Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Did We Find The NEW FedSmoker?! | Your Mom's House Ep. 835

Episode Date: November 5, 2025

Tom will be filming his new stand-up special in Milwaukee at The Riverside Theater on November 14th & 15th! Tickets are still available in Milwaukee for the November 14th show. Go get your tickets now at https://tomsegura.com/tour. SPONSORS: - Tear. Pour. Live More. Go to http://LIQUIDIV.COM and get 20% off your first order with code YMH at checkout. Tom and Christina are back in the Studio Jeans for another week of really wild finds and the discovery of a possible heir to the FedSmoker crown. Before that, Christina launches her new winter makeup drop (“Cuts You Up”) and the Jeans reminisce about classic reality TV — from Wife Swap’s “God Warrior” meltdown to Ice Cube’s bizarre early-2000s race-swap experiment on FX. They then dive deep into constipation talk (suppositories vs. laxatives), hospital horror stories, and whether couples who don’t fart in front of each other are living a lie. Tom reveals his new fear of contact lenses, Christina roasts his glasses, and finally both spiral into laughter over the reincarnation of a YMH legend on a college campus. What’s Up There Chomo? Your Mom’s House Ep. 835 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:54 - Wife Swap God Warrior 00:09:45 - Opening Clip: No Poop For You 00:12:25 - Good Old Fashioned Brown Talk 00:21:19 - Race Swap Reality Show 00:28:24 - Apartheid Museum 00:31:16 - Clip: Gas Station Photographer 00:35:17 - Dad Eyes 00:40:31 - A New FedSmoker? 00:52:22 - Crazy American Melts Down On Boat 00:56:11 - Christina's Curations 01:08:41 - Wrap Up 01:09:48 - Closing Song - "Vocal Fry Jam" by Gaping Dad Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey everyone, this month, I'm filming my new stand-up special in Milwaukee at the Riverside Theater on November 14th and 15th. Tickets are available in Milwaukee for the November 14th show only. I'll also be in El Paso, Tucson, and Colorado Springs this weekend. Get your tickets now at tomskere.com slash tour. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome. Welcome.

Welcome. Oh my gosh. Another episode of your mom's house. How are you feeling today, Gene? Good. Today, actually, my winter drop is now available. So you can buy in time for Christmas. Are you wearing the winter drop?

This was my fall drop. The winter drop. I have a new liquid lipstick color that I call cuts you up and a shimmer gloss. What's it called? What's it called? It cuts you. Cuts you up. Oh, cuts you up.

I thought you were saying a Japanese word. Katsuya. Kastuya. ChristinaP.com. Congratulations. Thanks. The makeup continues

to impress, Gene. Yeah, it's fun. I really believe in this product, too. It doesn't suck. So much makeup fucking sucks. And I spend a lot of money and time making these good. I mean, the results are impressive.

People also really like it. And I'll tell you what, too. I like having interesting makeup, not necessarily about, you know being a Kardashian because that shit's boring yeah it's not who you are it's not who I am bro you're a you're a dark child I'm a dark demon hunter K-pop demon hunter but no hate on them no it's not for me it's not for me yeah what are you inside you inside I mean there's some darkness oh you're a serial killer I wouldn't go that far I think

I'm a god warrior but I'm god warrior there's some dark stuff in there too I'm dorksided yeah Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did she? Did she?

You know, can you pull up God Warrior? She was amazing. For people that don't know. What show was that on? Trading spouses. Oh yeah, yeah. Did you work on that show? Yeah.

So I was there. There she is. Yeah, she looks great. Marguerite. So that's the clip when she's a big old lady right there. Yeah. So the concept of the show was that two people from different families would go live with the other family. It's called trading spouses. So they would do things

obviously like pair a woman from a liberal family to a conservative family and vice versa. And so cameras would be running and it was super entertaining because you'd see people that are not from this lifestyle all of a sudden thrust into living with a family like that. And you know, they'd pick like somebody from like a farm and send them to like New York City and vice versa. So anyway, I'm working in the post production office where at the time and I don't know if if reality is still done this way thanks baby maybe it is but at the time you know the cameras would run 24-7 and then they'd have a PA on location take the tapes from that week and fly with them back so that nothing could have like you

have to have a human being carrying them not you're not gonna ship at FedEx you know So, you know, PA came in, dropped off tapes, and I would work, this is when I was working, the graveyard shift. I remember those years. 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. It was awful. Awful for me, physically, mentally, emotionally, just for life in general. It was awful. But I remember being in the post house and, you know, you'd know the editor's bays. And there were a couple people that were. convening by this editor's bay down the hall

and I was hearing, hollering and laughing and chat. I'm like, what's going on down there? And I went down there and I saw they were watching this lady. She is the best. Who basically, she was from Louisiana and they put her with, I think, just like a more, yeah, let's say liberal family.

And when she got back home, she was just like she was having like a mental break yeah she was like those people are demons yeah and I'm a god warrior yeah and she just exploded can you play the god warrior she's not a Christian yeah yeah remember she was freaking out that she's not a christian yes this was yeah oh 2005 right this when we were dating yes if she believed a god she's not a Christian she could be a Jew and believe in God it doesn't matter She's tampering And dark-sided stuff

Dork-sided Dork-sided Yeah Dork-s She did The entire house Is dork-sided Dorks

Her whole house She is dark-sided Too Yeah Mom's got problems Yeah Mom's a borderline That's a little bit of it

Anyway she went Fucking nuts Dude She went nuts Yeah Yeah Wife swap Is it wife swap?

Okay, because trading spouses was the other wife swap must have been Fox and Trading Spouses with ABC. I think that's what it was. Great. Both of them. I was really into that show. I was really into that show. It is Trading Spouses. Anyway.

I only had three seasons. I feel like they could do that show infinitely. It should just, it should be an ongoing social experiment show. And you know who the mastermind of like all the shows that. Which one? Because I was at, I was at a. I was at a place that did them for Fox. They had like a Fox deal.

He had trading spouses, my big fat obnoxious boss, my big fat ofnoxious fiancé, some makeover stuff. It was a little French, French dude named Jean-Michel. Oh, I remember this guy, yeah. And he was like 5'1, and he had like the long, shoulder-length hair. Yeah. Is that him? Is that Jean-Michel?

Jean-Michel. That can't be the guy, is it? No. This is what happens when you click on it. Let's see. little child was he a child star I have no idea

I think so my big fat obnoxious boss I mean yeah he's got all those credits but that's the photo bizarre that's his childhood he was an actor I guess a child actor

oh can you look up like images of him as an adult Joe Millionaire remember that show that was a good one he did a ton of shit Temptation Island nah that ain't him bro that's not

who we're talking about let's see no there's no there's no images of this guy huh that's it that's what we're seeing yeah

how does somebody how can you do that in today's world where you're like there's no images of me and you're in television yeah that's very rare yeah that's really crazy I mean unless he had it scrub that ain't him bro

it ain't him homie dang weird i'm telling you i used to go to sound mixes with this guy yeah i remember you telling me yeah you'd be like it's the night he comes in yeah he's he's a little dude he'd get lit too he'd drink like three bottles of wine and he's such a frog that he would sit in his he had like a nice suite at the office and he had like a high-powered air vent so they would suck that he'd smoke in his office mad respect yeah and then you see they go like shoot out of the ceiling I respect it. Yeah. I respect that they still stick to smoking cigarettes.

