Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Christina Has Tit Cancer | Your Mom's House Ep. 770

Episode Date: July 31, 2024

SPONSORS: -Amplify your chill this summer with Coors Light. Choose Chill. Choose Coors Light.  Go to http://coorslight.com/summermusic -Get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription - but only for our listeners - at https://Babbel.com/YMH This week on Your Mom's House Podcast, the Main Mommies are back from IT-ly and brought fond memories to share with all of us. After that Christina shares some super serious not so chill news that's going to shake the YMH universe to its core, mommy has the breast cancer. It was caught early and its a whole thing so I'll let Christina tell you the rest from there. Tim and Kristin also get a Tony Johns update, check out some more evidence from #FartGate2024, indulge in Magic Johnson's summer vacation pics, watch some TikToks, and as always keep them jeans high and muthafuggen tight! Your Mom’s House Ep. 770 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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All right, jeans, ready in chamesh, arva, shalosh, shtime. We are back. Very very excited I haven't heard Hebrew in so long I know it's so disappointing I need more Israeli friends we have not done this show in a minute it's so exciting to be back so good to be back in studio jean I think it's gonna be one of the all time great episodes today. There's so many great things to talk about. I do. Real quick, you come see the God. I'll be in Asheville, August 7th,

as part of the Asheville Comedy Festival in Asheville, North Carolina, at the exploreashville.com arena. The next day I'll be in Roanoke, Virginia, August 8th at the Berglund Center. You can get tickets for both at tomSegura.com slash tour. There's also a bunch of other cities listed there. Look forward to seeing you.

It's been a lot of fun. I've been having so much fun on this tour. It really is the best one that I've done and like the most fun. I have a great time on the tour. What's so fun about this one? I think that I have a lot of fun with the material I'm doing. I like the fact that it's spaced out

so you don't get beat down and burnt down by it. I've been having, you know, just bringing great people. Those shows are the ones right before some of the Canadian dates. So Bobby Lee is gonna be in Canada with me. He's gonna be doing dates like London, Winnipeg, Vancouver, Halifax, and Jessica Kersen's on them too. Oh, she's just amazing.

So she's doing all those Canadian shows with me. It's very, very fun. Like in Canada. I know, and I've been bringing, you know, just like friends, Jeff Tate, Kirk Fox, had Potter on a show not long ago. It's just been a great time. Jordan Jensen has come out and done shows.

It's just been, we've been having a really fun time. Just ball cupping and nipple sucking. Ball cupping rituals, anal stretching videos and rituals and yeah, piss on each other's drinks. It's just fun, you know? That's how it goes. That is the most fun. Yeah, yeah, so. Yeah, we got a lot to talk about today.

We were in Italy. Oh my God. I don't wanna go to Italy. We did that. That was the ongoing joke. That was the ongoing joke, yeah. I don't wanna go to Italy. We did that. That was the ongoing joke. That was the ongoing joke, yeah. I don't wanna go, and it's like Italy's so beautiful and magical.

It's really crazy. And they know it. These Italians, they know that their lives are perfect. They know it's great. Cause they're like, drink espresso in the day. They're not upset by anything. No. I mean, they are upset by nonsense,

but not real upset, you know? Like little discussion. Her pussy was not real upset, you know, like little discussion Her pussy was not that tight That kind of stuff This a pizza, he's a bullshit Yeah, that stuff, but not real stuff Everything was amazing I know I took a mild dose of Ozempis so that I could just maintain my weight

Yeah But the food was a killer, we ate like a couple of pigs Unbelievable Really beautiful, the kids had a blast They actually enjoyed it. And for other, if you're listening or watching right now, you don't know about Italy. It's really just that my father,

I mean, I got to the point where it was, I guess I would say I was probably like 30, let's say around 37 to 38, maybe like around there, where my career had changed to a point where I was making a good living. And I did the thing that I think everyone dreams of doing if you love your parents. You're like, I want to like do things for you. If you love them. Yeah, yeah. Only if you give a shit about them. For me, it's as far away as I can get. Can I move to Texas?

You got it. One day I'm with him and I'm like, hey, I'm fortunate enough to have this going well right now and I'd love to send you guys anywhere you want to go. All expenses paid trip for your parents. And he's like, oh, all right. Anywhere you want. And he's like, okay, all right. I'm like, anywhere you want. Like, and he's like, okay. Like, well, where would you want to go?

And he's like, I don't know. I'm like, Italy? He's like, I don't want to go to Italy. I'm like, why? He's like, I don't like their food. You don't like their food? I don't like Italian. And then he's like, you know.

It's the best. You use the Amazon shit, you know, and you look up, you see the painting, you're like, yeah, I saw it I'm like, that's your take on Italy. Yeah, I go. So where would you want to go? Maybe England. I speak English Okay, Australia, I was there once Okay, and that was that that was the end of the fucking thing

He had no desire anymore to see stuff. His dream vacation- This is before he got sick too. No, this is just since I knew him for 20 years. His dream was to get on a cruise ship. And go back to the room. Yeah, and lay in those paper thin boxers. With his nuts hanging out. Yep, and watch Turner classic movies.

Isn't this great? And he would say that. If you spent time with him in his state of rest, he would go, isn't this great? And you're like, this is pretty great, yeah. He would tell me too, like whenever you'd go out to dinner, if you guys were traveling, ready to go back to the room, buddy? Ready to go back to the room?

Well, we're in a city that we're visiting. You don't want to see any of it? He's like, all right. And then he'd kind of be like, all right, you ready to go? You ready to go to the movies? Movies? The movies. Wow. We're visiting a city that we've never been to together. We're in Vancouver. What do you want to do? Let's go to the movies. Okay. And now what? He's like, let's go back to the room. Okay. You go back to the room three days. He's like, when this a great trip. Yeah, which I wonder why the cruise

was because it was I know but when you think about it it's they're small rooms even if you get the deluxe cabin it's not huge it sucks it's because it's all self-contained and so the anxiety like he really you know he also didn't sit still I don't know if you remember he would always like right he was always fidgeting fidgeting yeahing. And the cruise is really comforting to that mentality. Okay. Because when the cruise ship, even like the party is moving, right? And the food, the entertainment, it all happens on this thing, but you don't have to leave the ship. It happens there. And I think he likes that, that it's all...

Right. It's all contained. It's basically, the ship is almost like the room. Right, it happens there. And I think he likes that, that it's all basically, the ship is almost like the room. Right, right, right. You don't have, you know, like it's just, it's great. He never, he would never get off. I mean, a couple of times, because he was just, you know, pushed it, but you want to talk about being back on time. I mean, if they're like, this thing takes off at 5 p.m.

fucking 2.30, he's like, let's get back on. Well, I don't, I thing takes off at 5 p.m. Fucking 230 He's like you let's get back on like well I don't I mean I have such anxiety about that the one time I went on a cruise with your family I remember we docked in Turks and Kakos take K Coase. Yeah, same thing. I was like man. We gotta get back Yeah, it's gonna it's gonna leave. I'm gonna be stuck here in this island. It's scary. I don't like cruises at all I don't want to be confined. I don't want to be told that the whistle blows and you go and you book do before. I would always tell them too, because they were like, let's go to on this cruise. And I was like, I don't want to go on a cruise. And they were like, well, I'd rather just go to like one of those places and spend time,

like, let's say in Turks and Caicos in St. Martin. Yeah. I'd rather sit on that beach and explore that area. I don't want to get off for two hours and come back, but he loved that. And I also don't want to be in the pool, the chlorine pool. Your mother's going to get off on the ship, right? Do some shopping or some shit. We did his voice the entire time, but mostly my favorite top dog is when he was going to retire and he had the great plan. That's the best ever.

Please do it. Please do the best. I love this. I could hear this every day. You know, your mother and I are excited about this new chapter, okay, of retirement. And what we're going to do is see the country, you know, get the car and drive Across the country. Your mother's never seen Vermont. She's never seen Maine. She's never seen the Grand Canyon Okay, and I'm gonna take and we don't have anything to do so we can just drive a few hours

Bring the dogs Stay at like a red roof in, and then drive the next day. That's what you wanna do. He's like, well, your mother's never seen any of this. I'm like, okay. And he would talk about this, not once or twice, for months, like I would say nine months, leading up to, let's say, six months before retirement. And then one day we were

all together and we were like, so are you excited to see the country? And she was like, what? And I'm like, you're going to get in a car and you're going to drive for months and you're going to see the country. And she was like, no. And I laid out the plan and she goes, I don't want to do that. And then he was like, Oh, you don't. I'm like, you've never pitched it to her. And he's like, well, you've never seen Maine. And she was like, I don't want to get in a car and drive to Maine. A car, not even like a motor home.

No, just a car with the dogs. How many dogs, five dogs at the time? See, I also understand why he liked that. He liked that. It was a Mission it was mission oriented. It was like yeah. Well, I have nothing to do Yeah So if you drive across the country It gives you a task something to do and then it would occupy his mind because then he was probably like back to square one Like I don't know what to do then. Yeah, that's true. Like it was that's a massive project. Yeah, it's a project

We've been just driving just keep driving driving now for seven months across The red roof in yeah, he said that specifically the red roof in and they could take dogs. I Did that as a feature act when I was super poor in starting out in comedy? They're not as glamorous as one might think. We like dogs. We have dogs. Yeah, it was all he gave the shit. And then one day he was just like, there goes my dream.

Yeah. Because she did not agree at all. She was like, she goes, do I have a say in this? And he was like, well, of course. And she's like, I don't want to drive across the nation. No, it was terrible. Yeah. It was terrible. Yeah.

It's terrible. And by the way, he didn't have the, you know, he was late sixties or getting into his seventies. He didn't have the endurance for 10 hour drives. That mean they were going to do like five hours a clip and be like, okay, let's spend the night after five hours. And then they would be three days in Florida before they got out of there.

