Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Classic Jeans 62-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: September 24, 2014

Oh yeah, Jeans. It's time for more of those Classic Jeans. This is that bespoke denim you can't find in the stores.  This very special episode captures one of the greatest moments in podcasting history - Top Dog and brown come together in REAL TIME.  Buckle Up, you ain't ready. 

Hmm shit, man. I can't even handle this at all. I cannot Can you believe what our listeners are in for this week is amazing you guys? Yes, we're on vacation, but your mothers don't leave you empty handed classic jeans We always leave you with classic denim. It's gonna be you're gonna die This is this episode and the one that we're gonna drop on Friday. It's gonna it's just gonna We're going back in the vault And this was an idea we had because You know people have asked about hey

I can't I can only go back like a hundred episodes on iTunes and they only started listening around maybe 170 or 190 and they didn't they don't know the The past catalogs we went deep deep into the vaults Mm-hmm, and this is when this episode one of the highlights is that my father and I had just gotten back From a father-son trip top dog. We went to Portland, Maine and spent a weekend together and It got there was an amazing incident that happened involving the bathroom and

Luckily, I was right there with my recorder Yeah, this is this is again like one of the early I say again because the episode we dropped on Friday was like one of the Very first top dog calls. Yeah, and this is episode 62 and by 62 top dog It kind of been on the show a little bit, but he wasn't really hip to what was going on So he's he's very open. I think he's a little different. Yeah, he's a little he's always open, but I think he was I Don't know. It was in the raw. This is top dog like Come on Wow

Yeah, that's all I should say. We didn't want to leave you with any of that for this week. Yeah It's amazing though. It's amazing that that I was with my father that this happened and That I was there to record it so You know and it's weird because it's like Haley's comment, too I think I got I think I said that even on this episode. It's like a once in a lifetime. Yeah, I mean, I'd never Experienced this in my 34 years at that point with my dad and I happened to be able to record the moment It wasn't like five days later. He called me. I was right there right there for the for the moment Wow, what a special it's almost as though this was destined to be a theme on your mom's house. Yeah. Yeah

Yeah, that's what I knew we were on to something. Yeah Yeah, so we hope you enjoy the enjoy these classic jeans and and we have to tell you this Right now you're playing with your phone when I'm not playing with that. I'm confirming a very important email All right, geez is called the business Tom Biz and I SS that is the business All right, you ready to do this or what? Yeah, yeah. Oh you think you cute, huh? Don't bring anyone loving for this It's

Yeah You smother Kate and me with that fart smell smother Kate and all that smother Kate and you've been doing No, yeah, yeah, yeah, what's the sound the game makes for muting? What's that that your mom knows how to do remember Johnny's shocker? What's his name Bobby digital? Man that's hilarious It's one that I've been Kind of obsessing is this the one that you've been singing you said all day long. Yeah, I just pulled the instrumental out though

Oh, yeah, why don't you put the cool lyrics? I'm sure the lyrics are not offensive or hurtful to any particular female race or it's not really offensive to females I mean, what are they talking about bitches? No, you want the actual lyrics version? Yeah, all right I mean I Could roller skate to that song be a problem like a champ Yeah, I could roller-skate and what happened nothing something Just so you know, I sabotage you so hard today in your car. You don't even know what you do. Well Okay

I sabotage you what did you do? Oh, yeah, cuz you got the most schooled CDs CD changer. I changed out I This is a great I mean this album What is this what is this album called enter the Wu Tang 36 chambers 36 chambers? I'm familiar with that number. Yeah, this was their that era. Everyone's premier Everyone's debut album was the shit. Yeah, you know now. It's his first album. I'm not a fan of Nas I'm a fan of Jay-Z. Thank you very much. I'm in the other camp. You have beef with nice I've got beef with him hardcore cuz I'm straight. I'm straight jig him in his first album is

One of the best albums period now is his first album. Yeah, look, you're talking to our ilmatic You're talking to a recovering goth punk girl. I don't it's like you're speaking Chinese What do you do to sabotage? Let's talk about the clash or you know Why can't we just have a dialogue nice dialogue cuz I you know you're talking to me about things I don't care about like I'm a football you're like oh Nas's album Well, I don't give a fuck about Nas. You know what I mean? I mean, here's what I did. I totally sabotaged you What did you do? So Tommy has this great old-school CD changer in his car like the kind that you had back in the Yo and trunk, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and so I've been using your car because I love it more than I like mine right now

And you just listen to shit that I don't even understand It's so Underground I can't even you've got like a weird ambiance like Like trip hop like glow sticks and I'm like I can't listen to this how roll man Yeah, what's up with disrespecting how I wait and then you had like oh my god. You had you be 40 in there That's for my dad actually. Yeah, sure. Really. It's my dad's I took it out. I fucking threw it across the parking lot That's top dogs. Yeah, I couldn't I couldn't break that CD fast enough you be 40 I seriously babe when I pull that out. I was like I can't believe I married somebody that

I almost divorced you today because of it Yeah, and I sabotage your shit man. I put in three of my Classics I put in the breeders What else I put in I think I put in a clash CD. Okay. Oh and the specials. All right. You like the specials Yeah, I like I like all that stuff man. Okay. Okay. We'll be talking about what I'm familiar with. Oh, you think you cute, huh? You think you cute That's another one Okay

Thank you I've been reading the help on Oprah's book club and like I've been picking up a lot of like old-timey like Adorable old black woman slang really well. I might throw it in there. You might hear it every now and then yeah, man You're day. You're day. Er day. Er day. What's going on with you jeans? What happened to you last week? Man You have fun time. I did have a good time. I uh Well

This is the fucking lamest shit This enrages me. This makes me happy to see I want to kill myself when I hear this shit. How can you not enjoy a nice movie for you? It's like fake like isn't this a cover of an actual cover. Yes, of actual cool black music Yes, yes, and then they fucking suck it up with their shitty whiteness. Yes Now, let me ask you this be honest be honest red red one I feel so fine when this when this came out, right? Did you think it was a good song when it when you heard? Yeah, cuz I was I was in sixth grade

