Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Coming Out As A Husband w/ Sal Vulcano | Your Mom's House Ep. 767

Episode Date: July 10, 2024

SPONSORS: - Visit https://coorslight.com/summermusic to see how Coors Light can amplify your summer. And be sure to keep an eye out on Coors Light’s social handles and https://coorslightbackstagesixpack.com all summer long for the drops. - Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://Shopify.com/momshouse Check out Sal Vulcano's new special "Terrified" here on YouTube! https://youtu.be/6X49375Hah8?si=t_TpTJJlCRbB2rw7 Pull your jeans all the way up over your head because Tom Segura and Christina P are back for another week of Your Mom's House Podcast! Christina P is suspiciously quiet this week, so comedian/Impractical Joker Sal Vulcano joins Tom a little earlier than usual. Sal just released a new special "Terrified" and he opens up about his recent public announcements concerning his personal life and can't imagine why his privacy is such a talked about thing. He's a husband and a father now, so he shares some updates about that, plus Tom probes him about his fear of flying and his aversion to touching things. The two also get into self-pleasuring devices, excessive reactions at Chipotle, acting on TV, the art of barbecue, and Chris Distefano's sexuality. Tom also treats Sal to some Horrible or Hilarious clips, introduces him to Manny the tool guy, and they swap some stories about some knucklehead drivers. https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Your Mom’s House Ep. 767 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up guys? The store is full of some hot new fresh products. Go to store.ymhstudios.com to see what we've got. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. I love a great deal as much as the next guy, but I'm not going to crawl through a bed of hot coals just to save a few bucks. It has to be easy. No hoops, no BS. I'll have a great deal as much as the next guy, but I'm not going to crawl through a bed of hot coals just to save a few bucks. It has to be easy. No hoops, no BS.

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welcome our guest today. He has a new special out. It's called Terrified. You can see it on YouTube and of course the brand new tour the everything's fine tour is on sale now you can get tickets at sal volcano comedy comm it's sal volcano everybody everybody yeah hi Christina good to see you we're getting the cold shoulders today yeah but you know what did you do what did you do she's um you know she's sassy yeah you know I mean we've ever sent it What was the last time you you had an argument that so bad that you didn't sleep with the same bed? Is that something that ever happens Friday?

Yeah, I mean come on now. No seriously Friday. Are you serious? You left on your own accord or were you were you told to leave no this happened this arm movement No, she just walked out. Oh you were left. I was left. Yeah, yeah, and then what happens You just go to another wing of the home Well, did she go she goes to one of the guest homes she went to the guest house yeah, that's seriously No, really? No. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What could have happened so bad

that it would have actually caused that kind of a rift? Fucking broads, you know what I mean? Yeah, broads, yeah. Yeah, you know how it is. Yeah. Fucking, yeah, it's fine now. Yeah, it's fine. Okay, so how did you mend?

How many nights were you sleepless in Seattle? One. It was one night? One night, yeah. And who initiated, listen thanks for joining me today. Yeah. Who Who initiated the mend? I don't know. I was like you're a fucking asshole the next day And then she was like I just need you to hear me when I say this and I go yeah I fucking hear you to hear me when I say this. And I go, yeah, I fucking hear you.

And then it just kind of was like, OK. How long have you guys been together? 37. 37. Isn't it wild that you still have the exact same, I just need you to listen to me? Yeah, yeah, it's true. 37 years.

Because haven't you been with your lady a long time? Yeah, I've been with her, geez, I don't even know what. On and off in the beginning, but a good 12, 13 years. On and off. That's what even know what like oh on and off in the beginning But like a good deck 12 13 on and off Yeah, you know on and off to a couple weeks ago. You know saying yeah, what was the last time you had a Like get out like I go sleep in there. Oh, yeah, you mean just go sleep right outside Just don't stop my bedroom in this small. I'm not happy with you sleep over there. Yes I Feel like I don't know if I like I I'll just like end up falling asleep on the couch

You know, yeah, it's an accident. Yeah. Yeah No, I don't know. I don't really know. I mean we we've had some heaters some heaters. Yeah I've been like really we've been really work at that stuff. So like like I'll I won't let it get that far Yeah, I didn't I didn't know it was that far Well, that's cuz you're not listening yeah, that was what it is, but it's good now it's yeah, everything's fine. No Exactly. That's how I feel about yeah. No, I actually just recently announced that I'm married to her which I never did before How come? Uh, privacy, privacy. Just don't want other people to know that. Yeah, like, I don't know.

I don't know. I've been in the public for so long. I play myself. This is like, it's good and bad. You know what I mean? What was the reaction to you announcing it? Uh, picked up by news outlets across the country, which I thought is not news, but like, yeah, it is news, I guess yeah, it is news. I guess I guess it is I mean, I I kept keep everything really close to the vest, you know, both my you know pencils and my secrets Yeah, no, I just I just announced like I was like, you know, I because I'm how did you announce it? On a podcast believe it or not. I came out. How long have you been married?

We've been married about five years and you just announced that you've been married for five years Yeah, that's you don't think that's kind of strange not to me. I think because of your privacy. Yes, but wait a minute what? What what is the thing about like people knowing that you're married that is like a violation? Well, first of all before I was ever even in the public. I was a very private person three things I cannot stand flying touching people and and and be not being prying. Yeah touching people we hug taking photos I'm not you okay, but just strangers. Yeah, like the general thing that happens. You know is I have to fly Touch you hate flying hate it really yeah, you have a fear of flying or just just like I mean a fear I don't like flying in the I'm afraid I like I just have like terrible like I I

Just don't even want to say out loud. You know my worst fears or anything really yeah, cuz I fly with somebody every week Sean who's a photographer trainer and Every week we get on a plane He sits next to me And he pulls out a Nintendo switch and puts on headphones and does this from like take off basically to touchdown. Really? And I'm like, what's going, like what are you doing?

He's like, this way I'm not focusing on the fact that we're flying. Yeah. That's how much, and then Bert pretty, has been pretty vocal about the fact that he has a fear of flying. Yeah. Some people just go, I'm not, I don't know.

Maybe it all falls under fear, but is is is it fear based like oh my god? I'm in I never flew a lot as a person as human being a fool as it hurt But what as an animal as an animal I've flown more than your net average, okay? But no I I didn't take my first flight till I was 18. I didn't take flight to hate really yes 18 18, but uh no I just I just that's I just touching people pictures and flying That's the three things we have to do most now But anyway, yes, no, I mean once I give my privacy away. I can't get it back right so does it I've had some weird weird experiences

I'm sure I'm sure you have like and I have some serious ones too like like getting like authorities involved type. Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, like hiring people to Yeah, weird shit like no. I've had it too. Yeah, I've had it. Yeah, I've had I've had security breaches Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've had some breaches you've had breaches at the Home well no one will know what that means right? That's why I've had it in multiple places I've heard about you listeners, so I'm just trying to keep it between us On the wall yeah fucking people love you Was like why is Sal on the wall, man, he's awesome

but no, so I just you know, how did it feel cuz was it like a When you actually said I'm the one who didn't want she didn't care at all And I also revealed that I have a daughter This is on the same podcast. She's 18. So that's great. No, how's your daughter? She's just under two. Okay. Okay Yeah, and it was a big deal for me, you know, yes, I'm saying it's like I don't want people are very nice But I don't want people to approach me all the time be like, how's your wife? How's your daughter? I just don't want to you know, I want to separate what I do in my life. That's all that's all that's fair Yeah, but I mean like now that my new specials out and I'm working on the second hour

I kind of want to like talk about them on stage and so if I'm gonna start doing it in clubs every night It trickles out like let me be in control of the narrative like of what I want to say Right and so I just kind of bit the bullet and did it and people have been very nice about it But I didn't realize that it would be like a news thing.'s like silly to me. Yeah. Well, you're famous I Suppose yeah, no you are. I mean you guys are huge man. You're gonna go into season 45 of Season 45. Yeah, it's pretty crazy and us and SNL What TV show I mean what Simpsons? I mean you guys can see like you could just keep running that show forever

Yeah, yeah, it's you I mean it was still having a good time doing it Yeah, we just signed for 11 and 12 it didn't get announced yet, but season 11 starts July 11th. I'm shooting it now Yeah, and yeah rats. Thanks so much. Thank you. Now is it it's three of you now, right? It's three of us Yeah, what is that? Is it Joe? That's not what does he do? He actually just wrote a children's book and is touring himself. Oh, he is touring. Yeah, he stopped down initially to make,

like to just spend time with his family and to kind of like repair his relationship with his wife, which he is doing great, and they're all, they're the best they've ever been. Great. Took his time down and then kind of started up on something else and you know And now he's just like happy and doing his thing. So well, that's great. God bless him. That's good. That's good

Let's talk about your other fears though. Yeah, so please the privacy thing I get I understand. Yeah How do you deal with do you do anything during flights to deal with flying like like I mentioned, you know Sean plays games Burt drinks till he blacks out like what do you do to uh I just clench my ass and I really just try not to cry do you have a preference in aircraft because I know you charter because you're rich so like yeah do you prefer the bigger one no I no joke when I had that whole max seven whatever Boeing max thing happened I looked up every single flight I had booked for like a year and cancelled all the ones that were on the max really yeah

I'm not kidding around not playing with game. I'm playing with fire No, they're telling me that these people are just forgetting I'll tie like the bolt screws. Yeah. Yeah What do you what what do you want me to do as a consumer? And then you listen to like the internal memos that they're like You know the engineers are like we think this needs more time and the executives were like just fucking put it out Everything's always waved off show me that show me the news example with like you know what we checked it and things were out tight It's always just like well. They overlook everybody's over looking one of the things about that was that The engineers said well in order for the pilots to really

