Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Gallery of BOOBS w/ Chad Daniels | Your Mom's House Ep. 771

Episode Date: August 7, 2024

SPONSORS: -Get $80 off your first month with promo code SPACE80 at https://Talkspace.com/MOM This week on Your Mom's House Podcast, Tina and Tom are transitioning! Tom wants to be smoother and Tina wants to grow a big, meaty, Dwayne Johnson. They share a story about a eye-opening shower they had together recently, before Christina updates the rest of the mommies on the progress she's made treating her tit cancer. Tom opens this show with a really cool guy who's in a committed relationship with his hands and keeps the clips coming as he cheers up Christina with some incredible drops. Christina and Tom welcome comedian Chad Daniels to the Mommy Dome. The trio talk about Chad's new special, enjoying time off, dad stuff, and the anxiety of always waiting for the other shoe to drop. They also discuss Prince, guidance counselors, Tom's new hobby, before Tom introduces Chad to recent favorites Goblin Head and Baby Head. Chad also experiences some Horrible or Hilarious and the TikTok gauntlet known as Christina's Curations! Your Mom’s House Ep. 771 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Mercy is coming to theaters January 23rd. This is the mercy court powered by artificial intelligence. Detective Raven, you're charged with the murder of your wife. I'm not guilty. You have 90 minutes. To prove it. Or you will be executed.

You must use the tools. Every camera and cell phone is at your disposal. To solve the mystery. Can I see my daughter's social? You hear that? Someone was in my basement. Chris Pratt. Maybe she found something she wasn't supposed to.

Rebecca Ferguson. You must move from one piece of the puzzle to the next. I have something there. Oh, my God. Mercy. P.G. 13 may be inappropriate for children under 13. Only in theaters, January 23rd. Welcome.

We're here. We're queer. This is my voice on first day of estrogen. How's everybody doing? I can't wait for you to transition. Yeah, I'm getting there. Yeah. I'm going to transition to after part of my therapy now is going to be to take hormone blockers.

That's awesome. It's awesome. Where am I going to grow a dick? I mean, the more masculine the better. Yeah. Yep. I'm going to try to hold on. I'm not going to cut my hair short.

That's cool. Yeah, I'm having full laser hair removal done. Yeah. So I could be a little more smooth and yeah. Well, I have to say, and I hope you don't mind me sharing with the audience. Yeah. We took a shower together a little while ago. Reluctantly, yes.

Go ahead. Why reluctant? How dare you? Okay. Go ahead. I was washing your little behind. and you spread your cheeks and the amount of hair that's there, it's a problem. It's a lot.

I can't imagine that's pleasant for you. I don't think about it a lot, but when people go, what's taking you so long in the bathroom? The answer is, I'm cleaning a hairy asshole. I mean, imagine if you shit out the top of your head. That's what it is. Wouldn't it take a while? Yeah. And see, here's a deal, man.

is that for years you've said that to me and I just thought you were faking it the way I faked being tired in Italy or the way I need to sleep more fake having period cramps or you know you see that as weakness so I thought you were lying

yeah and you're not but then you shows you how reluctant you are to get in there because you just discovered it this year even though I've been begging you to eat my scrum for Ever. A decade. Not even if the cure for tit cancer was eating your asshole.

The doctor is like, Christina, we know a way. It's eating Tom Shagro's ass. I'd be like, hmm. I'd rather have cancer. I'll try the other way. Give me the cancer. You know what? You deserve it.

Oh, no. No. Here we go. Now, a couple quick things here. Oh, dear you. I'm in the live concert touring business. Oh, yeah. I'm part of the great outdoors comedy festival, and I'm coming to the great country of Canada, as they say, in native populations.

Friday, August 9th, I'll be in Ottawa, Saturday, August 10th, Halifax. Can't wait to come back there. Friday, August 23rd, back to the old USA for Spokane, Washington. And then Saturday, August 24th, Calgary for two shows. Two shows in Calgary. So Ottawa, Halifax, Spokane. and Calgary. And you said them all wrong.

I don't know how Spokane got a date on this if it was all Canadian dates. It's right there. I know, but they snuck in. I mean, it's not. It's the States. That's true. Oh, also, I have an update about my 2025 dates. Agent Jeans is rebooking those.

I will not be able to tour in 2024, so those will be moved to 2025. Just check my website whenever. Great. When I'm slowly easing, I'll slowly ease back. You'll ease back. Maybe you'll wake up from a nap and we'll get back to it. I got so much to talk about, about, should we talk about it now or do you want to wait? Let's wait, let's wait, let's get into this show.

It's very exciting. Here we go. Ready and here. Here we go. I got three girls from my left, my right hand. Your name's our Shirley, Rosie, Pamela. I can use them anytime I want to. Nice.

I love it. He's awesome. He's awesome. He's awesome. You're not going to fucking sad. Stupid. Look. Welcome to your mom's house.

With Tom Segura. Tom Sucura. And Christina Pajit. Yep. Yep. Welcome to your mom's house. Oh, yeah. I love my twin.

It's your twin. That's, yeah. That was a great joke, huh? That was hilarious. I haven't heard that since seventh grade. He shaved for another one. Oh. Guys, this video is for you.

I'm a guy. You know, those cocklings you put around you, you dick and your balls together. Yeah, we got it. You do that every couple hours a day telling you, you will grow. No shit is for sure the truth. Not a joke. Wow. I'm doing it hours, do it for a couple hours a day.

Wouldn't it be crazy if he was the first guy to discover this? Yeah. This has been around forever and then no doctor has ever said this. No company has figured out how to monetize this. It's just this guy, Todd, who was like, guess what? And he's right. And he's right. And he's like a multi-millionaire.

because, well, I guess he can't patent the idea of the cock ring. He looks, I don't know, I like him better with the beard personally. Really? Yeah. I was going to compliment how nice he looks, shaving. I like it with the beard. And you know who he reminds me of is the 10 to 12 Benadryl guy? Oh, same energy.

Yeah, you want your sexual play for 27 hours. Aesthetically, I think he reminds you of the guy sitting across. Yeah, for sure. That's your long-loss brother. It's your twin right there. That could have been you, dude. That could have been you. Take your cock.

You know cock rings? Put them around your dick. Yeah, duh. For a couple hours. And your balls. You forgot your balls. You'll go. No shit.

This is not a joke. That means he's been wreck and rocking one for like a few hours a day. For sure. Well, he's got the time. Let's be real. I mean, I guess technically, if you were wearing one for a few hours, which I'm almost 100% certain is not recommended. You could maybe create some scar tissue that gives the illusion that you're gaining signs.

Yeah, because it cuts circulation, correct? Yeah. It just traps the blood in your dick and balls and probably not go long term. Yeah. Should have to all you new Cochring users. You put it on after you're erect. After your arrest. Oh, is that?

Yeah. Oh, right, to keep the blood. Oh, God, I didn't think about that. The more you know. The more you know, yeah. That's cool. So what you should do is follow kind of both of our instructions. Get a hard on, put on a cock ring, and then use it for a few hours.

Walk around. Take care of your errands. Go to the grocery store. Go to the post office. People are like, wow. That's an impressive. Pretty prominent erection you have. Well, see, and I think, too, it might be that he's looked at his erect penis and

balls for so long that, you know, you think it looks bigger. Yeah, because it's engorged. Yeah. Right? Yeah. It could be more of a psychosomatic or like a psychological edge, which is fine. You know, do some research. Try it.

Try it. It happens. Absolutely. See what happens. Yeah. There's so many cool things I want to play for you. I want it. I want it all.

This lady. I've been wanting to play this late at this clip for so long. So what do you call up? What do you say to somebody that said, oh, that little woman's so nasty? I tell them right back to you. Fuck you, bitch. You, I do what I want to do. 97 and dying. I got a hole in my check. It's going all the way over to the other side.

Yeah. So nasty that, motherfucker. Now, how about that? And if I ever see your man, I'm going to suck his dick. And I'm going to lick the calm out of his... That little wrinkly part at the top. That really tickles me. Oh. Oh, oh, oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, honey. I can't believe you. Maya is appalled. I just want you to know. Well, be a Paul, Dennis, John, James. Who gives a fuck? That's your business.

But I'm not going to lie. I had a wonderful time. Yeah. A gorgeous time. Yeah. Did she's my soulmate? Did you see her feel it? Yeah, she went, ooh.

And then she was like, oh. Yeah. Like, she went right to the place of, like, the feeling. Yeah, I can do that, too. Yeah, I'm sure you can. Especially on your deathbed when you're just remembering all the sweet dongs you had. But look at this part. That's so rad.

This is the best part. She's like that place near the top. It really tickles me. Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's got great teeth. I mean, come.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. best. She's fucking, oh. I love this woman. Ooh, ooh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, honey. Oh, my God. That's who I want to be. See, you know, you've said this before on the show, but why do we always assume that old people are sweet and innocent? And they're not. They're just older versions of the piece of shit you were when you were younger. They just got old. That's it. That's it. And we do this thing. We're like, that person's a sweetheart

and an angel and probably with celibate most of their life because they're old. Meanwhile, she's like, how many... At Medcan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health, from the big milestones to the quiet winds. That's why our annual health assessment offers a physician-led, full-body checkup that provides a clear picture of your health today, and may uncover early signs of conditions like heart disease and cancer. The healthier you means more moments to cherish.

Take control of your well-being and book an assessment today. Medcan, live well for life. Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. Dix, you want me to name that I've stuck, yeah. Because it's nice to have an example of her as an age at a person, because now I'm like, oh, I can still be myself at 97. Sure. You know, that I want to see more old people doing shit like that. People assume the, like, the simplest of the elderly for some, as if they are not people who have gone through life. Right. But some of them, I feel do get more conservative as they age. I think that makes for men, for instance, your testosterone fades and you're not trying to be

reproductive, you know, like men's biology is spread your seed and then it gets to an age where just stops being, I can't wait for that for you. Stop being that drive. Yeah. But that doesn't mean that that old man 40 years prior wasn't a fucking animal. Yeah, or a piece of shit. Remember that neighbor we had? Yeah, of course.

