Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Coming Up In May w/ Harland Williams | Your Mom's House Ep. 758

Episode Date: May 8, 2024

SPONSORS: - Download DoorDash and get 25% off your next alcohol order of $35 or more, up to $15 off max value. For eligible users only. Terms apply. For eligible users only. Terms apply. Must be 21+ to order alcohol. Drink responsibly. Delivery and promotions available only in select markets. - Get Coors Light delivered straight to your door with Instacart by going to https://coorslight.com/YMH - Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/mom or through my promo code MOM. - Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://Shopify.com/momshouse Put down Grandpa's cough medicine, it's a new episode of Your Mom's House with Tim and Kirsten! This week, Tom Segura and Christina P open the show by being serenaded by Gary Busey. They go off on some gross food video clips, before following up on an underdog story that happened because of some knucklehead soccer players in Thailand. They also do some accent work and look up the meanings behind some English words with French origins. Comedian and podcaster Harland Williams joins the Main Mommies and his hair is looking great! He's got a new movie coming out and he shares some fun stories from his very first movie role in "Dumb and Dumber". They also talk about the new plus size section at Target, "Terminator 2", aging, Naked Martin, and some natural health benefits from the Double Soul Shaman. And just to butter him up, Harland also reacts to some classic Horrible or Hilarious clips! https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Your Mom’s House Ep. 758 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. We are all connected. Discover Echo from Cirque du Soleil opens May 8th under the big top at Dorado Lakeshore Boulevard West. Tickets at Cirque du Soleil dot com. Echo thanks its presenting partner, Sun Life. Bye. What it do, welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House.

Here we are. Long Beach Uncompton. Yeah. Now you know you're in trouble. Oh wow. That's really good. I love when you rap. Did it sound like you were scared?

Very, very scared. I just had two Sour Belts because my Ozempi dose isn't high enough. I'm up to 20 now and I think I need to go to 25 this next time. I eat right through it. Just ease into it. Don't go up to your 100 again. You know?

It takes a lot to stop me from strapping on the feed bag. And I think like an idiot, I burned my eyes in the eclipse. I looked right at it. I did that because our kids were with us and I wanted them to have the glasses and I didn't have any and I was like, oh, and I just looked. And I Googled it. It's OK. You can have a headache for a little while after as long as it's not days after and I'm cool. I don't have permanent retinal damage. It's only been a few weeks. You're fine. It's two weeks. Yeah, two weeks is fine. Three weeks. That's a lot.

Yeah. Now it's been more than that. Yeah. It's been a month Yeah, it's good. You're still feeling the headaches after a little Only when I put my head like this, you know, yeah four weeks four weeks. I Might have permanent Retin retinal damage, but you know what they say about that That's it's not that bad Well that and never give up keep Damaging your eyes Do you know that sun gazing is a thing?

Yeah And I found people on tech talk that are like don't believe the hype you have to sun gaze look directly at the Sun Especially when it's setting your asshole actually that's the one thing that I've heard that does sound cool What what's the benefit of asshole sign? I don't know I think it just never gets any and it feels left out Yeah What's the benefit of asshole sunning? I don't know. I think it just never gets any and it feels left out. Yeah. And your body needs vitamin D and every part of your body could use a little sun probably, right?

Sure. So why not? You think your asshole feels left out? Asshole sunning boost mood. Regulate sleep. Increase libido. Wow. Spark creativity.

Attract success and positivity. Enhance longevity and stamina. Cleanse the genitals of bad energy or germs. I buy germs. None of that's empirically proven. Like have they done studies on- What are you talking about? It's in a Google result. That's real.

Have we done studies on anal gaming? Look at the drop down, the first one. Is tanning your tank good? That means that people write that so much. Tanning your tank good. And like you say, it's highly unlikely. In addition to warning against the harm that could be caused by perineum sunning,

doctors are also very skeptical about the purported benefits. There is no scientific or medical merit to the claims. I feel like our double soul shaman guy would get that speech from a doctor. He's like, what are you fucking talking about right now? Is this coming from the matrix? And he's like, oh, doctor, you're just so behind.

You don't realize all the, do you know what the samurai did? The doctor's like, what? I don't think it can hurt you to sun your asshole. I don't think it'd hurt unless you burn it and then a sunburn. That would hurt. I mean, one time I burned my tits and that was no fun.

No joke to burn your nips. Where were they out? At the beach? In Europa when I was very young and perky. Perfect time to sun my tits when I was 18. You sun your tits out at the beach or on a balcony? At the beach. No, at the beach, because everybody's naked there.

No big deal. No big deal? I feel like now is the time. No sun lock on your? No, I forgot, dude. I was like, whatever. But you know what? I feel like now I could show those Hungarians

what's up with my tits now. Mom tits. Mom tits, grown up tits. Those are the ones you're supposed to sun, when you go to foreign countries sure right like big Italian lady tits Nice very nice God so horny right now. Well, I just pictured big old mom tits in the Sun You never see them anywhere. No one has their tits out anymore. It's legal here in Austin to have your tits out.

It's very cool. Yeah. It is very cool. And in Toronto where I saw tits walking free. Yeah. You can do it. Cool. Let yours out. Should I do it? Why not? Nothing wrong with that. Put on some sunblock though.

That's the one thing. That's one thing. That's my only thing I'm going to say to you. Wear a sunblock. No, you got to. Are you ready to start the show? Yeah, dude. Let's do it, bro She is enjoying that day and what's a DC can Today is February the 1st. And she is enjoying that day and watching DC Cav. The birthday is the biggest celebration everyone has on Earth. Because that's the day you were born. Yeah!

You know what, Kathy? I don't work on February 1st. Because that's Kathy's birthday. THIS SHIT IS BIG TIME! Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this! YO MOTHER IN THE FUCKING STAIR! Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

With Tom Segura. Tom Segura. And Christina Pujitsen. Christina Pujitsen. Welcome to your mom's house. I I Like that part can we hear more of that? That's something Well a lot of people don't realize that you know he had a motorcycle accident and he has a frontal cortex damage to his brain. And so he has like problems with impulse control and there's obviously a different look in his eyes than he used to be there. And then he is making his living on cameo.

Cool, Tom. Thanks. Well, I'm just pointing stuff out. I'm not trying to belittle it. I'm saying. Well, hold on, because I feel like there was a moment for Gary Busey about 20 years ago where we were all fascinated He's a great actor, but I'm saying there was a reality show dedicated to his wackiness Yeah, yeah, cuz he's a very free kind of guy. You know, I think he's he doesn't he's not in his head even before this He was like, yeah, but I don't I I'm thinking that all these free characters are just mentally ill I said it I'm the first one to say it.

Like, remember when E, not Eazy Eve, Flavor Flav was popular, and you're like, yeah, but that guy's crazy. I'm talking on the reality show circuit. Brigitte Nielsen, crazy. This was all of time. Teela Tequila, totally insane. Yeah, everybody had that.

Is she insane now? Yeah, she's like a big Jesus person. I think she might be schizophrenic, like fully psychotic. You gotta respect it. Yeah, for sure, because we got them at like the height, you know, when they were functional enough to be entertaining. You see, you see, very cool. He could really do his thing, man.

I'm serious. He's a great actor. He's just, he's different now. It's different. Different. Different. He's different. What would you now. It's different. Different. Different. He's different. What would you do if I broke into your house,

made you a coffee, gave you a back rub and a butt rub, turned on the shower, made you breakfast. What will you do? I drink the coffee, then I take a big hutch. What do you think of this shit? Day 44, eating raw chicken every day till I get a tummy ache. Today we're going to have some drumsticks with hot sauce. Raw?

Yeah, this guy. I've seen this asshole. Yeah, he's a nice guy. Oh, I mean this nice guy, eating raw chicken. Jesus. I've DM'd with him before seriously yeah, I Was so curious I sent a message, and he's eating raw eggs, too Yeah, he's everything raw raw state no tummy ache as we say in third. I don't know I mean Does he get diarrhea? I don't think so he's been doing this for a while. I don't like this. I don't like this lane. No. Oh

God And he's in front of the KFC where he could get some decent taste of chicken. That's the whole point It's the egg yolks that are worse than the raw chicken for me. He started doing this a long time ago These boys are meaty today. Over Tom what would you rather do drink all those egg yolks or eat the raw chicken you have to pick Oh the yolks if I was gonna do one I Yeah, slightly undercooked chicken really weirds me out. It's so slimy. Yeah, and it the texture it doesn't You really got a grind through it, but he does put hot sauce on it

It doesn't, you know, you really gotta grind through it. But he does put hot sauce on it. Okay. And I might do the hot sauce chicken. Will you do it? No. Oh, you won't do it? No. Why?

You just said I might do it. No, if I have to do it. If there's a gun in my kid's head, yeah. Well, no one's doing that. I'm just saying, why don't we do a thing where we put raw eggs in a cup for me and you get raw chicken. I don't wanna do that.

Why? This is the whole point. This is the fun of it. We actually do the thing we're seeing. You really wanna do this with me? Yeah, I'll do it with you. I'll do the eggs, you do the chicken. I don't wanna throw up, I'm scared.

You're not gonna throw up. How many bites? Three. Can I take one bite and swallow it? That's a lot. Okay. I'm so afraid of puking. Okay. A real bite. Not like... Okay, but then what are you gonna do? I'll drink the couple eggs in a cup. I've never done it. Sounds gross. It's so awful. It's not like what you think it is. You've done it? Yeah, when I was a teenager, we thought it was cool to do it. Yeah. Sure. Then you drink it.

