, huh? Yeah, he hits it. Life is long. What does he have? I said, who's not? Oh, who's not? I thought you said, no, he's not like he has his kidneys have shut down. So, okay. Oh, would you rather classic? This is, this lets us know, you know, who you are. It's Christmas morning. Okay. The whole family's there. Everybody. Okay. Okay. Grandma. Yeah. The kids, cousins, aunts and uncles, everyone's there. You're about to open presents. Like, can we open presents? You go, yes, in a minute. First, everybody in here and they all gather

in the living room and you put a DVD in and you press play. Now, would you rather, Christina, see what? Okay, so here's your two options for the DVD, your entire family watches, Christmas morning. It's either A, you masturbating to completion. Then you say, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Or, now I forget for the guys. It's women. 10 homeless women squirt. Yeah, they masturbate and squirt on your face. Yeah. You're kneeled and they're in a circle around you and they all masturbate and they squirt in your face, right? So your mouth is just open and they're just unloading. They got juice shooting all over you. And then, at the end of that, all 10 you go, Merry Christmas. Which, which do you choose?

And take us why you choose it. I choose the suicide pact. That's a tough one, right? It's a good one. I have a, I have a 10 year old daughter. Right. So, so, which would you rather her see? Yeah. 10 homeless women masturbating in your face? I think so. I think it would have to be that one because I'm responsible for masturbating, grabbing my own dick and doing it. I could be, I could tell her I was held hostage. There you go. This is interesting. I could tell her several different things where, because I'm not in control of that situation. I'm just, I'm just the pivot man in the circle. There you go. I guess it's not a circle jerk. I understand that.

Okay. That's, that's reasonable, logical to me. See, and you're the first person to, I believe, articulate that conundrum properly being, it's, it's a, it's a responsibility issue. Now I, I chose the opposite. I mean, Christina was with you. Yeah, I'm full of shame and guilt. So, I go with Chad. In that case, you said that now it's, it's on those guys for masturbating on to you. Right. It's not my fault. I was just there at wrong place at the wrong time. But let me tell you a very easy, easy change for me to go the other way is I don't have a little girl. I just have a 15 year old son. I'd be rocking it and just be like, this is how you do it, boy. Watch me. This is your only gift. You put your thumb over the hole and wait. Merry Christmas.

So that's what the little girl changes the whole dynamic. Sure. Yeah. I mean, if she was 18, you probably be like, yeah, let her take a look. So young. Yeah, I just, I don't want her to see me masturbating again. Yeah. Again. Yeah. Has she ever walked in on you? Is that a tough one with kids? We don't know. We don't have kids. No. I mean, they have to go to school and yeah, just have to be, you have to just plan it out basically. Or you could just buy a lock for your door, you know? Yeah, I suppose. Who does that? But then all of a sudden, the little girl knuckles wrapping on the door.

Dad, click, click with the doorknob. Yeah. What are you guys doing? Fuck. What are you guys doing? I thought I was masturbating with your friend, with your guy friend. Oh yeah. I mean, of course, you and your buddies playing ping pong in the bathroom. Yeah. Quiet. It's a new, new game. It's tub, tub ping pong. Oh, shit. We have some Jesus. Dental updates. We have one from Leanne that came in that suddenly sent the budgie rather. She said, the greatest thing in the world to me is going to the dentist.

Oh, I love it. She says, sounds crazy, right? I guess it's safe to say I have a dental fetish or something. That's right. I love oral. I'm talking about the whole gag me until my eyes start crying. Try it, Christina. That's what she writes. Jesus Christ. When I go for the, for a checkup, I get excited for the mouth prop. I like to make sure I have an attractive dentist or assistant. I have added something similar to my treasure chest for bedroom fun. I searched for months on medical supply website when all I needed to do is search a BDSM site. The selection was amazing. I just got listening, done listening to the live show in San Francisco. I wanted to share this dental, dental kinky fetish. I know it's not adult baby diaper

or anal jelly beans, but it's my thing, one of my many 50 shades. All right. Good for you. Good for you girl at Chad Daniels 34 on Twitter. Oh boy. And then we have one from, I think it's Jody working in the dental field for 10 years now. Also been doing stand up for a while. I started as a dental assistant. I'm now at lab tech, which means I make dentures for a living. Glad to hear you guys are flossing with this, this looking, let's see it. We got this crazy looking case recently. It's called a palatial, no, a palatal Tori, which is just a weird bony growth that happens in a lot of mouths and doesn't hurt the patient. This one happens to be huge. So this 22 year old assistant tries to