The frogs? Yeah. Yeah. I think Eastern European bros, too. A lot. A lot of people still do, actually. The Turks, Koreans. I don't buy that vaping is somehow better.

I don't think it is. I don't think it is. You're still putting something in your lungs. Yeah, I'd rather smoke a leaf with chemicals on it than just the chemicals, right? Let's just make smoke and come back. I know. When do we get to start smoking cigarettes again, Tom? I think a later diagnosis in life.

If I get cancer again, it's kind of on. I think so. Because the kind that I had was rare. If it comes back, I'm done. I'm good. I'll do all the things you're telling me and two packs a day. A thousand percent. Yeah.

Yeah. Fuck it. I had a good salad today. Took my meds. Cigarettes. Smoked 15 cigarettes. I feel good. I wonder, and this is going to probably stupid thing to say out loud in my dumb brain.

But, like, I wonder how many cigarettes are really that shitty for you. Like, what's the cancer number? Oh, right. Do you know, I bet you could get away. Somebody knows. One of you fucking researchers knows. Yeah, because there are people that get lung cancer that have never smoked a day in their lives. Exactly.

And then there's people who smoke a pack and a half a day and also don't get lung cancer. Of course. What if, like, they know, they're like, it's three a day. You can have three a day. You can totally smoke three a day. You can, it's fine. You're not going to die. You want a morning, noon, and night routine, it's fine.

It's fine. We got to ask Dr. Drew. Yeah. Oh, we could. Well, he's going to give us some bullshit thing. The fucking answer they want us to hear. Yeah. It's not going to be the answer.

Yeah. My research. You just haven't researched it. My buddy Todd, he was saying the other day that he was smoking like 40 cigarettes a day for 16 years. And he's fine. You're going to read these, did you read this report? You're trying to tell me Todd's wrong? All right, you ready to see the opener?

Oh, hey, it's a, it's a, it's a, here we go. It's a woman. That's weird. I still can't poop. Yeah. Can't poop for like 48 hours. I have no idea why. I took medicine.

It's not working. Help. I'll help you. That shit is big time. Oh, it's right. Don't bring anyone mother to this. Your mom in the fucking stand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura and Christina Miao-Jitsky.

Welcome to your mom's house. I'm Ow! Stook in the poop. Yeah. 48 hours after you've already taken the laxatives and no budge. What's your, what's the guideline here? All right, well, here's what I've done.

You're kind of an expert in this. I am. I am. If the laxatives don't work, you're going to go ahead and just shove a suppository right up your ass. And that is a sure, I did. Yeah. For this last round of stuff. It took two suppositories to get Brown to come down. But then when it finally, the dam opens up and you've got those, the oxy shits that you've been holding on to for days in the hospital. And then you come home and, you know, you know, that first post-oxy chalma shit. Dude, that alone would... It almost makes drugs not worth it. It's not, it's not, I wouldn't say it's not worth it, but it's almost not worth it. Yeah, because I feel like you just, you have to choose shitting or being high. High is awesome.

High is awesome. Oh, yeah, dude. And that dilauded? That was amazing. That was amazing. That was amazing. It's the all-time greatest. I know.

I know. I can remember right now. Like, I remember the first time she gave it to me in my IV. You got to find a doctor who'll come to the house. into it. I know. You guys want some dilata tonight before bed? Yes? Yeah. It'd be awesome, man.

It'd be awesome. So you would tell her it's suppository next. Yeah, don't fuck around. 48 hours. Just shove one in there. You don't have to let it melt all the way even. Sometimes it'll just burn your rim. Yeah. You've used a positoria, yeah?

Yeah, yeah. It just like stings your bottle? I don't remember any stinging. Really? Mm-mm. I remember the discomfort. of something being shoved up my ass. That's the part that I was really married to. You remember that? Yeah, that sucks.

Who did it? Was she hot? A nurse, no. No, and it was, I mean, it was mortifying. And then you felt the shit coming, and it came out like hot sludge. Oh, nice. And then the lady was like, oh, the nurse, who's supposed to be a, she goes, oh, my God. She goes, you have so much hair back here.

Oh. And the whole time she was like, oh, no. Oh my God, that's not very nice. I know. She was older. What a bitch. She was like, oh, Jesus. Man, a bad nurse can make her break.

It can break your fucking stay at a hospital. You get a shitbag nurse like that. You had a mostly good one. I have great ones here in Texas. It wasn't great. Well, yeah, at the house when I had one at the house. Oh, oh, oh. But at the hospital.

Amazing. Shout out St. David's always excellent. Shout out St. No problems there. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Well, what do you think?

What would you tell her? Poop soup, here's what you're going to do. Poop soup just cleans you out when it's a little like, uh-oh, there just needs a little. Uh-oh. I skipped one movement. Mm-mm. Yeah. Then you take your laxatives.

Yeah. And you take another round. And if nothing, suppository. Suppository. That's what I do. Yeah. I don't really have a constipation issue. You have the opposite.

Ever, yeah. No, you do like loose browns. I mean, I've had loose browns. I know what causes them. Well? loose browns are high fat usually really you think so that's after all these years the thing that is a guarantee for me is like high fat greasy yeah like it's gonna like I try to avoid that on almost every situation I'm in now and that will prevent the loose browns that'll prevent loose browns yeah

I just don't have a good gut for high fat I don't that's interesting you know you should really tell our GI doctor that that finding you still haven't mailed in your shit i haven't mailed in my shit i wish you would i know maybe it's a project for when i'm home for an extended period next take a nice long hot shit don't you have to just scoop a little bit into like she gave me like 15 vials and there's also instructions about how much shit don't put in too little and don't put in too much it's so specific it's really cool it's a cool she's like why haven't you given me back your shit she told me that she left me a message I don't have your poop. I don't have your poop. I need your poop. She's great. She is great.

You really got to get in there. Mother fucker. I got to get my poop in there. This show is sponsored by Liquid Ivy. My key to making the switch from days filled with tan lines to ones filled with deadlines is to prioritize exercise. Thanks to Liquid Ivy's new sugar-free hydrating multiplier, sugar-free energy, I can skip the sugar and the crash. I love Liquid Ivy. I have my kids even drink it to keep them hydrogen. especially when it's hot outside and even when it's not. Sometimes you're exercising. You don't feel like drinking water, but you really should. And liquid IV makes it tasty and no calories. That's the best part. It's scientifically formulated to support physical energy, hydration, focus, mood, and social stamina. Just one stick and 16 ounces of water hydrates better than water alone. It's packed with three times the electrolytes of leading sports drinks and eight essential vitamins, and nutrients. And it comes in two mouth-watering flavors, sugar-free energy strawberry kiwi, and sugar-free energy blackberry lemonade.

