Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Cousin Jeanette-193-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: January 31, 2014

King A** Ripper has met his match! We ambush Tommy's cousin Jeanette into sitting down in our studio and lettin' em rip and boy does she ever. No, she's not the fart queen, but she is the Prime Minister of Belching. After some poking and pleading she finally and frequently shares her gift with the world. This episode is an instant classic. It has family, filth, WYR, Tom or Black, D**K Detectives, and more. We try to horrify Cousin Jeanette and I think we did. Mission accomplished. 

Welcome to your mom's house, welcome to your mom's house, welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house, your host is Tom Segor on Christina Bozinski. I'm full of your jeans, boy, but I'm uptight. But you're out of his shit, I live your whole life blind. Bikes! Next stop, ground top. You better wipe down dope. Hesitate to listen to their mommies with the crown.

Oh wipe down, or is it wipe pop? Oh my god, seriously? Build a rap, I see it in a shot. Oh yeah, and that's good other than a bitch. I be flossin' my team, 28 inch rim. My team feet off each other, man, hunky ass white. Who just part of what's up with your man? All I know is bikes!

Hey, buddy, guess who it is? Man, it be top dope. Spread the knowledge all about the shits. Mommie tea and mommie seat. Looks another good as guest, watching clips and talking shit. The mommie is the best. But I want to say, just once we fold the show, man. Mommies for life, fuck me and her bro.

Go. Yeah. Thank you, plum, for that great extended version of your mom's house intro. Can you hear me better now? Probably. Thank you, plum. Hope you heard me the first time. Yes, you don't hear Christina right now, because she's not here, but she's on this episode.

All kinds of good stuff to tell you, first and foremost, I will tell you that if you are listening to this, the moment it downloads to your device as you should, and you're in the Kansas City area, you can see Christina at the Kansas City Improv tonight, tomorrow, Sunday, up until, no, not Sunday, sorry, through Saturday,

tonight, tomorrow. Super Bowl Sunday, no stand-up, probably across the nation. February 13th through 16th, Christina and I are together at the Chicago Improv. We're doing Valentine's Day. We're doing many jokes about all kinds of stuff. February 20th through 23rd, Orlando Improv for Christina. Go see her in Orlando.

And 27th through March 2nd, she is at the San Josezi Improv. So make sure you see Christina there. Follow her on Twitter at Christina. I will be at Helium in Portland, February 6th through the 8th. The F4 mentioned Chicago date with Christina. What else is coming up?

Just added Charlie Goodnights in Raleigh, North Carolina. At the end of the month, February 27th, I think, 28, 29, yes, to March 1st. March 6th through 8th, Tacoma Comedy Club, Tacoma, Washington. And we will be going to Brooklyn, New York together to do the podcast live. And we will also do a stand-up show in Brooklyn.

One night at the Bell House, one night at the Knitting Factory. Get your tickets now. There are links on my site, TomSugarra.com, for both of those. So make sure you check those out. You get a discounted ticket price if you buy the Knitting Factory tickets through that link. It'll be less than at the door.

We're really looking forward to going. And we are doing March 15th in Columbus, Ohio. And I need to get the link up for that. So we'll get that up soon, I promise. What else? What else? Erie Schaffers is in Denver. Comedy works.

Make sure you see him if you're in Denver, Colorado. One of the best clubs. Go see Erie Schaffers there. Ari Schaffer, to those of you that don't know his real name. All right, so here's what happened this episode. We had my cousin, Jeanette, came over. I mentioned her a few times before. Jeanette's definitely one of our all-time favorites.

As far as family members go, she's hilarious. And a lot of fun. And what we did was we ambushed her. We had dinner, and then we brought her into the studio. And I hit record before she even sat down. And we just got her talking in basically a really fun episode that happened. We tried to horrify her and play the really crazy clips.

Stuff you guys are all familiar with. But it was very fun to get her involved. And had her tell some really fun stories. I have to cut one thing out that she made me cut out because it's family. But it's still a lot of fun. So this is my cousin, Jeanette, in your mom's house. She gives her Instagram out later.

So make sure you hit her up there. Here we go, guys. Enjoy. Me and I ate tacos today. Oh, wow. That sounded really juicy. This shit is big time. Who is Randy?

Don't bring anyone lovin' to this. No mama in the fucking stand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura talking. Christina Pajitzic. Welcome to your mom's house. We have to.

We have no episode without you. Come on. I'm really nervous and I can't do it. You're just talking about what bullshit. Anything. Just live. We're talking about growing up together. Yeah.

It'll be very fun. Listen. We're talking about growing up together. We're talking about growing up together. Yeah. It'll be very fun. Listen. Just relax.

Put the headphones on. No, it's fun. Shut up. Just shut up. Let's go. Come on. Just do it. You talk more than anybody I know.

Yeah. Come on. Who is this person? I think I'm very self-spoken. Just do it. We are having family time. This is not family time. This is.

Bullshit. What do you mean? I said you're in talk. Just talking to the microphone. Yeah, you got to. You have to put it to your mouth. You got to put that to your mouth. You've done that before.

There we go. That's better. It's nice, right? I don't know if I like it. What's wrong? Yeah. What's uncomfortable? What's your problem?

Everything about it. What do you mean? Christina and one ear, you and the other. It feels great. It feels like heaven on earth. Your voice is really beautiful. Thank you. Hello.

What does it sound like to you? She always compliments you only. That's not true. You've dropped like 30 pounds. Me or Tom? Oh, Tommy too. Tommy too. Wait, you're saying Christina dropped 30 pounds?

I did. I lost like a thousand pounds. I weighed 600 pounds. Did you watch my TLC documentary? Your 600 pound life. Have you seen that? No. I was on that.

You've been talking about how soothing her voice is. No, I just think Christina always. Can you speak into the fucking microphone? Into the microphone. You guys cannot seriously. Who is this soft spoken? What is this shit? I know.

What are you doing? I'm just waiting for you to rip a burp like you always do. I never burp. I'm such a lady. I'm really trying to be like 2014. I'm going to be a lady. Really? Why?

What happened? Why? I just think it's necessary. For whom? For me. To be a lady. I'm 33 years old. Even when I go to bed at night and I have to fart, I try to hold it.

Really? Wait, wait, but you're just hurting yourself. No, I don't want to do it loud enough so my roommate's here. You get shy? I've never seen you shy about farting. Do you see me shy at all about anything? No. No.

Really? No. That's not your personality. Can you turn me up a little bit? You up? Yeah. Everybody up. I can't hear shit.

Well, can you adjust that for her so she can? Can you hear yourself better? No. I don't want to hear myself. Can you hear yourself? Yeah. What is this going to? This isn't going live.