Have you guys done this before? Yeah. I think I've drank a raw egg, yeah. You've done that, too? We thought it was cool to do it. Yeah, sure then you drink it You've done that Once what do you think I did not like it? But I mean the chicken is definitely gonna be way riskier Riskier this guy's been doing this for 44 days Till he gets a tummy. He's like my tummy still is not bothering me. My tummy is not bothering me. Yeah But he's also done rib eyes and shit like he's doing steaks burgers everything raw Okay, all right set it up oh

You want this snack instead My husband thinks I'm crazy, this is literally the best snack. Let it all out. Some cottage cheese. It is the perfect bite. I would do that all day over the raw chicken. I feel like I'm gonna puke. Can I tell you a secret? I don't mind ketchup with cottage cheese. I would do that. It's so cheese. I would do that I have to cover this up with another disgusting thing. I'm eating a booger break your fast Eat the booger and intentionally swallow it. Yes, it breaks your fast imagine losing reward and breaking your fast right disgusting booger man It ain't worth it, bro Is this a big problem during Ramadan?

I guess it's something that people have asked. People are breaking their fasts. Cause they're talking about ejaculating, eating. But it's part of your body. Hold on though. Let's say, you say, I mean, you're just eating a part of your own body. Is it technique?

I don't know. I don't think so. What if you- He just told you it was. Okay, what if you, you know how sometimes you like to chew the nails? Yeah, sure. So you you bite your nail a little bit of nail gets in your mouth He's a skin the every the consistent part of these these Ramadan videos is all about intention Yeah, right like when it was the Ejaculate he was like if you had in your wet dream, then that's not intentional. It's just happening involuntarily

Sure, if you're seeking it out Then it's how many adults do you think eat their boogers? Like right now so many more than you think And and they're doing it obviously in private or closeted booger eaters, right? Like how many adults listening to us right now are eating? There's a whole bunch that are alone in their car or they got their earbuds in and they're going, that's me. And if you're eating your burgers,

and they're also going, nobody knows. Go ahead and write to us, your mom's podcast at gmail.com. I can almost predict though, this is just so clearly a continuation of something that developed as a child. Yeah, and they just don't put a stop. And now it's still their jam. And it's their soothing, it they just don't put a stop. They just didn't stop, yeah. And now it's still their jam. And it's their soothing. It's a soothing anxiety, soothing technique.

It's a ritual. I dig in my nose. The thing is, you imagine, as we all do, that nobody attractive is doing this. You know, we like to imagine it's just like an absolute pig, which sure there are, but then there's some really attractive people

that do this too. Yeah, like Heidi Klum is maybe eating her burgers. We saw Brooke Shields do it one time. Oh my god. That was well documented. I don't need to see it. Can we see it again? Getting ready to host, looking to celebrate a nice night in. What about a bottle of wine to pair with dinner or some beer to go with your chips and dip. No matter the occasion if drinks are called for DoorDash has you covered. Order your alcohol with DoorDash today and drink in the savings. Use code YMH24 to get 25% off up to $15 value

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straight to your door with Instacart by going to CoorsLight.com slash YMH. Coors Brewing Company, Gold and Colorado. Celebrate responsibly. Tom, okay, what's gross or boogers, raw chicken or raw eggs or cottage cheese with ketchup? Uh, cottage cheese grosses me out the most. Worse than boogers? No, boogers gross me out the most. I will do the cottage cheese with ketchup thing all day. Can I do that instead of raw chicken?

Please? I can't even like, I can't, I can't even look at this. Please. Can I eat a booger? I don't want to eat a booger actually. I'd rather eat the cottage cheese. Didn't Allie Minkowski also? Oh, Allie Minkowski is a booger eater.

Yeah, she loves eating her boogers. Did you know that? No. Yeah You know, it's like still it's like frame by frame She's doing this forever though the image that I was talking about wasn't even this there's another one It was it was that uh, I think it was that like a tennis match throw up Thing and they showed her doing it. Oh God my throat's watering. That's so fucking disgusting. Ah, shit.

It was old, man. I don't know. I don't... You're right. Like hotties eat their boogers, dude. Yeah. Hotties get diarrhea too, you know? They do. You don't expect it, but they sure do. Yeah. Uggggghhh. But he's got diarrhea too, you know? They do. You don't expect it, but they sure do. Yeah.

Fuck, dude. That was terrible. What was? Wait, scroll down, scroll down. It's booger eating. I know, not so fast. Go up a little bit. Paul McLean's exercise written.

My heart's pounding. I don't wanna see it. Smash all his tennis trophies. Oh. An Augustine. Yeah, that was just like a, something that I just happened to catch out of the corner. I didn't know what it was about. Shocking things. What is hypoatremia?

Oh, no. So much water. Oh, water intoxication she's had. That's crazy. How much water do you have to have for that? I'm the water champ. Please. How much water do you have to have from the water champ? Well remember back in the 90s when people were doing ecstasy and then flooding their brains by drinking too much water Yeah, it would happen back in like raves or whatever I know but I'm thinking about that what the days when I drink the most water are days where I've actually

Lost a ton of water, right? Like I'm saying heavy cardio days and stuff that you're gonna say diarrhea Yeah, diarrhea days to diarrhea days are definitely high water consumption high water consumption Lost a ton of water, right? Like I'm saying heavy cardio days and stuff. That you're gonna say diarrhea, yeah. Diarrhea days too. Diarrhea days are definitely high water consumption days. High water consumption. I'm wondering, I mean, there's days where I've had close to two gallons of water. That's a lot of water.

And if that doesn't, like what, how much water are you having to do that? Well right now you're consuming Diet Coke, which is negative water. And? Liquid, that's empty. You've already consumed it. I have a fresh, it's all fresh.

For every episode, I start fresh. I need more. Oh my God, do you look, this new phone number I have, another phone call is rolling in right now from Washington, D.C. Of course, you're gonna get that a bunch now. But like, even at my old number, when I had it for years and years,

I never got this many phone calls that this fool's getting. Do you know what I mean? This fool gets calls from everywhere. This fool's getting mad calls, yo. Yo, DC. Tripping, I'm tripping right now. I'm tripping hard, dude. This fool's popular, you know?

So this says symptomatic hyponatremia can occur when one drinks three, thank you very much to three to four liters of Why does it say water eight severe? Hyponatremia occurs with too much water more than what the kidney can excrete is inhaled Inhaled the water excretion rate of a healthy adult is about 20 liters a day does not exceed 800 to a thousand milliliters an hour What how about that drop down how How many cups? What does that say? To prevent hypergensia Limit fluids to no more than one to one and a half liters per hour four to five

Yeah, that's a lot of water four to five cups an hour I know that over excessively. I know what you are the champion of I'd say your water consumption has gotten better since we just got we discussed it years ago You are the cold champion cold cold yeah, you like it cold you cold plunge You don't mind swimming in the pool cold like you're definitely and I'm I'm a chicken. I don't like being I run hot, baby You do run hot. Yeah, I'll give that to you Remember remember during the eclipse Yeah

You're right When I brought up a chair, yeah So we have this this baby left so hard you have a rooftop patio And it used to have furniture that got super fucked up by the elements. So now it's bare and we're gonna put some stuff there. And so I take one of the boys up and she's like, I'm coming up! I'm like, okay. And then she comes up with the other boy and then she brings one chair.

She opens it up and she sits and she's like. And I told the boys right then and there, I say, you see your mom right now? And they go, yeah, I go, she's selfish. She didn't think about any of us. You know why? Cause it's heavy to carry all them chairs up. Not anymore, you're weightlifting now too.

I am weightlifting, but it was such, I knew that I would just have to carry them back down again. That I was like, fuck it dude, I'm just gonna take one. And then, yeah, that was really funny. Because you called me out in such a funny way. You're like, one chair, huh? One chair. One chair for the one person up here.

Well Julian sat in my lap, because he could sit in my lap and that. And I was like, ah, just enjoying this. Unbelievable. That has to be. You're an only child, right? Yeah. That's got to be an only child. Of course it is. I've had the same type of moment where I'm like, oh, I didn't think about anybody. Like, why did I not? That's so fucked up.

Annie, you and I are barely human. Like like I don't even think we have human thoughts Most of the time and I would venture to say Tanner is on team space He's got some traumas to Drag Tanner into this he's definitely our tribe He's our tribe. I have I have three siblings. of people. Okay, no, Eni and I are on Team Alone. You're an only child too, yeah? Yeah, I'm an only child. Yeah, we're Team Alone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Cause we had to figure it out. Cause we had to figure it out. That's how we think, I feel like, that's at least how I think. Is when I'm like, oh yeah, people don't need me to do, cause like, I had to figure it out. So like, you would feel like uncomfortable if I brought you a bunch of chairs

You know, it's like I would bring up the wrong one Okay, because there's there's a few different types the one that would be good for him was far too heavy for me to drag My chair his chair. I got to hold the kids hand going up the stairs So then I'm like, why am I gonna it's four minute fucking eclipse For what and then he you know then the chair stays out there cuz no one's gonna bring it down again And then the next time I'm gonna need it I Gotta go lug it go up there and drag it down. That's what I'm thinking So I'm even more of a bitch than you

I'm a true asshole. Because I'm thinking like two steps ahead of like my life will be so inconvenienced by this. Intentionally so. I'm such a piece of shit. A few weeks ago, we told the story of the Thai soccer orgy. Pretend that I'm licking your balls or your penis or your anus or something. Go ahead. Go ahead.

If you Google that, you know there's a video, right? What? Yeah. You can Google the video. Thai soccer orgy. Yeah, yeah. That's them. Oh, yeah oh that's the real footage right you got the audio oh that's sad they're like being mean Fucking chew on that shit. Eat shit. Lick that fucking minge. And you.

