Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Geoff Tate-265-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: October 31, 2014

Geoff Tate is Late! It's okay. He got here and everything is fine now. Happy HallowJeans, everyone. We hope you're playing it safe and not staying out too late. Also, kids love pennies and bullets so give them away! Tate is LONG overdue in the MOMMY DOME, but thankfully he's here and you're about to get the full scoop on DENIM ON DENIM + HOT DOGS and GATORADE + also CHEERS.  Geoff is a fantastic comic, truly one of the best and he's a breeze to hang with. Always funny and low maintenance. This man is our type of guy. You get the Dental Update, the D**k Detectives and more! Drops galore on this one! Pull those M7Z's up, Jeans!

I'm a mummy. I scare people. Watch what happens when I walk up to somebody. I'm a mummy. I was born 1,959 years ago. My daddy was a mummy too. Watch what happens when I walk up to somebody. I'm a mummy. I don't try to scare people. I really came back to life to buy a copy of Pookie. Are you a mummy? Of course I'm a mummy. Happy Halloween. Hope you're getting ready right now. We were just carving our pumpkin and we heard this song and come on Pandora. If you're a British, then you are a mummy. Mummy. Mummy. The Brits don't celebrate Halloween. This is American. This is American Halloween. So everybody put on your tightest pair of denim and go out and trick or treat the night away. Mummy, I've been carving all day. I'm a mummy. I'm a mummy. That guy goes, are you a mother? Yeah. You mean you're a mother? I'm a beating it. People are afraid of me. Yeah, I'm Pip.

Well mummies, it's hallowed jeans. It's the day before hallowed jeans, but you get it. No, it is hallowed jeans. No, it is hallowed jeans when this drops. Well the reason we were just carving our pumpkin and I forgot that we didn't wish everybody a happy hallowed jeans. If you're in the US, you're celebrating it today. Be safe. Don't eat candy from strangers. Put all the razor blades inside of the apples that you give to children. Yeah, then they cut their lips, right? Then you get to laugh. You know what's really fun too for the kids is you want to take like a tray, put pennies on it and put it in the oven and heat it up. The kids, they run and they want to touch the pennies and they burn their hands. Yeah, I like it. I like it jeans. I'm a mummy. We have a great episode. The great Jeff Tate came in. He showed up late, but it was still great.

He was talking about how horrible traffic was, but we let that slide. You didn't have to hear about it. We had it all fair. But then he came. We had the best time with him. He wore his denim. He wore black denim in honor of Halloween. It was a great time. He's the best. Anyways, that's it. We hope you have a happy hallowed jeans. Enjoy your pagan holiday, guys. Go out and sacrifice some small animals. Get your blood, rub blood on your face and really celebrate a big, big jean style. Oh, and don't forget, starting next week, one episode a week only for the month of November, Wednesdays, but they're going to be action-packed.

Action-packed. Action-packed, we promise. Yeah. Also, this Monday I'm dropping a new That's Deep Bro. Holler at the God. Love you. We're going to have a guest soon. He's on his way. He's already like 45 minutes late.

It's rush hour. Los Angeles rush hour traffic. I know. Let's hope he makes it. We got a roll, though, man. We got stuff to do. It's Friday. Jeans, there's not a lot of episodes left until we get to our podcast tour next week. I know. I can't believe how fast that came, huh? So real quick to remind you, next Thursday we're in Seattle, November 6th at the High Line. The next day, the 7th, we're in Portland at the Analog Cafe. And the next day, November 8th, we're in Chicago, Chicago at the empty bottle.

That's November 8th. So that's exciting and good. The very following week, I do my little dirty south mini tour. November 14th, New Orleans, the House of Blues. We added a second show. There's a 9 p.m. that's sold out. So the 7 p.m., please come, please tell your friends. The next day, Houston, I'm doing the warehouse live.

Please come out. And then Hyena's in Dallas on Sunday the 15th. And the Performing Arts Center, Oklahoma City on Monday the 17th. Hyena's. And then, of course, it all rolls into December. I'm doing, what are those jeans? Oh, I'm doing Phoenix, stand-up live the first weekend, the 4th through the 7th. And Cobb's Comedy Club in San Francisco.

No, it's not. Cobb's Comedy Club in Manfrin, Disco the 18th through the 20th of December. So that's what's up. And then, of course, we do New Year's together in Austin. Cap City. Cap City. I'm excited about that. What about you, Jeans?

It's really nice. Well, first, I'm going to be in Toledo at November 20th through 23rd. And I know I have people understand that when I say it that way, but whatever. Toledo Funny Bone. Get your tickets on my website, christinacom.com. There's a link to the Funny Bone. And then, I go to Fartford, Connecticut. December 10th.

Through. I have to look at our calendar over here. December 13th. December 13th. That's great. It's a Wednesday through Saturday. It's a it's a wonkier week. Um, yeah.

And then we go do New Year's Mommy Rock and Eve. Oh, there you go. New Year's Rock and Eve. I'm day clock. Uh. Uh. How many, how fast do you go to the hell if you make fun of people with strokes? I think it's pretty fast.

Yeah. I think it's pretty fast. It's a direct ticket. Jeans. Uh, also, please remind our listeners, our listeners, our listeners to, uh, visit our site, yourmomshousepodcast.com. Oh, what can you find there? Well, you can find.

Oh my God. Seriously. Uh, you can find our, our gear, the mommy gear. You can get, you know, a bike. You can get all kinds of shirts. Let's get social shirts. We've got. What is there?

There's. 24 seven. 24 seven. But don't tell Theo that you're buying a shirt. Don't write him an email because he'll hit us up for that money. Then there's the, uh, there's, there's in greasy, greasy shirts. It's my favorite one. I hate to say it besides Theo.

The design's amazing. Yeah. Um, so there's all that stuff. And, uh, and of course we have the bonus episodes with, uh, my parents with your dad, all that good stuff. It's all your moms and the clips, the clips from the show. I always ask for it to watch clips. Yup.

There's a clips page. It includes the first episode of how to be a grownup, which premiered on Tuesday and it will be airing, uh, the rest of the episodes will be airing every Tuesday from here on out on true TV Tuesday nights at 9 30 Eastern 6 30 Pacific. So make sure you record how to be a grownup. You can still catch episode one on our site. Anything else? Jeans.

Yeah. Guys, um, for those of you that've already used our Amazon banner to do your Amazon shopping. Thank you so much. And for those of you who don't yet do it, please, please, please, please. I'm begging you. I know it's an extra annoying step when you're going to Amazon to do your shopping. When you're buying your pretzels or your Halloween costumes for your dogs and your cats, you're

like, why should I do this? Just please just help us out. Go to your mom's house podcast.com, click on our little banner at the bottom or just a link now in case you can't see the banner. And every time you shop through our site, it gives us a little kickback and you've no idea how much it helps us. We want to put video cameras in the studio finally. And that is something that your Amazon purchases will definitely help.

Also please check out my little mommy podcast called that's deep bro. I'll be dropping a new episode this coming Monday. It's a philosophy in comedy. Who's this Monday's guest? I haven't decided. Oh, really? I like to go by feeling. All right.

I feel like last week's was the last one was kind of intense and depressing. Oh, okay. So maybe we need somebody a little more uplifting. Okay. A lot of people, people end up crying on that's deep bro. That's the effect you have on people. Great. That's what I feel every time I see you and talk to you.

I just cry hysterically. I told you when I was watching that last night that I would cry. Yeah. The artist lady with you. Yeah. I would be the person crying for sure. Yeah. I would.

You got to do that's deep bro. You're offering me a time slot. Well, I just, you know what you're schedule? You're so busy and you write your agent. Yeah. When are we ever in the same place at the same time? You know what I mean? Yeah.

Whatever. Anyways, that's a lot of announcements. So that is thanks for listening to that. All right. Let's get into this. You ready? Let's do it. Jeans.