Yeah, you think about him. I think about him all the time. He lived right under us on this driveway. Anyway, we assumed he was like a sweet old guy. Yeah. And he wasn't. And he wasn't. He wasn't.

Remember, like his kids wouldn't visit him? None of them. That's weird. None of the kids want. And I go, none of your kids are visiting? He was like, no. And at first you can go like, oh, what shitty kids? But then you kind of go like, is it shitty kids?

Yeah, because then you grow up and you're like, oh, I have kids now. Yeah. If you're not talking to your parents, there's a really. reason. Most kids want a relationship with their parents. For you to sever that tie, it's something real, you know. He would tell me, too, that he just wants to die. He was going to get, I'm serious. We can say his name now. He's probably long dead. He's definitely dead. What was his name? Monty? No. No. Maybe Marty or something. Marty? Miltie. It was like an M sound, Ernie. He would sit in that hot ass, apartment. Well, that's the thing. So he had an apartment. This is in Los Angeles on Hyperion, going into Atwater Village. And, you know, it gets real, people don't know, I don't know if you know, it gets really hot in Los Angeles for a number of months. Usually cooks up in July,

and then August, September and into October, it's very, very hot. Especially in this, these areas of the city. And, you know, it was fucking hundred. No breeze. I remember just you're not by the ocean. You're inland. Yeah, you're way far inland. Fucking sucks. And I walked by his place and I was like, do you not have, you could see his whole unit because we all had like small places.

Like you don't have a AC unit. Do you want me to go get? I was like, I'll go get you one. Like I will drive to the store by you a Lowe's window unit. He's like, I don't want one. I was like, you don't want one? He was like, no, I don't want that shit. I was like, okay.

And then he would wear a track suit, like a. velour fucking old school track suit and sit in his oven. Yeah. And then somebody would pick him up for dialysis. I would see him like swollen sometimes. And I'd be like, well, you know, I'd say something along the lines of, well, hopefully, you know, something, it gets better from here. And he'd like, hopefully it ends. Hopefully there's no more life to live pretty soon.

And I'm like, okay. But I will say. So we had a really tricky drive. in that place. It was pretty vertical and it was an old Silver Lake shitty place. So it was all crooked and broken. The driveway hadn't been repaved in centuries. And so you had to go up and we all parked at the top of this hill basically. And that guy had his old piece of shit car. Remember what was it? Like a Trans Am or something really old? How the fuck that was? And I would watch that old guy started up in the morning and back out onto Hyperion.

We got old-ass Lincoln. And he could do it. And I was like, you know what, though? He still got the skills. Yeah. Even I struggled. It stopped, though. He stopped driving at a certain point.

Yeah. What a piece of shit. Yeah. Yeah. It sucked. I'm so glad we're not there anymore. Well, yeah. I was going to say that we're not there in life yet.

And I'm like, yeah, not yet. Oh, it's almost there. Speaking of, so I've been having, so just to keep you guys up on my, my titty sitch, I've been having my pre-op appointments, and I went to the plastic surgeon yesterday. It really tickles me. Well, anyway, first of all, there's two sides that there's two things I want to talk about.

Number one, the surgeon told me specifically that I will need to sleep for two weeks. Like, it's doctor mandated that I sleep in order for my body to rebuild and recover. I mean, do you think you can follow the orders or no? You think you have it in you? to resist?

The reason I'm telling it is, like the last episode, if you haven't watched that one, we went to Italy and I sleep a lot and Tom got very upset with me that I would sleep through the night while he was up at 3 a.m. jet lagged. Okay, so what are you planning on here?

Like 20 hours in bed a day or something like that? Something normal? She said to me, she's like, don't be surprised if you sleep like day and night. And I was like, I don't know if my husband will let me. What about you? I mean, that doesn't seem like something you would like to do.

I'm going to be so high too I'm taking so many drugs That's going to be great Are you going to stand over me and seethe Quietly or are you going to be vocal About your disdain for my resting Like are you going to say stuff Are you going to like

Probably both I'll probably just be like Another busy day for you And then I'll just slam the door on the way out Something like that I can't wait for that Good Because you're going to sleep next to me

And I'm like I wonder if he's going to quietly resent my resting, like my recovery. Yeah, probably. Yeah. So what? It's good. That's healthy. So the second part to the story is that, you know, I have to get surgery anyway for other stuff.

So I'm going to get my breasts made smaller. And you have to go look at a gallery of the plastic surgeon's work to see which surgeon you want to go with. And so I was talking to the nurse yesterday for my pre-up appointment. And we got along well. It was like an hour's worth of. information, what I got to do, what I have to prepare, da, da, da, da, da. And then at the very end, because she took a picture of me naked, you know, she saw my state droopers. It's embarrassing.

So I felt vulnerable. I felt like I could jive with her, you know? And I was like, look, I've been looking through them titty galleries. And I've noticed that, like, some of these chicks would get reductions. Like, bro, they're like five foot one, like 200 pounds. And they're like 20 years old. I'm like, what a bunch of chalkers, huh? I'm trying to get her to like fat shame.

Yeah. Yeah. And she goes, well, I mean, some of these women, their breasts are so big that they can't exercise. So we're helping them. Yeah, like, they'll get their breasts on first so they can exercise. Yeah. I'm like. That sounds like somebody's quite the enabler there.

I know. And the other thing is their tits are so big they can't even eat healthy food. Because the tits are in the way of their mouth. I know. What would Kevin Samuel say? Yeah. You're like a dude is too big, get you three piece or six piece. That is absolutely.

She can't even lift the six piece to her mouth. She's so, her tits are so heavy. I mean, fuck right off because I'm like a 34 like E. Yes, I don't run because that shit hurts. But like you can swim. You can lift weights. You can walk. Yeah, of course.

They sell bras. You fucking fat. Look, everyone's been on the side of the porkers mentality. You know, like where you go like, well, I've got, you always have your reason why you can't do it. Yeah. And so that lady's just hurt it. And then she now spouts it for them. Oh, you know, it's just too big for them to do anything.

Everything hurts. And also there's just weak, you know, like if you go, my back hurts today. My knees hurt. And then someone just goes, well, then don't do anything. So you just kind of reinforce this way of thinking. Right. Then you get a little team of people who go, well, that's why you can't do stuff. Well, yeah.

Things hurt. You know what would make it hurt less if you had a reduction. And then maybe that would, you know, Yeah, it's all enabling. Well, I get it. They've got a business. They need to keep people, you know, getting surgeries. But, like, yeah, because for a while, when I was fat after I had our first kid,

like, my knees hurt all the time. And my trainer at one point, my Pilates instructor, she's so sweet. But she's like, do you know why your knees might hurt? And I was like, because I'm a fat piece of shit. Is that what you said? And what did she say? She was like, mm-hmm. And can't do you do somewhere?

And I was like, because she's really nice. girl you know I had that one time with the massage therapist remember when they tell you how fat you are no when I go you know so I noticed that if you go to like whatever 10 different massage therapist that in my experience like 20% will do well here's the thing I didn't know what what it's called something to your neck where they kind of like find this groove and it feels like they're moving like a tendon No, no, but something that feels really good. And usually what happens is you're so lost, your face is in a cradle that later on, when you think of it, it's too late to, like, ask, right? Yeah.

So I'm with this, I don't remember this? This is like in our Woodland Hills house. So I get a massage. Oh, I know who this is. Yeah, yeah. And so she's doing it. And I'm in my head, I'm like, what is this? Yeah.

What is this called? So I massage is done and I go, you know, I got to ask you something about the neck. And she's like, what's that? And I go, I've noticed that not every therapist does it, but you do something with your thumb in this part of the neck that, like, it just feels really good. I'm wondering, is that, like, can I learn the language of what this anatomy is? You know, because I've noticed that not everybody does it. And I was wondering what that's called. and she goes, well, you know, the reason not every therapist probably does it is you have like this fat pocket,

like this deposit of fat around your neck. So not everybody is reaching into there and getting it. And I go, so what's it called? Because that was the question. What's your fat bad? What's the name of that? And she's like, oh, you know, I don't know. Obesity.

But if you were wondering why not everybody does it, it's because you're fat. And I was like, yeah, that wasn't my question. Yeah, that was so good. Thank you. You know, one time, oh, I went to see Dr. Dick, our famous Dr. Dick in your act. Yeah. And we lived in L.A. And it was after I had had my first or second kid, too, so I was real hefty.

And he put me in a gown, a paper gown to examine me. He was fucking brutal. brutal and I was a chunker at the time like I was a porker and I tore the gown like I was so big that it ripped and he you know he was very rail thin and very like pristine yeah you know and he was like I never forget you know you never forget the words he was like whoa you're really busting out of that thing huh and I was like oh see shouldn't this tell you if you're listening or watching because people will play

clips or listen to is that what we're telling you is we're not shitting on you. We're the same as you. That's the whole thing. We're the same as you. And what we don't like, at least I can speak for myself, what I don't like is the enabling soft language of it all. I don't like

being told it's all good. Don't worry. You look great. And don't even think about this. Like that's really what I'm fired up. I think when I talk about these points with you, what I'm really doing is like talking to myself. Do you know what I mean? Like don't allow yourself to think this way. Well, and if I let my big bosoms stop me from exercising, then I too would weigh a lot more. You can't allow limitation.

Everyone's got limitations. I just flogged the shit out of myself a couple weeks ago. And I went to a nutritionist and have been following a meal. Just because I'm like, I can't. I don't want to slide. You got to fight the fight. You always got to fight the fight. I think that's what it is.

And the people that are just like, me boobs are too big to exercise. Like you're not even in the ring, dude. Like you're not fighting the fight. Yeah. Everyone needs to fight the fight. True. Anyway, so yeah, we'll see.

What else you got for me? Oh my God. There's so many. There's so many good ones. I feel like you're very excited. What happens if I don't? Are you going to turn me over your lap and thank me? Are you going to call me?

your dirty little girl. Do I need to call you, Daddy? I'm not following you. Can I tell you something? I've never seen, let's just hold on. In all my TikTok curation days, I've never seen that. That's a rare breed. That's 100% true.