Right. Well, and also if you have driven this country, which I've driven a lot of for comedy, is that you don't realize that this country is enormous and there are endless stretches of highway that just go for days, man. It beats you down. I mean, I did it in my early 20s. I did East Coast of Florida to LA a few times and that shit even at that age It beats you down. Yeah, you're talking about driving until you eyes are bleeding and you pull over and you're like, oh, yeah

You're just you're only you left Florida You're only in Mississippi or whatever and then you just fucking next day you drive all fucking day and you're still in Texas Yeah, and the foods terrible and the red roofends are not as glamorous as you would think. Brutal. The perfect summer playlist may be elusive, but one thing is for sure, it gets better when it's enjoyed with a cold Coors Light.

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Get up to 60 percent off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at Babbel.com slash YMH. Get up to 60 percent off at Babbel.com slash YMH, spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash YMH. Rules and restrictions may apply. One thing that did happen in Italy. So, you know, we flew a million hours. It's a 10 hour flight from Austin to Dallas to Rome. And then we're, you know, so you have, what is it? A seven hour time difference.

So the first night we land in Italy, it's my birthday. Yeah. It was, yeah. Anyway, I go to sleep about eight o'clock at night and I sleep all night. And I wake up the next morning at roughly eight, eight AM. Right. Yeah. Now you and Ellis, well, you were up at two 30. And then what did you do? Um, I took Ellis outside. We looked at the lake and and then I went and I went on a run. At three in the morning you're out in the dark running. Running and then I did a kettlebell workout when I got back.

Which is fine, to each his own, but I noticed that when you came into the room and I was opening my beautiful baby bird eyes just enjoying the Italian air and everything You are resentful of me that I had been able to sleep through the night. It was annoying Everybody had jet lag. Everybody was up. No Julian slept next to me. He and I slept together Okay, well, he's a child a baby basically I know but I feel like you and I said it to you you're resentful of my ability to sleep Why are you resentful that I slept? Well, I'll get into that in one moment after I play this opening clip All right, ladies Guys, once you have a vacuum for a mouth so they can so you can suck and come out the damn dish very quick. Looks like you. Don't bring anyone's

mother into this. Your mother in the fucking sand! Welcome, welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura Tom Segura and Christina Welcome to your

mom's house. Wow. Wow. I don't know what that is. Anyway, that's Canada, that's not the song. That's just the kick drum. Ryan Match, the match man, he made that in 2010. What's your brother talking about? Your twin? I know, isn't that cool he's fucking cool I'm gonna charge women $2,500 for my sperm raw dog in it give him my sperm to them if they want to do it for wanting

to do it yeah and couple hundred dollars extra to be in my own house. So if they want to do it, they want to be raw dog. And then you need to be raw dog. And then I got it. I'm gonna charge them. Twelve hundred seven hundred dollars. Oh, twenty seven hundred. It was twenty five hundred for the raw dog and then two hundred for coming to his house.

Oh, wow. Yeah. That's a, that's an expensive. And I was, I do agree. We do look a lot alike. Yeah. That's an expensive $2,900 guy. And I do agree, we do look a lot alike. Yeah. Ha ha ha. This is my cousin Todd.

Yeah. Why is his sperm? We also think a lot alike. Yeah. What about his sperm? Does he go into it? Why he can't commission? I mean, why do you just get it for nothing?

Ha ha ha. Don't just get it for nothing. Ah. Yeah. What a cool guy. But what, his mouth is a vacuum and sucks the dick juice out. No, his mouth is not. He said we want your mouth to be vacuumed. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

How come you never listen? I tried to, I can't understand him. Alright ladies. Guys, why don't you have a vacuum for a mouth so they can so you can suck the damn cum out the damn dick. Oh, yeah. Very quick. Very quick. Ha ha ha, cool.

This is really nice. You're welcome. Ha ha ha, what a cool guy. Didn't see a lot of that in Italy. No. Nobody spoke like that there. No, those guys are a little more low key. It's good to be home.

It is good to be home. So. So you're back to your resentment. Yeah, but here's the thing. Why did you hate me? Well, okay, so first of all, I was like this Anomaly the next day your jetlag adjusts slightly more everybody knows this who travels internationally, right? Your body clock takes a few days to get adjusted. So yeah the next day I slept till let's say

445 got up course, you're asleep got up Did another Run mm-hmm got back House is alive. The kids are up. Yeah, you know, we have breakfast. The kids are up at what time now? I think they probably go from yeah five right and then you know now it's like seven 730 everyone's like where's mom? I'm like, I mean she can't be I don't know if she's on drugs, 730. Everyone's like, where's mom? I mean, she can't be, I don't know if she's on drugs, but she's not up. So then I went upstairs and you're still, and then

another hour goes by, I'm like, this is fucking ridiculous. So when you get up and you're like, you're like, no, I'm just, could you open the blinds a little? Yeah, thanks. I'm like, okay, breakfast is downstairs. You're like, I'm just gonna sit here. And then you would just sit there for a fucking two more hours. And then you did this every day. You never joined your family for breakfast one time. One time.

No, may I explain myself? First of all, I'm so curious as to what, what is your disdain for my choice of what I do on my vacation? What does it bother you so much? It's not acceptable. What you did was unacceptable. What if I want to rest? I can't rest.

I want to rest. Get out of here. It's my vacation? Stop. Everybody's up having breakfast. Everybody. I wake up. For weeks. Everybody's up having breakfast. Everybody. I wake up. For weeks?

Need a few weeks to adjust? We were all up every day. I don't want to be up with you fools. I don't want to wake up with my kids on vacation. I do it all the time. I'm always the one that wakes up with those fuckers early in the morning, getting up, cooking breakfast. I don't want to do it on my vacation.

All right, well then now we got it clear. That's the trade off. You know what I want to do? What? I want to lay in bed, drink coffee. I don't want to do it on Let Me Kitchen. All right, well then now we got it clear. That's the trade off. You know what I want to do? What? I want to lay in bed, drink coffee. Oh, you did it. Scroll TikToks, take a shit, and then go straight to the shower.

I mean, it would be 10 a.m. And she's like, ah. I'm ready to get my day started now. It's like, oh cool, how was your 14 hour rest period? See, Amy gets it. It's vacation. Yeah, that's great. That sounds like a perfect morning. Yeah, I mean, get that. It's vacation. Yeah, that's great.

That sounds like a perfect morning. Yeah, what am I supposed to do? Up in kettlebells at 4 a.m. with you, you psycho. I'm a woman. I'm resting. That's what you do on vacation, you weirdo. You need to talk to your shrink about why it angers you. You need to talk to your shrink about-

What? Why did it anger you? I'm very curious, what do you think it is, Zola? Why did it angry? I'm very curious. So what do you think it is Zola? Why does it anger him? I mean, I get it. I do get it. If I went to like Italy with my girlfriend

and she slept the whole time, I'd be like, you can sleep at home. We could have saved like thousands of dollars. But I didn't sleep all day. Yeah. And then also, she'd be like, I'm gonna take a nap. And then she'd go up there and fucking Italy let's enjoy our time kind of on Christina side here because

Smart chat is like my mom does so much that if we were to be on vacation with her and she wanted to sleep in That would you know, it would be okay with us. Yeah, so much. Thank you You do so I do so much for the children. I'm 24 7 on mom duty. Hey When you're touring you're doing your thing who's home alone with the kids all the time this guy right here So when I have every other people there to take care of the kids guess what you guys can take care of Well, look, it's been 20 minutes. We were doing the show you want to take a nap. I wish I'm so tired We're doing the show, you wanna take a nap? I wish, I'm so tired. Why do you resent my rest?

Oh stop. It's just ridiculous. You don't even tell them about the gift I got you when you were there. I don't even remember, you came in me? Oh. Decorative armpit jewelry. I'm wearing mine right now.

I look so nice. That's so cool That's so cool. Yeah, what a neat when you grow your armpit hair out ladies, and then you get decorative Like little beads beads and jewels to hang from that's really cute. I know Annie's excited Honest thing I've ever seen Yeah, it's really nice. Mm-hmm sexy. So why don't you tell the audience? We were walking we by the way, I did a lot of stuff when I was awake. I don't want you to think I didn't. We were constantly exploring. Oh yeah, we went kayaking.

You wanna tell them about that? So we had stuff planned. Yes, we did kayaking. Sailing was fun. You wanna tell them who I did it with? I went sailing. Hold on. Let's do kayaking first, and then we go to sailing.

So kayaking, I've never done it before. It's clear. And I didn't know maybe we were getting a kayaking tour of the lake. I thought maybe the guy would paddle and we sit in the kayak with him. I didn't, I don't really understand what was it. Right. What's involved with a kayaking experience. Yeah. So what it is, is there's a guide who sits in his kayak and

then the two of us are in a separate kayak. Yeah, but you didn't know that either. I didn't know what it was. We didn't know. We were just like, well, what is this thing called? I've seen people do it in the lake here. But then we got into our kayak And we are each given an oar right which I've never done before And I'm paddling my little hard out hold on and the instructor goes, you know If you flip the paddle around it actually pushes the water So just so you guys know what happened She sat in the front like front, I sat in the back, and I am like a fucking seal, just like, and then I look up and her paddle is just, it's like

someone said, can you take the temperature of the water, and they just touch the water, and they go like this, and they just touch the water. There's no propelling, none. No like, so I'm just like, ah. But you like it. You love the fitness. So I'll let you do it. So you should actually be thanking me for your incredible workout. That was an incredible workout. It was more than an hour of paddling for the two of us. And then I just saw her just rest it.

She was like, ah. Just checking out the view. Oh, that was the best part. That was fun. So then you go to me and then you go, oh, I've also arranged a sailing thing where we can learn to sail. And I said, no thanks, Tom Hanks.

Trick me once, shame on you. Trick me twice. Go fuck your mother. I'm not learning to skib the jib-jab and squalor the honky-tonks and I don't want to sweat. I just want to lay on a beautiful boat. And what it was, was a... A lake Como. A sailboat just for me and I didn't have to do a fucking thing but sit there and drink wine with the sail guy who was like, you just came alone. And I was't have to do a fucking thing but sit there and drink wine with the sale guy who was like you just came alone

How romantic yeah, he and I just connecting on deeper levels. Yeah Yeah, he scribbed the jib jab and squonked a honky tonk. Yeah, I don't want anything to do You want to lay down or sure? Would you like to get the naked? Yeah, we got naked. Why are they French all of a sudden? Yeah. And he just like dropped anchor. He's like, you can swim here and I will watch you.