Let's go. Well, let's talk about Ranganthor my favorite Gene of all time. And I'm probably not the only one Paul and talking about the original cowboy cut 13 MWZ. You know what MWZ stands for, don't you? What's that? Men's Western zipper. It's revolutionized.

A lot of you men don't remember, but that zipper revolutionized the gene. That's true. This is a big time. Who is Ranganthor? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Don't burn my motherfucking stand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

With Tom Segura, Tom Sutsu. Christina Pajitzen. Christina Pajitzen. Welcome to your mom's house. Christina Pajitzen. Christina Pajitzen. Christina Pajitzen. Christina Pajitzen.

Christina Pajitzen. Christina Pajitzen. Christina Pajitzen. Christina Pajitzen. Welcome to your mom's house. How do you like those jeans? I love it. What's the original Cowboy zipper?

The Men's Western zipper. No, that's what revolutionized it, the MWZ. Right, right. These, before it, who knows what it was before. That's the wrong clip. That's what it was before. You just farted in your jeans and pulled them up. That's how it used to go.

Let's see. Oh, man. Can I tell you what I'm wearing right now? I went to the Gap. That's basically the only shop at Old Navy in the Gap, just normal people clothes. That's their whole campaign now, which I love, is dress normal, because I agree. Anyway, I got these high ass jeans. I'm wearing them.

Look at how fucking high these things are, dude. Up over my belt. Jesus. I really like that. I really like it because it tucks in all your bumpy lumpies. But it feels good. It does feel good. Yeah.

I shut up. It feels like putting your teeth on your lower lip. The jeans. That's true. That's true. And I couldn't tell you how many millions of pairs of Wrangler 13s and 936s that we've sold, let alone every other Western store in the country. It's an icon in the industry, right?

It is an icon, tried and true. I mean, when you build it right the first time, why change? Why change? Hey, Augustus. Oh, he's here. It's the doorbell ringing. Hold on. I'm going to stop it.

All right. We had a quick pause because our guest actually arrived. Perfect timing. And he is now here. And now we can actually have him and announce him. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Jeff Tate. Oh, it's too loud now. Too loud?

Yeah. I didn't know the horns were going to happen. All right. You might remember Jeff Tate. He's famous on the show. Famous. I mean, people ask me about him all the time. If I'll do a club and they'll be like, you know, Jeff Tate was just here and they'll

be like, that's the denim guy, right? And I was like, yeah. And then they're like, is that the guy that only eats hot dogs and Gatorade? And I'll be like, yeah, that's him. So we want to address that for sure, just so you know, I had pulled a clip just for you to open the show. Yeah. And you weren't even here for it.

Oh, no. Well, I hear it. I hear it. Well, I'll play it for you right now. Okay, play it again. This was the opening clip. It was pulled just for you. Well, let's talk about a wrangler.

My favorite gene of all time. And I'm probably not the only one, Paul. We're talking about the original cowboy cut, 13MWZ, you know what MWZ stands for, don't you? What's that? Men's Western Zipper. That's a revolution. That's a revolution.

A lot of you men don't remember, but that zipper revolutionized the gene. That's true. And no one wore jeans before zippers. It was too hard to piss. It was really hard. It was really hard. But now you wear denim on denim because you're a huge fan of your mom's house. Is that accurate?

That's where it all started. Is that what you're saying? Yeah. That's awesome, man. I didn't even know you could. I never heard the phrase. Yeah. I didn't know that you could wear denim on denim.

In fact, before you guys started the show, I was wearing a lot of khaki. Really? Yeah. So was it a khaki jacket and everything? A khaki and khaki and everything, man. Real nerd. I look like a banker. Now, would you?

I had a joke with him when we did Columbus. I said, Hey man, are you going to load in all that gear for the show tonight? And that was my, I said it every day. And then after the show, you're going to load it back in the truck for, you load out all the amps and the guitars. Yeah. Well, he has a different. Now, look today, you've chosen black denim on denim.

You're like the Johnny Cash of denim on denim. It's a lot of, I wear a lot of black now. You do. I've sort of settled into that. What's going on? Emotion. I just feel like it's easier. I don't have to think about it.

The beard is so much easier. People have been complimenting me on my beard. It is junior varsity, my beard. I mean, your beard is a whole other level, man. It's really nice and full. Look at it. Yeah. Yeah.

It's so full. I have a whole, I got a whole thing. And your pins. Now, are those the same pins I saw you wearing at the comedy store? Yeah. Did you transfer them on from another? This is the same jacket. Okay.

I would just, I was probably wearing a sweatshirt underneath the jacket. Okay. So it was, it was dark. Long sleeve. Cause this is not, this is what I call a sleeveless jacket. Yup. It's a vest. Yeah.

I do not like the word vest though. Oh. Wow. Vest is the wrong connotation for what this is. The vest, I picture the buttons, you know, like with a suit and a vest. Oh, that's nerdy. Yeah. Yeah.

Like a 90s R&B band. That's a real NBA post game press conference shit. It totally is. Yeah. The brothers love vests. You know what I mean? Yeah, they love it. So your, what, what bands do we have here?

There's got to be a heartbreakers pin, right? There's a, I think there's three. There's three. There's at least three heartbreakers. Yeah. Three heartbreakers. Now you like white music. How do you feel about Tom Petty and the heartbreakers?

I like the one song Tom Petty did. The one song. I like that song. And when he says, and all the vampires over Mohan move west down Ventura because I grew up and I was a vampire. So I, I like that. Yeah. That song is called free farting.

Really? No, free falling. Yeah. Free farting. Oh, that's a pretty popular song. I thought you're going to give me some more obscure. I like that. I like that one song.

No, no, no. The song, even my parents know. You know what song I like to, it goes, hey, don't come around here no more. The Alice in Wonderland. I like that one a lot. Yeah. That was dope. When he plays that live, it's like my favorite song to see live.

I love psychedelic. I love a lot of things about Jeff, but one of my favorite things about Jeff, no, I love people that really like something and profess their love for it and enjoy it. And he's definitely like that with, he's somebody like, I don't even know that many people really who, who like a band so much that like, no, that like they know, like kind of like their calendar, like where they're going to be and like, I'm going to hit these these concerts this year. Like he's a hardcore fan.

It's not his whole life, but like he's going to hit concerts. Well, you got to, when you, when, like when you have the dumb job we have, yeah, I can't just pick one day and be like, I'm going to go see him then. It's like, you look at it and you're like, when, because like when I say like, I got these five dates picked out, it's in the hopes that I can make it to one of them. I see what you mean. But I'm saying that like you've been a fan and you've been hitting concerts of theirs for years.

Yeah. When they release new stuff, you get it like, yeah, you're a fan. They're a real fan. Wow. The other obsession you have that's could be, you could possibly be taken to a psychiatric world court is your love of cheers. Right. Cheers.

Cheers. Yeah. I freaked out cause I met a guy last night that his friends with George Wint. Really? It is like, oh, he's just like a, he's a stoner and he loves to talk about cheers. And then Ryan was like, he's got a cheers podcast and I was like, so this guy's going to tell George Wint that I got a cheers podcast. Really?

And he said that George is a stoner. That was Norm. Oh, I love Norm. Norm was great. Everybody likes Norm. He's the best. He said that Norm is a stoner. Yeah.

Yeah. He just likes to sit around and tell stories from cheers. Like he just does that anyway. Dude. You lose your mind. I lost my mind hearing this guy say it. This guy knows. So do you have a question about cheers?

Please just have one. Just ask a question about anything. Okay. I do. I do. Diane. Yes. Sam Lone's first squeeze.

Short. What was her occupation prior to being a bartender? She was a teacher's aide at the university. They kept it vague. It's like Rain Man. It really is. I thought she was a performer or like a thespian or something. No, she was kind of all those shithead things.

Yeah. Whenever we'll come up, she was a, when she started working at cheers, she started working at cheers because she got dumped by her fiance who she was a teacher's aide for. Oh, okay. So they break up and she doesn't have a job anymore. Okay. It's like on the road, like I've been with him and I'm like, what are you going to do? I think I'm going to go back to my room.