Grasp these upgrades. They're gonna have to go get kind of like recertified sure they are and and then the execs were like They're fine, right like so they're like no no they need they need more time in like the simulator and classroom And they were like no no no So it's clear-cut like yeah These are one of them s-doss and then the pilots just didn't get that memo and yeah the pilots are like a touchscreen Yeah, you know You got it you got guys flying that still like tip their cap and sure you can't they got like unfiltered Paul moles in there

I know you gotta you gotta let them know what like Windows 98 is you got a lot of no I wish we could go back to that fucking days yeah when the pilots were like that and the flight attendants were hot pilots ruled yeah that was great now you got these fucking people are carrying the luggage like in there are in their hands under thighs Sally walking down the aisle yeah at about her day what happened to the to the the the integrity and the and the the the the Used to be proud. I feel like when they would wait attendants when they would weigh them That's when they were proud when they were like get on the scale when they were with a luggage

No, they'd weigh the flight attendants. Yeah, they're like, what are you 125? Jesus Christ skip a meal Get to the back of the gold is Fucking good. I feel like they get like TSA attitude is creeping into flight attendants now. I think it's like, I don't know, maybe it's contagious, but like... The perfect summer playlist may be elusive, but one thing is for sure. It gets better when it's enjoyed with a cold Coors Light, because music plus Coors Lite equals chill amplified. I love putting together a summer playlist and my thought is always to go old school

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Like if I need to, I get in my seat and I try not to do anything and say anything and bother anybody. I'll hold in my piss until it's really an issue Yeah, never took an issue on a plane never will you've never taken a have never will say to make me do it There's there's a fucking I remember the first time the first time I did it was obviously an emergency I was like, there's just nothing I can do Yeah, like you remember when JFK was shot. Yeah, it was like losing my virginity

Yeah, and then that day you're like, this is the worst and then something happens You're like, oh, yeah, like this is kind of an option. Like I've already broken the right you freed yourself Yeah, and then now I'm like, oh I got a shit and I go up there and do here's what even you now Oh, yeah, you as you yeah And my favorite thing is that I I learned obviously that you wipe with wet paper towels That's the move because the toilet paper is shitty and it falls apart. It's one point you get thicker You know paper towels and you soak them in hot water and you know, yeah beautiful You're opening up a line of questioning for me now. Okay. Okay, you're not supposed to flush anything

On the plane. Yeah, why you don't know You're not supposed to flush anything. On the plane? Yeah. Why? You don't know this? You're not supposed to flush on the plane? No. What do you mean? Oh, you're not supposed to flush. You're not supposed to put any paper products in there at all. What are you talking about? There's a sign right in there. It says it. Don't put paper products in the toilet? Yeah. Where are you supposed to put your toilet paper? This is what I'm saying. This is not, no, this is incorrect. I don't believe it is. Whatever you're thinking is wrong. I'm pretty sure that you're not supposed to wipe your ass After you shit and stuff it into the the like you're in fucking Mexico. What are you talking about?

It's like a tour bus. I think they did that. I think Delta believes you're not gonna shit I am crazy like isn't there a sign that says do not flush maybe it says don't flush paper towels then No, I think it says like don't flush any foreign objects, but not toilet paper. Yeah, toilet paper's allowed. Paper towels are usually a no-go. It's because anything, you can actually put anything into an airplane toilet and it will go down.

It'll suck your sack down. It'll suck anything down. So they're telling you, because you could put a hairdryer in there and it would fucking go down, they don't want you to disrupt the you know the plumbing that's in that's right And I think the paper towels do that now you're good I think that you and I don't know it I don't know how it manifests itself once you've got enough in there

Yeah, but I think maybe that you're not supposed to do that And so I thought you were then right be your ass and putting it in that little garbage. Oh my god Which by the way that garbage the springs on that thing are very taught There they are and every time you want to throw something out Yeah, you can't just you you have to essentially put your whole fist in there to get it in Otherwise, it's gonna slam back on you and that's not gonna be hanging halfway out. That's very true Let's do this real quick opening clip and then we get back to touching people. Please here we go. Oh I'm getting my job back at 7-eleven. Uh oh,

I'm getting the girlfriend back. Uh oh, I'm doing it safely. Uh oh, it's all coming together. Uh oh, I'm pretending I'm Chever. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone else into this. Don't bring anyone else into this! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm sorry. Yeah. How many times before you were like, that's it? What's that? Did you create the open? Like someone came to you with the opening and you were like, pass, pass, pass. Yeah. That's it.

More this, more that. So wait, the song or the clip right here I mean this clip right here. Yeah, so this is a I just chose this to be the opening clip I have a bank of clips that I can play okay, and it's you know you try to find something short not too long You know has a little spice to it something unique This guy's got a lot going on so he seems like a really laid-back fellow You know the thing is he feels like his whole he's like uh-oh everything's happening as he's shaving his head I thought it was pretty cool. He really owns the Hawks. Yeah, Jesse Isler right doesn't he own part of the Hawks

Yeah, yeah, he's got I mean his eyes say a lot. Yeah, well. He's a fucking. He's a great businessman. He used to rap And he's a distance ultra distance runner, too Great businessman. He used to rap. And he's a distance ultra distance runner too. Seriously look him up. He used to rap in what context he was a legit rapper for real. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you know when you go to a Knicks game. Yeah, of course, you know that that Nick song that they've been kind of playing for like 25 years that everybody will sing along with that's him. He wrote it. Are you serious? Word of God.

You know, put it up pull it up the Jesse gets their Nick song you remember that actor I think he passed but he was awesome. He was like the one like Meet the parents. It was like well Florence going to get all the play little defense. Yeah, okay Yeah, he was in like he's in like every J. Reeve James reborn. Maybe his name is hmm. He looks a little bit like him really Yeah, right. Yeah, this guy is really fascinating actually he He started marquise jets, and then he he's a great entrepreneur like a brilliant entrepreneur, and I guess he's just giving himself a haircut I mean there's other guys. I could have played you know like this is him

99 out of 100 chicks will tell you I have the largest penis they ever seen. The one who didn't see it, she's blind. You know, cool guys. Yeah. So he should really just say 99 out of the 99. You're right. Why would he mess up his whole statistic?

I don't know. That line's gone now. I know yeah Well, he's not a pro you know 99 out of 100 here's the next song listen You know it. I'm sure So in this, he told a story about this. I think I saw it in like an Instagram clip about Get going to the Knicks executives and they were like the fuck is this and then he somehow convinced

Was he him when he went to them? Yeah, he was a not a known. Oh, he wasn't no no He just was like play this or whatever you know I forget how he got him to do it But the thing is it's been 25 years. Yeah, I mean go New York, go New York, go. Is that so? Wow. Yeah. That's pretty crazy.

It's pretty cool. And that's not even what he's known for. No, he's a brilliant entrepreneur. So let's go to the other thing. So it was flying, which we established. Even when you're on your G g4 you still don't like it The other thing is privacy yeah, and then touching people yeah, is this you mean like hand like hands on you yeah I had shakes handshakes. Are you a fist-bumped guy? Yeah? I remember I remember an executive one time doing that to me

And I was like what was it that and they're like yeah He doesn't like it feels weird because sometimes people get like oddly like taking it back Yeah, and if they know me they know but if they don't they're like and I'm just like, you know What's crazy is I use me was when we're in public or something and like I'm eating something and someone does this and I go Like that and they're like I go I'm eating I'll say it. Yeah eating right now So I don't want to have to whatever do shake your hand. It's a big time. Okay Come on. The only thing is like it's not like I'm like, you know, like put me in a plastic bubble But if I shake every hand that extends all day long, I'm gonna be sick all the time. That's true

I just I have a weak Constitution. I'm up front with this. Yeah, you know, I mean, yeah So and I when I get a common cold, how long is they get rid of a common cold? Weeks. Yeah, right. Yes, it lingers. I don't know what this is cuz like she's unreal she gets sick and Will say like I'm I'm gonna sleep this I'm gonna fight this tonight Can you believe like in her head she goes I'm gonna fight this tonight and I go what and then she has to count The cold go sleep on the couch. She'll fucking power through the night Sweat and then she gets up and she the night, sweat,

and then she gets up and she's like, yeah, I feel better, and I'm like, what? And then I'm sick for like two to three weeks. Two to three weeks, on the minimum. Right? Yeah. I mean, is it something I did? I don't know what it is.

Have you ever had, have you ever actually had sex with an actual doll? No. No. Have you? No. Have you done the fleshlight? No. No. Have you? No. Have you done the flashlight? No. No. And guess what? We just got... Did you get the VR thing? VR headset? Yeah. Yeah, I have a VR headset. But the one that's like made for... Seen porn on it and it's The best The they're sending us a AI

blowjob machine That like it learns your preferences, and it's super fucking It learns your preference. It's this that's what it says. I mean look How does it learn your product? I don't understand. I don't I don't know yet. I haven't received it, but this is coming to us It's a few lessons Yes, I mean look at this But like if you scroll down it's like but at what point it feels a little too sterile for me You know what I mean like it does feel like you just it looks like a recycling bin or something like it

I mean look at we've changed the game This is oh yeah, and it comes with yeah, you can do it with a Porn sink so you can watch it as it blows. That's nice. That's really nice because they're thinking of everything This is millions of dollars tons of people and time and effort It's unreal that this is engineering at its finest it really is this is really not really is So really brilliant minds are doing this yeah, I know yeah, the thing is this is probably gonna be the first one I try I've never tried The other waiting I was looking for it to get higher level. Yeah, what if it's the best

Which but which auto blow is right for you, right? See there's different ones Yeah, it's criminal that they just make they make different levels You know just make one I know and it doesn't whistle and make it at a reasonable price point and let everybody have the same Suck job see it and look at this too. It's like it's telling you this one pleasure is good noise medium look Wi-Fi No, yes Video sync no video sync. Yes, obviously you want to be a sick Is good noise medium that Wi-Fi no yes Video sync no video sync yes obviously you want to be a sick a Print oh that's comparing it to the Auto so you want the the auto blow AI ultra is what it looks like

Yeah, vacuum glide. It doesn't sound appealing to me. It doesn't have the video sink who fucking wants to do without the video what am I saying? He had not pretending that it's real Auto blow AI auto blow AI what's interesting AI. I love that. They do like to compare Like we're comparing cars. Yeah, they're like four-wheel drive. No, yeah, I Love you spend like a thousand bucks on this and then like with technology and like six months later I'm like, you're still rocking the old the auto blow ultra And then like with technology and like six months later, I'm like, you're still rocking the Oro-Blo Ultra? I know. OK, grammar school.

