Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - FedSmoker Jr Strikes Again! | Your Mom's House Ep. 836

Episode Date: November 12, 2025

Tom will be filming his new stand-up special in Milwaukee at The Riverside Theater on November 14th & 15th! Tickets are still available in Milwaukee for the November 14th show. Go get your tickets now at https://tomsegura.com/tour. SPONSORS: - Go to https://Helixsleep.com/YMH for 27% Off Sitewide. - Head to https://BlueChew.com to get your first month of FREE with promo code YMH - Head to https://www.squarespace.com/MOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code MOM. It’s almost Jeans-giving, and Tom Segura & Christina P are feeling thankful for historical revisionism, meth-fueled prophets, and the sweet smell of 1700s body odor. The Main Mommies kick things off with a totally factual retelling of Thanksgiving, then dive into life (and death) before antibiotics — when losing a tooth could mean losing your brain. Tom unveils his plan to hit 3% body fat “just to feel something”, Christina confesses her papier-mâché addiction, and they dissect the seeming reincarnation of everyone’s favorite tweaked out double agent asking cops, “What’s your serial number?” Add in J. Lo’s silent treatment to her bus driver, a Barbie with diabetes, and a guy who physically can’t eat a pickle — and you’ve got a classic hour and some change of unhinged YMH magic. Your Mom’s House Ep. 836 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:45 - A Stinky History Lesson 00:08:06 - Opening Clip: What's Your Serial Number? 00:15:49 - FedSmoker Jr 00:20:46 - A Quick Lipshits Plug 00:21:46 - Clip: Cool Neighbor Lady 00:25:48 - Tom’s 3% Body Fat Plan 00:32:15 - Vial & Disgusting Fat Guy 00:38:25 - Christine's Craft Hoarding Intervention 00:43:33 - Piss Break & Diabetes Barbie 00:47:28 - Jennifer Lopez 00:58:35 - Clip: Master Of Clits 01:02:13 - Clip: Afraid Of Pickles 01:06:42 - Horrible Or Hilarious 01:12:15 - Clip: Ryan Wants To Be Recognized 01:13:12 - Wyatt Buhl 01:18:00 - Closing Song -"White Girl (With A Fat Ass)" by Odd-Track Numbers Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, everybody? I'll be in Milwaukee this weekend for three shows at the Riverside Theater on November 14th and 15th, filming my new stand-up special. I'll also be in Las Vegas on Friday, November 21st at Dolby Live. Get your tickets now at tomsegura.com slash tour. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Mercy is coming to theaters, January 23rd. This is the mercy core powered by artificial. Intelligence. Detective Raven, you're charged with the murder of your wife. I'm not guilty.

You have 90 minutes. To prove it. Or you will be executed. He must use the tools. Every camera and cell phone is at your disposal. To solve the mystery. Can I see my daughter's socials? You hear that? Someone was in my basement. Chris Pratt. Maybe if she found something she wasn't supposed to. Rebecca Ferguson. You must move from one piece of the puzzle to the next. No, I have something here. Oh my God. Mercy. Rated PG-13. Maybe inappropriate for children under 13. Only in theaters January 23rd. Welcome to another episode of Your Mama's Place. And we are here and we're queer and we're not going anywhere.

Not until we get our rights. So get married to your dog and listen to this show. It's going to be a good one. It's almost things. It's almost genes giving. I know. I know. It's coming right up.

My jeans are so tight for it. This is the day that fucking the Indians were walking around, just fucking blowing wind out of their mouths at the air. hoping that it would rain. And luckily, the Europeans came and said, let us show you how it's done. And it was a really nice day. And they came and they're like, we have bread and we have chickens and guns.

Do you want to try them? And then everyone became friends. And that's kind of a neat thing about Thanksgiving. It is. That's exactly how it happened. That's how everybody became friends. Yeah. You know, can you imagine?

I always think about this, how cold it was outside. So cold. So cold. And how hot it used to be, too. We've had air conditioning like 60 years. You'd imagine what it was like to live like here in Texas. Oh my God.

In the 1850s or something? Oh my God. How horrific that would be. But even those settlers, like, they were all, fuck you, England. I'm going to go do my shit in America. I'm going to take a boat across the ocean. So miserable. And then they showed up here and they're all, whoa, it's cold as fuck, huh?

It's all snowing here and shit, dude. And they're like, these Indians got to teach. just had a, you know, but again shelter. Well, we forget how common death was. I know. Death just happened all the time. It wasn't weird. Like, it wouldn't be like, oh my God.

Everyone was like, yeah, someone, like 10 people died. Just dust. Well, I was thinking how many times, like, you and I would have been dead already. Oh, my God. Like, when you broke your arm and snapped your Pateller tendon, you probably would have just died. Well, yeah, people would be like, what were we going to do with them? Can't do anything anymore. Just let them die here.

they wouldn't even have picked you up no yeah I was gonna ha ha and then they would be like just leave them I don't know they'd throw some food down eat that and then die well they definitely would have amputated

your arm like you would be and if you lived through that oh my gosh they probably didn't have wheelchairs and how crude would the amputation be they'd be just a saw and they'd give me some tequila

yeah you'd bite the stick it'd be so cool and then I broke my ankle I would have had I would be amputed Just cut shit off. But way before then, I'd been so, I've gotten sick so many times, you know, where like you had to have antibiotics and everything. They just would have been like, yeah, he's just, he's dying. It's fine.

Or like, um, ear infection? You're like, I'm just deaf. I'm just deaf. Death and dead. Yeah. Yeah. How do people live? How did you even survive?

You had to be one tough motherfucker. Or even like tooth decay. You get a cavity, dude? Then you get brain rot. Just go right into your brain. Or they just ripped out your tooth. No anesthesia. Yeah, we'd all have brown, yellow, and missing teeth.

You'd go, and it'd be like four teeth left. You know how I'm a gay lord for like the 17, 1800s and like the court and all that? Yeah, the gayest person ever. Okay. Yes. So I'm really into like Marie Antoinette and that court. That's so gay. Do you know back in the day like when all those ladies had those massive gowns?

You know? It's not like you fucking pull your pants down. and you take a shit in the bidet. So they had chairs, like wooden chairs, that you would, like, hoist your dress up in and then hopefully you sit down and take a pish. And of course it wasn't flushable. There's no plumbing.

No, I know. That's another thing, plumbing. Thank God. And how people would smell. I think about that sometimes. All the time. Just you're sitting in your layers of velour, you know, there's like five layers just cooking in there.

I know. And then bathing with it was a task. So they'd just be like, well, do it in a few days. Are you bathed with like your bathing costume? Or imagine the smells that would come out as you took them off. Like it would finally the smells would come out. And then someone was like, you want to fuck? And you'd be like, oh.

Well, I was watching this comedy called the DeCameron. I'm probably not saying it right on Netflix. It's so good. And there's this one scene where these two lesbos are eating each other out. Nice. And I was like, dude, like how bad does that one chick's? beaver smell. You know, they don't shower in the whole thing. Yeah, this is so funny. It's so good. I'm going to fluid bond with Jesse. I'm probably not saying right. The decammerin. It's really smart and really

funny and well-acted. I have no idea. Can you look that up, Josh? I'm sure not. DeCamble. It's a historical whatever play. It's Italian, I believe. All right. And the music's cool, whoever did it. Okay. Okay. There you go. How to pronounce the name of this book originates a book and it's also a TV series Netflix. So let's break it down how to pronounce it.

Yeah, dude, go for it. The Cameron. The Cameron. The Cameran. If you want to learn how to pronounce character names, absolutely state. Okay, well, anyway. The Camerran. It's brilliant.

It's so funny and dark in the music. insane and the acting is insanely funny. Great. And they eat each other out in like the smelliest time. Are they like, oh. It's during the plague. It takes place. Oh my God, your pussy smells.

No. I wish. It takes place during the plague. So everyone's dying left and right. It's a plague comedy. Do you realize how common death would have been to you then? Yeah. You would be like everyone I know is dead.