Ditch the glitch with zero sugar and zero crash from Liquid Ivy. Tear, poor, live more. Go to Liquidiv.com and get 20% off your first order with code YMH at checkout. That's 20% off your first order with code YMH at Liquidiv.com. Hey, by the way, yeah. when we run vacation I don't know if this is too personal if you don't want me to share this we can edit this out

but I've been listening to you dump through walls for years, 20 years and I've never brought this up until recently when there's a point in your bowel movements where you go and you make an audible sound what is happening at that moment?

I don't know. No, I don't know that I'm making that sound. You do, you do. I don't know that I'm making that sound, though. So, I mean, you're telling me, like, what are you doing? I'm like, I don't understand. It's unconscious for you. Yeah.

It sounds like, I mean, your description, it feels like it's just relief. Like, there goes all the work that I've been putting in. Done. Yeah, it's like, it's that. It's a sigh. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. So that, to me, sounds like I just was done pushing.

Isn't that what that sounds like to you? Sounds like post push. Yes. Relief. Karen Labor. The contraction has gone, and then you let out the baby brown. Yeah. Not too, I love it.

What you did before, that's the sound. Yeah, that sounds like I just done pushing. But it's so loud that I can hear it through the wall. And I can even hear it in our own home. I know that you heard a couple of pee farts, like when I would go pee and then fart, because I actually had some pretty epic ones down there. amazing fart when you pee

last couple days I was real bummed out that you weren't around for some of the stuff I had I was really bummed too because I was browning nonstop you mentioned that

I was sad that to be so far away yeah yeah yeah yeah it was so crazy so crazy can you imagine I mean we talk about this all the time that there are couples

who don't fart I don't understand because some of you have been in isn't that are you in that camp that's a lie No, no, no, I was the opposite.

Okay. That I was saying that I don't fart around my friends. Yeah. But I will fart around a girlfriend. Yeah, because I don't understand the ones, though, that do say, like, yeah, they're just like, yeah, I don't do that. So it's like, so anytime, like, let's say you have a gassy night. Yeah. You just, you get up 30 times to leave because you might fart or something.

Or what if you, what if you're peeing? Yeah. And then you let out some farts. And she can hear, if you're in a hotel room, you're sharing a room. you're sharing a room, I'm going to hear those farts. Of course. Why are you pretending like it doesn't happen? Of course.

I mean, I have been with like a girl who I'm like, I probably shouldn't do it with this one, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so then you kind of hide them, you just, ugh, you know, in the fucking, in the bathroom. It doesn't work. It doesn't work. It works.

We know what you're doing. She didn't know. She was stupid. Stupid bitch. Down broad. Yeah. She didn't know. Smells I wear now.

Uh, but could you imagine, like, you guys go out to dinner, you're laying in bed watching tea. And then you're like, excuse me, I have to... Excuse me. I got to wash my face again. I'm going to go brush my teeth now. I forgot the floss. Wait, have you ever held it in like in the beginning, though?

Yeah, of course. A week maybe, yeah. You were, I feel like those, those fart, when you finally release. Incredible farts. Insane. Yeah. It's like a bomb goes off. Yeah.

The whole house shakes. But imagine being in a relationship, a marriage, where that's the norm. That's what you do all the time. You're holding. in farts all the time and then you're just waiting until you're in the bathroom to rip I can't imagine

my stepmom would hold in her farts my second one sorry I don't know I'm on my fourth one my second one because my dad would rip him he didn't care he didn't give shit but if she never tuted it she was very ladylike and if he fired in front of her he was like so what

yeah she would pretend like oh no it's so gross and then he would laugh I would laugh and that that's the fun but she wouldn't do it in front of him never in a gazillion years I don't think he would allow that yeah as a man I don't think he would allow it he let me do it because I'm his daughter but he would have shut that that he's trying to bang or is banging no way no fucking way yeah no fucking way you like get the fuck out today yeah right now that's such a double standard though of course it is yeah it's insane you wouldn't forbid me from farting, would you? Could I even attempt to do something like that? I would be devastated. I'd be like

saying you're not allowed to breathe around here. There's no chance. Devastating bit. Speaking of reality shows, this one popped up on my feet. I didn't remember this show, but this story was pretty incredible and I want to show it to you. It's from a reality show back in the day. In 2006, there was a show on FX where two families swapped races produced by Ice Cube. So for six weeks, they had a black family come white. And a white family become black. And then all six of them lived in a house together. The show had two purposes. One is to see what the world would be like if you had a different skin color. The other objective, which is the most bizarre part of the show, is to see if you would pass as the other race. Like this white girl who is trying to pass as black is given a black

chaperone who shows her like how to be black, like how to get a black boyfriend. The black family who becomes white, you can tell that they just think it's ridiculous. Like when they see each other, they're like, why do we all look like Teddy Perkins? But then when the white family sees each other in blackface for the first time, they're like so turned on. It's nice. I love black. I mean, visually and somehow heart-wise, there's a warm. Thank you. You look like a really nice man. Oh my God. That's funny.

The black dad who's in white face goes to a golfing range to see if they'll think he's white. And he's like, hello whites, love those clubs. Where'd you get them? And they're like, why do you look like Jeffrey Dahmer with the media? And the white girl with the black chaperone has to see if she'll pass by writing and performing slam poetry. Oh. I really love words. I do.

And like, to me, you can ever have enough adjectives. not looking good a ritual so profound the taste of sex the body flush with hot and sticky fantastic little weird why is this white family

so hoardy yeah yeah hold on god damn but no one in the show is worse than the white dad Bruno you know it's just

hey nigga I look forward to having someone say hey nigga you know you're a son of a bitch I hate you nigga I'm kind of waiting for somebody to go This man was dying to say it.

Oh my God. I couldn't wait. So to test if racism exists, Bruno goes to a car dealership in Blackface, and he's disappointed because he wanted them to be like, hey, slave, you can't buy a car. And they didn't. So he says racism doesn't exist. Then the white family goes in Blackface to sit at a panel with black people to hear their experiences on racism.

But this is what happens when the facilitator asks if anyone's been called a derogatory name. Yeah, I used to work as a doorman at a disco, you know, and if somebody came up, intoxicated or didn't have the right dress on, you know, they said, come on there. You know, a lot more hostile than that. And I just, you know, yeah, that's right. I'm there. It just wouldn't affect me, and that would be the end of the conflict.

He was dying to use it so much. He used it in a clip thing 30 times. Which means, yeah, that's a lot of filming. Yeah, you can see everyone around him. Like, huh? Yeah, for them to piece that together, you really got it. Yeah, dropped it a lot, yeah. I love that he's like, well, the big thing is I really enjoyed the pass that I got by putting this makeup on.