So this is why they got in trouble. Yeah. Because they got these Thai girls. And then they were super... Yeah, they were mean. So somebody wrote in about it. You can bring that down now. I was kind of liking it.

Jesus, really? Go ahead. Olatami and Christiti. I'll get. It's a good one. Straight to the point. Keep the story high and tight. The international soccer Leicester.

Leicester? City tie orgy is directly responsible for the biggest underdog story in sports. Context, as you might know, the English Premier League Soccer, the last three teams in the league are demoted from the league. The year before the fateful story, Lester City finished their season on an unbelievable run to narrowly escape this demotion and stayed in. They were not very good at all Fast forward to the preseason of the next season the owner of the team who was Thai

Took the team to Thailand for a preseason tour. Of course the orgy happened What you failed to mention is one of the three in the orgy was the coach's son failed to mention is one of the three in the orgy was the coach's son. For some reason, the owner of the team was pretty not chill and shipped all those knuckleheads out and the coach of the team. As a result, he hires a new coach and signs a couple of players to replace those guys. And long story short, next season at 5,000 to one odds, Lester city win the premier league title against some of the biggest, best and

richest soccer teams of all time. Truly inspiring. Wow. Keep it airtight. That's awesome. Yeah. So these guys got kicked out. This orgy needed to happen for greatness to occur.

Well, and the coach needed to see his son be in an orgy and saying awful things. Because you know you have to watch it. Right, it's on his mess, okay? It's on his mess. Yeah, and then that's what happens when you leave. But that's the coolest part, right? Is that you get to see your son in a cool orgy,

be racist. You get to see your son in the change my dye dye pose with a tie hooker eating his ass. And then he's like, that's my son. Yeah. Yeah. And being. Hey smart boy.

Yeah. And being rude to her. Yeah. Yeah. But anyways, I thought it was kind of a beautiful story. That is a nice story. That's a very inspiring story. Is that on your 40 for 40 or what's that show?

30 for 30. 40 for 40. I forget. That's in tennis, 40. Well, it sounds like they need to make a 30 for 30 about it. I I forget. Yeah. That's in tennis, 40. 40 all. It sounds like they need to make a 30 for 30 about it. I think so.

Yeah. I think so. Also, what a great transition. I'm excited to perform in Abu Dhabi soon on May 25th at Etihad Arena. Holy shit. That should be a lot of fun. In Abu Dhabi. Abu Dhabi.

Me and the boys are going over there and then Chrisgingia you're gonna be don't break your Ramadan by eating my boogers on that flight. You're gonna be in whore Lando Florida at the funny bone August 16th and 17 Where do that how was a good drop. Where are the dudes at? Yeah, yeah. Where are the dudes at?

I hope you have a really good time there. I hope you have a really good time there. ChristinaPOnline.com. I hope you have a fucking really good time. In Etihad Arena? That's crazy. Are you doing an arena in Abu Dhabi? Yeah, yeah.

I didn't know that there's that many comedy fanatics. It's a comedy festival. Ah, oh! There's a bunch of people doing shows there. I think I'm doing one, I forget who else. Are you gonna wear the Arab guy dress just to feel it out? Yeah.

What time of year are you gonna be there? May 25th. Ooh, it's gonna be hot as shit. You gotta wear that white dress. I've worn one before. They're fucking, I have, yeah. Oh, when you went to visit fucking... Where? With your fucking whore? What's...

Yes. What was her... Where was this again? I don't fucking remember. Could it remind me again where he spent his fucking German whore? Tunisia. Tunisia! It's super comfortable. And your balls breathe.

It's very nice and your balls breathe. It's very nice. With the playoffs heating up, now is the perfect time to get in on the action with my partners at DraftKings Sportsbook. Right now, all new customers who bet just $5 on anything will get $150 in bonus bets instantly. So what are you waiting for? Download the DraftKings app now and sign up using my promo code MOM.

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Go to Shopify.com slash moms house now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify.com slash moms house. Good. Yeah. Good. I like the head wrap too, I wear that too. You did not.

I did. Are you allowed to even though you're not an Arab man? Yeah, an Arab person put it on me. Yeah. Okay, as long as that's respectful. Well, I mean, you're not doing it to, like I wasn't doing it as a costume. I was just like, yeah, what do you wear? And then they then they threw it on well, you figure they've been in that climate for

There's a reason why they're doing it. It works. Yeah, they're like this is how you keep your balls so clean and fresh In the desert they're not Indian the fucking desert I'll do it's Arab in the desert. They're not Indian. They're in the fucking desert. I'll do it's Arab. What is it? Gdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdgdg Tunisian and what I'm talking about I'm talking about Abu Dhabi. First of all one of the most common things you hear in the Arabic accent is the use of the instead of the and the instead of the. The man, the girl, I sing, you sing, the choice more like it's the sermayeh. The funny thing is that the letter the and the exist in the Arabic language in the form of Thel and Thu But in many regions of the Middle East they've been dropped and replaced simply by Z and Su In the same way for example in Latin America Thu and Thu in Spanish were also dropped

So like Manzana for example or Corazon became Manzana, Corazon I guess they just don't think that sounds They don't think that sounds In the Arabic language there is no letter P So the P is replaced by B Gimme the bacon powder The police is no letter P. So the P is replaced by B. Gimme the bacon powder. The police is here. Police, come, come right now.

You also gotta roll that R. Right now. Right now. Right now. Next, verbs. Sometimes in Arabic and its regional dialects, we don't even use verbs altogether, okay? So we have nominal sentences or non-verbal sentences.

And obviously, that carries over into the English language. What this why you hear the sky blue see no need very more simple like this yeah although you'll see that in the English language as well example when you say true that instead of that's true true that or things like out of many one or the more the merrier and I believe that's inspired from Latin which also uses a lot of those sentence structures, those nominal sentences for like poetic effect or, and this is slogan like effect. This is also interesting.

Vino veritas. Badi badi. It means in wine there's Jews. We need to turn this shit off, we got it. Yeah, this guy's great by the way, that was a great explanation. Yeah, this is perfect, badi. So there's a great similarity

between some of the Latin languages, right? So Italian, Portuguese, French, Spanish. Great similarity between some of the Latin languages, right? So Italian, Portuguese, French, Spanish. Spanish though has the greatest number of Arab words because the Moors invaded and lived there for six, seven hundred years. So in Spanish you have a bunch of actual Arabic influence that doesn't exist in Italian and French and Portuguese. Very interesting Thomas. Wow, look at you. So the two languages that are the most similar of those Latin ones are actually Spanish and

Portuguese. I did not know that. But the Sans, the Arab influence. Wow. Although some, right? Because Portugal is right there next to Spain, so there is some, but more so in the Spanish language. Very exciting. How about that? It's very interesting. You didn't think you'd learn shit today,

but you just fucking did. You fucking learned that shit. What about their foods? Did the Arabs bring their foods? Of course, of course they did, yeah. The course they did? Yes. What about Ibiza?

They have those. What about Ibiza? What about Ibiza? Spain. I hate when people say Ibiza. I hate it. Why? I hate it. And I'm sure this is not,

I know it's like the proper way, right? The Catalan way, Ibiza. Ibiza? Yeah, but like Europeans will be like, we're going to Ibiza for, and I'm like, don't say it like that. They're just trying to be authentic. Don't be super gay about things.

You know? Don't say it super gay? Ibiza. Just say Ib things. You know, don't say it's super gay. Just say Ibiza. We know what to say it the right way. You know, the right way. The English speaker way. Say it like me. Yeah.

Don't try to say it like them. Yeah, that's right. If that's all those all the fucking Spanish word, you know, Ibiza. It just sounds ridiculous. You don't speak Spanish. You can do it. I can't do it. And apparently, it's stupid.

French and English share a lot more words than you think about French and English. Yes Well, I know jeans. They just say jeans Well, I don't think that's what they meant, but they they share a lot of words like what I don't know I don't know that they do. Oh Okay, like there's words that are, you know, shared between the two languages. So it's supposed to be a language that as an English speaker, you would have easier access to. Interesting. But the pronunciation is much more difficult. In French, it's so hard.

French words are very... Just the way they use their mouth. Yes, it's not... And their throat. Yeah. Yeah. Ooh, wikibobby. Wikibobby.

Yeah, like what he does. That shit. Yeah. Yeah. Wicky Bobby. Wicky Bobby. Yeah. I like what he does. Yeah. Yeah. Equip. Yeah. Do it. Equip. What's this? Oh, burlitz. Similarities. Simularities. OK. Oh, a la carte. A la carte. Menu. Menu.

Apertif. Oh, apertif. Diner. Croissant. Salad. Croissant. Soup. Bisc. Apertif. Oh, apertif. Diner. Crason. Salad. Crason. Soup. Bisc. Omelette.

Bon appetit. Order. Vinagrette. Restaurant. Cordon bleu. Alcohol. Chef. Couton.

Maître de l'hôtel. Café. Soufflé. Alain mode. Soumolié. Wait, hold on though. I might argue that these are French words that we use in English. Interchanging, I'm saying. That's right.

Bechamel sauce, very delicious, hard to make, hard as shit, I tried it. Somalier. Hard. But you're seeing, there's a lot. Oh yeah, we use these god damn words. We use these motherfucking words. Fucking words and shit.

Soufflé. Cornichon, you're a big fan. I fucking love me. I just love pickles, I'm a lover Souffle. Cornichon, you're a big fan. I fucking love me. I just love pickles. I'm a lover of all pickles. Cornichons. Koldesak. A koldesak.

Yeah. Yeah, cool. More. Impass, arcade, gage. Garage. Chienema. Does they say chienema? Italians do.