I know but that's what I'm saying is that what everybody was in fifth and sixth grade and this came out You're like hey turn that shit up man, right? Yeah, but I also loved fine young cannibals What's wrong with that? Cuz they're kind of lame now, too. They're like they're kind of wack. I just bought a fine young You did not yes, I did which what they're fucking don't tell me depending on what you say I may or may not divorce you really okay. Yeah, I bought makes want to kill myself by them, too What did you buy here? I got it right here See what I bought here's here's what I realized by the way I was listening to the Beach Boys Yeah, sloop John be one of my favorite songs, and then I realized oh, this is a remake of

An old Caribbean song sloop John bees originally by cool black people that the blacks put out And then the white man comes and fucks it up much like you be 40 now The Beach Boys didn't fuck up sloop John be everything. That's cool. We steal from the black man son I only got all I'm saying I got two fine young cannibal songs. No, I don't even know you. Yeah, I did who are you? Well, I heard them on the radio Tell me that I bought them. How could when when did this happen? I don't know. I have many different flavors that I like you surprised me constantly Tom Sinclair. You're like an onion When folding with layers well, I hope I hope we can get through it

I mean I bought I bought their most popular songs. No, I got bought like can I tell you here's the songs? I like okay shit That's the first one I bought that's a good one. Okay. I hate good thing about good Makes want to kill my song why I just kind of annoyed. I don't like it, but you like to drive me crazy Yeah, what is the problem? Why do we have a problem? You know I'm saying I'm so surprised What else did you buy Falco? I'm about to buy Falco. So what so what you shock me? Yeah, that's pretty lame. I like I'm gonna shock the world man. I'm here to shock

The world what Bobby did you did you buy any music lately? Yeah, I buy tons of lame shit all the time, dude Let me see what I just fucking Why do you do that in front of the listeners? I Used to I used to love these guys. I thought they're so cute and like rad Yeah, man. Yeah, man. It's a good time. Okay. I love these guys. Oh So cool, okay, here's what I I bought old back albums that I had in the 90s. Yeah, you know like where it's at and shit like that So I have a bunch of back stuff Yeah, he's great

Depeche Mode I went through a huge face with them, too Oh, I re-bought a clash album to re-bought it cuz you know what happened is it's on the CD It's not on my itunes. So is that in my car right now? Okay Yeah, so first of all, yeah major major breakthroughs this week with you and your dad, right, dude Well, I mean people don't understand Top dog and I went on a trip. We took a trip together. I spent the last Five days with top dog in Maine

And the reason we picked Maine is cuz he was like I've never been in Maine before Yeah, people were asking me like why are you in Maine? And I was like cuz that's where he wanted to go You don't argue with the guy. What did he say? He was like, buddy I've never been to Maine before, buddy. I want to go like that Like that. I said sure. It's a summer, too So I was like, yeah, be great nice cool weather. So he likes he likes what the town walks around. He just wanted to try somewhere he's never been and Yeah, and then lobster like he's some lobster pal. He loves lobster, buddy

So yeah, man, let's do it. He loves that seafood. We went up there and Buddy just hung out. I had so much fun with him and I tweeted the other night that While we were there one night when we were hanging out top dog the king of the dumps Mr. Wiped down shit his pants. No He shit his pants Was how is that? That is so rare. That's like getting to see Haley's Comet

Exactly, right. Yeah, you're so blessed. It was it was like, hey Usually, you know, if you stand here something you might oh, wow, it's an eclipse tonight Right. That's really what it was. You were staring into the eye of the storm. It was amazing. It was well walk us through this I mean, you just taught me. I mean, we can't just talk about it without, you know Making sense of it all Hey, buddy, stop dog Hey, buddy, stop dog Stop

Man, I yeah, I had the best time when he by the way, he doesn't understand still what a podcast is course. Yeah, and Yeah, I show him I play I play clips for him because I wanted to show them Like, you know, you're part of the show and he was like what show I'm like that kind of stuff and then He doesn't he doesn't know that he has thousands of fans. I showed him love him I showed him tweets and I showed him the iTunes page right If you really want to make top dogs day write a

A review that mentions him on iTunes go to our podcast or you know your mom's house itunes on itunes And you can you know, you can write whatever five stars and Whatever you want and if you mention him like he just he looks at it. He's like, yeah He's not and he's like I still don't think that he likes me buddy Yeah, and he but he still has no awareness of just how special and how many lives he's touched. He absolutely has how many people's wiping techniques he's influenced very much so

He was very very upset that people weren't When he asked for work, we get big lobsters somebody told him, you know, they're just pound and a half around here And he was like it's impossible What size was he expecting like he wanted two and three pounders, you know, big okay, and we ended up finding them He was like, see I nearly were here So one night top dog by the way people I sat next this lady on another thing I'd tell you about the flight on the way home Yeah, but she was like I talked to this lady and she was like, what you know, where were you that connected in Detroit? And I was like I was in Maine and she was like, oh, I've been Maine like where were you and I told her was in Portland, Maine and

she goes Like what'd you do and I said, I don't know what my dad and she's like, oh, what kind of stuff did you guys go to? I'll be in I guess there's a big LL bean thing there give me you whoa Oh Ella, why would you go to that's so funny people consider that something to do on your vacation? I know and then Starbucks. She also was like She's like, so what did you guys do and I had to think cuz I just done the five days together with him And I was like, you know, just like drive around get something to eat and then go back to the hotel