That's my big takeaway. I mean, look, the one thing I'm wondering is like, is the makeup convincing anybody? And how did they, I don't know. That part. He does not seem convinced. The daughter didn't seem convincing. No. No.

the makeup is really my thing i mean they look they look like they look like they look like they look like they're white people in blackface is the way it comes across to me yeah does it does it look like that to you guys oh yeah yeah yeah 100% right like you go this is a white person wearing a costume yeah the the the black dude i think the black dude's that's like trying to be a white dude yeah yeah that looks like the dave chappelle's kid yeah that's not even close i mean i kind of in this image you know this is also a heavily photoshopped image like the mom seems kind of passable and like i think the daughter could pass yeah but it's also like this still image when she when you saw her

actually live moving around oh man i'd be so nervous as a white person trying to pass for black oh my god amazing the kid looks good yeah no they make them look better in this photo yeah and they did on camera the woman just looks like a light skin black woman yeah yeah 100% Yeah, that's not a good job Yeah Oh man That's crazy

I would be so nervous I want to see this show I know, I know Yeah Because what if they're like Are you wearing Blackface makeup? No

No, what's you're talking about My skin right now? Oh my God Yeah Dude they were so horny for each other Did you see that? Yeah

He's like I love you He's so beautiful Oh shit You seem like a nice man You seem like a nice man That was her flirting. We're fucking weird, dude. I mean, we're a production studio.

Why don't we just remake it? I can do it with the staff. It's a really good idea. I'll do white face. You do white face? Hey, everybody. Hey, everybody. Do you have your white voice down?

Oh, yeah. You fucking kidding me. Hey, guys, how's it going? Beautiful day we're having. Oh, that's good. That's really good. Can you do a southern? Observations about the day.

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You don't hear it? Oh, I don't even notice it. I usually drown it out with the radio. How's this? Oh, yeah, way better. Save on insurance by switching to Bel Air Direct and use the money to fix your car. Bell Air Direct, insurance, simplified.

Conditions apply. It's about the humidity, honestly. The humidity is really what gets you. I got you. You got the whole white thing down. Who would you do in Blackface? Who would you put in Blackface? Whoever wants to take the risk?

No, but I mean, we're going to go all out. I'm not going to do it. We'd go all out. We would not do just some, like, a tan, you know? Like, we're not just going to put, like, like, toner on or whatever. How would we do it? Like, in Soulman, would we make them take tanning pills? No, no, no, no.

I'm saying we would do the skin tone. Yeah. We would do hair, but we would also do prosthetics. Oh, yeah, make it look. Yeah, they could have done prosthetics. Prostatics to, like, really convince, yeah. Yeah. I mean, who knows?

Maybe the makeup's so much better now that they can even do that shit up then. Anybody on the staff really want to. Does anyone want to be black? I'm pretty sure I know one person in here that would. Who's that? Tanner. I think he would like the opportunity. Something tells me he would do what the dad did too.

What's up? Oh my God. Bick-ya? Big-ya. Which one of the girls? That's not going to... Can I pass? Oh, you should do it.

That's a good idea. Me? Yeah. I can't pretend to be black. I know why does a dorkiest nerd... That's why you got to do it. You can... understand what people have been through.

Oh, fuck. You know? And then after that, I'll send you to this place. Oh, yeah, this one. Welcome to America. Tell me what you're thinking. Just so much. Kleenex is blue.

Uh-huh. I've always been interested in history and the history of black people. I took Afrocentric classes at U.S.L. My grandma lived at 2821, West Kentucky Street. I've read so many books

and now I belong to a church that's primarily African American and I wouldn't be anywhere else. Beautiful. Thank you. I know. You know what reminded me of when we went to the apartheid museum and we were like what everybody's fucked up leaving there

dude that's exactly what it reminded me of when we when i found this i was like i was so excited that someone was going to hit her though like that's what like start beating her yeah like someone just you see a whip just go yeah she's like ah yeah and they're like welcome to america bitch get in the fields bitch yeah that was nothing no they need to bid her i agree you know what tom yeah You're fucking right. Can I tell you why the apartheid Apartite Museum was so effective? Yeah.

Remember when you check in, they give you a card and either you're a white, mixed, or a black. And you have to go in a separate entrance, colored. You have to go in a separate entrance dependent on that.

And I was like, oh, that's so fucked up. So that's just the beginning. Blancas. But anyway, yeah, they should have been beating her and reprimanding her. That apartheid museum

is unbelievable. yeah that's a real bummer man yeah yeah that one really gets the point across oh my god yeah then we did a show that that's it that's where you enter in blancas non-whites yeah yeah you know what though i do like how she rattles off like her black credibility though she's like my grandma lived on 4527 martin luther king i go to a church now i like blacks i swear i've always had an interest in black And the guy's like, okay, okay. He's like, you pass. You're a cool one.

I mean, obviously. She's so traumatized, this lady. But obviously you're down with black people if you're willing to, like, go through that experience, you know? Of course, of course. But she still has to give her credibility. She's carrying a lot with her. A lot of guilt. Yeah.

She's like, is there a reason you feel this way? I wasn't that nice in high school. Ah. So, yeah, here's a change of pace, though. You might like this. Sure. My name is Christopher Torres, and I took a picture of these ladies behind me. You took a picture of my behind.

Yes, I did. Absolutely. And what are you going to do with our picture? Um, I'm not sure. I'll maybe later on I'll figure it out. Yeah? Okay. Awesome.

You're going on TikTok. That's cool. All right. You're fucking creepy. Oh, I'm creepy because I like beautiful women. Yeah. You're fucking creepy. Yeah, you're fucking creepy.

Yeah, you're fucking creepy. You are the problem in this world. I'm a problem? Yeah. You're a huge problem. Yeah. It's my body. You're not going to take a picture of it. I'm not touching your body. All right. You're not. You're not a fight. I'll see you want to take that. All right. Bye. That was kind of cool. You've been to Saudi Arabia.

Yeah. What would happen if he'd pulled that in Riyadh? Took a picture of beautiful woman? I don't know. Depends where he falls in the hierarchy, I think. He'd be allowed to if he had a certain last name. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah.

But that's cool that he's like, what, I can't take a picture of a beautiful lady? Yeah. No one's ever taken a picture of my ass. My name is Christopher Torres. And I took a picture of these ladies behind. My name is Christopher Torres. Christopher Torres, I take a little picture of those ladies behind. Yeah.