Not live. Hell no. No. No. Be a lady. Be a lady. Today. Oh, wow.

That sounded really juicy. Let me get one more in there. Where do you guys find this stuff? Oh. Oops. Oh, my God. Wow. That is a dirty bottle.

Wow. Today, as soon as I saw that, I was like, Jeanette, we got to save it for a drink. I think so. That I feel like that basically we could substitute you for her and the same words would come out and the same noise would come out. Do you think that out of all the females, you know, I'm the best at farting and burping? Whoa. Wait a minute.

I mean, now you're stepping on hollow ground. Okay. Like top three. Oh, yeah. Wait, Tom. Top three. Wait a minute. Insinuating that you might be better at farting and burping than me.

Absolutely. That is. Wow. I'll tell you this. Wow. If she wanted to. Hold on. Did you hear that?

Yeah, I did hear that. I did that. You did do that. Did it register? Yeah, it registered a little bit. Your burps. It doesn't smell good. I got to sit.

I'm still in it. Come on. What did you guys put in your food? What did it make you feel bad? No, but you're, you just took an hour long shit. It was not an hour long. It smells good here. I'm still in it.

I'm just waving it at you. No, I'm your poor dog. I'm surprised he's not paralyzed yet. Paralysed. Paralysed. Now your burps, if you would, if you would, if you would show your burp game, I think you're number one in the burp department when you want to. I think so.

You know what? I'll give her that. This is the first time I burped in front of you. Okay. When was it? I mean, when you guys were still dating in Silver Lake and you were like, oh my God, you asked, you begged me to do it again and again and you're like, please do more, please do more.

Well, because I will say I went to an all girls Catholic high school and there was only one girl in the history of my life that I've known that can burp like you. Her name was Tiffany. I think you might rival Tiffany's burps. What happened to Tiffany? She, I believe, is a lesbian. Awesome. Does that mean that she's not worthy of being considered?

Yeah. I mean, it takes her out of the race. Okay. I'm not a lesbian. No, you're not a lesbian, but you have amazing skills. Okay. I remember this going back to so that people understand this. You and I have known each other.

Who's the people? You told me I was not being recorded. It's not live. But you and I have known each other our entire lives. Yes. A few years before you, we were next to our neighbor. Yeah. Like a little bit over a year.

I would also say he's not as sometimes flaunting of it. Your brother also has an amazing burping ability. Really? Brian? No way. Burping? But he's a gentleman. He doesn't do it in front of.

That's what I'm saying. When he wants to let it out, he lets it out. But I've seen Brian burp amazing burps. So if I have to burp right now, I can burp. Please, please. I'm just asking. I don't have to. I really wish you would.

I wish you would. But do you think it was a competition with Brian that first prompted it? No. I think it's just part of our family. I think like your parents are really gassy. My parents are gassy. Burps? I think the two leaders in the burps are you and Brian.

Really? I think it trumps everybody in our family for sure. Burp-wise? Yours are pretty impressive, Tommy. I think Brian blows me away. I do. I haven't heard of Brian and I've known him for how many years and I haven't. Yeah.

He's a gentleman. He won't do it out loud. Maybe he doesn't even do it anymore because he was married. I think if he was with me, just me, he would let it out. He lets out really crazy ones. It's funny. You think his wife would disapprove? You think that would?

I don't know. She's a lady, but like when I was there this week, I was like, hey, I'm all about like kicking people away now when I have to go to the bathroom. So I asked her that. What happened to you? That was disappointing. See? That was really, come on.

Really? Do you think maybe you could teach her a lesson? Absolutely. But give me a couple of minutes. No, I think that like Iris, I actually told her, I was like, well, I have to use the restroom. Restroom. I have to take a shit. Can you go upstairs?

And I was like, I don't mean to be rude. And she goes, oh no, you say that shit all the time. So I feel like a little intimidated to do it in front of other people other than I feel really comfortable with the shit in front of you guys. I don't know. Why are we in your comfort zone for shitting? Because you guys are animals. One of my first memories of Jeanette is when we were visiting in Florida, your family,

Tommy and Jeanette was staying there. And apparently she took it. I wasn't me guys. Yeah. That was Jeanette. How'd that register? I just had to move my leg. So the leg movement made a pretty strong fart come out.

What happened to leaving the room and excusing yourself? Anyways, Jeanette, I went to the restroom and the restroom and she left a present for both of us to witness. You remember that? This is Maria's wedding. No. Oh no, you're talking about the first time. Because Maria's wedding, she left a turd for me on purpose in the house.

Okay. But why was that? I don't know. Why was that? I'm not sure. But I feel like something you did sparked it. Something I did. Do you remember what you did after that?

No. What did I do after that? You took a big... Wait, what did you do? Oh, you actually, after I did that to you, you farted and then came up to me and hugged me and held me until it stopped smelling. Sounds like... So I made you smell a fart?

For like five minutes. Was it a bad one? Horrible. It wasn't my parents' bathroom. It was really inappropriate. Think about what the whole sentence is that you just said. What you did first was that you purposely, a lady, left... Because you probably had insinuated like I couldn't take a shit or...

Insinuated that you couldn't take a shit. So anyhow, moving on. Tina, when you first met me, you were like, she's not the lady. No, I don't think I would have said that. Really? See, I'm really going to try this year. Why? You know, listen, you are who you are.

You should embrace the wonderfulness that is Jeanette. I think I met you and I went, oh, here's a girl that I identify with. Here's somebody I can share things with that gets it, that burps and farts. So I should feel honored. I think so. You should. You're seeing this all wrong. Don't you think it's interesting though that my sister doesn't do any of these activities?

Yeah, I think you more than make up for it though. Like, wherever she's lacking, you step right out. Oh, shit. What the fuck happened there? Blue band? So unprofessional. How did you discover your talent for belching? Let's start there.

Oh, I was young. Really young. Probably third grade, fourth grade. Be new. What's going on? I don't know. So silly. So you were in third grade when you discovered...

Yeah, I mean, I was young. It's not like a... It just came out. It's loud. It's very... Sometimes when you're here and you're belching and the windows are open, I think, oh my God, the neighbors can hear. Totally.

It's loud. No, I'm sure they do hear. When you guys go out of town and I watch Theo, I wasn't embarrassed though. No. Sorry, I'm etching. So third grade is when you first let it rip. Do you remember the instance? No, I don't.

I don't. I think that it just happened naturally. Like I said, I mean, our moms were not afraid to burp or... Definitely. Well, didn't hear a lot of burps, a lot of farts though. Lots of farts. More than any women that I know. Yeah.

Do you think like if your friends knew how much your mom farted, they'd be shocked? Wow. Wow. See, I'm really trying. That was probably not the strongest. That was not. That was even like a starting... That was an appetizer, I would say.