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100%. We should do one right now. I know. We should do, I mean, they have to field them. What does it say? Support? Is there a support number? I mean, if they don't have a support number, I'd be surprised.

You have to have support. Right here, still undecided? Have questions? Save your wrist Yeah, like one of those like those commercials like those I see on TV like like like like like rapid jerking Yeah, I've been jerking too fast well, let me ask you this before I Forget the special where did you shoot it?

I shot it at the Vic in Chicago. It's a great place. Yes, I loved it. We shot it back in December. It's tough choosing where you're gonna shoot a special. It is, what made you choose it? I wanted a theater that would play like a club. One of them would feel right on top of you.

I wanted that energy, you know what I mean? I wanted it to feel like packed up tight. Didn't wanna go too big with it, but I wanted it to feel like packed up tight. Didn't want to go too, too big with it, but I wanted it to feel like a theater. So it was a few. I looked at the Wilbur, I looked at the Vic and a couple other ones. And I was just like, you know what, Chicago.

Great crowds. Great crowds. And they did. That was the one thing I was worried about. It's like, I hope that the tapings will be, like the crowds will be indicative of the best crowds that I've gotten on the road and everything. Cause you never know.

You never know. And it's the biggest fear you feel is you're like I'm gonna pick this city and then you you know, you've been playing great great venues and great crowds And then you you don't know if it's gonna be like that. Yeah, yeah, you get there You're like guys get on board here, but no they were like for they were like the best crowds. I've had they were really That's awesome. Yeah, that's awesome. So felt good Yeah, it's called terrified. It's on YouTube on 800 pound gorilla. Yeah, and yeah, it came out a few days ago and doing well So congrats, man. Thank you, brother. That's awesome. I don't know if I if you noticed or I

Haven't mentioned yet, but you know, I've been growing isn't that crazy you've been growing. Yeah in height Have you really? Yeah, is that weird? How's that possible? I don't know. In the last year I grew like an inch and I think I might get like, I don't know, maybe I'll grow another inch or two. I don't know. It's like supplements. I mean, I'm, I'm taking supplements. I'm taking peptides and stuff, but yeah, I love peptides. I take them all the time. Yeah. Do you stretch? Yeah. Sometimes you go on a thing where you turn yourself. No, I don't even do that. Yeah. Well,

I mean, are we being serious? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've grown like a little over inch in the last year. Isn't that nuts? Have you talked to a doctor about this? No, I haven't brought it up because I like it I don't want to tell me to do something that stops it. You know, this is this is unorthodox. You know that yes It's very strange. Okay. Yeah. Yeah And you measure yourself Yeah, no, we the same place on the wall and it's just, you can tell.

Do you feel it? I mean, I feel it when I'm, sometimes I'm standing next to people and I'm like, oh, this guy used to be, you know, like a little bit taller and then I'm like, oh, I'm taller, you know, that kind of thing. Yeah, strange. Have you ever heard of that before?

I know that there's people that are breaking their legs and Putting like the extensions in them. That's a real thing. Wow, they do for some guys who are like you did seem a little taller I'm not just saying that but maybe I just didn't register out told you were to begin with Yeah, well how tall are you before you started to grow freakishly like this? I don't know. I guess maybe under just under six feet or so. Yeah. Yeah, and now you broke six. Yeah. Yeah Get the hell out of here really Mm-hmm. Oh, it's really exciting I just wonder if it'll like I don't know if it'll what if it goes and like just doesn't stop, you know That'd be weird. That would be weird like a reverse. Yeah, cuz everything's like two years

I'm yours. Don't stop growing. They do grow mine are definitely growing my she always points it out to me. Yeah She seems a little bit spacey today. She says that my nose looks like John Amos's nose John Amos. Yeah John Amos. Yeah Not John Stamos him. Yeah, I was like Amos and Andy. She says that my nose and his nose are similar Oh Joe fucking McDowell. Yeah sure good times because he has a point like it's kind of it Goes it's kind of pointy. I could see I don't see it Exactly, but I feel like you could arrive that when you do that. I see it. I see it for sure. Yeah, yeah

But anyway, yeah like what if two years from now? I'm six seven anything else growing off the record Off the record yeah, no, it's this okay. Yeah Well, then you don't really want to keep growing. I know you know it'd be fucking strange It's like now it's now it's I don't know now. It's like the lesser like what's better Is it better to be taller is a better to look more in the run proportionate if you hit six nine? It's gonna be are you living the life now or now you like then again if I get to six nine Body fat is also gonna be like probably Non-existent. Yeah, I mean like pretty lean. Yeah, so then your piece looks bigger. Yeah

All right, so old got the baby revealed who's got the biggest dick amongst the the tenderloins Yeah, I you know, I never been asked that but I wish I I never been asked that but I have no clue either You guys haven't looked at each other's dicks. No, you guys my friends since like middle school. Yeah Yeah, just escaped every time we're gonna do it something came up You guys haven't measured each other's dicks. No, no why have you well? I mean, I've had my dick attached to a device with Burt so like our dicks were like You know and they were shocking it. Sure.

We were at a dominatrix. How'd that feel? It was kind of cool. We had like the same dick. It was weird. Really? Yeah. No way, that is weird.

Even she commented, she was like, you guys have like the same dick. That is weird. Did you have to be erect for this? It helped. It helped what? Because you can't be totally flaccid in the device. to be erect for this? It helped. It helped what? Because you can't be totally flaccid in the device.

It helped to do the bit, or it helped to lessen the shock? Yeah, just to fit into the thing. You can't like flaccid put it in. Sure, sure. Wow. I was electrocuted a bunch of times on the show. Penis? No, but everything else.

Everything else? Everything but. Really? Yeah, they attached like these shot collars meant on the show penis no but everything else everything else everything but really yeah they attached like these like shot collars meant for large animals to my whole body yeah and then they I was in a museum they made me a tour guide and I had to take this museum tour guide this tour in a real museum real group and they got to electrocute me throughout it anytime they wanted and the whole time all I had to do was I had to make sure that no one in my tour group Realized anything was just going on suspicious. So you had to like deal with the shock. Yeah. Yeah

Yeah, that's pretty funny as I spoke like through the whole like really like I in this You um, you'd see Chrissy D a lot yeah all the time we do a podcast together What's it like all I send him are gay clips that I find online sure He loves them. Oh, oh, yeah. Do you think he's you know do I think he's gay? Yeah, absolutely yeah, yeah Not to be ashamed of that. I think he thinks he is by Probably full-blown gay. I think yeah. Yeah, by is just maybe like he's just like doing you know Maybe he's just like doing you know Maybe he's just Trying to figure out if he's by I don't know yeah

I mean I sent him a clip where they were somebody was talking about dick and he wrote nothing better than a fat cop Now everyone thinks everyone I'm gay everyone thinks I'm gay really oh god. Yeah, yeah, I didn't know that really well He's so outspoken about I got so so like I mean I go and I'm gay. Really? Oh god. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't know that really well. He's so outspoken about I got so so I mean I when I'm fooling around stuff like what my comedy is up I can definitely like like be a feminine with my comedy so like I think what do you mean a feminine with your comedy? I'll suck a dick during okay, okay No, like I'm just like you know I could just be like the way I like act is definitely more like when I'm playful I'm being like okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right whatever like but um I didn't realize like cuz like I've kept hearing it

I didn't realize like exactly like I was like really like everyone there and then I realized like about 15 years ago Maybe somewhere over 10 years ago I had a sketch comedy show and we did this we did this sketch with Sally Jesse Raphael who we went on her daytime talk show right and I Reveal on the show that I'm gay and then my buddy he reveals He was inspired by me and so he reveals that he's gay and then I say I have to reveal something I'm actually not gay, but I knew that you were gay

And I knew that if I revealed that I was gay that you would reveal that you were gay And and then someone clipped it. Yeah, and it just looks like me on Sally Jesse Rafael telling the world And I didn't and I found it one day and had like millions of views there just being be like Sally I'm gay and they just like Did you see the clip of? Lavelle Crawford on Shannon Sharpe's podcast. No Did you see the clip of LaVell Crawford on Shannon Sharps podcast? No, on Shannon Sharps, no.

He's sitting there, he's talking about the roast and he was like, yeah, you know, this dude, Tony Hinchcliffe, gay dude, funny dude. And he's like, you know, he goes for it, you know, he goes for jokes and people, you know, they make fun of him being gay. He's totally serious. It's amazing, he's totally serious. Oh shit.