These DMs stay full for this lady. All you have to do as a woman is put out just even a little bit of like, I'm interested. Yeah. It doesn't matter. Nothing else matters. It doesn't matter if you're in shape. Doesn't matter how pretty you are.

If you're like, I'll play the game. These DMs stay full. Well, that's what we learned about only fans. And what's really beautiful about a platform like that is, is that there's something for everybody. And you realize, like, you don't have to be a 10. You can be whatever this brought is and you know what I mean? Five one, 200 pounds with your Tid reduction.

Whatever numbered she is. Yeah. Yeah. But just by just by. Putting it out there. Putting it out there. And what it does is this engages the male fantasy of like, you're interested too, right? Yeah.

I love it. And you want to talk about it on my level. As soon as you do that, guys are like, I mean, I'm telling you, I bet she's just like, all day I just scroll through these messages. She should really be commodifying this. Why? Did you offer to grab me by the waist and pin me against the wall while you run your hand up the inside of my thigh until you reach the sweet promise. land. No, I didn't see that in there. Thanks anyway. I got my hopes up. I hope you have a good day. Bye. And that right there got her like. She needs to have a business. Yeah. She's actually, I think the

who they hide. Remember back before the internet was all about sex, uh, 1-800, sex number 1-900, whatever it is. You'd call. This is who, because she knows how to play. She knows how the man wants to hear things. Yeah. She's no. She's got. talent she's got skills yeah i agree and right there she probably posted that and they were just right way like i'm in your day i'll i'll fucking yeah good for her she does need to she does have to pay her right for sure she can get that paid no she should be doing that yeah that's a that's a skill right there yeah here's another skill oh fuck what is it why would you say that it's puke or like no you're gonna actually like this one you'll like this i promise that of a salesman was like the last

It's been a long three days About a sushi in Japan Just Oh my God Tom Cruise is so weird As if I couldn't love Dustin Hoffman anymore That's fucking amazing I love it

But look how weird Tom Cruise is Like the force At the end Like he's got to really play along He didn't want to play along I bet you I bet you He doesn't react that way for everyone's farts

That was a Duffman, Dustin Hoffman reaction. But if like the PA fire, I don't think he'd be like, that was awesome. Oh, no. Oh, no. Different story. Yeah, no, no. People would be fired because this is probably like the Rain Man junket, I'm guessing. Yeah, I think so too. Rain Man.

And he's like, he's got to play along because Hoffman's higher than him in the hierarchy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is my voice one day on tea. These are fascinating. And this is my voice five months on tea. not singing too much

seah lately if you know what I'm saying and vocal fry why did he it's probably because it's fun to engage it once the pitch is further down so cool you're like oh my god this is like a new instrument

I'm gonna play with it yeah I wish I could take tea would you you can't what you talk about well I can't right now but maybe maybe like I wish I could do fucking sleep more if you take it no but don't you wish I could take tea for a year just to see what happens and then I'd stop taking it.

But I want to know what my voice sounds like on tea. Yeah, you can do that. Dude, you and I would be fighting so much. I would fucking wrestle you and fist fight you and oh my God. Do all kinds of crazy. Ball cupping. Your behavior would change. Nipple sucking.

Wow, he's got no teeth. He's got no teeth. That's cool. He's got no teeth. Got it. Okay, next. I don't understand. Can I be clear here?

Yeah. I don't understand how as a woman you watch that and you seriously don't get turned on at all. Yeah. Okay, thank you. Can we go to the next? How are you not around? Because I'm a human fucking being. I'm a human.

But that's not sexy to you? For real? For real. For real. For real, Tom. Why? Babe. You don't know what he's doing with his tongue?

Babe. I got it. I don't like it. How are you not turned on by that? I don't look at the whole package, babe. He's in like a sad trail. I don't like that he has no teeth. I'm just thinking about his sad life, babe.

Okay. I can't. I don't like him. Please stop showing me things like this. What Jimmy didn't know is that Ralph was sick, a sickness that was not visible like smallpox, but no less dangerous and contagious, a sickness of the mind.

You see, Ralph was a homosexual. Yes. A person who demands an intimate relationship with members of their own sex. Yeah. But by now, Jimmy, Jimmy felt a fondness for Ralph, and they continued to go places together. Ralph was generous and took Jimmy many interesting places and did many nice things for him.

Well, Jimmy's like 15. Yeah. That's so gay. Well, this is like the, in this era, they always align, like, they always align the two. Oh, homosexual with pedophilia. Yeah, it's always like, which is a, it's very nice for the gay people. Yeah, I'd be like, um, I don't want a kid though. Fuck kids.

Well, you know what's interesting because I'm reading that book about that woman that turned into a man and then lived in a man's world for a while and then killed herself. It's just like the gays. Yeah. And one thing I'm learning is that men don't look at each other. Was this book, sorry, produced or released before this person? Yes. So they put the book out and then killed himself? I think so.

I'm not sure. You may want to look at the chronology of said timeline things. But anyway, the point is what this woman noticed when she became. came a man and lived in a man's world is eye contact. So when you walk down the street, men don't make eye contact because it incites a threat of violence. And if they do, they're homosexuals. And if you'll notice in this video, Jimmy was making extreme eye contact.

That is pretty true. That is pretty true. That was homosexual. And I read it. What men do when they walk down the street is like there's different levels of gays. So, um, gays. G-A-Z-E. Yeah.

And gays. G-A-Y-S-S. There's also levels of those cases. But when it comes to your eyes, like as a man, you walk down the street and your eyes can follow your path and you can, you can, you see people from your peripheral, you know, you like that is all normal and scoping out. But people also, we do it in milliseconds. They read that like, oh, this person's looking around or this. But when you are walking and you look at someone, if it isn't like super brief, because you can do like a thing where that person also, they clocked. that you're just

checking out the room. But if you, like, hold a look on another man, if it's like a super agro dude, 100% that guy will be like, react like, why are you making,

you're not supposed to, like, really make eye contact with, like, and, you know, there's different parts of town where I think you would definitely

not do that in, like. Because guys are looking for fights. And they're like, they're biologically, like, designed to, to defend and to,

like to kind of gauge where there are threats. Yes. Well, that's what this woman man wrote is that hierarchy is of utter importance. And like you're, yeah, so maybe that's part of it. It's like this guy's,

yeah, you kind of always who's a threat, who's not. And then that's also a thing. Like you said, if you gauge, like you gaze in someone's eyes and you're just kind of like,

boom, boom. That person's kind of going to be like, what's this person looking at me like that for, you know? And but then if you like hold a look on someone, they're gonna be like, oh, this person's gay. Yeah. Yeah.

That's cool. The same way you would look at a straight man or look at a woman, you know, you just kind of. Yes. And we feel that, yeah, we feel that. You feel the look. Oh, this guy's gonna really assault me. Yeah.

Sometimes those looks are tough. Yeah. That's so funny. Because women look at women all the time and it's not. Yeah, no, men are different with that. Hostel. And we compliment each other. And we bought presents and even gave him money.

But payments were expected and reached. turn. You see, Jimmy hadn't recognized Ralph's approach soon enough. When Ralph first asked Jimmy to go fishing alone, he should have discussed it with his parents or teacher. Ugh. Finally, Jimmy told his parents, and they reported it to the juvenile authorities. Ralph was arrested, and Jimmy was released on probation in the custody of his parents. Probation. I smell what you not smell like at different times of the day.

What did Jimmy do wrong? I don't know. He was a victim. I don't know. Probate. Gay probation? Yep. Stupid. All right. Let's take a quick break and we'll be right back with our guest. And we are back and we are back with our return guest, one of our favorite guests, one of our favorite comedians.

His new special, Empty Nestor, is out now on Netflix. You can get tickets to see him at chaddangels.com. It's Chad Daniels, everybody. Hello. I love you so much. Netflix, dude. That's so cool. Yeah, it's nice to actually be able to, I was saying, put a special out and have a different name of where it's going to be.

It's fucking awesome, man. You deserve it the most. You do. That's nice if you. I don't, you know, deserve my. I think so. You do. Okay, guys, yes.

I deserve it. I mean, finally. You fucking busted your ass. You built a huge fan base just by putting out great stand-up. So I do think it's awesome. Well, that's nice. Thank you. Yeah, that's very cool.

Are you touring right away? Are you touring right now? No, I'm taking off until September 13th. That's nice. Yeah. I'm just going to go to the lakehouse, relax, chill out, let the water bring me back to now. I'm just kidding. I'm just going to fucking relax.

Yeah. Good for you. And in September, will you be building, like working on stuff or you have something else ready to go already? I have 25. Yeah. And so I'm going to take the rest of the summer and guess what? September 13th. Hello, guinea pigs.

Yeah, yeah. I like announcing that. I think it's the most fun when you announce it for those shows. When you go, like, I'm coming. Like, because people that want to see you, obviously, they're buying tickets. There you go, this is like, I'm trying to figure out this next one. I think it becomes like a very fun thing to do together. I think there are a lot of people in the crowd that will go, we are so happy to be here for the genesis of this.

We're going to see the beginning and then later get to see the end when it puts it somewhere. But then there are some stinkers that are like, what the fuck? Yeah. These are new jokes. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Somebody gets them. Yeah, absolutely.

You're the lucky guy. You know the finish joke you liked? That was a new joke once. That's right. Yeah. You know what I found, though, because I work out stuff here in Austin a lot, is that when you try it, and even if it bombs and you just go, oh, sorry, guys, this is how the sausage gets made. And you know, like you write a note down, they love it. Yeah, they just want to be part of it.

They love it. I think real comedy fans want to be part of the whole process. Yes. They do. And then people that are, what do you want to do tonight? Let's try comedy for the first time. Yeah. And then they're like, they're like, oh, they're like.

Like, we paint this much for this. Who it is? No, just go to a place that has it. Yeah. You know how we are offended by a lot of things? Let's give new stand-up comedy a try. Very bright. Very smart move.

How many specials is this now? This is my 10th hour that I've recorded. Wow. Chad, well-deserved, my friend. And you're so funny. That's nice. And, you know, your last appearance on your mom's house stuck with me for so long. What did I do?