It's not really indicative of your work. Jesus. I'm almost disappointed in that one. Sorry. My moms are... Our moms are basically, I think, somewhat embarrassed that they can fart like that. Do you think they are embarrassed? I think they're not embarrassed around us.

They're embarrassed when somebody else comes in. I mean, she had approved for years that she was cool. Christina did it before she could get... Yeah. Four years before Charles floated in front of me. Really? Do you know what my mom did over Christmas? It was really embarrassing.

We're all watching a movie and... There we go. It's like... Wow. Jesus. There we go. That's more... Jesus Christ.

No. I think it was the food. Sure. Do you mean the food that you eat every time you eat? That was amazing, Tommy. You burp all the time. So, my mom, we're all sitting watching a movie and we get up after the movie and all of a sudden she lets one out and she goes in front of Iris.

Iris, it's not like they see each other often. She goes, oh, excuse me. I didn't even hear that. How did you guys hear it? And then she goes, I am getting old. I was like, no, you've always done that. Always. Yeah.

It's not an old thing. So, she farts and then pretends like, oh, did you hear that? That's her new thing. Her new thing is like, did you hear it? The great irony of the two is that they're really about manners and they're also about chastising you for being anything but perfectly in line and then they'll stop, bite their butt, lower lip and grunt out the loudest, longest fart you've ever heard in your life and then go like, excuse me.

You're like, wait, you're calling me a pig right now? Did you hear what just came out of your ass? It's so ridiculous. What was that, you? No, that was a Jose. Who's Jose? He's somebody who sent us his fart. You've got to be shitting me.

Oh my God. Yeah, yeah. Do you see, like, do you know what he looks like? No. Do you want to? Yes. Absolutely. With a Jose.

Is this somebody? Actually, I think he tweeted. He tweeted. So, yeah, he tweeted, made my day. I can die now. They played my fart on the show. Shut up. He was really excited about it.

Sweet. It's the small things in life. Now, would you date somebody based on the sound of their fart? If you saw his picture and matched it with the fart, would that... No. Would you meet him based on that? No. I would need to date somebody that could fart.

You need to date... Wow. Sorry. It's good. It's really good. You guys said I could be myself. No, that was awesome. We're encouraging this.

This is positive. Yeah. Wonderful. Very much. Good work. Thanks. Thank you. I feel like I'm like Theo and I deserve, like, a treat.

That's how you really, how you talk to your dog. Do you want this? I got a Ricicab for you. No, no thanks. Okay. So anyhow, what else were we talking about besides burping? You said you need to date somebody that can fart. Absolutely.

I could... Like, I'm going to see this guy that I'm dating next to my boyfriend, my lover. And he's everything and I don't want to, like, suffer. Okay. So you guys are a month in. Has there been any farts yet? No farts. I think I've been really embarrassed by him.

And he, I think, was really embarrassed. What's the circumstance? Bathroom. Oh, in the bathroom. No, that's not a fart. And he's like, oh my God. What was that? Like, I just...

You said that? Yeah. So you're, you're embarrassing him. Oh no. I just want to, like, I want it, like, I'd rather him take a big one and then I'd feel so comfortable to be myself. It was like a little baby fart? Yeah.

It was a lady like fart. Like, like, just a little, excuse me. Nothing Christine has ever done. Oh, please. Like that? Oh. I wish I could have just recorded your face. That's Tom's.

Is that what you heard? No. It was less. It was like a little. Like a little. Yeah. Nothing to like. You said, what was that?

He's like, um. Well, maybe it went like, oh my God, I have to fart. I was like, please do like make yourself at home. Like, I didn't want him to feel. Where were you? What? What? It was in a bedroom.

Oh, so you're in the bed and he's in the bathroom. Were you like reading? Like, what were you doing? Not saying. Have you guys just finished reading? I'm like sweating. Am I red? No.

Really? No. I just got really hot. Thinking about all those books you read. Yes. So, um, how about have you guys have, has he heard you let a Jeanette Burp yet or no? Yeah, but that was after he did it.

So I felt like it was your full, like your full capability. Yeah. And I think he was impressed. Was he? He wasn't threatened. You think he was pro. Yeah. I think he was impressed.

I think he was impressed. I think he was impressed. I think he was impressed. I think he was impressed. I think he was impressed. He wasn't threatened. You think he was pro. Yeah.

No, I think he felt good. Like, wow. And he wasn't embarrassed about it. He was like, holy shit. Like, what did this lady just do? And I didn't, I felt like very comfortable around him. Good. It's exciting.

It is exciting. So when do you think you'll unleash the fury on him? How long do you think? I don't know. I mean, we're hot and heavy. I mean, with Tommy and I, like I said earlier at dinner, it took about how long? About two months. Four.

For you to shove my hand in your crotch and then fart on my hand. About two months. Yeah. Did you like suffer through those two months? Like, were you? Yeah. Wow. Oh my God.

You guys are so disgusting. Um. Jane. That is Jane. Oh, Jesus. That is just. It's almost a fetish talent. Have you considered doing like belching?

Contest? No. I don't think that. Do you think I'm good? Really good. You're really good. Your top competitor. Yeah.

That means a lot coming from you. Well, I value something like that. That's a skill. You're not a very good burper, though. That is not true. I think. What were you just talking about? I got so distracted.

What were we talking about? You were talking about. Oh, I didn't suffer. I don't feel like I suffered, but it was, it felt good to get that fart out. Make, make a stance. Say something about it with that move and then be like, the fart gates are open now. Well, and it was tricky because, you know, in the courting process, like we would spend weekends together, like we would go to a hotel for a weekend and I wouldn't shit for three

days. Yeah. And then you came home and then isn't that the best feeling when he dropped you off? And then you'd be, you'd be like, Oh my God, it can finally be me. And I'd run to the toilet and just shit. Yeah. I had that experience actually when he was in town. I think I went to the Tom's store because it's like one of the only public restrooms

on Abbot Kenny and I had, I mean, it was so gross, but I had to. It was so gross. The whole experience. Abbot Kenny, a lot of yuppies. I love Abbot Kenny. Oh, but was it a, was a growler? It was a stinker. Hmm.

Yeah, but there's nothing else. I was like, tell me where's the nearest public bathroom? She's always been, you know, do you know that she's also very, she's the little detective. She's very inquisitive. Yes. Yeah. A lot of questions. But I've gotten a lot better.

Who drilled me tonight bitches? Who drilled you? Probably your fucking boo boo. I don't know. Well, because you're very evasive, like you come over and you're like, I have a story to tell you and then you don't tell story. You just cut your meat. And I'm like, well, tell us a fucking story, man.

