Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Chris Distefano Has A Pride Month Crush | Your Mom's House Ep. 765

Episode Date: June 26, 2024

Pull your jeans all the way up over your head because Tom Segura and Christina P are back for another week of Your Mom's House Podcast! We start off with a really sweet birthday shoutout for a TMY Studios staff member and immediately change the vibe with some very cool opening clips. They next discuss the trend of tattooed freckles and fake straight white teeth, before debating a question that has swept the internet, "man or bear?" Then, we welcome our guest, comedian Chris Distefano who has been doing some moving around New York recently and is still traumatized from his guest spot on YMH Live all those years back. Chris has some thoughts on straight farts, self-acceptance, and saving lives. Chris Distefano also may or may not have a little crush on an actor from the Netflix show Baby Reindeer. All that plus some TikToks! https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Your Mom’s House Ep. 765 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do you mean? God blesses- UGH UGH I HATED IT! Let's play it! I don't care, let's go! UGH UGH Woo!

Cancel! Definitely won't be selling that next hour to Netflix or Hulu. There goes my future. God. Alright, let's go. Ready in Chamesh. Abba Shalosh. Time!

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All right, we are fired up here. You're the fucking word. I swear, you drop, you say one thing 15 years ago. One thing, you know. Go for it. You're fired, bud. The cool thing about YMH is we have it all on drops. We do, we do.

Everything stupid you've ever said is a drop. It's here, it's here for everyone. Hot sauce is the best, that one. We've got every dumb thing I've said. Every dumb thing we've all ever said, not just you. No, I know, It's here. It's here for everyone. Hot sauce is the best, that one. We've got every dumb thing I've said. Every dumb thing we've all ever said, not just you. No, I know, that's true. Yeah. Yeah.

So much stupidity. Right here in one place. Yeah. Speaking of stupidity though, Heather, it's her birthday today. It's a woman's birthday. Yeah, it's a woman's birthday. I think that's what you meant.

Oh, speaking of stupids, how dare you? How dare you? Do you want to sing to her? Absolutely. Heather, for people that don't know, manages all of the social stuff here, all the social media.

She makes sure everything gets recorded, uploaded, all the different shows. She's doing all that stuff and so much more. And it's her special birthday. It's her smurf day I'm gonna sing her out. She's not even 30. Yeah, right No Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday dear Heather. Happy birthday to you. How do you get a job here, you fuckface? There you go, happy birthday Heather. That was a special version that we did just for you. She's so sweet. I really love her. It's the beginning of the end, Heather. 28 is pretty much the end of everything.

I think it's the last year you look amazing. Your last good year. Your last good year. Your 30s, you're hanging on. 40, you hit the wall. You start decomposing. This is the year to get nudes taken, I think. Most definitely.

Go from work today to get your nude photographs taken. You don't have to do it today, but at least. Right now. Sometime this, in the do it today, but at least. Right now. Sometime this, in the next few months, you should definitely do that. Have it professionally done, and you're not gonna regret it, you know? No.

You feel vulnerable, sure, but let me tell you something, when you're 45 and you're looking at those photos, you're gonna be pretty happy you took them. I will say that the one good thing of being on Road Rules when I was 21, 22, or whatever that is, is that I have a record of how great I Rules when I was 21, 22 or whatever that is, is that I have a record of how great I looked. I was so skinny.

Tits were huge. Tits were huge, tiny little twig body, stupid as shit. I mean, the stuff I was saying was so embarrassing. I was so stupid. And my hair was dumb and you know, whatever, but I looked great. You looked like one of those casting couch girls. Yeah.

About how much did I get? $100? Okay. Ha ha ha ha ha. You know what's so funny? Is now that I've been alive longer, I do see how dispensable show business is, like the people, the women especially.

They don't give a fuck about you. Like that Sydney Sweeney, she's got them big old naturals. She's got a great body. Her face is okay, she could do a little improvement, but she looks good with makeup on. No, it's true, she's gorgeous with makeup, not the makeup. I just watched a movie where she plays a serious role.

Look at her, she's stunning. But she realized she'll just be replaced by another big titted blonde in a minute. You have your minute. Yeah. You have your minute. Yeah. You have your minute. This is why it's great to have video evidence of yourself. Yes.

You know? She's got the biggest naturals. I know those are natch. God! I mean, her body is so perfect. Yeah. It'd be hard not to comment on those if you met her, I bet. Of course, I would comment on them.

You know? If you met her, you'd be like, hey comment on those if you met her, I bet. Of course, I would comment on them. If you met her, you'd be like, hey, nice to meet you. I mean, I mean. No, she's stunning. She's really beautiful. But then again, she'll just be replaced by some other big tits. It's true, you do have a shelf life in Hollywood.

And you know what the thing is, instead of getting mad about it or fighting against it, just accept it and enjoy your time there. For all of us. Enjoy your time. And I think she really is, because she's like, you guys are hating me because I have great big naturals.

Because people are shitting on her. Oh, fuck them. Fuck them. Enjoy, make your money dude, get in, get out. I feel like, can I tell you, I've told you this, it's the same thing of touring as a comedian. You have your window. It doesn't last forever.

You can do stand up forever, but it doesn't like stay what it is forever. You have a time. So just enjoy it. Enjoy your moment in the sun, my loves. And Heather, enjoy your naturals now and your body now, cause it's just gonna go downhill. And this is it, Heather.

This is the beginning of the end. This is literally it. 29, ugh. 30. the beginning of the end. This is literally it. 29, 30. Even grosser. Gross. 35 for a woman, that's last call. Oh yeah. Practically, you should just be dead.

That's when people just throw food at you. Because they think you're a junkyard dog. I think also at 28, because I think that's such a great year for women. I really liked my 28th year. That's the year you and I started banging out. Remember, babe? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

We were fuck partners. Yeah. 28 was the year I met my, well I didn't meet you at 28, but we got together, so it was a great year. I think you should start saving money at 28, if you can. Yeah, I think you should save it, sure, at any time you can. Like a, what is it, a Roth IRA?

You can start that at 18, you know? You don't need a lot to start that. Yeah. The contribution can be pretty minimal. Start saving, man. Compound interest, baby. And then also, I think 28's a great year to start thinking about quitting your vices.

That's a good one. Like, 28 I was still a pack a day smoker, and I was like, all right, when I hit 30, I'm done. So like, I think you should blow out the cocaine use and the mushrooms, the aloe, like blow it out hard. And then at 30, you gotta stop. You're gonna get it going, buddy. This is the year.

Cause no one likes a 30 year old that's like, high on coke at the party and grinding their teeth. I remember actually turning 30. I remember turning 30 and being like, oh, like for some reason, it felt like officially adulthood versus 18. You know, 18, you're legally an adult, but 30, I was like, okay,

everyone now is like, you're a grownup. You gotta start dialing in. Yeah, because 18 to 30 is just a party time. Like you should be making big mistakes. You should be doing everything wrong, figuring it out, and then by 30, you should have a kind of a You should be doing everything wrong, figuring it out. And then by 30 you should have a kind of a vision, right? Yeah.

Yeah, stop smoking and then start exercising. I made the mistake, I didn't start until I was 38, after I gained 80 pounds with our first son. And I was like, let's just start exercising. Well, it's never too late. But yeah, if you get into your 30s and you're taking care of yourself, it's a much better decade.

So much easier and then your 40s will be a lot easier in your 50s and 60s. You're not playing catch up like me. Catch up, oh yeah, me too, I'm a fucking idiot. But your 20s, your body just bounces right back. You can torture the fuck out of it, so go for it. Go for it. See all those drugs and stuff now.

So you got it, that's good advice. Yeah. Get it together. Get it together, fuckface. And take those photos, anybody in your late 20s. Take your pictures. Take the photos. You wanna see it, do your Playboy Playgirl spread. Spread your beef.

Yeah. Take a picture of your beef if you can. Yeah, it's not gonna look like that forever. Take dick pics and frame them, put them on the walls of your house All these dick pics, but it's me. It's me. Yeah, so cool well one last time what happened there? Sorry take it easy fuckhead All right real quick I

Will be June 8th in Camden in Camden 10 Missouri at the Ozarks Amphitheater. Your vagina stinks, not your blood. June 12th, Wilkes-Barre, PA at Mohegan Sun Arena at Casey Plaza. You've just ruined your life. And June 15th in Bangoranger Main at Cross Insurance Arena. So get tickets at TomSegura.com slash tour. Thank you very much, Jean. Jean, the weekend of August 16th I'm in Orlando, Florida and then Saturday September 21st I I'm in fart nicks at stand-up live Let me put my tongue in your cool. Very nice the rally improv

September 27th and 28th October 25th and 26th Washington dick come and then Boston massive huge tits November 2nd, Donia Improv, Donya Beach, Dania. Hey Christina. November 14th through 16th, the Addison Improv in Dallas. I wanna lick them droves. God damn it dude.

How do you do this to me? Okay, let's start the show. It really fucking depresses me. You wanna start the show. He really fucking depresses me. You wanna start the show? He's like a human cold sore. He just bums me out every time. Unc shine. All these guys are, what is this guy gonna tell me?

He wants to eat my asshole. No, no, no. Like my pussy. Let's start the show, let's start the show. Here we go. Here you go. As I touch the bottom of her smooth leg with my fingers and

Then go up her legs slowly slightly and gently till I reach the top and then go in a circular motion slowly slightly Where the fuck is Dan? I'm gonna be a good boy. I Tricked me yeah, you tricked me. I like this guy. Why'd you switch it on me? I like that. He tells it says these poems I think they're nice He's creative I like these I don't like these guys you know okay, I'll give you something different Maybe it's something that cleans your palate totally different. Okay Hi, I just want everybody to know I'm very proud of my niece Sarah. Oh She is really smart. Yeah And I'm very proud of her cool and she means a lot to me and I just want her to know that She is the best thing that ever happened to me and her mom

We love her. Do you think her niece Sarah's is proud of her? Well, isn't this better for you you like I love these all day Yeah, and I just hope you're having a good day and a good morning and a good afternoon Well, isn't this better for you? You like this more. I love these all day. I just hope you're having a good day and a good morning and a good afternoon. Tight framing, you like that. Tight framing is good. Oh, I like her.

I could watch these weirdos all day. Yeah. All day. This is for Sarah. Sarah. Yeah. Stupid. Just letting her know that everything's good.

Let her know. Yeah. We're proud of her. She's nice. Yeah, she hasn't figured out how this whole thing works, these videos. I know. I'm proud of Zolo.

Pretty cool. You know, I've been finding these videos of people that are getting those types of freckles tattooed onto their face. It's very smart. You should. Did you see those yet Zolo? Yeah, one of them's in the TikTok folder. Will you look at this?

You have to see this. Cause I'm like, I thought people were always trying to cover up those types of freckles. Yeah, I got them here. You wanna see? That's what makeup's for, to make you look perfect. I tattooed freckles for six hours today, which is like an ideal work day for me.

My first client came from Arizona. This is the pre draw that she approved. We did medium to heavy coverage. And here's what it looks like fresh. Yeah, it's intimidating. It's super scary at first, but it's going to heal so beautifully. Here's a close up shot of all the detail that we packed in each freckle. My next client came from Montana. This is her third time we've been layering and building coverage over time So here are the healed freckles up close and here is her touch-up fresh

She was so we started with light coverage and I would say this end result is medium to heavy Yeah old and the new is gonna blend so well together. She does use tretinoin So her freckles fade faster than usual. Oh my last client of the day. She is an LA local Look how stunning this medium great heavy coverage is on her It honestly looks like she was like meant to have them Sharded how stunning and beautiful she is I'm gonna say it again. There are many realism touch Okay, yeah, you can you tattoo birthmarks on to that would be really cool. Yeah, can you tattoo birthmarks on too? That would be really cool. Yeah, why are people doing this?