It's amazing, dude. He's like, he's giving him props as being like a funny gay dude. The first time I ever met Charles Barkley, he said, I thought you was gay. That's what he said? Yeah, he literally just said, Sal. And I said, what's up, buddy? And he goes, man, he goes, when I first saw you,

I thought you was gay. Yeah, I didn't pick up on that at all. Yeah. Chris, I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chris was very gay. It's us together. It's, yeah, it's a whole thing.

I wanted to get your food take on something. Please. I know you love talking food. Sure. First, do you know about the Chipotle shooting? No, has that happened recently? Yes. Well, yeah, a little while ago.

A couple weeks ago. Yeah, a couple weeks ago. Like a month or so ago.. Like a month or so ago. Where a guy was standing at the register and he asked for extra guacamole on his food that he had just purchased, which is a standard thing to say. I've heard it there.

He became upset because he wasn't given enough guacamole. I've heard that though. He then called the female Chipotle employee a derogatory name. I've heard that though. The B word. Okay. Which upset word. Okay. Which upset her understandably.

Fellow employees took her to the back to try to calm her down, leaving the front counter unattended. And then Mr. Brown, the suspect who had previously paid for his food items, began to proceed to go around the corner, a counter, excuse me, and began to bag his own items. And then he took a cup and filled it with guacamole.

A 21-year-old male employee tried to stop him. A physical fight ensued, and then Brown, a licensed CPL holder with no prior criminal history, allegedly shot that employee in the leg. And the victim is expected to make a full recovery. But this is what can happen when you don't get your guac. You know? Wow.

Yeah, I mean, should that guy have been carrying something to begin with Hmm, it seems to me if you shoot it's a child to leg over guac Yeah, you you probably should have taken a test and failed it to get the gun But he was licensed and good to go It just goes to show you never really know what the breaking point is gonna be what I know and I like Probably if you had laid out scenarios to this guy the previous day Here's what here's what's gonna lead to you shooting someone a someone's trying to steal your car be a

Confrontation at a club or someone touches your lady or see you didn't get the guacamole He'd probably be like yeah a or B a or B and a or B are things that he might have Been maybe you know all this could happen to me one day Maybe this is why I need this but see was born about completely by himself. It was yeah Where are you in life if you can't take about just five seconds to breathe and say let me not shoot this child over the quad I think I think I kind of get it though I do I kind of get it in the sense not that like you should shoot somebody over guac But you see whether the kid deserved is a whole nother story right you I'm saying you see what?

Like sometimes people feel so not heard and not taken seriously That they want to do something that let you know like that. They'll go sleeping the guest house yeah yeah those leave the house yeah yeah this is why now too you can't I mean even just working at your pole imagine the kid coming home but I got shot you know mom you got shot mm-hmm and that's what happened is like there was a guac altercation yeah you know and she's like I told you you shouldn't be like working around guac yeah yeah it could be Would you ever shoot somebody over food? I? Never say never about anything Tom. Yeah, you carry what's that you carry a piece on you know I've been thinking about it I mean your privacy guy. Yeah seems like privacy guy would have I want to get one like I feel like I should have one like

In the home yeah, yeah, of course Yeah And I've got bit of the gun range a couple times. I've thought I fared well. It's fun. Yeah, the range is fun Yeah, the range is fun. Yeah, I never shot like I you know I always feel like I could be a detective or something in the 70s Or something like that. Yeah, yeah, I think you'd be a good detective I always wanted to like get out of the car like one of those like really long like an old don't be able like one Really long door and like screech out of a bench seat like get out of the car and the door those like really long like an old don't be able like one really long door and like Screech out of a bench seat like yeah the car and the door is like open and I stand up and like someone's running our Cars running at you shoot the cars. It's going hmm. You know usually you hit the window from what I saw from a footage

I've seen historically yeah window you shatter a window, but then the car fish shells and gets away Yeah, you really never stand those like oldest older cop shows like they just put a bullet through the guy's head. That's true Yeah, yeah, would you be you could play a good detective? I think I could yeah I'm very inquisitive by nature in general. Why don't you call dick wolf tell him to give you a show? Yeah I've never seen one episode of that none of them not one not one not a single never caught one Flipping through the channels there was one time one time. I call when I don't know which show it was but it was like the channels there was one time one time I call when I don't know which show it was but it was like um parody and parroting but like it was about Michael Jack it was like it was about a pop star yeah like you know what so like I

remember seeing that that's it there I've talked to a few actors that have been on those shows yeah and they all make the point that it is extremely boring after a while boring Boring, yeah. You're basically doing the same show every week. Oh my God. Every week. And if it's a hit, obviously you're grateful and thankful that you're on a hit show

and you're getting paid well and the show's popular. But every week you just come in and you do the same thing. You do like, what's that? Oh, let me call. And then you get in the car and then you go, were you here on Saturday night? Right. You were here. Oh, you mean like one of the stars of the show? Yeah, they're like, it's- Oh, I thought you meant just you get in the car and then you go were you here on Saturday night? And right you were here. Oh, you mean like us one of the stars of the show

Yeah, they're like, oh, I thought you meant just like they're like a back record No, no, like the the regulars are like they there's nothing as an actor Exciting about doing this. You know, like we just thousands of investigations it's the same thing to seem and when they explain like at first when I heard on what but then they explain it to you and They're like and then you do the interrogation scene, and then you do, you know what I mean? Right. And then you tell the victim the fit,

and then it's like cut, print, new episode, same thing. Next day, all right, here's the new story. This person is, you know, getting arrested. Who's supposed to do this, Ice-T? Yeah. You ready? I ran into him. Yeah, I figured as much.

They do the same thing. I get it though. No, I get that I was I guess they're on a few a few I was on Bones. Yeah MacGyver I did like those types of shows 12 Monkeys. Yeah, you're on MacGyver. Yeah. Yeah the new one Oh, I was gonna say fucking 82. I know I wish that was what you do on the new MacGyver. I play the chef Oh, you're total chef guy yeah, I play the chef on the new MacGyver like one played a chef. Oh, you're a total chef guy. Yeah, I played a chef on the new MacGyver, like one of those like, where people come

and like, it's like a 10 course meal. I'm like a chef, famous chef, and I like, you know. I mean, it was quick. Do you like it? Was it fun? It was, I was sitting around all day. Yeah, it's a lot of sitting around. Bones, I played a sanitation worker that found a dead body.

I dismembered dead body. Nothing made me crazier than I did Workaholics, you know a couple other but like I remember specifically that one where they're like call time 7 a.m. The worst and you get there you're like, alright 7 a.m What do I need to do? And they're like, well, just on hang tight and then it's you know, it's 8 a.m You're like do I need to be somewhere and they're like, nope 9 a.m. 10 a.m 11 a.m Let's get you into yeah wardrobe. Oh actually you can change back

I mean we're shooting my thing at like 230 and you're like and then you if you're like, why was I here? Well, you know, we just didn't know when we were gonna shoot this thing I've never had a different experience in any of these. Yeah ever I Did well the only one I was that was pretty damn good was what we did, what we do in the shadows. Yeah. Yeah, I did that one. That was boom.

I went in, they were waiting for me. Really? I was like, they were like, hurry up, hurry up. That's kind of great. Yeah. And then I ran in and we did like a bunch of scenes. I got killed. That's like her favorite show.

Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, no way. Oh, you should have said something. I would have mentioned it. She always watches that show. Yeah, yeah, you should have said something. I would have mentioned it She let she always watches that show yeah, yeah, that was fun And I was got to be in a scene with all of them they snapped my neck It was a real the live skunk in the scene that was the best experience ever But when we shot the impractical Joker's movie

I did I literally have a word with them because they were doing it to us on the movie and it's your movie Yeah, I was getting they were like picking me up at like 5 15 a.m. And I was shooting my first scene at 3 o'clock So what would it what how did that conversation go? I said what the fuck are you doing? Yeah? I'm here nine hours. I like who do you want the best from us or not like figure it out. Yeah, like I mean I could see two hours. Did it change? Yeah a little bit Yeah a little bit but not but I'm like you can't have me here for eight and a half hours sitting in a two by two Box. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, but I mean it sounds like hurry up and wait. Yeah, hurry up and wait. Yeah

Okay, I want to ask you this food question. Yeah We're very well known for barbecue. Yeah, I just had Terry Black's this is great. It's a hold on. Okay The I would say and this would vary by who you ask, but the four notable barbecues in my mind are Texas Barbecue, Kansas City Barbecue, Memphis Barbecue, and Carolina Barbecue. Okay. And somebody might have a different opinion, I don't care.

My question is, do you have a ranking for those four, or do you have your own ranking of whatever three or four that you like the most? For BBQ? Yeah. You're gonna think I'm nuts, but I don't love, I have to be in the mood for barbecue. That's fair.

I have to be in the mood. So I mean, I've had, did you say St. Louis? You said Missouri? I didn't say St. Louis. I said Texas, KC, Memphis, Carolina. I haven't had Carolina. Carolina, in my experience, was always kind of a more vinegar-based barbecue.

KC's the rub, right? Memphis was more, again, I'm going off of what I've had, more dry rub. KC was more barbecue sauce-based based and ribs were really what stood out ribs. And I think Texas is really about Brisket that's really what they man. I had that brisket I had it for the first time the other day cuz someone's like you have to go cuz I've had I guess Franklin Is it yeah. Yeah, so it's like no Terry blacks is the only like the other Alex is the shit, but dude I'm not even kidding the brisket melted

Yeah, they go, but they say that but it I didn't chew it like I put it I just press down hard to put the inside of my there's another one in town that I Don't hear about enough from people that I think is fantastic. It's called law barbecue. Okay, it's really fucking amazing How often are you eating that? Not that often. I had Terry Black's last week and the time before was probably a month or so prior. Maybe once a month. I just don't know how people eat that much barbecue.