Yeah. And there's more. Sans fart. Silhouette, petit, faux. Eau's more. Sans farts. Silhouette. Petite. Faux. Haut de toilette. Boutique. Blouse. I mean how many fucking examples you need?

Chic. Lingerie. God damn it. Robe. Decolette. Oh wait! There's more! Art Nouveau. Avant-garde. Film noir. Brunette. Blieu sans critique chauffeur Oh you still doubt? L'as-et-faire genre de vivre? Faut pas? Voyeur?

I think I'm good. I got it. Hot Porry. Bon voyage. Cliché. Yeah. Respondu s'il vous plait. RS. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good.

Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good.

Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good.

Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. My brain just fucking exploded. Bro, me too. You know what? That whole fucking discussion was worth it just to learn. Just to learn. Respond day CVP. That RSVP. Don't forget the RSVP and none of us were ever like,

what does that stand for? Yeah, yeah. Not one time in my 44 years was I like, what does RSVP mean? I would think it means like, reserve please, like as short, like FGT RTD. Respond soon, very please. That's exactly what I would say, Tammy.

Really, seriously, very please. Your favorite monage de toi. Oh, my favorite. Bouquet. I've never even, bouque, bouque, yeah? A bouquet, bouquet of flowers, yeah. Voila. A coup d'état.

Savoir faire. I got it. Okay. I get it. Vois la. A coup d'etat. Savoir faire. Mm-hmm. I got it. Okay. I get it. Keep going. Rendez-vous. Début. Protégé.

Souvenir. Okay. Bizarre. Moving along. Brunette. That is a French word, too. And I was watching carte blanche. I like that one.

Oh, you love that one. Apropos. I say that on this show. People get very upset with me. You say it so much. Why do you say apropos with that? I'm not saying that. I'm saying carte blanche. I like that one. Oh, you love that one Apropos on this show people get very upset with me. You say it so why you say apropos with regards to you fucking dilettantes Excuse it boy. Everyone says that excuse him one to say to what about douche sabotage douche Mirage douche isn't up there. Do you side in German is to shower. I always thought that was funny concierge

Are you still doubt it you still don't think that there's any similar words that we share Well fucking scroll a little more because she doesn't seem to believe anything Okay, that's it. That guy's not attractive All right, let's wrap this up and That guy's not attractive. All right, let's wrap this up. And we'll be right back. And we're back, and joining us is the host of Harlan Highway podcast.

He has an upcoming movie called Wingman. It's Harlan Williams, everybody. Oh, my god, Harlan. Wow. Thank you. Thank you. Hair looks great. We were just saying how natural and great it looks.

Oh, I mentioned it's a wig. And we agreed we weren't going to talk about my wig. I was just going to, I thought we were going to keep it as just the hair, man. You don't have to say that it's a wig. And we agreed we weren't gonna talk about my wig. I was just gonna, I thought we were gonna keep it as just the hair, man. You don't have to say that it's a wig. Oh, yeah, thanks, man. Back it up, all right. Thanks.

Hey man, your hair looks great. Thanks. There you go. I call this look the Dairy Queen blizzard because it's got kind of a swirl, you know? Yeah, it looks good. Like, have you threw nuts in my hair and put a cherry on my head

and put whipped cream all over my face, dude, could you tell the difference? No, you look delicious. Like if me and you went camping, I would call you Big Tommy and you could call me Peanut Buster Parfait Boy. If you wanted, I'm just throwing stuff out there. That would be our call signs.

Yeah. What would my call call signs. Yeah. Yeah. What would my call sign be, Harlan? Well, we only go camping guy, guy. We don't do girl, girl. I'm a handsome woman, though. You are. I'm getting older and looking more mannish. Yeah.

Right? I guess Larry. Oh, thanks. Good Larry. Big Tom, Larry. Thank you. Peanut buster parfait boy. This Tom, Larry. Thank you. Peanut Buster parfait boy.

Would we all, this is just hypothetical. Would we all like squeeze into the same sleeping bag? I think so, because it's cold out. OK, so we wouldn't do sepies? I think depends on the temperature. Yeah. It's all temperature dependent. So let's say it's fall.

OK. The leaves are turning. The rut's happening. You know what the rut is. What's that? Tom. That's when the hoofed animals mate, it's called the rut. Oh, okay. Oh yeah. Whoa, guy, maybe we better go camping in the spring.

Okay. If you're not familiar with the fall rut. I know, and how cold do you think it is in the fall rut? Well, you're getting into the 60s. Oh, that's fine. Okay. I think it is in the fall rut? Well you're getting into the 60s. Oh that's fine. Okay. I think we're in separate bags. We're in separate bags. Seppies. Now we get into November. November we're gonna snuggle in together. We're gonna double up. Double up. February? February we're like. Tripsies. Yeah. But do they make snuggle, snuggle bags for two grown men? Yeah. Yeah.

They do, and they're already lined with margarine. It's unbelievable. I can't believe it's not butter camping line is unbelievable. It's good stuff? It's great. Wow. Is that Canadian made? It's Canadian and Fabio's the spokesperson.

Wow. You guys should do a commercial together. Who says we haven't, guy? Sorry, I didn't see it. Yeah, he taught me how to say it. I used to pronounce it, I can't believe it's not butter, but he taught me to say it the way you're supposed to. A-cal-blee-la-la-la-la.

Like kind of a Dementoid with a face brace and their head stuck under a toilet in a New York subway. A-cal-blee-la-la-la-la. That's the Fabio way. Yeah can't believe I'm by that. That's the Fabio way. Yeah. Yeah. Makes it more appealing. Thanks.

Yeah. What are you doing tonight? I don't have any plans. Do now, guy. Okay. I can't believe I'm by that. Do you like that butter? I don't think I've ever had it.

You've never had it? Can we not call it butter first of all? It's more like a submarine petroleum paste. Yes, yes. Like if a gasket ever broke in a submarine, they'd put a crown blue blah, blah, blah all over it. Yeah, that's true. You know what though?

I love it in a spray and I spray it on my toast all the time. I thought you were gonna say I spray it on my toes. I spray it on my toes and I let the dog lick it. Wow. And she loves it. Is it really good? It's delicious. I mean, have you ever had butter?

Yeah. Then it's not as good. I churned my own, by the way. You churned your own butter? Yeah, I love it. But you grew up on a farm. Well, I was there for a little while. Yeah.

But I'll tell ya, you churn your own butter. First of all, it's a good workout. Well, friend of yours. It's rude. But here's the thing, butter is what? Calories, right? Right. So if you want to even it out, you get to churning nice and hard, and then

you're burning off the cows that you're going to have. Then you can eat the butt and it's a zero zero compromise. Are you a butt eater? Excuse you? You cannot ask Sweet Harlan that question. I didn't mean, I meant it as shorthand for butter. Oh, so butter. Oh.

I'm a butter eater. Oh gosh. Depends if it's been wiped. Yeah. But yeah, if it's nice and clean, I'll eat some butter. Yeah. You son of a trickster. Talking Donnie Wordsmith over here

at seven in the morning on a Thursday. Sweet corn on the cob, stuck in Sarah Jessica Parker's dirty black pirate gums. God, that creepy girl. I know, right? You ever see her roll a cob of corn? No. In some of the outtakes? No.

She used to have sex in the city. She used to go to her trailer and she loves corn on the cob and someone I guess hit a camera in her trail. She just twirled them and it ripped and some of her teeth flew off and stuck into the wall of her star trailer. That's what you said, she has black gums.

Black pirate gums, yeah. Gingivitis and halitosis, like the duo. It's both for her. It's what they say, I'm not saying it. You didn't say it, I know you just. They are, whoever they are. That's awesome. You got your root beer?

No way, cream soda. Cream soda, so good. Do you love it? Love cream soda, yeah soda. Oh. Cream soda, so good. Do you love it? Love cream soda, yeah. Me too. It's like a refreshing. And it's nostalgic kind of thing. Yeah, did you drink it as a kid?

Of course, yeah. It's a treat. Talk to me. Can you tell me a little story? I think a glass bottle, I think, okay. It was, for me, 1987. Okay. I went to Hilton Head, South Carolina,

and there was a, took a bike ride, and at the end of the bike ride, we ended up at like the beach there, and they had a stand where you could get treats, ice cream treats, sodas and stuff, and I said, I'll try the cream soda. And it was a game changer. That was your first time?

Yeah, yeah. I felt like- How old were you, Tom? I think I was about eight or nine, yeah. Wow, those are the prime, they say, like I don't know if you ever read B.F. Skinner or any of the family psychologists, but they say eight or nine are the formative

cream soda years for developing children. Core memories, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now is that your favorite soda? It's one of them. Now is that your favorite soda? It's one of them. How would you rank sodas?

I gotta probably say Coke's my top one. Classic. Yeah. The real deal. Yeah. None of this other bullshit. None of that stuff. I don't even see that stuff.

DC Coke Zero. Hold on. Have you ever tried a cactus cooler? Yeah, cactus cooler's one of mine. That's like the best. How about when you go to movie theaters and they have the Coke machine that will do any flavor? Too many choices.

And you do cherry vanilla. Oh, wow. Are you telling me that you mix the. It's an option. The cherry, you mix it or it's one thing. Cherry vanilla. No, no, you can select of all the difference and then you can have and you get cherry and then it's like do you want cherry? Vanilla you select that and it comes out. Yeah, but there's like 80 flavors in there. Yeah, what you get is is Subsidiary drip you get some so you'll get a coke that tastes like a root beer with a splash of orange crush with mr

Pibb and a little hint of grape crush. The mistake there is if you have too little. So that's why you gotta do like 64 ounces, something to really refresh you. That is too much. If I wanna suck on a rainbow, I'll wait till a rainstorm. I mean, that's just. We try all 127 flavors.