Yeah. He's like, yeah, I'm just probably going to watch a play of cheers and fall asleep. It's not a joke. That's what he's going to do. You really love it. And is it, what do you like best about cheers? It's funny. They got cool shirts and jackets.

And I don't know. It's easy to not have to think of stuff when I say it's comfortable though, too. It's comfortable. They're all, everybody knows your name and you feel like you're at the bar. Yeah. You do. Sometimes I answer and you know, you know, you're happy to see Clavin happy to see all of them.

Now, do we ever get to meet Norm's wife? No. You never see her Vera. Right? No, no. What comes close is that there's a Thanksgiving episode where they food fight. Okay. I would love pie.

So you don't see it. You see her body. Oh, really? Like she's like walking in, but her face is covered in pie. Cliff Clavin had a wife or was he divorced? I forget. No, neither one. Cliff Clavin is a real nerd.

Okay. He never. He only had sex four times. Okay. So that's what he said. Wow. That's what he says it. And Sam Malone, what was his number on the team that he played on?

16. Okay. The thing that I love. So cool. Is that something covered on the show? No, no. I know that he. That's what I thought he was asking.

There was one time when Diane asked him how many he slept with and he almost says 400, but she freaks out at that. So he backs it down to four, but 400 was also clearly a lie. Oh, right. Now, which, which flame do you prefer Diane or the Kirstie Alley? The Kirstie Alley, Rebecca. I think Diane is a real drag. Okay.

Really? She dated Frasier right before Lilith. She dated Frasier before Lilith dated Frasier. Yes. They almost got married. That was the subplot of season three. Okay. How many seasons were there of Cheers?

11. And how many times have you seen the entire series? Pride. I don't know, eight. I would love to watch, to watch you talk to George Wendt. Like I would, I would pay money to sit there and just watch you talk to him and what I would love to see it. I would love to see the joy.

Oh, really? I think it would be just like the most pure childlike joy for you to talk to. Wait, how fit do you think George Wendt is now? I'm not sure. Physically fit? Yeah. Like I'm sure he's hit the gym a lot since he. Oh, no.

Oh. No, it's he hasn't. Go Google it. It's not good. No, people always like to joke that if Cheers was around now, there's like no way that Norm would be alive. Yeah. But I feel like George Wendt just lived that life.

He's still alive. Okay. So the longest periods of time George Wendt would go without drinking was when they were taping Cheers. Oh, yes. I really like him. I loved Norm. I, I always liked, I like the show.

It's a great show. Who doesn't fucking like Cheers, right? I'm a fan of it. And then I liked it. And then I just really leaned into it and yeah, it's your, it's your jam. I get it. There's shows. This is the thing that I actually like.

This is not hot dogs and Gatorade, which is something I had once in my life. Wait, now let's address hot dogs and Gatorade because my feeling about it is that you are as into hot dogs and Gatorade as you are Cheers. No, that's what, and that's what everyone thinks. Cause thanks to what? Hasn't just, thanks to her. He's like, oh, it's Christina. It hasn't just been guys saying it to you.

People come up to me and say, what are you going to do after the show? Like, I don't know. Probably just go back to the room or whatever. Like, I don't got no, you go eat hot dogs and Gatorade. You're, this is my show. And you feel like saying like guys, you know, I forgot what fruit hat, you know, tasted like. Shout out to all the pair. Eat us.

Yeah. Eat us. Eat us. I like how the English guy can't, he can't even tolerate poor grammar. Shout out to all the pair. Eat us. Yeah. Eat us.

But also there's nothing wrong with hot dogs or Gatorade. Agreed. Those are two delicious things. Two great tastes. They taste great together. I mean, I got nutritious, equally nutritious. The thing that I'm most upset about is that the ones you saw me were from 711. And you ate them a few times.

It was close to where we were and I didn't have a car. That's true. That's true. We also had some stuff cooking that you didn't want though. You wanted your hot dogs, Gatorade. That week you did. Okay. I don't remember that was the stuff you were cooking.

Had onions in it. Of course. Yeah. I'm Hungarian. It was Hungarian. I think I mean Hungarian. Like a stew that was served in a boot. Yes.

Yes. And you were like, I like Gatorade. Yeah. I'd rather have a hot dog and a Gatorade. It seems like a no brainer. That's a thing you can get a value menu meal at 711 now. I feel like you had it multiple times a day. Yeah.

You did. That week. You did. You did. Let's go back to that era. Let's go back to that era. You're on our couch. You're sleeping there.

We're on the east side of town. From what I understand, you were about 80 miles closer to where I live now. Oh, yeah. Than you are right now. Yeah. Oh, that would have taken you 10 minutes to get to. But what are you, are you admiring? Yeah.

Yeah. I just thought you were talking. So I started looking over here. Thank you. I figured you were going to finish what you were doing. It's weird. Well, we're paying the picture of this era. You're recently divorced, right?

Yeah. Or are you going through the divorce kind of thing? I mean, I feel like dealing with the divorce was an on again, off again thing for a little while. I don't remember. Maybe there was a day there where I really, really had to deal with it. Maybe there was other days where I was having more fun. Is it fair to say then that maybe you were eating the hot dogs and Gatorade?

Were you slightly depressed then? You know what I mean? Well, yeah, I'm sure I was. I don't think that it had to do with that. I don't think that. Are you saying that like athletes, when they train, that they don't eat hot dogs and Gatorade to train? That's a good question.

Maybe they're not depressed. Have you seen that commercial with Stephen A. Smith and Richard Sherman where Stephen A. Smith jerking his fucking belly? Yeah. He's like, eat some protein. Have this beef jerky. Yeah. Fucking football player.

Eating beef jerky to train. Yeah. It should be easy. Yeah. So how did you? I remember, because I do remember seeing the sweaty, oily hot dogs on our coffee tables and how did you like to eat them? I'm not sure I remember.

The odds that I made it back to your house with those hot dogs are slim. No, you did. You would have like one on the road. One on the way? One on the way. A walking dog? Yeah. You'd have a walking dog and then you'd have one when you got there and then your Gatorade.

But the red Gatorade, I remember specifically because it left like a red tint around your mouth. It was kind of nice too. It made you like a little, a little cherubic. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Like a baby that can't stop licking his own lips.

But now I look back on it and you're like, you know, that was only that time. It's not what I eat every day all day. Yeah. I've had other things. I don't know if you've had anything else. Have I haven't just eaten hot dogs again, right? For the last four years. That'd be awesome if you did.

But don't you feel like that's a lifestyle that like should be trademarked? Can you trademark lifestyles? I just feel like you should have a website that says... Everyone knows. Everyone knows if you've been a hot dog and Gatorade now, you know that you're copying me. That's what I'm saying. I don't have to trademark it or get a website.

Anybody that eats that knows. They know it's been done before. But don't you think on the website, you should hold up a hot dog and a Gatorade and be like, this is how I'm living. It's your thing now. You know? It's that kind of thing. Are you talking about a meme?

It's your brand. I feel like it should be online. I don't know that that's my brand. I don't think I would... What about for an album cover? What about for an album cover? What about... Oh, that guy said...

Some guy tweeted at us that if I don't name my album Hot Dogs for Life, I'm an asshole. He's right. Those sticks are so... He has a point. Because I don't name an album that I make that takes a whole year for me to make. I know. Yeah. After something that happened once that you just won't stop talking about.

Because it was so... She does love it. Here's why I love it. It was a remarkable thing because it was as if every time we saw you eating, that's what you were eating. It was an isolated... Right. In that era, that weekend...

That time... That it just feels like... Where's Jeff? He's probably eating Hot Dogs and Gator. It's just a reference point for us. And chips too. Did you get a value meal where you got a bag of chips too? Probably did.

You still get two Hot Dogs and two Gator. It's one for in the morning. What is this? A bag of chips. Chips pulling into a bowl. Really? Yeah. You have a potato chip drop?