Yeah, no, you can, I mean, you can overdo it. When I have it, I have it. And then when I eat it like that, I'm just like... It's so... Well, that's the thing, there's a balance for brisket because you can go higher fat or you can try to get a little bit of fat. Yeah, and then when I when I eat it like that, I'm just like It's so well, that's the thing is like there's a balance for brisket Is it because you can go higher fat or you can try to get leaner? And I mean, I think the the way to go is to get a mix of both personally

I actually and that everyone has a bias. I love Texas. I love that brisket. Yeah, that's my favorite That's something I love the Carolina stuff that I've had and then I actually would go Memphis next for me. Yeah. Yeah. Just the rubs. Yeah. I mean, you know what? It's you know what I like about barbecue is like when I order food in general, I like to have a sampling. Yeah. Even when I had a restaurant or a menu where if I'm on the road getting room

service. Yeah. I'm not sure if like the food's going to suck or what's going to be good or bad. So I'll like order like two or three or four things. Yeah. That on the road getting room service. Yeah I'm not sure if like the foods gonna suck or what's gonna be good or bad So I like order like two or three or four things. Yeah, that's the way to have a little bit of each That's the way to do it. Yeah, and so like with barbecue. It's like I'm taking a school potatoes out a school macaroni cheese I got that coleslaw in there. Yeah, those beans though I know you can't all brisket little ribs and I'm just like this is amazing cornbread I went to all these places in KC because they are famous for it Yeah, and none of them were for me like my like oh, I gotta have this again again

Yeah, not really which is probably blasphemous to them, but I'm just telling you you do there on the road You're a little bit more like for in the room and stuff Um, they asked like how many people we go to yeah when we go to we go out to eat I order crazy amounts of food. Yeah, you just keep it coming just like cuz again. It's like I don't know if this is good Yeah, so bring this this in there for the table. Yes, try it all Yeah, yeah in there in the hey, just tell them about this in the hotel rooms all order like a few things They always say how many people are reading and I always say two because I'm just like why am I gonna? I say one four. Yeah, so then that person's coming up and

I know that like that odds are like that there's a chance They might know who I am even I said to so what I do to back What I do to back it up because they come in the room is I? turn on the shower and I and I turn on the light close the door and then they're like when they come in I just go babe Here yeah, it's good. Yeah, try to shut the door between the bedroom and like the living room area. Yeah Yeah, there's somebody in there Yeah, always do it always hundreds of times the shower is an extra and then they walk out

Yeah, cuz sometimes if I'm not in a room that's like bigger than you know, I gotta go the extra length Well, sometimes you tell them they're like and how many people you're like one and then there's just just quiet Yeah, and you want to get all this Chris Chris me and Chris laugh cuz he goes to when he gets fast food and stuff Mm-hmm He ordered like right at the counter like a ton of fast food and he'll do this thing where he goes like he'll be saying I'll be like what do they want? What do they want? What do they want? Under his breath like as he's looking up at the thing. You know, I might as well get an extra one kids with the kids probably one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

And he's just picking out He is so good with like exercise and do and then and then it just goes full swing the other way Yeah like he will like hill one day will post up like Brendan Fraser in the whale and just eat like I Mean eat like I mean eat like An amount the body can't break down really. Yeah And then he's he's good good good good good And then all of a sudden he I mean stuff like you will be violently sick really. Yeah, like a full cake

You know like just stuff like that. Just just gorgeous. Just gay trauma It's his body being like, you're gay, just say it. Alright, what do I have for you? I wanted to show you. Oh yeah, speaking of food, here we go. Realistic, what I eat in a day as a 26 year old. I woke up super late around lunchtime, so I decided to have Cane's right when I woke up. I will never get over that first crispy drink of a Dr Pepper. Okay, so I ordered the three finger combo.

I'm very picky with fries, but Kane's fries is so Good. Oh my gosh, and their chicken is I there's no words. No words A lot of people don't eat the bread, but the bread is also my favorite part Okay after kane's I went home and I relaxed a little bit. Okay, do not judge me But as a snack I had this leftover chocolate cake that I've had in the fridge I had a couple bites of that then Then I ate a mozzarella. Mozzarella sticks just have my heart. Later on I went out and I had a carne asada taco, a shrimp taco, beans and rye. Oh my gosh Everything was so good. That's it y'all. Bye

I don't know that's it, but that's still People are doing this with like here's what I eat in a day. All day long. This is what I ate all day long Yeah, so she had chicken fingers, fries, chocolate cake a cheese stick This is what I ate all day long. Yeah, so she had chicken fingers fries chocolate cake a cheese stick a Taco a burrito beans and rice. I mean, I guess it's not The craziest day but it's still I yeah, but it's like and this is get this gets views Yeah, yeah, and people who are really overweight are doing this a lot because Because? They just wanna show this is what I eat in a day.

So sometimes they're showing you. They're owning it. Sometimes they're going like, hey, I don't eat that crazy. Yeah. You know, I look overweight, but I don't eat that crazy, so I do that, and then sometimes they're just like, yeah, I eat a lot of food. She said a little bit of this leftover chocolate cake.

That was a big ass piece of cake, bro. That was the size of a football. It was like a quarter of the cake. And she said I had a few bites of it. As if we're supposed to believe it. That she sampled it and was like, that's enough. It cut out mid-sentence there as well. That's insane.

Yeah, that's something that you do. You like red lobster? I haven't been in Seoul. I mean, I remember of course going and everybody loves the cheesy. The biscuits, the sea biscuits. But I know they're closing tons of locations. I heard that, yeah, yeah. I mean, I remember of course going and everybody loves the the cheesy the biscuits to see biscuits But I know they're closing tons of location. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, we used to go like whenever we need one of the celebrities on there

We used to go to Red Lobster and we kept that tradition going for a really long time Uh-huh And then when we got the show like the guy the network the head of the network one time He's like I'm gonna take you guys out to celebrate season two and ever where you guys want to go I'm well like well we traditionally we go to red lobster to celebrate and he Looked at us like we were like insane. Yeah, and he's like I'll take you to like per se yeah Like we're just some like sure it's man to eat seafood place. I'm like oh, you know we like my last reason. I don't know So then we were like you guys can go we went to the red lobster

Did he go with you this we went we went to get to the red lobster in Times Square And they give you these like you know when you like that have to wait for the table they give you like a beeper Yeah, so they had this was like a red claw that like glowed red it was the beeper and we stole it Yeah, and then we mailed it to him and like a silk box and like and we just like any any open it It was like the beep the beeper and he's like I'll take you then this guy gets This guy gets a private room. We didn't even know they had them at Red Lobster, and we didn't like this guy This is the executive when we first got there He's been a long gun, but he ruled like by fear of one hated like yeah

Fearing and he was the type of guy that would threaten you like take the show away from me to heartbeat like that Like literally he told us one time we wanted to raise he told us I'll pull the audience and whoever the Whichever one to use that they don't like it comes in last. I'll fire that person you can absorb their salary That's cool. Yeah, he was a complete egg. So we got red lobster and he wasn't there yet Mm-hmm, so we told the waiter were like when we when we go to order I'm just gonna order something normal. I said bring 30 pounds of lobster just no matter what I say Yeah, please just bring as much food when if I tell you we want crab legs and I

Say I have a pound bring five pounds lobster if I say I want the one pound louse to bring the three and a half pounds of everybody and Like please just do it and he's like alright and the guy did it and then like at the end of the meal It was like it like seven hundred and fifty dollars at Red Lobster. Yeah, fuck this guy bad Did he was he like he opened it? It was like aS receipt, and he did like a double take and he was like what the fuck And then Murray Murray had printed out a five dollar off coupon Like he had like a desk jet printed and he's like I have a five dollars, and he slid in the guys I'll fuck you coupon

He was like and we'd like yeah, we call it. What is this because of 750 bucks at Red Lobster Was there did he move on to other he got fired and then he went to like? the Oxygen or something. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. He went and started hawking for Oprah fear based doing it is a crazy I used to was terrible Can you do a push-up? Yeah, look at this guy. This is first push-ups That's our former producer Yeah He's really getting into fitness now, but yeah

I'm not much better than that to be honest You see those guys are doing like not like one-handed knuckle ones and like that's crazy. Yeah finger the one finger Yeah, yeah, I mean you you you I mean you really like You became the picture of like you're like a workout guy now. No, I try to work out workouts and stuff and I try to work out I have no form. I never will I never you know, I'm just if I'm very intimidated by the gym really Yeah, I've tried all the like at-home stuff Done karate at home. I heard this guy say this where I was like, oh, that's really interesting.

Where I, I don't want to say the person, I met this person who's a known person and I was like, Jesus, man, I didn't realize you were fucking jacked. Yeah. And he was like, he's like, no, I, I wasn't because my whole life I was like, I'm not really a gym guy. And then he goes, and then one day I just told myself. Oh, I am a gym guy. I work out all the time he's like I just started telling myself that and That's it. He's like and now I just

Make it part of my yeah. He was like his all perspective for him. I thought it was very interesting All right. Well, you know what? Yeah, you are maybe I am maybe I'm like maybe I'm a gym rat as they say So here I'm going to show you a few clips and the fun of this is you tell me whether this is horrible or Hilarious. Mm-hmm. Okay. You got it Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck.

Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck.

Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck.

Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck He's lucky that thing released. I don't know if it did. I mean he's off frame right now. Okay. You're making the assumption that he got out of there.