Yeah. Everyone I know is dead. Yeah. That's the joke. Like that's the long running joke is how frequent people died and characters. you love just die. But how would that affect, I'm saying, your life? You would just, you would not attach yourself to anyone, right? You would have like a distance of everybody. You know what? It's like being old. Yeah. Because the elderly don't like new relationships I've heard. Like you don't want to get

married at 80 because you're like, why am I going to do this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I agree. You're probably way more flipping with your behavior. But they did believe in an afterlife. So there is a threat of heaven or hell. So you probably weren't a total piece of shit. But you were like fuck it dude. Like I don't gonna fuck I'm gonna die. Fuck a dude. I'm fucking die. Oh fucking whatever homie. Oh shit. Whatever. Give you that hole. Come on. Probably were just into. I wonder if they effed as much as they do in like the tutors and my TV shows about Henry the ape. I think once everyone's dying around you, I don't actually think you go let's just fuck, who cares? You're probably just like, I just don't

want to do anything because everyone's dying. Yeah, like you're like, I have 25 years to live. I think your horniness probably dips down. Because you're bummed out all the time about death. You're like, God damn. I just, I just had lunch and someone died at the fucking table. Like, yeah. That is so true. Yeah. Because you're just like, oh, did you hear us Nicholas is dead? And you're like, oh, okay. What's for lunch? Yeah, it's that common. It's a lot. It's a lot of death. And your kids died. You had to have like 10 of them so that two would survive. Jesus Christ. All right. Um, uh, you ready to start this thing? Yeah. Got something good for you. Here we go. Oh, yeah. Here you go. Name a serial number. Uh-oh. I mean my ID number? Where's your serial number?

Yes. Like my people saw? Is that what you're asking? Your serial number. Please, my name's Chris. Okay, so could you please explain specifically what you're needing? So what is your serial number? That's how we do things with LAPD. So what is your serial number? Oh, okay, so you want like the employee ID number. Your serial number. That's not the same thing. Well, that's how LAPD does things. We're not in L.A. man, are we?

No, we're not. So what is your serial number? So if you want my ID number, it's 9-7-4-7-4. Okay, so that's your serial number? Fuck yeah. We're back, baby. So good, dude. Welcome to your mom's house.

Welcome, wild-down. With mom's Sigura, talk. And Christina Pajitzen. Welcome to your mom's house. Miao, biam, meow, meow, meow, meow, meo, yeah, meo, yeah, meo. Oh, feel it. Wow. How are these things different?

The serial number. Take it easy, fuck in. I mean, doesn't this make you believe in reincarnation? Yes. This is the same guy. It's the same guy. This is the same guy. And he's learned nothing.

Yeah, no, yeah. He's reincarnated to wreak havoc again. There's always a menace and it's him. It's him. God is like, we need this. I know I got to say this. This cop is like really handling this well. Oh, yeah.

Like, that's as good as a, like, an exchange can go. I know. If you're, you're questioning a cop. Hey, what's your fucking serial number? And the guy's like, what? And it's King County, right? So he's what? That's in Washington.

So he's like, and then this guy's like LAPD. He's like, yeah, we're not in L.A., buddy. We don't do that. He's like, anyway, what's your fucking serial number? I know, and he's so sweet. That's what we call PeopleSoftier. That's your employee ID. Nope, it's serial number.

No. That's how we can. In LA. Is this a joke or something? Are you, am I being pumped? I guess you got nothing better to do, but sit around here? Uh, finish my lunch, I did. You sitting here running the unit. Yeah. Running gas.

Cost maybe $50 to fill up the tank, $50, $100 to fill up the tank. Oh, no, no, gas prices isn't that bad. So why don't you turn off the unit since you have the windows down? Oh, otherwise the radio won't work. Well, you got your handheld radio. Uh, I'm supposed to keep that available. get out of the car and I can I say battery use. He didn't follow proto, buddy. You're done.

But how is it that he even has the same strain in the voice? I know. It's exactly the same. Probably a similar lifestyle. You know? Maybe the lifestyle makes your voice, you know? You nailed it. Yeah. Gene.

Yeah. Bro. Gene. You nailed it. But what is this lifestyle? Oh, I can go through it. Well, you don't really sleep in a regular pattern. You don't go like, well, my circadian rhythm's important. It's time to go to bed now. Right. You sleep at odd hours, usually probably minutes at a time. You eat street food and shit from 7-Eleven. Probably a lot of sugary drinks. You're sleeping in a car. Yeah. Or a bus or something. Yeah, you don't really lay flat on something comfortable. No, you're never laying flat.

The holidays are right around the corner, which means it's getting colder. and you're probably getting busier. Whether you're inside prepping to host everyone and their mom or you're out shopping for them, getting good sleep is the key to staying healthy this holiday season. Don't forget to gift yourself a great night's rest with a new Helix mattress, which is the mattress that Tim and I sleep on every night.

It is a dream come true. It just feels like a perfect thing for my body. from night sweats to back pain to motion transfer, say goodbye to the sleep issues that keep you up at night. Helix's sleep quiz will take your personal needs and preferences into consideration to match you with a perfect mattress. They even deliver right to your door with free shipping in the U.S. And you can rest easy knowing you're backed by seamless returns and exchanges with the happy with Helix guarantee. Go to helixleep.com slash YMH for 27% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com slash ymh for 27% off site wide. Make sure you enter our show name

into the post purchase survey so they know we sent you. Helixleep.com slash ymh. Guys, enter the room dick first. Bluechu isn't just a tablet. It's a cheat code for your crotch. Stronger, harder, longer lasting, like someone gave your downstairs a pep talk and a gym membership. Blue Chewable Tablets for Better Sex. I love what Blue Chewable Tablets for Better Sex. Makes it so much easier to go about my day and know that I can be rock hard whenever I want. Guys, this isn't just about performance. This is about legacy or third legacy.

Give her group chat something to talk about. You know when you lay it down, they're talking about how it gets up. Nothing makes you more of a legend than a little Blue Chew. Discover your options at bluechoo.com, and we've got a special deal for our listeners. As always, get your first month of Bluechew free. Just use the promo code YMH at checkout and pay five bucks for shipping. That's it. Join Bluechew's mission to upgrade humanity one thrust at a time.

Head to Blu.com for details and safety information. And big thanks to Bluechew for sponsoring the podcast. Yeah, you're ingesting things that are terrible most of the time. It's like a lot of AMPM hot dogs. And then there's like some natural gifts you were born with upstairs. And then you probably can exacerbate the situation by what other things you drink can smoke. Right. Or snort.

And I think too, maybe the yelling. Yeah. Makes your voice hoarse. A lot of yelling. Yeah. Especially to police officers. To the cops. And again, he also, how do they both find cops all the time that were willing to engage?

So sweet. Yeah. Most cops, I feel like if you were like, they'd be like, who fuck are you? Or they should. What are you doing asking me questions, asshole? You know, this one's so nice. I guess you got nothing better to do,

but sit up in the shade and apparently this is more important. All these homeless people. It's really not to do with me, but, okay. Yes, it is. You're sitting around doing nothing. Oh, my God. How much money do you get paid at $200,000 a year like LAPD? Absolutely not.

What do you just do? do you work for? Are you a certified peace officer in the state of Washington? I am. I'm a fucking American, you fuck. Mm-hmm. What was it? Drew said that

cocaine, you run away from the cops. Yes. You run too. Tourism, yeah. Cocaine, you see a uniform. You jump out of window. And on meth, he's like, you can see like 15 cops. You're like, I'll fuck all you guys up. Yeah.

You got to get it going, bud. That's so good. Yeah. What a treasure. Do we have any more? Fed Jr.? Oh, yeah. Fed Jr.

Sure. How you doing? He's filming these poor little sweet college boys. I guess you don't play a dress up. He sounds just like him. Just like him. You're popping a, what is that airline, softless airlines?

employees wearing shorts and that they look like a fool. Why did you know that? Yeah, why do you know that? How did you know? It cost you job, Amanda. Yo, how did you know that was a Southwest employee outfit? Like, I've seen them a million times. I couldn't tell you what their outfits are.