be all talking like Rosie Perez sees this model and bugs out thinking it's a tumor. I felt it was my duty to let her know the weird lump wasn't a tumor, but was in fact the result of too much fallatio. I went on to explain that this patient had sucked so many dicks that the banging of the head of the penis had worn the bone on the roof of her mouth thin and the constant sucking had pulled some of her brain tissue through the hole. She believed me, which brought me great joy, especially when I found out this patient was an 81 year old woman who spoke very little English. I could only imagine the expression on the assistant's face the next time this patient came in. What can I say? It's the little things that make life grand. It is fun to make up stories.

Definitely fun. Hey, Billy, I want to scroll, Billy. Give me a glass of water. Now, really good. What's up you? Wait, are you Puerto Rican? I'm actually Rosie Perez. You're Rosie Perez? Will you tell us what's going on with your teeth? What is your dental situation like? Okay. Interesting you asked. You know, when you're Puerto Rican, you're just Puerto Rican. Okay. Let's see these smile ones. Let me see. Those are good. Those look nice. Yeah, those are good. You have nice teeth. Never had braces. Never had glasses. Wow. You don't wear glasses now? Nope. To read? I know, at 51, not bad. Genetic jackpot, you might think, hip issue. They would have shot me in the back of the head if I was a dog. My teeth are great. I grind them

at night. Do you wear a guard? I do now. I just had it made. It's fun. It's the worst. I didn't sleep the whole first night because it felt weird. I sleep with one. I sleep with a snore guard. And it's, yeah, I'm so used to it now, though, that if I leave it out, I start to feel weird. I feel like I have a homeless mouth. I'm like, I'm not used to sleeping without the garden now. I wish you guys could have seen that. That's weird. I know, huh? It's like, it looks like patch Adams and kind of homeless. The patch Adams thing, stop it. I just like it. He was a really good friend of Robin Williams. Rest in peace. He was, Chad was. They were really tight. Maybe he could come in his. Oh my God. Jesus. It's a little soon for that.

Really disappointed. I thought we were here to have fun. So you do you floss? Yeah, do you floss? I don't. I use some kind of, hold on. Listen, please. Okay. I use a sonic care toothbrush. Okay. And every time I go and they do the black scrape, they say, they think I floss. So I just use it. It's not the same, but okay. Do you do teeth whitening? No trays, nothing. Yeah, really nice teeth, man. It uses. Is someone going to come in here and tell me I have a handsome tooth? Does he not have nice teeth? Very nice teeth, especially no braces, no whitening. You know, when you get all defensive like that, I'm just like, I feel like you got all, you got all Tamar on me when you did that,

you know, you're like, whatever, don't throw shade. Yeah, you were kind of Tamar either. Sorry about that, you guys. It's all right. I'm not really, but there's 10 days of jet lag and random people coming up to me to tell me I'm handsome because of him. It's not true. This nice teeth bullshit. Come on, man. Come on. This story came in today that a man had been pooping wrong his entire life. Did you hear about this? No, I'm very curious, this story was online. People sent it to us. The man, let's see, I guess was on Reddit, shared the story that he was completely embarrassed that his toilet was broken. So he went shopping for a new one. The salesperson joked, no doubt for the millionth time, that I'll want one that

automatically puts the seat down after I'm finished with it. I joked back and said I didn't have a wife and I could save money and not buy one with a seat and I'd never have to hear women complain about putting it down again. To which he gave me a strange look and said, but what about when you need to poop? I naturally pointed out that I'm a guy and therefore I don't need to put the seat down. I sit on the rim of the bowl. Several embarrassing moments later, I realized that I've misunderstood my entire life and the guys do indeed use the seat. I left empty-handed and red-faced. Thinking about it now, it makes sense, especially how men's restrooms have seats. I always assumed it was just a unisex cost-saving oversight deal. Is he that's real? I don't know, could be.

So that guy told that boring ass story and didn't put in the fucking three embarrassing moments that we could have laughed at. Which would be? I don't have, probably he fell in one time. Maybe he just, that just became his normal thing, right, to sit on the rim. Yeah, but what's the, what are the embarrassing moments? What are the several embarrassing moments later? Oh, right. I guess when the guy realized, people were behind him like, oh my god, this guy doesn't shit the wee wee shit. But it's so much colder on the rim. Poor guy. I just can't imagine. There's always pubes on the, on the rim, at least in our house. No, there aren't. There are not. They're not mine.