He's like, back in the day, you'd make fun of the kid that had freckles on their face. Like, what's wrong with you, dummy? It just shows you how everything changes, man. People changes. People changes and now they're trying, they're tattooing freckles on? Yeah, birth defects on your face.

Fucking crazy. Why you want fucking freckles? It looks terrible. Terrible. Terrible. I could cover everything. You're supposed want fucking freckles? It looks terrible. Terrible. Terrible. I could cover everything. You're supposed to hide and be ashamed of your imperfection.

Well to like, seek to like manufacture freckles, I mean, it's a naturally occurring thing. Just go out in the sun, dummy. Okay. Yeah, it's like people want to be different now, whereas in our generation, the whole thing was to blend and assimilate, and now they're like.

This girl had like perfectly fair skin, right? Yeah. Look, where is she? I don't know, she's tattooing like. The tail that we packed into each freckle. That lady, she probably had like the most ideal fair skin you could have. Lily complexion, yeah. Wow. Yeah, and she fucked it all up.

That's so weird. Do you guys think this is this is cute like do you know people doing this? I mean that's what I was just saying like I think it's lame as fuck But I'm mad that I feel like I I probably think it was hot if I didn't notice yeah shit That's kind of different. You know wait you but you would think that there you're like she looks cute cuz she has freckles Yeah, yeah, yeah, but like if I knew that it was fake yeah, that's lame as shit. It's not fair right Why don't you get some Morgan Freeman freckles? I was literally I was just saying like fucking I'll do it. Yeah, let's do it That'd be so cool. Let's get up. I'll pay for it His are like raised moles. I want a lot of moles on any space

I don't know you can make you can't manufacture that. Yeah, those are so pretty, yeah. Get those done. Give me the Morgan Freeman's. Is that what you say when you go to the tattoo parlor? Give me the Morgan Freeman face. I mean, let's not do this to each other. Jesus. Yeah, stupid.

He's 85 now. Wow. Wow. He's amazing. No. How much do you love him? Love it. Love his acting. No. See, his are like part of who he is, right? Definitely. But that's natural. I know. It's part of who he is. And also too, like that's not, I mean, it's, you can't be as random as nature no matter how much you try right like that is totally random nature Yeah, can't manufacture what that bitch. I'd be hilarious if he came out and be like these are actually Started this I just thought it looked sexy and I got freckles on my face tattooed on my face. I started in Yeah, dude, That'd be rad. He's so rad. I like him too. That shit fits in though, you know?

I feel like if I got him, you would expect me to be wiser. You know what I'm saying? Just like Morgan. Freckles supposed to make you smart. Shouldn't you be a little smarter than that? That's so true. I can't believe your freckled ass is making all these mistakes.

How much you've done freckled ass head on the show yesterday, what the fuck you doing man? You got freckles. And I have to say always as a rule, straight white teeth will always make you look so good. Yeah. Like clear whites of the eyes, clear like straight nice white teeth,

it'll always help you age better. I got my teeth cleaned. Yeah. They looked good yesterday when you came home and now they're all brown again. No, they're not. Yeah. I got compliments on my teeth from them.

From who? From the dental hygienist and the dentist. What did she say? What was your scores on your, this is a dental update by the way, and you didn't even. I know. Okay, so like, did she tell you your number scores on your gums? Yeah, what was your scores on your, this is a dental update by the way, and you didn't even. I know. Okay, so like, did she tell you your number scores

on your gums? Yeah, she was doing, but then she goes. Lulay ones and twos? She was like telling me that if you drink coffee all day, it starts to erode the enamel. Sure. And that people who brush right after, then you actually make the enamel go away faster.

Whoopsie, I do that. Yeah. And not only that, I use a gnarly peroxide. Yeah. I strip off. You're helping to strip it away. So she's like, if you want to do that, you brush before. Before you drink your coffee?

Yes. So I do it before and after? Not after. So is she just saying walk around with coffee breath for a little bit? No, wait 30 minutes because the acidic qualities of the coffee are stripping the enamel away for about 30 minutes and you're helping it strip it away

if you brush right after it. Yeah, I'm smart. I'm smart. I need to get my tattoos. And then she told me, she goes, so one day, once it's stripped away, you can't do anything. I know. And I go veneers and she's like,

you don't need veneers for a long time. She goes, you have really nice teeth. Can I tell you the panic I feel that my veneers are gonna pop off any moment is so real. Cause it's happened and I hate it. It's terror, it's terrifying. It's not good to get, don't get veneers. And then we talked about how people get big old chicklets

when they get, I was like, yeah, you gotta go to one of the top tier people that makes them look like real teeth. Yeah, like these two are. Yeah, they don't just look like big white. Yeah, you gotta be real cautious because they have to be a little opaque or whatever the word is that light goes through.

So bad. What was that, Danny Aiello, he got the crazy ones. He got crazy ones. God, I could talk about teeth all day. It's fascinating. Do you remember his? Danny Aiello in his later years. Poor guy, Rest in Peace.

Yeah, peace. You can't get them too white. Look at those. Oh, fuck. Yeah, they're too white. They're too big and they're too white. Yeah. It's like the perfect smile.

That's so bad. Oh shit. Those are too chunky and too white. Yeah, they have to be opaque a little. Because too white, it makes you go like, what the fuck is that? You know it's not real. You're trying to trick people.

Yeah, the whole subtlety. Yeah. You wanna just do little tweaks. So I was looking. The son of Danny Ayo dies, so he's dead too? Oh no. Look at that one in the middle there. Oh, 65.

Oh, jeez. He looks good for 65. I don't think that was him at 65. Oh. Jesus. I was looking at, I went down a plastic surgery rabbit hole yesterday, because everyone's saying how great Angelina Jolie looks.

And she had a little, they're saying a little bottom face lift, and as did Tom Cruise. But they say you can see Tom Cruise's face lift, because you can see that they create like a second little tiny earlobe there. Because that's always the hard part, is to conceal the scar. But she's, I don't know who she went to,

but they're saying that she did really good job And do you know that Kim Kardashian claims not to have had any fillers or any plastic surgery done? She says she's only done quote a little bit of Botox. Yeah, is that wildly a lie? I mean that whole family looks like they're put together in all factory. I know yeah. Yeah such lies. She had crazy ass Yes implants. I mean look at Kim before and after there's no look at that I mean how why are you lying looks like such a dirty girl on the left? I know dude She's every Valley hoe I grew up with you fucking slut Yeah, she totally is

Yeah, she's just every arm-out girl I grew up with. Yeah. Fucking hell. Yeah, there's that beach photo of her. Stop. Where you can see clearly how kind of distorted everything looks. Yeah.

Yeah. But why, I don't know, don't lie. They all lie. They all have crazy. See, they lie about this, and then the guys that are juicing all lie about juicing. You know the guys that are all super jacked? And they're all like, nope, natural.

And you're like, what are you talking about? Yeah, it's not... Look, everybody's doing it. It's not shameful. And if anything, I would go, yeah, I did it. And I have a really great doctor and I can afford the best fucking... Sure, just go it go

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's okay. Yeah, why lie? Whatever whatever I are you beautiful women out there. I don't know why you follow me Well, hey, I love you. Oh, yes. I love y'all. I don't know why you follow me Good backlighting. Oh Yeah, you're beautiful. I Love y'all. Hey, I love you all Speaking of I think he could use a few veneers, just one or two. Yeah. Some implants, teeth implants.

Well you know what's funny? Earlier I was playing some Unk Shine drops, and you know that he went dark on us? Really? Yeah, he disappeared for, no one heard from him for a while, and we kind of feared the worst a little bit, because, you know, I've visited him before. Like, it's not the best area and and you just don't know

like why someone like that disappears you know your your mind goes into to some pretty dark places but the good news is he is back oh thank God hey y'all how y'all doing good good thanks for asking y'all know y'all, how y'all doing? Good. Oh good, thanks for asking. Y'all know y'all so beautiful, God. Yeah. Yeah. But y'all know what? The only one I'm looking for is Christina. All right, I gotta go.

That's my baby girl. I gotta take a shit, I feel sick. Oh yeah. I don't know. I'm trying to tell y'all now, hey Christina, how you doing my baby? Okay. Oh you so sweet. He's Okay. Oh, you so sweet.

He's back. Yeah, I got it. Unless you wanna say welcome back? No, I'm good, thanks, Unc. There's this TikTok, would you rather going around that was like asking women, would they rather be alone in a forest with a man, just any man. Hey, Christina.

Yeah, or? Or a bear. And in this office, unanimously, the woman chose a bear. A bear? I would rather get mauled by a bear than sexually assaulted by a strange dude. How you doing, my baby? Well, I think that is so insane

that you would choose a bear over a man. Yeah, but a bear is won't rip you. A man will likely rip you if you're out in the middle of the forest. Not likely. That's what we think about. The whole point of that. I know, but it's not likely.

There are assaulters out there, but it's not most men. I know, but listen, the point of the TikTok was to raise awareness to men about how women. Seriously. Hold on, listen, think about threats in the world. It's meant for you to understand how we feel walking around in the world.

I understand. Is always on our minds. Literally, you're like, will I get walking from here to here? Yes. There's a lot of bleeps in this video, by the way. Wow. I know, I'm just saying.

So you're- So what word can I say? S-A? R-worded. The R-word. The R-word? R-A-P-word. No, I know, but what can I say instead of that will get us flagged? Touched.

Touched? Diddled. Diddled. Kissed. Force-loved. Yeah. So you're trying to tell me. Yeah.

It's, you're walking on a path. Yes. And you're about to step me, you're walking on a path and you're about to step into the deep dark woods and they're saying, you're gonna follow this path. You're either gonna run into a man or a grizzly bear. You're choosing the grizzly bear? Yes.

The real? Yeah, because I'll tell you why. I feel like there's a variable chance that you'll escape the bear attack. How? I don't know. Do they always necessarily attack? Not always, but when they do it hurts a lot.

I know, I'd rather get mauled than forcibly love touched by a man. And every woman in here agreed? Yeah, because the trauma of a mowing to me, I could maybe handle, honestly. No, there's no handle, it's over. The love touched, the forced love touch, which I do not want to ever experience a forced love touch.

I hear ya. We are afraid of you guys, because you guys are stronger and it happens. I know it happens. I know less women in my life that haven't been forcibly love touched than have. Does that make sense? Yeah. It's really scary.

Let me get the booty. Yeah, I know. And thank you for playing Young Shine. I'm on a nicer note, I'm really stoked. That he's back. Well, he misses you. But that being said, I don't think that all men are love fursuers.

Do you realize what you're saying though, in this, would you rather, you're saying that even though, if you take the whole population of men, the percentage of men that forced love touches is actually pretty small. Is it though? We don't, is it?

Let's Google, let's find out. But there's also the concern. We don't know. There's also the concern of it being alone in the middle of the woods. Cause I asked a similar question around the studio a long time ago that like if a dude and a girl went into a box

and someone said, no matter what happens in here you're not gonna get in trouble, no one's gonna know. Yeah, yes. What percentage of men would assault that woman? That's recidivism, right, though. But at the top... Hold on. But what did you say, Eni? Well, I'm just... The answers were all over the place.

Yeah. Some people said 100%. So... If there's no repercussions... Did you hear what Eni said? Yeah. They asked men... Mm-hmm. If you could... You're not even listening. I am.