Some of these guys that get this like meth savant shit going on where they can somehow recall things they've seen in passing. It's fucking wild. It's astounding. It's astounding. I can't remember that. And that kid even said it. He's like, how do you fucking know that?

Yeah. Wow. This is just a fucking college sophomore. Sweet. Yeah. They're just doing their, they're mining their business. They're going to something. That's what the, the Herc legacy, I would say, is most known for is disrupt people who are just mining their own business and living their life peacefully.

But my favorite. But my favorite two, yes, that's true Tom, and that's what makes him so special. But I also liked when he would go into like city council meetings. Oh, yeah. Because you have to understand, too, that you've got to wait a long time. You've got to get through metal detectors. Oh, it's the worst. It's the whole thing.

You've got to listen to a lot of people saying boring stuff. Yeah. And then he waits for his three minutes or whatever. Yeah. And then you accost people. Yeah. Southwest all right? Yeah, it look like a fool.

If you're going to wear the top, you should wear the bottom. That's true. And that's true. He's right. Yeah. Maybe next time I see you, I'll have all your information. Yeah? Never know.

I'd be a little weird, though. It's a little creepy, isn't it? Yeah. You some kind of joke or something? Yeah. It is true, though, to wear a blazer and then khaki shorts. Oh, it's goofy as shit. Yeah.

It's a horrible look. But, you know, it's still just their kids. Yeah. They're kids just doing their, they're going to something together, right? They're probably going to some social event. Yeah, is that a fraternity look, Josh? Is that like a thing? Yeah.

Yeah, okay. So they're just, so he targets fraternity boys and police. Specifically, Sigma Kai fraternity. Yeah, Sigma Kai is what he's all about. What, what are the Sigma Kai about? Like, do they represent something that? I don't think so. I think he just is kind of obsessed with them.

I mean, do you know Coogger if there's more backstory to why that frat? I don't know. I mean, he also has some problems with Scientology. Well, yeah. The church of Scientology. He's got this convoluted conspiracy, I think. No. Really? This guy?

He's got another one here. Look. Oh. Look how cute these boys are. You're recording us? Yeah. What? Why? Why you're recording us? Because I want to. You good, bro? Yeah, have a good day.

Let me record you as well. How about it? Because I want to. No, but you can't do it without a permission, dude. Okay, what law is that? What? What? What?

Okay, what law says that? Can you name you the statue? I don't know. It's a general courtesy, dude. Okay, courtesy is not law. Have good day. Touching my camera through the fence, you, faggot.

Yeah. Pretty cool. It's statute, by the way. It's not statue. I thought I heard statue as well. Yeah. But, yeah, cool. I'm so...

Tata, there, return. I'm so excited to see the evolution of this talent. Well, it'll end soon. So, yeah, it's a great thing to get on now so we can see how it goes before it ends. Yeah. But, yeah. They burn out so fast these guys.

They do, man. They do. It's just the lifestyle of chasing white chariots and calling out, you know, baby rats. So yeah, it takes a lot out of you. It does. You have to enjoy them while they're here. While they're here. Listen, as long as we're here, let me plug my lipstick.

I'm wearing evermore liquid lipstick. This is nocturne is the shade. It's very dark and very spooky for fall flavors. Try it out. Also, check out my velvet crush blush. I have two shades out right now. It is so luxurious. I'm wearing them right now.

And, yeah, try it out, ChristinaVee. It's time to get into your holiday shopping now. Absolutely. And I would say order them now because I do limited batches. I order them in limited runs from Italy. Italy. It takes a while to get here. And then here's the different shades.

You can choose from. Oh, it's such high quality stuff, you guys. And it's fun. It's a little weird. Thanks, me. That's me. That's cute. That's what I do.

I smell. As well, I like that. So you guys want to get some blush with your backup? Can I do your face? Can I do you? No, I'm good. Why? I'm good. You know who else has a really interesting voice? Is the lady in this clip? Check this out. Thank you. My garbage disposal went out.

Oh, dang. I don't have one. Yes, you do. No, I don't. Why not? It wasn't one installed. So I gotta get one installed. These houses have always had garbage disposal. They always came with them. Not in mine. I never heard of such a thing.

He must have took it out. What a mum. Mother fucking wacko. Yeah, I don't have one. I got somebody. Positive? Yeah, I got somebody to check. I don't have one.

You looked under the sink? He did, yeah. It's not one there. Why would you do that? Yeah, I bought one. I got to get somebody to install it. What'd you buy? What'd you buy?

I bought one from Lowe's, but I'm a wait because I want a new sink. So I get it all done at one time. It needs to be three-quarters. Yeah. I just had to order one. It sounds like Joey T.S. Second time, third time, I've already replaced this. Mm-hmm.

Every 10 years, they go out. Well, at least you got one. I don't. Yeah, I've always had one. Mm-mm. I never heard of such a thing. Mm-mm. They all came with garbage disposals. Not me.

Why would you take it out? I don't know. Can I tell you something, though? Mm-hmm. This conversation is so stupid. Yeah. And boring. Yeah.

I'm like, I want to shoot myself listening to them. I just could listen to her talk for an hour. Incredible. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? They've never heard of such a thing. That's literally what she sounds like. They all came with garbage disposals.

This is a voice we are. Why the hell would you take one out? This is a voice. You and I heard a lot growing up because of cigarettes. Yeah, I know. It's another bummer. I know. We don't get these voices anymore.

They're only in people that are about to die. I know. This was like vintage. This bitch existed everywhere when you and I were kids. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And, you know, not to make it a thing, but it's also kind of, it also kind of sounds like, you know. We were fuck partners.

Yeah. They have same kind of register. Yeah. We were fuck partners. That's why I got a garbage disposal. Ugh. She sounds like Krusty the cloud. Yeah.

That is nuts. I wonder how much she has smoked to do that. Oh, but that, because who does Krusty? Is it Dan Castaneda? Castaneda. I mean, he's so good. It's that same crusty. Yeah.

Yeah. Dan. Yeah. It's that register. She's got to shredded up her voice over years. There's just thousands of cigarettes. Ripping darts. Ripping darts.

Yeah. No, I haven't smoked in years. That's what she would probably say. It's really bad for you. It fucked me up. Now I just, you know, I drink my teas. Yeah. Yeah.

This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace, the all-in-one platform designed to build your brand, grow your business, and succeed online. Whether you're selling services, booking clients, or just getting your ideas out there, Squarespace gives you everything you need all in one place. It's super easy to offer services. From consultations to online classes, you can book appointments, send professional invoices, and get paid all through your site. No more juggling, multiple apps,

There's a plethora of cutting-edge design and SEO tools available to build a custom website that's tailored to your brand or business. With their AI website builder and a complete library of award-winning website templates, you'll have a customized site in no time. So if you've been waiting for a sign to start building your brand, this is it. head to Squarespace.com slash mom for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use code mom to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. At MedCan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health, from the big milestones to the quiet winds. That's why our annual health assessment offers a physician-led, full-body checkup that provides a clear picture of your health today. And may uncover early signs of conditions like heart disease and cancer.

The healthier you means more moments to cherish. Take control of your well-being and book an assessment today. Medcan, live well for life. Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. God, I used to smoke so many cigarettes. Do you remember when we smoked? You just smoked like you were immortal. Yeah.

You were just like, I don't fucking care. And I'm going to go back. I'm going back, baby. When are you going to pick up cigarettes? Soon. I don't know. Really? I hope so.