I was like, okay. Did you swim alone? Yes, I swam alone, yes. God. Yeah, he and I just talked about life, sailing. You look, we like different levels of intensity in our vacation activity. It wasn't intense to be a passenger. That's what I'm saying, I didn't know.

I thought you were gonna trick me and make me do all the sailboating, like kayaking was misery. Pull that rope, Christina, that! Yeah, yeah. I don't wanna be ill, I don't want anything to do with that. Because I'm a pug, as we discussed, we're both pugs.

I like vacation, I like good tastes, I like naps, I like lounging in the sun. So we go for a, we do walk around a lot. We went to Lake Como, so we're walking around during the day, and then you and I were walking around and we came down some steps. There's a big, beautiful staircase. This is how we get there.

There's an interesting story about this staircase. Do you know what it is? Go ahead. So the King of Belgium had bought Villa Giulia, which is this massive villa with crazy gardens. And his wife noted that the house was on one side of the lake, and they could see the lake, but she couldn't see across to the other side of the land and that lake. So they knocked down all the fucking trees

in front of the house and built these stairs down just so that this dude's wife could see that. It's called love, Tom. And I bet he didn't shame her when she slept in on vacation either. Yeah, but he didn't. But he loved his wife. So we're walking down these beautiful steps and to the right of us is a restaurant slept in on vacation either. Yeah, but he didn't. But he loved his wife. So that's why those stairs are there.

So we're walking down these beautiful steps, and to the right of us is a restaurant where the Italians are dining. And at the bottom of the steps, there's men, women on dates, sweet 20-year-old holding hands, they're walking by the lake. It's very romantic. And you rip the loudest burp. It was a massive burp.

That Italy has ever heard. It was one of those. Like one of those, yeah. It was multi-tiered. Yeah. And I was like, you gotta be kidding me. It was so loud. And there was a couple, so we were at the top, this is like a hundred stairs.

They were probably two thirds of the way down. And when I let it out, the guy, he went, he went, like he was scared, you know, he was like, what's that? Yeah. It was a twofold look. Cause I saw it. The first was, what was that? And then it was recognition of that. Oh, some fucking dirt bag. Ripped a burp yeah what an asshole and then there was like that European thing of like what are you crazy yeah what are you doing dummy and then what five seconds later a fart and that was right next to the restaurant next to the restaurant. There was next to the restaurant. It was so loud. And there was people dining on the patio. And they were like.

Yeah. Yeah, we're such American donkeys. And then we took our kids. You loved it. I love it. I love it. I don't care. Look, like they don't burp and fart in it.

Like give me a break. And then we went to the park and our kids were doing like the kids zip line. Yeah. Remember? And then we got on it too. And of course it's weren't too heavy. And it was like barely hanging on that

Zip line was like dragging. Well, you're you could kind of do it Mine I went right to the ground and then you can see other the guy was like there was a parent there Like what are you doing? It's really fun. Why are you stupid? Why? But I do like that when we're in Italy We have disdain for other tourists. That's pretty fun. Cuz I think you and I anywhere I go. Yeah anywhere I go. I'm like Look at them, they're such nerds. I'm a local. I have a Vespa here. Yeah, yeah, we rented a Vespa Valentina Valentina was beautiful gorgeous. Yeah stopped working because Julian turned it on 45 times. We know.

They're like, ignition is not functioning normal. Have you turned it on a lot? I'm like, yeah, I, a grown man, I sit on the Vespa and I turn it on and off over and over. All day, all day. No, my fucking five year old did. And they're like, this is why. I'm like, okay.

This is why. But there was a a time where so we pulled into this hotel You and I are on the Vespa and like sometimes they would speak Italian to us. Yeah, and that was like yes We passed for locals. Yeah, that was great. I would say just a few things back and they were like, yeah Yeah, what's your dad thing? Yeah, I like that I like like that we pass in for locals. And I also, I just love sitting around eating ice cream and watching tourists. It's a fun, people watching.

It's the best. And it feels like life kind of downshifts the whole thing, right? Everything's like, everyone there, whether they live there or are vacationing there, all have this way about them that is, this is an easier way to be, less stressful way of existing.

Yeah, it really is. Yeah. It was so fun. It was awesome. It was a nice trip. Can't say enough good things about Italy. Sorry, my dad never wanted to go, but- I can't believe he missed out on Italy. Yeah, I don't want some food. So, yeah, I can't wanted to go but I can't believe he missed out on it Yeah, I can't wait to go back I cannot wait to go back to Italy and there's so much of the country to explore

So much and I'm excited I'm gonna learn Italy and with you and you've been learning Italy on on the toilet on the toilet and then tomorrow I start with my tutor. I have a tutor. Look at you. Yeah. We're becoming Italian. Yeah. Hour of immersion. Okay, I have to peachy. Oh, go, go. Yeah. The road to getting engaged can be long and full of memories, or it can be short and thrilling,

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That's George Clooney's house. That's that, that, that, that, that. Right. And I overhear one sentence. Well, that's one of the good things Mussolini did. And I was like, what? Yeah. Which is interesting too, because you were in a heavy Hitler phase. You were watching those documentaries.

Jesus. What? It's an interesting sentence, yes. No, I mean, it's true though. No, I was watching, yeah, I did watch that. I mean, you know, I talk it's true. No, I was watching. Yeah, I did watch that. I mean You know I talked about it on stage how there's just so many docs and this latest one You're like, what am I gonna learn? Yeah on this that I don't already know. I gotta tell you a lot a lot a lot So much your friend circle grouper. Yeah

He that's his real name. His real name is Schickelgruber. He changed it to Hitler. Did you know that? I did not. Yeah, I didn't know that either. Schickelgruber. That's his real last name.

Definitely not as charismatic as Hitler. He didn't change it. His dad changed it. Oh, oh, interesting. He always changed it to Heiler, and through a still unknown clerical reason, it was changed to Hitler. His real last name is Schickelgruber. I'm so glad we all know that.

But they really built up the story of how he got to be the big time knucklehead that he was. And then there's a whole chapter with Mussolini and I was like, this is fucking great We're here in his house. And now we're learning about Mussolini He was a little rascal too. He was a rascal, but um, they were they got along, you know, they were buddies they Well, I mean and I like you know what I love about these documentaries when they show these guys Having a good time when they have video of them being like I'm like, laughing and having a time, you're like, ah, see, he's just a regular guy.

And old Mussolini, just fucking, just broing down, or just hanging out. Yeah. So, Hitley looked at Mussolini as the elder dictator like hey, how do we fucking do this shit, you know and Mussolini was like I'll show you what we do. I'll show you how we do it

This is how you fucking tell people what's up. They do look like bros though, don't they? They bro down hard. They bro down super hard Don't they like they broke down hard together bro down super hard? So Stalin not so much not as right there. He's like look at the tits on this broad Yeah, cuz Stalin doesn't look like he had any fun. Yeah, Mussolini had fun. He's Italian. Yeah. Yeah Hey, please the pasta. Yeah, he's he's having a good time So you get to it is actually one of the most phenomenal, it's a six-part documentary. It's the best one I've ever seen on the topic.

It's on Netflix. It just came out recently, I cannot recommend it. And you will learn more than just name stuff. They really piece things together incredibly well. But we were passing by Tremezzo, which is where Mussolini was executed and strung up. And they're like, yeah, it's right over there. And then that guy was like telling me,

I'll go right there. And he's like, right there, right there. That's where Mussolini was killed and displayed with his lady. And they still have a little monument, like this is where Mussolini was killed. And he was like, you know, Mussolini was a real bad guy, but you know, he did some good things.

And I was like, that's cool. Like, like what? He was like, well, national health care. That's because of Mussolini and, you know, kind of some social programs. I was like, yeah, you can't. You know, like I said, John Wayne Gacy was a great neighbor. He had barbecues and he'd lend you salt or whatever. He was a, you know, these guys aren't all one thing.

Nobody's all one thing. It's funny, but you've never, I've never heard those words put together. The good thing about Mousseline. Nobody gives any credit. They just go fascist, nationalist. And you're like, okay, yeah, you just don't want to paint him with that brush exactly So multi-dimensional give him a little bit of credit. It's a little more great, you know, it's not just black and white Anyway So so Should we tell sure. All right. Well anyway, you know your mom's house is obviously, it's our thing we've been doing for a million years.

And you guys have, this audience has been with us through the birth of our children, through deaths in the family, through everything. And I mean, I have like, it's so weird. Okay. I'll just, I'll just tell you guys what's going on with me. And I mean, ugh, it's so weird. Okay, I'll just tell you guys what's going on with me. So we had to cut our trip a little short cause I had a mammogram a little while ago and there was an abnormality and I have very, very early stage breast cancer.

Whomp, whomp. So, um, yeah. So, but it's totally treatable. I, the prognosis is very, very good. I will not die. This is not my last summer on earth. I've already asked everybody. And, um, the thing that's going to suck, I mean, it is highly treatable. I'm gonna be fine. It's just the, um, you know, what they have to do to get to be, I'm going to be fine, is just the, you know, what they have to do to get to be, they're going to be very aggressive and you know, so that's the part that's going to suck is like treating it. But look, this is still a big part of my life. This podcast brings me so much joy and I'm going to continue to do it. Uh,

you know, when I'm kind of up and running, I guess, I don't know. We'll see how it, how I feel. However you feel surgery. Right. Surgery first. And then of course, because I've been watching this show when part of the show, I know exactly what to do. You're in therapy. I'm going to be drinking my own urine starting now.

I'm drinking your urine cause you don't have a cancer. Um, and also like I, here here's here's my thinking with with this first of all, I hate I hate the phrase breast cancer I wish we could call it tit cancer. Like let's not please don't with your tits my tits and like I'm annoyed at the person. I'm gonna have to become now Like am I gonna have to be the pink ribbon wearer? Oh my god And then like I have to do a one woman show on being a survivor. You have to start talking as a survivor.