If you could be alone with a woman... Mm-hmm. And you could do anything you even listening I am you could be alone with a woman and you could do anything you wanted with her and there are zero repercussions Would you forcibly love touch and like almost a hundred percent? We're like, yeah. No, no, no, I didn't say that I said a thousand percent just kidding. How much did you say? No, no, I'm just saying some people said a hundred percent I won't say who because that is a dude and he would he's kind of saying that he he would do it I'm saying like kind of didn't understand that he was saying that but a lot of us said high high numbers like 40 50, you know, it's it's unfortunate but kind of high and also and Also, if a guy is alone in the forest, it's like what's he doing alone? He's a nature guy. Nope. He's a weird beard

He's a he's an outlier on the, what the fuck you doing alone in the woods? I know, I would never hike alone because I'm afraid of love touch. That's why I literally don't go walking alone, even in Austin, because I'm afraid of forced love touches. So do we have a stat here? At all? This says 0.4% of men are convicted.

Huge number. Are convicted. But if you go back to the original thing you found, it said that on a college campus, 6% of college men are responsible for the majority of the. That's a lot though. Right, but that means that 94% are not doing that. So you're saying I'd rather roll the dice on a grizzly bear than.

Yeah. I would rather die with a grizzly attack than survive a forced love touch. Seriously. I understand. Okay. I couldn't even imagine the trauma of that. What would you guys choose? I'd just rather die. I mean, as a man, I'm choosing a man.

But I understand the thought of a woman choosing a bear. I understand it. It's insane. I also should say I'm mentally ill, so you know, probably shouldn't listen to my opinion, but I can understand it. You? I just think you have to look at like, what's more likely? Like, okay, even at 6%,

which is probably on the higher side. Yeah. Okay, 94%, you're safe. 100% of bears could eat you. Yeah. Okay. 94% you're safe. 100% of bears could eat you. Yeah. But the 6% is men who acted on it. Not men who would if they were alone in the middle of the woods and had a girl that was alone and you know like there's a lot of **** guys that would not do that you know

unless they were in that certain. **** guys. You know what I'm saying? Like like a are, I don't know, I guess like fucking jocks? I don't know what the fuck. But assholes in college will do that in front of all those people. That's the 6%. But you gotta, that's not all of men. But I'm sure that number's still lower than the amount of bears that would maul a human. Let's look at how many bought bear maulings happen

because I listen in my heart I feel like I can communicate telepathically with a bear and And he'll sense that I am sweet I don't know. I'll just like fucking get away. Yeah Okay, dude since 1784 there have been 66 fatal. That's black bears. Black bears are the ones that live around peeps. No, no, no. There's, what about white bears? Yeah, what about white bears?

How about grizzly bears? White bears are the ones that serial kill. Are we, am I choosing the type of bear? Can I choose a black bear? Cause they're pretty docile, no? Yeah, but most people are not encountering. This is a situation where you're saying that you're

encountering a grizzly. Like on this trail. That's the scenario. You decided it was a grizzly. Yeah, I did. Alright. Yeah. These are all the different bear attacks in North America.

Brown bears will fuck you up. But there's like a handful. There are enough to list independently. I know, it's not a lot. But this is a random. There's more rapes. But this is a random occurrence. Like this is not a person who goes,

I am going down this trail and I know there's a bear. That's what your scenario is. All right. Still. I stand by my love touches okay I am not wanting oh yeah let's give you get a polar bear because you're definitely not getting out of that holy shit you want me to get attacked by a bear I can tell you're upset with me that I brought this topic

up and now you want me to get attacked just to prove the point. Yeah, this just happened. This one just happened Oh cool and oh and Alaska. Mm-hmm Myomic was attacked and killed by a polar bear in the small village of Wales, Alaska The attack happened at 2 30 p.m The polar bear had chased several residents of the community before it killed the woman. Oh, no and her son The bear was shot and killed by a local resident as it attacked the bear Louise rough, dude Scroll further down. Is there more? The bear was shot and killed by a local resident as it attacked the bear. Jeez Louise. Rough dude.

Scroll further down. Is there more? So it's broken up by decade. Oh, I got you. Oh, I got you. I got you. Okay. Well. By the way, I'd like to thank you for pointing out that it looked like I had a herpy brewing this morning. I said no. I mean, you're like, oh, you had brewing this morning. I just didn't know. I mean, you're like, oh, you had a cold sore? I thought, but you've had it before.

It's not that crazy to say. Yeah, but don't say that, because now I'm paranoid about it all day. Well, it's not there. So it was just, I just didn't see correctly. I mean, you're the one that got me my neck holder for my passport. I gotta say, when we were in Italy,

the one cool way to certainly spot a tourist is when they wear I keep my passport around my neck. How do you fucking dork? yeah, that might be the dorkiest thing you can do. That is that is worse than being a Rope dropper. Yeah, there's a passport wearer you fucking dork. Why are you wearing this around your neck you dummy? It's a neck wallet. Yeah. Oh my god. That's the ultimate nerd.

And by the way, it's not that cute guy wearing it. No it's not. It's an old fat guy. Yeah. It's all old fatso's. By keeping it here, there's no chance of losing it. Yeah, it's cool. It's very cool.

But don't you think some- It's definitely not that dude. No. Don't you think some rotten It's definitely not that dude. No. Don't you think some rotten gypsy would just knife you and then rip that off your neck? I think the gypsy just sees you and goes, ah, this is the gypsy repellent because they know it's much harder to get into it here.

Into the- Yeah. But they would just stab you and then rip that dumb thing off your neck and now they got it. Maybe. I don't know. You can't put anything past them.

They're a hot seagun. They're a hot seagun. Shitano se mierda. Dude, that driver, that was Hungarian because we knew he was Hungarian because he pointed out where the Jews are in Rome. Yeah. He also told us, he's like,

such a bummer you can't say seagun anymore. I'm like, what? He's like, yeah, you can't call them gypsies. You have to call them romas. He's like,. Yeah, you can't call them gypsies. You have to call them wrong Oh, my yeah, he's like you can get fined for calling them gypsies. I'm like Please we find them taking all our stuff and moving into our house shit I Do like what the gypsies like the gypsies in Rome how we're kind of they're all talented

Like one of them was making like a making a sand mermaid in the sidewalk. That was kinda cool, remember? And then the other one was playing the violin. It's always nice to hear them or see their crafts. When they do that and their hands aren't in your pocket, it's awesome. It's great. Or trying to get your passport from around your neck.

Yeah. So discreet. Such a cool way of doing things. Mom, we take a quick break, okay? And we'll be right back. passport from around your neck. Yeah. So discreet. So discreet. Such a cool way of doing things. Why don't we take a quick break? Oh yeah. And we'll be right back. Check out my herpes.

Okay. I've said it a million times. I can't believe I don't have herpes. Really? I've never gotten it. I've never had herpes one or two. It's never probably done a blood test. Never had anything other than chlamydia and warts,

but never herpes. But warts don't go away. Which is like nuts. Yeah, butlamydia and warts, but never herpes. Which is like go away nuts Yeah, but everybody has the warts If you generation, yeah, like you're like a loser if you don't have Recorded yeah, yeah rolling With this fucking Freddie Mercury mustache Chrissy D back in the building everybody. Give it up for Chrissy D.

Hello. Wait, so you're talking about HPV. You feel like if you don't have HPV, now you're a loser. I kind of do feel like that. I'm 39 and my generation, if you don't have HPV, it was kind of like back in the day in like Roman times, if you were like in your mid 20s as a guy and still alive, you were just fucking gay. It's like, why didn't you get beheaded in war pussy?

That's the same with me, it's with my generation. It's like, you have to have HPV or you're a loser. Like I wouldn't actually trust you. If you were like, I'm in 40s and I don't have an STD, I'd be like, well, you don't have an STD besides warts. And if you said no to that, I'd be like, get out of my house. But there's a vaccine now. So like your sons won't get it.

Right. Or your daughter. Well, my daughters are sons. I don't know. They're too young to know. They haven't decided. Yes. They get to pick.

And they will not. Yeah, Gardasil is the, it was the big thing now. That was the big vaccine. It's awesome. Yeah, that's the only one that people in my neighborhood probably won't get a fake vaccine card for. They're gonna give their kids the HPV shot. The HPV shot, yeah.

Everything else is like, nobody cares. No. Well, you look good, man. You look great. You like so? Crew team, five milligrams. If people keep talking shit online, I'll go up to 10 fucking pussies.

Yeah, is this bulk season right now? Did you trim down now you're bulking? Yeah, I got, well the thing, no, what happened was, so here's what happened, is I decided about six months ago, I had a beautiful house on Staten Island, just, you know, the king, if you wanna be the king of New York, fucking white people, then you gotta live

on Staten Island, dude. That is like a very, it's a choice, man. That's the spot. What about, that's not Long Island, I thought Long Island for the whites too? Long Island is definitely, but I mean, if you wanna like fly your flags of freedom, like if you wanna go to a place where if you just hold up an American flag, you'll get a free slice of pizza, then you go to Staten Island. But we should make something like very clear to the audience.

For people that don't know New York that well, there's a lot of shit talked about Staten Island by people in the New York area. Everybody talks shit about Staten Island, but they won't say that shit to our face because they have to cross a bridge. So they're not, they pop off all day. But you're not gonna see, you know, there's no protest.

It just stands a little like literal island. And I had a beautiful house there. You feel like, you know, I feel like I made it. I had a two family, I had a nice Arabian family living down in the basement. They were paying half the rent. I had everything that you could dream of. I had a pizzeria close to me.

We had stuff going on. And then I got anxiety because I was doing a show at Radio City, which is a big deal for New York Comic. Congratulations. Thank you. And I got anxiety and it was misplaced in my head and I couldn't understand where it was coming from. So what I did was I created a narrative for my family and said, we need to move off Staten Island.

We're not these people. And I sold my house like an asshole and I moved my entire family of five into a one bedroom apartment in Queens. Why? Because I'm in Lunatic. And so- You moved into a one bedroom?

Yes, like an asshole, because I thought that we were gonna get a three bedroom apartment and it didn't happen and it fell through and my family hated me for a long time. And only now am I finally starting to get like, all right, dad, like, you know, cause my stepson was like, did you do this? Like, are you not funny anymore?

Like, he goes, did your career, what happened to your career? Cause his dad, who also does comedy, I told you that story, right? My stepson's father. Also does stand up? Does stand up. And he's great, he's a great guy. He does stand up as well.

So my stepson was like, did you like, are you not funny anymore? I was like, is your dad saying that? Is that what it is? Oh damn. And then, and then, and then, and then so, so I just moved like an idiot. And now we're at this place where I don't have like a house.

I'm like, I'm like. Are you in the one bedroom still? No, no, no. Now we're living. You moved again. Now we're living in an old lady's house that we're renting from, but I had everything. Like I had my whole, it was so easy. Oh, your anxiety is really great. And then I didn't know what was happening. And then I was in therapy.

And then my therapist was like, I think that you did all this because you wanted to cause anxiety because you were nervous about radio city. And I was like, I think that's it. He was like, I'm just, that's what I'm, because I've done this before. Like I got nervous that, because I really liked my girlfriend Jasmine when I first met her, I really liked her. Like, I was like, oh my God, I like can't,

I like, I love this girl, like immediately. And she had a kid and I was like, well, the only way I'm gonna feel better is if I also have a kid with her immediately. So I just trapped her and I wouldn't pull out. And that's just how I am. So I'm like zero to 100, but I will say these last few months of my life,

I've learned like that lesson of like, it really sucks when your family's looking at you like, what the fuck did you do? Even when my two year old daughter is like, she was like, I liked my daycare that we were at. I was like, you don't, you don't like this one. It's in over the subway in Queens. You don't like roaches. So you think that leading up to the radio city is there's anxiety because it's

radio city and you're a New York kid and like, and there's a lot of pressure for this to be a great night and a great show. And then that manifested itself into like, we need to move. And like, I was like, I need to take the pressure off thinking about Radio City. So what I'm gonna do is sell my house right now

and then deal with that. Create that drama. I'm gonna create that drama. And then Radio City, and then, cause then what happened, this is what happened to me. And then Radio City just came and went. I don't even have, I was in bed by 11 o'clock the night I did Radio City.