I don't like that. Not into this. Why not? It's a song. It's a song somebody made. You like music? All right, there's a little buildup for the song, but okay. Look at Reggie Watson. Lots of different sounds. First thing in the morning, what do I see? A pile of shit staring at me. I close my eyes. I step away, no matter where I go, there's no getting away.

I like it. I like that. I like this now. Now I'm in a huge, big time. Catchy. It's great. Take the poo to the loo, man. What's that guy's name? Who made this? Let's see. Presenting a, they, let's see, credit. This song has been credited created by Shree, uh, S-H-R-I, who holds compositions like the theme for the movie Life of Pi to his credit. The guy who made that made this. Wow. That's talent. Take the poo to the

loo. Yeah. Nice. Fantastic. Oh, good work. Not as good as Let Me Pooh though. I like that six-year-old girl one. Let Me Pooh. You heard that one? Oh, the Frozen. Yeah. She did a great job on that. I thought she wrote that. Yeah. I don't like typical six-year-old girl looking, uh, right into the camera, like her picture on the recording. You don't like that? No. When I talk to my daughter on FaceTime, it's always, hey, how was your day? She just looks into the, her little thing and makes faces. Yeah. Doesn't fucking listen. Doesn't know what you're doing. Geez. Don't tell me how her day is. Hey, oh, can you tell us this story? Yes. I've been wanting to ask this and I had no idea until just before we started that you said it's over now. We can ask you, will you tell

what happened with, I believe it's in Iowa? Yeah. So three summers ago. Okay. Three summers ago. Jeff Tate. Denim on Denim. Hot Dogs and Gatorade for Life. Right. We're working in Iowa. You and Jeff Tate were together. Right. Okay. The hotel is right next to a bar. The hotel's not near the club. So we don't drink there. Go to the hotel, walk to the bar. There is a bartender, two people sitting at the bar, and they are from a hockey team that the bar sponsors, right? Like a Fat Man League. And then it's karaoke night. Four people in the bar. Jeff Tate and I make it six. Sing some karaoke, have some drinks. Bar tenders having shots with the hockey people. I don't get my card after we, we're going to leave because she's closing up because it's

karaoke night and there's four people there. So I sign my slip, go to another bar where one of the hockey guys gives us a ride. It's just across the bridge. I realize I don't have my credit card. Jeff goes, well, let's call that bar. And I go, no, you know how when we come off stage and people want to tell us jokes, we're like, fuck, we're done working. That's what I felt like it was like for her. But we'll just go there tomorrow. So I wake up, we leave the bar, we wake up the next day and Capital One is calling my room and they're telling me that someone used my credit card all over town. So I go on radio and I say, Hey, just so you know, this bar that I was at, this bartender and her friends went all over town using my card, maybe cash only if you go.

So then I get sued for slander. Three years it was in court. Judge threw it out. And then they had 30 days to appeal on the 30th day they appealed. And now I guess just kind of gave up. So three days ago, I got an email from my lawyer. And he said, it's done officially. Congratulations. Thank you. That's huge. I'm very happy because I knew it was a huge stress. It was a big stress. It was just like someone poked a hole in my bank account. Yeah, right. So but the big the slander accusation was for the fact that you were like, left it there. Somebody used it. So maybe it's kind of a place when you use cash only. And that was the big like, you're essentially saying that there's thieves, right? That's what they're saying. Right. And I was very specific on what bar I'm not going

to tell you. I got it. I was very specific. You're like, this bar did this. Yeah, I said on this road, this is the name of the bartender, like all this stuff. Because the one of the guys at the bar who she was having shots with and then shots that she came to the next bar too. And so they were having shots there and actually bought Jeff and I shots, which I thought was funny because it was on my credit card. Really? Yeah. And then one of the hockey guys ended up signing it. And then one of the charges was for $400 $250 and then $20 all declined at a parking garage. And I'm like, that seems weird. But then they figured out it was a strip club. And they just put parking garage on the statement in case a spouse sees it. That's terrible. And so he tried to get $450.