I do love these soda machines that he's using, though. Aren't those the greatest? There's, like, all those varieties. Oh, my God. You see them in movie theaters, right? Yeah. Because you can get diet, cherry, vanilla, coke. it's so good they should have these more places it's really great where's this fool at that he gets to have

that can you buy one of those yeah can we get one for the office how much are those that's throw a thousand dollars how much is a Coca-Cola freestyle machine god damn I imagine the maintenance is is a motherfucker yeah yeah for sure because all the syrups all the fucking carbonation you got to put in there yeah that's no joke but I do love the amount Coca-Cola freestyle 7100 oh it's an 80100

so expensive that's a fucking 90-100 that's a better even better how much are these no prices listed which no that means 20,000 doesn't give you any find the specs

bro come on it is really the maintenance that's going to kill you on us they're probably super sensitive and I bet they get broken a lot If anybody's listening and services these machines

The Coke freestyle machine Will you let us know if the maintenance Is a bitch on this? That's an old ass one That's an old ass one. That's an old ass one. That's a bullshit one too It's all little and shit You can't find out the fucking They don't fucking

Come on Bick Nya find it That says a grand There's no way There's no way It's not a grand That's like a mini one or something this is crazy that's a tiny one

dude why can't they make other things like this specific you know what I'm saying I'm gonna see if I can find it they should make like a popcorn machine that has all the different flaves you could put on there too or candy why don't they have freestyle candy machines

the brand new freestyle machine is in the $12,000 to $20,000 range for an outright purchase some say it can be 15 to 20 leasing placement example is 300 a month for people that just want to lease them. Oh, that's probably the smartest way to do it. When you see

cost, it's not just the machine. You'll likely need to commit to a supply contract with Coca-Cola, installation, plumbing, ice machine capacity, connectivity, ongoing cartridges. Yeah, it's a nightmare. It's expensive. Holy shit. All right, well, look into it. Let's try getting one in the lobby. That sounds

like a great idea. Such a waste of money. Everybody can have special Coca-Cola. I mean, if Coke wants to sponsor us and give us the machine. We've dealt with the Fortune 500s before. I don't know, dude. I don't know.

I don't know. I know. You want to see something wild? I know. Yeah. So I've somebody who just in the last few years started getting like real dad eyes, right? Yeah. Like my vision is declining by the minute.

Okay. And so every year I get my eyes checked out. Every year they go they're worse. And every year they go, you need new prescriptions. And so they take my glasses and I get all new prescriptions. So now I wear them almost all the time. You know, I don't wear them on stage or anything, but most of the time I have them on. I never had it, because I think glasses are so new to me, meaning like I didn't start wearing

them at all until I was over 40, I've always had this thing where I've just never felt comfortable with contacts. I've never done anything with contacts, you know, and I know a lot of people obviously use them, but then I saw this video and it's like, oh, it made me want to not use contacts more. down i don't like it and you can see can you lift it up a little bit there's a there's a third contact you look down somewhere we just removed two and a half contacts you can see this piece coming out there's more dude this is fuck how many record i don't know there's actually

oh god there's a whole waddle there i believe it What is going on? They're just all in their eye. She forgets that she's got... Give us a book of record patients. Oh, gosh. We're delivering. She's remembered.

She's got seven, eight, nine contacts up there. You can say that again. Is she elderly? I don't have to count them. I think I've already counted more than 10 or 12. Oh, come on. No, I'm serious. She's old.

Yeah, she's old. She's an old lady. We're mentally ill. The doctor removed a total of 23 contacts. Oh, my five. The lady would forget to remove contacts before bed and then they trap between her eyelid and eye. 23, just up there.

I'm surprised she can still see without the infection raging through there. Bro, that's like my worst nightmare. That's why I will never fuck with contacts. I know. To touching your eye at night to get that thing out and what if you forget or what if you don't wash it? You put your fucking finger in your eye two times a day.

At least, fuck that. You know what I wouldn't even fuck with either? Is that LASIC shit? I know it's supposed to fix your shit. I know. But like, bro, they screw that up. They have. And they have.

I've seen like pieces of documentaries on TikTok or whatever about people like fucked up LASIC. Yeah. That's it, dude. That's it. It's your eyes. You're done. You're done. You're done driving.

You're done seeing. You're done. Yeah. My friend was kind of allergic to whatever medication they used for LASIC surgery and he was blind for two weeks. What? Straight up blind. What do you mean? Will you Google what are the possible?

negative outcomes. What are you talking about? Allergic type of medicine. I have an aunt that did it and she can't drive at night now. Who? I have an ant and she got LASIC like years ago and now she can't drive at night ever. Cool. That's cool. Great. Let's see what the results say here. All right. Negative outcomes. Very common dry eyes that can reduce tear production. Great. This can occur visual disturbances. Glare, halo, starbursts, double vision. That's fun. Some people experience difficulty driving at night. Under correction or overcorrection, you still might need glasses or contact, sometimes a second procedure is required. Flap complications, removes a, creating a corneal flap.

If it heals poorly, it can lead to infection, result in wrinkles or displacement of the flap. Regression, eyes can gradually shift back toward your original prescription. Oh, no. Corneal ectasia, rare but serious. Cornea becomes weakened, begins to bolt. bulge may require specialty contacts or a corneal transplant. Inflammation or infection, risk is low, but it can happen. Loss of visual sharpness, a contrast sensitivity.

Some people notice that while they have 20-20 vision, things appear fuzzier. Oh, could you imagine? Eye pain or discomfort. Jesus Christ. You pay for that, you go through it, and then this shit happens. Oh, but here's the less common rare outcomes. This is what I'm talking about. Photophobia, light sensitivity, problems with eye tracking.

Incomplete correction, people with high prescriptions or thin corneas. Some patients report depression or anxiety after the complications. And you have higher risk if you have dry eyes already. You have a thin cornea. You have high myopia or hyperopia. You have an autoimmune condition. Yeah. No way.

I don't know. I don't want to. I'd rather wear glasses. But I will say I'm pissed that you like this particular frame because that's my frame. I know. And now I can't wear mine that are identical because then we look like Dorks. Yeah. So I have to find the clever, like, weirder ones. And this doesn't look as good. I like mine that look like that. I understand. You understand. You don't understand. When I can get different,

get some different sheds, dude. Yeah. You know, you should get tiny ones, like real tiny, thin, tiny ones. Yeah. Wire. Wire looks cool. You know, I think the all time, I mean, this is debatable, but great is fine. that this show ever came up with is what's up there chomo i mean right and we're always wondering is his spirit alive is he still with us you know you look for signs he is things in the universe little things that happen and you go he's still there he's here with us and sometimes we're told that we somebody has discovered a new version of him he's reincarnated yeah reincarnated it's his son or somebody So here's somebody who is accosting people that are minding their business, and therefore our buddy Herc comes to mine.

So let's just see where this guy goes. Check these bitch-ass cowards out. Bitch-ass fucking cowards. Check these people out. You fucking bitch-ass motherfuckers. Fuck you. He's like, what did you say? Hell no.

It's in the South, bro. Are you transgender person on the right? You look transgendered that hair style. You look transgender. Are you a man or female? I can't even tell the difference this day and age. You can't even tell the difference. Isn't that cool?

I love this. Just people doing their own thing. Sitting on their porch. Are you a male or female? I can't even tell the fucking difference. Teenagers. Kids. You can't even tell the difference this day and age.

You know, who's a male or who's actually a female. Yeah, we got it. Maybe you're transgender. He's not transgender. So that person right there, that person right there, supposedly, as part of the coldest Scientology, we've still got to further verify that. He likes to call in make baseless reports. That's what he likes to do.