It was just a night I didn't even care about. But one of the great things about you, there's many great things about you, but one of the really great things is that you're one of the only people that I think sees what's going on and actually talks it out. Most people, even comedian friends of ours,

would have done what you did and still be like, yeah, so that's where I'm living in this place. You actually face it. No, I said at the closing of the house, I was like, I made a terrible mistake. But then I signed it and I was like, I hope you guys enjoy your house. And I also sold it for hundreds of thousands of dollars

lower than what it was worth for. Okay, what? I also made another, and I had a 3.1% mortgage rate, got rid of that. Just the stupidest things you could possibly do. Wow. I did. What did Jazz think about all this?

She wasn't happy. There was a lot of nights where I would just wake up to go take a piss and she'd be staring at the ceiling, just kind of like, you know, not sleeping. Like, what did you do? And I was like, trust me, it's going to be great. It's going to be great. And then it wasn't.

And then, yeah, and then the night that we moved into our one-bedroom apartment, I left the very next day and did shows in Vegas. So she was just there with the kids. So it was one of those things where I was like, all right, dude, you're really screwed up now. But the positive is, is I didn't really lose, I mean, I lost the house,

but I didn't really like lose any money. I just didn't make any money. Like I didn't cripple us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But here's the thing, what is the plan now for housing? Okay. What are you gonna do? So now I don't know. So now I'm living right now.

We're renting this old lady's house. Right. Who's nice. Okay. In Queens or? In Queens. Okay. And so, and it's not too far from my mom. That's good. It's not too far from my mom. Sure.

We got babysitting. But I think what we're trying to do now is just, I've just accepted the fact that I made a huge mistake. That's good. Okay? I told you that there's many positives in my life. I don't have herpes, which I've told you guys about. And I cannot believe that I don't have it, but I do not.

I'm relatively, you know, I'm not a sex freak anymore. I mean, I told you I jerked off on my pants. You did jerk off on your Lululemon pants. Early Lululemon's in my hotel room and I had to change my pants. But other than that, I'm not hurting anyone. Other than my belly button. But I think that what I'm gonna do now

is just wait out this housing market. I've accepted that I'm gonna have to pay a lot more for the mortgage rates have tripled. So I'm just gonna have to deal with that. But I've kind of said to my friend, I said to my family, we're doing okay. We have some money. We're not gonna make any big purchases,

even though I did just get a BMW X7 yesterday. Oh my God. But that was again ill-advised. I didn't rent it past my family. And I said, Jasmine, don't worry. I can get out of it on Swapolis. And so, but for the most part, I have some money saved, I have it in the market.

I'm not, you know. Well here's, I mean like- I just did a special, we're okay. Yeah, I mean, here's the thing too. You're touring, you're doing well. Well, I'm not on tour. I've decided to come off tour. But okay, you're off tour. Well, I'm not on tour I decided to come off tour. Okay, you're off tour. I just was like I don't want to keep leaving my family I don't want to keep leaving New York. I'm just getting too much anxiety leaving New York

So how long are you gonna go off tour for? I don't know. Okay Well, God your life gives me so much anxiety just listening. Yeah. Yeah, my heart's like pounding. I know I know Well, here's the thing with the, fuck with the kids and everything. Here's the thing about, you're gonna rent for a while. Yes. Which is a great way to save money because you're just paying a monthly rent. It's a lot, lot less money out than purchasing a place.

You can save money for a duration of time and then possibly, depending on where you choose to purchase, you might not have to take that big of a mortgage out. That's what I'm hoping for. That's what I'm hoping for. But I am, you're right, I am gonna have to get back out there. I mean, I have some things on the horizon.

Okay. But I, I don't know. Jesus, you do like, you do make me feel anxiety. Yes, I know. It's Chrissy chaos. It's Chrissy chaos, yes. But here's the thing, but here's the thing, is I learned these, I've been learning these lessons the hard way

these past six months, because it was always like fun, right? It was always fun, I'm fucking around, whatever I'm doing, everything's fine, chaos, ha ha. But then over the past like six to nine months, I've had like major family drama, right? Like major family shit where you're like, whoa, okay. Like there's a lot of times where like,

we think we have problems. But then you're like, that's not an actual problem. You're making that up. Like you selling tickets is not a real, that's a made up manufactured first world problem. But then when you have like a family member who's like a big, big, big problem, you're like, oh shit, this is real life problems

when you have to like move. Then you're like, okay, now,, you're like, oh shit, this is real life problems when you have to like move. Then you're like, okay, now, now, I'm like, I gotta fucking get this shit together. I gotta figure it out, buddy, because, you know, and then, and then, and then nobody in my, and then also, I'm not only running my family, I pay for other family members' lives too. That's a big thing, okay.

So you're like, okay, we gotta figure this shit out. How's Tampa Tony? Tampa Tony's good. Tampa Tony's advice when I was going through all this was to move to Canada. That's good. To walk away from my family and move to Canada. So he was like, that's what you should do.

But he's good. How's his health? Dude, he's lost 120 pounds. He looks like a different man now. Okay, that's great. I'll send you guys a picture after you could put it up. His diet is he's intermittent fasting and now it's gotten down to even crazier.

Now he only eats one meal a day and that's half of a tuna fish sandwich. That's it. So he eats half of a tuna fish sandwich once a day. Great. He maybe should throw some vitamins and supplements. That's what I said to him. He can't figure out why he feels lightheaded

all the time. And I told him, it's cause you're not eating enough calories. And he was like, I'm restricting calories. I said, yeah, but you're eating like literally like, that's not like my baby eats more than you. Yeah. So he eats half a tuna fish sandwich a day. And then he walks in the pool with water shoes on.

That's very good. That's what he does. Mom's good. She's near you. Mom's good. Mom is good. Mom is, the thing is good, mom is... The thing is, I think with, I have interesting family, right, I have this family that I do all this comedy, right, you know, take care of them as much as I can, but I don't think they're necessarily proud of me.

Do you ever get those feelings where like, I'm presented like a- Who you telling it to? Dude, sorry, like, the last time I saw my dad I drove like an hour in LA traffic to kick it with him Yeah, and he just we're drink he's drinking and we're talking and then he just gets up and he did some fucking peers Yeah, and I'm like, where are you going? So he took a nap and all I want is his approval all I want is like you're just you're good Christine

Like I'm a comedian. I made it. I have a popular podcast I have a family and he's like Couldn't give a shit. Yeah, they don't care Chrissy. They are not proud of you. They don't care. But do you anything they're envious? It's see it's oh, but see my thing is like I get it But like even like now, you know immediately come out like this is who I am, talking about come on my pants right away. It's how I've always been since I'm a little kid. And so, but now that it's in the public, I'll post something, I'm 39,

and I'll post something that my mom will text me and you need to take that down right now. That is embarrassing to you and your family. And I'm just like, I can't. Oh, she doesn't know. Yeah, I'm just like, I can't. So that kinda sucks doesn't know. Yeah, I'm just like, I can't. So that kinda sucks. You know what you might need actually?

Wait until they die, it's much better. I know. I wanna kill them. Yeah, that's when you're. That's when the comedy really starts when they're dead. What about like a men's retreat? Yeah. That's a great, oh you would like this.

What do you do? Well this guy runs them right here. We had him on the show. I find it so cute and funny and kind of annoying that so many modern mens work leaders base their branding off of like Spartan culture and they call it the modern warrior journal or you know we're the we're the samurai brotherhood you know. Yet they never get naked they never do ball cupping rituals they never see each other's

cocks the outermost extension of each other's hearts are completely hidden by their lululemon polyester underwear that's leeching feminizing chemicals right into their ball sacks. When really they could be leeching good, high vibrational brotherhood vibrations into each other's ball sacks through cupping, which is exactly what the Spartans did.

You know, if you claim to be like a Spartan samurai brotherhood, it's like the samurai were sniffing each other's balls. The Spartans were cuddling and sucking each other's nipples before battle on animal skins. You know, the Celtic druids and the fierce, kilted warriors that you see in Braveheart. Did you know they did not actually wear their kilts when they went into battle?

They would actually take off their pants so their penises and testicles were exposed during battle and then they would moon the British with their buttholes. All of that truth is missing from the Spartan ethos of the modern mens work movement. It's like, you're gonna call the Spartan ethos of the modern men's work movement. It's like you're gonna call yourself Spartan, do some ball cupping. Wow, right? I'm in. Yeah, that's something that when does he do them? Where does he do them? Well, he's in Vancouver in BC. Mm-hmm. But you know, he came down here and did the pod.

Did you do some stuff with him? Well, no, it was really about information gathering. But yeah, he runs a bunch of workshops. Now, is he a gay man, a straight man? You know, I don't know. He doesn't see it that way. No. Well, that's a big thing.

What he's saying is true. There's a lot of, you ever heard of this sacred band of Thebes? No. So it's a, it's a, it's a, that's why they in the streets, you know, they call me Chrissy Thebes and I'll tell you why. Okay.

Is so, is because, is because ain't this old Roman, I'm sorry, Greek fighting force that were like the elite Greek fighting force, what they would do is before battle, before battle, you know, they all had wives and kids at home, but before the night before the battle, when they were like the elite Greek fighting force, what they would do is before battle, before battle, you know, they all had wives and kids at home, but before the night before the battle, when they were on the field, they would all have sex with each other

and suck each other's dicks. Just because they were like, the only way I can really protect my brother next to me is if I'm truly in love with him. I have to be fully in love with you. And they were these guys that, you know, nobody even called them gay back then. They're what that, being gay is like a new word.

Back then you were just, you were just that. You were just a being. So ancient sacred band of thieves, that's kind of, you know, I feel like that's kind of where I go sometimes. Yeah, sure. But never full sex with a guy. But you still haven't had full,

you've touched Peter though, yeah? Yeah, I've touched Peter, but that's just kind of like what you have to do in my neighborhood. Yeah, that's what I mean. There's all kinds of things you could do with this guy by the way. What's up, Yogi?

So me and Brian Crue just taught a really juicy anus workshop today and got a little bit into the prostate too. And that caused some pre-cum to be secreted from my manhood. So a little bit of sperm detail, a little bit of testosterone, a little bit of spermidine, which is good for muscle growth, a little bit of nerve growth factor, which is really good for your brain and your nervous system.

What else came out? A little bit of vitamins, minerals, oxytocin, a bonding hormone which lowers cortisol. So not only am I getting the benefit of the urine therapy, which is powerful on its own, the Shivambu I should call it, but I'm also getting the benefit of the sperm, the semen, tiny bit of semen that's been mixed in with my urine. Oh my God!

Oh wow, that's very, very potent, I love this. The thing is with this guy, it's like we could sit here and try to write and come up with bits and never be as funny as he is. Not even trying remotely to be funny. Yeah. What? I mean, he drank his own piss.

There's a little bit of jizz in it too. Just a little bit of jizz. Yeah, and a very strong prostate. I mean, yeah, this type of guy, I would say he's somebody that I would aspire towards being. I would love to be that free like him. And he looks ripped. Dude, he's ripped?

Yeah, he's really, he runs a lot. Oh my God, there he is. So in my live workshops, we do a beautiful cock exercise. This is actually inspired by a guy named Darius Bashar. Basically, he does these workshops called... I want to get you into one of these, you know. I would do it. This guy's not even circumcised in the middle. ...really learning to love your penis. Because if you love your penis, your self-esteem builds up.

That's true. Yes. Yeah. So what you do is you just stand in a circle with a bunch of other guys, and then just look at each other's dicks. You do this. Yes. Yeah, so what you do is you just stand in a circle with a bunch of other guys, and then just look at each other's dicks. Okay. You'd do this. Yes. I would, yeah.