We were just like, this guy is mentally ill. There's no question. Yeah. Well, so are we. I mean, join the club. If you spend your winters in northern Minnesota for a long, long time, just because your kids live there and you want them to go to high school where they want to be and you want them to be around family.

Yeah. You go a little fucking mental. Yeah, yeah. So there's different things that we both quote still. One, for me, it's that you cited an example that if you were. to a restaurant and they were like, oh, do you want to try or chicken tequitos? And you're like, well, I did want to, but I'm not going to let you fucking suggest that I try it. So I'm going to come back tomorrow and hope that whoever's working tomorrow doesn't have your script.

You're like, this guy's fucking bananas. You think you're going to manipulate me, bro? But they're not manipulating. No, I understand that. Completely understand that. Yeah, yeah. I mean, my fucking dad was so manipulative. When I fucking smell it, I just go, not today, bitch.

Not today. Yeah, that's very, very funny. But even though, so what's interesting about the example you cited is that that waiter was going to give you the thing you wanted. And even when it's the thing you wanted, you were like, fuck you for even. Right. Most people would go, oh my God, you guessed. I don't even have to think. That's amazing.

I came here for that today. You know me so well. And I'm just like, fucking turn around. Send someone else over here. I'll be here tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a psychopath. So it's your dad because I was like, maybe it's like a,

your mom was overbearing growing up and wouldn't let you decide on things but you're saying it's your dad. But there is that mouse that you liked from that one. Oh my God. So here's a thing. Initially it was you discussing your girlfriend and you having a fight

because she says, what's the phrase? Because I'm bad at phrases. It was, I think, I feel like we should be the get. I know, I remember this to the next level. Don't you?

No, no, she goes, I'm having fun. Are you? having fun. Okay. And that also feels weird to me. And we've discussed this because we did this thing. So her name's Kelsey Cook. She's also a comedian. And we did this thing called Notebook Rebuttal, where we went on stage together. And then she would tell a joke about me. And finally, I got a chance to tell my side of the story. And vice versa. Right. And so we did that. And she told that. She's like, what the fuck? Why? I mean, when I have fun, I don't look.

like it. But on the inside, I'm doing backflips. Yeah. But right? I don't want to show my cards early in a relationship. So I'm like, well, see what happens. Yeah. And she's like, oh, you're having fun. Well, tell your fucking face, man. So I get why she had to ask. I get why she had to ask. What was your rebuttal to that to that one, though? Were you just like that I just keep those emotions inside? I think I yelled, leave me alone my dad left. Something ridiculous. Right. That's my, that's my, that's my, you know how everyone has like, I have ADHD and I have this. My go-to excuse is, hey man, come. on my dad left just to be a fool you know yeah so so initially there was a what was the phrase he used because that we watched the clip it was it's time to take this I think it's time to take this

the next level oh okay so and I know Kelsey I think no it was I we were meant to be I feel like we were meant to be together don't you that's what it was and so so here's a deal man and you were like I don't know I'm going to answer that so so I cited with like Kelsey side of that Like, what the fuck, dude? Like, I'm just trying to clarify where we are. But then we rewatch the footage because we knew you were coming back. And I side with you now. Because I think if it's something as silly as like, hey, that was fun, don't you think?

I think that's innocuous. It's silly. But when it's something major, like a life event, like, hey, we should get married. I think we should get married. Don't you? That's kind of leading. Yeah. And now it forces you to go yes or no.

It's the forcing. The forcing yes or no. answer that bothers you. Well, well, here's the thing. I'm going to let her off the hook because every one of my actions led her to believe my answer would be yes immediately, right? Because it was my answer. Sure, sure. But this is the chicken taquitos thing. Yeah, yeah. Right? It's like, I'll tell you in my time. I take a long fucking time. I'm a slow roller. I like to make sure I like to, you know, cross all my T's, dot all my eyes, make sure everything's going the right way because I don't want it to fall apart. Right? I'm one of those. I'm very protective.

But now, I will tell you, since I've been here, walls are down, feeling good. We bought a house together. You look tan also. You look thinner? Tanner. I don't know if I'm tan. You're not tan? Well, it's summer. I think last time I came here in December. But you haven't been getting extra sun? Uh-uh. Really?

Go to a tanning bed? Let's go outside. Oh, okay. Yeah, I do spray tan quite a bit. Yeah, quite a bit. I just had one on the way over here. Okay, so that's what it is then. Yeah. I take Uber spray tan.

Yeah. Where you can be in the back seat. Pray you down. Now I remember having conversations with you a while back where you're like, how come you're not spray tanning? I remember that now. Because I go, I spray tan. Do you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I was like, wait, don't put me on the spot like that. And I was like, what a fucking psycho. Yeah. Let's have some chicken tequitos relax. But you're, you're feeling good. You're happy. Yeah. You have a good relationship.

Did you hear what he said? They bought a house together. I'm repeating it. Yeah, bought a house. Yeah. My son got married. He's doing great. I thought he was going to live with me for the rest of his life.

Turns out he got. he got this coding degree, has his own business, got married, my daughter's going to be a junior in college, she's going to Costa Rica to study. I mean, it's like, everything I've been waiting for is coming down. Wow. And now I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. You know how that goes.

Got it. This is how this usually, this is what I hear all the time. Oh, yeah, my life is too good. Something bad's going to happen right now. Always, always. But then it does, and then I'm like, oddly relieved. Because I'm like, see, this is the disaster I've been waiting for. Yeah. So when bad things do happen, people are always like, wow, you're surprisingly positive or resilient. I'm like, yeah, because I've been preparing for disaster. Because I thought it was going to happen the whole time. My daughter called me. She goes, hey, I got into this program. I'm going to Costa Rica. I was at the airport. I looked around and I go, you might not want to get on this plane with me. It might fucking hit the ground at 300 miles per hour. Because this is how it works. This is how life goes.

Yeah. But you don't do that. You're not a doomsday. Yeah, but can I tell you what you do instead? Sure. Narrow emotional bandwidth. Does that ring a bell? Yeah, sure it does. It means that he doesn't get too excited or too bummed ever so that he can't get too excited or too bummed ever.

It's always like somewhere. I've worked on it though. Yes, he's there. He has. He has. And do you think, so here's what I think. I think as far as you're willing to go to one side, that is how far you have to go on the other. This is true.

So if you're willing to go like, oh my God, what? We're getting chicken taquitos? This is fucking crazy. Yeah, because people are like this. And then all of a sudden they don't have them and you're like, get the fucking gun from the car. So I understand that because you have to go in the exact amount. I think I did this also.

And everything is related to childhood. It's just a development that you, you know, it's related to the house and the environment you're in. So like my sisters were very extreme. very extreme. Sure. And my dad was pretty non-reactive. So I just was like, I don't want to be extreme.

I don't want to be as non-reactive as he is. So you find this thing that feels like this works for you. Yeah. I mean, the downside is as you get older, you go like, oh, you should, you know. I mean, she's pointed out to me, like, you should get excited. Like, so I've tried to work on it. Yeah, get excited. But the upside.

The upside to it is that I truly don't get too down. about a lot of things, you know, about any bad news. Like, I roll with a lot of stuff. That is, that is nice. So I hate to keep bringing this up. My dad was a liquor salesman, and he won tickets to the Metrodome when the Timberwolves came to town in Minnesota. And so they were playing the Bulls.

And this is back on the- I went to the first game. Jordan was playing. Yeah. Really? I went to the very first game. It was the Bulls at the Timberwolves. Wow.

I was at that game. That's interesting because, well, then I was in the same building, but I'm going to tell you where I was. So he won tickets, court side for being like the whatever, like the leading liquor rep. Yeah. And so I'm telling everybody,

I'm like, oh my God, this is going to be amazing. Yeah. Courtside. Like, you know, fucking holding my parents note up as I'm walking through the hallway.

If you guys can't read court sides, it's right there. And then my dad loses him gambling. And we get there. He doesn't tell anybody. And we're walking up the stairs. And I go, this isn't the way to the court.

And he had to buy last. minute tickets. So the Metrodome has had a roof and our back was like against where the roof started. So we just, we couldn't see what was going on. We'd only cheer when we heard the people lower

cheering. It was like a blind guy getting excited. Did he tell you in this walk what happened to the court side? Or there's no mention of that. No mention of that. We're just walking up. You're like, where's the court side? I'm kind of like looking around and then I remember they said the row because he told my she goes where are we going and he said the row and then the

people that heard started laughing and i went this isn't going to be good and my mom the whole game you could see her shoulders just fuck she's that's how hard she's breathing she's so mad from just huffing it up those stairs no from being so pissed that he lost court side tickets he's like you fucking twat yeah i remember going to that because we had just moved um we moved there at the end of 88 to Minneapolis going into 89 and I feel like this game would have been in like 89 or 90 something like probably 90 yeah and so yeah I went to that game where were your seats they were not court side and they were not at the very back they were like decent they were like decent could you see human beings running yeah you can see basketball being played yes that part was cool those that had have been really good

that was really awesome that was amazing yeah I mean those are like I mean that's burned into my head because it was the bulls yeah it was just like of course idolized yeah Yeah. I mean, I used to walk with my tongue out because of Jordan. Just like, what are you doing? I'm fucking concentrating on my dunk. You don't know. Yeah, same, dude. I had a poster of Jordan in my room and tried to figure out, because I had told so many people I was going to be courtside, tried to figure out how to take a picture of the poster. Like it looked like it was a live action show. That's fine.

Is it awesome or the saddest thing you've ever heard? No, it's kind of sweet. No, I think I did that with Michael Jackson's Thriller album. It's only sad because where you sat. You know what I mean? Like it would have been way cuter if you sat where you were supposed to sit. I tried doing that with Thriller. Like, look, if I could take a picture of Michael,

then I could be like, I have a photograph of Michael Jackson. Yeah. It didn't work. The tiger was the giveaway. Nobody ever believes it. They're like, yeah, I have this poster. Plus, why is this name underneath him? Yeah, I took this.