Okay. So, but I wouldn't say that I'm brutally inquisitive, would you? Like I genuinely care and I like caring from you and like, you are. Yes. I don't think you're rude. Okay. You're, you're like 21 questions a lot. It's a lot of questions.

I haven't asked you guys anything tonight. I'm going to. Yeah, you've been good. I've been really good. Yeah. It's like I'm a new woman. So it happens when you get excited about what you're doing in life and like things like that.

Yeah. So day one, day one, you're licking this guy's butthole in the parking garage of a casino. Is that what you said? My God. You cannot talk like that. Please don't. No, but we're actually laughing because I'm like, can you imagine the video tape at this casino above us?

Like, I mean, we were really just kissing, but it was like attacking kissing. Yeah. We were so excited to celebrate, but imagine like this is how long have you done them? Well, so I was so like, no, more than that. I'm shit. I'm 33 now. So basically like 17 or so years of sexual attention came out on and off. I mean, yeah, but it kind of it's major.

It's major, but it came out full force. Wow. Wow. What a wonderful love. Tom and I had four years of sexual attraction come out when we started to date and that was pretty vigorous. Are you still sexually attracted to him? Of course.

We just, Tom, why don't you tell your cousin what we did before? No, I know what just happened. You came out all sweaty. Wow. Tell Jeanette what we did, Tommy. Dirty and disgusting. Um, she's burping and farting with a smile on her face. So we, uh, oh, we got some toys out.

No, you did not. Can you not talk like that? Can you show her what we use? No. Okay. It's personal. I don't want her touching it. Her fingers are all dirty and full of steak and stuff.

I have slept in your bed. Bad mistake. I like it. She's pretending to be a good girl right now. Please. She used to do gang bangs when we were like in middle school and high school. Really? Yep.

I didn't know that. I was a really good girl. I'm a very good girl. Uh-huh. Were you a good girl? Dude, I went to Catholic school. Yeah. Here's Jeanette in middle school.

Just put it in there and let's quit the baby. Oh my God. This is really embarrassing. Did I have your clip? That is embarrassing, isn't it? Can you play that again? Oh, sure. You want to do it, Jeanette?

Just put it in there and let's quit the baby. Why don't you play, play Jules for her? Oh yeah, I should play Jules for her. Well, let's see if you can relate to this one. If you don't relate to that clip, maybe this one might. Yeah, this one might tickle your whatever you got. Honestly, it wasn't until, and this goes for almost all the moments in the scene, it wasn't until somebody was actually there telling me you have two in you

or you have three in you that it actually kind of clicked and, oh my God, this is actually happening. I'm proud of myself. I don't know what they're talking about at all. I don't even understand that. That's how prudish I am. What about this? Do you understand this? My that's a big hawk.

My what? My that's a big hawk. Made a bubble. Made a ca-cock? Made a ba-back? Does that voice sound familiar to you? Oh my God, it's fucking huge. Oh, Maria.

What is she talking about? Um, Jeff. Oh my God, I've never had a black one before. Oh my God, how did you get them to say these things? Black. Oh, blast my fucking bae. Yeah, blast my fucking bae. You ever heard Maria talk like this?

Yes, all the time, but after my weekend, we shouldn't talk about this. Come over here and shit on my tits. My God. Do you get perturbed that she talks like this? Your sister, you'd love it. Oh, no, I enjoy it. I don't think it's great. Have you always loved it?

Like when you guys were younger, were you like, tell me about your sex or no? Um, no, no. I know that she was, you know, putting it out there. You know what's amazing is she doesn't lie about it. Like I always felt like maybe she was just like, I'll talk. The girl can get it on. Really? I mean, I don't really know the truth of it.

No, really. When we were on vacation this past summer, they would have sex nonstop. Really? Like every day? Well, their kid was in the, yeah. Yeah, but they're also, you know, making up for a lot of lost time. Seriously, with a, with a fucking one and a half year old, why are you? What do you mean?

It's not making up for lost time. Sure. Bullshit. You think like if Christina gets pregnant and then a year later, you're going to be like, let's pound every day. They're, I'm saying they're using the opportunity of the vacation and somebody being able to what, what, what do you mean? No, no, no.

When we go on vacation, Tom and I bang every day, sometimes twice a day. That's all I'm saying. I'm not, I'm, I'm, I'm not denying what you're saying. I'm, I'm saying that having. I thought you were saying lost time because it was a year of their life with a baby. Oh, no, no, no. I'm saying they have, you know, the vacation is a little more opportunity to get on, get it on.

Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. I like it all the time. Yeah. Sure you do. All right.

Okay. This is last one. Let's take review. Do you have cock? Remember cock? It's not cock in Korean. What's cock? Cola.

Cola. So do you have, what do you have? Good. Good. Wow. That was so good. You see attention or a lot of them, honestly or Nils, that away, but honestly, like, I, oh, that's the honestly come.

That's why it's called honestly Jules. See, once you open the gates, yeah. Once you guys told me it was okay to be a lady. No, you should talk. You have to talk into the mic. Oh, sorry, sorry. I'm sorry. I'm close to you.

So do you guys spend all day doing this or no? Not all day, but like, you know, we spent time doing this. Will you give this listen though and tell me what you think of this? I give him the grease and I tell him to put some on his finger, sticking in his ass. And you know, I'm saying kind of like fuck yourself to loosen yourself up. Because I know he had never been penetrated before. It was his first time. Just an old penitentiary trick that I learned from some old convicts.

If you scream rape, you know what I'm saying? He had grease on his fingernail. So he greases on himself up. You know what I'm saying? I'm just gonna basically lie and tell him I've been fucking. He's been my boy. Hey, are they gonna buy it? What do you mean?

Who gives you this stuff? This is on TV. It's television. No, it's not. Yeah, it is. Barbara Walters plays these clips. Do you understand what's going on there? Yeah, I don't know.

What's happening? No, I have no clue. You have no idea? I'm lost. What does it sound like? He is trying to give somebody advice to penetrate, to have sex or to get something up the ass. Something? Yep.

But what? He's gonna put his something where that guy's something else. No. Yeah. What was he saying green for? Grease. Oh. I give him the grease.

Here, listen to it a little more. It gets better. I'm saying, I'm gonna go to the extreme and get four or five. Well, the guy that lies, I've been fucking him to, been taking care of him. He's been my boy. I said, what if I take this knife and stab it right through your face? I said, we like that. So he's like, he's scared now when he sees this knife.

You know what I'm saying? They had a knife to my eye. It's people. It's really hard to understand them. Really? Yeah. Do you have trouble understanding them? No, I understand them.