We've wrestled Crocs on the show. I mean. It's pretty, yeah, that's, he takes it. That's a big one, bro. Oh, it's that one, okay. I thought it was another one that dragged him off. That's how fast that happened. I mean the guy's in there, so he has the license to be in there. He's wearing the stupid shorts and hat, so he's that one. Okay. I thought it was another one that dragged him off. That's how fast that I mean the guys in there

So he has the license to be in there. He's wearing the stupid shorts and hats So he's also know something yeah for that someone to be that careless and and be taken by the way It seems so taken off guard. Yeah, he had one little stick I think any of these guys that get in gator pits and croc pits are just out of their fucking hands What are you doing? I mean so I mean that mean the- Isn't it crazy that the crack hunter died from a stingray? I know, of all the things. And the level of expertise that guy had,

I mean, it goes to show you right there. That was also just the craziest timing ever because the stingray, its stinger went into his heart. It's just a freakish accident. It was a freak accident, yeah. That's wild. I mean, people do crazy shit with animals this guy he's like hey russians are just

this is my guy Chicago Maybe my hat Okay, I thought this guy was gonna get more no I know I know I was waiting to get more That was so anti-climactic Cuz you said is this horrible I know I switched out of it Yeah, I was like this guy's a goner. I know yeah You see these guys on like the internet that guy that lives with all of his lions Yeah, like they're sitting on a sectional couch. Oh, they're a rich guys. Yeah. Yeah, they're just like this is my leopard I follow everyone cuz I am waiting for the video. I know I'm just waiting for a live like a live stream

Is that one we've played before where the guy has? He's like at his I don't know his palace Yeah, and he just releases a tiger into the pool and there's his friends are swimming in the pool it's a fucking full-grown tiger and they panic so fucking hard that's not right they jump out and fall and shit yeah that's not right yeah cuz they don't know that the tiger doesn't know them like that it's insane these sheiks man they gotta calm down they gotta chill out getting too crazy with taking liberties at these barbecues at the house

Here's another one horn at first glance taking this tomato down through these spinning fan blades may seem impossible But I'm here to show you it's not This must be done all in one motion Okay guys watch me go to work oh god oh fuck oh god I think I cut my ear

hysterical pretty good yeah i mean he could have died you think so? absolutely how come? i feel like if the thing was going to hit him in the temple or something like that i mean like just i don't know i mean but he the intent was comedy right?

yeah i think so right so he was devouring he knew he was going to he knew it was going to hurt i prefer the more organic ones but still yeah i would have liked him to believe what was just happening would have made it funnier. Five, four, three, two, one. Oh, god.

Look. Look at this fucking guy. Oh, god. What is that? Where's his other leg? What did you think? Although although is this a porno look at these chicks these are his nurses Yeah, that's that's crazy. No island is this and nobody wears those like nurse like like Burger King hats like that this is

That this definitely a foreign country Wow, dude I've jumped off of a what do you call cliff jumping was that mm-hmm. I think I've done it. He jumped way too far, bro No freaking way, man. Yeah, that's just like I mean No, you know, it's funny. Yeah, cuz he's you know, he I mean is it funny or if he dies. No, no No, it's terrible, then it's just terrible Yeah, it's terrible. Okay. I didn't know I just want to see what you're me I mean, it's his rock boom and they're like he's dead you like well. Yeah, this is funnier. I think Still not in reverse.

Still. Back it up, bro! Oh my God! Just shatter- his leg- His legs are just like skin bags full of shards. He fucking just- slammed it so hard!

Oh! And he puts his knees up right before it. And the front end of that car is dented hard. I mean, he. Oh my god, dude. It's sort of reminiscent of a great clip, isn't it? The greatest clip of all time, maybe? What?! What hit him in the face? It took the person that long to help him? That long? To back it up even? Where is the person? That's the person?

Look at him. What does he check out? He checks out... Look, he's like... Why are they so nonchalant? He checks out the car, bro. He's like, is the car cool? Fuck. Fuck. My stepmom once hit my boss at the deli with her car. She backed up over him. No shit. Look at this, look. Car cool. Yo, that's wild. I don't understand what just happened. Why is he so...

Just fuckin'... Why is he so... Just fuckin... Why is that guy standing there? Do you know the context behind this? I mean, I know he's in Taiwan, and I know that... Yeah, that's the driver. Did something hit him in the face? It looked like something... He was holding a clipboard, and the clipboard was flying. Yeah, the clipboard hits him.

I...I...I...I... Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh, god, I feel his pain. Yeah. I Yeah, my friend once closed the car door on me on my hand So it was um We were in travel on a road trip in a minivan I got out the back and I was holding on to like getting out so that with the front door closes in the back You know comes forward and meets like right there I was holding there and he slammed it closed and it's and it closed So there's that weather stripping on it that gives you like a half inch of cushion

Yeah, so I guess my hands got like crushed in between that and it my hand was stuck in there and I just turned I was like, oh Like it was like such a loud. Yes squeal. No, it's like And like they didn't know the extent of the pain So like giggled a little bit Yeah And then like finally you open the door and like there's like a line across my fingers And I just like fell to the ground like holding my broken. No, I didn't I didn't it was a bone bruised

It was like my hand hurt for like six months. Yeah, like went purple and everything Yeah, but they they left and to this day they laugh about they still think it's funny. Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't have laughed No, no, I would hit by a car you hit by a car. It's for playing frisbee with my dad running into the street No, we were in a closed park lot. Not another single item in that part of another car. Not another body how did that happen my dad to the frisbee wide and Then went over to the fence to talk to a friend of his that was passing by. It was at like a VW post, like one of those veterans hall things

that I used to play hockey when I was little. But that's how I was four, I was four years old. And I went to go get the Frisbee and a station wagon entered the parking lot. I'm telling you, so there's a parking lot, let's call the parking lot 125 feet by 200 feet. There was two bodies in there, mine and my father's, and not another single item in the parking lot

that was fenced in. So there wasn't another thing in there. So I thought this car, even then I remember this. I just remember seeing the car coming at me and thinking, well, clearly. What the fuck? There's no one else in there. And then I went to pick up the Frisbee

and I dropped it and I remember having to thought, do I bend down to get it again? And that's the last thing I remember. And then I woke up, my dad and his arm was running to the hospital. And did he up like my dad and his arm was running to the hospital. And did he get a story from these people or any? He tried to kill the guy.

He was like punching, the guy wouldn't open the doors and he was like punching the doors to get him out. And then my dad's friend from behind the screen was like, your son. Like my dad was like in a blind rage. And then he just picked me up and ran with me. Into the hospital? Into his car, into the hospital. And then he just picked me up and ran with me. Into the hospital? Into his car, into the hospital.

And then how hurt were you? I was bruised. I didn't break anything. I was bruised, yeah. Sued, ended up being a kid I know, his grandfather. What? Yeah, from like grammar school. And I sued, it was like I was four.

You guys sued him? Yeah, it wasn't. It was not, as far as lawsuits go, I graded like a like you might did he ever Did you get a story from him like the day? I don't know he's just like I was I didn't see him I didn't see him five. I got five grand. Yeah, five thousand. Yeah, it's like 1981 or something pretty chill for a four-year-old you're like yeah, I couldn't touch it till I was 18 though Yeah, would you spend that when I when I got out it was 12 five dude?

What'd you do with that? What didn't I do, Tom? Yeah. Yeah, tons of fun dip, just everything. Fucking everything. Yeah, yeah. I don't know what I did with it. So many lobster, fucking red lobster visits.

Yeah, I truly don't even know what the hell I did with it. I don't know. Jesus. Do you ever take business calls or calls when you're on the toilet? Yeah. And then you use mute. Yeah. Yeah, I just found out this one Yeah, I'm like she goes were you on a on the She's walking by the bathroom in the in the house and she was like real the toilet on a call

I go yeah, did you not use mute? No, I do okay And I go yeah, so I just go I doubt it out and then I hit mute Yeah, and then they talk and then I unmute I go everybody does this no, and she's like yeah, I am I just pee on the call no mute I'm like so you just piss in Like everyone can hear you peeing and she's like I guess she doesn't even know she doesn't even know about you mute it Yeah, fully well if you're on a zoom It'll highlight the box where the sounds coming from yeah So if they hear like the piss stream, and it just hides. That's her just pissing just pissing away out of your fucking mind

That's wild It's wild just piss like that Yeah, I had a Did you remind me of something what no I was like I had this cat I Film the short I film the short for I know I was a TV pilot Yeah, like for like spike or something back in the day, huh? And then the pilot in this in this pilot we all It's almost like a gonna waste sunny type a single camera thing with the guys

And I yeah And the storyline all takes place in the hospital for the first episode and in my storyline I go to visit Q who got smoke inhalation out of fire as a fireman and I fall asleep in the bed next to him Mm-hmm, and then there's like a clipboard on it and they come when they take me into surgery by accident It's like one of those jobs and I don't know how to explain this as stupid But if the surgery was for breast implant surgery, yeah And so I wake up I come to and I have like these huge tits because they took me and they did the procedure.

Sure. And in the, I don't know why, but in this, somehow they're black tits. We don't really explain why. Yeah. But like I go to like the front desk and I rip open my shirt. You're black.

