Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Gnarly Skate Stories w/ Tony Hawk & Jason Ellis | Your Mom's House Ep. 694

Episode Date: February 8, 2023

SPONSORS:-Go to https://Saatva.com/theshit to get $200 off ANY mattress of your choice.TOM’S COMING EVERYWHERE!! Well, not quite everywhere… This week, Tom reveals where he has come, the Main Mommies debate whether you should sleep with an eye mask, they get an update from Erie weatherman David Wolter, discuss a super cool “Would You Rather” question, and get a final verdict on Burpgate from the expert himself: Dr. Drew.Tony Hawk and Jason Ellis are pro-skateboarders and hosts of the “Hawk vs. Wolf” podcast. They join Tim and Crystal to discuss their worst skateboarding injuries, Tony’s first ever 900, Tom’s surfing skills, terrible tattoos, their craziest sex stories, Ellismania, and they watch some “Horrible or Hilarious” videos.https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinaponline.com/tour-dateshttps://store.ymhstudios.com/https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast

Can I ask you one stupid question? I'd like to ask my guess the dumbest questions possible. Please do. This is so dumb, but I'm going to ask Tony Hawk. Why is it that long and lean skateboarders tend to be great at it? Like, okay, because I've seen, I've seen English Bulldogs skateboard. I mean, you did say at the start that it was going to be a stupid question. It's fucking stupid.

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The setup is super easy and their customer service is truly outstanding. I love this company. Satva.com slash the shit $200 off your next satva purchase. And here we are. Hi, Mommy Jean. Welcome to another episode of your mom's house. Hello, Christine. How's it going?

Hi, Jane. I like your growth right now of your beard. I'm finding it very alluring. Charo didn't think so. Actually, the whole vote was I should go back to stubble. Well, this is what I'm saying. I feel like this is a good level of stubble now. This isn't stubble.

Oh, what? Stubble is like two, three days. Two, oh. Like little dots. Okay. You know. Well, I vote for more than dots. I like this level of beard.

How do you feel? Well, you know, the vote was taken. I lost the vote, so. Okay. By law, I have to. Right. I don't really have a choice. I understand.

You have to stick to the rules. Okay. Whatever, dude. It is what it is. It is what it is. It is how it goes. That's the way the cookie crambles. Yeah.

Yeah. That's the way the cookie rolls. Isn't that what your mom said? Or is that my mom? My mom would say that's the way the cookie rolls. Yeah. That's the way the cookie rolls. That's the way the cookie rolls.

And we would go, that's not the expression actually. No. It's how the cookie crumbles. That's how the cookie rolls. This is how the cookie rolls. Mm-hmm. Yeah. My mom would do the crispy outside.

It's very crispy. It's not an expression at all. Crispy. It's not even. It's crispy outside. It's crisp. Right. Crisp.

And then if I called a woman ugly, I'd be like, I'm not woman's ugly. She's like, it's not ugly. You say she's very homely. She's very homely. And I'm like, who taught you that? I don't remember an American say homely. It's kind of on point with that one. You say she's very homely.

Well, I mean, you can say that. You know, it's a homely look. You can. But do people use that word? Yeah. You don't hear it a lot. You don't hear it a lot. You don't hear it a lot in like conversation.

But it is a proper description. Let the conversation begin. What about handsome? Speaking of, I have a tour that I'd like to plug. The handsome woman tour rages on. I am in Portland, Oregon at Revolution Hall. We have added a show March 31st, Rohnert Park, California, April 1st,

Chicago at the Park West Theater, April 29th, April 30th and milk, milk jockey. Just constant at the Turner Hall. May 13th, Charlestown, West Virginia. I never had no pussy. Christina P online.com for tickets. Thank you everybody. That's part of just my lipstick.

I really do appreciate it. We are figuring out how to get it from Italy even faster. You selling out selling out. I'm on tour. Tour. If you want to check it out, I'll be in Latin America. Wow. I will be in Chile.

I will be in where? I'll be in Lima, Peru, Mexico City. I'm beginning a new residency in Las Vegas at the Chelsea at the Cosmopolitan. That's March 17th and 18th. And then I go to Europa. And I'm starting it all off where your folks are from. Budapest.

And Budapest. And then I go all over Europa. So if you want to come to a show, go to tomscuro.com slash tour. I'm hitting a bunch of spots and that's in April and May. Thanks very much. We got some big ones in Glasgow, London and Dublin and Manchester.

So come on out. Come see a show. What an exciting list of places to go to. It's very exciting. I'm very excited to do the European tour and the Latin American and the Australian New Zealand tour. You really are. International.

Coming everywhere. And I'm going to be completely out of come after May. That's a good question. We've never addressed this. Do you come in every city? I do not. Regrettably, I do not. Sometimes I'll carry come to a whole week or two.

But I think this would be a really neat marketing tool for you. It's not just I'm coming everywhere, but I literally come in every city. I don't know that that would actually move tickets or inspire the audience. Just know that after the show, I'll be coming in your city. I think people really feel a sense of pride.

It would be a fun social media thing to get into. Have you come yet? Where are you coming right now? That's what I'm saying. It engages the fans. Hashtag. Hey, Tom. It's 3 p.m.

Come yet? Question mark. Where did you come in our city? Because I think the answer is always going to be in my room. But I think it might be fun to be like, you know, we have some monuments here. That's what I'm saying. A lot of history.

People really like to know. You're going to Athens. I mean, don't you want to come where all the old ancient Greeks came? You want to come in the cradle of Western civilization. Yeah. And we'll tell you if I came there or not. Your mom's podcast at gmail.com. I mean, just think of how,

do you remember when I was five months pregnant? I had the longest, most powerful part of my life. Where? Cincinnati. Yeah. Room? 808. 808, yeah.

And it became a landmark, that hotel. It became a beacon for people. People traveled pilgrimage to see the room that I farted in, pregnant. That's right. Cincinnati Fart. So you're actually helping these cities. If you announced the room you came in, people would want to see that. Start leaving the room number?

Yeah. Which fancy hotel and then which room number did you come in? I really got to say, it's a new low for the show. Where people are going to take a photo outside a room. Tom came here. Yeah. These are coming everywhere. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, I'm going to come. Yeah. God. God. Do I know how to mark it? Yes. Yes. I hate that one.

That one's too intense. I like RPCs. Yeah. Like his accent. That's pretty cool. All right. Well, let's kick off the show. Let's open it up the right way.

Here we go. Taking control. And then I'm sorry. I feel unsafe for anybody under six feet. And that guy right there is very short. Because the short guys got little man personalities like that. They get offended very easily and they get over aggressive when it's not needed. And that guy is very short.

No, he's not. I don't trust him. I don't trust. No short. No guy on the five five. I'm sorry. Who is Ryan? Don't bring anyone loving to this.

Yeah. Don't burn me in the fucking stand. Yeah. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Christina Pajitzen. Christina Pajitzen. Christina Pajitzen.

Welcome to your mom's house. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. No. No. No. I feel the intensity. I'm going to make you cry.

Yeah, that's a pretty cool clip. It's a guy who is being questioned by police and that's the great thing about modern day technology. Everyone has a camera and he's recording the police as they're recording him and they're asking him, you know, obviously quite, and he's just like, I'm not going to go along with any of this because that officer is short. Yep. Always a good reason to push back on the cops.

You can tell that guy's like, I feel like he really like hit that guy in his soul because that guy's like looking down like, fuck man. I know he got a little man complex and then he's going to shoot me. I feel like he's going to shoot me. I feel like he's going to shoot me just because of his height. Yeah, I'm not. I'm sorry. I don't mean to discriminate.

I'm sorry. But history has shown me every guy your height overdoes it. And I feel like I'm going to get gunned down, sitting in my living room after watching a porno. Oh. I mean, I don't know. That's his experience. That's his experience.

Yeah. The short guys take it out on him. That's what he sees the world. What am I? Who am I? Who am I? Why'd you get jumped by a short guy? See, that's still a grassy mess I was talking about.

I would talk to y'all, but I'm not. Oh yes, I would talk to y'all. But this guy, I don't trust him. I know you got an edge. They're fine. We're all fine. See, that's what I mean. He's aggressive already.

He's aggressive. He's a fan. I know what I said was offensive, but he knows it's true. Because it's the truth. I'm sorry. It's the goddamn truth. Wow. I wish this video just fucking never ended.

I wish we could see so much more where the questioning went. It's the truth. It's like every guy on the show 5-5 has a complex towards me and they're aggressive towards me because I'm big. I'm a big sensitive guy. You can feel that, but that's true. And I'm not ashamed to say that. It's your right to feel that way.

And I feel like these shorter persons are... You see how she was aggressive with me? My whole life, that stranger, that's a cousin as my mother. I wonder what the call was. He made reference to a porno. I wonder if they were like, there's a loud porn playing. I mean, he doesn't even have his TV set up. It looks like he just moved in there.

And he's also just chilling in his own living room. Like, what could they possibly be in there? Three officers? I don't know. He doesn't seem aggressive. I know. He's got his shoes off by the door. He's pretty conscientious.

He is making it like... He's making an effort to be like, there's nothing going on here. Yeah. And also, it's kind of a clever trick. He's turning it around on them. He's doing the whole, you're just all short and stuff, and I don't know what you're going to do to me.

And then if they're like, stand over here, he's going to be like, see? Yeah. So violent. Yeah. That was super aggressive. It's a clever move on this guy's part. Very clever move, sir.

You know, apropos our discussion of you jerking off in every hotel room. Can I tell you what I started doing recently in my life? What? That is so stupid. And I can't believe it took me 46 years to get on board. So Chase, my little baby feature act, travels with eye masks.

And she gave me one. And now I sleep with an eye mask on on the road. I've been sleeping with an eye mask for years. I know. And I've always thought you were bougie. You were maybe a little highfalutin. Like who, what it with a princess needs her mask. And then I, now I started doing it.

And I'm like, oh, I see. It's the greatest. It's the greatest. It blocks out light and it's comfortable, you know. But you also sleep with the weird Al Qaeda mask. The one time when I was in Afghanistan, I saw them bring a POW one. Yeah.

In. I do have a POW sleep mask. What they do is they cover everything. It's like this thick so that the, the prisoner can't see where he is being led. Well, here's the thing. I'm a very, I am a very. It's very bougie though.

It is a very high class thing to do. Whatever. It's. It's an idyllidist. There are people who don't mind sleeping in like a mid level lit room. Like they could, I need, I've always been like, I would need a blackout room. And I, for years, I, I obviously you get a variety of rooms.

You know, if you travel a lot, right? Some have like, and I hate when there's any light. So I used to take t-shirts. That was my thing. I would take a t-shirt and lay it over my eyes. I just don't want any light. I can't really sleep that well without it. So I started getting sleep masks and there are,

there's a wide variety of them. And the one that I got recently, you gave me has a little bit of weight to it. It's like a weighted sleep mask. That's the best one. And that's so fun. And now you're into it. And I, you know,

something of all the gifts that I gave you for Christmas. Yeah. I had a feeling that would be your favorite. It's the best one. You either like, like a Rolex or the simplest. It's the one. Like $20 gift.

Yeah. And you will carry that weighted eye mask with you. I know on this whole tour probably. For sure. Because you will cherish that thing. I love it. It's so sweet about you. Yeah.

Yeah. So I felt very snobby using the eye mask. What are you even talking about? Can I tell you what I do? Yeah. Because I don't want to be, I don't want to perceive myself. They're not expensive.

Why is it like a snobby? I feel like they're a rich person's thing. So, but can I tell you what I do? Can I tell you what I do? Just listen. Yeah. I've refused to buy a nice one, a sleep mask, a nice one. So I will only use the free ones given to me by the airlines as a way of keeping it real

with myself. A little bit weird. So that I go like, yeah, I wear an eye mask, but I'm not like a douchebag about it. You know what I mean? Like it's the free one. So I don't feel bad about this. I can't believe. Is that crazy?

Yes, it is. What? Yes. Yes, it is. Like whatever you need to sleep better, like some people sleep with ear plugs in because they're sensitive to sound. I mean, like just whatever you need to sleep better. I don't understand how it's considered bougie to block out light.

Like I just want a dark room. Rich white lady thing to do and like. Have you ever thought of it? Yeah. Wait, and you think it's bougie too to wear an eye mask, like a sleep mask. It's very other level. I mean, I do understand my mental illness and thinking that though. I think it's just, yeah, I just, I grow up thinking like, I don't need, I mean, I don't

have to, I could deal with it, you know, so you don't, you don't like it like a really dark room to sleep in. No, I do. Yeah, me too. But it, what are you going to do? Just fucking. Just torture. That's what it feels like.

That's what I feel like. Man up. Suffer. Man up to the light. Okay. That's how I felt for 46 years. I mean, just suffer. Will you try it?

Or are you going to fucking dig your heels in on this too? I know you dug your heels in on water. Yeah, I'll try it. I'll try it. If I get you a nice one. Yeah, that's right. Let's try it. Okay.

All right. First water now. He's like, I'm fucking with water. I don't care, man. Kidney stones are my shit. All right. Fucking crazy. You guys are crazy.

Tom, if you buy me a nice sleep mask, I will wear it, but I cannot in good faith spend. And I think you know what it is. You don't have to spend a lot on the sleep mask. I mean, I don't know what we're talking about here. Like to me, even spending $20 on a sleep mask seems outrageous. Okay. All right. It's a piece of cloth.

I could just tie a shirt around my ass. But what if that made your sleep that much, but you wouldn't justify the $20? Like how much are? Yeah, they're $15, $20. I mean, this one's a three pack. Then there's some of them that some of them have, if you put cooling, like if you like that feeling, I've had that before, cooling, like it has like a gel. Yeah.

Like in it. So it has like that soothing feeling. So you don't feel too warm with it on. Yeah. I feel like this is really an unnecessary purchase. Like I don't feel like it's necessary like toilet paper or something. So I flog myself. I'm not judging you for doing it.

No, it is. Let me be clear. Let me be clear. It is. I'm not judging myself. I mean, I'm not judging you. Just so everyone's real clear. Yeah.

It's a real privilege to be able to get one. If you can, I'm telling you, it makes a difference. I think is, I never knew anybody in my life that had a sleep mask except for your Al-Qaeda mask. I mean, but all I did for 15 years, I feel like I literally would go, I'm on the road, I'm working some club week, and what happens is, you know, I've been through this routine for people, but what usually would happen is you land late at night on a day like the day before the week starts, so Wednesday night, Thursday night, they pick you up for

radio and they're picking you up at like five in the morning. You go and do radio and then you have a big gap and you're exhausted because you flew and you got. So now you're having to take your nap in the, like you need one midday. Well, when you're in these shitty comedy condos or whatever, a lot of times the room, it looks like this. I know. And this is as dark as it gets.

So that's what I would do. I would find anything to cover my eyes. Yeah. And I usually use t-shirts. I usually put a t-shirt over my eyes. That's what would block the light up. I understand. I mean, they're making a device for that.

I know. Listen, I'm not judging you. Oh, no, you are. You're not, I'm not, you should not take this personally. Yeah. And also I thought your alkydum mask was so ugly that it was okay. Oh. You know what I mean?

Because it's not like sexy and cool. It's not at all. It looks terrifying. Yeah. I understand. So, man, this is just insane. Do you want to introduce this very cool image that we have to share? Yeah.

So. Should we just ask people what they think it is, Chris? Yeah. How about I show the guys, you guys tell me what you think this is of. What is this? What are we looking at here? Is that a character in an Asian language? Is that a letter in a language I don't know how to read?

Okay. Yeah. It's a good guess. Good guess. Any? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. It looks like leaves. It looks like some leaves there, maybe some like rose or some shit. You know what I'm saying? Okay. Smart chat. I can see a rose. It's like a panther or something.

Yeah. Do you want me to tell you what it is? I think you should. This is the one tattoo I have on my body. This is a tramp stamp I got in Australia in 1998. In what year? I was 21 years old and I literally just pointed to a wall and went like, yeah, that, because I'm year of the dragon, we'll go to dragon, 1976.

And only very recently, I was embarrassed because we were on vacation and Agent Jeans was there. And I was like, your sister also has a terrible tramp stamp and we were like, Agent Jeans, who's got a worse tramp stamp, Tom's sister or me? And he's like, I don't even know what I'm looking at with you, CP. He's like, is that like two guys fighting? Is that like? Can I tell you something I've never told you before?

I always thought this was a major red flag. I think so. It was. It was. Yeah. Noted. I really was like, because the two things like when I met you, I thought you were a prostitute on sunset.

And then God, when I saw this, I was like, Oh, confirmed. I was like, you're still mad at me about the eye mask. You think I'm judging you? No, I'm definitely not. I was just like, I saw this and I was like, her body count is in the hundreds. Oh my God, babe. What? Please do you are hurting my feelings.

Now it looks like a mermaid. But the point is, oh, oh, oh, and then Sean, a friend, Sean, yeah, said he goes, is that I thought it was the guy with the ax, the juggalo. Oh my God, the juggal. And I was like, oh my God, that is look up the juggalo guy. And I thought that's pretty accurate. He's like, are you juggle it? I was like, no, the hatchet man.

Yeah, it does look like that. It kind of does. It kind of looks like just like a bad version, like a prison version. Poor man's hatchet man. So bad. It's so bad. And I'm at this point in my life where like, do I get it removed or do I just go all in? You know what I mean?

What do I do? I don't want to just leave it until I die because that's boring. Anyway, I thought it'd be really fun for the listeners. If you guys want to submit your awful tramp stamp, we could have a contest and see if anyone's got a tramp stamp worse than mine. Go ahead, take a picture of just the horrible tramp stamp, send it into your mom's podcast at gmail.com. And we'll have a little contest and see maybe the winner gets it removed.

That's a great idea. One other thing I should we have another update from David Walter, the weatherman in Erie, Pennsylvania, sent in a video. He is he accepted the challenge to play me. Those of you who don't know, I put out a challenge to play him one on one after he said that if we played, he would destroy me. And he said it would be total destruction by him. And he posted this, he sent this.

All right, Segora, I accept your challenge. I'll come to Austin, but you better bring an umbrella because I'm going to make it rain. OK. Do you think he's a what's that called? Sandbagging. Yeah, could be. I don't know. I really don't know. Yeah, he's got that long and long and lean physique there. It makes it more interesting that he could be like totally goofing.

I don't know. I really don't know grifting. Yeah, this could be just like psychological tactic where he's like, oh, I'll do it like this and he's like, I don't know what I'm doing. It could be. You don't know. Are you going to start practicing and stuff? No. No. Pretty cool. Yeah. Time. Well, I know you're going to win, babe.

I'm going to make I'm going to make him suffer. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. I can't wait. Tell this guy what's up unless he shows up and he's like, oh, you didn't know. I have the NCAA. I'll be like, oh, fuck. No, it would be funny if he's Sandbagging this. If he was just like, oh, look like I don't play ball at all.

Yeah, I'm actually really good. I don't know. But I actually I actually. I think it's actually really cool that he has embraced the challenge. And I think I think it'll be fun. Yeah, good for everybody. You know, yeah. This should be fun. The weatherman and the comedian.

Yeah, we'll have a good time. We'll be miked up. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. I have to say, honestly, as your wife, I'm a little nervous. I bet you are. I bet you are. You just have to say as a person that loves you the most. I think I understand why. But, you know, I'm taking some precautions.

Yeah. Yeah, I'll share them with you. I'll take I'll take some precautions. Yeah, great. Yeah. There will be here's the number one precaution. Ready? Fuck. Ready? Yeah. No attempted dunks. OK, thank you.

Thanks. Yeah. So there's that's a big one. That's a big one. And you know, what's really good is I have a good relationship with my surgeon for my ankle break. Shout out, Dr. Hill. Hopefully we won't be needing you after this. It would suck to have fucking need that.

It kind of I mean, let's not even put that out in the ethers. Yeah, but no, I think I don't think that's going to happen. No, it would be freakish if it happened twice. And also, right before we take a quick break here, I think we should encourage people to do what I've been doing at Starbucks, which is and other drive thruers, but mostly Starbucks. Say I love you for the barista or the person taking your order.

It's been really fun. It's kind of a nice thing, I think, for them, for you. Yeah, it's good energy. You know, they always say, like, you know, pay it forward. Yeah, pay it forward. I love you. You've been saying I love you to people. And it's another one of those things.

We've been doing it for a while and nobody's caught on or said anything. Yeah, I've been calling people mommy for years now. Nitro cold brew, lice in there, a splash of milk. Like anything else. I'm like, that's it. Thank you. I love you. I'm such a good times. Yeah, love you.

Good fun. I love you. I love you. Yeah, I love you. I love you. I'm going to start doing it, too. I love you. If you do and I love you at a drive thru, please send it in.

Your mom's podcast at gmail.com. I love you. Subject line, I love you. It's fun to do with service calls. It really is. It's a fun thing that I'll try to record one. I'll do one next time I do it. Tell them you love them.

It is positive energy. Yeah, you're not. Look, what's the matter? They're not going to get mad. What are they going to get mad at you? Yeah. Hey, sorry that I love you. Yeah, I'm sorry I loved you.

Sorry I love you so much. Your coffee. Hey, you fucking idiot. Sorry that I care so much that I told you that I love you. Yeah, you fucking asshole. God. Do you know what's so funny is that now I have a relationship with my the Star Trek guy.

Yeah. The original Starbucks guy. I just saw him again. You did. And we're bros now. You guys are totally good friends. He has a great life. He has some love in his life, you told me.

He's got, yeah, girlfriend he's very happy with. Good. And yeah, it still looks good. Got a good look going. Great. Isn't that funny? Life turns out. So you never know.

That's what I'm saying. You could say I love you to somebody in a drive-through and then end up having a nice friendship with them. It could go anywhere. Do you want to? You never, you never know. Do you want to pitch you or would you rather? Because I really did like it.

Sure. So here's my new, my new would you rather. Are you ready for it? Yeah, this was real. I thought this was actually very interesting. It is very interesting and it's very revealing. Would you rather weigh 400 pounds yourself or have your spouse weigh 400 pounds?

Right. So the question is, and here's the deal, man, I don't, I think you can't just say, well, like you're with the person. You have to stay married. Yeah. And now initially I was like, are you allowed to lose the weight or do we have to keep the weight on? And I think I'm going to say you can lose the 400 pounds

because then that adds another layer to it. It's basically, do I trust myself to lose 400 pounds or do I charge you with losing 400 pounds? And I got to say, with this fitness kick you've been on, you're going to have to lose 400 pounds. So I choose you to be fat. And I choose the same. But is it for the same reasoning?

No, I just don't want to look at you at 400 pounds. That was really my motivation. The second you said it, I was like, I don't want to look at you at 400. I'll take it. That's so interesting. Yeah, yeah. But we asked your sister and she was like,

ew, the other person. So it's interesting why. It reveals something about where your mind goes and what you think. So you didn't want to look at me. You didn't want to be disgusted by looking at a partner that's 400 pounds. Correct.

That would bum you out more than you. Well, I'll say this. That was my immediate thought. And I also thought about, I also did think about, oh, God, how miserable, I did consider, I was like, that means I'm going to feel a certain way, mentally, physically. It is going to be terrible.

It's more than a mental torture. But I was like, well, if I look at you, oh, you know. That was my thought. I'll say this, I'll reveal this. It was an immediate reaction. You didn't want me to be fat. To be 400. 400 is a lot.

It's a lot of weight to lose, too. And you can lose it. So if there's somebody out there that's listening that's two or three or four, whatever weight you are, I mean, this is, that is something about weight, is that you can do something about it. But my immediate reaction was, yeah, it was a selfish one. It was just that I, that's where my mind went.

I was like, well, my spouse is 400. I don't want to get fat. Or is it more selfish to not want to take, to want, sorry, the other person to be the fat, so. Meaning like, so you get to stay nice and pretty, but they have to be fat. I mean, I guess that's why it's an interesting one. That's why it's an interesting one to talk about.

Which one's more inherently selfish is to be the one who doesn't want to look at the overweight person and to be the person who is, you know, taking the burden of the weight. It's interesting. I don't know. Chad, what do you think? What's more selfish?

You're smart. Well, can you pretend that you're not with the person while you're out in public? Okay, we know what your answer is. Too harsh? No, it's not that. No, it's very real. It's a girl.

No, you're married to them, so they are your partner. You must act as though they are your partner. So are you saying you would rather take the 400 pounds or give the 400 pounds to someone else? That's really the question. I would take the 400 pounds. Yeah. Because you don't want to look at it.

And I think I could probably do the work to get it off. Yeah. That to me is the real question. Who's more capable of doing the work? That's you. It's like a mental toughness kind of exercise. It's a mental game, yeah. Who can do it?

Or who wants to do it? My God. What about the rest of the guys? Yeah, what would you guys pick? So my question is, when I'm marrying her, is she already 400 pounds? Yes. Or after she's married?

400 pounds, or after marriage, she gets to 400. Just like, you know? That's an interesting, I mean, that just is an interesting way. It's a clarifier. It's a clarifier. Let's just say you wake up one day. And she's just, boom.

And one of you is. Whichever it is. Oh, just overnight success. I'd have to, I don't know, like I'm okay with bigger girls too. And I feel like if I was at 400, like the fatter dudes get, they start losing ability to perform in the bedroom.

Oh, sexually, yeah. So it's like, I could still do stuff where I'm currently at, but if I got another 200 pounds on me, it's like, I don't know how much more function I'm gonna have. Well, we forgot about that aspect of just being a functional person. Well, yeah, of course, it's a real burden

to carry this level. It's a lot of weight. Yeah, it's not gonna be easy. Yeah, you do it. Because you're bigger than me, structurally. 400 pounds on me would just, I don't think I could even get up. No, you couldn't.

I mean, I weighed, okay, am I heaviest when I delivered our baby, our first child was 180. 180, dude. No, sorry, 208. I'm sorry, I weighed 208 when I delivered our first child. 208.

Do you know that I weigh less than that now? That you weigh less than that now. That's amazing. You weigh less than a pregnant woman ate cheeseburgers for five months, pre-diabetic, 208. And that was so hard to just walk around and walk, my knees hurt.

I don't think I could. No, it sucked. It would be so hard. That's why it's a good would you rather, because it sucks in either scenario. But then you've, okay, but what if you have the spouse that doesn't want to lose weight? And then you're stuck with it, that's the whole thing.

Then you're stuck with it. That's the hard part, is looking at them. Divorce isn't an option? No. No, you could do. I literally love them. What? Like in a pool or something.

Or at the beach, like we saw that one, just let the ocean kind of take care of it, you know? The ocean gives and the ocean takes, you know? Tom is referring to this time, what was it like a decade ago? It was a long time ago. We went to an island off at a cruise ship, right? We were getting off at Turks and Caicos,

I'll never forget it. And we were at the beach, you know, in the shitty Port Beach and there was a fit guy and the wife was very fat. No, he was actually not fit. He was just very thin. Really, he had like just a very thin frame. He had like, it wasn't a muscular guy,

just the kind of guy, like that guy's really skinny. If you saw like a, like what a thin guy, not very, any definition, no shape to him, just like a pole. She was a house, like a real, I mean, she looked like a hippo. Oh, but I was just thinking that, you know, like the cartoon hippo with the tutu? It was wild.

Yeah. And you saw him together. It was wild with a bathing suit. And sometimes you're always fetishizing the, like what's going on? Yeah, yeah. So, he's so thin, also it was like the juxtaposition, right, of the, and then she was laying in the water

at the shoreline and at one point she was like, Frank, Frank. He scurried over and it took everything he had just to get her from laying down to just seat it. Yeah. And I'll never forget that image of him pulling her up. She's in the sand and she can't sit up and the waves are kind of pushing her.

And I remember thinking like, whoa, this is a fucked up scenario. That was a lot. And I think that's when I turned to you and I was like, I will never let that happen to me. I promise you, his God is my witness. It's a long time ago. I will never get that fat, I promise you.

That was a big, yeah. And he could have just been like, I can't hear you. Just softly drop her back. Just walked away. And then the ocean just goes. And she's like, Frank. That's cool. Could have, yeah.

So wait, what's your vote? I would say her, her being 400. Yeah, I like it. Cause then she'll die faster than you. That's not the reason, no. What's your reason? The reason is that like, you know, it's in a marriage, there's marital loves.

And I think with her being 400, I could work with that. But if I'm 400, it's like, I might be incapacitated. This is real insight into everybody's. Yeah, the Dobs worry is sexual. I'm a people pleaser. Yeah, he's sexual. And then Chad's is, will I be humiliated in public? I don't want to, Chad.

That's interesting. Chad was like, do I have to act like I know this motherfucker? So he was more concerned about humiliation, which is very real. And here comes the big finale. And Annie. Annie. That's the easiest decision of my life.

Yeah, it'd be her for sure. Her for sure. Same reason as yours. I ain't looking at that. Come on. As yours, you Tom. Wait, I chose to be it. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

You know what? I'm stupid. Yeah, yeah, me. Me 100%. You, okay. Because I ain't gonna look at that. Yeah. That's just reality.

That's just reality. I ain't gonna fucking... That's what's up. I'm not gonna try to be nice about it. I ain't marry a 400 pound fucking woman. How you gonna just wake up like that and expect to not do something about it? Yeah.

And then your metabolism will kick back and it'll look like this in two weeks. Exactly. So yours is about, what is that? That you don't wanna, you're aesthetic judgment. You don't wanna be... Yeah, it's about, it's like I said, it's selfish. Being pleasing to the eye.

Exactly. It bothers you when something is not pleasing to the eye. Yeah, it would bother me. And mine was born out of laziness. Well, you just said, you actually had a practical one. You just said like, who was more likely to address this? Yeah. But that was interesting

because that's how your mind operates. Mine was just like, I don't wanna look at that. Hold on. Are you saying that my mind is more practical? In this scenario? I mean, look, in... I don't know how this applies to everything. Well, I'm just saying and maybe in other scenarios

this might spill over. What? Just I'm just open the possibility that maybe I'm more practically minded than you give me credit for. Our guests are here. Why don't we go ahead and wrap this up? By the way, you burped.

Do we have an update or not yet? Yes. We have an update. Oh my God, we have an update. Oh my God. Okay. And now finally to put it to rest, we have asked our very own Dr. Drew to weigh in on Burpgate.

So I don't know, you don't know, but we've agreed that whatever he says is the final word. Is the final word. Well, I'm sure he's gonna give me a very favorable response. Did he or did you or did I burp first? That's what we're debating. And he's gonna let us know.

So why don't we just watch this and see what he says. Okay, let's go. Terms of this contest was very clear. Christina laid out the terms. I don't want to hear your farts or burps any longer. Not that I don't want to smell them. So you have to hear the burp. And in fact, Oxford Dictionary defines burp

as a noisily released bit of air from the mouth. And I did not hear Tom release air. I heard Christina. Oh no. I'll take care of my body. I lost the bet. Christina lost the burp challenge and Burpgate is now closed.

No! No! Oh my God. He is fired. He is not. He's fired. He is promoted to super podcaster. He's just one podcaster of the year.

I can't fucking believe this. Well, here's the difference. We were all, everybody was having their own debate. People were weighing in online and on social media. And then all of a sudden, we decided to ask a professional. Yeah, but I question that. Where did he get his medical degrees from? Is it America, Puerto Rico, where are we talking?

Guatemala? Puerto Rican citizens have all the rights that we have. It's very disappointing, Tom. Well, we did say that we would accept. Yeah, I know we said it, but I don't like it. And I believe if it was me that won the debate, it was time to go to Blowy Central. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So. I got it. Yeah. Thank you, Dr. Drew, for your honest, unbiased, and medical opinion on this matter. Boo. Christine? Yeah, whatever.

Listen, the people who stand for me in my position are still going to be behind me. This election was rigged. OK. We're going to storm. Storm. What is it? The Pentagon.

OK. We're storming. Well, look, your guy's running again in 2024. He made his announcement. So best of luck to you and your fans. And yeah, we'll really appreciate it. Thank you for your honesty, Dr. Drew. And we'll be back in a little bit.

And we're back with our hugely wildly popular guest. If you love roller skating, you know these guys. Put your hands together for Tony Hawk and Jason Ellis, everybody. Thank you. Thank you. You're always skating. That's so mean.

Am I wrong? I don't know the world. Roller skating. But you didn't say roller blade. I can't believe. It is so wild. I mean, I've known Jason a little bit over the years. I remember doing your show at Sirius.

It is crazy to me that your sport, both of your sports, you're also a very good roller-blader. My man. Yeah. But it's a sport where you have to admit most people don't know a fucking thing about it. Myself included. I mean, what I know about it is having

seen some clips on TV, the fact that my oldest son has some interest in it, that nobody really knows anything about it. And yet everybody knows who you are. Everybody knows your name. You represent the sport. You're the main ambassador. He's the main mommy at the skateboarding.

Thank you. I think that a lot of that stems from having a video game that was successful. Well, a lot of it stems from the video game. And being a mega winner. But yeah. Doing a 900 on that one day was a really good. That was a big shift for all of us.

Yeah. To see that somebody could do it or do it for the. But it put us all, when people would ask me on the plane, what do you do for a living? And I'd say, I'm a pro skateboarder. They'd be like, oh, you mean like Tony Hawk? And I'm like, yeah. Yeah, like Tony Hawk.

But before that, they would say, oh, interesting. Do you sell t-shirts for it or something? Like I didn't understand the internet job. There's always a mystery of how we could possibly make a living doing it. So I always think it's got to be a fascinating thing for someone to be a reference. In other words, somebody jumps on a skateboard.

You go, OK, Tony Hawk. Like to like, you know what I mean? Like if somebody shoots a bat and you go, OK, LeBron, like you're a reference to people. Yeah, that's fun, but also a lot of pressure. Yeah, I imagine. I do a specific type of skating, and I am obviously a specific age group of skater.

And so when people ask me about skating, I want to be able to speak for all of it, and including the fringe element of people that are out just to skate the forbidden territories. Sure. And I want to promote that as well. So it's just a lot of pressure, but I'm happy to.

Yeah. Now, how do you like you guys are, how would you say have slightly different personalities? You'd be surprised how close we are. I know. I believe that you guys are. That's the weirdest part about it. But on, you know, at a glance, let's say.

Oh, yeah. There is some difference. So do you guys, is the history because of your skateboarding pass as well that you knew each other way back when? Is that how this is happening now? Yeah, we've known each other for. I mean, I knew him before he knew me, obviously. Sure.

Because he was Tony Hawk. And the first time I saw him, I was like, holy shit, that's Tony Hawk. And I think he looked my way and I was like, oh, my God, like we almost had eye contact. Yeah. And that was the highlight of my life for several years. And then I turned pro, moved to America,

and then competed with him. And he would say, what's up, Jason? And I'd be like, hey, Tony. I'd be like, fucking knows my name. And then that progressed a little bit. And then I think maybe we might have got drunk at a bar or something. And he was laughing at me.

And I was like, you're not fake. You like the way I talk. Legitimately. This is so weird that most of the stuff that was coming out of my mouth was inappropriate, for sure. And he was laughing his ass off. And I'm like, you know what, we could be friends. And then we became friends and skated with each other.

But then it was more of a, like some of my other friends that are skateboarders would say, how the fuck are you and Tony Hawk friends? And I'm like, what do you, I get what you're saying, but he's not like a, like a stiff, you know what I mean? Like he has it. He is a person. But that's the, OK.

People think he's just like the game sometimes. Like here's my thing. I love skateboarders. I love you guys because I feel like comedians and skateboarders were street people, if you will. You craft your stuff, you cut your teeth. There's no way around it, bro. It's your scene, too.

And that's what I've noticed. Comedy and skateboarding is, it's on, you're not allowed in. You gotta pay before you're allowed in. Jews paid, homeboy. And like, yeah. And it's all about blood, sweat and tears. And I'm going to fucking get up and I'm going to try that shit again, bitch.

Watch it happen. And other dudes are watching you, which is so fucking stressful, right? Like you bomb in front of their comics or you win in front of other comics. So your reputation is king. But what's fascinating to me about Tony is that a lot of the skateboarders

that I've known over the years, you watched these documentaries. And even like Bones Brigade, like early touring, you're like a kid when you start doing this shit. Like you're 13 or whatever, touring. And everyone else is getting faded and partying and hooking up. But you're like laser focused, even at such a young age. Yeah, it's definitely obsessed.

Still am. But I think also through the years and even through my formative years, which were spent on the road with all of those distractions and whatnot, I think that I saw my peers lose their motivation with all that. So how do you not? Yeah, how do you not?

You're so young. That's a, that's a, because my skating was always top priority for me. It's what gave me the most satisfaction and gave me the best, I don't know, validation. And so when I saw people partying and kind of losing their skill set, I was like, there's no way I'm doing that. You know what I mean?

I'm not. But even like with the partying aside, like as your profile grew, right? And this is something that I think happens to anybody that has great success. Like was it ever hard? Was it something you really had to focus on to stay driven to be great or be the best?

Because people get complacent when they get. I only ever cared about getting better. That's it. That was it. Learning new tricks. That was, that was my, still, that's my focus. So winning events was awesome, but that was just incidental to learning new tricks and getting better.

And at some point, I definitely was caught in the vortex of competition and the cycle. And that got old and that burned me out pretty quickly. And I actually stepped away from it. But I never lost the incentive to keep learning new stuff. And may I add too? So you're so young, you're touring. It takes courage to be like around cool guys

like Jason Ellis, probably partying. And to be like, no, guys, I'm going to fucking go to bed at a decent hour. And I definitely had a lot of haters through the years because of that. And because of my style, like my style was much more, they thought mechanical, robotic, because it was just about the tricks.

So I didn't have flair. I didn't, I didn't look cool in my silhouettes. You know what I mean? Which is what skateboarding is now. Yes, yes. It's about like looking cool. Doing more tricks, excelling. Right, right.

And he was all about that. But in my day, in my day, they called me a circus skater. He was the only one. Everybody who was in that contest got wasted after the contest. Everybody except him. And nobody really ever caught on. I think there was a few people, but we were all too drunk to pay attention to it.

But really? Yeah. If you, if you, especially if you won, like if you won, then you're drunk like for a couple of days. Yeah. Because you mean you're still on the ramp the next day. Yeah, he was on the ramp after the contest. No, because, because the pressure was off.

That was the difference. For me, the pressure was off to stay on my skateboard that whole time. And now I'm unleashed to learn new stuff. So you're telling me that you win the contest and instead of going to celebrate, you're like, I'm just getting back on the board. The guy that got second is already.

The next day. The accident, yeah. You partied though. You partied that night. Please tell me how to least a celebratory something. Maybe. Yeah. Not.

A Sunday. A Sunday. You never got like, we're getting fucking wrecked. I remember my first hangover was after one of the Mount Trashmore events. Oh, OK. Yeah. But only because we had to get up early.

We had to get up like 6 AM to get our flight home. Did you drink in front of people? What? This is a legit question. We went to a house party. Yes, I did. We went to a house party. So people saw you.

Yeah. I was like 18. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I do remember that feeling like this sucks. That's amazing. This is the worst that I'd like.

Do I have the flu? I couldn't figure it out. It was terrible. Yeah, I wish I had that feeling. Oh, I know. I pushed through that. I felt great. Yeah.

So how did how does Tony Hawk let loose? I mean, skating has always been my escape and my my expression. So it has been. After that, you don't just like sit around and jerk off in the park or something. I wish, man. Right. Jerk off in the park.

Wave down a couple of homeless guys. Hey, look at this. That's living. Damn, I should have picked up on that. I wish I wish you could give me those ideas. Press release, man. I'm just talking about stress release. I'm going to write that down.

That's a good one. Yeah. Well, you're like, I have done that. I haven't. I've done a lot, but I haven't said, hey, buddy, look at me. Jerk off. Maybe I have. I have, but not.

I didn't yell it. I was like, I was like, hey, do you want to watch my jerk off? And do you want to get involved? You'd be surprised how many people take you up on that. I used to do it just because I would go on tour with him and he was married and he'd show up at the club and everyone's like, oh my god, Tony Hawk's here. And I'm like, he's married.

I had hair. I had hair. And I was like, I'm not. And I've got an accent. Do you want to see me jerk off? Oftentimes, they would say yes. There was three girls once that said yes. And the one that was one of them went, ew, but I'll go anyway.

And I'm like, that was weird. But then when we started, she started trying to touch it. And I was like, uh-uh. I said this is just a show because I thought that was kinky to play the game. That was kind of fun. Yeah. She wanted to grab it the whole time.

And you didn't let her. Where did you finish? Into their hands. They had them out like servants. I gave them all. Mumps and porridge. I gave them all some porridge. I've been a good girl, mommy.

That's what she said. May I have some more? Yes, that's what they all said. Mommy. Yeah. So Tony Hawk never did that. Yeah, the next day he won. That train had passed up.

I don't know what. I didn't. That's how that works. Wow. Let's talk about, but we'll get into some sex stuff here. But let's talk about injuries. Because we had a fun short chat out front. Because, well, you and I have some well-documented injuries.

So I know you definitely do. And I had the privilege of seeing yours without knowing anything about it. Because I did two bears, one cave, but there was only one bear in that cave. The big bear. Yeah. And we were talking about, yes, we were talking about my,

I broke my femur last March. I mean, just for people that, I mean, breaking a femur is considered the most serious of all the limbs you can break. That is a big time break. It was a compound one, too. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't realize that later.

When there was blood dripping on the ramp. God damn. Did I scrape my hip? What is that? And they're like, no, that's where your bone was sticking out until you grabbed your leg and put it in the right spot. Because I did that instinctually. I just grabbed it from behind me

and put it back where it was. And this happened like, for those of us like, don't know exactly, are you airborne and then landing on this? I was doing a move. It's called a McTwist, which is like a one and a half somersault. And I didn't have enough speed going into it.

And in my younger days, that was never a problem. So I was stuck in that mode. Sure. And when I was coming in, I knew that the landing wasn't ideal, but I was still going to fix it. And then at some point it was unfixable and my leg just snapped and it was dragging behind me.

When I was coming down, he was there. One of my kids was there with a few of his friends that came down like, hey, let's go wash Tony's, get the ramp. And so they were a bit traumatized, too. Haven't you won contests with broken limbs? I feel like I've heard something. No.

Okay, never mind. So where does this rank? I mean, it's obviously a horrific injury. Well, you've got a bunch of injuries. I broke my pelvis about 15 years ago, which I thought was the worst. This one was what I came to find out, much worse in terms of recovery,

but I wasn't really accepting that it was going to be much worse in a recovery. So I got to skating right away. Right away? Yeah, like. It was stupid, dude. He would fall off and then when he would get up, he could barely get up.

Well, I should have known something was wrong when I would limp to the ramp to go skate. Yeah. Does he look like you're newly reconstructed femur? Yeah, so probably about six. Yeah, because the doctor told him that it was stronger now because he bolted it all in with metal.

And this guy's like, I'm doing this demo. He's talking about doing a demo in, was it two months? It was two months, yeah. And I'm like, dude, I just watched your leg like fly the opposite way. Then you straightened it, but it was still like when he sure it's got pulled up, it was over here.

I was cherry picking the info that I was getting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was like, well, the bones healed in six to eight weeks. I'm like, I'm good, eight weeks, let's go. And so I got into skating right away. And there was, I do remember the actual moment where I stepped off my board and I felt the bone move out of place.

It was still there, but it was like, instead of being like this, it was kind of shifted to the side. But then he kept skating. And then he kept skating and all that impact eventually made it separate and keep separating. So through the six months, no, like eight months after my actual injury,

my bone was further away from itself than it was like the day after surgery. And I knew something was wrong because I was in pain, like I'd walk through an airport, I need to take a painkiller. You know, I just knew something was off, literally off, and I went and got x-rays and they're like, yeah, that's a non-union fracture.

And what does that mean? It goes, it's not coming back. So I found another surgeon that specializes in non-unions and he realigned it. And now it's much better. It's night and day. Before he got it fixed, he did a trick called a backside boneless

where you're flying to the air and you put one foot on the coping and you stand on that one foot and then you jump back in and land on both feet on the board. On the broken leg that isn't attached, that's the leg that's standing on the coping. And he did that.

And if you're good, that's still a difficult trick to do. But when your leg is not attached to your leg and you do it for like an hour until you make it, it just made me look at, cause he's not, he never acts tough. You know, like I am like, like when I skate, I'll slam. And I'll be like, that didn't even hurt.

Like some, I'm just blowing smoke up my own ass to try and seem scary. He is at the ramp doing this trick with his leg not attached. And I'm just like, I see the video and I'm like, you're a fucking maniac. Do you know that? Your level of tough now is like,

if this will never happen, but if we got angry at each other and he was like, fuck you, dude, I'm knocking you out. I would be seriously worried. Yeah. Because what is up? I'm not very macho.

Yeah, he's not like. Well, it's funny because like, I don't know if I can deliver a hit. Obviously most people don't have your background and career in this, but a lot of people that would have an injury, like skiing or something, right? Like, and they break their femur,

even a much, much more common injury and less severe like an ACL, they just go, I'm never skiing again, you know? But to you, obviously that never was a thought in your head. Never. Did you know that? We're used to doctors saying you'll only, you know, you'll only ever get 80% back

and just like, yeah, okay, sure. I love that. This is why I love. We've heard that so many times. This is why I love skateboarders because it's the same psychotic way of thinking that a comedian is. First of all, who goes,

I'm gonna be a standup comic or I'm gonna be a skateboarder when you're like a kid on your driveway doing flip, whatever the fuck you guys are doing. And then to be the guy that's like, I'm gonna do 900. I'm gonna be the first motherfucker. Like, what did that feel like

to be the first motherfucker to do 900? That's crazy. It felt great. As you guys are doing it, but as you're doing it, are you like, cause how do you even, I always wonder like the first time you dip into the fucking bowl, how does that work?

That particular trick was 10 years in the making. 10 years. Yeah. The part of you go, I'm doing this for white people, like to make us feel like we are actually. The masturbation. Wow, why did you do that? Never once.

All right, I don't know. I'm just throwing ideas out there. I don't know. Hey, we were looking like, if you didn't do that, we were in trouble. That's what I'm telling you. But there has to be an element of like, no fear to care and not care.

I've never linked Grace to the 900, but thank you for that. It was literally my first thought. Go ahead. What the fuck? I don't know. I said, I don't know skateboarding. Go ahead.

True. Explain how it takes 10 years. Cause I agree, sometimes jokes take a decade before they come out of you the right way. Yeah, you're gonna like that one in a few years. Well, the first time I tried it was, or not in 10 years, you're canceled for that joke. More likely.

The first time I tried it was just flailing. I didn't really know. I didn't know where I was in the air. I was not really getting all the way around. So it felt like a pipe dream. And then as the years progressed and as my spinning and my skating got better, I felt more comfortable in actually committing

to the full spin. And then I started to spin it. Probably spin it pretty well like five years later. And then I started getting close. And when I started getting close, I fully committed to making one. And I was leaning too far forward and I slammed into the bottom of the ramp and broke my rib.

And that was the moment where I was like, maybe this is impossible. Because I had every piece of it, I thought. And I put it all together and that's what happens. So I kind of left it for a while. I'd come back to it sometimes, but I just never could commit again because of that injury. And then when the X Games 99 happened,

they had a best trick event. I had one trick planned for the best trick event, which was my best trick at the time. I'd only done it once, which was a, it's a 720 spin with a very else I spin my board. I made that halfway into the event. So you're like, I have no closer. So I got 10 minutes left to do whatever.

And it was actually the announcer, the announcer said, let's see what those 900 attempts. And it's like, okay, here's what it looks like. Literally like that? Literally the guy says it? Duncan, yeah. And we know there was a few of us now that were spinning them. Yeah, there was about a handful of people

that were getting close. It was like a hot thing, but still kind of impossible. But we all knew that out of anybody, when it comes to spinning and landing, he has the safest position that he gets into where if anyone could get away with it, it's him. Were you there for this? Yeah, I was announcing.

Oh, no. Oh my God. So are you the one that says this? So no. No, he was announcing on air. It was the live crowd announcer. Do you, like, is your inside instinct, this will work out or probably not?

No, well, at first he's posing is my opinion. Yeah, I was posed. I posed the first three. But I'm not saying that, obviously. And then- What do you mean when you say you posed, that was just- He has no intention of making it.

I didn't try to stick it. You know, on the last turn, I'm throwing it away and I'm getting out safely. There's a crunch zone where if you commit to that last bit, you can't get out. You either make it or you eat shit. Fuck, dude. So there was one or two where I was like,

he's really trying to make it. Here's Tony Hawk's first ever 900. So this is like the 10th or 11th attempt that night. The time was already up. I always cringe on that first set, that last set up there. Right there. Why? Because I landed kind of low, yeah.

You see that? Sometimes that helps. That's what helps. Right. Yeah. There you go. That's me in energy. That's a moment.

Oh, no way. I tried to jump in there and attack him and everybody else got to him first. What a moment. So that's like a championship moment. I mean, look at that. Everyone goes crazy. He made it for everybody.

Like I went out that night and did a bunch of blow and drank. For Tony. Makes you feel good, right, T? I hit on a, I thought that it was- Who's that? Sandra Bullock. Sandra Bullock.

Sandra Bullock was at the bar and I was like, Tony Hawk made the 900. Like we made the 900. And I was right. We were on the map from that day on. Like as I said, people in the airplane, what are you doing on my cross-gamer? Like, do you know Tony Hawk?

Yes, I do. And they're like, no way, you're cool. And I'm like, see, told ya. So I go to Sandra Bullock, hey, how's it going? Cause I'm feeling pretty confident. Like, did you see Tony Hawk do the 900? I was there.

I'm friends with him. I can almost do them myself. I could spin them. He did, he spun them. Yeah. What's the- What's the closest you got to that, to pulling one off? Did you ever get pretty close?

No. No, I could do the 900, spin the 900, and then be alive at the end of it. That was- Cause what I've heard from skateboarders say is like, it's not just doing the trick once, cause not anybody, but you can do the trick once, but repeating the trick.

And the fact that you can repeat the trick and win stuff, is crazy. It's like stand-up comedy where, you know, you practice an hour for how, you know, couple years, then you go to that, you got that one night to shoot this motherfucker, and it goes on Netflix forever, and you better fuckin' nail it.

And that's where the big bucks come in. But that's the way you do deliver because you, that's why you are. But because, but it's probably, this is where there's like a real comparison to it, is that there's no way you're gonna nail it if you haven't put in the reps. In other words, there's, you know,

there's bad specials, like objectively bad ones. I needed that crash when I broke my rib to understand how to shift my weight in the air. Really? So even though at the moment, when that happened with that crash, I thought that's it. That's my sign that it's not going to work. But in the moment of the X Games, which was years later,

I was like, if I'm ever gonna get hurt again, it's right now. You know what I mean? Like I'm gonna commit to this, and you're either gonna, I'm either gonna ride away in victory or get carried off an ambulance. Those were the only two outcomes

I would have accepted that night. So I was ready for it. We have some extra. Go ahead. No, no, do you feel like because you've been injured so many times that you just don't, does the fear of injury, it's like bombing. And I'm assuming there's something to it

where you're just like, I don't give a fuck, bitch. Like I've bombed. That's what I love about comedy. What do you do to me? When you bomb, you don't have to go to hospital. That's like one of my favorite things about it. I'm like, everybody hated you. And I'm like, I don't have to go to hospital, do I?

No? Well then, fucking, who cares? Bombing is such a empty, it's hard to describe bombing. I feel like if you're that as good as you guys are, like the competitive nature to me bombing is you failed. You know, I'll go home and sit on the couch and just sit there going, why?

Why did you do that? Cause I got this evil coach. It's like, you fucking suck. That's why you did that. And I'm like, I'm trying, it just started. You should quit. Everybody there thinks you should quit. That thing, that voice never goes away though.

Yeah, quit. When you bombing, first of all, bombing is possible at every level of standup. And the voice that you hear after it, when you're 20 years in, is the same voice that's two years in. It's still an empty, dark, awful feeling. And the only redemption is the next set where you do well.

There's no other way to get over it. Get back up on the skateboard. I feel like it's the same as skateboarding. I'm trying, I'm trying. No, not you. And I've been watching you on Instagram. I'm like, don't get on the skateboard, Tony. I'm watching you.

No, no, no, I'm not gonna make the same mistake. No, not yet. But now that I'm walking normally, I'm getting very antsy. I bet. And my wife has to tell me. He texts me at Christmas. How long has it been now, since you haven't written?

Month and a half. Month and a half. That's you in eternity, I'm sure. That's a long time. Well, a month and a half into my last surgery, I was all in, so better this time. He texts me, a relative gave him a skateboard back that he used to own back in the 80s or whatever.

And he checked it out in the kitchen. And was like, this thing looks pretty awesome. And then stood on it and skated through the kitchen. And he's texting me this stuff. And I was just, I was with a group of people and I'm reading this jerk off. Like, when you ask Tom, why would he hang out with me? Here's why, Tom.

So he sees the skateboard and he goes, oh, this looks pretty cool. My leg feels attached now. I'll skate. And then he skates through the kitchen past his wife, who goes, what the fuck? Or maybe she's like. No, no, it was, I put it down in the kitchen by myself.

Kind of sneakily, like, I'm standing on it. And then I felt good. So I rode through the hallway. Then I came into the living room where all the kids are. It's Christmas Eve, while the kids are. And then my wife was like, well, how does that feel? Wait, what the hell are you doing? Imagine after Tom did that basketball slam,

they taped his arm back on and like three days later, he's in the kitchen, bounces the ball going, hey, babe, I'm going to go dunk with Bert. Like you would go, what the fuck? No, no, Jason, he's going to have a basketball contest with a weatherman person. That's true. That's how you are?

Yeah, that's true. But you work out in there. You'd be fine. I'd be fine. He's middle-aged. I'd be fine. So let me ask you this. You're this reckless, both of you are.

And Jason, we already know your parents were fucking dog shit. But I've seen that your parents were very supportive of you coming up. And that's really unique, I think, especially in an art league skateboarding, where it's mostly kids that don't come from great families. Oh, in the early 80s, no parents wanted a kid skating. Right.