But you guys listen to this stuff all the time. Convicts? Here, do you understand this? I fucked a girl with no arms and one leg. That's our friend Yoshi. Is that true? Yes. No, he did not.

Yes. Yes, he did. No arms and one leg? Yeah. No, she's done a lot of stuff. He's done a lot of stuff. What about play that clip from the other night? Which one?

The German. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's see if you like this. See if this sounds familiar. Where's he? Yeah. Are you thirsty? Uh-huh.

I want to breastfeed you. Here on this big miss. And watch how you suck me dry. Look here. I don't like this stuff. What do you think is going on in this video? What do you picture? I don't like it.

I picture some. It's so dirty. How is it dirty? Dirty how? He's got her boobs in his mouth. No. No. Try again.

No. Suck me dry. Suck you dry your nipple. What? Yeah. No. I'm not attracted to black girls because for me to attract to be a girl, I have to know I had to beat the shit out of them.

I can't beat a lot of black girls. I can't. They'll fight back. Fucking precious will fight back. If I can beat you up, I can't get hard. Is this Yoshi? That's Yoshi. Yeah.

Would I like him? Maybe. Like as a friend. Yeah. I think as a friend. You like him? Would I be scared of him? No.

I eat the ass and pussy all the time. I got nothing. Do you think he really does do that? Yes. Yes. He's a really sweet guy actually. Here's a good one. The reason I like jerking off while licking my, having a girl licking my balls from my

angle while she's licking my balls, I'm punching her fucking stupid face. He sounds lovely. Like super sweet. How do you guys meet these people? Just in comedy. Tell her about this story. Fuck my stoma. I don't know what that means either.

Should I like start watching porn? Fuck my stoma. It's a lot. It's, the stoma is a, what is it a bag? It's like a hole for the bag. It's not a bag. It's a hole like. It's a hole for, not a colostomy bag, but for a throat.

Okay. You know when like people smoke too many cigarettes and then they have to put a hole in their throat. Sometimes people have sex with, with those holes. No, they don't. Yeah. It's your story. So this lady.

Fuck my stoma. Was talking about it. So did you guys start using toys after you started listening to all this stuff? Are you saying that this is like advanced stuff or something? I think it's kind of pornographic. How? Put your titties in my mouth or what is that? Uh, play the German guy for her.

I don't think she's understanding what's happening there. Oh, are you? Yes. Come on. If you're thirsty. No, it's not me. It's not me. That's not Tom.

It's a German guy. I'll tell you what it is. It's a German guy and he's got really huge nipples and he's talking and he's also like pinching his nipples, but they're big. They're like dog nipples after a dog is nursed and they're real loose and stuff. And he's like, tell it. He's like, are you thirsty? Do you want to suck my nipples and stuff?

Oh my God. I think your new boyfriend has a break. Just as penis. Stop. I think it's pretty gross. No. He is. He's like, are you thirsty?

He's like, are you thirsty? You want to suck my nipples and stuff. Oh my God. Dick detectives. Um, I think your new boyfriend has a break. Let's not talk about that. I think it's pretty girthy. No.

Stop. We've seen photographs. Pretty girthy. You have not. You guys, we cannot talk about that. I'm going to guess. How tall is he? 6'2".

It's a tall glass of water. White guy? White. Looks Arab. Anglo-Saxon. Stop. What's his background? Italian.

Okay. Oh. Yeah. Those guys, they got brown ones. Yeah. Maybe. Don't answer yet. I'm going to guess.

6'2". I really didn't pay much attention to the color. Oh please. Okay. I'm going to guess length. Long. Skinny. I think it's thicker and not as long.

Which is it? Wait, wait. But the color is brownish and tone. But it smells like ham. It smells like ham. Which is it? Oh my God. Jesus.

You guys like put something in your foot. I never liked that. Yeah. Sure. You say that every time. No. Long and more accurate. You said long and girthy?

No. She said long and skinny. I said shorter and thicker. Longer and brownish and tone. No. It's perfect. Neither one of you guys are right. Because neither one's.

It's really perfect. The Dick Detectives. Oh my God. All right. Here we go. This one. This one. This one.

This one. This one. This one. This one. This one. This one. This one. This one.

This one. This one. All right. Here we go. This episode. I'm the one that had the elephant thrusting in trees. Shit man. That's Tom Segura.

Bones. He was a for real grimy nigga. You think I give a fuck about a motherfucker red light? Oh. Faggot cop can't touch me. I'm my head smoking weed. Speeding. All that door.

Fuck that. That's me. I put trademark around your fucking eyes. It's time for Tom or Black. All right. You ready? We're going to play a little game. Okay.

But then I have to go. Go. Where are you going? Where are you going? I just have to go to the bunion. Okay. Number one or number two? Shit.

Where is it? Where do you have to go? What? You have a date? Yeah. Where do you have to go? Do you guys ever call my parents on this? Yes.

Yeah. Yes, we have. They were cool. They were funny. Or do they have a clue? My mom probably has no idea what you're doing. But my dad knows. Yeah.

Yeah. My mom probably has no idea what you're doing. But my dad knows. The time that actually they were on, they had no idea. Okay. And then they found out once it was already out there. Okay. Does it number one or number two?

Just P. Do you want to go right now? No, no, no. We can play a game. How long is it going to take? Five minutes? Yeah. Something like that.

We're okay. Okay. He's probably taking a shit in the living room somewhere. Sometimes you like to hang out on the couch. That was a long time. Do you know, do you know this game that we're playing? No. I have no idea what you're talking about.

Okay. Christina, can you break it down for her? So this game is called Tom or Black. So what we're going to do is play clips and you have to guess if it's a black guy or Tom acting like a black guy. Does it make sense? Tom or Tom acting like a black guy. No, no, no.

Not Tom or Tom. A black guy. Tom or a black guy. Yeah. It makes sense. All right. There we go. Damn it.

They're going to knock you. It's a black guy. All right. Are you going to tell me if I win? Yeah, at the end. Not right now. Final answer? Final answer.

Final. Black guy. God damn it. Sorry, that was loud. God damn it. It's a tough one. Do you know, Tina? Yes, I know.

I'd have to say it was the black guy. Okay. All right. Final answer. Final. Hmm. Have you ever... Kim Deal is my spirit animal?

Jesus. You like Kim Deal? Who is that? Oh my God. What's your favorite band? Carlos Vives. Uh... At Case.

Tommy. Okay. We're going to ride and play. Black. At Young. At Young. At Young. At Young.

At Young. At Young. At Young. At Young. At Young. At Young. At Young. Tommy.

It's going on here. It's going on here. It's tough, but I'm going to have to say... Is that you? I don't know. I can't tell you. Do it again. It's going on here.