And I'm like, what the fuck? And there's two huge black tits hanging off my white body which doesn't even make any sense. I'm like, how did this happen to me? You know, I'm screaming on my shirt. You know my what the fuck and it's two huge black tits hanging off my white body Which doesn't even make any sound I'm like how did this happen to me? You know I'm screaming the lady and she's like name and I'm like name I'm like do you want to address this right now? And she's like just calm down like how would I'm like how would you like it if you had it was a black woman I'm like I have black tits. I'm like how would you like it if you had a white dick, and she was like it depends but But for the but for the actual like show I had to go get to like a special effects place. Sure. We had to buy

these four and a half pound tits each. And I had to go do a dry run where they like shave my chest and they taped them to me. And so I went to this woman's house. I don't know why this reminded me of this, but I think because piss was involved. I go to this one's house and like I don't know her and she speaks broken English. I've really met her before and she's be hired her to be this special effects person Yeah, so it's like an August day in New York City. She has no air-conditioned

I go to her house in the East Village go to her house in the East Village. She opens our she's like speaking broken She's like coming coming. I'm like alright, and then it's dead silent in her house It's about 500 degrees and her husband is there and it's a really small apartment like like not much bigger than like a studio Yeah, and they're they have a two-person like table They're eating dinner at and they're both in the middle of eating dinner and he's sitting there It's like really quiet and uncomfortable and I'm like, oh hi and he's like hello. Hello, and she was come over She lays me on the couch She was lay back and then so her husband is like 10 feet away eating dinner

And I just hear like the the fork and knife clinking on the plate. You just hear him chewing. It's dead silent. He's everyone in there. It's like, it's like, like how my grandpa grew up in Cuba. Everyone like he's shirtless, but he's still sweaty. Like, you know, like it's just,

it's just really hot in there. And she lays me back and she opens up my shirt on her little couch. It's like, it's like, it was like a futon and she started shaving my chest and she's talking to her husband and like they're like talking about like something like serious learning and she shades my chest and then she takes and she puts his glue on me and she makes me hold these two big black tits.

So I'm laying down with nine pounds of fake black tit on me. My shirt is off. My chest is shaved. I'm looking straight up in the air. It's about 110 degrees So they have to set the glue is to set so she goes and sits back down and they just start talking and having dinner Yeah, and they're just like again, like it just like they can come here in the forks clanking and I'm pouring sweat I'm holding hold these two black tits and then I hear like a wheezing and I go I hear like

And then I hear what sounds like piss and I turn and like two feet behind me in like a little cat is a cat and the cat is all like bandaged up and it's just laying there half dead wheezing and just shooting piss out of itself. And I just turn away. Oh my God. She's like, he's that he will die tonight. He will die tonight. Yeah. He's like he's dying tonight. And I'm like so now understand what's happening. I don't know this woman is 110 degrees. I'm pouring sweat. I'm holding my

chest is shaped. I'm holding these black tits. This thing is wheezing and pissing right next to me and they're just eating dinner in silence like like talking. Just like this is the most surreal thing I've ever heard. And after a while, I was like, can I just I was like, it's probably fine. You know, they'll do it. You know, they don't stick. You know, I don't know. But like, we'll figure something out. You know, I just didn't want to stay there anymore. If I really wanted to die, the cat was pissing and she just come out and drop a towel on it. Yeah. On the floor.

And then I'll never forget. She if she goes you know you can go She said if worse comes to shove I put you in a bra worst That's literally she said if worse comes to shove I put you in a bra Yeah, and this is like from that day. It's like me my friends say that was like maybe I had to be I guess 2000 Something like 17 years ago. Yeah, and I've said if worse comes to like I've taken that on Yeah, if we're sure the shove is a great expression, but it was just pissing. How did it work on the actual shoot? They stayed on nice. Yeah, they stayed on it hurt really Yeah, we film like over three days and I was wearing these nine like these nine pounds big fake black

With the bra it hurt really yeah I'm not you're walking around with those bra, it hurt. Really? Yeah. Imagine walking around with those all the time. Exactly. I have a newfound respect. Worst comes to shove. Yeah, worst comes to shove. A black woman with a large breast.

But the P was going up slightly. It had an arch. An arch. And even that cat would have hit mute if it had a phone, probably. It would have the decency to do that I just was like I heard piss and I was like and I just turn And then I just saw like the cat was like that I think like we just see like it's chest going up and then back down like wheezing it was dying

It was dying in front of me. It was releasing it what it was releasing its bowels and and And everything right in front of me. It's amazing one of the best nights of my life that's fucking fantastic I found by the way I have I'm so excited sometimes we find these clips that get me so excited and I can't stop thinking about this this clip of Manny so there's a there's a place that sells tools and I guess they let you buy tools on credit. And they have this guy and they're like, hey, what'd you just get? And it's just something's not right. Something's not right with his demeanor. He's like supposed to be doing, I guess kind of promo for the tool place.

But some is not right. Congratulations to Manny for the purchase of these new snap-on wrenches. What kind of wrenches are those Manny? The ratchet wrenches and the front end... front arm... no. Now show me the other side what does show how it works great purchase Manny I'm whitehead Manny doesn't seem like he's doing well. Oh my god, he was either stroking out or something was happening, right? He was having a stroke.

Something's not good, yeah. I don't even know if he wants those tools. Was he trying to like, was he crying for help? It feels like it. He felt like either, he felt like a hostage who was having a stroke He didn't understand the tools, but then he also didn't understand like motor function no no Yeah, he looked very uncomfortable. It's all right, manny. It's okay. I feel like it's a guy like Snap-on wrenches what kind of wrenches are those Manny the ratcheting? wrenches and

From and What does show how it works? I don't want to do this Great purchase Manny The guys the guys video has a gun point Fucking say this shit purchase Manny is he a does Manny do more of these is yeah, he does Oh, this is a series. Can you pull up another Manny video? Oh My god, I laughed so fucking hard watching this I was like fucking Manny is Definitely like He seems so sweet. he does seem sweet right like

immediately seems sweet but he seems like his debt is to do the video right right you're gonna do these fucking videos Manny right like he got bailed out or something something happened wait this is hanging over his head for the purchase of this 3 8 inch snap-on electronic wrench many want to show us how that works? Alright, so you gotta turn it on with the button. Let's see the thing. Yep, hold it like this, Manny.

Now let's hold on to it and see if you can put some torque on it. So, okay, you got it to 11.3. Oh, man. I'm weak. Alright, here, let me try it. You don't kill me. Here we go, ready?

All right Here we go ready oh Man so's minus hmm Yes, many stronger than me I only get 10.4. Have a great day, okay Congratulations to me. I feel like Manny like the threat of INS is looming something something is yeah Something's pressing for cuz Manny like the threat of INS is looming or something something is yeah, something's pressing for Cuz Manny key also how much He's meant to believe to be purchasing these work there no wait so so what we're meant to believe here the guy filming

Owns the place and he's just like hey Manny just stopped in to get some more stuff, but it's like it's a lot of high ticket items You know yeah, and he's like me. What'd you just get yeah, and Manny doesn't know how to use them what they're for But he just keeps purchasing that like expensive tools right right what's this one? It's good verbal speech right here right and Let's put it to the test. All right, let's see. I Don't know He's making many Commercial actors also high pressure

Careful many man is no we've been into careful Manny, Manny doesn't know what he's getting into all right you got that Manny is it secure? metal. He's a cake. Congratulations to Manny. Wow. He's in there. Oh, but what's he, what's he building? I don't know. He's what is he building a wall, Manny? Would you call Manny to do any of this labor? I'd like to have a lunch with man. I'd like to talk to Manny. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, Manny. Yeah. Yeah.

But yeah, Manny's always stopping in and get and see, those are all different. I guess it's the same guy. And then Manny's a regular. There's Manny right there. Two point was at two point nine million. Here's some more super speedway tickets for your purchases today. Well, thank you, Jack. Go and cut out of that that one the one row up to the right there see yeah what's that? Congratulations to Manny for the purchase of this ProLink Heavy Duty Scanner.

This thing does crazy stuff. It scans all the transmissions and heavy diesel engines. What happens is you get 10 free scans on each type of engine. Hey Manny, what modules did you buy? For Cummins, um, cats and Ellison transmission. I think so. Yeah. Ellison transmission. All right. So you get all these tickets to scan in. Thank you very much Manny. On the way to super speedway. Have a great day Congratulations to Manny Child trapped in like a middle-aged Mexican man's body or whatever it does seem like and it also seems like the guys like this Is what it does okay? Yeah, right, and he's like okay, and then he we get stuff

I feel like man. He's being hoodwinked. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah anyway. It's my favorite news thing also cost forty five hundred dollars Yeah, yeah, anyway, it's my favorite news thing also cost forty five hundred dollars Damn now. I don't mean to like I'm not trying to stereotype Yeah, but Manny he doesn't like he doesn't look at the typing I would be in there that with the lack of knowledge He's showing yeah He'd be in there that frequently dropping that much money on items that he may or may not need not even know how to use even Yeah, yeah, this is I think so I think he just dropped four thousand five hundred dollars on something that he doesn't exactly know what it does yeah it Yeah, it's this guy needs to be investigated this other guy this other guy fucking thanks Jack Okay, Jack. Can we call him and ask him? What's going on with Manny? What are you doing to Manny?

I bet you that place already gets calls like that. We should I I mean. Let Manny out of the back. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, free Manny. Yeah. Free Manny. Free Manny. He's so scared. It seems like he's so scared. It does feel like he's doing things under duress.

Yeah, it does. It really does. All right, here's one more. What's this? This isn't one of my... I... you gotta be kidding... what? What? That's fully through a building. Is that the old I thought I was hitting the brake

Yeah, that is wild in case you're wondering like five different stores in case you're wondering It's a broad. Yes. Okay. All right. Yeah. Yeah, I wasn't wondering. I just assumed yeah No, that's wild every I love that every single store had a camera hooked up. I've that happened I've seen card two times where I worked a car drove right through the wall seriously Yeah, once I'm in a deli When I worked there and like and then it went right through went through one two three got to the fourth aisle to coffee Went right through lady old lady thought she was step She's had to she looked back and then went forward went right through a glass window and through four aisles I've like a convenience store Wow

And then I worked at a bar and a van a white van broke through and hit two of the tables that were sitting They just went fly was that's all on camera, too Really? Yeah, I mean we heard a hole in a injured like hospital, but like not anything severe Yeah But they were like like you they saw it coming like jumped up and then it hit through the wall. It hit two booths and they just kind of went flying. And there was a hole in the building for days and they just kind of like taped it up and they just put like, we are open.