Well, I do think, and this is probably an appropriate, appropriate to say, but, you know, I talked to my oncologist and she's like, there are people that smoke their whole lives. See? Never get lung cancer. I know. And then the person who never smoked a day in their lives. Gets lung cancer. Yeah, it's really crazy. Do what you're going to fucking do. Knowing my family history, it's probably not a good idea. But you guys are all made of cancer. Everyone's made of cancer in my family. On both sides. Both sides. There's like a zero percent chance that I'm not getting cancer. No, stop. Yeah. Well, hopefully it's an easy. one. A nice one. A nice cancer. Like, what's the dick one? The dick cancer that you just,

prostate cancer? Yeah, I'm not looking forward to that. What do you did? Because sometimes they don't even need to treat that. You just have to come a lot, right? No, that's not. Dr. Drew said that when he had it. Remember? No, no. I think you're, that's not the message. That's what, that's how he got cured. No, no, no. He had, he had, he had surgery. He had his prostate removed. And then he had to come a ton. He had to come once a day. He talked about this before. Okay, what we're talking about are two different things. It's that if you are active and ejaculating a lot, it's good for your prostate. It's good for your prostate to be active, right? Yeah. But once you have an issue with your prostate, if you have they don't go, just keep coming, it'll beat it. They have to surgically remove it. Yeah. But I'm saying for

you, for me in particular, wouldn't you love to get, if you have to choose, that kind, because then you can come a ton. No, I don't think you're understanding the situation. That's not how this works. Okay. He did say that on the rehab side of it, he had to come a ton. I wonder if my new diet that I'm on will help or hurt that. What are you doing now? So I hired a bodybuilder nutritionist and he gave me a plan and the goal is to get to, you know, like sub 5% body fat. What? Yeah. Is that supposed to happen? I mean, It's not, they said you can't maintain it for long because you feel like you're going to die. I just want to see what it feels like. What?

Yeah. But of course, you need some fat, Tom. Right, a whole 5%. Okay. Can you Google what's normal for a grown-ass man, especially an elderly man like my husband? Excuse me. Excuse me. Oh, you're elderly.

I'm not elderly. Aren't you 50 yet? 67. I'm 12 years younger than you. You look 5,000 years old. Yeah, babe, the normal body fat percentage for middle age. That's you, 40 to 59, is generally considered to be between 11% and 21%. I'm just going to do three.

I'm just going to try to get to three. Babe, you're going to have renal failure. That's fine. We already just went over. I'm going to die. That's true. You may as well be hot. Hit the show more stuff.

There you go. Essential fat. Necessary for survival. That's what I'm trying to get to. That's what you want to get to. I want to get to that. You're almost there. I want to get to like almost not alive.

Do Brad Pitt and Fight. club. Was he there? Oh, he was low. He was real low. What's the fun? Is it just to see your muscles and stuff? Yeah, just to see just to see how good you look? He was between five and six. Yeah, he was 155. It's crazy, dude. Yeah. Yeah. And that's what you're going to look like. And then you're going to die. Probably better than that because I'm going to go down to three. How long are you going to sustain this, babe? I mean, probably until you collapse. Apparently, you really want to die when it's that low. I talk to some people, they said, you really want to fucking kill yourself. Why is that?

You just feel like absolute shit. You feel like shit morning, noon, and night. And your tea drop, everything, you're just like, ah, you just feel horrible. And then you're like, take a picture. So it's just for the aesthetic. Yeah, yeah. And also just I want to see like how far I, what I will do as I'm pushing myself and I go, I don't want to do this anymore and how far I can push it.

You got to do a documentary. Yeah. Like the biggest loser, you know? Yeah. Sure. Yeah, I'll be fucking really funny, actually. Hey, here's a new doc about my body dysmorphia. Yeah.

What's the lowest you've gotten any? Do you know what your walk-around percentage is? Because you're real lean. I don't think I've ever checked. I'll pay for you to get a Dexas scan. Okay. What does that until? They tell you how fat you are.

You just lay down on this thing and it has a full, you get like a full, that thing right there. And then it just gives you, see, that image there on the right? Yeah. On the far right? Am I getting knocked out? No.

No, no, no. No. They're going to put anything in my ass? You just, nothing. You just lay still. That's optional. You just lay still. And then it shows you your skeletal structure and everything going inside and it tells you, like, it breaks it down like that.

It's horrifying. You know, touch me and shit? No, no one touches you. Yeah, okay, I'll do it. Okay. I'm interested. I want to know what yours is. What do you think it is?

He's like... I mean, I don't, I have no like, uh, reference for it. I have no barometer, yeah, I don't know. He's like a greyhound. Yeah. He's so lean. Yeah.

Greyhound. Yeah. Like a, you know, like a runner. Yeah. You're like a running animal. Yeah. You are like a little gazelle. Wait, why do men need fat, though?

Because women need it for like reproduction and like periods. I mean, various things, right? Like you, what? Well, your body uses fat as an energy source. And then it also provides you with some. insulation, like, you know. Dude, you're going to be so cold. I know, I'm already cold.

I'm colder than I've ever been. I'm cold all the time now. Yeah, that's just from dropping some weight. That's true. See, I always thought that was like a fat person myth. No. Or like, oh, you're just hot all the time. I used to stand up and start sweating.

So, yeah, it's pretty different now. This is exciting for you. Yeah. I want to be emaciated, you know. I know. Yeah. I know. You know, I grew up in the Kate Moss era, and like, nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

That's what she said. And it's like, it's so true. It looks so much better. It looks so much better. Yeah, of course. I was thinking of my disdain for that guy we saw at that restaurant. I know. I know.

I know. It was like we saw, we were in Boca and we saw a guy who was like the Monty Python sketch. It was just about I can't eat anymore. Yeah. Woffers, it's a Woffer thing. A fool. When you bring that up, it's like he eats so much that he explodes and pukes everywhere. And he's just like, just one little waffer.

I'll cut me anymore. I'm fucking full. It's such a great sketch. There I know. Those guys are so great. Yeah. But I get it. The thing, okay, can I tell you what makes me sad?

It's because we all want to be that guy. Right. You indulge. Yeah, but you have to, like, there needs to be a mechanism in your dumb brain that goes, stop it, dummy, because you're going to kill yourself. Yeah, and then some people don't have it. Or they do, and they just... No, you push past it. Yeah.

Yeah. Because I get mad because I go, like, oh, you're such a waste of life. Like, life is so precious and special to be a human, like, to be incarnated as a human. You won the lottery, the cosmic lottery. and like that's what you're going to do. It's crazy. I get so upset. I know.

That's what I was looking at that guy. I was like, you're so disgusting. Yeah. He was so vile. Yeah. He goes, hey, we got to move tables. It's not enough room over here. Yeah.

And everybody was like looking around. They're like, what do you mean? He was like, how can we fit, you know? And they're like, oh, of course, sir. And then they moved him to a table that was more room than they needed, but not if you're considering how fat he and his buddies. Well, the whole family was like, it was excessively large, I will say. So that people understand we're not just talking about someone caring.

It was literally like the Monty Python. No, it was like the, it was the Eddie Murphy. Like the crumb, what are they, the crumps? The crumps. Yeah, they were just. Jesus Christ. Yeah, they were just fucking huge, man. The clumps, sorry, not the crumps.

Yeah, exactly, dude. And you're like, oh. Ah. I mean, we get a couple of these pursuit of plates away. I remember, I know. And we were trying to eavesdrop

so that we could hear what they were ordering and like, I gotta hear what this is. Yeah, yeah. It's got to be so much. And he sat like this at the table. Yeah. Oh, man.

His hands were out here. I was like, God, dude, get your fucking shit together. Yeah, get your shit together. Get your life. Where did you go wrong? That's what I kept thinking. I know.

So anyway, seeing him made me go. 3%. Yeah. I agree. I think that's a really healthy goal for you. You think so? Yeah, for sure. It's not bad. It's not bad. Yeah. I'm just going to get down to that. Perfect. Until I'm like, I can't. Could you not try, just do me a favor. Yeah. Just could you not try to actively kill yourself? Yeah. Is it just, is this being married to me? You're like, I got to try to die before. Huh, I never thought of that. Huh. Because you really have a leaning towards self-torting. torture. It's like, I'm going to do the cold plunge and that's terrible. Yeah. I'm going to pull the plow in the backyard. What is that stupid horse shit? The sled. Now I'm going to get down to 2%

body fat. I really think my... Two, shit. I was thinking of three. All right, two's the new goal. Are you like suicidal? Huh. I never thought of that. You know, I'll take that one to therapy this week. It's a good, a good one to explore. Yeah. Yeah. You should go for the world record. What's the world record? I don't know. I'm just saying you should go for the low as possible. body fat. Oh, let's see. It's got to be like, what about like athletes? Whoa. There you go. Dude, that guy looks perfect. Yeah. Is that what you're going to look? Ugh. Two percent. He's two percent. Yeah, I can't get to that. It looks like beef jerky. It's a, it's a beautiful goal, but I can't get to it. It's not beautiful. I don't like that. What do most bodybuilders compete at?