There's the chip drop and then there's you. Shout out to all the pear eaters. Yeah. Shout out to pears because you eat healthy now. I like pears. Pears are delicious. Yeah, so... You know what I just figured out you could do?

You could slice them up real good and put them on spinach. Yeah. With dried cranberries and a balsamic vinaigrette. So... And then Hot Dogs. And then, yeah, I was going to say, so walk me through your diet today. What did we eat today? Like, what did you have?

You woke up around one, three, and then... What was your day like? No, my friend Andy was staying at my apartment and he had to catch an early flight. So he did that thing where he panicked so he's not going to wake up in time. So I set my alarm for 6.30 also. So I got up at 6.30, then I couldn't go back to sleep for a little while. I'm about to sleep like eight. Woke up like 11.30.

Did he fly out of Burbank? No, he flew out of LAX. Okay. And then I got a turkey sandwich from Subway. That's a good choice. That's a healthy option. Yeah. If you just eat turkey sandwiches from Subway, you lose like 400 pounds.

400 pounds. Yeah. All you have to do is eat hoagies. Yeah. Get better. Claire doesn't like it when Cliffy eats too many hoagies. Claire. And she can't...

Oh, you're doing some huckstable shit. So you're only in the Cheers? You're not into the Cosby's? No, no, no. I don't... None of the people on Cheers have sordid pasts. I'm boycotting the huckstables. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Okay. Why don't we just wrap this up right now? Sorry. It was nice having you, Jeff. Boycotting the... I mean, I think the Cosby's show is one of my favorites from the 80s. Hello.

I get all my news from Hannibal Burris stand-up clips. Oh, that's right. Does he have a Cosby joke? No, he got pressed last week because he did a joke about Cosby. He was in Philly and somebody recorded it and he was like, Cosby's trying to tell black people how to live. He's raped like eight people, so it went like kind of viral and then all the news people took it up.

Wow. Hilarious. He was talking shit about Cosby. I mean, there's a lot of allegations if you Google it. Yeah. It's not great. But we're not talking about Bill Cosby. We're talking about Cliff Huckstable.

Cliff Huckstable, not allowed to eat hoagies. That's true. Did Claire, was Claire unaware that you can lose hundreds of pounds just eating hoagies? No. She was always like, Cliff. Did you see the pants of the Fat Guy pants that the asshole has? You're sodium is so hot. Those are the biggest fucking pants in the world and now he doesn't wear pants like

that. Which guy? The hoagie. Jared. Jared. The subway guy. Yes. Jeb.

He's a buddy of mine. Yeah? Has he been on the program? No. Do you think he's ever had hot dogs at Gatorade? I think he did for a few years and then. And then had to switch to only hoagies so he could get back in shape. Now, how often do you eat?

How often do you eat at Subway? Is that your replacement? No. It's the least often as possible. Yeah. So what will you eat next? What's the next thing you'll probably eat? Tonight?

Yeah. I don't know. I haven't thought that far ahead. I might not. When I eat at all? I have a feeling I'm going to be on the highway for another fucking four hours. Okay. And then I don't know.

I got an early flight in the morning. So where are you going? I'm going back to Cincinnati. You really could just deal with not eating till tomorrow now? Really? Yeah. Jesus. Don't you think that's crazy?

It's absurd. Yeah. It's thoroughly absurd. So you ate like a 12-inch Subway sandwich today and that's it? Oh, no. I had three of them. No. I had one 12-inch turkey sandwich.

And that's it. But you probably ate that like around what? Two or something? One? Yeah. And that's it. That's it for the day. I don't know what's going to happen tonight.

I don't know. What the fuck? Are you going to Fallujah tonight? Like, why is it that crazy? It's like eating is a priority. No, but at some point, at some point, if I don't, like, if I don't get to it right away, like, I'm not hungry now. Right.

So I'm not going to be hungry in an hour. Okay. And so then I'm probably going to drive back to Glendale and then there's, I got shit to do right then. Like, so if I don't eat right then, and if I have, if I'm not hungry yet, then it's going to be eventually where the only thing there is to eat is like Del Taco. Okay. And then I got to get on a flight at six in the morning.

Do it. I feel like dealing. I don't feel like eating Del Taco at fucking midnight and then get you a Uber car at 4.15 in the morning. Where are you flying out of? That was good. LAX. And where are you flying to Cincinnati?

Direct. No, I'm flying to St. Louis because I left my car in St. Louis a couple of weeks ago. And I got to get my car and then drive to Cincinnati. What car did you drive here? I borrowed Ryan's car. All right, man. You got like, I don't have a car in Los Angeles. And I thought you got it brought here a while ago.

I did, but I got tired of having a hand. I took it back to St. Louis. Yeah. Well, I took it. I was right around the mid to mid. I worked in St. I worked in St. Louis twice.

I worked in Appleton. I worked in Bloomington. I worked in Cincinnati. I worked in Nashville. Are you going to work in Cincinnati right now? I'm going to, I'm in Bloomington on Saturday. I got to make a tape. So I'm doing the shows there on Saturday.

Then I'm in Nashville next weekend. Then I'm in, I got two shows around Cincinnati the weekend after that. And then I'm in Pittsburgh. So you're going to be gone for a month? Yeah, yeah. And I need the car for all of those. Are you doing the improv in Pittsburgh? No, I'm doing something.

Something done called latitudes. They fucked me. They didn't even put like the, it's garbage money. And then I was doing it because it was like, I was going to be out there and they were going to put my friend up there. You're making me, you're making me nervous. Just do me a favor. Plug your dates.

Plug your dates coming up. Just tell people where they can see you. No, I don't know. I don't have them. What do you, you were asking me about my car and that's why I have my car. Why was I making you nervous? I just, were you nervous? Yes.

Your life, the way you live your life gives me so much anxiety. Can we start, can we back up to the Del Taco thing? The fact that your brain goes, well, I mean, and then by the time I get hungry, the only thing open is Del Taco. Like, you know what you can do? You can go to grocery store and you can buy things to put in a refrigerator in your kitchen, in your home. I have a real, I have a real garbage living situation.

What? It is, that refrigerator is full. There's two guys that are in that apartment all the time and two guys that aren't. Yeah. And the two guys that are just have it filled with fucking science experiments and shit. Really? Absolutely garbage. Okay.

Here's what I'm saying though. You broke down with me where you're going to be. You said Bloomington, then you have a couple of shows in somewhere and then Cincinnati and then Pittsburgh. So run through what those are. Oh shit. Why is that bad? Why is that crazy?

Well, because I wasn't thinking about them as my dates. I was trying to explain why I leave my car. I understand. But now let's get people to know where you're going to be because normally we do those at the top. You do them at the top. You should do them at the end when people stop listening. That's the best time and then nobody comes to the shows.

I don't want people to come to the shows. That's a lot of pressure. Your life is utter chaos. It's chaos. It gives me anxiety too. Even listening to his living situation. How the car is in another state. Oh my God.

Okay. Go for it. God of an anxiety attack. Oh my God. Saturday. Fuck. Saturday November 1st, Bloomington, Indiana. There you go.

At the Comedy Attic. I got to make a tape so I'm going for it. I'm in the middle. Okay. The 27th, the Thanksgiving, I fucked that up. It's got the dot on my calendar so I thought it was a date. It's fine. The 15th, I'm in Georgetown, Ohio.

Okay. We're at? I don't remember the name of it. There's only one place in Georgetown where anything will happen. Georgetown, Ohio? Jeff Tate's coming. Just go there and you'll see Jeff. The 21st.

Well, it's in Georgetown, Ohio. It's in this old vaudeville theater that's above the fucking police station. That's good. That's better. Yeah. Now you're giving him a description. You describe the place. Okay.

There's a gas station on the other corner where you can get your own hot dogs and Gatorade. And they just come out to the show and bring your own hot dogs and Gatorade. There you go. The November 21st, I'm at the Flat 12 Bear Works in Indianapolis, Indiana. And Tuesday, November 25th, I'm at Woodlands Tavern in Columbus, Ohio. Hey. There you go. Good.