That's crazy. Like how do you clean that pipe between every squirt? He's right Do you have some insider knowledge as to how these machines work you speak like you know? Well, yeah, I stand there and press the button Never built one of these Maybe I haven't what's in the back there things on your podcast. I'm not gonna talk about Also, you don't want to fuck Coke. If there's one thing.

Yeah it stings, you get it in the hole. Holy God does it sizzle. It does, it does. But it gets rid of any STDs. Does it? Yeah and the sperm love it, cause it foams up, you'll just see them woo! They're like riding around like they're at a fucking

water park, those little white albino polywog freaks. It's true, it'saks. That's true. That is true. You do speak the truth, Harland, if it's one thing about you. Yeah. There's no other way. There's no, why lie? There's so, you guys know, there's so much BS in the world.

Let's just like say things as they are, speak the truth. And I think the world will be a better place. You realize that us and also a lot of other parents have heard your voice probably second only to your immediate family because of Puppi Dog Pals. Okay. I thought you were talking about the peeping Tom thing. Well that's another, that's a different,

that's not the parents, that's a different group. Okay, yeah, Puppi Dog Pals, man. Your kids love it. See you later's not okay. That's a different. Okay. Yeah puppy dog pals, man Your kids love it. You later pops. Come on. See you later pops. There it is. Yeah, dude Pops will play it's one of those things you discover you forget that you know people in these things and then you have kids and you're Like alright, you're looking for shows and then they're like this one. Yeah, like I know that guy and they're like, you know that guy You're like, yeah, I know that guy. Yeah. Oh, for sure. That's the fun part of what we do. It's like, you'll go to a movie, you'll see something and you go, oh, wait a minute.

I did a thing with him like six years ago. We did a thing at a publicity. Like it's so odd. Sometimes you forget. Like I just saw, this is a sad one, but I saw a video clip of Sinbad, you know, the comedian. Yeah, of course, Sinbad's the greatest. Yeah, he was amazing and he's really sick.

And I look at him and oh my God, and then I flashed back to me and him did another animated series for Disney called Slacker Cats back in the day. And it's just, it was one of those ones where we had to do it together. So it's just me and him, he's a giant guy. And they put us in this little sound booth.

And we'd been in there for hours. It was like stuffin' two hostages in a refrigerator. Or a meat locker. And then it's like, you see them and you go, man, and you think of the good times you had with them. Yeah, I hope he's okay, poor guy. Yeah, poor guy. I think he had a stroke.

Oh, I didn't know. That sucks. Man, he's such a talented dude. Really? Yeah, poor guy. Yeah, I think he had a stroke. Oh, I didn't know that. That sucks. Man, he's such a talented dude. Really? Yeah, yeah. This is why I discourage people to go canoeing because just one wrong stroke and fuck. Everything can go downhill from there.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Bingo and- And really. And there Bingo and roll away. And roll away. And I just think I can chew. And there's a guy named Bob.

Go ahead, you know the word. When Bob's away. The puppies will play. See you later pups. Ruff, ruff, ruff. Pup, pup, pup, puppy dog pals. Puff, puff. Ruff, ruff.

Oh, we are. We've played puppy dog pals a lot and Tom and I will anger Julian because Tom will be like I'm Yeah, I'll be like I'm being oh really he'll be like the fuck you're not bingo. I go. Yeah. I am I'm more. I'm most like bingo Just to irritate He's like I'm being I'm like I already took it. You're somebody else. You're wrong. I love it. And then he'll start crying.

So I'm like, all right, all right, you're bingo. You're bingo. I like to get it to tears before I go. My little animated show is causing early family divisions. I love it. It was meant to bring families together, but we figured out the other way. One of the most fun things to do with kids

is like find something that they take pride in and be like, I'm better at that than you are. They're like, you are not. I am, actually. Yeah, but then what happens is they grow. They have that growing spurt. Your guys are probably this tall. They're little dudes now.

Soon they're going to be tall. And then it comes around where they can do everything better. Or they're just smarter. Ellis's math is very advanced now like he's doing fractions What I don't understand his homework now The way that we did math and subtraction I didn't know it totally changed so when you add We were taught that you add from the furthest number to the right, you know You add those two and you carry numbers over they don't do that. What do they do?

They they start at the front and I'm like, what do you mean and they figure out? like they figure out if it says like Like the hundreds place the tens. Yeah, so like 54 plus What's let's say let me write it down So if you go like I've seen him do problems and I'm like, I don't understand this at all. So let's do it. You don't, for real.

No, no, no, you're like, wait. I've had him explain new math to me multiple times and I still don't get it. But don't you have to fake it? Cause you don't want your kid to think that they're smarter than you. Yeah, I just kinda go, show me how you did that. I tell him, I'm like, I don't know shit about fuck.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. You said that to your kid? Yeah, I'm all fuck, I don't know shit about fuck. I'm a little stupid. You said that to your kid? Yeah, I'm all fuck, I don't know shit, dude. What the HR puffin' stuff. What? So he does stuff like this, right? So like this says- Fuck stop, teacher over here.

You can't see it, but it says 89 plus 112. So in old school you'd go, well nine and two, it's 11, so you put a one here and you'd carry it over. They go, how many does it take to get 89 to 100? So what would it take? It would take 11, right? So they would subtract 11 from this. So he goes, that's 100.

This becomes 112 minus 11, which is 101. So then they do 101 plus 100. That's how they do math. I glazed out as soon as you showed me the thing on paper. I seem to do it so many times now. I'm like, wait, you don't do it like this. And he's like, no. And he does it in his head like super fast.

I'm like, okay, all right, cool, man. You're doing that, by the way, the way he's adding, I'm like, I think I was doing that three years after you. That's crazy. But I can still fuck them up physically. So, right now. And I'm a better speller still. Yeah, the closest I got to all that mathematics stuff

is when I was a kid, I used to get isosceles triangles and stab them into Jack O'Lantern's eyes so it looked like they were wearing sunglasses. That's pretty cool, dude. It is pretty cool. Yeah. Well, if people are gonna laugh, maybe this isn't the podcast for me. So it looked like they were wearing sunglasses. That's pretty cool. That is pretty cool. Yeah Well, if people are gonna laugh, maybe this isn't the podcast for me. Yeah, that's true It's not the way to do it. I got something that shouldn't make maybe we'll make you laugh. Oh, wow. Here we go

Okay, I'll show you a clip. Okay, you'll show me your what a clip. Oh, okay, and you tell me whether it's horrible or Hilarious Either makes you laugh wait as I get it. Yeah you but you weigh in you tell us why it's one of them I say speak first before yeah else. Yes. Okay. You're the voice of reason here, which can't where am I looking? Okay, just look at that screen right there. Okay. Okay. Are you allowed to do a combo? Like a chicken and rib platter? So it's hilarious and then it's horrible. Because tell the audience that's listening what's going on.

Well, somebody slipped and we always love it when humans fall. It's always great. As long as it's not us. Even it can be an old lady, it can be a baby. Like farting and falling, the two F's. Always laughs. Hilarious. But when a railing goes up under your armpit

and into your lymph node. And pierces the skin. Pierces the skin and disrupts your circulatory system. Not quite as hilarious. Why's there no blood? That description was. So we'll stamp it hilarious. Good job, Harlan.

And let's show the guy from Hellraiser with the nails in his face. He'd love that. To him, that's Rodney Dangerfield. He listens to the show. He was- He's gonna love this. Nail Face, what's his name?

What's his real name, sorry. Pinhead. Pinhead. Would you love to take that guy to Home Depot and just take him down the tool aisle? Doug Bradley. Shout out to Doug Bradley for this show. What is his name?

Yes. I don't know if Doug works well with a guy that's got 800 nails in his face. I think Nail Face works a lot better. Nail Face, yeah. Is that his Christian name? This guy, by the way, was airlifted to Baptist South Medical in Montgomery, Alabama.

Oh, I hope so. And he later passed away there. Oh, stop. No, he didn't. He didn't. He was shit. He was, he's okay. Oh, God, this made me... I just got the chills. How come there's no blood, dude? Why is there no blood? It's coming. It's coming. It's coming.

The body's going, oh, is this where the opening is? Yeah. And look at everyone behind him. Look at the girl with the glasses howling. They're howling. And this guy's never gonna be able to put his arm down again. The only thing he'll be good at is sitting in the front car of a rollercoaster. Cuz his arm will be permanently up, that DO sniffing whore. Can you take it off please? Okay, here we go, next one, next one. Ready, focused, here we go. Yeah, here we go. Yeah, here we go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. down if he was and I'm looking at the physics of this the way your son would yes if he landed on a concrete mound but the the dirt is the sand is really not

that high I mean you can see the brick floor right here yeah and that scream isn't because it feels good it's definitely imagine if you could pan right and there was a tube up his armpit. Oh my God. And then the other guy was there and they were holding hands. This guy's fucked up. By the way, they tell you, because in case you start operating these again, they tell you that if you tip on this.

I start operating these? Yeah, yeah. You always stay in the cabin. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, you never jump out. So you roll with the equipment protecting you. Look at the cabin shut the fuck. Yeah, you never do you roll with like Protecting you yeah, okay. We see it all again. You're like race car cages. They're reinforced Yeah, he did the number one thing just don't leave the vehicle

He probably also wasn't strapped in which he should be lost you can see almost like gravity sort of pushed them out almost Right. He's not buckled in and they then he's like, oh, this is tipping? I'll just jump out of here. Yeah, and correct me if I'm wrong, didn't look like a professional operator of this equipment. No, no. Wasn't wearing the protective gear. None of the gear.