She was like what? That's what he likes to do and she was like for real like she couldn't believe it but to me It's normal well because that's what top top dog That's what he likes to do well when we went on a cruise with your family. Yeah two years ago. Yeah, his thing He's like I asked like what you did have dog He's like well, you know me I like to eat and then I come back and I like to watch my turner classic movies Yeah, and he likes his movies. He likes to have because he works hard. Yeah money He works hard, but some people you know what I realize the older I get is

It's it's shitty to dictate to somebody else how to enjoy themselves for sure You know like I've I've just got because I am guilty of that like too like you know When someone's like they describe something that they want to do that. I have no interest in doing. Yeah, you know what? Just you should do what you do. Just do you bro. Do you do you my man to quote the situation? Well, it's just like you know like some people like what we have friends and family members that like to go camping Kill myself, you know and they tell me in detail how enjoyable it is I don't never but they think the fact that we like to go and sit on a beach for a week Yeah, and that's it and just lay on the beach just drink top shelf margues and eat breeds

Yeah, like dad boner and then just go to the room. Yeah, but that's my version of having a good time Can I tell you I feel bad because I totally dream crushed you when we were in Mexico? I totally ruined your fun. Why cuz you I when I go on vacation I like to thoroughly unplug like I will not check my email. I don't want to fucking look at the phone I don't want to think about my iPhone I don't want to think about business and I got mad at you remember you were checking your email I like doing business and I was like, why are you ruining my fucking vacation? Yeah? Yeah, but now I understand what you just said that look if that makes you feel good

Yeah, I can't fucking tell you how much who might I tell you you check your your my phone No, I think I think that's true. I'm a grown woman now. I've grown since then emotionally, but I also you know I decompress By just surfing the web like that's my version of just chilling out like in the morning I know that's what you do you wake up you get on the internet. Yeah, you read your drudge report or whatever sports CNN ESPN pornography and then deadspin take a shit I go through my Huffington, I just like to see the news I read up on news. I like to get different sources I like I like seeing what conservatives are saying. I like seeing what the liberals left-wing liberals cross my dad

PS your father So when I called over there just to say hi to you. Yeah, and you handed the phone And you went to take a shit or something. Yeah, you know, he says to me But so you like Tommy's car and I was like, yeah, yeah, and he goes up You finally getting sick tired driving your hippie shit car I your your liberal your liberal cuz I drive a hybrid. Yeah, those we don't know and he he thinks that that's a funniest He does stupidest California thing and he's like you finally getting over the dumb fucking hybrid. He didn't say fucking Yeah, yeah, yeah getting over your dumb hybrid thing. He definitely your hippie car made fun of you so much

He makes fun of everybody makes one of California 24-7 the people for public Things were all on ass. Yeah, I mean that thing would Hybrid need I'm getting you don't get any cool air coming in the car. He lost his shit He was here mind and summertime driving. Yeah last summer. Why are you driving and he was in the passenger seat, right? and so when you go and you're driving a hybrid and If it's like a genuine hybrid you like you you stop let's say at a red light your engine stops running and The electric cut cuts on it to keep the car basically alive so when your engine cuts out that cuts off the

AC being actually like genuine cool air cuz the suck so bad not fueling it So you get just like lukewarm air and an LA summer when it's like It's the worst and he was like going out the air and I was like well we're in a hybrid and he was like holy shit Like he fucking lost his mind. No, you know, yeah, no, it was his idea I gotta say he was like put it in neutral Yeah, and hit the gas to keep the engine running and that'll keep cool air coming out and it worked It's all right. I was like yeah kind of defeats the whole He's like I don't give a shit about that

He doesn't but I will tell you that the reason I got the hybrid is because of my very favorite thing in the world Which is sticking it to the man. Yeah, and I don't conserving and I don't like to fucking pay $5 for gas And I'll tell you if you can tolerate that AC problem. Yeah, it's a good deal, man I don't go to the gas station that often I go every you're scratching your but you can hear that. Yeah, I know Somebody's gonna hear that in their little ear, but they love me. Oh, not your dirty. They Did you pop that pimple that I told you about? Wait, so let's keep going. No, I'm just saying so that's a good That's the plus side you don't have to go to gas station

You don't have to pay a lot more. It's a light car though That's the only thing is that if you get hit if I get hit in that fucking thing I'm gonna die if there's no sturdiness at all your cars made of like it's like a tin can paper. Yeah, so tell me what you're fucking So you're not telling me I'm telling you man All right, but just I'll get to this because We I mean we had a lot of a lot of great conversations There's so much top dog stuff that we're gonna have to do something We're gonna do a we're gonna do a big top dog episode next week

But right now I because I tweeted that it was real and it was it was right I I was in the we finished dinner and We walked back and then we were it was a lobster to the lobster. Yes seafood. Okay, and we came back and we were gonna go To a movie I think yeah, so we were gonna come just come back for a few minutes and then go to a movie So it's like eight thirty nine or something like that and as we walk back in the hotel There's we're on like the second floor and we're in like the ground level Yeah, we're about to walk up these stairs and I go Hey, why don't we take the elevator because I don't want to shit my pants and he goes yeah

I know what you mean. I've been there before buddy. Oh, so you were on I say yeah Yeah, I mean that wasn't panic, but I was like I didn't really feel like what like treading up state You know I mean like I was like, yeah, let's just take the elevator sure so he was like, yeah So we go back and he's like gotta go pal. You gotta go and I was like, yeah, yeah, I gotta go so We get back and I go and I just go to the bathroom and then when I'm done You know wash my hands. I start flossing. Okay, cuz I had dinner good rushing my teeth good and then I hear My dad goes, uh, you don't you done there, buddy? And I go Yeah, he goes need to get in there and I think oh you got to go to the bathroom, right? Sure. So I go yeah

No problem, man. Hold on. So I finish up flush Wipe my face down right towel walk out into the into the room from the bathroom and top dogs naked Stay there and I go what's going on and he goes I went to the bathroom in my pants and I was like what and then He runs naked naked he runs into the bathroom he takes a shower and Then he gets out and as he gets out. I hit record on wait, wait, where's the shit? Where's here? Just give give this a shot. Oh my god. Just um, he's leave. I do not believe And you know the little they have those little things on the scene to go electronically