Black. Hmm. Hmm. Damn. Damn. Hmm. Do you guys hear that on your end? Because I ain't going out like that.

Oh, Black. Damn. Jesus. Really, Tina? Come on. That's embarrassing. It's going to last long. They boo.

Do it again. It's going to last long. They boo. Tommy. All right. How many is that? Wow. Hold on.

That's four. Did I get any? Yeah. You did. I'll tell you what, do you want other results of this? Sure. I got to say in the history of Tom or Black, Jeanette has gotten the most correct. Really?

And with the most accuracy and the quickest, you only got two wrong. Wow. You got... The rendezvous is... You said Tommy. That was a black guy. You got this right. That's me.

That was Tommy. Yep. You got... I'll go through this right here. Your mic is starting to smell like my burp. You don't care. Ugh. That's the guest mic.

Whatever. God damn it. She said black guy. She said black. You know what's going on there? What do you think is happening? God damn it. You're playing a trick on it.

God damn it. Oh my God. You guys don't record that. All right. We're going to see you. You're going to see me. You're going to see me. You're going to see me.

You're going to see me. You're going to see me. You're going to see me. You're going to see me. All right. Here. Hey yo. What did she say for that one?

She said Tom. But this one... We're going to ride the night. I said Tommy. But this one she said black. Hey yo. Sorry. Yeah.

I'm sorry. Ride tonight she got wrong. Ride tonight she got wrong? She said black and that was Tommy. Oh. These are both me. We're going to ride the night. That's me.

And then this is me. Hey yo. That's me. But I did well. Are you not impressed that that's me? No. I'm really impressed. I don't know how you're doing this.

Like your verbal skills are amazing. It's going on here. Do you know who that is? It's going on here. You said black. You got it right. But here's... I don't know that many black people.

Here it is. I knew this house. I came down here. I saw all the limbs and things right now. I saw a hole in them. One night I said it's going on here. So they say your knee is in the hospital. I thought it was in Jackson.

Pretty good. That was really good. Yeah. I'm impressed. I love winning. Do I get a prize? Actually we have it for you in the living room. We do.

It's in the living room. We can't get it right now. That's really impressive. Good job. Now have you spent a lot of time around black people before tonight? Sorry. I kicked the fucking thing. Have you?

Have you ever been a black person before? I didn't grow up around a lot of black people. Not because I didn't want to. It just wasn't a... Nobody wants to. I'm saying like... No. But you know what I mean.

Right. Yeah. I have one black friend. Oh you do have one black friend. Here? California? No. Okay.

Another city? Charleston? I didn't have any black friends in Charleston. They seem to be everywhere there. What happened? You never dated a black guy? Not date. You got it in there with one?

Please speak into the microphone. Okay. But after this... This is like around... I'm leaving after this. Leaving where? Okay. So I graduated 2003.

Hi. So probably 2004. Are you in Peru? No. I was in Houston, Texas. Why are you so soft-spoken just when you're appearing on this? Yeah. It's very odd.

It's usually so very... 2004. Yeah. I think she hears her own voice. Is that what it is when you're hearing your own voice? It's loud. No. I think...

I don't usually talk like... Is this not my voice? No. No. Really? No. Do I... I'm sounding like a different person?

You're just more demure. Like it's just not... It's not me? You're more pulled back and I'm not sure if it's because you're hearing yourself or maybe... I don't really even hear myself. You don't hear yourself? No, not at all. That's probably why she's talking low.

Oh. Should I hear myself? I've never used these things. All right. You don't hear yourself this whole time? No. Oh. Do you hear yourself now?

Let me see. Yeah. Now I hear myself. Oh my God. No matter. Yeah. It's so retarded. No.

You sound fine. Yeah. Now I hear myself. Oh, better. It's really funny. Yeah. What the fuck did you do? Did you just learn how to do things?

I just turned your headphones up. Okay. Can we not talk... Can this not go live? None of this is live. So nobody's going to know the story. No. I swear.

What do you mean? No one's going to know the story? Yeah. Well, people will hear the story. But can you edit it out and crop it out? And I'll tell you guys what happened. Okay. We're not done.

We're not done. We got more to discuss. No. No. You guys, it's 8.30. So what? 8.45. What do you have to do?

We'll wrap up in a little bit. Where are you going? I want to go pee real quick and then just make a quick phone call. No. What's that right now? Let's finish the show first. Yeah. I mean...

We didn't... I didn't know I was doing a show. You've done it. You're almost done with it. We've done a lot. We talked a lot. Just give us a few more minutes. You guys have such entertaining guests.

Yoshi and Toshi. Yeah. And Toshi. Toshi. I think you're entertaining. You don't mind yourself entertaining. I love you. No.

I wish I would have had the mic on the whole time. Then I feel like myself. The mic has been on the whole time. You guys are retarded. You didn't figure it out. Yeah. Are you thirsty? I want to breastfeed you here on this big nest.

I know what we should do. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. We will do that in just a moment. Oh, sorry. You can't even see that. I saw it. You got it.

Okay. Do you have them though? Yeah. I think we should do old school. Okay. What do you think of this? We got this sent in this week. I haven't really had a chance to explore it, but I would love your input, Jeanette.

Here we go. Let's see if this tickles your fancy, as they say. There's Fif. I know. He's such a good dog. He was so happy to see you. Here we go. We need your list.

Get onto the beach yesterday and look at the word I wrote in the sand. Yeah, you wrote the word crab. And with me, I've got a piece of stationery and I've written down exactly what the word means to me. Ever since prom, I've liked being fucked by unprotected dogs. Well, sure enough, I got crabs. I had a crab on my count so big you could have boiled it and added some season and spice and had yourself a hell of a meal.

I contracted those crabs from the prom king. He fucked me in the limo after he accepted his award. He told me he wanted to fill my slot with unprotected cock. That way he could give me his crabs. I thought he was goofing around, but he was dead serious and loving every minute of it. I feel like you're not really tuned in to what's happening. No, I think, is she okay? She's fine.

She loves her crabs. Within a week, crabs had infested my cunt. Every inch of my fuck bucket was covered with those nasty little venereal vermin entitled crabs. Sometimes. What? You're talking to the microphone. Have you had crabs? Not yet.

Have you? Never. Wait, what have you had? Nothing. Oh, you sound like, I haven't had that. I've had a bunch of other things. No, but the fact that you bring this up, like I thought it'd be a good topic of a discussion if you're going to bring it up.

I haven't, but I hear it's very easy to get. You can get crabs sleeping on a dirty couch. When you go to a public restroom, do you sit on toilet seat? Yeah, all the time. Me too. I don't think you can get crabs that way. It's like furniture, upholstery, things like that. Like bathing suits, sweat lodges, stuff like that.

