Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Filling All The Holes w/ Sam Tallent | Your Mom's House Ep. 742

Starting point is 00:00:00 You're a big dick and you're short, but you're, or be super tall or have a small one. In there. Yeah. I want a different ride, yeah. Wouldn't you pay a lot of money to see you sure, at least, their own Havda area? I mean, when you put it like that, yeah. Welcome, welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to another episode of your mom's house. We are here.

Starting point is 00:00:35 I have diarrhea. I can't believe this. What happened? I really, really have explosive anus. But bro, walk me through it because you were doing fine up until... Yeah, I don't wanna say what it was, but there was a truck here in the parking lot. And I insisted on trying it.

Starting point is 00:00:54 Try it out. Try it out. Didn't go, so I pissed on me and it beat me. Did you have everything everyone, the same people, did anyone have the same thing? I don't know, I don't know everybody had. Did you guys all get the same people did anyone have the same thing? I don't know I don't know every So yeah, did you guys all get assholes explosives? I'm still okay as of right now, but we will see I'll keep you up Yeah, please do

Starting point is 00:01:12 Please do and if we need to take a commercial break you go ahead and let us know a lot of everybody to know That sucks dude, and does this food item net always give it to you anyway? Really so this is unique. This is a bacterial experience you're having. Yeah, that's not cool at all. That sucks bro, I'm sorry. It's okay, such as life. And I didn't have that.

Starting point is 00:01:34 I had Asian foods. So far so good. How many people have you built on? Yeah. Yeah dude, you know I have a real high tolerance for flames, for spice. Yeah. I've built it over the years. Oof. Yeah. I used to get diarrhea when I

Starting point is 00:01:45 soon do a boo right away in my 20s and then now I've trained myself to be ready for it. Yeah, not a lot gives me Rio these days, but now I've drank my metamusule just to take a shit. It's very upsetting. You have metamusule here? I got it. Yeah, I made them. Did they bring it up? Yeah. You should take some actually. Can we pause? We should just have it, just have it brought in, can somebody make some? Do you know how to do it? You take two teaspoons, put it at the bottom of the cup and then put cold water in stir it really well.

Starting point is 00:02:12 Someone can do it for a time. I have someone can do that. I would like to share the experience with the audience. It kind of tastes good, it just tastes orange. Yeah. It's not bad. So much diarrhea. Oh, it makes you tired too.

Starting point is 00:02:24 It does. It takes your will to live. And it's straight, it started just like sloppy, and then it just turned into straight water. Do you want to stop recording? No. You need to go home. No, diarrhea is part of life, you know. You don't quit living this because you have it.

Starting point is 00:02:44 Have you ever had diarrhea and then got called to go on stage? Yeah. Yeah. Isn't it crazy that your body shuts down the diarrhea? It shuts down the diarrhea while you're doing it. It shuts down like a virus while you're doing it. I've had like horrific colds and like finest infections and you're miserable, but somehow while you're doing it your body goes, all right, put that aside, you perform. And then when you, not right when you get off stage,

Starting point is 00:03:10 but like an hour later, you're like, you're even worse. You're way worse. You're way worse. Well, it's the adrenaline, I think, kicks in and lets you perform. It's kind of like when people die, did you notice like before people die, there's like, they have a really good month. And I think it's like your body's last effort of like, hey, go get things done. Go sell your affairs. Settle your affairs in. And then it tricks the family,

Starting point is 00:03:32 because then they're like, oh, they're up and running. They're up and running. And then that person dies. It's true. I've seen a lot of people die, and I have noticed something like that very much. Well, I just know a friend of mine, her mother's in the process of dying. In the month of ghost, she was like, shoot so much energy. I think that's fairly

Starting point is 00:03:48 common. She's getting ready for it. Yeah. Yeah. It sucks. It's like diarrhea. I was I'm saying, it feels like you're dying, but you're not yet. Absolutely. Do you want to say some dates you have coming up? I do. Okay. Are you ready for your sound effects? Yeah. British Columbia, Vancouver, man, cuver, Februaryth, at the Vogue Theater. I can't believe how big it's big was. And then February 17th, I've added an early show in Meat Rattle, Washington at the Neptune. He checked out in four strokes. February 18th, Manfred Disco, the Palace of Fine Arts.

Starting point is 00:04:20 Talked to other retards. I added an early show in juda Ortiti's at the Grand Mercy March 31st. I like that one a best. And then the Ridgefield Playhouse and Ridgefield's come that a cut. Stop calling me daddy. Take it's at your C.A.P. online.com. You guys have a good Westie again, bro. I love it. I love it. Go on, dude. Good one, man. Good one. I miss that guy. All right. You come see the God on tour. I will be all over the place, but yeah. A bunch of dates.

Starting point is 00:04:51 They're all at Thompsagram.com slash tour. If you're asking me about cities that you don't see yet, like Phoenix, like Farnix, Chicago, New York, filler up Delphia, Toronto. They are all booked. They're just going to be announced later on in the tour. They're all booked. I got the dates. I let them out. 10th of November, you know, all coming, man. Austin. Yep. All right. Thank you very much. Thank you for getting tickets coming to the shows. Appreciate you very much. Let's for getting tickets coming to the shows. Appreciate you very much.

Starting point is 00:05:25 Let's start the show. You ready? Do you think people would pay to watch you live streamed area? Pay? Oh, maybe a handful, but they would watch if they didn't have to pay. I would watch you having time. You wouldn't pay though, would you?

Starting point is 00:05:40 My, if it was a really public figure, I liked a lot. I would pay a lot. How much would you pay? Like to watch John Q.Sac have day area. I like watching that like him. Oh, he has it too. He has it a good bit. We all do.

Starting point is 00:05:53 I would pay $50 to watch. $50 to watch Peter Murphy. Have day area? Have a house. I'd pay $100 to watch Peter Murphy. He's just gonna sit there and shit. But I wanna see what his face looks like. And he's like,

Starting point is 00:06:04 and is he singing? Is he like, oh, he's not singing. He's just gonna sit there and shit. But I wanna see what his face looks like. And he's like, and is he singing, is he like, oh, he's not singing, he's not singing. You can come in, thank you. Wait, when did you watch, like, why don't you wanna see a starlet, have diarrhea? I would have to cut my speaking up. Thank you both.

Starting point is 00:06:17 Thank you. Cheers. Cheers to your health. To your health. This is perfect, man. And all the seniors that are watching to your health as well. You ready? You gotta drink kind of fast otherwise

Starting point is 00:06:31 it gets coagulated. And the gets gelatinous. Oh, I'm never drinking with this straw. Yeah, I'm a guy, I'm not a fucking broad. Not to be said. Wouldn't you a fucking broad. Not to stand. Sure, so, wouldn't you pay a lot of money to see Shirley's there on Havdia Ria? I mean, when you put it like that, yeah.

Starting point is 00:06:51 It's interesting. It's more interesting than some of the movies they're making these days. That's true. A lot of those movies are worse than diarrhea now. That's true. That's true. Sometimes I see this movie as this freaking diarrhea. You know what happened to me the first time? Yeah, I did. First time in a long time.

Starting point is 00:07:10 It's stream of diary. I was in a hotel and I'm watching, I'm scrolling through the movies. I've never seen this. It was new releases. I've never seen this. It was new releases. I didn't recognize one single film. It had actors that I knew, some that I didn't. But I was like, I've never even heard of any of these movies on the order, you know, the paper.

Starting point is 00:07:39 Why is this happening now? It's just the whole feature landscape has changed. That's really the answer. It's just the whole feature landscape has changed. That's really the answer. It's just changed completely. Do people not go out to see movies anymore? They do, they do, they go, but it seems like for the most part, they go for massive franchises and that there's breakthrough movies that are smaller, but for the most part, you know,

Starting point is 00:07:59 it's, I don't know, it's just changed. And part of the change is that there's movies made that they know will never see the light of day in a theater. That's still a business. And they still are not. There's still enough money in that to make it and have it go to pay-per-view and streamers and all this shit. But I couldn't believe it.

Starting point is 00:08:17 I scroll through. I was like, I don't even recognize one single title. And so then I ordered a porn, which I hadn't done in a long time, in a hotel, a hotel, because you have your computer. That is so special. I feel like watching an old school like that's kind of unique. Guess what? I was like, I was going for that. I was like, I'm going to be, this will be fun. No commas shots. What? Yeah, I almost called the front desk. Yeah, what's like, it was full, like full penetration. Yeah, everything. And you're like, oh, cool. Like, what's the point? Like, it was full, like full penetration.

Starting point is 00:08:46 Yeah, everything. And you're like, oh, cool. Like, let's see the good part, you know? And then the guy would like get ready and then they would fade out. And I was like, what am I paying for here? Well, hold on, maybe it's at the end. They save up all the come and then at the end,

Starting point is 00:09:00 it's one time. I waited, I watched the whole fucking movie. You watched the whole, well, I had fast forward, so I'd scroll through it. And I'd be like, okay, no cum shot first, no cum shot second, and so I got to the end. I ordered another one to see if there was any shots in that one.

Starting point is 00:09:16 And? None. And they were both produced in Montreal. It's set it in the title card. That's weird. Nobody really spoke in one of them. They just kind of walked in the room and looked at each other and then they would start.

Starting point is 00:09:28 But I was like, no, shot. Like that's what we were trying to achieve. No, but I'm thinking like any here. Yeah. They got you to buy a bunch of movies though, didn't they? Cause they want you to look for the cum shot. Yeah, I'm still looking. Yeah, I'm still looking.

Starting point is 00:09:41 I got home and I'm looking. Maybe that's the marketing ploy is they don't show it to you until you buy like looking. I got home and I'm looking. Maybe that's the marketing ploy, is they don't show it to you until you buy like 10. And then I didn't even. I disagree. I don't, I think I know what it is. I think there's restrictions in Canada. Not in Canada, maybe in the city where I'm watching it in.

Starting point is 00:09:59 And they allow for like a certain thing, but I think it's about the release of it. Isn't that funny? Ironically enough, the release of the movie features no release. Right, that's funny what different cultures will censor. Cause Canadians come, I know this for sure. Are you sure, but maybe they don't. Are there different laws in...