Yeah, well when I sat down on it had spots on it from the shit they got on my leg I So wait a minute. Oh my god, tell me what happened because I was just I walked okay I'm in the bathroom And you knock and said I need to go in there and I come out of here and you're standing naked in the Hotel room. Yeah, what happened? I'm trying to find the bathroom to sit bathroom on first floor. I didn't see one Well, I had you know how you walk down the stairs

When it's hard to hold your tics together when you're walking downstairs, right? Okay, so I'm walking then I find the bathroom It's over, you know, it's but one of these They're all set up like Handicap bathrooms and all of a sudden trying to race over there You really got to go got to go and some of it comes out Hits my boxer shorts. Yeah, and then when I get undressed I mean I put my pants down there right in the in them some of it was a couple lumps They hit the deck and then some of it got on my leg

Which got on the seat. Yeah, so, you know, I had to Take my underwear off take my stuff off plus I was running in there and the door wasn't shut Completely said to get up and shut the door. Oh, I wouldn't put on a show show. So was it a single stall? single stall So when did you you see yourself right as you were opening the door or what right as I Open the door to the bathroom, right? Yeah, was it? Was it yeah, those pants have shit on them probably pants don't because it just got the underwear Are you sure it wasn't diarrhea that was just

Yeah, you should probably check them out Kind of lumpy right now. He's holding up the pants. I go check them out. Are they khakis? You know, yeah, I was just khakis. Yeah, they were khakis and and he's about to put him back on I go Why don't you just put on a different pair of pants? He's like no, they're fine. They just the boxers got it. That's impossible But that's physically the physics of what he's saying happening. It's impossible Then he's like he gives him to me just like to check the pant legs And I'm like, I don't know you might want to just throw another pair of pants. Oh my god Don't don't sit. No, I don't want to smell it

He handed me the pant leg smell doesn't look what's that? Oh Yeah, what's that right there? No, what about the pant legs? You said some fell out. Yeah, they fell it after you on my trousers Okay All right He didn't wear them. That's the in the end. Well, good. I'd burn those pants What did me in was not finding the first bathroom, okay?

You know what happened when we walked up to the elevator. I said, let's take the elevator Yeah, I said, I don't want to shit my pants and you said I Know you're talking about what do I know? Yeah, I got up there all of a sudden I had to go and I was struggling and you know How much came out just a couple lumps Just well, no wasn't not like wasn't sloppy Joe was like What was the last thing you say yourself or see your pants It happened once at the office last year so this is once a year is basically your rate right now

I Knew right then Man, you had to go right away or no, you're like, uh, I can hold it for me and hold it But I got to find it. Yeah, but I went to too many wrong places So we're you when I said first floor didn't see it in the first I finally went down there to the basin by that because I knew there'd be a restaurant by the restaurant Yeah, there may have been one of the first so you can see it right as you're opening the door. Yeah, you shouldn't yourself And then how was the cleanup pretty bad

Down after you underwear in the in the where you put the dirty time Trash down there. Yeah, but then I had to you know, I had to take had to get water But I had to walk the water and do the back. Yeah a couple times it all over your cheeks and stuff It was all over the cheeks. That's why I'm Yeah Is he laying down now, yeah, I can hear it. Yeah, how many times He's the comfortable like how often does that I mean last year and this year how many times do you think that's happened total? Like that, yeah

Five or six Can't believe that every so many years every so many years. That's so great All right, I can't believe you got to witness that it was amazing I never I never thought that I would be around for something like that, right? You know, usually it's like a phone call. Here's what happened. Yeah, but you were really blessed. You got to see him In his moment of crisis See it The other the other stuff is also so fucking crazy that I have

Wow with him. I can't wait to you know that just so you guys know Tom doesn't play this audio for me in advance Yeah, it's a surprise for me. Yeah. Yeah We like to surprise each other. So this is amazing. I'm reeling from this. Yeah, it's pretty great, right? I mean in the years I know him a couple of loves you remember. Oh, this is what I wanted to stop and tell you Do you remember last week? I just was I had a laughing attack Thinking about him talking about sloppy. Yeah, does he he'll sometimes call me and do like Took a good shit today kind of a sloppy Joe He always uses that term well because it's perfect is a perfect term because it's so gross or it's like chili

I'm happy Joe is like chili. Yeah, I remember. I mean for me sloppy joys remember elementary school and they'd like scoop Silver spoon and then when they just throw it down. Yeah sloppy Joe He never says sloppy Joe. He always says kind of a sloppy Joe kind of a sloppy Joe The name was I gotta take a pee real bad. Okay. Do you mind? No? All right. Sorry guys. I gotta take a whiz. I'll be right back. Okay Yeah, I'm talking. All right I'm sorry about how much you fart No, it was it was a great trip with him. We also I noticed

Because we shared a room I was nervous to Because I snore even though I use this thing to so it actually has basically cut out my snoring But I was sick last week if you remember so when I'm sick sometimes it's still bad So I was really nervous and I was scared that he would be very upset Because he'll yell at me. He's yelled at me for snoring before like very angrily in the middle of the night which is fucking terrifying and so I was nervous about that and

So the first thing we did when he picked me up when I flew in we went to CVS And I was like you gotta get earplugs man You got to get earplugs because I'm gonna snore and it's gonna it's gonna upset you and I was that I had anxiety about it And he was like, okay, like he was cool and he was like yeah, we'll do that We buy earplugs He never uses them. He says that I you know, I don't know disturbance from me He fucking snored the whole weekend and the best was that when I would tell him like you're snoring He was like really he always