I mean, you do sleep in a lot of hotels. Don't even say that. Like you're cursing me right now. That's bed bugs. Dude, no shit. Thank you. But do you check the beds? I do sometimes, but I usually stay in good places.

I don't stay in dumps anymore. Anymore as opposed to the beginning of my career. You stay in a lot of shitholes. A lot of shitholes. They would bite my clit and it would feel great, but most of the time it was horrible and made me feel inferior. I didn't know how to get rid of them, and I didn't have health insurance,

so I lived with them for ten years and three days. I tried sitting in tomato juice, but I heard later that was for getting rid of skunk stench, so I figured if you can't beat them, join them. I named every single crab that had moved onto the surface of my snatch. As far as I could feel, there was twenty. Raymond, Lupe, Bobby, Ernest, Dixie, Lawrence, Shirley, Steve, Alejandro, and Nietzsche. Eventually, after I saved up some cash,

I turned my attention to a doctor who helped me kill the crabs. At the time, I was happy to be free from their constant biting, but then became suicidal because I had killed my friends that had been by my side for ten years. Even when I would go out for a weekend of unprotected fucking, they wouldn't leave me. They believed in me. Not one of the Peters that pulverized my pussy

during the ten years of my crab infestation contracted them. They stuck by my prune tang through thick and thin, and I fell deeply in love with them, and they loved me. What do you think? It's kind of a sweet story when you think about it. Do you think it's true? Speaking of the fucking microphone. Do you think it's true? Yes.

100%. I think she's romanticizing the reality of those crabs. Look, I mean, if you're telling me that stuff on the internet isn't true, I don't know what the fuck you're saying. At night, I'd come in to bite my clitoris while I fucked my urine hole with a home pregnancy test. She looks really sincere. She loves them.

It's like us talking about Theo. I like her Latin names for the crabs. Alejandro. Nacho. Alejandro. Have you dated Alejandro? The crab? No, never.

Have you ever dated a Latin man? A lot. I found that story you told troubling. Stop. That's not getting publicized, remember? You really want me to cut that out? Yeah. I need to know for real.

Yeah. Okay. Because just because. I believe you. It's fine. Don't say it again. I'm not going to cut a second thing out. I'm serious.

I'll cut that out. Yeah. It was really. Okay. That was pretty good. Thank you. I can't say. I don't care.

No. It was more like disgusting. The fact that I don't do it. Can I leave it in? I don't give a shit. I think you guys. Can I encourage you to leave it in? Because I think that a lot of times guys are douchebags like that

and the woman feels guilty. And I think that you should share it. Other girls don't feel like he like really pushed it. And when I turned him away, he had the dacity to. And he was actually going to come visit me in San Francisco. Yeah. I swear. Because I was like.

No. In between boyfriends and. No. Yeah. I know who it is. He doesn't do the show. He doesn't. No.

Nacho. Well guys, you got to know Cunette and what better way to get to know the real Jeanette than a little would you rather. Now you're familiar with how this game is played. Would you rather. I am. Okay. So I give you two awesome options and then you choose the best one for you.

Okay. Now this would you rather is a classic on your mom's house. That's like one of the first ones we had. And I thought it might be appropriate for you since your family. Thanks. So Janette, would you rather. Here it goes. Christmas morning.

You're at home with the sagoras and your family and everybody's hanging out. And you're like, everybody, everybody gather around. I have something to show you. Before you open presents. So it's the pre present moment. Come back from church and it's like time for gifts. Everybody, everybody gather around. I have a video to show you.

And then you put the video in and here's your choice of what the video is. Either a you masturbating to completion. Then you say Merry Christmas at the end. Or be you getting bookockied by 10 homeless guys. Merry Christmas at the end as well. What's bookockied. I'm glad you asked a lot of people don't bookocky is where a man. Finishes on your face.

Oh, 10 homeless guys. 10 of them bookocky me. Yeah. Homeless. I would say I would rather masturbate to the end. Wow. Wow. Think about think about your mom, your brother, your sister.

And they all watch and you're just like, watch, watch, watch. And you keep keep watching. And then it gets better. It gets better. And then when you finish, you go Merry Christmas. And then we got to open presents. Would you be able to open a present? I think it would screw up the morning a little bit.

Yeah, I definitely that one. I think my parents would rather see that than watching 10 guys bookocky. You think they'd rather see that? Yeah. Okay. You think that they, oh, they prefer that. Absolutely. Why?

I don't understand though. Why? You always had that perspective of it's the onus is on. Here's my perspective is because of it. My Catholic upbringing is that I feel like you're taking the blame for it because you're doing that to yourself. But whereas if it was 10 homeless guys bookocking you, they're to blame. They're doing something bad.

My mom would suffer more for that, that I got hurt. Like think about how bad she would feel like I would rather. You're protecting her. Yes, absolutely. She'd be like, these guys hurt you and. Yeah. Violated you. Like bookocking doesn't sound like a lot of fun with 10 people.

Nothing could be fun. Nothing. It could be fun. I mean, what's it like with one guy? He told me my skin looked nice. I know. Well, that's interesting. This is a really dirty episode.

You don't get hurt with bookocking. This is so plain. This episode? Yes. Yeah, no, it is. It's clean. You don't get hurt with bookocking. No, but 10 bookocking.

Homeless bookocking. Yeah, that's dirty as shit. You've got like, there's something wrong with you afterwards. Master baiting is just normal. Yeah. Even in front of your dad and your dad's like, ah, Jeanette. I mean, bro. What does he go?

Ah, Jeanette. He's not grown. I've never seen that before. Yeah, he hasn't probably. Hopefully not. Your parents do it though. Yeah, but they don't. I mean, I hope that he doesn't put cocky on her face.

What did she say one time? She's like, I wanted to give him pleasure. Yes. That's what she said. Yeah. But they're doing it in their 70s, man. You think so? Definitely.

I don't know. We've got to ask them next time we see them. Definitely. I'd love to. Okay. What's the next would you rather? That's all I have right now. You brought it up.

I asked you if you had any more. All right. Ask you another. This is one of my favorite ones too. I don't know why I like this so much, but I do. Okay. Would you rather as your job full time, nine to five, 40 hours a week, you get your hour lunch to 15 breaks.

Okay. Your full time job is riding a roller coaster. You're riding Colossus. That one Colossus? Yeah. That's all you do. 40 hours a week. Okay.

40 hours a week. Or you go an entire year without washing your hands. Now, when you get in the shower, you have plastic baggies over them so that they don't get wet. Can't wash your hands. You get to live your life. When did you think of this one? On the road.

A lot of time in cars, on planes. It's really fucked up. Okay. Tell me the first one again. Your full time gig. Full time. 40 hours a week, nine to five, one hour lunch, whatever. You ride a roller coaster.