I gotta talk about it. I don't want it to become my identity. And like, I don't wanna tell, I don't wanna do the Instagram post of me in a hospital gown thumbs up and then go like, get your mammograms ladies, mammograms save lives. What about messages that people will send you? Well first of all, let me back it up.

You got this. Oh, oh, fuck you. Don't send me, you got this, mama. Or we're gonna kick cancer's butt. There's nothing worse when bad things actually happen to you when people send you slogans or platitudes. If you're gonna send me a message, which I do appreciate, I'm not saying don't, let's make it creative.

I wanna laugh. Do something different. Send me something. Send your boobs. Show me your boobs. Yeah. Why don't you send me something like, you're gonna beat cancer the way Hitler beat the Jews or you're gonna skull fuck this cancer.

You know what I mean? Sure, you're the patient, go ahead. Or just like. Stream of consciousness, let it go. That was good. Right, Tom? Yeah. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you're saying. I think maybe.

Blast it the way the, I don't know, I wanna say that one. What, what, what about, I don't know, I wanted to say that one. What about, I don't know, first of all. What? Isn't it crazy that women can vote? Isn't that crazy in a way? I had a female pilot a couple days ago. You're changing the subject already on this?

No, it's all related to you. Oh, okay. I'm just saying. So, I think maybe the message is like, let's get women back home. Let's... Back in the kitchen. Back in the kitchen, learn to make quiche, learn to make complicated dishes. Do you think it's because of my ambition in the world that God punished me with tit cancer?

It's quite possible. Yeah. My bad attitude. Yeah. I mean, I would send messages about what women should be doing, and it's not exploring or trying new things. Right. Thank you. Thank you for that. It's basically stay in bed. Stay in bed. That's what I like doing anyway. Also, the mammogram thing, I don't want to tell people to get mammograms. Sure. Why send a helpful message that could save another's life?

Don't get mammograms because I got a mammogram that ruined my summer vacation plans. So I'm just letting you know right now. Don't get one. Don't you dare. It absolutely, actually it didn't make, it absolutely saved your life because no, at a certain point it would be- But I ruined my vacation, sure. But it didn't ruin your vacation.

So just know that. It might indicate that something's wrong, but it might fuck up your summer plans So keep that in mind Definitely fucked up. You got this mama. Oh my god. You got this girl. We're gonna kick cancer's butt like Just anything but that can I get into some yeah a pretty major part of this. Oh, yeah, you actually have two operations major part of this. Oh yeah. Is that you actually have two operations. Sorry, I don't mean to laugh, but okay, well let's talk about how this happened.

So okay, first of all, let's back this ass up. So it all happened so fast. Like I got my momogram and then they're like, okay, you need to come back for another one. And of course my attitude is horrible. I'm like, fuck you, I'm fine. You know, I'm such a bad, like I'm a terrible person about that.

They go back and then they're like oh, we found something in the second mammogram, now we have to do a biopsy. And I was like fuck dude, the fucking biopsy, right? So of course they take a chunk out of your tit and there's blood everywhere, it's crazy. I was like dude, there's so much blood. And you take me to that, which was really nice. And then, um, so then they call, they always call it. Well, they always, I,

they call me on like Friday at 5pm and it's like, Oh, we found something in your pathology. You have cancer. Okay, bye. Have a good weekend. And you're like, no, dude, you can't tell somebody they have cancer on a Friday. And you're just left there the whole weekend. Just like, my life is over. Cause you don't know the extent of it. Like once you get that initial pathology, you don't really know what you're dealing with.

You just hear cancer and you're in another dimension. So like, I'm so lucky that I have nice friends like Duncan Trussell, who's dealt with testicular cancer and he helped talk me off a ledge. And I also planned a goth dance party with my closest friends that weekend. So like they came to Austin and we goth partied and it was, it was a great distraction. So Monday comes and you say you want to, we go to the surgeon, we meet with this, the surgeon and she's telling us what we do know now. Okay.

So we're, she's like, it's a discovery, da da da, here we go. So this is what we're dealing with. And she examines my breasts. Okay. Let's check the lymph nodes. Lymph nodes are clear. And she goes, well, okay, so we're going to do, we're going to do surgery on you. It's a partial mastectomy.

Okay. It's, uh, then I go, okay, great, great. And she's like, well, I mean, as long as they're in there, is there anything you want done? Right. Because it's a lumpectomy, right? Yes. But it's called a partial mastectomy. So essentially for people that don't know, that means they cut you open and they take

out this tissue that is the problematic tissue. But they also take out a chunk of tissue surrounding the problem issue, so that they call it the margin, so that they get everything. I don't wanna catch you off. Let's run a commercial and we'll be right back. And we're back.

Go ahead. Okay, so we're sitting in this woman's office and she's got my, you know, I'm open, my boobs are out. And she goes, okay, so we're sitting in this woman's office, and she's got my, you know, I'm open, my boobs are out, and she goes, okay, so we're gonna do the surgeries or anything. This was amazing. Yeah, anything you wanna do while we're there. And I go, no, I'm fine, I'm not very, I don't care.

Like, this is my life, I'm not very vain. Well, yeah, she goes, is there anything you wanna do to your breasts, because we're operating on it, so we can also, like, do something else. We can do cosmetic surgery to your breasts because we're operating on it. So we can also like do something cosmetic surgery to your breasts since we're operating on them. And you go, I'm sitting there. You go, I'm not very vain. I don't really care. No, I have to, can I tell you what she says though? She's, you say that you go, I'm not vain. I don't really care. And then she goes, I know you're not vain, but You go, I'm not vain, I don't really care. And then she goes, I know you're not vain, but this is all, it's burned into my mind.

Your nipple is down here. The nipple should be up here. We can do that for you. And then she says, wouldn't that be nice? But she does it by the way, she doesn't just point, she takes your, she takes your tit and she takes the nipple that's here and she lifts it up and she goes, wouldn't that be nice? I forgot that she actually touched me.

She lifted your tit. Oh my, I blacked out, I blanked out. And I was like. Savage. Savage. And like, in the moment I was like, oh yeah a whole thing. Savage. Yeah. Savage, and like in the moment I was like, oh yeah, that is really nice. And then later I thought about it,

and I was like, dude, that doctor, that doctor nagged me. Yeah. She pulled a fucking mystery on me, like that guy would be like, you're not that hot. Yeah, the guy who's like, wait, but I am hot. What if you did your hair? I bet you'd be a lot prettier and you're like, what?

Yeah. Yeah, she was like, you could fix your tits. You know? Yeah. She got me. She did. She got me. Now, but now I'm...

Well, I just, you know, this is obviously, this is a serious thing. This is a real thing. Yeah. And, and you know, the, the... It's a bummer. Well, the procedure to, to extract, it's, it's a, it's medically necessary. It's required.mer. Well, the procedure to extract, it's medically necessary.

It's required. Otherwise, things would progress. The fact that you have the opportunity to go bigger and you don't do it, though, is kind of heartbreaking. Because you're opting to reduce when you could just. I saw. You could go huge right now. I think that's kind of a selfish move. Keep going. When you could just Yeah, I think that's kind of a selfish move keep going

Well, I told this the so so there's there's two surgeons that are gonna work on me right when double-tits surgery double One is gonna take out the cancer and then the other one is gonna reconstruct and then I decided drum roll to reduce the size of? My tits now. I know that's gonna be devastating for you for everyone For everyone good. You're gonna have to come up with a whole new slew of they offered implants They're like we can do it. It's not my style. You could be triple G's Easily well when I told the plastic surgeon how big mine were, she went, oh, like she was like, oh, that's, that's big. And I was like, yeah, yeah, just bring me down like a normal.

This is a normal, like a C cup. And she's like, that's pretty drastic. You're in for a pretty drastic reduction. I'm like, well, yeah. So, but then it got me excited because I'm like, okay, yeah. So, but then it got me excited cause I'm like, okay, well look, this is, this is lemons. Now I'm looking at tits online, I'm shopping for tits. Can we do the liposculpting at the same time as my tits?

Maybe have my upper bleph work done? I don't know. I think while you're down, I don't know why you don't just do it all. You're down. At once? And they're already, yeah. I mean, you're gonna fix your nose, right?

You're gonna fix. What? My nose? It's bulbous at the end. It is not. It's bulbous and round. And they pull you back. They pull you here, you know? And you use.

Here? Yeah. You get some real lemonade. Like you really use the. Full body. Yeah. Do the mommy makeover? Sure. Yeah. Cause remember the the cancel. She's like you gorilla tits cuz she said that and cuz the nipples are Coco. Yeah, pull up cocoa. The gorilla. Yeah cocoa. I do have cocoa tits

yeah, it's so funny because Put up put go gorilla tits look at gorillas tits I have like gorilla tits from breastfeeding two kids. And you know, it's so sad Tom, because I had just gotten used to my gorilla tits. There they are. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what she said. That's what I am. That's what the surgeon said. Coco the gorilla tits. She goes, you have tits like a gorilla. Yeah. And you can. Do you want to change your gorilla tits

and the people tits? I was like, yeah, dude, I want fucking people tits. Man, she took them, they were where Coco's were, and she just goes, wouldn't that be nice? Puts them up there. I forgot that she touched them. Yeah. I was like in a fog that day.

Yeah, she got me. You imagine if we had the dick guy here, if he had pulled my dick out and been like, wouldn't this be nice? Wouldn't that be nice? Yeah, you know she'd done that sales pitch before. Oh yeah. Yeah, she did.

But I'm glad she did. Look, I'm not angry at it. I think it's a, why not? I've mentioned getting a reduction in the past. I normally, I don't wanna do surgery unless I have to. Yeah. I have to, so may as well Well, I got a treat for you. Oh, what's that? Just keep your eye on the screen. Okay

Now well Christine now you go good better cuz our PC's saying it's best for you and love that you get better We're not feeling well and hope you're feeling better We want you on your mom's house with your cheerful smile and your loveliness. You're the Mary Toddler Moore. Now you're the Mary Toddler Moore of our love. We love you. Get better baby. And remember smile on your beautiful cousin. When you get on there, everyone loves Christina and Tom and it's like, you're like Steve and he's like Steve and we love you. So get better baby and we love you. Come on, get on there and say hi to your buddy and say let's go farting and say mwah. Love you, get better now, we miss you and love you all.

Thank you. That was awesome, RPC's awesome man. He wore his best hat that says fuck on it too. That's really nice. That is nice, that's homemade too. And guess what? That's really sweet. There's not just one video.

No. Hi Miss Christina, hope I heard you're feeling very well. Now you gon' get better, cause we all miss your mom's house out there with that pretty smile and that pretty face. Now you know your pretty little thing. You gon' get better, cause RP sends his love to you out there

from Lucifer's Leon all over. Your mom is love you, and we love you. We love Tom, we love you. Now you gon' go get better, girl, cause you got a whole lot of hootin', a whole lot of fun, a whole lot of summer. love you and we love you. We love Tom, we love you. Now you go get better girl cause you got a whole lot of hoot now, a whole lot of fun, a whole lot of summer. We love you Miss Christina. You go get well now. You'll hear.

You did it with the cowboy hat. I love it. And the accent. I love it. RBC is going to say some prayers and send a lot of love to you over there. So take care and you'll get better and we wish you everything better cause you're a special little mama and we don't want you sick because we all love you. Mwah! And you go get better because I'll be sending his love and good wishes to you.

And you go get better and you're here now, come back and get on the air. Okay. He bedazzles everything. Yeah, he does. He does. Can I tell you something? If you had that guy, it's so depressing when you get like biopsies and mammograms and you go through a slew of tests when you get this diagnosis Yeah, I just wish something cheerful were there. Yeah, honestly like the furniture is from the fucking 90s It's horrible and also I hate it, you know hospitals. I think I talked about this a while back But like you you know, they're very that's very somber. I know. Like everything. And then I did a tour, cause I had donated.

I got a tour of Children's Hospital in Austin, down here in Austin. And everything is colors and bright. And there's artwork and the hallways turn because they studied that long straight hallways are more depressing. So they have like curvy hallways and like, uh, there's platforms outside with grass. So there's access to the outdoors.

And I'm like, and they're like, yeah, this is for kids and you'll get great. And you're like, why don't you just do it for adults too? Like, it's not like if you're an adult, you go, I want to be depressed in here. Well, it's already, you're already terrified. If you're, if you're getting an breast MRI, chances are it's not a good reason. You're there for a bad reason. And the furniture's from the 90s and the walls are just sterile.

And it's like, it would have been nice to have just a piece of artwork. Or a guy, a gay man in a cowboy hat. Just walking around the halls. That would be really cool. Yeah. I thought this might make you feel good too. Just to cheer you up. Sure. Look

Look at that. I got it Did you read what it says on screen? I don't wanna I don't wanna just read it. You do. I kiss in missionary missionary while rubbing your clit You don't wanna. Just read it. You do. I kiss a missionary while rubbing your clit. You don't want this. Yeah. What if that was part of your treatment? I'd rather have cancer than... Stage four.

Again, just reiterate one of your big messages. Right. You don't wanna be the get your mammogram person. No, so remember don't get them Because it could ruin your vacation. It'll fuck up all your summer plans Could inform you in a very meaningful way You don't want that What are you gonna do with that my I'm gonna have tinier tits now I mean seriously, I did worry for a minute when I was talking to the plastic surgeon

Like you've only ever had me with gigantic state droopers. Mm-hmm. I've only been hanger stick gonna be a whole new experience Should I and also we didn't talk about that. I've been practicing my This is another bit we've been doing where you pretend to be sad if I die do you like oh your wife is dead It's time to go on. I don't know. Time to go on. You sure, right? Yeah.

Gotta rock and roll. Yeah. You would do that if I were like in the hospital and they're like, no, just stop breathing. You're like, she was fine a minute ago. Just like, no. No. Then I go like this. And then I look at the back and then I go like that. Wink and they're like, jeez.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't want to be like the cancer lady. I don't want to talk like, I have to wear a pink ribbon now and do that whole fucking thing. You don't have to. I think this cool new path that you're designing for yourself as the I don't want to warn people is a really interesting lane. I think they would really appreciate you in the field. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had it. Fucked up my whole vacation. It's a cool lane.

Well, okay, if we're being serious, I mean, yeah, thank God I did go for my momogram and that they found it because my doc was like, you know, the chances of them catching this is pretty slim because your tits are so big and fibrous and dense and huge and enormous and sloppy and hangy and ape-like that it's true that, you know, she's like, you're really lucky. Yeah.

Because they're tiny little things. It's not like... And actually... It announces itself. No, no. And the people that did the scan and read the report are pretty amazing. What they find are salt-like crystals. Yep. I mean, think about a grain of salt. I know It's so and it's funny cuz the and these go that's cancer. Yeah, it's crazy cuz the the radiologist

They're read it even like he looked like cancer. Yeah, like he came in and he was like bald like you But like no facial hair, you know, like those like pristine fucking doctor hands and I was like fuck this guy looks like it He's gonna tell me i'm fucked up. You know, you just know it and they're like no you're fine It's likely nothing. I'm like, yeah, I I know what it is and they can't tell you shit like when they do your Your mammogram the person that reads it they can't tell you anything and you're like, oh I thought I know it I know I got it you bitch, but they can't tell you I get that I know Subsetting you got this mama. You got it I Thought this would actually make you happy for real for real happy

Do you get diarrhea? Yes, I get diarrhea my immediate reaction is oh my gosh I'm in trouble. I use kaopectate cause it works. Kaopectate stops my diarrhea. I rely on it. Oh my gosh. I knew you would like it. That is not how you react.

Oh my gosh, I'm in trouble. Oh my gosh, I'm in trouble. I knew you would like that. I knew you would love that. I knew you would love it. I get diarrhea. Oh, can I tell you, I was most disappointed to tell my health news is to, I was most disappointed to tell it to Annie. I feel like you're going to be disappointed in me that I,

I didn't beat this with my mind. Cancers cap. Right. I feel like it's a sign of weakness that somehow my Eastern European cockroachness did not defeat this. How did I, how did I let this happen? I mean, you haven't even given it enough time yet. I think you're beating it right now. What do you mean? I see you beating it right there. You don't look sick to me.

I'm not. What are you talking about? You're talking some bullshit. You look great. I've been drinking my urine from the minute I found out. That helps so much. I don't waste a drop. This is a good point. And coffee enemas.

You gotta rub it in the skin topically. I've been asking Will Blunderfelt for some of his urine, the triple solo shaman, because it's got just a little bit of testosterone, a little spermadone in there. He was on Behind the Genes with Josh Potter. urine the triple sol shaman because it's got just a little bit of testosterone little spermadone in there He was on behind the jeans with John Potter Here's

Explain breath of fire for us So I used to be addicted to coke and alcohol and this is like the cocaine of yoga and what you do is you Actually squeeze your anus slightly close your piss piss slit slightly, and close your PC, your pubic oxygeal muscle, like the muscle you would use to stop the flow of piss. Yes. We call that the three gates of your sex palace. Let your sack drop. Let your balls hang over the edge of your chair. I want you to draw your consciousness down into your anus, sex organ, navel point. Your anus slit close.'re going to start to pump our bellies in and out. So with every exhale, I want your navel point to just go in a bit.

So it's like you're stoking a fire. And in your mind, if you find your mind's wandering, vibrate the mantra, Soham, Soham, Soham, which means I'm protected by all that is, and I'm part of all that is. Start to speed it up. You can do it through your mouth if you want to. Soham, soham, soham.

That beautiful anal ring. Soham, soham. Everybody inhale. Squeeze your anus, sex organ, navel, roll the eyes up. Oh, exhale. Like I was gonna pass out there for a second. That was great. Nice, bro. How does it feel? Feels good. I've done some money, a lot of breath work in my time. And that one was my favorite. I like focusing the energy in the most important areas. My penis and my balls.

I have watched the clip of him doing that on this show like 50 times. He's like, squeeze that anal ring, that beautiful anal ring. He's got that Canadian accent. Well, send me some piss. Potter's doing great work by the way. Oh I bet. Yeah he's doing great work here. Are you ready to, I know because this is what we talked about, what? To finish this did any fart investigation? I've been thinking about this. Look at him shaking his head. So wait, just to fill people in, basically the whole staff accused Eni of ripping a monster fart in the lobby. And they said they came out of rooms and Tanner was in there and they're like, it was crazy. And he was like, that's 100% not true.

That is not what happened. And then they said there was footage, like camera footage from the lobby of when this happened. So let's see, this is called any fart footage. Let me put my glasses on. Yeah, you ready for this motherfucker to narrate you? This is called any fart footage. Let me put my glasses on Yeah, you ready for this motherfucker to narrate you. Yeah, let me say you a little story. Let me say he fucking me Okay, hold on there's any he's sitting down right in the chair

Yeah, you can see him lift his leg and no way who else is sitting in the office here It's me and Tanner. Oh, the two of you. Sorry. Both of you. Okay. So he's in the white shirt against the window there. Okay. That's Eni.

Okay. He lifted. I saw the lift. Yeah. I saw the head up. Oh. Yeah. What's that?

What are you saying there? Do you remember? Me? Yeah. So I'm saying, why can you fart and I never can? And even in that moment he's like, I didn't fart? Look at him. Yeah, he's denying.

He's saying I didn't fart. Why are you farting? Yeah, but listen to what we're doing right now. Listen to what we're doing. And then they're like, what was that? This is crazy, man. Now I see how the news does it. Now I see how the news be getting away with this bullshit.

No, this is CNN. You're right. This is exactly the same. No, this is CNN. You're right. This is exactly the same. Well, so that Heather, everybody's out. They're both like, that was a pretty crazy fart that we just heard. We were in the office. I'm getting that. Yeah.

Okay. So then I have another one in there because I knew anyone would kind of say that this isn't exactly proof. Well, does anybody fart like disrespectfully, like openly here? Go ahead, Zolo. You've known me for how long? Uh, going on six years probably. Six years.

Yeah, no, any is definitely not one to let farts fly, but I feel like it's not really a thing. I mean, you're really the only person, Tom. Really? Excuse me. That's like really showing off your farts here. But I feel like, but Studio Jeans has an open fart policy. I don't know why we're-

The burps are crazy. Everybody's burping. The girls are like belching. Like it's wild. Look at her nodding in the back. She's like, yeah. But the fart culture here hasn't really evolved to that yet. The crazy thing is at the end of that episode, when we were, you know, first

arguing about this, any farts into the microphone while we're recording, so I go to look for that footage. What? Yeah, he farted right into his own microphone right when we were doing the tape. Show the tape, show the tape. Why would he fart into his own microphone? Wait, when did he do this?

It was at the end of that episode when we were arguing. Then he guess we weren't recording anymore? No, we were, and so I went to go get the footage, and right when that happens, the screen goes black and then the fart sounds, but it's got all this echo and reverb in it. So he went in and manipulated the footage. I can't fucking believe this. You're literally this is fucking psychotic, bro.

You're going way too deep for this shit. This is insane. I don't fuck with this shit, nigga. This is crazy. I swear to you, I don't fuck with this shit nigga, this is crazy. I swear to you, I don't fuck with this shit. I will say, watching the, any farting footage, the camera, hidden whatever surveillance, I just saw a leg lift, I didn't see a,

I just saw him like tap whatever. Well that's why it went. And that's not a fart. Chaz, bro, I'm the most fidgety motherfucker ever. You could look at me through the rest of that video, I bet you're gonna find me lifting my leg up 800 more times So I'm moving all the time that's so I'm an audio guy and so yeah, you know, there's all these hamper with the footage though I know there's all these audio guy

There's all these new audio tools and with AI and everything you could actually what I was able to do was dig into the metadata and extract What the audio was actually like. Okay, that's what this says here? Yeah. What? This is fucking, I swear to God. Oh my fucking, you see this shit, man? So he be the one talking about, yo.

And that's him snow farting there is what you're saying. I'm fucking, this is dumb, bro. No. This is dumb, saying. I'm fucking, this is dumb bro. No. This is dumb bro. I'm fucking, yep. They sound like Charlie Fart. Ugh.

Ugh, yeah. No, it's so snappy. No, it farts. That does sting, you can feel that. Well. There is that, yeah. It's inconclusive. The point is that there really is,

I mean that video in and of itself is interesting and you can narrate a story, but it's also not damning, right? It's not conclusive evidence. But it is fascinating that the girls leave it and they go right there. I mean, right. Why would they? Unless Chad is framing any.

Chad farted and then you see any go, you see any go, what the fuck? Are you saying, cause the one thing that there's that I can't deny, everybody says they heard something that day. Everybody. I mean, are you saying that somebody else farted that day? I don't know. Or you didn't hear something that day? No.

If I heard a fart, I definitely would be talking about it. There would definitely be a conversation. And then Chad was there, but also Tanner was there. And Tanner claims... You want to know something too? Tanner was... Chad put him on getting the footage So he looked in the footage found a different moment that he was like

This is the one that was Tanner Tanner found a clip of him in any dancing We were dancing that there was a song playing so it was like he was like this is the moment and then we we played it I did the apparently I farted even I wasn't really moving and then we go and him and I were like dancing for a second It was like that's me farting and Chad's like no no this not it. That's not it The whole problem with this footage is the audio Yeah, we need to have audio as well as visual proof and we don't have that we don't we do have any farting into his microphone If he will admit that it exists and he what he did with it if he could show us where he put it you change The footage yes what he did with it if he could show us where he put it you change the footage

Yes, he did. Oh, why would he do that? That's because he's trolling me He goes to great lengths to play these games, bro. I don't touch files man. I don't edit no more I don't even have premiere on my computer dog How am I gonna do any of these things that you're saying with all this time that I have nigga? I'm fucking this is crazy, man I'm a technical director, but I don't got time for this nonsense look at what you've done there's a whole fucking podcast world sees this now niggas gonna be talking about our farted bro why are we doing this man cuz she crazy this is crazy this is well to be continued. And we'd like to hear from you, if you're a legal expert,

and you feel like you can kind of point us in the right direction here. We're looking at forensic video people, forensic audio people, lawyers, judges, DAs, assistant DAs. Let us know what's the right thing to do next. That's true, we have utilized the law. Maybe we should use, you know what we could really do?

What if we did our first ever YMH trial where we get a 12 person jury. Oh my gosh. That's a great idea. Jury of your peers and have them decide what happened. That's a fantastic idea. That's pretty cool, right? That's a fantastic idea. There's a cool, right? That's a fantastic idea.

There's a courtroom we could use. I know where we could use one. Let's do it. This is a great idea. Yeah. You guys need defense lawyers, though. You guys need a lawyer up. Yeah.

Maybe there's some nice lawyers out there. No, no, no, no. I mean, they don't like, there's a prosecutor here and there's somebody who's being attacked, and he's on defense. He needs a defense attorney. The prosecution is gonna be working with Chad's team. I mean, they're accusing him of something,

and he's defending himself, which he has every right to be. And let me be the first to say, you are innocent until proven guilty in this country. That's right, Tom. This is not Mussolini's fuckin' Italy, okay? It's gonna be hard to find an impartial jury because everybody here heard him fart. Oof, I mean this just, you know, you're gonna have to call witnesses. You're right, you already have everybody under you, so yeah, I wouldn't be able to trust any of those.

See, was that me too, Chad? Is this me that you're hearing? No. Oh. Just a guy then, yeah. We have an incredible update. I didn't think this would happen. Okay. This is a...

This is a YMH exclusive. Um... This... I didn't think this would happen. I thought we were going to be reading about a funeral before we read about this. Okay, you ready? It's me, Tony Jones. Yes! My favorite.

Just wanted to let everyone know, I don't know who's running this page. He's talking about a Reddit page dedicated to him. But I moved out to New York now, probably the best decision I've ever made. My adopted mom and dad passed away out west. So I found my real biological mom and my biological family out east in New York.

I'm living a great life. I'm back working. I love my job. I love my coworkers. My old Twitter account did get hacked back in 2021. So I've been off social media networks for a long time. Now I'm doing amazing out here in New York. I've got my family and my friends around me at all times.

I've stopped partying. I've done a total 180 with my life. I'm loving life now. I haven't had a drink in almost five years. Wow. Walk on a DUI, baby. And I'm doing great. I'm making good money.

I'm living with my biological mother. Now I'm working a lot to try to focus on me and my family. Just wanted to let everybody know that I finally made it into the world. Sometimes you just have to pack up and go. When I did, my whole life changed. It's sad but true. I don't know who runs this page.

My old Twitter account is TonyJohns000, but I have not been on any social media platform since 2020. My life in New York has strictly made, make money for my family, help out, keep moving. I did open up a Facebook account. The name is at Anthony Cook. Anthony Cook. If anyone wants to look me up, feel free. Anyway, have a good one. Just want to let everyone know I'm doing great out in New York. That is amazing. So we never hear positive cool guy updates and never never and it's really actually I

Find that to be really sweet. It was it was it got real dark It got to the dark point where I remember there was times where we had some Tony John updates over the last few years in this in the form of like videos We were just like this not play this is too it was depressing and so to hear that he's doing you know you know 19 virus better is, um, is a fantastic. He brings me so much joy. And the fact that Tony is with his biological mom now and he looks great. Look at him got a tan.

He's got the watch still. Oh yeah. Big watch. That must be like a fucking 50 millimeter. That's really crazy. But, um, good for him. Yeah, he looks he definitely looks better Is that the the new Facebook account? Yeah, it is anything else on there bunch of photos with families is

uncle apparently Everything I know and he's by the water. Oh I know and he's by the the water. Oh He looks great looks he looks really good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's definitely stopped doing stuff They've got a job at Lowe's. Okay good for him. Good job. Oh, yeah Lowe's good that'd be wild to walk into a Lowe's. Um, I want to take a pilgrimage there just look at him take a pilgrimage there just to- Look at him. Oh, let's go. Let's go to-

Can we go find him in Lowe's? I would love to find him. Oh my God. Yeah, so he really turned it around, man. He did. And just so you know. There we go, that's the Tony I know. Double fucking bird, double bird.

Look, he doesn't have a drink in his hand, you know. Well, here's the thing about drugs and alcohol. Don't do it, it's bad. And he knows that now. God, he's so thing about drugs and alcohol don't do it. It's bad and he knows that now god He's so skinny. He is he is but I think he's always a lean guy. He's long and lean Mm-hmm, and I don't see any beer cans or booze around him. He's doing great. Yeah. All right Tony Johns You know, I think about him every 4th of July. Yeah, he's the Official guy for us. He is the official guy. Relations in the mid. Go and get a DUI, baby.

Yeah. Good. Well, that's great. I'm really happy to give you the good news on that, on Tony John. Me too. Oh, I also have an update. Go ahead.

You know, I was thinking about how I offered to go airtight to bring Oasis back. Very cool, yes. I'm willing to make the sacrifice between Liam and Noel Gallagher offered to go airtight to bring Oasis back. I'm willing to make the sacrifice between Liam and Noel Gallagher, the Gallagher brothers to reunite with Oasis. Now we had a problem last time, because we were just talking about Liam and Noel Gallagher. I mean, I guess not really airtight. But you know what? I forgot there's an another Gallagher brother.

There's a third Gallagher brother. So I can actually go airtight. So there you go. It could be my make-a-wish if things go real south here to offer myself as airtight. And the real question out there is, what are we doing, boys? Are we gonna fucking, are we gonna make the band? Is that the third Gallagher brother?

It is. Uh-oh, okay. He doesn't look so much like the other two, but. Well, someone's gonna be laying on their back, and that's him, that's Paul. Paul. So Paul is in your Vigene, cause that's who the-

Hold on. No, that's how it works, listen. What do you mean, why? Let me tell you how it works. So, the big boy lays on his back, he's the big guy of the bros. He lays on his back, cause he can't do the other positions.

So he lays on his back and you sit, cowgirl, on him. And then one of the other brothers stands, because it's too hard, and does this, and the other one stands here. He's not going to be, so he's your Vigene. Wait, can I get Paul to go mouth? Can he stand at least? No, it's way too uncomfortable. What if he sits? No, it's sitting at, no, he's gonna sit, he's gonna lay on his back and you're gonna squat over him.