Probably a rich kid who wanted a really big sandbox. Oof. But it reminds me, it's that same scream, remember in a quiet place when Emily Blunt stepped on that nail and screamed? It's the same sort of quiet place step on a nail scream. And the kid looked like, I don't want to be mean, but just looking at the kid in those Bermuda shorts,

I think we all know he had it coming. He did. This was like destiny. Ah, he got me! Ah! This is just other screams we have. Oh, with a helicopter in the background? From other videos, yeah, yeah.

Ah! That's a good one. That guy's, yeah. That sounds like a man giving birth. Ah! Ah! Yeah. Oh.

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Yeah! Ah! Ah! Yeah. Dolly Parton with diarrhea again. Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Yeah. Oh! Jesus Christ! Ha ha ha! You'll hear that in any Motel 6.

Check this. Any night through the drywall, you'll hear that every time. This is from Motel 6. Come on, come on, one time. Ha ha ha! Yeah. Ah! Ah! Ah! Check this. Any night through the drywall, you'll hear that every time. This is from Motel 6. Come on, come on, one time. Yeah.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. That's real pain. Yes. That's when you can't actually. The wind knocked out of you. Yeah, that's actually Motel 6, but through the drywall, Helen Keller making love, yeah. Wow.

Here we go, here's another one, Gene. Oh, these are fun. Yeah. Oh, this is gonna go great. This is awesome. That should be your promo for Abu Dhabi. Look, if that is not water, this ends so differently. You realize that?

Yeah. Like right on the concrete, it's fucking game over. He pops up. He's like, that's crazy, man. Well, my favorite part is just as he hit the peak of being airborne. If you look, a seagull's coming in. Yeah. What's the seagull doing? Wait, people can fly. It's just like if you watch, there's a bird comes right in at his eye level.

It's like if you watch, there's a bird comes right in at his eye level. Fuck. Whoa! There's the bird, see a bird? The bird's like, I'm fucking outta here. Where is this? I'm flying so thoroughly. You're right, if he didn't land in the water,

just so many bones broken. He landed on his back, just broken. No injuries. Just so lucky. No injuries at all. That's what it says. I mean, I. Oh man, that's almost making them look good. Yeah It does. Yeah, he's like you wanna see that shit again. Here we go. Yeah again. No seatbelt. Oh my god. Oh

My god, oh my god the trains coming Awesome! Oh shit! Oh wow! Dude! How cool would it be if Wesley Snipes was driving that truck and he jumps out and he goes, I'm Blade. That'd be fucking cool. That'd be very cool. That'd be very cool. Cause that's a big blade. That is. I never understand trying to beat the train. Never. Like, why?

I got it. It's like, you're driving a fucking 200 foot, you know, bed on this. What is, what are you doing? It has to happen all the time, cause they make such a big deal out of it. Sometimes it's just like a car who's like, oh, I'll beat the train. What are you doing? Just wait it out, man. But what's sort of weird though, when you think of the dynamics of a blade,

like a super huge long blade, I would have liked it more if it sort of cut the whole top off of the, like the train went by and you just saw the top of the train fly off like that. Yeah, yeah. That makes more sense in my head. Oh, I see what you're saying, yeah.

As opposed to the train being the winner here, I think the blade should have won. And it just tells me that that's a cheap blade probably made in China. That's just Chinese blade. If that was an American blade, that train would have been the first convertible train. Look how long that is, man.

Yeah. Yeah, they can't beat the train. Look how long that is. Ah! You know the pan, I wish I could bottle up the panic that driver felt right then when he's like, oh, like he doesn't know when it's going to end. What I love though is how trains like it never seems to matter what's on that track. It could be an elk or a Sherman tank.

They always just go right through it. Like I can't believe it's not, like it's insane. They always win. They always win. They always win. Fuck. Wow. That's pretty cool, Tom.

I feel like I've waited my whole life to see that though. I don't think, I've never seen that before. You haven't? No, I've never seen a train cut some shit in half like that. Like that's pretty dope. I feel like I never get to see it. Yeah. I've wanted to.

This is a special day. Mm-hmm. Treat. Yep. I swear to God. Unbelievable. Have you ever seen a train cut something like that? I've seen it hit animals and cars, yeah.

In real life? No, videos. I saw it. What animal did you see? A sheep. Oh, Jesus. No. What happened to the sheep?

Did it go flying or was it splattered? It splats. Like a dragonfly on a window. And then the other sheep go like. And they go right back. They just like to go, holy sheep. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Play on words. I deserve to get hit by a train after that one. That was pretty good. Yeah. You been to Target lately? I've been to Target a lot, yeah. Yeah. Did you check out how bullshit their plus-size section is

It's so fucked up here. It's actually target. What the hell? This is literally the plus-size section This is literally it. This is it has like sprinkled in like mediums and other things like aren't even plus-size Okay, this is the tenth non plus-size item thing. I've seen in the plus-size section. What is plus-size looks like this Like it thinks but no, thanks Non plus size item thing I've seen in the plus size section. What is plus size looks like this Like things with no things Yeah, I mean first of all do you have to look like the floor or Terminator 2 rose up remember? When the security guy was at the coffee machine. Yeah, and the Terminator came up out of the floor Hey, that's the fucking floor. Maybe she's a huge fan Looks like she should get she's a huge fan.

Looks like she should get hit by a huge fan. She's like that train. But I mean, I should should Bob's Bob's big boy be shopping. That's what I want to know. Yeah, there it is. Yeah, there's the Terminator. She's wearing the Terminator path. How funny would it be if the Terminator came right over her crack

right now? Hey, fatty, let's go to the cafeteria. Such a fucking great movie. This is the second one and it crushed so hard. Dude, all of them were kind of rad, right? The first one was like a game changer, especially concept. This one completely broke everybody's boundaries and mind on what special effects can do.

Plus the story was unbelievable. Oh, do I even want to go into it? What? So my brother did that liquid terminator guy. What do you mean? Did him. He created him. He did?

Yeah. Your brother's a special effects guy? He invented that Yeah. Did him. What do you mean? He created him. He did? Yeah. Your brother's a special effects guy? He invented that stuff. No shit. What? He did the T-Rex from Jurassic Park. What?

Yeah, there's a documentary on him called Jurassic Punk. Check it out, it tells his story. Are you messing with us? No, I'm serial. Pull up Jurassic Punk. I'm totally serial. Steve Williams. That's your bro? That's my, he's not my biological brother, but we went to animation college together.

So everyone, we were roommates and everyone thought, oh, are you guys brothers? And we got tired of saying it. So we just started saying, yeah, we're brothers. And so we've been calling each other brothers all these years. Wow. That's so. But he invented, he created the liquid terminator guy. That blew everybody's mind.

Oh yeah. That was so incredible. That's what this movie's about, how he changed the world. And it still holds up, cause I got into those movies like a year ago or whatever. I rewatched them all. It was still really fantastic. It's amazing. It's a beautiful movie.

It's still terrifying. Was that guy, scroll down again. Oh yeah, Robert Patrick. He was amazing in that. Yeah. So good. Oh my God, yeah. He was great.

Look at that face. Yeah. Just that walk, that walk he did. Yeah, he was so good in that. It's a real flattering image they used for him. Yeah. Really nice for the mouth hanging open. Yeah. Yeah, he was so good in that. It's a real flattering image they use for him. Really nice for the mouth hanging open. Can we get a shot of you in the wind tunnel, Robert? With your psoriasis flare?

You had to do that to him? Hey, let's pick a picture and it's him. Yeah. We all have pictures like that on the internet. They always get the- I know. The worst is when you do a gig. God. Let's say you're going to Abu Dhabi or something.

You ever do a gig there? There's one coming up. No way. How weird, I picked that one. That's a very bizarre thing. Whole planet and I picked Abu Dhabi, but you'll do a gig instead of like asking you for a picture, you'll find like one of the old,

when you're like prepubescent or you look like that. Or they'll just put his picture up. Yeah. That's the poster. And the best part is when somebody will be like, you don't look like that picture. Yeah. And you're like, yeah, that's like 20 years ago.

Like I'm trying to pull the wool over their eyes. Yeah, they think you did it. Yeah, I did, yeah. One time a club, they did what you're doing and they, people, especially with podcasts They Photoshop the shit out of things for fun. Yeah, and the club just didn't look and they they Advertised a show on a photo with me with no eyebrows And then that was on the website and I was like this is what you picked

No, even better our friend Lundy Eric Lundy No, even better our friend Lundy, Eric Lundy, photoshopped one of Tom's headshots with a big dick in it. Yeah. Whoa. And then one of the clubs picked it up and made it the poster for the weekend. Made the poster too, yeah. What? Yeah. Yeah, that's the one.

That's brutal. Look at that. That doesn't even, yeah, that doesn't look like you at all. The eyebrows are a real throw. Like it's, yeah. Tom Segura brought to you this weekend by Sofira. But the dildo one, yeah. Yeah, they had, and they had it pointing to the mouth. Here, it was a big giant purple dildo pointing at my mouth.

What city was this? I don't remember. I'm trying to remember. For real? Yeah, yeah. In 20 year old headshots with a dildo in it. Yeah, they did. What did you say to them?

Yummy. Thanks. Thanks for doing that. Yeah, I did. What'd you say to them? Yummy, thanks. Thanks for doing that. Did you? Yeah, I mean, I'm like, sure. We're gonna get the right crowd, for sure. If you do that, that's gonna be the best one they could get. Dude, look how dark your beard was back then.