Like, what, what's their, when they're competing? What are they at? I don't like that at all. Um, I wonder, it's got to, I mean, it's got to be five or around there, right? Three to eight. Okay. And women, it's 10 to 15. So that's, that's so low for a woman. Yeah, let's just do it, man. Let's just do it.

Okay, look at these percentages. Bodybuilding, three to eight, gymnastics, five to 12. Marathon runners, five to 11. Triathlon, five to 12. Soccer, 10 to 18, tennis, 12 to 16. But for women, 15 to 20, and that means, like, you're, losing your period at that. Yeah. We have to be way higher than you guys. Yeah. It's going away, dude.

That's gnarly. Nobody wants to hear that. That's sound. The drinking. Anyway, so you're going to be seeing some kind of dramatic things coming these next few months. I hate like the fucking machinist. Christian veil. Well, the interesting thing is, you know, I got the plan. It's not starving. You're not starving. You're actually just eating. You're eating more. times a day but you're just eating specific things what are you what are you eating just chicken it's a secret yeah no yeah there's a lot of lean it's a lot of lean stuff yeah and then yeah there's some

there's carb cycling yeah carb cycling yeah high days medium days low days yeah for fuck it's just tom what what is that crazy what are you doing what is this fucking three percent man what is you don't have enough challenges in your life you don't you're you're writing the tv show you're taping a special you're touring, you've got a family, and now you gotta torture your body on top of this? Like, what is going on? Just do drugs. Could you just start taking drugs?

Yes. You're such an, is this an addict's brain? Is that what this is? I don't know. Can't be still? I don't know! Just be still. Enjoy your money.

Stop it. No, you got to do something else. Can I tell you what I've been doing? Yeah, I want to actually take a minute here to thank Rob Eiler. Yeah. So look, since I was sick last year, I started crafting pretty hard. And I really thank you for not pointing out the excessiveness of my supply buying. You do a lot of bullshit.

A lot of bullshit. Yeah. There's always a number of bullshit things that arrive at the house, usually on a daily or, you know. It's daily. It's hourly. It's a problem. Yeah. I admit that.

But, yeah, I mean, we started off, I started off drawing. drawing you nude, which I sold that, which is very exciting. Yeah, that was awesome. Thank you so much for that. And then acrylic painting. And then I got into clay. And then I got to paper mache. And I was buying like mannequins to put paper mache on and paint. And then I was telling Rob about the paper mache because I got like paper machete pumpkins lying around. The kids are going to paint.

And I was saving newspapers to use later for the paper mache. sculptures that I'm making, saving boxes, saving papers. And Rob was like, Christina, you got to stop this. You got to stop this. I go, why? You're going to ruin your marriage. This is deal breaker type of shit. And I just want to thank you, Rob, because I threw away all the paper machet whore shit.

I knocked it off. I'm going to fuck her. I'm not going to do that stupid stuff anymore because it is a lot of bullshit around the house. You're right. And I'm just going to, now I'm into watercolors. I just bought one little tiny powder. palette and just a one pad. That's all I'm going to do for now. Nice.

Water colors. So maybe some art will be coming out of you, those beautiful blue eyes. Okay. But thanks Rob. You're right. It was bullshit. Maybe I'll get into some artsy stuff too, okay? Would you like that? Can I tell you something? Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah. You'd enjoy it, but there's something about you that likes to torture yourself more. Like this kind of shit. Like I got to get down to three percent body fat. Like there's something in you that the self-flagellation bit yeah you like that's true you like to really fucking push it yeah i don't know why you don't like to enjoy yourself this is not you either

pushing it to the max like that or you're just like chilling in bed watching murder like those are your two it's like i perform in front of 10,000 people in an arena or i'm isolated in the house watching murder okay you just described what it is to be a man Is that right? Yeah. We kind of, yeah. Like, if we succeed, like, there's no succeed. There's no success.

Like, you just got to do the next thing. Oh. You got to hurt yourself. You got to feel like you're accomplishing something, beating something, you know? Yes, that does make sense. Yeah. No, that's lovely. I do like that.

The plight of the man. It is. What is it, is it testosterone? I don't know if it's testosterone necessarily. I mean, I'm sure that plays a role in it, but I don't know. I don't know why that's the thing that men, a lot of men just go, well, don't, I guess it's just don't be complacent. Yeah, you guys have itchy assholes.

Yeah, you got to scratch them. You got to scratch your asshole. You got to get out of the house. I got to go, I got to build, I got to do, I got to, I got to. But I also feel like I'm a better person. Than other people? No. Oh.

I'm a better version of myself when I'm doing things. 100%. Because a man who doesn't have a purpose. Yeah. Becomes very fucked up. That's real. That's very real. Oh, sure. We've known men like this. We know them. Yeah. Yeah.

They don't figure something out like a passion or a drive. It's not good. It's not good. It's not good. But you know, can I talk to you for saying, this is what? Jesus. Could you make more sounds over there? Stupid. I'm a fucking idiot. But the thing is, as I've noticed about, like, what, you know, we've been married for 20,000 years. Oh, my God. So long.

Is that I got to let you have your itchy asshole? Mm-hmm. Don't even fight the itchiness. Let you itch it, scratch it, get in there, dig it in. And then you'll come back when you're ready. When your asshole's thoroughly cleaned out and irrigated and you're exhausted, then you come home. And then I'm like, hey, babe, how's your butt? That's your summary.

That's pretty good summary, right? Yeah. Whereas me, like, I used to have an itchy your asshole. And now that I'm, like, I'm chilled out. I love being home. I love gardening. I love my bullshit crafts. You find joy in it.

The cats. the kids. You're able to just be there. To be. Yeah. But I think women, yeah, when you're balanced, you can exist, you're being. Yeah. And then the man is doing.

I think men struggle with that more. Being. Yes. And I know, and I always think it's weird that they're spiritual leaders. Like, they should definitely not be. They should not be. Men have to come and do things too hard. Yeah.

They're not qualified. They're not. Okay, I have to piss. And then I want to discuss who this is here too. Okay. Go take your pee. All right. How was your pee?

It was good. It didn't smell like coffee anymore. Yeah. So I drank enough water. Nice. I just, I love her so much. She's great. She's really great.

Your motherfucker wacko. Every house here has a garbage disposal. What are you talking about? Why would he take it out? You got to get three quarters of horsepower to run it. Like, yeah. That's so cool. Thank you for that.

That is a very East Coast vibe, though. This is not a, West Coast. Like that voice never happened. No. That's definitely in the Northeast. Yeah. That's a sad shut in.

I feel like I don't know this person, but I'm saying like Josh Potter. Like I imagine somebody he's related to. Is this person? That's hilarious. Yeah. He's like, oh, that's my aunt Edna. A thousand, yeah. Like a Rochester.

I'm the one to get Josh started on smoking. Exactly. I gave me his first cigarette when he was nine. Totally. This is your aunt's house that you go to, and she's got the cookies, the fucking royal dance cookies from Rite Aid or whatever. Everything's from the fucking pharmacy. Yeah. Yeah.

She's rad, man. She's a good one, yeah. Very American. Oh, sorry. This one, this is really cool. As you know, I collect all the Barbies that have come out. This one is type 2 diabetes Barbie. Nice.

Which is really special. It comes with her little monitor. Sure, it's sold out. I mean, it's got to be gang. All the kids are like, well, I'm on diabetes Barbie. Can I tell you how they could actually sell these? You guys are doing good. Yeah.

Our sons would take this and fuck it up. Of course, they break the arms off of it. A thousand. That's the only way you're going to sell this is if you sold us to little boys so they could fuck them up. Yeah. And then Julian would be like, I'm trying to feed him donuts so that sugar spikes. Exactly. Okay.