Yeah, he was like I didn't know that how could your mother not tell him That's what he said. He goes. He's like your mother's never said anything and I was like, are you serious right now? He also Sleeps with one leg in the air Foot resting on the knee that kind of like you sitting cross leg like a man would sit cross leg sitting up Yeah, he sleeps like that on top of the bed. Well, you know, that's you know that you do that, too Yeah, you've told me that well your sleeping habits are identical. It's really so bizarre last night It made me so angry. Yeah last night

Last night my god, this fucking broad I don't even hear a little of the night. I heard like the tail end of this I think no, I'm talking about you me. Oh, I think you're talking about our neighbor. That's coming, but you Fucking middle of the night. Yeah, I hated you. I I just like Hang on I turn over. I'm like what you're like you fucking make so much noise God out of here. You grabbed the pillow and you stormed out of the room But I wasn't snoring. No, you're not snoring because you have that mouth garden But what you do now when you're super tired is like you sing and dance

Like you'll hum like you'll breathe in and go And I hear that and then you do your dance where you put your leg up Yeah, so that your ankle is on your knee Yeah, and then what happens is it's an awkward position so that your fucking leg falls on me all night And then I try to move you over and it doesn't help and it made me so mad. I wanted to kill you last night seriously Then I got to go sleep on the couch You were very oh ready to murder you. Yeah. Yeah. Well, don't you think you deserve it? No because I'm not I'm in the middle of my I don't even want to talk about it. It's so upsetting right now. Oh

That sound makes me see red. Yeah Was that is that top dog? No But top dog's a worse snorer than you you think? No, he's not worse It's just that was it was not it was more it was me Concerned about what you know that I'm gonna upset him That sounds exactly like what you do. Oh, it's so awful Yeah, that's good. I'm glad you got a little bit of your own flavors. Yeah, he was He was he was like just regular snoring

But every time I was like, hey man, like you're fucking snoring. Yeah, he was like, uh, and then in the morning I was like, hey, so what's up with the snoring? He was like, I didn't know I did that buddy Yeah, your mom's way too nice on you. Yeah, I mean you But the funny thing was you we were both really tired But you were immediately out last night and as soon as you went to sleep last night I mean like immediately. Yeah, I was in bed. No less than three minutes Is it Japanese girl But

Yeah, our neighbor was really but you said it sounded different like it's not the usual Yeah, it was different. It was the guy was Japanese the guy was Japanese now the guy was it was a shorter. It was definitely a different guy I would put money on this different guy because he was There was some it was a shorter thrust pounding. Okay, and he she didn't really get to do as much have as much fun as usual, you know and He grunted like And

Then he was kind of done. It was it was much more quick pounding, you know, that's so I'm great I'm glad that she's gotten She's gotten to guys. Can I tell you what bothers me about Japanese? Yeah Pornography, it's always the girl who's always like, oh, no, I don't want it to do it No, no, like she's always like they're always raping the girl. Yeah in Japanese porn like she's always an unwilling participant I wonder what that's all about. I don't know. You know stuff like it's interesting Concrete bitch. Yeah, that's society's really into that, you know, you're telling me You know, we got a great email. I don't think you didn't even

Get to see this one. We know we discussed psychology last week. Yeah. Yeah, my favorite subject in the whole world So we got an email from a psychologist get the fuck out of here Tommy. Oh awesome. I want to hear should I read it to you? Please yeah, okay I Okay So I didn't check with him if it was okay to read this, but I think it's okay. Don't say the name Yeah, I won't say his name So he said a huge fan got excited when I heard you talking about psychologists and I had to write in a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in trauma and

Let's see prolonged exposure is my treatment of choice Pretty cool. If you check it out. First of all, you guys have a clean bill of health All right, is that I I always admired and was curious as to you two Are so happy and healthy compared to how depressed and miserable a lot of other comedian and comedian couples are in a lot of ways It's not hard at all to turn the psychology off because we were talking about right they do that in an argument How do you for those who didn't hear that? Yeah, how we're saying like if you are a psychologist, how do you have normal relationships? Like are you constantly judging that person or thinking like what's underneath that comment?

And do you just do you pull it out like every time dude? I would you know, like if you're in an argument Do you just do you just pull it out and Always have it be, you know, I mean like here's yeah. Yeah, somebody says that all the time. I don't say that all the time Yeah, I do not say that. Yeah, so I think this matches what we're talking about It's appropriate Hope your dad gets to hear this episode. So I said I have a long day of treating patients and dealing with Chronic pathology life stress often feel no need to keep that going outside of work that being said I find there are a few things

I can't turn off my training had a heavy emphasis in behaviorism and cognitive behavioral techniques With such intensive training often see things coming a mile away Oh, wow. I think that is hard for some people in my life. Sometimes I don't want to hear it. Sometimes they just get annoyed because I Called it again You know, so he knows well because my therapist will be able to predict other people's behavior in my life as well By the way, yeah, she'll tell me she like she already knows what the fuck is gonna happen. Right. Yes. Oh, yeah Secondly with my focus on trauma work

We spend thousands of hours going into the deepest darkest fears people have In ways they avoid those fears and during training it was a coveted skill amongst my peers In real life, it's really is it not really distracting. I'm sorry in real life outside of work. I pick up on those things and Feel this obligation to fuck with people When I do force help my patients face those fears it's therapy when I get to mess with my friends. It's fun. Oh, that's awesome It goes along with my dark sense of humor and love for awkward moments I guess don't know how to describe it without sending odd disrespectful

Or making people afraid of psychologists, but that's how it is. I think that's why I like listening to comedians interact It's the same type of skill that makes you a funny comic and able to pick people apart in moments That's absolutely true. We have them on the verge of tears but laughing at the same time I know what I mean and yes, my wife does get sick of it sometimes, but she loves me anyways Yeah, if you have any psychology questions Feel free to contact. Oh, we will. Yeah. Well, maybe you could answer Well, maybe with this gypsy stuff. We're gonna talk about later. I'm curious about that. So thanks for that email, man We did find that. Um, very very interesting indeed. Yeah, there should be