Yeah. Oh, God, you looked like you woke up that morning and punched a canoe. That's 17 years ago. Yeah? Yeah. Those are my jeans. And look how years ago. Yeah. Yeah. Those are my jeans. And look how your nose has changed.

She's saying, she tells me how bad I look every day now. That's not true. Not every day. She's like, you got bags under your eyes, your nose is growing. She's like, you have the old, she said I look like John Amos. No.

It's just his nose. Harlan, hold on, just his nose. Look at his nose. She's like, oh, that John Amos,lan. Hold on just his nose. Look at his nose She's like all that Johnny that guy. Oh your nose Yeah growing into a little bit. I think it's a little bit, but I'd say on a scale of 10 like a 2 Thank you not a 10 You don't like that no, it's fine, but you had your your blefs done, right? Your upper and lower. Blefs? What's a blef? You know, your eyes done.

Me? You've had a face lift. I've never had anything done. How do your eyes look so good? Yeah. They do? Yeah, like you don't have any folds hanging over, you don't have bags here. You know, I don't know, it's weird. My uncle just turned a hundred. A hundred? A hundred and he still lives alone, drives, walks around. I don't know, it's weird. My uncle just turned 100. 100? 100, and he still lives alone, drives, walks around. My dad is 96, he lives alone. Oh my gosh. So I've always thought that I was 10 years,

I'm, age-wise I'm a certain age, but I've always felt physically I was 10 years beneath what I actually was aged. It's a little, I think I have a little bit of the Benjamin Buttons thing going, but I've never had anything done ever. And your health is fine. And I never will.

I've never had any health issues ever. Your dad's 96 and your uncle's 100. My uncle's 100 and he was in the Royal Canadian Air Force as a tail gunner and did 43 missions over Germany and lived. Wow. Uncle Bill. And is this your dad's brother? My dad's brother, yeah.

So that side of the family has got something going on. I mean, that's good genetics. Did his parents live long? My grandfather, I think he lived to 80 or something. Right, and that's from that real prior generation. Yeah, that's right. Living to 80 is insane. Yeah, he lived long.

So yeah, but no, I've never had anything done. I wouldn't, I actually like aging. I just did this movie Wingman, and I had to look at all the dailies and everything. And on the screen, I could see sort of these sort of lines, like laugh lines or age lines. I don't know what you call them, but I really liked them. I felt like they made me look worldly and sort of,

I feel like they tell a story. Not that I wanna be an old wrinkly man, but I guess at the stage I'm at now, I sorta dig them. I feel like kinda Robert Patrick without the red flare-up. Looks good, man. You look good. Really? Yes.

I mean, look, I wake up every morning to like, God, look at your face. Come on, Tommy. So she says. So she says it. Every morning. Oh, wow. She's like, when are you gonna make an appointment?

And I'm like, dude, maybe a separate bedroom time. Yes, yes. You could be at that point in your relationship. At least to wake up and start the day decently. Yeah, like, you know what you do? You move into an Ikea and then you have your choice of bedroom. So you could even sleep way down the hall. And this is a great idea.

Thank you. Can we talk about because I it's such a I know you've talked about it before. It's such a legendary scene in whatever you want. It's it's what is it in? Is it in something about Mary or what's the scene? So wait wait wait no is it dumb and dumber? Dumb and dumber what the the the p. Yes So here's the thing I'm curious about oh my god when because like you have your scene

Yeah, it's like this is this is your moment to come in and for people that don't know or need a reminder You pull them over they're driving erratically. They've been drinking They've been drinking beer and pissing in the bottle. Yeah. Yeah, and you're like give me that bottle but Do they do the directors have any idea what you're gonna do? Are you just like I'm just gonna do something? So that was my first movie ever. That's your first movie? Yeah, it was really my first big acting job ever.

Okay. And so I was terrified. I was excited but also terrified. And I'm working with Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels who at that point had been nominated for Oscars. So now here's me, first time ever working with an Oscar winner or nominee. So I was more than a little like, wow, this is wild.

How did you calm, like you just, do you have to do something to calm yourself? I just told myself, I was like, this is my destiny. This is where life's led me. Take it on the horse and ride it. You're not here by accident, you're here to do a job, take this moment and seize it. I was nervous but not like, you know, to disable me.

Right. It just sort of got my energy going like, let's go, let's go out, it's like game time sort of that mentality. Real like. Now that being, let's go out. It's like game time sort of that mentality. Real like, now that being- I earned this. Yeah, and that being said, I was new to it all. And so we went out there and we did that scene and the directors, Peter and Bobby Fairley said,

you know, Harland, let's go. And we did it about maybe four or five times. And I was like, okay. And then I walk over to them and Peter says, okay, now do it the Harland way. And I go, what, what do you mean? And they go, do it the Harland way. And I go, what are you talking about?

And then he said it a third time and I didn't ask again. I just went, they want me to do whatever I do. And so I went in and I did it again and I just improvised it. And that's what's in the movie? Half of it. I'd say about exactly about 50% of that is improvised. And then the big one was they had come to see me do standup.

Peter and Bobby Fairley had come to see me do standup in Hollywood. And at the time, I do that famous thing where I drink the beer and I go. know, I do that famous thing where I drink the beer and I go, I do that noise. That came from, they saw me in Hollywood and at the time, this was what, in the late 80s or the early 90s?

It's 94, yeah. Yeah, so Whitney Houston's song, I Will Always Love You was out. It was a huge hit and I used to do a joke that, you know, her register would get higher and higher. I will always love you. And I used to do jokes, she'd go so high that she'd go into dolphin noises like whale noises.

Oh. I will always love you. And I did that. They were there that night. So after I had improvised about three or four takes, they said, let's do one more. And he says, do your noise. And I go, what noise? He goes, the whale noise. And I go, where? He goes, I don't know. You just do it. And that is such an, that's the iconic part of that.

Right. And so I thought, I'm never going to drink pee. Most people in their life will never drink pee. So I thought, what reaction would a human body have to drink such a foreign substance? So I thought that's when I'll do it. So I just like grabbed the thing. I was like. You know, like I switched it around a little bit. I was like, I had to like, I realized this is little bit like yeah I had to like I realized this is a foreign taste I have to I have to take it in yeah and then

once I took it in I go well what's the reaction how's my body gonna react to human pee and so it's like where it came from tear inducing I mean I remember thank you oh my god this movie we just watched it again but then it takes you back to watching it the first time. And that for me was like one of those formative comedies. And this scene absolutely killed you. And our kids were rolling, dying watching you do that. Wow, well I gotta give,

I gotta give thanks to those guys for letting me. Yeah, and encouraging it. Yeah, because as a first time movie, it was not in my brain to start improvising. And what was really fun is to, you know, some of the improvs, I wish I could go back and look at the outtakes because they had me do it a number of times. I think they just had me do it because every time I did something new and I think they were getting amused. But what was great is there's a number of takes where I busted Jim and Jeff off.

Like we had to stop the take because I busted Jim and Jeff off. We had to stop the take because I made them laugh. That's awesome. That's cool. And that felt really good. That had to make you feel amazing. Yeah, it just, I mean, I didn't want to because I knew it's like we're rolling.

I was sort of scared, but I couldn't stop. It was just flowing out of me. Sure. And I got them. And I just, that was a great memory. And thank you for the compliment. Yeah, of course. I appreciate it. And now it must also blow your mind to learn

that drinking urine is actually so beneficial. Is it? Urine therapy is wonderful. You can bathe in it, you can drink it, you can actually insert it rectally. It has so many healing properties. It's really, really good for you. Come on now.

I swear. Oh yeah, we talk about it a lot. How do I find that? How can I show him? I thought it was only good for like if he got stung by a jellyfish Well that too. We'll see that's just the beginning if you go into that played Folder at the bottom and okay. Yeah. Yeah. Let me see here. There's another folder. Yeah This is so it's so good for you, man. So good. Yeah. Come on. So me and Brian Crue just taught a really juicy

anus workshop today and got a little bit into the prostate too and that caused some pre-cum to be secreted from my manhood. So a little bit of sperm tip toe, a little bit of testosterone, a little bit of spermidine, which is good for muscle growth. A little bit of nerve growth factor, which is really good for your brain

and your nervous system. Yeah. What else came out? A little bit of vitamins, minerals, oxytocin, a bonding hormone, which lowers cortisol. So not only am I getting the benefit of the urine therapy, which is powerful on its own, the Shivambu, I should call it. Yep, the Shivambu.

I'm sorry, I forgot that. I'm also getting the benefit of the sperm, the semen, tiny bit of semen that's been mixed in with my urine. Oh, and then, come on, dude. Wow, that's very, very potent. I love this. That looks like an Oompa Loompa that lost his overalls. Okay, like that guy looks creepier than an elf.

Like what the hell, if that's what you look like after drinking urine. It's It's good cream soda. Thanks. So no wonder the yogis have been Much it's not real. Yeah, it's Arlen. That's not real Yeah, BC injecting heavy father and a board of those right into your body so good for you man So good wait, you guys sound like you you haven't done it, have you? Well, I started to after he came on the show and he really changed our perspective.

He came on the show or he came on the show? Well, kind of both. It was. You've drank your own pee now, Tom. Yeah, but I got a full tutorial. I also did ball cupping rituals with him. And yeah, and like, because the Spartans and the and the samurai used to do like lick each other's nipples sniff each other's

taints and stuff I'm serious and you want to build your testosterone if you want a natural build it really is good. You did not drink your own pee Tom. It's good for you. Did you? Well I'm a little scared I'm gonna watch him do it and then I'm gonna do it this week I I've decided for real. I've been cutting out certain things in my diet just to clean my urine up and make it more beneficial. I'm struggling to cut out in and out burger and you guys are drinking your piss. Yeah. Yeah.