Oh, Woodlands. That's a good one. We've done that one. Yeah, that's fun. That's fun. I like that place a lot. Columbus is awesome. And then also you have, which album has come out?

Would you say your second or third? Second one is out already. It's called? Just Another Clown. Just Another Clown. The first one is I Got Potential. Potential. Just Another Clown.

I got a, I pulled a clip of, so you can, here's a clip of Jeff Tate. Just Another Clown. She ripped my earring out of my ear and had to go to the hospital and have stitches over that. And I asked her that one time. I said, do you ever been hit by a guy? She said, no. I said, well, now you have.

I'm not like these other men. Run over and just push around. I said, I'm myself, but I've got a temper. I can control it. That's good. It's hilarious. What's weird is that's not me. That was a guy hackling me.

Oh, so then it was right next to one of the crowd mics. And he just went for a while. He brought his baby in and that was his heckle. And I thought it was interesting enough to leave it. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. You should, you should buy the album and hear how I respond. Yeah.

That's really good. And then here's a clue from his other album. If you think you're big enough, do it because when you put me down, you better kill me because if you don't, I'm going to kill you. It's really, that's funny. Is the disclaimer at the beginning? That's good. Um, hey, Jeff, so what do you sleep on?

Like, do you have a bed? Under a bridge or? No, it's a real bed. It's under a, it's under a big trouble on little China poster. Is it really? Yeah. That's a great movie. That's the other thing that you love certain genre films.

Action movies. Action movies. You love, and you love like body cop. You love like. Body cops are the best if they, if they seem like they're really friends. Yeah. He has criteria for it and he'll see a lot of movies, man. All kinds of movies.

But me and Tommy walked out of two movies in San Jose because people put in their babies to movies in San Jose. I talk about it on stage now quite a bit. Yeah. I tell that story and I talk about yelling at the people. It's so rude. It's part of, it's part of the general Southern California motif of every type of problem a person can be is happening right near you wherever you are anytime.

It's true. It is very true. It's chaos. Yeah. It's, it's, it's very true. All right. It's time for a little dick detective. Our guest is Jeff, our guest.

Yeah. It's Jeff Tate. And we're just going to guess what your dick looks like and then you tell us who's closer. Really? Yeah. So here we go. I think my prediction is that unlike the rest of you, your dick looks really healthy. Like I think you have, I think you have like a medical book, like a med book dick where

it's like, this is what a dick should look like. Like I feel like, don't tell us. Don't tell us. I got to guess too. Yeah. I think it's, I think it's perfect. Perfectly straight. I think the color is designed like a, has a nice pink, white blend.

There's some veins, but they're not too grody. There's no like extra bumps and it's just, it's the exact like to the measure measurements that the, that the like UR, United States Urology Associates tell you. The USUA. Yeah. I think whatever they tell you, like your dick should be, that's exactly what it is. And I think it looks really healthy and good. Christina, what do you think?

Huh. Actually, I'm going to go opposite on you. I'm going to go for a, like a 7-Eleven hot dog, like it's all kind of chewed on. Gracie and mangled. Mangled. No, I think, I think, um, skin tone is like a grayish pink. Grayish is not good. That's not healthy.

No, no, that's like a medium wealth. Grayish pink. Let me see. Yeah. You're a little squidgy. So you're, um, just it's my own. I feel like squidgy is your word. So you're going to be, I've only been on this fucking hoagie diet for a day.

I think you've got like a big helmet on it. Like it's short. And then there's a big helmet and it's super pink. Yeah. And it's like, it's way bigger than the rest of it. The helmet. Like a mushroom. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a nice helmet. It's a nice hat you got on that tank. But it's short. It's short and girthy. Wait. I'm very uncomfortable. Everybody is.

No, I'm so, I'm so uncomfortable. I'm starting to understand most of Jen Kirkman's tweets. I get it. Stop talking about it. Uh, so can you please see it? No, just tell us like, I want to say that you guys are both, you guys are both kind of right. My dick does look like it does from the medical textbooks and it looks great from one, from

one side. The other side is where it's like, it's cut in half. And you can see how the insides work. And it does have a big helmet on it. Cause I put one of those like you can get a helmet filled with nachos or ice cream or whatever. It's a Dodger game. Yeah.

And I just got, I just left one of those on it. Wow. Cause it's a little sensitive. What would it be? The dick detector. Cut in half so you can see. Oh, the bad connection on that one. I feel like, I feel like we're never going to have closure on it.

You know, the dick detectives. Just, just like law and order, there's never one episode in a row. There's always another one. Right. That's right. Now we're going to talk about your dick, Tommy. I haven't seen enough dicks to know if it's normal or whatever. It's like a regular dick.

Don't you watch adult films on the online? I mean, I can, I can, I can give a lady like 60 yards in one night. That's, that's how I say it. Like if you want to like try to pick up a lady and be like, we're like, not, don't say like, we're going to fuck, but like, I can give you 60 yards. I got six inch dick. So that would be like two is a foot. So six is a yard.

So I'll give us 60 yards before it's all over. It's pretty good. That's a nice line. Has it worked for you yet? It takes too long to explain what it means. Yeah, I was lost. But you'd be intrigued, right? It was like an algebra problem.

Somebody was like, I can give you 60 yards. I have no idea if it's an, I don't know. Leaving the station. Like when do you talk like, what does it look like right now? It's probably, it's probably right now. It's probably at its worst. What color is it? Can you at least confirm or deny the color, the coloration?

It's pink. It's pink. Like the rest. Yeah. It just looks like a dick. Like a white guy's dick. No, they don't all look the same. Some.

Yeah. Some white guys have a tan tent. Yeah. Some white guys. What? Yeah. Some guys. Some guys.

Have a super pale peener and then there's a lot of veins. Yeah. Keep talking. Some peeners are purpley. I think my husband's is very dark in color. No, it's not. It's like brownish black. Yeah.

Yeah. Brownish black. Yeah. Mine's mostly black. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You said James Brown next to my husband's head.

That's the color. I'm black from the waist out. Dude. I'm black from the waist up for sure. What do you call it when the only thing about you that's black is how you wear your baseball hats? Is that from the forehead up? You're black from the forehead up?

I'm black from the forehead up. Everything else, your Jeep Cherokee and your car wash coupons and all that, none of that's black. But my hat. Your straight brimmed hat from a town you've never even been to. That's some black shit. This shit is big time. That's how I do it.

Oh, wow. That's from my own thing. Yeah. So this is more for Jeff. But what you really need to know is you don't even have to go. Yeah, you can save all your dough. Yeah, yeah. Cause you look so good in a dress or in a sexy little dress.

But it's those jeans I can't forget. I know what she and you were mine. When you were mine. When you're already mine. When you're already mine. No, you don't have to try. Yeah. Is this for real?

Yeah. Is there any way you can make my headphones have this play less? But you guys just a little louder. But this is called I love you in those jeans. Is this was did somebody make this song for you? For you. For me? Well, yeah, you're the guest.

You're our special guest. I like it. I do like the song. You don't. And then my feelings are hurt. No, no, no. I couldn't understand. I couldn't tell if it was supposed to be funny or not, but it's a fine song.

It's a really good song. Somebody made me a rap for my podcast. Yeah. It's called one for the road. He made a rap about the last three episodes of the series. Yeah. We'll tell people about the podcast. As if he was saying alone.

So my podcast is about cheers. Okay. And it's called afternoon everybody. And you have guests talk about their cheers. Cheers. Or just about cheers. I don't know. You were on an early one.

Yeah. So I don't really know what happens now. So I was on. I know that I talk about cheers. I sort of take it as a challenge to take whatever is being talked about and make it into cheers. That's pretty good. Yeah. Like the world's worst house guest.

Yeah. That's just all I know. But it's, it's, I don't feel like I'm the world's worst house guest because it's a podcast that is mine. It is yours. I haven't turned any of what you guys have done into cheers yet. I'm being respectful. You're, you are being respectful.