Didn't we say that last time we should just have a thing where we interview comedians like a psychologist could tell you What's going on with different comics? Yeah, because I feel like I can yes and by the way somebody emailed me and I feel Bad that I don't have it with me right now But somebody emailed me that there's a psychologist who does do a youtube interview like show Um, and I saw a clip of the woman who's a psychologist. I think she's married to a comedian And she did an episode with robin williams. Oh shut up. Yeah. Yeah, so it does exist. Oh, that's so fucking cool So it is cool. I I'm sorry that I don't have it. Um

With me right now, but there it does exist. There is a uh Let's see if I wish I wonder where they sent it That is so you know, it's funny because I always think about my therapist Like what's her life like at home? Does she have like what's her husband do? You know, I'm not supposed to ask those questions rather. She's not supposed to answer them Because then I start focusing on Her real life as opposed to like my issues. You know, that's why I do that. Yeah, but I always wonder about that because I never I don't know too many psychologists in real life. No, I don't I um

Yeah, I I I almost feel like it'd be more fun to be friends with one I know we should be friend one. Yeah, my mom used to work for us like kaya trist growing up So I got to see and hear all the cool crazy like but he worked with like legit crazy people Like people um that were eating dirt or schizophrenic or people that would run down the street naked and stuff like that He was a really kind man. I really liked him actually. What are you looking for booboo? Are you looking for that email? Um no yeah, I couldn't find it but um But the other thing I wanted to say. Oh is that I saw um

I saw that movie that uh, Prometheus that everybody's oh, yeah, and um uh I hated it. Yeah, I looked the trailer looked a little over at the top. It's definitely with I mean Ridley Scott, right? He directed it. Um Great director. I I was not into it. Um, I walked out Wow, which is you know, maybe was it because of the top dog influence a little bit maybe What's the problem with it? Um, I don't I

First of all, I mean it was exactly like every um You know like when you get into like an action kind of team, you know, uh Like guys go into battle kind of thing. It had all the same characters. Oh, right. Yeah Like the lineup right like the guy's like, I don't want to be a part of this Yeah, I love that and then like the bitch you know, man, you don't know your tongue And then the really eager one who's like, I just I think we're we should all do this I'm happy to be here. So it's just like

All the same beats and the movie took too long to set up itself like if you're In setup mode like nothing's really happened yet and you're 25 minutes 30 minutes into a film That to me is I mean some people love the movie I know a lot of people don't because I've people who stayed Uh have told me that they found it to be like comical like one of those things where you're like It's funny. I would but some people love it. I did not like it at all. I'd be interested to um To hear what what our listeners if if you did see it what you thought of it. I personally

Could not take another minute. Um, I stayed and I realized that I missed the majority of the movie Because I left a little around 30 minutes into the movie. Well, can I tell you that I I'm a huge fan Of sure least they're on I want to see the snow queen movie that she's in. I think that will look really cool But I'm agree with you that I can tell now usually in the first 10 minutes 10 minutes is all you know what else That's a good marker for storytelling thing or they don't know how to do it 10 pages. You read 10 pages or something And like especially if it's a story or if it's a script If you're 10 pages in and you're like what the fuck is going on or

I'm bored to death or this is a piece of shit Then that's pretty much what it's going to be. It's rare that it's going to take off from there I was not well, that's why it's so hard to make a movie. I think everybody thinks like I can make a better movie than that You're like, dude, it's so hard to I tell a story. Yeah in that medium Just to get a movie made seems like a real Herculean effort Is this the opening to Prometheus this is the very first scene where I was like, where's this going? You know what I mean? I know I I don't hear a lot of dialogue It sounds like they're running or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they're gonna jump onto the spaceship. Oh, and they're like

Oh Oh, wait. Oh, they're fighting there. Oh, well, that's the aliens. All right. The aliens are like, we're gonna get you And there's some of it's not in English. She's like other languages Oh, they're speaking. He's like, what's that in your hand? Yeah, and she's like, uh weapons Yeah, an alien sounds like it's dying Yeah You're right. It's not very good story So, you know, there's different stuff for different people but that one, you know, I didn't I didn't love that

You know a movie I watched that I really enjoyed was um, I've seen it a million times. Is the bronx tail A bronx tail the bronx tail things called a bronx tail. It's the bronx tail to me. Um, really? Whatever. I liked it a lot Do you know that kid that played deniro's son? Colosimo or whatever that he's really in jail right now. Yeah, I think he's in jail for murder Yeah, like felony like he was committing a crime or something. No, they were he's a he was drug addict heroin I think he's in a heroin and they went to rob A house and while they were robbing the house because it was him and somebody else

Um, there was an off-duty cop And they shot and killed him. I think is the story. Oh It happened a while happened like a year or two ago, right? Yeah, because I wikipedia'd him I'm like, oh, what happened to that kid? He's such a great actor. Yeah, such a great movie Yeah, he uh, he did some other stuff, but then a lot of bummer. Can I tell you the one time? Yeah, you got to be careful who you try to fuck because one time I was like 13 years old and my friend Jenny and I we decided we were going to go egg Some cars in the neighborhood because we were bored and angry and I'll never forget this

We uh, we started fucking up this one house, dude Like then we're so stupid we did him broad daylight broad daylight in my neighborhood We didn't even go to another neighborhood and I'm just we're just hanging the fuck out of this house And this guy fucking hey come here yells at us And then he starts running after us we take off we take off He catches us both because he's super fast like super strong drags us into his house Turns out the guys a fucking marine He was home for like a week staying with his parents, right?