This is being an altar boy. And then how about we go first. So we're gonna look at each other's cocks and then take three deep breaths. Yeah, you can go with this. breaths. It's appreciating their dick because in Chinese medicine the dick is the outermost extension of your heart. There you go. I you hug on the hug side. Oh dear. See? Your dicks are touching. And that's it.

Yeah. And it's a men's retreat. It's a men's retreat. Yeah. It's not gay. It's not gay. It's not. It's not, dude.

It's powerful. It's just, you're just hugging. It's not a big deal. I would do this. I genuinely would do. Do you have any desire to do this, Tom, or not really? I don't know. I think I still have too much

insecurity about it. Yeah, see, there's a part of me that just feels like, almost, it's not even like I wanna do this, it's almost like feeling like I need to do this. Cause you'll find answers about yourself at the end of this, you'll know. Definitely. I can't tell you, I'm Chrissy Gray's own,

I can't tell you how much of my life is spent straddled in two worlds. Yeah. I don't know, I don't know so many things of my life. I don't know, you know, do you wanna get married? Do you not? Are you white? Are you Puerto Rican?

Are you Republican? Are you Democrat? Are you gay? Are you straight? Like, do you live in St. Island, Queens? Who are you? Where are you? You're in the Gray Zone.

But I feel like this, once you, in a non-sexual way, put the head of your penis on another man's penis, you know. You have to get some clarity. Do you have to? Do you think this would give you answers? Is that why you're curious? I do, I think that at the end of this, number one, you're in nature disconnected from your phone.

You get butt naked, you kind of, so, the insecurities have to go on, you have to just be okay with your body. And then on top of that, you get butt naked, you kind of so you the insecurities have to go on that you have to just be okay with your body. And then on top of that, you're touching your penis against another man's penis. A light bulb has to, something has to happen. Or not. Cause if it gets hard. Yes.

Then it's, you know, or if you just, before you know it like that, you're on your knees, fucking getting your uvula knocked out. You're going, you know what I mean? If you literally kind of lose consciousness and you wake up and you literally have just somebody's balls wrapped around your molars, you know what it is. Your life gets really fucking clear. I have now chosen the side.

I have now chosen the side and I have said I am now fully gay for Trump, whatever it is. We gotta get you to do this then. I would do it. I think it would be one of those things where my family deserves this. My family deserves me going there. My family deserves me finding answers.

My daughters, I need to look my daughters in the eye and say, girls, daddy figured it out. Here's what happened. And then bring in. What do we think jazz would say to this I think jazz would say I think jazz would assume that I've done it many times before I haven't told her really I think jazz would say like for example. I farted yesterday. Just say just your casual fart and You know fun outside kids love it and she She goes you know when you fart like that,

it really makes me think you're gay. What? I said what? And she said, because the sound that that makes, there's no way, like your asshole is like very, very loose. And she was being dead serious, and she goes, and it's okay if you are Chris, it really is, but like a straight man wouldn't be able to make a sound like that come out of their asshole

Wow, now I gotta hear this. Yeah, it was I might have because Tom's parts are very snappy Yeah, she does have a point cuz your farts are very snappy and brisk, right? Tell me if you think yeah, cuz I have what's up. What I'll often do is I'll take them I'll send I'll record farts and then I'll send it to my guys group chat But I'll also disguise it, you know, I'll put in like go Mets or something and then and then I'll send it to my guys group chat, but I'll disguise it. I'll put in like Go Mets or something. And then it's a fart. So let me see.

Oh, let's go Nick's. Let's see this. Yeah, no, she's right. It sounds like there's cum behind the fart. Something like that is too, and she genuinely, we stopped. We were on our way to Whole Foods with the kids, we were really having a great day.

And she genuinely was like, I just feel that that's it. She's right. Something's going on with your ass. And then she asked me, she said, you know, if you're not gay, are you doing things to your ass that I don't know about? And I was like, I'm not, I'm just farting. Like, I'm just, you know?

But I hear what she hears. Yeah. That is a looser anus. But I hear what she hears. Yeah. That is a looser anus. Right. Do you shart a lot? I don't, I don't. I have, I have clean. What's been in there, anything?

No, nothing. And I think, cause I think it's one of those things. It's, and I'll connect this to the resurrection of Jesus. Sure. And the case for Christ on why he is what I think the truth. And I think, you know know people who dispel his name You know will have a problem with me

But so here's how I'll connect it. So it's it's it's not just one thing, right? It's not just one thing meaning I fart. I Haven't this loose sounding asshole. She says this makes me feel you're gay. Now, just that by itself is ridiculous. Just like you walking into Jesus's tomb and not seeing a body and saying, oh, he must've been resurrected is ridiculous, right? If I opened up your grave of a family member, if I go dig down and I open up the casket

and there's nobody in there, you wouldn't say, oh, my family has been resurrected. No, it's just one piece of evidence. Couple that with, couple that with, you know, me watching, you know, like basketball games over and over and over again. And, you know, kind of like slowing down on, you know, Devin Booker, a guy from the Phoenix Suns. And I see him bring him up.

He's Devin Booker. I kind of always zoom in and out on him. I'm on his Instagram. You know what I like on the basketball players? I see him? Bring him up. He's Devin Booker. I kind of always zoom in and out on him. I'm on his Instagram a lot. Do you know what I like on the basketball players? I like their compression shorts. Yes. And it's really the only reason I'll go to games with Tom is to watch them run in their shorts and see dogs flopping around.

You like that. Yeah. I get it. So you see. Oh yeah, he's cute. I'll do things like that or I'll, you know. And she pays attention to that? She's like, why are you always checking that?

Well, she just brings it up because it's that couple. Then it's coupled with, you know, you know, And she pays attention to that. She's like, why are you always talking about that? Well, she just brings it up because it's that couple. Then it's coupled with, you know, when, you know, we'll kiss, you know, we'll do a tap kiss. And if we do any tongue, we'll go, Ooh, you know, like, I'll do something like that. I'll go, Whoa, like, I'll be like, that gives me the heebie-jeebies, right? And I don't know why I do that.

I just feel like I do that. And then, you know, and then back to Jesus' resurrection where like, it's just, you would, you would feel that, you would feel that, you know, him, his body not being in the tomb is not enough, but then you couple that with, well, now there's 500 eyewitnesses, 500 eyewitnesses. Is that right?

That saw him, that saw him after he died, then you start to say, okay, wait a second. So now we have, his body's not there and people have seen him. Now we have your assholes loose and you go ooey wooey when you kiss me. And you're always checking out Devin Booker. And you're always checking out Devin Booker.

Now we're painting a picture. Now we're painting a picture. Have you ever done this? This is like the final stage of what this guy does. Have you ever done this before? I have a hard time with this one. Yeah. You do this? Oh yeah, I open up the...

No! The airplane's going by. He says something. Okay, hold on. Good. Okay, hold on. Mmm, that's good. Mmm. Okay, hold on. It's not over. Oh.

Huh. Mmm. Mmm. Just enjoying the taste of it. I'm shameless, I'm fearless, I'm doubtless. Oh. It's- I'm shameless, I'm fearless, I'm doubtless. Oh. I'm shameless, I'm fearless, I'm doubtless. Imagine feeling that strong.

I feel like that came out of you so naturally. Next time Jasmine looks me in the eye and asks me if I'm gay, I say, I'm shameless, I'm fearless, I'm doubtless. See, that's what I get back to her. Let me see, I haven't done this, but it is one of those things where, now that I've seen that it exists, I never thought about it, why not try it, right?

The only problem with me is I don't jerk off north to south. I think I've said this before, I lay down and I lay, I lay my penis on my stomach towards my belly button and I just rub the base of it. I almost rub it, I almost treat it like a clit. And that's another reason why Jonathan's like, I don't know why, you know, the way you master me concerns me.

I lay back here, okay? Imagine I'm hard. I lay back, I get the base, and then I just rub and I kind of hump the hands and then I shoot it up. That's how you do it? That's how I do it. That's strange. Yeah, yeah.

You know? Unique. You're shameless, you're doubtless, and you're fearless. I'm shameless, I'm doubtless, I'm fearless, and that's how I do it, so. Well, you know what Will told us, that's his name, is that when he eats his own semen, it's such an act of self-love and acceptance.

He actually was driven to tears when he was sitting in that exact chair telling us about the experience of eating his own seed. It's such an expression of self-acceptance. And I feel like you would benefit from something like that. Yeah, because how am I gonna kind of be bogged down by anxiety and be upset about what somebody may say about me, you know, my mom not being proud of me

when I say I've had my own come shot into my face. So what can really stop me? Again, we repeat, I'm shameless, I'm fearless, I'm doubtless. I'm shameless, I'm fearless, I'm doubtless. I'm shameless, I'm fearless, I'm doubtless. So I think that he is actually, it's been only 20 minutes that I've been introduced to him, but it is one of those things where,

it's one of those things where I don't even want to get his information from you. I wanna do the work and find him myself. Because that's how you know you really want to do it then. You know? I don't want us to get on a group text or anything. I want to be like, let me find him, let me do this. Because, yeah, I mean, that actually, so far, of everything, yes, touching another man's penis is one thing, great,

but when you shoot your own load into your own eyelids, it's how do you wake up the next morning and not feel confident? How do you not, how do you have a bad day after that? It's kind of hard to. Almost impossible. Yeah, you've gone basically, in a lot of ways, you've been to the mountain top. You know there's no other place to go. And it's also too, it's kind of like one of those things where I love Jasmine, I love my family.

I wouldn't ever ask them to do anything I haven't done myself. So I'm here trying to blow loads on Jasmine's face Yeah, I'll do it. I'll see what that feels like and I'll go through that first and I want to hear her response to that argument Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I I'm almost confident I'm gonna go home and my things will be outside and I'll say I know what it is to live in a one-bedroom apartment I'll just go back. Yeah know what it is to live in a one-bedroom apartment I'll just go back yeah oh so smart guy there you go this is the guy I was trying to tell you by the way this other guy I'm gonna show you right now that gives good advice this guy gives

good advice that we found out okay if you don't work out right now if you don't stop putting shit in your body when you you're going to be 60, your dick is not going to stand up anymore. So it's very important to work out every fucking day. So you don't end up like those old people. They can barely walk and they can't even fuck their bitch. See, that's so true. You know, there's so many fitness people on Instagram telling you what to do. That makes these that makes the most sense.

That makes the most sense. I'm more now at a point in my life where I'm less concerned about looking jacked or being jacked. on Instagram telling you what to do. That makes the most sense. That makes the most sense. I'm more now at a point in my life where I'm less concerned about looking jacked or being jacked, I wanna be flexible. Like I just signed up today at five o'clock, I'm doing a YTX yoga Texas class. I went, cause I Googled protein smoothies near me

and I walked into this protein place and they had a yoga. You're going? I'm going at 5 p.m. It's yoga, like high intensity yoga, and I'm gonna do it. Great. Because I'm all about, let's be flexible more than diesel. Like who cares? Because he's right.

He's right. You wanna be able to fuck your bitchery guy. And I don't care. And also, I don't think that women really care. About what, Jack? If you're being Jacked, I work out for other guys. Like I want Tom to tell me I look Jacked. Yeah, I don't think that women really care. About what, Jack? If you're being Jack, I work out for other guys. Like I want Tom to tell me I look Jack. You, I don't feel like women really give a shit.

It's like, what do guys think I look like, right? Which I know is on the surface gay, but it's not. No, I actually feel like that's not gay. Animals do that and it's peacocking. There's no better feeling actually than when dudes are like, you look like you've been fucking hitting it. Yes, because the women,

what, Jazz doesn't give a shit. She's like, I don't care. Like we had a house. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Can I tell you something too? Yeah.