And he cheated. Yeah, he cheated. Supposedly. This is what I was told from a third party. He cheated at his swimming competition. He took things that he's not even supposed to be taking during his swimming competitions, supposedly. Supposedly. Okay.

Just like last winter. I have a video of him, supposedly doing drugs. I don't know if that was drugs, but it definitely looked like it. Supposedly. You should handle your own problems. You should handle your own problems. Be a fucking grown-ass man. You act like a fucking girl.

All of you act like fucking girls. I've had somebody try to murder me with a car, and you don't see me act like y'all. Y'all are a bunch of pussies. Y'all are a bunch of weak-ass fucking females. That's exactly what you. what y'all are you're weak ass females y'all are not men y'all are fucking females okay i'll say this guy's got a lot of potential do we know anything more about him because i'm really feeling his style he's great uh oh that's him i discovered this man and he's uh he's the best

sigma sigma kai audits oh he's just going after sigma kyes mainly and wow and scientology i think that's such a cool lane yeah wow Also the police that defends Sigma Kai. Oh, wow. So these are all Sigma Kai guys that he's exposing. Yeah. Look it followed by. Bro.

Okay, start on the first one. Go to the first pin thing there. Stupid. Dude to see you. We're not to this right now, man. I just graduated. He wants to. like three cans attached to me oh and then just click the right arrow let's go to the next thing

this is my first ever interaction with sigma chitology fraternity i was auditing the street vendor and giving them compliments about their food when timid a communist Hispanic guy and oriental crackpot security guard from sigma chi came over and bark orders Oh, yeah, this guy has a lot of the same DNA. This is a public sidewalk. He's young, too. You don't own the public sidewalk. This is a public sidewalk.

I have every right to stand on a public sidewalk and film whatever I can film on the public sidewalk. But, like, is there anything I can do for you? No, nothing. You're just making a video or something? None of your business. This is a public sidewalk. I have every right to stand on the public sidewalk and exercise my... and exercise my First Amendment right.

You don't tell me what to do. You don't tell me what the fuck to do. Exactly. Wow. All right, close that. But you know what's really special? What? Is that we're getting...

I would like to thank you for having a great police chief and a great sheriff. Go ahead. Is that we're getting this guy young. Yeah. We can see him evolve into this. Right. Yes. Because, Hirk, we caught him at the end of his career of menacing.

And this kid, what's his name? He's young. He's the audit. He's the auditor. The auditor. Can you scroll down? This is great. Do you ever see him?

I know, I've got to see what he looks like. Is that a woman there that he's accosting? Please let it be a woman. Report real news. Why do you have to report fake news? Why don't you talk about how they have 50% of the budget? Why don't you ever talk about that? That's the same look he would get.

He's the same voice. Don't call me. Don't put me. Get out of our neighbor. Get out of our neighbor. Report real news, why do you have to... Dude, that even fucking sounds like him. That was insane.

I know that real ragged, hard voice. Yeah, so listen here. I have a thing. A trooper broke the law yesterday in Oklahoma. And, um, stamp on a baby stamp on someone's face is a rape charge. Do you be? Yeah.

What? What? What? I give somebody the stamp. What? Huh? The stamp? What?

Yeah. Do it, Tom. Do the porn. What? Yeah. What? You'd you guys get over here and suck my dicks. There you go.

Is that how he says? Yep. Dude, this guy is awesome. This guy's great, dude. Good find, Annie. We're parked illegally quit. Quit, quit, quit. Yeah, it's just a little ride down memory lane.

It brings back such good time. Oh. Ah. Fuck, dude. Yeah. Poor dog. Oh shit, dude. Fuck, fuck.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, shit, dude. Fuck. Fuck. Oh. Oh. Yeah.

Light your brain on fire. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

By the way. are you done well i'm sorry let me get let's get the giggles out first psycho tim you know how hard it is to pull a tooth out that's a lot the roots and that's a back one so he's not feeling it so the amount of meth you've got to be on to not feel it yeah because i've seen hungarian dudes do this on the internet vodka but they're drunk, shit. Yeah. He doesn't look drunk, dude. Yeah.

Well, that was really something, man. He's got, like, nice art on his ceiling. Yeah. The girl with the pearl earring or something on there? Oh, shit. That was awesome. Remember when he's like, oh, like a skinny woman, 112 pounds? Yeah.

I can't wait for the Sigma Chi guy. To start getting horny? Yeah. Yeah. Me too. Yeah. Because right now he's just in his, I'm menacing the other guys. Yeah.

Which is bold because five of those Sigma Kai guys could beat his ass. They have really good dispositions, though. They were all kind of like, the guy's like, can we know? I just graduated. He's so sweet. Could you just move along? I found one of the rare videos where you see a little bit of him. That's him in the beginning right there.

So they know him. We're like, here's fucking Trevor. That's a, that's your name, sir. What's your name, sir? All right. You're being video recorded too. Yeah, whatever You don't see him again, but that's

Okay He goes around wearing the phone So this is the cops POV? Yeah This is a body can so it's showing him Recording everybody else Wow University of Washington

So he's up there, okay I'm sorry, it's Washington Sorry in the Seattle That's him, huh? Oh, that's in Meat Rattle Yeah Oh, I thought they were in South Mm-mm

They had little y'all there Well I think those first ones were in UCLA That said it I mean the kid had a UCLA shirt So that could have been like those Westwood frat houses, right? Yes, yeah. But yeah, like Hercke, he's all over the place. Yeah, he's moved.

He's wherever the chariots go, right? Exactly. Looking for white chariots, man. Wow, I'm really excited. I mean, that is the spirit of Herc out there, for sure. For sure, yeah. I believe in reincarnation. I love the newscaster's face.

She's like, get the fuck out of here. Another crazy person. Roaning my thing. This fucking gosh. Look at her. She's like, she's so over this shit. She's like, I have to fucking do the story on the frat house. It's bad enough.

Yeah. Crazy that he didn't hit the old lady back. That's the part where you're like, come on, man. Be yourself. You think so? Yeah. She came at him. Like, she came at him aggressively.

But would Herk hit a woman back? Oh, just like a Sigma Kai with a chick? Oh, let's see the dating. Yeah. He's going to be like. You got 390 likes. This is crazy. that's it that's it that's all he does just men just lets them know I'm recording you

and if anyone ever wears long socks that's his that's his big thing yeah what does he say about that he's just like why you're wearing long socks it's fucking stupid you're stupid okay that's pretty great ankle socks only for this guy this is a really cool channel i can't believe you guys uh oh happy breathing going up to the really fucking heavy late night food oh and also going towards cops oh yeah yeah that's another her thing that's meth that's meth yeah that's what dr drew

always told us yep i'm telling you man i found this like this is literally and then they don't have enough officers yeah shit oh i remember that that that bitch right there in the fucking middle i remember her you fucking ugly ass bitch I remember you

what Let me figure out who the hell you are And I'll ruin your fucking life Let me get your fucking play California or Montana C0P LV I'm going to run your fucking play I'm going to get all your information I'm gonna get posters to you

Who the hell you think you are This is awesome This is one of the greatest days ever You will learn about me You will fucking learn about me Who the hell do you think you are? You will fucking learn about it I like how the cops aren't stopping him.