Exactly. Or like the wheelchair Barbies, like our guys would race those down the driveway. Of course. I guess, you know, I mean, it's fair to say representation does matter. So this is just so that, you know, the little girl out there who has diabetes feels like, oh, this is a doll that looks just like me, right? Well, as long as she's hot. Yeah. This, this doll is hot and sick like me.

They're always hot. Like, even the Down syndrome Barbies are like hot. Yeah. It's the weirdest. I mean, I guess Barbie's still a dream, you know. She's got her mobile phone and it's set to the screen

where you're monitoring your insulin, which is always fun for a child. We're like, oh yeah, my insulin. And then you can see the built-in pouch. Aye, aye, aye. It's kind of cool, but she's got a sexy, she's got sexy shoes and a sexy purse and her sexy little skirt.

Nice. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Is that the, case, like when you have an illness, do you want to play with the doll that helps you cope with it? I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you want to see things, people that look like you. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. Um, does she wear, does she have heels, really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, look, look in there. Yeah. They're, they're, they're, so funny. I've got diabetes, but I'm still hot. But I'm still hot. Yep.

It's a mini skirt. Yeah. I know. This is brilliant. Oh, she's even, yeah, she's got the patch on her. on her arm that's constantly monitoring. How come they don't have like sex worker Barbie? You know? Like a straight up hoe. Yeah. I mean, you don't think they want to see themselves represented. Of course. The children of a sex worker go, how come there's not one that looks like you, mom?

Thank you. Yeah. Do better, Barbie. Do better. Yeah, I agree. You want to see something that's fantastic? Obie. You like music, right?

I love music. Yeah. That was fucking. So that's Jaylo, if you're listening. She's been in the news lately saying that like what she's all about is You know Broadway and that she was trained in musicals and like I guess this is like a new direction she's gonna go in So that she was singing here with her her coach Stevie and it said the review here says she has received a good amount of hate for this

What? Yeah, but she's so likable. That's so weird. Yeah so humble. Yeah So sweet. So I guess like that's what she's pushing towards next is to be on Broadway, which is not a bad business move when you're not moving tickets for the concert. Yeah. Because I think these people that watch musicals, I'm not one of, it's just not my jam. Yeah. But I think when you have a celebrity headlining them, it's a big deal. It's a big deal. It's a big deal. I might go see it just to see her going, she walked away from that, though. Like, you just heard that shit. That's why it's so good. Yeah. Yeah.

That's why it's so powerful because she believes she's amazing. I did that. Yeah. I did that. Yeah. She does have the confidence of like our seven-year-old. I mean, I think maybe that's why you're a superstar. Yes.

You have to have a real crazy level of confidence. Yeah. Yes. And look, in her defense, that level of. But I'll say this. Normally. Normally when you see really impressive voices, they go. you know, they finish the

note they're singing and they're just kind of like... There you go. And everyone goes, holy shit, and they go, oh, come on. Me? Shucks. Yeah. But this was different. This was different. That's so true. Like Placido Domingo, you would watch him and he would just kind of look down at the flick.

I felt that. I felt it. Now it's out of me and yeah, there's not a lot of humility. Yeah, in this one. But this is why I think it would be interesting to see or do Broadway. because I feel like Broadway 2 that you're going to get reviews

tons every night every night you're going to get that feedback straight away from the audience you're going to get cancelled in a week you know what I mean you got to fucking put ass in seats I wonder how long she can do that for in Broadway

I don't know I'm here for it what is she going to do do we know what play or what musical I don't think it's said I'm saying she's put it out there like what I'm great What I'm really good at is theater. Yes, yes, yes. That's right.

I remember reading that. Oh, is this what it is? This is the new movie that's out, but it's a musical. Oh, it is a musical? Okay. And is it out now? Yeah. I mean, look, the reviews are, 70%, that's not bad.

I never even heard of it. No, that's fantastic. Yeah. I love kiss of the spider woman. Yeah. Okay. So what are, so, what are people saying?

I've never even, I didn't even know this was out. This happens all the time now, though. Movies come out, and it's not the same. It's not like it used to be, or you'd always know what's out. It's different. Because this is a major undertaking, Kiss of the Spider-Wil. Yeah, let's see. Let's read about it.

What's going on with this? Let's see what it is. Okay, this is a musical drama film written directed by Bill Condon based on the 1992 stage musical. It stars Diego Luna, Tona Tio, and Jennifer Lopez. Let's see. Positive reviews from critics. Yeah, it looks like.

like it's well-reviewed, but it is a major box office bomb, grossing just $2 million against a budget of 30. Yeah. So it's not, people aren't going to see it, but they're not, they're saying it's good. That's so interesting because I feel like J-Lo really had a, like, what's going on? I don't know. Is it social media now that we're seeing people's personalities before? I made people find her generally very unlikable. I know, and I've heard story after story.

Oh, there's a lot of stories. a personal story. I know one firsthand. Can you share it? Yeah, I guess I can. So a couple years ago, I was on tour and I was doing the bus thing. So I was chartering buses. And I don't really like it. Like, I don't like the bus lifestyle just personally. But, you know, it was just, it was a bus tour. So every week, bus would either pick you up at your house or you'd fly to the bus, and the bus would take you for the run of the tour. And I hadn't signed a lease for like one time I did a bus for a year. This was like before I had done that. So I would charter different ones. And so one time I had some leg coming up and they offered me this really nice bus. They're like

they showed me photos. This is like a state of the art bus. So I did it for like a week or two. It was like a just a short period of time. And I got there and I was like this bus is unfucking real. I mean the bus looked like a luxury hotel. It was crazy. And when I got on, you know, I'm looking at it and talk to the driver and really nice guy and he was telling me all about you know all the features that it has it's like totally state of the art it was incredible and i go god like this bus feels like it's you know for a fucking superstar and he was like well you just was with jalo and i go no shit and he goes yeah she had it for like six months or something you know for her tour and i go what was that like and he was like, well, he's like, you know, everybody in the camp is really nice.

Kids are nice and her boyfriend at the time was really nice. Everyone was really nice. And I was like, but he's like, well, he's like, we, you know, we never spoke. And I was like, for six months, he's like, no, we never exchanged. The driver. The driver. Yeah. And I drove her like all over the country.

And then he goes, the day that I dropped her off. So it was like this was the last day. I dropped off at her house. And she just didn't make eye contact, just walked off and walked away. Never said like goodbye, thanks, just nothing. Wow. But that to me is indicative of like a personality type. If you're the type, has somebody drive you for six months and you don't even say hello.

But to really understand the gravity of this too. So this bus life you're speaking of, it's very intimate. It's very intimate. It's you, the driver. sometimes that's it yeah sometimes that's it sometimes it's you know the driver somebody and but the driver of like a charter bus like that

it's different right they are they're not just it's not like a bus in a city that's taking you from like stop to stop that driver is the he is the captain and the cleaner and the maintenance guy he is he's like your pilot of the you know I mean he does everything

so you have you have a lot more interactions with them. It's not like, you know, when you at a bus stop and you get on, you just walk on. You walk on in the morning and, you know, you greet them and then you realize that like, oh, they had like cleaned up this section of the bus and everything is taken care of. And then, you know, he washed the windows and he made sure that like there's pillows on your bed. Like he does all of that. So you have like a really intimate, yeah, like relationship with.

Okay, but even from like a human thing. No, yeah, of course. Hey, Rick. Good morning. Yeah, I got to take a shit, but I don't want to shit in a moving bus. Can we pull over so I can stop and take a dump? She would relay that to somebody else, right? Stop.

Well, yeah. She never talked to him for six months. Just from like a safety or like a human. It's bizarre. But again, you know. That's tough to do. There's something about like pop stars where they, you know, the whole thing is they're divas. I guess, yeah.

I mean, in my world, in my mind, it would be harder not to speak directly with him. You'd have to make an effort to not speak to that person. Yeah. Can you tell him? Also, don't forget, there's also the moment that is where you kind of have the most interactions, especially with a familiar face, which is getting on and getting off. Yeah, every time.