The only person on cheers that lived with their mom was Cliff. My dad is doing this thing now. It's been increasing where everything we talk about, he throws an analogy of comedy into it. Yeah. And I'm like, Jesus. So he'll just be like, I mean, you know, like there was nobody, you know, there's, there's this guy's business is failing.

I mean, that'd be like, you go into a show and there's nobody in the audience. I'll be like, no, I got it without the analogy. And then he'll just be like, I mean, this is like a concept of failing businesses. Yeah. And then he'll be like, yeah, I mean, that's like, you know, like, you know, the guy doesn't write jokes. Like everything we say. And I mean, that's like, if you go to do your one of your shows and then the club does

it. I'm like, you can stop your dad's like, what are those comics with only one punchline structure? Yeah. And he loves it. He loves reminding me of how much, how many, wait, I do want to talk about my dad brings up comedy a lot too, but it's mostly in the, are you still doing that? Doing what?

Comedy. He does. That's how he brings it up. Yeah. Okay. It's like, I can't get over the pictures of you and Christina in this room, the ones you put on those top dog pictures are just ridiculous. They're totally ridiculous.

Yeah. That one over there with you, where you have a face that looks like you had a stroke a moment before you got to the fucking photographer studio. My favorite is people who don't think that that's deliberate. I don't even know how you got your face to do that. It kind of looks like you are you copying another picture? No. Did you see a picture like that?

We should see our cruise photos that we took. The photographers will come around and we take depressing ones or angry ones and then they're like, do you want to smile? We're like, no, just give us the shitty way. Wait, what's the cheers question you had? You said you had a cheers question. I just, I cheers observation rather. I think that, that Lilith Frazier character, you know, I grew up as a little kid watching

cheers and to see her be funny that way, to play it like really straight and deadpan. That's the first time I ever saw somebody do that. I think she's the best one to do that. Lilith is great. Lilith might be my favorite character. Well, cause deadpan is really hard to do. If you're not, you know, it's a deeply sarcastic thing. Like Jean Garofalo does it really well and Marilyn Rice cut my friend and I would say.

But what's great, I've never seen them do, I've never seen them in a situation where they had to do what Lilith does and when Lilith is playing it straight, but she thinks something's hilarious, that reaction is the best. I've never seen anybody else play a deadpan that then thought something was funny. Oh, right. Right. Right. But she's clearly getting, she's, it would break up anyone else, but her little chuckle,

the deadpan version of enjoying something. Yes. God damn, they're so funny. Now, but I don't like Frazier. I didn't like the spinoff show. I think the spinoff show should have been Lilith. Yeah. I think that would have been a much better show.

Yeah, I would watch that. That was, that was his girl. Yeah. Lilith and Frazier were a couple. So she was also super serious. That was the. 其 she was super wowed that. She would just cut down those people in that bar.

So funny. So she kind of hated him. Hershey was the best. Yeah. And we didn't even talk about, which Braxton are you today? Yeah. What. Which Braxton are you today?

What it is? Oh, baby. Yeah. Okay. So, okay, today I am feeling a little sassy. I got a little bit of a little bite in my chomp. You know what I'm saying? So I feel like I'm kind of Tamar today, Christina, which Braxton are you today?

Well, Tom, I feel like I'm on my game today. I'm feeling pretty good about myself. You were really on top of your business earlier today. I did so much shit today. Administrative stuff. I feel like I'm Tony. Wow. I'm a leader and my winner.

Okay, Jeff. Which Braxton are you today? I don't know. I have no one that you are. Well, there's only one. Well, because I didn't do the business. I didn't do the business. I didn't do any business stuff.

I'm not on top of my business. Well, you could be Tracy. You could be Trina. You could be Tawanda. You could be Miss E. Which one is the one that's real fat and is on a hoagie diet? Tracy. I'm Tracy. Will you now sing the Braxton Family Values theme song, please?

No, I don't sing anything. No, just try. We are the Braxton's and you'll see that we are not like an ordinary family. Tony. Tracy. Trina. Tawanda. Tamar.

M.S. E. will teach you a thing or two. Braxton Family Values. Put your finger in your ear like that. Put your finger in your ear like that. Like you even know what that means. Yeah, I know what that means. It means I'm about to get super black.

Is that? I know what he wants to say. It's a television show. I know what, you know, we have to sing for him. Ready? Making your way in the world today. Takes everything you got. Taking a break.

I don't know why I'm worried. Sure would help a lot. Would you like to get away? Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name. Meow, meow, meow, meow. And they're always glad you came. Meow, meow, meow.

You want to go where people know. People are all the same. You want to go where everybody knows your name. Racists and homophobes. There was no black people. There's something unbelievably hilarious about a man in basketball shorts and how she was looking at two computers. Hey, there were no black people at Cheers. How come?

There were, there just weren't a lot of black people in Boston. There were sometimes black people in Cheers. Keenan Ivory Wayans was on the very second episode. He was? Yeah, he was at the beginning. What was he doing? It just ordered some drinks and they got the wrong ones because Diane wasn't a very good server. Oh, interesting.

I like learning all the Cheers insight. David Allen Greer was going to be a black character regular at some point and then it just didn't happen. Tina likes that. I love that. I don't know why it didn't happen. I almost met David Allen Greer this year. He was supposed to do... That'd be a great question for him.

That's what I would ask him. What happened? You could ask him that. She's friends with him. I'm friendly. Are you friendly enough to text him? No. Right now?

No. I don't have his phone number. What about Marlon Wayans? Maybe. Maybe Marlon Wayans. Maybe I know Marlon. You could say, hey Marlon, could you ask Dagg something? Yeah, right.

He was supposed to be a character on Cheers. What happened with that? Keep it 100. Can I tell you the best thing... That's the laser point on both sides, like Spanish? So dumb. Dagg, you know what Dagg said to me? Seriously, the only time we worked together on a TBS show and he said goodbye to me, he

goes, stay black. Send it to me. I'm like, oh, you're the funniest person alive. That's so funny, man. Dagg? He told me to stay black. Of course, it's great. It's hilarious.

It's hilarious. When was the last time you went to the dentist? 2009. Jesus. You really owe us a dental update. This dental update is brought to you by Colgate. It is a dental update though. Yeah.

What do you mean? I brush my teeth two times a day. Floss? No. Never? No, it's gross. I don't like it. It's gross?

Yeah. Not doing it is gross? No, no. Flossing is, it sucks. Yeah. It sucks and it's gross. Why not go again? Why since 2009 have you not been back?

I don't have insurance. Yeah, but a cleaning would, you know, it's not that much. Little check up on there. Take a few. Ding, ding. Yeah, but just not that much. Well, I feel like you could probably get the cleaning done for under $100, like a thorough one, and then you could probably get them to do.

Do you have to ask them for a thorough cleaning, or if you just ask them for a cleaning? Oh, yeah. They won't do it thoroughly. No. You got to specify that. Yeah. Okay. But then the X-rays, you need to know if your teeth ever hurt?

No. Maybe you have a lot of cavities now? No. What do you mean now? Well, like, I haven't been to the doctor since 2009. How many cavities have you ever filled? Ever in my life? Ever.

Yeah. Never? Oh, you might be one of those, like. Even in 2009 is, you guys are just lucky that one of my wisdom teeth broke, and the answer was 2009. Oh, it would have been, how about before then? I don't know. High school?

Wow. Jesus. Wow. Jesus. Jesus Christ. But I didn't have any cavities in 2009 either. How do you feel about, did you have braces? Mm-hmm.

Yes. Okay. So were they all crazy wonky before? Uh-uh. Just a little out of whack. Yeah, they just needed it to be sorted out. You ever do whitening trays or strips? No.

Will you? Sure. Maybe. Will you use Tom's bleaching tray? They're modeled after Tom's teeth, but I feel like we could mash them into your head and make it work. What? Will you use my whitening trays?

I will promise you that when we're done, I will at least show them to me so I know what you're talking about. Okay. Okay. I'm not sure. You know what I'm going to do? Is there anything that you put in your mouth so you don't grind your teeth? No.

But it also makes your teeth whiter? No. I'm going to whiten tonight, though. I haven't done it in a while. Well, yeah. How? You should put it on your dick, too. Apparently, it's real black and brown.

It's got so many spots, though. My dick is so... Yeah, so even it out. Get the whole thing... But there's just... Whiter. How many sores are on your penis? None.

Never had one of them diseases. Do you still have a girlfriend? Yes. Has she seen it? My dick? Yeah. Oh, okay. I mean, I try.

You can only fuck in the total darkness for a while before eventually she ends up seeing your dick somehow. Yeah. I hate that when they... Let me see it. You're like, shut up, stupid. Turn away in the street light, shines in across your dick, ice cream, she's a little nervous.

Yeah. No, no. Don't cover it up. Cover it up. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Is that your girlfriend?

No. That'd be a fun game if you could ever get somebody to have a bunch of sex noises and you got to hang out your girlfriend's sex noises. Is that your girlfriend? Is that your girlfriend? That's horrifying. What? That horrifying noise?

This is your girlfriend. Oh, is she Asian? She sounds Asian. That's not Asian. We were falling. No. She's not Asian. This one's not Asian.

Sounds like she's not happy. That doesn't sound like sex. It's not happy. Doesn't that make you laugh though? Yes. It's upsetting. Okay, Jeff. I don't like it.

Today is Halloween. It's Halloween. It's Halloween. It's Halloween. It's Halloween. It's Halloween. It's Halloween. It's Halloween.

It's Halloween. That's awesome. It's upsetting. Okay. Jeff. I don't like it. It's Halloween. What will you be doing for Halloween?

No! Okay, that's good. I got it. I'm going to probably go... No! My answer does not work with this happening by now. What are you going to do? I'm going to do it.

Okay, Jeff. What are you going to do? I'm going to check your trading with my girlfriends and these enough here. So, if you can take down the girl getting fucked or killed so I can talk about it. My husband thinks it's funny when people get murdered. That is funny. I mean, you don't think that's funny? No.

You lived here in 94. You're telling me in Nicole Brown Simpson that never once was funny. No. He cut her head off and then somehow didn't go to jail? That is fucking hilarious. Maybe because it was on the news too much. The Menendez Brothers? Yeah.

You don't think that's funny? Yeah, it's funny. No. It's totally funny. What about the earthquakes and the riots and stuff back then? What about Reginald Denny? Guys, no. None of it.

Reginald Denny? That's kind of funny. No. What about... Have you seen that comedy called Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer? Yeah, yeah. That's funny. How much did you laugh in that film?

My husband laughed the whole time. It's hard to quantify. I wasn't keeping track, but it's pretty funny. You laughed a lot in that, right? I laughed so hard that I had to look that movie up to make sure it wasn't the same guys that made Super Troopers. It's really funny. It isn't.

These guys just never made another movie, I guess. They hit a grand slam and they're first at bat. They were out with this killer fucking Henry portrait of a serial killer. Do you like horses? Sure. You do? No, I've never ridden one. What do you...

I mean, how do you feel about horses? Like when I see... You see a fucking horse. No, I don't. It's good. Yeah, I don't... Good. We hate horses.

We don't like them either. Fucking hate them. That should just be on movie sets. Yeah, and away from everybody. I don't like horses. I was talking about it. No, we both hate them a lot. I don't like them.

The horse didn't work. I told my friend, and then he called his friend and tried to like... I guess he's trying to get me back, trying to get me a deal for something with a... He left me a message, and here... Here's after I told him I didn't like horses. Oh, now you don't fucking time to talk to me now? Now you don't have fucking time? I'll call you because I got a call from a friend at Netflix, and they went to build

on the recent success you had, and they wanted to put you in the middle of Kentucky on this show. I think it's a great idea for you. It's called the... The dick on that equine is all mine, and it's going to help you get over your fewer horses and all that. And basically what you do is you just suck off Kentucky Derby winning like lineage failing members of these horses.

So you just like suck them off and suck them off, and then they keep everything you suck out so that they can breed more Kentucky Derby winning horses. I think it'll really help you see like the beauty and everything involved in horses and their dicks and the magic they do. I mean, they make them fucking unicorns for a reason, and they're magical. So anyway, I just want to see what you thought of this show idea from my friend at Netflix so they could build on your success and your last special. I don't know if you're interested or not because you changed your different.

You've been totally different to me, but I don't know, let me know if you're interested. I'll tell my friend, it could be some money for you. You could have a job with horses and their dicks, they'd be good for you. They're going to help you grow, and you could help their dicks grow. So what... Are you going to do it? I don't know. It's called the dick on that equine is all mine.

Yeah. I feel like that's not my lane. But I don't know. What do you think? Christina, should I do that show? I like it. I think it kind of conflicts with my premise of dog dick afternoon a little bit. Oh, yeah.

Because she's got dog dick afternoon. It's going to be... That's in development right now. Right now. Have you heard of that? No. That was in deadline Hollywood. Yeah.

So dog dick afternoon, the premise of the show is that it's like a reality show where she's like a dog walker. Like that's the part that's kind of made up because she's not, but she'll go and pick up like 10 dogs and she takes them on a walk and then she'll masturbate the dogs. And then you just, you watch dogs come. That's the whole show? Yeah. And you're going to do that with your mouth on horses.

Well, if I get back to this guy... But do you see the problem is that it's kind of similar to what I'm doing? No, I understand. But Hollywood has been doing this forever. They came out with Dante's Peak and Volcano in the same year, Armageddon and Deep Impact. Now you just got a couple of dicks, like animals getting jacked. That Kevin Jane security guy and then... And the other, the weirder one?

Yeah. Those came out the same year. Wife swap and training spouses. Right. On TV. Yeah. Super Nanny and Nanny 911. And there's, I mean, we can just every year there's an example of this.

You basically let me... But in fairness, you're just jacking dogs off and he is sucking off horses in the country. Yours is a city based show. Yours is a country based show. These are very different things. Yeah. Because he's saying Netflix too. I mean, that might be an on demand thing.

Yeah. It's on Netflix. No one's going to see that. Yeah. Yours is going to be on television. Yeah. Everyone's going to watch you jack dogs off. What network are you going to do that on?

On... What are you going to do? Oh, my... The E-Channel. That has to be DIY. It's a replacement for Chelsea. How is that not DIY? Okay.

Okay. It should be DIY. I agree. You're going to be... You're doing it yourself. With my mouth open. Juice. Juice.

With juice in my mouth. Yeah. Juice? Yeah. Is that what he said? Yeah. It went a little quick for me. I didn't know.

You thought he was saying juice? Sure. Yeah, I did. Juice. Juice. Yeah. Some people do hear that. We're racist people hear that.

Yeah. Oh, God. You don't even want to hear what I think she said. I don't like this. I don't really enjoy this either, Tom. I think it's really funny and really good. I'm going to play it every episode from now on. Is this a Cliff and Claire thing with the hoagies?

It is. It is. Yeah. Tom, I don't want to hear the girl getting raped and crying. She's not getting raped. Don't make it like that. And he's like, it's hilarious. It's comedy.

It's a comedy show, Christine. Well, it is. I mean, it is a comedy show and it is. Everyone has a different comedy subjective. Tom thinks that noise is hilarious. You find it disturbing and frightening. You? Me?

Yeah. Where do you fall in it? I actually land right in the middle. I will not stop laughing, but it'll affect my sleep. It'll affect your sleep a little bit. Yeah, it's very good. I'm playing my bitch nigga. My own damn friends.

Now, you know that guy ain't shit. Sorry, his mother fucker got nothing on me, right? Nothing. They're white folks and then they're ignorant motherfuckers like you. That's president. Was that Obama? President Obama? Yeah.

When he was senator, his book came out and it didn't. No, he did our show and that was from his interview. That's right. That was when he was here. This is before. This is before. He was confused. Yeah.