So what was unique about your parents? They, that I have three older siblings that all grew up in the 70s, and they'd already kind of been through the wringer with them. And I came late. That actually probably is a big factor. Yeah, like my mom was 43, my dad was 45 when I was born. You're tired.

And in the, I mean, I was born in 68. So in those times, that was very old for having kids. Definitely an accident. And then I came on, just like, I was a fireball. I just wanted to go, go, go. And when I found skateboarding, that was it. So because I finally found something that occupied all my time,

my dad was like, get him to the skate park. Just get him there. And that's all I needed. What got you into skateboarding? My older brother, he's a surfer. Nice. By the way, this is a perfect segue. I have to tell you this.

Do you know that Bart, who you did the Two Bears podcast with? Yes. He told, like, he, like, we're best friends. We love to fuck with each other. Yeah. He tells me, he's like, he's like, do you know what I did with Tony? I'm like, what?

He's like, I told Tony that you wanted his approval on your surfing. Because I posted, I posted, and I was like, wait, what do you mean? And then for people that he told me on this podcast, I have a clip over here. Hear me out. I'm hearing you out.

This is what I said to Tony Hawk. When I said, Tom wants to know if you think he's a rad dude. Please set up the town with Tony Hawk. Such an asshole. Because all I, because just so people know, I had gone surfing. I posted it. I was very excited about it.

Couple days later, I talked to Bert, and he goes, I'm with Tony Hawk. And yes, I showed him. And I'm like, huh? He goes, I know you wanted me to show him you surfing to see if you look cool. And I'm like, what are you talking about? And then I hear Tony in the background.

He's like, yeah, good job, man. What? What are you talking about? Such an asshole. So Tom's been helping me. Hounding you. I go, and so he wants me to show you a surfing video and ask you if you think he looks cool.

So I like Tony's. It's such a, like, he does like just to, because you can only do this to your friend. He did a similar thing where he played Green Bay tour of like a month or two before me, met Aaron Rodgers, and then I was going to Green Bay, and then he's on the phone texting, voice text. He goes, Aaron, Tom is hounding me.

Can he please have your number? I'm like, dude, stop. Wow. And he's like, he's like, yay, just kidding. All day, he's Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. I was like, you motherfucker, dude. That's what, anyway, it was so humiliating. You know, it was humiliating the way he told us.

It was fine, though. I was happy to see your surfing book. Oh, okay. I was like, what are you talking about? It was Waikiki, right? It was, it was, where'd we go? It was the Eisenhower Beach. I don't know exactly what part of the walk that is, but.

He goes, it was fine. Like, so what would you rank my husband on his surfing book? Well, that was your first day surfing ever. Yeah, that was good. Thanks, thanks, man. Sit up. Natural ability, yeah. Oh my, I have to.

You should say something better. What's that? No, I did. I stood up. That's all you could do. No, but listen to this one. Getting up, is it? What's that?

It was confident. Ooh, good job. It was stylish. There you go. That's what I saw. Thank you. Yeah. Do you surf as well?

It was magnificent. Thank you. He's an excellent surfer. His whole family are excellent surfers. They took me on a surfing trip to Texas the other day on that. To Texas. Oh, that's the free place. Yeah, the man made waves.

The Waiko wave. Yeah, you have a wave here that you could definitely afford to go through. It's funny to say what's that because Burt kind of volunteered that you guys were gonna rent it. Oh, that's right. And we were all gonna go surf there.

That's right. He said, he, that's right, that's right. I'm sorry. He told me this is the one where it's a, it's a man made, right? Like an artificial. And they have a beginner one and then they can switch a button

or whatever they do. Indoors? Outdoors. It's outdoors. And it's pretty cool. It's amazing. It's amazing, yeah. It's really cool.

Really? Yeah. And you can, oh yeah, right. He told me you can shut it down for the day or whatever. You can rent it for the day. You can rent it for the day, yeah. So we did that. And my kids and a bunch of their friends went.

And so that was, it's called a Waiko surf. And so. Jason and I, I was still at the tail end of my problematic leg issue. So the challenge was that Jason was going to get up on a wave and we were going to get up on a wave together for a, you know, a podcast. This is Reggae.

That's sweet, yeah. And we did it. So mission accomplished. Oh, do you hold hands? We did. We did, yeah. I was going to jump on his board and then something came over me and decided not to do that.

That's a good idea. I sent it to my wife and then she sent it back with both of us had eggplant penises. Well, we were touching hands. I didn't post that. Can I ask you one stupid question? I'd like to ask my guest the dumbest questions possible. Please do.

This is so dumb, but I'm going to ask Tony Hawk. Why is it that long and lean skateboarders tend to be great at it? Like, okay, because I've seen, I've seen English Bulldogs skateboard. I mean, you did say at the start that it was going to be a stupid question. It's fucking stupid.

And like, but like, why do English Bulldogs? Like they're so squat and little, but they like they can do it. It just seems counterintuitive to me that somebody who's long and lean on a fucking stick with wheels would be a great skateboarder. I grew up very short.

I grew up as a runt and didn't, went through puberty very late. So I had already developed all my skate skills by then. And then when I got tall, I figured out how to adapt that to bigger terrain. But also, I can do this move that he's mentioned, like how I made that 900 where I can get really squatty and low and I can sort of save landings like that.

So I was always able to do that. That was probably a big reason why I broke my leg because I thought I could still save it with a squat and my body was not ready to squat that tightly anymore. But that's been, I mean, that's been a big thing for sure. What happened to you? Would that injury affect at all training outside of a park, meaning like weight training and stuff?

Like, is that something you think about more since then or no? I'm just trying to get my flexibility back because I feel like I have my strength back finally. So I want to be able to get down and get squatty like that again and not risk it. Another question. What are the bitches like in skateboarding? Did you say bitches?

The bitches. Are you talking about female skaters? No, no, no, I'm talking about your groupies. Oh, I think this is more of a Jason question. Yeah, not you. Because we've had race car drivers on. We like to ask them what the chick's edge is. Pro-hoes are pretty bad.

Pretty bad. I mean, if you're older, if you're as old as me, there's not one at all. But when I was younger, there was like skateboard groupies that were, it wasn't that great for us. Really? I'm just being honest. In the 80s, there were very few girl skaters.

And so any girls that you met in those days were the sisters of skaters for the most part. And they probably slept with one of us. And for me, that means you're off limits now. Yeah, gotcha. So if you're like the cute chick that loves skateboarding, then if somebody that was one of the better guys dated you for a couple of weeks, then I'm not doing that.

You're not going to tap it. So there goes that. But when he got famous and the video game thing happened, then we became like a little bit accepted as celebrity athletes. Gotcha. Even if you didn't know me, you were just like, wait, you're on tour with Tony Hawk?

That's worth having sex with. And I'm like, yeah, I guess it is. Awesome. So there was a time there where I was doing really well just from being like off the side of him. Yeah, would you call him Skatehose? Prohose. But I do think that the skating has come so far

in the last at least 20 years, if not just last 15, where skaters are regarded as top athletes. Some of the top skaters and ones that were on TV and whatnot. So that goes with the same adulation and acceptance and rock star status. Whereas when we were coming up, even though we were pro skaters, skater boarders would just look down upon.

So it wasn't like you go to a club or something like, hey, I'm a pro skater. Yeah, so you got to be like, hey, I'm a pro yo-yo player. What's up? So you got to have daddy issues because you like a bad boy. So if you want to sleep with me because I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow. So you should probably blow me.

Yeah, cool. Reaction is so great. What year did the game come out the first 99? But did you have like at least any was there any anticipation that this would be a hit where you like this is just something? No, none. No. I mean, I knew that I knew skaters would love it. Yeah. And that's what I was gunning for,

because there had not been a game that represented skating that well. There were some that were fun to play, but they just they weren't authentic with the action or with the look or anything. And so I knew we were creating something that that skaters would would maybe be inspired to go buy a play. They make it. I forget. I don't. Activision. Activision. OK. So I knew that skaters would be stoked to play it,

even if they weren't gamers, they would be stoked to go get it. And then it wasn't until maybe a month before the release that I sensed there was something else going on, because Activision got very excited. They started they started increasing their marketing. They would increase the time they wanted with me in terms of doing interviews and things like that. And then they actually offered me a buyout of future royalties

right before the release. That's always a good guy. Stop for a second. We got to stop down. And my butthole down the other day rolling your butthole tattoo. Yeah. Did you hear what he just said? Yeah, it is butthole. Your butthole tattooed. Yeah. Yeah.

You have tattooed there. Well, I have a spider web that goes in towards my butthole and then my wife stick and poked a love heart around my actual butthole. That's nice of her. It was very cute. Yeah, she loves you. That is sweet. Right? Yeah, that is sweet. Why do I not believe you? I just think that it's it's.

Is it painful, the butthole? Yeah, I'll fuck you. But it was very painful. No, top of the head. Top of the head. I was going to guess. I was going to guess. Yeah. More than the butthole. Ten times more. Wow.

Side of my head played video games. Top of my head. I help my breath every time. When did the when did you do the head? I'm pretty bad with time, but like eight, ten years ago, something like that. I mean, that's kind of more in the more recent years, I'm saying. Yeah, it was when I thought that I was like a radio god and I will never need to get a job. I finally have fucking money like I don't I can look like anything I want.

Yeah, I was wrong. You're a podcaster now. Yes, yes, it doesn't. It's it's not bad for comedy, too. Yeah, because I look scary, but I'm gay, so it kind of works. You're scary. So I love it. It's actually better because when you're vulnerable, it's funnier.

Yeah, I'm like, you look crazy, but then you say something really sweet. Yeah, nobody believes me for, I think, the first like 10 minutes until I talk about like getting it right up my arse. And they're like, he's not joking. But what I like is that you're against type for being a gay guy because you are so like aggressive looking. That's why it's so funny. You're like, I like it.

It's confusing to be inside my head for sure. Yeah. And you're not just gay. I mean, you're you're everything spectrum. Everybody can get it. I wish you'd fuck. Ever you wish I'd fuck, but I do wish you would. I don't think Bert would wish that hairs.

Oh, it's how he was. Yeah, what a friend. Would you fuck Bert? Who's more fuckable? Tom or when it comes to bears? Because bears hit me up sometimes. I don't want to sound. It doesn't matter.

I like if you're a bear, if you're a nice person, you could suck me off. But I don't want to. I don't want to. That was so. That's such a kind thing. Thank you. That was so sincere. You really meant that.

If you really want to. If you're a nice person, you can suck me off. Yes. OK, cool, man. What a privilege for them. What a generous guy. I'm pretty. I'm decent for a bear, you know?

Yeah, yeah. But you're just not interested in it going past that. I don't like really hairy butts and stuff. So why don't you just look in your camera and tell Bert, hey, man, you're a nice guy. You can suck me off. I don't want Bert to you're going to edit it and make it like I really want to fuck.

And then it'll be you're letting him. I don't want to fuck my friends. That's like a thing. All you're saying is you're a nice guy. And therefore you can suck me off. But is such a nice guy that I would he. I would fuck Bert if he wanted me to. Wow.