Just happens to catch us two knuckleheads egging the shit out of his parents house Oh, shit. So you got to be careful and who you what do you do? Well, he called our folks and then we got picked up and scolded and it was you know It wasn't a good day. It was a shitty day to get yelled at we just got yelled at and stuff But it could have been way worse than that could have been a lot worse than that Yeah, he could have been like you do me a favor. I won't make a call Tommy we were like 13 great age for that But that's what I'm saying is that you get the off duty cop you get the fucking marine

That's how I won't call your parents. What are you gonna do for me? Babes are not like that marines are good people What are you gonna do for me? If I don't make a phone call right now Tom, can we please can we play that trailer you were telling me about? Oh, yeah, okay. Okay. I'm so excited. I've been thinking about it since you told me about it I haven't heard this yet. Okay. Just please play this for them. Okay And enough pornography. I'm not watching pornography. Jesus. This alien movie is fucking terrible. Yeah, this is why I walked out of it

I can't listen It's not pornography. I hate when you say that when it's not it's art All right, so fucking tell me about this man. You what you told me like two things. I got it dying to hear Large furry so I'm not gonna attack people You're scabbing. They're dangerous. You don't fuck a bear Me personally, I think bears in the dog family. I think they're related to rock ballers A bear is you know, uh, a bigger Harrier guy a state of mind with a slight hint of body type looks like you can swing an axe type

Everything through from cups to pull up ass through to chase us admire us Really hard to just money. This is a bear when you get into a room full of bears. It's getting in a room full of men And I'll keep you warm Hairy natural man suddenly become hairy because I think people got sick of seeing designer jeans and pink shirts There's this whole other part of the community that wasn't having the experiences that every gay man should the whole bear thing Was sort of a revelation because I I'd always liked guys like that. I didn't know how to label or a name There's different definitions all over the world I from Italy south of Italy actually in april

I found the first italian website. It was called orci italiani That means italian bears afterwards I started to find different websites from all over the world London for the size of the city Has quite a well developed commercial scene that's aimed at bigger guys and bears It's just so nice to see a lot of fur nowadays. We've become a bit of a fetish. I only have an interest in bears There's no concern over body image. It's like a club, you know, it's like It's like this sense of belonging being able to relate to other people Hairy school doesn't matter. That's the good thing about being in the bear community. It's not about fitting a type

Wow, there is somebody for everybody out there sooner or later Everybody gets taken care of and it's everything that every fat man ever dreamed about except It's with other genes I love it. Mm-hmm. That's pretty great Oh Oh, there it is Yeah, so So, where did you find this? This was sent to us by a listener

um It's the uh trailer for bear nation Malcolm Ingram directed it. I think it's also being produced by kevin smith who you heard that was that was who commented I love kevin smith. Uh, it's everything a fat dude wants um Yeah, so there's a whole movie coming out about bears. It's about time. Can I I love bears. I'm a huge fan myself And i'm super excited. I can't wait to see this. Yeah, I think it's gonna be really good

It's the guy I think he also directed a movie called small town gay bar Okay, which is uh, I think about a gay bar in mississippi. Oh my god That's not familiar. I think we saw it. Did we not see that? Um, we may have caught part of that on cable. But I don't think we've seen it start to finish. That's that's definitely something to maybe Uh Check out, you know that is so cool at my shows I did marco island this last week and there was this whole table of gay dudes They just it was so much fun and I was I say bears

I was like talking about bears and they were like They lit up and none of the straight people in the room knew what I was talking about. It was the best moment Oh, this is um, our favorite her suit per suit Gotta get the new album by the way. We only have the old album. They have a new album. Yeah a new album coming out Come on black. I didn't know that. I didn't know you guys have a new album. Well, I'm excited to watch this bear documentary I don't know kevin smith was uh, who's doing it makes sense though. Yeah, um That's cool So I want to get the new the new album

um Anyways, something to check out. That's cool. Um, I'm trying to get kasey on the phone Uh, you know kasey my buddy who where the dudes at started? Yeah Hasn't you know I talked to him, but he was upset for a while He's not really on board with this whole where the dudes at asking him where the dudes are. I think maybe he's calmed down And uh, maybe we can talk about it now, but he wasn't you know Wasn't real happy about it. No, it wasn't really happy about it. Um, we got we got a We should play this real quick, right? Because the real talk. Yeah. Oh, I can't wait. I've been waiting for you to say this

Okay, let's fucking get into it, man. Oh, yeah We'll talk. Oh, yeah We'll talk. Oh, yeah We'll talk. Oh, yeah We'll talk Gets me every time that r kelly the r kelly part so, uh You know, we've been really getting into my big fat american gypsy wedding and also my big fat gypsy wedding

Who hasn't um, and the episode that aired we saw I guess it aired last week That was the best one. That's definitely that's aired. It's phenomenal. It's got everything you guys haven't seen it. It's on tlc um This episode, I think this should this is a little teaser for it. It was it did not disappoint On my big fat american gypsy wedding A gypsy bride commits to her cousin in holy matrimony And orders a high voltage wedding dress that blows her mind Oh my god

This is gonna make his jaws drop Draws swirl. Yeah, both of his jaws. Yeah, plus histories made when the first gay gypsy wedding takes place in ohio You better get ready because the party is coming lock up your daughters But breaking gypsy rules isn't easy. I know they're probably not gonna be okay with it. I'm pretty much gonna be cut off No one's ever heard of actually gay gypsy wedding Oh Amazing amazing is right the um the cousin one I guess it's very common. Well in gypsy culture. Well, and not only in gypsy culture, but I will admit

I think in my own family. I I really we're euro trash hungarian Somewhere in my hungarian lineage. I believe somebody married cousins too. Really? Which is why one of my cousins is a little off I have a cousin in hungry who chases aliens. They say it's a blood type disease But he's just real slow and I think what's his name? I don't want to say his name. He's not listening He's speaking English. His name is chaba He's always looking for the aliens right chaba. Here's the thing chaba took to Writing bicycles. He lives at home. He's like 40 something and he still lives with his parents