We would pull up to venues and you just walk up and be like, all right, Rick, thanks. I'll see you in a few hours. Like, she never did that. Or you get back. Or like the show's over, doors open. What's up, man? Where are we headed tonight? And he's like, four hour drive.

all right, I'll see you when we're there. Like those things, none, zero. Wow. And I also heard a story, I don't know where, it was on the internet somewhere, where it was before she was really, really, really, really famous. Yeah. And she wanted to see a movie at a movie theater, and she had them lock down the entire theater

so that she could come in the back way and watch a movie. And this is well before she had, that type of celebrity to do something like that. I don't think people would care if she went anywhere now. I think zero percent would flip out. And not only that, like I would say that, you know,

you're very recognizable these days. And like, we move around. It's really not that crazy. People just come up to you and they say hi. It's not. Or they stare at you and say nothing. That's the other side.

Right. Which is just what it is. But if you were to go to a movie and just kind of sneak in with a, it's fine. You're not going to. Yeah, this is not. She's not that amazing.

Well, you're not that type, you know. Michael Jackson would have to have done that. Yeah. That's different. Yeah. I actually think that. Taylor Swift. Yeah, she can't do that.

She can't. But most celebrities, I'm talking about high level celebrities. They can go into the movies. It's fine. People would just be like, holy shit, that's who it is. And they shut up and they leave you alone. Yeah. No.

Nine times out of ten, it's normal. It's normal. So she didn't need to have it. Which means that, like, she, that's the funnier part actually, that she had to go like, we need to shut down this venue. And then somebody like in her management had to be like, uh, wait, why? Uh, hello, I'm going to get absolutely mobbed. Hello.

Then the business manager would be like, that's such a crazy amount of money to spend on that. She's like, do you want me to get fucking attacked? And they're like, okay. All right. That's fine. Right. Again, and also, you can also just watch the movie at home.

You could probably get a screener. Hello. Don't do it. That means somebody would have to bring it over to the house. I don't think so. Why are you ruining that theater's day dealing with your nonsense? Let's pivot to something more fun. No woman guitar is can have three colors.

Red color giving energy, light, forth. And we have green color, healing power. Okay. And white color is this infection. Hold on. Woman makes love. And they think that the husband needs more energy. So you use your thumb pointed to the guitarist

and change the clit and the vagina into red color. So when you make love, you can feel that you have more red energy and you can keep your loved one with more light for. But what's the green? That's infection. No, white, disinfection. Oh. Right.

Green is healing, healing powers? There's no way. I've never had it green. Well, you need to. I don't know what's going on. You've got a lot of problems. I've only, you know, I don't even know if I had a white. Yeah, this is great.

I'm not so sure. We've got to get you into more of green are balanced and have compassion. Whites are purifying and calming. Yeah. But red, red's fire energy. Red's where it's at. It's a new shirt. Stop it.

Can we do a red clit shirt? Oh, no. I'm going to puke. No woman wants to hear this. Why? It's so gross. What's gross about it? You need red clit.

What's gross? He's giving you energy advice. You don't think that's good? I do think that obviously sex is an exchange of energy. Yeah. I don't like the color coordinated. I don't like it when he talks about it. Do you like this?

Do you like this? She just want to come over for a, snack and go, um, that was cool. You liked it? You liked it? Yeah,

because he flubbed it. He flubbed it? Oh, his line? Like he wasn't cool. It wasn't, it wasn't slick. But isn't it kind of cool to be a little guy

with a huge hog like that? Yes. That's kind of cool. Yes. It's kind of the best case scenario. If you're a little man, you have a big old dong like that? But don't you think...

What? I mean, this is probably stupid, of course, but don't you think they all have big ones in relation to? No. Being small in stature? No. I mean... I think it's just like any other segment of the population when it comes to...

Just relative. Penises. No, no, I think it's relative. I think this guy has a genuinely large dong. And sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. I don't want to... I don't like it. Okay.

Here we go again. We just want to come over for a snack and go... Um. He's an attractive LP, though. He is. He's got a really nice face. Yeah, and he's got a big old dong. How do you know it's so big?

How do you know? I mean, I was just looking in the... What am I? What do we... How do you see it? Yeah, I didn't see it the first time. Okay, hold on. Oh, it's there?

No, you're seeing the shadow, though. Oh! Whoopsy, yeah, I miss that. But don't you think you could cheat that with shadow work? Like, things look bigger? I mean, you could cheat it to an extent, but you can't make it something it's not. I didn't see the shadow. Yeah.

I'm not looking for dicks all the time. Like, you want. Well, it's just, it's right there. I mean, I didn't have to search hard. I was looking at his face and his delivery. You don't want to have a little snack? I hate you so much. All right.

I'll get you something you like. I don't like these guys. What do you not like, man? Don't you love pickles? Yeah. I have an extreme fear of trying new foods. And today, I'm going to try my absolute number one. one for your food.

He's in cute. He is hyperventilating. Well, they're slimy, they're crunchy. I get it. They're seedy. Yeah. They smell weird. I like it.

This fucking guy. I could see myself. It smells so bad. So bad. It's like slimy. Yeah. It's green. Yeah.

It's weird. He's never. he's not going to go out you think he's going to do it he's going to puke because the steak he tried he didn't have the typo negative

and he's already he's a mess wow he really hates this then why are you doing this to yourself you don't have to eat a pickle you gotta make content there's no nutritional value here one

do it you can do it oh you pussy He's definitely not Eastern European You fucking bitch Just eat it I can't do it I can't

I mean Pussy Bro you can't even post this Yeah bro that's not cool You didn't even fucking eat it At least take a little lick Like touch your tongue to it Yeah

Take a little tongue Get your clit red Oh What? What But I I can see myself Getting this mentally ill

Can't you? Yes of course Yeah. Of course. This could be me in a bad, in a bad year. In a week? What are you talking about? I don't eat white things.

I don't eat, again. There's fucking chariots everywhere. Yeah. With your serial number. Yeah, I can see you doing that real soon. Oh, yeah. But I love pickles. This is not, it wouldn't be pickles for me.

It would be things like chicken because I get weird about germs. Tuna fish is gross. Yeah. Sushi, I would stop eating raw fish. It would be more about those things for me, like bacteria, getting sick. Yeah. What would your, do you think? How would you go?

How would I go mental? Yeah, like, what would your mental illness be? Reclose, like probably isolate. Howard Hughes style. Yeah, be real isolate. Don't talk to anybody anymore, yeah, at all. Just shut the door. Make it dark.

Totally. Sit in the room. Totally. And then there's papers and shit everywhere. You'd be like, what are you doing? Like working on some shit I'm writing. And then you just see like one letter written. J, 70 times.

You're like, okay. Are you into video games or are you that shut in that you're not even communicating with others on video games? I mean, I could do video games. I probably wouldn't communicate with people though. I would just do it like without that. Yeah. I could do that. But I think I would actually just get into a deeper isolation.

and throw the system off the roof. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I can see myself going crazy with this food thing and then with animals. Like, I can see myself adopting so many animals.

It starts with the cats, don't need the dogs, I'm going to get the chickens, I want to get a goat. It's going to be like that. Yeah. I'm a house full of animals shitting everywhere.

Yeah. And hair everywhere in the bed and stuff. It smells bad. You're like, babe, I can't. Yeah. You as cat lady, that could be a thing. Cat lady, dog lady. Cat lady, dog lady, yeah.

It's just all the animals, birds, shitting everywhere. Yeah, there's just piss and shit all over the house. Yeah, that would be my thing. That's okay. These are my babies. 100%. Oh, fuck, yeah. Yeah, that's my problem.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're the opposite. See, because I want the companionship and love. You want isolation. Yeah. No human contact.

Yes. I can see that. You can do it. This is a horrible or hilarious. Are you ready? Yeah, buddy. I'm so excited. I haven't seen any of these.

Hey. Hey. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, he's holding on. He's a, bro, that car's going like 40. Holy shit. That's where it ends.