You're fucking horrible at taking pictures. Yeah, you stupid kid. Although I believe I can take one now after I saw my film development. Oh my gosh, he's a really good photographer of this guy. Oh my God, it's his new dad hobby, which I love because it doesn't require anything dangerous, like helicopter piloting or midlife crisis shit. He bought like an old-timey camera from like 1852 and then he brings it on, no, he brings it on the trips with us. And then he's then going through security is real fun because he's like, it's special. You can't expose the film in the x-ray machine.

I read the film is going to be exposed. Hand check. Yes, what you say. Hand check. And then somebody will come up and be like, what's going on? We'll be like, don't you fucking put this in the machine? Yeah. Stupid.

And then they'll get someone marginally smarter over it. He's saying some stuff I don't get. And then that person will be like, oh, I understand. And then they'll take the camera. Yeah. And then you get the TSA guy that jacks off to Captain America before he goes to work. He's like, oh, we're exposing the film, bitch. This is where they keep the drugs.

Yep, of course. Yeah. Always won. But he's very talented and like it's a talent and I'm really happy that you're in. So what I'm saying is if you take me to a Michael Jackson concert, which is difficult now, I could get that poster for me. Whatever. Thank you. You're welcome.

What do you take pictures of? You know, I do landscape stuff, family. I mean, you know, you just try to find these either moments or settings that you just want. Now, is this what I've seen on your Instagram? No. Okay. This is like a film. So I get it developed.

I don't know. It's just like, it's a fun thing to do. Well, if you ever want to put it on your Instagram, you can try to take a picture of the picture, and I can show you how to do that. You can show me that? Yeah, I've been taking a picture of posters all my life. Really?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'll enjoy that. You know, it was the hardest part for me, taking a picture of the album, was the light, because there would always be a glare on the glossy album. The glare is the gibber way. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So ridiculous. Did you guys ever get to see Prince growing up? I never saw him live. So I actually lived in Minnesota the whole time. I was saying that celebrated him, his home. Yeah.

Somebody asked me if you could see any artist live, who would it be? I said Prince. And like a week later he died. Fuck. Yeah. That was also you. Yeah. Is your fault?

Did you blame yourself? You must have interactions with people that have Prince interactions though, right? Like people from Minnesota? Yeah. So the Dave Chappelle's sketch where people go play hoops with him, I knew a guy or know a guy that did that. So that was a common thing. thing for him, right? Because he really did love And he wanted good basketball players around

because he didn't want, you know, whatever. He played high school basketball. That was the story, right? Didn't he? I don't know if you did. He's so little. He is. He's a photo of him in the uniform. Can you look up Michael, Michael Jackson, Prince playing? He was so little. He was a small man. But very athletic, because with the dancing and all

that shit, he could do. Absolutely. He did the splits. There you go. There you go. That one right there. Oh, yeah. See? I've seen that photo. Yeah, I played high school basketball. at Bryant Jr. High. Oh, that's junior high. And then Minneapolis Central High. Sadly, Central High School was closed down and demolished in 82 shortly after Prince played there in the mid to late 70s. So he had a very successful basketball program for many years. He made the junior varsity team as a freshman. His former teammates spoke very highly of his abilities on the basketball court.

Damn. I mean, I guess, I mean, he definitely loved it, you know. Scroll down. One flaw. Oh, yeah, he's 5-2. That is a very, that's his very, that's his. His flaw. But he had the court, right? Yeah. At his place. What's it called? Paisley Park.

Yeah. He, I do have a connection with him because my high school counselor started there when he went to school. And then had him as like, they'd have to come in and check in. And so I had the same high school counselor as Prince. No way. She told both of us, you ain't going to be shit. Really? Yeah.

Really like that? Well, I mean, not like that. But she tried to get me to not give the, I gave the grader. graduation speech, but I almost got kicked out of school for, I don't know, fucking with a teacher. And then she was like, I don't think we should let him give the speech. And then she said, do you have any suggestions of who should do it? Well, my son could do it.

And they were like, all right, fuck you, lady. We see what's going on here. Yeah, of course. That sounds really good at this. Yeah, what did your high school guidance counselor tell you? I mean, I still remember. So I like this guy. I fucking forget.

He died. But this dude, I remember he had a. 1600 SAT because SAT was the thing at that's a perfect score and he was one of those guys who he was he was very direct which I liked and he was like I remember going in there and you know they thought I was good student early on and then by junior year they were like you need to turn around a couple of these things and then by senior year early senior year you're meeting with those the counselor at our school about like let me what's your plan for applying and this and that.

And I went in there and he was like, he goes, you know, you don't have a lot of options, man. And I was like, yeah, you know, he's like, are you going to play football? And I was like, I don't think so. I don't want to. And he was like, yeah, that's probably something

that would help you. He was like, so. And he doesn't know this. But when he left, he left the room. for like a call or something he left on his desk our class descending order of GPA and I was second to last no do you think you did that on purpose I don't think he did because that's a cool move if he did I know I just was like let him see it for himself that's so passive aggressive yeah I love it I love passive aggressive move yeah and I am only guy fucking lower than me was named Rocky

That's the only guy Like they're like You're smarter than Rocky So like No one's ever met a smart Rocky And he's the one So he was like Where are you going to go

And I remember like I was probably saying schools And he was like Don't say that again Like that's not happening And because I was saying like You know Like schools you know

And he was like Oh no no I think we're going to need you To start using the word Community Community there? Is there a community there? Yeah

And so then he was the one, he goes, I want you to go visit this school in North Carolina. I was like, oh, North Carolina, like Chapel Hill. He was like, no. And he was like, Lenore Rhine. And I go, what's that? He was like, it's like a small liberal arts school, whatever. And I go, he was like, you should check it out.

I think you should check it out. I'm like, okay. So I went on the trip there. I think I went on that trip. Actually, I'd have been the only trip I did with my mom only and then yeah I was like I don't know it's like a quaint small town but I was like this wasn't my idea of college like my idea of college is like Auburn or you know I mean like these big universities of course and I don't know I mean I guess I probably could have applied somewhere like

but I was like no I want to go in like this region anyway I applied to my first choice was Denver University because I loved Denver I'd been to to Colorado. They were like, nah, that's not happening, dude. And then I found out

that my best friend, he was like, where are you applying in school? I go to Denver. He applies and he gets in. And my dad wrote them a letter

behind my back, being like, will you reconsider? Did it work? No, they were like, no. And that's the letter I saw. Stop applying.

Like, we already said no, twice now. And so I went to Lenore Ryan, which is like something I had never heard of. And they were like, yeah, you're not as dumb as everyone because there was a bunch of new here. Rocky goes here. When I was doing my college list, it was what's going to be the least headache when I drop out. Yeah.

And that was a community college in my hometown. Yeah. So I was like, all right, this is going to be. My apartment was shared a parking lot with the bowling alley. and I never went to bowling class. Wow. So it was... Wait, did you graduate from college?

Uh-uh. No, I went two and a half years and don't have enough credits to be a sophomore. What were you... I know. What were you taking in those two and a half years? I was just taking... I took a speech class,

but then I was giving an informative speech and you had to have two... You had to cite two sources. And one of them was just my teacher's notes. So I thought that would be like, the perfect source, because she gave me the notes. And then as soon as I did that, she put her pencil down

and held up the grade and it just said F on it. She had circled it. And I'm like, the fuck, you're not a source? And she goes, you know what I meant. I'm like, well, this school sucks. Yeah, school sucks. And was it comedy right away? No, I bartended.

I mean, I wanted to be a lawyer. I thought it'd be fun to be a lawyer because I saw a few good men. Yeah. And then I saw River runs through it. And I was like, I guess I just want long hair. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.

You know, it is so sad The high school guidance counselors They don't see your, They don't even know you. They don't know your whole picture. It's just like the numbers on a fucking page. Like, what's your GPA? What's your SAT?

Oh, boom, here's your future. And like, I remember they told me And they're like, for career day. They're like, you don't want to do a shadow day with like, and I was like, yeah, I want to like shadow a dentist or a doctor. And they're like, we got you a shadow day at the mall. You get to see how malls work. And just the kiosk.

Not the whole mall. Okay. I don't want to go to the. And I went. It was Topanga Canyon Mall. Like the manager showed us around. I'm like, dude, I've been coming here smoking cigarettes for years. I know where the fuck this is.

I would have rather done that. Yeah. Because I lived in a small town where she did know me and still was like, this isn't going to work. Yeah. Because I'm friends with her son to this day. Oh. Really? I went to a Super Bowl party at his house and we were in high school.

And after I left, they were, after the game, I left. They were playing catch with the football and a lamp broke. And she came home and they were like, well, Chad did it. I was only one gone. Yeah. So forever, she thought I broke this precious fucking lamp. And then they finally told her at his wedding. And she goes, well, I've hated you since that day.

And I'm like, all right. And she goes, but it's awesome to know. And I go, well, we don't, you're not in my life anymore. Yeah, yeah. So I don't, I wish you would have known before. I wish I had the benefit of this when you were hating me more. But imagine if she had like not had that bias. And she could have been like, you know what?

Your grades are good enough to get into like a Lenore Ryan or maybe you like. I don't. It would have mattered. You were just not. I had two teachers, one in high school and one in college, pass me just based on my social skills with them. Do you know what I mean? Like they were like, this is not happening. And then I just would talk to them.

I would like figure out, you know, the guy like boats. I'd be like, yeah, you see this boat, fucking article. And then we just talk about that. And then he'd be like, I'm just going to give you a passing grade. Like he's just like, you're a nice kid. I like you. You know? And yeah, I mean, I would have failed more if it wasn't for those two guys.

Yeah, I dropped so many classes. I mean, I remember my first college, like, student loan check. You were supposed to go right to the office and pay. And I just cashed it and bought a Randall Cunningham jersey and Charles Barkley-Nikis. I was like, I guess I'm in crisscross now. I don't know. I guess that's my destiny. Show you, high school guidance counselor.

But you were so independent. Like, you knew you could do that. Like, I was so afraid of the rules, you know? Oh. Like, that's really cool. My dad showed me the way. Yeah. You knew how to do shit.