Now we just turned the whole philosophy. Just probably be better for him to fuck me. I just realized because that'd be less gay for him. I think. Wait, if he fucks. Getting into it is probably I think making out with a guy is the gayest thing I do. I feel like but fucking is like second.

Yeah. I agree. It's more intimate mouth to mouth, mouth to peener. Everybody looks gay when they make out. You want to weigh in on this? I'm going to go. I'm going to defer to you guys on your opinions with that. I'm sorry.

I want to show you because we know we should we play a lot of clips. We've talked about our own accidents and injuries. We have a number of just we call them horrible or hilarious clips. And we just show you something like a clip and you just tell us whether you think it's funny or, you know, sad. That doesn't make you feel like. Yes. That was a good one.

Yeah. I love it when scooter people or Healy's or Rollerblades just get shit whipped. I I don't like head injuries. So I'm going to go now. May I ask you this question? He already had a headache. Since we just said this. Can rollerblading be cool?

No. That was easy. I don't have a harsh opinion on roller on inline skating. Because I see there's just facts. Now, wait a minute. Why did you correct me? You called it inline rollerblades. It is.

It's like saying Q tip. Yeah. Yeah. Clean X. Right. Wait, what are they called? Well, this is a cotton swab or a facial tissue. Yeah, man. They got fucking in here. Yeah. Yeah, bro.

OK, so go ahead. You're not going to you're not going to say. Well, mostly because in the slowest times for me when in the early 90s, I was still trying to make a career as a skater and with limited options. And I got invited to big shows that were mostly inline skaters. And I was the token. So like I was the token skateboarder. Invite because people still knew my name from the 80s.

Imagine I literally was paying my my mortgage at the time with those shows. So what you got to do, bro? Imagine comedy gets taken over by professional yo-yoers. And you go up on stage and then Jimmy, the fucking yo-yo. Yeah, they even hit me to the point where it's usually nine magicians and one comedian, and that's your life. Right. You go backstage and it's like, hey, man, do you want to see a fucking trick?

No, I don't want to fucking see any of your shit ever. But fuck, yeah, let's go on the road together. Like fuck off. Fucking hate that for me. I had my my first son had just been born. I'm providing for a family. I have two mortgages that one that I'm definitely can't afford anymore. And so when I was going to those shows, I was like, thank God,

they asked me to do it. Thank God for inline skating. No, don't man. So I'm saying, hey, we've done shit gigs too. So many. Come on. That's how you get you get where you got to go on that note. Not bad. I see what you have.

Yeah, wobbly, wobbly, wobbly. Too much speed. It's only made it so far. But he's he's OK. Look, Tony's not even fit. Look at him. He's stone faced. Cool. No, yeah. Yeah, it was either that or he was going

to just explode on speed wobbles, which would have been one of the other. Yeah, yeah, I'm OK for that. But the cars running into you is not a good thing. That that car is shaped like that, right? So you think? Yeah. It's like it's a little ramp. That's true. And he's the right. And he's fine. Sure.

Did you just say that after your post videos? Or is that really fine? They let me know when it's actually good. This one. I've done that. Does that happen? Yeah. You all right? Yeah, it'd be fine.

He's all right. Yeah. Can you breathe? It'll go away. Just relax, relax, stretch it like that. Lay it like that. That was an interesting one to watch with you because it seems like so familiar to you.

You're both. Yeah, you knock the one out of these. Well, it looks like he didn't break anything. It's just like, well, guess what? What? He's dead. No. We've vetted all of these. We've vetted all these. Some of them died.

The one you're laughing about. He's dead. He's going to get speed wobbles. Yeah. Hey, there you go. Save the beer. That's the craziest place. It's pretty good.

That's amazing now. That's amazing to me. Yeah. To go through that, that spill and be like, is that one of the better skateboard tricks you've ever seen? I think that's right up there with the nine hundred. Right. There you go. I feel like he really expected that that was going to happen.

Really? Yeah, I mean, you're holding the beer. Yeah, you know, you're definitely in speed wobbles. Hey, so how would he defeat the speed wobbles? Stand up on the nose. Yeah, yeah, you'd be surprised though. There are skaters now that you see them going into that point of no return and they can get out of it.

Yeah, it's really like it's kind of a new technique. I don't know how they do it. But if you have more weight on the nose on the front truck, then you're less likely to to veer out like that. Physics, dude. Yeah, yeah, it's hard to realize that in the middle of it. Usually it happens when you don't want it to happen. And then you have to go, oh, lead on the front foot,

which is also it feels wrong to lean forward into the potential slam. How fast can you go on a skateboard? Mega amp does 50. That's pretty crazy. Oh, I mean, they've definitely, you know, some of those downhill luge guys do way more. They're going like 70 sometimes.

Yeah, you don't want to follow up that. Do you want to show them this? Oh my gosh. Let's not tell them what it even was. Sure, sure. Go ahead. This is just for you guys. This is not an accident or anything like that. This is actually just we want you guys. I actually was going to show you about three more deaths, but let's jump ahead to this image.

And could you you got a lot of tats? Yeah. Do you know what this is? It's a bad tattoo. But next question. That you were right about. But can you do you have any guess as to what is it? It's a dragon or a lot or a tiger. Tony, it looks like like a tiger

kind of celebrating and jumping like, oh, I did it. Yeah, we landed the trick. First nine hundred. Tiger pride. You want to tell them what it is? So this is actually. Is it jizz? It might be. Probably lots of people have like under a microscope. So this is a this is the one tattoo I have.

It's a tramp stamp I got in 1998. That's on your back. Are you low back? It's Australian. That's fucking sick. Yeah, that's fucking sick. Yeah, I like I got Jason Ellis's approval on a shitty tattoo. So many high level trash right there. Yeah, right.

Where did you get it? Dude, I can't. You used to potty, huh? Oh, yeah, I did a good time. It was in Australia and I everyone else was getting them. And I literally just pointed to a wall and I was like, I don't know what city you're of the dragon, Brisbane. See, so it's a dragon.

Yeah, I was like, it's year of I'm year of the dragon, 76. And you get a fucking dumb dragon. It's a drunk, basic tattoo. Yes. What am I missing about the dragon? It's fucking it's the head is at the top. I see it. And then the two paws are like, you're right about the roar.

OK. Yeah, it's shit. It's totally shit. Like it was done badly. It's a bad picture. It's it a bad. It's just so bad. So what do I do? Do I remove it?

Cover it with a giant one. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Of a real dragon. Of a cool tattoo. Yeah, they do so many cool things there. Cover ups are fucking cool. All right, just get the highly detailed version of that. No, no, don't don't lose it.

You make it so hard. Yeah, lean into it. You'll eat it. Don't listen to him on tattoos. I think I'm going to lean. Thank you. Thank you. But I like how it's.

Yes, I've never even really looked at my own Tram stand for the best, to be honest. Yeah, it is depressing to dog shit tattoo. That is I would rather a dog shit tattooed on me. We steam coming off it and everything is what the fuck is that? Yeah, there's a reason I don't flip her over much. Hey, that is a at a glance. Is that it looks like a lovely timepiece?

Can I see it? Oh, sure. What is that? It's called Waldorf. It's actually kind of an underground brand and they're not outrageously expensive. Oh, that's too bad. Watch, guys.

They make an affordable tourbillon. That's really cool, man. Thank you, pretty. I don't have an endorsement or anything. I just I mean, I just noticed it. And so sometimes the pores get mad when they watch, but this is really cool. Thank you.

I got a liquid death watch. Just saying Nixon liquid death watch. Nice shot. Yeah, very cool. You had your head tattooed 10 years ago. Is that when you had hair still or were you planning on like? It's a cover up. It's a comb over.

That's the comb over. Yeah, I knew it from the get go. You're like, I'm losing my hair. I'm super narcissistic. So yeah, I'm like not as hot as I was. I thought I was hot and now I'm not. I'm doing all these things to try to like make something else. You're very vulnerable and insightful with your own emotions.

Right. Yeah, you like to like you really explore it. You're reflective. Well, because I'm trying to get out of the hole, man. Yeah, I feel like if you just run from it, then you start doing all this other shit that's bad for you. Yeah, I just want to be free from. All the bullshit. So I find just admitting it is better for me.

Yeah, I don't I don't recommend everybody doing what I do, but it works for me. I feel happier about my day to day being OK with admitting all the stuff that I do. Because I feel like there's so many of me out there that don't admit it. And I remember what that was like, like I used to drink and do a bunch of stuff to not face the fact that I might be different. And now I'm like, yeah, suck, Dix, what's up? Yeah, let's go, baby.

Let's go, baby. It's quite freeing to be that way. And also, everybody's a mix of different things, right? Good and bad and stuff you're embarrassed about. Yeah, it's good to just fucking be an example. Put it out there. Yeah. Are you still doing Elismania? Yeah, I got one in April.

Are you already lined up who you're going to fight? He backed out. Who? Louis J. Gomez. What do you mean? Because Louis J. Gomez, for people that don't know, is a comedian from New York, has a skank fest and that whole network. I mean, I don't know him well, but I mean, I always cheer for like comedians

that built, I think he's built something that's pretty awesome. Yeah, me too. I think it's awesome. And I know that he fought somebody else. Yeah, at my event at Elismania. Oh, was that was it at your event? I didn't know that. So what happened to your guys? I think he just started to realize that it's probably not going to work out for him. Oh, because of your fight experience.

Yeah, I'm way better, which is not saying that much. Just yeah, if you're a comedian that just got into MMA, I'm going to beat the shit out of you for sure. Yeah. No, I don't think it's that crazy to say I'm not trying to. Yeah, I think he just realized that and he's like my knees are sore. And I was like, how so? Or what injury do you have?

And the doctor was like, he might have atonement. This is like, I don't have. I mean, I don't say that to us. And then what he just said, it's over. He's backed out and then I handled it unprofessionally. What did you do? I called him out on social media, called him a pussy and fuck all that stuff. So then his fans and then we yelled at each other on the phone.

I text him back and said, I apologize for you know, getting angry. It's just after all this time, you know, because I don't want to fight anymore. Yeah. And I was like, one more at fifty one. And I'm giving this guy the opportunity to because you're not good enough to have a real pro fight will kill you. And I think he thought, you know, Jason's fifty one. He's a skateboarder.

And then when it got closer, I think other people that train are like, just so you know, dude, like the dude has I am. I'm like a sea list pro fighter, like I can grapple. I can do everything. Yeah. And I'm not playing. I don't play. Like if I'm going to do this fight, I'm going to be on weight. I'm going to be doing all these things. You're going to go to like a camp.

Yeah, full on. I already had like all these people that I'm hiring to be in the best shape of my life. But it's the fight. I don't like fighting. I like the sport, but I'm not a guy that's like, I want you to bleed. Yeah. Yeah. But for a fight, I do. And I have to get into this mindset that I don't really appreciate anymore. It's kind of embarrassing, like wanting people to be in pain is

it sounds embarrassing when I think about it. Does this mean, though, that you're going to find a new person for the April event? Yeah, I didn't want to. But now it looks like maybe Tom Woodley or Pat. You're going to. Who? Yeah. Or Pacman. Pat Berry. Oh, Pat Berry. OK. Because I've fought a bunch of UFC fighters at Alice Maneo because you're fucking crazy.