I remember one time, this isn't the same thing, I was living with my cousin and we were in LA and I thought, it sounded like a grenade went off. Like boom, like the loudest explosion. I was like, grenade went off like boom like the loudest explosion Yeah, it's like what was that and I walk outside and a car had hit his girlfriend's parked car So her his girlfriend was parked in front of our house. Yeah, and it hit it at like I don't know 4050 miles an hour. Yeah, it sounded like a gun had gone off. Yeah, and that car was just completely total I demolished a car once delivering pizza

Really? Yeah, man. I looked down for a split second to just look at the address again I love forget. I was going to 32 Reed Avenue. I was a college. I was playing hockey I'd like long Eddie's better hair and I had all my hockey equipment in the trunk and I looked down and Let's look at that. I just when I looked back up. I guess I had veered I was probably going about 35 40 and when I looked back up, I guess I had veered, I was probably going about 35, 40. And when I looked up, I was less than 10 feet from a parked car. And it was just like no stopping.

And I hit this parked car, parked car, hopped the curb, went through a wrought iron fence and was in someone's front yard. I broke the head of the windshield of my head. The trunk popped open, all my hockey equipment shot out all over the place Yeah, it was a Friday It was like the busy time too and I like open my eyes and I had all the glass from the hole my hair was

It was covered in glass and baked ziti. Oh, right tons of big And I remember the other the other driver drove by like he was driving by cuz I close still close to the place Yeah, we had three drivers on Friday to have like the busy time and he was like, oh my god, Sal and I was like just go get Pat Pat was like the owner and they just came and I like and the cops came the ambulance and then Turned out the guy who was that that his car it was like a park and ride for like the express bus Mm-hmm. So like while the cops were there like across the street he got off the bus coming home from the city and stepped off the express bus. So like while the cops were there like across the street, he got off the bus coming home from the city

and stepped off the express bus and he just walked up and they were like, sir, and he's like, it's my car. And then he just looked, he goes, what the fuck? And I just was like, I literally just, I didn't know what, I was still dazed. I just went, I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it. I told him I didn't mean it.

I had like literally cheese hanging from my head and everything. Jesus Christ. I did, literally cheese hanging from my head and everything. Jesus Christ. I did, on my way to the airport, I was going to New York, living in LA, going to shoot live at Gotham. You remember live at Gotham? Yeah, yeah.

And I'm on my way and it's rush hour traffic and I had a cough drop and I dropped it. And I reached down to get it and we're in like, kind of like, you know like rush hour morning traffic. Yeah. And I don't realize that I'm rolling. And I, it probably was only like, I don't know, maybe max 10 miles an hour, but I hit that car,

it hit the car in front of it, it hit the car in front of it, and it hit the car in front of it. No way. But I got jarred and didn't realize that I was the cause so I put the car in park and walked to the back And I was like The fuck And I you see the guy like

What? When I look at the back of my car. There's nothing like nothing there you fucking Oh When I look at the back of my car, there's nothing I'm like nothing there you fucking Oh My god, it's all on you. It's all that's all it's all trickling back down to you so the five cars pulled over and I'm like I Have insurance So I get everybody's information, and I'm like I got to get to the airport I got to go to stand up on Comedy Central. I totally had whiplash too.

No shit. Yeah, yeah. And then, you know, fly there, call the insurance, and they told me that I basically maxed out, because it was like, you know, $8,000 for this car, $5,000 for that, and I had enough insurance, but they were like, you, this is the most coverage you can have Holy shit, yeah, yeah, no sucked. Oh my god, dude. Yeah

One time I was working at that's remember I told you about the my stepmom hit my boss with our car Mm-hmm. There was this Thai family. I used to work at that same convenience store, right? It's a Thai family It was brother and sister that that owned it. Yeah, and they were older though. They were like probably in their 50s 60s, whatever I'll never forget. I mean was Anna she was like maybe four foot six she maybe weighed 65 pounds, but she was like a firecracker of a woman and She was like hyper aware of anyone stealing from this is a 24-hour convenience store Yeah And she was like hyper aware of anyone stealing from this is a 24-hour convenience store Yeah, so she would mix it up with people like all the time and they were like they didn't they were they were like off They didn't care like there was machetes under the register. Yeah, I mean like they just didn't fuck around

There's like I look like a police zapper. Yeah on a pole and stuff and um One time she caught a guy. He stole two pints of Haagen Dazs and she caught him walking out. And she would I mean, she would get people's faces and she was nuts. And she would sit next to the register on a stool all night long. And she just go, oh, she'd she'd just be sitting there holding her stomach going. Oh, and she just spit in the garbage. Oh, she was a sweetheart. But we're like, what? Something's wrong with you. Turned out she had stomach cancer. She should just sit in the garbage. Oh, she was a sweetheart, but we like what it was something's wrong with you

Turned out she had stomach cancer. She should just sit there for months. Just be like oh, and then she's gone now But like she she ran after this guy and he got in his car and she jumped on the hood This is when you remember when antennas like those metal. Yeah, of course Like she jumped on the hood grabbed the antenna to stop his car. He peeled out backward is the two pints of hog dolls at the time with it were 499 a pint This is a stat islander. Yeah, he peels out backwards then just hops goes off and it's right up to a main road and Just peels out goes off and just hop and drives away and she's on the hood and we're just watching her She's on the hood as this guy peels out and drives onto a main road as fast as he could possibly go and we're like

Let go and let go of the hood and she's like no, she's just screaming And he just peeled away and just drove off over like what do we ever do at some point? She falls off. Yeah, she falls off at some point, but we didn't know when I'm not super hurt She rolled she fell off like a block less than a block and a half up at like a sharp turn And it was like all like weeds and a wooded area And she's like we found her in the woods Like we we called the cops and just ran as far as the old tie older 60-something year old like like 80 pound tie woman. Holy shit

Yeah, they're built tough who had stunk some of cancer at the time at the time and she she I mean I've seen her take the machete out and swing it Yeah, no shit, but she she jumped on the hoodete out and swing it. Yeah, she was no shit. But she jumped on the hood of that car, and you'd think that that's how she would have passed, but no. But no. Best pastry.

My favorite pastry? Yeah. We're not talking cake then, we're talking like proper pastry. Yeah, bakery stuff. Probably like a bear claw, maybe. Really? Yeah, something like a, or a lobster, like what do they call those things, like a bear claw maybe really yeah something like a night or a lobster like that

What do they call those things like the lobster claw lobster claw? Yeah, it's like the cream filled like a flaky I mean an eclair is nice, but we're not talking cookie And I can't say tres leches cake right right now. I was thinking like croissants. You know yeah Cinnamon roll I guess would fall under that I've never had a cinnamon roll ever no Not a cinnabon. I should say a morning bun You have something like those Pillsbury things that you pop out Yeah, like little this big but not like a cinnamon roll like a sin of like a baked one a fresh big one like that No, we have to get you one. Yeah, it sounds like it'll be delicious, but it sounds like a bit a little bit overboard though

It is you should you should it doesn't appeal to me. It just looks like it's like gonna like well I think eating one to yourself is insane. Okay, okay? I see people eat them. That's insane. You should cut it up into quarters How long you here till? to Tomorrow only I'm here all week though. You have yeah, did you play in town? Yeah, where'd you play did? Creek last night. How was that night? I'm doing a mother mothership it was fun. Yeah, it was fun I did a Lewis Lewis Lewis had a show is like an offensive show and dirty show hold it to pray

It's so funny these guys all my friends that they always put me on these like offensive shows But I like my materials pretty like yeah, my most offensive stuff's not offensive. Yeah, so I had to get there and like Use the dial it up horribly offensive joke. Yeah, you just wrote it on the way there. Oh good Yeah, but it was like like if it was being recorded and taken out of context I would get cancelled great. Yeah, those are the best shows. It's been fun. Yeah If you missed it, you can you can see Sal's new special terrified just released Not long ago. Yes on YouTube and you can also get tickets at salvo Conno comedy.com to see that everything's fine tour

Of course season 11 is just about to begin. Yeah, July 11th, July 11th of Practical jokers. Yes, sir. Amazing. Congrats on everything great to see you too. Congrats on your wife and child as well Very much. Congrats on your inch. Thank you and getting back into the bedroom today and hopefully a couple more inches coming. Yes Yeah. All right. Well you guys next time. Bye Now I'm in your ass, yeah I'm buggin' you, oh yeah I'm gonna sweat, I'm gonna come I'm gonna get on your bum I'm gonna face you, girl You better know I'm gonna come, I'm gonna get on your bum, on your face you girl You better know I'm gonna rock your world Now I'm in your ass, yeah, I'm fucking you, oh yeah

Now I'm in your ass, yeah, I'm fucking you, oh yeah I'm fuckin' in the water I'm gonna swim, I'm gonna come I'm gonna get on your bump I'm gonna swim, I'm gonna come I'm gonna get on your bump I'm gonna swim, I'm gonna come I'm gonna get on your bump I'm gonna kiss you girl

You better know I'm gonna get on your bump I'm gonna kiss you girl You better know I'm gonna rock your world Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm