Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Come Get Fat With Tom Segura | Your Mom's House Ep. 837

Episode Date: November 19, 2025

Tom will be touring in Tacoma, Washington at the Emerald Queen Casino, and after that, Oakland, California, at the Paramount Theatre November 30th. Go get your tickets now at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: - Don’t miss out on early Black Friday deals. Head to https://Wayfair.com now to shop Wayfair’s Black Friday deals for up to 70% off. - Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/momshouse - Use code YMH at https://monarch.com in your browser for half off your first year. What's up, Chomos?!? It's a super-sized episode as Tom and Christina spiral into complete chaos as they announce Tom’s brand new Italian bakery opening in Austin, debate the official hierarchy of Small Fat, Mid Fat & Super Fat, and revisit one of YMH’s greatest Cool Guys — the meth dude who “came in 4 strokes.” The mommies also break down a billionaire who lost over $300 million gambling, roast Bezos and Zuckerberg’s glow-ups, and discuss why every CEO is suddenly shredded. Plus: fat pets, fart mics, autistic rant guy, and the saddest cat breastfeeding story ever told. Your Mom’s House Ep. 837 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:46 - A Taste Of IT-Ly 00:05:40 - Opening Chaos & Classic Cool Guy Musings 00:10:55 - What Type Of Fat Are You? 00:19:51 - Clip: Rant On Autism 00:22:26 - Clip: The Drooling Gambler 00:29:47 - Clip: Fat Love 00:35:53 - Fat Pets 00:44:49 - Clip: Ex Liked My Farts 00:46:12 - Fit CEO's 00:54:51 - Tommy Lasorda 00:58:31 - Clip: Dressed Up 01:00:57 - Horrible Or Hilarious 01:04:18 - Indian Hospitals 01:08:08 - TikToks 01:14:09 - Closing Song - "Principal Coffee" by Chydah Sneeze Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, everyone, I have some exciting shows coming up on Saturday, November 29th. I will be in Tacoma, Washington at the Emerald Queen Casino. After that, I'll be in Oakland, California at the Paramount Theater on November 30th. Tickets and all info is at tomsagra.com slash tour. Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house. Sebastian Manuscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st. 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos? Complete nerd Bezos now, ripped the shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep coming!

Sebastian Manuscalco, It Ain't Right, premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms Apply. Ciao Come estai Benvenuto I'm a propetario of Chichobomba

Welcome to another mamasode of your mama's place Beinvenito I love your shirt Thanks

I'm very excited Some of you know that I've been a long time Super fan of quassons Oh you said that so nicely

And I try them in any city Where people go You gotta try them But my all-time favorites at a place called Cinque Terra West in Los Angeles. I used to go there and I would buy a pizza box worth of croissons.

You did. And then I would walk around and I would give people free ones on my walk. I was like, you want one, you want one? True story. And then I would only bring home the remaining 42. Anyway, I was such a big fan of that place. I still am. And I befriended the owners.

And then about a year and a half ago, we started talking about, opening a place here in Austin and so we broke ground and that place is under construction it should be open sometime after the new year but in the meantime we have a pop-up location and it's at the fairgrounds downtown underneath the Wells Fargo building that's on the corner of I think second and Brazos on this side and then Congress is on the other side yeah so anyway I stopped by today I picked up some pastries and brought them in but if you're listening to this show the day that it comes out or any time after that pop-up is open oh we're open for business

so if you want to make your way to downtown ATX and go to the fairgrounds like i said the wells fargo building you can hit up our pop-up location and um it's really really good your quassants all the pastries that i've tried are outrageous i can't believe that you your love of the queson was such that you brought this guy from L.A. Yes. He's from Italy. Yes. And then he's lived in L.A. for many years.

And he had a place there. But this place that we're opening here, I'm telling you, like, I was just there. And they had just baked plain chocolate. And then they had the pastries with blueberries. Oh, my. Pairs. They had a raisin one. They had a baka.

And they had homemade focacca with onions. Unreal. One with tomato. And he did pizza with prosciutto and another one with burrata. You're going to like the way you look. And it's, it's real Italians from Italy. They're from Italy. So if you guys have never been to Italy, this is a taste.

Jamba, Dante, Luchano. They're off the fucking boat, man. They're sitting there spitting their Italy into each other. Well, what's the place called? I don't know if you said the name. Chichobamba. Chichobombo. But how do you spell that for the...

C-I-C-I-O-B-O-M-B-A. and it means a little fat ass what's what you call a little fat ass kid in Italy A gordito A little gordito you call him

Chichu Bamba He's about to explode He's about to explode You're about to explode Your little fat That's really That's such a sweet little thing Yeah it's really cool

It's so authentic too Which is what's so special Because the pastries you eat here in the US Sometimes are just dog shit Compared to European And here's the thing I do really watch

What I eat these days But if I'm gonna indulge I want it to be worth it. Yeah, dog. Sometimes you go, oh, I'm just going to eat this dog shit pastry. And then you have the calories without the taste. You're like, I just wasted this. That's so angry. So what I'm going to say to you guys is if you want to get fat, get fat with me. That's right. Come to my fat place. Get fat with Tom Segura. Yeah. Chichobamba. We're going to show this footage in about six months and be like, wow, Tom, you put on 45 pounds. Of course. I open a

bakery and now fit into my shirts no more. Yeah. You don't see the danger. Oh, it's like... Even there, they were like, you look skinny today. Maybe not in a few a month. No way. Yeah, I know. Oh, that's so exciting, Gene. I cannot fucking wait.

I can't wait. And we have a coffee, of course, espresso, cappuccino. You have what you want. You have, it's your life. You live your life. Hey, live your life. Speaking of cappuccino, I'm drinking this coffee here. And watch this.

This is my new lipstick I'm vetting. The liquid lipstick ever more. and nocturn. Oh, look at that. Not a goddamn bit of lipstick on this cup. That's how strong this liquid lipstick is. It will stay the F. There you go.

Own. So this is the first shade, nocturn. Oh, yeah, there's nothing on the cup. Tuttocheque. E Italian and Miorre. ChristinaP.com for all my lipsticks are available and my blush, which is to die for. You're going to like the way you look.

Buy it now for the holidays so that you don't forget. You heard it here? stroke that thing in four strokes. Oh, my God. I forgot the four strokes. Oh, we can revisit it at some point. He came in four. His penis, but his dick had become so sensitive.

That's what he said, right? Yeah. His dick had become so sensitive. Oh, my bad. Oh, fuck. I just pucked this up, man. I don't know how to stop it. Chaos.

Chaos. There you go. My bad. It's fun. It's fun. And Christina Pajitzen, Christina Pritchie Welcome to your mom's house.

Miao, meow, meow, meow, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, mhm, mhm, mhm, mm-hmm. Ah, that's good water. A whore, she likes Dix. Dix, your mother. I realized what I was looking for the, for this for you. He jacked off in four strokes. And I hit the wrong button. And Dickhead becomes so sensitive.

I have forgotten all about him. He was the man. But can I tell you with these cool guys, like I go full circle. Like I go through repulsion. Yep. I go through anger. I go through depression, sadness. It's called the stages of cool.

Yeah. Those are the stages of being cool. Totally. Yeah. But now I'm in full acceptance of him. Yeah. And I'm ready to revisit if you are anytime soon. Yeah.

You're getting a text from him or something? Yeah. He's got an important text. Don't worry about it. Who's it from? It's, um... I can't believe how big his dick was. Yeah.

That was his brother. His brother. Yeah. No, he was jacking off with his brother. Well, yeah, because they smoked meth. And then he was like, I can come so fast. And you don't need Viagra, you don't need Seyallis. You don't need lube.

You don't need spit. No. I'll let anybody blow me. That was another fun detail that he gave. Like, I like blow jobs, but I don't even care who it is. I'll come fast. I'll tell them a meth. Yeah.

But see, that's cool. Like, now I see the coolness in that. Yeah. Before I was repulsed and now I've accepted. That's wild from you because you really never liked it before. No, as I've changed, forever changed. That's so cool. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Let me see if I can find my guy here. Where is he? Oh, here he is. God. Yeah. Yep, there he is.

If you've had any kind of erectile disorder problems, I'm here to tell you, forget about Viagra, forget about salads, forget about dick and plants and all that stuff. Yeah. So I don't know if you believe me or not. I don't. But if you like to see me smoke some meth with a small limp dick, yes. It doesn't get hard any other way.

Don't you get harder and harder. The more I smoke, the harder my dick gets, It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. Hold on. Pause for one second. Oh, yeah. Did he say it doesn't get harder any other way?

Yeah, it doesn't get hard any other way. Well, this completely, this is like when you see something and then you see a new layer to the painting. Like a Kubrick film. Yeah. You go back and you're like, oh, wow, I didn't know that. I didn't realize he had erectile problems. He does, yeah. He found the solution.

But he has no neuropathy issues. Yeah, that's, well, that's your, you know, you're kind of giving away one of the big. points coming up yeah become so sensitive that you don't need lube you don't need spit okay yeah just stroke that dickhead this up and out just the head just barely do it just stroke the head an enormous amount of very thick uh it's thick hot white yeah well i like it thick yeah we didn't think it would be green but yeah but it's thick and i think that's the crucial point with meth because you're very dehydrated when you smoke a lot of meth are you emphetamine yeah it makes you thirsty as shit how do you know that because

family members that have done I swear to God. Yeah, he had pretty parched. My brother didn't believe me. Yeah. But when he smoked with me, he put out his dick, I can't believe how big his dick was. He jacked off in four strokes.

Yeah. He shot the most come. He'd ever shot in his life. Did he say that? And he's fine. He has no neuropathy problem at all. He's fine. But his dick gets even harder and thicker

and even more cum. He believes me now. Yeah, so I think one of the things you're getting from there is that he has neuropathy issues. Correct. That's why he's making the qualification. He doesn't have any, you know? My brother doesn't have neuropathy issues.

Therefore, you know what that is? Deductive reasoning. Yeah. And you said, therefore, I have it. And that's why he chose meth to help him get hard-ons. Yeah. It's amazing that this show has been out this long in this clip, and no one has been like, oh, Ted, you know.

Like, no one's ever hit us up about him. I do not believe that he is still with us on this earth. That's my guess. But yeah. Does anybody know who this man is? I mean, we've asked for years. I'd be very surprised if somebody... Oh, this and the Benadryl guy.

He's dead. That's confirmed. Yeah, he's dead. He died a few years ago. Benadryl? Yeah. Yeah, he's dead. Very dead.

I feel like I didn't even get a chance to mourn. Where is he? Used to have a thing, I thought. Oh, there's. Oh, there's four strokes. Yeah. Well, that looks like any. Where's any today?

Sick. Oh, he's sick. Oh. Hmm. Well, here's the clip I was going to play for you. Would you like to see it? Here you go. Can you tell me what category of fat I fit in?

So it's based on your shirt size. So if you are a one or two X, you are small fat. Three to four X, you are mid fat. Five to six X, you are super fat. Is based on what level of privilege you have in the world. Oh, that's based on privilege. Yeah. The sizing.

Yeah. I mean, she further explains. Sure. that category may not struggle getting on an airplane, but someone in a midfat or super fat may not be able to use even the airplane extender. So that's where that comes in and like the privilege levels of like what fat means to different people. That's pretty cool. I didn't know that. I've definitely been small fat and I think I've been mid fat too. So I've had different levels of privilege. You've had to use the you couldn't use the extender. I've never had a seatbelt

extender. But I'm saying she said based on her shirt size thing because I was definitely XL double X. I think I was a three X a couple times too. But yeah. Now I'm now I'm fully privileged. Yeah. I think I'm just L. Privilege. I don't know if the, I think what she's trying to say is like levels of living you can do. Because privilege to me sounds like it's unwarranted. Like doesn't that connotate like just because of your birth, you're born a white blonde lady? tell you something yeah you sound like a real bitch right now i sound like i'm full of privilege yeah yeah i know the holiday season is right around the corner and that means prolonged visits with family and if you're lucky mentally preparing to host them all whether you're in need of new cookware or fresh

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Well, she's saying that like if you're a four, five, six X, you don't have the privilege that people who are not that size have, right? The opposite is true then. Like there is privilege to being. No. There's privilege to not being five and six X. Oh, I know. And I have that. So you're a fucking asshole who has privilege. Because you're not a six X. My invisible knapsack of privilege that I carry around with me. That's one of them.

Oh yeah. You can fucking walk up these stairs. That must be nice. You can fit in a booth real cool. But I do think if you're heavy, there's a certain way. you should dress, that's not it. That's not it. And the hair is not it. Like, if you're going to be, if you're going to be noticeable because of your size, I would try to like make my style less volume, you know?

She's close to not being fat. She's not that big. Yeah, I don't think she's big. No. I wouldn't say she's. By her own, you know. Privilege. Yeah.

Well, by her own list, I think she's small fat. She's small fat. Yeah. So she's got all the privileges. You better hand over the reins to some super fat because you're not going to be there much. longer. Is anybody there super fat? I don't think they had a super fat. I mean, I was just looking at the room. Let's see. Well, in the previous one we saw, well, the one who was asking. Tell me what category of fat I fit in. So she's small fat? I mean, yeah, probably 2x, something like that, I think.

Yeah, that's not that big. I mean, look, it's so easy to be fat. It's like, it's, God, it happens so fast. Well, that guy in the left isn't fat at all. He's probably like, ha, ha, you guys are fat. I'm not. He's like, oh, I'm checking my privilege. Isn't that guy there? He's probably an XL or maybe 2X. And I definitely think that crocs are a bad shoe when you're fat. Those types of items accentuate your heaviness.

Yeah, but I think they're comfortable. Exactly. Yeah. So when you're fat, you shouldn't dress comfortably. You should be less comfortably dressed. Because you're fat. Because you'll look shittier. Here's, let me say this.

Interesting. I was at the track meet with the kid the other day. Yeah. And there were people wearing sweatshirts. universally sweatshirts look like shit no matter if you're thin young, old you look like

a fucking garbage bag in sweats as Carl Lagerap I would say something who has given up on it. You've given up in life so you've already look like you've given up don't, sorry you've already given up don't look like you've given up try to reverse the trend

that's interesting it's so easy to get fat it's so fucking easy and the old you get it god damn it every day is a battle to not be fatter every day every fucking day it's so hard i woke up today and just was like yogurt protein fruit some white fucking like oatmeal bullshit and then honey and then i worked out and then i came home and i ate eggs and berries yeah it's all just like don't be fat don't be fat don't be fat eat this food

and don't be fat and then i open a fucking bakery to get fat as fuck i'm gonna be so fat so fat we just can't go there, Gene. I know. Mommy, we cannot go. Come by my bakery. Trachia Bamba. Tishabamba. I'm Thompson and I'm

plus size fat. Come to change your bumble. I used to be regular size and now I'm a 6x and I'm super fat. You want to have a Cornetti with me? They're so good too.

I did sample bites and I was like I got to get out of here. Of course. It's disgusting. Can I tell you to these French, where they say, oh, the French women, they have quescent every morning with their cappuccino. Bullshed. These bitches have two little bites, the morsel, and I'm so fool. That's kind of the key to it.

That's how you do it. That's what you discover. Guess what? You're not going to get fat if you have a couple bites. Two bites. You're going to get fat if you have four whole things. Yeah, dog. And if you're middle-aged, just smelling it.

You're destroyed. I know. You can't even. You just can't. I could see my future when I was there today. Oh, yeah. And they're like, this is yours. You're the owner.

Eat what you want. And I was like, um, I should go. That's how I feel if I owned a bar. Yeah. That's lights out. Like a wine bar, like a dark, moody wine bar that I owned. Oh, I'm an alcoholic. Drink the place out of business.

Every day. And then I got to order some hummus with that or whatever. Yeah. You have diarrhea. It's tapas. Yeah. just order pizzas and shit and god damn it it's just you just can't have fun anymore the fun is over when you're 50 the fun ends the fun and when you get older is telling people how it is

that's what's that's the new fun is that you get to tell people how it is like this guy and kids with autism are not my fucking problem you take care of your fucking problem i got to manage mine there's your fucking autism help take care of your own fucking losers okay okay i already to have a tough enough time handling my own shit. Yeah. Take your little fucking autistic kids. Go fuck yourself. Figure out your own fucking problems.

You had that kid, not me. You raised that kid, not me. Nobody's responsible for raising that kid but you. Take your autism, shove it up your ass. So it's just a cool, kind of well-balanced guy, member of society. He's in a limo. What is he in some kind of car? I don't know.

He's on his break. He lit it. He back-lit it. How did you get that fired up about an autistic kid? I mean, he's going to be bummed when, like, it's the autistic doctor that's saving his life on an operating table, because lo and behold, a lot of those autistics are pretty fucking smart. You think the guy's about to save his life, and then he just takes his phone and he goes, do you remember this? I'm going to let you die now. Fuck you.

I wouldn't put down autistics. They're highly intelligent. They're in so many facets of society. This is a fucking, this is one of the wilder rants that I've seen. Fuck your kids? I don't know, man Man, this is a dark one, Tim. He's really, really angry.

He must post shit like this all the time, I guess. You know what? Okay, here's what it is. He's the kind of guy that's like, oh, this new tax thing came out where our money, our tax money is going to help autistic kids in Rochester County or whatever, and he's pissed because his tax money is going there. Some stupid shit like that.

Proposition 5. The guys that go to the council meetings. Yeah. wait in line and they walk up they go fuck your kids they're like thanks thank you for voicing your concerns sir that's him he's mad about some shit that doesn't apply to him nothing nothing to do with him guys angry could you imagine though displacing your anger that hot actually i can i'm pretty irrational and the thing is when you posted on social media you really are just like you're just yeah he's just yelling at his phone yeah and you know you upload it and you're like oh that feels

better but i mean you're not all you're doing is making sure everyone knows the you're an asshole, right? That's what he did. But do you, do you, is he looking at the comments and then hoping to start a fight? Maybe. I don't know. This guy seems like he's real, like this, this is probably what fuels him. Yeah.

Is saying crazy shit like this. The autistic kids. You want to see someone who's also kind of off a little bit? No lipstick on the cup. Still, brew. Pretty crazy. Check this out. This is insanity.

What do you think you lost lifetime gambling? Including that 30 million. He's drooling. Yeah, no, I know. How does he have that much money? I don't know. But look at it. He also seems like he's like...

Touched, yeah. Yeah, he's touched. If he were a kid, the other guy would be yelling at him. I was going to say that. Yeah. But you did so that I didn't have to. 150 million. The bulk of that, probably to the Seizures Corporation.

Yes. The Seizers Corporation. Wipe your mouth. I know. Yes. Yes. Yeah. He's just drooling thinking about gambling.

And you were living here at the time, or are you still living in a suite? Living in a suite? In fact, in 2007, Caesars Corporation said 5.6 of its entire gambling revenue came from you alone. Yes. 5.6% of their entire money came from Terry Watanabe. Yeah. So what is he just like a Japanese? He was an inheritance guy, came between 2007-8 at Caesar's Palace and the Rio in Vegas.

He was the billionaire so lost in Vegas that casinos allegedly kept him wired on booze, painkillers, and cocaine. Betting $200,000 a hand once offering $50K to open in and out at 3 a.m. just to feed his entourage after an all-night gambling binge. After selling his family's company, Oriental trading, his word, not mine. Wantanabe became an ultra-high-stakes gambler. He reportedly gambled almost every day, betting millions of dollars per session on blackjack and other casino games. Casinos extended him enormous credit lines,

sometimes tens of millions, and treated him lavishly with private sweets, staff, and luxury perks to keep him gambling. His spiral was fueled by a combination of addiction, depression, and the casino's encouragement. He was known to drink heavily while gambling and later alleged the casinos kept serving him alcohol, allowing him to gamble when even visible.

even visibly impaired. He ultimately lost over 200 million, one of the largest individual losses in history. Caesars sued him over unpaid debts. He countersued, claiming the casino exploited his addiction. The case was settled privately. Since then, his story has become a cautionary tale about casino practices and gambling addiction

among the ultra wealthy. So just to get this straight, he cashed out the Oriental trading company, which was a huge... It was his families. And they were like, you now get... this. And he was like, fuck this bullshit. I'm going to Vegas. I'm going to go. Fuck everything up. God. Yeah. And he doesn't have a terminal illness or anything. He's just an

asshole. He's just an addict. Like all of us. Like fuck this. He's an addict. He's a hardcore addict. He's still drooling. So he's maybe has resolved it yet. I mean, maybe he's on pain pills right now. Can you really blame the casino though? I'm curious to see what the lawsuit. I don't think you can blame. I mean, I do think they probably were like, this is. wild. We got to, you know, give him another fucking tequila. This guy is course. They were loving it. But that's what they do to everybody. Yeah.

He's not special. No, and then nobody could get him away from there because they were having a good time. Like if your friend is the guy doing that, you're just hanging out. You're like, do it again. About another 200 grand. You'll get it back. God, that's the problem with being rich. Nobody tells you no. No one says no. Nobody's saying nobody yet. And that's like mega rich. I mean, that's, you know, 200 grand to

hand. That's so nice. So you go through the shoe and you're like, whatever, I lost four million. Let's just do it again. It's like fucking crazy. It's crazy. I know. This time of year can be challenging to stay on budget between all the traveling, gift giving, and entertaining. Don't make the mistake of losing sight of your finances so much that you have to choose which family members you love enough to risk your rent money for. If you want to keep your finances under control this holiday season, you need to be using Monarch. Rated Wall Street Journal's best budgeting app of 2025, Monarch is the all-in-one personal finance tool that brings your entire financial life together in one clean interface on your laptop or your phone. And right now, just for our listeners, Monarch is offering 50% off your first year. I believe that Monarch truly is the greatest app to track your finances. It really is so, handy it's so useful you just link your bank account information into this one app and you can see how much you're spending and on personal needs and on this that and the other thing and you can say

goodbye to the guessing the hiding and arguments that start with i didn't know we spent that much don't let financial opportunity slip through the cracks use code ymh at monarch.com in your browser for half off your first year that's 50% off your first year at monarch.com with code YMH. This Giving Tuesday, CamH is counting on your support. Together, we can forge a better path for mental health by creating a future where Canadians can get the help they need, when they need it, no matter who or where they are.

From November 25th to December 2nd, your donation will be doubled. That means every dollar goes twice as far to help build a future where no one's seeking help is left behind. Donate today at camh.ca.ca slash giving Tuesday. I don't enjoy gambling so I don't get this form of addiction. Yeah. I kind of get it, but I've never had the real, like I've never had the urge to really go hard.

You know, I've done like a few hundred bucks. I think I've bet a thousand dollars on something. But that to me was like, I mean, heart palpitations. Yeah, I don't like it. I don't like how it feels to lose hard earned money. It hurts, man. bucks like it doesn't because you guess what guys the house the saying is like the the customer always wins right right that's how it goes if you're if you're into gambling the expression is you'll you're definitely not

going to lose that's how they say winners win so like you know i remember too how i i can remember like it was yesterday i went to i was in Vegas i was doing a gig and before the gig we went to the one of the rooms to gamble we were playing blackjack and i was winning and betting, you know, a few hundred dollars a hand. And I won $7,500. And I was riding such a high. Like, I went to the show and I was like, and we got back. And I was like, let's go back in there. And people were trying to tell them, they're like, don't, you won. I was like, no, man, let's go back. And I lost what I'd won. I lost the $7,500 within minutes. And then I went to my room and I stared at the ceiling for an hour. And I felt so,

empty and depressed. And that was for $7,500 that I'd won two hours earlier. Yeah. And it just, it killed me. I hated it. I hated the feeling. It was so depressing. I can't imagine.

I know. If you're talking about tens of thousands or millions of dollars, like I don't, I can't imagine what you do. But I'm wondering, because his reaction, he's drooling and he doesn't seem to be, he doesn't seem to have that level of self-reflection. Yeah. And he's like, I would do it again if I could sell another company. Yeah, of course he's a hardcore addict.

See, there's no sense of remorse. He just doesn't have any more. But he just like, you don't have any more money. He's like, oh, okay. Okay. I go back now. I go home. Poor guy.

He's really in his suffering. He really hates himself. I want to say that I feel like... Piece of shit. Fats might feel attacked, you know, by the house. And I just want them to know that you can still find love. You can. And you can lift me up while we're in this water.

Let me see. Let me see. Try to be hurtling for a minute. Herculee. My boyfriend Wendell and I have been together for six years. He slid in my dms a couple times and I ignored him. But once he wrote me and said, hey, could I take you out to dinner? I was like, oh, well, you should have started with that, sir.

Yep. Ain't that how it went? Yeah, you got it right, so far. Oh, so far. Oh, so far. God bless black men. They love Fatsos. Otherwise, this woman would not have love in her life.

Well, we saw a couple one time, and that was a white guy. Oh, right. A white guy with a white lady. With a orca. Really. Yeah. It's very rare. That was something else going on.

It was beached. And this guy, she was like, Harold. And he needed assistance. They had a crane that came out and then helped her up. It was wild. But Gene. Yeah. Gene.

Tell the listeners how long ago that was. That's before we had kids, babe. We saw that couple. Yeah, it was over 10 years ago. Yeah. That's how much that's stuck in our memory. So that's an anomaly, babe. He was fit.

He wasn't fit. He was just a thin guy. Okay, so he was thin, but the wife was Shamoo. He was middle-aged, and she was, yeah, it was like a manatee had just, like, kind of swam up on the shore. And she was stuck. She was stuck in the shoreline. And then he was like, and she was like, get me up.

But I remember that he had to go with the waves. Yeah. And then use the momentum to get her out. And you and I were like, what the fuck is happening? I feel like that's some sort of kink, though, right? I mean... I think the guy that is with that size isn't just like, oh, I find that attractive. They like the feeling of the need for them.

The caretaking is part of what you get off on. you're like this person can't do everything by themselves like stand up from the ground or you know what now that i'm thinking about it we were in a we were in a was that turks and cacos it was somewhere yeah it was on a cruise or something yeah your parents took us on a cruise after we gotten married right was that the one i don't remember and so we were it was a fancy island like you needed some scratch to go to this island this isn't like margaritaville in you know jacksonville florida this is a real place maybe she had money because I do recall

a weight kink there was one other lady we saw that dynamic in a different place too one time and I was like oh she's got to have money she's got to be an heiress maybe that maybe that's not so much money is that that's what he gets his dick hard yeah dopamine he's just like

she needs me I wish you had that like so I could just let it go you just take care of me I'll tell you something that's not coming so don't even worry about it. I know it. Oh, I love them, though. I love you drum this little.

Aw. Would you do that for me? I don't know. It's just something about bigger women, like, heavy-set women that I like. I like to play with her arms. I like to grab up on the, you know, play with a belly and rose or thing.

You know what I'm saying? Like, I like, I love it. He loves it. I feel like, okay, this is a whole lot. So if I get something else, that's a whole lot, that's going to be hot. But he is the smallest I have ever dated, ever. Hey, he's super skinny.

Yeah. I'm guessing he's probably around maybe 140 pounds or something. And then I would say that she's probably like, probably like getting close to 500, you know? Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah, she's probably like around 500 pounds. Yeah, because he's like runner skinny. Yeah, he's a real skinny dude.

He's a real skinny guy. That's really cool. I'd like to see that. I'm sure there's porn for this. I just don't want to watch it. Of course. Can we look it up? Just curiosity.

I just want to see what it looks like for like a skinny guy to have sex with a really big lady. How do you even do it? Yeah. Because they have to do it. Think about it. She can't, if she's on her back, she has to hold her stomach up. Yeah, that's hot. Thanks.

And then if she's... She can't get on top. She probably can't get into doggy because remember when I was super pregnant? and we tried it was so so fat i couldn't really do it i mean she has to lay on her side i guess or lay on her back if she's that big and whoever's that big has to yeah what happens if there's two super fatties then that's what i'm saying because a real big guy can't mount you if he's that big no because i know somebody that was married to a great big fat person yeah and she was normal sized yeah and she said they had to do it a certain way like that too oh my god i'm gonna throw

up. Did you find something? You throw it your roogie? Where'd you throw that roguie? Because it's making me feel sick. On the floor. I thought talking about this. Did you put it on the floor like you do in our house? No, I put it in the trash can. Oh, I find those rubies everywhere. Not just masturbation.

Hmm. Hmm. Oh, okay, there we go. There's a doggy style. But she doesn't seem super fat. Yeah, but she's pretty big. But that's the idea. She has to lay on her side. These are privileged fats. I want the non-privileged. Yeah, you want a super fat.

Yeah, yeah. No, I don't buy this. Doggy style. With her, she can't get on all fours. Yeah, these are not, they're not super fatties. I want real fats, Neona. Oh, my God. You need a boy to help you look.

Girls are not. You know what, we're good. You can take that down. Thanks very much. Appreciate it. Guys know where to find this stuff? Lickety split. Yeah.

Get Cougar to look or whoever's in there. You know who else is fat? No. Any pet we ever get. Stop! It started with my family of origin. I know. Rock it.

My parents, every time, they had multiple dogs all my life. And every time we went to the vet, they'd be like, hey, so this dog's really sick. And we're like, sick? And they're like, well, it's super fat. It's going to die. What are you feeding it? Do you feed it just like bacon? And my parents would be like, oh, um, ah.

We're like, do you walk your dog? That was my favorite. They'd be like, yeah, you know, we let him out. I'm like, no, do you walk him? They were like, we've, yeah, we've been meeting to, yeah. You're like, hey, you're not a good dog owner. And then they would get super offended. So mad.

They'd be like, what? We love these dogs. You're like, no, not just the feeling you have. What do you do for the dog? Nothing. Nothing. So Rocket was a beagle, which beagles are supposed to be really thin. because they're not like greatly built dogs

they have to stay thin but yours was morbidly obese yeah his stomach when he sat on his hind legs his stomach would hang to the side and on the ground and they were like oh my god

I remember the vet being like this is a wildly obese dog and then remember one time you went with your mom to the vet and they're like he's wildly obese and then you go should we put him down

oh yeah in front of your mother she got so mad so mad to me No, do you me. What? He's dying. He's dying because he's under your care.

And then we got bidsy. But hold on. Back it up to Rocket. So Rocket was also, in your family's defense, a shitty dog. Meaning, that fucker was licking dinner plates. Like your mother would clean off the dinner plates, put them in the dishwasher. And he'd be like, ha, ha, ha, licking those. And then he was one of those dogs that would get up on his hind legs and eat anything.

That was on the counter. I know. And they didn't train. They've never trained a dog. So their dogs, all the dogs always misbehave. And you're like, this is horrible. And then she would say like, oh, you don't like dogs. I'm like, no, no, no.

You're supposed to train your dog. Like you can train behaviors. You can train them not to do that. You can train them to not all be chaotic at all hours jumping out. Like you can train them if you actually spend time doing that. And they were like, what? So the dogs were always just like. It's always chaos.

Ferrell. And then they're constantly barking. Anytime someone rang the door. Phone rings or a fucking, yeah, a wind chime blow. The dogs would just go in case. But then the dogs bark and then your mother and your sister and everybody would go, Shut up. Yeah.

And you're like, that's not how to train a dog. So it's a cacophony of like, ding-dong. Right-R-R-R-R-R-Shat the fuck up. Here's a steak. Yeah. Yeah. It was just chaos, dude. And he was fat.

And even the dog. And useless. So useless. The vet was like, you can feed him like green beans. As many as he wanted. Yeah. And then she did it for one day. Yeah.

Remember the day? They're like, yeah, he ate a bowl of green beans. I'm like, yeah, well, he's allowed to. That's cool. And then the next day they were like, we gave him his treats. It's good. Well, that's the thing. He was a treat hound.

So they let him do the stupid beans. Okay. So, Biskey was our. Feefefefe was never obese. No, he wasn't. Biskey, though, got fat with us eating too much. And she's a little tiny Brussels. A Brussels for fun.

But when we had to give her to my mother, because our youngest has a very high dog allergy, Biskie wanted to die and she starved herself. It's true. The dog hasn't eaten his word. Yeah. And we were like, oh, it's because of my mother. Like anyone that spends time with my mother just loses the will to live.

Right. We're like, what's going on? This dog was fat. And now it's like bones. And it's like, it gave, she, she gave the dog anxiety and was like, hi, I can't do this.

Literally. The dog got ill. Yeah. We're like, well, this is not, this never happened with us. No.

Biskie, sweet little Bitsy was the opposite because we had two babies at the time. Yeah. I remember the babies in their high chairs, you know, kids spill half of their food on the floor. So Bitsy was there licking up. Yeah.

Which is fine. I was too tired to clean up macaroni and cheese from the floor. so I was grateful that we had or doing that. That we had a vacuum, a dog vacuum, yes. Let her do it. So that was Biscuit. And now she's barely hanging on. She's skin and bones.

Yeah, well, she gained a little bit more. A little bit, yeah. But she still is like, I don't want to live. She doesn't want to live with your mom. No. And I wish we could take her back, but I had Julian's blood tested again. The doctor says, no, boy, no. The allergies are out of control.

Can't do it with the dog. So we have one cat, munchy. And then, of course, about a month or two ago. we adopted another cat because I'm mentally ill and so your son Ellis too and the kids and we love them and we throw up

so here's my problem but see maybe we can figure this out together in real time since we never talk about this we don't have time to talk about this at home are you ready? Yeah. So here's the problem I got here's why cats are great everything's automated

the litter box cleans itself and then I got cat feeder that automatically so that they're not meowing at you at six in the morning for their meals. Okay, so it's automated. So here's the prop. The little guy needs to eat a certain amount. The big guy, Munchy needs to eat a certain amount. So there's Biscuit, who's the kitten, and Munchkin, the full-grown cat.

Okay? So what happens is the food gets to spend at the same time right next to each other. And now it's a free-for-all. And who's going to win eating the food? The big guy. Big guy. So now Munchy is two pounds overweight. Which in cat weight is, what, 30 pounds?

That's a lot. You can tell, he's a big boy. Yeah. He's a super fat extra. You're like, oh, it's a sagura pet. Yeah. Exactly. So what do I do?

I don't want to lose the automation. Yeah. Because I don't want to wake up to meowing. What the fuck? I got to separate them. You're not asking the right guy. I don't know shit about that. Do you guys know how to do this?

Because the kitten needs to eat. The cat needs to eat. I think the answer is going to be one that, that you don't like. Which is me feeding them fucking separately. In separate rooms, yeah. And then what?

Eventually the automators I can do once Munchkin's weight is stabilized and they get used to eating in these areas. And Biscuit's a little bigger so he can go like, hey, fuck off, that's mine. Because right now he's like, oh.

Poor Biscuit. Yeah. A little biscuit is just like, Okay, I guess we can eat mine. So cute. And he breast feeds on me constantly. But if you want... If you had a cat do that,

Oh my God. So he does biscuits, which is why we call him that biscuit. But then he starts sucking my shirt. Yeah. It's really sad. It's the saddest thing. It's the saddest thing I've ever seen. I know. Yeah, he's just like, every night. Like sucking on a sweatshirt. And I'm like, babe, this is the wrong mom. I got no dits. He's like, I'm fucking, I'm sick of doing this. He like tuckers himself out. Yeah. I've tried to get milk out of this bitch for a month. Yeah. Yeah. And then he gets full and then he falls asleep. But I've tried getting the bottle feeder because I was like, oh, maybe he doesn't. doesn't know how to, he won't latch on to that. Why don't you put the bottle feeder through your

shirt? That's what I'm trying to, I've done it. That's what I've said I've tried, but he doesn't know to suck that. And now I got cat breastfeeding issues. I got a morbid, morbidly obese cat. I got two hamsters that won't fucking die. They're not dead? No. God, I thought they were dead. I've been waiting patiently. Why don't we give them two biscuits? I would fucking love that. And let them just see what he can do. I would love that. Because the hammies, everybody was like they're going to die within like two months. It'll be easy. And then they just keep living.

It's been a year and change. I know. And I'm like, fucking die, dude. I don't want to pay for this anymore. Fucking hamsters. They suck. They hate us. Every time I put my hand in there,

they want to bite me. And it's my fault. I'm a shitty owner. Yeah. I don't fucking train it. Give them to my mom. Give them to my mom. They'll be dead in a week.

Gene. Mommy. Dude, this is such a great idea. We got it. Bro. We got an early Christmas present. Oh, Tommy. It's a hamster.

She has dogs over there. A couple crazy ones, too. Yeah, they'll eat it. Yeah. That's a fun, fun plan. You know what we should do, dude? Put it in one of those balls. You know what?

Yeah, the exercise balls. And then she'll be like, oh, oh, it's so charming. I love these. Take it home. Why don't you take that home? Yeah, take them. Take them. Give them an eating disorder and then bring them back.