Oh, what hell do you think you are? All they have to do is go, sir, fuck off, you know. Bitch, who the fuck do you think you are? Let me get a good picture of your face and run you through facial wreck. Oh. Run you through facial wreck. Let me get all your shit. Sweet.

Yeah. That's just a nice kid. Yeah, he's like, God bless you. It's one of his classic threats. He says he's going to run you through facial wreck. Uh-huh. And he's going to find all your information and he's going to post you online and expose you. That's cool.

So cool. It's pretty great. Please keep a close eye on this guy. Oh. Oh, yeah. Also, another anger guy, different scenario, though. Right, they're fucking. I'm just chatting in your mouth for a second,

so we can just have a video without you screaming in the back. Thank you. Hey, suck my fucking dick. Hey, let's be respectful. Hey, suck my fucking dick, you, bitch, bitch, fuck you, you, bitch. You're just gators. There's gators. What is wrong with you?

Fuck you, you, bitch. show me your titties you dumb fucking bitch I'm on a boat what the fuck are you gonna do I'm fucking free bitch I'm free disrespect me you bitch yeah fuck you shut the fuck up

and look the other way you bitch what is going to fucking dumb bitch like who's videoing this guy's trying to video the crock or whatever I always get it mixed up yeah bitch

yeah you dumb bitch you know who the fuck you're talking to right sharing a boat with this fucking guy? I would be so upset. I know. You know who the fuck you're talking to right now? I'm done now.

I'll leave the hostel. You think I'm going to get disrespected? The hostel. I want to say it's some goddamn hostel from some dumb bitch. I'm the fucking king of this boat. I'm the biggest goddamn thing on this boat. I'll take all. fucking nine of you bitches

for that fucking dumb right there fucking bitch who the fuck you think you're goddamn talking to you dumb bitch I'm fucking can you dumb bitch I'm stupid aren't you yeah I'm dumb sorry but

push him in the fucking day yeah I'm dumb I mean what do you bitch? What do you do in that? I don't know what do you fucking do the guy's throwing beer cans at your head the cool thing would be if somebody would hit him into the wall

That would be the best. That would have been the sweetest moment of this video. Somebody just fucking bap hits him and then he goes off and then a gator comes in there like, jumps him up. He's going. Because I, if reincarnation is real, I might go out that way, pushing this off a boat. Him falling, getting eaten by a gator. If I go to jail, I might kill myself in jail.

Yeah. Whatever, it'd be worth it. It's fine. To do that guy in for being a bitch like this. scaring women and stuff I mean that's I mean that's yeah that's and it looks like they're abroad somewhere right yeah yeah yeah where is this

like does it say where it is Australia no no yeah we don't have it but not America definitely yeah well yeah it's cool how Americans act when they're abroad it's always nice yeah until they got tagged with

crazy American has breakdown and there's nobody down there actually does it does the name does it actually do they figure it out you know somebody oh but it says crazy american so yeah foreign i just mean that his bio said florida so oh right yeah yeah scroll down just to see if anything else jumps out yeah it's like we know his name is john yeah got it um yeah see push him no it would be attempted murder but it would be worth it this infuriated me yeah it sucks and find him yeah yeah I don't think it's that

Nick guy though that's pretty wild bro that's really crazy he really lost his shit very exciting all right jeans time to go through what you've been pulling for us So here, here you go. Where is it? Jack. There we go. I heard you bitches were looking for me. All right.

So here's what you've been pulling. And hopefully it's going to be a nice ride, right? That's all I know. That's fun. Those are fun. This is, this should have been in last week's episode, but Halloween. This isn't Baltimore. It's a good prank.

For those listening, it's fun. For those listening, it's my, to Michael Myers mask pulling up next to people in traffic and then looking at that. Oh, the guy's so high. He was like that. That's so funny, dude.

That's great. That's really fun. That's pure, simple fun. Yeah, it's a good one. That's really good. And then he also has, like, the mega horn. Like the horn blaster thing. So people are more scared.

I might do this with the kids. That's fun. In the car. They would love that. They would love this, prank. They wouldn't like it done to them. No. They'd love to watch them.

Yeah, I might do this. This is too fun. You know what's crazy? I outlived Ozzy. I outlived Hulk Hogan. I outlived macho man Randy Savage. Jesus. I made you homeless, but I'm alive.

I love life. Oh. That one actually made me happy. That's a really good perspective. Yeah. Yeah. He's probably done a lot of drugs. So many.

And he looked at his poor little face. Yeah. But I like that he's out in the sunshine, riding his bicycle. Yeah, and he said, it might be homeless, but I'm still alive. I love life. It's pretty cool. Life affirming. I'm not usually like that, but.

That's, yeah. Very strange departure for you. But yes, I like that one. Yeah. Good job. Okay. Where's the next fucking one, Tom? No.

I've been hanging out with this dude. For a little while. Didn't know he was for. I was freaking married, first of all. Yeah. Manning had been fooling around and shit. Ugh. Ugh.

My pussy broke out in a fucking rash, thought it was fucking something serious. So I went to the fucking urgent care. Tell them what was going on. So they made me pee in a cup, run some tests. I thought it was something serious. It runs a test of me and everything.

It turns out it dreads a bacteria infection. So they gave me some medicine. Everything's going to be fine. Yeah. Aren't you happy for it? Has a happy ending. Fuck. Any, would you?

My fucking God. On your most desperate, your darkest hour. Bro, you could, I'd rather, honestly, I'd be gay before this Holy shit Well that's a YMH Exclusive Where's the sound effects for that?

We can just stop at everything else after this Wow Honest Cats eating kibble chips in a bowl This is a YMH exclusive I never And he's now gay You heard it here first

Holy shit so that's how bad this is this is the worst thing you've ever seen in your life literally in my head I was just thinking who the fuck smashed this who who did that there's no way man

you have to why this is also too I also you know I'm sorry I just have to say this there's young men out there some even not so young that are frustrated I can't get late I can't get late I just want to get you can get late you can get late there's someone out there

that'll fuck you you're just not putting yourself in enough situations. It's a numbers game. But also remember last episode with Ryan, we were asking, who is having sex with the pudding guy? Yeah. I'm thinking the love match here.

I think you might see the pudding guy and go like, I'm connecting some dots. Yeah. Ew. Oh. You like that, baby. His dirty tongue. Orange.