Yeah. Are you aware that, I mean, Instagram is in TikTok. They're wonderful places. And then people post wonderful videos. And some of them are into sharing some of the choices you should be making when grocery shopping when it comes to certain foods. Do you know about this? So they'll be like, this is what everyone's buying. So this is somebody who does that.

Okay. Do you know what's your almond milk? This green has canola oil, natural flavors, and fortified with synthetic vitamins. Instead, Trimalt has three ingredients. It's just almonds, water, and sea salt. Okay, so she does videos like that. Then the people write comments, like, they call her that goblin head, big word. And like, in the fashion, they're pretty aggressive, right?

It took me a while to get to the last one. word. Oh, God. I know someone who would hit that. Okay. So this person gets a lot of this. They call her goblin head. That's like the internet has labeled this person.

And she keeps showing up. And it keeps showing up. Every day because that's how much she cares about spreading the correct information about food choices. Yeah. And I got to tell you something, I respect that. Yeah. Because you call me Goblin Head once? Yeah.

Peace. Peace out. I'm not. Okay. So. So. She looks like she's from an English village in the 1300s. Now somebody created a separate account.

Took all of Goblinhead's videos. All of them. Okay. And re-uploads them like this. I don't keep a lotion. To every video. And guess what? Thousands of followers.

Of course. Of just Goblinhead doing this, okay? Are you looking for dairy for yogurt? Sounds like she's allergic to dairy. I know. And then there's also, there's Goblinhead, and then there's also Babyhead. Babyhead's a whole other person.

Reeses' pups, reesstsyspots, throw them out, throw them out, throw them out. It's got sugar, corn syrup, caramel coloring. She's like, don't eat this stuff. And then all her is. just calling her a baby. Someone lost their toddler. And they just, yeah. Look at this shit.

It's like, and then you have people calling me going, you need to post more. Yeah. No, I fucking don't. I know. I mean, bro skipped face day. Okay. Also, back to this one.

Yeah. That's 40,000 likes, bro. Yeah. That's wild. That's incredible, yeah. Read it, Tom. People just listening. It's happening so fast, I can't read it.

So, yeah, it's, it is pretty exciting, though, that there's people. That's cool. I mean, and then people go, can you believe there's suicide? And it's like, I sure fucking can. Yeah. Yeah. That's so insane. These are other ones.

This has nothing to do with those. These are just like, is this horrible or hilarious? Oh, no. The guy filming is the one laughing, by the way. That guy filming and laughed at that guy breaking his fucking leg for sure. You just heard it, right? You heard it. And he's like, yeah, he's like, I fucking told you, dude.

That's why I'm on the ground, bitch. Oh, good Lord. Yeah, you hear that snap. It's pretty gnarly. Oh shit Oh my god Oh fuck Dude why do people still fuck with bulls?

Why do people wear red to a fucking rodeo? She's the one who gets Yeah smash the lady in red I know why it's like no one told you I know women go how do you think I look It's like where are you going the rodeo take that fucking shirt off Dumb Dumb

And you're gonna stand next to the red tarp Get the fuck out of here with this escaped the sisters rodeo in Oregon. All these people were injured, but none of them died. That was terrible. And isn't it like when it escapes? Isn't it something about a song playing about freedom? I think it is.

Yeah. I think the song going over, yeah. I think the song going over the speakers is something about freedom. The bull's like, I could do that. Yeah, look at this shit. Yeah, red shirt, you're right. You know those guys that used to have the sticks and they held two sticks and they'd flip it around? That's what that looked like.

I just noticed this on my 10th time watching this. When this lady lands, there's somebody running this way and you're like, oh, he's going to check on her. And he runs right past her two. Can you play it again? He's like, fuck no. He goes right past here. I need to go check on my red pickup truck. Yeah, he doesn't give it the fuck.

Oh, my God. Have you seen the lady that thinks she's pushing the screen door, but it breaks and she falls through it and falls off her stoop? No. God damn. I probably watched it over 250 times in a row. This was, I don't know if she's trying to do an RDL or what, but she... I think she's trying to grab something under the day.

Yeah, that's amazing. She's like, I'll just... Yeah. She's just trying to grab like everything gave out there. A face mask out of the cover. This is almost the... Her foot slips out of her crock. Yeah.

It's wet. It's wet. It's wet. It's wet. This is a footwear issue. Oh, yeah. That's the only thing here. That's the only issue is the footwear.

That's what starts to the initial. Yeah. Oh, so you were talking about. Yes. Oh, God. I love this. He broke out my wound. Which one?

She just takes a header into the bushes. Dude, it's so great. Are you okay, Valerie? No. Are you able to get up on your own? Yes. Okay. Do you want to get up on me, please?

I will. Just so I know you're okay. I'm okay. I know, but I don't feel comfortable with you laying on the ground right now. I don't want to be, you know. I want to leave that. I'm mad, Nick. Why are you mad?

I don't know if you noticed this has happened, but it's embarrassing. This time, I would suggest opening the door. Yeah, she knows that. I'm 60. I'm 60. Not 30. Okay. Show me that you can stand up.

I will. Valerie. Valerie, can you just go inside, please? Fucking Mallory. I've never even seen this. I've only seen the header. This is great. I don't need nobody.

You just fell through a door. Normal people don't fall through doors. The first time I've seen that my entire 24-year career. See it again? Again, again. I can't see it again. Broke out my wound. What's one?

The screen is trying to save her life, and it just can't. Oh, God. So good. She can't even catch. Like, you know, you've done it, and your reflexes are quick enough to, oh, that's not right. Yeah. She couldn't even get it. Oh, Valerie.

It's her first day out of jail, too. She's going to go right back in. This is great here to this last one I have for you. This is a mom race. Oh, thanks. You know what's great about this? Dad's would have just kept running. Yeah!

She's fucked up, man. She's fucked up. They're like, let's finish. Her ankles broken. Let's try it. On the gym floor. I mean, I'll see. That bitch is running barefoot.

Two bitches are barefoot. Yeah. I mean, her face ate part of that. She's got no teeth. Oh. Oh. Oh. her kid's gonna file for emancipation immediately

like i don't want her to be my fucking mom's name right here they're like oh shit that's fucking terrible i got a little bit of hands down but then hands don't yeah that's bouncing off of her face right there you know she broke teeth yeah she doesn't look like she has warm upper strength upper body strength that's awesome It made me happy. Oh, it's so great.

Yeah. I like Valerie the most, though. I want to watch Valerie over and over again, too. It's like she almost gets it when the screen holds her and then lights out. I'm wondering if you're, are you interested at all going to a men's retreat or like you can really, you know, like kind of be around other men and and kind of share emotion, be vulnerable. No. If you just got to like Like city slickers

Ride horses Go do that kind of stuff I think I'd like to do that a little bit I think I could convince you But if I have to go back And I have to sit around a campfire And be like well you guys This is why I feel this way

I'm in tune to my emotions I go to therapy I do all that shit But I'm just saying I don't need any more friends Yeah That's all No This is what I'm talking about

about to it. You know that with nice? I love that. I wish you guys would do this shit. I do that when Kelsey goes to work. I just scream in my own home. Is that our double soul shaman? Guys, I don't know why you're making fun of these bros.

Like, they're emotionally connected. They're just having a good time. Let it out. Be free. I feel like I am free. I feel like I've done the work. I don't feel like I need to go there and rub a guy's shoulder while he cries. That's just not, like I'm saying.

I've done the stuff. Yeah. I'm doing this stuff. Okay, I just don't need to be a group effort. Okay. Thank you. Thank you for,

let's see why I learn in therapy. Thank you for accepting my answer. Yeah. I mean, it's not the answer we wanted, but we accept. You want me to go to that thing? I'd love for you to go to that.

I don't shower with my shirt off. You think I'm going to take that fucking picture? No, thank you. This is how you're doing. Oh, my God. I hate this kind of stuff. Yes. Oh, yeah, baby.

Did you see the collateral damage? Another one just fell out. He pulled one. Another one was like, I'll go with you. That's like when Kelsey goes, can I get this beard hair? And then she just takes a fucking fistful. You're like, that's a lot of hair. Yeah.

Man. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this one falls right out after it. Yeah, there's that one that goes right next to it. Yeah, yeah. Kind of just, wow, that's so cool. Oh, yeah, baby. Also, there's other ones that are gone,

so he's been doing this a while. There's a bunch of missing ones. It's pretty cool. Hey, we should get Dale drunk again and give him a pliers. Yeah. See what's left. He's got his camo shorts on. You know today's going to be the day.

But when are you, I kind of would want to, to be friends with Dale. I would want to see this live just once. Here's the thing. You always go to Dale's place. Yeah, yeah. You don't want to invite Dale over. Right. That's a big, big difference. Yep, you never want him to know where you live. No, no, Dale, where are you at? You're like, where are you at? Because I'll meet you there. He would be fun to have around, though, when you're all drinking and you're like, hey, Dale, pull out one of your teeth. And he does it. That'll be super fun. Hey, Dale, go try to steal that cop's gun.

That kind of shit. Yeah. Bring your knee brace. And you get all sad. You get all sad the day Dale's all out of teeth. He's like, I did it 20 times for y'all. There's nothing else. And then you go, I'll pay for new fake ones and you can pull each of those out.

That's the day I shake his hand. I just go, this has been great, Dale, but I'm out. That's the end of our relationship. I was here for the teeth. You don't want to see me do my nails? Just starts yelling, I'll tell you where they are. Oh, my God. So empty nester, where did it shoot?

I shot it at the Fitzgerald Theater in St. Paul, Minnesota. Oh, that's great, right? Yeah, I want to do it in the capital of my home state where I lived. And it was really fun. And it's also the people that bought that place own First Ave, which is Princess thing. And I just kind of want to have a purple background. I did want to give a little shout out to the guy. To the guy, yeah.

That's awesome. And so when you do your... September 13th show. Are you going to start in clubs or you go right back to theater? Clubs. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's what I always do. I mean I do clubs. Yeah. So this was like there's, there's a, you know, a dozen cities I do theaters in. But otherwise when I'm out in the main, main America, I'm in clubs. Yeah. Well, I always, I mean, is, I mean, I do it like special comes out. I actually try to start in the smallest club I can find, you know, like make it like a really slow build. Right. I think I don't know. Yeah, I think I'm going to, I don't do a ton of open mics. I've always, because I lived so far away from a major city, I've always just put the new stuff in the middle of the hour. Mm-hmm.

But I think I'm going to actually try to do open mics and stuff like that. Yeah, because I just, I want to make sure it's not the first, first time. Where's the house? You said you bought a house? In Minneapolis. So you're in the city now? Yeah, so I can actually. You can go over to Acme?

Yep. Go to Acme. Go to all of it. Cisophis everywhere. Nice. Comedy Corner Underground. They all have some real good things. Do you keep up with Lewis?

Absolutely. Yeah, he just had surgery. He did? Yeah, but he's on the mend. Everything's fine, but it's been a little bit of a long, I don't know if I should. Oh, then, okay. I'm going to call him after this. Okay, cool.

My Mandarin's fucking terrible, but I'll see if he can get through it. I did, we did, like, I can't remember it was like 30th anniversary or something. Yeah. And I gave this really heartfelt speech about how he, Lewis grew up across a bay of Hong Kong. Yeah. from Hong Kong. And this speech about how he's been kind of like my comedy dad. And even when I have kids, we have kids similar. It's six months on, on both of them, difference. And so I was like, and you know, I asked him for help on that. And I go, he wrote me this amazing letter. And I pulled

it out and I was just like, thing. I mean, it was like the most ridiculous thing. And, you know, some people were mad at me. But it's like, well, I'm like, this is like one of my best friends on planet Earth. So he and I get to do this, whether or not how you're mad at me for because I don't all Chinese people, but I know him and this is just for him. Yeah, of course. That's amazing. No, I linked up with him in Hong Kong this year. We were in Hong Kong together this year.

He was, for people that don't know, Louis Lee is the owner of Acme Comedy Club. And if you check out, I think it's on Amazon Prime, there's a documentary called I Need You to Kill, which features Chad and myself and Pete Lee and Lewis Lee. and it was organized by Lewis Lee. He took us on this tour of Asian 2014, and Jay Elvis Weinstein directed it. But anyway, so I've been working at me a long time. You've obviously been a long time Minnesota resident. And yeah, Lewis, I mean, I talk about Lewis all the time

when I talk about great club owners and people who do it right. And he's just a wonderful guy. But yeah, I mean, I've had so many fun interactions like that. Like when they told me I was working during a blizzard one time, I was like, what the fuck, man? And they made me go, yeah.

Oh, look at those young boys. Look at pork chop over there on the right. But there's, can you guess which one Louis Lee is? But there's a Pete Lee there, so don't let it confuse you. That's right. There is a Pete Lee there. Now everybody knows Pete. Yeah, but Pete and his 49 Tonight Show appearances.

Oh, my, it was like every week. Like, oh, this must be still in my feed from last week. Nope, new one. New one. So Lewis, when we got there, just to let you know, he gives it back, he goes, we're not even doing a documentary. The reason I brought you guys over here is because I want to be able to tell you apart for the first time.

I can't do it in America. There's too many white people around. That's great. Yeah. When I was on the phone in the lobby of the hotel. He just comes up behind my ear and he goes, Hebrough. Yeah, he's classic.

Yeah, yeah. But I got to endlessly mock him for making me work. Because I was like, there's got to be no show tonight. This is like during a legit blizzard in Minnesota. And I don't know what year, right? It's like, I don't know, fucking eight years, ten years ago or whatever. And they were like, no, you're doing it. So I had to hike through the snow.

Like literally, knee-high snow from. that hotel they put you at and I got there and I'm like who's fucking here and they're like seven people and I'm like and we're doing a show for them yes of course it ends up being one of the most fun shows right as people that came out in a blizzard yeah and so but I would go like the next time I worked the club when it was full like on a regular night I was like yeah fucking you know they may come here in a in the blizzard and the owner's like you work for me you come down you do show now and he's in the room yeah of course and you can see him like hitting the table and laughing, but like, yeah, I mean, it is for him.

Yeah, I don't ever do it behind his back. No, I do that too. Right in his face. But yeah, and his face is the best, yeah. Yeah, but yeah, I mean, I got to go out to eat with him in Hong Kong again. It was so fun. That's fantastic. Yeah.

Love the guy. He's the best. He really is. For, okay. You want to introduce him? This is my TikTok section. You remember from last time? So the underrepresented marginal.

I heard you bitch of looking for me. Here you go. Here you go. This guy. This is awesome. We just played this guy. Yeah. See you and I are having what?

Synergy. Synergy. Don't you feel like, because I was trying to get clarity on this. You show this to Kelsey. She's going to be like, it's fucking hot. And that's why I'd never show it to her. Yeah, yeah. I'd rather go sit on this guy's face myself.

Yeah. You got to keep this guy. Of course. She sees this. Now I'm selling a house. Yeah. Hi, my name is Ezra. Hi, my name is Jerpy. My name is Alicia.

And I'm Jeff. We are here from the United States of America. We chose to come here to Afghanistan in May of 2024. And we found Let's Go Afghanistan online. And it has been a great tour. We crossed the border in Tajikistan. Oh, nice. It's cool.

A couple of days in Bahmian. And now a couple of days here in Kauai. And then we will exit through the Pakistan park. Have you heard of fucking London? Can you watch the kids fucking shifty eyes looking around like, okay, who's going to grab me? That's crazy. I would go as to make the, I'm almost certain assumption that all this is done for these types of videos. The parents were like, you know what would be a real fucking highly liked post is if we took the kids to Afghanistan.

I think this is all done just for social media. Oh, I thought you meant it was the government or whatever. They call that in Afghanistan. I think these two are like, what's going to get us a lot of attention? Is it a Taliban promoting? Taliban, I don't think we want vacationers. Don't they run? Don't they run Afghanistan?

Yeah. Who's running Afghanistan? The Taliban, I think their promotional stuff is a lot of machetes. So some of the fun things we did. We did it all as a family, obviously. Maybe you can tell us. What was your favorite thing? The chick-be-suit.

Tell them again. Let's take a piece-su. And what was your favorite thing here? I like the archaeological sites, like the Red City. That's very cool. I think we all enjoyed all of that. We enjoyed the food. We enjoyed the culture.

We enjoyed the history, the archaeology. We enjoyed meeting people. That was probably the best part of the whole trip. And we would encourage you to come to Afghanistan with Let's Go Afghanistan. All right. Let's go. Let's go. See you there, dude.

Yeah. I'll see you there. I love how he says to his daughter. Hey, say it again and read the cue card better. You dumb bitch. Yeah, do it. Do it better. Little girl covered the hair, right?

Because she's old enough. If you're old enough to bleed or old enough to bleed, like, they don't cover girls until they're considered of age to be sexually viable or to be viable, right? I don't think they cover little girls up is what I'm saying in Muslim countries unless it's. I mean, they take this part out if I'm completely wrong. But also, like if they do this. that, then it's advertising readiness. Yeah. I don't care for that. I think that

her wearing, like, even the head covering, I want to say. Oh, God. Okay, never mind, I'm wrong. Girl start wearing his job six or seven to get used to it as part of their deal. Jesus. Never mind. Cut this out. I don't want people to be

like, stupid bitch. I don't fucking know anything about Islam, you stupid. I don't. Is that where people say to you. Stupid dumb bitch. Uneducated American twat.

I do. They really do. That's great. That's a lot of my messages too. Oh my God. I sent to that stuff too. I went to Canada and an MC did that to me. He goes, I said they had a queen

and he came up after the show and after I left stage he goes, stupid fucking American thinks we have a queen and I was like, oh shit. And then I went to the public library, read the treaty. They do have a queen. So when he came up the next night, I licked a $20 bill and stuck it to his forehead and I said, she's on your money.

Oh. What a pile of shit. People get so crazy. That was your MC? Yeah. Jesus. I know. Canada.

They're common. Well, Commonwealth, right? Like, it's a. I didn't read that far. The treaty, but there's a Queens Highway there and everything. So it's like, I've assumed they had one. Yes. All right.

It doesn't really matter if it was a good idea or a bad idea. At the end of the day, I'd take pride in it. It looks. Work on it. Do touch ups. It's a work in progress. It looks good. I still keep going on it.

I ain't gave up. I ain't gave up. For those people just listening, he hasn't given up on his completely black face tattoo. He blacked out his face and I see a star on his neck. And it looks incredibly authentic. Like if you're listening right now, you're basically, imagine your average Senegalese citizen. This guy looks just like it. He looks very authentically black.

Doesn't look like a white guy that fell into an ink tub. He looks like a black man. It looks like, to me it looks a little blue. So to me, I'm seeing Gargamel trying to pretend to be a smurf. Yeah, and I ain't gave up. I ain't gave up. Hey, hey, I ain't gave up. That's a fucking name for a special.

I ain't gave up. And everybody's like, I can't wait to watch the new Cat Williams. Chad Daniels, I ain't gave up. What? Oh shit. No, you're nominated as favorite bottom of the year. What do you think makes you such a good bottom? I think first off, you have to actually enjoy it.

Because I know some bottoms are like, I just do it for the money. But for me, you know, it's an actual passion of mine. And determination to like, I can take both of these people at the same time. So it's more like, could you have the drive and the love to put it in your... Okay, so what's the biggest money you ever took? Um, honestly, it was like 12. So, it's higher the next day. 12 inches.

Yeah. Well, how many minutes do you think? Like 10, 5? No, it was like a four-hour shoot. Wow. Honestly. And also, I mean, that guy's almost skipping over the part where he goes, I could take both of these at the same time.

So one of them was 12. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. He's doing doubles all the time. And I think what went into him getting bottom of the year is that he can wear low-cut a waistband on his jeans and not show his diaper.

Yes. I think that's, like when you can hide your diaper, that goes into it too. Because some people don't know this. There's definitely no consequences to just getting bottomed out all the time. For four hours of 12-inch. Four-hour shoots with 12-inch cocks

will not do anything. And he's little. He's maybe 120 pounds. He's who I would fuck if I were gay. Somebody small. That guy's, when he has to shit, he shits and it hits the ground like that guy parachuting that broke his leg. You can hear it break its own way.