Yeah, the hamsters are so well fed, well taken care. of. They're not dying anytime soon. I got something you're going to love. Oh, you're going to like the way I look? Yeah. You guarantee it. My ex-boyfriend loved it when I farted right in his face. And I don't mean just like a little like two. I mean like wet, loud, messy parts. He loved that. He loved that. Pretty cool, huh? I'm sure he loves you putting a video out there about that. Yeah. Everyone knows who your ex is. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's cool. I mean, I've been waiting for this my whole life. You're not into it. I'm not into it. I don't know why. It sounds really

nice. Imagine it'll be a win-win for you and me both. Oh my God. It's not a win-win-win. What if I was into your smelly, stinky farts? Would you be okay with that? I've never fart in front of you. I've never fart in front of you. I'm never going to break that barrier. You're such a liar. No. Every day of my life, I woke up yesterday to the sound of you irrigating your asshole with a toto because you ran it on multiple yeah that's not farting though that's cleaning myself

yeah I know but then the farts that came after I hear it all the time if you get up to Pish in the middle of the night and then Pish and then back

no no fart cum machine that's all you were fart come used to be food but now it's just farts and come

okay and sweat and you're like I'm working out I'm working out and take a little bit job It takes you a gym.

Kettlebells. Kettlebells. I got to do my cold punch. Have you cold plunge? Not today. Did you even plunge, bro? No, I didn't. Fucking loser.

Fucking dumb bitch that I am. Yeah. What about sauna? Did you fucking... I haven't done it today. You call yourself a fitness guy? No, I don't. You're not even fit.

I'm just trying to be less fat. Did you hyperbarics? No. No, did you? Not today. Oh. Good. Yeah, but I'm just trying not to be disgusting.

I'm trying to be disgusting. Same. That's the... That is the goal. I'm not trying to be fit. I'm trying to be not gross. No, you're into like fit CEO mode where you want to look like. Fit CEO mode? That's the new thing. It used to be fat CEOs and now everybody's a fit CEO. You're a fit CEO guy now. That is a thing. Yeah. They used to be just, the thing is the boss would just be like, oh, I'm a pig. Yeah. You earn a privilege. Yeah. All the CEOs of the 80s and 90s and even early 2000s, you're like, oh, that pig, that's the CEO. You know, they got, I got $90 million in stock options. Yeah. Yeah. And now there's just like.

Everybody's jacked. I mean, the Bezos one is the best transformation ever. Because it really is if you were like, what happens if you give a fucking dork a hundred billion dollars or whatever? And then you're like, oh, you can see that now. Like he was thinning hair, just kind of like. Can I see him before? Because I don't think I know what he looks like. It's amazing.

It's amazing. There is. Oh, I like him better. as a dork. That's him. I like him much better as a dork. I don't like fit CEO. Oh, I like him better as a nerd. Style. He's got muscles. He's got the veneers. Oh yeah. Look at that. Bezos before the billions reading his book with his fucking brown weave belt. Yeah, love it. Now he's on a yacht. Babe, you need to get veneers next. Hell no. Those guys like the craziest. Well, that's what he did. He got veneers. Yeah, he looks insane.

Look, that's, look at that 98 photo. I know, he's a terrible. I know, he's just a sweet guy. He's like, hey. Hi, everybody. Do you like books? You want to have one shipped to your house? I'm Jeff Bezos.

I got a new idea. Oh, he looks so, he does look so sweet. I know, and on the right there, he's like, look at him. Jesus. I know, now he's a tough guy. He's like, we can kill people. That's fine. I know.

Jeff, like, I like, I like 1998, Jeff. Sweetheart. Because he come up to you and he'd be like, hey, Christina. Oh, that's. Like, you try to talk to you, and you'd be like, I notice you wore your shirt with hearts on it today. I know. I'd be like, thanks, Jeff.

Fucking Jeff's trying to talk to me. Yeah. Fucking dork. Now he's fucking plowing puss and just buying yachts. Well, he's only plowing one puss, so you got married, which is, I think, a big stupid move when you're this wealthy and, like, he's been married his whole life, and then he just got remarried again. He likes her.

You got to go plowing hoax. Right, babe? I mean, you would think so. But anyway, my stepdad, you know, my Indian stepdad, his whole thing was like, yeah, I got rich in America and now I can get fat. That's what, that's the whole point of being rich is being fat and shitty. Yeah. And enjoying food.

But now it's the opposite. Zuckerberg, another one. Oh, yeah, he's a dork. Big fucking dork. And then now he did it also. Let's see his, I haven't seen him fit. Yeah. He's still pasty.

He does need to get a spray tan if he's going to, oh. Yeah, but look at that The hair, the beard His whole stees He did that He has fake facial hair? It's fake? No

Stop No, that's got to be AI That can't be true That's hilarious What? And his fake facial hair He looks great though It looks so much better

With facial hair He looks so much better now Period Everything Yeah Because he had no eyebrows Before his creepy Haircut, bad haircut

Bad hair cut Bad teeth Why does it say that it's fake facial hair? Does it... I don't know. It's restricted. Okay. All right.

That's really insane. But yeah, he was that guy. See the right? Yeah, that's the photo. Yeah. I like the gray shirt one. That was really him. With his little bitch tits.

For so long. Or him in the suit right there? Yeah, that's fine. That was him. But now he's going. goes surfing, and he does Jiu-Jitsu. I know. And he just leveled up, his glow-up, I guess

you were saying, right? But the thing is, too, if you're a CEO, like, you don't have a lot of time. So these guys have to wake up at like 4 a.m. and do that whole thing. I'm sure he has a pretty crazy schedule. Yeah. From hoodies to high fashion. Yeah, he's, uh... He did it. He did it, man. Yeah. He's, uh,

he's definitely cool now. Look at he's getting leather jackets and shit. Oh, no. He's doing the the cool writing. shirts. Yeah. Cool writing shirts. You know the, what is that called?

Tom Hardy. Is that a gold chain? Yeah, of course. I can't see it. Yeah, right? Like, wasn't Tom Hardy the official douchebag brand? Yeah. Ed Hardy.

Ed Hardy. Tom Hardy's an actor. Oh, is he? What does he do? Yeah. Poor Tom Hardy. Tom Hardy loves Jiu-Jitsu too. He loves Jiu-Sah.

Oh, sorry, Tom Hardy. I meant Ed Hardy. Yeah. That was like. Look at the progression one there. Yeah. Yeah. I liked 08. I like the intensity of the autistic nerd. Oh, and 04. Like, I like when he's kind of a pissy nerd. Pissy nerd is hot. It's when you try to be nice nerd that you suck. Yeah. Like, he was a mean nerd. Like, I liked him in the Facebook movie. Now, do you have an issue with Elon being super, super wealthy and then also out of shape? Because I think it's inexcusable. But it's kind of what we're saying. Like, that's the.

point of being the CEO world's richest guy. Yeah. Right? Because what's he look like right now? It ain't good. No, it looks like a hot shit bag. Yeah. What is it? 10 pounds of shit in a five pound bag. Yeah, he totally does. See, here's, but here's the good thing. And he tries to hide it, you know, with like clothes and the way he sits. But look at that. What the fuck is going on? But here's why this works for him. Yeah. He is so disliked right now. Yeah. That that is going to be in his favor. That makes him likable. He's majorly. like dissociative like he is totally well on the spectrum like he doesn't he's full circle back to our first guy yeah yeah yeah who doesn't like to take care of

the autistics yeah he's not it's crazy though like you shouldn't know he looks like shit hot shit and that's the thing is if you have all those resources like why i agree why you can afford a chef you can afford a trainer you can afford everything in the world you got to do it you got to do it and just have this you can have every meal just kind of go like Here you go, this is what's healthy. There's no excuse. So, wait, is he doing well now? Is this what this is saying?

Because I just saw a clip of him and it didn't look good. Didn't look good. He is so hated. Mr. Rocket Man. Everybody hates him so much. I know. I can't believe that people like him. That sucks.

I find him highly unlikable. You know? I find him to be one of the least likable human beings on the planet. I know. And I don't admire him. And I feel like they'd give him. Look at this. It sucks so bad.