He looks thinner there. Yeah, he is. That's a much older photo. I don't know if you know how time works, but that's from fucking 13 years ago. I can tell you're upset about this. No, I'm upset about the fact that you're not accepting that he's gonna lay on his back And you're gonna squat over him. I Don't know what's hard. You don't like Oasis. You don't want to hear good music I'm the one that's telling you how the how the layout's gonna work You got to have a one of the brothers in your mouth who you know and one in your poop chute. You fucking asshole. You're so hateful. Oh, it's funny.

God, I wish. You know, there was talk of them doing Glastonbury. I think every year there was like the threat of Oasis coming back. It never happened. Never happened. Yeah. Maybe you could make it happen. I know. Maybe. What can I do to get Bauhaus to tour again?

You know what we could do next? After surgery, we send them a message. You like new tits? And we send them tit photos. Yeah. I've been looking at tits a lot. It's so fun to look for your potential new tits. Dude, you realize too, like, I've been dressing at tits a lot. It's so fun to look for your potential new tits. Dude, you realize too, I've been dressing around big tits my whole life

because I've always had these monsters. I'm gonna get to wear totally different fashions. A whole other fashion line. True story. That's exciting. No, that's exciting. I've always had to go around this flaw of mine. I'm always hiding my tits. If you see me in the specials, how I dress,

it's always to conceal how enormous my tits are because they always look bigger on camera. So like I'm always having to be like, no, Matt, you know, conceal, ugh, it's gonna be kind of a relief, you know? Of course. The Gallagher brothers are gonna love it. They're gonna love it. I think they're gonna love it.

So this is exciting. Every summer, I look forward to only a few things about the summer. Most above all, it's that Magic Johnson goes on vacation. And when Magic Johnson goes on vacation, he goes on an all-star, five-star yacht in Europe every summer. And he always brings along a crew,

usually, I mean, obviously his wife Cookie, he has invited Sam Jackson and his wife multiple times, Cedric the entertainer, sometimes other people join them. But the best thing is that he posts every day when he's on vacation, and he has the most wholesome captions ever and these are some of them from this year He's been on vacation for like a couple weeks now. It's fucking amazing. Okay Today cookie and I enjoyed a beautiful day in Ibiza, Spain

We had wonderful lunch at Juan Andres Forte Mentale, whatever for men lunch at Juan Andres Forte Mentera with our friends John and Vicki Palmer, Sam and Latanya Jackson, and Cedric the Entertainer and his wife Lorna. I encourage everyone to have lunch right on the beach at Juan Andres. We ate the catch of the day fresh sea bass and lobster. So delicious! Exclamation point. Exclamation point, right? Sweet. And then this totally sweet smile, right? And you're like, oh, next day? Look at the amazing sunrise I got to enjoy at 6 a.m. this morning before my workout in Spain.

So sweet. Big smile. Oh, he's up at 6 a.m. on his vacation. Yeah, because he knows he's a fucking regular man. Jesus. Wow. We want to thank the Phoenix 2 staff for throwing the grooviest 80s themed party tonight. We had the best time and danced all night long.

This is exactly- It's the opposite of who I am. Like, there's like a, this is kind of like how a child would post, you know? Like their first vacation. Your first vacation ever, you'd be like, we went to and they had food there and it was so good. That's what you'd do on your very first vacation. Cause he's an old person.

He's done this a few times now. We just finished a fantastic dinner. Mammo and Michelangelo with our friends, John and Vicky, Sam and LaTanya, Cedric and Lorna. It was a great way to end the night here in Antibus, France. A special thanks to restaurant owner Mammo, who has been our good friend for 30 years. Thanks for being an amazing host. You know, I always admire people that have the discipline to be like, okay, everybody line up. You stand sideways. He does it every day. He's

like, get in the photo. I can't do it get in the photo every day. I can't do this. I can't do this. We brought out our Italian flair with our Dolce & Gabbana outfits for dinner tonight in Portofino, Italy. I'm such the opposite. I can't wait to hide from people. I don't tell anybody where I am.

And they're both this happy. Look how happy she is too. They love it. They're so joyful. They're hosting it this happy. Look how happy she is too. They love it. They're so joyful. They're hosting it. I mean, that's such a joyful. I know. They're so innocent and sweet. That's the thing that's so like interesting about it is you're like, well, what is it about this? It's that I don't see really anybody doing this. And it's actually, you have to have like a level of not caring and you can't be self-conscious. That's sweet.

And it's sincere. It's very sincere. I know, I like that. You know what I like? It's like when, um... We had another fine dining experience at the Grill restaurant. You know what it is? I'm telling you something.

It's like when Joe Rogan takes pictures with people. You know what I like? He always smiles. He's never like too cool for school takes pictures with people, you know what I like? He always smiles. He's never like too cool for school. Oh, sincerely, yes. Yeah, like when Joe is really that guy. And I like that. This is the magic and cookie thing of like, this is, this might be just how sweet he is.

He always takes sincere photos. That's true. The scenic view from the restaurant was just as unbelievable as the food. I wish I were this normal. Don't you envy as normalcy? Yes. Like, I can't do this. I can't even get like our kids together to just take a normal family photo. I can't do this. These are the same people that send out Christmas cards and shit. It's a Christmas card culture. And maybe, cause there's probably some people listening

or watching being like, what is, how is this? Because I also think that Christmas cards, you have to be like really sincere. And I guess I'm just not. Well, I also, I don't have a need to report stuff to people. I don't want to report to anyone. Yeah, like I'm like, I don't, cause in my mind, I'm like, well, what do you, the reaction you want to elicit is what?

Like good vacation, magic and cookie or envy? Does he want us to be envious? Melissa had a great year. She got into gymnastics and she's doing fantastic in school. No one cares. Oh, good. Nobody fucking cares about Melissa. But I'd be afraid that I'd be inciting envy in people. Like, oh, you're on a fucking yacht magic. Right. Well, this is, I mean, people. Like, oh, you're on a fucking yacht magic. And like- Right. Well, this is, I mean, people are like,

I mean, there's nothing less relatable than a yacht tour. But I mean, people are like, you know. But I guess they're happy for magic because they really love him. They know him. I get, yeah. Yeah. Who's this dorky white couple on the end there?

I think that's What is that John and Vicky maybe John and Vicky a couple of nerds They don't look cool enough to be hanging out or John and Jordan Do you think we could get invited to magic and cookies? Absolutely not We have to take these nice photos and stuff and be nice normal people. Yeah, you can't burp on steps You cannot burp or fart at Magic's. It's a good goal to have them have magic Johnson invite you to vacation Dude, okay, if we could campaign now, maybe by next summer we could get the invite magic How are you Tomick is a fan

Love the summer vibes looks like a lot of fun. We are available unless someone gets another diagnosis Next summer to go on a vacation with you and we'd be great guests You know, we can crack up the staff We wouldn't last a minute going out to eat and I like going shopping and I'll work out with you in the morning and work out Dude, we're not wholesome enough to kick it with magic and cookies Oh, I was gonna say before I forget guys because of this whole fucking to cancer thing. I can't tour this year Sorry, I should have mentioned that earlier Yeah, it's just like, you know, I'll be doing a bunch of stuff to me to get rid of this shit

So yeah, I can't I can't sorry or'll be, I'll do it again once I'm recovered and up and running but for the rest of the year I can't go anywhere. I think I'm done, I think I'm done. Yeah. I understand. I'll be down, I'll be just around Austin. Do some spots in town?

Yeah, I'll go down to Mothership when I'm up and running a little bit more, my tits are smaller I'll do what I can you do the small tit show. It's tiny tits. Yeah, tiny tit cancers Yeah, and again, don't send me you got this send me We can we can skull fuck this cancer. Yeah, you may be this titty cancer, right? Maybe not the Hitler line. Why not? We hate cancer like Hitler I don't think that's about it's something to encourage The gypsies kill it like we kill the gypsies. Nope. I think I would leap over that one, too I think we're gonna send this cancer back to the kitchen like every woman

Should be making dinner what several drinking fountain You really into this racial segregation. I Think it make it more about the women. Yeah. Yeah Put this take cancer back in the kitchen. Yeah, like Yeah, yeah Yeah, send this send this cancer back to where kitchen. Yeah, like, yeah. Yeah, like women's. Yeah, send this cancer back to where women's rights once was, you know?

I can't wait for my feed to just be polluted with those kinds of positive messages. Yeah. Yeah, that's the kind of messaging I actually want. Beat this cancer the way a man used to be able to beat his wife. There you go. That's the kind of stuff I'm looking for.

And they still can in a lot of Arab Middle Eastern countries, this cancer the way a man used to be able to beat his wife. There you go. You know, that's the kind of stuff I'm looking for. And they still can in a lot of Arab Middle Eastern countries, some parts of Africa. Certainly there's some Asian countries where it's not frowned upon. Yeah, of course. And I got to say something. Women are well behaved in a lot of these places. They are rarely out of line. You know what I'm really into now on the TikTok is hijab talk where women like Muslim women scold

other Muslim women for how they wear their hijab. Oh sister if your hair is coming out of your hijab it's not proper hijab you should only have your face coming out and no lipstick like they they police each other. I like that. That and like Muslim men on Muslim men podcasts talking about how the sisters are not doing their hijab. I know Muslim men can't wear podcasts talking about how the sisters are not doing their hijab right? I didn't know Muslim men can't wear gold. That was new to me.

I did not know that. Yeah. I did not know that. It's only for the women. They're allowed to wear gold. Muslim men are not allowed to wear gold. Why? Is it feminine?

Because it's like- Not at all. It has to do with this obviously archaic view that does something to your- Bald? Yeah. Fertility? Fertility, yeah. archaic view that does something to your... Balls? Yeah, your... Fertility? Fertility, yeah.

Ooh, I wonder. It's a fertility thing. Like the medals near your nuts. I mean, you don't wear ball bracelets. It's so stupid. Doesn't matter. It's like, it's, you know, it's one of those things where it's like, it's in the book! No gold!