This is going to be your last fight then. Yeah. OK. Good. Yeah. I mean, holy shit, dude. I know. I just want to be a comedian. Like I said, like just bomb and then drive home. So I'll tell you this, the fights aren't good for your comedy mind. I don't think, you know, meaning like just getting hit. And I don't think it's good. I'm going to say something stupid because I feel like I love it.

You did that. I think my brain can take it better than your average person. I think you might be right. You're very resilient because you've done drugs, like a ton of drugs. You've probably been knocked out tons and tons of skateboarding and fighting and motocross. That's good. Much higher threshold. Yeah. And I'm still here. No, I believe I believe it.

But I also believe that, like, no matter how good you are at that, there is a cumulative effect when it when it comes to like head trauma. I agree, you know, so it's like it's it's good to have a do you want to have your final farewell? I just I hope you stick to it. Like do it. I'm so I would not do it. If if they were like, let's just get somebody else to fight. I would be happy with that. Oh, that's how much I I really was quitting.

Like when Lewis wanted to do this fight, I remember going, I'll go to Columbia and I'll I'll get stem cells again to get on my limbs to work better and and we'll do this. But I really don't I'm OK with hurting it. Skating again, because that's what I am. But I don't want to hurt it in fighting anymore. I've lost the I just wanted to see if I was tough and I did that. And now I don't have any more to prove that you don't have to prove anything.

You know what? And can I tell you? I remember when you had your serious show, like the first time I met you years ago. Yeah. You were so much more aggressive. I feel like you've really calmed down and you seem so happy and so centered. And like I'm I'm like really happy for you because you were just so. Yeah, I felt your tension back then, you know. And now you're like, oh, you've got Tony with you.

That's how we started. We started on serious XM. Yeah. Together. Yeah. Don't you love it so much? Yeah, it's much easier. Like being there. Like I'm saying podcast. Why is this being angry by the way?

There is no power. Like there is no. Oh, yeah. And to be report to like, hey, the the I mean, you know, the bosses want to talk to you like that you don't have to have any of that. Oh, absolutely. We well, I started doing a show. They were hiring athletes for this one channel and they gave a bunch of different people shows. And then I asked if I could have a co host

because Jason's also a skater, but one of the funniest dudes I know. So I thought that would be really fun. And then as I predicted, as soon as our show started to get some traction and the other shows are falling away, they realized, well, maybe Jason could do something on his own. And then he became the voice of the channel. Wow. Of faction. And then we went for a while.

And then I left because I felt like I wasn't really getting much support there. And he got let go shortly after that. And so then we reconvene for the podcast. And that's been a blast. Because yeah, exactly. No one's telling us. No, I can't say that. I can't do that. He's way better now, because back then he was more of a younger audience

and kind of didn't unleash himself as often. Like we live and we would have kids call in like, how do I do an Oli? Oh, no. So then people that this in a my show would call and say, how do you come while you're sitting on a motorcycle backwards? And that would that would clash. Yeah. There's a lot of. Yeah. So I had to leave between there.

But now he'll totally come on the back of a motorcycle. Sure. Yeah. That's awesome. That has we've yet to see that. But yeah. But I mean, I can imagine. Never say never. Never say never. Jason, I have the dumbest question ever. Yes. Wow. This is the second one. Go for it.

Have you ever jerked off while skateboarding to the point of completion? Jesus. Oh, not to completion. I had sex in a shopping cart, rolling down a hill. But it started to roll off the side of the road and go towards the curb. So I couldn't finish because I had to get out and save the lady. Save the lady. I was like, if we was a video, no, no, there's just going home from a club and I share a shopping cart and I was like, you know, it'd be pretty cool.

What's a what? You ever seen Jackass? As somebody that seems to have, I imagine, just endless sex stories. Do you have, like when somebody goes like, like, you know, most people, if you say, what's the wildest thing? You know, they go, they go, they pull like one or two things in their mind that they're like, that was pretty crazy that time we were in the parking lot. And we, you know, in the back, like, do you have that thing in your head that when somebody goes, what's the craziest sex story of your life

that stands out or just it's too many cluttered together? Yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot. And it depends on who's asking, right? Because there's appropriate and inappropriate answers to that. Well, what's the most inappropriate answer? Right. It's your, it's your life. And look at me here.

I mean, you look at him like, can I tell him about the time we fuck? No, I wasn't going to tell you that. It wasn't right. It wasn't that exciting with you. It really is. If you had to make love to Tony, you'd probably be much more tender and sweet, I imagine. Right. Because we do love each other.

Yeah, he's your, he's your bro. Yeah, but no. Would you make out? Mouth kiss him, probably. Let's go back to the story, please. Yeah. Do you want me to talk about making out with Tony Hawker? Your story.

I'd rather have you not talk about that. I have a friend that has a glory hole in his house, like a built-in one. And sometimes. Doesn't the valley? No, it's in Hollywood and depends on what he wants. But he wears women's clothing, like all lingerie stuff. And he's kind of hairy, so it looks weird, but he wears a mask. He doesn't want anyone to see his face.

I'm friends with him, so I've seen his face, but this is the scenario. And then he'll have somebody else watch or he's had me come over to fist somebody. Sorry, dude, I never fisted before. I'm not, I'm not into it. I never thought that I'd be into it, but I am interested in seeing it. Yeah. If someone's going to offer to see that, I'll go. And he was like, do you want to fist him?

And I was like, I don't know, like I got pretty big hands. Sure, that's OK. And he's like, yeah, let me teach you. So I got to this person just kept like saying thank you to me. And the guy kept telling me, telling him that he has to say thank you for me. And then at one point, I was just punching him in the butt, like one, two, one, two, one, two. Did you take your rings off? Yeah, yeah.

And I trimmed my nail. He told me trim my nails, like make sure it's no edge. Sorry, dude, they asked. No, I love this because there's so much going on that first of all. But you kind of were acting like it was spontaneous. But if you went there prepared with the nail trimming, I feel like you were. We told me before I came to get ready for it. Oh, you're ready for OK.

And he has a guy there that has injected himself in the balls and in the penis. And in the but he has a giant fake butt in this crazy old school tribal tattoos all over him. Looks like a scary guy. And these balls are like this big injections. Yeah, with injections and his penis is gigantic, but it doesn't get hard. It's just have you seen that that one floating? I've seen it.

I know the bodybuilder one. Yeah, that bodybuilder. Pretty much that's what the guy looked like. No, that dude sitting on the bed. I know. No, he's got right underwear on. Right. Yes. Yeah. You fuck that guy. He looks like that guy.

So no. So this guy that you're talking about. Yeah, this is made. This is like on everyone's IG. Guys do this now. He's a body. He's posing in a bodybuilding thing. But he's injected his balls. But somebody said that it might be an infection.

No, no, you're dead. So. Oh, yeah. So just let it play without sound. But. But this thing is like. It looks pretty wild, man. Yeah. And you're saying that there he is. Yeah. Yeah.

You're saying you think you've been with this guy? I'm saying I've been with somebody similar. Wow. Yeah, big, scary people. I like weird. I'm like, I've never done that. What do the balls feel like? Are they hard or are they soft?

They're hard. Because what's in that? A lot of stuff. It's like a pregnant lady's balls. Take it down. Wow. Now can I pee? Well, do you want to just wrap up the show? I mean, like we're just wrapping up then.

All right. You want to be gone for the wrap up? No, I like to pee in the car. You pee in the car? Yeah. I pee in the car so much. Do you think you and I are very similar? You're going to hate this because you need to pee.

But I have a water glass bottle with a sealed lid on it for me to pee in. And I have it in my little side thing. And my wife needed to pee the other day and I was like, use my pee bottle. Yeah. She goes, it's like pee residue in the bottom. I'm like, so what? I'm not peeing in that. So I pour liquid death in there, but it's the black can with bubbles.

And I seal it and I start shaking it and she gets in the back to like take her pants off and this fucking thing goes, boom. And I just get fucking hammered with old piss. The whole car got misted with it. I pee in water bottles that are left over like my kids were. Like I've been trapped places where there's no toilet and I can't go. Yeah. My wife pees everywhere.

So I'm just like, Jesus Christ. All right. Do you want to say goodbye to the guest? I love you guys. Thank you for having us. Hey, we should just stand up again together. It's fine. That was a really fun night.

It was so much fun with you at the Comedy Store that night. That was the greatest night of my career. It was really fun. It was so rad. People DM me for like a week after. Like, did you run that? I'm like, yeah, I know. I don't know why, but yeah, I was there.

It was so much fun with you. It was fun to see stand up again through newer eyes. It was like, you were like, oh my God, this is how I'm like, but I felt good to see you get excited. You guys brought the pressure. You did great. You did a great job. Yeah.

You really did. This is recorded too. Yeah. They might cut it out. You can hire me, you guys. I'm available. Tony, thank you for coming. Tony, you're the best.

Thank you for having us. I hope the injury heals completely, and you're back doing what you love. I appreciate it. I'm on my way. Good to see you. Thanks. Thanks for having me.

Can I plug my show? Yeah, of course plug the show. I mean, Hawk vs. Wolf, but I also do the Jason Alas show. I'm desperate. Please like and subscribe. Subscribe? We do a live show to all of us each month. We do a live show.

Oh, very cool. In addition to the weekly show that we're doing. So we're, you know, we're trying to. We're aspiring to be you guys. OK, you guys. Oh, shit. They're trying to take this country back, guys. That's what they're trying to do.

Make America great again, everybody. All right, thanks. We'll see you next time. Bye, guys. Bye, mommies. Thank you. Hi. I want to sing a song.

I'm going to sing it for you. For you. For you. For you. For you. But it's another request. And the request is from Jamie. She wants me to sing about COVID-19.

19, 19, 19, 19, 19, 19, 19. So the name of the song is Jamie COVID-19. Oh, here we go. Jamie wants to go get a shot. Jamie wants to go get a shot. Jamie wants to go get a COVID-19 shot. Shot, shot, shot, shot, shot. Jamie wants to go get a shot.

Jamie wants to go get a shot. Jamie wants to go get a COVID-19 shot. Jamie wants to go get a shot. Jamie wants to go get a shot. Jamie wants to go get a COVID-19 shot. Well, have you seen anything like that before? I really didn't like that. Well, that's part of the roller coaster of the talks.

Some you love, some you don't. Just put that in the donk for me. OK, potato, potato. I enjoyed it. Really? Really? Really? Really?

Really? Jamie wants to go get a shot. Jamie wants to go get a shot. Jamie wants to go get a COVID-19 shot. Jamie wants to go get a shot. Jamie wants to go get a shot. Jamie wants to go get a COVID-19 shot. Chats, chat, chat, chat, chat.

And now here we go.