Also, when you get what he gets on a regular basis, I mean, do you think like any normal-sized guy even feels getting in there? I think the anus is resilient. Pretty resilient. Yeah. But it can also... Oh, man. I don't think your butthole would ever loosen up to the point where you're like, are you in?

Do you don't think so? I don't. Google it I'm curious Google it and use your account Chad because Yana I love devil's advocate here

The vagina is a muscle That is meant to expand And then contract However the anus I'm not so sure it's built the same way Well I shit every morning And it always goes back to normal But I'm saying if you were to push something in

That's coming out Push it in and you're fighting the musculature And you're breaking things I don't know I'm not a doctor. But I do know that some of these guys have to wear diapers. That's true. Severe anal stretching can permanently damage the external anal sphincter muscles.

The length of the external anal sphincter can affect muscle strength and repeated stretching, irritation, and spasms can lead to chronic conditions. No, they're just being homophobic. Yeah. That's homophobic. This is propaganda. So it's like an old tube sock on an old man. Yeah.

Just down by his ankles. Just down there, yeah. Now, anyway, well, can we even, are you even going to congratulate him on the other? No, he's adorable. By the way, whoever this guy is, he's adorable. I'm a huge, I'm not seen your work, but adorable. Now, can you, Google, can a Vaj get so stretched out from repeated? No, it's not possible to permanently stretch out of vagina because it's elastic and can return to its original shape after stretching.

I don't know about this. Stop. But I, I, stop, dickhead. Maybe not like, maybe it doesn't. I've had two babies I forgot who we were talking to here This is a Two kids

It feels like it does Stop it Ow Stop Shit bird I don't think it stays at kid level Right You have to get to 10 centimeters

But then I don't Maybe it also doesn't go back to like first time It doesn't go back to No It doesn't go back to what it was It's blown out a little But it's not Blown out

You know what I mean Like it looks like The flower has bloated It's a little motion happened. Sure. Yeah. Feels like the 12-inch guy was here a moment ago. What's going on?

Definitely. I spray it like this. I put a little too much there, but there is no such thing as too much. I do this. Not out of the shower, only on dry hair. I go through my scalp and I just kind of massage my scalp. Nobody thinks about the scalp as skin, but it's skin. Scalp health is the first thing to be considered with regards to the health of the whole hair.

from the root all the way to the tip, the rice powder will absorb the excess moisture. Then sometimes what I do is I just use it because I need it a little body, and then it just kind of lifts, gives me a little root lift. What are you doing? Why is this here? I just feel like it's so gross. I feel like Brooke Shields is gross. And I don't want to see her. We all know how to use dry shampoo.

I don't need to see a model of the past. I know. I don't need to see you like itching and that sound and it's oily and greasy. It just feels gross. Yeah, I don't need to watch anyone showing me how to do anything. Let's figure it out. I can read the fucking directions. Well, she probably got paid a...

I don't know. Did she? I would think so. Yeah, for her to promote this. She's either has an equity share in it or she's... Stupid. Stupid bitch. I fucking know that. Uh-oh.

Get ready for the comments. This fucking dumb American. Oh. Don't you fucking know anything? No way. That was great from beginning to end. You redeem yourself from the Brooke one. That was awesome.

Yeah. Jesus Christ. Oh, too fast. So you know what? She whiskey throttled it, you know. And then she panicked. Yeah. That's like me in a rental car and a brand I've never rented before.

Like how the fuck do I do anything? Well, she should have just like look. You have to look back. That's like role number one of driving, right? Look behind you. I don't know how much flexibility people in those have. Yeah. It wasn't even...

I think you gotta use the mirrors. It wasn't even about what's behind her. It's that she hit what she was going and then she hit it too hard. And instead of like doing what she thought was a break, she gave it more. gas. You know, she throttled it more. So she went really fast out there. We've all done. I've done this. It's a pretty decent parallel parking. Yeah, it's not bad. Equal spaces on both sides. Really good. My husband and I go to Disney World every single day. And the number one question

we get asked is, don't you get bored? The short answer is no. Every day is completely different. We don't rope drop magic kingdom every day. day just to ride Seven Dorf's Mine Train. As locals, we have the opportunity to really switch it up. Some evenings after my husband Wes gets off work, we eat around Epcot. We'll hit up Guardians and then we'll take a short walk over to the boardwalk resort for a little dancing before we head home. Other nights we'll head over to the Polynesian for a drink and then we hop on the boats. And we'll just keep cruising around to different resorts, making stops, grabbing drinks and watching the sunset. But our favorite date night is a short walk from Magic Kingdom over to the contemporary. We'll have dinner at

Steakhouse 71 Lounge, then we'll take our Jack Daniel infused chocolate cake and our curious cold brew to go. We'll head up to the fourth floor and sit and watch the monorail go by while we bask in the AC. If we're feeling a little extra, we'll stay and watch the fireworks, or we'll head to the arcade and play some video games. We are living proof that you can grab hold of your dreams and reach out and find you're happily ever after.

This is the gayest shit I've ever seen, like, on so many levels. Like, first of all, the fact that you spend every fucking day. You go every day, no matter if it's the beginning of the day or the middle of the day, your day is centered around Disney. And then you're going to tie that to your proof that your dreams come true. What the fuck were your dreams? To be a member at a park? To get a year pass. That was your dream?

I'm so fucking mad right now. I can't even respond to this. It's like. It's infuriating. $200 a week for therapy since I got divorced. It was the first time I felt hatred. in a very long time. I can't fucking believe this.

What are you doing? I hope they go to Disneyland Afghanistan and get took. What about let's go Afghanistan? Don't you guys want to check that out? Please check it out. And also, all of their activities are alcohol or food related. And then we got a drink here. And then we get the coffee drink to go.

Like, ew. And then we get the Jack Daniels-infused tank. Then we get more stuff. And then we consume more. more until our fat ass is exclop. But our most favorite date is sitting and looking at a monorail. And then the AC cools us off. Free AC.

Well, maybe you could afford to see if you didn't go to F-C. Yeah, you have AC at home. I don't know. And then the dumb husband playing that game. Did you see it? Yeah. What I do. At first I was like, do they not work?

And then she's like, no, he gets off of work. And then we go. This makes my pussy's so dry. Like to see it. Mine too. Here he is. What a fucking child. Look this fucking guy.

The fireworks. We'll head to the arcade and play some video games. By the way, that's like what a toddler does. Yeah, it's my kids do. Yeah, hey, go play that game. I'll pretend. I'm just like, here's what scares me. My daughter goes to school in Southern California, so I could go to Disney.

Yeah. And I could see them and I can make no promises. Fuck are you guys doing What are you guys doing? No No Cleet Oh,

Oh, what's the guy's shoulder For people listening That's That with her It's so fucking bear It's so big It's another Russian guy with there Russians are just different man

I'm just fucking... Don't take one of the treats yourself, you dumb dick. You realize that all a bear like that has to do is misunderstand your movement? Like, just be like, oh, well, the bear thought, the bear thought you were reaching to pull its ear. So what it does, and when it senses that, is it just tries to disembow you. And you're like, oh, well, just, too bad it thought that. I'm going to puke. You know the...

Oh my God. I want to send this bear to Epcot? Yes. To eat all the Disney adults? The bear thought you were infringing on its territory. So it just doesn't know what to do at that point. Just eats whatever's in front of it. If you throw a treat in that guy's mouth and the bear's like, that's my treat.

That's my treat. And he just eats your face to get to the treat. It's like the juice in a gusher. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and they're like, why did this bear kill this guy? Because he wanted the treat in his mouth. So he ate his face. I mean, I've been on TikTok.

It's too dark to play on the show, but like dog mallings, like people that were like, I just put my face down next to this dog. And normally it's a happy pit bull. And today it just bit my nose and face off. And I've been in reconstructive surgery. And you're like, that's a domesticated dog that can snap on you. Yeah. Scary.

Fucked up. It seems like he's in the woods. This one's just kind of a throwback. I know we got a pretty good Tony John's update last episode, but never forget. That's just him licking the air and showing us how he does it. I got a DUI, baby. That's him. Yeah, but he's doing better now.

He's not drinking anymore. He's not doing drugs, you know? He's not making drugs. Don't do it as bad. He's done with it. So we're excited for him. I really wish you guys have made. these licking the air videos we can there's nothing stopping us we've seen too that we're hot as

fuck yeah i don't see why we don't make a couple more you know i'm into it you're into it yeah you're staying overnight i'm guessing right yeah do one from your room tonight do it a hotel post deal be like to your agents am i posting enough now yeah yeah and then do that and they're like they'll stop asking what do you mean what is this reach between your legs that's what this is you're soaking wet this is how i lick puss excuse me you're in front of of the TV. Could you just scoge a little bit? Thank you. Empty Nestor

is out now. It's Chad Daniels' 10th recorded hour. It's your first Netflix special. Yep. And you're one of the best comedians in the world. So it's awesome that you're doing this. Well, thanks a lot. Chaddangels.com for tickets.

You're back at it September 13th. You're going to sit in a lake. And you're pretty happy about that, aren't you? I am very happy about it. I'm having... Yes. I wish I could make my eyes spin. Yes. Yeah, man, life is good. That's awesome. That's Rod. Just wait for the other shoe to drop. Other shoes going to drop soon. Oh, I know. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I know. Drowning accident in northern Minnesota. Play that on here, would you?

When it comes out? Yeah. The new story about it. We know this guy. He's fucking with a bear. What a dick. I love it. Anyway, thank you for stopping in, man. Thanks for having me. you both you guys I'll be back recently when I became deathly ill I used this remote control to contact my phone's house did you like it then watch another one watch our clips I don't know check it out try it out if you didn't like it look for other stuff maybe in the next video there's people getting hurt the way you like or maybe gay dudes talking about dick stuff I don't know Try it out.

Maybe there's always something for everybody. Just look in these cubes. Squares, whatever.