You're riding Colossus. I imagine. Over and over and over. I think I'm going to go with not washing my hands. For how long? A year. A year. Oh fuck, that's really hard.

Okay, wait. You wear baggies in the shower over your hands so that they don't get washed. But she didn't say anything about hand sanitizer. Oh, get the fuck out of here. Can I use that? No. No, you can't let no liquid touches your hands. Dry, dirty hands.

Your hands are crusty and dirty for a year. Yeah, but there are also ways to get a more gloves to like wipe your ass. Okay. To pump the gas. You learned that trick. I know that one. I did. I did.

Why are you guys saying that? Our listeners don't know that. Oh, well tell them. Well, my dad, when he pumps his gas wears a glove, like a gardening glove, and he told us all the time that the reason he does it is because truckers use their hands in dirty ways, so might as well protect his hands. You can go ask your dad's a germaphobe. Yeah.

Yeah, big time. But he's taught us to be that way. I don't use a glove, but Brian uses a glove. Brian really took to your dad's OCD about germs. And Michelle uses a glove. Yeah, but Brian, I feel like is the most germaphobic and like cautious like your dad. Like he took to that very well. That's not bad advice to use a glove.

I sanitize my hands immediately after I pump gas. Are you thinking about, do you want me to buy a glove? I'd like one. I mean, it's a gardening glove. Yeah. I like that thing. So if I bought you a glove, you would use it? Yeah.

I kind of agree with your dad. Yeah. That's really weird. Your dad's a smart guy. Imagine getting pumped. Like you can have your car to get gas, and then all of a sudden you put a glove on your leg. I would totally do it.

I hate touching it. I sanitize immediately after that. I agree with your dad. She agrees with your dad. Smart man. Okay. So you think I should buy a roller coaster for from eight to five? Mm-hmm.

I don't know. Both sound pretty bad. But that's the whole idea. I get it. But I don't like either. What if, okay. Well, you're not supposed to like the options. That's the whole idea.

What if instead would you rather... Wait, didn't he give us an answer? No, she said the hands. Oh, the hands. I said the hands. Would you rather not wash your hands for a year or eat nothing but beer and donuts for a year? Ooh.

You can take vitamins. You can drink water, but everything else is beer and donuts. Any donuts you want, though, you can choose jelly kind. Okay. I like that one. The beer and donuts. You can eat beer and donuts for a year. 365.

Sounds amazing. Every day. I love donuts. I love donuts. What's your favorite? What would you eat every day? Well, you didn't say I'd have to pick one. You can mix it up.

You can have whatever you like. Any kind of donut. I don't like jelly or jam or that jizzy shit. They're all jelly and jam. All of them. You can't do that. Yeah, we just did it. No, I love...

I love simple. I like glaze, and then I like chocolate. But I only hate when they're hot, like when they're fresh baked. I don't think I've ever had a freshly baked donut. Really? Yeah. It's gross. Really?

No. It's fucking amazing. What? Wait, you were serious. They're good. Yeah, of course they're good. They're fucking hot donuts. I didn't understand what you were saying.

Yeah. So when I lived in San Francisco, I lived right next to a donut shop. Oh, it's a good smell. Which one? Oh, donuts and more on 24th and Church. I wonder what more is in San Francisco. But it's real good. So I just made that name up.

I don't know what it's called. Yeah. And our windows face like the dumpster of the donut place. It's a good smelling dumpster. My roommate, no joke, witnessed the lady who ran the donut shop take lettuce out of the dumpster and bring it in the donut shop. No. Swear on my life.

Why? Because we had also a market that had like they... She wasn't using lettuce for donuts. It was a donut slash like bagel shop too. What? Swear on my life. I think she called and reported it. It was really disturbing because it was like a donut shop, a little market and then our

apartment complex and she saw the Asian lady going. I'm not saying Asian. Oh, no, that's definitely what it is. That makes sense now. You're saying that Asians are animals. That's what you're saying. No. I'm not saying that they're animals at all.

Hmm. It sounded like that to me. That's what I heard. You said because she was Asian, she would dumpster dive. Yeah, you said the Asian lady. Have you guys ever dumpster dived? Oh, did I tell you that? Everything you ate tonight was...

We're dumpster divers now. We're freagans. Oh, my God. You know what we didn't do for her? That's what I'm guessing. Oh, shit. How did we fuck this up? Fuck.

It's late. It's time to go to bed. No, it's not time to go to bed. It's 8.30, nerd. What a nerd. I have to go up. I have to make a phone call. Don't I got to call my boyfriend?

Oh, I want to. I want to call my boyfriend. Oh, I want to call my boyfriend. What? I want to call my boyfriend. Oh, sniffed it. Damn. Oh, sniffed it.

Damn. Ah. It's like the male version of Jeanette. Is this your new boyfriend? That was impressive. That's really impressive. What do you think? I like it.

I see a love for you. I was in here. You can far bigger than me. We got to show her the videos next. What do you think, Jean? I'd love for her to see the videos. Yeah, we'll sit down and watch. I feel like it'll really make your heart go pitter-patter when you see him in action.

You guys got to hear the great, the one and only Jeanette, cousin Jeanette live. And in person, this one out live over the airwaves. But thank you for coming on. Thanks, Jeanette. That was really fun. I really had a great time. Like I knew about this. It was a lot of fun.

I prepared myself very well. You were great. People are going to love you. Give out your Twitter handle. Oh my what? Twitter? Are you on Twitter? No.

You're not on Twitter? No. Why are you talking again? Oh, I don't hear myself. Because I'm not on Twitter. Okay. Give out your Facebook. No.

What? How about your email? How about tell people where you worked so they can come and visit you? No. What about my Instagram? What about your last? Yeah, your Instagram. Give out your last.

Hold on one second. How do I know what my Instagram is? I hate that I can't. Hold on. Sorry. Sorry. Jeanette RZA. J-E-A-N-N-E-T-T-E-R-I-S-A.

Okay. The RZA. Jeanette RZA on Instagram, make sure you follow her on Instagram and comment on as many photos as you can of Jeanette and compliment her. Tell her what a good job she did on your mom's house. She did a great job. Thank you, Jeanette. Thank you.

She did a really good job. Thank you. You did a really good job. Pradhyah. Pradhyah. Yeah. You guys are mean. Oh, my god's, oh, my god's Oh, my god's Oh, my god's

Oh, my god's Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh, my god's Oh, my god's Oh, my god's Oh, my god's Oh, my god's Oh, my god's Oh, my god's例 Oh, my god's Oh, my god's Oh, my god's Oh, my god's That's not bad Not bad at all

Not bad at all Not bad at all