Yeah. She would, though. She nasty. She liked that Oh man It was But it's just a bacterial infection It's fine

You just take some drugs We're all good now Yeah stupid Whoa Hell motherfucking yeah That's the shit I just like That was stupid

Dude that was badass Yeah That's kind of right That's a good That's a good role He did a good front roll Yeah dude Yeah dude

He threw his shoulder down The way you're supposed to That's a jujitsu Yeah and he didn't You know It landed on his head or neck It was perfectly executed. Big man could do it right. Yeah, dude. This guy fucking crushes. He kind of crazy enough.

He kind of looks like her. All right. Here's the next one. Hey, you guys know when you guys catch a cool little buzz? And then you got the munchies for you about to eat some food. I'm about to eat some food right now. I caught a cool little buzz, you know? Yeah. I'm about to call it a night. I fucking love her so much. I know. I miss L.A. I want you obsessed with me. Yeah. I love her. I miss L.A. just for this. So great. fucking love Cholas, dude. Fool? Nope.

I forgot about this guy. It's crazy because this is who people should fear the most. Easily. We still haven't had a blink yet. Or a purpose to the talk. That was 15 seconds, no blink, just dolls that had the same expression that he has. Don't you think that the FBI should just go through TikTok and find, these accounts.

You don't think they're aware of him? No, straight in. I'm sure they have a whole fucking file on this guy. I would hope so. Just bang the door down. Just find the bodies. Find the bodies. Find the bodies.

Yeah. He's got women that look like that in his house. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I imagine a breath on that mouth. we've been married 13 years in two and a half months I want to be a hundred years old

she's loving life I've never seen a more beautiful woman in my life than this one I never walked up to a strange woman in my life and I was backstage at the Emmys I guess Zag Awards just waiting to go on

she walked by without even thinking I jumped up and said hi I'm dick And I found out she was a makeup lady Hired her and now we've been married 13 years and I couldn't be happier Happy birthday sweetheart Thank you Thank you for coming to my birthday party

They brought me a cake You want to sing happy birthday to me again Happy birthday Okay Thank you for coming to my birthday party You're married dummy You don't think he's going to come to your birthday party? So that means they met when he was 86 and she was 41, right?

So imagine you basically meeting an 86-year-old who's like, hello. Hey, I noticed your lipstick. And that's why she, but she was going, how old are you? 80 what? Well, she also didn't have to go, how old are you? She looked at him and she was like, oh, here's a guy on Death Store. Of course. Of course.

And she's like, oh, dude, I have to put in maybe a handful of be G's, BJ's. Yeah. He's going to be out of here in no time. He's got tops. She was probably thinking like two years. Yeah, dude. You know? And now look.

And he's like, no, I turn a hundred. She's like, that's great. Are you happy you're here at the party? Do you want to sing again? Huh. I birthday to you. This poor woman Holy fuck

She's put in the time Who's uncle at the top And auntie at the bottom is this This shit God damn Donkey cone booty You like that one That was great

Who's uncle at the top And auntie on the bottom Is it? That's crazy bro This is a message for the FBI I am no longer at my house I am no longer occupying my domicile You will not find

me, I am loose. I have all my devices with me. Good to know. Good to know. But like, I mean, I guess if the FBI is checking your TikTok account, that works. Yeah, if the FBI is like, hey, we see what Chuck's up to today? And then someone's like, he's not home anymore. And he's got all his devices. Yeah. But just, Chuck, just so you know, I reposted this as a story on my Instagram. And you tag the FBI, right? Of course. Yeah, of course. That's who I want on me is the FBI. Fed's check them out. That's what I want. Here we go.

Here you go. What made you think that was a good shirt to wear to court this morning? That's all you can find. That's all the only shirt you had in your closet. World's best farder. That's great. No, it says, I can read it. I see what it says at the bottom.

You're in felony court. You need to dress appropriately to felony court, and that's not appropriate. No, no, I saw what it says. It's as a, I mean, father. There's also like a direct correlation between how you end up in felony court and what you think you should wear to court, you know? Like, there's a reason you're there and you're probably like, what? Yeah, there's a disconnect in logic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was just, I mean, shit, I don't know. Like, really, you never stopped for a blink of an eye in the mirror and thought you'd wear your fart shirt to fucking felony. court. All right. Cool, man. Could you imagine? Isn't there a law against that? No. Showing up disrespectfully in front of a judge. It's not a law.

It's not a law. You should be penalized for not dressing appropriately in court. You get penalized by the judge's discretion. So the judge feels like it is a complete insult to her and her court, so she's going to dress them down, which is what she's doing. It just reminds me of the guy. Remember the guy who was like, sorry, he was doing the video one and he's like hey um you have a like a failure to appear and you have a revoked license are you driving right now and the guy's like i just parked he's like yeah you can't drive he's like oh you see his like his shoulders drop he's like shit he just forgot he forgot he forgot it can happen you get convicted of a thing yeah his was i don't think it was felony court

but this is wild this dude might be you know this could be a serious crime Oh, for sure. I wear my fart shirt. Stand before the judge today. It's insane. I think they should find you for showing up in court like this, and they should find you on airplanes for showing up in your fucking pajamas. What kind of fines you're talking about?

Something small, 100 bucks. If you show up in your fucking pajamas and slip slips, you should either got to go home and change and wear normal clothes or you can a hundred dollars. Get the fuck out of here. It's really crazy. You can put on pants, dude. I know. I know.

You don't need to wear. very bikini on the fucking planet. This was fun, but we got to wrap. We still have a full day. I know. This was a lot of fun. I love you, and I don't love your glasses. I wish you would choose different frames

so I can go back to wearing mine that are identical. You got cool Neil Brennan's on today. Those are red. Don't fuck. See, this is the problem. I want my old glasses back. It's my look, and you stole it. It's my look.

Everybody knows I wore those before you did. And I can't find a pair that I like as much. Just have to deal with it, bro. Shout out to Diabetes Barbie. And thank you all for watching and listening. We both did it at the same time. Beautiful moment. It was a beautiful moment.

And yeah, we'll see you out there soon. What is this? This comes out. November feet. In a few days, in a week, I'll be shooting my new Netflix special. If you're in the Milwaukee area. The Saturday shows are sold out, but I think there's still tickets for the Friday show if you want to come. And Milk Donkey.

It's Milk Donkey, and it's going to be on Netflix. Netflix. All right. Bye, my new lipstick. I love you. Bye. See next time. Vocal?

Vocal? Vocalcle. I'm a man-n-de-did-d-d-d-d-da-d-d-d-d-d-n-a-n-ma-ha-ha-ha-ma-a-h... Vocal? ...bocle... ...boh-de-de-d-d-d-d-m... ...and-moy... ...bocal?

Vocal pride MAD MAD DAD Vocal pride is everywhere Speech path Speech pathologists call it a disorder Disorder.

Disorder. Disorder. Disorder. Disorder. Disorder. Disorder. Disorder. Disorder.

Disorder. Disorder. Disorder. Disorder. Disorder. Disorder. She's a little vocal fighter. Yeah.

Vocal? Right. Vocal? Vocal? Right. Bha... Vocal? Right.

Vocal? Vocal? Vocal?