It got declined then 200 or whatever. And then 20 and declined all of them because I was lucky. I had just started, I just found this credit card. I mean, it was mine, but I just found it and just brought it with me for the first time on the road to give my other credit card a little break. And that's why because I hadn't used it in so long. They were like, this seems weird. And they denied everything. Wow. Wow, man. So I'm pretty, uh, pretty excited about that. That's huge. But it's slander only if it's a lie, right? But that girl did steal your shit. Yeah. But they, they tried to say that they weren't friends. It was a business relationship because the bar sponsored the team. Did you counter sue? Is that how that goes?

You can't. You can only, um, you can only counter sue if they find the lawsuit to be, I can't think of the name right now because I'm so done with it, but, um, and in Iowa, it has to be, it has to be just really crazy that they came after you. I know they're, that's not the legal term obviously, but yeah. So I'm pretty, I'm pretty excited. I'm going to take the money I've been spending and put it in a separate account. And then, um, when I have enough, I'm going to go buy the supplies I need to make a bomb and then be like, Hey, what's up you guys? I feel like this could be a new suit. Yeah. I don't know if we should say that. What do you mean? I feel like, I feel like we could get you sued again right now. Do it. You're used to it. Yeah.

You like legal battles. I kind of do. Now, if you had like, I keep winning them. I mean, it's not done. If you had tens of like endless, let's say 20 billion, could you took this one? Would you rather, uh, option? Would you be like in lawsuits all the time? You think? Absolutely. People would be like, why do you keep coming to courts? Like, well, I'm not fucking. Right. Actually, that'd be the biggest release you got would be fucking people over. Yeah. You'd be like, I'm suing everybody for everything. It'd be fun. It'll be so great. Yeah. Actually, I wouldn't want to sue people. I would want people, I would want to do things where people sued me. Yeah, you'd be like, cool. Let's just go to court. Yeah. I don't know if you know, but 20 billion.

Yeah. I'm not settling. We're going to court. Well, that's what, that was my thing. They offered, I could have settled because I was on the same, uh, whatever. God damn it. Same document as the radio station and they had deep pockets with their insurance. So they offered me to settle to sever and I'm like, no way, man. Was that tough? That's not tough. No way, man. I like it. Like it should be a new soundbite for you guys. No way, man. No way, man. No way, man. Well, I'm glad you won. That's a real pester of a thing to go through. It is, man. Fucking unbelievable. It wasn't great. No way, man. Oh, you already did it. You already made it. Yeah. No way, man. No way, man. No way, man. So quick. No way, man. Wow,

that's good. Yeah. You want to talk some shit? No way, man. Wow. That worked well. That was really good. Yeah. You know, that's good. That's good. Um, all right, what's up? So you want guys want to get something to eat or what? I'm starving. I'm freaking out right now. I'm so hungry. You want to eat? I do. Can I tell you that my stomach is growled and my new thing, my 15-year-old son taught me, is to say that it's your dick roaring. That's fucking awesome. That's pretty great. Yeah, I like that. You hungry? Now I'm a dick just roared. Okay. That's pretty, that's great. Man, those kids, they come up with the best stuff. Kids say the darndest things. They use terrific. They really do say the darndest things.

Thanks. So should we go out on this poop on my loo? Yeah. Somebody else sent us a song by this guy called My Party. You like it? Love it. Oh, I know. I know. Okay, here we go. We'll do this. Sorry. Sorry. Just one more time. Will you tell us, everybody, where to find you? Chadwick? Yes. At Chad Daniels 34 on Twitter. Richard Geer of Comedy, Tom Baringer lookalike. Early Baringer. Handsome man, smells good, nice teeth, great comic. And if you go on YouTube, you can type in Chad Daniels as is and watch an hour special for free. It's a really good idea.

Make sure you get Chad's albums, get all his stuff, follow him on Twitter. You can see, you can get Christina's stuff. If you go to ChristinaComedy.com, follow her on Twitter at ChristinaP and make sure you go to yourmomshousepodcast.com to get tickets to the live podcast coming up, Portland, Seattle, and Chicago. And then I will be Minnesota tonight, Acme tomorrow. And then on the road, all those tickets, TomSegura.com. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you, Chad Daniels for being here. Bye, guys. After all the old ass shit. After all the old ass shit.

After all the old ass shit. The fucking ball, these shit. The cops are fucking all, man, the fucking ball, these shit. Fucking cops are fucking all. I think his fucking bottle homies are not fucking all, they always have shit. Of course, nice to show the look, man. You can have a ball head and go to the homes, have your socks pulled up, your fumbers. Of course, your shorts, your dicky shorts. It's crazy to do like this for 36. Yeah. Fucking cops are fucking all.