He did your show? Absolutely. How was that? How did he do it on? Is that Tom Segura or some black guy talking? Did he play that? He did. He won.

Tom or black. I was surprised. Did he just call Tom or black? I guess the name I'm calling is a little wordy. It's Tom or black. Yeah. But like Christina goes, she goes, hey, you need to sit in this chair and then he goes, play my bitch nigga.

Like that. No, he was a little hostile. Wait. I sat in this chair without, I didn't even react when you told me to sit here. But what does that make me? I mean, you ain't my bitch nigga. Yeah. Christina.

Nope. I'm not saying it. You cannot get me to say it. Big words don't come out unless it's supposed to come out. By the way, I have an agenda. Big words. What? Big words don't come out.

The God blesses an N word. God blesses an N word. Yeah. That's the thing. Yeah. Yeah. God is real. God blesses a nigga.

Yeah. Yeah. But that's not the clip. And God blesses a nigga. Babe. God bless a nigga. Yeah. That's what the first one was you.

Yes. And I was just repeating what I had heard on them. I want to clarify. Yeah. Somebody wrote somebody wrote being like a God saying that I don't think that God would bless niggas. And I said, no, it's not that God doesn't bless everyone. He blesses everybody, but he wouldn't say the N word.

God doesn't go. I like God blesses niggas, but he doesn't go and I bless you, you nigga. You know what I'm saying? That is crazy. He doesn't say the end like he doesn't say that word. He would never call people. We don't know. Maybe.

I don't think he does. It's pejorative. Why would God be like shitty like that? Yeah. Like he'd taunt and be like, oh, I know what you're saying. Somebody threw me at me. Is it pejorative? In that context?

For God to say it? In that context? I don't know. For God to say it? It's always pejorative. No matter who this is. Yeah. No matter what God says, it's pejorative.

He seems like a real toes the line, you know? Yeah. So you're saying, but just to be clear, because we got so caught up with the just to be clear, let's say that word again. No, just to be clear, you're saying God bless everyone, but he wouldn't use pejorative words. But what if like, what if like, what if like that guy from what if some what if a black guy sneezed?

What do you think? No, he wouldn't say that. No. Like if, like if James Brown sneezed, what would God say? But you don't just call all black people wrong with you. Yeah. He wouldn't say what's wrong with you. Wrong with y'all.

You niggas are crazy. You say something like that. He would not say that. He would just say God bless you, but he wouldn't specify some awful racist. He wouldn't say just what if a bunch of people sneezed, but he wanted to make sure that he knew that you were saying God bless you to only James Brown. So he would say God bless, but also be like a specifier at the end of it. What would he say then?

James Brown. God bless you niggas. Didn't go by that. Oh, I think maybe he would. I think maybe he would say it like that. Now, what was the last time you read a funeral? What? Uh, it's been within a year.

Whose funeral was it? My grandad's. Did you come? No. Okay, sorry. Sorry. I didn't mean to be disrespectful. Wait, why didn't you though?

That's disrespectful part. He was old and not very good looking anymore. Okay. When you're on your knees at your father's funeral at his casket, and you're saying goodbye to him, and then you have nine orgasms right there, while your whole family is standing behind you. It just makes you never want to have another orgasm as long as you live. I feel like if you ever want to go to a funeral again, you just keep on coming.

Why is it whenever it's somebody like that, because I've, uh, this is making the rounds again. The guy that just can't stop coming, coming. Yeah. And there's like a lady that that happened to yes, yes, these people are always real fucking weird looking people, but the girl was like, I mean, this guy had some frosted tips. So he looks like a guy that's just 20 years behind fashion sense.

You know, this guy, this guy, but the girl was actually pretty attractive. Yeah. 50 orgasms a day girl. I think you're the one who looks a little weird. Yeah. I mean, you look like when you see the girl, your first thought is like, all right, I'll watch Jack off 50 times a day, but she doesn't jack off 50 times a day. I know.

I know. I know. That's what it was. It's like, I just can't stop having orgasms. They're like, stop jacking off your own dick. Oh God. That's him. That's him having orgasm and the girl, let's see, I have the girl.

She has an orgasm. Oh man. Let's see. It's somewhere here. It's her. I don't like it. I don't eat either. It's alarming.

Well, you know, like I had nine orgasms at a funeral. Do you think that, do you think that that's how many he would have in that same amount of time? Or do you think it was higher or lower because of circumstance? You know how when you're in a funeral and something, if something is only kind of, funny, you can't stop laughing. Right. Right.

Right. Do you think that's it? Like, like maybe it was okay. No, maybe it was just a little bit more than maybe it was more than what he would have had in that period of time, but no, it was so browsing and hot. Well, yeah, you just, it was so what's the word where you can't, you just shouldn't do it there. Taboo.

Yeah. Nine is his go to because in the show, he has a, because if it was 10 or more, you'd have to declare it to customs. He has it on the frisbee golf course and right afterward, he's like, I just had nine rather powerful orgasmic sensations full of my entire body. He always goes for the nine. Yeah. Nine's what he does.

Number nine. Well, he's a, so what is he? Does he wear diapers? Oh. I don't know if he comes out. That was the worst of the whole thing. I'd rather hear those people getting murdered than this guy make his cum shiver. Tommy, Tommy, play him the vegan guy.

Oh, if you don't like that, you'll love this. Fee you can vichyne. Oh, sorry. Where is he? Here we go. Warning. This video is not for show. Let's see.

Just see if you like this guy. Yeah. Hello, vegan ladies, John Sikers here. If you've seen some of my videos and you've heard me talk about how much I love vegan vaginas, then chances are you have probably fantasized about me licking your vagina. By all means, if you are a dedicated animal rights activist and vegan, I would love to lick your feet and vagina. But what do you think?

Yeah, it's gross. That guy's disgusting all the way around. You think so? Yeah. Wipe your mouth off. What the fuck is he? Just the words he said are not good. But how is your balls or your penis or your anus or something?

Go ahead. John Sikers. Yeah. He needs some water or something. Do you need? He's so gross. He's got so many messages from people. And I mean a lot.

They were just horrified. It's the grossest thing of all the things he's ever played. They were grossed out the most by John Sikers here. John Sikers. No, you should cut out that guy's cum shiver and just have just that. No, I don't. Does he have to have an erection to have these organs? He has three and four-hour erections, he says in the show.

Oh, so he's the guy? Yeah, he's always hard. That's all those comedians we're talking about. 10 years ago. Really? The four-hour boner. Oh, well, this guy. Oh, right, right, right.

You mean like Viagra jokes. Yeah, I was just making a joke about it. All right. The hacks. Yeah. John, boy. So when he was at the funeral, not only was he jizzing all the time into his own khakis. He was boned up while he was doing that.

Pretty much. So he's just always wearing a backpack on the front. But I don't think that he jizzes all the time. I don't think his body can make that much jizz. I think what it is is just the motions of it. It's a dry. It's true. It's a dry heave.

No. We've got to wrap this up. Jeffrey Tate, thank you for coming here. Thanks for coming. It's my pleasure. Thanks for having me. Sorry. I was late.

It's all right. That's what happens. Los Angeles is the worst. Everyone knows it. Jeans in my cunt. You ready to hear? Oh, I love this song. This is a great tribute song.

Thank you guys for listening. Your mom's house podcast dot com. Please check out Satva mattress. Please shop through our Amazon banner. And don't forget next week, Seattle, Portland and Chicago. All podcasts live. We'll see you there. Thanks for email.

Email me. Jeff to 77 at gmail.com. There you go. Have fun. Oh, my fucking god. Don't wake up, wake up. Oh my fucking god. Don't wake up, wake up.

Don't wake up, wake up. Oh my fucking god. Don't wake up wake up. Don't wake up, wake up. Oh my fucking god. Don't wake up, wake up. Don't wake up, wake up. Don't wake up, wake up.

Oh my fucking god. Don't wake up, wake up. Don't wake up, wake up. It's sexy. Don't wake up, wake up.