Whenever I see a nice, a man naked, like Will and his friends, and if I know that they're just even a whiff of gay, I'm not interested anymore. Really? Yeah, like if I know that they're just even a whiff of gay, I'm not interested anymore. Really? Yeah, like if I know that they're into dicks, I don't like watching gay man porn. Cause I just.

Some women do. No, I know some women love that. That's their jam. It's not my jam. I need total masculinity. Well, here's an issue I've been having. And I don't know where I stand on this. I'm in the gray zone here again, but I think I'm not alone.

Have you guys seen the show Baby Reindeer? Yes. On Netflix. We're a few episodes in. OK, so Baby Reindeer. So the trans character, who I'm sure you've met already, his Yes. Right?

Yes. He starts to date and fall in love with Terry. Yes. Terry, yes. I haven't been able to stop thinking about her at all. And she consumes my thoughts when I'm every moment of my life I'm thinking about her Terry Yes, there there's a video of her dancing around. Can we please pull it out? Yeah, they're her dancing around

I've watched it on repeat I've had to you know Jasmine's caught me multiple times looking at her Instagram looking at her pictures and I've had to tell her multiple times. No I'm it's for a bit, but it's's not. Can you walk me through the attraction? Because I'm trying to understand, because to me it looks like a very masculine woman. So it's like you like the woman look, but you like a masculine woman look, is that what you're?

No, she looked like an Italian girl from Brooklyn or Staten Island to me. Oh yeah, I can see that. She looked like that and at first thought, I thought she was a woman. And then it's one of those things when I found out she was in fact a biological male and still had a penis, it made me more intrigued. Okay.

So what's that about? Maybe you're really into trans women. No, I've never been with one. I don't watch their porn, but you see that like my god She's so pretty. Yeah, look at how pretty she is. No, I'm a navamow Navamow Navagate. Yes. See this video of her dancing. I've watched it multiple times and I'm really just looking at her feet and I like her feet and and and it's one of those things where I

Yeah, cuz I did and here's the thing, I did the research. Wait, let's go back up, is that video loading? Well let's see your feet, yeah. Yeah, I think there was a video of her dancing. I think it's loading up right now. Okay, so am I. I wanna get my feet over my head and get back to my hotel room

and shoot her off my eyelids to Navamaw's Instagram. So, wow, followers have doubled. When I, the last, I was on her page about two days ago She had 68,000 followers now. It's over at 110. Yes. He Terry just dancing around and Yeah, just kind of Yeah, you like her paws. I like it everything. I like her I was like I was like wondering like I wonder where that apartment is. She I like her flowers. I like her kitchen I'm just like she looks like she, she looks like she would tolerate me

and not judge me, right? I like that. Yeah, she looks like she would, maybe that's the hook, Chrissy, is that she won't judge you. Cause she's somewhat you. I feel judged by everybody else. Like a woman will judge, like your wife, for instance, no offense to Jazz, and I think she's founded

in her things with you, but she is judging, right? Oh, you're gay or not gay, but that one, she's not gonna judge. And I think that, you know, I delved into this. The thing that excites the straight male human brain number one the most is big tits and a big dick. So you don't even realize when you're watching porn you will fast forward through the videos

if the man's penis is too small. But if you see a nice big fat dick and some big tits, then you stay. And that's why I'm staying on her because I'm assuming she has a big fat cock. And big tits. And I've already seen her tits in Baby Reindeer. Yeah.

So I get already seen her tits in baby reindeer. Yeah. Wow. So I get stuck on her. Now it's a fantasy, because in reality I may be like, no, you know, like I don't, you need to have a vagina for me to be in. But in the fantasy of it all, I'm with her. But also you understand, right, because it sounds like you do, that fantasies are allowed to be this. They're allowed to be things that you think about that don't have to be reality. Right.

You can live in the fantasy and enjoy a fantasy without it being real. Yes. And you know what? And I feel good talking about this because I promised my family last week at a barbecue that I wouldn't publicly talk about any gay stuff or Hypersexual stuff and I looked them on the ice and I won't do it and then I'm happy I'm doing it Yeah, you are doing it. Yes, still it's fine. It's just who cares Well, I'll tell you why Chrissy because we're all humans. We all have the same stuff going on You're just saying it out loud. I don't know people think about it. Yeah, sorry. I know for a fact I know for a fact you hear anything When my guys hold on one time, I just heard buzzing in my can you just check this just to make sure I'm gonna go

Pish real quick. All right. Sorry. We're back So yeah, so baby reindeer I knew that my group chat cuz they're not like they watch sports They watch hockey or whatever. But when my group chat my boys in my group my group chat started texting me, yo, you got to see baby reindeer, wait till episode two. I was like, okay, what's going on? And then when I saw what they meant by that, the trans character, I was like, here we go. Does that mean that they knew you would be into it?

Or just that they were into it? They're into it, but they're not, they're guys, guys, blue collar guys, cops, firemen, so they're not gonna outwardly say it. But I knew that one guy, well, now, I'm side texting me outside the group chat and asked me if I knew Nav Mao. They're like, is any, do you know her?

And I was like, does she do pods? And he was like, do you think she lives in New York? And I said, why are you asking me this? He goes, because I just, you know, I just thought she's cool. Go to her IMDB. Yeah. I mean, sorry, her IG.

Yeah. I think she's, that apartment she's dancing around looks like a New York apartment. It does look like a New York apartment. And I said, I told Tom that I did DM her. And you know, we haven't heard back. Trying to get her on the pod? But yeah, just to get on the pod, I just wanted, I'm just fascinated with her.

Sure. So. What's that? All the words. Maybe if I get a sitcom on the air, she can play Jasmine. Can I tell you what I do like is that her boobs look natural. Like she had them done nicely so they're not like hoisted up to her chin. Like she got like big naturals.

Yes. They hang nice. Oh, there you go. Where's that? Nice foot shot right there I'm saying. See? Oh yeah. Boom.

I know. See those those look like that's good. And then if you if you go back, go back to look at that. Yeah. she's an Italian girl from Bentonhurst. Is she Italian though? I don't know what she's like Look at the quote on that one on that Queer artists for Palestine the next one over but saying the same thing footshot for Christ's sake Yeah, it's algo del pasado. I mean that's Spanish she's Spanish and she's in the Yucatan That is something from the past. I mean, that's Spanish. She's Spanish and she's in the Yucatan.

Oh. In Mexico. But I don't know if she could be. Maybe that's why she's posting. But she's, yeah, so that show, Baby Reindeer is wild. Well, and she's putting it out there. Like she's probably single because all these are like to attract people, you know what I mean?

Do you think she's into men or gay men? How does it work? What's the thing? I don't know. There's no way to know. You just don't know. Look at her at the beach. Yeah. There you go.

I mean, I'll tell you what though. The stuff that she's posting will appeal to men. This is for men. Yeah. This is for straight men. Yeah, it's not, oh, well. Yeah, it could be her with her. I don't know.

Whatever, no. I don't know. Well, let's see. What else? Cause the stripper pole, cause she had a stripper pole in her apartment. She had a stripper pole, that's what she's dancing around in. That appeals more to dudes. I don't know. Well, let's see what else. Because the stripper pole, because she had a stripper pole in her apartment. She had a stripper pole. She's dancing around in it. That appeals more to dudes. I don't know. Maybe she's one of the dudes. I like it.

It is. What is that? Nava mountain. Can you do like a wiki thing, like a bio so we can maybe learn a little more? Yeah, I want to know more about her. When, what does she say? When I think of the truth. Oh, she had a nice caption. It was deep. When I think of she say? When I think of the truth. Oh, she had a nice caption. It was deep. When I think of Hasef, I think of truth.

I think of vision that is unafraid. Thank you for sharing yourself and your spirit. Who's Hasef? You're unafraid, unashamed. Yes. Oh my God. Wow, connection. Chrissy connection.

Cause this is on her side. What about the Wiki one? Cause that'll give a little more. Navamow. Yeah. What was she born as? What's cause I would assume Navamow is on her side, what about the Wiki one? Because that'll give a little more. Oh, she's. Navamow. Yeah, what was she born as? What's, because I would assume Navamow is not her name. Like she came up with that name, right? Well. Yeah, not her birth name.

Oh, Wikipedia, go down one more. Is it film? Wow, she's from Oakland. But didn't it say born, or Mexico? It's in Mexico. She lives in Mexico City. Oh, maybe that's a Mexico City place. I could get down there. That's cool.

I heard Mexico City Safe. Who has lived in Mexico City. Oh, maybe that's a Mexico City place. I could get down there. That's cool. I heard Mexico City safe. Who has lived in Mexico City, it says. Doesn't look like she has a Wikipedia page, but yeah, born in Mexico City. How does she not have a Wikipedia page? We'll make one. God damn it.

Born in 92. Okay, of age. That's good. So that's gonna make her, yeah. She's about 32 years old. Perfect. Perf. She's about 32 years old. Perfect. Perf. She's, you can't get her pregnant.

That's true. No matter what. Most likely has HPV. True. At 32. When? Right at that age of just, she just missed Gardasil. Well, I hope you guys can make some type of connection. This would be cool. She seems like a good person too.

She does. That's what I was drawn to in Baby Reindeer. Her energy, the way she spoke, even though I know she's acting, how kind she was to the other guy. I liked it. Yeah, I like it too. And I like how they portrayed her in Baby Reindeer.

It wasn't like a trans character. Like, you know how they always have to make it so heavy handed? It was like, she's just a person. She's a person, yeah. And that was nice. Yes. And then you like it better when it,

I see there's her in that girl again. Very pretty, man. She's got a lot of pics with her and other women. I think it's gonna, so she might be a lesbian. Might be. Maybe. I think we're gonna get to a point too where maybe in like our kids are just like,

it's not even gonna be a thing where nobody even has to like come out of the closet or say what they are, they just are. They're just hooking up or not. It doesn't matter anymore. Look, you can see your clamshell there. So, okay, so she does have a pussy then. What? She does? She's post-op? She's post-op. I'm kinda out.

Look, look, she pulls up the pants. Yo. She doesn't have a dick. Yo, she's got a vag. See, it's already a disconnect. But see, right here you're ruining the... Oh! Oh, shit. Dude, what is she posting, bro? Whoa!

What? What is this? See that little giggle? Yeah, you like that? I like that. So she's really putting it out there, dude. Like, she's looking for love. But she has a pussy.

I think so. Unless she... I don't know. I don't know the etiquette. Did she tuck, maybe? Right. Well, yeah, cause she's shaking her ass like that. Cause look, look, look! But her clam, you can see the clam. And you can see the balls. Yeah. Unless she I don't know I don't know the etiquette did she tuck maybe right well yeah cuz she Clam you can see the clam and you see the balls yeah all right. She's got a clam and I think she likes I'm sorry. I don't want to ruin your dream. She might be a lesbian, dude I wanted to walk in on her with her knees over her face coming on her own face But this is this is a very erotic video for Insta. That's big time. My goodness.

Very nice apartment as well, similar to the one I moved my family into at about five bedroom house. Perfect. Yeah, so it's interesting. It's interesting what gets you going. But I mean, right there, she looks like a Latino or a Middle Eastern girl. Definitely.

You know, like that girl is like, I see that girl like that girl's a hottie. No, I think she's a really good person. I do get that sense. Like she looks super Latin. She does stuff for other people. She's not just like an empty actress. So I get the, yeah.

Yes. I like that you have a new crush. This is really good. Right, and she stands for Palestine, like my young daughter. The older one I told you is pro-Israel. Oh wow. Yes, they were at a conflict in the house.

I was telling Christina before we started, my three old was at the Columbia protest yesterday, getting involved, and it was a big thing because I'm paying for daycare, but she wants to go support Palestine. House divided. I know this one and the gays for, she's queers. The queers for Palestine is, that's fun.

What's going on? Well look You remember when you did our live show? Yes. Was it traumatizing? Yes. Yes. Why the because um the shit I thought where was one guy that was I mean covered in it was a I Don't know if you remember but it was it was like maybe I don't know if you remember, but it was like maybe 50 to 75 pounds of shit, like melting shit everywhere. It couldn't be, it was like in mud, like a hippo in mud, but it was pure human shit.

Oh yeah, I remember that guy. That was crazy. And then you were dressed as the- Oh yeah, the big-titted animal. Big-titted. Yeah. If you had a dick, I would've been in. Oh, Tina, yeah, you liked that. Tina. Yeah.

Yeah, see, like, so Tina, you dressed as Tina, if Tom had those tits, I'd be wildly in. Yeah, so in. If I had a heart on? Yes, but because you have a pussy, I'm out. Yeah, gross. Well, we have a video that they just put in my folder today that I haven't even seen.

Okay. But they said it's up there. Great. So let's see what it is. Okay. Hi, my name is Tom, and I see what it is. Okay. Hi, my name is Tom, and I'm a human toilet. Oh. I love to have my mouth used as a toilet, and my stomach as a septic tank.

Today I'm gonna brush my teeth with my shit. Oh. First I'm gonna put some Pistons class so I can use it for rinsing my teeth. What I really like, sorry just to start, a couple things. There's so much I like. A is that if you just crop the head, sorry just to start, a couple things. There's so much I like. A is that if you just crop the head, you just look at his face, you're like,

that just looks like a friend's dad who's really unassuming and he works in his garage. He's like, you see the game last night. Just the most wholesome looking guy. And also he's introing it like it's an insurance salesman instructional video, it's so normal. It's introing it like it's an insurance salesman instructional video, like it's so normal. It's soft, he goes, hey I'm Tom.

Yeah. This is brilliant. The delivery, hey I'm gonna do, but here's the thing, here's the brilliance of this. Hey I'm just gonna do this super weird thing. Yeah, and he's already shaking his head. But the way that he normalizes it for us, he's like I'm just gonna piss in this car

and then do, yeah it's not a big deal. We're responding to his normal energy and's what I do. Yeah, it's not a big deal. We're responding to his normal energy. And also what I like is he's classy. Look, he came out with a nice wine glass. He doesn't have like a bullshit solo cup. He's like, if I'm gonna drink mine pissed, we're gonna get out the fancy stuff.

I respect him already. Also, he gets into that squat so easily. So he's flexible. He's athletic. All flexible. I mean, look at the way that ball bag sags. It's not bad, dude Okay, so this is piss. Okay, pissing in and he's not circumcised which is odd for an American

It's a lot of piss Wow Colors pretty yellow Oh, it's morning piss. Oh, yeah, that's why favorite kind shit. Okay kind. I never do this shit. Okay, here we go. I'm always amazed at the timing these guys have. Amazing. How does he do this right away? He sends this in specifically for you guys or this is a video you found? I think somebody found it. That's a healthy log. That's a good... That's a big shit.

Wow! Wow! That is perfect! That's in any shit. That's just like once a month. What I'll tell you about this is my very, very novice knowledge. I was a physical therapist, so I am qualified. It's a healthy shit.

It looks like it would have been S-shaped. You see that curvature at the top? That means it's going through the colon properly. And he's not, he's eating well. Yeah. And he's high fiber. This guy is healthy. This guy's pretty healthy Oh my god! He's gonna eat the whole thing? It's so long! It's a footlong! Yikes! That's like nothing. The piss brushing of the tape is nothing compared to that.

Do you do shit? Well, you're brushing with shit. Look at it. Look at it. When it gets wet, it's bad. I'm dissociating right now. Yeah. I'm trying to tell myself it's a brownie or something. You do too? Yeah. Stickers. Yeah, something like trying to tell myself it's a brownie I don't like that he vomits like if it's this nauseating for you. Why are you doing it?

This is he's a human toy. Oh, he's gonna drink his pissed-out, which actually is better. It's like I like that this I can handle all day Yikes, no, is he coming off this is he rock hard? Chris I yeah On then he licks it off Where is the the hard-on part? You're right. Is it in the eating or is it an us watching him do it? It must be that, I mean, he drank his full piss. I'm sorry I couldn't eat at all. Me too. I'll do a better job next time.

That's what it is. You better, you better, big boy. That's what it is. It's the humiliation and he wants us to be horrified and he's like, I'm sorry, master, I didn't do it all. So that's for somebody, right? That's for us. So then what, do you think that his wife and kids just think he's in the bathroom? Do you think they know about this?

What because I don't know why Dark it's such a dark cake I don't know what I'd be able to do if I kind of found a video of my font see cuz it kind of makes me Feel like this this helps me though Personally because it makes me feel like so what I I talk about how I wanna jerk off to trans women. There's people eating their own shit and drinking their piss and brushing their teeth with it. They brush their teeth with it, it doesn't matter.

This guy, who is this again? Tom Pearl. Tom Pearl. Which sounds like a real estate agent, somebody, nice pillar of the community. Now I wouldn't, now let me ask you this. Would you see a video estate agent, somebody. Nice pillar of the community. Now I wouldn't, now let me ask you this. Would you see a video of this, would you see this and then not allow your children

to hang out with his children? Obviously. You wanna see something in the comments here it says? Obviously, because they're spreading the, hey can I go over to Jimmy's house? Where's his dad? Where's Tom? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. He says.

He's making videos. One of you kids come back with pink eye, I'll be pissed. It says here that his reason for doing this is that his family was really poor and he was forced to eat shit and piss as a kid. He now finds it arousing that there are people watching him do a devious act, which is his main reason. Well, I don't think that his family being poor

has nothing to do with it. His family may have forced him to eat shit and piss, but it wasn't because they were poor. Yeah. That you don't have to do that. No. You don't have to, I don't care how poor you are, you do not have to do that.

That's true. So he was abused and then he grew up and now he's fetishized the abuse. But you kind of rather, if we're being honest with each other, at least he's not out there having sex with kids. Yeah. Killing, mutilating people.

Oh no, I don't begrudge him. I'm not even like, great, I'm happy that he's happy. You mean, whatever. I don't care. You think you piss a little bit. You're not hurting anyone. I don't care. Whatever, you're shit, you're thinking piss a little bit. You're not hurting anyone. I don't care. And I'd argue, who knows what the benefit,

we have to talk to Dr. Drew about what the health benefits of this diet is because his shit is, that to me is a healthy bowel movement. And if that's what it's fueled on, his shit and piss. So, ultimately he's doing something right. Something right and he's not hurting anyone. Now, one thing I missed earlier is you were asking about the guy you're saying this

guy gay. I didn't realize that there's a video in here from him about this topic. Interesting. Okay. So people say that my work is quote-unquote gay and you know I hate labels but people just love this oh this is gay this is straight that person's femme that person's mass this is cis cis, this is trans. People think all these labels make them so unique when really they're all the same. They're just tools that the inorganic ones use to divide and control us. In reality, it's a patriarchy. Now this is not a bad thing. But in reality, you're actually gay if you don't

do same sex erotic platonic naked bonding. Because you're not going to have as high Testosterone is the average dude in my classes who's doing this regularly? He's plumping up his balls through these ball cupping rituals and sniffing the taint and doing all these sorts of things that the Spartans did to plump up their balls and Testosterone levels if you're not getting that vitamin of naked erotic platonic bonding, it's going to make you gayer. Yep. Right. If you don't do gay things that the matrix calls gay, then you'll actually be gay. Why? Because anything that the matrix calls gay, it actually makes you straighter. It actually makes you want to eat pussy. Right. That's what guys do. I like I'll have dudes sign up for one on one coaching sessions. Like two dudes will come on the Zoom call

and I will show them how to do like rump bonding where they put their butt holes together and then reach around and fondle each other's balls like the Bonobos do. And then the feedback is like, fuck bro, after we both had sex with our respective girlfriends and it was the best sex of our fucking lives, bro. See?

There you go. So he's encouraging you to just get out there and rub your asshole with another man and then that will actually in turn make you straighter. Exactly. Yes. Get it? Very interesting. Very, very. And also this might be the video

I would introduce to Jazz first. Yes. Yeah. So here it is. You wanna talk to, yes, you know what? You are correct. My asshole is a little bit more open than usual, but it's not because I'm gay, it's because I'm straight, I've been taking his classes.

Yeah, and I'm gonna do a little bit more, and then you're gonna get the benefits. Exactly, you've talked to me about, we don't go do enough oral, well, here's the route. Let me, I'm gonna rub my ass against our friend Pete, who you know, and do that, and then I'll go down on you. Yeah, open asshole, open heart. Open asshole, open heart. Shameless, fearless, doubtless.

Fearless, shameless, and doubtless. You remember. I literally cannot wait to go home and eat my own shit off a plate. I mean, could there have been a better therapy session than the last hour here? Honestly, I am full disclosure. I had a therapy call today and I Venmoed, my therapist, $150 when I could have literally just talked to you with an ice coffee

and a liquid death and had a good time. And felt like I've gotten it all off my chest and I'm clear, I'm clear. As crystal clear as I can be. Chrissy clear. There it is, Chrissy clear, dude. I feel, I mean, I feel good. I feel good about this.

And you guys save, you save people. Thank you. With this. Thank you. Because what we do in here is you just say, look at this. Now you watch this. You watch them eat their shit. You watch them come in their face. You watch them rub their assholes on.

And then you tell me Chrissy, what do you have to be afraid of? What is so bad about what you're doing? And the answer is nothing. I actually feel like, since you've come in here, I watched your anxiety spike, and now I feel like you've self-soothed into this really good place right now.

I do, I feel the calmest I've been in weeks is right now. Well, there's no shame at your mom's house. We try to dissipate any shame around anything a human being can do. How are you guys feeling? Are you feeling better? Feeling great, man. Yeah?

Can we do some TikToks? I'm so energized. You feel good? Can we do some TikToks? We only have a few. Yeah, there's only a few in here, but you can show it to them, yeah. Do you mind, Chrissy, if we do some TikToks before you go?

No, I wanna do them all, you kidding me? I'm here. All right, show them, here we go. I'm here, I'm too old to get up. Those are bees. This is a gig, you wanna clean out the bees? Jesus. There's so many.

Oh my God. Oh my God. That's delicious. So what is their job? Get the honey. I guess just get the honey, yeah. Wow. It's Asian. Yeah, that seems like not something that I wanna do., yeah. Wow. It's Asian. Yeah, that's, that seems like it's not something that I wanna do.

I don't have any allergic reaction to bees either. I just don't wanna. That's a lot of bees, man. I'd rather drink pee than. Really? I drink my own pee. Would you eat a plate of your own shit or do that with the bees?

I would do it with the bees. So you drink your piss, but what's it gonna take for you to, I'd rather eat to play with my own shit? Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Go for a walk in the woods with a man? All right, listen, I would rather have two cold sores than eat my own shit.

Wait, wait, wow. And I hate having a cold start. What about what I threw out there? What? You walk in the woods, and there's a man alone that you have to encounter, or you eat a plate of your own shit? I'd do the man then.

Wow. Earlier she said she'd rather encounter a bear. A bear than a man? What's the reason? Because men give forcible love touches. If you know what I'm saying, we're not allowed to say what the men can do to you and women are afraid of weird dudes.

And a bear's just gonna- Gonna maul you to death.. And a bear's just gonna- Gonna maul you to death. I was gonna say just gonna rip your head off. How much of the shit do I have to eat? You have to eat a plate, a plate. You have to push out what he pushed out. See, the thing is, that's such a big movement.