Starting point is 00:10:19 Canadia? Canadia? About Comshots? Well, that's not in Canada. They are Com shots. He'll have about in. In. In.

Starting point is 00:10:30 For the best Google sentence ever. Our kind of. Canada sodium strict about porn. Oh. Wow. What's this say there? What's it give me? Give me any info.

Starting point is 00:10:41 Well, you know how in Asia, they blur out Dix. The laws you're talking about are technically still on the books. I don't know what the laws they're talking about, but maybe they do have how Canadian customs, which porn is too hardcore. Maybe it is about Montreal. Maybe it is about that.

Starting point is 00:11:05 Wait, but then do the French not allow cum shots in their pornography? They invented it. Those are the French Canadians we're talking about. That's what I'm saying. So maybe it's from France, being that they share our culture. I just think about those actors poor balls, you know?

Starting point is 00:11:18 They don't let them finish. They just shoot the scene and they're like, go home now. And he's like, but my bag hurts. They're like, I don't care. Too bad, you can't come. It's like I've been shooting the scene and they're like, go home now. And he's like, but my bag hurts. They're like, I don't care. You can't come. He's like, I've been shooting the scene for the last hour, I don't get to finish.

Starting point is 00:11:30 But what's the point of watching the scene if you don't see the grand finale? I can not believe, I remember one time having a conversation with the great Josh Potter. And we were talking about how, you know, everybody likes different things. And he was like, my favorite type of porn is lesbian porn. That's what he likes the most.

Starting point is 00:11:48 And I was like, I cannot think of something I wanna see less. And then I was like, no, I wanna see a guy with a woman because that's what I like, you know? And his rationale was like, I just wanna see more women. I was like, yeah, but don't you wanna see the actual like, she heard doing something to see more women. I was like, yeah, but don't you want to see the actual, her doing something to the equipment that you have?

Starting point is 00:12:08 He was like, no, and then I go, what about the money shot? He was like, that absolutely disgusts me. Well, big, but think about why. And he can't come. That's why. That's why I didn't know. He can't come with a woman. He can only come with a man.

Starting point is 00:12:21 How does that one, he's not? Yeah, that's what he's not. That's what he said. He's not gay. No, he's not gay, but he could come hard with a man. He said not with a woman. They know ask them. They were there for it. Oh my God. Right. I think that was how he finally came. That one time he told us. I think it was a guy that blew him. Yeah. Wow. He said it was a beautiful man. It's a stunning revelant. Maybe he didn't even know it was a guy because he's blind.

Starting point is 00:12:47 Another turn. Probably didn't even know. Another turn. It could have been a... Well, I don't like Lesbo pornography either because it does feel pointless. It's like, he's just licking. Licking each other's toe depth. They like stop collectors.

Starting point is 00:12:59 Yeah, he's just licking and... Licking, licking, licking. What's the point? Old the day, licks. The time has come for the NFL playoffs. And we've teamed up with draft kings and official partner of the NFL. And right now they have an offer you do not want to miss. All customers can get a no sweat bet. Get a bonus bet back if your SGPSGPX bet doesn't hit.

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Starting point is 00:15:48 No matter what stage you're in, Shopify.com slash mom's house. All right, we got to start the show. Ready? Here we go. Yeah. You know, I'd love to be able to ask a guy if they would break the bro code and just tell me, when you find out my name is Rachel is the first thing that comes to your mind or or you. uh... Quillor? To your mom's house. With Tom Segura, Tom Sipsur.

Starting point is 00:16:26 And Christina Pajitsky. And Christina Sipsur. Hi. Welcome to your mom's house. What do I do? Come on. Now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now Yeah Look I don't know if they're gonna see this or not But I would just I was hoping that somebody here will know somebody there and I just like to say metamusel Every time I have a glass of water with some metamusel in it. I shit better

Starting point is 00:17:21 It's true. If you're having trouble with your shits, you should give Meta Muscle a try. It's true. Hopefully they like that. It'll bulk it up. Play it internally within the company. Try and use some fiber and bulk up your shit. And have you some Meta Muscle to see what happens next. You're gonna like the way you shit.

Starting point is 00:17:38 I guarantee it. Yeah. I don't think Rachel's a whole, a whore name. I think of Rachel from Friends. I think of biblical Rachel. Oh, I think I think a horse Rachel's not a horse total sluts name. Yeah, or Ju that's because you didn't grow up around Jews. I grew up in the San Fran Valley with tons of Rachel's none of them were Jew hoars. Sorry, they were Jews, but they weren't horrors I think Tracy's a horn aim Tracy Tracy. No, Tracy is really nice

Starting point is 00:18:02 I think Tracy's a horn. Tracy? I know Tracy is really nice. Yeah, but I feel like Tracy's are universally born a horn. Jesus. Tina, unfortunately, is a horn. That's slut, slut city. Yeah. Slut city.

Starting point is 00:18:16 Christina is a bitch name. I feel like Christine. Christine. Crystal. That's. I knew a girl named Crystal Pepper. I swear to God. She was sweet though. She was nice.

Starting point is 00:18:28 Girl. She's so hard. No, she wasn't. She was sweet pepper. Yeah, that's a great name. That's a real trash. Yeah. Crystal's automatic DQ automatic. Or what's a real fucking crystal? Yeah, well, your name. You're a hobag name, right? Christina. No, because it's named after Christ. Christians, Christine's a bitch name, not a horn. Yeah, that's true.

Starting point is 00:18:50 Tina's a horse name. Tina is a total fucking horse name or lesbian tennis player. Chris, I hate being called Chris for the same as a lesbian on it. I'm not a Chris. I think here. Yeah. There was one lesbian scene I liked with Jenna Jamison. She was wearing angels wings, and she and this other broad were like,

Starting point is 00:19:12 like, come angels, and they were, you need each other's boxes and doing lesbian, that's probably, I only like it because stylistically, it was like. Beautifully shot. And Jenna and her heyday, I think, was unbeatable. I was great. Absolutely, adored. Love the girl. Her her prime of life work was just outstanding. She was great. I'm trying to thank you

Starting point is 00:19:33 of other like Hobag names though. Jenna's Lexi. Lexi. Oh, 100%. Look who knew right away. Yeah. Well well well. Yeah Lexi is definitely a host name. Yeah Yeah, Bridget Bridget's kind of slutty. No Bridget Jones is diary. She's British still slut Bridget Well, first of all, every woman's a slut. Let's be clear about that stop Bridget the Midget. That's what I think of Oh, you think she wasn't a fucking yeah, she's a porn star. Yeah, oh shit I don't know, she's a porn star. Oh shit. But I don't think Jew, when I hear Rachel, let's get back to the original point.

Starting point is 00:20:11 The original point, yeah. Well, what do you think, Hort or Jew? I mean, truthfully, I think it's kind of a bitchy name. I think it's usually a bitch, yeah. Yeah, like Rachel. Stuck up, I think kind of stuck up. I don't think Hort or Jew, I think kind of bitchy. Nope.

Starting point is 00:20:27 Yeah. Exactly, dude. Carla? That's just this pig name. Pig name? Carla is just like unfortunate. Oh! You know like?

Starting point is 00:20:40 Daniela, that's kind of Hoey a little bit. Yeah, Danny, if she goes by Danny. That's a. Danny dances. She's got blackboard shoes for sure. Danny dances. Yeah, Danny dances for sure. Yep.

Starting point is 00:20:52 It's stupid. Just. Just. Bob's just. Yeah, people are getting upset right now listening. That's like, but my name's Carla. Or they're liking it. They're like, it's true.

Starting point is 00:21:03 I'm a horror. I went through my phase. I read all my name's Carla where they're liking it. They're like it's true. I'm a horror. I Went through my phase I realize my friends were better like phase when I used to fuck a lot. I just drink a lot black out Yeah, I'm gonna go through their little phase Do you have a ho phase not really no ho phase? Look, we use what I did do in college. Oh boy I'm always been a serial monogamous. Yeah. Monogamous.

Starting point is 00:21:28 So I just had, I liked having boyfriends and like, you know, I do one for like a year or two on the next. Yeah, that's not a whole phase. No, it was never for me. I tried one time in Hungary, summer of 94 before I went to college with Sean and I went to Budapest. Yeah We would just go out on at night and like I like I've French a couple Hungarian guys Yeah, how was that and like my second cousin I French to even you know your cousin Jesus

Starting point is 00:21:56 I know it was weird. Oh, no, then I think about it. He was like a second cousin though. Like hold on not a first Fuck I didn't even know this story. That's true. I never knew him before, and like, he was in Budapest the same time we were, and I was like, I don't know. Was it cute, at least, to hope? He kind of looked like you. Honestly.

Starting point is 00:22:16 So he's smoking hot and you see him. I think you're my type, and he was your, he looked like you, yeah. So you made out with him? I Frenched him and then I was like, is that weird? Yeah, do you grab his hog? No, no, no. I could tell you didn't do it by the way you hit, no. No, no, no, no, Dick touches and Budapest that summer.

Starting point is 00:22:36 Listen, but I Frenched. I Frenched a couple of bar pigs like Hungarian guys. God. Yeah, like it was kind of innocent. Yeah, that is kind of innocent. I'm not big into letting you guys. God. Yeah, like it was kind of innocent. Yeah, that is kind of innocent. I'm not big into letting guys jog by. Yeah, I can't do it. I just can't.

Starting point is 00:22:50 I wish I could. I really do. How you don't? Part of me really wishes I could be more free like that. Not now, obviously, you know, but I don't you wish? I mean, you weren't, I don't know what you were. You never tell me the truth. I actually don't, I don't.

Starting point is 00:23:03 I wish I had a second lifetime and I could be a real whore. Why? What's that get you? I don't know, that's the thing. I don't know. And I like to find out. You'd go through that lifetime and if you had the ability to reference this lifetime,

Starting point is 00:23:17 you'd be like, fuck, I wish I wouldn't have done that some such an unworthy piece of shit now. You think you make me feel worse or about myself? For sure. I mean, I feel pretty bad about myself in my 20s as it was. You feel worse about yourself. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:23:29 You feel unfulfilled. Everybody I know, and you know them too, who has that path. They either come to terms with it. I'm not saying they should be humiliated or ridiculed. I'm just saying that when they get on the other side of that, cause it's inevitably a phase. Right, right.

Starting point is 00:23:44 It's very rarely met with pride. This is true, I do know pores of both genders. Who, yeah, me too, both genders, you go like, what they actually seek out is to end up where you are. That's like the end of the day, like, oh, I went through all this turmoil to get to this place where I'm not trying to fill this hole inside literally, both in the video. But it's not what it's all about is filling the void.

Starting point is 00:24:10 Yeah. It's like, everything is that. Everything, money, fame, everything is about filling the void. And trying to, well, this make me happy. Well, this make me feel worthy. And people who sleep around a lot usually have that same story, right? It's not unlike the person who goes and I ate myself to 500 pounds Yeah, you go why I was just I mean, you know trying to fill

Starting point is 00:24:35 This feeling and then they come to terms with it and then they go, you know They tell you the same story as the person who goes I slept with a hundred people It was meaningless and disconnected. And then I met someone who fulfilled me where I changed inside. And then now they look back at that as like, oh, that was kind of a dark period. You're very rare.

Starting point is 00:24:57 Like the fantasy of it is different than the reality of it. I know. So I think you probably wouldn't enjoy it. Enjoy it. Yeah. But then again, what you could do is just go to like a gang bang, like a one-off kind of sex party. You line up like 20, 30 guys and it's just like rock and roll, roll the dice, see what happens.

Starting point is 00:25:21 You know you get them tested ahead of time? That's key. Everybody plugs in place. That's the thing, because I'm so phobic of STIs. I don't want to get like herpes. I mean, you don't die from them, but you get them tested. I don't want general words. And by the way, you go airtight, you know?

Starting point is 00:25:39 And then you go through what would have been a phase in a couple hours. Do you think a lot of people really do that? Like, be right up. A lot of people. Like, are there, how many people? So relative, what's a lot? I'm saying, like, how many people do you think

Starting point is 00:25:52 we know that have gone airtight? Like they know. They know, and like now they're wrong. The guy or the girl. Okay, let's just do about, so like, I'm just saying, like, how many women do you think your friends with or know that have gone airtight and now they're like me

Starting point is 00:26:05 And they're like well, I have two kids and I don't know what ramble is not not many I think airtight's real specific right Because the thing is Every hole you add the percentage goes down so like do I do it? How many women do we know have been with two guys probably not many not many I don't I don't like I mean a few but not many but three guys at once You're talking about the really elite like the one percent the one percenters are really elite So that's what I think a number like girls you might not suspect have like yeah

Starting point is 00:26:40 I actually did have a two guys and this thing, you know, college or 20, whatever. Some crazy night. Three guys at once, you're talking about fucking. Elite class. NFL, put an NBA at the level. Town, like the really, really elite town. Man, NBA of Cox. I don't know, because I know a lot of girls

Starting point is 00:26:59 that have had three sums for their boyfriends, like two wins or like- Two girls that want to have more comedy. That's pretty common. More common. But two guys, one girl, I feel like I haven't heard as many of those stories in my lifetime.

Starting point is 00:27:10 And three guys, one girl. It's, I'm telling you. And if you're out there right now, and you want to send us an email, it's your mom's podcast at gmail.com. Subject line is airtight, and let us know if you were a man with two other guys, or you were a woman with three guys, filling you up. Please let us know if you were a man with two other guys or you were a woman with three guys filling you up please let us know what the story was thanks

Starting point is 00:27:30 so much. There's no house in the email it's your mom's podcast at gmail.com subject line air tight I feel like in the booth there's somebody that knows somebody that's gone airtight. Really? I just am curious. Does anybody in the booth know? Here's the thing too. I only think airtight applies in a non-professional.

Starting point is 00:27:47 I don't think it's like a scene. I don't, like if you were paid to perform. No, I'm talking about in a organic and life. It's an endormaroon. It's different, it's different. We're all drunk. Three guys at once. I mean, you're just fucking a limpian.

Starting point is 00:28:02 I know, but you are an Olympian. You are absolutely very rare. I know, very're a fucking Olympian. I know, but you are an Olympian. You are absolutely very rare. I know, very special. Very special. Some might say. Some might say even on the endangered species list. Josh has one, he was an attorney, and I feel like those guys.

Starting point is 00:28:14 We're healing, no. I don't. You heard about three sums, right? Just, yep, three sums are coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I've never known a girl. That, I mean, at least not that talked about it. Exactly, she's gonna be shamed by it, by most people. That's why the email is so safe.

Starting point is 00:28:30 Here's the, who is the other information? And here's the real problem with going airtight as a girl, is that you need to find not one, not two, but three lads that can keep their fucking mouth shut. They're not going to, never. At 20 years old, 19, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20,'ll be like, alright, two is really hard to find that it's going to be kept as he gets three, you can forget it. There's no fucking, I'm not putting this, but the basketball team ran a train on this chick in college, right?

Starting point is 00:29:11 So this is like six, seven, it's not the same though, they were just like, don't get around. Six or seven guys, they everybody tools for it, what they stand in line and like one guy comes in her and then the next guy comes in her. I don't get like the full, you know, treatment. I don't know the exact details of everything that went down, but everybody kind of found out about her and the guys. And, you know, I don't think it was like a nice setting.

Starting point is 00:29:35 I mean, it's a big fuckers, you know, 6667. Big guys. Where did it happen? In one of the dorms in college. Yeah. See, that's the thing, it's a small community when you're in college. Word gets around.

Starting point is 00:29:51 Everybody knows, like I told you about butt sex, Becky in high school. Like the one girl that had butt sex in high school and everybody knows about her. Oh, we had one like that too. Yeah. Everybody knows when you're young. And everybody shamed both of them.

Starting point is 00:30:03 Of course. She would cry. He was like, oh, you know, and then later on everybody was like, oh, he's actually pretty cool like he's actually a cool guy It's a cool guy. It's a cool move You're going for a hero. It's as a sophomore. What the fuck man? Yeah, you mature and you're like that guy's a hero actually Very cool guy Let me take a quick break and we'll be right back right back Very cool guy. Let me take a quick break and we'll be right back. Right back.

Starting point is 00:30:26 Softba mattress company. You've heard me talk about them for what, 15 years now? Why? Because I believe in this company. I love this company. I sleep on a Softba mattress every night and I thoroughly enjoy it. I sleep on the sole air. I can adjust the firmness, the softness, the bed goes up.

Starting point is 00:30:43 It goes down at lights up. It's fantastic. It even vibrates. It's so good. And I started with SOTAVA because we wanted an inexpensive mattress, but we didn't want to sacrifice the quality. And I found this company, SOTAVA, S-A-T-V-A dot com. Go there, go to SOTAVA dot com slash the shit and shop for your next mattress.

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Starting point is 00:31:37 on Shane Gillis's YouTube channel it's Sam talent everybody. Hey what a joy it's to be here. What a nice round of applause congrats on the special. Thank you. Where's your shoulder? Love again. Yeah. Yeah. Where'd you shoot it? I shot it at Gobernatus. Oh, you like that one. Did you do any coke that week? No, I did not because Marty has kids now. So I kept trying to guess what kind of Asian guy he was on stage, and I did not hit at his Taiwanese. Oh, he is.

Starting point is 00:32:08 Who's gonna go with Taiwanese? I would have guessed either. I hit Laosian, I hit Cambodian, no, that's Taiwanese. Did he tell you it was not one of the big three? Did he give you a hint? No, they love riddles. Yeah, they do. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:32:20 There's always some fun times at Goban Inn. So that's great at Goban Inn. Yeah, do you know how I love Cincinnati? It's a real mutant cage. Yeah. That place should have burnt down, but probably, I think they're laundering money for some kind of organized crime or organization.

Starting point is 00:32:34 Yeah, I think you, I think that's not off. Like on paper, all the tickets are $1,200. Yeah, I think you're right. Even though they're giving them away. Yeah, and I think they own like everything there. Oh, yeah, that whole area. Yeah. They, the gobin' in this.

Starting point is 00:32:49 It's the Taiwanese. The Taiwanese. Yeah. The Chinese are gonna destroy us. Oh, holy. They're so smart. God, I wanna be dominated by a better person. Oh, Johnny Summers was in here.

Starting point is 00:32:59 She's dominating. I mean, the way she's talking about her childhood and just how they're raised, they're work ethic. The absolute fucking crazy quality of that work ethic. America's got, we got soft home. We rested on our laurels and the Chinese are taking over. There's not a bamboo in this country. That's why.

Starting point is 00:33:19 That helps keep the kids in line over there. I like the thing that she said that I've heard from other Asians too, especially with like, you know, off the boat parents, was that like, her mom was like, look, you're not pretty. You're not smart. You smell bad. You're not special.

Starting point is 00:33:36 People aren't gonna like you. And she was like, fuck, well, I got to come up with something. So like she's just, she believed it. And then it was like, well, I guess I'll develop my skills in this this way and ended up coming like up with businesses like she would she ended up with like a cheat sheet business for like school So you could text her and pay her and then she would send you the answers to different tests Wow, I was like that's brilliant. Yeah, that's really yes

Starting point is 00:34:01 Yes, very much so and then she was like, you you know, so I found some self worth in that. People were like, well, we like you, you're cool. And she was like, even though I'm not attractive and I'm stupid, or whatever, like I'm ugly in that. Yeah, but you're savvy, you know? So then if that helped her out, and then she said she came here, and then she was eventually was like,

Starting point is 00:34:20 oh, I should sit up straight and put on makeup and all this stuff. And then she's like, and then I became pretty. Yeah, so like, you know how my mom was like, you're perfect. You look at you. You know, what your pants don't fit? Bigger pants?

Starting point is 00:34:31 Don't worry. That's the American way. Yeah, that is the American way. And I'm hunching over to hide my breasts right now. So, she should have really put a little bit of self-hated. Self-hated me. I look back on like all the positive talk. I've been like, yeah, I think a little bit of self-hating. I look back on all the positive talk. I've been like, yeah, I think a little bit of,

Starting point is 00:34:47 you really should exercise more. It would have been good. Yeah, or like, yeah, you don't have to. I had a fridge in my room, dude. Oh, yeah. I had a mini fridge in my room growing up. Yeah. And a clapper.

Starting point is 00:34:58 So I would just lay around like a sloughful glutton, just playing video games and eating pop tarts out of the fridge and my right next to my bed. You could dig around in there and then self-sooth. That's very self-soothing, yeah. I think ignoring your kids, that's what worked for me. I mean sometimes they tell me that wasn't shit, but most of the time just like negligence.

Starting point is 00:35:17 Sure, yeah. So then you're like, well, am I good or am I bad? I don't even know. Change the oven the art, let them run laps. That ambiguousness of like, do they love me or not? I think that helped me. You gotta keep them guessing. Cause now I'm looking for love.

Starting point is 00:35:28 I'm like, let me do comedy if I'm funny people love me. Yeah. Try to fill up that reservoir. Yeah. That's where you gotta find something. Fill in the void. Yeah, we fill it with metamusel now. I'd be tried it.

Starting point is 00:35:40 I was so jealous. I got here just in time for the dual metamusel challenge. And it's a bulking season. Yeah. You got a 10-deer log. Do you ever have any? Of course. Oh, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:35:50 Yeah. Can I ever have it? I mean, it's new to me. It's new to me. This is a new development. It's totally new to me. Oh, yeah, you got to get it in. Yeah, it's like in its-

Starting point is 00:35:57 Do you relax? During wrestling season, we would be on laxatives in all chewing tobacco so we could spit and just dump constantly. Wow. Just a cutway. Yeah, well wearing a trash bag underneath like your letter jacket. What did you write?

Starting point is 00:36:08 275. But I had to cut from 320 from football down to 275 every year. Jesus. That's 50 pounds. In like six weeks. Yeah, it was very unhealthy. So when you can tell, like kept the weight off. When you would start the cut, would it be a matter of like,

Starting point is 00:36:22 would you go, okay, like from now on, I'm gonna, like, would you calorie restrict them? I'm saying, I'm gonna get you to start. I was egg whites in Clementine's, and no water. Egg whites in Clementine's. And no water, yeah. Mm-hmm. It was very bad.

Starting point is 00:36:34 My mom used to buy me like a fedron too. Oh yeah. I'd be on speed pills to stuff to kill the internet at coal. Yeah. Yeah, everyone in an coal died. My mom was like, they're giving this stuff away. Whatever that like, you know, that pill she was on, and I was zuded on that stuff throughout high school.

Starting point is 00:36:49 Yeah, damn. Wow. Yeah, it was fun. Six weeks ago, you lose 50 pounds. I dropped like 50, 45 pounds. Man, ask, why are the clementines? I don't know, because my mom did some kind of math on the amount of calories I needed to have,

Starting point is 00:37:02 and I think there was like a fear of scurvy as well because I wasn't eating like anything else besides clementines and egg whites. They were good. Yeah, people don't like clementines without using my hands. Yeah, I feel like people don't realize with wrestling and also even like the fight game like a professional fights like how crazy some of this shit gets for cutting weight. Like the high level guys too, sometimes they'll, you'll have weigh in and then when they step in the ring for their fight,

Starting point is 00:37:32 the 25 or 30 pounds heavier. That's like a huge advantage to the guy who doesn't have to, his walk around weight is 155. But the other guy cuts for it. And then when he steps in the ring, he's 174 and you're like, oh shit, this is, he should be in a different weight class. Yeah, and after weigh-ins, we'd have baguettes.

Starting point is 00:37:52 And as soon as you got off the scale, you ripped the top off the baguette and just plunge your hand inside of it, rip out that doughy core, and that was like, that was better than any kind of intercourse I ever experienced in high school. Just got, yeah. How long out of baguettes,

Starting point is 00:38:04 eating in front of your peers? What's the time between the way and for wrestling and like in high school or whatever, and actually stepping in the ring? Like what's the, is it at the day before? Is it? No, it's the day of. It's the day of, right? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:38:16 Hours before? Yes, you just go in, like with a belly full of sourdough bread. Okay. Yeah, just right. And then after your match, you would just be starving too, I guess, right? Like when you're after your match, you would just be starving too, I guess, right? Like when you're done. Well, you would have one day where you could just have a buck and all.

Starting point is 00:38:29 Yeah. And you really treat yourself. Okay. Surge going around the locker room. Did you like wrestling? No, I hated it. Yeah, I didn't. I just didn't need to dominate a boy. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:38:39 But my coaches made me do it because you know, I'm fat I would get. You're fat I didn't have to do it. Really? Football was my big sport. I was like all-state in that, but I had to wrestle. And you'd see wrestling parents, you know?

Starting point is 00:38:49 Like there was the McVick or brothers. They would win, and their dad would just be up there with a big dip in, and he would look at him, and he would go, and that was as good as they got. That's what they got from dad. And they're like, that was a big deal. Yeah. You see dad nodded us today.

Starting point is 00:39:02 Right. And then they went on to family, annihilator, whatever, but you know, they didn't lose. Yeah. Yeah, wrestling is nodded us today. Right. Then they went on to family, annihilator, whatever, but they didn't lose. Yeah. Yeah, wrestling is, as a different dude that loves wrestling. Mm-hmm. A lot of horseplay. A lot of cool cocks in the locker room.

Starting point is 00:39:16 A lot of what time is it? Yeah. It seems, it translates a little, it seems similar to Jiu-Jitsu, probably. Which our boys are into. And the people that we go to are so nice, but they're like, Christina, why don't you try? And I'm like, that's disgusting, dude.

Starting point is 00:39:33 I don't want like dick and balls and feet in my fucking face. Like, it's disgusting. You don't want ringworm. Is that what you get? Oh, for sure. How do you, what is ringworm? And how do you get it? I don't know. It's something like that, right? Like, if you get from the mat and then, you get it on for sure. How do you, what is Ringworm and how do you get it? I don't know, it's something that. I think it's from the mat, right?

Starting point is 00:39:45 Like, isn't it? It's from the mat and then, you get it on your ankles and your buddies would come and pee on your feet. That was the big fun thing. And that kills it. I don't think so. But it would seem to be the reason to pee on someone.

Starting point is 00:39:55 Yeah, exactly. Is it really a worm? Here we go. Contact with objects or surfaces that infect a person or animal has recently touched her. Hit that first drop down. Ringworm isn't a worm, so skin infections is caused by mold-like fungi that live on the dead tissue of your skin, hair, and nails.

Starting point is 00:40:15 You can get it any of these places and on your scalp. Well, it's cool you can get it in more places than you thought. Yeah. God. Getting it on your head. That's not, and I have the head for it too. Yeah, you do. You got ringworm head. Yeah. I have. That means you're all begging for it. You should probably shower after you do your Jetsu. You had to shower with all of these other young men.

Starting point is 00:40:35 And you could see who was pubeless. You could see who developed early. That's horrifying. There was a good name, Dan Stark of it. You had a real gutter-joker. And he would just whack people with it in the shower. Really? And there I was, you know, completely emaci joker and he would just whack people with it in the shower. Really? And there I was, you know, completely emaciated, no water in me. So I just have like a pig snout, there's nothing, there was no length of what I had. And then they start telling people about it.

Starting point is 00:40:54 Yeah, yeah, it's good. It makes everybody feel better. No, for sure, yeah. This is why you just stand up. Oh, yes, that was broken. Yeah, it's like a logical trauma. Yeah, those locker rooms are so fucking strange. You know what, people would make fun of me

Starting point is 00:41:09 for what I'm gonna tell you, but when I tell them how it started, it's, I think it makes more sense. So I moved during my freshman year of high school. Football, my dad, we couldn't move earlier, but my dad was like, you can't leave your team during the season so we moved the family move was based on my freshman football team season ending so the season ends and he's like now we can move so we move from Milwaukee to Florida and when I get there, their season's over. So, whatever, Spring Ball comes.

Starting point is 00:41:48 And when I'm on the Spring Football team, like the first practice, after practice, all the guys go into the shower to shower with their boxers on. Oh, wow. And I was like, okay, so like when I told people, they're like, I've told people we showered with boxers, and they're like, why would you do that? I'm like, because I was like, okay, so like when I told people, they're like, I've told people we share with boxers and they're like, why would you do that?

Starting point is 00:42:06 I'm like, because I was a freshman and the upper classmen are doing this. I was like, you're gonna be the freshman that goes, like, not me, like, you're like standing out as making, I go, why are we doing this? And you're down to new, new, new kid? Yeah, it's not happening. So I never, like, it just was the standard of, like I said, the old, you're 14 and there's

Starting point is 00:42:30 17, 18 doing this. I was like, I guess this is what they do here. But it was like weird, but I guess it avoided kind of the trauma of what you're talking about. Yeah. You can pipe check. Well, I should say that there's a couple dudes that would, they would let it be known that they don't have to wear

Starting point is 00:42:51 boxes. And they didn't look like you and me. Let's just say that. Big. Big and dark. Dark. Yeah. Purple. Yeah. You said unless you didn't know exist. Thigh slappers. I grew up in rural Colorado. We did not have a very diverse population. Yeah. So that Dan, can I told you about, was half Samoan.

Starting point is 00:43:13 Right. And now I just think that Samoans have legendary hogs. Well, you might be right. I'll tell you this, these South Florida black dicks are no joke. No, no, no, these are fucking serious. Oh, they're opposite of a joke. Yeah. And like these, you're like, oh, these are fucking serious. I'm not even opposite of a joke. Yeah, these are like, holy fuck. Yeah, they're the war crimes of a dick. Yeah, and you're like, oh, he's the one

Starting point is 00:43:31 who's protesting the boxes. Oh, okay, I got it. Yeah. I was tits, like back in junior high, they made a shower after PE. I know, and I was goth, so I didn't really work up a sweat in PE. I was like, I'm not doing it.

Starting point is 00:43:44 I got no care, fail me. I don't want to do this. Yeah, and I just remember seeing like big old sloppy ploppy tits Yeah, like yeah, dude The Mexican girls had the biggest slappers. Oh, yeah, cuz like they develop early, you know I'm like black chicks Texas before But it was fucking grunt like I don don't wanna shower when I'm 13. Yeah, I'm sure that's not. It was horrible.

Starting point is 00:44:07 Were you with it supervised? Yeah, there's like a lady there, like a lady. Oh, she wears it. Yeah. Hahaha. Did she have my sets? She's clothes. Was she G.A. Y?

Starting point is 00:44:18 The Spangler. No, she was really young. She was a large-aged teacher was like the gayest one ever. She's dead. She's dead. She's a lightning. What? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:44:31 Really? Seriously. She died by lightning. She died by lightning. On the football field that I played high school football. Yeah. Dude. Did she just get crispy?

Starting point is 00:44:41 Like, did it burn? She did it at all. No. No. It was horrific. She, No, no, it was horrific. She, uh, it wasn't light and easy. It wasn't like cool. No, it was, uh, she was our athletic trainer. She eventually became the athletic director.

Starting point is 00:44:55 She was always around the gym and she had like that old school lesbian gym teacher. Like, I mean, honestly, I really liked her. She was tough, but the tough that you like, she would like to me, she would be like, hey, Sakura, somebody you're a sister, man. The fuck, how come she's not like you? You know, she's got such an attitude,

Starting point is 00:45:16 and I'd be like, I don't know. I would just, yeah, same thing at home. She's like, Jesus, great. Alright, get over here, let me fucking tape you up. She talked to you like a friend kind of, you know? I remember that. Cause how old are you? I'm 36.

Starting point is 00:45:31 All right, so you're way younger than me. But do you remember Bruce Smith for the... The defensive end? Yeah, for the bills. So he had a very specific way that he would get taped. So his hands were taped. Can you pull up Bruce Smith Bill's hand tape or maybe it'll just be there if you just pull them up? But he was like, you know, all pro.

Starting point is 00:45:52 Very square head. Yeah, well, he and he had like this, I'll say, you see that one where he's running. So it's kind of like, it's kind of like, like a lot of football players play with just the wrist tape, right? But he stood out because he had his hands taped, kind of like a boxer wood. You know what I mean? Like it up through the hands. And I was like, yo, I want you to take my hands like this. She goes, fuck no, I'm not taping your hands like that. And I go, why?

Starting point is 00:46:17 She goes, you're not Bruce Smith. And that was it, you know? Like she was like, she was fun like that. Yeah. They tell him, I'm not taping your wrist that way. Yeah. I'm gonna put my metal hat and go stand outside. I'm gonna put on my fifth helmet. I'll be out there.

Starting point is 00:46:29 I got the word. I was like, someone was like, hey, she died. And I was like, no, how'd she die? And they're like, she was just, it was, this is the weird thing about like that Florida, tropical climate. It was a clear day. Or like it wasn't during a storm and she

Starting point is 00:46:46 was just walking across the field. I'm a clear day. It's like God's revenge. Yeah. She did something bad. Well, she's gay. That is guy. Yeah. Yeah. It's not. It's not. Remember that kids. You're not for God if you're gay. Just remember that. That's crazy. He'll find you. He'll find you when you're fucking 53. He can smite you. Yep. So anyway, rest in peace, Miss Hinton. Yeah. Yeah. What are we talking about?

Starting point is 00:47:10 Dicks. 13-year-old tips. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Back to Christina. Go ahead, yeah. No, I used to do it. Don't you think it used to do it, I would do more.

Starting point is 00:47:18 Do you think it's more? Public school they made us do it, I don't like that. It's like more demormalizing, more humiliating for the men and their penis as though. I mean, I think for, I don't like that. It's like more demoralizing, more humiliating for the men and their penises though. I mean, I think for, I don't can't say more or less because what you're going through at 13 is like, you get in your period for the first time. So then you're like, what if I have my fucking period?

Starting point is 00:47:36 And I don't know if you're using a tampon yet at 13 and you're like, I'm gonna bleed in the shower with everybody, they're gonna know. Oh yeah. That's worse because blood comes out of your genitals at that age. Right. And you don't really know how to deal with it.

Starting point is 00:47:47 Well, it can come out of a boy's genitals too. I guess, I'm time alone. Yeah. Yeah. It feels so good at first, but then it hurts. Girls are mean too. But girls have tits that they compare. You guys with your dicks, but we have our tits

Starting point is 00:48:00 and like, I'm periods. Yeah, I know. It's a different thing. It is totally different, but I'm just wondering if it, I think I might, like, there's this, I think there's this hope for women that doesn't exist maybe with boys,

Starting point is 00:48:11 because like if you're a man and they're like, your dick isn't big, they don't go like, yeah, but it'll probably get, they're gonna grow into you. Right, dick's gonna come in. They don't, like, I mean, but a woman, you could be like,

Starting point is 00:48:22 oh yeah, but your tits are coming. You have hope. Yeah, some never do that. I mean, Yeah, some never do could be like, oh yeah, but your tits are coming. You have hope. Some never do that. I mean, Yeah, some never do. Cause there is one girl that really hungry tits when I was in eighth grade. And we were like, maybe next year it'll grow in for you.

Starting point is 00:48:33 Yeah. Or you forgot the first thing. But also modified tits can be a thing that like in today's world can be well done. Modified dicks. That's not possible. I mean, it's possible, but it's digs. That's not possible. I mean, it's possible, but it's not good. It's not gonna, haven't they, like,

Starting point is 00:48:48 I'm surprised they haven't perfected that. I feel like. You think all the money in the world will be dedicated to that? Yeah. Well, like, you guys have Viagra, male stuff. It's like, they're always looking for it. There's no way to make a guy's dig bigger.

Starting point is 00:49:00 I know it's good, because there is, but like, I've seen some video on it once, and it looks like like it looks like a Sloppy donut that was baked poorly and it's just like like it looks fatter by Yeah, it looks it really doesn't It is a disaster like look it can be you know, that is terrible if you have such a small one Nothing to be done for it. It's true, at least I can buy tits. Yeah, I got those little guys.

Starting point is 00:49:27 No. Oh man. Do a post surgery penis enlargement. Oh, no. Oh. Oh, Jesus. Well, that one doesn't look so bad. Yeah, but here's the thing, it's not gonna be like,

Starting point is 00:49:41 they made that one huge. It's not gonna be like as functional as you want it to be. The whole idea, if you would do this, is that you don't want it just to be like, they made that one huge. It's not gonna be like as functional as you want it to be. The whole idea, if you would do this, is that you don't want it just to be bigger. You want it to like work well, right? And I think people who do this, they trade that. They go, well, it'll look big. You know, it'll, it'll, it'll,

Starting point is 00:49:57 but you won't function, which sucks. Then what's the point? What is the point? What is the before and after? Wasn't there before and after? What? Look at that. Oh my god. I mean, the before and after looks similar to me. I don't see the difference either. The length and ink. What? That's not okay. That can't be. Non-surgical enlargement. Oh, he put filler in there. But see, that's the thing is like that's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. But it

Starting point is 00:50:23 looks good as a flaccid. It looks like a huge flaccid hog. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's like putting it in. That's good, though. That's good, though. That's like putting it in. That's just under a layer of skin. Look, I'll do it if you just what you want. Is this what you want? Sure, bring in the caulking gun right now. Fill me up. To find out if you're a suitable candidate for a non-surgical penis and larger pristine or using fillers, please contact the Bugus cuff. Okay, I want you guys to flag this information.

Starting point is 00:51:02 If you have not had any previous penis implants, that's a, there's no reduce. There's no reduce here. One strike. It looks like right now I'm I'm like I'm available for this. I can do this. You don't need this. I don't but I mean I'm not. It's not. I go to Australia. Yeah. You can write it off. I'll tell you this though, I get fellers in my face and it is not painless. It is painful and they do numb your face. Think about the results of this. If they can numb your dick skin before they inject your dick with filler, it hurts.

Starting point is 00:51:38 By the way, isn't there a thing when you get filler where they go? I mean, it's not likely, but it is possible that we fuck up in some way and that your face doesn't move again. No, that's Botox. They can paralyze you, but you can also go blind from doing filler and Botox. If they, yep, and if they get the wrong, it's around your eyes. So if you have a bad, that's why you don't, you don't do Botox and filler in the mall gals. You go to like a plastic surgeon, somebody that has a really deep knowledge. Have a Botox party like my female.

Starting point is 00:52:09 I would never. You want to go do a dick filling party? Do a dick fill. Yeah, that's it. Dude, it's on me. I got you. Thank you, dude. You're gonna be so gaped.

Starting point is 00:52:19 Yeah. You're gonna be destroyed. I'm already destroyed. I had a water tight talk earlier. Come on. Dude, dick filling. This is a great idea. I'm already destroyed. And that water tight talk earlier. Come on. Dude, dick filling. This is a great idea. Get the boys together.

Starting point is 00:52:29 Yeah. That little barbecue. Do a before and after photo shoot. We have to do the before and after photo. We're matching outfits. Because the, those after photos are going to make us feel so good. Oh, yeah. And I think we should share the befores

Starting point is 00:52:41 that everybody's shame and humiliate us. Right. And you go, wait till you see my dick in about an hour. Yeah. And then it reminds fork, it looks like a lizard's tongue. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Starting point is 00:52:52 You know, I was talking to Toby Morse, he's a punk or guy in a band. And he said that guys are getting, that guys get dick sleeves. Huh? Uh huh. Like tattoos? Yo, dick sleeves. Like, you know those guys. I was going to drag it on his penis.

Starting point is 00:53:05 And he would get it all worked up and then show us at parties. That's right. Yeah, but right above it, there was, where his pubic region was, there was a swastika. So that really ruined the vibe. Oh Jesus.

Starting point is 00:53:16 Yeah. You gave me my toe tattoos. Okay, what is? Really? Mm-hmm. Okay, if you could enlarge your penis but you have to get a dick sleeve first, would you do it? If you could enlarge your penis, but you have to get a dick sleeve first, would you do it? If you could enlarge my penis,

Starting point is 00:53:27 but I have to get a dick sleeve first? Like this. But you get the, you can get whatever you want in a penis. Like, that's the trade-off. You have to get dick sleeves, but. I have to get totally covered. Uh-huh, like that. You have to get that exact thing on your dick. I did the bean bag Uh huh, like that. He has to get that exact thing on your dick.

Starting point is 00:53:45 I did the bean bag too, look at that. Uh huh. But you can have whatever dick you want that you think is like the perfect dick. What if you had, you could get a bigger dick, but you had to get the equivalent size of balls. Wait, what? So you get a huge dick, but then your balls also grow

Starting point is 00:54:02 to the same ratio that your dick grows. To the same ratio? Yeah. So you've got a huge dick, but then your balls also grow to the same ratio that you're doing. To the same ratio? Yeah. So you've got a big piece, but now you're lugging around a couple of big Mac buns. Okay, I do it. I think I do it. You have to get special pants.

Starting point is 00:54:16 It's a dress like a chic. Yeah, you do kind of just get out. That's why they do it. But I think I would do it just for, but at this point, here's the thing. In this scenario I am definitely Gonna announce that I'm that guy and I'm gonna make it part of my identity

Starting point is 00:54:32 I'm gonna make it it's like the person who every post is about weed Right, they're like I like weed and you know I get it Where's where yeah, and then they're like I'm smoking weed right now look at my weed and it's just that's right I would be that for like, I have huge chicken balls. You should come talk to me. You should come meet me. If you want to see it, it's totally fun. It's a real food scale.

Starting point is 00:54:50 Yeah, do whatever you want. I'll do photo shoots with you, birthday parties, whatever you want. You guys get to see them. So yeah, I would do it. Would you do the dick sleeve and pick every day? Well, yeah, that's part of the trade off. Okay, would you rather, I haven't done this in a long time.

Starting point is 00:55:02 Sure. Would you rather have a huge cock like the cock of your dreams, but you're short for a man, whatever that is. Like what's the point? It's both if it would be brand new for me. I try your tall. I'm huge. Like you're small as a point.

Starting point is 00:55:17 Yeah, I'm seven four. Seven four. Huge. Or would you be, you're a big dick in your short, but you're, or be super tall, like tall, or have a small one. In there. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:55:31 I want a different, I want a different ride, yeah. If you're four, 10, and you have like a parking cone. A piece. You're gonna be able to, you're gonna be famous. They're gonna be in movies. And everyone's gonna talk about you. Yeah. Even if you go, I don't want this to get out, I guess what, it's getting out.

Starting point is 00:55:48 Yeah. Everyone's gonna be, your friends, your guy friends are gonna be like, fucking little Sammy's dick is crazy. It is nuts. Do you think Prince had a huge piece on him? He must have had a unit because- Yeah, yeah. Give him a mysterious-

Starting point is 00:56:00 Yeah. You were too much velvet to have like a- He was little, but he was like this much much easier mo You know like he was so much He had himself assured he was well his talent was out of control Like out of this world and I think that lends itself to like the way he could care because everyone knew He could play all those instruments. He was able of music musical genius That's what all that swag comes from but it's not from the dick. I'm gonna eat a dexterous dick like a thumb joint type

Starting point is 00:56:24 Yeah, he looked like you could bend and stuff That's what all that swag comes from, but it's not from the dick. But he had a dexterous dick, like a thumb joint type situation. Yeah, he looked like you could bend and stuff. Well, what would you do? Would you be tall, but with a smaller dick? Short with a huge height. I do the short big dick ride. Yeah. I think that'd be fun.

Starting point is 00:56:35 How short are we talking? How tall? Well, I don't know. I don't know what's short. I don't want to throw out numbers because I don't know. How tall was Napoleon born apart? He was like six three. How tall was Napoleon Bonaparte? He was like six, three.

Starting point is 00:56:45 How tall was he? Between five, two, and five, seven. That's pretty small. Yeah, but a magic he was bragging his tip. If he's had a scabbed up tip, what's that from? Well, it's the ground all the time. It's from the tarmac.

Starting point is 00:57:02 What? Yeah, dude. I had to get these like a dick pouch, this thing where I just kind of stuff it in, so it doesn't get in the way of me getting through my tasks for the day. What about huge dick, but it has a sand paper like texture.

Starting point is 00:57:15 Ooh. So it hurts. It hurts your hand when you commit the lonely act. I don't want that. No. No, because I wanted to get touched a lot. Right. Well, you could put it in a condom.

Starting point is 00:57:27 Like a fricking loser. No, and I think women's dick, because you guys are obsessed with your dick, the side of your dick thing is our weight. We're obsessed with our weight. If I was just skinning or I'd be better, people would love me more. I think this guy would like me more. My wife got to 180 during med school and I wanted all of that.

Starting point is 00:57:48 Wow. Because she would just sit in her room and like study and then she lost all the weight and she'd look at pictures and be like, oh my God, I was such a pig. And I was like, you mean when your breast hurt your back? Yeah, I hated that. When you look like a drawing in a prisoner's notebook,

Starting point is 00:58:03 what a nightmare that was. Yeah, you want to put, why don't you do that again? Do it again, yeah. But he's happy and healthy now. Yeah, so, by now. Yeah, I remember one time, it was just like she was wearing a shirt that she used to wear. And it had rid up where like the bottom of the shirt

Starting point is 00:58:19 had gone up under the breasts. Yeah. And I was just staring at here. Just mouth-a-gap and she's like, are you having a stroke? She thought I was having some kind of like TIE because I was like, just tits her, what's up right now?

Starting point is 00:58:31 Oh yeah. I remember your big old pregnant tits. We all do. Let's talk about them. They were ignore, I mean, my one of my tits was the biggest is head, not even exaggerating. When I was breastfeeding,

Starting point is 00:58:41 I mean, we took a picture, remember we took a picture of my tits? Cause it was just, I remember, I liked that, I liked that face. I remember I'd be like, I mean, we took a picture, when we took pictures of my tits, because it was just... I remember, I liked that, I liked that face, I remember I'd be like, look at this fucking slut. Big tidid-down. Stupid baby inside of her, like, she's definitely like, there's nothing she can do, she can't help herself.

Starting point is 00:58:56 She's totally dependent on me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like just, oh man. It was really good for like hostage kind of fantasies, you know? I like that, I'm into that, I wish you would have let me know. I like that. Well, it matters what happened in here. I was like, bitch, it didn't get in out. You know, it's fucking...

Starting point is 00:59:10 There wasn't the press at all. Because he doesn't want to let me go. Is that because you love me so much? Just kind of filled the idea of keeping somebody cap. I like that. I can do that. There's more about the power and the control. I like that. Yeah. And then also, I more about the power and the control. I like that.

Starting point is 00:59:26 Yeah, and then also I thought, like, I would imagine you're going to be like, can I leave now? You know what, when we were done? I was like, no, shut up. And here's a bowl of food. Yeah, just put it on the ground. There's a drain in the floor. Everything's an oil.

Starting point is 00:59:38 You know what's so sad is this is like a form of love. Like I feel like you're expressing your love. What's that? What will you just explain? This fantasy is like that. You know what, I feel like you're expressing your love. What's that? Well, will you just explain this fantasy is like, You know what, I fucking talk about this anymore. Yeah, see, and then it goes back to quiet, Tom. Oh, when he Cummings, when she was pregnant, everybody was so, uh,

Starting point is 00:59:55 Ron White wanted a banger, everybody wanted a banger, because she just looked so. Well, because he was a miracle. Fertil. Yeah. No, she looked great. When he Cummings looked great pregnant, she was just, right? Well, there he is. That is all was a miracle fertile. Yeah, no, she looked great when you come in looks great pregnant She was just right. That's all one of the bangers. Oh, she was 65 with a baby in her

Starting point is 01:00:12 Glow is real though the glow is real. She looked amazing. I saw her. Yeah, yeah, she looked like a vibrant Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You know, well as a vibrant You've had any kind of erectile disorder problems. I'm here to tell you. Forget that background, forget about salads, forget about voice, plants and all that stuff. So I don't know if you believe in your nut, but if you like to see me smoke some meth with a small limp dick, then get hard and either way and watch you harder and harder and harder. No, thanks. The harder my dick gets, the more I smoke. Your dickhead becomes so sensitive that you don't need to lose.

Starting point is 01:00:51 You don't need to spit. You just stroke that dickhead, disupeat. I'm not paying it. Four times. This whole thing. You know shoot and enormous. I'm not a very thick, thick, hot white com. My brother didn't believe. But when he smoked with me, he put

Starting point is 01:01:07 at his dick, I couldn't believe how big his dick was. He jacked off in four strokes and shot the most come. He never shot in his life. He's 49. He's fine. He has no neuropathy problems at all. But his dick is even harder and thicker and even more come. He believes in L. That's cool, right? No, neuropathy problems. Like myself. My brother's a healthier guy. You know what gives you a boner?

Starting point is 01:01:31 Spider bites. Yeah. Like black widow or a hobo spider? Really? Yeah, pre-epism's one of the side effects. No shit. Yeah, so you're just like dying slowly, but you've never been harder.

Starting point is 01:01:41 Wow. Yeah. You gotta flip a manhole cover. You're dick so tough. Math. We gotta do math and a manhole cover, you're dick so tough. Math. We gotta do math and a spider bite and see like, what kind of. The Tallahassee double dip.

Starting point is 01:01:50 There you go. I can get a result set. Can you do your math, mate, with your brother? No. Definitely not. The first time I ever masturbated was a rumble pack on a PS2 controller. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:02:02 And I was just in my lap and I was driving. I was playing twisted metal. I'm like the car crashed into the wall. And I was just in my lap and I was driving, I was playing twisted metal. I'm like the car crashed into the wall. And I was like, oh, so then I just kept restarting the game and driving into the wall until I ejaculated in my friend's basement. That's awesome. Yeah, that's such a unique.

Starting point is 01:02:15 It was cool, but the whole no-com shot porn thing, I didn't, because I was a young man, we only had like basic cable. So you'd watch red shoe diaries. You'd be like, well, this was cool. I don't know what to do. Why my dick's hard. Am I gonna do?

Starting point is 01:02:27 And then when it happened organically, I was so afraid. Yeah. That's something terrible happened. Yeah, this was like, that's so disappointing. Yeah. Because also like, this was definitely a step up from Showtime, Skinimax movies.

Starting point is 01:02:41 This was a hardcore x-rated thing. And then they were just like, no,Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men,Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men,Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men,Men, X-Men, X-Men,Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men,Men, X-Men, X-Men,Men, X-Men, X-Men,Men, X-Men, X-Men,Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men,Men, X-Men,Men, X-Men, X-Men,Men, X-Men,Men, X-Men, X-Men, X-Men,Men, X- I don't draw air drop it to me. I wanna see something. Mm-hmm. Do you like lesbian porn? Not in the least. Thank you. No. But there's about four women now who get into my rotation. Cause I really don't treat myself very often. I like to keep my seed for my wife. Sure. Cause God forbid she wants to go and you can't.

Starting point is 01:03:16 Yeah. That's a nightmare. So I don't really do that. But yeah, there's four people who really can get me right where I need to go. I feel so terrible. Can I see you talking about this? Sidebar question. What race do you think he is?

Starting point is 01:03:28 That guy? Guadamollan. Really? He is Guadamollan eyebrows. You think so? Oh yeah. Do you think there's anything else there? Maybe some like ancient lizard people.

Starting point is 01:03:42 Like kind of like Anastasi blood maybe? Could be. Yeah. Why do you know? No, I just like to get people, like kinda like Anastasi blood maybe. Could be. Yeah. Why do you know? No, I just like to get people's take on it. Yeah, he's some kind of South American type. Okay. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:03:53 Yeah. A lot of meth in his body. Oh, for sure. They think he's black. I don't think he's black. Whatever he is, he's excited about being alive. He is very excited about being alive. He's very excited about being alive.

Starting point is 01:04:03 He's a good guy. What am I? Dear dear friends. Yeah. Can we do my cool tourism videos? Oh sure, yeah. I want to introduce you to a new lane of TikTok videos I found. It's like dumb Americans going to awful places and doing stupid things.

Starting point is 01:04:21 Okay. And they make travel diaries about them like on our trip to Kyrgyzstan, we found an actual lovely boutique where they sold children's feet, hobbled, and you know, like it's just terrible. The food wasn't very good in Afghanistan. Like, you know shit. It's like dumb tourists. Dumb tourists who are like, you know, here it's a, they're saying to stay off the streets and to stay up this highway, but we're going to give it a here it's a, they're saying to stay off the streets and to stay off this highway, but we're gonna give it a shot. See where we end up?

Starting point is 01:04:48 They're trying to hitchhike back to our hotel. Like, why are you doing this? So this guy followed us for 30 miles. Only the locals saved us. Anyway, there's this really cool spot in town where you can find hats. And like, what the fuck is wrong with you? I just spend the night in the busier's cheapest hotel, and this is how it went.

Starting point is 01:05:04 Okay, so this is what four dollars get to you in a bougie and Nigeria. This is the cheapest accommodation you can find here in the capital. Cheapest on looking, cheapest I could find online. And this is the slice of what you get. You get a decent sized bed. You get a fan, you get this iPad thing on a wall. This is what the walls look like. It's about right.

Starting point is 01:05:28 It's not the cleanest. No. But I guess it does the job. You get what you pay for, not complaining. It's $4, which is very affordable in Africa. This is the bathroom, it's an on-suit. Why isn't it into a toilet? Yes, nice.

Starting point is 01:05:49 A really tight bathroom. I couldn't go in there. I don't think this is gonna work There's no toilet. Why is his um, you're in so yellow Yeah, that was yeah, let me show you off side The rooms are named after British cities. So I'm in Oh, it's written on a sharpie over the room. Yeah, I mean, it was $4, bro. Like you are, you're not sure I mean something I didn't expect. And yeah, this is what you got.

Starting point is 01:06:14 I think it'll be a chandelier here. Nothing special, but you get what you pay for, guys. Yeah. He's gonna wake up in a fucking tub of ice with his kidneys gone. This is so bad. He's like his passport to check it instead of safe somewhere. It's just like a strange thing to be like, you want to see some super dangerous shit I did?

Starting point is 01:06:36 Yeah. I managed to leave with my phone. Here it is. Here's parts of the world that you're not welcome in. And I went there like, I don't know, here's. Come with me to the dentist in Georgia the country Not the state. I've been having a lot of pain in my jaw and came to the dentist for my second day in the country Everything here is very clean and professional. The dentist speaks English very well

Starting point is 01:06:57 For foreign diplomats living in They sent me to get an x-ray and told me I had to take out all my earrings and I said I couldn't do that So they decided to do the X-ray anyways I don't just recommend that I get a night guard to wear because she thinks I'm clenching my jaw while I sleep I paid $67 for the checkup and X-ray and a custom night guard Followed to see more of Europe's most underrated country. I mean, it's a phenomenal price I have to give her that that That is a tremendous price to get. The checkup, the X-ray and the mouthguard for $67.

Starting point is 01:07:29 I'm glad she's afraid of being victimized in the street. She can't sleep without just going into night tears. I mean, also like, we're suffering like this in the States. And you're like, I'll just wait till I get to the Republic of Georgia. Oh yeah, handle this. But I mean, how old everything,

Starting point is 01:07:45 everything looks like it's from the 60s. It's from the Soviet era. But also, it looks old, but it's not as bad as it could be, right? Like, they'd still have some modern equipment. They had stuff that you would see in a modern-day dentist. Like, you know, the TV for the, like, I don't know. I don't think it was. It looks like they're in a whole day dentist. Like, do you know the TV for the, I don't know, I don't think it was. I don't think it was. It looks like they're in a swimming pool.

Starting point is 01:08:08 Like where they used to bathe horses. Yeah, of course. It's like, it's deep there. Dude, man, you can walk above and like that horse is getting very cramped. Yeah, yeah. He's gonna be ready for the king. In the summer of 94, when I French kissed my second cousin,

Starting point is 01:08:25 that same summer, I ate Mentos. There was an apple flavor I found in Europe. And I ate them every day and I gave myself a cavity. And I'm around week two of my four week trip and Buddha pushed. I felt the cavity and I was like, no way am I going to Hungarian down. I just fucked this shit.

Starting point is 01:08:41 I'll just wait till I get out of the state. You're in a Hungarian to be clear. And I'm like, I'm not fucking go no way bro Anyway, I waited until I got back home. It had to be root canaled But I was still like worth it when never even get a cavity filled really Would you do it now? Yeah, now it was it's pretty westernized. They've gotten better. I was just great Really? Yeah, it's over there like a month ago. Oh shit Yeah, I did it a few months ago, it was great.

Starting point is 01:09:05 Yeah, that's great. But this is not, this is Georgia, bro. It's different. No thanks, no risk. I don't know. I wouldn't do like, I've been thinking about getting this procedure done all the way till I go to Republican Georgia.

Starting point is 01:09:17 I think I would do that. But I mean, if I had an emergency, I'd be like, nah, I didn't. I mean, $67. $67, it's crazy. A lot of people could have all their new teeth. Yeah, I got a mind removed. Yeah, I know I couldn't eat anymore. I'd be skinny. It's just soup for you ever. It's good thick water.

Starting point is 01:09:33 Yeah, broth. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you can still slurp. You can slurp all you want. Here's one more. Would you ride this train? Nope. We traveled with Dylan for over a month through three different countries and tonight we said goodbye. We've rode on a lot of old Soviet trains, but tonight is our first time riding in third class. The wagon is completely open and many people bring food and drinks to share during the journey. We had beds on the side, which are much smaller than the other beds.

Starting point is 01:10:02 Zack's bed was covered in sand, and we found some baby cockroaches crawling around on the floor. But at least the bathroom is very clean. It was much nicer than I expected. We'll ride this train for eight hours back to Toshken, the capital of Uzbekistan. Is this the couple that did the other stuff? They're like, here's where things got crazy. I think so, yeah. This gypsy lady threw a fucking bag of rocks at us.

Starting point is 01:10:26 You're like, okay. We thought it was a baby. Yeah. I've done this. This is like, this is their whole lane. This is their whole lane, bro. This is third class. Like, do we even know there was a third class on trains?

Starting point is 01:10:36 But they have sleeping beds. Yeah. Should we ride a train here for this class? You don't get a bed. Definitely not. No. This is so much better. That looked like Tim Dillon's tour bus.

Starting point is 01:10:45 Oh. Yeah. My bed was covered in sand. Yeah. It's got crutches. And she's a girl there. I was like, dude, I wouldn't, and she's like a cute young thing on a train like that. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:10:55 I would not close my eyes homey. No way. No how? It looked like an ice detainment center. Yeah. Let's do this one here. Fuck that. I want to try this.

Starting point is 01:11:05 It comes to fasting. Don't tell yourself you're eating nothing. You are eating. You're eating the crispy cream doughnut you had when you were eight years old. That's been on your fat fucking face your whole life. So let's get rid of that. You're still eating. So don't act like you're hungry.

Starting point is 01:11:21 You don't cry like a bitch. Like just do it. There you go, Tom. This is a really amazing. This is a really amazing thing. I always start weeping. We had two hours in. It's being consoled.

Starting point is 01:11:32 Have you done it fast? Yeah, I did it all during COVID. I did the one meal a day thing. Oh, you did? Yeah. I'm thinking about doing a three day fast. Gonna have water or no? Yeah, water.

Starting point is 01:11:43 Yeah, all right. Water fast. Water fast, do it. Go for it. You do that and then or no? Yeah, water, yeah. Okay, all right. Water fast. Water fast, dude. Go for it, you do that and then you get your dick and large and dude. Mm-hmm. Cause it's gonna, you're gonna see every day in that thing. You come with me if I do it.

Starting point is 01:11:52 I would gladly, it'd be a dream to go through a dick and large and yeah, filler, like see me get filler in it. Yeah. I'll wear one of those head-mounted cameras and just be right here over your crotch the whole time. Yeah, that'd be great. That'd be great. I wanna see where I can get, you know.

Starting point is 01:12:05 Yeah. I mean, you have kids. Yeah, you know. I just want to see, my main question for them is like, what's function? Like, if function stays the same, I'd be like, what's the harm here? Maybe you're just hard forever.

Starting point is 01:12:17 What about that each day? Dick filler. Filler is literally just a layer of gelatin. It's like a, it's literally like a whatever, a gelatin thing, and they rest it just just a layer of gelatin. It's literally a whatever, a gelatin thing, and they rest it just under a layer of muscle above the bone, right? So it just cosmetically lays. And if your body absorbs it.

Starting point is 01:12:34 I wanna know how long this lasts, because if I get used to this new, thick life, once a year, once a year, once a year, I got it. I don't know, maybe your dick absorbs it faster than your face, but my face filler is a year. Okay, you're gonna be squeezing it all the time. You're like, oh man, we have so much to think. This is exciting.

Starting point is 01:12:51 I think you're really into it. Where would you have to go to Australia for it? I'm gonna go to Australia, but they have to offer this here. Come on. Do dick fillers have to be more centralis? Somebody in LA does it go to the best. Filler and large men Austin's accent. Maybe my plastic surgeon can,

Starting point is 01:13:09 we wanna call mine and ask her, right? Yeah, sure, yeah, I do. Number one cosmetic penis doctor. Upsized matters. Oh, I wanna curse him. Dude, let's look at the before after pictures. Oh, wow, what can we do for you? Upsized. Upsized. Before an act. Oh there you go. Oh hell yeah dude. Come on. You ready Tom? Come on. How many fucking? Alright. Flasda.

Starting point is 01:13:36 That guy was already huge. Oh yeah but look at this. Oh wow. After 12 milliliters. 12 mills. Okay. Correct before 24. Whoa. Look how shiny it is. And also they put a woman's hand on that for us. Yeah, that's cool. Or in any way, cool finger nails. That's true.

Starting point is 01:13:54 That's what I want to see. Interesting. Okay, that's significantly. It's like looking at a mirror. Ha ha ha ha. How'd they get this? That's good. Is that a tiny guy?

Starting point is 01:14:02 Yeah. That's really cool. Let's see it hard. That's what I want to see. Oh, now it's it. Oh. I got these thumb bellinas. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:14:13 Yeah. That's what we're talking about. Nice. There's a lot of uncircumcised junks in Texas. There are a lot of. I'm surprised. I got like a real swollen mushroom tip there. Nice. He filled tip there. Nice.

Starting point is 01:14:25 He filled out nicely. He's ready for the ball. There you go. I feel sick. I can't let go of these things. I'm fucking salivating right now. This is awesome. Yeah, you should do this.

Starting point is 01:14:37 Yeah, man. Is this here? Yeah. Can't have a location here. All right. You want to clear your schedule? I mean, I have a pretty busy schedule for the. You want to clear your schedule? I mean, I have a pretty busy schedule

Starting point is 01:14:46 for the next few weeks, but. What's more important than you? Right. Sam. You gotta treat yourself. Wait, there's girth implants. Upsized versus girth implants. Oh, we gotta look at these, Sam.

Starting point is 01:14:56 What the hell? I knew this show was gonna change my life. Upsized procedure is your best option for non-surgical, minimally invasive penis enlargement. I don't think you should say minimal when you're doing tiny dig surgery. I think that's a good point. Minimal to no pain. Okay, do we know what we're...

Starting point is 01:15:15 You can go back to work the same day. Finally, you can do this on a swing shift. Oh, dude. So perfect. How is this supposed to be outrageously expensive? I don't know. Upsized versus girth. I don't know. Up size versus girth. I don't know.

Starting point is 01:15:26 I think poor guys. Oh, filler is safe and smooth. So they're telling you get the filler. That's what they're saying. They're saying filler is safer. I would do filler if I was gonna inject anything. You can, I don't wanna do an implant, man. No, that's dangerous when they start doing surgery.

Starting point is 01:15:41 It's too much power. A filler, your body can absorb. It's no big deal. Five grand? For the sweet new dick. Come on, I got an hour. Let's get out of here. Dermal fillers, yeah, one to 9,000.

Starting point is 01:15:52 This is good. Look what? Look what's the pain, figure out how much it hurts. That's transfer, they can take fat from my body and put it in my nose. Oh yeah. It's got a hurt. A small needle about the same.

Starting point is 01:16:02 I should have been insulin or Botox syringes is injected at the base of the penis. And should have been fencing. The insulin or Botox syringes is injected at the base of the penis. And acts as a nerve block throughout the entire area. Oh, that's cool. So you shouldn't feel pain, but you'll definitely feel that for us pinch. Yeah, I could deal with one pinch.

Starting point is 01:16:14 I've been pinching the whole time we're over here. Yeah. Yeah. Pinch it away. Come on. Okay, oh, hit that drop down. The P shot is a simple yet effective way addressing concerns related to your sexual wellness.

Starting point is 01:16:29 So well, is that a, effect for one to two years. Once they were off, you can easily receive a top off injection. You should get a subscription service. Yeah. Oh yeah. Just every six months they come in, yeah.

Starting point is 01:16:42 Dude, this is amazing. We live in the best time. This is the best time. This is the best time. This is crazy. You can get your boobs done, you get your fucking face done. I could get a boob where my dick is. You could, yeah. Yeah, dude.

Starting point is 01:16:53 This is such a great time to be alive. Yeah. You can get tits on your dick. Yeah. You know, it'd be cool if you could get a pussy and play it right between my wife's boobs. Yeah. Dude.

Starting point is 01:17:02 Yeah, you don't. It's such a good idea. Yeah, thank you. I keep pitching it. Make. Such a good idea. Thank you. I keep pitching it. Make her mouth a butthole and then you're just all done. Yeah. Yeah. I've always thought they put our genitals in a weird place. Yeah. The smelliest part of your body. Wait. Well, okay. Sure. I mean, my vagina. I like his idea of putting my vagina in between my breasts because I would guard this, like I can cover my vagina. But if it's in between my legs,

Starting point is 01:17:28 someone can just come up and kick me. Really short man can pop out of this new grade. I sit down. It's a big huge dick. He's like, I think I'm small, but I have a big big one. I answered the question first. But every time I sit down, my genitals are vulnerable. For you guys running, hunting, this is the most inefficient

Starting point is 01:17:46 place to put genitals. It's animals can just grab it. You kind of go through life going like, it's kind of wild that my genitals have stayed with me. I haven't torn a ball off of it. I know. Yeah. I mean, I think your dick and bowl should be right here.

Starting point is 01:18:00 I have to see you can guard off. Yeah. Or just grow a big beard and cover him up, keep him warm in the winter. Nice. Yes. They're just swinging free. They're swinging you in the corner. Yeah, we're just gonna grow a big beard and cover him up, keep him warm in the winter. Yes, yes. They're just swinging free. They're swinging free in the rain. That's so much of them, just dangling everywhere.

Starting point is 01:18:11 Oh gosh. I mean, I'd like to squeeze a baby out of here instead. They're down there. Oh my god, it would look like alien. Oh, and why is your butthole next year for Jane? It's totally unsanitary. Totally. It's a bad idea.

Starting point is 01:18:22 You get to mix it up every now and then. Yeah, sanitation does not a good idea. Wiping for a woman is a real delicate procedure. It's a whole thing. You got to go front to back. You got to take your fecal matter and what you do is you coat your vagina and it protects it from getting like infection the labial lips. That's right. You want to get it mushed in. You're not woman and you're watching. You always go back to front and you always smear and protect your vaginal. That's what it's just gave me.

Starting point is 01:18:49 With your feces, this is a known thing. But only your own feces. That's right, you know, the alces can get you very sick. Yeah. Well, and we're gonna have to leave with that. I gotta go to the airport. Oh shit, that's right.

Starting point is 01:19:00 Car here. Yeah, we gotta go to Australia. Yeah, our Dixfield, let's go. Sam Talas, new special is out now on Shangulous's YouTube page congratulations on that. Thank you guys Thank you for coming. Thank you for coming. I was glad to be there. Yeah, we'll see you guys soon. We'll see you next time My mommy She made me do copious amounts of cocaine with her. So the point I thought my heart was gonna stop. She told me to calm down, gave me a drink.

Starting point is 01:19:38 I don't know what was in the drink, but I blacked out. When I woke up, she had both my legs over her shoulders, so nobody's paid me to confess this now and I've kept it under wraps for all these years because I knew that no one would believe me. Hillary Clinton, take my asshole Hillary Clinton Make my asshole Hillary Clinton Make my asshole.

Starting point is 01:20:50 Hillary Clinton. Make my asshole. Can Hillary do this? Yeah, of course. You wouldn't mind. Well, what I mind? She's a little bossy. It's fine. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:21:16 Yeah, I'm sure it wouldn't be that fine. But I mean, I would still do this. You know, I think I would just do it for the story. I think Hillary's going to be fine with it for you and her. Do you have any idea of the kind of story that is? Well, I can't believe it story. I think Hills would be fun with it for you and her. Do you have any idea the kind of story that is? Well, I can't believe it happened. I know. I mean, this guy's telling it through his YouTube channel,

Starting point is 01:21:32 but yeah, the mess that happened before she was married to Bill. I don't think that's what he says. But you think this is like, reset? Of course. Wow. Reset hasn't at least been buried in the mountains. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Starting point is 01:21:47 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Hillary Clinton. I'm sorry.

Starting point is 01:21:55 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Hillary Clinton. I'm sorry. Hillary Clinton. I'm sorry. Hillary Clinton.

Starting point is 01:22:04 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Hillary Clinton Take my asshole Hillary Clinton Take my asshole. Hillary Clinton. Take my asshole.

Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Filling All The Holes w/ Sam Tallent | Your Mom's House Ep. 742

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