What? Did his hand get stuck in the window, in the door? Holy shit. Oh my fucking God, dude. There were no further reports on the incident. It was never found in NYPD getting involved. Holy shit. Please, let's see it again.

Let's see the beginning. I don't know if he got stuck or he held on. He's yelling. He's a bad guy. You're buying me jail. Hey, hey. Yeah. Smart to pull the feet up.

That was smart. Oh my fucking God. He was just holding on to the door handle. I mean, I think his hand was on the inside, but... Fuck. That's wild. That could... I mean, that must have ended okay, actually.

Yeah. And that guy probably stopped. You can live. Because if he didn't, if that guy just went flying, that would just be well known, I feel like, you know? Yeah, like he would have lost his legs already at his feet. That's pretty nice. That was a good one. That was a good one.

I'm awake now. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I don't, yeah. Oh, shit. Holy shit. Do you get what happened there? Yes, sorry. She landed on her fucking ankle. No, no, but like. Her leg twisted because she went to box the thing. I don't like it. It's not funny. It's a freak out. That could be broken. I don't know if it's broken or not. It's broken. You think it's broken? It's broken. Imagine that from like what happened. It's just the torque. The torque of doing it.

it she missed she didn't make contact and then that just spun her around and she either broke it or severely sprained it yeah well she'll be right horrible she'll be okay yeah it's like at a kid's place too this is like fucking urban air yeah horse shit uh-oh the lights flickered on that one oh my god i thought we were going to see someone disembow me too that was cool this is a new level dude and he touched his stomach like i just made that let's see you Fuck Yeah he just checked himself out Are my intestines still inside?

I was a lucky day bro Oh, holy fuck Dude, buy a lotto ticket That's... Wow He just saw his whole life flash Before his eyes Dude that was like a fucking

Near-death experience Can you imagine going through that Yeah, I'd have to take like The week off Oh yeah I wouldn't be able to pick that thing up again No it's done Somebody else do this.

New career. Fucking incredible. That was gnarly. I thought he was going to cut, slice himself in half for sure. This is something about the world today, though, that I think about sometimes, is that the only people that would handle

something like that 20 plus years ago would be somebody like very highly trained in doing that. And in today's world, you can just be like, I want a bandsaw. And people are like, yeah, just fucking, there you go. And then I got it. And you go, I got it. how do I do that?

And people just like look up. They go, I know how to do this. And so you have a lot more occurrences, I think, of, you know, tool accidents. Because people have access to them now. We didn't used to have access to everything. No, these are uninformed. Yeah. This guy doesn't know what the fuck he's doing.

No. There's no chance. I thought he was going to spray. I thought there was shit spraying on the wall. He's trying to slice tile, bro. Yeah, that. With that thing? He didn't know what he's doing.

And he's light, too. He didn't have enough weight on him to push that. Oh shit Dude Fuck this Fuck this I would never Never catch me doing this shit

I found the thing I don't like Yeah What is this I don't like it I don't like neck's and backs breaking I don't like that That was awful How does it start again?

I don't care and I'm not showing it again No They're trying to roll in like the cable spool This is like at a face Fuck that, dude. I love Aftermath, no update. Okay.

Yeah, she could be... I think we just saw like three or four vertebrae just go. Please just... Oh, fucking fine. Just let me see how they... What went wrong in the... Oh!

And fun music? Hey, you want to see someone get paralyzed? Basically. For people just listening. she folded over on herself. Her front, her hands went on the floor and then she fucking folded over on herself. Yeah.

Dinar-na-na-na-na-na. I'm so upset right now. Wow. Fuck, I need something to... That sucks, dude. I'm Ryan, and I want to be recognized by some of the hottest women here on Instagram. So spread the word.

You got it, Ryan. Hey, there it is right there. That's what we need to do. Can you, everybody who watches knows at least a hottie, one or two hoties on Instagram. Why don't you let them know to acknowledge Ryan? Please, somebody. Give him a little acknowledgement. He wants to meet the hottest women.

Are you the hottest women? Meet Ryan. He wants a big ass in his face. Don't you like doing that stuff? Yeah, dude. Come on. Give Ryan some love. Meet him.

Love him. Do it. Jesus Christ So upsetting I know Fucking so mad right now About that video

Yes I fucking hate it I know Ugh No it's not good I hate it Look When you read it My mother

For rid of jury Poor father Is in bird In bird They try to say you Embarrass me A sunshine I say she

I put jury on me say. Jewry. Jury. What is the relationship of this father and son, you think? It's good.

It's positive. I mean, the father had to go to like certain levels of acceptance, right? I mean. He's not like, oh yeah,

come meet Todd. He's a regular kid. Okay, there's two scenarios. Dad was absent during Todd's childhood or Todd just came out mentally ill. Yeah, and he's just been used to it.

He's just like over, fucking Todd. Mm-hmm. God, this look is really outrageous. I do like the look, though. Yeah. I don't know. I'm going to go with Todd

just came out messed up because dad's still a part of his life right now. So I think he's doing a character maybe too, right? This could be a character thing. In this day and age where people just understand that like if you do something outrageous, you might get a following. Maybe he's not really like this 24-7.

I mean, he did say father correctly and then goes, I mean, father-r-er. Oh, right, right, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, I don't know. I wonder if the tats are real. I'm smart, like, who the fuck? Look, all this art on artis.

Artis, I'm on my face, though, you feel me? Like, real shit, though. Like, you know what I'm my dad, bro. He loved me. Y'all trying to break up families and shit, that's fucked up. You know what I'm saying? Twit. Tap in, I got motion.

You feel me? I'm a murr. Mur. This is those two, those twins started this, right? Yeah. That look. That Florida shit. What were they?

The Island Boys? Island Boys. This is Island Boy look. I mean, kind of. Yeah. And then they talk the same way. I don't know. Are this kid's tats real, though?

Doesn't it something about them kind of read false to you? Yeah. They are real? They don't look real to me, but I'm not a tattoo expert. I mean, he's their fucking nuts, bro. Yeah, this guy's got mental problems. So what is it? Like, pull up one of those.

What's he talking about? change i'ma do some he's crazy my real toe damn my name te's on my body my rea bray if y'all keep calling to my life saying fight change

I'ma do some yeah Todd came out this way yeah he might have been wires across I'm proud of you see you you you you you you and you

see that's a number of voice tap in turn it and motion yeah yeah No, nobody's born talking like that. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a bit of a bit. You know, my father, you know, my father love me, man.

I do. I did. That's a chola girl. That chola there, yeah. I want him to be out of se. I'm a butt. No, she's, she's. Oh, look, he's with his dad there.

You see that. His dad's so tired. Was I ever in detention in school? Yep. See, that's the reason why I looked like that. I'm a mudd too much time. I'm up in there. You ain't never been in trouble in your life.

You ain't never done anything. You're going to have a green light. I'm going to red. I'll tell you this, though. I'm a muddrah. That dad has a, he dissociates and he also is patient. But every once in a while, he goes, cut the fucking shit. Wyatt.

He's got to. Stop talking like that. He's got to. And then Wyatt goes like, all right, dad, Jesus Christ. He got so mad. I just, can I borrow another five grand to get a chain? This is such a bad. I mean, and you can't even lock these, these fooos up anymore.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? You can't, you can't just give them to a mental hospital. Be like, just lock caught up for his own safety. First of all, he needs a following. You can't get, you can't employ him anywhere. No, this guy's fucked. What are you going to do?

Like, you can't do a job. He's done. No, you got, you got to put these people in. Yeah, he could work in a warehouse, you know? Maybe, but he wants too much attention. Of course. He can't. And everyone would be like, could you just fucking stack those boxes, please?

Yeah. No, this kid has a lot of needs. Yeah. I would be so bombed of one of ours. Well, good luck. Gr luck. What you have. What is the baby.

Music. Oh. I hope he's making music at least. He's making music. Oh, God. Okay. I'm sure it's probably really good. You never know.

All right. Let's wrap this shit up. We got things to do. Oh, shit. Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. We will see you next week. My mommy.

Bye. white girl Sarah's who cries only and they know how to work