Here's a problem, though. Could you imagine being on vacation and then having paparazzi snap those ghost? No, it's horrible. I know. That sucks. Like, he didn't want that. Yeah. Ugh, it sucks.

Okay, wait, but I do want, I want fit Elon and I want tatted Elon. Like, I want him getting sleeves. That's the next step. You know who I respect their look-wise? I've always liked Larry Ellison's look. Because he looks like, hey, fuck you. that's what his look is at all times it's he has contempt yeah i love it yeah you know smug smug rich guy yeah and it's fantastic yeah this is what like mr burns was in the simpsons

like if you're going to be a rich be a rich the problem is you're trying to be a likable rich person nobody likes you no nobody fucking likes you because you're too rich now Larry loves Elon and he's he's been super rich for so long but he always has that look of like hmm attempt for the port it's so funny yeah so good you know what who I always liked and who was severely out of shape and ironically Bill Gates Tommy Los Sorda oh yeah I loved the Dodgers yeah slim past yeah he did Slim Pass commercials Tommy Los Sorda yeah he's well Was he the coach for the doyers? The manager, yeah.

Their manager. Yeah, look at him. Look at his who she right there. Such a piece of shit. Yeah. I just love. Yeah. He died at 93.

Yeah. Italian. He loved to eat. Yeah. He loved Tommy lasagna. That's what they used to call him. I might have something amazing. Of, uh.

But he's one of those guys that was like, look, fuck it. I made it. I'm going to eat. I'm not going to try to be fit. I'm a baseball guy. Who cares? Let me see if I can find this because I think you're going to get a real kick out of this. He was known for being fat in the 80s and the 90s.

Like Tommy would do the Slim Fast ads because people knew how fat he was. And he couldn't control his weight because he would yo-yo. And then they're like, why don't you just do Slim Fast commercials? He was up and down. He would do that. He would lose. That's what he was known for. He was going down before.

He'd lose weight. Then he'd open a bakery. You got to do the volume. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a shit, Dougie. I don't give a shit, Dougie. Well, I may be wrong, but that's my goddamn job. I'll make the fucking decisions here.

I'll make the fucking decisions here, okay? Love these guys. I miss this. It just kills me that we don't get to hear this on the broadcast. Godcats. I know. And see. I don't give a fuck. God, damn it.

I'll make the fucking decisions. Give you a fucking mouth shot. I told you. I loved him. So great. I love it. You talk about it in my fucking office. Okay.

We're good. You can take it down. I love this kind of stuff. It's so great. I know. But see, this is it. If you're going to be that guy, just be an unlikable piece of shit. Shit. When you try to be likable, this is...

Well, the funny thing about him is he was beloved. Belved. And in public, he was like, hello. Do you know that Tommy Lassorda? I've told you this before. When you're, you know, Jewish people have a Bar Mitzvah, Bat Mitzvah. When you're Catholic, you have... Kingsenia.

No, what's it called? Confirmation. Confirmation. Thank you. When I had my confirmation, there was 15 of us. We were in a small town in Florida. and the person that gave our, like, confirmation speech was Tommy LaSorda. That's right.

Because the Dodgers used to do spring training in Viro Beach. So lucky. They're like, all, you all are Catholic adults now. And to, you know, welcome you into adulthood. Here's Tommy LaSorda. Fuck yeah. Tommy LaSorda. God, you're so lucky you got him.

Yeah, it was great. Damn, dude. It's pretty cool. And then you could tell that, like, eight of them were like, who? They just sat there like, who's this guy? I grew up in L.A. I never got Tommy Lassorda. I'm fucking wild.

So unfair. It's pretty crazy. The guy's a legend. He's a pretty cool dude. I miss him. You miss him? I just miss guys like that that are like, I'm a piece of shit. Like everybody's fit.

Everybody's perfect. Everybody's striving for excellence. There's no sense of like, yeah, you can be excellent, but maybe you fucking hate yourself too. Maybe you're a fat piece of shit. And that's okay because you're not there yet. Like not in this life, dude. You're just going to be fat and shitty in this life.

That's okay. Speaking of people who can't read social cues well. Me? No. We were just talking about that. Sorry, was I talking too much? No, no. I mean, you're a little touched.

Oh, a dashed downs, yeah. Yeah, but this guy. That's very sickly. I just had a business discussion with the people that need to hear it. So, whatever y'all want to say, please proceed. Yeah, I'm dressed up. Dressed up. Yeah, yeah, I know.

Yeah, I got tattoos. Yeah. please keep on going that's it that's the whole video I don't know so he's practicing for a business call no he did one he did his business call and he's telling you that

like I just had a business discussion and you know just keep talking yeah I'm dressed up this is funny that he's like this is dressed up I know he's got two crosses on he's doubly Catholic

yeah that's a weird double i've never seen the double cross i got to keep talking what's going on he's like a teenager he's trying to show you how cool he is can i tell you something yeah i'll talk yeah ugh if there was tick to fuck if there was like this stuff i hated that so much it's not fucking doing that it was awful hated Can't talk to you for a second? Stop making so much noise. If social medias existed when I was a teenager,

do you understand how embarrassing my shit would have been? All of us. All goth, all day, I would be like, welcome. I would just have done the most, the gayest goth stuff. Yeah, you're gay. But he's too old to be doing this. Is he wearing a bald cap or he's really bald? He's really bald.

Yeah, of course. Yeah, he's touched He's too He's tough You think he's TikTok? Yeah But he doesn't look touched in the face You can tell by the way

He communicates that something's not happening Not every You know Should I pay for him? I want to pay for him His parents should pay for him He's autistic Oh that's right

Yeah Fucking guy Fuck you and fuck your kid Yeah it's pretty cool That was loud in my ear I didn't like that Good you deserve it For everything I've been doing

Ugh Take the doors off Oh shit Oh, fuck, dude. I liked that very much. Take doors off. Oh, my God. I like that.

A bat bounced from the windshield right into his face. Yep. Yeah, he's fucked up over that. Yeah, that is fucked up. Oh. Oh. Oh, fuck. Oh, Jesus Christ.

So there's a guy that. is scaling a wall that he shouldn't be and there's not a lot of ledge there and then he falls I don't want it I don't like it look at it's just right there nope it's right there it's frozen it's frozen just look I don't give a fuck mate mate look I don't want to fucking see it it got me look look at it no I don't want to fucking look I'm gonna puke I'm gonna puke why do you have to do this why do you torture me because I want you to feel stuff

I don't love you okay check out this next one no next one no put your fucking phone down no I want to plug something for my friend just let me find it okay speaking of Mites Connor Swindles

friend of the show British actor has a movie on Netflix I believe that's dropping today actually on November 19 called Jingle Bell Heist Check it out. He's a mommy. Okay.

He's really sweet. He is very sweet. He's a talented actor. He's done a bunch of shit. He's a Barbie movie. He's done an odd choice and placement of the ad, but yeah, he's a great. Because we were doing English accents. I know, I put it together.

I put it together. I fucking hate you so much. You know what, Jeff Bezos? Shut up. Shut up. Just as bad as him with your fit comedian. Oh. Oh, fuck.

Holy shit. he might not be able to talk anymore holy fuck oh shit he had a helmet on yeah that's not gonna help your neck he hit that so fucking hard i hate the segment like it's the best it's the absolute best this is why they watch jean this is what this is not why they they watch for my tic talks everybody knows I've been waiting for this clip my whole life I like what someone's just like that guy's like Come on man

That's India So they're all like Okay big deal Move along Zoom Zoom Look No motherfuckers stop for you

When you die in India Look He's not dead He's okay He's okay We check And he said he's okay It's full bounced

Off the dirt road Whatever fuck he is In Calcutta He's dead I don't think he's dead I think he's okay I love how no one gives a shit. Look, that guy's not even looking his way

next to him on the motorcycle. That's how little life matters. It's a lot of people, man. It's a lot of peeps. Yeah. You gotta care less. You have to. No, yeah. And even if you do go to the hospital, good luck with that. You think so? That's not going to be good. Well, fuck no.