Look at this, bro. It's not an accident. Those are piss biceps. Oh wow. Wow. I'll tell you what's good for your piss, cream soda. Is it? You want it to taste good? Sounds like you guys are asking me for something. Yeah, oh that's going to be real nice.

Do you want some later? Well, I have to drink my own. Well, don't be so selfish. That's true. Can I guys share? There's. Well, don't be so selfish. It's true. Can I guys share? There's a little spermidine in there too. Did you really do it? Yeah, it was good.

How much did you drink? Like, maybe three of those. Bottles? Yeah. No, you didn't. How did it taste? It's not that great, but you would think about the benefits as you're doing it, you know? You're listening to this nut on YouTube? Well, he came on the show.

Yeah, but he's a nut. Yeah, you know, potato, potato. You don't know the- He's not like a doctor. He's got a grateful dead flag over his head. Yeah. And he looks like an Oompa Loompa with SARS. You have that?

Dude. I mean. That's in that folder too. Oh it is? Oh, okay. Sorry. Yeah. And you're gonna do it this week? I am. I basically, I'd have to cut out coffee too and I don't want to.

So that's been my struggle cause it just gets too sour and, you know, better. I'm not buying it. That's true. You saw the science. Look at the title, Tom. He's got it. Where is it? Oh. Oh, I got you. Okay. Here. You did this too. This is pretty crazy. Are you ready?

Yeah. This one you can do in your hotel room. Very easy. Oh lordy. What's he doing? I'm not even looking. He has a mantra. Listen to this. I'm not even do in your hotel room. Very easy. Oh lordy. What's he doing? I'm not even looking. He has a mantra. Listen to this book. I can't.

I can't look. Is he putting a pole up his armpit? He's falling out of a girth mover. I did not watch. I did not look at that. Ah I did not watch I did not look at that. That that is scarring Are you playing it again? Yeah, I just wanted to finish. I'm just looking at you Looking at you pitching you deeply in his eyes newman's all limited I'm shameless. I'm fearless. I'm doubtless. There you go. Woo.

It's a great mantra. Shameless, I'm fearless, and doubtless. When you get all of it out, you wanna waste a minute. Is he like ingesting all of his bodily excretions? I think he's trying to have most of them. Because if there is a Lincoln Log episode, I do not wanna, I might have to leave. Yeah.

He doesn't, he doesn't eat the. The poo poo? Yeah. No, not that we know of. Have you seen Naked Martin? No, we don't wanna see that. No, but Naked Martin you have to see. No. Yeah. Come on, man.

Can I look at you? I mean, I can't believe it's not butter. Now I gotta believe this bullshit? Naked Martin's pretty incredible. No, please. Is it a pine Martin or a human Martin? Well, first of all, he's British. So it takes a lot of the oh, yeah Well, he's wishing good luck To you're blurring this stuff, right? Like when you air this you're blurring. It's educational Well, you have it's educational you're allowed to get away with it. Yeah, and the oh, yeah if they're actually teaching you something

Yeah, did you do the last one? Yeah, they got rejected Did you try you drank the pee but did you do the upside down man? We tried to we tried to pass it You ate your own mayonnaise. No, I, no, I haven't done that. No, not yet. Are you going to? I mean, I hope to get there. Yeah, if I become enough of a man. I wish you would do it.

I would laugh. You wouldn't be gross, so you would never kiss his lips again. You think I haven't tasted his stuff already? I've made two of his babies. It's been all over me. Yeah, but to watch him. It's in me, on me.

To watch him fertilize his own face. To spill seed on his own lawn. All right, here's Naked Martin. Was it a poo? No, no. No, look. Oh, God, I think I saw that guy in Burning Man. Look, look, look.

I can't. Just look. Oh, God, I can't look. Harland, come on. I can't. Bingo and Rollywood look. Harland, come on. I can't. Bingo and Rolly would look. Just look. I can't look.

Be brave. No. You're not gonna look at all? Be brave. I'm seeing it in the reflection in your glasses. You're not looking. I see it in the reflection. Just look now.

It's paused. It's fine now. It's not gross. Oh, it's a piece of bread. Yeah, it's fine. Oh, okay. Yeah. Man, that guy really does know how to shit a loaf.

So since you're not gonna watch. No, I can't. I'll tell you. Please. I can't. You tell me, verbalize it. Okay, he takes a dump on the bread perfectly, spreads it around, makes a sandy, cuts it in half, and eats it. We had to pay him a fortune to do it.

You did. $80. What kind of bread, Wonder? It's white bread, yeah. Sarah Lee. I think. It to do it. $80. What kind of bread, wonder? It's white bread, yeah. Sarah Lee. I think it's in bread. Because Pepperidge Farm remembers. I mean, the Pillsbury Doughboy's rolling over

in his yeasty grave right now. He would not like making Martin's videos. You can take it down. Nothing says loving like a shit sandwich. Can we make it? That's their new commercial. Can we make a video for a little? You hit that thing on the counter and a shit pops out. This guy, this guy, he's wild.

Wait, is there another one? No, no, no, this is just a lady who works in a sweatshop that makes a video on TikTok. Oh, okay, That's palatable. I can handle that. Oh yeah, all right, all right, sorry. We actually have to wrap up. We have to wrap up, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Thank God. I've never been on a podcast, but thank Christ. Couldn't happen soon enough. Could we have wrapped up five minutes ago, please? I got some stuff I'll send you. Yeah. You can watch it in private.

I think I already saw it floating in the toilet. Jesus. Tommy. You know what? Forget the camping trip. Yeah, we're not gonna go. No. I've seen, I've learned too much. It's funny because every time I have somebody on they don't want to hang out after. It's already hanging out apparently. Yeah it is. Do you want to see another, want to see something crazy? Yeah. You do? Yeah. You're not watching though. What? Give me a heads up.

Harlan, it doesn't get worse than what we just saw. Okay. Then that. Let go. I thought you said we were having to stop. We do. We do. All right.

Let's see. Okay. But we're not. We're gonna clearly keep it going Right before you come yeah, I'll swallow if I want to I have no problem swallowing I'd stop for a minute and I'd put a big hickey on your inner thigh there and Just suck on that and make it nice and red and let you remember me after I'm gone. Oh, it's normal size. It's not that that big.

Well, the one thing that I'm gonna tell you is that the first time it's gonna be quick with me because it's been a long time. I need it right now. No, I'm not a lobster. I need it right now, okay? What's he doing? He's got a Wendy's drive-through microphone on his mouth.

I am not going to have drive-through ruin for, oh God. Okay. Oh God. I feel like I'm watching Tremors, the fourth one. Give it to me now. Give it to me. The sand worms weren't done quite as well. Come on.

I'm going to put this in your mouth and you're going to have to suck it dry. You're going to just suck it dry, Mark. You got that beautiful mouth. Not looking. And I like how he's threatening Mark with it. It's not that, it is not that big. It's not that big. For Mark to suck it dry is not that big of a deal.

Well, you don't know how much comes out. Wait, who's Mark? This is the guy he's talking to. Dude, you have soiled me for life. I'm so happy. I'm so happy you came today. I'm so happy we did this. Please don't say I came today.

You did come. You're going to come again too. Oh God. Okay, okay, okay. It's over. It's over. Do you have horse blinders or anything? Yeah, yeah.

We could get them. One more reminder, Harlan Williams hosts the Harlan Highway podcast. Not anymore. He has an upcoming movie called Wingman. Are we hitting, what hitting theaters or streamers? We don't know yet. We're just editing it. We're putting it together.

But just quickly before we go, I am bringing back the in that movie. I'm bringing it back. It's amazing. We put it in. Amazing. Very exciting. Thank you for coming. Thank you.

And can't wait to see you again. Thanks for having me. See you at the urinal. OK. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Hey. Hey. Stop. You got that beautiful mouth. You got that. You got that.

You got that. You got that. You got that. You got that. You better not coming up in me. You better believe I'm coming up in me. I would just. I would just. I would just. I would just. I would in me I would just, I would just, I would just, I would just Put your balls in my mouth, put them in my hand and

Suck and suck and suck and Suck and suck and You got that beautiful mouth, you got that d*** Working my way down a little bit Mmm Just a little bit Get on it If you want me to Suck on that And if you want me to Play with your cheeks

I would rub your cheeks And massage your little hole And make you feel You're just it That okay? You're just it Come on Show me that you like me

No Show me that you like me. No, show me that you like me. No, no, suck it dry, you're gonna just suck it dry, Mark. Come on, it's not gonna get hard till I'm ready to come. Give it to me, Mark, don't be stingy. Give it to me, Mark, don't be stingy. That's my hole, that's where it spits. It's not that, that big

You better not come and tap in me You better believe I'm coming up in me I would just, I would just, I would just You got that beautiful mouth, you got that You better not come and tap in me You better believe I'm coming up in me I would just, I would just, I would just I would just, I would just, I would just, I would just, I would just I'm half cut, yeah, cause I got cut when I was adult

The doctor messed it up, I had what they called oriental warts He was supposed to circumcise me, so that I wouldn't have the problems That's as far as he got problems that's as far as you got that's as far as you got oh yeah I just pull the skin forward normally when it's asleep and when it gets big well comes right out comes right out I still don't take anything for enhancement, enhancement, all natural, all natural, oh yeah You better not come and tap in me You better believe I'm coming up in me I would just, I would just, I would just You got that beautiful mouth, you got that mouth You better not come and up in me

You better believe I'm coming up in me I would just, I would just