And nobody in the family will admit that chaba is like retarded like we all are like Well, no, he's not he's just okay. Chaba is just special. So about I don't know 10 15 years ago He took to just riding his bicycle through budapest and he just that's what he fucking does day in and day out And one day he was out there and he swears that he saw aliens And he rode home as fast as he could and he told everybody about the aliens So now that's his thing. He keeps looking for the aliens to come back. Yeah, and that's I think a direct result of this cousin fucking business Yeah, I'm not proud of it. So his parents are cousins. I don't know about that. I don't know I'm saying that somewhere. I know I've heard stories and my father told me stories that somewhere in my lineage

There's cousin marriage There's yeah weird weird stuff like that's but see that's a european. Maybe that's why you have six toes Webbed feet No, I'm telling you because in central europe and eastern europe where these gypsies are from the the roman is shales These are that's where they're from. We're romney. We're romney shales. We're romney shale. We won't you could hire the thing But that's the gypsies. Uh, that's you know, his jaws has got a drop This gon be the best wedding ever most sparkly dress ever maybe that incest is why you have those nipples on your back Nipples or you have eight of them like a dog. You have eight dog nipples and they're on your front and your back give 16 nipples

My favorite is when uh, the groom is trying on the tuxedos of this friend and the guy goes I'm smother kaiten in here smother kaiten Amazing that's uh, yeah a word they made up. This might have be is this um Let me see if this is Oh It's annie's bachelorette party Yes, this is the cousin Her family doesn't mind that she's marrying her first cousin, but they do mind that she's living in sin

That's the problem for her. It's not definitely not okay for us as a sister or a mother And it's not okay as a gypsy a romney period because that's not what we believe in and it's just time now Because you're gonna start getting talked about as As they start basically trash Oh That's not only because our yes, he's marrying her and that's what i'm i'm happy about I got it. Let's all have a chance anyway. And anyway, let's knock it off guys When annie marries her cousin josh is she won't be the first in her family to wed a close relative

See, you know cousins. I mean a lot of people look down on that Um, but I like my first husband was my third cousin My first husband was my family If cats mate with their child or whatever, you know, the cats are crazy. Maybe that's why We're all a little off, you know, because the whole If your blood, uh, your blood's too close That's she's right and you're up. That's uh common. There you go, sister. There you go Smoother kiting. Uh, that was an amazing one. And then of course there was the the lesbian

Yeah, but wait, can I say my favorite part about that clip was when she was like, you don't want people thinking you're trash Yeah, talking about you. Yeah, as if nothing before this was trashy. Yeah, like the garbage calling right before us We thought you were princess die And then we heard that detail really fucking Softened it up for us. Lady die. Yeah. Um, yeah, none of the lesbies Which, whoa, listen. All right. We're very pro gay people. We uh, but these two broads we're looking for dudes But these two broads were it is possibly the most unattractive couple On the planet or and look, I and I'm not look

I don't judge a lot of books by their cup, but these two women Were the most hideous broads that could have been it's not nice. It's not nice, but it was goddamn accurate They were fucking horrifying horrific Really bad. I mean one of them looked like a fucking all-pro guard for like, you know The baltimore ravens she looked like she could just fucking fill in if somebody got injured And which is fine, you know, she's a beast, but no the part I'm talking about cosmetic things things you can control What's that arm hair excessive

Black arm hair, you know what I'm as a lay like I'm not I'm not that great at being a girl I'm not that girly. That's one of those things. We were like just buy a fucking no-no or whatever those things are Yeah, I know stop smoking indoors. Stop smoking in your house They're both round the clock smoking their cigarettes and step outside go outdoors. Yeah, keep the home a sacred place Little things like yeah, like hygiene. Okay. You can control that stuff. I'm just saying yeah I'm not like I feel bad shitting on people's appearance, but there's things you can control to make it better Teeth fixing the teeth She looks like she smells although I couldn't smell her through the tv

She looked like she smells Which one? Both of them Who smells worse though the 43 year old 48 or the 20 something Gypsy girl. Yeah, there was 23 years between them, which is unusual. I think for a female gay couple. Yeah, I don't know I don't know enough to really I know in the gay community for men. Yeah, generally. Yeah, the older guy will go for like the young hot like straight guys do

Right exactly, but in the lesbian community. I don't know. They might just love each other for real love They think I think they had some real love. It seemed like real love Just real ugly Real ugly fucking greasy pig love. Yeah. Yeah Real fucking seal hunting love Um, yeah, so you gotta see that it's retarded It is retarded, you know, I gotta wrap this up because I know you gotta go jeans. I got a show tonight. Um Thanks for

Listening and we'll hope to see you at our live shows and next week. We'll have a big surprise We've been real excited about this. Uh-huh We'll announce it next week's episode and huge surprise. We also will give you a jam packed Top dog audio episode Um They'd be a lot of it. It'll be fun. And I also I want to thank the mommies I met a friend Naples who gave me a framed recipe for poop soup lord cranio at lord cranio and at call me duchess

Thank you guys so much and for all the mommies who came out to marco island really really made my week amazing Thank you guys for supporting us. Um, what do they they have? Uh Uh, what do have like ingredients for their own poop? No, this guy in his girlfriend They sat in the front row of the show and he put up this framed Thing of of a recipe for his poop soup, which is it's got italian sausage onions garlic Uh fennel black beans corn beef stock sour cream oregano and tortilla chips or fritos Now tell me that won't make you shit That's gonna make you shit if that doesn't make you shit nothing will make you shit

Well, thanks for that poop soup. We're gonna have to try it sometime for sure dude tonight. Thanks for Uh listening to us. Yes mommies. We love you I sit the dumb peek watching gondy till i'm charmed and writing in my book around all the words past the margin The whole of mic i'm dropping mechanical movement Understandable smooth shit that murderers move with the feasting the feasting play me at night. They won't act right between