It's what Allah fuckin'... Yeah. Can we do some talks? Do we have time for that? Yeah, sure. Of course. I wish you'd be a little enthusiastic. My name is Tara. I'm 30 wide and I'm currently doing time in J.D. Idaho. Beautiful.

But I'm going to be living in Texas when I get out in a few months. So I'm just trying to meet some good people in that area. It would be cool to get to know some new people. So if you like you can message me on J.P. My IDOC number is 127-429. If this is If this is It would be cool to get to know some new people. So if you like you can message me on J-Pay. My IDOC number is 127-429. If this is, if you're already out, I'm Tom,

I live in Texas. And I would, what? I'm not gone yet. Well you just, I mean. The prognosis is very good for my survival time. Everybody has to prepare. It's like I'm good. Everybody has to prepare.

If you are in, I'll be sending you a message. I'd love to get to know Tara. I'm going to survive. Let's go to the next one. It's a guy eating a fork full of sand. Why? Because he can. Little afternoon snack.

He did like a-y face emoji. Why is that funny? It's not funny. But it's probably gotta have some nutritional value. Sand? All that sea stuff. I love sea salt. No, I'm trying.

I'm just trying to stand up for it. Ground beef in a bag. Little bit of sauce that you enjoy. Eating on the run has never been so easy. Look, you have to squeeze, out it comes. Look kind of nasty, I know. It's actually really good. I want you to start doing this.

You know what you need to do, I know you're on a fitness kick, put some ground meat in a bag. Hey, when you fly, you can fly with coconuts, all your coconuts for your coconut water, and then your meat in a bag. I'll just bring you some meat in a bag. Could you imagine doing this?

Like how much time is he saving by eating meat in a bag? You can just bring you some meat in a bag. Could you imagine doing this? No. Like how much time is he saving by eating meat in a bag? You can't just sit down and eat. She's giving you a life hack, man. Oh, fuck. I thought he was gonna save someone's life. I thought somebody was like, I'm drowning. And he was like, let me, no, you went too far.

No, he's just trying to stay alive. So that's in India somewhere in the river. People are drifting by real fast. You just gotta hold onto this chain. You can't out swim that current for sure. Oh, you're fucking dead. How are they surviving? I don't know.

Dude, India is really rough. It can be, yeah. You really gotta survive. You're gonna be a survivor to live there. What's up? My name's Chelsea Jones. I'm in prison in Idaho at SICI. It's pretty.

My IDOC number is 123-796. You guys can add me on jpa.com. I'm just looking for someone to get to know and see where it goes. Look at those beautiful ocean eyes. Those Billie Eilish ocean eyes. Beautiful. And how did she get the music to play on that track?

I'm gonna guess that somebody laid that on top. She looks great for being in prison. What is this, you think? And how are they doing their makeup? Cause I don't think they're allowed to have any. I think they just, they're very resourceful. She looks great. That's the carrots that we had today.

You gotta grind up the high C or the fucking Kool-Aid and you're using his lipstick. I mean, two really beautiful, and they're definitely dangerous people. It's pretty cool. Smoke shows. Hold on. There's no world in which you would date those two broads? I mean, no world, not knowingly, no.

I mean, I might meet somebody and be like, oh, yeah And then you go wait a minute you've been in what yeah, they're sneaky Okay right on the cooch too This is anal releasing yeah, there's two parts of this that are kind of impressive One is just to physically be able to do what both are doing. And then the other is that the one's foot is in the other one's vagina and anus. Or could be in between the vag and the anus.

You're feeling that up inside. You're feeling it and it's feeling great. Stretching, I think it feels like a relief. This feels amazing, I bet. I don't think I need to be balanced in the air because it's scary Like if I could just sit down and have someone put their foot in between my vagina and my anus and really give that good Stretch don't you think that would feel so much better? Yeah, it'd be great. Yeah, I think it could probably be arranged Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. And he loves these the best.

Meow, meow, meow, meow. Ugh. Burp. Meow, meow. The real question is, who's this for, guys or girls? Who do you think? Guys.

Yeah. But he has a pink bow, always like doing the sissy cat. There's somebody out there who's like, fucking hey man, he looks so hot right now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's the craziest part.

Someone's dig his eggs for sure. For sure, and he's like, I'm fucking rock hard, watching him do this milk shit. Isn't that crazy that that for sure is true? Yeah. That somebody's fucking fired up. Wait, what did you tell me today? You do have a fucking milk bowl video, I love these.

Remember today you were like, because we've been sending each other videos of dudes who don't know they're on TikTok, like old men. Oh yeah. How'd they go like? And then they post it. Yeah. What did you say the caption was? Or one of the comments was like, I've been working for this.

Oh yeah, I built this algorithm brick by brick. Yeah. Like to have the good fortune of getting that. People celebrate. There's a whole group that have found these weird ones and they're like, this is mine. That's how I feel. I've been here. I've been here and that's why I get this.

Cause I've been doing the work of following fucked up accounts. Maniacs, me too. That's how I feel when I find these little nuggets. Like it's such a source of pride and joy for me. Like honestly, this whole thing of being, you know, like having to deal with my health stuff, like the constant joy in my life is finding these

awful tech talks and you guys send them to me on my DMS. I appreciate them. A lot of them come from you. So continue to send send them to me. If you want to do something to help. That's what helps me is send a message. You got this mama. All right, I kick answers but what? All right, I kick answers but Okay Shoulders definitely dislocated dudes a fucking athlete to this guy's an athlete, but he definitely that is

That's good, right? I watched this one. I know but it's like These fucking guys man. I know it's parkour shit Fuck me. All good. You all good? Ha ha. Nice. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Ha ha. The head smack against the pavement is for me the worst bit. There it is. Fuck dude. Oh. Yeah, that's his fucking face.

Pow. Against concrete. After doing a flip. He did it mind. God damn dude. Crazy. That was good huh? Yeah. We were riding a ride that um, this isn't supposed to be upside down like this. It's been like that for like already two to three minutes. I feel bad for them because they're like, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. ride. It's not supposed to be upside down like this. It's been like that for like already two to three minutes. I feel bad for them because all the power shut off on it too right now. It's just scary. All right update. They're still up there. It's been about five minutes maybe a little bit more and they've just been hanging up there this whole time.

We just asked the lady at the bottom of the Ferris wheel if this has ever happened before and she said no and she said she's actually concerned for them. Oh, they just said, oh, they just said the park is closed. This was a serious thing. You know, eventually enough time to actually have a heart attack, right? You go into cardiac arrest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you have a heart attack, right? You go into cardiac arrest.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it takes a while, but eventually you will. But how long they were up there? They were up there a while. I remember when the story broke. Yeah. I mean, if you're at the park and you see that, why do you go on the Ferris wheel after you don't have to be like, we're leaving. 30 riders were rescued. Oh no.

Almost 30 people were rescued and medically evaluated after being stuck hanging upside down in Portland The Atmos fear ride at Oaks amusement park stopped at the apex position while operating in the 360 degree setting suspending 28 riders upside down Portland fire and rescue responded around 315 local time after the ride got stuck Portland fires in route I was like, I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital.

I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital.

I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go to the hospital. I'm gonna go is just like I'm never gonna see my dad again. I'm never gonna see my brother again

I have so much life left to live. I'm gonna die like this Portland fire said it worked with park engineers to lower the ride manually but also prepared the high-angle rope rescue team to affect rescues with the ride stuck as if they aren't Unable to man you to lower the ride the ride was mainly lowered around 3 24 p.m. Oh, it's a half hour up there. Yeah, the riders were then evacuated Evacuated medically evaluated one rider was transported to the hospital for further evaluation Yeah, I was crying not of joy not of anything. I was just crying I was more happy. I was alive Jesus I should have been like hey if you guys want to come back tomorrow, it's on the house

That is probably what they do. So go back again to the top is Yeah, three. Oh, yeah Yeah, that's pretty crazy though that would suck god damn dude It's a nightmare. All right. Here's one more Gene yeah It was so fast this one was such a quick and dirty can we hear it again It was so fast this one was such a quick and dirty can we hear it again Clean one those people just listening. It's a guy like a tire shop

It's a jack to jack a tire up the car up and he's asshole lands right on the pole the pole Yeah, did it go into his little bit? Sure a little bit. Yeah, not all the way in unfortunately, but It's also metal and it's not designed for his asshole. So I'm sure it wasn't it wasn't as smooth as it could be, you know, yeah Yeah, okay Well, there you go, oh boy, what a life, what a nap. This right here is designed for the asshole. Oh, it's dusty. No one's been using it, thankfully. We have the fart mic up here too, which is really cool.

Real treasures up here. Anyways, anywhoes, there you go, Jeans. Thanks for watching and supporting us all these years. Yeah, of course. And I'll keep you updated, because I know I've listened to shows where someone gets sick and I hate when they don't talk about it. Yeah.

It's like, dude, a lot of people are emotionally invested in us. You've said this. You've said that you want to keep people informed. Yeah, I hate that. I've loved so many shows and you know You hear something and then you never hear again, but I will keep you guys updated again highly treatable very early I talked to dr. Drew actually when I heard yeah, I called Drew and he's like, don't worry. It's gonna be fine So all good so far and we'll just take it as it comes

I guess and if you still have time if you want to go big instead of small on those Tits, I don't forget that you still have time to change the order Okay, you can make them super super big which I think would make everybody really really happy. Okay I think it's kind of Maybe think about some other people on this one. Thank you. All right. Thanks guys. We'll see you next week. Your mom's house, your mom's house makes my pain go away Your mom's house, your mom's house my struggle everyday Your mom's house, your mom's house makes my pain go away I don't care about anything at all But Christina Pita in your mom's house

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But Chris, meet a beat up in your mouth sounds I don't care about anything at all But crispina, me, dumb in your mouth sounds Touch my camera through the fence, you fake it I'll eat your booty, just return the favor Good morning queen, you're gonna have a good day You are amazing, I made pancakes pancakes

I don't care about anything at all but Christina Pita in your mouth's house I don't care about anything at all But Chris, me to meet up in your mouth sounds