I don't think I can eat all of that. If I could just take a bite of it, I would take a bite of shit. Over meeting, running into a guy in the woods. Because those guys are gonna give you forced touches. Right. She thinks that every guy is potentially- I don't think every guy. I think a guy alone in the woods. Because those guys are gonna give you forced touches. Right. She thinks that every guy is potentially. I don't think every guy,

I think a guy alone in the woods is a weirdo. He's a Ted Kaczynski, Unabomber weird beard. What if he's just meditating? What if he's just in the woods? That's different. What if he's just like an outdoorsman? Just, you know. Yeah, what if he's.

He's gonna. He's gonna fire. What if he's in deep in the woods to hang himself? And he's like, what the fuck, lady? To hang himself. And I ruined it. Yeah, yeah. Ruined it all

He's not gonna forcibly touch you now What does a forcible touch even mean like he's gonna put his hands on your boobs when you say no he's gonna forcibly Put his man unit in my lady stuffs. Oh hummus cannon. Oh, it's hummus cannon. Yeah, right. Yeah speaking Yeah, the hummus cannon. Yeah, that'll solve that's that's how you get peace in the Middle East. We got this a Little shit right here. We watched this earlier, but it's worth revisiting I tattooed freckles for six hours today, which is like an ideal workday for me. My first client came from Arizona This is the pre draw that she approved. We did medium to heavy coverage and here's what it looks like fresh Yeah, it's intimidating.

It's super scary at first, but it's gonna heal so beautifully. Here's a closeup shot of all the detail that we packed in each freckle. My next client came from Montana. This is her third time. We've been layering and building coverage over time. So here are the healed freckles up close.

And here is her touch-up fresh. We started with light coverage, and I would say this end result is medium to heavy. The old and the new is gonna blend so, so well together. She does use tretinoin, so her freckles fade faster than usual. My last client of the day, she is an LA- This is so, first of all, I mean, this girl,

it literally looks like Tom's shit juice dripping off his chin speckled all over her face. Like it is, why would you do this? Like she's such a beautiful girl. Why are you adding, what are you doing that for? What is the point of that? Just, it's not, whatever you have is not an, I need freckles.

So I'm gonna tattoo freckles on. You know what it is? It's the same thing of like picking my pronouns and being different and special. It's a way to be special without doing anything. It's butt implants. It's the same thing. You're getting your ass implant.

You could, you know what I mean? No. You're manufacturing something that isn't real. Yeah, you're manufacturing something. And I think it's just a way to be like, I'm Zeffron, I'm special, I've got fuck all the hot dogs. Oh, these, these are fuck all the hot dogs. Like it's just a way for a girl to be like,

it's my thing. And you can remove them obviously, it's not like a two year thing. You've tattooed your face, that's what you did, but with birthmarks. Yeah. I don't approve, I mean, Irish people hate their freckles. Yeah.

People with freckles hate them. This is always how it is, if you have it, you're like, ah, fucking whatever, and then people go, I want it, and you're always trying to get something you don't have. You don't have, right. So true. What I think people should seriously start doing

is throwing their legs over their head if they have a penis and coming in their own eyes. And then we'll see. I wonder, I wonder if that's a good test. That's actually a good test. My son say, you know, I don't have, say my son is 18, 19 years old. And he says, dad, I really, I wanna change my body.

I literally, I hate myself, I wanna put freckles on my face, I wanna get a pussy, I wanna tattoo my head. I'm gonna say, son, listen to me. I'll allow you to do that. I have two requests for you. I have two things I need you to do. One, I'm gonna ask you to go into this room, Okay, I'm gonna ask you to throw your legs over your head

I'm gonna ask you to jerk off just pump it just jerk that cock and I want you to come in your face Okay, I want you to come in your own face. I want you to sit there for 10 minutes See how you feel if nothing's changed. I've left a plate and a wine glass I want you to shit on that plate and I want you to piss in that wine glass and I want you to eat that shit and drink that piss and come out and brush your teeth. And if you tell me after those 25 minutes that you still wanna change, I'll pay for the surgery right now,

I'll put it on my Amex. If you don't, then you don't. And we can go back to the regular scheduled program. He's gonna go, what the fuck are you talking about? There it is. There it is. There you walk out of the room. There it is. I've saved another life. Yeah. Scheduled he's gonna go the fuck are you talking about? I've saved another life

What's going on are you feeling unsafe done the solar eclipse why oh Because you don't have the proper glasses Did you try to ask someone if they have any proper glasses so you don't go blind? Oh, you did? And none of your friends are not listening to you and they don't want to give you any correct glasses? Oh, wow. So the teacher said they ran out? Wow, that's ridiculous, honey.

I am so sorry that you couldn't able to watch the solar eclipse today. OK, there you go. Christina, why do you keep putting this in? So he does these different scenarios to help women in sticky situations. Right. So he's like, play this audio if this scenario is happening. And he's gotten through a few different scenarios. But feeling unsafe during the solar eclipse. I didn't even think anybody had that one done yet. He did it. I just think it's great.

It's, yeah, I mean, listen, there's a, I get it, you know, like you, there's, people are scared of the darkness out there. Yeah. Right? And that's what maybe he was referring to. Maybe it was. And burning your eyes and like having selfish friends that don't let you borrow their eclipse glasses.

Yeah. Your friends are being mean, they're bullying you. And he's gonna help you. He's gonna help you out. I did the eclipse, I did it for about 10 minutes. Maybe less. Yeah. But did you see it get, did it get totally dark?

No, not really. It got dark here, it was crazy. We were over, it was over quick, we didn't care. It got real dark here. Like full, like it was the middle of the night. Yeah. At three o'clock in the afternoon. Yes, it was awesome.

That's pretty sick actually. It was cool. And you just did it right outside your house? Yeah, yeah. And then At three o'clock in the afternoon. Yes, it was awesome. That's pretty sick, actually. It was cool. And you just did it right outside your house? Yeah, yeah. And then the kids were like, and then they were like, yo. This is crazy. Is it night? Yeah.

Christina was like, nobody forcibly touch me. For sure. I feel like I've been doing the wheelies. All right, here you go. What's up, Stik Nation? I found this Scythe model. I thought I'd take it for a spin. Here you go. What's up, Stiknation? I found this Scythe model. I thought I'd take it for a spin. Here we go. Give it the ol'...

Stiknation. Ooh. Wow. What do you think? What do you think? I liked it. I mean, see, like that... That kind of ancient warfare like that... That... you'll get fucked up by that guy.

Yeah. Like, that guy will fuck you up. He is, he had to have blown his brains out moments after this was over, right? He just pressed stop and then. You think he sniffs taints and cubs balls? 100,000%. What I see right there in front of me is a free man.

Yeah, that is a free man. If you're doing stick videos, you're free. Yeah, dude. Well, see now, Christina, that's a guy you don't wanna walk in the woods and see. That's what I'm saying. That guy. No. That's a forcible toucher right there.

Yeah. And you can't do anything about it. Tom can't do anything about it. There's nobody, you're gonna get sticked. He's got that big ass stick there. You don't wanna walk into a member of Stick Nation. That's a guy who I would say, if this was ancient times,

you put him in the front of the line. He's a front of the line person. He's in the army. That's a you put him in the front of the line. He's a front of the line person. He's in the army. That's a guy I need in the front of the line. He doesn't have any values or opinions. I don't care what he has to say about anything. I need you in the front of the line. That's who it is.

And I bet you he's military. If you start a page called official stick reviews. Yo! You are fucking crazy dude. Well, and he has several other sticks that he reviews. You are fucking crazy. Well he has several other sticks that he reviews and finds in the woods. I mean he's reviewing them all the time. It's like having a five year old boy.

I mean we do stick nation reviews every day. Come on, look at those arms. He's jacked up. And my kind of thing is like, you know, like, I don't know, is he free or are we free? Cause I kind of feel like, yeah dude, he's happy. I wonder if he's happier than us, for real. Do you think that he, if you could just measure happiness,

I'm talking about just happiness, nothing else. I wonder if he's happier than you than all three of us. Who've been very blessed. Possibly. Because I don't think that, you know, like with us, it's like you're always striving for more, there's always something else to get, you can't really realize what you have already.

Wait, but hold on, Chrissy, but how do you know? He just wants a stick in the woods. But how do you know that finding the next stick isn't his thing, the bigger, better stick, the stick that's shaped different? It's possible. Think about the level of happiness he feels like when he found that stick, he was probably like,

ooh, you gotta fire up the fuckin', put the tripod out. Yeah. You know what I mean? He was like, I'm making making a fucking stick review right now I think when he puts that down he may be like I could have done better with a better stick Yeah, always it's and it's never-ending for all anybody right imagine. He has that stick and he sees a lone hiker He's like I'm gonna fucking make the stick meet that person's head Yeah, dude, I mean how do we get out the, how do you get out of the cycle then? How do you just get happy?

Who's actually happy then? It's a good question. Do we know? We don't know. I don't know. That's the whole thing about life is you actually don't know. I don't know. Yeah.

I don't know that the homeless guy isn't happy. People that tell you they're happy, sometimes they're full of shit. Some people don't say a thing and they're totally at peace. You just don't know. Right. You don't know? I don't know. But this guy, I don't know but this guy I don't know the vibe immediately was happiness and of course the man is coming on his own face. Yeah I think it'd be hard. He's probably running from something

I don't know what that is, but if you if we're just talking about happiness come on listen. I'm happy that you're here Thank you For those of you who don't know if you're still living in the woods doing stick reviews There's Chrissy chaos. There's hey, babe. There's also you have a special that you shot We don't know when it's coming out. It's probably gonna come out December January on a new on not a new platform But they've never been specials on that platform. So I think I'll be the second one. That's exciting Yeah, the second one and then um, and, yeah, I have shows in the UK coming up. That's my next big thing.

When is the UK tour? June 2nd to the 9th. Amsterdam. Right now. That's actually right now. Yep, and then co-headlining with Sam Morrill in Atlantic City. Oh, amazing. That's what we're doing,

the little co-headlining things. Why not? That's fun. That's a really fun way. It's so fun. I did it, here's the thing. It's a way less stressful time. Yeah. It's really nice. I don't care. I did it, here's the thing. It's a way less stressful time. Yeah. It's really nice.

I don't have to deal, and I also don't have that much new material. You'll have a lot of fun doing that. You're gonna wanna co-headline forever after that. I'm serious. Seriously, right? Yes, yes. Anyway, it's always fun to see you, man. Thank you. Thank you for coming.

And let us know how it goes at home. Please follow up. Well, let me see. Wow. Open? That me see. Wow. Open. That was tight. That was tight. Are you wearing jeans?

Yes. So that's a straight fart. That was a straight fart. That was a straight fart. Got it. Okay. Fair enough. We'll see you guys next week.

That was perfect timing. Thank you. How did you get that on time like that? You know, again, case for Christ, God's on my side. There's nobody better. You know that. Hi, I'm Peyton Lafferty. You know, again case for Christ, God's on my side. There's nobody better here than that.

Hi, I'm Peyton Lafferty. And a ball hog. Ball hog. I'm gonna suck your balls through your ass. I'm gonna suck your balls. I'm gonna suck your balls through your ass. Sniff my balls, get your nose in there. Oh fuck, get your nose up in those balls. Where's the comb?

Oh fuck. Where's the comb? Oh fuck. I am Peyton Lafferty, I am Peyton Lafferty, and I'm a ball hog. They just go crazy on the balls. Where's the comb? I'm Peyton Rafferty and I'm a ball hog. I'm Peyton Rafferty and I'm a ball hog.

Sniff my balls, get your nose in them. I'd do a ball scene for like $1,500. And I'd do the eyelash on the balls, and I I put my feet on the balls, like I'd be the ball queen. Which one of you dumb hookers out there would suck on my balls? Stiff my balls. Stiff my balls. Oh fuck, get your nose up in those balls.