No way, dude. I want to go to the hospital in like second world shit. Like in Budapest, Hungary, in the 90s, you didn't want to go to the hospital? Yeah. And that's no. There's no way that's a good sitch. I mean, they have to have good hospitals. They have to. There's not, there's too many people. There's no way. There's no good hospitals. In India? Yeah, of course. In India. Maybe the British.

I'm not saying every town, but like you don't think Mumbai has a decent hospital. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Yes, maybe no Mumbai. Yeah. Maybe Bobbi next to the four seasons. I mean that they have one. They do have four seasons, I've heard. First of all, who are the best doctors here? But they come here, brew. Yeah, but some don't. They get their degrees here. And then? Not abroad. I don't think so. Yes, they do.

You cannot practice medicine. What are you talking about? In America, unless you pass the American things. I know, but I'm saying that there's still got to be excellent medical care there. Sure, sure. Of course. I don't know. I'm so racist.

I know. Just don't trust it. I don't trust. It's because my stepdad. My stepfather told me so many awful stories about this country. I have so much sadness for them. It's that terrible time. Yeah, I don't, I don't think it's as bad as you're saying.

I think it's actually... Would you Google go, let's like that, blah, blah, blah, Zha, Bombay hospital. I mean, just, okay. Are there good hospitals in India? There's 12 kids in one bed. Okay. Yeah, there they are. Crammed in everybody's...

This is a COVID image. You don't think, come on. Just actually right, how good are the hospitals in India? Bing, bing, bing, bing. Nope. That's not going to be good. It's not going to be good. I think it's actually, there has to be good ones.

I don't know, dude. They have open defecation. It's so many people, though. They can't just have poor medical care in a nation of a billion people. I don't believe that that's... I just think you're too American. See, it varies significantly between the private and public sectors.

Top-tier private hospitals offering world-class care amenities. Okay, so go to India for your fucking appendicitis. I mean, you don't have to be so goddamn crass, Christine. Okay? There's people there that they need help and they're getting it. I hope so. Okay. Look, I love the Indians.

You know what you need to do? You need to get on a fucking dating app. You need to meet somebody. Do you want me to tell you how to do it? I'll tell you how to do it. What's up, niggas? I have a way to fix dating apps. Number one, ban Indian men.

number two ban fat women number three ban single mothers and their baby daddies there you go wow this chick's got it figured out yeah I don't seem so bad now compared to her well that's why I played it to help you um yeah she's uh and also the confidence yeah she said it dead and just ready to go and she's just like secondly that's how we fix things I'm sweating does she post stuff like this a lot Do we know this broad? I don't know. Her name is Brittany Venti.

I don't know her, dude. It says that she's a biological black woman. Okay. Is this true? I don't know. Shit. Is that her? There she is.

I am a biologically black woman, but the black community revoked my card. That's a strange angle. Well, she doesn't fit into the black community, maybe. I thought that was Niana's profile. who is this person she's pretty though yeah is that you a lot of pictures alone no not black oh my pictures alone do we have tic talks do we have time for them we can do a couple let's do it ready yeah here we go okay oh my god oh i just don't don't do the move if you can't do the move yeah don't

that's exactly right just don't do the move because there's an age where you go i can't do the move anymore that's okay and he just was like Oh, it's so slow and embarrassing. And you have to be like, yeah. I know. That's how I feel watching Madonna dance now. It's all bad. Just don't try to do the same exact.

Yeah. Do something different that you can do. Do what you can do. Oh, my God. Yeah, you can't do the same exact thing you did when you were young. Oh, is there another mic trick here? Let's see. That one was okay.

All right. He spun it. Yeah. It's a cordless, Mike. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. He's like... Uh-huh.

Oh. I can't tell if that was intentional. Yeah, that felt like I'm going to fall and then act like I was trying to fall. You know? That's what I would have done. Yeah. That's what I would have done, too. I'm like, ha.

Uh-huh. Down here now. Somebody rushed up. Like, you okay? No, there's no. No way he meant to fall down. Who did he throw that to? Side with some stage hands.

Jesus. God, Jesus. He's throwing the mics. Throwing the mic stand again. You break that. I have to fucking fix that again. It's a wireless. It's going to be a problem.

And then people are like, replacing that shit. Yeah, it's good. As you go off, you see this blur of green and blue in the background because you're going really quickly. And that's when I came to a sudden stop in the air. That was my safety heart, which actually snapped. I opened my eyes underwater, seeing all this murky, brown, bubbly stuff, so you can't really see anything. It's like being in a washing machine.

You don't know which way's up, which way's down. Originally, I was looking at going to Europe, and then I remember that it's actually cold over there, so I decided I'd head somewhere a bit warmer. I started off in Egypt, so I spent two weeks traveling around Egypt and then headed down to Zambia from Malawi, where I was starting. This is long as far as this person's life story. I didn't need for it to be that one. I just meant for that bit, where she gets snapped. It was horrible. And then she was like,

It's my safety harness, and then that snapped. Yo, she's like, then he's in the water and he's washed around like he's in a washing machine. Like, really, yeah. Don't know what's up or down? That's cool. I would be, I mean, I never bungee jumped. Did you ever do this? Never.

I've never bungee jumped now. I never trusted the equipment on that one. It was never of interest to me, really. No, me neither. tried to get me interested. People were trying. I'm like, I don't try. I don't think so.

I don't think so. Nah, dude. Fuck here. Believe in yourself. You're a shining star. Let the way you go. You'll never be hard. Every step you take,

you're riding your soul. So believe in yourself and you will be strong. I love this song. Do you? Yeah. It's a nice studio, too. Yeah, of course.

She's been... Claire Alexander's been blowing up by him. By Claire Alexander. Yeah. Congratulations to Claire on your new hit. Yep. She's great. Yeah.

She's been plugging it and really working it. That was your best line I've ever seen. Just, she's great. Well, she's been selling CDs. Good. CDs are popular these days. And, you know. I'm sensing a theme to this batch.

Can you guess what it is? It's awesome, talent? Yeah, talent. That's what I was going to say. What do you think her dance moves? It reminds me of older Chinese people in the park. Oh, yeah. I know you're talking about it.

They do their Taiji. Okay. All right, buddy. Let's see if you can fly today. Holy. There he comes. It's actually working. Look at him.

He's cruising. The weirdest thing I've ever seen. All right. That's pretty rad. That's pretty fun. Cat flying with drones. It's AI, right? I'm sure.

Yeah. It's pretty cute, though. It's fun. That's why you should use AI. Make fun videos. that and uh yeah highly inappropriate ones that i'm really liking yeah yeah there's some fun nazi ones out there let's see what else we got here so they're saying i guess in china it's like old people are just allowed to just fart blast yeah he that was wet and it had different stages

of it pretty crazy all right i got a run i love you i love you too thank you for watching thank you for listening please check out chichobomba here in austin texas currently the pop-up is at the fairgrounds in downtown austin and we will see you guys very soon bye bye dude dude dude that was horrible you have no idea what you just did to people that was horrible completely it out. Why would you do that into the mic? Horrible. Horrible. Why would you... Why would you... Do that in.

Why would you... Completely blew it out. I just wanted to see what that felt like. Why would you do that in? Why would you do that? Why won't you... Do that in? Why would you...

Horrible? Horrible. Horrible Horrible